#for now i reread his look back one shot and cry ab it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

introloves · 3 years

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anon: okay so i just went through (the entirety) of your bokuto tag and lemme just say, boxer! bokuto??? yeah top tier. you just KNOW that every time he wins he wraps that medal round your neck and makes you watch in the mirror as he uses it to choke you and keep your head up and eyes on his while he absolutely rails you. shit after fights you’d look just as bruised as him.

— boxer! bokuto + marking + choking + pain + possessive! bokuto + overstimulation + size kink + bokuto calls reader ‘puppy’ + cream pie + f! reader

— word count; 2k

— boxerverse! bokuto: one shot no. 2

he’s trembling, high strung with the adrenaline that still hasn’t left him. it’s funny seeing him whine for your attention, someone so big and muscular like him looking absolutely destroyed when you give him a stern look against his kisses.

it’s so very apparent in the way he handles you that hes looking at you to help him come down.

“bo, calm down.” you pant, trying to push his hands away, its a futile attempt to keep his wandering fingers away from your pants. its like he’s magnetized to the waistband of them, digits twitch when you slap them down.

he’s big, strong, a finely tuned machine built for taking hits and giving them back like a bullet but your rejection makes him pout.

there’s a twist of pain in your chest when he gets like this, but he needs to rest.

despite everything, he acts like its just been another day, but it hasn’t even been two hours since his last fight. theres a bruise painting his lip, another one against his brow, red splotches litter his sides and stomach but he shakes your prying hands off thick wrists, fingers hooking into your waistband and pulling them down to your thighs. he looks up at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes ever. waiting for the okay he knows is inevitably going to come.

“fine, but if i see you wince, we’re stopping.” you sigh, smiling at the absolute beam of teeth and curled lips he gives you.

he’s so fast, peeling off every bit of clothing you had worn tonight. he had to have you, needed it like he needed that win.

a win that he already has, now he just needs you.

you cant deny that his excitement isn’t making you wet, he’s like a god above you, vying for your attention and body. he was truly glorious tonight, muscles taut and coiled as he bounced along the white canvas. biceps curled and ready for his opening to land one of his signature right hooks. he takes every hit against his body like it’s nothing, completely unfazed by his opponent. at one point during the match he taunted them, dropping his arms and baring his teeth, just waiting for the fight to truly get good. it makes you squirm, he could be so intimidating, watching like a predator for any opening, any hole in the opponents defense.

your body flushes in memory of watching him land that final hit, he sees the way your thighs squish together. groaning at the thought that your body was responding to his advances, surely knowing by memory how good he fucks you.

your bo always looks so strong and powerful. no matter where he is, whether he’s fighting or when he’s trapping you against those strong arms.

it makes you sigh at the pure determination he’s dripping in, rolling your eyes as he gives you a once over, wiggling his eyebrows at you, torso stretching to reach something from the bedside table, canines flashing as he shows you his newest trophy. its a devious look, proud eyes glinting down at you.

you feel that you can read his mind, about to tell him that, no you won’t fuck him while he’s wearing it, but he lowers it over your head, giving you a bigger smile as the heavy and cold metal lands right between your tits.

“that looks real good on you.” he finally says, abs contracting with the pangs of arousal crawling up his neck. he flinches just a bit at the soreness there, he’s a little more beat up than usual, but hides it well. if there’s anything he needs other than rest, its to fuck you dizzy.

he thinks he might be a total meat head with just how much he likes the image of you wearing something he worked so hard to win, a primal heat licking at the arousal also flaring inside him. you’re really truly his, bokuto can see it in your eyes, regarding him like hes strung the moon up in the sky.

you belong to him, just as he does you. just like that shiny medal you’re wearing.

the bed creaks under his weight when he leans down to kiss you, hand grabbing your face, keeping you right where he wants you. tongue immediately slipping past your lips, pulling a cute whine. he’s sloppy with it, teeth bumping against your own, spit trailing down the corner of both your mouths. when he pulls away, your eyes cross to watch the string of spit connecting the both of you.

he swipes his tongue out and catches it, mumbling something when he sees you reach for him.

“sit back.” you realize he says a little late, snapped out of the haze by the gentle tap of his index finger against your cheek.

koutarou makes a show to peel the rash guard he was wearing under his shorts off. his creamy, muscled thighs finally grace your vision. it makes your body temperature rise several degrees at once, the hot flash only encouraged when you see his dick lying pretty against his thigh. you reach for him, but the advance is stopped by his hands, he doesnt say anything but grips your wrists a little tighter.

your gaze moves from his purpled knuckles up to his eyes, the amber there looks just a tad bit cooler and you immediately know it’s going to be a bad day for you tomorrow.

“want you on your tummy.” bokuto states, and you listen.

waiting for his hands to grip your hips, but he lags just a little. turning your head to look at him you ask if everything’s okay,

“you remember our safe word?” he inquires, and you nod, blanching just a little. his words send a prickle of fear down your spine, you suddenly feel very vulnerable and exposed.

“well, what is it?”

bokutos hand comes down to grip your shoulder, huffing against your ear. theres a small pull there, bringing your shoulders back to meet him halfway.

“j-juice.”

he’s right there, waiting for the last syllable to leave your lips, poking the head of his dick against your cunt. it leaves you breathless, smooth, velvet skin leaving a wet trail of precum right on your clit.

it makes you exhale out a high pitched keen, unable to stop it from tumbling out a little louder than expected.

the whine has him purring, humming out a, “good girl.”

there’s nothing in the world that you can compare the way he splits you open. the first stroke is always careful, makes sure youre nice and relaxed, wet enough to take him. you always are of course, how could you not with the way he holds you, pulling you back by your shoulders, making your back bend as much as it can, the twist of your body like that makes for a real tight squeeze, feels like the already limited room inside your cunt is cut back to an absolute zero.

it should hurt, but you’ve taken him enough that hes practically carved the shape of him into your pussy.

he has you nice and compliant under his hands, head thrown back to leave the most fucked out sounds of pure ecstasy rattle through your lungs and into the room.

he can feel the chemistry, something akin to electricity, between the two of you. if he could form into words what its like when you lean agasint him, completely trusting him to take care of you, to make you feel good, he’d fill a book up- and pocket it to reread over and over.

bokuto releases you, letting your shoulders fall forward gently before reaching around and pulling the, now, warm metal from between your body and the bed.

it catches you by surprise when he gives it a tug, the silk cutting into your prominent veins, making you go weak and dizzy.

if you couldn’t think or talk before he was doing this, you definitely weren’t going to be able to while he was.

your hands find the pillows above you for leverage, biting down onto your lip when he begins a brutal pace against your hips. hes pinned you down onto the bed with his mass, not even letting you arch your hips to give him better access to your cunt.

“ghh, kou- kou feels good.” you cry, taking an index finger into your mouth to bite, theres not a spot on your body where you dont feel him, so big above you, you can feel the press of his dick in your throat.

“i know it does puppy.” he grits out, still biting back the pain that each brutal contact against your body brings him. hes got the stamina, the sweat hes broken out thus far isnt too bad, but the position and the way hes taking you- hand still holding onto that precious medal- is taking a toll on him.

he knows he needs to make you cum fast.

and knowing his sweet baby, the way to do that is to rough you up just a bit. it’s real endearing.

the silk burns just a little when he shifts behind you, making sure to keep a good grip on it- you dont connect the dots of what hes preparing to do, not until he pulls back.

you’re mid scream before he cuts you off, tears forming in your eyes against the rasp and wheeze of your breathing. the tension around your throat isnt forceful enough to cut your oxygen off completely, it just leaves you wheezing and gives you a nice haze to your vision.

you’ve tensed up completely, knees locking, hands gripping the pillow above you for dear life.

the reaction from you makes him shake, you can feel the stutter of his hips, hearing the high whine leave his throat, he powers through it. he clashes his teeth together and snarls, blinking back stars when he speeds up.

“c’mon, cum. cum for me, puppy.” bokuto grunts.

its not like you to not listen, as soon as his words leave his mouth, you’re closing your eyes.

you’ve gone limp for a second, and bokuto truly fears that hes overdone it, he drops the grip he has on his trophy, about to stop everything, but then your tremors start.

your legs, still pinned down between his own, shake. he sees your cute little hands slap the pillow and swallows deeply. you’re silent- but he can hear the echoes of moans that want to leave your throat thanks to your open mouth and head that’s thrown back. it takes you two seconds before you seem to flicker back to life,

“ghhhh, hhhh! koutarou, kou!” his name is the first coherent thing that leaves your mouth, and he swears there’s nothing better. he cant compare you to winning a match, knocking out his opponent in a KO- because seeing you like this, hearing you scream his name like that would win every time.

he’d like to comment on how eagerly you’re milking his cock, but the pulsing of your cunt around his fat, big dick does him in.

there’s no time to pull out, wasn’t planning on it anyways, but the squeezing of you againts him, leaking your cum down to the base of him, wetting his pubes with you, also leaves no room for it.

it’s obscene, the squelching sounds of his pistoning, cumming cock, creaming your insides white, all the while pushing it out of your cunt with every thrust.

it splatters against your ass and his thighs, white globs of it stick against the two of you while he rides out the throbbing. there’s nothing more satisfying than filling you up, a deep tingle nipping at the base of his skull when he thinks about his cum kept warm in your cunt.

this is what finally tires him out. the tremor and twitching of his strong arms visible when he reaches down and pulls his limp dick from you, he saves you the pain of his weight crushing against your already fragile body by plopping down beside you, you jump up on the bed with the force of his weight collapsing beside you.

the sticky heat is no match for his eagerness to hold you after it all. you slot against his front easily, almost completely dwarfed by his frame.

“‘re you proud ‘fme.” he slurs against your neck, trapping his thigh between your legs. he shivers when he feels the mess of his own cum smear absolutely everywhere.

your hand comes down to rest over his arms, protectively secured around your torso.

“always. i love you so much.” you whisper back, voice just a tiny bit raspy and sore.

“mm, loveyoumore.”

he’s out before you can count to ten, hearing you say that puts a smile on his face while his breathing evens out behind you.

you take the lightest of touches to the bruises on his knuckles, your koutarou truly was something else. while he sought out your validation, you basked in the glory and security of someone as grand as him holding you tight.

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donald4spiderman · 3 years

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Ok hear me out. Spencer is dating Reader and she’s always hated that she’s been more chubby/curvy. And one night in the middle of a case she calls him crying and Spencer just gets really soft and calms her down after a bad nightmare. And his heart breaks cause his loving girlfriend hates her body. So Spencer plans this elaborate date and proposes maybe? You can decide if the team have met her or not. I’d like it to be the original team but if you wanna combine the original and new teams together that’s cool too!

no bc my body image issues have been rampant lately so this is personal as hell to me. I work out a lot and i’m fit but i’ve never been SKINNY like i have thick legs and muscular arms andnnfnfjndjnffn so this is personal.

I modified this a bit but it’s still the same premises hope you like it! ***BTW IN THIS UNIVERSE THE S3-7 CAST EXISTS FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW— SO THE LATER SEASONS HAVE MORGAN AND HOTCH.

also sorry this is a long

TW: body image issues, discussions of food & weight, insecurity, crying, kissing

WC: 1.5k

You know, pragmatically, that you have nothing to worry about. Spencer chose you. And for the past four years, Spencer has worshipped you every day— again and again. He is the most loving, considerate, and tender partner you could ever wish for. He is near perfection.

You’ve met Spencer's friends many times. You’re not close with either of your parents, so the team of profilers welcomed you into their arms with grace and care. Each and every one of them is beautifully amazing and exceptionally brilliant.

Spencer‘s friends are not only badass, but they’re also gorgeous. JJ, Emily, and Garcia are national treasures— so visually stunning it’s almost sickening.

You knew he used to have a crush on JJ way before he met you. You’ve also heard the tale of Lila Archer, the celebrity actress who made out with your boyfriend in a pool. Spencer’s had an eventful life, full of beautiful, sweet, magnificent women— so why does he choose you?

You view yourself as bland in comparison. What do you have to offer Spencer that he can’t find elsewhere? You don’t have toned abs, slim hips, and slender arms. You’re not striking in any way.

Spencer calls you every night when he’s away on a case. He’s never missed a call, even when he got shot in the neck and kidnapped by a murderous cult. He’s reliable and consistent, and that eases your worries a little bit.

It’s eleven pm in D.C. and your phone rings right as your getting in bed.

“Hi, my love,” Spencer says breathily, his voice slightly muffled by the phone. He’s away in Ohio for a case.

“Hey.” You reply, the sweetness in his voice soured by your mood. “How’s the case going?”

“Good. JJ and I are about to pass out in our beds— we’re so tired.”

You can’t help the way your face drops. “Oh. Well, get rest.”

Your about to hang up before he interjects. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Why?” You know better than to lie to your boyfriend, who happens to be an expert on human behavior.

“Okay, I know a lie when I hear one. (Y/N), baby, what’s wrong?” He pleads.

You can’t help the tear that rolls down your cheek. “God, I’m sorry. I just miss you so much. You always know what to do when I’m feeling like shit.”

Spencer knows how much you struggle with self and bodily acceptance. He hates the world for making you feel anything less than incredible, both inside and out.

“I miss you too, so much, (Y/N).” His voice is thick as if he’s going to start crying too. “I love you so much, so fucking much. You have no idea how beautiful and amazing you are.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” He laughs through a sob that wrecks his body. “You deserve everything in this world. I promise to give you everything you’ve ever wanted. You are the love of my life.”

You wipe the tears from underneath your eyes. “Sorry for keeping you up. You must be tired.”

“Never, if it means I get to talk to you.”

“I love you, Spencer.”

“I love you too, (Y/N). More than you’ll ever know.”

Spencer wakes up the next day with a newfound determination. The team solves the case as fast as possible, and by the end of the night, they’ve boarded the jet back home.

Spencer has more than enough hours to think about you and how much you mean to him. Hotch is seated directly across from him, rereading the case files.

“Hotch?” The wiser man looks up from his files, raising an eyebrow.

Spencer pauses for a moment. Maybe he’d be better asking Morgan or JJ for advice, considering Hotch’s tragic circumstances regarding Haley.

But no one loves like Hotch does-- sincerely, passionately-- stronger than anything else in the world. Spencer decides there’s no one better to ask.

“How uh did you know that Haley was the one?”

Hotch’s eyes soften for a bit. He clears his throat. “I knew since the day I met her that I would love her for the rest of my life unconditionally. She makes me complete. Do you feel that (Y/N) makes you complete?”

He already knows why Spencer is asking for his advice, steering the conversation in that direction.

“Yes. She’s my world.” Spencer whispers.

“Then it’s simple, really. Love doesn’t need to be complicated and precise. It’s what you do with it that matters.”

“I want to marry her, Hotch. I want to be with her for the rest of my life.”

Hotch smiles, “Then do it.”

Spencer feels the rush of excitement as he gathers everyone on the jet, including the prior sleeping passengers, filling them in on his big plans.

“I need all of your guys’ help.”

There’s a firm knock on your door at four in the morning. You know it isn’t Spencer because he has a key, but who could it be?

You take a cautious look out of your peephole to find Penelope, Emily, and JJ outside.

“What are you guys doing here?” You yawn. “For god's sake, it’s four am.”

“We know, and we’re sorry.” Penelope smiles.

“Is Spencer alright?” You ask, wondering if things suddenly went wrong during the case.

But by the joyous look on their face, you know nothing somber occurred.

“Spencer’s completely fine. But, we need to you to get changed and come with us. FBI’s orders.” JJ chuckles.

You change into warmer clothes in minutes, and the BAU ladies usher you into Emily’s car as fast as possible.

“So, no ones gonna tell me what’s going on?”

They shake their heads, “We’re just... running a quick errand.”

After a few more minutes of driving, Emily parks on the side of a dimly lit street.

“I need you to put this on.” She says, holding up a blindfold.

“Are you guys gonna murder me?” You joke, slipping the fabric over your eyes with little resistance.

“Quite the opposite, actually.” You don’t have time to think about what Penelope means before you’re being yanked out of the car.

You walk, guided by JJ, for four minutes. The grass beneath you crushes below your boots, and the hushed whispers of Emily and Penelope behind you do nothing to calm your nerves.

“Okay,” JJ says, halting to a stop. “You can take off your blindfold now.”

You hesitantly slip the blindfold off, revealing a brightly lit table in the middle of a secluded field. Morgan, Hotch, and Rossi are standing off to the sides.

Suddenly, Spencer emerges from behind a tree, dusting the leaves and dirt off his adorable sweater.

“Hi?” You laugh, utterly confused by this situation. “What’s going on?”

His hands are shaking, and he has to swallow a few times before he can speak. “I-I uh got y-you apple pie— uh your favorite.”

Spencer walks you towards the table, where a small slice of warm pie sits lonely on the table.

“Y-you should um... eat it.” He urges, pointing at the knife and fork next to it.

You glance around, trying to gauge the emotions of everyone around you, but fail. Stupid profilers and their poker faces.

Your fork cuts into the heavenly smelling pie, and you scoop up a bite into your mouth.

“It’s... good? I’ll pretty much eat any pie you give me, Spencer.”

He smiles, “I know that. But t-this is a special pie.”

“Okay...”

“You should t-take a closer look— at the pie.”

You inspect the dessert, completely puzzled until a glinting piece of silver catches your eye. Spencer notices the shock in your face and catches the plate that almost falls out of your hand.

Morgan hands him a napkin, and when Spencer pulls an apple-covered ring from the slice of pie, you almost faint.

“No way.” You gasp; tears spring to your eyes as Spencer wipes the ring clean.

He holds it tightly between two fingers, bending to kneel on one knee.

“(Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), I knew from the moment I met you that you were the most special woman I’d have the pleasure of meeting. A month later, you asked me out for our first date, and I couldn’t believe that someone as gorgeous and amazing as you would settle for someone like me.” You scoff at his humility.

“I spend every moment loving every part of you, (Y/N). None of my love will ever stop— ever. I promise to share my heart with you until the very end. There is absolutely no one I would rather be bonded to for the rest of my life. You are better than my dream girl because you’re real. You’re here, and you chose to love me every day— the good, the bad, and the ugly. (Y/N), will you do me the honor and great privilege of allowing me to become your husband?” You silently sob.

“Please say yes.” Spencer smiles.

“Yes!” You exclaim, pulling him up to hug him. “How could I say anything but!”

The dam breaks, and the entire team begins to cry as you and Spencer share a passionate kiss, almost collapsing down onto the grass from the sheer force of your love. He slips the ring onto your finger; it belongs there.

“I choose you, (Y/N).” He repeats.

“I choose you, Spencer, always.” You whisper into the crook of his neck.

Nothing’s ever felt so right.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #sub!spencer #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #dr reid #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds smut #spence #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfic

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ofmermaidstories · 3 years

Note

Gosh u make bakugo so in character it’s insane! Also do u have any fic recs?

Thank-you!! 🥺🌷🍊 we love that gremlin in this house. and i do!! i do have fic recs!! Are we looking for Bakugou/Reader spefific ones, or do we wanna branch out? I’ll keep it to Bakugou/Reader for the most part, unless an author I’m mentioning does another fic that I particular love. The following are some of my absolute favourites — I’ve reread them over, and over again, though they are, by no means, the end of my faves or recommendeds.

Explicit/Mature content warning, for most of these!!

from @makoodles, we have —

in bloom

general

Kirishima/Reader, one-shot

Your ground-floor apart is an oasis of plants and greenery that attracts the admiration of a local Pro Hero, on his way back and forth to work, everyday.

(this is so, so incredibly perfect — it is one of my all-time favourites, and is the reason i knew i wanted to write a flower-shop AU)

darling it’s better (down where it’s wetter)

explicit

Mermaid!Bakugou/Reader, one-shot

You’re caring for your Uncle-Not-Uncle Aizawa, in his sea-side home... and one day, you take the boat out. Downside: you very nearly drown in the following storm. Plus-side: You meet a merman! Who is kinda terrifying, not gonna lie.

(one of the first Bakugou/Reader fics I ever read — without having seen anything of the manga or show LMAO. Really set the bar, not gonna lie)

how to set fires by @hawnks

explicit

Bakugou/Reader, one-shot

You’re one of Bakugou’s early rescues; he never quite lets go of the feel of your hands grasping at him as you let yourself cry. And then one day you appear in his life again — as Kaminari’s assistant/best friend.

(GOD, this fic!! This fic. When it dropped I read it once, then went back and re-read it, and then immedately SCREAMED at my group chat - filled with my non-BNHA stan friends - about it, that is how good it is. Everything Hawnk’s writes has this like... trademark tenderness, it’s lovely, and the fact that Hawnk’s blesses us with it for Bakugou is just,,,, chef’s kiss.)

mine by @some-kindofgnome

explicit

Bakugou/Reader, one-shot

Bakugou has always needed to be the best; he shows you exactly how, after a Gala leaves him with nothing but his jealousy.

(It’s a PWP, but it’s very good,,, especially when it feeds us possessive, angry Bakugou.)

the sun has not yet fallen by @saintdabi

teen and up, angst

Bakugou/Reader, one-shot

You just want a little bit of the old Bakugou — he just wants some space. Frustrations bubble over, and things are said.

(I near cried LOL. I think it’s a very, very, realistic look at what it would be like, being with someone like Katsuki, who also works a high-pressure job — and the kind of fights that’d cause, when they can’t gvie as much of themselves to you as you want. It hurts, it hurts, but the first step is acknowledging the problem.)

now, @andypantsx3 is a fantastic source of BNHA/reader, lmao, and I couldn’t choose one so we have —

war paint

mature

Bakugou/Reader, chapters

Set in the same AU as Andi’s Cinderella Todoroki/Reader retelling, you’re the only child of a desperate family — so, in order to make enough coin to save the family farm, you disguse yourself as a man and join the Kingsguard. Pity Captain Bakugou is a suspicious piece of shit.

(one of the first of Andi’s I ever read, absolutely immersive.)

ab intra

mature

Shinsou/Reader, chapters

Someone is using their Quirk to hurt people, and you, a city detective, are at your wits end — and then in walks the secretive, wicked underground Pro Hero Hitoshi Shinsou. He’s obnoxious as all hell — and hiding something, something that could be important to this very deadly case.

(Apart from the trademark Andi steaminess, there’s a very real thread in this about trust, and what it means, and I find it lovely, set admist the suspense and excitement that it is)

cover shot (through the heart)

mature

Bakugou/Reader, chapters

You’re the well-paid but overworked assistant of one Bakugou Katsuki, model and international - and beautiful - meance. For four years he hasn’t been able to chase you away — and then he discovers a weakness of yours, wielding it with knife-like precision.

(Fucking hilarious. Between this and darling it’s better (down where it’s wetter) I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that much over a fic. I really admire humour in writing because it’s not a thing i can capture, LOL. But I’ve always enjoyed Andi’s Bakugou, because he is smart, and dangerous and sexy — and decisive in what he wants)

Bonus mention:

I Melt With You by art_deco_deity

NOT RATED

Bakugou/Reader, chapters

You’re a nurse who can take on other’s pain. Bakugou Katsuki crash lands on your balcony, and is, unfortunately, in a lot of pain.

(I’m still making my way through this, but ADD’s Bakugou is rough, mean — compelling. Reader wants to help, but often finds their buttons pushed)

there’s so many good fics out there!! these were a really, really select few that i enjoy. feel free to suggest others!!!

#ofmermaidstories-asks #fic rec #people are clever and create amazing things: writer’s edition #please read these some of these fics are the reason why i even tried writing mine tbh

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longinglook · 4 years

Text

here’s my one big post about the episode which, spoiler alert, I hated and I will not be giffing for a while

I don’t even know where to start but I’ll try to follow what happens in the episode.

I can’t believe they thought any of this would make sense. First we have Tutor who decides that the best way to make sure Fighter understands they are over is to use his student to make him jealous?

This is so unlike Tutor, I feel like he would not be the one to use people to get back at someone. I think both Tutor and Fighter were written horribly in this episode and this is where it shows that they just needed an excuse to make Fighter mad/jealous to somehow “justify” his actions.

It blows my mind how this scene wasn’t even in the nvel, someone thought it would be a great addition and nobody was against it. I am speechless. I’m still going with my theory that the Fighter we’ve seen so far is a better version of the Fighter they were writing, because that ep. 6 deleted scene proved that the Fighter they had in mind is jealous and possessive and handsy. So I guess for them this kind of behavior makes sense, but for us it doesn’t fit with what we’ve seen of Fighter so far.

I hated every second of the scene. I don’t care if Tutor kisses back, I don’t care if Fighter stops. It’s not consensual, Tutor just laying there destroyed me, it was awful to watch and it went way too far. The struggle in the hallway was so bad, you can clearly tell Tutor is 100% not on board with whatever is going on. Fighter pushing up his shirt was insanely hard to look at, but when he went for his zipper I almost stopped watching completely. The one thing I will comment on is how Fighter stopped because of what Tutor said. He didn’t stop because he was pushed away, he didn’t stop because Tutor said “stop”, he stopped because Tutor asked him if he was satisfied enough, as if he was asking him how much further he intended to go. I think it’s interesting how that’s when Fighter snaps out of it and realizes what he’s doing.

Tutor clearly states at the start of the scene that he is not okay with it, he tries to break free of Fighter’s hold and tries to push him away. When he stops struggling it’s not because he’s okay with it. That is not consent. He stops struggling because he knows it’s pointless. It’s awful to look at the way Fighter kisses down his chest while Tutor just stays still. if you’ve seen the other episodes you know how a consenting Tutor looks like, and it is NOT like this.

I can’t believe they didn’t include a single apology there. Not once does Fighter say I’m sorry. He basically says “I did this because you made me mad” which is victim blaming and it made me so sick. This whole jealousy thing was so pointless, considering that one of the two instances where it happens was cut from the show. From now on I’m going to pretend that the episode starts with Fighter crying on the floor and telling Tutor how long he’s loved him. I am so mad at how things went, because the following conversation was actually good. The flashbacks to their first meeting were great, there were some added shots of Fighter already looking so in love, and I can’t believe it had to happen after that mess. I wish they could have just made Fighter get drunk and go beg Tutor to get back together. It could have worked much better. I can’t believe they thought going this far would be okay or interesting.

Honestly I have no clue what happens after. All I remember is that the next time they see each other they’re acting as if Fighter hadn’t just molested Tutor. A lot of people have noticed as well that there have to be some missing scenes because it makes no sense. Of course Tutor has the bl fever that solves all conflicts, he agrees to let Fighter take care of him which again very unlike Tutor, whose last words to Fighter were get out of my life.

The scene where Tutor is sick and Fighter takes care of him made me SO uncomfortable after part 1. There must have been some missing moments there because I don’t understand it at all. Also it just proves how much Fighter usually cares about consent, he asked Tutor if he was okay with him helping, and he was going to leave once he was done. How is that Fighter the same Fighter from part 1? It might be that he gets like that when he’s drunk (at Hwa’s party was Fighter drunk when he forcefully kissed Tutor? that might be it)

Anyway I know a lot of people found that scene cute but it just doesn’t work for me. Maybe with a buffer scene between the two I could have liked it more. I didn’t. Also not a fan of Fighter looking through Tutor’s phone. And I don’t even want to talk about the ab*se joke at the start of the scene. Who thought that would be a good idea after part 1? Fighter saying to a sick weak Tutor “maybe I’ll take advantage of you” after what he did right before?????????? WHAT THE FUCK.

I really really really liked the scene between Fighter and his father, the dialogue was great. I wish the rest of the episode hadn’t ruined it for me. Zee is incredible. He did such a great job. I don’t have much else to say other than this because I was just so drained.

I’m also not a big fan of Fighter showing up at the beach out of the blue, but the show really wants us to cheer for them to get back together at this point which I do but like. I want an apology which I know I’ll never get. I can’t believe this was brused off as if it was nothing.

I can’t decide if what makes me mad the most is this, how lightly this was treated, with Tor not even asking for an apology, or if it’s the fact that they thought this would be a good idea.

It adds absolutely nothing at all to their relationship dynamic. It adds nothing to the plot, it doesn’t explain anything, it’s completely useless. It’s triggering for some people, it’s disturbing and it’s treated in a way that makes it seem like it wasn’t that bad.

This is it I think, I apologize for the massive amount of typos that I’m sure will be in here but I hate rereading my writing

#meta #why r u #fightertutor

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sayleeofkanto · 6 years

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Pride Month Day 26

((Hey so while the rest of the oneshots for the month are about the Keyleeverse, this one’s different. For Questioning day, I wrote about me. This one’s behind a cut because it’s hella personal, hella long and has trigger warnings for internalized homophobia, external homophobia, a brief whizzby mention of suicidal ideation and some mental illness stuff))

You love hockey day, not so much for the sport itself but for being part of the team. None of your bullies are on the team, and girls who generally ignore you actually notice you, treat you like one of them. It’s almost like having friends.

The changing room is hell, though.

Focus on the wall and changing your own clothes, don’t look around, especially don’t look at her, even though your ears are attuned to every word she says and in class you can’t stop staring at her beautiful hair and her amazing skin that’s darker than all the other peely-wally Scots around here and never gets any spots and her super pretty smile--Don’t look!

What are you, some kinda creepy lesbo? Gross.

You’re not. You’re Team Jacob, right? Can’t be some gross lesbo if you like Taylor Lautner’s abs and arms (pecs are a bit weird though).

You can’t stop wanting to look at her.

Don’t look.

~~~

The Doctor going to World War II is so cool. You’re clutching a pillow to hide behind in case the creepy kid in the gas mask comes back, but you’re rapt as you watch the Doctor and Rose reunite and meet Jack and they have such easy camraderie and--

JACK: There it is. Hey, they've got Algy on duty. It must be important. DOCTOR: We've got to get past him. ROSE: Are the words “distract the guard” heading in my general direction? JACK: I don't think that'd be such a good idea. ROSE: Don't worry, I can handle it. JACK: I've got to know Algy quite well since I've been in town. Trust me, you're not his type. I'll distract him. Don't wait up. DOCTOR: Relax, he's a fifty first century guy. He's just a bit more flexible when it comes to dancing. ROSE: How flexible? DOCTOR: Well, by his time, you lot have spread out across half the galaxy. ROSE: Meaning? DOCTOR: So many species, so little time. ROSE: What, that's what we do when we get out there? That's our mission? We seek new life, and, and... DOCTOR: Dance.

Jack likes men too? Likes both?

That’s allowed?

The Doctor seems to think it’s fine. Says it’s normal in the future, even.

It’s okay to like both.

~~~

“John Barrowman’s gay, you know,” your mum says. “It was obvious he was a great actor as soon as he came out, because he’d been kissing women onstage and looking like he liked it!”

Have your parents ever talked about gay people before? It’s a surprise to hear. But they seem to be okay with it.

~~~

Wait, SesshoMaru’s a man?

He’s your first ever anime crush a short while after. You keep having to explain to people who see the printouts you stick to your jotters that he’s a man.

~~~

You find the Esmeralda figurine while cleaning out your cupboard. You’ve never seen The Hunchback of Notre Dame in full, because it always terrified you too much, but you’ve always loved Esmeralda. For a long time, you carried this figurine with you everywhere you went, this cheap little plastic thing of her in that red dress from the scene where she dances.

You put it on your desk. It’s still really pretty.

You see the movie in full for the first time when you’re nineteen and--was she POLEDANCING?!

~~~

Kurama’s a man too?!

All of your anime crushes are very beautiful, feminine-looking men. This probably doesn’t mean anything.

~~~

One of your online friends sends you a slashfic she really likes. You’re shocked to see that it’s rated K. But slash is all M-rated, stuff you have to lie to FFnet about your age to read with flaming cheeks and frantic looks over your shoulder in case your parents came home early, until you lose your nerve and skim past the dirtiest bits. How can this be slash?

It’s about Shinichi and Kaito, lots of little oneshots, some only a couple hundred words long. They hold hands and eat ice cream and watch movies and kiss, sometimes, and that’s it. They’re so cute and funny and sweet and…

Not dirty. Just like a normal relationship.

~~~

You’ve never imagined your wedding day. One of these days you’ll do everybody a favour and kill yourself, so it’s not like you’ll live long enough to see it.

~~~

You suck up sweet, fluffy M/M fics like oxygen. You’ve never seen an F/F fic.

~~~

No, Mum, I don’t have a boyfriend, I was walking with A. You know A. He’s… he’s gay.

Of course you already knew that.

No, I don’t have a boyfriend.

You don’t really want a boyfriend. Dating sounds stressful. You’re happy enough with your friends, now that you have some, you tight-knit band of Weird Kids who hide in the library all lunchtime and make plans to go see the next Harry Potter movie together or spend the weekend at somebody’s house watching movies and playing Mario Kart until 5am while eating too much pizza and drinking smuggled vodka in fizzy drinks. If you mix vodka and Irn Bru, you definitely won’t get a hangover, honest.

You’re too scared to ask a girl out. She’d think you’re gross.

~~~

Over the next decade, every single one of the weird kids will turn out to be gay, bi, or trans [i]and[/i] gay. Birds of a feather boa, K says with a laugh at age 24.

~~~

All the outfit options for female sims are just plain better. And the hair options. The faces are better, too. You have a whole neighbourhood that’s just ladies, who married ladies, because you can do that in the sims, and adopted girls, because then you don’t need any guys around.

You find this save data while transferring computers and, on a nostalgic whim, re-installing Sims 2 at age 21. You are stunned that you ever convinced yourself that this was a heterosexual way to play a video game.

~~~

P!nk’s been your favourite musician since you were 13. Amusingly, it was Conversations With My 13-Year-Old Self that made you realize how much she speaks to you. Now, after years of loving her music, her acrobatic performances, you’re going to see her live.

You keep staring at women in the crowd. Women wearing denim jackets, and button-up shirts with the sleeves rolled up, and short hair. “Look at all these dykes,” your cousin, who drove you here, scoffs.

You think they look great.

~~~

You want to travel before you go to university, so you cut your hair off and donate it to charity to raise money. You haven’t had it short since you were born, and you lose two and a half feet. You can’t stop running your hands over the back of it, spiking up the newly-short strands.

You love it.

~~~

While you’re in India, your parents phone and ask if A can stay in your room. His grandparents kept telling him to kill himself so he left home instead. You have them give the phone to him and ask him to take good care of your books and tell him that he’s okay, he’s a good person, he’s a good friend, there’s nothing wrong with being gay.

There’s nothing wrong with being gay.

Have you ever said that aloud before?

~~~

Monstrous Regiment is one of the books you brought with you. You lose count of how often you reread it. It isn’t explicitly stated, but Tonker and Lofty are definitely in love.

It makes you happy, to see women who love women on the Discworld. You start another reread.

~~~

There’s an anime society at your new university. The captain’s got a gross amount of lolicon anime on his hard drive and doesn’t like letting anybody else pick what to watch, so mostly you and a couple of other girls (women, you’re at university, you can legally drink now, you’re women now, right?) end up mocking whatever creepy shit he puts up together, complaining about the unrealistic proportions of the anime women.

“Any more than a handful’s a waste,” the nursing student scoffs. She’s a lesbian. She’s also Irish, and very much not out to her family.

You like her secretly, and keep it that way.

~~~

The Pride parade goes right past your new job, and on your lunch break, too. You watch them go by, all the flags, all the colours, everybody so happy and brave and defiant and proud.

There’s a wankstain with a megaphone in front of Parliament, yelling about how they’re all going to Hell for having sex outside of marriage.

“LET US GET MARRIED, THEN!” the crowd yells, and keeps dancing.

~~~

Your mother’s side of the family don’t like this uncle much. You join them wholeheartedly when he starts talking about conversion therapy, how kids who “think” they’re gay are “sick”, and need “help”--

He has to be hustled out to his car and told to go home early because you can’t stop shouting at him to shut the fuck up, there’s nothing wrong with those kids, how fucking dare he advocate their torture, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, being gay is beautiful--

You’ve never said that before, but you feel it wholeheartedly.

~~~

You work Saturdays and Sundays, so you can never go to Pride. You make yourself a bracelet in purple, pink and blue, the bi colours, and never take it off. It makes you feel a little braver, even if most people who see it won’t think the colours mean anything.

~~~

Your brother’s in America so the two of you set up a video call to watch the Legend of Korra finale together, and it’s amazing, mindblowing animation, incredible story, and you crack some jokes about how Asami and Korra have been for the past couple seasons. It’s a cartoon, so obviously they’d never actually be allowed to hook up, but it’s fun to imagine. The queerbaiting gets a little tiring, maybe. You’ve just learned what queerbaiting is. It’s why Dean and Cas will never kiss onscreen even though they SHOULD.

Then Asami and Korra talk and man, this keeps getting gayer. And gayer. And

They hold hands, and look into each other’s eyes, and it’s the final shot of the show, an undeniable mirror of the finale shot of The Last Airbender right before Aang and Katara kiss, and Asami and Korra don’t kiss, but Bryan Konietzko’s online right nowstressing that KORRASAMI IS REAL and they would’ve kissed if the network had let them

And then your phone’s ringing because you’re crying so hard that you dropped your laptop and didn’t notice and your brother’s worried, and you can’t stop crying, you’re so happy.

You’re so happy.

~~~

“They’re for real lesbians. They actually SAY they’re in love!”

You immediately put on the first episode of Steven Universe.

~~~

You run into your chiropractor at Pride with her wife. They’re wearing rainbow flags and wedding rings and big smiles. She’s been looking after your fucked-up feet since you were eight and you never knew. Of course, she’s under no obligation to tell her patients about her personal life, but.

You could’ve known all along that this was what a lesbian looked like, this kind, funny, successful, professional woman.

~~~

Holy shit, there are female romance options in this game that you can romance while female.

Why are they all so much more attractive than the male options?

~~~

Your group is doing Huis Clos for your end of year performance and you’re Ines. You don’t normally like makeup but you love doing up your hair and eyes and red lipstick and silk blouse and striding onstage in heels to mock Joseph and Estelle for refusing to admit that they’re in Hell and deserve to be, to talk proudly about how you murdered your cousin and seduced his wife, to try to seduce Estelle and laugh when she can’t kill you

By third year you’re joking that your acting resume is going to be all men and lesbians.

~~~

Yes, this is the third time I’ve watched The Devil Wears Prada this week. I have essays to work on, and it’s a comfort watch, y’know?

I dunno. Meryl Streep’s really good in it. I mean, Miranda’s an awful person, but she’s so powerful that you end up liking her anyway, y’know? She’s mesmerising.

~~~

Who the hell cancelled Agent Carter? Supernatural has a thousand seasons and not one single scene of Hayley Atwell in a gorgeous retro suit beating the teeth out of somebody with the nearest thing she can grab.

You most definitely have a type

~~~

No, being bisexual does not mean that you’re gay and scared to admit it.

You have this conversation a lot.

~~~

People keep telling you to get a Japanese boyfriend to teach you. There must be better reasons to have a boyfriend. Do you even want a boyfriend, really?

~~~

Why the fuck did nobody ever tip you off that Batman has an amazing lesbian cousin and where the fuck is her movie where she gets to make out with Anne Hathaway?!

~~~

Your friend is mocking her boyfriend having a gay panic over her asking him if he agrees that Idris Elba is attractive. Finding Idris Elba attractive doesn’t mean you’re gay, she scoffs, it just means you have eyes. You agree, laughing.

You don’t have to be attracted to men to see when they’re attractive.

~~~

Sure, Chris Pine is very pretty, especially when he’s naked. But Gal Gadot throwing an armoured car with her hands? That damn near physically knocks you out of your seat. You transcended your body around the time Wonder Woman went over the top but from the first moments in Themyscira your whole body’s been tingling and your higher brain functions have been DOWN. You’re shaking so hard when you come out of the cinema that you can barely use your railcard, and you can’t sleep until 5am, too busy crying from exhilaration and screaming about the movie to your brother.

Is that what attraction is always supposed to feel like? Something you’ve never felt for a woman in an impractical costume being cut up by the camera, or for any man, anywhere, ever, doing or wearing anything at all?

~~~

Tessa Thompson also tears apart armoured vehicles with her hands, and Cate Blanchett has this way of sweeping back her hair into a horned helmet, and who the fuck decided women over 30 aren’t sexy?!

You almost miss Chris Hemsworth’s shirtless scene entirely. It’s nice enough. You forget it entirely when Valkyrie gets behind that gun.

~~~

If you tell people you’re a lesbian now, they’re gonna think all bi women are just closeted lesbians.

~~~

But you remember how terrified you were that you were gay. And, a decade and a half later, you think: so what?

What if I was?

What if I am?

~~~

There is literally a neon rainbow sign over your boarding house, advertising the neon company next door. That is LITERALLY a sign, right there.

~~~

You think it, inside your head, trying the thought on for size.

I’m a lesbian.

You never knew you were suffocating until you took your first breath of air.

~~~

You have your first ever wedding fantasy at 25, and start crying in public over how beautiful your hypothetical bride looks in her dress.

~~~

Are you butch? Do you have to be butch to want to wear a waistcoat and kilt to your own wedding? This is a whole new avenue of exploration but also you so want your own kilt.

~~~

You tell your parents over video chat. They’re as supportive as you always knew they would be, but disappointed you don’t have a girlfriend.

You’ve gotta stay stealth if you want to keep your job. You’re in Japan, after all, and it’s been warned to new recruits to the company that the Japanese upper management are all very old-fashioned. If you lose your job, you could lose your visa. This is not presently actionable intel, just good to have.

But you don’t feel gross, or afraid. Just frustrated that you can’t scream it from the rooftops.

~~~

Your brother sends you some pictures of Gal Gadot in a suit for the two of you to thirst over together. He’s the best.

~~~

You actually sing Heaven Is A Place On Earth at karaoke and then your new coworker asks if you have a boyfriend.

Seriously.

~~~

Your manager is so damn pretty, but she’s Japanese. But she’s so damn pretty, and nice.

Don’t look.

Not because it’s gross. Because you want to keep your job.

~~~

Somebody describes Meryl Streep’s performance in The Devil Wears Prada as seductive and ah-ha. Of course. A powerful and influential businesswoman who has Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt in nice outfits trailing her everywhere she goes. She goes to a ball halfway through the film with two beautiful young women on her arms. Lesbian power fantasy or WHAT?

You watch it again, and notice for the first time that after Andie’s makeover, when she turns to leave the office, Miranda checks out her ass.

~~~

You want to go back to your twelve-year-old self and give her Alex Danvers, and Kate Kane, and Tonker and Lofty, and Ruby and Sapphire, and Kate McKinnon, and J the chiropractor and her wife, and tell her: this is you.

You’re okay. You always were.

~~~

Oh, you are definitely buying one of those rainbow shirts at Disneyland.

~~~

There’s nothing wrong with you.

Your feet are still pretty fucked up, and so are your knees now, after all that sitting seiza, and your eyes have always been spitting distance from legally blind, and you still have that gut problem, and you’re 25 and still get acne, and your brain’s pretty messed up on anxiety and depression

But that’s all bits. There’s nothing wrong with you.

You are gay, in every sense of the word.

#pride create-a-thon 2018 #Day 26 #personal

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shittttt-z · 7 years

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They say soulmates never die. But what if mine did. In a car crash or a shooting or something. Now I'm just a teenage girl who's only experienced 17 years on this earth but at this point in my life everything is moving fast. Collage, my best friends relationships with guys they claim they're in love with, time. Everything is moving so fast and I feel as though I'm running out of my life and experiences. Now I might be wrong. The love of my life could potentially be reading this right now. Hi love how are you! But chances are he's not. Although I feel time is running thin and my chances are slimming ( I understand I'm only 17, but still) I've already lived so much, rebelled in my own delinquent ways. Wow this is not making very much sense or put together very well. Oops Anyway, I have a kinda secret. Now I've told people this secret but not many have listened or believed me, and it's probably the most serious thing that's ever happened in my life. It's the start of my horrible decisions the breaking point of my life. May 16th. It was the end of my freshman year of high school. Peer pressure is a thing by the way. That pretty much how this all started. My mind has made me forget the little details but I do know that all my friends would say comments like "you just need to get laid" or "you need dick" which of course what 15 year old freshman in high school doesn't need to have sex. I mean it's 2015 right not the 1800s. Anyway I don't think I ever really thought about who I'd loose my virginity to but I did think about how. I always envisioned it my senior year with a boy I would be completely head over heels in love with, maybe in the back of his car or some place where the moment just felt right. But that's not how it happened at all. I was raped. (as I reread this I just feel stupid for saying that, I can't even say the word, I feel too ashamed. What if I'm just lying. What if it really is just my fault. I mean I did ask him to come over and have sex with me.) It feels weird to announce that because the boy who raped me would always get angry at me when I accused him of that. He would say ,"that can get me in a lot of trouble. Don't tell anyone I raped you because that's not what happened, you were completely sober stop acting like you were drunk and can't remember anything." Or something along those lines. So I guess I should explain what happened that night. We were your typical modern day freshman I guess you could say. There was 4 of us. The 4 of us had the wonderful idea to experience non sober thoughts. We all stayed the night at one of our houses and had one of their older cousins buy and sneak us alcohol. Now I remember that part perfectly. Our blood coursed with adrenaline as we snuck out to meet her cousin by the road late at night. We collected the alcohol and gave them our money and then we rushed back inside to get started. We got a bottle of fireball and a 6 pack of beer. Some of my friends had already been drunk before. But this was my first time actually drinking. I had maybe 5 shots of the fireball and maybe 2 or 3 beers, I know I know defiantly not enough to get an experienced drinking tipsy. Trust me I know. But that was all my clean blood stream could take before I was slurring my words and stumbling all over the place. I cuddled up with a beer on the back patio charging my phone when it all started. So yeah I get it I was the one who invited him to pick me up and persuaded him to sneak out and have sex with me. But keep in mind I was not in the right mind for a 15 year old girl and he was perfectly sober for a 15 year old boy. Later I figured out he snuck out his window and pushed his truck down the street before starting it so he wouldn't wake up his parents, smart right? Anyway as he did all of that I continued to drink as he took the 15 minute drive out to her house. Eventually, I either received a call or a Snapchat saying that he was here. My friends didn't even know that I left. I met him out by the road, I couldn't even open the door to his truck. I remember him saying "you smell like alcohol" I was just worried about throwing up. He drove down the road, I don't even know where to, stopped and I don't really remember what happened. I don't remember my first real kiss, if we even did kiss I don't remember but I was told later we did. All I remember is the pain and touching the windshield with my fingertips and watching my hand remove the mist, seeing the bright moon coming in and asking "is this really happening" and "am I bleeding". He finished dropped me back off at the front of her house. I stumbled down her front yard and into the basement door. I remember seeing blood. A lot has changed these few years. I've had sex with boys I thought liked me, and I sure as hell thought I liked them. I've had sex with boys that I had no feelings for at all. Just to bury the thought of how I can never undo the night of May 16th. I always intended to wait. I never wanted to walk down the hallway and have people call me a slut or a whore. The new one now is gross, just gross. And when I ask why they consider me gross the reply is "just look at you" I don't know what that means. I got an answer one time " you have no muscles. No triceps no quads no abs nothing you're just gross" I've learned to stop. Stop everything. My emotions towards guys, my feelings towards my self, other than thinking I'm fat and ugly. Nothing really matters anymore other then being perfect for the male species. The need for a perfect body, perfect skin, perfect hair. So really I learned to stop feeling. I've been heartbroken, but not by love, so I learned to stop getting attached, all boys are the same. I want to love. I really do want to experience the teenage romance that you see on movies. All my friends have. And all my friends have been heartbroken and I get to watch them cry for weeks and months over some piece of shit guys that has either cheated on them or used lame excuses like "we're going separate ways". I sit there and try to console them but I'm really no help because I can't relate to them. I either want a boyfriend or I want to stay single till I'm 30. I want the romance but I don't want the struggle. I don't think I'm good enough for any boy to love me anyway. I'm gross remember I'm a slut only good for one thing so why not excel in it right? Now this isn't even half of my story. This is just some late night thoughts. Maybe I'll tell my complete story some other time, maybe I never will.

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