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shimmershae · 3 years

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So. I have some more thoughts. Shocking? Yeah, I know, lol.

Let’s see if I can figure out how to purge what’s inside of my overactive brain and have it make some semblance of sense, shall we?

Hmm.

Where to start, where to start?

Okay. So I think it’s safe to say that the flashbacks pretty quickly establish that Daryl has essentially been set adrift. He’s been cast back, in some ways by his own choosing, into a solitary searching life that speaks to his past. He has no anchor anymore, no touching stone--whether that be Rick, who’s presumed dead, or Carol, who’s chosen by default to leave him behind and try to make a new family in Ezekiel and Henry.

That’s important. Because until this season? Until he really matured and assumed, grudgingly or otherwise, the mantle of leadership of the communities?

Daryl was a follower. He took his cues from other stronger personalities. Other people more quick to voice and own their opinions, right or wrong. Like Rick. And Merle before him.

That’s not to say Daryl hasn’t had anything of value to say or add to the communities or to his relationships. He has and he did. Remember back at the Prison how Carol told him he was going to have to live with the love? Daryl was just beginning to find his voice, so to speak. He was emerging, even if they were only baby steps at first, from other seemingly more formidable shadows, and learning even then how to be more of a leader that people looked up to even if he was still content to be a follower.

Being a follower was what he was comfortable with and I’m making some assumptions here, but I’d wager that in his abusive past with his old man, in that household first with Merle then on his own, being a follower and sticking to the safety of the periphery is probably what kept him alive. Being a follower minimized conflict then, I’m sure. Being a follower when he met up with and eventually connected with Rick and the rest of Team Family was probably the safest way for him to make emotional connections.

I’m rambling. I know it and I’m sorry. It’s what I do. Ramble, lol.

Here. I’m going to place the rest of this underneath a cut because I got more winding words than I have wind and most of ya’ll have patience.

With Rick gone, with Carol off trying her damndest to live a fairy tale, Daryl floundered. For all intents and purposes, he was left without any direction, nobody to take his cues from emotionally or otherwise.

I mean, he literally made ever-widening circles searching for Rick, didn’t he? Circles have no end point. They have no real destination. Not really. Daryl essentially lived in a spin cycle of pain and regret and inability to really and truly connect with anybody during those years spent searching for Rick--especially since the person he arguably felt closest to and most comfortable with, Carol, basically decided those past connections Daryl was so desperate to find again were too painful for her and attempted to move on.

He wasn’t emotionally equipped to or stable enough (perhaps still internally dealing with his anger and angst over his torture and imprisonment by Negan at that point in time) to put in the hard work to reestablish those fraying bonds on his own and the man basically lost the plot. His world narrowed down to this latest search. This search for a body. For closure. For a new purpose perhaps?

And you know, the man had to be tired. In some way or another? He’s probably been searching his entire life. It’s kind of what followers do. They look for meaning outside themselves because they don’t feel like they’re enough.

So then Dog, in the form of this happy, accepting, affectionate puppy appears out of nowhere. He’s a welcome distraction and knowing Daryl’s propensity to try to reunite the lost with those they love, he started a new little search.

That led him to Leah.

Leah, who was alone. Like him. Leah, who knew how to survive. Like him. Leah, who was stuck in a place of grief. Like him.

Leah, who--and I don’t really feel like I’m going out on too far or precarious limb here considering how many parallels they literally slapped us in the face with during this episode--reminded him of someone he felt he couldn’t have, not even her friendship anymore because by her choosing to ‘be there’ for Ezekiel and Henry and the Kingdom she was always leaving Daryl behind and that’s a pattern we’ve all long suspected has really caused hurt for Daryl even if he’s long ‘accepted’ and dealt with it with stoicism.

Boy, they really blew the lid off that issue didn’t they? Oh, it was done rather quietly and in a surprisingly controlled manner, but the hurt it caused? The tears and emotion it elicited was brought about with an almost surgical precision that stunned Carol, but I digress.

My point is? Daryl? Innate follower that he is? Daryl had grown accustomed to the human connection he found with Team Family. He was never 100% comfortable with it but he missed it. He craved it. And Rick? Well, deep down Daryl knew the likelihood of finding his ‘brother’ was minimal. And with Carol pulling away and putting more and more distance between them--how deep and wide was that river, ya’ll, before the episode was done? when it started off looking like a small trickle of a stream? how wide was that chasm these two idiots in painfully unspoken love allowed to be formed between them?--essentially the two closest people to him were lost to him, leaving him lost.

So he stumbles upon this woman who is very reminiscent of people that he’s known. He’s figured out, even though he keeps trying to buck the trend, that you really can’t make it alone in the world anymore. And when she shows him some small measure of trust by letting him go? That part of him that didn’t want to be alone kept drifting back into her sphere.

Now I’m not going to go so far as saying Daryl fell in love with this Leah. Because, shipping biases aside? I really don’t feel like he did.

Daryl found solace with Leah.

Companionship.

Remember another time when Daryl was lost? When he felt he had failed another member of his family? Lost what he thought was the last of his family? How alone he was at a crossroads when Joe’s group of Claimers came along?

I’m not equating Leah with the Claimers in any other way except saying Daryl was in a similar headspace when he met her, okay? Before anybody goes off on me. I’m just saying that Leah? She represented what Daryl felt was his one chance NOT TO BE ALONE.

Daryl’s emotionally stunted, ya’ll. He’s made great strides, but trauma always seems to regress him. Thankfully, it seems to regress him less and less as he really and truly matures, but it still has a habit of reverting him back to the Daryl we first met. The Daryl we can easily see growing up in Merle’s shadow.

When he threw that damn fish at her door, I literally laughed for ten straight minutes because that was funny as hell. But honestly? The more I thought about it, the more it dwelled in my mind? The sadder it actually made me because here’s a grown man essentially trying to connect with another human being on an adolescent level.

So much of what we were shown in this episode really just reinforced what I’d already suspected to be true--Daryl Dixon just doesn’t ‘get’ the basics of interpersonal relationships. At least those that could be perceived as romantic. For all that Carol mused it was like he had become a man back in Atlanta, during Consumed and their search for Beth? That man is still very much trying to fumble his way out of the starting gate so far as pursuing a woman in any form or fashion.

This is just my opinion and we all know what they say about those, lol, but Daryl has longed for an even deeper connection with Carol since the Prison. Maybe even before that. I think at the Farm his eyes were opened to her and he started trying to be a better person to match what he perceived as her goodness. Before he even knew she wanted one, he was trying to be a man of honor. Then stuff and thangs happened and shit, like Daryl once told Abe, just never settled. Carol drifted out of Daryl’s reach because he wasn’t equipped with the emotional tools to really go after what he wanted--her in a deeper, different capacity than he’d ever wanted or asked for before--and shit, ya’ll. If loneliness is a choice then Daryl Dixon was sick and damn tired of it.

Do I think there’s even really a choice between Leah and Carol in Daryl’s mind though? A true choice were he to absolutely, 100% realize and know that Carol’s heart was earmarked for him from the very beginning and that she’s suffering from the same delusions that she’s not good enough or deserving of him?

Absolutely not.

Leah knew that even if Daryl never divulged any specifics about Carol. She knew the answer to her ultimatum before she even made it.

And that ultimatum, ya’ll.

Maybe it’s weird, but it put me in mind of when Merle pressed Daryl to make a choice between him and Team Family.

Merle was blood family but like Carol and others said, he wasn’t good for Daryl.

Leah might have offered Daryl some solace from his loneliness but ultimately staying isolated with her and not reconnecting with those he identifies as family is just as damaging as Daryl choosing to follow in Merle’s wake again. Similarly to that situation, Daryl was clearly torn as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

Between loyalty to family and unspoken love.

In case there’s any confusion here, the unspoken love I’m talking about is his love for Carol. He felt something for her back at that Prison. Fight me. He knew she’d be hurt by him going back with Merle, but obligation and family loyalty led him to make the decision all the same.

Still. He knew she’d understand. And she did, even if his choice hurt her.

My thought is that this time? At least initially? Daryl didn’t completely separate his loyalty to family (searching for Rick) and his unspoken love (for Carol) when he made his decision. They’re hopelessly entwined because Carol is a little bit of everything to Daryl--friend, family, the woman he loves and has been halfway in love with for so many years. Initially, he chose the hope that both would come back to him if he just kept searching. Because searching’s what he does. From Sophia to Connie, he’s always searched in the hope of bringing the lost back to those that love them. He’s always searched because nobody searched for him.

Daryl is the ultimate lost boy who grew to be a man and still feels like he hasn’t been found.

But how can he be found if the one person he wants to find him keeps running away?

Daryl didn’t choose Leah.

Not from his heart.

Daryl turned back to Leah because he felt Carol slipping away to where he couldn’t follow her.

If it can even be argued that Daryl chose Leah, it was by default. Of course, he feels guilty. Daryl wouldn’t be Daryl without guilt. He wouldn’t be Carol’s man of honor.

And he is Carol’s man.

She may not be in the place to see it--YET--but she’s getting there. She’s fighting hard against her natural inclination to run. She’s trying. She knows what she wants, even if she doesn’t believe she has the hope of getting it.

Daryl knows what he wants, too. He knows, once and for all, where he belongs. He’s stopped searching. He knows she’s right there. There’s no more circles. There’s just a final destination if he can convince the love of his fucking life to stop running from what they both want.

He may have left that note for Leah, but you can’t convince this viewer that he didn’t write those words for Carol.

And that’s all I got to say about that.

For now anyway.

Omigosh, lovelies.

So sorry for the emotional word vomit but thank you so much for indulging me even if I did lose my original point somewhere up there, lol.

#The Walking Dead #Season 10C spoilers #Caryl #Carol x Daryl #Carol Peletier #Daryl Dixon #Melissa McBride #Norman Reedus #gorgeous people #my precious babies in love #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons #my heart

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imagines-mha · 4 years

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When you wear his clothes

Fandom(s): Haikyuu!!

Characters: Daichi, Oikawa, Kuroo, Bokuto, Terushima, Kita, Futakuchi, Ushijima

🔸 Daaamn if this man ain’t smug as hell

🔸 He wouldn’t seem it, and it’d take a genius to tell- but beneath his cool facade, he’s overflowing with utter pride

🔸 You show up one day to practice to drop off his lunch, clad in one of his comfy t-shirts

🔸 Let's be real, Tanaka and Noya see you way before he does

🔸 And bc ur the captains s/o™️, you get a free pass to becoming the unofficial mom of karasuno

🔸 So yes, they all adore you. And yes, they tease you and Daichi like hell

🔸 “WOAH Y/N!! IS THAT DAICHI’S?!” Noya calls, and all eyes magnetise to your figure

🔸 That’s when a smirk creeps onto your boyfriend’s face and your face starts to heat up bc he is HOT

🔸 “You gotta wear my stuff more often babe,“ he’ll grin after the team finish with their compliments, “seems like everyone here thinks you’re cute as hell too. Pity you’re all mine though-“

🔸 *cue cheesy couple shit that makes half of the team wanna throw up*

🔹 If you wear ANY of his stuff, you can bet he’s gonna put the evidence all over the internet. Yall KNOW he would upload it onto a public billboard if he could

🔹 Because everyone needs to see how cute his little y/n is

🔹 And also- boy likes to boast about his relationship cus he thinks ur a gift from god lol

🔹 He’ll probably still tease you about it tho U CANNOT WIN W THIS MAN

🔹 “Aw y/n are you trying to get even closer to me by wearing my shirt? Did you really miss me THAT much? Gosh you’re so cute when-“

🔹 Just slap him

🔹 Fr tho either tell him to knock it off or feed his ego even more. We all know what choice is gonna take less time lmao

🔹 He’s the boyfriend who encourages you to wear his stuff, but super subtly.

🔹 Leaving hoodies on radiators when it’s cold, t-shirts in convenient places just in case you wanna throw them on…

🔹 He just loves having an s/o who wears his clothes it makes him feel like a cool boyfriend okay

🔹 He’ll post pics with the caption “isn’t my sweet little y/n just adorable in MY hoodie?! 🥰🥰🥰” and u can’t lie it kinda does make you melt

♦️ Go grab the dictionary and look up “teasing little bitch”

♦️ There u go that's how he is. He’ll torture you abt it but we all know he’s so into seeing u wear his stuff.

♦️ Sexually.

♦️ “Wow dontcha have your own jacket to wear? Or are you just trying to show me off again?”

♦️ “And who gave you the free pass to steal all my shirts?”

♦️ He’s just teasing though, y’all know he prays every night for you to wear them cus he thinks you’re fucking precious

♦️ You remind him of a little kitty when his giant hoodies are draped around your shoulders

♦️ It drives him CRAZY

♦️ He’s got hard like 83 times more than he’d like to admit just from the sight of you in his clothes not his finest moments

♦️ With that in mind, wear his clothes for a free pass to the best sex of your life amen

⚫️ Lmao. Simp king.

⚫️ He comes home early from practice to find you rummaging around in the kitchen, one of his hoodies hanging around you

⚫️ And istg he almost has to call an ambulance

⚫️ “Y/N WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WORE MY STUFF WHEN I WASNT HOME ANDJWJDJWDJSH”

⚫️ Openly campaigns for you to wear his clothes

⚫️ Like if advertising his clothes to you was an olympic sport, he’d have won gold at least 6 years in a row by now

⚫️ Ur like “oh i'm coming to practice today” and he’s like “ok wear my hoodie”

⚫️ And BOI when you do. WHEN YOU DO.

⚫️ You’re gonna feel like A BEAUTY QUEEN.

⚫️ “EVERYONE LOOK AT HOW FUCKING ADORABLE Y/N LOOKS IN MY HOODIE. HEAR THAT? MY HOODIE. THE HOODIE THAT IS MINE AND BELONGS TO ME. M-E. NO ONE ELSE.”

⚫️ Bokuto you’re making another scene

⚫️ Its fucking cute though

🟣 Confused.com

🟣 “Y/n… where are all your clothes?”

🟣 God bless him he’s such a sweetie pie. He just doesn’t get the memo you’re doing it bc he has comfy ass clothes and you wanna wear them also he smells nice n u like to boast that ur ushijima’s s/o what about it

🟣 When you tell him this, he just nods for a moment, still clueless as ever

🟣 “I can buy you new clothes if you need them?” USHIJIMA NO

🟣 Somehow he works out that you just wear them cus you wanna, and he is more than okay with that

🟣 Lowkey fills him with pride

🟣 You’ll find he’s more clingy when you’re in his hoodies etc. He’s a big cuddlebug on the worst of days so this just sends him OFF

🟣 Perfect for when u need that extra affection

🟣 Just throw on his hoodie and BAM there you are. Cuddly wakatoshi. Ur welcome

▪️He finds it endearing above anything

▪️ He isn’t one to openly show how blushy something makes him, so his reaction is a narrow display of how his heart is really feeling

▪️ You can still read him like an open book tho and u just KNOW by the sparkle in his eyes that he’s melting at the sight of you

▪️ He’s a busy guy, but meticulous at that. He’ll walk into your home and notice you wearing it immediately

▪️ It makes his chest heat up at the sight of you, and he just has to indulge himself in the situation

▪️ You feel his arms around your waist before anything else, giving you a warm squeeze and a peck to your head

▪️ “You look beautiful y/n”

▪️ You guys always cuddle before bed, and you find he’s holding you just a little closer and tighter when you’re in his hoodie/shirt

▪️ He likes to nuzzle you to his chest and play with your hair- it comforts him

▪️ But if you’re in his t-shirt while he does it?? It’s like the feeling is hyped x100

🔸He’s gonna get turned on by it no cap

🔸Seriously, what else did you expect from him?

🔸 He’s boastful as hell when his sees you in his outfits, and even the idea of it just makes him heat up

🔸 You show up to his house one day in a shirt he left at yours

🔸 You’re met with a sharp whistle, catching you off guard and clearly to compliment how hot you look

🔸 “Didn’t know you were comin’ all dressed up for me baby,”

🔸 You swear every time he calls you baby it makes you swoon

🔸 Like Oikawa, he’s boastful as hell

🔸 Expect 104827 selfies before you leave he treats u like his model its so fuckin cute

🔸This man just likes to show you OFF

🟢 Boy gets a little flustered

🟢 But does he mask it with cockiness? Yes. Yes he does

🟢 “Wow, this for me?” He’ll smirk a bit, dropping his bags on the floor and making his way into the bedroom where you lay

🟢 And then it could go one of two ways my friend.

🟢 Either you act all sub and cute- pouting back, letting him take control of you

🟢 Or you call him out on his faux-smugness, and watch him fall weak to you

🟢 If you chose option 1, he’ll probably take it as an opportunity to further things and fuck you- cus that boy is ALWAYS ready to go if u know what i mean ;))

🟢 If you chose option 2, you get to watch his soft side come out and it's CUTE as hell

🟢 He’ll be like “y/n stoppp let me be cool…”

🟢 Either way he fuckin loves when you wear his clothes. Surprise him in a t shirt and nothing else and he’ll SLAM you into a wall and kiss you til you can’t feel your lips istg

#haikyuu!!#hq!!#daichi sawamura #oikawa tooru #kuroo tetsurou #bokuto kotarou #kita shinsuke #yūji terushima #futakuchi kenji #ushijima wakatoshi #x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #hq imagines

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pigeonxp · 3 years

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YGCMA songs and how they relate to c!Wilbur based off of yesterday’s lore (in my biased opinion)

This is so dumb and i literally don’t care. I can’t think about anything else other than doing this synopsis even tho like 28480329204 other people are going to do it. idc.

(I listened to the songs earlier, and i’m also listening to them as i write the opinions. these are basically just my thoughts while listening tbh. im also not doing the full song, just some things i feel relate within each song)

- Jubilee Line

the lines at the beginning of the song, “hate to see you leaving / a fate worse than dying” could relate to how wilbur feels after tommy gets pulled back into the overworld. or, he could be referencing L’Manburg and how he hates to see his country leaving him (ouch).

then we have the lines “your city gave me asthma / so thats why im fucking leaving / and your water gave me cancer / and the pavements hurt my feelings”. This could be in relation to L’Manburg as a whole. He put everything he had into L’Manburg and it only ended up hurting him in the end. yikes.

now we have “shout at the wall / ‘cause the walls dont fucking love you” repeated. This could be in reference to when he said he was fucking kicking and screaming to get out of the train station. hes screaming and he doesnt care because it doesnt matter to him. it doesnt love him just like how the people of L’Manburg didnt love him. wilbur get therapy challenge.

so based on the lore from yesterday, we know that c!wilbur’s limbo was a train station (props to fanartists. i love you.), presumably the YCGMA album cover type deal. when he sings “Theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the tube line / theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the rails” repeated. if the train station looks like how they do on the album cover, there could be barriers where he is. maybe hes trying his best to just kill himself over again by jumping onto the tracks. just in an attempt to escape. jfc

“theres a reason they fail”. he was still in the train station, wasnt he?

- Saline Solution

for this one, i feel like hes pretty far into the void and regretting his decision to have phil kill him. hes tired of being in a fucking train station for years on end.

“i think this time im dying / im not melodramatic / im just pragmatic beyond any / reasoning for thinking ive got / fuckin rabies or something.” hes so fucking sick of being in this goddamn train station and he thinks hes dying. hes so pent up and sick of being there, maybe hes just in so much pain that he feels like hes dying. if hes been there for a while, hes probably bound to go crazy at some point, hence the “pragmatic beyond any reasoning.”

“I think ive lost my mind / blurring the fact and the fictions” this feels like he really does believe hes going crazy and is mixing up the things he really knows and the things his mind is creating for him. maybe this is when tommy first arrived and he cant tell if he real or not (thats a stretch but i figured id share it anyway.)

“I think ive made my choice / im a deceased playing victim / slip the face, slip the victory” he quite literally says that hes a deceased playing victim. hes literally saying hes dead HAHHAHAH anyway. maybe hes blaming himself again, because us c!wilbur apologists all know that hes very good at doing that.

“Sit secluded in hatred /.../” hes sitting in a fucking train station for god knows how long beating himself up over and over again and just hating himself. hes all alone. with himself. someone he fucking loathes.

this is honestly all i have for Saline Solution, but i will definitely add more later if i get different theories.

- Since I Saw Vienna

This is my favorite song on the album and my comfort song so that could factor into this bit ahaha

im going to skip through this one a little bit and go to the line “The roads are my home, horizons my target / if i keep on moving, never lose sight of it / treating my memory of you like a fire, let it / burn out, don’t fight it, try to move on” this sounds like hes reminiscing on his home in L’Manburg and his presidency was something he relied on and he would fight to get it back, but now that hes dead and said that it should remain that way that he should just let it go. trying to move on from his symphony, forever unfinished.

“its been sixty weeks since i saw vienna / a bandage and a wide smile slapped across my face / ill pick up my hiking boots when i am ready / and ill put down my roots when im dead.” THESE LINES FUCK ME UP IN GENERAL BUT HOW THEY RELATE TO C!WILBUR RN IS JUST SUIBHYSBUSHDXNSKJDNHBD YK???? in the context that vienna is L’Manburg and he died, its saying that its been a long ass time since hes seen it and hes faking being okay about his death. he misses it but doesnt want to admit it. the picking up the hiking boots when hes ready is him moving on from his L’Manburg, and putting his roots down when hes dead is finally being okay with not living there/being an important part of it. he believed his death was the best for the people in L’Manburg and L’Manburg itself. it seems like hes still trying to convince himself.

“Ill be gone then, for when you must be alone.” hes gone. hes dead. hes in the train station. he left the L’Manburgians alone and hes alone in his limbo. man.

- Losing Face

this song is angry. hes so fucking angry. my thoughts are that this is about the following presidents after him. he feels like the L’Manburgians were happier without him and im pretty sure he believed that even when Schlatt was president. this is so evident in the lyric “Is he better than me?” Hes literally asking if the other presidents were better than he was. he doesnt believe he did everything he could to be the best president, even though we all know that he gave everything that he was into that country and then some. he broke himself for the L’Manburg but he doesnt believe hes enough. sheesh.

“Ive seen him / ive been him / ive felt the same way” even though he cant see the new presidents being president, he knows what its like. he knows that they might break under the pressure. hes been there. he knows how if feels. yikes.

“Ive lost all meaning / ive lost my sense of hope” this feels like when he was nearing the end of L’Manburg when he blew it up, and that he feels like trying to win it back is pointless. he has no hope for it anymore, so why not give up? his mental state is already shit yk so i cant really blame him for feeling that way.

“i dont care / i want you here / as long as youre happy, i dont care” this line. this fucking line. hes lost hope in being president, but he doesnt care. he just wants the L’Manburgians to be happy. that was his whole thought process while he was president. he didnt matter to himself, he just wanted them to be happy. he sacrificed his mental state for them. cries in wilbur apologist.

- Your Sister Was Right

this is my second favorite song on the album i think HAHAHAH

anyway

“I use everyone i ever meet / i cant find the perfect match / abuse those i love / while i ostracize the ones who love me / back.” wowie wow wow fucking ouchie. He feels like he uses his friends. this whole thing is a projection of his shit ass mental state rn fucking hell. he feels like hes abusive. thats what everyones been telling him. they tell him he was awful and a shit president and all that jazz even though hes been killing himself trying to be the best for them but its still not enough (pigeon projecting? more likely than you think)

“every time that i miss you / i feel the way you hurt / and i dont deserve you / you deserve the world / though it feels like we were built / from the same dirt.” man. hes dead lol. he misses the L’Manburgians. not only were they his supporters, but they were all his friends too. every time he misses his friends he feels their pain of when he first blew up L’Manburg. he feels like because he caused them all pain that they dont like him and that they never liked him and that he is undeserving of their friendship. he still wants to be friends with them. he still loves them. he still wants the best for them. he thinks theyre so much better than him even though they all created L’Manburg together. in reality they are all the same, but their actions impact each other and he feels that his actions make him worse than them or less than. fuckisonmdfnpbhife

“and i hate to say it / but your sister was right / dont trust english boys / with far too much free time” sister is dream mayhaps. fuckngeionsfjg that hurt sorry uhhh anyway yeah sister is dream?? he did say that wilbur would be a shit president and he believes that hes a shit president so he thinks they were all right about him being a shit president fbhjebinfnejg. maybe sister is just everyone who didnt believe in wilbur. man....

“a fucking waste of time” do i even need to explain this one? he fr doesnt belive hes worth it anymore and that hes literally a waste of time. hjkfbhnfve

- La Jolla

this one feels pretty far into train station limbo to me as well. namely from “and im lonely / there i said it” this could either be him being lonely as president and feeling like he doesnt have anyone to talk to really because hes too busy trying to hold himself together for everyone. either that or hes lonely in the station and didnt want to admit it because this is what he wanted. he wanted to die. he wanted to be dead because he believed thats what everyone else wanted and he just wanted the best for them.

“i could go away / i could pack my things and be gone before you wake” he could leave if they asked him to. he would do anything for them.

“you know ive tried hard to love me too / it always seems to fall in, through” this line already physically pained me but now it hurts even more having to relate it to a character i love. we already know that his mental state was declining as his presidency continued, but this would confirm that hes just trying to love himself even though he can never seem to get it right.

“my own personal sunset” this is just the ‘this is my sunrise’ line but different. my man misses the sun. fuck.

- I’m Sorry Boris

this song is almost definitely from a long ass time in the limbo.

“and im sorry / but, boris / im leaving / im not good for anyone here” boris represents L’Manburgians!! hes talking about how hes leaving the world by planning on killing himself. fuck.

“we reached the end of a decade” mans been dead for a decade. sheesh.

he then goes on to say that he cant believe hes leaving, he doesnt think he wants to leave them, but he thinks its whats best for them.

he talks about how they do all of these bullshit things before helping you and i know its in reference to london but for the sake of my sanity its about the presidency role and how it will fuck you up before bothering to help you not want to kill yourself.

should i do a separate post about how i visualized it/about how i thought about the song in paragraph form like a lowkey explanation? idk how to explain it but in this one i wanted to just cover some of the lyrics of the songs and my thoughts on them. i think c!wilbur wrote these in the limbo after he died. i know this is also shit and Not Good, but i really just needed to get my thoughts out before it killed me. i also didnt reread this. its probably repetitive and shit yk. i do Not Care. id also love to hear thoughts on this if yall want to. if you made it this far i love you please hydrate and eat today and youre so sexy ahaha

“and even though im finished / im not quite done with it” even though hes finishing his symphony by blowing it up, hes now realizing he wished he hadnt blown it up and that he hadnt killed himself. man.

#tw death #tw suicide #wilbur soot #ycgma #dream smp #tommyinnit #dream #c!wilbur #fuck i love this album

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chicago-reeed · 4 years

Text

Detroit Evolution

These are some notes that I took while I watched DE for the first time. It’s a lot. Like, six pages, a lot. I decided I should probably spare everyone’s dashboards and put it under a cut.

Warning: overuse of the fuck word because I am a dramatic little shit who gets overwhelmed easily

- Alright here we go. I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared to go through this hhhhh

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY I NUT

- fuck he smellin the flowers good

- “hey tin can :P” “good morning gavin :P”

- I’m actually fucking crying IVE HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMES JUST TO BREATHE AND IM ONLY AT 1:25

- FUCK ITS 1:27 AND HES FIXING HIS COLLAR HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH THIS WHEN MY VISION IS BLURRY WITH TEARS

- “I don’t need to breathe” BAZINGA

- *slaps my face repeatedly* keep it together bitch

- “I like the way you look<3” aaaaaaaaannd here I go again

- HAHAHA HE WAS DAYDREAMING SAME NINES SAME

- oh god oh god witty banter WITTY BANTER I CANT FUNCTION

- C H R I S IM SCREAMING

- detective motha fuckin chris I don’t need to see any more I got what I came for

- Honestly all they need to do to calm down the protestors is get nines out there so he can say “please stop you’re being very mean >:/“ and they would probably just go home ngl

- “I’ve never been intimidated by people who hate androids” OH MY GOD NINES WITH THE BAZINGA’S TODAY WHAT A LEGEND

- can I just say the white jacket is such a power move I can’t believe nines invented fashion

- Gavin bein soft and reaching back for Nines in the crowd🥺homygod

- Gavin “no one calls him plastic but ME” Reed

- The only time I will support police brutality™️

- Gavin is so OP we stan

- Nines “you raise a fist, then I get PISSED😡” RK900

- “y’all have a nice day” Protect Detective Chris Miller at all costs

- Nines sees Gavin’s scars as charming PUT ME TO DEATH

- ADA OH LORD SHES STUNNING IM SOBBING

- Okay I need to pause and breathe again the cinematography got me chokin

- Uh ooohhh someone is jeeaaalouus😛

- Nines really said “no worry fam I’ll airdrop the case files to u”

- Ada: *exists*

- me: I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

- HA GAV DEFINITELY JEALOUS RIP

- And nines back at it again with the sass I AM LIVING

- Chris and Gavin’s reactions to Nines imitating Ada is the best thing I’ve seen all year

- “I can do your voice too” HIS FACE IMDBDHDJKDJD CRYIGGGSBSN

- oh ;-; shit Michael really finna make me cri

- God damn the intro credits are so beautiful

- TINAAAAAAA BABYYYYY

- Real coffee hours with the sharktreuse mug🦈

- “our boy” SHIT IM CRYING AGAIN

- Tina knows Gavin was absolutely feral before Nines appeared at the DPD

- Half An Asshole squad please stand up we ride at dawn

- Gavin with the knockoff timbs WE STAN😎

- maybe “thank god, I hate you, you love me, move your feet, oop” will be our always

- I’m living for the whole “criminal minds” vibe goin on here

- Bruh Gavin got the hook-ups fr fr

- ❤️WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER W❤️

- The level of reed900 is staggering

- I’ve had to pause and breathe so many times it’s pathetic I’m not even 15 mins in

- GAVIN SAID mwah<3🖕IM FUCKING DIED

- 850% godt damn Nines got that IOS 50 update

- NINES PUT CHRIS’ PROMOTION PARTY IN THE CALENDAR WHAT A GOOD DAD

- maybe “our calendar” will be our always

- Chris “wingman of the year” Miller

- Who’s that Pokémon??? It’s JEALOUS GAV

- The way Nines said “I don’t feel anything for her.” I see you bud

- insecure Gavin needing reassurance™️

- Im fucking dying I fucking died bro BRO WE ALL KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING ABOUT, NINES, WE ALL KNOW

- Asexual Nines FTW👊😤👏👏👏❤️He gives zero fucks of ANY kind

- AN ANGEL HAS APPEARED WITH A GLOWY BLUE SCARF

- BREAKING NEWS: affection-starved Gavin™️ is literally begging for love

- GAVIN REED STOP BEING MEAN TO GAVIN REED OR ELSE

- “But there’s much more to admire about you than to detest, I think.”<333

- JJ not being suspicious at all nope no way Jose

- Lazzo has said two words and I love him already

- I don’t think I’ve seen this episode of COPS before🤔🤔🤔

- We all know Nines secretly wants to wear those fun glasses

- “Officer I swear I’ve never seen that arm in my life, it’s my friend’s he just asked me to hold it for him, Android arm what android arm heh”

- “Like robot arms, not gun arms.” You’re doing great sweetie🥰

- HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH H

- Chris “the interrogator” Miller😎

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY

- soft n sleepy gav™️ is soft n sleepy

- FUCKING SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT GAV IN A SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT FOR SO LONG AND NOW IT’S REAL IM

- You can wear my😋😘sweeaatshiiiirt😝😁🤗 (I’m sorry I had to)

- inconspicuous loving glances™️

- #GiveAndroidsFuckinHealthcare2K20

- AAAHHHHHHHH I CANTT BREAF

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- INCONSPICUOUS LOVING GLANCES™️

- Gavin has not slept in 80 years

- He really said “I’m fine” BITCH

- Bed time for brats™️ no later than 8:30pm

- hell yeah sleepover time

- “stop lookin at my insides n shit” I want that on a t shirt

- ANDROID DREAMS

- Nines is so soft I might die

- But he’s somehow equally suave as fuck how is this fair

- Oh my god dream!gavin is like Nines’ conscious this is so presh

- “What do you think Gavin was gonna say?” nsndJSKDOFIWKDBDNDNSJDBBDJDJDJDNDJXJNDIFUIFIEKWN HES STILL THINKING ABOUT THEIR CONVO

- dream!gavin you sly dog

- “To have this. Out there.” DONT FUCK WITH MY HEART LIKE THAT THIS INNER-MONOLOGUE FLUFF IS SO SWEET

- Nines being insecure™️

- Listen to dream!gavin, Nines, he has big brain

- The fact that Nines subconsciously KNOWS that irl!Gav “just wants someone that doesn’t hate him” but he’s STILL like alas, I can never be what gavin needs :’(

- nu babie don’t be sad🥺

- oh my god they’re both train wrecks protect them at all cost

- c r i p e s❤️the reed900 hurt/comfort we all needed

- FUCK

- Concerned boyfriends™️

- Maybe “I’m fine” will be our always

- GAV🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💔💔💔💔💔💔

- Insecure boyfriends™️

- Nines “I’m not going to get any closer to Gavin because I can’t help him but also I want to cuddle with him because he had a nightmare” RK900

- did someone say c a t

- dumb babie gav jus spoon the dumb android so you both feel better

- Me: *rubs evil hands together* aha here comes the angst

- cue tragic backstory

- oh

- tragic backstory indeed

- YES DAD!FOWLER WE LOVE

- Gavin is so desperate for anyone to care about him I’m crying tears

- SHIT IT’S CUDDLE TIME™️ NOW IM REALLY FUCKING CRYING

- Alexa this is so god damn sad play despacito

- YES

- HAND>HOLDING

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- NINES’ SKIN RETRACTING WHERE THEIR HANDS ARE TOUCHING THIS IS LIKE EVERY REED900 STAN’S DREAM COME TRUE

- Oh shit it’s about to get domestic I don’t think I’m mentally prepared

- YOU CAN WEAR MY😝💪SWEEAATSHIIIIIIRT🤪🔥🔥🔥 (I’m never letting the sleeveless sweatshirt thing go)

- Uh oh NO FUCK I’ve read enough fan fiction to know that this is where Gavin’s fucking trust issues kick in and he decides pushing nines away is safer than getting closer to him SHIT

- AND NINES GETS CONFUSED AND HURT

- AND THEN GAVIN GETS HURT

- I feel angst in this Chili’s tonight

- “I need you to leave” aaaaaaahhhhhhhh here come a whole different kind of tears

- frick dude that ouches

- Insert sad babie noises

- Oml the tension☠️poor Chris and Ada are like😑😑

- Chris could solve this case all by himself change my mind

- Gavin and Nines = (ò///-///ó)

- Chris = :D~oblivious~

- HELL YEAH PARTY TIME

- BEST WIVES TINA AND VALERIE AHHHH

- reed900 who??? I don’t know her. I only know ❤️valerina❤️

- I can’t believe Gavin and Nines invented angst

- I went and got blue gatorade just so I could pretend I was drinking thirium like Nines

- #DetectiveChen2K20

- real sad gavin hours

- Ruh roh Gavin bouta die from the ‘rona virus because rat man smokes hella

- CINEMATOGRAPHY CHEEEEECK HOLY SHIT

- my entire aesthetic in a single shot jfc

- Aaaaahhhh Nines trying to be a supportive bf just makes me ;-; [takes damage]

- HES ACCEPTED GAVIN AS MORE THAN A PARTNER🥺that, my friends, is what we call character development

- We stan the otp aggressively talking about their feelings

- “I’m not going anywhere.” FUCK™️

- SMOKE>FACE

- Aaaaand they’re back at square one. It’s cool it’s fine it’s all good we can work with this.

- Gavin: I don’t need you ò-ó

- Gavin: *immediately after Nines leaves* fuck ó-ò

- “It’s fine”™️

- I love Ada so much hhhhhh she said 🤨

- “Basic Instinct” TINA WITH THE HEAT OMG

- *nervous laugh* haha Ada sis maybe chill a little bit ha ha

- oh no I have a not good feeling

- ADA CHILL ADA CHILL

- WHY IS HE FOLLOWING HER INTO AN ALLEY AFTER THAT SKETCHY TALK

- AAA FUCK FUCK FUCJDJEMNSNDJDNXU FUCK I FUCKING KNEW IT FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK

- 😖x1000000

- Oh my god this is so fucking sad Alexa play The Sound of Silence

- Nines got fucked up and Gavin is CONCERNED

- aayyyyy bro Nines full on nakey

- Tina and Gavin sad bro huggin👊😔

- ADA HOW DARE YOU. HOW VERY DARE YOU.

- Uh oh Nines is fckn PISSED

- he MAD mad

- Tina speakin straight facts I love her

- WOOP GAVIN FINALLY ADMITTING HE NEEDS NINES

- f u c k right in the heart

- I don’t want to attempt writing any notes at this moment because my thoughts are completely incoherent I am a MESS

- “I need you to come back, Nines.” DONT PLAY W ME LIKE THAT

- HAND HOLDING FTW

- Did Gavin really almost bring Nines back through the power of love I am SHAKING

- Dream!Gavin speaking truth as ALWAYS

- These damn flashbacks making me feel some type of way

- OH SHIT HE AWAKE

- that actually low key jump scared me

- God damn these sets are so fucking pro, I’m so happy

- REUNION

- Tina really say “Chris ;) ;) lets go get some ;) coffee ;) ;) ;) ;)”

- CHRIS’ REALIZATION FACE FUCKING LAID ME OUT I HAD TO PAUSE I WAS LAUGJINB SO HARD

- You Undead Asshole™️

- Gavin: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ ) fuck he actually heard me talk about my feelings n shit

- Nines: You literally told me you fucking needed me like five minutes ago

- Gavin: huh weird that doesn’t sound like me I actually hate you

- ooOOHHH S H I T

- REALLY IS THIS REALLY HAPPENIGN

- woah shit sorry I blacked out for a second what happened

- MY POOR LITTLE FUCKING REED900 HEART IS EXPLODING AND IMPLODING AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME

- CAAAAAAAAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIIIGGHTT

- holy shit I actually gave myself a bloody fucking nose because I smacked my face too hard in excitement

- ❤️💘🧡💞💕💘💓💚💛💘💞💓💛💛💞💘❤️💚💘💜💕💖❤️❤️💕💓💗💘💖💚💝❤️

- FUCK

- “What dipshit programmed you to do that?” 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️FUCK

- My aunt came in and told me she heard me shouting then asked why I was crying

- HAHA FUCKING CHRIS IS MEEEE

- shit I need to like..,,,,physically recover from that

- whew okay break time is over let’s fucking go

- Nines in the cheeky turtleneck I SEE U

- #DETECTIVECHEN2K20

- Gavin: I’m ready to take this hoe DOWN

- Initiate protocol: SAVE ADA FROM HERSELF

- I could listen to Tina talk to dispatch for hours🥰❤️❤️❤️

- WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE T

- Gavin being hella concerned boyfriend™️

- FIGHT SCENE™️

- omfg that crowbar really went *CLANG* when it hit Ada’s steel fkn abs what a legend💪😎

- Hell yeah epic Nines gif moment

- no Ada don’t choke Gavin it only makes him stronger

- CHRIS THE MOTHER FUCKIN GOAT😎👏👏👏he really said “fuck ur monologue I’m here to get shit done”

- ADA QUEEN YOURE OKAY SWEETIE

- That character development godt damn

- I might be reaching but Gavin is now wearing a white/off-white shirt/gray that kINDA RESEMBLES DREAM!GAVIN’S SHIRT. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. THATS SYMBOLISM IF I EVER DID SEE IT.

- “buyer’s remorse, huh?”

- “I can’t be everything you need.”

- That awkward moment when you realize the person you were hiding your feelings from has also been hiding their feelings from you.

- “a year of that fuckin’...Ken Doll face smirkin’ at me every day” BE CUTER GAVIN, I DARE YOU.

- naked hand = love

- CHEEKY BASTARDS

- FUCK FUCK FUCK ME

- THAT WAS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL

- So my review of this film could be summed up by saying that I basically cried for an hour and fifteen minutes.

- Holy damn

#fun game: watch the film and try to guess what each of these crazy ramblings is referring to #im still reeling from all of that #I think I need to watch it again #yes that sounds like a plan #this is kind of like a review #if it were written by an emotional crackhead who got zero sleep last night #also #happy easter babes #if u celebrate it of course #what did we do to deserve this film #jfc there are still tears in my eyes #I need to watch it again asap #Detroit evolution #octopunk media #reed900

144 notes · View notes

ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years

Text

Roguish Women Part 23

Summary: Kate Rosseau is an American who fled to Paris to escape her past life. Now she's dancing and playing the part of a courtesan at the Moulin Rouge. There she meets Tommy Shelby who thinks she can be useful in expanding his empire. But has he been blinded?

Part 23: With Tommy and Kate now separated, they both have to make sense of their new realities.

Warning: Abuse

When the devil catches up to you, what do you do? Do you fight? Or do you admit defeat?

Normally, it would be fairly easy to get Tommy out of jail, especially if it was a minor offense like breaching the peace. The Shelbys had enough pull in that sector. But it didn’t help his case that he punched one of the officers so hard that it burst a blood vessel in his eye. Still, they managed to get him released before dark the same day. Even by that time, he was still raging.

“That bastard knew we were coming.” He ranted as he stormed through the betting shop.

Polly was standing in the doorway of her office, arms crossed over her chest. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that, Thomas.”

He stopped to glare at her. “What was that?”

She pointed to his office. “She left a letter for you. I found it after you left.”

Tommy almost hesitated to go read it. He was worried what it might say. Still, he didn’t have much of a choice, so he went into his office, taking off his coat and cap as he went. As Polly said, there was an envelope sitting on his desk, addressed to him. The envelope was the same type as the ones they used in the office. Maybe she had swiped one when she was passing through. The past couple of years, Tommy had grown to recognize her handwriting. Just like he recognized the scent of her perfume, her laugh, and even the sound of her heels walking down the hallway. But he was completely unaware that he had been cataloging all these little tells. No idea that she had made such a deep impression on him. Well, he didn’t know until she was gone.

Bracing himself, he sat down at his desk and lit a cigarette. He opened the envelope and removed the folded parchment paper.

Dear Tommy,

By now you’ll know I’ve left and I don’t intend on coming back. I’m sorry it had to happen this way, but I wanted you to know that you did everything you could. In the end, this is just the way it has to be. I don’t feel I have enough time to tell you everything I want to tell you. I blame myself for that. Maybe if I had been more honest, I wouldn’t feel like I was leaving loose ends. But that’s my burden I have to carry, not yours.

There are a lot of explanations as to why I did what I did. When the devil catches up to you, what do you do? Do you fight? Or do you admit defeat? When Santo threatened you and your family, I made up my mind. I’m not a martyr, I’m the one who brought this trouble to you in the first place. It’s my responsibility to take care of it. So that’s what I’m doing now. I don’t want you at war with Santo or the Changrettas. Your family has had enough heartache as it is. To start a battle with them would only bring more grief.

I obviously can’t control you, but I would urge you to just leave it be. Don’t try to find me in America and don’t try to cause anymore trouble with the Italians. Just leave it be.

Please know that I’ve left my heart with you. I know I won’t ever love anyone the way I’ve loved you.

Please give everyone my love, including the boys in Camden Town.

Always,

Kate.

Tommy was heartbroken. Heartbroken and furious. It was a strikingly same feeling to when Grace admitted she wasn’t pregnant. Betrayed was too weak of a word. But was it that simple? His eyes scanned the letter again. She had done it to protect him and his family. Why wasn’t he enough? Why couldn’t she trust that he would take care of her? Maybe he hadn’t proved it well enough to her. Maybe she saw how Grace collapsed in that ballroom, blood pouring from her wound, and thought she would be the next victim if she stayed.

He stood up, throwing the letter to the side and pacing like a rabid dog in front of his desk. After his fourth or fifth pass, he couldn’t contain his grief. He threw a right hook at the wall with enough force to put a crack through the plaster. His brain didn’t even register the pain.

Polly stepped into his office when she heard the loud bang. Her nephew sank to his knees, cradling his bloodied knuckles to his chest. He hunched over his head low. She could remember a time when he was in the same position. Only a young man finding out his mother had passed. It seemed to be the start. The formation of a man he currently was. Life continued to throw hurdles at him, relentless blows that he tried to take with a brave face. But even when he moved past the troubles, he left a piece of himself behind.

Polly couldn’t guess what he needed most. His family could love him until the end of time but it didn’t seem to be enough. There was always something missing.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kate couldn’t even begin to understand all the different emotions that hit her when they docked in Boston Harbor. When she stepped off the gangplank, she tried not to think about how many miles were now between her and Birmingham. She figured the less she tried to think about it, the better off she would be. The less heartbroken she would be.

She was full of trepidation. Santo hadn’t said much to her on the voyage across the Atlantic. It was almost as if he was waiting until they were finally back in his territory. Back where he felt most in control. And once he was back in that seat of power, there was no telling what he would do to her.

Santo led Kate through the crowd of passengers to a Bugatti that was waiting for them.

A well-dressed man stood near it and smiled when they approached. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Miss Kate. Been quite some time, hasn’t it?”

She was well familiar with those who were closest to Santo. Every one of them was insufferable in her opinion. Only low-lifes wanted to cling to him. “Mick.” She muttered a begrudging greeting in response.

“She looks a little down, boss, was it something I said?” Mickey asked with a hand to his heart, pretending to be offended.

Santo chuckled and put a hand on Kate’s shoulder, pressing his fingers in a bit firmer than was necessary. “She’s just tired from the journey is all.”

Mickey opened the back door of the car for them. “Well, ain’t too long of a drive back. Welcome home, Katie.”

~~~~~~~~

The North End had been Santo’s home base since the beginning. The strong Italian community there was where he grew up and prospered. Kate had been there but was raised in South Boston, so she didn’t feel very at home there. She didn’t feel very at home at all in the city. It felt like such a distant part of her past, a part she wasn’t willing to revisit.

Mickey drove them through the winding, narrow streets of the North End until they reached Santo’s home. He brought their luggage inside while they stood out on the sidewalk.

Santo wrapped an arm around Kate’s waist, pulling her close. “What’d you think? Good spot, isn’t it? Got everything you need around too. Don’t have to go far for anything.”

Kate felt nauseated as she looked up at the building.

“C’mon.” He ushered her inside and upstairs.

It was a significantly nicer place than Kate’s flat back in Small Heath. The sitting room had dark wood walls and a few stiff armchairs and sofas. Santo’s wealth was on display with art pieces on the wall, gold accents, and fragile vases adorning the side tables. The corridor led to a dining room and kitchen. Another set of stairs led up to the bedrooms.

“Big improvement from that shit hole I think.” He remarked from the doorway as he watched Kate look around.

“I hate it.” She replied and glared at him pointedly.

She saw a flash of anger in his eyes but he just chuckled. “Well, you’ll learn to like it, won’t you?” He moved toward her. "This will be your home, so I think it'll grow on you."

“You stay the fuck away from me.” She warned and tried to back away from him but the back of her knees hit an arm of the sofa.

“Micina, I don’t want to fight with you. This was the arrangement. This is what you understood and agreed to before you left. Either you got the money or you married me. Simple as that. Now that you’re back, you’re going to honor that agreement.”

“I’ll honor your agreement. But I’ll loathe you until the day I die. I’ll be fucking sick to my stomach whenever I look at you. I’ll hate every moment I’m in the same room as you. I’ll wake up every morning wishing you were dead.” She spat and squared her shoulders.

That’s the breaking point she reached. Santo grabbed a fistful of her hair and slammed her face up against the nearest wall. He leaned in close to whisper in her ear. “Listen here, you ungrateful bitch. You’ll learn to appreciate me. I own you now and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it. If you fight me, if you insult me, if you ruin my image, I will send my men over to kill your beloved gypsies. And I’ll have them come back with all their heads in boxes so you can open them and see what you’ve done.”

Kate wasn’t focused on the ache throbbing in her face or the pain from him pulling her hair. She was trying not to cry so to show him he wouldn’t beat her. In the end, her dignity was all she had left. He would never take that from her. “Burn in hell.” She snarled.

“You fucking whore.” He let go of her hair and shoved her away from the wall just so he could slap her across the face. “Just you wait. If I have to beat obedience into you, I fucking will.” He jabbed a finger at her. “Now go upstairs and clean yourself up. You still smell like that disgusting city.”

Kate stormed past him and up the stairs to the third story. She found the bathroom and locked herself in it. It was devastating to see herself in the mirror. Her lip was bloodied and she already had a bruise forming on her temple. Her hair was in disarray and her eye makeup was smudged. She was furious with herself. Furious that she had fallen so low by her own fault. She let out a scream of frustration and punched the mirror. The surface cracked and distorted her reflection. Blood dripped from her knuckles as she gripped the edge of the sink.

She didn’t care if she had to fight him every day for the rest of her life. Santo would receive nothing from her. No peace. No love. No acceptance. Nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~

If Kate had been there, Tommy might have admitted he was in way over his head. With everything from the Russians to Father Hughes, he felt at his wits end. Late at night, when he couldn’t sleep, he tried to imagine what Kate might say to him.

I’m always right, Tommy, that’s why you should listen to me more.

She was nearly always right. He longed for her to be there, to tell him she was right.

“How many hours of sleep are you getting?” Polly asked moments after Esme and Lizzie left the sitting room. They had been there confronting him about bathrooms then suddenly about the robbery. God, it made his head spin.

Tommy sat down at the table. “Doesn’t fucking matter. What matters is I can’t trust Esme and I can’t trust the fucking Russians and I can’t trust me own fucking brother with anything.” He snapped agitatedly.

His aunt watched him as she lit a cigarette. “You would’ve trusted Kate with the information.”

There was no denying the facial tic when he heard her name. Many people had been wary to mention her in front of him, afraid it would set him off or just send him into a darker place. But Polly didn’t fear him.

“Kate didn’t run her mouth.” He muttered in reply, his eyes going down.

“You’re right. She kept secrets well.”

That only seemed to annoy him more. “You know there is a general lack of discipline in this fucking company.” He complained if anything just to try and steer the conversation elsewhere.

“She made her decision. It can’t keep you occupied or things will go badly. You need to focus on what you’re dealing with now.” Polly advised.

“I’m getting her back, Pol.” He spoke in a clipped manner. “I’m bringing her back home.”

“Tommy…”

“I just-I just need to kill that fucking priest and to have everything go to plan.”

“You’re grieving.” She said calmly. “Of course, you are. You lost Grace and now you’ve lost her. But I know that you make bad choices when you grieve. Now more than ever, you need a level head. Maybe you need to forget her for the time being and take care of what you can here.” It wasn’t for Polly to decide who was right or wrong. She had no ill-will toward Kate, in fact, she had always appreciated her presence to be another one of logical thinking. But she felt it was very far-fetched for Tommy to try and launch a rescue mission. Especially because she didn’t know what sort of messes they would get tangled in if he tried. Facing America mobsters on their own turf was the last thing the family needed. Not when they were already wrapped up in some convoluted plan.

“I’ll forget her when hell freezes over.” Tommy stood up. “I only told you about the priest, keep it that way.” He urged before he left in a huff.

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#tommy shelby #tommy shelby x oc #tommy shelbyxoc #tommy shelby imagine #peaky blinders #peaky blinder imagine #peaky fookin blinders #peaky blinders fanfiction #fanfiction #ofc #oc #polly gray #esme shelby #lizzie stark #arthur shelby #season 3 #grace shelby #cillian murphy #cillian murphy character

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maturemenoftvandfilms · 4 years

Text

Air Force One: George & Dick

Featuring Fr. Pres. George W. Bush & Vice Pres. Dick Cheney

Back in the early 2000s, I was an aide working at the White House during the Bush administration, George W. Bush, or Bush 43 to distinguish him from his father, George H. W. Bush, who served as the 41st president of the United States from 1989 to 1993.. Over the first year of working I got to know more about him and thought he was a pretty cool guy for his age. I think he knows I am gay, but we never discuss private lives, I guess we have nothing much in common: he's married and a father of two, but from some remarks he dropped, I believe he hasn’t had sex with her. At the time, I wasn't going to get involved with guys from work, but at least I could enjoy the view.

Another guy who I admirered from a distance was Vice President Dick Cheney. I was always a little intimidated of him, as his face was stern. Unlike President Bush, the Cheney rarely smiled, but he had a cock that just wouldn't stop. You could tell it was a huge one, because it flopped back and forth as he walked. Every day, I would stare and hide my erections.

Anyway, in November of 2003, President Bush paid a surprise visit to Baghdad on Air Force One and I was one of the aides accompanying him on the trip. A few minutes into the trip, I was getting a cup of coffee when from behind Vice President Cheney asked, “Where are you from?" in an almost downright unfriendly tone.

“I’m original from Richmond, Virginia, but I moved to D. C. here from New York City.” I replied speaking fast as his presence made me nervous as I was so stricken by his fatherly looks.

I didn’t mean to glance down at his crotch, I just did it out of habit. The big bulge caught my attention immediately, but I force my eyes away and glance at the old man’s face but even as I did so, I realized that he had seen me looking down at his crotch. Suddenly he was looking at me differently. His eyes seemed to stare at me as thought he was looking at me through a magnifying glass.

“Come to the President's office in a couple of minutes.” He told me in a low voice as he leaned his head closer to me.

��Sure thing, Mr. Vice President.” I said as he walked back to the President's office.

I stayed at the coffee maker long enough to down two more cups before it was pass the timetable and I must admit to be more than a little nervous when I knocked on the President's office door. Vice President Cheney opened the door and said, “Come in."

“Hey, young man… You suck cock?” President Bush said bluntly as I approached his desk.

And without waiting for me to answer, Vice President Cheney unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock. He pulled his hand and way from his dick and let it flop between his legs. His cut cock was one of the biggest and thickest I've ever seen resting against a set of huge balls.

“You want to suck my old pecker?” He asked, as I stood uncertain in front of him.

“Go ahead, why do you think I called you in here.” President Bush called out.

I glanced into the blue eyes of the President sitting at his desk, then knelt down in front of Vice President Cheney and grabbed dick in my hand. Then as I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes, I closed my mouth around the head of his dick and immediately he began fucking my mouth.

“Damn George, this kid is a born cocksucker.” He said he ran his hands through my hair, pumping his hips into my mouth. I almost choked on Vice President Cheney’s cock, but he kept thrusting it into my mouth.

“So he's much better than the other one we had the other day.” The President called back to Vice President Cheney.

“George, I wonder if he’s a better fuck than he was.” The Vice President as he pulled me off of his cock by the hair.

"Good show the President what a good cocksucker you are.” Looking over to President Bush, he me a nod and a smile as I worked my way over to him and pulled down his zipper. Reaching inside his slacks, found his cock, pulled it out and gave it a look see. His cock was comparable to Vice President Cheney’s cock, only being thinner. It quickly grew to about 9" inches long and began leaking clear precum which I used to rub around his tip. Then I bent down and quickly began sucking his penis down into my throat. President Bush groaned like a bear as I sucked the head and slid my tongue under the foreskin to get a good taste of him. I started sucking his cock for a while and then tried to pull his balls out through the flap, but they were too big! I figured with his skinny cock he would have small balls, but not so!

After a while I pulled away and started stroking it, President Bush ran his thick fingers through my hair and urged me to get him lubed up, so I did. Suddenly felt Vice President Cheney reaching around me and unbuckling my belt. He jerked my slacks down and then my jockey shorts.

“Nice ass.” He added as he patted first one ass cheek and then the other.

President Bush tossed Vice President Cheney a tube of something, which he smeared all over his cock. I knew what was coming and wanted it bad as my asshole was twitching with anticipation of being penetrated by Vice President Cheney’s fat dick.

“Your gonna get the fuck of your life.” He said as smeared the jelly on my opening and slipped his finger in my ass.

“Shit he’s tight George, we might have to take our time with him.” The Vice President said from behind me.

“He doesn’t want us to go slow do you son?” President Bush pulled me off of his cock by the hair.

“No Mr. President!” I had time to gasp out before he shoved me back into his furry crotch.

Looking up at him, I deep throated his long cock, relishing the feel of his presidential dick as it slid down my throat until my mouth was pressed against the fly of his pants.

“Damn! That feels great.” W called out. “Dick he’s good.”

“Yea, well let see how good his ass can take my fat pecker.” Cheney called out from behind me as I suddenly felt the head of his thick dick pressing against my asshole.

I steadied myself on all fours, closed my eyes preparing for ‘the fuck of a lifetime’ and I wasn’t disappointed. Vice President Cheney slid his lubed cock up my ass in one quick motion as I let out a yelp of pain. After he had all 8" in me, he started thrusting back and forth, holding onto my hips. I could feel his thick shaft expanding my tunnel and throbbing. I groaned with pleasure, pulling my mouth off of President Bush’s cock as each thrust, send electric waves through my body.

“Oh no you don’t, slut!” President Bush said, grabbing me by the hair and shoving me back into his crotch.

“George, you won’t believe how hot his asshole his. I bet he’s been fucked a thousand times. Hell, my fat pecker slid in him faster than into a whore’s pussy.” Cheney said as he began to pull his cock out slowly and then drive it slowly back up my ass.

With each thrust my cock began to grow some more, until I suddenly shot my load all over the floor beneath me. Dick's cock filled me up like no other cock I’d ever had inside of me before. I’d been fucked plenty of times, sometimes slowly, sometimes rough, but I’d never been fucked like this. The fact that President Bush had me by the hair and was ramming his shaft down my throat just made it better. I’d fantasized about having the two of them fucking me, but never dreamed it could be this good.

“Fuck it George, this kid is tight. Hope I don’t stretch him out too much for you.” He sneered, giving my ass a slap.

“Yeah baby, I love fucking a nice tight little ass like this.”

“Anything would be tight with that gigantic cock of yours Dick.” George smiled, letting me up for air for a few seconds.

“I love both of your cocks…” I sighed as Dick’s thrusts got even quicker and harder.

I could hear him moaning and groaning as I licked up and down President Bush's tool.

"Give it to him Dick. Fill that tight young ass with all that hot cum. C'mon grease it up for me! Fire away." George said as Dick began to really put it to me.

The room was steaming and filled with the sounds of Dick's balls slamming against my ass, my cries of being fucked and George's groans of approval. It seem like he had been fucking me for about forty minutes or something when eventually he exploded inside me, causing me to cum again. I felt his cock throb time after time and I felt his cum seeping out my ass and onto the bed beneath me. He must have shot 10 or 12 huge spurts of cum in my ass before pulling out, make a wet pop sound as it left my popped cherry.

George clapped Dick on the back as they quickly exchanged places. Before I could react, George had pressed his knob against my hole and in no time, had all 9" inches buried up my clenching hole. Between the jelly and Dick's massive load of cum, The President's cock slid easily in and out of my tight ass and I begged him to do it harder. It felt wonder as his long dick reached deeper inside my ass than Cheney's fat cock could get.

Just then, Dick slapped his cock in my face and I tongued it for all I was worth.

After 10 minutes of ass pounding ecstasy I knew I was going to cum again as George slowed his thrusts. I couldn't take it and fired my third load in less than 2 hours onto the floor. It wasn't big, but I had a good pool of sperm going on beneath me as George resumed his assault on my ass and fucked me till I was dizzy. Soon he was mumbling incoherently, signaling that I was about to get a big load up my ass. George bellowed like a bull as his cock swelled inside my tunnel and he dropped his cum deposit deep in my ass. He collapsed on me as Vice President Cheney shot a second big load on my face.

“What goes on here stays here! You say anything about what we did here to anyone and that will be your ass.” VP Cheney said as he glanced at me as though seeing me for the first time.

“I’m not going to say a word. I enjoyed it.”

#George W. Bush #Dick Cheney #fan fiction #politician #american politician #Air Force One: George & Dick

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partyinthemysterymachine · 4 years

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as a classic cats fan what did you think of the 2019 movie?

FOREWARD: i have full respect to those who enjoyed CATS 2019 and show their support and engage in that part of the fandom. rock on. very truly, honestly, sincerely, i hope you have a blast and create and share and have the best of times. welcome to the fandom, it’s great to have you here; thank you for joining us and i really, really do mean that from the bottom of my heart and soul. it really makes me happy that CATS has become something good for you like it is, and has been, for so many of us. i’m ecstatic to see the fandom expanding and i’m so very serious about that.

unfortunately this is the time to jump ship if you don’t want to hear any more complaints about it. thank you and ilu all and once again, welcome to the fold, i love that you’re joining us and y’all being here honey butters my toast xoxo

there was a 2019 movie?

runs hands down face

from the very first sneeze of an idea of doing a CATS movie went around being speculated in what.. 2012?? i have been against it because i knew it wouldn’t be done right. what i really wanted, really hoped for, what the fandom very honestly deserves and STILL does to this day and beyond is another honest, no dances cut, full on professionally shot video of the stage production again.

i’m still putting my hand to the cold glass and pulling my thin shawl around my shoulders as i gaze past the rain blurring the dreary world outside and sighing a tremendous, weary sigh because Hamilton is getting a full professionally-shot stage movie...... and CATS likely won’t ever.. and how cruel that is.

(not hatin on Hamilton, btw; im just old and bitter LOL i have zero hard feelings towards Hamilton and honestly good for them for getting that done, they deserve it)

so...... listen. i appreciate the thought and commitment to making a CATS movie. i think the biggest thing that busted my balls about it was the use and execution of the CGI cat people. ofc this is a big thing in a lot of opinions. but i’ve always been sitting here like.......

there are... decades of fanart. decades of productions and photos and costume design. but the fan. art. did anyone go in and look at it? artists have been drawing these characters a wide variety of ways, but when it boils down to the anthropomorphic take on it, i thought it was pretty damn clear how good it could look. i feel like they should have been diggin in the CATS art trenches all this time, all these years, and really taken all these artistic interpretations very seriously to heart.

it felt like a slap in the face when they overhauled nearly everyone’s design/look to the point where i don’t even know who i’m looking at. and listen, i’m here for redesigns, don’t get me wrong. i dug Jason Derulo’s Tugger design. i dug Idris Elba’s Macavity base idea because he was made a shorthair and clearly all source material says otherwise? and where’s the ginger, mate??

(NOTE: in the b’way revival the new Macavity costume is easily 99% black in contrast to the original design in which the costume was 95% red and orange. stark difference. “Macavity’s a ginger cat” contradicts the revival costume a bit since, again, it’s largely black. so in its defense, the costume’s red/orange accents are well placed and the black pays more tribute to the “very tall and thin” aspect he’s supposed to have. (the old costume was wild and hairy, it kinda puffed him out a bit, esp with the much fuller and taller wig.) the revival wig is more on par with main wigs, and it has that coppery color, the makeup is simplistic (as it needs to be added on to Plato) and the color use FOR base Plato brings out the red and etc etc etc. i like the revival costume; it didn’t go overboard on the reds and oranges, it was sleek and powerful, and oh my god you’ve got fingergless gloves with fucking fringe there is a MANE wiht FRINGE who designed that bc i gotta kiss em and offer a piece of my heart and soul)

everything felt muddled, disorganized, foreign, and god why did we do Jennyanydots that why please why are the cockroaches people please are you all ok in production? blink twice if you need help

oh yeah and the fat jokes. i think we were supposed to be getting over that but ok

very interesting thing with Macavity kidnapping the potentials. kinda dug that. fuck it up, Skimbleshanks

and speaking of fuckin Skimbleshanks you have no idea how much of my shit i lost when he started the tap number. i was over the MOON. GOOD shit, FUCK yeah, GO OFF and it was brilliant, absolutely beautiful

ALSO when i heard Judi Dench was gonna be in it i was really hopeful she’d finally play Grizabella. what a fucking treat that would’ve been. she was set to debut the role in the West End, then she tore her Achilles, so Elaine Page replaced her and the rest was history. i’ve really wanted to hear/see her Grizabella. :(

(and briefly on the topic of Grizabella i’m kinda not here for the trend of younger actresses in the role just hhhhhhhh kinda takes away and misplaces her whole vibe and story imo)

i just.. i didn’t understand some of the plot changes like how Macavity was up in everyone’s bs tryna force himself up to the Heavyside Layer, it was silly, and yeah i shouldn’t take CATS so seriously even with the longtime fan background but

gestures helplessly

y’all fr??

there were a lot of super questionable decisions across the board and all that has already been gone over by so many people a dozen billion times. on one hand, i’m glad CATS got some exposure. on the other, :( not like this

however, on a very good note (other than skimbleshanks bless him): let me tell you how EXCITED i was that they used the original Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer arrangement. what a fucking pleasant surprise. HELL yeah. i LOVE that arrangement and i’m tickled to pieces that it was chosen. good shit. good shit.

tbh as Serious and Bruh Calm Down this might all sound, it’s honestly no skin off my teeth. it’s a frustration, sure. i’m so very tired. i’m disappointed. i didn’t have any specific expectations about it, just a lot of hopes. maybe too many hopes.

being a longtime CATS fan i know as well or even better than other people what a fucking dumpster fire the show is LMAO it’s wild and it’s ridiculous and god it doesn’t make any sense, it has a plot and it has no plot and everything about it is so horny and it’s the greatest fucking thing to ever happen to me

i obviously have a lot of feelings and history with CATS, and 2019 did not “ruin” anything for me, it didn’t “taint” anything about it, despite everything i’ve complained about i don’t consider myself a purist. (ok. except about the revival choreography. some things are more sacred than the vatican.)

i don’t dig 2019 as a whole. i don’t want to completely disregard it. there are bits and pieces i did like and that i can appreciate. i wish it wasn’t done that way. i just wish we had gotten a true blue professionally shot, no dances cut, honest portrayal of the stage production.

but hey it is what it is. at the bottom of it all i’m just glad there are new people coming in and taking a look around. it’s nice to see a resurgence of the fandom. it feels really good to see more people here and loving it. i missed CATS and the CATS community. it feels so good to be home.

#ches writes #ches writes stuff #cats musical #cats the musical #anti cats 2019 #is that the tag? god i feel like such a dick tagging that lmfao #if there's another tag i need to add lmk pls #in which i barf words and do mostly complaining but also wholesome #frnkfucker69

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heyitmelexie · 4 years

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No One Compares To You (Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader) Chapter 1

Hi guys! Something new from me today!

This will be a fanfiction with several chapters. If you want to be tagged - just tell me!

Pairing: James Buchanan Barnes/The Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes x Plus Size! Reader

Word Count: 1935

Summary: You are the daughter of Pepper and Tony. Currently living isolated (by choice) in Siberia to work on your master’s exam, someone stumbles into your life and changes it completely.

Author’s Note: In this work Pepper and Tony are a couple for way longer. The Events starting with Captain America: The Winter Soldier (and following) will happen at the same time they actually did (sounds weird but I think you know what I mean).

Always here for advice so please tell me what you think and what I could do better! :)

Now enjoy ♥

----------------------------

Snow was falling heavily outside your hut. Like every day, Siberia was covered in snow, a white fairy tale, far away from any other civilization. It was just you, the forest and its inhabitants. And you loved it.

The white landscape of Siberia was a dream. An introvert’s dream, mostly, but a dream after all. Although your hut was miles and miles away from the next city you didn’t feel alone or isolated. The animals here were your friends. Thanks to a part of your mutation, you were able to communicate with all animals. You didn’t need human interaction if it wasn’t necessary. All you needed was a nice cup of hot chocolate, your fire place, a good book and occasionally a funny chat with a bear friend maybe. Doesn’t sound so bad, right?

The silence here helped a lot to focus on your studies. You studied palaeontology and were working on your master’s exam. It consumed most of your time, but it was worth it. Fascinating and exactly what you wanted to do since you watched Jurassic Park for the first time when you were about 5.

You remember the moment you first looked at the hut your dad had bought for you. And he had said jokingly “I spared no expenses” when you walked around the rooms. Luckily, he respected your wishes and didn’t make it all too extravagant. You know, Tony Stark style, all tech and stuff. But you wanted it cosy and decent and he kept it that way. It was a beautiful little wooden hut in the middle of a Siberian forest with a little pond right next to it. A little kitchen, modern but nothing high-tech. Wooden furniture with fuzzy rugs, a bunch of fluffy pillows and blankets, stuff like that. Basically how you would imagine a semi-modern wooden hut in the middle of nowhere. With a basement stuffed with food and drinks for months. Cosy as heck.

Tony didn’t mind that you weren’t a tech geek like him or a business woman like your mother Pepper, he was proud anyways. You did everything in order to reach your goals and to achieve your dreams. Never once did you complain that it was stressful to write so many essays, that it was stressful having that many deadlines. Never. The only thing you did was huff in frustration occasionally, but nothing else. You were tough, like your mother, and he appreciated it. You looked like a chubby mini-version of Pepper mixed with Merida. You were a ginger, messy curls that almost reached your butt and pale skin covered in freckles. Eyes like your mothers and a character exactly like hers, with a little bit of Tony showing sometimes. The side of Tony that messed with Pepper all the time. So Tony saw a mini-Pepper in you and Pepper saw a mini-Tony in you. Perfect.

Your childhood as the Stark kid was rather normal, considering the circumstances. Your parents always made sure that you were out of danger and didn’t witness all of the things they’ve been put through. But when you grew up and developed your mutation, they had to take action.

At the age of 5 you started to do weird things by accident. The first thing that happened was that, during a tantrum, you somehow created a small tornado that completely messed up your whole room. Baffled you had stopped crying immediately and watched in silence, fascinated yet shocked at how that could have happened. You had only felt a slight vibration rushing throughout your body but assumed it was because of the anger you had felt. Today you know it was the power soaring through your body before all hell broke loose.

It would take too long to count and explain all the things that happened after that first incident, so let’s just explain the mutation rather simple: You were able to control all five elements and connected to that you could communicate with animals. ¹ To you the mutation was a gift. You absolutely loved it and wouldn’t want it any other way. It was perfect to you. Logically you went to Charles Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. During your time there you discovered everything your mutation had to offer. Which sometimes resulted in cataclysmic situations (a huge and deep hole in the ground, a completely dried out pond, stuff like that) but today you were completely in charge of it. You used your mutation to do good things like growing trees and grass, creating wells with fresh water in regions of need, restoring sections of the rainforest, things like that. But, if necessary, you could use it as a weapon as well. You just didn’t have to, yet.

All in all your life wasn’t too bad. The only thing bothering you was your body.

You have always been a heavy kid. Your family didn’t mind, they loved you nonetheless and always thought you were the most beautiful girl in the entire universe. They always told you that it doesn’t matter if you’re thick or thin. That people might be mean towards you because they think they are better than you just because they were skinny but that their foul words would mean nothing.

One day you came home from school crying because the new kid in your class had called you bad names because of your weight and had made fun of you.

“People can be arse holes” your dad had said to you.

“Tony!” Your mother lightly slapped his arm and looked at him angrily.

“You know I’m right, Pepper. People can be really mean. So sweetie, listen to me. If they say mean things to you: Ignore them. Nothing, absolutely nothing is wrong with you. You are beyond perfect the way you are. Yes you are chubbier than other kids but you’ve got a heart of gold which they don’t have and that makes you better than them. Being kind is way more important than being skinny. You are a little angel and you make me and mommy extremely proud. And no one can ever tell us different. Because people are often very superficial and judge others by their looks. There are people that might be ‘super skinny and beautiful’ but when you get to know them they’re shit.” Another slap. You giggled a little and sniffled and he continued.

“Whatever you do in your life, remember that you do it for yourself and not for others. Never change yourself for anyone. Never let anyone tell you how to live your life and certainly never let anyone rule over you. Your life lies in your hands. Yours only. Your body doesn’t define you, but your character, your actions and the way you treat others do. So stay who and how you are. Be kind, help those that need help and do good things. And don’t you ever worry about the size and shape of your body. You are gorgeous the way you are, honey and I love you to pieces. You don’t need negative people in your life. But there will be people who will love you for who you are. And honestly? If someone thinks you’re not pretty just because you’re bigger, than they are idiots and superficial losers with sticks high up their asses.” He winked at you and you giggled. Your mom just shook her head but smiled.

It made you feel better to hear these words from your dad but the kids at school continued calling you names and bullying you. Their behaviour made you hate your body and at some point not even your parents or even auntie Nat could make you feel better.

You had always wished for a Prince Charming that would love every bit of your body passionately and that would treat you like a Greek goddess. Little did you know that someone would soon burst into your life like uncle Steve once crashed full force into a bridal shop back in the day (he had told you the story several times when you were younger) and turned it upside down, positively.

But back to your current situation. It’s around five pm. You’re sitting on your sofa, wrapped up in a blanket, a mug with hot chocolate on the table and your laptop on your legs, working on your exam paper. This week has been very successful, you’ve filled about 21 more pages and the topic captivated you more and more. You wrote about the Jurassic Park movies and their accuracy compared to the real deal back then. As much as you loved the movies, but many facts were just wrong. A 2-meter Velociraptor? Yeah, no. There were 10 more pages ahead of you and 2 more weeks of time to fill them. 120 pages in 6 months, you felt very proud of yourself.

You decided to stop writing for today. Your eyes grew heavy and your mind was empty for now. And you knew that before you could have a relaxing bath you would have to go outside and carry some wood inside for the fire place. So you put on thick clothing and stepped outside into the cold evening. ² As you made your way to the little shack that holds your wood you noticed a dark pile of something between the trees, halfway covered in snow. This doesn’t look like an animal. It’s all black and doesn’t seem to have any fur covering it. Strange.

Wondering what or who this could possibly be you slowly made your way towards it, preparing for a possible assault. Maybe it’s a human? But who, besides me, would be out here? You hadn’t seen any other human in the past almost 6 months since you live here. And someone getting lost and finding exactly your hut in this isolated area? Only a small chance but you would have to see.

As you got closer you saw a face almost completely buried in the snow. Now you realized there was actually a man lying in the snow, half frozen to death, face blue and body stiff. You felt for a pulse. First you didn’t feel anything and almost panicked but then you could feel a slight beat against your fingers and exhaled relieved. He lived.

You picked him up but struggled. He was really heavy. Not able to carry him all the way back to your hut like this you just drag him through the snow and into the warmth. You put a thick blanket in front of the fire place and him onto it. Then you used your powers to slowly warm him up and at the same time dry him off. The colour slowly crawled back into his face and you felt his pulse getting stronger.

When his body had a normal temperature again you covered him in a bunch of blankets and went into the kitchen to prepare some hot chocolate.

He was wearing weird clothing. All black and it resembled some weird kind of uniform. Also a mask covering his mouth and goggles that you both had taken off his face. It gave you a creepy feeling but for now you would have to make sure he’d get better again before you could ask him some questions.

You just took some mini marshmallows out of the bag to put them on top of the hot chocolate as a body pressed you against the counter. The person wrapped an arm tightly around your torso to hold you in place and you felt a blade being pressed against your throat.

“Move and I’ll kill you.”

(End of Chapter 1)

Author’s Note:

1) Five elements: Air, Fire, Earth, Water and Soul. I got this idea from House of Nights. The main character was able to control the soul element if I remember correctly, I read the books too many years ago to remember any details but this is only an explanation as to why I am referring to five elements rather than four as people usually do. I also personally think seeing the soul as a fifth element is quite logical, it’s as natural as the other elements. But this is not just the soul of a human, it’s basically also the soul of animals and plants etc. It will occur that I’ll talk about auras and moods and stuff like that. Like, seeing the aura of people mostly (like the concept of Vampire Academy), the aura having different colours indicating their moods and states of their souls and stuff like that. I will also create a little legend that tells you what colour means which mood or state of mind/soul.

2) Of course basically you could warm yourself up with your mutation but everything has a price. Using it too much means you’re also using your own energy and that is exhausting. So you rather only use it if you have to, saving your energy.

#bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #plus size #plus size reader #tony stark #pepper potts #Steve Rogers #captain america #black widow #natasha romanoff #fanfiction #bucky barns x reader #bucky barnes x plus size reader

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itsthatsillygoose · 5 years

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Kit, a raggedy ass analysis

I wrote an analysis of forthbeam last week and y'all we're dragging the others to hell saying they weren't as complex so let me prove you wrong starting with Kit ft. a lot of Ming. If u want my summery Mingkit analysis it's the last paragraph on this post but I'll post it separately too:

Something that really intrigues me about kit is his capacity for other people’s attention. We see through out the first series that Beam is quite a ladies man and is seen many times trying to hit on the stars of the university but for Kit this is rare. Aside from Pha, Beam and Forth, Kit is rarely seen interacting with anyone one else closely and think that speaks volumes of his personality. He may be stubborn and sometimes aggressive but I think deep down he's compensating for a lack of security, all he really wants is that resounding feeling of safety and he finds that with in the tight knit friendship between him, Beam and Pha; and perhaps that’s what makes his relationship with Ming so infatuating.

Ming is the very definition of what Kit seems to avoid, he is bold and loud, clumsy with his feelings, a stranger. He's a player and doesn't need that sense of security like the other which seemed to be the biggest red flag to kit during their development. Imediately when the two first properly meet there’s a sense of surprise from the shorter when he finds that Ming still remembers him, and straight away he throws up his guard. Through out at least the series so far it's almost like Kit wants himself to hate Ming or at least he feels like he should; he knows Ming is everything he seeks to avoid and so he tries to act accordingly. He constantly seems frustrated around him but rather than being agitated by Ming, I think what's really bothering him is himself and the way he can't help but yearn for these moments of having the other around. Doesn't make sence right? Surely he'd be happy if he actually wanted to see him? Well you'd figure, but perhaps it causes Kit such anguish as he knows while having Ming around he loses control and he doesnt want to give him self the oppertunity to get to know him or like him as even just a friend,,, and so instead he snaps at him. Again I think this was a really subtle and lovely way of displaying Kits issue; he truly is an increadible example of head vs heart.

I loved looking deeper into these two as they appear to have such a typical dynamic of cat and dog, but I really think the second series explored so much deeper into their personalities and character. I think what is really being portreyed by these two is so much more than just a spunky journey of two boys in love. Really I think that we delve into dealing with the concept of searching for trust and a sense of clarity in not only someone else but yourself too. I do think that kit is perhaps the “protagonist’ of this idea. Ming is very much the big scary monster in the dark for him. Whether Kit had had partners before or not I'm unsure but I think the reason why Ming really affected him so incredibly was that he’d never been loved in such a way, so shamelessly and intensely, especially by someone like Ming. Someone he’s so unalike in so many ways. Really I think their arch isn’t about Ming breaking into Kit's abrasive character but rather Kit searching for truth and a reason to believe in ming and the insecurities on both ends of that.

We see many times that kit is appalled by Mings ways, for example the way ming had so many ex partners, this was such a big piece information to just be brushed over; infact its exactly what knocked kit so far from feeling like he could reach out and grasp onto Ming. Again referring back to before, I think kit really yearns for a sence of safety in everyone he brings close to him, a place to relax, someone he can trust enough to not hide behind his front; he doesn’t care to be played with or used so seeing that ming would throw away his past relationships so readily perhaps triggered that insecurity as he rightly so doesn't feel that sense of security with ming. He appears unpredictable to Kit, almost as if he throws his feeling around carelessly, but we know this isn't true and that in fact Ming is increadibly predictable.

We see more of this when Kit storms away at the beach telling ming to stay where he is (which he does). Personally this is still one of my favourite scenes as it's fucking bursting with emotion and crammed with developing concepts i've already mentioned but it really does just get me every time. There's so much to unpick, it really was the turning point for the two- at least in my eyes. It admittedly does just appear as if Kit got short tempered and barked at Ming who then got upset and sulked, but really the scene is a lot meatier. It was really a big eye opener for kit as though neither of them spoke about what happened, it really felt like they both knew Ming was proving to kit that he takes his word seriously, and isn't afraid to commit to him. Kit seemed guilty when the scene returned to him and the others drinking but when Ming was dragged in by another friend Kit seems shocked realizing he probably would have sat there all night if it had played out that way. Maybe he assumed ming had gone back to his room but the fact he didnt was such a slap in the face. I love this cause Ming stares at him sadly, knowing full well he's proven a point. Kit knows he's upset Ming and realises that rather than Ming not taking the idea of a relationship seriously, perhaps he himself was the one dismissing any chance of something real, some clarity. Maybe he was his own scary monster in the dark. He knows full well that Ming is harmless or else he wouldn't have appeared so guilty when returning to the hang out without him.

The whole beamkit scene where beam pulled a doozy on us and pretended he and kit were dating is another obvious telling of his character, (nines expressions in those few seconds were fucking ace btw, the absolute utter panic swirling into sorry eyes, then a punch in the gut and finally regret) in those few moments alone its obvious that he knows he's done Ming wrong, but if you really look closer there's a whole ugly ass betrayal hiding in there. In the chat they just had in a prior scene, Kit makes a point out of not wanting to get hurt by Ming leading him on only to ditch him for another person, but what did kit just do to Ming? Huh?¿?? Exactly, its easily missed but it's an awesome detail i picked up when diving into this and i have to say it was another perfect example of Kit being flung between head vs heart. Kit's been trying so hard to get Ming to use his head rather than his heart, but by using his own head to try and protect him self Kit's only gone and done the exact thing he was so afraid happening to himself to Ming. I think realising this he understands that even though they're so different and worlds apart, they're both just dumb fucking humans and he shouldnt be so hard on Ming, especially when Ming's been nothing but loyal and honest. Perhaps Kit is scared of committing but he's projecting that onto Ming because he doesn't want to admit it, he only sees what he wants to see because thats all he knows after putting up a front for so long when ever his emotional well being is threatened.

Honestly Kit's really just been his own problem this entire show and he really ought to sit the fuck down and let him self live 👏🏻

Thought it was endearing when he took Pha out so he could get drunk. Obviously getting wasted to forget your problems isn't particularly endearing, but like i said about Beam last week, it makes him feel more human. Especially when Beam shows up acting like the whole beamkit couple thing was a joke (when it clearly wasn't) and Kit's just like fuck you you're so annoying. Smh he really is boo boo that fool. He's just so completey oblivious that his best friend in the entire world is head over heels in love with him, so gullible just believing what ever the fuck anyone says. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt seen as he was drunk but Idk it just tickles me that he's always so tense and always so on guard yet the level of dumbassery is just,,,, how's he gonna be a doctor when he's literally a raw nerve on fucking legs. Bless.

He really lets things bother him, but he's much more readable than beam which we know even just from Phana knowing right away what was up. The fact he hid from Ming when Ming entered the bar(?) too really emphasized how completely not as hard as nails he is despite how he tends to act tough. Thought that was a sweet detail in unravelling Kit's personality and how Ming seems already to have completely knocked his walls down; Kit's not even trying to act like he's unaffected anymore.

We all joke about Beam being an emotional wreck but fr kits really not that far behind. He deals with everything horribly and always seems to make shit worse for both himself and Ming. He just wants what's best for everyone but sometimes that's harder than it looks and he really proved that. He goes into panic mode if Ming so much as breaths in his direction which actually does the complete opposite of intended as rather than seeming tough and cold, it just shows Ming that Kit's easily flustered around him, EG, HE FUCKING LIKES HIM, KIT JUST WRITE IT ON YOUR FOREHEAD AT THIS POINT. He thinks he's so mysterious fr, boy the whole world and it's goldfish has you sussed, who do you think your fooling with that attitude?

Can't not mention the kiss and how sweet that was on Kit's end. After all that mess and acting unaffected, as soon as he sees Ming move towards him he imediately melts back into his big softie boyf as if he'd been waiting a life time to kiss him. He literally called him a 'bastard' seconds before, if that ain't some sort of chaotic then what the fuck is he. Jkjk, back to the point, Kit does this thing where he lies to him self, C O N S T A N T L Y. He's forever telling himself that he's in control, he's forever telling himself that Ming's out to get him, he's forever acting as if he doesn't want anything to do with Ming, but this scene was so satisfying cause it really just ripped everything he'd been pretending to be from right underneath him. He kissed Ming so readily and for the first time in the relationship he actually seemed put together and calm and in control. He's never known what to do with Ming's attention yet here and now with his lips on his all he could do was reach out and grasp on to his 'scary monster in the dark' (Side note i absolutely fucking adore how Kit's gone from being so rough and brash with Ming to being so ridiculously shy after the kiss. I think it's forced him to face facts and he finally realised there was no point in keeping up his walls. Ming knows now, theres no need. It's sweet showing his vulnerable side for once, this is some healthy character development i can get behind.)

You'll have noticed this gradually got less formal and is slowly making less and less sense. That's because as i'm writing this it's 5:40am and the brain juice is running low but the next bit should be a pinch more coherent sorry,

What i love about Kit and Ming's relationship is the whole role reverse as the series progressed. At the beginning we see Kit, part of a solid group of friends and he's comfortable and confident where as Ming's just a new student at the university, finding his feet. We expect him to perhaps be naïve or immature, and yes he's a little clingy but really Ming is one of the most stable characters going and exactly what kit needs despite how he first appeared. Not once has Ming changed his goal of pursuing kit, not once has he fucked up, not once has he ever panicked. Ming- even though he's sulky- is really quite mature with his dealing of Kit. He's honest and really does what ever he can to make it work. I loved the example of this where he backed off after the kiss. It was so so sweet considering how clingy he usually is, and it really shows he takes great time and contemplation when considering Kits feelings and that he has a really deep understanding of how Kit's mind actually works and how he may react. He backs off knowing Kit likes his space and that maybe he over stepped the line pretending to be black out drunk, but again i really love this as this creates that safe space and feeling of clarity that i keep bringing up as it meant kit could reach out in his own time and really come to terms with things without any pressure. It meant that for once Kit would have to make the move to communicate and take a step in their relationship and i think for Ming to take that initiative to really somewhat place their fate in Kits hands for a while was really quite sweet and mature of him. We stan our emotionally healthy engineering boys fr. We come to realise by now that perhaps Kit is actually quite bashful and somewhat of a baby dear when it comes to emotions, charging head first into anything but initially losing his footing right off the get go. But Ming is stable, he is collected and cool and surprisingly gentle. Its really quite tell tale that kit spoke so much about ming maybe lacking in commitment when really he was the one too afraid to commit, he was clearly insecure. This arch really was kit heavy and though i already said what i think their arch focuses on, i just want to add that it also explores growth and becoming a better person because of a relationship. They bounce off eachother in such an interesting way, and so intunely that they cant help but work. Kit never knows what to say or how to approach ming but its okay, Ming has that covered and always comes to find him. Ming's very flirtatious, and kit and easy to fluster. Kit needs time and Ming is patient. All these little north and south traits really just pull together and i love how these two were written with such harmony. I know I've delved way deeper than was ever intended for these characters but i think we shouldn't take for granted the complexity of such a wonderful thing.

This is the reason why i think 2moons2 is miles ahead of 2moons the series. Aside from the cringe music, over dramatic zooms and lingering shots which can sometimes make it difficult to watch, 2moons2 really seeks complexity in each character and i admire that itch to bring them to life as i feel 2moons was increadibly 2D in this aspect. I only really believed in Kit when i watched that series, but 2moons2 really forces you to believe and invest in every main character and i just think as someone who writes that it's rather lovely.

What are your thoughts? Do comment if you have time, I'd love to hear more on these two :)

#2moons2 #2moons2 the series #2moons #2moons the series #2 moons 2 #pha #phana x wayo #phana #phayo #wayo #mingkwan #mingkit #ming #kitkat #kit #forthbeam #forth #beam

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bellamyblake · 5 years

Text

Crash and burn

Bellamy and Clarke are on their way back home when he crashes the rover and gets them stranded in the middle of nowhere. Now Clarke's hurt and he has to carry her home all the while he makes her talk so she could stay awake and they bicker about everything.

Could also be found on Ao3

It happens out of nowhere.

He's driving the rover when she sneezes and he just can't help but look at her because Clarke makes the sweetest face whenever she sneezes, her nose scrunches up in this adorable way,her little eyebrows furrow like a kid who's been denied ice cream and her eyes get this deeper kind of blue when she's done.

The thing is she's a loud and messy sneezer and she always gets mad at herself for making a mess of her face which in turn produces the most honest deep belly laughs out of him.

So of course when she wakes up from her short nap on their way home to camp and she sneezes, he has to look.

And that's where he makes a big mistake.

Before he knows it, he's laughing, he sees that cute adorable eyebrow frown but then she's yelling his name, he looks up and sees a deer in their path.

He turns the wheel sharply and because it's been raining all week, the rover doesn't just go right but is instead send almost flying down a steeper hill.

He tries to gain control and he manages to miss a big tree but it's too muddy and he feels them rolling over.

He yells her name and stretches his right arm over her chest to keep her small body from getting hurt, mentally cursing himself for not letting Raven fix the seat belts before they left.

They had been in such a rush which now seems so damn stupid and insignificant to him.

They roll over at least twice before the rover stops with her side of it pressed to the ground and he groans loudly.

"Clarke-" he calls her name and tries to remove his arm from her chest. The windshield had broken and some of it was stuck in his hand but that wasn't the problem- when he tries to move it, he feels a sharp pain that starts from his shoulder and spreads down all the way to his fingers.

"Clarke, wake up!" He tries again but she seems to be unconscious, half her face is covered in blood that goes down to her neck. "Shit." He mumbles when he catches the smell of something burning.

Fuck, they must've crashed really hard if this this damn rover felt like exploding.

He needs to get her out of there.

He tries shaking her shoulder gently once more and when he doesn't get a reaction out of her, he is frightened.

With his good arm, he pushes his door and after a few tries and some painful yelling, he manages to open it up.

"Hold on, princess, I am getting us out of here"

He carefully wraps his arms around her torso and when he manages to get a good look at her head wound he curses. This is worse than he'd imagined and there was so much fucking blood.

Somehow, he manages to drag her out, ignoring the pain in his arm that is twisted so unnaturally, and the feeling of something warm oozing from his side.

He can't care about himself, all that matters here is Clarke.

"Come on, princess" he pats her cheek again when he has managed to push them as far away from the burning rover as he could, leaning his back on a tree, with her body sprawled in his lap.

"Wake up and be a stubborn asshole, please"

For a moment he doesn't get any reaction out of her and he squeezes his eyes shut.

This can't be happening.

Getting in a damn accident when they were coming home with the good news of a trade treaty with both the Trikru and the Trishanakru villages nearby.

They were supposed to be bringing peace and hope home, not crashing the rover and losing their only means of transportation.

"I am never a stubborn asshole" her voice makes his eyes snap wide open and he finds her looking up, her eyes dizzy, her lips barely moving.

"Oh thank god" he breathes his thoughts away and she gives him a smirk. He swears sometimes she's cockier than he is. His shaky hand covers the wound on her head "This is bleeding way too much, princess"

"Head wounds tend to bleed excessively." she recites and he’s reminded of the first-aid classes he had as a cadet.

"That's not a comforting thought right now. I need to wrap it up." He reaches out to tug his blue shirt off and bites down the burning pain in his shoulder.

She lifts her head up and catches a glimpse of the rover but the movement makes her dizzy and her head falls back on his lap.

"Don't move!" He warns and pushes her shoulder down, giving her an angry look.

She finally manages to focus on him- his left eye is swollen almost shut, his face is covered with small scratches- the windshield must've broken.

Then her gaze moves down to his now naked chest and she catches sight of a big bruise and a pretty nasty gash on his side but it is his right arm that's the worst of it.

It's twisted unnaturally, probably dislocated and there are tiny shreds of glass stuck from his elbow to his wrist which is also swollen.

"You're bad." She tries to reach her hand and cup his face but he catches her wrist and puts it down over her stomach.

"I said don't move" he groans angrily and carefully lifts her head up and wraps his shirt over the wound.

"I liked that shirt." She mumbles and touches the improvised bandage.

"You did,huh?" He teases and she slaps his leg which makes him chuckle and forget just for a brief moment that they aren’t at least forty minutes from home, stuck in a fucking forest in the middle of nowhere with the spring storms raging every night.

“Yes, it fit you nicely” she says and she must surely have a concussion cause she wouldn’t otherwise look at him that way.

Okay, that’s a lie. That is a fucking lie.

She looks at him that way.

And he does too.

When they are out with their delinquent children by the river having fun, when they need to solve the next crises and they spent countless of hours in her cabin discussing how to ration so that they could survive the winter, when half the kids get the flu and she is lacking medicine, when someone’s roof falls through or someone breaks a leg and they need to figure how to cover the guard shifts.

But mostly...even if he doesn’t want to admit it, he looks at her that way when her eyes start drooping from exhaustion and he needs to swipe her in his arms and carry her to bed.

Or when she stares at the pile of apples longingly but doesn’t dare take one so he shoves a bunch in her hands.

Or when she has just washed her hair and she somehow smells of lavender and herbs and sea.

How the hell did she smell like sea when they live miles away from it, he has no idea.

That need, that longing, the stolen caresses of his thumb on her lips, the gentle squeeze of his fingers on her wrist, the careful pull of her waist to his chest, wrapping her up and keeping her safe from the cold winter breeze-it never seized to knock the breath out of him.

He could kiss her forehead thinking how he longs for her lips but he won’t go there.

Not yet. She’s not ready. He’s not sure how ready he is either but he would never pressure her.

One day, maybe.

If they have a one day after this fucking crash, that is.

“Well it brings out the blue in your eyes now, so you can keep it.” his thumb caresses her cheek carefully and there’s a faint blush down her neck which makes his heart beat out of his chest.

That, or he just has internal trauma and he might pass out soon.

“It’s so soft.” she brings her hand up to touch the shirt that’s already soaking in her blood “Like you.”

“Okay, you definitely have a concussion, princess.”

“I’m tired...”her eyes start drooping again and he panics.

“No, no, stay with me okay, don’t fall asleep on me now. You need to stay awake.” he pats her cheek again and looks around helplessly.

He needs to figure something out, it’ll be dark soon but he thinks that if he wraps her up in his arms carefully he may carry her back home.

He doesn’t really see any other options.

“Stay here.” he says “Talk to me, okay? I need to listen to your voice.”

“I’ll remind you of that next time you tell me to shove it during council meetings.” he huffs and carefully slips away from her, putting her head on his folded jacket.

“Tell me about the medbay you want me to build you.” he orders as he carefully stands up.

He sways on his feet when he gets up and he’s glad she misses it. Using the tree for support, he takes a second to breathe in and look around.

The rover was still burning up front but he knew he had a few minutes before it was completely swallowed in flames.

“You changed your mind?” he hears her ask in disbelief as he opens the back door and fumbles to find the first aid kit and his back pack that had some extra bandages and water.

“Yes, I’ll start on it as soon as we come home, I promise.”

Ever since the delinquents split from camp Jaha a few months back, she’s been begging him to build her a medbay.

There was a tent they had fashioned as one but as soon as the cold winter winds came in, it’d be useless.

“I need to keep the kids safe, Bellamy.” she had argued and he had huffed annoyed.

“And I need to keep them fed. Having a kitchen, a mess hall, a smoke house for the meat and a storage for the food is more important.”

“Tell this to your ass when you get the flu next winter!”

“Oh, you can bet I will!”

“Asshole!”

“Princess!”

“Idiot.”

“Come up with something better, nerd.”

“YOU’RE CALLING ME A NERD? YOU REREAD THE ILIAD EVERY EVENING!”

“Shut up!” he had tossed a pillow at her and she had stuck his tongue out at him.

His heart aches for that moment right now.

“Talk to me” he keeps prompting her, afraid she’ll fall asleep “What do you want there, how big should it be?”

“At least twice the size of my cabin.”

“Oh, you wish, princess.” he mumbles a “thank god” when he grabs the med kit, pulls his back pack out and rushes to go back to her. “That will take months!”

“What’s that?”

“Water, come on.” he helps her take a few sips and she almost chokes on them but he keeps her head up steadily. “How do you feel?”

“Shitty”

“Okay, hold still.” he carefully unwraps his shirt from her head, cleans the wound as much as he can gets on bandaging it right away before she bleeds out even more.

“Too tight.”

“Sorry”

“You need to clean your gash too. And your shoulder’s dislocated.”

“Thanks for the diagnosis, doc but I’m fine.”

“You always say that.” her finger moves up and pokes his chest. Normally he’d find it endearing but she seems so serious right now “But what about you?”

“I can take good care of myself, princess. And you’re not one to talk.”

“That’s not true.” he raises an eyebrow.

“You fight me when I give you an apple. An apple, Clarke.”

“Well some kid needs it more.”

“You’re unbelievable.” he finishes up the bandage then his hands move down to check the rest of her. There’s nothing major, mostly cuts and bruises, but when he gets to her left leg he finds her ankle is swollen.

Okay, he’s definitely carrying her.

“Alright, buckle up, princess, we’re going home.”

“What?” she moves her head up with a groan and he has to push her back down. “Bellamy, you can’t, you’re hurt too.”

“It’s just a scratch.” he dismisses her as he takes off his jacket from under her head and puts it back on to hide the bleeding gash away. “And we need to move before this damn thing explodes in our faces.”

“Your shoulder-”

“Is fine. Come on now.” he kneels down and carefully moves her up into a sitting position.

He knows it goes black before her eyes the minute he does and he hopes that it’s just a really bad concussion and there won’t be any other lasting damages.

Bellamy gives her a minute and when she opens her eyes again and gives him a slight nod he lifts her up.

It takes him every ounce of strength he has left now to yell from the pain in his shoulder.

And she notices it.

“No, uh-uh, put me back down.”

“I’d love it if you could cut down on bossing me around right now, princess.” he takes a step and god it hurts, his side tugs uncomfortably and he feels the cut bleed under the weight of her body.

“Bellamy” she tries to wiggle out of him but he tightens his grip and strides on.

He can do this. He can.

“You can make permanent damage.”

“I won’t.”

“It’s your dominant hand, you won’t be able to shoot.”

“Will you stop with the theatrics now, Clarke”

“No.” she’s scrunching up her nose in that adorable way that got them in this mess in the first place. “Fine, think about all your one-night stands.”

“WHAT?” he stops abruptly and that makes her groan. The world sways before her and she takes a second to close her eyes.

“Well I would hate for you to lose your sex god reputation over a dislocated shoulder.”

“I don’t think that would be a problem.” he hadn’t been sleeping around in a while, months...if not a year. He hadn’t really had the need to.

“No?” he shakes his head at that and she gives him a serious look.

Hasn’t she noticed that he’s been spending most of his days by her side? Either that or building cabins and sorting out schedules or hunting.

“Well at the very least if you have to jerk off, you’d need your good hand-”

“Can we please stop discussing my sex life?” he raises his voice annoyed and she chuckles, burying her head in his chest.

God her hair smelled so good even now, it’s killing him.

She pats his chest gently.

“Whatever you need, Casanova.”

“Who’s that?”

“Seriously? Have you not seen the movie?”

“You’re forgetting I was raised in Factory, princess. I didn’t have your way of life.”

“So you’ve never seen a movie? A football game? Those annoying documentaries about insects?” he shrugs and keeps his eyes on the horizon.

She doesn’t miss the way he winces every time he takes a step and how his arm falls down and he has to haul her back up which results in him grunting.

“All we had were books. My mom would trade them for things when I was little. She’d offer to mend someone’s shirt or make a dress or lend something. It’s how it worked. When I got older after Octavia was born, I’d trade my own possessions or work for it.”

“Work?”

“There was this sneaky guy, the Weasel we called him, who was in charge of one of the storages in Factory. He’d make me move boxes all day long for him and in the end he’d take me to the corner where he kept the books and let me pick one.”

“How old were you then?”

“About ten.”

“So Octavia was already born?” he nods.

“I did it for her, mostly. She loved me coming home reading to her before bed. I’d memorize them, so when I traded one book for another, I could retell them over and over for her.”

“Even the Iliad?”she asks curiously and watches as his face grows paler. She doesn’t know how long they’ve been walking but he already looked worse.

Bellamy shakes his head.

“The Iliad was given from my father to my mother. We never traded it.” she nods, she hadn’t heard him talk about his dad before, didn’t think he even knew him.

“She’d read it to me for as long as I could remember. I liked sitting on her lap and pressing my back to her chest, listening to her read page after page.”

“You loved it, didn’t you?” he was a nerd from the age of three, that cute freckled idiot of hers.

“I did. Moreover I wanted to decipher the words, know what every line said. I wanted to read it on my own.”

“So how old were you when you figured out how to do that?” a smile creeps up on his face.

“Five.”

“Nerd”

He shrugs shamelessly and stops again, this time not so abruptly so as not to jerk her but she can see he’s trying very hard to hold on.

“We need to stop. Put me back on my feet.”

“You can’t walk.”he shakes his head stubbornly “I just need a minute. We’re close.”

She reaches to touch his face when she realizes she can feel something wet on her ribs. Her hand goes down to her side but instead of a cut on herself, she realizes the blood is coming from his gash.

“Bellamy, you’re bleeding”

“Shh, we’re almost there.” he kneels down for a second, cradles her closer to his chest and her hand falls down to his wound.

He’s struggling to breathe and she tries to lift herself up and ease some of the weight from his arms but every time she does, it goes black before her eyes.

“Bellamy-”

“Tell me something, anything, talk...please.” he asks of her, closing his eyes for a minute, trying to get it together.

He could do it. He had to.

He could see the camp’s gates in the distance, they were very close. He’d bring her to safety, Jackson will fix her head, wrap her ankle and he’d take a nap and wake up as good as new.

She was exaggerating-hе wasn’t bleeding that bad. He’d had it worse. Like that time he had that panther almost eat him alive. Now that had been memorable. This...this was nothing.

“I need you to move in with me.”

“EXCUSE ME?” he yells for the second time today and he opens his eyes breathlessly

“You heard me.”

“I’m not sure I did.”

“Don’t be an idiot, you know it’s the smart thing to do. You can’t keep living in a tent while you build half the kids cabins and leave yourself last.”

“I’ll move in with Octavia and Lincoln’s when theirs is done.”

“Are you telling me you want to be listening to your sister fuck her future husband while you try to catch up on your sleep?”

“I hate you. I really do.” he groans pushing the thoughts of his sister’s sex life away, lifts her up and starts walking again.

As far as distraction tactics go, she truly chose a smart one.

“Your bed was soaked from the rain last night. Do you need me to remind you what happened the last time you were sick?”

He had been miserable that’s what has happened.

It was in the middle of January when he fell in the river down the hill while fooling around with Miller, trying to prove he can “ice skate”.

He had almost drowned in the freezing water and they dragged him home shaking and blue.

Clarke had actually been terrified at how low his body temperature was, fearing he won’t recover or at least not fully, but then the color in his cheek had returned and she had allowed herself to breathe.

Then the idiot got a cough. It turned into a full blown pneumonia and he was the most annoying ass on the planet. Even his sister couldn’t bear to be anywhere near him.

“I’m fine. I can bunk with Miller.”

“Would it actually kill you to share a room with me? You can sleep on the floor for all I care.” I just need to know you’re safe, is what she wanted to add but couldn’t bring herself to.

She was feeling more and more drowsy with every step he took, it’s like she was a baby and he was lulling her to sleep. That...or she had truly lost a lot of blood. Maybe they’ll both just pass out in the middle of nowhere and get eaten by the wolves.

“We can even bet on it if you’d want.”

He laughs at that. They have a really bad history with bets. Mostly because as much as he doesn’t want to admit it...she tends to win most of them. She drank him under the table a few months ago and he was so angry he went on that hunting trip and got himself in the panther trouble. Then a few weeks ago they were racing to the river and she beat him by just a few seconds so he had to come back to camp without pants resulting in the delinquents laughing their asses out.

Yes...one could say, he didn’t like their bets.

“Fine, princess. If you promise to stay awake with me till we reach camp, I’ll move in with you.”

“Damn...” she says drowsily “That was a smart one, I’ll give you that.” he smiles at her and his heart skips another beat when he notices her head lolling and her eyes drooping even more.

Shit...she really lost a lot of blood.

“Hey, hey, stay with me okay? We’re almost there.”

“I AM. I’m just resting my eyes.” she utters and when he realizes how broken her voice is he gets really scared for the first time today.

“Well open them up for me, will you?” he shakes her a bit and his shoulder protests with the movement.

He’s afraid he might drop her, his arm feels so numb and it won’t cooperate no matter how hard he’s trying to hold onto her and keep her safe. He feels like it’s his sheer unbelievable amount of stubbornness that’s keeping them both moving right now.

“Bell, I’m tired-”

“I know, princess, I know. Just a few minutes, we’re almost there.” he says but she closes her eyes and buries her head closer to his chest “Clarke, come on! No, don’t do this to me,please. Come on, princess, wake up!” he shakes her a little roughly and curses “Goddammit.” he’s almost at the camp gates, he can already hear the kids on duty yelling at the sight of them.

They’ll be here any minute.

But he keeps on walking, he’s not giving up now.

“I swear to god if you don’t wake up-” he says breathlessly and commands his legs to keep going but he sways badly and he ends up on his knees, trying to cushion the blow for her with his body, pressing her closer to his chest.

He looks up-they made it. They’re home, he can see the gates opening up already, kids shouting. They’re safe. He did it.

His eyes fall back down on her-looking at her like that he would think she’s just sleeping after an exhausting day but her uneven breathing and the paleness of her face say otherwise.

“Clarke, don’t be an idiot. I know you want to win that bet!” he leans closer,cups her cheek with his bloody hand, listens to her ragged breathing. She’s barely there anymore

“The thing is...I want you to win that bet.” he whispers and his lips hover over her forehead “Come on, don’t leave me hanging.”

“Oh my god, you’re so sappy.” the words are so barely audible he feels like he missed them, but then he opens his eyes and he sees her looking up at him.

Sweat is covering her forehead, her pupils are dilated, she couldn’t probably even focus on his face right now, but she was awake. She was there.

And she tricked him. She was awake all this time, she just wanted to make him sweat for it.

And he doesn’t care, he truly doesn’t.

A quiet laugh escapes his lips and he leans down to kiss her forehead.

He’s never been more relieved in his life.

“Bellamy! Clarke!” he looks up and finds Miller and Monty running to them. He exhales and let’s them take her from his arms.

“Careful with her head” he warns and tries to get back on his feet but the minute he does, he sways again and this time he doesn’t have the strength to cushion the fall, he simply collapses on the ground.

He wakes up in medbay, not in their camp, but in Arkadia-his arm’s wrapped in a sling and his side is bandaged. He groans when he tries to sit up and hears a familiar chuckle next to him.

“I told mom you’d try to get up as soon as you wake up.”

“Clarke” her head was wrapped in a tight bandage, way better looking than the one he had fashioned for her, and her ankle was propped up on a pillow. “Are you okay?”

“Fine. But the kids got scared so they radioed mom in and they got us here. Which once again proves my point that we need our own medbay.” he groans frustrated.

“I’ll get right on it, princess.”

“You’re not using that arm for at least a month.”

“You wish”

“Bellamy!”

“Clarke?”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“That’s how you’re thanking me for saving your ass?” he huffs but keeps his eyes on her, cataloging every cut and bruise, making a mental reminder to check on them for her.

“I’m sorry...you’re right.” his eyes go wide at that and she looks away “Come on, don’t be an ass about it. Mom said you really screwed up your arm but if you hadn’t brought me home on time, I would’ve bled out.”

He waves his good hand dismissively.

“It was my fault anyway. I crashed the rover.”

“I think you should be more concerned with the fact that Raven wants to kill you.” they both laugh at that.

“Well the good thing is, I can hide in your cabin now.” she smiles and reaches out.

His fingers wrap around her hand so perfectly, she’s so warm and soft, but so damn strong too.

God, he loved her. He doesn’t know when he’d have the chance to tell her that, but whenever it is...he’ll make sure she gets it. He’ll make sure she understands that his heart belongs to her.

“Yes... yes you can.”

They talk until their eyes start drooping and they doze off again.

Abby finds them like this-holding their hands in their sleep.

#the 100 #bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #bellarke fanfic #hurt/comfort #injuries #fluff #basically they are cute hurt idiots #i think yall know by now that i mostly write hurt comfort #and i try to fill in on whatever scenario comes up in my head #anyway let me know if you like this #my writing

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arthur-his-hat · 5 years

Text

modern-day dad!arthur :

SFW

jesus he literally LOVES having his kids friends over for play dates

he likes being able to make his kids little snacks like pigs in a blanket and all that— but mostly he likes making them happy :-))

he has a two sons and a daughter. his youngest is one of the sons, he’s in elementary school and his best friend is ALWAYS over.

as arthur’s S/O, you’ll have to put up with his constantly panicking over whether or not he’s a good dad and lemme tell ya

he is

he never puts ANYTHING over his children. he’s always making sure they’re happy, healthy, and flurousing.

you and arthur don’t punish your kids for having bad grades, you punish them for not trying.

your oldest son has a little bit of trouble with his grades but it isn’t bc he doesn’t try rlly hard it’s just bc he’s one of those people that just doesn’t learn easily

arthur helps him with his homework whenever he needs help

your daughter is the oldest, she’s in high school and she’s actually valedictorian for her senior year !!!! a lot of that has to do with the fact that you and arthur encourage your kids to be happy :-))) so she works hard to live up to that

okay so arthur has a pickup truck we have ALL established that, so when the kids are at their friends houses or whatever you and arthur lay blankets down in the bed of the truck and watch the stars

arthur likes to hold your hand and talk about what it was like when he was growing up, how hard it was

he never imagined he would be as happy as he is. he always thought that he would end up in prison or on the street

you always hold his hand when y’all are out— you could be grocery shopping and just slip your hand into his

HE SMILES EVERY FUCKING TIME AH

arthur literally adores having family photos taken of you guys bc he loves to keep them around the house

that’s a normal thing to have pictures of your family in your house— but he just really likes seeing them

sometimes he has bad days and he just walks around the house to look at the pictures and it makes him happier

can’t really cook for shit but you help him

you guys are that couple that literally make dinner together

like you get everything out and divide up the work and sometimes you have to help arthur but that’s okay

eventually he gets really good at cooking and low key surpasses you which is okay lol bc it makes him happy

he can cook the hell out of some steak seriously this man has some barbecue skills that are unheard of

SPEAKING OF BABRECUES

he loves them

he lives in a neighborhood with john and abigale and jack and charles and they always have barbecues on the weekend

charles makes really good potato boats

and abigale makes really good homemade bread so she brings it :-)

john cant cook for shit so they don’t let him near the grill

the best part about arthur being a dad is probably him loving his kids unconditionally

his oldest daughter credits her valedictorian speach to arthur

he cries when she graduates

he cries when she goes to college

he CRIES WHEN SHE GRADUATES FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL SO HARD HES SO PROUD OF HER OMG

he’s proud of his oldest son too omg bc he becomes a drama STAR in high school like he gets all the male leads it makes arthur so happy

his youngest son comes out to you and arthur as gay when he gets into 7th grade and arthur is confused as to why his son was panicking over telling y’all bc he’s like “idgaf who you love as long as ur happy”

literally super open minded

not to turn this whole thing gay but his daughter is bi and married a woman in the future yay :-)

NSFT

lots and lots of quiet sex like seriously

y’all intentionally have the room furthest away from your kids rooms so you could still have sex when they’re home

don’t get me wrong i totally get sub!arthur and everything but arthur is mainly a dom on this blog sorry i’ll still write for sub!arthur if it’s requested

arthur likes to tie you up a lot fr

he grins a lot during sex it’s funny lol bc he’ll be on top of you giving you the fucking of your life and he’ll just be grinning the entire time thinking ab how lucky he is to have u

IT DOWSNT MATTER OF UR A BOY OR A GIRL OR NEITHER OR BOTH HES GONNA DI C K U DO W N

he likes getting oral almost as much as he likes giving tbh

his favorite position is cowgirl bc he likes to see your face but he always like to clearly see where you are connected mmhm he’s one of those

HATES quickies

on weekends in the morning he fucks you lazilly and in a spooning position bc he probably woke up hard spooning u anyway so yeah

really likes when u ride him

RLLY LIKES WHEN YOU BEG

a dark side of him likes when you cry because he’s edged you for so long

but the soft side of him doesn’t give a damn about cuffs, rope, choking, all those different positions

he just wants soft missionary sex where you tell him you love him and grip his arms for dear life

really wants to show you he loves you unconditionally

side note hIS KIDS CANT CALL HIM DADDY BC OT MAKES HIM CRINGE BC U CALL HIM DADDY AND HE KINDA L I K E S I T

so his kids call him pop or dad and papa or something like that bc he can’t do the whole “my kids call me daddy” thing

but yeah

scratch his back when he fucks u in missionary he mELTS

call his name against his ear he’ll shiver bc he loves it sm

will blow your back out as per request

seriously is an ass man don’t @ me

if u don’t have a big booty he doesn’t give a damn bc it’s still a booty

he still wants to grab it and he still wants to touch it and he still wants to slap it

LOVESLOVESLOVES doggy style

also doesn’t really care for the lingerie scene as much as he does the whole u wear his shirt and no panties/boxers to bed scene

#rdr2 #rdr #arthur morgan #arthur morgan/reader #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan hc #arthur morgan fic #charles smith #john marston #jack marston #abigail roberts #abigail marston #rdr/reader #rdr x reader #rdr2/reader #rdr2 x reader

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itsmyusualphannie · 5 years

Text

i must admit, i can’t explain

dan's past self returns. dan and phil do a pretty terrible job figuring out what's going on.

“Are you real?” asked Dan. “Of course I am. You’re the ones that aren’t real.” “I’m real!” said Phil, offended.

1974 words - (read on ao3)

beta’ed by @emikochauhan!

this is a sequel to ‘baby i’m howell-in’ for you’ (read on ao3)

“How’s that going?” Phil asked Dan.

Dan scrubbed angrily at the pot in his hand. He paused and regarded it with a mixture of irritation and dismay. “It’s not,” he said and resumed scrubbing it. Their dinner had been delicious, certainly, but Dan regretted not washing the dishes immediately after cooking. He should’ve at least put water in the pot so the remains of the food didn’t stick to it.

Phil laughed sympathetically and patted Dan’s shoulder, notably not offering to help with it. “I’m going to get ready for bed.”

“Good.” Dan scowled over his shoulder, attempting and failing to maintain his annoyed expression while Phil's stupid grin was aimed at him. “Leave me with this disgusting pan, you horrible excuse for a boyfriend.”

Phil pinched his ass and left the kitchen while Dan cursed at him. He returned to violently scraping at the pan, pouring a generous amount of soap over it and rubbing with more intensity. Aha! Something had flaked off. No, wait, that was part of the scrubber. “Goddamnit,” said Dan aloud. He dropped the pan into the sink and glared at it.

“Umm...Dan?” came Phil’s tremulous voice from the bedroom. “I mean. Dan!”

Dan shoved the pan under the tap and filled it with water, using Phil’s call as an excuse to give up on trying to clean it. He headed for the bedroom, wiping his damp and water-wrinkled hands on his shirt. “What?” he asked, pushing the door to the room all the way open.

“Uh,” said Phil, and pointed at the bed.

Beneath the covers, wrapped comfortably in Dan’s duvet, was another Dan. His straight, dark hair was the only thing that was actually visible peeking over the top of the blankets, but it was unmistakably him.

Dan looked down at himself, looked at the Howell from his dreams a few weeks ago, and back at himself. He pinched his arm. “Ow, fuck.”

“What’s happening,” said Phil. “Who is that. Is that you.” His questions sounded like statements. He sounded vaguely in shock and, if possible, looked even paler than usual.

Dan still didn’t believe this was real, so he reached out and pinched Phil too.

“Ouch!” said Phil. He rubbed his arm, pouting, but he didn’t look away from the apparently-sleeping form on the bed. “What was that for?”

“Hmm,” said Dan in reply. He stalked closer to the bed and slapped a hand on the duvet. “Howell!”

With a start, the blankets came alive. Legs kicked and flailed, arms windmilling, and finally, a face appeared, brown eyes wide with surprise and panic. “Hello? What? Who’s there?”

“Fuck,” said Dan appreciatively at his younger self’s idiocy. “Phil, am I dreaming?”

“Am I dreaming?” Phil retorted, despite Dan's pinches to prove that they weren’t. “This doesn’t happen in real life.”

Though they hadn’t been helpful to calm the younger Dan’s surprise in the slightest, he had relaxed a little, but still scuttled back against the headboard with his knees drawn up to his chest. He eyed Dan with suspicious eyes. “Didn’t I dream you?”

“No, I dreamed you,” Dan corrected. “Or, I think I did. I thought I did. Are you real?”

“Of course I am. You’re the ones that aren’t real.”

“I’m real!” said Phil, offended.

Dan reached out and poked Howell in the cheek. He hadn't dried his hands completely and his touch left a cloudy drop of water trembling on Howell’s face just above where a dimple would appear. “He feels real,” he informed Phil.

Howell rubbed his cheek, wiping away the water drop and scowling at both of them. He squinted, either suspicious or confused.

“How did you get here?” Phil asked.

“Why are you in my bed?” added Dan.

“I dunno,” said Howell. “And it’s my bed.”

“It’s mine,” Dan insisted. “You’re in our time period. It’s mine.”

“Just to clarify,” said Phil, remaining looking vaguely shell-shocked. “You’re Dan, right? From, like, years ago? And you've both...dreamed about each other before?”

“Er,” they both said at the same time and exchanged suspicious stares immediately afterward.

“I thought I’d dreamt him a few weeks ago, that night when you went to get groceries and I napped on the sofa,” Dan said.

“I thought I dreamt him when I fell asleep on Phil’s bed instead of doing the laundry,” said Howell. Dan was wary of the slow smirk that was forming on Howell’s face. He knew with annoying clarity the plans that he himself made whenever he grinned like that.

“Also,” Howell added, confirming Dan's suspicions, “in my dream, we made out.”

Phil’s gaze flicked from Dan to Howell. “Did you make out with him in your dream?” he addressed to Dan.

“No!” said Dan heatedly, an automatic reaction to the accusative look in Phil’s eyes, then reluctantly, “...maybe. Kind of. Look, I’ve told you before what I’d do if I met a clone of myself. The entire internet knows. Fuck, then kill.”

“Hey!” protested Howell, presumably to the ‘kill’ part of that phrase.

Phil pointed a finger accusingly. “Dan, he’s not a clone. He’s you, I think, from the past or whatever. That’s like...incest.”

“Masturbation,” chorused Dan and Howell.

Phil’s face did a strange thing that Dan had seen it do very rarely. Dan did not like it. “Did you…?”

“No!” said Dan again. Then he felt his own face do a strange thing, which he liked even less. “Um. Sort of. But, like, closer to the ‘no’ than the ‘sort of.’”

“What the fuck,” said Phil.

“I was dreaming!” Dan added hastily. “I’m not responsible for my own actions in dreams.”

“Evidently,” said Phil, “you weren’t dreaming.”

Dan and Howell exchanged considering glances. In Dan's desire to appease Phil, they had apparently found something in common, besides literally being each other.

“Hmm,” said Howell. Dan was irritated with himself for noticing how indecently low Howell's shirt dipped, revealing pale, jutting collarbones and the faintest red mark where the Phil from his time had doubtlessly left a fading bite. “I’m fairly sure we were dreaming,” Howell mused. “Like, I woke up in my own time when Phil came in and then Dan was gone.”

“I woke up when Phil came in, too, and you’d disappeared,” Dan offered, “but I didn’t know I was asleep until then.”

Howell frowned at him. “Hey, you never apologized for slapping me.”

Dan frowned right back. Their comradery was lost. “Well, what did you expect me to do? What would you do if you saw your past self walk around the sofa and stare at you?”

“Shit, I dunno,” Howell retorted, “seeing as I actually did walk around a sofa and saw my future self staring up at me, and I didn’t reach down to immediately slap him, I’d say I did pretty well.”

Dan crossed his arms across his chest and scoffed. “Well, I’m not apologizing to myself for slapping myself in a dream.”

“My brain hurts,” Phil announced to the room. Their heads turned toward him instantly.

“Do you need to lie down?” Howell asked at the same time Dan said, “You need to lie down.”

Phil pinched the bridge of his nose, squinting his eyelids tightly together. He walked over the bed and threw himself down face-first, narrowly avoiding Howell’s drawn-up legs. He pressed his face into the duvet and lay there silently.

Howell reached out to pat him sympathetically. Dan glared at the familiar movement, hostile suddenly for no reason that he could identify.

“Want to have sex?” Howell offered.

“No!” snapped Dan.

“No!” Phil said at the same time, his voice muffled.

Howell sulked visibly, his shoulders slumping and mouth turning down at the corners. “Aww, why not? You always say sex helps with headaches unless it’s a migraine.”

“He’s not yours,” Dan bit out. “He’s mine. You can have sex with your own Phil.”

Phil lifted his face from the duvet, frowning. “Dan, the possessive thing again,” he said, reprimanding. “But also, yeah. First of all, I’m more than ten years older than you. That’s creepy. Second of all, you’re jealous as hell.”

“I’m not jealous,” Dan blatantly lied.

“I don’t mind,” Howell assured him. “I’ve had sex with people ten years older than me, and I like you a lot better than them. And you’re literally Phil, so it’s not like I’m cheating.”

Phil turned a disbelieving stare on Dan, who found that entirely unfair, as he hadn’t been the one who’d said it. “Wait, you what? When? With whom?”

“What?” said Dan, almost a screech. “I did not! What the fuck, Howell?”

“Oh, yeah,” Howell said, disappointed. “I forgot you remember what I’ve done.”

“Because I’m you! We have the same fucking memories!”

“Oh, yeah,” said Howell again. Then he laughed. “Ha. Fucking memories. Literally.”

Dan glared at him.

“I want to erase this entire conversation,” Phil groaned, smashing his face back into the blankets. “I just wanted to get ready for bed and go to sleep.”

“I mean,” Howell said generously, eyeing Phil’s backside, “you still can. I don’t mind. You can change into your pyjamas anytime now, I won’t stop you.”

Dan resisted the urge to slap his own past self in his stupid tanned face. He caught Howell’s unashamed ogling of Phil’s ass and barked, “Stop staring at Phil! He’s not your version, he’s mine, and you won’t get him for another, like, nine or ten years.”

“Selfish,” scoffed Howell. He turned his gaze to Dan and looked him up and down, smirking. “Okay. I’ll stare at myself instead.”

Dan did not remember himself being this forward and...horny. He could never imagine propositioning his future self or a future Phil, no matter how old he was. It was horrifying.

He didn’t tell Howell to stop, though.

“I want to wake up,” Phil complained.

“We’ve already established that we’re not dreaming right now, though Howell and I might have been earlier,” Dan said. “That’s what the whole pinching and poking things were about.”

“You can feel things in a dream,” said Phil. “I think. Anyway, how do we know you’re real?”

Howell looked annoyed, which Dan found as a relief from his previous flirty expression. “Gee, I dunno. How do I know you’re real? I can’t exactly prove my own existence.”

“I could break his hand,” Dan suggested maliciously. “Then it might affect me now. Like my hand would have a weird bend or something.”

Wide-eyed, Howell tucked his hands under his own ass.

“No,” said Phil firmly, even though he probably knew Dan hadn’t meant it. Dan grinned meanly at Howell, who scowled back at him. At least he’d stopped flirting. “Why are you calling him Howell?” Phil asked, randomly.

“That’s what I said!” Howell said.

“Because I’m older!” Dan said over him. Howell sulked again and Dan added, “Why, are you just calling us both Dan in your head or something?”

Phil didn’t look at either of them, but the posture of his entire body looked sheepish. “I mean, maybe. You are both Dan.”

Dan was offended for reasons he couldn’t identify. “Yeah, but I’m your Dan.”

“Technically,” Howell chimed in, unhelpfully, “we’re both his Dan. Just because we’re from a different time period doesn’t make that any different.”

Dan had experienced these urges to strangle himself before, but it had never been his own physical body separate from his current one. He settled for glowering at Howell and hoping his point was made clear.

Howell shoved his hands further under his ass. “Wanna make out?” he asked weakly.

“No.” Dan pointed an angry finger at him. “I will not make out with you again. No more tricking me into it. Never again.”

“What’s happening,” Phil said, ten minutes later. He looked so confused, and Dan felt a little sorry for him.

Not enough to detach his mouth from Howell’s neck, though.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfic au #time travel #meeting past self #2009 dan howell #swearing tw #howlin for you series

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