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#but just because someone was hurt that doesn’t mean that someone did it to hurt them
loveinhawkins · 1 day
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just have such an image of Steve keeping it together in the direct aftermath, being so calm because he has to be; if he thinks for one second more about Max and Eddie, he doesn’t know what he’ll do, but he knows it won’t be anything helpful. So he doesn’t. He doesn’t.
He forces himself to have a one-track mind: get out of The Upside Down. Get Dustin to hospital. Fix his leg. That’s easy, that’s only three steps, and sure Dustin isn’t talking anymore, just staring blankly ahead and following wherever Steve leads him, but that’s fine, Steve can do the talking for the both of them, this is easy, this is—
And then they get to the hospital, and it’s chaos, people running, crowding, and Steve murmurs low, urgent, “Stay close to me,” and he means I’m not leaving you.
But the intensity of people shoving just gets worse, and Steve reaches for Dustin too late, he’s already gone, how can he be, Steve promised—
Panic surges in Steve’s chest, and he’s fighting against the tide of the crowd—yelling frantically like he did in The Upside Down, in Nancy’s living room, “Dustin, Dustin!”
Except now he can’t hear Dustin, he can’t hear him, and Robin’s face flashes into view, eyes wide and wet, and all Steve can say desperately is, “I can’t leave him, I can’t leave him.”
“Steve,” comes Nancy’s voice, and there’s a knowing edge to the sound, like she gets it, and when Steve turns it’s to see her point, and—
It’s barely a glimpse, but it’s enough; Steve runs.
And Dustin’s there, swept up in another part of the crowd, and he’s fighting against it too, pain contorting his expression as he drags his bad foot, “Steve!”
His voice cracks, already hoarse from screaming. Someone strikes him in the shoulder, and he almost goes down.
Something inside Steve finally snaps.
“Don’t touch him,” he seethes, and he hits out at people, uncaring if it hurts, all that matters is—
“Dustin,” he says, and they’re suddenly on the ground, Dustin scrabbling into his arms—it seems as if the crowd has finally eased just a little, has parted around them. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
He doesn’t realise he’s crying until he hears Dustin sobbing his heart out, too.
“Shh,” Steve says, “it’s okay, it’s okay.”
“Don’t go,” Dustin says, constricted with tears. “Please don’t go, please don’t go.”
And Steve knows that he means something more than just staying here in this awful hospital corridor.
“I won’t,” he swears. Shudders and kisses the top of Dustin’s head fiercely. He can’t hold any of it back now: just clings to the kid still in his arms, and cries and cries. “I won’t, I won’t.”
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early chaggie days being a bit unsettling, but still pretty sweet
Vaggie: “Hey Charlie? I’m back.”
Charlie: “VAGGIE OHMYGOSH THERE YOU ARE!!!! I was worried sick! What were you doing wandering hell alone?? You’re still hurt! And new here!!”
Vaggie: “I’m fine, it’s not like I’m bleeding-”    
Charlie: “I was WORRIED! It’s been hours- your note just said ‘gone out’ it didn’t say if you’d be back!”
Vaggie: “Why would anyone leave you a note like that if they weren’t coming back?”
Charlie: “I DON’T KNOW THE NOTE DIDN’T SAY THAT EITHER!!!!”
Vaggie: “Right, sorry. I’ll make sure the next one does. I’m sorry.”
Charlie: “That’s! Not-!”
Vaggie: “I’m sorry Charlie.”
Charlie: “No no you don’t have to be sorry- going out whenever you want is fine! Dangerous, when you’ve just lost and EYE and a LOT OF BLOOD and your back is still FUCKED UP and you have a pretty face covered in bandages that I couldn’t change this morning because you left- which is fine, that’s fine it’s FINE-”
Vaggie: “You really don’t have to keep-”
Charlie: “-it’s just we NEED to get you a phone! No more ‘don’t wanna be trouble’ bullshit- this is serious! What if you’d needed help? How fuck was I supposed to even find you!?”
Vaggie: “Follow the trail of screaming people and blood?”
Charlie: “Wha- what blood?”
Vaggie: “Shit.”
Charlie: “Your blood?? Did your back- But it’s been burned shut since day one! Did someone-”
Vaggie: “Charlie-”
Charlie: “WHO-”
Vaggie: “No one did anything, okay? Look, no blood. See?”
Charlie: “….then why did you say that?”
Vaggie: “I might’ve… kinda sorta stabbed a few people who got too close. Uh. Nothing fatal. But there was some blood and screaming…”
Charlie: “They SCARED you.”
Vaggie: “No they really didn’t, it was just instinct.”
Charlie: “And this is hell, Vaggie- at least half of them were at least TRYING to scare you!”
Vaggie: “Well it worked. It was fucking scary how close I came to killing a few of them without even noticing.”
Charlie: “Vaggie…”
Vaggie: “I won’t go out again. I got what I needed, and I didn’t know you’d worry.”
Charlie: “Of course I worried…”
Vaggie: “You don’t have to. I’m just this month’s random dumbass sinner picked out of the rest of the trash and crashing on your couch, making you stress over dumb stuff. I’ll get out of your hair soon as the bandages come off.”
Charlie: “Don’t.”
Vaggie: “?”
Charlie: “Don’t, talk like that, about yourself. Please?”
Vaggie: “Like what?”
Charlie: “Like THAT.”
Vaggie: “I don’t even get what ‘that’ means. I only said what happened.”
Charlie: “I….. never mind.”
Vaggie: “Alright…”
Charlie: “…..”
Charlie: “….what did you go out for anyway?”
Vaggie: “Spear.”
Charlie: “Spear? Like, spearmint gum or- OH!!”
Vaggie: “Just uh, just a spear.”
Charlie: “But isn’t that an Exorcist’s!? Vaggie- be carful! That’s one of the ONLY things that can-”
Vaggie: “-kill a sinner permanently, yeah, I know. Or gouge out their eye. Permanently.”
Charlie: “Oh.”
Vaggie: “I’ve seen them in action, I mean.”
Charlie: “And it doesn’t upset you?”
Vaggie: “It’s, complicated. Mainly it’s just, it’s a little reassuring to hold onto, you know?”
Charlie: “My hand is- I mean, sure, yes. That makes sense. I think.”
Vaggie: “…you can lock it up somewhere if you want, while I’m here. I don’t mind. This is your home-”
Charlie: “And yours. As long as you need it.”
Vaggie: “That’s, nice but-”
Charlie: “And while you’re here you should feel safe, and if the spear helps you feel safe around me, then okay. Good. You um, you didn’t sell anything super important to get it, right?”
Vaggie: “No, I found it behind a dumpster-”
Charlie: “Wow those are really pulling through on the amazing finds lately!”
Vaggie: “Charlie- huh?”
Charlie: “Good find! At the dumpster!”
Vaggie: “Charlie, it’s not for you. The spear. I didn’t get the spear because of you.”
Charlie: “I mean hell princess and stuff, first hellborn monster in all creation- totally understandable!”
Vaggie: “If you’re a monster then creation needs more of them.”
Charlie: “The carpet is still smoldering from me going all demon flames at you five minutes ago.”
Vaggie: (chuckling) “Yeah, because you were worried.”
Charlie: “Still. Scary?”
Vaggie: “Adorable.”
Charlie: “….really?”
Vaggie: “You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met, because you care, and you get angry when the rest of the world doesn’t care as much as you do. It’s really.” (pause) “It’s new. It’s really new, and I’m glad I got to see it.”
Charlie: “If you’re sure…”
Vaggie: “Yep. The horns and tail are cute, too.”
Charlie: “The- aww SHOOT! They’re still out? This whole time??”
Vaggie: “You didn’t notice grabbing my wrist with your tail?”
Charlie: “I WHAT??? IM SORRY OH FUCK OH SHIT IT- IT HAS A MIND OF IT’S OWN I SWEAR- FUCK WHY WON’t IT LET GO-”
Vaggie: “It’s fine. If it wants to cling then let it. I’d like to sit down though, so.”
Charlie: “Right! Sorry!”
Vaggie: “Charlie it’s fine.” (sigh) “Feels like we’ve used that word too much today.”
Charlie: “Ugh you’re right, sorry…”
Vaggie: “And that one too. Stop.”
Charlie: “Fine.”
Vaggie: “….”
Charlie: “….sorry?”
Vaggie: “….”
Vaggie: “…you’re lucky you’re cute.”
Charlie: “And YOU’RE lucky you’re tiny and fit on the couch. There’s an actual bed here! In case you forgot since the last time I told you! Now, sit kitchen?”
Vaggie: “Actually I was thinking sit couch and I’m not taking your bed.”
Charlie: “Did you remember to eat anything while out poking rude hell people with your new spear?”
Vaggie: “S- sure I, uh, I did. Do that.”
Charlie: “Uh-huh.”
Vaggie: “Yes.”
Charlie: “Mmhmm.”
Vaggie: “…I did do it.”
Charlie: “Bzzt, lies. To the snackies we go!”
Vaggie: “But-”
Charlie: “And I’m getting you in that bed eventually. It’s gonna happen. Couches can’t be good for your back, even when you’re so small! Especially when you’re hurt!”
Vaggie: “Charlie, if I was in your bed you’d never get any SLEEP.”
Charlie: “Why not? I like being around you!”
Vaggie: “I move around too much at night.”
Charlie: “Bad dreams?”
Vaggie: “…sure.”
Charlie: “Well maybe not being alone when you wake up would help? That’s what Razzle and Dazzle do for me sometimes- right guys?”
Razzle: “Baa!”
Dazzle: “Mreh.”
Vaggie: “Hi fellas… What… what happened to your kitchen.”
Charlie: “I asked them to get snacks ready!”
Vaggie: “It’s a warzone.”
Charlie: “It’s snack time?”
Vaggie: “There’s enough doughnuts here to feed a whole battalion after a battle.”
Charlie: “Well since you weren’t here to ASK I couldn’t TELL them what KIND of doughnut would be your FAVORITE.”
Razzle & Dazzle: “Ree!”
Charlie: “So we had to make all the kinds. But only this one time, okay guys?”
Razzle & Dazzle: “Grrr….”
Vaggie: (smiles) “Thought you said you weren’t even sure I’d be back.”
Charlie: “I wasn’t. You’re the first sinner who’s ever crashed on my couch, so I just, hoped.”
Vaggie: “…..”
Vaggie: “Thanks. For the hope.”
Charlie: “You’re welcome. Really, literally, you’re welcome. Couch or wherever.”
Vaggie: “……or buried under a mountain of pastries?”
Charlie: “Finding your favorite kind is IMPORTANT okay!”
Vaggie: “There’s dough splatters on the ceiling.”
Charlie: “You’re worth a few dough splatters and an artfully singed carpet. You’d also be worth some lost sleep. Now! Staring with the basic, a classic plain glaze….” (busily dives into doughnut infogump)
Vaggie: “….”
Dazzle: “Rrr?” (hands her a tissue)
Vaggie: “...huh? Oh.” (takes tissue) “Thanks….” (dabs at her eye while Charlie isn’t looking)
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bella-goths-wife · 3 days
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How would the Vees reaction to their pet falling to stockholm syndrome? Do they loose interest, do they become more obsessive, does this make them act out more to try and gain more control? So many questions!
Yandere Vs reaction to pet reader falling to Stockholm syndrome
Warnings: Valentino, abuse, punishments, verbal abuse, pushing boundaries
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I think it all depends on in what way the Stockholm Syndrome presents itself
If it meant that you becoming less hesitant about doing what they asked and being more submissive while still retaining your personality and keeping your humanity in tact, they would adore it
They would instantly become more obsessive over you, because the lack of resistance would mean that they would get more pieces of you than before
They’d get to experience a certain vulnerability with you, and it would make them feel powerful to know what a command they have over you
I mean, you actually look at them with affection now
You’ve accepted your respective role as their daughter figure/pet/personal entertainment
And this would cause many more fights over who could have you for the day
They have an established schedule put in place for you because at the start of you working there, there would be many times when one of them would interrupt you when you were working with another one and steal you away
So they made a schedule that is only allowed to be disobeyed for punishments or emergencies
But after you become less resistant to your role, they’ll all want to spend every moment with you
So one will interrupt another one’s day with you and cause an argument over you
But Vox will quickly fix this by updating the schedule to suit these needs and forcing you to spend more time with them outside of the working hours
However, if Stockholm syndrome caused you to be more submissive while also loosing your personality they would absolutely hate it
Sure they love that your following orders, but your not filling their social or entertainment needs while doing so
They wanted you less resistant, but they didn’t want to completely break you
You wouldn’t fulfil your role as their pet, your just an emotionless puppet who cleans up after them
They will do anything they can to bring out your personality again
At first it was bribing you with things that are seen as rule breaking, such as offering you time outside the tower without them or being let out past curfew
But you didn’t want to leave without them, you said that you couldn’t break the rules
So they started leaving situations for rule breaks out for you to try and coax your spirit back, like leaving food your not allowed to eat out or pushing you to spend alone time with someone they knew you were physically attracted to
But you’d leave the food and always kept it professional with your old crush
So they turned to punishments
They went through voxs punishments, and nothing
And then velvettes, still nothing
And finally Valentino’s punishments, and still nothing
They even did all there punishments combined when they became desperate, but you just accepted it and asked how you could improve your work for next time
They gave up, they couldn’t do it anymore
They still somewhat cared for you, in their own sick ways
So they wouldn’t completely lose interest, your very presence would be enough to keep some interest going
And your useful, so they would keep you around and they don’t move you out from their floor of the tower to the employees floors because they still have some care for you
And sometimes they will all come in for some affection from you, although it isn’t as fun for some of them anymore
Even though your still useful, they keep you around kinda like you’d keep the extremely old dog that can’t care for itself anymore because they were passed on to you
Your just no fun for them anymore, but that doesn’t mean they can’t keep you around for when they feel the need to hurt or hold someone
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Tag list so far :)
@buttercupfangirl @the-faceless-bride @lilyalone @repostingmyfavs
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torubeth · 18 hours
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aren’t you going to write “degradation taken too far” but with satoru? 🫦😰😭
you asked for it babe; i didn’t wanna hurt yall gojo girlies (inc myself) but you want pain? ok. pain is what you get. warnings : (mature content 18+) smut, degradation, gojo being mean (yes it’s a warning), angst to comfort??and maybe have a tissue box or two????
‘look at the gorgeous mess that you are baby. never knew you’d fold this easy’ he remarks, lips trailing down your body, sucking violet coloured hickeys along the way.
‘satoru- i already told you that the last time, will be the last time! so why are you-!’ slowly but gently he slides in, a wave of contentment washing over you, immediately shutting you up.
‘hmm what was that? mind repeating it f’me sweetheart?’ he smirks.
you decided to stay quiet because what’s the use? you’re gonna end up with him on top you again. mostly tomorrow. and the day after that.
and that’s when you realise that the pace was starting to pick up and his hands were now on your clit, rubbing hard circles eliciting nothing but moans and whines from you.
‘satoru oh my god! shit, feel so good i feel like i’m gonna cum!’ you reach up to slither your arms around his shoulders, your breathy pants now right by ear.
‘toru agh! fuck fuck- i…i love you satoru, i love you so much! please, if you keep this up i might-’ suddenly with a roughness unknown to you, he pulls out.
‘wait wait wait, why’d you stop? i was so close-!’ you pant, leaning up on your elbows.
instantly, there was a shift in his aura.
‘love? you said love? what makes you think i will ever love someone like you? you’re just a hole to fuck. a passing cloud. something for me to do when i’m bored of my fucked up life. nothing more’ he erupts.
‘what?’ your voice was reduced to nothing but a whisper.
‘where in the wide wide vicinity of your fantasy land did you come up with ‘love’ ?’ he spat.
‘i mean seriously, you thought this was something-‘ he knew what he was saying was far from the truth.
why would he not love you? what is there not to love? if he knew what love meant, it’s because of you.
but you shouldn’t love him, but you do. why? why do you wanna be with him? why do you wanna be tied down to someone like him?
meanwhile your mind is racing with a million different thoughts, not knowing what or how to respond.
‘it’s best if you just leave’ he finishes.
you didn’t need to hear the entirety of his speech to know that you were…disposable? replaceable?
the dam breaks and tears stream down your cheeks, eyes red and body trembling. you gather of what’s left of your heart and face him ‘this really is the last time’ you whisper, meaning every word, clutching hard at the sheets for some kind of comfort, without breaking the eye contact.
that’s when his eyes look at you.
your eyes. god, your eyes. they were one of the reasons he fell in love with you. they were fierce, beautiful and always on him. but now they were broken, filled with pain and tears, still beautiful and held nothing but ache.
next was your lips he loved kissing so much. his personal favourite, was always ready to put him in his place and bring him to his knees. now they were trembling. in hate, or fear? he thinks he doesn’t really wanna know the reason behind that.
taking a deep breath, he steeled his nerves because there was no going back now. the cat and mouse chase ends here.
suddenly, a huge wave of warmth enveloped you and it took you mere two seconds to realise that he was hugging you, and hardly a second for you to come to the realisation that you would never push him away.
‘i want you to know that you mean so much to me. a while ago my world was nothing but dark, but you came painted it all, giving meaning to each and every little thing in it. i deserve to rot in hell cuz fuck, i didn’t mean a word of what came out of my mouth’ and that’s when you felt little drops on your neck.
never once has he cried in front of you, always going on about how ‘the strongest never cry’
‘you mean the world to me baby. when you told me you loved me, i was brain dead. never knew i was capable of being loved by someone like you. i mean, why would you love someone like me? all my versions are nothing but a wretched mess, so why would you-?’
pulling back to look at him, your eyes are stern when you tell him-
‘you are actually an idiot if you think i care about any of that’ wiping away this tears, your hands rest against his cheeks.
‘i want all your versions satoru. flaws and all. i want them to course through my veins. i want you in all my mornings and all my nights. i want you everywhere. and if you’re going down, i’m willing to go down with you. so please, please don’t push me away’ you said because loving him was as easy as breathing, your eyes once again starting to tear up.
and that was the confirmation he needed, as he leaned down ‘i love you, i love you so much. i fucking love you’ chanting over and over again. pressing kisses everywhere. your nose, lips, cheeks, forehead, everywhere.
‘i adore you and i promise to cherish you like you deserve till we’re old and wrinkly’ he bumps his nose against yours, earning a small laugh from you.
‘i know you will satoru’ you whisper, bumping his nose in return ‘i will love you till we’re old wrinkly too’
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catherinnn · 3 days
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Fears and Futures
summary: After hearing Steve's comments about a friend's unexpected pregnancy, you become fearful of your own uncertain future and start questioning the meaning and depth of your relationship with Eddie.
warnings: language, unexpected pregnancy (not reader), not actual smut talks about sex, talks about unprotected sex, a little angst but fluff overall, hurt/comfort.
words: 1.1k
a/n: a little something just cause I felt like writing and I wanted a little drama. not proofread cause I was tired :)
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He opens his door for you and you start feeling nervous. After he lets you in, you see he’s trying to greet you with a kiss, one which you stop before his lips touch yours.
He takes a step back and you see his face, filled with worry and fear.
“Eds, I came here to talk” you explain.
And now his face falls, he realized what you meant.
--
You’re currently at Steve’s house, hanging out with him Robin and Eddie.
“Hey, do you remember Rebeca Evans?” Steve asks.
“Yeah, she was a senior with Eddie and me” you answer.
“The first time I was a senior” Eddie jokes.
You and Eddie had been friends since high school —it’s safe to say you’re best friends actually—, it took Eddie a couple more tries to finish high school but he finally did it. ’86 baby! Now you’re studying and he started working as a mechanic.
A year ago you started some kind of… arrangement between you two, a friends with benefits kind of arrangement. It all started on a drunken night at a party and then you kept it going not only on drunken nights, but on your sober nights, or at any time for that matter.
“She’s pregnant” Steve announced, and then he complains when you say he’s the most gossipy of the group.
“What? Really?”
“Yeah, she went on a few dates with this guy but they didn’t really hit it off, but they kept hooking up a few times either way, and then it just happened”
“It didn’t just happened, Steve. Were they being safe?” Robin corrects him.
“She said they were, but the condom must have broken or something. Apparently they don’t provide 100% safety” he explained.
“God, she’s my age… and wasn’t she studying as well? She wasn’t working yet” you ask him.
“Yep, she was still studying. Imagine if it happened to you now, it would change your whole life” Steve comments.
“Yeah…” you start thinking how it would affect you, how much of an impact it would make on your life.
And suddenly you can’t stop thinking about it, fearing it. You’re not ready to have kids! But neither was Rebeca and then one day she woke up and she was.
The only person you’re having relationships with is Eddie, and similarly like Rebeca, you’re not in a relationship with him.
You don’t even really know if you want kids or not, but if you’d have them you’d imagine it at least be with someone you’re in love with.
Actually, let me paraphrase that.
At least it would be with someone you’re in a serious relationship with.
Because you do really like Eddie, but you know he doesn’t feel that way. So this arrangement was fine because of that, you know nothing more would ever happen so you’re not expecting it from him.
So for a few days you have been… you wouldn’t say ignoring him, but re-thinking some aspects of this arrangement… without answering his calls.
“Hey, Robs?” you pick up the phone.
“Fucking finally. Oh so you do pick up the phone to Robin?” You hear Eddie’s voice.
“Fuck- no, I was just waiting for her call. But I was gonna call you later” you lie- well, a few days can also mean ‘later.’
“Whatever, do you wanna come over?” he asks and you realize you are going to have to do this eventually.
“Yeah, sure”
When he opens his door for you, you start feeling nervous. After he lets you in you see he’s trying to greet you with a kiss, one which you stop before his lips touch yours.
He takes a step back and you see his face, filled with worry and fear.
“Eds, I came here to talk” you explain.
And now his face falls, he realized what you meant.
“Okay” he says either way.
“I’ve been- thinking a lot about this… Rebeca’s situation-“
“Oh, come on” he interrupts, “when Steve said it was similar to you it didn’t mean it was going to happen to you as well”
“But it could! Eddie, I’m also studying to become somebody, I’m also not working and with no intention on starting to soon, I’m also just twenty years old with no idea of what I want for my future, but I sure as hell don’t want a baby now. And it’s not like we’re being very careful, Eddie. For God’s sake, they were using a condom and it broke or just didn’t work, we’re not even doing that!” you explain.
“Okay, we can just be more careful, but we don’t have to stop all of this”
“That’s the other thing… she was also just hooking up with someone and now they’re bounded forever. She didn’t even like him that much and now she has a fucking kid with him!” you tell him and Eddie stays silent for a while, thinking of what you said.
“…Do you also feel that way?” he asks nervously.
“What?” you ask confused of what he means.
“Do you also… don’t even know if you like him?” he asks with a straight face this time, waiting for your answer.
“That’s not what I said”
“Okay, I’m asking you now” he kept insisting.
“Do you even feel that way?” you kept dodging his question. You weren’t going to admit to him that you liked him just for him to reject you.
He sighed, tired of this. “I fucking like you- I’m actually fucking crazy about you if I’m being honest. That’s why I’m trying to not break this whole thing up because it’s the only way I’m able to have you, even if it’s just sex and it shouldn’t mean anything”
“Are you- being serious?” you ask sceptical.
“Yes” he admits one more time.
It’s your time to sigh in frustration now, head back and everything. But because you can’t believe how stupid the two of you could be.
You run to him without saying a word and you see the confusion on his face, but you quickly grab it and pull him closer to finally give him that kiss. Only it’s with a passion and love that the first one wouldn’t have had, or maybe it would be hidden.
He kisses you back grabbing you by your waits and pulling you even closer.  
Pulling apart slightly, you look into Eddie's eyes where you find warmth, relief, and an unmistakable spark of love.
"I guess we've been idiots, huh?" you say, breaking the silence.
"Yeah, we have" Eddie replies with a small laugh, his eyes still locked onto yours.
“I’ll start taking the pill from now on” you can finally decide since now it’s no longer meaningless.
He smiles, leaning in to give you another lingering kiss, “Yeah, that’d be great”, he whispers against your lips.
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sturnlova · 2 days
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Jealous for attention
( Matt Sturniolo x Female reader )
( Warning : Smut, fluff, angst, bit long i got carried away 😭 pet names )
Matt : Blue
Y/N : Pink
Chris : Orange
Nick : Purple
( Word count : 1.6k)
@blackhorses-posts i hope you like ❤️
——————————————————
Me and Nick have been best friends for over 7 years. We first meet in high school and soon became closer, of course getting closer meant being friends with his brothers, it was a packaged deal. But little did i know that i would start dating the middle triplet Matt.
All of us were very close, i even moved to LA with them and i still live with them which means we are always together or with each other. Like no other day we were all huddled up on the couch, My upper body laying on matt’s lap and my legs spread across Nicks. I hear Chris tease me by asking if i have enough room, i snapped my eyes to him and gave him a death glare.
As time went by and my hunger grew stronger i asked Matt to get food for us. Matt groaned a bit before moving my body up to sit me down on the couch to grab his keys.
“Y/N get up babe we have to get food” soon as that sentence left Matt’s mouth nick pounced on me and spoke for me.
“Me and Y/N want to stay home we are so tired today take Chrisss” Nick made sure to drag the S. Chris looked at both of us hugging on the couch and than looked at his brother who had jealousy and sadness in his eyes. He realised Matt is gonna throw a hissy fit if he doesn’t go. Chris got up and walked to the door to get the food for the princess’s.
Once me and Nick heard the door close and lock Nick grabbed the control and played icarly well we hugged on the couch to entrain ourselves until they got back. After 15 minutes me and nick started getting impatient so i decided to take matters into my own hands and message Matt.
| To Matty B 💓💓:
Matty!! How far are you?! me and nick are so hungryyyy
| From Matty B 💓💓:
B there soon.
I showed nick our conversation because he was acting so dry and weird for some reason. Nick looked down at me with a confused look “ His probably just trying to stay focus on the road Y/N it will be alright.” I trusted nick’s word as his my best friend.
As 10 Minutes passed me and nick finally heard the keys jingle to open the door. Chris walked in with the bags of Mcdonald’s and placed it on the table and yelled “come eat!!” Me and nick jumped to the food bags and started scavenging through the bag to get our food and return to watch icarly. Once we successfully got our food and got comfy on the couch Matt walked in and stared at me before placing the keys on the table and heading upstairs.
I turned my head to Chris and asked what’s wrong and if i did something wrong, Chris just shrugged his shoulders and mumbled under his breath that Matt was quiet the whole car ride. I felt tears start to brim around my eyes, i know it sounds dramatic but i’m an overly sensitive person when it comes to hurting someone i just feel so guilty.
As me, Nick and Chris ate i struggled to keep focus on icarly and eating the food as i was concerned for Matt. A couple of minutes later i stood up and slowly walked my way with my plate in my hand to place it down on the marble bench. I told the 2 boys on the couch that im going for a nap, they all hummed in response as they were so fixated on the food and show playing.
I watched as my feet went one by one up the stairs making a slight noise well heading to me and Matt’s room. I entered the room and saw matt sat on his gaming chair. “matt you okay?” i asked nicely and i got a negative response instead “i’m fine.” ok i see how it is. I laid on the bed and just watched Matt on his phone ignoring me, he was never like this he was always huddled up with me or talking or just listening to me talk.
I decided to start talking and all the response i got back was “mhm” “cool” “yeah” what the fuck is up with him all i wanted to do was spend time. “ Matthew what’s wrong you have been rude and ignoring me since i asked for food! if u didn’t want to go u could’ve said something instead of being a bitch!” by now i had tears running down my flushed cheeks.
“Christ are you crying ? oh i’m so sorry baby i never meant to make you cry it’s just that i felt i don’t know.. jealous of nick i know it sounds stupid because his my brother but i just felt like i didn’t have any attention and i was jealous for attention and i didn’t know how to say that i just wanted to spend time with you.. im so sorry.” i looked at matt as he reached his hands out to my face and wiped my tears.“ i’m sorry Matt that you didn’t have attention my love, you don’t have to be embarrassed to ask to spend time with your girlfriend, you have to speak to me.”
Matt moved his body to me and pulled me to a tight hug, once he removed his body from mine he kissed the corner of my eyes as a small way to say another sorry. I pulled matt into another hug again, he tapped the side of my thigh in a way to say jump, i did what i was told and jumped for my legs to be around his waist along with my arms wrapped around his neck. He started kissing my neck and spots behind my ears to make me fumble.
He walked us forward which is backwards for me and laid me on his brown silk bedsheets, he slowly took off my blue fresh love sweat pants and my white lacey underwear, he than dragged his cold fingertips up my body and cupped my breasts and pinched the nipple and massaged my breasts.
“Matt please fuck me i need to feel you” “fine only cause u deserve this” He slowly moved his middle finger to my hole and started curving it; it didn’t take me long to feel my orgasm creeping up on me but Matt also noticed this so he pulled his finger out of me.
“ what the fuck matt i was about to finish.” “ hey watch ur tone with me “ i shut my mouth and spread my legs as wide as they could go. Matt licked his lips and stepped out of his sweet pants and his red boxers. His tip was a raging pink with pre cum coming out of it, he moved his palm to my cunt and got my wetness on his hand to stroke himself.
Matt adjusted my legs on his shoulders and added his length to me, i could feel the stretching and burning sensation; we’ve had sex before but he was big so i never got used to it. Once he was fully in me, he started moving in and out of me at a rapid past. I was blown over pressure, my knuckles turning white due to the fact i was gripping onto the bed sheets, i moaned loud forgetting Chris his brother and Nick my best friend who is also his brother are home.
Matt looked down at his dick slipping in and out of me and the bludge in my stomach. He locked eyes with me and moved his big hand over the bludge and pressed down on it, this made me feel intense amount of pleasure. “ Matt fuck please i need to cum let me cum daddy please fuckk” “fuck Y/N i’m gonna fucking cum in you, gonna put a baby in you, fuck fuck fuck cum with me” with Matt’s last words “cum with me” i did, i let my whole body release and go limp as i came all over his cock.
Matt released same time as me and slowly pulled out of me making me hiss as i suddenly started feeling empty. He rolled over to lay to the side of me and kissed my check. “ i’m sorry baby that i was acting like a arsehole” As he spoke he rubbed his thumb over my cheeks, “it’s okay matt just speak to me, i love you let’s go get clean.”
5 minutes after matt rolled out of bed and carried me to the toilet, he placed me down and told me to pee. Once i peed and wiped, Matt put on boxers and sweatpants and put my underwear and his sweatpants along with his black top that was too big for me. He kissed my temple and asked if i wanted to go back to the couch, i nodded in response as i was tired.
As we walked down the stairs we heard Chris moaning and Nick telling him to stop cause it’s gross. Me and Matt side eyed eachother and faced Chris, “Chris why are you moaning.” “oops sorry we were making-“ Chris got cut off from Nick saying Chris was making fun of Y/N for moaning so loud. Matt and I giggled before sitting on the couch to watch Icarly to end the night.
thank yall for 200 followers and the crazy amount of likes 💓 i can’t even express how grateful i am, i know it doesn’t sound it but I’m not very good at saying how i feel but i love y’all so much ❣️
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imaginespazzi · 17 hours
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Part 4: The Art of Letting Go
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Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3
Only know you love her when (she lets you) go
(In which a still very sadistic writer make things a lot worse but only so they can get a little bit better)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt with very little comfort
Words: 7.9K
TW: Car Accidents, Panic Attacks, Swearing
A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 I know I'm very, very late with this and I love you all for being so patient. I don't really know how I feel about this chapter but it is what it is. Logistical details are probably a little off but I need things to work for the plot, so try and ignore that. Per usual I did edit (very loosely and I'll probably go back over it later), there are probably typos anyways. And as always, let me know what you liked, what you didn't, and what you'd like to see in the future. Happy reading lovelies and let's get a W this weekend. <3
December 2023
A week or so after they get back from the Cayman Islands, Azzi feels like she’s been sleep-walking through life, everything around her hazy and dull. She religiously sticks to a routine of eat-study-practice-sleep. Except well, sleep isn’t really sleeping. It’s her brain conjuring images of blonde hair and blue eyes and Azzi forcing herself to wake-up from a nightmare that used to be her favourite dream. 
She doesn’t tell anyone what happened, lying to herself it’s because it would be embarrassing and not because it would mean having to face the truth. Still, it doesn’t mean that her teammates can’t piece together little bits. There must be something quite sinister about the air around her, because none of her normally nosy and eager-to-help sisters try to weasel any information out of Azzi. They act like they always have, only sharing worried looks behind her back when the façade of i’m doing fine slips momentarily when she thinks no one’s watching. 
And then that façade goes to hell over the span of a couple of hours. 
It starts with the inevitable breakup with Zoe. At first Azzi avoids it, making up excuses as to why she can’t see her girlfriend. Selfishly, there’s a part of her that wants to keep Zoe, keep a girl who would never leave, never make her feel anything less than (or more than) just content. But it’s not fair, Azzi knows that, and it’s why she practises her it’s not you, it’s me speech to perfection in front of the mirror. When she goes to message Zoe that she's coming over, the text chain causes a pinch of guilt in her heart at the contrast between her girlfriend’s hopeful tone versus her own nonchalant one. And Azzi thinks that Zoe will never really understand just how similar the two of them are, stuck at wanting someone who would always let them down. Only, Azzi will let Zoe free but when it comes to her herself, she’s pretty sure she’s destined to be trapped forever. 
It’s embarrassing to admit that Azzi remembers the apartment in Storrs that she’d visited barely a handful of times a lot more than she remembers the apartment she’s currently in, the one that belongs to her girlfriend. Zoe sits rigidly on the couch with the same reserved, guarded expression she’s had since she’d opened the door, clearly aware of what was about to happen. Her foot taps incessantly as the silence between them drags on.
“You deserve better,” Azzi says finally, keeping her eyes firmly locked on the floor. 
“No,” Zoe’s voice is cold, “don’t say shit like that. It’s a cop out. It’s the shit people say to make themselves feel better-”
“Zoe-”
“Don’t be a fucking coward Azzi. Look me in the eye and say it, say exactly what you’re here to.”
Azzi doesn’t want to do any of that. She wants to crumble to the ground and let it swallow her until she’s buried so far away from the mess she’s created. But she owes Zoe this. When she does look at Zoe, there’s this look in the other girl’s eyes that Azzi had never thought herself capable of evoking in anyone and she has to swallow away the bile that rises in her throat, disgusted by her own self. 
“I’m breaking up with you,” Azzi whispers. Her words linger in the air, like shrapnel after an explosion. Zoe flinches, a single tear trickling down her face. 
“There it is,” the Californian says quietly, the ghost of an ironic smile playing on her lips, “I knew it was coming but damn- there it is.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“For what-” Zoe cuts herself, “no actually don’t- don’t answer that. I think I know.”
Azzi draws in a deep breath, ready to confess, “I need to tell-”
“Please-”
“Z-”
“Please,” Zoe sobs, “please don’t tell me. I don’t wanna hear it okay? I don’t- I don’t want to hate you Azzi. It’s too much and I don’t- I just- I’m so tired of feeling so much for you when you don’t- when you feel so little for me.”
“That’s not true,” Azzi counters helplessly, her words ringing hollow to her own ears. 
“Fucking hell you just ended it Azzi, you don’t have to pretend anymore. And it’s okay because I get it. You can’t feel any more than what little you do for me because- because you’ve already given the rest of it away. And it’s not- it’s not like I didn’t know you know? I only ever met you because you were crying over her. You only let me into your life because you missed her. And now you have her,” Zoe says wistfully. 
It’s terrible the way everything else becomes white noise as Azzi’s ear latches on the last sentence, a sentence that couldn’t be any further away from the truth. She was prepared for the accusations, for Zoe to hurl every curse word in the book at her, but this, the unintended reminder that she was giving up on soft, sweet, gentle Zoe for something that she didn’t have, hurts far more than any words could. 
“This isn’t about-” 
Zoe’s quick to cut Azzi off, pushing herself off the couch they had been sharing, trying to put even more space in between them, “please do not insult my intelligence by finishing that sentence. I deserve that much at least.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are because I know- I know who you are Azzi and I know you’re a good person and that’s why- that’s why I don’t wanna know okay? Whatever you did- whatever happened- just let me- just let me have this. Let me remember you as someone good- someone great,” Zoe pleads.
“If that’s what you want Zo,” Azzi answers weakly, the guilty clawing at her heart. She doesn’t think she deserves to be remembered like that, doesn’t think she’s worthy of being thought of with fondness, not anymore. 
Zoe doesn’t make any acknowledgement of Azzi having spoken as she starts to pace, “I should have known. You know the day I met her this summer, I got it- the appeal- I got it immediately. She has this aura, this charm. She just- she just fucking glows you know? And she’s just- she’s this huge entity and so are you and I’m just,” she lets out a hollow laugh as she shrugs,  “I’m just a girl from Stockton, California.”
“And you’re amazing,” Azzi puts up a hand when Zoe tries to cut her off again, “you are. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you for what you did for me last year. You could have walked away that day and maybe- maybe one day you’ll think you should have. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Zoe. You do deserve better. It’s not a cop out. It’s the truth.”
Since she was younger, Azzi’s always hated endings. This time is no different. The bitter truth is that she probably won’t miss her girlfriend, but she will miss the friend that had gotten her through one of the toughest years of her life. Slowly, Azzi picks herself off of the couch and walks over to a still Zoe, squeezing her left hand once before heading towards the door. 
“Azzi,” Zoe calls out, just as Azzi has one foot out the door, “I hope it works out for the two of you. You and Paige always did just seem inevitable.”
***
She blames the fact she’s currently stuck in the terrible LA traffic, with the word inevitable ringing in her ears, for the way her fingers continuously flicker over the green call button under Paige’s name. Zoe saying her name had been the first time in a week that Azzi had even let herself, in consciousness at least, think of the blonde properly. And now that it had been unleashed, whispers of Paige, Paige, Paige echo through every crevice of skull. The pain and anger that she’d been trying to shield herself from, come barraging into her heart as she’s held captive once again by thoughts of her best friend. 
It would be a lie to say that Azzi hadn’t been hoping for a call or a text to come through. She’d waited two days with bated breath for a friendly quip that would lead them back to their safe haven of just pretend. Instead it was as if they were back to being who they had been before summer of 2022 all over again. Back to being nothing. But this time Azzi had been adamant that if Paige was going to cut her off again, she wouldn’t fight it, not this time. Apparently that resolve was never meant to last and Azzi feels a little pathetic with how desperately she needs to hear Paige’s voice, how desperately she wants to try again. 
The traffic clears just as she presses call and maybe that should have been a sign. Azzi’s not a bad driver per say, but as her dad always said, no one’s a good driver when they’re distracted. The phone rings for too long and she should take that as her next sign and accept it as Paige not wanting to talk, but she lets it continue to ring anyway, as she turns onto a more secluded road. And then-
“Hello,” the voice is unfamiliar and Azzi doesn’t really know Paige’s teammates, beyond Caroline, that well but she’s pretty certain this one doesn’t belong to any of them. 
“Hi uh- who is this?” she manages to get out as her grip tightens on the steering wheel.
“Oh um- this is Rose, Paige’s friend” comes the reply, the word friend said with a sultry lilt and Azzi feels her skin prickle. Hang up. 
“Why are you answering Paige’s phone?” her tone is far more accusatory than she’d like it to be. 
“She’s in the bathroom but she told me to,” Rose answers defensively. 
Azzi hesitates, she doesn’t need to know more except, “does she know who called?”
Because surely if she did, if Paige knew it was Azzi on the other line, she wouldn’t let one of her likely random hookups answer the phone, surely Paige would know what it would do, how it would make her feel. 
“Uh yeah- I told her Azzi called and she seemed pretty sure she wanted me to pick up.”
Maybe Paige does know what it would do, does know how it would make Azzi feel, maybe that’s the whole fucking point. Through the phone she can hear quiet footsteps walking closer, towards Rose. When Paige is close enough that Azzi can make out the sound of her breathing, can almost picture the way her chest is heaving, that’s when the tears finally fall, blurring her vision. 
She doesn’t see the blinking headlights rushing towards her until it’s too late and then she’s swerving. The world around her erupts in motion and light and noise, everything spinning and spinning and spinning. For one moment, as she loses complete control of her car, Azzi thinks maybe this is it. And the most terrifying part of it, is that for a second, she’s not all that opposed to the idea of this being the end. It’s a singular image of her parents in her brain that has her regaining her senses and hitting the brakes as hard as she can. Her tires screech as her car barrels into a tree and her entire body jerks around in her car, her seatbelt leaving burn scars against her neck. Azzi feels her heartbeat going haywire, as everything comes to a halt. 
“Oh my god, oh my god,” Rose’s panicked voice echoes. 
“What?” and there’s Paige and even in this wreckage, Azzi’s heart stutters at the sound of her best friend. 
“I think she crashed-”
“WHAT?” there’s frantic shuffling until, “Azzi? Azzi? Hello? Are you there? Fuck. Azzi are you okay? Please say something. C’mon Az. I know you’re there. Can you hear me? Please be okay. Azzi? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Azzi?”
Azzi opens and closes her mouth, trying to answer to the call of her name, but nothing comes out. She feels hot and cold all over at the same and she swears there’s a hand curled around her neck because she can’t fucking breathe. 
“Azzi,” Paige says again desperately, “please say something.”
“P-Paige,” Azzi finally manages to stutter, her chest heaving as she gasps for air. There’s blood rushing to her ears and everything around her feels hazy. 
“Azzi,” and that one syllable is wrapped in so much emotion, “I’m here okay, are you okay?”
No, Azzi thinks, I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay. 
“I c-can’t breathe. I think” she grasps at her neck, “I th-think I’m having a panic attack.”
Paige curses under her breath, “okay, okay alright listen to me breathe okay? And try to match it okay?”
“O-okay,” Azzi whispers, pressing her head to her steering wheel as she tries to mimic Paige’s exaggerated deep breaths on the other end of the line. 
“Good girl, you’re doing so well for me Azzi, just keep breathing okay,” Paige’s voice is far calmer than she probably is in reality, “just keep breathing with me okay.”
Azzi closes her eyes as she feels her chest slowly start to loosen up and lets herself be immersed by Paige’s soothing words of comfort. And for a second, it almost feels as if her best friend is right there with her. For a second, Azzi imagines that they’re on a whole other planet, just them in their little world, like it always should have been, like she’d once been so sure it would be. It’s a beautiful dream that reality is quick to gatecrash. 
“Babe, is she okay?” Rose asks, and Azzi’s eyes fly open at the term of endearment. She’s not on a different planet. She’s alone. And Paige isn’t. 
“I’m fine,” Azzi breathes out and then more firmly, “I’m fine.”
“Thank God,” Paige lets out a sigh of relief before her tone turns sour “what the actual fuck Azzi?”
Azzi winces at the loudness, pretty sure she might have a concussion from the way her head had crashed back into her headrest as she’d crashed into the tree in front of her. 
“I’m fine,” she repeats assertedly, as everything around her slowly starts to make sense again. It’s not a lie really, at least not physically. There’s the potential concussion, and the litany of bruises she’s starting to feel all over her body but she’s pretty sure there’s nothing wrong internally. Well except for her stupid fucking heart but it wasn’t the accident that had fucked that organ up. 
“You just crashed your fucking car, no you’re not fucking fine,” Paige yells, voice thick with tears. 
“What the fuck do you care?” Azzi bites back, “sorry I interrupted your fucking night Paige. I swear it won’t happen again.”
She hangs up before Paige can say anything else, sitting deathly still for a second. And then she lets herself completely break apart. 
***
74 missed calls from Paige
did u go to the hospital 
pick up ur fucking phone 
dude
azzi
this is not the time for this stubborn bullshit 
PICK UP UR FUCKING PHONE 
AZZI 
just say ur ok at least
please 
called ur mom 
said u had a concussion and some bruising 
thats not too bad 
ur so fucking stupid 
it could be so much worse 
please pick up 
AZZI FUCKING FUDD PICK UP UR PHONE 
so u can call carol and not me ok 
thats just fucking perfect
dude i feel like an accident > stupid fights 
so maybe just pick up 
or call me back
u wanna play this stupid game fine 
ignore me for now
but i’mma be in dc for christmas
ur gonna have to talk to me 
i know where u live 
***
The box in Azzi’s arm feels freakishly heavy, like she’s holding the whole world inside of it. In a way, maybe she is. The walk up Paige’s dad’s driveway feels longer than it ever has and she’s fighting the urge to turn back with every step. As soon as she’d seen the vaguely threatening text message, Azzi had decided she would beat Paige to it. The night of the accident had put several things into perspective and Azzi was determined to finally grasp control of her own life. 
It hasn’t been that long since the Cayman Island and so it hasn’t been that long since Azzi’s seen Paige. But when the door opens and she’s face to face with her best friend, despite the dread and anxiety that’s drowning her heart, Azzi still feels that beat of it’s cold but you always make me feel warm flutter in her chest. Paige smiles and Azzi’s arms wobble, drawing the blonde’s attention to the box in her arms. 
“Still a couple of days till Christmas Az, a little early to give me my present,” Paige smirks lightly and Azzi feels a river of hot anger slide around her veins. After everything she’d put her through in the last couple of weeks, the fact that Paige could act so frivolous, as if they were still fine, makes Azzi see red. 
Her voice is icier than the sheet of frost on the ground when she replies, “it’s not a Christmas present.”
Paige’s eyebrows knit together questioningly, “then-”
“It’s all your stuff I had lying around,” Azzi cuts in, trying to keep her voice confident and stable. 
The smile disappears from Paige’s face as she studies Azzi's face, looking for some semblance of emotion beyond the blank stare. 
“What?”
“All the things you’ve left at my house over the years, a couple of t-shirts, a hat, a book and a couple other things, they’re in this box,” Azzi says pointedly. She tries to hand it over but Paige is quick to move away from it, staring at the offending object as if it’s a ticking time bomb. 
“What the actual fuck is going on Azzi?”
“I might have missed some things. Let me know if I have and I’ll mail them to you in the future,” Azzi recites clinically, keeping her demeanour stoic as possible “and of course I would like my things back as well. Not right now of course. You can mail them to me whenever it suits you.”
“Mail back your things? What? What the fuck are you going on about?” Paige asks, a bewildered expression taking on her face. She reaches out as if she wants to shake Azzi but seems to think better of it. 
Azzi doesn’t say anything, as she sidesteps Paige into the house, putting in the utmost effort to make sure no part of herself brushes up against the older girl, knowing the inevitable burst of electricity when they touch would be enough to break her resolve. She places the box of Paige’s stuff on the coffee table in the living room, before turning back to Paige. 
“I’m giving you your stuff back,” Azzi repeats, “I’m giving you what you want.”
“What I want? When did I ask for my stuff back?”
Azzi draws in a deep breath, fighting desperately against the screams of you don’t want this in her own head, “I’m giving you a clean break Paige. I’m letting you go.”
Saying those words feels a lot like free-falling. Her stomach lurches at the way Paige’s features scrunch up in pain and she’d never meant to do that, but Azzi’s so tired. She’s so tired of this push and pull, the way they seem to hurt each other every fucking time, the way things get so close to going right and then go wrong any way. The bitter truth of life, Azzi has forced herself to admit, is that it doesn’t matter how hard you fight, sometimes the darkness wins out anyway. 
“You think-,” Paige stutters, clutching at her chest, “you think this is what I want?”
“Well isn’t it?” 
“Of course n-”
“If I hadn’t called you that night would you have called me first Paige?  If I hadn’t gotten into that stupid accident, would you even have texted me ever again?”
Paige’s silence is an answer in itself . And although Azzi had known it, she can’t deny that there’s a part of her that had posed the question hoping against hope that Paige would have answered it with a resounding yes of course. She thinks maybe she should be used to the singe of disappointment that burns her skin by now but she’s never been immune to Paige’s fire. 
“That’s what I thought,” Azzi says quietly, “I’m tired of running after you Paige. I thought I was done after the Cayman Islands but then I- I don’t know- I don’t know why I called you that night when you- you clearly didn’t want that.”
“Azzi c’mon-”
“It’s my fault really. Because you've always been clear about it and I- for some reason- I just don’t listen. You were clear with it when you told me to go to UCLA and get out of your life. You were clear when you didn’t want me to come into your air BnB. You were clear when you told me to get out of the bathroom last summer. And when you left that night-,” Azzi pauses as Paige’s eyes widen, the words catching in her throat, “when you were gone that morning- every time you didn’t call- every time you didn’t text- you were always clear about it Paige and I- I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”
“You’re being really fucking unfair right now,” Paige accuses, “you’re mad because I didn’t want to be your fucking side whore? I’m so sorry I had more self-respect than that Azzi.”
Azzi blinks rapidly, her face still completely neutral, “excuse me?”
“You wanna blame me for those first two things, fine. But you have a whole ass girlfriend and you wanted me to be what? Just a girl you can fuck occasionally because you feel like it? Who the fuck do you think I am? I deserve so much better than that.”
“I don’t-”
“You wanna know why I left that morning?” Paige asks icily, “I woke up and the first thing I saw is your girlfriend’s fucking i miss you text. All that shit you said to me when I kissed you in LA about not wanting to be one of my groupies or whatever but what did you want me to be Azzi?”
When they were young and naive, the largest fight they’d ever had was about whether or not one of them had cheated in a game of horse. The allegations of cheater from a 15 year old Paige had seemed massive back then, but they pale in front of the accusations of cheater from a 22 year old Paige. It’s not that Azzi thinks she’s some prime example of a good samaritan and she can deal with people thinking she’s not all that, but it’s different when it’s Paige, it’s different to know that Paige could ever think so low of her. 
“You really think I’d do that you? That I’d make you my sidepiece or whatever?”
“What else am I supposed to think about you fucking me while you have a girlfriend?” Paige asks exasperatedly and Azzi flinches at the repeated use of the profanity. 
“Had.”
“What?”
Azzi grips the hem of her shirt, trying to focus her eyes anywhere but Paige, “I had a girlfriend. Past tense.”
“You- you broke up with Zoe?” Paige’s expression morphs from anger to confusion before finally settling on realisation. 
“I never wanted you to be a side piece. You think I don’t know you deserve better than that?” Azzi rubs her temple, as she tries to keep herself steady on her feet, “I know seeing that text hurt you but it’s not like you didn’t know I had a girlfriend. But- but if you’d just waited for me to wake up, god if you’d just talked to me once instead of jumping to conclusions then-”
“Then what?” Paige breathes out and Azzi doesn’t miss the little spurt of hope that’s taken birth on the older girl's face. 
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Azzi shakes her head, “that’s also past tense now.”
The thing with Paige is that anger is her protective mechanism. When she gets a little close to losing control of her emotions, or feeling too much, it’s what she falls back on so it’s not surprising that her tone is harsh when she speaks again. 
“How the fuck was I supposed to guess you were gonna break up with your girlfriend Az c’mon,” Paige takes a step towards her, “I’m not a fucking mind reader.”
“I never asked you to read my mind. I just- all I’ve ever wanted- is for you to just have a little faith in me- in us,” Azzi’s voice breaks on the last word. 
“That’s not fair. I was really fucking  hurt Azzi-” Paige begins, her voice pleading.
“And then you tried to hurt me back on purpose,” Azzi spits out as the façade of neutrality completely slips off, “you knew it was me calling and you had that girl pick up any way knowing exactly how it would make me feel.”
“Azzi,” baby blue eyes sparkle with tears and Azzi has to force herself to look away, because no matter how much she’s convinced that this is what needs to happen, seeing Paige break, will drown Azzi and she’s barely floating as it is. 
“I don’t enjoy hurting you Paige,” Azzi says softly, “and I don’t think you enjoy hurting me but for the last couple of years, I feel like that’s all we’ve been doing and I- I can’t do it anymore.”
It’s not something she’d ever admitted out loud, or even to herself, but once upon a time Azzi used to think her and Paige would have one of those stories, one of those soft, sappy fairytale-esque stories that had no chance of an ending that wasn’t happily ever after. And she hopes that maybe in another universe, maybe they did have that. Maybe in a universe where she chose UConn and things never went wrong in the first place. Maybe in that universe, they’re happy. But in this universe, they seem to be destined for misery. And Azzi thinks the saddest tragedy of it all, is that it feels like she’s ending a story that never even really got the chance to start. 
“So that’s it then, you’re walking away- you’re just- you’re fucking giving up?” Paige says bitterly, crossing her arms protectively over her chest and Azzi feels a flicker of annoyance light up against her ribcage. 
“Isn’t that what you did?” she accuses, “Is that not what you do? You walk away every. single. time. because you can’t deal with things getting just a little too fucking hard. And what? I’m just supposed to wait until you come back? Or chase after you like a pathetic little puppy?”
Paige flinches at the hardness in Azzi’s tone, mouth opening and closing but nothing escaping. 
“I’m so fucking tired of always being the one calling, the one showing up, the one trying. I’m so fucking tired of fighting for us when it feels like you’re fighting against me,” Azzi pauses,trying to blink away the tears she’d tried so hard to keep locked behind her eyelids, “if you wanna call that me giving up then okay, but I don’t think you realize just how fucking hard I want to hold on.”
Azzi’s not sure if it’s the way her voice cracks, or the absolute misery behind every word she says, but Paige's hard and cold expression is gone so fast it gives her whiplash. And then her Paige, the girl with the warm eyes and soft heart is back, looking at Azzi in a way that makes her want to believe in them all over again. Arms outstretched, Paige takes a step forwards and there’s nothing more Azzi wants then melt into them. It takes everything in her to step away instead. For a moment there’s nothing but them staring at each other in silence, a moment where Azzi tries to memorise everything about Paige just in case this is the last time. And then-
“What if,” Paige begins softly, “what if I entered the draft?”
Azzi looks at her in confusion, “what does that have to do with anything?”
“The Sparks have the second pick, it’s where I’m projected to go,” Paige bites at her lips, peering at Azzi through her eyelashes. 
The Sparks. The Los Angeles Sparks. 
“Is that what you want?” Azzi asks quietly, trying to prevent her brain from already coming up with dreams of stupid picnic dates at the park during sunset. 
Paige hesitates. And it’s enough for those dreams to crumble, because Azzi knows Paige just a little too well, knows exactly what that little bit of hesitation means. 
“I haven’t decided yet but if- if there was a reason that I should-”
“There isn’t,” Azzi says firmly, “it’s not what you want.”
“I don’t even fucking know what I want,” Paige argues and that doesn’t make it any better. 
“Then figure it out,” Azzi yells, frustratedly rubbing her hands over her face, “I won’t deal with you fucking resenting me and running away again in a couple of years- hell in a couple of months- because you regret your fucking decision.”
“I wouldn’t-”
“Please just stop. It's done. I’ve made up my mind” Azzi begs, exhaustion flooding into her body, “just- just let this go please.”
Paige meets her eyes with a stubborn fire, “I don’t fucking want to.”
“Well tough luck because I do.”
“Azzi,” Paige pleads desperately, trying to block Azzi as she beelines for the door, but the younger girl is quick to push past her. 
“Goodbye Paige.”
***
December 2024 
azzi please just let me in 
ur parent are saying u dont wanna see me 
and i get it 
but i can fix this i swear 
i know u know im here
please fucking let me in 
i fucked up 
i know 
im so fucking sorry
but dude we can fix this
just 
can u just fucking let me in
i really wanna see u 
i really wanna talk 
can we just fucking talk 
please 
merry christmas az
u know what fuck u actually 
didnt mean that sorry 
i was just mad 
u make me really fucking mad 
christmas breaks almost over 
i have to go back soon and ik u do too
we should talk before that 
ur so fucking stubborn 
but so am i
im not giving up 
i won’t 
January 2024
hi 
i miss you
ur really fucking annoying
not texting me back
but its fine
i’ll just fucking spam 
i had an ok day today 
practice was kinda ass 
not me tho
i was great
as always 
bet i made more threes than you did 
bro im watching ur game
and
what the fuck kinda airball did u just throw up 
get in the gym az jfc 
oh that was a good pullup
not better than mine
but decent 
been a fucking month azzi 
just fucking call me back 
or text me idk 
i miss u 
sooooooooooo
hows ur day
good? good.
hows mine?
oh kinda shit 
lets see
we lost in front of all these uconn legends
to their fucking rival 
everyones saying uconn fucking sucks 
some people are saying i suck
they might not be completely wrong 
now would be a good time to reply az 
like maybe make me feel better
fuck u actually 
what the fuck am i doing 
idk if u even read these 
February 2024
idk maybe i should stop 
like maybe only fucking psychos do this 
but idk bro 
i feel like ur gonna text me back eventually 
well sc was a shit show 
i mean we knew it but holy shit 
i really wanna talk to you about it
it’d mainly just be me fucking yelling 
and u giggling 
fuck i miss ur laugh
i miss you
idk if u just ignore these
so idk if ur gonna even see this 
but 
i wanted to tell you first 
before u saw it from somewhere else 
im staying at uconn 
u were right
i didnt want to leave yet 
i want my 4 years
but 
just dont think it means i didnt mean what i said
that i dont wanna be in la with u
i do
its not about that
i just need to do whats best for me
and thats staying here 
fuck
i get what u meant now
u didnt pick ucla over me
fuck fuck fuck 
im sorry az
is this how u felt 
when i didn’t text u back 
because it’s actually fucking hell 
i miss you so fucking much dude
i’m so sorry 
i’m really fucking sorry azzi 
for all of it
please just call me back
March 2024
last pac-12 tournament mvp!!
dude i’m so proud of you
we also won 
idk if u heard 
it wasnt easy either 
everything just always fucking goes wrong 
fucking pisses me off 
but oh well 
u know i dont even like texting 
idk how many messages ive sent u 
its gotta be hundreds atp 
insane shit on my part 
tf is wrong with me 
did u see the bracket
see u in the final 4 azzi 
April 2024 
i fucking told u 
i told you id see u in the final four
fucking meant it
fuck 
gonna kick yalls ass
revenge szn
we’re built different in march
cleveland here we fucking go 
but also
cant avoid me anymore 
i cant fucking wait to see you az  
***
UConn 87     UCLA 84 
There’s six seconds left to go and UCLA has control of the ball. The game today had been completely different from the on down in the Cayman Islands. That one had featured a UCLA team that had dominated from start to finish versus a UConn team still reeling from multiple injuries. This time around, UCLA seemed to have lost some of their shine and UConn had been on a tear. She would never give Paige the satisfaction of knowing it but her stupid goading, her incessant smirking because UConn seemed poised to win handedly, had gotten in Azzi’s head for most of the game. The fourth quarter had seen UConn enter with a 11 point lead that had held study until the last two and a half minutes when something had finally clicked for Azzi. 
“Told you, you should have fucking come to UConn,” Paige had sneered while casually dribbling the ball and that had been enough to break Azzi out of whatever funk she’d been in. All of her anger and frustration at Paige seemed to culminate into that one moment as she’d swiped the ball straight from Paige’s hands, narrowly avoiding a foul. An easy steal-and-score layup was followed by two signature three pointers, created by her team’s defence, and suddenly the lead had been cut down to three. On the other side, Muhl had been called for an offensive foul and immediately Coach Close had called for a timeout to advance the ball. 
When both teams get back on the court, Azzi, with her competitive streak in full control of her emotions, relishes in the way Paige’s face is contorted up in frustration. But it isn’t just this game that has Azzi irritated. Paige had been relentless since both teams had landed in Cleveland in trying to corner Azzi. She’d known it was gonna happen since she’d read the text but still Azzi had hoped that maybe the blonde would just let it go, would understand just how much Azzi didn’t want to have to deal with this. Because seeing Paige hurts. All the missing and yearning of the past few months seemed to have blended into this ball of tight hot pain that had burst the minute Paige had smiled at Azzi. She knows Paige means well, and it’s taking everything in her to ignore the part of her that’s secretly enamoured by how hard the point guard is trying finally, but Azzi just can’t do it again. She can’t let Paige in again and then spend every other second scared that Paige will run away again. 
The whistle blows and Charisma gets ready to inbound the ball. The play call had been to just get it to Azzi but it’s clearly one that UConn had anticipated, because she finds herself swarmed with Paige and Muhl both trying to make sure she doesn’t get the ball. Instead, it’s Kiki who gets the ball and the countdown starts, as Azzi fights to get herself free, running off of screens, to get herself open on the three point line. It takes too much time and they don’t have any more timeouts left. Kiki throws it inside to Lauren who misses the layup but gets her own rebound and somehow the ball finally finds its way into Azzi’s hands. And with barely a second left to go, and Paige’s hand firmly in her face, Azzi throws up a prayer. The arena goes deathly silent as the ball hits the back and then circles every inch of the rim before spilling over the edge and falling straight into Edwards’ hands. 
The crowd erupts in deafening cheers as the UConn bench rushes to the court, jubilantly hugging each other with Paige in the middle. Azzi blinks rapidly, refusing to be caught shedding a single tear on camera. Her teammates look distraught and Azzi feels disappointment curling into every crevice of her skin she’d almost had it. In the grand scheme of things she knows that, that shot would have only guaranteed overtime and not a win but still, it wouldn’t have meant a loss. And she knows this one isn’t completely on her either but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel the burden of it on her shoulders any way. 
But despite it all, seeing Paige’s bright smile stretch all over her beaming face as she celebrates with her team, soothes the sting of the loss just a little bit. Azzi still remembers late night calls and Paige’s broken voice too well, her brain imprinted with the misery of a girl who had just wanted to play the sport she loved and couldn’t. And even if everything between them resembles the remnants of an earthquake, Azzi can’t help but be just a little bit happy for Paige. 
The handshake line is better this time around with no one being unnecessarily hostile. One team is too happy to care and when Muhl briefly hugs her, Azzi can’t help but be a little shocked by the affection. Her team is too despondent to be mad, and Angela briefly nods at Paige when shaking her hand, and gets a reassuring grin in return. Azzi has to force herself not to run away, if only for decorum’s sake, once she and Paige finally get to each other. Trying to keep herself steady, she reaches out her hand to counter Paige’s outstretched arms. The smile falls a little bit from Paige’s face as a more resigned expression takes its place. 
“Good game Bueckers,” Azzi manages to muster out. 
The last name stings but Paige does her best to not let it show, “good game Az.”
***
When there’s a knock on the door to her hotel room a little bit after 10pm, Azzi knows exactly who it is. The look that Charisma gives her as she goes to open it, suggests that she does too. 
“Oh thank fucking god, I thought maybe y’all left already,” and there it is, Paige voice echoing through her room and from where she’s perched on the edge of bed, her feet dangling over the side, Azzi catches a brief glimpse of the UConn point guard. 
“Had a little bit of a transportation issue. We’re not leaving til tomorrow morning,” Charisma explains, “what are you doing here Paige?”
Paige shuffles her feet nervously at the doorway, peering over Charisma’s frame in the doorway to catch sight of Azzi, “can I talk to Azzi?”
“First you kick my ass in the final four, and now you wanna kick me out of my own room?” Charisma asks, voice light but there’s an edge of seriousness to it. 
“I-uh-” 
“Az,” Charisma turns to Azzi with a questioning look, and Azzi sighs at having all the attention on her, “you wanna talk to her?”
Say no. Say yes. Her head fights with itself. And for the last few months, Azzi’s done well with listening to the logical part of her brain, diligently sticking to letting go. But that had only been easy to do because Paige hadn’t actually been there. Now that she is, with bright hopeful eyes fixed on Azzi, well, this time the emotional side wins out. She nods her head in yes at Charisma and Paige seems to glow all over. 
“You’re lucky it’s me and not Angela or Kiki or any of the other girls,” Charisma warns, “but I swear to god Bueckers if I come back and there’s a single tear-”
“Then you have my permission to fucking murder me,” Paige vows, her face a paragon of sincerity. 
Charisma nods once, stepping aside to let Paige in. The Bruin’s point guard looks at Azzi once more for confirmation and then, satisfied by the small smile Azzi shoots at her, she leaves the room, letting the door shut behind her. And then it’s just Paige and Azzi and the myriad of unspoken thoughts that seem to always linger between them. 
“Hi,” Paige says softly. 
Azzi stares up at her with tired eyes, “shouldn’t you be celebrating or something?”
“Still one more game to go. Gotta lock in for that first.”
“Then go do that. What are you doing here?”
Paige flinches at the harsh tone and Azzi feels a wave of guilt come over her. She doesn’t mean to be so hostile but she’s scared that if she gives in just a little, all of her will go tumbling down. 
“Sunday is the most important game of my life,” Paige says quietly. 
“I know- I know it means a lot to you.”
“It does,” Paige nods, as she takes a step forward, hesitating for a second, before she drags a foot stool over, so she can sit right in front of Azzi, “will you stay for it?”
“That’s not-,” Azzi sucks in a deep breath, her senses muddle by having Paige so close to her again, “I thought I was clear about- about us.’
“You were but I thought I was clear with my texts,” Paige counters. 
“Paige please.”
“I just-,” Paige pauses, leaning forward and staring intently at Azzi, “I don’t know how the national championship is gonna go. I don’t know if we’re gonna win or lose but I just- I know that no matter what happens, I want you there. Because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. I just- I just want you there. With me. Always.”
Everything else floats away and for a moment, all Azzi knows is Paige, and the warmth that reverberates through her body at the earnestness in those words. If she could, she’d capture that feeling in a bottle and keep it forever. Because moments are fleeting. And when her brain catches up to her heart, and that voice in her head is back to echoing it won’t last, Azzi feels cold all over again. 
“You don’t believe me,” disappointment echoes in Paige’s voice; she’s always been a little too perceptive of Azzi’s emotions, “you think I don’t mean it?”
“I think you mean it now. I don’t think you’ll mean it forever,” Azzi shrugs. 
Paige is quiet, nerves on full display, as she cautiously reaches for Azzi’s hands with both of her own, an audible sigh of relief floating out of her lips when Azzi lets her. 
“I know I fucked up,” she begins quietly, thumb caressing Azzi’s palms, each trace sending jolts of electricy through the younger girl’s body, “like really fucked up and I get why you think that. I get why- why you’re so scared to believe me. And I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
A teardrop rolls down Paige’s cheek, falling onto their intertwined hands, and Azzi feels herself flinch, her own eyes beginning to glisten. 
“If I could go back in time, I’d change so many fucking things. I’d go back to the beginning- back to your room the night before you went to LA and- and I’d tell myself to shut the fuck up. I’d tell you that I supported you- that I understood that you weren’t choosing UCLA over me- and I’d- I’d tell you that it didn’t matter how many fucking miles away from me you were- we’d survive it. But I can’t- I can’t change the past. I can’t change that we fought. I can’t change that- that I was a fucking idiot for ignoring you for a year. I can’t change that I was a dumbass for leaving that morning.”
Tears are freely streaming from both of their eyes now as they grip each other’s hands tightly. There’s something cathartic about finally being able to cry, about finally being able to mourn the loss of what could have been together.And it feels a little bit like healing. 
Paige looks up at Azzi through watery eyelashes as she continues to speak, her voice wrecked with emotion, “and I’m not gonna make promises about how I’ll never do shit to hurt you again because god knows I can be really fucking stupid.”
They let out simultaneous giggles at that and Azzi can feel something in herself unravelling. 
“But what I can promise is that if you let me, every day- every fucking day that I live- I will try. To not hurt you. To make it up to you. To fix this. To fix us. And I can promise, that I will never ever fucking run away from you again. I know- I know it’s gonna be hard but I swear- I fucking swear- that I will stay right here and face it with you.”
“Paige,” Azzi whispers helplessly. It’s everything she’s wanted to hear and it’s too much. The voices in her head are too loud again, screams of she’ll hurt you, she always does, let her go colliding with shouts of it’s Paige, it’s your Paige, hold on to her. 
“You said- you said you were tired of fighting alone but you never- you never have to do that again because- because I’m here now. Fuck- Azzi I’m here. And I know- I know there’s so much we have to talk about and so much we still have to fucking deal with. But we can do that- we can- we can deal with anything. Because it’s us. Paige and Azzi. We can do anything. Together.”
Paige presses her forehead to Azzi’s, pulling their interlocked hands to her chest. They’re breathing in sync and Azzi can feel the thrum of Paige’s heart beat against her fingertips. Azzi’s eyes close of their own accord, as Paige’s lips brush over hers, her next words coming out in a breathless whisper. 
“Believe in me- believe in us just one more time, please.”
66 notes · View notes
vodika-vibes · 22 hours
Note
Congrats on your new follower event! Can I request pearl with Cody? Thanks!
It's Always Been You
Summary: You’ve been in love with your Commander almost since the moment you met him. Unfortunately, he seems to think that you’re just waiting until you meet someone better.
Pairing: Commander Cody x Reader
Word Count: 797
Prompts: Pearl - Honest Love
Warnings: Some misunderstanding, but it's cleared up pretty quickly
Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly
A/N: Thank you for your request! Sorry that it took so long~
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You fold your leg under yourself as you scan your datapad for the movie that you’re looking for. It’s late, late enough that you should probably be sleeping, but you’re far too wired to sleep. Besides, Cody is sprawled on the bed next to you, absently looking over your shoulder at your datapad.
You don’t get to spend a lot of time with him, what with the war and him being Marshal Commander, and the fact that you’re technically his subordinate and this whole relationship is a massive gray area.
But that’s a problem for future you to worry about. Present you just wants to be happy and safe and warm.
“Can’t find your movie?” Cody asks, his voice low and warm.
“I downloaded a lot of movies before we left Coruscant.” You admit as you continue scrolling, “And books. And music.”
He laughs and shifts to slide his arms around your waist as well as rest his head on your shoulder, “How much free time do you expect to have?”
“Well, assuming that no one does anything stupid, hopefully a lot.” You press your cheek against the top of his head and are rewarded with the sensation of his arms tightening around you.
“Well, I’m going to intentionally download a virus to give you something to do.”
“That’s so mean.” You say as you shoot him an amused look, “At least make it look like an accident.” He shoots you an angelic look, and you release a bubbling laugh.
For a moment, his expression is warm and fond, though it falters to something a little more wistful and longing. An expression that you’ve been seeing more and more on his face lately. 
Slowly you set your datapad down and you press your hand against his cheek, “Cody, is something wrong?”
“Why do you ask?”
“You look,” You pause as you try to place the emotion, “sad.” You finish.
Cody’s quiet for a long moment, long enough that you think that he’s going to ignore your question, and then he shifts and pulls away from you, moving so that he’s sitting on the bed next to you.
You sit up as well, “Cody?”
“You are far too observant,” He grumbles, as he doesn’t quite meet your gaze, “I’ve been thinking,” he adds, his voice carefully light, “about how long I’m going to have this for.”
You blink at him, “I mean…I’m not going to kick you out, but you have to go back to being Commander when the sun rises-?”
He laughs softly, “That’s not what I mean.”
“Oh.”
Cody is quiet for a moment, and when he speaks, it’s slow, as though he’s trying to think of the best way to say what he’s thinking, “I’m wondering how long I get to have you for. How long before you find someone better. Someone more deserving.”
His words hit you with all of the force of a slug shot.
“You think I’m looking for an upgrade?” You ask, genuinely hurt, “Have I said something to make you think that? Or…or did something?”  You wrack your memory, trying to think of a time when you might have even implied that you were looking for someone other.
His hand is warm against your cheek, pulling you from your spiraling thoughts with startling ease, “No. You’ve always been very good at keeping your focus on me when we’re together.” Cody says quietly, “But…we both know that this is temporary.”
“...is it?” You ask, somehow even more hurt, “I kind of thought it was forever. It kind of sounds like you’re the one looking for an upgrade.”
He stares at you hard, “I think there’s been a miscommunication somewhere.” Cody finally says, “Cyare, what are your feelings towards me?”
“I love you.” You say it easily. Because it is easy. It’s the easiest thing you’ve ever done, “But…but if you don’t feel the same way, I can pretend that I don’t.”
“Even though I’m just a clone?” Cody asks, “Even though you can have someone better?”
“You’re not ‘just an’ anything, Cody.” You say with a frown, “Not to me. And I don’t want ‘better’. What even is better? Richer? If I was worried about money I wouldn’t have joined the military.”
“I have no prospects for the future, cyare-”
“Cody is Cody and Cody is who I want.” You interrupt, “But…only if that’s what you want too.”
He laughs softly, and leans in to kiss you, slowly and deeply. “It is what I want. More than anything. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
You sigh softly, and climb into his lap, “You scared me. I thought you were going to kick me to the curb.”
“I would never.” His arms tighten around her, “I love you too, after all.”
54 notes · View notes
itsabouttimex2 · 2 days
Note
Hi, I was wondering if you could do platonic yandere monkiefam and bull demonfam with a younger sibling/child that is blind but can sense vibrations, like toph from Atla
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Monkiefam with a blind Y/N
Out of all three of them, MK struggles the most with your blindness. He means well, he really does! You didn’t grow up with the ability to sense vibrations and interpret them- you had to learn. And sometimes he thinks back to the days before you did, comforting you in his arms after a nasty spill brought on by a rearranged environment. He thinks back to getting into fistfights with bullies and pranksters, how he would see red each time someone would snatch things away from you or knock you over- and he remembers the feeling of teaching them to keep their hands off of you.
“I’m not trying to baby you,” MK loudly insists as you struggle in his grip. “But you need to take this with you if you’re going so far out!”
The two of you continue to struggle against one another as your older brother tries in vain to pin a tracking device to your backpack, notably holding back so he doesn’t hurt you. “C’mon, please?! Just let me put it on already!” MK lessens the force he’s exerting on you, deciding to try and barter instead. “You don’t even have to keep it on! Just for today, Y/N!”
Predictably, his attempts at diplomacy fail and you’re left to wrestle even more fervently in his grip, trying your absolute hardest to writhe free.
And then something slips under your shirt- a fluffy, prehensile tail that writhes against your ribs and leaves you in a giggling fit, MK free to stuff the tracker somewhere deep inside your bag. “Monkey King! Knock it off,” you wail out, fighting against his playful assault. “Stop!”
“Nope! Hate to be a joykill, bud- but I agree with MK. You’re taking the tracker if you wanna head out to that new cafe. Honestly, I don’t see why you wanna go at all when I could just whip something up with my-“
“I am not eating hair! Now get your tail off me!”
It’s incredibly frustrating, the way they treat you. It’s not quite to the point that you’d say they’re infantilizing you with their actions, but it can come very close.
MK’s babying is mostly tolerable, given that it comes from a lifetime of watching over you before you learned to sense vibrations and find your way around. He was there for you at your absolute lowest, and he’s not gonna forget all the people that messed with you because you looked like an easy target. Still, as you grow older his actions feel less ‘protective’ and more ‘stifling’.
Sun Wukong is far, far more irritating. You’re just too easy to scoop up! He can sneak up behind you on his cloud and sweep you into his arms and keep you there for hours on end as you struggle and kick, futilely trying to escape his furry grip. No vibrations can travel through the misty mounds of his nimbus mount, leaving you well and truly helpless in his arms.
The Great Sage’s intention isn’t to make you feel weak or vulnerable, but he certainly won’t raise a fuss as you squirm into his lap so you can at least feel the vibrations that race through his body with each breath he takes- it’s something, at least. Wukong twists around a little to accommodate your body, letting your head rest again this chest, listening to his thrumming heartbeat. The outline of his body flashes in your eyes, something to ground and settle you.
“Dad’s gotcha, bud/hun… I’ve gotcha…”
As for your other ‘dad’, Macaque mostly watches you from afar when you’re with Wukong and MK. He prefers to step in when he has the chance to have you all to himself, springing umbral portals underneath your feet, the shadowy pit dropping you from the ceiling and into his arms with a smug: “Hey kiddo-going somewhere?”
And before you can yell at him for springing this nonsense with you again, you pause, because… hey, why not use a chance when you’ve got it?
“Dad,” you start, forcing the awkward word off your tongue. Already, the sable simian perks up, his ego stroked at your acknowledgement of the role he wishes to take. “I’m heading to a café. You want me to bring you something back?”
Macaque traces a clawed finger across the bottom of your face, curving up in a semi-circle motion: cheek to chin to cheek. His way of telling you: ‘I’m smiling’. Softly, his palm comes to cup your cheek.
“I’ll take you there myself, kiddo.”
It’s not that he’s a better person than MK or Sun Wukong. In fact, he’s a lot worse. He was a vindictive, egotistical villain not too long ago. You think of the Dragon Palace of the East Sea, smashed to pieces, it’s residents displaced and it’s people injured. Men. Women. Children. Each of them, innocent. Mere collateral damage to the simian.
He’s displayed no remorse or regret for his actions. The only thing he’s felt shame for is his long-ago submissiveness to his sworn brothers.
He’s not a good person. Not in the slightest.
But he’ll try to be one. If only for your sake.
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Bullfam with a blind Y/N
It’s easy to feel out of place here. Your parents and brother are demon warriors, powerful celestials, prideful members of their esteemed and feared clan. Your vibration technique is nothing short of impressive, if not outright groundbreaking, but it hardly holds to the level your kin can reach.
It doesn’t help that you are rarely given the opportunity to prove your worth, no matter how you strive and fight for those precious chances.
Instead, you’re often relegated to support and menial chores, your family finding worth in your services by putting you to task with (safe) time-consuming labor. And you… kind of enjoy it? Because instead of “Don’t touch the laundry machine, you don’t know what you’re doing”, it’s “Y/N, clear the table and bring us the grimoire we unearthed last month,” Princess Iron Fan says, brushing some hair behind your ears and clipping it into place.
You shouldn’t be so happy about such a mild thing, shouldn’t be happy to be commanded and directed. But it’s proof that they don’t see you as entirely helpless, and allow you to contribute in some way, even if it’s small.
There’s a degree of normalcy in it, something you crave. To be treated like a regular member of the family, responsibilities and all.
Unlike the Monkiefam, Y/N doesn’t have much freedom before they learn their vibration technique. The Bullfam keeps you on a much shorter leash, often locking you in your room during fights or training, refusing to let you potentially wander into harm’s way. MK would carry you across the street to keep you safe while still giving you a chance to explore the city with him, Red Son would lock you in your room and serve you exclusively blended meals to keep you from making a mess and spilling things on yourself.
Secretly, he misses making those drinks for you. It was a very strange and unwanted; if surprisingly heartfelt, way of caring for you.
After all, they got used to the ways they took care of you. Learning to utilize the vibration technique teaches you how to be independent, but also shakes up the dynamics you have with your family. No more gentled bundled around the fortress on the Demon Bull King’s hands, for example. He used to scoop you into his palms and let you sit there, safely nestled into plush purple fur. His steps grow more cautious now that you absolutely insist on walking on your own (and your father does want to make you happy, so he begrudgingly allows you to wander the walls alone) the taurine warlord doing his best to keep from crushing you underfoot.
Not that they’re suddenly going to stop being obsessed with your safety and welfare. You are still under strict orders and schedules, and they don’t go easy on you for breaking them.
And if you ever do step out of line?
Red Son has an incredibly devious method of punishment for you- snow boots.
Sounds like a joke, right? It sounds funny, almost. Your parents don’t seem to mind all too much, and Red certainly derives are least a little bit of amusement from the scenario.
It’s not funny to you, though.
The matter of getting punished for exerting basic control over your life aside- they’re taking away your crutch. Without a thought of how helpless and vulnerable you feel as result, how terrified you are to be plunged into darkness again, how bad it hurts to remember the days you spent crying as child, scared and alone when you got lost, no way to find the path home.
He’ll feel bad for doing this to you, eventually. He always does, no matter how many times he swears that this will be the time he’ll “Make you wear them for a full hour, and it will be raised to two if you complain, Y/N!”
You’re wrapped in a blanket and drinking tea with him by the time a half-hour has passed.
He loves you, after all. Even if he thinks of you as a blithering little idiot sometimes- you’re still his cherished little sibling.
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neo404 · 2 days
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can you do an angsty fic where maybe nick is mad and says something he doesn't mean and how the reader reacts and how they work it out
Didn’t mean to.
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Summary: you were waiting for you boyfriend and his brothers to come back home so you and Nick can hang out after the recording of a video. Not knowing that Nick would come back angry, you try to comfort him but the anger got the best of him.
Tw: fighting, yelling, cursing.
Note: reader is kind of sensitive.
I was laying on the couch of Nick’s house, scrolling through my tiktok, laughing and sending some to Nick, when the front door slams open and Nick rushes to his room, I look at him confused and then I see Matt and Chris whispering to each other.
‘’Hey, what happened?’’ I ask concerned to them.
‘’Don’t know, he had a bad day and got mad.’’ Chris shrugs his shoulders.
‘’I’ll go talk to him.’’ I say, standing up and walking to his room.
‘’I think we have to give him some time.’’ Matt murmurs.
‘’I don’t know, maybe he’ll listen to his boyfriend and not be a jerk to him.’’ Chris said to Matt, and then turns to look at him. ‘’You can try, but I don’t know, he really seemed pissed off today.’’ I nod and thank them.
I make my way to Nicks room and knock on the door twice. ‘GO AWAY’ I hear from the inside. ‘’Nick, it’s me. Let’s talk.’’ A few seconds pass and I decide to open the door since he didn’t say a thing, I see Nick sitting on his bed, bouncing one leg up and down, his phone on one hand.
‘’I told you to go away.’’ He doesn’t even look at me.
‘’Nick, love. What got you so mad? You can talk about this with me…’’ I walk slowly to him and place my hand on his shoulder.
‘’God, you are so annoying. I told you to go away, I don’t need you or your stupid attempts of comfort. GO AWAY.’’ I stare at him dumbfounded, I feel my eyes watering and I rush away from his room. I bump into Matt and he looks at me concerned.
‘’Hey, hey. What happened?’’ I shake my head, one hand in my mouth trying to not cry. I run pass the front door and sit down on the porch, trying to get myself together but I can’t. Someone opens the door and sits beside me.
‘’I’m so sorry.’’ It was Chris. He puts one hand on my shoulder. ‘’I don’t know what happened, but he is just being an immature kid.’’ I sniff and cover my eyes with my hands.
Nick pov.
Fuck, fuck. I’m the worst, what the fuck is wrong with me? I shouldn’t have done that; I have to apologize. I take deep breaths, I hate being so emotional, I hate letting anger get the best of me. I walk outside my room, I’m not angry anymore, I’m ashamed. I see Matt standing on the living room with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.
‘’Hey Matt, have you see-…’’
‘’You fucked up.’’ He says, he sounds so serious. I know I did, but I can’t say a thing. ‘’He was crying Nick. You fucked up big.’’ He starts walking to his room.
‘’I know, I’m sorry.’’ I whisper more to myself than to him. I open the door and see him, my boyfriend, the guy I promised to love and take care of, being comforted by my brother because I fucked up. I touch Chris’ shoulder softly; he turns to look at me and when he realizes I’m not Matt he frowns. ‘’Hi, sorry. I need to talk to him…’’ he whispers something to him and leaves without saying a thing to me.
I slowly sit besides him, and let out a big sigh.
Your pov
I can’t look at him in the eyes. I can’t even look away from the floor. I love him so much, this hurts like hell, I need him to apologize, to admit he was wrong, because I need him to hug me and comfort me, because no one can do it like him. I need him to say that he was wrong, that he loves me and he’s sorry, I hate this.
‘’Baby…’’ he mumbles and my eyes fill with tears again, I hate being so sensitive. ‘’I am sorry. I fucked up, really bad. I didn’t mean anything I said, anything. I was mad, that’s no excuse to treat you the way I did. But please, hear me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I really am, I’m so ashamed of what I said and did, you mean the world to me. You are not annoying, I love you, a lot. And I do need you, I need your smile, your hugs and kisses, I need your words and humor, I need you on my life to not go crazy. I’m sorry baby…’’
I hug him, I don’t say anything. I just hug him, even when it still hurts, I forgive him. he rubs my back and whispers I’m sorry and I love you against my ear over and over again, until I stop crying.
‘’I forgive you.’’ I mumble against his chest. He lets out a sigh.
‘’Thank you.’’ His voice breaks. ‘’I’m sorry, baby. I really am. I love you…’’
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silverflqmes · 3 days
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hihi ellie ! i was wondering if i could request hcs with sugawara with a gymnast!reader (self projecting but i wanna see what ur thoughts on it are like <3) gn please <3 love u lots /p
໒⦂ 𝐆𝐘𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐂𝐒.
notes. hi hi luma, my memories of gymnastics and terms has diminished over the years bc i stopped at a young age, but i’ll try my best with this🫡
genre. fluff + crack
for @kurolumiis <3
koshi sugawara x gn!reader.
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⌗ sugawara definitely finds a way of balancing volleyball along with attending your meets ( i think this is the term.. )
⌗ loves to see you in your leotards all dressed up and sparkling, you’re like a shining star to him, certainly under the glow of the stadium lights<3
⌗ either made or purchased good luck charms for you to keep with you at any competitions you might have, especially if he cannot be there himself — but he tries his best to be!
⌗ should he have the time, he gets up extra early and prepares a nice meal for you to take with you if it’s an away tournament that he can’t attend, how sweet<3
⌗ your number one cheerleader!! i mean, have you seen him in the scene where he was like YAMAGUUUUCH, IPPON NICE SERVE!! yeah that’s him but cheering you on instead.. minus volleyball terms BUT DOES THAT SILLY MAGICAL GIRL POSE LMAO
⌗ he’s so proud of you out there he’s like YES THAT’S MY BABY OUT THERE SLAYING THE COMPETITION!! while holding a camera and recording BAH
⌗ helps you stretch if you’re sore and spots you if you’re practicing after hours and you don’t have someone to catch your limbs or prevent you from getting hurt in any way
⌗ SHOULD you get hurt, however, he’s got the first aid kit ready and you will likely get scolded for not being careful but it’s just him being worried about you cuz he doesn’t like seeing you hurt</3
⌗ loves when you attend his games, even if he isn’t on court 100% of the time, but y’know, appreciates it nonetheless cuz it displays you care for his interests as much as he does for yours
⌗ there was a leotard once that you were eyeing but was a little ( a lot ) out of your price range.. you had wanted it for your nationals, too, since you had gotten in — so sugawara surprised you with a nicely wrapped box once the results were in that you would be going, and it was none other than the leotard you were eyeing that day<3
⌗ out of curiosity, he asked you one day to teach him some things — i mean, the man can jump so high?? it’d be a shame not to try some stuff out..
⌗ and so you agreed to his request, finding it silly that he wanted to try what you do
⌗ it was safe to say that it was easier watching than actually doing.. and that trampolines made stunts MUCH EASIER THAN GYM MATS DID.
⌗ koshi still managed to do something from what you taught him, and albeit it a stunt as simplistic as running into a cartwheel going into a front handspring — it still warmed your heart that he took interest in what you do
⌗ it was also funny at times to hear him yelp cuz he was literally upside down for some things you had him try out LMAO
⌗ in return, after doing some much needed stretches to not have his body absolutely destroyed for practice the next morning, you had offered to try out his volleyball drills.
⌗ how hard could spiking be? ( if you’re short like me and aren’t the highest jumper — hard. but not as hard as blocking😵‍💫 although with timing it’s not as difficult.. )
⌗ it wasn’t as easy as it appeared from a distance, but it was still fun to do! a few sets later it would become a little more easier, and sugawara tossed in a way that was feasible enough for you to hit
⌗ brings you flowers on every competition, whether you win or lose he still brings them because you did really well out there regardless or the results!
⌗ just as he cheered for you during your meets, of course you also cheered for him during his like duh?? anytime he felt himself growing nervous — or the odds of winning had become close to zero, there you were lighting up his way<3
notes. that went a lot quicker than expected, i forget how easy hcs are LMAO but i hope you enjoyed luma<3 hearts to you from me /p and sugawara<3
↳ return to main masterlist . request rules . send an ask
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sokkastyles · 3 days
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Iroh is likely to hold a selfish grudge against Azula forever, he absentmindedly gave her gift from imperial conquest, abandoned her to an abusive household, shows angry and contempt to her before she does anything wrong, repeatedly tells Zuko to hate her and beat her up, says she’s crazy, puts Zuko and Azula against each other, gets angry that he got burned when he backed her into a corner, tells Zuko she doesn’t love him, even after she makes a speech about how much she loves him and wants him by her side, and treats Azula like the devil, while treating Ozai with much more compassion than he deserves
he’d probably want he to be executed, have her bending taken away, etc.
He also abandoned his traumatized 16 year old nephew to rule over a country all by himself for one of the most selfish reasons ever, so he can open a damn tea shop in a city he wanted to commit genocide in, which is in another continent, he also doesn’t show up to his coronation, what a dick
he also decides not to stop the airships and instead gives that job to 3 children, so he and his cult members can selfishly “liberate” Ba Sing Se because it was his “Destiny” what an asshole
I may be harsh on Ursa, but at least she TRIED
This is why the Azula fandom can't have nice things.
He's not "likely" to hold a selfish grudge, and doesn't in canon, so that argument is moot, anyway. Iroh is actually the one who says in the comics that going with Zuko to find Ursa might be good for her, because he clearly cares about her and wants her to have that closure.
He "absentmindedly" gave her a gift? What the fuck does that even mean? Azula also very purposefully burned that gift, though, while calling her uncle a lazy fatso. Azula stans trying to downplay or justify that by saying Iroh's gift wasn't good enough is really, really ugly behavior, and not an argument I am interested in.
He doesn't show contempt for her "before she does anything wrong", he is actually polite when she shows up lying to his and Zuko's faces, but he doesn't walk into her trap because he sees straight through her. Pretending that she did nothing wrong, when she absolutely has malicious intent there, is stupid and dishonest.
Same with pretending Azula was just defending herself in the Chase, because the reason she was there is because she had mercilessly tracked down the gaang, Zuko, and Iroh. Them teaming up against her is what we call Karma.
Even then, though, Iroh isn't actually angry at Azula. Even when he says "she's crazy and needs to go down," it's delivered in a deadpan and humorous way, not an angry way, and he says it for Zuko's benefit, to tell Zuko that he is allowed to defend himself. It is not about his feelings at all.
He doesn't pit Zuko against her, or tell Zuko to beat her up. He also doesn't treat Ozai with any compassion whatsoever. That's all complete nonsense that actually hurts your argument because it's transparent that you have no actual argument.
I'm also not going to entertain any argument about Iroh opening a tea shop in Ba Sing Se because he also was instrumental in saving that city, which actually changes the whole situation, which is why you left it out. He also did not abandon Zuko. I don't agree with everything in the comics but what they actually show is Zuko not wanting to bother Iroh, but when Aang takes him to Iroh at the end, he says Zuko is always welcome there.
And lol, Ursa "tried" according to you when she's not the current target of your nonsensical rant, but I don't think for a minute that you won't try to turn your "criticisms" towards her if you think it might absolve Azula of responsibility. That's all this is, just the completely ridiculous ramblings of someone who overidentifies with a selfish and cruel character because it feeds your own victim complex. You don't want Iroh or Ursa to try to help Azula, because that won't feed said victim complex.
Again, this is why the Azula fandom can't have nice things.
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itspileofgoodthings · 6 months
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this is your reminder that if I don’t follow you on tumblr I still love you.
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enigma-the-anomaly · 20 days
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:/
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odetolovers · 3 months
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it is absolutely wild the way i’ve allowed people to treat me
#every year i write an end of year recap i’ve been doing it since 2019#this year So much happened but one of the big things was breaking up with my ex#and it genuinely blows my mind how badly i was treated and the fact i stayed as long as i did#year and a half of clownery when i knew after 4 months i’d been sold a lie 😭#i feel so bad for past me because girlie you didnt deserve that!! nobody does!!!#it’s helped me sm in my current relationship because i know what it’s like to be the collateral for someone’s self hatred#it’s motivated me to heal and develop self esteem so i dont do that to my wonderful partner#they have really shown me what love is and let me tell you! it’s nothing i experienced with my ex!#mind blowing mind boggling i am never letting Anyone treat me that appallingly ever again#literally crazy i wish her a lot of healing and growth cos goddamn how are you terrified of being a bad person yet treat people like you#treated me. no wayyyy no way#i so believe in that thing of what people are most scared of they’re most likely to do#goddamn! 2023 man. wild time#valentina talks#i definitely made many a mistake which is why im not really like. Angry at her because i understand and i’ve had to change a lot and grow a#lot too. i think everyone just is perpetually making mistakes and growing and that’s okay. but it doesn’t mean the people you hurt need to#forgive you or think your actions were okay#just yeesh. i’m glad it’s over and i moved on
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bo0zey · 1 year
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being the oldest daughter raised by a narcissistic emotionally abusive father is just…👩‍🍳👌💋
#i don’t know why i always end up crying when i know exactly what to expect from him#the constant belittling then turning around and crying victim on how i ‘hurt’ him bc he can’t accept the fact that he did something wrong#i know i shouldn’t expect anything from him but it’s like this stupid fucking useless part of me during these moments is just#so heartbroken and frustrated because it’s not fair the child in me just wants to have a dad that cares and sees her as a human#nobody fuckjng cares if they hurt me and i don’t care if they hurt me either that’s why i hurt me too#he’s supposed to be my dad he’s my only parent left and he never should’ve been a parent to begin#i can’t believe how easily he turns things on me saying it’s my fault i never come talk to him and it’s like how the fuck#you were barely basically nonexistent the first 5 years of my life then barely there from then on out#how could i ever come to you how could i trust you just because i’m your daughter by blood doesn’t mean you’re not a stranger to me#you’re supposed to be the adult you’re my father you’re supposed to come to me and guide me why are you such a helpless fucking child#i do everything on my own i have nothing to say to you just like you have nothing to say to me#small talk only does so much i don’t want to talk to him i don’t care about our relationship#i’m just literally flabbergasted at the audacity he has to gaslight and manipulate me and ply victim when i’m the one he keeps hurting#it just reinforces the idea that my feelings are invalid my feelings have been invalid to him for the past 23years#i wish i was emotionless and unfeeling i wish he didn’t have the power to affect my emotions so strongly#i’m such a little kid i wish my mom was here i wish someone wanted to protect me and talk to me and at least try to understand me#i can’t wait to be dead i just want this to be over i’m just wasting time taking up someone else’s space#i think the only time i’ll be genuinely happy is when i’m dead#i don’t remember the last time i was actually happy unless i’m distracting myself#i’m constantly maladaptive daydreaming and when i’m not i’m at work trying to be a functioning an adult#but as soon as i’m home i’m back in my dream world where i don’t have to think about me at all#when gerard said When i grow up i want to be nothing at All that man read my my mind#ramblings#vent
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