#fun game: watch the film and try to guess what each of these crazy ramblings is referring to
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Detroit Evolution
So
These are some notes that I took while I watched DE for the first time. It’s a lot. Like, six pages, a lot. I decided I should probably spare everyone’s dashboards and put it under a cut.
Warning: overuse of the fuck word because I am a dramatic little shit who gets overwhelmed easily
- Alright here we go. I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared to go through this hhhhh
- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY I NUT
- fuck he smellin the flowers good
- “hey tin can :P” “good morning gavin :P”
- I’m actually fucking crying IVE HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMES JUST TO BREATHE AND IM ONLY AT 1:25
- FUCK ITS 1:27 AND HES FIXING HIS COLLAR HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH THIS WHEN MY VISION IS BLURRY WITH TEARS
- “I don’t need to breathe” BAZINGA
- *slaps my face repeatedly* keep it together bitch
- “I like the way you look<3” aaaaaaaaannd here I go again
- HAHAHA HE WAS DAYDREAMING SAME NINES SAME
- oh god oh god witty banter WITTY BANTER I CANT FUNCTION
- C H R I S IM SCREAMING
- detective motha fuckin chris I don’t need to see any more I got what I came for
- Honestly all they need to do to calm down the protestors is get nines out there so he can say “please stop you’re being very mean >:/“ and they would probably just go home ngl
- “I’ve never been intimidated by people who hate androids” OH MY GOD NINES WITH THE BAZINGA’S TODAY WHAT A LEGEND
- can I just say the white jacket is such a power move I can’t believe nines invented fashion
- Gavin bein soft and reaching back for Nines in the crowd🥺homygod
- Gavin “no one calls him plastic but ME” Reed
- The only time I will support police brutality™️
- Gavin is so OP we stan
- Nines “you raise a fist, then I get PISSED😡” RK900
- “y’all have a nice day” Protect Detective Chris Miller at all costs
- Nines sees Gavin’s scars as charming PUT ME TO DEATH
- ADA OH LORD SHES STUNNING IM SOBBING
- Okay I need to pause and breathe again the cinematography got me chokin
- Uh ooohhh someone is jeeaaalouus😛
- Nines really said “no worry fam I’ll airdrop the case files to u”
- Ada: *exists*
- me: I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me
- HA GAV DEFINITELY JEALOUS RIP
- And nines back at it again with the sass I AM LIVING
- Chris and Gavin’s reactions to Nines imitating Ada is the best thing I’ve seen all year
- “I can do your voice too” HIS FACE IMDBDHDJKDJD CRYIGGGSBSN
- oh ;-; shit Michael really finna make me cri
- God damn the intro credits are so beautiful
- TINAAAAAAA BABYYYYY
- Real coffee hours with the sharktreuse mug🦈
- “our boy” SHIT IM CRYING AGAIN
- Tina knows Gavin was absolutely feral before Nines appeared at the DPD
- Half An Asshole squad please stand up we ride at dawn
- Gavin with the knockoff timbs WE STAN😎
- maybe “thank god, I hate you, you love me, move your feet, oop” will be our always
- I’m living for the whole “criminal minds” vibe goin on here
- Bruh Gavin got the hook-ups fr fr
- ❤️WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER W❤️
- The level of reed900 is staggering
- I’ve had to pause and breathe so many times it’s pathetic I’m not even 15 mins in
- GAVIN SAID mwah<3🖕IM FUCKING DIED
- 850% godt damn Nines got that IOS 50 update
- NINES PUT CHRIS’ PROMOTION PARTY IN THE CALENDAR WHAT A GOOD DAD
- maybe “our calendar” will be our always
- Chris “wingman of the year” Miller
- Who’s that Pokémon??? It’s JEALOUS GAV
- The way Nines said “I don’t feel anything for her.” I see you bud
- insecure Gavin needing reassurance™️
- Im fucking dying I fucking died bro BRO WE ALL KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING ABOUT, NINES, WE ALL KNOW
- Asexual Nines FTW👊😤👏👏👏❤️He gives zero fucks of ANY kind
- AN ANGEL HAS APPEARED WITH A GLOWY BLUE SCARF
- BREAKING NEWS: affection-starved Gavin™️ is literally begging for love
- GAVIN REED STOP BEING MEAN TO GAVIN REED OR ELSE
- “But there’s much more to admire about you than to detest, I think.”<333
- JJ not being suspicious at all nope no way Jose
- Lazzo has said two words and I love him already
- I don’t think I’ve seen this episode of COPS before🤔🤔🤔
- We all know Nines secretly wants to wear those fun glasses
- “Officer I swear I’ve never seen that arm in my life, it’s my friend’s he just asked me to hold it for him, Android arm what android arm heh”
- “Like robot arms, not gun arms.” You’re doing great sweetie🥰
- HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH H
- Chris “the interrogator” Miller😎
- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY
- soft n sleepy gav™️ is soft n sleepy
- FUCKING SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT GAV IN A SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT FOR SO LONG AND NOW IT’S REAL IM
- You can wear my😋😘sweeaatshiiiirt😝😁🤗 (I’m sorry I had to)
- inconspicuous loving glances™️
- #GiveAndroidsFuckinHealthcare2K20
- AAAHHHHHHHH I CANTT BREAF
- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER
- INCONSPICUOUS LOVING GLANCES™️
- Gavin has not slept in 80 years
- He really said “I’m fine” BITCH
- Bed time for brats™️ no later than 8:30pm
- hell yeah sleepover time
- “stop lookin at my insides n shit” I want that on a t shirt
- ANDROID DREAMS
- Nines is so soft I might die
- But he’s somehow equally suave as fuck how is this fair
- Oh my god dream!gavin is like Nines’ conscious this is so presh
- “What do you think Gavin was gonna say?” nsndJSKDOFIWKDBDNDNSJDBBDJDJDJDNDJXJNDIFUIFIEKWN HES STILL THINKING ABOUT THEIR CONVO
- dream!gavin you sly dog
- “To have this. Out there.” DONT FUCK WITH MY HEART LIKE THAT THIS INNER-MONOLOGUE FLUFF IS SO SWEET
- Nines being insecure™️
- Listen to dream!gavin, Nines, he has big brain
- The fact that Nines subconsciously KNOWS that irl!Gav “just wants someone that doesn’t hate him” but he’s STILL like alas, I can never be what gavin needs :’(
- nu babie don’t be sad🥺
- oh my god they’re both train wrecks protect them at all cost
- c r i p e s❤️the reed900 hurt/comfort we all needed
- FUCK
- Concerned boyfriends™️
- Maybe “I’m fine” will be our always
- GAV🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💔💔💔💔💔💔
- Insecure boyfriends™️
- Nines “I’m not going to get any closer to Gavin because I can’t help him but also I want to cuddle with him because he had a nightmare” RK900
- did someone say c a t
- dumb babie gav jus spoon the dumb android so you both feel better
- Me: *rubs evil hands together* aha here comes the angst
- cue tragic backstory
- oh
- tragic backstory indeed
- YES DAD!FOWLER WE LOVE
- Gavin is so desperate for anyone to care about him I’m crying tears
- SHIT IT’S CUDDLE TIME™️ NOW IM REALLY FUCKING CRYING
- Alexa this is so god damn sad play despacito
- YES
- HAND>HOLDING
- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER
- NINES’ SKIN RETRACTING WHERE THEIR HANDS ARE TOUCHING THIS IS LIKE EVERY REED900 STAN’S DREAM COME TRUE
- Oh shit it’s about to get domestic I don’t think I’m mentally prepared
- YOU CAN WEAR MY😝💪SWEEAATSHIIIIIIRT🤪🔥🔥🔥 (I’m never letting the sleeveless sweatshirt thing go)
- Uh oh NO FUCK I’ve read enough fan fiction to know that this is where Gavin’s fucking trust issues kick in and he decides pushing nines away is safer than getting closer to him SHIT
- AND NINES GETS CONFUSED AND HURT
- AND THEN GAVIN GETS HURT
- I feel angst in this Chili’s tonight
- “I need you to leave” aaaaaaahhhhhhhh here come a whole different kind of tears
- frick dude that ouches
- Insert sad babie noises
- Oml the tension☠️poor Chris and Ada are like😑😑
- Chris could solve this case all by himself change my mind
- Gavin and Nines = (ò///-///ó)
- Chris = :D~oblivious~
- HELL YEAH PARTY TIME
- BEST WIVES TINA AND VALERIE AHHHH
- reed900 who??? I don’t know her. I only know ❤️valerina❤️
- I can’t believe Gavin and Nines invented angst
- I went and got blue gatorade just so I could pretend I was drinking thirium like Nines
- #DetectiveChen2K20
- real sad gavin hours
- Ruh roh Gavin bouta die from the ‘rona virus because rat man smokes hella
- CINEMATOGRAPHY CHEEEEECK HOLY SHIT
- my entire aesthetic in a single shot jfc
- Aaaaahhhh Nines trying to be a supportive bf just makes me ;-; [takes damage]
- HES ACCEPTED GAVIN AS MORE THAN A PARTNER🥺that, my friends, is what we call character development
- We stan the otp aggressively talking about their feelings
- “I’m not going anywhere.” FUCK™️
- SMOKE>FACE
- Aaaaand they’re back at square one. It’s cool it’s fine it’s all good we can work with this.
- Gavin: I don’t need you ò-ó
- Gavin: *immediately after Nines leaves* fuck ó-ò
- “It’s fine”™️
- I love Ada so much hhhhhh she said 🤨
- “Basic Instinct” TINA WITH THE HEAT OMG
- *nervous laugh* haha Ada sis maybe chill a little bit ha ha
- oh no I have a not good feeling
- ADA CHILL ADA CHILL
- WHY IS HE FOLLOWING HER INTO AN ALLEY AFTER THAT SKETCHY TALK
- AAA FUCK FUCK FUCJDJEMNSNDJDNXU FUCK I FUCKING KNEW IT FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK
- 😖x1000000
- Oh my god this is so fucking sad Alexa play The Sound of Silence
- Nines got fucked up and Gavin is CONCERNED
- aayyyyy bro Nines full on nakey
- Tina and Gavin sad bro huggin👊😔
- ADA HOW DARE YOU. HOW VERY DARE YOU.
- Uh oh Nines is fckn PISSED
- he MAD mad
- Tina speakin straight facts I love her
- WOOP GAVIN FINALLY ADMITTING HE NEEDS NINES
- f u c k right in the heart
- I don’t want to attempt writing any notes at this moment because my thoughts are completely incoherent I am a MESS
- “I need you to come back, Nines.” DONT PLAY W ME LIKE THAT
- HAND HOLDING FTW
- Did Gavin really almost bring Nines back through the power of love I am SHAKING
- Dream!Gavin speaking truth as ALWAYS
- These damn flashbacks making me feel some type of way
- OH SHIT HE AWAKE
- that actually low key jump scared me
- God damn these sets are so fucking pro, I’m so happy
- REUNION
- Tina really say “Chris ;) ;) lets go get some ;) coffee ;) ;) ;) ;)”
- CHRIS’ REALIZATION FACE FUCKING LAID ME OUT I HAD TO PAUSE I WAS LAUGJINB SO HARD
- You Undead Asshole™️
- Gavin: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ ) fuck he actually heard me talk about my feelings n shit
- Nines: You literally told me you fucking needed me like five minutes ago
- Gavin: huh weird that doesn’t sound like me I actually hate you
- ooOOHHH S H I T
- REALLY IS THIS REALLY HAPPENIGN
- woah shit sorry I blacked out for a second what happened
- MY POOR LITTLE FUCKING REED900 HEART IS EXPLODING AND IMPLODING AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME
- CAAAAAAAAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIIIGGHTT
- holy shit I actually gave myself a bloody fucking nose because I smacked my face too hard in excitement
- ❤️💘🧡💞💕💘💓💚💛💘💞💓💛💛💞💘❤️💚💘💜💕💖❤️❤️💕💓💗💘💖💚💝❤️
- FUCK
- “What dipshit programmed you to do that?” 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️FUCK
- My aunt came in and told me she heard me shouting then asked why I was crying
- HAHA FUCKING CHRIS IS MEEEE
- shit I need to like..,,,,physically recover from that
- whew okay break time is over let’s fucking go
- Nines in the cheeky turtleneck I SEE U
- #DETECTIVECHEN2K20
- Gavin: I’m ready to take this hoe DOWN
- Initiate protocol: SAVE ADA FROM HERSELF
- I could listen to Tina talk to dispatch for hours🥰❤️❤️❤️
- WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE T
- Gavin being hella concerned boyfriend™️
- FIGHT SCENE™️
- omfg that crowbar really went *CLANG* when it hit Ada’s steel fkn abs what a legend💪😎
- Hell yeah epic Nines gif moment
- no Ada don’t choke Gavin it only makes him stronger
- CHRIS THE MOTHER FUCKIN GOAT😎👏👏👏he really said “fuck ur monologue I’m here to get shit done”
- ADA QUEEN YOURE OKAY SWEETIE
- That character development godt damn
- I might be reaching but Gavin is now wearing a white/off-white shirt/gray that kINDA RESEMBLES DREAM!GAVIN’S SHIRT. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. THATS SYMBOLISM IF I EVER DID SEE IT.
- “buyer’s remorse, huh?”
- “I can’t be everything you need.”
- That awkward moment when you realize the person you were hiding your feelings from has also been hiding their feelings from you.
- “a year of that fuckin’...Ken Doll face smirkin’ at me every day” BE CUTER GAVIN, I DARE YOU.
- naked hand = love
- CHEEKY BASTARDS
- FUCK FUCK FUCK ME
- THAT WAS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL
- So my review of this film could be summed up by saying that I basically cried for an hour and fifteen minutes.
- Holy damn
#fun game: watch the film and try to guess what each of these crazy ramblings is referring to#im still reeling from all of that#I think I need to watch it again#yes that sounds like a plan#this is kind of like a review#if it were written by an emotional crackhead who got zero sleep last night#also#happy easter babes#if u celebrate it of course#what did we do to deserve this film#jfc there are still tears in my eyes#I need to watch it again asap#Detroit evolution#octopunk media#reed900
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Surprisingly Familiar Ch 1
The first chapter of the sequel to Summoning Family. I'm going to be working on my scattered au fic more, but you might still see some chapters of this scattered around
@petrichormeraki made the hermit!Tommy au, and @helleborusangel did amazing rambles for the chapters of Summoning Family.
Now, Let's see how things have gone since the ending of Summoning Family.
It had been eleven days since Grum’s birthday and now it was Jrum’s. He was excited by the party, playing games and trying to scam people of their diamonds. Cake was nice, his mask getting a special cake of his own with diamonds since Grum had gotten the same. And then it came to presents.
Jrum was especially happy at any toys he got and glad if he was just getting diamonds. Kokatori had also managed to get another ribbon around its neck and try to be a present again. Jrum wasn’t the most pleased about that since he was still coping with everything that happened with the egg, but he still took the present before handing them off to Grum.
Just as the presents were just about all gone, two more were placed on the table, each one with a different label. Jrum went to grab the last present when he saw the new ones being placed, so he looked up at who was putting them down, surprised to see an unfamiliar face. “Um, who are you?”
The question made everyone look over, most people looking confused, but three people had different reactions. Phil looked surprised, recognizing the man. Grian was also surprised, but also awestruck. Lastly, in Grum’s arms, Kokatori hissed.
“What the heck are you doing here? Who even let you in?” Phil asked, walking over to the man.
“I let myself in. I mean, I sort of already had permission to be here, just never used it. Building big was never really my thing.”
“Who are you then?” It was Scar who spoke up. The person looked at a few of the hermits who seemed to also look as confused as Scar sounded.
“I think the beard is messing with them.” Phil said, elbowing the man, who then ran a hand through his beard.
“Right, spend a month on an abandoned island and then get captured by pirates and you can’t really do much for that. Anyone got a raz...or…” he trailed off as Jrum pulled out some special shears. He was stunned by the bot having such a thing, but took them with a thank you and stepped out of the room.
After a few minutes, he stepped back in, and immediately some of the hermits were no longer confused. “Oh my god, it’s been so long!” Bdubs was the first to say, going over to the man. “What have you been up to!”
“Eh, mainly family. You’ve been working with someone named Scar?” Bdubs nodded and gestured to the mayor. “Got it. Nice to meet you.” He moved over to Doc. “And how about you? How’s the family life?”
“Eh, some days are always better than others, I haven’t been around here as often because of it. What about you?”
“Well, the kids are all grown up at this point, I’ve got more time on my hands so I’ve gone back to filming.”
Doc nodded. “Sounds good to me. I’ve got to tell you more about what we did last season.”
“I’m sure you do.” The man chuckled, moving over to Keralis. “Hey, can’t wait to see your city. The pictures seemed crazy enough. I can’t believe you built all that.”
“Why spank you, but I have had help with designs.”
“Yeah. And you said you own it with someone named Cleo now?”
“Yes, in fact, she’s got a relative that is in Bub’s troop last I checked.��
Cleo spoke up at this point. “Yep! Got an order in for popcorn just the other day.”
“Nice to hear. By the way, Etho’s behind me, isn’t he?” The hermits unfamiliar with the man were surprised by that comment, as Etho was indeed behind him. Pretty much no one could tell when Etho was sneaking around, so this new person doing it was very shocking. “I’ll be asking everyone about your shops so I can stay awake from them.”
“Oh come on, some of them would be fun for a survivor like you. In fact we could get Tango to open up decked out for a session for you.”
“Right, sure Etho. Now is Beef around?”
“No actually. He had something really important come up.” Etho answered, another hermit nodding to agree with the statement.
“Ah, that’s too bad. Well, I guess the only person left to greet is ol’ rap battle over here.”
Wels suddenly looked embarrassed. “Oh that’s why you look familiar. You’re the OBP leader.”
“Yeah.” The man nodded. “You know green wasn’t really your c-”
“Please don’t bring that up again.”
The man laughed. “Alright, I won’t.” He then looked at the rest of the hermits. “Well, I think I know a few of you from the letters I’ve gotten from these guys.” And he gestured to the hermits he had been talking to. “Like I know Scar and Cleo now, then TFC and Xisuma I’m familiar with, also Zedaph.”
“Yeah, so who are you exactly?” Mumbo spoke up. “While I’m glad you’ve come to celebrate Jrum’s birthday, I’m not familiar with you.”
“Right, forgot to give my name I guess.” The man started to say. “I’m-”
Grian cut him off. “You’re the Soarvivor Paul! I remember watching your shows when I was in highschool! I had some friends at my school in England who went to an event of yours!”
“Wait, this is Paul?” Scar spoke up. “I’ve heard a lot of stories about him from Doc and Bdubs.”
Paul smiled at that. “Yep, that would be me.”
Grian took over the conversation again. “So wait, you said you were recording again, are you making MvM again?”
Instead of answering happily like Paul had to everyone else, he just gave Grian a bit of a nod before giving him the cold shoulder.
“Wait, are you that uncle Phil’s always talking about?” Tommy asked. He had stayed out of the conversation when he had no clue what was going on, but now that he recognized the name, he had some things to say. “The one he always complains always uses letters instead of a phone call or texting.”
Paul nodded. “Yeah, that would be me. Letters are the most reliable when you’ve got a job like mine.”
“Then stick to a comm then Paul.” Doc said, resting his arm on Paul's shoulder. “I’ve offered to make you a special one who knows how many times. I’m sure your kids wouldn’t mind it either.”
“Why do I feel like I’m still missing something?” Tommy spoke up again, Doc explaining for him.
“A number of us hung out with Paul in the past. Most of us he knows from the old Minecrack worlds, but he met Keralis on some other worlds.”
“Yeah, and met Wels when we were dealing with an apocalypse world. Beef was there too.” Paul sighed. “So Phil, what’s your family been getting up to other than the obvious?”
“Well, Tommy’s actually living in hermitcraft now.” Phil answered. “Wilbur’s getting through some things, and Techno’s trying to keep up his hardened warrior mask, but Grian’s kid is making that hard.”
“Well, this group seems to have that effect on people.” Paul nodded. “And how’ve they been doing with Xelqua?” Paul jabbed a finger on Grian’s direction.
“Right, shit, forgot to say that part. Grian is Xelqua.” Phil quickly explained, Paul’s mouth turning to a small ‘o’.
“Ah, I guess that explains that war and the hippies I heard about in letters. At least It’s a little tamer in a world like this.” Most of the people in the room were confused, and at first Grian was one of them, but then he made a connection and his legs were suddenly struggling to keep him up. “He has told you about Tokyo, right?”
Before anyone could answer, Kokatori was hissing in Grum’s arms again, drawing Paul’s attention. He pulled out a stone sword and immediately the hermits that knew Paul were holding him back. “No! Hey! Paul, that is a kid’s pet!” Bdubs said. “I know you don’t like them but that’s like the one chicken you’re not allowed to kill!”
“Just get him a pet other than a chicken! You can’t trust a chicken! They’re spies, killers and thieves.”
“Killer chickens?” Wels, who wasn’t holding Paul back, asked.
“Oh no, he’s telling the truth about that.” Doc answered. “I saw it for myself.”
“How do you get killed by a fucking chicken?” Tommy asked.
“You forget to kill it first.” Paul answered, finally putting his sword away. “Well, you said that kid’s one of Xel’s.”
“One of Grian’s.” Phil corrected. “And yes. That’s Grumbot, or Grum, the older of the two. His birthday was a week and a half ago.”
“Well, figures they’d just try causing more problems.”
Phil rolled his eyes and then grabbed Paul’s arm. “Alright, you and I. Talk. Now.”
When Phil and Paul had left the room, Grian finally allowed himself to go to the floor. The hermits that knew Paul were immediately apologizing for him, not sure why he was acting that way. But Grian knew. And Mumbo helped Grian up, pretty sure he knew too. “I’m going to help Grian lie down. Grum, maybe I should take Kokatori with me so they don’t cause more problems.”
Grum nodded and handed the chicken over, it being very upset about being moved and pecking at Mumbo’s arms. But he was too worried about Grian to let that stop him. So soon they had left the room too.
For a while, everything was silent. But then Jrum spoke up. “Well, for my birthday, I want to eavesdrop! And no one can stop me!” And he ran off to listen into Phil and Paul’s conversation, leaving the rest of the party members confused on what to do.
#hc x dsmp#hermit!tommy au#jrumbot#grian#grumbot#mumbo jumbo#philza minecraft#bdubs#3rd life smp#tommyinnit#docm77#Keralis#Zombiecleo#ethoslab#welsknight#paul soares jr
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Anti-Hero
summary ~ in search of wine at a party that’s so not your scene, you run into jungkook, the weeb from your film class, and become determined to learn just how much he lives up to his big reputation.
pairing ~ jungkook x reader
genre ~ fluff, light smut w/ more to come - college!au
wordcount ~ 1.7k
warnings ~ light smut, drinking/partying, mentions of dick?, basically just making out, feat. long hair jk :)))))
a/n ~ this is my first time posting a fic!!! costume idea inspired by @ddaenggtan‘s iconic weeb-ass jk in chasing butterflies lol, and I got the idea to write this in general from wondering what a scenario like @joonbird‘s literally flawless fic passionfruit would be like from the opposite perspective bc I kept reading it (and rereading it...and rereading it...) and loving the connection but I’m much more like joon in that au than the reader oooop. anyway thank you to all the writers on here whose work i have loved and my friends who have encouraged me and made me bold enough to embrace such a fun new creative outlet xxx u know who u are :’)
next: chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 (coming soon!)
~ read on ao3 ~
CHAPTER 1 ~ dress up
You never intended to end up at this Halloween party. You didn't even know who to expect to see here, other than your roommate's friend from high school, the host, who had invited y'all as a package deal even though she knew you didn't really do parties. At least not ones like hers, where every bedroom ended up occupied by the end of the night and nearly no one went home alone. Thrilled to break out of your lame group of friends for a taste of flirtation and fun, you tried to relax into the scene but the unspoken expectation of casual sex intimidated you the tiniest bit.
Speaking of casual sex, there was Jungkook.
Used to admiring him from afar in your "14 Films To See Before You Graduate" class, you paused to take in the sight of him in what you supposed was a more natural habitat. Everyone knew Jungkook got girls, thanks to the rumor his first freshman-year hookup had started about his seriously impressive dick. He had a beautiful body too, carefully crafted muscles obvious even beneath his usual baggy black clothes, so as the more intimate rumors spread and various co-signers confirmed every detail from length to curve to (you had always hated this word, but...) girth, getting a piece of all that became a badge of honor among the girls in your grade. You had never really understood how the awkward boy who hid manga under his desk in class could supposedly be such a sex symbol, but you almost felt bad for him. That kind of reputation following you around everywhere couldn't be all fun and games. If anything, though, it had intrigued you even more about the rest of him, all his little weeb quirks and the way he debated your points in the discussion boards like he actually cared. He wasn't exactly studious in general, but he clearly loved film and you enjoyed speaking up in class just to see how he would jump off of your observations. You hadn't really talked to him other than that, but he didn't seem to be talking to anyone else tonight either. From the corner, you let yourself appreciate the way his nervous hands tugged at the skinny black tie of his costume, freeing more of his throat from a thin yellow button-down shirt.
At least you no longer felt overdressed in your Nancy Drew outfit. The retro headband, brown loafers, and bookish plaid knee-length skirt set a much more sophisticated tone than most other ensembles you'd seen, but Jungkook's weeb ass had basically worn a full suit to channel Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop. With his grown-out hair tousled and a navy pinstripe jacket cinched tight with two strips of electrical tape over his tiny waist, you couldn't deny that he rocked it. He leaned against a long plastic table left in the hallway, bobbing his head to the music in the next room and adjusting the too-slim suit pants around his thick thighs. His translucent cup stayed hidden behind a hip until he raised it quickly to his face for another sip of...red wine? Probably Franzia, knowing tonight's crowd, but anything was better than beer. You made a beeline for the one boy with taste at this party, your sole mission now to get wine drunk, sneak some Usher throwbacks on this playlist, and drop it low enough to leave some dude hard on the dance floor. #wastehistime2019, yknow.
"Hey!" You got his attention, grabbing the hand with the cup before he could lower it out of view again. His eyes grew comically wide and his mouth formed an "o" in shock before you demanded "Where is the wine?" and he pressed his lips back into a line, stuttering.
"I-I-I'm sorry, I just brought a bottle because the beer here sucks but I think it's all gone by now, I tried to hide it but yeah anyway you can have the rest of this one if you want though." Wincing at his own ramble, he ruffled the retro pouf of his hair with one hand and proffered the plastic cup in another. Both actions highlighted how pretty his hands were and you were just slightly tipsy enough to thread your fingers over his in the also-pretty black waves falling over his yep-still-just-as-pretty cheekbones.
"Aw, it's okay, I don't want to take your wine. No more liquid courage for me," you grinned, dotting the lightest kiss on his nose. It was an innocent gesture, but as your face naturally lowered so your noses touched, leaving your lips centimeters away from each other, something snapped—in him.
His wine discarded on the table, a hand curled around to clutch your ass and you practically felt his tongue before you felt his lips. Slamming your body abruptly into his, he nudged a thigh between your legs to grind it up on your center and as your arm got caught between your bodies, the tension you sensed filling his frame gave you pause. You pushed him away gently but firmly with the hand already flattened against his rock-solid abs. Looking down at the slight space restored between y'all, you removed his hands from his hair and your ass and laced them in yours to guide him back against the wall.
"I...what was that?" you almost giggled. You definitely weren't trying to laugh at him, but you couldn't hide your surprise at this first potential proof of his fuckboy reputation.
"I'm—" his whole face crumpled, both from the simple sting of your seeming rejection and the possibility that he had broken a boundary or forced himself on you against your wishes, which made him so sick he could barely face you. Squirming under your light hold but not quite resisting, he rambled again: "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to force myself on you or anything, don't worry I would never try anything if you didn't want to, I just figured we might as well get to the point if you did because, uh...when girls touch me like that or even talk to me at these things it's pretty much always just because they...want to."
"Jungkook," you breathed, pulsing your hands over his in reassurance. He squeezed his eyes shut, still distraught, and when they opened, you had craned your neck to meet his averted gaze.
"I never said I didn't want to."
His eyes widened again. "Uh...uh...then..." he trailed off, never having needed to directly proposition a girl like this before. He really had been inexperienced before the rapid escalation of college, and was at a loss for how to get to the good stuff from here via anything more eloquent than a rushed "Wanna fuck?" You shook your head silently, nose grazing his again, and let go of one hand to cup his face with care, like he was something precious you were scared of breaking.
"What? You want to get right to fucking me?" you murmured into his ear. He shivered at hearing you curse for the first time, freed from the constraints of class discussions and closer than he ever guessed you'd get to him. "Is that really what you want? Or is it what you think I do? Because if it's alright, I think I want something better. For you."
You pressed a new kiss to his nose, only slightly stronger than the one that had started all this. He held his breath and his untouched, open mouth trembled as you scattered soft introductions of your lips across his forehead, to his temples, over the scar that sliced his cheekbone. Finally inhaling a skittery heave of your shared air as you passed closer to his lips, he forced it back out in frustration when you ducked away to nudge under his jaw instead. Returning your hand to his hair, you grinned, enjoying the spike in his pulse under your thumb and skipping the tip of your tongue lightly over his neck right up to the earlobe. You lifted the choppy ends of his waves away from the dangly silver hoop they hid, tensing the strands just slightly between your fingers in an inability to hide your glee. Something told you this was going to drive him crazy.
Taking a slight detour to suck his pierced lobe between your lips, you responded to Jungkook’s low moan of surprise by wedging your tongue through the first oversized hole and letting your teeth clatter over multiple rings of metal. He was trying so hard to stay pliant under you, but the tease of slight pain in a new and unusual spot made him want your mouth more, anywhere he could get it. No one had ever spent this much time tracing so few inches of skin.
And so many girls had buried his face in their necks, craving evidence of an encounter with the Jeon Jungkook, that a strange kind of empathy caught him off guard when you showed him how good it could feel to receive. You connected your lips to the hollow right under his ear, feeling the tendons stretch as his head lolled away from you. Working him through a cascade of light gasps, you stepped away satisfied once you had sucked a dark bloom to the surface. He watched you leave with his mouth agape and chest heaving, unable to believe you could just walk away with a wave and a "See you in class!"
But you did, and he would.
"Shit!" he swore, a shaky hand darting straight to the spot. Now he had to keep his hair long for at least another two or three days. If he showed up to discussion on Monday and had to watch you admiring your work on his skin, he would probably just die on the spot. And that would not be very Spike Spiegel of him.
next chapter
#jungkook x reader#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#jungkook x reader smut#bts smut#bts fic#college!jungkook#college au!jungkook#bts college au#jungkook#jeon jungkook#bts jungkook#my writing#anti-hero#anti hero
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JULY PICKS!
You heard me correctly, I said JULY! Whoosh, this year is going by fast-but not in a good way if you know what I mean. This will be my last monthly wrap up where I am strictly staying home in quarantine as this upcoming week I’m heading back to work in person. Wish me luck!
We had quite the range this month from newly released, reality, musical and then some favorites from last month that I’ve continued watching. Without further ado here we go....
There’s going to be PLENTY of SPOILERS this go round. ESPECIALLY with my first pick of Stargirl. You’ve been warned!!!
DC’S STARGIRL
I need to talk about 1x10 or I’m going to burst!!! As stated above there will be A LOT of SPOILERS IN THIS POST!! So scroll down to the next picture if you don’t want it to be spoiled.
You’ve been warned...again.
IT CANNOT END LIKE THAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Henry! Wow! 1) Epic fighting 2) The backstory and how he wasn’t going to give up on his dad AND THEN how he wouldn’t give into his dad. 3) HE DIED RATHER THAN JOIN HIS SIDE OR PRETEND (which I honestly felt was going to happen). His character arc and I can’t believe it’s over!!! 4) His speech at the end: *weeping.* I knew Brainwave was going to say he killed his mother. It just felt like the build up. Brainwave Jr. would have been a GREAT ADDITION TO THE JSA! AND OMG THE WAY THE REST OF THEM FOUGHT FOR HIM! I loved how they framed it so you could still see them in the back when Henry spoke to his father. Super heartbreaking. Man, it feels like a lot of people have been killed off this first season (or am I just still thinking about Joey?)
Side note: Check out the Instagram Live between father and son Brainwave on Stargirl’s CW page. Jake Austin Walker did an AWESOME interview in his take over.
This was one of the strongest episodes overall and definitely one of my favorites so far. I agree with many others that while it is SOO GOOD and I want to rewatch it again, I don’t know if I can emotionally yet. I can’t remember the last time I felt that way about a show.
Some other thoughts this episode: WAY TO GO BARBARA! Way to record them to translate later (such an awesome app btw, how do I get it?). I’m glad her and Pat came more to an understanding because I love them especially with that glimpse into how they met. Jordan’s parents give me the creeps, like the couple from The Visit vibes. I feel like Mike’s got to find out ASAP, especially because he’s spent time in the garage. Something’s got to show him the truth; because I’m really feeling he figures it out rather than being told. Very curious to see what his reaction will be. SOLOMON GRUNDY. Thank God Beth talked Rick down. She really is like Chuck in being the voice of reason. She did really well in the cafeteria too. While I still don’t believe Starman is Courtney’s dad, how cute was it when she put together her and Henry were cousins? Speaking of Court’s dad, who else didn’t feel like Starman was her dad until they saw that upcoming promo? I don’t know who that impostor is but he is not her dad. Something’s fishy.
Loving this show. So happy it’s renewed for a second season!!
THE 100
From a show I can’t get enough of to one whose final season is a disappointment. I’m not going to spend too much time talking about The 100 because I feel I’ll just be repeating myself from previous posts. However, I did want to include it because I haven’t spoken much about the previous 2 episodes that I wound up watching back to back and I didn’t overly dislike them.
As many have complained, when you have a final season you shouldn’t introduce SO MANY new characters and just push aside your originals (or the ones who are left). You also shouldn’t include so many confusing plots that are making it look like were the main points overall (like this many world concept was around since the first grounders) and playing with time in so many episodes is hard to keep up with too. Having so many people separated makes it difficult to remember what just happened to this specific group because I haven’t seen them in forever. ANYWAY, I did promise some positives. I didn’t except to like 7x08 because of it being a flashback episode with brand new people that was just going to feel like a potential spin-off pilot. Well...I actually really enjoyed it and the concept that the bunker was used before One Crew. The characters were easy to like and it was cool seeing Allie again (and this time not as the villain). While it felt forced including the orb (is that what it’s called? If not that’s what I’m calling it), but I liked how all the other pieces fit together (ex: the flame, the grounders’ language). Honestly, I surprise myself to say this, but I’d watch another episode. For 7x09, I liked being on Bardo and watching Octavia, Echo, Diyoza and Hope slowly get “brainwashed” I mean trained. We all knew it wouldn’t work for Hope and if I was them I would rather be on Sky Ring than Bardo (but then I guess I’d go crazy, so...) I enjoy the Octavia and Levitt relationship and would love them to work out, but if this show taught you anything it’s to be skeptical. I also want to shift to the Primes plot, just to showcase John Murphy for a second. THAT MAN! What a character development he’s had on this show. From the first season where I was like come on Murphy to now me awaiting his scenes. From cockroach to someone who won’t view himself as a hero. So good and something that is fantastic about this final season. They might have forgotten about other characters, but they’re doing it right by Murphy.
Well, that was more than I was expecting. ;)
THE CIRCLE
It feels like I haven’t watched a lot of reality TV this year, which makes sense because of our quarantine situation (but then again I’m watching World of Dance, but that’s a different because it’s more of a competition/dance show. I’ll stop rambling). The Circle is a reality ‘game’ show that could be easily completed during quarantine and social distancing because the contestants do not see each other in person. They each have an apartment in this complex and only communicate with each other on a social media platform called the Circle. The objective is to become the most popular and an influencer who gets power over who stays and who goes in the competition. There’s some side contests throughout, but most of the show is just people chatting through an insta messenger and trying to learn as much as they can. Alliances are formed and cat fishes try to thrive all for the grand prize of $100,000. (Wow, that’s a lot!) It is SUPER addicting and very funny. Having a voice-over narrator really makes it even funnier because she says what we’re all thinking. Just about every episode a contestant leaves and then is able to meet one other person in their apartment. It’s been cool seeing their reactions as oftentimes it’s someone they did not expect AT ALL. I can’t wait to finish it. If you’re a fan of Big Brother than this is definitely for you. Looks like there will be a second season, which I am excited about.
THE BABYSITTERS CLUB
Jumping from one Netflix show to another. Released on Netflix on July 3rd, I tried not to binge it all in one day because then it would be over (and we still don’t know if there will be a second season yet). This is definitely my feel good watch for July. If you want something that’s a quick watch and just wholesome and fun to escape our current world than this is for you. I always felt so happy after watching and couldn’t wait to watch another. While I was familiar with the franchise--the 90s movie and of course the books (although I was more of a Babysitter Little Sister fan, so I was very excited to see Karen), you don’t have to have any knowledge of the Babysitters Club to enjoy this show. I was hooked just about right away by this new series shown by me watching the first three episodes back to back. I really like how they set up each episode with one girl as the main focus (just like in the books) where she takes over the voice-over narration. Great representation and made modern to fit in with our current times. The first example that comes to mind is when Mary Ann babysits Bailey who is transgender. I liked how Bailey says those are her old clothes while they’re playing. It’s shown in a way that explains the situation without feeling like a lecture. It fits so naturally into the episode. And then Mary Ann’s speech at the hospital is super powerful for both Bailey and herself. This is just one example of how well represented this show is. Extremely strong cast and actresses who are the proper ages. I also love the adult casting and how they threw in a Clueless reference from Alicia Sliverstone (who plays Kristy’s Mom). As someone who is writing for this age group, I really liked hearing and seeing how authentic this show is.
FEEL THE BEAT
A Netflix original movie that has been on my list for a while that I just got around to watching. It didn’t come out too long ago. In the film, Sofia Carson’s character is a dancer who is a perfectionist. She gets on the bad side of a big NYC producer when she not only leaves her in the rain as she steals her taxi, but also knocks her, accidentally, off stage and becomes a viral video-this basically blackmails her in Broadway. This all happens within about the first 10 minutes of the film and the majority takes place back in her small home town (very Hallmark-like) in Wisconsin. While there her old dancing teacher wants her to share her Broadway wisdom with her young students. Meanwhile Carson has only been a chorus girl, so she doesn’t really have any. What draws her to helping the young girls is the chance to perform in front of a big choreographer that could get her to be the star she always dreamed of. The catch is that it’s the teacher dance in the childrens dance competition. While this might sound like a movie you’ve watched many times before, it was still worth it and a really fun watch. I think the kids really make the movie. They are adorable, funny and super talented. You feel connected with them really fast and want to see them succeed. I loved Dickie and how he joined the group. I think he was my favorite overall. I loved how inclusive the cast was here too (just like BSC) from a mixed race family, to single parents and even a student who was Deaf. It was great seeing the other actors sign to her. Carson’s character, April, can be annoying at times, but you understand it’s her character and something she needs to overcome. As I said before the plot may seem familiar, but the ending was something I didn’t see coming. Overall, wholesome, feel good and fun for the whole family. You can consider to watch while babysitting. (See what I did there??)
VIOLETTA SEASON 2
She’s back! I know last month when I included Violetta it was mainly me being excited to see the second season FINALLY streaming on Disney Plus. I had watched a few episodes (remember there’s 80 altogether, so even if I watched 20 that’s still very early on and just a dent in the season) and was still getting used to this season. Well, now I’m happy to report I am in the 40s and more than half way. For a bit I was watching many of these episodes a day, which told me that I was loving it again. Recently, I feel I need a little more of a push to watch, but it’s mainly because of certain story-lines that feel like they’re dragging. (For example: Violetta’s voice. One minute it’s fine and the next she’s like dying). For this section I have two words: LOVE TRIANGLES. And I’m not just talking about Violetta, Diego and Leon. For a bit it felt like each character had their own love triangle, which honestly I was loving. These characters have definitely developed a lot from last season, which allows this to happen. Olga was in a love triangle, which just recently got resolved. I think German is still in one because of his alter ego Jeremias. Jackie was “kind of” in one. For her it was more of a misunderstanding, which is very classic on this show. Lots more secrets have been uncovered in these episodes as well as songs! You know how excited I am for those. Overall, I think I’m still enjoying season 1 songs more (which get referenced enough in this season), but some of the season 2 ones are really growing on me. Specifically Leon’s Entre dos mundos and when he sings with Diego Euphoria in English. Also, Yo Soy Asi has been real catchy. I know Frederico will be coming back soon and I can’t wait to see him again!
HAMILTON
Like many I watched Hamilton this month-actually on the day it came out. It’s been a musical that I’ve been intrigued by, but never thought I’d get a chance to watch because of how popular and expensive it is to see on Broadway. So, I was very excited to hear I’d get the chance when it was to be released in theaters for a special event. Then because of Corona it was released to Disney Plus, which was EVEN more convenient and exciting. I really enjoyed it and watched it twice within the same week. I immediately downloaded the playlist and started singing it around the house. I do this a lot with many of the plays I see, but depending how good they are is shown by how long I listen to the soundtrack. (Some of my top ones are Bandstand, Once, Newsies and Anastasia.) Because there are so many songs in Hamilton it is taking me a little longer to know all the words, but I feel pretty confident with the first act. It was the perfect timing for this to be released on Disney Plus. Not only because it was July 3rd, but also because of the world we are living in. Lin’s diverse cast brings to life the world of 1776 and the revolutionary war (as well as the time after it), but it’s such a strong commentary on our world today. This is something I am continually noticing with historical dramas/pieces being released within the last 5-10 years. It feels like there’s more we can say in this genre than in a commentary piece. I also like all the analysis videos I’ve seen popping up, which just make it even more powerful. (Like it being Eliza’s story and her putting herself back in the narrative. That the play Hamilton is named for both her and Alexander.) I don’t know if all of what I see were intentional, but either way well done. I hope it doesn’t leave Disney Plus soon.
1917
And lastly, 1917. I promised quite the range this month and you can see that’s definitely the case. I always enjoy watching war films and with 1917 there was so much hype (both before it came out and after) that I was interested to give it a watch. Giving the movie to my dad for father’s day felt like the perfect excuse to be able to watch it. Even though our DVD stuck in a few places (still don’t know if it was the player or the DVD itself), the film was very entertaining and I would suggest it to anyone who is a history/film buff. Taking place in WWI, we follow two British soldiers as they attempt to deliver a message about an upcoming ambush that could take countless lives. I feel that I often watch more films revolving around WWII, so it was very interesting to be immersed in the first great war. After watching I am not surprised that the film was up for so many Oscars. While cinematography is the first thing everyone discusses when it comes to this movie (and it should be because the one shot/long shot is sooo impressive and beautiful to watch. It really brings you into the scene and has a way of making you feel like you’re there too. There’s a realness to it that’s raw and new compared to other war films I’ve watched in the past), there’s so much more to this film too. First, I like how it connects back to Sam Mendes’ grandfather, so while it’s not a true story it has real facts in it. I LOVE the score and music to this film. In the scene where George Mackay runs at night through those ruined buildings I could really hear how well the music worked with the action. Because of this I made sure to listen to some of the soundtrack and now I’ve added some of the songs into my writing playlist. I have chills just thinking about it. The other point I want to bring up is the cast! While there are SO MANY big names in this film from Colin Firth to Benedict Cumberbatch, the two main characters are played by George Mackay and Dean Charles Chapman and they are the ones with the most screen time. If their chemistry and acting wasn’t so great then the movie wouldn’t be as successful as it is. Because of this I have been watching non-stop YouTube interviews of the two of them for this film.
They are so well-spoken, stand-up guys and I can’t get enough of their dialogues with each other and others. (You should watch these interviews too). While familiar with Chapman’s time on Game of Thrones, I haven’t seen him in much else, so I’m excited to see what he’ll have in the future (as well as checking out his IMDB page). For Mckay, I’ve seen him before when I just watched Ophelia earlier this summer so that was my first time watching him act. After that film I was curious what else he was in, but it was only after 1917 that I started doing more research. So far, I’ve only been able to watch the short film he was in called Infinite. While only 17 minutes it was very strong and deep. I highly recommend. As I’ve shared on this page already, in another post, the more I hear him talk the more of a crush I am developing. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced a celebrity crush this strong so soon. This quarantine has to end so I can make it to England to just casually bump into him like one does. :)
#july picks#monthly picks#tv and movies#dc stargirl#stargirl cw#stargirl spoilers#henry king jr.#stargirl 1x10#The 100#the 100 spoilers#the 100 final season#john murphy#netflix the circle#the babysitters club#the bsc#kristy thomas#claudia kishi#stacey mcgill#mary anne spier#dawn schafer#feel the beat#sofia carson#violetta#violetta season 2#violetta castillo#hamilton#1917#george mckay#celebrity crush#in love with george mackay
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I rewatched Eternal Diva and this time I took notes as I went through
Dive under the cut if you dare to experience my mad in-the-moment ramblings (warning for spoilers for pretty much the entire prequel trilogy)
- Don Paolo’s voice sounds like what Papyrus’s voice probably should
- Winter Layton is precious in that giant coat
- Janice is so pretty omg an angel
- Layton geeking out over the Detrogan is goddamn adorable
- I love how everything is greyed out in Janice’s flashback
- Suuuuuuuuper subtle indication that maybe “Janice” seeing how young this little girl was is what prompted her to find a way to put an end to this whole thing
- Whether it’s a moped or the Laytonmobile, Emmy drives like crazy XD
- Bitch you ain’t on Top Gear
- God her big sister relationship with Luke is adorable tho
- Aaaaaaaaaaaah Layton smiling at their banter dad’s so happy for his son
- They did such a good job reusing the game’s music for this movie
- The opera house looks so cool but so precarious – my first thought upon seeing it was “when is this thing going to sink”
- I MEAN IT’S ON A CLIFF
- Janice’s voice is so pretty TToTT
- I like that they kept the Japanese vocals for her singing
- SONG OF THE SEA-SHADOWING
- I hate that Layton and Luke were the ONLY people to honestly applaud the performance. Everyone else is a DICK
- First time I saw this dude, I thought “that’s a puppet, no ordinary person moves like that even in animation”
- Once again, Layton putting a polite and gentlemanly spin on “fucked if I know, my dude”
- Lol I love that even the people who didn’t applaud and thus apparently knew what they were in for weren’t down for dying
- Fuking cowards
- Layton is always DTF (down to fight)
- GROSKY OF THE YARD
- FUCK YES
- This dude’s manliness is infectious
- “Gee, I wonder who’s behind this-“ *Descole’s theme starts playing* “-oh well never mind”
- Honestly who else but Descole would be this fucking extra tho
- Gotta admit I love the twist of the opera house being a ship, I was totally expecting it to just go plunging into the ocean at a moment’s notice
- Aaaaah the CG in this movie is really well done
- Layton’s angry face is kinda ridiculous but I love it
- I love that it’s pointed out like “where tf did all these sharks come from”
- I prefer Cartoon Saloon’s Song of the Sea, but this one’s pretty too
- Lol as if a MAN-EATING SHARK could keep down GROSKY OF THE YARD
- I’m surprised he can see over the top of his chest hair
- God, the detrogan is such a cool instrument and I really wish something like it existed irl
- Ah, it’s only like fifteen sharks, Grosky will be fine
- I love the air of mystery surrounding Oswald Whistler
- Layton’s hat is made of 100% pure uncut husband material
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAH I LOVE HOW PUZZLES ARE USED IN THIS MOVIE IT’S SO GOOOOOOOD
- I’m so glad they didn’t scrap it entirely coz I mean they’re so integral not only to the Layton games, but Layton himself
- This music box tune kinda gives me Gravity Falls vibes tbh
- I think the backing melody sounds pretty identical to the tune’s intro
- I love that this movie actually lets us see inside Layton’s head and his thought process, it’s so much better than just having him put everything together seemingly offscreen
- Tbh any puzzle where “the night sky” is the solution is bound to be a good puzzle
- I just fucking love the implied MASSACRES in this movie
- God Luke is so goddamn precious
- Pffft pumpkin dude is so subtly duplicitous
- Okay I have ot pause for a bit to rant about layton’s design because it’s SO GOOD. Warm colours make him seem welcoming and kinda comfy and the simple facial features, while a bit Ditto-esque, do combine nicely with his overall shape to scream “friend”. Professor Layton is friend shaped. And of course there’s the popped collar to show that he’s cool, the high collared shirt gives a scholarly vibe, his shoes which I stg are plimsolls show a practical side and of course the quintessential top hat shows that he’s a Gentleman first and foremost. Add the amazing voice to that and BOI I DIE
- Although I can’t help imagining that gif with the teddy bear slapping eyebrows onto its face to look angry whenever he gets mad
- Luke is not friend shaped. Luke is son shaped.
- Precious bab shaped
- Wpw a sea captain I would never have guessed other than the “sailor” accent and the fact that you’re wearing a sailor’s uniform
- Ugh I love these quiet moments where things can sink in and characters can just talk to each other, I really wish more movieswould do this
- I love that even if you don’t have a literal look at his thought processes, you can still see Layton THINKINg
- Agh Amelia is SO CUTe this series is so good at designing beautiful women and cute girls while also making them look DISTINCT
- I like that they hinted at her intelligence by having her solve the puzzles by herself
- One advantage a film has over the games is that the visual novel format kinda limits the dialogue, coz it’s hard to convey one charafter talking over another
- I really like the side characters. They’re simple, yes, but they don’t really need to be complex
- I will admit that the limits of Layton’s simple facial features means it can be hard to tell who/what he’s looking at sometimes…
- “that man” asked me to write an opera, huh
- WHY DOES NOBODY ASK WHO
- Fuck descole’s theme is SO GOOD
- WHERE DOES HE GET THE FUNDING FOR ALL OF THIS THOUGH
- And Grosky boards the ship just in time for it to blow up XD I love this dude
- I can only imagine his gigantic pecs act as a flotation device
- Layton preventing Luke from looking at the exploding ship THIS MAN IS SUCH A DAD HE’S SO GOOD
- I love this scene with Emmy investigating because these parent’s appearances are just enough to make it ambiguous whether they’re Nina or Amelia’s parents
- Seeing them all wrapped up in blankets is kinda cute tbh
- LET. THEM. SLEEP.
- I wonder what Layton uses to keep his hat on?
- Lol Emmy pushing a fossil aside to look at the map
- I can only assume, given that they set off from the White Cliffs of Dover, that this island is SOMEWHERE off the coast of mainland Europe in about the same region as Spain
- Ugh I LOVE Emmy’s uppercrust accent, the fact that she sounds like such a refined lady is such a fun contrast to her literal arse-kicking
- Also this is totally BBC news lol
- I love the detail of the historian’s scrapbook being kinda hodgepodge with bits falling out
- And I love the Ambrosia Seal being super detailed but the subtle incorporation of a sheet music design
- Gotta admit I totally thought this little banquet was poisoned on my first watch
- Lol I love that pumpkin guy just KEEPS POURING THE WINE
- Ugh that beach looks SO PRETTY, I want to go there
- Janice is totally crushing on Layton, pass it on
- D’awwwwww luke trying to befriend ‘melina’ is SO CUTE this boy must be protected at all costs
- Layton how did you hear what she was humming from all the way over there
- Why do so many anime characters have inexplicable super senses
- Those wolves’ eyeliner is on point lol
- “I’m not built for running” lol mood
- FUCKING HELL DESCOLE WHO IS FUNDING ALL YOUR SHIT
- HOW MUCH DISPOSABLE INCOME DO YOU FUCKING HAVE
- Admittedly on my first watch I wasn’t as familiar with descole’s theme, but I saw that castle and I just thought “it’s descole, only he can be that extra”
- The twist of using the cages for personal protection rather than to trap the walls is simple, but so clever
- I love that Mr Whistler was one of those accidentally trapped outside. Keeps suspicion off
- And I love Layton saying “well that solved PART of our problem”
- YOU SHUT UP LADY THE PROFESSOR IS AMAZING
- And then he trips and falls lol that’s what you get for wearing old man shoes
- “Even a good gentleman needs to get some exercise!” pfft
- Oh hey, they found the starter house that Descole was using while he was building that castle. I wonder what texture pack he’s using?
- And here Layton puts MacGuyver to shame in the most Ghibli way possible
- I’d love to see someone try to build this thing XD someone call the Mythbusters
- Bjut I adore how even LAYTON isn’t sure how this fucking thing works
- Fucking NERD
- Yeah, these filmmakers were TOTALLY influenced by Ghibli
- This is so Castle In The Sky, it hurts
- “Hang on tight! NOT TO THE PILOT!” – best line in the movie
- You can’t escape it, Layton. You is a dad
- DID YOU GUYS NOT SEE LAYTON LAPUTA-ING HIS WAY IN
- It’s great how all those puzzles seem like they could be ripped straight out of the Layton games, complete with outside-the-box bizarre thinking required to solve em
- I’m so proud of Luke for solving it!!!!! Such a good boy
- RUDE
- Yeah, just stand in the middle of the suspiciously empty room, I’m sure nothing will go wrong
- That’s what you get for shoving Layton aside, bitches
- Lol I guess luke could just step through the bars if his head was a bit smaller
- DESCOLE HOLY FUCK YOU ARE THE KING OF EXTRA
- “humble scientist” GOOD GRIEF WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT YOU DRAMA QUEEN
- I love that Emmy can FLY A PLANE
- Holy shit grosky there are better ways to signal for help
- And LESS GROSS WAYS TO DRY YOURSELF OFF IN A PLANE
- Yeah, see, you lost your knickers
- Ugh, god. I adore this scene with Layton in Melina’s room. It’s so quiet, the soft evening lighting… aaaaaaaaaaah so peaceful, but you can still feel the tension in the air, especially after Melina comes in
- Oh my god, Layton plays like an angel *swoon*
- The lack of background music in this scene is what makes it so perfect, the tension is so REAL
- Lol I love the historian just standing there like ‘welp there they go’
- NOOOOOOOOO LUKE DON’T CRY
- BIG SIS IS HERE
- Oh fuck yes
- EMMY I LOVE YOU
- God she and grosky are so fantastic XD
- WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO FIGHT LIKE THAT EMMY
- Somehow emmy gives me Michelle of the Resistance vibes
- God, I kinda love it when you can tell Layton’s already put it all together and is just biding his time
- AAAAAAAAAAH I love the subtle resemblance between Layton and what you can see of Descole’s face
- In hindsight, that… stole? Is that what it is? The fur thing isprobably to hide his face shape because it most likely ups his resemblance to Layton
- But he’s totally wearing black converse like the extra hipster nerd he is
- God, I can’t even imagine the nightmare of having your memories overridden and personality suppressed
- Aaaaaaaaaaaand here’s the summation. I love this part in pretty much every Layton thing
- “Assisting you was the scientist, Jean Descole!” Descole: lol hi
- LAYTON YOU ARE SUCH A DAD I LOVE YOU
- Him being gentle with kids is so sweet
- Also damn this backstory is a lot. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a loved one, but I’m not surprised a father would do anything he could to keep his daughter alive
- “When did you realise I was involved” “ur an extra bitch who lives for drama, who else could it be”
- That brief bit of Luke without his hat just makes him look even more BABY BOI MUST PROTECC
- Okay real talk when did Janice get hold of the key
- I’m guessing it was in the commotion when Mr Whistler grabbed Luke
- SUCH A GOOD TWIST I LOVE IT
- My heeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaart goddammit
- In hindsight, the hint of Janice wearing Melina’s pendant was really subtle and clever
- GODDAMMIT DESCOLE CAN YOU STOP BEING EXTRA FOR LIKE TEN SECONDS
- It’s kinda cool that he’s an archaeologist too though. It really does run in the family.
- The way Descole and Whistler’s schemes intertwined was really cool
- Yeah, it just wouldn’t be Descole if there wasn’t some over-the-top machinery
- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MAGIC MUSIC THIS IS MY SHIT
- When escaping from a crumbling castle, do be sure to grab your boy.
- AAAAAAAAAGH THE SCENERY IN THIS MOVIE IS SO FUCKING GOOD
- Good lord, there it is. Descole just can’t function unless he has some ridiculous Humongous Mecha at his command
- This thing looks especially monstrous and I love it
- I don’t think I’ve seen ANY faults in this movie’s animation, jesus Christ
- Descole, did you learn nothing from the attempted excavation of Troy? It’s very possible that your efforts to unearth Ambrosia will be what destroys it!
- Aaaaaaaagh this flying scene is intense as FUCK
- Layton and Luke are SUCH A GOOD TEAM
- WHAT IS THIS MUSIC I LOVE IT
- Luke you are SUCH A GOOD BOY
- Sorry but you’ll never be mob tho
- Mob is perfection
- JESUS CHRIST DESCOLE ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL A CHILD
- I was about to ask where that explosion came from but then I realised it was probably a petrol-powered chainsaw
- Layton who told you that you could look this goddamn epic
- But I love that he’s taking on the sword-armed Descole with a PIPE
- That footwork tho
- Layton must be an amazing dancer
- So cool that he’s patiently explaining why Descole was wrong
- Sun, stars and sea. I feel like that’s a Dothraki term of endearment meant for oceanfairing
- MORE MAGIC MUSIC I AM BLESSED
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH THIS IS THE FUCKING COOLEST
- I’M SUCH A SLUT FOR MAGIC MUSIC GODDAMMIT AND THIS IS DOUBLE TEAMING ME WITH SINGING AND PIANO
- I do enjoy that despite its emergence, Ambrosia is still partially submerged. Some movies would’ve had it rise from the sea completely
- Lol at Descole losing his shit because SOMEONE ELSE found the answer
- Yeah, bad idea attacking someone right on top of your humongous mecha’s control panel
- “DESCOLE!” dude he’s fine you really think he’d die
- I was going to ask why Emmy didn’t use her plane but she probably couldn’t get to it in time
- Yeah, this is SO Ghibli. The gigantic industrialised machine self-destructing on the ruins of an ancient civilisation lost to nature
- Noooooooooo don’t do this to me movie, nothing kills me like sad flashbacks
- Ow my heart
- This hurts
- “I’m sorry, Father. I’ve only ever brought you grief and sadness, haven’t I” as someone who’s struggled with depression this is a whole-ass mood
- NO THIS HURTS STOP IT
- Also the lil detail of Whistler’s waistcoat being the same shade of purple as Melina/Janice’s dress
- NOOO DON’T MAKE LUKE SAD
- “I’m so glad all of you were my very last memory.” Damn that line hits hard
- GIVE THE GIRL A HUG, LAYTON
- I said a hug, not a hand on the shoulder, she needs a HUG
- Seeing the destroyed detrogan really hammers it home, huh
- It’s very kind of Grosky to let Whistler play one last time in memory of his daughter
- When I got into the Layton series, I was no expecting to be hit so hard with the FEELS
- “Do you know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?”
- GNU Ambrosia, I guess
- Ugh it’s so PRETTY tho
- Fucking sparkles and shit
- D’awwwww, I love the image of Luke patching up the wolves, he’s so sweet
- Knowing the truth about Emmy and seeing her being so happy with Layton and Luke makes it really painful :’(
- The world needs more of Layton with a big, happy smile
- Awww, Author Lady and Pumpkin Dude kept in touch
- GROSKY GOT HIS UNDIES BACK
- Ugh seeing Layton and Luke peacefully listening to that music is SO CUTE and SOFT
#professor layton and the eternal diva#professor layton#hershel layton#luke triton#pl#The Amazing Adventures of Rainy Meadows#this movie is so good holy shit#delicious finally some good fucking video game movie
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It seemed like the transcripts of some of Chronos' videos were lost, so I went ahead and redid them myself.
I strongly believe that my mom was being monitored and harrassed by Youtube, Universal Pictures, and their affiliates, due to a secret, of sorts, she had uncovered within the original trilogy of Jurassic Park films
Let me start by saying as early on as I can that I am not crazy - never been diagnosed with schizophrenia, [????] disorder, or any other mental illness. I'm just good at noticing patterns
I've always been a big Jurassic Park fan.
[near illegible, but I tried my best] I saw the first[firat?] film in the [??] when I was five years old, [etc]
It's possible that Youtube's part in the harrassment campaign may have started with the removal of her various tribute videos to Jurassic Park after her passing
but those may also merely be the result of the vast machine that is the automated copyright-takedown system.
As big of a JP fan as I am
though... [yes, just one word gets its own entire block.]
[The next two slides are both on screen for like a second or less each, and both very hard to read.]
I was never as [Jebus??] into the franchise as my mom was. She would watch the entire trilogy [something something] weekend [something] month
She would buy JP-branded oatmeals and sugary cereals, long after her doctor advised her to steer clear of these for [sdffghjh] tribute videos [sasfsds] like
those Linkin Park anime music videos, [there seems to be another line below this in smaller text, but all that can be seen due to the "Lost World" logo is an 'n']
I started noticing their absences toward the end of 2015
Without access to her Youtube password [again, the logo obscures a second line of smaller text] videos s[asdf] eate[n???] on her old laptop
I contacted Youtube many times regarding the videos, but have only recieved canned auto-responses and unhelpful, yes sympathetic responses from actual employees after pressing the matter
Sudden huge increase in views...
I hope anyone reading this is good with computers. Can you help a dude out?
Anyone with experience in the "Eratas" or "Erratas" system, if you could send me a message I'd be extremely grateful.
I realise reaching out to my Youtube viewers is a stretch, but hey I guess it's worth a shot, right?
This is the current automatic transcript of the song lyrics- note the address is gone.
0:00 yummy with our bodies we go double take
0:16 when double towel and down because you
0:18 will obey yep at the moment a swing
0:24 according and what if they were moving
0:26 out of people put this flag again me and
0:30 where we get the Kyrian's logbook that
0:32 much will be here with norma j whatever
0:35 same time of shipment be ready rings I
0:39 got the swagger bomb dinner she gotta be
0:41 the banker getting hungry mi made it was
0:46 a motherfucker I get the most which is
0:49 one of those bad Mama's lawmakers face
0:54 big to wait before the game silly
0:56 mistakes by me for the legality long
1:00 incremented plan to participate there
1:03 are few things that remain partly in
1:05 fact women brown one jet respect for
1:08 just a sec all want to hear that amana
1:12 fellas
1:14 where's little water water some people
1:20 talk to prepare a while did you dress
1:22 this is probably one night shift with a
1:25 flower wanna sesh with the left yeah I
1:28 came with the girl boy more than I can
1:32 make you feel a bit of summer fun dirty
1:34 hands off what you got this one is
1:37 different cuz of giving up their friend
1:40 not expedia we go up as much me what is
1:44 now for miracles that reason who I saved
1:49 it up for going my life we thought okay
1:52 II didn't see results el Muppet is
1:55 liking the brand back when we flew with
1:58 the what the fucking bag guys what dear
2:01 what I do like her to the finish my blog
2:05 or give it give you burn the neck yet
2:08 before pop pop pop you're already
2:10 because up just a touch the phone fucker
2:14 hit e'rybody chose to be seven dollars
2:18 oof amazing makers Allah fuckin ear for
2:21 my age / or two big horses doing his way
2:26 where we're going
2:28 we're breaking any / you an exact
2:32 digital model for the problems of
2:34 opinion i wanna do you live with my
2:37 first build up an American town to fit
2:42 terrasse de multiple more Chicago's
2:45 that's what we not all results too
2:48 powerful for design code changes
And here's the transcript for the QnA video, copy-pasted from KYM because it's under a spoiler tag on that page and thus won't archive. I don't know why KYM thinks this video was deleted, as it's very much still available.
TRANSCRIPT:
[start of video]
I’ve been fairly reluctant to really ask anyone for help since the nature of ] like pre[ classic paranoid nutjob ramblings -
algorithms controlling things behind the scenes, weird stuff in that vein.
But I would never waste anyone’s time with stuff like that. In the past couple of years I’ve asked for help from friends in programming and business circles.
but over time, friendships fade, people move, people stop talking to you. You know the drill.
As such, I’m very grateful for the help people are giving and I’ll try and answer as many questions as I can here.
Cork Top writes:
Q: "So with this video, are you essentially trying to see if this system called “Erratas” or “Eratas” will attempt to take down the video because it’s some system/algorithm that takes down videos that… I don’t know, include the term “Eratas”/“Erratas” in them? Which is why you used asterisks for letters in the word in the description, to see if the system could detect text on videos?"
[Cont…]
A: Thanks for writing, Cork. Yes. I don’t know much about programming or computer systems, so I’m not too savvy about how to trick them. All I really know about Erratas is that it’s used by dozens of companies.
(“recent”, as in, within the last 5 or 6 years)
they seem to use it as a copyright-enforcement tool which works as an excellent [?] if you want to take down other things as well.
But it has its limitations, and I’m fairly sure that my “test video” helped ferret those out. Maybe.
The original Jurassic Park trilogy is excellent, by the way, I highly recommend it.
The second film is my favorite, in spite of its flaws.
Frank Horrigan writes “what is the erratas system? any documentation?”
A: Thanks ]ing, Frank. “Erratas”[?] is something I [?(I’m not sure if there’s a word here or not)] crossed paths with over the years, and in[scope[?] disturb[??(this word MIGHT be “disturbance,” or it might be “disturbs me”)] …
The fact that it went after my mom in her twilight years is either evidence of its enormous and uncaring[?] reach in other words, a coincidence, or it means it’s
specifically still coming after me after all these years, and to be frank, both options freak me out equally.
3M and Unilever were early adopters, which shows the versatility of the system.
Too much faith is put into computers in general, and WAY too much faith was put in Erratas. Lots of people lost their jobs.
And Aaron4420 [referring to a YouTuber who posted on one of his videos], it’s easy to talk shit from behind a computer screen but takes a real man to back it up so suck my dick through a straw
[end]
rip aaron4420
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The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette, Episode 3
Rachel Lindsay is a practicing attorney who once took the LSAT. And you, dear reader, are an aspiring attorney who will soon take the LSAT. Rachel Lindsay is also an aspiring married person, serving as the bachelorette on this season of The Bachelorette, the love story these depraved times deserve. And you, dear reader, may also be an aspiring married person? Either way, you definitely have at least a few things in common with Rachel. So every Tuesday, we’re going to be tracking Rachel’s romantic journey on The Bachelorette, and see what we can learn about love, loss, and the LSAT. Welcome back to the Logical Rose-ning Section.
Last time: Rachel tested the contestants’ abilities in “husbandry.” Most of the guys are awkward dorks. There was a boring controversy over whether a catchphrase-spouting guy who was literally wearing a tank top he’s trying to sell to you is there for, you guessed it, the “right reasons. Kareem Abdul Jabbar showed up to watch some of the guys play ball, but considering the appearance of DeMario’s side girl Lexi, you wonder if they had Kareem confused with Wilt Chamberlain. Rachel showed some impressive lawyer skills when mediating between DeMario and Lexi, and then dismissed DeMario with righteous fury. Obviously DeMario respected her wishes and the legal concept of res judicata and left. JK, he showed up again to plead his case.
DeMario shows back up
We pick up right where we left off last week, with the opposite-of-triumphant return of DeMario. Rachel deigns to meet with him. And, to his credit, DeMario starts off pretty well with a polite handshake and an explanation about how he should have been more truthful to Rachel, whose motto is to “always keep it 100.” He drops a quote about how life’s joy requires experiencing pain. He explains how he hope joy will come from this painful experience. But then DeMario gets increasingly desperate and starts rambling about his Uber driver’s advice and completely loses the thread. Know when to end closing arguments, dude.
Rachel, whip-smart as she is, sees through all of this. She says, “I need a man who, when confronted with a difficult situation, doesn’t lie about it.” She can’t get passed DeMario’s initial response to seeing Lexi on the group date, which was basically the live equivalent of dropping a “New phone who dis?”
Then Rachel really drops some fury. My episode notes at this point just read “Dayumn girl.” Rachel tells DeMario that his quote about needing pain to experience joy was cute, but that his hypothetically joyful future is not in the Man-sion. “Forward isn’t that way, it’s that way, outside of this house,” she says.
After Rachel dropped the mic on a dumbfounded DeMario, the remaining guys are all like, “We’re here for you, Rachel.” And she just responds, “I’m good. I’m great.” She is. Rachel doesn’t need you guys. Let’s just kick all the guys off and have a show about Rachel and her dog traveling the world. A Travels with Charlie for the digital age.
Rose Ceremony
The rest of the cocktail party really just shows how not up to Rachel’s level these dudes are. Jonathan wears giant hands? Alex does a Rubik’s cube? Will dunks on a Playskool hoop. Dude, she just kicked off a dude who can dunk on a real hoop.
Blake continues to freaks out about Whaboom. The Whaboom guy tells a bizarre story about Blake standing over Whaboom guy’s bed sensually eating a banana. Blake’s defense is that he doesn’t eat carbs. These guys.
This all a prelude to the rose ceremony, where Rachel will take an axe to some of the chaff remaining in this group. At the ceremony, she apologizes for the DeMario sitch. But she doesn’t apologize for sending these jokers home. And she shouldn’t! Bryan, Bryce, Eric, Anthony (literally don’t remember this guy, he must be new), Will, Jonathan, Jack, Matt, Alex, Adam, Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King (who adorably accepts his rose offer by saying, “How Kenny say no?”), Brady (also don’t remember this guy), noted racist (which should not be surprising given his penchant for Richard Spencer’s haircut) Lee, Iggy, Fred the bad little summer camp boy, and Diggy get roses, joining Piggo Mortensen and DeanBot2000, who received roses on their dates last week.
This leaves Blake, and Whaboom out in the cold. And frankly, that’s fine by me. During the entire ceremony both Whaboom and Blake freak out about how each is much more deserving of Rachel’s affection than the other. Even when Blake is saying his goodbyes to Rachel, he brings up Whaboom. After their confessional interviews, they get into an argument that is literally the exact argument the protagonists of a romantic comedy have before declaring their love. These guys just need to kiss and get it over with. Maybe they’ll leave this show, discover their unbridled passion for each other, and make Whaboom every night under the stars. If and when they do though, it’ll be away from the watchful eye of The Bachelorette cameras. They’re gone. Anyway, drum roll for aspirant drummer Blake and a 12-Whaboom salute for Lucas.
Group Date Number 1
And with that, we are on to the episode’s first group date. The date card invites Bryan, Jonathan, Peter, Alex, Will, and Fred along for the ride. The card reads “Lights, Camera, Action. Come join me on the set of Ellen.” They’re going on your mom’s favorite show, Ellen.
On the set of Ellen, Rachel calls Ellen her “spirit animal.” Ellen follows Rachel’s creed of keeping it 100, and gives her unflinching assessment of these clowns. When Rachel tells Ellen about the creepy tickling Jonathan pulled during their first impression meeting, Ellen says, “I don’t like that. Why is he still here?” When Rachel tells Ellen about Will’s Urkel cosplay, Ellen says, “I don’t like that either.”
Once filming of the Ellen show begins—which again, your mom definitely saw, since it is her favorite show—Ellen implores the guys to take their shirts off and dance with the crowd. The guys could not be more eager to oblige her request. Alex, who possesses the physique and Russian heritage of peak Ivan Drago, goes especially crazy, dancing on woman of all ages. Hell nah, Alex, don’t discriminize.
Once things settle down, the guys play “Never have I ever” with Rachel and Ellen. Poor Fred can’t catch a break. He’s already playing at a disadvantage, having been a bad little boy at the summer camp Rachel went to. On syndicated television, Ellen asks about him being a bad little summer camp boy. During the game, it’s revealed that most of his fellow contestants on the date have already kissed Rachel. Later, he awkwardly asks her permission for a kiss. He uses a cheesy pick-up line about how she might catch feelings after the kiss. Rachel then tells him that she still sees him as the bad little summer camp boy, and for that reason, she can’t reciprocate these feelings. She knows all about reciprocity, given that she has that word tattooed on her ribs. Fred is left packing. Alex then gets the group date rose. Sometimes the Russian villain wins.
One-on-One Date
Anthony, who is apparently a human being who has been on this show the entire time, gets the coveted one-on-one date. “Meet me at the Rodeo,” the date card reads. He’s thinking bulls and rodeo clowns and cowboys and horses. Turns out she meant Rodeo Drive (pronounced “Roe-day-oh,” a street in Beverly Hills that’s literally a gilded ode to the conspicuous consumption demanded by late capitalism). But she’s on a horse. Because rodeo. They’re spelled the same. Get it? Get it? You get it.
They take horses around Rodeo Drive as tourists gawk. They buy cowboy boots, tacky shirts, and visit a cupcake ATM. Anthony is very buff and handsome, wears size 13 shoes, and looks very commanding on a horse. But he’s basically a cipher. He feeds a horse a cupcake, and hopes the horse doesn’t defecate in the store. The horse, of course, does. At dinner, he talks about being an “old soul.” That’s about the extent of the banter these two have. I don’t see them going far. Or maybe I’m actually falling for Rachel and view Anthony as a threat? Who can say? Anyway, he gets the rose and they re-enact a scene from memorable Oscar loser La La Land.
A Break for Some LSAT Studying
We’re having fun here with The Bachelorette. Hopefully we’re feeling like we’re unwinding from a hard day of studying for the upcoming LSAT. Taking care of yourself is an important step in the study process, after all. But with the LSAT less than a week away, I know the time spent on The Bachelorette can feel like, at best, a frivolous distraction. At worst, the show can make you feel like it’s actively making you dumber.
But it’s not! In fact, The Bachelorette can help you study for the LSAT. It’s especially helpful in reviewing the common fallacies, a super important skill for Logical Reasoning. Just take a look at all the fallacies committed by the dudes on this show!
Blake: After being booted by Rachel, Blake said, “I really thought that I was going to get the chance to spend more time with Rachel.” Looks like you’re committing a perception vs. reality fallacy, Blakey. Just because you think something is true, doesn’t make it so. And that weak logic is why you’re going home.
Chris Harrison: The nominal host of this program, who got literally five seconds of screentime this episode, said, “Get ready for a date that you can only do in LA” in reference to the Ellen taping. There’s actually two fallacies here. First, Chris Harrison relies a false equivalence. Ellen actually films in Burbank, which, although located in Los Angeles County, is a city separate and distinct from the city of Los Angeles. So that’s an equivocation fallacy. Second, Chris also commits an exclusivity fallacy in assuming that the greater Los Angeles area is the only place Ellen films her show. Ellen has taped her show in New York before.
Alex: In flirting with Rachel, our 80s Russian villain contestant says, “Your left eye goes to your emotions; your right eye goes to logic.” Despite being able to solve a Rubik’s cube, Alex doesn’t display sound logic here. Alex is actually committing an exclusivity fallacy, in assuming that these functions are mutually exclusive.
Anthony: During the one-on-one date on Rodeo drive, Anthony says, “I’m just thinking, [the horses] ate the horse cupcakes. I just hope they don’t let it loose in the store. That’s bad for business.” Here, Anthony is assuming that the cupcakes will cause the horses to defecate in the store. But of course, the cupcakes didn’t necessarily cause the horses to defecate in the store. Actually, the horses are devout Marxists and were merely expressing their displeasure with the store’s vulgar paeans to capitalism. This, of course, is a causation fallacy.
Group Date 2
Back to the show! For the second group date, Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack, and Eric all get invitations. Iggy is left out in the cold. The card reads, “Sometimes in relationships, the women have to take charge.” These numnuts immediately get sexist, and assume the “charge” is referring to charging items to a credit card during a shopping spree. Women be shoppin’, am I right?
Before the date, Eric begins his slow descent. He’s never been in a relationship before, and he feels like he’s making himself emotionally available to Rachel, but hasn’t seen her live up to her reciprocity tattoo and given herself to Eric. Eric wonders if her heart is in it. Eric then gets into a little tiff with Iggy when Iggy offers unsolicited advice.
On the date, Rachel brings Raven, Corinne, Jasmine, and Alexis—her fellow contestants from last season of The Bachelor. They’re going to give advice to Rachel, despite the fact that Rachel is older, smarter, and more self-assured than all of these women. But hey, they’re her “girls” so they’ll come along for the ride. Raven asks Dean and Lee who is here for the “wrong reasons” and the both say Eric.
For the second week in a row, the group date to be strongly tilted to professional-wrestler-slash-doting-father Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King. They go to a honky tonk where the boys mud wrestle. And for the second week in a row, Kenny doesn’t win. Bryce somehow manages to the muzzle the Pitbull, and takes home the chintzy championship belt that the producers managed to find.
Rachel consults with her “girls” about the contestants, and the girls bring up concerns about Eric. Rachel then bids her girls adieu. Corinne, upon realizing that her time on camera is coming to a sudden and certain end, makes this face:
After the wrestling it’s the after wrestling, and the guys get cleaned up and meet Rachel at a ranch in Agoura Hills for drinks and “deeper” conversation. The plea for “deeper” conversation means different things to different contestants. For Kenny, it means admitting to being a Chippendales dancer and giving her a taste of what he dished out to Bachelorette parties for many years. The other guys have super boring conversations in comparison.
Eric, who has been marked as a “red flag” by the boys and girls of The Bachelorette, admits to being vulnerable. Rachel then goes into lawyer mode again, and refers to statements made by Bryce and Lee about Eric’s “bad motives.” Any 1L could tell you that this evidence is objectionable as hearsay and conjecture, but Eric mostly looks dumbfounded and, increasingly, angry.
After this conversation, Eric confronts Bryce and noted racist Lee. Eric determines that Bryce’s concern genuine, but that noted racist Lee is being very suspicious. Eric says Lee has a lot of snake in his DNA. I mean, do you disagree?
Despite all this, Eric gets the group date rose.
Rose Ceremony
During the second rose ceremony, Iggy and Lee both realize that they’re captaining sinking ships on this show, and try to bring down Eric with them. They both bring up their issues with Eric to Rachel. Namely, that Eric brought up issues about whether Rachel was being genuine about the process. Rachel then wonders if she should have given Eric the rose. She ultimately lets Eric keep the rose, but tells him her “antennae are up” and she’s onto him. Eric then confronts the entire group, and when Lee gets smug in a very serpentine way, Eric gets a little heated. Just when the dramas about to get real, they hit us with the TO BE CONTINUED …
What we learned about love
For Blake, loving Whaboom is the greatest love of all.
What we learned about loss
Being a professional wrestler does not guarantee that you will win a wrestling competition. But Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King, you’re still a winner in our hearts.
What we learned about the LSAT
Despite getting a nice common fallacy review this episode, we still don’t have any idea how well Rachel did on the LSAT. However, some internet sleuthing uncovered that the median LSAT score for the Fall 2008 entering class at Marquette Law School—the class that included 2011 graduate Rachel Lindsay—was 157. However, Rachel is a +75-percentile human being if we’ve ever seen one, so our guess is that she scored between the high 150s and mid-160s. We’ll keep you updated on this story as more details become available.
The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette, Episode 3 was originally published on LSAT Blog
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