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#the heart attack I would have

sea-lanterns · 15 days

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not sure if you saw the short posted but-

ARLECCHINO'S NAME IS PERUERE?!

- 💖

I saw the short! Baby Arlecchino is so cute and edgy as always lol (I can’t blame her though, she’s been through a lot)

I love seeing baby/kid versions of the genshin women because they’re just so adorable 🥺 it makes me wonder if having a kid with Arlecchino would make them look similar to when she did as a kid 💕

AHHHHH I WANNA HAVE MINI ARLECCHINOS RUNNING AROUND 😖

#🫧feeding the fishes #💖 anon #imagine your kids #are just like their father in which #they all have pet spiders #the heart attack I would have

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sunderwight · 4 months

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Liushen AU where SY transmigrates into SJ's older brother, and subsequently nopes them right out of the slavery backstory by using his general knowledge of the story and actually being an adult in a kid's body to just leave (basically) with SJ and YQ.

SY carts them both up to Cang Qiong for the next sect trials. It's actually not all that hard, the trickiest part is getting enough to eat and finding safe places to sleep between leaving the slavers and taking the trials (SY manages just barely, with considerable help from his new little brothers.) Nobody bothers to go after them because it's before Qiu Jianluo and this style of human traffickers mostly operate by virtue of their merchandise having nowhere else to go. Chasing down runaways is an expense not worth indulging, given that most of them either come straight back or die of exposure.

Anyway, they take the trials, and as expected YQY gets chosen to become a personal disciple for the sect leader, and SJ gets chosen by the Qing Jing Peak Lord, but also as (kind of) expected (by SY alone) nobody wants SY. He's older the Yue Qi, so too old, and unlike YQ and SJ his cultivation potential isn't striking enough to make any exceptions for him.

SY, however, can't leave it at that. He's spent more than five minutes with the street kid codependency gang, so he's gotten attached to both of them. And he knows what will happen if they're left to their own devices and The Plot proceeds accordingly. (Also, they keep threatening to not stay at the sect if SY doesn't stay too, for some reason.) So with a heavy heart and internal candle lit for himself, SY heads to Bai Zhan Peak. Which is the only peak that accepts disciples by way of them turning up and refusing to leave.

SY's not much of a fighter. He actually really hates the atmosphere on BZP, he's not bad at physical cultivation (his health's pretty good in this life, ironic considering how much worse his situation was) but the random ambushes and survival-of-the-fittest stuff is just not his brand. But that's okay, because it turns out that BZP actually DESPERATELY needs disciples on the actual peak who are interested in things other than fighting and cultivating their own strength. Stuff like, filling out requisition requests for An Ding every time things break, apologizing to An Ding every time things break again, organizing schedules, browbeating senior disciples into actually teaching, educating disciples on virtually any artistic or social skill, hosting lectures on how to beat vicious beasts without just overpowering them, and etc.

Okay so some of this stuff isn't and has never actually been on Bai Zhan's curriculum but Shen Yuan is going to make this place tolerable. And stop these children from needlessly getting acid burns or lyme disease or scurvy or whatever. He keeps internally chewing out Airplane for designing a sect system that means there are a lot of largely unsupervised 12-year-olds running around the wilderness on a mountain picking fights all the time. (When he actually meets Shang Qinghua and figures him out he switches to doing it in person, of course, in twice-monthly bitching sessions that look a lot like budding friendship.)

Of course one of the worst offenders is the Liu kid, who SY would suspect was actually raised by wolves if he didn't know for a fact that Liu Qingge has a younger sister, and also the kinds of nice clothing and letters from home that strongly imply not only does he have a family, but that the family is pretty well-off. Liu Qingge is at first deeply offended by SY being a BZP disciple. He rarely fights anyone, and uses tricks and evasion tactics whenever a fight can't be avoided. And he does other annoying stuff, like pestering him about meals and baths and lecturing him on identifying dangerous plants and the early signs of qi deviation. This is not what their peak is about! He should get with the program already! Just fight stuff until you're too tired to keep fighting stuff!

Also SY's younger brother, SJ, is pure evil (at least according to baby Liu Qingge) even though his other younger brother (?) is cool and nice.

Anyway, Liu Qingge stops complaining about SY after their first mission together, where Liu Qingge doesn't lose a fight but does get into a kind of pyrrhic victory situation where he's really badly hurt, and it's SY who helps him win (correctly identifying the monster and then pointing out its weakness) and takes care of him afterwards and gets him safely back to Cang Qiong. SY expresses surprise at LQG actually being polite to him, and LQG realizes that he's been a colossal ass if people think he wouldn't be grateful to someone who saved his life, so the usual Liushen dynamic proceeds from there. Liu Qingge starts bringing SY fans he leaves behind and hunts down animals that are supposed to be useful for bolstering weak cultivation, SY invites LQG to tea and keeps the critters as pets, etc etc.

SY doesn't get the Head Disciple position, because that's only acquired via beating the current peak lord in combat and lol no. Also he's not interested in stealing it from Liu Qingge, to whom it rightfully belongs (in his mind). But that's fine, because Liu Qingge takes the position when the next generation ascends and then he lets SY exclusively handle all the peak duties SY actually likes (mainly teaching). It's perfect -- Liu Qingge gets to focus on his War God antics and occasional administration/meetings without having to deal with students his has no patience for, but the disciples of BZP don't get neglected because SY is actually teaching and organizing classes and student care. BZP hasn't enjoyed a golden age like this since it was founded!

Things are pretty good overall, but Shen Yuan knows that it's only a matter of time before The Plot shows up, and so he can't rest completely easily.

Meanwhile, the will-they-or-won't-they bets on Liushen have been going strong for a while now. The thing is, most of their martial siblings are convinced that these two are already "together", and just being circumspect about it. Those who know SY well (like SJ, YQY, and SQH) know better but think that SY's romantic obtuseness is to blame, whereas those who know LQG well (LMY, WQW, and MQF) are pretty sure that it's actually LQG's obtuseness that's the problem. Of course it's actually both of them, so efforts to "fix" matters by getting through one of their thick skulls inevitably run afoul of the other's.

An additional complication is of course: SJ doesn't like LQG (mutual), and now that he's the leader of his own peak, he wants to poach SY to come and live there. Not only so he can have one of the 2 people he trusts actually close at hand, but also because SJ also hates actually teaching the atrocious little brats on his peak, and would like to have SY come and do it for him. YQY is still a total pushover for him too, and is also now the sect leader, so YQY agrees that SY can change peaks if SY and LQG both agree to it.

Liu Qingge, of course, is a no, but he's a variable "no". He's not going to hold Shen Yuan against his will or anything.

As for Shen Yuan, it's... complicated. He doesn't really like BZP, but it's gotten a lot better than it was at the start. These days he's actually pretty proud of his accomplishments, and it's more comfortable, but it's still a rough and rowdy place with fewer creature comforts, libraries, or other appealing points than QJP. Also, if he goes to Qing Jing to teach, he can personally ensure that SJ doesn't go around persecuting any of his students!

But... SJ never lived with the Qiu family in this AU, and even though SY's not totally clear on what the PIDW backstory for SJ was, he knows he's a better guy now than the scum villain in the book was. He has a reputation for making cutting remarks, not for being an abusive snake or a lecher. SY's honestly less worried about him doing anything bad at all, and there are other people on QJP who can teach. It might even be good for SJ to promote more people to fill out a social circle he can rely on! That guy needs more friends, seriously.

And QJP really doesn't need more layabout literary intellectual types who get into pointless arguments, which is all SY would be if he went there. Just yet another nerdy scholar for the rich kids with middling cultivation that the peak favors to ignore. At least on BZP he's filling a gap.

SY is clearly torn, and the fact that SY's considering it has LQG upset, and LQG doesn't handle being upset very well, so of course they have an argument about it. SY storms off to cool his head and LQG is like, this is it, he's gone to Qing Jing Peak, I've drive him off by being too aggressive and he's probably remembering all those times I told him he didn't belong here and oh no what have I done maybe if I build him a heated bath and get him books he will come back???

Turns out that SY just went to An Ding to vent at SQH while SQH was like "I think you would have fewer problems if you and Liu Qingge just got married and my disciples could call you Shigu to your face instead of behind your back" and SY threw melon seeds at him and sulked on his fainting couch (which is always cold for some reason...)

Thus begins the Liushen Divorce Arc where SY tries to be anywhere but BZP or QJP, Liu Qingge tries to figure out what thing he can punch to fix this not-punchable problem, SJ is like "I don't see what the big deal is they should break up Liu Qingge is awful and I want my brother to teach my classes for me" like the spoiled youngest sibling he's finally allowed to be, YQY is trying to moderate this Hades vs Demeter situation and is all "well maybe SY could spend half the year on QJP and half on BZP?", and Liu Mingyan is going "I know my brother if this doesn't work out he is going to die single and pining like an idiot" and so keeps conscripting other disciples to y'know, lock SY and LQG into storage closets together (ineffective: LQG can punch through walls) or at least get them in the same room (underestimating SY's willingness to yeet himself out of windows to avoid awkward social interactions.)

By the time Luo Binghe joins the sect (as a Qiong Ding disciple), the drama is in full swing and is the main topic of gossip across most of the peaks.

#svsss #scum villain's self saving system #liushen #long post #sy doesn't even realize lbh has already arrived until someone mentions 'luo-shidi' on qiong ding in passing #he nearly has a heart attack #why isn't this kid on qing jing peak?!#(why would he be on QJP now though? SJ's not gonna want him not even to pathologically torment and he's promising enough for QDP)#SY: well I guess... that settles that? not enough reason to move to QJP if luo binghe isn't even there. everything can stop being weird now #LQG: then we shall have a spring wedding #I like to think the changes to the world are so substantial that the setting just shifts to a less angsty action/adventure story #now the cang qiong crowd are the colorful side characters instead of complicit in lbh's many torments

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ghost-bxrd · 2 months

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Prompt:

A whole ass zombie apocalypse wasn’t something Jason thought he’d ever have to worry about.

Not that he has to worry about it now, either, considering he just got bit.

Everyone knows what you gotta do in these scenarios. Your loved ones will cry (“awe, Dickie, you do care”), they’ll try to find a different way (“shut up Bruce. Even you can’t concoct a cure in two hours”) and blame themselves (“fuck you, Timmers, I want you to know I died because you wanted that damn coffe!”…. Yeah, he could have handled that one better in hindsight) and then, ultimately, they’re gonna put a bullet in your brain. For the sake of the group.

And it’s fine, really. Better than turning into a mindless, flesh eating meat sack. He was ready. He got to say goodbye. It’s fine.

Or it would have been fine, if any of those damn cowards had pulled the friggin trigger.

Now Jason is clinically semi-dead (don’t ask him, he doesn’t know how this shit works either) and still annoyingly in charge of his mental faculties while also harboring a rather concerning craving for human flesh.

Fuck.

#non traditional zombie au lol #prompts #the batfam couldn’t bear to shoot Jason #and in this case it worked out alright #now Jason is trying to find his family again #and make sure they don’t brain themselves by tripping over a rock #because obviously they can’t be trusted with the simplest of survival things #like shooting the infected group member jfc he’s too old for this shit #or young #anyway Jason has to juggle being a zombie and discreetly protecting his family from afar #and maybe also give them some heart attacks by play acting like the actual zombies #because f u Dick this is exactly what would have happened if I didn’t get the premium zombie upgrade!#jason todd #batfamily #dick grayson #bruce wayne #batfam #robin #red hood #tim drake #batman #Damian al ghul Damian wayne #Cassandra Cain #duke thomas #Stephanie brown #Alfred pennyworth

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babygirlsteddie · 2 years

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i see your 'steve sees eddie's hair in a bun for the first time and nearly creams his pants' and i raise you 'steve grows his hair out during whatever fucking apocalypse is happening in hawkins and ties it up and eddie literally can't find words to speak for three whole minutes'

#steddie #i just think that eddie would promptly have a heart attack and then blow steve behind a tree #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson

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snufkins-boot · 11 months

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Dcxdp idea: Ra’s try’s to offer a 6y/o Damian to Danny in exchange for immortality and Danny is just like:

“um, no? I’m the ghost king? Why would I give out immortality? Also this is a fucking child!”

So ra’s gets told to fuck himself and Danny takes Damian anyway as his child.

Sam and Tucker don’t question why he has a random child now, they just go with it because why not. He’s done weirder.

Years later Bruce finds out about his son and is in a costody battle with the fucking ghost king, a plant goddess and a pharaoh.

Or, alternatively: co-parenting.

#Danny just comes home with a small child one day #and no one questions it #because why would they #Constantine is having a fucking heart attack #because why is Bruce suddenly shit talking the king of the dead #bruce: you’re my son you do as I say #Damian: I’ve got another three parents who disagree #dcxdp #danny phantom #danny phantom crossover #writing prompts #dp x dc crossover #dc #justice league

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shima-draws · 3 months

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One Piece where everything’s the same except Cora doesn’t die but Law’s still determined to absolutely beat the shit out of Doflamingo anyway. Cut to post Dressrosa where Law gets a VERY frantic phone call from Cora who’s like what the actual FUCK I saw the newspaper this morning you went up against Doffy all by yourself?? You promised me we would do this together you little SHIT do you have any idea how fucking scared out of my MIND I was when I saw the headline and I thought something happened to you, Law I swear to god, and Law’s like yes Cora I went up against him by myself, like HELL I was going to let him lay a single finger on you. And Cora’s like THAT’S MY LINE!!! You’re MY kid and I should be the one protecting YOU!! And Law’s like what with your shitty devil fruit powers? What could you have done? You would have fallen on your ass and gotten hurt or shot or worse and I’d be too fucking worried about you to focus on anything else. And Cora’s like this conversation is NOT over but I’m so so glad you’re okay. And he starts crying and he’s like oh my GOD Law you know how insane Doffy is I could have lost you. And I wouldn’t have even known until after the fact. And Law goes all quiet and he’s like I know I’m sorry but I could have lost YOU and I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t. And Cora’s sobbing and he’s like I love you so much Law and Law’s like yeah. I love you too 🥺

Meanwhile the Strawhats witnessed this entire conversation and they’re like. Wow okay that was a lot to unpack. Law’s got a dad and they’re very protective of each other and apparently his dad is Doflamingo’s brother?? And Law literally dismantled Doflamingo’s entire criminal organization and DIDN’T bother telling his dad about it?? No wonder he’s pissed. And they’re also like awwwww we’ve never seen Law so soft and vulnerable before 💕 and Law looks at them and he’s like. You repeat ANY of what you just heard and I WILL kill you. And they’re like ‘Mhmm okay yup we hear you loud and clear. Btw what’s your dad like’ with the BIGGEST shit eating grins and Law’s like Okay! Killing you now!! And proceeds to chase them with his katana

#Sorry I just wrote an entire fic on my post. Coughs anyway #Law keeping Cora in the dark about taking down Doflamingo is SUCH a funny concept to me #Bc well. It’s CORA’S brother. If anybody should take him down it would be him yeha #*yeah #But nope Law’s also an overprotective little shit so he’s like I’m going to do this and NOT tell Cora about it.#And when Cora sees the newspaper he proceeds to have a heart attack #Cora: WHAT THE ACTUAL F U C K #Cora: IS MY KID OKAY.#Robin: It’s lovely that you have a father that cares for you so much Torao-kun ^^#Law blushing furiously: Not another WORD Nico-ya #Meanwhile Cora is hopping on a boat and BOOKING it to Dressrosa #Cora: HAVE YOU SEEN MY SON #Luffy: Hehe your dad’s funny Torao! I like him ^^#Cora: Is that your boyfriend #Law: NO??????#OKAY I’M SORRY I’LL STOP LMAO #One Piece #Corazon #Trafalgar Law #Donquixote Rocinante #Shima speaks

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hikarry · 4 months

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This is really good proof both Michael and David are not afraid of heights and have good balance

Satan knows my gay ass would faceplant a second after I was put up there

#my balance is shit and im terrified of heights #this is why i was only an actor for 5 years #if someone asked me to act on top of something like that i would have a heart attack #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #david tennant #michael sheen #anthony j crowley

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gaudiest-hubris · 2 months

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btw for those that missed the roasting of tubbo his friends basically called him a horny party animal with zero consideration for the time of day who would/has shagged everyone remotely male looking that breathes in his area

#tubbo #Personally I felt the roasts were a bit mid #Chat could have done better #But no one else in chat was saying that #If even an ounce of what was said was accurate 2020 uwu tubbo fans would die of a heart attack #I hope it’s true #It would be funny

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moss-on-trees · 1 year

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dp x dc prompt: snow white au

danny pulls away from his friends and family due to an incident where a ghost coming to challenge him for the throne almost killed jazz. he flees to the ghost zone and spends his time ruling the ghost zone - which is suprisingly chill, considering ghosts are used to ruling themselves. he could do without the paperwork - and helping clockwork set the timeline right when it is necessary. he is only ever out in his human form when he is travelling back in time.

on one occasion, he is about to go back to the ghost zone after handling an issue with the timestream in [insert distant time period there] in another dimension when he is stabbed in the back while he is in his human form. close to death, he freezes himself with his ice so he can be safe while he heals, waiting for clockwork to take him back. but the ghost of time never does what's expected of him: he puts danny in a time out and hides him from view.

eons later, a team of superheroes find a young man trapped in glowing ice with a green sticky note stuck next to his face saying it is time for the ghost king to wake up.

#tw corpse #dp x dc au #dp x dc prompt #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc #ghost king au #this could be either the teen titans #or the young justice team #and there can be any pairing really but i think either dick x danny or tim x danny would work well #constantine is about to have a heart attack

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barricades-of-fandom · 21 days

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Y'all, I know we joked about Brennen Lee Mulligan just making the intrepid heroes take a timed exam this season but I didn't think we'd be RIGHT

#fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #brennan lee mulligan #intrepid heroes #he really said its exam time bitches #i would have had a heart attack there and then ngl #personal

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