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hostilemuppet · 2 months

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you think it would’ve been better if creek did get eaten in the first movie? At least legacy wise. Everyone would mourn him as the last victim of trollstice, and the few who did know what an ass he was couldn’t really mess with that memory. Like my man would be better dead than alive

i think thats why i find "creek somehow survives" aus so funny. bc him surviving is literally the worst case scenario with him no matter which route you take.

did he save himself from the monster the same way poppy did while chef died, so he had to wander the woods for ages until coming back to troll civilisation, like presumably happened in the cartoon? even if he is genuinely accepted with open arms he was still LIVING in the WOODS. he probably ate MANY poisonous berries. he probably also ate special mushrooms and had the worst trip of his life several times over. he could only wash himself in lakes/puddles, and convenient rainfall, and MAYBE if hes a quick thinker and finds a pointy stick he could make a shower out of dew on leaves like branch does in the cartoon. even if after returning to the village everything is back to normal he still HAD that experience. plus, yknow, bergens are friends now. and hes one of two trolls alive who have the experience of being in a bergens mouth. he probably has to relive that whenever hes forced to be nice to a bergen. i think its awesome hes traumatised

did he save himself, wander the woods, come back to pop troll village, only to be met with disgust at his betrayal? sure, they let him stay, but its mostly because he cant sell them out anymore. hes harmless. but that doesnt mean they like him. they hate him. they might go to his yoga classes, its his one contribution to society, but no ones friends with him anymore. dj suki only invited him out because he forgot it was prank day, and he REALLY thought they were hitting it off! i mean, POPPY only even acknowledges his existence when hes annoying branch and cries to poppy like shes a preschool teacher. POPPY! the happiest troll of all, and they used to be so inseparable, and even if they werent "official" poppy at LEAST had a crush on him and he KNEW ABOUT IT! but now its nothing! he has no one. he was willing to kill everyone he ever knew and loved, and as a result, he is dead to all of them.

did he and chef NOT get eaten by the monster, and were just banished from bergentown, and chef used creek to wash her dishes like in the books? he cant escape her, shes on top of everything! like, literally, she towers over him. hes a tiny little rodent and she is studying him like a labrat. maybe she doesnt even keep him in a cage, because she knows he knows theres no way hes even getting out of the RV, let alone getting back home alive! which adds insult to injury, doesnt it. he has walking room but it doesnt help him at all. he may be freeroam but shes still his captor. hes held prisoner and borderline tortured for the rest of his life

did the previous happen, BUT he somehow got away from chef? whether he escaped, or she died, or maybe she gave up and let him go but i dont think that ones likely. he would, again, have to wander the woods before returning to civilisation. he no longer has the trauma of being eaten by a monster 500x his size, but he DOES have the trauma of being tortured by a monster 20x his size, on top of being almost eaten by a monster 10x his size. hes been through a lot, and he deserves every last bit of it

did any of the others happen, except instead of being allowed back into the village (whether they actually wanted him back, or they tolerated him because hes no longer dangerous) hes still banished? they dont let him back into the village, into his old pod. maybe they give him a tent, theyre not heartless, but they send him back on his way. maybe branch gives him an old book of safe forageables, not out of the goodness of his heart but to gloat, that now CREEK is the lonely ostracised hermit and BRANCH is beloved by the community and the queen. HIS queen. good luck, buddy. from the looks of how youre faring after one month, youre gonna need it!

and theres probably OTHER options i havent even THOUGHT about! that are even WORSE. and he brought it on himself! because he valued himself more than his entire species! his massive ego, the way he fancied himself the next stage in troll evolution. i know its hard to accept your death, but if youre to the point you think you are worth more than everyone you have ever known, ever loved, you deserve what happens

#ask

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redrydersrequiem · 1 year

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Reunited ch 5

*had to sit in a room all morning and just twiddle my thumbs so got some writing down. So here we are chapter 5 again im a baby writer none of this is profed i just write and post. Everyone be kind. In my fic neytiri and jake actually took care of spider, like reader asked them to and the colored text is them speaking in Navi.

Previous chapter. Next chapter

Y/n pov

My mind is slightly eased after speaking with Norm. While he didn’t promise anything he also didn’t flat out refuse us, even so miles has continued to fine tune his own escape plan for us just in case Jake refuses to help. Right now however the biggest hurdle in his plan is Spider. Making sure we can fully take care of him, which evolves a mask that couldn't be tracked and a reliable source of oxygen for him. But after looking into some of the tech the new rda developers have been messing with I found a new type of mask for spider. It was more portable and no longer required to be charged; it would create its own oxygen so I keep my eye out and wait to swipe one when the time comes.While we all continue to follow any leads on finding Jake none of us are truly hunting him just doing the bare minimum to look as though we are all still loyal. It's not till a week later that something big happens. Ardmore has one of her goons call on us to meet Ardmore on the bridge.

Miles pov

I walk into the bride wainfleet and z-dog behind me. Y/n wanted to come but i wanted to keep her as far away from the general as i possibly could.

You called for us general”

“Ah yes colonel follow me, she leads us over to the hollow map now showing a large area of water instead of its usual mountain and tree landscapes.

We believe we’ve found a lead on sully's wearabouts

Really

Yes Mathewson pull up the data

Yes general

The map moves going back to the tree line just outside the rdas search circle. A red dot now displayed

We’ve been sweeping for old equipment from the war making sure everything was together and accounted for. In doing so we came across and active signal from an old fighter helios, it entered the edge of the tree line here and went west, until disappearing somewhere in this small grouping of islands

Thank you Mathewson. Colonel your team will leave at the end of the week, to start searching every one of these islands until Jake sully is found.

Of course General we'd be more than happy to.

Good answer: you'll be meeting up with a vessel we have out there already and they will assist you in your mission. Now go get me some results colonel

Yes ma’am”

Y/n pov

“So what did the wicked witch want?” I ask miles as he Lyle and z come back from their meeting with Ardmore

“There's been a signal from some old pre war equipment, its flown out towards the ocean region, ardmore wants us to follow up on it. She has reason to believe it sully or at least some of his followers.

“Well if it is Jake what are we going to do?

“I dont know darlin, try and contact norm again see whats taking them so damn long and if they dont answer well have to go with plan b.

“Ok ill go out today, and try again. “

“Good take Mansks and prager with you, but yall be quick about you hear i don't need this woman trying to find something to bitch at us about. Espesiclly when she holds your life in her hands ok love.”

“I will love take care of spider for me tonight.”

“I will darlin”

“Yeah no need to worry y/n hell be with his favorite uncle.

“Who says you're the favorite I hear Lopez call out as he approaches us.

“I say i'm the favorite and since i have seniority you can suck it lopez”

The two start going at it like toddlers me, miles and Z all just watching them.

“Don’t worry y/n me and Quartich will actually take care of shit.”

“Thanks z, ok boys let's go. “

We successfully made it to the clearing, ringing the com link non stop, when it was finally answered i could hear an odd sound in the background. It almost sounded like water or something, just reconfirming that whoever it is that answered was probably near the ocean

“Hello?”

“Jake?”

“Y/N?”

“Wow Jake, is it really you?

“Yeah dove it's me.”

“Ha dove I haven’t heard that call sign in years… oh jake i can’t even tell you how happy i am to hear your voice.”

“And I you y/n, now let me ask what's going on.”

“Have you spoken to Norm?”

“Yes I have, I was actually trying to get back to you but some stuff has happened with my family and I got side tracked.”

“Oh Jake, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything but I have to ask for my family and for yours.”

“What is it y/n”

“Jake shits is about to hit the fan here, Ardmore is determined to bring you in and make an example out of you. In her eyes, if she gets rid of you and your family then the RDA no longer has any issues with taking over Pandora like they plan.”

“And”

“And I'm guessing by the sounds of the ocean behind you that she's found where you’ve gone.”

“How”

“They got a signal from some old equipment that disappeared in a grouping of islands. They don't know which island so she wants to send us out to search, and if we don't do what they say they will get rid of us jake.”

I hear jake get further away from the com probably pacing, As i hear muffled cuss words

“Jake she wants to send us after you, but we're stuck if we don't do what they want they will get rid of us. We need to work together and come up with some way to delay Ardmore and get us out, so we can help you.

“Y/n its not going to be that easy.

“Well then tell me what we need to do to make it easy jake cause the rda isn't going to go away again without fully crippling what they’ve got going here. And no offenses but we’ve all been gone for 15 years the rda has stepped its game up. You’ll need our help”

Jake is silent again before letting out a long sigh. “I'll have to talk to some people, Dove. They’ll be the ones that will have to decide if we can do anything”

“Ok jake, we’ll continue to lay our part here but we're running out of time

“I understand here in the meantime is spider still with you. “

“Of course he is jake you should see him interact with everyone and”

“I can only imagine y/n but since he's still with you i'll send out a message to the clan to keep an eye out for him. Ok if they see a human kid with a bunch of Navi in army garb they’ll know who you all are. I'll tell them not to put up a fight that you aren't there to hurt them but you have to act until we are ready to strike. You just can’t hurt anyone

“We wont jake i'll personally make sure of it.

“Good till then keep in touch with me and ill try and come up with a plan to get yall off the radar. If your her only hunting party then getting rid of you will delay them till we can strike”

“Good point.” Mansks says next to me “if we somehow all died or got lost the rda wouldn’t be able to send someone after us right away without occurring more losses.”

“Yeah that would definitely upset the people over the general but it would also piss her off.” Prager chimes in

‘But y/n.”

“Yeah.”

“Be honest with me, I know you will.”

“Ok i promise.”

“Is he the same?”

“No Jake, none of us are the same. They’ve all changed and as the days move they grow more and more used to pandora and want to be a part of it. We’re different Jake, they could be different just like you where they’re on that cusp of not being human anymore but not fully being Navi. We just need help, so I ask you again as your friend. Please help me protect my family.”

“You always saw the best in me y/n, so I'll try and do the same with them. We'll have to meet somewhere neutral though, I'm not going to go through all this for quartich to betray me and hurt my family.”

“I completely understand Jake.”

“Ill be in touch dove, ill get and answer to you by tomrrow at the latest ok i have to talk to some people first so we can start making preparations. Keep this. Link open and let me or norm know if anything happens ok

“Ok jake i will

“Goodbye y/n and may eywa be with you.

“You as well jake. “

The call ends and i stare at the ground thoughts running through my head

I know in my heart that everyone’s changed and I know Jake would also help us, it's everyone else I worry about. While I don't want my family torn apart and used, I also don't want the people and the clans of Pandora to be hurt in the process either.

Jakes pov

“You did what now

“Im sorry tonowari but we have to help them”

“And why should we help these demons?”

“Ronal please”

“They’re are agitated and i can understand”

“Im sorry ok, i'm sorry that i brought this battle here when i told you i was done with war but its not going to go away. Look what's happening the rda hut tulkun, just as you’ve told me, they will not stop until they strip this planet of everything they want and then leave it in the dust to rot.

“If we help y/n and her team they can help us permanently alter the rda, possibly crippling them. We could cut this off at the source once again they have insisted that I don't have any longer.”

“What is it you expect from us jake sully”

“I expect nothing. I ask desperately for help to integrate and teach the sky people new ways, show them that our way of life is fully worth fighting for and then let them help us protect it.” Ronal and tonowari are silent. Exchanging looks with one another. Until Tonowari straightens up once more

“We will help you toruk makto, but know this will all fall on you and your family if it goes wrong.”

“I understand that and I will not endanger these people I refuse. We will set them up somewhere outside of the village until they are accepted and then we can go from there. Does that sound alright?

“Yes, on the grounds that I and my mate meet them as well since it is our clan they must conform to.”

“Of course.”

“Good then see to it Jake sully and keep us updated.”

“I will thank you tonowari, thank you.”

It takes until the end of the week to set up a meeting, being in constant interaction with jake we learn that we need to first meet with the clans leader tonowari since they are the ones that must teach, home and aid us

We take the ikran out and stop in our clearing to dump everything with a semblance of a tracker and leave it there. Spider rides with me today instead of miles. I like holding him close, it makes me breathe easier and Miles wants to make sure we're protected. We told the general we would take a quick trip to gather some more supplies for us since we found the food of pandora worked better for our growing Navi bodies than human food did. It takes a couple hours to get away from the base and towards the designated meeting spot it's an area just breaking into the ocean filled with overgrown roots of trees and moss. We land in a forested jungle esc area. A small stream and pond stints on a cliff face if you follow the stream and go further out into the trees you’ll come across the ocean. It’s truly beautiful though. Spider and I were so excited honestly to see the ocean and its beautiful turquoise blue water. I wish there was a beach to plan on and not just tree roots but hopefully spider will have the opportunity to have an actual beach day sometime in the future, all the ikrans are chirping with glee as we let them rest and drink some water. Everyone else though, were very rigged, ears pinned back and twitching at every sound. Hands twitching towards their weapons but making an effort not to grab them, tails swishing steadily back and forth. All on high alert, because even though we're here to make allies, training can not be easily forgotten.

“Ok darlin you ready” miles asks coming over to me and spider. I try and put a brave face on but my insides are twisted. Im affraid. If this doesn’t go well then well be essentially on the run from the rda and well be all by ourselves. I mean i have faith in my team but we can’t do it all alone and… i brought out of my thoughts by miles pulling me into his chest whispering to breath in my ear.

A few deep breaths and i shake my head he loosens his hold and looks at me

“Are you ready my love”

“It’s just sully i can handle him “

“Miles you I both know it's bigger than that. “ Hes silent

“Miles just promise be to try ok, we all need to reconcile and move forward before none of us can”

“Your right darlin your right”

“COLONEL”. Lyle yells out getting all of our attention. He's looking at the sky. Seeing a group of other ikran flying towards us. Everyone gets in formation, grouping into a somewhat defensive stance but still trying to look open since they all know what's at stake here.

Six people land and depart. Three of them are darker blue like us but there are two others. They look different from the Navi I'm used to, they're a lighter more turquoise blue, they have bigger arms and tails. They also wear shells and netting rather than the braided garments of the forest people.

As they get closer the dark blue male leads, his dreaded hair hangs behind him as he walks with purpose towards us.

Jake?” I ask the male as he comes to a stop a quarter of the way from us.

“Jake, neytiri i hear spider shout out as he goes bounding over to the group.

“Spider!” i hear miles call out to the teen who stops before completely running over to them

“It’s ok,” Jake calls out. Gesturing a hello to Spider. The atmosphere is definetly tense on all sides so i decide to try and break it

“It’s good to see you again jake and you neytiri

Jake smiles and neytiri finally comes out from behind him, no longer able to contain her happiness at seeing the person she used to know in a body gifted by eywa. I meet her half way between the two groups as she holds me at arm's length, looking me up and down. Before gently smiling.

“I see you my friend”

“I see you neytiri” She smiles and hugs me, I feel miles and the other scoot up slightly, miles in spider coming up behind me as Jake and Norm follow behind neytiri

“Tiri, can I cut in” Jake asks coming to stand beside her before also, quickly, hugging me and looking me over as well

“Wow dove, it's actually you, I honestly say I never thought I’d see you again, any of you” Jake says stepping back towards me as he eyes the man behind me

“Quartich”

“Sully, mrs. Sully”.

Tiri softly hisses at miles anger evident on her face, but she says nothing, she's not the only one though, i can tell miles is nervous even though he's trying real hard not to show it.

“Care to get this thing started sully we can’t be here all day.

“Right grab Wainfleet and come meet your new allies.” Miles Lyle and i walk with jake and neytiri over to the unknown Navi

“Ill translate for you jake tells us quickly

“We know how to talk sully miles replies snippaly to jake with wainfleet smirking next to him

“Miles please just relax, go ahead jake.

All right, then Tonowari, Ronal. This is y/n l/n, miles Quaritch and Lyle Wainfleet. They are the heads of their clan with Quartich being their olo’eyktan

“Guys this is the metkayina clans olo’eyktan tonowari and his mate and tsahik of his clan Ronal. They’ve been helping my family and i and have agreed to help you all as well”

Tonowari and Ronal i see you: doing the gesture much to their surprise “And i thank you for helping in our time of need”

Tonowari and Ronal look at each other having a silent conversation before returning my greeting, Miles does a simple nod/bow to show respect which Tonowari reciprocates.

“Jake sully has told us of your life’s, and i refuse to bring trouble to my clan without just cause. In fact we were prepared to refuse jake sully until eywa sent us a sign.”

“She sent me a vision”, Ronal starts “she told me to help you, and i will not refuse Eywas word not matter how much i disagree with so you sky demons will be helped”

“Um thank you”. I say nudging miles beside me to say something

“Yes thank you chief we just ask for somewhere to lay low. Miles spits out

“We just got our family back and we would like to protect it sir. Lyle adds to miles speech

Understandable, as ive said once we get you away from the sky people we will start teaching you the ways of water till you become a part of the clan.

Thank you thank you we will work hard i promise we are all very capable and will earn our place i swear.

“Very well, jake sully?”

“Oh yeah ok well first things first before all of that we have to figure out how to get you away from the rda

I've actually had an idea about that, Lyle states quickly.

Y/n pov

For the next hour we dish out a plan, our team would follow our orders and start searching the islands and the villages, once we get to the preordained village, the ocean clans would unite and apprehend the sky people that have been scouring the ocean nearby. They would capture all of us and fake kill/capture us in their attempts to rescue the toruk makto adopted human son. Hopefully there would be no casualties but the human soldiers that Ardmore sends to monitor us will probably put up a fight. Hopefully we can talk them into staying on the boat. Either way it was surprising how well all the boys got along. Working well to hash out this plan to where everyone was taken care off. It brought a smile to my face till i saw neytiri side eyeing miles, she was till stiff as a board so i decided to try and talk to her.

“Hey tiri can i speak with you for a moment?”.. she agrees and walks over with me to sit on some tree roots near by

“How are you Tiri?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean your stiff as a board and i know your not exactly thrilled with Miles”

“That de… Quartich has done much to me and my family, and i hold much anger toward him, but eywa has spoken and i am trying to listen to her.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t be angry with him, neytiri. You know i don't think I ever got to apologize to you.

“For what?”

“For everything for not doing more to stop the attack on hometree, even though I didn’t know they were doing that. Or for stopping miles and the other from joining the war for everything the humans have done to you I apologize.”

Tiri hugs me, both us having tears in our eyes

“I do not blame you y/n for i must also apologize, for taking your mate away from you”

“No tiri neither of us blame you in fact we don't even really remember it. What matters now is that we're here together in these bodies and are able to do better this time”

“Yes.”

“I must also thank you and Jake for what you’ve done with Spider. You out of everyone had every right to never even acknowledge Spider but he tells me he's close with all your kids and that you helped him so much growing up.

“Yes i must admit at first i was apprehensive but as he learned more about pandora the more i saw you in him, i knew you would want him to live a life not in a lab”

“You are correct. I wanted him to be able to experience the things around him so again from mother to mother I thank you neytiri.”

“Of course y/n of course”

Miles pov

“Ok that should be good for now, it’s getting late and your team will need to start heading back Quartich.” Jake says quickly motioning to how dark the sky has started to get the sun beginning to set in the sky

“Agreed, ok y’all pack it up.” I yell to my team all swiftly moving into action

“Sully i would like a word, privately” i say looking over at spellman as he quickly lifted his head from talking to Tonowari as soon as he heard me speak

“Fine, I have something to say to you as well”

Jakes pov

Quartich and i walk over away from everyone else

“Ok sully get this out of the way yeah”. Quartich says bracing himself like i'm going to slug him in the face. Part of me wants to but the more mature part has realized I had wronged this man as much as he had me.

“Im sorry colonel”

“Wait What!”

“Yeah, I'm sorry……. I've had a lot to think about colonel, and ive realized, you guys took me in when i got to pandora, despite my disability you all treated me like a normal soldier. Made me part of your team despite me being assigned to grace, didn’t let me feel like I was just some experiment, and what did i do, I betrayed you all. I immediately made you the enemy when in reality it was the rda that where the enemy we were all just caught in their net, just like now. Which is why I apologize for that but you have to see now why I did what I did don't you?

“I do sully i do, he turns to look at spider and y/n quickly.

“I forgot when i was human that i made a promise to myself that they would come before everything else. I wanted a good home for my family and thought the only way to get it was to follow orders.

“I understand that, which is why i propose a new start”

“What do you have in mind?”

“I say we let the past stay in the past. No longer opposite sides of the board but comrades in arms once again. That we help one another to realize our dreams for our families. What do you say?” I ask holding my hand out to shake and sign the pact.Quartich looks at my hand for a moment for grasping my arm and shaking it a nod in my direction

“Agreed sully, let's take these bastards out, but first lets get us away from them deal

“Yes sir.”’ I say a slight grin in my tone.

“Dad, we're ready!” I hear spider yell out, quickly turning Quaritch's head. We both look over to the boy with a goofy smile pressed on his face.

Hey thanks for taking care of my boy, jake

“Of course, colonel, I promised y/n I would..

“Yeah now let's get the job done.”

Tag list

@dyingofcookies @ratchetprime211 @myh3artttt @ducks118 @navs-bhat

#avatar fanfiction #avatar oc #avatar way of water #jake sully x reader #miles quaritch x reader #spider x reader #deja blue team x reader

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aroace-polyshow · 1 year

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follow up to my last oc rant: im gonna cover weiss and jex here since im brain rotting about them again sigh

also i tried my best with the sort of worldbuilding dont come for me if its not great this was for fun

jex’s illness specifically was inspired by this fictional disease thing i saw on pinterest and im so sad bc i didnt save it so i cant link it FUCK anyway specifically it was heavily inspired by the ink cough one. essentially jex’s body pretty much starts to slowly fail on them. throughout the life of one affected by this, they’ll slowly become weaker and weaker, getting sick much more easily (and those sicknesses tend to affect them much worse), having more and more violent coughing fits, being unable to heal very quickly/properly/more prone to infections, and blood from any injuries gets darker overtime, eventually becoming black. a lot of people often become eventually paralyzed. nearly everyone who has it has their expected lifespan cut incredibly short. those rare people that live longer spend their last days pretty much suffering. (no one really knows what causes it, theres rumors that it was a curse from an old dead god, placed upon the world in their final breath.. 👀 hehe)

stress tends to trigger jex’s cough but its not ink its like blackened blood. while they do tend to cough occasionally just in general, stressful situations will trigger a really really bad coughing fit, its worse depending how distressing it is to jex.

oh, and i forgot to mention!! weiss also has a sort of condition!! basically whenever they have an injury that draws blood, flowers will bloom from them. these flowers often help the wound to heal faster than if they weren’t there!! weiss was always fascinated by this, and (!!!possible tw: sh!!!) !!!sometimes would get hurt on purpose to draw blood and see the flowers bloom. its pretty cool having basically blood flowers that help you heal faster...until its like an internal injury then theyre an absolutely fucking pain in the ass to deal with.

so, weiss and jex were childhood best friends. they’ve been best friends foreverrr (and now romantic partners <3) since the one time jex fell out of a tree like a foot away from where weiss was messing with mechanical stuff. how fun!! jex had pretty much hopped out the window of their house after their caretaker left their room for like 2 seconds to grab their tea (which they absolutely fucking despise). before weiss can even say anything jex is just like “OOOOO WHATS THAT OMG” and just. fucking grabs the lil mechanical thing weiss was messing with.

weiss got pissed off at first bc “hey who are you why are you touching my stuff??” but then was overjoyed at the opportunity to infodump about her machines and stuff. boom now theyre besties. weiss used to help jex sneak out all the time. jex absolutely loved weiss for this, she was helping them live their childhood and god they’d do anything for her already.

weiss learned why jex had to stay inside all the time but it never really hit her until she actually witnessed one of their coughing fits. jex’s parents flipped the fuck out and weiss saw the amount of panic from them. jex had always played it off as it not being a big deal but seeing them struggle to just fucking breathe really shook weiss. the next time weiss saw them she made a promise that she’d find a way to help her, no matter what.

jex just kind of went along with that promise not thinking it was gonna be a serious thing, but weiss took that promise very seriously. she started focusing less on her interest in mechanical things and focused entirely on studying to help jex out. unfortunately…it resulted in them starting to drifting apart. jex was kept at home more especially since there wasn’t anyone to help them sneak out. eventually weiss hears about this group working towards learning more about their world, pretty much just scientists. she hears about one of their goals to help heal those illness that keep taking lives and she immediately fucking joins. goddamn shes excited!!! she can finally help her best friends!!! if only she read the fine print…sigh

so the group she joins, fucking sucks. very unethical experiments and projects but uh oh!! it seems theyre working with the shitty corrupt people that have wayyy too much power for anyone to do anything major about. so uh oh!!! no one’s coming to sue their asses!!! how sad for these (non)human lab rats :(

weiss had no idea about it at the beginning until shes offered a higher position in an important project, and she takes it bc she was told theyre working on the exact illness that jex has!! so of course shes gonna take that opportunity!! but unfortunately shes gonna be even busier, and jex wasnt happy about it. they already barely get to se weiss, and now they might not see them at all? theyre kind of hurt, and feel like shes treating them the same as their parents did. not letting them live the life they do have, just focusing on trying to extend it. it results in an argument between them, with weiss storming out. weiss didnt really get it, why would jex be upset??? shes trying to save them??? the fuck is their problem??? but she brushes it off and goes to start her new project, yay...

shes totally having a great time until she finds out just how far theyre willing to go “for research” (theyre really just pretentious fucking assholes who are basically torturing people and using “but science!!!” as an excuse). girl witnesses them recruiting fucking CHILDREN for these experiments and nopes the fuck out. and steals a child in the process. oopsies!! (she returned that kid to their parents and told them to get the fuck outta here) unfortunately!! they dont take kindly to people who know too much leaving their little group!! especially ones that also steal their lab rats!! uh oh!!

so weiss goes to see jex in the middle of the night, scares the everloving shit out of them, scares them EVEN MORE after she explains her situation, and they make up really quick and go on the run together!! how sweet!! (they make up properly later, weiss said sorry like a million times <3)

nowadays they travel around under new identities (their current names are the new identities btw i just refer to them in the past with the same name for simplicity [*cough* i didnt come up with previous names.. *cough*]). they visit bars and jex often does little perfomances and magic tricks there! if anyone's up to it, jex'll have a little spar with someone as well. they get by asking for tips for their performances. they often move from town to town, but they're fairly happy together <3 weiss is still looking around for any leads on possible solutions to jex's condition though, its how she got to know dorian. they crossed paths once and dorian was more than happy to help with her goal!! jex is here mostly to just enjoy themselves with their beloved. <3

notes:

jex fucking LOVES spicy food. doesn't matter how spicy it is, doesn't care how much they always end up coughing afterward, they will eat any kind of spicy food they'll see at any restaurant. (weiss has to beg them not to eat too much otherwise they'll be coughing for hours)

i think about them alot to "if i could ride a bike" - park bird/chevy , specifically in a modern setting. i love them dearly

i ended up writing...way more.. than i thought i had oh my god?? pls i originally did them first bc i thought they had a lot less but..jesus fucking christ man;;

#oc #oc stuff #oc lore #my beloveds #marlo’s stuff #tw death #tw sh #really small mention but just to be safe #this probably isnt great but oh well #i had fun #hehe

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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Hey, I'm looking to get some support and advice, maybe reassurance with this. (these are just a few incidents that I can loosely connect without typing like fifteen paragraphs, so keep in mind that in between some of these moments worse things would happen to drive me to make certain decisions)

TW: Racism, transphobia, misgendering, gaslighting (?)

Okay so, two years ago I came out as transgender to my mom, and i answered all of her questions about it and ended up coming out to the rest of my family on the same night as well.

BUT, she had an issue with my name. She said it was too long, too feminine, and too old. So, I listen to her and go looking for one that she'd agree with. I pick another, and she refuses because it was a name her ex had. All the while, I'm being misgendered and at that point I'd had enough. I talk to her about it, asking why she won't use my name or my pronouns, and she says that I'm trying to brainwash her. Yeah... She goes on a tangent on how I can't dictate how she feels and what she thinks, and how I'm trying to manipulate her, and at the end she's crying and the only thing I can hear is her saying I'll always be her little girl. All of this is made worse by the fact that my family has apparently forgotten that day completely, except for my cousins, who ridicule me for it.

I wait some time, before deciding to bring it up again. This time, she's angry, and she says that i will have to refer to her a certain way to be referred to correctly. (If this seems familiar it's because I've already brought this up briefly in a rant here previously) Her conditions were that I call her Zaddy, and use it/is pronouns on her. I tell her Zaddy is a slang word, usually reserved for sexual/comedic situations online, and she says she knows, and that it's her choice. So fine, I do what she asks and eventually I forget all about it. I'm seeing no results with my efforts, so I give up. She justifies her behavior, specifically saying if I forgot about her 'transness' then she can do the same. I try to say i don't care about mistakes and forgetting, just that she puts in a little effort but if course she doesn't listen.

Now flashing forward to my main problem, my cousins who I mentioned were making fun of me for coming out. They live with my grandma and their dad (they let all of this slip by, and never do anything about it even when things are happening right in front of them), who I used to visit frequently. They've always been racist towards me, calling me names, stereotyping my dad's side of the family, etc. etc. but it felt way more personal being made fun of for my gender and a name I chose for myself. Eventually I just broke down after walking in the living room and hearing them blast a video about trans people calling them delusional and disgusting, and ran out crying, calling my mom to pick me up. I tell her what happened, and she tells me that boys will be boys and that I can't blame them for their behavior because they dont know any better and then takes me home after making me apologize and say goodbye to them.

I get forced to attend family gatherings and they keep showing up at my house. So I ask my mom to keep me away from them, and them away from me. She asks why, and I reiterate that fact that all they've done is bully me for things out of my control. So she agrees, but I notice that she continues to go over there, like a lot. This is where I think I messed up, she starts screaming about how I keep attempting to control her and how I'm being abusive, and it's a whole mess. She says she's a grown woman who can do what she wants, while I try to explain that yeah I know now it was a selfish request, but I'm not trying to keep her away from our family, I'm just annoyed that I see her treating people who treated me like a freak of nature like her own children. She ends up yelling at me to get out of her sight and leaves for five hours.

I just want to know if I'm the problem here? Realistically I can take a step back and see that she's overreacting, but I don't know how to convey to her that the fact that she is, and actively seeks out, people who constantly make me feel horrible about myself and who I am. I know I'm also blowing things out of proportion too but it just hurts a lot, especially now that everyone just pretends nothing happened. How can I get better mentally if I'm being ignored and made fun of for something I can't control? I'm aware I can't change how people think or control what they want to think about inside their head but it can't hurt that bad to just listen to me once right?

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry you've been going through this.

Unfortunately, coming out doesn’t always go according to our hopes and plans. If people don’t react the way we wish, it does not reflect on the realness of our identities, and it is not our fault. You deserve to be accepted with open arms, care, and love.

You're not the problem here. You deserve to have a family that supports you and tries to be open-minded about identity. But unfortunately it sounds like your mom in particular is someone who feels that asking to respect someone is "brainwashing".

I came out to my parents as trans in 2018. My mom accepted it but needed to take some time to use the new name and is still working on pronouns, and my dad has just about wholly rejected it, using both my deadname and new name when talking about me. I don't know about yours but my parents are both in their late 60s, and I think that helps put it in perspective because, not trying to justify their attitudes around gender, but they were born in the late 50s and so the understanding of gender at that time was dramatically more simplistic than it is now. Unfortunately I've noticed, not only in conversations with my dad but conversations with transphobes online, is that they tend to believe that their education is the best possible education no matter where they went to school or how far they got, and that science never updates, that "basic biology" is all there is to know. For older folks, I think it can be hard for them to be receptive to new information that rewrites what they were raised on, and they begin a grieving process in which most don't move past denial. So I'm saying all of this because this may help you glean insight into your own mother's mindset, if you want to try to talk about this with her in the future.

If you do want to try and have more conversations with her about being trans, I recommend these tips on deradicalization. In this context, that means helping your mom understand other sides to an extreme point she has taken. That being said, please make sure you're safe first. It's very possible that continuing to bring it up might pose a threat to you, may make her feel more defensive about the subject, or cause more emotional damage to you. Please know that you are not responsible for other people's beliefs and you don't have to provide emotional labor to people who aren't willing to listen.

It can be hard to heal when you're actively in an unsafe environment, but I can suggest some things you can try. I'd like to show you The Coming Out Handbook by The Trevor Project. It not only explains gender diversity but it also has some tips for self-care:

Call, text, or chat with a friend for support

Talk to a supportive person in your life if you’re feeling sad or unsafe

Identify safe places you can go to if you need to get away from a stressful situation

Connect with a trained counselor via TrevorLifeline, TrevorText, or TrevorChat

Log on to TrevorSpace.org to connect with other LGBTQ young people

Focus on your interests: Do something you enjoy. Write your thoughts out in a journal or create an art project to express your feelings

Connect with your body: Take deep breaths. Take a shower or bath. Some people find movement like yoga, walking, or running helpful. You know your body best and what feels good for you

Put on headphones and listen to your favorite music

Watch your favorite TV show and relax

Remind yourself that you are a valuable person exactly as you are

When I’m having a hard time, what do I do to cope?

What helps me stay healthy, relaxed and positive?

Who could I call, text, or chat with if I need support?

What are my favorite things to do?

What are my goals for the future?

What are some self-care activities I want to try out?

Additionally, I think it's reasonable to not want your mom to associate with people who bully you. My mom, who self-identifies as over-protective, would instantly cut ties with anyone I accused of bullying me. I think that's reasonable, generally speaking. Your mom should be more understanding of you, her own child.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #trauma details #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse

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hqmillioncorn · 2 years

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FFxivWrite: Day twelve.......Missed the Boat

‘Round, round my family tree! I look like them and they look like me!’

babycorn, late to the party as usual, finds out about concepts a little too late. or maybe just in time?

also babycorns and cherrypits epic quest to find their family tree!!!! except they mostly just make a map and learn some new things

It all started when Lunya noticed that several of her crafting supplies were missing.

There was no real mystery as to who could have taken them, especially when the perpetrator had also taken the time to leave a handwritten thank you note behind.

Lunya took the thank you note with her and decided to follow the trail of glitter they left behind. The trail led from the door to her room all the way upstairs.

Something told her that Babycorn must have let Cherrypit hold the jar of glitter on the way out.

———————————–

Cherrypit watched as the last of the bright pink glitter gently fluttered out of the jar and landed on the map of Thanalan his sister had sprawled all over the floor. “All gone!!” He cried out as he threw the jar over his shoulder without a care in the world. After taking care of the empty glitter jar Cherrypit joined his sister in decorating their map.

In unrelated news, Andres had just won the Jumbo Cactpot and was about to go and pick up his prize when a jar knocked him out cold. Lunya was witness to this event but simply decided to step around him and continue her journey up the stairs.

Once she reached the top she was immediately greeted by Babycorn and Cherrypit waving at her.

“Hi Lunya!!!”

“Lulu! Lulu! Lulu!!” Cherrypit stood up and ran to give Lunya a hug. He was so happy to see her that he lifted her right off the ground. “Hi Cherry!” Lunya gave Cherry a little pat on his head and gestured for him to please put her down. Cherrypit gladly let her go and ran back to his sister in a flurry of giggles.

The first thing Lunya noticed was how much of a mess Babycorn had somehow managed to make with one jar of glitter, several small jewels and dozens of Chocobo feathers. There was even some glitter on the ceiling too, but that was to be expected with Cherrypit.

“What are you two up to?” Whatever it was they were doing Lunya hoped that both siblings remembered to clean after their mess.

Babycorn looked up from writing what looked like nonsense squiggles on her map. “We’re just finishing up!” Upon closer inspection Lunya noticed that the map of Thanalan was entirely handmade and featured such locations as ‘Ul’dah’, ‘scaree mines’, ‘lots oh sand’, and ‘DONT GO HERER GHOSTS!!!’

In the middle of the map was a location circled in glitter and shiny stones simply named ‘home.’

Babycorn dusted her hands off of any glitter on them and looked at the masterpiece that she and Cherrypit had made together. “Me and Cherry are making a map to find our family tree!” Babycorn explained.

Lunya blinked, a frozen smile on her face. “You’re making a map to find…what?”

“Famibly tree!!” Cherrypit cried out. He grabbed a fistful of glitter and happily threw it in the air. It made Babycorn sneeze which resulted in more glitter taking to the air.

“Alphinaud told us about family trees yesterday! They’re supposed to have your ENTIRE family in it! And he said that everyone has one so me and Cherry have to have one too!!” Babycorn sneezed once again but she didn’t let that deter her from how excited she was about all this.

Lunya found it was much harder to keep herself composed the longer Babycorn talked.

Babycorn looked at Lunya and then excitedly tapped at the map of Thanalan. “I figured out that our family tree must have been close to where we lived so I made a map to track down the possible locations for it!” Multiple lines of glitter had been drawn leading away from their home to the surrounding areas.

Lunya wasn’t exactly sure why they needed glitter for this or her fabric scissors but it was pretty clear that both siblings were putting their hearts into this.

Right on cue Babycorn took out Lunya’s fabric scissors and a tortilla. She used the scissors to cut the tortilla into three pieces, one piece for her and another for Cherry.

Babycorn, with a slice of tortilla hanging out of her mouth, offered the third piece to Lunya.

“Ah. Thank you.” Lunya took the (small) tortilla piece and ate it up in one bite. “By the way, if you’re not using my scissors anymore, could I have them back?” The note Babycorn left did mention that she would be giving back the supplies. Probably when she didn’t need anymore but it would be easier for both of them to ask now instead of risking Babycorn forgetting about them.

“Sure!” Babycorn handed over the scissors blade first. “Sorry I had to take them. I couldn't find any knives!”

Lunya took the scissors and placed them next to her. “You couldn’t? Oh that’s too bad…” There was a good reason that Babycorn couldn’t find the knives. Or at least, there probably was.

Considering Babycorn’s history there must have been a knife related incident in the past Lunya was just forgetting about.

Babycorn changed her position from sitting to lying down on her stomach. She took out a pencil and pointed at a bunch of different places on the map that had been circled using shiny rocks. “So far me and Cherry think these places are probably a good place to start looking!” Babycorn wasn’t exactly sure what the Starsinger family tree would look like but she was sure that she would know it when she saw it.

She told Lunya exactly that, completely unprovoked.

Lunya wasn’t exactly where to begin to approach this particular topic.

Babycorn closed her eyes and tried to imagine the perfect tree. “I wonder if our family tree is gonna be covered with pretty flowers?” Cherrypit would love it if that was the case.

To be honest, Babycorn didn’t really know what would happen once they found it but from what Alphinaud told them they would finally be able to find out the rest of their family! At last!

Babycorn stood up and did a happy little spin in place. It caught Lunya off guard. “It’ll be so exciting to find the rest of our family! I’ll finally find out who my uncle and aunt are! Maybe we can see our grandpa and grandma too!”

She’d only ever heard of other people having them! The possibility that she had them too never even crossed her mind until yesterday! And also today!

Lunya thought that the possibility that Babycorn could have other family out there was more than possible but the chance that they were going to find them in a tree on the outskirts of Thanalan was a little less than possible.

“Well…Babycorn, you see the thing about family trees is-”

“I wonder how many people we’ll meet that we never knew about?” Babycorn wasn’t really listening and instead turned to talk to Cherrypit instead. “Probably lots of them!” The possibility of finding her mama and papa there too crossed her mind but she wasn’t really expecting it. For several buried reasons.

“Lots of family!” Cherry cheered. He was really excited to meet everyone!

Lunya waited for Babycorn to stop talking to try again. An idea crossed her mind, Babycorn seemed more of the type to learn something easier when it was shown to her. Lunya looked around and noticed there were several pieces of blank paper that Babycorn must not have used for the map. “Babycorn? I can show you my family tree! If it helps!”

“Really?!” Babycorn looked even more excited than she did when someone told her that she could get seconds. “What are we waiting for?! Let’s go!” Babycorn began to run to the staircase to wait for Lunya outside.

“Lulu’s tree?!” Cherrypit ran right behind his sister.

“Actually I can show it to you right here!”

Babycorn and Cherrypit both froze in their tracks. “Really?!” At no point did either of them question how Lunya was going to show them a tree on the second floor of the house. Babycorn just assumed that she had just carried it in and Cherrypit guessed that Lunya would pull it out of a satchel, just like she did with everything neat she pulled out.

Lunya smiled and gestured for both siblings to sit next to her. They did so almost immediately. “Where’s your family tree Lunya? What type of tree is it? Is your entire family there?!” Babycorn didn’t really know much about Lunya’s family besides that she had a brother, a mama and a papa but she had heard Lunya talk here and there about how big her family was.

”Hold on! I’ll show you in a second!” Lunya grabbed the pencil Babycorn had been using earlier and a blank piece of paper. Babycorn watched as Lunya wrote down her name and then drew a few lines leading away from her.

Babycorn still couldn’t read very well but she did recognize the name Lunya wrote down next to her name. “This is me and this is Taro.” Lunya drew two lines leading up from her and Taro and then wrote down two more names. “This is my mama and papa!” A couple of more lines later Lunya realized that the paper wasn’t nearly big enough to fit her whole family.

“Can I have some of those?” Lunya pointed at a stack of blank papers next to Cherrypit.

Cherrypit nodded and stretched his arms to grab the papers and handed them to Lunya. It was kind of unnecessary but Cherrypit was very excited to see what she was going to do with them.

Lunya put the papers together until it looked like a long hot-dog shaped piece of paper. This comparison was made only in Babycorn’s head.

Next thing Babycorn knew, there were several more names and a lot more lines connecting them. Neither sibling really knew what line meant what but Lunya soon explained that one set showed her papa’s siblings, another her cousin’s and so on.

Babycorn asked about every name and Lunya had a story to tell for all of them.

Cherrypit listened closely to their names. Something about them felt familiar, almost like he had met them somewhere a long time ago. Maybe once, or twice when he read Lunya’s mind a long time ago.

This was the family he saw before! One time on the boat! He was finally understanding!

“Gandpa!” Cherrypit pointed at the name Bonifacio.

“Mhmm! That’s right!” Lunya nodded. While she did wonder for a second how Cherrypit managed to guess who her grandpa was, she chalked it up to a lucky guess. “When I was just a baby like you he used to be able to hold me using one hand!” Lunya tapped Cherrypit’s nose and smiled when Cherrypit giggled back.

“Whawawaaaaa-?! Huh?!” Babycorn almost fell back in surprise. She avoided falling on her back but when she tried to steady herself she fell forward instead. “I remember Cherry was really small as a baby but he was still way too big for my papa or mama to hold in one hand?!”

Lunya blinked. “Wait. No, Babycorn-”

“Was your grandpa really big?! Or were you really small?! How small were you?! Did your mama and papa ever lose you cause you were small?!”

“Babycorn I wasn’t that small! It’s just that-”

Lunya stopped mid-sentence expecting Babycorn to interrupt her at some point. When she didn’t, Lunya decided it was finally safe to continue.

“He’s not a Lalafell, if that’s what you were thinking.”

“What.”

“My grandpas a hrothgar and my grandmas a roegadyn!” Lunya decided to go ahead and tell Babycorn about her grandma too, just in case she had another question about her grandma too.

“HUH?????????” Babycorn quickly stood up and proceeded to almost fall over the staircase railing backwards. She was only saved by both Lunya and Cherrypit grabbing her hands and pulling her back.

Lunya really wished Babycorn wasn’t so dramatic sometimes.

Babycorn quickly recovered and ran around Lunya in a circle. “If your grandpa is a hrothgar then do you have a tail?! Is your tail invisible?!”

“What? No, Babycorn I don’t have a tail.” Lunya laughed at the idea. “My papa was (You don’t know this word.) by their family!”

Babycorn stopped in her tracks. “Huh? What was that?” If there was a word she didn’t know the meaning of then most of the time she wouldn’t even register it.

“Adopted!” Lunya repeated.

“Adop…ted?” Babycorn said the word to herself. It still made no sense to her, so it wouldn’t hurt to ask what it meant. “What’s that?” she asked. Cherrypit looked up at his sister and then to Lunya, he was also curious what this mysterious word meant.

Lunya nervously looked at both siblings. It looked like neither of them had actually heard of the concept before. It looked like there was nothing left to do but to explain it. “Adoption means, well, when you’re raised by different people that gave birth to you. They bring you into their family and pretty soon you’re part of theirs.” It was a rough definition but given how quickly Babycorn had asked for an explanation it would have to do.

Babycorn tilted her head and looked up at the ceiling. It looked like she was thinking pretty hard about something. “Raised by different people…?” Her voice sounded a little sad for some reason, “Does that mean if you don’t have a mama or papa you can get new one’s?”

“You could…”

“Oh…I see.” Babycorn sat down on the floor and crossed her legs together.

She didn’t look particularly upset, instead her facial expression reflected the deep thinking she was doing. “Guess we missed our shot there…” Babycorn decided she would be upset about it later. Maybe that night she could go outside and go “uawuauwawuawuawua” about it but right now she was just shocked.

Lunya gave Babycorn a pat on her shoulder, “I wouldn’t say you missed your chance.”

———————————–

While Babycorn was enjoying learning about Lunya’s family and the concept of adoption she was still a little confused about something. “Lunya? How is this a tree? You’re just drawing stuff?” It all looked really cool but it wasn’t the kind of family tree that Babycorn had been expecting.

“Hmm? Okay, hold on.” Lunya arranged the pages closer together and then asked Babycorn to stand up next to her.

Babycorn stood next to Lunya and looked down at the chart.

“See? All the branches and lines? If you look at it all together, don’t they sort of look like a big tree?”

“Oooh…” Babycorn could finally see what Lunya was talking about. What she had drawn did look like a big tree! A big tree that held all of her family! “Oh! Oh! Oh! This is your family tree!” she pointed at the family tree and excitedly jumped in place like she had just made the discovery of a lifetime.

Even if Lunya had just said it was her family tree just a few seconds ago.

“Yup! It’s the Lunya Lanya official family tree! Created by yours truly!”

Babycorn and Cherrypit clapped wildly for her.

Though Babycorn did feel a little sad that a family tree wasn’t a physical thing she could find the rest of her family in, it did feel like it would be a lot easier to find it now.

She would just have to make it herself.

———————————–

Later that night Babycorn had decided that she was finally done making her family tree. It had taken almost all day but she was finally ready to show it off.

She decided to show it off by hanging it on the front door of the house. She hung it on the inside part of the front door, just in case it decided to rain.

That precaution was Cherrypit’s idea.

It was a little sad that they had to leave that night to do a favor for someone.

“Oh well.” Babycorn decided to hang it there anyway, even if she wouldn’t be able to hear what everyone else thought about it until she got back.

“Okay Cherry! Let’s go!”

“Let’s go!!” Cherry pit jumped onto his sister’s back and climbed onto her head, tapping on her head to get her to go faster. “Let’s go! Go! GO!”

“Alright, alright. We just need to wake Dusty up too!”

Babycorn closed the door behind her.

#ffxivwrite2022 #ionce again say for the billionth time i wish i could have written this better but #i ve wanted to write this for a while so yay #once babycorn finds out about adoption she thinks back to what stelala told her all those years ago about living with her and goes OOOOH #i d like to think if babycorn meets any of her friends families she would just not talk to any of them she ll get shy #and then try to leave

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hatsunegarfield · 3 months

Text

tumblrz cool cuz i kno none of yall kno me and the ones that do are too far away to gaf but man im abt to vent post on main

my god every night ive been dreaming of old friends. fully innocuous dreams, not of friends i had fallings out with but just those who drifted away. we go out to eat, go on road trips, ride roller-coasters and stay in cool creepy hotels together. they look the same age they did when we last interacted but ive grown. they know me, know the things we lived through together, the growth we've experienced together. im 21 now and so horrifically lonely that my unconscious mind is providing me with the only platonic connects ive ever known, the ones i desperately crave. they're such happy dreams, i wake up having enjoyed our outings til im brought back to the reality of it all. im not 16 anymore, we dont talk anymore. they dont confide in me anymore, laugh with me til their stomach hurts, quietly take in the scenery as we meander through spaces we obviously dont belong, learning, growing, seeing all that we can outside our scope. we arent sharing cigs or passing bottles on my back porch anymore. we arent middle schoolers sneaking boxed wine and messing with ouija boards anymore. we arent camping together, exploring together, learning together. but we still do in my dreams. we still get to be stupid teens and 20 somethings in my dreams.

i love my fiancé to death. he IS my best friend, my closest confidant, my 24/7, my everything. but its just not the same as having a friend. a best friend, who knows you inside and out beyond that romantic connection because they have seen you at your absolute worst. theyve seen you green out and smack your head into the corner of a wall at 14. theyve formed a barrier with their bodies in the PE locker room to make sure no one saw your body or your scars at 12, they posed for the cutest little picture of you in your halloween costumes together at 6, sitting in your kindergarten class. and we are all such different people now, and i miss them so dearly, but i know the distance was intended to be. but god i miss them so deeply theyve infiltrated my dreams and honestly i cant even be truly mad. as opposed to sleepless nights and physically torturous nightmares, im getting to be young again, with the people who knew me inside out and backwards, who knew me better than myself and loved me anyways. who ha# a much longer, much deeper, DRASTICALLY different connection to me than any romantic partner could truly have.

i miss them so badly. even the ones i resent for us falling apart, i miss them. i miss them so deeply that some nights the only place i feel at home is my own dreams.

i was warned adulthood would be lonely. i never bought it. i believed we'd be friends forever.

now im sitting in the bath drunk, posting on this hell site about how much i miss those i truly loved, truly adored, truly wouldve taken a bullet for.

god, GOD the loneliness aches in a way ive never felt before. please. please keep close to your friends. even dispite a natural, amicable distance, please check up on them once in a while.

my failure to do so has resulted in a pit in my chest that i dont think any therapy or substance could truly ever remedy fully. a deep ache that only really rears its head in my dreams.

please dont let yourself fade to nothing as i did.

#vent #adulthood

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wittynameme · 3 months

Text

Tw : abuse and internalized trauma

i don't feel that "warm fuzzy satisfaction of a job well done" that was described to be as a child. Everyone around me acts like they get a sense of satisfaction and pride from the act of work itself. I can understand feeling better or proud of the result of proud of perserverence (only a little bit) but not the work . The words "work" and "productive" feel gross to me, like I feel an icky ace in my chest when I say it, similar to guilt or shame. Like if I said a slur on accident getting too into a song or something.

My hypothesis is that nobody truly feels pride at their work, it's a conditioned responce from positive and negative reinforcement from childhood. We are told over and over again that we should be proud of doing a task, like it's already implied that we should, we get praise and social validation for doing so and so we implement it into our own sense of self . Our parents gave us attention for it so we did it more.

Growing up I was asked by the older people around me "see, doesn't that feel better? Doesn't that feel warm and fuzzy, don't you feel proud"? Like- no I don't. And I'd really like it if you'd stop trying to force that feeling I to me . It feels violating. I want to cry.

And so over time I only assosiated work with:

. corporate propaganda

. people who fell for propaganda

. people trying to force feed me an emotion.

On the other end of that spectrum you had adults like my fourth grade teacher Mrs markham , who on the first day of school pulled me side , got right up in my face and said "I am going to break you" . And she damn well tried. To this day it's her voice along with the cocophany of others mocking me whenever I get up to wash the dishes. The shame physically hurts, that I'm giving in, that I'm doing what I'm told, that I'm broken.

"your just a brat that was never told no and now you cry whenever your told no, you need someone to counter act that"

" you deserve this"

" you need this to give you a spine or you'll turn into a degenerate"

"you need pain"

"you wont survive without someone yelling at you to get your r***** ass off the couch and do something'

"I knew I was right all along, one day you'll love me for this".

I want to throw up after cleaning. If feels dirtier than when it was cluttered. I feel like I'm not safe. Like this isn't my room anymore, like it's on display for someone else's approval. Like IM on display seeking someone else's approval.

And then I seek help from others and they say stuff like 'oh yeah I totally understand, I get so stressed feeling like I haven't done enough, but your feelings are valid! Just take baby steps and I know you don't feel like you're doing enough but I promise you you are"! Like no. That wasn't what I was feeling at all and I e never felt more alone in my life. Like yeah I get the feeling of guilt , like I'm less than human because I can't take care of myself, and then on the other shoulder I have guilt for doing anything at all!

I don't have a fairy and an imp I have a devil and then ju6another devil but wearing khakis.

I know. I know. You don't need to tell me. I tell myself on loop every day already.

I sound like a brat. Like an edgy teenager all "society just wants to break me ! I'm a reble ! You don't understand me MOM, I DONT WANT TO CLEAN MY ROOM because it's just a part of the machine"!

But like...we all know now that that stereotype is ageist and used to reduce teenagers emotions to a diagnosable set of hormones and brain chemicals right?

We can all move past that and acknowledge that I actually dealing with an intrusive thought that sounds like my elementary teacher telling me to kill myself because that's the only good thing I could do for my family and that's actually seriosly messed up and not in a quirky funny haha way , in a like ... Super fucked up that I thought it was funny haha as a teenager because of that exact steriotype right?

Now I'm *checks* 22 and dealing with SERIOUS issues completely alone because of this shit.

#Trigger warning

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rozu-minaki · 3 years

Note

Heyy🐼 I have new request :)- the MHA/BNHA boys with a quite S/O? like- she just dont make noise during the dance with no pants. she grew up in a house full of people and has gotten used to being quite when she gets off. how would some of the characters react?

other details- non-hero!UA, [character name] and reader have an established relationship, and [character name] and reader live together

hope you have an amazing day/night!!

Aww hi again! Sorry for the slow answering as I’ve been doing assignments while messing about on tumblr trying to get inspiration for a such an interesting topic! be sure to include the characters you want as it’s easier to do! Also this will be a small itty bitty self insert in the family part since I did grow up in a household like this! sorry if this isn’t as good as the last one ^^’ as always characters are aged up

warnings: smut, small pieces of angst if you squint

Bakugou: At first he didn’t mind he because he thought you were shy and such and didnt want to tear you out of your shell. But as time grew on and so did your relationship he became somewhat worried. Was it him? Was he doing something wrong? He slowly began to doubt himself in that department and retracted himself sexually, only interacting if you really wanted it. That was until finally he spoke up about it. Asking if he was truly making you happy and treating you like the gem you were. He was scared that he had put to much of his asshole demeanor up to make you loose interest, to which you only giggled and reassured him that of course he was. This only confused him more and when he asked about it you explained you grew up in a house full of people where privacy was non existent and locking doors was a no no so you had taught yourself to make little to no noise as possible. He had finally understood and was glad that he was treating you properly and slowly but surely you began to let yourself loose and let yourself make as much noise as you wanted when it was time for that kinda fun ;}

Todoroki: If he’s being honest he himself is also quiet. So when you guys had first done it he was totally okay with it and thought he should just allow you to go at the pace you wanted. But now you guys are living together and you still hadn’t done more then the occasional squeak and whine. So why haven’t you began to make noise when you guys had sex? So being todoroki he asked you straight up, wondering if it was him or if he was doing something wrong and if he was he wanted to know what so he could improve. You had to tell him that it definitely was not him (we all know he gives off big dick energy) and that he was doing amazing, it’s just you had taught yourself to keep quiet and make little to no noise as possible since privacy was only in the bathroom or after a shower in your large home of people. He was relieved and understood since he too grew up with multiple siblings. Soon Enough you got out of the habit of keeping quiet and now the new neighbors know shotos name! How lovely :D

Izuku: poor baby. He was truly worried he was being a bad boyfriend in the department and actually began to take notes on ways he could improve resulting in quiet mumbling and notes that definitely should not be put in the same book as his hero notes. One day however, he left them open and you found them, reading them and stifling a laugh but felt bad on how he seemed so scared he was lacking in that department but also happy because he was taking the time to actually try and improve for you (newsflash he didn’t need to he’s perfect). Once he came back he was embarrassed beyond belief and had to be coaxed out of his stone cold stare and blush. Of course you told him he didn’t need the notes or the improvement, you just weren’t used to making noise during sex or masturbation since your parents were strict and were against it. Izuku happily got rid of the notes but saved a few on new positions and techniques that he could test out if yk what I mean.

Denki: baby has an ego so of course it was a bit damaged when he was giving his all during sex and you had barely managed to make a whine or whimper here and there. He thought he wasn’t enough which, even though he tried to hide it, began to show when his cheerful and flirty demeanor was reduced to a small and somewhat quiet one. When you had asked about it all he could say was he was only sleepy or had a lot on his mind. That was until one day when you caught him talking on the phone to Kirishima asking what to do and how he could improve. When he heard you sigh and felt you gently grab his phone and hang up he stiffened up and was worried he struck a cord and you were gonna just end it with him. However that wasnt the case as you explained that you didn’t have a lot of privacy growing up and finding more about yourself had to be done alone and safely so naturally you had taught yourself to be quiet and barely make a peep, but if he was so worried and insecure about it you would try your best to improve and make noise to which he instantly lit up and happily slung you over his shoulder and went to your shared bedroom to help you “practice”

Shinsou: Honestly, at first he tried to act like he didn’t mind it and didnt wanna bring it up either since it was a bit of an awkward conversation as a new couple. But now you guys were sleeping in the same bed and waking up next to one another so what was going on and why werent you making any noise during sex? Was it something up with you that you didn’t wanna talk about? We’re you to scared to tell him that he was doing something wrong or making you uncomfortable? So eventually he had asked you about it while you two were making out and about to have at it. He asked why you weren’t really making much noise during sex and if it was something you didn’t wanna talk about or if it was him in general. To which you only smiled and laid a gentle touch on his cheek, you finally told him that as he knew you had a lot of siblings and since your parents didn’t have much money to give you guys each a room, you had up to no privacy when it came to getting off-only being able to do it in the bathroom or when you were home alone which wasn’t often. He finally understood why you weren’t very vocal and allowed you to ease yourself into it, which much practice in bed of course ^^ Shoji: He truly thought you were second guessing your guys relationship (you two are literally living together though??). He thought it was his quirk that was disturbing you two so without him even knowing he began to not use his quirks advantages in sex as much and also only focused on pleasuring you and not himself. This usually led to him not cumming in most sessions until finally you stopped mid sex and asked him why he wasnt trying to focus on his needs aswell. He was worried at first and shyly responded that he thought you needed more pleasure since you hadn’t ever made much noise during this and that he didn’t care if it cost him his own pleasure. Least to say you melted and pulled him close, holding his head on your chest And petting his head. Gradually explaining why you never made much noise and it didn’t mean he wasn’t doing a good job or anything, you just had a habit of making Little to no noise when you got off. He felt sorta dumb after but with some reassurance, soon enough he allows you to make sure both of you were satisfied after each session from now on.

I hope you enjoyed this! It was really cool to write and test myself as a small writer! Be sure to request which characters you’d like in the next one aswell as if you have anything you’d like changed or any writing mistakes you see as this isn’t proofread ^^’. Have a rose! 🌹

#bakugou katsuki smut #bakugou x reader #todoroki smut #todoroki x reader #izuku smut #izuku x reader #denki smut #denki x reader #shinsou smut #shinsou x reader #shoji smut #shoji x reader #mha smut #bnha smut #bnha x reader #mha x reader #Rozu Writes 🌸

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haitaini · 3 years

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hanma handcuffed to the bedframe probably with a vibrator on his dick n you just leave him there so when you come back he's fucked out from overstimulation with pools of cum all over his upper body n thigh

oh god i love subby hanma so much yall dont understand..

warnings: subby hanma, femdom reader, overstimulation, subspace and aftercare. also degradation cause he lives for that shit keke

"since you dont know how to fucking act anymore, youre gonna stay here until im done with my work, understood shuji?" you mutter, frustrated from the constant bratty behavior hes been showing all day. he nods, watching you tie the ropes around his wrists together, a pretty bright red surrounding his arms and legs, a vibrator tied to his cock as well, although its not on yet.

the thought of whats going to happen to him giving him a strong adrenaline rush, excitement flooding his brain. he is going to be properly fucked out. the mental picture of it is making his cock twitch and that does not go unnoticed by you. furrowing your brows together and frowning, you slap his thigh, making sure the impact stings after a few seconds which makes him moan out. "whore.." you mutter and continue with what youre doing.

"okay, im gonna go continue with my work, ill be back in around an hour or so, got it? nod if you do," you let out, leaning against the door frame of your shared bedroom. he nods, wondering why the vibrator isnt buzzing yet, he even thought that maybe his dick is broken. "perfect, be good okay pretty boy? ill come back soon." you grin and walk out, leaving hanma staring in confusion. why the fuck isnt it working? did she start it yet? he would call you and ask, but you gagged him using his damp, filthy boxers so hes unable to.

however, his thoughts immediately get interrupted as he feels vibrations erupting to his cock, letting out a loud muffled moan at the stimulation. he was already turned on, pent up sexual frustration eating at him which resulted in him asking for your attention the entire time while youre trying to get your report ready for work, but he wouldnt have it. because of that, he feels himself nearing to an orgasm faster than he thought he would, cock twitching uncontrollably, letting out the most pitiful whines and moans as he cums all over himself, spurting out in four powerful spurts messing up his chest.

at this point he'd have a break to calm down before he continues with you, but that did not happen and the vibrator just kept on buzzing on his poor sensitive dick. shocks of pain shooting through his body as his oversensitive cock continues getting stimulated and he realizes, oh shit, im literally gonna get tortured in this hour or so. he has tears welling up in his eyes, wetting his lashes before he unconsciously starts bucking his hips, squirming all over the bed, cock begging for the buzzing to stop. but hanma feels like he's in heaven, the pain making his head go dumb, melting out of his ears as he tries to moan out your name before cumming once again, but this time in weaker spurts.

this continues for another thirty minutes. too weak to move any part of his body, or even moan and whine. hes completely fucked out, his eyes lidded and the prettiest blush decorating his face, sweat dripping down the side of his head. you enter the room, watching him pant, his chest moving up and down and the moment he spots you, he lets out the weakest whine youve ever heard him let out. you coo at the sight, basically drowning in his own cum making you grin before you reach for the remote and turn it off. "aww look at my pretty boy, you fucked out enough yet? did you get to cum the way you were begging to earlier? huh, you fucking bratty bitch?" you murmur, watching more tears slide down his face as he nods and lets out a weak "yes mommy" in reply. "good boy, still got your manners hm? how many times did you cum?" you ask, running your fingers through his sweaty hair, your heart melting at the sight of him so weak and vulnerable. "too dumb to remember angel? thats okay, im here now. lets get you cleaned up and fed, i got your favorite, baby!" you say smiling at his attempt in grinning as you hand him a glass or room temp water. "mkay, love you."

#♫ — han #♫ — asks #♫ — my loves #♫ — thirst #tokyo revengers smut #tokyorev smut #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyorev x reader #hanma #hanma shuji #hanma smut #hanma x reader

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Note

Could you write a headcanon (or something like that)... Corpse x NB reader?

I've been trying they/them pronouns and she/they pronouns and I want to read something like a non binary reader who is coming out as non binary and corpse, as a good 'boyfriend' supports and give love...

I can't talk to family and friends about it so I'm trying to find myself and find representation in other places... Idk hope you have a good week :)

Sure thing, darling! I'm so happy you are looking into what makes you happy and what pronouns you feel the most comfortable with! I hope you find someone you can talk to about this subject IRL, but I'm always here for you online! Sending a ton of love, support and appreciation and affection your way 💌😘

Here you go some headcanons! 😊

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Reader (Non-binary)

Warnings: None, just pure comfort fluff

Enjoy! ~ 💕

- You had been wondering what pronouns best suited you ever since you came across the concept

- You've been using certain pronouns all your life and never really felt fully comfortable with them

- They didn't bother you or anything, they were just never right and always felt out of place

- Experimenting with they/them pronouns has been the most true to yourself you've felt

- But along with that realization came the fear of how the people around you would react

- There wasn't a single doubt in your mind that your friends and boyfriend would support you but there was still this one annoying little fragment of doubt haunting you

- Your mind was flooded with 'what if's but never enough to cloud or shadow your happiness which came as a result of finally truly finding yourself

- The first person you wanted to come out to was the person who’s been your biggest support since you two met: your boyfriend Corpse

- Never had you been so sweaty and shaky on the drive to his apartment

- Once again, you knew he’d be nothing but supportive and loving but we humans just have a way of always discouraging ourselves

- Needless to say, you had him quite scared and confused when you showed up at his doorstep a trembling mess with a panicked fake smile plastered on your face

- Alarms started going off in his head immediately, bombarding you with tons and tons of questions on why you looked so worrisome

- “I-I need to tell you something...something really important”

- Well that had the complete opposite effect of what you had hoped

- It made him twice as nervous as his mind started racing with all the possibilities, scenarios and conversation patterns that could go down right then and there as you two sat down in the living room

- Despite his own panic, he gave you all the time you needed to collect and prepare yourself to start off with what you wanted to say

- “So, um, I....I’ve been struggling to find myself lately....I’ve been looking for what really suits me and...and I think I’ve finally found it. I-I mean I’m not completely sure but.....”

- “Hey, hey, slow down. I’m right here, it’s all ok, take your time. It’s just you and me and we’ve got all the time in the world. Don’t rush yourself.“ He took your hands in his, “Go on when you feel ready.“

- You felt genuinely touched by his words and his patience

- You knew that he’s willing to give you anything you want or need just to keep you happy

- And that’s what led you to stop beating around the bush

- “Corpse...I’m non-binary. I now use they and them pronouns. But don’t let that ch-”

- You weren’t given a chance to finish

- Within the blink of an eye, his hands had let go of yours and his arms had wrapped around you, enveloping you in a tight loving embrace

- “I’m happy you’ve found yourself, Y/N. I’m so glad you are becoming more comfortable with yourself.”

- Hearing that brought you to the verge of tears

- Biting your lip you tightened your own hold on him

- “Thank you for being the best boyfriend ever”

- “No...” he pulled away slightly so he’d be able to look you in the eyes, “Thank you for being the best partner ever, Y/N.”

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purplespaceace · 3 years

Text

there are a lot of things to address when it comes to writing depression. the two things that I think bother me the most is the romanticisation of depression and the fact that I have yet to come across any girl characters with depression (I listened to dear evan hansen and went, “there are two people with depression/suicidal tendencies. logically, one of them should be a woman” but both of them are boys). so, how do you write depression?

first, you have to accept that it’s not going to be pretty. depression sucks. your character won’t want to shower, brush their teeth or their hair, put on deodorant, or do any other hygienic things you can think of. your character will be smelly, their room will be dirty, they won’t care enough to eat, they’ll have bags under their eyes from lack of sleep. again, depression isn’t pretty.

to be honest, I don’t really have a good way to organize this post, so it will mostly just be a list of symptom and tips, as well as a few things to avoid.

symptom time! people with depression will:

not clean themselves, whether that means brushing their teeth, taking a shower, or something else

not take care of themselves. they won’t eat a lot, which might make them unhealthily skinny, although sometimes we eat a ton out of boredom, or I’m just so tired I need some snack food. we either sleep too much or too little. we won’t change our clothes. we dont drink a ton of water.

we have something in common with people with adhd: executive dysfunction! (aka the suckiest thing) executive dysfunction means we will want to do something or know we should do something, but won’t be able to for hours. this leads to people calling us lazy, which leads to our next thing.

we have horrible self-esteem. your character does not think that they are worth much, if anything. they start every sentence with “I might be wrong” because they have been wrong, a lot, and they believe by default that they are more likely to be wrong than right. this can also lead to or is the result of anxiety, whether high-functioning or not.

we aren’t just sad all the time. for one thing, you might not notice because we’re used to keeping a happy face. for another, sometimes we’re just stuck with incredible apathy. and we can be happy sometimes.

we also shouldn’t cry constantly. in the earlier stages of depression—the first, I dunno, month maybe, people can cry themselves to sleep every so often, but after that you get so used to it and so out of tears and ability to care you just don’t cry randomly anymore.

also, we’re tired aaaall the time. I’m exhausted from being in pain and convincing myself I have a right to exist constantly.

we've lost interest in the things we like. it takes a lot of effort for me to care about things when I’m having an episode.

sometimes I just wake up with a bad, “nothing is worth the pain” feeling in my stomach, which sucks.

some days will be worse then others. sometimes, your character can seem like they don’t even have depression. the next day, they can be a mess.

we can find it hard to pay attention because we just don’t care.

we have bad memories. I don’t remember why. but we won’t remember things that happened in a depressive episode very well.

we can spend whole days sitting on the couch watching television.

doing things should be a struggle! getting out of bed! making breakfast! doing things is difficult!

we think about death a lot. not just suicide.

some miscellaneous tips:

think about how your character‘s mindset is impacted by their depression. I check in on my friends, work to make my days meaningful, and try to make sure people feel safe to be themselves around me. someone else I know values life less because of her depression. what does your character learn? how does it impact them?

make sure their depression is visible. don't mention it once and then have it disappear.

what not to do:

don’t make your character‘s love interest or big epiphany cure their depression.

don‘t make your character’s friends or family complain about their depression or see it as a nuisance unless it’s there for a purpose.

end the ‘suffering artist’ trope. please.

personally, as someone with depression, I don’t want any more stories where we successfully commit suicide or we‘re right about ourselves being bad human beings. I love dear evan Hansen, but the fact that connor’s depression was right about him was something that made me question whether my depression was right about me. the kinds of stories about depression I want to see should be hopeful ones, that reinforce the idea that whatever your depression is trying to convince you of isn’t true. in the story I’m writing currently, my character, katie, tries to commit suicide, but her best friend saves her by convincing her that herself and love are worth fighting for.

self-harm scars aren’t cool or gritty or emo. they shouldn’t be looked upon with awe, but pity.

depressed characters should want to go to therapy. no one wants to be in pain all the time.

that said, we might have second thoughts about therapy because we don’t think we deserve it. we believe we should be in pain. however, we do not believe that therapy is useless or we don’t need it.

if you have any questions or see anything I’ve missed, let me know!

this post is randomly italicized/bolded for people with adhd.

#depression #mental illness #writing mental illness #writing depression #writing tips #writing resources #list #writing help

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hoforhaechan · 3 years

Text

A Warm Winters Night - Lucas ff

TW: mentions of anxiety and panic attacks

Lucas x female reader, SMUT, domlucas, sex toys, overstimulation, oral sex, protected sex, sex with other people in the house but not really exhibitionism

You smiled to yourself when you pulled up outside the large log cabin that your boyfriend had booked for everyone to stay in for a few nights to celebrate the new year. "You like it babe?" he said with a little smile. You nodded. He leaned in closer to you and you shivered when you felt his warm breath near your ear as he whispered into it "the rooms are pretty big too." You giggle and he pecks you on the lips before you go in and wait for the others to arrive.

You're not the best at remembering names so you make a mental note of everyone a few times. You've known Ten and Johnny for a while because Lucas used to take you on double dates with them but you were only vaguely familiar with the rest of the members. And you definitely didn't know their girlfriend's names.

There's Kun and his girlfriend Andrea (who prefers to be called Annie) , Ten and Johnny, Xiaojun and his girlfriend Paige, Hendery and his girlfriend Hannah, Yangyang and his girlfriend Elise, and Winwin and his boyfriend Yuta. You greet all of them and after having a few drinks and talking for a while you really start to like them. Or, well, most of them.

You've all decided to play a board game and Lucas and you are winning but you can tell that a certain someone is not happy with those results. Annie starts laughing and says, "This is boring let's do body shots" and she flips the board and all the pieces onto the floor. Lucas stands up and says "What the actual fuck Annie?" Kun and you try to calm down the situation but the two of them just start screaming at each other until Annie screams, "YOU USED TO BE FUN BEFORE YOU STARTED DATING THAT SLUT" and she gave you a death stare. You were about to clap back at her but you didn't have time before Lucas left the room and you heard the front door slam. "Shit. " you said, "You better hope he's right outside or I will hurt you." You glared at her. You walked out the room and Kun followed and said "I'm really sorry, she's not usually like this she's just had too much to drink." you gave him a small smile and took your coat off the rack. You then realised that Lucas's coat was still there. He was out in the snowy woods with just a jacket on. You grabbed his coat and stepped outside into the cold.

You couldn't see him anywhere so you walked into the forest and looked around for a while. The snow was quite thick and you were getting cold so you put Lucas's coat on. You shouted his name for a while and walked around but it had started to get dark and you looked at your watch and realized you'd been looking for almost an hour. Your anxiety started rising and you were struggling to breathe. You spotted a log that was under a tree so it had barely any snow on it. You sat down and tried to get ahold of yourself. You realized you were lost and didn't know how to get back and you started crying. It started as just silent tears but after a while it was loud sobbing and screaming. You heard footsteps and shouted Lucas's name. No response. You kept crying even louder until you heard leaves crunching around you and you felt a pair of arms around you. You flinched and shrieked not being able to see in the dark. "shh baby, it's just me." it was Lucas's voice. You immediately felt safe and you let him pull you up and carry you back to the cabin as you snuggled into his chest while the tears still streamed slowly down your face.

You reached the cabin and Lucas knocked on the door with his foot and shouted, "Can someone please come open the door for us, I have my hands full?!" You heard someone approaching the doorway and heard it open and heard a gasp and Johnny said, "Omg y/n! Lucas? Is she okay? What happened?" "She just had a bit of a shock, I'm just gonna take her to our room." Lucas placed you on your bed and lit the fireplace. "I'll be back in a minute babe I just need to let the others know that you're okay" he leaned in and kissed you. You closed your eyes and snuggled into the blankets.

Lucas walked down the stairs from the room. He was thinking about how terrified he had been when all he could hear was y/n screaming and not knowing where she was. He walked into the living room and sat down in his chair. "i apologize for storming out, I just got too riled up. Y/n is okay she just had a panic attack. She suffers from chronic anxiety so I really shouldn't have left like that. It was stupid. Andrea, im sorry that I yelled at you." Andrea looked worried and teary eyed. "Lucas I'm so sorry if I hadn't been so immature this wouldn't have happened." Lucas gave her a small smile, "it's ok." Kun sighed, "alrighty everyone I think its time for bed."

You had calmed down and were ready to go back and have some more fun. You were walking down the stairs when you heard Kun saying it was bedtime. You frown. An idea pops into your head. "What are you talking about Kun, the night has only just begun. I think we should play another game. Hmm, maybe truth or dare?" Annie smiled at you apologetically and you smiled back. A few drinks later and Hannah had been dared to lick sigar off Hendery's nipples and you were all laughing and having a good time. "OK ThAts EnOuGh i NeEd tO pUt mY sHirT bAcK on!" said Hendery through chittering teeth. You all laughed. "Ok Hannah your turn to dare" said Yanyang. "Okie dokie, let's see shall we," she looked around at everyone, "y/n I dare you to kiss Xiaojun. You heard everyone laugh, Paige and Xiaojun among them, so you knew they didn't object to the dare.

You looked at Lucas and you could already see the jealous look forming on his face and you smiled to yourself. Time to have some fun. "Ok" you agreed. You crawled towards Xiaojun and pecked his lips knowing that the audience wouldn't be satisfied with that. "Seriously y/n you call that a kiss" said Yuta. You shrugged. "Come on, kiss him properly, use a little bit of tongue, its not like it means anything" said Ten and everyone laughed. Everyone except Lucas who was looking at Ten like he wanted to kill him. You giggled to yourself and sat on xiaojuns thigh and leaned in for another kiss.

You kissed again *properly* this time until Lucas said "Ok time for the next dare." You sat back down next to him and he leaned down to whisper in your ear "You're in big trouble tonight babygirl" you felt yourself get turned on just by those words. You didn't pay much attention to the rest of the game, instead daydreaming about how lucas would punish you this time. You were so lost in your thoughts until you felt lucas pick you up and you noticed that everyone was heading to their rooms.

He carried you to your room and threw you roughly but carefully onto the bed and said. "Stay there. Don't move." From the tone of Lucas's voice you could tell he wasn't angry enough for you to get what you were daydreaming about. You wanted him to tease you til you were crying and begging him to give you what you want and to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to walk. But right now all you were gonna get was a few spanks and sex a little rougher than usual. Luckily you knew how to rile him up. You had to disobey him. You started stripping off your clothes and then positioned yourself on the bed with your legs open wide and you started rubbing your clit through the thin lace of your panties. You looked up at Lucas as he walked in and you bit your lip and moaned his name. He smirked but you could tell he was furious, and now you've made it worse.

You don't think you've ever seen him this angry before. "Take off your clothes" he demanded. You took them off quickly not wanting to anger him any more. He looked at your naked body and smiled. "You okay with this babygirl? As much as I want to punish you I dont want to do anything you're not comfortable with?" You nodded. "Use your words babygirl." "I want you." Lucas smiled and then his caring side was gone.

He went over to his unpacked suitcase and pulled out a familiar black box. "Shit." you whispered to yourself, but Lucas heard and smirked. "You didn't think I would leave this at home did you. No. I know how much you love to make me mad so I knew I would need it." You were a little scared now, but excited, because you knew that everything in that box was there to rile you up and make you scream.

He first pulled out the handcuffs and cuffed your hands to the bedpost so that you were helpless. You could already feel yourself getting turned on. You loved it when Lucas was rough on you, when he showed you no mercy. You wondered if he would choose to overstimulate you and make you a crying moaning mess underneath him or if he would deny you your orgasm until you were begging and screaming.

You watched him pull a silver vibrator out of the box. He made no move to get himself undressed so you decided he had probably chosen to go with option 1, torturing you with overstimulation. He spread your legs apart and positioned his mouth near your entrance. He looked up at you through long lashes. The sight made you feel wrecked and you let out a small moan. You told him how sexy he looked but he wasn't happy with that response. "You're enjoying yourself a little too much for this to be a punishment babygirl." He didn't move before speaking and the vibrations from his words made you shiver.

He pulled away to fetch something else from the box. A fluffy black blindfold. You knew this was gonna be a long night. he put the blindfold over your eyes and now you were completely at his mercy. You couldn't see or touch so all you could do to try gain some clarity on what was happening was to listen. You heard Lucas move around for a while until you felt hot breath on your heat. You moaned quietly, worrying about the rest of the house hearing you. Lucas didn't like that so he slapped your thigh and growled "dont be quiet baby, let the whole house hear how good I make you feel. Let them know you belong to me." You moaned loudly as he licked a stripe up your pussy.

He licked and sucked at you while you squirmed underneath him, moaning uncontrollably. He held down your thighs to keep you still. But as he sucked on your clit a little too harshly you trapped his head between your thighs, crying out loudly, as you came on his face. Lucas was satisfied but took it as an opportunity to torture you more. "You little slut, you came on me without permission. You're making it hard for me to go easy on you." You moaned softly at the degradation. He entered two fingers into you without warning and you screamed out a moan. He was thrusting and curling his fingers in you, completely wrecking you.

He removed his fingers from you and put them in your mouth. You whined around them as you tasted yourself. You heard him switch on the vibrator and he held it against your clit as he ate you out again. "Lucas," you whined, "I'm gonna come." With his permission you came again and he continued to lick you till you were clean. "I don't think you've learned your lesson yet baby." He took off your blindfold and you moaned at the sight before you. Lucas's previously styled hair was messy and his eyes were dark with lust as he groaned at your facial expression. He was beautiful. He took off his shirt slowly and teasingly. You knew this trick. This was your least favorite punishment. To watch Lucas being turned on and watching him touch himself without being able to help, or to get any satisfaction of your own.

He knew how much it riled you up and he loved it. You already wanted to just hold him and run your fingers over his abs. But you couldn't. He unzipped his pants at an agonizingly slow pace and you whined. He smirked at you and pulled them down and took them off. He started palming himself through his boxers and you couldn't stand it. You wanted to be making him feel good. He finally pulled off his underwear and started stroking himself. You were crying and moaning and desperate. You wanted so badly to help him. You knew you could make him feel better. You knew because you had heard the way he moaned when it was your hand doing that to him, or your mouth. He would moan loudly and let out high pitched whines and cries.

"PLEASE," you sobbed, "please Lucas!" "What do you want baby" he groaned. "Let me help you, please. I can make it up to you. Let me help you." you begged him. He decided you had learned your lesson so he unlocked the handcuffs and you immediately wrapped your hands around his dick and started jerking him off. "fuck," he groaned, "so good."

You replaced your hands with your mouth and started sucking him off while using your hands to pump what didn't fit. "Babe," he warned, "I'm close" do you want it in your mouth or do you want me to fuck you?" You pulled off and looked at him. He let out a moan at the sight of your fucked out expression." "I want you" you said quietly. "You're gonna have to be more specific than that babygirl" you let out a whimper. "Want you inside" Lucas groaned and grabbed a condom from the box and ripped it open with his teeth. You smiled. You loved it when he did that. You whined at the expression on his face while he rolled the condom on.

He hovered over you and pecked you lightly on the lips. "I love you" you told him. "i love you baby" he responded. And at that he pushed into you and you both let out sinful noises as he filled you up. You could tell that neither of you were gonna last long as he thrusted into you. It didn't feel like a punishment anymore. It felt intimate. You could tell that Lucas was close, but you didn't worry, you knew he would make sure you came.

He started rubbing your clit as he thrusted and soon you reached your high and you threw your head back as you entered a state of ecstasy. When you had finally calmed down Lucas was finished and after a few seconds he pulled out. You lay still for a while. You got up and went to the bathroom quickly and when you got back Lucas had packed up the black box and was lying in bed with his arms open, waiting for cuddles. You smiled and happily obliged, climbing into bed and snuggling into his embrace.

The next morning you woke up with stiff muscles and aching legs. But you were happy. You pulled on some leggings and one of Lucas's hoodies. You gently shook him awake and kissed him. When you both entered the kitchen, it was occupied by Ten, Johnny and Yuta. They were all smirking and when you looked at Lucas in confusion he let out a soft chuckle and went to make you both drinks. "So y/n," said Johnny, "sounded like you slept well last night."

#nct x reader #nct smut #lucas wong #lucas smut #lucas x reader

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toricrypticice · 3 years

Text

The Golden Scarred

CHAPTER ONE (Losing it all)

`Hunter sighs as he leans back on his bed, his whole body aching slightly. He groans slightly, putting his hands over his face. Rascal tweets concerned landing on the male’s knee. Hunter sighs annoyed as he looks down at the bird removing his hands. He tweets again.

“No no he didn't ...this time” he sighs “but even if he did it’d only be because i messed up” This only caused the palisman to tweet angrily pecking his leg. “Ow hey! Belos is just doing his best okay?” The bird just stares at him. “What?! He is!” he rolls his eyes standing causing Rascal to flitter up “Whatever i don’t have time for this i should be figuring out how i can help heal his curse.” he sits at his desk taking out some paper and a book out. Rascal steals his pencil flying into the air. Hunter scoffs in annoyance. “Tsk- Palisman “ he shakes his head in annoyance.

Weeks later

Hunter pet the bird softly as he reads before there’s a knock at his door. He gasps and Rascal lets out a soft tweet. “Shhh” he warns quickly, putting his book over the Palisman to conceal it before he stands, opening the door for none other than kikimora. He frowns, leaning slightly to block the view of his desk.

“Golden Guard, Emperor Belos has requested your presence “ Kiki glares. Everyone knew the emperor never ‘requested’ anyone, if you didn't go well let's just say you wouldn't have to worry about any future meetings with the emperor. Hunter nods. He lifts his cape draping it on, before sliding his mask over his face, closing the door and heading to meet with his uncle. He can’t help but notice Kikimora lingering near his room. He narrows his eyes but continues, turning the corner. Why was she staying at his room? This puzzled him slightly but he shook it off, probably just jealous that the Emperor wanted to see him instead of her. I mean, come on he was WAY more useful. But this was weird, he didn’t currently have any missions to go over with the ruler. Maybe he was getting a new assignment? Yeah... He takes a deep breath before knocking on the huge wooden door.

“Come in”

The Emperor's voice booms and Hunter can feel his heart start to race lightly. He bites his lip as he pushes the door open, kneeling in front of the steps to his Uncle’s throne. The room felt cold.

“You wanted to see me Emperor Belos” Hunter looks up at his uncle. His uncle was leaning on his hand breathing a bit heavily as his piercing blue eyes stared down at Hunter.

“Hunter.” He starts his voice low sending chills “Have you had any luck finding more Palisman like I asked?” The menacing male's fingers tapped on the arm of his throne a bit too quickly, almost impatient. Hunter can feel the tension in the air and he gulps but stands to answer as usual.

“No sir I have not but I am working to-” Hunter is interrupted by a loud growl causing him to stop short in terror. Emperor Belos morfs slightly, a sharp spike flying towards the other male. Hunter flinches but it was too late. He gasps loudly as the abomination goo slices through his mask, carving a bit deeply near his left eye. He lets a light hiss of pain which he knew would only anger the emperor further. He resists the urge to hold his face as he feels the warm blood drip down under his chipped mask, his eye already having issues staying open. He clenches his teeth, feeling pain seer his face as his heart pounds quickly.

“DON'T LIE TO ME!” Belos roars standing. Hunter gulps, putting his head down flinching back as he bows again. Not knowing what to say. Dont lie? But that means..! There was the sound of Belos snapping his fingers before the door opened, someone entering. There is a light sound of quick short steps.

Kikimora.

Hunter knew the sound all too well. He raises his head slightly, his eyes widening at the sight.

Smug Kikimora holding a Palisman.

A Small Red Bird.

His Palisman.

Rascal.

She hands the staff to the emperor. Hunter can feel his blood run cold as Belos tightly grips it, continuing to keep his scalding glare on Hunter. Kikimora's smirk showed slightly under her shirt as she leaves without another word bowing to the emperor. As soon as the door closes Hunter can hear his heart thumping loudly or maybe that was just the titans. He gulps slightly. He knew it was forbidden. Wild Magic and now he had been caught. But worse.. Rascal had been caught. But maybe it was for the best he was only here to serve the titans will after all.

“You Disappoint me so much Hunter and after everything I've done for you. After everything the titan has done for you.” His voice booms as he looms over the young male, his grip on the Palisman tightening. As Rascal lets out a pained noise Hunter stands instinctively.

“Don't-!” Hunter shouts, reaching his hand out, his words stopping short as he realizes his mistake, his hand dropping quickly. He grits his teeth as he watches Belos carefully place the staff down looking back down at the male. Hunter seemed to shrink back feeling shaky and a bit dizzy, “I-I'm sorry I-I didn’t-” Before Hunter can explain himself Belos dissolves into the floor reappearing next to him. His eyes widen as he flinches back when Belos ambushes him. He moves to avoid the hit, putting his hand up as some sort of feeble defense; this results in the emperor's strike piercing his ribs instead of his intended spot. Hunter chokes out a strangled yelp of pain. He holds his side in grief as blood starts pooling out, staining his shirt already. He stares in shock at his uncle as he quickly moves back.

Sure Belos hit him before, hurt him. But this was-

He..

Belos growls again, advancing towards the male.

At this Rascal flies forward flashing a fire spell into the emperor's face. He growls enraged as he steps back shielding himself from the blast. Hunter reaches forward grabbing onto the staff quickly. Using the staff to teleport further back from the Emperor. “Please Uncle.” His voice was desperate. He coughs using his free hand to grip his side to stop the bleeding gritting his teeth to keep from wincing.

“You shall regret siding against the titan!” He morphs worse, shooting forward fast. Hunter gasps moving both hands onto the staff shakily moving back and creating a shield just before Belos could land a hit. He gasps the shield faltering slightly as his vision blurs.

“I AM DONE WITH THIS!” The Emperor's voice came out garbled and wrong. Hunter's shield suddenly dropped no matter how hard he tried to bring it back and his eyes widened as Belos smirks. A spike hit into his left shoulder launching him back, his body slamming forcefully against the window.

“Agh” Hunter’s head spun as his vision blurred again. He closes his eyes for a moment hearing a slight crack. He quickly opens his eyes again, his vision focusing enough to see the Emperor launching a bright light towards him with his staff. Hunter screams loudly before slamming his fist down on the glass so he would fall through before it hits him. The window falls through almost exactly at the bright light explodes, launching him further back from the tower. His grip on Rascal loosens as he feels dizzy and tired, his vision blurring again as the ground approaches quickly. He can feel sleep start to take him as his vision goes dark.

Rascal takes action quickly supporting the males body, flying upwards and fleeing the castle. The Palisman lands when they are a good while away hidden in the woods. He flies up and pecks at Hunter’s face gently trying to wake him. It was urgent that Hunter took care of his wounds and to took shelter. By the look of the clouds it'd be raining soon. Hunter groaned painfully, struggling but forcing his eyes open. He felt sick to his stomach and his whole body was hurting badly. He let out a breath gripping his side as he sat up a whimper leaving him. He starts to shakily stand having to use his staff for support his head swimming. He moves his free hand from clenching his side to covering his mouth as he gags from the amount of pain he was under. He starts to limp looking for shelter for the night. The sky cracks overhead brightly before booming loudly. He cowered slightly, his ears were still ringing from the explosion. Hunter sniffs softly as he walks, tears starting to drop down his face stinging his eyes and burning the left side of his face.

“For titans sake” Hunter mumbles, agitated by this sudden emotion. He wasn’t supposed to be crying, he was the golden guard, he was to remain strong and yet he still couldn't believe everything that just happened.

Did he-

betray Belos?

He feels more tears start to well and he shakes his head he couldn’t think about that right now he needed to focus. Rascal chirps and Hunter couldn’t help but smile.

“At least you're safe “ He stops by the river, ripping his cape off, peeling his top letting out a slight hiss before coughing into his gloved hand.

“Ugh dammit!” He growls, ripping the sleeves off his shirt once it was off. Rascal flitted around him tweeting with concern. “Shush bird” he grunts, dipping one of the sleeves into the water before he dabs his abdomen where the deep hole was. He lets out a gasp, followed by a sputtered howl of pain a few more tears falling. He shakes his head, instead he would just stop the bleeding yeah yeah that should be fine, he'll be okay. He stretches the dry sleeve before grabbing a nearby stick putting it between his teeth. Rascal lands by his feet chittering confused. Hunter wraps the cloth around his waist taking a deep shaky breath before suddenly securing it tightly over the gash. He lets out a strangled yowl, his teeth clenching down on the wood splitting it as he hunches forward tying it tight before he staggers slightly using his staff for support as he holds his side spitting out wood chips. He gags coughing again, this time when he pulls his hand away from his mouth it is coated in crimson.

“Fuck that’s not good” he mutters seeing black spots in his vision he shakes his head ignoring it. He slowly kneels by the river groaning slightly as he does so. He slowly shakily takes his mask off frowning at his reflection. Jeez he looked like hell. His hair was a mess, his whole left side of his face was sticky with blood. He winces at the slight dropping the mask, his hand immediately going to where Belos had stabbed. His face felt hot and throbbed instantly, stinging at the sensation. He pulls his hand away, wincing feeling tears build again. He was useless. He outlived his usefulness to Belos. He had no one.

A loud Hiccup erupted from his throat startling him, he flinches when a droplet of water from above touches his leg. Ah boiling rain of course. He dips his hands into the water below splashing his face wiping it with the wet sleeve wincing with a hiss. He puts on what was left of his shirt before wrapping his cape back around him, slipping his mask back over his face . He wobbles slightly letting out a slight hiss. His body was aching everywhere, every move he made agony, he just wanted to rest. “Come bird we need to find shelter. “

Rascal tweets landing on his shoulder as he starts to limp searching, if only he knew the area his vision was becoming a bit fuzzy. He pants slightly leaning on a tree. “Just give- *huff* me a m-moment” He coughs roughly. The sky crashed above again any second the boiling rain would come down he needed-

He sees a nearby cave. YES. he breaks into a run just as the water starts to pool down he huffs sputtering once he reaches the cave coughing harshly as he falls to his knees. Rascal tweets softly and hunter lays on the cold cave ground “I know just i need a moment to rest” he confessed his eyes feeling heavy “Im sorry” his voice was shaky as he felt his vision go blurry falling asleep.

Hunter woke up after sleeping through almost all of the next day. He groans gasping as he sits up seeing he was in a dark cave. His head felt fuzzy but slowly he pieces together what happened. He frowns. “Right” He shakes his head standing carefully. Rascal twitters at this. “No no I'm not going back… not just yet i need- i need to prove my worth again” rascal seemed upset by this response. “Come on, I need to go into town and get some actual bandages.” He grabs his staff heading into Bonesborrow. He keeps his head down as he walks, feeling his heart racing badly. He shakes his head. He needed to calm down so he wouldn't be caught. No one could- he stops seeing a new coven poster. His shoulders start shaking

Wanted for treason against the emperor.

Reward one million snails.

Wanted Alive

The Golden Guard.

A picture of Hunter

His eyes widen and he feels like he can't catch his breath. He quickly rips the poster down looking around to make sure no one saw, he spots a booth with half off merchandise. He wanders over deciding to just focus his attention on something else for now. He picks up a half off basket seeing a black cloak, he puts it in the basket. He then sees some cloth bandages, he puts those in the basket as well seeing a few more customers start to also notice the sale he waits until he notices the stand owner distracted before he breaks off into a run from the stand.

After a few minutes of running he hears the shout of ‘thief!’ he had been expecting, he turns a corner hiding against the wall, he takes his cloak off putting the new black one on slipping the hood up. He stashes his old cloak in the basket panting, already feeling exhausted for the day. His body aches but he ignores the feeling heading back to his cave he almost nearly collapses when he gets back. Rascal tweets sadly

“i know! but i had no choice i don't have anything” he snaps angrily taking the gauze out with a frown. He slowly takes his shirt off feeling his hand shakes “i can do this..” he felt shakier than yesterday. He unties the shirtsleeve he had used as a makeshift bandage he lets out a loud whimper as he peels it from his body. It was soaked in blood. He gulps feeling tears build as he holds back a gag as the slight of the gash which oozed and bled when he removed the clothe. He gulps clenching his teeth as he tightly starts to wrap his torso whimpering “ahh titan” he sniffs hacking loudly as he ties it off before he gasps in pain “fuck t-that was worse than yesterday..” he mumbles holding his now bandaged wound. He lays down feeling dizzy from the exertion. Rascal tweets and Hunter shakes his head. “No i’ll take care of the rest later.” he mutters feeling tired but his eyes open slowly when his stomach growls loudly. When was the last time he had eaten? He couldn't remember. Rascal twitters again which causes Hunter to get agitated and a bit overwhelmed.

“I know that! I don't have food! I don't have proper shelter! I have nothing!!” he yells as he sits up feeling so alone he shakes his head as Rascal flinches back. He frowns, feeling his stomach turn and he stands “just-.. stay here i’ll go find food.” he mutters shakily leaving the cave. He sighs, he should have grabbed food in town then he wouldn’t have to go looking, what would he even find in the woods. Probably death. Plus he wished he hadn’t yelled at Rascal. He was just worried. Hunter frowns before he hears a snap of a twig. He gasps quickly diving into a nearby bush letting out slight hiss of pain before he peers out.

Luz the human walking with a plate, a plate of… sandwiches. Oh god. Food!! His stomach growls loudly again and he blushes darkly backing further into the bush.

“Did you hear something Hooty?” Hunter watches as the human walks over to where a blanket was set up, a strange worm owl looking creature waiting for her. Hunter sticks out his tongue. What the heck is that? Hooty only hoots happily.

“Luz you forgot the tea, don't worry I’ll get it! Hooty to the rescue!” he chants as he zooms away to which Luz gasps, putting the plate down and running after the demon.

“No Hooty!! You know what happened last time.” Hunter's eyes widened. Unguarded food. He doesn't even think as his legs pull him forward, he sprints over picking up one of the sandwiches he pushes his mask up eating hungrily scarfing it come grabbing another sandwich as he chews he stares at the plate tempted to take the last sandwich as well but he shakes his head running back away as he hears voices. Shit shit shit, he dives again into the nearby bush feeling his side flare with pain. He clenches his teeth staying completely still holding the sandwiches close to his chest as he pants quickly staring back at the blanket as the two return., “That’s weird I made three sandwiches? One for you, me and King.” She looked around the area and hunter ducks deeper feeling branches dig into him uncomfortably, but it was worth it for the sandwiches. He lets out a light sigh of relief as the human sits down before he slips from the bush running off unaware that Luz in all her confusion had spotted the male running off. Hunter runs back to the cave panting heavily before breaking out into a light laugh, Rascal looking at him confused

. “Ha I risked my life for sandwiches'” his laughing slowly started to turn to slight hiccups “how far I've fallen” he sniffs sliding down the cave wall. He pulls off a small piece off the sandwich as he sniffs crumbling a few pieces on the ground for rascal. Rascal chirps concerned flittering to his knee. “No just eat, I'm fine” he wipes his face, he couldn't afford to be weak. He takes one bite before putting the rest in his bag for later he didn't know when he would get food again

#toh #hunter #hunter toh #the owl house #the golden guard #the golden scarred #useless #hooty #owl house #luz nuceda #eda

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