#this is also the teacher that made another friend of mine cry

[gemglyph]

Story time.

Class was canceled today, I didn't know that because I missed the email, so I went to class and there was NO ONE there at ALL.. Aside from two people who don't even have class with me. They're not classmates of mine. There's this one girl that I kinda recognize and when I walked in and asked where everyone was she was like "Idk but I came here for help from the Professor". Since she's working on printmaking I kinda go "oh, okay! Anything I can do to help?" And she says I can give it a shot...

I solve her problem in less than five minutes

She has a lino-cut (a linoleum block that artists carve into for printmaking) attached to a wood board. The wood board is. It's Warped. Bent. She says she doesn't understand why. Now, she's been running this wood board through the print press. To do her prints. As one does when they're printmaking. The prints are smearing on the paper. The wood is warped. When you put excessive pressure on wood.. wood warps! The frictions of too much pressure was causing the paper to move and smear the ink.

And. And the professor had simply been telling her to put MORE PRESSURE on the wood as it goes through the press.

I asked her why she didn't try a baren (it's a tool that is used for printmaking to press down on the paper and get the ink off of lino-cuts) first if the print press isn't working and she said she's never used one. Ever. We hunt for a baren. She finds one, then states that she doesn't want to use it and wants to use the print press and I'm like. Okay, but you need to lessen the pressure on the press because your issue is a pressure issue. Too much pressure is causing friction between your paper and your lino-cut. It's also warping your board. She lessens the pressure and voila! It literally fixed her issue. After a bit of prompting as I'm talking to her I find out she's a grad student. Going for a Master's of Arts (different from a Master of Fine Arts). BUT!!!! Her Bachelor's of Fine Arts was concentrated in Digital Art. Which means she does not have the studio experience to problem solve her problem. I am frustrated at the professor for literally telling her to put more pressure on warped wood when it was clearly frustrating this girl. Who doesn't have studio experience and genuinely didn't know.

That's fucked up. What the fuck.

#this is also the teacher that made another friend of mine cry #this doesn't even. cover what happened at home after but whatever #loft chitters

[nasasluts]

seeing people be surprised about the jjk game saying

gojo -> geto: trust

geto -> gojo: hostile

is very confusing to me. this was so obvious are u srs….. their final conversation literally makes it dead obvious. geto believed gojo hated him for leaving so he hated him in return. they never spoke for real after geto’s defect. he had no idea gojo didn’t blame him. (hated is strong wording but he definitely had bad feelings)

“yeah, unlike you, i’m a kind person.”

“trust huh? i didn’t think you still felt any connection to me”

gojo never blamed geto for his defection. he blamed himself, it’s glaringly obvious throughout the series. in the way he decided to become a teacher to give the students youth instead of being solitary soldiers. building the world geto wants in his own way. proving to himself that there was another way to accomplish geto’s wishes.

gojo made the world geto longed for. he saw how the way things were run crushed geto and broke him. he changed it, tries to make it better everyday for future sorcerers. geto was so moved by this he began to cry. it upsets me that they will never be able to discuss this.

he won’t curse geto even at the end because he truly doesn’t resent him. [i have a theory that he did attempt to curse geto with love, seeing as he views love as a curse. geto in the end didn’t resent him enough to stay as a curse, gojo accepted, let go and he passed on.] (in brackets bc there is no real proof to this, only subtext.)

he still considers geto his best friend. that never changed for him. for geto he refers to gojo in past tense not present tense

geto -> gojo: “he was my best friend”

gojo -> geto: “my best friend did. my one and only”

i can’t add anymore photos but more panels i would use is geto declaring war

gojo -> geto: “leaving? not on my watch.”

geto -> gojo: “don’t try it” and summons his curses.

gojo also doesn’t mention he knows geto is involved until someone else brings it up (ijichi and then he tells yaga)

ijichi -> gojo: “somebody cast another curtain on top of mine. … i accept full responsibility for this”

gojo -> ijichi: “no the enemy is too strong”

ijichi -> gojo: “do you know who’s behind this?”

gojo -> ijichi: “…”

yaga -> gojo: “we still can’t confirm geto’s involvement. maybe you’re just being paranoid.”

gojo -> yaga: “sorry principal, but i’m sure about this. there’s no way i would mistake his residuals.”

unnecessarily long thread to prove how easily it is to see that geto was hostile while gojo held trust.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk thoughts #geto suguru #gojo satoru #jjk gojo #jjk geto #jjk satoru #jjk suguru #satoru suguru #geto gojo

[kayesfictioncharactershusbands]

Not So Close ( Blaise Zabini x Reader )

Summary: Everyone thought being in Hufflepuff means that all of you are soft and very sensitive. But, no. They are just thought of it due to the stereotype. And when Blaise Zabini saw that he was amazed.

House: Hufflepuff

Warning: cursing, students having cuts due to Umbridge's detention.

Y/B/N =Your Brothers Name

( gif is not mine )

Being in the Hufflepuff house means that everyone thought of you as just being nice and loyal. That all of you are just too soft. But they all thought wrong. And the only one who is proving that is, Y/N Y/L/N. A very tough Hufflepuff and is also a girl.

Y/N is very popular with the younger and older students in Hufflepuff tower. Everyone in the Hufflepuff just knows your brother - Y/B/N. And of course, you.

Him being one of the greatest Quidditch players along with Cedric Diggory. And you, for being the tough one. Your brother already graduated but was still hurt because he lost a friend.

You are now in your 6th year and hating the new teacher of the Defense Against The Dark Arts.

Y/N and her friends were talking while walking in the hallway when she heard someone crying. She stopped in her tracks. " What's wrong Y/N?" One of her friends asks her. Without talking she went to the student and saw another Hufflepuff student.

And it broke her because the student looked hurt. " What's wrong?" The student looked up and showed her and her friends the little girl's handwriting. She gasped.

She heard the rumor about how Umbridge's detention, but she never had experienced it. She only heard that Harry Potter also experience it.

" Oh darling, come along we are going to the Hospital wing," Y/N told her, as the little girl stood up from where she was sitting and Y/N's friend helping her.

She heard a laugh, and she then turn around, while holding her books she saw Draco Malfoy with his "friends" who gave her a smug look. " Oh look, a Hufflepuff being too nice to help a fellow Hufflepuff." Draco teases.

Y/N rolled her eyes. " Go on girls, I'll handle this one." Her friends look at her and just gave her a nod. They know Y/N can handle herself. Even though they are scared because she is facing Draco Malfoy.

" Yeah well, the little girl was hurt Malfoy. And I actually care for other people's feelings. Unlike others who just feel like being a little bitch who loves to torment others because they are part of Umbridge's little squad - oh what's called again? Oh right, Inquisitorial club." Y/N ranted to him.

She was about to walk out again but looked back at them. " And if you are going to insult Hufflepuff again, trust me I don't care if I would get a detention. I would always defend Hufflepuff's name."

That made Blasie smirk. " That was hot." Blaze said with amazement. Draco looked at him.

" Are you joking? That girl just insulted Inquisitorial Squad. Insulted professor Umbridge." And you're saying she's hot. Draco told him with annoyance.

"Yeah well, whatever. she's hot to me," Blaise told him. And walked away. He doesn't really care about that. That doesn't bother him at all.

-----------

After what happened Y/N should be scared because of what she told Draco Malfoy but she wasn't. Her brother already told her that if you think you are in a right, then don't deny it. Be brave about it.

" I still can't believe that she told Malfoy that." Ron Weasley said in amazement and ate his food again. Y/N is after all, very friendly that's why she is friends with the trio.

"I'm not surprised really, Y/N is just that kind of girl who wants to talk about what she wants is right." One of her closest friends in Hufflepuff also said with a proud tone.

Harry was also gonna comment but they heard a snicker. " She wasn't right at all. Insulting us or even the professor is not right. We should really remove a house point because of what she did." They heard Draco Malfoy say.

Without any hesitation, Y/N stood up while holding a pumpkin juice. Her friends looked at Y/N's face and they looked very scared - while Harry, Hermione, and Ron looked at her with curiosity.

They never really saw a Hufflepuff talk back to other students, well Harry and Ron didn't. Hermione saw Y/N.

" You are not so close to getting any house points to be removed from us Malfoy. We are not your enjoyment." Y/N told him but before Draco could answer, Blaise then answered her.

" We are not removing any house points from you or any of your friends," Blaise told her and that made all of them raise their eyebrows.

Y/N crossed her arms and raise her eyebrows. " And what would you do?" Y/N asks him.

" I want to ask you out on a date. This Hogsmeade weekend." Blaise confidently answered her with a smirk on his face. " Because you are not so close as being that stereotype Hufflepuff that I've heard."

The Weasley twins laughed with each other. Enjoying what they heard.

Y/N rolled her eyes, she looked over at her friends and all of them were shocked. While Y/N doesn't what to react. " What do you mean by the stereotype Hufflepuff?"

Blaise then looked at her properly with confidence. He doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of so many students. Especially since he really wants to take her out on a date.

" I meant that you're tough and can talk back toward Draco, that you can handle yourself. And also beautiful at that. So, would you want to be with me on that date?"

Y/N faced then went red when she heard that. She smiled at him.

" Sure. But we are not going to Madam Puddifoots." She answered him and turn around with her friends.

I mean she secretly thinks his cute.

#harry potter x reader #harry potter #harry potter masterlist #harry potter imagine #blaise zabini #Blaise Zabini x reader #blaise imagine

[bumblingbabooshka]

Tuvok says that Vulcan children are very well behaved and have a lot of emotional control by the time they’re ~elementary school aged which makes sense but also makes me want to see what a Vulcan toddler or kindergartener acts like since they can’t be reasoned with as well (can’t really meditate) + are babies and also brimming with near irrepressible violence/emotions.

Vulcan toddler is just quietly accompanying their parent along on an errand. They stop and point to a toy of some sort and ask politely if they can have it. Their parent explains that they have enough toys at home. The toddler immediately throws the tantrum of the century. Just turns into an absolute wild animal in their rage. Other Vulcans are just like “aaa I remember when my children were that age” but any aliens around are like “oh my god is that thing OK??” I imagine even older Vulcan children would have issues with emotional control given that they’re also children! Though they’d of course know they needed to control themselves and behave...sometimes you just slip up. Vulcan children are playing together harmoniously. Then one breaks the established rules of the game. “I made contact with your arm. You are now the chaser.” “You did not make contact with my arm. I dodged your attempt.” “You dodged unsuccessfully. I made contact with your arm.” “I did not.” “You are cheating.” “I believe you are the one cheating.” And an adult has to rush over as one pounces on the other and they both begin screaming and clawing at each other’s eyes. The rest of the children are watching with interest or perhaps grabbing implements to assist their friend.  Little lapses in emotional control would probably be common until they reached like....highschool age. I can imagine an eleven year old Vulcan hearing they can’t sleepover a friend’s home and immediately shattering a vase before apologizing and cleaning it up.  It also seems like bullying would be very prevalent on Vulcan. Spock is canonically bullied frequently and it seems natural that Violent, Extreme Emotions in teenagers would lead to that kind of behavior which isn’t outwardly unacceptable (like crying, laughing, etc) but still satisfies an illogical desire towards cruelty and establishing dominance.  Vulcans schools probably have so many ‘Bullying Is Illogical’ seminars that do nothing and everyone makes fun of behind their teacher’s backs. Two Vulcan teenagers bullying each other, trying to see who has the more emotional reaction. If you cry or get mad you lose. Only babies cry and get mad...seems pretty illogical(cringe).  Vulcans seem to be very focused on respectability so I’m sure that as bloodthirsty teens there would be a lot of accusations and rules...if you hang out with X then Z,H and Y won’t talk to you. If you apologize too soon then they might accuse you of behaving too emotionally and gossip about you...if you don’t apologize at all they might accuse you of behaving too emotionally and gossip about you. It’s very stressful. Tuvok also said when he was a teenager in that one flashback that he was ready to fight over the girl he had a crush on (saying he’d “issue a challenge” or something) so I’m implementing that into my personal understanding of Vulcans...like adults do NOT want these kids to fight but amongst other teens they’re like:  “Seynar is my boyfriend.” “I disagree. He sat next to me during meditation three times this week.” “Only because I was absent.” “Then he is fickle and will be mine soon enough.” And then they challenge one another to a secret duel after school. Dueling to the death is very cool and grownup v_v (teens rarely die from such duels though bc either the other teen stops or someone told an adult). It makes sense to me that teenagers with violent urges would fight one another in a way that they consider acceptably adult. (mimicking the marriage ritual thing or even pon farr...romantic and cool.) Imagine being a teen Vulcan and your crush starts hinting that they have another person who might be interested in them....hmmm.....and you know you’re gonna have to duel for them or lose em. Such is life. Vulcan teens seem like they’d either date a lot (emotional whims) very non seriously (because they’re all betrothed) or date not at all because they’re gonna get married to their betrothed anyway. Loving someone other than your fated match is probably a pretty big trope in Vulcan romance stories...or maybe the opposite? Like someone bad tries to steal your heart but you remain resolute and return to your fated match as is logical. Anyway all this to say that I think Vulcan children and emotional control is something that’s fun to think about. Especially regarding how Vulcan children would act around adults vs other children. Vulcan child to adult: I will do my best to get along with my sibling. (2 seconds later once mother has left)  Vulcan child: You may play with the red toy. If you play with the blue toy I will harm you. Bodily. Meanwhile their older sibling is rolling their eyes like ugh....threatening violence is for babies....now to prepare for my logical and very adult duel for the love of my life whom I have known for three months. v_v

#vulcans #my writing #this is just stream of consciousness thoughts though #I just think Vulcan children should behave differently than adults...brains not done cooking yet and mastery of emotions is not complete #vulcan children being almost entirely self interested until a certain age #at which point they become very outward-facing...trying to please others around them and be liked/respected by their peers..trying to fit in #and then as adults they're able to strike a balance between knowing oneself and being respected by others #Vulcan teen frantically trying to decide if it's more logical to obey their parents wishes that they not go out to a party #or to go to the party which T'Yana said EVERYONE was going to be at.... #since T'Pol says that Vulcans were (pre-reform) in factions I think that'd carry into their modern emotions... #is it more logical to be loyal to the familial 'faction' or the friendship one? #Meanwhile their baby sibling is screaming and banging their fists against the door because they WANNA! COME! IN! LET ! THEM! IN! (No.) #eeeeveryone thinks babysitting a Vulcan child will be SO easy until they threaten to rend your flesh from bone then set the house ablaze #because you wouldn't let them stay up five more minutes #star trek #I think Vulcans should be a little fucked up and wild but want that to NEVER EVER get out #I hope this makes sense v_v #how vulcan children act around peers vs adults vs alien adults etc should be different #hehe I also think as small children they'd just call anything they personally don't wanna do 'illogical' and their parents have to sigh and #teach them how to separate 'what is logical' from 'what I want to do'

[art-that-fucks-you-up-tournament]

Extra commentaries for "Untitled" (Portrait of Ross in L.A.)

a work that creates a metaphor for the loss of the artists partner by AIDS. There's a mass of candy equal to Ross at a healthy weight and gallery visitors are invited to take pieces of candy, dwindling the weight of the work to mirror Ross' drop in weight as his illness progressed. (cesiousblue)

I had to just kind of sit there trying to remember how to breathe for a few minutes after seeing it for the first time (courfeyracs-swordcane)

The themes of consumption in this work really get to me. It can be made by anyone, using the instructions of the artist, collecting a number of pieces of candy that weigh a total of 175 lbs, the weight of his partner who died that same year. This art hits me like a brick. (envelopedbyoblivion)

untitled (the one with the pile of candy) especially fucks me up bc of the extremely varied interpretations of it. my art history teacher told me that it represented someone spreading joy through ppls lives. a friend of mine said they viewed it as someone deteriorating due to aids-related complications. et cetera. either way it just feels so emotionally intense. (anonymous)

so this isn’t going to be articulated well especially since I’m not that familiar with conceptual art but I’m gonna try because I think it’s so incredible!!!! For a long time when I was younger I dismissed art like this and many pieces that fell under the modern art umbrella because I couldn’t really see the value in like, a dot on a piece of paper or what seemed like a random object placed in a room that someone decided was art for no particular reason. I never examined it and kinda dismissed it for being “low effort”, but this piece completely changed my mind and I was like holy shit I get it now! To elevate the seemingly ordinary, a pile of candy, into something so heartbreakingly meaningful, a portrait of his lover Ross who he lost to AIDS, is so meaningful! I feel like that’s so often what grief is, not the delicately crafted tributes that remind you of who you lost, but the ordinary objects that suddenly become imbued with so much meaning and sadness because they remind you of what’s been lost. It’s not to say that it’s not a delicately rendered portrait, because it is! But it’s like, not a portrait in the painting sense? It’s a snapshot of living with grief, without it it’s just a pile of candy, but when you carry that grief it becomes so much more. Another thing that I really like about this piece is that to me it’s less like a typical visual art piece and more like a song kinda? and as someone who was unfamiliar with conceptual art before seeing this, I think that’s so cool!? There is no “original” or one canvas that is The Art. If you place a pile of wrapped candies that weighs 175 pounds in a room, you now have “Untitled” (Portrait of Ross in L.A.). I realize a lot of conceptual art is like this, but this piece opened my eyes to that. I want to say more about the meaning of creating art that can persist anywhere when so many artists effected by HIV/AIDS were silenced or diminished, and how this piece also uses the audience in a really interesting way, but this is already way too long (sorry for rambling!). I really recommend reading up on this piece and it’s history. (anonymous)

A popular compliment/comment on art (at least in my tumblr circles) is 'i want to eat this art' and often it is illustrated or worded in a hedonistic tear into it wildly and animalistic eating way and thats great but this art is one I want to take one single 'bit', and let it savor on my tongue, put a hand on my stomach and think about how thankful i am to have gotten this bite. As a queer person its one of this installations i cant think about to long and not cry. I am young, too young to have lived through the AIDS crisis (as in the crisis of governments actively working against their people). Its an interactive piece of art and this kind of art always make me crazy the most (of course all art is interactive. the act of looking changes stuff already as we know from physics. looking and thinking about it is interacting) - you are invited to take one of the candy bits symbolising Ross. and on one hand that may sound horrifying to eat away a person who already had so much taken away, you take the part of the sickness of the government neglect. But as a queer person interacting i think about how matter never really goes away, things just transform. You take a piece. You eat it or share it with someone and you remember. You make him part of you. Queer community lost a lot because of AIDS but not all is lost, this work and others like the Quilt are remembrance, the galleries are stipulated to have the pile replenished - so Ross stays 'alive' and able to share bits of his history with people as long as the art work remains - and that makes me emotional (anonymous)

#art that fucks you up tournament #bonus content

[dairy-farmer]

Growing up I had a friend that non stop sucked her fingers, (like pointer and middle together) like ALL the time. She did it when she slept, watching TV, when we were playing games, in public, even sometime between bites of food. She also would just talk with her fingers in her mouth. Her family and friends just learnt to understand her humbled speech and could totally understand what she was saying.

When we were still young and we would be out in public together I’d see grownups that didn’t know her get angry and tell her to ‘take her fingers out of her mouth’ when speaking to them. She was very shy and would cry and get upset and I remembered defending her a lot as a kid even though she was a bit older then me.

I remember I got us matching baby pacifiers once for a sleepover and i used one too so we could match. We took them to a summer camp thing and would use them at night because we were sharing a tent. The next day she was sleepy and didn’t want to stop using it even after we got up and had to do our first activity of the day. So I took mine and used it to in solidarity because she was shy and didn’t want her to be insecure. Some older boys teased her and she would just put her head down and not say anything. I remember giving one of them a black eye and dumped a bottle of water on the other.

Her mum was very hippie/ alternative so never told her off for it even as she got older. Her mum also homeschooled her and her siblings. By the time she was about 14 or 15 she wanted to attend the public school.

I was still in primary school at the time and she was in highschool and I remember she got bullied and tease by the other kids and yelled at by the teachers. She was super shy and embarrassed by it so she actively tried to stop. She told her mum she wanted to stop but couldn’t, so her mum tried all these different methods to help her stop.

I remember for about a year her mum tried everything, putting chilli powder on her fingers, Tabasco sauce, fish sauce, black tar and other things that would taste bad if she went to put her fingers in her mouth. At one point they even tried taping her finger together or using látex gloves that taste bad. They all kind of worked a little bit it mostly just made her super tolerant to spicy food and she would pull faces at the gross tasting fingers and just suck on them till the taste went away.

We all actively tried to help her stop. Would gently pull her hand from her mouth when we noticed it or give her something else to suck on. Another time we tried taping her mouth shut while she slept.

It took ages but she stopped doing it in public I think she still sometimes does it in her sleep or if she’s really comfortable around people or cuddled up on the couch.

…. Anyway, just Timmy 🥺

His parents always just shoving a pacifier in his mouth to make him stop crying. Then not caring enough to make him stop when he’s older or not being around to tell him off.

your poor friend 🥺 i think its unfortunately common for comfort habits or compulsive actions to be misunderstood or relentlessly pressed out of people 😥.

sometimes there is no deeper meaning than someone just self soothing and in tim's case i think that he would've definitely developed the association of security and comfort with the pacifier. tim's parent conditioning him to form an attachment with a pacifier whether he realized it or not because they can't be bothered to comfort him so the only thing that comforted him was a pacifier that he continued using until he was a teen. there was a scene in this one brutim fic where tim has a fixation on having things in his mouth and sucking on them and in one scene bruce is investigating further and finds a note from tim's first grade teacher talking about how tim was bullied for having a pacifier and that he shouldn't be using one at his age. that conversation is taking place while bruce is essentially trying to convince dick to let tim suck on them because he needs it 🥺. for tim i think it would play out similarly because its the one thing he can depend on for comfort!!

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

[exit-path]

Tumblr Post Compilation: A Masterpost

First of all, let me tell you what you're about to see.

This is a list of 118 "funny tumblr posts" taken from YouTube compilations in 2016. I tracked down all these posts on tumblr myself in Nov 2021. The post is broken up into two parts, and is available under the cut. Each of the links is named after a snippet from the actual post (effectively the "punchline"), and clicking on it brings up the full post, which you can reblog and interact with.

These posts are nostalgic to me because I watched these YouTube compilations before I came to tumblr. I recommend you scroll through these posts, as they bring up a form of humor that's rarely seen today which, I think, has almost been lost to time. Also, if you want to learn how to do this, there's some insight as to how I did this at the end of the post.

(This masterpost is a revision of this post, necessitated because the hyperlinks don't work anymore.)

1. outrageously angry man returning a lawnmower and it was our dad

2. Italian exchange student said “Look, the compressed horse.”

3. “im eminem!” “and I’m skittles?”

4. I JUST MISTOOK ANOTHER STUDENT FOR A TRASH CAN

5. he ate the reeses cup then stabbed himself with the epipen

6. “GODDAMMIT, MR. NOODLE.”

7. school on lockdown because someone put weed in the vents

8. Can’t cheat with those big ass galaxy phones

9. weirdly self-conscious about wiper blade speed

10. My brother told me not to slam the door and yell “Guess who’s home, motherfuckers”

11. drove by traffic camera 6 times thinking it was funny

12. drill sergeant made kid carry around potted plant to replace the oxygen he wasted

13. A list of things that do not offend people:

14. kid grabbed seagull out of air, all his friends were like “again tyrone?? really??”

15. “LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS”

16. drunk man proposes to tree, gets rejected

17. “i’m on my way, the traffic is just slow, i’m coming” “mom i called the house phone”

18. a kid’s phone started siri, TEACHER STARTED EXPLAINING IT AGAIN

19. “watch my stuff” what if someone comes and actually tries to steal it

20. our goats think that now whenever they pee they get a treat

21. “it’s for your own good”, mom deleted the internet explorer icon from my desktop

22. a girl called me a lying slut because I was with her bf a lot. we’re siblings

23. I watched an old couple set off their car alarm and drive away… now that i think about it-

24. Rules to learning English: their our know rules

25. a kid got expelled for pretending to be russian for 8 months

26. a girl said she had two moms and a boy started crying, he said it wasn’t fair she had two

27. when a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she hasn’t spotted you in the tree yet

28. my mom is telling me “get a good job” but my heart is telling me “marry rich”

29. my parents split after they made me. i am a volcano. follow for more geological humour

30. I’m saying “excuse me” but I really mean “why the fu-”

31. nun goes “I’m allowed to look at the menu I just can’t order”

32. Hospitals are so weird

33. handed their BLIND SON a menu and he’s like “ah… thank you… I’ll just… read this”

34. on April Fool’s his mom called to say she was in labour, dad laughed and hung up on her

35. “why do I fear bears? because Chester Zoo is 30 miles away and bears can smell fear”

36. dropped her ipad but held tight to her pizza

37. her parents faked a british accent in front of her until she was 7

38. really religious girl who told people off if they swore, gets sworn at

39. he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

40. so i was the official shia labeouf myspace but i was in fact a 12 yr old canadian kid

41. subway thief told suitcase has “a bunch of laptops” ends up stealing a dead dog

42. “I guess working in fast food just wasn’t my cup of tea”

43. I waited until the professor handed back the papers and angrily asked where mine was

44. so i started trying to kill classmates with my mind

45. my favorite thing is ask 14/15 year old kids on dates if they want a kids menu

46. I blacked out in Disney World, woke up with Mickey Mouse putting a cold towel on me

47. “wanna date me? yes: smile no: backflip” and she did a backflip

48. “do you wanna kiss” “excuse me” he pulled out a bag of hershey’s kisses

49. when beyoncé asked all the single ladies to put their hands up I looked at my bf and

50. 7th grade, his world of warcraft friends threw him a virtual birthday party

51. “she’s the bro and y’all bitches are the hoes”

#exit talks #tumblr culture

[master-k0hga]

| K A D A N |

[ Category: Misc OCs ]

| So this is Kadan, he's like a young (like 17, turning 18 if I remember?? Idk..) lil lad who has a major crush on the neighbour's son who's like... Just turned 20 or something Idk I don't exactly remember, the kid's only young so he'll grow out of that weird phase... Unless it's actually full on obsession then no he might end up worse than that, he gets rather jealous easily and loves hanging out with the son (who I shall name another day when I make his ref cuz he actually used to be a sona of mine) so the possibility of him gettin' real obsessed and creepy seems very HIIiiigh...?

But oh well we'll see!! Other than that he's sweet, adorable and very active just in general! Loves playing and also being a menace to his own parents and street he lives at.... All the adults think it's adorable though so we'll see about that..

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

INFO

Name: Kadan Species: Human General Personality: Jealous, caring, upbeat, silly, is a cry baby, creative, energetic Height: 4ft "3" Relationship Status: Single

Extra Info:

He's on very close terms with a lot of people in the neighbourhood, has loads of friends and overall; NOT popular, but just very tolerable and nice to call a friend

His obsession with the neighbour's kid was very unknown and very sudden, so even though his parents see it as just like innocent and adorable little fascination/idolization at the moment; It might start seeming weird if he were to still act like this in his adult years

Goes to a local cooking club with his friends and other locals where they would bake all kinds of sweet treats, pastries and so on; He tends to go for an hour or two after school unless he were to be sick; It's something he enjoys and thinks about opening up a bakery one day

He's very sensitive, so he will cry if someone raises their voice at him, it was only once in school but he got yelled at by a teacher for yelling too loud because of asshole older kids influencing him; Not to worry though, the kids got their fill after the teacher hears him out

Arts and crafts are his favourite, and the guy he likes also loves music; So he would enjoy working on covers and such to advertise one day. He only dreams in the meantime as the neighbour's son doesn't seem to wanna take it up as a profession yet

His nickname is literally "Kid", and that's what the son usually refers to him as when they hang out together; The relationship is like "super awesome babysitter" and "super clingy but adorable" kid. On the outer perspective anyways, not sure about what Kadan sees it as of course

Very much an attention seeker and loves getting all the attention from others, especially when it's from what he's made or baked by the other adults, even better when they either hang up the things he's crafted or tried AND enjoyed the baked goods he makes; Which is to be expected because A) His baking experience is not to be underestimated, and B) He takes massive pride in the things he does and manages to accomplish

Has quite the sweet tooth, so of course him enjoy baking will be something he does quite a lot

Doodles from time to time, mostly loves doodling and inking tattoo designs of what he would want to get one day. That is if his parents would allow him to of course is another question

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

And that's it for this little bundle of sunshine and madness, there'll obviously be plenty more to post and hopefully I'll actually either finish or get on with... So if you are not of that (to which no shit sherlock) then unfollow me, I would like to post more fan art at some point but ngl I don't have much for that sort of art right now... Or maybe never tbh, all my FCs will be put into their own thing once I get to them, the fan art or AUs and ideas and stuff I had are being scrapped from now on... And overall I have no reason to be a fandom artist when that doesn't get anything along with my personal and OC works..

So I don't know, nor do I really care anymore.. This will all probably be like a month or so since I've posted anything.. Not like I have a schedule or a "need" to keep posting all the time anyways...

..

Whatever!

. Kadan, Art © Me . DON’T RE-POST .

#MASTER-K0HGA #Ary / Kohga Chronicles #Ary / Kohga OCs and Works #Kadan #OC #Male #Fandomless #Misc OCs #My OC #My Art #My Character #Original Character #Re-post #My art re-posted #Not much else to tag for these anymore tbh.. #I'mean the basics are all there #The OC cateogry.. The basic about them.. The usual rambling about said OC or whateveer #Like what else is there to talk about in the tags? They're not of fandoms they're all my own things #.... #So it's pointless really in the end #Especially when most seem to just look up to the ref and either #Like the post and that's it or see it's an OC ref and ignore/look over it #Especially if I posted some fan art after or before the ref... #Well... #If the fan art actually gets notes.. #Nobody is ever interested to talk about or wanna get to know more about my OCs and ideas #Even if they say they do. Idk why people just lie to me all the time #Like just say you don't actually like what I draw and post then unfollow/block me #Randos do it all the time even if I haven't done anything- Rather just be told nobody wants me around #Than have people follow me out of pity and/ or just to stalk me cuz of personal beef or whatever

[winderlylandchime]

15 QUESTIONS, 15 (or whatever) TAGS

tagged by @lostcol ily bb

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYBODY?

Nope. Family lore is that my mom and dad went through a baby name book and my mom circled all the names she liked in red and my dad circled all the names he liked in blue and mine was the only one with two circles. My first middle name is the name my mom wanted to give her sister when my aunt was born. And my second middle name is my mom’s maiden name.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

When my spouse and I were on vacation abroad and our flight home had been cancelled and we got scammed trying to get another flight and had to cancel our credit card and still find a way home. I very rarely cry (except when watching stupid things on tv) but I sobbed I was so stressed out. And on my period. Which y’know made traveling home super fun.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Childless by choice (I love being an auntie to my nieces and friends’ kids though!) (I hate that I worry people will assume I hate kids because I’m a woman who didn’t want them!)

4. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

No, never. 😉

5. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I played basketball for one memorable season in elementary school. I ran cross country for one memorable season in high school because it exempted me from gym class (joke was entirely on me when I realized being on the track team meant actually exercising more than going to gym class. And I used to be a (very very slow) runner (a whole slew of half marathons, 5 and 10ks, and exactly 1 marathon). My body doesn’t work like that anyone. But I miss it.

6. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE?

Their smile. What they’re wearing.

7. EYE COLOUR?

Blue like my mama.

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

I don’t do scary. I definitely prefer happy endings…but a good story is a good story.

9. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?

I have a freakishly good memory for personal details. Like I will pretend to have never heard something about someone before to avoid freaking them out. It does come in handy at work though!

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

New York, New York baby!

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Reading, writing, watching drag (on tv or live), going to concerts

12. DO YOU HAVE PETS?

2 dogs, 2 cats

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5’9” yes I can grab that for you

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

In HS: AP US History and Latin (because my teachers for each were incredible - shout out to Ms Favretti and Dr Polsky!)

In college: Fairy Tales, Abnormal Psych, Mythic Imagination, and that seminar where I got to read Timothy Leary’s research

In grad school: Psychopathology I & II and Social Bases for Behavior

15. DREAM JOB?

I do not dream of labor. But if I must work for a living, I literally have it. When I went to grad school my hope was to be part of a group private practice and voila! I am clinical director of an awesome practice with incredibly talented folks. And my hours permit me to also do some consulting work with CMSC which is also a dream.

no pressure tagging: @flowerswehadgrowntogether @bartbarthelme @sheisraging @headbandsandflats @provenance

#tag games #lostcol

[envieluvvicixe]

energy leeching(probably not in the way you think), social anhedonia with lack of interest, neurodivergent way of living with social people who are also neurodivergent and your friends. it's a long post btw.

i'm possibly being seen as a bad friend, but i know most of my friends that i've known and have put in the effort of being my friend know i ultimately care about them but they also know i lack certain things and i'm still very much learning. most if not all my friends are also neurodivergent and we share some experiences, however social anhedonia sometimes feels like an experience i've been going through completely alone and how it affects me and possibly the people around me. it affects me most of the time during free time and sometimes in school, of course in school in the way of working in pairs or group projects and i often opt out on doing things by myself if there is not someone i have already clicked and tolerate enough to ask to work in pair with me and after the first time i kind of assume that hey they're alright with working in a pair so i don't have to ask again and to this time it's been so.

mm.. messages are a struggle but that's a shared experience with lots of neurodivergent people, even with some neurotypicals. but to me it's a struggle with continuing after mustering it up to message the person bc i know they're waiting for an answer but some times ive done it on purpose so i can just hear the validation of "yeah it's alright i undertsand", "dw about it" and more to that kind. although this feels like i'm using the person to feel validated on a struggle sometimes, but it feels justified because most of the time i do literally forget i've messaged someone and already gotten an anser back or i've fallen asleep and woken up never remembing to check my phone again before it's been well over eight hours. it just sometimes starts to feel like a chore or something alike, especially when i'm doing it during my free time like it's not mandatory and i would so much just rather keep away. i'm not personally interested in hanging out with my friends out of school, it's just not something i properly enjoy.

not to talk about it feeling like it doens't matter at all, they know i'm their friend still, they know i care. at least i hope they do, because i truly do, i just find it meaningless to say so because my way of caring is not in the words. i do things to show i care instead. sometimes it strikes me so odd when i'm forced into a discussion or just plain old convo when my friend spots me on a hallway or the road when both of us are going home bc school ended or going to school bc it's about to start. my friend, the social introvert that i've been talking about who basically adopted me and taught me about boundaries has a way of showing her care by words.

Especially on words of affermition. and it sometimes strikes me a bit odd, because i've never really enjoyed getting praised on something that i see as meaningless everyday thing. Exception is, when it's from the people that i actually search that praise from exclusively giving me praise on something i'm actually very passionate about such as drawing, but turn an event negative and any praise that comes afterwards will feel disgusting and pointless to give(happened during ninth grade class when i had a hard time sewing something and started crying because i failed so many times that i literally felt worthless in a deep level of failing on it and my teacher tried to praise me on little things afterwards during that class and i literally felt like asking her to stop because now it made me so deeply uncomfortable.).

on another experience of mine with this social butterfly friend is that she tends to yank me into convos weither i want to be in them or not. and the thing is i often think i show emotions on my face, when in truth i just stare at people in complete deadpan or with very very little almost unnoticable amount of emotion that they don't register to be there. so most of the time whether i am with her or someone else i will stand there with a deadpan expression and merely nod or hum bc i most of the time don't actually feel like speaking is important as long as my opinion isn't asked or there is no question in the sentence. Although being honest with you i do sometimes (feel like i) miss the question que and i have to ask them straight up if there is a question somewhere or if it was a legit question they were asking me and not a story they were reciting that had a rhetorical question.

i tend to avoid some of friends sometimes, and even the social butterfly that is my friend. since the social butterfly will literally pull me out to talk to me during end or start even just during school because she feels like it i kind of have no choice but to engage with them(although this person is very literal with boundaries and so, often asking if it's alright to come with you or if you want to be alone if you say you want to or will go out to get some air, she literally wouldn't even get mad at you for saying that you weren't currently interested in a convo bc of being tired lol). but i benefit of convo personally alot bc of her being very high energy so i don't mind because i often tend to leech off of that interaction because it makes a positive mark on my own energy. (as in i leech from her energy so ill be more energetic without making it a problem, it's subtle i don't think she realize it since they never avoid me lmao)

but this is not the whole case with my other friend that i see around school, he's i'd say more of a medium energy and i don't benefit much from speaking with him energy vice so i don't feel like speaking or interacting with him other than just either nodding a hi to him and walking past him after that because i'm not interested in talking to him. an exception is made if he starts the convo himself or the social butterfly is there with us, that's one of the only times i see mysef speaking with him in a full convo. (i speak more with him when it comes to words because we share some interests in marvel, spiderverse and ninjago to mention few that get us going in full on theorize this, headcanon that etc. unlike with the social butterfly if we aren't gushing about one of my classmate that ive got a possiböe aesthetic crush on, or gossiping about few of them bc some of them are old classmates of her and she wants to know if we're getting along etc or some shared interests in rpg and such.) i also tend to avoid people in school just because i'm never interested in talking to them at all, and even if i am i struggle to keep up with it before it goes away completely. i will literally just sit on my seat and stare at the wall ahead of me with the same never changing deadpan that warrants some glances from my teacher. apparently to my art teacher i seems solemn in expression while i have a resting bitch face when i'm completely neutral/deadpan looking lol.

is this shitty thing to do? yeah. do i care? no, not really.

oh also if you got to the end, i- congrats. literally this is a long ass post lol, you must have been bored af to read this.

#long post #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #social anhedonia #anhedonia #past trauma #self reflection #self awareness #text heavy #. brain directory #possibly szpd #szpd #there is a high possibility of me being szpd because of my collective childhood trauma so i'll tag it

[kuixotic]

tagged by @currentlycryingaboutlancelot for this!

Rules: answer the questions and tag fifteen mutuals

1. Are you named after anyone?

Technically yes, it’s more accurate that I inherited the first letter of my name from my abuela-but my name came from a perfume I think-

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhhhhhh- (has lost the ability to cry and can’t recall when the last time was)

3. Do you have kids?

Does my dog count-

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Oh I breathe it, whenever I enter voice chats I’m already at everyone’s throats it’s so funny. I just...yeah

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Hmmmmm, I guess the way they interact? How they hold themselves and greet someone or acknowledge another person 

6. What’s your eye colour?

Once green now brown

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Thanks to a buddy of mine I’ve been enjoying classic slasher movies as of recent, but I think I enjoy my happy endings c: especially ones that come after a storyline of absolute hardships and completely dismal conditions-coming out fine in the end just Does Things to me

8. Any special talents?

Uhhhh, I can usually identify instruments in tracks really quickly especially if they’re considered a niche instrument. Does worldbuilding also count? Because apparently I give very good and useful ideas to friends on the fly when they need me to act as a rubber duck for their projects

9. Where were you born?

The North ™

10. What are your hobbies?

Art! And listening to music. Does making character playlists count? I don’t do that TOO too much but I like adding stuff to ones I already have. Just general thinking and worldbuilding in my head is a favorite pastime too

11. Have you any pets?

My dog! My little ol man Milo c:

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I’m counting marching band as a sport here-in which I did 4 years/all of high school in the drumline, being drum captain/section leader for junior and senior years

13. How tall are you?

I... am 5′0 😔

14. Favorite subject in school?

I really enjoyed music for obvious reasons, but my physics teacher in high school made his class fun c: I also greatly enjoy astronomy and anthropology, as well as humanities 

15. Dream job?

My MOST ideal would’ve been a music teacher, something the likes of charity work in teaching music to disenfranchised youth. Ethnomusicology is right up there too since it would combine my love of music with anthropology. While I can’t do that now(because music school terrifies me and I am VERY rusty as I haven’t played music seriously in over 6 years), history is my next passion. I (finally) got my associates so now it’s time to move on up and get a degree in Latin American and/or Caribbean history, maybe doing something like being a historical consultant for things in the arts-or just in general honestly 

iiiiii,,,, don’t think i have 15 people who i dont know super well SO anyone can take this tag meme off their hands wheeee-

#god i miss these old school tag games #throwback to the 2011 days of tumblr i swear

[crystalsandbubbletea]

My trauma (Technically a vent post)

CW: Death threats, suicide mention, possible sexism, stalking, war, Islamophobia, racism, body shaming, kidnapping threat, Christianity, swearing, ableism, death

Never thought I would be making a post about my trauma yet here we are. I decided that I would divide this into parts.

My bully

I would say that it started around kindergarten, but according to my mom that doesn't count because I apparently lied about being bullied when I knew that I was being bullied, yet she didn't believe me because that bully was nice to her, so that meant he was an angel.

Instead, I'll just say it started around second grade.

In second grade, there was this new kid who moved, he wasn't in my class but we had a lunch and a recess together. I don't know why, but he decided to pick on me, he would constantly call me names. I dismissed it and thought that it wouldn't get worse.

I was wrong.

In third grade, he called me "Stupid and ugly" and even said that he bet I wasn't even related to my parents and that they only adopted me out of pity, and even said that he couldn't believe God allowed someone as ugly as me to live. I ended up crying to my parents about it and that's when they knew that this wasn't a normal case of bullying.

I should also mention that he would frequently stalk me at recess, and I would have to spend the entire recess hiding from him. I did have those few fortunate moments where he didn't seem to find me so I was able to enjoy my recess.

Things got even worse in fifth grade. He threatened to kidnap me, tie me up, throw me in the back of a car, then drive the both of us off a cliff.

I'm just glad he never knew about Enaya, I just know that he would have been terrible to her as well. Or maybe he did know about Enaya and I didn't know.

At some point he ended up going after another one of my friends and said "If you don't go on a date with me, I'll call the police!" And my friend responded with "They'll just arrest you, you creep."

Yeah, she didn't take shit from anyone, and I kinda wish that I could have been like her.

At some point, I was at a museum with my parents and siblings, and this museum had a planetarium, and I was hyped about it

Except guess who was there?

That goddamn blonde bastard, my bully.

He was being creepy to me the entire show, and I started crying at some point. I think at some point one of my siblings snapped at him and told him to leave me alone and that he just had a sad life, he just laughed in response and insulted them.

After the show ended, I told my parents that I didn't want to stay, and they understood, so we, along with my siblings, went home.

Note: Bully's parents saw what he was doing and enabled it, they said "Oh he just had ADHD" and "He just likes you! Just love him back!"

My parents and my fifth grade teacher (Note: This isn't very important but my mom and fifth grade teacher went to the same highschool together and had the same graduating class together, they were also good friends) did everything they could to make sure that I wouldn't get any middle school classes with him, except that backfired.

It wasn't just one class, nope, it was all of my classes. The principal knew how bad he was to me, and still decided that he would have the same classes I have.

My parents and fifth grade teacher bombarded the principal with a shit ton of emails, until the principal finally decided I would be the one getting a schedule change.

The reason? "[They] have ADHD and Autism, [they] would be too much for those teachers anyways."

Fortunately my sixth grade year wouldn't be as bad as elementary school, as the bully would move to another city. He was a different school system's problem now, so I ended up thinking that my middle school year would be great.

How wrong was I.

Enaya

I made a few posts about Enaya, even made a eulogy post once.

Anyways, Enaya was a very good friend of mine, she was Palestinian-American and the first Muslim friend I had. I remember seeing her around school and wanting to talk to her but really didn't until around either fourth or fifth grade during one of those fortunate recesses where my bully didn't stalk me.

It was that conversation between us that our friendship started.

She would tell me about Palestine, and Palestinians culture, and it interested me, but it also exposed me to how shitty the world was to Palestinians and Muslims.

I'm ashamed to admit it took me until sixth grade to realize that she was being bullied for being Muslim and Palestinian.

People called her a "Terrorist" and accused her of plotting another 9/11, they would even try to pull off her hijab.

Oh, and how could I forget? Those dumb fuckin' white girls who acted like they were feminists.

They said that she didn't have to wear her hijab at school, after all her father couldn't harass her for it, so she should just take it off. To say it made her uncomfortable would be an understatement.

I remember refusing to just watch those people harass her for her ethnicity and religion, and how I was told to "Piss off!" because it wasn't any of my business.

Fuck those guys, that was my friend, a friend that I now know that I loved as a sister, that they were harassing.

I remember her telling me that she had dreams of a free Palestine, and even said that maybe one day we could run through the cities of Palestine, or maybe even have Jaffa oranges.

To say I wanted that would be another understatement, I loved that dream, and needed it to become a reality.

I also remember that Enaya constantly talked about wanting to help people when she got older, and I told her that she would, and that I would also always be there to support her and that we would always be together forever.

I was wrong. Nothing lasts forever.

I was twelve, and it was after summer and the first day of school. I remember eagerly looking around for Enaya, as I wanted to know if we had classes together.

Instead her brother Soroush approached me.

That's when I found out that Enaya had killed herself.

He told me that there was a note left for me in her suicide note, and she had written "[Rian], I want you to know that there wasn't anything you could have done, and that I was very happy to know you, you were a great friend and I'm glad that you decided to talk to me that day. Please don't blame yourself, please continue to live and be happy not just for me, but for yourself as well."

How could I have not blamed myself? I felt, and still feel like, that if I had just been there more for her, if I had just fought harder for her, then maybe, just maybe, she would still be here.

I also felt bad for her family, her parents and brother were angels, and I can't imagine the hurt and pain they were going through because of Enaya's suicide.

I ended up trying to suppress her memory, acted like she didn't exist.

Until last year around November. That's when I realized that I hadn't forgotten her, after all, who did I base (one of) Alex's sister(s) off of? And who did I name that sister after? And what about her personality? And why did I ask her family if they would be fine with me basing a character off of Enaya?

And how else did I get my Prolonged Grief Condition and PTSD from? After all I was twelve.

Or maybe she was half of the reason, and the other half was my girlfriend.

Alina

I only recently talked about her, I didn't mention her name.

Alina was my girlfriend all the way in Ukraine. Her and I met on TikTok when we were both fourteen. We at first talked over DM's before deciding to give each other our Discords. And soon we were talking way more, even calling each other sometimes.

One day though, one of us confessed. I don't remember if it was her who confessed or if it was me. But I do remember that we were both very happy.

I remember that I would tell her about Ponca culture, and that she would tell me about Ukrainian culture, we even taught each other some words.

I also remember at some point we swore we would meet up when we were both eighteen in Seattle. I don't know why we picked Seattle, was it because we thought it would be romantic to run through the streets? Who knows..

Happiness doesn't last forever though.

February 24, 2022. I wake up in the middle of the night due to my phone buzzing from messages, and I saw that Alina wanted to talk to me. Not wanting to wake up my brother, I took my phone and walked into my bathroom. I asked Alina what was up, and she asked if she could call me. I said yes even though I was tired and had school in the morning.

That's when Alina told me that Russia had invaded.

I remember constantly praying to my gods and goddesses to spare Alina and her family. I was praying to my goddess of fate more though, after all, she had already taken Enaya from me, I didn't want to lose Alina as well.

Cue January 1, 2023, I ended up getting a call from one of our mutual friends, Faddei was his name. Faddei informed me that Alina and her parents were killed.

I don't remember much, but I remember that I was home alone, and that I hung up before dropping my phone and screaming and crying. I didn't tell my parents about what happened.

All those plan, gone...

I still haven't recovered from Alina, my first love..

... I wish I could post more, but I'm crying now..

Dammit, why do I still cry for those who are already dead..

#vent #vent post #crystals vents #crystal vents #bubble tea vents #bubble vents #tea vents #rian vents #mint vents #rain vents #cw death threats #cw suicide mention #cw possible sexism #cw stalking #cw war #cw islamophobia #cw racism #cw body shaming #cw kidnapping threat #cw christianity #cw swearing #cw ableism #cw death #trauma #post traumatic stress disorder #ptsd #prolonged grief condition #pgc

[leatraspecalingo]

People are messy, but they're also beautiful.

My friend Akay sent me a message days ago, telling me she was crying over The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. One time when we were at a friend's house, she tells me about this film she loves. She says it was recommended to her by their Philosophy teacher in college.

Another friend of mine is named Sheryl and she's ahead of me by ten years. When she was in elementary, her Dad, who is now in heaven, bought her a red dress and she hated it coz she had brown skin. She recounts that Dad-moment while laughing so hard. Grief is quite weird.

My youngest sister and I recently bumped into this man who sold CDs and DVDs when they were still a thing. Good guy tells me that my sister used to buy a lot of K-drama collections from him at the old public market. It used to be a nice place before certain renovations were made. There was also a man there who sold preloved books. Who knows where he is now - I hope he still reads.

Arkin was jittery on the day of their interview for Science Class. When it was over, he tells me that he was asked to speak about topics he's interested in. He mentioned planets, volcanoes, and lastly, black holes. He said objects that fall into a black hole get "spaghettified." We saw a shop that sells cheap figurines and he picked Gojo from Jujutsu Kaisen.

Ocho thoroughly enjoys Manga Mutiny, it's a retelling of the Bible in Japanese Manga style. He reads it quietly but he would occasionally give remarks like, "How did Joseph recognize his brothers after so many years?" He says he wants to rewatch Joseph The Dreamer.

I might extend this list.

[jeaniethewallflower]

3/22/24 - Goodnight Friend (TW: Suicide)

My friend is dead. Dying didn’t end our friendship, I really don’t know what did. I always blamed them, naturally. We stopped being friends in the eighth grade so it could have been anything. Middle school is a warzone; you lose comrades along the way, but I took this loss personally.

They were my first friend post-Catholic school. I had heard about them at my best friend's birthday party the summer before my transfer. Their friend/neighbor was there and while we sat on the top bunk of a log-based bunk bed looking through the hotel Bible for money (we had heard a rumor- sadly there was no cash, only verses and the occasional note) she looked up to me and told me that her friend was in my grade. I held onto that information like it was vital; my only key to making any friends.

It was in art class that I found them. They were at the table next to mine, the teacher did the attendance and I heard the name. Almost immediately after I slid over to that table and said, a little too loudly, “Are you Natalia’s friend?!” They were so embarrassed but they nodded. They were drawing on their folder (something anime, probably Attack on Titan) and that was so cool to me.

They were probably my best friend in sixth grade. I’ve never thought of it that way until now. We were both sick, life isn’t… wasn’t easy for us past and present. I now know that I’m bipolar, something that would’ve been nice to know when my friend and I clung to each other crying in Mrs. Ngs's classroom. We didn’t make it easy on ourselves though. God, every lunch hour like clockwork my friend would play Car Radio by the Twenty-One Pilots and have everyone sing along, I often sat out.

There was one night, I think it was for their birthday but I could be wrong. No, it was definitely for their birthday because two others were there, it was my first time meeting them but they were also close friends of mine in middle school. We met through this Friend. The night ended with just me and My Friend and at some point they suggested we sleep on the floor and cuddle. I didn’t know what I was doing, I had just turned thirteen, I threw an arm over them, and after a moment of palpable silence, they said, “Myles, dude… you just totally touched my nipple”. For some reason, that night reminds me of pandas.

There was another birthday sleepover, this time my now-best friend was there too. That one was questionable. I don’t remember why. Around this time My Friend started to make bad decisions. Adding random people on Snapchat and meeting up with them, hanging out with sketchy older kids, dating a sophomore. This was in seventh grade, I think this is when things started to end in our friendship. I started to disagree with them, I’d be the only one. We’d fight constantly but we always made up at the end of the day. Seventh grade was fine for us. We were in most classes together and we were in two clubs. We even both applied for an academic achievement school with the other two. I was the only one who didn’t get in.

I stopped getting invited to things that summer. Eighth grade is a blur. I mean I can see it and recall parts of it but it's not a picture. It’s like looking at an impressionist painting. I wasn’t ok. It was the lowest point in my life rivaled only by now. I think part of me blamed My Friend at the time. Petty resentment. The other two tried to play both sides but eventually, we fell off too. Two years straight is still the longest I’ve kept a group of friends in my life. But as those years keep fleeting away I don’t know how much of that I can hold onto without it seeming pathetic. I gave My Friend a bracelet. A stupid beaded thing that said “MEGAN” in big letters. We followed each other on some social media a couple of years back and every so often they would send me a picture of them wearing the bracelet.

The last time I saw them was on their birthday. I was with my best friend and they were with their boyfriend. It was our first time seeing each other face-to-face since we were kids. We still were kids. We stood, staring at each other like deer in headlights. Like it was only us in that entire target for thirty seconds. Then they raised their arm, pointed, and said, “I’m still wearing it” I laughed,

“Holy shit man! You weren’t kidding”

“It’s my birthday”

“Happy birthday” We stood, across the Target. The isles turned to fields. Foggy grassy knolls. It was beautiful. Then I waved and walked away, just like that. Reader, sweet Vouyer of mine, all I wish, all I want is to have hugged them. Something about them being dead has made me crave contact. Maybe it's my brain not connecting the dots, saying “No, no, they aren’t gone. Touch them. They’re there.”

Some sick part of me wonders if they wore the Megan bracelet when they did it. If they killed a piece of me with them. A sicker part of me wants that to be the case. I don’t know if I would feel better if I hadn’t seen them last month. I’m glad I did. I’m glad I got to see them grown up, even if it was just to nineteen.

Friend, I’m sorry you felt the need to leave us so soon. I know you are not alone in exploring life's greatest question and if you can somehow hear me, see me, feel me, I want to thank you. Thank you for helping me adapt from my quiet Catholic upbringing to the chaos that is the American Public School System. I want to thank you for introducing me to shitty fanfiction porn in poor, poor Mr. Greene's classroom. I want to thank you for the best fucking muffin I have ever eaten the morning after our first sleepover. I want to thank you for everything I could never thank you for while you were alive. You were beautiful, determined, kind, smart, an activist, and such a picky eater. Your funeral invitation said that your favorite pizza and cake would be served and I just want to let you know that I am not grateful for the cheese pizza and yellow cake I am about to eat. I feel selfish mourning your loss, you weren’t mine to lose. Friend, you were a gift to the world and will forever continue to be. For me, you’re going to be in every Golden Retriever, every Suicide Awareness post, and every woman named Meghan. I love you, rest well.

#journal #tw sui talk #tw death #bipolor #grief #tw greif

[heyitsjooooanne]

Wow.

Twenty-two years have gone by so quick.

I don't usually talk about this day (other than deep discussions with my mom), but here's what I have to say about it.

The day started off like any other day.

Except this time it was different.

At the time, I was ten years old, and only a few months into fifth grade. I attended a school in California that unfortunately only had one month of summer vacation.

Anyway, my sister, who was almost sixteen at the time, was getting ready for her school at 6 AM the way she usually did. Hair, makeup, the works. She always had the radio on when she did this, probably to avoid the monotony, and I think younger me was woken up by either her, or the radio host. KIISFM? That was her usual station, but I don't remember if she was listening to it that morning. I just vaguely remember getting up a little earlier than usual that day.

So fast-forward to me in school.

I don't remember much about that day, but I definitely know that younger me was not aware of the…intensity of the situation. Looking back, I think the atmosphere was a little off, but I had no way of understanding it at that time.

I don't remember anything else about school that day, but my dad picked me up the way he always did.

Recently, a friend of mine who attended another school in the same area told me that they all got off early in her school.

Was I let out early?

I can't remember.

So my dad picked me up, and he had the radio on. He had a station that played audio of people panicking and screaming. Today, that sound would be tragic for me to listen to, but at the time, I just heard people making funny and silly noises. Like the whiny sound a child would make before crying.

Anyway, we made it home, and the TV in our living room was just an image of the towers standing there, burning. I didn't stay there for long though, and went into my room. I don't remember what I watched on TV though, and the rest of the day was a blur. I think I remember hearing about the "no planes" rule from somewhere and trying to either notice the difference the silence made, or waiting for them to show up again.

Also, odd little detail, but my mom recently told me that she slept over at work that day. Something that younger me had never even noticed!

Anyway, my brain immediately moved on from the event after that.

I barely thought about it again until after I turned twenty.

This must've been some time in the 2010s, but I just remember hearing about documentaries being released on the anniversary and actually wanting to watch them.

Now, keep in mind, I had watched documentaries about other events before, so this was nothing new.

But I think hearing about those documentaries coming out on, or around the anniversary date, just made me feel compelled to hear about the events again.

Like a yearly ritual.

And then at some point, I didn't need to wait for the anniversary anymore. If something ever came up that reminded me of that day, or I was just curious, I would look it up. No anniversary needed.

So now, after years of reading various accounts, seeing photographs, and watching documentaries/films, I finally understand what younger me could not.

I finally understand why thousands of people losing their lives was tragic.

How did I finally understand?

Empathy.

I think it's empathy.

Imagining myself in the shoes of the numerous people who were affected by that day. From the people in the buildings, to the people in the planes, the nervous loved ones waiting for news, the air traffic controllers, and the people whose planes were rerouted. As well as those poor kids who were on their way to California for a school trip with their teachers since they were close to my age at the time.

There are many events that have happened in the past that we have naturally grown numb to (random example, French Revolution), but I think if I watched a few documentaries, and read a few eyewitness accounts of the time, I could probably imagine myself in the shoes of a person who lived during that period.

Or maybe not. Who knows?

But a little overdue empathy goes a long way in understanding the significance of an event.

— 9/11/2023

[spitegeous-azzburn]

07.07.2023 🧝🏻‍♀️

our physics teacher made a fucked up drawing to explain sound intensity to us and i thought it was funny so i took a picture.

i decided not to go to the gym today and stayed home watching Lord of the Rings instead.

my friend is a huge fan and had been trying to make me watch it for months so i decided to give it a try. i actually liked it a lot!!

ive also been feeling pretty depressed since lunch. then i was more depressed after watching a whole ass 3 hour movie. then my mom looked at me and went “you’re pale. more pale than usual. did you eat something today??”

and i told her i had eaten a small lasagna slice on lunch (note that this conversation happened 4 hours later) and then some chocolate, and she reprehended me and told me i should eat more.

she also told me to weight myself. i did, and i am weighting 4kg less than i was last time i weighed myself :/

so i ate three small mashed potatoes and me and my mom watched A Man Called Otto.

which just made me even more depressed.

and the trans boy, malcom, reminded me of my friend to who i havent talked to in months and i cried so much during this movie i swear to god.

i’ve decided im texting this friend of mine asap.

so when the movie ended, i locked myself in the bathroom and cried for about half an hour. i dont have a lot of sense of time when im crying but i think it must have been around that.

i can’t remember when was the last time i had to lock myself in the bathroom to cry, but it was more than 3 months ago. i feel like im having a relapse.

i was feeling so good this last month…

maybe my meds aren’t working anymore, i dont know. this reminds me that i have to schedule my next appointment with my psychiatrist, so i can get another prescription and maybe increase the dosage.

anyway, im gonna go hug my comfort ladybug pillow until i sleep.

#im purposely not tagging this #this is a rant and not supposed to be found by other ppl on tumblr #goodbye #personal journal #nana joana