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#soundtrack to university
on-the-shelves · 1 year
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on my shelf: soundtrack to MA year 3 - winter
welcome back to my bi-annual music roundup! my goal is to be done with uni This Year so i'll have to start thinking of what else to do with this concept (like that's the biggest life-problem i have to solve this year lol). anyway. even though i only took 3 classes this semester, one of them took up ALL of my time: typography. much like it's hard for me to watch movies normally now, i'm now looking at all kinds of written text in a completely new way which is equally fascinating and annoying. but you could say that for most of what i've learned at uni. what wasn't annoying, was the music i listened to (ey? ey?), so let's get into it:
RM: Indigo (2022)
RM's music over the years has spanned many different themes and genres, from hardcore (?) rap on his first mixtape to more vibey stuff on mono to all the many different things he's done on BTS' songs. Indigo continues this principle of diversity but by making the entire album so varied yet so cohesive. He touches on subjects like what it means to make art and to be a person, love and loneliness, navigating friendship. He's also developed quite the vocal skills, showing off his warm deep tone on several songs. While the comfort that mono was in its sadness, it's greys, the sound of rain and the melancholy of it, Indigo's comfort comes from a warmer place. It feels more grounded (despite the hectic genre switch-ups, like: "Closer" into "Change Pt. 2"?! Insane! But it works!) and the ever-present hopefulness feels more graspable. In general, the melodies on this album are also just so good that I can't get enough of them and I'm excited for my vinyl to arrive in June!!
fav: No. 2 (but seriously, all the songs are SO good)
Epik High: Strawberry (2023)
First of all: I recently saw Epik High live for the first time and it was like 100/10 amazing. Besides the songs being amazing, they're all just really funny?! It was half standup half hip-hop show and I was LIVING. Anyway, so Strawberry starts off with an instrumental track that would fit perfectly on Spotify's Dalkom Café playlist (which I love) and then goes into two insanely catches songs featuring Jackson Wang and Hwasa, respectively. Perfect choices. Iconically, the first lyrics you hear are "I'm on my way / I'm on my villain arc / I'mma need you to shut up for a minute" but on a really chill lo-fi beat. Beautiful. That's also how their live show started which is truly iconic. What fascinates me the most about Epik High's music is the melodic sensibility they bring to every song, even the ones that sound like freestyle rap. There's always a melodic heart to it, combined with really good lyrics.
fav: Catch
Paramore: This Is Why (2023)
They're finally back!!! If you can't tell by my profile picture, Paramore's After Laughter (2017) is one of my absolute favourite albums of all time. And of course I love all their older albums too. I think This Is Why is a perfect follow-up to all of these: it ties in all the different sounds we've heard before but in a new way. It feels like they're still inspired by the same things, but they've gone deeper into them, if that makes sense. The sounds and themes of the album also just feel like a perfectly natural progression after Hayley's two solo albums, which the other band members also helped out on. You can hear and feel how much all of them have matured and grown musically, skills-wise, and personally. It's such a pleasure just letting all the sounds wash over you or singing along aggressively. There's a lot of aggression on the album, even in the love songs. But it's a good aggression? Maybe that's not the right word, but there's a power and a force, as opposed to a defeatedness throughout all the songs. Especially considering everything we've all been living through since the last album, I think this is a perfect response.
fav: Running Out of Time
NewJeans: "Ditto", "OMG" (2022/2023)
It's all hits, no misses so far with these girls. "Ditto" was released a bit earlier in the winter and perfectly encapsulated the wistful melancholy of the grey and wet days while still being insanely catchy. The melody has this very specific kind of melancholy, nostalgic undertone that the music video emphasises, but paired with a drill drumbeat that gives the whole thing an edge. "OMG" might sound more upbeat in direct comparison at first, but it also has some more somber undertones, especially when you take the music video (which left me confused and intrigued after my first watch) into consideration. I like that NewJeans songs can absolutely appeal to teenagers (their peers) easily but even older listeners can genuinely enjoy them without feeling like they're listening to a Disney Channel soundtrack and it's not really for them. There's a clear groundedness in these songs that is lacking in a lot of music for and by teens these days (especially looking at you, TikTok...). All of their songs are literally the most tenacious earworms, yet I'm not annoyed to have them camp out in my mind.
Le Sserafim: Antifragile (2022)
At first, I didn't like Antifragile as much as Fearless because the track sequencing is just not as good: the mood changes from track to track don't feel as smooth. But all of the songs on their own are absolutely on par with their first EP's and add new textures that I enjoy. Particularly "No Celestial": it's heavily rock-influenced with a great melody and message, and the girls' vocals work very well with this style of music. Considering that their whole thing is being fearlessly themselves in the face of adversity and embracing supposed flaws, rock is the perfect genre to express this with. Even on Fearless, a song like "The Great Mermaid" had somewhat of a rock sensibility but not traditionally executed. For "No Celestial" they brought in the guitars and melody of a 2000s/2010s pop-rock song that just makes so much sense for them. The title track "Antifragile" is also really fun to listen to, going in directions I didn't expect (especially in the chorus). In general, they manage to make empowering songs that don't feel cheap and fake, which is difficult to pull off.
fav: No Celestial
Tomorrow x Together: The Name Chapter: Temptation (2023)
How does TXT manage to do something different on every album and have it still sound so quintessentially TXT? Every new album my first reaction is "Oh? This is different... hmm......." and then I get obsessed and loop the album for weeks. Temptation has been exactly the same. Title track "Sugar Rush Ride" is the most seductive they've ever been, with the way they use their vocals especially, which suits the theme of the album. It deals with the temptation to ignore all your responsibilities and just stay "Happy Fools" (eyy) but in the end, they realise that you can't live like that forever, and have to say "Farewell, Neverland". Something about the guitar and melody on that song specifically feels so familiar to me, but I can't pinpoint it... The biggest surprise to me was hearing an instrumental for "Devil By The Window" and finding out it's just a sparse beat for most of the song, with their vocals being the only thing to make the song sound full. They keep doing new and interesting things and I just need them to finally come to Europe on tour now...
fav: Farewell, Neverland (but seriously, all of them though)
Jin: "The Astronaut" (2022)
As a massive fan of both Coldplay and Jin's music, this song is everything to me. It's the perfect collaboration, especially considering they're fans of each other too and have both explored a more space-y theme in their recent music. Of course, this song is Jin's last release before he had to go do his compulsory military service, so it being full of so much love and melancholy makes it bitter-sweet in all the right ways. Did I go see Coldplay's Argentina concert in cinema just to see Jin perform this song? Yes, and I cried a little.
Red Velvet: The ReVe Festival 2022 - Birthday (2022)
Continuing the theme from their previous album of interpolating classical pieces into poppy tracks, "Birthday" uses a George Gershwin piece but makes it go all kinds of places in a very (recent) Red Velvet style. These days, some of their songs are a little much at first listen, but their vocals always, always, always tie everything together so well that I can't help but enjoy listening. The other songs on the album are a little less quirky and more classic Red Velvet with great vocals and interesting melodies. But I do keep wondering one thing: what does "oops we are on a ride" mean? How are you accidentally on a rollercoaster?? Or is it a metaphor for how life is a rollercoaster............. Anyway, of course I had red velvet cake on my birthday this year while listening to this album and it felt great.
fav: Zoom
Fujii Kaze: Help Ever Hurt Never (2020)
I found this album through such a weird way: Suga of BTS posted black-and-white photos of himself on his Instagram with his long hair in his face and people on Twitter said it reminded them of the album cover of a song that recently blew up on TikTok - Fujii Kaze's "Shinunoga E-Wa", so people started making Suga edits with that song. I liked the song and checked out the album and loved it and it's been on repeat ever since. Something about it reminds me so much of Jamie Cullum but if his songs were a little more interesting or at least his albums were a bit more diverse... Kaze's voice has a very soothing and rich tone and that coupled with the great melodies and instrumentation of his songs just makes me want to endlessly loop the album.
fav: Sayonara Baby
Seulgi: 28 Reasons (2022)
I honestly did not know what to expect from Seulgi's debut album but although it goes in several directions, it stays cohesive and suits her perfectly. It's dark in a different way than her album with fellow Red Velvet member Irene, Monster (2020), with a certain alluring quality. Most of the songs are very brash with Seulgi showcasing her vocal prowess, which makes the two songs right in the middle of the EP, "Bad Boy, Sad Girl" and "Anywhere But Home", stand out more, as they seem more understated, showing a different, less aggressive vocal style. Especially the latter is very reminiscent of a certain style of dance songs from the 2000s like Sophie Ellis-Bextor's "Murder On The Dancefloor" and Estelle's "American Boy" which I very much enjoy.
fav: Anywhere But Home
Adora: Adorable REbirth (2022)
I have been waiting for Adora's debut album since I first heard her voice in 2019 on Suga's "Seesaw" and then found out she's had a hand in making so many of my favourite BTS and TXT songs. Her first singles in 2021 and 2022 showcased her specific brand of quirkiness paired with stunning vocals, perfectly paving the way for this first EP. The single is literally called "Magical Symphony", which really encapsulates her vibe. Although she only produced about half the songs on the EP, they all sound so quintessentially her and showcase her vocal skills exactly like I'd always hoped. I'm excited to hear whatever she's cooking up next.
fav: CBGC
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sindar-princeling · 1 year
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it utterly fucks me up that in the movies when frodo finishes writing the red book, the music that plays is the starting notes of the breaking of the fellowship
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kiralamouse · 6 days
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"I thought that was non-diegetic!" is now my VERY FAVORITE leaning-on-the-fourth-wall line ever.
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spooky-month-archive · 2 months
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Spooky Month Volume 1 soundtrack album cover
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grilledcheese-savage · 4 months
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Part 17: Push and shove
Jaya prime empire Au Comic
Previous/ Next chapter
(If it’s suddenly blurry or fuzzy just comment and I’ll fix it)
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Note
“The universe sings,” Grian said.
He sounds vaguely distant- like he’s speaking from hundreds of blocks away rather than right next to Mumbo.
He turns on his bed, slow halting movements, to face him.
“Did you know?”
Mumbo can only stare.
“…Sings?” He asks. He shifts on his chair.
Grian seems to want to nod, but aborts the motion halfway, and hums instead.
“Yeah. The code. It sings, if you listen close enough,” Grian mumbles.
Mumbo opens his mouth, then closes it again.
Grian exhales a long breath, and his eyes drift close.
“Can you hear it?”
Mumbo watches the way Grian’s chest rises and falls, shallowly, slowly.
He closes his eyes, and strains to hear.
He hears- Tango out in another room of the house, pacing circles around the kitchen. Mumbo can tell it’s Tango by the shuffle in his walk.
He can hear birds outside, twittering. Wind rustling through branches. An animal- a pig, maybe, trotting along some grass.
It’s quite calming really- but he doesn’t hear singing. At least, he doesn’t think he does?
When he opens his eyes again, it’s to Grian staring right at him.
Mumbo exhales in one sharp breath- he didn’t realise he’d stopped breathing- and meets Grian’s gaze.
“Did you mean like, actual singing or- or was that metaphorical? Because I can’t hear anything other than trees, mate,” he says, only half-joking.
Grian huffs a small laugh, and shakes his head.
“Nah, it’s not really singing-singing. It’s music, though. You’ve definitely heard some of it- discs. That’s the easiest way to hear it. But that’s- so few of what’s out there. There’s more music, if you know how to listen for it,” he hums. His eyes close again, and he leans more into the mattress.
Mumbo pauses, and thinks on that for a moment. Music discs, huh? He supposes it seems plausible, that there’d be more music out there.
But then why has he never heard it? Mumbo doesn’t ever recall hearing ‘the code sing’. If it’s tied into music discs, then is it naturally generated? Is hearing it a ‘watcher thing’?
Mumbo glances down at his hands, traces lines of dirt under his fingernails.
He nods, though Grian can’t see it anyway. He makes some vague ‘see you later’ comment he can’t bother to think about, and carefully gets to his feet.
At the doorframe, he peers back.
Grian lies there, breathing steadily.
Mumbo turns and leaves, closing the door behind him.
////
headcanon that the minecraft soundtrack can be heard in the code, but only if you're 'in harmony' with it. cue other headcanon of watchers being very aware of the code
HEY ANON. ANON. I ADORE THIS HOLY SHIT I FUCKING LOVE THIS HEADCANON???? The idea that the universe is constantly singing to itself, and you can hear that through the Greater Code if you really carefully listen, is something i lowkey want to canonize SO BADLY holy shit. And this is such a lovely snippet too, im always such a sucker for deeply layered conversations like this.... i adore how youve given so much depth to the sentence "the universe sings" and the implications of how and why Grian is hearing it so much right now. [THROWS UP BLOOD] IM OBSESSED.......
Also this Mumbo dialogue especially is on point youve done such a good job of capturing his little speech patterns :] STUNNING JOB ANON IM SO FLATTERED U WROTE THIS!!!!! I really think i might canonize this concept just for how absolutely amazing it is, im utterly obsessed with it
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xnightmare-eyesx · 6 months
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Spinel, but what if she rips and tears through neon cities instead
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davey-jones-lock3r · 10 months
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i know it’s august but i was just thinking about how awesome and underrated alvin and the chipmunks meet the wolfman is
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lvcidreamss · 2 months
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champion of light .
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part 2 (?) of this! more editor!alan bc yes <3
i haven't slept in hours so I kinda rushed with the background 👎
me when I forget to write the lil fbi lettering on the back of saga's jacket 🧍
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on-the-shelves · 8 months
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on my shelf: soundtrack to MA year 3 - summer (a.k.a. the finale)
And so it comes to an end. I handed in my Master's thesis (topic: Emancipatory Potential of Girl Teen Film) about a week ago, so now I'm just waiting for it to be graded and also I have to find a job or something now... The thing I have been dreading most for like 10 years...
ANYWAY so I was super busy this summer with the thesis and going to a Japanese film festival for a class (I mostly saw very emotional movies (oops) and one very good comedy (Mondays: See You 'This' Week)), going to concerts (Red Velvet!!! Odd Eye Circle!!! Twice!!), going on vacation but still spending at least 3 hours every day working on my thesis, keeping up with the BTS members, seeing literally every BTS/TXT/IU concert or documentary they showed in cinemas, etc. etc.
So here we go into the final list of albums/songs that soundtracked my studies (it's been almost exactly 6 years since my first post in this series!!):
The Jazz Hop Café: (anything with "jazzy lofi" in the title)
So this one's not really an album, I know, but I wanted to mention this YouTube channel and their compilations of lofi songs because on many days, playing one of their videos was the only way I could get focused on the work I had to do. Using a video was also much more helpful to me than that famous lo-fi livestream because it helped me track how many hours I had been working. Truly a life-saver. And the music just sounds great too. They found some real gems!
Agust D: D-Day (2023)
What a perfect finale to the Agust D trilogy. While all three albums, Agust D (2016), D-2 (2020) and now this one, deal with anger and fear, there's a clear maturation in how these subjects and emotions are approached. On D-Day, Agust D is speaking to the world and breaking free - in openly and honestly sharing his struggles, his pain, he hopes others can feel comforted. The album literally begins with the line "Future's gonna be okay" ("D-Day"). The theme continues throughout the album, most prominent in "Amygdala" and "Snooze", a beautifully cinematic track featuring the late Ryuichi Sakamoto that is dedicated especially to everyone working publically in the music industry and struggling. He has been there, he knows what it's like and he is sincerely cheering you on. In the last years, Yoongi has emphasised again and again how much he wants to help out others and this album showcases this desire the clearest out of all of his albums. He's also pushing himself to try out a variety of new styles without losing his identity: "People Pt. 2 (feat. IU)", "SDL" and "Life Goes On" showcase his warm singing voice, while "Snooze" is the grandest he's gone musically, filled with strings, guitars, piano, and so much emotion. "Haegeum" takes a leaf out of "Daechwita" from D-2's book by incorporating a traditional Korean instrument in a novel way, while using the lyrics to speak of the hypocrisies plaguing society today. The music video for that one is like a movie, too. All in all, the album is hopeful while being emotionally heavy - and in that way, it allows a feeling of catharsis. How desperately I wish I could've gone to a concert on the tour...
fav: Life Goes On; People Pt. 2
Jimin: Face (2023)
So this was not at all what I would have expected from Jimin's first solo EP, considering the types of songs he had released before. Especially the first single, "Set Me Free, Pt. 2" came busting down the doors and demolishing all those preconceived expectations with it's assured declaration of wanting to break free from them. The other tracks are more intimate but just as interesting. The album opens with clown-like music before morphing into a very different sound and the opening line "All right, I guess the blame is on me" - brilliant. The album feels very visual to me because it's full of this kind of 'sound painting', like the clown music or "Interlude : Dive", which tells a whole story of Jimin reminiscing about the BTS concert days and the frustration and sadness of not being able to do that right now. Jimin has said he worked through his feelings from the most difficult times of the pandemic in these songs and you can feel that frustration all over these tracks. For example: Lead single "Like Crazy" really makes you feel like you're not fully sober, just trying to ignore all the bad feelings but struggling to do so. Jimin uses his already unique voice in a variety of new ways throughout the tracks. And added to that, there are quite a few interesting moments on all these songs - like the long-ish musical interlude after "Like Crazy"'s first chorus or the way the music stutters after the "Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie" line in "Alone". An added bonus, lovely moment is the hidden track on the physical album, which is more like what I'd have expected from Jimin, and is a beautiful guitar ballad for ARMY.
fav: Face-off
V: Layover (2023)
After years and years of V promising that his mixtape/album would come out soon, just for him to reveal that he's scrapped everything and started over, it's finally here and it's everything I could have ever hoped. One of the first BTS songs I heard that made me fall into the rabbit hole was his "Singularity". The R&B, more laid-back sound suits his vocal tone so perfectly, and that's exactly what runs through all of these new songs. One thing that stands out is how much room is given to the instrumentals: "Slow Dancing"'s second half is just a flute/piano solo with no vocals. It really boosts that laid-back, dreamy feeling that runs throughout the EP. Lyrically, all the songs are about missing someone and wanting them back, which V conveys very convincingly. The music emphasises this feeling in different ways - from the slightly off-key (?) moments in "Rainy Days", to the jazz and soul inspired free-ness of "Slow Dancing", to the key change via pitched-up vocals in "For Us". Generally the sound also fit in perfectly with all of that jazzy lofi I'd been listening to while writing, which made it feel instantly familiar and cozy. My favourite part of the promotions were all the live band sessions that really added so much to these songs.
fav: Rainy Days; Blue
Jung Kook: "Seven" (2023)
Song of the Summer!! I literally couldn't stop listening to this song all summer, seven days a week (ha). To be honest, I was shocked when I heard the lyrics the first time because Jung Kook just had a much more innocent (?) image, but actually this vibe suits him perfectly. He is such a quintessential pop star - vocals, dance, looks, charisma: he has it all in abundance. And on top of that, he lacks the cheesy insincerity or even low-key misogyny that I get from a lot of the pop boys historically. The lyrics to "Seven" are sexy, especially because of how loving they seem: "I kiss your waist and ease your mind"! "I must be favored to know ya"!! It's just so very Jung Kook. And I really enjoyed the remixes of the song, too, in a way I haven't enjoyed remixes since BTS' "Dynamite". Especially the "Island Remix" was fun for me, since I was on holiday on an island when it was released (Mallorca - the same island where V also shot some videos for his album this year!!).
Kep1er: LOVESTRUCK! (2023); Magic Hour (2023)
Both Kep1er EPs this year have had some of their best non-single tracks so far, with generally better line distribution among the members than their lead singles/title tracks. They have been leaning more into a groovy, light sound, and allowing more space for individual vocals and harmonies. By Magic Hour, it feels like they are starting to find a good niche for themselves, musically. "Galileo" is my favourite title track of theirs since "Up" (2022) and this might be the first time I truly like every song on an EP. Hopefully this doesn't turn out to be their last album, since they're a project group with a limited contract which is supposed to be up after two years (meaning end of this year)... They're only just starting to find their feet as a group! What a strange system...
fav: Back To The City; Why; Galileo; The Door
Odd Eye Circle: &lt;Version Up> (2023)
After the chaos on Loona island that started at the end of last year, all the members got out of their contract this year!! And then went on to several different new agencies. They do keep mentioning that Loona is not broken up, so there is still hope for an OT12 reunion at some point. For now, the first group to have released new music is the second Loona sub-unit Odd Eye Circle, who just so happens to be my favourite sub-unit. And they truly delivered once again. Maybe it helped that they're working with their original producer again, but they really do showcase an upgraded version of themselves on this new album. Every song is such an earworm, but not annoying in any way. And I really enjoy the little references to the Loona discography and first OEC EP - the introduction track often brings a little tear to my eye. I have barely listened to Loona in the past year because of the ongoing boycott and this EP filled that void a little. Plus the girls were AMAZING in concert, I literally cannot believe I saw them live in a tiny venue in Berlin and got to see all of their solo songs, duets, and of course OEC songs. And even "Hi High"!
fav: Je Ne Sais Quoi; Love Me Like
Loossemble: Loossemble (2023)
Speaking of Loona: The five members who went to a different label recently released their own EP under the name Loossemble, which stands for Loona Assemble (so cute). Even though this was literally only released two weeks ago, I've been listening to it constantly. First of all, we finally get to hear the five members who usually get the least amount of lines in OT12 songs - and they sound so good! I especially love all of the harmonies on the album. This EP also really still feels like a Loona (sub-unit) album, especially from the fan-favourite earlier days, not straying too far into unknown territory (yet?) but not boring in any way because they do get to showcase new things, like ViVi's lower register on "Sensitive". I also find it very cool that all of the members have at least one writing/composing credit on the EP, which is something they've never gotten to do before but are really good at! And "Strawberry Soda" was even written for them by fellow Loona (but not Loossemble) member Yves! They're really still carrying the OT12 agenda. Fingers crossed Loossemble also decides to tour in Europe at some point!
fav: Strawberry Soda; Sensitive
NewJeans: Get Up (2023)
It's really amazing how NewJeans keep upping their game with every release. This EP is more summery again, but again in a way that's very atypical for K-Pop, drawing on various styles of dance music as well as R&B. It's varied and fun and has quite a few interesting elements, such as the unusual sparse sound of "ASAP" and the horns in "ETA".
fav: Super Shy; Get Up
BTS: "Take Two" (2023)
Of course they recorded a song to be released around their 10-year anniversary when they weren't all able to celebrate together. Of course they did. And of course it's such a warm, embracing hug of a song. 2025 can't come soon enough.
And here are some more albums I enjoyed:
Colde: Love Part 2 (2023)
Twice: Ready To Be (2023)
Fifty Fifty: The Fifty (2022)
Fall Out Boy: So Much (for) Stardust (2023)
j-hope: Jack In The Box (HOPE Edition) (2023)
STAYC: Teenfresh (2023)
Le Sserafim: Unforgiven (2023)
Viviz: VarioUS (2023)
Itzy: Cheshire (2022)
the BTS discography remains on repeat as well, of course
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A final note: I'm really proud of myself for keeping this series going all this time. I already sometimes look back on older posts and it's so interesting to see how my taste in music and my way of writing changed through the years. Sometimes the music you listened to at a certain time in your life will always remain connected to that time for you but sometimes that connection weakens. So having these posts to look back on is like having all these little time capsules, which is nice. I don't know if I'll keep doing something similar now that I'm out of school, but it could be nice... We'll see what happens next (I have 0 plans for my future :D)!
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phoeebsbuffay · 1 year
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Imagine you survive the Order 66 because of Lord Vader.
Warnings: angst, drama. Not recommended for minors or those who have sensibility to these themes.
Warnings 2: unburnt Vader + fluffy endings.
Warnings 3: younglings are not killed in any of my stories.
Recommendations: Lorde’s version “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”. “We Remain” by Christina Aguilera.
***
Intro.
The sky is heavy with the darkest shade of grey that paints the clouds. As they tumble against the other, a tempest begins to form. You don’t seem to notice how all of a sudden the light of the sun is eclipsed by the appearance of darkness.
You are weary due to your last mission at the planet Y/C. You carry many frustrations to yourself because it feels as if whatever you do it’s never enough, whether for the Order, whether for your master.
How many times you’ve been fighting this war, at times boldly so, earning the epithet of “reckless Jedi”, and how many times you felt as if each mission battle defeats you? Victory comes at a higher cost every single time.
You are closer to the edge.
As you stand under the heavy rain that starts to pour over the temple Jedi, your knees go weak. You collapse right there. No one is there to help you to stand. You are by yourself.
He is not there either. And to miss him, to miss the one responsible for you to get where you are now only breaks through you.
Where are you, Anakin? I don’t feel you. Where did you go to?
The hood continues to absorve the impact of the rain. The sensation doesn’t soothe the sensation that the higher you get, the higher your fall will be. To be embraced by this storm only seems to reinforce the feeling that you are drowning to the core of suffering.
To whom are you enough? It takes a lot of criticism to knock down one’s self esteem and with time, with losses to face, with the delusion to wipe away the duty perception to a fragile Order, what is there to remain?
You have nothing else to think about. You raise your head and let a scream out of your lungs. A bittersweet mix of salty tears that roll over your cheeks and the tasteless rain that comes to your face is felt. You are soaked. You are hurting.
Immersed in what seems to be a longing for healing, you don’t realize the hologram that a clone nearby you opens it. You barely listen to a mechanical, evil voice giving the order 66. You don’t see the moment this clone complains about a strange migraine before saying something about executing the Jedis.
However, you do hear the sound of blasters. The sound of despair. You smell death. You rise instantly and the next thing you know a blaster is pointed at you.
“Jedi, you are about to die.”
That’s what you are told before he shoots at you.
***
Two years ago.
Anakin senses your disturbance the moment your ship lands. He comes right after you, concerned for your safety. You have only recently replaced Ahsoka as his Padawan and quickly earned his affection—though not exactly the way you wanted to be because, unlike his, yours was a different fondness that installed in your chest the moment you started the trains, but you always hid it away because you soon realized his heart belonged to someone else.
It is only fair you are greeted properly by your Master after such a difficult mission in Mustafar, a planet that only got to your nerves. And you also come back deeply wounded, though nothing hurts more than a broken pride—you were this close to knock Dooku down, but he was faster and wiser and here was when your inexperience left you.
“Hey Y/nickname.” He is frowning at you, seeing the scar you got in your shoulder and the signs of burnt in some parts of your skin. “What the hell happened?”
“I am fine”, you hear yourself saying but not even you believe in that. You look a mess and your words don’t match your state.
“Are you really going to lie to me?” Anakin asks you with ferocious eyes.
You regret instantly what you said.
“Apologies, Master. I feel better, truthfully.”
Anakin sees how you struggle to look composed. A sight he does not approve.
“You are shielding yourself behind your pride. I am not asking twice: what the hell happened?”
It takes a good deal of you to aquiesce with what he asks of you. Simple as it may seem to admit a failure from an outsider, it blows your self-esteem doing so. Yet, here you are. And when staring into his blue eyes, you tell him how Dooku overpowered you.
Anakin soon soothes in his treatment towards you. He places a hand over your shoulder and as he draws you closer, he says:
“You almost got me worried for a moment, Y/nickname. What on earth were you thinking about facing Dooku in such a planet?”
“I thought I could. After defeating Ventress and one of the Sith agents, I…” You sigh again.
“This is not a helpless case”, Anakin assures you. “Come now. You need to take care of yourself. Otherwise what use will you be to me?”
He offers you a soft smile before heading to meet Rex and the other clones. You don’t respond him, watching him go as you are left with your growing frustrations.
A few days later, though, you amend your pride. However, stubborn as you may be, you have clues about an agent to Dooku in the planet Y/C. Much to your dismay, Anakin refuses you.
“What? Why?!”, you cannot keep the good-girl posture much longer. Anakin raises his eyebrows, never before seeing you act like this. “I mean… What reason does my Master have for not granting me permission to get this mission? Have I not proved my worth?”
It’s only then that Anakin realizes you are both the same. And that he’s being to you what Obi-Wan was to him: hard, proud and stubborn. The result of his former frustration stands right before him, embodied in your person.
So he softens.
“I am sorry. It’s not about that. Things are escalating, Y/N. You are really good, you know that. Otherwise I wouldn’t take you under my wing”, he is pleased to seeing you smile. “Feeling better now?”
“Yes, thank you.” Calmer this time, you add: “When will my trials begin?”
“I have to check with the Council, but I believe it soon. And for someone who overpowered the Ventress, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”
Anakin seems to notice you for the very first time when you smile at his compliment. And what a nice smile you have, Y/N. But instead of voicing his thought, life happens and such never got to his tongue.
***
A year ago.
Your hair is loose and longer than the last two years, dropping right to your waist. There is something sensual about how you always wear your y/c locks wild and untied, how you opt to wear bandages to protect your chest in the same color of your pants.
Such are Anakin’s perceptions. But he shouldn’t notice you. Not when he and Padmé broke up because of her ex boyfriend, not when he is in pain. Not to add the amount of issues he’s been having with the Council.
But when you flash him a overconfident smile, Anakin’s mind goes blank.
“Anakin, hi! Have you been there for some time?”, you ask him, always careful to shield your heart and thoughts.
You are now a Jedi like him, and though there is no need to be under his guidance anymore, the bond one has with the other is too tight to break.
“What’s the point of practicing by yourself?”, says he in a defiance tone. “Go on. Get your saber, Y/N. Let’s see how good you are.”
A year can change everything, how odd is to perceive it. But as you and Anakin practice, as twilight paints in orange the skies above you, no change is perceived.
Yet.
Because where you start dressing blue, he begins to dress black. Where you are growing patient, his moves start to be more aggressive. This is a contrast a good observer could have noticed, but one is so intricate with the other that neither of you sees it.
“Good”, Anakin laughs arrogantly. “But you can still do better, Y/N.”
Your smile starts to fade, but you are quick to omit your insecurity from his eyes. Those are now set on you like of a hunter, but you will not be his prey.
It doesn’t help your moves that wind starts to get colder. One shiver, but you resist it. One blow, you resist it. But then one cramp…and here’s where you meet your fall.
“Well done, Y/N”, he tells you softly after offering you his hand to grab it.
As you take it, you unintentionally fall over him. Anakin has to hold you, otherwise you’d get some bruises by dropping to the floor. And it’s right where his eyes meet yours.
And he knows. Because he knocks your shield down.
“Y/N…”
You get instantly red, freezing as you stare back into those blue eyes, aware that he found out. But…
But he leaves you there. And you watch as he turns his back at you, leaving you there, pretending nothing happened.
You put a smile and decide there is nothing to investigate. Absolutely nothing. So you go straight to your quarters.
***
You hear from Rex that he and Padmé Amidala are getting back together.
“I didn’t even know they broke up”, you tell him, baffled. “But good for them.”
Good for them indeed, but not for you. You sense Anakin has been avoiding you, and if these rumors are true, it may be wise to avoid the Senator’s presence as well.
Fuck. All my efforts to keep this unseen and unknown… all of these were for nothing.
So you decide to have a good and honest conversation with Anakin again. It takes some time but when you find him, you notice there is something wrong by how he turns at you.
“What?”
You clear your throat.
“Uh. It’s me, Y/N.”
Awkward.
Anakin sighs before turning at you. He softens and it’s only when you see that there’s been something going on. You leave your concerns aside and say:
“Anakin… What’s wrong? Please talk to me. Was it something that I did? I…”
“On the contrary, Y/nickname”, Anakin smiles at you and there is gentleness in his voice, contrasting it, however, to the sadness in his eyes. “You could never do anything to stress me out. There is nothing for you to worry about.”
You take his hand almost unconsciously, a gesture that does not go unnoticed by him.
“I want you to trust in me. I could be of help somehow. You don’t have to go through all of this by yourself.” You know he is about to protest, so you squeeze his hand and proceed: “Don’t shush me. You know you don’t have to carry this weight upon your shoulders.”
He does not realize he locks his fingers with yours.
“You don’t know what it is like…” And then he breaks down.
You hold him close, then pull him against you. One barrier has been knocked down. There is little need to speak, so you stay like this for some long time.
***
Six months ago.
You are assigned to a very difficult mission regarding the chase of Darth Maul in Mandalore. You don’t know yet, but this will be the last time you see Anakin before some catastrophic events happen.
And it’s just right at the time that you are preparing to leave that your former Master comes after you.
“Y/N”, he calls you, sounding somewhat reluctant.
You turn your head. Today your hair is tied in one long elaborated braid. And you are dressing red. A color that, according to Anakin’s opinion, suits you well.
“Yes, Anakin?”, you greet him cheerfully.
Whatever it was that happened that day changed every dynamics of your relationship. But at the same time… Neither of you dares to make the first move.
“I must tell you something”, he finally decides to quit the battle against his heart.
You smile at him, warmly so. Anakin smiles back. Both of you know what’s to be finally said. He extends his mechanic hand for you and you are about to take it when Master Windu comes up.
“Greetings, General Y/LN.” He bows his head at you first. “I believe General Rex is waiting for your command. General Skywalker, may I have a word?”
You and Anakin are forced to struggle with disappointment when this awkwardness hangs between you two. He carefully casts you a painful look, though something about your eyes relieves the anxiety in his soul.
“Of course”, you are quick to answer the older male. “I appreciate your kindness, Master Windu. Have a great day. Master Skywalker.”
“Take care, Master Y/LN”, Anakin says nonchalantly.
But as his eyes follow your moves, his heart is plagued by a bad feeling concerning your mission. Worst, however, is his remorse for never telling you how he came to love you.
***
The mission & The Order 66.
All the whilst the clone wars are coming to an end and Palpatine are orchestrating his coup, bringing Anakin to his side, you are flying after Maul. To the point that you find him in a Sith planet, long forgotten even by the Jedis. And it’s right there that you are forced to deal with something bigger.
“Join me, Y/N”, you hear Maul’s voice. “You can be my apprentice, together we will be greater than any Jedi or Sith.”
“No”, you clench your jaw. “Quit with the bullshit, Maul. I will never be by your side.”
Yet, in the midst of a dark mist that confuses your vision, you hear his laughter, full of disdain and deprived of joy.
“There is darkness in you, sweet Y/N. Fight it as you wish, but you cannot deny there is in you.”
And for some reason the certainty in his speech annoys you to the point you struck rightly so. A violent battle follows, there is only so much you can take, however, and he manages to escape you.
So close, yet so far.
Maul laughs as he hears your screams. But it’s not over yet. You pursuit him. You forget about clone wars and politics. Good sense dissipates as you start a chase that dries your energies.
This whole process only ends when you get back to Coruscant, months later. You succeed in bringing Maul to justice after all. But…
What have you done?
Vengeance is not the Jedi way, you could hear him admonish you. And you feel exhausted, drained out, so tired of all this Jedi thing. There is no taste of victory as what feeds your soul is a huge frustration.
Under a heavy rain, you let a cry out of your lungs. Under a heavy rain, you barely notice the presence of a troop, his migraine and words about the order 66.
“…destroy the Jedis.”
When you turn, it’s too late. The blaster would have knocked you down, had Anakin Skywalker not lifted the clone and sent him away. What would’ve been of you had he not rescued you?
“Oh Anakin!”, you basically tumble and fall onto him. “You came!”
He gives you a half way smile at you.
“I did, Y/Nickname. For you did.”
But his yellows are different.
***
The Rise of Lord Vader.
You are both alone in what used to be the council room, used for general meetings. Anakin is waiting for your reaction as he told you what happened. For some strange reason, however, you remain an enigma for him.
“You saved me”, it’s all you can say.
“What?”, Anakin turns from the window and stares at you, puzzled by your statement. “I told you all the wrongs I’ve done and you focused in this?”
“Yes”, you are firm in what you believe. You move to where he is, noticing he is still reluctant at what your next moves will be, you lock your hands together. “If you were truly this evil being, you’d have me killed. You care for me, don’t you? Say it, Anakin. Because I do too. More than that, in fact…”
You are interrupted by the urge of his lips clashing against yours. You gasp, forgetting how to breathe as his hands involve your frame, pulling it against his. Yours tangle within his curly hair, before resting over his face, holding it so dear, so gently.
When you part the kiss to catch your breathes, you rest your forehead against his as he does the same against yours, staying like this for quite a while. Chaos seems part of another world, distant from your private universe.
“You took too long for this, Anakin”, you whisper against his lips. “I’ve always thought your heart belonged to somebody else.”
“No, princess”, he caresses your cheek. “My heart has always been yours. It will remain so. Let me provide you the best for us, you deserve every recognition. I sensed your pain, there is no need for further suffering.”
“You bring me peace, Ani”, you admit it in a whisper. “I am tired of fighting.”
He wipes away your tears with his thumb. Gently, he says:
“There is no need to fighting anymore, my angel. I’m here for you. But I must know what will be of us.”
You rest your hands over his shoulders, not willing to separate from him. There had been too much time spent apart of each other. As you cast him a look, you come to realize what had there always been within you. The truth before announced by Darth Maul himself. So you say:
“In the end, I guess we had to fall, but I would gladly fall a thousand times more with you.”
Anakin smiles broadly at you. He embraces you, knowing that the love one feels for the other remains above all.
***
Epilogue.
Most times the war one wages is against what truly resides within oneself. Accepting that you are not entirely bad for having flaws helps you understand Anakin’s. Helps you both overcome issues that had been severely repressed by the Jedis.
Palpatine is now dead. Power lies in the hands of you both. But behind the scenes, balance prospers. Anakin pulls you against him every morning, every moment, to remind you the love he has for you only grows intense.
And you respond him with the same way. You never cease to defend him, to justify his doings. He’s been too misunderstood and one of the moments where you found your voice was defending your husband.
Oh yes. The two of you got married in a discreet ceremony at planet Y/C. Only two witnesses were present to attend: C3-P0 and R2-D2.
As time starts to pass, however, rumors begin to spread that where Lord Vader rules the Empire, it’s his Lady Y/N who rules him in bed. There might be some truth in it.
But neither of you seems to care. It’s all good. It’s perfect and happy as it should be.
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chaosfantasmic · 7 months
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Average Zelda soundtrack: Emotional, a classic, bittersweet
Hyrule warriors: literal death metal
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aheathen-conceivably · 10 months
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🎶 🏡 🎶
Evenings at home after a full day of grade school, nectar farming, and horseback riding. Does the farm need a name? I think it needs a name 😉
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sillyfairygarden · 10 months
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seeing all this gemcyt art is making me realize that the steven universe > mcyt pipeline impacted many, many more people than i realized
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llovelymoonn · 10 months
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tracy k. smith life on mars: “the universe: original motion picture soundtrack”
support me
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uwudonoodle · 3 months
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My husband and I started playing Oracle of Ages (more accurately, he's controlling and I'm watching). Of course the talking tree is fem and has the hots for Link. But she's such a cutie waifu tree!
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