#so u disregard urself for their happiness

[cirrateeb]

omniscient reader’s viewpoint is one of the most heartbreaking novels ive ever read genuinely the only book ive cried over i would highly recommend if u can get through 551 chapters

#might delete later #hehe i changed my user too #ANYWAYS #i dont think i could ever explain it properly u have gotta read it to really feel it #theres like little death of the mcs #it just hurts so much bc #they make u suffer by loneliness if that makes sense #like the mc has the potential of being happy or choosing smth else #but has to either sacrifice or kill himself bc he thinks he doesnt matter to his companions #or bc its for the better of his companions #and it hurts so much #like imagine having a friend group and youre involved but more so as an outsiders perspective #and bc ure only looking through an outside lense u dont realize how much u matter to them #so u disregard urself for their happiness #but doing that makes ur friends suffer at the same time #thats what orvs like

[natsmagi]

hello !! yet another different anon, but just wanted to share this while we’re on the topic of self-criticism - hopefully this doesn’t come off as patronizing, it’s just smth i’ve found helps me as an artist and hopefully it’ll help u :D

i think it’s rlly important to view old art more from the perspective of the feelings u had making it rather than the actual content of the art itself. sure, ur artistic skills have improved a lot over the years, and maybe when ur looking back at ur older work u see a lot of flaws in it - weird anatomy, bad lighting, articles of clothing that don’t make sense, etc (not saying ur old art has any of these i’m just listing examples i’ve had in my own lol) - but u had fun making it !! it’s a drawing of something u loved and still love, and it served its purpose as an outlet to express that love. when people go back and like those old drawings, they’re not seeing it for its flaws - they’re seeing it for the love it represents, a love they probably feel themselves. while it’s good to critique ur own work to some extent for the sake of improvement, people liking ur old stuff is far from cringe-worthy! it’s just someone enjoying something u once enjoyed too, like an internet happiness hand-me-down :)

again, this sort of mindset has rlly helped me personally - i don’t feel as nervous about drawing or posting, bc im just having fun !! it’s ok if it’s kind of janky or has weird details, it was made with love and people can see and appreciate that. nobody ever stops improving or seeing flaws in their work, so its best to focus more on the joy it gave u and push urself towards improvement with the promise of even more joy rather than forcing urself to improve under the threat of feeling ashamed of ur creations

hopefully all of this makes sense i kind of have the shakes rn lol. sorry for the super long ask, i just dont rlly know how to explain all of this in a short way-

hope u are having a fantastic day full of pretty girls !!!!

omg no worries at all!! your message read as very sweet so please dont stress urself out over how u came across!!

AND I DEFINITELY AGREE!! tbh its a mindset i tend to have, but i think where ive lacked is definitely in applying the "im just doing it for fun" logic to past me. i tend to be someone who very much lives in the present and have a bit of a disconnect both from the past and the future, and this can cause me to totally disregard everything about my past self and past work LOL. so honestly having all this put into words has kinda been an "OHH RIGHT" moment for me KASJHFJAHSDKJ

theres also the factor of my audience being bigger now........ im not really someone who likes having alot of eyes on me for various reasons, which sometimes causes me to waver a bit AKJSHFKJH THOUGH ITS NOT THAT BAD. i think most of my shyness comes from having artists i really admire now see my art and im like "FUCK IC ANT HAVE IT LOOK BAD WHAT IF THEY SEE" which can cause me to overthink things But also i tend to forget that those people even follow me 80% of the time. tbh all of my "insecurities" in regards to my art are purely circumstantial and only really present themselves if im in a flustered state, but a large portion of the time im just chilling KJAHSFJKHK

i do also wanna say tho that i think the viewing all art as coming from a place of love sentiment is very sweet........ esp bc in the beginning one of the compliments i got the most was along the lines of "your love for the characters really shines through!!" so to think that, in spite of potential quality, that love is still visibly present makes me very happy.......... Perhaps if u have genuine love for what u do itll shine through no matter what

#Big fan of that “art” thing. Hope we keep it up #ask

[lesbianlenas]

can you list reasons lesbians could break up that are not an indicator they are abusive on some level?

were they arguing a lot? abuse

did one cheat? abuse

did one hit the other one? double abuse

did one cry too much and make the other be her therapist and emotional support? abuse

did one play mind games? triple abuse

did one not communicate well? abuse

act immature? abuse

did one stop showering and act lazy? abuse

did one try to kill herself or threaten suicide or go to a ward for suicide thoughts? quadruple abuse

did one pick a bad career or drop out of college? financial abuse

did one decide to want a baby and the other didn’t so they left each other? abuse

was one biphobic and hated any ex boyfriends of the other? abuse

did one have a homophobic family or a mean family and brought her lesbian around them? muchansen by proxy abuse

happy couples do not break up. a break up means both have traits of abuse. having an ex is a red flag

i think what is the real problem w what u r saying here is that u r applying this solely to lesbians. why is it that u r specifically saying that lesbians must be abusive if they have an ex? why does ur reasoning not apply to heterosexual couples? i think u need to look inward and ask urself why u r so hypercritical of lesbians to the point where u believe that any reason they break up must be abusive. how is one person wanting a baby and the other not abusive? how is someone having suicidal thoughts and seeking help for that abuse in relation to u saying going to a ward is abusive? the fact that u equated someone bringing someone else to meet their bad family as munchausen by proxy is the most insane thing ive ever read. the fact of the matter is that ppl can break up bc they don’t have time to see each other anymore bc of different schedules, one is moving somewhere else, they lose the spark in their relationship, an external factor causes some sort of hardship to one or both of them so they don’t have time for a relationship, they find out the other person has a trait they don’t like, the relationship just isn’t working well, they want different things there’s a million reasons why a couple might break up that has nothing to do w abuse. and none of any of these things u have listed r exclusive to lesbians. and even if someone has one toxic relationship that involves a lot of arguing (not violence) this does not mean they r an inherently abusive person. ppl bring out different things in each other. quite honestly u r vastly downplaying the actual abuse that women often face usually at the hands of MEN in heterosexual relationships to try to say that lesbians must automatically be evil if they’ve gone thru a breakup. genuinely seek help for ur insane lesbophobia & disregard of actual abuse. AND get off tiktok w peace and love.

#like of course lesbians can be abusive. but if u r going to conflate any potential bad things in a relationship as abuse that is unhelpful #to victims of abuse in general and second to say this ONLY abt lesbians when heterosexuals r vastly more likely to have multiple failed #relationships just by the nature of it being easier to date AND the rate of abuse is much higher in relationships involving men #it is clear u r just saying this bc u hate lesbians. if ur the same anon i was right abt that terminal brain rot 🙄 #anonymous #ask //

[berylgrace]

pride.

i love pride. i love queer history and making sure we remember the trailblazers who came before us, the lives we lost, the lucky ones who made it against all odds, the protests and riots and fights. i love the celebration of queer lives and queer happiness and queer art like drag.

but there are things i struggle with too. i started to think that maybe i wasn't straight when i was 13, in 2016. at the time i sort of thought to myself that i was just saying that bc it was cool at the time, everyone was gay or bi, it was trendy. i didn't think much more on it, especially since i had never had a crush on anyone and thus had no evidence for being gay or straight either way. i remembering being heartbroken and horrified after the pulse shooting but i didn't think much of it, or felt like i was forcing it. i didn't feel any connection or community with the lives we lost, i wondered if i was just pretending to.

i stopped thinking about sexuality completely and didn't address it at all, even in my own mind, for years. i think i was maybe 16 or 17, so 2019-20, when i realised. i was in this weird sort of relationship w another queer person that was never defined, so we were never dating, strictly just friends but flirty and romantic and basically all of it without a name (this is no longer happening - for the best jfc). i realised i would never be straight, and despite being involved in queer culture, community and art for years by this point, i had a complete emotional breakdown like i had never experienced before.

i never labelled myself. i still haven't. i probably could, but i hate the idea of it. i hate all of it - the concept of coming out, having to tell people, people needing to know something that has nothing to do with them. i understand how it forms people's identities and experiences and i celebrate that completely and wholeheartedly, but it never has been and probably never will be my way. i won't come out. i can't come out. and i don't fucking want to. even queer isn't really a term i want to use to describe myself, but there's this desperation from all corners that u have to know for urself, even if u don't tell people yet. with this assumption that one day u will.

my family aren't homophobic. my sister is gay and my parents support them. my best friend is gay and trans. most of my friends are queer. it's not fear of judgement, at least i don't think so. it's just privacy. i want to be left alone.

this is all well and good except for the fact that one of my friends seems intent on figuring me out. she was on her bullshit back in like 2020, trying to subtly press my best friend to see if he knew (he does, but ofc didn't tell anything). and she's also one of my best friends but i don't want people knowing. it means nothing. only recently she's started up again, saying how she loves my "disregard" for it and "she's gay and not and there are not", making assumptions about me to another person while at the same time acknowledging my desire for privacy. speculating about me. i have never ever given her a label, never dated anyone, never had any crushes, and yet she tries to anyway.

it's just exhausting. and sometimes it's hard to enjoy pride when shit like this is going on. like - i'm not upset. at all, actually. i genuinely don't feel anything other than like, mild annoyance at the analysing and scrutiny of myself that clearly goes on when i'm not around. it used to bother me more but now ig i'm just kinda tired, in an eye roll "whatever" kind of way.

idk what the point of this is. just sucks that all stories are dramatic coming outs with supportive or scarily homophobic reactions, or life in the closet tragedies. some people are just in the middle. some people struggle or "hide" (hate that but whatever) for no good reason. it's not the prettiest pov ig.

#i just needed to get this out #will delete tmrw lol #txt

[shellxrls]

hi bub, im the friendship breakup anon again im sorry i keep coming up omg u can totally ignore this but i feel like sharing this with u … ive just found out why everything happened why they distanced and tried to turn everyone against me today. they have been yapping nonsense and making up all these bad things about me for these past few months and of course i have noticed, but ive just found out a lot of new things today. they said i was too much when i asked them for help during my relationship troubles, they said i was ungrateful, that i had the worst attitude. i doubted myself to the point where i asked some people around me if thats true. one time they brought my family member up, talking shit about my mom as well as me and thats the breaking point. i no longer want any connections with them nor will i ever give them a chance in the future. i couldnt be happier with my current and honest friends who told me all this, and im so fucking glad the 3 years worth of friendship went down the drain. if youre reading this thank u so much hannah, for bearing with me <3

no don’t worry i’m so glad you feel comfortable enough to keep up this conversation w me bb !!

i’m so sorry they were doing those things :(( it’s rlly unfortunate that it’s been dragged out this long and they feel the need to still shit on u. imo if someone can’t let something go & they have to keep talking ab someone behind their back it’s usually a hugeee indicator of them being in the wrong — coming from personal experience lol cuz i get told all the time by other friends that one of my ex bsfs still posts ab me publicly and airs out allll my dirty laundry and private business (not that i care but it’s rlly embarrassing for her 💀).

it’s horrible that they made u doubt urself & once again from personal experience i can attest to the fact that they’re probably just bitter and you are none of the things they describe you to be, i’ve been gaslit into thinking similar things before and you have to remember to keep surrounding yourself w ppl who truly care & know to remind you you’re never all the negative things they keep saying u are. if they were real friends they should’ve helped you through relationship troubles regardless of what they thought of them, and should’ve been there to support you without a second thought.

i’m so glad you know your worth, and again i’m truly happy you’ve found other ppl to be there for you. sometimes friendships just aren’t meant to be and honestly there are some rlly fucked up, cruel ppl in the world who’d be able to disregard years of close relationships just cuz they’re bitter — i personally choose to view these kind of experiences as lessons & be thankful for the new start i get after they’re over <3.

you’re welcome <3 !! i’m so grateful to have been a part of your recovery and feel free to come talk to me about whatever else whenever u want 💞💞.

#asks.ᐟ ⋆｡˚𖦹 #;anon #;chatting

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

**please disregard this ask if u don’t want to talk about urself thats totally okay!! but,

i’m so happy you had a nice sunday! redecorating is a lot if fun. we never really talk about you on here! tell us about urself! i feel like we are friends atp

thank you :) i feel like we inevitably talk about real life stuff here and there, i'm actually not secretive and the only reason i don't share more is because i still have an unchoice visitor who frequents my page who has gone to great lengths to find out my personal identity to use against me. but the other day i realized how trippy it is that there's people i frequently chat with on here who don't know my name lmao

but i am very bad at talking about myself generally!

[st-hedge]

hedge i need a sign and i think ur anons talking about tattoo au’s is it so i’m here for advice. i dropped out of uni and im unemployed and have had no prospects for almost two years now (lol). living with my parents and thankfully don’t have to pay rent or anything so money isn’t an immediate problem. an AMAZING local tattoo studio just posted an ad for a two year apprenticeship no experience required and i fit the bill perfectly, but it’s 4 days a week and unpaid (until you start charging for tattoos). it’s not something i’ve ever thought about doing but it is the only thing i’ve been even vaguely interested in for years. now i’m not sure if i can make a two year commitment working 7am-3pm 4 days a week, putting my art permanently on someone’s body, or even if my art style is going to suit tattooing. i’m so conflicted. i don’t know if i should just go for it and throw caution to the wind or if i genuinely don’t have the constitution for the position. any words of wisdom?

ps i know that’s a Lot so feel free to completely disregard, but i know you have lots of anons you respond to so i figured i’d put it out there lol

Dude yeah this is a Lot and I’m absolutely not in the position to give advice cuz I don’t know u and u hardly know me and how valid is my advice. But I passed along ur question to people who are more qualified to talk about this and what I’ve been told first of all is that the apprenticeship may cost u money (so that’s something to factor and I do believe u would need to buy ur own equipment) and there is no certainty that ur application for the apprenticeship will be accepted. The studio will decide if u are the right fit for it and if they do I think that’s the point at which u ask urself the question if u can commit to it or if u need to back out. The hours u mentioned appear to be the standard and it’ll be a while before u start tattooing on actual clients. I’ve been told that most people have a second job or go to art school while taking on this apprenticeship and if it’s a good one u will be taught everything including finding ur own art style appropriate for tattooing, maintaining ur tools, how to talk to clients etc. This is clearly a big commitment into which u will have to put a lot of effort and patience since it’ll be a long while before u start earning good money

I don’t know what to tell u dude. I think it’s something u want to talk out with a friend who knows u well, not me. @/anneappelschnut said that they would be happy to answer any questions u have since they have first hand experience of doing an apprenticeship. Godspeed

#ask hedge

[egirlunicornrocksall]

hello darlings,

there's a few things that i've wanted to bring up on my blog for a while now and i'm afraid it's now a bit overdue... but oh well, better late then never - right? ^-^

it's not much of a secret that i <3 tumblr as i'm a rather social bean here. with that being said, it shouldn't be surprising that i receive a large number of dm's on a daily basis. i absolutely adore some of my followers and it makes my lil heart happy to hear from most of u. :') ❤️💜💙💞💖💛💟❣️

but then there's also a large percentage of dm's that revolve around things i don't appreciate:

✔️plz don't send me nudes bc that would just result in me blocking and reporting u. and my sensitive heart doesn't enjoy reporting people, so plz be a darling and save me the trouble xoxo. don't bother asking if i want to see them, now u know. 🤗 this goes for my female followers as well.

✔️don't send me selfies solely for the purpose of me "rating" ur looks/appearance. do i look like a fucking judge of beauty or something? 😂 grow up, my opinion of how u look shouldn't matter anyways. fuck that, be confident in urself for once without needing outside validation. 🌻

✔️if you're a master, dom, or daddy: ur a pretty shitty one if u think it's healthy to constantly push ur sexualness on someone who never showed that they were interested. 😢 i hope ur only like that online tbh and not in real life too.. - and just bc i may come off as a submissive, pet, or little girl that doesn't give u any right to assume that i'm automatically interested in u. that sounds obvious, but for some reason it's shocking to some. :') i'm single and not interested in getting in a relationship with u, bro😘💘

✔️also, if i send u a winky face or a heart emoji in a text...i'm not flirting with u. i think u need to get out of that 'middle schooler' stage of mind, otherwise you'll probably live a very depressed life when u realize every girl that looks at u longer for 2 seconds isn't in love with u. and i want u to be happy boo, not depressed 🌈👍

✔️i'd really appreciate it - like really reallllllllllyyyyyyyy appreciate it if ya'll stopped texting me sexual comments about my body. especially if that's the ONLY thing u talk to me about. like is that supposed to make me wet? oops i guess my vagina missed the memo. ;D i am such a big supporter about body positivity tho and i'm very fond of people giving me compliments since i do love me some affirmation. but don't bother texting me solely to sexualize my lil self, thank uuuu x.

✔️and lastly, plz don't berate me for not responding to ur texts quickly.🙏 that's not a very nice way to be hun, and as i said earlier...i get an overload of messages in my inbox daily. obviously i'm not ignoring u on purpose😂 i may be annoying, but i'm not *that* annoying. at least i don't think so. 👀

thank u for taking the time to read this, guys. i really enjoy this blog and i want to keep it's energy healthy and happy and supportive.🌈 and not just sexual, bc how close minded is that? ;)

you might see this reblogged again in the future, or whenever i feel like what i've said above is being disregarded.

hugs and kisses,

Esther 🦄

(12/10/19)

#esther #she speaks #attention #blog update #update #personal post #personal #:) <3 #<3 #xoxo <3 #🌹 #followers

[mjalti]

miss ana i always enjoy reading your posts about your relationship with your sister because im similar in that my sister and i also have a very close relationship! i come to u today for perspective: i spent my tax return $ on a new tote bag/purse and i was so excited for it but when i sent my sister a picture i could tell from her replies that she 1)doesn't like it and b)doesn't think it was worth the price. Now im miserable bc i respect her opinion so much that im starting to second guess it😣

so i guess my question is, has this ever happened to you, and if yes were you able to disregard your sister's opinion?--

well if you got a prada cahier lion bag in burgundy, ur sister is wrong bc that purse is 1. beautiful 2. beautiful and 3. beautiful. now, my sister and i try to focus on if the thing in question makes the other happy and if it’s at a price that isnt detrimental. if you’re spending 3k on a bag, it better be that prada one above, something of value that you can also pass down along the line or that retains value. if you’re spending ~200$ then you dont “need” people’s approval, u can get something ugly just to get something ugly as a treat-urself day. often tho my sister and i disagree on accessories bc i have Loud taste and she has more understated tastes. i like Fashion Week, she likes weeks of fashion, if that makes sense. But we follow those rules that if it makes the other person happy and it’s not breaking the bank, then we dont need each other’s approval. if my sister sees me taking out a loan to buy a birkin yes she’ll step in and be like “you really need to stay in that womb an extra month, ur not allowed out of the house anymore.” i dont often disregard my sister’s opinion, not bc of the familial relationship, but bc i trust the person she is and the type of relationship we have built! 

if it’s something small, wild out. if it’s something big and you wont use it much and everyone u love hates it...reconsider at that point :)

#qnotqueue #Anonymous

[warmau]

{Special} College!AU Taeyong

major: medical laboratory science 

minor:  mathematics 

sports: tennis team 

clubs: was a part of math club and won a regional competition when he was only a freshman,,,,the math dept begged him to switch majors but he said he wouldn’t be able to handle a degree that made him a teacher,,,,,because schools can be,,,,,,,a mess  

taeyong is like the model student and everyone in his major thinks he’s a genius,,,,,,,,,,,,but in reality he just stays up three nights in a row neurotically drinking coffee and listening to edm remixes of like jazz songs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,like that is the Truth of his college life

was originally going to go into pre-med,,,,but when an emt came to visit and was like “sometimes blood just gets everywhere! and i mean EVERYWHERE” taeyong was like,,,,,,,,,,well he first got out his hand sanitizer and decided then and there that working with machines and in a lab was his aesthetic instead

having random people cough on you in the ER is not

like blood is cool in the study of hematology and taeyong will get enthusiastic over working with new specimens in his microbiology lab

but ,,,,,,, he’s a theory person,,,,,,he wants to help doctors figure out why someone is sick and then the doctors can treat them

taeyong is a-ok being behind the studying and lab work,,,,not on the front lines

which is baffling to most people because taeyong puts effort into going unnoticed but,,,,it’s Impossible to not notice him

even in his lab coat, thick framed glasses, and the usual perfectly bland outfit of black jeans and a button down,,,,,,someone might be like haha what nerd

but,,,,,,,one look at his face and it’s like WOAH WHAT 

and countless times on his way to his internship or when he’s out getting lunch wtih jaehyun and ten people will be like excuse me,,,are you a model? a site model? a idol? are u on some tv show?

and taeyong seriously doesn’t get why he gets asked this so many times,,,,every time humbly apologizing that he’s not the person they’re looking for and getting a little anxious when people are obviously taking photos of him

like the amount of times jaehyun has literally had to get up and sit in front of taeyong so people wouldn’t be noisy is insane

and the amount of times ten has started an argument on taeyong’s behave is even more because ten is always like taEYONG YOU HANDSOME FRIEND OF MINE I GeT THAT u R BEAUTiFUL but WhY DO peOPLE JusT DISREGARD UR prIVAC-

and taeyong always has to calm ten down but all of their friends agree that it’s super weird and gets out of hand

but taeyong is too nice to shut it down himself,,,,,so most of the time he slips on those glasses and a hat when he goes out and avoids looking people in the eyes

johnny once came over to his dorm and was like “bro i got you this wig. wear it if things get too creepy.” unfortunately the wig was the bright color red and mark was like hey johnny i know ur a senior and all but,,,,,,is ur head in the game,,,bro,,,please,,,

is the designated mom of his dorm’s floor because he has evERYTHING on hand from extra chargers, to a first aid kit, to pain killers

and every time someone comes into his room (taeyong begged for a single bed,,,,roommates can get a Bit) they’re always amazed at how a boy in college keeps his room sparkling clean

and i literally mean sparkling his bed sheets are white, his desk is completely free of everything except his laptop and a cup to hold pens in,,,,,his closet is organized by color: white, black, grey, and brown

and he has a little whiteboard where he writes due dates and everyone is like ur seriously a star student why cant i be clean and organized like u

except they don’t understand,,,anytime before finals the clean room turns into disarray,,,,,like taeyong literally pulls all his covers off the bed and takes power naps at his desk only to wake up with post-it notes stuck to his face

and when finals are over he goes on a cleaning spree in which he offers to do the laundry for everyone on his floor because it calms his nerves

he’s a sweet, polite, hard-working kid tbh with the face of an actual god which makes some people think he’s stuck up when he’s the absolute least from it

like taeyong is that kid that tutors his seniors for FREE in subjects they should be tutoring him in like what an angel?????/

anyway you’re taking organic chemistry with him this semester but the only problem is ,,,,,,you transferred in the middle of the year and therefore are completely falling behind

to the point where you don’t even care about saving your grade because no one wants to help and the teacher is super like “well,,,,,,,,,,do it urself im not doing it for u” kinda stick up their butt situation

so u start skipping class

because everything else ur doing fine in,,,,u have people sharing notes and teachers who get ur situation but organic chem????? the Devil

until one day as ur standing in line at the school cafe and u feel a tap on ur shoulder 

and u turn around to see this guy,,,,,who u know but ur not sure from where until he’s like “taeyong,,,,im in your organic chem class.” and you roll your eyes at the name of that class but then ur like sORRy,,,,,it’s just that class is so,,,,,

and he’s like “ive noticed you’ve stopped coming,,,,,is the material too hard?”

and you kind of are taken aback because this chem class isn’t ,,,,,,small it’s a lecture hall full of like 150 people and he noticed,,,,,,you?

but you shrug not wanting to come off like ,,,,, obvious and ur like “i transferred and a lot of things didn’t make sense,,,,so i gave up? ill just retake the class next semester.”

but taeyong frowns and for a moment you think to yourself: how does someone still look so attractive frowning wth

but ur like “it’s whatever, it can’t be helped.” but taeyong is like ,,,,,,,if,,,,if you still want help,,,,,,i can help you

and for a moment you’re gonna laugh because there’s like four weeks left of classes,,,,,,the only way to save your grade is to ace the big course final

but taeyong seems to fidget a bit when u don’t answer and he goes “b-but if it’s weird,,,,if i seem we,,weird,,,,,,im sor-”

and you’re like no no it’s not you,,,it’s just,,,how can u teach me so much in so little time ?? it’d be a lot of work on ur part and we don’t even know each other?

but taeyong seems unfazed by the amount of work,,,,tbh he smiles a little when u mention how it’ll take hard work and u dont know because ur new to the school but it’s because every1 always tells taeyong he does too much and works too hard,,,,,but to him it’s all fun like he has fun in his major

and he shakes his head and looks at you and again u catch urself sinking a little into his dark,,,pretty eyes and he’s like “im in ,,, if you’re in.”

and the line has moved up and the bored looking girl behind the register asks what you’d like to order and ur like ,,,,, one sec- and she’s like i don’t have time tell me so you say ur order,,,turn back to taeyong and ur like “ok,,,,let’s try.” and he’s like “meet me in the library at 8.”

and you watch him give a little bow and turn around and for a moment u cant be really sure that just happened,,,,,,,most people in college dont waltz up to others to offer to tutor them,,,,,

but as u pay the girl for ur coffee she goes “don’t try asking taeyong out. he never dates.” and ur like ????? what a guy like him definitely has a significant other????? right?????

so 8pm comes around and u bring a fresh notebook and the textbook u bought for the class and find that u dont even have to look for a seat because u can see taeyong already at one of the tables

and he’s got his lab coat over his chair,,,,his laptop open with some charts up and a heavy looking medical dictionary ,,,, he looks like a straight up doctor tbh 

and u sit down,,,startling taeyong who’s glasses slip down his nose just a bit until he’s chuckling and closing his laptop 

and u think how good of a tutor can he be to help someone as hopelessly lost as u,,,,,,,,,,,,but the minute taeyong begins to explain it’s like,,,,it’s like everything makes /sense/

nothing is complicated or abstract,,,,and u can’t help but be entranced by his smooth, slightly deep voice and the way he points out keywords and writes down formulas in near perfect handwriting 

like everything about him is so Professional he’s like,,,he’s like a professor,,,,

and it’s kind of super cute how when u ask him to repeat something he doesn’t get ticked off,,,no he gets excited because it’s obvious,,,,this is something taeyong loves

and at the end of ur first study session u feel so much better about everything

to the point that u even show up to ur class the next day and taeyong doesn’t look up from his notes,,,,,so u cant say hi but,,,,,suddenly it’s not like the teacher is talking nonsense

and every other day taeyong comes to the library to teach u,,,although he moves the time up to 10pm and ur not sure,,,maybe classes or clubs

and by the sixth time as ur packing up to leave taeyong goes “i see ur coming to class, that makes me happy.” and u don’t know why but,,,,,,,

just saying that,,,,,,,,it,,,,,it makes ur heart skip a beat

but u remember the words of the girl from the cafe about taeyong never dating and u itch to ask him,,,,but u don’t want to make this relationship more awkward

which is why the only time u do ask is when u end up in another class of urs partnered up with yuta and taeil,,,,two boys who immediately go “you’re the one taeyong is tutoring right?” and you’re like,,,yes??? and yuta scratches his head and is like “for organic chem or for immunology? or wait,,,,he’s giving someone tennis lessons too right taeil??” and ur like wow,,,taeyong sure helps a lot of people

and taeil nudges yuta but nods and is like “taeyong is really too nice for his own good,,,,,,,,,,” and u nod and try to focus on the project,,,but taeil gives u this like ???? knowing smile

and ur like ,,,, w-whats up and taeil is like “u want to know if taeyong is seeing someone?” and u straighten up because ur like ,,,,, UM,,, no-

and yuta laughs into his palm and is like “it’s ok,,,i know taeyong as a fellow pretty boy everyone always asks us that” and taeil rolls his eyes but he’s like “he’s not, he hasn’t dated anyone in college.” and from the shock on ur face yuta can only nod his head and go “i know,,,it shocks all of us,,,,,,hot girls and hot guys and everyone else all the hot people on campus have made moves on him but he just,,,,,,”

and yuta throws up his hands in defeat and taeil shrugs and for a second u think,,,,,,,,well what kind of chance to i stand,,,,,,,but u shake it off and ur like “maybe he’s just waiting!! he’s really nice i hope he finds someone.” 

and with that u leave after class,,,realizing that taeyong is helping u from the goodness of his heart,,,,,not because he might harbor something towards u,,,,and u need to accept that

but what u dont realize is that as u head toward ur dorm,,,,,taeyong is waiting in the library and when u don’t show up,,,,he goes into a panic

and the next day in organic chem he comes rushing up to

and for the first time his perfect face is scarred with worry and his hair is a mess and he looks like he hasn’t slept and he’s like,,,,,a,,,,are you ok?? and ur like yes wh- and he seems to calm down and even get embarrassed a bit as he steps back and is like “wi-will you come to the library tomorrow??” and ur like ofc omg 

and as ur trying to concentrate,,,u look over to see taeyong dozing off,,,,something he never does,,,,and u wonder why he didn’t sleep

and when u go for tutoring taeyong seems a little more reserved,,,,like usually if u make a joke he’ll laugh or if ur fingers brush it’s nothing

but now it seems like he’s keeping his distance,,,,,a bit more than usual and u want to ask if something is wrong,,,,,

so when ur done with the problem set he has and he gets up almost as if he’s in a hurry,,,,ur reach out and ask him if he’s ok and taeyong,,,looking down at your hand on his wrist ,,,, mumbles that u didn’t show up to tutoring so he thought he’d messed up but u explain that it just slipped ur mind,,,,,,taeyong could never do something wrong

and taeyong,,,,looks up at you and smiles just a bit and he’s like “if i do do something wrong,,,please tell me and ill fix it.”

and,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,the pureness of his voice,,,,the way he’d gotten so worried over you,,,,,it makes your heart burst because where else could someone find such a damn near perfect boy

and before you can think and stop yourself from speaking you ask; “the final is in a week,,,,,after,,,,,would you want to go out?”

taeyong seems to need a moment to register what u mean,,,,but when he does,,,,it’s like all the heat in his body has rushed up into his face and he stutters over an answer until he just goes “im sorry,,,,,,,” and that’s enough for you to get the hint

you apologize at least ten times and ur like thIS is awkward,,,ill go and make a dash for the door as quickly as possible

because everything is so damn EMBARRASSING and ur like WHAT WERE U THINKING @ yourself the whole time u go to your dorm

and for a good hour u just lay down with ur head in ur pillow like gkhdlfjssdf whY DID I OPEN MY MOUTH

but taeyong,,,,,who also gets to his dorm just sets down his laptop and tries to think himself,,,why,,,,,,,why did he say im sorry?? when he wanted to say yes,,,,,

and the week goes by and the final comes and goes and at the end u want to ball ur eyes out because well one that final was hARD AS HELL but thanks to taeyongs help u feel like u did decently,,,,,but also the whole time u couldn’t help but look over at taeyong and not once,,,,,,did u guys cross eyes

and ur convincing urself that he’s forgotten about it,,,,,about you and helping you,,,and every night u spent in the library getting closer and god dammit if u hadnt gotten all worked up over him saying he was worried thiS wouldnt have happened

until you walk right into someone and they’re like “woah! watch yourself” and you look up to see the familiar face of taeil and ur like oh right whoops we got an A on our project did u get the email? and taeil nods but he’s like “more importantly,,,,,,,,hows taeyong?”

and ur like ?????????/ idk im not his frie-

and taeil is like ur not??? taeyong literally tutored u right after his internship for four weeks straight sacrificing his time for u and ur not even friends? doubt it

and ur like wait what

and taeyong is like yEAH why do u think u had to meet so damn late the poor guy had a class load + an internship in a lab + tutoring and believe me as kind as he is,,,,,,he wouldn’t go to such lengths for a stranger

and u can’t believe it,,,,like at all,,,,,,but u feel like such an asshole and ur like “do u know where-” and taeil is like “bus stop near the gym. he should be going there n-” and ur like thANKS SEE U LATER TELL YUTA WE GOT AN A BECAUSE HE NEVER CHECKS HIS EMAIL

and as u run u can see taeyong,,,holding his lab coat and his shoulder bag at the stop and u don’t know how much time u have till the bus comes

but when u show up in front of him,,,huffing and puffing taeyong immediately worries and tries to offer u his water and ur like no no listen to me 

and he’s lie ???? with wide eyes and ur like “im sorry. i never thanked u for tutoring me and we left of on an awkward note and it was sUPER embarrassing but if we could push it aside like i really like u,,,,,,,,but like i want to be ur friend first and foremost because i think ur great and u helped me pass that satanic class and i just didnt know u were staying up so late to tutor me and i just i have a lot more to say but most of all thank you so much taeyong. i appreciate what you did for me.”

and u cant believe u had enough breath for all that but taeyong,,,,taeyong is smiling,,,,,,,and it’s the smile that makes his usually stoic, handsome face turn somewhat childish and warm

and he puts his hand out to carefully take yours and he’s like 

“im happy i could help, but also i,,,,,,,,,”

and you think he’s holding ur hand in like ???A friendly way??? but taeyong is literally also shaking??? and ur like is he nervous???

but taeyong finally swallows the lump in his throat and goes “but also i don’t want to push what you asked me aside. i,,,,,,,i want to take you on a date,,,,,,,can i?”

and you can hear the bus approaching and you can see taeyong’s eyes flash between yours and the road and you know you need to answer

but ur like stuck and the bus doors open and taeyong is like “i need to let go but tell me-”

and he’s halfway up the steps when you get up into the bus with him and the driver is like ? and you lean up to kiss his cheek and you’re like 

“yes,,,,,,,please take me on a date. it would make me really happy.”

and the bus driver is like hello are u also getting on and taeyong turns cherry red but he tells u he’ll call - but wait ur number - and ur like oh !! message taeil he has it we were partners and taeyong is like ok!!

and the driver is like AHEM but this nice old lady is like “don’t ruin their moment”

and basically,,,,you get off the bus and wave to taeyong in the window as it leaves and practically skip back to school because oh my god the undateable taeyong,,,,,,just asked you on a dATE

and the date,,,,,,is so simple and sweet 

everyone thinks taeyong is some stuck up snob with high taste but nooooope in reality u two go to a cafe that specialize in board games and u guys play monoply on ur first damn date and then some connect four and when u beat him at jenga ur pretty sure he might cry

but ur like “taeyong,,,,,,top of ur major and yet,,,,,,,bad at jenga?” and he’s like !!!!!!!! im not rematch!!!!11

but u win again and poor taeyong has his head in his hands but he’s having fun and gladly does the penalty (which is buying u guys two more drinks)

and it’s like afterwords u learn that taeyong is not flashy,,,,,he takes so much happiness in just walking u to ur dorm afterwords and when u tease him about jenga he just bites his lip and mumbles that it just wasn’t his night tonight,,,,,,

and when you lean up to kiss him gently taeyong mumbles against your skin if it’s alright to take u out on a second date and u think how cute,,,,but completely agree

and two dates turn into more dates and before u know it u and taeyong are dating with matching couple rings to prove it 

which yuta thinks is cheesy but taeil just tells him to shut it and be happy for taeyong 

but on a real note taeyong takes dating as seriously as his studies,,,he puts his efforts into making you happy and learning more about you

and it’s so adorable when he’ll point something out and be like “it reminds me of you!” and,,,,it’s like,,,,,,,what an observant, caring boyfriend 

you tell taeyong once you don’t like this specific kind of fruit so when u guys get a fruit salad he asks if u want him to pick out the ones u dont like and u just laugh and go i can just not eat them!!! and he gets red,,,,but like it’s the sentiment that counts

taeyong works most of his week and studies super hard so u don’t get to go out a lot and taeyong apologizes for that

but you just hold his face in your hands and tell him that no. his studies come first because it’s his future

and once taeyong mumbled that he hopes ur his future too and it made ur heart,,,,,,,,,it literally made ur heart burst and you were like taeyong don’t say things like that and he was like im sorry,,,but why not

and u were like because it makes me want to kiss u and u have calculus homework right 

people that took pics of taeyong when u go out always just get super long glares from u and at one point u were like “that’s illegal i can sue on behave of my boyfriend”

and taeyong was like ,,,,angel it’s ok,,,,,,,but u were like anyone who wants to disrespect him come @ me i will prote-

u and ten get along really well just fyi

taeyong introduces u to mark and ur just like !!!!!! wow!!!!! so adorable and taeyong is like rIGHT he’s so cute he’s my son and mark is like ??? but both u and taeyong dote on him and sometimes he’s like guys,,,,please,,,,

but most of the time he likes it because u and taeyong will cook for him if he asks LOL

for someone who hides behind his glasses taeyong sends u selfies whenever he’s with mark because he’s like !!!!!! look how cute

but also sometimes he sends some of himself and he’s like ‘i look so bad ive been studying for 4 hours’ but in reality. he doesn’t look bad. he looks like a model. what the heck. what the actual heck

taeyong keeps his desk super clean but he’s recently let u put up some photos in frames,,,one of them is his sister ,,, another his parents,,, then one of him and his friends ,,,,,,,and then one of u guys,,,,shyly holding hands under fireworks and it’s cute

because before he used to keep everything completely in check but when u doodle a heart on his whiteboard he can’t erase it,,,,he just thinks of u and smiles

doesn’t share his hoodies but it’s ok because when u hug him his smell gets stuck in ur clothes and u love it

u taught taeyong how to use emojis the right way because when u sent him a bunch of hearts he was like ‘isn’t one enough’ and u were like taeyong no i love u much more than one heart emoji and he was like oh! i should sent more too because i love u so much and it was cORNY but so damn cute

his pda is kept to a minimum because taeyong sees intimacy as something very special and he always wants to make sure it’s shared between you and him 

and he’ll like it when u take control because taeyong wants to do anything to please u and sometimes u have to remind him that it’s ok for him to indulge

and he’ll just shyly hide into ur neck but it’s ok because when u run ur hands down his spine u can hear a low sound from him and it’s,,,,,,hot

also loves being kissed on the back of his neck like the nape it always makes him really soft and if he’s overworking himself 

ull like come up from behind while he’s hunched over a book and kiss his nape and he’ll completely kind of loosen up and let u drag him out for a snack so he doesn’t die in all his class notes

and taeyong tells u after sometime that dating,,,,,and being close to people always worried him because he didn’t know if he could make someone happy

but you tell him that he makes u the most happy,,,,even if he has quirks about him and gets excited over math,,,,,that’s so adorable to you

like you’re the one person that taeyong should never be scared of hurting,,,,,,because you know how much effort he puts into his work and u know he’d never do anything to harm u or his friends

and it’s cute,,,,,,u wait for him to get back to campus after his internship and taeyong is always like !!!!! it’s cold and dark dont 

but ur always there and when he gets off the bus he makes u wait till it leaves but then u guys kiss and it’s cute and u laugh against each others lips

and although taeyong doesnt like to share his clothes he’ll pull his lab coat over the two of u and be like “kiss me again” and ur like ooo someone is actually more into pda than we thought?? and he’s like shy,,,but also u do kiss him and it’s soft

my conclusion is college!taeyong is soft ok everyone please be nice to him

find:

college vixx (here) / college bts (here) / college seventeen (here) college monsta x (here) / college got7 + amber + kard (here)

[tayegi]

im crying not only bc of your amazing writing, but bc i was scrolling thru my dashboard and i saw you answering all these asks about new rules and i’m so dump thinking that you set up new rules or sthg, i didn’t understand it so i read all those asks and fucking spoiled myself kmp, but on another note yOU FUCKING ROCK OMG NEW RULES IS SO AMAZING I LOVE IT 💘💘💘

Anonymous said:I'M LOVING NEW RULES SO MUCH just wanted to show my support. i love your writing in general don't get me wrong but new rules is messing with my heart and it's amazing

Anonymous said:Hi! I just read both parts for "New Rules" and I loved them! If this goes in the same direction as Dua Lipa sings (I guess it will) it sounds like it'll be very interesting. I love how everyone in the story is human, not just good or bad, you know? 90% of fics would've made Mijoo the stereotypical barbie bitch, but you didn't and I was pleasantly surprised! I also feel very identified with the OC. I really want her to open up and discover who JK really is, whoever that is. Keep up the good work!

jabaelashit said:Hey! i already wrote you a message on one of your posts but i just wanted to say that i am feeling so skabakks right now, I can't stop thinking about new rules and i'm torn between crying or crying but w angsty. I hope oc learns her worth and can understand she's just as amazing as mijoo, even better if we're talking about morals but oh well people fuck up:( I'm glad she forgave her but I hope she distances from her cause that gurl ain't having the same respect for the friendship as oc/1

jabaelashit said:and i also hope she gets to tell jimin her feelings not to like make him break stuff w mijoo, but to let him know she hadnt seen the note and to release some pressure and feelings cause oc bottles up so much and i just want to go and hug her and don't leave her until she understands shes fucking badass and cool and that the way she thinks is 👏👏👏 lu you've made me feel such a diverse amount of emotions i don't know what to do w myself anymore, your writing is amazing! love love loove you❣/2

Anonymous said:Hey!!:) idk if this is the right place to send compliments cause im really new to tumblr but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR FICS. Tbh I'd buy it if you published a physical compilation;)

Anonymous said:Wow for the longest time I was searching your old username; idek why cause I’ve known you changed your username and have been keeping up to date with you LMAO this is what being sick and delirious does to me. ANYWAYS! Hope you’re not too down with the crazy anons your story is great and I’m thankful for the dynamic characterizations you create! It makes it so much more interesting cause you create many characters with depth!!

Anonymous said:Can I please just have your writing talent? The OC is just so real, and that moment when she's deciding what to do with Mijoo, and what she actually says at the end.... I can't actually put my thoughts into words. I'm legit stunned by the sheer amount of emotions I felt reading the second chapter. I genuinely adore the banter between JK and OC, I personally prefer people to be more direct with what they want, so I already appreciate them, but also Jimin's convo with OC... (1/2)

Anonymous said:Jimin's convo with OC... Idk about these other anons going off on Mijoo, I was more thinking 'why didn't Jimin chase the note?' and then he would have had his answer then and there. But that might have just been me... And also, thinking back to it now, when JK said 'I need you' and OC repeated it back to him like super softly, like she was surprised oh god, okay, my heart is breaking even more for OC now, idk if I'm reading too much into it. I love you Lu, I hope you're well, and happy! (2/2)

Anonymous said:I love your fics so much!! The sass is real esp with jungkook 😂

Anonymous said:Anyways do ya thang hunny ✨ Keep wrecking me with your writings 💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨😩

Anonymous said:Read part 1 of New Rules and was like yeah thisll be fun, I'll have a great time. Then I read part 2 and ended up shedding some real tears at the end?!?! LU WHAT THE...... But really though its so nice to read a fic where the OC values friendship. The idea that its always girls against girls makes me sad.. we should be sticking together!!

Anonymous said:so... surprise surprise, dis gon be about new rules 😂 but I really wanted to thank you for adding so much of the oc's inner dialogue, and making her such a character in the first place. a lot of fics do not portray ocs with more defeatist attitudes, but yours does and I was glad, because I could finally relate to a fic :) also, coming back to the inner dialogue thing, it was so in depth that i could really feel what the oc was feeling, what she was going through. it was amazing ❤️ thank you!

Anonymous said:Man this is one hell of a good fic i’m highly anticipating the next chapter!!! Even though it seems like traditional frat fuckboy x ‘i hate frat bois but ye i’d fuck u’ type of girl it still is in a way a little different i just can’t quite catch how but nonetheless it’s amazing!!! Keep up the good work babe

oceanjoon said:ok so ur newest fic new rules literally is so real n relatable !! like honestly i understand seeking physical comfort in people u dont care about wen u r feeling down/insecure to validate urself n it just rlly hit home

kyarybunny said:Lu. At this point I have so many compliments to give you I can't really form it all properly. But I really am enjoying New Rules and this plot you're breathing life into! It's a different facet of your writing and I love how you can interpret every character's actions in a few different ways. Thank you for continuing to write and I hope you enjoy writing as much as we do reading/analyzing.

Anonymous said:Istg when I read the new chapter of New Rules I clenched my fist like that Arthur meme when it came up to the part about mijoo and the note. Girl got me heated lol. As usual, your works do not disappoint! I love your wittiness and how it shines in your writing. The remarks and dialogue in all of your series really proves your talent. You’re truly a gem amongst fanfic writers 💕☺️📢

Anonymous said:i was happily reblogging a few things on my dash and ch1 of new rules just came and i started reading WHERE THE FUCK DID I GET MY ASS INTO???!!!???!?! IT'S FUCKING AMAZING i don't know why i didn't start reading before. don't you ever dare stop writting, you're such a good writter and i enjoy your works very very much

Anonymous said:OC DESERVES HAPINESS JUST AS MUCH AS MIJOO. OC SHOULDVE PUT HERSELF AND HER HAPPINESS BEFORE HER FRIEND'S BECAUSE SHE IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF THEM DJFJFJ i hope one day jimin finds out about her feelings :(

Anonymous said:new rules just keeps getting better and better 😻😻

Anonymous said:Wow.. Okay.. I do believe chapter 2 of New Rules has officially ruined me. My heart was actually beating so fast through out the whole chapter, and it's still racing now too. I've thought this multiple times while reading your fics, but you're writing really is incredible. Your characters and the way you describe their emotions is so unbelievably relatable that the reader can't help but be sucked in. I always find myself becoming invested in your characters! Thank you for all the adventures!

Anonymous said:I felt so bad for the OC this chapter ;.; If I were in her position, I'd probably do the same since causing a scene is yes, immature and not worth the energy. But, if i could be a character in New Rules I'd probably be the other best friend who'll be like "guurl, confront her ass it isnt an excuse just because she's your friend." All in all I see the OC as the kind of person who'll go out of their way to care for someone to the point of disregarding their own feelings, which is unhealthy :( (1)

Anonymous said:(2) but thats what makes her such a relatable character. I really, really like that in your OCs. This is probably the second OC i emotionally relate to, first is Copper Girl. But yeah I'm just distracting myself from assignments lol this series is amazing and just you are amazing Lu!!!! ily!!!!! PS. Jungkook is still agsjshskll he's cocky but with OC he's quite vulnerable. I wonder why? Is it just a front or does he have other intentions?

Anonymous said:alternative ending to new rules: mijoo and mc are over their respective boys, does not bother to get into any messy scenarios like that ever again, love each other and support each other and is forever the friendship that everyone envies anD I HATE THIS SITUATION SO MUCH GODDAMMIT LU!!! UR REALLY TRYING TO TEAR MY HEART APART!!

marchxseptember said:OH MY GOD CHAPTER TWO IS UP. I HAD A FEELING SO I HAD TO CHCK UR ACC AND I WAS RIGHT. BRB GONNA READ

marchxseptember said:AND THE PLOT THICKENS. I JIST FINISHED READING CH. 2 AND I AM FUCKED UP. I HAD A THEORY BEFORE BUT NOW I HAVE LIKE 2 MORE IM CONFUSED. I LOVED IT SOOO MUCH. AND I HATE MIJOO NOW. I CANT WAITT TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN. THIS WAS SO GOOD LU.

omg the amount of response ive gotten for new rules is unbelievable. I dont think ppl were even this into equilibrium. the last time u guys acted like this was during the golden boy trilogy and it really feels so good to have this again.

thank you all for your thoughtful messages and for giving this ridiculous little fic a chance. I love you all

#new rules #keehyung #lu answers

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