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showrunnerihardlyknowher · 2 years

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Humans? Up MY Beanstalk? It's More Likely Than You Think!

Part 2: They're Not Handcuffs, They're Friendship Bracelets, Now Put Them On

Nevermind the fact this took me almost a full year to update the second part, or that that I'm posting this technically on my birthday when it's a (belated) birthday gift for @hiddendreamer67. Just appreciate a little bit of fluff and a nice giant for once, okay.

Part 1 // AO3 Link

7.3K words

Jaece was not an optimistic man. He wouldn’t go as far as to say he was a miserable pessimist, regardless of what others might argue, moreso that he was realistic on certain matters. For example, he did not hold out much hope that his journey to the Northern Isles would go smoothly. He was under no such impression that talks between the reigning fae and himself, the unfortunately appointed representative of the Loecians, would end with a treaty drawn up post haste. No, he was fully prepared for the push and pull the people around him would try to exert, wanting Jaece to bend to their whims and either agree fully to their ridiculous terms or scamper off back to his homeland with his tail between his legs.

He was not, however, expecting himself to be arrested and imprisoned for an incredulous claim of ill manners. They hadn’t even given him the chance to defend himself, nor did they give an adequate explanation of what exactly his wrongdoings were! Perhaps Jaece breathed too frequently for their liking as it was no sooner did they decree him a criminal that he was locked away in the most harsh punishment of isolation. No telling for how long, no solid reasoning as for why. Truly, he had expected an asinine outcome to this flimsy attempt at negotiations, but not one of this caliber. Then again, should he really be surprised? The whole point of this ill fated trip was to reach an understanding of equal and fair treatment between Loecians and the magically inclined, mostly on the fae’s part.

It was difficult to tell just how long he was imprisoned, especially since he was blindfolded to further restrict his ability to tell time. A minor torture method to drive him just a little more mad when the hours blended together into days and weeks. At best, Jaece was under the impression they so graciously fed him three times a day, meaning every third meal was potentially another full day wasted on being a prisoner. He couldn’t help but wonder if all criminals locked in isolation were victims of petty infractions or if he was a special case to be viewed as equally horrendous solely for his species. There was no sense pretending there was any other reason for his cruel treatment if not for his reptilian lineage, especially with the derogatory remarks spat at him by the guards.

“Bet you feel like you’re feasting like a king,” one had jeered before sending another squirming rodent through the meal slot for Jaece to blindly hunt. “A pest for a pest. Might as well work for your free food, lizard.”

Bold words from a man who knew Jaece could snap off his fingers with the same teeth that dug into the unlucky rat’s flesh. As grateful as he was that he had yet to be on the receiving end of any corporal punishment (though who knew how long such a mercy would last), the Loecian had an inkling it was because he still had the ability to gnash his fangs and flex his claws. Not that he wanted to, of course, for that would only further perpetuate the stereotype that he and his kind were uncivilized. They were baiting him to resort to feral survival by feeding him live meals that he had to chase around with his limited mobility, coupled by dulling his sense of sight and muddying the passage of time. For what? Amusement? A more solid reason to torture and execute?

Well, Jaece wasn’t optimistic. And he wasn’t hopeful that his situation was going to resolve without a hitch. But by the gods he was a stubborn bastard.

If these magic users thought they were going to wear him down by having to consume bloody meat while tethered to the floor, they were mistaken. Much like during the short lived verbal negotiations, he was not going to contort to their whims so easily. Showing his belly and begging for leniency would only further encourage the fae to trample over his and lesser kinds as inferior. It was a battle of wills and pride. One day, one month, one year, it didn’t matter. Jaece refused to give any of them the satisfaction of watching his mental downfall in real time. Some moments, he debated if he should add insult to injury by goading the guards with polite manners and thanking them so very much for the meals. He decided against it, though. The Loecian was petty, not passive aggressive.

He felt like he had a fairly good streak of compliance going for him recently. The guards hadn’t been insulting him nearly as much, opting to silently shove his daily rodents into his cell without a word of complaint. Maybe they were growing bored with Jaece’s lack of reaction to their jabs about him, and his kind, and his sullied attire, and his homeland, and his initial mission, and his mother. Perhaps they had better things to do to occupy their time now than to verbally abuse a lizard, a new prisoner to keep them entertained. Fine by him. While many might find prolonged bouts of silence maddening in their own ways, Jaece had learned how to find peace in being alone with his thoughts. Better than hearing those awful, grating voices of the guards.

So when his newest meal cried to not be eaten, Jaece knew the streak of malicious compliance was up. This had to be a new tactic of psychological torture, either done by the fae with their magic or a result of his own mind hallucinating auditorially to make up for its lack of visual stimuli. Rats don’t talk. Rats don’t yell and beg with perfect pronunciation. Then again, that was under the assumption this was a rat to begin with, but it made little difference. There wasn’t any rodent or pest to Jaece’s knowledge that possessed such sentience that it could be labeled a free thinking person. He was inclined to believe this was the work of magical enchantment rather than the exclusive discovery of a new, miniature species.

Yes, that was it. Another torture tactic after he refused to submit to primal instinct by simply eating plain rodents. Now it was another test of strength, to see how long he could hold out his own hunger in favor of empathy. Would he succumb to starvation if only to let the weaker survive, or would he choose to save himself as they were both doomed to imprisonment regardless?

Shock and empathy were winning that internal struggle as of now. Mostly shock. It’s not every day you expect your dinner to talk back to you. Curious that the little thing didn’t bother to speak up before Jaece had lunged around like an idiot for it. He wondered about the texture he felt in his mouth a moment prior. It didn’t feel like fur or skin and it lacked the distinct taste of warm blood, so he was fairly certain he hadn’t skinned it half to death by accident. Of course, he hadn’t the faintest idea of what this tiny being even was, its taste and texture and smell completely foreign to him. It could very well be convulsion in agony on the stone floor in front of him as a result of detaching…whatever that layer of material was.

Hopefully not. But if it did die, well, at least he’d feel a little less awful about consuming it for sustenance for the evening.

“You can talk,” he muttered again, namely to himself. A sick thought made his stomach roll – had all his previous prey been gifted sentience like this? Surely not as none of them had called out to him before beyond the usual squeaks and squeals any rodent makes, not to mention he could confidently tell the difference between a filthy rat and whatever this thing was. Still, he wouldn’t put it past the fae to be secretly feeding him free thinking beings.

The little one collapsed somewhere near his right and the lack of shuffling against the stone indicated it made no move to put any more distance between them. Whether that was because it didn’t feel the need or because it physically couldn’t, Jaece didn’t know. More than likely the latter. His curiosity was overwhelming him with each passing second, the reality of the situation sinking deeper while he struggled to understand. First thing first, he needed to figure out just what in the world this mystery creature was and what its origins were. Did it have a name? A family? Was it in the same boat as he was by being unjustly imprisoned? Was it even a person to begin with, or just a creature that could mimic language?

Jaece shifted himself in the direction of where he last heard his former prey. He lowered himself further on the floor in an attempt to be somewhat on its level, though he was unsure of its full size. It couldn’t be too big if he was able to grab it in his mouth, however it was probably lying prone against the stone, making its height even smaller. The air that was most clouded with its strange scent had not turned sour to imply it was deceased, so this was going splendid so far. As much as the Loecian would have loved to get closer, to check its vitals, to even see what physical attributes it had, the chains binding his wrists prevented him from hovering too closely. It was tempting to pull and wriggle against the clanking metal to see if it might finally give away, but he knew better than to waste his energy on fruitless struggles by this point.

The noise of metal scuffing along stone and jingling against each other must have alerted the little one to his moving presence. It had little to worry about seeing as Jaece was at his limit for how close he could get while the prey could still scamper off. Strangely enough, while it choked out a startled yelp, it made no move to escape from its place on the floor.

“S-stay back,” it pleaded, its voice hoarse. “Please, please, d-don’t…!”

The Loecian could only lift his hands two feet off the floor due to the chain, but he hoped his effort to hold out his hands in a placating gesture got the message across. Provided the prey wasn’t blinded like he was. “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. I…I had no idea you could talk.” Jaece lowered his hands again to create a bit more slack in the chain and allow him a few extra inches to crawl forward. “What are you…?”

“No!” There was the sound of scuffling, the little one distressed by Jaece either being too close for comfort or asking too personal of a question regarding its species. Possibly even both. Its movements were uncoordinated like a newborn foal trying to stand on gangly limbs, which, to be fair, might be exactly the kind of legs it had. It didn’t make very many footfalls before it cried out once more and tumbled into an ungraceful heap back on the ground.

There was a small whimper upon impact and it made Jaece’s tail twitch nervously. “What happened? Are you alright?” Damn this blindfold! So many questions could be answered if he just had the use of his own two eyes.

He wasn’t really sure if he expected a coherent answer, yet he found himself pleasantly surprised when the little one spoke in return. “M..my leg,” it said softly, embarrassed even. “I…” it’s little voice trailed off, deciding it wise not to alert the predator it was trapped with that it was severely incapacitated.

If Jaece were a feral creature, or even a cruel man, the poor thing would be ripe for the picking. Too late for that, however. What was left unsaid was more than enough for Jaece to put the pieces together of its injury, or at least the gist of it. A sprain, maybe a break, but at least not a compound fracture given the distinct lack of blood sweetening the air. An injury the result of being dropped from the Loecian’s mouth, no doubt.

Jaece grimaced in sympathy at having unintentionally harmed it. With the blindfold hiding the genuine worry in his eyes, it was hard to tell if the frown twisting his face still looked to be one of pity rather than brutality. “I’m sorry, here, let me–” He appeared to have forgotten he was still tethered by a laughably short chain to the floor despite having tried to pull against it minutes earlier. Foolishly, he tried to reach his hands in the direction of the injured creature again, and was met with the same result. He huffed in annoyance, though there was hardly much else he could do anyways. Even if he could reach the little one, he doubted he’d be able to hold it for very long before panic took over and caused him to drop it. Again.

“This is quite unfortunate,” Jaece said with a humorless laugh. “I believe I’ve run out of options just as soon as I had any.”

“Please, d-don’t eat me,” the creature begged for the umpteenth time. He could hear them sniffle and swallow hard, trying to keep their dwindling composure. “I’m sorry, please, I’ll d-do anything. I just…I just want t-to go home.”

Another wave of pity enveloped Jaece’s heart. The sentiment was much too relatable for his taste, not to mention it was confirmation he wasn’t the only unlucky soul to be the victim of cruel punishment at the hands of the magic users. They would do well to team up together, if not for the fact that Jaece was shackled to the floor. And blindfolded. And the creature had a bad leg. And was probably too short to reach anything significant to their escape. And was still of an unknown species.

Well, come to think of it, they both had what the other was lacking. The little one had free hands (and hopefully opposable thumbs) and eyes, while Jaece had functioning, albeit stiff, legs and a superior height. His legs might be a little wobbly as a result of being forced to kneel for so many hours a day, but they should be sufficient enough to get them from one point to another if they worked together.

Did Jaece have a fully thought out plan yet? No. In fact, while he might have schemed ways to escape in passing several times prior, none of it had ever come to fruition. Clearly, as he was still bound to the floor. But in those visions he was lacking the necessary tools that would make his jailbreak a lot easier to act upon, namely his sense of sight. Now that he had a pocket partner in crime, whose tiny hands should be able to reach the knot holding the blindfold secure to his head…

Jaece sighed and tried to adjust into a more comfortable position on the floor that didn’t make his back ache too much. “I assure you, the feeling is mutual.” Build up some trust before asking for a favor, a classic exchange tactic in any negotiation. “I’d offer to take you home myself as penance for scaring you, but I’m afraid that’s a bit out of my league currently.”

The creature was quiet again while it mulled over Jaece’s words and his lack of ripping its body to shreds. “You’re…y-you won’t try to eat me?”

“No, of course not!” He shook his head. “I never would have even attempted had I known you were an actual, er…person. Believe me, my appetite has been lost.”

Again, the pair fell into silence, which was not ideal if Jaece wanted to get both their hides out of this cell sooner rather than later. The conversation needed to keep flowing in order to build up a solid amount of trust on the little one’s end. Only then could they have a shred of hope escaping without losing their heads.

“I fear we may have gotten off on the wrong foot. My name is Jaece,” an incredibly stupid and risky move to offer up his name in a land of fae who would happily spin that into a verbal contract of sorts, but he was almost positive this tiny being was not of the same bloodline. If anything, it should be taken as an olive branch that the Loecian was willing to give up such personal information for no reason other than to be courteous. “May I ask yours?”

It seemed as if the creature held little regard for magic rules as well, or potentially didn’t know any better. “...Aiden.”

“Well, Aiden, as I’m sure you can see, we’re both in a bit of a bind.”

The little one gave a wary hum of agreement.

“But I think if we work together, there might be a way for both of us to get out of this wretched place and return home.”

The promise of being able to go back to the safety and comfort of its own abode must have peaked its interest somewhat. It wasn’t immediately chomping at the bit, pleading with Jaece to reveal whatever details of his rickety escape plan he had so they could hurry up and act on it, though there was yet another thoughtful silence. He understood the need to weigh its options, even if the overall verdict was that it was trapped between a rock and a hard place when it came to survival with the off chance the rock might be able to budge. Something had to be better than nothing, right?

“How…do I know you’re not lying?” The little one asked.

Jaece tilted his head. “Lying? About what, wanting to get out of this cell? I assure you I do not enjoy being a prisoner anymore than you being a meal for one.”

Some shuffling. Squirming. “But you are a p-prisoner. For what?”

“I wish I knew,” Certainly, it was a valid question to be asked. For all Aiden knew, he could be a blood thirsty genocidal beast hellbent on slaughtering the kingdom. Frankly that was already a common opinion of Loecian anyways, yet there couldn’t be any reason Aiden knew of these prejudices. “I was sent as a representative for my people to reach an understanding with the crown, you see. But I suppose they felt as though they already understood enough.” He pursed his lips. “Say, aren’t you technically a prisoner as well?”

It squawked at the accusation, which to Jaece was a sign that he had spoken the truth. Unlike the little one, he didn’t feel as if he had as much to worry about should his new cellmate turn out to be another villain of the story. What’s the worst it could do if it decided to betray him upon their escape, bite the tip of his tail? As if Jaece couldn’t bite back just as hard if it came down to it.

“I-it’s not like that!” Aiden tried to defend. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble, I swear! I just, I-I was only trying to–”

Jaece waved his hand as best he could with a small smile. “It’s alright, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. You don’t strike me as the nefarious sort, I must admit. Besides, the people here hardly have rhyme or reason for their judgements…”

Aiden gave a dejected sigh. “I tried to apologize. I swear I would have left if they had let me go.”

“They’re not a very forgiving species. Quite brutal, honestly, even if they pretend it's others who are the savages in need of punishment.”

“I don’t…I don’t think you’re a savage…”

The smile on Jaece’s face pulled a little higher, almost allowing his fangs to peek through. He didn’t know why, but it was…nice to hear a direct complement like that, especially after weeks and months of constant abuse hurled at him for the species he was born into. “Thank you. I like to think of myself as fairly civilized. You seem quite educated yourself, I might add.”

“...thanks.” More silence. Keep it rolling. Time was of the essence.

“Aiden, I’d hate to trouble you more than I already have, but I’m afraid I must ask you for a favor,” No sense beating around the bush for the sake of pleasantries. The little one wasn’t giving him the impression it felt comfortable lingering around him in this cell any longer than necessary. “Would it be possible for you to undo my blindfold if I lowered my head?”

Aiden squeaked at the question, taken aback by the bold request to come near him, much less within biting distance. It had very good reason to be wary of his teeth after experiencing the sharpness of them firsthand. “What? Why?”

“Well, it’s a bit difficult to see,” Jaece chuckled at the obvious. “I believe we could be a lot more constructive if I were to actually see the surroundings that I’m working with.”

Without waiting for Aiden’s confirmation, the Loecian fully pressed himself onto the floor as much as his curled body would allow. The stone was cold against his cheek and scales, making his shiver as the feeling traveled down his neck and spine. No matter how many nights of fitful sleep upon them, the freezing touch always made him unbearably uncomfortable. Not to mention the lack of heating and sunlight he’d been forced to deal with. Jaece turned his head away so that the knot was facing the general direction he assumed Aiden was still situated.

“I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but it would be greatly appreciated,” he said.

Aiden made no move to come closer or scoot further away. “If I h-help you…you, you promise you’ll help me?”

“Of course! It wouldn’t be fair to leave you behind after all this.”

“A-and you promise you won’t try to bite me…?”

Jaece chuckled again, his shoulders shaking against the stone floor. “Yes, Aiden. You have my word, you’re not on my menu any longer.”

It was another few moments before Jaece picked up on the faint sound of shuffling, coupled with a few stifled groans. Ah, right, its injured leg. It must be struggling to close the distance in order to be able to reach the knotted cloth, though it was trying. Jaece wasn’t sure if it was hobbling or literally dragging itself over. Hopefully nothing too strenuous, he already felt awful for having caused the sprain to begin with. Soon enough, little hands found their way into the twisted folds of the cloth, easily prying between the over- and underhanded knots that larger fingers would struggle to squeeze through. It took a bit of effort for the little one and its fraction of strength to pull free the longer ends, but eventually Jaece could feel the blindfold shift and loosen around his temples. For a second, he almost felt naked without the constant pressure forcing his eyes close as he had grown accustomed to. However, once the cloth slipped down the bridge of his nose before getting caught on his ears, he moved away from Aiden to shake the blindfold off himself.

It fell rather unceremoniously into his lap, yet Jaece felt a massive weight lift itself off his shoulder. Or eyes, rather. Thank the gods the cell was already dark and dreary or he may have gone blind from shock now that light was able to filter through his pupils. They contracted into thin slivers while still adjusting to the sensation of use after such a long period, his yellow scleras looking glassy as a result of his eyes watering. He tried to rub at them to clear the blurriness away, though it took several more blinks until his vision sharpened into focus. Blobs of bricks and stones became more defined with their cracks, the chain links appeared one by one from his wrists to the floor, and Aiden–

And Aiden.

He was expecting the little creature to be small, yes. It was biped like himself and most others, a mess of fiery red hair and wide green eyes. Its attire was not uncommon for a beggar around these parts and, based on its lack of (or concealed) physical attributes, Jaece would wager to say this was a male of its species. His species. Their species? He can get the details from Aiden momentarily. There was a lack of any extra bodily extremity that Jaece could determine; no wings, no horns, no tails or cloven feet. Not even his skin or eyes glowed a vibrant hue. To be blunt, Aiden was boring, and that in and of itself is what made him so fascinating to Jaece.

“What are you?” Jaece gasped, the question asked for the third or fourth time in their brief encounter. He couldn’t help it! He had never seen something so…plain before. Seeing something that wasn’t unique therefore made itself the most unique thing of all due to how out of place it was. Like finding a treasure chest in a cave of diamonds containing only a silk handkerchief. There must be something special about it if it were to be placed amongst universally valuable items.

Aiden, on the other hand, didn’t share the same excitement Jaece had about himself. Of course not, why would he? He knew what he was and would have no reason to jump for joy at the mere prospect of himself. Yet the Loecian had to wonder if the little one felt the same wonderment when Aiden compared himself to everyone around him, to those who could control magic or were blessed with animalistic traits. Was he also in awe? Did Jaece fascinate him? It didn’t look like it with how Aiden cowarded away from his wide eyed gaze, not too eager to spill the beans about his origins.

Jaece’s eyes continued to roam his trembling body, trying to soak in every tiny detail for something he may have missed. “Forgive me, that must have sounded quite rude. I just meant to say I don’t believe I’ve ever seen something as your kind before.”

“I…” Aiden wrung his hands together and looked at the floor nervously. Signs of debate, Jaece picked up. Debate for what, he wondered. About telling him of his species? Was it meant to be a secret? It must not be a very important secret as the creature decided Jaece could be privy to this vital information. “I’m…a h-human.”

A human. Jaece had heard of those. They lived down far, far below, though sometimes they found their way up into the lands they had no business in. The Loecian had never encountered one, and therefore had no opinion one way or another about humans as a whole. There was plenty of talk about them if the rare subject ever got brought up. They were vermin, they were cute, they were tasty. It all depended on who you asked. Evidently, Aiden had been determined to be vermin and nearly tasty, though Jaece thought he fit in the cute category the best. And also still maybe the vermin tab.

“Human…” Jaece repeated. Aiden squirmed under his eyes, ready to bolt as fast as his bum leg could carry him if he dared to make a move that might rescind his former promise to not be eaten. “How strange. I suppose that was the only crime needed to throw you in here with me, hm?”

Aiden wasn’t sure if Jaece was trying to jest or threaten, so he dropped the subject of species altogether to hopefully put the human back at ease. He couldn’t risk him getting the jitters and scurrying away before they came up with a concrete plan of escape. Granted, Aiden could probably find a way to escape through a crack in the wall or whenever a guard opened the cell door rather than just the meal slot. They could potentially use that to their advantage, but there was no guarantee right now that Aiden would ever come back to free Jaece. Not to mention if he was caught a second time…

Jaece pulled back a bit so he wasn’t crowding Aiden’s space too much, which the human liked if the subtle sigh of relief was anything to go by. Instead, the Loecian focused on examining his cell rather than his new tiny friend, eying up the corners and crevices, the making of the door and its openings, and the cuffs binding his wrists together. The chain was actually embedded to the floor, however it was the middle of the cuffs that had a large keyhole to lock the manacles. Alright, the bare bones of a plan was formulating in his mind. They could look for a key, however Jaece couldn’t even begin to pinpoint where the guards might keep the ones specifically for him. It could be one key that fits every pair of cuffs or it could be a hundred unique ones, all of which may or may not be strapped on a guard’s armor. Aiden would have to be the one to retrieve it.

No, this plan was already much too difficult for the both of them. Too many variables to make it all go horribly wrong, namely for Aiden’s sake. It wasn’t worth scrapping the idea entirely, but it could be moved to the backburner for now. Jaece had tried and failed many times to break the chain himself, so he knew there was no reason to think the human would be able to do anything in that regard. Perhaps they could figure out a way to undo the bolts that tethered him to the floor? Maybe, but his wrists would still be held together, even if he could freely move around. This could always be a two part plan. Perhaps it was in the second part that they figured out how to get the key together.

“Are you okay?” Aiden asked. Jaece flicked his attention back to the human who shrunk away at his interruption. He must have been too lost in thought, staring blankly at a door instead of scheming with the person who was going to have to do a considerable amount of legwork while Jaece was still immobile.

Two heads would be better than one, anyhow. “I apologize, simply plotting to myself. I’m trying to gauge what our best move would be. Preferably getting these cuffs off first, but…” His words and eyes wandered off when he looked between Aiden’s itty bitty hands that just undid the blindfold’s knot and the keyhole of his manacles. The human had already proven that his delicate fingers were one of the best tools they had in this cell, perhaps they should see if they produce another success.

“Aiden, how well versed are you in the art of lockpicking?”

Aiden furrowed his eyebrows. “Um…n-not very? I’m not sure, I can’t say I’ve ever really given it a try.”

Jaece was no good at it either, however he understood the gist of it being the wiggling of pins inside until they gave way. “Not to worry, this will merely be a learning experience for the both of us.”

The human wasn’t following Jaece’s train of thought, so he lifted his arms as best he could to show the keyhole.

“I believe you might be able to fit your hand in here,” The Loecian explained. “If you can feel around the inner workings and push all the pins up, it should unlock.”

None of this had yet to make any sense to Aiden. “Pins? Like for sewing? Aren’t they sharp?”

“No, they’re metal, they’re meant to be pushed with blunt keys so they shouldn’t hurt.”

“How many are there?”

Jaece shrugged. “I’m not sure, but we have a bit of time to find out.”

Actually, scratch that. Jaece’s ears perked up at a sound the human was completely unaware of, one that the Loecian was unfortunately very familiar with. Metal and leather stomping against stone, echoing down expansive halls, the rhythm interrupted by the chatter of staticky voices that grated on his eardrums. Guards. Two of them. Doing their rounds more than likely, with Jaece always being the last cell to check as his was located at the far end of this corridor. It was less to check if he was still alive and more to get their fill of harassment in. They’d notice immediately that his blindfold was removed which could very well earn him a harsher punishment. There’d be nowhere to hide Aiden away, too, who was supposed to be taken care of in his stomach by now.

This was going to end very badly for the both of them if they didn’t act fast. The good news was that the hall was quite long which gave them some time, but not a whole lot.

“Alright, change of plans,” Jaece said. “As it turns out, we have no time, and I’m going to need you to pick the lock immediately.”

“Wh-hey! H-hey, no!”

There genuinely wasn’t any time for Jaece to give the human a warning or apology, they were on a severe time crunch and he needed Aiden to move fast. That would be impractical to ask for as the poor thing could barely stand on his swollen ankle, so the Loecian took matters into his own hands to move him closer. Or, more accurately, took matters into his mouth as his hands being confined were the issue at stake. Aiden was still close enough from having to come near Jaece’s head to untie the blindfold, meaning it was no issue for him to lean back down and snatch the back of Aiden’s tunic between his teeth. He was mindful to keep his fangs tucked behind his lips. Partly so he didn’t accidentally scratch the human and partly because he didn’t want to trigger any further fear reaction.

Predictably, Aiden struggled once he was airborne, a sick sense of deja vu no doubt. The last time he had been dangling from Jaece’s mouth, he was almost dinner. The scream he tried to let out became tangled in his throat as he was lifted quickly into the air. Jaece’s movements, though he tried to be careful enough not to give the human whiplash, were quick and only a few seconds later was Aiden returned to solid ground. Now he was positioned between Jaece’s knees and his lowered wrists, squarely in front of the keyhole Jaece needed him to fiddle around with.

“I apologize for being so brash,” Jaece said. His fingers tapped anxiously against the floor while his tail whipped from side to side. “We don’t have much time, Aiden. I need you to figure out how to unlock the cuffs and I need you to do it fast.”

Humans had to be so, so difficult, didn’t they? Despite this being a literal life or death situation, Aiden was frozen in terror from his brief travel three feet off the ground. Three feet to Jaece maybe, probably several dozen for him. In any case, it was necessary and over in a matter of seconds, and true to his word Jaece did not cause him any harm associated with biting or mauling.

“Aiden,” Jaece said with a shake of his wrists to snap the human out of his fear. “Aiden, please, I need you to focus. The guards are coming.”

His little chest was rising and falling so fast. Tiny hands were trembling hard enough that Jaece had trouble keeping track of the movements. That wasn’t important right now, not when said hands needed to be picking the lock. The guards were getting closer, they only had another minute or two at best before this entire operation went to hell.

Jaece needed him to get back on track. “I know you’re scared. I apologize for scaring you, but things are going to be a lot scarier if the guards come in and see you.” He shook the chain again, the sharp rattle of metal finally pulling Aiden’s watery eyes back to the goal. “I promised I would find a way to get you home. You have to help me first. You can do it, I know you can.”

With a handful of heaving breaths, Aiden steadied his nerves enough to reach a hand into the lock mechanism with trepidation. With any luck, he shouldn’t lose a finger, though in Jaece’s opinion it was a worthy sacrifice as opposed to either of them losing their life should it come down to it. He was actually able to wriggle both hands in, almost halfway up his forearm. There were several clicks and pops while the human fiddled with whatever moveable parts he could find. He hadn’t found the correct combination of pins to push, but Jaece’s confidence and anxiety was building with each step the guards took closer.

“You’re doing great,” Jaece praised. Four cells down. “Use your head, that’s it. You’re one of the bravest little humans I know, that’s for certain.” Three cells down. Well, Aiden was the only human he knew.

“I-I think I feel something.” The human was struggling to press down something, the lock trying to click with each jerk of his hands. Two cells down.

Keys, right, how did keys work? “Try turning your arms to the side. No, like–yes! That’s it! Turn them to the left!”

One cell down.

It was difficult for such a small body to push the heavy metal mechanisms on his own, yet Aiden managed with the pained grunt. No sooner had one of the yammering guards swung open the cell door, ready to berate Jaece with a multitude of undeserving insults, did the iron that tethered him for months on end finally fall away from his bruised wrists. The scales were dulled and chipped from having rubbed against cold, iron manacles until they blistered the skin below. That was the least of his worries at the moment. Jaece couldn’t allow the guards a moment to react, either to call for help or attempt to fend him off.

Having already been crouching, it was easy for Jaece to lunge off his hind legs and throw himself onto the guard filling in the doorway. His unexpected weight knocked them both to the ground and while the guard instinctively put his arms up to try and catch himself during the fall, it meant that he left his entire body unprotected. Jaece sunk his teeth into the tender flesh of his exposed neck, an act he was more than used to committing when it came time to tear apart his meal of rats and vermin. Blood filled the Loecian’s mouth and the guard’s throat, his choked scream morphing into a gurgle when Jaece ripped flesh back with a shake of his mouth. The tendons snapped like string under his fangs and he spat the bitter mouthful of meat onto the floor.

The second guard swore in his native tongue, but it only served to be his final words as Jaece tackled him next. His claws tore across his grey face and jugular, slicing his eyes and nose as he spasmed in pain. Jaece couldn’t risk him screaming too loudly as that would most certainly alert more guards that something was amiss, and while he would love nothing more than to tear them apart one by one, he had to control himself and his stamina. These deaths were justified in the act of self defense. From here on out, Jaece would take care not to cause any more harm than strictly needed. Besides, he’d have Aiden with him. It wouldn’t be worth the risk of him getting killed just to settle a few scores with loudmouthed guards.

Much like he had done in ripping out the throat of the other guard, Jaece chose to use his claws to dig into the hollow of his neck rather than his teeth. As soon as his fingers penetrated the esophagus, he took hold of both sides of the gaping wound and pulled it apart further. The guard choked, spraying blood across Jaece’s face, but it hardly made a difference as his mouth was already drenched. It wasn’t long before that guard fell silent like his comrade, only a few drippings of blood making any noise. This plan was going splendidly so far, if Jaece did say so himself. Blindfold was off, chains were unlocked, guards were disposed of in the area. That took care of a great many problems he worried about immediately facing with Aiden in tow.

Oh, right! Aiden!

Jaece stood from his mini massacre and looked back in the room to find Aiden sitting exactly where he left him. Injured or not, the human didn’t have a very strong sense of self preservation, did he? He looked sick and downright terrified, the sheen of a cold sweat glistening on his pale face. Understandable, seeing as there was a pool of blood spilling past the doorway and running down Jaece’s face and arms in warm rivets.

Jaece gave Aiden a sheepish smile, the sight of his bloodied teeth almost causing the human to faint. “Ah, my apologies. I forgot you can’t exactly walk right now, though I’m not sure you’d be able to keep up if you could. I didn’t mean to give you the impression I was leaving you behind.” He stepped into the room towards Aiden, ignoring the trail of bloody footprints he was leaving behind on the stone floor. With an arm raised towards the human, Jaece crouched down, fully intending to pick him up as it was the simplest means of transportation. However, Aiden flung himself backwards to stay out of reach a second longer with a scream.

“N-no, no!” Aiden shook his head, tears running down his cheeks. “Don’t touch me!”

The Loecian looked at his soiled hand and frowned. Yes, he could see where the issue in this was, as he was in agreement that he would also not want to be trapped in a hand soaked with a stranger’s blood and viscera. Belatedly, he wiped his hand on his pants to smear away the damp splotches, which helped to some extent. It wasn’t the greatest of improvements, but it was going to have to make do until Jaece could find a place to wash off and freshen up his equally bloodied wardrobe.

“We don’t have much of a choice,” Jaece said with a frown. “That was an oversight on my part. If we can find a powder room I should be able to take care of most of this. We won’t want to attract suspicion, naturally.”

He held out his clean-ish hand again and Aiden stared at it in disbelief. Teary eyes looked back to Jaece’s face, the confusion for this mess of a situation losing the human’s one track mind yet again. Oh well, Aiden had done his part already, Jaece didn’t mind acting as both brains and brawn until they needed a pair of tiny hands.

“Come on, we can’t wait around for someone to find the guards.” The Loecian encouraged.

“Y…you,” Aiden hiccuped, eying the clawed hand that was ready to grab him itself if he didn’t get a move on. “You’re g-going to take m-me home, right?”

Jaece smiled and Aiden cringed. “Yes, Aiden. I promised you once and I’ll promise you a thousand more times if you’d like, but let’s focus on getting out of this place in one piece first.”

#g/t #macro/micro #giant/tiny #gianttiny #g/t ocs #oc jaece #oc aiden #g/t fluff #size difference #handheld #g/t writing #g/t angst #jack and the beanstalk rip off #these are no longer my characters #their fic is officially finished therefore i relinquish all ownership and rights of them solely to hiddendreamer to do as she wishes #my writing

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darklordofthesimp · 1 year

Note

I know birdy has her own opinions on the whole thing (reader insert or not she’s basically her own character now), and you certainly can’t force yourself to like someone- especially after they maim you- but some part of me knows I wouldn’t be able to hold onto the grudge for very long. Once I know he mistook me for an enemy, and that he genuinely is very sorry for it all and wants to help (much less seeing him cry over it or having nightmares about it) I wouldn’t be able to hate him. Not genuinely anyway, though I might try anyway since it feels worse to not have anyone to take your anger out on, to not have any satisfaction from it or the petty bouts of revenge would be salt in the wound. It feels so much more unfair when you can’t blame anyone, that anger and frustration- and now guilt for making someone not at fault feel terrible- can end up boomeranging back on you and you end up being miserable while making those around you miserable too.

Therefore. Once I realize hating him is actively making me more miserable if it has any effect at all, I’d 180 that shit. That’s right bitch, we’re gonna be best friends now, I’m gonna make friendship bracelet-handcuffs and we’re gonna work this out one way or another. Call that extreme exposure therapy 😎

It'll get to a point where she doesn't quite hate him, she's just wary of him. Everyone knows that it wasn't either of their faults but the one easiest to blame is the one that got off scott-free.

Eventually they work through their frustration together and it becomes about forming a tentative trust between them both where he shows her he would never hurt her.

Then friendship.

Then more.

AHAHAHAHHA you killed me with the friendship bracelets. "we will be friends whether you fucking like it or not bitch ass. BFFL."

#the dark lord speaks

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stupidbraingoesbrrrrr · 2 years

Text

My DC fic, which got deleted on Ao3.

Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

I’m going to see if I can do the tide pod challenge

Dildo @OhGodWHY

JASON, NO.

Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

Jason maybe.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

Todd, do not do this (Do it, do it, do it).

Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

Jason yes!

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

JASON TODD WAYNE NO.

Deadinside&outside @Schödingersbastard

JASON FUCK YES!

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

You do realise that trend was, like 2 years ago? Do something original, but in a controlled environment, A.k.a, don’t do it Jason.

Deadinside&outside @Schrödingersbastard

Good point, I will instead hit up @PHDClown for some toxin

Harlsey @PHDClown

I got some for ya!

Caffine @keyboardsmash

Didn't Jason Todd die, like, twenty years ago?

sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

These are handcuffs.

sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

I fucking love you

Deadinside&outside @Schödingersbastard

*accidentally does something well* Ah shit I’ve given them standards now.

Will kill dudes @Cassassain

I am 80% speed, 50% hero and 70% legend.

sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

That's 200%.

Will kill dudes @Cassassain

I'm twice the Huntress you'll ever be.

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

My Chocolate milk is bitter, what's wrong with this chocolate milk?

Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

Dark milk isn't chocolate milk. This is raw cow's milk. The bitterness of the chocolate brings out the sourness in the milk.

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

That's the worst part of both of those things!

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

Hey, do you know how long it takes until you start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?

Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

I’ll check.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Seventy-two hours.

Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

...How do you?

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

There's a vampire behind Bruce and he's making fun of me

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you?

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

Milk and sugar.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Oh, awesome. You're a lifesaver.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Wait, is this just milk and sugar?

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

That's what I said.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

I have a complicated relationship with sleep. By which I mean if I ever meet its god I can and will make them fear me so much they never come near me again.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

[ID: Image of Bruce’s newest car, park half on the curb, half on the road. Bruce very tiredly getting out of the driver’s seat and getting scolded by Alfred.]

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

you ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.."

Clark Kent @DailyPlanetMan

i saw you.

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because i was gonna show you a picture of Alfred the cat in a turkey costume

Slade @bladesfordays

I can't decide if I need 50 cups of coffee or a month's worth of sleep.

Dildo @OhGodWHY

How about a hug? :D

Slade @bladesfordays

…

Slade @bladesfordays

Fine.

Dildo @OhGodWHY

Hello? @BWayneOfficial , where on earth are you?

Bruce Wayne @BWayneOffical

I waved to a man because I thought he was waving at me. Apparently, he was waving to the guy behind me. So to get out of the awkward situation, I kept my hand up so a taxi pulled over and drove me to the port. I am now in Kazimierz, investigating a new case. I should be home by Thursday.

Dildo @OhGodWHY

Wait, wha-

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

Understandable, have a nice day.

*Five Gays*

Jaybitch (9 hours ago)

what tHE FUCK DID I JUST SAW

Timhoe

Jason it's 4am

Timhoe

it better be important

Jaybitch

stfu timmy I'm going through something

Jaybitch

is the mansion haunted???

Timhoe

what

Jaybitch

I was half asleep and then?? A big shadow was towering over me??

Jaybitch

and don't tell me it was a dream bc I heard the door closing

Devil spawn

It was father

Timhoe

oh yeah, he does that sometimes

Jaybitch

excuse me what

Jaybitch

why is the old bat watching me sleep???

Timhoe

he wasn't, it's winter

Jaybitch

and??

Timhoe

he probably wasn't able to sleep, so he was making sure we're all warm so we don't catch a cold

Devil spawn

He just left my room

Jaybitch

damn, the older he gets the crazier...

Dildo (5 hours ago)

what the heck

Dildo

so the winter fairy isn't real :c??

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.

Will kill dudes @Cassassain

Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

sToPiTgEtSoMeHeLp @stephthemeth

My will to live! I haven't seen this in 10 years!

Deadinside&outside @Schödingersbastard

I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Dildo @OhGodWHY

Mental stability, my old friend!

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

Guys, could you lighten up a little?

Dildo @OhGodWHY

QUICK! I need $10000 because I have ADHD and am bisexual!

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

When I was 7 I had a crush on a guy in my class & didn’t know how to deal w it so I wrote him a letter that just said “get out of my school”

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

We are now dating.

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

I had a dream last night that I was being chased by Freddy Kruger throught out my house, but when he ran by my dog he stopped to pet him, looked at me and went, “what? It’s not his nightmare. He’s a good boy.”

Running On Jellybeans @JonKent

and that’s why I’m not sure if taking NyQuil is a good idea.

Dildo @OhGodWHY

For anyone thinking, without a doubt that my father is Batman, no, he’s not.

CEO Wayne Enterprises @TimothyDrake

He cries during every Disney film and forgets where every bathroom is in the manor.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

For context, we have quite a few, over fifty if I remember correctly.

Harlsey @PHDClown

For anyone wondering, I’m not with the Joker anymore, I am in a loving relationship with @veganbiby and we’re getting married in three months.

Harlsey @PHDClown

AND! @BWayneOfficial is coming as my best man! :D

Daily Planet @DPOfficial

Congrats, but why Bruce Wayne? – Clark

Harlsey @PHDClown

Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?

Gay asf @homopromo

Holy Shit, Harley Quinn knows vines???!!

Harlsey @PHDClown

My wonderful gf is made of vines

Gay asf @homopromo

You bi?

Harlsey @PHDClown

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

As someone who has joined the Wayne’s in the most recent months, Bruce literally doesn’t know what’s happening, like, half of the time.

Duke of Puns @Imtiredok?

He thinks that the Joker is just a party city clown.

Barbara Gordon @BabsGordon

I mean, he’s not wrong

Batman(the real one) @BatManOffical

I have had to rescue him so many times

Slade @bladesfordays

I genuinely don’t know how he raised ten kids.

Slade @bladesfordays

But they are all gay and mentally ill, so I blame Bruce.

Slade @bladesfordays

My husband is the only reason I’m not dead yet.

Harlsey @PHDClown

You literally have accelerated healing.

Slade @bladesfordays

He is still the only reason I am not dead.

Slade @bladesfordays

Have you seen those thighs?

Harlsey @PHDClown

🥴 Good point.

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Okay, but I’ve been off Twitter for five days and I come back and found out that

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

a) SLADE WILSON the MERCENARY is married to one of Bruce Wayne’s kids.

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

b) Jason Todd is being impersonated

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

c) Harley Quinn knows what vine is, is dating Poison Ivy (I luv them), and used to date one of the Wayne kids (the one who is married to Slade)

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

d) all the kids are queer icons, and Bruce is a tired dad who can’t survive by himself and may or may not be dating Batman.

Hermit the frog @darwars

Wait, why would he date Batman???

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Haven’t you seen how Superman and Batman look at each other?

Hermit the frog @darwars

Wait, so Superman is Bruce?

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Yeah, and Batman is that Daily Planet reporter, Clark Kent.

Clark Kent @DailyPlanetMan

Wow, I’m Batman!!

World peace baby! @JLeagueWW

Everyone at the JL, knowing Batman & Superman’s identities:

Gif: Micheal Jackson eating popcorn

-Flash

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

WAIT, YOU GUYS KNOW THEIR IDENTITY?!!

World peace baby! @JLeagueWW

We have movie nights and have rooms up in the space station. – Green Lantern

Hermit the frog @darwars

CAN I VISIT!? I CAN’T WORK FOR NASA AND WANT TO GO TO SPACE!

World peace baby! @JLeagueWW

Sure! – Green Lantern

Hermit the frog @darwars

Okay, but GL genuinely came to my place, picked me up, and took me to space. It was awesome.

Caffeine @keyboardsmash

Hey @PHDClown , why are you bestie with himbo BW??? Like, lemme know, pls.

Harlsey @PHDClown

Oh, that’s hard to explain, but I’ll let you in on a secret. *Get closer*

Caffeine @keyboardsmash

*Scootches closer*

Harlsey @PHDClown

Every time he and his hoard of children have a movie night, I get to go. It is utter chaos and I thrive in there.

Harlsey @PHDClown

My lovely Fiancé would like me to add that she thinks it’s basically a playdate for me.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghul @DamianWAG

She’s also my Godmother.

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

Can I just ask, where do all the Gotham vigilantes live?? The kid I babysit for is very effing concerned about y’all not having houses.

Free Wifi @Signalboost

I live in a dorm with five other bats

Nanananana @BATGIRL!

Home.

Batman(therealone) @BatManOffical

In my cave, or with Bruce Wayne

(edited)

Robin @RobinOfficial

With Batman, or my mum, they’re divorced.

SPOILERS! @nahjustkidding

With Oracle.

Bi, Bi, Bi! @Biwing

With the Teen Titans. And also a mass murderer.

I’mnotthatredrobin @RedRobbinyou

With my sugar baby.

| |

No @Redh00d

With my sugar daddy.

I can see your future @Oraclin

With spoiler, or my dad. Also, my partners.

The professor ain’t dead @lattehawtte

She is still concerned. But are you guys ok?

Super Man @SoupmanOffical

As someone who knows all of them, their birthdays, and their identities. No, most of their expenses are therapy bills.

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Okay, thread incoming about the Wayne family/Batfamily(1/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

First, Jason Todd is alive again? The Wayne’s were talking to a Jason, and they called him Todd? Like how did he come back to life? (2/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Secondly, Bruce has been seen with Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent, who is allegedly Batman, which means if he lives occasionally with Bruce, they’re a couple. (3/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Robin also mentioned he lives with his dad who is Batman, and that his mum and dad are divorced, and Clark Kent is divorced and had a kid from his marriage. (4/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Additionally, Red Hood and Red Robin are dating? Or are at least having sex with benefits. (5/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

ALSO, IN TERMS OF RELATIONSHIPS, WHY WHEN HOW DID DICK, HIMBO DICK GRAYSON MARRY AN ASSAIN?? Like, the man’s hot, but the amount of blood on his hands? Insane. (6/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Honourable mention, @PHDClown is besties with BW and the Godmother to one of his kids. Like, I am so happy this is the more popular clown, she is worth it. (7/?)

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Unrelated, but I also made a table on how many times Ryan should’ve won PH.

Shane Madej @shanemadej

Ryan never should’ve won, he wasn’t a seadog, he was never a beefboy.

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

SHANENJDFL;KSJDN;ZBVNKM????

Shane Madej @shanemadej

Also, he made a deal with the devil, he should’ve known what would come.

Ryan Bergara @ryansbergara

@SeceretLesbian please DM me the list.

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

One question for @PHDClown , are you the wine aunt or the vodka aunt?

Harlsey @PHDClown

I’m the vodka aunt and Ives is the whiskey hidden in a subtle flask aunt.

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

Thank you, can I come to the wedding?

Harlsey @PHDClown

Fuck yeah!

Boogara @SeceretLesbian

I would die for you

Harlsey @PHDClown

Please don’t, I’m still your therapist.

#dc #batfam #sladick #jaytim #superbat #jondami #harlivy #oc

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ryuzakemo128 · 2 years

Text

Peaky Blinders Incorrect Quotes (Part Fourteen)

(Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight / Part Nine/ Part Ten / Part Eleven / Part Twelve / Part Thirteen )

(Dividers by this person here)

Red: If I run and leap at Thomas, they will most certainly catch me in their arms. Red, running towards Thomas: Coming in! Thomas: No! I’m holding coffee! Thomas: *Drops coffee and catches Red*

———————————-

Red: Are you trying to seduce me? Thomas: Why, are you seducible?

———————————-

Red: What? I'm not aggressive! Thomas: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips? Red: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

———————————-

Red: Shut up, you’re messing with my train of thought! Thomas: I thought you didn’t have a brain and now you say you have thoughts?

———————————-

Red I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship. Thomas: These are handcuffs. Red: Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

———————————-

Red: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away. Thomas: What makes you say that? Red: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it? Thomas: Red... You don't have a clue about this thing, do you? Red: *screams in anger*

———————————-

Thomas: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world. Red: Unless you're home alone.

———————————-

Red: *closes a cabinet* *a crash is heard behind the cabinet door* Thomas: What was that? Red: The sound of someone else's problem.

———————————-

Red: Thomas, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight? Thomas: Raise the dead. Red: And what did you do? Thomas: Raise the dead.

———————————-

Thomas She couldn't find her way out of a paper bag. Red: That's not true! I found my way out of a paper bag yesterday!

—��—————————-

Thomas: Red, what do you call people you go out with but don’t try to sleep with? Red: ...People?

———————————-

Thomas: Red is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.

———————————-

Red: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swing set? Thomas: No, I said "Red, don't lick that swing set" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swing set.

———————————-

Red: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. Thomas: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

———————————-

Thomas: *dangling from a rope over a pit of fire* Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep? Red: Yes? Thomas: We’re in too deep.

———————————-

Red: I just ended a five year relationship. Thomas: Oh no, are you okay? Red: It's okay, it wasn't mine.

———————————-

Red: I'm gonna get my pilot's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses. Thomas: The big five licenses? Red: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.

———————————-

Red: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things. Thomas: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

———————————-

Red: Thomas, can I speak to you for a minute? In private. Thomas: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

———————————-

Thomas: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it. Red: ...what happened? Thomas: I made a VERY bad mistake.

———————————-

Red: I’m not being weird. Am I being weird? Thomas: Yes, and that’s coming from me.

———————————-

Thomas: Red, you risked your life to save me! Red: And I’d do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

———————————-

Red: I desire moisture. Thomas: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

———————————-

Thomas: Hey there demons, It's me, ya boi. Red: Thomas, NO!

———————————-

Thomas: *holding a salt packet* It’s just a little sodium chloride. Red: Actually Thomas, it’s salt. Thomas: That’s what I said, sodium chloride. Red: Uh Thomas, that would be salt. Red: *takes salt packer from Thomas* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.

———————————-

Red: Ha! Don't you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper? Red: I must be losing it, I'm quoting Thomas.

———————————-

Red: My only talent is being stress. Thomas: Don't you mean stressed? Red: No.

#peaky blinders incorrect quotes #peaky blinders #peaky blinders au #peaky fookin blinders #peaky fucking blinders #peaky blinder #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #modern peaky blinders #Peaky Blinders Modern au #modern Thomas Shelby #Modern Tommy Shelby #Thomas Shelby Modern #Tommy Shelby Modern

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donut-cloud · 2 years

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Lifesteal smp incorrect quotes

Ashswag: You’re a loose cannon, Branzy . Branzy : No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me? Vitalasy: I think you play by your own rules. McClutch: No way, they think rules were made to be broken. Ashswag: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon. Branzy : No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Subz is a loose cannon. Subz: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Branzy ! McClutch: I’d say Subz’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing. Vitalasy: Now I’m just confused. Is Branzy a loose cannon or not? Ashswag: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this. Branzy : *groans* Subz: Aw, man.

Subz: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be? McClutch: Maybe a bit tipsy? Branzy : Drunk. Vitalasy: Wasted. Ashswag: Dead.

Vitalasy: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked. McClutch: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right? Ashswag: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time. Branzy : No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy! Subz: ...put it away.

Clown: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Branzy and I are dating. Lifesteal and Branzy : *gasp* Vitalasy: Branzy, why are you surprised?!

Subz: You know what I learned from my friendship with Ashswag? Vitalasy: There’s no such thing as too mean? Reddoons: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them? Branzy : Always hold a grudge?

McClutch: *runs up to doors* McClutch: Be careful, Vitalasy ! These doors say "Blast Danger"!

Vitalasy : Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

McClutch I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship. Ashswag: These are handcuffs. McClutch: Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

Clown : Branzy... you've been cuddling with me for over and hour now. Branzy: *muffled* mm hmmm :) Clown : Fuck. I should be annoyed but you're adorable.

Branzy: I don't follow the rules. I follow dogs on social media.

Vitalasy : I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

Branzy: Why are you late? Ashswag: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness. Branzy: Overslept? Ashswag: Overslept.

Branzy: Okay, two person huddle. Ashswag: You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug.

Subz : Y’know, maybe things aren’t so bad. I’m here. I got the nice ocean breeze. Just alone with my thoughts. Vitalasy: Hey, Subz . Subz : GODDAMNIT!

Ashswag: Can I have some? Subz, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it.

McClutch: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. Branzy: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

McClutch: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie. Vitalasy : Ooh, can we get some actual pie? McClutch: I like the way you think.

McClutch: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons! Branzy: Bet you I can! Vitalasy : *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

Ashswag: What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave, and her name was Mozzarella? McClutch: Don't ever speak to me again.

Branzy: Why is Subz crying on the floor? Vitalasy : They took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes. Branzy: And? Vitalasy : They got McClutch.

Branzy: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking. Clown, patting him on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Branzy: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it. Branzy: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.

Branzy: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to McClutch.

Reddoons: We’re getting married, bitches! Ashswag: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

Vitaslasy: Even Subz and I have been getting closer. The other day, he gave me half of their sandwich. Subz: I mistook them for a garbage can.

Branzy: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you. Clown: That's great, Branzy. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

Reddoons : Where are you going? Ashswag: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one! Reddoons : I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday! Branzy, knowing full well that Reddoons got Ashswag an engagement ring: *eating popcorn*

McClutch: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. McClutch: That's why I own TEN guns. McClutch: Just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.

Vitalasy : Jesus Saves. McClutch: Passes to Moses, SCOOOOOORE!

Vitalasy : Are you listening to me? Ashswag: *nods* Vitalasy : What did I just say? Vitalasy : *nods* Vitalasy : ...

Reddoons : Why aren’t you sleeping? Ashswag: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Reddoons . Reddoons : Ashswag: ...The nightmares. Reddoons : *wrapping their arms around Ashswag* Awwww, sweetie-

Branzy: It’s time to turn this into a real business. Subz: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes? McClutch: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes? Vitalasy : I handle our accounting.

Ashswag: Italics. Ashswag: Yeah, Italians.

Branzy: Look, Vitalasy , it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and its Monday.

Subz: Hey McClutch, do you have any hobbies? McClutch: Swimming.. Subz: Really? That’s cool. I never expected you to- McClutch: In a pool of self hatred and regret.

Branzy: *dangling from a rope over a pit of fire* Remember when I said I’d tell you when we’re in too deep? Ashswag: Yes? Branzy: We’re in too deep.

McClutch: What is everyone for Halloween? Branzy: I’m superman. Vitalasy : A clown. McClutch: So I’m guessing we don’t need to get you a costume then?

McClutch: I told Vitalasy to grab snacks for everyone. Ashswag, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks? *McClutch, Vitalasy , and Branzy raise their hands*

Ashswag: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt? McClutch: McClutch: Why are you eating dirt? Ashswag: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

Vitalasy : Ashswag- Ashswag: *sighs* Subz used to call me Ashswag... Vitalasy : ...Because it's your fucking name.

McClutch: I'm gonna get my pilot's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses. Subz: The big five licenses? McClutch: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.

Vitalasy : I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.

McClutch: If the thought of something makes any of you giggle for longer than 15 seconds, you are to assume you’re not allowed to do it.

McClutch, to Vitalasy : If you can ever manage to get over yourself, I would highly recommend being me.

Branzy: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.

Subz: You’ve got to learn to love yourself. Ashswag: But don't you hate yourself. Subz: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

Vitalasy : The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.

McClutch: I tried to write ‘I'm a functional adult’ but my phone changed it to ‘fictional adult’ and i feel like that’s more accurate.

Branzy: Why does everyone want to kill McClutch? Vitalasy : Because, goddamnit, have you seen them? Their neck looks so snappable.

Ashswag: Okay! Let’s play Kiss Marry Kill! Ashswag: First who would you kill? *Madtiger points at Branzy* *Rek points at Branzy* *Chief points at Branzy* Branzy: *shrugs* I would kill me too.

(this is a refrence to this video www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyAaEibwRsI)

McClutch: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like- Clown, to Branzy: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual. Reddoons , to Ashswag: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire. Branzy: There are two types of people.

Branzy: I just found out from Ashswag today that when Vitalasy died and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, McClutch said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”

McClutch: We’re about to do the taser challenge. You want in? Vitalasy : What's the taser challenge? Subz: We tase eachother, then drink. Vitalasy : How do you win? McClutch: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?

*In a horror movie situation* Subz: I've got no service in my phone here. McClutch: Shoot, my battery just died. Vitalasy : Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer. Branzy: Guys, my phone is a book.

Branzy: I need 28 lightbulbs for 28 ducks. McClutch: Ducks can’t eat lightbulbs? Ashswag: I think that’s the point. Branzy: Exactly. I want my ducks to glow so I can find them.

Vitalasy : I'm not doing to well. Ashswag: What's wrong? Vitalasy : I have this headache that comes and goes. *Branzy enters the room* Vitalasy : There it is again.

Reddoons : Can I have your number? Ashswag, visible texting: I don't have a phone.

Ashswag: You don't think I can fight! Vitalasy : I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Subz can fight in that dress either. Subz: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

Branzy & Vitalasy in the back of Subz's car: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! Subz: We have food at home. Subz: *pulls into the McDonald's drivethrough* Branzy & Vitalasy : YAYYYYYY! Subz: *orders one black coffee and leaves*

Subz: McClutch, is that my mug you’re drinking out of? McClutch: No, it’s mine. Subz: It... looks just like the one I have... McClutch: You don’t have one like this anymore.

Subz: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog… Ashswag: What’s updog? Subz: Branzy! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

Branzy: Christmas is cancelled. Subz: You can't cancel a holiday. Branzy: Keep it up, Subz, and you'll lose New Year's too. Subz: What does that mean? Branzy: Ashswag, take New Year's away from Subz.

Spoke: Is this about me? Parrot: No. Spoke: Then I've lost interest.

Ashswag: Where did you get that tomato soup? Branzy: It’s actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

Parrot: I can't imagine what Ashswag is planning. But I can tell you two things. I won't like it and it won't be legal.

Vitalasy : So, what are we doing? Ashswag: Wasting our lives. Vitalasy : I meant for lunch...

McClutch: All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

Subz: Do you guys hear something? Branzy: I hear the sound of you shutting the fuck up.

Vitalasy : We have fun, don’t we, Subz? Subz: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

McClutch: *walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium* Branzy: McClutch, what did you think a tiger shark was?

Ashswag: How did you break your leg? McClutch: Do you see those porch stairs? Ashswag: Yes. McClutch: I didn't.

Ashswag: Branzy spat in Vitalasy 's ear today when they were sitting on the couch together. Subz: ...What?! Why?! Ashswag, shrugging: You tell me.

Branzy: They say that the most valuable things cost nothing. Vitalasy : They also say that being cheap is an annoying trait, so don’t overuse that excuse.

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Branzy* Branzy: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

Ashswag: My life isn't as glamourous as my wanted posters makes it look.

Vitalasy : Why does Branzy always do the laundry so loudly? McClutch: So everyone knows that no one helps him out in the house. Branzy, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

Reddoons : Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!? Ashswag: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

Ashswag: We’re having a moment, aren’t we? Branzy: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

Ashswag: I'm feeling it! What am I feeling? Death, probably.

#lifesteal smp

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thatrandomwriter · 3 years

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Rooftop Romance

merle x reader

warnings: swearing, gore, sexual language

“You sure he’s worth it?” T-Dog asked, skepticism written across his face.

“Him and Daryl are our best hunters. They may both share about three brain cells, and Merle is about the biggest asshole I’ve ever met-“

“Hey, fuck you,” Merle cut in. I ignored him.

“But the fact is we need them to survive. We’ll make it out of the city, but you need to go before the others leave without you,”

T-Dog looked conflicted, but after a few seconds he dashed out of the door, racing down the stairs. I pulled the door shut, locking it behind him. There was a strong chance that I had just ensured my own death as well as Merle’s. The sound of the dead beating on the door almost as soon as T-Dog had left seemed to give Merle the same idea.

“Well fucking come on then princess, I ain’t getting any younger over here.” He had that god awful smirk plastered across his face. “You know, there’s a lot I can do with these hands. Maybe I can show ya once I’m free,” he made a crude gesture with his cuffed hand.

“Maybe if you didn’t say shit like that all the time, someone might actually wanna fuck you. You’re disgusting, you know that?”

Instead of waiting for his no-doubt even worse reply, I walked over to see what had been left in Dale’s toolbox. It was mostly screwdrivers and spanners, nothing of any use to me, but I noted a hammer and most importantly a hacksaw. Hopefully it would be strong enough to get through the metal of Merle’s handcuff.

“Call me disgusting all ya like, everyone knows you want a piece of this,”

My cheeks grew hot and I fumbled the saw, almost dropping it as I walked over to him. It was a humiliating feeling to know that he was right. To know that despite what a piece of shit he was, over the few weeks I’d known him, I had developed some form of feelings for him. Merle had found me while out checking the camp’s perimeter with Shane. Having just escaped the city, I was exhausted and terrified, and just about ready to collapse on the forest floor and give up. Of course, Merle’s reasoning for taking me back likely had more to do with wanting to fuck me than anything else, but I wasn’t entirely convinced that Shane would have taken me back if Merle hadn’t been there to bear witness. We weren’t exactly close, but we shared a fondness for drinking and he taught me a few things about using a crossbow. I didn’t fool myself into thinking he wanted anything more than a one time fling with me; he flirted with just about anything with tits. But some small, stupid part of me still hoped for more.

I sat next to him, pulling his hand toward me to get a better look at the handcuffs. When I looked up, he was staring into my face with another stupid grin. I sent him a glare back.

“Come on now, don’t be like that. Last I checked we’re all alone up here, no-one needs to know, part from maybe a few walkers,”

“Would you quit it? I’m trying to save your life.”

“Jus’ trying to lighten the mood. You should really try lightening up sometime, wouldn’t kill ya,”

I rolled my eyes, corner of my mouth twitching upwards slightly.

“Looks like cutting through the cuffs is gonna be a no go, but this pipe you’ve been cuffed too looks pretty old. It’s worth a try at least,” I lined up Dale’s saw, and began working at the metal.

“So I’m gonna be stuck with a friendship bracelet from Officer Friendly?”

The thought made me laugh a little.

“It’s not like you don’t deserve it; threatening everyone with a gun wasn’t exactly your best moment.” I teased. In his defence, he had most definitely been high as a kite when he’d started pointing the gun. Not that that really made it any better.

“I wasn’t gunna shoot em. Definitely wasn’t gunna shoot you, ya far too beautiful,” Merle said.

“And so’s Andrea, right? And Lori, and Jackie, and every other woman who isn’t trying to eat us,”

“I dunno, some of those walkers ain’t too bad,”

I hit him on the shoulder.

“Can’t I make a joke? Or are ya gunna get jealous, hmm?”

I stopped talking to him after that, focusing instead on trying to make any headway with the pipe he was handcuffed to. After an hour or so, I had only made a tiny dent in the metal. Merle was getting increasingly annoying, and the sun was starting to slowly set in the sky. If we wanted to leave today I’d have to hurry; travelling the city in the dark was a death sentence. At least the walkers at the rooftop door seemed to have given up, or gotten distracted by some other unfortunate souls. They had stopped pounding on the door some time ago.

The saw blade bent slightly, but I persisted, determined to succeed, speeding up. Under the strain of my sawing, the blade bent sideways, and suddenly snapped under the pressure, coming clattering to the floor.

“The fuck did you do?” Merle demanded.

“The blade wasn’t strong enough. It couldn’t get through the pipe. I’m sorry.” I felt suddenly numb. I couldn’t look at him. I’d failed. I’d failed him. He was stuck here, to starve or to be eaten by walkers.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m gonna fucking die up here, god fucking damnit. Look at me, the fuck did you do?” He grabbed my shoulder with his free hand, gripping me hard, shaking me, forcing me to meet his eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” It was one of the first serious, genuine things I’d said to Merle, and it was a death sentence. Tears pricked my eyes. I didn’t have the energy to hide them.

“No. Fuck that, we’re ain’t done yet. You got a knife, right?” He was still staring into my face, but desperate anger had shifted to urgency.

“Yes, but it won’t cut through metal,” I said.

His grim expression told me that he had already figured that out.

“You can’t be serious. You want me to- I can’t,” There had to be another way.

“You got no choice. It’s my hand or my life.”

It took me a few seconds to process this. The only way out would be to cut off his hand. And I would have to be the one to do it.

“Fine. But I’ll do it first thing in the morning. We don’t have time to get out of the city before it gets dark, and I don’t want you bleeding out overnight.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you cared about me,” His shit eating grin was back. Only Merle could look this smug after discovering his hand was about to be cut off.

“Good job you know better then,” I smiled and sat next to him, looking out over the darkening city. At least we were stuck somewhere with an impressive view. The setting sun sent orange streaking through the sky, bathing buildings in a warm glow. I glanced to my side. Merle appeared to also be taking in the sunset in a rare moment of silence.

“I’d do the same for you ya know,” Merle said, breaking the silence after a few minutes.

“No you wouldn’t.” I replied. It wasn’t something that upset me, it was just a fact - if the roles were reversed, I had doubts that Merle would have stayed on this rooftop even for Daryl.

“Course I would. Yer one of the only people I can stand in that group, not to mention ya got a mighty fine ass,” He grinned over at me. I couldn’t help but smile back.

“You mean it?”

“Yeah, course I do. I could stare at it all day,”

I hit his shoulder with mine.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“I ain’t good with the mushy stuff, don’t push it,” He was still smiling, eyes looking into mine for once instead of straying to glance down my shirt.

“Sounds like you care about me, Merle. More than you usually let on at least,” I was teasing him but this moment meant a lot; in short, Merle was shit at showing anyone affection. For him, this was like a declaration of love.

“Yer not gonna make me say it again so drop it,” he huffed.

“I’m just kidding around. And I didn’t just stay here because you’re a good hunter,” I confessed, staring pointedly into the distance to avoid his eyes.

“Course ya didn’t, ain’t no way you’d let me die without getting a piece of this,” It seemed to be his way of lightening the mood, diverting the seriousness of the conversation.

“We should get some sleep, busy day tomorrow.”

When the hot sun awoke me the next morning, I found myself nestled into Merle’s side, head on his shoulder, his free arm wrapped around me. I took a moment to enjoy the feeling of his broad body against mine, before pulling away to wake him up. The sooner we were gone, the better.

“Mornin’ “ he grinned lazily.

“You ready?” I asked, and his expression dropped to one of determined focus.

“As I’ll ever be,”

I retrieved my knife and a lighter from one of the pockets of my rucksack. It would have to do as a means of sanitising the blade as I had very little in the way of medical supplies. Shrugging off the button down I wore over a tank top, I folded it ready to use as a bandage for Merle. I could have sworn his eyes slipped down to my cleavage, far more noticeable now the shirt was off, but I wasn’t in the mood to bring it up.

“Can I have your belt?” I asked.

“Don’t need to ask me twice,” He said, the implied innuendo obvious. He unbuckled it with his free hand and tugged it loose.

I strapped it around his forearm, tight as I could make it, a makeshift tourniquet that would hopefully do something to stop the bleeding. It had to be enough.

Merle reached inside his pocket, and withdrew a small bag of white powder.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” I asked, very aware of the dangers we’d face in the city even if he survived losing his hand. Merle being off his face wouldn’t do us any favours.

“Need a little somethin’ to take the edge off,” He tried to form his usual smug grin, but his mouth wavered slightly. I nodded. Who was I to make that decision for him?

I gave him a minute or so, and when he nodded at me, I took my knife to his wrist and began to cut. There was far more blood than I had thought. And despite Merle’s best efforts to remain stoic, and the effects of the drugs, he was in an unbelievable amount of pain. I had to fight the urge to just give up and cry in a corner, but I did it for him. Even when he begged me to stop, to just make the pain stop. His yelling had begun to attract walkers, a few were banging on the rooftop door and the longer this took the more there would be. He gripped my arm as I cut, hard enough to bruise.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I muttered over and over again as I finished, his hand dropping to the floor with a sickening thunk.

Merle was breathing heavily, gasping through the pain. I pressed my shirt against the wound, tying it tightly and leaving the belt in place. There was so much blood. On my hands, my pants, the rooftop.

“Stay there. I’m going to clear the stairwell, I’ll be right back.”

He nodded.

I unlocked the door and wedged my foot under the door to prevent it opening all the way, a walker slamming forward and right onto my knife. It slumped to the floor. Another was quick to take its place. I worked my way through several before they finally stopped coming. Hopefully only a few had been close enough to hear Merle.

I hurried back toward him. The bleeding seemed to be slowing slightly, though it still showed no signs of stopping. He was losing too much blood. But I wasn’t willing to face that reality.

“You think you can stand?”

“Course I can,” he replied through gritted teeth.

I grabbed his good arm and pulled him forward, helping him stand, putting the arm around my shoulders so I could take some of his body weight. He was heavy, but any help I could give him I would.

We walked to the door and I lead him down the stairwell; it wasn’t wide enough for the two of us side by side, but he leaned on my back and I did my best to steady him on the way down. He stumbled a couple of times, no doubt the blood-loss making him dizzy, but we moved as slowly as I dared, me supporting him when he needed it. At the bottom, another walker lunged towards us. It took me a moment to grab my knife and stick it between its eyes, and I kept the blade in my hand after that. One free hand would have to do to help Merle. It was strange, having to protect him like this. Normally I was certain he’d object to me coddling him like this, but he had no choice but to rely on me for once. We made it to a fire exit around the back of the building in a room with several gas stoves. Merle wasn’t looking his best, blood dripping through the makeshift bandage on his arm. He seemed to have the idea at the same time as me.

“Do it,” He nodded grimly and I grimaced, but didn’t hesitate to light the nearest stove, placing a metal tray on top on the flames to heat through enough to cauterise the stump of his wrist.

“We’re gonna make it back, you know. “

“I know,” He said, but it was easy to see the uncertainty in his eyes.

The metal tray seemed hot enough, and I could tell he was gathering the will to do it, slowly, reluctantly unwrapping the open wound. I wasn’t entirely sure Merle could bring himself to. Gently, I took his arm in my hands, unwrapping it myself. Instead of watching the shirt unravel, he stared down into my face. Despite the circumstances, he still made my cheeks hot with the intensity of his gaze which I somehow managed to meet. I reached up, hooking an arm around his neck and a smile tilted the corners of his mouth. He waited for me to move closer first, and when I leaned my face towards his, he wasted no time in bridging the gap between us with a searing kiss. He was perfectly distracted. It was a shame to waste this moment but I did what had to be done, and drove his wrist down onto the hot metal on the stove.

“Son of a fucking bitch!” He exclaimed, yanking his arm away from the stove, and I winced.

“Shit, I’m sorry, but the bleeding’s stopped, right?”

He glared at me through the pain. “You serious?”

“I said I’m sorry, and I did just stop you from bleeding to death,” I smiled tentatively, and he shook his head, still cursing.

“So ya kiss like that fer a distraction? I’d love ta know what the real thing feels like,”

Kissing him had been stupid. But I was in the mood to be stupid, and I couldn’t resist kissing him again. He somehow mustered up that stupid, endearing grin as I pulled him towards me, lips meeting as his good arm found my waist. I could lose myself in the feeling of kissing Merle, all teeth and tongues colliding with no need to be gentle. His hand scooped me in closer until I was pressed up against him, before drifting to my ass with a squeeze. I hummed in pleasure, forgetting to breathe as he kissed me harder. When we finally broke apart all I wanted was to lean back in and kiss him again and again, to stay like this, pressed as close against him as I could be, not thinking about anything else.

“Knew ya wanted a piece of this,” Merle smirked. God he was insufferable. But I was willing to suffer, so long as he kept kissing me like that.

#the walking dead #twd #merle dixon #merle dixon x reader #daryl dixon #twd fanfiction #t dog #oneshot #imagine #rick grimes #reader insert

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dinklebat · 3 years

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More creepypasta incorrect quotes I have saved on my phone that nobody asked for!

(actually fun fact my sister and I share an incorrecr quote template hoard and I copy and pasted all of it into a word counter)

Toby: do dragons fart fire?

EJ: I don't know.

Toby: I thought you went to college.

Slenderman: You say “please” and “thank you” in front of your kids all the time and they never repeat it

Slenderman: But when you say “fuck” ONCE—

Masky: No distractions, I need to get to work.

Toby: Batman and Kim Possible have the same powers.

Masky: Shut up.

Hoodie, aiming gun at Masky: I am a sniper, you cannot outsnipe me.

Kagekao: Nathan has delicious chapstick.

Liu: Wait, you guys finally kissed? On the LIPS????

Nathan: No, this asshole just ate my chapstick.

Kagekao: So I'll start by introducing myself. I'm-

Nathan: [enters the room]

Kagekao: -very gay and very single

Jeff: And now it's time to send in our cute little secret weapon.

Ben: I'm ready, Jeff. I love the nickname.

Jeff: No, Ben, not you. I was talking about Smile. *gestures to dog*

Ben: Oh, right, obviously.

Jeff: Over the past month, I've had him trained to retrieve small items. And now, boy, it's time to make Daddy proud.

Y/N: Yes, sir.

Jeff: I could not have been more clearly talking to Smile.

X Virus: I've been feeling that we're not as close anymore, so...

X Virus: I got us some friendship bracelets!

Doby: Awh, Cody, you shouldn't have.

X Virus: [slaps on a pair of handcuffs]

X Virus: There we go.

Doby:

Doby: Really, you shouldn’t have.

Masky: do any of you know how to slow dance?

*Doby raises his hand*

Masky: And I mean something other than doing the Macarena at half speed.

*Doby puts his hand back down*

Doby: hey, here’s a fun idea for Christmas! What if we hung up mistletoe—

X Virus: *blushes* oh really—

Doby: —but instead of kissing we had to fight the other person underneath!!

X Virus:

Kate:

Hoodie:

Masky: we’re not doing that

Toby: ..mistlefoe

Masky: Toby no

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tiredconfusednovice · 3 years

Text

Sun wukong: I got us a friendship bracelet to share!

Tripitaka: that’s so sweet! you didn’t have—

Sun Wukong: *handcuffs himself to Tripitaka*

Tripitaka: what—

Sun Wukong: I’d like to see you get kidnapped now!

#sun wukong #tripitaka #JTTW #tang sanzang #journey to the west #suntang #suntrip #???#what is their ship name?

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cheeseburgersstuff · 3 years

Text

Our New Life- 19

Steve rogers

Damon salvatore

Warnings: language, mistakes, shitty plot…

master-list

The next morning they both were getting ready to go back. She was feeling nervous because this time she wasn't going to find Katherine. She was going to find her happiness. It was her turn to live her life. To come out of her insecurities and embrace who she was, she was going to let him accept her.

Despite her negative thoughts, there was still hope, after seeing him right in front of her, she felt hope, a light after years of darkness and failure. Maybe everything was going to be fine now. With that thought in her mind, she sat in the car with a smile on her face.

"You got some food cause I'm hungry, we can also go outside if you want," Damon said with a smirk, making her roll her eyes. She knew what food he was talking about.

She went into the kitchen and brought a bag of blood and put it in hand roughly.

"No need to go out," she said with a bitter smile.

Damon sat on the couch and started to watch some shitty show on the TV.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door, making her panic for no reason. She mentioned Damon going inside the room. When he was out of sight she went to open the door, only to see a man with a patch on his eye.

'Um… how can I help you?" She knew who he was and him being there wasn't a good thing.

"May I come in?" He asked politely. "No" y/n replied instantly, she had to be rude. Her mind was yelling to shut the door on his face.

"I knew you would say that I'm just here to talk. I know that you know me very well, just like I know about you. We could talk somewhere else too, but I think your friend inside would worry where you went." He was still smiling.

She looked at him with wide eyes, how did he know about Damon, was he following her.

She took a breath and mentioned him to come inside.

After locking the door, she turned towards him, "you were following me? You know how wrong it is, no matter who the hell you are, I'm not one of your agents or workers you could keep an eye on." She spat furiously.

"Well, you should think about that when you were helping citizens with a strange level of speed. Everyone is talking about you. They don't know you, you are just a girl with strange powers for them." He said, taking a step towards her, "but you know, I know who you are." He smiled.

Before she could say anything, Damon came and seized him by his neck. "Who the fuck you think you are?" Damon hissed at him. Y/n instantly went to free him from Damon.

"Damon, let him go" she pushed him away from the man.

The man took deep breaths and looked towards them.

"I knew coming here, a house with two vampires would be dangerous." He coughed. Y/n gave him a glass of water and helped him sit.

After some moments of silence, she spoke, "who are you, how do you know about us? And why are you here?" She asked with a stern voice.

He chuckled, "I thought you knew about me, I'm Nick Fury, director of the S.H.I.E.L.D., and about how I know about who you guys are. Well, almost every founding family member has an old family journal, so does I." Fury said, making both of them confused.

"Can you elaborate please?" Damon said, feeling annoyed.

"My family was one of the founding families. But when they got to know about all the vampire shit and stuff, they moved out of there. I have just read about vampires in that journal, thinking this was all a made-up story. But then seeing you there, the first thing that came into my mind was that journal. And then obviously I did some research and I got to know the lady, who was keeping an eye on my agents from, a year, is the one who saved those people there."

"You thought I didn't know about your activities? I knew about you, just couldn't get my hands on you, but then you came into the battle, becoming a hero and making it easy for me to come after you." Everything he told her was making her confused. Was he also involved with Katherine? It was possible, he knew about vampires.

She wasn't expecting anything like that. She was there to make her life better, not to put it in more mess.

She sighed "now what do you want from me? Go with you with handcuffs, for investigation? Tell you why I was after your men?" She asked. Damon looked at her incredulously, feeling a defeat, tiredness in her voice.

"Hey, it's okay, we can compel him" he put a hand on her shoulder.

Before she could say anything, fury spoke: "not to make you feel bad, I wear vervain." He showed them his bracelet.

"But don't worry, I'm not here to arrest you or to tell me what were you up to? Because I know that. I also had a suspension of having a vampire's involvement but of course, I couldn't find anything. I just want you to join my team. You both would help each other, you need a team to find that person, and we need you. Help us, making it clean, what stark built what you built."

His words, making her head pound, how did he know about her, helping Stark, no one knew.

"How much do you know about me exactly?" She asked furiously, her eyes filled with blood, her veins popping out as if she was threatening him.

Damon tried to calm her, but she wasn't listening to anything.

Fury held his hand high.

" I just saw a picture of you with stark. No one knows who you are. It's just one picture and a few things about you, Stark wrote. About your friendship and your help. I also didn't know until I saw you. But no one else knows and I'll make sure of that. I also need your help, trust me." He never used this pathetic tone with anyone in his life, he, of course, had backup, but he wanted her to join the Avengers.

She had powers, she was a hero and people needed that, so the next time someone would dare to attack the Earth, Earth would be ready to retaliate.

He needed her to save her from her darkness, to keep her away from the monster inside her and close to her human side.

He wanted to find the one who was invading his home, his life. He spent all these years for SHIELD, he couldn't let it fall now. He needed her to save it.

There were so many reasons he needed her for. That no one can do but her. No one would believe him, his vampire story. But she knew and she would help him. She would save what she built with her late friend.

"I'll be waiting for your answer." He said and stood up to leave. There was nothing else to say. He knew she would save SHIELD. But little did he know, she wasn't only thinking about SHIELD, she was thinking about saving herself. This was what she needed.

She knew there was no other option. A bit of courage and she would be able to make everything fine. Her life, Steve, Katherine, SHIELD, she would do what she wanted to do, save the world.

The key to making everything fine was becoming an Avenger...

A/N: If you still read this shitty fic thank you so much for your patience :')

I feel so bad for not posting on time... 🤧

@krazykatkay456

@ifilosemyselfagain

@strangelycami

@silver-winter-wolf

@elliee1497

@missdforever

@be-patient-be-good

@unknownmystery22

#steve rogers x reader #damon salvatore x reader #captain america x reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans #Captain America #steve rogers #marvel #damon salvatore #tvd #the vampire diaries #cross over #our new life

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phanfictioncatalogue · 3 years

Text

Slice Of Life - Non AU - Masterlist

A Day In The Life of Married Dan And Phil (ao3) - umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex

Summary: It's Autumn 2018 and, after having both come out soon after they tied the knot, Phil uploads a Day In The Life of them celebrating their first anniversary.

Feat: pancakes, Napstablook, Legend of Zelda, a romantic dinner, whether or not Sherlock is still relevant in 2018, other youtubers, a musical, prank calling, two dorks in love

a room full of my safest sounds (ao3) - snsk

Summary: day five: domestic fluff

Boomer Karen (ao3) - strawberrysunflower

Summary: “What do they mean, I look like a Boomer Karen?”

Phil reflects on getting older.

Bub (ao3) - Fictropes

Summary: It’s a normal Saturday night when Dan lets it slip.

Connect The Dots (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: It's been years since they first met, and Phil still works out little white lies Dan told to impress him at the start of their relationship.

Even in the Dark (ao3) - Emptylester (timelordangel)

Summary: The power goes out for an evening and Dan and Phil have some quality alone time.

How Phil finally got a Cat or Why Dan and Phil really moved out of their first London Apartment (ao3) - sky_fish

Summary: Dan said “no” to a cat already for a thousand times, but Phil still does not give up on the idea of getting a pet. The day after a severe fight over the topic, Phil disappears and while Dan borders on another existential crisis, he finds an adorable black cat in their flat…

In The Absence of Light (ao3) - Emptylester (timelordangel)

Summary: After the Australian tour, things slow down. Dan's mental state gets bad again, and Phil takes care of him. It might be a little more complicated than either wish to admit.

Memories (ao3) - dayevsphil, intoapuddle

Summary: Memories can be flawed, but Dan definitely thinks he remembers their first kiss correctly. Phil thinks otherwise.

my light in the dark (ao3) - CapriciousCrab

Summary: He wishes that someone would swoop into his bedroom and make him well, to rub the ache from his back while wiping his face down with a cool flannel. He longs for cool fingers to run through his messy hair before massaging his scalp. He wants Phil.

Pure (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: Experience and learning isn’t a place. It’s a person. It’s Dan.

Sun, It Will Rise (ao3) - strawberrysunflower

Summary: Phil gets blue-lighted into hospital after sort of, possibly, maybe swallowing superglue. Dan stays up for him.

The Cuddle Sutra (ao3) - strawberrysunflower

Summary: It’s taken the better part of ten years for Dan and Phil to figure out the best position, but they’re pretty sure that by now they’ve perfected the art of the cuddle.

The Other Side Of A Loop (ao3) - dandrogynous

Summary:

“Well, but you're brave,” Phil says. Dan smiles slightly and leans his head on Phil’s shoulder again. “Braver than I am.” “I’m scared of the dark,” Dan tells him. “Not brave.” “I’m scared of putting new shoes on top of tables. Even more not brave.”

2011 slice of life - moving in and dropping out title from Seigfried by Frank Ocean

The Worst Kind of Friendship Bracelets (ao3) - Emptylester (timelordangel)

Summary: Dan and Phil accidentally handcuff themselves together, shenanigans and important conversations ensue.

this is the place (where i don't feel lost) (ao3) - commonemergency

Summary: He loved it here. He loved being with Phil and his family. He loved not being on the internet or thinking about what people are saying online, he loved the walks and the talks and the freeness that being here brought. Or Dan spends Christmas and New Years Eve with the Lesters.

together: a tale in five board games (ao3) - dieofthatroar

Summary: Dan in his BBC LGBT interview: "I had friends who honestly would be like, 'so, are you going to get a girlfriend at some point?' and I was like, 'so you have no idea, even though we've been friends for five years.'"

Dan and Phil have this friend that comes over for monthly board game night.

Where Nothing Bothered Us (ao3) - realeyesrealize

Summary: These are some of Dan’s favourite mornings, just Phil and him. This is when he feels the most grounded, just a normal man and his partner, making plans about their future.

or: a much needed lazy morning amidst tour planning.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #sliceoflife #sliceoflife masterlist

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orionares · 3 years

Text

BTHB: Handcuffed

Psych

@badthingshappenbingo

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the name of the father, my Colt 1911 and the universal hatred of hippies, I will not strangle Spencer with these cuffs….

"Psst...Lassie?"

We will get rescued and then he'll go back to San Francisco with O'Hara….

"Lassito? Can you scratch my back?"

And I will get a reward from the Mayor for self-control…

"Laaaaaasssie, please? Can't reach it- Hey! Do you ever use your cane as a back scratcher?"

"SPENCER!" Lassiter hisses loud enough for the bearded well, hippie guarding the arid decrepit living room to hear. The Police Chief scowls at the blank eyes of the guard and waits for the man to turn back to whatever the hell he'd been doing.

What fresh hell is this- he had told O'Hara that a fishing trip alone with Shawn wasn't going to end well. But then Marlowe had joined with O'Hara's puppy dog eyes and-

"What?" Shawn replies with the irritating casualness one isn't supposed to have while handcuffed back to back.

And also after being kidnapped.

Lassiter lowers his voice down to a loud whisper, "What did I tell you?"

"When Ron and his friends took us from the boat?"

Of course Spencer would figure out their captors name.

"How in God's name do you know that..man's name?" Lassiter asks, already prepared for the idiotic performance sure to follow. In the briefest of moments, Lassiter's heart lifts at the delay in response from Shawn and the beautiful possibility of a semi-mature response.

"'Cause I'm psychic."

Idiot.

Ron lumbers over from his near hour long guard at the door and sneers heavily, "You two needa shut up."

"Kidnapping a Police Chief and a civilian-"

"Psychic," Shawn interrupts because, of course.

Lassiter rolls his eyes and continues glaring at Ron. "Is making things worse. And a hippie like you, destroying this-"

Shawn wiggles in his spot and somehow manages not to irritate Lassiter's injured arm. He dramatically tsks and states," Look, Ron, my good man, as we had tried to tell you while we were on our boat before you swooped in and took us, we are just two men doing manly fishing ...manly...ly."

Lassiter sighs and quickly weighs the pros and cons of persuading Ron to duct tape Shawn's mouth shut. No, they were two men , forced by a pregnant detective and her puppy eyes to "bond".

"Wai, you's kinda young to be a puh-lees chief," Ron says, cocking his head to the right like a German Shepard. Normally, Carlton Lassiter would tear into Ron head to toe for well, everything, but it's the man's current attention that leaves Lassiter well, speechless.

Attention directed solely on Shawn.

Shawn chuckles, not even attempting to stifle down his delight at Ron's comment. "As much as I am delighted at the compliment, alas, I am not the Police Chief in this dynamic duo. No, I am Shawn Spencer, Master and commander of Psychfransico in beautiful San Francisco. This silver haired fox is my idol and Police Chief of Santa Barbara, Carlton Lassiter. "

Ron naively scoffs at Lassiter and chuckles, "You 'ain't a Police Chief. You look like his Daddy."

The squeal of delight from Spencer- is it possible to double the mortification he's already drowning in?

"Stooop," Shawn replies with giddy shyness. "I'd shake your hand , good man, if I could. Speaking of hands, I know you and your merry man of kidnappers-"

"Ya'll went on our land and we can't have that," Ron counters.

Lassiter blinks out of his daze of mortification and snorts at the happy conversing between Ron and Shawn.

How cute.

"Can you two stop sharing your feelings and get back to the fact that you and your little pals kidnapped a Police Chief-"

"And psychic!"

"Spencer, I swear to God-"

"What? Accuracy is important!"

"STOP!!" Ron bellows before staggering back to the counter. The over dramatic fall is one of the many reasons he had taken Lilly to a small gathering of hippies banging drums and reviewed in great details the detrimental behaviors of tree huggers.

A great activity for a four year old, despite Marlowe's eye roll.

"Are you really a Police Chief?" Ron blubbers. Lassiter groans and opens his mouth for another smarmy comment. Unfortunately, the motormouth champion of the West Coast beats him to it.

"He is. One of the best in the west. Just like I am and my psychic skill. Just how I predict that you make that right move and let me and the man who sleeps with two pistols in his bedside go."

It's three- one in the dresser, one under the pillow and one in the ejection slot on the bed frame, Lassiter thinks before the non- irritable side of him sparks a thoughtful observation.

Has Spencer been giving me compliments this whole time?

Ron opens his mouth and gawks momentarily at Lassiter before clumsily turning and lumbering out the door. Shawn sighs louder than necessary and then comments, "He seems nice."

"Do you two want a room to braid each other's hair," Lassiter growls with increasing volume," AND MAKE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS?"

"Gus and I did that last week," Shawn replies calmly," the friendship bracelets, I mean." He leans towards the wall, humming softly, before pressing a small sharp object against Lassiter's wrist. "I was going to just cut us free instead."

Lassiter Scrunches his nose and imagines his Lilly and his Marlowe smiling back at him and how he'd miss them dearly if he would be arrested for strangling Spencer. "You had a sharp object this entire time?"

"No. I found it but didn't want to use it with our main man Ron in the room,” Shawn states. Lassiter can feel Shawn’s hands fidgeting with the handcuffs. The Police Chief lets out a frustrated humph as Shawn continues to work before the glorious sound of a click from the handcuffs.

“Lassie, can I ask you a question?”

"No."

"No, seriously."

He'd bang his head against the wall if he could. Lassiter inhales and exhales slowly, knowing full well that Spencer could and would keep this game up if he wanted to. "Fine," he says slowly, "What?"

"How do you be a good father?"

Oh.

The pain in the ass, the bane of his existence, the-

The handcuffs click and the cold metal around Lassiter's wrist drop to the ground. "Hold on," Shawn mutters as he continues to fidget with his own cuffs until they also drop to the ground. Shawn turns around and repeats his earlier question, "So yeah, how do you be a good father?"

Turning on the floor to face Shawn would take an awkward, frustrating set of movements so Lassiter stays back to back with Shawn. "Is that why you asked me to go fishing?"

Shawn grunts as he rolls onto his hands and then pushes himself up onto his knees. He shrugs and admits, “Me and my dad aren’t- well, we butt heads. With Jules being eight months pregnant, she figured out that I wanted to talk to you but-”

“Spencer, “ Lassiter hisses, softening his expression at the look in Shawn’s eyes. Is that puppy eyes? “How about this? We get out of here, I shoot some hippies and then I’ll give you six minutes.. and forty five seconds to ask me questions about fatherhood.”

Just as his daughter, Shawn perks up and grins as if just being told about a trip to the ice cream store. He stands and helps lift Lassiter to his feet. “There are six doors- two on the left and four on the right. We went down two flights of stairs with eight steps on each,” Shawn rambles, “and….when we were blindfolded in the back of the jeep, we took three left turns and a right turn from the boat.”

In normal times, especially back in the days when Shawn and Gus were causing chaos in Santa Barbara, Carlton Lassiter would scowl and walk away from the idiotic smile on Shawn’s face with Juliet on his heels. Right now, as he’s aggravated for being kidnapped, hungry and really wishing Marlowe hadn’t talked him into taking one pistol with him instead of his usual three, there is a small part of him that he will never outwardly admit that is a bit impressed and proud of Spencer.

A very, very small part of him. A minute size part of him.

“Ready?” Shawn asks as he pulls Lassiter’s uninjured arm over his shoulder for support.

Lassiter nods, thinking- Ready.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Escaping comes way too easy.

Lassiter isn’t the least surprised to find only two of the six men that had surrounded them on the boat sitting in the room at the top of the stairs. He really isn’t surprised when Shawn manages to sow doubt in Ron’s mind long enough to give Lassiter the chance to grab the closest item and whip it across the room and clock the second man in the back of the head.

After calling for assistance, arresting Ron and his unconscious friend and threatening the two arriving SBPD officers with hell if they even think about saying a word, Lassiter stands in front of a police vehicle, watching Shawn talk animatedly to Juliet O’Hara on the phone. The same small part of him that was impressed by Shawn triggers a faint smile on the Police Chief’s face.

“I’ll be home soon. Yep…..tell Gus that he can breathe…..I love you too….kiss the belly for me. Ok, bye!” Shawn exclaims happily. He pockets his phone and tries to calmly cross the lot to Lassiter. Lassiter can feel the excited energy bouncing off the younger man as he asks quietly, “So…..how can I be a good father to my little girl? Like you are?”

Good lord. Lassiter sighs and replies, “You’ll be fine, Spencer, but ask any question you want.”

“For six minutes and forty five seconds?”

He’ll regret this dearly. “I will open it up to ten minutes-” he holds up a hand as Shawn’s eyes widen with excitement, “-don’t make me regret this.”

#psych #shawn spencer #carlton lassiter #bad things bingo #bad things happen bingo

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