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freshlyrage · 1 day
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Running Like Water
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Chapter 24
pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)
fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues
fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon
word count: 5.7k
IMPORTANT a/n: I've got no explanation this time, school and work just have been beating my ass. But this is the last chapter of the second part of this series. There's going to be a... different stylistic change next chapter. Things are um... not going to be as peaches and cream. Don't start the Mari witch hunt... i'm sorry in advance....
Enjoy
Masterlist
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You cried after sex for the first time with Javi tonight. He fucked you roughly into his mattress, bit your shoulder and kissed you. He looked at the clock and stood up from the bed after finishing on your sheets. Watching him begin to leave made you heave. You start to sob with you face pressed into the pillow. He damn near tripped over his shoes rushing back to the bed. 
You couldn’t explain it to him, he was panicked. 
What did I do?
Did it hurt?
Andrea, please talk to me. 
Hey, hey—I’m not leaving, I was getting you a towel—
Baby, please you’re scaring me. 
He presses his thumb across your cheek collecting your tears. His eyes are wild, blown out and concerned. 
Your first question scares him. You didn’t mean to, it was only a segway. 
“Do we have too much sex?” You pant, warm tears still falling. Javi swallows hard, you could nearly feel his heart beat at the pad of his thumb while strokes your face. 
It’s Friday night. 
The week had been good. Great even. After your little lake day you and Javier decided to no longer be apart. You biked home that night and snuck him into your room. He ate you out, the sun had you beat and you fell asleep immediately after. He is learning how to sneak out quietly. That was wednesday. 
On Thursday, you decided to go to the public library. You had some lessons for the second session of summer school to get done and you wanted him around. 
He was very good. Silent and reading while you chewed your pen cap. You caught him doing more staring than reading but you couldn’t mind. You’d just smile and go back to your work. 
When you were done the two of you strolled the aisles of Laredo Public Library, picking books for each other. You spot Neruda in the poetry section and you silently squeal. Getting up on your tiptoes to reach when you’re lifted off your feet. Javier lifts you to the top row and you let out a cackle deserving of a shhh from the ancient librarian. 
He behaved well, until you were driving home and he took you from behind in the back seat of his truck. 
He kisses you sweetly, tells you he loves you and drives you home.
He finds himself in your bed once more, this friday night. You know he should leave soon, tomorrow morning is the wedding. You hadn’t anticipated breaking down in this way. You need all of the rest you can get, god knows Melissa will be raising hell at 9 am. It was only ten when you asked Javier the question. 
“Uh— No—yes? Please tell me why you’re still crying.” 
You sigh, “I’m… sorry.”
“Why? Should we turn it down? Am I being too much-“
You scrunch your face and turn your head into his hand. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to start this conversation, crying and asking him if their sex is too much. Strangely you felt too scared to tell him. “God no! I was just…” You choke on your own words. “Nevermind.” 
“Nope—nope, none of that querida.” Javier pushes your hair back out of your face, you close your eyes surrounded by his warmth. You could die here you fear. You can’t believe you’re here—there, in his arms like it’s nothing. 
You think of Xavier. Xavier made you cry. 
“This is my first sexual relationship where I’m like not sighing and bracing myself before you touch me. It was like that with Xavier, I’d disassociate while we had sex. It was okay at the beginning because I suppose I somehow liked him, but then he just got fucking mean.” You picture him, what he looked like in high school. The dirty blonde, blue eyed jaw clenched soccer player. You wouldn’t guess he was hispanic in a million years, he seemed to be so distant from his culture, you tried to understand but you just didn’t get how—it bothered you, his ignorance. You somehow looked past it all, he kissed you sweetly before class. You hadn’t been kissed sober since Javier by that point. You were easily molded. “I don’t know why I’m talking about this, I'm sorry.” You rub your eyes, you know Javier could be a jealous lover. You didn’t want to bicker over details of your previous relationships. 
“Andrea, just talk to me. Tell me about him. I’ve told you plenty about her.” 
Lorraine, you’ll face her tomorrow. You fear you might chew her head off, or maybe she’ll claw your eyes out. No mimosas tomorrow, or else it��ll get messy. 
You suddenly feel a wave of tears threatening behind your eyes, burning. Somehow you begin to ramble while he watches, stroking and caressing your face.
“He asked me out at a beach in Corpus Christi,  it was my idea of romance back then. I suppose I just wanted to be liked by someone. We dated for almost two years, you know? I sort of enjoyed our time together. When we were just sitting around watching tv, making fun of episodes of Dynasty. Then he’d touch me and I would dread it every time. Like my whole body would just leave, and somehow I’d end up on my back. I don’t think I ever felt violated or anything like that, he was just cold during sex and selfish. One time he got rough out of nowhere, and I got really excited, like yes, you’re trying something new. Those times when he’d be rough, it didn’t feel like him so I would enjoy myself. I finished, once. And I was so sensitive after, I wanted to cuddle and kiss him, thank him. But I remember he just bit my shoulder and got up to leave. Without cleaning me, I was seventeen. I started to cry, I would cry every time he left afterward” You were sobbing. You remember it all, you remember the feeling of being fucked and left, and the gaping hole it left in your heart. “I wasn’t even crying because I didn’t want him to leave, I didn’t want anyone to leave me. And they had, I thought I moved on from that. You’ve rushed out of my room plenty of times.” You hiccup, “I just got really sad today, I’m sorry I ruined our sex.” 
Javier looks down at you, your head leaning against his knee. The light in your bedroom casting him an orange glow, his brow quivered and he shook his head, stroking your hair once more. 
“I love you.”
It hurts to hear, “I know. I love you t-“
“No- I love you and I can’t bear to watch you like this. You can never ruin anything, please never apologize to me for something so silly. Please Andrea.” He slides down to lay with you again. You begin to cry harder. 
“I need to get help. I have severe abandonment issues.” 
You’ve known it deep inside, you’ve been too afraid to say it. You didn’t want to hurt his feelings, you wanted Javier to be enough to fix you. But even though he soothes the pain so well, there’s too many layers to ignore just because he’s here right now. 
It’s silent for a beat. He just breathes and nods, you fill his chin at the top of your head. 
“I do too.”
“You don’t have to say it to make me feel better.” 
He’s perfect, how could he ever need help-“I’m turning into my mother, the past few years have been self destructive decisions. I’m aware of it so much that it makes me ill. I threw up on Tuesday because I saw my departure date circled on my calendar.”
Now you’re silent.
“Yeah we need help.”
“God bless our therapists.”
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Genie had other friends. Three other girls crowded your kitchen island downing fruity cold drinks clad in flowy yellow gowns. You decline the lounging and giggling, you rather keep Genie company. She requested no bridesmaids during hair and makeup—just come up when I’m in my gown—you figured you were an exception. And you were because she beamed the second you walked into the room. 
She was alone in a white slip, her face painted so beautifully and her brown locks pulled into a  decorated bun. You prepped your room for powdering and pampering, cleaning at the crack of dawn after your night with Javier. Genie sat on a lush chair by the window facing the backyard. You could hear the bustle of workers putting their final touches. 
“You look so pretty my love.” Genie grins. 
Your eyes widen at her compliment, she beat you to it. You suppose you were lucky that she wasn’t one of those bridezillas that wanted her bridesmaids to suffer in puffy dresses, to ensure the idea of always the bridesmaid and never the bride or what not. 
Instead she allowed the four of you to pick dresses as long as they were A. Pale Yellow, and B. Bohemian. You weren’t afraid to admit that your little childhood friend group seemed to be stuck in 1975 fashion, your icons were Stevie Nicks not Madonna! 
“Me, look at you. I-“ Tears well in your eyes and she isn’t even in her gown yet. It was rare, a thing like this. To not have to adjust to a new love in your brother's life. You felt if they ever broke up you would make Frankie’s life a living hell because there was absolutely no way you were staying away from Genevieve. The only person who rubbed your back when you cried during those six years, the first person at your bedside when it ended with Xavier and now there she is, about to marry your brother giving you a niece—giving you an older sister. “I’m just so happy it’s you—that you’re my family.” 
Your voice cracks and your period is definitely approaching. She frowns with a wiggling chin as she stands to pull you in. “Te quiero, de verdad, Andrea. Soy una mujer afortunada.” She whispers and she smells like she did in high school, an amber warm scent that comforted you but a smell so familiar you can—-
“Are you wearing the perfume you would spray Javier’s basement with after we smoked?” You laugh through tears.
“Yes!”
The two of you sat for a bit, rambling on about everything but the ceremony in four hours. She rubbed her stomach frequently, stretching her legs out on your bed like a cat getting prepared to nap. You knew her other bridesmaids slightly. Two of them were her employees at her first salon, Harrietta and Wilma. The third was her cousin who flew in from California, Olivia. Still, she chose you to be her maid of honor. 
“Are you prepared?” You ask finally, she looks at you and pauses her belly rubs. Genie giggles and blows a raspberry, with a head shake. 
“Thinking about it makes me so nervous and it upsets her…” She taps her belly. 
You nod again, sipping your water before glancing down at the yard through your window. It was slightly less hectic, you spotted your mother straightening a seat. She was clad in a float blue gown. You can’t help but wonder if she would put this much effort into your wedding one day. The thought makes your lips quirk in a frown. “Have you practiced your vows?”
“Let’s talk about something else, I do not want to sweat my blowout.” She was nervous, pale as a ghost, you suppose in your gaze out the window you hadn’t noticed just how anxious this topic was making her. Your eyes widen and you place your cup down. Unsure what to even talk about. 
“Right uhm—“
“Is Javier treating you well?” She cuts, reaching over to your bedside table and getting ahold of the church fans your mother placed on each seat. It was eighty five degrees out. Your cheeks go crimson, will you ever get used to someone knowing? 
“Yeah… I don’t know… he always has, somehow he’s better in a relationship.” 
“Be honest, have you guys had sex here?” She points at the bed she’s lying in. Your eyes double in size and you cover your face. But this is how it was with the two of you, she’d press about your sex life, you’d tell her, you’d giggle like schoolgirls then she’ll attempt to tell you about hers and you nearly vomit because of the circumstances in which her sex life occurs. 
“Yes! Often too… You know I struggled with sex before Javi.”
She frowns, she heard all about it during your monthly sister in law sleepovers when you were still in high school. Genie tried so hard to encourage you to demand what you needed out of Xavier. “Yeah… I know.” She rubs the sheets beside her and you wince. 
“Ew don’t do that!”
“Sorry!” She retracts her hands and folds them in her lap with a chuckle. “Not for nothing but If you would have told me earlier I could have rescinded the invite to Lorraine.” 
It was your turn to be avoidant. 
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Fair.” 
It’s silent again and all you could do is sip your water and worry about seeing Lorraine face to face after so many years.  
“Has he told you he loves you?” Genevieve asks, lying on her side now, propped up with her chin in her palm. Your lips quirk in a smile and you stare at the bottom of your gown. 
“He has.” You sigh when you think of what this must look like to outsiders. Andrea goes back to Javier after everything, “I think he means it.” You wonder why it scares you to be loved so much. You think being loved might sever you in two, it’s starting, you aren’t sure what to do now. 
She stands at that, and wraps her arms around your shoulders while you sit. “I know he does, he has forever. We’ve seen it, it pisses your brother off, sure, but it can’t be denied. Hopefully in a few years I’ll be talking you down while you’re laid in a wedding dress. He’ll be nervous next door.” She kisses the top of your head. You tremble at the thought. You can’t think about that now. 
“One wedding at a time, let’s get you in your dress.” You jump to your feet and walk toward the white dress hung up on your dresser door. Unzipping the white plastic. Genie stands too. 
“Right! Right. But I'll be your maid of honor, right?”
Your brows furrow and you snap your head over your shoulder. 
“Bitch please.”
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You loved Javier in a suit. Luckily for you his career allowed him to be formal a lot of the time he snuck into your room at night, but this suit was reminiscent of prom and you grin. 
“Hi.” You smile up at him, surveying your surroundings. It was nearly your cue to walk out together, behind you were the three other bridesmaids and your brothers three other groomsmen. Friends he met at work that you never bothered getting to know. They were standing side to side with the girls. Javier clenches his jaw and looks at the chattering groups behind the two of you. He looks annoyed by the presence of the groomsmen. You shake your head, it was so like Javier. “Have you even tried… to befriend your wedding companions?” 
Javi furrows his brows and looks back at you then softens immediately. He grunts, “Nope, red head over there joked about asking you out tonight. Who the fuck are these guys?” He cranes his head to level with you. You loved when he did that, feeling guarded and protected by his presence even when it wasn’t necessary. 
You flatten the lapels of his crisp suit with a little tight lipped smile. “Friends Frankie had to make when you were gone because it came out that you were actually his only friend.” 
“Ah.”
“Think I got a chance with Charles?” You joke, tugging on his suit jacket once more. Javier’s face drops and his mustache twitches into a firm frown. His big puppy dog eyes make you never want to tease him ever again. 
“Maybe, Wilma offered to cut my hair for free when I was serving Frankie some scotch earlier-“
“Okay enough of this game.” You snap, your face turning hot. He puts on that stupid smug smile and nods a truce. The two of you face forward shoulder to shoulder, the music begins and you know you must count to twenty before the doors open. 
Javier offers you an arm. You slap his behind before intertwining. 
“You��re gross.”
“You love me gross.” You giggle, squeezing his bicep. The doors open and you walk out to your backyard. The entirety of Laredo were at their feet smiling at the two of you. Javier leans in your ear and whispers, “Hmm yeah, you look beautiful in yellow but I rather see you in white.” 
And the two of you walk down the aisle and you hope it isn’t your last time. 
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Genie loved drama. Well, no. Genie loved being the drama. You silently cried the entire time they exchanged their vows. Why Genie decided to have her wedding three days before your cycle begins is beyond you. The vows were very much Genie, with some censoring. She promised your mother that she won’t be vulgar, she already went against Melissa’s wishes when she said she rather have the ceremony and reception at home instead of the ceremony at church. 
The entire backyard erupted in cheers when she made a comment about being so grateful to be starting a family with Frankie. Somehow you forgot that only your small circle knew. Genies ninety-one year old grandmother jumped to her feet in happiness. 
It was surely safe to say that your brother's wedding reception ranked high on the happiest you’ve ever felt. When the officiant granted them their first kiss as a married couple Genie of course pinched his behind causing your mother to gasp and everyone in their seats to giggle. Most importantly your brother smiled brightly against his wife’s lips. 
The cocktail party was in your front yard, half an hour while they set up the backyard once more to fit all guests. It was the duty of the direct family of the groom and bride to scurry around and set up. So you and Javier did just that. Folding white chairs and loading them in the van. Centering flowers on tables. Picking up fallen name cards. 
 Once the sun began to set, the guests walked through the pathway leading to your backyard and found their places. And the live mariachi arrived. You let out a huff when you were finally able to sit down, Javier groaned at the bend of his knees. 
“I’m going to need sixteen hours of sleep after this.” He says, picking up his beer and sipping. The scene was oddly similar to Liandras quince. You laugh, taking your own beer and following suit. You glance over to the Bride and Grooms table, decorated more elegantly and intentionally. They were beaming, swaying back and forth while talking to each other. The kids of town dancing and running around, kicking balloons in the air and not letting it drop. “We should get a hotel tonight.” He whispers against your shoulder. You side eye him and smirk, pinching his thigh. 
“Yeah, we should.” Your eyes scan the crowd once more, landing on a table in the far right corner of the party. Mr. and Mrs. Smithfield, clad in light blue. And right next to them, sitting in silence, Lorraine. Your eyes widen at the sight of her for the first time in nearly seven years. Her hair a darker shade of blonde, pin straight. Her eyes land on you. Although you feel your heart drop you still offer a small smile. 
She rejects the gesture, eyes darted between you and Javier, and peels her eyes alway with a straight face. 
You frown and look at Javier. “I just saw Lorraine.” He frowns just the same, placing his hand on yours while it rested on the table. The touch burned straight through you. Removing your hand and placing it back into your lap. You couldn’t dare to look at him while you just retracted at his touch. But you could feel his body tensing beside you. You want to apologize for your reaction but you just can’t. You tried to avoid the idea of Lorraine coming back home, but now it’s here and the guilt is climbing up your throat and making your cheeks burn. And now you’ve made Javier upset. He takes another sip of his drink.
 The two of you sit in silence for a few minutes while you panic. She knows. It took her one glance to read you, read your body language. You feel sick, and you know that technically you didn’t do anything wrong but you were once her friend. Yet on the same coin  you also know that she mistreated him.
So why does this feel so bad? 
“I have to go to the bathroom.” You blurt, standing from your chair. Javier places his beer down loud enough for you to hear, he’s upset with you. He is. Your heart contracts in your chest.
He stands alongside you, “Well I do too.” He says in a tone so deep you know you’re going to get your ass handed to you. You want to pinch yourself because his anger makes your  cunt clench around nothing. You figure that you want to be chased by him. Captured, maybe he’ll fuck you in the bathroom and it’ll teach you a lesson. 
Still, there’s guilt in that thought. You won’t allow it, not when you’re feeling this way. “Javier we aren’t doing this-“
“Don’t make a scene.” He demands once more and you’re already walking towards the house, and he’s following you. The party was too busy to notice the interaction. You swing the screen door open without holding it for him, it nearly swings back in his face but he slams it wide open. 
You look over your shoulder at him as he trails behind you with a furrow in his brow. A jaw clenched. “I really do have to pee.” You say, the house empty besides the caterers, you had figured people would be trickling in and out considering your home bathroom was the only one for this event. A slight oversight on your mother’s behalf. 
“I don’t give a shit.” He grumbles and the two of you stumble into the bathroom. 
You sigh and glance at him while he stands with arms crossed at the door. Studying your every move. You lift the bottom of your dress and tuck it under your chin while you attempt to pull your panties down to pee. Javier shakes his head and strides towards you, holding your dress up from the back. You shut your eyes, “This is embarrassing and gross I can do this myself.”
He keeps a straight face, “I can’t even help you now? Now I'm embarrassing you?” 
You shoot him an annoyed glance, “Peeing is private.”
He grunts, you know slightly that you’re being ridiculous. You know he’d quite literally do anything to help you even if it’s as small as holding up your expensive dress while you peed. You shake your head and do your business quickly, wiping yourself with cheeks hot. “Why are you upset with me?” He asks while you pull your panties back on. 
He drops your dress as you stand a foot away from the toilet, he gets on one knee fixing the lining of your bridesmaid dress. God damn it, this boy was a dream. He stands once again with a grunt. Viejo, you want to say. You move past him without a response and stand in front of the mirror, beginning to wash your hands. “Andrea.”
“I wasn’t ready to see Lorraine and she—she knows.” You look at him through the mirror. His hands are crossed, the suit tightening around his arms. You wish you didn’t feel so gross, you’d turn around and drop to your knees, that’s just the sort of mood you’ve been in. 
He doesn’t seem to phased. “Knows…? She knows what?” Still, grumpy, angry. Still sultry and hot. He’s burning into your eyes through the mirror.  
You take a few moments to think, stare at him through glass–make sure he understands how you’re feeling. 
“She knows we’re fucking.” You grip the edge of the sink, he’s so tall behind you. 
He nods, stepping up closer behind you. Hips pinning you against the sink. “Is that what we’re doing? We’re fucking?” He dips his head into your shoulder, your breath gets caught in your throat. Yes, yes, yes. His hands come to your waist and ride up, up, to your breasts. Both palms cover yours completely and then some. He grinds against your ass. 
“Y-yes Javi.” You whimper, you don’t understand how he can turn you on so quickly. He kisses your neck and you watch. He’s craned over you while your neck is tilted, like he’s ready to devour you whole, sink his teeth into you and suck. You watch his hands through the mirror, pull your top down and expose your dark nipples to the fluorescent light of your downstairs bathroom. He pinches your nipples and you moan. 
And in an instant he bends you over the sink, your breasts pressed upon the cold surface. And he grinds into you clothed, “You’re my girlfriend, you understand?” The air is cut out of your throat. He drives again, “We aren’t fucking, okay? We’re together, I’m yours. Tell me you’re mine.” 
You bite your lip, your hair falling over your face. “I’m yours Javi.” You arch your back like a kitten, hoping he’ll pull up your dress and fuck you raw and fast. But he doesn’t, he leans over and stands you up straight, pulling your dress back up. 
“Good, I'm glad we have that all cleared up.”
You’re left panting and wanting a kiss. Wanting to apologize for being so—You shut your brain off and turn to kiss him. Lips pressed to his but his hands don’t move to hold you. 
Your brows furrow and you part, feeling wrong inside. 
“What’s wrong?” Your brows crease, in heels there’s still space to look up at him. 
He turns away from you for a moment, you hope to god what you’re feeling in your chest isn’t the way he felt when you dropped his hand. “I don’t feel good when you talk about us like that. Like we just fuck.”
Oh, your eyes drop to your heels as they stand perfectly in front of his oxfords. You aren’t sure how to apologize about your own insecurity climbing at your throat. But he doesn’t ask you to, instead he places a hand on your cheek, “You know that I love you right?”
The bathroom door swings open and you jump from his touch once more. His hand dropping to his side and your bodies reacting to the intruder. Eyes wide at the sight. 
Lorraine Smithfield. Again, but up close with another red  straight face, in a green dress. Your eyes flick down to her stomach, a small bump protruding and filling the dress. You feel your mouth go dry and you can’t help but look up at Javier. Your stomach is twisting into something sick. Your own face getting beat red at his own brows softening at the sight of his ex-girlfriend carrying a child. 
She just shook her head and turned on the faucet as if you two weren’t caught red handed. Your cheek stings from where he once touched you. “If you want to sneak around at a wedding you should at least lock the door.” She chuckles bitterly, pressing soap into her palms. “Frankie knows you’re feeling up his baby sister Javi?” 
She smirks and looks at the two of you once more. Javier’s nostrils flare, you could feel him counting to ten in his head. 
She’s pregnant. 
Lorraine is pregnant. 
“I’m an adult, don’t talk about me like I’m not here.” You snap, and Lorraine stands up straight, blocking the doorway with crossed arms. She looks between the two of you and chooses to ignore you once more. Like her business was only to zero in on Javier. 
“You talked a lot about Andrea being nothing to you all those years in Houston. Interesting how you switched on me.” Your chin quivers but you keep your face straight, you weren’t going to break in front of Lorraine, of all fucking people. You can’t help but look at her belly bump once more and furrow your brows. What is happening?
“I don’t really feel like talking to you, not when you’re angry. So we’re going to go.” He grabs your hand and you feel the sick instinct to retract again but you let him anyway. 
She hesitates to move before saying one last thing, and this time she looks you in the eye, placing a hand on the swell of her stomach. 
“He keeps you burning for him. Remember where he’ll be in a few months, none of this will matter again. I suggest you get over it Andrea.” 
Your eyes shoot open for a moment while Javier drags you out of the bathroom. You chest constricting and you drop his hand finally. Feeling the same panic you felt last night when you sobbed against your bedsheets. Walking ahead of him with dual intention, being upset and not wanting to look suspicious to the party you’re about to approach. 
“Andrea—“ He grabs your upper arm right before you exit your house. 
“Please, let’s just—talk later or tomorrow.” Your words are hurried and snappy, the apples of your cheeks hot and crimson. You knew you weren’t ready for all of this, you fucking knew it. Javier wasn’t having any of it, he shakes his head. 
“No.” His mustache twitches in a disapproving frown. You scoff with a taste of copper on your tongue making your face screw. 
“No— I’m saying no to you.”
He cuts you off, “We need talk about this now because I know you-“
“If you loved you’d listen to me when I say no. Let me go.”
Let me go. 
He doesn’t bother you the rest of the night, he doesn’t invite you to dance which you didn’t expect considering the optics of it all but sitting in silence side by side made you feel green. And you couldn’t help but think of what it means for Lorraine to be pregnant. You’d hope she wasn’t in a relationship, that poor man should know how bitter she still is. 
You feel bad for her a bit, whoever the father is wasn’t in the picture which was a mortal sin in her family. Preacher's daughter pregnant and unmarried, heavens. 
You can’t help but feel uneasy. You try to smile and enjoy the wedding but Javier’s eyes burn, he’s waiting for you to say something—anything. You pulled the love card, low blow. So you know he has no choice but to give you space to think. It wasn’t like you were jealous but you saw every muscle in his face drop at the sight of her mothering figure. You suppose you’d have a reaction if Xavier came to you with a pregnant girlfriend. 
For a fleeting moment you wonder if his face was something toeing the line of concern-worry. Concern, you understand, is close to love. You were brutally shaken out of the bubble the two of you created in the past week. 
The sun set and you found yourself avoiding the table that the two of you housed. Javier really only shook the hands of those who approached him and asked him in spanish borderline insulting questions about his career. Your mother fortunately was a woman to be feared so once she announced the night was coming to a close the crowd flooded the front lawn, watching Genie climb into Frankie’s Ford Escort with a giggle and struggle to fit the train in the car. Just married chalked on the windows and streamers and cans tied on the bumper. They drove off with beeping horns and cheers. Javier brings his fingers to lips and whistles a splitting one. The married couple had reservations at the nicest hotel an hour out of town. Their tickets to Puerto Rico awaiting them for the next week.
You walk past Javier and head straight to the backyard to close up some chairs , the only person focused on cleaning just yet. Your mother was still doing her part in crowd control at the yard. 
The moon was bright that night, and your feet were killing you. You just wanted to be in bed. Be in bed with him. You know he followed you, you focused on your attempt of cleaning (avoiding him)--in your peripheral you saw him folding chairs a few feet from you. You sigh to yourself, not wanting to talk now but you feel him.You can feel that his anger became sadness. And you can't stand to see him sad. 
He still talks first.
“I got a hotel out of town tonight.” 
You pause standing up straight, looking at him while he corners the table he was dissembling. 
“I’m–I’m going to stay here tonight I think.” 
Javier’s entire face drops, gone ashen under the moonlight. He looks at the grass below him like he’s trying to decipher if all of this is real or not. He nods, “Alright. I’ll see you then?”
You nod, crossing your arms like you're holding your body from its instinct to jump into his arms. You needed to think. “Yeah, goodnight.”
The air is thick between the two of you and he frowns. Placing his hand on your elbow, leaning down to press a warm kiss against your lips, you can’t help but lean back into it. “Goodnight,” He kisses the corner of your lips, “I love you.”
You aren't sure why you freeze but Javier walks right past you before your brain could catch up with your heart. 
You cry holding your stomach, alone in the aftermath of the simplest presentation of love. 
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freshlyrage · 3 days
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this would heal me
Me and my cowboy
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freshlyrage · 3 days
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being a bunny 🐰 like always
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freshlyrage · 3 days
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anyway double update before my finals week. And I need to apologize in advance because …. it’s about to get real ugly.
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i once again come with an apology.
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freshlyrage · 9 days
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i once again come with an apology.
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freshlyrage · 26 days
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my roommate and her boyfriend are going to draw a cover for Running Like Water for my 20th… you guys…
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freshlyrage · 26 days
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bridesmaid andrea <3
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freshlyrage · 27 days
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freshlyrage · 27 days
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jessica albas recent easter post makes my javi and andrea brain rot so hard bc why is that them in 20 years….
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freshlyrage · 1 month
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i live by this
My kind of man 🌲
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freshlyrage · 1 month
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I believe Javier Pena, despite contrary belief, is a sweet lover. He’s a man who doesn’t like to show affection in public, but will occasionally slip a kiss to you when he’s in the office. He’s a man who isn’t really a fan of baked goods, but when he comes home and smells the delicious scent of whatever you’re baking, immediately he wants to eat as much as possible. He’s a man who never let people borrow money before, but would let you go on a shopping spree even if he was in debt, just to see the pure joy in your eyes. He’s a man who is obsessed with keeping his moustache intact, but would eat you out for hours on end if you asked. He’s a man who was never really opposed to the idea, but not really into it either, wouldn’t want to be sat on, but the minute you came into his life (pun intended) he finally understood that craze. He’s a man who hates when anyone but you touching his hair, especially when it’s late at night, and the office is empty, and you’re on his lap, and he’s slipping his tongue into your mouth, and you’re tugging on his locks. He’s a man who hated when people would become inappropriate in the workplace, but the minute no one was around, he’d bend you over his desk and fuck you into tomorrow, praising you, saying how good for him for are, taking him in his office, such a good slut…
I need him so bad…
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I could look at this gif all day 😭
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freshlyrage · 1 month
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Adam Driver in the Girls on Girls featurette on the Girls Season 2 Blu-Ray disc
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freshlyrage · 1 month
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the damage this has done to Javier Peña nation. I can’t breathe.
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freshlyrage · 1 month
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Javi watches his best friend say I do at the alter. He can’t help but daydream about the day he says those words to you.
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freshlyrage · 1 month
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weekly visit to the pedro shrine in town
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freshlyrage · 1 month
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just insane
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I WATCH NARCOS FOR THE PLOT: (3/∞)
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freshlyrage · 1 month
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Andrea is a bridesmaid next chapter.
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