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ardenrabbit · 5 months

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i am a little embarrassed to talk about this openly so i am doing it anon,,, but holy shit you have no idea how much your fic means to me. last year i was diagnosed with a life-altering illness in my bone marrow, and i've lost so much since then. i used to be muscular, and love my body, and just. augh. i've lost nearly 60 pounds to the date and all my muscle. some days my bones hurt so bad from the inside out that i feel like how you've written xie lian--pushing through every screaming fiber in my body to take just one more step forward. i can't recover fast enough. some days i feel strong and then get reminded that just vacuuming my floor leaves me a trembling, sweating mess. it's so frustrating.

you don't have to publish this but. being able to read something that feels so? accurate? so,,, i'm not sure how to describe it. i just feel seen, with the added bonus of your portrayal being written so beautifully and featuring my favorite little guys right now. i love it so much and i just wanted you to know that. not to be dramatic but your writing just. feels like home. qwq

Anon, I hope it's okay with you if I do answer this, because damn, I really want to try and give this a worthy response.

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through so much, and I hope that things get easier for you in any ways that they can. I'm not going to say I know what it's like, because everyone's experience with chronic illness, pain, and fatigue is different. I sincerely wish you the best in your recovery and ongoing management of your condition.

I'm so truly grateful that you've been able to find something cathartic in what I'm writing. Most of my fics end up as self-therapy projects, so I try to be realistic and compassionate about the topics at hand in case someone else relates to it. I know one of the big differences between this fic and real life is that Xie Lian is eventually going to make a relatively full recovery, where people with chronic conditions will usually have to manage them for the rest of their lives, so I worry that the ending might feel frustrating or like wishful thinking to some people. Most of us don't get that kind of closure. But I really hope that this story can offer some sense of relief and validation to people who are going through their own recoveries or learning how to manage chronic conditions.

I really had no idea that so many people would find the story so relatable, so I really hope that I can do a decent job of helping people feel acknowledged and that they're not alone. Maybe most importantly, I hope that I can help offer some hope to people going through this sort of thing, because things do tend to gradually become more manageable as they navigate their conditions. There is a grieving process involved with diagnoses of chronic conditions, but it is a process in the end.

I truly believe in the hope that life can still be full and fulfilling even if the illness or injury won't go away. That might sound ominous, but it's important to remember, wherever you're at.

Thank you for telling me what it means to you. I've learned that fics can have a marked impact on people's lives (my first big fic got me a wife, who is the coolest person who's ever lived; writing has helped me manage my own mental health like nothing else possibly could; I've made amazing friends and been able to share mutual support with them) so I take this seriously. I hope this makes sense and doesn't come off as patronizing (I would be the worst kind of liar if I said everything's going to be okay for everyone, and the "you're so strong and brave, I could never handle going through that" stuff makes me wanna scream) and I just. It means everything to me if I've successfully offered some comfort. Thank you.

I hope you have a really good year, anon. 💜

#anonymous #god i hope this makes sense #i hope its actually helpful or useful #and doesnt just make me sound like ive gotten a big head from the response that people have been kind enough to give me #idk i just hope this isnt annoying or too much #seriously #thank you anon #tgcf #my writing #alasr #oh look it talks

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plumgyu · 28 days

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Teddy Bear - Huening Kai

(Huening Kai/Gender Neutral Reader)

(Warnings: None)

Walking down the seemingly endless lanes of the fair was a calming yet exciting experience, bringing you back to the youthful joy of simply existing. Wind blew through your hair, cooling your skin from the unrelenting rays of the hot sun, and you were more than grateful for the occurrence. You stood with your best friend, Huening Kai, and his four other friends, Soobin, Yeonjun, Taehyun, and Beomgyu, but you and Kai lagged behind the others while talking as if you were in your own little world. In front of you, the others were whispering about something and grinning, but you decided to ignore it, not bothered enough to ask.

One particular stall caught your eye, filled with dozens of stuffed animals as prizes, right in the center being a giant teddy bear. It brought back memories from your childhood, both happy and sad, but equally engraved into your mind.

—˚ʚ♡ɞ˚—

“How can you be so dumb?” Yerin scoffed, rolling her eyes at you. She was towering over you while you lay hurt on the ground, knee bleeding and eyes welling with tears.

“You ruined our game,” Beomseok scowled, less than pleased at you falling and destroying the flow of the highly anticipated recess time four square. You didn't know what to say. How were you supposed to argue against the popular kids who had taken you in? What were you going to do when you were all alone?

"Please," You mumbled through sobs, "Please don't leave me!" Panic filled your eyes. Yerin and Beomseok didn't do forgiveness. One mistake and you were out of the group. Gyeong just looked at you in the corner of her eye out of pity. There was little she could do against them, anyways. So she obeyed their every whim.

You had just joined the school. You had no one else to go to, so you had to make them let you stay, beg for even a single chance to make it up to them. Or so you thought.

"Here. Grab my hand. And take this," A small voice in front of you said, equally tiny hands clutching a hello kitty band aid. You looked up at the person in front of you, eyes still wet with tears, and he wore a reassuring smile on his face. He put the bandage on your knee and pulled you up.

"I'm Huening Kai. We should be friends," He said, asking your name then repeating it after you. He dragged you over to the classroom to show you something.

"Whenever I'm sad I hug my teddy bear. You should try it, too," He said with a toothy smile. Your little heart skipped a beat. Although you hadn’t known it, from that day on you would be inseparable.

—˚ʚ♡ɞ˚—

You nudged him on the shoulder, pointing at the stuffed bear and unable to hide the grin on your face.

"Hyuka, remember that day?" You asked, but it was as good as a rhetorical question knowing that you repeated it often. Either way, he responded as if it had been the first time.

"Of course, like it was yesterday," He replied, and you weren't sure why it made your face heat up so much. Probably just the summer heat. You brushed it off. There were still so many more rides to explore, so there was no point in dwelling on it. In the distance, you spotted possibly the coolest roller coaster you had ever seen. There were loops and spins, steep inclines and swift declines, and more than anything you wanted to go on it.

“Everyone. Look. We have to go on this,” You said, pointing towards the monstrosity, appropriately named ‘Death Coaster,’ with a massive smile on your face. Taehyun and Beomgyu were immediately on board, Soobin and Yeonjun hesitant and Kai straight up defiant.

“There is no way in hell I am going on that thing. Have you seen the name? Do I look like I have a death wish?” He looked at the four of you with feigned disgust, pretending as if the mere sight of it was making him sick. You began to agree with a defeated look in your eye, but his gaze met yours and he suddenly had a different idea.

“Well, only if you guys want it,” He muttered, still looking visibly terrified, but increasingly abashed.

“Kai, are you sure?” You questioned, trying to make sure he was really okay with it. But, with his reassurance that he didn’t want to mess up the group’s first time ever going to the fair, he insisted. And you didn’t know how to say no to those eyes.

As you all walked up to the queue, Yeonjun and Huening Kai were on the brink of planning an escape.

“I’m too young to die, Yeonjun… And you’re too old to be doing this at all,” Kai teased, but a competitive fire sparked in Yeonjun’s gaze.

“No. I will survive,” He said with a determined look on his face, and all you could do was laugh as both of them begrudgingly walked into the line. It took nearly half an hour of waiting (and anxiety building) to get on the ride, and once you were all strapped in, a few of you seemed to be getting second thoughts. You heard your name called out, turning your head to the source.

“I can’t do fast rides,” Kai muttered, almost embarrassed, and the last thing you heard was Taehyun cursing at this fact before the ride began. At first, it was a smooth incline, which would be enjoyable if it weren’t for the nerves at just how high you were going to be falling from in mere moments. The sky was bright, the sun burning into your skin, and it was way too hot for comfort. Moments later came the first drop, solving this issue with a gust of wind which cooled your frame and simultaneously made your stomach whoosh. Everyone was screaming, and you couldn’t help but throw your hands up in joy and yell with them. Behind you, you heard a scream of pure terror, and you could have sworn that you made out the words ‘oh no,’ but you were too occupied to mind.

Next came a thrilling spin, speeding into the next incline, only furthering the pace of the subsequent drop. It was exhilarating. You loved every second of it. Finally, the ride began to halt, and once it was fully stopped your straps lifted.

“Oh my god,” You said with excitement, “That was so much fun.”

“Let’s go again.” Said Beomgyu, clearly sharing the same sentiment. Taehyun shrugged as to say ‘If you all want to,’ but there was one clear difference in their reactions. Huening Kai looked as if his soul had left his body.

“Is this what heaven looks like?” He whispered, still very much out of it, and you offered him your hand to pull him out of his seat.

“Beomgyu, Yeonjun, Taehyun, Soobin, you all go find something fun to do okay? I’ll take care of him,” You said, feeling guilty for dragging him along without bothering to ask if he could take a ride like this before it was much too late. Yeonjun shot you a knowing glance, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him. You and Kai were just friends, and it’s not like he could ever see you like that. You tried to ignore the fact that you didn’t mention anything about your feelings being platonic in that thought.

The others eagerly agreed, and before you could say that they had misinterpreted your intentions they were gone. You looked back behind you, to see Huening Kai with a bashful expression on his face, and you noticed that his hands were still interlocked with yours. You jumped at this, scolding yourself for instinctively holding onto him so tight, and apologized instantly. You couldn’t help but notice how he looked at you with a disappointed gaze at the loss of your touch. It was just in your head. You had to snap out of this soon. You always had only thought of him as your best friend, right?

Clearing your mind, you led him to get a drink of water, and he seemed a little less disoriented afterwards. An idea crossed your mind.

“Wait here,” You instructed, and he obliged without question as he had found a shaded little corner by the water fountain. You ran across the fair, retracing your steps to find the stuffed animal stand, and looked for what the game could be. And just to your luck, it was one of those scams where you had to successfully throw an unnecessarily bouncy ball into a tiny hole, and you knew for a fact that wasn’t happening. So you did what any reasonable human would, and scammed a scammer.

“Hey, Mr. Stand Operator, how much do I have you pay you for that bear?” You whispered over the counter as if you were purchasing contraband. He looked at you, unimpressed, before you pulled out a wad of cash that looked extremely intriguing to his greedy eyes.

“Give me all of it and you have a deal,” He asked, and without hesitation, you accepted the offer. They were all one dollar bills, but with a ten on top. Before he too realized that, you ran off back to find your friend. And when you heard him curse in annoyance that he got a mere thirty dollars for his best prize, you couldn’t help but grin. Sucker.

As you turned the corner, you saw Kai where you left him, and this time you had an extra weight in your arms. You called out his name to get his attention, and in a moment you were hugging him through the bear. You had always been comfortable with affection since a young age, and it never really stopped since neither did your friendship. He gasped in slight surprise, but then a smile found his lips.

“Hyuka, whenever I'm sad I hug my teddy bear. You should try it, too," You grinned at having blatantly stolen his words, and he seemed to find it equally amusing. You could have sworn that you heard him mutter under his breath that he wanted to be your teddy bear, but it was probably just wishful thinking and a lot of nearby yelling children, so you ignored it. You hated the way your heart leapt whenever he returned your embrace. You hated that he didn’t feel it too.

Just then, you saw Soobin walk around the corner, eyes widening slightly at the sight, but having seen you both act like this dozens of times before, he just had a judgmental look in his eyes as if to tell the two of you to go get a room. The three others soon followed, and after a few moments of staring blankly at each other, you stood up and attempted to break the silence.

“Want to try another ride…?” You muttered, “And maybe one that’s calmer this time…” In a much needed change of pace, the others looked extremely pleased at this question, leaving you and Huening Kai to question why exactly they were so excited at a simple statement.

“How about… the farris wheel?” Taehyun suggested, maintaining his constant poker face. The other three shrugged casually, Beomgyu trying, but failing, to look indifferent while mumbling ‘Whatever,’ under his breath, and you couldn’t help but comply as it was four to two. Just what were these guys up to?

“You’ll be okay, Kai?” You asked, looking back at your friend, and he nodded. This time it felt genuine, so you settled to follow the group towards the ride. It was getting late, so this would have to be the last thing you did before you left and the fair closed. You hoped it would be worth it. The line was mostly empty due to the time, people having to head out for the night, so it didn’t take long before you were up next.

“Four in a pod, please,” The operator said, clearly ready to go home due to the dull tone in his voice. You felt yourself being pushed forward with Huening Kai, and the staff members lead you into the ride. Expecting two more to join you, you were surprised to see Yeonjun making a special request with the operator as he groaned about how he didn’t get paid enough to be dealing with this. Still, he motioned for the workers to close the doors in front of you, and it dawned on you that this must have been what the others were whispering about while you had been in your own little world earlier today. You glanced at Kai, and he shrugged, not seeming to mind, so you didn’t either. Well, in all honesty, you more than didn’t mind.

“Hyuka… I’m sorry for making you go on that roller coaster earlier. I should have remembered you can’t deal with things like that after that one road trip where you got carsick…” You whispered, almost silent, but he caught every word effortlessly.

“Don’t be,” He began, internally debating on whether to say the next part, and in the softest voice you had ever heard from him, he continued. “I would have gone as long as you were there, anyways…” You froze. Did you hear that right? Did you hear everything today right? You felt your face grow hot. You didn’t know why, or rather, you didn’t want to accept why.

Daring to look back up at him, you noticed that his face shared a similar flushed hue, and you couldn’t help but stare with how beautiful he was in the crimson sunset. His deep brown eyes were filled with such warmth that it seemed to eradicate the sudden nighttime chill, and his fluffy hair only made him cuter than he already was. God, this man was adorable. You hated how you couldn’t even deny it for a second. You hated the way your heart raced as he grabbed your hand, you hated the way your skin tingled when his arms wrapped around you, you hated how your mind went blank as he kissed you. He kissed you?

If you told yourself you hated that you’d be lying. You froze on the spot from shock, and he quickly pulled away, sensing your discomfort.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking-“ He muttered, but not before you pulled him right back into your embrace. You buried your face into his neck, and it was unlike any hug you had shared before. It was different somehow, knowing what had happened before.

“I like you,” You said, “So kiss me again?” His eyes said everything you needed to know. Soon his mouth was back on yours, sharing a deeper kiss this time, and you were afraid your heart might beat out of your chest. His lips were sweet, and you found yourself getting addicted to the taste. He pulled away for air, only to pepper your face with soft kisses, holding you close to his chest, your arms now wrapped around his neck.

“I think I more than like you,” He said, calling out your name with an affectionate tone you had never heard from him before, “So will you be mine?”

—˚ʚ♡ɞ˚—

Once the ride halted to a stop, you walked out hand in hand with Huening Kai, your fingers interlocked. The sky was beautiful. He was beautiful. He was yours…

“Oh?” Beomgyu asked, his eyebrows moving up and down in the least subtle way possible. “So, Huening Kai, did you finally do it?” His response was the others teasing him was short and sweet.

“Yeah, I did,” He smiled towards you, squeezing your hand. It was going to be a long night of their teasing…

I’m not satisfied with this but just posting it is easier than redoing it

This one is a bit shorter than usual, sorry aaa

As always, please give any feedback you may have ♡

#fanfic #fanfiction #tomorrow x together #txt #txt fanfic #kpop #txt post #x reader #hueningkai #huening txt #hueningkai x reader #hyuka x reader #txt hyuka #txt x reader #read more

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kidovna · 7 months

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Hi! I’ve been following you and your art for a few years now, probably since right before the simonverse era. I wanted to say that it has been the coolest thing watching your art grow over these years. You’re the artist who I originally looked at and thought… it is so cool that this artist is able to think of something and execute it, you were honestly my introduction to the depth of fanart. I had always done art, mostly traditional portraits but when I found you I became enthralled in the idea of digital art and its potential. In 2021 I was lucky enough to save up and invest in an iPad and I’ve been drawing on it ever since. Your work inspires me everyday. I’ve seen the intricacies and details, nuance, passion and love you put into whoever and whatever you draw and its contagious. No one has ever motivated or inspired me to keep drawing the way you have. I’m not afraid to try new things, and adapt stylistically because I’ve watched you do it for years. I’m not afraid to post what and who I want and to be geeky and giddy about it. I’m highly neurodivergent but you’re always so kind and open to talk to-I think even if you’re tired of the rambles. The amount I’ve grown as an artist is I mean this so genuinely-thanks to you. Please remember you deserve the best and to focus on yourself and what you love. Don’t be afraid to post what or who you want, or to try new things even if social media says otherwise. You’re one person but you’re genuinely changing a lot of hearts. Take breaks and don’t feel bad. You’re so loved. I cant convey how grateful I am and I’m sure so many other people are to have had the opportunity to grow with you and work with you and fall in love with your work over and over again.

Love a mutual who is way too shy to say this directly to you🩶

i woke up today overwhelmed and anxious as i have been for the past few days and opened tumblr to this message. i may or may not have teared up a little.

thank you so, so much for taking the time to send me this message. having known that i could make an impact like this has truly left me speechless. thank you also for all the support and love

i totally get the shy part (i’ve sent my fair share of anonymous asks excited about someone’s work) but if someday you’d like to share your art with me, my DMs are open! i hope you have the loveliest week ever and that your journey as an artist brings you many many pleasant surprises <3

#anonymous #this was such a nice ask i feel like my reply was pretty subpar #but please know that i’m SO grateful and i’m sending lots of good energy your way!#the stuff you said in this ask is how i felt about burdge-bug and viria growing up #so this is surreal to me

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adventuringblind · 11 months

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I am also blind. Thanks, I feel so understood.

So glad that I'm reaching the blind community!

Being blind and loving racing is sometimes painful. I remember being four years old and deciding I wanted to be a Nascar driver.

We didn't have cable, but my dad showed me YouTube clips, and I fell in love. It was ironic because I was a cautious kid until I got competitive.

Then I got sick and lost my vision. I was almost five at the time. My parents knew how much I wanted to drive, so they never said anything.

Cars was a staple movie in my house. I rode my bike around and pretended to drive. My dad taught me about the different parts of the cars. About the different gears and how shifting works.

I planned it all out in my head.

Then, when I was 10, I was going for an eye exam. Just to make sure everything with my optic never was still as stable as it can get.

I saw a car when we were driving and it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen. I was so excited about that I told my eye doctor about it. I told him how I wanted to drive a car like that when I got older.

He broke the news to me that day that you need peripheral to drive. I cried on the way home.

My parents were planning to slowly ease me into it. They wanted me to come to my own conclusion when I was able to understand better.

Instead, they had to go through every phase of grief with me. I went backward through different motor sports. If I couldn't drive a car, then maybe a motorcycle. If I can't drive a motorcycle either, then maybe a bike. Maybe a snowboard? A skateboard? Surfing? How about team sports? Soccer? Basketball? Anything?!

It was incredibly frustrating. I wanted to compete but couldn't because it was a risk to myself and also a risk to others.

I figured it out eventually. I was thirteen when I decided to pursue something non-athletic.

All that to say, I love watching motor sports. However, I still get sad watching it sometimes. Sure, I'm happy where I'm at, grateful and successful even, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about what could have been.

I will never be able to drive. It's a cold, hard truth that I can't escape. So I'm glad that there is a community out there that understands.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. 💕

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tomorrowxtogether · 1 year

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SOOBIN: “I think there’s a certain kind of love that can only exist between a singer and their fans”

TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Name Chapter: TEMPTATION comeback interview

2023.02.07

SOOBIN was discreet in his words expressing his gratitude to his loved ones while looking back on the times he spent with them. The word he chose after careful deliberation - love - was brimming with sincerity. Passing on his confidence and self-assurance to the people who make him a better person: that is his “warm” and cozy love language.

You paid a visit to your childhood dentist, despite your full schedule. You also went back to your old school and said hello to your teacher back in the fall.

SOOBIN: The people I’m visiting are all the ones I promised to visit again when I was a trainee. My high school was strict so it was hard to leave early, but my home room teacher was really considerate and helped me out a lotwith homework and cleaning. He also told the other teachers, “Go easy on SOOBIN,” a lot. I was so thankful that I told him, “If I debut and things turn out well, I’ll come back and make you proud. So you can brag to the kids in your class, too.” (laughs) So I go visit every year, but this year he said he’s retiring. I really wanted to go back there as a superstar but it hasn’t quite happened yet (laughs) but he said this would be the last chance so I went and said hi to his students, too. I was busy when I was a trainee, so my dentist would show up to work an hour before opening to give me treatment early. I wanted to repay the people who have worked hard for my benefit.

I think you must have had time last year to think about all the people in your life. You also wound up seeing your fans during your world tour.

SOOBIN: I kept saying to MOA thank you for waiting for so long. The reason I did that was because if the concert started at 7 PM, we’d have to leave at 9 AM for the venue to rehearse there and they were already waiting for us that early. On top of the tour, they showed up eight or nine hours before our performance at Lollapalooza to fill the front rows so they could cheer us on and lift our spirits. When I saw MOA were there early taking up four, five rows in front of the stage, I really thought, That’s something even greater than love. I’ve always been grateful, but I think I felt it even more during the tour and at Lollapalooza and Summer Sonic.

You must have seen MOA’s love for you at all those concerts clearly in front of your eyes.

SOOBIN: Yes. Going down into the audience during the tour and singing “Thursday’s Child Has Far To Go” is the happiest I’ve ever been singing in a concert. Seeing all those ecstatic fans’ faces right in front of me makes me feel like I’m a good and amazing person. (laughs) I was happy not because I was singing and dancing but because I could see how happy it made MOA to watch me singing and dancing.

You must’ve been happy you could see them face to face at the year-end concerts, too. You used to always be nervous about those shows, but you said you were excited this time.

SOOBIN: I felt like I would have no regrets and feel relieved even if I made a mistake this time because we worked really hard for the year-end performances. I thought to myself that this was the best of best I could do. When I watch older year-end performances, I see a lot of places I could have improved, but seeing the video from practicing for this year, I think I was more confident because I thought it was the coolest thing we ever put on.

That confidence came through in the way you dealt with unexpected situations as they arose. Even when you couldn’t get the blindfold tied on during your MAMA performance, you found a great new solution.

SOOBIN: The blindfold is one of the highlights of the choreography and I never had a problem tying it during rehearsals. I practiced over and over, but when it came to the real thing, suddenly it wouldn’t work. I was so worried that our highlight would flop all because of me, so I bit it and kept on dancing without me realizing it and it wasn’t like I made a split second decision thinking “I should bite this.” I was just desperate and thought I’d better do something. I felt bad and sorry because I made a mistake on stage but the immediate response was good and everyone was applauding when I got back to the green room, so I was relieved that it turned out okay.

It sounds like this year’s MAMA was an unforgettable experience for you for a number of reasons. You also got to see KARA perform, and they were your inspiration to become a singer when you were younger.

SOOBIN: I never thought I’d get to see them perform again so I almost teared up. I was so happy seeing how much they enjoyed being back up on stage. They were part of the reason that I liked K-pop and had a dream of becoming a singer when I was a kid. And I learned a lot about their mindset while watching all their appearances on variety shows. I thought they’re a strong and solid group and they influenced me in a lot of ways but I think I like them even more now that I do the same thing as them.

You never explicitly revealed who you’re a fan of before. What made you open up this time about being a fan and what it feels like?

SOOBIN: I thought the members of KARA might feel uncomfortable when I brought them up. I have such great memories of them but I thought it might be a little rude and could be off-putting to their members if their name was put out there because of me so I avoided saying anything. But I wanted to help them now that they made a comeback, even if it was just a little help by talking about them once to promote them. (laughs) It was kind of tough not talking about them all the way up to now. (laughs)

Does having been a fan in the past help you better understand how your fans feel?

SOOBIN: I think it helps a lot. I think there’s a certain kind of love that can only exist between a singer and their fans—one that doesn’t happen between friends or people dating. They exist for each other and want each other to be happy and hope for better things for the other than for themselves. It seems like it really only exists between fans and singers. Actually, as a singer, whenever fans came to a fan signing event with a fan letter in hand and said, “I’m going to hold a birthday cafe event for you,” I would say, “I think your hand will be tired from writing letters every time you come. I’m thankful you make time for me but I hope you don’t spend your money.” But now I think I should be grateful and accepting of everything they do, whether it’s writing fan letters or holding events, and I think I understand them better now, too. I’m the kind of person who puts the happiness of my fans ahead of my own unconditionally, but the fans also put my happiness first and feeling that again, I realized it’s an extremely special relationship.

You said in the Weverse Live held on your birthday that you’re having fun getting ready for your comeback.

SOOBIN: I felt that way because I have so much pride in my work now. I never really used to like myself, to be honest. I just felt sorely lacking as a person and last year in particular I questioned whether I’m even good enough to be a singer and started to have doubts about my job. But meeting the fans made me think of myself as a singer who can be a good influence and make them feel good, and that made me feel proud, and wonderful, and complete. (laughs) It changed to that kind of feeling. So I just want to do the comeback as soon as possible so I can show this off to the fans.

Why did you wonder if you’re really suited to be a singer last year?

SOOBIN: By the time we went on tour, it had been so long since I had been around so many people all in one big space. I don’t know if “shy” is the right term to use. I’m a singer, so I get up and sing and dance in front of lots of people, but I started to think, if I have a hard time doing that, how can I keep on being a singer? Maybe I’m not cut out to be a singer after all. But last year was actually my first tour, and it was the first time being around people in such a large space in such a long time that I think that something about it felt awkward to me. I’m confident I’ll have a lot of fun on our next tour. I think from now on I won’t be full of doubt about my job as a singer ever—I’ll just be full of pride. (laughs) I’ll be a better person this year than last year, and an even better person next year.

You tried a lot of new things last year. You could say you’re taking on another challenge with the concept behind this latest album. What was it like working on it?

SOOBIN: The new songs are a little tough again. (laughs) We revealed that the concept for the album would be “refreshing and sexy,” and after we did, fans seemed to be more excited for the refreshing part. So us members talked a lot amongst ourselves about what parts or sections would capture that refreshing quality best when we perform. While practicing, we would come to parts that seemed like they would capture that well, and we would say, “Let’s do this with more of a bright smile on our faces.”

The Daydream version of the concept photos really captures those bright smiles well. You called those your favorite.

SOOBIN: When we were shooting the Daydream version, they told me I’m having fun in Neverland and to wear a dreamy expression on my face. I thought of Neverland as this happy, joyous, innocent place full of smiles, so I wanted to look like a really happy little kid in the photos and actively tried to spend every second wearing a big smile.

You also chose the Neverland-themed “Farewell, Neverland” as your favorite song.

SOOBIN: I really love that song so I wanted to sing it particularly well. And since I like it so much, I did the most takes and editing for that one. It’s a difficult song, so practicing it was a little hard, but after it was all done and I listened to it, it actually turned out really well. (laughs) And with songs like “Devil by the Window” and “Sugar Rush Ride,” there’s ideas like temptation and the devil, so I used my voice a lot in ways I never did before in my life to sing the songs in a whole new style. It was a little challenging at times (laughs) but I put a lot of effort in and I think I captured the idea of temptation well.

There’s definitely a nuance of temptation. I think, despite those temptations, there’s sometimes things you have to hold onto. Sort of like the words in the logo video: “It’s so sweet, but I should find my name.” As a member of TOMORROW X TOGETHER, is there something you want to hold onto?

SOOBIN: I’ve said this again and again since debuting, but I want to hold onto the TOMORROW X TOGETHER name. I hope the name stays pure even after a long time passes. Even when our 15th or 20th anniversary rolls around, I want to make sure the name keeps its pure image, so when people mention our name, they’ll think, Those guys worked really hard. They were an amazing group.

Considering your members, I don’t think you’ll have any problem holding onto the meaning of the name. What do you, in your everyday life, want to hold onto—want to make sure you don’t lose no matter how much time passes?

SOOBIN: I want to be surrounded by good people the way I am now for a long, long time. I have a really good judge of character (laughs) and the other members, my friends, all the staff—absolutely all of them are great people. I feel like I’m living a blessed life with all these good people surrounding me.

You probably have so many good people around you because you’re a good person yourself.

SOOBIN: Yep! (laughs) That’s part of it. There’s definitely some kind of influence there. (laughs)

It makes me think of when you said on Weverse, “I hope you take a look at the real-life Choi Soobin. Honestly, when I look at myself, even I think I’m an okay person.” (laughs)

SOOBIN: I actually think SOOBIN the K-pop singer has a number of shortcomings but that the real-life SOOBIN is a great person. It’s sort of weird coming from me (laughs) but the more you get to know him, the more you realize he’s an okay guy. And I heard a lot of good things from the people around me last year. Someone told me, “I feel really comfortable around you. I really open up around you.” My friends said, “I’m really lucky to have you as a friend.” When I heard that, it made me think I might really be a pretty decent person.

You gain self-confidence from the important people in your life that way.

SOOBIN: Exactly. If you look at it that way, I’m discovering my own identity step by step, and the more I get to know myself in the process, the more I feel like I’m a really emotionally strong person—not just a strong person, but a strong person with a good mind. And MOA’s always helping make me into that kind of person. It might sound like a cliché at this point because I say it to them so often, and I don’t want to diminish its power by overusing it (laughs) but “thank you” really is the very best thing I can say, I think. I don’t just say it lightly—I’m being completely sincere. I’m really grateful.

#txt #tomorrow x together #230207 #weverse magazine #soobin #choi soobin #The Name Chapter: TEMPTATION #The Name Chapter

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brokenmusicboxwolfe · 9 months

Text

I went into the post office today still thinking about rather dark things. I was in a lot of pain, of course, so maybe it had gotten me in a mood.

Recently I found out that my brother has said horrible things, only horrible things, “never a kind word” about me to my one actual friend. She seemed amazed at how nasty he was. Maybe more hurtfully, he’d been telling her to never help me. I need to learn a lesson, you see, be punished for being a failure. Obviously I’m not trying hard enough, and if I can only suffer enough I will fix myself….

Yeah, I dunno either. My brother has been a painful mystery with his harshness for a long time. My parents worried, but were no more able to know what to so than I am. **What do you do to deal with a mindset that can be cruel, full of resentments, threats, and bitterness, that sees all the world in terms of enemies and battles? He actually lectured me once for not “hating properly”. It seems exhausting and sad.

Anyway, I limped in feeling upset with myself as much as hurt by my brother. After all, I am broken obviously. I work so hard for nothing, make no progress in anything. I feel lazy if I even rest when I hurt so much I’m crying out in pain, so when I’m accused of being lazy I find it too easy to believe.

So what happens? Oh, I get asked a out my day, so I start telling. And I laugh explaining why one of my hands is covered in something blue, why my injured finger resembles a cherry Tootsie Pop, why there are twig all in my hair, why my shirt has flour on it and I smell of spices, etc….I mean, it was just an ordinary enough day by my standards.

And so the wide eyed lady starts telling me how amazing I am. (The only compliment to seem more off base was my high school art teacher saying I was the coolest person in the school! LOL) She tells me I have a heart of gold. (Yeah, really! LOL)

She said I was one of the most beautiful people inside and out. (I resisted laughing, but it was hard)

She tells me I must stop taking care of other people all the time, and take care of myself. (Um, most of what I do is survival…you know, taking care of myself)

She tells me I deserve to take a day every week to pamper myself, just take a day off. (Not gonna happen, when my work is survival)

She tells me she is making it her mission before the end of the year to do a make over of me!

Actually that last one threw me the most. First off, a make over suggests I was ever made to being with!

It’s sweetly meant, but ridiculous. Nice as it might be to wear makeup once in my life, I can’t say I am keen on my being a living doll to be made up to someone else’s aesthetics. She insists it will change my life and everyone will be shocked by how beautiful I actually am, which is obviously absurd. Playing dress up can’t change a life, and no one will EVER think I am beautiful. And, even if I DID like whatever look, I sure as hell don’t have the time or money to mess around keeping it up, especially when my only audience for it would be the animals!!!

Then came the religion. Oh, she tells me, god knows how good I am. That’s why god keeps blessing me…

Um, if this is being blessed I’d hate to see what cursed is like!

And so she goes on about how everything is possible with god’s will, how faith like mine is rewarded, and on and on….

I’m not a christian. I’m agnostic, bordering on atheist. But I know how this goes. I live in a teeny town in the bible belt. You smile. You say thanks when they bless you or pray for you. You are grateful for the emotional intent. You never ever debate them or roll you eyes or…

And then an older woman came in, one that texts me when the weather seems dangerous. I haven’t seen her in person in years. Her health is rough, but her husband has never recovered from covid so he’s been hospitalized forever.

She sort of let me know she was hurt I didn’t always text her back. I try to explain my phone, which sounds feeble, and the post master jumps in to explain how busy I always am….And I ask about how she’s doing and her husband so everything is fine again.

A very strange thing happens. The woman is having some sort of questioning god moment. She’s using all the local language about praying and blessings and so forth, and the suddenly says: “But I keep wondering. I mean, a whole airplane full of hundreds of people, and it crashes. Was it REALLY the time for ALL those people all at once?!?”

She’s upset so you can tell it is getting to her, and the post master who is likewise religious thrown for a second, trying to think what to say from the grab bag of quotable they keep ready….

And I speak up. I tell her, well, thousands of people die every day, so why couldn’t many be in one place. And thousands are born too…

And so on.

I was doing the “well, if there is a god then couldn’t it logically work like this…”!!!!!

FFS, I, a skeptic to very bottom of my soul, was actually trying to soothe away the doubts of a believer simply because I don’t want them to be upset!! I was making the argument for religion because I felt she needs it, but what right do I have to decide that?

How presumptuous of me!

I should have said nothing I guess. Let the two religious women talk, see if the one unshakable could say something the one shaken needed to hear. But she was upset and what I said comforted her, and I never lied to her. I never mentioned god or spirits or any other mumbo jumbo. I just said a sort “ if this, then that” that I hoped help.

But it bothers me I jumped in like. I just encouraged someone to believe something I think is bullshit (not the “every day many people die” thing, but the “supernatural forced decide” implied part), and most likely have led them to believe I share their religion (which, to be fair, around here EVERYONE assumes about everyone else anyway). Hypocrisy and dishonestly about my beliefs are anathema to me and this comes perilously close.

So, today I went into the post office in a funk about myself, had a conversation that gave me an undeserved ego boost, and left in a funk again!!!

**I want to be clear about this, my parents were kind and generous people. Oh sure, they had their fill of frustrations (more than their share in Pop’s case) and anger, but it was never aimed like a weapon. They never wanted to hurt people, but to help them. His failing and mine are our own, mixed with “injuries” inflicted by the world beyond our home.

I know most folks blame their parents, usually understandably, but there are limits what even loving, smart, and well meaning parents can do when the chemistry of a child’s nature comes into contact with volatile parts of society . Boom. Explosions. Implosions. Everything changes and sometimes the results are poisonous.

#my day #conversations #peopling #me #socializing #religion #I have no idea how to tag this!

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hungrywriter · 2 years

Text

Back Together Again (pt.3)

ps4/ps5 Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Warning : Reader uses she/her pronouns

Y/n’s POV

Y/n frowned when she heard her doorbell ring. She knew she wasn't expecting any guests today. She opened the door and saw a face she hadn't seen for 5 years.

“Pete..?” His name was the only thing that managed to leave her mouth. Both of them stared at each other before the kid next to him interrupted the silence. He introduced himself and held up his hand. Y/n returned the favour and shook his hand while opening the door bigger for the boys to come in. Peter came in after Miles and handed Y/n the roses and a box of pie.

“Wow, you even remembered my favourite pie,” Y/n teased as she walked over to the kitchen to serve the pie.

“It's the least we could do for dropping by so suddenly,” Pete answered, sitting beside Miles at the dining table. The boys watched as Y/n placed the roses in a vase. There was an awkward silence filled the air so Peter decided to break it.

“Yesterday, we went to a mafia meeting. There were 6 families being called out, even yours. Do you know about this?” Peter asked carefully. He saw Y/n’s shoulder slumped but she regained composure. She turned and walked away, not before ordering the boys to follow her. They went inside the room and led them to a computer.

“Heh, I remember this room. N/n’s Villain room, as you like to call it,” Peter smiled. Y/n only smiled but her face turned serious as she showed Peter her computer and email.

“A few days ago, I received an email from a man that claims to be Kingpin’s successor. It was an invitation to join the Villain’s Association. He wanted to bring all crime families together so he could take down all heroes and take over the world. The family-” Y/n told Peter. She was about to tell more when Miles interrupted her. The two older adults whipped their heads to the teenager who was standing in front of a display case. The case displayed Y/n’s old suit, during her villain era.

“Woah, You’re THE Y/n L/n? N/n as in Y/n? I read about you during class! You were like the coolest and youngest supervillain to ever live! The successor to Mr L/n, the most notorious supervillain in the 80s.You could summon any weapons your mind could think of!” Miles exclaimed as he looked at all the past articles about Y/n. Upon hearing her past, Y/n groaned in embarrassment. She turned to Peter and whispered, “Whose child did you adopt?” Now, it was Peter’s turn to be ashamed. He loves Miles but the teenager can sometimes be very energetic. Y/n then turned back to the computer to discuss the Villain’s Association.

Day turned into night and it was time for the boys to go home. They had received a lot of intel from Y/n and they were grateful for it. Peter asked Miles to wait outside the door, much to the teenager’s dismay. Soon, it was just Y/n and Peter alone in the room. There was deafening silence and none of them tried to avoid eye contact. Finally, after it felt like hours, Peter slowly walked forward to the female.

“Y/n. I... I never really apologise for what happened. I know you hate me but I am so sorry for what happened. I didn’t mean to kill him. The t-tower fell on him and I couldn’t...” He trailed off. He saw there were tears falling down her cheek so he lifted his hand and wiped it away. Y/n’s breath hitched and she leaned into his hand.

“I don’t hate you. We were young and naive back then. My father would have escape prison anyways. It’s okay. I forgive you, I think,” Y/n whispered, rubbing his hand on her cheek. Her hands snaked up his stomach and onto his shoulders. Peter gently placed his hands to her waist and rested his forehead on hers. They stayed in that position for a while, swaying to the music playing downstairs. Peter smiled. He truly felt like was a dumb teenager in love again. “I missed you” was all he heard from her to crash his lips onto hers. He missed this feeling. Thankfully, she reciprocated. It was perfect. It was as if their lips was molded to fit each other perfectly. He wanted to do more but he stopped, remembering about the Villain’s Association and Miles. He slowly pulled back and Y/n did the same. He swore he could hear her whimper from the loss of contact.

“I know its useless to ask you but I need all the help I can get. Will you help me? Please?” He asked. Y/n’s expression faltered and she used both her hands to push him away.

“You know I would. But after what happened, I just couldn’t do it. I can’t and I don't want to go back to living that life. That’s just not who I am anymore. I’m sorry, Peter,” She walked away as she shook her head. Peter sighed. He had already won the girl of his dreams but he had to ruin if because of the Villain’s Association. He slowly walked out of the house but not before giving her one last glance.

“Think about it, please,” Peter said, as he closed the door behind him. Y/n slumped on her couch and thought about what happened with Peter when she heard the boys' conversation outside the door.

‘So is she coming with us?” She heard Miles ask Peter excitedly. She could imagine his toothy smile as he looked up to Pete. That made her smile softly to herself.

“I don’t think so buddy. C’mon, let's go, we have to prepare for what is coming at us,” Peter replied, gravely. Y/n’s smile quickly turned upside down as she heard Peter's words. She groaned as she looked at her family picture that was sitting proudly above the fireplace. Looks like she gotta make some calls.

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #ps4!peter parker #spider-man #spiderman #spiderman x you #spiderman x y/n

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superghfan · 2 years

Photo

Everything to Know About 'General Hospital' Star and Daytime Emmy Winner Nicholas Chavez

People Magazine

Meet General Hospital's newest breakout star.

Nicholas Chavez, who plays spoiled rich kid Spencer Cassadine on the ABC soap opera, won a Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Younger Performer in a Drama Series in June less than a year after joining the General Hospital cast.

"Twelve months before I received that award, I was selling cars down in Florida so it was a paradigm shift of epic proportions," he tells PEOPLE. "It was very, very surreal to stand up on that stage and be recognized for the thing that I'm more passionate about than anything else in life."

He adds, "It was a real dream come true, and I'm incredibly thankful — and still now, months later, in disbelief quite frankly."

Chavez, 23, shares that winning the prize for his first professional acting role was "completely unexpected" but he did prepare a speech just in case.

"Whenever I have to be on stage as myself, I can get a bit nervous so it's helpful for me to have something to fall back on so I'm not just rambling," he shares. "So in that sense, I did prepare something. The only thing I expected was it was going to be a fun night with my coworkers."

He knew he wanted to be an actor in high school — but was hesitant to pursue it

The Colorado native recalls getting the acting bug while playing Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird in high school after another student called out sick.

"I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life when I was in high school," he tells PEOPLE. "So when the faculty all came and saw the production, I had multiple people pull me aside and say, 'You should consider doing this as a profession,' which sounded really, really crazy to me because that wasn't generally something you did for work in Denver."

He adds that working in the entertainment industry was a "pretty foreign concept" to him at the time.

He was cast on General Hospital 24 hours after his screen test

Chavez recalls the quick audition process for landing the part of spoiled rich kid Spencer Cassadine on the soap opera.

When the actor arrived for the screen test, he looked around the room and saw "pretty stiff competition."

"But, ultimately I just sorta reconciled that ultimately all I can do is be the artist that I am and bring to it what I bring to it," he explains.

He found that he got the part only one day later, telling PEOPLE it "was probably the coolest moment of my life so far." He adds, "I bought a return ticket but they called me 24 hours after the audition and they said, 'Hey, don't fly back home. We need you to film here next Wednesday. Congratulations.'"

He is grateful the support of his General Hospital costars

Chavez took over the part of Spencer from actor Nicolas Bechtel, so fans weren't immediately thrilled with the recasting decision.

"Some of the fans didn't like me at first because I'm a recast. There was an actor who played my character before me," he says. "You know I was a bit green at first. I think people were seeing that. So online, people would be like, 'I like the old actor who played Spencer better.' I've seen him work and he's a great actor. Very, very charismatic."

"Some of the comments were sorta getting to me," he admits. "[My costars] were like, 'Dude, just give it some time, give it some time let them get used to you,' you know, 'Don't think too hard about it.'"

Chavez is grateful to the cast for welcoming him into "the General Hospital family with open arms" and says fans' comments online "are great now. Now, it's like fun to go online. It's like rave reviews every time."

He predicts his character can find a better path

Chavez admits that landing in prison was "a new low for Spencer."

"I think that if I had to make a prediction about what will happen, it will be seeing Spencer pull himself up by sheer force and volition," he shares of his character's future. "Seeing Spencer pull himself up for the lowest point he's ever been in his life to becoming self-realized and exactly who is destined to become even if it doesn't please everyone else in his life.

He has some big career goals

Chavez says General Hospital has been a "a really, really phenomenal training ground."

"You get a lot of experiences doing soaps as an actor, but I would love to stay in TV," he says. "I would love to do film."

He adds that he would like to join the cast of an "HBO-style drama." His dream shows include Euphoria and Succession.

He's an adventurer seeker

One look at Chavez's Instagram and it's clear that he is always for an adventure.

He booked a trip to Istanbul, Athens and Rome four days before he left earlier this month. He also recently went skydiving and surfing.

For his next big adventure, he hopes to visit Vietnam and Thailand.

#nicholas chavez #spencer cassadine #general hospital #people magazine #interview

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gladiolidiaries · 1 year

Note

quackity priv tweets talking about content/his english audience

12/22/22: im feeling under the weather guys no driving stream i am sorry :(

12/20/22: ME AND F**LISH (FOOLISH) ARE GOING ON A DRIVING DATE TOMORROW AND IM STREAMING IT (DONT TELL HIM ITS A DATE)))(

12/7/22: Want to take the time to thank all the English speaking viewers who take the time to learn o try to learn the Spanish language to understand some of the content. It’s the coolest and cutest thing ever. Don’t worry to those who don’t anyway, lots of HUGE stuff coming for yall

10/19/22: I’m genuinely upset that throughout my career I’ve been seen as a horrible cook for all the silly little cooking streams I’ve done, when I OBVIOUSLY am not that shit at cooking. On Saturday I’ll do an actual serious cooking stream to prove all of you wrong because I’m sick of it

10/11/22: thank u guys for being so sweet and so nice to me at twitchcon. had a blast meeting every single one of you, both from my English speaking and Spanish speaking community i will proceed to yell from happiness AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

9/25/22: DOING A SHORT SPANISH STREAM THEN DOING THE $5k CLOTHES STREAM RIGHT AFTER ❤️

9/22/22: FUN STWEAM THIS WEEKEND

9/17/22: i'm going through so much footage and so many scripts that explain SO much. I wrote all the scene contexts with such depth, this is gonna be amazing

9/15/22: In one of the upcoming days I’ll be doing a FULL ON behind the scenes stream of ALL the Las Nevadas footage/scripts/images/bloopers I’ve obtained throughout almost 2 years of DSMP. :)

9/12/22: I WANNA DO A DRIVING STREAM AGAIN SO BAD

9/7/22: IM SO FUCKING NERVOUS THIS NEXT LORE STREAM IS A LITERAL MOVIE IM GETTING SHAKY JUST EDITING IT I CANT BELIEVE WHAT IM LOOKING AT OMFG. AND YALL KNOW I DONT OVERHYPE WHERE THERE IS NO HYPE THIS IS FUCKING THE GREATEST THING EVER; LORE STREAM TIME WILL BE ANNOUNCED TOMORROW

9/2/22: BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY

8/25/22: i cant believe how fucking crazy this whole lore is ending up looking like lol

8/13/22: Despite it being short, had so much fucking fun with this stream can’t wait to do it again soon. Love and appreciate u guys so much

8/12/22: MAIN CHANNEL VIDEO OUT TOMORROW (SATURDAY) DRIVING STREAM TOMORROW (SATURDAY) ALSO OPENING THIS ACCOUNT RIGHT NOW

8/11/22: BIG VIDEO BIG STREAM BIG LORE THE DELIVERY DATE ON ALL OF THESE IS VERY APPROXIMATE IN TIME

7/30/22: I just hit a million subscribers on my Spanish channel and I cannot thank you guys enough for everything. Iwouldn’t be able to do this in Spanish if not for the insane support my English community has brought me throughout the years. Love and appreciate you all so much ❤️; It may not seem out of the ordinary but being able to do all this in Spanish as well has been a dream I’ve had since I was a kid. I feel so blessed to have TWO amazing communities. Cant wait to bring a lot more incredible content to everyone!!!!

7/27/22: miss u guys!!

6/26/22: I REALLY MEAN IT WHEN I SAY I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU GUYS SO MUCH ❤️; I feel so emotional, a few days ago I got to stand inside the boxing ring of the BIGGEST ever Twitch event ever made in history with many of my Spanish friends. You guys have given me these opportunities and I’m so fucking grateful to have TWO massive and supportive communities!

6/15/22: For the next 3 days (or less) I’m participating in a huge Spanish Minecraft event on my alt Twitch channel :-) Super appreciative of those who come and support the streams despite not knowing Spanish. In one of these days I’ll raid into my main and do an English stream btw ^_^

4/11/22: MY VIDEO IS NEARLY FINISHED SO MANY BIG THINGS COMING IM SO EXCITED I LOVE U ALL I CANT WAIT

4/2/22: Hey guys, sorry for the lack of activity recently. I’ve been working hard on literally my favorite fucking video of all time. I say this for each video I make and I mean it every time. It’s coming out soon and im so fucking excited for you guys to see. Big fucking plans ahead ily

3/20/22: i remember after working on my last lore stream every day from morning to night for a month, i remember the morning after the stream, i woke up at 5AM and i literally just went to the beach and sat there for an hour it was so nice. im so happy to see everyone getting the merch; i have so many projects in the works and i can’t wait to replicate this feeling many more times in my life

3/9/22: I just filmed the most incredible video I think I’ve ever done in my career. I’m so fucking happy for these opportunities. Love you all I’m so excited to show you

2/24/22: AHHHHHHH school has been super difficult on me recently but i have so many projects on standby ready to go!!! thank you guys so much for the patience i promise theres some really big stuff for you all soon!!!!

2/21/22: STREAMS BACK IN FULL FORCE SOON 😈😈😈 HAVE A BUNCHA COOL THINGS PLANNED BUT ID STILL LOVE 2 KNOW WHAT U GUYS WANNA SEE

2/12/22: i miss you guys. ive been incredibly busy but working some incredible fucking stuff. i feel excited and very blessed

oh thanks for sending that. i think deep down he probably wants to shift to Spanish only but knows that a big % of people are attached to his english content so he keeps trying to say that things are coming

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katevd · 2 years

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Dear Trevor

Today is strange.

As soon as we lost Trevor, I gained something. I started watching his videos, everything I had missed in 10 years. Through my grief I created. I started podcasting, I started doing what I had been putting off because why would anyone give a fuck about me or my stuff? I lost that fear. I could not waste my pain, a month and a half of mourning my childhood hero, and even if it was at the end of my childhood, I still needed Trevor and WKUK to be there for me. They became my adult Sesame Street. They became my happy space. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen season one of WKUK, blaring it throughout my house while home alone, staying home from high school my senior year dying my hair bleach blonde, listening to the Never song rushing into the living room saying ‘Did he just tell them how to make meth?’ They became my happy space.

And again, they are my safe space. The boiz, they have seen me in chat, read my comments. All of them have laughed at something I said…just not Trev. I found their videos and community after. I wish Trev would have seen me around, seen me as a fan. I’m sure he’d have some funny thing to say about my Tumblr or being friends with Carlotta but I wouldn’t mind, he’d be right. I wish I could tell him how he changed my life, saved my life during my parents’ divorce and my own PTSD bullshit. I felt like the coolest kid I knew because I watched a sketch group on FUSE. A part of a special club for dark humour and smart jokes.

I pray that his family is ok today; I pray that his son will grow up knowing his father was the coolest guy around, and everyone who knew him knew this too. We have hours and hours of him on video. The last year of his life spent with his best friends talking about their great show. What a blessing that the pandemic brought to us, 5 of the most talented guys I know sharing their experiences with us. And made us laugh.

I send love to his friends, Zach, Sam, Darren and Timmy. I pray that knowing how loved their friend and founder is bringing them some comfort. I thank them for all their work they’ve continued to do. They have strength, wild abundance of strength to march forward as they did. And to all the fans who kept on as well, we’re all much more powerful than we think.

Here are some things I think could help today:

1) Write something, anything. A stupid story, something you’ve been meaning to write for a long time but never got started. Being creative this weekend has helped, tons. Even a nasty poem will work. As Trev says ‘You gotta make cum to be cum!”

2) Call your family. Text an old friend. Tell them you’re thinking about them, love them. Ask them how their summer is going. Reach out to someone you’ve been meaning to say hello to. Tell the people you love you love them now. Have no regrets today.

3) Open the door for someone. Tell someone they look good. Just spread kindness, we all need it more than ever. Was Trevor the best guy all the time? No. But was he good person some of the time, yeah. He loved his wife and his kid and he loved his work. Spread that love around.

4) Be grateful for today. Be grateful for the things you have, even if it’s very little. Say out loud ‘I am grateful for ___” let the universe know how thankful you are and the things you hold dear.

5) And finally, just jump into a sketch. Listen to a Trev song, watch some of the 24 hour marathon show, just be with him today. Leave a uplifting comment. Something like that to share the love.

Trevor, I love you and I miss you. I wish I got to say something to you while you were with us but now I get to bug your friends and I’m sure you’d laugh at that. You saved my life. You made my life worth living. You were the light at the end of the teenage angst tunnel and without you I’d be lame like everyone else. Keep watching over all of us dolllickers and inspiring us to be fearless, brave, funny and smart. We miss you so much, but your light keeps giving.

Love forever, Kate.

#trevor moore #wkuk #whitest kids u know #podcast

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jthornton6 · 5 months

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Blog 8

Jan 12

Italy was incredible. Hands down some of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen or experienced happened this week in Italy. Funnily enough, my favorite structure isn’t even technically in Italy! The Vatican’s St. Peter’s Basilica was a jaw dropping experience. While waiting in a long line I was worried that the wait would ultimately be too long and the inside wouldn’t live up to the hype. I was so mistaken. While the outside is impressive and beautiful, the inside blew me away. The stunning murals, archways, pillars, and domes had my jaw on the floor. Not even to mention the sculptures and art along the walls! It was just ridiculous something that beautiful even exists, it feels truly like one of the most beautiful things on the planet.

My favorite city was Florence. Florence felt very busy and hard to navigate, but welcoming and easy to digest as a visitor. The structures perfectly embodied the renaissance era and to me the renaissance is the coolest design out of all the periods we discussed in class. All the red shingled roofs surrounding the massive and beautiful Duomo was gorgeous. It felt old but well designed as well when it came to city layout and planning. Most of all you’d ever need is nearby and it didn’t take much to go out on an adventure. The art in the city was just incredible. Michelangelo’s David was the most detailed and “perfect” sculpture I’ve ever seen. Worth every penny to go and see. The city was just fantastic, as someone who likes the countryside more than the city, it’s a big deal to me to find a city I truly enjoyed.

As for goals, I feel like I am doing a great job meeting them so far. I absolutely experienced and learned from Italian culture, and already have little tidbits and phrases that I will take back home with me and incorporate into my personal sayings. Really really appreciated Italian culture in its romance. Nobody was truly rude to me even when I didn’t know any Italian which I know could be very annoying. That meant a lot to me. I feel like I understand my place in the world much better already. Being in Italy in different cities completely proved my assumption that each region of a country is different with its own culture that is different than the culture I am used to. It’s a humbling experience not knowing a language and poorly speaking the little phrases I’ve picked up to try and be polite. In that position you entirely bank on the kindness of the person you’re speaking to, and every time I was given the most patience and understanding. People apologized for not having strong English, which is just not something one should ever apologize for. We should apologize for not knowing Italian, yet everyone we met tried their best to speak English while we attempted Italian. It was almost like an act of mutual respect of differences, and I felt respected and I hope the people we met felt the same. I have also learned a ton more about architecture, I totally understand why it’s a big deal in Italy. Some of the most incredible buildings in the world are in Italy and the citizens are very proud of their art and history. Anthony was a wonderful resource and am also very grateful for him and all our guides. I feel like I understand the hype about certain buildings and why architecture in a global lense is so important. I’ve met so many wonderful people on this trip and have become much closer to my classmates. I am already so thankful some people came on this trip as it was the reason I will be friends with them moving forward after the trip. The human experience is strong on this trip and I am loving every second of it. The strangers are also wonderful to learn from as I mentioned earlier.

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keenexpressions · 1 year

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Audrey Pangemanan

1. Name, Year, & Major

Audrey Pangemanan, 4th Year, Psychology

2. If you were a luxury brand, what would it be and why?

If I were a luxury brand I would be YSL (Yves Saint Laurent) or Chanel. I chose these brands because I would like to describe myself as a pretty classy, somewhat sophisticated person with a bit of edge and girly-ness. Also, I do like their collections and the clothes they present are timeless, and in the future I would like to have my own collection of YSL or Chanel clothing.

3. Who is your personal hero and why?

I would say my little brother is my personal hero. Even though he’s 13 years old, I ‘d say he’s someone I could always count on and go to when I feel down. He’s someone I love and care so much about and it’s mutual. I always smile and feel happy when I’m around him, he always makes me laugh when I feel stressed.

4. How do you react after a conflict occurs, and why?

Usually, I would try to think logically and not emotionally in a conflict situation because I don’t want to waste my energy and time on something that could be solved, and also not have a mental breakdown about it. I would try to find ways and scenarios to resolve the conflict, otherwise it’ll just become out of sight out of mind for myself.

5. If you were granted 3 wishes, what would it be?

First, I wish to relieve my family from debt, because my family has struggled financially since I was born and my parents worked so hard to give my siblings and I a good life, it’s only right for my family to not stress financially. Second, I wish to get unlimited boba wherever I go, because boba is expensive now and I almost buy 2 bobas a day, so das like almost $20 per day which is insane and lowkey irresponsible. Lastly, I would wish for my family in Indonesia to be in the U.S because my parents (especially my mom) hasn’t seen their family for over 20 years and it’d be nicer to have my family in the same country as us.

6. What would you Google about your life?

I would google to see if I made an impact in people’s lives. I’m someone that has a self deprecating nature so I feel like I don’t positively impact people or is significant, so I would check if I ever did or was significant to anyone in their lives.

7. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

My thing about myself is how well spoken I am. I’d say it’s my favorite compliment I’ve ever received by anyone (S/O to Sharon Tan) because I do like to think I know how to use words to describe my experiences and emotions to people so they could understand me as a human being.

8. What's your toxic trait?

I’d say my toxic trait is being negative about myself. Because I have tons of trauma hehe :D

9. Would you visit the future or past?

I would visit the future but not far into it. The past should always remain the past, you can’t alter the past unless you want your present to be different but so far, I feel great right now, present. I wouldn’t visit too far in the future because I don’t want to spoil the surprise for myself.

10. What are the biggest differences between you today/now and five years ago?

The difference between myself today and myself five years ago, would be that I am more well spoken and I’m able to defend myself than stay quiet. I was usually someone who was afraid to express myself because of the fear of rejection and people disliking me. I was (still but growing out of) a people pleasing person. I couldn’t help but want to be liked by others and seen as the coolest and chill person. But that had consequences. I was always on my toes about doing things for others and to be seen in that light. However, in reality, I was never able to speak for myself, and instead do things I didn’t want to do or agree with certain things. Later on in my life, I met my best friend. I’m very grateful to meet my best friend, Jesselyn, who always helped me grow out of that personality of mine and become who I am today. As corny as it sounds, she’s someone who truly accepted who I was as a human being and I can confidently say is my best friend and someone I can see stay in my life forever. She taught me that it’s okay to speak to defend myself, have my own opinions, etc. The advice I would give past me is to not be afraid of who you’re pleasing or to say no or to have a different opinion. The only person you should please is yourself and that you’re the main character of your life not other people.

#excomm

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codemerything · 2 years

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From: Emmanuel Okon Edem

To: Emery Edem

Letter to my older self 🖤

thank you for carrying me through this years, honestly, i don’t think i’ve ever thanked you for all that you’ve done, not giving up on me, for all the changes you’ve allowed me make, for the patience, for being so open for allowing me be the person that people know me for, thank you for helping me create memories with people, for prioritizing peoples needs and always been there for people for also being so full of shit and mistakes and being a child. for being so expressive, i will miss you always trying to make the place lively or be entertaining, i’ll miss you especially when you’re so talkative about the things you’re so passionate about. for being so true. You created this person, you made me who I am, I’m so proud of having you in my life and for the past couple years you’ve always held me down and I’m super grateful for that. Ow! The love, you loved so deeply and you cared almost too much, you wanted everyone to know you’re so good and full of warmth, you overshared because you didn’t know how to not overshare, so quick to anger, uncomfortable with serious conversations, always ready to show people you’re a genius and how smart you are, trying to be the coolest in the room. You were always thinking about what people would say, you were always scared of being seen as a bad child because of some of your life choices, you never really allowed yourself be; you would always change your clothes to fit in with the crowd, you never allowed yourself be and you really wanted to. You were obsessed with peoples perception of you, and never your own perception of you. So insecure and allow people ride on you so much , overthinking but that’s all you knew if you had known better or how to change you would have but somehow you were able to move forward and carry yourself through even with all this imperfections and always willing to change but you had to go because your time was up. It’s time to be reborn.

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myhoneststudyblr · 4 years

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here is my brand new challenge! i’ve known that i was going to do this challenge since i started my summer challenge in july so i am so psyched to be able to finally share it with you guys! i hope that you will enjoy it <3

DISCLAIMER: lots of the prompts in December are to do with Christmas because that is what i celebrate at this time of year. i was very aware of that when i was writing the prompts but i did not think that knew enough about other festivals and holidays at this time to write prompts about them. i did not want any prompts i made to be disrespectful. if you don’t celebrate Christmas, please know that this challenge is still for you! you can either just use the prompts anyway (if they are applicable) or adapt them to fit the festival or holiday that you celebrate. if it is impossible to adapt, then simply tell me about what you celebrate because i am excited to learn about them! [this was edited later because i realised i forgot to add it - thank you to the anon who queried this issue for reminding me <3]

✨ Info ✨

If you do the challenge, use the tag #winter studying challenge so i (and others) can see your posts. I try to reblog as many as possible.

This challenge will run for two months - from the 1st December to the 31st January

There are daily prompts for every day of December and January

But as always I don’t expect everyone to be able to post every day so you can always do catchup posts!

If you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask!

✨ Rules ✨

If you want to do the challenge, please reblog this post

If you do it on any other social media platform (ie. Instagram), please give credit. You can find my instagram here - my username is the same as on here @myhoneststudyblr

The challenge will officially start on the 1st December, but if you come across this later, you can definitely start anytime during these two months!

✨ Prompts ✨

1st December - Do you like winter?

2nd December - What is your favourite thing about winter?

3rd December - What is your least favourite thing about winter?

4th December - What is an unpopular opinion that you have about winter?

5th December - Are you usually busy during winter?

6th December - Do you get a break from school/uni/work during winter?

7th December - How do you stay motivated during winter?

8th December - When should people start preparing for, decorating and celebrating Christmas?

9th December - What do you usually do during the holidays?

10th December - What is a cherished family tradition from your childhood?

11th December - What is a favourite family Christmas/holiday memory that has stuck with you through the years? Why?

12th December - Does your family have any odd traditions during the holidays?

13th December - When do you buy your Christmas presents?

14th December - Share a memorable gift-opening moment from your childhood.

15th December - What is the coolest gift you ever gave someone?

16th December - What is your favourite Christmas movie?

17th December - What is your favourite Christmas song/carol?

18th December - What is a Christmas song that makes you cringe?

19th December - What is your favourite holiday food?

20th December - What is your least favourite holiday food?

21st December - What was the most memorable holiday celebration you had at school?

22nd December - Finish this thought, "It wouldn't be Christmas without _____."

23rd December - If you could design your own ugly Christmas sweater, what would it look like?

24th December - What is your Christmas wish?

25th December - Merry Christmas! Tell us about your day!

26th December - What do you do the day after Christmas?

27th December - What was the best moment

28th December - What are you grateful for?

29th December - Christmas or New Years

30th December - What is your best memory from 2020?

31st December - Would you rather stay home or go out on New Year’s Eve?

1st January - Happy New Year! What did you learn in the past year?

2nd January - Have you made any New Years’ Resolutions?

3rd January - What is your aim for 2021?

4th January - What is the most important thing that is going to happen to you this year?

5th January - Would you rather live in a world where it is always winter or always summer?

6th January - What is the weather like during winter in your country?

7th January - Do you like the cold?

8th January - Where is the coldest place you’ve ever been to?

9th January - Name one place you could never live because of the winter weather.

10th January - Have you ever seen snow? When was the last time you saw it?

11th January - Would you rather play in the rain or play in a snowstorm?

12th January - Would you rather have a snowball fight or build a big snowman?

13th January - Would you rather have an entire snow week off from school or an extra week of summer vacation?

14th January - What is your favourite winter outfit?

15th January - Would you rather wear a winter jacket in the summer or a bathing suit in the winter?

16th January - Scarves or sweaters?

17th January - Gloves or mittens?

18th January - Wear mittens forever or a winter hat every single day?

19th January - What outdoor winter activity do you love?

20th January - Do you do any winter sports?

21st January - Stay warm inside or go outside in the cold?

22nd January - Ice skate or rollerblade?

23rd January - Polar bear or penguin?

24th January - Arctic fox or snowy owl?

25th January - What is your favourite winter drink?

26th January - Live in a world without hot chocolate or only be able to drink hot apple cider?

27th January - Have icy blue skin or have a runny nose all the time?

28th January - Play in the snow or play in the sand?

29th January - Go skiing or snowboarding?

30th January - Have a birthday in winter or in summer?

31st January - What was your favourite thing about winter this year?

✨ and that is the challenge! i really hope you will enjoy my challenge and if you have any questions, remember you can always send me an ask! ✨

[taglist beneath the cut]

@athenastudying @sadkidwarexpert @bulletnotestudies @dragonfliies @humscholar @marketingstudiesblog @peachblossomstudy

@heroicdelusion

@studying-slytherclaw @museeofmoon @ndemic @lochsides @just-a-cup-of-anxietea @didis-studyblah @jarofsharpies @germanellewoods @worn-out-converse-girl-studies @softcroft @imperfect-productivity @fancy-peanut-student @studyingwithadd @theamazingdevilgivesmehope @sahersstudyblr @rainbowwlsparroww @headgirlstudy @violetteharuka @lattesandlearning @lalazyperfectionist @katistudies @hannistudies @studyholicmusings @wordlywindss @melliflous-nights @tolle-lege @mysticalcollegestudent @sri-langblr @kawaiidecorhistorytree @imperfect-productivity @idlestudy @casual-minimalist @strawbrryz @ishouldprobsbestudyingrn @nefelibatastudy @thecrazychatlady

@andiwriteunderthemoon @eriisstudying @equinesanonymous @flower-child2021 @studylikegeller @captnxmarvel @voyagenotes

@headgirlstudy

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