#this game is like playing crackfic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

flmer · 9 months

Text

★ oh no! it's the baby apocalypse! (2) ┊ wc:

content: talks of baby stuff, crackfic?

pairings: idia & malleus x gn!reader. (seperated)

note! I finally did the part 2! although the last part would be Kalim and Jamil.. This was stuck in my drafts and I just noticed now. part 1

idia.

idia is the type of dad to spoil his child since he doesn't really know what else to do, he isn't used to saying affectionate words but he does make it up by spending time with the child and spoiling them.

I believe that idia has some experience in handling kids because of ortho so he wouldn't technically be completely clueless about fatherhood. (also there's a chance that he watched those family animes)

when he first saw his child, he froze. he froze like an ice statue because he's in shock like wow?? is that really his baby?? (the baby literally has his fire hair.)

he's awestruck because of how adorable the baby looks and not to mention how cute it is... idia promises that he'd do anything to make his child smile

he spends his free time bonding with his child by watching numerous animes and playing games that's child friendly of course, even though the child could barely talk... but it is quite endearing to hear the nonsensical babble of your child and idia nodding along with whatever they just said as id he understands them.

“I probably won't be able to buy that much merch anymore... unless I make my child enjoy gaming and anime >:) ”

malleus.

he would isolate his child without knowing he's isolating his child inside his castle. it was how he was raised but his child won't be completely isolated just protected. malleus wants his child to not have the same childhood like the one he had.

malleus would be king by the time he had a child but that doesn't mean his child would rarely see him, no. malleus grew up without experiencing his mother and father’s presence in his childhood that's why he makes sure his child always sees him. malleus's child would practically be in the throne room playing with toys and malleus's tail and also talking gibberish nonsense with the guards that's stationed in the throne room mostly silver and sebek. the scenario goes like this: malleus on his throne listening to silver and sebek's reports while his eyes sometimes stray to his child and his mouth would twitch and turn upwards- the reason was because his child is now currently munching on silver's long cloak while their hand was occupied with grasping sebek's pants. it was an eandering sight.

the first time he saw his child, he cried. the fearsome dragon fae king was shedding tears like a newborn baby and it was because of the mere sight of his child. when the child first opened their eyes- malleus saw his own striking electric green eyes staring right back at him and that was what made him have a wide smile on his face as his child reaches for his horns with their small closed fists.

lilia sometimes makes sure to visit just so he could spend some time with his precious grandchild, yes, his bangs got burned again by a similar green fire that came out of the mouth of the baby he's holding. malleus saw this happen and his reaction was to chuckle while sebek fretted over lilia's now smoking bangs but lilia only waved him off saying that he's used to it by now, and silver is just standing there with a soft smile on his face.

malleus takes you and his child out every night to walk with him in a forest that malleus used to go to back when he was a child whenever he feels overwhelmed with his feelings. the forest is a beauty with it's thorned vines that seems to wrap around trees, there were also some glowing fairies lingering and lighting the beautiful forest. the forest was the meaning of peace and beauty.

malleus hums a familiar lullaby that he used to sing for you back when you both were still at nrc, his hands caressing you and your child's hair as he wraps his arms around the both of you protectively as if the both of you would disappear out of his arms.

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temiizpalace · 5 months

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☆┊LETS PLAY JUST DANCE !

SUMMARY: while shopping at sam’s store, you saw “just dance” on the shelves! no idea how it got here or how it exists here, but you bought it with no hesitation. you wanted to play, so you invited a friend. how good are they at it?

CHARACTERS: all dorms (+ grim)

GENRE: fluff, but kinda crackfic-ish

WARNINGS: cursing

readers gender is not mentioned, implied to be Yuu

actually plays correctly, but gets a low score for no reason

he is putting nothing but his blood, sweat, and TEARS into this game right now. okay, that’s an overstatement. but he’s literally doing the best he can and this game is mocking his efforts. what’s he doing wrong?! why is he so bad at this? you’re literally 10x ahead of him. when you both finish playing, he tells you this game is absolutely rigged and that you should return it. when you refuse cause it cost you an arm and a leg (and it could give you a lead home), he sighs and continues to play. sulking and sighing at his low score as you both play.

grim, riddle, deuce, trey, jack, azul, sebek, malleus

plays correctly and gets a high score

he’s actually better than you’d thought he’d be. for playing a game from another world, you’d think it’d take longer for him to understand. respect. for a new player, his score is also higher than you expected. he thinks this game is really fun! you two should play more often together, cause he’s having a blast. it’s that or he just enjoys absolutely destroying you in this game. when you both finish playing, he’s either smirking at your defeat, or smiling and wants to play again. maybe both..

cater, jade, jamil, vil, epel, ortho, silver

literally just jumping around. they don't care about the score

depending on who this is, he’s either kalim, just having fun and enjoys playing a game with you. or the rest, doesn’t give two fucks about the score and is just going apeshit. whoever he is, he’s not paying attention to the screen at all and is just having the most random movements ever. you’re shuffling to the right? well he’s shuffling to the left. are you supposed to jump? well now he’s crouching for some reason.. is this a partner dance? too bad, he’s gone solo. when you both finish playing, he doesn’t even glance at the score and had already selected another song. oh boy..

(his score is still somehow higher than the first category’s..)

grim (sometimes), (kind of) ace, floyd, kalim, rook, lilia

extremely competitive for no reason

while your having fun and enjoying something you’re familiar with, he’s doing his absolute BEST to make sure his score is higher than yours. he wants this victory, and bad. maybe sometimes over-exaggerating his movements to see if his score would go higher. like damn, chill out. this isn’t a world championship just dance game or something.. (maybe it is). when you both finish playing, he’s literally sweating beads. his attention would immediately shift to the score. if he beat you, hooray. now get ready for round 2. if he lost, oh hell no you’re playing again.

grim, ace (competitively jumping around lmao), ruggie, jamil, vil, epel, idia

literally just sitting on the couch throwing around the wii remote

leona would. there’s no denying. he scoffs and asks you why the hell would you put so much energy into this game? for the record, nobody dances like that. how will he benefit from this? hm? exercise? pshh, then he could just go play spelldrive. but if you really wanted him to play, fine. if it gets you off his tail. however if he’s playing, he’s playing his way. while you put your entire soul into the game, he’s resting his ass on the couching while swinging around the wii remote on his wrist. he gets an average score. AVERAGE. what the hell?! if you tried to do that, then let’s say your score was definitely less than average. better luck next time, herbivore.

leona

absolutely destroying you.

he’s just better. he’s already a great dancer, what’d you expect? if you try to beat him, there’s no chance. when you did win, you knew he was just pitying you. he’d smirk after the final scores were revealed and just give you a pat on the back with a “nice try.” alright you little shit you’re going down. you select another song and starting pouring your heart into this. he admires your efforts, so he’ll go easy on you. somehow he still beats you what the fuck.

jamil, vil

bold of you to assume he’s never played

new player? new player? that’s cute. well news flash: he’s already played this game, normie. don’t lie, you were shocked. idia? idia shroud? playing a game that involves needing to move physically? playing a game that doesn’t involve farming or pulling in a gacha? haha inactive idia very funny. anyway, he already knows the ropes. he bought the game when sam kept pushing him to buy it. since he was peer pressured, he bought it. but it wasn’t a loss. ortho told him to be more active so he thought this would be a shortcut. kind of is. when you ask to play, he’s already got it set up. prepare to be outmatched. ends up really tired after playing though.

idia

forgot to use the wrist thing on the wii remote. the remote is either broken or something else is

it flew.

ace, deuce, floyd, kalim, lilia

it doesn’t detect him

child of man, why can’t it detect him? he’s doing everything correctly (after technical difficulties), but it can’t tell he’s there. why? is your game broken? no, you’re score is just fine. is his remote broken? no, you replaced the batteries beforehand. is his controller is connected? yes, yes it is.. so what could it be? you look like you’re having fun though.. so he’ll power through it. (he’s pouting though.. poor tsunotarou 💔)

malleus

everything is suddenly on fire

what the fuck how’d this happen.

floyd, rook, lilia

A/N: hello I’m new to writing on tumblr lmao

hope you can welcome me with open arms (◍•ᴗ•◍)

date written: 11/23/23

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jlushie · 1 year

Note

small crackfic request ??? anwyays, how would Seb, Abigail and Sam (seperately) react/say if you asked them "Would you still love me if i turned into a frog???☹️" HAHA TYSM

I love this idea so much. What more can I say? T0T

I sometimes wonder the exact same thing-

Enjoy this fun little crackfic!

______________________________________________________

Sebastian, Abigail, and Sam with a Farmer Who Asks, "Would you Still Love me if I Turned into a Frog?"

Abigail:

What???

Honestly, she's a bit confused. She had absolutely no idea where that question had even come from. One second you two are playing games and the next you're asking a question like that? What's the connection??

She starts laughing at the silly question. You couldn't mean it literally, right?

"You've been around Sebastian too much babe."

She doesn't take it seriously until you give her that face.

She feels a little bad if she hurt your feelings. She didn't mean to! She just... didn't know you actually meant it so seriously!

"Aww baby don't look so sad it's making me feel bad! You know I'd love you if you were a frog! I'd still love you if you were the slimiest, weirdest looking frog ever!"

Is that a compliment??? Was that an insult?? You don't even know. At least you know she'll be stuck with you forever, right?

Sam:

You instantly got this man giggling. Not in the way Abi was, where he doesn't take you seriously at all, but more of just a flustered, sort of teasing giggle.

"Sunshine, of course I would."

You felt at ease he said it in such a kind way. It instantly makes you sigh in relief.

"...Though, it would be hard. I mean... I wouldn't be able to take you to many places like I do now. Wait... You wouldn't even be able to farm! A chicken might eat you or something too if you try to be cool with other animals! -"

...He's overthinking the question.

He suddenly looks panicked, grabbing you by the shoulders.

"Babe, how are you gonna come to my concerts? What would my family say if you were a frog!?"

He suddenly rests his head on yours, his mouth lifting into a bit of a smirk when out of your view.

"Just don't turn into a frog, okay? That would kinda suck."

Sebastian:

"Yes."

He didn't even think about it. His answer just kinda flew out of his mouth when he comprehended the question at hand.

He gives you a soft smile, resting his face in his hand as he stared at you with pure adoration.

"I'd get you a little frog house and a little frog farm. I'll make sure you're the happiest frog on the planet."

You turned bright red. It was just a goof and a gaff kinda question Seb not a serious life or death one.

He realized what he said, blushing a bit and avoiding your eyes.

"Sorry... Too weird?"

Not even in the slightest. He's just... A cute, frog loving dude T_T

#stardew valley abigail #stardew valley sebastian #stardew valley #stardew valley sam #sdv sam #sdv sebastian #sdv abigail #stardew valley x reader #stardew valley x farmer #sdv x reader #stardew valley marriage #stardew valley marriage canidates #x reader #x you fluff #stardew valley headcanons #stardew valley bachelors #stardew valley bachelorettes

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lunarw0rks · 9 months

Note

I politely crave moreee awkward placed injures with reader and task force 141. Also why is it so hard to spell awkward like I spend 10 minutes trying to spell it :D

No Filter | Part Two

A/N: I wrote this in an hour, I apologize if it's lackluster. I was picturing the sparring scene from Miss Congeniality while writing this - if you know what I'm talking about I love u. Not proofread.

Summary: From a simple training session to a brawl.

Warning(s): platonic!141, mild language, crackfic, canon-typical "violence", very mild injury/blood, fem!reader, no use of y/n

Word Count: 1.3k

꒦꒷ MAIN MASTERLIST ꒷꒦ 141 MASTERLIST PART ONE | AO3 VER. // have a request? // ˗ˏˋ ASK BOX ˎˊ˗

What you were trying to do was train. The right way.

But did that ever go as planned in this God-forsaken place?

In this God-forsaken task force? Not ever.

It was a simple sparring session, a rare one where everyone was participating. Each member picked a buddy, yours being Gaz—one of the more tolerable, humble men you worked with. Though, he had his sore moments every now and then.

Gaz raised his fists, the both of you dancing around in a circle as you braced for impact. “C’mon, hit me!” He exclaimed, curling his lips into a smug smirk. You squinted at him, returning the playful glare as you debated on your next move.

“What? Get shot in the bits but you can’t punch me?” He chuckled, reminding you of the bullet welt still healing—an awkward reminder of the enemy’s odd aim.

At the mention of it, you swung at him, rendering him on his ass. Kyle groaned and held his throbbing forehead, a tender mark where your gloved fist knocked the cockiness right out of him. “Bloody Christ, I said hit me not give me a brain injury!”

You stifle your belly laugh as best as you could, feeling a sting where you were still healing. Instead, you outstretched a hand, pulling the spiteful Sergeant to his feet. And here you were thinking Garrick would be a less irritating sparring partner. Surely, less obnoxious than Soap, and miles less intimidating than Ghost.

You heard a thud behind the two of you, causing you to turn on your heels and inspect the hilarious scene in front of you. Soap was on his ass, holding a small cut on his brow—one that would leave him with a nasty bruise for weeks. The skull-faced Lieutenant stood over him, arms crossed over his chest as he watched him writhe.

“You got distracted, Johnny. Ended up on your arse.” he taunted, taking a few steps back as Soap regained his footing.

With Ghost’s strength, it could’ve been any limp thrust into Soap’s temple. Your guess? Probably an elbow or knee. Soap pointed a finger at Kyle’s reddened mark where you sucker punched him, as if sitting him in the same boat of embarrassment.

“Look at him! Knocked down by her; a nasty mark that is.” His Scottish accent grew stronger the more heated he got, though Ghost remained untouched by both the activity and the humor.

Soap approached, giving your touchy chest a knock with his fist, “I’m proud of you, lass, sticking up for yourself, especially with this one.” He pointed to Gaz’s disgruntled scowl, an often recurring expression on his youthful face. Though, you were more focused on Johnny’s patronizing—he hadn’t let you live the boob incident down.

That vigor resurfaced, making you sweep Soap’s feet out from under him with just a kick. “I told you not to bring that up, you bastard!” You lunged for him, but he had rolled out of your path, finding his footing again. It was game on now—to hell with proper, tactical training.

Soap gripped your shoulders, sending you both to the foam mat with a grunt. The struggle was entertaining for the rest of them, to say the least. Even Simon; the man nonchalantly stanced to the side, pretending he’s not associated with the clown show playing in front of him.

You ended up on top of him, knees on each side of his head. It took every bit of your might, your training to keep his arms from swatting you in the face. It was like two siblings wrestling over their turn with the remote.

“They’re just—” Johnny grunts, resisting the neck pin, “—too damn distracting!” Oh, he was in for it now. That idiotic smolder on his face, like you weren’t seconds from adding to the nasty bruise on his brow bone.

“My bets on her. She’s got a lot of rage.” Gaz whispered to Simon, holding a cold compress to the throbbing mark on his head.

Ghost turns his attention to Gaz’s laughable appearance, then back to the immature brawl. “Johnny’s like a hungry hound, he won’t go easy. Just like I taught him.”

Simon was right. You got too caught up in your need for vindication, disembarking you into the submissive position, a smirking Soap above you.

Your feet pressed against his toned stomach, your only lifeline because your arms were pinned above your head. “Next time we do a honeypot operation, you’re wearing the thong, MacTavish!” A harsh kick delivered by you, right on his kneecap sent him keeling to the side of you, allowing for your brisk getaway.

You slithered around Gaz, using his frame as a distraction so you could gather yourself. Cheating? Perhaps; but Soap started this, not you. Your eyes peeked around him, now circling around the middleman until an inevitable mistake was made.

“Bet you’d love to see that.” Soap answers your remark from seconds ago, sweat pooling on his bruised brow. Kyle eventually got fed up being used as a wall, yanking your arm and thrusting you towards your mow-hawked opponent.

It wasn’t the quick move he thought it was, however. His foot snagged on yours, sending him tumbling to the ground. And you? You slipped on the ice pack that came flying from Garrick’s grip as he fell. It was like a trio of klutzes all in one room. Surely, no one would be able to picture you three as serious members of the Task Force after all was said and done—but you needed revenge, craved it.

Kyle let out a groan of contempt, barrel rolling out of the way as you and Johnny scuffled again, stumbling along the training room as you attempted head-locks on each other.

Simon retreated into the corner of the room, observing his moronic co-workers as he played with the blade of his knife. Sooner or later, the Captain was either going to find out about this incident second-hand, or walk into this unprofessional brawl. Either way; the skull man was not going to be involved. His fortuitous knee to Soap’s temple was enough to fuel his ego for the day.

You received a few elbows to the rips, some knocks on the side of the head, all while petty insults were thrown at the Scot. It was ridiculous, but in the moment—you were on top of the world, beating Johnny’s arrogance.

You latched onto Johnny’s back, attempting to finally give him a well-deserved choke hold. What did you get instead? A forearm to the nose, a small smear of blood on your wrist when you instinctively raised a hand to your throbbing nose.

Soap was chuckling… until he witnessed you compose yourself within a matter of seconds. The saying he heard once; hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. He believed it to be true the moment he saw you charge him, a disabling kick to his balls. Not strong enough to leave him impotent—enough to make him see stars.

You got ahead of yourself too, delivering the kick too soon after a blow to the face. You lost your balance, finding yourself crumpled on the floor beside MacTavish. Unless it was literal life or death, neither of you were continuing this tussle.

“What the hell is going on in here?”

Everyone’s heads perked up at the sound of the Captain’s irritation. Imagining the scene from his perspective made sense; Kyle pouting with an ice pack on his head, you holding a bloodied nose while stunned, Soap clutching his wounded manhood, and Simon in the corner sharpening a blade.

It was in his nature to keep professional, though he had to fight the urge to cackle.

“You were supposed to be training with each other, not partaking in catfights.” He cleared his throat. “Will someone explain to me why everyone but Simon is injured?” John crept closer, hands behind his back as he hovered over the two of you, inspecting the evidence on your faces.

Soap raised his head, mouth open to speak, but the Captain cut him off. “Not you.”

You gritted your teeth, still in the midst of catching your breath, “he talked about the boobs again.” It was a humiliated mumble, like a child caught in a lie. As if there weren't enough staff meetings caused by this unit specifically…

“My office. Now, all three of you.”

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sansundertale14x1 · 2 months

Text

why NauseAxe_404 loves your writing so much…

based on this silly tweet, I’m gonna use ‘Nick’ for this- for ease of writing (and for my poor poor hands.)

no pronouns but ‘you’- little post cuz I haven’t written in a while.- use of the in-game website: "Dumblr", no it's not a typo;-; Proshippers DNI

word count: 878

content warning: brief explanations of canon violence, creepy stalker-ish behavior (NOTHING SEXUAL ATTACHED), Nick being a weirdo honestly.

vvv that isn't my art, and this entire writing is a fanfic for a game " Monster x Mediator" made by HeadLocker! I really recommend playing the game or watching the gameplay, cuz it's really fantastic!

Story under cut :3

Nick’s in love with your writing…(if you already couldn’t tell), but it’s difficult for you to understand why.

Usually, when you'd open up your laptop, it was after a tough shift at your crap job and you just wanted to do something to fill in the time after dinner and before bed. It was always on the shorter side, 100 words each, and was normally just a quick and crappy self-insert fic to satisfy your creative urges from doing a boring-ass job all day. You never really thought your tiny one-shots would attract any attention, but the man you've been staying with proves otherwise.

"NauseAxe_404" is what he called himself, but you've just been calling him 'Nick' for now. He had been reading your old Dumblr blog for who knows how long, and he's taken a major interest in your little shitposts...So much, so that he had taken the time to print out every single one of your posts and personal information pinned to his room's walls. It's extremely creepy...but also sort of charming?

For the last few days or so, you've been held in Nick's hotel room, practically glued to a desk with a typewriter...slowly making your way through a 100-paged fic that he specifically requested of you. Though you technically could stand up and leave...you'd really prefer for your skull to stay in one piece...and not have a bullet put through your temple.

Nick has been staring at you almost the entire time...which only certified in your mind that he is not human. Every time you turn to see if he's still there...like an unmoving fortress, he always is. It's been a solid 8+ hours of you sitting there and writing...and your stomach starts to emit loud sounds of hunger. You pray he didn't hear that, and continue to type away at the dated machine. However, to your dismay, his deep voice chimes in.

"...What page are you on...?"

Nick asks, seemingly trying to speak quietly for you, but his naturally booming voice isn't giving you any favors.

"...uhm..."

You take a moment to review what you have done...it doesn't look like much but it feels like it took AGES to write out...

"About...10? It's not a-"

"That's wonderful, Superstar!"

He cuts you off just as you begin to speak.

Of course, he's going to be ecstatic. You can't fathom why he seems to be so hopelessly in love with whatever you slap on the paper. You're curious..so you begin to speak.

"...uhm...Nick...why do you..take interest in my writing?"

You softly speak, trying to be careful with your words...you can't afford to overstimulate this man.

For a chatty guy...Nick was oddly silent at the ask of this question…or at least for a few seconds.

“I was trying to find a way to ease the boredom and loneliness of this fucking hotel, so…huff…I joined Dumblr and started to search for writing…that was…huff….purposeful…and that could fix me..”

No way in hell your crackfics could change this man...He must've come out of the womb like that. (or...however the hell he was made..)

"...I came across your first post years ago..huff...and fell in love with the way you wrote your love interest....huff...I knew you were talking about me when I wrote all those comments~"

You never looked at comments due to embarrassment...and you honestly didn't think anyone would even care to comment in the first place.

"....you weren't responding to me...huff...so I might've found everything about you in the meantime...huff...just so I could notice you in a crowd...I always will~"

Okay, now it's getting creepy. You hope that by just turning back around and continuing to write maybe he'd shut up...You guess it's sorta your fault for striking up a conversation with the creep.

"All the other writers don't know shit about writing...huff...1k word counts...huff...long and complicated stories that don't make any fucking sense..."

There goes the rambles. You stop typing for a moment to process what the hell he just said. He either is really balls-deep into this fantasy of you being a perfect human...or he's just trying to fluff you up so you'll continue writing for him. He's really delusional, that's it. It's seriously hard to believe your crap was life-changing for Nick.

“Simplicity is the most important part…huff…not describing some stupid walk sequence for 3 sentences…huff…it’s a waste of space..”

"....maybe you just like simpler writing...?"

You softly reply, yet again praying that you didn't accidentally strike a chord with this guy. He stares you down, and even if you aren't looking back at him, you can still feel the burning of his eyes on the back of your head.

"That's possible."

Oh, it's highly probable. He gets so emotional over the tiniest bit of anything, so...He just doesn't need too many words to evoke a reaction...It checks out because you also like to write a straight-to-the-point sorta piece.

"but don't let your mind wander for...huff...too long...my superstar...you've got at least 90+ pages to go~"

Shit, he was right...time to get back to work.

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avengersassemble123 · 4 months

Text

The (un)expected Thanksgiving

Pairing: Ran Haitani x fem!reader

Since Im going through my Haitani brothers brainrot, especially Ran Haitani, here's a fic for all the Haitani lovers like me HAHA.

Age ranges of the characters are majorly in 20s. Ran is 24, while you and Rindou are 23.

PS: this is a female reader based fanfic. Majorly a crackfic

Inspired from the series 'THE BIG BANG THEORY' (7x09) The thanksgiving Decoupling.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I dont get it. Why am i being bullied here?"

"Just because i said so"

"Thats bullshit."

"Ran, be nice."

You three were preparing for the thanksgiving party at the Haitani brothers' place, since they insisted that they were the best and better party throwers than anyone in the whole of Toman, leading you to prepping up the food, you forcefully making Ran's lazy ass help you, while Rindou played a video game after helping to clean the house.

Currently the argument was being held between the brothers on Ran warning Rindou on beating him up if Ran's fell asleep and was disturbed by the others in the party, leading to the younger sibling defend himself back and you scolding your boyfriend on bullying his younger brother.

"Now i know how the Korean slaves felt in Japan..."

You gave him a deadpan offended look, eyebrow raised and staring at him, as he was sat like a grumpy cat busy playing his game. Your boyfriend snorted, making you kick his feet to shut him up.

"Are you seriously comparing you two's sibling fight to one of the greatest Japanese Korean tragedies?" You asked.

"Yes." Rindou grunted, shrugging his shoulders as if its the most obvious thing in the world, making you roll your eyes.

"Im surprised you guys even know that considering you two's level of education" you retorted, making offended gasps come out from the two brothers, "Hey watch your mouth, Im the eldest here. You dont back answer me. Ill kick your ass." Ran threatened playfully as he twirled a knife and pointed towards you jokingly, making you give him a 'sure' look.

"Rindou, ignore your brother, you know you can spend a nice thanksgiving anywhere, I spent one in Roppongi anyway, before i was dating Ran." you said, as you walked towards the living room couch.

"You did?" Ran asked, following me with a opened desert cup.

"Yea, back when i was dating my ex Kenji. It was really fun, we visited casinos, cheesy wedding chapels, roamed around malls, got drunk and explored the night life, and also almost landed up in a strip club, which was of course surprising as hell." you chuckled, unknown towards Ran being taken aback midway eating his desert, looking at Rindou, who had confused eyes darting towards his brother's, his attention completely off the game, as the brothers' exchanged confused glances between each other.

"Wait you went to chapel?" Ran asked. "Yea." you chuckled, as you continued to apply spread on my sandwich. "Why?" He continued.

"We had one of those silly fake wedding haha" you chuckled, thinking of it as a funny memory, while Ran's eyes squinted at you, visibly taken aback, as Rindou now removed the headphones from his ears and onto his shoulders, glancing between you two and seeing the interaction in confusion. "(NAME)," Ran started, now his desert kept on his lap, as squinted his eyes at her, "You know those are real, right?"

"Huh no they're not." you scoffed, assuming he was joking, as you continued to giggle and eat your sandwich.

"Baby...Rindou and I have been ruling Roppongi since we were 13...we know it inside out...Trust me, they are real." Ran responded, as now slowly set down his unfinished desert.

You slowed your chewing, your eyes blanking out, seeing that your boyfriend was indeed serious unlike his usual demeanour, as despair and nervousness slowly filled inside your body, "No..they're not" Your voice slightly quivered, as you looked at Rindou for backup, but instead was returned with the same confused nervous look as Ran's.

"Yea they are." Ran responded.

"He's right, they're real." Rindou confirmed.

You sat there nervous, as you started fidgeting with your sandwich, "B-But it didnt seem real..." You muttered, your voice whimpering, as you looked at both of them, as if trying to convince them and even yourself. You three exchanged glances between each other, but majorly you looking at Ran as he looked at you, this time his eyes widened and his mouth slightly agape.

"Son of a bitch" you both cursed under your breaths.

--- TIMSKIP 2 HOURS LATER---

It was almost time for your friends to arrive, as you guys were busy doing last minute preparations.

"I cant fucking believe you're married to that idiot." Ran muttered, as he aggressively continued to set up the tables with loud thuds.

You sighed as you were busy setting up the pillows and cushions of the living room sofa, "Would you stop it? we just did it as a goof."

"Goof or not, you two are actually married. you need to get this taken care of, or Ill handle it myself." Ran gritted, as he put down the nachos bowl with a 'thud'.

"I will. Why are you making it such a big deal?" you gritted as you finished dusting off the couches and bean bag.

"Oh i have a reason," Rindou spoke out as he was casually setting up the DJ system, "It could be because you said yes to marrying Kenji, but made Ran chase you till the end of the Earth as you showered him with resounding 'no's and making one of the kings' of Roppongi's ego hurt." Rindou didnt look up, as he was amused by the situation and the argument happening between you two, making him snort mentally at the kind of problem it is.

You and Ran both glared at Rindou, as he hummed and tested out his new tracks.

You sighed as you now stood in the middle of the living room frustrated, your hands placed at your hips. "So how do i undo this?"

"Im hoping you can get an annulment cuz it never happened." Ran replied.

"Great. Well what do i have to do?"

"Ran looked into his phone, searching for solutions when he spoke up, "It says here that you can get an annulment, if any of the following conditions are met. 1. Were you unable to consummate the marriage? Hah you? Next." Ran mocked, as you rolled your eyes and glared at him. "Is there any case of fraud, bigamy, want of understanding-"

"Want of understanding? What does that even mean?" you asked before being interrupted by the younger brother.

"Ding ding ding we have a winner" Ran cheered, mocking you, making you roll your eyes for the third time in the span of few hours, rubbing your eyes in frustration at the nonsense.

---

Soon your friends of Toman started coming in, as you guys greeted them as everyone started settling in and started mingling and partying.

You were talking with Shion and Mochi, "Hey thanks for coming in. Here's the bottle you wanted to taste." you replied with a bland and strained tone, making the two question.

"Whats with you?" Mochi asked, when Ran appeared and answered immediately, "Oh she's just mad at me because she just found out that she was married to her ex." Ran replied with a strained forced smile, looking at you the whole time, his hands inside his pockets.

"Really that dumbass you used to date? Tha-ts hysterical" Shion started laughing at the end midsentence, making you glare at him. "I cant believe i felt bad for opening this earlier." I said, before snatching the bottle from Mochi's hands and walking away. Mochi glared at Shion as the latter pursed his lips, "Congratulations you played yourself." "Shut up."

Soon enough the party started, along with everyone starting to realise the tension between you and Ran, as you told everyone not to worry about it Rindou coughing in the background.

Hinata, Takemichi, Draken, Emma, Mikey, Baji and Kazutora were hanging out in the kitchen going through the food stuff, when Senju barged out of nowhere, "Guys you wont believe what i just heard."

"What?" Hinata asked. "Im pretty sure she has some random bullshit to spout out" Baji joked, giving a high five to Mikey and Draken, as Senju rolled her eyes, giving him the middle finger.

"First off, fuck you Baji. Second off, did you guys know that (NAME) was married to her ex Kenji two years ago?"

"WHAT?" Everyone in the kitchen exclaimed, as they turned their heads towards a smug Senju, some of the people's mouth full mid bite (Mikey and his dorayaki). "Yea. thats the reason why we were uncomfortable with the tension between (NAME) and Ran."

Yuzuha came running in, before spotting Senju and visibly deflating, "You told everyone here already didnt you?"

---

As you were sitting with the girls that is Emma, Hinata, Senju and Yuzuha, talking about the situation as they had confronted you about it, when Ran came out of his bedroom, walking towards you, reading into his phone, "Ok ive readied the annulment papers, all that needs to be done is for you and that dumbass to sign it. Understood?"

"Yea."

"Oh and do it soon as possible will ya?"

"I fucking get it Ran, can you stop bothering me about this?" you gritted as you stood up and started walking towards his room.

"How the hell am i bothering you, when im just trying to get your ass out of this stupid mess?" Ran gritted back, as he stared at your back.

---

"How am i the bad guy? She's the one who married someone else. Im the victim." Ran ranted, as Rindou, Sanzu, Izana, Kakucho and Mochi sat on the couches drinking and watching the game on the TV"

"Sounds like Kenji's the victim. You're sleeping with his wife." Sanzu retorted making the other men snort. "Okay i see what your problem is...Can i weigh in here?" Izana asked, making Ran shrug. "Im trying to watch the game here, shut up."Izana retorted with a blank face before turning towards the TV, making the others finally burst out in laughter, as the braided male rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Just the you entered, walking towards your boyfriend, "Well, you'd be happy to know that i just spoke with Kenji, and he's willing to sign the papers." Ran nodded, making his way towards to you, both of you peeking in your phone together. "He's on his way here now." You said, making Ran look up at you with an incredulous look, "Wait, you invited him here?" Ran asked, slightly raising his tone.

"Im getting ready to weigh in here again." Izana called out, not turning his eyes off the TV, making Ran roll his eyes, before pulling you towards a quieter corner.

You both were at a quieter corner near the kitchen, arguing,

"I just don't understand why you had to invite him here today??"

"Because you wouldnt shut up about it. and when I called him, he had nothing to do so I just thought-"

"Hey guys" Kokonoi spoke up from behind the kitchen counter, "We're kind of talking here."

"Oh sorry we'll keep it down." you said apologetically, again turning towards Ran, but being interrupted again, "Oh no no, speak up."

Ran and you looked at him confused, before looking at Inui, Kisaki and Hanma behind him, the three males waving at you. "We are kinda bit further from you two's talking range, and we dont wanna miss anything." Kokonoi shrugged, making your mouth agape, squinting at their audacity before looking at Ran, who had an annoyed look.

"Well get ready to invite one more, because she invited Kenji over here right now." Ran said, before a loud 'WHAT' was heard.

Mitsuya slapped Peh's mouth shut, while Pah turned him around, alongside Mikey, Draken, Baji, Kazutora, who were pretending to look into some other directions, whistling some random notes and observing the surroundings.

---

After Half an hour, when the doorbell rang, every single person scrambled, waiting for the next moments of what was about to come.

---

"Well, here are the papers, you just gotta sign in here." Ran said, as he put forth the papers across the table, as you and Kenji stood across each other.

"Sorry I made you come over here on a holiday" you apologised, as you stood patiently at your side.

"Its alright." Kenji said, "I didnt have anything going on, plus, (NAME) told me we were married, and thanksgiving is the time to be with family." Kenji said with a wide tooth smile. If looks could kill, Kenji wouldve been tortured to death by the way Ran glared at him, while you blankly looked at your dumb ex. "Yea okay great, Can we just get this over with?" You said, as you took the pen and signed the papers.

"Great, by a few days, this marriage will be over, and you both can go seperate ways." Ran said, as you held the pen towards Kenji to sign it, "Here."

Kenji hummed before speaking up, "I dont know if i wanna sign these papers."

Everone 'oooed', as you both ignored the voices. You glared at Kenji with a 'are you serious look' while Ran had red in his eyes, "Why not?" Ran said, his voice raising, restraining himself to not beat the shit out of him.

"Because i think splitting up would be rough on the kids." Kenji said, making you two look at him with dumbfounded looks. "

"We don't have any kids" You say, "Are you sure, cuz you didnt know we were married until this morning." Kenji said, making Ran look towards you, smacking his lips and squinting his eyes, giving you the 'he's got a point' look, making you roll your eyes.

"Okay Kenji, you know neither of us thought this was real, i mean we were married by an anime character impersonater."

"Of course it was an Anime character impersonater. we could never afford a real one."

You looked at him with your eyes squinted and dumbfounded look, while Ran rubbed his hand over his face, "You married him instead of me? Yeah good call." Ran said, taking the pen from your hands and pointing it towards Kenji , "Sign the damn papers."

"Hang on" You said, pointing your hand towards Ran, "You know you've been a jerk about this all day. You always do this. Whenever i mess something up, you're right there to make me feel worse about it."

"That is not true." Ran argued.

"You know we couldve waited till Monday, signed the papers, and this wouldve all been over."

"You're the one who invited him here."

"Oh there we go again. Just another mistake you're throwing at my face."

"Not cool bro." Kenji said, poking Ran's shoulder with the pen, as Ran squinted at him annoyed and irritated. "Im starting to think you're not the guy i want dating my wife."

You held Ran's one hand back, not to let him physically strangle Kenji in front of the others.

Ran took a deep breath, before speaking up, "Yea, well she's not gonna be your wife for long."

"Oh no are you dying?"

Ran looked at the ceiling, while you closed your eyes in frustration, still holding Ran's one hand to calm him down.

"Im about to. Sign the damn papers." you said.

Kenji signed the papers as he happily said, "You know what they say, Happy wife..Happy life." He put the pen down on the table as he grinned and looked towards you both, while Ran gave him a sideye, his both hands on the table, while you took a deep breath.

---------

Soon the party ended, as everyone bid goodbyes. Finally only you, Ran and Rindou were left. Rindou went to his room, while you and Ran sat beside each other on the couch, watching TV, and eating ice cream.

You sighed, as you slid an arm underneath his, "Hey, i'm sorry about today. And i promise that the next time i get married, it wont be a joke. It'll be for love. Or money." i said nodding my head, before giving him kisses on his cheeks and his lips before resting my head on his shoulders, as Ran snorted on your words. He then moved his hands to wrap around you, as he then retorted, "Its a win win for me, since i qualify for both", making you chuckle, as you both continued to cuddle and watch TV and eating the tub of ice cream.

#tokyo rev x y/n #tokyo rev x you #sanzu x reader #ran x reader #rindou haitani x reader #ran haitani x reader #tokyo rev fluff #bonten x reader #tokyo revengers ran #tokrev crack #tokrev x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyorev x reader crack

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dark-side-blog3 · 3 months

Text

Ignore that this Home Alone inspired poly adeuce fic is a month late. Or choose to read it for 2024 Christmas, up to you.

I had a lot of fun writing this! Put it into a word counter just for fun, and I'm surprised to see that my first real WIP I finished in 2024 is 3k long! It was just so fun to imagine a twist one of my favourite Christmas movies, and I got so caught up in the fun of it I didn't make my deadline ^^; It was originally meant to be a short little crackfic, but it was just too fun! There are some cracky, campy elements, but that's just in the spirit of the movie I based it off!

Anyways: MDNI, warnings for standard yandere things, and creepy crawlies.

++++++++++++++++++++++

"Shouldn't we be pouring salt on the pathway?"

"Nah," you smile, splashing another bucket of water on the front steps. "This is so we can have a nice slip-and-slide for tobogganing tomorrow, Grim! Same reason I'm filling up a little ice rink in the back-- I wanna do some skating. I can't wait for it to freeze over and teach you how!"

Grims' head shakes fervently as he beams; "Just you wait! I'll show you the grace and speed of a master figure skater! I'm gonna be teaching YOU how to skate by the time we're done!"

"Well if you wanna do that, you're gonna need to be well rested. Can you grab us some cookies for before-bed snacks?" you encourage, the monster agreeing and scampering off inside the dorm house to pilfer the cupboard.

You continue pouring water on the steps and trudge around the house's perimeter to check on the steps leading outside to make sure they're freezing over like you intended. You have several other home security measures to check over...

Most of the staff, and students for that matter, went home for the holidays. Family to see, vacations to take... A life to live outside of the school and other people in it. Should anything happen, Crowley was unfortunately unavailable (what else is new, the old bastard), nor was Vargas, Trein, or Crewl. Normally they'd be spattered throughout the holiday to watch over the students. But there are other teachers on the premises, and hardly any students who can't return home for whatever reason, and they let it slip by... One night during the whole winter break when none of your trusted faculty members nor any of your more powerful friends like Malleus or Idia could help if you got into trouble.

And maybe, maybe your brain has been rotted by movies and defending yourself from overblotted students.

But it's better safe than sorry.

With everything seemingly in order, and the sun setting quickly behind the treeline of school woods, you rush over to the front gate to hang a large sign:

NO SOLICITORS

Hopefully, this will deter anyone planning to intrude on you tonight.

You trudge your way back to the front door, carefully avoiding the steps. You spend the next few hours snacking with Grim while watching movies together, playing card games, and chattering about what ifs and would you rather... Before too long, it's time for bed, and Grim is out like a light, thanks to several pounds of turkey stuffing, potatoes, and cookies you still had after the holiday party days ago.

The party was fun... It did leave you with more leftovers you knew what to do with, which is always great. You got to wish Rook Joyeuses Fête, decorate cookies with Jack and Jade (the merman being much better at decorating, likely due to working in the lounge), and say goodbye to everyone dear to you before they left for their own plans... But it also had Ace and Deuce.

Which, on the one hand, they're harmless. You know they are. They're just jerks sometimes.

They should be focusing on their studies, and you had to devote your time to keeping Ramshakle clean, and Grim on task to graduate... The little monster became somewhat of a family member. Surrogate son or little brother you're not entirely sure, but you want him to succeed.

And even if the pair of heartslabyul boys were gifted students that excelled at every course with time to spare, Grim wasn't-- Grim needed your help to study, to get to class, to handle some of his projects for him when his paws would cause accidents in the potion lab. Grim needs your help to get through college, and it keeps you way too busy for a relationship with either guy.

And even though they soured the mood of the party right after you told them as such, it's the truth, and that's what it is. You're not going to jeopardize Grim's future just to date college students.

They acted like jerks for the rest of the winter break.

When everyone was opening presents, they bitched at everyone for the gifts they exchanged, teased relentlessly, knocked over decor, and told each classmate going through the magic mirror over the week to 'take their time coming back, if at all'. Poor Idia had an anxiety attack when they started teasing him; it took you half an hour to calm him down enough to stop puking and stick to just dry heaving. Grim scampered off after Idia fainted a second time... It took another hour after that to help him through the magic mirror, with his robot escorts. You would have walked through with him, but he insisted holding your hand as he left would be enough, only dragging you somewhat through the portal.

It was rubbing you the wrong way how they were picking fights with everyone, and snubbing Grim anytime they saw you and the monster around campus.

Suddenly, the front gates screech open, drawing you out of your thoughts. You peek out the sliver of the window from behind the thick curtain in the bedroom to see two figures shuffle through the snow.

It can't be them. Even if you were just thinking of them, that would be too... Convenient. Like some movie logic. Thinking of people doesn't summon them.

Whoever it is will be getting a nasty surprise in three, two, one--

A muffled thud and string of curses can be heard from the other side of the glass. You sneak your way down the stairs so you can at least see who's at the door.

"Son of a--! Grim!" Deuce shouts. So much for not summoning them.

"Open the door, little buddy! We know that you're in there and that you're all alone... Your precious prefect is spending the last night of the winter break with someone else, right?" Ace yells, quickly being joined by a snickering and rapping at the door.

A shadow presses itself against the window, trying to peer through sheer curtains. You duck behind one of the striped couches on the outside of the room, close to the walls. Through the reflection of the glass cabinet, you can see the figure stay and linger at the window, tapping against the glass with a small can.

"Come on Grim. We've got tuna for ya if you just open the door and have a chat..." Deuce says, cupping his hands around his mouth as he yells through the glass.

His shadow straightens up, before pounding back on the glass, rattling the old pane against the tight frame, the narrow strips of wood being tight enough together that neither of them could just force their way through the window; Even if they shattered all the glass.

Which Deuce just might, slamming himself into the frame as hard as he could.

"I saw you move in there! Don't ignore us!" He shatters a pane, shoving his hand through to grab at the sheer curtains and tug, ripping them.

You duck back behind the couch, scanning for tools to protect yourself. Shut up. Don't be stupid, just think. Think quick, and smart.

The banging stops for a second. Before becoming far louder-- powerful enough to feel the floor shake. Metal creaks against its hinges, and the lock crashes into the strike plate of the door.

Ignore that, focus. Cleaning supplies. Always nearby, the dorm is filthy. Dish soap and mop bucket.

You dart out from behind the couch to grab the bottle of dish soap, grabbing it and rolling up against the wall just in time as the banging stops, the door knob jiggles and a thin wire pokes itself out from the cracks between the door frame. It makes quick work of the locks on the door, before opening, and Ace proudly struts into the room. The second he does, you pop the cap and squeeze the bottle, squirting bright blue goop into his eyes and smarmy mouth! And you splurt the floor for good measure!

You sprint back to behind the couch he pulls back, sputtering, and wiping it from his eyes in thick globs. You watch through the reflection of the cabinet as Deuce shoves his way past Ace as he splatters fistfuls of goop onto the floor, next to the bottle of leaking dish soap. Ace shoves Deuce for the push, and the resulting shove has both of them slipping on the puddle of dish soap you left in your hurry.

"Ahg-- Ace?! Why are you on the floor?"

A visibly wet smack as dish soap arches off Ace's gloves, slapping damply right into Deuce's face as he grunts from under his classmate: "Get off me, you buffoon! Go find the cat-- Grim, I'm gonna skin you for this, you little creep!"

"Don't make threats until after we have the little rat, runt. If he goes tattling we're screwed--"

"There's no one to tattle to! He's all alone in this big house! Even the ghosts aren't here! If we stick his claws in an electrical socket or force-feed him motor oil, no one would think anything of it! He's just a dumb animal that killed himself without supervision!"

Something glints from under the couch. You grasp at it, finding a spare ornament, and an unused ziptie, threaded through the top. There's got to be something you can use to create a bigger distraction and get you and Grim out of here.

There has to be something in reach-- going back to the bucket in plain sight of them is too risky. Shoving your hand under the couch, your clutch the first thing that your grasp: An aerosol room freshener. Score.

Wrapping the ziptie around the spray trigger, you tighten it and roll it over to the boys, still scrambling about on the floor. You watch from the reflection in the cabinet as Deuce gets a heavy spray right in the eyes, hollering in pain!

"AUGH-- Fucker! You think you're so smart, punk?! Your little bomb just gave away your position!" Deuce shouts, whipping out his magic pen, covering his eyes.

You feel a sense of dread. Primal instinct. You leap out from behind the couch just as he summons a caldron to crash into the couch, narrowly missing you as it smashes the solid oak to splinters. Splinters stick to your socks, embedding in your feet as you scamper off to another room, streams of water and gusts of wind being shot after you.

Just as you turn the corner to climb up the stairs and rush to Grim's room, you hear Ace curse exasperatedly, stumbling his way to the end of the hall to stare at you, still wiping his eyes on his sleeves. Another string of sighed curses leaves his lips as he watches you scramble up the stairs, making accidental eye-contact.

They know their plans are botched now.

Gotta climb faster.

On all fours, you claw up the stairs, just as a tug on your ankle forces your jaw to slam into them. Casting a glance backwards, Ace has gripped your ankle with his sticky gloves, grinning madly as you struggle to tug your ankle away from him, and try to dodge the other one of his hands trying to grasp for your other leg, only to end up sloppily groping your ass before trying again. You try to shake and kick him off, getting a hits to the side of his head, but not as effective as if you had room to wind up. He's gripping so hard it feels like he's going to break something. You scramble, shifting your weight side to side to get him off, prying yourself off the stairs and scratching your nails into the old wood. Your nails cling to the baseboard, prying the edge as much as you can, the wood creaking and snapping off with each desperate tug to pull yourself up.

The baseboard snaps, and you find yourself with a small wooden shiv, thinking to whip around and stab it into Ace's hand, leading him to retract for a second long enough for you to scramble up a step again-- before being slammed back down into the wood as you're grabbed again.

A girthy, irrate red centipede wiggles its way out from the hole in the baseboard, defensive of the now-ruined home.

You snatch it up, close to the head and the snapping mandibles as it wriggled and writhed, as you slowly reached back around to Ace, still clinging to your legs as you tried to shake him off. The teen was so focused on keeping you still as he pulled some ducttape off the roll with his teeth, that he didn't see the massive, snakelike body of the centipede until it was too late; And you stick it right on his face.

He seemed to freeze, giving you enough time to tug your leg again, just as he screamed an ear-piecing shriek!

Ace pawed at his face squirming violently on the stairs, thumping loudly on each step back to the bottom as you sprinted your way upstairs, into Grims room, slamming and locking the door behind you!

"What the hell is wrong--"

"PSYCHO PREFECT IS WHAT! Is it in my hair? Fucking thing was thick as a finger, and they put it right on my face! Is it in my hair?!"

"The prefect is home?! Dude! We're so screwed!"

"So go up there and get them, dipshit! Why are you standing still when they're up there getting a fucking bear trap or something ready?! Are you having an aneurysm or something?! Why are you just staring at me like that?!"

"...Ace... Don't... Move."

"Deuce... What are you talking about? Go get them-"

"Don't. Move."

"Deuce..?"

The telltale crash of a cast iron cauldron smashing through your rotten wood floors makes you nearly shit yourself, glancing back at a sleep-stirring Grim.

"DID I GET IT?"

"YOU ALMOST CRUSHED MY SKULL YOU NUTCASE!"

"DID I GET IT?!"

"You fucking moron!"

You snatch Grim up, using the blanket he was sleeping with like a hobo bag to hold him in, and open the window, edging your way carefully onto the roof. If you can just make safely to the other side of Ramshackle, you can try scaling down the ivy. And it will at least give you a head start-- Maybe hiding out in Sams is the best idea. A store owner must have a CCTV, right? And if Ace and Deuce try and kill either of you, then even if something happens to you, they'll get caught...

You wrap the corners of Grims blanket around your shoulders, like a makeshift baby pouch. You can definitely feel him squirming on your back, starting to wake up. You let go of the window, slipping down the rough roof tile. Laying on your stomach, you side-shuffle over, staying as low to the roof as you can to get the most traction. The edge nearly takes you by surprise when your foot doesn't connect with length that's not there. Slowly, you shuffle even closer to the edge, swaying your arm around the edge to find the vines of Ivy.

"I FOUND 'EM, ACE!"

Your head whips around to see Deuce leaning as far as he can out of the window before he scrambles to get onto the roof.

Whipping your head back to focus, you grab a fistful of vines and pull the rest of your body off the roof! You snatch another fistful with your other hand as you fall.

And fall all the way down, watching in horror as the ivy peels itself from the brick walls.

You feel Grim claw his way out of the pouch and onto your face just in time, as you land on your back with a sickening crunch.

"Oh shit," Ace comments, seemingly having been waiting for you at the bottom of the wall. You see Grim flee across the yard out of the corner of your eye, unable to lift your head.

The sound of snow crunching underfoot, and Deuce panting like crazy soon joins Ace in staring at you as you lay helpless on the ground. As soon as he arrives he gets asked: "Are we gonna get Grim?"

"No point, really..." Comes the huffed response; "We were gonna get him to fuck off, and he's fucked right off. Tonight didn't really go to plan anyway."

A boot gently kicks at your side as Ace turns his attention back to you: "Are you paralyzed or something? That was quite the fall."

You open your mouth to speak, but only a cracked whine makes it out. You cringe and try again, but nothing intelligible comes out.

"Holy shit, they're brain-damaged!" Ace grins, laughing as he backs away from you.

You feel Deuce tugging at your legs in the snow, dragging you from your shallow ditch in the snow. He begins tugging you closer to the dorm, before he drops your legs, moving to grab you under your arms and haul you that way, up against a wall. Breaking a window, he shoves you in, head first. The cold floors of Ramshackle are still warmer than the ice and snow.

"Alright. Hey, real quick, can you feel this?" Deuce begins poking you with a wire from an ornament, starting with your legs, and making his way up on both sides. You nod, wincing at some particularly sharp pricks, to which Deuce responds by rubbing the area to dull the pain.

"Can you say where you are right now? Do you know who I am? Who you are?" You nod again, voice stumbling through a pained response.

"Awesome. You're not brain-damaged! You're probably just winded from the fall. Is anything broken? Can you wiggle your fingers and toes? Try twisting side to side. If you can't it means your spine might be broken, and you need a doctor."

You comply, weirded out by the sudden care, but the doctor comment means they will call someone. And that someone will keep you safe, and them away. The pain's already fading, and likely nothing serious, but you could trick them... Deuce particularly seems like a soft touch. You wince as you try to twist, feigning inability.

Deuce makes a worried expression, like he's about to piss himself from fear.

He backs off slightly, giving you a bit more breathing room: "Try crossing your arms and lifting them as far away from your ribs as you can".

You comply again, feigning difficulty,

And duct tape wraps around your wrists instantly. Deuce presses his knee down into your chest to pin you down as he wraps as tightly as he can, while Ace ties your legs from outside.

"This really, really isn't my style. But we've got to get you somewhere that is not here when the teachers come back tomorrow, and we can't have Grim knowing where to find you." Deuce rambles, soaking his glove in a bottle of something, before pressing it to your face. He continues rambling, leaning in closer to whisper: "And I know how this looks! But I promise we won't do anything to you while you sleep. Or when you wake up! I swear! It's all more normal than it seems tonight-- or it can be anyways. And... And if you give me some time, give me a chance, we can even ditch Ace and forget this night ever happened! You just need some time somewhere else..."

The room spins with dark spots as Deuce presses his soaked glove further into your face. He continues rambling at you, while you feel Ace begin dragging you back out the window again. The snow doesn't feel cold this time as you fall into it. It just feels soft.

#my writing!#yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twst #yandere poly #poly yandere #yandere ace trappola #yandere ace #yandere deuce #yandere deuce spade #yandere adeuce #yandere poly adeuce #bug tw #creepy crawlies tw #yandere crackfic #sorta~! It is for sure all over the place. but so is the moive tbh #yandere twst x reader #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #holidays.!

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forestshadow-wolf · 27 days

Note

It’s late but in honour of our favourite holiday (the ides) what if the 141 played assassin and one name gets drawn out of a lot to be the Ceaser (victim) who then has to survive a full day without being “stabbed”. Ghost doesn’t normally participate but his name got pulled so he has to this time. The prize for being Brutus (the first to “stab” Ghost) is deciding where some of the next budget goes, this normally would be fine no one usually stabs a chance against Ghost except that A Soap wants a bigger budget for demolitions and B he knows all of Ghosts hiding spots. Ghost might actually have his work cut out for him this year.

you're late, im late, we're all late lmfao (i may have accidentally forgotten about this)

ooh this is such a crackfic concept and I love it!! i just imagine:

"no. i'm not playin'- "

"'s too late, you are playing now, we've already drawn your name." soap cuts ghost off, almost too giddily.

"i'm not." ghost deadpans

"you are. i am GETTING my budget increase. you have one hour, Ceasar."

ghost sighed exaperated, but soap is nothing if not relentless.

--- the good ol im lazy timeskip ---

ghost himself couldn't careless for the stupid game, but like hell was he gonna let soap win so easily. he only says soap, because he's the only one who literally dropped from the rafters to get him. it was only a experienced skill, and good timing that let him escape.

price and gaz are relatively easy to handle, only one run-in with them, they were together, and ghost was quick to disarm them and disappear.

soap however, knows all the good spots to find him. and he is setting boobytraps, and pulling shenanigans. he LITERALLY caught ghost in a net snare like a goddamn cartoon.... only becasue he wasn't prepared for some loony toons-ass baffonery.

--- another lazy timeskip ---

it was nearing midnight, and he'd gotten off basically scot-free, a few tight situations, but nothing he couldn't get himself out of...

that is until he stepped into his private showers, closed the door, and promptly felt the rounded end of a plastic knife in his kidney.

he whips around, and there soap is, stupid piece of plastic in hand, and wide shit-eating grin on his face.

"you're too late."

"ahm nae." soap grins, flashing his watch, and it showed a crisp 00:00:37, "thirty-seven seconds to spare."

#the ides of march #lovely ask #anon ask #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghostsoap #soapghost #call of duty #cod #cod mw2 #el rambles #john price #kyle gaz garrick

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good-beanswrites · 4 months

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Remembering how Futa said in one timeline that there’s no way a woman could beat a man in a fight and got his ass beat. Can you do a crackfic of the girls beating him up for that?

Ahahaha thank you for the request!! This was really fun to write omg -- and well deserved, there was no need for all that in the timeline convo 😤 He was too busy thinking of leverages and forms he failed to consider the fury of a woman scorned..... may he rest in peace......

Fuuta didn’t even know what he did to earn himself an ass-beating.

“Oh, you know what you did,” Yuno said. She closed the cell door behind her.

Whatever it was, it had managed to anger every woman on the premises. He thought it took a lot to get girls riled up this much – something like cheating on them or calling them names, you know? But without a single action on his part, he found himself facing Yuno, Muu, and Amane. All three had a fire in their eyes that Fuuta was not liking the look of.

Mahiru had pointed him to his cell, saying Es was looking for him there. She spoke strangely as she did it, and waited awkwardly outside as he went in, but everyone around here was a little odd. How was he supposed to distinguish when people were being murderer-in-a-supernatural-prison weird from setting-a-trap-to-corner-him-in-his-cell weird?

He waved his palms in front of him. “Listen, listen! Let’s just talk, okay? Let’s slow down.”

Muu cracked her knuckles.

Amane began rolling up her sleeves in perfect creases. “You have doubted our abilities. We will make you a believer.”

Fuuta took a few steps back. His voice came out loud and frantic. “What are you talking about? If you’re looking to pick a fight, you better think twice, because I’m not gonna hit a girl or anything.”

“Oh, good!” Yuno’s voice was as bubbly as always as the three closed in. “That will make our job a lot easier.”

He felt his back hit the wall. “I mean it, let’s just talk about this for a sec! Hey!”

Mikoto’s voice came from outside the cell.

“Mappi? What’s going on in there?”

“Yes!” Fuuta called, “Mikoto! Help! They’re gonna kill me in here!”

“Oh, no need to worry~ The girls are just teaching him a little lesson about not saying awful things.”

“Isn’t this going a bit too far…? What did he even say?”

“Nothing! Come on, get me the fuck outta here!”

“I believe his exact words were, ‘there’s no way a girl could win in a fight against a man.’”

Fuuta paled. He did say that, didn't he...

“Oh crap. Yeah, that’d do it. Carry on.”

“Wha–? Mikoto!”

He gaped at the three in front of him.

He remembered a hero in a video game who had faced off against an unbeatable foe; a glorious knight who came to understand that he could never conquer the world-razing dragon before him. After giving his all, and seeing his fate was sealed, the hero had no choice. In a manly show of valor, he’d lifted his chin, closed his eyes, and accepted his impending, gory death.

Yuno's gaze was cold as she raised her arms. Muu had a hungry look in her eyes. Amane clenched her fists, her posture perfect.

It wasn’t a dragon, but Fuuta would argue this was a good deal more dangerous. He lifted his chin and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Get ‘em, girls!”

—

Kotoko approached just as the other girls filed out of Fuuta’s cell. They had giddy looks on their faces. They giggled and whispered in a huddle as they walked around the panopticon.

“Wow, Muu!”

“Haha, I didn’t know you had it in you!”

“That felt amazing…”

Kotoko didn’t know what kind of game they were all playing in there, but Fuuta was in for a big surprise now. The fun was over. Today was the day she acted out her responsibilities as Es’ fang. Today was the day she delivered justice.

She swung the cell door open. Her eyebrows shot up.

Her head whipped around to take a look at the girls, still complementing one another and laughing lightly.

Hell, her work here was already done.

#milgram #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #mahiru shiina #amane momose #mikoto kayano #kotoko yuzuriha #and then he dieded 😔 -- sad!#fuuta stumbles out of shidous cell a few hours later wearing the 'im sorry women' hat #as much as i tried i couldnt picture mappi throwing any punches but shed love to help!!#the girls go to john afterwards to say 'hey youre right beating the shit out of someone really does feel like it solved all my problems'#i originally had kotoko as part of the main group but she actually agrees with him in the timeline convo #so i dont think shed be as angry in the moment - though she supports the others 100%#LMAO thank you this was so funny 😂😂😂#i was so so silly finishing up work and stuff and constantly plotting ways to beat up my fave #drabbles

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thebibliosphere · 7 months

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What is the gameplay like on Gotham Knights? I have poor coordination so I have trouble with anything more complex than LOZ: Ocarina of Time. Like, on a scale of Pokémon->Dragon Age->LOZ->Dark Souls?

It's a bit clunky like Dragon Age 2, tbh. Except it doesn't have the excuse of coming out in 2011. The mechanics and camera controls are one of the things that let it down a lot, IMO.

I’m constantly getting stuck on walls and the edge of ledges because the controls feel laggy and the game’s not consistent about which surfaces you can climb and which ones you need to grapple. It's fine if you’re fighting in more open spaces but it turns the timed events into an exercise in frustration. Not to mention the number of times it feels like I’ve taken damage through an obstacle from enemy ranged attacks when my own ranged attacks bounce off invisible walls if I’m not standing in the exact spot the game needs me to be in. This results in me just key smashing melee a lot until every around me stops twitching.

I’m still enjoying it, but it is v. glitchy and I understand why people are leaving angry reviews. Especially if they are deeply committed to the immersive elements and were expecting the same level of polish from the Arkham games, which this studio also made.

I’m just casual enough a gamer that I’m enjoying muttering “parkour” to myself as I accidentally fall off buildings and plumet to my death because my graple hook glitched out and went the exact opposite way I’d been aiming.

I’m really just playing it for the characters. It feels like playing a a game written by people who understand the appeal of found family that went hard on the campier elements of the franchise while still maintaining a decent level of aching sadness for the tragedy they’ve endured.

You can feel the group fracturing under the weight of Bruce’s death with Dick doing everything he can to fill the void and stay positive and “normal” for the sake of everyone around him, including Alfred who is devastated but also trying to keep it together. Barbara, mourning an extra loss, is trying so hard to stay level headed and useful for Dick. Being both Oracle and Batgirl while also acting like a fun big sister to Tim who stands out as really young in this iteration.

Sure he’s a kid genius, but he’s also only 16 with a monumental caffeine addiction (you can’t tell me all the energy drinks on the shopping list pinned to the fridge aren’t for him) and mourning the loss of Bruce while also just wanting to do normal teenage shit, like asking the group for help with his art homework and being annoyed that his role as Robin is keeping him from spending time with his online boyfriend.

Jay is very raw and angry and obviously processing his own trauma on top of everything that just happened but even he steps up, trying to be there for Tim, teaming up with Babs to gently pick on Dick when he’s being particularly Boy Wonder-ish. Seeing him stress cook is also a nice added touch as are the photos of him and Bruce working on stuff. Bonding.

Which is another thing I Love. From what we see of him, Bruce is in his absolute DILF element in flashbacks and in recordings. All sad smiles and a gentle, head-shaking tolerance for the absolute ribbing the kids put him through for being too serious and neglecting himself. Not to mention all the pictures of him with Dick and Tim and Jason. And so many of him and Alfred and Ace. (The one on the fridge of him and Alfred showing them adopting Dick at the courthouse almost killed me. They all looked so young and happy.)

I’m getting serious “Bruce is a good dad with a warped sense of humor who hugs his kids and spends quality time with them, actually, and you’re wrong if you write him otherwise” fanon vibes, and that's honestly my favorite Bruce.

It’s basically appealing to everything I love about the franchise while scratching an itch in my brain the way crackfic taken seriously does.

And that’s enough to make me forgive the bad controls and glitches. But I could see it not being enough for some people, especially if you’ve already got poor hand eye coordination. Which I do. But again, I don’t really care about being good at games. I’m just dicking around and having fun wringing dopamine out of the narrative.

#gotham knights game

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