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vickyvicarious · 13 days

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Lately I'm totally stuck on the song Wax & Wane by Alana Henderson. I love it.

And the more I listen to it, the more I keep thinking of Marcille. (I feel like it'd be great for a fanvid of her, particularly when the entire series is animated.) But regardless, I can line it up so well with her story, so I just wanna ramble a bit about the lyrics now.

Under the cut for spoilers for the whole manga and length.

The song's clearly originally about a het relationship breaking up, but I don't have to interpret it that way! It gets better for her the further in the song you get, in my opinion.

I could blame our partin’ For the fact that I’m not startin’ All my mornings at the time they ought to start And I could summon up a sisterhood Cry lead me out of widowhood But that is melodrama on my part

Least fitting lines in at the beginning, but you could still sort of make them work in a fanvid at least, with slow reaction/not being ready or prepared, being caught off guard, being dramatic and then taking it back every time with food. It makes me think more of lighthearted stuff mostly, though also perhaps with Falin's original death scene maybe?

I could blame my grieving On the fact that I’ve been leaving Us behind, the ones we were when this began But I have rose-tinted us ruby And I’ve conjured up a new me Who bent freely to her newly molded man

Marcille remembering dead Falin and also her father can be the 'rose-tinted' and the newly-molded man could sorta be the life she leads now. In a sense, she's idealized both of them and their happy times with her, without being willing to linger on the negatives. Even though those drive her completely.

But we bent and we broke and I meant what I spoke And the blame game does not produce a winner We went as far as we could go, we had to go that far to know That we had nowhere left to aim And no one left to blame but The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide

This refrain matches so well with the dungeon living pushing her (and all of them, but her especially as this is her song to me) to her limits and beyond as they go deeper. I picture this first refrain as earlier, the first effort to go back and get Falin back, and succeeding but only briefly.

And I could blame my parents For my vices so inherent That I cannot shake them much as I may try But how much have I inherited Or picked up since I was a kid? That nature versus nurture paradigm I could blame wrong turns that I take On decisions that my head makes Then trace each error right back to my heart And is it broken ‘cause you toyed with it Or was it formed with a little split That grows each year further and further apart

My favorite Marcille verse. It matches so well to her grief (often in advance) for her loved ones' shorter lifespans, and the way she never fit in growing up. Is the enormity of this desire due to her parents giving her this half-elf life, or is it her own personality focusing on it too much by dedicating herself to studying to 'fix' it? Is her heart broken because Falin died too, or is this something that's always been building, only increasing the more she pursues this path... (Stuff like the nightmare attack, or that one scene where she has to animate everyone with necromancy and it's funny up until you see her break down after and realize how terrible that would have been for Marcille in particular...) But we love and we lose and we lash-out and we bruise And the name of the game’s just the living We go as far as we can go we’ve got to go that far to know That we have everything to gain By knowing we can blame The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide

You have to eat to live! Pushing further into the dungeon! This time around I see it as much later scenes, as they work to get monster!Falin back. Even when that means going against other people, even when it means planning on (arguable?) cannibalism, etc.

And so I look to Karma And if I try not to harm another I will not be harmed by anything

This one bit actually really makes me think of Falin, but it also in a way matches a more naive earlier mentality, before the various characters all accept that in order to live they have to eat (and thus hurt other things). Not to mention, it leads in well to Marcille becoming the dungeon master because she wants to protect her friends and also wants to extend everyone's lifespans. She doesn't want to cause any harm, at least in her eyes. But it rapidly goes wrong throughout the rest of the verse:

If I salute the magpie, knock on wood Will I be doing any good? Am I strung up or do I pull the string? Will the fact I cling too tightly To my dreams come back and bite me Am I trying to make a science of an art? And will the very fate I wish to woo Be the one that I undo By thinking I can steer this crazy cart

Dungeon master Marcille here! It's perfect for all of those parts of her story. Getting the power to control things on such a huge scale, but being manipulated and lacking control over herself. Her dreams and desires overtaking her, leading to destruction, the warped version of her father and life with her friends that are offered to her. Her efforts to try and steer it...

But I’ll live and I’ll learn And I’ll light and I’ll burn ’Til the flame simmers down to a spark I’ll go as far as I can go I’ve to go that far to know that I have everything to gain By knowing I can’t train The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide

And then the endgame! She struggles to get it back, to undo what has begun. Her friends reaching out to her and her realizing this is as far as she can go, pushing too far was wrong. Accepting the possibility of Falin's death being permanent, accepting death in general. The lingering changes pointing out ways they didn't and couldn't achieve everything they wanted, like Falin's legs, Laios's inability to get close to monsters, Marcille's loss of the desire to do her hair. I never said it was your fault I only wanted to blame someone I never said it was your fault I only wanted to blame someone The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide

And the final refrain is more of that acceptance. Marcille didn't precisely want to place 'blame' but she wanted to see it as a problem that she could fix, rather than accepting life and death (which = the moon's wax and wane and the turn of the tide).

#music #dungeon meshi #marcille donato #this song is stuck in my head so bad i love it. and i cannot stop thinking of marcille every time now #not at first but the more i listened the more i was linking it to her #i gotta blab about it to get it out of just my head

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mmikmmik2 · 3 years

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The memories in Amelia's tape are warm, vibrant, and full of life. She and Alrick loved to do "fun bonding activities". They tried new things and explored new hobbies, they played with high-tech toys, they rode duck boats or bikes. They ate sweets and wore nice clothes and decorated their home with rugs and houseplants and little trinkets.

Amelia's life as conductor is austere and solely functional. This miserable, pathetic, barren workshop was her home for three decades, and as far as we know her only interesting or challenging or novel activities were building new cars or going on outings to support the steward, ripping up people's entire worlds to steal materials for her new cars.

Putting on a colorful shirt or adding a houseplant next to her bed or taking a walk in a nice restful nature-themed car wouldn't cure her depression or end her grief for her husband. Obviously! The idea is ridiculous.

But having absolutely nothing that makes her life comfortable or fun or pleasurable, and having no goals or engaging activities other than staying alive and hurting other people in pursuit of Alrick 2, for thirty-three straight years, would make it nigh-impossible for her to stop being depressed and grieving.

When we see her in season three, Amelia is still living spartan. Other than possible emotional implications of going back to the jumpsuit and still hanging on to Alrick's voice changer (which may have practical uses, though I'm inclined to think not, given that we see her give the steward somewhat complex orders nonverbally), her loadout and behavior are completely practical and goal-oriented.

I lose it every time I think about those stupid eggs in book three. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it, maybe she scrounged up some giant snake eggs in that one car and was actually having fresh food. But the way she talked about "how many eggs" like she meant regular chicken eggs, and her making them for two breakfasts in a row, makes me think that it really is that a huge portion of her provisions are just comical quantities of powdered eggs. I mean, I know options are limited when you're packing for a long-term expedition like that and you can only carry so much weight, but it's so sad. She doesn't even like them, she says she's bad at cooking them!

Amelia was, and still is, choosing to live in terrible deprivation. I do think Amelia is very unhappy with herself and doesn't think of herself as truly redeemable, but I don't see this as deliberate self harm. "Don't you get it? I don't want a life without Alrick!" She can't move beyond her grief and misery, so she doesn't try to enjoy anything or create a new life rather than trying to rebuild her old one, so she can't move beyond her grief and misery. It's a vicious cycle she's actively perpetuating.

Extrapolating from this argument, I think even if Amelia is still dragging her heels and putting in the bare minimum after book three, she'll start to feel better and move on from Alrick whether she likes it or not. The things she's doing are making her talk to other people, and work on actual relationships like with Hazel and One-One even if she doesn't think of herself as having personal relationships with them, and focus on the present or even the future instead of the past, and think about problems that have actual solutions and don't inherently require her to be selfish and violent to make progress. Amelia no longer has the option to restrict her whole life to wallowing in grief. Big changes won't happen without her putting in hard work, but change is inevitable at this point.

#i think an animator posted hq versions of these somewhere but i couldn't find them so you get these blurry versions lol #wait i have the book one dvds. they might be on there. too late i already made this collage #i do personally interpret amelia as depressed or at least... how to put this...#having clinically significant symptoms of a mood disorder?#i feel like i shouldn't need to say this but like. The Discourse. so let me say on the record #mood disorders don't make you assault children lol. that's just amelia being amelia. she's got a lot to answer for.#infinity train #amelia hughes #alrick timmens

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picwew · 3 years

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SQUAD UP! It’s time for Yuna and his crew of miscreant demons!

(Picrews are here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here!)

The characters are, top to bottom, left to right--

Nakajima, Yuna: A human with unusually high magical potential. His specialty is the binding of demons into servitude, which he utilizes to stop particularly troublesome demons from threatening human populations across the globe. Most of the demons under his care were seduced by him, as he has quite a knack for making men want him. As such, several of his servants are vying for his favor, but, in his own words, “I don’t play favorites~”

Obviously, Yuna is a bit of a flirt. His tastes extend well beyond demons, into just about any non-human he can get his hands on. He has a ravenous appetite for handsome men, but no plans to settle down any time soon. It isn’t that romance doesn’t appeal to him, more that he’s still young and a little too free-spirited for anything permanent. The way he dotes on his servants, though, you’d certainly think he was in love with them, Nihil in particular.

Mourning Dove: Affectionately referred to by his coworkers as “Dovey”, this little fellow was the first of Yuna’s servants, and is therefore his most staunch defender. The details of his past are hazy, even in his own mind, but he was born into the slave trade, nameless, nothing, the psychological toll of which would not become apparent until his eventual escape. He was full of hatred for the humans who had callously treated him as property, and claimed many lives before Yuna was able to soothe his aching heart. “You’re pretty as a mourning dove,” Yuna told him. From that moment on, he decided that this would be his name.

Dovey is, above all, an empath. Much of his time recovering from a life of slavery was spent learning to feel again. Once he got the hang of it, however, he found that he felt a little too much, so much so that he’s become somewhat of a crybaby. When others are in pain, he is often the one to comfort them. His sweet disposition and cute appearance have earned him his coworkers’ love, although they still get a bit miffed with him whenever he tries to hog Yuna’s attention.

Dr. Callaway: An interesting case, and a tough nut to crack. Only Yuna knows his full name; no one knows his story. All he’s shared is that he was fingered for human experimentation, and that, no, he has neither learned his lesson nor wishes to. Still, he behaves himself well enough, perhaps because he is entirely obsessed with Yuna in the most unhealthy way. While most of his coworkers consider one another family, Dr. Callaway is detached and often mocking of their sentimentality.

As expected, Dr. Callaway is a terrible sadist. He takes great pleasure in hurting others in any way he can. Nowadays, this is limited almost entirely to insults and threats, but he has been known to get physical with others when Yuna isn’t looking. It doesn’t help that nothing seems to bother him in return. You could beat the man senseless, and he’d come out of it grinning like a jackal.

Corvo: This one was a misunderstanding--or, rather, a case of cultures clashing in a very gruesome manner. Corvo is a hybrid of demon and crowkin. Beastkin are not true demons, but are often lumped in with them, so mixed-race families are not uncommon. Unfortunately, this can lead to some problematic offspring, particularly when one or both of the parents are detached from human society. Corvo, like many crowkin, was taught that food is food, and that human meat is the most delicious of all. He bore no ill will toward humans, but his view of them as, essentially, cattle culminated in a visit from Yuna.

Following his binding, Corvo began the lengthy process of finding something he liked more than human flesh. This, as it turned out, was sweets--all sweets, from pastries, to ice cream, to candy. He had never had sweets before, and everyone agreed that they suited his bubbly, affectionate personality more than human flesh anyway. He is certainly the gentlest of all of Yuna’s servants, dedicated to his family and to protecting those in need. He’s especially fond of cats.

Erebus: Known by those who worship him as the Master of Crows, Erebus is an ill-understood being. He is ancient, but has had little to do with his own kind since time out of mind. Instead, he appears to have become so entwined with his worshipers that he can no longer live without their faith to sustain him. During the Northern Crusades, a great many of them were persecuted for their faith, and Erebus fell into a centuries-long slumber. Only when his followers began to grow in number again did he wake--and command those loyal to him to seek vengeance for their fallen brethren. Naturally, Yuna had a thing or two to say about that.

Erebus is highly asocial, but does not dislike his coworkers. It would be a stretch to say he views them as family; even so, he gets along well with them on the rare occasion Yuna can talk him out of his comfortable pocket of darkness. As the oldest of his colleagues, he is respected and even admired, but he cares little for the love of his own kind. He desires mortal love, which he receives through his worshipers. Due to their number still being relatively low, you’ll rarely catch him awake. Only Yuna seems able to rouse him, and only because Yuna is his “most cherished one”.

Mage: A troublemaker with a bark worse than his bite--but he can and will bite, so mind your fingers. Like Dr. Callaway, his true name is known only to Yuna. His coworkers know him as Mage, taken from Magenta, the name of the rather nasty chemical he produces to draw in his prey. He doesn’t harm them, but he has seduced many a married man away from his wife. Causing strife among couples is what he does best. As an incubus, he finds the taste of a married man’s energy too sweet to resist. So, of course, when he found himself seduced by Yuna, he was completely baffled--and absolutely obsessed. He still toys with married men now and then, when he gets the chance, but spends most of his time trying to talk Yuna back into bed.

Though rare, Mage can be persuaded to bust heads, and does so with the best of ‘em. He’s highly territorial, meaning that although he rather likes his colleagues, he often tangles up with them over Yuna’s affection. He is particularly hostile toward Nihil, who rather delights in teasing Mage with his closeness to their master. Outside of his romantic conflicts with his housemates, he tends to be rather lackadaisical, spending much of his free time lounging on every comfortable surface available. People find his presence enjoyable due to his easygoing disposition and passion for mischief.

Nihil: Of all the demons under Yuna’s employ, Nihil is the one who has come closest to winning his heart. Theirs is a strangely intimate relationship, one which Yuna insists is platonic--and yet, Nihil is at his side always, his obedient shadow. Of course, they weren’t always so close. Nihil is an inherently violent, cruel man whose sole purpose in life is to cause as much pain and grief as he possibly can. He is absolutely, positively insane, for no other reason than this is how he believes a demon should be. This is his aesthetic, and a demon’s aesthetic is absolute. He minds his P’s and Q’s now that he’s bound to Yuna, but never lets his “family” forget what he is, Yuna least of all.

Nihil loves no being, except, by his own admission, Yuna. He teases his master constantly, always pushing his limits, always pushing his buttons. “I am your loyal dog,” is a favorite line of his, spoken, with a pointed smile, whenever Yuna asks something of him. For some reason, it never fails to fluster Yuna, which allows Nihil to worm himself further into his darling’s heart. Unlike his colleagues, he is not afraid to get physical with Yuna, and many of their more heated arguments have ended in the bedroom. Whether Nihil actually enjoys servitude remains to be seen, but for Yuna, he would pull the moon from the sky.

Pox: The general consensus on Pox is “unfriendly, but not unbearable”. A life of self-isolation has made him difficult to approach, even more difficult to befriend, especially given that everyone he’s ever loved, he has killed. He is a demon of sickness, of plague and of rot, of suffering so old as to be carved into the bones of the earth. When he was young, he could not control the disease that spread from him. Though his mortal mother tried desperately to guide him, eventually, she was overcome, and Pox left the village he had once called home, now populated only by the dead and dying. He learned then that he could not live among his mother’s people, but he knew nothing of his father’s. Rather than seek them out and put them at risk as well, he exiled himself to the outskirts of human society, interacting with it only when necessary. With time, he came to understand his power, and was able to control it--but his peaceful life came to an end when one of the few humans he had allowed himself to love was killed in a botched robbery. Pox designated himself judge, jury, and executioner, and it wasn’t long before Yuna showed up on his doorstep.

Pox hides his self-loathing under a cold, hard outer shell. His mask is flawless, perfected through a lifetime of guilt, and he allows no one near enough to break it. His coworkers believe that they are despised by him, but in truth, he loves each of them with every inch of himself. Saying so is difficult, though, and such an admission would only encourage them to endanger themselves. He may be in complete control of his magic most days, but there are times even now when he catches himself slipping. He is desperate to protect Yuna and the strange family they have all built together, so much so that he would rather suffer in silence than risk their lives asking for help.

Seta Sericum: The peculiarity of his name has led to his coworkers calling him Silky, a moniker which he has accepted only begrudgingly. Silky is a Nephalem, the product of a love between angel and demon. Typically, his fathers’ love for one another would have ended in tragedy, but the two stayed together even after their angelic half was cast from divinity. Silky was raised in a happy home, albeit a mobile one; his fathers couldn’t risk staying in one place for too long, lest the Church track them down. Ultimately, it was the Church, their greatest fear, that was their end. They were cut down while protecting Silky, who was forced to flee in the vain hope that his absence might somehow save his fathers. The Church searched for him, but he had hidden himself well. Now an orphan, he swore vengeance on his parents’ murderers--and he got it too, once he was old enough to control his immense magical power. He despises the Church, but killed only those among its ranks who had directly harmed him. Regardless, Yuna came for him, and he submitted to servitude as recompense.

Silky’s demonic father was a real fop of a man, and his son is no different now that he’s had a chance to adjust to a normal life. He insists that everyone pull their own weight, that everything be in its place at all times, and has a fondness for indulgences such as expensive wine and imported chocolates. Without these little luxuries, he would surely have gone mad, for both his mischievous master and his trouble-making housemates frustrate him to no end. He has tried, with mixed success, to serve as a role model for them, but, oh, they are all such children. Dovey is far too naive, Dr. Callaway is far too sadistic, Corvo is far too oblivious, Mage is far too flirtatious, Nihil is far too violent, Pox is far too cold, and Vincent is far too reclusive. Erebus, at least, is well-behaved, though Silky thinks he could stand to mingle more with the group.

Vincent Blythe: On the forefront of medical progress during the Victorian Era, Dr. Vincent Blythe has become little more than a shell of his former self. When his prostitute mother was murdered by one of her stags, something snapped in him. He began targeting, torturing, and finally killing any man who frequented brothels or whom he had seen with street-walkers, believing himself to be the protector of his mother’s people. It was only then when he realized he was something more than human. His father, it turned out, had been a demon who had fallen terribly in love with his mother, but whose feelings had been spurned by her. After receiving a near-fatal wound in a skirmish with a prominent vampire hunter of the day, Vincent tucked himself away in a dark corner of London to heal. He slept for over a century, and when he woke, attempted to pick up where he’d left off. Confused, his trauma still fresh in his mind, he killed all who drew near. Phone calls were made, flights were booked, and Yuna arrived on scene to bring him back to his senses.

Vincent is terribly withdrawn. On the one hand, he is distrustful of all humans, and men in particular frighten him. On the other hand, he has had little to no experience with his own kind, and so struggles to fit in among them. He finds himself at an impasse, unable to shake the trauma of his mother’s murder, and equally unable to bond with his father’s kin. Because of this, he is prone to bouts of violent madness when he feels that he is being threatened, or when he wakes from particularly vivid nightmares, in which he witnesses his mother’s murder and can do nothing to stop it. Dr. Callaway has oft remarked that Vincent is a genius, a true medical prodigy, and that it is too bad he’s so “broken”.

#picrew #male ocs #demon ocs

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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What kills me in fics is when you have tags going like "Good brother Jason", which, cool, but in the same story there's " Dick TRIES to be a Good Brother" LOL way to switch the dynamics. I also tend to stay clear of the ones where the centric character seems to have a platonic relationship tag with everyone (including the ones where they're antagonists in canon like Jason & Tim) except Dick. You can feel the hate/dislike/prejudice a MILE away.

Yeeeeeeah. You are definitely not alone. Like pretty much every Dick Grayson stan I’ve ever talked to on the subject stays the hell away from any fic tagged “Dick Grayson tries to be a good brother.”

LOL like....it’s basically what I was talking about in that older post I just reblogged a few minutes ago. That thing where Dick’s actions or choices in a canon story or fic aren’t judged on their own merits but are rather inherently weighed against some hypothetical perfect choice that he DIDNT make and so he’s basically evaluated based on how much he falls short of that mark each time instead of anything he actually did.

Sorry not sorry, but I’m just not interested in stories that TRANSFORM the character most commonly referred to as the emotional glue of the family and the only one who consistently even CARES about them all being a family....into the fumbling incompetent relationship disaster man who at best gets credit for at least putting in an attempt at being there for his family.

Especially not when Bruce and Jason and Tim are praised for doing the bare minimum in canon when it comes to family interactions while everything Dick ACTUALLY did is just completely ignored and overwritten in order to make his Failure to People Good the narrative obstacle to be overcome.

Now, the “Dick Grayson Tries To Be A Good Brother” tag applied to Tim-centric fics in particular tho....hoo boy I am out of there so fast there’s a Kool-Aid Man shaped hole in the wall and not a sign of me as far as the horizon.

Like, currently my Pet Peeve Thermostat is set to Battle for the Cowl-referencing fics that don’t use this tag but very much are in that spirit. You probably know the ones, like their summaries suggest they’re open to considering Dick’s side of the situation but turns out the author at most is throwing him a “well at least you tried not to suck” bone while still reading him the riot act for very much still sucking.

Because what drives me up a flipping WALL here in particular, when I naively click on a link that seems different from the usual and ignore the voice of experience because I’m just desperate enough for Tim and Dick food that doesn’t just go on and on about how Dick ruined their brotherhood and it will never be truly repaired....

What makes the fruit bats in my belfry go absolutely B-A-N-A-N-A-S is not just the super fun realization that Psych! You thought this fic might be different but it’s actually the same!

Nah.

It’s how much people, both writers AND commenters, just absolutely LOVE to reference Tim’s shitbag parents and how emotionally abusive and neglectful they were (all true and valid, btw, let’s be totally clear about that)....but bringing them up here specifically to emphasize just how great Dick’s ‘betrayal’ was and how what he did makes him no better than them.

It’s like. Oh. I see.

So because after twenty years worth of stories about Dick dropping everything the second Tim needs him, whether it’s for help or just advice or even just reassurance or comfort or ANYTHING ....because after two decades worth of content showing Dick absolutely doting on Tim in their EVERY SINGLE interaction and buttressing his self confidence at every opportunity, never passing up a chance to call him his brother and emphasize that they’re family and he loves Tim and is so proud of him...

Because after all that there’s a story whose very premise forced Dick to choose between two kids, both still very much his brothers and their shared father’s sons even if one was new to him and didn’t have the same history the other two had....

Because by the very nature of the story Dick had no choice but to prioritize one over the other due to them both hating each other and Dick already being stretched to his absolute limits trying to live his dead father’s life and take on everything Bruce used to do at the cost of giving up everything Dick had chosen for his own life and wants and priorities, all while dealing with his own grief....

And with it being inevitable that the boy he DIDNT choose to prioritize was going to be hurt....

Because after twenty years of never failing to put Tim first the second Tim needed him, never even putting HIMSELF first OVER Tim....because for the first time Dick felt that someone else he felt obligated to, felt a responsibility towards, actually needed him MORE than Tim....

And for that reason and that reason ONLY, Dick picked that other boy, all while trying his best to tell Tim that he still needed him, still valued him, all the things that Bruce DIDNT tell him when he took Robin not even because he thought someone else needed it at the time but simply to take away, with absolutely nothing Dick said in any way negating or contradicting any of his many, MANY assurances to Tim over the years that they were brothers and always would be and with them still very much legally brothers and with concrete ties to each other that declared them family even WITHOUT the connection of Robin....

Because after and despite ALL OF THAT, Dick picked the brother that he didn’t know and frankly didn’t even LIKE, because he knew no one else was going to pick this kid and he also knew he’d already picked Tim a hundred times before and hoped that at least all that HISTORY of past focus and attention he’d given Tim to help build him up, give him foundations to build further upon, that hopefully at least that history that was still there, still relevant, still something Tim had actively benefited and grown from in ways Dick now hoped to help Damian....like surely this would be of at least SOME significance to Tim, SOME kind of proof of how much Dick loved and valued Tim....

Because one time and one time ONLY, Dick DIDNT put Tim’s needs first, not because he didn’t want to or because he was being selfish or short sighted or simply didn’t care, but rather solely because this one time Tim’s needs were in direct opposition with the needs of another young boy Dick saw as his responsibility and in even greater need and with even less of a foundation than the one Dick had helped Tim build....

This puts Dick on the same level as Tim’s shitbag parents, the ones who are infamous for (and practically synonymous with) emotional abuse and neglect. Dick’s basically interchangeable with them now. Certainly no better than them. Tim’s entire emotional well-being rested on Dick and Dick alone and nothing he’d provided Tim with in the past counts, just this one moment in time right here right now, that’s the entirety of their relationship see, it all comes down to this and nothing else, and because Dick didn’t put Tim first, no matter WHAT his reasons or how much he wanted to, he has officially failed Tim as hard as the neglectful parents who did nothing BUT neglect, ignore and just not give a shit at all, simply because they couldn’t be bothered to.

Yeah.

That’s neat.

#and please before certain people get all up in their righteous umbrage and declare a blood feud against me for this #take note of how nowhere did I say Tim doesn’t have the right and reason to be hurt #because of course he does #you will never see me claiming otherwise #but just because someone was hurt that doesn’t mean that someone did it to hurt them #and that is the distinction so many fans don’t seem to care to make #I’ve literally seen people call Dick emotionally abusive and neglectful for this era of canon and holy shit people #in terms of abuse specifically you absolutely can be abusive without meaning to #hell this is basically the nature of neglect. they’re not TRYING to hurt a child because the entire problem is the child #doesn’t even rate as much of a presence in their awareness as they should #but people can yell it’s just their interpretation all they want about this era of canon #but it’s flat out not true. it’s their transformation of the material not an interpretation of it #because you literally have to CHANGE what Dick ACTUALLY says to Tim to paint him as neglectful or not caring about his emotional well-being #you have to CUT OUT all mention of the times Dick tried reaching out to Tim or checking up on him in order to paint Dick as simply moving #on with his shiny newer little brother #that’s not a difference of interpretation. that’s an act of transformation. changing details of a story that isn’t reading the way you want #it to....until it DOES say what you want it to #and the problem has NEVER been some of us just being unwilling to let people have their headcanons #the problem is people’s refusal to call them headcanons or AUs or anything that acknowledges they’ve transformed the source material #in order to CREATE the interpretation they’re going with #AND OTHER FANS HAVE EVERY RIGHT IN THE WORLD TO SAY YEAH WE’RE NOT TRYING TO TALK ABOUT YOUR TRANSFORMATION OF CANON THO #we’re literally trying to talk about what you transformed it FROM....and the fact that despite all your complaints about canon character #choices....some of you repeatedly make the CHOICE to change canon not just to fix or address the poor character choices you don’t like for #your faves.....but also at the same time making this other character do the very stuff you claim to hate canon having your faves do #and that is your CHOICE. AND YOU GET TO MAKE IT. BUT IT IS STILL A CHOICE TO MAKE CHANGES #NOT simply a different interpretation of the foundational material #like you guys keep trying to pass it off as #and that MATTERS #it matters quite a lot in fact

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sokkagatekeeper · 3 years

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[parallel originally pointed out here]

it goes back to book one the way aang, katara, and zuko are set up to be the main thematic triad of the show, all three of them sharing the qualities of being idealists at heart, generally guided by a strict moral code they impose upon themselves, impulsively heroic at times to the point of naivety, and the belief that they have a great destiny to fulfill, for better or for worse. all of them have a certain legacy, a certain chosen one-ness to them, whether they are aware of the fact the entire time — aang as the avatar and the last airbender; katara as the last southern waterbender — or they have an idea, but aren't aware of the full picture until later on — zuko's legacy from both sozin and roku.

a triad is, of course, not made out of the dynamic of three characters together, but rather the individual pairs, then the function them three manage to balance out. in other words, it does not work like a/b/c but rather a&b / a&c / b&c. aang and zuko share, among many others, the weight of a crucial mistake they made in the past and are desperately trying to fix — mistake that, eventually, leads them to fully become the person they were meant to be; the meaning of identity as what you choose to be every day. zuko and katara share the most intense part of the triad — the rage and grief and anger, as well as the faith, hope, willingness and passion that comes with being a hero; they are the emotional fuel, the drive. aang and katara share the most intimate part of the story; of being a child, and a victim, and standing up despite and maybe because of this — both child survivors of genocide, finding solace in each other as each other's first and best friend, and as a grounding prescence in the midset of the cruel reality of war. when all three different dynamics are combined, you finally get the thematic triad — the three characters that embody the themes and values the show intends to portray and represent. the three of them are indoubtedly the heart of the show, and this is made clear throughout the entire first season. katara as the narrator of the story, aang as the protagonist, zuko as the deuteragonist (as well as antagonist, but in terms of primary titles the deuteragonist always comes first.) they are the most important characters, the basis for every other character that comes after, etc etc.

then there's sokka.

i like to think of sokka as the fourth part of the thematic triangle. he is not essential in the way aang, katara, and zuko are in theory, but he is still immediately established as a main character throughout the first book and accordingly developed in later books 2 and 3. and it works wonders, because while sokka's designated role of the comedic relief character would generally be considered enough to make him a main character, sokka is everything aang, katara, and zuko are not. i'd go as far as to say his entire character is contructed this way.

where aang and katara and zuko are idealists at heart, sokka's pessimism/skepticism is able to protect them from a possible threat their story-structured minds might have not been able to predict, for it might not fit the narrative they construct as it fits the reality of disaster that sokka is very much aware of — which is not to say that aang, katara, and zuko do not know the harsh realities of war, two of them being genocide victims and one of them being pretty much a war veteran, but merely to point out that they believe that somehow, everything will turn out exactly as it has to be above all, while sokka... doesn't, and he approaches every situation as such.

where aang, katara, and zuko are all some sort of chosen one and often act and think according to it, sokka does not have a great destiny to fulfill nor he believes in destiny as a concept. sokka is — self-admittedly — just some guy. the avatar's friend, the last southern waterbender's brother, the son of the chief, etc etc. his strength comes from his unique way of approaching things, his creativity and intelligence and most of all his identity as fundamentally, no one. sokka grew up to believe he was disposable in comparison and he actively worked — possibly even unconsciously — to be important, to be valuable, to be necessary. he was not born great, but achieved greatness, as one might say. the weight of being no one and having to work to become somebody contrasts beautifully with aang's and katara's and zuko's and even toph's inherent specialness, especially mixing up with aang's and zuko's concept of becoming who you are meant to be because of your choices.

where aang and zuko value human life above all else, and katara will never turn her back on people who need her, sokka is never afraid to get a little dirty when he wants things to go his way, or when there's simply more important things for him to worry about. sokka has what i like to call the practical murder syndrome, not necessarily as murder — though he does quite a lot of those and is willing to let zuko, ultimate deuteragonist extraordinarie, die in a blizzard, simply because it's convenient for them at the moment — but also as the way he's not willing to go out of his way to help every wretched village they come into contact with (see: the painted lady). sokka has his moral code, surely, and he has his limits, but while aang's morals, katara's morals, zuko's morals persist through war, pain, and punishment, sokka's morals are shaped by these concepts. this brings a certain balance to the text, to the group dynamic of the gaang, to the main cast in general, and it helps broadening the audience's perception and objectiveness as well. (see: katara is the narrator, and we mostly perceive the first part of the show and most of her relationship with sokka solely through her lens, but in reality sokka was more right than wrong, and that doesn't mean katara was wrong, either. once you watch the show twice, thrice, and you begin watching it objectively, sokka's motivations and general characterization becomes clearer, and makes more sense, despite opposing katara's point of view in so many ways.)

finally, where aang and katara and zuko are impulsively heroic, sokka is a chronic planner and organizer — while katara and aang are focused on fighting the firelord as an idea, sokka worries about how they will fight the firelord, and plans an entire invasion to give aang the window of opportunity to strike the final blow. while aang wants to fight off the fire nation as his duty as the avatar asks of him, sokka knows he's in no condition to fight, and in any case, there's still no need for him to waste his energies in a fight just yet. while katara wants to help people and fight for what's right, sokka needs to remain focused on the big picture, and when this doesn't do anything for katara's heroic nature, sokka offers an elaborate plan to make katara's bringing-of-justice as doable and safe as possible, for everyone involved. while zuko wants to defend his people against the injustices he knows he could have committed in another time, as his first instinct is always help them out, it's always this isn't fair, they deserve better than this, exactly the way he did it when he spoke against the massacre of the 41st division, sokka has to physically restrain him from making the same mistake zuko made at thirteen. because it's not that sokka cares less, but he knows when to care, and the way to do so as safe as possible — sokka is always planning things ahead, one might even say he overthinks, because albeit with a good reason, sokka is, at heart, kind of a coward. he's always tiptoeing between logic and reason, and outright paranoia. he is right to be a coward most of the time, because he knows bravery is a privilege, bravery comes with a price. he is right to be a coward because aang, katara, and zuko are not, and they are right, too.

sokka manages to perfectly balance the thematic triad of the show and its individual double dynamics possibly accidentally and on his own, giving the show its own taste of sokka's arc of broadening perspectives about the world and the people in it. the same way sokka is able to offer the logic and reason heroism often lacks when needed, aang and katara and zuko's idealism and heroism affects sokka in its own way, helping him to let go of this self-critical overthinker who often commits self-sabotage, to become some sort of unconventional hero himself — achieving this balance, undoubtedly makes sokka the fourth part of the thematic triangle.

#iv #i've has this concept in my mind for so long #literally years. sokka was just Something Else you know #sokka #sokka&thegaang #aang&sokka #sokka&katara #sokka&zuko #i am NOT biased enough to tag this beautiful analysis of mine in a shippy way but. just know that i could. i could!!!#atla #n #aang&katara&zuko #< i KNOWW i said aang katara sokka was my favorite triad but i was lying to myself. i was lying!!!#so i'm finding an excuse to use this tag and the excuse is [checks notes] the entire analysis i just made about them. i just keep winning #Yes sokka is my favorite character Yes i would love to hear hours and hours of the interactions between a triad that does not involve him!!#in my defense it was meant this way!!! i am simply. not doing the death of the author today #analysis #01 #long post

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bluecoloreddreams · 4 years

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(Disclaimer: this contains spoilers for the Fruits Basket and Fruits Basket: Another manga, as well as taking into consideration tidbits from Takaya’s twitter.)

So, okay, first of all we have to address the YMMV aspect: Some people don’t like this ship. As long as they’re respectful, I have no beef with that. I’m well aware that some people cannot/choose not to make the distinction between “real life” and “fiction”— I have the luxury of this choice, so some of the “problematic” ships/character aspects within Furuba don’t bother me (for the most part). It’s fiction, and I’m aware of this.

Again, some people cannot/do not make this distinction, and that’s none of my business because that’s their personal life. I’m aware that people dislike aspects of Akigure, and that’s fine.

Personally? I’ve been reading Furuba since like, basically the dawn of time. I was reading scans on, like, MSN groups. I remember a friend at church (of all places) telling me about the Akito reveal because I was behind on updates. It’s literally engrained upon my shipping heart at this point.

(Headcanons ahoy! Like literally, this is all headcanon/my perspective on the series as a whole. YMMV/YKINMK/Dead Dove, the whole works, if you know you know

YES I wrote it like it’s an actual research paper because I have No Chill At All, please forgive me. It’s long and pretty rambling.)

Addressing the first elephant in the room: Given my limited interactions with the fandom, my impression of Akigure from a generalized fan POV is that it’s pretty divisive. Every episode she comes up there are “I hate this kid” comments and I cry

Akito is a favorite of mine, and it’s impossible for anime-only’s to make a deep, informed call on her character. On the other hand, a lot of manga-readers dislike her too.

So, why am I talking about whether or not people like Akito as a character?

I’m of the opinion that it impacts people’s ability to view her character arc as one that deserves a happy ending. That she doesn’t deserve to have love, happiness, or forgiveness, all of which are given to her when she and Shigure finally end up together on equal footing. (Do I think the way it’s rushed in the original Furuba ending? Yeah, but hey. Sensei had like a huge ensemble cast to wrap ends on. Now there’s Furubana to look to and it’s just chef’s kiss.)

There’s a mental aspect in this, involving the dichotomy between “reality” and “fiction”.

There is absolutely zero argument that are a lot of things that Akito does that uh, listen, if it was IRL she’d be in jail! Jail for terror baby! Jail for life!

Fortunately, Fruits Basket is a work of fiction. These characters aren’t real, they’re idealized brushstrokes of human nature created to move a plot and a message along.

That’s why Akito and Shigure work as a couple and as characters:

They’re both incredibly deep characters that get passed off as one-dimensional by a lot of people (and the original anime, woof). Some of it is again, because anime-only fans just don’t have the whole story, since Akito’s arc is one that builds gradually until it hits a point where all hell breaks loose, which we are a ways away from.

So what’s the message that their relationship and characters are supposed to pass on?

Well, it breaks down into two categories: world building and thematic arcs. The latter is more important and what I’ll be focusing on, while the former is just a little spice that I, personally enjoy, and won’t really talk about in depth. (It’s that the magical realism in Furuba sets up the idea of soulmates, it’s just…. Something I enjoy and it’s really heacanony, so I can’t really justify spending more words on it!)

When discussing Fruits Baskets in any capacity, I feel like we must first keep in mind the thematic “lessons” of the series:

There is an inherent loneliness in living as a human being, since loss, grief, and hurt are indelible parts of the human experience, and learning to cope with these feelings in a compassionate manner is a life-long lesson

People react differently to the loneliness of existence, and their reactions are based upon their personalities, their upbringings, and their own choices

Everyone is capable of change and learning, if they choose to do so, however:

Personal agency is taught, but in the vacuum of positive reinforcement, the ability of a person to choose to be compassionate is stifled or outright inaccessible

Therefore, if you are not taught to deal with your grief and existence outside of others, your ability to connect may become warped, manipulative, or abusive, and this is not the fault of the child but instead the parental figure

Eventually, you will be aware of your actions, and then it is your burden to choose—some people do not take this choice (the head maid, Ren, Kyo’s bio dad, Rin’s parents, Sawa’s mother in Furubana)

Abuse has long lasting effects on the psyche and can be physical, emotional, and/or mental in nature and must be dealt with in order to grow as a person

“Dealt with” does not mean that it goes away, but that it is acknowledged and given a positive outlet (Yuki’s garden, Aaya’s shop, Rin’s art, Momiji’s violin playing)

Forgiveness is not linear

Forgiving yourself is a long and arduous process, and happens independent of other people’s forgiveness

This is really brought to the forefront in Fruits Basket: Another, when Shiki talks about how his mother interacts with the rest of the Sohma family. It’s shown she’s done what she can to make amends, but recognizes that while she can individually hold relationships with certain family members, as a whole, it's best if she allows them to be away from her.

This is a whole tangent on its own, but there’s a certain blanket of casual forgiveness given to Akito by the entirety of the shown Zodiac in Furubana, in that they trust that she’s raised a kind and thoughtful son and allow him the grace of his own family.

Again, in Takaya’s tweets post-series that acknowledges that Akito’s friends with Uo-chan, despite her relationship with Kureno (and it shows a depth of awareness on Kureno’s part that he stays away

People flourish in environments where love and positive reinforcement is given freely, even when people are in the wrong

This doesn’t mean that no one is ever scolded: see Komaki and Kakeru, Kisa and Hiro, Hatori chews out Shigure all the time, but never ceases being his confidant

So okay, that’s A Lot. But every single character in Furuba follows these themes in their own manner, because the series is about healing and learning how to heal from abuse, neglect, and isolation. Someone’s gonna have to be doing it. Point blank, the end, to tell a story there must be conflict, and boy howdy, there’s a lot of conflict in Furuba. Every personal thematic arc in the series ends up tying into a romantic one, because Furuba is a romcom drama.

There’s a loop that goes “personal betterment”->”crush”/”friendship”->”conflict”->”personal growth”/”relationship growth” in the series for every character. That’s the bread and butter of Furuba.

But anyway. To the question:

I love them because they work, they’re both their own people with their own narrative focuses, motivations, conflicts, and flaws. Both Shigure and Akito are believable in their own right in the context of Furuba, and I think Takaya did wonderfully in crafting a story where their personalities mesh well and give each other reasons to better themselves.

To talk about them together, you have to talk about them separately.

I’m gonna start with Shigure because, truthfully?

I just want to lament about how often he’s simply passed off as either comic relief or absolute trash. He’s so underestimated!

“He’s a joke of a grown man… He is reliable and I trust him.” (Another, v. 3)

He’s incredibly intelligent when it comes to interpersonal relationships, which is why he’s able to do what he does. He’s also incredibly kind—no one made him take in Yuki or Kyo or Tohru. He could have just went “ah, I’d prefer not to” and moved on. But he didn’t, made up some bullshit so Haru would feel like taking in Yuki was a transaction, and let me just tell you, I am the same age as Shigure and if you gave ME three teenagers to be the guardian of?! It would be a full on disaster.

He’s actually incredibly trustworthy (if he wants to be), insightful, and a genuinely good guardian despite his jokes and wisecracking.

He forced Kyo to go back to school, knowing full well it would be good for him. He lets a whole host of children run rampant through his home. Kids who actually enjoy his presence. He’s shown as having a good familial relationship with Rin (who tries to warp that for her own means), Kisa, Haru, and Momiji. His advice to Tohru is genuine, insightful, and ridiculously helpful.

Shigure is good with people. He gets up at the crack of dawn to drive Shiki to see Sawa in Furubana. He’s who Mutsuki and Hajime immediately go “holy shit you need to do something about this” to when they find out Shiki’s getting nasty notes about Akito. He’s who Shiki goes to when Sawa fell down the stairs as a child. As much as Shiki and the others make fun of Shigure, he’s obviously someone who’s trustworthy. And that’s not some new development, he’s always been trustworthy in regards to those he loves. No one asked him to show up to Tohru’s teacher conference, he volunteered. Like this dude loves people, he’s the dog spirit after all, and rightly so.

Does he have his own motivations? Of course! But so does everyone else in Furuba. He’s a complex character, man!

He laughs and jokes a lot because he’s projecting this image of a laid back, doofus. When you think about who he’s friends with, the whole middling goofball act makes a lot of sense. Just like some of Ayame’s over the top behavior is a defense mechanism, I believe that Shigure casts himself as a generally unappealing man to keep himself safe from advances when he was in school, but also to temper the wildly unequal personalities of his other two friends. He’s the sort of person who would just go “eh, whatever makes it easy”, and that’s just how he is.

He doesn’t mean the creepy school girl thing, it’s a bit and I think the only people who don’t realize he’s running a bit are Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru who are absolutely too stupid to realize he’s playing them for reactions. He thinks it’s funny.

Anyway:

When the older Zodiac had the dream of Shigure, Shigure is the only one who made the active choice to seek out that feeling. His soul was touched, and he decided that he wanted that and only that. This doesn’t necessarily mean he went full Jacob from Breaking Dawn, but it does mean he acknowledged there was a bond, and he wanted it.

When you get into the technicalities of the curse, it’s mentioned that their Zodiac spirits influence how they interact with Akito, and that going against her can cause physical and emotional pain. Yuki cries when meeting her, and it’s mentioned that that’s just the normal reaction for the Zodiacs.

It’s hard to say how much of their early interactions are influenced by the curse, but it’s obvious that Shigure has genuine fondness for her. She wasn’t always absolutely broken, as shown in Yuki’s backstory, and was a precocious child, one who sought affection openly.

Shigure has an indulgent personality, and is shown to love being adored. Guess who loves him! Akito! Guess who wants lots and lots of affection! Akito!

Their personalities are very well matched as they get older: They’re both intelligent and coy. They both have fairly sharp tongues when needed, and have no qualms about doing whatever it takes to get what they want.

Shigure wants Akito to be independent from the curse. He’s made it clear to her he doesn’t want to be her father, he doesn’t want to be her friend, he wants to be her lover. Those are boundaries that Akito’s never been given before, and his frankness with her and his jealousy with Kureno is something she agonizes over, simply because she’s never been given any sort of serious interpersonal boundaries, or repercussions for her actions. He’s always kept himself separate from her, because of those boundaries, even when they were children.

That’s important. It opens the door to the idea that her actions have consequences, and is a persistent nagging in the back of her mind.

“Even though you hadn’t realized it, I was waiting for that day.” (ch 101)

For the bulk of the series, the only person who sees Akito as a person separate from the curse, and sees a future where she can grow is Akito. He has an extraordinary amount of patience for her, and forgives her for a lot.

There are only two incidents that Shigure cannot forgive: Her sleeping with Kureno, and at the very end of the series, I’m of the full opinion that if Akito had pushed Tohru off the cliff, Shigure would have been done with her. Look at that expression, that is the look of someone who is toeing the line of throwing away all his hopes and dreams. If she really had pushed Tohru, I just...... The series would have taken a much darker tone.

OKAY that’s enough about our favorite terrible author! (Okay, an aside, Shigure, please share your work ethic, you goof off so much but you’ve published so many things…how…)

ONTO AKITO!

“I’ve finally realized… she hated her own shallowness all this time, from the very start.” // “It’s frightening because you have no choices.” (ch 121)

A lot of people dislike Akito because she, for the bulk of the manga, is violent, manipulative and just downright unpleasant. And that’s fine, but it’s not the point of her arc or the themes of the manga. (It is, however, the point of Rin’s: you don’t have to forgive everyone.)

She’s not the only violent person in the series. If we as readers can forgive Uo-chan and Kyoko, or even Hana-chan for her moment of violence, why can we not extend the same grace to Akito?

Violence is often shown as a knee-jerk reaction to fear and sadness: Kyoko, Uo, Hana, Kyo, Rin, and Akito all react violently to negative situations and feelings. Even Kisa reacts violently when she’s at her worst, biting both Haru and Tohru when she’s in her tiger form, which is shown to actually cause pain like a real tiger would. (It’s played for laughs, but has anyone been bitten for realsies by a house cat? That hurts! How much more would a house-cat sized tiger hurt!!!)

Out of all of them, Hanajima and Kisa are the only characters to show immediate remorse, because they have what the others don’t: A positive support system. Once positive role models and support systems are in place, all of the others begin to learn how to react differently and ease out of the knee-jerk reactions that were ingrained in them.

It’s made explicit in the manga that you have to be taught how to react positively, you have to learn and choose to be good, to be friendly, to love yourself outside of others’ perceptions of yourself. Look at Yuki’s arc. Look at Uo-chan’s. Kyoko’s.

Yuki sums it up nicely in the last chapter of the manga, where he tells Tohru that she taught the Zodiac how to become human. She allows them to grow into people who can make the choice to be loving, compassionate individuals.

Just because Akito doesn’t interact positively with Tohru for the bulk of the manga, it doesn’t make it any less true:

Akito is kept in a juvenile state of being: No one teaches her to suck it up, that the world exists outside of herself, that other people are people and not things. In fact, she’s actively encouraged to act the way she does. She’s incredibly broken, between the maids of the Sohma estate just… allowing her to do whatever the fuck she wants and her absolutely jacked up relationship with Ren and Akira. She has no moral compass at all. No one bothers to teach her that her actions have serious consequences.

She knows, in a roundabout way that hey, these people don’t like me. There’s a serious mental dissonance between what she latently knows—these are all people with no connection to her other than the bond of the curse. This is why Tohru is able to break through to her at the climax of the manga:

She knows she’s wrong, but no one has ever told her she’s wrong but understood why she’s doing it. Akito just didn’t have the words to explain herself. What do children do when they cannot communicate? They lash out. Kids will bite, scratch, yell, kick, fall to the floor and have screaming tantrums out of frustration. Eventually, most kids learn that there are other ways to express frustration, and move along. (Not all, though, but most.)

Akito was taught that this is acceptable, allowable, and is her right as god. She is actively broken and kept that way through the neglect of the Sohma family maids, Ren’s abuse, and how Akira framed her role in the Zodiac.

I can go on and on and on and on why the way Akito was treated for her role in the Zodiac by her parents and the rest of the Sohma estate was just awful. I hate it, it’s terrible, she never had a chance to learn and grow and be the genuinely thoughtful woman we know she grows into.

She doesn’t force her path of forgiveness onto others and is fully cognizant of what she did, the repercussions of her actions, and lives her entire life after the curse breaks trying to right what she did wrong.

“Even if she gets hurt, she says she deserves it. She tells me not to let it bother me, but… I’ve always, always loved her so much.” (Another, ch. 13)

Tohru opens the door for Akito. She extends her hand, offers her friendship despite having seen the absolute worst of Akito. She tells Akito that everyone is lonely, everyone wants bonds, and acknowledges Akito’s worst fears, that Akito herself is selfish and dirty for wanting something assured and unending because she, Tohru, herself is dirty and selfish. Tohru knows what Akito has done, knows she’s injured some of her beloved friends, had plans to lock up Kyo, hurt Hatori.

Tohru still forgives her. One of Tohru’s striking traits in the manga is that she is suffering, every day, she struggles with the grief of losing her mother and the fear of being alone in the world. Through nothing but her own empathy and realization that loneliness is universal, she’s able to forgive people. She forgives Akito and cares for her, and through Tohru, Akito is introduced to the realization that she’s been wrong and that maybe, she shouldn’t be forgiven.

Shigure also forgives her, and this is the crux of their ship.

To me, that itself is wildly important.

They’ve always circled around each other, and Shigure has always been waiting for Akito to be able to come to him again, in full control of her life and choices. He wants Akito the woman, not Akito the god.

He’s been waiting for the day Akito can meet him as an equal. Akito wants it too, and has wanted him to turn and see her for a very very long time. But she’s been terrified, the entire time, that when he does see her as herself, Shigure won’t like what he sees, and will leave. She’s aware of what she’s done post-curse, she’s aware of the impacts it will have on the former Zodiac members, and she’s aware that once the “bonds” of god and the animals is gone, there may not be anyone left for her.

Neither of them are under any illusions at the end of the series: Akito knows she has to atone for what she did, Shigure knows she has to learn to grow into a person who can function alone. They both know that there are people who are against them changing the oppressive structure of the Sohma family.

Neither of them care. There are things that they want, together, and it’s enough. There’s a whole new world for them to explore and learn about. And in Furubana, this is shown to be a lifelong effort on their parts:

“She said after meeting me, she learned so many things for the first time. She smiled happily as she said it.” (Another, #13)

To close, I’d like to take a moment to talk about the curse and Shigure, and how he set things in motion.

Without Shigure, the curse would have devolved on its own, yes, but the circumstances would not have allowed for the freedom the Zodiac had at the end of the manga. It would not have ended with Akito being able to learn and live freely. Allowing Tohru into the Sohma family cracked open a door to compassion and kindness none of them had ever experienced before, because the Sohma family seems to exist in a vacuum of stability and love.

It wasn’t that Shigure knew instantly that Tohru was kind and loving and thoughtful, if anything, his read on her was “completely normal, albeit strange, teenage girl who obviously has a rough life”. But she was normal, she was from outside the Sohmas, and he knew that was enough. No one in the family was stepping up to change the status quo and how stifling and abusive it was, so he did it himself.

He did it because he loved Akito.

Not because he felt bad for himself, or Hatori, or any of the others, but merely because he loved her to the point of manipulation. It backfired in his face, because he got a big ol’ dose of “loving and respecting” juice from Tohru, but he still got the end he wanted.

What I mean to say is best summarized in chapter 123:

“It would be nice to live in a kind world, without any troubles, without any fear, without hurting anybody, without ever being hurt, only doing the right thing. I wish I could reach this kind world by the shortest path possible. … “That’s wrong”, or “that’s stupid”: If it’s someone else’s life it’s so easy to make such irresponsible comments. ...It would be great, but it doesn’t exist. … Little by little, walking one step at a time, is all you can do.”

We get to experience the roughest part of the path with Akito and Shigure, we got to watch them be terrible people who were lonely and in want of love struggle and learn how to get up and move on.

They tease each other, Shigure is thoughtful of the distinction between “the person Akito was raised to be” and “the person who Akito is”. He’s seen her at her messiest, and she’s seen him at his most jealous. They still chose each other, despite the hurt they caused each other, and others. They make up for it, reflect, and live a life that demonstrates that they have learned. They have friends who are thoughtful and loving and would not hesitate to drop everything and help them, lend an ear when they’re frustrated, help them not to make the same mistakes.

And then we get to see them be wonderful, kind, thoughtful, loving parents in Furubana.

We got to see their adorable, kind, compassionate child be friends with the children of the people Akito hurt, because everyone in the former Zodiac’s family collectively decided “never again, no”.

Their child adores them. Shiki in Furubana #13 radiates love for Akito and Shigure the same way Mutsuki and Hajime do.

They are genuinely good parents, even when they tease Shiki, and I think that is testament for how good they are for each other and how much they’ve changed as adults.

I think that’s enough of a reason to ship them, don’t you?

#Mitkun writes stuff #fruits basket manga spoilers #fruits basket another #fruits basket spoilers #akigure #fruits basket akito #fruits basket shigure

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tawakkull · 3 years

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ISLAM 101: Spirituality in Islam: Part 79

Chila (Suffering)

Denoting abandonment of all (worldly) pleasures and delights, and the affliction and hardship one bears when overcoming corporeality, chila (suffering) is used to express an initiate’s spending at least forty days in strict austerity and self-discipline in the name of spiritual training. During this period, initiates keep to the absolute bare minimum in meeting such bodily needs as eating, drinking, sleeping and speaking, and spend most of their time in worshipping, mentioning God, thinking and self-supervision. As if they had died before dying, they concentrate on death and are annihilated with respect to their carnal self and prepares for a new, spiritual life with the necessary endowment to be persons devoted to God.

Dervishes spend the period of suffering either in a silent corner of a dervish lodge or in a quiet room in their homes. Associated with austerity and even serving to fulfill some of its functions, suffering is an attempt to gain nearness to God or an active expectation of meeting with Him in the spirit. The original word used, chila in Persian and arba’in in Arabic, means forty, because such a period lasts at least forty days, although it may last less or more than forty days. It may even occur that the dervish feels obliged to suffer the whole life long in order to surmount the animal aspect of his or her nature. Regarding all hardships that dervishes suffer in God’s way as His precious gifts, they like life more as its griefs and hardships increase, and they welcome afflictions in the delight of living a conscious, deeply felt life. Some people of the heart consider misfortunes as Divine favors presented in that form, and desire more. Fuduli expresses his thoughts in this respect in the voice of Majnun as follows:

Never reduce Your grace on people of affliction; That is, make me addicted to more and more misfortunes.

Jalal al-Din al-Rumi likens suffering and afflictions to a guest knocking on our door every morning and stresses that the dear guest should be welcomed and entertained:

Every moment a grief comes upon your heart like a dear guest. When that emissary of grief visits you, welcome it as a friend; In fact, it is not a stranger to you, for You and it are acquainted.

Ibrahim Haqqi voices the same thoughts, dressing them in the style of his age:

If grief and melancholy come upon your heart, Suffer it and know that it is acquainted with you. If anything occurs to you from the Truth, Accept it with warm welcome. Sorrow is a guest, entertain it, so that God may find you welcoming every misfortune. ………… Hold not back from affliction so as not to become unmanly; Many people relying on God are happy with affliction.

Ashrafoghlu Rumi[1] advises that poison should be accepted as if it were honey or sugar:

Ashrafoghlu Rumi, this is what behoves those who love the Beloved, They should swallow poison as if it were sugar for the sake of the Friend.

In this way, it is essential to be very welcoming toward misfortunes, and to welcome with the same contentment whatever comes from God-good or bad, happiness or suffering. Moreover, there are some other principles which dervishes should observe during certain periods of suffering that they spend in retreat.

Suffering, which usually lasts for forty days, is the most direct way for travelers to God who are in pursuit of lofty ideals to purify their minds and hearts and to deepen in thought and feelings in consideration of the world beyond, and to rise to the level of life in the horizon of the heart and spirit where they will share the same aura with spiritual beings. Suffering exists in all the heavenly or unheavenly religions and religion-like spiritual systems; it is necessary in order to discover the innate power of the spirit. But here we will not discuss that aspect of it, which rather concerns mystical movements and parapsychology.

Muslim Sufis base their consideration of suffering on the forty days which the Prophet Moses spent on Mount Sinai before being addressed by God (see, the Qur’an 2:51; 7:142). They also refer to the forty years the Children of Israel had to spend in the desert of Sinai as a punishment for their refraining from fighting and as a preparation for their future life. In Christianity, there is the time of Lent (a period of forty days before Easter), which shows that suffering is common to almost all religions and religion-like systems. Furthermore, even if it only lasts ten days, retreat into a mosque without going out during the last ten days of Ramadan for the purpose of more devotion can also be considered as having some relation with suffering.

In the Muslim, Christian and Jewish worlds, and in different schools of thought in Islam, there have always been retreat and seclusion for the purpose of spiritual refinement and training. While such refinement and training have been performed in special rooms of retreat and seclusion, called houses of suffering, followers of others religions have performed the same in the seclusion of their places of worship.

Dervishes are taken into a retreat or a house of suffering by their spiritual guide. There they live alone, eating, sleeping, and speaking little, and spending most of their time in worship. They hold themselves under strict control and self-supervision, continuously breathing life into the heart, and traveling in the mind between their inner world and the outer world. Wholly dedicated to attaining a purely spiritual life, they try to feel the Lord with all their being and to see beyond the door half-opened on the heart. Endeavoring to discern and attain unity, they fear missing any signs of the Divine manifestations that may dawn on the hills of the heart. They express the limits of their capacity and the insufficiency of their will-power with sighs of poverty and helplessness, and become more hopeful with their reliance on the limitless Power of the Truth. When left with no means at all, they expect to be surprised by the opening of a door, and unburdens themselves to their Lord, Who sees everything, in the manner of a poor beggar, saying:

Be kind to me, O my Sovereign, do not abandon favoring the needy and destitute! Does it befit the All-Kind and Munificent to stop favoring His slaves?

As long as they grow in knowledge and love of God, they deepen in relationship with the Lord, and devote themselves wholly to feeling and thinking of Him. Keeping the satisfaction of their essential needs to the barest minimum, and overcoming their corporeality, they become confidants of heavenly beings in their states, attributes and being, and begin to breathe the breezes of friendship with the Sovereign.

Although suffering always takes on the same form, dervishes experience it differently according to their capacities and their powers of resistance. Some are almost completely freed from corporeality and worldliness, and are content with extremely little to meet the essentials of life, spending all their time in worship, thinking and mentioning God. Some others try to live consciously every hour, minute and second, letting no part of life pass without an effort to attain His nearness. Hours pass, weeks follow one upon another, and hunger, thirst and other hardships continue, without any sign of ending, but a dervish who has been accustomed to suffering as a way of life never desires the periods of suffering to come to an end. However, when the first period of forty days ends, the guide investigates to see at what stage the dervish is. The guide looks into the heart of the individual or reflects upon any dreams or visions reported. If the dervish has reached the point of being able to lead a life at the level of the heart and spirit, the guide will then put an end to the period of suffering with certain ceremonies. But it is always possible that new periods will be assigned if the guide considers that the dervish still needs more suffering in order to complete the spiritual purification.

In addition to the Mawlawis-followers of the Sufi order attributed to Mawlana Jalal al-Din al-Rumi-Persians, Azerbeijanis and even some Baktashis-followers of a Turkish mystical order-have ceremonies of their own for suffering. To whatever spiritual order or way a dervish belongs, the purpose of suffering is that travelers to God should purify themselves, discover their inner world and advance toward new horizons through the steps that are to be taken during the spiritual journey, leading a life at the level of the heart and then deepening through their other innermost faculties, such as “the secret” and “the private,” and “the more private,” observing their relations with and duties to the guide, perceiving the significance of obedience to orders, and endowing their spirit with humility and a feeling of nothingness, sincerely adopting the principle of being a simple human being among the people. This is what the guides, who teach dervishes suffering, and the dervishes who suffer, are seeking and what they expect from suffering. The final goal is to become true, perfect human beings.

However, it is not inevitable that one must suffer a certain period in order to attain what is expected from suffering. It is possible to obtain the expected result by abstention from doubtful things, being content with the pleasures inherent in the lawful sphere under the supervision of a guide who has truly succeeded God’s Messenger, upon him be pace and blesssings, and who has achieved the degree of great sainthood, by the acknowledgment of one’s innate poverty and helplessness before God, by thankfulness to Him, by zeal in serving His cause, and by exceptional piety, abstinence, and sincerity. What is absolutely essential in this way is that we should not approach the forbidden things, we should be careful about doubtful things, and we should benefit from the lawful only to the extent of what is necessary.

For those who succeed the Prophets, suffering is, rather than preoccupation with worship and the recitation of God’s Names in seclusion, and the abandonment of an easy life for the sake of torment, the pursuit only of God’s good pleasure and approval, always being aware of God’s company even while among people, arousing in hearts zeal for worshipping God with sincere Islamic thoughts, feelings and attitudes, representing Islam in daily life in the best way possible, stirring up Islamic feelings in others, and by developing in others the desire to believe. This is the way of the Companions.

Suffering in this sense becomes, beyond our own spiritual progress, the dedication of our lives to the happiness of others in both worlds and living for others. In other words, we should seek our spiritual progress in the happiness of others. This is the most advisable and the best approved kind of suffering: that is, we die and are revived a few times a day for the guidance and happiness of others, we feel any fire raging in another heart also in our own heart, and we feel the suffering of all people in our spirits. Rather than only being aware of selfish considerations, such as “One who has not suffered does not mean what suffering is,” we groan with the afflictions and pains which others in our immediate and distant surroundings endure.

Actively expecting (exerting the necessary efforts for) the subsidence of the storms of denial and heresy is a great suffering, while enduring with humility and grace life among rude and ignorant people in order to enlighten them both mentally and spiritually is double suffering. The struggle with the cruel people who take belief in and submission to God as a sport and who reject Islamic values is suffering upon suffering. Finally, in an atmosphere where all the causes of suffering already mentioned exist, and where friends are unfaithful, where time and conditions are pitiless, where troubles are numerous, where cures are extremely scant, where enemies are powerful, and where the wheel of events turn in the opposite direction, to always breathe in the atmosphere of the Truth while having to live every moment of life as if sipping poison is the greatest of sufferings. All of this will help travelers to God to reach the final point in a very short time.

Those who suffered the most in this sense are the Prophets, and on their right and left are the pure, verifying scholars who succeed them and the saints. The hadith, Those who are subjected to the greatest afflictions and suffering are the Prophets, and then come others (according to the depth of their belief)[2] indicates this fact and reminds us that the intensity of suffering is directly proportional to the resistance of the sufferer.

There are few who really suffer in the sense that has been discussed here. It is not genuine suffering that people are subjected to in daily life. Those who really suffer feel suffering and bear it in their private worlds. It cannot be shared by others. The Prophet Joseph, upon him be peace, whose suffering began when he was cast into a well, experienced suffering doubly in a foreign county when he was sold as a slave and thrown into jail, and left among a people who had a different culture and language, and who did not sympathize with him. The suffering he experienced purified and perfected him in the name of his mission as a Messenger; and God made him nearer to Him. The Prophet Adam bore his suffering with tears, and Noah had to breast terrible disasters and destruction, while Abraham, whom God took to Himself as an intimate friend, always had to travel in rings of fire. The Prophet Moses, whom God addressed directly, struggled fiercely against the rebellion of brute force. Jesus, a pure spirit from God, called people to God under the fatal shadows of the gallows. And finally, the master of creation, upon him be peace and blessings, suffered all that the other Prophets and Messengers suffered. He wept tears, groaned and burnt inwardly for the salvation and happiness of others, but without displaying any sign of suffering.

Hundreds of sufferers from the first day of human history have tasted the pleasure of suffering for the salvation and happiness of others in both worlds in utmost submission to God and have been wholly dedicated to the life of others, without ever considering that they have been made to experience the greatest of sufferings. More than this, they have welcomed such suffering and have been intoxicated with the pleasure thus received.

Suffering of thought is also another great suffering. Thinking, leading others to think, setting themselves to solve the severest problems and world-heavy enigmas, including that of existence, is a form of suffering. Thought does not yield, but rather builds bridges between and composes the Divine Revelation and human thought, presenting to “hungry” and “thirsty” hearts and minds the pure extract produced from this composition. This is the suffering in which the heroes of suffering, who are as sincere as angels and who have followed the Messengers, have found an antidote for poison in the poison itself, peace and coolness in the fire, having experienced such with the greatest pleasure. Such people are fortunate that there is no end to their periods of suffering; they cannot be pleased with the idea that such suffering is bound to come to an end. If you attempt to take them out of gardens of suffering, you will not be able to do so; if you were able to do so, you would extinguish their fire and leave them to die.

It is this suffering which is the purest source that feeds the spirit of a true dervish, and which is the most powerful means for travelers to the Truth to reach eternality.

Our Lord! In You we trust, and to You we turn in contrition, and to You is our homecoming. Our Lord! Pour out upon us patience, and set our feet firm, and help us to victory over the unbelievers. And let God’s blessings be upon our master Muhammad, our leader, and on his family and Companions, who were the patient and faithful. [1] Ashrafoghlu ‘Abdullah Rumi (d., 1484) was a Sufi scholar and poet who lived in Iznik in the North-Western Turkey. He was taught by Haji Bayram Wali in Ankara and Husayn Hamawi in Hama, Syria. He wrote several books, the most well-known of which is Muzakki’n-Nufus (“The Book Which Purifies Souls”). (Trans.) [2] Al-Tirmidhi, “Zuhd,” 57; Ibn Maja, “Fitan,” 23.

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fortunatelylori · 5 years

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People are not what they seem – Thoughts on episode 7

This episode was a bit of a mixed bag for me. There were moments I loved but overall it left me more than a little frustrated.

Sparks joy

Arthur Parker

Arthur has always sparked joy for me. His pineapple takedown was one of the most iconic moments of this show and he does not disappoint in episode 7. A lot of people were surprised to see him make the salient points to both Sidney and Georgiana. But I would argue that’s because they haven’t paid attention to Mr. Heywood’s warning back in episode 1.

People are not what they seem in Sanditon and you shouldn’t let what other characters think about one person or another influence your opinion of them. Arthur might be a hypochondriac but, by and large, he has been considerably less trouble to anyone than the likes of Georgiana or Tom. He has also always been, in his own way, incredibly wise and brave. He asked Georgiana to dance when everyone was staring at her in a state of shock and he taught Lady Denham a lesson when even Sidney remained silent.

So it’s no small wonder that the task of reminding Sidney that Eliza Champion might not be the most trustworthy person in the world falls onto him.

It could hardly fall onto Tom … Listen I’ve tried my best to be as understanding with Tom Parker as I could be, making excuses for him left and right. But no more! In this episode alone, he tries to pass off his passive aggressive bullshit onto Mary when she rightly makes him see that hanging around Lady Denham’s drawing room like a carrion crow makes him no better than the likes of Edward Denham. He fallows that up by trying to push his younger brother into a quickie wedding to a woman that abandoned him in favor of a richer husband and sent him on a self-destructive path that almost killed him. What a bozo!!!

At the very least, as his older brother, it was up to Tom to advise Sidney to be a little careful in restarting his relationship with Eliza. But no, that task falls unto Arthur because Tom can’t be trusted with anything more challenging than miniature house building.

Esther and Lord Babington

Speaking of people not being what they seem, these two are by far the biggest surprises Sanditon has to offer. Esther started off as a combination of Mary Crawford and Caroline Bingley and she’s turned into freaking Ingrid Bergman in Gaslight over here!

Don’t ever let anyone tell you Sanditon is just a shallow bodice ripper because the way it went about effortlessly depicting a woman struggling through an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist is masterful! And her setting herself free of Edward in this episode was glorious!

As was Lord Babington proving to be a better Darcy than Darcy himself. His deep empathy for her, his complete rejection of Edward’s bitter gossip mongering and his unconditional support was truly moving. Bless him and his orange handkerchief!

PS: Give this man a first name, Davies! He’s earned it!

The Heraclitus of it all

Again, I firmly believe that the people who are dismissing this show as just a spot of shallow entertainment, aren’t really paying attention because the whole scene of Charlotte’s assumed humiliation is so carefully and masterfully built it’s delightful to watch

Charlotte takes Sidney’s “I’m certain Charlotte would prefer to be reading Heraclitus” line as an insult that depicts her a country bumpkin who is not fit for the fashionable London crowd.

But should she? We already know that Sidney reads Heraclituss himself. They were just bonding over that on their little boat ride. And look where his line comes into play:

Eliza: There must be a boy in your village that’s caught your eye.

Lady Susan: Why should Charlotte be limited to her village?

Eliza: I always think it helps to share a common background, that’s all. Miss Heywood is hardly likely to find a kindred spirit in this company.

Lady Susan: Why not?

Eliza: I just imagine she must find our London talk unspeakably tedious. Wouldn’t you agree, Sidney?

Sidney: I have no doubt Charlotte would rather be sat somewhere, quietly reading Heraclitus.

What Sidney is actually saying is that there is someone there who is a kindred spirit to Charlotte: HIM! He isn’t insulting her or laughing at her. He’s making a call back to their London ball scene where they both felt out of place but found solace in each other. What he’s telling her is that he doesn’t belong amongst Eliza’s crowd either.

This kind of subtle, clever writing is actually a lot rarer than you might think and, for me, drives to the core of why Andrew Davies is such a fantastic writer. He not only understands how to present a period drama to a modern audience in a way that is fresh and interesting but also how to create these moments of brilliant writing complexity almost effortlessly.

Georgiana Lambe

Georgiana, the character, isn’t really sparking joy for me as she’s behaving like an utter brat but the writing for her character is. She’s been terribly hurt for the first time in her life so she’s lashing out anyway she can. Also this line is brilliant:

Sidney: I am all too aware that I have fallen short as your guardian. But please believe that I am sincere in my desire to make amends.

Georgiana: Men like you cannot change.

Why is that brilliant? Well because Georgiana is engaging in one of the oldest and most popular forms of toxic anger: transference. What she’s really saying is that Otis will never change enough for them to be together. But Otis isn’t there, Sidney is so he gets to be the punching bag du jour.

The reason why depicting her grief in this way is so compelling is because it’s so natural to her story. She was already feeling like an outcast in England, not loved or wanted by anyone. Otis let her concentrate all of her self-worth entirely on him (one of the worst things he did and not the only one but that’s a subject for another meta) and then failed to live up to his inherent promises. Georgiana feels that no one cares for her and so she pushes the people who are trying to help her away so she can have her very own self-fulfilling prophecy.

And while her interaction with Sidney might be somewhat understandable considering his cold attitude towards her in the beginning and also the fact that whether or not Georgiana likes it, he’s the closest she has to an actual parental figure, her attitude towards Arthur absolutely is not.

Her insults, thankfully, fall on deaf ears because Arthur knows he is a precious lily of the field and we are all very happy he’s here!

Does not spark joy

Sidney and Eliza

From what I see in the tags, no one is really all that fond of Eliza … I wonder why … lol …

But protectiveness over my ship isn’t really why this storyline didn’t spark joy for me. It’s actually because it failed to live up to its potential. The writers chose to make Sidney and Eliza’s reunion all about how that affects Charlotte and dedicated very little time to the Sidney/Eliza dynamic.

And it started so well too. I had high hopes when Sidney said this:

Sidney: A man cannot step into the same river twice.

What Sidney is talking about in very poetic terms if what in my country we call “reheated soup”. That’s what Eliza is … a chance to reheat the soup. Except that the saying goes: reheated soup never tastes the same which is absolutely true when it comes to relationships. Tempting as it might be to rekindle something, it very rarely works out because the reasons why you broke up in the first place will eventually rear their ugly heads again. Which they do in their case as well, when Eliza needlessly attacks Charlotte, proving herself petty and superficial.

But because we never stay with Sidney enough to figure out what his attraction to her might have been once upon a time, because we don’t get to see how reuniting with her is stirring not only his feelings of long lost longing but also of the trauma she caused and because we don’t even get to watch their last conversation together, it all fails to make the impact that it could have made. Which is a shame …

IMDB has Ruth Kearney listed for episode 8 as well and a part of me hopes Eliza will be back next week and we can have a bit of a do over.

Lady Susan

I know everyone likes her and the actress is delightful. However as much as I might enjoy her in isolation, within the context of the story she remains a poorly introduced character who is only on screen to push Charlotte and Sidney together (we never find out why she’s so invested in this) and to act as a deus ex machine for the regatta.

The “half agony, half hope” that is …

Charlotte

I really hate to do this because I love her but most of my frustration this episode came down to Charlotte.

Her behavior was confusing, dissatisfying and at times quite thoughtlessly cruel. Most of that was directed at poor James Stringer.

As you know, I am a Charlotte/Sidney shipper so I don’t have a problem with Charlotte not returning James’ affection. In fact I’ve made the point in the past that the whole Tem Stringer vs. Team Sidney promotion was silly because it was clear there was no rivalry there.

However, Charlotte behaves very poorly to him in this episode. It’s the second time now (the first was in episode 4) where she’s used James as a stand-in for Sidney. Every time she’s talking to this boy, her mind is miles away and she ends up missing all the signs that she’s stringing him along (no pun intended but the clue is in the name, I suppose).

What Charlotte really wants is for Sidney to give her the same undivided adoring validation Stringer gives her and because he isn’t, she ends up engaging with James in a way that is less than ideal. That’s not so say she necessarily realizes she’s doing this but her thoughtlessness is starting to be frustrating.

Which brings me to … her behavior towards Sidney. The way unrequited love seems to work for Charlotte is that it makes her less than generous and she looks for any opportunity to cut Sidney loose, so to speak.

She doesn’t attempt to put up a fight for him at any level, despite this being the girl that fights for everything that matters to her. And it all comes crushing down during the conversation with Eliza, when she takes the smallest opportunity to completely shut him out.

It’s also kind of hypocritical of her to still be angry at this comment at the end of the episode, when she did far worse. I mean if you want to talk about someone being someone else’s “source of amusement” look no further than:

Charlotte (imitating Sidney): You see, Georgiana, this is exactly why I locked you away in Mrs. Griffths’ dungeon. To keep you out of mischief, while I, Sidney Parker, gallivant around London with my high society, dandy friends.

So while deciding that Sidney was an ass to her is tempting, I’d like to point out that, as I’ve shown earlier, there is nothing mean spirited or negative in his comment at all. So is it fair to say that Sidney hurt her when the most obvious explanation is that Charlotte is insecure? She has been since the moment she met Sidney and Eliza instinctively preyed on that insecurity. And Charlotte not only let’s Eliza hurt her but she also transfers her insecurity firmly onto Sidney’s shoulders, instead of owning it or resolving it.

The reason why this is in the half agony, half hope category is because I’m not sure if the above is the writers’ intention or if I’m trying to make this more interesting than it actually is. If their intention is to paint Charlotte as completely right about everything, while Sidney is the fool who needs to repent and Stringer is the guy who got ahead of himself, I’m going to be pretty disappointed.

For the moment, we’ll have to wait and see, I guess.

#sanditon #sanditon 2019 #my meta #charlotte heywood #sidney parker #young stringer #arthur paker #georgiana lambe #eliza champion #charlotte x sidney #sidney x charlotte

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innocent-until-proven-geeky · 5 years

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Peter and Harley as Stark “siblings” headcanons

They met after the funeral but they’d both heard stories about each other from Tony so neither was... angry? I guess?

But Harley was kind of jealous of the time Peter had gotten with Tony that he hadn’t got

He’s not upset with Peter for Tony’s death though, even though some people might think he has the right to be

Anyway the funeral

Pepper offers for them both to stay the night afterward

The lake house is lonely with just her and Morgan and she hasn’t really gotten to spend time with these boys in five years and she just needs this win

Peter says yes because what he’s seen of the lake house doesn’t really remind him too much of Tony and the grief and guilt are still too raw for that

NYC has been agony for him in the days between the battle and the funeral

And Pepper offered May to spend the night too because she couldn’t handle one more night all by herself in the bedroom and she couldn’t imagine how May must feel about letting her boy go ANYWHERE after she just got him back

Harley... actually doesn’t have much of a choice since the lake house is where he arranged to stay the entire time he was in New York

So Pepper and May sleep in the master bedroom bc they’ve actually become best friends in the last five years

And Peter and Harley each have their own guest room on either side of Morgan’s bedroom

Neither of the boys can sleep so when Morgan starts crying in the room between them they hear it loud and clear

Well, as clear as it can get between walls

Tbh this is assuming Tony didn’t do something like build crazy thick walls or put a layer of steel between layers of drywall or some shit to keep his baby girl safe

Which I think we all know he would do

So they hear Morgan and they both go to her because they’re both Good People™️

And of course she’s crying because she’s at the age where “daddy’s not coming home” is kind of the easiest way to explain death but she doesn’t GET it

Doesn’t her daddy miss her as much as she misses him?

Neither Peter nor Harley really know what to do in this situation

They’ve both been in similar situations but that was so long ago and they barely know this kid

So they just start telling their stories of Tony

Before they know it, Morgan is sound asleep between these two boys who met her within the last 48 hours (Harley did not travel on the day of the funeral)

So really Harley and Peter are just telling each other stories about Tony Stark, and building things with him, and him being the best father figure for both of him

I’m not quite on the bandwagon that Uncle Ben was a shitty person because I don’t think May would have stood for that, but I do think that he actively tried not to replace Peter’s father and as a result just never really became a father figure at all

So they bond over Dad Tony Stark

Until slowly Harley falls asleep too, and Peter who is awful at keeping secrets and for some reason inherently trusts Harley and has therefore already told him about Spider-Man, carries him to his own room

Then he goes back to bed and even though the survivor’s guilt is still there and the grief of losing someone again is still there, there’s a bit of weight off his chest

He falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow (sleeping soundly through the night for the first time since the second snap)

Once they’re both awake they start messing with the limited Stark tech available at the lake house, which continues their bonding not only over Dad Tony Stark but also over tech in general

They find out they share many of the same interests but Harley comes out to Peter as aroace (I’ve come out to people within a few minutes of knowing them so it’s not completely implausible)

Peter is bi ace and they immediately bond over being ace too

Part of the reason Harley came out is because he saw Peter was wearing an ace ring but he doesn’t say anything because he is already well aware that Peter is a Dingus™️

He also knows that Peter feels honored that Harley came out to him so early on in their friendship so he’s not going to ruin it by pointing out the ring

At least not yet

Over the next few weeks, Harley goes back home and Peter goes back to school

Peter has been telling Harley about Ned so when they’re seeing each other regularly again, Harley helps Peter ask this cute boy out

Secretly Harley is the one planning all of their dates

Pepper sees their blossoming friendship, both at the lake house and whenever she’s with one of them after (those two text almost as much as Peter texts Ned) and starts paying for them to visit each other

They both try to politely refuse but eventually they give in, because they actually wanted her to do this and they just couldn’t ask without Peter feeling like an awful person

Harley actually would have been chill with asking because during his visit at the time of the funeral he overheard her talking to Happy about “now Tony isn’t here to spend ridiculous amounts on his suits, and I give money to charities but I also want to do something for people he and I both know and care about, in his memory”

He doesn’t tell Peter this though because he knows Peter is still feeling guilty and that might make it worse

They visit and talk so often that it’s like they’ve known each other their whole lives

Ned is jealous for a whole two seconds before he realizes that Peter and Harley are straight up brothers

Plus Ned knows Peter even better than Harley AND he gets to hold his hand so why be jealous?

Harley isn’t out to Ned yet because even though he knows he’s a good guy he’s... not ready to be out to more than one person

Well he’s out to his mom too but that’s beside the point

Ummm I need to go to bed but the rest of this is that basically Peter and Harley babysit Morgan all the time, they raise her to be a fantastic scientist (actually Pepper does, obviously, they just help, but they like to claim they raised her)

By the time the boys are out of college Morgan is eleven and in a phase of “every group needs a club name” and so she decided to call the three of them The Stark Sibs

When Morgan gets her first phone the first thing she does is make a group chat of the three of them

Several years in the future, they (and Ned who is now married to Peter) get in the paper as The Stark Sibs for some amazing scientific breakthrough they make together

You can interpret this where MJ and Morgan are besties and MJ gradually becomes a Stark Sib too, but she chose to go into a different field of study, something socially beneficial, and therefore wasn’t with the other kids when they made their big pape-worthy breakthrough

You can also interpret this the exact same way, but the reason MJ is around so often is not platonic but because she is in a poly relationship with Ned and Peter

I ship both Interwebs and NedxPeterxMJ so I had to write both options but I didn’t include MJ earlier bc if I did I probably would have included her in the poly relationship and then it would be a little less open to interpretation

Anyway I really gotta get to bed but I really love the idea of all five of them being the best of friends but I just don’t ship Harley and Peter romantically

I hc them being too similar for that, I guess

#harley keener #peter parker #ned leeds #morgan stark #michelle jones #interwebs #peter x ned #ned x peter #peterned #peterx ned x mj #stark siblings #stark family #harley keener and peter parker

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theeeveetamer · 5 years

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What's all the discourse of Dimidue being unhealthy and racist coming from?

You know Anon, I’m not really sure. I usually try to disengage with areas of the fandom that piss me off or annoy me because they’re just not worth my time.

From what I can tell? It’s a bunch of people that didn’t even play Azure Moon, or didn’t bother to get any of Dedue’s supports. That, or people who are applying real-world standards to a fictional universe.

So... Even though I hate this here’s my opinions on it all.

Dimidue is Racist:

I’ve seen people mention that Dimitri only saved Dedue out of some “white guilt” complex but that’s really not the case. White guilt is not a concept that exists in Fodlan. You know why? Sylvain explicitly states that prior to the Tragedy of Duscur (only four years ago) the two countries actually got along quite well. Racism between the people of Duscur and Faerghus is a very new thing, that resulted directly from the murder of nearly their entire royal family, and the retaliatory massacre. Which, fun fact, the former is not an idea that Dimitri subscribes to. He explicitly states that he knows the people of Duscur aren’t responsible, that’s probably at least part of why he saved Dedue (he was saving an innocent man).

Perhaps they’re confusing Sreng and Duscur as the same thing, because the people of Faerghus haven’t had a great relationship with the Sreng people? NGL I was kind of under that impression at first too since the game never lets you sit down and really look at the map... But they’re not, the library/wiki explicitly states that Sreng and Duscur are completely different peninsulas. If you look at the map of Fodlan, Duscur is explicitly stated to be part of what is now Kleiman territory, pretty far west and not at all attached to Sreng.

So the only conclusion I can come to is... It’s because Dedue is black? News flash guys... A black person and a white person being in a relationship isn’t inherently racist. Not by today’s standards, and definitely not in a world where the historical racism and prejudice simply doesn’t exist.

Now you’re applying real world history and standards onto a completely fictional world and characters. Also why the fuck would this Japanese game give half a shit about American sociopolitical and racial issues?

Dimidue is unhealthy:

As for it being unhealthy... I guess that’s because it’s a lord/vassal relationship. But frankly I refuse to take those people seriously unless they have exactly zero problematic ships of their own. I’m not shitting on these ships, like whatever you want to like, but don’t be a hypocrite about it and don’t take a shit all over someone else’s ship because it just makes this entire environment toxic.

Power imbalance? That applies to basically every lord character/anyone ship, or any noble character/commoner character ship. So sorry guys, you’re not allowed to ship Edelgard or Claude with anyone anymore. Byleth either, for that matter! S/he was these kids professor that is so many shades of power imbalance I can’t even. Leo/Niles was a lord/vassal relationship, guess you can’t ship them. Chrom has to be single for the rest of his life, sorry ladies.

It’s codependent? I mean, Dimitri and Dedue have a bit of, codependent dynamic. Here’s the important thing though: They can exist without each other. Dedue has several endings in which he decides to leave Dimitri’s side, and Dimitri lets him go with a smile. They’re two people that have been traumatized in a very similar way, and they use each other to get through it. That’s not necessarily unhealthy... That’s literally the entire purpose of group therapy.

You could argue that Dimitri goes crazy when Dedue dies in Azure Moon, and that proves that they’re codependent... But wouldn’t you? Someone you explicitly find “irreplaceable and cherished” just died, on top of the deaths of your entire family and the humiliation of being stripped of your power and being forced to live in the slums. Like dude, just thinking about my mom or dad dying in the future has me in tears. And I’m not even that close to my parents. Thinking of my cat dying has me in fucking tears. I had a nightmare where I had to mercy kill the little guy and I was fucked up for days. Think of it like that, and yeah Dimitri going crazy with grief is really not that codependent.

Dedue is only following Dimitri because of a life debt? Not really. There’s nothing about Dedue or Dimitri that implies that he couldn’t leave or be dismissed at any time. Not only that, but Dedue doesn’t really have any reason to leave. They have explicitly stated shared goals. Dedue doesn’t just follow Dimitri because he saved his life, he follows him because they have the shared ambition of clearing the people of Duscur of guilt. That, and Dimitri explicitly states that Dedue has probably saved him (emotionally) far beyond whatever he did for Dedue.

Dedue will blindly do whatever Dimitri wants, including but not limited to killing innocents and children, or getting himself killed in his place? That’s fucked up, sure, but keep in mind... Dimitri never orders him to do any of that shit. Because he wouldn’t. Because he’s, at his core, a massive bleeding heart and Dedue knows it. In fact, he does the exact opposite of ordering Dedue to die in his place. He begs Dedue to go on living without him.

Dimitri is mentally ill? Don’t even get me fucking started. I don’t need to write an entire post to tell you that mentally ill people are just as deserving of love as any other human being alive.

#dimidue #don't @ me to argue this #I'm not really in a fighting mood #and if you're going to shit on a ship #stay the fuck out of their tag #hopefully this is coherent anon #I tried #Anonymous

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awildpoliticalnerd · 5 years

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Book Review: The Moral Animal: Why We Are the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology. By Robert Wright. (1994).

Robert Wright’s The Moral Animal is a look through the field of evolutionary psychology--at least as it stood at the book's writing in 1994. It's a promising work with a lot of insight. However, it can best be analogized to the peacock: If it survives, it does so despite the massive disadvantage of some obvious maladaptions. In the case of the peacock, the adaption is its oversized tail (or "train" as it's often referred to). In the case of The Moral Animal, it's Wright’s own unexamined moral and ideological biases presented as fact that lowered its potential.

The big sell of the book is actually a rather interesting premise: Take the most famous proponent of the theory of evolution (Charles “the Chuck” Darwin) and use his life to demonstrate the principles of evolutionary psychology. Want to illustrate the theory that men are less biologically inclined towards lifelong monogamy thanks to our disproportionately small part in the baby-making process? Highlight the fact that Darwin literally sketched out a cost/benefit analysis of getting married in his notebook. Want to argue that young siblings should be both predisposed towards rivalry and cooperation thanks to kin selection? Give some (admittedly adorable) examples of Darwin’s many, many children. Because of this, the book was part popular-science exploration of a then-burgeoning topic and accessible biography on one of the most important scientific minds to ever emerge from the primordial ooze. When done well, this was the book at its best. It was discursive, informative, and enjoyable. It kept me engaged over much of the book’s nearly 400-pages.

(Lest someone use the opening example as evidence that I have no idea what the hell I’m talking about later in the review, let it be known that I know that the mystery of the peacock’s train was solved with the insights of sexual selection--that peahens select males with large trains because possessing one shows that the males have got to be pretty dang "fit" to survive with such a glaringly obvious disadvantage. Writing thematically consistent introductions is hard; I claim some artistic liberties here).

There are two core ways that this plays out throughout the book. The first is the odd insistence that every possible point that Wright could conceive of making in this vast subject was exemplified by good ol’ Chuck. And there were times that this was very clearly a stretch. The way he pursued his eventual wife, Emma, is described through a very genetic lens instead of primarily cultural terms (part of a supposed genetic predisposition towards the “Madonna-Whore” dichotomy for those of us with that infernal y chromosome). His differential patterns of grief for the loss of two of his children (he reportedly mourned the death of his ten year old daughter far longer, and far more intensely, then that of his infant son) are couched as being primarily due to their proximity to prime fertility age. His intense anxiety about publishing what would be his scientific legacy (you know, apart from being the 19th century’s foremost barnacle expert)? It’s the genes! It’s genes, genes, genes all the way down.

I’d like to say that the book was always like this. Or, apparently, my desire to want to say this, my inability to do so, and the considerable amount of sarcasm required to pen these last two sentences are because of my genes. At least that’s the culprit if we were to take Wright literally. At times, he is positively (and ironically) evangelical about the power of our genetics in dictating our behavior. And it is to the rest of the work’s detriment.

I’m not some biological denialist. I believe whole-heartedly in evolutionary theory. And, of course, the potential for any and all physical actions have to ultimately originate in the code that facilitates every biological process we undertake. But, first off, since natural selection works probabilistically, what do you think the odds are that, of the billions of humans to walk the Earth, the theory’s first popular progenitor is an acceptable exemplar of all of these processes? It’s laughably small. Literally smaller than the first common ancestor of all life on this planet compared to the sun. I don’t think that this means that Wright had to abandon the mission of using Darwin as an illustration--again, that’s part of what made this book so interesting--but it would be far better served if, instead, Wright said something to the effect of “we can see an imperfect analogy to these processes in Darwin’s life.” A small change but, as Wright knows, small changes can have a large impact.

I suspect that Wright’s self-admitted zealousy on the subject was partially spurred on by the fact that this book was written before epigenetics (the process through which different parts of the genome are activated/deactivated in response to environmental changes, changing the genes’ expression) was more rigorously demonstrated. I recall him adamantly insisting, once or twice, that genes “can’t be changed” once we’ve been conceived. At the time, that was the belief commensurate with the best available evidence. Although epigenetics do not disprove this, the truth is that our genes are far more flexible than originally thought. If genetic fixedness is what you’re arguing, it’s pretty tough to say anything other than “everything Darwin did ever is totally explainable through evolutionary psychology.” Even if it's not true. So I’ve decided to chalk this up to scientific progress and its inevitable, unenviable ability to reveal certain pronouncements as utterly wrong. It’ll undoubtedly happen to me; it happens to any practicing scientist.

The second theme, though, is less able to be chalked up to the inexorable march of progress. That is the distinct, but related, assertion interwoven throughout the text that literally everything can be explained by evolutionary psychology. Moral codes? Evolutionary psychology. Selective memory of our own moral failings? Evolutionary psychology. Western social structures and the necessity of political and economic inequality? Survey says: Evolutionary psychology.

These assertions are often manifest through what I call “cover your ass” language. We all know it; we all, regrettably, deploy it. It comes when the authors use absolute terms for the vast preponderance of the work and then say “now, do I really think that this explains everything? Of course not! But…” and then proceeds to make the exact same points, just with a couple of words interjected to signal intellectual humility. A few careful words do not erase the other 98% and the frames they collectively construct. Wright is arguing that evolutionary psychology alone can explain just about every social phenomenon, from the simple to profound. But the fact of the matter is that evolutionary psychology would be hard-pressed to understand why people on vacation with their families would bother to leave tips at restaurants despite the fact that they do, more often than not. (Seriously. Reciprocal altruism’s out since you’ll never see that server again. Odds are they weren’t related, so kin selection’s out too. Peacocking wealth contrasts with women’s supposed preference for mates who don’t needlessly divert resources away from her children. Tipping is a tough nut to crack for rational-choice-esque theoried like evolutionary psych). If it can’t explain something so banal as this, I have strong doubts of the deterministic account Wright explicates here. He will, almost begrudgingly, admit that social and environmental forces play a part in genetic expression. But he does not seem prepared to admit that it plays as big of a role as even the available evidence at the time did.

The more I read it, the more I felt that this book was symbolic of a lot of evolutionary science at the time: It contains real, interesting insight on genetic processes and their role (however expansive or limited) in complex interpersonal phenomena. These shouldn’t be undersold or ignored; I learned a great deal reading this book. The problem is that these insights come paired with uninterrogated moralizing, steeped in contemporaneous social events, passed off as timeless, objective Truth. The most obvious example (because of how often Wright returns to it) comes in the aforementioned asymmetry in male parental investment. Or, rather, the seemingly inevitable end-result: Divorce. This was often curiously paired with hand-wavey discussions of the Madonna-Whore dichotomy. Apparently, men who manage to have sex with women earlier in the relationship feel less inclined to see her as a viable marriage partner. Should a quickly-pairing couple (referring to the speed in which they decide to do the act and not, hopefully, the duration of the act itself) wind-up married, men are more likely to ditch the women--and ditch them for similar "kinds" of women. This discussion would often lead to Wright lamenting how women are engaging in sex earlier and earlier in romantic relationships. Things were better decades before this promiscuity was socially acceptable. Like back in Victorian England when Charles wed his beloved Emma. And the evidentiary linchpin, at times explicitly mentioned while only obliquely inferred at others, is the sky-high divorce rates that, Wright argues, came as a consequence of social structures being poorly designed considering our inherent genetic predispositions.

Of course, we now know that the high divorce rates of the 90s were a temporary thing. First-marriages are lasting far longer than they did (on average) in the 80’s, 90’s, and early 00’s but divorces are just as easy (if not easier) than ever before. If it was entirely because of early sex and our baser nature, the pattern should continue. The fact that it doesn’t is both evidence that evolutionary psychology is more limited than Wright suggests and that the urgency imbued in his analysis was shaped by his own moral sensibilities rather than those seen in society as a whole, inculcated by natural selection.

This wasn’t all of the social critique Wright was inclined to wade in. All fields and theories have their critics. Good authors often anticipate common objections and address them in the text. He saw his most likely critics as less scientifically driven as ideologically so. Lofty prose to the contrary, he was on the attack far more than on the defense; Darwin found himself a new bull dog. His target: Those dastardly post-modernists. He often panned “post-modernism” for their critiques of evolutionary psychology, often claiming (without much evidence) that it stemmed from the post-modernists’ universal and fundamental ignorance about biology. Honestly, the way Wright so derisively talked about them, I was surprised that he didn’t bust out a couple of verbose “yo mamma” jokes.

What makes his vituperative swipes so ironic 25 years later is that the post-structuralists were right. Many evolutionary scientists were predisposed towards advancing biologically deterministic theories of human behavior. Any practicing geneticist worth their salt today would tell you that human behavior is so dependent on genes' interactions with the social and physical environment that even things we take for granted as “hard-wired” (such as one’s sexual preference) has been persuasively shown to not be the consequence of singular genes--or even wholly the consequence of complex genetic interactions. This is a far, far cry from Wright’s portrayal in the book; I honestly think he would be aghast at this suggestion, as if it surrenders precious ground to heretical forces in the battle for all of science’s soul. And the post-modernists are consequently vindicated in questioning what kind of power is made manifest, and towards whom is it ultimately directed, when these assertions are given the pop-science stamp of total veracity. (Actually, despite it being basically their entire deal, I can’t recall a moment when Wright discussed power when issuing his disses of post-modernism. Instead, he discussed them in the same kind of shifting, ephemeral manner that paints them as boogeymen with accusations that were often equally grounded in reality. I think he would find his own intellectual horizons broadened if he allotted the same serious attention to their intellectual contributions as he demands for his subject).

To shoehorn in a personal complaint that I had, the book was heavy in evolutionary theory but very, very sparse in social-psychological insight. Spare a chapter where Wright tried to rehabilitate Freud’s reputation (as successful attempt as one’s going to have considering how uphill that battle is), most of the psychology was relegated to sexual pairing preferences and over-general suggestions on morality and social bonding. The former was interesting and insightful; the rest woefully underdeveloped. I may be spoiled by books like Behave and How Emotions Are Made (part of these phenomenal works both touched on how evolution may bring around specific cognitive processes), but I think Wright could have comfortably fit interesting, more specific insights if he shed the weird moralism and extensive post-modernist vendetta.

I hate closing reviews with negatives, no matter how well deserved. Presumably that’s in my genes as well. So I’d actually like to conclude by saying that I well and truly learned a lot from this book. Some of it was less novel so much as it was a refresher (I have read a number of prominent books on evolutionary theory, including the oft-referenced Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins), but some insights were well and truly new to me and illuminating. The one that stands out the most at the moment is the game theoretic accounts claiming that monogamy ultimately serves men (while institutional polygyny would be better for women) and the argument that people are more rude in spaces with fewer permanent interpersonal ties. I also thought the point that adherence to cultural values are an expedient for environmentally contingent reproductive success was well argued. I don’t buy these arguments entirely, but I think they and other points are worth mulling over to extract the useful bits. But in order to get to these bits, you have to be attentive and willing to parse through a lot of things that, in the rat-race of ideas, deserve to be thoroughly out-competed.

#reviews #book review #evolutionary psychology #books #psychology #nonfiction

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semirahrose · 6 years

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Hello! After spending days reading your blog and realizing how much of a Sam girl you are (just like me), I'd like to ask you something: I saw a post yesterday which someone said that "Sam doesn't give a damn about people unless he 'sees himself in it', that's why Dean has more friends than him" and I would really like to know your opinion about this. You think that's true? Thanks ❤️❤️

Thank you for being an amazing Sam fan! It’s a wonderful group, I’ve found.

I feel like I see those allegations every day. Not too long ago, I got a message about how Sam was “self-absorbed” because he shared some history with Jack, and I… yelled about that a bit, whoops.

Sam has been kind to people who have used him and badly hurt him. He’s understanding and loving toward people he has barely had a chance to get to know (Mary, for example). Sam has endless reserves of kindness and he honestly exhausts them for plenty of people who don’t deserve it… but Sam thinks they deserve a chance.

The thing is, the people who claim that Sam is apathetic might be getting it from his surface-level relationships with others. The show brings in new “friends” for the Winchesters all the time, but then never gives Sam a chance to interact with them. Until Eileen, Sam was, with very few exceptions, subject to what one wonderful person dubbed The Bela Effect (it has two parts). Charlie, Garth, and many others all had very limited relationships with Sam (and were, on some occasions, overtly–though possibly unconsciously–mocking or biased toward him). On some level, that makes sense. Sam has lost so many people that he’s really cautious about letting himself connect with others.

So, no… Sam looking for echoes of himself is not why “Dean has more friendships” than Sam.

Sam spent the first several seasons thinking he was doomed to become evil. Even his own father and brother accepted the idea that they might need to put Sam down. Grief and terror at one’s own inherent freakishness is not conducive to forming lasting bonds. And if he does? Sarah Blake? Madison? For any number of reasons… “it ends bloody, [or] it ends bad,” to borrow a phrase.

In the very first episode, the girl he loved was murdered, her corpse left up in a mockery of his mother’s—a death Sam also blames himself for.

People he trusts either die or prove to be evil (unless they’re very, very rare one-off characters who identify with or support Sam). The Special Children, especially, were victims of this. They, like Sam, were manipulated and forced into situations beyond their control where they had to make awful choices in order to survive. Sam made it through. None of the others were so lucky.

He spent a whole bunch of time being actively (or passively) suicidal. I… have a tag for “sam and suicide.”

Sam then spent lifetimes and lifetimes and lifetimes being tortured, and came back to a world where he didn’t trust himself or his own perceptions of the world or the people around him.

He was then grieving and lost, and berated for a whole season for his response to that loss until he was, again, literally suicidal.

Possessed against his will for a portion of a season, then criticized for his response when he realized how it came about. Any other characters/”friends” who mentioned it invariably shared Dean’s viewpoint, which was actually disturbing on a lot of levels.

Dean then took on an actual world-destroying, brother-killing mark without hearing the Disclaimer, and the brothers scrambled to find a solution.

Lots of murder and mayhem (and more passive suicidal actions!!) later, the morally questionable sister of God was released.

In exactly which part of that could anyone claim that he was, emotionally, in a good place to form friendships without feeling crushing guilt and shame for exposing them to a world where he believed he’d inevitably be the cause of their death?

After all that (and more besides), Sam had a chance to be in a place, emotionally, where he could form friendships. What happened? (Spoiler alert: they died.) Magda Peterson and Eileen Leahy were two people he actually connected with on screen. Neither character is still alive.

And Missouri Moseley? Had an amazing and very noteworthy connection to Sam. They brought her back in s12 just to kill her, and she didn’t have a single moment of screentime with Sam.*disgruntled muttering*

And then there was Jack. The showrunners originally planned (or so I’ve heard—wish I could find the source, but until I do, please take that with a grain of salt) for Sam to be wrong about Jack, but apparently they changed it when they saw the audience response to Jack and Sam.

So they planned to Sever Another Sam Friendship By Death or Evilness.

So the reason Sam has fewer friendships than Dean?

In order: weird narrative trends, crippling fear and shame, and Death By Writer’s Questionable Whims.

Ugh, sorry. I digress.

Sam may see some of his suffering echoed in others, but there is absolutely no basis for people to claim that he “doesn’t give a damn” about others unless he sees himself in them. Firstly–and I already yelled about this in the post I linked above–common ground is literally one of the primary catalysts for starting conversations and forming relationships. Opposites may make an explosive combination sometimes, but finding common ground is absolutely central to forging lasting bonds. It has absolutely no bearing on Sam, and I am honestly surprised that anyone can find it reasonable to claim that Sam is self-absorbed, psychopathic, or lacking empathy (all accusations that have been brought to me before).

Trying to offer up evidence to the contrary would be ridiculous, because it’s there in every episode of every season of the show, and if there is anyone out there who does not see it, I truly don’t think my words would change a thing.

#aalkjalkjdalksjlaksdjlkajsldkj AHHHHHHHH #wank for ts #spnsamwinchester #sam winchester #bittersamgirlclub #sam defense #sam and mental health #sam and suicide #sam and fandom #my stuff #my meta #aghhhh sorry i rambled!!#mabelpewdie #semirah replies

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hisband · 5 years

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I’ve stayed quiet about this for too long now, and today I finally reached my limit.

If you interact with ifhollicould / heedingcalls / Summer, block me. I don’t want to see her, ever. She was, unfortunately, somebody I spent a year and a half of my time with (from spring 2016 to winter 2017, to be exact). During much of that time I knew something was wrong with our relationship, but kept convincing myself otherwise. I kept convincing myself that maybe I was overreacting to things - that maybe I was being unfair and selfish, for having needs that didn’t coincide with hers, or cater to hers - but that wasn’t the case at all. And if I knew then what I know now, I would’ve taken more screencaps to help document what I’m about to describe. I never would have gotten involved with her in the first place.

Trigger warning for misogyny, homophobia, lesbophobia & transphobia.

Shit Summer pulled during the time that I knew her includes:

Sending a friend of mine - a friend who happens to be a gay man, someone with no interest in women whatsoever - an unsolicited picture of her half-naked body in November of 2017.

Sending me text messages every day for a whole month (December 2017) after I asked her for some space after a family member died, clearly desperate for a response even though I’d already given her a valid reason as to why I wasn’t talking.

Sending me passive-aggressive texts whenever she saw me posting on the dash but not speaking to her, during the time period mentioned above.

Chasing me down after cutting ties with her last year, getting on anon and guilt-tripping me about the fact I left. Here’s the evidence.

Treating female characters like toys or sex objects (seriously, look at her blogs where she writes women - really look at the way she portrays them in her writing, how she goes out of her way to describe how ~dainty and delicate~ they are), or projecting herself onto her own female characters in order to act out the lustful feelings she has towards others’ muses, particularly of the male variety. I can’t tell you how many times she did that to me, which is a big part of the reason why I left a lot of my blogs from 2016 and 2017. Too many bad memories that literally ruined old muses of mine for me (or at least, writing them on this platform).

Ignoring my own female characters, because paying attention to them meant she had to take a break from wanking to the male characters (and our very few m/m ships!) for five minutes.

Having a very superficial interest in female characters and f/f ships. Happily gushing about het ships and fetishizing m/m ships, but losing interest in the subject the minute that lesbian couples entered the equation.

The very few times we did discuss f/f stuff, she described the characters involved as “sapphic babies”, effectively infantilizing them. (She also was uninterested in giving them complex storylines, on that note. Interesting.) M/M ships were “gay babies”, which is just as infantilizing and gross.

According to her logic, women are “the fairer sex” - a term that sure crops up a lot on her blogs! Okay, so…you’re implying that all women have vaginas, Summer? That having a vagina is inherently tied to being a woman? Sex and gender are not interchangeable terms.

The term “fairer sex” is also nasty because it inherently assumes that all women are these weak, feminized creatures, separate from men, less strong and less capable and less rugged and always “fairer” than them. Really interesting statement from somebody who preaches about what a feminist she is.

Which I guess would explain why she took such an issue with my character Ginger, whose behaviour did not line up with Summer’s views on what is traditionally feminine (she even called Ginger “butch” at one point, despite having no idea what that word actually means), but I digress. She’d also frequently reduce Ginger to her sexual orientation. At the time, I wrote Ginger as bisexual, so I guess Summer saw Ginger as “the aggressive girl who fucks other girls”.

As for the more personal shit involving why I cut ties with her!

A lot of it involved her possessive and territorial behaviour towards me, particularly towards the end of our friendship (which is exactly why I left). This started around the time I made Murdoc’s blog, became really active on him, began branching out and befriending other roleplayers, or reconnecting with friends I’d lost touch with. Prior to this incident, Summer and I spoke to each other on a daily basis; it was only towards the end that I began to feel very smothered by her presence. I felt as if I couldn’t go a moment without Summer wanting to know where I was and what I was doing. Summer constantly reminded me that she loved me and valued me as a friend - which I now recognize as a manipulation tactic to keep me by her side, and to make me feel guilty for having other relationships outside of her.

Which is really funny, because I tried on many occasions to get her involved with other peers of mine during the time that I knew her (so she wouldn’t feel left out), only for Summer to constantly decline, claiming those peers of mine were “better” than her and that she “wasn’t good enough to talk to them”. At the time, I thought that maybe it was her social anxiety. Now, looking back, it reads as yet another tactic of manipulation - a way of keeping me around her.

Summer would also frequently take her bad moods out on me, becoming hysterical over text messages and refusing to listen to reason and refusing to find constructive ways to work through her problems. I would frequently try to assure her that everything was going to be okay, only for Summer to brush me off. Those conversations usually went something like this:

Summer: This is making me upset. Me: Have you thought about doing A, B, or C? Summer: I’m going to go mope now.

It didn’t make me feel very good, and often made me feel like I was failing her as a friend. By the end of those conversations, I’d usually feel as drained, and my mood would be as miserable as hers was.

I often felt as if Summer domineered our conversations and the things we wrote about together. In all fairness, I have a very passive personality, and have a tendency to let others lead conversations. I don’t usually give input unless explicitly asked, or if I’m absolutely certain that my input won’t be ignored. I also have a history with allowing people to take their anger and grief out on me. This is something I’ve been actively been trying to work on. I do not want to put all the blame on Summer for all of that, but a large part of me still feels as if the very nature of my personality was preyed upon, and that Summer was manipulating me into doing what she wanted - both in and out of character.

Again, I wish I had more of the aforementioned evidence with me on hand, but I promise you. Go through Summer’s blogs and take a look for yourself. She hasn’t changed. A lot of what I’ve mentioned is still going on, and will continue to go on if someone doesn’t speak up against her.

This post is not an invitation to send hate to Summer, but to inform people of her past and ongoing behaviour so those who may be potentially affected can do what they need to in order to avoid her (blacklisting, unfollowing, blocking, etc). Ignore or disagree with me if you want - I’m merely giving my side of the story and sharing my experiences involving her, and trying to protect those who are at risk of being hurt.

#⇩ ▬ sᴜɴsʜɪɴᴇ ɪɴ ᴀ ʙᴀɢ ( ooc. )#long post /#negative /#drama /#callout /#namedrop /#homophobia /#transphobia /#lesbophobia /#misogyny /#anyways.#if you feel the need to unfollow or block me after this; that's fine #i mean it when i say i never want to see her on my dash ever again

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themikewheelers · 6 years

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So..have you noticed how it's become sort of like a trend to call mileven "toxic". I know you've talked about this before but I've seen it so much since then. People jumping on the "bash mileven" wagon. Most of them are byler (not all) shippers, and they always end their argument w/ "Mike should be with Will!!" Even some freaking "madwheeler" shippers.. lol what?? Sorry for ranting but it's just been annoying me greatly.

I’m gonna be honest I don’t really like talking about this stuff because it makes me uncomfortable, so if ideally people could not send a bunch of asks in response to this that’d be great lol, but here’s just the main arguments I always see for why Mileven is toxic and why they make no sense

1. “Eleven isn’t ready for a relationship after everything she’s been through.”

This one is absolutely a valid concern for their relationship. Mike and Eleven both are extremely traumatized, so of course that raises the question whether they’re both ready to handle a relationship. However, as of the canon show and what we’ve seen so far, there’s been nothing that shows or implies that their mental health is causing any problems in their relationship, or that their relationship is causing any problems for their mental health. Of course it’s a potential problem that could arise for them, but nothing that has happened in the show implies it and it’s not something that inherently will happen. There’s many mentally ill people in the world who feel like their illness limits their ability to hold a healthy relationship, but there’s also mentally ill people who are still capable of healthy relationships. For some mentally ill people, their relationships are actually really good for them and their health. Making generalizations that it’s impossible for either of them to handle a relationship after the things they’ve been through is not only false, but offensive to mentally ill people and trauma survivors.

This argument also, in my experience, goes hand in hand with people infantilizing El. They treat her as a toddler who doesn’t have any emotional maturity after the lab. I will just say this, we know next to nothing about what happened to El in the lab. She had a very sheltered life and as a result has many gaps in knowledge, but she also had 12 years worth of experiences in there she matured through. We don’t know exactly what happened to her, but she wasn’t just staring at a wall sucking her thumb for years. She is a very mature person for her age and she is not a toddler just because she doesn’t have the education most people her age do. We don’t know what happened to El in the lab, and we can’t make assumptions about it to try and prove a point.

2. “Jealousy makes for an unhealthily relationship”

Possessiveness is a sign of a toxic relationship. Excessive jealousy is a sign of a toxic relationship. Regular jealousy, however, is not. Every person on the planet gets jealous sometimes, in fact it’s a very healthy emotion in small doses, and at some point in every relationship jealousy will surface, whether small or large, because it is a natural unavoidable emotion. Eleven is a very insecure person, and after being separated from Mike for a year, she comes back to see him talking and laughing with another girl. I don’t think that kind of jealousy is a sign of a toxic relationship, I think that’s a pretty normal reaction from her and a lot of people would have felt the same. If that kind of jealousy became super prevalent or excessive or in any way became an influential part of their relationship, that would be toxic, but as of right now it’s nothing more than a one-time occurrence of a 13 year old girl feeling insecure as a normal reaction to her circumstances.

Also, I would make the argument that Eleven’s jealousy over Max isn’t purely romantic jealousy over Mike, but I discussed that more here

3. “Their relationship is too intense/dramatic.”

Mike and Eleven’s relationship, at least from what we’ve seen so far, is 100% very intense and dramatic. But that’s not exactly a toxic thing because there’s context behind it. In almost every single interaction we’ve seen them have, they’ve been plunged into various life-or-death situations where everything is intense. When you’re in that kind of high-stress situation, all emotions become more intense. So yes, when you look at Mike and El, during all the times they’ve almost died or lost each other, they’ve been very dramatic about their feelings. Dramatic emotions for a dramatic situation. But if you look at the times they’ve interacted where there is no dangerous life-or-death situation going on, they really are not that intense. Look at the Snow Ball, that’s one of the only scenes we get where the kids are in a normal, casual situation, and in it Mike and El are acting just like any other relationship between 13 year olds. Obviously if the two of them were all “I can’t lose you again” or “I never gave up on you” in a casual everyday basis, that would be weirdly intense, but there’s nothing unhealthy about acting emotional in an emotional situation.

4. “They’re too clingy/attached/dependent and being separated caused Mike to go into a bad place”

This one kind of goes along with the last one, but it all comes down to the context. Yes, when Mike and El were separated it really messed them both up a lot, but I wouldn’t say that’s toxic because it makes sense for their situation. From El’s perspective, she’s been in total isolation for almost a year. She hasn’t been able to leave a small 2-room cabin in the woods for months, only interacting with one other person, who’s gone most days anyway. Of course it starts to drive her a little up the wall, and of course she’s going to miss her best friend. Then from Mike’s perspective, he thought El was dead. In fact, he thought he watched her die. Grief really messed him up in season 2. It didn’t help that he didn’t even know if she was actually dead or not, and that obscurity is what led to him doing stuff like calling out for her just in case she was alive. Mike was absolutely a mess in s2, but that wasn’t because El was gone, it was because he was in grief over the fact that she was presumed dead. Those are not the same things. If going into grief when someone you care about dies means you’re dependent on them, then sure, Mike is dependent on El. And honestly, I’d make the argument that Mike’s depression in season 2 was not solely a result of losing El. It was also a result of a lot of trauma, along with the stress of having to keep it a secret and therefore not being able to process it.

Again, context is important. El didn’t just hop on a bus and go, “Bye Mike I’ll see you in a year!” She literally exploded in front of him, and then had to go into total isolation for months and months. If in future seasons when things return to a more casual and normal setting Mike and El are still super clingy and attached, then that would be a cause for concern, but them acting that way in the context of s2? 100% normal (and healthy)

Mike and El’s relationship, at least from what we’ve seen now, is not toxic. Maybe in the future it will become unhealthy, but there is the potential for that in all relationships on the planet. No relationship is 100% perfect and they all have the potential for problems because people themselves are not perfect, and everyone has their rough edges that can cause problems when trying to form a life with someone, there’s not such thing as two people being a “perfect fit.” But that is not the same thing as toxic. Nothing in Mike and El’s present relationship has shown that they are in anyway unhealthy or damaging to each other. Arguments like this do nothing but belittle actual toxic relationships. Posts about it really are nothing but parts of petty “ship wars” or people feeling threatened that a ship they dislike is popular, but there’s lines not to cross, and throwing around labels like that meaninglessly crosses them.

But on a more positive note I’ll just say this. Mike and Eleven’s relationship has been built on three key factors: commitment, honesty, and loyalty. They’ve been shown to be completely supportive of one another and want nothing but to ensure the other’s safety and happiness. Beyond just having good chemistry, the two of them have demonstrated having a surprisingly healthy and mature relationship for their age through their dedication to one another.

#stranger things #stranger analysis

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msexplorer · 5 years

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"In my last energy update, I discussed the numerical signs and synchronicities that confirm you are aligned with and entering the 11:11 portal. Such signs included seeing 1111 on license plates, 11:11 on clocks, any repeating numbers, as well as ascending sequences, such as 123, 456, or 789. These signs indicate that your inherent spiritual impulse has been initially awakened leading you on a journey to return into full alignment with the light and embody your soul as an anchor of 5D unity consciousness.

It is important to note, this process of spiritual evolution is an energetic rite of passage. It unfolds uniquely for each of us when we have evolved to a point of readiness and not a matter of reward or punishment of any kind. As this process unfolds, you play an essential role in helping it unfold with the utmost ease, grace, compassion, and joy. We cannot ever stop this process, although we are capable of slowing it down to an agonizing pace, until our choices match up with the inner wisdom of our soul’s essence.

Since we know the numerical sequences signify a preparation toward 11:11 portal entry, what are some of the symptoms that occur as you enter it?

The 4 Stages of Clearing

There are 4 key stages we pass through as we move through the 11:11 portal. Each one stripping away layers of the old carbon-based DNA, clusters of limiting beliefs, and clearing out imprints of outdated cellular memory. These 4 stages are actually emotional states that orbit our experiences, clearing out each layer of 3D debris, until we are aware of their highest purpose and can meet each one with respect, acceptance, gratitude, and honor. These 4 stages are: loneliness, boredom, frustration, and confusion.

From a 3D perspective, it is believed that circumstances in our outside world, such as people places, and things cause us to feel the way we do. From a 5D perspective, everything in physical form is triggering in us all the aspects of our soul’s evolutionary process to clear out and activate what each of us brought into this lifetime to resolve for our own journey, as well as a living contribution toward healing and awakening the collective consciousness.

Imagine: you are going about your day, feeling various patterns of confusion, frustration, loneliness, and boredom, only assigning personal meaning to the characters or circumstances in view, unaware how these specific feelings indicate an advancement out of 3D consciousness and into a new dimension occurring through the 4th dimension of time.

Dispelling Some of the Myths that Impede Our Flow

Let us take a moment to dispel a few myths to allow our entry into the 5th dimension to be as smooth and exciting as possible. Many spiritual seekers believe that processes such as these only happen to those who live on their best behavior. While it is true that fully aligned souls embody a frequency of empathy, compassion, vulnerability, and love that remains ever-present and unwavering once embodied and integrated, it is unnecessary to work so hard to be a certain way, as if your soul’s journey is an obstacle course.

As we’ve come to know, the way we heal the layers of conditioning and imprinting within ourselves is by being emotionally triggered. The purpose isn’t trying to be trigger-free and above our experiences, but to develop such conscious relationships with each feeling that anything we feel on the inside doesn’t cause us to lash out toward others on the outside.

As we shift from 3D to 5D consciousness, there may still be disappointment, heartbreak, grief, and sadness, but our inner pain doesn’t instigate us into projecting our pain onto others. In other words, as we evolve, our hurt doesn’t motivate us to hurt others. Instead, we are willing to take the time to go within, honor each feeling, as a milestone in our evolutionary process by breathing through each emotional wave and loving our hearts to the best of our ability.

Another myth is imagining we are supposed to feel good all the time as we evolve from one dimension to another. While there can be bursts of joy and moments of clarity and renewed passion, these act as sneak previews of how life will be, once we’ve fully integrated our new 5D crystalline DNA into physical form.

Its not that we have to be in pain in order to evolve, as much as pain represents a potent energetic expansion underway that we are often viewing from just a physical or emotional perspective. As we evolve, we still care for our bodies and seek medical care when necessary, while learning how each health scare, emotional outburst, change in life direction, and relationship represents the unfolding of a greater cosmic journey.

While there is always a deeper spiritual reason why everything happens, another myth is trying to quickly learn as much as you can, hoping to not repeat our most uncomfortable experiences. While we are destined to learn from each outcome to inspire higher forms of wisdom to motivate more empowered choices, it only occurs when we approach each moment with earnestness, authenticity, humility, and transparency. The Universe knows when an ego’s agenda is to manipulate the soul’s learning curve to avoid the anticipation of future pain, which acts as a tell-tale sign of the ego’s inner fight as it gradually surrenders through this process.

Another myth is believing you are capable of surrendering your ego, which only creates more of an inner battle between fragmented parts. Instead, you are the space of eternal light, whose unconditional love gives the ego permission to recognize that it is safe to let go of you and enter the doorway of light back to Source.

And, one of the biggest myths of all, is believing entry points into 5D consciousness require a grandiose external mystical experience to confirm its arrival. In both 3D, 4D, and 5D, the physical body exists within the existence of time and space. The difference being, in 3D, you perceive yourself as a person in time surrounded by space. In 5D, you are the spacious witness or inner observer experiencing life as a person throughout a journey of time. The body may be rooted in time, but the inner observer or spacious witness is beyond the dimension of time.

A Journey Through Time to Discover the Timeless

Each of your sensory experiences occur in time. Every outcome, sensation, or change can be correlated to occurring at certain measurable moments. All the while, the one on the inside who sees, feels, hears, and knows all that occurs in time is not existing in time at all. Ironically, it is a journey of time that helps awaken the recognition that you are the timeless within and throughout it all.

This indicates how the journey from 3D to 5D is adjusting to life at a higher altitude of consciousness, where we are no longer searching for the light, but the light within our bodies experiencing its journey of evolution from a more conscious and timeless perspective. Even if these words inspire any degree of frustration, boredom, loneliness, or confusion, it is purposefully happening by the Universe to help you clear deeper layers as you move through the 4th dimension of time and adjust to life from a 5D perspective.

Passing through the 4 stages of boredom, loneliness, frustration, and confusion to release outdated carbon-based DNA, limiting clusters of beliefs, and outdated cellular memories is a journey known as dark night of the soul. In my next energy update, I will outline dark night of the soul in explicit detail. For many of us, we’ve been in the depths of this process for quite some time and are now completing this process to adjust to 5D reality, much like learning to breathe at a higher altitude where the air is thinner.

Experiencing Psychic Burnout

When we are making our way out of dark night of the soul and entering the new altitude of 5D consciousness, we are likely to experience the profound exhaustion of what I call psychic burnout. From this space, energy is limited, sleep is disturbed, and motivation may feel at a standstill. During this phase of initiation, we may not seem to perceive much guidance or inner direction; unsure who we are, where to go, or what to do.

This is because due to the amount of clearing and expanding occurring during the dark night of the soul phase, our bodies needs to rest, recharge, and rejuvenate, in order to build up the inner chi energy to activate our new crystalline DNA. This is much like a newborn wondering who it is, what it’s purpose is, what it should do, and where it should go, unaware that it must grow through stages of infancy before anything else can be known or revealed.

Psychic burnout is a time to slow down the pace of our lives, especially slowing down the way we approach spiritual evolution. Instead of trying to race to the finish line out of fear of missing a window of opportunity or being left behind, we allow each moment to be as intentional, and deliberately aligned with our highest wisdom, as we move through time and space as authentically and openly as possible. It is a time where our immune systems are rebooted into 5D reality, as our adrenals get repaired to be uplifted by 5D light frequencies, instead of short circuited. Most importantly, it is where our subconscious minds learn to recognize 5D reality as familiar instead of foreign, which gives our nervous systems permission to welcome 5th dimensional experiences of unity consciousness into our awareness.

This is truly the most exciting time to be alive and it is my honor to use the power of my healing transmission to radically transform your journey, so we can each experience the absolute bliss and holy perfection of our soul in human form. We cannot look at the political landscape or even the mentality of the world to know how much evolution is taking place. We can only look at ourselves to recognize the process underway, while learning how to be the most loving, patient, and faithful ally to our own awakening process.

Our brand-new beginning is here. This is where we step into our highest purpose of being and have a lot of fun along the way."

- Matt Kahn

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