#they make u suffer by loneliness if that makes sense

[cirrateeb]

omniscient reader’s viewpoint is one of the most heartbreaking novels ive ever read genuinely the only book ive cried over i would highly recommend if u can get through 551 chapters

#might delete later #hehe i changed my user too #ANYWAYS #i dont think i could ever explain it properly u have gotta read it to really feel it #theres like little death of the mcs #it just hurts so much bc #they make u suffer by loneliness if that makes sense #like the mc has the potential of being happy or choosing smth else #but has to either sacrifice or kill himself bc he thinks he doesnt matter to his companions #or bc its for the better of his companions #and it hurts so much #like imagine having a friend group and youre involved but more so as an outsiders perspective #and bc ure only looking through an outside lense u dont realize how much u matter to them #so u disregard urself for their happiness #but doing that makes ur friends suffer at the same time #thats what orvs like

[prettyboykatsuki]

anytime u mention zhongli my cerebellum lights tf up. speak into the mic, beloved 🎤

✮ tags ; hard incest, dubcon + noncon, penetration, fem + afab!reader, 18+ and dead dove please read at ur own discretion!!!

also this is not genshin canon it is canon adjacent. its p short also.

✮ wc ; 1.3k

✮ a/n ; honestly this is not even gross as much as its deeply uncomfortable akjdsjk. dadcest romance edition but reader is so perpetually suffering

this takes place in the same universe as this fic between old god!zhongli and daughter!reader. it wont make much sense w out having read that

It's the tenderness that nauseates you most.

Or maybe the fact it doesn't nauseate you in the way you wished it would. The numbness is upsetting in it's own right. You are so detached from your beloved Archon that him being your flesh and blood is at the bottom of your problem.

More troubling is the fact his desire to monopolize you has evolved into something much greater.

Your father never tells you he loves you. You hope he never does. You think of it some grand irony if he did decide on romantics after everything that happened between you. He is a poised man, and he's troublesome. He talks with lithe and great self-confidence, and even more he loves to correct people.

Assuredly, his pride means he will never tell you he loves you. He won't utter the word, won't clumsily confess it as if everything is sane and sensible.

But, he's tender towards you. The habit has worsened since the first time he laid his hands on you. Split you open on his fingers while you whimpered out in desperation, clawed nails and archaic forms cinching around your waist and entrapping you.

He touched you, because you are his. You are his flesh, his blood, and his so distinctly. He is the God that wills it so, and so it will be written long after you die.

(You wonder if that will make it into the stories in the long after. You are half-blooded, and Father is bound to outlive you. But someday, he too will die, the kingdom will only remain in memory and parchment stained with ink.

What will they say then? Zhongli the Archon, and the only daughter he left alive? They will assume he loved you, then. You don't want to know if he loves you now)

He took few of your firsts, plucked them and kept them safely in the blackened skin of his palms and fingers. His, forever unto eternity. Marked with scent and pressure for the rest of your life.

You are a clever enough girl to know that Archons are not moral beings. They're intelligent animals, debauched. Some small part of him had hoped that your firsts were all he wanted. Stake his claim and discard you. Toying with you is an incomprehensible mercy.

But Zhongli is an old Archon, with refined tastes. He does not partake in things lightly, though he may lay with so many. Certainly, if he will something as his he wills it completely. The concubines in the palace view this as lucky.

For you it is nightmarish. The truth of the matter is this: your father will never tell you that he loves you, though he does in the most twisted sense. And your father, does not plan on abandoning you a second time. He does not plan to discard you, or only call you to lay in his bed and take pleasure from you.

You are, against all odds, his beautiful little girl. His godling, unrefined and unruly and his. The amber of his gaze comes alight for you. For a man who has never loved in his life, you are the closest he has to the feeling.

Your loneliness doesn't subside, with him or without. Some days though, you are able to forget he is your father so completely - it doesn't make you sick to spend time with him.

Most days, all you can do is remember. Most days, like today, you're called into his office. The door latches, and no one is allowed in. Sometimes, you accompany him in silence as he works.

Other days, like this one - he touches you. With the same romantic innocence that keeps you awake in the night, turned with your own disgust. A hand on the waist or lower back, a kiss (always on the mouth) or a nudge. The grief of your very existence allows him in, despite the small voice in deep in your mind to be let out. To pick up the bottoms of your long robes and run and run and run until you have left everything behind.

Today, in particular, something you said had swayed him. He was more demanding, more possessive, more tender in some ways. What it was exactly remains a mystery.

But it was enough to topple him over some imaginary edge.

So you're here with your legs on the edge of his desk, naked with your arms around his neck - and entirely conscious about the drag and weight of his cock against your cunt. You make a noise, so soft and girlish you want to throw up, and tuck your face against his neck as you heave.

He's big. Too big. Of course that'd be the case, half-dragon and half-man, but all Archon. Your body trembles as the weight pushes against you.

"There's nothing to be fearful of," He says, delicate as he hovers of you. Long strands of hair brush against your shoulders as his face gets close with yours "I would never make you suffer half-heartedly."

"But you would make me suffer all the same."

He smiles at you like he's proud, and you can't be sure if you're hallucinating it. You're sweating from all the prep work, from his fingers that stretched you wide enough to ache. You can feel it, feel the tip of his...cock against your hole. It is terrifying but you're wet. Responsive. He's made you this way with his other less innocent half-touches. There is nowhere to go.

He meets you with baffling affection. Kisses you forcibly and wraps his hand around your nape with your body as close as possible. It's a barely there distraction from the feeling of his cock entering you, taking you. It is unceremonious, and he is too big, and you are nearly so lost you aren't sure where to return.

He grabs your hips, and he eases himself into the tight, wet heat of your cunt. Unexplored once, now marked as his. His voice is warm against the shell of your ear.

"How does it feel?" He says, and his voice is pitched with what you can only describe as amusement. You want to cry. He always seems to incite tears in you "The very thing that made you connects with you again. It belongs to you as much as you to me."

If he was capable pageantry, you're those words would've been some kind of confession. Your heart sinks, your stomach forming a pit so dreadful. You cling to him closer even though it's not what you want to do, not really - and you moan like an animal that's been lashed with a whip

Too much too fast, you whimper noisily. You don't know what to do. He's taken this from you, too - like you predicted he would so long ago. Yet it stings, and it stretches and it aches. Stirs some cross between resentment and loneliness and makes you feel like you can't breathe.

You aren't sure what to make of it. That he's made you this way. Through neglect then affection, carved you down to your bones to remember that you're like him. He's part of you, even until death.

It's like the reality finally settles, and when it does - the man who's your father and the god that oversees everything has slaughtered every remaining edge. There are no borders or restrictions between you now. Just black-nailed claws ripping the heavens apart at the seams.

Yes, it is the tenderness that frightens you most. His cock sinks deeper and deeper, and when he bottoms out - he cradles you in his arms and showers you in attention. He gives himself to you. It occurs to you this slow destruction is also a kind of love.

You are so clueless a girl. You've forgotten such a simple truth.

Archons hold the most terrible grudges, and your father the most petty kind.

"You're a terrible man," You say, weakened and dizzy and still holding on "I'll never love you as much as Papa."

He stiffens. He grips tight, and thrusts and you remember.

You were talking about your papa.

He fucks you again, harder this time and punctuates the words with a a chuckle. He likes being tested.

"I'll make you love me. Just as I've made everything else of yours mine."

#return to sender #incest cw #noncon cw #dubcon cw #dark content cw #writing tag #this is short i think !

[amoneki-ramblings]

oh and also idk if the amoneki blog is the place to ask but can u tell me about ur opinion of eto :]

OH HELL YEAH !!!! I should've clarified, I'm cool with asks for anything/anyone, unfortunately I might not have as much to say for some characters/ships since. I'm still getting through the manga orz but I'd down to discuss anyone!!

Also sidenote but thank you for sending two asks?? I'm answering this one first since the amoneki ask will take me. A while. But also I read this and immediately went "eto !!! eto holy shit it's her!!" so I must get the energy out (and hope it's coherent)

How I feel about this character:  Goddd Eto is so fucking Cool as a character. She has so many things I absolutely Love in one character. She's an absolute monster in terms of power, eldritch-like, she is a horror beyond anyone's comprehension and I love her so much for that. When she made her first (I think) big appearance in :re (Volume 5. The Kanae Scene) I loved her sooo much more I love her fucked up-ness, I love her Apple and God Thing and 'breaking down people's idols and becoming their god' because I Love religious symbolism. She's so ominous and formidable and she has such a fucking presence, it's amazing, yet at the same time we still see the same loneliness in her that's prevelant in the majority of Tokyo Ghoul, but maybe even moreso. Throughout the series it's shown how important parents and family are and how they've shaped the characters and give them drive (especially considering almost nobody has both parents. alive, and it effects everyone So Much it's a constant theme.) And obviously Eto couldn't really. Have that. At all. And it fucked her up definitely. The loneliness is overshadowed by. The Monstrosity (which makes sense of course, because that loneliness also brews Hatred for the world) but it also cuts through in things like her writing as Takatsuki Sen (which Kaneki obviously picks up on and relates to), the way it shines through when she's able to deconstruct others' desires and wills and suffering (after all, one must experience suffering themself to truly understand someone else's), and the slight respite with Aogiri (man. I wish to know more of her dynamics with the members/executives so bad) god I love her so much, she also has such a cool character design I'm in love with it, I can't wait to see her even more in :re.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:  Hmm since she hasn't made too many major appearances with individual characters so far none really yet? However I feel like I may grow very intrigued in etoken, two people that share loneliness, they're also a little fucked up I think they could be interesting together (I'm certain they're gonna interact more later also i've seen. the eyeball scene (on accident) and honestly yeah that's my kinda Weirdness))

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Again I want to see more of her appearances/interactions with others more first !! But I'd honestly be happy just to see her interact with the other Aogiri executives more, it's pretty entertaining and it's definitely my kinda thing

My unpopular opinion about this character:  I guess I wouldn't really know if anything I thought is considered unpopular haha, I just kinda like her all around okay?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Well, currently I just want to see her more in general, although I think seeing more of the ways she can totally screw with people would be great, she is so Psychological Horror and I fully support it

my OTP: Again, none yet but there may be Something on the horizon

my cross over ship: Honestly I don't really have any crossover tg ships

a headcanon fact: I am taking this opportunity to increase the religious undertones tenfold. She can pull out So many bible references on the fly (that a lot of people probably don't get) and definitely weaves them throughout her writing (Kaneki canonically knows things from the bible, more than the average person at least, so he would absolutely pick up on them). I think she'd have some very interesting thoughts about the bible and what it says about humanity and the idea of God itself, and she definitely owns one somewhere

Hopefully that wasn't too long orz Anyways yes I see Eto in my inbox and I jump up and down in excitement I don't have a coherent list of favorite characters but she is definitely Somewhere in there and I'd let her rip my limbs off anyday Eto my beloved

#asks #ipsen #tokyo ghoul #tg #eto yoshimura #yoshimura eto #i told myself this would be so much shorter to answer which is why i tackled this ask first but it's been like 40 minutes. oh boy #any character that has a lot of religious undertones immediately gets bonus points and bias in my book #(you'll never guess what other characters i like) #anyways eto has so many small details and layers to her and they're sad and lonely but also fucked up and angry #and it's everything i could ever want in a character #absolutely amazing splendid i am such a fan

[americanrecord]

u totally should nott have told me u like answering these kinds of questions lol bc u set me offff 😭 i just have so many!! like this rewrite is genuinely the thing i’m most looking forward to and i’m not kidding))) since we’ve already talked abt the boys..fuck the boys…the girls are where it’s at!! inez and val’s relationship, is it gonna be any different? how are the altered personalities going to mesh/interact? so fun! love, always

omg girl, that's what i used to all day, everyday, on my old blog until like the beginning of this past summer! i love talking about the writing, characters, etc <3 and it always tickles me to know that people care enough to ask. i do feel like i know enough about my universe at this time to answer most things too, whereas a lot used to be shrouded in mystery back on the other side of things.

but, anyway, fuck the boys fr. this is true, i only care about the girls. as for inez and val's relationship, it's not too different. i would say they actually retain some of the most similarities. the plot rises and falls the same way for them in book 1 as it did with the og. but their dynamic is a bit different. firstly, not that it impacted too much, but i did drop valerie's old crush on inez, solely because i didn't really want to have two pairs of best friends with romantic (requited or not) history. it would feel repetitive and not as special, and dean and lex's past relationship definitely impacted an overall plot to a greater degree. so that "having a crush on inez" void in val's past was just filled by an ex-gf who's mentioned from time to time and may or may not make an appearance later on.

other than that, let's see...

well, firstly, inez does gain what i believe was my biggest grievance with maintaining the character of jill: a backbone. she retain's jill's know-it-all sense, but it's infused with a certain confidence (stubbornness) that jill lacked. she doesn't keel over when told, and while still a kind-fronting person, she does have that mean streak that is backed up by her ability to hold her own. it just makes her more of a difficult presence when valerie and lex get going, because she not only objects, but really means it (there is also a bit better of context surrounding her feelings on lex) and pretty much does everything in her power—too much—to try and interfere with their relationship in the name of "knowing what's best for valerie." and we all know how valerie feels about people who think and act like they can make decisions for herself better than she can.

valerie, on the other hand, has softened a considerable amount. i really liked where she ended up toward the end of the original work, where she was very sensitive and introspective, so i sort've worked my way back and implemented this from the beginning. i thought it was much more realistic a characterization for somebody with her type of trauma, and it's also in line with her [currently undiagnosed] OCD, which in general has her pretty tense and vigilant at almost all times. her obsessions and compulsions mostly start out revolving around the fear of contamination, and that combined with her deadly catholic guilt just keeps her very particular and maybe not the easiest to get along with unless you're willing to put the effort it. not many people are. inez is one of those people, however, so she's quite protective over her and is very in tune to all of her various needs, maybe to the point where she's not ready to accommodate the idea that somebody else is also down to be the same. valerie also suffers from chronic loneliness due to her night shift and initial isolation from the music sphere, which inez does not (she's friends with everyone in the band and even other bands sans lex at the story's start), so that also contributes to their eventual explosion. valerie is lonely and finds lex/wants connections beyond the one she has with her best friend, and inez is super protective over her and doesn't realize that she has what valerie wants (romantic/sexual/platonic connections galore). i think it makes sense that valerie ditches the moment she senses that rapunzel/mother gothel thing she felt with her mother with inez.

THAT being said, they're still besties despite their clashing work schedules, and they do recover by the end of the story. details to be seen in the story itself... <3 i mostly think these character differences make so much sense and still thankfully create a similar dynamic. valerie spent her whole childhood being repressed so that she's sort of internalized that docility and struggles to like, break from it? which is what makes lex so exciting, and then inez—who, while free of a traumatizing childhood, did grow up with four other siblings and was frequently talked over/reduced to the "baby sister" so that she wants to make sure her voice is always heard and essentially does just that. whether or not she's right isn't always what's important (sometimes she is), it's just that she can be a bit stifling with valerie's freedom in book 1, which is a lesson she has to learn. (where valerie then has to learn that sometimes people looking out for you has a purpose and they're not just doing it to do it.)

see, the best thing about rewriting is having the whole story in ur head already so that you're not just sorta winging it as you go and hoping the pieces connect. now, i can actually defend the plot and the characterizations, and they feel so much more cohesive! i love them, and i love their new versions more than i do their ogs <3 they feel even realer.

so, thanks for asking! and please know that i will accept every question always. i clearly love talking, and i love distractions from my boring ass internship even more. also -- if beta-reading the rewrite is something you're interested in, let me know! it would probably be the quickest way to see it because who knows what the battle of publication will look like! just message me or something if so <3 i think i have room for one more!

#i love them fr #✻ — valerie & inez. #☘︎ — q&a. #✉︎ — confessions. #octavia

[aroaceconfessions]

im feeling kinda bad rn, so imma just, vent in here a bit

so, last winter vacations i discovered i was aroace, and it has been one of the coolest things that has happened to me, because everything made so much sense, and i felt so, so happy to know that my experiences were not weird or unique to me, and now that i knew, i could change my life for the better.

I was so excited to share this with my friends, and to be able to explain on detail why this made me so happy, and how did i experienced life.

then i got scared, cuz some of my friends have done stuff that, in retrospective, was aphobic, and it hurt me then, but now knowing all this new stuff about myself, hurted more

so, i decided i was coming out just to a few, and i had it all planed

the first girl to who my came out wasn't as intended, but it was okay. She is my best friend, and during vacations she gets depressed, and that day she was feeling awful, she felt like she was going to suffer from the loneliness she felt on that moment all her life, because she has never had a good and genuine romantic relationship.

so i was talking to her, and trying to make her feel lovable, i said all the things i found cool about her, and how she was such and important person for me, and that i loved her a lot.

then she said something like "yea, but it's not romantic love :/" and, i wanted to make her feel like other kinds of love are important, and that romance isn't everything in life, that she could be happy even if she didn't have a romantic partner.

(all of this without making her feelings less, i also told her that she is a big deal, and that anybody would be lucky to date her, and that someone eventually was going to)

so i came out to her, in a "there's a lot of people that are full without romantic and sexual love, so you can be full too, and then when you get a romantic partner, you will be happy and with a plus, like putting glitter on a cool drawing!"

it went well, and im happy i came out to her

but the other times were not so great.

the other times i wanted it to be about how i felt, i wanted it to be kind of special to me (ofc not saying that i was disapointed that the first time wasnt about me, i just wanted at least one of the rest to be how i wanted it to be)

so i decided trying different stuff each time. like coming out with a joke, an sticker, i was going to fucking paint an As card of the asexual colors, i was going to wear a black and a white ring, i was going to do a lot of cool stuff

but i wanted to test the waters with another friend, to see if some of them even knew ace existed

and, uh, i picked her because she was openly pan, and she felt safe, and wow, she is the one that says the most accidental aphoboc stuff out of all my friends

but i'll get to that

first, i had a bunch lf conversations of me trying to get her to understand what i was saying, and i was so fucking obvious but she just, didn't get it??

I- okay, once we were talking (with the first person i came out to btw) about their past crushes and such, and she asked for mine, and i said "oh, i havent have one, i dont really get those feelings"

and it became a very awkard me-trying-to-explain-that-im-aroace and-she-didnt-understanding-me conversstion, and my other friend jus sat there watching (that last thing was okay tho, she was still kind of down)

so i let it be, and tried to come out to another friend

this one was with a joke, and it was both great and awful

It was something like

*she making a pan joke about how she plays for the other side*

*me making a joke about how i dont have a side*

she: *inmediate understanding that im ace*

And we didnt talk about it, of how i was aro as well, because another friend arrived and aaaaaaaaa

im so mad about it lol

The next one was a f u c k i n g a c c i d e n t

A friend i was so not coming out to made a comment about a classmate being ace, and i said, damn same OUT LOUD, WHEN I THOUGHT I DID THAT ON MY FUCKING MIND

only she and the first friend i came out to where there, but it was a "oh shit" moment, i fucked up so badly

she saw my oh sit face, and said that it was okay, that she was demiace

and then there's the weird stuff

i told ALL my friends how cool it was that on a bday party with middleschool friends, they all acted so normal about me nlt having crushes, like "ah yea, we know u havent ever had one :)", cuz it felt so nice

and i thought it was not going to click to them that i was aroace just because of that one random story i told them because

a) they were d e n s e, like the second girl i tried to come out to, i had already been making subtle jokes about my aroaceness, and NO ONE UNDERSTOOD, and i counted with that everytime i did a joke. i did them carefully, not wanting to out myself, but enjoying my recently discovered identity

b) i phrased it so carefully and casual, and we changed the topic so quick, and no one asked me anything or gave any sign of have just witnessed someone coming out to them

but like, a week later, they all knew?????

and they didnt said anything to me

they just

knew

and somethimes they'll just trow a joke about my aroaceness and i'll be like ???????

for example, there was this time they were talking about crushes and one of them said something like "jaja [my name] is inmune"

and ??????

hello????

how do u know that????

I'm 80% sure the friend i came out on accident outed me to all my friends

and that they talked about me behind me, asking the questions i had the right to answer, but instead they'll just, speculate or something

and it sucks, mostly because i didnt got to explain my boundaries, and they are so fucking open about it

at this rate, im surprised the entire school doesnt know!

and a bunch of sruff that msde me uncomfortable (aka: how i didnt get to talk to them about how much they hurted me when they pressured me to date this guy, how they'll bring their partners to hang outs even if the partner wasn't invited, how the ones with a partner would kiss infront of me, how i felt i was less important that the partners even if we had been friends for way longer than the time they knew the partner, stuff like that)

just, hasn't changed, because i never got to talk about it

and now i wish i just came out to the first friend, and i wish i could made them forget

specially since if i got a partner now (a qpp is what i want, but i would be okay dating an allo, just, i'd have to explain to them all the stuff i didn't get to explain to my friends) they'll fucking invalidate me, i can feel them judging me and thinking to themselves "oh, she was not for real, she has a relationship woth someone!"

aáaaaaaa it suckssss

i cant even say someone is pretty, cuz i have to watch my steps and avoid anything that might make them think im not aroace enough

im not even sure they understand how split attraction works, im so done

if u read all that, advice is appreciated :)

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #coming out #aphobia #friends #friendship

[urcharactersclasspect]

I’ve also tried classpecting the archons but I’m not great at classpecting lol

Barbatos: heir of breath because he is literally reskinned John Egbert lol but also he is freedom and controls the wind

Morax: not certain yet, I like your ideas of him being a light player! I also considered time or blood I think

Beelzebul: mage of time? She understands the flow of time and has suffered from things coming to an end. Or maybe a witch because she refuses to accept that time continues onward and is trying to control it

Nahida: I haven’t finished this quest yet so I might get spoiled by sending this ask, but she seems like a total mind player of some kind to me so far

LMFAO VENTI IS JUST RESKINNED JOHN

I dont exactly agree with that but thats too funny

Theres lots of “Raiden is time player” stuff so far

The reason I think Baal is a Rage or Hope player is because her beliefs on what Enternity are very specifically skewed not JUST to mean "time passing"

This is something I've found very interesting about almost every Electro user IVe seen the quests of, or know what they act like. Almost every Electro user, as a very skewed, contrarian view of things around them. They often times have familiars, or rather, "imaginary friends" created by their own beliefs and that stem from a prolonged sense of loneliness and almost denial of things, as they desire to take control of reality around them to cope with the rather harsh realities around them.

This is seen with Razor, through his wolf spirit and his denial to properly intergrate back into a society he would normally belong to and his wanting to see only the wolves as his means to life. This is seen through Fischl too, with her Crow/Raven companion and her almost sincerely delusional way of speech and addressing herself, reffering to herself as Royalty, a creator of worlds and speaking boistoriously to a point the crow needs to translate her often. Qaqing isnt quite like this from what I've seen, but she believes the only true path is to a;llow the beliefs and hopes of people towards gods should die out in the modern age. Even Ningguang implicating this would normally make her look like someone kinda crazy and not exactly as trust worthy to people typically.

This gives me the exact energies of characters like Eridan and Jake English, Eridan with his extreme veiws skewed towards joining the enemy being the only way out of the game; and with Jake English's denial and deep seeted need to act like a Cool Movie Guy and be very peppy macho on the surface to ignore the reality around him.

Baal does the same exact thing to absolute extreme. She believes hiding herself away, creating a new version of herself to take over and leaving the rest to Yae Miko and the other politicians in Inuzuma will just take care of the rest will allow nothing to ever change. But she winds up doing this to a tyrannical level. She even tries to create another person out of the hope it will be a replacement for the loss of her sister with what she remembers and believes her sister to have been more like to see if she could create hope for a future to continue as it always had been with her twin on the helm of things, and as a fear of controlling him but having no use for him, tosses him.

Rage however is all about delusional levels of anger and wrath, which given Scaramouche and other facts about Raiden, i dont think I need to go deeper into there but u get the picture. Shes deeply troubled, depressed and resentful of her sisters passing, so much so she would have rather create another plaine of existence where experiencing the real world just doesn’t even need to happen anymore; Shes in denial that “enternity” staying in her world and just stagnate in a never ending place where nothing bad or good ever happens isnt realistic, isnt healthy  and time passing needs to take its course, but more in the sense she just doesn’t want to face it at all, she doesnt want to accept people and things need to change, need to face hardships, and that she needs to accept responsibility for what she herself has done too by being gone for so long. She also has Yae Miko, who while down to earth in comparison to most Electros I’ve seen, is literally Baal’s own familiar that translates her in a sense and knows whats best for Raiden, which she understands Baal’s mentality / way of thinking a little too well. Is still of the belief she can be redeemed even during her tyranny.

I dont know much about Beidou - But shes a Pirate, and I dont really need to explain why this seems like a rebellion out of resentment for how things are and how she drinks and is always a lot less uptight than characters like Ningguang seems like her own sense of Escapism.

[botstar]

Hey, how are you? How's it going?

Well, actually, I stopped doing stuff like that.

Yeah, to be honest, it feels like there's no prospect of recovery anymore.

Please don't ask me anymore.

Regret, estimation, a friendly chat.

Caregiving, pleasure, sharing — I surrender them all.

Yes, that's right, it was completely and utterly my fault.

It's just your typical story.

Wanting to make the plain and simple mine,

I killed the ideal that there's a certain way things should be.

I've had enough but I don't have it in me to run away.

So hurry and fall, even deeper.

"I want to keep living."

Every night, I'm suffocated

By this transparent summary.

The reality that eats away at my lungs,

Irrationality and loneliness,

There's no need to resent them.

They all mean nothing, after all.

We all have no choice but to live.

Hey you, how are things?

Oh, you're still doing stuff like that?

By the way, what happened to that person you were dating?

Please don't say anything more.

The future, jealousy, the sense of defeat,

Wireless, so I can't even hang myself.

Yes, delightful, that was a very touching story indeed,

Are you happy now?

My heart, clouded in pitch black and in pieces,

I disinfect with alcohol and go to bed.

I might as well just become the water of a murky river,

And I'll fall deeper, deeper, deeper, and deeper...

"I want to keep living"

Every night, the future,

The air that I choke on,

And even this flesh that parades as an organ.

Happiness, this universe,

There's no need to question them.

They'll never change anyway,

So there's no need for us to know anything.

"I want to keep living."

But in reality, I'm not sure if I do.

"I want to keep on living,"

Says the sacred text known as my DNA.

Your instincts or your fear,

There's no need to despise them.

After all, nothing's going to change anyway.

"I want to keep living."

Though there's no hope left for me,

"I want to keep on living,"

Says my instinct as it pulsates in a crimson red.

"I want to keep living."

"I don't want to live."

And it's extremely unfortunate,

But we all have no choice but to keep living.

I'm sorry I deceived you,

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.

And it's terribly sad,

But our suffering is the only bond we share.

cup cup what the fuck does this mean are u okay /gq

[menalez]

About friendship with trans people, I'd befriend people who suffer from dysphoria because I suffer from it to an extent. I live in an uber-conservative country, so it's inevitable; a LOT of girls and women suffer from it, even though they do not want to become male. However, I always knew surgery cannot change sex, so I never identified as trans. Living in a conservative country, all my friends are female, and I know them for a long time (since childhood, and only bio women were allowed into girls' schools); had they been trans (ftm), I would've known. Male friend that might turn out to be female? The chance is zero because I don't have male friends. I wouldn't go out of my way to befriend the sex of people who congratulate criminals under posts about honor murder or rape. Openly defend honor murder in front of me. Or type of "friends" that come up with a bullshit term like "friend-zone". Extreme sex segregation is the only thing I like about where I live. Now, had my friends been trans (ftm), I would've known. Let's say there's a 2% chance some of my friends are ftm, I wouldn't care because if their mindset or behavior hasn't bothered me so far, then it's not my business; I'm not going to dump them just 'cause they're suffering from dysphoria and want to transition because they think it will ease their struggle, which is not easy but it's legal; their choice. But going out of my way to befriend people who I'm more likely to fundamentally disagree with? Um...fuck that! I had this mindset in the past and remained friends with my muslimah friends after I left the religion, and everytime they talked I felt like someone was trying to drown me because I disagreed with what they said, but I couldn't say my opinion because that is how some of my family had to flee the country; because of their waste of space friends who wanted to get them killed/arrested. Then, one day, I told the most laid back one out of them that I'm "deist". Yes you heard me right, deist! And she went apeshit crazy. It was very, very stressful and I won't go into detail but the only way I managed to shut her up was blackmailing her back. So from that day on, I've promised myself that I'd only befriend people that are more likely to be similar-minded or at least I will agree with them in fundamental stuff. I'm doing much better since that decision. Believers? People who I fundamentally disagree with? They are my acquientances at best, not friends. Life is shit as it is in a collapsing third world country, and I'm not a masochist to make it shittier. I'm not going to converse with people who are more likely to get on my nerves and try to directly or indirectly insinuate that women here deserve to be second class citizens because prophet said "women are deficient in Intelligence"; or "gendure is innate", "anyone can identify as man/woman" or whatever. There are trans men who don't externilize misogyny, there are! But I don't have a detector, and I'm tired of the guessing games.

I don't owe friendship to people who laugh at radfems who post about the friends they've lost to gendur ideology, telling them they deserve loneliness, blah blah. I used to watch a TRA YouTuber for three years and he did laugh at an online community of "terves" grieving for their lost friendships. If anything I've learned from living in a theocratic country where my blood is halal, is that respect goes both ways. I'm tired of empathizing with everyone. They have enough friends of their own.

i think there’s nothing wrong w a woman not wanting to befriend males & it makes perfect sense not to befriend ppl if there is a fundamental difference in ur worldview. its also why i used to have trans friends but not anymore lol like im open to befriending a trans person if they dont buy into gender ideology but thats quite rare nowadays so realistically speaking its highly unlikely for me. as u mentioned its just not comfortable befriending someone who thinks badly of u and is ready to come after u over ur difference in beliefs no matter how tame. if someone believes im evil for not thinking ppl are born in the wrong body n for thinking transition shouldn’t be the immediate response to dysphoria or that males can turn into women then… let them.. i wont sit there proving my humanity to someone 🤷🏾‍♀️

[the-nysh]

I've had a realization that two things amaze me about Garou's character in manga. 1) how he gradually transformed from a char one wouldn't give a f about (if we forget about wc, only manga - to me, his char was really unappealing in the beginning, like sir u just spend ur time beating up heroes?? okok) into someone that many! readers really care about. How to explain it.. He was almost a nobody, a mere hooligan who didn't evoke any sympathy (at least in me))), but with every chap he became more versatile and boom! in ch81 I read comments like "I like him", "i don't want heroes to hurt him", "want him to survive" etc. And further.. I got a feeling that he's the main char of his story that we witness (he is). Such a twist to me - from nobody to protagonist (kinda).

And boy.. if only you knew who many people (in our universe so to say) care about you, support, admire you (idk if it makes sense lol) (but we know he wouldn't believe it anyway)

And 2) how much pain is actually stored inside him! I know that some people view him as dumb but man he's only 18, he seems to grow up without any emotional support, he had to figure out stuff on his own, no guidance, no idea how to deal with all the turmoil within, how to fit in, his mind is messed up by all this loneliness and.. He's literally a child who doesn't understand why he's in pain. He's come so far, gained so much strength and cockiness ahah but inside him there's only pain and confusion.

I continue to see a bunch of people who only want the manga to follow the wc, to see the evil and terror performed by this char,fight fight fight! but ohh he's much more than what people want to see in him

Sorry for my rant😳 I just needed to put together all these thoughts of mine and share them with someone, or - 🤯

Oho~ :'3c Well thank you for sharing your story! (If you're interested in mine, in how my perceptions of him changed over time, plus some bonus fav moments, then there you go~) Looks like your emotional turning point for him was around the the shed scene too (as it was for many manga readers including yours truly who began watching him with more invested interest), with the A/B hero gauntlet and his greatest test of character at that point - risking his life to both survive and admirably protect Tareo against such impossible odds, where his brand of 'justice' miraculously pulls through...(on towards ever more impressive, escalating heights~)

Looking back, he did say in his introduction how he was here to 'change the story' (and wow how meta that sentiment became!!) 8'D

And oooh how much he's needed that proper guidance, yes. (Bang unfortunately couldn't provide him with what he needed most then.) And an emotional support network he's always lacked (aaa how he's been lone and self-sufficient for so long...and yet, deep down he's still wanted to feel valued/loved/understood/SEEN by others in some way, when he'd always felt rejected or denied of that, cause even when he was a 'good' boy at his best and most authentic, his methods never worked without others still punishing him for it...) To help him process, heal, and constructively navigate all his turbulent emotional pain and internalized trauma/anger/confusion... Instead of focusing all his efforts (and channeling/compensating all his feelings) into gaining strength and the 'monster' persona as quite the elaborate defense mechanisms. :') (Which can also be read as a rebellious message/cry for help & proper attention he just hasn't comprehended yet...)

Til the poor guy's endured almost a lifetime of extreme pain/suffering within a single week of pushing himself to the brink. Hooboy;;; so many of his fans just want him to properly rest. ;o; (And at his young age, he still has much time to learn and figure things out.) That he deserves so much better than to be continually subjected/locked into such a cruel cycle of injustice (esp the ones beyond his control or even his own doing)....that seeing him somehow 'break free' or rise above that, upon his own honest (and true) self-realization and power one day, will feel so liberating and satisfying. :') I truly hope and wish for him the best on his struggling emotional journey to finally discover and accept himself. <3

#opm #garou #oceanfromriver #replies #nice focusing on the good things actually helps #(to ease my stomach from the latest redraw) #and once again i can't help but see those parallels he has with mob's journey

[junova]

↬ 𝐰𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

abstract — steve professes his love for you then disappears for three months. what happens when he returns? 

pairing — steve rogers x fem!reader 

wc — 2.7k 

warnings — 18+ DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU ARE A MINOR, heavy smut, daddy kink, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it), cockwarming if u squint, cussing, angst, fluff. 

[m blabs] — howdy howdy! this is for @chrissquares @drabblewithfrannybarnes , and @amythedvdhoarder​ hoelentine’s fic swap! sorry this is a day late pls dont come for me and i did not proof read this so i apologize for future readers suffering thank u

my giftee was one of the insanely talented writers on this app — @donutloverxo ! hope you like it berry! <3  

It had been months since you’d seen him. An undercover mission taking longer than originally thought left you feeling lonelier to your own surprise. You blamed it how the two of you left things unresolved. Out in the open, all of his feelings laid out on a silver platter for you to take. 

All of it. Steve, his love, the moment of words you’d dreamed of him saying — it was too real. Too unimaginable to believe. He always is. 

You’d never really had someone you who went out of their way everyday to make you feel loved and Steve did. Truly, you should have seen it sooner. The consistency of his adoration and loyalty blew the limits of platonic friendship. Not until, he was nearly crying, choked up by his own words did you realize just how much it ran deep within him. 

The words he spoke to you were still echoing in the forefront of your mind, not letting you breath for a moment. Were you really in love with him just as much as he was with you? It was hard to believe just because Steve was so far out of reach. Especially for you. 

Watching his beautiful shade of cerulean, bright and beaming with hope, wanting nothing more than to for you to see him. Leaving him the impression that you didn’t cut the two of you deep. Your answer was hesitant, full of caution. Exactly the opposite for what he was yearning for. 

Now, just like you had done for the past couple of weeks, you found yourself waiting in the tower for him. You lingered around no matter how many times Tony told you they would let you know when he was home safely. It didn’t stop you from coming, though. 

Even if you knew it would be even longer until you would get to finish the conversation with him, being her helped you feel more at ease. Plus, no one’s besides Tony had the guts to try and make you leave. 

Natasha and Sam were the only ones who didn’t really question it. Ever since you met Steve, you were here so often but they just so happened to be walking down the hall when he confessed exactly how wide his affection ran for you. 

As they watched you linger in the tower, even if the outcome had been different than Steve wanted or expected, Sam and Nat were starting to see just how much you cared for him. 

Natasha was the one to catch you silently sleeping in one of his sweatshirts cuddled up into his sheets. Thankfully, still smelling like him just enough to lull you into a peaceful slumber. 

Then, Sam caught you peeking at the framed picture of the two of you sitting on his desk, the only one which did. Admiring the way you let your fingers drift around the wooden frame, endearingly. Internally, continuing to fight this inner battle within you. 

“If it makes it any easier, I’m sure he misses you just as much.” You peaked up at the tone of Wilson’s voice, making his presence known. He walked over to you, watching as you continued to look at the photo. 

Your smile wide at your college graduation, ball and gown, wearing a dress you knew Steve liked with his arms wrapped around your waist in a truly candid moment, one you’d forgotten about. The picture more than likely buried so deep within your phone with the countless others you had taken of and with him. 

“I wish it did, but it doesn't really. Just wish I knew he was okay. I worry a bit too much, I think.” You spoke softly, halfway speaking to Sam but you mostly just spoke to yourself. “I never knew he kept this photo of us here.” Your touch finally disconnects from the sturdy frame. 

“He really thinks too sweetly of me.” Standing in his office, surrounded by all of his belongings made it so much harder for you to cut ties like you had originally wanted to do. “Really? Couldn’t tell by how he talks about you constantly.” 

“Oh my god, Sam.” You tried to ignore the butterflies erupting in your tummy, but anytime Steve was mentioned it seemed to be an effect he only seemed to pull from you. “What? C’mon, all of us know he was planning on telling you how he felt before Bucky and him left.” 

Well, it seemed the embarrassment only seemed to continue. 

“All of you, even Tony?” You asked him, even if you knew the answer. You just wanted the attention off you. “Especially Tony. Why do you think he’s been more of a smartass lately?” It made sense, but it did nothing to calm the nerves threatening to boil over. 

“I guess I’m just having a hard time believing everyone knew how he felt, but me. I just never thought he would ever feel this way again, about anyone, after Peggy. She was the love of his life and it’s not something I couldn’t possibly measure up to.” You stopped looking at the picture, feeling sick to your stomach. 

“With all of what he’s told me, I’ll always feel second best to her because I know just as everyone else if he could still have her he would.” You saw the sketch one time, when he left it open on the counter. It wasn’t really like you to snoop, but you couldn’t help it one day and you did. 

Page after page, it was all of Peggy. Any feelings you were harboring for him at the time were thrown to the wind. Because then, you knew. Now matter how important you were to him now, you would always be in the shadow of his first love. The one that got away from him. 

“What makes you think that?” Tears were starting to surface and you couldn’t handle it, the worst of your insecurities creeping in. 

“Just ask to look at his compass next time you see him.” But you knew what was there. You didn’t need yet another painful reminder of it. “Why would I torture myself like that, Sam?” 

“Trust me. You may be surprised.” You highly doubt you would be, so why even try? 

The party was in full swing by the tie you arrived. The tower was full with more people than usual as you stepped in, watching as everyone enjoyed themselves. You were hesitant to even come to Natasha’s celebration at all. 

You hadn’t been here since your conversation with Sam. Just a little too worried Steve might catch you lingering in his home and sleeping in his clothes. It was something the both of you did, but now with his feelings laying out in the open it seems so much more intimate than before. 

Just as you were about to head towards the bar area, where everyone was, you left a large find your own grabbing your attention. 

“Hi, sweetheart.” His velvety, smooth voice makes you melt just like it always does. It didn’t register for a second, just who you were talking to and when you did he was in for it. 

“Stevie!” You leaped into his arms, too shocked to mask your sheer excitement as your legs wrapped around his slim waist, letting yourself be caught by him. 

“I missed you so much, honey.” His words clenching at your heart at the endearing nickname. You felt him sigh into you, one of relief. 

“I missed you, too.” You mumbled while you were still clinging onto him like your life depended on it. 

“As much as I want to catch up, I feel like we should talk about what happened before I left.” Already, your heart dropped into your chest. 

“Stevie, it can’t wait. Don’t worry about it. Okay?” You tried to rub it off because even after all this time you still weren’t certain of the weight in his words. 

You let yourself down, off of him, and tried to lead him in the direction of the party but he didn’t budge. 

“Please, work with me here. I’m sure they all miss you and want to see you.” Now, you were just stalling and Steve could see it as clear as day. 

“Sweetheart, please just stop for a minute.” He felt your hand fall as you crossed your arms over your chest passively.  

“Please, Steve.” You pleaded with him and for a moment you just thought he might go with you until those dating words fell from his plump lips. 

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” Those words effectively shut you up as Steve stepped closer to you. 

“I think about if you love me as much as I’ve fallen in love with you.” You couldn’t find it in yourself to move as he edged closer to you. 

“Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much I want to kiss those pouty lips of yours. How much I wanna claim you in every single way.” He was so close to you now, questioning how you were still breathing. 

“Just tell me you don’t want this and I’ll go down to that party right now and pretend like this never happened.” When you were silent, looking anywhere but him, he got the hint. 

You watched as he walked in the navy clad plants with a button up clinging to his narrow waist. 

“Wait!” Even with your heels, you ran to him while he waited for you to catch up. 

“Do you still carry your compass on you?” You questioned him with tears in your eyes he hadn’t noticed until now. 

And it crushed him. 

“Of course I do. Wait...Is this just another crack at how old I really am?” Maybe if you weren’t sure he had just crushed your heart with a single response you might’ve laughed. 

“I know this is going to sound weird but can I see it?” Watching him reach for it in his right pocket, you noticed the crimson blush reaching his cheeks. 

“I just-, how is this is going to change anything?” Watching him as he awkwardly fidgeted with the object in hand. 

“I don’t think it will, but I just need to see it.” He handed it over and you held it for a moment before opening it and nothing could have prepared you for it. 

Well, possibly Sam’s words if he had elaborated more. 

“I-I know it’s kind of weird. I’m sorry I should have asked when I took that photo but you just looked so beautiful like always and I couldn’t help it. I can take it out if it creeps you out too much.” His words trailed off on a mumbling mess as he was afraid he scared you off. 

Even more than before. 

“I thought you said Peggy’s photo was in it. Wasn’t it?” This time you were the one getting closer as you pushed back the wet hair away from his face, probably from the shower he’d taken not long after he came back. 

“She was, but then I fell in love with you.” He leaned into your touch as both of your hands cradled his face. 

“You’re my person. My soulmate. My home. I used to be so angry for so long because I had lost everything I ever loved, but it was all just leading me here. Right in this moment with you.” 

You could’ve died happy right then, because the man of your dreams was confessing just on how much he loved you, again. 

“Steven Grant Rogers?” You watched as his eyebrows furrowed at the mention of his full name. “Don’t you ever stop loving me. Ever.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” He needed nothing more until he was locking his lips with your own. Commanding dominance from the start, causing you to whimper in response. 

His skillful tongue sliding into your mouth, causing you to moan even more when he picked you up carrying you into his bedroom. 

Before you even realized it, he was recklessly threw you on his bed as he stripped himself down to his boxers. His washboard abs and bulging muscles on full display. 

In a flash, he was right back on you worshipping your body, turning you into a moaning mess. 

Hiking up your red silky dress until it rested on your hips, your pretty pussy glistening already and he had barely touched you. 

Without warning, he slipped two fingers into your warm heat watching as your head flew back. “Oh fuck, daddy.” 

The words went straight to his cock as he pumped his finger in and out of you, leaving you begging for me. 

“Oh, you like when Daddy’s fucking you with his fingers?” You nodded, unable for anything but moaning his name while he added another finger in you. You're hips moving uncontrollably as he was eye level with you. 

Using his free hand, he gripped your jaw forcing you to look at him. “I want you to look at me when you come, princess.” With one swift moment, his thumb rubbed over your clit and you lost it. 

Hearing you cry out beneath him as he pushed you over, screaming out his name as he continued to fuck your through the high. 

“I need to milk your cock, Daddy. I need you to fill me up with your fucking cum.” He threw his boxers to the wind as he let you maneuver yourself on top. 

“C’mon, princess. Let me see you bounce on my cock. Show me how bad you need my cum.” You surely didn’t need to be told twice. 

Grabbing his hard cock by the tip, before rubbing over the tip and a few times before letting yourself to sink down until you bottomed out. 

“You’re so fucking big. Shit.” But Steve didn’t let you take a breather for a moment until he was fucking up into you. Letting you know who was in complete control. 

Until your hands found his hips and you used all your strength to pull almost all the way off of him before sinking roughly on his cock. 

“Shit, princess.” As you whimpered you pushed yourself to bounce on his cock, no matter how much pain came with pleasure.  

“Look at those tits, princess. You’re so fucking hot fucking yourself on Daddy’s cock. Such a good girl.” But then he flipped over pulling himself out of you before manhandling you on all fours. 

Smoothing a hand over your spine, “You’re being such a good girl for Daddy. Let me take care of you.” Wrapping his hand around his thick, cock before finding your slick lower lips. 

Rubbing the tip of cock along your folds, watching your body tremble before him. “Daddy, please.” You whined like a spoiled brat, begging for attention. 

He’d break you of that later. 

But now? He cock was practically dying for a release. 

He slowly pushed himself into you, watching as your ass inches towards him more. Then, he was slamming himself into you so roughly you couldn’t fucking breathe. 

Grabbing you by the hips, he fucked into you like his life depended on it. Admiring you as you took everything you gave him. The second climax hits you more quickly than you thought. 

Steve grabs wraps his arm around you, pulling you up with his cock still thrusting up inside you — chasing his own high. 

“I’m going to need you to cum with me, princess.” As he fucked into, your chest against his own and as you heard the slapping of his balls hitting your ass. 

“Daddy, I can’t. It’s too much.” You shook your head, but he wasn’t taking no for an answer. 

“Milk me, Sweetheart. I’m dying to fill you up baby. Let me cum in this tight pussy.” His fingers finding your clit, sending you over the edge. 

“Yes. Jesus Christ. Don’t fucking stop.” He continued to fuck you senseless as you came. 

“Shit, baby girl. I’m cumming.” Slamming himself hard than before as continued to fuck you into oblivion, his seed filling you up until you the both of you collapsed falling into his soft sheets. 

The two of you just stayed there for a while with his cock buried deep beneath you. Soon, enough he pulled out leaving you empty. 

He jumped out of bed before comping with a wet rag to clean you up, before pulling you into his chest. 

“Okay, I think I might have a Daddy kink.” Making Steve laugh, slightly. 

“Yeah, maybe just a little bit sweetheart, not that I’m complaining.” 

#omfg this is so ROUGH #but i havent written in like 2 months #so at least we did it! #heck yeah :') #chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans smut #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #stever rogers smut #steve rogers fan fiction #mcu fanfiction #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers angst #m.writes #happyhoelentinesday2021

[alicejohnson]

Is Icebreaker for AFTG Fans? I don't think so...

I've seen multiple posts talking about how this book is a wonderful option for people who loved the All For The Game Trilogy and as a -I have Andrew tattooed in my arm- fan, I had to read it. Here's the tea so you don't have to (yep, not even close)

Stars: ⭐⭐

Minor spoilers ahead.

Now, what's the main issue with this book? It's shallow.

Romance? Lacking, no chemistry.

Feelings? Pretty much there, literally on your face every 4 sentences but for no reason. No heart to heart, no comfort, no "trashing the whole room because I hate you all". Nothing just "he felt his knees go weak" 500 times in a row.

Banter? Non-existent (for enemies to lovers? One of the dudes was complimenting the other guy's eyes in like the second sentence)

So basically, the protagonist is this dude called Mickey - a hockey player - who suffers from depression and has to carry the weight of being the descendant from god-like players since his grandfather.

The love interest, Jason, is the self-made stellar hockey player that had a rough childhood and is threatening to steal the title of "ultimate high school hockey player" from Mickey, a dude he supposedly hates because he had everything handed to him since birth.

That's for you to get an idea of what are we talking about, but to leave this as spoiler free as possible, I'm just going to say that I never read a conversation between these two about their feelings in the entire thing, that was not about their relationship (they had one pretty lame one almost at the end and it lasted 5 paragraphs).

Andrew was Neil's rock, and that did not mean they had to have hearts to hearts every second but we knew. "You are fox Neil, you are always going to be nothing" chef's kiss.

In this book, on the other hand, Mickey is coming from a hard night after mixing his meds with alcohol cause he is self-destructive like that and tells Jason that he's sorry for almost passing out on him, because of his meds (Jason is unaware of his condition cause he doesn't ask Mickey why he always looks half dead, why would he care, right?). Anyways, Jason straight up ignores that sentence and dead-ass goes into a rant about a girl supposedly Mickey was flirting with. Excuse me?

That happens the whole fucking book. Is like they are not even on the same wavelength. The contrast between Mickey's thoughts and the rest of the world and his relationship with Jason is so frustrating that it made me want to throw the book to the other side of my room.

And yeah, you might think that's the point right? No bru, cause basically, it ends up in "Jason made everything better for me, and made me want to put my shit together" ¿?¿?

Now his family comes into play too, but you know what's funny? The author wants me to believe that Mickey had a pretty rough childhood but loves his sisters and his parents come to a full 180º redemption arc worthy of the power-of-love-anime type of bullshit. If his family was as the author depicted them in the book, there's no way the kid is as traumatized or alone/isolated as they want me to believe.

Is like the author wanted so bad to make us see that depression can mess up your head enough to make you believe negative things that are completely false (hence the loving family vs his feeling of loneliness/lack of sense of belonging), that they forgot plot was a thing. Another minor spoiler but Mickey basically talks to his sisters 24/7, and his parents are there for him when he calls, but apparently, he is completely lonely in his depression, that no one in his family knows he has it, even when Mickey told us it got so bad he went into the hospital for multiple days? So he talks 24/7 with them and non of them were like "heyo, u good kid?" Yeah right, makes no sense.

So, look it's kinda fun, short, sweet? You can read in one sitting. But no one is ever going to convenience me this is a good thing for us AFTG fans. It's just another cute book, with a lot less plot and depth than idk, Red White and Royal Blue.

Now don't come crying that AFTG is not even good, it's not. I know, but it makes you feel things, this does not. Well, just frustration.

Uff a whole rant but it makes me angry when people compare things I love to things I hate. lol.

If you reached this point, send me a DM, I love you. Thanks.

#aftg series #aftg #icebreaker book #book review #spare yourselves from this one besties #all for the game #book reccs #lgbtq books

[encrucijada]

DISASTERS TO SLEEP THROUGH by ester cuervos

✶ genre: low fantasy, cosmic horror maybe?? ✶ category: adult ✶ pov: first person referral (marilú as “i”, cruz as “you”) ✶ inspired entirely by this, cartoon saloon’s song of the sea but make it dark and gritty??, also taking inspiration from over the garden wall for the tone, unhinged women all around, set in 1986 just because, let us ignore the technicalities of running a lighthouse, i think this is magical realism but i’m unsure ✶ cw: thalassophobia, body horror, emotional manipulation, mental illness ✶ themes: loneliness, family, fear of the unknown, co-existing with the unknown ✶ tone: eerie, isolated, apprehensive, cutting, blue hour

a b o u t : marilú is a lighthouse keeper, has been for almost a decade now. she could count the people she talks to with one hand, one of those being her older sister galatea. the only consistent company she’s had are her dreams and the creatures of the ocean, shadows under the water, sirens on the rocks. when dealing with her divorce, galatea leaves her daughter cruz with marilú until the matter is resolved. to spare cruz from getting hurt or scared, marilú tries to keep her asleep until galatea comes back.

c h a r a c t e r s :

✶ marilú. a nonbinary aro/ace because i like to live vicariously through my ocs. spends more time with creatures than humans so she has lost all her communication and social skills. “do as i say not as i do.” weird girls simply grow to be weird adults. good intentions but bad execution.

✶ galatea. voted less likely to get caught committing a crime. energy of a sophisticated lady wearing a wide-rim hat tied with lace under her chin, having lunch on a balcony in the mediterranean. suffering from older daughter syndrome. gaslight gatekeep girlboss.

✶ cruz. hard of hearing (wears hearing aids). inspired by lyra silvertongue from his dark materials. bratty and feral the way only little girls manage to be. more like her aunt than she apparently realises. hasn’t had a near death experience yet so feels invincible.

aesthetic: stark white lighthouse on a rocky island, a dark blue ocean and a grey sky, houses so close to the water they get touched by the waves, flickering light bulbs, raindrops on windows refracting light, water so cold it numbs your hands when you wash them, charcoal drawings that make no sense, old music boxes, old plush toys with not nearly enough stuffing, something scurrying within the walls, grainy shows on a box television set, the chill of blue hour, the feeling of minuscule insignificance, a beach of rocks and grey-brown sand, phone static cutting through words, cheap plastic signs of corner stores and restaurants lit from within, driving along a long bridge over the water, a massive figure from the ocean depth, the crushing feeling of loneliness, so many thoughts you can’t breathe

playlist: before we drift away / nothing but thieves ; doing the right thing / daughter ; deep water / american authors ; the lighthouse / halsey ; hiding in the blue / thefatrat ft. riell ; my mother told me / nati dredd ; deep end / ruelle ; arsonist’s lullabye / hozier ; made of stone / daughter ; we must be killers / mikky ekko ; bedtime / annie eve ; sleep / the last bison ; shallows / daughter ; city lights / the hollow man ; black water / of monsters and men ; sirens / fleurie ; you / keaton henson ; neon brother / nothing but thieves ; winter / daughter ; home / daughter ; the weight / amber run ; the ghost on the shore / lord huron ; the unwanted animal / the amazing devil ;

#writeblr #am writing #wip intro #( wip ) dtst #pia.docx

[hcgrian]

Everything was okay, when did it go wrong?

Southers being literally soul-connected because of the passing-soul circle and the implications and possibilites it gives - so did they feel it when grian died? did they feel some part of them, of their soul being ripped apart?

did they feel the desperation? the loneliness? when grian was confronting mumbo? did they feel grian's fear? or literally with any other life, did they feel when other was in danger?

But imagine it as the telephone game, the longer it goes on and the longer it gets passed down it starts to lose it's original meaning.

as it went for a long time it went from -we're doing this to trust eachother forever always- to -let's get this over with- all of them are willing to betray eachother, the soul binding no longer holds them back as it used to. As more of them died the soul bonding slowly started losing it's meaning it wasn't as strong as it was. Going from sensing when other was in danger to not caring anymore. That's how the telephone game works, the longer you play it it starts to lose it's meaning and become a a different, new thing.

at the start they could almost vividly feel, understand and trust eachother

then it turns into something like a chore, no meaning no trust, just an empty feeling.

-I'll betray them in a heartbeat- it failed. The trust bond they made no longer works. They all side-eye eachother they don't trust eachother anymore. Hiding everything from eachother, when did this get so bad? How did this happen even.

the cave noises that came from the cave behind the border. The one that grian spent minutes in careless that he was slowly losing health, the poor self persevation skills, staring blankly while your health goes away and you cant breathe and oh god- -grian come back! Stop you're going to die- right, they cared about him. Of course they did they were bonded for life right? He's always cared for until the arrow fires and he falls of the edge.

Thanks @skyduothinker who i writed this with 💖 u are a freak and make me suffer love u

#last life #last life smp #grian #freaktrio writes #kel writes #last life fanfic #the southerns #last life fanfiction #last life grian #kinda grian centric soo idk #sorry for spelling mistakes #thanks jayke again for writings this wirh me THIS WAS FUN

[17tetsuro]

could u do fake dating headcanons where they slowly fall for u w atsumu, kenma & oikawa,, gn pronounces are fine :)

haikyuu boys slowly falling for you (fake dating edition) (gn!reader)

feat: atsumu, kenma, oikawa

warnings: fake dating, abuse of cliche tropes and commas and question marks, timeskip setting because im anything but creative, swearing

requests are open!

a/n: thank you for requesting this!! i hope you like it :D

atsumu

* you’ve been friends with him ever since high school and you watched his career grow

* youre both equally proud of each other n your friendship is built on mutual respect, trust and love

* you basically live in his apartment, with how much time you spend over there

* he would complain 24/7 about not having anyone to go to events with

* at one point you wanted to strangle him for never shutting up about it so you propose you go with him from time to time

* atsumu: “yeah, that was a setup”

* he KNOWS you’re drop dead gorgeous and everyone will be jealous of him that you’re with him (and you also look very good in formalwear, which he very much enjoys)

* and you get to have free food and drinks and also wear immaculate expensive clothes

* so,, you became his regular date for sponsorship events and stuff

* and you never really outright said you were just friends?? so you’re used to the media portraying you two as lovers but your close circle is aware that your relationship is platonic

* everything was going great until one of his sponsor company’s heir started hitting on you

* atsumu saw you flirting with the person and his mind went blank

* he,, he didn’t understand why he wanted to commit multiple crimes on the spot

* bokuto conveniently showed up next to atsumu at that moment

“hey, atsumu? why is your date flirting with them?” bokuto asked, suddenly appearing next to atsumu, which startled the latter out of his thoughts.

a better question would be why atsumu saw red at the thought of you getting friendly with anyone but him that night. he tried his best to keep his composure, but it was hard when you rested a hand on the heir’s shoulder, leaning your head back while laughing.

“atsumu, are you not going to answer me? your lover is-“

“my what?” atsumu asked, attention now completely off you.

“your lover? is that a term you don’t like? i could say partner... significant other... or anything you want, really,” bokuto answered, apologizing.

“you- you think me and (y/n) are together?”

“aren’t you? what, with the way you look at each other i was convinced you two were like... high school sweethearts or something, who hate pda,” bokuto explained, while atsumu’s eyes trailed back to you.

“you think... you think they’d wan’ me?”

“are you blind, buddy?”

you must have sensed their gazes, because as soon as those words left bokuto’s mouth, your eyes snapped towards atsumu and bokuto. the latter started waving with a cheerful smile while the former just stood, entranced by you and your presence. atsumu noticed traces of confusion appearing on your face, and watched as you excused yourself from the conversation you were previously interested in.

“‘tsumu, are you alright?” you questioned, approaching the pair. bokuto grinned and left, which made you even more confused.

“yeah, i’m fi- fine. hey, uh, (y/n), say... do you- why did you offer to come to these events as my date?” atsumu asked, eyes dead set on yours. you cracked a confused smile. you seemed to be capable of nothing but confusion at the moment.

“because you’re my best friend and i hated to see you so down because of your loneliness at these gatherings,” you replied, holding his gaze. “why didn’t you oppose it?”

his eyes studied you and when he saw nothing but sincerity, he let out a loud sigh. this was all very new and confusing to him. it’s like bokuto calling you atsumu’s lover set off a bomb inside his head that instead of causing a mess, made everything fall into place; why his gaze seemed to linger on you more often than before, why he was so eager to choose your outfits for these events, why he went to parties he didn’t even have to attend, why he got so jealous and angry when he saw you with the cute heir.

“holy shit,” he breathed and ran his hands through his hair, letting out a nervous chuckle and lowering his gaze to the ground. “holy shit.”

“you look like you’ve been enlightened, and i love that for you, but ‘tsumu, i’m still very confused.”

“i’m in love with you,” he said in disbelief, and quickly snapped his eyes back to your face when he realized he said it out loud. “i- i mean- i’m not in love with you, no way in hell, you’re- you’re my best friend, you- you smack my head whenever i say somethin’ inappropriate, you keep me from underminin’ myself, you always lift my spirits and for fuck’s sake, please, stop lookin’ at me like that because i will be getting hopeful and if you’re just joking, i will never hear the end of it and-“

you finally hd enough of his rambling and cut him off with a kiss. at first he froze, but seconds later he melted into your embrace, hands sneaking around your waist, pulling you closer.

when your lips separated, atsumu gasping for air after his word vomit and the long kiss you shared, you spoke up. “miya atsumu, you’re a real dumbass, you know that?”

his breath hitched and you kept quiet for a second to let him suffer a bit.

“but you’re my dumbass. i love you, you absolute piece of work.”

atsumu honest to god giggled and leaned in for another kiss, which you gave him without hesitation.

somewhere in the room, bokuto was collecting the money sakusa promised to give him if he got you two to kiss.

kenma

* kenma and you are both twitch streamers with similar content so you knew of each other but weren’t properly introduced

* until one of your mutual friends invited you both to stream among us with them

* you obv accepted

* so during the 3 hr stream, you and kenma were imposters together a lot and had the biggest, most twisted imp plays

* a friendly competition broke out at one point, too, trying to see who exposed the most impostors between the two of you

* your fans ate your dynamic up

* from then on, you two interacted more and started to appear in each others’ streams

* kenma even invited you to his minecraft smp

* you became besties basically

* SO

* all fun and games

* and then a huge sponsorship opportunity rolled in

* and the people at the company assumed you were dating

* uh oh

* you couldnt just tell them they have it wrong bc the whole thing depended on your relationship

* so

* big brain kenma suggest you two start to “date”

* you were against deceiving your followers but kenma assured you you could have a public breakup and tell everyone you were better off as friends

* so you reluctantly agreed

* it was only for two months anyways, what could go wrong?

* both of you, on week 3, in separate discord calls: uh oh, im in l*ve

* you both tried to cope (read: repress everything) but the realization on both of your parts threw your dynamic off a bit and fans have noticed

* so you had to do something abt it

* so kenma suggested you try your hand at a minecraft challenge together

* it was all fun and games until it wasnt

* you somehow ended up flirting back and forth ????

* chat was goin crazy, even in sub only mode

* both of you: ha ha im in danger

* when the stream ended, you stayed on call, because that was a routine you stuck to no matter what

“so... how are you doing?” you asked kenma, trying to clear the awkwardness from the air.

“good.”

maybe you should have taken kenma’s refusal to talk about anything into account when initiating conversation.

kenma, on the other end of the call was anxiously playing with his fingers, trying to figure out if his chat was right, and you were indeed flirting with him. and him with you. god.

“hey, y/n,” kenma said after a while, “were you flirting with me?”

his bluntness startled you and you had to mute yourself for a few seconds while you collected yourself.

“is there a correct answer?” you asked hesitantly.

“yes.”

“oh... uhm, maybe? it wasn’t intentional. or maybe it was, subconsciously, i don’t know,” you admitted quietly.

“good. it was intentional on my part, i think,” and okay, that was not the reply you expected to hear.

“really?”

“yeah, i- i like you i guess,” he said, sounding more confident by the minute. “do you like me too?”

“i- yeah. i do. i like you, kenma,” you replied, sighing a breath of relief. it felt good to admit it aloud to him.

“do you- would you maybe want to come over?” he asked sheepishly, which made absolutely no sense because he sounded so confident a second ago. “we could play mario kart?”

you let the beaming smile you were holding back take over your face. “i’ll be there in 10, kenma.”

“i’ll be waiting for you.”

oikawa

* on god mans hated your guts

* like,, okay, you were iwa’s close friend but you were so annoyingly honest all the time

* it drove him mad

* what also drove him mad is the fact that you loved to tease him

* no matter what the circumstance, whether he was in japan or in argentina, you always found a way to make him blush

* okay so maybe hate is a strong word, because he kind of thought you were pretty, but in a platonic way

* dumbass

* iwa always give both of you shit for not liking each other

* so you came up with a big brain idea

* you: ”oikawa! we should date!”

* oikawa: “what”

* after you explained the concept of fake dating to him and its benefits (which included a staged dramatic breakup, giving you both a reason to hate each other without iwa complaining)

* he was totally down

* iwa, when he first saw you holding hands: “i knew it”

* SO!! thus began weeks of pretending to be in love with each other for the sake of iwa

* which turned from pretending to not pretending real quick for your liking

* falling in love with oikawa was not a plan of yours

* (falling in love with you wasn’t his, either)

* with iwa’s constant nagging of “i knew it, you both were head over heels for each other from the moment you met”, the time for the breakup came quicker than expected (maybe you both had enough. so what.)

* you agreed to do it in front of iwa so he could see it happen

* you chose a mcdonalds parking lot, because then you could storm off and iwa would follow you to make sure you were ok and oikawa could go home and sleep

* maybe winging it was not the best idea

“babe,” you said with venom, “haven’t i told you a thousand times that i do not want to hear about your exes? seriously, it’s like the only thing you talk about,” you complained, as your fake-boyfriend took a sip from his drink.

“well, babe,” his tone matching yours, “i would shut up about them if took the hint sometimes. maybe i don’t like going to the movies as much as you seem to, it’s boring,” he rolled his eyes, subtly glancing at iwa, who looked very uncomfortable third wheeling your argument. good

“jerk. i don’t even want to go to the movies that much, asshole,” you spat, crushing your empty cup in your hand.

“oh, you want to go to the movies plenty. face it, (y/n), you’re boring. no wonder you didn’t have a boyfriend before me,” he replied and his words, even though you knew were fake, still hit hard and you couldn’t help the tears gathering in your eyes.

“okay, then, thanks for these wonderful past few weeks, so glad you decided to take pity on me.” you tried to keep acting, encouraging yourself with the fact that if oikwa meant what he said, you wouldn’t have to talk to him if iwaizumi finally saw you two break up.

you expected a lot of things, but genuineness in oikawa’s eyes was not one of them.

“(y/n), i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it like that,” oikawa pleaded, clearly forgetting about your mutual goal.

with a mumbled whatever, you started walking home, letting the sunset wash over your face. when you knew you were out of sight, you sat down on a bench and just started crying.

you don’t know how much time passed, but you heard a voice behind you speak up.

“hey (y/n).”

“what the fuck do you want, oikawa? to rub in the fact that my first boyfriend was just faking it so his best friend would get off his back? leave me alone, jerk,” you said, trying to wipe your tears away.

“i- i didn’t mean it like that, please, believe me,” he replied, taking a seat next to you. you scooted away from him. he sighed.

“why would i believe you? why do you want to make up, anyways? this fight was pretty real, no way iwaizumi didn’t believe it,” you sniffed.

“because maybe... maybe i was very happy about the fact that i could be your boyfriend, even if it was fake. maybe i’m in love with you,” he said softly, leaning towards you.

“please, stop playing games. it’s over,” you replied, trying very hard to ignore the raw emotion in his voice as he spoke.

“i really am, (y/n). i wasn’t at first, i admit it, but now i am. i love you, please, believe me,” he begged and you finally made eye contact with him. eyes were mirrors of the soul, after all.

you studied his face for a few minutes, looking for anything that could indicate he was trying to pull a shit prank on you, but you found nothing.

“asshole. maybe i’m in love with you too, what would you do if i said that?” you asked, wiping your nose with your sleeves.

“kiss you.”

“do it, then, i guess. but you’re still not completely forgiven.”

“what do i have to do to earn your forgiveness, (y/n)?” he asked and you sent him a mischievous smile.

“take the blame for this whole fiasco with iwaizumi.” he froze at your words and visibly gulped, but nodded nonetheless.

“okay, i will. can i kiss you now?”

you rolled your eyes. “yeah.”

and he did.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #oikawa x reader #atsumu x reader #kenma x reader

[emergingsentiments]

Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha: Episode 10 (Repost)

Loneliness must have drawn you back here, says Hwajung to Chohui. But these could have been words for Dusik and Hyejin, too. The past and current entanglements of Gongjin’s love affairs, after all, run parallel to each other. For Chohui, her mother’s death and her brother’s migration left her solitary, so it only seemed natural to return to somewhere familiar. Hyejin, on the other hand, visited the seaside town to reclaim the memory of happier times, when her mother was still alive. Dusik’s reasons are still obscured but the glimpses into the wakes he’s stood vigil by are compelling reasons behind his return.

Home, as I observed in the first episode of Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha, is where the heart is and the hurts are.

Episode 10 unfolded like the turning point that it is. As the previous chapters tackled the inner workings of all our characters, especially the progress of Hyejin and Dusik both as individuals and in their romantic engagements, we saw how people began to confront their fears. Whether it’s Cheonjae’s anxieties as a has-been singer and as a single father to a rebellious Juri or Gamri’s quiet suffering in her empty nest, the melancholy that undergirds the town’s surface pushed each one to face their scars and losses. For all the comic relief she brings, even Miseon had to brave confusion and rejection.

In this page of Gongjin’s tale, however, the theme of battling life’s greatest antagonist is truest among Dusik, Hyejin, and Seonghyun.

Poor Seonghyun, so new to the town yet so quick to have been thrown into the maelstrom of Gongjin’s charms and tragedies. His greatest fear was being late. He missed opportunities before, including in the postcard-perfect moments of his youth. Always an observer but never the one observed; always watching over Hyejin but always a step behind others in the line. If he were dancing, he’d be out of rhythm, too busy trying to memorize the choreography.

He has rehearsed his lines a thousand times. Will they come out right? Here, Lee Sang-yi gives Seonghyun his most graceful and yet graceless moment. Making an abrupt u-turn on his way to Seoul, he returns to Gongjin — late once again. Hyejin, attacked by a wandering sexual predator in town, has been saved by Dusik. If the shock of the night’s crime were not enough, he confesses the next evening to a Hyejin that had just mistakenly implied her growing affections for Dusik. She’s just had dinner, too.

Full and formal, Hyejin listens to Seonghyun’s lonely and tense confession. Sangyi delivers the lines Seonghyun has held onto for years. It’s a speech marked by jitters, fretful glances, and a slowly growing blush. Once out, he tries to stop the tension by marking the scene as a take. But the clapperboard humor isn’t enough. Hyejin watches him eat alone. She has no appetite.

Hyejin, for her part, couldn’t be blamed. She never really saw Seonghyun other than a senior to be admired. Yes, he’s saved her from a jerk before. But years of absence have made the heart grow duller instead of fonder. She’s also just come from an equally awkward dinner with Dusik, who is celebrating his grandfather’s death anniversary. There is no room for another meal. The night before — the night of the attack — she had slept in Dusik’s home for the third time as well.

At the first visit to his home, she kissed Mr. Hong on impulse and alcohol. On the second, she carried the weight and fears of an inebriated Dusik. On the third visit, she is traumatized from the night’s break-in, so now slips in to Mr. Hong’s clothes and stays over, unable to sleep unless Dusik’s around with poetry. He reads to her...It is my job to fall in love with you while waiting for you the next day. The antidote to Hyejin’s fear, after all, is Gongjin’s son.

But what does Hyejin fear? Well, it’s simple. She fears what she lost — her childhood, to be who she is. As a young girl who lost her mother, she had to grow up fast given her father’s alcohol-tinged coping mechanism. As a young woman, she had to build walls after a harsh rebuke of her lowly appearance. So she covers her scars with pretenses — and fancy shoes. Her clothes are her walls. Her life has been planned out. She steers this career with distinct professionalism and ambition. But it’s never ruthless. A woman-child, her core reveals a soft, compassionate heart.

This is what Dusik brings out in her. It’s not something Dusik necessarily gives. The two, after all, have their losses but they are whole persons, too. Dusik’s unconventional lifestyle and ways have eroded the surface of Hyejin’s fortress. Like salted sea slowly breaking down cliffs. With Dusik, she regains the lost child, the one who laughs when pieces of crab meat are flung to Dusik’s face. If that was Seonghyun, Hyejin would have been profusely apologetic and formal. But Mr. Hong is different. Around him, Hyejin can be unguarded, vulnerable.

Dusik, on the other hand, always saw her in a different light. Carrying the weight of unexplained grief, Dusik knows exactly what’s hidden behind Hyejin’s front. But for all his bravado, he’s afraid, too. The people he loved the most have left him, leaving him with an unimaginable sense of guilt. It’s what keeps him tethered to the idea of boundaries. He only likes Hyejin as a friend. But his eyes, his actions — they speak otherwise. If he admits to loving Hyejin, then the prospect of fresh losses cripple him. He’s an engineering graduate, so he has made the calculations. And yet, this strange woman who has returned from a childhood memory is urging him to take those risks and forget those probabilities.

He took a stab on the shoulder, one that nearly cost his life. Isn’t that love — or even the semblance of it? Why does Dusik need to certify his affections with assurance? Gamri, Gonjin’s wisest daughter, sees through Dusik’s barricades. Life’s brevity, she says, demands risks but most of all, honesty with oneself.

These are words worth ruminating in the evening breeze at the town’s breakwater.

It’s the same place where Hyejin finds him.

After a trip to Seoul to forget the town’s powers over her and Miseon, she realizes the city’s offerings were no longer attractive. Everything reminds her of Gongjin. She can’t stop thinking of Dusik. As a grown-up, Hyejin had sought security. Her instinct of self-preservation made her hard. Drenched in a sudden downpour in Seoul, she remembers her rain-soaked self with Dusik at the beach. It is enough for her to understand.

These realizations surge from Hyejin’s adrenaline-filled confession. Unable to deny her growing affections any further, she takes the plunge.

The child faces reality with simple acceptance. In the presence of a vulnerable Hyejin, things freely move and are themselves. The effects are immediately clear. Like any sensible woman, Hyejin knows Dusik could all but reject him, too. Who drives back from Seoul to rant about love, right? But Dusik understands. The hours waiting for her return were sooner than he had anticipated. But the man had made his calculations. The formulas are no longer useful.

True to himself, Dusik fulfills his new duty. It is my job to fall in love with you while waiting for you the next day. So he returns the confession with the most reasonable declaration: a kiss, first tender, one that leaves Hyejin breathless. He speaks but yearns for more. So he lets his lips touch hers for a second time. A kiss now free from all the tentativeness of the night.

A few weeks ago I read several criticisms about Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha. It’s cliched. People only watch it because the actors are popular. There’s nothing exceptional about a love story.

Cliched, true. But there is a reason why there are cliches because they are true. Do people only watch because the actors are popular? Perhaps. Perhaps not. A love story doesn’t hold a candle to the more intellectual and uncomfortable narratives available for consumption, right? You know, the stories that deal with war and violence, politics and its lack of virtue, the more profound tales that explore humanity or its degradation. But I fear this is an effort to leave the commonplace, the domestic, and the personal materials unattended for the sake of what seems profound. Yet, the production of these “better” and more profound stories does not offer any solace from suffering.

For over a year now, we’ve been fighting the wrath of an invisible virus. It might even be true to say that for many of us, we’ve lost someone dear, someone deeply loved. If not, we know someone who has dealt with these losses. Given the lockdowns and restrictions, even grieving has been abbreviated. Our reality is sobering. We fear many things. So while I don’t hold it against people to choose the more elevated tales, it would be a shame to dismiss those who gush over a love story as uncritical and frivolous.

Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha resonates with and appeals to many because it reminds us of the things we’ve lost to the pandemic. Face-to-face conversations. The stability of a job. Family. Friendship. The pat on the back. Our grandparents. Our first love. A hand to hold. Dinner with friends under the warmth of incandescent light. Office conversations. Senseless chatter. The thrill of falling in love. The smell of the sea, and the sand on our feet. Our best friend. The normalcy of a leisurely walk. Dancing in the rain. People. Our community. The words we wanted to say. A kiss.

In a world where physical intimacy and closeness are dangerous, we feel our lips with our fingers watching Hyejun and Dusik kiss. And we remember the way we were. Kim Seon Ho was right in saying Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha is a healing drama. To love and be loved, after all, remains the ultimate catharsis.

#hometown cha cha cha #kim seon ho #Shin Min Ah #kdrama #korean drama #갯마을 차차차 #writing #love #drama #homcha

[yellowbluemoonshine]

When akito punched momiji in beach arc i was just simping for her i finded him pretty annoying cuz story of yadada u know so i didnt feel for him n when watching reaction of that ep they were like what did he do to tohru n momiji that bastard or any scene of her and i was JUST simping for her on any scene i was like 'akito she looks so good here *show kyo traumatived face* OMG NO KYOO anyways akito looks good here' kinda feel bad for zodiac n tohru cuz i would be SIMPING for akito if i was there

Actually, i have different thoughts about this. Like i dont care her looks that much, to me, her position in this sitution and who she really is matters me more.

And Akito-Momiji scene. First of all, i dont easiely hate character, especially when i dont know much about them. Also, Akito is 'the villain/antagonist' so as reader, you would expect them to make trouble. (And stories are entertaining when there is trouble.) She is acting as abusive and exchange, she is treated as villain anyway. Of course she did wrong thing but eventually it backfires to her anyway. (And its important to remember that people are capable of making mistakes and later they can change).

I also dont think this is part of her personality, whole reason her acting cruel is because of how warped her personality became. More than 'this is who she is', its like 'she lost her sense of self'. Which is again very sad.

Its not that i didnt feel empathy or sorry for zodiacs or Tohru but more like, i just have more empathy for Akito, her feelings and even her actions.

Tohru, Rin, Momiji, Kyo, Yuki, Hatori etc they all have their own sad stories and have their own issues but why would i be sorry for them?

During the story, they are allowed to healing, spending time people they care about, people are worried about them and empathize with their situtions. Of course, there are times you feel sorry for them but everyone is busy with being happy and idolizing Tohru. Eventually, they have very entertaining scenes and happy moments. Good for them. GOOD FOR THEM. Really. I am glad for them.

And guess, who never has those things during the story?

Akito.

During the story, she was never part of those happy pictures. She doesnt have any entertaining moment. She is constantly upset and depressed.

Oh No, Akito is here, now they have to take a break from their happy moments but Akito goes, they hug each others and continue their happy lifes. Meanwhile Akito continues her sad lifes without knowing how to interact with people, she is dying out of loneliness.

How can i not feel sorry for her when there is literally noone who actually empathize with her?

Lets look at her position.

Almost every day, she is being abused by Ren and has to listen how much her mother hates her and will anyone bother to do something about it? Nope, they dont. Noone protects her when she nees. They only comfort her after that.

She spends most of her times in that clan, she doesnt have interaction with outside world that much, she almost never get out of her room (LOOK AT HOW EMPTY HER ROOM IS) and older zodiac is criticising her, the hell somehow she could change in that kind of environment.

Imagine the ones who supposed to love the most says 'loving her is a curse'. Imagine the most closest person to you is thinking like this about you. Imagine the people who was supposed to be your family is constantly trying to get rid of you, treating you like a curse.

Of course, its understandable, especially from younger zodiacs perspective but that doesnt change the fact that Akito is also suffering so much.

And i think the reason people dismiss this because they think 'zodiacs escapes Akito because Akito hurted them', not really actually. In the past, Akito treated them nice, she silently sit on her place and wait someone to talk with her but noone did. Older zodiacs only stayed with her when she needed. Sh*gure was obsesed with her. Ayame ignored her. Yuki didnt want to be friends with her. Other zodiacs tried to not interact with her. Why? Because she is god. Zodiac were trying to escape her even when she didnt do anything wrong. Again, its understandable from their sitution, of course they wouldt want to have god but think about it from Akito's sitution. How many time she waited someone to look at her, talked with her, she didnt want anything more than this.

She was always suffering and suffering. She hold everything inside of her until she couldnt. Watching her mentalbreakdown was so saddening for me.

Thats say we understand why younger zodiacs didnt understand her but look at the older zodiacs.

Kureno stays with Akito when she needs it. Hatori only goes to Akito when she is sick. (Also notice that Hatori was about to leave at first which is ooof). Like, its good thing that they dont leave her when she is having hard times but being with someone only when they have hard times....no wonder Akito doesnt take care of herself well. After all, to be able to be noticed/seen as person, she needs every day to be bad. Otherwise, she will be lonely again.

Sh*gure pities himself and say i am the most cursed of all cause i love Akito. He seems to understand he traps and harms himself but he never look at how his relationship with her hurts Akito's herself. He is constantly making her inscure and has a big responsible for her unable to trust people.

Story make it looks like Kureno made wrong choice for staying with Akito, even though, if he didnt, things would be worse. And somehow Sh*gure's playing with her mental state is shown as okay which is messed up.

Akito didnt have to break to be able to heal. Akito didnt need someone who will blindly obey her, she didnt need someone to pity her, she didnt someone who will only be by her side when she needs, she didnt need someone who will play mind games with her. She just needs to go outside and interact with people. She nees healing in healthy environment. She needs someone who will love her as her own person.

Not only position of older zodiacs made it sound like Akito cant be loved as her own person, they also acted like Akito's being stubborn. Even though, she was dealing with severe of mental illness. Even though, there is just so many things going on with her.

Imagine she is having bedridden for days but Hatori casually says it, like its normal. Or he says Akito is good at being sick hmmm i wonder why. Or Sh*gure saying that Akito is idiot for not understanding, the hell she could from her position, real fool is Sh*gure.

Etc etc so many things.

She literaly believes that to be able to remembered by someone, she has to be fearfull, like she is so sure that she wont be loved. If this is not tragic, nothing else it is.

Even in that scene, Kyo pretty much stand out against Akito pretty well, especially compared to zodiac. Akito looked so powerless in this scene lol.

Or even her scene with Tohru. Her hatred and jeolousy towards Akito is so relatable. Tohru has everything Akito couldnt have. She had lovely family, faithfull friends, normal highschool life and now even zodiac etc.

This reminds me a story. Just like a kid who lives in streets. He doesnt have family, he is lonely, hungry, wants affection but he doesnt have one. Then he sees happy family in house that looks like really warm. He throws a stone and break the glass of window. Child ran away and family is freaked out but eventually, street kid turns to his miserable life and family returns to their happy moments anyway. Who is the one really pitifull here?

Of course its the street kid. You cant help but envy people who have the things you dont have. You can even develop hatred, its only natural to feel that way. Akito is that street kid. Watching Akito's scenes with Tohru and zodiac, thats what i felt, she was causing trouble but not because for the sake of it, she was extremely lonely and wanted to be noticed.

I am not surprised by fandom's reactions cause many people dont understand mental issues at all. All they see is a character hurting their favorites but during the series, i just saw her screaming for help and being ignored. Again, i am glad for zodiacs, Kyo and Tohru but i always worried about Akito cause she was the one who always being left behind. From beginning until the end, i always felt sorry for her the most. From outside Kyo, Yuki, Rin's trauma looks sadder for others, of course its all sad, every pain is valid but people wont become victim forever. Kyo, Yuki, Rin etc they are allowed to healing and loving as person but same thing didnt happen with Akito so of course, the ones who couldnt have a chance to heal is in harder position than the ones who are allowed to heal. Its only natural that i feel for Akito.

I understand how you feel, anon because she deserves to be protected, loved and cared. They messed her so badly, its only natural to wanting to protect her. She deserves so much better than this. Actually, if she interacted with people ouside of clan, she would change anyway. She wouldnt have supernatural power against normal people, this is why she was afraid of real world and going outside, thats how clan system worked and controlled Akito. She is capable of changing, actually very kind and caring girl, she just needs to be allowed to grow, just like every other person.

And she is deep amazing character who is also related to theme of story so of course, i would love her.

This became my rant but anyway. I love her and she deserves better.

(Btw, i might not answer all anon asks cause i would like to answer to the ones i can talk about/make an analysis.)

#anon ask #sohma akito #fandom criticism #fruits basket #writing criticism