#thanks for being observant with my interests and whatnot! :3

[grainjew]

On Gallifreyan Vestigial Gender

[this is the revised and expanded version of some rambling i initially did in my cowriter's discord DMs. i tried cite sources where i could, but a lot of this has been marinating in my brain since half-absorbing posts twenty pages deep into peoples' dw tags 3 years ago, and also i spend way too much time on the wiki, so please excuse anything i can't quite source, which is most of it. huge thanks to @oriigami for being my original conversation partner and contributing extremely to the concepts here, and to @bird-of-paradox and @waywren, neither of whom I am being allowed to @, for bothering me into not leaving it as unreadable discord screenshots]

-

There's this tendency among queer Doctor Who fans to look at Time Lord society, with its alienness and regeneration, and ask, frustrated, "Why do they even have gender?"

I sympathize with this extremely. I've been the one asking this question plenty in the past, and I do think it's a bit silly, and even sillier that the genders are "man" and "woman" and there are apparently two of them. But I also think that the section of canon most insistent about the Gallifreyan gender binary, the 7th Doctor novels from the 90s, also has the potential to be the most interesting about it.

Now, this is not to say that the text of those novels isn't weird about gender in a flawed, written by (as far as I know) cis people in the 90s way. But I think that you can extrapolate and queer what's there in very interesting ways, often because it's so flawed in the first place: Gallifrey, too, is an extremely flawed society. Decadent, degenerate, and rotten to the core, as the show put it.

So, VNAs Gallifrey: living Houses and their female Housekeepers, cultural and literal planet-wide sterility, Loom birth, rigid overcomplicated bureaucracy, the enduring legacy of the pre-Rassilon Pythian regime. The gender binary as presented here goes something like

women: chaos/magic/psychic powers/superstition/the house (scary)/biological childbirth/fertility men: cold rationality/order/science/bureaucracy/loom-birth/sterility

The Pythia and the Lord President. Magic and science. The House and the Web of Time.

Obviously a lot of this is classic gender binary stuff. But let's put the exasperated question of "Why must we do the gender binary like this?" aside for a moment and think about Gallifreyan society instead.

Pythia-ruled and Time Lord-ruled Gallifrey have a lot of the same problems in the end, just wearing different faces: they're both very much totalitarian states that believe themselves to be above everyone else. But while the Time Lords observe and micromanage the Web of Time from their Panopticon, maintaining its integrity to their standards, the Pythians didn't have time travel, so this preoccupation with control manifested--as far as I know; this is the bit in the meta where I admit I haven't actually read Time's Crucible yet--as keeping the entirety of society in one psychic hivemind, leaving nobody any privacy, plus a lot of future-reading and prophecy and whatnot.

The main relics of that societal layout into post-Rassilon Gallifreyan society are the Matrix, which has every single dead Time Lord's brain in it and does their prophecies for them, just couched in a little bit more science than Pythian magic, the Houses, which are alive all around you and in which you're constantly being watched by the Housekeeper through her mirrors, and, of course, the gender binary.

The Pythia was always a woman. Women were the ones with vast psychic powers, with magic; women were the ones in charge. Pythian Gallifrey was a heavily gendered society. This is because Gallifreyans are a kind of bug /shot with the "irrelevant to the point at hand" gun.

And so, when Rassilon rebelled, he was very much playing the part of "opposite gender with opposite worldview." The Pythia had female magic and superstition; he had male science and technology. His most trusted Founders were either all or mostly men, depending on the version of events you prefer. (Personally I have my doubts about the Other.) Rassilon built his new society as a man, among men, in opposition to the matriarchs before him.

Gallifrey, despite the invention (or theft, depending on the story) of regeneration allowing people to trans their gender randomly and sometimes unintentionally, never left the gender binary behind.

The whole point of modern Gallifreyan society is that they're still stuck in that exact same moment Rassilon took over (and the Pythia cursed them to sterility, if thats the version you're going with). You could easily make an argument for this being some cycle of abuse type situation; Rassilon and co overthrew the Pythia and immediately did exactly what she was doing to them to the wider universe. I tend to read it as a regeneration: it's the same society, really. It just died and was reborn, and now it looks and sounds different.

-

The downside of trying to translate a discord conversation into a proper meta post is that sometimes making a coherent transition between thoughts is impossible. So to introduce the next bit of this post, I'm going to hand you off for a moment to this post about the 8th Doctor's "I'm not sure I've ever even been a man" quote from Interference. As op of that post says, the Doctor is genderqueer even by Gallifreyan standards- he's being questioned in that scene by another Gallifreyan, who doesn't understand his experience of gender.

The EDAs are full of "Eight is nonbinary" quotes, of course. Every queer fan who's ever engaged with them has a collection (and if anyone knows where that one google doc compilation that was going around awhile back went I'd be in your debt, because I'd love to know if my collection is missing any), but almost all those quotes refer to his genderqueerness in human terms, as observed by human companions, or in response to human assumptions. Except that one. Not only is Gallifrey's gender binary alive and well in a society where people can literally change their gender when they die, but the Doctor doesn't fit inside it.

All this to say that being a renegade Time Lord is a nonbinary thing to do. Especially the Doctor, with all sorts of weird Other Timeless nonsense in their biodata. Women stay on Gallifrey (or Karn!) and do magic and watch you. Men stay on Gallifrey and do science and watch other people. Renegades go out and do whatever they please. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

-

So. Gallifrey has a gender binary. It's vestigial, a remnant of an earlier iteration of society with a much sharper male-female divide, and it doesn't make logical sense for it to exist. So: How does it manifest? And what function does its continued existence serve in the interests of the status quo and ruling class?

Let's take a look at 7th Doctor novel Lungbarrow.

Lungbarrow introduces us to (among many other things) the living Houses of the Time Lord Families, and to the family structures within: the patriarchal figure of the Kithriarch, the always-female Housekeeper, bound in her ritual marriage to the House itself, and hordes of petty squabbling Cousins.

Kithriarch is already an interesting title. It's obviously a gender neutral version of matriarch or patriarch, but the role itself seems to be almost entirely a male sort of thing in opposition to the feminine Housekeeper.

The Housekeeper, meanwhile, seems to be in a direct conceptual and societal line of descent from the Pythian priestesses: she can see anything within her domain, she has a psychic connection to the House, from whom she cannot hide anything, she can command the wooden Drudge servants and other House subsystems, she prioritizes the House above all where the Kithriarch is supposed to prioritize the Family. Women are frightening and powerful psychics. They know everything you want to keep secret, and prioritize the collective.

(There's also something here about how Lungbarrow presents duelling dualities--the Doctor and the Master, the CIA head and the Lord President, the Kithriarch and the Housekeeper, the masculine and the feminine--but I haven't quite tied it into the rest of this yet.) (Although while we're mentioning the Master. He's girlcoded by Gallifreyan standards and the Rani is boycoded by the same. I will not be expanding on this at this time just trust me.)

I think Housekeepers and women who want to be Housekeepers try to keep their self-image as women strong enough that they never regenerate into a male body (whatever a '"male body" means, of course, but I'm not sure Time Lords have gotten that far in their queer theory yet). I also think that there are more female Kithriarchs than male Housekeepers, because Housekeeper is much more heavily ritualized role in keeping with the Pythia's more ritualized general vibe, but I do think female Kithriarchs are still few and far between.

I also think that these are probably the most explicitly gendered occupations on Gallifrey, although of course you'll see some drift. Most women are out there getting the same scientific, military, and bureaucratic positions as men. But there's this lingering specter of gender roles, a Pythia-shaped hole that exists around the concept of womanhood. As my cowriter put it when we were talking about this, an "ideal of womanhood. not ‘ideal’ as in desirable, [but] ‘ideal’ as in the quintessential image of the thing."

This is further amplified by the continued existence of the Pythians in the form of the Sisterhood of Karn, living in their perfectly functional all-women magic society just out of sight. Their presence at the edge of the Gallifreyan consciousness must haunt the Time Lords, as any imperialist power is haunted by its own past and its own ultimate impotence.

Because that's the other thing. Gender roles are, to quote my cowriter again, "stupid and antiquated and historically potent tools of authoritarianism." Of course the Time Lords have them. Have you seen them?

They're tools of control, of conformity, of idealizing the past. Of conservatism. Consider, to once more quote my cowriter, "the weird traditionalist psychosis of having gender roles in a society that can’t bear children."

The ideal woman on Gallifrey is still the Pythia, millenia or even billenia on. And the ideal man is still the Lord President Rassilon.

-

[thank you for your time! if you liked this please consider checking out my fic Something Old, which is about lungbarrow, the adventuress of henrietta street, and the gallifreyan concept of marriage, and in the writing of which i initially articulated most of the thoughts in this post. i've previously characterized it as a fic that's actually a meta post. and please don't be too mean to me for anything i got wrong in here! i'm just a little guy]

#zephflix original #meta tag #doctor who #gallifrey #gender stuff #a house isnt a home without invasive psychic contact -gallifreyan proverb i just made up #also i bet the shobogans have great whatever the gallifreyan equivalent of gay bars are

[soldez]

would u recommend working w kids? they are so so sillay. also leo being second oldest is very real to me and i love that your vibes for her are summer camp counselor

HI!! that's a complicated question because it really depends on who you are and what your needs are. kids are adorable and hilarious and i find their company extremely fulfilling, but they're also LOUD and EXHAUSTING, and you need to have a certain tolerance for screaming, grabbing, bluntness, and (if you work with toddlers like me) the occasional poopy situation. if you have sensory issues like me, I'd strongly recommend establishing a set time and place to recharge every day, (or even bringing headphones if you're able to) and setting clear boundaries, like "my body needs space right now," "i don't like being touched there, thank you," etc. (which also teaches them consent/setting their own boundaries as a bonus). if you've never really worked with kids before, you might look for opportunities to substitute, or even volunteer at libraries and whatnot to get a sense of how it feels for you. i feel like everyone remembers a teacher from their childhood who just hated their job and made it everyone's problem, so don't be that person. i guess what I'm trying to say is that it's important to put your wellbeing first, or you'll be miserable, and that will rub off on the kids.

personally, i love how kids are naturally curious and blunt. they will just say whatever. and it IS extremely exciting and fulfilling to watch them learn and grow in real time, because they absorb information SO FAST. it's important to be observant and patient and non-judgmental and kind, because they WILL emulate your behavior. every single day I'm delighted and surprised by one of them saying something sweet out of nowhere, supporting or comforting a friend, resolving a conflict on their own, pronouncing a word like CRUSTACEAN that's way beyond their usual reading level, or randomly asking to hold my hand or sit on my lap when they've never done that before....

HOWEVER. do not tell my employers i said this, but I'd eventually like to work with slightly older kids, like 6-8 year olds, because i feel like that's the age range where they've kind of had a chance to develop personalities and hobbies and interests (beyond favorite colors and animals and whathaveyou), and they're starting to learn how to make jokes and insult people but they just go about it in the funniest way possible. and their imaginary games have extended plotlines, and theyll sometimes just decide to write an entire comic book or movie script in an afternoon. and you can actually hold a conversation with them, wheras toddlers will often just lose interest and walk away if they don't immediately grasp something. you also have to be very direct with toddlers, which is something I'm still getting used to just because i really dislike talking down to people of any age or size. like do NOT get me wrong, i LOVE my 3-5 year olds, but i do miss babysitting 8 year olds from time to time. and age is something to consider, again, especially if you're squeamish about bathroom stuff. *shudders and stares off into the distance*

anyways that was probably a way longer answer than you wanted and just a bunch of nonsense words. tl;dr the answer is Yeah. If you want. ❤️

#also i know ive been saying this for weeks but i am drawing another child whisperer leo comic Very slowly #I'm just working every day this week and don't have the energy to draw afterward for the reasons stated above

[imperial-topaz2003]

Your SWTOR OCs are now in the world of the Witcher!

Thanks for the ask, @swtorpadawan ! Ooooo, that's a good one! Wild Hunt is one of my top 3 favorite video games ever! Now, let's see. Yulizzia I imagine being a Witcher-type. I don't remember if females can become Witchers, but I imagine her being some sort of Moster hunter if not. Definitely one of the more optimistic of the OCs, trying her best to save as many lives as possible. Ascillan would be a bit more on the reserved side. He's the type who'd try to observe his surroundings, studying monsters and their weaknesses, as well as trying to get a feel of the world's geopolitical situation. Rather than interact with civilians, he'd rather stick to the wilds as a hermit/Oracle type, avoiding contact for the most part, but not afraid to help any lost travelers. Aellisu is the more opportunistic type. He's the one who'd try to make a wealthy living. Wether it be through setting up a smuggling ring, trading, or just simple mercenary work, lining his pockets would be a priority. Once he stabilizes his financial situation tho, he wouldn't mind taking on more heroic acts, always looking to lend a hand to the little guys...literally in the case of dwarves and gnomes. Baduenda and Hadisha would have fairly similar roles, imo. I could see the both of them (maybe together) taking on jobs such as protecting villages, guarding trade caravans, and the like. In particular, I imagine Baduenda would be fairly opposed to the Nilfgaardians (especially if she arrived during the Northern Wars), as their invasions would remind her too much of the Sith Empire back home. Tyrrnith would have a fairly similar reaction as Ascillan, initially taking it slow and not interacting with many people. However, unlike our Jedi Consular, Tyr would take a more active role once he gets a feel of the world. I could see him starting up a mercenary band of some type, teaching people how to fight and ward off against monsters, bandits, ect. Mostly, this would be to establish a solid powerbase on the Continent, but I could see him having some genuine attachments to his new forces. Lavissia's focus would definitely be on magic. She'd see this new world as an untapped reservoir of opportunities to expand her own power. She'd stick to the wilds, possibly being known in folklore as a mysterious Witch or whatnot. I could definitely see her taking an interest in the Ladies of the Wood, Gaunter O'Dimm, or even Ciri herself...though she'd know better than to pursue the latter. A'vash'l would probably make way for the nearest civilized area, wherever he ends up, as he'd realize those are the safer areas...compared to the rest of the world at least. He'd spend a lot of his time fairly poor, not just due to finances, but also to maintain his cover on the world. Once he settles in, I could see him forming some underground spy/assassination ring, rarely showing his face and taking on contracts for locals, and learning the inner workings of the governments of the Northern Kingdoms and Nilfgaardian Empire.

That's the best I can think up for now. Lemme know what you think!

#swtor #swtor asks #swtor oc #the witcher #ask #oc: yulizzia orlais #oc: Ascillan #oc: aellisu zarmahan #oc: baduenda orlais #oc: tyrrnith zarmahan #oc: lavissia #oc: avashl #oc: hadisha

[thatspookyagent]

I saw in one of your reblogs of an ask you said your favorite marvel character was Ant-man so I was wondering which Ant-man movie was your favorite?🖤

This is GENUINELY a really tough question for me! I love the humour of both and fun fact, I actually went to go see both in theaters! Scope (Scott x Hope) is like my favorite MCU ship and I really like seeing the relationship between them start and develop in the first movie! That and how protective Hank is over his daughter! And I like seeing how Scott started out and how we see his relationship with his daughter at first!

Ultimately I HAVE to go with Ant-Man and The Wasp on this one! I like Ghost more as a villian plus the whole stuck at home while under house arrest makes the movie a thousand times funnier and better! Plus we get more of Scott being a father to Cassie and those two are utterly ADORABLE together! The jokes are funnier and better, and the dynamic between Hope, Hank, and Scott is much more familiar to! Can't forget about Scott's buddies as well! His second movie sets up Endgame to!

Thank you so much for this ask hun! I don't get many like this and I treasure them! Giving me the chance to infodump about things I'm really passionate about is really a reward!

Also I'm hyped for future Ant-Man content releasing! I've been championing him for a long time and I love seeing him get more exposure! I'm definitely going to be keeping an eye on Quantum Realm! :))

Also he's my phone lockscreen! :3

#ugh I really love him! #and this ask! :) #thanks for being observant with my interests and whatnot! :3 #answered asks #asks #mutuals #ant man #ant man and the wasp #scott lang #scott lang ant man #paul rudd #paul rudd ant man

[kio-may]

Hello you amazing human being!! May i request hcs of the dorm leaders with a gn s/o who is a swordfighter who uses breathing techniques like in the anime demon slayer? (Btw if u havent watched demon slayer you can just do a normal swordfighter so dont worry :D) thank you 😊💕

RARARGYU this was my favorite !! Thank you for the request darling <3 i cut off malleus' part a bit 😭 so if you want please feel free to send in a request for him again

--

It's your calmness that attracts his attention

When he first sees you and your sword, he's intimidated but won't do anything much about it

But when you tell your friends stories and tales from your world about demons and the pillars, he's interested.

You live in such an unjust world? And still yearn to go back?

He's hesitant, but he starts to pay closer attention to you. He admires the amount of hardwork you put in

And after his Overblot, he remembers how gracefully and swiftly you dealt with it, your sword flowing in all kinds of ways he'd never seen before

He's almost like a kid, really. He won't admit it, but the way his eyes sparkle just the tiniest bit when you speak about your homeland or training and whatnot, really give it away.

He sometimes observes you practicing breathing techniques and once tried to follow along with you, asking you if he could also try it. But his face ended up red and he doubled over from the lack of practice.

He's always fascinated whenever you use these in combat practice.

He sometimes shares quiet moments with you in the rose garden, and both of you would be at peace. Sometimes he asks if he can look at your scars, and listens intently when you talk about their stories.

He won't admit it, but at some point he's wanted to know what it feels like to hold a sword. He sometimes traces his fingers over your sword and is in awe at it's color.

"It changes color based on the user? ..interesting"

He's absolutely smitten with the grace you exhibit when you're in combat, really.

He's also.. worried.

Are you sure you want to go back to such a grueling place? It's a bit hypocritical for him to ask but, don't you deserve to give yourself a break?

At night he holds you a bit closer,and when you have nightmares, his fingers play with your hair, and he listens to you sadly when you talk about your grievances. He can't do much, but a part of him wants to hold you so much more closer and keep you safe, and away from so much on your shoulders.

Worried, but also so fascinated.

It's your quiet strength that attracts his attention 

He wouldn't pay much attention to you at first, but the more people talk about you, the more he's interested.

You slayed demons in your world? You've got guts.

He'll look at your uniform and be impressed. If he can, he'll even try on your haori

He likes seeing you practice, he'll observe you from far away. And he won't even have to see you in combat to know how skilled you are, he can tell.

He's very smug about being your s/o, really. He loves smothering you in affection knowing how goddamn powerful you are. Farena's wife got nothing on you KSKSSM

At night when he feels you squirming under him from nightmares, he'll gently wake you up. He'll give you space to process it and listen if you choose to tell him. He tenderly traces over your scars as you recall about witnessing someone's death.

He's.. disturbed. No wonder you get so many night terrors. He really respects how much you go through and endure in order to protect people. A part of him hopes you don't kill yourself in the process, and hopes you don't go back. He doesn't want to lose you for sure.

He's eerily impressed by how fast you move. Swifty and quietly, but you manage to take down opponents at least 4× bigger than you.

He loves when you use your breathing techniques and draw your blade. He likes watching you cleanly pierce through combat dummies. It satisfies his eyes for some reason.

"You're stronger than you seem."

He doesn't appear interested, although, he will ask you about the pillars from time to time. He wants to learn so much more about your origins, and your decisions. He'll ask about the ones he's confused about; how'd the butterfly hashira manage to become so strong? He's interested in the ones he can't understand very well.

Will talk shit about Muzan with you if you want. He'll make jokes and make fun of whatever appearances he has.

Absolutely loves when you put on your entire uniform.

Your stories of another world catch his eye

At first he's terrified of you. You slayed demons? Those things that eat people and surpass human limits by a great deal?

He won't approach you straight away, but he'll have Jade and Floyd keep an eye on you.

But after you both are in a relationship, he's in a constant daze.

He's very happy about having someone like you as his s/o, proud even, the occasional insecurities creep in but he's so confused about he was able to get someone like you

Admires your strength so much, and always praises you after practice sessions.

Sometimes in quiet moments when you two are alone and in private spaces, he'll mumble out asking if he can touch your muscles. If you ask him to repeat,he'll be flustered at the thought and ask you to forget it. Do let him touch them though KWJSKQ he's very red when you offer him to feel your arm

He traces over your scars and whispers a lot of heartwarming appreciation sometimes. He'll look at you and a glance at the scars littered on your arm, and his gaze feels more tender and pitiful. He empathizes a lot if you feel like your scars are ugly, and reassures you quite often that they're not.

Almost cries with you when you talk about your grievances.

He doesn't want you to go back to your own world. He knows it's selfish, but he can't help it.

He'll only watch from afar as you practice. He's not the most athletic, so he won't dare to try what you do, but he's interested in what you can offer. He'll ask you tips on strengthening your own body and your experiences with it, and he'll try, but he acknowledges he won't be getting to your level anytime soon, even with the added advantage of magic. He chooses to admire from afar

Very interested in your sword. A nichirin blade that changes color based on it's user? Eye catching indeed. He'll study it's properties, and if you somehow have a useless spare one,he's more than happy to take it. He's interested in nichirin swords and maybe even tries to search for ways to modify yours. It may even give him an insight on what properties demons might possess.

"Ah, there's a dent right here."

Loves feeling your haori. He thinks it's a very honorable clothing item, and treats it with a lot of care.

Your subtle kindness draws him in

At first he doesn't realise how powerful you are ー he's just happy to have you as his partner!

But the more he listens to your stories, the more he's entranced by your strength

"That was amazing!"

He's like a kid, bouncing up and down and wanting to know so much more about the pillars, about your battles and journies, your friends, everything! He's soaking up every word he can when you mention your world.

Always calls demons the 'poopy guys' /hj

He'll ask if it's okay to wear your haori, and then proceeds to wear it all the time. Sometimes you wonder if he wears it more than you do. He just loves the feeling of it! It feels like a very monumental achievement just wearing it. 

He sometimes holds your sword and carefully waves it around a bit, his eyes sparkling in wonder. He's enthralled by the experience of holding a sword of a seasoned warrior.

He's so proud of you! And being your s/o. He always hugs you after he plays around with your sword a bit. 

He hugs you very close at night, and makes sure you're very comfortable. He wants to assure your safety in this world, and he sympathizes with your night terrors. He wants to prevent them before they happen,and always prioritizes your comfort. When you have nightmares, he'll gently rub his hands on your back as you cave into him. He listens to you and calms you down the best he can. He'll try to get your mind off of things and even offer to take you on rides on his magic carpet.

He'll sometimes ask to see your scars, and stare at them in wonder for a solid 12 minutes before telling you how cool they are and how badass they make you look.

He's so excited every time you practice breathing techniques and whatnot, cheers his lungs out everytime you smash or accidentally break the training dummies. He's as tired as you after your training sessions, but he's just too amazed not to celebrate.

He admires your grace in strength

At first he thought you were just a mindless brute

But after you both actually became official, boy did he find out he was wrong

He won't admit it, but he's slightly icky about how off point he was about you.

He's.. unsettled when you talk about the harsh conditions of your world. He's concerned about how you managed to survive. He will however, deeply respect you, whether or not you make the decision to back.

He often longingly gazes at your scars with tender,and usually in private. These are usually the moments where you tell him about some of your more intimate scars ー the ones you'd gotten in battles where someone dear was lost. And his touch feels all the more fragile and warm on your skin.

He often asks you to put on your uniform, he finds it very intriguing. He likes seeing you in it, and sometimes modifies it.

"The uniform isn't as bland as I expected"

Adores your haori.

Offers to get you different designed ones aswell. He loves how it suits you.

He's not often around to witness it, but he sometimes hears, and even sees you, teaching Epel and helping him get stronger. Your determination and will is something he finds endearing.

He's going hysterical at the rough skin of your hands, from all the time spent on sharpening your skin; he's going to faint from the rough texture. Always harried when forcing you to apply moisturizer to your skin. He's like a fretting panicked mother hen.

While both of you are doing your routines, he likes to ask you about stories from your world. He likes to listen to stories about great hashiras, the sun hashira, Muzan, and whatnot. He listens intently and he's annoyed by Muzan.

Very proud of you,actually. You managed to survive in those conditions,and grew stronger each battle. That's not something everyone can achieve, and he has such a fond smile when he tells you that.

When you have nightmares, he wakes you up and firmly (but gently) places a hand on your shoulder. He'll help you ground back down if you have a hard time processing the nightmare. He'll listen to you, hold you close and bury you in his chest while you talk or cry about it. He'll kiss your forehead and offer to change the topic if you want,and he'll talk about anything until you're peacefully asleep again.

He really loves the way you move when you're going through your breathing forms. He finds the gracefulness in it beautiful and his attention is always on you when you practice them.

His perspective on people who use swords have changed a bit ever since you've arrived. He's always regarded using swords as rough and very.. unsightly and loud in a way (ahem, sebek). But seeing you handle it in such a powerful way makes him think it's not that bad of a weapon, it's just the user.

He's terrified part 3 or sumn

It was probably Ortho who brought you to him,and he almost pissed his pants

He knew those scars were no joke.

And when you two actually became official?

He was basically floating in outer space

He thinks you're like a game character! Maybe you could even be one of the main characters of a game he plays. The outfit, cool katana, the theme, everything about you is very admirable!

Often asks Ortho to watch over you when you're alone and no one else is around. He's worried about you in subtler ways.

He listens in intrigue and shock when you talk about your world.

He admires the people you talk about a lot, and often wonders what it would be like to live in such a place (absolutely terrified of the thought).

He admires your determination and strength, he could never come so close.

Often, he sneaks glances at your scars. He won't ask you about them, even if it kills him, but he'll look at them and wonder how you got each one. You'll have to reassure him and explain a few to him if you want him to feel comfortable asking about them. And even then he won't verbally really ask you,but steal a few glances at them.

He loves,loves and I mean LOVES your haori. He'd compare it to several characters and be so happy about it for some reason. I just have a feeling he's absolutely enthralled by your haori. He thinks it's so pretty and vibrant. Just fascinated by it overall.

When you have nightmares at night, he won't know what to do, but he's going to try. He knows he's not the best with words, so he hugs you close and rests his forehead on yours. You can vent or cry about what happened, or you dont have to do anything. He guides your hands through his hair ー and although they're fire, they're warm and glow dim against your hand. Gentle and welcoming, they are soothing. He doesn't speak but rather gives you space to. He hugs you firmly and unless you want to be left alone he'll keep his grip on you slightly firm in an assuring manner.

When Ortho is accompanying you outside, he asks if he can record you practicing and whatnot. He loves seeing you go crazy with breathing techniques and smashing all the training dummies. It's super amazing to him, and sometimes he rewatches old clips of you using your breathing techniques in complete awe. He is lucky to have you by his side.

"That was very flashy…"

It's a 50/50 on how he approaches your katana

Either he's scared shitless about it, or he's slightly obsessing over it everytime you leave it unattended

He asks you, barely above a whisper if he can touch it. He's over the moon when he gets a feel of the sword.

Your calm nature intrigues him

He's interested in anyone who approaches him tbh

When you two enter a relationship, that's when he starts asking questions

It's only when either both of you are very close friends or are very intimate that he starts asking about scars and your past. He understands being from such a harsh world has it's own sensitive matters which have affected you, and respects it.

He'll listen when you talk about the hashiras, the sun hashira, muzan, demons, your family, etc.. and he'll ponder deeply about it before asking more questions. He won't comment much on it but rather is interested in what you feel about it

There's a low sort of anger in him when you talk about everyone who's hurt your dearest. He can't explain it,but a part of him hopes he can at least lend a hand to you by your side if he can come to your world.

He traces over your scars at night, and holds you a bit closer.

He's seen a lot of things, and has heard about a lot of people, but you have definitely left a sort of mark on him. You've changed the way he sees things,and you make him more appreciative of their more peaceful world.

When you cry or vent at night about memories that haunt you, he's there. His eyes are on you, and his hands hold yours. He doesn't budge. Listens to you until you are too tired to speak, and comforts you while scooping you into his embrace. It takes him a while to get used to comforting you, but when he's used to it, he's so warm and gentle it boggles your mind. He holds you close and talks about anything else, until his voice soothes you to sleep.

He likes to trace the patterns on your haori. It gives him a strange calming sensation

#twst #disney twst #twst au #twst malleus #twst idia #twst vil #twst kalim #azul twst #twst leona #twst riddle #twisted wonderland au #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x you #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland malleus #twisted wonderland vil #twisted wonderland idia #twisted wonderland kalim #twisted wonderland leona #twisted wonderland azul #twisted wonderland riddle #riddle rosehearts #malleus draconia #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #my writing

[candyopala]

Stuck in his ways, Chapter 5

Chapter Summary:  Y/N’s training begins, but not before she discovers one of Obito’s secrets.

Words: 1.7k

AO3

Please reblog or like if you enjoy, comments are always welcome <3

5:30 in the morning. It is the sixth time Y/N has woken up. This whole concussion thing has messed up her whole sleeping schedule, she tried her best to get some rest, but to no avail. She ended up sleeping for about fourteen or fifteen hours between small intervals, but she feels worse than before. 

Y/N drags herself out of bed, makes some coffee, and brushes her teeth, the whole deal. Having a constant roof above her head is nice, she has to admit that. Not having to worry about wild animals and the climate is cool, but the warmth of a bed is the best part of it. Tying her brand new bandana on her forehead, she leaves the small apartment and heads to the training grounds on the outskirts of the village.  

She makes her way through the village’s main market, trying to avoid stumbling onto the hundreds of busy people bustling around her. Watching people attend to their duties and following their routines has always been a hobby of hers, she always found interest in seeing people who can afford to do the same thing every day, have some sort of routine. Can she consider herself one of them now? No, maybe not. Ninjas are always doing different missions and whatnot; their routines are as fucked up as a merc’s. Maybe she can become a baker in another life, who knows? 

Around the corner, a hand blocking her way surprises her. At the end of it is a medium height man with his hair tucked into some sort of fabric, with bits of brown hair coming out of the sides. The man holds a toothpick between his lips, accompanied by a smug smile and an attitude that instantly annoys Y/N. 

“’Sup babygirl, how come I’ve never seen you around?”

“I’ve been busy for the last 26 years”

“Busy living in my dreams, I bet”

“Busy fucking you mom, actually”

The sleazy type is the worst in Y/N’s opinion. Nothing disgusts her more than someone who thinks they’re hot shit just because they’re attractive. She pushes him away and keeps on walking.  

“Ouch! Feisty, I like that. I’ll remember ya!” he states as he leaves the scene with a wink and a flick of his toothpick. 

This has to be a joke, what a douchebag.

Going back on her way and observing the people, she closes into a mass of messy short black hair. The man has his back turned to her, but by the jonin vest and height, she assumes it could be… no, wait… it could not be! This man is helping an old lady carry a shitload of groceries, he would never be nice enough to do that. 

Could it be him!?

From afar, she changes angle to try and catch a glimpse of his face. After much difficulty dodging busy locals, she is able to see clearly and… it’s Obito! Obito Uchiha helping a poor old lady carry her stuff, I wish I had a camera on me. She thinks of approaching him, but she decides against it in favor of watching from a distance to see where this goes. 

Turns out the frail woman lives on the other side of town. Obito sure enough has carried all that stuff through the worst climbs Y/N has ever seen on a city. But that was not all: he was being extra nice. He laughed at all her jokes and even smiled back at her. This is grade A entertainment. 

When they finally reach her destination, the old lady pulls out a lollypop and gives it to him. Y/N immediately loses her shit, almost falling from the ceiling she is in because of her fit of laughter. Before she can compose herself, she notices a presence behind her. She was discovered, but who cares? She has seen enough. Obito towers above her, trying to look intimidating, but failing to do so since he has a lollipop on his mouth. 

“First you invade my house, now you’re following me. Are you sure I’m the one who should be called a creep?”

“Well, you’re right. Maybe I’ll start calling you… Granny Simp Uchiha©, how about that?”  

“I hate you”

“Ow, I’m so hurt, oh my god, how could you? But seriously, I didn’t mean to intrude, but when I saw that… I needed to see more to believe it” She states as she breaks into another fit of laughter

“Let’s go, we’re late for training”

“Have you ever been on time a day of your life, though?”

“Never, I’ll probably be late for my own funeral”

“Fair enough. Wait, did you just make a joke that’s not on my expense?”

“Oh no, your dumbassery is influencing me!” He raises his gloved hands ironically

“Shut up”

 ~”~

 They both reach the training grounds at around 7:30, late but not a whole lot, thanks to Obito’s kamui. Obito will have to make some slight modifications on the mission report to avoid Minato’s wrath. After a quick warmup, Obito goes straight to the point: 

“How much do you even know about jutsu?”

“Well… I can do that chakra punch, maybe walk on water and trees or release genjutsu, but that’s all.”

“Not even a clone or some substitution jutsu?”

“Nope”

“So you’re basically an academy student with enough brute force to take down S rank criminals… That’s… odd”

Y/N scratches the back of her head, clearly embarrassed by her lack of training. Obito did not expect to have to teach such basic things. I mean, if he wanted to teach people stuff he would have signed up for a job at the academy. He still cannot believe Minato sensei is putting him up to this babysitting job. 

He needs to do well on this mission if he wants to get back onto the Hokage’s good side and guarantee his position as the next one. This is his second day with Y/N and things have been insane and… fun? No, he should not be thinking like that. Perhaps he should also go talk with Kushina and ask her to convince sensei to let him go from this one; he was always her favorite after all.

“Granny simp? You ok? Did I disappoint you that much?”

Obito fixes his bandana’s position over his left eye, trying to get himself out of his head. He is here now, so he had better get to work. If he can control himself enough not to put her under a nasty genjutsu for calling him that again, that is. 

“Call me that again and I’ll tell everyone that you saw me naked”

“You were not naked, dickhead. And what’s wrong with that?”

“Uhm…?”

“…?”

“Anyway… we’ll start with some cloning jutsu. Have you ever done any seals?”

“Only one or two”

“Try to copy what I’m doing”

“Hey! Stop doing it so fast!”

She honestly seems to be giving her best, but her hand signs are not quite right and the chakra distribution on her network must be all wrong, judging by her failure in producing something that seems to be remotely human. This takes Obito’s memory back to his old academy days, back when he could not do a single clone properly. He would spend whole nights awake training to achieve something passable. Rin helped him a lot back then. The only thing he has ever taught someone was that sexy jutsu to Naruto. To say Kushina was mad was an understatement. 

“Concentrate your chakra all along your body, not only on your hands”

“Hum… right, can I get a lollipop after this?”

Four hours later and Y/N has finally mastered two basic jutsu: substitution and cloning. She almost passed out several times due to exhaustion, but thanks to some food pills, she is enduring todays training much better. 

Obito has been analyzing her every movement with his sharingan. Looking closely her techniques lack grace, truly a sign of someone who learned everything they know by experience. He needs to fix that too. 

Her endurance is also remarkably low. If she were to fight right now, she could do maybe two or three jutsu before passing out, making her rely solely onto her speed and blade habilities. The girl is more of a samurai than a ninja at this point. Examining her file earlier, he noticed that her chakra reserves are not that low as she has stated before, according to the medical department she has an average quantity of it. She just lacks the ability to use it properly.  

Some very hard work is in order; it could take some months to get her into decent shape. That would be too much time and effort for Obito, there has to be another way of dealing with this mission quicker. 

He did not want to do this, but he will have to talk to Kakashi for some teaching tips. Hell, if he was able to teach anything useful to Naruto he will be able to come up with a routine to help Y/N’s training. 

I just hope he doesn’t decide to bother me about this situation…

After dropping Y/N on her house, with much protest from her part, Obito heads to the village’s café to meet with Kakashi Hatake. He knows that the ninja likes to spend his late afternoons reading his porn books accompanied by some coffee, disgusting stuff if you ask Obito. The coffee, that is. He has no formed opinion on porn books.

Approaching the store, he spots his friend’s mass of upward pointing grey hair. Something is different about him, though. Kakashi is usually… a very apathetic person. The look he gave Obito had chills running the Uchiha’s spine, he looked, well, excited. 

“Obito! I finally found you! Sit down”

Aliens killed him and this is a body double. Or this is one of Gai’s practical jokes. Obito is honestly stumped.

“Are you ok bakashi?”

“Great! So… who’s the girl?”

Great, just awesome.      

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Of course you know, everyone is talking about how you were seen walking up and down with some mysterious gal. I’m so happy for you! Finally you’re going to stop being a sad grumpy bachelor! I’ll call dibs on the position of best-man” and suddenly Kakashi jumps up from his seat, coming closer to Obito’s face “Have you guys done it yet? Did she run away from you and now you need my advice? You could use some techniques from Icha I-”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Those books are rotting your brain, seriously what the hell?”

“So is it true?”

#Obito #Jonin Obito #obito x reader #obito x you #obito uchiha #uchiha obito #uchiha #naruto fanfiction

[neon-junkie]

Okay this started off as a little idea thing that was meant to help usher in good vibes for this new chapter in your and your blog's life, but it kinda got away from me just a bit . . .

Bartending was a pain in your ass? Understandable as hell. But for everyone's resident frosty-haired/temperamented bitch? ...Yeah no it's still a bit of a pain in the ass, but at least he's making decent enough money he feels.

May I introduce to you Bartender!Crosshair in a modern AU.

Thankfully he's not shoved into some corporate place: The cozy little establishment he's been burning the midnight oil at is, in fact, a lovely (?) hole-in-the-wall type of joint, a favorite haunt of all kinds of characters both weird and hella weird. And given that Cross is a naturally observant person, he knows his regulars. And you most certainly are not one of them, causing you to stand out.

...You also stand out because you practically stormed into the place. You try your best to be polite but when you place your drink order, it still comes out in a growl. Normally, Cross is the sort to take a passive aggressive slight to behavior like this: At least have the decency to be drunk before acting up with him. But he recognizes those signs: That outfit that says you're looking to impress without necessarily aiming solely for it; the way your brow is furrowed that suggests disappointment; that you're rapidly typing on your phone -- probably to a friend -- instead of taking a good gander at the environment around you.

Yup: You just had a shitshow of a date and you came here to add alcohol to the fire burning inside you.

The guy had been, to put it politely, a fucking grossass creep. The kind of misogynist present in 80s movies and practically parodied today. And frankly, you weren't sure of what to be more upset about: that you had wasted time, that you had had any positive expectations, or that both your time and expectations had gotten totally throttled through seven layers of drywall. Either way, you couldn't take it anymore: You snuck out of the bistro you'd agreed to meet at and found yourself in this cozy little den of gruffness.

Oh well, you thought as you took a sip of your drink. At least the bartender's cute here . . . Despite being on the slender side, he still seemed to have some kind of muscle going on, as evidenced by his arms made bare by the black shirt he wore. Not that the tattoos riddling his skin didn't also perk your interest. . .

I think I might've gone on far too long here but the gist would've been that you two sort of start to chat up and whatnot but then your shit date tries to come in and start something because you ditched him, prompting Cross to go ahead and act as a bouncer (because yeah, he's a bartender but he was still a soldier at some point in the Modern AU and thus can still think of seventeen distinct ways to kick an ass in under ten seconds).

You wait with him until the bar closes per his suggestion so he can walk you home, making sure that cretin doesn't get any ideas or anything. You exchange contact info "in case he tries to bother you again", though Cross does check up on you a few days later "to make sure you're okay." The shit date never reappears, but you and Cross continue to message one another. Often, in fact . . . Let's just say that maybe that shit date night wasn't a total loss for you~

ahhh anon, this got buried in my inbox, but thank you so much for this!! i love it!!! Crosshair would definitely work at a boujee, high end, snazzy looking cocktail bar. Whiskey is his speciality, but he knows every product like the back of his hand, and can tell what your taste is just by looking at you.

So, when you come in in a huff, he takes one look at you and suggests that you need [your favourite drink], and thats how the conversation begins flowing.

And then you're sitting on one of the bar stools, chatting to him in between serving customers, ranting and whatnot, and he's chuckling along and encouraging you to get it out of your system.

Yeah, i love this, anon. Thank you <3

#alcohol mention #alcohol tw #the bad batch #crosshair #tbb crosshair #bartender!crosshair #au

[deniigi]

i’m just going to ask for writing advice here, i hope that’s okay?

first of all, i really love your writing! anyways, i want to write a fic (my first, yikes) with peter parker in it (highschool age) and i want him to be jewish in the fic. it’s not centered around religion, though. i’m personally not jewish and i don’t know a lot about the culture. i was wondering if you had any tips for writing him as a jewish character? like any cultural aspects I should address that imight mpact his life or stuff i should avoid as a non-jewish person? sorry if this weird!

Hi @spookiiess !

Thanks for submitting this question, it’s definitely a tricky one!

So I may not be the best person to ask because I am at most Jewish (I feel like this joke is used and abused but alas it’s still funny to me, so suffer).

What I mean by that is that my father is Jewish and my mother is Roman Catholic and technically, in Judaism, your religion/identity as a Jew comes from the mother.

So, with that, what I’m trying to say is that I’m culturally/ethnically Jewish, but not super religiously Jewish. I wasn’t raised with any particular religion in our household, and it’s my work with Holocaust history that has taught me a lot more about my family and people than my folks did.

I’m still learning about Judaism as a religion, and myjewishlearning.com is very helpful with that!

As such, I can only speak on this from this particular cultural angle about what it feels like to be Jewish in a society where the default is Christianity.

It’s a funny mix of being proud and feeling isolated.

Like, let’s say it’s winter and your Peter is looking out on the city full of lights and decorated trees, etc. And on the one hand, he’s fond because its all beautiful and tender. But on the other hand, as a Jew, Peter might feel that like that sea of holiday cheer isn’t for him.

Another thing that often comes up is frustration with the holidays–especially the big ones like Passover and Rosh Hashanah and Sukkot–that aren’t taken into consideration by schools or institutions, so folks have to make a decision to skip school, use Paid Time Off, etc. etc. in order to celebrate them.

On the one hand, it feels special that you are stepping away from the rest of your class/workmates to do this cultural thing, but at the same time, again, it feels like you’re the odd man out.

I think if you want to touch on maybe a holiday or two in your fic, that would be totally appropriate.

Maybe play with some Yiddish.

So Yiddish is a language that is occasionally/used to be spoken by many Ashkenazi Jews in the United States. It’s sort of a mix of Hebrew and European languages (Russian, German, Slavic languages) and it’s got this amazing rhythm to it. Peter canonically uses Yiddish in his speech patterns, so looking up some of the more common words (like ‘putz’ or ‘schmuck’ or ‘schlep’) and using them in an appropriate context would give him that lovely bit of light-touch cultural context.

(Just as a note, I say Ashkenazi Jews because there are two big categories of Jews– Ashkenazi and Sephardic Jews. Ashkenazi Jews tend to be folks from more European/East European backgrounds whereas Sephardic Jews tend to be folks from more Mediterranean and Middle Eastern backgrounds.)

So yeah, celebrating the holidays and using the language are all good and whatnot, but there are also some things that Jews do which are maybe harder to like, pinpoint/describe as Jewish?

Like in Jewish families, education is often highly valued, as are argumentation abilities. Some of that comes from the importance of literacy in regards to being able to read the Torah (an important and beautiful document with the first 5 books of the Hebrew Bible in it) - reading from the Torah is one of the important tasks used in coming of age ceremonies like the bar/bat mitzvah.

So in the context of writing Peter, if he comes off as argumentative or chatty/talking over people or especially interested in education-based activities, that could be a place where behavior is Jewish-coded (i.e. it’s not obvious. Jews would probably recognize that as being part of their culture, but other folks might not).

Questioning things and especially God is another hallmark of Jewish culture. I.e. If god is all-knowing and all-powerful, why does he allow people to endure such suffering on this earth? Why did he allow the Holocaust to happen if the Jews are His chosen people? Some Jews don’t use the word ‘God’ in their writing and write it, when they do, as ‘G-d,’ too so if you wanted Peter to do that, that would be appropriate too!

So like, that’s a lot of information, so let me give you some quick things to avoid:

1) avoid turning Peter into a lizard person. Avoid describing him as a goblin. These are both linked to stereotypes of Jewish people.

2) Try to avoid putting Peter in Christian coded situations without acknowledging the complex feelings he has toward that kind of thing.

3) Don’t make Peter into a Nazi or a fascist.

4) Jews have varying levels of observance. Some folks keep kosher, some don’t. Some feel like they should and have guilt over moments when they don’t. To this end, maybe avoid making jokes about eating pork.

5) Try to avoid tying Peter to excessive wealth.

This goes back to the goblin thing. Jewish stereotypes tend to frame Jews as money-grubbing people who want to destroy Christians and will do anything to make a quick buck. This is fucked up because Christians were the ones who, in ye olden days, forced Jews into positions where they would handle money so that Christians didn’t have to. Associating Peter with accumulating wealth in this way can have these similar connotations. It doesn’t necessarily ALWAYS have them. But if you lean too hard in that direction, things can get real anti-Semitic real fast, so be careful.

6) Don’t turn Peter into a devil. Don’t give him any horns. I repeat. NO. HORNS.

Christians are literally taught in some places that Jews have horns on their heads. Jews are depicted as agents of Satan who exist to corrupt and murder Christians (and Christian children specifically, but I won’t go into that.) So no horns, even fantasy horns. I’m being like, super real here. Avoid that aesthetic. Put them on someone else who isn’t Jewish.

———

Anyways that’s LOADS of information, probably more than you can absorb right now. So def take your time and use the website as you need it. And of course, I welcome other Jews to jump in with suggestions if y’all have them! It’s really refreshing to see folks asking how to depict Jewish Peters sensitively, so thank you so much for asking, Spookiies, my dear ❤

#jewish peter parker #peter parker #spiderman #writing advice #fic #submission #tw: antisemitism

[aer-in-wanderland]

구미호뎐 | 김범 - Kim Beom ‘Lee Rang Talk’ Instagram LIVE 2020.12.01 

In which Kim Beom addresses fan questions and comments he searched the internet for personally, entirely of his own accord. #Bless ♡♡♡

Time signatures are from this recording uploaded to youtube -> [x]

Because the LIVE was quite long (nearly an hour) I’ve selected out questions and topics that I thought were interesting. For the parts that I omitted, I’ve left time signatures and brief descriptions of what was discussed. If there’s a topic you're curious about that I haven’t included here, feel free to send me an ask. Finally, because the sound quality isn’t the best and he’s sitting back from the camera, there were a few words here and there that I had trouble making out. Sorry in advance!

Introduction & Greeting

Yes, hello! This is actor Kim Beom. And I’m Lee Rang. Before the final episode, before the final week’s broadcast, I wanted to greet you all directly, so I’ve appeared like this dressed as Lee Rang. And...right now you can think of me as someone somewhere in between Kim Beom and Lee Rang. 

To be honest, there’s no decided format. I just went and looked up the things you all were curious about on my own. It could be a bit incoherent, but I hope you’ll enjoy watching. Also, I think there are fans who are worrying how I’ll do a LIVE, since I don’t really know how to, and I haven’t even been on Instagram that long, but actually, in order to do this, I spent the weekend writing the script myself (holding up his cue cards). I wrote the script myself. Actually, yesterday I also had a meeting about how to do an InstaLive, so I hope you’ll enjoy watching. 

[0:01:22~0:02:20] Greeting to international fans in English

[I was impressed by his English here. You can tell he isn’t just reading off his cue cards but actually knows what he’s saying by the way he self-corrects.]

[0:03:00(3:30)~0:05:05] Let Rang eat!

[0:05:10~0:08:04] Re: Color of clothing

Ah! There were a ton of comments about clothing color as well. Uh...I also read a lot of comments where you all were analyzing various things. And, well, a certain amount of it was really accurate...I was really thankful and also fascinated to see that it seemed like you all picked up on some of the things I had put thought into. For example, in the early part of the show when I appeared in red clothes, in a suit, of course there was also the fact that I was making an effort to exude the feeling of a villain, but the other piece that I had been thinking of was that, because there were a ton of scenes in the forest, in the forest on the island, I wanted a color that contrasted with green, so I looked for that sort of complementary color. 

Uh...so, for the case of Forest of the Starved, as with wearing red in the forest in the early episodes, I intentionally wore camel colored clothes and such. Uh...and because it was running, because a lot of the scenes in the Forest of the Starved were of us running, for visual purposes, the director proposed that we wear long clothes, so I wore a long trench coat and such. Also, for scenes that involved a lot of CG, we also, from a technical standpoint, for those bits with hyung...we wore a lot of colors excluding blue and green.   

Also, what else is there? Ah! The white clothes. There weren’t many scenes where I wore white clothing, but....very simply, in scenes where I bled (chuckling) so that the blood was easily visible...I wore a white shirt and such. One of the comments I read that really stuck with me was, ‘learned...learned pervert’ (laughing). That I was a learned person. I also had input here, and my stylist team also had the same thought, so....(very quietly) I was called a ‘learned pervert.’ Yes. 

Also...That’s right. A lot of what you all thought was really spot on. So I was also really fascinated and I thought, ‘Wah~ They even notice those sorts of things, I have to prepare even more diligently in the future,’ and for me, personally...from my standpoint as Kim Beom, I think this was the most costume fittings I’ve ever done. I also did a lot of test filming during the fittings. A JDG hyung who I’m close with and who is a photographer did a lot of test filming for me and really helped me a lot in the process of making Lee Rang. Oh, and also, in the process of doing tests for Lee Rang, perhaps because I took a liking to his image, I changed my profile picture for the first time in 10 years. I also changed my signature papers. It’s now Lee Rang, it’s Lee Rang’s image. I want to hurry up and provide you all with signatures too (laughs). Is this how I’m supposed to do this? I don’t know... (chuckles) 

[0:08:05~0:09:12] Re: Movements & gestures 

Ah, and also about movements and gestures and such...you talked especially a lot about things like me sleeping curled into a ball that got broadcast not too long ago. I saw a picture of me curled up asleep put next to an image of a fox sleeping, like this. Yes, that’s correct. From the very beginning I talked about wanting to give off the image of a fox, of a baby fox [glances to his staff] What? Show them? (chuckles) Like this, (does the gesture) sort of curled up sleeping. Foxes all sleep curled up, it turns out. So, there was an image of me curled up sleeping and, it should show up in the final episode, but there’s an image of me sitting curled into myself as well. When I’m sitting curled into a ball, even down to my toes I’m sort of, like this (does the gesture). Sitting like this was also something I did in order to give the impression of a fox. 

Aside from that, in the action sequences as well, if you look closely you can see that while people swing their fists like this, we made gestures, actions, like raking our claws. I think those sorts of things helped to make the character of Lee Rang, and also the gumiho, the other gumihos, so I was also really pleased while doing it. Yes. And I was even more thankful that the viewers picked up on that. 

[0:09:17~0:11:00] Re: Ad libs

The ad libs...for the ad libs as well, many people are asking just how much is ad libbed, especially since Yeon-ie hyung [Lee Dong Wook] is extremely good at ad libs and does them a lot. If you watch the behind the scenes videos and such, you can see the actors acting opposite him being caught off guard a lot. Hyung’s ad libs looked really cool to me, so I actually tried to emulate him a lot, but for that, it’s not possible with just your average [comedic/dramatic] sense. It’s the sense of someone who’s over a thousand years old, so one ad lib I made with the sense of a 600 year old was...there was one that was broadcast not long ago: “I’m warning you~~.” ‘I’m warning you~’ is an ad lib (laughs). 

The original line was...what was the original line again? (checks his cue cards) Ah, well, it was a line to the effect of, ‘don’t make me laugh’ or something like that, but seeing hyung saying ‘I’m warning you,’ I had the thought that it would be good if I teased him, so I was like, ‘I’m warning you~~’ as an ad lib. Also, in the café scene where we met after I returned from nearly dying, the drink hyung gave me was...there was a multi-colored drink, and for that, originally in the script it just said, ‘It’s tasty right? Have some, it’s tasty,’ or something like that, but hyung saying, ‘Have some, it’s rainbow flavored,’ was also hyung’s ad lib. And well, it didn’t appear in the broadcast, but I called it unicorn flavored. I think it was cut from the broadcast because it would have left people wondering ‘has he tried eating unicorn before?’ 

Those sorts of things...I also really learned a lot, I think, while doing them, such as hyung’s ease and whatnot. I was really jealous and he looked really cool. It came up in our lines too, but hyung always looked like he was shining brightly; he looked really cool.  

 [0:11:00~0:12:31] Re: Hyung Lee Dong Wook

To tell you more about hyung, hyung is...while being extremely sensitive, he’s the type to look after the other party in a brusk manner. For me personally, when I was studying and making Lee Rang’s character, I don’t think it would have been possible without hyung’s help. At first, I also...for the first time in a while I wore the clothes of another character and stood before the camera, and until that point I really had a lot of concerns and worries, but hyung gave me advice and really cheered me on a lot from the standpoint of an actor who has walked this path a little farther than me. So he was really a great help, and a source of strength, and whenever we were on set and there was something I didn’t know, I’d go ask hyung. Also, when I was agonizing over something, hyung would come over to me first and ask me if he could help, he was like that. 

And aside from that, the director, and the writer...Actually, Lee Rang’s tails have never appeared on screen, but in any case, Lee Rang should also have nine tails, right? There are nine. I have nine tails, but one of those was given to me by hyung. And one by the director, and one by the writer, and many others besides. Because they gave me tails, I was able to become a gumiho with nine tails, that’s the feeling I get. Yes.

[0:13:06~0:14:03] Re: Lee Rang’s Necklace

Ah! That’s right. There were also people who were curious about this necklace, wondering if this...if this wasn’t symbolic of something. In fact, in the beginning I had also thought that far. I thought of using it to express Lee Rang’s signature or something, so at first when he transformed I had gotten rid of it. Like when I appeared with glasses on (leans forward to show off the necklace better) this. It’s this necklace, but for my first transformation when I appeared with glasses, or...at those times I purposefully removed the necklace, but later on when I, when I transformed into hyung, if I wasn’t wearing it....if I was wearing it! I worried that you all would notice. You’re all extremely observant. Like gumihos. So in the end I decided to just leave this as fashion. 

[Note: This doesn’t fully make sense to me in terms of wearing it or not, but I double-checked and I translated everything exactly as he said it.]

[0:14:02~0:14:53] Re: Transformations

And since we’re on the subject of transformations, I’m always being found out and saying, ‘Ah that damn dress code...’ and such, but, everyone, I’m not being found out. Lee Rang isn’t so foolish and incompetent. Conversely, in order to mess with people more, he’s intentionally giving them a hint. So he’s being like... ‘Even if I do this will they not notice? Will they not notice?’ by intentionally giving them a hint with his shoes. And so, for Ji Ah, and for Sajang, that was me intentionally giving them a hint, and in fact wanting them to realize. While being like ‘if you figure this out then I’ll have to mess with you even more,’ I’d then mess with them more. And so, conversely, when I transformed into hyung to fool Sajang, I fooled him perfectly didn’t I? I’m not such an incompetent person as that. 

[0:14:55~0:16:05] Re: Romance 

There are many people who are extremely curious about Lee Rang’s romance as well, but actually, romance [for Rang] didn’t appear in our Tale of the Nine Tailed. Because his love for hyung is so great. And his love for Yoo Ri was also somewhat different from the love between a man and a woman. It was a familial love, and also a love that came from wanting to fill the void, it was that sort of love. Uh....I saw someone say something like this. Mm...when Yeon-ie hyung falls in love it’s to this extent, but if Rang-ie, who is a rule-breaker, who ignores all the rules, were to fall in love, the earth would probably have been destroyed. Or at the very least, Korea would have been destroyed. haha Someone said that, but I think that probably would have been the case. If he had directed his love not at his hyung but at a woman, because Rang-ie isn’t afraid of his hyung, or the afterlife, or even hell, I feel like he would have had that sort of a [world-ending] romance. 

[0:16:48~0:17:37] Re: Lee Rang’s fortune (wealth)

[0:17:38~0:18:19] [Reading and responding briefly to live comments]

[0:18:32~0:19:24] Q: Would Lee Rang have dreamed of being either a full fox or a full human?

Ah...this was a very sad question. [Rang is] a half-human, half-supernatural, but would he have dreamed of being a full gumiho, would he have dreamed of being a full human? There was talk to that effect. Uh...I think Rang-ie wouldn’t have wanted to be either. On the supernatural side as well, because he’s a half-supernatural...I don’t imagine he’d have been welcomed, and among humans, because he has supernatural blood, we also saw him being mistreated a lot. But then, amongst all of that, my one and only source of support was my hyung. And I think that’s why [Rang] was so obsessed with his hyung. I think he probably wouldn’t have wanted to belong to either side. Because he’s that sort of free spirit. Yes, that’s what I think. 

[0:19:30~0:19:58] Re: Lee Rang’s Favorite Food

Q: If Lee Rang had a favorite food like Lee Yeon’s mint chocolate, what would it be?

His favorite food is, you all may already know this, but it’s alcohol. Rang was always together with alcohol, and he was a character who goes well with alcohol. Somehow...it was like how lonely people reach for alcohol. I think it would have been that sort of feeling. It always kept him company, in place of his hyung (chuckles). That sort of, that sort of...his favorite food is alcohol, yes. 

[0:20:02~0:20:50] Re: Favorite fan comments/Not a baby 

[0:21:00~0:21:46] Q: Spicy fox [i.e. fox with an attitude/a bite] vs. baby fox?

[0:21:47~0:0:22:39] Q: The most dangerous gumiho or the most endangered gumiho?

[0:22:45~0:23:34] Q: Favorite Lee Rang look/style?

[0:23:41~0:25:10] Q: Good vs Evil?

Ah, and, there was also a question about what percent of good versus evil exists inside of me, but...I also really thought hard about it when I received this question. Rang-ie was a very kind child when he was young, who couldn’t even pick a flower...he was a kind child who couldn’t even kill a bug, but then, that sort of...should I call it societal evil? Due to some misunderstandings and...painful times, he gradually begins to ‘live devoting himself to evil,’ there’s that expression, in Korea. I think all of that evil would have seeped into him. So while at first he would have been 80-90% good, even so...mm~ at 51 to 49%, wouldn’t 51% of him be good? That slight bit that he tries not to lose. Because evil, because the side of evil kept pulling at me, whether that be Imoogi, or Sajang, unavoidably evil would have pulled at me, but...I get the sense that Rang-ie, to the very end, wouldn’t have given up the good in him...Nn? [Staff catches his eye] Yes, so that’s why it’s (???)* hehehe Oh? (???)* Sorry. Hahaha Ah, sorry. I just startled myself as well. [Pointing at his staff] Your face has turned red!

[Note: The expression he uses for ‘to the end’ here could either be used literally or figuratively. So obviously he accidentally gave a huge spoiler, but if he - or rather, his staff - hadn’t reacted so much it might have just been glossed over. Also, I think he’s using terms associated with a video game here which is why I’m having trouble parsing the blanks.]

[0:25:12~0:26:56] Kim Beom reminisces about his time with TotNT

[0:27:05~0:27:43] Re: Stickers

Ah! There was also talk about the stickers. Hahaha Uh...for the stickers as well, of course, in the script it was simply expressed as, ‘Rang, who is asleep covered in stickers,’ but actually, what stickers got stuck where was something that I decided myself. So I tried sticking a lightning bolt to my forehead, and, I’m not sure if it was visible in the broadcast, but the earring (the star on his ear) was a reference to the character So Yi Jeong that I played back in the day [Note: this is a reference to his character in Boys Over Flowers (2009)]. Well, I’m the type to overthink things like that, so hehe. I think a lot. 

[0:27:45~0:28:56] Re: Soo Oh

[0:29:12~0:30:00] Q: Are you more of an older or younger brother type?

For that question...whether that question was a question for Kim Beom or for Lee Rang, I actually wasn’t sure, but someone asked, ‘Are you someone who is suited to being an older brother or someone who is suited to being a younger brother?’ Uh....to answer as Rang, Rang is of course more suited to being a younger brother, it fits his natural tendencies. That Kim Beom guy,* I mean, Kim Beom is... (chuckling under his breath) ‘that Kim Beom guy’ what am I saying? Kim Beom is...more suited to being an older brother, he has that aptitude, that inclination I think. 

[*Note: When said this I burst out laughing. The literal expression is, ‘that chingu (friend) called Kim Beom,’ and it’s just not a way that you would ever refer to yourself. He said he was somewhere in between Lee Rang and Kim Beom, and it really feels like that here haha]

[0:30:12~0:31:10] Re: Nicknames

And, well....If Lee Rang, if there is a nickname that Rang-ie likes or a nickname that remained with him [what would that be]? A whole lot of people also wrote to me with that question. The overseas fans have also been calling me ‘baby fox’ (said in English), and that was really amusing. Uh...also, well, ‘baby fox’ (in Korean), and things like ***** [Note: he censored himself here so I’m not actually sure what he said other than that it’s rude haha], I really had a lot of fun seeing them. Like, these people who, if I met them in real life, would say, ‘Spare me!’ and run away were treating me like a baby... (nodding to himself). It was funny (chuckles). 

[Reading the chat] People keep commenting ‘baby fox’ (in English) hahaha

And so I also, later on....Somehow, at first I thought, ‘Huh?’, but then later on it was something that really made me feel good...(nodding) It was funny. (chuckles)

[0:33:30~0:33:57] Re: Mountain God Lee Rang?

Q: If Lee Rang ever became a mountain god, what sort of world would he have created?

I probably would have made a wonderland for hyung, right? For hyung’s sake alone. So that hyung could enjoy himself, I would have tried making this and that....to make hyung smile once. I feel like that’s what I would have done, and because of that, because [Rang is] that sort of simple guy, he probably wouldn’t have become a mountain god, right? I’m good being a mountain god’s younger brother...

[0:33:58~0:34:54] Re: Rang’s name

Also, Ah~ things related to Rang’s name, too. To my knowledge, the name ‘Rang’ was bestowed by his hyung. So originally he was a half-human, half-supernatural who didn’t even have a name, who was also abandoned by his family. He had been lonely like that, so it was probably hyung who gave it to him. The name ‘Rang’ means ‘shining.’ Most likely, at that time, wouldn’t he have really cried a whole lot? From happiness. Seeing as he continued using the name Rang, seeing as he continued using it for 600 years. If he had disliked it, he probably would have changed it, so he really took a liking to it. It was probably a happy time where he thought, ‘Now I too have a name~’ That’s right. 

[0:35:11~0:36:39] Re: Spin-off

Ah! And also, there was the spin-off to talk about, right? In another world, in a slightly wider world, uh...there was a spin-off telling my story, and to be honest it was an extremely new attempt, and I also, at first, I approached it as an answer and a gift in response to all of the love that so many people had sent. Uh...thanks to that, I think it was nice that I was able to show you Lee Rang from another point of view, and I actually worried about it a great deal. 

Uh...Rather than our existing team, another spin-off team did the filming for us, and so I worried a lot. Because it wasn’t our team. But, they very diligently, and well...shot it for us. And for me, because many people supported us, thankfully, compared to what I had been worried about, I think it worked out well. Actually, when I was really at the end of my rope from worrying so much, I called hyung [Lee Dong Wook] from set, from the spin-off set, to say that I was worried, and I also met up with him in person, and the director [Kang Shin Ho], I told him I was worried. In the off chance that the fans of the Tale of the Nine Tailed main series might hate it, I was really very worried. But hyung really comforted me a lot, and told me it was cool, so that made me feel really good. 

[0:36:41~0:37:28] Re: Yoo Ri (Kim Yong Ji)

Also...I have to talk about Yoo Ri too, don’t I? Our Yoo Ri. Our Yoo Ri...from the very first time I met her she seemed like Yoo Ri. She was really really like a gumiho, like a fox. Like someone of mixed race. In reality, too, we met up recently and were eating together when she told me this. People from Russia are actually sending her DMs, she said. Asking if she’s really a mixed-blood Russian. Hearing that was so funny that I remember we both burst out laughing. But to that extent Yoo Ri [Kim Yong Ji] is that much like Yoo Ri, even when you see her in real life. And also, because she became such a perfect Yoo Ri when we were working, from the very beginning she was very reliable to film with, and I think I was also really able to immerse myself while filming. 

[0:37:29~0:38:01] Re: Shin Joo (Hwang Hee)

And also, Shin Joo hyung, too. Actually...I didn’t have that many scenes in common with Shin Joo, but we became so close on set that later on - ah! Actually it’ll probably appear in tomorrow’s episode. Me and hyung [Hwang Hee] (catches the staff’s eye, raises his eyebrows, and then censors himself).....have a scene together, and you’ll probably get to see a very different Lee Rang, a very cheerful, uh...Lee Rang will appear, so I hope you enjoy watching it. 

[0:38:31~0:40:00] Re: CG

Ah, and also, we can’t not talk about the CG. Because, in a sense, it was one of the biggest aspects of our genre, from the first time we started filming we did a whole lot of tests. I think, in any case, we worried that those who see a lot of (computer graphics? - sorry, I’m actually unsure of this word) would feel that something was off, so we tried once using actual contact lenses, and also tried using actual (physical) tails. And for things like the Imoogi special effects makeup, it was a combination of makeup and CG that came to be through the help of truly a lot of people. My eye, and also hyung’s tails, and our abilities, Imoogi’s skin. I’d like to take the opportunity here to thank everyone involved once again. For giving me such a cool eye. I also, while watching the broadcast, was like, ‘Wah!’ 

Hm... also, I think my only having one eye that changed was probably the director’s idea. Because I’m a half-blood, in any case, his opinion was that it would be nice if only one eye changed, so I was able to have a really cool eye (leans close to the screen with a wild Lee Rang smile and then sits back chucking). It would be nice if it changed, but I’m unable to change my eye by myself (chuckles).

[0:40:05~0:42:00] Re: Stunts/action sequences

And our stunt team, our action team as well. We can’t not talk about them. I’m reminded of the first time, the times we went to action school to practice martial arts. From when we first began action practice, I would coordinate the timing with hyung [Lee Dong Wook] and we would go and practice together. So from the beginning, until we had created the action that would suit our characters, we went several several times for several hours at a time to practice. And then on set, they created things far beyond what we had practiced for us, so our action team really worked very hard as well, and the agwi and such that you saw...for many of those, our staff played all those roles for us. They really had it extremely hard, uh...yes. The (???) director, the (???)* director, and many stunt and action hyungs, all worked very hard. Hyung [Lee Dong Wook] also talked about this during our press conference, but they really worked very hard. On hot days, in the Forest of the Starved, they nearly....and they gave a very impassioned performance, so I was also able to immerse myself so the filming went well.

Mm....To be honest, I’m the type who really likes action, but the gumiho action this time, uh... (nods to himself). There were many stunts that appeared that were at a level beyond what I could have imagined, so while I enjoyed doing them, there were aspects that were difficult too, but when I saw how I appeared in the broadcast, I was very satisfied, and...because [the fans] really liked our sibling action scenes, it made me feel good. 

[*Note: Sorry, because he’s talking half under his breath here I’m actually having trouble making out which directors he’s referring to.]

[0:42:05~0:43:38] Re: Crying scenes

You asked me if having so many crying scenes wasn’t taxing, but...I know, right? More than I thought, more than the Rang that I had originally pictured, [he] was actually quite a crybaby. There were many more crying scenes than I had thought there would be, and depending on how you look at it, it feels like maybe I cried nearly as much as Ji Ah....I get the sense that because [Rang] is a guy who carries a lot of pain and sadness, he had a lot of tears. And also, because I had to cry in a way that was Rang-like, at first I was like, ‘How should I cry? In what manner do I have to shed tears?’ but once the camera started filming...I felt like they were Rang’s own emotions, so. Yes. 

If I think of hyung [Lee Dong Wook], actually, even now I get really choked up. So, when I, myself, Kim Beom, had a photo shoot recently, the topic of hyung came up in the course of the interview and I froze for a second because I nearly started crying, that also happened...

And then on set when I gave my final thoughts upon wrapping filming, I still somehow had many of Rang’s emotions left over, so I...seeing me crying, hyung said, ‘Are you going through puberty?’ hahaha, I have memory of him saying things like that to make me laugh as well. 

[Note: Kim Beom is referring to his photoshoot and interview with Elle Korea. I translated a good bit of it here.]

[0:43:40~0:45:06] Q: A character you’d like to try transforming into?

Also...I, well, hyung also transformed once, but for me because it’s one of my core talents, and because gumihos are the sort of character to do that, I received the question of whether there isn’t a character I wouldn’t like to try transforming into other than the ones that appeared in the drama. Honestly, if I was Lee Rang, I probably would have transformed into Ji Ah and tried to break her [and hyung] apart. Mm....I would have really hated transforming into Ji Ah but, uh...in order to separate her from hyung, and also, out of jealousy, due to his wish that [his hyung] wouldn’t fall in love with her again, out of love for his brother, he would have transformed into Ji Ah...isn’t that originally what gumihos are like?

However, because in that case then Ji Ah [Jo Bo Ah] will have to act that out again, probably (chuckles)...next time, if there’s ever an opportunity, I’ll transform into Ji Ah and... (starts making finger hearts without finishing his sentence) yes. I would like to show that to you all. 

[Reading the live chat] Right? People are asking me if I’m a genius. If it was Lee Rang, Lee Rang should have to transformed into Ji Ah, right? I also honestly just surprised myself by thinking of it just now. 

[0:45:14~0:46:04 ] Thoughts before the final episode

[0:46:24~0:47:28] Re: Charades with Imoogi (Lee Tae Ri)

[0:47:30~0:48:15] Re: Director Kang Shin Hyo

[0:49:26~0:50:21] Q: Memorable Lines & Scenes

Also...about the lines. Memorable lines or memorable scenes, you’re asking a lot about these sorts of things, but I truly haven’t forgotten a single scene I was in; I remember all of them. Because the script, and the characters, and the scenarios...and the scenes were all made so so well. 

Actually...well, at the beginning, when you see me fighting, bickering, with hyung, and I say ‘Didn’t you miss me?’ this line, and also...that sort of line: ‘I’m dying of anticipation.’ There were these sorts of lines as well. Uh...also, my lines that I say to Yoo Ri too. Like...‘Why would you shed tears because of me? Don’t make your life into a melodrama.’ There were these sorts of lines as well. 

[0:50:24~0:51:52] Re: Azaleas

[0:51:54~0:52:26] Re: Gumiho teleportation 

[0:52:27~0:54:00] Re: Rang’s throwing axes

[0:54:32~0:55:11] Re: Dokdo shrimp

[0:55:13~0:55:59] Q: Memorable filming location?

[0:56:00~0:5?:??] Re: Last episodes

[0:56:45~0:57:10] Q: Do you watch the original broadcast?

[0:57:12~End] Closing remarks

#구미호뎐 #김범 #이랑 #kim beom #kim bum #instagram live #20201201 #bts #my translations #thanks for your patience #kim beom's relationship with lee dong wook is the cutest #this whole cast is just ♡ #tale of the nine tailed #totnt

[toxicsamruby]

1/7 MM okay gotcha gotcha. I was thinking about this on a smaller scale, where i don't think discussing racism in supernatural should be "fun and interesting" (phrase you used in your original post that rubbed me the wrong way b/c [hot take] I don't think racist tropes reminiscent of the Birth of a Nation and the policing of poor black communities are fun and interesting. they're horrible. but, like you said, we shouldn't shy away from horrible things), but no yeah i get what you're saying about

2/7 people showing the same enthusiasm, willing participation, and depth when talking about this stuff as w/gender&sexuality. I agree with that AND it's important to keep in mind, especially with a fanbase that's largely white, whom these analyses are for and who is writing them (b/c a white person's racial reading isn't the same as a bipoc's). But, again, that's on the smaller scale, which appears to have more to do with personal accountability and discussion norms.

3/7 AND i also get what you're saying about using the entirety of supernatural to examine "american attitudes about the Other" and how that needs to be broken down in ethnic/racial/culture identities just as it is with queer indentities and yes i agree. as for the marketing/monetary engagement thing, i may have been speaking out of turn there because i don't know a ton about marketing or audience appeal and i also wasn't invested in all the spn meta/BTS stuff until recently.

4/7 what I said was purely my observations of the very specific 'spn renaissance' tumblr circle, which appeared different from the, say, twitter circles that pay for merch and whatnot (again, this may not be accurate, it's just from what i've seen). HOWEVER, that being said, if we're speaking specifically about the long-term, /larger/ cultural impact supernatural has, I 100% agree that it needs to be recognized and condemned as a racist and all-around patriarchal show. I did forget that spn made

5/7 so many headlines about both queerbaiting and having a queer character or whatever, and the same headlines need to be made about how it treats bipoc and other minorities. Although supernatural is a mess and considered cringey and a dead horse, it still holds a significant amount of power and (at least some) reputability in media. and this is all despite its misogyny and homophobia and cisheteronormativity (this is the case for so many shows, not just spn). I guess i was just concerned about

6/7 'ok, what if mainstream starts having these conversations about racism very specifically in a way that normalizes it and makes it seem hatecrime-but we'll-allow-it,' so now we have this monster of a show that KNOWS it's racist but doesn't really care. But it's equally as terrible to not point it out. But it doesn't matter anyways, because the show is over now, and it's not like they're gonna give reparations to the actors they killed and the people they hurt. your point about us having these

7/7 conversations (in a way that does not make it seem like like fun ideas to ponder over) being the only thing we CAN do to lessen the power the White Narrative of Supernatural (both meta and in-text) really resonates, and i hadn't thought of that but i totally agree. in other words lmao, fuck this show

yeah “fun” might’ve been the wrong word choice for all the reasons u gave i really didn’t mean to trivialize racism as a discussion and i see what u mean especially w how people have responded to the homophobia of supernatural me included like saying oh its homophobic but its funny so it’s fine and ur absolutely right that we Cant allow the discussion of race to go the same way (and honestly ur intuition was right bc in the tags of that post theres white people saying we SHOULD take it as lightly as the homophobia). so yeah the phrasing was my bad

but my general point stands. like i personally find it really fulfilling and interesting to talk abt how supernatural (and other fiction) replicates these american ideas about the Other bc supernatural is a FASCINATING microcosm of american culture (and of course in part bc i Am an american other)! and that post was mostly in response to how white fans seem to shy away from these extremely complex and interesting conversations bc they consider discussion of racism a chore like something they Have to do so they can say “it was bad that they killed off kevin tran. see i engaged critically! now back to the meta that relates to Me and My experiences”

and of course the analysis that becomes generally accepted and talked abt by fans shapes the actual presence of the show in pop culture. so we should do our best to write good and thoughtful and compassionate analysis of EVERY aspect of the text, especially one so deeply embedded as the race element.

basically yeah ur right and i think we pretty much agree. fuck this show! thank you for sending me these messages by the way im glad we could talk this out :)

#i think this might actually be the most productive conversation ive ever had abt a piece of fiction lmfao #asks #crit

[chattegeorgiana]

Can I just say how freaking articulated you are?!

I’ve been reading your thoughts/theories regarding NaruSaku and SS and I love how you keep your cool and analyze the facts and I’ve been having a blast reading your posts.

Also, when I first started watching the anime, I think I was 13/14 years old and, just like you, I used to ship SS but as I got older I was like OMGWHY, and at first I was really shocked with how much I started to enjoy the idea of NaruSaku since up until that point I only saw them as friends.

Adult me doesn’t like SS at all, I’ll protect Sakura with all that I have until the end of times and I can’t stand how some people see their relationship as “healthy”.

Seeing that I just finished reading some NaruSaku stories, I’m feeling warm and fuzzy and filled with love, and I opened my tumblr and saw some hatred being throw your way, I’d come here and share with you that you’re awesome and I thoroughly enjoy reading/seeing/fargirling over your work. Happy Sunday and NaruSaku for life. ❤️

Hey dear!!

First of all thank you so so much for your nice words!

Lol, it’s like we have the same story, heheh. I was also a SS/NH as I started the anime. I think it’s no wonder that many of us used to be, since that’s what the anime version of the story pushed forward.

They literally stole interactions from canon from NaruSaku and gave it to the others. 

For example how Naruto in the chakra training says to Sakura how great she is and whatnot? Studio Pierrot takes it and applies it to Naruto telling that to Hinata in fillers.

Sakura genuinely being concerned for Naruto and wanting to give up both her chance AND Sasuke’s in the chuunin exams selection? 

Sakura is shown downright malicious there, like she is glad Naruto is going through this turmoil, when it’s viceversa.

Also, in the canon manga Naruto never thinks about copying from Hinata, while in the anime he does so.

So no wonder people disregarded NaruSaku that much. By doing everything in their power to show Sakura as being this malicious little girl, this only had a ripple effect on both the fandom, NaruSaku and their reception.

That’s why when I turned to the manga, I found a totally different story than the anime. 

Which is sad, because the manga tells a rather much more touchy story than the anime, to be honest.

And this is also the reason I won’t be able to support SS. Because no matter what, the source material shows us SS as not being the right choice for Sakura. Through the plot, through character dynamics, through symbolism. You name it. 

People can try defend it as much as they want. It’s out of the necessity to fill a void. I know I used to do the same with Sakura, hoping that Kishi will finally make something of her. He didn’t, sadly. And that’s something I accepted.

I still love her, I still considers she has one of the best developments within the story (looking at source material, not the adaptation), but I won’t hide under the pretenses that she’s perfect.

Hell no. Her love for Sasuke makes her miserable. Her potential is unused. She was sidelined compared to the main cast, like it or not.

There are a lot of problematic aspects with her as well, as a character. But I ADMIT that. Unlike SS-ers that make it look like this perfect love story that breaks the curse of hatred. Nah. That’s NaruSasu’s story first of all, and second of all, like I said, God forbid these kids enter such a relationship. And I very much mean it.

However, I do defend Sakura on other counts. On those which I can, on those that put her on this hateful pedestal that she’s the meanest, when it’s not true. When she is one of the characters that has a change in behavior IN THE VERY FIRST CHAPTER SHE MAKES AN APPEARANCE!

I wonder how many people can brag about that in real life. People have NO IDEA how difficult CHANGE IS.

Look at this fandom. They weren’t able to change even now, years later, in their regards to Sakura. She is still one of the most hated characters in the history of characters (which is so interesting to look at from a sociological point of view).

But they talk all high and mighty about a character who is showing change ever since chapter 3, like I said.

It’s funny because when it’s about admitting faults, like SS is problematic? Noo, it’s whatever. But when it’s about admitting that Sakura showed real change in her relationship with Naruto and even FLIRTED with the damn guy and ACCEPTED A DATE with him, people are like NAH, SHE’S A BITCH, NEVER TREATED HIM RIGHT YADDA YADDA YADDA.

Or like... when it’s about her and the comedic relief punching thing, OMG SHE’S ABUSIVE!

But when they copied the same traits to Hinata and had Himawari punch the shit out of Naruto OUT OF THE BLUE FOR NO REASON, it’s OMG SO KAWAII.

Like, these people are shown a mirror of their very moral standards and they still won’t admit their double standards.

It’s fun to watch though. But aah, anyway, I don’t care about those kind of people. It’s funny to observe them, but NOT MY tribe.

Thank you very much for your kind message dear! You really made my day with it, gotta admit.

Sending back positive vibes towards you tenfold!!

SPREAD THAT NS LOVE, because that’s what NaruSaku always has been. ABOUT LOVE, about SHARING the love for one another, in more ways than one. Cheers!

#narusaku #anti-sasusaku #anti-naruhina #pro sakura haruno

[shouta-aizawow]

1) Hope u are ok, i will let you this one here. Bakugou coming out as asexual-aromanitc, and having to explain to everyone what is it. (And if you want angst, people not believing him, that he's not grown enough to know, all that bullshit) Sorry is a little bit of proyection.

I’m doing well, thank you!!! And dw, I project HARDCORE and I also LOVE aroace Katsuki so it’s all good!! (i’m actually gonna project a bit in this one lol)

OKAY!!!

When the other kids were busy talking about crushes and who they were dating, Katsuki was focused on becoming a hero.

He had no time for romance, especially that sappy type he always sees on tv.

No, Katsuki was gonna become the greatest hero, and he would do that alone.

He never thought much of it. It didn’t seem unusual to him that he never had an interest in anyone else, that he couldn’t join in on conversations where the topic was romantic love or sexual attraction.

In fact, he felt smug when all the other extras were held down by girlfriends and boyfriends and datemates while he was forging on ahead. Seeing the confusion and awe on their faces when he told them that he had never been attracted to anyone was enough to erase the slight embarrassment he felt at not being able to relate to them.

Katsuki was invincible, unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction, and he needs to let everybody know it.

(A few years later, at the tender age of 13, Katsuki finds he isn’t a superior being, he’s just aroace...

Well... okay then.)

He is aroace and still unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction!

He didn’t really have friends to share his epiphany with, and the extras that followed him around were too dense to know what he was talking about to care. Besides, they’d probably just hear that he wasn’t attracted to girls and throw a fit.

Anyway, it’s not like he really wants to share this. No, this information is for Katsuki and Katsuki only.

But when he gets into UA, starts building a, admittedly reluctant at first, relationship with his classmates, the desire to tell them something he’s kept locked away grows.

It all comes to a head one night at the dorms. It’s a rare night of him hanging out in the common room with most of his other classmates.

Katsuki doesn’t know how the conversation steers this way, but the topic is now crushes. Some people are coming out, some people are just observing. Katsuki is becoming bored, and just as he gets up to leave, he’s noticed and asked, “Who do you have a crush on?”

He’s tempted to ignore the question, but surrounded by this open group of people that showed their support whenever someone revealed themself to be gay or bisexual or pan, he has the urge to let them know this part of him as well.

So he replies. “I don’t have one.”

“So who did you have a crush on?”

“Never had one either, Earjacks.”

Everyone becomes interested now.

Jirou looks skeptical, “It’s not weak to have a crush, yknow. If you don’t wanna tell us, fine, but to lie—”

“I ain’t lying, I’m aroace.”

There’s silent confusion, and Katsuki’s heartbeat thunders in his chest.

Someone asks what that is and, huffing, Katsuki tells them, “It means I don’t experience romantic, aro, or sexual, ace, attraction.”

They ignore his muttered “dumbasses” in favor of questioning him with a “You don’t, or you haven’t?”

“I just said I don’t. What are you on about?”

Kaminari then decides to speak up. “Dude, just give it time! You don’t know who you’re gonna meet that’ll knock you right off those stubborn feet of yours.” And he punctuates it with a wink.

Katsuki is getting annoyed.

“Okay, whatever. If that happens, that happens, but right now, it hasn’t. Therefore, I’m choosing the label aroace.”

Momo, with a finger on her chin and a contemplative expression on her face decides to voice, “But aren’t you acting a little hasty, Bakugou-kun? You shouldn’t use such a definitive label when you’re so young.”

Some people are voicing their agreement, and Katsuki feels like screaming, but he’s too busy being frozen in shock, looking at Momo with with the most incredulous look he could muster.

“What the actual fuck? How is me calling myself aroace any more ‘definitive’ than y’all calling yourself gay?” He can’t help the crack in his voice as he continues, “I’m genuinely confused.”

Before they could reply, Katsuki asks his own question with the most deadpan look he could offer:

“Do you ever wanna date a cat?”

There are exclamations of “No” and looks of bewilderment, but Katsuki continues, crossing his arms.

“Well I don’t think you should act so certain. I mean, maybe you haven’t met the right cat, yet.”

They’re telling him that that’s different, shouldn’t be used as an argument.

But then Kirishima perks up, and Katsuki feels dread consume him.

“Love, or don’t love I guess, who you... don’t... love, bro!”

And Katsuki feels hope bloom in his chest.

Only to have it crushed with his best friend’s next words.

“But we’re just trying to help you! We don’t want you to feel like you’re moving too fa—“

“Not only did I not ask for any help, but how is any of this helping me?!” Katsuki throws his arms in the air. “I came out to you guys, something we’ve been doing all evening, and you have the audacity to tell me I’m wrong?!”

He’s pacing now.

“Why the hell are you acting like I’m signing a death wish with my identity! You guys are the biggest fucking hypocrites, holy hell.”

Katsuki shakes his head and storms off, unwilling to be in that toxic situation any longer.

The next few days are met with guilt-ridden eyes from his classmates and the cold shoulder from him.

They don’t try to approach him, and for that, Katsuki is grateful, because he doesn’t know what he’d do if the people that rejected who he is tried to act like they did nothing wrong.

Yeah, maybe they weren’t being malicious, maybe it was just ignorance, but Katsuki is by no means obligated to forgive nor teach them. Until they pull their heads out of their asses and realize there’s a plus after LGBTQ for a reason, he’s perfectly fine with the distance.

OKAY SO TWO ENDINGS

1) The class that was there does their research and apologizes and are forgiven and whatnot (happy ending)

2) The class doesn’t do their research and just assumes that Katsuki doesn’t want to have sex or kiss anyone. They apologize, but the relationship is still tense with their ignorant comments and jokes. Katsuki is still hurt, especially when they start dating each other or other students, and he’s left to be the only one that values a strong friendship over romance. He feels left behind. (Angsty ending)

OR WAIT!!! ANOTHER ENDING!!!

3) The class doesn’t apologize or do their research, because they think Katsuki was making a big deal out of nothing. After those few weeks of the silent treatment, they try to approach him and act like everything is great.

Katsuki is angry and hurt, but eventually he finds comfort and very close friendships with Todoroki, Tokoyami, Shinsou, and Shoji. Not all of them are aroace, but they’re on the spectrum for one or both (bittersweet ending)

IM DONE!!! This honestly didn’t go the way I was thinking it would go, but I ain’t upset so it’s all good.

So ofc I projected with the being annoyed when people act like my sexuality isn’t a real thing (which is lots of ppl online and the classmates I told when they asked)

Also, that part about telling people that you’ve never had a crush and being smug when they’re like :0? Yeah, I used to do that until I was 13 when my older sib was like “yeah, you’re aroace” and I was like :0 “i saw that term in one fanfiction years back but i genuinely didn’t think abt it when i looked up to see what ‘ace’ meant but it fits perfectly”

So anyway, my sib also told me that what I was is Agender (which I knew abt but thought “that’s not me,,, right?” wrong) and I realized when they asked me if they could tell their friend my gender identity. I was confused like sure?? and then they said i was agender and their friend asked for my pronouns and i said i didn’t care

like,, i thought i was nb, but i wasn’t sure exactly what “type”(?) idk, but after that, i looked at the definition for agender that i didn’t understand before and was like :0 yep that’s me

ANYWAY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT WANT ALL OF THAT PERSONAL MUMBO JUMBO BUT THIS HC RELATES TO ME A LOT SO

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 💖💗💕💞💝

#wow! asks! #bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #bakugou katsuki #bakugo katsuki #bakugou #aroace #aromantism #asexual #tw aphobia #but it’s due to ignorance #bakugou headcanons #bnha headcanons

[blankdblank]

Hobbit Soulmate Pt 41

The Jens and Ben had to head to their preplanned after parties alongside Orlando’s girlfriend, with tight hugs to you, both again stole a glance at the same ring on your finger they had admired earlier in the night without your having to show it off. Having shared the observation that a unique design like that made it all the more special and suited for your fated relationship. Liv from the group snuck to your side in the ride to your new place in the limo the four hobbits had arrived in with Viggo, David and Sean B.

Smiling widely she took your hand saying, “I am so excited. I know the house will just be perfect.”

“Will be one day hopefully.”

Orlando asked, “3 Million is pretty steep for you, right?”

“That’s just the average for the block, but it’s 1.5, got a good deal for it.” Your dad said.

Andy said, “Peter will be sad for missing out.”

“No problem, baby business is more important house isn’t moving. He can drop by later when it’s done.”

“Oh that’s nice,” Sean A said leaning forward to see the five story marvel the limo stopped at turning more heads with the group all taking turns spilling out onto the sidewalk.

Once out of the car you let go of your skirt to reach into your clutch bringing out the keys you held in the hand lowering to lift your skirt again leading the walk to the darkened front stoop. Excitedly Liv kept up with you smiling widely at the adventure luring smiles out from the others again who had noticed the extra bars added to the front entrance you unlocked to pass through the shadow finding the lock in the dark by thwacking your knuckle into the knob by mistake. Explaining the bars your dad said, “There are lawyers and some politicians who live on this block, they voted for the extra gates on the doors together. It’s a good neighborhood they just wanted extra security so people can’t pound on their doors I guess.”

Andy chucked saying, “That’s alright, heard a few lads back home who thought of gates too to keep their doorbell off limits.”

Billy, “Could also help with pets to keep them from running away down the steps.”

Your dad said, “There’s a buzzer for guests when it’s locked, which you could see-,” he said reaching over your head to find the light switch panel turning on both lighting up the stoop along with the main floor. Eyes shot from inside the mudroom to the again dark stoop at the bulb dying that had you giggle for its timing on its dying breath. “Perfect timing. Lazy bulb,”

Dominic said pointing at the buzzer panel lined in a silver frame, “Ooh, nice buzzer, shiny,” that the others could see in the light from the mudroom.

You smiled unlocking the next door, saying to yourself in easing them open, “I can imagine myself fighting these having to pee,” that earned chuckles from the others while this switch you managed to find turning the three lighting up the main open areas and what would be your study/library. Behind them the group closed the front doors and pooled into the front entrance blocking off the view of the cameras gathering on the sidewalk. “Ok, first off, mind the floors, Dad took out a few walls so there are a few uneven grooves where those were,”

Sean B asked eyeing the dent in the floor, “And that crater?”

Glancing from him to the dent and back again you said pointing up bringing the dimly lit chain to their focus as to why this area was the least lit, “Old tenant liked to hang things on the chandelier, it fell, but the chain and mount have been repaired just have to think of what to get to replace it.”

That had Liv saying, “You liked the chandelier in my study, it came as a set the other is just sitting up in my attic. It’s yours, housewarming gift.”

“Oh, thank you, gift,” you turned for the stairs lifting the box there, “Wedding present, before you can explore.”

Smiles spread through the group watching her open it and let out an excited squeal, “You bought me a typewriter!” Moving closer to wrap you in a tight hug, “Thank you, I love it,” her husband chuckled accepting it to settle it down back on the stairs adoring his wife’s new addition to her collection. “You are getting my chandelier, when are you back to Canada?”

“Tomorrow,” you said in her move back.

Your dad said, “I’ll be staying here though to mind the repairs.”

That had her smile at him, “Good, I will bring it for you at the apartment then.” Then she asked you, “What’s first?”

You pointed to the study, “This one over here is a sort of study or library, bit perfect for it once we get the shelves in.”

Viggo came in smiling wider imagining the long ended room stretching behind the stairs saying, “Perfect for a hiding spot for books.”

Out you went allowing everyone to have their own turn to envision it while you led the way across the floor past the stairs to the living room where more than a few took focus on the fireplace mantle shaped wonderfully. “This is gonna have carpet, in a sort of swoop shape right to the edge of the closet there. Up to this pretty wall with this detailed milky glass pane with the vines that go with the mantle carvings. Ooh, before the kitchen here’s my favorite guest bath,” you said crossing the floor pointing out a groove for them before they each took a turn in the black and cherry themed bathroom under the stairs then turned to head with you to the kitchen. “And there’s this other bath over here around the corner to the pantry,” each looking over the cabinets on the ground and counters without a top broken and split showing how someone had beaten into them.

Your dad said, “Used to have two rooms here we tore out, just shrank the place down absurdly. And over here we’re gonna add an island and move this counter and that whole wall outside the pantry and bathroom is going to have built in cabinets and cubbies for the dishes and spare appliances and whatnot. And maybe a built in for the dining area, bench possibly.”

“Oh and you should have seen it when the sun was out, this sunroom, just glows, new sunroof and needs some tile but leads to the patio. Helps to distract from the travesty that will be reborn into a kitchen.”

Sean A, “It’s not the worst I’ve seen, don’t be nervous about it.”

Elijah, “Where does this go?”

“To the basement,” you said with a smile, “I love these stairs. Just out of a castle.” You said and he smiled leading the way down the hall to the stairs lit by a switch you found and amusedly the others headed down as Liv kept close to your side wondering what the basement held as her mind was already reeling with love for all she’d seen so far.

Her smile doubled as you said tapping the chute door on the wall, “Laundry chute,” you heard the group excitedly exploring into the laundry room already after he turned on the light switch he was warned of to light the way by your dad.

Dominic was heard saying, “It’s got a kitchen!” already leading the swarm out through the floor relaxing you a bit you didn’t have to play guide down here.

“Oh I love these stairs,” she said and took notice of the chutes and gasped excitedly at the laundry room, “So much space, love this.” Out she went and smoothed her hand on the door to the apartment, “Love these doors.”

“Keeps nice and separate from the living space, and the garden entrance too.” Ignoring the patches on the walls tours of the kitchen and spare bath in silver and blue that led into the spare bedroom. Past the hall the bedroom was next to be explored with the open study lined with pillars. “This could be a sort of study area, like not a room but a room.”

Sean B, “Great for when you have kids to work here and let them run around.”

Billy, “Plus good to keep the little ‘uns from climbing into the fireplace at not being out of sight.”

Your dad said, “We’ve ordered glass doors for the fireplaces already to replace the old ones that were broken to help with that too.”

Orlando smiled saying, “Can we go up now? Gotta see more.”

You smiled and led the group back up hearing them turn off lights on the way with just flashes of cameras from one cameraman who’d climbed onto his car to see simple glances over the closed shutters covering the lower half of the windows. Back to the staircase on the main floor you led the way up to your dad’s floor to Ian’s saying, “Those shutters are a lovely touch. Adds to the privacy without barricading yourself in.”

“They might add to the castle touches a bit. Least for my take on them. This one’s dad’s floor.”

He flipped the switch lighting the main open area starting the tour in the wave shaped long bath/closet mixture feeding into a spare bedroom with the group eager to follow you again. “This would be the guest bed and bath.” Out of that crossing the floor was another fireplace containing open area, “Another living room, where my big tv is going.”

Another mini kitchen past the dividing wall similar to the one downstairs with a small room after for an office or hobby room, back past the staircase with exposed shelves was the impressive master bed and bath he had chosen.

Again those stairs called and up the group went to explore the three open rooms, two with sliding doors the other without any. Split by shared baths without a mini kitchen clearly could be the guest floor shaped in elegant curves around a rounded nook in the center of the back wall divided by a milky glass paned set of sliding doors.

“Oh there’s so much space,” Viggo said smiling at you, “guess this is for the babies?”

“I mean, if I had to pick I’d think that one would be a nursery, just has the best view and the one that way would be too close to the road and there’s a fire and police station.”

Liv, “Oh I get that, same as my place, gonna be interesting when babies come.”

Billy asked, “Let me guess, animals for the design?”

Awkwardly your grin crept out answering, “Peter Pan, actually, my mom had sketches for mine. Found this cool pirate ship chandelier for it. I haven’t said anything about this to Rich yet.”

Sean A shook his head, “Won’t hear it from us. I know my wife had it all planned long before we ever got engaged. And it is good to pick the room when you pick the home.”

Andy, “And you have a yard?”

“Small one, but we can always take the courtyard back to stretch it out some more the tiles are coming up anyways we’d need to replace them. But when these imaginary babies get older we’d have time at the ranch back in Texas too and the place in England has a decent back garden if we end up there when they get to school age.”

All the parents agreed that was a big thing for you as a cross continental couple who would be traveling often making your dad say, “Either way I’d be bunking in as stay home grandpa, so work travel won’t disturb that,”

You added, “And I was thinking for this room across here on this long wall for these built in bunk beds. Like stairs in between them all wood, surrounded by shelves and cubbies.”

Ian, “Twin beds?”

Your dad, “We mocked up a group of Queen sized beds, so not fully a kids room could also be for adult guests. Gonna have some added to my spare bedroom on my floor too in case family wants to drop in with all the munchkins.”

Ian smiled trying to picture them, “I can’t wait to see them.”

Elijah said, “I’m thinking by this layout your room is huge, like whole top floor.”

That had you giggle and lead the way up the final set of steps, “Not the whole floor, bigger than my bedroom now,”

You flipped on the light and the open floor plan had eyes traveling throughout from the mini kitchen they passed to get to what would be the study across from the open living room. The floor was worse up here with scuffs and dents between chipped planks and the damage to the bathroom had Liv gasp and cover her mouth in the horror scene and Dominic ask, “Did the old guy just like to party?”

Your dad answered, “Well he was a lawyer and he decided not to pay his rent and then decided to tear the wiring and pipes out of the wall and just broke everything he could on the way out through his eviction. Part of how the price got so low, all that had to be repaired and Jaqi picked new tiles for the counters, floors, new wood and carpet to go with the new cabinets and shelves that will be swapped after the flooring is done. They’re coming to tear it up in a few weeks, and by the time it’s all out the new flooring will be in and the wood will be piled in the garage for the woodwork. But we at least got these spacious tubs, showers and sinks replaced at least so far for the bathrooms. Not a full remodel after what I’ve manage to handle for Jaqi.”

Liv, “You have a garage?”

Your dad said, “On the other side of the yard, it’s got parts and supplies all in it now that will be cleared out when the repairs are done.”

“Which it doesn’t really need much since dad’s been sneaking here before I got to look at it and handled the plumbing and wiring, including the black brass fixtures I love. So not a full tear down job. And I’m glad he managed to find these huge tubs.”

Sean B said, “Nightmare,” along with David who added, “You lucked out, good move dad, because I have been there. Wanted to commit arson.”

Elijah, “What about the roof? My first three apartments had terrible roofs I had mold down my walls within a month each time, went house hunting and the realtor turned and I was up in the attic before they knew it, flashlight in hand scoping it out.”

Your dad answered, “New roof, brand new had to change out a beam and did that all at once to fix the dip and prevent the water damage before it started raining again. Another winter and the snow would have taken it out. But it’s been built up to a safe foundation for my little girl to start out on.”

Liv, “It is a great start, and I really do love the shutters you have that block out the bottom half. Helps to let the stars and light in. Have you thought on curtains yet?”

“Not really, I know I’d want to not have those sheer curtains, I love it for yours but they creep me out middle of the night,” earning a few chuckles from the group, “Especially under ac vents. Rich’s has these nice green ones he picked fabric for his mom to make for him she might help pick some fabric for me to make them. And that all goes in with the paint and wallpaper discussion.”

Orlando, “Well you’ve picked a great place to make your own. You can throw one hell of a party when it’s done.”

Dominic, “And I know the perfect painting for your wall downstairs.”

David, “And you should let Peter know and by the end of the week when the shelves are in you’ll have tons of stuff to fill them from Weta.” That had you giggle again.

Viggo, “I’m making you something, I’ll know it when I feel it.”

Billy asked, “Where’s your music room going to be?”

“Don’t know yet.”

Your dad said, “Either way the floors are all soundproof so wherever it goes will be perfect.”

David, “Soundproof would have been dangerous for me and my siblings. Our mother lived by crashes and distant muffled screams.”

You and your dad said, “We’ll hear it,”

David, “For now, we need to feed you, Hugh said he’d get us a table to celebrate Joe’s win.”

Your dad smiled saying, “You guys won things too.”

Sean B waved his hand, “We’re old news, have to celebrate your first win. Come on, let’s feed you.”

Lights were shut off all the way down and you locked up while Liv clung gladly to her box she settled on her lap unable to wait for the time she got home to find the right place in her home when she got there. While it needed work the project home had every one of them searching for what they could find to add to the shelving to come along with coating those walls desperately needing some paint.

Once at the place Hugh smiled giving you a hug, “Sorry, had a few interviews, but I am seeing your place next time I am back in town. When are you coming back from work?”

“Couple months, floors and shelving should be done by then leaving furniture and painting debacles.”

Hugh, “Just the basics, how big? Bed, bath, footage?” His eyes narrowing a bit to make it click in his imaginary home he was drafting for your personality.

“8 bed, 7 bath, 7500 square foot.”

“Wow,” he said, “Don’t hear that a lot out here, more than one story, right?”

“Yes, five including the basement.”

“Lot of stairs,” he replied in a chuckle.

“My apartment is five flights up, so it’s the same, but at least now everything around it is mine so if I’m tired I can sleep anywhere.”

He chuckled and Andy said, “Even has this cool gate at the front to keep people from the doorbell. Apparently there’s a lot of politicians and lawyers who voted for them.”

Hugh, “Voted?”

“Brownstones are historical styles and there are councils you have to consult on anything structural on the front, they picked the more classical wrought iron gate appearance matching the gates around the front walkways leading to the basement apartments.” Your dad answered gaining a nod while you all took your seats.

“Probably only close them when I’m not in New York, there’s a mud room behind that until you’re inside and that could only be hard to race my bladder on days I’ve been busy.”

Hugh said, “I can agree with that, especially after nights out and a long ride home, had many times one of my first apartments had to knock on the neighbor’s door to pop in on the way up.” He flashed a grin to the waitress that brought in a round of menus and he asked, “I saw on the news something about you and Keanu Reeves?”

“He lives next door in the apartments there, got home when our Landlord was waiting to show me the new place and he was being tailed I guess and they caught the introduction moment.”

Elijah, “Those shutters will certainly help with that in the future.”

Hugh glanced his way then to you as you said, “It has big front windows. And there are sectioned shutters inside that cover the lower half on one set and a second for the top so if I want light then I can still leave the top open and someone would have to stand on a car like a camera guy did tonight seeing us all heading in.”

“I love that,” he said, “Might have to borrow that idea.”

“I mean it’s not like I streak or go running around in my underwear but walking around and the front room is feet from the street it can get kinda awkward to catch someone’s eye.” Making the others chuckle, “I’d like to have curtains for night time but the place just glows when the top shutters are open, which we might have just caught it at the right time and it’s all shadows after that hour passes but for an hour it is perfect.”

Hugh, “I feel like that’s a realtor tactic, finding that window to trap you. Been browsing options for price ranges on what we might be able to rent and they all have a certain glow to each picture I’ve seen. But I’m glad you love it and I will be available to help often cuz I got chosen for The Boy From Oz on Broadway through the winter.”

“Oh that’s amazing,”

“Thank you,” he said with a massive grin, “I am excited about it, my last couple films did help.”

“They love a big name, no secret about that, I was a last minute tolerance out of desperation losing lead and understudy who only my teacher had been gunning for me they so badly wanted me to fail so they could find someone bigger who could draw in crowds. I will be getting a seat for the show when it’s out.”

“I can’t wait for your next show, wonder how you can top Chicago.” Next projects picked up and over the meal animatedly carrying on through to split rides home.

.

Face washed and changed to sweats again cuddled up to your dad’s side you slept trying to ignore the fact that Richard still hadn’t returned your message from the night before or the call you’d made to him earlier that morning. True you’d have to wake up early to catch your plane so you might miss his return call while you were in the air or jumping right back to work. And it did bother you to leave your dad here alone but he was dedicated to ensuring the new home would be taken care of while you were away, glaring the workers into line protecting his baby girl in your absence. Keeping everything in line on the most unpleasant tasks to handle that while he could to spare you that hassle until the day you had to take over when he had been drug kicking and screaming to the afterlife hopefully when you yourself were old and grey.

.

“So, I sort of bought a house,” came out of your lips and mouths dropped from your friends hearing about it and from the mention of spare bedrooms you could swore Lee was already wide eyed with pupils dilating to commence the begging.

.

Fully drained your pasta sat waiting for the sauce you were stirring to finish when your phone rang in a call from Richard luring a curious grin across your face. “Hey Richy Rich, busy day?”

After a calming exhale Richard steadied himself and said, “I am so terribly sorry I’ve been a bit distracted, but I swear I’ve been thinking about you the whole time.”

“It’s ok,”

“I caught a glimpse of the award show, Joe have fun?”

“He did, so glad he won something for his acting to add to the wall.”

“That’s great, how was your break from work?”

“Good, um, Dad took me to the Brownstone, it’s really nice under the scuffs.”

“That’s great, so you want it then?”

“Yes, I um, I put 250k into it for a down payment.”

“Fantastic, so it’s not too much then?”

“1.5 mil, which is staggering, but I could always put funds from the box office pay into it whatever that will be, and Keanu Reeves apparently is our neighbor when it’s done. I helped dad pick the new flooring and sketched up new cabinets and shelves, old guy broke all that.”

“Can’t wait to see it, I know I’ll love it.” You could hear his anxious pause before he said, “While we’re on news, um, as far as real estate goes, I bought us a house too.”

“Another one?”

“Well, got a call from a buddy from my real estate days with a tip. I have a buyer for the old one, Chris has been helping me pack, why I was distracted. It really is perfect I know you’ll love it, I love having the three of us for Holidays but my place was kind of small. And this is going to sort of come out upside down, but Chris finished his degrees and now he’s been hired with a good place and he put funds down on a house of his own closer to Mum and Dad, but his roof caved in.”

“Oh, he okay?”

“Oh he wasn’t there, it was another deluge over a week and the beams gave out, some error on the build code, but he’s having that replaced. And I moved near Oxford to be by him in the first place so knowing he was close to finishing I have been looking at places close by too and with the funds coming in I was able to pick something more spacious. So I settled on the big place Mum has always wanted a tour of it and the owner I bought it from was be glad to be rid of it for people trying to buy it to tear it down for more flats. Moved in yesterday and while his place is being fixed up him and his girl are moving in until the new roof is built.”

“They’re moving in together now?”

“Yes, she’s already been talking to her doctor about some hormone shots for a baby. He’s picking a ring and they’re going to pick a date for a court ceremony to make everything official.”

“So what happens if she gets pregnant and they’re still at your place.”

“Our place, and it shouldn’t take long he was quoted a month to mend the damage, they know it’s our place and she’s not too fond of the size of it, shares your cleaning urges when she gets stressed. Their place is the same size as my old place. I really do know you’d love it, blue shingles and grey slate tiles outside, covered section on the drive right in front of the door. Two stories, tons of room, and,” he said pausing to wet his lips, “It’s got the perfect room for a nursery upstairs overlooking the back garden.”

That had your grin creep out, “I suppose we’ll have to trade pictures when you get here then.”

“Yes we will,” he hummed happily then asked, “There’s room for little ones in the brownstone?”

“8 bed 7 bath, 7500 ft, it’s got a small yard about the size of my apartment but we can always take trips to the ranch in Texas or out to England as they get bigger and need more space.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of an 8 bedroom anything in New  York before.”

“It is out there, as far as what we’re getting, I’ve seen 14 million for penthouses or town houses with no more than 4 beds and two are usually Murphy beds to share as office space. But it is going to be amazing, I do have to warn you I also found a room fit for a nursery.”

“Thank you, for doing that, I know we haven’t settled on a time frame for when babies might be coming but I do like that we have a place for them to have as their own. And eight bedrooms is so much room.”

“Some aren’t as spacious as they sound, and dad took out some walls on the main floor especially which just would have gouged the living space. So now we have room. But I have seen where we could do bunk beds, not like wobbly metal ones but where they are built against the wall with shelves around them for books and such, then there’s space to play. I did pick carpet for the bedrooms and the room I picked for your study.”

“I have a study?” He asked excitedly.

“Yes, it’s on the top floor, great lighting and we’re going to add shelves and a desk if you like that you can pick or armchairs for a sort of deflating zone for you if you need it. It has its own fireplace.”

“Perfection. What about you? No study for you?”

“There’s this little odd room on the main floor to the left as you walk in, runs behind the stairs, I thought it could be like our mini library,”

“Oh that’s fantastic.”

“Yes, not too big to entertain there but it’d be nice to hid in, stash some big armchairs and just cuddle up, maybe have a wardrobe for blankets and pillows.”

“That’d be amazing, and I truly love the carpet idea.”

“Good, I picked a sort of crème color, then we can have runners and rugs for halls. It’s got new ac and heating and fireplaces have all been repaired to be wood burning but winter, it’s gonna get chilly and I did not want door to roof wood floors, especially if we’re gonna have kids playing on it. I don’t really care if it gets stained in their rooms and we could always toss a rug on top of a designated play area anyways, something more colorful, the guys after the show were glad for a tour and I thought they might be iffy on carpet since most people are crazy over wood.”

“I love carpet, crème is a great choice, there’s something therapeutic about vacuuming, and wood floors things can just ghost around when you sweep it.”

“Exactly, oh, and dad talked about getting a puppy.” That had him chuckle, “He misses our old dog Jet. We’ll train it so it won’t destroy anything. Do you have a preference on paints or wallpapers?”

“Not particularly, I love the choices you picked for your apartment, you can choose what you like and I’ll love it.”

“I just know we’ll have to paint everything, there’s huge chunks of replaced drywall, he broke the counters and cabinets in the kitchen,” that had him scoff, “And he tore the damn cabinets off the wall, all of them,”

“Arsehole.”

“Exactly, and he tore out the pipes and wiring, smashed tile flooring and these beautiful milky glass panels that are in these half walls dividing the open living and dining areas.”

“There’s more than one dining area?”

“Yes, mini kitchens for our floor and dad’s and in the basement. Ooh, and we have laundry chutes! The basement steps are sort of dangerous for hamper hauling, you know those spiral staircases they have in old castles, all from this pretty wood, pretty but dangerous for hauling. Oh, and Dad’s going to add barn door gates to the stairs like at the big house at the ranch to add to the prep on munchkins.”

“I love it already. I am all for hurling dirty laundry into a hole in the wall to hide it from guests. And I do love those gates. Have you picked where furniture goes from our places?”

“No, not yet. I sort of want to see it when the floors are done, then when I get back I can help dad start to prime the walls so we won’t see the patches, ooh and Liv is gifting us the twin to her tree branch chandelier for the chain by the door, and also I found a pirate ship one for the nursery.”

“Pirate ship,” he chuckled out, “Sounds lovely, pirate theme then?”

“My mom had some Peter Pan sketches for mine, thought it might be a nice theme.”

“Now that will be phenomenal to build that up. Truly. We could double it here if you like, I absolutely love it.”

Sheepishly you smiled at your food you’d been taking sparing bites of between turns talking at your place on the floor in the living room glad he didn’t think this was weird to have planned this already. It wasn’t hard to find out why tears were threatening to fill your eyes, the tie to your mom you missed even without truly knowing her yourself, knowing that she would have given anything to have been here right now to plan a wedding and nursery with you to raise your babies in. “Thank you.”

“I absolutely understand, my mother is a formidable force in my life, who out of tradition will be insisting on a stuffed turtle in the room, anywhere, but there must be a turtle. And she could find the best curtain material for a Peter Pan theme with blankets galore.”

“My aunt makes these plushy pillows shaped like animals, we could have that in the story corner or something.”

“I love story corner idea, I can see Mum loading up on the classics now.”

“We have ample copies out at the ranch, still have mine, we could have a whole section of shelves for the kids sorted by age. And those time traveling tree house book series and the Junie B Jones series and Madeline and Suess, Giving Tree and that Sidewalk book.”

“And we have to add the Beatrix Potter books too to go with the Hobbit.”

“They will be getting their own illustrated copy for their room, it will be read often, trust me.” That had him chuckle deeply beaming with tears in is eyes planning all this. Wiping a tear away he heard you say, “We haven’t um, we haven’t talked about, for the wedding, last names. Liv was talking about how she did that for hers.”

“I have no qualms taking your last name,” he blurted out parting your lips, “Honestly I don’t they’ll still be part of my family and Chris’ kids can keep the name, your dad took your mum’s name and I would really love to do that for you. No one can say my name right anyways,” that had you giggle and wipe away your own tear.

“Richard Crispin Pearisiyiae?”

“Sounds flawless doesn’t it?” He said with a smile, “People get married all the time in the industry and I can keep my stage name. If they try to give me trouble for my passport I can hyphenate it for the pencil pushing jerks. I am not letting you give up that name, however chauvinist that hints to I love you and I won’t do that to you. It will never be something my family takes personally ever either, I swear that to you I’ve talked to my parents about it when I said I was going to propose.”

“You do realize your name is more vanilla than mine is, it’s a lot of vowels together.”

“I’m prepared, I’ve practiced signing it already,” that had you giggle again, “Primary school all over again full journal with hearts and all signing our names in hearts.”

“This new place of ours, how much work does it need?” You said with a smile trying not to focus on that tear drawing image of his thoughtful promise.

“Surprisingly all it needs is a water heater. It almost seems too good, I’ve been over every inch and had people to check the pipes and everything else. So far all I can find is this obnoxious bird nested on a corner of the back porch cover.”

“Well we can handle that, give them a nice little house,”

“So encourage it, fair plan,” he teased making you giggle again.

“Win them over, kill with kindness.”

“Ah, so end goal the bird is dead, I’m all in.”

Pt 42

#Richard Armitage x Reader OC #House Tour #Back to Canada #Big Plans

[jokertrap-ran]

(少女的王座—The Throne of Girl—) Main Story: Chapter 1 Part 2 English Translation

*I’m making another bad decision. The Throne of Girl Masterlist. *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut! *Main Story will be tagged under #Throne of Main

Chapter 1-1 / 1-2 / 1-3 / 1-3B / 1-4 / 1-5 / 1-6 / 1-7 / 1-8 / 1-9 / 1-10 / 1-11 / 1-12 / 1-13

Phone Call from Adrian / Lancelot

Albert and I hurried out of the door. It was only when we stepped outside, that we could feel the true extent of the Hubrigy Palace's splendor.

The elegant white halls of the Palace were luxurious, yet majestic.

The stone pillars that supported the long hall were all decorated with intricately and exquisitely carved designs, it’s snowflake-colored marble flooring covered with a dark red wool carpet that extended to the end of the corridor.

MC: The Royal Palace’s Court is truly magnificent… The only bad thing about it is its vast size. It takes such a long time to walk from the living quarters to the banquet hall everyday...

Albert: It is the Royal Palace after all. It is the most prosperous place in the seven kingdoms, but those that live here are all members of the royal family, so all this pomp and circumstance is only natural.

MC: Even with that being said, isn’t this too torturous? I must walk such a long distance so early in the morning just so that I can attend a Tea Party...

MC: Right, why did father and brother suddenly come here anyway?

Albert: Even I am not clear as to why…

Albert: But I heard that His Majesty, the Emperor has something of utmost importance that requires the Council of Seven to convene; that’s why both your father and brother have been urgently summoned here, to the Royal Palace.

Albert: Additionally, the kings of the other five countries have also been invited to attend.

MC: Then, wouldn’t they be fine and dandy all on their own? ...Why do I have to come here too...

Albert: It might be the social season now, but even then, it’s rare for all the big figures of the seven kingdoms to gather together like this.

Albert: King Ronald and Prince Lancelot both hope to make use of the opportunity that this social gathering presents to find you a fiancé. 

I could understand what Albert was talking about all too well.

Father and Brother had both informed me about the purpose of my trip here before we arrived at the Royal Palace—

This was because I was about to reach adulthood, and the daughters of noble families, especially ones of the royal family, will face marriage almost immediately once they become of age.

It can be called an unwritten rule of sorts, but the daughters of noble families will only be regarded as an actual adult only after their issue of marriage has been settled.

MC: But—

MC: (As far as I know… Most of the marriages between nobles are for mutual benefits of interest.)

MC: (Can I really find someone who truly loves me from their bottom of their heart in a place like this?)

MC: Alright… I just knew that all of you can’t wait to marry me out.

MC: I received a ton of messages from both my father and brother alike as soon as I checked my phone, all emphasizing that I must attend those Tea Parties, Balls, and whatnot...

MC: Honestly! do they really want to kick me out of the house that badly?

Albert: Of course not! How could the King and Prince be willing to kick you out?

Albert: I... I too, wish for you to attain happiness.

Noticing that Albert’s mood had shifted slightly, I hurriedly attempted to clear my actions.

MC: Huh? No, No! I’m only joking with you, Albert...

Having turned my head to talk to Albert, I failed to notice the figure coming my way.

I wasn’t able to get out of the way in time and almost ran into whoever it was, but thankfully, Albert had stepped forward and pulled me out of the way just in time.

I hurriedly regained my footing and arranged my skirts proper. The lady in front of me, decked out in pearls and all things glamorous, looked at me up and down with scrutiny.

Lady Nephren: Your Highness, Ma’am.

She took two steps back. With her back ramrod straight and chin slightly raised, she curtseyed in a way that appeared respectful, but it was clear that her eyes were full of disdain. I quickly curtseyed in return.

MC: G-Good day to you, Your Grace.

The Duchess of Nephren straightened herself back up, raised her chin arrogantly and spoke harshly.

Lady Nephren: With all due respect, Your Highness. It is beneath someone of your status to be charging around violently like this; doing so will only tarnish your reputation as the Princess of Pepsilia, so please keep it in mind in the future.

I took a deep breath, feeling a twinge of guilt.

MC: (I heard the Ladies that resided within the Palace were very strict and demanding when it came to how one conducted oneself. I can't believe I've actually been caught red-handed by one…)

MC: Thank you for your kind words, Duchess. I'll be sure to pay more attention to it in the future.

I said everything in a single breath and was planning to leave right after, only to realize that she didn't quite intend to stop right there.

She took one look at Albert, who stood behind me, her expression twisting into one of contempt.

Lady Nephren: In addition to that; Your Highness, you are about to come of age, so it'll be wise for you to observe proper royal etiquette— like the boundaries between men and women.

Lady Nephren: Please do make sure not to walk too closely with such lowly retainers; it's an insult to the face of the royal family.

MC: (A lowly retainer? Albert isn't a lowly retainer!!)

That sentence of hers angers me!

My face flushed with anger, and I wanted to argue back with her; but if I clashed with her here, surely news of this would reach the ears of the nobles in the Royal Palace in no time at all...

The Duchess insulted Albert. What should I do?

▷Choice: Keep quiet and pay no heed to her.

MC: (As if I'll lower myself down to the likes of someone like her!)

MC: Sorry for bothering you! I have some things to settle, so I'll be excusing myself first.

Albert: ……

However, the Duchess seemed unwilling to let things go as it was, but it was at this very moment that an unfamiliar, yet vaguely familiar voice sounded.

▷Choice: Calmly reason with her.

MC: (Albert is someone of absolute importance to me! I can't let her get away with this!)

But at the same time, I mentally remind myself that I must be calm about this.

MC: (I can't argue with her here, otherwise it'll be just as she said. Who says the Princess of Pepsilia doesn't know the rules of etiquette?)

MC: (I'm not going to argue, but I'm sure I can reason with her.)

MC: I'm honored that the Duchess is keeping an eye out for me. However...

MC: Even though this "Retainer" standing beside me right now isn't of royal blood...

MC: His noble virtues and outstanding swordsmanship skills have earned him my father's approval, who has then seen it fit to personally appoint him as the Chief Knight of the Pepsilia Kingdom.

MC: How can you call someone like this lowly; am I right?

Albert: ……

Lady Nephren: Aha, the King of Pepsilia really does play favorites when it comes to appointing people…

Lady Nephren: Who doesn’t know that this captain of yours was adopted by your father ever since he was a child, despite being of unknown origin? Oh, I heard… Didn’t Lord Ronald treat him as one of his own?

MC: You...!

MC: (Who cares what she is the Duchess of, she’s going way too far!)

I was just about to retort back when a voice that sounded unfamiliar, yet vaguely familiar suddenly sounded not far away from us.

???: It's been a long time, Princess Celia.

Two heterochromatic pupils, as beautiful as gems, and those nearly perfect features; a face that had been all but burned vividly into my memories. I found myself stunned speechless for a while.

MC: (...Adrian? It... It really is him!)

MC: (Five years… It’s been five years since I last saw him!)

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ♔What’s past, it’s prologue♔ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Previous Part: (Chapter 1-1) | Next Part: (Chapter 1-3)

#少女的王座 #The Throne of Girl #소녀의왕좌 #Otome #Translations #RASTAR Games #阿尔贝 #Albert #艾德里安 #Adrian #KENN #Kakihara Tetsuya #Throne of Main

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight ch 3

I have been waiting for this reunion for literal years. It did not disappoint.

Chapter 3: The Amyrlin’s Anger

Oh, we’re doing this!?

One thing I can guarantee: I am definitely not ready. Childhood friends turned childhood sweethearts turned near-siblings turned uneasy allies turned near-enemies, perhaps turned uneasy allies once more, with prophecy and opposing institutions and the apocalypse hanging over them?

I’m just. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a lot of thoughts about this whole dynamic, and I have been waiting for this… probably since they last saw each other in Lord of Chaos. Before that, even. Since they were set on their separate paths, but with this thread, strained and near at times to breaking but a thread all the same, of some kind of love between them that might, in the end, be enough to do what their predecessors could not, and face the end together.

Also their stories have been running in this fascinating not-quite-parallel for so long but they haven’t interacted in so long that I’m just! Very excited for this reunion and the pain it will no doubt bring!

I should start reading now, shouldn’t I?

Egwene floated in blackness. She was without form, lacking shape or body. The thoughts, imaginings, worries, hopes, and ideas of all the world extended into eternity around her.

The imagery of that last bit catches my attention here because it plays very close to the position Rand holds: stood at the centre, a force, or a being more than a person, touching all the world or – in Egwene’s case – all the world’s dreams. It’s just an interesting one, in amongst all the other parallels and inversions between them.

Though her feelings for Gawyn were still strong, her opinion of him was muddled recently.

Just break up with him already. Please. You’ve already once decided that actually no, I don’t want a storybook romance with the designated hero thank you very much; you can do it again.

The dreams of all the people here – some from her world, some from shadows of it – reminded her why she fought. She must never forget that there was an entire world outside the White Tower’s walls.

This is her anchor, just as Rand has now at last found his. Or, not even an anchor so much as a reason. Something to fight for, something to remember and strive for beyond the fight itself. And again this places her very much at the centre as well, looking at all the people, all the dreams, the entire world. They just each have their own ways of going about it, and their own reasons for doing so.

Time passed as she lay bathed in the light of dreams.

Just quoting this one because it’s pretty.

It’s sad to see Egwene thinking of the Wise Ones in terms of ‘dealing with’ them, but also not really surprising; there’s been a distance between them ever since she took on this role. They hid the events of Dumai’s Wells from her and she chose the Aes Sedai over them and it is, perhaps, one of the harsher aspects of the way she absolutely embraces her role, the good and the bad.

Ugh, fine, dream of Gawyn if you must.

A more simple life. It could not be hers, but she could dream…

Everything shook.

Or not. I’m just imagining this as the Pattern itself interrupting like ‘EGWENE, PLEASE. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIM.’

(Yes, the Pattern speaks in all caps. No I will not be accepting constructive criticism on this point).

This pleasant dream interrupted by an emergency broadcast: thirteen black towers rising and then all but six falling. In case you weren’t keeping track of how many Forsaken were still alive, I suppose.

And then a follow-up as a reminder, I assume, that Mesaana is still in the Tower.

Unless the eagles-and-snake bit is referring to the Black Tower? Still no idea what’s going on there these days; it’s been a while and I’m very, very curious after that ominous line drop in the KoD epilogue.

She saw an enormous sphere made of the finest crystal. It sparkled in the light of twenty-three enormous stars, shining down on it where it sat on a dark hilltop. There were cracks in it, and it was being held together by ropes.

There was Rand, walking up the hillside, holding a woodsman’s axe. He reached the top and hefted the axe, then swung at the ropes one at a time, chopping them free. The last one parted, and the sphere began to break apart, the beautiful white globe falling in pieces. Rand shook his head.

Innnnnnnnnteresting.

The sphere (and its breaking) sounds – first of all a lot like the Sharom because what, you thought I’d pass up a Rhuidean reference? – like the Dark One’s prison, perhaps. With Rand cutting the ropes like breaking the seals.

Or maybe the Choedan Kal, with all the brilliant light of that enormous power, that he has now broken. Or the world itself, I suppose. I’m going with the Dark One’s prison here, probably.

But what are the twenty-three stars?

Thirteens are common, you can’t swing a cat in this series without hitting a duality, threes and sevens crop up on occasion… but what the hell numbers twenty-three? Except for the graves Bashere once had to dig for oak trees on the orders of the mad general he served, but while there may be no such thing as coincidence, that’s a bridge too far even for me.

Nations? Okay now I’m just curious if I can name them all, so… in the wetlands we have: Altara, Amadicia, Andor, Arafel, Cairhien, Far Madding, Ghealdan, Illian, Kandor, Mayene, Murandy, Saldaea, Shienar, Tar Valon, Tear. Then the Aiel, or: Chareen, Codarra, Daryne, Goshien, Jenn (?), Miagoma, Nakai, Reyn, Shaarad, Shaido (?), Shiande, Taardad, Tomanelle. Then Seanchan and Shara on the edges, the Atha’an Miere and the Tuatha’an, and the dead nations of Malkier, Manetheren, and the Amayar. The Ogier. The even-more-dead nations like Almoth and Eharon and whatnot. But even playing with the obvious ones like how to count the Aiel, or the dead nations, or the city-states, there’s not an obvious 23.

The Hall of the Tower maybe? Three Sitters from each Ajah is 21, so with Amyrlin and Keeper we’re at a much cleaner 23, and there is the whole ‘Watcher of the Seals’ element of the Amyrlin’s role, so twenty-three stars watching could make sense.

Or, hell I don’t know, maybe there are 23 verses in the Karaethon Cycle. Meh.

Well, Egwene’s focused on the Mesaana implications (rather than the Messiah implications; I crack myself up sometimes), which seems fair enough.

“He’s here, Mother. At the White Tower.”

“Who?”

“The Dragon Reborn. He’s asking to see you.”

HERE! WE! GO!

Because you know what this means? It means, once again, that we’re going to get outsider POV of Rand, after a crucial turning point in his character.

Twice. Because first, we got it via Almen Bunt, effectively a random character. We got to see a ‘first glimpse’ of Rand, as it were. But now we get to see through the eyes of one who knows him – or rather, one who knew him. One like him in some ways and so very different in others. An opposing role who once was a friend. There’s just so many potential layers there, through which to observe, and I am inordinately excited for this.

*

Though okay right as I say that we shift POV to Siuan, so I may be pre-empting this.

That said, it’s either going to be some form of outsider POV or it’s going to be Rand’s POV and either way I’m going to be on the damn floor so it’s a win-win situation here.

The Dragon Reborn? Inside Tar Valon?

I mean technically that was the goal all the way back in EotW, so you could argue that he just took a really, really long detour. Across the entire continent, a past life, and near-destruction of the world, but… details.

“He was at the Sunset Gate”

How appropriate. Is there perhaps a Wind Tower for him to climb?

“What is his game, do you think?” Saerin asked.

“Burn me if I know,” Siuan replied. “He’s bound to be mostly insane by now. Maybe he’s frightened, and has come to turn himself in.”

“I doubt that.”

“As do I.”

Harsh, Siuan. But not entirely unfounded – at least on the mostly insane part. He’s not, but first of all how would she know that and second of all, if this were a few days earlier, that would be a much harder one to argue. (For the record, my own interpretation of Rand’s sanity or lack thereof before Dragonmount is a strong vote in favour if It’s Complicated).

Of, course, then there’s the whole issue of ‘how long can you stay sane when the entire world is waiting for you to go mad’ but that is, perhaps, a moot point now.

“Maybe he heard that Elaida was gone,” Siuan said, “and thought that he would be safe here, with an old friend on the Amyrlin Seat.”

Oh no this already hurts. Honestly I think any reference to Rand and Egwene as old friends is probably going to, at this point, but also the way Siuan goes to this idea of Rand needing a place of safety. A refuge. Because in so many ways, for a very long time, she wouldn’t even have been wrong. It’s just that it wasn’t an option and there was no such place and the Dragon Reborn couldn’t afford that kind of weakness, and anyway he was never looking for safety for himself; it was keeping others safe from him that he wanted, back when he was just a shepherd boy holding himself together with determination and fragments of Warder instruction against power(s) trying to claim him from within and without.

But Siuan is remembering that boy, and I’m also remembering Rand in the early days at the Stone of Tear, trying so earnestly to let Elayne and Egwene help him with saidin, and how that, from a certain perspective, is not really so different from trying to find some safety in friends.

“Reports call him mistrustful and erratic, with a demanding temper and an insistence on avoiding Aes Sedai.”

I mean, up until – what, a day ago at most? That would be not at all inaccurate. Especially from the outside.

Really I think this whole scene with Siuan and Saerin is largely to remind us of how Rand comes across to the rest of the world. Because the thing about that Dragonmount epiphany – a crucial part of it, but one that is likely going to also result in some complications – is that it was unwitnessed. Just Rand, alone, thinking. And if the cleansing of saidin was difficult to believe by those not directly involved (and even by some of those who were), how much harder will this be, in its own way?

And just to set the scene even more ominously as far as anyone but the reader is concerned, the floor tiles are now the colour (and sheen, and probably texture, and very possibly actual chemical composition) of blood.

It is interesting to contrast the feeling of approaching this meeting to how it felt in the buildup to Rand’s meeting with Tuon last book. That was just full to the brim of impending doom, of ‘there is no possible way under the sun that this will end well’, of ‘oh no, how disastrously is this going to go?’ because at that point Rand was in freefall and the only certainty was disaster. Now, there’s a sense of lightness in approaching this meeting. I mean, I’m still quite sure it’ll hurt me, but the actual tension is different. It feels like waiting for catharsis, almost, rather than waiting for catastrophe.

So hey, maybe we just look at that meeting with Tuon as a practice run for Rand in terms of how to negotiate treaties with a woman who controls a decent part of a continent. If nothing else, it set the bar about as low as it could possibly be, so this can only be an improvement!

Siuan had harboured a small hope that she herself would be chosen [as Keeper]. Now Egwene had so many demands on her time – and was becoming so capable on her own – that she was relying on Siuan less and less.

That was a good thing. But it was also infuriating.

Oh, Siuan. Siuan’s thoughts about her position in the Tower and how it has changed are always a little sad to read. She’s so strong that it’s easy, almost, to forget just how much she’s gone through – and she can’t even just put it behind her and move on because she’s surrounded, every single day, by constant reminders of all she has lost and all that has changed. And even so, we only get these occasional moments of sadness or bitterness or frustration from her. The rest of the time she just… keeps going.

She wanted to do what she’d set out to do, all those years before with Moiraine.

It really is kind of incredible dedication to a cause. Even if ‘shepherding’ the Dragon Reborn is perhaps not really what is needed, she has paved so much of the way, and even from the sidelines has been instrumental, and this has been more or less her entire adult life. A thankless and often punishing task, one that has gone and will likely continue to go largely unacknowledged, one that has brought her hatred and suspicion and pain, and yet she does not question it, does not falter.

It's… I guess in a way it comes back to the whole idea of those who choose vs those who are chosen, but I like the way we see these characters who aren’t the Chosen One but who still give everything they are, and everything they have, to this world and this cause. Some because they must and some because they choose to and some for reasons in between but it’s again this sense that while Rand stands at the centre of it, there are all these other stories and sacrifices and triumphs and tragedies spiralling out from that centre, all weaving together into this pattern. Or Pattern, as it were.

Also, I would like to strongly second the ‘with Moiraine’ part of that sentence. Can we have her back yet please? I’ve been good, I promise!

Bryne’s here too, which means I also get to reminisce about the first (and last) time he met Rand, even before Siuan did, but another scene of Rand as little more than a shepherd, uncertain and afraid and getting by on determination alone and yet, as with his meeting with Siuan, still surprising those around him by being just a little more than expected.

(As for Rand’s first meeting with Egwene, we have no textual evidence but given their ages it probably involved eating mud).

“You came faster than I’d assumed you’d be able to,” she said.

That is, quite literally, what she said. I’m sorry, I’m twelve.

“She’s what we need now,” Bryne said, “but you’re what we needed then. You did well, Siuan.”

YOU DID WELL

I’m sorry, Moiraine’s letter to Rand really just loaded all variants of that phrase quite heavily and it’s not Moiraine saying it to Siuan but it may as well be, and to have anyone looking at all she has done and all she has been through, looking at someone most Aes Sedai now dismiss as inconsequential at best and to blame for their problems at worst, and actually seeing everything she’s achieved and everything she’s sacrificed and to just acknowledge it outright is… such a small phrase but it means so much. Because how many others would say that? How many others could? So few even know what she’s done and why and for how long. Egwene, maybe, but Egwene is still in some ways her protégé and so not really in a position to give that kind of praise. Moiraine, but she’s still… on holiday. And that’s really kind of it.

There’s a reason these kinds of tasks are called thankless.

“He’s standing below, watched over by at least a hundred Warders and twenty-six sisters – two full circles. Undoubtedly he’s shielded”

My first thought was ‘good thing this is Rand after Dragonmount otherwise I don’t think there’d be a Tower right now’, but then, Rand before Dragonmount would probably quite literally not have been caught dead within balefire distance of the White Tower.

Whereas now… what a stark difference this highlights in his entire mindset and character. Once, the possibility of thirteen Aes Sedai sent him away from a city he was holding, tense and desperate and furious. Once, being shielded was – well, I believe the direct quote was ‘Lews Therin fled screaming’. Once, Aes Sedai so much as touching the One Power in his presence without his permission was like dancing on a minefield.

Now… he stands calmly, shielded and within the Tower itself, the stronghold of the Aes Sedai, of his own free will (and that’s it, isn’t it; that’s what truly makes all the difference in so many ways).

Also a bit of a random comparison but I can’t help but be reminded of Taim walking into Caemlyn to claim Rand’s amnesty, guarded and distrusted and hated by pretty much everyone around him and yet appearing, himself, all but unaffected by it.

“Well, what did he look like, then?”

“Honestly, Siuan? He looked like an Aes Sedai.”

Well. Lews Therin was. In an even older sense of the title.

And if we’re looking at the title itself, and its meaning… servant of all is sort of in the job description of a messiah figure, in a way.

I like how we’re reminded that, because of her Talent for seeing ta’veren, Rand literally glows to Siuan’s eyes. Which means the Dragon Reborn, the chosen one, the saviour, having now fully embraced his role, is walking into the Tower literally haloed in light. There’s just a tiny bit of religious symbolism here, is what I’m getting at.

I also – for all that I’m still hoping for a glimpse of Rand through Egwene’s eyes – am very very happy with the choice to show this through Siuan’s POV. Because in so many ways it is a reflection of that scene in TGH where he is summoned to the Amyrlin, and she gets her first look at the boy who will be the Dragon but does not yet know it, and tells him what his role will be, and he surprises her in his stubbornness and strength but still does not truly accept what she says.

Now, we get the Dragon Reborn calling for an audience with the Amyrlin, having finally and truly embraced the full reality of that role. The first was, in a way, to set his path. This, then, feels almost like closing it. And in between those bookends was that long, fraught journey towards acceptance.

Me? Obsessed with symmetry and reflection in a narrative? Never.

She froze as he met her eyes. There was something indefinable about them, a weight, an age. As though the man behind them was seeing through the light of a thousand lives compounded into one. His face did look like that of an Aes Sedai. Those eyes, at least, had agelessness.

This is one of the things I just absolutely love about outsider POV: the way it allows you to almost re-experience the full weight of what you already know. To be able to almost… soft-reset, and then open your eyes and have the impact of it all over again. None of this is news, really, to a reader who has seen Rand atop Dragonmount, or even in the first chapter of this book. But we get it again anyway, because for one thing it’s fun and for another it just serves to highlight what he looks like to one who does not have the privilege of being in his head (not that that’s… a particularly exclusive list these days, but that’s beside the point).

And it’s also interesting how this doesn’t humanise Rand in the perception of others – he’s still very much in the position of being seen more as a force of nature than a person – but the tone and the effect are so very different to before, for instance when he was lost or in pain or just desperate (or all of the above) and yet perceived as arrogant, inhuman, even monstrous. There’s still this sense of… not being seen as just a person, being seen more in the heroic lines and angles of power and weight of legend, but the difference, I think, is that Rand himself accepts it now. It is now a part of who he is, and a part of him he accepts, and embraces, and steps willingly into.

It also gives him some rather extraordinary weight of personality so making his way through a crowd of Warders is a piece of cake. See, sometimes being the chosen one has its benefits.

“And Siuan Sanche. You’ve changed since we last met.”

Oh. Okay yeah the fact that we get him saying this to her, rather than the other way around, is a really, really excellent way of just subtly shifting the entire balance of power – not even quite power; something else I can’t think of a good word for – of the scene.

It's the way it takes the way this scene is so neatly set up to be a bookend of that first meeting between them, and just… flips the obvious line on its axis. It’s still there, we’re still on script, but it’s ever so slightly not what you expect, and that difference itself becomes the point. Because Rand is no longer the object of the scene; he is very much its subject. The assignment of agency and proactivity has shifted (he has chosen, now, rather than been chosen; a semantic shift that makes perhaps literally all the difference in the world), and this is just a really cool way to play with that.

If that made any sense.

“You once took an arrow for me. Did I thank you for that?”

This… this gentleness is absolutely killing me and we’re only a few lines into his actual appearance in this chapter. The way it’s no longer forced, or agonised, or desperate, or serving only as a sharp contrast to either anger or apathy to remind you of who he once was. Instead it’s just… there. Without brittleness or the aching sense of something lost. There’s just a weird kind of beauty in the simplicity of this, in how it’s just… him, without any of the hundred things waiting to shatter beneath that statement.

Maybe that’s it; the gentleness that doesn’t feel like the precursor to shattering glass. The way this isn’t a veiled threat, or a barb, or a forced admission, or a conversational gambit. Just thanks, remembered honestly and offered freely and that’s… it.

(Moiraine once took a Forsaken for you, Rand. Be sure to thank her for that too).

Anyway, Siuan sings Egwene’s praises as Amyrlin, of course, and apparently everything Rand says or does in this chapter is going to just get me because:

He smiled again. “I should have expected nothing less. Strange, but I feel that seeing her again will hurt, though that is one wound that has well and truly healed. I can still remember the pain of it, I suppose.”

Again it’s just the gentleness that pervades all of this, where once there was turmoil and pain and a rage in him fit to burn the world, or else terrifying coldness and absence and a distant voice screaming. It’s like everything has finally fallen silent and only then do you realise how loud everything was before, and how maddening. Just… Rand being able to smile simply, and feel and express emotions in the normal human range.

And that sense of… wonder, almost, that you get from him at that fact. It’s—there is very much a rebirth kind of feel to a lot of this, because a part of it is that Rand is very, very aware of where he has just come from and where he stands now. That’s the whole point: to get to this, he had to choose it and realise it and open his eyes, I suppose. And so now he’s seeing everything through that new filter (or perhaps without the noise of the old one) and there’s a kind of beautiful simplicity and something like but also entirely unlike innocence to it.

Tiana has a letter for him with a red seal… one of Verin’s, maybe? If so, Rand sure has a track record with Aes Sedai and letters left to him. She did have several, when we saw her with Mat… and I struggle to think of who else would have left one. Cadsuane, maybe?

“Do your best to calm Egwene when I am done,” he said to Siuan. Then he took a deep breath and strode forward

CHILDREN. ALL OF THEM. That, right there, for probably the first time this book, is absolutely 100% a glimpse of Rand al’Thor, Woolheaded Sheepherder, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Wise, gentle, reconciled to his role, remembering his past life and accepting who he is… and still taking a deep breath and making contingency plans before going to a stubborn-off with his former childhood sweetheart. I’m laughing.

*

OH IT’S EGWENE, WE DO GET TO SEE THIS IN EGWENE’S POV, YES THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED.

This was not Rand al’Thor, friend of her childhood, the man she’d assumed she’d one day marry.

Oh no, just start right out with a gut-punch why don’t you. No, Egwene, he is.

Except… he also isn’t, and that’s the sad part. But if this is to work, I still think that’s going to be the key: that they know—knew—each other as people. Except now Egwene is deliberately telling herself not to do that, and while it’s understandable it’s… that way lies the end of the Second Age.

No. This man was the Dragon Reborn. The most dangerous man ever to draw breath.

This hurts me in exactly the way I was hoping it would.

Just as Rand has finally accepted himself, and in some ways come back to himself (not quite, because you can’t go back you can only go forwards as the Wheel of Time turns, but he’s no longer forcing everything about who he was away), Egwene is forcing herself to see him as anything but that. As just the Dragon Reborn, legend and monster and saviour and destroyer. It’s a perfect mis-alignment of timings.

(Egwene is steeling herself, just as Rand has finally stopped trying to become steel).

“Egwene,” Rand said

IT’S! ABOUT! THE NAMES!

She’s thinking of him, emphatically, as the Dragon Reborn… but the dialogue tag betrays her. We are in her POV and as soon as he speaks, he is Rand.

And the first word he says is her name. Not ‘Mother’ or ‘Amyrlin’, not the opening of some request or demand. Just… ‘Egwene’.

He is the Dragon Reborn, come to see the Amyrlin—he asked for the Amyrlin—and she is the Amyrlin steeling herself to face the Dragon Reborn and yet in the first moment, when that silence of waiting is broken, they are Rand and Egwene and—

I just. Maybe I’m reading too much into this but it’s perfect and it hurts and I love it.

(Names are important).

He nodded to her, as if in respect. “You have done your part, I see. The Amyrlin’s stole fits you well.”

WHY DOES THIS HURT ME? WHY AM I EXPERIENCING AN EMOTION?

They’ve both just come so far and through so much and they hardly even know one another anymore, and there’s this almost-but-not-quite uncertainty and almost-but-not-quite familiarity, and yet it feels not like the anticipation before an ‘everything goes wrong’ moment but instead the anticipation of… maybe, finally, finding their way back to something? Or forwards, I suppose. It’s like the tentative formality of meeting someone for the first time in years, unsure of them and of yourself and of everything that’s happened in the interim but there’s something weirdly hopeful about it.

Maybe I’m just so used to liveblogging pain that I don’t know what to do with myself when it’s not there, except in echoes and memories and all the space that has grown between them, but this is like… a hand offered across that intervening space.

From what she had heard of Rand recently, she had not anticipated such calm in him.

I mean. That’s… fair.

Well, or she might have been led to anticipate a very different kind of calm. The calm of ice or cuendillar that could in an instant become, you know, balefiring an entire fortress out of existence.

Maybe save your musings on whether or not he’s a criminal for whatever passes as a Geneva Convention in this world, Egwene. We don’t have time to unpack all of that right now.

“What has happened to you?” she found herself asking as she leaned forward on the Amyrlin Seat.

“I was broken,” Rand said, hands behind his back. “And then, remarkably, I was reforged. I think he almost had me, Egwene.”

HELP.

THIS IS JUST.

I… wow. What do I even do with this?

Just as the first word out of his mouth was her name, and her first thought of him was as Rand… now, despite sitting on the Amyrlin Seat—which we are quite literally reminded of here, and I don’t think that���s accidental—her first words are… call it concern, call it curiosity, call it demand, call it accusation even, but that’s not Amyrlin to Dragon Reborn there. That’s not the opening of negotiations or a summons or a meeting. That’s Egwene, looking at Rand. It’s like Nynaeve in TFoH reaching for him almost instinctively and saying ‘at least let me Heal you’.

And then Rand’s response!

‘I was broken’. Such a simple statement for so, so much more. And yet… that’s what it is. It’s the simplicity, again, that gets me. The simplicity and the self-awareness and the way he can look at it now, with that sense of removal, but this time not because he’s walled himself off from the pain; instead, he lets himself feel it but he has accepted its reason and its source and its necessity. He’s no longer fighting against himself, and that lets him bear so much more, because so much of that pain came from that battle against himself, and from the fear of what he might become.

He spent so long trying to forge himself into steel, but in the end that’s not the reforging he needed. And now he knows that, and sees it, and there’s just something about a character who can stand on the far side of their own breaking and their own agony and speak of it calmly, whole.

It's just an entire situation I’m having here.

And that last bit. ‘I think he almost had me’. The memory of ‘it is HIM’. And the fact that Rand can see that too, now; can see how close he came to the Shadow without ever turning from the Light, and understand that nuance.

But also… there is still one very glaring loose end there: Rand has used the True Power. Sure, he doesn’t seem particularly… uh… compromised by that at this point, but I still just cannot imagine that won’t be brought back in some way.

He spoke differently. There was a formality to his words that she didn’t recognise.

And then it’s lines like this that keep this scene from being… to perfect? Not in terms of execution, but in terms of ‘things going well and painlessly for characters’. Because there is still a sadness to this, to Rand and Egwene looking at one another (and naming one another!) and seeing the person behind the role, and looking for the person they knew, and yet also still seeing elements of a stranger.

Because they have changed. Neither of them is at all the child they were when they left Emond’s Field, and there is so much between them now, and that connection they have is worn and thinned and this isn’t a joyful reunion. There’s catharsis here, and a tentative possibility of peace or friendship, but there’s also this recognition, each to each, of how much of what used to be is now gone. They’ve both been hardened and shaped by their experiences and they both know it and recognise it in each other—perhaps in part because they both also very clearly by this point recognise it in themselves.

“Why have you come before the Amyrlin Seat?” she asked.

And now we get the opening of Amyrlin-to-Dragon. But that’s not where we began. We began with Rand and Egwene, and I’ll shut up about it in a minute but this whole play of naming and identity is one of those little things that gets me pretty much every time it turns up in a story.

“I’ve hated you before,” Rand said, turning back to Egwene.

I’M FINE! THIS IS FINE!

Yes I am quoting pretty much every line of dialogue in this scene but LISTEN, IT HURTS ME.

The thing is, this is a statement utterly without malice. It’s not a threat or an insult—not even the childish sort of insult they might have exchanged last time they met. It’s… really, the only word that comes to mind is a confession.

Which plays into one of the features of Rand’s character that stands out so far in the brief moments we’ve seen him in this book: genuine self-knowledge, and self-knowledge that he fully accepts. There is no longer any remnant of denial.

And that allows him to make statements like this and have them come across as, weirdly, almost benevolent. Nothing he has said is said with the intent to deceive, or to wound, or even really to manipulate. It’s just truth—and truth that he himself fully understands and accepts now.

So he’s not fighting against her out of fear of being caught up in Aes Sedai strings, just as he’s not fighting against Lews Therin’s memories out of fear of being caught up in Kinslayer’s fate. Instead of fighting against everything up to and including himself, he’s just… him.

“It occurs to me that I’ve been trying too hard.”

That’s exactly it. He’s been fighting, when in some ways what he needed was to learn how (and where, and when) to surrender. Though even ‘surrender’ connotes a struggle or a conflict, and I think a lot of this realisation is that it’s not about fighting or forcing or struggling; it’s about accepting, and guiding, and leading. And choosing, of course.

“A fear that the acts I accomplished would be yours, and not my own.” He hesitated. “I should have wished for such a convenient set of backs upon which to heap the blame for my crimes.”

Wow. Okay, that’s… a line.

Um.

Damn.

It’s almost ironic, the way he instead tried to heap all the responsibility on himself and take all that blame and pain, and let it damn him and in doing so tried to pretend it freed him to act as he needed, no longer held back by such trivial concerns as humanity and his own conscience or sense of redeemability. But ultimately it came down to the same thing, in a way: an inability to accept what he was doing, and so trying to find a place to put all that pain.

(Or, as Lews Therin once advised, ‘If it hurts too much, make it hurt someone else instead’).

But now he sees that, too, and so instead of trying to escape the pain or treat it as ‘I’m damned either way so may as well burn it all’, he understands his responsibility but in a more… balanced way, I suppose.

The Dragon Reborn had come to the White Tower to engage in idle philosophy

Moridin? That you?

I do sort of wonder, because I’m me, what impact, if any, Rand’s epiphany might (or could; I don’t really expect the story to go there, much as I might wish it to) have on Moridin, given the link they share.

“Rand,” Egwene said, softening her tone.

And now we get the reflection of the names from the opening of this conversation! It’s about the names! It’s about the dialogue tags! It’s about identity and perception and that thread of friendship that still binds them and might in the end be enough to save them from their predecessors’ fate!

“I’m going to have some sisters talk to you to decide if there is anything… wrong with you. Please try to understand.”

I mean you could not have phrased that less tactfully if you tried, Egwene, but it is kind of understandable. We may know full well that there’s less wrong with Rand now than there has been at pretty much any point since the start of the series, but how in the Light would anyone else be able to be sure of that? He’s certainly not acting like the Rand Egwene once knew, or even the Rand she last saw. Nor is he behaving like the Rand from whatever reports she’s received.

And yes, while I think the world waiting and watching for him to go mad hurt far more than it helped, there’s also the fact that that is what everyone and their mother expects—because up until what, a few months ago, that was inevitable.

So then in walks the Dragon Reborn, acting like… well, this, and what else are you going to do? A bit like the cleansing of saidin, as a reader you want all the other characters to just take it on faith, but the rather sad irony of Rand’s position is that his own word is the one no one is entirely sure they can trust. And the only one here who can vouch for him is himself. Elayne or Aviendha or Min might be able to, but none of them is nearby, and also that bond’s been kept pretty quiet.

So anyway. Yeah, I can see where she’s coming from on that.

To his credit, so can Rand.

“Oh, I do understand, Egwene. And I am sorry to deny you, but I have too much to do.”

There’s the woolheaded sheepherder again. He’s smiling here, and I am quite sure this is a bit of the old Rand dropping by to say hello and needle Egwene just a bit, because that’s what they do.

“A friend rides to his death without allies.”

HE NAMED YOU FRIEND. AND NOW YOU REMEMBER HIM. THIS IS FINE I’M FINE EVERYTHING’S FINE.

“This is the part I regret. I did not wish to come into your centre of power, which you have achieved so well, and defy you. But it cannot be helped. You must know what my plans are so that you can prepare.”

To be able to say that without so much as the hit of a threat in it is… quite a power move, I have to say. Because even here, I think he’s still just being absolutely and even benevolently honest. He doesn’t want to undermine her. He doesn’t even really want to challenge her. He understands where she’s coming from – which itself puts us so, so far from where he was just days ago, that he can meet her uncertainty and suspicion and say ‘okay yeah, that’s fair’.

And if he had time, I wonder if he might actually agree to that particular request.

But he doesn’t have time. Which brings us to the other extraordinary part of this statement: willingly offering up communication. Just. Straight up saying ‘you need to know my plans’. Mark this date in your calendars, friends: a Wheel of Time character just offered, unprompted, voluntarily, to share their plans with another character, so that they can prepare.

I am astonished.

“The last time I tried to seal the Bore”

You know, just the other day.

“I believe that saidin and saidar must both be used.”

I think he’s absolutely right there—it’s a part of what I love about Rand and Egwene, childhood friends for all that they’ve grown apart, holding the roles that they do; the idea that this bond between them, strained as it is, could allow them to do what Lews Therin and Latra Posae could not—but I also… he shall hold a blade of light in his hands, and the three shall be one. I just… wonder.

Egwene leaned forward, studying him. There didn’t seem to be madness in his eyes. She knew those eyes. She knew Rand.

YES!

THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED! That she sees him. Looks past the Dragon Reborn, past her role as Amyrlin, and for a moment she is just Egwene looking at Rand and it is by nature such a simple thing—stripping away everything but that simple identity—but it’s also the thing that can give them a chance to do it differently this time. This chance of understanding, this one small thing that could tip them towards cooperation and trust rather than letting them turn away from each other or fall apart.

Light, she thought, I’m wrong. I can’t think of him only as the Dragon Reborn. I’m here for a reason. He’s here for a reason. To me, he must be Rand. Because Rand can be trusted, while the Dragon Reborn must be feared.

Maybe it’s very Sanderson to have this stated outright, but I’m not even going to complain, because it’s… perfect. To allow, in the end, trust and friendship and who they are rather than purely what they are come into it as well, even just in some small way, to bridge that gap. It’s what Lews Therin and Latra Posae couldn’t do, but Rand and Egwene have a chance to try again.

I just… have been spinning around on this EXACT CONCEPT for, I don’t know, several books now, and to see it playing out so plainly here is everything I want and I am never going to be okay again in my life.

“Which are you?” she whispered unconsciously.

He heard. “I am both, Egwene. I remember him. Lews Therin. I can see his entire life, every desperate moment. I see it like a dream, but a clear dream. My own dream. It’s part of me.”

It’s a nice touch, that he speaks of it as a dream, to the one who understands dreams so well.

It’s also just a lot, to have gone from ‘so many parts of him, mind splintered in glittering shards, all of them screaming’ to ‘sorrows and his own suicide’ to a clear dream he accepts as a part of himself. The pain and desperation of it are still there, but he’s no longer fighting them, because he no longer sees it as something he’s bound to. It’s just a part of who he is, but it doesn’t have to define what he will be.

I also like this because Egwene was one of the first to notice him speaking to a voice in his mind. And now she gets this, just an honest and accepting response. It seems fitting, somehow.

The words were those of a madman, but they were spoken evenly. She looked at him, and remembered the youth that he had been. The earnest young man. Not solemn like Perrin, but not wild like Mat. Solid, straightforward. The type of man you could trust with anything.

Even the fate of the world.

THAT’S IT THAT’S IT RIGHT THERE. If they did not know each other, this could be an impasse. Not as disastrous as Rand’s meeting with Tuon, perhaps, because he’s a little… uh… less omnicidal at this particular moment, but likely just as unsuccessful. An Amyrlin who could not trust the Dragon, and a Dragon who could not afford to give her the assurances she needed, and so two powers working in parallel but separately, almost in opposition.

But she knows him. And it’s the youth he had been—it is LITERALLY THE MEMORY OF A SHEPHERD NAMED RAND AL’THOR, the echo of one of my favourite quotes—that tips the balance the other way this time.

It’s Rand. The boy he tried for so long to destroy, because to be him hurt too much.

And I also really love how it isn’t about some Grand True Love between them that does it. They were childhood sweethearts, sure, but the love between them is that of friends, of a shared childhood, of something very much like family. And I like that there’s this implicit importance and weight placed on that; that in its way it’s as crucial to this moment as the ‘veins of gold’ were on Dragonmount

This is what Latra Posae and Lews Therin had. And so instead it falls to Egwene and Rand, to learn from their mistakes, and do what they could not. It is what Rand realised on Dragonmount, and what he is playing out now. A chance to try again.

And it’s because he’s Rand that that’s possible. It’s not Lews Therin, or the Dragon Reborn (but it is also both of those, because he is both of those).

“In one month’s time,” Rand said, “I’m going to travel to Shayol Ghul and break the last remaining seals on the Dark One’s prison. I want your help.”

Well. I mean. Okay. Points for honest and straightforward communication, I suppose. I love that he just walks into the Tower and drops this on her like a grenade, though. It amuses me.

Ah, so she thinks the crystal sphere in her dream represents the seals or the prison as well.

“Rand, no”

Rand: Rand yes!

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

“I’m going to need you, all of you”

Rand openly admitting to needing anyone or anything, and again just as a statement rather than a threat or an angry demand, is another thing that’s new and kind of refreshing.

“I hope to the Light that this time, you will give me your support.”

Rand to Egwene, remembering Lews Therin to Latra Posae. And if everyone is someone reborn, who’s to say she isn’t? (I’m not… really sure whether I’d want that to be true or not, so I suppose it’s nice that it’s not stated one way or the other, at least up to this point. But it could be a fun one to play with). Either way, those very much are the roles they’re echoing, and I swear I’ll shut up about this but I still just love how, so closely following Rand’s realisation on Dragonmount, we get to actually watch that kind of chance-to-try-again play out. A chance to work together, rather than apart.

“And then… well, then we will discuss my terms.”

Ah well, I suppose it was too much to hope for him to communicate the whole plan right now. Baby steps and all that.

Also, you know, narrative choices and the need to keep at least something back.

“Your terms?” Egwene demanded. “You will see,” he said, turning as if to leave.

So… the way it’s framed puts us into very slightly antagonistic (and much more familiar) territory of lack of communication and demands and terms.

But I wonder what terms he’s referring to, because there is a nonzero probability that he’s talking about Callandor here. In which case, it’s not entirely impossible that the terms he’s referring to are, in effect, those of his own surrender.

I could be wrong. I very probably am. But it’s… an interesting possibility to consider. And it would be kind of fitting, in a way, for that to be the uncommunicated and therefore misunderstood thing here.

Turns out ‘the Amyrlin’s Anger’ is Egwene just shouting at her childhood friend ‘don’t you turn your back on me when I’m talking to you, Rand al’Thor’ and Rand turning back like a boy who tracked mud into the house. I love them, I really do.

“We must talk about this,” she said. “Plan.”

“That is why I came to you. To let you plan.”

He seemed amused.

Oh, he’s absolutely amused. Part of him still is the boy you knew, and this is honestly just classic Rand-and-Egwene, for all that it’s also on an entirely different level. They antagonise one another: it’s what they do. But I don’t think there’s true anger here, on either side. And again, that is what could save them. That ‘anger’ between them is… this, rather than that snapping of tension and dropping of any possibility of a truce and turning immediately to planning their next moves, all thought of alliance or restraint over, between Rand and Tuon.

Anyway. The other thing here is that… it’s easy to be exasperated with Egwene, because just listen to Rand, he’s sane now damn it, and he’s almost certainly right about the seals.

But honestly? In her position? Knowing what she knows—and not knowing all the things she doesn’t know, like the actual state of Rand’s mind—it’s hard to fault her for pushing back on this. He walks in, says he’s fine and that he remembers a dead man’s entire life and also that they need to break the prison of the embodiment of entropy and chaos and evil, okay bye!

Like. As Amyrlin, it’s her job to say ‘okay, right, I’m with you, but also what the fuck’. It would be irresponsible not to.

Of course… I get the impression Rand knows that, too. And is, perhaps, counting on it. He came to her to let her plan, and he doesn’t seem surprised or upset by the fact that she doesn’t just immediately say ‘okay cool when do we start’, and he has a certain respect for the position she holds.

I think it’s entirely possible this is what he wants from her. For her to plan. Because he doesn’t have time to. And because, just as she looks at him and sees someone she can trust with the fate of the world, he looks at her and sees someone he can trust with planning and logistics and getting the Aes Sedai to get themselves where he needs them. A kind of ‘this is what I’m going to do, now do whatever it is you need to do because I don’t need to micromanage and I also don’t have time to, okay see you at Tarmon Gai’don’.

“And so here we come to it,” Rand said.

Yeah, he saw this coming.

“Egwene al’Vere, Watcher of the Seals, Flame of Tar Valon, may I have your permission to withdraw?”

He asked it so politely. She couldn’t tell if he was mocking her or not.

The thing is, I really don’t think he is. It’s like how earlier he said he didn’t want to come into her place of power and undermine her. He’s giving her, I think, an honest gesture with genuine respect. Because now, at peace with himself as he is, it costs him nothing to do so. She is not his enemy, and I do think his respect for her is honest, and I think he still cares about her as a friend, and what does he lose by giving her a small bow and her titles and the opportunity to grant him permission to leave?

And of course Egwene is conflicted, because on the one hand she can’t keep him here like Elaida tried to, but on the other hand…

“I will not let you break the seals,” she said. “That is madness.”

“Then meet me at the place known as the Field of Merrilor, just to the north. We will talk before I go to Shayol Ghul. For now, I do not want to defy you, Egwene. But I must go.’

Ah. And so we have a battleground.

As for the rest… well. It’s not quite accord, but nor is it disaster. It’s not even quite a true impasse. There’s tension now, sure, but it’s a) not even in the same hemisphere as as bad as it would have been if Rand hadn’t had some alone time on a mountain to think, literally, about his life choices and b) not insurmountable.

And c) I still think there’s a very real chance this is all Rand actually needed or wanted out of this. Egwene now knows his plan and his timing and the battleground, and she can take care of the rest.

It’s almost—gasp—as if Rand al’Thor, Dragon Reborn, has truly learned to delegate.

The chamber was still enough for Egwene to hear the faint breeze making the rose window groan it its lead.

The wind, for Rand, against the rose, for the Aes Sedai. (Also, listen, I have not forgotten that Eldrene was the Rose of the Sun).

“Very well,” Egwene said. “But this is not ended, Rand.”

“There are no endings, Egwene.”

IT’S! ABOUT! THE NAMES!

They talk a big game about each other’s titles, and wonder if they’re really the person they each once knew, but they both open and closes with nothing but each other’s names, and it means absolutely everything.

Also, that’s… really not a bad outcome. Honestly, this could have been so much worse. Anger? Try ‘okay um that’s unexpected and I’m still not sure you’re not insane but…sure. Okay’.

Which really is all you need, right? It’s agreement with a bit of hesitation, and at this stage in the game that’s a damn victory.

Again, I can’t help but contrast it with that absolute catastrophe at Falme, and compared to that? This is just friends sticking their tongues out at each other on the way out. Rand knows he can count on Egwene to be there, at least. Will she agree with him when she arrives? Who knows. But that’s a problem for another time. For now, he at least knows she’ll go, and that’s all he can ask. And he can leave the rest of the planning in her hands.

And she knows what he’s planning, and knows he wants her as an ally, and can therefore make said plans.

I don’t think this is ended either, and I’m sure there’s plenty of potential conflict to come, but this was, all things considered, really kind of impressive in its lack of explosions.

(Also, ‘there are no endings’. Now who’s giving Aes Sedai answers, Rand? As well as probably spoilers for the last line of the series. Rude.)

Oh, interesting. So Rand’s ta’veren hyperdrive powers pretty much literally froze all the other Aes Sedai in place. Because this needed to be a meeting between Rand and Egwene. Because of their roles, yes, but also because of that thread of connection they still share. And so it had to be the two of them, because that was the only chance of this working at all.

Egwene frowned. She hadn’t felt it that way. Perhaps because she thought of him as Rand.

I… yeah. Because that’s what he needed: to have this conversation with someone who could see him. Even then, it barely came out to something almost resembling accord. They needed that small weight on the scales, to have that chance. And so she was free, because it was the Dragon Reborn, and not Rand, who was holding the others silent, in a way.

Or at least that’s how I’m reading this because it plays into my entire thing for names and identity and perception, and the importance thereof.

“We need to discuss his words. The Hall of the Tower will reconvene in one hour’s time for discussion.”

Which, really, is exactly what they need to be doing. Now they have the information, and they can figure out… a battle plan, I suppose. Okay. We’re there now. We have a place and a time (this place, this day, which of course is followed by the lesser sadness, yes I remember sequences of chapter titles why are you looking at me like that) and the beginnings of a plan. I’m… it’s been five years and I’m not entirely ready for this.

“And someone follow to make sure he really leaves.”

You’re just afraid he’ll find some way to prank you on his way out, don’t lie.

“Then how? How do we stop him?”

That, Silviana, is not the question you need to be asking. I mean, I get it. I really do. And I’m not sure how they could not think that, at least initially. But… the time for working against each other’s aims, when you are all on the same side, is over.

“We need allies,” Egwene said.

Which, again, I think is precisely the point. That is something it makes absolute sense for Rand to delegate to the Amyrlin Seat, who has the power and the standing to gather allies and play the games of politics, and bring her portion of the Forces of the Light to… the Field of Merrilor, I suppose.

She took a deep breath. “He might be persuaded by people that he trusts.” Or he might be forced to change his mind if confronted by a large enough group united to stop him.

Oh, Egwene, no. You can’t be another Latra Posae.

But perhaps it would be too easy for this to actually just be their only not-quite-conflict. I still think it was more a success than a failure, all told, and I stand by everything I said about the importance of their friendship in letting them see each other, but I think we’re looking at one final testing of that, before the end.

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#the. NAMES! #i'm fine #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #Towers of Midnight

[lazyyogi]

Hey Ben, I’ve been here for a handful of years now and I’ve always considered you my teacher of sorts. In your ‘How To Start’ on your path post, you recommend finding a guru or teacher. How should I go about doing that in my city, and what might I expect from a relationship with a spiritual teacher? Thank you 🙏

Hey friend! I appreciate your presence and readership. Thank you for walking your own path for the benefit all beings. 

If you are seeking enlightenment, then a guru is an immense blessing and benefit.

If you are familiar with quantum physics, you might have heard the concept of how a photon is both a particle and a wave. In one sense, the photon is a discrete physical particle. In another sense, it is an abstract probabilistic frequency. I view the idea of the guru in a similar way. 

The principle of the guru is that which dispels the darkness of ignorance. It is like the wave version of the photon. In this sense, anything that dispels our spiritual ignorance functions as a conduit for the guru. My own guru refers to this as “the Divine Guru,” which I quite like. 

Then there is the matter of the particle aspect of the photon. That is the guru who appears as an individual. An individual guru is a being who has realized enlightenment and is capable of leading others to enlightenment. This can be a human but may also be a form of the divine, such as a god or goddess. Or perhaps other forms entirely!

When it comes to human gurus, there is much confusion. Traditionally in India, a prospective disciple would spend many years around a guru before formally asking to be a disciple. This way the disciple can get a sense for the guru and if they seem genuine. At the same time, the guru can get a sense of the disciple. 

In the west, due to cult scenes and whatnot, the idea of the guru has become a very sketchy concept. At the same time, the image of the guru and guru-disciple relationship has been romanticized from books and movies such that people imagine having profound and intimate relationships with their guru--perhaps having life-changing philosophical conversations up in mountaintops. 

If you are not a monk and are instead living in society, you probably wont be hanging out with the guru often. However, it is not unusual for a spiritual practitioner living in society to have a guru. Some gurus remain in their ashrams and monasteries permanently. If you want to meet and learn from them, you must travel to them. Other gurus, like mine, travel the world to give teachings and blessings. 

Connect yourself to the yoga, Buddhist, and spiritual communities in your city. They will advertise when gurus are coming through. Then go see them! When I was seeking a guru, I went to a bunch of different guru events in NYC. Some were free, some charged exorbitant amounts of money. One reason I was attracted to my guru’s scene was because he taught freely. It wasn’t a pyramid scheme of special initiations and extra fees. 

Don’t rush into asking anyone to be your guru. Listen to their teachings, practice them, and observe the results for yourself. Pray to the divine or whatever to inspire and lead you to your guru. If the right human guru for you is available, you will be connected. If the right human guru isn’t available, then the divine itself will manifest to you and be your guru. Just be persistent, genuine, and open. 

When it comes to having a human guru, think of this relationship sort of as a divine mentor. The guru will instruct as to the right technique for enlightenment. Each guru generally teaches what they themselves practiced to become enlightened. They will bless you and help to empower you to get started. Then it’s up to you to stand on your own two feet. The guru will continue to give blessings and answer your questions and give guidance. 

If I am lucky, I get to see my guru in person once a year. Sometimes however it will be 2-3 years before I get to do that. He answers my questions via email and has gotten to know me fairly well since I have been a disciple of his for about a decade now. Such a connection happens in time. Yet I have never felt as though my guru treats anyone differently. He listens to everyone’s questions sincerely, no matter how silly they might sound, and tries to help. He loves everyone. I think those are important indications. 

If you’re interested to learn more about my guru, check him out at www.srby.org. 

There is definitely a difference between a spiritual teacher and a guru. While a teacher is experienced and can be very helpful, the guru is the enlightenment itself. Association with enlightened humans is called satsang and has an indescribable effect on a spiritual aspirant. 

I know this is a lot! It’s a rather complex subject due to all the misconceptions, but in reality it is quite simple once you get the right feel for it. 

Feel free to reach out to me whenever :)

Namaste!

#guru