#the amount of hatred i have for this man i SWEAR TO GOD

[your-littlesecret]

i am so glad this cursed website tumblr dot com exists so i can not see people saying ferrari should keep sainz and fire charles instead bc i only follow beautiful intelligent and correct people who do not lick the balls of a man who cannot obey team orders, don’t own up to his own mistakes and thinks he should always be the center of attention

#bubbles posts #anti carlos sainz #the amount of hatred i have for this man i SWEAR TO GOD #you wont see me hating on ANYONE more than him #i REALLY need him to leave ferrari RIGHT NOW so i don’t have to see his ugly face all the time #like literally. once he goes to another team chances are i won’t even SPEAK about him bc out of sight out of mind #didn’t even see this race but i went into instagram and then i came here and i was ‘one of those things is not right’ #‘smooth operator’ such my dick

[saratinz]

Erase Him From Your Brain

pairing ➩ Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

warnings ➩ angst, drinking, smut, pure filth, spanking, daddy kink, dom/sub dynamics, degradation, praise, pet names (good girl, slut)

synopsis ➩ sequel to 'Fuck Away the Pain'

word count ➩ 1.4k

a/n ➩ to celebrate reaching 69 followers, I give you part 2. comment to be added to taglist.

Your date with bucky is tonight, and you could not be more nervous. It’s weird, the fact that you’re about to have a romantic evening with the guy who you only had hatred towards two weeks ago. There’s a thin line between love and hate, and you two had crossed it. You have no idea what’s going to happen at this dinner. He picked a fancy restaurant, but no amount of money spent can make up for a lack of connection. And that’s your worst fear, realizing that even though your sexual chemistry is off the charts, your ideas of romance might clash. 

You went through hundreds of different outcomes in your head, but never did you expect this one to even be possible. “Ma’am, if he’s not gonna show up, I need you to give up the table.”

“Thank you for being so patient, he’s not coming. Here, let me give you, $20, for your time.”

“I’m so sorry about your boyfriend.”

“Appreciate it. Have a good evening.”

When you get back to the compound, you can’t stop the tears that flood your eyes. How could he do this to you? How could you fall for it, fall for him? Whatever shred of respect you had for him a month ago is gone. James Barnes is a no-good, very bad, wretched man, and no amount of charm will ever get him out of this hole he dug. You are done. Done with lies, done with assholes, and done with love. What even is love anyway? Seems like all it does is cause pain. Your thoughts race as you lie in your bed, wondering what the fuck you did wrong. You’ve felt this pain before, you know you can beat it, but everything feels so awful. You want this hurt to be gone. Why won’t it just go away? Why won’t he just go away? That’s your last thought before you drift off into a not-so-peaceful slumber.

You wake up to violent knocking, with your eyes puffy and pillow stained with makeup. “Y/n, it’s Bucky.” Fuck this, you roll over, figuring he’ll eventually go away. “I know you’re in there, F.R.I.D.A.Y confirmed for me.

“Fuck off James.”

“C’mon baby, just let me apologize.”

“Get away or I swear to god, I’ll make your life a living hell.”

“Just, I rescheduled our dinner for tonight, if you don’t come, I understand, but I’m giving you the option.”

“Hope you’re more embarrassed than you’ve ever been in your life.”

“I love you. ”

“Fuck you.”

“Okay, I’m leaving.” You scream into your pillow. The thought of going to dinner with Bucky makes you sick. It still crosses your mind though. No, you refuse to think about what could happen. Like how he could apologize, could be easy to talk to, could be your soulmate. Shut up brain. You do not want the guy who betrayed you, the guy who teased you to no end. You hope he’s in pain, and maybe that’s wrong, but it’s simply how you feel. 

You’re not usually a day-drinker, but this situation calls for it. You cradle your favorite drink, sipping it way faster than you should. You see a familiar face passing. “Hey Sam.”

“Hey Y/n. I need to talk to you.”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Bucky.”

“God, please don’t tell me he put you up to this.”

“He’s so sorry. He had a few drinks before dinner, he was so nervous, he wanted things to be perfect. He passed out from not sleeping or eating.”

“Here’s the thing, I don’t care what happened. I was scared too, but I showed up anyway.”

“He wanted me to give you this.” 

“Take it back to him, I don’t want it.”

“He said even if you didn’t open it, I have to force you to take the box.”

“Sam you’re really getting on my nerves.”

“Y/n, you want my honest opinion?”

“Go ahead.”

“He’s an asshole, you deserve better.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“Because even though he sucks sometimes, he’s never cared about anyone half as much as he cares about you. He’s always had your back.”

“That’s what you do when your an Avenger.”

“No, I mean he literally begs people to check up on you, to look after you, hell, he convinced Steve to give you a chance.”

“I didn’t ask for him to do any of those things, and look how well my thing with Steve ended.”

“He cares more about you than he does his best friend, that’s what came between them. You’re special, he didn’t intentionally fuck this up, that’s just what you get when you fall in love with him. So please, for the love of god, take him back, so that I never have to do this again. I will pay you to go on this date. Name your price.”

“One million.”

“I was thinking more like $50.”

“I’m not going to dinner.”

“Just, don’t drink too much, okay?”

“I know. Goodbye Sam.”

“Bye.” Once he leaves, you get right back to self-medicating. The drinks start to taste less and less like alcohol. You know your limits, and you use that knowledge to drink as much as you can without blacking out. When you finally cut yourself off, you realize it’s time for dinner. But there’s no way you’re going. Even drunk you knows that’s a bad idea. 

Bucky clouds your mind, like the virus he is. How do you even explain your feelings toward him? He’s just, he won’t get out of your head. You kinda wanna go to dinner. Wait, what? No you don’t, let him be so embarrassed like you were. But he’s so hot, and good at sex. No, shut up brain. And you love him. Well, that you can’t deny. No matter what you tell yourself, that will always be true. Fuck it, fuck reasoning, you are going to stop him from going. You don’t want him in pain like you are. 

You practically sprint to his room, trying to catch him before he leaves. You run into him in the hallway with his room. “James, don’t do this.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s humiliating.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well, I do. I still love you, I don’t want you to go through with this.”

“There’s nothing you can do to stop me.” 

“Not even if I let you fuck me?” You put on your best pouty face.

“What?”

“Not even if I suck your dick?”

“Y/n, stop it.”

“Not even if I call you daddy?”

“How, how did you know I like that?”

“I didn’t, but I do now.”

“Shut up.”

“Guess you’re just gonna have to punish me, daddy.” All of a sudden, you’re pushed against the wall, caged in, and getting really turned on.

“You wanna be a brat? I’ll treat you like one.”

“Do your worst.” His lips are on yours in an instant, and it’s a filthy kiss, just tongue and teeth. You yelp as Bucky pulls away and throws you over his shoulder. Once you get inside his room, he walks to the bed and tosses you onto it. 

“Take your clothes off, underwear too.” You do as he said, feeling self-conscience under his dark gaze. “Good girl, now I’m gonna sit down, and you’re gonna lay across my legs.” Crawling onto his lap, you cry out as he smacks his hand across your ass. 

“What the fuck?” Another hit.

“You begged me to do this with your bad behavior. I can’t just let you get away with whatever. I’m gonna make you my obedient little slut, it’s time you learn a lesson or two. But if you feel uncomfortable, just say the word ‘red’ and I will stop.” Once again, you’re struck. “After every spank, I’m gonna need you to say ‘thank you, daddy’. You got that?”

“James, that’s humiliating.” He puts all of his strength into the next blow.

“That’s not my name princess, now what do you say?”

“Thank you, daddy.” You reluctantly mumble.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Thank you, daddy.” You scream.

“Good fucking girl. Now we’re gonna do that 20 more times.” 

When your punishment is finally over, your eyes are puffy and your face is soaked. “It’s over honey, you did so good.” He helps you straddle him, kissing your tears away. You lay your head on his shoulder, wishing this feeling will last forever. He lies down, maneuvering your limp body so that you can use his still clothed chest as a pillow. You’re super drowsy, from the alcohol and spanking, and before long, you fall into a deep slumber.

Previous part / Masterlist / Next part

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #song fic #angst #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #smut

[artheresy]

No but I don’t think anyone understands how deeply I need to witness Blade identity crisis content like, the focus on identity usually with the HCQ and the struggles usually centers around Dan Heng because of course! We get the content in canon touched upon, expanding on it with your own view is so much fun and I want to do it myself at some point.

But the potential of Blade? And exploring his fucked relationship with his identity and with Yingxing? MWAH, delicious, and not done enough compared to something I do see a bit whenever the topic comes up which no hate to anyone for but I have my own opinions on it

Like, shit Blade has HUGE issues with dehumanizing himself as a result of Jingliu’s teaching in which she projected her own self dehumanization onto him and taught him to turn his body into a weapon and remember the feeling of death. He doesn’t view himself as being a person, he is nothing more than a sword for slaying, a weapon whose path is soaked in the blood of both his victims and himself. And UGH listen, I’ve already ranted about this so many times that y’all are probably tired of hearing me talk about it.. it truly is one of my favorite topics, the disconnection between Yingxing and Blade that does exist in canon to certain extent. Though he takes on the weight of his sin as his own and his duty to repay it (and make sure Dan Heng repays it too), the ways in which he doesn’t connect to Yingxing in other matters is used in such a tragic way when you peel back the layers upon layers that can relate to the simplest things. Like fucking hell, not to mention it again but the use of craftsmanship between the two of them is heartbreaking as crafting represents not only what he happened to do as apart of the HCQ and in the end his legacy, but how it is used as a representation of his passion that Blade does not share, how it represents the revenge that dominated his life as Yingxing built on the pain and trauma of losing his entire family and home while still such a young child which Blade probably doesn’t even fully remember anymore let alone connect with. I swear, that hurts, it hurts me every time I think about it.

I also just have a lot of my own headcanons that I firmly don’t think are canon, but are things I instead sprinkle in like finishing salt into my wounds to make myself even more sad. Like thinking about Blade in a way constantly being in mourning, not solely for Baiheng, but genuinely in mourning for Yingxing as well. Although he used to be Yingxing, that man is still dead and gone and never coming back, never in a way that will actually be Yingxing. So I like to imagine he mourns for him as well. Not just his death but mourns the severed connection between them. The passions he cannot submerge himself in, the pure dedication he cannot fathom, the love and happiness he cannot even begin to imagine the feeling of. Or at least not the warmth of them, he only feels the bitter shards of those feelings left within him, making his hatred all the more agonizing and deep set.

Hm… I wonder how we’re going to see Blade progress as the story keeps going on. I do truly hope we get more of an exploration of this. I need to see what happens to him. I need to see how his mindset ends up evolving or instead of evolving, the sheer amount of shit it ends up getting him into. God do I love this man, sorry that my love manifests in needing to see him suffering. It just comes with the territory

#maybe I’ll get more into my confusion about it one day #but not today! im tired and planning to finally finish a bigger post ive been taking ages on hopefully this weekend #hsr #honkai star rail #hsr blade #yingxing #ramble post #might delete later #idk #im tired

[themoonsbride]

She's Mine, You Stay Away From Her .

pairing; Peter Ballard x Fem!Reader

summary; Reader is basically in Elevens spot like in the episodes leading up to 7; The Massacre at Hawkins Lab in season 4

warnings; swearing, descriptions of - Murder, insanity, hatred, being shocked, anxiety, isolation. Peter himself is considered a warning for this fic.

a/n; I've spent forever working on this agh!!! it's been taking up my time of working on other requests </3 but I got the inspiration of this fic based of an edit I saw of Peter to this song! I also just really wanted to write him to a Pierce The Veil song because they're my favorite band :) (HOPING THIS DOESNT FLOP HHJ)

word count; 5.1k

--×♥︎×--

The lingering quietness was always off putting inside of Hawkins Labrotory. It always made you feel uneasy. The fact that you were forced to live and work here everyday for most likely the rest of your life was uneasy.

But there was nothing that could be done, Martin Brenner was a dangerously powerful man who ruled over everybody that was within the walls of his facility.

And it was clear to you that he had not a single silver of an amount for care for the humans inside of his building either. If he did, he wouldn't be scientifically experimenting on children to give them different forms of physiological powers. It was inhuman to do this to undeveloped brains of practically toddlers.

And you having to watch and document it happen every single day was picking away at your sanity piece by piece. What you would do if you could've had the power the children withheld.

You would take matters into your own hands and put an end to all of this insanity that went on, put an end to the man behind the madness.

You weren't sure if you were losing your sanity, or if it was already lost. But you would do anything to break free of this hell, Martin seemed to be Satan himself when someone did something he didn't like, if they even breathed the wrong way, his wrath would come their way and would last for longer than you'd prefer to admit.

But you weren't the only one who seemed to grow this type of hatred for a place like this, no. There was another, And though you'd never been directly told you weren't the only one, you could tell. It was obvious in your eyes.

He seemed to be Brenners favorite, and also his most hated worker, And his name is Peter Ballard. A man with the facial features made of pure beauty like a God.

He isolated from others, as they were uninterested in him and often spat shit at him, infront of him and behind his back and you'd heard it all. Some of the pesky rumors that went around about that gorgeous man seemed so ridiculous a fucking 4th grader could've came up with better.

You were both just looking at eachother, the tension wasn't awkward between the two of you, she was nervous to be standing before you, you towered over her.

She probably would have started to sweat thick bullets if it weren't constantly fucking cold. Which surprisingly didn't constantly get the children sick, maybe them having humanly impossible powers strengthened their immune system to the point they don't get sick anymore.

It wouldn't suprise you if that were true, nothing was surprising anymore unless Brenner left you off with a warning and not 3 hours of you getting shocked to the point your nerves went numb and you felt like you were about to take your last fucking breathe.

"play." Eleven mumbled out and lightly tugged on the hem of your skirt. you raised a brow at her, your face felt blank, and numb, you felt numb inside too.

"play what." your voice was clear and ferm, your remember how your mother used to tell you when you were a teenager that she loved the femininity in your voice, it made you sound more professional.

The image of your mother's face in your head made you feel a certain way, a feeling that had felt lost for a long time, like it was hidden deep and burrowed inside you.

"puzzle." Eleven spoke, bringing you back to the reality you lived in today. the dreadful reality you lived in.

"okay." her small fingers wrapped around your index one, guiding you towards a small table, leaving you next to one of the chairs, you sat down feeling somewhat hesitant. You didn't understand, why now? why would Eleven now be talking to you?

Maybe it was something under the control of Peter, or Brenner, maybe either of them convinced her to talk to you, to get you to like her and use her as a weakness towards you. You didn't trust anyone anymore, the first look you took inside this building, you knew you were fucked.

Eleven sat across from you and placed a tiger children's puzzle onto the table, opening the box carefully. Everything felt off, You'd never spoken to Peter before, but you didn't need too, you already knew he hated this facility as much if not more than you did.

But you did supervise the rainbow room together, You were never a fan of the room, infact you seemed to have a weird sense of hatred for it, the way the room was displayed.

Maybe it was those muted rainbows on the wall and flooring. Or all the toys that surrounded them to make it seem like they were cared for, when in reality it was most likely to keep them distracted from the mortifying reality around them.

The somewhat nice part about that room was the children mostly placed nicely with one another, the youngest would play with wooden building blocks or solve animal puzzles. There were only around 4 of the children that were in their tweens..

It was 002 and his gang, God you fucking hated 002 and his devious little followers. All they did was bother one of the subjects, and specifically one, her name was Eleven.

She never caused trouble, because she was too afraid. She feared everybody, and she was only a little bit older than the youngest ones. She was 8 years old, the younger ones were more around 5-6.

She was especially scared of the workers, but she liked to play around with the puzzles and challenge herself to see if she could solve them, she also seemed to be observant.

She seemed to take interest in you, often you would catch her looking over at you, but you'd never thought anything of it, mainly because you couldn't care enough.

But today was different, because this time instead of the small girl just eagerly staring at you, she ended up walking her walk over towards you. You tried not to show the suprise on your face, you saw Peter watching her as if he were a hawk and she was a meek prey from the corner of your eye.

Her shaved head looked up at your eyes, You assumed she wanted to talk to you, but since she was 8, and no one cared to teach these beings anything else other than how to enhance their powers, they most likely didn't understand how to form full sentences from what you've seen and heard.

You looked around the room carefully without trying to move your head much, you started inspecting the rest of the ominously quiet room. The children were usual to minding their business.

You brought your gaze to the blonde man who kept to himself, and noticed he couldn't seem to keep his own gaze off of you.

'..Weird.'

You looked back over at Eleven and found her struggling to fit a puzzle piece to connect with another, though it was the wrong piece. You carefully took the small cardboard photo from her tiny fingers and placed it in the spot, she just stared at you, like she were embarrassed.

You weren't really sure what you were supposed to do or say now, you sort of just awkwardly smiled, it was too quiet for you to speak, your sanity didn't want you to crack somehow by simply speaking to an 8 year old.

She sort of just awkwardly looked away from you like she felt shy or wanted to speak, but obviously as noted before, she doesn't really understand how. Which is expected.

She instead just went back to figuring out how to member the tiger into a normal photo once more. You observed her movements closely, usually when she would think very critically of her next move she'd place her small index finger onto her chin or lower lip.

Every now and again she had to look up in your direction, as her way of saying "help" or "can't figure it out" and you wordlessly helped her and pieced the correct parts together. She'd finished her puzzle just as Brenner had entered the room.

"Goodmorning Children." And there she was to get quick on her feet and in her spot where she always stood in union with the rest of her "siblings."

You were meant to stand as well and did so, you watched all of them follow out behind Brenner and were fast to break the puzzle and place it back inside its box and onto the shelf where it was kept.

When you turned again, Peter was still stood in that spot next to the door, you knew he was watching you, and as much as it would've put anyone else on edge, it didn't for you. You were constantly being watched by your every move in your life now, so it seemed like nothing new.

--×♥︎×--

It was now your break, taking your time into the breakroom, it was like any other room. Only with a fridge and a counter top inside of it with a coffee machine. The coffee was rancid, tasted horrid.

The taste of the dirt water reminded you of when your father forced you into summer camp, when he first told you he had signed you up, you were extremely pissed.

"I'm am not going daddy! I do not want to go to summer camp! I'd rather be home!"

You would whine and complain to him, but there was nothing to be done, he already signed the paperwork and handed over the cash.

And when you had gone, it was more fun than you had expected. You went inside of a swamp and a creek, and went fishing, did tie die and collected rocks and small insects. You'd even found a snapping turtle once.

Remembering the times of your early teenage years and how you'd been happy made you feel a sense of grief, and also anger. With yourself and the world around you.

You pushed through the double doors of the breakroom, grabbing water from the half broken refrigerator and sat down by yourself, alone.

You were always alone, even when there were others around you, you were alone. No one seemed to take interest in you, not like you'd wanted them to anymore at this point.

Even if you could see through that perfectly physical man with those deep blue eyes, you were still alone. you always were since birth. Barely ever had many friends, always the targeted girl when it came to kids who had troubles in their own lives and had the shit audacity to take it out on you.

What you would've given to get your revenge on those little fucks at the time you were dealing with them.

What you would give to get your revenge on Brenner and all the shit he's dumped onto you and the rest of the people who were imprisoned here.

Your train of thought about you getting your pay back was interrupted by the sound of the doors opening again. You didn't want to make it noticeable that you were checking who was entering, But you weren't too shocked to see it was Peter.

You stared at the bottle of water that was held in your hands, small beads of sweat forming on the plastic and making your hands moist.

The sound of coffee pouring from the dispenser of the machine filled the room, no matter how similar you could tell you were to others, you never understood the trouble they would put themselves through of drinking the mud water that was labeled as "coffee" in this building.

what's something that was a shock to you about the man was that he'd sat across from you, he never interacted with you before and now he's suddenly across from you, you could feel him staring again.

It was like Lazer beams burning through metal. You'd felt that same feeling with Brenner multiple times before, it was an anxiety inducing feeling.

It reminded you of how he'd lecture and yell at you for the littlest of actions, like giving one of the children candy or something else that doesn't even matter.

And then when you would refuse to look at him because you didn't want to see that familiar cold glare that would send shrieks of fear throughout your entire being he'd send you to the punishment room.

Your skin began to form goosebumps at the memory of your entire body going numb and not being able to feel anything and your throat constantly hoarse and sore from that fucking collar he'd put on you like you were some dog.

Your skin felt itself getting warmer like your blood was boiling with rage from all your mistreatment and how you could do absolutely nothing about what you've gone through.

You shook your thoughts away, not wanting to physically remember what it felt like to wear that collar or feel those metal rods connect with your skin.

"Eleven seemed to take an interest in you today." His voice broke the imagery of your memories and your eyes automatically looked into his, they weren't cold like Brenners, they were light, and reminded you of clear skies during the summer that you used to take in while you'd make castles at the beach when you were a child, or would learn to ride your bike as your mother helped guide you in the spring, how you'd ride around your neighborhood as a teenager and would embrace the warm air and beautiful sky.

"Yeah, I suppose she did." Your voice was flat, but it wasn't cold, or mean, but it also didn't sound normal, but what would he know anyway? he's never even spoken to you before.

"She usually doesn't do that with the orderly." He clearly wanted to talk to you about something and it wasn't Eleven, but you weren't sure if you should just go along with it, or tell him to get on with the point already.

"She usually isn't like that with anyone." you remarked, there was a slight snark in your tone, you didn't really want to come off as snarky, but who wouldn't after all the shit that goes on in this place?

"So I've noticed" He didn't sound mad, and he still hadn't taken his eyes off you the entire time, it was a little uncomfortable how good he was at holding eye contact, but maybe that's what the point of making it so strong, was to make the other uncomfortable.

Or maybe it could've been unintentional, it was clear why it was one of the reasons your coworkers commented it on it and called him 'weird' or 'creepy.'

It didn't make you as uncomfortable as it would've others, it was normal to feel that way in Hawkins Labrotory. But when it was Peter who was making this strong of eye contact, it didn't seem that uncomfortable anymore. His eyes were so angelic and his hair seemed perfect in the horrible light, almost like there was a halo around his head.

It felt almost like you were losing yourself in him, like the way you'd lose yourself in the pages of a book, or a masterpiece of a drawing that someone would spend day and night on.

Maybe because in your eyes, he was like a masterpiece drawing, he was beautiful.

The both of you were just glaring at eachother now. It wasn't awkward, it only would've been if you told yourself it was. You learned a long time ago about how it worked that way, your mother had told you.

"That was so awkward.." You spoke quietly, walking out of the doctors office with your mother.

"It was only awkward because you had told yourself it was." She replied, walking to the car that your father was waiting in.

"What do you mean?" You looked up at her as she suddenly stopped in her movements and looked down at your 13 year old self.

"It was only awkward, because you told yourself the tension and the interaction was awkward." You were still confused.

"If you don't tell yourself when something is awkward, you won't feel so anxious or uncomfortable anymore." And then she continued back in her tracks.

you were only 13, so you still didn't understand what the hell she was talking about, and even now you didn't really understand. She'd worded it in a way were it sounded like she thought awkwardness was just an illusion of the human mind.

Sometimes your mother would be very smart with her words or explanations, and others it seemed like she just didn't care enough to hear you talk about how you felt, or she just wasn't sure how to explain something to you.

It was now that you realized that you still didn't respond, assuming that's what he was waiting for, there weren't any words that were forming out of your throat, and lunch was about to end anyways so you just stood to your feet.

"Lunch is about to end, maybe I'll see you tomorrow." You spoke quickly before exiting, he was watching you the entire time, of course.

--×♥︎×--

It was now Training of the next day, the children were lined up against the wall whilst they waited for their turn to use their powers on a ring a bulbs that was implanted in the floor infront of a metal chair.

It was currently 002's turn to attempt to light the glass bulbs, You walked up and placed the headset onto his buzzed scalp.

You felt your skin grow warm with how close in contact you were with him as a visous anger grew deeper in you for him. And for a split second, you were thinking of what it would've looked like if you killed him right then infront of everyone.

When you finished placing the wiring on his head you quickly walked away back in your spot at the corner of the room, clamping your hands behind yourself as usual.

You glanced over at Peter, and he was quick to look back over at you, but it wasn't like he darted his head over at you, it was slow and calm. Maybe that's what was off-putting about him that people didn't seem to like.

It was sort of assuring to see him be slow and calm, almost like he was tired, or maybe just burnt out, whether it was mentally or physically you didn't know, but it was sticking out to you.

He was good at masking how tense he was and how much he hated everyone here, as were you. Maybe he could see through you too and that's why he had spoken to you yesterday.

He seemed to take a liking in Eleven though, he was sitting next to her and talking to her a few days before she'd spoken to you, which is why you were curious as to whether if it were his doing or not.

Brenner had forced Eleven to go next by brainwashing her with a piece of fucking candy. A piece of candy she clearly could've cares less for, she was so obviously scared and uncomfortable. Her powers weren't as strong as the rest of her siblings.

Peter had went up and placed a headset on her stubble hair, unnecessarily fixing the front of her headset. He'd whispered something to her, why would he have done so right infront of everyone in the room? infront of Brenner? He was practically asking for the punishment room, but why would you care? it wasn't you who would be tortured later on.

It was her who had you do that stupid puzzle with her, you weren't the one who came up to her asking to solve a puzzle, she just up and decided randomly to ask you to solve one with her. after almost 2 weeks of her just eye-balling you.

--×♥︎×--

It was now a week later, and todays training was different from anything else they've done before, Peter's been interacting with Eleven more, and it's quite strange.

Regardless of all the rumors of how strange he is, this was one of things you did find weird, why has he started randomly started interacting with her? What was he telling her?

Brenner proceeded to draw 2 circles with white chalk onto the lominum floor as he spoke.

"For today's lesson, we are going to play a game." His voice was mutated to sound kind with a plastic smile on his face. It was a relief that these children didn't understand how powerful and cruel he truly was, but it was also so fucked in the head that he would do this to any of them and act like some big teddy bear and like this was okay.

It wasn't, obviously. But it just pissed you off so much, and it only made things worse when you'd remind yourself there was nothing you could do about it. It started to feel like every passing day it felt more and more like you were living in an insane asylum.

You used to think about escaping from time to time, but now you full on fucking fantazied it. you truly were starting to go insane, who wouldn't though.

002 was beating all of his opponents, and then it was Elevens turn, and when Peter finished tying on her blindfold, he wasn't very quiet to whisper "Good Luck" in her ear.

This started to seem tedious to you, what the fuck is he telling her? what if he's attempting to brainwash her just like Brenner? Though you told yourself multiple times you could've given less of a shit about these kids, there was a part of you that felt protective over Eleven.

Almost maybe like a motherly kind of protection? Though it wouldn't matter, there's nothing you can protect her from because both of you live in danger. She just isn't aware of it.

To your suprise, Eleven beat 2, she had slammed his body against the mirror behind him, leaving it cracked, he was shaking and looked at her with fear But he'd get his revenge soon, and you were sure of it, whether or not he'd be successful in getting away with it was yet a mystery. Because he's gotten away with it before, you've seen it yourself.

You could still remember it like it were yesterday, when you had to monitor the cameras.

"You're weak, and useless. You don't deserve to have the place as papa's favorite.." His voice was hushed and filled with rage.

"I-im sorry.." Eleven was so young at the time, her lip was trembling and tears were forming in her waterline.

"I'm gonna hurt you, for having what I dont.."

"please d-don-" But before she could even beg him further to spare her, she was already being pushed around the room, into tables and on the floor.

And then they left her there, crying.

Why they were all in there? was never answered, but she shouldn't have been in there by herself with 002 in the same building as her.

But the small amount of guilt you felt for her on that day still lingers. 002 stumbled to his feet and sat with the other children.

"It looks like we have a new winner." Brenner spoke, Eleven seemed shocked and nervous at the same time, but at this point it seemed like nervous was just a normal feeling and vibe to get from her.

--×♥︎×--

You were back inside the breakroom now. Holding a bottle of water you most likely weren't going to drink. And Peter entered the room too, but this time was different.

"Miss L/n, may I speak to you, alone?" His tone sounded pleadful and curious.

"We are alone." You answered firmly, but he didn't respond he just continued to stare at you, and then that's when you glared at the camera in the corner of the room and sighed to yourself.

Standing to your feet and walking over to him, you didn't trust him or his motives regardless of seeing his feelings. it was how everyone felt about this place.

He took you inside of a small broom closet that seemed like it was never entered anymore, he closed the door behind himself and you just stood there.

He faced you and smiled lightly at you, but you were careful go examine him.

Your grandmother always told you to keep your head up and seem serious, men would take you seriously, especially if you'd show you didn't have a care for them.

And throughout your life, it mostly worked, but Peter was already here when you came here 2 years ago, so he probably would be smarter than that.

"How would you like to escape with Eleven and i?" His tone was excited but quiet.

"What?" You were in pure shock and weren't even sure if you heard him correctly, but you did your best to keep a straight face.

"I've been speaking with Eleven"

"I've noticed that." You kept your voice ferm and serious, you didn't want to agree with him, maybe if you kept this conversation with him, you'd be able to seek through his true intentions.

"And I've told her about how she deserves to escape this horrible place."

"Are you fucking insane?" You blurted out, you didn't mean too, it was just the first thing that came to mind.

Was he fucking insane? what the hell was he doing tell an 8 year old to escape the place she's lived in and only knows as good? what else has he told her?

He completely disregarded the question, which was appreciated on your end.

"I've got a plan set out for her and I, and I know you hate it here, Y/n."

"You don't know shit." So maybe he could see through you too, but this couldve still be a trap regardless, a trap to get you into trouble or become his little minion and do whatever he wants you too.

"Don't I? I've seen the way you've glared at Brenner and 002."

"You look at them the same way, It's not just them either, don't think I didn't know you couldn't keep your eyes off me either Ballard." You felt someone outraged that he would just randomly propose this to you, he didn't even know you. Maybe he didn't have too, though.

"The same goes for you, are you going to join us, or no." His voice sounded serious now, and after a few moments of just staring at him, you could sense this man was infact serious.

"..When is this happening exactly?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" You looked at him like he had actually lost his mind, and maybe he did, but whats so wrong with that?

It's not like you had your sanity in tact with you anymore either, so if he's crazy then you can be crazy together surely.

"Are you joining us, yes. or no?"

"..Yes."

Part of you was mentally cursing yourself out for agreeing, you still didn't trust him, fuck no. But at least you just got a free get out of jail ticket so.

--×♥︎×--

You felt anxious in the rainbow room, Peter was nowhere to be seen all day, and you felt hazy, your vision felt blurry and eyes sore, but from crying.

Your breathing was shaking and so where your hands, you hadn't gotten anxiety since your freshmen year of collage.

You remembered the uncontrollable fear that was tensing throughout your veins, you used to get that same feeling when Brenner would have his gaurds shock you until he felt as though you'd had enough.

When you were barely breathing and laying on the floor like an injured kitten inside of a box that no one cared for.

Eleven was at a coloring station, she checked the clock and then stood to her feet, making her way towards an orderly and leaving with him.

You soon exited the room aswell, going down into the basement where Peter had instructed you to meet him.

'I'm going to be free, I'm going to be free. I want to get revenge, I want my revenge. I want Brenner to feel the pain he caused me.' Your mind raced as you walked down those steps and soon saw Peter waiting for you.

'I want him dead.'

"Hey." You spoke, walking up to him

"Hello, Eleven will be here soon." You didn't respond after that, instead just leaned against the wall next to him, picking at your fingers.

Soon Elevens small body was heading down the stairs, you stood up straight as she looked for the both of you, bumping into Peter.

"Shh, follow me." And then the both of you were following after him as he took the both of you over to a small drain, atleast, that's what it had looked like anyways.

He was able to convince the small girl to escape through the pipes, explaining how they worked.

"They lead out into the woods, when you get out of here you need to run, do you understand me?" She seemed extremely scared and shook her head no.

"What about you.. and Miss L/n?" Her voice was shakey, like she didn't want to leave him, gosh what kind of things did they have going on? what was he telling her before?

"Well be following you shortly after you escape, I promise. we promise."

Eleven looked over at you to confirm his promise, and you simply nodded your head, and she was quick to squeeze herself into that tunnel.

The both of you rose to your normal height, and he smiled at you.

"How are we getting out of here now?" You asked him. there was boredom in your voice, but that was just natural now, when in reality your anxiety was bolting throughout you.

"I'll show you, it'll be fun." He smirked and grabbed your hand, running out of the basement with you, and once you two exited, the alarms were already blarring, they must've discovered that Eleven was gone by now.

Everything was happening so quickly your brain didn't have much time to process what was going on, but the next thing you knew, Peter was slaughtering everyone in sight.

There was blood splattered all over the walls and floors, this answered your question.

"Are you fucking insane?"

Yes. this is his way of saying yes, Part of you felt absolutely terrified of him and wanted to run away, but there was another, stronger half of you that felt raged and viewed this as the both of you getting your revenge.

You didn't freak out, or runaway, or feel scared of him, because he let you do the honors of killing 002, and you made sure it was agonizingly slow and painful.

And then off you two went, escaping, running as fast as possible, feeling relief, and free. Feeling a smile that was stretched on your lips as you ran, feeling the wind all around your bodies and fresh air in your nostrils.

You were finally free at last.

#peter ballard #peter ballard x reader #peter ballard x you #peter ballard fluff #henry creel fanfiction #henry creel x y/n #henry creel x reader #henry creel #001 fluff #001 x reader #stranger things 001 #001 #jcb roles #angstish #peter ballard angst #angst with a happy ending #beginner writer

[rome-writes21]

What’s Wrong But Feels Right - Part 1

Negan x Reader (Male)

Summary - One of the worst days of y/n’s life turns into meeting the man he would fall for despite his intent to.

Warnings - Swearing, Smoking, Alcohol, Blood, Detailed Gore, Detailed Smut…

A/N - So this is my first story 😅 I’ve written small things before but I’ve never committed to a fanfic let alone posted one. Likes and comments would definitely be appreciated, and if you have any suggestions for short one shots (any character) that you’d like please let me know (especially if you’d like smut in it or not). I don’t know how many parts this is gonna have, and i’ll try to post once a week or more.

Also a shout out to @justsomegdude for helping me through hell with this story. He’s a great writer and you should definitely go check out his fics!

——————————————————————————

The tears slowly ran down y/n’s face, almost feeling frozen in time from the cold air. Every breath he took made his body shudder, even though they were short and shaky. From his peripheral vision, he could map out a picture of the dead man beside him, Abraham. He hadn’t gotten himself to look over yet. How could he? All memories he once had with his dear friend were wiped away in the blink of an eye, or more with the swing of a bat.

After Abraham, it was Glenn, someone else whom he’d loved like a brother during the 2 years they’d known each other in this god awful world. Each time the bat got swung onto Glenn, y/n’s body flinched, his heart feeling like it was getting crushed more and more with every hit. You’d of thought that the sobs and cries coming from Maggie would’ve made any of the Saviors around them feel the slightest bit of guilt in their hearts, but none of them batted an eye.

No one on their knees were safe, and for all y/n knew, he could’ve been next. But, did he really care at this point? If the people he loved the most were going to continue to get killed in front of him, why would he want to make it out?…Maybe for the revenge of it all, because y/n could slowly feel that emotion creep up on him despite the sobs that poured from his body. The hatred he felt was growing, and he felt that he would soon run out of tears to even want to feel sad.

Negan, the man who’d been running this “show”, grabbed Rick by his jacket, dragging him on the ground to the RV for a drive. All that could be heard now was the breathing forced through the sobs of each individual. The wait for Negan to return felt like an eternity, yet no one wanted him to come back.

Y/n’s eyes were hurting, burning in a way from the amount of time he spent crying over his dead friends. He looked over to Maggie on his left, seeing the pain in her eyes, the color drained from her face, and it only made everything hurt more. He couldn’t understand why he hadn’t tried to comfort her in any sort of way. Her husband just got beaten to death in front of her, all while he was being mocked. But he was frozen, just like everyone else, not being able to fathom how someone could do this and joke about it……y/n was still sitting up, but was more slouched, his hands digging into the gravel below him, holding him up. There were so many thoughts running through his mind, and not a single one would settle.

The RV slowly rolled into it’s place from before, the gravel crunching underneath it. The door swung open, Rick being thrown through it, onto the ground. He got pulled and dragged just mere feet in front of everyone else, getting absolutely humiliated.

(Time skip to after “that” situation)

Rick was thrown back into line, Carl’s arm still intact thankfully. Negan was rambling while walking back and forth. It felt like he was looking for something, someone, like he wasn’t done yet, and that fueled the fear again. Losing someone else was something they didn’t know they could bare. Y/n kept his eyes on Negan, following his every move. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do considering Negan took note of this, especially the way y/n was looking at him. The look of pure hatred in his eyes. Negan just did all of what he did to Rick because of the way he was looking at him, and now y/n was looking at him the same way, maybe worse.

Negan turned his attention to the boy, his tone full of annoyance, yet a smile stayed on his face. “Look at you!” He walked closer, his bat swinging in his hand, awfully too close to y/n. “Did you not learn a thing from Rick and what he almost had to do?”

Y/n didn’t respond. Even if he wanted to, what the hell was he going to say? One wrong word and, well maybe there goes his life, or someone else’s. “Nothing to say, huh?….Ballsy.” That’s really all Negan had to say? “Simon, Kenny load him up,” and the two men started to walk towards y/n. Fear struck y/n’s body instantly with those words, knowing there was no way he could resist. He was grabbed forcefully, getting thrown into the back of the truck.

Not too long after, the truck jerked forward. Y/n hadn’t heard any more screams, cries, the beating of the bat since he’d gotten thrown into this thing, and he hoped the remaining people were spared…..Y/n’s mind was blank, all of the thoughts running through his mind before were gone. What was he supposed to think about what just happened?

After what felt like a long time, the vehicle came to a stop, the sound of car doors opening and slamming shut all around. The doors to the truck swung open, three men pulling y/n out, barely giving him time to land on his feet before dragging him inside. The inside of the building was filled with saviors. Y/n realizing how outnumbered they really were was almost laughable.

He got taken to a cell, the door slamming shut, locked. It was pitch black besides the little light coming through the crack at the bottom of the door. The walls, the floor were ice cold. Y/n slowly slid down the wall with his back, sitting down.

He hadn’t gotten sleep for obvious reasons, and although he was exhausted, he couldn’t rest. Every time he’d close his eyes, the image of his friends dead on the ground, blood trickling down their deformed heads took over. He groaned, rubbing his head with his hands.

Jingle * Click

The door creaked open, y/n squinting his eyes a little from the unexpected light. There stood a man in the doorframe, holding a far too familiar object. It was Negan.

#negan smith #the walking dead #fanfic #slow burn

[wildissylupus]

Wait what did the book say about Jack I’m curious 

That he was stressed.

Like so fucking stressed.

Seriously every decision he made was questioned and put under a microscope.

Then governments were refusing to let Overwatch get involved, which would have been fine! If they were actually doing things to solve their problems. Like the Korean government didn't start actively trying to make a full counter until after Overwatch fell. AND THAT'S ONLY ONE EXAMPLE-

I'm telling you right now that this book has refreshed my hatred for governments and the UN in the Overwatch universe. They're so fucking stupid I swear to god-

Also they fully revealed that Soldier 76 is Jack, well, not really? They revealed that Jack's "code name" in SEP was Soldier 76, which the author acknowledges as fuel to several theories people in universe about Soldier 76's identity.

The funniest thing about that is there is no mention of Shrike/Bastet or Reaper, meaning it is confirmed that Jack ain't slick. Basically everyone in the vigilante scene knows this man is alive.

They also confirmed that Jack would have hated his funeral, his family stating this but also saying that they understand why the big ceremony of a funeral he got was necessary.

There is so much information about Jack in this book that I honestly can't detail the amount in just one post.

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #overwatch lore #overwatch headcanons #analysis #jack morrison #soldier 76 #overwatch soldier 76

[theeblackmedusa]

through your eyes

a/n: @designbydae thank you for this prompt!🩷your mind >>>

i decided to write this with richonne bc it seems very them

Prompt: "Can you write something about two people who have the bright idea to trade eyes so they can see themselves from the other person's perspective? Ideally they're in love but any other details are up to you. Who started the conversation? Do they both think it's a good idea? What are the chances that things could go wrong???...I just think it would be a neat concept if it was something that could happen on real life. Imagine how intimate it would be to feel your lovers eyes in your body or to really see your own body for the first time"

warnings: minors dni as always, language, don't ask me what universe this is set in bc idk lol i just known i love this prompt, fluff and angst, richonne loving each other

wc: 836

Rick didn't have the highest self esteem anymore. In his old life, he was a standout. Handsome, strong, capable. Now, all he saw when he looked at himself was a murderer. A bad man.

He’s killed. A lot. He’s sure that at this point, he’s unredeemable.

He tried to tell her that, tried to let her know that she can't possibly be making the right inference about who he is and the things that he's done, but every time, she told him that she knew what she saw.

She’d made the suggestion one night when he was wallowing in his self-hatred, trying to convince her to get away and to run as far as possible to save herself from his darkness.

I just want you to see what I see, Rick. Just…give it a try for me?

He’d so hesitantly agreed, unable to believe that she saw anything good when she looked at him. He trusted her. He’d put his life in her hands. But, he couldn't shut off the evil voice in the back of his mind telling him that she'd been lying to him the whole time.

More than anything, he wanted to please Michonne, so if him looking at himself through her eyes would make her happy, he’d drink a damn potion and take a look in the mirror.

Now, they were both standing in front of the bathroom mirror with closed eyes as they worked up the courage to open them. As excited as Michonne was to know what Rick saw when looking at her, she knew that something like this could go wrong. What if she didn't really want to know what he really thought? Rick was in the same boat, nervous to find out if that voice in his head had been right the entire time.

“I…I’m going to look,” Michonne finally spoke, breaking the silence that they’d been standing in for God knows how long.

“Thought we were lookin’ together.”

“Then, you look, too.”

Another beat of silence.

“I’m afraid,” he admitted, voice weak and wavering.

“You shouldn't be. This will only prove what I’ve been telling you.”

More silence.

“Alright. I’m ready,” he told her slowly.

“On three?”

1.

2.

3.

Michonne opened her eyes, which were now a piercing shade of blue, and looked at herself in the mirror. She was the most beautiful that she'd ever seen herself, surrounded by a haze of pink and lavender. She was…glowing and she felt her heart skip a beat as she looked at herself.

Emotions were overwhelming her. Admiration, adoration, love…they were all rushing through her when she looked from Rick’s point of view. She allowed herself a smile and she could swear it's never shone so bright.

“This is what you see? I look…perfect?”

She was truly shocked. Sure, she was a confident person, but she had her insecurities. Looking with Rick’s eyes, however, she couldn't spot a single problem with herself.

Rick had yet to respond to her, and she was growing concerned.

She let her gaze flicker to his reflection and her mood changed immediately. Loathing replacing love and abhorrence taking the place of adoration. Her heart broke for him, hating that this was how he felt when he saw himself.

“Rick,” her voice was shaky as if she might cry. “Rick, say something.”

She was hoping that her eyes weren't failing him, that he felt the same amount of love for him that she did when looking through her eyes.

“Rick-”

“I, uh, I don't…this is…new,” he finally spoke.

He didn't quite know how to place what he was feeling as he looked through Michonne’s deep brown eyes. His reflection was flickering between pink and a deep red glow. He didn't feel dark and scary anymore. That voice had finally stopped its raving about how bad he was. Instead, a softer one had replaced it, words like “strong” and “brave” and “nurturing” coming to mind instead of “killer” or “unworthy”.

“Rick, you have to know that what you see…that isn't real. None of it's true. You have to know that. I need you to know that.”

As she continued looking at him through those icy eyes of his, she could feel the shadows leaving her. That hatred had shifted into acceptance, and she couldn't be more relieved to know it.

It wasn't completely fixed, but it was progress. He was adjusting, learning that what he’d been seeing in himself wasn't really him. That was enough for her. She could work with that.

“I love you, Rick. I mean that,” she told him.

“I love you, too. God, I love you,” he exhaled, still staring at his reflection.

They stood in silence once more, taking in their reflections with the eyes of their lover. Neither of them know how long they’d been standing there letting passion and love flow through them, but it was Michonne who broke the silence again.

“I think I want to keep your eyes,” she joked. “I look hot. I mean…really hot.”

#idk what universe this is set in but i just really loved this request #once again thank you for requesting this!! #and thank everyone else who's submitted a request. more to come! #this is so helpful and i'm really appreciative that y'all actually sent stuff in🥰 #fanfiction #fanfic #rick x michonne #twd #richonne #the walking dead #rick grimes #michonne #danai gurira #andrew lincoln #black writer #theeblackmedusa🐍🐍

[greenerteacups]

have a few questions for u! i loved your latest chapter, i believe it’s my favourite one to date together with the yule ball special :)

01. since u’re writing a (very intense) re-write of book 1 to 7 canon, how happy/sad were you about draco’s arc in the books and films? it always bugged me that him and the slytherins didn’t get to shine that much in both aspects, and that’s why we never really got to appreciate them a lot when the books and films came out. would love to hear your take on this!

02. not sure if this has been asked before, but what thing/s inspired you to write lionheart? i recall reading it was because of your love for to all the young dudes, but i’d love to hear you talk about this more

03. if j* r****** weren’t as awful a person as she was (and so terribly closed minded too) do you think there would have been a way for draco and hermione to be together in canon, or at least be some level of friends, if not together romantically?

04. i’m a narcissa black-malfoy apologist and stan, and can i just say, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for writing her in such a beautiful and heartbreaking way. i cannot wait to see how you write her arc in books 5-7.

05. an absolute, absolute shot in the dark - but since friday’s last update was sort of a cliff hanger - would you be open to a double update or an earlier than usual update this week? we aren’t entitled to anything but i swear to you, i was biting my nails and at the edge of my seat fr the minute i ran to the friday update. draco and sirius’s conversation was too real and too beautiful i sobbed so much.

i love you!!! may the universe bless you with all the good karma (is my boyfriend, is a god, is the breeze in my hair on the weekend)!!!

hello! thank you for all the questions, wow!! will probably answer some in separate posts because tumblr usually censors my craft glitches out when i write long asks BUT

how happy/sad were you about draco’s arc in the books and films?

[looks at 400,000 words of AU fic about draco's arc] oh yeah i feel normal and care a regular amount about it

Man, it makes me sad. It makes me sad that almost all the Death Eaters are also children of Death Eaters, establishing this as a familial cycle of violence and hatred, and that's just... left to sit there in the narrative, implicating.

Draco’s arc in particular is a flat downward descent from schoolyard bully into a fascist death cult, and it’s bleak as fuck. like, if these books are written from Draco’s POV, it is some gruesome and deeply cynical stuff, guaranteed. which is a shame, because I think “reluctant and begrudging reformed villain” is an amazing character type that he could have fulfilled perfectly. doesn’t even have to go on tour with the Golden Trio, either; because I lost hope for Redemption Arc after the end of book 6, my ideal world going into book 7 was just having Draco stuck in Grimmauld Place, being bitchy and ill-tempered about the Order’s witness-protection equivalent, while the others treat him like a house-elf. “oh, yeah, that’s Draco, he used to bully us but now he has to ask us to buy the tea he likes at the grocer’s,” etc. I mean, full redemption would have been great, and by far the most rewarding for him/me personally as a reader, but I kind of figured by the end of HBP that it wasn’t in the cards. JKR writes characters in a particular way when she’s interested in them as people, and Draco was just never written with that level of attention or care. 

he’s not even given a particularly rewarding antagonist arc. he doesn’t follow through and kill Dumbledore, thus giving him something irrevocable and life-scarring to repent for; but neither does he join the Order (e.g., Disappearance), meaning his ultimate contribution to the war effort is just this listless, choiceless trend of enabling. he’s forced into the plot with the Vanishing Cabinet, but can't kill Dumbledore; he tries to hide Harry’s identity from Bellatrix in Book 7, but it doesn’t work; he tries to catch Harry in the Room of Requirement and fails, then has to be saved by Harry from fiendfyre his own incompetent sidekick conjured. cringe failson. it’s also hilarious put in contrast with this fanon we have of hypercompetent draco — it’s like we all saw him and were like god bless can we please get this man a skillset. jesus christ he is getting killed out here.

but anyway tbh I think the most character development we see from him in all 7 novels is when Hermione slaps the shit out of him in POA (call that spell of Shutting the Fuck Up the way he doesn't even try to retaliate). The bathroom scene in book 6 is huge, because it’s the first time we get a modicum of sympathy for him, but that’s not followed up on — we just sort of leave him with “yeah, that’s tough.” we don’t even know why the Malfoys go back to Voldemort, because by all accounts, they seem miserable. Lucius seems miserable even before he hits his Flop Era in book 6-7, but he’s also broadly miserable all the time when we see him (likely bc we only see him when he’s plotting/scheming/exploding in rage when Harry manages to yet again Scooby Doo one of his plots, but who knows). I think the seventh book subtly implies the Malfoys are so close with Voldemort because of Bellatrix, and [spoilers incoming] I myself lean heavily on that thread in later sequences in Lionheart, but in the books it’s up to the reader as to how much the Malfoys really believe in the Dark Lord versus just comply with his orders from fear.

#greenteacup asks #draco malfoy #lionheart #thank you! i hope karma is a relaxing thought <3 #sweet like honey etc etc

[weirwoodforest]

I’m almost halfway through with Bessel van der Kolk’s well-known book on trauma, The Body Keep The Score (Apple Books tells me I’m 42% done) and I’m taking a break from it for a bit and just wanted to write down some of my thoughts. I don’t really talk much about my own experiences here, just some of my thoughts on the book so far, but TW and CW for trauma (obviously), SA, CSA, child ab*se, inc*st, and mention of animal testing.

- I guess for every 1 (one) “nice” animal test, there are 4534858943834 horrific and unethical tests lol 🫠 (the “nice” test is scientists found out that the rat moms who lick their babies more in the 12 hours after their birth make their babies braver and cause them to have an overall better life experiences than rat moms who don’t lick their babies as much. Idk, I’m not a rodent person but I did think that was cute)

- On the subject of tests, I thought the test that van der Kolk and his colleagues did of the amount of women who had survived inc*st and had an autoimmune disease was so interesting. As an SA survivor myself, I know how we can tend to hate our bodies after the ab*se… I can only imagine that that hatred for your body is tenfold with inc*st. It makes sense that their body starts attacking itself then… I’m summarizing heavily but I thought it was a very interesting study. (Also the recent article by Sarah Zhang about people finding out they were the product of inc*st via ancestry sites is… I don’t really have words. The statistic that AT LEAST 1 out of 7000 people are born from close-relative inc*st is mind boggling. In my home town with a population of 192,366 people, that would be AT LEAST 27 people whose parents were parent and child, sibling and siblings, etc etc. I think about where I grew up, the shopping centers, the parks… that is a lot of people. Unfortunately it seems inc*st is a lot more common than we think, as van der Kolk points out…)

- I know hindsight is 20/20 and I’m in 2024 reading a book published in 2014 that details many cases and studies stretching back to the 70s but man… the lack of insight on childhood trauma these doctors had blows my mind. When van der Kolk talks about being at the Boston mental health center for kids and none of the doctors were interested in trauma but just slapped on labels like ODD, ADHD, etc and just pumped these kids full of medication I was just… wow. (And I say this as someone who is medicated for ADHD, I’m not trying to disparage medication). Of course van der Kolk and his colleagues found out all these kids had suffered horrific trauma. Also, the two and half year old he talked about being labeled as “oppositional” when the doctors later observed his mom actively neglecting him… god. Yeah!! Of COURSE that has nothing to do with his behavior /sarcasm. Also kids younger than 5 being prescribed seroquel is so ??? to me.

- van der Kolk’s criticism of the DSM was really eye-opening and like… I understand that yeah, maybe Developmental Trauma Disorder does appear somewhat niche, but kids and adults like myself with high “adverse childhood experiences” scores would benefit greatly from a diagnosis and treatment that is catered to their specific needs. I’ve been diagnosed and treated for PTSD and at times it does feel so broad. My PTSD is not the same as someone who experienced something like Hurricane Katrina or the Fukushima Disaster or someone who went to war. People kind of swear by the DSM and feel comforted by it, but after reading the criticism of it I honestly have become very critical of it myself.

I think… for now that’s it. There’s a lot of the book that I’ve read so far that I’m still ruminating over in my head, so I’m sure I will come back with more Thoughts… but for now, I’ll leave it here.

(Also if you’re interested, I have a digital copy I can send mutuals.)

[faeiapalette]

Just wanna drop some personal opinions. I. I swear to god i have heard people complaining for a thousand times about how Ayato’s LE route was “horrible” and all of them has the same reasoning being “it’s unfair”, so i came to share my point of view:

His route wasn't even that bad? 😅 Yall r pissed bc he got treated like shit in his route (yeah, bc he hurted his brothers. He blinded Laito and broke Kanato’s leg. Accidentally or whatever.) What everyone has already known is the S boys' relationship is trash from the begining, ofc they'll act like that? Kanato the one who will scream at your face and treat you with the "idc what tf your reason is i want YOU to take responsibility" and Laito who has grudges with Ayato all the way at the begining? Then comes Reiji who tried so hard for years to become the leader/ leader's right hand man just to serve a person he view as narrow and incompetent (bruh idk about Kanato but everyone else' has something that makes others respect them for. In the Sakamaki family. Shu's smart and know how to act like a big bro when needed, Reiji's a strategist and has been studying to be the heir for years, Laito's intelligent af, and Subaru is the purest among vampires, it’s will be pretty hard to explain this now but all i can say is “it’s smth related to politics in the DL world”), with the last straw being that one hurting his own people? And Ruki who longs for the king's title, who's as dedicated to Karl as Reiji, and is able to seethrough the same Ayato who's unfit to rule all along? 💀 girl. If you people's going to play blame game, blame everyone including Ayato then. He DID made a big mistake. Even it isn't his intention to do so. Try to walk in other people's shoes (in term of mindset and feelings cuz you're oh so capable to do so when it comes to Ayato in other people's route ^^.)

This IS the route suitable for smo with the title "main hero". Because it's different from every other routes. S boys have to deal with both personal problems and their leader position. Now, what kind of personal problem does Ayato have? ^^ Egomaniac, solved. Hatred for Cordi, done in DF. Hating his father? There are some, but not as much as Laito, cuz Laito’s a big personal grudge that can make him going from borderline suicidal to try everything in everyway to khs because he has to receive smth from Karl (No takesy backsy~ Your supplier Karl’s ded). Ayato doesn't. The writers tried their best to make a big ass personal problem for him ya know ^^. 5 other routes r pretty much… peas in the same pot, but Ayato got the element of surprise 👍 Wouldn't that make his route stand out from his brothers', like what a "main hero's route" will be? ^^ Talking about surprises,

Rejet's marketing strategy. Do you know what do Ayato's Daylight aka the most “well-liked daylight cd” and Ayato's LE route have in common? They doesn't follow the stream every other routes does. They stand out. Yes. Because what people like, isn't just sweet moments and fanservices. They long for new things. Creativity. Ayato's route has both of these. Decent amount of sweet moments with Yui, a tear he never shed. So not too much Overall, balance 👍.

II. “The M boys are so narrow-minded when they be like “Aristocrats this aristocrats that” to the S boys, S boys went through traumas too”

THEY-WON’T-KNOW?????? If the S boys don’t share????? Where do you think they’d get that information from? Karl casually telling his surbonates “I traumatized my sons”? The players, aka us, know about their pasts because Rejet puts them in every opening of the prolouge/ epilogues, so we can read their thoughts, sympathize with them, whatever, but can the M boys/ any other boys see them too? You finish the puzzle.

(Trivial matter, if my memories is correct M boys, (for example Kou) have been showing sympathy everytime S boys told them something about their past (in that drama cd where 2/3 of the triplet doing recalls about Cordi’s cooking)).

In conclusion, the “narrow-minded” one is the one saying the similar statement above. ^^

III. There’s no “main character” in otome games.

I don’t think i have to explain the reason, since someone has already said that out loud (“If there’s one “main character”, what are the other 12 for?”, i recall) And i thought everyone knows this already. Because there’s has already been a term for that in the otoge community, being “posterboy”. Yes. The one appearing in almost every posters, the one having the most screentime if the project has an anime adaption, whose cd is the 1st ever to be released. Ect. So. Let’s talk about Young Blood. I see a lot of people thinks that “Oh the story revolves around Ayato and Karl in this manga favors Ayato more than any other sons of his. He must be the main character. If otherwise, why didn’t they make 5 more mangas?” Have you ever thought about how making 5 more manga, with the same plot would spill the budget and no company is dumb enough to not realize that so they just do one that revolves around their representative aka the posterboy and let their audiences do the math that if we change to other boys’ perspective the story would go on the same way (with some tiny events/ details being changed?)

I hope people grow some perspective.

IV. Nothing much. I’m just a little disappointed on how most people i’ve seen here have nothing to say about but how “nice and helpful” the boys is (judging characters based on their moral. I mean there’s more to talk about than just that?)

V. Ruki along with Reiji, Kanato and Laito (idk about other boys) are the most misunderstood character in this fandom (Ruki alone, all because people doesn’t understand his action and try to rationalize them in their own one-way, tunnel-liked, logically wrong way of reasoning, causing the action to look totally stupid and meaningless. Even some resources of him are translated wrong causing even more misunderstandings. (By the way, Reiji fans, Kanato fans, please tag me in posts solving misconceives about your oshi please. I would love to read them. 😔) P/s: Oh and something about Ruki, ofc him killing that cat is wrong, no question asked 👍 Though “=> He should not be entrusted with a pet of all kind bc he’ll kill them” + “=> he hates cats” is also wrong (yall be paying too much attention to the cat and forgot about the bird scene. Those birds he refused to feed. Did he lay a hand on them may i ask?)

#diabolik lovers #personal opinion

[dirtyoldmanhole]

while waiting on a recap meeting with my boss, i am ... writing notes about what i want this 40k word slowburn gunter x femui fic to accomplish :v

(so backing up -)

writing these short ficlets is making it painfully obvious to do any kind of character study right, i gotta invest in more words here; he's too complex to distill down to one or two scenes, ditto with his dynamic with her. he's hiding too much.

(and honestly, i have always had a soft spot for those epically long slow burn age gap relationship studies; i specifically hunt them out in every fandom, and think making this for gunter fans would be one hell of a gift to this corner of the fates fandom. think pet project, which i feel like fans of a certian age and similar ship taste would recognize. there's a certian sad, poetic irony how both of these men were doomed to death by canon, and I'm vividly reminded of this quote again, mirroring my current feelings.

endurance wise, this is going to be tough - but i've written that amount of words before for past NaNos, beta'd for quite a few novels, and i think this leans enough on all of my favorite tropes i wouldn't get bored halfway through. i also plan to do companion illustrations that will help brainstorm bits as well. the fact this outline is gelling together phenomenally well to the point i already have most of the scenes summarized and falling into place speaks well.)

but back to what i would like this fic to focus on:

can he and kamui have a loving but realistic relationship while he's being tempted by anankos? (think, if they had the Conquest C-S supports in Revelations) if she's around him more, does that reduce anankos' hold on his hatreds? is that enough to change the endgame?

how do they navigate hooking up through the campaign in "closet mode" with all the eyes on them? how do they handle the nohr royalty finding out? (since i feel like hoshido royalty cares less). who reacts badly, who doesn't? who's squicked out by the class differences? (age difference/psuedo-incest too, but given the slight realisim bent, it feels like they'd be more fussed about the former). despite the heaviness, i feel like this is prime territory for some genuinely endearing characterization moments.

can kamui grow past her childhood crush on him and mature into seeing him in a different light? (in turn, can he too, also see her as somebody more nuanced than a princess to be used or simply a mentee to teach bitterly? can he have the bravery to reach out through his loneliness, and bare his heart and scars?) how does their romance change with the flavors over time? from pining to confession to deep physical intimacy?

bluntly, too, on that last point, how do they work around the age difference in terms of sexual mechanics and libido? how does kamui draw him out emotionally, and make him feel like a man again, rather than a ghost or a rusted weapon? how do they stumble into their white-hot sexual appetite for each other, and how do they handle the kinks and taboos that they both wrestle with? (how does gunter in particular wrestle with the guilt of his desire?)

can he and kamui come to terms with the fridge horror of the northern fortress times? can he make amends for his acts there -- if he's the head of security/her bodyguard/perfectly aware of how Garon kidnapped her, and almost executing Silas, as just a few examples. how does kamui reconcile that with her feelings for him?

and -

can i make y'all cry several times LOL

god help me, and I swear by my Muse, I am going to give this man a goddamn happy ending. he's going to have to earn it, but it will be there.

#gunter fire emblem #meta #gunter slowburn liveblog

[whentranslatorscry]

Hitagi Honeymoon

013

I could ramble on about this, but it wouldn’t amount to anything more than a pathetic excuse at this point. But I swear to God, I swear to Hachikuji, it's not that I've forgotten— I’d even swear to Hanekawa if I must.

Just as Shinobu said, the incident was a primal encounter for me that transcended even the most horrifying of experiences. Spring break had influenced me more profoundly than any prenatal education could have. Not even the Weight Crab, no one could take away that memory from me— and really, who could blame me for not wanting to fight the league of vampire hunters ever again after living through that?

Now, here I am, six years later. I can’t deny that both my resolve and commitment to Shinobu have grown lax— I should have devoted my entire life to her but it seems, at some point, it had all become halfhearted.

Maybe it wasn't Shinobu's seal that had weakened.

Maybe it was my oath to her.

Ah, yes. It’s as clear as day: common sense, a rule, a prerequisite, the equality under the law. It’s the law of nature, the ecosystem, the food chain, the pyramid.

Vampires feed on humans, and humans are their prey.

They suck their blood, bite into their flesh, crush their bones, swallow their organs, chew on their brains— devouring their very souls.

They trample on existence.

Of course, there are various opinions on this, and not every vampire is a gourmet glutton like Deathstopia Virtuoso Suicide-Master. A European castle had taught me that vampires have individualities— but ultimately, humans are nothing more than food for them.

Just as we eat meat and vegetables, vampires eat people.

Like wild beasts; their very existence is enough to pose a significant threat and inspire fear. It's not for no reason that they take center stage in horror tales and their legends themselves are eccentric.

It’s only natural to be afraid of them, and there's no helping that.

But in the case of Shinobu, she went beyond the mere act of eating a human— Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade did not just eat people.

She devoured them.

Right before my eyes.

Ravenously, greedily, voraciously.

She feasted, savoring the taste of the human flesh.

It was precisely because of this that I, on that spring break, broke away with “her” decisively and, despite being a servant myself, I raised my rebellion against my master and engaged in a fierce battle with the King of Aberrations on the grounds of Naoetsu High School.

I could not forgive her for eating humans.

I could not forgive her.

“……”

That's right.

For instance, even if we intellectually know that lions and tigers attack humans, once we've actually witnessed them doing so, we are unlikely to ever again see them as simple objects for observation at the zoo.

Similarly, if we were ever to be attacked by a wild dog, we would no longer be able to consider them as friends of mankind. There was a world of difference between dying at the hands of a wild boar in the mountains and in the maw of a bear.

Even though there may be legitimate reasons for culling bears that have attacked humans, such as the fact that they have developed a taste for human flesh, could it be that a deep and visceral repulsion forms the undercurrent for such actions?

Unforgivable, isn't it? Isn’t it more frightening than anything else?

Those predators.

The ecological pyramid in the food chain.

So, our desire for punishment should be exceptionally strong as a result.

“……”

At least, that was what my high school self had perceived. Six years later, now an adult, that perspective had undoubtedly experienced an update.

It had changed.

Back when I was seventeen, I felt utterly unforgiving and was overcome with anger, but now, at twenty-four, I must admit.

I had forgiven quite a bit, Shinobu, who ate a man in front of me.

Somewhere along the way, I'd forgiven her.

That anger, that feeling of, let’s call it hatred, that resentment, honestly, didn’t last… Since Spring Break, I've had many experiences, met many people, and learned of many strange phenomena.

Since becoming a cop, I’ve dealt with tragic and baffling cases, as well as cases that made me want to turn my eyes away in despair for humanity— and, the memory of a person being eaten in front of me could never fade. But it’s only fair to admit that back then, as a high school student, I was maybe too fastidious.

Conversely, now I am tainted.

I forgive people more easily than I used to. I realized that I myself was no saint. I've grown tired of remaining angry, and I've realized the futility of that anger. I've grown tired of constantly feeling sad, understanding that sadness won’t go away just by grieving. It could be that I've become kinder, but does that mean I’ve become kinder to myself, who continues to be wounded?

“Humph. Don't fall into despair so readily, my master. It’s hard to know how to console you when you’re like this. I would rather praise you. This is because you have managed to tame me, a monster, so skillfully over these six years. You have trained me, a beast, and now I see no reason to feed on humans. If I had to say, I prefer vegetables or donuts, Mister Donut in particular.”

“……”

“But, even so, it does not erase the past where I've fed on humans. In your professional terms, my criminal record is not expunged. I'm still in the midst of a suspended sentence. And it's not just that one who I ate before your eyes; there have been a considerable number of humans I've devoured over the past six hundred years— though not as many as Death.”

A monster.

Could she be welcomed into a family as a daughter?

“You can do it, no? It's what you've always done. I believe you will. There's no doubt about that— but what about the mistress? With how she innocently became excited over topics such as Turtle Soup and the marshmallow test, could it be that she doesn't even know that I eat humans?”

“S-She likely doesn't know. I haven't told her.”

Aside from the specialists, the only one who might know about this was Hanekawa for being involved in that spring break. Well, I haven't explicitly told her, but maybe Kanbaru might have had a hunch as well… She had some connections to specialists. What she hesitated to say at the gate where we met might have been just that.

Although you may have forgotten— I'll say it again, I haven't. It's just that a lid was placed on my consciousness. I had become accustomed to not thinking about it. To glossing over it.

When I started dating Hitagi, I promised not to keep secrets about aberrations. But, there were still things I could and couldn't discuss— convenient lines drawn, even for me. Wasn't the reason I couldn't tell anyone that I was protecting the man-eating Shinobu because it weighed on my conscience?

“Nevertheless, she is your spouse. She has experienced many tragedies, and her spirit is firmly settled. Perhaps she has the capacity to accept a weakened, powerless me. If you say so.”

“……”

“Well then, even so, it's no more than a personal matter between you and her. Right now, the idea might seem unthinkable, but someday the two of you may be blessed with a child. How then will you explain this to the child? That their ‘big sister’ is a cannibal?”

One might wonder if this was some sort of drama about a criminal family. As a police officer, it's an issue I couldn’t ignore. As if the decision wasn't already difficult enough, there were cases where choice was nonexistent— children cannot choose their parents or their siblings.

Furthermore, as a parent or prospective parent, there is no avoiding the dangers that come with it. That is to say, the possibility that your own child could become prey for a vampire. If it were someone else's problem, I would certainly offer fair warning.

Because I trust Shinobu as she trusts me, I foolishly believed that a tragedy like that could never happen. It's just that… welcoming a monster into my family was not an easy task.

I carry this sin with me.

Without any surprises or casual skirting around the subject, if I were to formally bring it up, Hitagi might indict me for that sin. But if I may use a clichéd phrase—

Our unborn child would be innocent of all blame.

“See? 'Tis impossible for you to adopt me as a daughter, to become family. Whether you try to tame me, neuter me, domesticate me, or enslave me, a beast will always be a beast. You've done well to even treat me as a pet, when that alone would be inherently dangerous.”

“…Shinobu.”

“Correct, I am Shinobu. Oshino Shinobu. Do not involve her— the mistress, or your future child.”

Kaka.

She laughed, like a mischievous spirit.¹

“I shall lurk within your shadow and watch over you. I have no intention of joining your household, nor do I wish to become a part of your family. Being a slave is sufficient for me. Quietly watching over your growth from the shadows is an enjoyable way to pass the time— along with, perhaps, witnessing the development of your children with the mistress.”

In the face of my own thoughtlessness, and, indeed, my shamefulness, I could do little but fall silent. It wasn't a silence of acceptance, however. I tried to squeeze out even a single word, but even such muttered pleas found themselves locked away, as if sealed by the heavens.

“Ah?”

Suddenly, a large raindrop struck the nape of my neck, right at the site of a vampire's bite. With a force that felt as if I’d been struck.

“A raindrop— Rain?”

From there, everything happened in the blink of an eye.

From the completely overcast night sky of the Nasu Highlands, torrential rain fell like a barrage— a poet might have remarked that just as our hearts weep, so does the sky. Unprepared and without an umbrella, my only choice was to drag myself away from the Killing Stone.

Oh, what misfortune it is to be getting drenched in rain at a place like this— or, actually, it might have been a convenient rain for me, at least a part of me thought of it that way. After all, it created the perfect excuse to not continue this unbearable and terrifying “ghost story” any further— however, it was a rain so strong it could ruin the entire trip.

“A moment ago, there was a small shelter with a roof just over there. For now, let us weather the storm there, master,” said the soaked Shinobu, before quickly retreating into my shadow— a shelter?

Had there been one?

Maybe it was only invisible to me.

Even if it weren't night, even if it weren't a downpour, I couldn't have seen anything.

Prev Chapter | Next Chapter

This sentence is a pun with these words for girl: 養女、幼女、妖女, which are all read the same way. It’s hard to carry this over.

#ikusamonogatari #monogatari series #translation #araragi koyomi

[khaleesiofalicante]

"I am hungry for touch and ashamed to be looked at" -Safia Elhilo

Alec POV by beloved 🥰🥰 can he pass me some of his wisdom??

The Clave being kinda fuck up as usual I see...

And a leader, no matter how hard it was, had to show up.

That’s how you’re different from everyone else.

You show up.

You hold things together.

You lead.

They are all great leaders and I'm so proud of them😭

Anjali is just... ✨Wow✨ she is the only goodness I will ever swear loyalty to. I am in awe, I respect her, I admire her, I love her, I-

David said what??? I mean, same, but I'm surprised he said it in a Clave meeting....

Yeah, Selena deserves more recognition!!! She is the absolute BEST and we stan😎

The amount of hatred I feel towards Kingsley is unreal. Fuck him and his Idris Patrol🔪🙂

Will the fact that Anjali and Rafael respect and trust Alec's judgement make me cry? ✨Yes✨

Diego, my friend, Alec thought, how proud you must be. Too soon😭😭

Kit is upto something....

YESS Alec!! Get some sense into David's head bc I feel this is going to go south

That’s how Alec knew Rafael was going to be okay.

Good leaders must know how to handle criticism. Good leaders must accept their flaws and admit their mistakes.

Rafael was a good leader. And he will, in time, become a great one too.

He learned from the best 💙💙

Alec and Hunter meeting!!! I need this like, yesterday!!! I'm so excited jdvdkdndn

Nico is so cute and sweet I keep forgetting he's old and smart af!!!

My mind rn: David with kids. David with kids. David with kids. David-

“You’re still in your bad bitch era, Sirenita,” Gabriel grinned. “It has no expiration date.” How can you expect me not to love Gabriel when they do cute shit like braiding Selena's hair and saying things like this???? 🥺🥺

This plan is more complicated than I thought lmaoo

“You must learn how to heal yourself,” Nicolas said.

Selena smiled. “Sure. I’ll do it sometime."

“You must do it soon,” Nicolas said.

Something is going to happen to Selena or to someone she loves bc THAT definitely means he knows something!!!

YESS!! THEY ARE GETTING THE PIECES TOGETHER!!!

He could still hear her screaming. Good. In other news I'm ready for arson🥰🔪🔪

Why does he want 9 cities down????

Why does Claire think it's her fault??? What is she talking about?? Is it just parent guilt or something more??😭

Soldiers who can heal themselves.

Soldiers who can’t be killed.

“I’m trying to play god,” Marcus smiled.

“Dope,” Mallory said distractedly. “Good luck."

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. WHY THE FUCK YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA???🙂

Mallory, stay tf away from my girls!!!! And stop stealing Max's stuff, it's creepy!!!

I'm a simple person. I see Magnus and Max discussing inmortality issues, I cry :))

“Power doesn’t always change people,” bapak smiled. “But pain does.” THERE ARE MANY FAVE QUOTES!!!

"You will. You can," the man promised. "Because every time you have to climb it, I will climb with you. We can climb together."

Max gave him a small smile. "You can't climb shit in those."

Bapak smirked, looking at his fluffy bumble bee slippers. "Is that a challenge, Blueberry?"

My fave inmortals😭😭😭 can we take a moment to appreciate how no one helped Magnus through all his inmortality crisis (obviously except Ragnor and Catarina when they could) but now Max has a support system and can always go to his bapak or to many more?? Bc I think that's beautiful 💙

Them giving each other their magic, holy shit why do they insist in making me soft??🥺

He pressed a kiss on his forehead. “I want infinity with you.”

A timeless love.

Can we really blame Max? I would also want infinity with David!!! But you promised Magnus, babe!!!

“Maxwell,” Nicolas Thorn said, looking wide awake. “You are late for your lesson.” HOLY SHIT!! Nico teaching Max warlock math😭 I am scared but sooo excited for this!! What did Nico saw in the future?? What are they going to practice?? Ahhh so many questions!!

I support Max's rights, but I also support Max's wrongs and I don't think I'm the only one!!!

Song rec: ... I honestly have just been vibing to Taylor Swift lately... What was your favorite song from the album??? I think mine was "You're on your own kid"😭

Support Max's wrongs or be gone 😤😤

I'm still listening to the album! I did like Midnight Rain a lot 😭😭

#lbaf

[thoughtswithsophie]

revealing: too much of me 

Society continuously reminds me how big my body is or how big it once was. How well I fill up my skinny boyfriend's sweatshirt that I took from his closet, it's cute that I thought it would fit. Or how much my fat is disturbing my neighbours on the plane when I swear, I'm contorting myself to only take up the space of my seat, but how dare I have only reserved one seat. Society will constantly bet on how long it will take me to gain all the weight I've lost or how greedy I am when they hear my stomach growl without knowing it's been 8 days since I ate my last apple. 

I constantly have to pay attention to how solid the chairs are in classrooms and conference rooms. I need to make sure that I sit near the door that is hopefully in the back, because God forbid I have to pee during class; I wouldn't want to interrupt everyone with my fat body. And gym class, she won the most flexible contest? She was probably lying. Did you see how fat she is? A therapist seems like a promising career for her, not too much physical activity. I'm sure she was bullied, so she can relate. Oh, a sex therapist? A sexologist? Wow, she is pretty for a fat girl. I've heard fat women are freaky. Poor girl is deprived. She can't get her own man, so she has to get a career in sexuality. It goes on and on and on… even our closest friends can behave as though these struggles are personal, not social (Dark & Aphramor, 2022). Fat phobia is so deeply entrenched in society that its perpetuation is normalized and even hoped for. You wouldn't want to dare embrace your fat body because you would be glorifying obesity. The shame of these comments and embedded hatred of fat bodies in society has lingering effects and are amplified based on the amount of non-conforming identities one holds, whether it'd be race or gender presentation. Fat bodies are categorized in limiting boxes that restrict behavioural norms of what we can and cannot accomplish. 

Not only is fatness dictating what one can do as a hobby or career, but so does race. White supremacy refuses to associate blackness with success. Lizzo, a successful fat black woman, is constantly bashed for her size and criticized as over the top. She is hyper-sexualized – as society does with black women. While most oppressed groups and white women experience a lack of inclusion due to size, class, disability, etc., comments of hate towards Lizzo majorly come from white men or boys. This could represent their fear of losing power and giving a platform to a fat black woman, which expresses fear of blackness and fatness. It is their tactic to repress in hopes of eliminating. 

Let’s look at Rachel Wiley’s piece, For Fat Girls Who Considered Starvation When Bulimia Wasn’t Enough (2015). She had dreamed of being a ballerina but constantly saw her body as too fat to accomplish this. Whether it had been said to her by her mother or society, Wiley purged herself in hopes of one day being small enough to become a dancer. This notion of needing to be a specific size to be entitled to roles such as dancers is socially constructed to keep fat bodies from getting positive attention. One's body size must remain thin, or else it isn't deserving to accomplish powerful things. Later, when she was told her perfect teeth – the only thing her mother said was perfect about her – would be damaged from purging, she starved herself as she had to find other ways to reach her goals. This very well-written piece portrays how eating disorders are normalized for fat bodies. It also demonstrates how fatphobia wishes to harm and inflict pain upon our bodies. It rather see us suffer than live in a society where bigger bodies are appreciated. 

Relationships with female members of my family have always been unhealthy and hard to maintain. In the previous post, I talked about my grandmother's wish to pay me for my weight loss. This was not a single event but rather my entire life. I know my time in Toronto has been successful when I get "complimented" on how my face looks skinnier when I return home. I, amongst many other fat girls, have very surfaced level relationships with thin parents. This expectation and admiration of slim bodies carry a lot of shame. Let's look at Khloé Kardashian; she comes from a very successful tight nit family. I am not saying she has a surfaced level relationship with her entourage, but they seem to focus immensely on body image, which correlates with a thin normative ideal. She was bigger than her sisters and was bullied for her body. She got plastic surgery to lose weight, and people still attacked her image, saying she didn't look like herself anymore.

These narratives damage fat women's sense of self; we are dammed if we do and dammed if we don’t. Our entire existence feels like it doesn't belong to us as we spend our life changing our body for our acceptance – a shell that contains our spirit but fails to be recognized as something temporary. 

Lucy Aphramor (2022) explains that she was educated as a dietician and found that it normalizes fatphobia as well as body shaming (p. 4). These structures idolize a white skinny and pure culture, alienating and assimilating anything outside their ideals. Body shaming culture is built on medical systems that evaluate the worth of bodies, also creating eating disorders. I remember I was 9 years old when I had my first appointment with a dietitian. A tall skinny blonde woman shamed me for having 3 meals a day with snacks in between. I absolutely adored salads, but she refused to believe me because the narrative says fat girls don't eat healthily. As the weeks and appointments added up, I developed an eating disorder, though I didn't know that was what was happening at the time. Either dissociating from my body and binging because if I disconnected, the shame wasn’t as painful, or not eating for days. I often didn't eat until my homework was done, and even then, I counted every calorie. This idea that women need to have a small frame as it is part of the feminine ideal bleeds into all areas of social resources. I have never experienced healthcare where my body size was not used to explain the pain and discomfort I was feeling during my visits. I have endured severe illnesses due to physical abuse and trauma but have been told to lose 10 pounds, and I would feel better every time I entered the emergency room and doctors’ offices. 

I want to speak of a part in Rheonna Nicole’s The Fat Girl (2016):

"Mama afraid her mini-me will be larger than life, so she make her play basketball

Scared she would fail 

Too late she already scoring triple-doubles

Black

Overweight

And female."

She relays the hardships that fat women experience in a normalized fat-phobic society while speaking as a Black woman also experiencing racism. Her mother was terribly afraid of her daughter's size, forcing her to play basketball which white supremacy labels as a black male sport as they hold labels of being wild and untameable. This is a stunning comparison to Black fatness as animalistic, feeding into dominant racist tropes about Black women and their dehumanization. I have briefly discussed the fetishization of fat bodies in a previous post, but Nicole (2016) speaks of her increased fetishization because she is Black. Colonial notions of Black female bodies oversexualize them while saying they are sexual deviants. She speaks to how her mother's lack of appreciation towards her body and fear of fatness represents her inherent failure as she represents 3 incredibly oppressed identities in society. 

I include blackness in this blog post, as Black cultures have helped me appreciate my body. As I mentioned in my first post, moving to Toronto was a cultural shock for me as a fat woman. This was the first time I had experienced life surrounded by people from different cultures, and the first time I realized my presence in classes, musical events, and art shows was appreciated. I was expected to show up as myself, a French, Queer, Fat, musically inclined woman – for the first time in my life, I had experienced acceptance of all these identities I represented. Again, recognizing I hold significant privilege for being white, this acceptance meant a lot after coming from a small, oppressive, conservative town. Despite their constant exclusion from society as the colonial ideology ignores all fat bodies, especially Black women’s bodies. They so kindly accepted me as they understood what it meant to be bigger, have curves and be sexualized in a patriarchal, fat-phobic society. Although Black men could still fetishize my fat white body, they appreciated me and saw me beyond the limits of my curves. I speak of these unique experiences as they have allowed me to immerse myself in an excluded culture; cultural dissociation made me feel more at home.

I want to bring in Annette Schlichter’s Do Voices Matter? (2011) in this conversation. A society that excludes us from employment avenues and opportunities, hobbies, medical resources, and accessibility also holds an expectation of how we should physically behave and carry ourselves as fat women. Fatness is associated with laziness, an unmanaged body, and a lack of elegance. Our voice matters on an extreme end as we are taking up too much space. We have to avoid being ‘too’ loud, but we can’t be 'too' quiet either because then we're seen as insecure, and when this happens, comments are made about our bodies and how much better we would feel if we only lost 10 pounds. Our voice should be assertive, so people take us seriously, as society fails to see fat women as responsible and ambitious. So, must be assertive but can’t be too assertive because then we’re a fat woman taking up too much space AND being a bitch or a bully: "Who does she think she is? She's fat; she should look at herself first before giving me attitude." Which involve stereotypes of the angry fat black woman, the sassy black woman with attitude, or the loud manly fat body of colour. As a fat white woman, I recognize that my race gives me the privilege, so I don't have to suffer racism. Not only do we have to adjust how we react to or perform our identity around people because our existence makes society uncomfortable, but we are forced to contort ourselves into boxes that don't feel familiar to us.

I want to be surrounded by people who understand and respect my experiences and existence. I want to be honoured as both fat AND beautiful, not beautiful for a fat person, nice for a fat person, quiet for a fat person, or in shape for a fat person. I learned that I showed up differently once I was no longer ashamed of myself. With the help of other beautiful, strong, independent, loving, intelligent, capable fat women, I have allowed myself to love my body as I strive to make patriarchal, white supremacist, fat-phobic, colonial systems uncomfortable with my presence. Us fat women need to unite in love and use our powerful voices, regardless of preconceived notions, to dismantle oppressive systems. I live to dismantle these structures by embracing my beautiful queer, fat, femme identity. 

Here are beautiful beings that show how fatness and femininity can be embodied in everyday life. From unapologetically being themselves and 'calling out' fatphobic, racist, and sexist comments to speaking and sharing their musical/artistic talents, embracing their interracial relationship publicly, and making content promoting fat power and confidence. 

Jess Kelley @Therealmrskelley 

Vanessa Duchelle @Tresduchelle

Simone Mariposa @simonemariposa

Dani DMC @Itsdanimc

References

Button Poetry. (2015, Nov 30). Rachel Wiley – For Fat Girls Who Considered Starvation When Bulimia Wasn’t Enough [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jw_NRdAdlio

DMC, D. [@itsdanidmc]. (2021, October 1). The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet. ITS ME. IM HER. [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/CUf9BNUvbj-/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=d3049c31-bd43-49e2-af08-fd25ce555a99

Dark, K., Aphramor, L. (2022). Fat Politics as a Constituent of Intersecting Intimacies. In Fat Studies: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Body Weight and Society, 11(3). DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/21604851.2022.2045789

Duchelle, V. [@tresduchelle]. (2022, October 20). En plus d’avoir des nouveaux vêtements, comme cette chemise, @boutiques.clairefrance a aussi un nouveau compte Tik Tok (@boutiquesclairefrance) et le 24 octobre prochain, il y aura un tirage d’une carte-cadeau de 100$ parmi leurs abonné.es!! Perds pas de temps, abonne-toi. [Instagram Photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/Cj6faDarNGh/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=c6537e84-1efc-4eed-9d36-0fb69ec7aef4

Kelley, J. [@therealmrskelley]. (2021, October 6). Ok I need y’all to freak out about these dresses with me. This Target haul turned out so much better than I expected it to!! Which piece is your favorite?! [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/CUsiJkXFedd/

Mariposa, S. [@simonemariposa]. (2021, November 2). The South is just too good to me. Spring 2022, I’ll be an ATL shawty for good [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/CVy4_TIpnOH/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=ee042d21-241a-49e9-ac85-3eb95f7a7413

Schlichter, A. (2011). Do Voices Matter? Vocality, Materiality, Gender Performativity. In Body & Society, 17(1), 31-52. https://doi.org/10.1177/1357034X10394669 

Spencer, C. (2021, Aug 17). Music Star Lizzo Breaks Down Over Racist and Fat-Shaming Slurs. The Hill, Changing America.

Poetry Slam Inc. (2016, July 7). Women of the World Poetry Slam 2016 – Rheonna Nicole “The Fat Girl” [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RUt6-_hBpg

#Youtube #Instagram

[silvermoon424]

It really, really hurts my heart to see what Christianity- especially American Christianity- has largely turned into. Because if it actually followed the teachings of Jesus it would be one of the most progressive religions out there.

Jesus was a brown Jewish man who had ideas that are radical even today, let alone 2,000 years ago. He was an ally and friend to the marginalized, to all people who society scorned; he regularly associated with lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors (who were hated back then), and other groups who society scorned. I have no problem believing that if Jesus were around today he would stand with today's marginalized groups, including LGBTQ+ people and BIPOC Americans.

Jesus also preached against things like greed and the commercialization of religion, famously saying that it's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter heaven. The only time Jesus lost his shit was when he saw people commercializing a Temple by turning it into a marketplace; he was so outraged by this disrespect to God that he basically threw shit around and drove the merchants out.

Jesus also said to rend unto Caesar what is Caesar's (basically saying pay your taxes and obey the laws of the land). He said that people who make a big show of praying publicly are hypocrites, and (as demonstrated in one of my favorite parables) that poor people who give up a bigger share of their wealth to a good cause have done more than rich people who donate a proportionally much smaller amount of their wealth even though the rich people have technically give up more money. Jesus was very big on emphasizing the morality of the poor and downtrodden, who in his eyes demonstrated more virtue and nobility than the upper class of society.

And then, 2,000 years later, we have people who claim to be followers of Jesus practice things like the Prosperity Gospel, which literally claims that the richer you are the more God loves and has blessed you. And if you're poor, that's because you're sinful (oh, but if you give the pastor some money, that'll go towards your good deeds and God will find favor with you. I pinky swear).

Rich Christians may donate to charity, but only if it goes to "the right people" and they vote against policies that would alleviate poverty on a mass scale. Discrimination and outright hatred against LGBTQ+ people is fucking rampant because of a couple of throwaway lines in the Old Testament, when as I said above Jesus himself would have embraced the LGBTQ+ community. I could easily make this post twice as long by just listing out the ways today's Christians are not Christlike but I think everyone on this site already knows it.

Christianity can and has been used as a force for good. A great example is during the Civil Rights movement. A lot of organizing went on in black churches, and MLK himself was a Baptist minister. Another example is the Quakers, who had a deep religious opposition to slavery and so played a vital role as abolitionists in both the United States and Great Britain before slavery was abolished. Churches hold fundraisers and donation drives all the time, and in rural areas of many countries they are often the only lifeline their members have.

I wish so badly for Christianity to become largely known for being a tool of collective action, comfort for the marginalized and oppressed, and a force for good instead of the tool of oppression it all too often is now.

EDIT: @prismatic-bell and I had a discussion about this post here about how the story of the money-changers is actually antisemitic in origin, which I had no idea about. I'm leaving the original post unedited but I encourage people to read our exchange.

#rant #politics #leftism #christianity #religion

[radiant-reid]

Lipstick

A/n: This is my entry to @boldlyvoid ‘s 2K Writing Challenge (Big congrats !!) with the prompt “Are they fighting again?” “Worse, they’re kissing.” I actually really like writing this, it was pretty much my first time writing with a prompt

Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAU!Reader

Genre: Angst w fluff ending

WC: 2.3k

CW: Swearing | typical CM violence | kissing 

"Damn it, Reid, could you reign in your stupid, god complex for 10 seconds!" Y/n yelled as she shut the door to the interrogation room.

The pressure was getting to everyone. They were 39 hours into the 48 they had to formally charge their suspect. It had been a week of restless nights, and now, their profile had led them to a man they believed to have murdered 9 women.

The unfortunate thing was the profile also concluded he would be extremely organized. Each crime scene was pristine, with no DNA evidence. All the victims appeared to leave the bar on their own accord, meaning they couldn't charge him off of that.

So, they were in between a rock and a hard place. Left with no other choice but to try and get a confession out of him.

It was a seemingly impossible task, breaking an organized narcissist who thought he'd gotten away with murder.

And Spencer Reid wasn't making it any easier for Y/n. They didn't have the same close relationship Y/n or Spencer had with the other team members. It wasn't hatred, but they weren't friendly.

Usually, they were able to keep it civil for everyone else's sake. Snarky comments, Spencer fact-checking anything wrong that came out of Y/n's mouth, and Y/n's sarcastic remarks that flew over Spencer's head.

The rest of the team was actually surprised they didn't see it. For two intelligent people, they should have seen they'd make a powerful couple.

Maybe that was why Hotch sent them to interrogate the unsub together.

He quickly realized that was a bad idea when they had only been in there 10 minutes, and Reid was already undermining Y/n. Not in accordance with the tough persona that Hotch had told her to keep.

The team had agreed the best strategy was to send in a dominant female and submissive male team to aggravate the unsub into telling them something.

"Both of you, out here now." Hotch sternly told them. They could tell by his eerily calm tone that he was furious.

Guiltily, Y/n and Spencer followed him. He marched all the way across the small town precinct to the room they had all the case information in.

Hotch nodded at the seats around the round table, gesturing for Spencer and Y/n to take a seat. "We have 8 and a half hours to get a confession out of that man, who we believe murdered 9 women. The two of you can't be acting like children!" He exclaimed angrily. Getting told off by the unit chief was worse than getting told off by a school principal. Y/n wasn't afraid of many people, but Hotch was at the top of the list. "We are a team, and there is no room for the two of you to have childish arguments. We've all put up with the bickering for long enough, but now there's a chance it will ruin this case."

Y/n wanted to tell him it was Spencer's fault. The interrogation was going well until he ruined the power she had established over the unsub. But she didn't. She just glared at Spencer, hoping he'd spontaneously combust.

"It's imperative that we all do our jobs properly." Hotch drilled into them. "Normally, I would take the two of you off the case. But we have a limited amount of time to get a confession." He sounded as if he were weighing his options, getting ready to dish out punishment.

If Y/n and Spencer didn't know he was a whole different man at home, they would have felt terrible for Jack.

"So, you are both going to stay in here together and get a headstart on our paperwork and hope the rest of the team can get a confession because if we're not able to, you'll be facing more disciplinary action." Hotch sternly informed them before swiftly leaving.

Y/n let out a sigh she didn't know she was holding in when Hotch closed the door.

"Do you really hate me so much you want to get me fired?" Y/n asked Spencer, still glaring at him.

Spencer surprisingly shook his head. "No." He simply replied.

Y/n could feel the anger coursing through her veins. "So what the fuck is your issue with me then?" She flippantly demanded.

"I don't have an issue with you." Spencer quietly replied, walking across the room to pick up some files to get started on.

Y/n let out an intentional loud sigh, going to find some files of her own to start. She couldn't concentrate when she felt Spencer's eyes on her from across the table.

"What, Reid?" She asked as she looked up at him.

She couldn't read how he was feeling, but it wasn't angry.

"I'm sorry," Spencer stated, his eyes softening.

Y/n almost couldn't believe it. Somehow he'd said the only thing she didn't expect him to say. Something, now that she was thinking about it, she hadn't ever heard him say.

She wasn't sure what to say. "Uh, thanks, I'm sorry too." Maybe one of those things was right to say. She tried to let it go, nestling back into her paperwork. "Can I just ask why?"

Spencer lifted his head up again, meeting her eyes. "Why what?"

Y/n rolled her eyes at him. "Don't make me insult your intelligence by pointing out the obvious, Reid." She answered half-jokingly.

"Why I weakened your position in there?" Spencer rhetorically asked. "I don't know. I knew what the plan was." He told her as if he were trying to figure it out in his own head. "I just felt like he wanted to hurt you, and I don't know... I guess, uh, I kind of felt..." He paused for a second, a blush heating his cheeks. "Possessive." He let the word slip quietly out of his mouth.

Y/n's eyes widened, her mouth gaping open as she realized what was going on. "You, Spencer Reid, have a crush on me." She declared, slowly but determinedly.

Spencer rolled his eyes, groaning as he leaned his head back, blushing bright red. "Do not." He insisted.

Y/n couldn't drop it in. She got up and walked over to Spencer, sitting on the desk next to his paperwork. "Yeah, you do, Reid." She bent forwards to take his face in her hands. "Look at the blush on your cheeks." She remarked, feeling proud of herself.

Spencer tried to wiggle his face out of her grasp. "Can you just drop it?" He quietly requested.

Y/n adamantly shook her head. "Absolutely not, pretty boy. You know, you're like the little boy in the playground who pulls the pigtails of the girl he likes." She continued a self-satisfying smirk on her face. She felt like she had won the lottery. Not many people got to defeat Spencer Reid.

He stood up, clearly wanting to feel superior to her by having a height advantage. Y/n did the same thing, not that it made her taller than him by any means.

"Drop it, Y/l/n." Spencer firmly stated with false confidence

Y/n was quick to call his bluff, not missing a beat. "Make me, Reid."

They were so close she could almost taste him. His cologne completely overwhelming her senses. It was all Spencer, a mix of old books, mahogany, expresso, and butterscotch.

The minute her eyes were locked on his, he knew he was ruined. There was no way, with those dangerously flirtatious eyes looking up into his, that he would be the same.

So, he made her drop it. Two hands anchored on her face, leaning in with so much force it pushed her head back. As soon as Y/n felt his lips on hers, she kissed him back, hands going up to hold his arms. And she kissed him with everything she had, all the passion from those stupid arguments.

Spencer pulled back eventually, smirking down at her. "I made you." He proudly boasted, moving his hands down to her waist.

"Make me again." Y/n requested quietly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Spencer didn't have a problem with that statement, quickly placing his lips back on hers.

Both of them were so caught up in it that they didn't notice Morgan opening the door to look for them, peering in enough to catch them kissing before shutting the door, ending up back in the hallway.

"Wow." He let out, completely shocked by what he'd seen. It was definitely not what he expected when Hotch told him to go and find a file.

Emily, in the hallway, let out a groan. “Are they fighting again?” She asked Morgan with a frown on her face.

“Worse, they’re kissing,” Morgan replied, still stunned. He was even surprised he was able to form sentences.

"They're what?" Emily immediately asked, her attention far more drawn to the door.

"Kissing," Morgan answered, opening the door widely so Emily could inspect. He knew the only way she would ever believe it was if she saw it for herself. There was no way he would have believed it.

She had no problem walking in and clearing her throat, making her presence known. Y/n and Spencer pulled away from each other, looking guiltier than they had earlier. Morgan followed her in, a smirk on his face.

"We leave you two alone for 15 minutes, and this is what happens?" Emily jokingly asked. Spencer just shrugged while Y/n's face heated up. Both of them felt like they were being interrogated.

Morgan couldn't stop sniggering. "You've got game, Reid. I got to hand it to you." He playfully shot Spencer, his eyes shifting between them.

"You're lucky it wasn't Hotch that came in here," Emily remarked, laughing at the mental image.

Spencer shrugged again. "Doesn't matter if you tell him. He won't believe you." Somehow, kissing a girl he liked had made him 100% more confident.

"Oh, he'll know." Emily disagreed with a giggle. Spencer's frown prompted her to continue. She gestured to Y/n. "Her lipstick is all over your lips."

Y/n nervously stared at the wall behind Emily and Morgan, trying to make them disappear. Spencer rolled his eyes at him, wiping the back of his hands over his lips. It still didn't reduce his slightly swollen lips.

"Oh." Spencer let out in realization. "Oh. That makes sense. It's actually genius, not as genius as me but genius nonetheless." He continued.

Everyone looked at him with frowns, no one understanding what Spencer was rambling about.

"The unsub." Spencer attempted to explain. Still, no one got it. "Y/n, what do you keep in your handbag?" He asked, turning to look at her.

Y/n looked at him with a weird look, but he didn't further explain. "Uh, my wallet, phone, keys, hair ties, mints." She started listing. "A pen, maybe a snack, lipstick."

"Lipstick!" Spencer declared, cutting her off and turning to look at Emily. "What about you?" He asked.

Emily caught on to what he was asking. "Yeah, probably lipstick as well, but what does that have to do with anything?" She asked in reply.

"Okay, stick with me. What did all the victim's bodies have with them?" Spencer asked, almost jumping up and down with how excited he was for unintentionally figuring it out. 

"Their handbags, go on, Reid." Morgan prompted, understanding he might have cracked the case.

Spencer nodded quickly. "Exactly, they all had their handbags, and I saw the contents." He continued. "Not a single one had lipstick."

Emily frowned at him again. "How do you know they didn't just not have lipstick?" She questioned.

"You both told me," Spencer mentioned, looking between the girls. "If you wear lipstick, then you keep one in your bag. More than half of them had lipstick residue on, but they didn't have it with them." He explained.

Y/n nodded as she caught on to what he was saying. "So, the unsub took them." She figured.

Spencer nodded back at her. "Exactly, it was his trophy! No one would suspect it because they would just look like his wife's." He continued to explain his theory. 

“We could easily put him away on that.” Morgan figured. “Let’s go tell Hotch, then we’ll search the wife’s things.” He established, turning back around to walk out the door. 

“Wait,” Y/n announced. “We’ll be there in a second.” She decided quietly, avoiding looking into her colleagues' eyes. 

Morgan shook his head, chuckling as he walked out of the room. Emily was quick to follow him, leaving the pair alone. 

Y/n didn’t waste a second tugging on Spencer’s tie and pressing her lips to his, roughly kissing him. Spencer indulged her in the kiss, despite the smirk on his face. 

He cupped her face as he pulled back. “That’s an odd thing to want to make out over.” He teased, unable to stop smirking at her. It was the first time he felt he had the upper hand. 

Y/n groaned at him, blushing as she rolled her eyes. “Shut up.” She requested. Spencer chuckled at her, and she glared at him. 

“Tell me if I’m wrong, but you’re attracted to my intellect.” Spencer correctly tried to profile. 

Despite his smirking, Y/n felt the need to continue boosting his ego. “And everything else about you.” Spencer’s face changed to a genuine smile, and she knew it was time to make him squirm. “Now, let’s go out there and put this guy away for murder so we can do more than kiss.” 

Spencer’s eyes widened, slowly grinning at her. “Who knew you could talk about a murderer so seductively?” He flirted back. 

Y/n rolled her eyes at him, pushing him towards the door. “Let’s go.” She instructed, purposefully not warning him that her lipstick was all over his lips. Hotch was going to find out anyway, so now that Spencer had cracked the case, she figured it was a good time. 

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