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soupandsimple · 11 months

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Pretty, Like… (With James Potter)

[ little Harry meeting his new baby sister after you come home from the hospital ]

* f l u f f 🥰

** includes godfather Sirius Black; indirect mention of Lily (and it’s not positive sooo..)

This was requested: see the ask here

…………….

“Watch your step dove,” James said as he held the car door open for you with one hand and the baby carrier in the other.

You had just arrived home from the hospital after the birth of your baby girl but that had nothing to do with your husband being so cautious with you- that was just an all the time James thing.

You smiled at him once you were out of the car and stepped aside so he could close the door.

“Ahhhh!”

“Well, I think I hear Haz” James chuckled at the sound of a muffled shriek.

Looking to the living room window you see little Harry’s hands and excited face smushed up against the glass.

Harry was five years old but he wasn’t your biological son; the story with his real mother is one you don’t care to tell. It involves her, her past lover and death and that’s where you liked to leave it at.

“My babyyy, I missed him so much!” you said with your hands at your heart. As it almost always goes, he wasn’t your biological son but you loved that boy more than anything. The little girl in the carrier might be your first birthed child but she was not what you considered your first child.

Having made your way to the front door, you heard all three of your locks rattle undone and braced yourself for Harry’s high volume welcome.

“Mummy! Daddy! Can I see her?! Can I see her?!” Harry exclaimed, jumping up and down at the sight of you both.

His godfather Sirius stood behind him and shook his head in disbelief. “Those sugary breakfast cereals are tasty and he eats them without complaints but you tell me, is it worth it?” he joked, pointing to the bouncing boy with a faux pensive look.

You giggled at the comment and looked down at Harry. “Yes you can see her but let’s get inside first, okay?” you said with a boop to his nose.

Harry nodded and ran to the living room couch sitting himself nice and straight on the cushion, legs drumming excitedly as he waited for James to bring the carrier over with his new sister.

“Okay Haz, you ready?” James asked, setting the carrier down on the coffee table after Sirius removed two cereal-less, milk filled bowls and took them to the kitchen.

“Yes! Yes!”

“I present to you….Hazel Potter!” James enthused, swiping the blanket away from the front of the carrier like a magician.

Hazel squinted her eyes upon the feel of the newfound light, took one glance at Harry, yawned then closed her eyes again and slightly squirmed back to sleep.

Harry squealed and his hands instantly shot out to, what you assume, grab Hazel’s tiny fisted ones but James stopped him before he got the chance to. “Whoa buddy, gentle, gentle. She’s trying to sleep. We can look at her but let’s let her rest for now.”

Harry groaned a little but smiled when he looked down at Hazel again.

“Mama, she’s so tiny but so big also! I can’t believe she was in your tummy” he commented, voice full of wonder and astonishment.

“Your mum is a real life superwoman, don’t you ever forget that” James told Harry with a gentle ruffle to his hair.

“I won’t!” Harry replied, biting down on his lip to admire Hazel some more.

You gifted James a smile of appreciation as he put his arm around you and kissed your temple.

Although it had been a healthy birth, it still hadn’t been an easy thing for you. You’d always been afraid of pregnancy and all it entailed and James knew that. You braved through a lot these past nine months and he’d never take that for granted for as long as he’d live. But truthfully, fear aside, being able to give your little Harry a sibling and James a second child had without a doubt been one of the greatest pleasures you’ve had in life (along with being James Potter’s wife and the person who Harry called mama of course).

“Hey hey, what do you think of the new sister Haz?” Sirius asked Harry, drying his hands against his pants as he came back into the living room, bending little ways over to take a peek at the little bundle of a baby in the carrier.

Harry smiled and shrugged. “I don’t know. I barely know her...but she is very pretty, like a bakery bread.”

A bakery bread. He was talking about the loaves of bread you and James purchased at the bakery every Saturday morning. Yes … bread.

Sirius cackled and clapped his hands at Harry’s comparison while James failed to suppress a smile as he nodded and squinted his eyes at his son.

“Well that’s very nice of you to say. She is really pretty huh, like a bakery bread” you repeated lovingly, with one hand laying flat against James’s chest.

Harry nodded and giggled at how his words sounded coming from someone else.

“Can we go put her in the crib so she can be better?” Harry then asked.

“That’s a great idea baby, she’ll be a lot more comfortable there won’t she” you praised, understanding exactly what he meant by better.

James removed himself from your side and grabbed the handle of the carrier to pick it up. “C’mon then, let’s go show baby bread her bread box” James joked for his son’s amusement.

Harry of course instantly laughed with joy and ‘helped’ James by placing his small hands at the back of the carrier on the walk up the stairs, meanwhile Sirius thoughtfully stayed behind to accompany you at your slower pace; ever since you’d first met him, he had always acted like such a big brother to you and you loved it.

“You know, I’ve watched those two dote on you endlessly these past three years but by the looks of it, you’re going to have to start sharing them with little Ms. Hazel Potter now” Sirius teased. “She’s beautiful by the way.”

“Well thank you…. and as for the sharing, I’m not going to mind one bit” you replied blissfully. <3

#james potter x reader #dad!james potter #james potter fluff #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter fic #james potter imagine

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moonstruckme · 6 months

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helloooo, i have a request if its possible♡

since we got figure skater! Sirius..... Do you think we could get hockey player! James x figure skater! reader? Maybe they go to the same place but the place where they practice its kinda shitty so its literally kinda like an across the hallway situation where the hockey practice happens on one ice rink and when you leave you can walk thru the ice rink of the figure skaters that its on another section of the place IDK I'M NOT AN ARCHITECT SORRY

BUT THE POINT ITS, that one day James leaves practice later than usual and he's walking to get out but he heards his favorite song playing and he goes to see whats up because its his favorite song ever! and goes to the other ice rink and sees the reader practicing and inmediatly he has the biggest crush ever and its almost dreaming about a house and three kids with that cute girl

idk i think i explained myself like sht but hope you like the idea! cause i think it would be soo cute

Hi lovely, you explained yourself perfectly! Thanks for being so patient with me, I hope this is alright <3

hockey player!James x figure skater!reader ♡ 718 words

James’ entire body is pleasantly sore, and he’s very much looking forward to going home to a nice, hot shower.

“Do you and Moony want to go get breakfast tomorrow morning?” he asks Sirius as they leave the locker room. The two of them had taken longer than usual changing out of their gear, Sirius filling him in on the absolute hell week Remus had at his new job. To hear Sirius talk about it, all the other professors are simply jealous of Remus. James is sure that’s partly true, but he’d bet they need less reason than that. Somehow, James had thought leaving school would mean emerging into a more mature world, but adults seem just as petty as teenagers. Maybe pancakes and a good, uplifting chat would do something to take the sting out of Remus’ first week and help prepare him for the next.

Sirius cuts James a sideways look, gray eyes narrowed. ��Breakfast at what time?”

“I was thinking six, six thirty.” Sirius scoffs, and James grins. “Only joking. How’s eleven?”

“Still too early,” Sirius grumbles, “but we’ll go.”

James bobs his head, pleased to have a course of action for helping his friend. “Ask Moons where he feels like going, and just…” He hears a faint, familiar melody. “...just let me know.”

“Sounds good.” Sirius pushes open the door, but James has stopped. He’s looking back towards the rink, intrigued. “Coming?”

James waves him off. “In a bit. See you tomorrow.”

Sirius makes an amused sound, not unused to James’ diversions, and goes.

James follows the sound of his favorite song, unabashed about bopping his head to the beat as he approaches the rink. He knows figure skaters sometimes use the rink after his hockey practice has wrapped up, and he absolutely has to see who’s choreographed a routine to this. He comes to a stop near the edge of the bleachers, and watches through the tempered glass as one lone skater launches into a turn.

This wouldn’t be the track James would have thought of for a figure skating routine, but frankly, you’re doing it justice. Your movements are springy and nimble as you glance across the ice, one complicated-looking move to the next to the next. It seems like both skates are never touching the ground for more than half a second. There’s a lot to be said, probably, about your skill, your technique, but James is a philistine. All he can think about is how pretty you look.

You’re gorgeous. Stunning. Graceful in your movements and seraphim in your countenance. A wisp of hair has freed itself from the confines of the rest and whips about your face, but you don’t seem to notice it, your gaze steady and lips just slightly pursed in concentration.

James would never tell his friends because they’d mock him to hell and back, but he does believe in love at first sight. Only under particular circumstances, though. The sight has to be good enough—meaning, he has to see some aspect of who that person is behind a pretty face. You certainly do have a pretty face, and you’re dancing to his favorite song, and James doesn’t understand how he could ever be expected to not be totally enamored with you after this one spectacular look. He worries that if you glance over, you’ll see him with giant cartoon hearts boinging out of his eyes on springs.

The song ends, and you spin to a stop. James’ breathing stops, too, as your gaze lands on a point not ten feet to his right. He wonders if he’s being creepy. It’s not like this is a private rink, and James wouldn’t be weirded out if he spotted someone watching him running drills or something (actually, if it were you he’d be over the moon about it), but he’s been told not everyone feels like he does about that stuff. And though he hardly thinks of himself as intimidating, James is also a big guy. He wants to woo you, not spook you.

You skate to the edge of the rink to restart your music, and James slips out. He hears it blaring softly behind him, and he probably looks like a total idiot when he grins and dances out the front door. An idiot in love.

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startanewdream · 3 years

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Written for @efkgirldetective's Summer of Jily Prompt #7 (Ice cream + "I don't want anybody else touching you like I do).

Tumblr exclusive at the moment because I don't have a title and the 'happy ending' part of the 'angst with a happy ending' was lost somewhere.

Rated M.

I will love to hear your thoughts about this!

_______________

She is at the end of her round, going towards his cabin—her friends’ cabin, though Lily knows exactly who she is hoping to meet there—when she hears it.

‘—and Potter, what a waste. He won’t ever join him.’

‘We should just wipe him away. Blood traitor, muggle lover—’

‘You mean mudblood lover, Severus?’ Avery’s voice is tinted with malice and there are snickers around. ‘Potter and Evans seem pretty close nowadays. Do you think she gives him everything she denied you?’

‘I would never filth myself,’ comes Snape’s cold reply. ‘If he is tainting his blood, all the worse for him.’

Taint his blood. Is this what Lily’s presence does to James? Is she putting him in a danger he didn’t need to be just by being closer to him?

It’s Snape’s words and she shouldn’t listen to him—the days where she would hear him, would admire him, are long gone—but when she finally reaches the cabin (when James grins at the sight of her, bright and warm, and her heart skips a beat and Lily has to smile back), she sits away from James.

‘Anything wrong?’ he asks, familiar enough to read the tension on her face.

‘No, all normal,’ Lily says, and it’s the first lie.

______

II.

It’s summer and everyone is out of age now and apparating makes things so easy that Lily finds herself less and less at home during that break.

She tells herself it’s because she is avoiding the presence of her sister’s annoying fiance; she blames the fact that Dorcas has a beach house and it’s so much better spending days swimming and tanning; she even goes introspective to blame the pressure of the war looming over them in a way that means she needs to enjoy the last summer break before real life gets them.

But she knows the reason is James.

She finds herself gravitating towards him, unable to resist that attraction even as she knows how dangerous it is for him. Once or twice Lily thinks of telling him about it, of warning how he is stupidly raising his stakes by being near her, but she gives up only for the fact that this (might drive him away and she doesn't want it, not really) would probably just make him want to be even closer to her.

And they are already alarmingly close.

Once Lily would have been repulsed by that idea, but one year later everything has changed—James has changed—and everything about him appeals to her. The way he cares for everyone around him. The way he smiles patiently whenever he is explaining something. The way he grins as if to invite the world to share a great funny joke with him. How he runs his hand through his hair when he’s nervous. How he is so expansive that he seems to occupy any room he is in. How he loves flying, even more than Quidditch, and how relaxed he seems when he is on a broom. How he talks to her, taking it seriously when she needs to and making a joke when things get too serious. How he opens up about his own life and doubts and listens to her.

That would make them friends, really good friends, but then Lily’s heart would not stop racing when he’d touched her hand, or when their knees would bump while sitting closely in the library and then she was forced to note all the physical aspects—the muscles of his arms, the shape of full lips, the line of his jaw, the hazel kaleidoscope of his eyes and how fit he was—and give up any belief her feelings were limited to a friendship.

She fancies him, okay.

Except it’s not okay, because it’s dangerous and by now Lily is positive that James knows it too. Everyone knows it.

They end up together, just the two of them, a lot during that summer. It takes Lily a few days to realize it’s not a coincidence that her interests never align with those of her friends—if she wants to swim, somehow it’s only her and James in the sea; at night, even though it’s still so warm, they are the only ones who venture into the pool for a midnight swim, while the others stay stubbornly indoors.

When Lily suggests going to town to grab an ice cream, somehow James is the only one who is in the mood for it, despite the heat.

It’s not on purpose from his part—at least that’s how Lily sees it—but he isn’t refusing her company either and neither is she refusing his, so James’ boldness flourishes that summer. It’s not cocky as it once would be, it’s just a quiet acceptance that something is finally happening between them as if he never stopped believing it would be possible. Lily feels it when he throws his arm around her shoulders when they are sitting close, almost absently, almost not noticing when Lily lays her head over his shoulder; it’s there when he openly gawks the first time he sees her in a swimming suit, only to be nudged in the ribs by Sirius and then complimenting her ('good thing you wear robes at school, Evans, or there wouldn’t be much schoolwork done'). It’s definitely there when he intertwines their hands, pulling her to the sea with him.

And it’s there when they are sitting closer than they would need for a bench so wide, watching seagulls flying over the sea, each one holding an ice cream.

‘Chocolate chips with chocolate cover and chocolate sprinkles,’ James teases. ‘I think you have an addiction, Lily.’

‘Guilty,’ she replies, not ashamed at all, proving her ice cream and very aware of how James is staring at her. ‘It’s better than asking for vanilla ice cream.’

‘Hey!’ He would look deeply offended if not for the grin on his lips. ‘I’ll let you know vanilla is the best flavour.’

‘Never took you for a vanilla guy, James.’

‘What would take me for? The adventurous gorgeous type?’

Lily laughs, but she doesn’t answer. She doesn’t want to lie to him and deny it.

‘Attractive mysterious type, then?’ he insists. ‘Handsome scoundrel?’

‘I notice your beauty is enhanced a lot.’

‘My beauty? So you admit that I’m beautiful, Evans?’

‘Do I need to? You seem to already know it.’

‘I enjoy hearing you saying all the same,’ he says, and though James shrugs easily she can sense the shift in his eyes, the nervous glint there. ‘That means we would make a beautiful couple.’

‘We would,’ she whispers, still not wanting to lie.

She turns back her attention to the ice cream, already melting under the scorching sun. It makes a mess, and James laughs as she tries to lick the ice cream out of her hands, but then his laugh dies and she watches him swallow slowly, reacting. He always reacts to her.

She licks her lips now, and he also watches this movement, the grin on his face replaced by concentration—no, determination, a fierce look and Lily knows what James will do even before he raises his hand to slide his thumb at the corner of her mouth.

‘You missed here,’ he says, and though he must have wiped off the ice cream already, his caress remains.

His eyes are dark now, even under the sunlight, and he registers how Lily hasn’t stepped back, how she raises her head just the slightest to get closer to him. His gaze strays to her lips, Lily blinks, and then James looks back at her.

‘Lily,’ he says, and it’s a question.

‘James,’ she says, and it’s the only answer she can give him.

His lips find hers and in the bright darkness that surrounds Lily when she closes her eyes, she can see everything in colour. The white of his taste of vanilla. The green of his perfume that reminds her of early mourning in the woods. The brown of his skin as he pulls her closer, one hand holding the back of her neck and the other hand finding hers, locking their fingers together. The red of her blood pumping furiously through her veins, so loud and unstoppable.

And she sees him, messy dark hair, hazel bright eyes, her own sun.

But when they break apart, when she watches him keeping his eyes closed a second longer—savouring it, remembering it—, all that comes to her mind it’s the warning.

Taint his blood.

Her smile falters.

‘James,’ she whispers, all warmth of the day gone, hating everything but herself so much more when he opens his eyes and they are filled with hope. ‘This doesn’t mean anything.’

And this is the second lie she tells him.

___________

III.

Summer is over as far as Lily is concerned, but they still have two weeks in which she forces a smile up to her lips that doesn’t fool anyone.

Everyone knows something happened, though no one knows exactly what, and Lily feels too tired to pretend everything is normal. James barely acknowledges her when they are in the same room, and in the few occasions their eyes meet, there is nothing of that familiarity that he once thrived to share with her. He looks confused and hurt.

Lily could deal with the confusion but she is powerless against the hurt. She is the one who damaged him after all.

Their friends are mostly adamant in letting them deal with the situation, one notable exception being Sirius Black, but Lily didn’t expect anything less from him. He watches her rather resentfully in the first days, and Lily starts looking for excuses to avoid attending the events she had carefully arranged with them (with James, sitting by the edge of the lake, holding a scroll against his back as they wrote everything they would do, laughing and planning and hoping).

The summer days are hot, unbearably hot, and the breeze that comes through the window of her room isn’t enough. She could cast a Cooling Charm, but her wand is far away and the fact that she can cast spells outside school has lost its appeal now. She doesn't even celebrate when her school letter comes with a badge attached to it.

Most of the time Lily just stares at the ceiling of her room, finding patterns in the painting that aren’t really there, too strained and too tired to avoid being even more strained—her mind keeps replaying the moment James leaned closer, the brief moment his breath tingled her skin and the softness of his lips over hers, and Lily has no strength to avoid it. She is addicted to it, to the one thing she had a taste of and cannot have again.

Five days into hiding (she is hiding, Lily won’t deny it), her sister knocks on her door to tell her unceremoniously that one of her freak friends has come to visit her.

‘Hurry, I don’t want Vernon finding him when he arrives,’ Petunia tells her, and Lily ignores her completely.

Him, she said. Him, Lily thinks, and her mind conjures James sitting on the couch of her parents’ living room, a grin on his lips as he charms his way with her parents (he charmed her, Lily doesn’t see what challenge her parents would present), accepting a cup of tea and looking around trying to understand all the muggle contraptions in that muggle house—

Muggle lover. All the worse for him.

She rushes downstairs, her heart pounding on her head, her mouth dry with the excuses she will have to present (go away, just go away) but it’s not James after all.

Sirius looks even more out of place than the James she imagined inside her head, standing with his arms crossed in that pastel living room, and with an unhappy grimace on his lips. He turns at the sound of her, his grey eyes burning disapprovingly—and then, as he stares at her, his expression shifts.

‘You are a mess, Evans.’

Self-consciousness washes over her, and Lily runs her hand through her hair—or tries to, because it gets stuck in the knots of her messy braid. She knows she hasn’t changed clothes ever since she woke up, though it’s nearly midday, so she does the only thing she can: she presses her lips, crosses her arms and tries to look unfazed.

‘I wasn’t expecting a visit,’ she says. It’s summer break, she can do nothing all day.

‘I didn’t even mean your appearance. It was more your… aura.’

‘Aura,’ she repeats, a tiny part of her finding this amusing, but Lily can’t muster strength enough to break a smile. ‘Very mystical, Sirius.’

‘That’s me, master of occult arts. But in this case, I just needed to look at you. You—you look miserable.’

‘Thanks. If that’s all you wanted to say—’

‘Oh, no, I came here to give you a piece of my mind about how you broke my best friend’s heart, but you look somehow worse than him. What’s going on?’

Lily shrugs. ‘Nothing.’

‘So you just decided to play with his feelings and ditch him the moment he corresponded?’

His words are a poison that crawls through her skin, entering it slowly but certain; Lily feels it reaching her bloodstream, spreading through every part of her body, until the poison finds her heart. She thought she was oblivious to pain after the last days, but she was wrong.

‘I wasn’t playing with his feelings,’ she whispers, her voice hoarse, so close to breaking.

‘Then what? I thought—everyone thought—you fancied him too. Merlin, Evans, that boy was in love with you.’

The worst part is that Lily knows it. It was not a play to James, it never was. She saw it in the way his face lighted up at the sight of her, how eager he was to become friends once Lily first extended her peace flag. She saw how his eyes always looked first for her in any room he entered, how he’d find any reason to stay closer.

And she saw everything because she was paying attention.

Of course she was. One does not fall in love also if not paying attention.

‘I don’t know what to say, Sirius,’ Lily says truthfully. ‘I am sorry for all the confusion I’ve caused.’

‘Sorry is not enough.’

‘I know.’

Sirius watches her with something that borders on disappointment now. ‘You better find a way of fixing this, Evans.’

‘I—I don’t know how. I’m trying to keep my distance—’

‘And how is that helping you two?’

It’s not, Lily knows, and that’s the point. She can’t explain to James what is the problem and she is afraid that if she sees him again, if her determination falters her for one second—

‘We are going to have a party tomorrow night,’ Sirius says, his voice leaving no room for argument. ‘Dorcas’ house. It’s a goodbye party, we even invited the muggle neighbours. You’ll come, you’ll find James and you’ll talk. Fix this.’

‘I can’t.’

‘You better find a way, Evans, because that thing of keeping your distance? Well, Hogwarts letter came yesterday. Let me guess, you are Head Girl.’

Lily nods, not understanding where Sirius is heading with this.

‘Guess who’s Head Boy this year?’

____________

Lily hears the music as soon as she disapparates near Dorcas’ house. People, young people around her age, are walking towards the house and she joins the flow letting herself get lost in that stream of people, hoping it’s enough to not draw attention to her presence.

It’s useless. As soon as she crosses the doorway, Dorcas cries for her, her voice louder than the music, and then people look at her curiously.

‘Merlin, Lily!’ Dorcas cries, ignoring everyone in the room to whom that sentence makes no sense. ‘I thought I would need to invade the Prefect’s Cabin to see you again.’

‘Sorry, sorry,’ Lily says, accepting Dorcas’ hug, and using it as an excuse to avoid looking around. ‘I had stuff to do.’

It’s vague, it’s almost a lie, and Dorcas is on the edge of discussing it when Lily says she is going to get a drink, leaving the room.

When she reaches the kitchen, Lily considers that having herself questioned by Dorcas was preferable, because of course she runs into James at the first opportunity.

And of course he already has a company.

He is with his back to her, holding a bottle of beer in his hand while he talks with a pretty dark-haired girl. In another time Lily would find amusing how James obviously has no idea what he’s talking about—muggle rock bands, a subject that Sirius would fare better—, but she can’t break a smile right now, because she sees that James is trying.

That’s what he is doing with that unknown girl. He is making a real effort to keep a conversation, trying to understand what she is saying; he is trying to look interesting, to gather her attention.

Ten days, she thinks selfishly. We kissed ten days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it and you are flirting with another girl.

He must sense her staring; he turns around, and his eyes find her for a brief second before Lily bolts through the door (she is running, and she won’t deny it), grabbing the first bottle she sees on her way out.

Sirius must have lied to her (you broke my best friend’s heart), because James looks normal. Not hurt anymore, just… normal. Not like he used to like her in those first glorious days of the summer—bright and hopeful and awaiting—but as if she is just anyone else. Ordinary.

It’s fair, all things considered. She couldn’t expect him to remain in love with the girl who kissed him then rejected him. But she sees it, clearly as day, what the future holds: James will move on whatever he feels for her (that boy was in love with you) and then he will do with someone else everything he used to do with her—that inviting grins, the glint in his eyes, throwing his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, so… intimate. Familiar. Hers.

He will share with others what used to be hers.

She leaves the house, in search of a quiet place at the beach to sit on, and looks at the bottle in her hands. Wine. Not good. She will take forever to get drunk on wine and afterwards the headache won’t even be worth it.

But it’s all she has and James is somewhere in that house flirting with a girl (that’s not her) that didn’t reject him and he has every right to do it. Even if it’s a muggle girl. Even if the reason Lily is not with him is that she is muggleborn.

It’s ironic and it’s sad, but it’s not the same. This is a one-night thing. It’s the end of the summer, he’s probably just looking for the last bit of carefree summer adventure as the single guy he is. They will just dance with each other, close together, enjoying their freedom, finding a secluded room, and he will touch the corner of her lips, asking, and she will say yes because that’s the only answer she can give him.

It won’t mean anything, but this time it will be true and this time James won’t get hurt by it.

Maybe Lily should do the same. Not to get even, but to start her own way forward. She can’t be harbouring her feelings for him—wasn’t that the point of not advancing things? Wasn’t that why she lied to him? (That kiss had meant everything)

She takes a sip of the wine, then another and one more for good measure, and she rises, almost colliding with him. Of course.

‘Hey,’ he says awkwardly, arms extended to steady her. It lasts less than a second, but his hands over her arms burn all the same, stronger than the heat any day of that summer.

‘Hi.’

He is looking at a point over her head, unable to meet her eyes, his hand lifting the hair at the back of his head and Lily remembers running her fingers through the strands of his hair while they were kissing, enjoying the fact that for once she was the one messing it.

‘Look, I’m just gonna say it, okay?’ James says in a rush, not as when he is excitedly talking about something he finds interesting. ‘I’m sorry for—for everything.’

Everything. What does it mean?

‘I am too,’ she answers carefully. He takes a deep breath.

‘I heard we are going to be Heads this year—I don’t know what Dumbledore was thinking, really—and I don’t want things to be weird between us.’

Weird. Things were never weird between them before. They weren’t friends, then Lily barely stood him, then they were acquaintances, then they were friends, then they were flirting with each other and then they were so close to something.

But never weird.

Somehow this notion helps to clear the fog in her head.

‘I don’t want it either,’ Lily says, and there is no doubt in her voice. James seems to breathe again with her words.

‘Good.’ There is a moment of silence. ‘Can we forget everything and go back to being just friends?’

Lily steels herself. She takes a look at James’ face—his eyes are on her forehead now, almost meeting her eyes but not yet ready—, one last look to admire him in the darkness of the beach and she is not lying when she says: ‘We can.’

By the end of the night it will be a lie, though, and that’s number three.

___________

They are trying and because no one tries better than James Potter, they are almost achieving it.

They go back to the house, keeping a safe distance between them so no one could misinterpret it, but whatever their friends see in their faces seems to relax everyone. Lily and James are fine, they believe, they are over that weird thing between them, and Lily starts believing it too.

She can do it.

A bottle of gin finds its way towards her group and the music is exciting. It’s a party, she is on a party, and it’s easy to join Dorcas in the middle of a dance, and it’s even easier when Dorcas is replaced by a cute muggle boy who doesn’t look anything like James (that’s why it’s easier—it takes only one second for her to look for any similarity and find none and it’s so easy).

She wonders if that’s why James was talking to that dark-haired girl. If he was avoiding finding Lily in someone else too.

But that’s a bad thought, it’s not a thought of someone who’s trying (and Lily is, she swears), so she accepts his arms, let who-knows-his-name twirl her around the room, but when he leans in to kiss her, she laughs and diverts—she is trying, but it takes small steps, so she says something about getting another drink and goes to the next room.

That’s a mistake.

A big, big mistake.

She finds them sitting close together on a couch that should only fit one, joining some silly drinking game. His arm is around her shoulders, holding a glass that’s nearly finished; they are laughing and as Lily watches it, the girl leans closer to speak something in his ear, her hand playing with the curls of his hair as she speaks. It takes a full second, but he grins, turning to her and winking.

It could be nothing, it could be just some joke, but it’s not harmless, Lily knows it. It’s a flirt, and James has every right to do it; he is free and Lily has just told him they can be friends. Friends don’t get jealous. Friends don’t get their hearts ripped out with the sight of the other smiling happily at someone else.

Lily can’t do it at all.

So she turns away and runs once more (she’s getting quite good at it by now), sprinting upstairs in search of an empty room, somewhere where she can rest until she can breathe again, until she can rearrange her expression into something normal enough for her to come back to the party, find that blond guy who is not James and enjoy her summer break as he is doing right now.

Until she can pretend everything is normal.

‘Lily?’

His voice breaks the silence of that room—though Lily knows she would have heard it anyway—and it sends a wave of panic through her body. She is not ready. She can’t look at him and still keep her promise.

James doesn’t know about her troubles—he is trying after all, and he is so much better at this than Lily will ever be—so he walks towards her, takes a look at her face and kneels in front of her.

‘Are you okay?’

‘No,’ she says, unable to lie. He would see through her anyway.

‘I saw you leaving—what happened?’

‘I need more time. I can’t...’

‘Can’t what?’ She doesn’t answer. James sighs. ‘Are you drunk? Come on, rest a little, I will bring you some water—’

‘I’m not drunk,’ Lily says. Another truth. ‘I just need—I want—’

‘What?’

In answer, she raises her hand and lets her fingers comb his hair. He shivers, his breath catching, his eyes widening and he holds her arm to stop the movement. Nervous. Insecure. She can’t fault him. They’ve been there before, at the edge of something, and she accepted only to turn him away a second later.

‘What are you doing?’

It’s a demand more than a question, and Lily attends it. ‘I don’t want anybody else touching you like I do. It’s mine.’

Her voice is ferocious and unfair and Lily waits for his cold reply, the one she deserves—she has no right to claim any part of him—, but it never comes. Instead, James blinks.

‘Then take it,’ he challenges. Lily does.

Her lips crash over his, and this time is not soft or patient. It’s desperate and when she tastes the whiskey in his mouth, she understands the difference and gladly accepts it. His hands are everywhere—holding her waist, climbing under her skirt, running through her hair to pull her closer—but what somehow stays with her it’s the moment he closes the door and then they are alone and the darkness is their friend.

The darkness makes it easy, embarrassingly easy, for her to break the kiss enough to lift his shirt and for him to slide her dress down and for them to find their way to the bed. He holds her, his lips incessantly, and a part of Lily wonders if he doesn’t want to break apart for fear of what happened the last time he did it.

But the majority of her is too wrapped in the feelings he is bringing to worry about anything. She accepts him, accepts every caress he distributes openly, and returns it eagerly. She tastes the saltiness of his skin, feels every muscle of his chest—the ones she has memorized after so many days at the beach though she had only imagined how they would feel under her fingers—, presses herself closer to him. His hands are exploring her—he saw her at the beach too—and then his mouth replaces his hands and the moan that escapes her lips is true.

She pulls him up, tasting her own sweat on his lips—it was a warm day and it’s a warmer night—and her hands work on the button of his jeans. There is a moment of hesitation—he breaks away, his eyes boring into hers even as the darkness barely allows them to see each other—and then it’s gone. He pulls her last piece of cloth then stands up long enough to take out his last one and then there is only them.

Only Lily and James, except they don’t feel like two anymore. They are one and in the darkness, Lily sees those colours that are so James once more, fireworks whose sounds are moans and short breaths and names whispered so low that the other could pretend they didn’t hear.

But Lily hears it and it’s hers. He is hers for that moment and she is his.

She lied before (and now she knows it). She can’t forget him. She can’t be just friends. James is bright sunny days, cosy cold nights and she longs to share it all with him (she couldn’t, but her mind can’t recall why right now). She locks her hand with his, her nails burying into his skin, and Lily doesn’t want to let go.

He holds her hand, pressing it so hard that she can’t feel circulation there anymore, and then he cries her name, this time impossible to deny it. He called her.

It’s not the last time he will do it tonight. He presses another kiss to her lips—it’s feverish and urgent and somehow even more desperate than the first one—, rests his forehead against her catching his breath and Lily enjoys the moment, enjoys that pleasure and soreness that runs through her body, enjoys how her chest brushes against his as she breathes, slower each time, recovering.

Recover. As if she could.

James breaks apart, rolling to the side and for a moment there is silence, the music distant, the world distant until it’s not anymore, until the world seems too close and the air too heavy, not one breeze to refresh it. Lily thinks of opening the window—it’s already opened, the wind bringing the smell of the sea to the room—when she realizes it’s not the air that feels wrong.

It’s them. No, it’s him.

‘James,’ she calls, panic and fear trembling her voice, coldness spreading through her skin in a way that it should not be possible, not on this summer day.

She can hear him rising from the bed, grabbing his clothes.

‘Lily,’ he answers shortly, opening briefly the door and she can’t see his face. ‘I know, it doesn’t mean anything.’

And that’s James Potter's first lie.

#Summer of Jily #efkgirldetective #Jily #Jily Fanfiction #James and Lily #read it like the first chapter but don't wait for the second one #i wrote this in one go because it couldn't leave my mind

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kohanayaki · 3 years

Text

.:Time and Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 3

Continuing the story of how you and Sirius became friends; as James and Remus grow closer to you, Sirius continues to treat you coldly until a late night encounter makes him question everything.

LINKS: CH 1 CH 2 CH 3 CH 4 CH 5 CH 6 CH 7 CH 8

________________________________________________________

Ch 3 .:Resistance and Reconciliation:.

~Previously~

“I'm not going to bother making friends with someone whose family is so wrapped up in blood politics they forget to be human beings first. Trust me, I've met their mother enough times to know.”

“Did you ever ask them about it?” Remus pressed.

“I don't really need to, do I? They're a (L/n). Open your eyes, Moony!”

Remus' brow furrowed, a shine in his eyes akin to sympathy as he regarded Sirius.

“Perhaps it's you that needs to clear your vision, friend.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1974 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sirius sat on the stone ledge on the window of his dorm room, looking out towards the Black Lake. He could see the push and pull of the wind as the thin branches of the ash trees bowed gently with the rhythm. In the reflection of the glass he could see James and Peter behind him experimenting with an altered set of wizard's chess, complete with fire-breathing knights and bishops that threw daggers, while one of Remus' records spun in the background.

Despite everything he could have been thinking about at the moment, his thoughts, irritatingly enough, drifted to you. He frowned slightly as he leaned his shoulder against the window, annoyed that you occupied even a portion of his mind. He just couldn't understand you. Somehow you had turned James, who had once openly proclaimed you his sworn enemy, into something close to a friend in the span of a year. You had no qualms with pranks pulled on you, yet you were fiercely protective when they were directed at others. You were always smiling, yet your temper took no prisoners. If you weren't a Slytherin you might even be attractive.

The thought made him bolt upright. Where the hell did that come from? He almost laughed. No. Absolutely not. He was Sirius Black, he could get anyone he wanted in this bloody school, and he certainly wasn't going to busy his mind with you. What the hell was wrong with him? It's not like he noticed the way you smiled to yourself when you were reading, or the fact that the sound of your laugh got stuck in his head like a song—

No. Stop it. Get your head straight, they're evil.

Sirius exhaled deeply, rubbing his tired eyes with his hands. For some reason that thought didn't sit right in his brain, and the longer he sat with it he came to a horrifying conclusion:

Maybe Remus was right.

The only time you'd really been nasty to them was when they'd instigated it first, or whenever they had a go at Snivelus, which had become less and less frequent; Sirius suspected because of your tentative friendship with James. He'd always just assumed you were like the other Slytherins he'd come to know. There's been hearsay circulating around you, especially given your family's reputation, but you yourself hadn't really done anything to prove the rumors. Maybe you really weren't like your family at all. Maybe you were like him. . .

Suddenly, he caught movement in the corner of his eye, not from his friend's reflections but from outside the window itself. A figure emerged from the lamplight of the castle gate, making their way towards the edge of the forest. If the green lining of your school robes and (h/c) hair didn't peak his interest, the flash that he saw of your face as you shot a quick glance over your shoulder confirmed it was you.

Sirius' mind began racing as he watched you disappear into the foliage, and suddenly every thought that had given you the benefit of the doubt vanished. He'd heard the rumors about the gatherings in the forest, everyone had. He'd even caught Snape practicing dark magic there himself one of the first nights they'd used the Shrieking Shack passageway.

He jumped off his perch by the window and grabbed a sheet of parchment and a quill, drawing a rough outline of the perimeter of the forest. He labeled the Black Lake so his spell would have a going off point and pressed his wand to the still drying ink.

“Revelare Popularis,”

The enchantment was a work in progress— a technique he'd learned from a seventh year. It wasn't exact, but it was enough to tell him if anyone else was in the forest right now. His eyes darted across the paper as he scanned his makeshift map, and the color drained from his face as he saw names suddenly appear in a cluster by the lake: Mulciber, Wilkes, Avery, and Malfoy.

Was this it? Were you really one of them?

James looked up from his game as he saw Sirius grab his leather jacket off where it hung from his bedpost.

“Going somewhere?”

“(L/n) just went into the forest,” Sirius said, “I'm following them.”

“Why, Sirius?” Remus said sardonically, having had enough of his unusual grudge against you, “We're not really ones to talk when it comes to sneaking around the forest at night, now are we?”

“He's got a point,” James said, “I mean, what do you think you're going to see?”

“What do I think?” Sirius scoffed, pushing the paper into Jame's hands, “what does it look like?”

James looked down at the parchment blankly.

“What am I looking at?”

“A variation on Revelio,” Sirius explained quickly, “if you have a location in mind it shows you who's there, but only at the time the charm is cast.”

“Are you kidding me?” James' jaw nearly dropped, “You're just now showing this to us? We could have been taking advantage of this spell to dodge Filch this whole time!”

“I'm serious.”

James had to fight hard not to make a joke out of that one.

“If (L/n)'s meeting up with those guys it can't be for anything good,” Sirius continued, “and I'm gonna find out exactly why.”

Before any of the boys could get another word in, Sirius took off running down the corridor. James groaned, rebelling against the urge to slam his head into the wall.

“I've got to stop him before he does something stupid,” he said, pulling a coat on over his shoulders, “You with me, Remus?”

“Probably not the best idea,” Lupin reminded him, “the moon's full tomorrow. I won't turn, but in the direct moonlight I may get a bit. . . well, you know.”

“Right,” James sighed, running a hand through his hair in distress, “Peter?”

The boy jolted as he was addressed, his eyes quickly cast down to his twiddling fingers.

“I. . . w-well. . .”

“Fine,” James said, waving them off in annoyance, “I'll go at him alone.”

___________________________________________________

You took a grateful breath of the crisp night air, letting the wind whistle through your hair and clothes. You loved your common room, but it could feel constricting at times, especially when there were nights as beautiful as this taking place.

Your eyes drifted up to the moon, smiling at the sight of it. It was nearly full, only a sliver of white missing from the very edge of the sphere. The sight alone was enough to make you feel more at home in your own skin, an inexplicable sense of comfort washing over you. You hadn't been able to really let loose and just run in so long. You'd made doubly sure no one had followed you into the forest, but you still gave your surroundings a quick once over. You jumped as the sound of leaves crunching suddenly asserted itself behind you and you lit your wand quickly, turning to see who it was.

“. . . Black?”

“Sorry, were you expecting someone else? One of your pureblood friends, maybe?”

The confused look on your face only made his anger flare.

“Don't act coy,” he asked harshly, “just what are you playing at?”

Your back straightened in surprise, taken aback by his words.

“Excuse me?”

“I've seen you talking to my brother, Rosier, Snivelus, and all those other Slytherins. Don't think I don't know what you're doing,” the words flew out of his mouth before they had time to pass through his brain, every irrational irritation he had regarding you spewing out of him at once, “I've had to sit through it, you know. All those dinners where my parents talk blood politics with all the fanatics who think just like them. I've listened to your mother brag all about your pure blood line and how her child is 'so eager to carry on the family traditions'. So whatever you're planning by getting close to James, I'm not going to let it happen.”

You felt like you were frozen in place, staring at him as your throat tightened into knots.

“My mom?” you said, voice suddenly small, “Sirius. . . my mom passed away when I was little.”

Your words hit the Gryffindor like a truck.

“. . . what?” he asked dumbly, his brain delaying slightly in processing what you'd just said.

“She got sick. . . an experimental spell gone wrong. If you met someone with my family's name that spoke like that, it was probably my aunt. My cousin goes to Ilvermorny. That's the child she's talking about, not me. The divide between purebloods and muggleborns is even more severe in America, if you can believe it. . . ”

Sirius faltered, this new information going against everything he'd heard and thought he knew about you and your family.

“But,” he hesitated, “your father—”

“Put up the image he had to in order to keep me safe,” you said. You knew he was documented as being very open about his pureblood pride and distaste towards muggles, but it was a cover more than anything, “Since he stopped speaking with my aunt and moved us both away from the estate, she's acted as the new head of the (L/n) House, and that was years ago. . .”

You trailed off awkwardly, not feeling very self-righteous in your explanation.

“I know my family doesn't have the best reputation. . . that's probably why you hate me, huh?” you chuckled humorlessly, wincing at how harsh the words came out. But if you were honest, you were hurt that out of everyone in their group, Sirius was the one that didn't even seem to want to give you a chance. You were the one who had extended the olive branch in the first place on the condition that they ease up on Severus.

“Hate you?” Sirius echoed hollowly, feeling guilt creep up on him like a shadow, “that's. . . shit, no, that's not—”

“Everte Statum!”

You gasped as Sirius was suddenly shot backwards, his body flipping wildly through the air from the force before being slammed against the trunk of a nearby tree. His head spun, heavily disoriented as his vision shifted in shades.

You had drawn your wand on instinct, looking around for your attackers when you saw a black-clad figure lift their hood, revealing a long mane of white hair that stood out starkly in the night.

Malfoy.

“Well, looky here,” Mulciber taunted, revealing himself behind you, “we've caught the two biggest blood traitors of the last century having a touching little moment together.”

Laughter echoed from the trees, Wilkes emerging from the shadows. You took up a defensive position as their group surrounded you.

“Now, let's not be hasty, Mulciber,” Lucius said, “their father may have disgraced their house, yes, but they didn't have a choice. It's not too late for them to make the right one now.” His lips turned up into a snarl as he regarded Sirius, “get away from that blood traitor, (L/n), he'll rub off on you.”

You grit your teeth hard, preparing to cast a spell when Malfoy put his hand up in a silencing gesture, the pretentious little prat.

“Ah, you don't want to make any rash moves either, (L/n),” he said, looking to your left. You followed his gaze to see Avery coming out of the foliage, grappling with someone under his arm.

“Potter?!”

James smiled weakly as Avery held him in a choke hold, a bit of blood dripping down the side of his head.

“Hey,” he said, humor still light in his voice, “So, this didn't exactly work out as planned.” He groaned as Avery's elbow was driven into his stomach, effectively silencing him.

As soon as you tried to move towards him, Lucius had his wand pointed at you.

“Let him go and get lost, Malfoy,” you said lowly, “you've taken this far enough.”

“You've been avoiding us, (L/n),” Lucius said, ignoring you entirely, “Snape may have come up with some rubbish excuses for you earlier, but you can't keep running from this.”

“If practicing curses on first years and terrorizing other people is how you plan on using magic, then I don't want any part of your little cult,” you spat, “face it, Malfoy— you lot need me, but I don't need you.”

Lucius exhaled sharply, his genuine surprise at your resistance replaced quickly with anger.

“Think about what you're doing, (L/n),” he said, his eyes narrowing dangerously, “don't be a fool like your father.”

That did it.

With a growl you unleashed an orange bolt of energy from your wand, your Stupefy hitting Lucius square in the chest. Mulciber was quick to retaliate with a jinx of his own, which you quickly nullified with a shield charm. Shock flashed across his expression at your casual use of nonverbal magic, and he recovered one second too late.

Sirius was back on his feet, petrifying Mulciber and swatting Wilkes away like a fly with the knockback jinx before either could cast a spell at you. You and Sirius found yourselves back to back, fending off Lucius as he continued to direct a steady stream of curses in your direction. Sirius managed to create an opening for you and you turned to where James was being held.

“Evanossa!”

A flash of blue hit Avery, who shrieked in horror when he saw that the arm he was using to hold Potter had turned gelatinous, fingers drooping down like melting ice cream. James wasted no time paying him back in kind for roughing him up earlier, sending him flying into the oak tree and using the water from the Black Lake to freeze him there before joining you in the fray.

“Expelliarmus!” he called out, sending Wilke's wand spinning out of his reach and leaving only Malfoy against the three of you.

Lucius faltered for a moment as he stared down your group of three, but held fast.

“Leave it, Malfoy,” you said, “it's over.”

He growled under his breath, taking up an obvious offensive stance, but you were too quick.

“Ebublio!”

Lucius gasped as he suddenly found himself encased in a giant bubble, his knockback jinx ricocheting off the inside and hitting him in the back of the head. He pounded against the bubble in frustration but found it to be thick as Plexiglas and just as strong, unable to pop it. Suddenly, he was hoisted into the air as you raised your wand higher, directing him farther and farther away until he was hovering directly over the Black Lake.

“Let me go this instant!” he growled.

A devilish smile graced your features.

“You got it.”

“No, wait, don't you dar—AHH!!”

You turned your back on him, your breaking eye contact promptly bursting the bubble and sending him flailing into the water a few feet below.

You chuckled as you sent a few quick counter-jinxes out from your wand, restoring Mulciber's range of motion and liquefying the ice that trapped Avery.

As soon as Mulciber was unpetrified he took off running towards the Lake where Lucius was furiously treading water, tripping over his feet as he dragged Wilkes along with him. Avery limped after them, defrosted but still chilled to his bones (which you had been so kind to also restore).

“I'd fish him out quickly if I were you,” you called after them, “the giant squid is more active at night.”

“You're out of your mind, (L/n)!” Avery turned around and yelled, but with fear evident in his eyes, “You'll live to regret this, mark my words. The Headmaster—”

“Would love to know who cast the first spell, I'm sure,” you said darkly.

Avery stammered out some lame response under his breath before turning around and running after the rest of group, retreating.

Sirius turned to look at you, awestruck and chocked full of adrenaline. Maybe you really weren't so bad after all.

“That was. . .” James trailed off, grasping for the words and blurting them out as soon as he found them, “Brilliant, (Y/n). You're bloody brilliant.”

You felt your face heat up, not expecting that. You and James had stopped trading insults and threats (serious ones, anyways) and your teasing had become well meant, but neither of you had crossed the threshold of actually paying the other a compliment before.

“Thanks, Potter,” you said, unable to fight the smile on your face. You turned to Sirius briefly. “I hope this cleared some things up for us,” you said, “I'd really like to try and be friends, so. . .”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, wanting to kick himself at the way you turned him into a monosyllabic neanderthal with just a look. You gave him a small smile before turning back to James who was trying desperately to hide his limp and aching rib cage.

“Alright, let's get you to the hospital wing, Potter,” you sighed, “you look like a cheap action star in a muggle movie.”

“Uh,” James said nervously, “better we not. If I go to Madame Pomfrey three times in one day she'll never let me hear the end of it.”

“And who's fault is that?” You huffed, slinging an arm over his shoulder and helping him walk, “at least let me patch you up, then.”

Sirius followed some distance behind you, watching as you walked James back towards the castle and laughed at his occasional jokes. This one night had just turned everything upside down for Sirius. This whole time he was sure that he didn't like you because you were a blood-purist Slytherin and he was jealous that you were taking his best friend away from him; but the way you had stood up to Lucius and his goons made your position on blood politics very clear, and the tight feeling that struck Sirius' chest as he watched you cozy up with James made him reevaluate just which one of you he was jealous of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sirius?”

The man blinked, slowly coming back to reality. You were looking up at him in concern, your head resting lightly on his shoulder. It took an embarrassing amount of his willpower to keep from leaning forward just a few inches and kissing you.

Could you pick a worse time, you numbskull? He thought, mentally smacking himself for even thinking about it.

“Are you okay?” you asked hesitantly after he stayed silent.

“I'm alright,” he insisted, giving you a reassuring smile, “just. . . thinking about how far we've come.”

His answer surprised you, though not in a bad way.

“I suppose we have,” you smiled back, “this is a far cry from you scowling at me from across the Great Hall over your breakfast.”

“I did not scowl,” Sirius scoffed playfully, nudging you away with his shoulder.

“Right,” you grinned, “scowling, glaring, glowering, whichever you prefer.”

“I said I was sorry,” he said, putting his hands up in mock surrender, although you both knew you weren't really upset about it. You'd long since forgiven him for his initial misjudgment.

When your light laughter died down, your head found itself lulling to the side again, tiredness taking over your mind as you rested against Sirius once more. When you tilted your head up to look at him he had a surprisingly pensive look on his face. Your eyes traveled across his expression, his gray eyes almost taking on a deep shade of blue in the shadows of his room. You noticed how much younger he looked when he was smiling; it was in moments like these when it really set in how long you had known each other, because you could see the years in his eyes.

Your own flickered down to his lips in spite of yourself and Sirius' heart skipped a beat, fearing you could feel it racing in his rib cage. When had you turned him so soft? He chuckled inwardly. Long before he had fully come to terms with how he felt about you was the answer. Even when he was in Azkaban, with two of his closest friends dead and the world convinced he was at fault, even if he had to live with the fact that he would never see you again, he still thought of you, and that kept him alive, sane— himself. But now you were here in front of him, and he was terrified that at any moment you would vanish into thin air and he would find himself back in that horrible cinder block cell, face to face with a dementor as it took his last memories of you away from him.

Your hand squeezed his, almost as if you had read his thoughts— as if you were assuring him that you were real, and you weren't going anywhere. You noticed him leaning in closer, even if he didn't, possessed by some invisible force. You were nearly about to meet him halfway when you were suddenly startled apart by the sound of quick, heavy-footed steps bounding down the stairs.

You both looked at each other as if you had just awoken from some sort of trance, instinctively putting some distance between yourselves as you shifted away awkwardly.

“I. . . I should probably get to bed,” you said, your face warm.

“Right,” Sirius said, reluctantly getting up from his seat at the edge of his bed, “I've kept you up long enough, I'm sure you're tired. . .”

Before you left his room you turned over your shoulder, a small smile on your face.

“It's really good to see you again, Sirius,” you said earnestly, “we should catch up for real later.”

“Definitely,” he said, a bit of his old self reflected in that smirk of his, albeit forced.

You steeled yourself, turning the doorknob and closing the door behind you gently before you did something to ruin the friendship you had just gotten back after over a decade. You shook the thought aside, your head hurting. You really did need to sleep after today.

You were about to head into your room, but something in you didn't feel quite right. You'd definitely heard someone go down the stairs, but you hadn't heard the front door open or close. Dread pooled in your stomach at your gut feeling, and you found yourself inexplicably making your way back down the stairs.

The house was eerily silent now that its residents had either gone off to bed or disapparated until the next meeting in a few days time. You'd left Sirius upstairs, and you knew Harry was staying here for the time being until school began, but everyone else had gone home. So then why did you still feel someone else's presence so acutely?

You stared at the empty hallway leading to the front door, taking a cautious step forward; the image in front of you didn't feel real. The colors were too saturated, the edges too sharp, and the surfaces too smooth. And that's when it hit you. The smell of rain. Leather-bound books. Lavender.

You froze, staring at the seemingly empty space in front of you.

“Severus?”

The potions master didn't dare make a sound, thinly veiled behind his invisibility charm but clearly not well enough. He was standing not three feet in front of you, taking in the sight of you as if it were the last thing he would ever see.

He panicked slightly as he felt you reach out to him with your mind, shutting himself off expertly. Your hurt expression as you were unable to detect anything pained him, but he wouldn't dare think that he deserved to say anything to you. What was there to say after everything he'd done?

Your gaze roamed the empty hall, and for a moment he could have sworn you stared him right in the eyes.

You knew he was there.

The moment lasted no longer than a second before you looked away, turning to go back up the stairs. As soon as your back was facing the front door you heard it open then close gently, and the tears you had been fighting to hold back finally spilled over.

Read chapter 4 here !

Taglist: @sleep-i-ness, @blackpinkdolan, @parker-natasha, @ornella0910 @undertaker1827 @thatwierdo-koemi

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fruitcoops · 3 years

Note

I don't know if you did this already (I'm sorry if you did) or somebody asked but could you do one where they supportive teammates reacts to homophobic teammates

Hello anon! This is a super interesting idea and I’ve been thinking about it for a couple days so I could get the vibe right--none of our boys would be homophobic, but new rookies on the other hand...

Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove, but this features a character who does not appear in SW (I’m not claiming him as an OC because he’s a dick)

TW for homophobic statements, no slurs

James caught sight of the new guy just as he was leaving the locker room, towel draped over his neck. “Rookie! Wait up, man!”

The other man paused, looking rather surprised as he jogged over. “Hey, you’re James, right?”

“Call me Pots.” He held his hand out and they shook. “Didn’t catch your name earlier, sorry.”

“Tanner Chase, nice to meet you.”

“Welcome to the team, Tanner.” James grinned. “You’re on my line, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m a winger,” Tanner said with a good bit of pride. Oh, to be twenty again, James thought. “Giving you a run for your money.”

“Sure, kid,” James laughed. “You do that. You’d have better luck with me than Loops, though.”

Tanner’s smile turned a little sharp. “Nah, he’d be too easy, am I right?”

James paused. “What?”

“Y’know, since he’s…” Talker gave him a significant look and a stone sank in James’ gut.

“I think you lost me.” I hope this isn’t what I think it is. “Because he’s a rookie? ‘cause I hate to break it to you, but—”

“No, dude, because he’s a fairy,” he snorted, as if they were still joking around.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Tanner blinked and reeled back. “Excuse me?”

“You don’t get to talk about my friends like that. Don’t talk about anyone like that. It’s not tolerated on this team and I won’t hesitate to kick your ass if I hear it again.” James made sure his voice was as even as possible, but he could tell it shook at the edges. “You just used up your one free pass, Chase.”

“Drive safe, Loops!” Talker called as Remus headed for the hall with his bag under his arm.

Sirius opened the door just as he reached it and his face broke into a smile. “Bonjour, mon amour, I was just looking for you. Ready to go?”

“Hiya, handsome.” He leaned up to peck him on the lips. “Yeah, I think I left my phone on the bench, though.”

Their conversation faded out as they wandered off together and Talker returned to his stretch, closing his eyes at the familiar burn in his hamstring. “Yikes,” the new rookie muttered under his breath. Tanner…something, Talker remembered.

“What’s up? You okay?”

Tanner glanced over at him. “Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Stretching? Not really, no. That’s why I do it.”

“No, not stretching. That.” He waved a hand at the slightly-open door.

“I can close it if you—”

“Dude.” Talker crossed his legs and faced him fully. “I mean Black and Lupin.”

Talker narrowed his eyes. “No. Does it bother you?”

“I mean, yeah, how am I supposed to respect a guy like that?” he scoffed.

Talker made direct eye contact with him; he wanted zero miscommunication about this. “You respect him because he’s your captain, which is a title he earned that has nothing to do with who he loves. And you respect Loops, too, or we’re going to have an issue. I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking bringing that attitude to this team, but you better drop it right now.”

Tanner turned back to his stretch. With a shake of his head, Talker collected his stuff and left him alone on the mats.

III

“Hey, Harzy.” Tanner sat down next to Finn on the bench and passed him a waterbottle. There was a shout from the ice as Remus stole the puck from Sirius’ stick and raced toward the goal, laughing loudly.

“Tan-man, what’s up?”

“What’s the deal with them?” he asked, lowering his voice.

“Cap and Loops? They’re engaged, didn’t you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” There was a slight tone shift that made Finn’s skin crawl. “But what do you think about it? Isn’t it, like, a little weird being on the same team as them?”

“Uh, no.”

Tanner’s eyebrows rose. “You aren’t afraid they’re looking at you or something?”

“What part of ‘engaged’ don’t you understand?” Finn’s jaw tightened. What a little shit. “If this is some homophobic fuckery, I’d like to take this time to remind you I have two boyfriends before you say something that gets you punched.”

Tanner’s eyes went wide and he scooted away without a word.

“Alright, everyone, Sid’s tonight?” Kasey shouted over the noise. The whole locker room cheered in agreement and he smiled as the buzz of victory filled his chest. “Knutty, since my team kicked your ass, I believe you owe me a pizza!”

“I still say Cap is a cheater!” Leo called back; within a few seconds, Sirius had him in a loose headlock as he ruffled his hair. “Alright, alright, I give!”

The volume level did not die down as they all flooded into the hallway—Kasey spotted a flash of mousy brown hair out of the corner or his eye and frustration lodged in his throat. In a smooth movement, he reached out and blocked Tanner from following the rest of the group out. “Not you.”

“But it’s a team dinner—”

“And you’re not part of the team until you get your head out of your ass,” he said coolly. The jumble of voices echoed around the corner. That was his team. “Don’t think I missed those looks you were shooting Cap and Loops. You’re not invited. Go home and think about what actually matters.”

They won the next game by a landslide. Arthur Weasley was furious. Every time an opponent came to check Tanner Chase, not a single Lion moved to help him. At one point, Pots had taken the puck right off his stick and skated down the ice for a goal, leaving him in the dust. Whenever Chase was on the bench, he was pointedly ignored by the rest and left to sit alone; Logan literally sat on Talker’s lap to avoid being within five feet of the rookie.

“Team meeting, everyone sit your asses down!” he barked as he entered the locker room. Immediately, the celebratory whoops quieted. “Anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?”

Sirius looked up at him in confusion. “I thought we played pretty well, Coach.”

“You played fine, but Chase over here got the cold shoulder like I’ve never seen before. Even the fucking commentators noticed!”

“Good,” Finn muttered under his breath.

“Shut it, O’Hara, this is not good.” He took a deep breath to try and calm himself. “Once again, does anyone want to enlighten me on this sudden attitude toward rookies? Since when are we like this?”

“It’s not toward rookies, it’s toward him,” Kasey said, glaring at Tanner from his stall. “He’s a homophobic douchebag. You want to tell Coach what you said?”

Tanner stared at the floor.

Arthur’s fury vanished. “What? Chase, is that true?” The rookie stayed silent. “Hey, kid, I’m talking to you.”

“Yes, Coach.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus’ jaw tick and Sirius’ face grow stormy.

“How long has this been going on?”

“It started the first day of practice,” Pots said, crossing his arms. “Our first conversation, in fact.”

“Eyes on me, rookie.” Tanner winced as he looked up. “I know the organization has told you in the past that this kind of behavior is okay, but right here and right now, I’m telling you it’s not. If you’re going to continue with that, you can leave.”

“I just get uncomfortable when—”

“When what?” Remus asked, standing up and leaning on his stall. He looked overall unthreatening, but there was a stony look in his eyes. “Tanner, what did Sirius and I do to make you uncomfortable?”

Tanner floundered for a moment. “It’s just—the kissing, the cuddling, the nicknames, all that.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem when Lily came to visit,” Remus continued. “Or Natalie, or Noelle, or Celeste. Is that correct?”

“Yeah.”

“But it bothers you when I call my fiancé ‘baby’, or he calls me ‘sweetheart’?”

“It does.”

“Tanner, I hope you know I’m not going to apologize,” he finally said. “If this had nothing to do with us being gay, we would tone down the PDA, but that’s clearly not the case.”

Sirius sighed. “None of us want to alienate you, but you’re making judgements before taking the time to know us. That’s a shitty thing to do.”

“You’ve never met an openly gay person before, have you?” Remus asked. Tanner shook his head. “Hi, I’m Remus Lupin. I play a wing position on the hockey team that you were just signed to and my favorite color is green. I have a dog named Hattie and I’m engaged to a man. Nice to meet you.”

Sirius walked across the room; Arthur tensed for a moment, but he stopped in front of Tanner and held his hand out. “Sirius Black, team captain. I play center and I hate pineapple pizza. Also, I’m gay. Congrats on being signed to the Lions.”

Tanner’s eyes flickered up, and after a moment’s hesitation, he shook Sirius’ hand. “Nice to meet you.” He swallowed thickly. “Cap.”

“Nice to meet you, too. Are we done with the bullshit?”

“It—it might take me a bit to get used to it.”

“Make it quick. We’ve got games to win and nobody here has time to hold your hand through it.” Sirius turned to look at everyone else, his Captain Face in full effect. “That goes for everyone, got it? No more cold shoulders, we talk this through like adults as soon as it happens.”

“You got it, Cap,” Pots said.

“Black, Lupin, can we talk?” Coach beckoned them toward the door; just before it closed, he saw Talker walk over to Tanner’s stall.

“That’s why you respect Cap and Loops,” Talker said quietly. “Not because of threats or some shit—because of that right there.”

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spiltscribbles · 3 years

Text

The One With The Soulmate

~Notes: Hiya loves! This is a one shot from my The One With The Marauders series and I’m just moving it here to Tumblr<3

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“You are seriously insatiable tonight,” Remus rebukes, swatting Sirius’s hand away from where he was eagerly grabbing at his arse for another round of fun, positively delicious, bloody remarkable, mind-blowing fun. God Sirius thanks every deity above that he fell in love with such a secretive, little wildcat.

“Oi, wasn’t the whole purpose of this getting married shtick so we could do that whenever we please?” Sirius harrumphs, flopping back on their bed, starfished out as he watches his ridiculously beautiful husband dropping his towel to the floor and digging through their shared drawer for a new pair of pants. He really tries his damndest to not focus on how the dying evening light filters through their room’s open window, bathing Remus in this resplendent, almost heavenly glow, turning the tips of his eyelashes as golden as his hair and caressing the dips and valleys of his lithe muscles, accentuating the smattering of freckles on his thighs and the dimples he’s got on the small of his back. God Sirius can’t take his eyes off of him for even a moment. “Because if not I reckon I can sue for false advertising.”

Remus only sniffs at him, affecting a lofty air as he pulls on the green, turtle net sweater that Sirius especially likes on him for how it brings out the amber flecks in Remus’s emerald eyes and how it hugs his physique in the exact right breath to show off how bloody good looking he is. “We did that right when you came home from the firm, and then again in the shower less than five minutes ago. Don’t tell me it was that forgettable?” He asks with a pointed hiking of the brow.

“Never my lovely little croissant,” Sirius contends hurriedly, popping up from his lounging position to snatch for Remus’s boney wrists, and dragging the shorter man down to sit in his still very naked lap. “You are the best shag and handsomest fellow and—“ Remus claps his hand over Sirius’s mouth, probably trying to come off stern, but Sirius could totally catch the way the corner of his lips begin to flinch upwards— he’s endeared and Sirius knows it.

“Enough of that bollocks, else I’ll get a cavity.”

“But my beautiful crumpet, I want to sing your praises,” Sirius pouts mockingly, kisses the tip of his nose, while one of his well built arms slings around Remus’s slender waste, with his free hand slowly crawling up his inner thigh, thwarted nearly immediately by Remus standing up in a huff.

“Like a bloody mutt.” He scolds.

“Only for you my delightfully delectable cabbage,” Sirius leers, finally standing up and taking the proffered slacks so to get ready for this little soiree Lily’s law firm is holding for their fiftieth anniversary.

“When do you reckon these awful nicknames will drop off?”

“You’re the one who said you like it when I speak French at you,” Sirius goads, smacking Remus’s pert arse as he struts into their master-bath.

“Oi, when it’s spoken in the ruddy language, and not some awful accent you’ve conjured up.” Remus counters moodily before he grabs for one of the colognes on their vanity, and Sirius only smiles privately to himself, so beyond besotted with him that it’s getting detrimental for his health, exhibit A being how he very nearly squirts his aftershave right into his eyes.

But God Remus is so worth it.

The ballroom of the swanky, Mayfair hotel is dressed up in all the opulence that should be expected for a soiree made up of the throng of stuffy, stuck up solicitors that are present. Sirius is not impressed in the slightest, even if he can work the room for one of these parties as effortlessly as breathing thanks to his upbringing as the son of a Lorde and Countess; though he still hates the ambiance of it all, so much so that it makes his skin crawl to this day, but he promised to be here and at least Remus is right besides him, with Sirius’s hand in his back pocket and hazel eyes flickering to him every few minutes or so, as if attuned to Sirius and all his mercurial moods.

God he loves him.

“Alice and I have been shagging non stop,” Frank says, which works well enough to bring Sirius’s attention away from wanting to drag Remus behind the champaign fountain so to have his wicked way with him, and back to the conversation they’re all having; even if that means that instead of looking passive, Sirius is sneering over at Frank.

“Dacorum man.”

Frank apologizes, beyond glum. “We just don’t know what to do. The doctors say that we shouldn’t have this much difficulty with it, but we just checked before coming and still, nothing.”

“I’m sorry mate, that’s awful.” Remus tells him, and Dorcas nods along, but Sirius just rolls his eyes.

“We’re not even thirty yet for fuck’s sake,” he tells him. “Maybe ’s a sign for you both to stop trying to ruin your lives with a baby.”

“Shut it Sirius,” Dorcas hisses, kicking at his ankle hard enough to make him wince.

“Ouch, hey! I’m just saying, a kid’s a lot of responsibility, and commitment.”

“I’ve been with Alice since we were seventeen Black,” Frank tells him hotly . “I think I’m already properly committed.”

“Then what’s the point of the kid!”

Frank raises his brows, floundering with no words as if he just could not comprehend Sirius and all his Sirius-ness, which is fair, the only two people who’s been able to do as much turned out being his brother, (James), and his lover, (Remus)… Speaking of which…

“I’m sorry he’s acting like such an arse Frank, he doesn’t mean it.” the sandy blonde says cooly, giving Sirius one of his looks that he usually keeps designated for his more rowdy students. “Do you.”

Sirius glares at him before looking back at Frank and nodding stiffly. “Sorry mate, you and Flores would be marvelous parents, I’m just being prickish.”

“Nothing knew then,” Frank says, but it’s coupled with an amiable grin so Sirius knows he’s off the hook.

“Right, well why don’t I make it up to you by grabbing you a drink? Yeah?”

“See if they’ve got an iced white?”

“Me too Black,” Dorcas scoffs, doesn’t even bother to look at him to make the command.

“Righto,” Sirius claps Frank’s shoulder with a friendly squeeze, winking at Dorcas and glancing over at Remus before he goes. “Vodka tonic?”

“With lemon please.”

Sirius nods, still pecks him on the lips even if they’re sorta in a fight, as if Sirius could ever stay away for too long.

By the grace of God, the open bar is mostly vacant, except for a familiar head of messy hair he’s considered family for over half his life.

“All right Prongs?”

James pivots around, drinks already in hand and grinning at the sight of him. “Wow, didn’t even recognize you for a tick there Pads, you don’t even have your hand plastered to Moony’s bum!.”

Sirius smirks, tossing him a covert two finger salute as he saddles up besides him and orders the round of drinks. “What can I say Prongsy, the cheeky bugger made me vow to have it there constantly, can’t just jilt my bloke like that, can I?”

James grimaces with a roll of the eyes, and Sirius’s far accustomed to that look of exasperation from him by now. “You’re a mutt.”

“Would you believe you aren’t the first person to say that to me within the last hour?”

“God save our poor Moony.”

“Oh God doesn’t have to worry, I’m taking care of him just fine.”

“Are you being gross about my best friend,” Lily asks as she struts up towards them, looking like an absolute diamond, even if her nose is wrinkled indelicately.

“Aren’t I always in your opinion?” Sirius asks cheekily, trying to balance the four drinks in his grasp before she just rolls her eyes and grabs the flutes of wine for Frank and Dorcas.

“Your impossible prat-ness aside, I actually think you being all grossly territorial over Remus tonight is actually a good thing.”

“THat’s a first,” James says, but Sirius can only glare, suspicious.

“Why’s that? Oi! Don’t tell me that absolute plonker Dearborn is here!”

“Oh God no,” Lily startles, shaking her head as if the thought was too insane to even fathom. “’S just the firm’s just hired this new bloke and I’m really quite positive that he’s Rem’s soulmate.”

“Lily! Don’t say that!” James balks, glancing over at Sirius worriedly, but he in turn only laughs at the magnitude of the statement.

“Jesus, Evans, didn’t think you believed in that ridiculous shite?”

“’S not ridiculous Sirius! And yeah, ‘course I do, like James and I are definitely soulmates.” She twists slightly so to kiss the curve of James’s jaw, making him go a bit blotchy. Poor git’s wrapped around her littlest finger.

“And what? You reckon Remus and I are just here to kill some time?”

“No, don’t be a pillock,” Lily reproves. “’s just he’s his soulmate is all.”

Okay, Sirius’s amusement has officially given way to irritation, and he twists his head so to scowl down at her as they make their way to the others. “Alright Evans, explain yourself then, yeah? Tell me how he’s Moony’s supposed soulmate.

“Well he’s French.”

“I speak French.”

“He’s got amazing, blonde hair.”

“I’ve got amazing, black hair.”

“He majored in literature just like Remus.” Lily says airily, knowing that Sirius can’t match that being an architect himself.

“Well— I read all that snotty shite Remus asks me too.” He huffs, and Lily answers with a shrug to her delicate shoulders.

“Fine then, I’m wrong. You’ve got nothing to worry bout.”

She struts off to their little lump of friends as if to cut the conversation off completely, and Sirius is perfectly find with that. She’s acting off her bloody rocker. But, if Sirius stands closer to Remus than usual for the rest of the night, or if he ends up kissing his temple whenever he feels like someone is watching them, or if he glares at one of the blokes working catering after deigning to offer Remus an empanada— Well that’s Sirius’s business and his alone. He’s not intimidated by this soulmate shite, for fuck’s sake. It’s not like he’s trying to stave off the bastard or something. He does all of that simply because Remus is his husband now, and he loves getting to show that off to all onlookers, even the ones who may or may not be Remus’s soulmate.

“We’ve got dinner with Reggie and his latest girlfriend tonight,” Remus tells Sirius the following Tuesday, tossing the scarf his mother had gifted him last Christmas— with a matching one for Sirius— over his shoulder as they stroll around to the front of the Three Broomsticks for their morning coffees, hands linked and the early winter snow catching in both sets of their lashes.

And God does Sirius love the sound of that, of their schedules overlapping, becoming one almost. Loves the idea that where ever one goes the other follows. Sirius knows that they’ve both have their demons, from Sirius’s neglect and emotional abuse as a child— occasionally sprinkled with a good smack or two if his mother was particularly fuming. To Remus’s complex of never feeling like he can ever be enough, and the way Lyall had acted for years after Remus had come out to his parents as gay, coupled with his multiple hospital visits as a lad until they finally figured out his lupus diagnosis. But they’re better, so much fucking better now. Plenty of the credit going to the remarkable group of friends whom they’ve picked up along the way, but another huge chunk was finding one another, and Sirius knows it in his bones. Knows that there couldn’t be anyone else for him, and sure he knows Remus sometimes deserves more, deserves better— But he’s chosen him, he’s chosen Sirius. He loves Sirius. And it’s remarkable and unbelievable and amazing, and Sirius holds onto the sensation of it with hungry piety.

“Love? Did you hear that?”

Sirius jolts back to the moment, and smiles softly down at him, kissing the corner of Remus’s mouth in penance. “Yes, of course gorgeous. I didn’t forget, I’ll be home early and maybe we can have a lie down before leaving if you’ve finished grading those papers?”

Remus’s laugh right then is like the most splendid instrument Sirius has ever heard, light and magical and warm as a bonfire. “Try to be good and maybe.” He tells him with a cold fingered tapping of his nose before he flounces off to the main counter to order for them.

Sirius doesn’t know how long he stares after him instead of grabbing the gang’s typical seats up front, but is startled when he hear’s a choked out noise coming from behind him and sees Lily, panic faced and eyes wandering frantically.

“Oi, what’s squirming up your arse Evans.” He asks her suspiciously, thick brows furrowed.

“I didn’t know you guys would be here,” she explains so quickly that her words begin to crash into one another. “Oh bloody hell, the one time I have a late start!”

She stomps her foot and Sirius shoots her a fully fledged glower. “What is making you so damn barmy for Christ’s sake.”

Lily parts her lips, but no noise comes out, because right then someone follows her indoors, a very familiar someone if only based off of descriptions. A very tall, very blonde, very smiley looking someone.

Sirius hates him right on sight.

“I’m sorry I took so long at that shop Lily, my mother loves these, how do you say, snow globes?” The stranger says, shaking one for emphasis with Big Ben set in the center.

“Ridiculous tourist trinkets is more like it,” Sirius practically snarls, which earns him a confused look by the blonde and a tired one by Lily.

“Right then, well Sirius this’s Thomas Martin, Thomas this is Sirius Black.”

“Lupin-Black now, ta Lils.”

“Oh,” Thomas says, blue eyes blinking wearily. “Nice to meet you, ah, Sirius.” He extends his hand, and when Sirius shakes it he makes sure to feel the bloke’s bones crushing together, just so he understands who exactly he’s speaking with.

The French arse eventually pulls away, pinning Sirius with a one eyed squint as he curls and stretches his fingers.

“Oh God,” Lily groans, leading them to their spot and depositing herself onto the sofa with absolute exasperation, and Sirius only continues to glare at Thomas as he sits besides her, growing stiffer once Remus returns.

“Oh, hiya Lils,” he smiles, handing Sirius his drink before flickering his gaze to the fucking Frenchman.

“‘lo love, this’s the newest hire at the firm, Thomas. Thomas, this’s my best mate, Remus.” She introduces quickly, the fucking trader.

“Remus?” Thomas asks, dimpling down at Sirius’s fucking husband with bright eyes. And Sirius has to curl his fists so not to punch him right in the sodding face, only growing angrier when Remus chuckles and ducks his head, like he was nervous by him! Like he thought he was in fact very good looking and very charming and his damn soulmate.

“Yeah, blame that on my mum, she was big into the classics.”

Thomas’s grin widens even more and Sirius feels the pulse on his neck beginning to throb. “No, it’s very charming. My Grandfather was very, erm, focussed on those studies as well? Begged my parents to name me Enkidu. They thankfully refused.”

Remus laughs fully now, and Sirius wants to a punch a wall. It took him literal months to make Remus laugh like that— genuine and glimmering and gorgeous. “Lucky bloke. Though I do have to admit that Gilgamesh is a favorite of mine, I think I’ve read the epic twenty times over.”

“Oh mine too,” the fucking Frenchman says, stepping closer to Remus and now in front of Sirius fully, gambling bravely that Sirius wouldn’t try to cap him right here. “If you ask me however, I do believe that he and Enkidu are more than just, friends.” His eyes flicker down to Remus’s lips for a split second and when he looks back up his face is positively leering.

Sirius sees red.

“God, so nice to finally talk to someone who gets it, the professors I work under are usually so painfully heteronormative that it’s crippling.” Remus tells him, smiling kindly.

“Oh, I’m the furthest away from that, I assure you.”

He winks! He fucking winks! Sirius swears to God! He sees the bastard winking at his husband! His fucking husband! What the bloody hell does he think that platinum band on Remus’s finger matching Sirius’s own is suppose to represent! Holy shit!

“I’d love to read anything you have on the subject, most things translated to French are a bit clunky.”

He’s trying to ask him out! Right here! Right in front of Sirius! Sirius is going to strangle his snail swallowing neck! Thankfully, Lily must sense his inner turmoil because she interjects their conversation right then, asking Thomas to grab her a jasmine tea.

“Oh yes of course,” he nods congenially, rounding back on Remus before he leaves. “Would you like a pastry? On me.”

Is he trying to ask Remus to eat it off of him? What the hell! It took nearly a year of them fucking for Sirius to get Remus to bring food in the bedroom, to get to watch Remus lick the chocolate syrup off his cock. And what? Does he think he’s even got a chance so quickly!

“Oh, that’s sweet,” Remus grins and a part of Sirius dies on the inside. “But I’ll come tag along, yeah? I love talking about this stuff and Sirius absolutely hates this ancient rubbish.”

“I do not! I think these dead blokes are very interesting,” he harrumphs, heated, with pouting lips and crossed arms. But Remus only tosses back his head with uninhibited laughter in response, which makes the fucking Frenchman beam that bit brighter.

“After you,” he says with a swish of the hand.

Sirius is going to be tried for murder, and he’s not even sorry about it.

“’s okay love,” Lily reassures him, patting his head dotingly. “We’ll find you someone new.”

“I hate you Evans!”

“Don’t blame the messenger!”

Sirius is about to tell her just how much he does exactly that, but then he catches on the fucking Frenchman putting his hand over Remus’s to prevent him from sliding over his card and all the fight leaves him in an instant.

Sirius ended up not even going to the on sight location for the latest project he’s heading at the firm. He instead spent the bulk of the morning and part of the afternoon grinding his teeth as Remus spoke and barbed and giggled with the fucking Frenchman, like he was enjoying himself. And it was torture, watching the way they naturally clicked and got on— Literal fucking torture.

Sirius is still fuming as they sit in front of his younger brother and his newest bird, a pretty girl named Amal, who’s just graduated from a posh, fashion institute in the north of France. And Christ it’s like he’s being bombarded with the idea of that country all day.

“God that must’ve been such a wonderful experience,” Remus says, smiling as she leans forwards with a grin, speaking louder over the chatter of the busy sushi joint they had all agreed upon.

“Oh yes, the cuisine was simply unmatched, even if I did end up missing London, being home and all. Though I’m afraid my French is seriously dwindling compared to my English and Arabic now.”

“You should ask Reggie to practice with you, I know I love it when Sirius speaks the language.” He winks right then, making Amal crow with laughter and Regulus roll his eyes fondly. But Sirius stays peeved off with his hinged jaw, absolutely seething.

“Bet my hopeless brother recites poetry to you and everything, rose in his mouth and all.”

Remus laughs and Sirius suddenly has the horrid image of the fucking Frenchman doing as much outside the window to their bedroom, and is furious all over again.

“Well Reggie, Remus here does fancy all things French, foods and wines and blokes and just the whole lot.”

“Well good, we have something in common,” Amal snickers, lacing her hand through Regulus’s own over the tabletop. Sirius and Remus haven’t held hands since the waitress brought out their drinks, and remembering as much makes Sirius take a swig of his ail, hating everything.

“Yes well, you can say it’s Remus’s soulmate, France I mean.” He says, words beginning to slur. “He’s meant for French food and wines and blokes, innit true love? You’d prefer a French bloke?”

Amal frowns and Regulus pins him with a one eyed squint, befuddled. But Sirius only gathers his wits about him when Remus clammers noisily out his chair and tugs on his arm to follow suit.

“Reg order us the specials yeah? And a round of spring rolls,” he instructs, words clipped, and a small dent peeking out between his brows, like it does when he’s especially annoyed. “C’mon Sirius we need to talk.”

“But that’d be awfully rude,” Sirius retorts, already hates the flat, fuming tone Remus is speaking with, and feels good and properly nervous for the impending argument.

“They have one another, ’s fine. Now let’s go.”

Sirius concedes and pretends it doesn’t feel like he’s being lead to the gallows.

“All right prick,” Remus huffs, rounding on Sirius right after he locks the door to the single user loo. “What has gotten you in such a bloody awful mood.”

Sirius sniffs, arms crossed against his chest and his head tilted imperiously. “I’m peachy.”

“You’ve been acting like an arse ever since we had coffee with Lily,” Remus counters, reproving.

“Actually love, if you didn’t notice, Lily left about halfway through you and the blonde’s little clucking session.”

Remus furrows his brows now, pillowy lips pinched and looking lost as hell. “You’re angry because Lily left for work?”

“Oh for bloody hell Remus!” Sirius erupts, tossing his arms in the air. “I’m angry because you met your ruddy soulmate and now you’re going to ride off into the sunset with’m and read French poetry together while eating cheese and bread and talking about highbrow shit like Aeneid!”

Remus startles backwards, long lashes flapping and mouth gaped open. “Oh Christ, you’ve gone absolutely barmy. You’re mad.”

“You’re not helping.”

“I feel like I should call someone about my husband going bloody mental.”

“I repeat. Not. Helping.”

“What in hell has convinced you that this random bloke is my soulmate?” Remus asks, back to being patient as ever.

“Lily!” Sirius shouts. “She told me that you and the fucking Frenchman are soulmates! And she’s right okay! She’s bloody spot on.”

Remus rolls back his entire head now, groaning out, “You are such an idiot.”

“Real nice Moons,” Sirius frowns, doesn’t even know how to feel now, the anger seeping out of him the longer he’s standing besides Remus, leaving an awful, clawing abandonment in its wake.

“Did you ever once think to ask me what I think of the damn concept of soulmates? Hmm?” He asks, single brow hiked with pure condescension.

And oh.

Sirius is stuck for a minute there, doesn’t see an out to the question. “Well…. Erm—“

“Well if you had asked, like a normal sodding bloke! I wold’ve told you that I married you because I know your my soulmate you arse! And it isn’t because of some ridiculous notion of stardust or providence or whatever else. It’s because we grew together, and we fight for one another, and even when you’re being a complete prick or we’re arguing like mad you’re the only one I want. Only person I can ever see myself with, the only person I want to try this hard for. The only fucking person I ever want to call my husband! My partner! lover!”

“Oh.” Sirius breathes out, all his fears being strangled by the conviction embedded into Remus’s words.

And it’s like all of Sirius’s insides melt, like all the adoration and love and reverence he holds for Remus is pooling in his stomach and threatening to pour out his every orifice. And God he can’t even inhale, only scrambles to lock his hands around Remus’s cheeks and press his head against Remus’s own.

“Yeah? You really think that.”

“Hell, I thought the wedding and all would’ve made that clear.”

Sirius chuckles, only lightly, his thumb dragging beneath Remus’s eye tenderly. “God I love you, so endlessly. Please forgive me for being an idiot?”

“Yeah, I suppose I’ll keep you around,” Remus teases, bouncing on the balls of his feet to kiss Sirius’s nose and lock his arms around his neck, and the sensation of it— them knotted into one another— could never be replicated in a thousand years, not like this, not like them.

Other Wolfstar One Shots | Send Me A Prompt

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #SIRIUSXREMUS #REMUSXSIRIUS #harry potter series #spilt ink #FIC: Friends AU

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livingforcoopsandoknutzy · 3 years

Note

56 for the cubs

Hehehe, you probably expected an injury but nah i’m just gonna project on people now

“I can’t feel anything”

Thank our knight in shining armor @lumosinlove for her amazing characters

TW: depression/throwing up

Logan learned the hard way that hiding who you are from people you love and yourself for years can lead to horrible anxiety and depression. He hates that fact and therefore shares it with no one. The only people who know about it are Dumo and Remus, though Leo and Finn suspected.

Most of the time Logan could control it, push it to the back of his mind, or distract himself but one of the many things he had learned was that depression demanded to be felt.

So there were days when he couldn’t get out of bed, days he couldn’t sleep and instead laid in bed all day crying for no specific reason. He could tell it always worried his boys but they responded to it differently. Leo always made sure Logan knew he could talk to him and Finn was always there when he needed a distraction.

He appreciated it, he really did, but there were days where he felt so numb and broken that he questioned their motives. Those were the worst days, when the doubt crept in and told him he was bad for Leo and Finn, that they were far better off without him.

Logan tended to go to Remus or Dumo on those days, unable to face Leo and Finn when he felt like that.

Which was how he found himself in front of Remus and Sirius’s front door, debating on knocking since he hadn’t told them he was coming. After too many minutes of wringing his hands and pacing, he knocked before he could think about it anymore.

There was laughter on the other side of the door before he heard Remus’s voice calling that he’d get the door. Logan’s heart raced as he realized they had company and he spun on his heel, about to walk away before the door opened and Remus grabbed his arm.

“Wait, what’s wrong?” He asked as he gently spun Logan back around so he could look at him. “Nothing’s wrong. Sorry I didn’t realize you had company.” Remus took in his appearance for a second before shaking his head.

“You only ever show up randomly when you’re not doing well.” He paused momentarily, his eyes scanning Logan’s face thoroughly. “Plus, you’ve been crying.” Logan dropped his eyes to the ground. “Is it that obvious?” He asked, his heart sinking impossibly lower. Remus took a step towards his and dropped a comforting hand to his hair. “Only to me. Come on it.”

Logan swallowed roughly and shook his head. “Really, I’ll be alright. I can just go to Dumo’s.” Remus shook his head and pulled Logan lightly into the entryway. “You can’t go there because he’s here. It’s just us, Dumo, and the Potter’s don’t worry about it.”

Picking on the sleeves of his sweatshirt that belonged to Leo, a fact he was trying to ignore because what right did he have to wear this sweatshirt, he stepped into the foyer with Remus.

Remus hugged him tightly, his mouth close to Logan’s ear. “Do you want me or Dumo right now?” He asked quietly. Logan just shut his eyes tightly and shook his head. “I don’t know.” Remus rubbed his back soothingly for a minute. “Okay, do you want to just hang out for a bit?” Logan nodded slowly. “If I’m not intruding.”

Remus laughed quietly as he pulled away. “You’re never intruding.” Logan smiled and followed him quietly. Remus led them to the living room where James and Lily were sitting on the floor with Harry crawling between them, Sirius was sitting on the loveseat and Remus walked over and dropped a kiss to his forehead before sitting in his lap casually. The sight hurt Logan’s heart, his mind automatically going to his worried boyfriends at home.

Dumo was sitting on the couch, his eyes taking in Logan’s appearance as e gestured to the spot next to him. Logan walked over with a fake smile after waving to the Potter’s and Sirius when they welcomed him.

Logan plopped down next to Dumo and laid down so he could put his head in Dumo’s lap. He had good parents, he’d been raised well but they lived in Canada and he rarely saw them so when Dumo had offered him a place to stay it was like he finally had a father again.

Dumo supported him wholeheartedly and while Logan had never flat out told him about his anxiety and depression he knew Dumo knew about it.

Logan let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and focused on the feeling of Dumo’s large hand in his hair. “Are you alright, mon fils?” He asked quietly, his voice comforting in a way no one else’s was. Logan nodded stiffly, his eyes venturing to Harry.

They sat in silence listening to the conversation going around them before Dumo lifted his head carefully off his lap. “Come on.�� He said quietly to Logan as he walked over to Sirius. “Je vole ta chambre pendant un moment mon fils.” Sirius’s eyes drifted to Logan before he nodded, smiling a bit at Logan as they walked by.

Once they were seated on the guest bed, Dumo pulled Logan’s head back into his lap. “What’s going on?” He said quietly, his voice so caring that Logan felt tears prick his eyes. How can someone care so much about someone so undeserving?

“I’m sick of being broken.” Logan whispered, embarrassed that his tears were already falling. He was such an awful person, he didn’t deserve to cry. “Arrêtez. You’re not broken.” Logan let out a shuddering breath and shook his head.

“I am. My mind doesn’t work like all of yours. If there are too many people around I can’t breathe, I can be happy one moment and the next be completely numb. I love Leo and Finn so much but right now seeing them makes me so sad because I don’t deserve them, I never have. I just want to stop thinking, my brain goes from zero to one hundred all the time. When I’m not terribly depressed I just feel so numb, like no matter what anyone it wouldn’t matter. It’s like I can’t feel anything.”

Dumo stayed silent while Logan ranted, his hand soothing Logan’s dark hair back, the other rubbing his arm comfortingly. Logan was shaking and the tears were uncontrollable, he turned so he could tuck his face into Dumo’s stomach. “I’m just so tired all the time. It’s like I’m drowning.” Logan cried, his voice muffled against the fabric of Dumo’s shirt.

“Je t'ai mon fils, tu vas bien.” Dumo said quietly, his arms tightening around Logan enough to lift him up into a sitting position. “Your mind isn’t broken, it’s just different. I know you get sad and upset a lot and that’s okay, we will always be there for you. Always. Your boys love you so much and I don’t want to hear that you aren’t good enough because you guys wouldn’t work without you, just like how y’all wouldn’t work without Leo or Finn.”

Dumo frowned as Logan buried his head into his neck as Logan’s chest heaved. “I know you’re tired, mon fils, but we would never let you drown.” They sat there for a while neither talking. Dumo let Logan cry it out knowing it would be worse if he didn’t.

After a while of sniffles, Logan pulled away and wiped his eyes which were now so bloodshot that Dumo was slightly concerned. “Sorry,” Logan muttered his eyes on the wet spot on Dumo’s shirt. Dumo just waved it off with a shake of his head. “It’s quite alright. I believe you should go talk to your boys, do you want them to come here or do you want me to drive you back?”

Logan closed his eyes, suddenly very tired. “Do you mind driving me?” Dumo shook his head and hugged the boy who was his son in every way but blood. “I don’t mind but if I know you I doubt you told them where you were going so why don’t you text them while I grab my keys.

Logan laughed softly and nodded, grabbing his phone out of his pocket and shooting Finna and Leo a quick text. Logan walked back to the living room and met Remus’s eyes.

Remus smiled at him kindly and opened his arms for a hug that Logan gave him gratefully. “Go be with your boys, I hope it passes soon.” He said quietly as Logan pulled away. Logan gave him an appreciative smile and walked over to where Dumo was standing by the door, waving bye to everyone.

Once they were in the car Logan turned on Spotify, his phone was always the first to connect in Dumo’s car because Dumo liked country and Logan was voted best DJ. He shuffled his ‘chill vibes’ playlist and laid his head back against the seat letting his eyes fall closed.

They rode in silence until Dumo pulled up to Logan’s apartment. Dumo placed a comforting hand on Logan’s shoulder when it was obvious Logan was making no move to get out of the car. “You’ve got this kid. They love you, they’ll understand.” Logan worried at his bottom lip.

“What if they don’t? What if they think I’m a freak and kick me out? What if they think I’m weak for letting this get to me? What if they think I’m not good enough for them?” Logan turned to look at Dumo, his eyes wide with anxiety. “Mon Dieu, what if they realize I’m not good enough for them?” Dumo narrowed his eyes and shook his head.

“First of all, take some deep breaths. There you go. Okay, secondly they will understand. Logan has anxiety so he’ll understand that and both of them will try their hardest to understand where you’re coming from depression wise. Third of all, they would never ever kick you out and if they did you know you can come to mine, but they won’t.” Dumo clarified, maintaining eye contact with Logan so he could see the sincerity in his eyes.

“You’re not weak for this and screw anyone who makes you think you are. I will personally come over here and punch them if they say something like that. Most importantly, mon fils, is that you are good enough for them. You deserve the world and I know you don’t see that but you’ve been through so much and you’ve been dealt bad hands before but this isn’t one of them. You deserve them just as much as they deserve you so stop thinking of yourself as less.”

Logan nodded slowly, a small smile spreading across his face. “Thank you, Père.” Dumo laughed softly and pulled him into a tight hug before unlocking the door and letting Logan out. “I’ll be with Remus and Sirius if you need me. Text me when your done and I can get you so you can get your car from Remus’s.” Logan gave him a thumbs up and made his way into the apartment building.

Logan took the stairs so he had more time to think about what he was going to say to Leo and Finn.

He knew that they wouldn’t think any less of him but he was so scared they would reject him that he was starting to get physically sick. His stomach was churning and all he wanted to do was lay down and wait it out but he had to talk to Leo and Finn first, they deserved that much.

Logan stumbled slightly on his way into the apartment, his throat burning in the tell tale sign he was about to be sick. Finn and Leo were on the couch and both of them looked over when they heard the door open.

“Lo, are you okay?” Logan was about to answer Finn when his stomach flipped again and he all but ran to the bathroom, dropping to his knees in front of the toilet just in time. It only took a minute for Finn and Leo to join him, Finn rubbing his back soothingly as Leo got a cold rag and pressed it to the back of his neck.

He shuddered as he gagged a few more times before he allowed Finn to pull him into his lap. He was crying again but he felt an overwhelming numb feeling settling over him and he closed his eyes tightly.

Leo rested his forehead against Logan’s and brought his hands up to cup Logan’s tearstained face. “Baby, you have to tell us what’s going on. This will only get worse if you don’t let us in.” Logan’s breath stuttered and he felt tears slip down his face.

He opened his eyes briefly and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked terrible. His eyes were red and bloodshot, tear tracks clear on his cheeks. He closed his eyes again not wanting to look anymore. He already had a headache from crying but the tears wouldn’t stop.

“I’m so sorry.” Logan said quietly. Finn tightened his hold around Logan’s waist and rested his chin on Logan’s shoulder, Leo pressed their foreheads together with more force. “Baby, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Finn said, dropping a soft kiss to Logan’s shoulder.

Logan just shook his head. “I do. I’m sorry I get like this, I know it makes you worry. I’m sorry I can’t be happy when I have more than enough reason to be. I’m just sorry for being like this, you both deserve so much more. You would be better off without me.”

It fell silent and Leo leaned away from him, an unreadable expression on his face. Logan froze for a moment, terrified that they would agree with him. When it stayed silent he squirmed, trying to get out of Finn’s arms but Finn seemed to snap out of it and tightened his grip while Leo reached forward to push the hair that had fallen in his face.

Leo’s unreadable expression shifted and tears gathered in his eyes. “Logan, no.” Logan flinched at the use of his read name and Finn pulled him back into his chest so Logan could relax against him.

“Baby, you can’t help it. We know you can’t help it, we understand. You don’t have to always be happy Lo, no one is. You shouldn’t be sorry for any of it, please don’t apologize for that.” Leo said softly, tears falling slowly down his face. Logan frowned and raised his hand to wipe them away, Leo made a sad noise and nuzzled into the touch.

Finn kissed his shoulder gently again before resting his forehead there. “I’m glad you think we deserve so much but so do you, Lo. You deserve just as much as we do and you best bet your sorry ass that we are not better off without you no matter what you think. You make us us and we wouldn’t trade you for the world.” Finn said, his voice authoritative and strong.

Logan closed his eyes tightly and brought Leo closer pulling him into a hug and relishing in the feeling of having both his boys arms around him. “I love you both so much.” Logan said, his voice cracking through tears.

Leo pulled back with a wet laugh and stood up holding his hands out to Logan to help him up. Logan took them and let himself be hauled up before turning to help Finn up. He was a little shocked to see silent tears falling down Finn’s face.

Logan knelt back down in front of him, his thumbs wiping away the tears while his other fingers cupped Finn’s face. “Why are you crying?” Logan asked softly, retracting his hands when Finn stood up. Logan stood up too and was quickly pulled into the middle of a tight hug from Leo and Finn.

“Did you really think we would care? Or that you weren’t worth it?” Finn asked quietly, his face buried in Logan’s hair. Logan shuddered and let out a shaky breath. “Yes? Logically I knew you wouldn’t but I can’t help but think it, if that makes sense.” He added, suddenly scared that they would judge him for thinking that way.

Leo kissed the top of his head and shook his head. “I get that. But mon chéri, we don’t think of you any differently or less if that’s what you’re worried about. If anything we’re grateful you told us, at least we understand a bit more. We can help better now that we know what’s wrong.” Logan couldn’t bite back the sob that tore through him.

Leo looked at him anxiously. “Did I say something wrong?” He asked anxiously, pulling away so he could tilt Logan’s head towards his own. Finn laughed softly, his arms still wrapped around Logan’s stomach in a way Logan appreciated more than he could say.

“No, you said just the right thing.” Finn said quietly. He had just barely finished his sentence before Logan smashed his mouth against Leo’s.

Leo made a shocked noise before kissing back hotly. Finn made an appreciative sound and started kissing Logan’s neck, sucking hard on certain places he knew unwound Logan.

Logan pulled back from Leo and brought Finn’s mouth up to meet his own and stuck his tongue forcefully into Finn’s mouth. Leo groaned and attached his lips to Finn’s shoulder, slowly making his way up Finn’s neck.

Leo pulled back after a moment, panting slightly. “As much as I love this and want to ravish both of you very much right now, I think we should get out of the bathroom and take this to the bedroom.” Logan laughed against Finn’s mouth and pulled away, Finn bit his bottom lip gently as he pulled away before letting go.

Logan briefly wondered why he had been so upset at the idea of telling them what was upsetting them so much. His boys always knew exactly what to say and exactly what to do when it came to him.

Now that his ‘secret’ was out Leo and Finn became very good at telling when Logan got in his slumps. Logan had to admit that their distractions were pretty effective and he enjoyed it a lot, but the times he really loved were when they sat down and talked him through it.

Tonight though, tonight was a good distraction.

#o'knutzy #finn o'hara #leo knot #logan tremblay #sw #sweater weather #coast to coast #c2c #fanfics for a fanfic #lumosinlove

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ourloveisforthelovely · 4 years

Text

The Fall

Harry Potter AU

Pairings: Sirius Black x Reader

Rating: M

Summary: Losing someone you love is hard. Losing them because you were told they've gone crazy is worse! After Sirius escaped from prison, its time to face years of heartbreak while still keeping yourself sane for your nephew Harry.

Song at the beginning: Impossible

__________

When all is done, there is nothing to say. You have gone and so effortlessly. You have won, you can go ahead, tell them. Tell them all I know now. Shout it from the rooftops. Write it on the skyline. All we had is gone now. Tell them I was happy and my heart is broken. All my scars are open. Tell them all I hoped would be impossible

Your eyes looked at the page from your journal 14 dated years ago. It was the day that you found out Sirius had been locked up in Azkaban. You didn’t want to believe any of it! You didn’t want to believe the sunshine boy that you had fallen in love with had really gone bad!

As if supposedly joining the death eaters wasn’t bad enough the knowledge that he had betrayed your brother and best friend was worse! How did Sirius betray his best friend in the world? James had been everything to Sirius! Your whole family had! It was unfathomable how he could actually end up like his family.

You wanted to believe that Sirius was innocent! It didn’t help that he never returned any letter that you sent him in prison. If he wanted to clear his name at least to you this was a shitty way to do it! It seemed Sirius was just going to let his girlfriend believe that he was a murderer!

“Aunt Y/n?”

Your head snapped up, hearing Harry’s voice on the other side of your closed door.

“I’ll be right out.”

You said softly. At the moment, you didn’t want to face Harry. You didn’t want him to see your tear-stained face. Unfortunately, you would have to soon though.

“I am so screwed.”

You muttered as you continued dressing. Today was THE day. Harry and yourself were moving to Grimmauld place and you would have to face Sirius.

“Stupid Voldermort and him coming back acting all rowdy...stupid jerk,”

You muttered, looking around your now empty bedroom. With the return of the biggest jerk on the planet, you agreed to Sirius’ family home to keep Harry safe. You could also get back into the order again.

“Yay for good times!”

Since the day, Harry came home from 3rd year and told you that Sirius wasn’t guilty; you knew that you would have to face your lover someday.

When Harry told you that Sirius was innocent, all you could do was sit and stare at your nephew....

“Y/n, did you hear me?

Harry asked softly. You could only nod as your nephew sat down beside you.

“He wants to see you. I believe that he is still in love with you.”

It was everything that you wanted to hear! Everything and some more, your mind supplied. Since the day that you had gained custody of baby Harry all of those years before you wanted nothing more than for Sirius to be part of your lives. You wanted him to be the godfather that he was supposed to be...the two of you could raise Harry as a family. Unfortunately, that dream was shot to hell!

“I can’t see him, Harry. Not now.”

You pulled yourself from the memory as Harry knocked again.

“Y/n, Remus is here to get us.”

(Meanwhile)

Sirius sat looking around his mother’s living room with disgust written all over his face. He absolutely hated being back here! Sure, it was better than prison but not as good as truly free. He felt like he was in a second prison that he couldn’t escape from. Being trapped in the place that tormented him as a child was enough to bring back some nasty PTSD!

He couldn’t go out and do anything so essentially he was in prison again with his mother’s screeching portrait to keep him company. Of course, there were always people coming and going but it was no one that he particularly wanted. They weren’t you.

Sirius should have been ecstatic that you were coming with Harry! He should have been thrilled to know that the one woman that he loved was going to be under the same roof as him...but he wasn’t. Sirius had a feeling that you still didn’t believe that he was innocent. The fact that you hadn’t come to him sooner told Sirius all that he needed to know.

His eyes went to the photo that was sitting on the fireplace. It was the one that was taken not long after graduation when the two of you moved in together. Everything about you was happy. Sirius could see the love radiating in your eyes as you smiled up at him. Something told him that look would no longer be in your pretty eyes anymore.

The man that you knew was long gone! Sirius wasn’t afraid to admit that. Sure, he was still similar but prison had changed him. You would be lucky to get a smile out of him. Sirius sighed. It was probably best to let go of any hopes of reconciliation. You didn’t need someone who would worry you with dark looks and distant expressions! You needed someone that could make you happy and laugh...the way he used to…

(1 hour later)

You stepped into the dark hallway for 12 Grimmauld Place behind Remus. Looking around quietly, you couldn't help but think how much the place hadn’t changed. Still dark and gloomy laced with oppression and sadness. The last time you were here was for one of Sirius’ mother’s pureblood “Our family is the best in the universe parties.”

Sirius’ mother had, for whatever, reason decided to let him bring a guest and the two of you didn’t disappoint! You wore a bright red scarlet dress while Sirius had on one of his school ties. He had taken extra care to make sure that his shoulder-length black hair was wild that night. Walburga Black about died from embarrassment. That was the last time that you were allowed in that house.

Remus glanced at you over his shoulder.

“Thinking about that party?”

You nodded.

“Yes.

Harry slammed the door behind him and there was a loud screeching in the other room.

“BLOOD TRAITORS! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

You immediately groaned.

“I thought that old bat died!”

You snapped following Remus into the room where a painting of Walburga Black hung. If she could the woman would have been hopping up and down in anger. She glared at everyone.

“FILTH! BLOOD TRAITORS! THE LOT OF YOU!”

You frowned, putting a hand out to stop Harry from moving closer.

“That’s obnoxious.”

You said as Sirius walked into the room to help Remus put the curtain over the painting. The air stopped in your lungs as you looked at him. Still perfectly handsome Sirius Black! You couldn’t help but swoon for a moment, however, you quickly stopped yourself as Walburga’s painting started screaming extra loud at the sight of her son.

“You filthy blood traitor...you are no son of mine!”

Sirius rolled his eyes. This wasn’t the first time that he had heard that!

“Shut up!”

When the old hag was finally shut up, Sirius and Remus exchanged an exhausted expression.

“Still no idea how to shut her up?”

Remus asked. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Gasoline and an oily rag is my next guess.”

Sirius turned his attention from Remus to where Harry and yourself stood. Harry quickly walked to his godfather and wrapped his arms around his neck.

“It's good to see you!”

Harry said happily. You were relieved to see Sirius actually smile a real smile. It wasn’t one of those fake ones that he was a master at. You watched the two with heartbroken eyes. This was everything that you had wanted from the beginning! You wanted a family with Sirius and Harry. The three of you could have been the perfect little family...if the fates would have allowed it.

When Harry let go of Sirius, his expression turned to you. The awkwardness slowly crept in...just as you imagined it would. He still looked mostly the same, just a bit older. Sirius still had that haughty handsome look to him that attracted you the first time as kids. The only thing different now was he didn’t smile when looking at you. Instead, he looked in pain. Was it guilt...you didn’t know.

“Hi, Y/n.”

Sirius was finally able to get out. Just looking at you was enough for him to know that he was still in love with you. Merlin, you were still perfect! 14 years had been good to your looks! Nothing seemed to be different!

When he said your name it was a gut-punch of emotions. You were heartbroken thinking about your stolen life and overjoyed to hear his voices saying your name.

“Hi, Sirius.”

Had it been 14 years ago, you would have blushed when he said your name, and Sirius would start flirting with you shamelessly. It didn’t matter how long the two of you had been dating; the man could make you blush with one sultry look,

“It's so good to see you.” He said, sounding almost too hopeful.

Remus put a hand on Harry’s shoulder to usher him out of the room. Harry, nor Remus himself, needed to watch this. It was going to be awkward enough without their presence. Remus knew that deep down you believed Sirius was innocent but you needed to hear it for yourself from Sirius directly.

Once they were out of the room, you finally looked up. You made a mental note to thank Remus for taking Harry out later.

“You didn’t write.”

Sirius frowned.

“I figured that you wouldn’t want to hear from me.”

You rolled your eyes before slightly laughing.

“I guess four letters a day for six months wasn’t enough of a clue. Excuse me, I should have been more obvious.”

Sirius frowned. He expected you to be distant but maybe not this hostile.

“Y/n, that isn’t what I meant. I thought...damn it I don’t know what I thought. I’ve missed you...not a day goes by…”

You shook your head.

“Tell it to the wall! You don’t know how badly that you have hurt me!”

Sirius quickly frowned. His hopeful mood was going to anger.

“Well, my life has been a fucking picnic!”

You winced, forgetting how loud he was when angry.

“Isn’t that lovely? I don’t know what you are expecting from me…”

Sirius clenched his right fist trying to hold back any venom that wanted to spill out of his mouth.

“I want to be a part of yours and Harry’s life...the way that I was supposed to.”

You shook your head.

“I have raised that boy on my own!”

“And you weren't supposed to.”

Sirius said, sadly. You looked down at your feet for a few moments before looking back to your fuming lover.

“That's what you get for messing with dark arts.”

Sirius went if possible redder with rage. For a moment, you wondered if he was going to come after you. Remus came popping back in.

“Okay. Okay! Happy catching up time is now over!”

Sirius turned his glare one his one remaining friend.

“She’s impossible!”

He turned and stormed from the room leaving you looking at the place he stood. Remus groaned before gently touching the small of your back.

“Come on, let's get you settled.”

_______

@cardboardbenmazzello (here’s another one to give a shot)

@brokencasbutt67-writer

@authoressskr

@fandom-trash-worth-it

@hankypranky

@summer-novak

@emiwrites3reads

@wontlookaway

@shitfaceddaniel

@stuckinsaudi1

@marichromatic

@maggiolim

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts

@shaylybaby2032

@untoldshortsofthefandoms

@knight-of-gleefulness

@deanwherescas

@sprnaturallover

#Harry Potter #Sirius Black #Sirius Black x Reader #Reader x Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Harry Potter AU #molly weasley #arthur weasley #walburga black #orion black #regulus black #harry potter fan fiction #aidan turner as Sirius Black #The Fall #ourloveisforthelovely

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joyseuphoria · 3 years

Text

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

Lily’s and Petunia’s relationship based on Taylor’s song Death by a thousand cuts

You can read it here or on ao3

_________

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts. More painful than death by the cruciatus curse. Lily Evans knows that feeling better than anyone. Petunia left her because she was a witch. Snape left her because she was a Mudblood. And none of them were her fault.

Lily still wakes up from the flashbacks she gets about the good times she and Petunia had. Those nights, she goes down to the common room and reads a book or completes her school work to distract herself because she knows there’s no point in going back to sleep. She wouldn't be able to anyways

One day in third year, when she starts dreaming about those good moments between her and Petunia with a haunted twist, she meets Sirius Black in the common room, because he experiences nightmares of his family too, and they figure out that they have a lot in common - shitty families. They have been good friends ever since. Something James was envious of. Lily got into her first fight with Snape when she was explaining her friendship with Sirius, he calls Sirius a blood traitor and Lily defends him.

In sixth year, Sirius brings the Firewhiskey he sneaks out of Hogsmede with him whenever they meet at the common room when they can’t sleep. She gets drunk and pretends that everything is okay but she knows that it’s not enough because the morning comes and it’s all back to the way it was. Sometimes, late in the night, when the fire in the common room starts to flicker, she looks through the window, gazing into the forbidden forest, and thinks about how Petunia’s love for her died.

She plays dress up with Marlene, Mary and Dorcas, staying up late in the night, just so she could kill her time because she knows she wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon. Sometimes, she takes the long way back to the common room just so she could be alone with herself so that she can worry because she knows that her friends won’t let her worry when she’s with them.

Once in third year she asked Sir Nicholas De Mimsy Porpington (other students used to call him Nick or Nearly Headless Nick but she always chose to call him Sir Nicholas out of respect) if everything would be alright between her and her sister, and he had had looked at her with such sympathy that she didn’t think was possible and answered saying that he doesn’t know but that he sure did know that everything happened for the best. The way he said it made her heart fill with so much hope and warmth that she still believes it.

What once was theirs, is no one’s now and that breaks her heart more than she cares to admit to their mother. She always sees her during the summer but resents the fact that Petunia can’t even stand the sight of her. They were not like any other pairs of sisters, they didn't speak about boys or fashion or anything, they fought, but they still manage to have small talk about the weather. They don’t share each other’s stuff like most sisters do. The only thing they share is this small town and their parents and a home, until Petunia marries Vernon Dursley.

Petunia tells her that they were inseparable, that they are the best sisters ever and will be that forever, when they are eight. Long before she meets Snape. But their story is over, yet she keeps writing pages about their non existent relationship.

She has taken Lily’s time, spirit, draining her emotional energy more than Snape ever could, heart, making it impossible for her to love anyone else again. Trust anyone else again. Petunia is the one who gave up on Lily, their songs, their films, everything they had together, as though Lily is a bad drug. And now all Lily does is search for any sign that indicates that they could be the same again in the ghost of their home. After all their home was a lawless land. Their parents gave up on them. They set no rules for the two. They ignore the squabbles between Petunia and Lily like they don’t exist.

She remembers how Petunia had immediately gotten rid of her fears when she held Lily’s hand to jump over the creek to the lake near their home when she was nine. Because they had planned to. They thought that it would be a good end of Summer activity for them. But now, when Lily makes plans for them to hang out, to spend the day with Petunia so that she could rebuild their friendship again, Petunia goes ahead and breaks them, inevitably breaking her. And she succeeds, after all Lily’s plans were as thin as paper and paper cuts sting the most. Lily tries and fails to find a part of her that Petunia hadn’t taken up yet, she gave Petunia too much but it was never enough, if the way Petunia behaves is any indication.

Lily knows she’ll be okay since she has Sirius as a brother, James as a boyfriend, and her friends Marlene, Mary, Remus, Peter and Dorcas and that they’ll never let her pretend it’s okay when it’s not. They’ll never let her feel lonely. They’ll do everything they can to lift her mood up. And she loves them all for it. But she knows that they know that no one can replace Petunia.

But still at the end of the day, she’ll be alright because it’s just a thousand cuts.

#Lily Evans #Petunia Evans #Sirius Black #James Potter #lily and petunia #mary macdonald #marlene mckinnon #Dorcas Meadowes #Harry Potter #Joy writes #fanfic #taylor swift #taylor nation #death by a thousand cuts #lover era #jily #only if you squint #black Evans

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gryffinslut · 3 years

Text

Drinking games- Sirius Black x Reader

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XD-zmjnvIJg&feature=youtu.be

youtube

Song: Drinking games- Silver Sphere

warnings: underage drinking, angst, heartbreak, my writing, swearing, like one slut shaming word, vomit,mention of food, wee bit of smutty actions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the party tonight

You said you couldn't leave my sight

'Cause you don't seem to like

The way the boys say I have pretty eyes

Isn't that right?

So we go for a ride

You'll cry, say that I make it alright

Gryffindor won the match against Slytherin and you already knew there would be a huge party in the common room to celebrate. You and your friends were really looking forward to it as Gryffindor throws some of the best parties at Hogwarts. The one and only Sirius Black had invited you as his date. He was one of your closest friends but you always had a crush on him. But you guys were only going as friends.

He came to you about things that he wouldn’t even go to James and Remus about because he always thought they would make fun of him for it. He swears up and down that he doesn’t like you more then a friend but you always think differently. Why else would he go to you for everything? Not to mention you were his first kiss.

Despite him saying he didn’t like you more than a friend, he always got pissed when people would flirt with you. Anytime at a party he would keep an eye on you to make sure no guy flirted with you and when someone did, he would tell them off. That’s what made people believe that you guys were dating.

Before the party, he asked you if you guys could talk about something. He expressed to you that he got an owl from his mother saying really awful things to him like how she wished he was never born and shit like that. It broke your heart once Sirius started crying.

“ I can’t take it anymore,” He cried.

“Sirius stop. You know damn well you’re a much better person than her. She says that because she’s so stuck in her old ways. Who the hell is she? Nobody,” you said and went to hug him.

He melted into your hug. This is why he came to you about things like this. You always knew what to say at times like this.

“Everything will be okay bubs, I promise,” you whisper.

“Your hugs are the best, Y/n,” he giggled.

You dance with our friends

Shining, shining

Laughing with them like you

Weren't just crying to me

But you know what I see

When you're looking at me

I am reminded that we'll never be

As you were getting ready for the party, you had a lot of thoughts going through your head. Why did Sirius say he didn’t like you, but he was so protective over you? Why does he flirt with you if he doesn’t like you that way? Why did he come to you for everything? Why are you wasting your time chasing after him?

“Hey Y/n! You excited for the party tonight?” Marlene asked.

“Yes! You need to help me pick out an outfit,” you replied.

“How about a red dress?”

“I knew you were going to say that,” you smiled.

“Yeah so we can be matching!” Marlene exclaimed and you raised your eyebrow.

“Ugh and so you can try and impress Sirius,” she added.

Marlene and a few other people knew about your crush and they always thought you guys should get together. Sirius had his suspicions about it but never said anything.

Once the party had started, Sirius’ attitude changed, especially when he got some liquor in his system. He was laughing and dancing and acting completely different opposed to how he was acting 10 minutes ago. He was dancing with some random girl that you never even exchanged more than a hello to. It kind of pissed you off because Sirius always did this.

He would always act like a different person once he started drinking. He’s a player and you know that you’re wasting your time trying to be more than friends but it’s just difficult to just walk away from him.

Next thing you know, Sirius and that girl were snogging. The most you’ve seen him do is just flirt with them or touch them while he’s dancing. You turn your attention towards Lily, James, Remus and Marlene. Aka the only people who know how you truly feel about Sirius and they look at you with worried expressions.

“Y/n i’m really sorry about him. You know how he is when he drinks. He just flirts with any cute girl,” Marlene says.

“No don’t worry about me. Don’t let me ruin your night,” you reply. “Let’s do shots,” James suggests. “Yes please,” I exclaimed.

Everyone has had about 5 or 6 shots but you’ve had about 12 or 13. You were pissed by that point and you felt so bitter towards Sirius and you wanted to make him jealous. “Remmy come dance with me!” You shouted over the loud music and grabbed his hand with a bottle of Vodka in your hand. “Y/n you need to slow down,” Remus said.

“Nah i’m fine,” you lied. You started to grind against him and you felt his cock growing hard in his pants. You took a long swing of the bottle and went to kiss him. You knew Sirius was watching the whole time and that’s exactly what you wanted. Suddenly you felt a hand grab your wrist and being dragged towards the boy’s dorm.

I wanna know if you're not okay

But I get too attached to the things you say

You don't care if I get home safe

'Cause I'm just another player in your drinking game

I wanna know if you're not okay

But I get too attached to the things you say

You don't care if I get home safe

'Cause I'm just another player in your drinking game

Sirius was dragging you to the boy’s dorm by the arm. As you’re walking, you’re yelling at him to let you go but he doesn’t listen. He opens the door to his dorm and sits you on his bed.

“Sirius what the fuck are you doing?” you yell.

“What was that little stunt you were trying to pull with Remus, huh? Are you trying to get a rise out of me because I was snogging with that girl?” he snaps.

“I wasn’t trying to get a rise out of you. I was just having fun! And why can’t I dance with Remus but you can put your lips on any slag you want to? you sound like a hypocrite!” you yell.

“It’s different for me! I know what i’m doing, you don’t!” he spits back.

“I’m leaving. I’m going back to the party.”

“No you’re not”

“Yes I am. But before i leave, have you got anything else to say to make yourself like sound like the most daft bloke on the planet?” you questioned, clenching your fists. He stood in silence and glared at you.

You exit his dorm and go back to the party. Once you got back to common room, you go to where the fire whiskey is and down the rest of the bottle. You felt yourself getting dizzy and soon your vision goes black.

Why do I chase you like

The distant rush of a first line?

Why do I waste so much time

When I know you'll never be mine?

You woke up to the sun shining right in your eyes. Your eyes scan across the room and you see that Lily and Marlene are already awake. Suddenly, your head starts pounding and you get a bad feeling in your stomach. You get up and run straight to the bathroom and throw up all of the food and dark colored drinks you had the night before.

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself.

You make your way back to your dorm and plop down on your bed.”Damn it why did you guys let me drink so much last night?” you groaned. “There was no stopping you honey, by your 15th shot, you passed out,” Lily says. “I think you were drinking your anger away,” Marlene adds and you groan again.

“Who brought me back up here?” you questioned. “Remus helped us carry you back up here,” Marlene replied. “ A real lad he is,” she added. “Oh my god Remus,” you groaned. You remembered what you did to him last night and he still helped you to your dorm. The embarrassment is haunting you now. “You should have seen his face, Y/n,” Marlene laughed.

You blushed. “Did Sirius ask about me?” you questioned. “I’m sorry love but he didn’t,” Lily replied. Your heart shattered. Even though you guys got into a fight, you thought the least he could do was check on you or ask one of them if you were okay. You didn’t know if you should feel pissed or sad.

Treat her right

Lying, lying

Like you weren't with me last night

Crying, throwing a fit

But you know what? That's it

I am better than this

And you say once we're sober we should just forget

You guys made your way to the great hall for breakfast and Lily and Marlene filling you in about what you didn’t remember about last night. You make your way to the table and sat next to Remus and avoiding eye contact with Sirius who was sitting next to the girl he was kissing last night.

“Remus, i’m really sorry about last night. I was really drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing,” you said.“I told you that last night but you didn’t listen to me,” Sirius chimes in. “Sorry I don’t recall your name being Remus,” you snapped. “Don’t worry about it love,” Remus replies.

As breakfast continues, all Sirius does is flirt with the girl and talks about how “good” his life is. You all know how much of a lie that is. His life is far from good. His family treats him terribly just because of the different views he has. It was all just an act. He’s such a liar. A liar and a player. But you still loved him.

Tomorrow when I wake up I know what you'll say

Say that you care but that it was a mistake

And I'll be so upset for the rest of my day

'Til you call me cutie and ask if we're drinking

The next party Gryffindor was throwing was tonight and you were debating if you wanted to go. Sirius and that girl were not together anymore and deep down you were thrilled.

As you and your friends got to the common room, Sirius looks at you with a sorrowful look. You decided that it was time to stop ignoring him and talk. “Siri, can I talk to you for a minute?” you ask. He nods and you guys walk into the hallway.

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you like that,” he says. “You were right about me. I’m a daft bloke and you have every reason to be pissed at me still and if you don’t want to be friends anymore I understand.”

“I’m sorry too. I should have never called you that. Or said anything about the girl you kissed. It wasn’t my place to tell you what-,” you were cut off by Sirius grabbing you by the waist and kissing you. You were shocked at first but kissed back. You both pulled back and you were a blushing mess. “It took you long enough to come around,” you giggled.

“So, are we drinking tonight, cutie?”

#harry potter blog #harry potter blurb #harry potter fanfiction #harry james potter #harry potter #sirius black blurb #sirius black #sirius x y/n #sirius imagine #remus lupin #james potter #marlene mckinnon #lily evans

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im-captain-egg · 4 years

Text

Wolfstar & honesty

a couple of headcanons for the Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest by @swottypotter!

Sirius doesn’t lie

like never

he grew up in a household were being dishonest was punished

even now away from home he has trouble with not telling the truth

instead he says things that are technically true but won’t get him in trouble

or things that sway away from the actual question

“it was not not me but it also could have been someone else”

“oh, minnie. do you really think of me that bad? you look fantastic as ever, by the way. green really brings out your eyes. how’s the family?”

you get the point

James usually shits his pants when they ask Sirius the questions instead of him

he somehow manages to pull it off anyway

Remus lies to protect himself

being a werewolf and trans is already too much to handle for himself

he builds a wall around him to keep himself safe

lying about where he goes every full moon (”seeing my mother, she’s very sick”, “detention”, etc.) or why he always locks himself in the bathroom to get changed

over time he learns to be more honest about who he is

the Marauders make him feel more comfortable

after they start dating, they decide to always be honest with each other

both of them come with a lot of baggage so communication is key

the first time Sirius lied to Remus was when he tried to tell him “i love you” in 7th year but James barged in

instead he told him “can i copy your potions homework?”

the first time Remus lied to Sirius was when he tried to tell him “i love you” in 7th year but James barged in

instead he quietly handed Sirius his potions homework

& now another ficlet!

Today is the day, Sirius thinks with a smile. He holds Remus’ hand in his own and rushes up the stairs to the Gryffindor Tower. Remus laughs behind him, a little drunk on butterbeer. They just returned from Hogsmeade and Sirius wants to have their dorm room to himself for a moment before Peter and James join them.

He stammers out the password, stumbling over his own words in excitement. He has thought about this exact moment for a while, he wants to make it special, wants to make sure that he and Remus are alone.

The door to their dorm room swings open. Remus and Sirius stumble inside, a flying mess of entangled limbs and giggles. Remus lands beneath Sirius on his bed and Sirius’ mind goes blank for a split second.

Remus’ smile is bright, his golden eyes look like whiskey swirling in a crystal glass, freckles like stars scattered across his cheeks.

Sirius dips his head down and places a soft kiss on Remus’ lips, darting his tongue out and tasting him up. Caramel, cinnamon, chocolate.

“Someone’s eager,” Remus giggles, brushing their noses together before kissing Sirius again.

Sirius huffs, brushing a curl out of Remus’ face, taking in the sight below him once more. “I want to tell you something,” he says softly, summoning all the courage he requires.

Remus sits up a little, supporting himself on his forearms and crooks his head. “Good, me too. You start,” Remus says with a smile, bringing one hand up to brush his thumb over Sirius’ cheekbone.

I love you, Sirius thinks.

I loved you ever since I saw you step onto Platform 9 ¾ three years ago after I haven’t seen you all summer. You looked so different but so good. You suddenly were taller than me but I didn’t mind.

I loved you ever since you crawled into bed with me whenever I had nightmares, the way you held me tight all night. And you would let me do the same for you.

I loved you ever since you had chocolate smeared all over your face and let me wipe it off. You started to blush furiously under my touch. Even the tips of your ears were bright red.

I loved you ever since you started to call me Padfoot among our friends but Sirius in private. I like the way you say my name. You make it sound so soft, almost like a prayer.

Sirius snaps back to reality as James storms into the dorm room with a loud laugh. “You guys would never believe what Petey just-” He stops in his tracks, spotting the couple on Remus’ bed. “Oh,” he says and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry!” he yells and steps back out onto the corridor, closing the door behind him.

Remus clears his throat. “Anyway, what was it that you wanted to tell me?”

Sirius swallows and crawls off of Remus, slumping down onto the mattress next to him. “Can I copy your potions homework?” he asks, turning his head to face Remus.

For a moment, there is silence but then Remus nods slowly. “Sure,” he says, gets up and walks over to his pile of parchment.

“Didn’t you want to tell me anything?” Sirius asks as he watches Remus.

I love you, he wants to yell. He wants the entire school to hear it but the words just won’t come out.

Remus hands him a parchment roll with a tense smile. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

I love you, Sirius thinks and clutches the parchment to his chest.

—

read it on ao3!

#10daysofhealing #wolfstarcomfortminifest #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #marauders headcanon #james potter #marauders #harry potter #my tag

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monbeauloup · 3 years

Text

Where all the poets go to die || 𝖂𝖔𝖑𝖋𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗

Summary: Remus and Sirius write each other letters, while he’s in Azkaban.

Warnings: none

A/N: This is a fanfiction, which will be multiple chapters long. You might want to follow me for updates. I would also greatly appreciate some feedback or your thoughts on my writing in general.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

(𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝟏)

Remus never felt so completely and utterly lost in his whole life before. He didn’t intend to tell anyone about the part, that’s tearing him apart and yet he’s sitting on the soft cushion of a chair, that belongs to no one other than the Weasleys. Like now, in quiet moments of reflection, he feels tears spring into the corner of his eyes and he quickly wipes away the ones, that have unknowingly begun to fall down his face. The room is silent, except for a kettle, which is quietly cooking on the kitchen stove. Through the open window, he can smell the cold autumn wind. It drifts over his head and when he closes his eyes, he comes up. Again and again, he comes to him and the once loved memories, the ones he now so despises, come crashing over him and ripple throughout his body.

"I never felt about anyone, the way i feel about you," Sirius says, thumb caressing Remus' cheek as they lie on the bed in their shared apartment. He’s tucked into Sirius' lap, resting his head against his chest how he did on that fateful day. "Nothing in the universe will ever tear us apart."

How wrong Sirius had been, Remus thinks. Swallowing, his eyes close tightly and he tries to find a way to drown his thoughts out. Sirius is gone and all he left him with is his crumpled heart. How could he join Voldemort’s side and betray both James and Lily? It feels as if he’s always on the verge of waking up from a bad dream and sometimes, when it all becomes unbearable, he thinks about giving up. Falling apart at the seams, knowing he’ll never be who he once was, but there’s a whole other side that he’s desperately holding on to. The part he fell in love with. The side of him that created a ‘happily ever after’ in his head. But then the realization hits. The realization, that it’s all been an act. He loves and was never loved back and the hardest part of this process is trying to reconcile the two seemingly polarised sides.

Before he was alone. Distracted by his own thoughts and emotions, but now, two figures stand by, observing quietly from the shadows. Molly Weasley gazes down upon him with concern and quiet understanding. The wonder of what to say lives in her mind. She startles slightly, as the teakettle begins to whistle and a few seconds later, the face of her husband comes into sight. Remus seems slowly return to reality, as Arthur Weasley kneels down with a cup of freshly brewed tea and eyes him worryingly.

“Remus -”

The silence lingers, the voice numbing his senses. He glances around before reaching for the cup.

“Thank you.. Arthur,” Remus whispers.

The tea soothingly warms him from the inside and it’s almost too much. He has gotten so used to the newfound cold within.

“Are you alright? Is there something you need?” The concern drips in Molly’s voice and Remus frowns. His wounded self screams at the back of his head. They don’t understand. He’s been hurt in ways, he never excepted to be hurt and there’s no way out.

“I’m fine,” he mutters instead. A sad smile curving his lips.

Molly just continues to look him concerningly due to her well known nurturing and caring nature. She and Arthur give each other a silent look and a nod before she leaves and Arthur takes seat in the chair opposite from Remus.

“You have to make something out of all these feelings within you,” Arthur speaks up. His voice is silent and raw and the fact that he sees him in such a vulnerable state, makes Remus' heart swell.

“Have you thought about writing him a letter?”

Remus takes a while to answer, too taken aback by his suggestion. A letter? How could he factor all his anger and frustration into just a mere letter? Besides, Sirius doesn’t care. He never cared. He took everyone down with him and did it on purpose.

“Well... i don’t know how,” Remus finally says with a shake of his head.

He feels Arthur’s big and warm hand on his arm, grounding him. His dark blue eyes full of concern.

“Write to him.”

Remus eyes stay fixed on him, feeling that Arthur isn’t wiling to let this go. He notices a tightness throughout his body and he didn’t even realize, that he had been tensing up and holding his breath.

“He betray-” Remus stops mid sentence. His heart pounding in his chest and tears burning in his eyes. “You don’t think there’s a chance that he could be innocent, do you?”

Arthur clears his throat. “I refused to believed it at first, but witnesses saw him... twelve Muggles.. an extremely powerful explosive curse....”

To hear it out loud, makes Remus fall still, eyes slowly closing.

“You have to free some of the anger and hurt, that lingers inside you. I can see it’s killing you,” Arthur says in a soft voice.

Remus looks up and nods, knowing that it’s true. He knows that Arthur is right and that all the memories inside his heart could break him in half. Shatter him.

“If there’s a way, i’ll write him. I’m sorry for -”

“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for,” Arthur interrupts him, while he shifts slightly in his chair. “Prisoners are usually not permitted to correspond with the outside world, but i'll talk to Dumbledore. You can use Asora, our owl, as well. Don't hesitate to ask us anything.”

Remus heart almost burst with untold affection for this man. “Thank you. For everything,” he says.

The slight hint of a smile he receives in return, makes him forget everything for a mere few seconds and Remus knows to treasure it well. Sincere or forced, it mattered little — The gesture was appreciated all the same.

“Anytime.”

He feels his heart unclench. A few minutes of silence pass by, until Remus gently nods towards the door.

“I better be leaving. It’s been a long day.”

He gets up off the chair and before he heads out the door, he gives Arthur a quick hug.

"Say thank you to Molly for me."

"I'll. Just keep holding on, Remus. We’re waiting for you."

With a tiny hint of a smile on his lips, he slips through the doorway and lets the sweet cold air reach his lungs. Arriving at home, alone, he warms himself in front of the fireplace, where a bright and cozy fire burns. It’s been a long day and all he wants, is some peace and quiet, but Remus feels a restlessness he can’t shake. Nothing is bothering him. No sound, no smell, nothing. Everything is calm, except him. Slowly, his eyes drift to his writing desk. Though his body doesn’t want to move, keeping still seems an impossible task. Finally, he just gives up, sits down at his desk and pulls out a jar of ink and some paper.

~*~

To Sirius Black

November 12th 1981

It’s almost impossible to forget you.

Your absence and betrayal is the most painful thing i had to ever go through. Being so close and watching you disappear hurts the most. James and Lily are dead because of you. How could you, Sirius? I’ve been lied to by the person, who has always treated me with the most daring respect, who listened to my interests and even for a little while, made me feel and know love in a way that no one else ever has. How could i’ve been so blind? I can’t take it anymore. I wish to depart so far and free. Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?

Truth is, shatter my heart and soul, i never wish to see you again. Sometimes, i long to feel the same one more time, but it hurts. My soul is frozen and there’s no sun to warm it.

You weren’t just a star to me, you were my whole damn sky.

I love you, but i hate you so much. You’re nothing but a liar, making us think that the friendship and love we shared was real and then you turn your back on us and betray us in such a vile manner. Your sins will never be forgotten.

Everything reminds me of you. Your scent is a sweet felony. Sometimes i wonder, if i'll ever fall in love again. I wonder what it would look like. How would i act? Is it the same as the first time? Or more cautious? I’m curious. I have this feeling, that i want to feel it again, but i don't at the same time. I’ve been hurt so deeply and i wish you a lifetime of coming to terms with the pain you caused. I hope you can live with yourself, even though i wish you’re constantly reminded of what you’ve done.

Farewell, Sirius.

Remus

There's a sinking feeling in his chest as he finishes the letter. For a while, he remains emotionless in his seat, while he processes every syllable.

His own words bring him to tears and suddenly it all seems too blurred in the way that his heart sinks everytime he thinks of Sirius in their bed. Waiting for someone who will never be his, who will never come to him. He picks the letter, reads it a second time and his salty tears burn the little scar, that rests on his chin. He goes to bed on an empty stomach that night, crying until his pillows are soaked.

#marauders #marauders era #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #lily evans #molly weasley #arthur weasley #wolfstar #padfoot x moony #azkaban #harry potter

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idhrenniel · 4 years

Text

She’s Not Afraid | Sirius Black

➴ Summary: Based on the One Direction song “she’s not afraid”.

➴ Pairing: Sirius Black / fem!reader (3rd pov).

➴ Warnings: None I can think of.

➴ Wordcount: 1.1K

➴ Requested: Yes. By anon.

➴ Tagged: @angelaiswriting @jj-maybnk @figlia--della--luna

➴ Author Note: I can’t believe an anon forced me to listen to a 1D song but you know what... them lyrics was good. I hope you like it, it’s angst as fuck for some reason.

Sirius Black watches from a corner, drinking something he can’t remember the name of, but that is strong enough to make him forget the pain growing inside of him.

She dances and laughs, and spins around with people she has never met before. She makes the room gravitate towards her, as if she’s the light those people need to live. Men and women stop in their tracks to look at her, smile and speak as if an old friend was.

She doesn’t fear the attention. She’s not afraid of this, no.

When she’s tired, all she does is look towards the corner Sirius spends most the night in. She has tried to get him to dance before but he refuses, because he knows she doesn’t want people to know that when the night ends, he will be the one taking her home. This is their secret.

Sirius is the first to leave the place, walking a couple of streets to where he parks his bike. He is often tempted to show her what it can do, but he can’t expose himself and his magic like that, no matter how much he trusts her. He just can’t.

After a few minutes, she sneaks up behind him, kissing his neck and laughing. She spins around like she’s still on the dance floor.

“What’s wrong, babe?” She whispers against his mouth.

I want more, he thinks, but never again will he speak those words. He knows the consequences.

He shakes his head, “nothing.”

Another laugh, one kiss in the dark that gets her moaning, and she’s against his back on the bike passing the streets of London like… magic. He can hear her breathing and feel it fall against his neck. She moves a little bit closer to him, making his heart go wild.

He isn’t sure for how much longer he’ll be able to take it. Almost afraid his heart will give out. She is killing him each time she kisses him, each time she welcomes him to her house, then closes the door on his face after he asks for more...more...more. He should know better.

There’s nothing she’s afraid of, except for falling in love. Sirius can see the fear present when he holds her hand, when he hugs her after climax. When he tells her that he’s in love with her, begs for a chance to prove to her their relationship is fate, all she has to tell him is…

…”No. It’s not real. Come back to the real world. Goodnight.”

Sirius turns off the bike and she gets off. She runs up to her doorstep and opens the door, going in. She leaves the door open for Sirius to come in after her.

He could turn on the bike and go home. He’s tired of showing her he knows her worth and he’s not with her for a game. What more can he do? How can he stop this madness from occurring if this madness is keeping him alive? He’s weak. He can’t help it.

He goes in tonight. He’s fallen again.

_______________________________________________________

“I think it was her friends. Told her that I’d break her heart and she doesn’t want that to happen.” Sirius tells James while the two are shopping for the summer vacation.

James, who doesn’t know and doesn’t bother to learn how to hold back, laughs at his friend. It’s not an uncommon thing to see… not since Sirius met her. “It’s not her friends. Just like a month ago she was not testing you to know if you knew her worth. You’re a fool, mate.”

Sirius shoves James, but he knows his friend is right. He’s done all he could to be there for her and take that fear from her heart but nothing’s worked.

“I can’t help it, James. I love her. Nothing’s going to change that. Each night she calls and tells me all of her dreams and I know I want to be there with her when she makes them happen. But, I also know that she won’t let me. It’s killing me, James.”

He turns his face when he sees the pitiful look that Prongs is giving him. “We can tell. Mum tells me about the late night calls. She also told me the phone has not rung in almost a week.”

Sirius nods, sighing and letting his head fall down. It’s his fault.

A week ago he again told her he loved her, he hasn’t talked to her ever since. He misses the late night calls and the talks of hopes and dreams. He misses her, plain and simple.

“We’re in the middle of a war,” Sirius whispers all of a sudden, “and I’m here, worried about some girl that will never love me back. I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Love is complicated, would it not be, I know a few hundred thousand artists who would be out of business.” James tells him, grabbing a box of cereal Sirius hates. “Even if we weren’t at war, she still would exist. You still would be hurting over her. This has to end, Sirius.”

Sirius watches as James goes to the checkout. He runs up to him, “I’ve got something to do.” As he receives approval from James, Sirius takes off.

It’s past midnight during mid-winter, London is covered in snow and the golden lights that illuminate the streets reflect upon it, making it seem as if the ground and the top of the houses are glowing. This is such a beautiful sight that Sirius needs to take in, forgetting for a few moments what he’s going there, and the war, and all the pain.

“Sirius?” It’s her voice that brings him back. Making him turn around in surprise. Some people walk past them, some have tears running down their faces. Sirius looks behind her and sees the cinema closing up, with a big poster of a new horror movie at the front.

She loves horror movies. She’s not afraid of them. No, she’s not afraid.

He clears his throat. “Was it a good movie?” She nods, smiling. He fights himself to not get lost on that smile and let his lips speak the words his mind is begging him to speak.

“I can’t keep doing this. I know I’ve said this before, but I can’t.”

She’s holding his hand before he’s gone, because each time he’s told her he can’t do this, she’s been back at his door.

She’s kissing him before he can’t react, but when he does, instead of pushing her from him, he brings her closer to him.

She’s so afraid of falling in love...

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imaginejamesandsirius · 3 years

Note

I love your writing and get super happy when I get a notification about this series. My prompt would be: Sirius tries to get Regulus to leave the death eaters and gets roped into trying to destroy the horcrux with him. Sirius drinks the potion instead and this whole mess somehow ends with James and Sirius getting together. Would love some angst!!!

((A/N: Warning for mentions of suicide))

"You sure about this?" Regulus asked nervously.

Sirius gave him a flat look. "It's a bit late to change your mind now," he said, gesturing to the cave around them. Crossing the water hadn't been easy since the boat was designed to only carry one, and now, standing in front of the basin with the necklace visible on the bottom was kind of the worst time to decide that he didn't want to do this anymore. Their goal was in sight; even if Regulus decided to leave, it would mean that Sirius had to try this on his own. He would prefer not to try that, but he couldn't, in good conscience, walk away.

"Not that. I just meant- you're better at thinking on your feet. Maybe I should be the one to drink it."

Sirius shook his head. "No way. You know more about Voldemort and what's going on with the Death Eaters than I do. If the potion is designed to kill the drinker, we'd still need you alive and well."

"You're not going to die from drinking it."

"You know that for sure?" Sirius asked, tying back his hair. He had no idea how this was going to go, and he didn't want his hair in his face for it.

"Are you suicidal and I'm just now learning about it?" Regulus asked, looking alarmed.

"For fuck's sake, Regulus. Take a deep breath, and calm down."

"I can't believe you are telling someone to calm down, and if there were ever a moment to panic, I should think you'd agree that now is a fitting time."

"Panicking is going to make it hard for you to think. Just remember: as soon as you can, grab the necklace and get out."

"I'm not leaving you behind."

"I'll be fine. I'm not planning on dying in a cave in the middle of nowhere," he said with a smirk.

Regulus wasn't the least bit comforted by that. He knew Sirius was lying-- he wouldn't be fine.

Sirius took a deep breath and picked up the cup sat on the side of the basin. "Here goes nothing," he muttered.

Regulus felt like he was in some state of shock. His body was moving automatically, but it's like his brain was frozen in place. He'd seen Sirius have all sorts of emotional outbursts-- from angry and screaming at their parents to silent and shaking. This was a first for seeing him cry so hard he couldn't breathe. Sirius had been fine drinking the liquid at first, but the effects were cumulative. He got a little choked up after a few cups, and by the end, Regulus had been helping him drink it. He hadn't wanted to, but Sirius had figured out about halfway through that he wouldn't be able to finish all on his own.

It had been a steady spiral downwards for Sirius, but that didn't make seeing the end result any easier. He was a wreck, and it wasn't getting any better. Regulus had been sure that it wouldn't kill him at first, but after seeing him vomit because of how hard he was crying, he started to doubt it. He needed to get Sirius help, and he needed to do it fast. He couldn't just walk into St. Mungo's after betraying the Dark Lord with his brother in tow and expect for nothing bad to happen.

That left him with one option-- or at least one option that he could currently think of.

Personally, he didn't trust Potter. He didn't know him, and he didn't care to. But he needed help-- both with the necklace and with Sirius-- and there was no one better than Potter for that.

Sirius was heavy. Regulus hadn't thought about it before, but Sirius was taller than him and almost twice as big around. Regulus had never felt like a bloody stick before, but he was wearing himself out trying to drag him around. It was something of a miracle that he hadn't fallen over, to be honest. He landed with a grimace on Potter's front stoop, then kicked the door-- he couldn't take an arm away from Sirius for long enough to knock unless he wanted to drop him. He waited a couple seconds, then kicked the door again. "Come on, come on, come on," he chanted, hoping desperately that Potter was home; if he wasn't, they were buggered. He kicked the door again, sending jolts up his leg.

"What the hell are you-" James said, yanking the door open. His eyes darted from Regulus's face to Sirius's slumped form. "The fuck happened?" he asked, hurrying forward to take Sirius's weight.

Regulus's arms felt like jelly. Numbly, he followed him into the house and closed the door behind himself.

"Oi, I asked you a question. What happened?"

"There was- I needed help," he said, voice small.

"With what?" James asked, maneuvering Sirius onto the couch.

Regulus didn't want to talk about it, but he knew that he had to answer a few questions before Potter would relax.

Sirius felt like utter shite when he woke up. The nightmares-- or whatever they were called-- called by the potion had been... vivid. Overly realistic like he was reliving every single moment of the worst day of his life.

He'd realised, one day back in Hogwarts, that James wasn't going to ever be interested in him. It had him hard. James had gone on a date, and then he'd been so excited about it that he'd started to tell Sirius every little detail-- just like they did with everything else. Sirius had snapped at him halfway through and told him that he didn't want to hear about that shite; James hadn't understood why he was getting upset and got mad in return. There had been a decent amount of insults thrown back and forth, and Sirius had stormed out. He'd spent half of the night away, and he'd seriously considered never going back. He'd been hurt and angry and so depressed that he felt like he couldn't even pretend to be okay. In his opinion, he'd had worse days, but that was the only one that had been horrible where James was concerned. Everything else, he'd had James around to comfort him afterwards. For that, he'd been all alone. He couldn't exactly go running off to James when James was the problem.

Sirius wasn't suicidal. But he had been that night. Looking back on it, it felt stupid, but reliving it had reminded him of why he'd been thinking about it. It hadn't been stupid that night.

It meant that when he woke up, not only did he have a tender stomach from vomiting and a headache from crying, but he also felt... fragile. He wondered where Regulus had brought him, because he knew as soon as he opened his eyes that he wasn't in hospital.

"Hey," James said softly, off to the side.

Sirius rolled his head to the side to look at him.

He gave a small smile, looking worried. "How do you feel?"

"Been better," Sirius said, swallowing. "Is Regulus okay?"

"He's fine. He's asleep in a guest room."

Sirius nodded, eyes closing again. He felt James brush some hair away from his forehead and press a kiss to the skin there.

"I could've been there if you told me about it," James said, softly reproaching.

"Regulus didn't know who to trust," Sirius mumbled. Sleep was tugging at him again, and he knew they'd have time to talk about it later. For now, it was enough for him to be reminded that James didn't hate him.

The next time he woke up, he knew it was for several hours. The trouble was that he'd rather go back to sleep. He didn't see anyone as he got off the couch and walked to the kitchen for some water. He didn't feel firm enough to stay standing, so he sat at the table to sip gingerly at his drink. He'd need to brush his teeth soon, because this wasn't sustainable.

He got halfway through his glass before James walked into the room. "Feeling any better?" James asked.

"A bit," Sirius said. He winced at how rough his voice sounded. His throat didn't hurt, and he didn't really remember much about last night. Or whenever it was that he'd gone to the cave with Regulus. After losing time first with the potion then with sleeping so much, he didn't know how long it had been. "How long was I sleeping?"

"Couple days," James said with a shrug. "Lily came by to check up on you."

Lily was training to be a medi-witch, so it made sense that she would've been by. What didn't make sense was that Regulus hadn't protested; he wasn't a blood supremacist anymore, but he'd made it clear that he wouldn't be comfortable around Sirius's mates. He hadn't exactly been lucid for it, but he assumed that the only reason he'd gone to James was because he hadn't known what to do with Sirius otherwise. And, given the choice between Sirius possibly dying and talking to someone he'd rather avoid, Regulus would always choose to talk to someone he'd rather avoid.

"Is Regulus still here?" Sirius asked.

"Not right now. He's with Dumbledore, filling him in on what he knows about Voldemort. I told them that they could stay here, but Dumbledore insisted. I figured you wouldn't mind since there's nowhere safer than with Dumbledore. And er, I guess safe is where you want your brother? You're talking again? Or still?"

"Again," Sirius said. "I wouldn't have been able to keep something like that from you even if I wanted to. Did he tell you what me being sick was about?"

"Yeah. Pretty sure he didn't want to, but I was sort of freaking out." He admitted it easily, utterly unashamed of it. He still looked worried, even though Sirius was okay now. "You should've told me what you were doing before you left."

"You were on a date," Sirius said. It was a weak excuse, and he knew it. There was no easy way for him to explain that any time James said he had a date, Sirius left him the fuck alone. He never wanted to do anything that could make James think he was jealous. It had been stupid and he knew it, but he'd figured that James couldn't get too mad at him for not telling him if he got injured-- and if he didn't get hurt at all, then he would've been able to tell James that there had been no reason to worry.

"That's not the point. You should always tell me when you're going to do something stupidly dangerous so that I can be available if you need help. What would you have done if I wasn't home?"

The thing was, Sirius knew when James was deflecting. So instead of answering his question, he said, "You were on a date, weren't you?"

Guilt flashed across his face.

"What, you lie to me now? About dates?" Sirius had thought he did a pretty good job of hiding his crush, but if James was lying to him about going on dates, clearly he hadn't hidden shite. "What the hell?"

James swallowed, averting his eyes for a moment to peer at the floor. He toed a piece of dirt. "I didn't want you to worry about me."

"What the buggering hell were you doing that I would've worried about?" If James said that he was going into Knockturn Alley all by himself in the middle of the night, Sirius was going to kill him.

"Nothing," he said, taking a seat at the table.

Sirius glared at him suspiciously.

"Nothing! I swear. I just sit at home when I tell you I have a date."

"Why the hell would you do that? If you don't want me to visit, you can just say so."

"No- fucking hell, no that's not what it is."

"Then what is it?"

James looked at him for a long moment. There was something haltingly hopeful in his eyes, but it was clear that he was trying to tamp down on it. "You really don't know?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Am I supposed to know why you lie to me just to sit at home all by yourself?"

"I didn't want you to figure out that I'm in love with you. I knew it would make things weird. Hell, the only reason I'm fessing up to it now is because Regulus figured it out, and I didn't want him to drop it on you out of nowhere. He thought we were together, you know," James said. "You kept saying my name when you were hallucinating, so he asked me. I guess I didn't answer in a way that wasn't suspicious. He'd make a great interrogator," he added thoughtfully. "He stared at me, and it felt like everything came spilling out."

Sirius blinked. James had said that he loved him like it wasn't even a revelation. "You love me?" he asked hoarsely.

"Well yeah," James said, pairing the statement with a soft, small smile. The sort of smile he did when he looked at Sirius like he was the most wonderful thing in the world-- like he was looking at him right now.

Sirius's throat worked. "I kind of want to kiss you silly, but I'm not really feeling up to standing. Would you erm- help me out and come over here?"

"You- me?"

"Not going to snog anyone else," Sirius said.

James scrambled over to him, nearly knocking over his chair. Only instead of kissing Sirius, he wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight.

"Hey, my lips are down here," Sirius joked.

"Believe me, I know," James muttered, like he'd thought about kissing him a hundred times-- and he had. "I want to wait until you can stand on your own for that though."

"I can stand," Sirius protested.

"For more than two minutes?"

"You're making this harder than it needs to be," Sirius muttered, but he relaxed into James's chest. He'd get a kiss soon enough. And after that, as many kisses as he wanted.

#prongsfoot #marauders #james potter #sirius black #regulus black #fanfic #suicide tw #filled #first war #getting together #siriuslystarbucks #Anonymous

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lchufflepuffcorn · 4 years

Text

Scared of the moonlight (Remus Lupin x Reader x Sirius Black)

Author’s note: Heya there! So I literally ripped my heart of my chest writing this. 🙃

Words: 1282

Warning: Angst, the gif is not mine, it belongs to it’s owner/ creator , not Wolfstar.

You can find my masterlist here and my ask box is open!!

The 12 Square Grimmaurd was not a luminous and happy place. It was dark, dusty and green. You couldn't decide if it was because of the paint, or if it was mould. Did you want to know? Not really. There is a fine line between being sombre and being dirty in a house, and that line is blurry in the Black Household. You sit in the kitchen; your arms crossed over your chest, and your eyes a fixated on the older man before you.

"No."

The older man chuckles. His half-moon glasses fall a little bit on his seemingly once or twice-broken nose as he down his head towards his hands. But his blue eyes never lose sight of yours. "I understand your reticence (Y/L/N), but we have no other choice."

"I can't just abandon my job, Albus. Some students count on me to be there in September," you argue. Your job as a teacher in one of the Canadian bilingual schools was what made you live throughout the war. The WhiteStar Academy of Magic was your home more than Hogwarts ever was.

"I've already talked with your director on the matter, (Y/L/N). The order count's on you."

Rage is all you can feel at the moment. Black and Lupin are sitting there too, face down, not pipping a word. They know your anger is one of a kind. At least time did not erase that from their memory. It seems that except Lily and James, they remember nearly nobody of your group of friend that died. As if Dorcas and Marlene never existed. As if Frank and Alice didn't lose their mind. As if Harry was the only one without parents after the war. And Black, selfishly going after the real traitor, making everyone believe he was it. You send them a heartfelt glare, and they seem to shrink even more in their sit.

"Why ask me if it's already decided. You act like we are still your students, Albus. We aren't I have a job that I love, students that need my help, even more now because of this situation. I'm not leaving them in front of this shit hole of a situation now!"

"The director of your school proposed to give you an alleged timetable for the year."

It went for hours. Back and forth, and you grew angrier by the minute. It ended with you admitting defeat. Albus could never lose, even if it hurt you saying so. The summer had just started, and already the 12 Square Grimmaurd was filling itself with people from the order, Mad-Eye-Moody, Shacklebolt, Tonks, it was never-ending. On the rare time Remus, you and Sirius were alone, it was explosive, in a silent kind of way.

The past was something you didn't like to remember. Feelings hurt. Love and friendship were fragile, and you knew too much of the sickness it gave when it disappears or breaks. There were nights where you couldn't sleep, and usually, neither could the two men. It was during those nights when all the rage and sadness you had felt those fourteen years came out.

"Trust goes both ways, Lupin. How can I trust you now that I know you never trusted me enough to tell me what you are?" and "Did you ever think, Black, that maybe Harry would have wanted to live with you instead? That maybe he would have needed you, and you weren't there. Instead, you tried to kill Peter and look where that got you!" You didn't care if you hurt them. They did hurt you first.

They didn't dare to speak against you, seeing you cry while screaming at them about their wrongs. They knew it was like therapy to you.

Remus was typically the one talking back at you when the full moon was near. He was also the one to walk out without speaking, and it was Sirius who spoke you into sleeping those nights. It usually ended up with you passing out in his arms.

There were nights where you would fall asleep crying. Marlene and Dorcas weren't there anymore, and all you could do in this house of old memories was to remember all of your discussions. Crushes and heartbreaks and your heart would flinch at those thoughts. Long gone were the times you talked about Remus blushing now…

You were in Canada when they brought Harry to the Hogwarts Express, but you were fuming when you received his letter. The news of having a God Mother had the boy overjoyed. Screaming is what met Sirius the second you opened the door of his family's house, waking up the portrait of his mother. Her screaming reached yours.

"You're still angry with me?" Asked Sirius that night, while everybody else was either asleep or had left. You shrugged.

"I don't think I'll ever get over what you've done… But at the same time, I guess that it's a very 'Sirius' thing to do." That made him smile sadly.

As weeks passed, your heart melted slowly. Sirius wanted only two things: going to Lily and James' graves and meeting with Alice and Frank at least once more. You took him, both times. It helped to get out of the house, where Tonks was flirting with Remus each time she could. Your heart would break each time, but you smiled and still talked with her about the trouble she had communicating with him.

''He is a tough person to read.'' You considered to her one night while drinking a hot tea. Molly was stirring soup at the other side of the kitchen, humming softly. Tonks only nodded.

On the 31 of October, you apparated to Godric's Hollow, Sirius, in his shaggy black dog form beside you. You had never seen Sirius cry before. The hiccups he was having as a dog were representative of his mental status. That night, you sat with him for a long while in the cemetery.

There were nights where you went back in time, Remus, you and Sirius were back in Hogwarts, laughing near a fire without a care in the world. During those times, your heart was aching for a touch from your long time crush. The adult you, the one who was seeing daily the lovestruck gaze that Tonks looked Remus with, was against it. You had spent years living perfectly well without him in your life. Maybe, it just wasn't meant to be. It was a beautiful dream when you were younger, but you needed to be mature now, and realistic.

After Christmas, that's when Tonks and Remus started to be interested in each other mutually. You couldn't bear to watch it. You spent some time back in Canada, after speaking with Dumbledore, taking vacations. From Sirius's letters, you learned that Remus was still insecure about his condition. He was interested one day, then cold the very next, or playing dumb most of the time. You could only feel sad for Sirius' niece.

When you came back, Remus hugged you, and your heart started beating like crazy, your cheeks went hot, and your eyes sat on Tonks whose face sunken immediately.

That night, once again, it was Sirius who too you in his arms while you were crying.

''I just wish I hadn't been scared of the moonlight when I was younger,'' you said after calming down. ''Maybe I wouldn't feel so weird about it now...'' Sirius nodded.

''Yeah,'' he said.

''Do you ever feel like you should have made some other choices, romantically speaking, I mean.''

''All the time.''

And if you had looked, you would have seen his eyes on you, a look he had worn for years when he looked at you.

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tessimagines · 5 years

Text

Heroes // Sirius Black - Part One

Pairing: Sirius Black x Potter!Reader

Summary: Sirius Black has woken night after night to the screams of one of his best friends, (Y/N) Potter. It’s just a dream, he tells himself. A nightmare, fuelled by the ever-darkening war around them. In the morning, she sees him and smiles, blissfully unaware of the effect that smile has on him. But when the dreams grow darker and more ominous, Sirius begins to notice the similarities between them and reality and he feels closer than ever to losing the woman he loves.

Series Masterlist is linked in my bio!

Warnings: angst, mentions of kidnapping and nightmares.

Wordcount: 2.9k

A/N: Here is the first part! I hope you all like it :) I would love to know what you think, so please feel free to leave a comment or let me know in my inbox. Gif not mine. Also, I would like to let you know, I will be adding some characters for the sake of the story. Most of these will be just names (despite one).

The dream always goes like this.

He’s tired. He can feel it in his bones and aching muscles. For whatever reason, blood coats every region of his hands, a thick layer sticky and warm on the wand he grips tight in his fist.

It's night. The moon glows bright and luminous above them. There are trees everywhere and a smothering layer of fog clings to the damp ground. He can smell rain and smoke and the rusty tang of freshly spilled blood.

He trips. He can see her ahead of him now. She doesn’t stumble like he does. She is running towards something, someone. She is determined, focused and in no way he has ever seen her before - deadly.

He follows her to a small cliff, the sound of rushing water below them. He can hear the sound of the water rushing rapidly below him and the smell of rotting leaves. It’s too dark to see anywhere below the surface.

There is someone else there but he can’t see them. He can hear their footsteps crinkling up leaves underneath every step. There could be a whole group surrounding them for all he knows. His breaths are laboured and so are hers, each one rising with an audible wheeze. When the two of them are caught against the edge of the small cliff, he finds her hand between them. Her fingers are icy cold.

And then there is a flash of green. He is pushed out of the way and he can feel as her fingers slip from his own. He catches a glint of pink and she falls backwards.

And that’s when she lets rip that scream. That fucking scream. Every time it rips a hole right through him. And no matter how hard he reaches out for her again or how loud he screams her name, she tumbles backwards and is swallowed up by the black, unforgiving water below him.

And that’s when he wakes, covered in sweat, the sound of her scream still lingering in his ears.

“Sirius.”

He jolts upright at your voice, lungs heaving. beads of sweat glisten on his forehead in the low light of the room. He watches your face change as he takes in the expression on it, a mixed look of both concern and confusion. He runs a hand through his black hair, the roots of every strand damp with sweat. He can still hear that scream and he has to double-take at you in his doorway to make sure it really isn’t coming from you.

“Hey, are you alright?” you ask, your head tilting to the side and leaning on the frame of the doorway. His breaths are still shallow and sharp and he forces himself to take a deep one.

He nods first, and when he feels his lungs can take it, speaks. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He can tell instantly that you don’t believe him but you don’t push him any further. Instead, you slowly nod, letting a small comforting smile form upon your lips. It’s warm and would normally in any other circumstance, make Sirius’ heart flutter. This time, however, it just causes his insides to drop.

“Alright, well, Ma’s got breakfast ready.” You’re drumming a beat on the wooden frame of the doorway, a smile still resting upon your lips. “She wanted me to come and get you. James is already down there.”

Sirius nods as you leave, watching as you close the door behind you. His head is light, it almost feels as if it is fluid and unnatural on top of his neck. After a moment, he tries to get up and stumbles. His hands grip the oak desk next to him, trying to steady himself. He brings the glass jar closer to himself before he conjures a bright light inside, illuminating the room.

Sirius tries to take another grounding breath. The smell of rust is still toxic in his nose, reminding him of the image of numerous trees flashing pass as he runs. It’s the third time he has had the same dream, each time waking up to that same ear-piercing scream. And every time, he will wake and you will be there waiting for him, your smile so blissfully unaware of the reason for his laboured breaths or the effect that its warmth has on him. The first time, he had almost reached out and tugged at your wrist, wanting to bring you towards himself in the hope that his own body would protect yours. The dream had felt so real, every sound, sight and smell still clear on the surface of his mind.

Every morning, he tells himself that its nothing. That the dream is nothing but a nightmare, fuelled by the war that rages on around them. And most of the time he believes it.

Because, really, there isn’t much else he can do.

James sits across from you, his black, unruly hair getting caught in the arms of his glasses. He is eating a piece of jam toast while laughing at the same time, Your mother whacking him over the head in order to settle him. She knows it won’t work and instead looks up at you and rolls her eyes.

“I’m telling you Ma, you walk more like a penguin than a person.”

“How did I raise such a rude son?” She is trying to keep a straight face but she can’t help but let it falter. Your father is sitting across from your brother, trying to stifle his laughs into today’s copy of The Daily Prophet. It deepens the wrinkles that mark his aged face and he only puts the paper down when he watches his children’s best friend enter the room.

“Ah, Sirius. Morning.” He lifts his porcelain teacup to his lips and takes a sip. Sirius doesn't notice the greeting was addressed to him and by the time he has, Fleamont’s eyebrows have already drawn closer together. “Are you alright, Son?”

Sirius nods but you can tell his mind is still distracted. It’s like there is a glaze over his eyes, keeping him just out of reach of the present. “I’m okay, thanks Fleamont.”

“He just doesn’t eat enough, that’s all. I know you have your own place now, Sirius, but I want you to stay here more just so I can make sure you’re eating.” Your mother brushes down her floral dress before pulling out a chair between you and James for Sirius. She motions for him to sit down and then pats him on the shoulder. “Eat up, honey.”

Sirius tries to smile for her, and manages well enough to fool Euphemia. You keep your eyes on him for another second, looking at the tiny features in his face that tell you something is wrong. When he catches your eye, he quickly looks away and down at the plate of eggs and toast that Euphemia has put down in front of him. “Thanks, Mia.”

Fleamont’s eyes are back on his paper, his wrinkles tightening as he reads the words on the page. He keeps his eyes on the paper when he opens his mouth and speaks, his voice as soft as it always is. “There’s been another disappearance. Two of them, Amaryllis Shacklebolt and her husband in North Yorkshire.”

“That’s Kingsley's sister, isn’t she?” James asks and Fleamont nods.

“Such a nice family. They think it’s that Flint, the one who blew up the Muggle post office in South Wales a few weeks ago. Apparently, he was sighted in their town a few days before it happened.”

Euphemia is sitting down beside her husband and reaches across to grab his hand. Her greying hair is loose and sitting freely around her face. When a strand falls in front of her eyes, she doesn’t bother to wipe it away.

“Kingsley is part of the order with us,” you say. “I met Amaryllis a few months back, coming back from a scout with Kingsley.”

Your mother shakes her head, bringing her fingers to rub the area between her eyebrows. She then looks up at the three of you, her hand still in your fathers.

“I know you three are trying to do the right thing by joining that Order. But you worry me when you go out doing stuff like that. You’re all so young.”

“Mum,” James says, that charming smile of his wide and bright on his lips. He’s doing his best to be comforting and manages to pull it off quite well. “We’re 19 - of legal age. We want to do our part, okay?”

Your mother doesn’t say another thing and just nods. The expression on her face is still one of fear and discomfort, but when your father squeezes her hand, you watch as she calms a little.

“We have a meeting tonight,” you say. Your mother looks up and you feel the need to reassure. “Don’t worry, it’s not a scout or a mission or anything, just a meeting. We won't get home till around 11 or 12.”

You mother nods, trying her best to give a warm smile. It’s only a flicker, still masked with worry for her children and their friend. You do your best in returning it before taking the last bite of your toast. James follows suit before getting up from the table.

“Alright, Padfoot. Sister. Let’s go find the rest of our little group, shall we? There is a particular redhead that I find myself wanting to snog.”

“James Potter!” Euphemia shouts, her face going a deep magenta. “Do not talk about your girlfriend like that! You have no manners!”

Your laughing when you get out of your chair, James cackling at himself in front of you. Sirius stands, his face blank and remote. His mind is somewhere else, somewhere far away from the teasing and laughing at the table. When you watch him follow James out of the room, his shoulders tense and set like stone, you can't help but sigh, the familiar tang of concern sour on your lips.

A fire crackles in the corner of the room when the six of you enter, Albus Dumbledore at the head of the long oak table. He’s adorned in his usual flamboyant robes, this time a vibrant lilac with silver stars decorating the material. His face softens into a smile when the lot of you enter and his bright blue eyes catch yours. He winks when you smile at him, watching as you take a seat down next to Sirius.

Your group, containing the usual Marauders and Lily, are still bickering with one another about the relationship status of Gideon Prewett and Marlene McKinnon. You watch as Lily rolls her eyes at your brother once again as James whips around to face her.

“I’m telling you, Lily. I saw them together at Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour last Saturday. Marlene even took a lick of his raspberry ice cream! Do you take me for a liar?”

“James, all I’m saying is that I think Marlene would have told me if she was planning on going out on a date with Gideon. We’re good friends.”

“That doesn’t mean anything!” Your brother shouts. You can see Alastor Moody next to Dumbledore turn to James when he hears it and roll his glass eye. The sight makes you grin, before James sucks in your attention again. “Maybe she hasn’t told you because she is waiting to see how things go. I’d say most people would do that with their friends.”

Lily raises an eyebrow and swings around to face him directly. “Excuse me, Potter? Most people would do that? When I agreed to go on our first date you got up on one of the tables in the Gryffindor Common Room and announced to our entire house you were taking me to the Three Broomsticks!”

James crosses his arms and leans back into his chair, one of his trademark cocky smirks finding their way upon his lips. “Well, I guess we could say that I’m not most people am I, Evans?”

Lily rolls her eyes again and tries to hide the smile that threatens to show. You laugh when you see her playfully hit the side of his arm, and then as James throws his head back in an overly dramatic display of pain. When the two of them start at it again, you turn to face Sirius beside you.

“So, Padfoot. What’s your take on it?” When you address him, Sirius’ dark eyes turn to look up into yours. He’s happier than he was this morning, more aware of the situation and people around him. But you can still sense a tinge of discomfort inside of him, enough to make you worry.

James and Lily are still bickering only a few seats away from you, and Sirius’ eyes flicker over to them one last time before answering. “Oh,” he says, the corner of his lips pulled up into a smirk. “There is no way that Gideon could have landed Marlene.”

“Are you sure?” You laugh, cocking an eyebrow up at him. “You know, I don’t think I ever told you this but Gideon was my first kiss. Or it could have been his twin brother Fabien, I’m still not one hundred percent sure.”

Sirius smiles, followed by a laugh that exaggerates the pinkness of his lips. When you realise how close they are, your skin begins to tingle and then James releases a final shout of victory.

“What did I tell you, Evans!” James is grinning, large and bright. Lily is shaking her head while looking at Remus. “Look at the two of them now!”

Both you and Sirius turn around to face the entry of the room. Gideon and Marlene are walking in together, with Marlene’s hand sitting snugly in Gideons. You can’t help but smile at James when he gets up and struts over to them, extending his hand to shake Gideons in congratulation. Lily is yelling at him to stop, each word coming out with a laugh she can’t help but let slip.

“Jealous, Potter?” Sirius laughs beside you and you roll your eyes at him, whacking him on his arm beside you.

When everyone sits down, Dumbledore rises from his seat at the head of the table. His outstretched hands demand the absolute silence of everyone present, each movement laced with a thick concoction of gravitas and weight. When he opens his mouth to speak, not a single person dares to whisper.

“Hello, friends.” His eyes flicker around the room from person to person, the expression on his face serious. “It’s with great sorrow and pain we gather here today. Last night, it was discovered that a family member of one of our Order and her husband have gone missing from their home in North Yorkshire. Amaryllis Shakelbolt is Kingsley’s sister and we all hope that she and her husband will be recovered sometime soon.”

“It is also a great hope that the people who carried out this terror will be brought to justice. No facts are official as of yet, but it has been discovered that Oswald Flint, a well known and high-ranking Death Eater, was spotted in their hometown only a few days before the disappearance.”

“As all of you know, Flint has been on our radar for some time. And after the incident in South Glamorgan a few weeks ago, I have had many of you researching and scouting him. After this most recent event, I have been given direct orders by the Ministery that they wish two members of this Order work alongside Aurors to capture and recover Flint.”

He pauses, and then Dumbledore’s piercing blue eyes are on you. For a second, your brain fumbles and your hand snaps at Sirius’ arm beside you. You’re gripping him tight, without realising, when Dumbledore begins to speak again. His eyes are glittering, and he gives a slight nod in your direction.

“(Y/N), how would you feel about this assignment?” His voice is low and composed, yet still managing to convey the seriousness of the situation. Sirius’ eyes are on you, his dark brown irises dancing all over your face. You risk a quick look at him before speaking.

“Uh-” you stutter, closing your eyes for half a second in order to try and reinstate some sort of order to your thoughts. “I would be honoured, Sir.”

There is a small smile on his lips when you agree, but within a moment, his eyes have flickered to Sirius beside you. You feel your grip tighten on Sirius’ arm. Dumbledore doesn’t even need to speak before Sirius nods at him, his face blank and impossible to read.

“Very well,” Dumbledore says, the silver stars on his robes glittering in the light of the fireplace behind him. “I will inform the ministry who will be taking this task. Now, Edgar, Is there an update on the Lestrange Brothers?”

When Sirius’ hand clasps over yours, any words that come out of Dumbledore’s mouth are long forgotten and distant. He looks at you and you try your best to give him a warm smile, letting the end of your eyebrow cock up into an arch.

“A Potter and Black, eh?” you say, letting a finger entwine with one of his. “When has that combination ever gone wrong?”

There you go! I hope you all enjoyed the first part of this series. Please let me know what you thought by either leaving a comment down below or dropping something in my inbox.

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