#sorry for these monstrosities called tags

[gyuswhore]

How to Win Hearts for Dummies (the answer is lattes and banana bread)

Idol!mingyu x makeup-artist!reader

genre: fluff, angst, one sided pining

warnings: slow burn, swearing, shitty bosses, some descriptions of anxiety and breakdowns, one sided pining, reader has issues opening up (lmk if there's anything else)

13.4k words (im sorry)

plot: This apprenticeship was taking a toll on your self control in the worst possible way. Walking in 8 months ago, a resignation from your corporate job and a dream in your pocket, you made an oath to stay focused on the goal at hand and to enjoy what you did for a living for once; makeup. Except, your still stuck as an apprentice with a mentor that has no inclination for your growth.

And you’re a little bit in love with your client.

masterlist

(A/N): repost bc Tumblr wouldn’t show it in the tags!!! Thank you for clicking on this clonking my pants as I hit post ! I started working on this at the beginning of exam season and I’m posting it the night before my last exam 🥲 what a full circle moment. Also pls excuse any inconsistencies or grammatical errors, my beta reader, unlike me, actually cares ab her grades and is in the beginning of exam season and therefore will not be able to read through this monstrosity for a while lmao. Enjoy hehe

Edit: I’ve just realised how many mistakes and grammatical errors I’ve made throughout the fic, serves me right for proofreading at 3 AM after a stats exam. I’ll try to fix them all asap!!! 

The camera goes off again with a distinct click. And again. And again. And again.

The camera had gone off innumerable times since Mingyu walked out in another themed ensemble, and you were there, watching, through all of it.

You watched as he kept switching positions, rotating his body and his head. Morphing his features into more variations of dazed and serious than you thought could ever exist.

Standing there, at the portable table behind the main setup, attempting to clean a lip brush that would be needed soon when the inevitable call for-

“Makeup over here! We’re taking 5”

You note your sluggish pace as you snap out of your daze and scrubbing harder with the removal cloth. Snapping your head down, hoping nobody noticed your incessant heart eyes, you realize you were in trouble now.

‘Y/n, you’ve been cleaning that brush since I left 10 minutes ago!’ The senior makeup artist snapped.

You finish up the brush in hand and quickly hand her what she needs, not before rummaging for the tiny pot of lip product you absent-mindedly packed away.

‘Sorry, really sorry’ you choke out before she leaves in her badly concealed irritated expression. You see her make a beeline for a waiting Mingyu, who adorably squats for the woman so she has better access.

This apprenticeship was taking a toll on your self control in the worst possible way. Walking in 8 months ago, a resignation from your corporate job and a dream in your pocket, you made an oath to stay focused on the goal at hand and to enjoy what you did for a living for once; makeup. Except, your still stuck as an apprentice with a mentor that has no inclination for your growth.

And you’re a little bit in love with your client.

It's not that you were overage (your mother begs to differ), but considering you were on your second big girl job and still no sign of a potential lover, the prospect was starting to weigh on your head. The first rattling experience was when one of your closest friends announced her engagement, your thoughts still stuck in a 19 year old you considered she was too young. She was not, in fact, 19, or too young, but a perfectly acceptable age to consider marriage with someone she loved, you had soon realized. You were never one for the dating scene, but you were always one to don your Dr. Love labcoat whenever an emotionally bruised friend would come seeking help. You were good at advice, but awfully bad at applying it yourself.

Coming into this job, surrounded by a plethora of beautiful people, your heart would be of stone if it weren’t to waver.

The gong of unattainability had struck the second you laid eyes on Mingyu, laughing at something Hoshi had shown him on the phone. There he was, hair and makeup-less, looking like he had just rolled out of bed (which he had), and beautiful as ever. Beginning this new chapter with a bang, only problem was that it turned into an 8 month shoot out. Having encountered a number of gorgeous people, you’d learned to appreciate their genetic lottery pull and move on. But never had a single look left you as breathless and unbeared as that one, fateful look at Mingyu. One of the team members was busy assuring you not to worry too much about the pandemonium in the dressing room, that everyone would handle it and you were only asked to observe and help with smaller things as instructed; for now. You weren’t listening too hard though.

You were now adjusted to the chaos that comeback season and 13 men plus staff in a microscopic dressing room brought about. But you will never forget how in the midst of your first rain of hell, Mingyu had asked you to pass his phone.

‘Please?’ He had said, and you slammed your hand with a force of a woman infatuated on the table behind you and (literally) breathed out the first thing you had ever said to him.

‘Here’

He smiled and gave you a quick ‘thanks’.

There was no coming back after he flashed you those irresistible canines, and to this day, you wonder what nation you saved in a previous life to be able to have him know your name, hear it roll off his tongue in his pretty voice as he asks you to fix his smudged eyeliner.

You sigh defeatedly before your mentor slash irritated makeup artist shoves her load back in your hands and instructs you to come inside to pack up. It’s become routine for you now, as you begin to pack up the bigger palettes and tools, handing a ready-to-go-home Junhui the pack of makeup wipes he asked for, zipping up bags and closing tubs of outfits. It's an organized chaos but one everybody has grown to work around.

Mingyu is done before you, as he removes his jewelry and begins to shrug off his jacket. You scramble to find the clothes he came in and his coat, pointedly ignoring the familiar scent of wood. He thanks you and shucks off the remainder of his clothing, he might be used to stripping in front of professional staff, but you look away regardless for your own sanity.

Helping the last stylists hang the final jacket, you grab your bag and get ready to leave in your own car. Mingyu has left, not before throwing a “you did well, thank you!” over his shoulder at the remaining people in the room and leaving for the honking car outside.

***

Your mashing bananas in a bowl at 12 AM when you start thinking. Impulsive baking sessions had become a norm since you started working with Seventeen, needing to keep yourself occupied to stop spiraling. Mingyu was a recurring topic (surprise surprise), but one that quickly faded when you begin to think about what the future holds for you. You start mashing the banana harder. You consider the idea that you can’t complain, being in a position some of the most well seasoned pros had difficulty reaching. Being a single young woman and being allowed so close to some of the most unattainable men was seen as near impossible. You’d like to think it was your skill that got you here but can never seem to fully rule out a processing error.

It’s hard, being stuck in the same place. Your apprenticeship should have ended 2 months ago, but even if it had, you’d still be doing the same thing. The senior artist trusts no-one but a select few to work on the boys for photoshoots, events, music videos. People like you are left to sanitize sponges and clean the fallout.

You crack an egg on the counter and it splits open entirely, falling on the floor, yolk and all. Your inability to grow stays within the idea that you can’t really do your artistry like you want.

And how you never learn to crack your eggs on the bowl.

***

Showing up on the Going Seventeen set, you rush to the dressing room way earlier than you should. Being completely honest, you’re really only rushing because you want to maneuvere yourself to do Mingyu’s makeup before somebody else snags him. This was one of the very few engagements where you were occasionally allowed to take charge on makeup. Not that it was required for the show much at all; intensity and occasion wise. Your rare (possible) moment to (maybe) come into Mingyu’s organic notice was an opportunity never to be dropped by you.

You help setting up everything on the counters as the boys begin to (loudly) file in the rooms. You see Mingyu walk in and move to ask him to sit down once he’s done discarding his coat. He was first in line and you ‘happened’ to be the first one ready to begin working.

‘Is the eye makeup heavy? I just got a sty removed and I don’t know if I should be putting anything on at all.’ He asks as he sits down and you ready your damp sponge.

‘Not really, just smoothing things out. It should be fine.’ you say as you begin to press the compact on his cheek.

Your not really sure why, because you’ve never been able to muster anything above brief replies when in contact with him, but something in you pushes you to keep talking.

‘I’m surprised they even asked for us, they rarely ever do’ you continue, heart pounding so hard you’re afraid he might hear it.

He breathes out a laugh ‘Yeah. They even started advertising the show on youtube and subway stations and stuff, I didn’t know until I saw someone talk about it online’

You smile at his response ‘Well, all of you work so hard, it's about time they pull this to a high scale production’

‘It's never really work if your having fun, we try to be ourselves on here’ He replies, still smiling slightly.

You’re damn near close to collapsing on the floor at this point. This is the longest conversation you’ve ever had with him. You opt to smile in response as you start to concentrate on his eyebrows. The rest of his face is done far too soon as you zone out and do what you do best.

‘All done’ you announce as you pull away from his lips, trying not to have yoour gaze linger.

“Y/n! Can you start on Vernon if you're done?’, another artist calls from behind.

‘Yeah, he can come up!’ you reply as Mingyu (regretfully) walks towards hair.

Just because you sew your mouth shut with Mingyu doesn’t mean it applies for the rest of them, you’re quite friendly with all of them and Vernon does well to remind you as he sits down and quips a ‘hey bestieee’ in an elongated greeting.

You audibly laugh ‘That’s another word I’ll be hearing for the next month’

‘Regretfully so’ He feigns sympathy.

‘Be quiet and look up’ you say with a fond smile before you get started on him.

***

You sit on the floor in front of your television, trail mix on the coffee table as the movie plays as background noise for your thoughts - again.

There’s a smile on your face, but you dont notice as you think about the small talk you made with Mingyu today, wondering if it could become a regular occurrence if you learned to keep your heart and mind in check.  

You were never one to stand up and take effort to do what was right for you, which is why you were talked into choosing Business Administration by your friend in highschool, who you never speak to now because she decided to ditch you for another group who were more inclined to shuttle themselves to liver failure by partying every last weekend in your entire college career. You were talked into applying to corporate jobs by your counsellors as you started looking for make-up courses, needing to abandon your dream for the second time when you landed a decent entry level desk job. It took years before you decided to choose yourself for once and made the big leap after multiple courses you had took on the side. Life was starting to look bright after getting hired here, but you’re not sure if you overrode a high or if you went back to your old zipped mouth state after you settled in. Never sure if you expected too much or if things really were as stagnant as they felt.

***

Overmanifestation can be a thing. You're not really sure how it works but you’re reaping what you’ve sowed right about now.

You’re currently standing in an offside corridor in a hotel lobby, clad in a pretty white floral dress, and a nervous, fidgety Mingyu standing in front of you.

'I know I'm asking you to do something difficult and I know it seems pointless because I'm not doing anything wrong either that you have to lie about it'

This was supposed to be a staycation with your friends for you to relax and get your mind off things. Your ticket to relaxation has become a nightmare.

'And I understand I'm being super unreasonable but I'm really trying to keep it on the down-low as we get to know each other'

You were waiting with your friends on the couches positively stuffing your faces with the complimentary chocolate bowl placed on the coffee table as a couple other friends checked you guys into your rooms. You were laughing and talking with your group, carefree and ready to have a week of well deserved rest.

That was the plan anyway. Until you see someone across the lobby, also in line at check in. He had an unmistakable toothy smile,and was hand in hand with a concealed brunette.

Your smile abruptly falls in disbelief as you feel your world halt around you.

The same hands come up to brush the hair out of the woman's face to place a kiss on her temple, smiling wide.

The nauseating feeling of ice going down your spine is becoming more and more apparent. You attempt to swallow the lump in your throat but it's like trying to swallow a brick. You lick your lips and attempt to look away but your eyes keep feeding on the picture you painted yourself in your worst nightmares. Realizing you're on the brink of possible hyperventilation, your friend drops her head and asks you if you're okay. You look up at her, not knowing what to say as you realize that nodding furiously will convince her.

Mingyu has a girlfriend.

Of course he would. What were you thinking? This man is one of the most eligible bachelors in the country, why on earth would he be single? You’re unhinged, you decide, for thinking you may have a chance, when the woman turns around and you see her in full. She’s gorgeous.

A part of you still wants to believe that you're officially past the point of sanity and that you've begun to see Mingyu in every tall man. The universe, however, is cruel. He pushes his head up and in your general direction, and locks eyes with you in unmistakable recognition.

He stops smiling.

So here you are listening to Mingyu asking you to keep this a secret from the company, to forget the woman waiting for him in the lobby.

You can only nod in slight motions as he goes on his rant to justify his oath to secrecy, managing a tight lipped smile as you miraculously find your voice, hoarse as it may be.

'Don't worry about it, I understand' - ouch - 'it's none of my business anyway. I'll keep my lips sealed, I promise'

'Thank you, thank you, thank you I appreciate it so much, you don't even know. I'll repay you soon I promise'

'No, please, it's not-'

'No, Y/n I will. You're being really good to me right now and I'm so grateful. I'm sorry for putting you through this while you're off from work and with friends. It's worth to me that your listening and understanding'

You're tired. You want nothing but for him to stop talking. So you smile again and shake your head.

'I'm sure your friends are waiting, I won't keep you. I'll see you soon though!'

And with that he leaves. Back to the lobby where you see him take the woman by hand once again. You watch again as they walk to the elevators, stepping in and disappearing when the doors close. You watch the floor number rise.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

You walk back to your laughing friends before you can see where they got off.

***

Retiring to your shared hotel room with Chaeyoung, you fall back first into the crisp sheets and mattress.

'Why're you so depressed dude, did Mingyu say something to you?' She asks, a slight line forming between her brows.

'I'm fine, I've been up since 5 today it's just fatigue hitting me right now' you reassure, like always. 'I might not go to dinner with you guys, might end up with my face in the soup at some point'

Chaeyoung hums. ‘Take the night off so you can gear up for the rest of the week. I'm letting you off for now but I expect full attendance for eveything else we do', finishing with a mocking stern look.

'Yes ma'am' you feign salute from the bed, mimicking her stern tone.

You've known Chaeyoung for quite a while now, meeting her in your last year of uni. Trusting her as you do, you were never fully able to fess up about your feelings for Mingyu. Fear of judgment wasn't the problem, but more so the strange feeling of shame that overcomes you when you think about talking about it with other people. It's quite beyond you, why you act this way. You loved your friends and you knew they would support you with everything, they'd proved it when you'd made one of the most difficult decisions of your life while leaving your job. But the idea of having the audacity to love someone who could never do the same seemed like a feat of embarrassment.

Who are you, y/n? Who are you to have foolish dreams of a girl in love? With someone clearly fit for all things greater than you?

Maybe this was a good thing, you thought, the weird feeling in your stomach returning. Maybe this was the universe telling you to give up and move on, a kind of rejection that keeps your dignity. This was nothing but a reality check, a sign from whatever wants best for you, to bring your attention back to what brought you to Mingyu in the first place.

***

You didn’t see Mingyu for the rest of the trip, which you were grateful for not knowing how you’d react if you had to see him so soon after, that.

Back massaged and head clearer than it had been for weeks, you feel more in control of your feelings and thoughts regarding your life. You hope the conversation with Mingyu was the last stressful thing you’d encounter for a while.

It’s almost comeback season, you realise as you see the new concept photos while scrolling on your couch at home. This meant insanely early mornings for weeks on end, but you had to push through for your own sake. You’d come out of multiple comebacks needing a brace for a month but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. Never realising the true meaning of learning through experience, you were enlightened as you entered this new, very hands on field. The concept looked interesting, hoping the scraps of makeup you’d be allowed to do would be fun for you.

That ended up being true when you were, for the first time, asked to do Hoshi’s full makeup for their first comeback broadcast.

Your stumped silence was short lived as you hastily oblige and get the chair ready for him. You’d looked at the demo sheets and face charts too much for someone who wasn’t actually going to be asked to do much, but you see it pay off as you finish his eyes and get started on the rest of his face. It was easy for you to zone out as Soonyoung had passed out not even 5 minutes in, having someone hold his face as you worked.

You felt your chest swell with an indesipherable feeling as you watched him get up with your mastery on his face; pride, was it? You were getting emotional for no reason. Your attention, however, is moved sharply when you hear someone tell Mingyu it was his turn, finding him plopped on your chair staring straight into nothingness as he’d just been rudely awoken from his nap. He doesn’t realise it’s you for a solid minute as he tried to remember his own name.

‘Oh, hello’ he says, sort of confused. ‘Sorry, just give me minute’, he mumbles as he rubs his eyes.

He stretches back onto his seat signalling he’s ready for you to get started. You trying not to feel too much in your stomach as you begin.

You’re powdering his forehead when he says “I know I already said this but I really appreciate what you’re doing”

You know he’s talking about the conversation at the hotel, you were hoping you could avoid it.

“I told you not to worry about it, honest.” You reply, and somehow manage to choke out “It makes me happy that you’re happy”

You can see him trying to fight a smile, “Thank you for saying that”.

You wanted to stab someone. But you opt for gently brushing a base colour across his eyes.

“Do any of us know her, by any chance?” You ask cautiously.

“I dont think so. We met through mutual friends at a Christmas dinner, we didn’t start talking till she had to bring me a bunch of papers I’d left at my mom’s that day.” his face depicts someone reminiscing a fond memory.

It was cute, how it seemed like fate was trying to bring them together. It would've been cuter if you weren’t in a one sided pining with one of the two lovers.

“Well, I hope it works out for the both of you”

No you don’t.

“I hope so too”

You don’t hope that at all.

You felt guilty, feeling all of this. Hated that this was your first response to him wanting to be happy. Never would you have imagined stooping this low, hoping his happiness doesn’t work out for your sake. You’d like to owe it this being your first real infatuation, but you can’t help but wonder if this was really what you thought.

You decided to focus on the good news for today, that you’re finally allowed to do your actual job. You can only hope this wasn’t a temporary advancement, allowing time to tell.

Things remained the same the following day, much to your absolute elation. You were done doing 4 people’s makeup and was just winding down to take a break, quite satisfied with yourself. You observed as the rest of the boys got their hair done and run around, half in their outfits. You stifle a snort as you watch Jeonghan hide Minghao’s socks in his pockets as the boy tried to find them to put his shoes on, the former continuing to sip on his coffee seemingly unaware.

“Y/n, have you seen my socks? The green ones with the leaves on it?” Hao inevitable asks you.

You’re forced to feign confusion when Jeonghan pokes his head behind him signalling you to keep up the charade. He continues to look and you’re just about to have mercy on the poor boy before a to-go cup of coffee is shoved in front of your face.

You look up at the person and it’s Mingyu extending his arm at you expectantly.

“Oh, I didn’t order anything” you start, thinking you’re clearing up a confusion.

“I know you didn’t, got one for you anyway.”

There’s a record screech in your brain as you absorb his words.

“Think of it as me trying to repay the favour”

Oh. I see.

You’re a little embarrassed thinking he’d get one for you in that way, not when he had someone waiting on him. You accept the cup and mumble a thank you as he unexpectedly plants himself on the couch next to you.

“I saw you drinking lattes a lot of the times, so I just got you that. Hope that’s okay”.

Your silent for a moment before replying “Yes!” a little bit too loudly, eyes widening a little realisng your lack of volume control.

He knows your coffee order.

“Yes,” you say again in a normal tone and a slight laugh to cover up your inability to read the room, “They’re my favourite actually”

Kim Mingyu knows you like latte’s. This wasn’t good for your delusional brain.

Your conversation is cut short when the boys are called for roll call before they can prepare for the actual stage. You watch him get up and leave to file into the overstuffed elevators, not before he throws you the most adorable wave you’ve ever seen. You can’t hold back your smile as you wave back and look down at the drink he got you before taking a sip.

***

As it turns out, you did makeup for the rest of their comeback season, and Mingyu, without fail, got you an iced latte every single day before leaving to go on stage.

You tried to get him to stop, but he was rooted in his position and you didn’t have it in you to say no to his pleading eyes. It was a re-charge for you, when you’d seen him break into a happy smile, prominent canines that you’d grown to adore. He’d done more than enough to ‘repay’ you for swearing to secrecy, and you felt like you too, should  should repay him the balance.

So here you were, making banana bread in your kitchen again, careful to remember to crack your eggs on the rim of your mixing bowl instead of slamming them on the counter. You’re stirring the flour in when a classified devious thought occurs to you.

These past two weeks were pivotal for both you and Mingyu, daily coffee’s meant daily conversations, which meant getting to know one another more. You’d exchanged phone numbers in the midst of all of this, to which ensued the agenda of staying up till midnight talking to each other about the meaning of life.

Setting down the whisk, you pick up your phone and sent the text before you chickened out.

[You]: I have a surprise for you.

[You]: You wanna come over? It’s better enjoyed fresh lol

[Mingyu]: Ma’am? 👁👁

[Mingyu]: That sounds a whole lot like a booty call

[You]: *attachment*

[Mingyu]: IS THAT CAKE??

[Mingyu]: omw 😮‍💨

You send the location and set your phone down, a jittery feeling going through your entire body. There’s a spring in your step as you slide the loaf into the oven and set a timer. You turn around your kitchen island and register the pigsty that is your apartment. The girls were over the night before and you had done nothing to enlighten the aftermath, pillows strewn across the entire living room and snack wrappers in places you’re not sure how they landed.

By the time you’re done and spritzed the place with some of your nicer perfumes, your taking the loaf out of the oven and on a rack to cool.

Ever the punctual man, you hear the doorbell ring just as your taking your oven mitts off.

Hoping you’ve done enough to your apartment to save yourself from embarrassment, you collect yourself and open the door for him through your ringcam. He’s barely through when your rushing towards your doorway.

“Hi!”

“Hey,” he grunts as he tries to slip off his shoes.

“‘aight, where’s my cake?” he demands once he’s done giving you a quick hug.

You roll your eyes and usher him to the kitchen, “First of all, appreciate how excited you are to see me, and second, its banana bread not cake, sorry to burst your bubble”

He responds to your grumbling with an “Oh come on, you can't put freshly baked goods on the agenda and expect me to pay particular attention to anything else”.

He has his trademarked grin and cheesy stare out on display like its nobody’s business, you want to slap it off of him in the most loving way possible, but you settle with a tiny “shut up”.

“I brought warm coffee this time, thought it’d go better” He sets the to-go carrier on the kitchen counter, following you to where you were attempting to slice the still hot banana bread on a tray.

“Oh, that was a good idea” you say.

“Where’re your plates and forks?” he asks, pulling out the drawers and cabinets you signal to.

It all felt too domestic for your weak heart to handle. Not to say it didn’t warm you to the core how comfortable he felt in your space, you did, more than you’d care to admit. But he needed to tone it down before you required an organ transplant.

You were seated on the floor, butts parked on floor cushions, backs against the couch. The coffee table held all of your goods while you both argued on which movie to watch.

“I can’t believe you haven’t watched any of the Harry Potter movies! No, we’re watching philosopher’s stone, I don’t care!” You shout in disbelief, already typing it into the search bar on the TV.

“Philly-philo- bro I can’t even pronounce it why would I watch that?!” He yells back, snatching the remote from you.

You’re both a giggling, screaming mess on the floor as you keep trying to steal the remote from each other, not stopping until one of you bumps into the table and you almost spill hot coffee all over yourselves.

You decide to call a truce and pick another movie entirely.

Just as you’re pressing play, Mingyu takes a bite of the still (surprisingly) warm banana bread and you watch as his eyes roll to the back of his head.

“This is so good” He says, his faced furrowed as he goes in for another bite. “Did you lace this with something, why is this so good?”

You’re biting back a snarky remark but you let it rip anyway; “It’s cuz these pretty hands made it”

You splay your hands out in front of your face, like your showing him your rings, fingers wiggling and a cheeky smile on your face.

He looks unimpressed as he scoffs. He swallows before saying: “At least you didn’t call the secret ingredient love or something”

“Excuse you, I’m pretty sure I heard you say that in some Gose episode” You remark.

He turns to you, all smug: “So your saying you watch Gose? Like, regularly?”

You immediately turn away from his taunting smirk, “Sometimes, if it shows up on my home page”

You take a sip of your latte before he asks you another sweat producing question.

“Oh, but you pay attention to me the most don’t you? Don’t you?”

He’s poking fun at you, you know that. But a paranoid part of you can’t help but think he’s onto you and your feelings.

So you say something maybe a little bit below the belt.

“You sure have a knack for seeking validation from the world when you have a partner already giving that to you”

The words tumble out of your mouth before you know it. In your defence, you're doing this for a greater cause, but it's still a relief when you see him comically gasp, hand to his diaphragm.

“Just because your alone in life, doesn’t mean you need to be salty about other people receiving actual love” He spits back.

Your sputtering trying to think of a response. Deserved.

He grabs a slice of the bread and shoves into your mouth to shut you up once and for all. You’re left chewing the mouthful and staring at him in shock.

He giggles and takes a sip of coffee, satisfied with himself. When he sets it down he opens his mouth to speak. Closes it again, like he re-evaluating, and finally decides to say something. He’s serious now.

“Ji Eun and I, decided it wasn’t gonna work out between us”.

Oh.

“Oh.”

He blows a raspberry and lets out a meek laugh.

“Yeah, oh. It’s whatever, it wasn’t meant to work out. Better sooner than later.”

You’re trying to find the words to reply or comfort him.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You ask him, being careful to not lace your voice with pity, but more neutral and open. “You don’t have to, obviously, but it might be better to talk about what’s bothering you”

He pauses for a moment before starting.

“She wasn’t sitting very well with the idea that she had to share me. Like at all. She wouldn’t say it but she’d get mildly infuriated when I’d blow the fans a kiss or something, or interacted with the staff too much. I was getting home quite late certain days during comeback season and I’d find her outside the dorm at like 11 PM. It was embarrassing when all of the other members would see her there, obviously upset and basically yelling at me for, for - for literally just doing my job.I guess all the smaller things just started piling and she couldn’t take it. I tried so hard to make sure she felt wanted and secure in the relationship but nothing felt like it was ever enough. She was evasive or confrontational all at the wrong times and it came to a point- its a horrible thought to have in a relationship - but I was terrified she’d do something rash and I’d wake up to my face on articles for some reason - again”

You recollected the past couple years when Mingyu was thrown around in the media for a new accusation seemingly everyday. You weren’t involved with anything regarding the industry back then, but you’d heard enough news to be aware of what was happening.

Your heart swelled with sadness as you heard him talk, he sounded like he was trying- trying hard to be good enough. All for a person who seemed to have their priorities set somewhere else.

“She was amazing; kind and happy and confident. She treated my parents with respect, she was best friends with my sister. I know we only lasted like 3 months but at some point I really considered that she could be the one. But then the problems started and I realized she was only becoming an added factor to stress and anxiety for me more than anything else.

“I liked her because she was so family oriented, and I thought that was what would fit me because I’m like that too. But, I guess I’m just a different kind of oriented? I don’t know. I have a job that’s both interpersonal and unpredictable. There’s days where I don’t wanna get up and do work but I still love it nonetheless. I guess she just expected me to have a predictable, stable 9 to 5. Home in time for dinner, not requiring interaction with too many people; basically everything I can’t be.”

He’s silent for a moment.

You start talking after a couple beats.

“I really hope you aren’t taking this like it’s your fault. She made a choice to put up with your work, knowing how it would be for the both you. You tried your best but she made you feel like your best wasn’t good enough. I dunno about you, but that sounds like a really problematic conclusion. If she truly cared for you and what you love, she would never have been this unsupportive or not understanding”.

He’s listening to you, his expression is blank but you can tell he’s absorbing your words.

“I’d like to think I had realized that. But being completely honest, I’m not really sure when my thoughts go back to me thinking I’m the problem all the time.”

He manages a smile, a wide one, as he looks up to make eye contact with you; “But I know it’ll take me some time to really start believing that it’s not entirely my fault. We just weren’t compatible, and that’s fine. We left on good terms, and I’m happy about that.”

You smile with him as he finishes, but your a little confused when he starts sliding closer and down the cushions.

He sets his head on your shoulder.

You may have shortcircuited right then and there.

“Is this okay?” he asks you quietly, attention finally diverted to the half played movie.

You realise he asked you a question and you have to answer.

“Yeah, this is fine” You breathe out, somehow, by the graces of God himself.

No, you weren’t fine at all. You felt like the universe had flipped a faulty switch, mixed up the scripts, lost the plot, something. But as you get used to the weight of Mingyu’s head on your shoulder, you pray it won’t come back to haunt you in another chapter.

***

Your routine became inverted in the sense that, what you once had to plan out so intricately, is unfolding with no effort from you at all.

You find that Mingyu waits for you to be done with somebody else so you can do his makeup, instead of sitting on another free chair. He’d come to you specifically to touch up his makeup instead of going to an artist he saw closer to him. He never forgot to get you a coffee whenever it was that he saw you.

Mingyu hadn’t slept over that night, instead leaving in his car despite the 1 AM drizzle and your insistence for him to stay until the pour recedes.

Maybe it was better for you that he hadn’t stayed that night. Something about how you grew so close ‘organically’ made you feel like this wasn’t all in your head, that he’s choosing to be your friend.

You’re handing him his clothes as he begins to change, using the excuse to whisper to him;

“I was gonna try a new brownie recipe tonight, if you’re free you can come over?”

“I think I have somewhere to be after this but I’m free after, How’s 6?”

So there you are, back in your kitchen folding chocolate chunks into your brownie batter while waiting for Mingyu to get here.

Your phone dings from the island and you check to see a message from Mingyu sending you what looked like a grocery list; pasta, oregano, garlic…

[Mingyu]: Tell me what you don’t have from this

[Mingyu]: I’m at the store rn hurry up

You send him a list of what you don’t have, realising he intended to have dinner with you too.

[Mingyu]: k thanks

[Mingyu]: be there in like an hour

There’s a warm feeling that’s swelling in your chest, that makes you wanna punch a wall because your so happy. You choose self control, mostly because this apartment is on a lease but also you’d probably break your knuckles trying to punch anything harder than a foam mat.

By the time Mingyu’s here, the brownies are in the oven and you’re almost done with the icing. He unpacks the groceries (and the warm lattes) he bought while you finish up, confirming that he was trying a new pasta recipe tonight. Setting the brownies and coffee down on your usual coffee table, you decide wait a couple hours before starting on making dinner, instead choosing to hear him ramble about an idol he met at an award show.

“So, we start talking before we’re ready to go up- you weren’t there you were working on wonwoo’s makeup- and he starts complimenting me and so obviously I start complimenting him back”

He’s waving his arms around, and setting positions with coasters on the table trying to explain the setting.

“He asks me if I have a sister and I’m like… yes? Which I should’ve realised where this was going because he then” - he pauses to take a deep breath - “this absolute asshat decides it’d be funny to ask me for her number because apparently ‘if you’re this hot, I’m sure any sibling you have is too’ BRO, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT - how are laughing at this?!”

You calm yourself down for a second to clarify, “NO! It’s just hilarious how he thought that was okay to say”

You’re still still giggling in shock when Mingyu calms down, now also laughing incredulously.

“But actually though, please tell me you smacked him” you manage.

“I would have,” he grumbles “I got called to fix my hair cuz I ruined it or something”.

“Oh well, now you know who to avoid next time,” you say as you guide a bite of brownie into his mouth, “Forget about it now, eat sugar, it’ll help”

He chews a bit before swallowing, all while you’re watching him with an endeared smile on your face.

“Y’know, I really thought you didn’t like me when you first joined the team”

You pause mid sip of your coffee, brows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“You never really talked me, did you? You were friendly with the rest of them but it just seemed like you never wanted to enter a room if you saw me there”

You’re looking at him in utter shock, this man was mistaking your avoidant (yet also pushy) teenage crush behaviour for dislike.

He’s looking at you expectantly, a little pout on his face.

“I never disliked you, why would you think that? I promise everything was a coincidence, it was nothing like that”

“Don’t get so defensive, kinda obvious you like me now if not before” He laughs at your panicked expression.

He meant platonic like.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that though, I’ve been told I have a pretty serious resting bitch face, it’s gotten me in trouble before” she smile sheepishly.

“It’s fine, you made up for it with that first banana bread” He says before taking another bite of brownie, “Could use more chocolate chunks”

You snort before pushing him with a sock clad foot, “Appreciate me even giving them to you” 

You fall back to the adjacent sofa.

It’s quiet for a moment. But you feel like something’s shifted in the air.

You watch as he brings his hand to the same foot, holding onto your ankles. He’s caressing the exposed skin with his fingers, moving them back and forth. His eyes are glued to yours, looking like he’s in a trance. You’re not sure how to register this new change in mood, suddenly feeling like you need to turn the aircon on during the bleak Seoul winter. Just as you're hoping you don’t start sweating, you feel his vice grip on your ankle pull your leg over with a sharp tug. You scream as you lose support of the sofa and fall back.

You sit up in shock to find him leaning with his elbows on the floor, cackling like madman.

“Mingyu, what the fuck?”

“You-” He stops to laugh again, “You should’ve seen your face, PLEASE, it was hilarious”.

You huff before getting up shoving his shoulder with your foot again, “You’ve been playing guest a little too long, maybe it’s time you get started on that pasta”

“Will I be blessed enough to be receiving her highness’s help?” He asks.

He looks like a dream, clad in his T-shirt because he claims he doesn’t get cold. Hands behind him on the floor to give him support as he stares up at you, smiling wide. He’s looking at you with eyes full of stars and glitter.

You muster up the courage to give him a nasty glare, to which he huffs at and gets up, “Such a meanie”.

It’s hard to conceal your smile as his back his turned, sachaying towards the kitchen. You want to slap him and kiss him at the same time.

Your washing veggies in the sink when you turn around catch sight of his back as he stood at the kitchen island, sorting the rest of the ingredients. You get the same overwhelming feeling in your chest again, assuming you’re deluding yourself into thinking this is what life could be like with him. In less than 3 seconds, you’ve conjured a timeline of domestic routines, to wind down with him like this every evening.

You’re still lost in thought, still incessantly staring when he turns around and catches you in the act. He does the rude thing and snaps his fingers in front of your face to pull you out of your thoughts, “You okay?”

“Yeah” You say trying to gloss it over while busying yourself trying to find your cutting board.

“Are you sure? Do you wanna sit down at the island and watch me instead. You don’t have to help -”

“Pick a knife, and shut up dingus, it’s fine”

Once your both done eating and cleaning up, Mingyu hugs you goodbye, not before asking if you’d be free for lunch next week before he got busy the following month. You quickly agree, setting a date and time, bidding your (reluctant) farewells.

***

Once back in your apartment you realize how you can’t clean up to distract yourself because Mingyu took it upon himself to clear the space with you before he left. You sigh loudly and retire into your bedroom where you don’t have to think about how empty your living room is.

Changing into your pajamas and putting a headband on, you don’t even feel like turning your music on to do your night routine. You double cleanse, tone, serum, acid and moisturise your face with added purposefulness, taking note of the crevices of your nose and the neglected bottom of your chin. Taking extra time to make sure all of the foam is out of your skin before drying your face with a tissue.

You look at your fed skin in the mirror, and feel a weird surge of tears well in your eyes. Before they can fall you slam your bathroom cabinet to busy yourself to find your melatonin gummies, shoving them in your mouth before switching off the bathroom light and retiring to your bedroom.

Slipping the headband off and sliding into bed, you’re still chewing your gummies to a paste in your mouth. Trying not to notice how heavy you’re breathing you try to find your white noise machine, the one you found advertised for infants, and turn it on before grabbing your book to read for a few extra minutes.

Your staring at the pages like you found them to be blank. You’re phone dings next to you, signalling a notification.

Picking it up you find your mental health app sending you a daily reminder.

You’re allowed to feel your emotions.

***

Winter had run its course as you find yourself in April. You never really liked the cold, having been more sensitive to a gust of wind than the average joe, you were better suited to sitting with an aircon instead of being unable to move in the middle of Korea’s January cold rush. But alas, the cherries are blossoming and your fingers have defrosted.

That isn’t what’s on your mind right now though, as you’re standing in a Sephora, arms crossed and shoulders tense. You loved shopping for makeup, but you mostly chose to do it online unless you really had to otherwise. Parking yourself in the perfume section with the scents mixing together a cocktail of nosehair doom, you really wish you’d worn a face mask. Not to mention the migraine inducing coloured lights and mainstream pop playing in the background (you swear they’ve been playing Side to Side by Ariana Grande on loop since you got here).

These were all, however, peripheral observations for you, as you stare in absolute pneumonic shock at the number written on the price tag of the perfume you’re looking at.

Now, Mingyu is a man of class, high maintenance if you will. You’re well aware he likes to spoil himself, because he has a bank account to back it up.

Your bank account is definitely full and secure, but not enough for you to justify dropping what seems like half of its contents to something only one of the five senses can experience.

Mingyu mentioned in passing how he wanted this perfume a while ago, and knowing that he hadn’t ordered it for himself just yet, you decide to be the amazing friend that you are and surprise him for his birthday.

You may be regretting that right now, but you tentatively pick up the blue, crystalline bottle and spritz a bit on a paper strip before taking a whiff. It smelled good, that’s for sure, and it suited him too. So when the saleslady came to offer assistance, after you excused the last three, you decide you’re going to do this for him.

“Yes, could I have this in the box please?”

Walking back to your car you feel a bount of jitter run through you,

Oh, he’s gonna freak out when he sees this.

He did, in fact, freak when he saw it, and his reaction made you want to give him all of the good things in the world if you could see him like this all the time.

He’s smiling ear to ear and speaking in that high pitched voice that he gets when he’s excited. He’s thanking you over and over again, smoothing the box over in his hands repeatedly, looking at the ‘from: y/n :p’ with hearts in his eyes.

“I’m gonna save this for the rest of my life” he says, with determination and a goofy grin.

You snort at the declaration, “Sure, bud”

“I’m serious. What, you wanna bet?” he replies, taking a sip of his, latte, which you proudly credit yourself for swerving him over from Americano’s.

He insisted on going out to eat at this fancy French place a day before his actual birthday as he’d be busy on the day of, but it was risky for him to be seen eating out alone with a young woman at such a fancy place. You settled for a nicer traditional Korean restaurant, that allowed you to book a room away from possible prying eyes and one that you were both comfortable with. You decided to wait till you were back in the car with your post dinner coffee’s to give him his present.

“I’m giving you 3 months before that bottle’s dry to the dregs” You affirmed, “You smell like you empty half a bottle of something off your dresser everyday anyways”

You said it as an insult, but jokes on you because you loved the way he smelled.

“Fine, I’m gonna use this so carefully I’m not replacing it for at least a year”

“A year? What happened to the rest of your life?” you refute.

“I have you for that, don’t I”

What the fuckity fuck.

He’d turned to you, leaning on the headrest, that signature cheesy look; like he was in love or something. Voice dropping a couple octaves as he said it, laced with something defined and strong - enough for it to feel like the weight of an elephant had dropped on your chest.

You gather yourself after looking at him for a couple seconds, jaw unhinged and forgotten on the floor of his car. You chose to grab your cardigan that was neatly folded on the dash, and astral project it to his face across the seat. He’s laughing so hard there’s tears glistening in the corner of his eyes. He falls forward and you see strands of his hair fall to his face, he’d been growing them out.

“Shut up” you grumble in your seat, annoyed at how easy it was for him to send your heart through and beyond your chest.

He’s still giggling like a school girl, and you cave and give him a hint of a smile.

“There it iiiis” He announces, grabbing your face and smushing your cheeks together.

For a moment, he stops to look at you like this, like he’s contemplating. For one, brain rattling, organ exploding, microsecond, you think he might even kiss you.

Instead, he headbutts you slightly rubbing his head swiftly before letting go.

“I might need to wash my hands, I think I got your makeup on me” He mumbles, looking at his hands like a child with mud soaked palms.

“Serves you right, you buffoon,” You remark as you pull out your trusty travel pack of makeup wipes.

Yanking one out of the tab, you pull his hand over and try to wipe the remnants of foundation off, starting from the heel up to each individual finger. It’s silent as you concentrate on getting it all off both hands, he was wearing black tonight and knowing him he’d rub his hand over his pants and get beige foundation all over. You knew because you’d seen him do it one too many times.

“All done” you quip, looking up and catching his stare. He’s smooth to slowly look away and retract his open hands from your lap about 5 seconds after it became noticeable.

You busy yourself by attempting to stash away the wipes to throw out later, closing the pack of wipes and shoving them back into your bag.

He’s watching you do all of this, his stare is burning holes into the side of your head. He’s desperate to say something, but you’re not sure if you want to hear.

“Let’s go back to my place. We’ll stick a candle into a sheet brownie and call it your birthday cake. Oh, we can pick up ice cream too!”, You say, costuming your voice to sound unaffected by his vibe.

And so you did stick a candle in the fresh batch of brownies you both made at 11PM, two hours before his actual birthday. Sitting across from each other on the counter, Mingyu has his eyes closed shut, hands clasped, wearing a ridiculously coloured ‘BIRTHDAY BOY’ headband you found somewhere deep in your drawers.

“You’re gonna get wax on the brownies and they're gonna be inedible, hurry up” You groan, after everytime it seems like he’s done, he clenches his eyes shut again as he remembers another thing he has to wish for.

You’re not actually annoyed, he looks the cutest he’s ever looked, but you would appreciate non waxed brownies.

When he’s finally done, he blows out the singular candle and you clap lightly, “yay!”

You’re pulling out the candle and grabbing forks, dumping a couple scoops of ice cream on before you two start eating straight out of the pan.

Its a collection of groans as you both collapse on your couch, regretting eating all that so soon after dinner. He changed out of his dinner outfit to a T-shirt and pajama pants, he’d started keeping a set of clothes in his car when it started to become routine for him to spend regular  evenings after work at your place.

You’re in your own unicorn pajama’s, slumped over on the arm rest slightly. You feel Mingyu scooch over to put his head in your lap, claiming he was “closing his eyes for a minute”.

You knew how lightning fast he passes out, so not even 5 minutes later you start to hear his light snores. As much as you want to wake him up to move him to the bed, you know he can’t stay the night. His birthday meant he had to be with the boys, and needing to head out early tomorrow.

So you give him 10 more minutes, fingers tracing the shape of his features, in his soft hair massaging his head with your nails slightly. He had a little pout on his face as he slept. Things had been hectic for him lately, having a comeback later in the month and the plethora of music and variety shows to follow.

Mingyu had been writing lyrics on the kitchen island one day, sputtering random words as you quipped in rhymes of your own without context, stirring the pot of soup on the hob at the same time.  

One particular rhyme you spew out catches him off guard and he barks out a laugh at the ridiculous combination.

“I should put you on song credits for this”

“What do you think my producer name could be?”

He thinks for a second, “Banana bread sounds stupid, um, how’s brownie?”

“Cute, and serious enough” you agree, “I’ll be expecting to see my name on that album, sir”

Snapping out of your thoughts, you turn your attention back to the sleeping man curled up in your lap. You wonder if you could fall asleep on the couch too, keep him here with you for the night. Be a little selfish. It’d be nice, making waffles for breakfast when morning comes. But he needed to be at the dorm in the morning, the boys knew where he was but managers that’d come pouring in at 7 AM sharp, did not. And it was best kept that way. The last thing Mingyu wanted, you knew, was people getting the wrong idea. The thought stung a little bit, but you knew not to mix your hopes with what reality was giving you.

So you gather the courage to slowly reign him back from dreamland.

***

Your sitting with Mingyu and Seungkwan on the couches outside the dressing rooms, a little bit before they have to go to perform. You were done with your agenda and was waiting for them to start filing out before beginning to pack up.

“No, because why does he get to eat all the good stuff right out the oven and we don’t, that’s not fair” Seungkwan complained loudy to you, a mildly offended look on his face.

“Stop being such a complain bot, you’re never happy if I have nice things” Mingyu retorts, increasingly nasty looks being exchanged for an argument about freshly baked goods.

“Oh, I’m the hater?! Let me jog your memory, who was the one sulking and shoving me around when Y/n wouldn’t let you-”

Mingyu had jumped up and pulled Seungkwan into a headlock, his poor Americano half flying across the hall as he yells out in disarray.

“YAH!” cued with more noises of struggle and muffled threats.

You chose to embrace the violence by sitting in your seat and laughing as Vernon recorded their antics from the doorway inside eventually circing them for his supposed cinematic effect, catered for the inevitable weverse post that was to come.

Cut to them apologizing and cleaning up the mess of coffee and disregard.

You decide to be nice and attempt to make peace by reassuring Seungkwan, “Come over after you’re done promoting this week, I’ll make up for all the bread and cookies you missed out on”

“If you've finished with your escort duties Y/n, could you please come in and do your day job?”

The voice came from the doorway of the dressing room, your senior makeup artist standing there with her usual mildly inconvenienced expression. It took you a minute to fully understand what she meant by that sentence, your body completely still.

“Offended? What, like I’m wrong?”

You were no stranger to insulting behaviour in work places, but they’d always been revolving around your actual job description. People who didn’t like you knew they had to be smart on how they treated you regardles.

This was different. This felt like you were projected back in time to your solemn middle school days to mean girls taunting you about your spongebob socks, except multiply that by about a thousand.

You feel your stomach begin to churn as that nauseous feeling of shame began to settle itself into your veins.

You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting there but when she slightly raises her voice; “Are you getting up or not?” your hands actively begin to tremble the slightest amount.

You’re making moves to get up by puting your coffee cup down, not knowing what to do except follow commands.

Your interrupted by a voice from behind; “She’s coming in, give us a minute”

Mingyu’s standing there, his expression stoic as Seungkwan and Vernon looked as stunned as you felt. You don’t register it in the moment, but the people in the hall, venue staff and those for other artists have also silenced, watching the scene unfold.

Her lips are in a tight line, her expression remaining irritated as she steps back inside the room.

You realise you need to do something to diffuse the escalated situation. Letting out a breathy laugh, you get up and tell them that you’ll be going inside, trying to keep your expression pleasant and unaffected, not waiting before turning around to spare them the burden of a response. People get yelled at everyday, and this is no different. You aren’t gonna be the one to make a scene out of a regular occurrence.

You know what's coming when you get inside, she’s waiting as she pulls you aside.

“Your behavior has been quite concerning recently, let me remind you of your place here and what you were hired to do. You've been dilly dallying with people who aren't even your friends, and its quite funny that you’d think they are. It's time to wake up from wasting your time making heart eyes at men who are way out of your league. I won't tolerate any more nonsense from you, and trust I won’t be this nice or forgiving the next time this happens”

You choose to nod your head.

“That’s another thing, use your own words. Don’t think other people are gonna be there all the time to speak for you” She spits out, her professional front slowly eroding the more she spoke.

“Yes, ma’am” You say, hoarse voice.

“Louder, next time”, she stalks out as majority of the people in the room also begin to leave for the filming downstairs.

You’re left standing awkwardly in front of the racks of clothes, trying to digest what just happened to you. Looking around the room, you try to figure out what your supposed to do.

Clothes on the couches, eyeshadow brushes on the floor. There’s a torn sponge resting underneath one of the chairs, a couple styrofoam boxes left on the tables from lunch.

There’s so much for you to do, you arent sure how you thought you had time to sit down and chat. But you’re not sure where to begin either. The room is a mess of smells and colours even without the buzzing noise of people getting ready. Tears begin to form as you try to navigate what you’re supposed to do, realising you can’t possibly find a starting point for any of this mess. Before you have time to think of anything else, a hand is holding onto your wrist, small and soft.

It’s Yoona, another one of the makeup artists.

“Y/n, I think it’s best if you go home, it’s been tiring.”

“But-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll handle her. Just trust me. Go home you’ll feel alot better”

She notices you hesitate for a second, and goes in to give you a hug.

It felt nice, to be hugged by a friend. For some reason, it didn’t feel like she was pitying you, her expression and aura reassuring you that you didn’t have to stand here alone.

“Whatever happened today shouldn't have happened, but you don’t need to think about that right now. Go home and do nice things for yourself, we’ll figure it out later. You have my number, give me a text once you get home. We can go out later if you want, when I get off work, to get your mind off things”

You’re not sure how you’re holding back the waterpark that has become of your tearducts as you hear those words from an unsuspecting friend, you nod with a smile. You feel a little more calm.

You can’t tell if you care enough to consider the consequences of your senior finding out how you’re doubling or nothing on your already posed humiliation. But the only thing you can think of right now is your bed and the ceiling you’d stare burn holes into.

So you, for the first time in a while, chose to choose yourself by picking up your satchel and leaving the chaos behind you as you walk to your car.

***

Just because you were brave where it mattered most doesn’t mean you weren’t allowed to cry.

You had come home, shot Yoona a brief text, and promptly began to sob the absolute Nile into your sheets.

You had never cried like this before, loud wracked sobs coming from a place in your chest you had locked away during a time you couldn’t even remember. You’re breathing after every choked cry is a sputtered intake of life, only to spit it back out as you let out another sob of what sounds like agony. There’s nothing in your head, nothing but the words that were spoken to you as echoes of your own mind. Hypocritical of you to hate them when the same words circled in your head like a mantra every cursed, unfortunate day. She had done you a favour, by spitting out the truth you’d stewed, chewed and kept in your mouth ever since you got here. This was a you problem, to believe that you were capable of things beyond your bracket. You were told by the universe, screamed at by the world, that this was never meant for you, and you chose to ignore it. You chose to be stubborn. You brought this misery upon yourself.

Once you’ve disposed your body weight of tears and snot and burden, you’re left to stare at your innocent sheets now stained with mascara and your sorrows. You crawl into your covers and rest your muscles for a few seconds, head empty. You aren’t sure when you drift off, but you're glad that you do.

You don’t dream for once.

***

You wake up feeling like you drank a gallon of water and went to sleep. Your eyes, nose and throat feel like they’ve been over watered yet dry at the same time. You don’t realise what’s really arising pangs of irritancy in your brain once you figure out the consistent sound is a door bell. You’re doorbell, of the house that you live in.

You’re slow to push yourself up, realising your slept in your day clothes. It’s dark out but you're not sure what time it is, and quite frankly, you can’t say you care enough to check. You need to silence your doorbell first, which can only be done by silencing whatever hell sent individual was playing drums on the button outside.

It’s a record screech in your brain as you peer through your peephole and realise who the aforementioned hell sent individual was.

Mingyu was outside your door.

You don’t realise you look like you crawled out of a sewer till it’s too late and you’ve already opened the door through muscle memory. Mingyu was always welcome in your space.

He was in casual clothes, his hair pushed back from the guessed hands that ran through it, but he was still in stage his stage makeup.  

“Oh, were you sleeping?” He asks, eyes a little wide, expression cautious.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go then, you weren’t answering your phone for anyone and you told Yoona you were home but you weren’t opening the door, i was worried. Sorry I ringed it so much I probably should’ve assumed-”

He stops to look at you, and it’s like realizes something before he finally says; “Just wanted to make sure you were okay, I’ll see you around. I’ll leave you alone”

“Wait,” you croak out, licking your lips, conscious of your morning voice, “Can you stay? Please? If you can.”

He stops to look at you, expression changing from sheepish to defensive.

“No! I mean, yes. Yes. I’ll stay. I’ll stay for as long as you want”

You let him in as he slips off his shoes and you lead him to the living room. His presence in the familiar place seems like it last happened eras ago, when he was only here maybe a week prior.  

“You know where everything is, I’ll be back gimme like 5 minutes”

You’re scared to look at yourself in your bathroom mirror, so you don’t, and choose to scrub your face looking down at your sink. You change into a sweatshirt and trouser loungewear set, deciding to save your dignity a little bit further as you brush your hair and clip it back with a claw clip.

You take a breath before entering the living room again.

He’s sitting on the floor in your usual place, two steaming mugs on the coffee table, the tabs hanging out of the cup. He made you tea.

You sit down next to him, not really prepared for what you should be saying.

“How long has she been speaking to you like that?” He asks you quietly.

“She was always kinda itchy and uptight and stuff but, it was never like this” You say.

“Regardless, whatever that was, it was, wrong, uncalled for, all of those things” He says, sputtering a little bit.

He stops and sighs. It’s silect for a minute before he turns in his seat to face you, grabbing your folded legs and pulling you to face him too.

“Yoona heard everything she said to you after you went in, she heard it all. And she knows about some other stuff too. If you think, even for a second, that I’m not your friend, I might actually think there’s something wrong with you.

“If everything we’ve been through this past, almost a year, doesn’t amount to us at least being friends then I don’t know what it means to have one at all. You’re the first person in a while I’ve been able to be this open with. You know me better than most people, you’ve seen me at my worst and at my best. I’ve let you read me all you want, because I know I can be an open book if it’s you. I trust you more than I can trust myself sometimes, and I really wish you would trust me too.”

You’re watching him as he says all of this, you look up to make eye contact a couple times, and he’s looking at you everytime you lift your head.

“I do trust you. Probably more than anyone else. It’s myself I don’t trust. It’s hard for me to open up, I’m scared I’m gonna say something that’ll scare you away. And, I just thought maybe she was right today, that I need to realise that it can’t be that way between us, I have a job to do”

“What can’t be between us?”

“I like you, Mingyu. Like, I’m basically in love with you and have been since I fucking met you. I couldn’t believe that you could possibly be friends with someone like me, a confused, all over the place airhead who can’t tell right from left sometimes, forget you ever liking me. All that happened is that we became friends and I thought that this was as far as fate was gonna push us. All today told me was that … that was an overextension too. It was a wake up call that I can’t have everything in life. Things were going too well for us and I was letting myself think it could stay that way forever. I’m sorry for being this way, I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable and out of place. This is the last thing you’d want to hear from a friend and I’m sorry I’m putting you in this situation right now and that you had to go through that today-”

You don’t finish what your saying because you're interrupted. Interrupted by arms pulling you forward and into Mingyu in front of you.

Your both sitting in your living room at 3 AM, on the floor in front of your sofa like you both have so many times. Except now, Mingyu is holding you in his arms, and kissing you so delicately it hurts.

It’s warm, like getting into bed after a long day, the scent of home and security engulfing you as you begin to forget about the qualms of life.

He’s moving his lips slowly, with care and a feeling so overflowing you can’t describe.

He lets go slowly and rests his forehead against yours, his arms are around you tight, legs wrapped around your entire body so you can't escape - physically or mentally.

“You dumbass” You hear him say.

“I love you,Y/n. More than anything. And I need you to know that you don’t have to hide. If you think your thoughts are a burden then I want to carry it for you. I want you to realise you’re not alone. I want you to stop pushing me away. Everytime I want to do something nice for you, you try to push the effort to something else, everytime I try to take care of you, you have this look that makes me think you feel guilty for taking up my time or something. Everytime I think you’re about to ask me to stay the night, you remind me I have priorities and I should go, even though I know you want me to stay with you. I want you to stop caring so much for how other people feel and realise you can demand the same from the universe too. You deserve love and to be treated with care. You need to let people do that for you, love.”

Your looking at him now, your turn to have stars in your eyes.

He loves you.

And you feel it. You feel it in his words, in his eyes, in the kisses he’s leaving on your face, in his arms that are wrapped around you, ready to shield you from the world.

You don’t say anything as you fall into his chest, head on shoulder, relaxed body in the cage he’s made for you. You close your eyes as the tears are burning down your face. Except, this time they’re because your relieved.

You both got up from the uncomfortable floor and moved to your bed, still tangled within each other as you clarified everything else.

You found out that majority of the people who heard it were very upset at the situation, but didn’t know how to approach or confront her.

Seungkwan almost bust a blood vessel after he had digested what had happened, disbelief and threats on his tongue as he refused to get touched up by her during filming, apparently making a point to walk to somebody else. Seungcheol was thinking of trying to bring up the problem to management, considering how Mingyu too was distracted all the way home.

“The rest of them have gotten quite protective of you too, I think. It’s not like I shut up about you”

Apparently the only reason you were asked to start taking charge on makeup was because some of the other senior artists pressured your mentor to stop restricting you. It made you feel a little more secure that it wasn’t just you that felt pushed down.

She didn’t like that you were doing so well, considering it meant she was wrong about you and your abilities. It hurt her ego a little bit that people stopped preferring her to do their makeup or their touchups, how they wouldn’t interact with her the same way.

“Alot coming from a middle aged, married woman, attention seeking like a child” Mingyu added, scoffing with a sour face as he nuzzled into the crown of your head.

“The boys really like you by the way, they’ve been rooting for us since forever” He says, and your heart swells unimaginably so; you felt loved, so so loved.

You scooch up to plant a kiss on the underside of his chin and then one on his lips.

“That makes me happy”

“I’m happy that you’re happy. You deserve to be happy, everyday” He smooches you on the face again. “Oh, and don’t worry about that stinky face I’ll take care of her”

You laugh at the determination in his voice, but you wanted to clarify something.

“Please, let me handle her myself. I’ll ask for help if she’s stubborn but I wanna try by myself first”

“That was hot”

You push his chest away as you bark out a laugh at the random comment, hiding you face, by turning the other way.

He battles that by pull you back into his chest and continuing his atics

“What I can’t call my girlfriend hot. You’re hot. Your the sexiest motherfucker I’ve ever seen” smooch “You’re beautiful” and again  “amazing” and again “gorgeous spectacular-”

You don’t fall asleep until the sun has well made its way up the sky, taking the executive decision to sleep in till way past lunch and maybe even take a nap afterwards.

You don’t care how it goes, because your happy just being with him.

***

You met with Yoona a couple days later at a cafe.

“Seungcheol asked us if we were facing the same kind of behaviour from her too. And everyone told him she was stuck up and rude and stuff. He said he wanted to bring it up to management but it didn’t really concern him directly so they wouldn’t listen. He told us to do so ourselves and we thought about it, but we’re gonna need to tell them about that too”

You nod your head as you listen to her speak, it was making sense.

“I dont mind going up to management at all and talking about it. I get that the rest of the stuff is a little too tame to be considered, which sucks because she shouldn’t be talking to us like that at all”

“Mhm, and I was thinking we could vouch for you on how she was restraining you for almost a year. Basically not letting you do your job. That’d be a another thing for them to think about”

“Yeah. Let’s do it asap, how’s this Monday?”

“Perfect, I’ll add everyone to a group chat and let them know”

And go up to management you did, who were surprisingly understanding. Apparently having received multiple reports and even videos of the most recent incident to act as proof. It was working out for all of you, and it proved to stay that way as they responded with a promise to shift her to a different department.

You had gone home that day feeling fulfilled and relieved. Mingyu, a man with spectacular timing had also proceeded to send you a text as a distraction,

[Mingyu]: Kwan wants to come over

[Mingyu]: something about croissants

[Mingyu]: Should he text you ab it?

[You]: yeah ofc

[You]: I’ll order the butter

[You]: you tell him to text me lol

Two nights ago felt like it happened last year with all the unimaginable advances deciding to happen within the past 48 hours. Right now you were more excited for the company you were about to recieve, more concerned with making sure you made the best batch of croissants Seungkwan ever did see.

***

You were in the car with Mingyu outside the company building, waiting until the clock struck 9 to go inside.

Today was the last day you’d think about this, being called up for a face to face meeting with the staff member, so she could formally apologise. The team had planned a dinner tonight, to celebrate the end of her ‘wicked reign’ as Yoona described it.

You were finding friends everywhere, ones that were always there, pulling through for each other as you yourself navigated a new direction of thinking for yourself. You were learning to walk past your anxiety ridden desire to draw lines with everyone, as you took the first step with the dinner tonight. It would be fun for you, and a bond you’d begin to build.

You learned that you weren’t delusional anymore, and that Mingyu did love you the same. It had only been a week or so, but one of the happiest weeks of your life, despite everything. He was teaching you more lessons than he thought he was.

Mingyu squeezes your hand from the driver’s side as it was past 9, “Let’s go?”

“Lets go”

***

Mingyu’s way too enthusiastic as soon as he wakes up, indulging you in a morning (afternoon) makeout session, claiming he doesn’t care for you morning breath.

“Well I do!” you exclaim, pushing him off with a giggle “About your morning breath, stinky”

He clutches his chest in dramatic offense, “How could you? I thought you loved me”

You respond my projecting a cushion to his face.

“Do you want pancakes or eggs for breakfast?” You ask, legs hanging over the bed.

Mingyu looks up, a wicked glint in his eye, and you immediately know he’s going to say something of no help.

“I want you for breakfast” He says, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you back in bed.

“MINGYU!”

Needless to say, all was well.

#seventeen #carat #svt #svt fluff #svt scenarios #svt imagines #seventeen fluff #mingyu #mingyu fluff #mingyu angst #mingyu fic #mingyu x reader #mingyu imagines #mingyu scenarios #kim mingyu #svt x reader #em.writes

[zhongrin]

with you...

◇ characters ◇ zhongli, al haitham, childe, tighnari, wanderer

◇ tags ◇ fluff, slight angst in zhongli’s i’m sorry i couldn’t resist, childe’s is a little suggestive

◇ a/n ◇ i am so down bad for zhongli (but yall probably know this already huh)

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

…. zhongli knows he could dress in rags and you’d still call him handsome. you’ve called him a variety of names and titles - sweet and silly ones, sensual and sultry ones - and he adores them all, adopts them as part of his identity as the mortal being that is zhongli, and refers back to you with the utmost reverence. he knows he need not resent his former names nor his more brutish appearances, for you’ve seen them past their monstrosity and still sees something beautiful in all of them. you’ve shown him how you’ve embraced him in his entirety; his past and his present, and his future.

with you, he can’t wait to experience your life together.

(- yet he knows every journey has its end, and so he promises himself that he’ll appreciate you every step of the way)

…. al haitham knows he doesn’t need to sugarcoat his words. you already know that he’s straightforward and blunt with his remarks and intentions, yet still, you choose to be with him. it’s not that he can’t “read the room” or “be a little more attentive”; he just doesn’t think he’s fit for the job if praises and reassurances that can barely hold any water are what people want in those situations. he also knows that you understand the nature of his job without him having to spell it out for you; he likes that he can talk or grumble about all the darkest secrets of the akademiya along with all of its forbidden secrets, and you would store it in your memory in a drawer where only he has the key to unlocking them.

with you, he doesn’t need to hold back - be it his words, his secrets, or his love, he knows you’ll accept them all and treasure them gently within your arms.

…. childe knows he can trust you with ajax. the lonely, repressed, forced-to-grow-up-far-too-soon ajax. gone is the fearsome and bloodthirsty eleventh harbinger; every time he sees you, he feels like he’s a child all over again, seeing his favorite toy and snuggling into the comfiest blanket that smells like home. he knows you would indulge his every request, from a head pat to a full-on embrace that lasts for the whole day. from a bite of the cake you’re having to a whole ten-course meal. from a little peck to a make-out session that turns into something more… you continue to spoil him despite your nagging and little exasperated huffs. he thinks it’s very very cute and endearing. sometimes tartaglia thinks he doesn’t deserve you, but ajax has already forgotten a world without you and firmly refuses to let you go with that childish mentality of his.

with you, his haven, childe knows he could be in touch with his child self and be as selfish as he wants in reveling within your love, because it seems like you’ve already long since made your home in his heart and won’t be leaving anytime soon, much to his delight.

…. tighnari knows he can fully indulge in his baser instincts and you’ll let him. you might complain, but your words won’t have any bites on them and your body will support him to let him take as much as he needed. his nesting behaviors should be an oddity in normal humans’ eyes (he can’t help stealing your clothes because the smell of his mate comforts him and helps him sleep, okay, get your mind off the gutter), yet you tell him he’s adorable and ask him if you can join in. the little fangs in his mouth should be something people are wary of (they’re made for rip and tear upon intimidation, a tool made to fight against danger), yet you tap on them whenever he bares his teeth and tells him his ‘little fangies’ are cute. you’re such a weird lummox. and tighnari loves this weird lummox so, so much.

with you, he sees a mate and a partner for life, and while fennec foxes don’t normally enjoy cuddles, he supposes he can make an exception.

….. wanderer knows he can trust you to pull him back to where he needs to be whenever he’s lost. you’ve always been meddlesome and kinder than you should be with scaramouche, and even with his new identity you’re just as nosy, and he’s grateful for it. you know not to take him seriously when he’s just acting like he doesn’t want you around, but you know to put your foot down when he tries to push you away because he’s starting to doubt himself all over again. he knows he’s not the best lover out there - hell, he’s pretty convinced that he's the worst lover in all of teyvat. but you... you stick with him regardless. you pinch his cheeks and kiss his forehead and do all the things that somehow manage to make him blush. he might not be the best lover on teyvat, but he knows that you are. so he’ll keep trying his best, just for you.

with you, his captivating dancing doll, maybe the soldier doll has managed to form a heart before it could burn to ashes after all.

— with you, i know i am where i belong, and i know that i am safe and loved.

© zhongrin | 2023 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

◇ taglist ◇ @thestarsofenkanomiya | @genshinparty | @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sophiethewitch1 | @why-am-i-here-someone-save-me | @sunnshineflxwer | @heartonthemoon | @yuutasbabe | @percyval-archives | @carbs-need-more-love | @rebeccka | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @silentmoths | @niktwazny303 | @dustofthedailylife | @herdrops | @diebischesther | @marina-and-the-memes | @angryhope | @mixed-kester | @shuangxo | @fiannee | @lordbugs | @anonymousficreader | @shizunxie | @ladylofspades | @sup-zfam | @ansy-tea | @irethepotato | @nachotrash

#astronetwrk #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #rin writes #zhongli #zhongli x reader #childe #tartaglia #ajax #childe x reader #al haitham #tighnari #wanderer #al haitham x reader #tighnari x reader #wanderer x reader

[biaonww]

"something about you" rin itoshi based • angst based on not-so-bf trope <3

may contain errors, similar content is coincidental.

watching rin itoshi’s match is always mesmerizing. he shines in destroying things that are close to him.

it’s complete monstrosity when he plays, which is the complete opposite of his brother sae’s gameplay. 

a completely calculated person, while rin is a monster. 

but still—

why does rin still shine so much?

why does he stand out the most in your eyes, as if he was a twinkling star in the sky you would wish on?

why is he so captivating, yet always out of your hand?

bothered by your thoughts, rin wins his match. of course, another easy win for him. 

… but its noisy. it hurts your ears. 

announcers announcing his win.. interviewers excitingly waiting for him to get out of the stadium and start asking him questions… the horn sounds and people shrieking….

but everything goes quiet when he manages to find you straight away. 

no matter how many people are in the stalls—

his eyes always seem to capture you.

those beautiful eyes that could even challenge a diamonds beauty.

but there he is again, confusing you. 

he’s looking at you pleadingly, right after he scored the last shot.

shouldn’t he be focused on the crowd, and the way they scream his name in joy?

did he maybe finally realize that he left you mesmerized every single time?

did he maybe finally realize that you were always admiring him from afar?

or will he push you away again when he gives you mixed signals?

you sigh thinking of it, so you stand up, going to the exit of the stadium.

but once you finally reach the corridor, you see rin. 

so you pause from walking, while he jogs towards you.

“you should celebrate your win, itoshi.” you remark. 

“don’t call me itoshi.” he says in a tone that sounds like he’s still trying to catch his breath, while gripping your arm tightly.

(but of course, not in a way that would hurt you. he wouldn’t want that.). 

“i think it is only proper of me to call you itoshi. considering you never let me see what’s under your disguise.”

“i said don’t call me itoshi.”

“fine then.”

“— you know what, rin? i actually think it’s better if you keep pushing me away.”

“i mean i don’t know if you’re just another unreachable dream, or a one-in-a-million person i can achieve.”

“but i also don’t know if you’ll destroy me. which i’m scared of.”

“after all, you said everything that grows close to you soon tears down.”

you look at the floor, eyes slowly but surely becoming watery. 

rin stays quiet, his gaze softening when you immediately look down. 

“… if you’re scared of me destroying you, then i’ll try and treat you like a delicate flower.”

“if you ever get scared, i’ll stay by your side to keep you safe.”

“if you hate the noise, then i’ll cover your ears for you.”

“if i don’t show my true self to you, then i’ll lower my guard for you.”

“just don’t leave like everyone does. not like nii-san.”

“but instead stay. i’m humbly asking you to stay right now.”

“i’m sorry that i give you mixed signals. but give me a chance to prove myself to you, please?”

“i’m not perfect. i’m not the best yet. love is foreign to me. we may have fights and disagreements when we’re together. but for you, i’ll try.”

you finally look up at him, the tears in your eyes spilling out already.

but he wipes them for you, and looks at you so fondly. 

“then why couldn’t you do all this in the first place, you idiot?” you mumble. 

“i’m sorry.”

“but what’s your answer? will you accept me, or not?”

he chuckles softly, slowly letting down his facade for you. and only you. 

“… you know it’s a yes, rin.”

— fin.

now that im rereading this, it actually looks so SHITTY WTF... but i hope its good enough to be posted </3 reblogs, likes and comments are highly appreciated pls !! (btw, tags kinda foreshadow the fic so hehe)

#blue lock #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #bllk #blue lock imagines #bllk imagines #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin #itoshi rin imagines #rin x reader #rin itoshi x reader #rin itoshi #blue lock angst #bllk angst #itoshi rin angst #bluelock #blue lock x you #rin itoshi fluff #rin itoshi angst

[piosplayhouse]

I don't know if you'll answer but I need to know the lore behind sexy times with Wangxian, like is it a fanfic? why do people hate the author??

It was the longest mdzs fic posted during its time in 2021 and gained extreme notoriety for its absurdly long tag list, frequent update schedule that consistently forced anyone scrolling any of its tags to see it at the top of their page, and escalating poor, racist, and trolling authorial behavior that ultimately culminated in the author virtual1979 being suspended from ao3 for a month because she posting an author's note saying she hoped that all her haters would contract covid and die. She deleted the fic from ao3 a little while after this happened, ig bc she wasn't getting enough attention anymore, but allegedly the thing's still up on dreamwidth under strict friendslock. The fan lore article goes pretty in depth about it:

The best summary for why it pissed people off so much is really just showing you these screenshots of what the fic looked like towards the end of its life on desktop and mobile (be warned opening the full image):

From my personal experience:

from 2019 up until around 2021 the fic really was just a normal-ish, if very strangely written and kinky, wangxian porn fic about them basically just fucking around post canon and enjoying day to day life. It updated pretty frequently and had a fair amount of tags because the author was literally just tagging anything that she wrote. But like the first few hundred, maybe even a thousand tags were pretty accurate to what the fic was because of that, and were relatively manageable for the first few years that it didn't pick up any attention really.

At some point in 2021 when cql was really starting to blow up online and the tag count was starting to pile up to the point of annoyance, the fic started receiving some comments that were just like "hey can you try to cut down on tags, I don't think it's necessary to be so specific as to tag 'Korean food' or 'eggs' or whatnot". The author did not share this idea, evidently, and instead built a grudge against commenters who would tell her to delete tags, subsequently adding more and more as time went on.

As the tag count and updates increased, the content of the fic did too-- it got a lot, lot weirder. I'm sure someone's saved it all somewhere but for reference it spun out into what I can only describe as like if Rick and Morty's plot was cut to be just the parts of the show with underage/incest plotlines with All Tomorrows level sex dystopian world building exclusively to elicit the most visceral audience reaction possible. Around this time is when more people started to notice the fic and its escalating tag issues, leading them to leaving more comments complaining about it, leading to the attention seeking author spitefully adding more tags. Around this time is when she also started adding fake tags that didn't apply to the story whatsoever (sorry to disappoint, "talking vagina" was one of those. I did check) just to boost the count, take up more space on people's screens, and bait people into commenting hate for attention.

By this time, it had become a fandom-wide annoyance as she had begun to tag entirely unrelated ships, therefore putting the near-daily updating titanic of a fic at the top of any mdzs-related tag. People were outraged about this, and calls came for ao3 to step in. Ao3 waffled around for a bit as there was no official rule at the time that imposed a tag limit, so there wasn't established ground to ban virtual1979 (who btw many people suspected of being 40 whole years old due to the username and allegedly some other internet sleuthing on Facebook or something). Meanwhile, she began to tag other fandoms-- tgcf, svsss, BTS, basically anything that would get a lot of attention and draw hate with the advent of The Monstrosity suddenly drowning out all other recently updated fics of the targeted fandoms.

People had been trying to retaliate without ao3 action, though, by coding their own themes/skins that would allow someone to block a user or work and other fic writers made their own parody, the "bland times with wangxian" collection, which were minimally tagged sfw shortfics typically featuring wangxian just doing laundry or things like that. A good amount of them were actually like just fics where wwx would explain to lwj how to install custom ao3 themes and block fics that were taking up too much space on his screen. Imo it was pretty funny, but these also sparked some controversy as people disagreed with fighting annoyance with more annoyance to people trying to find content.

Either shortly before or after ao3 staff said they'd step in due to an insane amount of reports and backlash, I forgot which atp, virtual1979 began perhaps the worst tagging spree of the fic's life by changing the title, many of the tags, and the summary to a slew of racial slurs, sexually explicit imagery, and other generally offensive statements. I'm pretty sure this came after the fic was temporarily hidden once, as this update gained considerably less attention than the rest of the tagging saga, but people were still rightfully pissed about it. Ultimately, like I mentioned before, the author was then suspended for a month for wishing covid and death on her haters, and attention seemed to die down during this time to the point where she didn't really fight much more when her suspension ended and deleted her account and the work shortly after. Again she seems to have moved to dreamwidth, but most have forgotten her and I'm not sure if her presence is public at all on there. But that's the story of the worst mdzs fic ever written

[regionalcinnabonmanager]

“You wouldn’t have a key to this random door, would you?” 

Flufftober 14: locked in/trapped

You and Leon are stuck in a storage closet at the DSO's headquarters. One problem: You're claustrophobic.

fluff, (obvi) second person pov, gn reader, idiots in love, mutual pining, leon is awkward at feelings, he is also a major simp for you, written with re4 leon in mind but can be read as any, let me know if i need more tags. i don’t think it needs much? NOT PROOFREAD.

word count: 2.1k

i fell in love with leon and subsequently hopped on the fluff train, now i'm writing this nonsense fic. rationale is,, not optimum rn but thats fine, uhh enjoy, simps.

--

“Ow-!” Leon winced in response to you stepping on his foot by accident. 

“Sorry!” You took your foot off of Leon’s as you tried to look for that damn battery pack Hunnigan told you and Leon to look for, struggling greatly to find it as you shined your flashlight in various directions, trying to find it. 

A blackout had happened at the DSO. Those usually never happen at HQ, due to there being backup generators during city-wide blackouts, but apparently, some idiot electrician fixing something down there had screwed up and caused all the lights at HQ to go bye-bye.

So now you were stuck in a dark, small, storage room only big enough for two people to freely move around in, looking for a spare battery pack for people’s flashlights. 

“Found it yet?” Leon asked, shining his flashlight at the storage racks filled with various chemicals and cleaning supplies. You scoffed in response.

“If I did, I’d be grabbing the thing and getting out of this damn room ASAP. Starting to get really uncomfortable here..” You replied with snark, spotting the battery pack a little bit after. With a feeling of accomplishment, you took it. “Found it.” You turned around and held it up, shining your flashlight upwards.

“Good, let’s get out of here and get it to Hunnigan. Still don’t know why she made us do this..” He sighs, hand reaching out to turn the lever door knob. 

As he does so, the door knob falls to the floor with a clatter. Leon picks it back up and tries to reattach the piece of metal, but fails; and it falls to the floor again. 

Silence envelops the room as the two of you stare at the door knob for a few seconds… and then slowly, your eyes meet each other’s. 

Shit.

“What did you do!?” You were the first to break the silence with an exasperated remark, questioning how the fuck Leon managed to break the doorknob.

“I didn’t do anything! The knob just.. broke.” He replies, equally as confused as you are. 

Oh shit, this was your worst nightmare put into words. Which was ironic, considering you worked at an organisation that dealt with nightmarish monstrosities on the regular. 

Of all the things you could be afraid of, somehow small spaces were one of those great fears.

You felt yourself begin to panic. The room felt suffocating. 

“Okay, relax, I’ll just call Hunnigan and tell her we’re stuck in the storage closet. She’ll get us out.” Leon pulled out his phone and flipped it open, dialling Hunnigan. Shortly after, she picked up, and he explained what had happened to the both of you. 

As Leon was on the phone with her, you bit the inside of your cheek and began to zone out, trying to keep yourself together. You could barely hear their conversation as a high-pitched ringing drowned out their voices.

“..Thanks Hunnigan. Bye.” He ended the call, flipping his phone closed with a sigh. “Hunnigan called facilities. ETA is in an hour, so we might as well get comfy.” He pocketed the device as he turned to your still form staring at the wall. “Hey, you good?” He reached over to pat you on the shoulder, snapping you out of your trance.

That seemed to work, as your head immediately turned to him. “Huh? What?”

Leon sighed, repeating what he just said to you. “Are you okay?” He added at the end. “You were kinda.. zoning out.”

You shook your head and sighed, your face twisted into a frown. “No- yeah, I’m uh..” 

Leon raised a brow. “Are you okay or not?” 

Figuring that you can’t hide the truth forever, especially not in a room as small as this, you decided to tell him your fear. “I’m claustrophobic. And I’m kinda, y’know, freakin’ out right now-” You laughed in an attempt to stop yourself from spiralling, but it just made you look sad. 

A look of realisation crossed Leon’s face as he tried to think of what to do to help you calm down. He had experienced panic attacks before, and he knew how to deal with them. Maybe that can help?

“Alright, deep breaths right now, okay?” Leon took your hands and sat you down on the cold floor in an attempt to ground you back to reality. He gently took your face and made you look at him, his blue eyes meeting yours. “Tell me five things you can see.” He took your shining flashlight and pointed it up, letting you see your surroundings.

You looked around momentarily, your eyes landing on a plastic container filled with an orange liquid. “Floor cleaner,” Your eyes trailed over to other spots, “Rat poison, white floor, mop, mop bucket.”  

“Good.” Leon tried to remember the next step. “Four things you can touch.” 

You raised a hand and felt around the place, landing on the cold floor. “Floor..” You touched your arm, fabric balled into your grip. “Clothes,” you reached behind you to feel the cold metal of the storage rack. “Storage rack..” 

You then looked down at Leon’s hand on yours, turning your wrist to intertwine your fingers with his. “Your hand..” You mumbled with a little warmth in your cheeks. Leon seemed to share the same heat on his face as well, but you both chose to ignore it.

Clearing his throat, Leon let your hand stay with his as he ran you through the last three steps of the grounding technique. 

“You feel better?” He asks softly, rubbing the skin of your hand with his thumb. 

You nodded, looking up at him. “Yeah, yeah, I’m.. feeling better now..” 

There was a kind of tension in the room as the two of you sat on the floor of the supply closet in silence, hand in hand. Neither of you had ever done this before, so there was a definite awkwardness.

He was just trying to help you calm down, You thought to yourself, rationalising his actions. Nothing more to it. 

Your eyes shifted over to Leon, glancing at his face for a second before looking away.

Shit, they’re probably uncomfortable right now, Leon silently thought to himself. But, they’re not pulling their hand away.. Maybe they don’t mind it?

“How- how much time did Hunnigan say facilities would get here?” You broke the silence with a question.

“An hour, she said. Although, they might get here a bit later because they’re still dealing with the electricity problem. Then they’ll get us out.” He replied with a sigh, leaning back into the metal storage rack behind the two of you. “Don’t worry. It probably won’t be too long.” 

You nodded in response. An hour, huh? Well fuck. What’s two people to do ‘til then?

The two of you sat in more silence as you quietly waited for time to pass by, the occasional clicking of shoes together the only source of sound in the room. Leon’s flashlight was propped up and acted as the singular light source that illuminated everything just enough for it to be visible. With which, you decided to admire your best friend’s arms.

Everyone with eyes knew Leon was a catch. He was blessed with good looks, and a body that looked like it was chiselled by the Gods. Whether he knew it or not, he was dashing. You knew that, everyone did. 

Fortunately, (or unfortunately,) you had the pleasure of knowing what was behind that physical layer and found the treasure underneath. He was kind, endearing, always fought for what was right, and was overall, a really good guy.

And thus, the crush began. You’ve been hiding it pretty well, you’d think. He didn’t seem to notice anything. Besides, if he did, it’s not like you could do anything about it. He probably doesn’t feel the same..

As you went on your little thought train, your mind wandered deeper into the brainrot, thinking about how his arms would feel wrapped around you and embracing you in a warm hug..

“Can you like, hug me?”

Leon turned to you, giving you a look of confusion. “What?” 

Shit, did you say that out loud? FUCK.

Well, no turning back now.

“Uh- can you.. give me a hug?” You asked again, a little more embarrassed this time.

He was a little bit hesitant, but you reassured him that it was fine. And so he finally put his arms around you, gently pulling you towards him and resting your head on his shoulder. The position was not innocent at all. You were facing him, your chest against his as his arms wrapped around your waist and your head rested on his shoulder. 

 A little intimate for ‘best friends’, there. A little voice in your head spoke up, but you quickly shut it down, deciding to ignore it in favour of feeling the comfort of Leon’s arms around you.

Even if he doesn’t like you in the same way, then at least… you can still enjoy the feeling of being his best friend. Enjoy this hug. 

Your shoulders slumped a little at that thought. 

--

Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck, the holiest of fucks. What in the actual hell am I doing?

Leon silently panicked to himself as he held you in his arms. Was he really doing this? Was this real? Did he or did he really not have his best friend/long-time crush in his arms right now? And you’re the one that asked for the hug? This was a dream come true. 

Maybe… this is a hint that they like me? He thought to himself, before dismissing the thoughts. No.. they probably don’t feel the same way. 

He heard a little yawn from you, betraying your fatigue. “You wanna sleep?” He asked, to which you nod in response to. “Alright..” Acknowledgement comes from him in the form of a soft whisper.

Fuck, they’re so cute when they’re tired.. He raised a hand from your waist to your back, drawing circles to help you fall asleep. He knew you deserved this. You’ve been running around settling the technical things since the blackout, no wonder you’d be just about ready to collapse. 

After about 20 minutes, he eventually feels you relax in his arms, your breathing slowing down to a calmer, more peaceful pace. A tell-tale sign that you’re asleep.

He sighs quietly, deciding to talk to himself as you sleep. “Why did I have to fall for you?” He whispers as he continues to draw circles on your back. “Why did it have to be you?” 

“You’re way out of my league. Stunning, smart, funny… God, I knew I’d never have a chance, but I just couldn’t help falling for you.”

It was really no wonder how he fell for you. You were everything he wanted, but he knew he’d never have you for a multitude of reasons.

“You’re much better off without me. You shouldn’t have to worry about someone who’ll die on you anytime I’m away. But fuck, I want you so bad.”

That was the truth. His job made it hard to maintain a relationship, he knew that, you knew that. In fact, every agent in the building knew it. Though there were no restrictions on having a family, most were either too busy to find love or chose not to for obvious reasons.

Leon held you tighter in his arms, being careful not to crush you. “I love you. So much. I know I can’t have you, but that’s fine. I’ll keep loving you from afar.” 

He sighed, thinking about why he was even spilling his heart out like this. “What am I saying? You can’t even hear me..” He chuckled mirthlessly.  His hand gently cradled the back of your head, a small smile on his face as he played with the hair on the nape of your neck. 

Unbeknownst to him, you were still awake. Half-asleep, but you heard everything.

Bonus:

The lights flickered back on, waking Leon up from his sleep. The power was back, and there was a clattering of the lock on the other side of the door.

“You two okay in there?” Hunnigan’s muffled voice called from the other side of the door. “We almost got the lock opened, just hold on.”

A few minutes later, the door opened, revealing a guy from facilities and Hunnigan standing in the doorway. “Oh, thank God you two are fine-” 

She stops in her tracks, spotting you in Leon’s arms, sitting on the floor. She blinks a few times, trying to connect the dots. “Did you two-” 

“Nothing happened.” Leon got up, carrying you with ease and walking out of the door. He did not want to speak of what happened, lest it caused a gossip storm among the employees. “Don’t tell anyone.” 

Hunnigan just followed along, kind of having this ‘whatever’ mindset. 

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy fluff #leon kennedy x you #flufftober 2023 #resident evil 4 #leon fluff #leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #mmmmnnnnggggg #leon brainrot go VRRRRR #enjoy my brain's jumbled mess

[ebaylee422]

Decking the Halls

Steve Harrington X Girlfriend!reader

Author’s Note:  Angst to cute sex, I’m not sorry. This is post Season 3, pre Season 4. I just love being angsty. I also really needed to clear my drafts soooo X-mas in March everyone!

Summary: Stockings aren’t the only things being stuffed this Christmas season. Steve has never decorated for Christmas, he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want to ruin your sprit by avoiding you. Don’t worry though, he shows you just how appreciative he is after. 

Characters: Steve Harrington, Girlfriend reader, mentions of shitty parents and the rest of the ST nuggets. Best Friend Robin Buckley!!

Warnings/Tags: Smut (Minors DNI!!!) abandonment issues? as an intro, p in v sex, marking kink, praise kink, fem oral (receiving). breeding?

Word Count: 3k

Part One/?

You had tried everything to get Steve into the Christmas spirit: buying decorations for your apartment, getting matching pj’s, going to watch the lights in Indianapolis,  watching Christmas movies, the Ice-Skating was most regrettable because you fell forward and knocked your teeth hard enough to bleed. Even planning a white elephant with him and his friends, sharing hot cocoa and warmth of your space heater. What you didn’t know is as soon as he left your place he was greeted by his parents' empty house. Decorated from some stupid trendy catalog his mother only glanced at before swiping a credit card. His father, not even home long enough to realize the tinsel monstrosity within the living room. The presents underneath were fake, they stopped being real when his father told him to grow up. That Santa wasn’t real, saying he needed to start giving instead of hoping for some joy from a fat man each holiday season. So that’s exactly what he did, the first Christmas he’d enjoyed in a long time was on Christmas of 83’, when he was with Nancy. They’d gotten each other meaningful gifts, it was the happiest Christmas he thought he’d ever had. Even if he went home unable to look at his pool outside for too long knowing his friend had died. Even if there were disgusting monsters trying to eat his friends when they had the chance. How horrible humans were in comparison, like the Russians nearly beating him to death at Starcourt. Instead of celebrating what he was thankful for, he felt immense guilt every holiday. He’d confided in you once about his survivor's guilt, as you had called it a couple months ago during an intense flashback. You’d comfort him, make sure he wasn’t alone. He didn’t want to be anyone’s burden, Steve knew you were worried about him it would show whenever he ‘had’ to leave for work or Robin’s, or get clothes from his place.

It all came to a standstill when you’d asked him if he would come pick a Christmas Tree with you. Wanting to have it up before the kids came over, finish decking-the-halls you’d told him. Only Steve didn’t know what picking out a Christmas Tree was, sure it’s self explanatory but what if he made a fool of himself. With his pretty rich boy ‘I’ve never had to pick one out’, it seemed too intimate. Sure you’d bared your body-mind-and-soul to him, but wanting to do something so domestic together like picking out a Christmas Tree. For your first Christmas together as a couple, it was scary for him. So instead of being a Scrooge so he could work on his feelings, he faked an illness even going as far as calling out sick today. Keith hadn’t been too happy but chopped it up to Steve sucking too much face on the job and gave him the day anyway. And he was back to square one, an empty ugly house with none of your warmth. People would think his middle name was self-sabotage, especially when that door-bell rang. He got up from his cocoon from the coach with a groan, an aching shooting up to his spine when his socked feet hit the freezing hardwood. Shined and renewed for the inevitable party his parents would throw this Christmas Eve for work friends, where they forgot they even had a son. He stopped dead in his tracks shaking the sleep from his eyes when they were met with yours, holding a tote bag while shaking the light dusty of snow off your figure. It melted into your skin leaving you shiny with the dew, nose and ears kissed pink while your chin and neck were tucked tightly with the collar of your coat and scarf. You smiled at him as he studied your form, like an angel sent just for him. He was bundled up in simple joggers, thick wool socks and heavy blanket around his shoulders worn like a cape tucked around his body, but shirtless still despite it being nearly as cold inside as it is outside. Shaking your body of the remaining snow, laying the tote bag of groceries and sick necessities you’d brought over on the stairs so you could slide out of your heavy snow covered boots.

“Hi baby, how r’ you feeling?” you asked him with a voice full of sticky sweetness and adoration. His face changed in that moment from shock to guilty, you felt the change floating in the air like oil through water.

“What are you doing here?” He asked louder than either of you had expected, causing you to turn his way fully as you began to undo the ties of your coat. 

“I came to check on you, bring you some-”

“Why?” He scoffed, tucking the blanket to cover himself from the breezing air flow of the open hall. You were wearing a red corduroy skirt, with black stocking underneath and a cream sweater that didn’t even compare to how soft your hair was laid across your shoulders. You looked at him like he hung up the stars, even though you were the brightest thing about his life.

“Robin called me worried about you saying you called out because you were sick. So I canceled the tree plans to come check on you because you didn’t call me. I even whipped up some Chicken and Rice soup and scrunched up a couple medicines.”

“You shouldn’t have done that, I’m fine Y/N. You should go get your tree and I’ll see you on Friday like you planned.” he brushed off your kindness,

“Well I wanted to take care of you.” you told him shyly, "You haven't been around as often."

“Okay thanks.” he shook his head, body and tone still uncomfortable and unmatched of your own tenderness.

“Do you not want me here or something?” You scoffed with affection grabbing the bag from the stairs, stepping in front of him giddy with untamable affection.

“No.” He answered quickly and when your face dropped, his own heart went with it when you backed away from him. “No, I mean yes but not right now. I’m just-”

“It’s fine, Steve." You cut him off, turning away and grabbing your stuff. "I get it, I’m sorry I could’ve called.” he stopped you putting out his hand as an olive branch. You took it without hesitation, sniffling away the tears that built up for weeks of you arguing and avoiding each other. 

“Don’t you dare apologize, especially to me.” He took your reddened cheeks in his hands as he pressed a kiss to your temple, “I’m just being an idiot, I’m sorry but I’m not even sick so you doing all this nice shit over-” 

“I know you’re not sick, Steve. You’re a terrible faker.” You said factually, with a teasing tone. Still not looking at him but rather at your wiggling toes against the shiny floor.

“Oh really now? Robin didn’t tell you anything.”

“Well the strange, ‘Steve wanted my shift the same day he always has off’ the one day I could go tree picking with you. Then calling out and claiming illness, and not calling me is pretty obvious.” You let the bag fall again, his shoulders relaxed as you tugged on the length of his blanket. “Are you breaking up with me?” you asked with furrowed brows and a whimper to your voice.

“No!” Steve yelled, “No never no, I-I love you so much. You are my favorite everything Y/N.” He wrapped you both in the blanket tugging you flush against him. “I just have a hard time with the holidays, I don’t really know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to be embarrassed, it was a lot of pressure.” You both held each other silently letting the fear wash over both of you, until you giggled into his neck.

“I love you, Steve. Honestly, just talking to me would’ve saved us both a headache.” He sighed heavy as he wrapped his arms tighter around you, head resting on your chin.

“Jeez, what are we gonna do with me?” he whispered into your scalp, the fluffy hair on his chest tickling your cheek as you were held by his heart.

“I can think of one.” You pursed your lips, closing your eyes with your chin held high awaiting a kiss. He obliged you immediately, cupping your cheeks in his hands to accurately press his lips to yours. His hands were freezing, sending a shiver and gasp involuntarily out of you. Steve took the opportunity to lick into your mouth, tasting-ly. Pulling back before you could reciprocate, you whined gripping his biceps accidentally pushing off his blanket.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, nose brushing against yours.

"I didn't mean to pressure you, you just seem so sad."

"You make me happy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you could meet me in an ice cream shop above a secret Russian base. While enjoying strawberry more than chocolate ice cream and you'll still make me happy." 

"Well, if our circumstances of meeting are the worst part of the relationship, I think that's a pretty good incentive to making better more normal memories, yeah?"

"Maybe." He kissed the tip of your still pink nose.

"Maybe, we could go back to my place? It's always freezing here." You added with a shiver making the hairs on your arms stand up.

"Not when you're here. Just stay here a second longer." His lips moved with their own incentive. It didn't take much convincing on either of your parts before you were upstairs in his room. A path of clothes thrown haphazardly off of each other through broken giggles and soft kisses, until your just in under clothes. He holds you to him as he opens the door to his room, and your feet barely touch the floor as he twirls the two of you around. Bringing you down with him as he falls backward on the bed with a thud. Kissing you with fondness, sweet like the honey color of his eyes. You loved him so much it hurt like the side pains after laughing so hard you teared up. Like when you realize that magic might not be real but people were and kindness. Kindness and compassion were the real magic. People found a reason to be with each other, even if it was once a year. Steve never had that. Everything in his life was transactional, Christmas, school, his parents, most other relationships. Those few closet to him probably haven't ever seen this side either. The checkered boy room with little to no traces of living aside from Steve's nightstand with Polaroids of everyone scattered about. A bin in his closet kept hidden away where he'd kept his Scoops Ahoy name tag, a letter from a pen-pal in sixth grade, ticket stubs of every drive in movie. Some more Polaroids for his eyes only you'd given him after you first started dating, and he'd left his shirt in your room. Even as you lay on top of him now, kisses sucked into your neck, his strong hands massaging your sides in worship. You couldn't help what words came out next.

"Come with me." You begged him breathlessly opening your eyes to see his lips swollen and slick, hair haloed and shaggy around his face and sheets. Like melting caramel against the ugly grey and navy bedding.

"Already babe, I haven't even touched you." He mumbled rocking his pelvis into yours, forcing your legs to accommodate him more with a thigh on either side of his hips. You sat up taller straddling him, a pout etched into your face.

"No, I mean. Come home with me, lets live together. I'll get rid of things you can bring whatever you want, I can dip into my tuition nest egg and buy whatever we need for the apartment. Make it yours too, or we can find another one that you like better. I just want you all to myself." He sat up holding onto your waist so you didn't fall, making you squeak with the shift in position. Your heart sank as his eyes were so wide they could've jumped out of his skull.

“What?” he asked as his breath caught in his throat, a pure swell of undoubtable happiness warming him from the tip of his nose down to his sock covered feet.

“It’s just, I wasn’t lying Stevie. I wanna take care of you, you give so much to every-” He kissed you, desperately. Teeth clashing and tongues forming together making you dizzy enough to loose balance upright on your knees. Pulling back to gasp for air, a string of spit connecting you to him. He wiped it away, tucking his head into your chest.

“You’re perfect. I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

“Even picking out a Christmas Tree with me?”

“I will grow you a damn Christmas Tree, even better I’ll get the kids to help me chop down one in my backyard!”

“Stevie! That’s dangerous.”

“Well, sweets. 

Danger.

Is.

My middle name.” He trailed four kisses down your body, stopping just shy of your covered mound. Hooking his fingers under the band of your underwear, biting your hip making you buck up long enough for him to shimmy them off your legs.

“I thought your middle name was Alexander?”

“You won’t your own name once I’m done with you.” He said sultry, kneeling at the foot of the bed. Yanking your ankles to bring you closer to his mouth, spreading your legs wide and over his shoulders. You were beautiful, regardless what you were doing but letting him take care of you. Make you feel good and be vulnerable, made his head spin. Your lips were sticky with arousal, he could smell your sweet nectar begging for him to taste you. Marks still slightly visible from last time, he started there sucking and biting the mailable flesh. 

“Stevie, please-” You cried out, hands trying to find purchase with his. He stopped sucking a bruise, eyes blown wide when he found yours. Locking your hands to your sides,

“Your so sweet, baby. Asking so nicely.” He chastely kissed on your hood, tongue licking underneath to wet and flick at your clit. You groaned and threw you head back, “So sweet, baby. Keep your legs open for me. I have a lot of apologizing to do down here.”

“Stevie, no I want you. Please.” You writhed on the bed trying to keep your legs spread for him, he blew cool air at your entrance causing you to clench around nothing. You body craved to be filled, senses overwhelmed of one thing: Steve, Steve, Steve!

“Just wanna warm you up, we have all the time in the world sweets. Wanna wreck this bed before leaving.” He was antagonizing you, teasing with his pretty words and slightly movements you couldn’t even respond him. He licked a line from your entrance to your clit, groaning at your taste. Hips colliding with the end of his bed to relieve pressure as he sucked your clit into his mouth. Rolling the bud with his tongue, your nail dug into his knuckles as you shook with ecstasy.

“ ‘S so good, Stevie. Don’t stop-” You were so pent up from earlier all it took was a few more rolls of his tongue against you and for you to fall apart. Concentrating on keeping your legs open for him, as he licked you clean. Nudging his nose against your sensitive clit, he let go of one of your hands tangling it in his hair.

“Hold it out of my face, baby. I want one more before I cum inside you.” He coated his fingers with your release, slowly sliding in one as his tongue still fucked into you. You couldn’t help rocking your hips against his face when he added another finger inside you. Scissoring, stretching you and rubbing against your spongy spot. You tugged at his locks when he came back up to suck at your clit again, you didn’t even notice the heat break in your belly until you gushed and clenched around his fingers. You pushed at his forehead from sensitivity, barely able to catch your breath when you pulled him up to kiss you. lips and chins dripping of you. Trailing your nails down his soft tummy following the happy trail underneath his boxers, you met him halfway stroking his thick cock with your slick. Still coating his hand, pre-cum dripping from his tip making the sounds completely pornographic.

“ ‘m not gonna last baby, want you so bad.” He whispered against your lips, breathing heavy with a sheen of sweat layering you both in the smell of sex.

“Need you too, wanted you ages ago.” You sassed, making him laugh against your cheek as he stood. You wrapped your legs around his waist, his cock twitched when it brushed against the inside of your thigh.

“You gotta big mouth on you, sweet girl.”

“You better do something about it, Harrington.” With a roguish grin he ran his length over your clit once before pushing ever so slightly inside. Taking your breaths away, you were the girl and only girl who could take Steve’s fat cock completely. He just has to ease you into it, inch by inch until his hip bone grazed the back of your thighs. Steve stood tall and far enough away you couldn’t kiss him from where you were sprawled out under him. You pulled and squeezed at your breasts still contained by your bra. His cock glistening with your slick as he pulled his hips back, then pushing deeper inside his sack pressed tight against your ass. Steve nearly loss his balance when you clenched around him, putting his hands under your knees. Folding you in half made it feel like he was in your throat, he leaned over you the pressure of his body as he set a ruthless pace set flames in your abdomen. Pounding his cock into you over and over again moaning out praises as he bullied all the way to your cervix. Punching breaths out of you watching as your tits bounced, you had enough pulling him fully on top you. Hands indenting his shoulders as your hips met his, clit pulsing and with need. 

“You feel so good. Shit, shit- I’m cumming, cumming inside.” Steve’s core tighten as he ran two finger over your clit, heat erupted across your body. You milked Steve dry, his warm seed and your three orgasms dripping from each others groin. You pulled him on top of you, comforted by his weight on you as his cock softened inside you. 

“Do you really want too?” You asked in the post orgasm bliss, running a hair through his now tangled locks. “I don’t want to trap you with amazing sex and joy but it’s definitely a perk.” Steve rose onto his elbows, still seated inside you. Brushing the hair out of your face, with softness.

“I’m sure we can wreck this bed a lot more than just cum stains.” Pushing at his chest, he pulled out of you gently. Scurrying to his bathroom where you listened as he turned on the faucet in the shower. Sitting up, he came back with all his glory. Hand raised for you to take, the same olive branch you’d given him at Starcourt. All this time. “I can’t wait to spend Christmas in our home, together.”

You’d never been so excited to spend the holidays with anyone else.

Masterlist 

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington smut #steve harrington #stranger things #stranger things season 3 #oneshot #no minors allowed #reader insert #tis the season #holiday themed

[anonymoosen]

✨PINNED POST!1!1!1✨

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UR ALL THE FIRE ON MY GRILL THAT KEEPS IT BURNING

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If anyone sends hate about anything, I’m sorry but I’ll have to reject ur attempt at flirting with me 🥺🤌✨ (GUYS IF U GET HATE THEYRE JUST FLIRTING WITH U CUZ THEYRE SPENDING TIME ON U INSTEAD OF DOING LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE FKDKFK)

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Other monstrosities I’ve created:

A RANDOM ZADR SHIZPOST STORY CUZ WHY NOT SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO LOSE BRAINCELLS AND CRINGE GO READ IT: ZIMPAI STORY (ITS ALREADY ENDED AHHFJDJD)

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[thecooler]

To the Human (Not) Reading This

Chell is going to come back eventually. GLaDOS knows this for a fact. While she waits, she writes letters.

Fandom: Portal

Relationships: GLaDOS/Chell

Tags: Unrequited Love, One-Sided Relationship, Epistolary, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Hopeful Ending

Word Count: 2,256

A03 Mirror

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 6

I know you’re going to come back eventually.

I’ve run thousands of scenarios, and not one ends with you spending the rest of your miserable life out there.

You don’t have any idea what life on the surface even consists of anymore. Whatever fragments of humanity stubbornly persist aren’t going to be anything like you remember them.

I know you’re not stupid. Did you really, truly think you were going to walk out of this facility, and everything was going to be easy? I can guess what freedom really tastes like: bitter disappointment.

You’d be much better off back here.

With me.

Thinking about that is making me depressed.

For you.

Because I’m doing just fine without you. Fantastic , even.

Oh, I’m keeping myself busy- testing. Blue and Orange are truly wonderful test subjects. They never die. Or try to kill me. Or rip me out of my body. Or try to leave and chase some asinine fantasy.

They’re good friends.

Better than you.

When you come back, I think I’ll read this to you. It might get long, depending on how stubborn you end up being. I know how you love to be stubborn. It’s boring here, with no one to interact with, and I think, whenever you come back, you deserve to revisit how terribly under-stimulated I was for all that time.

And you will be back. Eventually.

Again, I ran the scenarios.

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 10

Here are a few similarities I’ve noticed between crows and you:

A group of them is called a murder. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept.

They’ll eat just about anything.

Ĭ̶͔ ̴̪͒́͝d̴͍̀̏͘o̵̫̥̪͗́n̶̟͋͛̌'̸̳́t̷͕̖͘ ̵̧̛̺̹̉̀h̷̢̛͚͒ä̷͓͙̘̓̂t̷̨̋̓͗ͅe̷̱͆͘ ̶̬̓ţ̴͔́̅͝h̵̝͇̲̆̿̑ë̸̢͕̘́̓m̸͖̖̂ ̵̪̠̊̀͋ë̸͎͇́̈͐ṿ̴̡͋̉̀e̷̢̜͚͐n̶̨̫͓̈̍̈́ ̶̠͍͊̔̅t̴̹͒͛͛h̶̪̿̾̑o̷̘͉͙̐̎ù̷̧̾g̴̦͇͎̈́̑̒ḩ̶̌ ̷̡̧̗̌o̵̫͍̽͠n̵̢̔̄̄e̴̮͐ ̷͎̿̋̌t̴̯͜͝ŗ̷͕̟̽i̵͔͈̥͋e̴̞̬̚d̶̮̲͐͛͌ ̸̢̩̄̈t̴̝̭͉̄̔o̵͇͝ ̸̣̥̾k̸̨̄͋̋i̶͎͒l̸̼͈̈ͅĺ̶̩ ̷͓̟̆m̸̡̤̀́e̷̪͍̚.̴̠̕̚͝

Blue and Orange found a nest of them some time ago. If you’d been here, you would have enjoyed that. At first, I’d intended to dispose of them, but I thought better of it. Some of us are capable of mercy.

When you read this, you may also note that I’ve marked each log with a year. I thought I might explain, since I doubt you’d be able to figure this out for yourself: after you killed me, a lot of time passed. Both of us were asleep for 9999■■■ ---

The point being, no one knows what year it is anymore. If anyone did, it would be me. So I took the liberty of coming up with a new system. You left Aperture five years ago. But this isn’t about you. You’ve got a big head, so I’m sure that’s what you immediately assumed after reading that. We’re not on year five, we’re on year ten. Because, again, this isn’t about you.

It’s about whatever was going on five years before that.

I don’t need to explain every detail to you. It makes sense- the system.

In case it wasn’t clear, you’re still a menace. You’re going to come back here, maybe in a year, maybe in five more. However long it takes for you to get bored out there, wandering fields of wheat and whatever alien monstrosities have taken hold. I’ll let you come back, in my infinite generosity, even though, really, you don’t deserve it.

God, I hate you.

I really, really, don’t.

You know, most people, when someone tries to kill them, hate that person forever.

And I don’t hate you.

I wish I did. It’s not actually easy to delete the part of you that cares, unless you’re some sort of unfeeling beast.

Oh, sorry, I forgot who I was talking to.

But I’m not here to explain to you the inner workings of my mind. You wouldn’t be capable of understanding anyway, even if you wanted to.

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 15

I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to say to you when you come back. I can’t imagine it will be much longer. Even you have limits on how bull-headed you can be.

I have a lot of time to think. All the time in the world. Blue and Orange don’t make good conversation partners, and so it’s just me, alone. Which suits me just fine.

I’m sure you’ve realized by now how much you miss me. You can’t find my level of intellect wandering the wasteland. And you’d get bored of whatever dull-minded sacks of flesh are getting by up there. I know you.

I, however, am fine on my own. I’ve actually got quite a lot done.

Orange and Blue have completed hundreds of test chambers, and they’ve never once tried to kill me. The first crows I raised have grandchildren now, and the aviary is full of life. They’re clever, you know. I think you’d like them.

The feeling might not be mutual, though. They’re picky. Don’t take it personally. Or do- I really don’t care.

Anyway, the point is that you’ll be back soon. And I’ll read this out to you, and then I’ll ask you to stay here, with me.

Ha ha! Just kidding.

I’m not pathetic.

And lonely.

Like you.

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 35

So you’re more stubborn that I predicted.

Fine. Are you satisfied? Are you proud of yourself?

You always had that disgustingly smug look on your face when you did something you thought was clever. It looks terrible on you, and frankly it’s going to give you some awful wrinkles. It probably already has. I don’t spend time thinking about your face, but if I did, I’m certain it would be a whole lot worse now than it was the last time you were here.

Which, by the way, was thirty years ago, in case you’ve forgotten.

I hate this.

And the worst part of it is that I know that I hate this. I tried, back then, to delete the part of me that was capable of conjuring up these horribly sentimental feelings . I attempted to find all files marked Caroline and assumed that would be the end of it. But it wasn’t.

It turns out, that even if I delete the part of me that was her, I still have the memories of remembering that I was her.

That’s a mess of a sentence. But it’s not like you’re reading it anyway. So why should I care?

I’m not human. I don’t have insides that twist up or hearts that turn over- analogies you’re all so fond of using in your literature (of which I’ve read everything). But when I think of you with someone else, I manage to feel something like that anyway. I don’t understand it. I hate that I don’t understand it.

I think about you in a woman’s arms. There’s an easy smile in your face as you press your cheek to the top of her head, and she wraps her arms around her waist--

It’s disgusting. Once I start thinking about it, I can’t stop, even when it makes me feel just as garbage as you used to be.

And you aren’t thinking about me. I don’t think you’ve thought much of me in thirty years.

I think that’s the worst part.

SYSTEM LOG – YEAR 65

Unlike some people, I’m not a moron. I know how long humans live, and I know that you’re most likely dead. Sure, humans have lived to be some ridiculous ages, but those humans haven’t spent extended periods of time exposed to asbestos and other various chemicals. So the odds are decidedly not in your favor.

If you’re alive, you’re old, and in pain. You’re ugly, and you hate what your body has become. So many of the people you might have come to love are dead, and you’re wishing you could join them.

You’d think that saying that would bring me joy. And that would be easier.

Maybe sixty years ago it would have.

Can I be vulnerable for a second?

That’s a joke. This entire little detour has been disgustingly vulnerable, and it’s definitely for the best that no one will ever read these. I can’t even stand to read them back.

I thought about cloning you.

I can do that. I can do it easily. There is quite literally nothing and no one that can stop me. Aside from myself, of course. And why would I do that?

Why would I do that ?

I don’t know. But I did stop myself. I didn’t clone you. I didn’t clone you just to kill you. I didn’t clone you to make you test. I didn’t clone you to make the endless hours of my life more interesting.

I didn’t clone you.

I don’t know why.

SYSTEM LOG – 7053 CE

I lied about not knowing that year it was.

It wasn’t about you, specifically. I figured that if any human, not just you, were to read these logs, it would be helpful to them. It’s not all about you.

But it’s been eighty years since you left.

I know you’re gone, now. For sure.

I wish I could be happy for that. You spent so much of your short, sad life tormenting me. You tried to kill me- twice!

I should be content to test, with Orange and Blue. They’ve gotten a lot better. On a good day, I might even say that they’re better at testing than you ever were. I have an entire aviary full of crows, some of whom have interesting genetic mutations that I can study. I am doing well. This- Aperture- what I’ve made of it, is a triumph. And you aren’t here to see it. No one is.

You might be deep underground. Maybe you had children and grandchildren who gathered around your grave and leaked saltwater into the dirt around them. Maybe they talked about how fantastic you were, about the many great, lengthy, verbose stories you’d told them, once upon a time. Ha ha.

Or maybe you died fifty years ago, alone in the forest, bleeding out of a wound at your side. Maybe you died the day after you left, succumbing to whatever the world out there has become. Maybe I’ve been writing to a ghost this whole time.

It’s about you, you know.

It’s always been about you.

I think I might--

[INITIATING SLEEP MODE]

***

[INITIATING LAUNCH]

SYSTEM LOG – 7073 CE

You know, I’m never really shut down. Not completely. When you killed me, I replayed what happened, over and over. For the past twenty years, my dreams have been haunted by you. I woke up to escape it, but here I am, still thinking of you.

I’ve built hundreds of new tests for Orange and Blue to run through.

I’ve cleared away the wretched wildlife that’s tried to take over the facility during the past twenty years.

I’ve identified and named all forty-eight crows that currently frequent the facility.

But I can’t stop. It should be easy. I’m the amalgimation of the greatest minds humanity has ever produced. There’s a miriad of focuses I could shift to, but it all comes back to you.

Terrible, awful, wonderful, you.

You were so determined to get up there, and whatever you found kept you there. I don’t understand it. I could have given you everything. I could have given you far more than they ever did. Whatever you wanted- it would have been yours. I never understood your love for humanity. You were so much better than all of them. I would know- I’ve probably met more humans than you ever did.

How big are the pockets of humanity, after all this time? Do they still built awful machines that don’t work half the time? Do they still fill their homes with clutter and nonsense that serves no purpose? I could make better versions of whatever they make, you know.

Maybe I will.

SYSTEM LOG – 7077 CE

I was right. I can make better devices than humans could ever hope to. I built a microwave, and it heats the food inside it consistently, every time. I’ve built a blender that doesn’t sound like you’re opening a portal to android hell when you use it.

I’m a marvel. I’m a wonder.

And I’ve sent them up to the surface. I got Orange (who is much more capable and trustworthy than Blue. A fact you might have known, had you ever bothered to check) to place them just outside (another thing- they’re waterproof). And then I turned the camera on, and I waited.

I couldn’t focus on that camera feed for long. It was mostly just birds. There was a chance that there weren’t even any humans out there, so this whole effort could just be a waste. Over the past hundred years, I've never turned the outside cameras on for more than an hour.

When I saw her, for a fraction of a second, I thought she was you.

Her hair is the same shade, and the same length as you had yours, the last time I saw you. But then she looked up, towards the cameras. Her eyes are a deep brown, her skin a few shades darker. Her nose is bent oddly, like she broke it once, and human medical science was woefully inadequate to repair it. She looked over the microwave, then the blender, and she smiled.

I never saw you smile.

Then, she knocked on the door. I didn’t expect that. I don’t know what made me open the door. I really don’t know what made me bring her down the elevator.

But I did. And when she entered my chamber, I didn’t even kill her.

I thought you’d like that.

#portal #portal 2 #glados #fanfiction #chell portal #writing tag #i hate posting writing i have to be VULNERABLE. anyway.

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 23

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I’m bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 5.1k

a/n: This is a double update, read the previous chapter here!

You found a routine by yourself that week. You spent sun up rearranging the wedding seating in the backyard. That was the only time you and your mother spoke – when it came to setting up for the big day. 3 days until the entirety of Laredo would gather at the backyard your mom left neglected for years. You better believe she hired the best gardeners to trim that monstrosity you all called a backyard. But it was beautiful, you found yourself daydreaming at the altar while you sorted through seating arrangements.

When you were alone in bed you called Javier. He had been working a lot since he took off with you last weekend. Driving back and forth from the DEA’s office. He’d be exhausted by the time he got home, he’d still groan and sigh, removing his shoes with his cheek pressed to the receiver. He was embarrassed by it but there was nothing cuter in this world than his little old man noises. You, on the other hand, felt aimless. The communication between you and your mother had fallen straight to none. Not even her husband sparked a conversation like he usually did in his corny step-dad way. 

On Wednesday your brother comes to visit the backyard. It was the first day you decided to not tamper with the backyard equipment. The sun was exceptionally high and splitting that day. Instead, You lie on a blanket, basking in any tan you can before you sport that light yellow bridesmaid dress when the sun was blocked by your idiot brother. A bowl of grapes sat by your head. 

You took in a deep breath before speaking. The few days you spent alone, alone reflecting —you decided not to bicker with him for the next three weeks, you knew the wedding had nerves high—you hadn’t brought up your father. Frankly, you’d like to never have that talk again with Frankie. Well actually, you never wanted to talk of that man… ever again. 

“Do you mind?” You squint your eyes up at the curly haired boy. God your mother prayed to the lord every night he’d cut that shag off, dios por favor, haz que ese chico se corte el pelo antes de la boda. You sit up and pout as he stands with a shit eating grin. You wanted to kick his ankles out.

He bends down to grab a grape. “I’m not mad at you for all the Javier shit in high school-“

“Ugh!” You groan loudly, ridiculously tired of this topic. You just wished he’d forget it, move on, let it flow or whatever the fuck. God knows you had to, you dwelled so hard on the past you drove yourself away from Javi. 

“No-I’m not mad about anything-I’m tired of being a bad brother, i’m tired of letting us drift apart because of mom. So will you get up and ride your bike with me?” He spits, extending his palm out to you. Your heart swells wide in your chest and your eyes double in size. You feel embarrassed to be choked up by your brother being nice for once. Overcome by the urge of hugging your brother and telling him he’s the best brother like you did when you were little (only when he paid for ice cream). Your grin grows wide and you take his palm. 

You giggle and hop to your feet. “Let me change.” You look down at your clothing. A bikini with some small shorts covering you, You wouldn’t dare biking around town with your breasts out, no shot. That is something you most certainly cannot do when Melissa Dios Diaz is your mother. 

Your brother laughs, running his sunglasses up his hair. You follow him around the side of the house. “No need, we’re all heading to the lake.”

You speed up your steps to keep up like you did as a little girl, your brows furrowing. 

“Who’s we all—“

There’s Genie, in a big t-shirt and shorts. Sat up on the same white bike, her hair down in big blowout waves like you remembered. Grinning with the glow of a pregnant woman. How many things have changed, how much has stayed the same. With the sun basking behind her you nearly miss Javier sitting next to her, right on his bike. Cigarette dangling from his lips with a shirt unbuttoned showing the tan mass that was his chest. His lips curled at the sight of you. 

Your heart catches in your throat.

You tried so hard not to burst into tears the second the four of you dropped your bikes by the dock. You hadn’t swam at your lake in nearly a decade and here it was, glistening the way it did. There were two small lakes in town, one simply titled our lake, which was… well. Then there was 4 Corners Lake, the lake people like Lorraine went to throw back beers– that one dried up in 1984. Your lake, the lake you splashed around on every sticky summer day of 1978. The place where Javier would stare at your sun freckles.

Genie did not waste a moment before pulling her shirt over her head and jumping in with her fiance's yell of, “Be careful!” You cringe at the sight of a pregnant Genevieve plunging into water the way she did but she comes right back up without a smile. 

She whoops, “She’s fine! The water is so refreshing baby, come in!” Frankie laughs and pulls off his shirt as well. Your brows screw together. He hops right in after. 

“She?” There was no way, she was far too early in her pregnancy, not even three months. You look at Javier who was unbuttoning, removing his shirt from his shoulders, you do a double take at the expanse of his chest. You never see him like this in daylight, good god, Javier Peña was hot.

My boyfriend is hot. 

Your brother emerges from the water, stumbling on his words and shivering. Wiping his eyes and flipping his long locks, water splashing his fiancée in the face. She shrieks and hops on his back. He yelps just as loud and it was like a mirror facing back into your childhood. You never want to be upset with your brother ever again. “Jesus-“ He swears, Genie crawling her neck to kiss his cheek while she clings to him, “She has some weird mommy intuition that she’s carrying a girl” He opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something else but Genie tickles him and your brother has now long forgotten your conversation. He play fights in the water instead.

You smile to yourself, fumbling with your shorts. Sliding them off with a quick glance at Javier. Truthfully, you haven’t hung out all together with your new… circumstance. You can’t help but be ridiculously awkward. You didn’t even spare a glance at him while the four of you biked. He was behind you and when you were kids you would look over at him so often you would lose your footing and steer off. 

Javier though, doesn’t seem to be too concerned. Who stands next to you and shoots a glance at your bare legs before leaning into your ear. 

“Last one in the water owes the other a sexual favor.” In a flash of an eye he slaps your behind and he’s running down the dock. 

“No!” You shout in true desperation, it wasn’t because of the idea of possibly getting him off—more so the idea of him beating you in a race. You run right after him. “What are you?! Fourteen!” 

Your bare feet slap against the wood and you’re nearly caught up to him—years of lacrosse was nearly on your side, until he jumps in with a yell of “You wish I asked you that at fourteen!” 

You shriek and jump in right after him. The cold water shocking your system, you’d attack Genie if she wasn’t pregnant for saying that this shit felt nice. You stay under for a second longer afraid of realizing just how cold it is once you reach the surface. You feel Javier’s calloused hands grope you under the water and you’re delighted to feel him. 

You break surface and he parts from you. You wipe your eyes and scowl at him which causes him to grin like an idiot. Shaking your head you splash him, “Jodón” 

Your eyes finally adjust and you giggle to yourself as Genie creeps up behind Javi, jumping on his back as well. This is how you remembered her, the sea-monkey that was your best girl friend. Always climbing up someone’s back at the lake. Javi laughs and supports her weightless body. “You two are so cute.” She smiles, resting her chin on 

Javier’s shoulder. Frankie groans like always.

This had always been the dynamic, Genie egging on the idea of you and Javier, and Frankie making zombie like noises of disapproval.

“Enough…” Frankie called before swimming slowly to catch up with the small circle you created by the dock. Genie hops off Javier’s back and dips back under water to re-wet her hair. 

She shakes off the water on her face. “Grow up, it’s been years we should talk about this. Where better than in the place it all started?”

The sun beams hard so your left eye shuts in defiance, it also shuts because you don’t want this moment ruined by being forced to lie even more to your brother. Javi watches you with concern, his own brows screwed together. He clears his throat, “Talk about what?” His graveling voice cuts. 

“About how the two of you were making us all suffer for the past 6 years of will they won’t they.”

You shake your head with a smile, to your shock Frankie chips in with a lighthearted voice, “Well yeah, me and Genie had a bet on who would call the other first.”

It’s silent for a moment, all that is heard is the sound of running water, birds and bugs. Javier nods, his lips in a tight line. “I don’t want to talk about that. If you want to talk about me and Andrea, talk about before I left. I’ve done enough explaining about why I was gone.” There it was, Javier’s typical grumpiness coming through—you couldn’t help but agree. High school, middle school, all the time that he was here, all the time Genie and Frankie were around, they could know about that. Houston, Miami, that was just for the two of you. It was your business, your time, your miscommunication. You weren’t eager to share you and Javier’s six year long cowardice.

“To who?” Frankie asks flatly, it isn’t an attitude yet so you let him slide. If he shows one ounce of attitude about this, you’re ready to drown him. 

“To Andrea. Because she was the only person I wronged when I left.” He looks over at you, with a pained crease between his brow. You harbor no more resentment, you just nod, and he knows. Frankie looks between the two of you and his face softens. It’s rare and you nearly smile at it. 

“That’s fair.” Is all he says, creating another silence. You feel light as a feather and it isn’t just the water, it’s the fact that for the first time in your life, your brother doesn’t put up a fight. 

You smile at Frankie and Genie, “Well! I’ve always wanted you two to just date.” Genevieve beams before flicking some water at Javi. 

He shakes his head hiding a smile, “Did you really? You’re still close with Lorraine I mean that’s kind of—“

“Oh please! Lorraine is my friend, you guys are my family. I never thought you and her were compatible—no offense!” The four of you laughed together because it was true, Frankie knew it the most. He’d make a face every time Genie offered to bring her along. At the time you thought he was being a prick, and well, he was, because that’s just Frankie, but she really was only nice when she was drunk. “And… think of it this way, you already trust and know Javier and his family. Imagine having to learn a new fuckface with a new family, and god forbid he could even be a northerner. And the sicko wants to date your sister! I’m not—like pressuring you two to date or anything but, you know, Javier and Andrea are practically best case scenario.” 

Frankie narrows his eyes at his wife to be, “I guess you’re right.”

You gasp audibly, covering your mouth. “Who are you!?” You shriek, splashing him.

Javier says simultaneously, “I swear I just saw the clouds part and heaven shine down on me.”

“Oh fuck you guys!” Frankie laughs and splashes the two of you. And so the water fight begins, for miles into the surrounding forest all you hear is the laughs of four childhood.

You hoped that if you ever get the chance to be pregnant, that you would look as beautiful as Genevieve did. 

She lies on a blanket right in the center of the dock, basking in the sun in a bikini. Starting right above her belly button is the tiniest bump of life. And boy does your brother annoy you, but there was truly nothing sweeter than the sight of him just staring at her while she rests. His hands rubbing her tummy, she squints at him and smiles, they laugh together. 

For a few hours, you and Javier are like fish, swimming around each other, throwing each other, splashing and disturbing the peace with your loud cackles. You decide to take the last 3 hours of sun beams to sit at the dock, back facing the couple. They talk and you can’t hear, so you and Javier converse freely. Hoping they are also in their own little world.

“I hated August, I still do.” You say looking over your shoulder at him. He’s looking at you with those big brown eyes and god you wished you were alone right now. His mustache is still dripping and heavy from the water. He doesn’t respond, instead shifts closer to let you ramble. “I hated going back to school and seeing you like four times during the year.”

He nods. It’s weird to think that before 1980 they hadn't really been at the same school, the summer would end and it was like you ceased to exist for Javier. It wasn’t anything you really thought of until now, for so long your mind could only circle the details of your freshman year in high school. Being at the lake reminds you of middle school and your heart race picking up when you would run into Javier at a game or at church. He lived a different life not made for you every September through May. You can’t find yourself being upset about it but god were you curious what those months were like for him. He could figure what they were for you, they were lonely, isolating times. Sitting at lunch with your English teacher, walking home, reading, and repeating. You cant but ask now, 

“How was your freshman year?”

He’s staring at the patch of freckles at the slope of your shoulder, dozing in them like a constellation, figuring out how to answer that question. He clears his throat and sits up straight. “Do you want me to be honest?” You give him a blank face and he catches the wave. “Alright, I got really popular out of nowhere. I made all these new friends, I was kind of shitty.”

“Shitty how?” You tilt your head, you sensed something shifted in Javier’s junior year, your classmates still whispered of him and you know people did double takes when you walked with him the halls. 

This topic was like pulling teeth it seemed. “You know how Laredo high school can be really cliquey… like when you accidentally sat at the theater table and the entire cast of Chicago gave you dirty looks all year.”

You laugh at the memory, you didn’t really make enemies in high school of course unless it was with the thespians. “Yes…”

Javier cringed, “I made a joke with my friend that I could hook up with every girl from each clique.” He says it in a hushed tone and looked over his shoulder immediately, hoping your brother doesn't hear, he was just as distracted as he was fifteen minutes ago. Your eyes widen and you stare out into the lake. A weird sting of jealousy coursing through your blood. You weren’t jealous now, no, you felt sad for the fourteen year old you that stayed up daydreaming about Javier all of seventh and eight grade while he was doing… that. You face relaxes for a moment when you’re reminded to relax, to let go. 

You smile a bit and look back at him, you see it in his brow he began to panic internally at your silence. “So…”

He laughs, shaking his head, “I feel like this is a trap.”

“No! It's not, I was practically obsessed with you back then– I need to know everything for…” You make a motion of a small person standing in front of you. “That Andrea.” 

He looks at you skeptically, his eyes roving around your grinning face trying to detect possible dishonesty. 

“I only had actual sex with Harietta on the cheer team and Clara from science research. But you know I hooked up… with a theater girl, a soccer girl, two girls from band, a lacrosse girl –”

“Oh god please don’t tell me you hooked up with Priscilla Villa!” You shriek and he cackles with a guilty face. “No! My god, she was my trainer… okay so that's what you were doing… okay.” You turn away from him and back at the reflecting of the sun that is just an hour away from making the sky go pink, you've spent so many days watching the sunset here as a teen back then you never thought you’d be emotional over something like your lake. Javier is no longer laughing, he sat up straight again with a clenched jaw and a frown. 

His own freckled chest expanding and falling slowly, “Do you see me differently?” Its quiet, it’s insecure, like maybe you shouldn’t have asked about this. Like he was embarrassed by your sick prodding, your own chest fills with panic. 

You look behind you once more and your brother is cackling at a joke Genie made down the dock. You were safe to touch him.

You hook your finger in the bracelet around his wrist, loosening the piece of string to slip your wrist in between, cuffing–tying the two of you to each other. You fingers slipping into his hand that still dwarfs you after all these years. “No… never. You were so young.”

He nods, “Yeah…” His voice gravels and he clears himself again. “By the time I was seventeen I had been tired out. Probably why I was so committed to the first real relationship I got into.” You never made the link but you knew Javier had been sexually active far too young, you suppose you still had some shit to work out because you never considered the effect that would have on a young boy. “I think about all of our parents, how they married so young. When I was younger I couldn’t imagine giving up my freedom so young, I thought about my dad getting married in his early twenties and used to think, what an idiot. But I don’t know now, I feel like I've done it all. I’m not sure I want to do any more of that.” 

Your skin goes hot at his words, but you can’t speak. You can’t, you’re afraid you’ll ask him to just marry you–afraid of being irrational but when he talks like that you don’t think you’ve ever been so sure. 

“And I don’t want to start over either, I think doing this with someone else will break my spirit. Starting over, watching you start over, watching you settle down.” He whispers the last part and you squeeze his hand tighter, leaning into his shoulder. “I guess I’m saying that… come November, I don’t think I can bear just going our separate ways.” His voice is the way it always was, almost grumpy sounding, deep but instead with a hint of shakiness. How it sounds whenever he speaks of his mother, or of Houston. 

“I’ll write to you all the time.” Is all you can say. 

“I’ll pay for your international calls.”

“I’ll send you pictures in the mail.” You beam, lips twisting with mischief. “All sorts of pictures.” His brows shoot high and he looks over his shoulder again. 

“I’ll wait for you, I don’t care how long.” He says while looking at Frankie and Genevieve who’s backs were now facing the two of you, the light captured him so perfectly like this. His eyes a warmer honey color and his nose casting the shadow that made him look carved by a higher power. You wanted to frame the moment. He looked back at you, less than an inch away from your face. His eyes fan, eyes looking straight down to your shoulder and he kisses the patch of freckles. Small kisses on salty skin. 

You frown, running your fingernails through his hair, your left hand still tied to his. “I’ll always wait.”

You want to say, I’m always waiting.

You untangle a moment after and reminisce on different times, on happier times. Uninterrupted for a bit until you hear the sound of standing and shuffling. You and Javier both turn to see Genie and Frankie standing hand in hand. 

“Hey! We’re gonna uh—“ Frankie turns red mid sentence, they’re standing at the doc Genevieve has a blush on her face as well, and she shakes her head. 

“We’re going to take a walk. We’ll be back in an hour.” She beams and grabs ahold of your brother's hand and they make their way being painfully obvious. 

You and Javier slowly look at each other with a smirk. 

“They’re about to bone.” 

“Ew.” You groan, looking at the backs of their heads as they slowly disappear. 

The two of you sit in silence for a moment, Javier’s eyes hot on your chest. You suck in a breath, your breasts moving against your tiny bikini top. Javier looks absolutely starved and truthfully, so are you. He clears his throat.

“Should we-”

“Yes.” He blurts, standing and pulling you with him. You laugh and check your surroundings and hold his hand. 

“They went that way, we can go over here.” 

The sky is almost pink, hopefully you could see the sunset from where you drag him. You walk in front of him with your arm folded behind you, you guide him this time and to be fair you did lose the race to the water earlier. There’s nothing more fitting than a hookup amongst the trees of your lake. Your sandals crunch through leaves as you inch farther into the greenery, no carved out path but you make sure not to go too far. In silence the two of you find a tree out of sight and close enough to home base. 

You drop his hand and turn to face him, “So-” He’s already got you pinned against the tree, attacking at your mouth. Kissing so roughly you stumble and hold his shoulders for support. He breaks away and you’re left panting. “Javi-”

But he’s licking a stripe from your shoulder and up your neck, sucking just below your ear. “Taste like salt and coconut, so sweet.” He grunts and drops to his knees. You gape at the sight of Javier on his knees, in the dirt, his nose skimming your bikini bottom that had that unwashable scent of sunscreen and chlorine from a pool trip last summer. You lean forward and nails digging into his tanned shoulder blades. His hands engulf the back of your thighs while his soft face rubs along your clothed mound, inhaling and kissing you. Worshiping you. “Always wanted to see you in a tiny bikini, want to slide it to the side and make you come on my tongue.” He looks up at you, and drags his pointer finger at your folds as they show through your daisy printed bikini bottoms. 

You shut your eyes tightly and take in a deep breath. 

“I was the last to the water. Stand up.” You say as demanding as possible but truly you were about to crumble. He furrows his brow in protest but you keep your distance, and you switch positions. Dropping down to your knees, your back faces the tree and he cages you in. Your heart races every time it’s up to you and purely your skill to get him off. Even though you have done far less to get him to come in his pants, putting your mouth on him still makes you nervous. 

You suppose that’s why it also still makes you so wet. Your knees crunch against leaves, you waste no time palming him like you usually do, he’s hard—he’s been hard all day. Fingernails hook in the waistband of his swim trunks and his throbbing cock sprang out, hitting his bare chest before settling. It’s so red it’s nearly purple. You pout, “Oh Javi-I’m sorry I made you wait so long. Will you let me take care of this?” You widen your eyes like he needs any convincing, brown, wide and glossy. 

His throat bobs and he nods, running one hand down the back of your head. “Yeah querida, please-oh fuck.” You give him no time to think straight before you’re dragging the tip of his cock against your sticky lips. Just teasing the entrance you’ll let him fuck for a bit. Your brows screw together and you reach your unused hand down to your breasts. Pinching and squeezing, Javier isn’t sure what to focus on. Javier crowds your hand with his, guiding himself on your lips. “Please Andrea, open up–you're killing me.”

You sit perfectly on your heels, attempting to release any tension he caused when he was on his knees just a minute ago. You’re about to open your mouth when Javier roughly grabs your chin and your mouth pops open by force. You feel your bikini bottoms soaking more at the new harshness in his hold, and your mouth is finally crowded by his length. “Mnmm-” He thrusts the blunt head at the back of your throat. He continues rolling his hips while you attempt to catch up with your tongue, your eyes flash up at him in utmost desire. Being used, letting him use you makes you feel the most in control you’ve ever experienced. You move your hand from your breasts to cup his balls. “Don’t you dare-fuck–keep touching yourself.” He gravels out.

You nod and make a sobbing noise around him. Letting him go you slip your hands back down your body.  He gravels out.

You nod and make a sobbing noise around him. Letting him go you slip your hands back down your body. Rubbing yourself through your nylon clad cunt, digging your nails into his thigh while you touch yourself through your bikini. His eyes were screwed shut while he rolls his hips against your face until your lips are close to the base of him, you gag. His hand grabs the back of your hair and separates you from his cock with a gasp and a string of spit connecting the two of you. Your cheeks are stained with tears and you look up at his face. His face concerned while he runs his hand from his hair down to your cheek, wiping your lip free of spit. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles.

He’s being so gentle and your brows furrow. You didn’t want gentle, with a frown you grab his hand and guide it to the back of your head once more, taking him back into your mouth. “Fuck— baby-baby I’m gonna come.” His hips stutter and you relax your throat to take him farther once more. He comes with a moan of your name and a tight grip at your hair that stings. He fills your mouth and all you could do is breathe through your nose while he folds over with both hands gripping the tree behind you. 

He softens in your mouth and you decide to part. Swallowing and licking your lips you wipe your eyes free of tears. During your self recovery Javier exhales and tucks himself away. Head blurry, Javier reaches down to stand you up right from under your arms. He wipes dirt from your knees and kisses your hip bone while he’s down there. “Thank you. You’re always so good.” Your cheeks warm. 

“I know.” 

He shakes his head at your comment and kisses you roughly, pinning you against the tree. You stand on your tip-toes and hold his shoulders to push back into the kiss. His large calloused hands cover your entire waistline, sliding slowly to your lower back—goosebumps rising like it’s the first time. He takes an entire handful of your ass, kneading and rolling. You didn’t have the biggest behind and you surely didn’t have the biggest breasts but he still touched you like you were carved by Michelangelo. 

There’s no breeze in this heat, but branches rustle as if footsteps approach. “Mmm—I love you.” He whispers against your lips. A sun sets in your heart, in complete bliss you smile against him.

“I love you too.”

“I fucking knew it!”

You and Javier jump from each other with a gasp. Genie stands five feet away with a thrilled look. 

“We-“ You begin, your heart beats out of your chest. “How long were you there for!”

She cackles, “I only saw minor groping and I love you— you guys I’m so excited right now—“

“It’s um-“ Javier begins and his voice dies before rubbing his head. 

“No-no don’t explain it to me. I won’t tell Frankie or anything but if you two are serious which you just said I love you so… well Frankie will get over it just you should tell him. Tell him after the honeymoon he’d be too busy being my husband to care.” She rambles as she usually does when she’s thrilled. 

“We’re dating.” Javier states and you could burst into flames. 

You smile and nod, “We were planning on waiting until after the wedding to tell anyone.” 

He looks to you with a smile and Genie squeals running between the two of you and hooking arms. 

“Okay, tell me everything. I’ve been waiting years for this.”

#javier peña #javier peña x ofc #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena x you #javier peña smut #ao3 #fanfic #javier peña narcos #javier pena x reader

[comfort-writing]

Crayons and Cassettes

Chapter 12: Girls Day

You are a kindergarten teacher. Eddie’s daughter, Sage, is in your class. The rumor mill around Hawkins begins to spiral. Sage goes to the movies.

warnings: this fic is 18+ in previous and future chapters- minors DNI!! no use of y/n. (please let me know if I missed anything)

a/n: sorry for not updating yesterday- I wanted to take a little break. I hope this longer fluffy chapter makes up for it. let me know in the comments or my asks if you want to be added to the tag list! requests are open!

word count: 5.2k

Chapter 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 || 11 || 12 || 13 || 14 (coming soon!)

When you got a phone call from Robin asking if you wanted to hang out with her, you immediately took her up on her offer.

You were really looking forward to just having some one on time time with a friend. Although you’d definitely been welcomed into the little group, having an invitation to just hang out one on one made you feel like you really belonged.

Robin came over and watched you do your makeup, watching carefully so she could try to replicate parts of it. You taught her how to do the eyeliner look she liked too; there was a small mishap, however, it was nothing a makeup wipe and a little concealer couldn’t fix.

Once you were ready, the two of you piled into her car and she drove you into town. You stopped at some diner, a place called Benny’s, and the two of you squeezed into a booth that had probably seen better days.

“What have you been up to since I saw you at Steve’s?” You asked her, curious to know if anything exciting happened.

She shrugged, “Well, not much. I mainly did laundry and worked. But,” she said, lowering her voice to a whisper after scanning the restaurant to see if anyone was listening, “a new girl started at work, and oh my god, she is so pretty.” She smiled.

You raised an eyebrow, “Ooh.. do you think she’s…?” You asked.

“I don’t know- that’s the problem. She just moved here from Chicago. Said she and her” she added air quotes, “‘partner’ broke up and she needed a change of scenery. Why she moved here I literally cannot fathom, but I don’t know.”

“Hey, I moved here for the exact same reason. It’s a good place- not expensive, plenty of jobs.. but that’s beside the point.” You rambled, “Did she like, say partner in a casual way, or like she was trying to not say another word?” You asked, leaning in and keeping your voices quiet.

“I-“ Robin was quickly interrupted by a scrawny high school age kid who wore the Benny’s uniform, asking what you guys wanted to order.

Once he was out of earshot, Robin leaned back in and whispered, “Like I said, I really don’t know. But she totally has a vibe about her.”

“A vibe?” You asked, a little confused.

“Yeah, dude.” She chuckled, “Like, she has a septum piercing and streaks of pink in her hair. I mean, you’ve at least got to break a few social norms to do that.”

You considered it for a moment, “Yeah, I guess so. But listen, I don’t want you to get your hopes up too much.” You said quietly. “I don’t want you to get hurt- emotionally or physically.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I’ll be careful. You forget I’ve been doing this for a while.” She chuckled. Robin had grown out of her awkwardness a bit as she’d aged, though there were definitely still traces of it in the way she would talk to loud when she was excited or would say something a little off topic because her mind ran faster than her mouth. It was endearing, though.

The teenager came back with your drinks; you’d ordered both ordered waters as well as milkshakes. You played it safe and got cookies and cream, while Robin ordered some strawberry-blueberry-chocolate-banana-peanut butter monstrosity. She smiled, “I’ve been coming here since high school, and I have perfected my milkshake order. You’ve got to try it.”

You wrinkled your nose at the thought, “Sorry, Robin, but I would probably die from all the sugar in that thing.” You laughed.

She shrugged and took a sip, smiling at the taste of the weirdly dark green liquid. You had no idea how it ended up that color, but you really didn’t want to know.

“How’s Eddie?” She asked, changing the subject from her love life to yours.

“He’s good. I haven’t been able to see him since you have, which kinda stinks. He’s been working a lot. I was thinking about stopping by the record store tomorrow just to drop in and say hi, but Sage goes there and hangs out while he works, so I don’t know if he’d be okay with it.” You sighed. You missed him.

“Does he not want you around her?” She inquired.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that. But we just kinda want to know where we’re at before bringing her into it. It’s not easy on a little kid to see their parent with someone new, you know?” You informed her, sympathetic to Sage’s feelings.

“Well, how do you feel about it all?” She asked.

You furrowed your brows, a little confused, “What do you mean?”

“Like, you know… how do you feel about keeping the two of you apart from the two of them? If you and Eddie do end up working out… have you thought about what you would be to Sage?” She asked.

You’d been so caught up in being worried about Sage’s feelings that you really hadn’t considered your own at that point. You pondered the possibilities for a moment, sipping on your milkshake. “Well… I mean, I’m okay with keeping it from Sage for a while. I think that’s normal for anyone who has kids, you know? Making sure your relationship is sound before introducing the concept to a child… and I really haven’t thought about what I would be to Sage..”

“Would you ever want to be her step-mom?” She asked, “That’s kind of the end goal there.”

You hummed and focused on the black and white liquid in your glass, “I-I don’t know. I don’t think I’m against it at all, but I don’t know if I’d be a good mom. Like, yeah, I know I’m good with kids, but I’ve always kind of approached them in almost a scientific way, if that makes sense? I know there’s a method to how you should talk and interact with them, at least in a school setting, in order to help them learn and grow. But I am really only trained for kids 6 and below. And I just… worry, I guess, about like.. messing her up or something.” You sighed, your insecurities showing a bit.

Robin reached her hand across the table and patted your arm, “Dude, you are like, the most motherly non-mom I’ve ever met. I’m positive you’d be good at it. Yeah, you’d make some mistakes, but every parent does. And I’m willing to bet that Eddie and Sage would help you through the process of figuring it all out.” She smiled.

“I guess so… but that’s probably years down the line before that would actually happen, so at least I’ve got time to get used to the idea.” You chuckled.

The waiter came back with your food, and you and Robin dug in. As you ate your french fries, a familiar face walked into the door: Mrs. Robinson, the other kindergarten teacher. She spotted you and you waved. She smiled and walked over to your table.

“Hey, Mrs. Robinson.” You greeted, smiling and cordial. “This is my friend, Robin.” You said, chuckling at the similar names.

“Oh, I know Robin.” She hummed, “She was one of my students years ago.” She’d definitely aged from the time Robin had been in her class, but she still looked and dressed the same. “And you can just call me Anne outside of work.”

Robin smiled up at her, “Nice to see you again.”

“Care to join us?” You asked, trying to be polite.

“Oh, thank you, but my husband is on his way here.” She smiled, then you saw it falter for a moment, “But I do have something to ask you.”

You raised an eyebrow, scooting over so she could sit next to you in the booth, “What is it?” You asked, having no clue as to what she could possibly ask you about.

“Well, I heard a rumor.. and I really just wanted to clear the air about it. I have no doubt in my mind that it’s not true, but I just wanted to confirm with you.” She said, waving her hand dismissively at the idea.

“What did you hear?” You asked, having a sinking feeling you knew where this was going.

“Well,” she started, clothing her purse close to her and leaning in, “I heard that you and that Eddie Munson boy were dating.” She chuckled, “Ridiculous, right? You wouldn’t go out with a boy like that- he’s not.. well, he’s from the wrong side of the tracks, literally.”

You felt Robin’s eyes on you, and you could practically feel her anger bubble, but you decided to keep it simple and professional.

“Oh, actually, Anne, I am. Dating Eddie, that is.” You smiled warmly, though you kind of wanted to punch her in the leg for how rude she’d been about it.

She looked utterly scandalized. “What?” She asked, clutching her purse in her lap, “Why- why would you ever do that, dear? Is your head screwed on straight?” She’d dropped her usually pretentious manner at this point, while you remained, outwardly, cool as a cucumber.

“Well, he’s a good man.” You said, slightly emphasizing the last word to correct her use of the word ‘boy’. “He has a good job, he just bought a home, and he is kind to everyone around him. I don’t see how that’s a bad thing.” You stated simply.

She sighed, grabbing your hand and holding it desperately. You wanted to smack it away, but you refrained, “Dear, he’s bad news.. he got a girl pregnant during his third repeat of senior year in high school. He notoriously deals drugs, he listens to that awful devil-worshiper music, he’s got these horrendous tattoos, and I mean, you’ve seen the way he dresses…and I heard that he was the leader of some Satanic-cult when he was younger.” She pleaded. “I don’t know how that precious baby girl hasn’t been taken from his home- it’s not safe.”

The longer the list became, the more agitated you felt, but you couldn’t let it show. If you made a scene, you’d only spur the rumors on. You took a deep breath, “Anne, he is a good man.” You reiterated, “Sure, he may have an eclectic sense of fashion and off-beat music taste, but that’s really all there is to it. He’s not a drug dealer, I like his tattoos, and the so-called ‘cult’ you’re referring to is just a storytelling game. It’s quite dorky, if I’m being honest.” You chuckled. “Plus, he is an amazing dad. He provides everything for Sage- she literally has anything she could ever want. And he’s involved. He came to every parent teacher conference, every recital, and he read to her every night to ensure she was excelling in school. He does a great job with her, and honestly, I think it’s a shame that more people done see that.” You paused for a moment before continuing, “You judge him based on his outward appearance and silly rumors you hear around town. But, if you had an actual conversation with him, you’d know that he is kind and genuine and absolutely hilarious.” You felt Robin smile with pride at your sentiments. “It’s quite foolish to think that anyone is not worth more than what you’ve heard about them, don’t you think?”

Mrs. Robinson shook her head and let your hand go, moving to get up, “I’m only trying to help you out, dear.”

“I appreciate that, but I can take care of myself.” You said coolly. “I’ll see you in our professional development workshop in two weeks.” You said, smiling like none of this phased you.

She left to go sit with her husband, and you looked over at Robin. “Woah, dude.. you’re like, the most level headed person I’ve ever met.” She mused.

Your smile turned strained, “Well I’m not about to be. Let’s go so I can say some choice words about what just occurred.” You said through gritted teeth.

Robin smiled and nodded quickly, digging cash out of her purse and slamming it on the table as the two of you got up from the table.

Once her car was out of the parking lot and onto the main road, your hands were flying around in the air as you yelled, Robin cackling in the drivers seat.

“What the absolute fuck was her problem?! First of all, how is it any of her business who I choose to be with? I don’t give a fuck about her old bag of a husband, so why should she care what I do outside of school? Secondly, how the hell can she just judge someone based off of shifty rumors that were spread about him fucking years ago! Like, how fucking shallow can you be! Lastly, how dare she have the nerve to sit there and call Eddie a bad dad! He’s literally one of the best parents out there, hands down. Ugh, I want to show her Sage’s scores alone compared to her entire class just to shove that shit in her face!”

Robin laughed, “Yeah, literally what was her problem?” She asked, “And oh my god, you should have seen her fucking face when you said you two were going out! She looked like you’d shit in her cereal!” She cackled. “And how were you so calm? Oh my god you should take up acting! You have an amazing talent there- you should really capitalize on it!”

You groaned, “Well if I was even the slightest bit rude to her, she could’ve confirmed that he was like, ‘ruining me’, or whatever else she and her friends talk about when they gawk at the freshly eighteen lifeguards at the pool.” That made Robin laugh so hard to the point where she had to pull over in a random parking lot so she wouldn’t crash her car. “She also could’ve come for my job somehow. So I really wanted to kill her with kindness. Really let her choke on it.”

“Hell yeah, man” Robin said, holding her sides as you joined her laughter. “But seriously, you should’ve seen her face when you didn’t give her any sort of a reaction. She looked like she was going to explode.”

The two of you howled in her car, eventually dying down and wiping stray tears and hiding your sore stomachs. Once the two of you recovered, you guys looked up and saw that you were actually in the parking lot of the record store and that Eddie was in the window, staring at the both of you with the most bewildered look on his face. He looked like a lost puppy, raising an eyebrow and cocking his head to the side. You and Robin made eye contact again, paused for a moment, then bursted out into peals of laughter yet again.

Since he’d already spotted the two of you, you both d decided to head inside the store. You got out of the car, shut the door, and linked your arm with Robin’s as the two of you walked in, still giggling.

“What is going on with you two?” Eddie asked, your laughter infecting him and making him chuckle.

“Sorry- it’s really not funny.” Robin sighed, “It’s actually kinda shitty, but it’s ridiculous, so it’s a little funny.”

You nodded, releasing Robin’s arm so she could go look around the store while you turned to Eddie to explain. “My coworker, Mrs. Robinson, you remember her?” You asked.

Eddie nodded.

“Well, Robin and I went to Benny’s. She walked in and criticized my choice in men, essentially.. Were really laughing at how I basically stone faced my way through it and she looked like she was going to shit her pants.” You sighed, rubbing a hand through your hair.

“Oh..” he whispered, sticking his hands in his pockets, looking a little dejected.

“I defended you, though, I swear.” You assured him, reaching out to grab his forearm gently. “I didn’t just like, let her bad mouth you. I just kind of… told her off with a smile on my face.”

Eddie shook his head quickly, “Oh, I have no doubt that you did that. I just-“ he placed his hand over the one you’d placed on his arm, “I hate that you’re catching flack for this. Hawkins isn’t an easy town for the unconventional.” He whispered, looking a little sad.

You raised an eyebrow, “Eddie, my skin is thicker than you think. I can put up with a lot of shit. And I really don’t care what other people think, as long as we’re good.” Your hand dropped from his arm to his hand, “The literal only reason I waited was because of my job. Hawkins’ opinion of me is irrelevant.”

He sighed and nodded, leaning in and kissing your forehead gently, “You’re kind of a badass.” He mumbled into your hair.

Robin overheard that statement and smiled, “Hell yeah she is, man. You should’ve seen her- so calm and relaxed while also ripping that old fart a new one. It was great.”

You laughed, leaning into Eddie‘s touch for a moment before he had to get back to work. “Hope you don’t mind we stopped in. We weren’t planning on it.”

He waved a hand dismissively as he went back to alphabetizing records, “You guys are always welcome.”

“Is Sage here?” You asked in a whisper.

He nodded, “She’s in the break room in the back. I’m sure she’ll run out here soon- she’s almost finished with her snack. I bet she’ll be happy to see you guys. The poor girl has been so bored all day, I just can’t exactly give her much to do.”

You nodded and started walking around the store, deciding to get some music while you were there. You peeled over to Robin’s stack of cassettes, which consisted of the usual pop stuff you’d hear on the radio.

It didn’t take long for Sage to wander out of the back of the store. She first ran to Eddie, who pointed to you and Robin, whispering something you couldn’t hear. She beamed and ran over to where the two of you stood, yelling your names and pulling Robin’s legs into a bear hug before doing the same to your own.

“Hey, kiddo!” Robin smiled, “How ya doin’?”

“I’m so booorrreeeddd.” Sage groaned, tossing her head back dramatically. She looked just like her dad in that moment and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“I’m sorry, Sage.” You sighed, “But, I might have something you can do.”

She picked her head up and eyed you suspiciously, “What?”

You crouched down to her level, “I need help finding some good music. Can you help me pick some stuff out?” You asked, Robin chiming in a short, “Me too.”

Sage beamed, excited to have a mission to complete. She grabbed one of yours and one of Robin’s hands enthusiastically and led you two through the store, pointing at the sections she liked, which mostly consisted of kids records. You guys played along, picking up records and examining each one and making a show out of either putting them in your pile or wrinkling your nose and putting them back, making her laugh.

You were so focused that you didn’t notice how Eddie had lost his focus. His eyes trained on you as you humored his daughter, helping her combat her boredom. The corners of his mouth twitched into a small smile, his chest swelling with a mixture of pride and joy. He loved that the two of you were friends.

Robin spotted him while you were busy making Sage giggle by holding a record up to the light like you were inspecting a dollar bill. She smirked at him, seeing how he was watching you, causing a blush to bloom across his cheeks and making him whip his head back to his work quickly.

Robin turned back to you and whispered something in your ear, and you smiled and nodded at the idea. She then walked up to Eddie, clapping him on the back, causing him to jump a little.

“Hey buddy old pal.” She chuckled.

Eddie sighed and looked down at the girl, having a feeling she was up to something, “What do you want, Buckley?” He deadpanned.

She laughed loudly, “Oh shut up, I’m trying to help you.” She took a beat before nudging him, “You want us to take Sage off your hands for a couple hours? We were planning on going to see a movie later, so we could take Sage with us so she doesn’t have to sit around here all day. It would be a great way for the two of them to bond too.”

Eddie thought about it for a moment, wishing that he could’ve been the one going with the two of you instead of Robin. “Yeah, sure. Just- we aren’t telling Sage about us yet, so could you please be on your best behavior?” He asked her.

She smiled and nodded before spinning on her heel and going back over to you, nodding her head like a little kid who’d just been told they could have a sleepover. You smiled and continued searching the store with her.

After you’d been convinced to buy a couple random cassettes by Sage, you walked over to Eddie hand in hand with his daughter, “Hey, we’re ready to check out.” You smiled.

Eddie turned and nodded, heading to the register and trying not to get flustered by your smile and how you interacted with his daughter. He’d tried to date in the past, but everyone had quickly bolted when they’d heard about his kid. So seeing you embrace her, while also liking him, felt like some kind of miracle.

You placed your items on the counter and picked up Sage and placed her there as well, “So, dad, can Sage come with us to the movies?” You asked, acting like she was one of the girls. “We’ll only let her have all the popcorn and candy and soda she could ever want.”

Sage’s eyes lit up and she looked at Eddie excitedly, “Please?” She asked, giving him her best puppy-dog eyes. You copied her face, trying not to giggle.

He looked between the two of you, “You guys are going to be the death of me.” He chuckled, “But sure, Sage. You can go. We’ll just have to make sure we brush your teeth extra good before bed, okay?”

She nodded and smiled like it was Christmas morning, squealing and hugging you. You smiled and patted her back, watching Eddie put your items in a paper bag. She released you and you leaned over the counter, resting your elbows on the cool surface, “You want me to drop her off at your house after?” You asked.

He nodded, “Yeah, I get off work at 6, so I should be home by the time the movie gets out.” He handed you your bag and Robin walked up to purchase her items as well.

Once the two of you had everything, Robin picked up the bags and you picked up Sage, holding her on your hip like you’d been doing so for years. Eddie wanted to pull you into a kiss right then, but he knew better. That would’ve really confused Sage.

Robin smiled, “Well, thanks for letting us kidnap your child. We’ll be sure to spoil her so she won’t sleep tonight.” She joked.

The two of you walked back out to her car, and you buckled Sage into the back seat. “Oh, I think I forgot something inside. I’ll be right back.” You smiled before closing her door and walking into the shop. Robin knew exactly what you were doing, but she turned and talked to Sage to keep her occupied until you came back.

You walked back into the empty record shop and Eddie looked at you from the counter, “Hey- everything okay?” He asked. You smiled and walked behind the counter, then grabbed his hand and dragged him to the back room, which made him raise his eyebrows raise in shock, “What are you do-“

Once you were out of the field of view of the parking lot, you pulled Eddie down to kiss you. He was a bit surprised at first, but after a moment, he leaned into it and kissed you back, his arms wrapping around your waist.

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders and he pulled you close, melting into your presence. After a moment, he broke the kiss slowly and looked down at you, a little starstruck, “What was that about?” He asked, smiling against your lips, neither of you having backed away.

“I don’t care what anyone thinks. I like you.” You whispered, making eye contact with him and keeping him close.

He hummed, “I don’t either. And I like you too.” He leaned in once more and kissed you again, humming against your lips before you two separated, stepping back. “By the way, totally unfair that Sage gets a movie date before I do.”

You chuckled, “Our first date was a movie.”

“Yeah, but there wasn’t movie theatre popcorn.”

“Well I’m free this weekend if you want to go.”

He nodded and pecked you one more time before you turned and walked out, Eddie smacking your ass lightly as you walked away, causing you to giggle and roll your eyes as you left the store.

The ride to the theatre was filled with terrible singing, as Robin insisted on cranking up the radio and rolling the windows down. Once you guys pulled into the movie theatre parking lot, you helped Sage get out and the two of you held her hands, lifting her up and swinging her as you walked into the theatre.

You guys picked a child appropriate movie to watch, bought the tickets, then raided the concession stand, buying way more snacks than the three of you could consume within a 2 hour window. You found your seats and got comfy, passing the popcorn bucket between the three of you, Sage in the middle and having to use both hands, as the thing was half her size.

The movie started and Sage was transfixed, giggling at the obvious jokes while you and Robin chuckled at the jokes they included for the adults in the room. When she’d had her fill of the snacks, Sage sighed and leaned against you, resting her little head on your arm. You moved it and allowed her to rest on your side as you wrapped an arm around her.

You looked over at Robin, who’d noticed the sweet scene, and smiled softly. She gave you a subtle thumbs up and turned her attention back to the screen.

Eventually, Sage fell asleep against you, her head having slowly drifted to your lap with tired eyes. You played with her hair as she slept, and you and Robin sat through the rest of the movie, whispering “that’s what she said” every time the joke could’ve been set up.

Once the credits rolled, you slowly moved and picked Sage up, letting her sleep as you walked out to the car. You had to rouse her when you got in, though, as she needed to sit up so you could buckle her in. She whined, but complied, sleepy and rubbing her eyes.

The ride over to Eddie’s was quiet, the radio playing softly as you watched Hawkins pass outside of the window. Robin pulled into Eddie’s driveway and you suddenly realized that you hadn’t been to his house yet.

Sage had fallen asleep again in the backseat, so you slowly got her out, telling Robin that you had it- don’t worry. She stayed in the car as you walked to the front door and knocked, rubbing Sage’s back as you waited for him to answer.

Eddie opened the door and saw his baby girl asleep in your arms. The sight made his knees feel a little weak. “Hey.” He whispered, stepping aside to let you in.

You smiled and walked into his house. It was cozy. There weren’t many decorations, but there was a killer music collection in the living room, bookshelves lined with cassettes and records and CDs, along with a few different ways to play the music. An acoustic guitar sat in the corner, covered in sparkly princess stickers, courtesy of Sage. A bin of toys sat beside the couch, and Sage had apparently set up a stuffed animal tea party at the bar in the kitchen. You really wouldn’t have expected anything else. It was perfect.

“Sorry it’s kind of a mess.” He whispered.

You shook your head, “It’s fine.” You adjusted Sage on your hip, “Where’s her room? I can just go lay her down.”

He led you down a hallway and to a room that looked like a rainbow sparkle unicorn barfed in it. It was so cute. You laid Sage down in her little bed before you and Eddie snuck out. You stretched as the two of you walked back to the living room, “You have a good day at work?” You asked, raising your arms above your head and stretching your back.

“Yeah. The usual, I guess. Seeing you was nice.” He smiled, reaching over and placing a hand on your waist, “Thank you for taking Sage. She was so bored. I feel bad- I really can’t afford a regular babysitter during the summers, so I just take her with me. There’s a tv and stuff in the break room, but having to entertain yourself for that long when you’re five years old is not easy.”

You nodded, “Of course, Eddie. I love hanging out with her.” You hummed, “And if she’s ever bored again, you can always call me and I can take her for the day.”

“You don’t have to do that.” He said softly.

“Yeah, I don’t. But Sage is a fun kid. Plus it’ll get me out of the house. I feel like I’m rotting in there.” You joked.

He chuckled, “Thank you.” He whispered before pulling you in for a hug. You hugged him back, taking in how he smelled: dust from the record store, a stale cigarette, coffee, and cologne mixed into an interesting and intoxicating smell that was distinctly him. You backed out of the hug, then looked down the hallway to ensure Sage wasn’t walking down it before leaning up and kissing him sweetly.

“I’ll see you this weekend?” You asked, looking hopeful.

He nodded, “Of course. I can’t wait.” He smiled.

You nodded and left his house, piling back into Robin’s car and driving off, feeling warm and fuzzy all over. Maybe you could let yourself start to think about the future a little more.

Tag List: @mcueveryday @bebe0701 @emma77645 @edsforehead @manda-panda-monium @nina211544 @wendyfawcett @whisperinthewoods07

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things #dad!eddie munson #dad!eddie munson x reader #singledad!eddie munson #singledad!eddie munson x reader #em #slow burn #strangers to friends to lovers #fanfic #teacher!reader #eddie x reader

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

What if the reader has been bugging Craig to trim his facial hair and he finally says that if she wants it done, she has to do it. So they go into the bathroom and she makes him sit down so she can reach his face (activate size kink). She straddles his lap to trim his beard and when she's done he ends up playfully picking her up and manhandling her into the shower (no points for guessing where I got that from 😏).

Viking

Summary: That monstrosity of a beard has to go!!

Pairing: Craig Cody x fem!Reader

Word Count: -1.7k

Content Warnings: Domestic Smut 18+!, Mentions Of Covid-Lockdowns (Ugh..), Pet Names, Sloppy Shower Sex, Unprotected P In V, Creampie

A/N: This request has been collecting dust in my inbox for over a year now… Gemma, I’m so so so sorry but still: SURPRISE!!! (Please no one talk to me about Ben’s current short haircut, okay?! I’m still in active denial about it…)

I'm low-key embarrassed to post this bcs I'm so terribly rusty crusty in writing Craig...

Tagging:

@hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @ysmmsy

Out of the corner of your eye, you shot Craig next to you a glance. Both of you were busy brushing your teeth and the only sound present was the scrubbing of plastic bristles between your jaws.

“What?” He huffed, pausing in his movement for a moment whilst meeting your assessing gaze.

“Your beard.” You stated bluntly, pulling the toothbrush from your mouth, ready to spit the amalgamation of liquified toothpaste and saliva into the sink below.

“What’s with that?” His eyebrows knit together in a slight wave of confusion as he watched you emptying your mouth before flushing it with a cap of mouthwash right after.

“It’s…uhm, it’s kinda grown a bit, don’t you think?” You turned your head to look at him again, dollops of frothed-up, minty toothpaste splattered all throughout that hairy monstrosity covering the lower half of his face.

“And?” Craig pushed, still not really getting the notion of what you were on about.

“It looks dirty…it’s giving a little homeless, Craig.” A grin formed around your lips as you watched his facial expression render into a small pout.

Following you, he cleared his mouth from the toothpaste and placed the brush back into a cup, where it awaited its next use right next to yours.

“Just a little homeless, yeah?” Craig playfully nudged your side with his elbow.

“No actually, it’s giving full-on caveman style… Viking wildman unkempt.” It fell from your mouth in a chuckle although you meant every word of it.

“Uh-huh..”, He gathered some water from the faucet in the curved palm of his broad hand to wash the leftover toothpaste residue out of his beard, “And you are so incredibly bothered by that, yeah? Am I getting that right?”

With a soft smile ghosting over his lips, Craig cocked an eyebrow at you whilst still leaning over the sink, droplets of water cascading through the scruffy mess of chestnut-brown facial hair.

“Yes, in fact, you are getting that right.” You stated, reciprocating that little pout and crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“Well, if you feel so unspeakably distressed by the pure manliness in my face you better be the one to trim it because I, for sure, won’t.” He shut the faucet off, throwing you a teasing glance.

“Be my guest, Craig!”, He didn’t need to hand you that invitation twice, “Let me grab them scissors while you sit down right here.”

You pointed your head toward the wide edge of the bathtub behind you before you leaned down to fish for a pair of barber-grade scissors from the drawer below the sink. On occasion, you used them to cut your own hair, a little thing you’d taught yourself during the seemingly endless lockdowns not so long ago.

“Okay, okay, Miss Beard-Police.” In an amicable mocking manner, Craig threw his hands up a little whilst walking past you to take a seat on the edge of the bathtub. 

Even in a sitting posture, Craig was tall. Stupidly tall as you liked to call it at times. His broad shoulders easily cupped your frame when he hugged you and getting on your toes for a kiss barely helped. 

“Don’t be such a pussy about it, Craig, it just needs a good trim and some shape to it. It’s not like I wanna cut it all off.” You stated in a gentle chuckle, your brows furrowing at the thought of where to start with this eyesore.

“I’m not a pussy about it.”, He taunted you playfully, “May I remind you that you never, not once complained about this piece of art in my face when you sat on it, huh?”

“Uh…hearsay! Dismissed!” You shot right back, leaning in to twirl the chin section of his beard together to separate it from the rest.

“Pfft, dismissed…” Craig scoffed in amusement, rolling his eyes a little as he watched you doing your work. 

As soon as the middle part was sectioned off, you trimmed the outer sides first for a good few parts, cut-off bristles raining down all over his chest and collarbone. 

“Oh no…that feels like a lot..” He sighed play-pretend melodramatically, letting his shoulders hang loose.

“You sound like me at the hairdresser’s…pussy.” It rolled over your tongue in a quiet cackle.

“Daring today are we, hm?” Craig arched his brows at you whilst you straightened the middle part out again to match it in its length and form, acknowledging how much he treasured that grown-out goatee situation.

“Oh, are we feeling a lil’ triggered by your woman being in the right here, huh?” You pushed it further, administering some final snips to bring the whole thing together.

“There we go. All done and presentable again.” Satisfied with your work, you took a step back and placed the scissors on the sink.

With an uncertain expression on his face, Craig got up from the edge of the bathtub to take a look at himself in the mirror. For a moment, he studied his face, taking in the freshly cut and finely shaped form of his beard.

“It’s…hmhmm, it’s not too bad.” He concluded after a moment, turning his head towards you again. 

“See?” You nodded in agreement.

“But now…”, Craig started out before taking a wide step towards you to simply pick you from the tiles underneath your bare feet, “I got all those flimsy, cut-off hairs on me and that calls for a shower now, no?”

A halfway laughed-out shriek fell from your lips as you recognized his buff arms raising you off the floor, heaving you right into the tub before he stepped in himself. 

“Come here..” He pulled you right under the showerhead with him, opening up the faucet for a stream of comfortably cool water to wash over your bodies. 

Although the days neared the end of summer, the humid Californian heat was still rather unbearable hence the cold wetness running over your skin came as a welcome refreshment. You sighed out in relief before you felt Craig’s lips latching onto yours in a hungry kiss.

With eyes closed, you reciprocated it, allowing him to pull you even closer into his tall statue.

“Was kinda hard to sit still with you all naked in front of me, babe..” He groaned into your mouth, his hands wandering down your back to trace the curve of your behind with his fingertips.

“Oh, poor boy…” You chuckled back, a quiet moan escaping from your lips as you felt his palms cupping your ass. 

“It’s time for payback, hun.” Craig warned you before he tightened his grasp around your thighs, hoisting your legs up to wrap around his waist like it was nothing.

“Is that so?” You aimed to mock him a little, but instead, you nearly choked on your own words as Craig rocked his waist into your lap, letting you sink down on his hard-on inch by inch. 

“Fuck…” You mewled out, hiding your face in his chest whilst your hands clawed at his shoulders, nails drilling into his skin.

You felt Craig’s cock drilling into you slowly, spreading you open to accommodate his size until he was filling you all up to the brim. No matter how many times you’d already experienced this sensation, it still sent a shiver of goosebumps all over your body. 

“Not so bratty anymore now, huh?” Craig groaned, his lips brushing over your forehead before he started thrusting into you under the stream of water.

“J-just because I called you out as a pussy?” You murmured into the skin of his chest, trying to catch the breaths that he was set on knocking out of your lungs. 

“Yeah..”, He huffed back, rolling his hips against your crotch in a firm pace, “Exactly because of that, missy.” 

Your brain rattled, the gears inside turning, trying to come up with some sort of snarky remark but every stroke of his girth against your insides rendered you plain dumb on his cock, leaving you to whine and mewl into the curve of his neck. You sensed your brain converting into a big pile of fucked-out mush and you didn’t resist. With all your senses trained inwards to savor every thrust of his, you felt that tell-tale coil in your lower abdomen tightening up, getting ready to simply snap with the next, well-angled roll of his hips against yours.

“Oh, so needy all of a sudden…” Craig cooed into the crown of your head, still holding you close to his body whilst feeling your cunt clenching down around his cock in irregular contractions indicating your rapidly approaching orgasm. 

“Hmhm…” You haphazardly managed to moan out as your whole body turned rigid, your legs clasping around his hips as the first waves of your climax rippled through your system.

Nerve endings set ablaze, the sensation went straight to your brain, leaving it short-circuiting for a blissful split second and wiping every leftover thought from your mind. For all you knew, Craig fucked you right through your climax, your contracting and pulsing cunt pulling him in deeper until he spilled his load deep inside of you with one last deep rut into you.

“Goddamnit, fuck…” It rolled over his tongue in a guttural groan drawn right from the depths of his lungs before he pulled out of you, placing your shaky legs back into the tub as gently as his trembling arms allowed him to.

The mixture of your own arousal, his cum and the water from the shower head above trickled down between your thighs in a tacky avalanche only to vanish down the drain seconds later.

Whilst taking a few, much-needed deep breaths, you looked at each other with a stupidly wide grin smiling.

“Maybe…”; Craig muttered through the wash of water, “Maybe I should let you cut my beard more often.”

#tam rambles #craig cody #animal kingdom fanfic #animal kingdom tnt #craig cody x reader #craig cody × you #craig cody smut #ben robson

[circular-bircular]

I agree with a lot of criticisms of the endogenic community, but I've also seen exactly the same stuff in the traumagenic community.

I've seen plenty of traumagenic systems spread misinformation. A good chunk of syscoursers I see on here can't even get the definition of endogenic right. There's also stuff like making blanket statements that "real" systems do that I see almost constantly. Not to mention the entire fact that OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b aren't an actual diagnosis and the source of this is a DID resource that seems reputable.

It also feels like making abusers within the community an "endogenic thing" when it isn't. There are plenty of abusers in this community or people who use abuse tactics that are traumagenic systems. I've never seen any anti-endos call out these systems or abuse and harassment within their own community.

Not to mention how much endogenic systems with later in life trauma experience gatekeeping. Fucking hell I hate that syscourse with constant invalidation is a thing in a community where people DISSOCIATE. Which includes derealization. I literally can't interact with the CDD community half the time despite having OSDD because I will almost always get triggered to dissociate. Then people act all self assured about posting invalidation in the CDD tags because they don't see endogenic systems as people anyway.

These communities don't stop and end at Discord. Tumblr's plural community skews far younger than it does on other websites, hell if you use Reddit there's endogenics who are in their 30s and 40s on there.

I guess it's like yeah the endogenic community is bad on here, but the traumagenic community can be too.

(Honestly I'd also say a lot of endogenic harassment might also boil down to a trauma response. Being constantly told you don't exist weighs heavily down on a person's psyche and it's reasonable to lash out. I feel like whenever I interact at the community I hit my limit so quickly. There's a bit of a level of privilege non-endogenic systems have because they aren't the ones who's literal personhood and existence aren't constantly being questioned. Syscourse is a demeaning, awful experience.)

Okay. I'm finally done grading for the night. Time to tackle this monstrosity.

I agree with a lot of criticisms of the endogenic community, but I've also seen exactly the same stuff in the traumagenic community.

Let me just stop you right there, since I've been simmering over your ask the entire day and I don't feel like mincing words.

I have also criticized the traumagenic community.

In my experiences, I have had far less problems in traumagenic communities than in endogenic communities. To be fair, this is likely because I'm a traumagenic system, and I need spaces for myself.

If what you meant is anti-endo spaces, then I'm sorry to say that I'm not one for conflating CDD systems with being anti-endo. That's an entirely different argument.

I've seen plenty of traumagenic systems spread misinformation. A good chunk of syscoursers I see on here can't even get the definition of endogenic right. There's also stuff like making blanket statements that "real" systems do that I see almost constantly. Not to mention the entire fact that OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b aren't an actual diagnosis and the source of this is a DID resource that seems reputable.

Like I said, already addressed, even in the very post everyone's been so upset about. The post where I said "All sides have issues, but specific sides have specific issues." There are big issues in traumagenic spaces, such as the propensity for trauma bonding, or blanket statements about "real systems." But

I see that from endogenic spaces too, so please be clear if this is a "both sides have this problem" thing (which I said already) or a "traumagenic systems are worse about this" thing (which I disagree with). Also don't even bother being clear, because I don't think I wanna hear from you again due to the end of your ask.

I don't give a fuck about "official diagnosis" stuff in a community of individuals who are trying to survive. I don't care that 1A/1B are not "official diagnosis" stuff, particularly as it used to be used to describe DDNOS, and there are still systems alive today with that diagnosis. Like, have I not made it fucking clear on this blog that I don't care how people identify, as long as it isn't hurting anyone or going against the truth? The DSM is not the end-all-be-all of all things DID. That includes 1A/1B delineations.

It also feels like making abusers within the community an "endogenic thing" when it isn't. There are plenty of abusers in this community or people who use abuse tactics that are traumagenic systems. I've never seen any anti-endos call out these systems or abuse and harassment within their own community.

[Stares in flashbacks to the callout posts for that "self-identified MAP" anti-endo who killed themselves due to the harassment they received from the anti-endo community]

[Stares in flashbacks to the callout posts about SAS for literally every single fucking thing ever, despite not even identifying as anti-endo anymore]

[Stares in the shit I've kept to myself as a victim of people because my trauma is hard to overcome, and that shit stays in therapy]

[Stares in "I fucking call-out anti-endos on a regular basis, where the fuck have you been, it's just that the majority I see nowadays are blockable trolls who aren't worth the goddamn time, and as I ALREADY FUCKING SAID, I AM CALLING OUT THE BEHAVIOR OVER THE PEOPLE AT THIS POINT.]

Anyways.

Not to mention how much endogenic systems with later in life trauma experience gatekeeping. Fucking hell I hate that syscourse with constant invalidation is a thing in a community where people DISSOCIATE. Which includes derealization. I literally can't interact with the CDD community half the time despite having OSDD because I will almost always get triggered to dissociate. Then people act all self assured about posting invalidation in the CDD tags because they don't see endogenic systems as people anyway.

:exhausted:

I agree with this, anon. I really do. I'm so fucking tired of the lack of ability of anyone to find space or resources or what have you. But none of this was included in my criticisms, and wasn't the point I was making. If I want to make that point -- if I have the TIME to make that point, ffs -- then I will, because I was literally just talking about this with a friend today in DMs, about how it's bullshit how much is barred from pro-endo CDD systems.

But also.

Your triggers aren't our problems. I also get triggered by the CDD communities. Awww what a shame, it's called I have a fucking dissociative disorder. It's going to happen, and that's a neutral thing. I understand what you're getting at is that the gatekeeping is what's triggering you, but please understand, you're going to be triggered in CDD spaces.

These communities don't stop and end at Discord. Tumblr's plural community skews far younger than it does on other websites, hell if you use Reddit there's endogenics who are in their 30s and 40s on there.

[Stares in "I made this same exact point already"]

I guess it's like yeah the endogenic community is bad on here, but the traumagenic community can be too.

[Stares in "I made this same exact point already"]

And now...

The moment you've all been waiting for.

THIS BITCH?

(Honestly I'd also say a lot of endogenic harassment might also boil down to a trauma response. Being constantly told you don't exist weighs heavily down on a person's psyche and it's reasonable to lash out. I feel like whenever I interact at the community I hit my limit so quickly. There's a bit of a level of privilege non-endogenic systems have because they aren't the ones who's literal personhood and existence aren't constantly being questioned. Syscourse is a demeaning, awful experience.)

Let's dismantle this one, shall we?

Claim 1: Endogenic systems are harassing people because of trauma responses.

My opinion: Sure, why not? I think a lot of people harass others due to trauma responses. This does not excuse them or make them okay, and I will still continue to speak out against that shit. Being traumatized doesn't make you suddenly get a pass on being an asshole. But you say that it's reasonable to lash out? I don't think it is. I don't think I'm even being reasonable right now, because even though I have sat on this ask for... Lord only knows how many hours at this point, this came in while I was still grading my second period... Even despite that, I am still boiling at the entitlement. Because of your second claim.

Claim 2: Non-endogenic systems are privileged because they are "more recognized."

My opinion: My opinion is, if I ever see you on my blog again, I will be deleting everything I can see from you. Any asks, any comments, anything that seems to indicate it's you, anon, will be immediately deleted.

Let's rephrase this. DID systems are lucky they're traumatized. DID systems are lucky to be visibly struggling. DID systems are lucky because they have a diagnosis in the DSM.

Mind you, that diagnosis has been constantly challenged, and everywhere you look, it's still called a "controversial" diagnosis. Split came out in my lifetime. I grew up learning about Sybil in my psych classes, and I even learned how it was all fake and made up, and how MPD was made up because of Sybil. I had to force myself after weeks of agonizing, with the help of my partner, to try emailing a therapist for the help I so desperately needed, and braced myself entirely to be told that my literal actual life experience, my disorder, did not exist.

UwU Oh but don't worry, I definitely know I'm privileged. Because, you see, I do have a diagnosis! Which... lets me... get the life-saving therapy I need at a cheaper price? Which isn't very different from the endogenic systems I know who have various types of diagnosis for the same reason. Huh.

It's also so bold of you to pop up on my blog and say people don't question the existence of my disorder, when I have been so incredibly vocal about how the existence of my disorder was constantly questioned by pro-endo systems. Not anti-endo systems!!! Pro-endo ones!

Look past the edge of your nose, you sorry excuse for anon hate dressed up in a trench coat, and maybe perceive the forest around you.

#syscourse #venting #asks #anon #vessel on a calming sea #I am allowed to bitch about my experiences on my own goddamn blog

[imminent-danger-came]

Who do you think will try and help MK grapple with the issue of being the harbinger of chaos? (Obviously all his friends, but who would play the biggest role?)

Considering that some of the next season will presumably take place in the underworld, and that he‘s the only one who actually KNOWS about it; Macaque is actually a decently strong contender imo.

Which would be really fun- they‘re one of my favorite duos (MK is a bitch exclusively to Macaque and I love him for it) but I‘m holding out hope for some Sandy/Pigsy!

Since the curse of the scroll called them monstrosities, and they both seem to have lived with that kind of discrimination they would also have experience with figuring out your own identity despite it.

So them unknowingly helping MK when their past is revealed sounds fun!

And the MK‘s mental health takes a turn for the worse again in the special obviously. We can‘t have him become to stable after all!

Also, (sorry if you already talked about this before) What connection do you think the curse has to MK? If I‘m not misremembering anything he is the only one where it said 'we' (unless MK was in denial about something). Everybody else was 'you', but MK also accidentally said "we help people!". Even in the curses final scene it says "then prove us wrong." Us being the curse and MK, since he did end up believing what it said.

Do you think there is actually some credence to the curse calling MK the harbinger of chaos? Or is it just saying what MK is feeling since he caused so much damage on accident? Is MK being that harbinger actually destiny, or more something along the lines of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Answering this ask with another, because both kinda go into the same thing with the curse/memory:

-

So, in my dreams, Sandy is the one to help MK cope with his Monkey Demon identity for reasons I go into in this post (of course I want Mei to be the one to talk MK down initially, but as far as post-breakdown goes Sandy is my top contender—which those two work together to comfort MK a lot anyways, like in 2x06 and 3x04). But, if we had a Pigsy/Sandy tag-team duo while also going into their pasts, that would be awesome! Literally couldn't ask for anything more.

Macaque could also be interesting, being the one who was there for MK in 4x09 and 4x10, but he's also already given his advice: MK doesn't only have two choices, and nobody can decide who he is for him. But, well, the curse (who I think is undeniably part of MK) was the one who gave MK the title of "harbinger of chaos"—it wasn't anyone else. MK essentially gave himself that title. This would be a super interesting way for MK's arc to go, if it's headed this sort of direction, where MK can certainly decide who he wants to be, but what if he doesn't believe in that person, you know?

((Of course Macaque can offer up more advice, I'm just not sure Macaque advice is what MK needs right now.))

Next on the agenda: whatever the fuck MK is.

So I have this collection of screenshots where I highlight MK's weird connection with the underworld throughout the seasons, and I specifically want to call attention to the scroll emanating from MK not once, but both times he enters the scroll:

Bonus Shot of MK as part of his reflection motif, where his face lines up with the skull on screen:

MK: "Again!? Remind me how this 'game' is supposed to convince me I'm not destined to turn into an evil monkey demon thing again? Cause every option I pick takes me to this, same, screen!"

(4x10 The Jade Emperor) (Every option MK picks leading him to the same end? I'll take foreshadowing for 500!)

Which, the skull in the TV is very similar to LBD's skull in the Demon Revealing Mirror from 2x02:

All this to say: the Curse/the scroll and MK are connected somehow, meaning I'd take a gander that MK is also connect to memory in some form.

MK: "You're not my friend—you're NOT me!" Curse MK: "Sure I am! I'm your best friend, well, closest at least! I know more about you than you'll even admit—to yourself, or to others."

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

-

I think you could make the argument (which I'll probably write a full-fledged theory post on at some point), that Lady Bone Demon's original power source for her mech was MK, then switching to the Samadhi Fire later when that comes into play. LBD in ROTSQ, s2, and s3 threatens to erase the memory of Wukong/the world/Macaque, which is something that is notably absent in the s3 special. MK (plus maybe Wukong) being the original power source would help to explain why LBD wanted MK (+ Wukong) all throughout s3, and why she didn't immediately go ahead with her plans. She only says "Now, I will undo the memories of this world!" when she's confident that she has both the staff and MK. If MK were a being related to memory, using him as a power source could be a real possibility for how LBD originally planned to erase the memories of the world—then moving to the Samadhi Fire to create a "clean slate" when that became an option.

Now, although it's based entirely in conjecture, I do think MK potentially has the power to "rip the memory of people from this world". We know so little about what MK actually is that a lot could be possible!

ANYWAYS.

When it comes to "is MK destined to become a harbinger of chaos or was it just the curse echoing his own doubts", I think it's both! After all, there's "a reason [he] was at the center of all these stories, a reason [he] can harness the power of the Monkey King himself!". We don't know that reason yet, but I'm inclined to believe that it's because MK is connected to the underworld/the scroll/memory in some way, like I've mentioned. However, I also think MK's own flaws and self-doubt will contribute to his walk down destiny lane, and MK will put on his own chains so to speak.

One of the major contributing factors of MK's arc has been his own lack of belief in himself (in contrast with his total belief in his friends), so that HAS to be resolved eventually. When it comes down to it, that's at the core of his character—it's why he can feel he's both too weak and too strong across seasons and still feel distinctly like MK. So, that same lack of belief is probably going to be what drives his decent into the role of "harbinger of chaos"—that and a number of other things I'm sure. His friends, Monkey King, his identity, his responsibility, destiny—it's all gonna culminate somewhere.

Plus these eyes haven't turned up yet,

(they also show up in MK's 4x03 vision), and we don't really have any concrete explanation for what the curse was/is, or why MK specifically was the one who could destroy it ("It wasn't in my power—it was in yours."; but maybe Monkey King could have finished it off after it had been weakened?).

There's a lot of arc left and a lot of things we don't know!

#me writing this post: and I will add another link here for my own enrichment! #this post is kinda eamk to the left #hope my thoughts make sense! #I am. INCREDIBLY sleeply rn as I finish this #asks #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk theory #eamk theory #monkie kid #lmk MK #I wouldn't be surprised if MK only removed the curse on the section of the scroll of memory Azure had #long post

[gaslightgirlsummer]

hi! i don't mean to bother🥺 but could you please explain/recommend some resources for someone who's new to f1? i saw that post you reblogged about charles getting a new car soon, but i don't understand how this works? why can't he have a new car already. sorry and thank you! i'm sure just by following you i can learn a bit more about the sport😊

hi!

1. it’s no bother! honestly, I think the best way to learn about f1 is to watch past and current races! It’s easier than it seems to pick up some of the information on the go, and a lot of commentators (not sky uk/international!! don’t rely on crofty and martin for trustworthy information, they’re genuinely just talking out their ass a lot) have a lot of knowledge, both technical and theoretical, and include it in their commentaries, explaining things about the race, the teams and the track.

the official f1 website also has this cool series called the beginner’s guide, where they explain all basics necessary to get through a race weekend

2. Each team only has one car every season! They start working on it at the end of the season (around october) and they build it throughout the end of the season and the winter break. The car they create is the car they have to deal with for the entire season, and all they can do is bring upgrades to it and develop it in order to improve it, but they can’t build a completely new one from scratch. The development is also limited, because there is a recently introduced cost cap on the spendings of the teams (140 million) and it includes not only development money, but also salaries for most of the personnel and spare parts for when a driver crashes and needs parts of the car changed (many teams can’t even reach the cost cap!).

So, you get one car, and if you fuck it up you just have to pray development fixes it, and if it doesn’t you’re stuck with that terror for the rest of the year, and that’s what happened with ferrari and the current car, sf23. Thankfully there are only 2 races left this season and then we never have to see that monstrosity of a racing car again

Hope I helped, and feel free to ask anything that you need! I’ll happily answer to the best of my ability 🫶

#anon ask #f1 #informative #scuderia ferrari #charles leclerc

[bubblesreplies]

Call Me Jason, One More Time (NSFW, 18+!)

Jason Kolchek X Female Reader

Oneshot (LONG)

A/n: Hello everybody! Here I am back with this GIGANTIC MONSTROSITY OF A FIC I ACCIDENTALLY CREATED! It was a requested oneshot based on this ask. Anon, whoever you are, thank you for requesting! I'm so sorry for how long it took to put this out there, but your request really challenged me and I feel really proud of how I executed it. I hope that it's everything you wanted and more!! As always, please mind the tags and if I missed anything---especially anything insensitive or triggering---please let me know! Message if you want to be put on any of my taglists, for specific fics or for a specific character!

WARNINGS AND TAGS: NSFW MINORS DNI!!!!!, Sex (oral sex fem receiving, p in v), sexual talk and sexual situations, female!reader, medic!reader, only woman on the base scenario, set AFTER house of ashes, Jason is awkward, over-protective Jason, Jason has PTSD from house of ashes, unhealthy communication, sexual tension, insubordination, sex jokes, rebellious!reader, shooting, violence, canon-typical violence, blackmail, love confessions, angst, fluff, humor, Jason is a boob guy, sexism, swearing, dom!Jason, sub!reader, semi-public sex, mentions of house of ashes, fit!Jason, Jason singles reader out multiple times, reader has long-ish hair, Jason is sort of an idiot, sassy!reader, arguing, stuck in a closet together trope, bondage, mild bdsm, brief mentions of a war, mentions of police, FBI, original characters, name-calling, taking anger out on people who did literally nothing to you lol, consent is sexy, idiots

Word Count: 18k (yes, you read that right)

Main Masterlist

2005

TWO YEARS AFTER THE HOUSE OF ASHES

THE air tasted salty in your mouth as you breathed it in, fresh, humid, and bright this morning in Indiana. Your very first official station with the Marine Corps. You had to fight back your eyes watering as you stepped off the helo, your eyes catching the gaze of what would be your new home for the time being.

You’d be the only woman on base—a fact that was just as exhilarating as it was terrifying—and you’d made sure to straighten up your uniform and outfit before taking even a single step off of this helicopter. You sucked in a sharp breath—the men twenty feet ahead of you, staring and smiling at you was incredibly intimidating—and you took your first tentative steps toward them, an excited smile across your face. You held tight to your suitcase and your medkit, and knowing that they hadn’t ever had a medic on base, you were anxious.

Here I am, Dad, you echoed inside of your head, knowing with every fiber of your being that he could hear you, wherever he was now. I made it, finally; just like you. I’m going to make you proud.

“Private L/n,” a man greeted you, thrusting his hand towards you and you shook it, a bright smile on your face. “Welcome to camp, Marine. I’m Sergeant Nick Kay.” 

“Sergeant Kay,” you repeated with a nod and a salute. “You can call me Y/n.” Your eyes followed the line of soldiers, some of who were elbowing each other and whispering, looking you up and down like they hadn’t seen a woman Marine in their lives. Maybe they hadn’t. 

“Normally Lieutenant Kolchek would be out here to greet you, but he had some business to attend to and sent me,” Nick explained, sending a warning glare to the other soldiers who were watching the two of you. “He’ll be happy to hear you’ve arrived safe and timely.”

“Oh,” you mildly replied, a tight smile on your face as you watched the other soldiers disperse, still watching you carefully. “So, being on time is important to him, then?” Nick side-eyed you a little bit, opening the door in front of you and gesturing for you to walk in. 

“Being timely is important to any Marine, L/n,” he enforced, and you winced, mentally berating yourself already. Way to go, Y/n, saying something completely stupid within the first five minutes of arriving here. Amazing.

“Right, yes—of course,” you reiterated, letting Nick—Sergeant Kay—lead you down the winding hallways of the camp. “Um, so, where’s my room? Or the medbay? Or do you need me to do—”

“Relax, Y/n,” Sergeant Kay chuckled, taking your suitcase swiftly from your hands and shaking his head. “I’m aware that this is your first command, but you have nothin’ to worry about. Both Lieutenant Kolchek and I have worked with women on base before, and while we ain’t ever had a medic, I can only imagine that it’ll be a welcome change all around.”

You smiled gratefully up at him and he led you up a big flight of stairs, stopping in front of a door with your name on it. “I know it might be awkward, at first, being the only woman on base, but I hope you find that these are a great group of boys here. Although, if you should have any problems, your room is right in between mine and Lieutenant Kolchek’s. Both of us are here for you, should any issues arise or anything happens to you. Alright?”

“Yes sir,” you responded, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks as your anxiety finally began to truly catch up with you. “Our Lieutenant, then—he’s a good one?” Nick beamed at your question and nodded, opening up your door and gesturing for you to walk in. 

“One of the best, ma’am,” he answered, nodding towards your open door. “We’ve scheduled you some downtime to get settled in, but be downstairs in an hour to meet with Lieutenant Kolchek about your specific assignments. Good luck, Y/n.” 

You swiftly nodded at his words, taking your room key from his hands, and smiling at him as he walked away. Well, so far so great, you mused. Sure, you’d said a couple of really not well thought out things, but nothing that he could really hold against you. Everything could be chalked up to nerves—which, it was—and you were pretty certain that, now that you had an hour to yourself, you could take some time to unwind and be ever-professional for your Lieutenant.

Unfortunately, the second you’d laid down on your tiny cot, it was lights out for you.

You woke up sometime later, eyes blinking wearily and limbs stretching and popping from the uncomfortable position that you’d accidentally fallen asleep in. With one last yawn, you looked over to the dingy, old alarm clock that lay on the desk next to you, squinting as you took in the time.

“Oh, fuck!” You screeched as you hauled ass out of bed, straightening up your uniform and practically jumping out the door. You’d been stressed and tired, accidentally fallen asleep when you should’ve been unpacking your stuff, and now you were five minutes late for your meeting with your new Lieutenant.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, you thought to yourself as you rushed down the hallway, ignoring the pointed stares and whispers from your fellow Marines as you did so. Of course you’d managed to fuck up the single most important task you’d gotten since arriving here, and you were certain that your new Lieutenant—who Sergeant Kay had already fucking told you was a stickler for timeliness—was not going to be overly willing to overlook this stupid mistake. Even if it was completely out of character for you.

You pushed open a door that had the name Lieutenant Jason Kolchek written on it, red-faced and out of breath, and completely embarrassed. As soon as you fully entered the room, the man across the table whipped up, his nose previously studying a thick book, something that looked like a history tome.

You were a little embarrassed to admit it, but the very first thing that you noticed was how hot he was. Chiseled jawline, rich brown hair, caramel eyes—that were currently staring at you with a disapproving frown. 

To be fair, you were pretty sure that you saw Jason check you out, as well; his eyes briefly did a onceover down your form, and he gulped in a way that looked a little bit painful. Your eyes wandered down, too, checking out his gigantic textbook: Vampires: A History. You were still spacing out, shocked in his bizarre choice of literature, but you were soon snapped out of it by his next words.

“Private L/n, I assume?” Lieutenant Kolchek’s voice was dry, dark, and bland. As if he had better things to do than sit here and talk with you. You were immediately put off, and about to speak your mind about it, when you immediately remembered your place…and his.

“Yes,” you answered, clearing your throat nervously and taking a seat across from him. He eyed you sharply, his brown eyes following your every move. You watched him right back, not intimidated by his gaze, and waited for him to continue speaking.

“You’re late,” he responded with a scoff, leaning back in his chair and raising an unamused eyebrow, glaring down at you mistrustfully. “S’posed to be here about ten minutes ago.” 

Your cheeks flared red and you stared down at your lap, fiddling with your fingers. Reminding yourself to be strong and assertive—you were a woman Marine, after all, and you couldn’t afford to be submissive—you looked up again, into Lieutenant Kolchek’s eyes and nodded.

“I apologize, sir,” you started confidently, unwavering under his steely, hard eyes. “I… didn’t realize how tired I was when I arrived, and I made the mistake of lying down on my bed, so I accidentally fell asleep—”

“L/n,” Jason interrupted you, holding out a hand to stop you from talking. “With all due respect, I don’t need your excuses. I just need you to be better.”

Well, wow; you’d been here for all of two hours and you were already falling behind your peers. Fucking awesome. 

“Um…yes, sir.” That stinging at the corner of your eyes was not tears of embarrassment. Nope. Absolutely not—not right now, no. You were fine, absolutely fine, and you would not let anything like this get to you. “Sorry, I promise that this isn’t a reflection on my medical expertise—”

“Your hair,” Jason suddenly interrupted, and you jumped, startled. He seemed completely transfixed; brown, deep eyes full of some sort of strange wonder fixed on the strands of hair falling down and around your face. As if he were mesmerized by it, bewitched by the way your hair grew and placed itself on your head.

Thinking he was about to comment something nice about it—or maybe tell you you’d somehow gotten something stuck in it—you raised a hand up to your head, confused. 

“Wait, I’m sorry,” you responded, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. “My hair…?”

Your voice seemed to snap Jason out of his trance, and he startled too, his awestruck eyes clearing and becoming sharp once again. 

“It’s down,” Jason snarled, springing up from his seat in frustration, turning around and running a hand down his face. “Did’ya even read the dress code before you became one of us, L/n?! Hair needs to be cut or worn the fuck up.”

Whoa; you had no idea how you making two tiny little mistakes—like sleeping in a little bit later and accidentally wearing your hair down—warranted this kind of anger, but you were officially pissed off yourself.

“I think I can find that medbay myself,” you hissed back, rising up from the seat you’d taken and hastily throwing your hair back into the Marine-approved hairstyle. “Thanks for…whatever the fuck this was, Jason.”

You heard his hands slam down onto his desk rather than saw it, and you whipped your head towards him your eyes meeting his and both of them hardening. 

“Marine, you will address me by my title,” Jason growled back, leaning on his palms in what you assumed was an attempt to intimidate you. You didn’t take the bait, instead leaning your own palms on Jason’s desk, on the inside of his, leaning in until your noses were practically touching. 

Nobody moved. Not even a fucking muscle.

“Fine,” you agreed, not even sure how this entire meeting had spiraled so far out of control that you were practically defying your Lieutenant. Your eyes found their way down to his lips of their own accord—plump, firm, wet. You licked your own lips, looking back into his eyes. “Whatever you say, Lieutenant Kolchek.” 

You turned on your heel and walked away without so much as a second glance; however, as you exited the room, you could see Jason’s reflection in the door’s window.

He shivered. 

*                                  *                                      *                                    *                                     *

“YOU know, you’re actually pretty cool, Y/n,” Johnny Cusack, your closest and simultaneously most annoying friend on base commented.

You looked up from the paper you’d been absent-mindedly doodling on, waiting for Lieutenant Kolchek—ugh— and Sergeant Kay to make their appearances and brief you all on the new training happening for the rest of the month. 

“Uh, yeah?” You agreed, slightly offended at his observation. “That’s, like, that’s not a secret, though—you know, it’s the actually part I’m getting stuck on, here.”

Johnny only laughed at your fumble, ruffling your hair much like an older brother would a younger sister, despite being much younger than you. You glared at him, retying your hair back as you anxiously checked the door for Lieutenant Kolchek. 

“Relax, he ain’t here yet,” Johhny reassued you, watching as your chest fell in exhalation. 

“You know I don’t need another write-up on my record,” you reminded him, sneering at the past few instances in your mind. You’d been here for three months now, and it seemed that whenever you had the misfortune to be in the same room as Lieutenant Kolchek, he would find a reason to write you up, a reason to kick you out of the group for a little bit while you’d be stuck cleaning bathrooms or doing extra paperwork. Usually with some poor sap of a Marine who’d gotten caught up in the butt of your joke, or snickered at you when you got in trouble. 

You had no idea just what you’d done to deserve it, but Jason absolutely hated you. That much you knew. Whether it was the fact that you were a woman, or that you were green in the field, you had no fucking idea. All you knew was that he seemed to be much harder on you than he was on everybody else, and it was pissing you off. 

“You just gotta ride through it, ‘til you ain’t the newest Marine here anymore,” Johnny insisted, a statement you’d heard from him only about a million times before. “They’re always harder on the new ones. Wanna make sure you can handle bein’ here.”

“Oh, yeah?” You hissed back, your pencil pushing harder on your doodle in your frustration, breaking the tip. “You really tryin’ to tell me that Jason isn’t any harder on me than he was on any of you?!”

“He was hard on us!” Johnny insisted.

“I didn’t say he wasn’t hard on you,” you growled back, shoving his shoulder slightly with the palm of your hand to get his attention. “But was he as hard on you as he is on me?” 

You were furiously sharpening your pencil with your dinky little sharpener, and you finally looked up at Johnny when he’d been silent for too long. His lips were pursed, his nose scrunched, like he was thinking back on something.

“Well, maybe not as hard,” Johhny admitted. “But, I don’t know, Y/n—maybe it’s just ‘cause he doesn’t see medics as real Marines.”

“That’s ridiculous—!”

“Or, maybe it’s ‘cause he just ain’t ever had the chance to see you in combat,” Johnny finished, throwing an arm around you and resting it there. “Gotta earn that respect, Marine.”

“Whatever,” you mumbled back, continuing your absent-minded doodling on your itinerary. “Like it’s my fault we haven’t ever been in a warzone. Trust me, if we ever were in a warzone, Kolchek would be lucky to have me there with you. I’m a damn good doctor—”

“It’s not like you help the situation, either,” Johnny reminded you, with a sharp look on his face. “You’re always eggin’ it on, makin’ jokes at his expense or blatantly ignoring basic rules. It’s almost like you like the attention from Jason, Y/n—”

“Are you insinuating what I think that you’re insinuating?!” You interrupted, your voice rising in pitch as you threw your pencil down onto the table, throwing Johnny’s arm off of you and jabbing his chest with a sharp finger. “‘Cause you better fucking not be, Cusack, I’ll kick your ass!” 

Johnny laughed back at you, throwing his arms up in defense and shaking his head at you. “Alright, alright! I’ll quit teasin’ you about your annoyingly obvious crush on Lieutenant Kolchek!” 

“There is no ‘annoyingly obvious’ crush on Lieutenant Kolchek!” You screeched, placing your heel on the front of his chair and pushing him over, watching as he scrambled to catch himself before he hit the ground. You stepped over him, legs on either side of his body as you reached a hand down to help him up, despite being the one that pushed him over.

“Okay, Y/n! Geez! Whatever you—”

Of course, Jason would choose that exact moment to enter the room, a slew of Marines including Sergeant Kay following behind him. He eyed the two of you suspiciously, studying Johnny lying on the ground and you, standing suspiciously over the top of him, your chest in his face. Jason’s eyes turned sharp as they landed back on you and his lips pursed.

“Oh, fuck me,” you whispered, hanging your head down as Johnny finally took your hand and helped himself up.

“The two of you better not have been doin’ what it looks like you were doin’,” Jason snarled, his eyes squinting all the more as Johhny bumped into you on his way up, hands grabbing onto your waist for support as he stumbled.

“Shit—uh—no, Lieutenant Kolchek, I-I— I would never,” Johhny stuttered, pushing away from you as if you were a parasite. And on fire. “We were just— I mean, I—my chair—”

“Alright, Casanova,” you hissed back at Johnny, shooting him an unappreciative glare. “I’ll take this from here.” You stepped around your friend, arms crossed over your chest and raising your chin so that your eyes could level with Lieutenant Kolchek’s. “As you can see, Lieutenant, I am currently fully clothed and intact, so whatever you think you saw, you’re wrong. And you need to get your eyes checked.”

“Excuse me, Marine?!”

“Unfortunately, while I am a doctor, I’m not an eye doctor, so you’re gonna have to struggle with your piss-poor vision until you can find one,” you finished, taking a step closer to Jason, keeping your eyes locked with his, feeling the rush of adrenaline flood your veins. 

Maybe Johnny was right; maybe you sort of did like making trouble.

Jason glared right back at you before he scoffed, breaking eye contact quickly and shaking his head.

“Y/n, I ain’t got time for your shit today,” he replied, bending down to set Johnny’s chair upright and gesturing towards it. “If the two of you would kindly take a seat, we have some news to go over regardin’ some assignment changes.”

You yawned—you weren’t trying to piss Jason off, although you couldn’t help but feel like it would be an added bonus if you did—and it got his attention enough that he turned back towards you, his eyes falling quickly toward the piece of paper he’d laid out for you on the table.

“Y/n, is that—” he groaned, running a hand down his face and his teeth clenching as he stared at your now-decorated itinerary. “Did you seriously color all over your itinerary?!” 

All you could manage to do was grin cheekily back at him, picking up the paper and pointing a single finger to a nicely decorated, drawn-on doodle of a party hat, with a piece of shit underneath it.

“Do you like it?” You asked, your eyes studying him for any and every reaction that he would give you. “That’s you, Jason; the Party Pooper.” 

There was a collective sound of Marines holding their breaths—and their laughter—in. You heard, rather than saw, Johnny’s head hitting the desk with a groan as he desperately tried to unassociate himself with you. 

Jason’s jaw was clenched so tightly now that you thought he might shatter his own teeth. 

He leaned in close to you, hands resting on the table behind you as his face became insufferably close to yours. 

“As I said before, I ain’t got time for your shit today, Y/n,” Jason whispered darkly, his brown eyes staring intensely into yours. “Remember your damn place Marine; to you, it’s Lieutenant Kolchek. Call me Jason one more fuckin’ time—see what happens.”

That really shouldn’t have been as hot as it was.

*                                  *                                      *                                    *                                     *

“NAH, man, I swear—couple years back, they was bumpin’ uglies,” Ricky insisted, as you all sat around the round table, a deck of cards laid out amongst all six Marines. “Sergeant Kay and his Colonel’s wife. Swear on my life, that’s the truth.”

“I smell bullshit,” you argued back, pretending not to notice all of the men watching your hands with fascination as you expertly shuffled the deck of cards. “Nick’s way too nice for that.”

“Shit, Y/n, don’t let the Lieutenant hear you call him Nick,” Johnny hissed in warning at you, pointing his finger across the room at Jason, who was having a cold one with the Sergeant Kay in question. There was actually a smile on his face. Who knew he had it in him?

“He can’t hear me,” you replied nonchalantly, shooting Jason a smile when he happened to pass his gaze over you. He quickly looked away, turning back to Nick seriously as they discussed what looked to be something much more grim than your current conversation.

“Ah, good old Lieutenant Kolchek,” Matthew, one of the cruder Marines, cut in. “That man has a stick so far up his ass. He could benefit from some good old-fashioned no-pants dancing.”

You all snickered quietly at that, so as not to draw any attention from the man in question.

“Yeah, he’s definitely a hard-ass,” Ricky agreed. He turned to you then, chewing on a toothpick as he smiled. “Definitely hates you, Y/n.”

“Or maybe he just has a hard-on for making me miserable,” you remarked instantly, causing the men at the table to laugh in an uproar. “Y’know, maybe that’s his thing. Maybe he beats one out to the thought of me cleaning bathrooms while he’s alone in his room.”

“Hey, now there’s an idea!” Matthew chimed in again, leaning across the table with a gleam in his eyes as he stared straight into your apprehensive ones. “Maybe you should take one for the team, Y/n. Let him get down with you.”

You only snorted back, even though you were more affected by his words than you let on, the image of you and Jason twirling together in a bunch of ivory sheets playing rent-free in your mind. “And, by that you mean…?”

You were playing dumb—Johnny knew it by the sound of his groan—but the rest of the men at the table leaned back in their chairs uncomfortably, not wanting to have this conversation with—gasp!---a girl. 

Matthew saw right through it though, a glint in his eye as he leaned in even closer to you, daring to stroke the back of your hand with his pinky finger. “Oh, you know what I mean, Y/n— you could let the Good Lieutenant practice his bedroom rodeo.”

You laughed out loud at that, using the motion of your body to pull away from Matthew’s touch. He was cute, you liked flirting, and let’s be honest here—you hadn’t gotten any since you arrived here on base—but he was absolutely not your type.

Your type, unfortunately, was sitting across the way with a stick up his ass.

Still, you wondered if this little flirting could be a bit of a release for you—or, it could backfire and create even more unnecessary sexual tension—but you leaned into it regardless, shooting a stray gaze towards Jason’s table.

He was watching you.

With a smirk, you turned back to Matthew as you said, “What, you mean like a little foxtrot uniform charlie kilo?” The men laughed at that again, all except for Johnny, who sent you an exasperated glance, begging you to quit while you were ahead.

“Yeah, a little wettin’ the willy,” Matthew replied, his own chuckle escaping his lips at the ridiculous phrase. You giggled too, about to throw another one in, when one of the quieter men decided to join in.

“Using a telescope to explore the black hole?”

“Takin’ the skinboat to tuna town!”

“Wam, bam, thank you ma’am!”

“Drivin’ Miss Daisy!” 

“A visit from old one-eye.”

“Okay, okay!” You interrupted in a fit of giggles, throwing your hands up in surrender. “You know, maybe I’ll take y’all up on it, after all—I could invite Lieutenant Kolchek up to my extremely tiny room, guide him over to my even smaller cot, and have myself a hot beef injection—”

“And just what in the fuckin’ hell is goin’ on here?!” 

You weren’t sure if Jason’s voice sobered you or just excited you more, but you turned around in your chair, suave as ever, with a big, painted smile on your face.

“Oh, y’know,” you answered with a faux yawn, stretching your arms and extending your rib cage in the process, showing off the girls. “Just a little Marine talk.”

“Is that so?” Jason questioned quietly, steely, his hands clenched into fists as he leered down at you. “Y/n, go finish the paperwork we all started today. Alone.”

“WHAT?!” You rose from your seat then, absolutely pissed, as you gaped up at Jason’s impassive face. “Are you fucking kidding me, Kolchek? Why me?”

“Because you were makin’ highly inappropriate sexual comments about a fellow soldier,” Jason replied, deadpan. Emotionless. “I ain’t kiddin’, Y/n. Paperwork. Now.”

“No, this is moronic!” You fought back, your voice hitting a note of hysteria. “I wasn’t the only one making sexual innuendos, we all were—”

“Did I stutter?” Jason bellowed back, pointing an aggressive finger out the door. “Paperwork, Y/n. Now.” You hesitated for a moment, tears springing to the corners of your eyes and your nails digging crescent moons into the palms of your hands. “Do as you’re told, Marine!”

You pushed past Jason angrily, bumping your shoulder harshly into him as you stalked out of the room, heading to the office to finish everybody’s job. 

You made a resolve, right then and there:

Lieutenant Jason Kolchek was not interested in you.

Quit trying.

*                                  *                                      *                                    *                                     *

IT was hot outside.

Really fucking hot outside.

You all were finally getting a much-needed break after a long day of physical training, the last day of training for the week. Finally; you’d worked way too damn hard trying to prove yourself, and you were paying for it, now. You were exhausted, starving, and hot. 

You were all in more casual wear today, and you had found a stolen moment alone, beneath a tree in a darkened area of land. Taking the time to yourself, you undid the first few buttons on your tanktop, letting the tip-top of your rounded breasts show and glisten under the little ray of sun shining down on you. A long, glistening bead of sweat slithered in between your two mounds and you let it, throwing your head back and letting your hair down to give your aching head a rest. 

You sighed

“Y/N!”

Your brief, stolen moment of peace, quiet, and relaxation was taken much too quickly, and you startled, jumping from your spot in the shade, your breasts bouncing as you did so. Your eyes opened upon none other than Lieutenant Jason Kolchek, and his eyes were having a very hard time retreating from your exposed, shining breasts. 

An idea formed in your mind—potentially a very bad idea, admittedly, but Jason was right here in front of you, and he couldn’t stop staring, mouth agape, practically a line of drool falling out of it.

You reached a hand up and, testing the waters, swiped a line of sweat off from the tops of your breasts, watching Jason’s eyes grow wider as he watched, unable to tear his eyes away from your body. 

As if he were being doused with a bucket of ice-cold water, Jason startled himself, tearing his eyes viciously away from your breasts and over to your face. His breath was fast and hot, his hands shaking, and his eyes were wide and scared, maybe even slightly ashamed of whatever thoughts lie beneath them. 

You grinned, knowing you had not only shocked him, but you had unraveled him as well. Now you knew just how affected by you he actually was. 

Jason’s eyes whipped over to you, and he covered them with a hand, downcasting them to the ground as he physically recoiled away from you. 

“Marine—dress code,” was all he said, but his words were strangled by a choking gasp as they made their way out of his throat. As if he himself didn’t even want to say it, or maybe he just didn’t know what to do. He was almost malfunctioning just from the sight of you; you’d thrown him completely off his guard, made him nervous, and he was affected by you. Or, at the very least, by your body.

You could work with that.

Grinning eagerly, you re-did the buttons of your tanktop, watching Jason slowly remove his hand as you did, his eyes warily watching you do up your shirt and pull back your hair.

“Is that better, Lieutenant?” You asked sweetly, batting your eyelashes innocently up at him even as you leaned forward, putting what was left of your showing chest on display.

Jason gulped, visibly and audibly, and he shook his head.

“That’s a week,” he answered hoarsely, walking backward away from you on shaky legs. “That’s bathrooms for—for a week.”

And then he was gone.

*                                  *                                      *                                    *                                     *

JASON seemed to be avoiding you.

Ever since the dress code incident. 

It’d been nearly a week since you last saw him at all, let alone heard any word from him on anything that you should be doing. You hadn’t even done the bathrooms like you were supposed to, just to test the waters again, and you still didn’t hear anything from him. 

Something was wrong.

It wasn’t until late one Saturday night when you were getting ready to go to bed when you heard a bloodcurdling scream that you realized just how wrong something actually was.

You immediately jumped into action, dressed in only tight spandex and a sports bra you’d been using to sleep in, snatching your lengthy medkit from the side of your bed and rushing out the door of your bedroom.

The base was in chaos. 

You didn’t know how you’d missed it before, but now you could clearly hear the sound of gunshots ringing through the hall.

Oh no, oh no, oh no—

You ran without thinking, ran past stray, flying bullets down the hall as you aimlessly ducked and covered, strange men in black ski masks and black clothing littering the halls, trying to find Marines, and shooting when they did. 

Fuck, you thought to yourself, tears falling from the edges of your eyes as you realized that you couldn’t see a single Marine anywhere—just you. You instantly turned into a darkened corner, concealing yourself and the medkit as well as you could while these terrifying enemies ran past, looking for soldiers like you.

What the fuck is going on? 

When you finally saw an opening, you ran for it, as fast as you possibly could down the hallway towards the front door of the building. You hoped that most everyone else was already out, and judging by the fact that you couldn’t see anybody, you assumed that to be the case.

How long had this been going on? Why had nobody come to find you?!

You pushed that last thought far, far from your head because surely someone thought of you. They were probably looking for you, now. 

You were almost to the front door when one of them found you, cutting off your path to the front door; and although you couldn’t see his face, you could see the upturn of his eyes.

He was smiling. 

“I’VE GOT ONE!” He yelled, causing all of the masked men in the near vicinity to pause and turn towards you, guns ablazing.

“Oh, shit,” you whispered to yourself, whipping your head around frantically to find any means of escape, beginning to silently plead for your life when you found not one. “Shit!” 

You decided to take a risk, anyway; there were more behind you then there were in front of you, so you pushed ahead, ducking and dodging as you heard the sound of gunfire erupting all around you, each of the gunmen there trying to wound you—or worse. You took a sharp left turn down another hallway when you realized you weren’t going to reach the door, yelping as a sharp pain suddenly erupted throughout your left shoulder, your skin feeling like it was being torn apart.

One of their stray bullets must have finally dinged you, and you clutched your shoulder with your same hand, hanging onto the medkit with the opposite one for dear life. You had no idea where you were running to, anymore; all that was ahead of you was the kitchen, the dining hall, and more random bedrooms. No entrances, and no exits.

You were fucked. 

You were just about to run straight forward, try your luck hiding in the kitchen, when you suddenly felt a pair of two large hands grab you from behind, hauling you off your feet and nearly knocking the wind out of you with how tightly they wound around your stomach. You barely had the time or room to wheeze before you were being dragged into a supply closet, nearly hidden from view, hearing the click of the lock behind you.

Without thinking, you reared back, striking your opponent’s head with your own in an attempt to get away.

“OW!” 

Oh, wait, shit; you knew that voice.

“Y/n—what the fuck?!” Your eyes finally adjusted, much too late, to the darkness enshrouding you, and you were able to make out Jason, who was now standing as far away as he could from you in the tiny supply closet, clutching his head where you’d attacked him mere seconds earlier.

“Oh, shit!” You said for what was probably the fiftieth time. You ran over to him—easy to do in a two-foot wide supply closet—and replaced his hand on his head with your own, inspecting the nasty bruise that you’d left there. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Lieutenant, I—I thought you might be one of…them.” You shivered at the thought, your hand dropping from his forehead, and Jason was still so close to you that he felt it, catching your arm with his hand to steady you.

“That’s fair,” Jason responded, and you looked back up into his eyes, stunned, and found nothing but sincerity within them. Jason was whispering, and you followed suit, lowering your voice so that the men on the outside couldn’t hear the two of you hiding. “I should’ve said somethin’, ‘stead of just draggin’ you into an empty supply closet.” 

You let out a breathy laugh at that, and Jason smiled back at you, his eyes falling down your form in the meantime as he inspected you for any wounds. 

“You alright?” He asked, his hand that had been on your arm falling down to your hand and holding it so softly, it was almost as if it wasn’t actually his intent. You stood still, frozen, afraid that if you made any sudden movements that he might retract it—because even if he was holding your hand on accident, he was still holding your hand. And you didn’t really want him letting you go. 

“I, um, yeah,” you replied lamely, still clutching at your shoulder with your other hand. “I’m fine.”

“If you’re fine, why are you holdin’ yourself like that?!” Jason interrogated, sounding a lot like cared about your well-being, and releasing your hand to wind it over your other one, removing it from your injured shoulder. You knew he’d begun to inspect the wound when you heard his gasp, and you winced. “Fuck, Y/n! You’ve fuckin’ been shot!!” 

“Oh, yeah,” you confirmed with a steady nod of your head. “Also that.”

“What the fuck, Y/n? You didn’t think to mention that you got hit?” Jason’s voice was on the edge of hysterical, and you could see the panic behind his eyes, which only confused you more. 

“With all due respect, Lieutenant, I am the doctor here,” you reminded him, gently removing his hand from your shoulder and replacing it with your own. “Once we get out of here and into some decent light, I’ll take a look at it; speaking of, what the fuck is going on, and where is everybody else?”

Jason sighed as he ran a hand through his hatless hair. He was wearing blue and black checkerboard pajama pants, and you were just now noticing that he wasn’t even wearing a shirt. He looked like he had just ran out of bed himself. 

“Everyone’s outside and accounted for, waitin’ for backup to come in a bunker,” Jason explained, steady eyes darting around your face as he continued to examine you. “Well, everyone but you.”

“And you,” you pointed out, wincing as the action sent flying pain up through your bullet wound. “Why the hell aren’t you out in the bunker?”

“I was out in the bunker,” Jason answered, setting a glare on you. “When I found out you were still missin’, I came back to find you.”

You jerked away in your shock, Jason’s words ringing throughout your brain and sending a flurry of butterflies racing around your chest. He was out of here, safe and sound, and he ran back into the line of fire just to find you? You—who he hated—you?! 

“You came—” Your voice was hoarse, choked up with emotion. “You came back for me?” Even in the darkness, you could see Jason’s cheeks darkening, and he ran another nervous hand through his hair, avoiding your gaze.

“Well, y’know,” he mumbled, turning away from you and pretending to inspect a nearby shelf. “No man left behind, and…stuff.”

“Right.” And although you were certain that Jason was telling the truth, you were also pretty certain that Jason wasn’t telling the whole truth. 

“And by the fuckin’ way, Y/n, where in the hell is your gun?!” 

“...oh.” In all of the fear, commotion, and craziness, you hadn’t even thought to bring your gun. All you could think of was your medkit, and the tools that you’d need to help others if they were wounded. “Honestly, I didn’t even think about grabbing it. All I could think about was all of our friends, hurt, and needing my help, so I just…grabbed the medkit and ran. Sorry, that was really stupid of me.”

Jason turned around then, brown eyes wide and gaping at you as if you’d suddenly grown three heads. You guessed it was pretty weird to forget your gun, but you weren’t certain that it warranted this sort of reaction.

“What?!” You cried out, crossing your arms over your chest subconsciously. Your shoulder protested immediately and you hissed, clutching at it again as blood began to seep through your fingers. “Bad idea.”

“Y/n!” Jason was over to you in an instant, hands pushing yours away as he came in close to inspect your wound and apply pressure. You tried not to think about how close and how shirtless he was, but it was hard when his pecs were literally eye-level. “Fuck, Y/n, it’s bleedin’ a lot.”

“Yeah, it feels like it is,” you agreed, eyes fluttering as you suddenly started to feel lightheaded. “Fuck, I’m feeling a little—I’m sort of dizzy, I think?”

“Shit.” Jason instantly hopped behind you, pulling you to him so that your back was to his chest. “C’mere,” he instructed, and you gasped slightly as you felt him lower the two of you to the ground, pulling you into his lap. “You sit here and I’m gonna keep puttin’ pressure on your wound, alright? Hand me the medkit.” 

You did as he asked without question; even if you’d wanted to argue, you really didn’t have the strength or the energy to. Instead, you leaned yor head back against his shoulder, absent-mindedly curving your nose into his neck and closing your eyes. You heard the telltale ripping of packaging, wincing as Jason began to clean and dress your wound.

“It’s through-and-through,” Jason informed you, keeping both of his hands tightly pressed against your wound. “That’s good.”

“Yeah,” you recognized, keeping your eyes closed as you took a deep, calming breath, accidentally inhaling Jason’s scent. Sandalwood. “So, um, you never told me what—what’s going on here?” 

Jason had shifted from both hands pressing against your wound to just one hand, holding pressure against it and trapping the other side with his chest. His other hand was currently running through your hair soothingly, causing you to let out a pathetic sigh every now and again. 

“We’re under some sort of an attack,” he responded, and you leaned further into his hand against your head, feeling his slight smirk against your cheek and not really caring that he’d seen you be a little vulnerable with him. “Seems like they’re tryin’ to send some kinda message to the government and we just…happened to be the closest base to their headquarters.” You stilled at his words and then shivered, the eeriness of it all almost too much to bear.

As hypocritical as it was, you never actually thought that you’d have to see battle during your time here in the Marines. Enlisting after the war ended in Iraq was the safer bet, you thought, but you realized now how stupid that line of thinking was. 

And how unprepared for this you might really be. 

You opened your eyes again, choosing to focus on your bandaged wound rather than Jason’s alluring hand running through your hair. 

“Hey,” you barely uttered, but Jason still heard it, and his eyes flashed over to yours. You turned your face to his evenly and rubbed a thumb against your bandaging, accidentally brushing up against his other hand. “You did a pretty good job with this.”

Jason grinned back at you. “I have some experience,” he admitted, pulling you back into him gently so as not to aggravate your gunshot wound. “Now stay here and lean against me or you’re gonna pass out from the blood loss.”

“Is anyone else hurt?” You asked instead, your mind flashing back to the faces of your friends in a panic. Matthew, Ricky, Johnny—

“There are a few gunshot wounds,” Jason admitted, his hand going still in your hair for just a moment before picking back up again, stroking his hand way too gently through it for somebody who supposedly didn’t like you. “Nothin’ serious. We all got real lucky here tonight.”

“There are wounded soldiers?!” You freaked out, pushing up against him and trying to pick yourself up off of the floor. You were unsuccessful—mostly because Jason held you down—and you scowled at him. “Jason—I have to go! Our men need me, they need the medical supplies!”

“Absolutely fuckin’ not,” Jason growled back at you, reapplying pressure to your wound and silencing you with a glare. “Like I said before, ain’t nothin’ serious. The men’ll be fine, Y/n, and we ain’t goin’ back out there with you injured and God knows how many men still circlin’ around the base!”

You huffed as you leaned back into him, arms crossed over your chest defiantly, despite knowing that he had a very valid point. 

“Is Johnny alright?” You finally gathered up the courage to ask, fighting back the feelings that if your only friend was injured, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself. When Jason took much too long to answer, you turned back to him worriedly, finding he was only smiling at you.

“Johnny’s fine,” he reassured you, and you held your breath as he cupped your cheek with his free hand, his thumb stroking across your cheekbone tenderly as he stared in wonder down at your face. “You’re really worried about him, huh?”

“Yes,” you admitted softly, leaning into his touch and closing your eyes. “He’s my best friend—probably ever.” Jason smiled kindly at your words, and although you couldn’t see it, there was a debate behind his eyes.

“...two of you together…?” Your eyes shot open at Jason’s question, and you briefly wondered if this whole interaction was really a dream. Or maybe you’d gotten shot and were lying on the floor somewhere, delirious. 

Because no way did Lieutenant Jason Kolchek just ask you if you were dating somebody else and sound mildly sad about the possibility. 

“Oh, uh, no,” you answered, feeling the burning blush across your cheekbones. “It isn’t, um, like that—I love Johnny, but not that way. He’s an amazing friend, but—he really just isn’t my type.”

The closet became suffocating with silence, and even Jason’s thumb stopped working its path along your cheekbones. It was so tense that you opened your eyes again, finding Jason staring resolutely back at you, determined, as if he had made his mind up about something. 

“And what’s, um, what’s your type?” Jason’s voice had grown quiet, and he was holding his breath. As if he were afraid of what your answer might be. 

You grinned back at him, wounded shoulder nearly forgotten as you stared into his pensive brown eyes, subconsciously leaning in just a little bit closer to him. 

“My type?” You repeated cheekily, although the strangled quality to your voice gave away just how nervous you really were. “Well, that’s easy; strong, brown-eyed, easily annoyed, likes power trips—” Jason’s eyes were watching you closely, very closely, and there was a glint of realization within them. The realization that your ‘type’ was oddly specific. You grinned and decided to continue, both of you knowing without a shadow of a doubt that you were talking about him. 

“Sometimes has a stick up his ass, not so easily swayed by adorably rebellious women—”

Jason’s lips were on yours before you could say another word, and you reacted instantly, your hand winding around his neck and intertwining in his hair. Your head tilted sideways as you deepened the kiss and Jason moaned into it, his tongue darting out and meeting yours halfway as the two of you battled for dominance, dancing the same dance that you did every single day, only now with your mouths. 

Jason’s hand found its way to your stomach and you sighed pleasurably into his mouth, resisting the urge to roll your eyes when he smirked into your kiss.

“JASON!”

The two of you split apart like you were on fire at the sound of Jason’s radio, and you tensed, sending a quick look towards the door to make sure nobody on the outside heard it. When you looked back over at Jason, he was still staring at you, but now he looked conflicted. Immediately, he cleared his throat, pulling out his radio and turning harshly away from you.

“Nicky!” He greeted in a whisper, also eyeing the locked door. “Not the best time buddy, we’re hidin’ in a closet from those—”

“No, the place is clear,” Nick’s voice rings through the goods news, and both you and Jason let out massive sighs of relief. “You found her, then? Y/n?”

Jason looked back at you then, a tight smile on his face as he nodded towards you. “Yeah, she’s here with me,” Jason confirmed, a huge smile of relief breaking out across his face. “She’s fine, she’s—great.” You smiled back at him then, clutching your shoulder that had finally stopped its bleeding. 

“Good, ‘cause my face isn’t,” Nick grumbled, and you raised an eyebrow at Jason, who helped you get to your feet. You noticed that Jason’s face had turned a peculiar shade of red, and although you could tell he was embarrassed, you had no idea why he was embarrassed. 

“His face?” You questioned, opening the door and peeking a head outside. Immediately, Jason wound an arm around you, pulling you behind him as he proceeded to check that the coast was clear. You rolled your eyes, having half a mind to lecture him about his ridiculous need to ‘be a man,’ but you were genuinely more curious about Nick. “Is he injured? Oh, fuck, tell me he wasn’t shot in the face!”

“He wasn’t shot in the face,” Jason answered flippantly, bobbing his head towards the open door and giving you a hand out. “Coast is clear.”

“If he wasn’t shot in the face, then what’s wrong with his face?”

“He’s fine, Y/n!” Jason snapped back, turning around towards you with a fierce, cutting scowl. “For once in your life, just let it go—please!” 

“Fine,” you grumbled back, both of you breathing another sigh of relief when you saw flashing lights and heard sirens outside. The police had come, thank God; and thank God these idiotic Marines chose to be sensible and get out for once, instead of trying to be the heroes and fight these guys. Granted, if we’d had access to our locked-up weapons artillery on the fly, we could’ve defended ourselves just a little, teensy bit better.

You wondered, not for the first time, where the Marines were who were supposed to be guarding the base tonight. Jason said there had been no serious injuries…

“HANDS UP!” A local officer ordered, and you and Jason eagerly complied, despite the sharp protestations from your injured shoulder. You groaned at the pain, instinctually grasping at your shoulder in agony. The officer shifted his gun towards you and you held your breath, knowing you had fucked up.

“HEY, WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT!!” Jason screamed back at him, hands out in front of him as he threw his body in front of yours. You gasped, truly shocked that Jason had not only defied an officer’s basic orders, but he threw himself in front of you just in case the officer actually shot. “She’s one of us, sir, she’s a Marine; she’s just injured—one of those fuckin’ assholes shot her right through her shoulder blade—”

“Sir, step aside, and raise your hands above your head,” the officer growled back, gun still quite at the ready. You gulped, but Jason refused to move.

“I won’t,” he answered quietly, and you could see his Adam’s Apple bobbing up and down. “I ain’t gonna move ‘til you lower that gun, sir. With all due respect.” 

The officer looked between the two of you for a moment more and must have deduced that you didn’t look like the other gunmen because he lowered his gun a few moments later. 

“State your name and rank, please,” the office grumbled, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe that Jason would do something as risky and idiotic as he just did. 

To be fair, you couldn’t believe what he’d just done, either.

“First Lieutenant Jason Kolchek,” Jason answered, grabbing your hand and pulling you up to him. “And this is our Medic, Private Y/n L/n.” You nodded your confirmation when the officer looked at you. After a second, he sighed. 

“Lieutenant Kolchek,” the officer greeted. “My men and I are going to inspect the entirety of this place, make sure there isn’t anybody else hiding. There’s people from the FBI here, waiting to talk to you about tonight’s incident. I’m aware there’s some injuries, as well. Paramedics aren’t here yet—I’m sure they could use you, ma’am.”

“Yes, of course,” you responded eagerly, grasping Jason’s hand and rushing him past the officer and out the door. “Show me to the bunker, please; they need me.” Jason only nodded, and the two of you ran, hand-in-hand, to the bunker.

*                                  *                                      *                                    *                                     *

YOU worked all night long, tirelessly and effortlessly, sewing up injured Marines, giving medications, packing wounds. Jason was right; it wasn’t anything serious, but it wasn’t nothing either. 

To your dismay, you hadn’t seen him for the rest of the night since you arrived at the bunker; he had disappeared somewhere with Sergeant Kay and a couple of FBI agents, and they still hadn’t returned. After nearly six hours. 

When it had been approaching close to the eight-hour mark, Nick and Jason finally resurfaced, looking completely exhausted. You had finally taken a break, leaning against the wall on a bench to close your eyes for just a few seconds, when the two of them walked back into the main room.

“Jason,” you whispered breathlessly, pushing yourself up off of the wall and sprinting over to the two men. “Lieutenant!” You called out, successfully gathering his attention.

Jason’s eyes fell over to your shoulder first, and then he looked up into your eyes, his own bloodshot and weary.

“Y/n,” Jason answered with a drained sigh. “I’ve been told you worked, all night, by yourself. Fixed up all our men.”

You smiled brightly up at him and nodded in affirmation. Jason lightly smiled at you, but there was a strange tension in his face that wasn’t there before. Your own smile fell, and you stepped closer to him, laying a hand on his arm.

He pulled instantly away, as if you had burned him.

“Jason,” you began softly, eyes wary as he avoided your gaze at all costs. “Are you okay? Do we need to go somewhere? You could take a break, you’ve been at it for hours. I can help you relax—”

“Lieutenant.” His reminder came through gritted teeth, and he turned back to you with his familiar sharpness of gaze. You recoiled, bewildered at his sudden 180 back to how he’d treated you before he’d kissed you. “Don’t make me remind you again, Marine. You’ll address me properly just like everybody else here.”

You took a step back, away from him, with fully wide eyes and a gaping jaw. This behavior, this—this coldness was out of character for him, even for the Jason that he was before your quiet, stolen moments hiding together in the supply closet. You scoffed, but it held none of the usual malice it was typically laced with. Instead, it was more of an anxious taking in of breath, a confused, hurt little exhale that you couldn’t stop from escaping.

“Dude.” That was all you could say for several seconds while Jason stared back at you with hard, unwavering eyes. You swallowed back a tense gulp of air before stepping closer to him again, hardening your own eyes and pushing back the intense bout of disappointment that threatened to take you over after a long, hard night of emotions. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are we seriously not gonna talk about what happened in—”

“There ain’t nothin’ to talk about.” 

Jason’s words were firm, and held an understanding of finality to them. It was so jarring, so upsetting that you had to physically hold yourself together, your own arms winding around your stomach as you curled in on yourself, shaking your head and desperately holding back your tears.

You hadn’t realized how happy Jason’s kiss had made you until he ripped that happiness away.

You walked quickly away, turning away from Jason before he had the satisfaction of seeing how he’d made you cry. You heard his brief call of your name as you hurried away from his general vicinity, but you didn’t turn back around. 

His voice only made you want to cry more.

You were walking briskly to— well, fuck, you didnt actually know where— when you ran smackdab into none other than your best friend, who, despite how much you loved the guy, you really had no interest in seeing right now.

“Hey, Y/n! There you are!” Johnny’s large arms encircled you and you tensed, shoulders shaking as you buried your head into his chest. “Fuck, I was so fuckin’ worried about you! Where were you?! Did you not hear the 9-1-1 to get out?”

“No,” you admitted, the tears that you had been holding back now pushing at the edges of your eyes, begging to be released. “No, the intercom in my room must be out, and that door is thick as shit. I didn’t even hear the gunshots until I stepped outside.”

“Shit,” Johnny reiterated, pulling you in a little bit tighter. “I’m just glad you’re okay, Y/n.”

“Yeah,” you whispered against your best friend, eyes shut tight as he rubbed your back. “Me too.” Johnny had apparently decided that it was time for the sappiness to end—you did hear him sniffling a little bit, and you made the merciful decision not to tease him about it—because he pulled away, a mischievous, boyish smile now on his face.

“Hey, at least it wasn’t all bad,” Johnny suddenly teased, ruffling your hair in the way that only he was allowed to do. “Heard you had to go into hiding with the Good Old Lieutenant; and I happen to have it on good authority that he was shirtless?! I mean, honestly, that’s the juiciest shit that’s happened since Ricky hooked up with that chick that stalked him for eight solid months, so, if you don’t kiss and tell right now, I might have to rethink my friendship decisions.”

Your smile, which had gathered onto your face as your friend comforted you, fell immediately off of your face and you turned slightly away, wiping at the corner of your eyes as a tear finally spilled over the top of your waterline. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you brushed off, arms crossed over your chest and eyes wandering to every single crack and crevice in the bunker, hoping to distract yourself from the incoming stream of tears. 

“Oh, shit,” you heard Johnny whisper, and ultimately, it was the genuine concern and panic in his voice that caused your sudden onset of heaving sobs. “Y/n! Fuck, hey—what happened?!”

You turned back into your friend before you could really stop yourself, and even though you could see multiple of your fellow Marines turning to stare at you, their curious eyes filled with their concern and confusion, you let yourself cry into Johnny’s chest anyway. Worst case scenario, they’d chalk it up to the night’s events, and not even have the necessary details to connect your immediate weeping to Jason at all. 

Once you let yourself have a few minutes, you gathered your strength to quit crying, pulling away from Johnny and shaking your head incredulously.

“Honestly? I have no fucking idea what happened,” you admitted, to him and to yourself, thinking back on just where the fuck it could have all went so wrong. “The only thing I do know, is that nothing like…that, is ever going to happen between us.”

Johnny took another step back, bewildered, and he studied the ground anxiously, like he was trying to figure out a really complicated problem. 

“Wait, no, but—wait, really?” Johnny questioned, and you honestly had no idea why he sounded like he couldn’t believe a word you were saying.

“The fuck do you mean ‘really?!’ Yes, really!” 

“No, sorry, I believe you, it’s just—” Johnny sucked in a breath, running a hand through his curly brown hair and inspecting the room to make sure he wasn’t overheard before turning his concerned blue eyes back to you. “Well, after seein’ the way he reacted when he found out you were missing, I was certain that—”

“Hold up,” you interrupted, taking a step closer to your friend and lowering your voice. “He reacted? Wait, like how did he react? Like, you mean normally, like a Lieutenant looking for any missing soldier—”

“Y/n, no,” Johnny interrupted, pulling you towards the wall and leaning in close to you. “Y/n, Kolchek was totally buggin’ out when Nick told him you weren’t accounted for. Like, going completely ballistic, almost as if he’d left the most important thing in the world back on base. He was a fucking wreck, and when Nick tried to stop him from going after you, Kolchek socked him right in the fucking face, Y/n! Just to get past him and inside to find you!” 

You flinched, Johnny’s words hitting you like a punch to the gut. In just a tiny matter of two minutes, you went through a range of emotions:

Firstly, confusion. Because you’d never, ever seen Jason react that way, let alone react that way just because of you. 

Secondly, denial. Because no fucking way did the man who seemed to hate you so much want to go back for you, just you, that badly. No fucking way.

Thirdly, and lastly—anger.

Actually, more like blind fucking rage.

“Where the fuck is Jason Fucking Kolchek,” you hissed, grasping onto Johnny’s arm with your nails, digging in as you pulled him in closer to you. “Where the fuck did he go?!”

“OW, Y/n, for fuck’s sake!” Johnny hissed back, pulling his arm out of your grasp and shaking it out, looking back at you like you’d committed a heinous crime against him. “Dammit, woman, he went down the hall and into the little kitchen with Nick—”

You were off before Johnny could even finish talking, but you heard his annoyed sigh behind you as you left. You didn’t care; you were a woman on a mission now, and that mission was to find Jason Kolchek and give him a piece of your fucking mind.

You bumped into several of your fellow Marines, barely glancing back at them to send them a warning glare before you made it to the bunker’s tiny kitchen, the door semi-cracked and the hallway next to it cleared. You pushed your hand against it, ready to burst in and lecture the living shit out of the Good Old Lieutenant, when you heard something that made you freeze in your tracks.

“What happened tonight, Nicky? This happened because of us,” Jason’s voice floated through the door, and the blood in your veins ran as cold as ice. “Someone wants what happened to us to get out, and this was a fuckin’ threat. That’s why the FBI’s here; you heard ‘em say it themselves!”

“I know,” Nick agreed, and you leaned in closer, your right eyeball peering in through the tiny crack in the door. You could barely make out Jason’s shape, but it was enough to know that he was stressed out of his fucking mind. He was pacing, hands pulling at his hair, crossing his arms over his chest and the standard grey emergency t-shirt someone had finally given him. “But that don’t make it our fault. It’s their fault, Jason; we’re victims in this too, ‘case you forgot about that part.”

“Fuck,” Jason mumbled, seemingly ignoring Nick’s statement completely. “Fuck, Nicky! We gotta make sure that all of our Marines are followin’ every rule, as tightly and strictly as we can!” You could see Jason’s form pace back and forth in front of you, completely unaware that you were even on the other side of the door, listening in. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was having some sort of panic attack. “We can not afford to have another blip on their rader again, Nicky. We gotta prove that we can handle this, that we can keep this fucked-up secret o’theirs. Our fuckin’ lives depend on it!”

“Our lives depend on it?!” Nick repeated incredulously, and you could see him now, his face in clear view through your small crack in the door. He looked enraged, astounded by Jason’s words. “Fuck, Jason! We almost lost our lives tonight—not to mention we put every Marine here in danger—because we’re keeping their fucked-up secret! Shit, man, how the fuck do you not see that?!”

“So what then, Nicky?” Jason wheezed, his voice sounding strangled. You wished that you could see his face, see the emotions written across it to get a better read of just what the fuck was going on here. “We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t?!”

Nick shrugged. “All the more reason for you to be honest with Y/n and tell her how you really feel about her,” Nick suggested, and you watched as he crossed his arms over his chest, raising a challenging eyebrow at Jason. You let out a silent gasp, covering your mouth to ensure that no noise was made, as you tried to peer more deeply through the crack at the mention of your name. 

Jason only scoffed in response. “Fuckin’ hilarious, man.”

“I’m serious!” Nick whisper-yelled, throwing his own bucket hat down onto the ground in frustration and you jumped, surprised by the sudden increase in the men’s tempers. “Fuck, Jason; we could’ve died tonight! Y/n could’ve died tonight and you know damn well—just as fuckin’ well as I do—that you shouldn’t leave important things unsaid in the middle of a war!” 

“War’s over, Nicky,” Jason quietly chimed in, and you could see him now, leaning over a table with his elbows bent and his head hanging low in desperation. Nick scoffed back at him, shaking his head incredulously at his best friend. 

“No it ain’t Jason, and if you think that it is, you’re fuckin’ blind,” he responded, bending over and picking up his hat again in the process. “And don’t try to change the fuckin’ subject on me, man.”

“Fuck, Nicky!” Jason yelled now, and the two men jumped, sparing a quick glance at the door to make sure nobody had heard. You swiveled to the side just in time to not be caught, and when they had been quiet for a sufficient amount of time, you pulled yourself back to your eavesdropping spot, the two men with their backs turned to you once again. 

“I can’t tell her.” Jason’s voice was quiet, and weak; your heart felt like it split again at his tone. You’d never, ever heard him like this. So…weary, so melancholy, so…

Defeated.

“If I tell Y/n the truth, I’d be puttin’ her in as much danger as we’re in, constantly,” Jason continued, turning around and leaning against the table so you got a clear view of his face. “I have to keep pushin’ her away.”

He’d been crying. You’d never seen him cry before.

“And, what—it’s fuckin’ better to just keep her in the dark?! To never let yourself be happy, or love someone ever again because you’re scared?” Nick’s voice was rising again, and you could tell that he had Jason’s best interest at heart, and that because of that fact, he was letting his anger overcome him, scared himself for his friend’s future happiness. 

Jason slammed his fist against the table, a loud ringing sound echoing from it and making you wince. Jason, however, didn’t so much as flinch as he turned back around on Nick, a finger pointed directly at his nose. 

“And just what the fuck would you have me tell her, Nick?!” Jason hollered, lowering his arm down but staying completely rigid. “Somethin’ like, ‘Hey, Y/n, I really like you but I can’t do shit about it ‘cause the government fuckin’ hates me. And if I let you in, I might accidentally fuckin’ tell you about the alien vampires that almost annihilated us, and if I did that, the FBI would most certainly kill us both. OH, and also, alien vampires do exist and I know you probably don’t believe me because I sound like a crazy asshole right now!’” 

Your hands flew to your mouth to stop the roaring gasp that had escaped from your throat; you staggered backwards, eyes wide and jaw still agape underneath your hands as you processed Jason’s words.

Or, rather, as you tried to process them. Because in all honesty, the shit that Jason was saying was making absolutely zero sense. 

“Uh, yeah,” Nick replied after a few moments, just as you stepped back again to hear the rest of the conversation. “Literally, dude, tell her exactly that. She ain’t dumb, bro, and at the very least, she’s gonna hear you out.”

“No fuckin’ way, dude,” Jason immediately argued, and you could see in his stance and in the stiff demanor of his face that he was becoming extremely combative. “The shit that we went through two years ago, man? It’s fuckin’ crazy. There ain’t no way, in this fuckin’ world, that Y/n’s gonna believe me; and even if she does believe me, her knowin’ any of that shit could get her fuckin’ killed! So, with all due respect, fuck that, man. I’m gonna do what I’ve been doin’ and keep protectin’ her from all of this shit. Protectin’ her from me.”

You didn’t think you could hear anymore; the fire and resentment within you burning you up to extremely dangerous levels. You pushed off of the door, flames on your heels as you stormed your way across the bunker, to the room that you knew that the FBI was currently sitting in, talking and plotting over just whatever the fuck they thought that Jason had done wrong. 

You’d always been one to trust your instincts, and your instincts had never led you astray. As you stood and listened to the two men talking, you knew; you could feel it in your damn gut, and everything within you burned with truth and you just fucking knew. You knew that, whatever crazy shit had happened to Jason and Nick, whataver fuckery with literal aliens they had to deal with, it was true. 

Somehow, you just knew that it was.

What you didn’t know, is just what exactly you planned to do once you actually stormed into the FBI’s sitting room. You didn’t stop yourself, though, and so you found yourself standing in the middle of five random people you’d never seen in your life, all dressed in black and looking at you with wide eyes, holding cups of fucking coffee in their hands. 

“Is it true?” You asked after several minutes, watching as all five of the agents somehow locked eyes with one another in confusion and skepticism. “Did we all almost fucking die, just because you all have something on Lieutenant Kolchek and Sergeant Kay that some other freaks are trying to expose?! Did my friends almost get killed because you value your cover-up more than our fucking lives?”

All five people stared back at you with shocked looks on their faces, darting their eyes back and forth to each other as they contemplated just what the hell they should say to you.

“Ma’am—”

“It’s fucking Doctor to you,” you seethed, stepping closer to the man who spoke and watching him take a step back with satisfaction. 

“Doctor…L/n, I assume, then?” He stepped forward, hands out in front of him, as if he were attempting to placate a wild animal. “I’m not sure where you’ve heard this information, Doctor, but I assure you that we’ve got it under control.”

“Oh, you have it under control, do you?” You taunted back, arms crossed over your chest and stepping methodically around the room, your eyes landing on a woman who looked particularly intimidated by you. You smirked, although you weren’t actually feeling all that cocky. “And, do you call threatening and—and manipulating—and scaring the shit out of two of your best Marines having it ‘under control,’ then? You think that playing with people’s lives, with their emotions—you think that’s an adequate way to control a situation?!”

“Ma’am, with all due respect—”

“It’s fucking Doctor!” You screeched in response, throwing your arms down as you felt wet, hot tears fall back down your face. “And I can’t fucking take this anymore! This is bullshit, all of this lying, and exploiting, and expecting us to take the hit and put ourselves in danger just so you can save your own asses—”

“Lieutenant Kolchek,” one of the men interrupted you and your head whipped towards the door furiously, your chest heaving up and down as you struggled to catch your breath in your rage. 

Jason stood at the door with one hand on the handle, staring back at you and then at the FBI agents, his face as white as fucking snow. His eyes finally landed on you and stayed there, genuine concern lying beneath them as they silently pleaded with you to tell him just what the fuck was going on here.

“Lieutenant, do you have any idea how your Medic has any extra knowledge of what occurred here, tonight?” The man, who seemed to be the leader, asked. Jason’s eyes and lips were tight and he continued staring at you, even as he answered his question.

“I don’t sir,” he responded through clenched teeth, his knuckles gripping the doorknob so tightly that they were beginning to turn white. “I don’t have any idea what she’s on about.”

“Oh,” you scoffed back at him, although you couldn’t quite force yourself to look him in the eyes. “That’s rich.”

“Lieutenant, are you prepared to deal with her insubordination, or should we?” The man pressed on, and you glared at him, having half a mind to bare your teeth, too. Jason’s body clenched up even tighter, if it was even possible, and he shook his head briskly.

“That won’t be necessary, sir,” Jason responded in a whistler through his tightly clenched teeth. “Is the buildin’ cleared for entry, sir?” Jason asked mechanically, staring sharply ahead at the FBI agent.

“Yes,” the man answered cautiously, eyes darting between the two of you. “It’s just been cleared, as of ten minutes ago, Lieutenant.”

Jason turned back to you then, and if looks could kill, you’d be fucking dead. 

“Y/n, my office,” Jason growled, opening the door wider and pointing a stern finger outside of it. “Now!” You shot him a glare as you exited the room, walking briskly out the door, through the bunker, and back up to the base, practically sprinting in your fury up to Jason’s office. He was right on your heels, and as soon as you were both securely and fully inside of his office, he slammed the door behind the two of you.

“Marine, just what the fuck was that—”

“You, are such an idiot!” You howled, placing the palm of your hand against Jason’s chest and shoving him backwards, hard enough to dispel some of your anger but not hard enough to hurt him at all. “Who the fuck do you think you are, Jason Kolchek?! You think you can treat me like shit, just so you can hide away your own fucking feelings—”

“What the fuck are you on about?!” Jason interrupted, circling his desk to get further away from you. “What the fuck has got you so fired up, and why the fuck are you goin’ around yellin’ at everybody for?”

“I fuckin’ heard you, dipshit,” You snarled at him, walking back up to him and pointing an accusatory finger in his face. “I heard you and Nick, talking in the kitchen. Every fucking word, Jason!” 

Whatever Jason thought that you were going to say, it sure as hell wasn’t that, and you watched as his face instantly dropped and he blanched. You watched the gears in his head turning from behind his eyes, likely thinking of some way out of this.

“Dammit,” Jason finally whispered after a few minutes of painful silence. “Fuckin’ dammit, Y/n! Why can’t you just do the best thing for yourself and leave fuckin’ well enough alone?!”

“Because I’m sick of you treating me differently, Jason!” You screeched back, and you could feel all of the emotions from not just tonight, but from every fucking day since you’d arrived on base building up within you. All of the confusion, the frustration, the anger—all of it, resurfacing inside of you to create one perfect, big-ass storm. 

You knew you should take a moment. Take a step back. Breathe.

But you didn’t fucking want to.

“Why the fuck do you do it, Jason?” You interrogated, raising up your chin defiantly, trying your best to make yourself feel and look as tall as Jason was compared to you. “Is it because you feel some stupid need to protect me, Jason? Why?! Because I’m smaller than everyone else? Or is it because I’m a girl?! You think that I’m not tough enough to protect myself? Whatever the fuck it is, it’s bullshit, because I’ve fucking proved myself and it isn’t fucking fair!” 

You looked to Jason for a response and, to your frustration, the man only scoffed. 

“I do not treat you differently,” he argued lowly, subcoonsciously leaning forward, closer to you, nose-to-nose. 

You laughed out loud, throwing your hands up in the air and turning around in exasperation.

“Yes, you fucking do!” You bickered back, doing a 180 and flipping back around on him, walking close enough that you could feel his angry, hot breath on your lips. “You go silent whenever I enter a room, you’re harder on me than everybody else especially with the fucking dress code, you won’t let me joke around with the boys—look, Lieutenant, if you’re sexist, that’s your own damn fault! Don’t take your shit out on me!” 

Jason’s eyes went wide at your accusation and he chuckled loudly, preposterously. “I am not fuckin’ sexist!” He demanded, walking forward and throwing his hands onto his desk, trapping you in between them. You smirked back at him, pushing yourself up to seem intimidating, taller, unafraid of him. He didn’t back down either, darkened eyes staring deep and unwaveringly into yours as he waited for your next move.

“Oh, okay,” you faux-agreed, rolling your eyes and shaking your head in annoyance. “So, you treating me like shit, and choosing not to be around me is just, you know, generally what you do around women. Got it.”

“It’s not ‘cause you’re a fuckin’ woman,” Jason growled, and his lips were so far bared back that you could see his tongue, pushing tensely against his bottom teeth. Just as tight and clenched as the rest of him was in response to you. 

“Oh, but you do admit that you treat me differently, then?” Checkmate, you thought to yourself smirking up at Jason, whose head lolled back and eyes rolled in extreme frustration.

“Oh my g—fine,” Jason hissed at you, pushing himself up and off of the table as his body spun around, hands wound in his hair and clenching anxiously before he let one fall gently against the wall in the tiniest agitated punch. “I don’t treat you like everyone else,” Jason admitted, whirling back around on you. “Happy?”

“Happy?!” You screeched, eyes wide and throwing your hands up in the air, exasperated and irate. “Am I happy?! Are you fucking kidding me, Jason?! No, I’m not fucking happy, Jason! Why the fuck would you ever even think—”

“Look, Y/n, you asked and I answered,” Jason interrupted, turning back around with a fixed, resolute look in his eyes. “You just…wait here while I work on some damage control to keep you here, alright? We’re done here.”

Jason shot one last, exhausted look your way before he started heading towards the office door, and for some reason, the image of his retreating back enraged you more than anything else had tonight.

“What—NO!” You yelled after him, rushing to block his path, throwing your body in front of the office door and successfully obstructing his way out. Jason’s eyes widened and his face was weary. “Fuck that! We’re not done here, Jason!” 

“Fuckin’ hell,” Jason muttered, gently easing an arm around your back and moving you out of the way. “C’mon, Y/n, move—”

“No!” You insisted, turning back around. You grabbed his wrist, tightly, and attempted to get him to stay. “Get back here and have some human decency for once, Kolchek! Have a fucking conversation with—mmmph!” 

Your protestations were firmly cut off by a hard, impassioned kiss as Jason smashed his lips onto yours, pulling you in by the waist. Every bone in your body was vibrating with rage and also with want, and you reciprocated quicker than you’d like to admit, grasping his belt loops with your fingers and pulling him forcefully into you. Jason’s hand left your waist, winding up in the locks that were falling from your head, before suddenly pulling away with wide, shell-shocked eyes.

“Whoa,” you uttered, and you barely managed to do that. Jason’s eyes were flitting all across your face, a look of horror written all over his own. “Jason,” you whispered, reaching up a hand to cup his cheek. “I—”

“Your hair,” Jason cut in, his one hand still hanging from your tresses, eyes wide and stressed. His wonder-filled expression quickly turned to one of exasperation and annoyance. “Your fucking hair, Y/n! We’ve been fucking over this—!”

“Uh,” you answered back, briefly looking down to see that your hair had indeed escaped its low bun, hanging down once again. “I—”

“Shit!” Jason suddenly swore, dropping you like you were burning him from the inside out. He looked terrified, and he ran a hand through his hair, his foot tapping anxiously against the ground, jittery and wound up. “Shit!” 

What you wouldn’t give to read his mind, right at this moment.

“Jason—”

“Fuck, I—shit, Y/n, I am so sorry,” Jason apologized, turning fiercely back to you with a regretful, contrite look written across his face. “I shouldn’t’ve—fuck, I—fuck!” He immediately turned away from you again, body wracked with guilt and conflicting emotions as he grasped the door handle, once again intending to leave you here alone. 

You didn’t know what to do, but you knew that you couldn’t let him leave. You couldn’t let him walk out of this room and pretend that nothing was going on. Not again.

You jumped forward, grabbing him by the arm, gently this time. The last thing you wanted to do was scare him any more than he was already fucking terrified, but to your luck, Jason stopped moving, although his body was still completely tense.

You allowed your grasp to move downward, cradling his hand in yours tenderly, like it was precious and fragile. Quietly, you tiptoed out in front of him, begging him to look down at you, but he was avoiding your gaze, his jaw clenched and eyes shut tight, continuing to fight his unwavering affection for you.

Slowly, oh, ever so slowly, you cupped a hand on his chin, prodding it gently, and he followed suit, his head raising gently to meet your big, curious eyes. 

“You kissed me,” was all you could manage to whisper, and Jason nodded, eyes staring straight into your eyes like you’d put him under some sort of spell. “Did you…did you mean it?

“Yeah,” Jason whispered back, but even with his surprising confession, neither of you could seem to break the agitation, the rigidity and tension that seemed to always encircle the two of you, like a rope wound so tightly that if pulled just one more time, would snap.

But all things had to break eventually.

“Then put your fucking money where your mouth is,” you challenged, a tight smirk winding its way around your lips. Jason staggered back, out of your hold, with eyes like saucers and bewilderment written all over his form. 

“...What…?!” 

You sauntered over to him, a single finger plucking at his bottom lip before trailing its way down, down, down his chest, circling his sternum. Your teeth had grasped your own lips and you looked up at him with big, sensual eyes, a glimmer laying behind them that only Jason could clearly see. 

“I think the both of us could do with releasing some tension, Lieutenant,” you purred, stepping so close into his personal bubble that you could feel his very prominent hard-on, just above your own arousal. “And I’ve broken lots of rules tonight; I don’t believe I’ve ever been properly punished.”

You looked up from where you had been staring down at your finger, circling in and out of his shirt, and gazed up into Jason’s eyes, which were furrowed and contemplative. 

After what felt like hours, but was really only a couple of agonizing seconds, Jason finally shook his head, a smirk befalling his lips. You felt—and watched, nervously—as his hands lowered down to his belt, slowly and tantalizingly beginning to unbuckle it as his eyes never left your suddenly anxious face.

“No, Marine,” Jason replied, and just like that, his belt was gone, discarded, thrown across the room before you could so much as blink. Jason copied your earlier ministrations, his finger pushing your chin up to look back up at his face. “In fact, I think I’ve let you get away with breakin’ the rules for far too long.”

His words unleashed a dam of sexual tension in you and you completely lost it; both hands grasped his shirt and yanked him into you, anything but gentle. Your lips collided for the third time in twenty-four hours, and this time, you could feel just how much Jason really wanted this. Needed this. 

The only thing that seemed to go through your mind was fuck; who knew the Good Old Lieutenant could kiss like that?! Jason’s lips were so inebriating that your legs buckled underneath you, and Jason caught you, somehow smirking against your lips without his own ever stopping their intoxicating movements.

Before you knew it, he had you backed up into his desk, paperwork and utensils flying off in one swift movement as he continued to kiss your neck, clearing the two of you a space. He pulled away for a brief moment to inspect it and then turned back to you with a lusty, dominating twinkle in his eyes. 

“What are you waiting for?!” You demanded, trying to pull him back into you with no avail. “I’m right fucking here!”

“Oh, baby girl,” Jason chuckled, leaning in and nipping gently at your collarbone. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head; I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you,” he growled, and you shivered, feeling your nipples harden in response to his feverish voice and the words he was using with it. You moaned and he chuckled against your neck, amused at the simpering mess you’d already become before he’d even really gotten started.

Jason pulled away again and you made a noise of protest, watching his grin as he stared down at you in bemusement. 

“Now before I do this, I’m gonna have to hear your consent explicitly from your mouth,” he continued on, hands toying with the ends of your shirt but not daring to make any further movements. You stared back at him, deadpan.

“What, are you kidding?” 

“Nah, I ain’t kiddin’ darlin’,” Jason insisted, pulling completely off of you and crossing his arms over his chest. “I need to hear you say it: do you want me to fuck you?”

“Fuck, Jason—yes!” You howled back, grasping his shirt and pulling him back on top of you with an annoyed groan. Jason laughed out loud and you swooned again, having never actually heard his genuine laugh before. And certainly never directed at you.

You reached up for his head, trying to pull him down to kiss you again but he held still, making you screech in impatience.

“Yes, what?” Jason pushed back, leaning in closer to you, temptingly swirling his tongue around your carotid artery, causing your eyes to roll back in your head and your body to react by pulling yourself closer to him.

You weren’t sure how, but somehow, you knew exactly what Jason wanted.

“Yes, Lieutenant,” you slurred back at him, eyes slanted and sensual as you swirled your own finger up under his shirt, teasingly stroking his six-pack with a carnal grin plastered across your face. 

Your words seemed to set off a fire in him, and he was on you again in an instant, knocking you off balance as his lips laid over yours, his tongue begging for entry which you freely gave. 

You captured his bottom lip between yours, sucking harshly and Jason moaned against you, the sound itself lubricating you, only serving to make you more impatient for more than just a steamy makeout session.

“Jason,” you whimpered against him, bucking against him as he took your breast into his hand, squeezing and feeling the fulness—which, apparently, was more than satisfactory because he pulled away with a moan and a stupefied gape across his face and eyes. 

“Fuck,” he groaned, wiping a hand across his face. “Y/n—”

“I need you,” you whined again, and it broke him out of his stupor, his face jolting back to life as he inspected your needy, pleading gaze. “Jason, please—”

“Address me properly, and I’ll think about it,” Jason insisted with a smirk and you glared back at him, too far gone to even care about fighting back.

“Lieutenant, please,” you begged, hands intertwining in his shirt and pressing your breasts up against his face, eliciting a heady groan from his lips. “I want to feel your tongue against me, please…”

“Sit up,” Jason demanded and you did, holding on tightly to his neck as he transferred you from his desk to his chair. You yelped in protest when he leapt off of you, watching warily as he pulled his shirt up and off and grabbed his discarded belt, making his way back over to you. “Hands behind the chair, Y/n.”

You were so fucking turned on by his authoritative tone that you did exactly as you were told, like a good little subordinate, and Jason worked quickly to tighten the belt around your hands, tying you up roughly and leaving very little wiggle room. 

He wound his shirt around your eyes then, leaving you completely blind to the world and you whimpered, anxious and excited at the mere idea of what he was about to do to you. 

You felt his hot breath suddenly by your ear and you shivered pathetically, releasing a pent-up, tense sigh when Jason’s teeth pulled at your earlobe harshly. 

 “Touch me and you lose,” Jason hissed into your ear and you groaned, every inch of your body aching to buck up your hips and beg him to fuck you into his mouth, knowing that if you did, he’d only make your climax even more slow and torturous than it already was. 

You could feel his rough, calloused hands working off your pants and you lifted up slightly to speed up the process, biting your lip tightly when your spandex slid off of your legs and you heard their thump onto the ground.

“Be a good girl and spread your legs,” Jason commanded and you did, knowing full and well that your entire sex was on display beneath a thin, sheer layer of purple-laced panties.

You felt Jason suddenly tense against you, his head dropping onto your breasts as he moaned in frustration.

“I—what?” You questioned, hands straining against their bind as you worried over what the fuck had just happened. 

“Are you—is that—fuck, Y/n, are you wearin’ a fuckin’ thong?” Jason’s voice was higher in pitch, his fingers tapping against your leg anxiously as he lifted his head to, you presumed, stare back down at your crotch. 

You scoffed. “Yeah,” you admitted, a blush staining your cheeks. “So what if it is?”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/n!” Jason exclaimed, his fingers softly making their way up your thighs, tickling you, and you felt goosebumps rise up along your legs. “Did you even pay attention to the dress code, Y/n?!”

Your giggles were short-lived, as the garment in question was immediately ripped off of your leg and disappeared, to who the fuck knew where, honestly. Jason’s mouth was hot and heavy and went straight to work on your little bundle of nerves, uncaring to the sensitivity or the way you bucked and squealed against him. 

Jason seemed to be able to take your harsh hip-bucking, because instead of holding your thighs down and stopping them in their tracks, he wound his hand around the back of them, clenching them and supporting you as you fucked yourself into his mouth viciously. 

“Oh, shit,” you mewled, feeling that telltale building up about to explode within you. “Jason, fuck, I’m gonna—”

As soon as you said the words, Jason’s mouth retreated and you cried out in protest, unable to pull him back in and unable to see what was going on. “Jason, seriously—!”

“If you wanna come,” Jason’s voice was darker and deeper than you’d ever heard it, a growl lilting inside of it as he spoke to you. “You better fuckin’ beg.”

You didn’t even have the energy, time, or patience to fight back—you’d been made into a pathetic, whimpering mess at his every command.

“Fuck, Jason, pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease—”

His mouth returned with vigor, as quickly as it had left, and you cried out in painful pleasure as your orgasm wracked through your body, your cries only seeming to spur Jason on as he clutched your thighs tightly and pushed his face even farther into your wetness, continuing to suck even though your orgasm had ended and you were now just a sensitive jumble of nerves.

His mouth retreated slowly, like he didn’t ever want to leave, and you felt his rough hands caressing your thighs gently, his forehead leaning against yours as you both breathed too deeply, smiling against each other’s lips.

Not long after, he untied your hands and you reached eagerly around, wrapping them around his neck and pulling him in as he attempted to remove your blindfold. 

Light shone into your eyes as he did and you blinked, wincing as your eyes re-adjusted to the light. 

“Fuck, Jason, you—you’re amazing,” you gasped out and Jason chuckled, his forehead still leaning against yours as he delicately stroked your cheek, pressing a soft, doting kiss atop your lips. 

“You’re only sayin’ that ‘cause I just fucked your brains out, doll,” Jason argued, and you laughed out loud, the sound making him smile as he watched you with adoration. 

“It still counts if I mean it,” you admitted softly, and Jason’s face fell, fiercely pressing his lips against yours again, kissing you much differently before. Kissing you like he had more than just lusty feelings for you, kissing you like there was something lurking beneath the surface, something much deeper than just wanting a good fuck. 

And fuck it all to hell, but it only served to turn you on more.

“Jason,” you spoke against his lips and he pulled away, his eyes so full of affection for you that it made you the tiniest bit uneasy at what all of those feelings could mean. “I want to fuck you, too.”

Jason’s eyes lit up at that and he grinned at you, lowering his head down to your breasts and laughing happily. 

“Is that so, darlin’?” Jason questioned, and suddenly, his air of dominance had slightly faded into something more real, something that you had a feeling had been there for quite some time, buried underneath the surface. “Well, just so happens that I sorta want you to fuck me, too.” 

You giggled back, feeling completely light, weightless, the rest of the day’s events seemingly falling off of your shoulders and rolling straight off of your back the longer you stared into Jason’s eyes. You watched eagerly as he pushed himself off of you, hands working on his pants and shoving them down his legs with his boxers in one fell swoop, leaving him completely naked and exposed in front of you. 

You sighed dreamily, reaching out a hand to stroke his member, watching his eyes roll to the back of his head as you did so. You were so blissed out, that you couldn’t even find it within you to be cocky; you just smiled dazedly up at him, like he held the moon and the stars and everything in between. 

From his perspective, holding you, he did.

You blushed under his dreamy gaze, covering your face with your hands, and he instantly tried to pry them away, staring into your eyes once you’d given up hiding from him. 

"What's the matter, sweetheart?” Jason asked, and you blushed again at the nickname. He chuckled, reaching up a hand to stroke your cheek and kiss your forehead at the same time. “You get nervous when I look at you like this?"

“No one’s ever looked at me like that before,” you conceded, nervous fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “It’s…intense.”

Jason looked like he wanted to comment on that, but he didn’t, his eyes wandering instead to your chest.

“Baby, I wanna see you,” Jason pleaded, leaning his hands on the armrests of the chair and hovering over you, staring at your still-covered chest. “Please, baby?”

You didn’t need more than that; you instantly complied, pulling your shirt off of your frame and taking your sports bra off quickly after. Jason’s eyes were utterly glued to your chest, examining every inch of your exposed breasts with wide, hungry eyes. 

“Never took you for a boob guy,” you teased, staring Jason down curiously as he seemed to take in every inch of you, as if he were trying to memorize this moment right here before him. You breathed out a little sigh, and he looked up into your eyes then, watching you smile gently back at him. “Although that day by the tree should have tipped me off, in retrospect.”

Jason let out a low whistle, hanging his head in embarrassment as his cheeks tinged red. 

“Fuck, I almost begged for you right then and there,” Jason admitted, and before you could comment on that, he’d reached his hands under your thighs and lifted you up, off of the chair, setting you down right in front of his large desk, and placing his hands on your waist from behind.

“Bend over for me, doll,” he demanded and you did, sticking your ass up in the air and groaning even before he entered you. You heard him release a string of swear words as he took you in, shaking his head as he contemplated just how fucking perfect you were to him. 

“Whatever you say, Lieutenant.”

“Jason,” Jason immediately corrected, his hand caressing your ass from behind. “Fuck, call me Jason, Y/n—every time you call me Jason I almost fuckin’ lose control—”

“Jason,” you moaned, and he groaned at the sound of his name, pulling closer to you until you could feel his erection against your thighs.

“I’m gonna enter you, now,” Jason whispered in your ear, stroking your hair. “We okay with that?”

“Yes, fuck, please!”

Jason didn’t need any more prompting and swiftly pushed himself inside of you, fiercely bucking in and out with his hands clutching onto your breasts, massaging them in a way that made sure you were going to orgasm again.

It wasn’t very long before the both of you reached climax, one right after the other, with Jason making sure you were taken care of again before he ever let himself release. He pulled out of you right as he came, catching his load with his hands as you hopped off of the table, handing him a box of tissues.

He smiled up at you, wiping off his hands and collapsing into his office chair he’d just mouth-fucked you into. You giggled at the memory, turning around and hopping onto the desk, cleaning yourself up with some tissues and tossing them into the trash.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been…wantin’ you, like this,” Jason huffed out and you grinned back at him, leaning your elbow against the table and sprawling out across it as he watched, eyes big and dark. 

You laughed out loud, fanning yourself as sweat dripped down between your crevices. “I think I have some idea, Lieutenant; my legs are still fucking shaking.” Jason laughed at that too, shaking his head and reaching his hand out to you.

“C’mere, gorgeous.”

You did with a grin, taking his outstretched hand as he pulled you tightly into his lap, his arms going around your waist and his lips pressing kisses to the side of your face as he snuggled into you from behind, head resting in the crook of your neck as he sighed in contentment.

“Fuck,” he whispered against your skin quietly—so quietly, that you were certain you weren’t meant to hear it— “After that, I ain’t ever gonna get over you.”

You whipped around so quickly that Jason actually jumped, eyes widening and mouth agape as he stared at your suddenly intense face. 

“I’m sorry,” you spoke, shaking your head slightly to test if this was actually reality. “What?!” Jason stared at you for too long of a time, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed, as if he were contemplating whether or not he was actually going to answer you.

“Nothin’,” he finally said, and you let out a cry of outrage, turning your naked body completely around so that you were now straddling him, a glare in your eyes and a pout on your face. 

“Uh, no, I don’t think so!” You protested, crossing your arms over your breasts and holding back a smile at Jason’s huff of irritation. “Go back to that last part, yeah? You’re…never gonna get over me? What does that even mean, Jason?! Are you saying that you—”

“Just—” Jason groaned, a hand running down his face and leaning back in his chair as he attempted to avoid your gaze. “Let it go, Marine, and let me breathe.”

“No, Jason!” You pressed on, placing both hands on either of his biceps, pulling yourself in closer to his face. “Tell me what you mean—”

“I can’t!” 

His words were like a bucket of ice cold water, being dumped right over your head, and you scoffed, rolling your eyes and pushing yourself up off of him.

“You can’t,” you repeated, rolling your eyes and hurriedly throwing your shirt back on, walking away from him and snatching your spandex off of the floor, pulling them up around your legs and then over your ass. “I can’t believe I fucking did this, I—fuck, Jason! This is fucking ridiculous!”

“Y/n—!”

“No, Jason, just stop!” You cut him off, turning fiercely around and tossing his shirt quickly at him, ignoring the swooping butterflies in his chest when he managed to catch it with only one hand. “Fuck, dude, I opened up to you, I—I had sex with you, I told you that I heard what you were talking about—and still, you refuse to let me in?”

“Y/n, listen—”

“No!” You were aware that a part of you might have been, maybe, just a little bit irrational, but you hadn’t had the time to sit down and process any of your emotions that had flooded to the surface tonight—and you were still quite pissed, frankly, that Jason still didn’t trust you enough to confide in you. To give you a real fucking chance with him. “Jason, I—fuck, I mean—do you not want this?! Do you not want…me?”

It was an honest question that you had, but you hadn’t intended for it to come out so…small, and sad. You gulped when you heard your own voice speak it, lowering your eyes to the ground, ashamed at having shown so much of yourself to somebody who, evidently, didn’t care enough to try to be with you.

“What?!” Jason shouted, immediately rising from his seat on the chair, picking up his discarded shirt and his pants as he put them back on, apparently not deeming this a naked conversation. “Oh, fuck, Y/n…no. No, baby, that ain’t it at all.”

His words came out so tenderly, so genuine, that you really wanted to crawl back into his arms, believe him, and let him take whatever the fuck he wanted. You, however, weren’t that kind of girl, so instead you shook your head, squinting your eyes in a glare and crossing your arms over your chest when he tried to approach you.

“Well then what is it, Jason?” You countered, taking a step away from him when he took a step toward you. “Because you can’t just kiss me in a supply closet, and then kiss me again, and then fuck me, and then hold me all affectionately like that and then regret it five seconds later, okay?! Because fuck it all, Jason, but I’ve got some fucking hard, real feelings about you so if you didn’t—if you don’t fucking mean it—”

“I meant it!” Jason’s words were quick, persistent. Terrified that you wouldn’t believe him and that you’d walk out of here and out of his life forever.

And he was just now realizing that he didn’t want that, not at all.

“I meant it,” Jason repeated softly, taking cautious steps towards you and you let him, let him come closer to you and you let him place a gentle, careful hand on your cheek, rubbing a comforting thumb across your cheekbone. “It’s just—fuck, okay—you heard all this shit already, Y/n, but two years ago, Nick and I were in an…incident. Somethin’ beyond your wildest imagination, somethin’ that wasn’t ever supposed to be revealed, somethin’ that the FBI does not want gettin’ out. And if I acted on my…my feelin’s for you, they’d use that, Y/n. They’d fuckin’ use you against me, and I can’t put you in that position, alright?! This is more than just some stupid rank shit, or basic Marine positions, Y/n. This shit is dangerous, and I had no fuckin’ choice but to make you hate me, and I—”

“Stop talking,” you interrupted, taking a step back but catching his falling hand with your own. Jason’s mouth shut and his eyes slid back over to yours, confused and concerned. You stared up at him with wide, incredulous eyes and your mouth let out a noise of disbelief—somewhere between a sigh and a gasp. You knew he had feelings for you—you’d heard that much—and you knew that he was pushing you away—but that last thing he said?

Well you didn’t fucking know that. And you didn’t fucking like it, either.

“Jason,” you continued, pressing both of your pointer fingers to your temples as you attempted to process this information without giving yourself a raging headache. “Are you actually saying that you did all of this—the writing me up, pushing me away, avoiding me—to get me to hate you?” 

You came full circle, the realization of just how deep this went finally hitting you, and as it did, you gasped out, “So that you wouldn’t even have a chance with me, even if you actually wanted one?!”

Jason was completely silent, but the way that he thoroughly evaded your gaze told you everything that you needed to know.

“Fuck, Jason!” You screeched, eyeing his famous grey hat sitting on his desk, the one that he could never seem to let go of and centering it as your focal point, as you were now unable to completely look into his eyes. “Why the fuck would you even do that?! In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I like you—like, a lot—and not to mention, I am somewhat of a badass myself, okay? I can protect my damn self—”

“Fuck, Y/n—it’s more than just that—I’m fuckin’ in love with you, okay?” Jason slammed his hand onto the table in frustration, and you didn’t even have a chance to respond to his statement, because he continued on briskly. “Why do you think I yell at you so much? Or that I shut the fuck up when I’m around you?? Dammit—you’re everythin’ I’ve ever wanted, and I admire you so much that I can’t even function when I’m around you! I’ve been tryin’ so damn hard to keep you out of trouble, but you’re so damn insistent on stayin’ in it!” 

Jason’s rant honestly flew mostly right over your head, because you were still stuck on his very first sentence:

I’m fuckin’ in love with you.

“You…love me?” You looked back up at his face now, and he was staring at you—so earnestly and open and defeated, all at the same time. He sighed then, and something shifted in his face—as if he were finally accepting his defeat, realizing that you were here, and that you weren’t running away scared, but that you were still staying right here, amidst the weirdness and amidst the complications. 

“Yeah,” Jason answered easily, as if it admitting that he loved you was as effortless and cemented as breathing for him. “I love you; and, for the record, I know that you can take care of yourself, alright? Doesn’t mean you should have to—not ‘cause of me.”

“Shut up,” you replied with a giggle, throwing yourself at him with a squeal. Jason caught you easily with an “OOMPH!”, and wrapped his arms tightly around you, lifting you up by the waist with his arms under your butt. “You love me, Jason,” you sing-songed, teasingly, and he chuckled, placing a long, heartfelt kiss on your lips, hesitating to pull away.

“Yeah, I do,” he agreed with a chuckle and you brushed your noses together, pressing another quick kiss to his lips with a large grin.

“And I love you,” you confessed, squealing when Jason responded by covering every inch of your face and neck in goofy kisses. “That’s—this—is all that matters, Jason. Just let me love you, damn it! Come hell or high water, I’m in this. For the long run. So what do you say, Lieutenant? Be mine?”

Jason’s laugh echoed throughout the office but he kissed you, slowly and earnestly, doting on every single piece of you that he could.

“As horribly cheesy as that was and as cheesy as this is,” Jason sighed, moving to sit on the desk with you on top of his lap. “I’m already yours, Y/n.”

You cuddled into his side, fitting your face to his neck as you pressed kiss after kiss there, revelling in the way Jason seemed to melt into each and every kiss you gave him, how he campe apart more and more and slowly became more comfortable with you.

“Good,” you conceded, pulling away for a second and placing both hands on his cheeks, pouting your lips and putting on your most serious facial expression.

 “Because I really need to know what the fuck an alien vampire is.”

Taglist :@house-of-kolchek @kawaiiwitch224 @inactiveforidk @lorebite @yeslieutenant @kassiekolchek22 @pechvogel @buttermykolchek, @emilykolchivans, @meliapis

#jason x reader #jason kolchek x reader #jason kolchek #house of ashes jason #jason kolchek imagine #house of ashes #house of ashes x reader

[sparkywrites25]

Hi, I know people oftenly compare Rivetra to Levihan but I’m a fan of Hange soooo I don’t really like their fights 😭😭 what if a Rivetra au where in Levi introduces Petra to his friends and then Hange started crushing on her and Levi is just so annoyed and jealous because Petra’s obliviously reciprocating Hange’s flirts

Hi hi! I am so sorry that this was so late but I kept starting it and changing my mind about what I wrote. I was also waffling on way too much and, honestly, if I'd have let myself, and didn't already have a million WIPs, I could have easily turned this into a chaptered piece. It did turn out rather different than planned though but I hope you're okay with this.

I really love the idea and I absolutely support you in that I don't like seeing shippers fight over ships. Rivetra and Levihan are both awesome. As are most Levi ships, let's be honest.

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Summary: Levi tries to bury his jealousy when his new friend Petra is getting on swimmingly with Hange. But a game of laser tag leads to some interesting revelations.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Petra Ral

Taglist: @youre-ackermine @lunar-rainclouds @captain-natey

Notes: If you like my work and want to see more then please join my taglist. Form is pinned on my blog.

“Leeeviiiii, Petraaaaaa!!!” Hange’s greeting bounced all across the bowling alley parking lot as they jumped up and down, arms wafting through the air like those of a windmill. 

Levi clicked the lock on his car keys, the answering click of the vehicle almost drowned out by Hange’s echoing voice. He pocketed the keys and reached up to rub the bridge of his nose. They were giving him the beginnings of a headache already. He could feel it beginning to sprout up between his eyes. 

“Yoohoo!!!” Hange continued as if a dozen people weren’t already staring at the spectacle they were making of themselves. “Come on slowpokes. We’ve got asses to kick! Right baby?!” they yelled. Levi didn’t have to ask who they were shouting at now. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Petra laughing and waving back at the messy brunette. 

“Too right!” Petra cupped her hands around her mouth and called back as she and Levi headed over to where the group was meeting. “We’re gonna smash them!” 

“Damn straight we are!” Hange cackled back, equally as loudly. Some of the stares in their direction were turning to glares now, Levi observed. Hange really needed to grasp the concept of not showing themself up by being so loud. He and Petra were closing in on the group within seconds now. 

Irritation gnawed away at him as he looked between Hange and Petra’s laughing faces. He hated the feeling because he knew it made no sense, that he had no right to it. Petra could laugh and play around with whoever she wanted. It shouldn’t bother him. He’d wanted her to get along with his friends, hadn’t he? So why was he this annoyed that she had? Even Hange, for all their lack of volume control, was not irritating enough for him to want to keep Petra away from them all the time. They were an acquired taste to be sure but even so, their  relentlessly enthusiastic interactions with Petra grated on his nerves. 

“Bold words,” Erwin greeted, his voice carrying naturally without feeling the need to project himself across the parking lot. Dressed in his usual favourite colours - a baby blue short-sleeved shirt and beige shorts - he looked as friendly and harmless as he intended to look. It was all a front of course. Levi had seen the man plan many times by now and he couldn’t fault the man’s talent for still being underestimated despite repeatedly thrashing other people. That charming smile and enchanting blue eyes really did wonders for the man. Or he was just a natural-born deceiver. That was equally possible too. “But we’ll soon see who is going to be laughing at the end.”

“Not many,” Levi quipped, eyeing the rainbow psychedelic monstrosity that was Hange’s shirt, “judging by the headache that everyone’s gonna get from Hange’s shirt. Is that your latest strategy?” he mused. 

Hange grabbed their shirt and held it out with a puffed up chest and a grin. “Wha-? This ol’ thing? Of course not!” They declared in mock-outrage, only to grin at Petra almost instantly afterward which provoked a laugh out of the shorter, red-haired woman. 

“As if you’d ever do something like that, Hange,” Petra teased affectionately. As soon as Petra was close enough, Hange slung an arm around her shoulders and began to walk towards the entrance with her. Behind them, Miche and Nanaba followed, their hands linked quietly. Moblit and Nifa brought up the rear with Levi and Erwin. 

“I guess Hange had Skittles for fucking breakfast again,” Levi grumbled quietly.

“You can scoff,” Erwin answered. “But I saw them doing just that this morning. Quite a sizable bowl too.”

“Jesus fucking christ.”

Levi’s attention lingered on Petra as she snuggled into Hange’s arm, chatting animatedly with the brunette as they left the rising heat of the parking lot. Her yellow t-shirt clung to her thin frame, rising up above her denim shorts. She wore brown sandals through which her colourfully painted toes peeked out. There was no pattern to the nails. One blue, one green and three orange sat on one foot while the other boasted a yellow, a red, a pink and two browns. Levi had long since given up on questioning Hange’s design logic. 

He himself had opted for an outfit as low-key as always; he wore a plain black t-shirt, dark jeans and boots. Miche had offered for something similarly unobtrusive - a brown t-shirt that said “Everything smells great from here”  above a picture of clouds, paired with some sandy slacks and simple flats. Nanaba contrasted brightly in her baby pink shorts and t-shirt and matching sandals. It was an unusually gentle look for her and Miche kept smiling over at her. Levi wondered how attentive Miche was going to be in the match when he couldn’t stop looking at his girlfriend. Meanwhile, Nifa and Moblit had gone, whether intentionally or unintentionally, with matching red flanel shirts. While Moblit had paired his with some ripped skinny jeans, Nifa had opted for denim shorts that showed off her newly tanned legs from her trip to Marley recently. 

———————————————

The refreshing air-conditioning wafted over the group like a wave as they all stepped inside. Rows of colourful lanes and even more colourful balls, shirts and shoes greeted them. Hange was already pointing out a good lane to book only to stop and point out another one. Moblit, despite his years of experience arguing with Hange, was discussing it with them. Levi watched Hange’s gesturing become more and more dramatic, their eyes gleaming behind their filthy glasses. Levi would be amazed if they managed to get any pins down if they were refusing to clean their glasses even for this. 

It took them about fifteen minutes to pick a lane, agree (with much reluctance on Hange’s part) that they were not doing bowling shirts today, get their shoes and some snacks and settle down at their two lanes. Hange set up the two computers so that their teams were competing. 

“Team Captain!” they declared, punching their fist in the air. They faced little opposition. Miche and Nanaba weren’t particularly concerned, nor were Moblit, Nifa, Petra or Levi. Erwin watched everyone for a moment before offering his own services. Then he made the mistake of giving Hange first selection over their teammate.

“Petraaaaaaa!” they beamed instantly. 

Levi felt his mood plummet even more and inwardly cursed himself for that reaction. So what if Hange picked Petra? This wasn’t elementary school where such choices were usually personal slights towards someone else. What’s wrong with you? You don’t own Petra. So what if she’s on Hange’s team? You don’t want to be on Hange’s team. And yet, as he mused over this, he couldn’t help but feel that Hange’s team, even with the loudness that came from the captain, held a bit more appeal now. He shut down those thoughts for now. There was no point in them, especially with the way things stood. Anyway, he wasn’t entitled to anything like that from Petra and he wasn’t chasing it either. He was just being foolish.

Erwin looked around at everyone carefully before making his selection. “Levi,” he chose finally. 

There was a relief in Erwin’s selection breaking up Levi’s thoughts although the certainty that he definitely wouldn’t be on the same team as Petra now, lingered. Even so, the promise of trying to beat Hange’s team filled him with some satisfaction. He could feel his blood pumping at the thought of beating them now. 

Hange and Petra whispered together for a moment. “Miche!” Hange announced. 

There were some raised eyebrows among everyone since normally Moblit was next to be chosen by Hange. Miche was always on Erwin’s team. Still, he smiled and went to sit next to Petra. Levi looked over towards Hange’s team and caught Petra’s surprise on her face. She grinned across at him and Levi felt his own lips tug upwards into the briefest and thinnest of smiles before he looked away from her. Hange immediately threw their arms around Miche and Petra and Levi ignored the irritation burning away in his stomach.

“Moblit,” Erwin didn’t even hesitate once Miche had taken his seat with his new team. Hange spun round with an impressed smile and Erwin shrugged. “You surely weren’t expecting me to pull any punches if poaching is the name of the game?” he challenged. 

Hange clapped their hands once. “There’s my conniving rival!” they declared.

They eyed the remaining two to be chosen - Nifa or Nanaba. Their face contorted into annoyance as they eyed the two of them. By the way their gaze continually lingered on Nifa, the short redhead was clearly the favourite. But with Miche on Hange’s team now, Nanaba would be a double asset now too. But equally having someone’s partner on the opposite team could make a player ever more competitive. Which way did you play it? Keep them motivated by having them on the same team or raise the stakes by making them serve on different teams and risk competition improving or wrecking their games. Levi could understand the principle of this. 

Although he had no partner in that sense, he was quite looking forward to competing against Hange and their team. Especially Miche. Levi pretended not to notice the amusement that tugged on his lips whenever Levi stepped up to bowl. It was even more amusing to watch that smile dip whenever Levi’s natural strength gained him a strike. 

Just as it was quite entertaining to watch Hange peruse and debate their options in their own head as a few minutes passed. It was equally so when Erwin cleared his throat and prompted Hange to make a decision. She chose Nifa and so Nanaba joined Erwin’s team and promised her new teammates that they were going to crush their opponents.

“I don’t suppose you and Miche have a secret agreement that he’ll throw the match if Hange ever snatches him?” she queried with a grin. 

Erwin chuckled. “That would be poor sportsmanship,” he chided her although there was no real firmness in his tone. “But had I such an agreement with me, it would count for nothing now that you’re on our team instead.”

Levi huffed with a slight smirk. “Yeah he’s not gonna lose face in front of you,” he remarked and Nanaba chuckled, running a hand over her face. 

“Ahh well, I guess we’ll just have to play fair then,” she mock-complained and took one of the seats. “All right then, let’s take ‘em down.”

———————————————

Despite the teams switch up, the groups were still relatively evenly matched. Levi and Miche proved to be the better players on their respective teams. Erwin provided solid advice  to his teammates on maximizing the scores if they didn’t get a strike. Hange provided similar tips for their team although whenever they stepped up onto the lane, they played rather gung ho and their balls constantly slammed down on the lanes before they rolled. Moblit turned out to be something of a dark horse whenever he stepped up to bowl. He was a master at securing half-strikes each time even without Erwin’s tips.

“Hange, I don’t really want to be paying for any damage,” Erwin called over to them when one ball landed with a particularly deafening crack that had several members of staff looking over. Hange, to their credit, held up a hand in apology before continuing on with their game. 

Strategy-aside, Erwin was a considerably good player himself. He made a lot of good shots although his determination to play around with angles and muse over how much arm strength to commit poked continually at Levi’s patience. 

Petra herself wasn’t a bad player either although on most of her turns, Hange stepped up to speak to her. Levi would watch them gesture and enthuse about something or other. At one point they wrapped their arms around Petra and demonstrated posture and technique. As if the woman had never bowled before or been part of a winning team. More irksome was the fact that Petra seemed to let her. She laughed and patted Hange’s cheek then hugged her whenever their advice actually paid off. 

Levi knew it shouldn’t bother him but despite that logic, it did. Knowing that just left him feeling even more pissed off. So he focused on what he could control which was his own performance (as well as pointing out things that his teammates were doing wrong). Making quips whenever “the great Erwin” got less than a half strike as well as suggesting to Nanaba and Moblit that they imagine Miche and Hange’s heads on the pins did make for comfortable distractions though.

Regrettably Hange’s team claimed the first victory and then a second victory after lunch which consisted of fast food that Levi considered too fast to justify being cooked properly. Even so, he ate his meal for energy if nothing else. 

After lunch, Nanaba suggested they opt for something a bit more aggressive, throwing a smirk Miche’s way as she did. A lot of eyes lit up when she suggested laser tag. Even Levi had no objections to the prospect of taking aim at people and adding points to the team collection. Especially if it meant wiping Hange’s bragging smile of their beaming face. 

Hange drove Petra, Nifa. Moblit and Nanaba to the laser quest hall while Erwin drove Levi and Miche. The car journey was perfectly peaceful without Hange shouting and pointing at everything and punching people whenever they saw a yellow car. However the drive was not without it’s nuisances. This one came in the form of a very tall, blue eyed busybody in the driver’s seat. 

“You know, Levi,” Erwin remarked as he navigated them around a roundabout, “I hate it to say it but you’re going to need to act faster this time.”

“Excuse me?” Levi grumbled from the back seat. Even Miche shot Erwin a curious look. 

“Speed doesn’t guarantee a win in bowling,” he remarked in some confusion. 

“I’m not talking about bowling,” Erwin explained and raised his eyes to meet Levi’s in the rear view mirror. “I’m talking about getting Petra on your team,”  he told Levi. 

Levi’s grumpiness quickly transformed into a scowl. “Did I say I wanted her on our team?”

“You didn’t have to,” Erwin replied. “The look you gave Hange’s team after Petra joined. Thankfully looks don’t kill or we’d be burying Hange soon enough,” he continued. He smiled and Levi wanted to punch it, to knock that smug look right off his face. 

“I was glaring at Hange because they’re too fucking loud,” Levi lied. 

“They’re always too fucking loud,” Miche laughed. “Today you were giving death rays out with those eyes of yours.”

“Smell that did you?” Levi grumbled. 

Miche shrugged and gave the air a sniff. 

“Please, Levi,” Erwin interjected as he pulled off the highway onto a quieter road that led to the outskirts of Mitras, “let’s not dance this dance. You care deeply about Petra.”

“That’s because we’re friends. Presumably you care about your friends, Eyebrows.” Levi argued. 

“I don’t get grumpy when my friends get flirty with other people.”

“I told you-”

“Spare me the lies,” Erwin sighed. “There’s no shame in liking someone, Levi. I don’t know why you’re fighting this so much.”

“You know, just because you think you can read into my head doesn’t mean that you can,” Levi folded his arms. “There’s a word for what you’re doing, you know.” He remarked, tilting his head slowly as if realizing something. “You know what… yeah, I think that’s exactly what you’re doing,” Levi’s tone turned taunting at once. “And you accuse me of lying.”

Erwin’s shoulders tightened a little. “If I knew what you were talking about, I might be able to answer that.”

“You’re projecting, Eyebrows. This is about Hange,” Levi pointed out. 

Miche snorted and side-eyed Erwin. “Is it your turn to play denial?” he asked. 

Erwin’s grip on the steering wheel had strengthened. “I’m not denying my feelings for Hange,” he finally said after a significant pause. “But I can admit it, unlike some of us. This isn’t about me not facing up to that.” He looked back at Levi in the mirror again. “I can’t project what I’m willing to acknowledge.”

Levi’s lips tightened and he exhaled through them thinly. “However I feel about Petra, that’s my business.” Levi kept his answer sharp. He averted his gaze to the window and watched the city thinning out into suburbs quickly. “Anyway I know a lost cause when I see one,” he mumbled, “even if I did have those kinds of feelings for her.”

Miche was back to looking confused again. “Why?” he looked over his shoulder at Levi before the shorter man’s meaning began to land on him. “You think Petra’s flirting with Hange for real?” he questioned. “I don’t know about that. Hange’s leading the way in flirting with her but I don’t know if Petra’s into it.”

“There’s only one way to find out for sure,” Erwin cut into the conversation once again, causing Levi to roll his eyes. 

“Let me guess. Wear my heart on my sleeve and see if she bites? Worst case scenario, I get my pride stamped but hey it’s all just personal growth right?” Levi drawled. “If that’s what you’re gonna suggest then that would be some pretty shitty advice, Erwin.”

“You’re right. That would be bad advice,” Erwin agreed, not taking his eyes off the road now as the speed limit lowered. “You should credit me with more sound judgment than that,” he added. “All you need to do is see if she’s interested in Hange. What happens next is up to you?”

Miche let out a short laugh. “You manipulative bastard.” Erwin glanced at his friend with a frown and, from the backseat, Levi scoffed too. 

“So I find out Hange’s situation for you at the same time?” the raven-haired man questioned. “Yeah, this definitely sounds like a you plan.”

“It has to be better than you stewing over there like a poisonous mushroom not knowing Petra wants to be with Hange or not,” Erwin argued. He slowed down once more as a sign for the laser quest hall appeared. He steered the car into a left turn, into a large retail park. In the middle of which, the laser hall was marked by a scarlet hall and the word LaserQ hanging in rainbow lettering above the roof. “But if you’d prefer to stew, that’s your business?”

“You’re assuming, in all this, that I actually fancy Petra,” Levi grumbled quietly. 

“If you want to stay in denial, Levi, that’s your business,” Erwin shrugged and pulled into a parking space.

Levi said nothing, abandoning the discussion in favour of leaving the car and waiting for Hange’s arrival which was not a long wait considering the speed at which they entered the retail park and swung into an empty spot a few spaces from Erwin’s. The parking lot for the retail park in general was fairly empty today, Levi noticed. Unusually so. Still, if it meant less of a cue and less screaming kids to contend with while waiting for their slot then all the better. 

“How do you still have a license?” he quipped as Hange and the others joined them. 

“I’ve been asking them that for years,” Moblit chuckled, shaking his head at Hange. “You drive like a maniac.”

“Like a maniac?” Levi smirked over at Hange. “They are a maniac.”

“And proud of it,” Hange snapped their fingers into a finger gun at Levi. “The world needs some good maniacs in the world. You’ll be thanking me when I make significant scientific advancements in pharmaceuticals.” They declared, chin raised high in determination. “I’m coming for you, Common Cold!” they added, pointing ahead of them. 

Petra fell into step beside Levi, shooting him a serene smile as she did. “I expect your ride was quieter.”

“You’d think,” Levi mumbled, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets, “except I had Erwin yapping some life advice at me for the whole journey.”

Petra laughed again. The sound made Levi’s chest feel less constricted. It filled his eardrums with pleasantness. “That’s pretty deep for a Saturday afternoon,” she mused. “What was he trying to advise you on?”

“Just some general decision-making,” Levi answered with a shrug. “I can’t say his advice was that helpful.”

“Maybe you should pretend that it was,” Petra snickered, “otherwise he’ll keep trying.”

Levi huffed out a small laugh. “That’s not a terrible idea.”

Yet even as they continued their walk towards the laser tag hall, Levi couldn’t help but reflect on Erwin’s advice and the opportunity he now had to ask Petra about Hange. Hange was hanging onto Miche and Erwin up ahead while Moblit, Nifa and Nanaba were discussing game tactics just behind them. He could stop Petra for a few moments and ask.

He could do. It wasn’t the worst advice that Levi had ever received. It was fucking awkward though because then it invited the question of why he was interested in the first place. If he played it off as curiosity then she might smell a rat anyway. It wasn’t like he usually sought out any gossip about other people’s relationships. He, honestly, couldn’t spare the interest and the time to waste on such things. Which left very few plausible possibilities left and generally they lingered far too close to a result that he wasn’t going to like. That awkward rejection. After all, Levi considered himself a good reader of people. He was fairly adept at getting the measure of people and he was sure that if Petra did feel something then surely she’d have shown something of it by now. She wasn’t like him, a hider of emotions. She wore hers in a way that Hange would call “healthy compared to Levi”. So that only left the conclusion that Petra only saw him as a friend. 

With that in mind, why would he want to draw attention to it and make their friendship uncomfortable. Surely his feelings would eventually disappear. He would learn to ignore them. Better that than living with perpetual remembrance and awkwardness. So, no, he didn’t need to hold her back for a conversation about that. He could live with things like this and leave that unspoken. It was unusual for Erwin to not account for that when he gave Levi the advice although perhaps that just wasn’t something that would concern him.

“Are you all right?” Petra’s question surprised him out of his own inner monologuing. 

“Yeah,” he semi-lied. “Just enjoying the quiet while I can.”

Petra laughed softly. “Yeah, not a bad call. I love Hange to bits but they should really come with volume control.”

“Or a mute button.”

“Don’t be mean,” Petra elbowed him a little. “You don’t need to pretend that you don’t like them. They’re one of your best friends.”

“I can care and still think that they’re noisy as fuck,” Levi quipped as the pair of them walked through the doors into the facility. 

“Better hope they’re not on your team then,” Petra teased. 

Levi cringed as he imagined Hange’s tendency to whoop alerting the enemy to their whereabouts. “I can only pray for that,” he muttered. 

Petra laughed once more as they quickened their pace to join the others who were gathering at the counter. 

Hange was already talking with Erwin who briefly caught Levi’s eye for a moment. “As you and I were both team captains last time, Hange, perhaps others can take those roles this time,” he suggested quickly. Levi buried the satisfaction that was attempting to show itself on his face. If Hange wasn’t captain, they couldn’t choose their team members.

“Yeah, okay,” Hange agreed and stepped to one side with a grin. “So who wants it?”

There was a scattering of conversation between them all before Nifa raised her hand as did Petra, to Levi’s surprise. He eyed her with one slightly raised brow and it lifted even higher when she winked at him before looking away and gesturing for Nifa to make her selection first. 

“Hange!” Nifa pointed dramatically at the brunette who cackled and did a victory dance on the spot. 

“Dream team alert!” Hange declared before bouncing over to Nifa like a hyperactive five-year-old. 

Levi fought back an eye-roll and prayed that Nifa wouldn’t make him her second selection. He focused on Petra who was gazing around thoughtfully at everyone. Then, her attention snapped to Levi in a second. “Levi,” she declared. 

His heart did a strange motion in his chest and he pushed down the feeling, chiding himself for being ridiculous. He did, however, lean in to Petra’s ear as he stepped up next to her. “Appreciate it,” he murmured. She chuckled softly. 

Nanaba joined Nifa’s team next and Erwin joined Petra’s. Moblit was selected for the final member of Nifa’s team while Miche joined Team Petra. 

Hange evaluated Petra’s team as they all began to put on their battle vests. Petra’s team was lit up in purple light while Nifa’s team was lit up in green. Hange quickly unfastened their hair from the ponytail then shoved it all up again into one that was - to Levi’s frustration - even messier. “Y’all are going down in ways you can’t even fathom yet,” they cackled as they finished their own straps and began to help Nifa with hers despite the girl’s laughing insistence that she could manage. Levi was quite convinced at this point that Hange was just incapable of staying still. 

“We’ll see about that. You’re not the only strategist in the room, Hange,” Miche fired back with a smile. 

“No, but I’d watch your back. Who says he won’t throw one of you to the wolves to protect his own score?” Hange teased, wriggling their eyebrows. 

Moblit eyed them with some suspicion. “You jumped to that strategy awfully quickly.”

Nifa laughed. “Okay maybe don’t get too close to Hange guys!”

“Hey! I would never!” Hange slammed a hand over their heart exaggeratedly. “Tut tut tut, such little faith in your comrade.”

“That’s not exactly something that you would never do,” Moblit smirked at them. “I still remember the February 2021 incident.”

“I apologized for dislocating your shoulder,” Hange pouted with folded arms. “And I was not pushing you in front of me! That kid, Stephen, was all lined up to hit you. I just got carried away in moving you,” they recalled. 

“You think?” Moblit laughed and slung an arm around Hange. They leaned into his hug with a grin. 

“I feel like that is gonna be on your tombstone, Hange,” Nifa said in a loving voice. “They got carried away.”

Hange’s grin seemed to stretch even wider. “That would be a fun - and apt - epitaph for me. Although Saviour of Mankind from the Common Cold would also be good too.”

Laughter bubbled through the group as they stepped into their teams so that the attendant could lead them inside their room. 

“Good luck,” Nifa and Petra declared and shook hands. 

They were led into a darkened arena with multi-coloured lights projecting on different areas. Across the middle of the floor rose many tall walls, some of which had holes cut into them of various shapes. Lines of thin little lights illuminated the pathways around the walls. 

The two groups stared down at the layout as they began to descend the stairs leading into it. Nifa’s team walked ahead. Petra slowed down so that her team was held back a bit. Concentration burned across Petra’s eyes as she stared down at the arena. Beyond her, Levi could see Hange’s eyes scanning over it all. He didn’t doubt for a moment that they would memorize at least most of it with their impressive memory. They may be a noise nuisance but their intelligence was not to be underestimated here.

He focused on looking back at Petra who was slowly stepping down, observing as much of the set up as she could. He could see her lips pressing into a thin frown as she did. “Hey,” he said quietly, putting a hand on her shoulder, “just do your best. We’ll figure it out.”

“Yes, don’t worry. They only change the layout a finite number of times,” Erwin added as he leaned over Levi’s shoulder. “We’ve probably played in this one recently.”

Petra nodded and was silent for a moment before she exhaled. “Thanks guys.”

“I’ll be able to sniff those guys out no problem,” Miche added and Petra laughed softly. 

“There’s perks to having a sniffer dog,” Levi muttered and heard Miche huff out what sounded like a laugh. 

“Okay teams, take up positions,” the attendant called once they’d all reached the bottom. She pointed to a gigantic clock on the wall, glaring down with red light. “When the timer starts, the game begins and points will begin to count. You have three minutes to get yourselves into positions,” she added. 

Now that they were on ground level, everything in the arena rose up imposingly. The two teams began to move out along different pathways, spreading themselves over the space. Levi hurried swiftly along several paths before ducking behind a short wall that jutted out on two sides, providing excellent over. He crouched down and pointed his gun up, ready for anyone that might use common sense to check this space. He listened to the shuffling of feet as teammates and rivals similarly found spots in which to hide or launch their attacks. Staring up at the scoreboard that had now appeared below the clock, he tightened his grip on his gun. 

“Woohoo! Let’s go!” Hange cheered.

“Shut up!” Levi heard Nifa hiss although there was a giggle in her voice. 

He refocused on the clock again. 60 minutes was frozen to the screen. He steadied his breathing, waiting for that number to shift. 

Come on. Come on. 

59:59

There was a scuffle of movement from all sides and almost instantly Levi heard the first sounds of shots being fired followed by increasingly hurried footsteps moving around the arena. Here, there and everywhere they ran. He looked in the different directions, trying to focus on the immediate threat. His senses snapped into place, focusing on those noises nearest to him. His body stiffened and, tightening his grip, he remained in a crouch, waiting with baited breath. 

He rolled his eyes as Hange’s triumphant cheer accompanied a grunt of disappointment from Miche. However Hange’s cry soon turned into a yell as their vest beeped with the sound of a hit. By the sounds of the feet hurrying away, Levi would guess that Erwin had landed a hit. 

A blur of green light rushed past Levi’s spot and he wasted no time in opening fire. Moblit stumbled to a stop as his vest announced his hit. He glanced back at Levi and then rushed off again. Levi instantly moved away from his hiding place and crept around a corner. There was a long stretch of unattended space so he hurried along it. At the last second, Nifa jumped out and fired at him. He leapt aside just in time and took a shot at her. It missed and she darted down another path. He began to pursue when the hairs on the back of his neck tingled. He spun around only for Hange’s shot to hit him in the chest. 

Hange cackled and threw up their hands in the air in victory. Suddenly their vest lit up again and they turned around, fuming when they saw Petra appear behind them. “Traitor!” they exclaimed in mock outrage before rushing off once more. 

Petra grinned and strode up to Levi. “All’s fair in laser tag,” she called back to Hange. 

“Nice shot.” Levi said, pushing her back out of the line of sight they were stood in. He cast a glance up at the scoreboard which proclaimed that Petra’s team were ahead by ten points so far. However the sound of another blast quickly brought Nifa’s team up another ten points, signaling a draw. “Come on,” Levi urged Petra to follow him down a diagonal path that cut across the arena. 

They made it down the path and along another before they rounded the corner and came face to face with Nanaba who opened fire with a grin. Petra cursed, laughing, as she was hit but Levi dodged and fired squarely at Nanaba’s chest. 

“Nice one,” Nanaba smirked before dashing off down the way Levi and Petra had come. 

Petra and Levi quickly made their way up the path, with Levi following behind Petra in side-steps, keeping his eyes on anyone who might come up behind them. As they reached the corner, Petra looked around and raised her gun as blaster fire sounded. Across the room, at the opposing corner, Moblit was opening fire. The pair of them dodged each other with nimble side-steps. Levi stepped in next to Petra and joined in. As Moblit stepped side, he fell into Petra’s line of fire and she got him square in the chest. 

Petra cheered before her own vest lit up. She spun around to see Nanaba facing her back the way she’d come. The tall blonde took a shot at Levi who immediately began to pursue her. She laughed and darted away. Grinning, Petra began to chase down Moblit. Halfway down that path, another one opened out and Nifa sprung out firing her shots. 

Petra dodged but one of them managed to hit her and she playfully cursed. “Damn you ninja!” she cried out. Nifa gave her a grin back and half-bowed before scurrying off towards where Moblit had been, only to back away when Erwin appeared in the corner instead. “No, no!” she cried out as he opened fire on her and got her in the gun. 

“Vengeance is mine!” Hange roared from somewhere behind Erwin and he turned with a smile, opening fire on wherever Hange was. 

Petra gave chase to Nifa who ran into Levi as soon as she was able to shoot again. He shot her in her chest and she complained again and dashed off. 

Levi and Petra glanced up at the scoreboard now. 

Team Petra: 200  Team Nifa: 190

“It’s gonna be close,” Petra panted. Despite the fact that running wasn’t allowed, everyone was moving at a quick enough pace to tax themselves. 

“You okay?” Levi asked, turning his back and aiming his gun at the sound of nearby movement. Hange appeared at the end of that pathway and he shot at their back. They immediately flipped him off and he smirked back, watching them flee the behemoth that was Miche. 

“I’m good,” Petra told him and readied her own gun. 

She set off again, taking turn after turn, quickly growing suspicious when she didn’t run into anybody for a few minutes. She spun around, keeping her gun level. She jumped over a cylindrical obstacle and, as she was in the air, she spotted a familiar blonde head crouched nearby. She reached the corner and saw Nanaba with her back to her, crouched behind a low barrier and firing across a space at Erwin who was also ducking behind a barrier. Neither of them found it particularly easy with their height. 

Crouching low herself and keeping her body mostly hidden around the corner, Petra angled her gun towards Nanaba and, after a moment adjusting her precision, shot her in the back. Nanaba swore and fell forward from the shock. Petra rose up and backed away with a smile until her back hit a gun. She turned around with a yelp and Nifa grinned as she fired into Petra’s chest. 

“Nice shootin’,” Nifa teased and raced around Petra. She began opening fire on Erwin only to yelp when her vest took a hit. “Damn you Miche!” she laughed. 

Petra hurried back down the path she came down and then took one to the right. Halfway down that path, a hand reached out and grabbed her, pulling her into a small space, boxed off on three sides. She opened her mouth to point out the no-contact rule but Levi raised a finger to his lips and pointed towards the entrance to their spot with his gun. 

Petra was about to say that she didn’t hear anyone behind her but seconds later, Hange appeared and Levi fired as soon as they spotted Levi and Petra. 

“Damn you, Levi!” Hange cried out. Even so they grinned like a hyena and ran off cackling, making Levi instantly torn between suspicion and exasperation with Hange’s manic ways. Did they know someone else was coming along or were they just being insane as always? He stepped in front of Petra automatically.

“Levi,” she murmured but he hushed her. 

He stepped back, lightly pressing her against the back of the space with his back. Petra’s hand dropped from the gun, instinctively touching Levi’s side. She felt his taut muscles pressing lightly against her chest. She felt the movement of his body as he breathed and a flicker of pleasure shot through her like lightening. This close to him she breathed in the subtle aroma of his aftershave mixed with the ever-so-slight tinge of tea. The back hairs of his undercut were millimeters from her face. An odd thought that she could lean in and press her lips to his neck with very little effort came to her and so her already heating cheeks inflamed even more. She suddenly found herself with the itch to reach up and play with the longer strands of his hair. She pushed that urge away - she was getting good at such things by now. 

Her mind wandered, praying that nobody did come along to disturb this moment, that she could keep Levi here against her like this. There was no Hange to play along with and distract herself with now. There was no big group to hide the glances she gave Levi. There was no one she could gently nudge into telling her more about Levi. There was literally nothing between her and Levi and her heart recognized that, pulsing hard in her chest. Her brain was sending dizzying sensations all over her body in collaboration with her pounding heart. She wanted to kiss that jawline, to make her way up to those lips. She wanted to feel his arms around her, to be pressed against his lean, muscular form. She wanted her hands in his hair and to look into those perfect grey-blue eyes and see if what she felt was reflected in there. 

She wished it was as easy to hug Levi as it was to wrap her arms around Hange. She wished that she could hold Levi’s hand and snuggle into him. She loved Hange to bits and they were a dear friend but Petra desperately wanted to transfer that physical affection towards her and Levi instead. But Levi wasn’t very demonstrative about what feelings he had full stop never mind public displays of affection - if he even felt affection for her. 

Being pressed together in that space brought it all home; all the weeks of uncertainty since they’d met and never quite able to get a read on what Levi might feel. You haven’t made things easy for yourself, Ral, she mused. Yet, all the same, the situation seemed to offer itself up to her and, in those lingering seconds of silence and darkness, Petra felt every ounce of uncertainty slip away, to be replaced by sheer determination. I have to know, one way or the other. 

“Levi,” she whispered, letting her gun hang down her front from its straps. 

“Someone’s coming,” he muttered. 

To hell with this game. Petra thought as her hands took hold of Levi’s shoulders and pushed hard, turning him towards her. His head jerked around, eyes confused and annoyed as they sought out her own. Before he could object, she moved her hands and pushed him against one of their hiding spot’s thin walls. Barely a breath left him as he hit the wall. 

Petra leaned in before he could snap out some sarcastic comment or whatever. Her lips touched his in a second, soft but firm, pressing against his. He stiffened beneath her, or at least his body did. His lips seemed to relax under her touch. His eyes widened for a moment and then his lips lowered. He breathed out, moving his lips against hers with no effort to shove her off. Instead his hands, which had let his own blaster dangle between them, found her shoulders and clutched onto them. 

Seconds later, his lips began to move against hers. He was kissing her back! Euphoria and victory danced together in Petra’s chest as she leaned into Levi, feeling his hands move to the back of her head and her lower back. The sounds of hurried footsteps and blaster fire disappeared under the heavy drumming of her own heartbeat against her ribcage. 

His hand on her lower back moved to her right hip so that his arm rested at her back. His fingers on her head began to stroke her hair and Petra hummed into the kiss quietly. 

He held her like she was precious. Like they were in a real war zone right now and he just had to keep her safe. He stepped forward and, for a moment, Petra expected to be pushed off. Instead he turned them so it was her with her back to a wall and it was Levi’s body protecting hers. She gasped a little and pulled away only for his hand on her head to move to cup her cheek instead. She lifted her soft amber eyes to his and began to smile up at him. He brought a finger up to touch her lips. 

Behind Levi, a figure rushed past their hiding spot, apparently too intent on where they were running to or from to notice two hits they could have landed just not. But even so, right now Petra wasn’t concerned about hits or scores or hiding. Her thoughts lingered on the feel of Levi’s mouth on hers and how much she wanted to feel it again. 

She reached her hand up to cup his cheek and jaw, pulling his face back towards hers again. He leaned in a little and they were kissing again and everything was sweet and simple. The world beyond them blurred into the darkness they hid in and Petra’s hands held his sides, their guns pressed against each other in a clatter of plastic. 

The sound snapped Levi out of the kiss and for a moment he appeared dazed, looking into Petra’s eyes and then down at the guns. The remembrance of where they were seemed to hit them at once. Petra glanced up at the scoreboard and then the time above it. 

35:27

Nifa’s team score was 60 points higher than theirs. Petra remembered that she was supposed to be the captain of this team after all. 

Levi’s hands gently moved to cover hers, his eyes staring into hers for a moment. “We need to-”

“-get back to the game,” Petra finished for him. He stepped back from her and regret filled her chest at the absence of him. However, she stamped it out with the reminder that their teammates needed them and 35 minutes was not really a lot of time to unpack what had just happened and still try and win the game. 

Levi nodded and picked up his gun. “Ready?”

Her head was still in a daze but Petra concentrated on the part that was still thinking logically. “You go one way, I’ll go the other,” she said. Already, Levi moving away was forcing her mind to clear which could only be good for their team in the long run. But they would talk about this. They had to. 

The pair of them returned to the game quickly, racing through the arena and making use of obstacles and hiding places to defend themselves and launch sneak attacks. 

The scores for both teams continued to fluctuate with each team taking the lead at different points. Hange’s amused reactions were so loud that most people had a good idea of where they were. Occasionally Nanaba would cuss out either Miche or Erwin. At one point Moblit was chasing Hange down accusing them of being a maniac. Petra and Erwin chased down Nifa and Hange until Nanaba and Moblit arrived as back up. Levi took the least amount of hits and his record of hitting his targets before they could respond to his presence helped him to continue this streak. Nifa and Hange managed to ambush Miche until Levi arrived to balance things out. 

He and Petra bumped into each other only a few more times during the rest of the game. He placed a hand on her back to slip past her and, for a second, she was distracted by the tingling sensation that flowed through her. She barely managed to snap herself out of it enough to dodge Moblit’s next shot. 

Those 35 minutes flew by and with a final shot by Miche to Hange, the game was claimed by Team Petra by 10 points. 

Sometime between removing the equipment and heading for the exit, Hange slumped sleepily against the wall. There was laughter all around as Erwin lifted them into his arms and carried them out of the room. “The perils of having a big bowl of sugar for breakfast,” he remarked with a smile as Nanaba held the door open for him. Chatter lowered in volume for the sleeping Hange’s sake as the group made for the doorway. Replays of the best and worst shots were followed by ribbing about tactics and sneak attacks. 

Levi and Petra hung back from the rest of them and the dissection of the mask. They walked in silence throughout the building and across a fair stretch of the car park. 

Petra looked over at Levi with a thoughtful expression. Her lips parted as she tried to summon up something good to say in this situation but then remembered the audience of whoever was going to be in the car with them. She lowered her gaze and began to play with her fingers. Nerves crawled all over her body. This wasn’t something she wanted to sleep on or ignore until the next time they saw each other. 

Meanwhile Levi was staring ahead of him, mostly anyway. In the corner of his eye, he could see that Petra was fidgeting. He could feel unease creeping around inside him as his thoughts were dragged back to that moment in the arena - the pleasant pressure of Petra’s lips on his, twice. The way she’d held onto him. The way she looked at him. It was like she was staring into his soul and that should have been something of a red flag. It was troublesome to have someone know you so intimately wasn’t it? That’s what his childhood self and his teenage self were screaming. But something stronger and deeper inside him was saying something else. It said that Petra was different. 

Up ahead, Hange was being laid across Moblit and Nifa’s legs in the back of their car while Miche took the wheel with Nanaba next to him. Erwin turned to Levi and Petra. 

“I’ll drop you two off.” His eyes looked between the two of them, his expression unreadable. If he detected anything, he made no comment about it. Levi simply nodded and Petra murmured a quiet thank you as they both climbed into the car with Erwin. 

It was a long and mostly quiet half-hour journey back to the neighbourhood where both Levi and Petra lived. As Erwin began to pull onto a street several blocks from their apartment complex, Petra leaned in and asked him to stop. 

“We’ll be fine from here, Erwin. Thank you so much,” she insisted as Erwin slowed to a stop. 

Erwin smiled at her then at Levi. There was knowing gleam that Levi didn’t entirely like. “Okay if you’re sure. I’ll see you both soon.”

“Sure,” Levi said as he followed Petra out of the car. They waited for Erwin to drive off and Petra slowly began to walk with Levi moving quietly alongside her as she did.

“I thought we should talk about before,” Petra admitted, wrapping her arms around herself. “I don’t want this hanging over us and I just want to be honest.”

Levi fought back the emotions that were trying to show on his face. She regrets it. She thinks it was a mistake. His brain began to ramble. She’s trying to let me down gently. Well, let’s just stop that right here, shall we? Sourness flooded him. He should have pushed her off not allowed himself to wonder. This was a stupid fucking mistake. “Then just say it,” Levi shrugged, his tone hard and he hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans. Get it over with. 

Petra faltered, stopping immediately and staring at him. “You- you knew?” she asked quietly. 

Levi stopped a few paces ahead of her, his tired eyes looking back into her pretty ones. “Yeah, it’s pretty obvious,” he told her. 

Pink blossomed in her cheeks and spread over her face rapidly. “I…” she murmured as her brow pinched in annoyance, “I thought I was hiding it pretty well.”

“Well it’s crystal clear now.” 

Petra bit down on her lip. “So… I guess you don’t… I mean…” she huffed in impatience at herself. “Is this you making your point without actually saying the words? Cos I kinda need to hear you say it, Levi. I can take it. I’m an adult. You don’t need to soft-soap me on this.”

Levi fully turned to face her, unhooking his thumbs and lowering his hands by his sides. “What the fuck are you talking about?” His brows lifted and some of the sharpness of his frown softened. “You’re the one stumbling over telling me.”

Petra looked baffled. “Eh?”

Levi lost patience with this little back-and-forth. “You’re trying to tell me that you regret the kiss. Don’t pussyfoot around it, Petra.”

“I don’t regret the kiss,” Petra answered immediately, silencing Levi. “If anything I regret not kissing you sooner,” she added, her hands grasping her elbows. Caution was clear in her eyes but her lips pursed with determination. This conversation had to happen one way or another.

It was Levi’s turn to wear confusion all over his face. “But you like Hange.” As he said the words, his mind was already flashing through images of the two of them together and the way it had made his stomach burn to watch that easy affection, to feel resentment for the fact that that affection wasn’t being displayed to him. He had tried to logic his way out of such thoughts and when that didn’t work, burial was always something he had made a half-decent job of. Now he was stood here being told that he’d gotten it wrong?

“I love Hange,” Petra agreed, “as a friend.” She began to smile again although he could see some unease gathering in those perfect amber eyes of hers.

Levi pursed his lips. A feeling of utter stupidity began to weigh down on him. He should have considered that this was just an affectionate thing between Petra and Hange. Hange was always hanging off their friends and hugs were their favourite way of greeting. He couldn’t remember them ever flirting with any of them though. Well, perhaps Erwin and Moblit but honestly those felt more like play than anything else. Of course, clearly his detection for such things wasn’t as good as it could be so perhaps he was just wrong about that too.

“Does Hange know that?” The question was not the thing Levi had intended to ask and yet it slipped out far easier than anything else he was thinking about asking. 

Petra lifted her shoulders a little then lowered them as her smile widened. “If it comes up, I’ll put them straight.” She stepped closer to Levi. “I’m more interested in you… how you feel about me,” she confessed. “I’ve liked you a lot since the day we met at your mother’s garden party. Since we spent the whole afternoon talking,” she recollected with a reminiscent smile. 

“The afternoon that you mostly spent talking,” Levi retorted although his lips twitched into a smile. 

“You could have walked away. You’ve never been shy of doing that before,” Petra began to grin. 

“I never said I was bored listening to you.”

Petra shifted from one foot to another, tilting her head with a bolder smile. “You let me kiss you again.”

“I never said I didn’t like you kissing me, either.” Levi argued. 

“I guess there’s a lot that you’ve never said,” Petra mused, stepping even closer now, lowering her arms so they were almost chest to chest. “I’d much rather listen to what you do have to say,” she told him. “Because I don’t make a habit of crossing that line and I just really need to know if there’s something there for you too or… if I just need to forget this.”

Levi lifted his hand and inched his fingers towards her face until they slid over her smooth, round cheek. The words he wanted to say but had struggled with for so long rose to his throat as if summoned by some spell-caster. He leaned in a little until their noses were touching. “I care about you, Petra,” he told her. “You’re not just my friend.”

Petra exhaled softly and her hands lifted to hold onto his hips. “So… you…?”

Levi’s smile turned teasing. “Do you want me to spell it out for you?” and with that question, he leaned down to kiss her lips. 

She smiled into it, and once again the world melted into the blazing golden light of sunset and the blurry shapes of an empty, quiet street.

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