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Can you write about James absolutely hating valentines day because it’s a day where he has to keep watching people try to woo Sirius... little did he know, Sirius only has eyes for him <333
Sirius is laughing. 
The audacity of that traitor, just laughing the laugh that’s supposed to be only for James to hear, because of something Luca—or was it Liam?—said. James knows he could’ve come up with something much better, something that would’ve made Sirius laugh even harder, then turn to him with those beautiful, glittering grey eyes and cheeks flushed from the cold and the alcohol and the joy.
But he can’t, obviously, because Liam the utter dipshit is taking over Sirius’ life. James and Sirius were supposed to restock on some of their pranking supplies that day while the rest of the student population were busy locking lips and celebrating at Puddifoot’s when the slimy git decided it would be a good idea to replace James in Sirius’ Valentine’s weekend plans. As if watching people make passes at Sirius wasn’t annoying enough already. And then stupid Sirius with his stupid face that James stupidly can’t say no to, decided to stupidly agree to a stupid date at Three Broomsticks.
James scowls harder, hoping the intensity of his glare could yank the tosser out of the seat that should’ve been his. All that happens is Luca taking Sirius’ amusement as a sign to inch closer, sliding his hand up his knee. And Sirius just smiles at him, all warm and inviting. James wants to throw up. Maybe he could even aim it at Liam and call it an accident. Even Sirius wouldn’t be nice enough to continue entertaining a bloke covered in vomit.
His train of thought is interrupted when someone bumps into him from behind. “What the bloody fuck,”  comes a muffled swear with a faint Welsh accent, telling James that it’s just Moony. Belatedly, he remembers that he’s under his cloak. “What—oh, don’t tell me, Merlin and Morgana, is that you under there, James?”
James pokes his head out and grins sheepishly at an exasperated Remus and a bemused Regulus. “Hello, kind sirs, how may I help you?”
“What are you doing here? And why the hell are you hiding?”
James sniffs. “Well, I would’ve been with Sirius, but seeing as I’m so unimportant that he replaced me, I’m bored. Also, I’m not hiding, I’m just preventing this beautiful heirloom from my ancestors from collecting dust.”
Regulus snickers. “The way that thing gets used, there’s no way it would collect dust, even without you using it to spy on my brother.”
“I’m not spying!” 
Remus hums, quickly looking around. “So you’re just creepily watching his date under your cloak so he doesn’t notice you?”
James sniffs. “I need to make sure my replacement meets my standards.” 
“Salazar’s saggy balls, you’re transparent as fuck. You ought to be ashamed,” Regulus says, dragging them to a secluded booth. He digs his feet under James’ arse for warmth.
“I'm sure I don’t know what you mean,” James replies hotly, poking Regulus in the ribs as retaliation.
Remus raises an eyebrow. “You mean you’re not jealous?”
“That’s exactly what I mean.”
“Really?” It should be illegal how Regulus could inflect so much emotion into a tiny word. He had no right making six letters sound so disbelieving. 
“I just want to spend time with my best friend, goddamnit, without a random blonde wanker hanging off of him. Why is that such a big deal?”
“Last I checked, I’m one of your best friends and you never mope around when I go on a date,” Remus remarks.
“First of all, you’re this close to getting removed from my list of best friends, and second, I like Regulus even more than I like you. There’s no need to mope because it’s Reggie. Louis or Liam or whatever is not Reg.”
“As flattering as that is, you still aren’t making any sense,” Regulus says. “If you’re not jealous, then why does it matter who he’s dating? S’not like they’re getting married.”
James, who had resumed glaring at Sirius’ table, swirls around. “You think they might get married?”  he nearly screeches. “There’s no fucking way I’ll let—”
Regulus and Remus each grab an arm to pin him down. “Nobody’s getting married, bloody hell, how can you still be in denial?” Remus grumbles. “You’re even worse than Sirius.”
“I’m going to pretend like I know what that means, only because the alternative is Sirius keeping secrets and I don’t like that,” James says, yanking his arms from their grasp. “I’m calm now, you don’t need to keep holding me.”
The moment the two sit down, James dives under the table and makes a run for it. Regulus nearly gets a hold of him, but James’ Quidditch reflexes are enough to pull away. 
Regulus turns to Remus, eyes wide. “Should we—” 
Remus pauses, then shakes his head. “Not our responsibility to talk sense into those two. Honestly, for two students at the top of the class, they can be such idiots sometimes.”
“Sometimes?”
“Okay, maybe a little more than that,” he concedes with a laugh. 
Regulus smiles. “Do you think they’ll finally confess?” he asks into the crook of Remus’ neck. 
Remus kisses his dark curls. “Not counting on it.”
“Hel-lo gentlemen,” James sing-songs as he squeezes into Sirius’ side of the booth, effectively blocking Luca’s hands from moving further up. “Nice day out, innit?”
“James Potter,” Sirius’ date greets with a smile that’s strained at the edges. 
“That’s me!” James says brightly. “So what’re we having today?”
“Prongs,” Sirius hisses under his breath. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Crashing your date,” James says. “Why?”
Sirius presses his eyes closed, breathes out, and then stands up. “I’m so sorry, Louis, to cut this short. If you’ll excuse us.” He pushes James out of the booth and drags him outside.
“What the hell, James?” Sirius asks, furious. He begins pacing back and forth, hands clenched at his sides. “I was enjoying my date. Why did you have to come and ruin everything?”
Something heavy falls to the pit of James’ stomach. “I’m sorry, I ruined everything?”
“Yes!” Sirius snaps. “You talk about Lily all the damn time, and now that you’re finally dating her, you decided you’d rather spend Valentine’s ruin my chances at having a nice boyfriend?”
James blinks. “I’m not—we’re not—we broke up weeks ago, Pads. And we were supposed to spend Valentine’s together.  Not with Lily or anyone else.”
Sirius pauses, taken aback. “Well, just because you don’t have a date doesn’t mean I can’t. We hang out all the time, why can’t I spend Valentine’s with someone I like? What’s wrong with me dating someone?”
“I don’t mind it when you date all those random birds,” James says, voice quiet. Nothing about this conversation is going as he expected, and he’s torn between equal amounts of anger and hurt. “I just don’t like Liam.” He doesn’t bring up the fact that up until now, he had thought that Sirius had liked spending time with him, preferred it even, to the company of others. He doesn’t bring up that he would rather spend time with Sirius than anyone else because it feels clingy when Sirius clearly doesn’t seem to share the same sentiment. 
“Louis,” Sirius corrects. “What, because he’s a bloke?”
James sputters. “What? No—it’s not—I don’t—Pads, you must know I don’t care about that.”
Sirius scoffs. “Then what is your problem?”
“Louis is,” James says. “I just don’t like him. I don’t want him to be dating you. I don’t want you dating him.  ”
“If it’s not because he’s a guy, then what is it?”
“I don’t know,” James replies miserably. He feels off-kilter and can’t get the right words to come out. “I just don’t know.”
“So it is  because he’s a bloke. There can't be any other reason why,” Sirius sneers, voice icy. James knows the Black’s ability to be cold and aloof remains in Sirius, but he never expected to be on the receiving end of it. It makes his thoughts screech to a halt. A lump forms in his throat, making it impossible to speak.
At James’ silence, Sirius laughs humorously. “Just great,” he spits out. “Of bloody course you’d be a fucking homophobe. As if the universe doesn’t hate me enough.” 
James opens his mouth to correct him, to tell him that that has never been and would never be an issue, that it’s something else but he just doesn’t know what. When he looks up, though, Sirius has already stormed off, leaving behind a cloud of confusion and hurt. 
“Remus told me I’d find you here,” Sirius says. He’s swaying on his heels by the door to the Room of Requirement, which currently looks like the Potters’ living room. He looks hesitant to enter but stubborn enough to not turn back. James turns to look at the dancing flames in the fireplace, knowing Sirius would see it as an invitation to come in.
“I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions too fast,” Sirius begins. “Or, well—I mean, I still would like to know why you don’t like Louis, but I didn’t mean to call you a homophobe.”
James doesn’t respond, taking some time to mull over his answer. Sirius sits cross-legged on the ground next to him, knees close enough to touch.
“Pan,” James blurts out. So much for coming up with a thoughtful response. Upon Sirius’ confused look, James clarifies, “I’m pan. Would be kinda stupid to be a homophobe, don’t you think?”
Sirius nods slowly, looking away for a moment and swallowing harshly. “Good for you. Um. That’s—that’s great. Obviously. That would be rather stupid, yeah.”
James looks at him carefully. “Erm, does that change things?”
“No!” Sirius exclaims. “Of course not! No, it’s just great. Now that we established that we’re both single and queer, I can finally take you to those Muggle pubs and hook you up with a gorgeous person of your dreams.” 
James turns away, knowing Sirius’ words are futile. Now that he’d had some time to think since the disaster of the morning, it was obvious why he felt so angry at seeing Sirius on a date. The person of his dreams wasn’t some stranger at a pub, but Sirius himself. He could imagine Regulus and Remus’ gloating faces when he told them. 
“That won’t help,” James says.  
“Maybe not, but as I always say, a good shag here and there can make life a lot better. Even Remy agrees with me now.”
James tries but fails not to think of Sirius in dim-lit alleys with handsome men on their knees. “Remy is a horny little werewolf who gets his back blown out by Reggie on the regular. Obviously now he thinks that’s the solution to everyone’s problems.”
Sirius stills. “Godric’s tits, James!” He summons a throw pillow from one of the sofas to hit James with. “I don’t want to think about what my baby brother does with his boyfriend—Merlin, gross, I need an Obliviate. Why the fuck would you mention that ?”
“You don’t seem to have a problem with them fucking when you’re asking them about it,” James teases. “You ask Regulus himself. Why is this worse?”
Sirius’ pale skin pinks immediately, which makes James’ stomach sink. “Because this is about Regulus and Remus,” he says, voice eerily steady. “When I ask, it’s just about Remus.”
“Oh,” James murmurs. “Oh, hell, I shouldn’t have brought that up. I know you said you’re over Moons, but—"
“Wait, no,” Sirius interrupts. He pushes himself onto his knees in front of James. “That’s not what I meant at all.” 
“Sure,” James says, standing up quickly. He doesn’t believe Sirius, of course, having caught him looking longingly at Remus one too many times whenever they hang out. There’s a tight feeling in his chest that’s not going away, this horrible jealous thing. He wants to hit Sirius and grab him and kiss him, and he wants to punch Remus too for good measure. He likes Remus, he loves him even, but fuck if it wouldn’t be nice if Sirius stopped wanting everyone but James for once. 
“He’s probably right,” James says after a while, Sirius still on the ground. The firelight dances off of Sirius’ handsome features, illuminating the slope of his nose and the downturn of his lips. 
“Obviously,” Sirius says after a beat, fixing him with a calculating look. He’s still blushing, but whether that’s from the heat or the memory of Remus, James isn’t sure. It makes James burn something fierce inside. 
“Sorry,” James says again, once he’s determined that it’s most likely because of Remus. “I know it must be hard, especially with your brother in the picture—”
“Fuck’s sake, Prongs, would you shut it about Moony,” Sirius says, smacking James’ thigh with the pillow again before grabbing his hands where they lay uselessly by his side. “I’m not into Remus anymore. That was years ago, and anyway, I’d never do that to Reg. Do you ever even listen to me?”
James shrugs, looking anywhere but at Sirius on his knees between his thighs in front of him. “You’re the one who still thought I was dating Lily.”
“I know you broke up, but I thought you’d be back together by now,” Sirius admits. “It’s just—you and Lily, I dunno, just work.  It always gave me hope, I think, to see how you two came to be friends. Like maybe I’ll also find someone I love who loves me that much someday.”
James wants to throttle him. Wants to yell at him that he already has someone who loves him, someone who knows him better than anyone else, someone who’s right there if only Sirius wanted him back. Instead, he blurts out, “What Lily and I have isn’t like you and me.” Realizing how that sounded, he quickly adds, “Or you and Remus.”
Sirius groans, letting his head fall onto James’ hip. James’ knees almost buckle at the warm breath on his legs. “You seem awfully insistent that I still fancy Remus when you’re the one who doesn’t like Evans anymore despite being so hung up about her for years. You could just, I dunno,  ask  me like a normal person.”
James jerks back, hating himself for the hurt expression flitting across Sirius’ face at the motion. Sirius blinks up at him for a moment, maintaining eye contact as he tilts his head curiously to study him. Then, seemingly after finding what he’s looking for, he leans forward to follow James’ motion. There’s a determined quirk at the corner of his mouth, but the tenseness in the set of his shoulders betrayed his nerves. 
“Wh—what do you mean?” James manages to ask, voice weak. Sirius rolls his eyes and smiles softly as he reaches out to curl a hand just above James’ knee.
“Jamie,” he says softly. “Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. You think too much, do you know?” His eyes are lit golden-bright, and James wants to kiss him. Then Sirius’ other hand finds the pillow he had hit James with before and places it under his knees. 
“What are you doing?” James breathes out. Sirius only shakes his head, pulling James closer and brushing his knuckles just above James’ waistband. He hitches up his shirt to expose a sliver of skin, then presses his lips just under James’ navel. 
“Fuck,” James gasps. He realises belatedly that his hands had come up to tangle in Sirius’ hair, gripping him in place. 
“You could’ve just asked me,” Sirius repeats, tongue slipping between his lips to wet them. James shudders. “Instead of using your cloak to spy on my date and be jealous and miserable all day.” His tongue darts out again, sliding hot and wet and perfect up the dark smattering of hair that leads down beneath James’ boxers.
“How—oh—how do you know?” James asks, mind a mess of scrambled thoughts as his world narrows down to Sirius and his slick tongue and clever fingers working his boxers down. He’s sure he’s hallucinating because the Sirius he knows likes men Remus and Louis, blokes who take up less space in a room, who are quieter and more thoughtful and don’t resort to petty things like sabotaging their best friend’s dates because they’re in love with said best friend. Sirius doesn’t like guys like him, who are selfish and hopeless and—
“Stop. Thinking.” Sirius emphasizes each word with a harsh swipe up his cock with his tongue. James whines, high-pitched and demanding, and Sirius smiles up at him. 
“You look so pretty like this, Prongs,” he whispers between sucks. James swallows. 
“Oh,” he gasps. “But you’re—oh, yes, fuck, you’re a natural at this—but you’re in love with—with Remus?” His words end up more of a question as Sirius tongues his slit, but Sirius gets the message and pulls away slightly, glowering. 
“For the love of Merlin and Morgana and all that is holy, would you shut up about Remus,” he tells him forcefully. James nods, unthinking, laser-focused on the line of spit between Sirius’ reddened lips and his dick. Sirius notices and his features soften, an indulgent smile on his face, and squeezes James’ fingers at his sides. 
“In case this doesn’t clarify things, James Fleamont Potter,” he says quietly. “James. Jamie. Prongs. My gorgeous, idiot best mate, my partner-in-crime. What the hell makes you think that there’s ever been anyone but you?”
James stiffens and pulls away. Sirius lets him take his time to gather his bearings. “Don’t joke about this, fuck, Si, if you’re joking—”
He shakes his head. “No. No, Prongs, this is it. I—I love you, okay?”
“For how long?” James rasps. His mind is whirling. 
“Does it matter?” At James’ insistent look, Sirius sighs and looks away. “Fourth year, I think, is when I knew for certain. But it started even before that.”
“You’ve loved me for this long?” James breathes. “Holy shit, Si.”
Sirius turns away, cheeks reddened. “Does it matter?”
James sits on the ground in front of him, taking his face into his hands. “Yes, it does, you bloody mutt. I thought you were in love with Remus this whole time.”
He shrugs. “That was just an excuse to hide that I was in love with you since I first knew loving blokes was a thing.”
“Damn,” James whispers. “Oh my god, Si, how did you manage? I only just realised how I feel about you today, and I already lost my composure, like, twenty times.”
Sirius laughs, and James feels something inside him settle into place. “Well, as a reward for my patience, can I continue what I started?” he asks, gesturing to James’ lap.
James smiles. “Sure,” he says. “As long as I get to return the favour. And first, I want to do this.” He takes his glasses off before turning Sirius’ face to his and tentatively pressing their lips together. He’s sure he’s never felt anything half as wonderful until Sirius wraps an arm around him and presses in close. And then he’s finally tasting Sirius, and can identify a hint of himself, and then his brain stops working. 
Sirius pulls away, after what could’ve been hours or minutes. James chases after him blindly, sparking a chuckle out of Sirius. “Prongs?”
“Yeah?”
“Happy Valentine’s Day.” When James looks up at him, he’s grinning cheekily. His eyes are sparkling and his cheeks are flushed, and James idly thinks, I made him look like this.  A surge of affection bubbles up in him, and he quickly places kisses all over Sirius’ face, prompting more laughter and kisses. 
“I love you,” he whispers into Sirius’ back, hours later when they’re both sated and sticky and riding the high of requited love. Sirius turns to face him, hair wild and face open. 
“I love you too, James,” he murmurs, and James feels giddy with the knowledge that Sirius was only in love with him, not Louis or Remus or all those other people he’d pulled in bars. That this was just for the two of them. James and Sirius, Sirius and James. As it always had been, and as it always should be.
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Sirius was 16 when Regulus was born, and ran away when Regulus was only a couple of months old. He and James are happily married and have a son together, Harry (who was born 1980, like canon).
One day Sirius is visited by a Wizard Solicitor with a Will telling him that he’s inherited half of the Black fortune, and is now also has custody of his younger brother, who is a about 8 at this point.
Sirius assumed that his brother had been the perfect child for his parents, he expects a blood-purist spoiled brat — instead he’s got a child who’s abuse makes his own (which was already severe) seem like nothing.
Just Sirius feeling guilt for abandoning Regulus, feeling responsible for his abuse, and he and James trying to give him the best life possible — and Harry being adorable, and Regulus and him becoming the best brothers, which makes Sirius feel complicated feelings.
((A/N: Mentions of child abuse))
Anger and discomfort. That's what Sirius felt when his father pushed a week-old baby into his arms and said, "Hold him until your mother gets back."
The new baby, his new brother, sixteen years younger than him, Regulus, whimpers pathetically. He tries to rearrange his arms so the baby won't start screaming, but does he know anything about babies? He's never really been around one before. This is maybe the second time he's held one, and he would've been happier if it had stayed at one.
"Why can't you bloody hold him?" Sirius asks as Orion backs away. "He's your stupid son."
"As are you," Orion replies dryly, a familiar angry glint in his eye. "So do as I say and hold your sodding brother while I get a drink." He leaves, long strides taking him from the room far faster than Sirius can chase after him. He doesn't like the fact that he has a sibling now or that he's supposed to wait here until Walburga gets in-- whenever that's supposed to be-- but he doesn't want to bash the baby's head into the door, so he has to stop following their father and wait in the room as requested.
He sighs, gives the door an impotent kick, then gingerly makes his way to a chair. It's easier to hold a baby while sitting, right? He's heard that somewhere. Maybe, if he's lucky, Regulus will stay asleep. Or is he awake and just not crying? It's hard to tell which when his face is so scrunched up. Sirius isn't sure. As long as he's quiet though, he doesn't care.
He knows what a new sibling means. His parents didn't say it in as many words, but they didn't need to; he knows that he's a disappointment to them. He's said a hundred times (to James), that if they could replace him, they would. And now they have.
His parents don't like each other. They don't have sex for fun. They purposefully conceived Regulus so that, once Sirius is gone, they'll have a new heir. Sirius knows that he won't be here much longer. It's a toss up whether he runs or they throw him out. He thinks he's going to run; he'll be able to pack all of his things that way.
He glances down at the (thankfully) still quiet baby in his arms and hates him, just a little bit. Right now, he's fine. He's a baby. He doesn't have personality, he's trying to figure out going to sleep and eating when he's hungry. But when he grows up? Sirius turned out alright, in spite of their parents. Regulus probably won't turn out the same. Andromeda noted to him once, in the corner of one of their family gatherings, "It's fifty-fifty if one of us isn't utter shite. It's like, you and I turned out good, so Bellatrix and Narcissa have to be piss." Sirius laughed, knowing the truth in her words; Uncle Alphard, present but apart from the others like they were, was a clear sign. They could turn out good, but it wasn't a guarantee.
If Sirius is fine, then what does that mean for the future of this newborn baby? He'll grow up under Walburga and Orion's watchful eyes and the 'benefit' of hindsight that raising Sirius will have given them.
Sirius will grow to hate him. That stir of anger, to that future, to their parents, is still there. "Sorry, mate," he whispers. Angry or not, he pities him.
*
There's a knock on the door, and James answers. "Hullo. Erm, can I help you?"
"I'm a solicitor, my name is Joe Byrne." He holds a business card out. It's a deep green, almost black but its colour is visible from the sunlight shining on the doorstep. "I'm here to speak to Sirius Potter."
James takes the card and glances down at it. The sigil stamped to the background and the skate of magic underlining his information like an errant drop of water mean he's old money-- which means he's likely connected to the Black family. "I don't know what business you could have with him."
"I presume you're his husband, James Potter?"
"That's correct."
"Mr. Potter, are you aware that his mother recently passed?"
"Yes-" it was in The Prophet "-but she disowned him. I know children are usually in the will even if they're estranged, but this isn't a usual situation."
Mr. Byrne doesn't appear bothered by this. "The will has been read. What Walburga Black may or may not have done to disown your husband in a social manner wasn't reflected legally, so I need to speak with him."
James knows he's being overprotective by thinking anyone connected with the Black's-- even professionally-- is bad for Sirius. So he swallows it down, tucks the card in his pocket, and says, "Okay. Please, come in. Would you like a cup of tea?"
"Please. Thank you."
James waves his wand to get things started in the kitchen and leads Mr. Byrne to an armchair. They're both quiet as he sits. Another wave of his wand brings the teapot out, the tray and cups trailing behind it. He can't remember if it's polite to pour for him or not; it's been so long since he tried to be proper, and that was occasionally, not all the time. Bloody hell, he shouldn't care about this, and he doesn't, really, but he's nervous. Sirius's parents are an old scar, but they are a scar. What's the point in putting pressure on that scar again? For a single galleon that his mother left, just to spite him? "Go ahead," he says, motioning to the tea service, "and I'll go get Sirius."
Mr. Byrne thanks him, so even if it was a mistake, it's a small one.
James isn't looking forward to this. To any part of this. He didn't even want to let the solicitor in, but now he has to tell Sirius that he's here, and he likes that less. He heads to the backyard, where they were soaking in the sun for a few hours while Harry's at the Longbottom's.
Sirius glances over when he walks out, then frowns. "You alright?"
"There's a solicitor here for you. From Walburga."
"I don't imagine we'd have anything to discuss."
"I said the same to him, but he claims you're in the will." James holds out a hand to him and tries to smile. "Best to get it over with."
Sirius sighs but agrees, taking his hand and joining him inside.
Mr. Byrne introduces himself to Sirius before opening his briefcase and removing a sizeable folder. "I apologize for coming to your home to discuss this, but my letters didn't receive any response and certain matters need to be taken care of quickly."
"We received quite a bit of post after her death," James says by way of apology. None of the letters were welcome; they'd burned the lot of it without sifting through to check senders.
"I understand," he replies, accepting. Then he looks to Sirius. "In summary, you are now the Head of the Black family. There's quite a bit of details to get through in relation to that, but we can schedule an appointment for that if you prefer. The most urgent matter is that of your younger brother, one Regulus Black. Since your mother's death, he's been staying with a member of S.U.B.S., but the hope is to transfer him into your custody as quickly as possible. There are a few forms I need your signature on, and then you'll be his legal guardians." Mr. Byrne is very efficient about the whole matter. As he's speaking, he retrieves a quill and inkwell from his briefcase. By the time he's done, the inkwell is unstoppered, and the corresponding forms are facing Sirius and James.
Two minutes ago, they had a three year old and struggled with that. Now they're being told they have to raise another kid, one who's older and they've never met.
Sod everything.
*
Sirius and James have a certain idea what Regulus will be like. Sirius was raised in that house, he knows what life was like before he went to Hogwarts, and Regulus is eight. He was snooty and cold and unused to anything like James and Sirius as they are now; Regulus will be the same, possibly worse.
The first glimpse they get of Regulus makes them rethink that assumption.
The first conversation they try to have with him crushes that assumption beneath a harsh hammer and grinds it up afterwards. At first, Regulus is too loud, too aggressive. Then, he's quiet, almost not daring to breathe, and he shrinks away like he expects pain. When none comes, he flees to the loo with a murmured excuse.
"That's not normal," Sirius whispers to James. They need to talk about it, but he doesn't want Regulus to overhear. And, given what just happened, he doesn't want to go too far from him.
"Definitely not," James whispers back. "D'you think they hurt him?"
"That's what it looked like, but it doesn't make any sense. They wanted to make him the perfect son to replace me." He shakes his head. "This doesn't follow."
"Maybe he's skittish from losing his parents and living with strangers," James says, but he doesn't sound like he believes it.
Sirius doesn't believe it either, but he says, "Yeah. Maybe."
*
"Are you going to lock me in the basement?" Regulus asks one day over lunch.
Sirius wishes Harry weren't here for this, and James wishes that there was a warning before someone asked something so horrible like that.
"There's no basement," Harry informs him. "Uncle Peter's house has a basement, but he says I can't go in." He's too young to understand the horrible implications in Regulus’s question. To him, it's a question on the same level as 'can I go in Dad's potion lab' or 'can we have dinner early today'.
James tries to smile. "Right. Like Harry said, no basement. I don't know why we'd do something like that to you anyways."
"The full moon is tomorrow night."
His stomach sinks, because that didn't sound like a different topic, and he doesn't want to ask, but he has to. Sirius braces himself and asks, "Why is that important?"
"They put me in the basement for my transformations."
He blinks. "Transformations?"
"When I become a wolf." Regulus said it as if this was information they already knew.
Sirius and James both force themselves not to react; there's no point in making him think it's a bad reaction. "Right. You don't have to do that anymore, we have something else worked out." They'll have to figure it out tonight. It'll be easy, since they can both transform and keep him company, but finding a suitable location will be a bit of a challenge-- and finding someone to mind Harry while they were both gone, helping Regulus, won't be easy because of the short notice. 
*
"I should've taken Regulus with me when I ran away from my parents," Sirius says, staring up at the ceiling and hating himself for something eight years past. From the corner of his eye, he can see James pause.
"You're not blaming yourself, are you?"
He says nothing.
James sighs, a quiet, sad thing, and pads over to the bed. He sits and places a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "We were sixteen. We couldn't have raised a kid."
"We would've figured it out," Sirius says stubbornly. He's convinced that it's true. They had Harry a little earlier than was wise, but they had each other, so they were able to get through it. It would've been the same with Regulus; they would've been scared and stressed with juggling everything, but they would've managed it.
James lays down. He throws one leg over Sirius's and curves his arm to smush between them so he can hold his hand. He should probably look up at the ceiling with him, but instead he stares at Sirius. His jaw is set, eyes tight, and he's glaring at the red paint like it's done him wrong. "I know you feel bad for him. I do too, but there's nothing we could have done-"
"We could've helped," Sirius cuts in, voice hard.
Mm. He isn't going to make this easy, is he? James keeps himself from sighing again, knowing it'll only make Sirius more defensive. "Okay. Humour me. You're sixteen, and you show up at my house with a baby in your arms. My parents let you and Regulus both live there. We-"
"I know that it wouldn't have been easy with Hogwarts, but-"
James is the one to cut him off this time. "I wasn't talking about Hogwarts, I was talking about Walburga and Orion. If you'd brought him with you, that would be kidnapping. Do you really think they'd let that slide? The law would've been on their side, and they would've wanted him back."
"They treated him like rubbish!" Sirius says, turning his head to glare at James instead of the ceiling. "He's a werewolf; they wouldn't have raised a finger."
"He wasn't a werewolf back then."
A retort is on the tip of his tongue, but he hesitates when that penetrates his fog of guilt and self-recrimination. James is right; Regulus wasn't a werewolf. He doesn't know when he was bitten, but it had to be after he left. "I still think I should've been able to do something," he eventually says, feeling helpless and hating it.
"You didn't know. And it doesn't seem like anyone else knows; they kept it locked down. All we can do is focus on how much better parents we're going to be to him," James says with a grin.
Sirius snickers. "Yeah. Doesn't sound like it'll be hard."
"We'll blow them out of the water."
*
Harry thinks it's fun to have Regulus around. Where James and Sirius are sometimes too busy to play with him exactly the way he wants, Regulus is always free-- and, importantly, always willing. Regulus and Harry both are enjoying the novelty of living with someone close to them in age. Hell, Regulus is enjoying playing. So much of it, he seems to be experiencing for the first time (like he's never had a playmate), but sometimes he does act the five years older than Harry that he is, knowing what Harry wants before he says a word.
It's pretty damn cute no matter which way he's acting. He talks more now, which is a marked improvement on when he first moved in. He doesn't fully trust Sirius and James yet, but they've got plenty of time to build off that, and he does trust them a little. He doesn't expect for them to berate him over nothing; he doesn't expect for them to lock him away on full moons or when he gets 'too annoying'. James gets frustrated with the slow pace sometimes, hating that Sirius has to remind him that baby steps are the only way they'll make progress. Raising Harry is, by comparison, easy. He's known them his whole life, never had reason to doubt that they'll be there for him or keep him safe. Dealing with raising both of them at the same time, with these differing viewpoints, isn't easy, but they're surviving.
Regulus and Harry wore themselves out playing. Sirius, as Padfoot, joined the fun, and he's feeling lethargic as they head inside. When he curls up to take a nap, Harry joins him automatically, pillowing his head on thick fur. When Regulus sees the way Sirius doesn't shake him off, he joins them, arm over Harry and head resting on Padfoot's gently moving chest.
James comes home, takes a photograph before any of them can wake, then tiptoes around the house, wanting them to have as much peace as they can. It's not an easy family, not one he ever thought they'd have, but it's good. Regulus fits in, taking on the role of Harry's brother, with Sirius more like a father.
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Doting, Uncle Moneybags Regulus?
Sirius being annoyed at Regulus for spoiling Harry too much and rendering any discipline he and James attempt useless. Every time they try and say no to Harry he just rubs to Regulus who always gives in to his only nephew, every time they take a toy away as punishment Regulus buys a new one and sneaks it to him, etc.
Just some fluffy stuff about Asexual Regulus spoiling Harry because he’s the closest thing he has to a son, and he’s making up for Harry’s lack of grandparents and also making sure Harry doesn’t have the childhood he and Sirius had? Dunno, sorry it’s all a confusing mess of an ask :P
((A/N: This starts with angst but ends with fluff, fyi))
James grits his teeth when he sees Harry's candy-sticky face, but he pulls up a smile for his son when he runs up to him, because it's not his fault. Kids like candy. They'll eat so much of it that it makes them sick and not learn the lesson to eat less candy, they'll just think they randomly got sick that day and do it again in the morning. It's not Harry's fault; he's not going to be upset with him.
He will however have to talk to Sirius about this, because it's a weekly occurrence that isn't seeing an end.
James knows that he's short over dinner. He tries not to be, but the situation is infuriating.
Harry goes down to bed-- not easily, but he does-- and Sirius turns to James. "What's wrong?"
He takes a deep breath. "I know that you love your brother and it's not easy to talk to him about shit, but this is getting ridiculous. Actually, we've passed ridiculous and we're into the territory of me wanting to throttle him."
"What happened?"
"As far as I can tell? He gave Harry unfettered access to a bag of candy."
"Again?" Sirius groans.
"Again. You saw how little he ate at dinner, it sodding ruined his appetite, and he's going to wake up starving."
Sirius sighs, rubbing at his temples. "I'll talk to him."
"Do you want me to come?"
"No, he'll just get defensive." He sounds exhausted. He was in a good mood before this and was hoping for a little 'adult time' for him and James, but he isn't going to get that and also get through to Regulus. He gives James a quick kiss and then heads upstairs.
Regulus can't live alone but likes his space. Two stories feels a ridiculous indulgence to Sirius, but it's a good compromise to the living situation with the four of them. Harry, James, and Sirius all have their bedrooms downstairs, with Regulus's on the second floor. There's no further separation of rooms after that, but what the future will bring as Harry grows is anyone's guess. For now, it works, and that's good enough for them.
Regulus opted to not eat dinner with them tonight, so Sirius hasn't seen him since he left for work this morning. He knocks on his door and hopes that he answers it, because if he has to put this conversation off for tomorrow, he's going to be in a sour mood. Luckily, Regulus does call for him to enter, so that's one part easily taken care of.
"Oh, Sirius." He's sitting atop his duvet with a book in hand, and when he sees his brother, he sticks a bookmark in the open page.
"Hey. You got a minute?"
Regulus nods and sets his book to the side.
"I'm tired, so I can't really think of a better way to say this, but you've got to stop giving Harry so many fucking sweets."
Regulus blinks at him. "Why?"
"It's ruining his appetite, for one. He didn't eat all of his dinner. He's either going to wake up in the middle of the night because he's so hungry, or he's going to be starving when he gets up at his normal time."
"You don't know that for sure; you're guessing."
"I'm bloody not, actually. This isn't the first time it's happened, Regulus. It's happened so many times I can't fucking count them all, and I never said anything to you before because I didn't want you to make it into something it's not, but you've got to stop. Why do you do it, anyways? You're not an idiot; surely you know that a kid can't survive on candy alone."
"I thought he'd eat both," Regulus says, shrugging one shoulder. He looks a little troubled about the situation, which helps. "Can't I give him less? I don't feel right about him going without any at all."
"We're not starving him of all desserts," Sirius replies, rolling his eyes. He wants to be nice and understanding about this, but right now, he's just frustrated. "I don't know why your mind went there."
"It's what our parents did."
Sirius's mouth twists. "Do you think I'm like them? Really? Or James?"
"No." Regulus sighs, knees drawing up. "Our parents were so... conditional."
It's obvious he needs a second to think, so Sirius stays quiet. He feels a little bad about it, but he's not in the mood for a heart to heart. He's sure he'll be happy for this come morning, and even sad that he's not giving this due attention.
"I don't want Harry to feel anything like we did, you know? I remember wanting so much. And it's- I don't even mean like, wanting a new toy every week or wanting to go to a friend's and they wouldn't let me, but sometimes I look back and it feels like I never got anything I wanted."
"Yeah."
"Like I was always yearning for something and asking for it and never got anything. You know what I mean?"
"Yeah." Sirius has thought similar things, like he was always desperate for something that his parents withheld when they could've given it. It doesn't come up very often for him though. Now, he has James and Harry and Regulus as his family, so it's nothing like growing up was-- and Regulus as an adult is nothing like he was as a teenager or kid, so being around him doesn't feel the same as back then. He takes a deep breath and says, "I get it. Really, I do. When Harry asks for a biscuit right before dinner, I want to give it to him because I know he'll smile at me and be happy. But we're adults, Regulus. We know that you can't give a kid every single thing they want. The way our parents went about it was shit, but there has to be a happy medium in there, and that's what we're trying to do with Harry."
"Makes sense," Regulus says glumly, leaning his head into one hand. "I suppose I went a bit overboard with it anyways. You know, no grandparents, only me for an uncle, no aunts, no cousins and no chance for cousins, either. I'm the only extended family he has. I wanted to make up for it as much as I could."
"I don't mind you spoiling him. It's your duty as his uncle," Sirius says with a smirk, "but for now, no sweets. If you think you can learn to tone it down, maybe we can bring that back on Saturday's or summat. Deal?"
"Deal."
"Good." Sirius gives him a quick hug and bids him goodnight.
James is wary when he gets to their room, clearly not sure how well their conversation went.
"All sorted," Sirius tells him, following it with a lingering kiss.
James smiles but puts a pin in that for the moment because he needs to clarify 'all sorted' in this case. "He's going to stop giving Harry sweets?"
"Aye, he promised. I told him he can spoil him in other ways."
He bites back a groan at that. "Your brother has a tendency to go overboard. What're we going to do when the next thing gets out of control?"
"Talk to him, probably," Sirius says, a touch dryly. He's tired. He wanted to get laid tonight, but he's really not sure it's going to happen. He moves to change into sleep clothes.
James senses his change in mood immediately and follows after him, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind when he stops by their dresser. "Ignore me," he mutters, kissing Sirius's neck. "You're right, I know you're right." He kisses him again. "Thank you."
Sirius leans into him. "I don't need to be told I'm right about everything, you know."
"You do when you are," James counters.
He snickers. "Well, I do like how it sounds, so feel free to keep saying it."
*
"I think this can really work for us," James says later, after they've had a nice time in bed and Sirius told him exactly what him and Regulus talked about.
"How do you mean?"
"Regulus wants to be a little more involved-- make up for Harry only having one person as extended family. Why not ask him to babysit every now and then so we can have a date night?"
"Huh. There's an idea." They never considered asking him to babysit for them. Sirius had always assumed that Regulus wouldn't want to, but James has a point.
*
Regulus is happy to babysit for them "-but only once a month."
That's more often than Sirius or James thought to hope for, and they happily agree.
Harry owns more toys than any toddler rightly should after a few months of the new understanding, but so far, there's no real problems with him over it. There's wonder in Sirius's voice as he says this to James.
James laughs and replies, "I guess we'll see how long this will work in our favour."
"I think a while longer."
"Mm, for sure." He grabs Sirius and pulls him in for a kiss. They both love Harry more than anything, but ever since they reached this agreement with Regulus, they've had more time for each other. Less stress overall. It's wonderful.
*
Harry sniffles and looks up at Regulus. He doesn't say a word; he knows by now that he doesn't have to. Smart one, their son. He doesn't push when he knows he's won, and looking at Uncle Regulus with those big eyes of his is a win.
Regulus folds immediately and pats his nephew's head with a quiet-- so as to not be overheard by the parents-- promise to buy him a new toy to replace this one.
James and Sirius don't need to overhear the promise to know that it's happening, however. It's a commonplace exchange between uncle and nephew these days. Sirius thinks it's sweet; James agrees, but the novelty has worn off, leaving him to roll his eyes when he sees Harry with another addition to his army of stuffies-- really, if he took the care to count, he's sure there would be a battalion's worth.
"Should we start worrying yet?" Sirius asks James in an undertone as Regulus and Harry hug-- their son burying his face into his uncle's shoulder.
James glances over, then shakes his head. "I think we're still good."
"Good," he replies, sneaking a kiss.
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imaginejamesandsirius · 2 months
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Everyone welcome our newest member @starlitmusings! She wrote the latest fic we posted, check it out. She's new to prongsfoot, so be sure to make her feel welcome!
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imaginejamesandsirius · 2 months
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Heyyy! here’s a prompt: James and Sirius are tired of constantly turning people down and watching their food for Amortentia or any variation of it so they decide to pretend to be gay and in love. Please make them get together for real in the end :)))
((Note: This fic was written by starlitmusings our newest author! It's ~9k, so you can read below, or on her AO3))
Early morning light filters through the thin curtains of the sixth-year boys’ dormitory, bathing the room with a soft golden hue. James, whose bed is closest to the window, stretches lazily and looks over to the sleeping boy curled next to him.
“Pads,” he whispers. There’s a stray lock of hair falling across his friend’s face, and James has the strange but familiar urge to tuck it in behind his ear and—
And what? Ruin the relationship you have with the most important person in your life?  James dispels the thought with the ease of someone who’s had to do it many times before. “Pads,” he says again, giving him a gentle push. “Wake up, we’ll be late. The others will hog the loo if we don’t get up first.”
Sirius stirs, feels the light on the exposed parts of his body, and promptly locks his legs around James. He blindly finds the crook of James’ neck and buries his face into it with a mumbled, “Don’t want to. ‘M comfy.”
James resists the urge to laugh and instead jams a finger into his shoulder. 
“Ow! Bloody hell, you fucking traitor,” Sirius yelps as he pulls away from James. He sits up slowly and stretches with a yawn, and James finds his gaze drawn to the way the light hits the hard, Quidditch-toned planes of Sirius’ bare chest and arms. 
“I can’t skive off of classes anymore, Sirius, you know that. Besides, you need time to get your hair care routine in or you’ll be a brat all day,” James replies once he wills his eyes to look anywhere but his half-naked friend. The friend that’s half-naked on his bed, his brain promptly supplies, and James mentally kicks himself for the thought.
“Stupid Dumbledore and his stupid decision to make you the stupid Head Boy,” Sirius grumbles. “And I don’t even have a bloody hair care routine, Jamie, you should know that the generational inbreeding took care of that.”
James laughs, trying not to show just how much he agrees with Sirius’ words and heads over to the bathroom with Sirius hot on his heels despite his muttered complaints. Not five minutes, later, Remus and Peter are barging in and kicking them out for taking too long, and James throws Sirius a smug I-told-you-so grin. Sirius rolls his eyes. 
As they’re pulling on their uniforms, Sirius approaches James with an uncharacteristic hesitation. “Prongs,” he begins. “We’re mates, right?”
James nods. “Obviously.” 
“I was thinking, we always share a bed, right?” 
“Right,” James says slowly, unsure of where this is heading.
“And are constantly with each other and want to be near each other, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“So I was thinking—” he’s cut off by the bathroom door slamming open and Remus coming out.
“Morning,” he greets them. “Have you seen my sweater? The one with—”
“In my trunk,” James interrupts. Remus pulls it out with a triumphant grin and pecks James on the cheek. “I need to leave a little early to talk to Minnie about my last essay,” he says as he rushes out the door. “See you at breakfast.” 
There’s silence for a minute before Peter rushes out similarly to Remus just had. Finally free of their dormmates, James turns to Sirius with a raised eyebrow. Go on.  
“Y’know how there’s a Hogsmeade weekend coming up?”
“Sure, so?”
“Well, I was thinking that I’d rather not be accosted by a bunch of people asking for a date when we’re not interested. So let’s pretend we’re dating.”
James blinks, stares, and blinks again. “Come again?”
Sirius sighs, his fingers fiddling with the hems of his sleeves. James thinks he sees the beginning of a light blush on his cheeks, but he also thinks Sirius just said he wants to date him so his mental facilities were clearly malfunctioning. Until Sirius repeats, more slowly this time, “Let’s pretend we’re dating.”
He had heard Sirius loud and clear the first time, but he still can't believe what he’s hearing. He’s not nearly awake or caffeinated enough to handle the love of his life asking him out. Never mind that Sirius wants it to be fake, whatever that means. 
“Um,” he starts. “Wait, what exactly do you—”
“Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Jamie,” Sirius says exasperatedly. “I want you to pretend to be my boyfriend to stop random people from confessing to me. Last week a bloke sent a dwarf to sing me a poem about how he’s going to drink a potion to spontaneously create himself a vagina so I can put babies in him. Like, what the fuck, no thank you.”
“You…didn’t tell me that,” James says, wide-eyed with a mixture of horror and awe. Before he can filter his words — though Merlin knows is his brain is capable of that now — he blurts out, “I’ll do it, obviously, but why me?”
“You know what everyone says, we’re basically a married couple already. Nobody else can make it convincing enough. You’re the best candidate.”
“And Remus can’t because…?”
“You know he’s got his eyes on Regulus.” Sirius scrunches his nose and makes a disgusted sound. “Which is, like, wrong on so many levels I wouldn’t even know where to begin."
James lets out a stangled laugh. “Okay, I get it. But why me, and you know, not someone you actually want to ask out?”
“If I wanted to ask someone out, I wouldn’t be having this problem, now would I?” Sirius retorts. “Besides, you were complaining after Potions the other day about how you caught some girls sneaking Amortentia to slip into our drinks. I was thinking, this way we both benefit and it’s not as awkward as it would be with a stranger.”
This was starting to sound like a horrible idea, but James knew he was going to go through with it regardless as soon as Sirius made his offer. “We’ll need a cover story if we want to get anyone to believe us.”
Sirius nods, pulling James behind him and they make their way down to the Great Hall. “That’s easy since most people think we’re dating already. Let’s just say that we fancied each other for years. It all came to a head this summer when I moved in with you. We’ve actually been dating since summer but we’re only making it official now.”
James hums as he thinks it over. “And Moony and Pete don’t know about this?”
Sirius waves his hand in a careless gesture. “Eh. We’ll tell them the real reason later.” He eyes James carefully, then laces their fingers together. “The rumours will start faster this way,” he says by way of explanation, and James prays on all the gods he doesn’t believe in that Sirius doesn’t notice his racing heartbeat. 
As predicted, whispers and curious glances towards the pair begin as soon as they enter the Great Hall. Sirius turns to James with a gleeful grin and pulls on his hand to press a kiss on his knuckles. There are some squeals and James thinks he sees a third-year pass out, and he’d be lying if he weren’t close to doing the same. 
“What the fuck, you guys,” Remus hisses to them as they sit down. “We were gone for less than ten minutes!”
“We’ll have you know, our darling, precious Moonbeam,” says Sirius, “that James and I are very efficient. Would’ve been a shame if it took longer than that to declare our undying love to each other.”
Remus scoffs. “Would’ve been normal, you mean, considering that your love is neither undying nor existent.”
“How dare you. We are disgustingly in love, I’ll have you know,” Sirius counters, and wraps an arm around James pointedly. James flushes and turns away from Remus’ knowing gaze.
This was going to be a long week.
It doesn’t take long before everyone in Hogwarts is aware of the relationship status of the school’s two most desired students. Most of the upper years congratulate them as they collect their bet winnings and comment on how good they look together, and one fifth-year shyly tells them that their bravery to come out helped them come out to their friends too. 
In hindsight, James realizes that coming out wasn’t even a factor in his decision to fake a relationship. It’s never been a secret that he was bisexual, but it makes sense that a lot of people are surprised since he never publicly announced it. He expects to feel somewhat uneasy, but it’s surprisingly easy to fall into a pattern with his best friend. Sirius was right in that there are hardly any differences in their relationship now that they’re dating — apart from random pecks and hand-holding, which never fail to make James’ stomach explode with butterflies. 
Later that week, when all the sixth-year Gryffindors are lounging on the sofas nearest to the fire, Lily looks at them cheekily. “You boys are remembering to use protection, right?” she asks with a grin. James sputters and throws a pillow at her. Sirius just laughs and reassures her that, yes, darling, of course we are.
James wishes what Sirius said was true. He mostly wishes that he wasn’t in love with his best friend and that he had never agreed to this stupid plan. While he had always pined from afar before, it was much harder to hide his feelings when the object of his desires was now so close.  
“This is the place?” Regulus asks doubtfully, eyeing two little girls in pigtails eating a cloud of pink fluff near the entryway. “The Muggle — uh, park for amusement?”
Remus bounces in excitement, eyes lit up. “Yes! I’m so glad you all agreed to come. This place has been one of my favourite places since I was young.” 
Regulus’ eyes soften as he reaches over to fix his boyfriend’s scarf. “Then I’m glad you brought me here.”
Sirius mimes gagging as the new couple rolls their eyes. James grins and nudges Sirius. 
“ You’re the one who agreed to have a double date instead of eating through our Honeydukes stash together,” he reminds him. 
Sirius huffs. “You can’t expect to resist Reg when he does those eyes on me! And Remus joining in? I was doomed from the start.”
“Says the one who’s actually a dog,” Regulus deadpans. “You of all people should be immune to puppy eyes.”
“I think becoming an Animagus made me less immune, actually,” Sirius muses. “It’s probably to prepare if I ever become a puppy dad.”
Regulus blanches while James and Remus crack up. “I wouldn’t be surprised,” Remus says, laughing. “Remember that lady at the park near Lils’ place with the poodle?”
James bends over with laughter while Sirius shoves them both. “I hate you two! You promised you wouldn’t!”
“Wait, no, I need to know this,” Regulus is grinning evilly, the look worthy of a Black. “Tell me more?”
Remus takes his hand. “With pleasure.”
Sirius puts his nose in the air and huffs again. “That’s my cue to take my leave. James, come with?”
“You look like Mum like that,” Regulus tells him. When Sirius glares at him, he laughs. “That makes the resemblance even better.” Sirius rolls his eyes and turns to James.
“Yeah, okay, but it’s your fault if we get lost,” James replies. He takes a map and bids the other two goodbye, promising to meet them near the food court at lunch. 
“I won’t get lost. I have you, remember?” Sirius says. James raises an eyebrow.
“That would be romantic, but I’m hardly any better than you at navigating this place.”
“At least we’ll have fun?”
“Why are you saying that like a question?”
“My most sincerest apologies. We’ll most definitely have fun!”
“Better.”
“Idiot.”
“Hey, at least I’m your idiot now.”  
Sirius looks over at him with an unreadable expression. “This is fake, Prongs.”
James feels his throat tighten. “Yeah, I know,” he says and tries to ignore the unpleasant clench of his stomach. He thinks he’s successful, but Sirius’ keen gaze seems to read right through the act.
The music playing on a loop as they pass the Tunnel O’ Love overlaps chaotically with excited yells and sounds of carnival games, and sweet, fatty smells mingle with the pine in the air. Sirius leads James along a curling path to a blue-and-gold ticket booth near the entrance, proudly pulling out a stack of Muggle money Remus had given him. 
“I’ll get us two tickets, while you can figure out where you want to go first,” he tells James and hands over a map from the ticket booth. James eyes his arse appreciatively while he flirts with the ticket woman, but quickly averts his gaze when she looks at him knowingly.
James stares at the colourful piece of paper, trying to figure out how to read it. “Does the — uh, does the House of Mirrors sound okay?”
“What, you want to get lost for real? Relying on me, who’s never spoken to a Muggle in my life, to navigate a Muggle wonderland isn’t doing enough for you?”
James shoves him and has to resist a grin when Sirius barks out his laughter. “I’m joking! That sounds fine,” Sirius says, now holding two tickets and a business card with a hastily scrawled number on it. “I’d love to start the day staring at myself from all angles. And you, of course. You’re pretty easy on the eyes.”
“Aww, did my darling Padfoot just say I’m good-looking?” James teases. Sirius rolls his eyes but he can’t hide the smile on his face. 
“Stop fishing for compliments. You know you are."
James’ face flushes. He doesn’t respond while he buys them both churros, some Muggle sweet that tastes like heaven. It’s sweet on his tongue and it helps to distract him a little from the cooler October winds and the sight Sirius makes. He tries not to notice how Sirius moves closer to him for warmth when a large gust hits them, but he can’t ignore the warmth that fills him when he does.
“Is this it?” Sirius asks after a long but comfortable silence. He eyes the pink archway over the entrance of the House of Mirrors distrustfully. 
James nods, face illuminated by the neon lights crisscrossing over the room. “You want to see who can make it out first?”
“Oh, you’re on.” Sirius doesn’t wait a second before taking off to the right. James laughs and takes a left. 
The sound of people hustling through the maze fades as James takes a few steps in. He meets an expected pane of glass and turns right into a new room framed with arches of light. Starting to become more purposeful with his turns, and trying to recall the map of the maze from the entrance, he changes directions but is met with glass. He tries again, with no success.
He’s trying to stay calm, but eventually, the fact that he’s lost and alone and stuck in a glass maze in a Muggle park with no Sirius around starts to become unnerving. His pulse quickens, and he tells himself to keep moving. 
Another glass wall. Keep moving. 
He spins left. Keep moving. 
He’s about to turn right — keep moving — but he slams into someone as he rounds the corner. “Shit,” they gasp, clutching their neck. “Are you okay?”
James nods. He’s feeling a bit dazed so it takes him a moment to realize. “Wait, Sirius? Oh bloody fuck, did I bite you?”
The other person — Sirius — sputters out a laugh. “James? Yeah, you did. It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt.”
“Sirius. I have blood on my teeth, and I don’t think it’s mine.”
Sirius winces. “Yeah, well, I’ve dealt with worse than a bitten collarbone.”
“If it helps, I don’t have rabies.”
“Why would that help? And also, you might have rabies as Prongs.”
A pensive look crosses James’ face. “Wait, you think? Oh shit, let me take a look.”
Sirius stills, then shrugs James’ hand off his shoulder. “I said I’m fine.”
“And I said, let me see.” Without waiting for Sirius’ response, James steps closer to inspect the teeth marks. This close, he can smell Sirius’ peppermint toothpaste and their shared shampoo and something warm and a little earthy, and he can see how the glow of Sirius’ skin under the fluorescent lighting gives him an almost alien-like look. James swallows and wills his blood back up. His best friend’s bleeding, and he’s getting a hard-on. What the fuck?
He distracts himself with healing the small cuts. “There. Good as new,” he says and steps back quickly, only for Sirius to grab his wrist. His grey eyes are dark, reflecting the pink and blue lights overhead. 
“Prongs,” he murmurs. “If you want to—” 
“Yeah,” James breathes out, voice ragged and low. “Anything you want.”
Sirius lets his hand trail up James’ arm, pushing up the sleeve of his sweatshirt and leaving goosebumps in his wake. There’s a split second of hesitation before he’s leaning in, and then James can’t think of anything other than Sirius, his best friend and better half, who smells edible and tastes like the churros they were having earlier and who’s doing something with his tongue that has James gasping and pushing Sirus back against the glass. There’s a crash nearby and some people laughing and they’re springing apart, eyes wide and dark. 
“Why haven’t we been doing this forever?” Sirius breathes. “Fuck, Prongs. That was…”
“Yeah,” James agrees, but he’s unsure what he’s agreeing to. “Wait, what?”
“We should’ve been doing this all along,” Sirius repeats. “I mean, we are dating.”
“Fake,” James automatically says. He thinks he sees disappointment flash across Sirius’ features, but puts it to a trick of the light. 
“Right. Let’s get out of here, yeah? The others will be wondering where we are.”
“Okay,” James says quietly. He’s feeling somewhat off-centre from the kiss and the conversation afterwards, so he leans against Sirius and smiles when he lets him take his hand. 
They seem to walk for hours, and James could swear they went past the same benches a few times, but it feels much easier with Sirius by his side. As soon as the thought forms, as though he can read his mind, Sirius turns to James and gives him a breathtaking smile. “I like it better when you’re with me,” he says softly. 
James stills, heart racing. Between the kiss and now this, he’s feeling rather shaky. “Me too,” he replies quickly, then notices the intensity of the noise here. There’s a barely visible gap between two mirrors facing out, and James grins. 
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“I win,” James says with a laugh, slipping between the glass panes and out into the open air. Sirius comes following, hot on his heels, and whirls to face James. 
“That’s not fair! We were having a moment and I was distracted!”
“Nobody told you to get all sappy on me,” James retorts. “As the winner, I choose the next place we go to.”
“You chose this place too,” Sirius grumbles, but begrudgingly gives James the win. 
“I want to go there.” James points to a large open canopy, under which there seem to be millions of children. “Please?”
“I’m not playing against babies, ” Sirius says. “There’s no way.”
“Your loss. Watch me then, you sore loser.” James grins when Sirius flips him the bird.
“Wait, no, look! Isn’t that Remus?”
James looks around and brightens when he sees him. “Yes! Oh wow, I’m actually hungry. Race you!”
Sirius shakes his head in disbelief then runs off to catch up. 
After lunch, when their stomachs are full of burgers and what Remus calls funnel cakes, James insists on playing until he wins a huge dog plush. He spends the Muggle equivalent of 20 galleons and is about to try again when Remus grabs him by the arm to drag him away. He’s whining and struggling against him when Regulus comes over. 
“Reggie! Tell your boyfriend to let me go!”
Regulus turns to Sirius. “Is this about that toy?”
“I need to win that for Sirius! Think of my dignity, I can’t let toddlers win games that I can’t!”
Sirius pulls James against him. “I don’t need a mediocre representation of my beautiful Animagus form, love. It’s fine if they win.”
“No,” James gasps. “Not you too!”
“It’s not your fault you’re bad at kid games,” Regulus teases. 
“Oi, these machines are rigged against us magical folk anyways,” Sirius consoles, ruffling James’ hair. The three of them have to physically drag his thrashing body away a minute later when a kid no older than four comes up to the machine right after them and manages to win the plush in one go.
“Wha—how in the world—can I steal it from him?”
Remus raises an eyebrow. “You’re not stealing a toy from a four-year-old, James, what happened to your morals?”
“I lost it with my dignity!”
Regulus laughs. “Close your mouth, James, flies are gonna go in.”
“But—But my Padfoot plushie—”
“How dare you insinuate that that crappy fabric monstrosity is me. ”
James sniffles. “It was beautiful. It would’ve kept me so warm at night.”
“What am I for?”
“Your feet are too cold,” James says miserably. “I wanted that!”
Sirius purses his lips. “For that, I’m not sleeping with you tonight.”
James blinks. “You don’t mean that. I can’t get my plushie, and now I won’t get Siri snuggles?”
Regulus and Remus crack up, and Sirius shakes his head with an amused huff. James pouts the entire way home.
“Uh, Sirius? What are you doing?” James asks, surprised to see Sirius waiting for him outside detention. “You’re supposed to be at dinner.”
“I was waiting for you to finish,” Sirius says, smoothing down nonexistent dust from the dark Muggle jeans he’s wearing. “Come on, we’re going out.”
“What?”
“I’m treating you to dinner. Being a proper boyfriend and all that.”
James blinks. “We’re not proper boyfriends.”
Sirius glances up. “Do you want to be?”
What. James has no idea how to respond to that so he busies himself with transfiguring his robes to something more casual. He lets himself get dragged to the Three Broomsticks where they have shepherd’s pie, drink too much Butterbeer, and call it dinner. Between the good food and good company, James can’t bring himself to complain, even though Sirius is acting a lot weirder than usual.
“I was thinking,” Sirius begins. The two of them are curled around each other on a sofa in front of the fire, watching Remus and Regulus play Exploding Snap. It’s a Friday night, and they’re pushing off their homework to Sunday.
“Oh no,” James groans theatrically. “Last time you said that, we had to start dating!”
Sirius shoves him. “Oh, fuck off.” Then, noticing others looking their way with confused glances, Sirius raises his voice. “Yes, and how good did the idea come out to be?”
James catches his drift. “Yeah, it was one of your better ideas for sure.” He leans down to kiss him without thinking and freezes when he realizes what he just did. They’re both still for a second before Sirius flips them over and snogs him so thoroughly that James thinks he probably won’t get the taste of him out for a week.
Regulus throws a cushion at them. “Get a room, you insufferable wankers.”
Sirius flips him off. “Remember that when you’re sucking Moony’s face off, you tosser.”
Remus winces. “Why are you so crude?”
Sirius ignores him, turning back to James. “So I was thinking, we should go see your parents this weekend.”
“Like right now?” James asks, bewildered. 
“Our relationship has been the talk of the school for a few weeks now. I think they’d appreciate hearing it from us before they get it from someone else.”
James sits up quickly, nearly knocking Sirius over. “Fuck, I did not think this would go so far.”
“Why, are you ashamed of me?”
“No! I just don’t want to, you know, lie to my parents about dating my best friend. Who’s basically their son? Is that incest?”
“It doesn’t have to be a lie,” Sirius says quietly. “And ew, what the hell, Prongs, why would this be incest!” 
James stares at him. “Why do you keep saying that when you’re the one who came up with the whole fake part of this?”
Sirius looks away. “Never mind. Do you want to go now? Because Minnie’s probably still awake. We could use her Floo.”
James stares for a moment longer. “Um, okay.”
He heads toward the portrait hole, missing the worried look Remus and Regulus shoot toward Sirius. 
“James! Sirius! What a surprise, I missed you both so much!” Euphemia says happily as she grabs them in a tight hug. “You’ve already grown so much and it’s only been a few months!”
James smiles as he leans down to kiss her head, tension leaving his shoulders at her embrace. “We missed you too, Mum. Where’s Dad?”
“In the office, I presume. Oh, come here, you,” she pulls Sirius over to kiss his cheeks. Sirius smiles, cheeks turning pink, and squeezes her back just as hard.
“What’s this?” Fleamont asks as he walks over. “Well, would you look at that, my sons finally remembered they have parents!”
James watches as Sirius stiffens with a flush before relaxing with a brilliant smile. “I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping in touch as much as I want to. We’re so busy with school.”
Fleamont laughs. “I’m just messing with you.” He grabs James into a headlock, which James resists for half a minute before giving up. Pressing a kiss on his son’s forehead, he turns to Sirius and greets him the same way.
“I can’t say I’m unhappy with this surprise, but why so sudden? I wasn’t expecting either of you two.” Euphemia pulls them over to the living room and calls their house-elf to prepare something for them to eat, despite their insistence of having already eaten dinner.
There’s a few minutes of tense silence. “Well, it’s just that—” James tries to begin, but gets interrupted by the house-elf returning with tea and biscuits.
“We’re dating,” Sirius blurts out. He’s watching Euphemia and Fleamont with a steady glance, face betraying nothing. James stares at him, wishing he could vanish into thin air. He’s gotten used to introducing themselves as boyfriends to the people at school, so it shouldn’t sound so foreign, but in front of his parents, he feels stripped bare. 
Fleamont sets down his teacup and Euphemia pauses. James watches tentatively as their expressions morph into one of surprise before shifting to joy. Fleamont’s smile twitches and Euphemia’s eyes glitter merrily. 
“I can’t say we didn’t expect this,” Euphemia says, tea all but forgotten as she leans forward to take their hands in hers. “When did this start?”
“Over the summer, but we didn’t know how to tell you,” Sirius replies once he realizes that James has lost all ability to function. “We made it official a little bit into the school year.”
Fleamont grins. “No wonder you were so eager to get away this year.”
Sirius laughs. James wants to die. “I can’t help it. I just want James all to myself, even when he’s right next to me.”
Euphemia coos. “I can’t believe Sirius is the first boyfriend you brought home for us to meet, James. You’re getting all grown up, aren’t you?” she says, pinching his cheeks and James pulls away in embarrassment. 
There’s a part of him that wants to confess and tell them that they’re not actually a couple and it was just a silly mistake, but he can’t bring himself to. Not when they’re both looking at them so excited about their relationship. He knows it will hurt them more if — when — they inevitably call this off, but for now, he selfishly doesn’t want to ruin the moment.
James thinks he should feel more guilty about lying to his friends and family about being in a relationship. But strangely, he doesn’t.
Maybe it’s because no matter how much he tries to deny it, the truth isn’t too far off from the lies that he’s telling them.
Later, he comes into the kitchen to help his mum put away the tea. She leans against him when he hugs her from behind and rests her hands on his. They’re wrinkled and rough from age and labour, but they’re just as familiar as James remembered.
Euphemia lets out a deep breath. “I worry for you two sometimes.” 
James frowns. “Why? We’re doing fine, both Sirius and I.”
She closes her eyes and James feels his throat pinch. She looks so fragile in his arms. “Both of you always put each other before yourselves,” she says. “Even if it comes at the cost of your own happiness. I worry that there will be a time where you both think you’re doing what will benefit the other, but will only cause a divide between you two.”
James hums into her hair. “You don’t need to worry about that, Mum. Sirius and I share a brain cell, remember? Nothing can divide us.” 
She laughs and he leans down to kiss her quickly when he hears her whisper, “Jamie, I’m going to tell him this too because you’re both my boys. I love you both to pieces, but if he dares to hurt you, dump him. You deserve only the best.”
He can’t help but laugh, but he feels hollow. Who could be better than Sirius? And why would they want me when my best friend doesn’t?
On Monday morning, James is called into Dumbledore’s office for a Head meeting. As he walks alongside Lily, she gently nudges him to face her.
“I’m so happy for you, James,” she tells him seriously. “Am I a little miffed that you got with Sirius right when we started getting along? A little. But you two are so perfect for each other, it’s hard to be anything but happy for you.”
James tilts his head in confusion. “What do you mean? We’ve always been close, so this is hardly any different from what we were like before.”
She smiles and shakes her head. “Yes, but since you two started dating, both of you seem, I don’t know, lighter.”
“We’ve always been happy together. Even as friends.” James fights the urge to say that they’re still just friends.
“Mhm, sure, but you were less attached.” At James’ disbelieving laugh, she amends, “Like, you two would be together, but both of you obviously wanted more. And now you have that, so you two look less lonely.”
James says nothing. She nudges him again and makes a face, and they both start giggling. It would’ve been so easy to be in love with Lily, James thinks, as he watches her dimples come out as she laughs. Her red hair falls in waves behind her, and James wishes he still wanted to wrap his hands in it as he once did. 
“What if… what if I told you that we’re not in a real relationship?” he asks quietly. As soon as it’s out, he wishes he could take it back.
Lily’s eyes narrow. “I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
“We did this so people wouldn’t make a big deal of asking us out to Hogmeade,” James says in a rush. “We’re just pretending to be dating. We’re not anything more than best mates.”
“Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Are you just pretending to like him?”
James squirms. He feels exposed under Lily’s sharp gaze. “Yes.”
“Really.” Lily’s tone is flat and gives no indication as to what she thinks, but James hears her disbelief loud and clear. He’s just grateful that she masked her surprise well.
“Okay, so maybe I like him a tiny bit more than I let on,” James admits. 
Lily nods. “So obviously, I’m right. So? When are you telling him?”
James makes an indignant squawk. “Why would I risk ruining our friendship like that?”
Lily purses her lips. “How are you so sure that your friendship with him will be ruined? Last I checked, you could kill his entire family and he’d still worship the ground you walk on.”
“He hates his family, save for Regulus. And I’d never kill Regulus so that’s hardly saying anything.”
Lily makes a frustrated noise. “James. Even before this fake dating ruse, neither of you can fall asleep unless you’re cuddling each other. You’re constantly talking to him or about him. If either of you are ever separated, you have a mirror to talk through for the few minutes that you’re not joined at the hip. How much more oblivious can any two people get?”
James huffs. “That’s only because Sirius is comfy and interesting and brilliant and funny and gorgeous and understands me more than anyone else.”
When Lily says nothing, he looks over and sees her staring at him in a McGonagall-esque manner. “Okay,” he concedes. “So maybe I fancy him a lot, and maybe he likes me back. Emphasis on the maybe. If I confess, and he doesn’t feel the same, what then?”
“Then blame it on me. To save you from your misery, I’ll marry you and we’ll have seven babies and start our own Quidditch team,” Lily says, deadpan. James laughs and puts his arm around her.
“Sounds like a plan,” he tells her happily. “I’ll be the best, most doting husband and father ever.”
She smiles indulgently and hugs him back.
Winter holidays come around quickly. Regulus had come by during the day with Remus but they’ve long since gone. To pass the time, James and Sirius nick some Firewhisky stashed in Fleamont’s study and are passing the bottle between them when James decides to ruin his night. 
“Why did you choose to fake a relationship with me when you could’ve gotten into a real one with someone you fancy?” he blurts out. His brain-mouth filter is fuzzy after having too much to drink. 
“I like spending time with you,” Sirius replies matter-of-factly, as though nothing could be more obvious. “Why hang out with some stupid stranger when I could be with you?”
“Not what I meant.” Sirius looks so pretty, James thinks, staring at the pink flush starting to spread across his cheeks as he drinks more alcohol. They were sitting cross-legged on the floor of James’ bedroom when they first took out the bottle, but now they’ve manoeuvred so that their legs are intertwined and they’re heavily leaning on each other.
James can see the flutter of Sirius’ dark eyelashes whenever he turns to face him. Moonlight illuminates his face from the gap between the curtains, turning his eyes silver. His bottom lip is redder than the top from biting down on it. It’s soft and plump and seems to be beckoning James near. 
A siren’s call. That’s what Sirius was — a siren. Tantalizing, perfect, untouchable. Dangerous to get too close to.
“I’m tired of people wanting to have a part of me without taking the time and effort to understand me. They don’t even know me — I mean, they think they do, but all they see is the popular Hogwarts heartthrob, the rule-breaker and prankster. The black sheep of the Black family.” Sirius’ eyes are glassy from the whiskey, but his gaze seems sad and far away for an entirely different reason.
“That’s not true. I see you,” James says, watching Sirius blink up at him. It feels awfully domestic to be sitting here, away from everyone in just their ugly comfort clothes and baggy sweats. Sirius has a flower clip stuck to his hair that’s nearly slipping off of his bangs and all of his earrings have been put away for the night. They’re just them, and James wants to take a picture to capture it forever.
“But that’s ‘cause you’re you, Jamie. I couldn’t keep a part of myself away from you even if I tried.”
“Not the part of yourself that’s saved for your future special person.”
“You’re my special person, Jamie. There’s no one else.” Sirius waves a hand in front of James’ face and James intertwines their hands together instinctively, mindlessly rubbing circles into the back of Sirius’ hands with his thumb. He drops his bottle to trace over his knuckles with his other hand and presses a kiss onto each raised bone. Sirius’ breath hitches.
“You don’t want me like that, Pads.” James has no idea why he says that. He wants to remain in this ignorant bubble they created in his room for a little longer before Sirius inevitably rejects him. There’s a strange tension filling the air and James feels like he’s drowning. The only anchor he has is the weight of Sirius’ hand in his, but that’s not enough, not when Sirius doesn’t feel the same way, not when James wants more than what Sirius can give, not when James is so fucking greedy he’ll take everything Sirius offers and still beg for more. 
He doesn’t realize that they’re both holding their breaths. All of his attention is focused on the warm, reassuring weight of Sirius’ hand in his, the fingers long and thin and callused from Quidditch. James’ hands are slightly larger and wrap around Sirius’ like two puzzle pieces fit together, just like the two of them. Golden brown on paler white, a work of art.
Like a moth to a flame, James scoots over to Sirius. The small rational part of his mind screams at him to pull away before he hurts himself and Sirius and their beautiful, wonderful relationship. It may be the Firewhiskey or it may be the months of pining, but all rationale flies out the window when Sirius beams at him, wide and unburdened and brighter than his namesake, so fucking perfect it hurts.
“You’re wrong, Prongs,” Sirius whispers. Their faces are inches away from each other. James can’t help but trace lines down the side of his jaw, feeling the 5 o'clock shadow there.  “You’re so wrong, bloody hell, I don’t know what I’d even do without you. Burn the world down to get you back, probably, or become the next Dark Lord. I’d do it all, for you.” 
James stills. He can feel Sirius’ breath fan across his face and can almost hear his racing heartbeat. Or maybe that’s his own. His head is spinning, and everything is starting to feel too real. He needs space, needs to get away before he does something he’ll regret.
He pulls away from Sirius, dropping his hand and pushing to his feet. He swallows down the lump in his throat and tries to ignore the way Sirius flinches, a look of hurt marring his face. James is about to reach again, apology at the tip of his tongue, but he reminds himself that it’s for their own good. 
Sirius is drunk, after all, and it won’t mean anything come morning. It hasn’t meant anything so far, and if he makes one mistake, everything they take for granted could come crashing down. Best to stop it before it’s too late.
“It’s getting late,” James forces out. It takes almost all of his effort to plaster an unaffected smile on his face. His hands clench at his sides, longing for Sirius’ warmth. “We should go to bed.”
He stumbles into the loo to wash his face, knees shaking so much that he knocks into the edge of his bed. He refuses to turn around, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from giving in upon seeing the expression on Sirius’ face. He promised himself years ago that he would never be the cause of Sirius’ misery, and doing this to both of them makes him feel like the biggest arse in the world.
When he returns, Sirius is on their bed, curled into himself on the very edge. James wants to reach out to hold him close and whisper sweet nothings into his ear to take away his discomfort, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He falls into a restless sleep, wishing for the millionth time that he was a better man. Maybe then he wouldn’t make so many mistakes.
Before long, classes start again. Amidst piling assignments, Quidditch practice, Head duties, and career planning meetings with McGonagall, James barely has time to spend time alone with Sirius. Since that drunken night at home, Sirius has stopped squeezing into his bed every night, leaving James alone with the dark, a strangely cold bed, and racing thoughts.  James doesn’t know whether to consider it a blessing or a curse. If anything, the distance only makes him think about Sirius more. 
If James had any self-control, he’d stop himself from remembering how Sirius had looked that night. But the past few months of stolen kisses and lingering touches had crumbled any control James had over his thoughts, and he often found himself imagining how Sirius’ flushing skin and loose tongue. The slope of his neck as he leaned against him. The cold, gentle slide of his fingers across James’ bare thighs. The painful avoidance in the following days, the awkward silences and betrayed glances. 
It’s that last memory that forces James to face his reality and bury his overwhelming feelings in the recesses of his mind. He knows he wears his heart on his sleeve, that he laughs effortlessly, cries easily, and cares fiercely. But another part of him knows that to keep Sirius from being scared away by the intensity of his love, he must hide those parts of himself. And so he keeps a distance and ignores Sirius’ flinches and sad eyes. 
He’s doing loops over the Quidditch field the afternoon of his birthday, trying to calm his emotions. He’d been ecstatic when he woke up to a surprise birthday breakfast in the common room with students from all houses and his parents calling over the Floo, but that excitement had been damped when he realized Sirius wasn’t there. It wasn’t uncommon lately for Sirius to slip away in the mornings before James woke up, but he’d been hoping to settle the tension between them to enjoy his birthday with his favourite person.
He looks down when a Hufflepuff third-year calls his name from the sidelines. She’s holding a large gift bag and waving to get his attention.
“Sirius told me to give this to you,” the younger girl says while handing him the bag. “I don’t know why he couldn’t just give it to you himself when he saw you this morning. Something about not being able to give it to you because he has some modelling gig. Since when does Sirius model?”
“He doesn’t,” James replies, bewildered. “Why did he say that?”
The girl shrugs. “Don’t ask me. You’re the only one who can make sense of the stuff he says.” With that, she goes back to the castle, leaving James alone.
Inside the bag is a box of Honeydukes’ chocolates — an assortment of hibiscus raspberry and cardamom orange, which meant Sirius had taken the time to custom-order James’ favourite seasonal flavours. James feels a pleasant warmth pooling in his gut, touched at Sirius’ thoughtfulness despite the past few weeks of strained friendship. 
There’s another larger box with a red ribbon wrapped around it. James gasps when he sees what’s in it, before laughing in disbelief. 
It’s a large, black dog plushie wearing a leather jacket and holding a wand. 
There’s a note attached to the ribbon and James instantly recognizes Sirius’ neat, small handwriting. It reads,
Happy birthday Jamie! You may be of age now but know that I am still older and that if you don’t continue to treat me as a respected elder, I will make you regret it. But I guess I’d rather you treat me as a child than have to endure this distance you’ve put between us. It was that night during the hols, wasn’t it? I freaked you out with my feelings. I knew I should’ve kept my distance, but you should’ve seen yourself. Moonlit and dark-lidded and, as usual, breathtaking.  
Anyway, I love you despite your idiotic tendencies to push people away when you think you’re not good enough for them or whatever bullshit your mind spews out. (I can imagine your raised eyebrow as you call me a hypocrite, but let me have this.) Hope we can go back to normal sooner rather than later; it feels strange to not have you with me constantly. 
Xx Your favourite Marauder, Padfoot 
James’ gut churns while his mind scrambles to make sense of the words. Sirius had feelings? For him? He loved him? All this time, he was trying to protect his heart by distancing himself, but he never considered if Sirius had meant what he had said that night. The proof was right there.
And yet, it felt too good to be true.
The dorm is empty when James comes in, but the map is conveniently on Remus’ nightstand. Taking it with him, he finds Sirius seated in a window of an empty corridor on the third floor, resting his elbows on his knees and looking outside. He turns when he hears footsteps. His grey eyes widen for a fraction of a second when he sees James, before setting into a resigned expression.
“Modeling gig?” is the first thing that comes out of James’ mouth. “What the hell, Sirius.”
“Why are you here?” Sirius asks quietly. He looks withdrawn and guarded, and the look sends a pang through James’ chest. 
“I got your note.” James sits next to Sirius on the small seat and purses his lips when Sirius immediately pulls his feet close to himself. “I didn’t know—”
“It doesn’t matter, James,” Sirius bites back. His eyes, blank just moments before, is not bright with anger and hurt. His hands tremble where he’s clutching his knees, and he pauses to glare at them for a moment before continuing. “I know where I stand. You made it plenty clear. I just wanted to get it out of the way so I wouldn’t have to deal with this… this whole uncertainty when it comes to you. I know I won’t get what I want, and you know this too, so can we just pretend we talked about everything we needed to talk about and go back to normal?”
“What if I don’t want to go back to normal?” James retorts. He’s starting to feel a little angry himself. 
In an instant, Sirius deflates, eyes looking lost once again. “I don’t — I don’t understand. I know I messed up, but I didn’t think — I mean, is it such a bad thing for me to love you? I’d change it if I could, but somehow, my heart’s not getting the message.”
Shit, James thinks. He never wanted to make Sirius feel like he was at fault when it was James who ruined everything by catching feelings and panicking as soon as he realised them. 
Taking the silence for a response, Sirius sighs. “Look, I’m sorry it’s making you uncomfortable. Believe me, I’m doing everything I can to stop myself from feeling this way. Just — don’t push me away. If this is about that stupid deal, you can call it off. Dae other people. You’ve done more than enough for me. I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you want it to end.”
“Don’t stop,” James blurts out. “Don’t stop feeling everything you just said.”
“What?”
“It’s just that — I don’t want to pretend anymore.” Words spill out before James can think, and he’s hoping somehow Sirius will be able to understand what he’s trying to get at. “I don’t want to fake a relationship with you, because it’s getting too much.”
Sirius inhales sharply and nods, a little frantic. “Okay, yeah, okay. Totally. I understand. We don’t have to do this anymore. Consider yourself back on the market.”
“That’s not what I meant.” James can feel the frustration simmering under his skin. Unconsciously, his hands reach to grasp at the closest part of Sirius — his ankles — and he uses them to pull Sirius closer. A distant memory flickers into his mind of the night when they had last sat like this, legs intertwined. Mouths millimetres apart, cheeks flushed, breath hot and heavy. 
“I kept a distance from you because I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same way,” James says quietly. “I didn’t want to hurt you or myself, but I guess I failed anyway.”
“Why wouldn’t I feel the same way? Wait, how do you feel—”
“I’m in love with you, okay?” James says. It comes out louder than he meant for it to. There’s shocked silence on Sirius’ end as James’ words hang between them. James takes a deep breath. 
“I’ve been in love with you since fifth year,” he continues at a normal volume. “Lily and I had that Transfiguration project and I learned throughout that I don’t see her as anything more than a friend. The flirting had become a habit by then, I think, so I didn’t see it until we had to work together. It’s nothing like the way we click with each other. So yeah, I guess I love you. Too. Holy shit, you love me back, Si.”
Sirius laughs, a breathless little thing before his lips are on James’ and the rest of the world fades. Before, when Sirius had kissed him, James had felt like he was drowning, so wrapped in the scent and feel of his best friend that the emotions were overwhelming. Now, with the knowledge that his feelings were reciprocated, he feels like he’s floating, safe in Sirius’ embrace.
“I dreamed about this for ages,” Sirius murmurs as he sits back. “That’s the whole reason I started this whole fake dating thing. I didn’t think I’d have much luck asking you out properly, so I pulled this to, ah, test the waters, if you will.”
James snickers. “So all of this was what, a free trial?”
“Yes,” Sirius murmurs against his neck. James’ breathing hitches. “And I’m feeling very satisfied with the service thus far. But I can’t leave a fair review without testing out all the features. It wouldn’t be right.”
“Oh — ah, fuck — what did you have in mind?” James can’t think, can’t breathe, can’t do anything but pant as Sirius works his fingers into his hair and pulls, kissing him hard the whole time. When Sirius trails a hand down to cup James’ arse through his trousers, James feels his heart stop. 
There’s a wicked grin on Sirius’ face. “Now that I’ve tasted you up here, I kind of want to taste you down there too. See if the tastes match. Or something. I don’t know, I just want to blow you right now.”
James squeaks. “Like, right here? Aren’t we going too fast?”
Sirius sombers. “Jamie,” he whispers. “I’ve been wanting you since we were thirteen. If anything, I think we’re going too slow. But if you’re not ready, I can wait. I’ve waited four years for you, and I will wait four million more if that’s what you want.”
James nods quickly. “I want you too. So much. I’ve been going crazy these past few months trying not to jump into your lap and snog you senseless.”
Sirius smiles. It’s a soft, little thing, and James knows it’s meant only for him. “What’s keeping you now?”
James ducks his head with a blush. “I — can we go to our dorms first?”
“Oh, Prongs,” Sirius says with a shake of his head. “One day I’ll introduce you to the high of doing this in public.”
“You’re such an exhibitionist. No wonder you’re starting a modelling gig,” James chides as he links their hands together. It’s such an endearing sight that he can’t help but lift Sirius’ hands to his mouth and shower his fingers and knuckles with kisses. Sirius’ steps stutter and James looks up, delighted. 
“I was put on the spot,” Sirius says defensively. “I didn’t expect her to start asking questions. I just wanted her to give it to you, not interrogate me.”
“You could’ve just given it to me yourself, like a normal person.”
“We’re anything but normal. Anyway, I was too nervous about your reaction.”
“Touché. Still, it would’ve been loads better coming from you.”
“Then allow me to make it up to you.” Sirius tugs on James’ hand until he stops. He reaches up to frame James’ face as he gently presses their lips together. James isn’t sure how much time passes before they pull apart. As they lean their foreheads on each other, Sirius’ lips quirk. 
“Happy birthday, Jamie. I love you.”
James smiles and tucks in a strand of hair coming loose from Sirius’ bun. “I love you too.”
31 notes · View notes
imaginejamesandsirius · 3 months
Note
Hi, could you write a fic about Chubby!Harry coming home from school in a bad mood and not really eating any of his dinner (he normally wolfs it down then has seconds, so this worried James and Sirius) and then his dads ask him what’s wrong and it turns out people have been bullying him at school and the teachers have been ignoring it, and now some of them are getting involved too?
Lots of body-positive, hurt/comfort fluff, with protective Sirius and James going and giving the school a piece of their mind?
((A/N: Warning for mentions of bullying fat people and fatphobia.))
When Harry gets off the train and isn't bursting with happiness at seeing them again, Sirius tries not to take it personally. Harry is a teenager now, and it makes sense if he's more sad to leave his friends behind-- nothing compares to staying in the same dormitory as the best mates, he knows-- than happy to see his parents again.
He shares a look with James as they leave the station, and they agree that he'll shake it off soon enough.
Except he doesn't. His mood gets worse and worse. James practically drags him to the dinner table that night, and Harry only pokes at his food with a clenched jaw instead of eating it.
"Haz?" Sirius ventures.
Harry looks up from his plate, meeting his eyes dully.
"Is everything okay?"
"Fine."
"Are you sure?" James asks, unconvinced.
"Yes."
"It's just, you're not eating. I thought you liked Shepherd's pie," Sirius says. He would be worried that it didn't turn out except his piece is fine-- rather tasty, actually, since he has plenty of experience making it.
"I don't have an appetite is all."
"Did you eat a lot on the train?"
Harry's looks askance and gives a small shrug. He's lying, but as much as Sirius wants to get to the bottom of the matter, cornering Harry isn't going to help anything.
"It's alright. I'll set some aside so you can have it before you go to bed tonight," Sirius says, trying his best to smile like he doesn't suspect anything amiss.
"No, it's... it's fine," Harry tries. "I'll just eat a bit now."
While James and Sirius finish eating, Harry manages all of two bites.
"Alright Harry, that's enough," James says, pushing his empty plate away from himself so he can put his folded arms on the table. "What's wrong?"
Harry's expression turns pained. "Do I eat too much?"
"No, not at all," Sirius says, as James shakes his head. He isn't sure there is such a thing as eating too much, unless it makes one sick-- and Harry has never eaten so much that he puked. "Why would you think that?"
"Some people at school said..." Harry trails off, but it's not from a lack of words, it's from shame. His cheeks colour a self-conscious red.
"What did they say?" James asks sharply.
"I dunno," Harry mumbles. It's an obvious lie, and he continues on, almost as if he didn't say it at all. "That I'm... pigging out. That I'd lose weight if I ate less."
Sirius feels like his stomach drops to the floor.
"Who said that to you?" James asks.
Harry's shoulder shrink in on himself like he wants to disappear, but he answers the question without further prodding. "Everyone says it. Even the professors."
Sirius forces his voice to come out calmly. The last thing he wants is to sound angry and make Harry regret telling them. "Which professors?"
"Pa, I don't want to make a big deal out of it."
Both of his parents have to hold back the response that it is a big deal, because that's not going to help Harry feel better. A shared look between the two of them confirms that the professors will be hearing about it, but they're not sure how to handle the conversation right in front of them. Sirius tilts one corner of his mouth down-- he can't think of anything to say.
James clears his throat uncomfortably and looks back to Harry. Harry's gaze is trained on his barely touched meal, missing the quick interaction his fathers had. "You should be happy," James says, and it feels so simple and James to Sirius that he can't help but smile. "We're here to help you be happy. It's not a big deal to talk to your professors about something they shouldn't be doing or letting happen in the first place. One of the Defense professors in our day had it out for Pa, and your grandparents stepped in for him."
"I asked them not to, and I was embarrassed about it at the time, but it helped," Sirius adds softly. His heart aches looking at the warring emotions on their child's face. He recognises it from his own tumultuous teenage years; he hoped that Harry would never have to deal with anything that made him feel this way, but maybe growing up would always include something horrible.
Harry shifts uncomfortably. Then, so quietly they can barely hear, he lists the names of two professors. "Nobody says anything around the other professors, but they're..."
"We'll take care of it," James promises.
Sirius can't let his son sit there and look so sad, not when he can do something about it. He gets out of his seat and rounds the table to hug Harry from behind.
"Pa," Harry says, embarrassed, but in the usual way he is with his parents' antics, rather than personal shame.
"You're perfect, pup, you know that?"
"I'm not a pup anymore," Harry argues.
"You'll always be my pup."
"I'm glad to see you didn't deny the perfect part," James says, looking at them with a smile growing on his face.
Sirius keeps on hugging him because Harry isn't trying to get rid of him.
James's eyes flicker to Harry's plate once more. "Haz, Lily was heavy too." They don't talk about Lily much. She hadn't wanted to be involved after he was born, but then she died shortly after. It feels worse to not mention her role in Harry's existence, so they try to walk the line. Harry shares her genetics, and right now, that is worth talking about. "She was healthy, just like you are. There's nothing wrong with being fat."
Sirius loosens his arms and stands up enough to press a kiss to the top of Harry's head. He didn't want to let go, but he gets the feeling that he should anyways. He gives him a parting squeeze and rounds the table to give James a hug because his husband, at least, will always hug him back. With James's hand coming up to touch his arm, he feels grounded enough to offer, "Do you want me to find you something else to eat?"
"No, this- this is fine. Thanks." Harry takes a small bite, and they go from there.
*
In private-- and with a silencing spell to ensure Harry can't overhear-- they rage. They both need to rant and curse anyone who would treat Harry this way, and when it's just the two of them, they can do it. 
It's not only the two professors, it's the Gryffindor prefects too. Harry made a point of pretending like it wasn't that big of a deal the whole time, even though it was obvious he was hurting. He didn't tell them the names of all the students, just the ones with a bit more power. Prefects in the various Houses, a few upperclassmen. He even stressed that his friends told off anyone that said it, but they had their own studies and it's not like he needs them to look after him anyways. He tried so hard to downplay it while still answering their questions. It was understandable, but infuriating.
After they get the first wave of it out of their systems, it's time to plan. Professor Dumbledore is the Headmaster so he'll have to be involved in some fashion, but he's not the one who will be dealing with the situation-- that'll be Professor McGonagall. She's the Head of House for Gryffindor, and much more hands on than Dumbledore could ever be. She should be looking after Harry now that the prefects can't be trusted to do a bloody thing except add to it.
When they manage to get McGonagall on the floo, she is gratifyingly concerned. When they mention that the Gryffindor prefects are part of the problem, she looks incensed.
"I wanted it to feel better," James says, after they're done talking to her and she's gone from their fireplace.
"What do you mean?"
"I wanted to feel good after we took care of it. Maybe... I dunno, happy? Happy that Harry won't have to deal with it anymore, but I don't. I just feel angry, same as I did before."
"I know what you mean," Sirius says, taking James's hand in both of his own. "Maybe it'll feel good once he goes back to school and doesn't have to deal with it anymore. Right now, he's still with us. It's like nothing's changed yet."
"Yeah, maybe," James says noncommittally.
Sirius waits for him to finish whatever thought is in his head that's giving him so much trouble and isn't disappointed.
"I'm mad that it happened at all."
"Me too," Sirius agrees softly.
"I thought making sure it won't happen again would make that go away, but it didn't. I'm still angry."
Sirius squeezes his hand. He is too. He's not sure anything's going to make it disappear. "As long as it gets better, we'll move on."
"Right." James smiles at him. "Of course, you're right."
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imaginejamesandsirius · 4 months
Note
Fat Slytherin Sirius ate away his frustration over his crush on Gryffindor James?
He’s a loner (his only friend is Regulus), he thinks he’s huge and gross and no one would fancy him (especially someone as gorgeous as James), but James has secretly crushed on him hard all these years.
Maybe it’s Valentines Day and Sirius always gets a huge box of Honeydukes every year from a secret admirer? This year, however, the receipt is accidentally left in, and James’s name is on it.
((A/N: Warnings for eating disorders and fatphobia! I try to go light on both of them, but they are present so tread carefully))
Sirius eats when he’s frustrated. He's always been this way. When he was a kid, he could run and play and his parents never bothered to stop him. Ever since Hogwarts though, he started putting on weight. He was sat in class for countless hours. The most exercise he got was walking up and down the staircases since he didn't care for flying and there was no other sport at the school.
At the start, being chubby didn't bother him. He looked just like his dad when Orion was a kid, and it stood to reason that Sirius would look like him as an adult, as well-- and while he has many issues with his father, looking like him isn't one of them.
But Hogwarts is different. People's gazes don't interact with him the way they do others. He learns to be self-conscious, and there's no escape-- not with everything else going on in his life. It doesn't help that he doesn't have any friends. The only person in Slytherin that he can stand is his own brother (and Regulus has the same problem as him that manifests in the opposite way: refusing to eat). 
He likes people in other Houses, but he doesn't know how to make any of them friends. He doesn't know if any of them would even be interested in it as a possibility, what with him being in Slytherin and a Black, to boot. With the world the way it is right now, well, he can understand why they'd keep him at a distance even if he managed to give it a try. And he doesn't really have anything in common with most other students, does he? The number of fat students at Hogwarts can be counted on one hand.
He's... disgusting. His parents can say all day long that he doesn't need to concern himself with how others think of his body, but considering their other views, he doesn't believe it. When he manages to have a sense of humour about it-- something that is happening less frequently-- he jokes that between him and Regulus, they do manage to eat enough for two people; Sirius eats enough for one and three quarters, and Regulus eats enough for one quarter. It's enough to get a smile from his brother, weak and too pale though he is.
Sirius wears layers, keeps his eyes to himself, and... okay, he mostly keeps his eyes to himself. One student caught his attention back in first year, and he’s being pining from afar ever since.
James Potter. Gryffindor. Quidditch Captain. Head Boy. Confident, fit, popular.
They're in the same year. They take the same electives, so they share a fair bit of lessons. The occasional partnered assignment during class has pushed them together.
So it's not like James has no idea who he is. It's more like he doesn't care. And why would he? He's everything Sirius isn't. Back in fifth year, Sirius had thought there was something there, but it hadn't taken long for reality to slap his hopes down. James got detention for snogging McCool in the corridor two days after Sirius thought he had a chance.
James was-- and is-- perfect.
Across the Great Hall, James laughs, loud and bright. He looks so bloody happy all the time, Sirius has no idea how he does it. 
James is off the wall gorgeous. Simply calling him 'attractive' doesn't feel like enough, for the way his image haunts Sirius's every step. He dreams about him more often than not, and it's never a disappointment. No one should be that handsome. His smile looks like it stole a piece of the sun, how ridiculous is that? It's absurd.
And it's not just his face and his smile and his sodding laugh that does Sirius in. No, his body had to be fucking perfect too. He plans to play Quidditch professionally-- it's no secret-- so he exercises more than anyone else on his team does. He puts in so much work and the results are obvious. Robes are good for hiding the finer details, but an accident in Herbology made his chest bare for a few glorious minutes that Sirius would never forget.
Sirius sighs, taking a few more bites of his mashed potatoes. Excellent dish, that. Regulus isn't eating it-- too heavy, probably. Sirius grabs another roll for himself and tosses one on Regulus's plate while he's at it-- bread is 'easier', he once said.
Regulus gingerly picks up the roll and takes a small bite. He chews for a long time, but he manages to swallow it. "What's got you in a mood?"
He shrugs, unwilling to disclose the details. He's pretty sure that Regulus knows he has a crush on someone, but Sirius doesn't want him to know the details, and even if he was willing to tell, he isn't going to do it during a meal, with plenty of people around to overhear.
Regulus takes another bite of the roll, larger than this time. "Tomorrow's Valentine's Day, maybe that'll perk you up."
"Why should it? I'm not dating anyone; I'm sure you've noticed." His heart gnaws against his chest and he switches to the roast that has-- until now-- been neglected on his plate.
"Someone sends you a box of chocolates each year," Regulus says. His voice picks up at the end; he's trying to cheer him up despite his own questionable mood.
"Yeah." His chest doesn't hurt as much. "I guess there's that to look forward to. Assuming they bother to send one this year."
"I'm sure they will," Regulus says, but he isn't.
Sirius isn't sure it'll happen either, despite trends that point the opposite. This 'secret admirer' has sent him a box of chocolates each Valentine's Day since first year. It would feel rather strange if they didn't tomorrow. Whoever it is also sent him a sodding present for his birthday the last three years. He only knows that it's the same person because each gift tag reads 'I hope you like it'. Sirius has a collection of 'I hope you like it' cards tucked among his belongings, a reminder he needs that someone out there likes him even though they don't have to. He's going to miss it when he graduates Hogwarts.
His eyes wander back to James at the Gryffindor table, an easy smile on his face as he talks to his friends and the gaggle of admirers that follow him.
*
Valentine's Day dawns, and Sirius is munching on plain toast and pumpkin juice, not feeling overly hungry, for once. He wonders if he can keep this up. Even if it's just breakfast, surely that will have some sort of impact on how his body looks? A nice, light meal to start the day and keep him energized instead of feeling bogged down the way he usually does in the morning.
Regulus doesn't show up to breakfast before the post arrives for the day.
An owl carrying a large, rectangular box approaches Sirius, swooping down to leave the package and flying away again without so much as waiting for a treat-- standard fare for this delivery.
The package is wrapped in simple brown paper, but it's tied together with a silky black ribbon to hold the note in place.
I hope you like it, your secret admirer
Sirius unties it and carefully sets the note aside. The ribbon is magically tethered to the package to keep it safe, so he cuts through it with a simple spell and rips at the paper. Part of the box is revealed through the hole, and mmm, it's Honeydukes, as usual. Why this person insists on buying the biggest box available, Sirius has no idea, but he's appreciative.
He works on getting the rest of the wrapping paper off so he can Vanish the lot of it, and something white flutters down. Sirius grabs it, curious about what it is and why it's in his present when there never has been in the past, and reads it.
Then he freezes, a cold chill working down his spine.
It's a receipt for the chocolates, signed by one James Potter. The paper crumples in his hand as a humiliated flush rises in his cheeks. James likes his pranks, and he's no stranger to cruelty, but that cruelty had always been contained to the mini-Death Eaters in Slytherin while everyone else handled the harmless ones that came to the Gryffindor's mind.
Sirius shrinks the box and shoves it-- and the crumpled receipt-- into his bag.
Maybe a bigger breakfast would do him some good. He eats until he's full, then just a little bit more so he has something to make him feel better when he confronts James about this. Regulus comes up to breakfast with dark circles under his eyes and chokes down some eggs before they're off for class.
His first class of the day is History of Magic. Dull rubbish, and they share it with Gryffindor-- something that usually enhances his mood, but not today. He listens to Binns lecture, arms crossed over his chest as he leans back in the chair, and ignores the occasional glance James sends his way. Normally, James doesn't look at him-- Sirius is all-too aware of this because he spends so much time looking. Of course, Sirius is usually in a good mood on Valentine's Day, despite him being single; the gift from his secret admirer never failed to make him happy. It makes sense that James is confused by the change today.
He sits there, miserable, and wants to eat all the chocolates because he deserves them for putting up with such abuse, damn it. They are a gift, he should be able to enjoy them no matter the motives behind the person giving it.
Throughout the course of class, he notices that James doesn't really have the look of someone waiting for a joke to land. He seems nervous, almost-- like he's thinking 'maybe the package wasn't delivered'.
If James did mean the gifts in the way all his notes said, then Sirius should thank him. If he didn't mean it that way, then Sirius should thank him anyways. If he does like Sirius (doubtful), then talking about it might lead somewhere. If he doesn't, then Sirius wants to call him out and see what he has to say for himself. James won't be ashamed because he never has been for any of the tricks he's pulled, but Sirius is confident in his ability to talk him into a corner, should it become necessary.
Despite all his reasoning telling him that this must have been a terrible joke, he can't help the nugget of hope in his belly, wishing it to be true. He's spent so many years dreaming about James Potter. Thinking that maybe those feelings are returned makes him feel better than he has in ages. It's worth a shot.
Class lets out. James usually lags behind, not in a hurry to get to his next class because it's so close. It's easy for Sirius to take his time putting away his unused parchment and quill. He grabs the receipt from where he shoved it and straightens it a bit-- it's not a good look to have destroyed it in anger. When he walks out, James isn't far behind.
"Hey, James?"
The Gryffindor perks up, turning to face him. His mates all have a different class for the next block, so they're already gone, and nobody else is close enough to pay attention.
"You left this in the package," Sirius says, holding it out to him.
James takes the receipt with a confused frown, clearly not recognising it for what it is until a second later when he gives it a closer look. "Ah." His face doesn't transform into a cruel smirk or condescending pity. His expression is rather blank, as a matter of fact, as if he's trying to think of what to say-- which Sirius takes as a good sign.
"I know you didn't mean for me to find out, but thanks. I don't know why you did it, but I guess that's got nothing to do with me. See you around." He starts to leave but stops when he feels a touch on his shoulder. He faces James once more. "Hm?"
"What do you mean 'why I did it'? I left notes."
"Ha, yeah, but that's what people write on notes, innit? It's easier to say 'from a secret admirer' than come up with something else."
"I do admire you," James says, eyes honest.
Sirius shifts his weight uncomfortably; he can't possibly mean that. "Look, we don't need to do this. I just wanted to say thanks."
"I know I'm not your favourite person in the world, but would letting me talk you into a date be the worst thing?"
"...What?" No really, what? A date? Where the hell did that come from? If he didn't know better, he'd be thinking that James fancies him.
"I think you might like me a little if you gave me a chance, is all. I mean, we get on alright when we get partnered together in class-- you never seem annoyed with me, at least, and that's a step up from how you treat most people."
Sirius blinks at him. "Do you think I don't like you?"
"You don't like anyone," James shrugs, as if it's obvious. And, well, it is.
"That's because people don't like me."
"I really don't see how that's true-" what the fuck planet is James living on? "-but whatever. Does that mean you'll think about it?"
"Think about what?" Talking to James has never been so confusing, and that's including every interaction stretched out over their six and a half years of shared classes. It's like they're having two different conversations right now.
"Going on a date with me."
"You want that?" Sirius asks incredulously, unable to keep a matching expression from his face. He doesn't mean to sound so surprised by it, but he can't help it. The idea that James, the most fit bloke in Hogwarts, wants to go on a date with him, is ludicrous.
"Yeah." He shrugs one shoulder with a sheepish smile that makes Sirius's heart skip a beat. "I thought all the gifts had sort of given it away."
"I mean, yeah, I did think that might be the case, before I figured out it was you sending them."
"Why would it be different if it's me?"
"Have you seen you? And-" he doesn't want to say it, but he feels he has to "-have you seen me? It doesn't really match up, does it?"
"Who gives a shit if it matches up? I fancy you. It should be that easy, don't you think?"
"Yeah, but..."
"But what?"
"But that's not how it works," Sirius finishes with a sigh. He readjusts the strap of his bag for something to do. He doesn't like thinking of it in these terms-- 'I look like this and you look like that, so we can't be together'. He doesn't like feeling terrible about how he looks, but ignoring it altogether in this conversation wouldn't have done him any favours. It is good that he said it, rather than accept James's offer and let the topic fester. "So maybe we should forget about this." That's where they'd end up anyways, right?
James is silent for a moment. Then, looking at Sirius like he's seeing through his eyes and right into the depths of his soul, he says, "You didn't strike me as the type to accept that. If you don't want to date me, then- y'know, say it and I'll leave you alone, I swear. But don't stand there and tell me that we're not going to just because people will think it's weird."
"Of course I want to date you," Sirius sighs, because really, doubting that is ridiculous, "but you can't possibly like me."
"Do you really think of me like that?"
"I mean... no?"
James makes a face at how thoroughly uncertain Sirius sounds. "I think you're cute, but- you know what, if you don't want to believe me on that, that's up to you, but I think you're brilliant and funny."
"What?" 
"It's why I noticed you back in first year. Gryffindor and Slytherin had Charms together then, I don't know if you-"
"Yeah, I remember," Sirius says. He'd noticed James in that class too. His laugh, specifically, had been what made Sirius look over and take real notice of him amongst all of their yearmates. Then he’d looked a little longer, seen his spellwork, and that was that. 
James looks, for a moment, as if he's not seeing anything in front of him. Whatever memory he has of the first time he noticed Sirius, he's lost in it. "Look, I want to date you. I like how you look, and I fancy you. I'll say it every day if that's what you need to believe it, but if you're not willing to meet me halfway, then there's nothing I can do about that."
If Sirius wants to date him, he'll have to take the next step-- and it's a simple step. All he has to say is 'yes', and that will be it. Once he gives James his answer, he'll take care of it.
"So?" James asks hopefully.
"Well," Sirius replies, smiling awkwardly, "anyone that gives me chocolate this good deserves a chance."
James beams at him.
Sirius blushes with the full force of that expression trained on him. He wishes that he'll stop blushing, but his face pinks and stays that way.
"We're both free this block. Did you want to do something?"
"Sure."
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imaginejamesandsirius · 5 months
Note
I was hoping you can write one with tooth rotting fluff. Maybe about Sirius being insecure because of his messed up home life and James making it his mission to shower him with hugs and praises 🥰
"You're the best person in the world," James says, very seriously, drink in one hand and the other gripping Sirius's shoulder. "You're- blimey, you're the best. Like, out of the entire population on this planet, if one person had to be picked as the best, it would be you."
"I'm not sure you have all the information to properly make that claim," he laughs, causing James to frown.
"No, I'm right."
"Sure about that, are you?" 
"Yes, because I've met you! You're awesome. You're so smart, everything you say should be written down for posperi- postert- we should write it all down so we can remember it because it's all right. And you-"
Lily tunes him out as he extols Sirius's virtues and turns to Peter and Remus-- both of whom, she notes, don't look like they've been listening to this from the start. "Is James always like this when he's drunk? Going on and on about how wonderful he thinks Sirius is?"
"Yes," they both say.
"Though, hang on a second," Remus adds. He shifts in his chair to turn towards her. "'When he's drunk' makes it sound like Prongs only does this when he's drunk."
"Mm, yeah, not true. He does this a lot," Peter says.
"Any time he's tired."
"Any time he's in a really good mood."
"Any time Sirius frowns for more than two seconds."
"Okay," Lily interjects when it looks like they'll continue, "I get the picture." Bloody hell. Peter and Remus had to be exaggerating at least a little bit-- otherwise she would've noticed sooner-- but for them to so easily complain about James talking about it, it had to be a more regular occurrence than she originally thought. She wants to pay attention to the drinking game some sixth years are playing like she was doing before James caught her attention, but when she turns to the group, her eyes drift back towards the pair.
James has been talking the entire time-- topic unchanged-- and he's now got an arm around Sirius instead of facing him. The hand holding his drink is curled into Sirius's chest as well, like he needs the extra point of contact to drive his point home.
Sirius is listening with an indulgent smile on his face. This strikes Lily as egotistical, and she frowns.
Remus catches her expression and guesses (incorrectly) what it's over. "If you're waiting for James to be done so you can talk to him, you're going to be waiting a long time."
"Ha, yeah."
*
James rests his chin on Sirius's shoulder and slips his arms around him at the same time. "You want to talk about it?" he asks quietly, aware of their dormmates on the other side of the room.
"Nothing to talk about," Sirius mutters-- a blatant lie.
"Mhm."
He's still glaring at the wall like it's done him wrong.
"You have me, you know that?" James whispers. "No matter what happens or what you do, you're stuck with me." He turns his face into Sirius's hair and inhales deeply. "You couldn't get rid of me if you tried."
"I figured, what with you acting like a bloody barnacle." He doesn't look happy but the glare is gone. Mission accomplished.
*
"Sirius!" James calls, barreling into his friend. He's so happy to see him that he lifts him off his feet, making Sirius laugh. "I missed you so much."
"It's been two hours," Lily says, rolling her eyes.
"Two hours too long, don't you know that, Evans?" Sirius says as he's set back down. "These sodding meetings of yours are killing our friendship."
James gasps theatrically, turning to Lily with wide eyes. "Maybe we can take him with us next time."
"No."
"But I need him! He keeps my brain working."
Sirius nods in agreement, but Lily rolls her eyes. She knows by now that it's useless to argue or try to find any logical reason why that's a bad idea, so she just says, "No," again as she walks up the staircase to the girls' dormitories.
*
"I know I joke a lot, but you know that I think you're great, yeah?" James asks.
Sirius glances over at him, but James's eyes are trained at the sky stretching out above them. They're laying on the Quidditch Pitch, looking at the stars. Ostensibly they came out here to drink; there's a bottle of firewhiskey beside them, but neither have reached for it. They haven't said much of importance tonight, which makes the question feel sudden.
"Like, I make a big production of it and shout it to the world like I'm teasing you, but it's the truth." James rolls his head to the side and meets Sirius's eyes. His hazel eyes are warm, flecked with bits of brown, and Sirius could drown in them, he's sure. He moves his hand, sliding his palm against Sirius's and squeezing. "I'd rather be with you than anyone else."
It feels ridiculous, sometimes, when James talks like this. He means it. He means it in a way Sirius can't wrap his head around. Every good thing he says about Sirius, he believes like it's a fact of life.
This time, Sirius smiles at him and says, "I know." Then, grin widening, he adds, "And I mean it what I say about you, too. Best bloke the world has ever seen."
James laughs. It curls his body a little, and he rolls onto his side to move with it. His hand is still holding Sirius's, and he uses the other to cup his cheek. "Imagine what our wedding vows will sound like."
"Everyone will leave the room before you're done talking about why you want to marry me."
"They can try," James says, his eyes glinting. "I'll ward the doors. No one leaves without my say-so."
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imaginejamesandsirius · 5 months
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Hi! First, I just want to say that you are my favorite ao3 author <3 Can you do one where James starts getting suspicious of Sirius after he starts avoiding him. James thinks that it was because Sirius found out about his feelings and was uncomfortable about his pining but it turns out that he was hiding his injuries from his abusive parents? Hurt/comfort pls
((A/N: In line with the prompt, this mentions child abuse))
Sirius is avoiding him. It's obvious, and James kind of wants to grab his best mate and sit on him so he can't escape, but he has a sinking feeling that he knows why Sirius is avoiding him-- and that's much worse than being confused. A few weeks ago, he realised that he’s in love with Sirius. It's impossible to avoid thinking about, since they spend so much time together, and James? James doesn't do subtle. He didn't say anything to Sirius about his feelings, but it must’ve been obvious. He knows that he stares too much and gets lost in daydreams, and his expression doesn't hide anything.
He's in love with Sirius, and while he would like to date Sirius-- and marry him, but that might be even more terrifying for him to say aloud, if pining alone scared Sirius off-- he's not willing to sacrifice their friendship for it. He also knows that his feelings for Sirius aren't going to evaporate, so when Sirius starts to avoid him, James lets it happen. It'll give Sirius the space he wants, and-- he hopes-- the time to get used to the idea so that they can go back to being mates like nothing happened.
Except it doesn't happen.
Sirius isn't avoiding him completely, but it's far from being attached at the hip like they usually are. After three weeks of being bored out of his skull with all his time alone, James decides that enough is enough. He'll apologise for his feelings and let Sirius know that he doesn't expect anything from him, and then they can go back to normal. They've never had to deal with a weird patch like this, so he isn't sure that it'll go as smoothly as that, but why would things go worse? No point in thinking about it, he decides.
It's a night where there's no Quidditch practice and neither of them have detention, so James grabs the Marauders' Map and finds Sirius's stationary footprints just outside the castle walls, near the greenhouses. He is really hiding out to be over there-- they'd long since discovered that sound traveled too well by those buildings, and as such, don't hang out there.
James tucks the Map inside his robes, grabs the Invisibility Cloak, and leaves.
It is- well, it is weird for Sirius to be this upset about James fancying him, isn't it? His feelings should've made things awkward, not made Sirius run away for a few weeks just to avoid dealing with it. Maybe something else is going on with Sirius, and he just hadn't noticed because he was so sure the problem was his feelings. That would be- not better, really, but at least it wouldn't be James's fault.
James pulls off the Cloak as he gets close and folds it over his arm. "Enjoying the view?"
Sirius jumps in surprise, but he relaxes the instant he sees who it is. "Yeah, it's beautiful," he says, waving a hand half-heartedly at the view of the buildings surrounding them. 
"Better than the Black Lake." James sits down next to him, not thinking to keep his distance. Their arms bump together as he sits, and Sirius withdraws with a jerk. "Er."
Sirius looks down at the ground, as if ashamed of his reaction.
"Look, I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" he repeats with a frown.
"I didn't think me fancying you would make you so uncomfortable, but- look, Padfoot, I gave you a few weeks like you wanted, but us not being friends anymore is ridiculous, don't you think?"
"You fancy me?"
"Yeah, isn't that what this is about?" James asks, gesturing vaguely at Sirius and the greenhouses.
Sirius looks up, meeting his eyes. The moon is nearly full, so there's enough light to see his expression-- he looks heartbroken. "No. Merlin, no, I had no idea."
That's a relief that can't be overstated, easing the pain that had been gripping James's chest ever since this started. But if it's not him that made Sirius keep his distance, then what is it? He casts his mind out for an answer, but nothing jumps out. "Then what's going on?"
Sirius continues to look at him, then slowly leans in. It's obvious what he's doing as he reaches for James and their faces line up, but he can't quite believe that it's happening until their lips meet. "I wish you'd told me sooner," he breathes, then kisses James again.
James feels like he's floating. Each kiss Sirius gives him feel like this can't be real because it's so good. How is this happening? Ten minutes ago, he'd been sure that this was impossible and now... Merlin, now Sirius is holding onto him like he wants him and it makes the last few weeks feel like they never happened.
Only, when they stop kissing and decide to head back to the dormitory, James realises that Sirius never explained his avoidance. The Map is open in front of them, easing the way to Gryffindor Tower. James is the one navigating, so when he stops walking, Sirius does the same. He looks over and asks, "Why were you avoiding me the past few weeks? I thought it was because I fancy you, but you said it's not." 
Sirius swallows and doesn't meet his eyes. He's never been good at lying to James, and now is no different. "It's nothing."
"It didn't feel like nothing. The only reason I let it happen is because I thought it was my fault, but it wasn't. So, spill."
Nothing.
James puts an arm around Sirius's shoulders, but it's not the casual way he usually does it-- it's to stop him from running away. He starts walking again and drags Sirius along with him. He's not exactly sure how to make Sirius answer him. Sirius doesn't keep things from him, so he never needed to learn how. It means that he doesn't know what to do to make Sirius tell him but they're still best friends; he knows him pretty damn well. And right now, Sirius is unreasonably tense, in a way he's not when James is the one touching him. Unbidden, his mind retrieves the memory of when a bludger had taken Sirius out during a game; there had been a firm tension to his body then, too... identical to the way he's holding himself now. James grits his teeth but doesn't let go. "Are you hurt?"
For a moment, Sirius winds himself even tighter, and it feels like he's going to shatter, but then he breathes out, loosening fraction by fraction. It doesn't leave him relaxed, but he no longer looks like he's going to snap in two. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd freak out. It's not a big deal, it's just taking longer to heal than I thought."
James ignores the comment about him freaking out. "How'd you get hurt?"
"...It's not a big deal."
"Yeah, you said that. How'd you get hurt?" he repeats, even though he has the uneasy feeling that he already knows. After all, who else could it be? Anybody else, and Sirius would've been able to defend himself; anybody else, and James would've already hexed their bollocks off.
Sirius clenches his jaw and says nothing, but they share a look that says it all: his parents.
James loosens his hold around Sirius's shoulders; now that he's not going to run away, there's no point in holding on so tight. He licks his lips as he tries to think of how to phrase the offer. "D'you want me to take a look?"
"No," he says, recoiling with wide eyes.
"I'm decent at Healing, and you're pants at it. Maybe I can help a little."
Sirius doesn't immediately tell him 'no' again; James wants to think of it as a victory, but it probably means that he's hurt badly enough that he doesn't mind-- as much-- if James sees him like that. He hates to be vulnerable, James knows. There's further hesitation before he says, "Only if you promise not to... be all James about it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You get all... I dunno, panicky. I'm not going to Madame Pomfrey, and I don't want to hear you suggest it."
James knows he's going to regret this but, "I promise."
"And I want to snog when you're done worrying," he adds with a smirk.
James rolls his eyes, feigning an aloofness he doesn't feel. "You've a one track mind, don't you?"
"I'm prioritizing."
They banter back and forth as they walk to the dormitory, only quieting as they near the Fat Lady and don the Invisibility Cloak. James is as aware as ever about how close they are when they're both under it. As kids, they fit comfortably. Now that they've grown into themselves, it's less silly shuffling and learning to walk at the same time, and more James trying to control his body's natural reaction at being so close to Sirius.
The common room is empty, allowing them to pull off the Cloak. Sirius shoots him a knowing smirk, and he blushes. He doesn't want to, but he's caught out and there's no point in lying to Sirius, of all people. He can tell, as they trek up the stairs, that Sirius is hoping he'll lose focus. He wants for James to forget all about his injury-- injuries? he doesn't know and he's scared-- but it will take more than this to distract him. Even though it is a very... tempting distraction. Merlin, he needs to get his head on straight.
They're both lightfooted as they walk around the room, not wanting to wake their dormmates. They dress for bed, and Sirius joins James in his bed without question. James was a perfect gentleman when they were changing and didn't sneak a look at the injuries Sirius was hiding, but now the curtains are spelled to give them privacy, and Sirius is delaying taking off his shirt. He toys with the drawstring of his bottoms before heaving a sigh.
"Remember that you promised not to freak out," he mutters as he off his shirt.
For a moment, James worries that he'll be so busy checking him out that he won't be paying adequate attention to how hurt Sirius is. That worry vanishes the second his eyes take in the extent of the damage laid on Sirius's torso. 
With the reminder of his promise fresh in his mind, he holds back the rage that boils to life. He clenches his hands, fingers curled in so tightly they might stay that way. Magical injuries always look the worst. A bruise from banging into a door doesn't look the same as a bruise from a curse. Something about the tint of it makes it feel more sickly, and with the numerous ones on Sirius, highlighted by the occasional bandage, it's like a plague.
"Are-" James has to stop and clear his throat. When he tries again, he sounds much more in control. "Are those cuts?" he asks, gesturing to the bandages.
Sirius nods, jaw tight.
"I'll see what I can do for those. And I've got that extra-strength cream for bruises that we can use on the rest."
Sirius nods again and gingerly peels off the tape for one of his bandages so James can take a better look, then lays down and waits. He's tense but trying so hard not to be. It's obvious that he wants to cover up again, but he keeps his eyes safely out of the way and lets James work.
Reading about the different kinds of injuries was a lot more fun than seeing them right in front of him. Learning about it all sent a thrill through him-- the knowledge he had that others didn't, the power to heal what others couldn't. Seeing Sirius hurt just makes him want to hurl. There's no excitement to it. There's no comfort that he'll feel better at the end of this.
He touches Sirius carefully and warns before he casts any spell. He tries half a dozen, hoping for any noticeable change. His eyes strain from peering so closely, and he only calls it to an end when he feels himself tiring from all the magic in such a short time. He pulls off his glasses with a grimace and rubs at his eyes. "Sorry I couldn't do more."
"It's alright. I feel loads better," Sirius says, and it doesn't even sound like a lie.
James opens his eyes and looks at the slightly blurry figure with a flat expression. "You don't look any better now than when I started."
"I dunno if it looks any different, but it does feel better." He puts a hand on James's knee and strokes back and forth with his thumb. "Thanks."
James makes a vague noise of acknowledgment and lays down, facing him. He's close enough like this that his features are clear, even without the glasses.
Sirius turns so he's on his side, their faces scant inches apart. 
Given their conversation earlier, James half-expects for Sirius to kiss him. He can't believe he's thinking it, but he doesn't want him to. He doesn't want to be exhausted from magic and anger at Sirius's parents when they snog; it should be happy, like they are when they're together. 
"Promise you won't be angry about it in the morning?"
"If you think that's possible, then you don't know me," James replies with a smile, that Sirius reflects.
"Yeah, I didn't think so," he snickers. "I'll take a raincheck on that other promise. I still want to snog my new boyfriend." 
"But not now?" James checks. He doesn't want to right now either-- thinks it would be a bad idea if they did-- but he wants to be sure.
"Not now," Sirius confirms, looking soft around the edges. "Though..." He hesitates, then leans forward and gently presses their lips together. It's only for a few seconds, and it's clear this is the most they're going to do tonight; it's the most either of them want to do after that. He rolls over carefully, then scoots back so James can hold him. 
They've slept like this before, with James holding onto him like a stuffie. He hesitates because of Sirius's injuries, but that's taken care of a moment later when Sirius grabs his arm and pulls it over his waist, interlocking their fingers and hugging James's hand to his chest.
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imaginejamesandsirius · 10 months
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Hello all!
I was hoping I wouldn't have to make this an official announcement, but here we are. Before you get too worried, no, this blog is not being archived or abandoned.
I (siriuslystarbucks) am the main writer for this blog. Depending on how long you've been following, you might remember the days when I tried to post a filled prompt once a week. You've probably noticed that I haven't been able to hold to that goal for a while now. There are, of course, other writers, but I don't ask for the same commitment from them as I tried to hold myself to. I have no intention of trying to dump this blog off on someone who would only feel stressed.
To reiterate, this blog isn't going to be abandoned, but it is going to be on the backburner. I've been having some health issues (for the past ~year and a half) that make writing reliably rather difficult. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to make an announcement, but I haven't gotten well enough to promise timely fills. I'm still going to be around, and I'll keep an eye on the prompt list and write if RL allows, but expect for things to stay quiet.
I wanted to end this post by giving a HUGE thank you to all the fans of this blog that have read, commented, and sent in prompts. I really appreciate it! Hopefully, we'll be back and kicking before you know it 💛💛💛
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Can you do one where Sirius gets insecure because Harry spends more time with Lily (who was the prongsfoot surrogate) than he does with him, and believes harry doesn't see him as his dad, but turns out they're actually planning a surprise for sirius. Thanksssss
((A/N: This is a modern no magic AU with nonbinary Harry))
Sirius would like to think that he was an extremely open-minded individual. After someone had lived the life he did, he figured it was required. First he ran away from an abusive home/got thrown out, and then he was taken in by the wonderful family of his at-the-time boyfriend (later husband). He'd lived in poverty for a couple years after moving out and graduating, then gone through a surrogate who was an ex-girlfriend of his husband's so they could have a kid. He learned that Harry was nonbinary and did his best to take it in stride, looking up every bit of information he could to make things better for his child. When Harry wanted to spend time with Lily, not just as a friend to the family but as the person who carried them to term and birthed them, Sirius didn't have a problem with it, and he felt like most people would have.
So yes, he felt like he was pretty open-minded.
It meant that at first, he didn't have a problem when Harry decided to spend more time with Lily than they usually did. Why would he? They spent time with her every month, a day set aside specifically for the two of them. And Sirius could appreciate, at first, how Harry could want a more feminine point of view in their life. James and Sirius weren't particularly feminine, and most of their mates were men. Sirius could easily see that Harry would want a more varied worldview than that, especially with their gender.
But then it kept happening, and it wasn't both of their parents they were ducking out on, it was just Sirius.
Now, Sirius wasn't a kid anymore. He didn't see that Harry was avoiding him a little and assume the worst. Harry was fourteen, this is when teenage rebellion started to really come in swing. For god's sake, the mood swings alone were taking Sirius for a ride, he didn't even want to think of what was to come.
So Sirius tried not to take it personally, even when he noticed that Harry was avoiding him to spend time with Lily.
The change happened when Harry threw a bag over their shoulder and said, "Bye Pads." Not 'Pop' like they'd been doing ever since they learned how to speak: Pads. Pads, like he was nothing more than a favoured uncle in Harry's life. Not a father. He knew that Lily wasn't the one that had given Harry the idea, but someone else must have, because they'd never had a problem with it until now. 
He couldn't even pretend to be fine when James walked in from the kitchen.
"Harry's at Lily's," Sirius reported dully.
" Again?"
Sirius nodded. He could feel himself unraveling at the edges, and he knew that James could see it, that he'd try to comfort Sirius, but how the hell did he fix this with words alone? James was incredible, but even he couldn't manage that.
James sat next to him at the table. Both of Sirius's hands were in his lap, so James out a hand on his thigh. Good ol' James, always trying to make him feel better; it wouldn't be enough this time.
"Why does it bother you so much?" he asked softly. "I admit, I'm not thrilled they're spending all their time with her instead of us, but it seems to be getting to you more than me." 
"They called me Pads before they left. Not Pop, just Pads. You really think that's nothing?"
James looked just as heartbroken by that as Sirius had felt. He swallowed, then said, "I'll talk to them about it."
"Don't," Sirius said immediately. "it's just how they feel. I'm sure the last thing Harry needs right now is for you to hunt them down and make them feel guilty. They just... finally see me how everyone else sees me."
"What are you talking about?" James asked, honestly, innocently confused by what anyone else would consider to be obvious. 
"Everyone thinks that you and Lily were together and then you got with me. I was grandfathered in as Harry's parent because I married you, not because that's what we started with the entire time." Sirius shook his head. "I guess it had to happen sometime, I just hoped it wouldn't," he muttered. He pushed himself up. "I'll start on dinner."
"Do you want help?" James asked, and what it meant was 'do you want to be alone'.
"No thanks." Sirius loved James but sometimes he needed a little time to process his emotions. This was definitely one of those times.
*
"Lils not to pry, but what the hell is going on with you and Harry? They've been ignoring Sirius for weeks, and now he's convinced Harry doesn't think of him like a father."
Lily's eyes went wide, taken aback first by his unannounced presence, then by what he said. She blinked a few times, trying to process the news he'd just dropped on her. "What? Sirius thinks that? No, that's not- no! Gods, we've been working on a surprise for him. We didn't tell you because you can't keep a secret from him if your life depended on it."
That effectively soothed his worries, but now he was left in the position of trying to figure out how the hell they fixed this. "Right. Okay, makes sense," he said, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. "I hope this surprise is really important. What is it?"
"They wanted to paint him a picture of your first house," Lily explained, wringing her hands. James felt sorry for making her feel bad, but it was nothing compared to the way Sirius was hurting right now. "Harry needed help with it, so they came to me, but they didn't want me to just do all the drawing for them. They wanted to do it all themself, so it took a bit longer. We're not even done yet. Another day or two though, and it should be finished."
"If I let this go on for another day or two, Sirius is going to start thinking- I dunno, that he should move out of the house or something else horrid."
"Harry's been working so hard to keep this a secret. Please don't tell him. I mean, I know you can't really keep a secret from Sirius, but surely you can hold out for another couple days."
James sighed and shook his head. "I have to tell him that the two of you have been planning a surprise gift for him, but I'll try to keep the details of it to myself." It was the best he could do, because no way in hell was he going to let Sirius continue to believe that their kid didn't like him anymore.
"I'll take what I can get. Thank you. And I'm sure Harry will be grateful too."
"I'm going to talk to them once this is all over," James said. Gods, he could already feel the headache that conversation would bring, trying to tell Harry to not do it again but not wanting to make them feel guilty, either. "For now, I'm going to leave you in peace so I can tell Sirius to stop worrying."
"You sure you don't want to stay for a cuppa? Since you came all this way."
"Not this time, but thanks, Lils."
"Anytime. And sorry again about the misunderstanding," she said with a wince as she walked James back to the front door. "I'll know better than to try something like this again."
"It won't seem as bad a year from now, I just..."
"Want to protect Sirius. I get it. See you 'round."
James nodded goodbye, then started to head home. Bloody hell. Haz and Lily were well-intentioned, but he wished this could've happened some other way. It was a nice idea, and he could see why Harry would want to keep it a secret until it was done, but he couldn't help but want this to have ended sooner, before Sirius had a chance to feel bad about it.
And it was a very sweet idea. Sirius had loved that first house and hated when they had to move. They still had a picture of it out-- their three-person family posed in front of the facade after Harry's first birthday. It was a kind, thoughtful gift, but James wished that Harry hadn't put such a rush on it. If they'd taken their time and spread out working on it over a year, then there wouldn't have been a misunderstanding.
James sighed at himself. Here he was blaming a teenager for not thinking ahead. It was a teaching moment, not anything to be frustrated about. Once he apprised Sirius of the situation, they could put the entire experience behind them-- at least, he hoped it would be that simple. He never really knew what to expect when Sirius got insecure like this. His times like that were few and far between, and James didn't know how to handle it because in his mind, it didn't make any sense. No matter how much he tried to understand, he couldn't.
So he would handle this conversation as well as he could and then just be there for him, because it was the best he could do.
*
"I feel a little silly for worrying about it so much," Sirius said that night as they laid in bed. His eyes were on the ceiling, but he wasn't truly looking at it.
"I don't think it's silly."
Sirius laughed and reached for James's hand, threading their fingers together. "That's one of the many reasons I love you. I mean, I can still see why I started to worry. It felt like they were pulling away, but my mind jumped to that conclusion instead of asking them about it. Hell, I could've asked Lily when I first started to notice, and she would've told me it was nothing."
James didn't know what to say to reassure him, so he rolled onto his side to press a kiss to Sirius's bare shoulder.
"Yeah, yeah sweet-talker, I hear you," Sirius fake-grumbled with a smile. He turned to face James and kissed him, slow and comfortable. "Our kid's pretty great."
"A bit misguided at times, but their heart's in the right place," James replied.
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Hello! Can you do one where alexithymiac! Sirius learns of happiness/love through James bonus points if you can add angst to it where James teaches Sirius how to handle and process other emotions (sadness/grief after running away perhaps?) thank you <333
((A/N: This is unedited, fyi))
There wasn't anything wrong with Sirius, but James could tell that there was something a little off about him. Well, no, not off either. Maybe it was more accurate to say he was a touch weird. Actually, was there a way of thinking off or wrong or weird without it being negative? Because that's how James thought of his best mate. There wasn't anything out and out wrong or terrible, but part of him didn't match up with the rest of their peers.
At first, James just thought he was rude. He found it funny, especially since the way Sirius told people to sod off was incredibly entertaining. But then he noticed that it wasn't solely Sirius being irritable or that he found a large number of people annoying. It was to shift a certain kind of attention away from himself. That in itself had given James a loop around the block before he figured it out, because insulting people or being insensitive didn't avert attention from him. If anything, it made more people look at him. That had thrown him off from the truth for a while, but he figured it out in the end.
Sirius didn't feel things the way other people did.
James wasn't sure he even felt all the same emotions that other people did. Embarrassment and humiliation didn't seem to register with Sirius at all, and even though he laughed with James a lot, he was never the one to laugh first. He only laughed when James did it first, like he needed the cue that it was time for it.
He did a little of poking, and a lot of observing after he figured that first part out. There was more to it, he knew that much. He would ask outright if he thought Sirius knew 1. that it was happening at all and 2. that James wouldn't judge him for it, would only try his best to help.
James was eleven, starry-eyed, and completely sure of his ability to change his best friend's life with determination alone.
And he was right.
Him and Sirius talked. They talked, and they talked, and they talked. Sirius asked him about humour and how he could tell when something was funny. James explained happiness and a feeling of contentment, because why would he teach Sirius about sad things? Sirius hadn't known what happiness was, so James was going to let him feel it for as long as he could.
Things went well like that, for years. Sirius laughed on his own, made jokes with James, told him that he loved him when he figured out what that felt like-- James had blushed and stuttered his way through a similar confession; he only stopped speaking when Sirius laughed and kissed him, then kissed him again for good measure, because Sirius had been smiling too wide and James had been too stunned to really participate the first time.
And then Sirius had to leave his family home in the middle of summer between school years.
"You're okay, I've got you," James whispered, but he was shaking even with his arms wrapped as tightly as they could around Sirius. "You're safe now." He pulled back a little to look at Sirius's face even though he didn't want to put any space between them.
He was mostly healed now, only one bandage over a busted lip from a curse. His expression was worryingly blank.
"How do you feel?"
"I don't know."
"'I don't know' like numb?"
Sirius shook his head.
"Okay," James said slowly. He didn't know what to do. He was terrified for Sirius, and he wanted to make it better, but how did he make something like this better? He couldn't make Sirius's parents love him and treat him right-- if he could, he would've done it ages ago. "Try to think about it."
Sirius was silent for a minute, and James watched him.
He felt helpless to do anything but watch for some small sign of what was going on in his best mate's head and heart. He wanted to know what was going on with Sirius all the time, but right now was especially severe. If he knew how he was feeling, maybe he could help. He wanted to crawl into Sirius's chest and curl up there for as long as it took for both of them to feel better.
It meant that he could see the moment where Sirius started to get angry, the little curl to his lip, the frustrated rage that sparked in his eyes. "I don't know," he bit out.
"That's okay," James said immediately, putting a hand on Sirius's wrist.
As expected, it had an instant effect of calming him, even though it wasn't complete. He looked down at James's hand and the fight left him, but he was still upset. "What kind of person doesn't know how they're feeling?" It was self-deprecating, impotent to the ability to change. 
"The kind of person that's my best mate," James said. He gave Sirius's wrist a squeeze.
"Maybe they shouldn't be," Sirius muttered.
"Don't joke," he snapped, grip tensing without meaning to.
"Who's joking?" Sirius replied, a touch flat and therefore very worrying.
James was scared that he dared utter the words, and it was hard to breathe. "Don't do that, either. You're my best mate, and nothing's going to change that. Even if you tried to kill me, it wouldn't change it."
"I wouldn't try to kill you," he denied immediately, and James's chest eased the pressure.
It wasn't perfect, but it was better than nothing. "You wouldn't be able to get rid of me, either. No matter what, you're stuck with me. And it doesn't mean anything that you can't parse out what you're feeling right now. It would be confusing to anyone, and you've got it harder than most when it comes to emotions. You haven't done anything wrong, and this rot's complicated. You knew your parents were shite, but you still thought they cared about you. Maybe they do, but not enough to love you the way you should. It hurts, but you feel like you should've been able to see it coming. You think that things could be worse, but it still hurts. You have me and my parents here for you, so you think us loving you should be plenty, but you want your own parents to love you too." He gave a small shrug. At some point, his hand had moved to hold Sirius's own. He didn't remember doing that, but he didn't move his hand away. He gave Sirius's fingers a squeeze. "Like I said, complicated. Full of emotional contradictions, and that was me guessing. I'm sure whatever you're feeling is even more complicated, so of course it's going to be difficult to figure out. You've got time to work through it."
Sirius turned his hand over and squeezed James's hand when he twitched as if to pull away; he wanted James close, close enough to touch at all times. "What if I don't want to work through it?"
That didn't sound healthy to James, but he couldn't figure out the right way to say it.
"What if I just want to do what we've been doing? Focusing on being happy and all the ways to feel good?"
"We're not going to stop that, but do you really want to be angry all the time? You know better than I do that your gut reaction is anger."
Sirius paused, and James had to bite back an apology. "You're right. I don't want to be angry all the time, but when I try to figure out how I feel right now, it- it just happens." There was a hint of anger back in his voice, but they both knew that it would be short lived. It reared its head because of how strongly he felt, but that was the extent of it.
"We'll take it slow," James promised. "I probably shouldn't have tried it tonight." In fact, he was sure that he shouldn't have tried it, but in that moment when he'd asked, he hadn't been able to stop himself. It had seemed like not only a good idea, but the best idea. It had been what was best for Sirius, and that meant that James hadn't been able to stop himself from doing it.
"It's fine, you had no way of knowing," Sirius said, trying to comfort James even if he didn't realise that's what he was doing.
*
"What are you thinking?" James asked over a game of Snap.
"That I'm sad I don't technically have a home anymore," Sirius said. He kept his tone casual, but the way he pointedly looked at the cards instead of meeting James's eyes let him know that Sirius knew how vulnerable and open he was being by admitting that. Not only feeling it, but saying it to James.
"I get that," James said, and it was to Sirius, so he didn't stumble over his words to explain that he knew his understanding of the situation wasn't the same as Sirius living through it.
"I know that your parents are treating me like a second son and all that, but it's still... they're not obliged to, y'know?"
James had to fight down the desire to assure Sirius that his parents would never, in a million years, kick Sirius out. They would let him live here until the day they died, no matter what. Saying that they thought of him like a second son was in no way an exaggeration, and there was nothing they wouldn't forgive James, which meant there was nothing they wouldn't forgive Sirius. "Yeah," he said instead of anything flying through his head. He added a card.
"I guess my own parents weren't obliged to either since they kicked me out, but I didn't see it coming, y'know? It surprised me. It..." Sirius cleared his throat and cast his eyes to the side, unease in every inch of his shoulders. He straightened a moment later and very obviously put it out of his mind. "Let's just enjoy the game." He added another card and the deck exploded.
James laughed at him, and Sirius dramatically whinged about how the smell of smoke would take months to get out of these clothes.
*
Sirius didn't like sleeping alone at night anymore. He used to crawl into James's bed at night without an explanation, and James had only ever asked for one once when he was eleven. After that, he let it happen without comment. He'd been surprised when Sirius offered one over the summer, but he took it as a good sign. He was figuring out his emotions better every week, but to say that James was shocked at where that ended was an understatement.
"We can stop doing this if you want," Sirius said one night, laying across from James so early in the night neither of them had had a chance to go to sleep yet.
"Why would I want to stop?" James frowned.
"Because I..." Sirius's eyes trailed over his face and down to his lips, then stopped.
James licked his lips and tried not to get his hopes too high. If he was wrong- but no, how could he be? With Sirius looking at him like that, how could he possibly be wrong? "What are you feeling?"
"I'm not exactly sure what to call it," Sirius whispered, eyes not moving a millimeter.
"Then what do you want? Right now, if you could have anything in the world, what would you want?"
The answer was immediate and heartfelt. "You."
It was all James needed to hear.
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Hi!! Can you do one where Sirius is offered a modeling job at Sleekeazy’s and James initially thought it was funny but not after everyone started pining for him (even more than usual). Feelings realization + possessive/jealous! James pls... thank you~~
Sirius walked into their flat with a grin on his face. He looked breathtakingly beautiful, as always. It was something James always noticed about him, but that didn't make it less impactful-- sort of like the way the sun was bright: an everyday occurrence but no less noticeable for it. "Guess what happened today?" he asked.
"You finally got the kids at the playground to pet you?"
Sirius didn't bother to glare at him for the joke, which meant that whatever news he had, it was big. He took off his jacket and hung it on the hook but didn't bother with his shoes.
Yes, James watched his every move. No, he didn't care to change that habit. It's not like Sirius didn't know he did it. Sirius had caught his staring back in Hogwarts and never told him to stop; as far as their relationship was concerned, that was Sirius telling him that he could look as much as he wanted.
"Are you ready for this?" Sirius asked as he sat sideways on the couch, one leg bent so his foot hung off the cushion. "You don't look like you're ready. Mentally prepare yourself, James."
"For Godric's sake, just tell me," James said, as if annoyed, but he was grinning.
"I got a modeling job at Sleekeazy's."
A laugh ripped out of James, hurting his throat a little, but Merlin, he couldn't keep it in even if he wanted to. Sirius was gorgeous and always willing to pose in front of a camera, but modeling?
Sirius was laughing along with him, both of them finding the situation more than a little ridiculous.
When he could finally speak instead of laughing-- a venture that took a few tries before it worked-- James asked, "How in the world did that happen?"
"Gods," Sirius said, still snickering, "do you remember that auror calendar they asked us to do?"
"Yeah." Their auror careers had been short lived, with the both of them quitting as soon as the war was over; the ideals of being in law enforcement couldn't compare with the realities of the job, and neither of them had been willing to put up with all the rubbish and corruption it entailed.
"They had a copy, I guess, and when they were thinking about who to use for their new campaign, they thought of me."
James wrinkled his nose to affect disgust and said, "You sure you want to work with people that've jerked it to a photo of you?"
"If I held to that rule, I'd never work with anyone ever again," Sirius said, sending both of them into new peals of laughter.
"And now you're giving everyone new material," James cooed, patting Sirius on the cheek. "You're so selfless."
"I know. It's one of my best qualities."
"Tied for first with all of your other qualities," James said, nodding sagely.
"And don't you forget it," Sirius said, wrapping his fingers around James's arm and moved James's hand from his cheek to his shoulder.
His fingers were thick and strong, just like the rest of him was. James had had more than one fantasy about Sirius's hands, and he liked how they felt against his skin like this, even in such a non-sexual manner. Him and Sirius were so comfortable around each other. James could tell Sirius that he thought about him when he tossed off, and Sirius would probably shrug and say 'of course you do' and nothing between them would change. He wondered, sometimes, if it was like that for Sirius too. If Sirius ever thought about how handsome James was and touched himself thinking about it. That was a nice thought; he liked when they were equal in everything.
James chuckled, pulling himself away from those thoughts. "Merlin, I can't believe you're going to model."
"Right? I could've cashed in on my good looks years ago, and I didn't think to. I wouldn't have had to bother with the shop at all."
"Yeah, right," James snorted. Sirius loved that shop. Nothing on the planet could've stopped him from spending his days breaking curses on household objects, including modeling and entering dog shows-- he'd gotten third the one time they did it, and James had been so offended by that placement that they hadn't tried again.
"Watch yourself James, in a month I'll be more famous than you can handle."
"I'm sure," James said, taking his hand off Sirius's shoulder to boop his nose.
Sirius swat his hand away, so he did it again.
That was an invitation as far as Sirius was concerned, so he transformed into Padfoot and easily knocked James over and sat on his stomach, tail wagging in satisfaction as James alternated between laughing and ineffectually trying to push him off. They really wanted to make this arse a model? Best of luck to them.
*
Sirius's modeling rapidly went from the funniest thing in James's life, to the most terrible.
Everyone had seen the pictures from Sleekeazy's new advertisements. Everyone.
Two teammates and four associates in Puddlemere asked James if Sirius was single and if he thought his best mate would be interested in going on a date with him. Marlene reported that three of her coworkers at The Prophet asked her if Sirius would be interested in a 'private interview'. Lily said that more than one of her students at Hogwarts carried a cut out picture of Sirius with them. Rosmerta had jokingly asked if Sirius would sign one of the pictures for her (he did so with a wink), and the next time they came in, she told them that she'd had to use a sticking charm on it so no one would lift it as they exited. They'd all had a good laugh over that when Rosmerta told them that, but James's had been a little forced.
It all drove James mad. He tried to keep a good humour about it, but it was impossible.
This was different than what used to happen. This wasn't people doing a double take when they saw Sirius, or someone's eyes trailing after him like they couldn't believe someone so handsome was walking the earth. It had never bothered James before. He used to laugh about it with Sirius and argue over which of them the person was actually checking out.
It stopped being funny when James realised that everyone felt entitled to a piece of Sirius. They thought they could ask for a moment of his time, an autograph, a date. Whether James was stood right next to him or not, people would go up to Sirius and ask him out. This sort of thing had happened at Hogwarts too, and James had hated it as much then as he hated it now. It wasn't just that people usually ignored him to talk to Sirius, it was... bugger, he didn't even know what about it he hated so much, but it was horrible. People came up to Sirius in public, and he had to pause his conversation with James so he could let them down gently. James used to at least attempt to be kind about it and wait patiently, but after every single outing getting interrupted several times, he'd had enough.
The next time they were walking down Diagon Alley and someone said, "Excuse me, but you're Sirius Black, aren't you? The new model for Sleekeazy's?"
Sirius slowed to do his usual niceties, but James was done with this shite. "He's busy with someone who actually knows him." He didn't bother trying to sound nice, because there was no way to make that sound nice.
She blinked up at him. "I just-"
"Do us all a favour and bugger off," James said, but he didn't trust that she would. He grabbed Sirius's arm and continued on their way. Sirius didn't offer resistance as James dragged him away, but he could sense his confusion. He didn't bother to explain himself.
After their was enough distance between them, James let go of his arm.
"What was that about?" Sirius asked.
"What was what about?"
"Don't play dumb. Blowing that person off back there."
James glanced at Sirius and knew he wouldn't be able to brush this off. But hell if he wasn't going to try. "I'm just hungry. Some of the people that want to talk to you never shut it."
Sirius hummed, not buying James's excuse for a second, but he didn't ask about it further as they walked.
He didn't ask about it all through lunch, either.
James could see the confrontation coming and knew it wouldn't be pretty, like a horde of Blast-Ended Skrewts cresting a hill.
As soon as they got home, Sirius rounded on him, anger writ across his face. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Relax, it's not as if my trainer will know I had a basket of chips with lunch," James said. Despite the words, he didn't bother to play innocent or pretend that he didn't know that Sirius was talking about something else. He said it flatly, looking Sirius dead in the eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest.
Sirius's jaw ticked. "James," he growled.
"I'm tired of the way everyone treats you."
"Like a minor celebrity?"
"Like they want to eat you alive," James corrected, narrowing his eyes at Sirius, daring him to say that wasn't what was happening. "You can't sodding tell me that you don't know what they think about you."
"So what? A couple random arse people think they want to date me because I'm hot, and you lose your head?"
"Yes, because it's ridiculous!"
"It's ridiculous that people want to date me?" Sirius asked, eyes hard and blazing as he glared at James across the small amount of space separating them. it was little more than an arm's length between them. One step forward, arm extended, and one of them could put a hand on the other's shoulder. Neither of them did it. It wasn't that sort of disagreement.
"It's ridiculous that they think they're worth your time."
"Oh you've got to be sodding kidding me. Seriously? This is some weird possessiveness because you don't like to share your toys?"
"You're not a toy," James snapped. "You're my best mate, and none of them know you!"
"So what? They've got a crush but aren't allowed to act on it because you don't think they know me well enough?"
"They don't know you, so they shouldn't be bothering you!"
"Who said they were bothering me? I've never been bothered by it."
"Lie to yourself if you want, but don't lie to me," James bit out. Sirius covered it well, but James could see the way it chipped at him every time he had to pull up a certain level of politeness when he thought he was simply existing with James in public.
"You don't speak for me," Sirius snapped back.
"Maybe I should if you're going to lie about it."
"Put me in a box then. Take me out and dust me off when you invite people over. Tell me who I'm allowed to talk to and for how long, and about what, and maybe you'll be happy. Merlin forbid you let me live my life without you breathing down my neck."
James didn't believe for a second that Sirius really thought that, but he'd gotten under his skin. He'd made Sirius upset enough that he wanted to lash out. He'd tried to be logical with James in the beginning and it hadn't worked, so now he'd moved into trying to scare him to back off.
It would've worked if James didn't know better. It had worked the first few times they got into real arguments back at Hogwarts, but then he had learned the flow of it. It didn't work anymore, but that didn't stop Sirius from trying, from trying to protect himself when he felt vulnerable and didn't know what else to do.
James stepped forward, put a hand on the back of Sirius's neck, and yanked him closer in quick succession, quick enough that Sirius didn't really know what was happening until it was done. "If you aren't going to tell people to bugger off when you want space," James said in the scant space between their faces, his voice low and dangerous, "then I will." He breathed in, then out. "And I don't care if it pisses you off." 
"What if I don't want space?"
"You do."
"You want that space between us more than I do," Sirius said, and James knew that 'us' meant the fans, the people that were always fawning over him and his photos.
But to James, it felt like it meant more than that. 'Us' like the fans, but also 'us' meaning the two of them.
They were standing close. Close enough that James could easily kiss him, and if anyone else had been standing like this, James would've thought snogging was an inevitability. He was the one that had initiated it, but Sirius hadn't pulled away; he didn't look the least bit uncomfortable with it. That fire within his eyes had grown, and it felt-- all of a sudden-- like he was waiting for James to do something, like he'd wanted that something for a while, but James had never noticed before.
He jerked forward, kissing Sirius hard.
There wasn't a moment's hesitation in Sirius kissing him back, hands going around James's waist and curling over his back in an instant. James licked into his mouth, and he moaned. Every hint James gave that he wanted something, and Sirius would give him that and more. 
Long before Sirius pulled him into his room, James knew that he loved him.
Being in love with Sirius wasn't new, he realised. It was like the stones inside Hogwarts being white. They'd always been white, but it wasn't until someone said it to his face that he acknowledged and really thought about it. Yeah, the stones were white. He'd known it, it had always been true, but he hadn't thought about it in those exact terms before. Of course he was in love with Sirius and had been for more years than he could count on one hand, but he hadn't thought about it exactly like that before.
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Helloo, big fan of your work! Can you do one where James comes back from the veil and starts believing Sirius doesn't want him anymore because of the age difference, (maybe even mistakenly believes he is with moony now) but Sirius explains how he didn't have much time to change because of azkaban and is still in love with James. Super angsty with a fluffy ending. Thank youuuu
((A/N: Warning for depressive thoughts from James. Mentions of Sirius/Remus, but none takes place))
When James first comes back to life (tumbling out of the Veil in a weird mix of magic and luck that still has the Unspeakables scratching their heads), he's happy with everything.
Happy that everyone who's alive is alive, happy that Sirius hugs him just the same, happy that he gets to know Harry and his mates, happy to be alive. Overall, he's so buggering happy that he doesn't come down from the high of being alive for a week.
After that week though... that's when he started to notice things, and the reality of his situation settled in.
Sirius was different. He was decidedly still his best mate because nothing would ever change that, but that didn't mean everything was the same. They'd been dating when James died. They'd been absolutely head over heels in love with each other. The sort of love where everything they did, they wanted to do together. Any time they spent apart was time wasted. It was the sort of love that made them create the two-way mirrors to talk to each other. Granted that's sort of how their friendship had been too, but when they added romance into the mix, it felt different.
James still felt that way.
Sirius, well, he'd moved on.
James had been dead, but Sirius had been alive. Even with him being in Azkaban, he'd had time to move past their relationship. He'd had time to grow up and want something different from what he'd had as a teenager. As much as it hurt James to think about, he'd had time to fall in love with someone else.
And he had.
James watched. He spent all his time these days staring at Sirius, so it was easy to notice how he lit up when Moony entered the room. He took note of every single time Sirius asked him to stay a little bit longer, and how crushed he was when Moony had to leave. Every once in a while, with a guilty glance out of the corner of his eye at James, Sirius would ask to speak to Remus alone for a minute. It never took Sirius long to return in those instances, like he was afraid James would burst in and ask what they were doing; he didn't, but it wasn't for lack of desire.
The thing was, James couldn't imagine a world where he wasn't utterly in love with Sirius. It used to be like that for both of them. However powerful James's feelings were, Sirius had been able to match him, beat for beat, pace for pace.
And now...
Now it felt like missing half of his foot. Like most of the time he wouldn't notice it because everything seemed normal, but the time where he did notice that he was missing something, it threw him completely off balance. He'd go to kiss Sirius and realise that he wasn't allowed to do that anymore. Sometimes they'd be talking like nothing had happened, like James wasn't the only twenty year old around. They'd be laughing and joking, and James would look at him, only to pull up short when he saw his face. Sirius was older than him, and he looked it. 
It's not that Sirius was unattractive for his extra years. 
Quite the opposite, in fact. It should've been impossible to become even more handsome than he'd been. It should've been impossible because of Azkaban and the damage it did to him. It also should've been impossible because he was by far the most attractive person on the planet when James had died, so there should've been no improving on perfection.
But somehow, Sirius had managed it. He got better with every passing year.
Years that James hadn't been around for.
Years that they could never get back.
No amount of crying would let James turn back the clock and cling to Sirius and beg him to wait for him because he would ensure that the wait was worth it. It was too late to try and ask for it now, but that didn't mean James didn't think of it. Because he did. Often.
As he curled into bed, alone, he would hug his knees and imagine what it would be like if he tried it now. If he burst into his room and kissed him breathless. Would it work? Would Sirius kiss him back? Or would he have to ease away with a gentle hand on James's chest as he turned him down?
At the start, his daydreams ended in his favour. Sirius would pull him closer and ask him to stay forever.
It didn't take very long for the daydreams to turn into nightmares. Sometimes they were realistic, and Sirius would try to let him down as gently as he could, but of course James still ended those crying because losing him was a wound that didn't heal.
The more time went on though, the more he imagined Sirius being disgusted by him. He could picture the way he'd pull away and look at James like he didn't know him. "What the hell are you thinking?" he would ask, wiping off his mouth with the back of one hand like he couldn't bear any lingering touch of him. "You're practically a kid, and I'm not one anymore. Look at someone your own age, for Merlin's sake." And even though it was his room that James had barged in on, he'd get up and leave, because he couldn't stand to be around him anymore.
James knew that would never happen. No matter what else they were to each other, they were always mates. Sirius had never been disgusted by him, and he never would be, but their friendship now wasn't as solid as it had been when he died. There had been times where James could swear they were reading each other's minds, and while they were certainly close now, it was nowhere close to what they used to have.
He sighed as he stared blankly at the ceiling. Sirius's innocence was pending, but for now, he was still stuck at Grimmauld Place. Sirius had offered him his brother's old room since it was the nicest one. It was alright as far as consolation prizes went, but he would've given anything to be in bed with Sirius, curled into his heat instead of being glared at by all the green.
His mind went round and round over this, and he never felt better. It he accomplished anything, it was to feel worse because he'd more thoroughly proven to himself that he didn't stand a chance at rebuilding their life together.
When Sirius got out of here, he was probably going to find a place with Moony. Somewhere good, like what Remus had never had before because he couldn't afford it. Somewhere homey and worn in, because that had always been what Sirius liked.
And James wouldn't be invited along. He'd have to find somewhere of his own to live. And what a depressing, lonely life that would be.
He didn't want to be anywhere Sirius wasn't, but he couldn't latch onto his arm and demand that he hold onto the past instead of continuing to move forward.
He should get out of bed. He knew he should.
He just had trouble convincing himself it would be worth it.
If he got out of bed now, he'd be able to eat.
But if he stayed in bed for long enough, Sirius would come to check on him. He'd sit down on the bed, maybe put a hand on James's shoulder and let the warmth from his palm seep through the fabric of his sleep clothes.
...and he really didn't feel like getting out of bed.
He rubbed a hand over his face and rolled onto his side, back to the door.
Not to sound melodramatic, but he didn't see what point there was to getting up. He didn't do anything these days. He just smiled at Sirius as his heart screamed out in pain and did nothing all day because Harry was back at Hogwarts. Sirius would hand him books from the Black library and suggest games even though it was obvious he had no interest in playing.
It was a waste of time. Every day, all he did was waste time. What was the point? He might as well just lay in bed for as long as he wanted. It's not as if he had a schedule to keep to or a baby that needed him. Harry was happy to have him around, but James was far too young to try and be a father to him. There was a measly six year age difference between them, not near enough for James to try and parent Harry, no matter how much he wanted to, at various times over the summer.
He was comfortable in this bed-- in spite of all the green-- so he might as well stay right where he was. Sirius didn't need him either. Like with Harry, Sirius was happy to have him around, but he was more a figment of the past than he was an active part of the present.
They wouldn't have been happier if he stayed gone; he wasn't so far removed as to believe that. But it sucked. He was living between the two times, suspended and trapped because he couldn't commit to either. He tried to adapt to what life had given him, but-
For fuck's sake, he couldn't walk down the street holding Sirius's hand, and that's all he'd really wanted from his future.
If he had to isolate his dreams for the future into one, single thing, it would've been that.
And he didn't have it.
Couldn't have it.
He couldn't have it because Sirius's freedom hadn't been pushed through yet, and even when it did, he was in love with someone else. James was just... extra. He'd never thought he would be 'extra' when it came to Sirius, but that's what he was.
He pulled the pillow out from under his head and shoved it on top of the other side, blacking out his vision. This side of the pillow on his face was cool, and it gave him something else to think about. He liked that. Getting to think about something else for a minute, that is. It was nice. It was a break from the monotony going on in his mind.
Sirius did eventually come in to find James, but he couldn't say how long it had been. He fell into that hazy space where he was neither fully awake nor fully asleep. It could've been twenty minutes, or it could've been four hours; James had no idea, and he didn't particularly care which it was. At least he didn't feel tired, but there was no telling how long that feeling would last once he got out of bed and dressed for the day.
Sirius opened the door, his footsteps light like he didn't want to wake James if he was asleep. "Jamie? You awake?"
And that was another thing: Jamie. Sirius was the only one who was allowed to call him that. His parents had done it when he was a kid, but by the time he made it to Hogwarts, he felt that he was too old for it. It was a kid nickname, he'd told them. But then fourth year had come around, and Sirius had kissed him and called him Jamie, and he decided that it wasn't a kid's nickname if it was coming out of Sirius's mouth.
James made a vague noise to try and communicate that he was awake, but he must not have been clear enough, because Sirius padded closer.
"Are you sick?"
"'m fine," he mumbled. He pushed himself up slowly, wincing a little at the ache in his back. Apparently, he had stayed in bed too long. It hadn't felt like it when he was still laying down, but now he couldn't help but grimace.
Sirius wasn't willing to take his word for it though, and he put the back of his hand against James's forehead. "It doesn't feel like you're running a fever."
"I just wanted to sleep in. I'm not sick," James insisted.
Sirius ignored that too and moved his hand to James's cheek. His touch was light, but James could feel the knuckles of each finger pressed into his skin. 
He felt like a child.
Like Sirius was responsible for him, so he was checking in like a guardian would.
The thought made James's heart drop, not that he was surprised by it. He knew that Sirius couldn't still think of him like an equal. He'd been alive for over ten years longer than James; of course he would grow past him.
"You sure you're okay?" Sirius asked. He took his hand away, and James tried not to snatch it back. He sat down on the bed, next to James's knees. He put a hand out, over James's legs, and leaned into it. It should've been close and intimate, but all James could think was that it didn't mean what he wanted it to.
"I'm fine," James said, even as his eyes traced the length of Sirius's arm. Every bone, every muscle, every hair. He wanted to re-memorise it so he could trace it in his sleep like he used to be able to. 
"If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to," he said, which was so wrong coming out of his mouth, "but I wish you'd talk to someone. If you miss Harry-"
"That's not it," James cut in. He did miss Harry, but his kid was little more than a concept and a stranger rolled into one. He loved him, there was no doubt that he loved him, but it wasn't the sort of love that he could miss after so little time apart, especially when he knew that Harry would contact him if there was something wrong-- or even if he wanted to talk. "I mean, I'm fine, but if there was something bothering me, that wouldn't be it." He barely stopped himself from cringing, because that was such an unbelievable lie, there was no way that Sirius would buy it. To try and prevent any further discussion about a topic he couldn't get into with Sirius, he extricated himself from the bed and headed to the wardrobe. "I'll meet you downstairs in a few, yeah?"
"...Yeah."
James didn't trust that pause before Sirius agreed, but there was nothing he could do about it.
He felt like that a lot these days: that there was nothing he could do. He used to not believe in it, not really. There was always something that could be done, and him and Sirius had found great joy in finding the best course and jumping into it headfirst. But this... this wasn't something he could fix. What little there was to be done had already been started, and it couldn't be rushed.
What happened to his zeal for life?
He remembered a second later: it died when his relationship with Sirius did.
Lily had said it wasn't healthy how obsessed he was with Sirius, but what did she know? She pretended to be married to him while pining after someone that didn't seem to know she existed. She also had that whole denial thing going on with her parents, and a sister who she constantly kept in contact with even though she hated her. She hadn't been a pillar of healthy relationships herself.
*
Sirius wasn't making this easy on him.
Every time he turned around, there was Sirius with a happy smile and an arm over his shoulders. He kept asking if James wanted to help him cook, which was a trap, because like hell was James going to turn him down, and then it turned out that the recipes Sirius kept choosing were long and/or complicated, so they'd been spending a couple hours together before it was time to eat.
And yes, that is generally what James liked, and he'd be lying if it didn't help his disposition somewhat, but there was no getting past the sticking point: Sirius wasn't in love with him anymore. Not only was Sirius not in love with him anymore, but he was dating someone else! A someone that was kind, and a friend, and deserved good things, and did not need for James to try and steal that one, shining good thing out from under him. Not that James was convinced he could steal Sirius away from Moony, but... well, he thought he could make a decent go of it if he really tried. He knew how to push all of Sirius's buttons, how to rile him up, and how to make himself look irresistible.
If Sirius had any lingering feelings, James was sure he could bring them to the surface.
But he couldn't do that. Sirius and Remus were happy together, even if Moony was busy most days and couldn't visit, and if James got in the middle of that, he'd never forgive himself. It was like the end of their seventh year, he mused. He had thought that Sirius was interested in some bloke from Ravenclaw, and while James had been mad with jealousy, he hadn't actually gotten in the way or tried to stop it, because if that's what Sirius wanted, then by Merlin, Sirius would get to have it. That had been a misunderstanding of course. Sirius had only wanted to know more about the muggle punk scene, and that was the only other student in Hogwarts he could talk to about it.
James wished there was a similar misunderstanding here, but he knew he couldn't hold out hope. There was no mistaking the way Sirius perked up every time Moony visited. The guilty looks towards James when they wanted time alone together was another good indicator. Time and again, James turned those memories over in his head, looking for a flaw in his logic or a way he might've misconstrued a friendly gesture for something more, but he came to the same conclusion every time. They were a couple, and there was nothing James could do about it-- or at least nothing he was willing to do, which basically meant that he couldn't do it. It might as well be physically impossible for all the good it would do him.
Sirius wanted them to be mates, and more than that, he wanted them to be close like they'd been before, so James tried to push down his treacherous thoughts and focus on what was in front of him. The only thing worse than losing Sirius as a romantic partner was if he lost him as a friend.
*
James used to be pretty confident. Actually, that was an understatement. He'd been completely confident. Arrogant, even, because he was fit, smart, funny, and he'd had the partner of his dreams (even if they couldn't be open about their relationship). He'd been a bloody catch and he wasn't in denial about it.
But now when he looked in the mirror, all he could see were flaws. Rather, the things about him that used to be good were no longer good enough. Sure he was fit for his age, but he looked so Merlin's-cursed young. There was no way Sirius would be interested. He was funny, but his sense of humour hadn't had a chance to grow or change at all. The best he could offer Sirius was nostalgia, and nostalgia did not a steady relationship make. It didn't matter if he was smart anymore, because Sirius had been learning so much while James was dead. He was sure he could catch up if he tried, but there was no replacing life experience-- and of that, Sirius definitely had more than him. And did it matter how good James was at thinking on his feet when neither of them were leaving the house? Even if it did make a difference, that one mark in his favour wouldn't be enough to outweigh all the bad.
Maybe James was still a catch, but he was a catch for someone that was twenty. Not someone who was in their thirties, not someone who had grown and changed while he wasn't around.
To put it mildly, it sucked.
Him and Sirius used to be perfect for each other. They were evenly matched. They were basically one person that had been split into two bodies. James used to think to himself that he wasn't himself if he wasn't with Sirius.
He still thought that, it just meant that he didn't feel like himself these days.
Sirius had long since noticed that something was wrong, but so far, he hadn't pushed. He asked when he was particularly worried, but he hadn't cornered James and demanded answers.
James was trying his best to be okay with, well, everything, but he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to keep up even that thin veneer that he was fine. It hung by a thread most days, and it was only the lack of visitors that kept him from breaking.
But it wouldn't last forever.
Something was going to give, and every bad thought he'd had would come spilling out when that happened.
He just hoped that Harry wouldn't be around to hear it. There was no avoiding Sirius hearing it, but he could probably break down where his son wouldn't see it, if he tried.
*
Sirius was declared free, and the first thing they did was get the hell out of Grimmauld Place. They didn't talk about it first. The Prophet came in, and the main headline was declaring the Azkaban escapee innocent of all charges. They hovered over the article together, eyes frantically scanning the body of text to make sure it wasn't misleading with its title, and then they looked at each other. It was only for a second, but it was enough for them to realise they were in agreement.
They raced to the front door, wrenched it open, and took a few steps out onto the front stoop. It was the first time Sirius had been able to do it without someone haranguing him about taking unnecessary risks or living with the fear of being Kissed by a dementor. They didn't even have their shoes on.
"Let's go somewhere," Sirius said, turning to him with a grin. The steps felt grimy and dirty on the soles of his feet, but it didn't matter.
"Where?"
"I don't care. Anywhere. We can figure it out while we walk," he said, brushing by James to get back in the house. As soon as he got his handful of belongings and Buckbeak out of here, he wasn't going to ever come back. The Order could keep having their meetings in there if they wanted, but like hell was he going to attend.
It was a bit of a scrambling mess as they tried to remember where shoes and jackets were-- and wands, Merlin, when was the last time they'd needed to keep a close eye on their wands?-- but it wasn't long before they were tumbling back onto the street, laughing as they put distance between them and Grimmauld Place. 
Sirius slid a hand into James's like they'd been doing this the whole time. He tugged James down one street, turned a corner, then grinned, bright and happy and looking more like himself with every passing minute. "Remember the muggle diner that used to be right there?" he asked, pointing to a now-empty storefront a few buildings away from them. "I had to sneak out of my window to meet you there."
"What I remember is that time we were snogging outside and that group of blokes saw us and got a stick in their arse about it."
Sirius snickered. "We had to obliviate them to get away."
"And I thought the Ministry would catch our underage magic and you'd get in trouble for sneaking out," James recalled, outright laughing now.
"You were more scared of my parents than the Ministry," he said, looking over at James the way he always used to: like he loved him. Like he was content simply because James insisted.
If James were a better man, he would've looked away or changed the subject, or hell, just asked if he wanted to visit Moony now that he could. He didn't do any of those things. Instead, he smiled softly at Sirius and knew the love he felt for him was plain on his face. After weeks and weeks of trying to hide it (and probably failing to hide it), it was a relief to be able to act like nothing had changed for them. "It never mattered though. We weren't caught."
"We weren't caught when we snuck into the Ministry, either," Sirius said, eyes sparkling.
"We were hardly ever caught for the shite we did."
"Don't tell McGonagall that, she might give us retroactive detentions."
"She could try," James said with a smirk.
Sirius laughed, loud and uninhibited, just like his old self. James hadn't realised how subdued he'd been in Grimmauld Place until now, when he finally was free. Unburdened. There were many things to worry about in their lives, but they weren't weighing him down. He was beautiful. 
They kept walking, pointing at the various places they'd met up when Sirius wasn't allowed to visit the Potter's house. There were more locations than James thought there would be, but after Sirius moved in with him, they'd pretty much tried to forget everything to do with Grimmauld Place. Including the diner where they'd grab a late bite, the coffee shop they'd mixed with their first tastes of liquor, the alley most covered from prying eyes where they'd snog, the clothing store where Sirius had first spotted a leather jacket and fallen in love. On and on the list went, tidbits of memories from their teenage years that they'd forgotten about.
"Let's go home," James said, when he tired of the way passerby's glared at them for holding hands.
Sirius nodded, a warm cast over his features. James didn't have to specify, and Sirius didn't have to ask for clarification. He knew that when he said 'home', he didn't mean where they'd been staying for the past few months. Home meant home, where they lived together for as long as they could after Hogwarts before James had to go in hiding.
He squeezed Sirius's hand tightly and side-alonged him onto the front stoop. A quick wave of his wand unlocked the door, and in they went. Everything was covered in dust, a sad sign of its disuse, but he felt better already.
"Mm, I don't need any help remembering what happened here," Sirius said. He hugged James from behind, pressing them close together. He turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.
His heart beat double time from the contact. He didn't want to bring it up, but it was finally time that one of them mentioned it-- and mentioned it before he lost all sense of morals and kissed Sirius for all he was worth. "What about Moony?"
"What about Moony?" Sirius asked, utterly confused.
"Aren't the two of you dating?"
"No," he said immediately. "Why would you think that? Did someone tell you we were? For fuck's sake, if it was Molly again, I'm gonna-"
"Nobody said anything," James cut in, feeling foolish. He'd been so sure that they were together. He thought that he had irrefutable evidence. There had been no doubt in his mind that Sirius was no longer interested in him, but this morning proved just how wrong he'd been. "Merlin, I just- it seemed so obvious, I assumed. You acted like..."
"Like I loved him?"
James gave a small nod.
"No," Sirius said softly. "Just you. It's always been you."
"But you've changed so much, and I'm exactly the same as I was fifteen years ago."
Sirius let go of him then and stepped into view, an incredulous look on his face. "Changed? Jamie, I haven't- I was in Azkaban for twelve years. When I escaped, I was exactly the same. I've been in limbo since then. I've barely talked to anyone, barely changed at all. I'm still the same insecure idiot that fell in love with you when I was thirteen."
"You're not an idiot," James said immediately.
All his defense did was make Sirius smile, because of course that's the part he would address first.
"So you... we're still us?" The hope in every inch of his body and writ across his face was plain.
"Without a doubt."
James threw himself at Sirius and finally felt like the world wasn't hopeless.
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Hello all! Just wanted to reblog this here to say that we’ll be trying to tag our posts bambibelle from now on, but we’ll be tagging them as prongsfoot as well 💛
Prongsfoot Shippers
Hello all Prongsfoot Shippers!
In the Prongsfoot Discord, we’ve decided to create a new tag “Bambibelle” that is for Romantic Prongsfoot ONLY.  The idea is that we’d have a tag that’s just for Romantic Prongsfoot since the Prongsfoot tag is overrun with non-romantic prongsfoot.  Thanks!
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Can you do something like.. James going off to Hogsmeade on his own to sulk (after Lily rejects him) and it just so happens that death eaters decided to attack the village at that time. Sirius comes to the rescue but gets severely hurt in the process. James feels guilty and finally realizes his feelings, which he confesses while he thought Sirius was unconscious.
((A/N: In keeping with the prompt, this starts with James pining over Lily))
Sirius got back to the common room after talking to Professor Slughorn-- read: practically being kidnapped by the man, Merlin, he really needed to learn how to let a conversation end instead of dragging it on and on and on-- and looked around for James.
His eyes glanced over the younger years without a thought, lingered for a second over Lily and her mates-- where she was grumpily reading a book-- then frowned when he saw Moony and Wormtail with no Prongs in sight. He gave another quick sweep of the room, but he wasn't there.
With a sigh, Sirius headed up to the dormitory, figuring that the stormy look on Lily's face was from yet another proposition from James. And, in true James fashion, he'd gone off to sulk over the rejection. Without Sirius there to comfort him, he'd chosen isolation.
Sirius opened the door, already talking. "Hey Prongs, do you have any sugar quills left?" They went through them quickly when professors decided to lecture, and the last Hogsmeade weekend had been a while ago.
No response, and Sirius frowned, peering at James's bed only to find it empty, curtain's open to show his messy bed and a distinct lack of an inhabitant. Merlin, without Sirius around for him to whinge at, he'd run off somewhere else to sulk.
Sirius grabbed the Marauder's Map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he muttered with a tap of his wand, and he unfolded it hurriedly as ink bloomed across the parchment. James tended to haunt the same few locations-- ones that he and Sirius had found together and liked.
As he looked around those rooms to no avail, his eyes caught movement at the edge of the Map, going off towards Hogsmeade. He leaned closer to confirm what he already suspected.
Sure enough 'James Potter' marked the footsteps. "Mischief managed," Sirius said with a sigh. He gave a halfhearted effort to folding the Map back up and stashed his wand in his robes.
Merlin only knew what James would get up to in Hogsmeade by himself, and Sirius wasn't about to wait and find out. Frankly, he didn't understand why James hadn't waited five minutes for him to get back, but maybe Lily had been particularly harsh this time.
He didn't bother to say goodbye to Wormtail or Moony as he passed through the common room since they were poring over textbooks and pieces of parchment. Besides, they'd figure out where he was when they noticed that him and James were both gone.
Sirius wasn't thinking about anything new as he walked to Hogsmeade. They were the usual thoughts about how James didn't stand a chance with Lily and wished he'd give up, the knowledge that he wouldn't, and a little bit of wondering if he was invisible in James’s romantic life, because he hadn't looked twice at Sirius when the topic of dating arose. It was nothing he hadn't thought a hundred times before, and of course there was no solution to any of it.
Not a solution he would like, at least. Because the truth was that James wouldn't give up on Lily, and if he hadn't thought about Sirius as a possibility before, he wasn't going to start now. James was nothing if not a stubborn bastard, and that determination only flagged under Lily's rejections; it never left entirely. And to be honest, Sirius didn't want it to leave. A James without confidence was hardly James at all. He wished he could be stubborn about something else, but he supposed that everyone had something they were obsessed with. James had Lily, and Sirius had James. Remus was obsessed with trying to scrape by all of his classes with A's, and Peter was obsessed with finding a girlfriend and holding onto her.
They all had their little obsessions.
Someone screamed, and Sirius broke out into a run. He pulled out his wand as he ran towards the sound, and as he neared, he heard commotion. Not the usual commotion of a busy Hogsmeade, but the frightened sounds of people running, spells flying, and the cracks of disapparation from people lucky enough to make it out. This attack, so close to Hogwarts, was terrifying to think about, and that meant there was only one group it could possibly be: Death Eaters.
It didn't occur to Sirius to go the other way.
All he knew was that James was here somewhere, and he had to find him. James was good with a wand, but he didn't have the practice to best a Death Eater in a duel. And he'd come down here to sulk! He wouldn't be at his best under those circumstances, and not to stroke his own ego, but Sirius was better than most in a fight. James would be fine as long as he could get to him. 
He caught the first Death Eater completely by surprise, getting him down with a stunning spell before he had a chance to even turn around.
The second one was more of a challenge, but it only took a few exchanges before Sirius won.
After that, well... that's when things got difficult.
*
"Mister Potter, perhaps you should return to your dormitory for the night," Madam Pomfrey said.
"I'm staying here," he said, not even bothering to look up at her. He'd sat at Sirius's bedside as soon as he was allowed, and he'd only left once to use the loo. The entire rest of the time, he'd been in that chair, staring at Sirius.
His response didn't surprise the nurse in the slightest, so she didn't try to argue with him-- not after her attempts to get him to the Great Hall for dinner had gone so abominably. "You can use the bed next to you when you want to sleep, then."
"Thanks," James said, because he was focused on his best mate, but he wasn't about to be rude to Madam Pomfrey without a very good reason.
His eyes were glued to Sirius's ear.
He heard the nurse walk away and then the door to her rooms shut.
He couldn't stop looking at Sirius's ear. In the scope of his injuries, that one was nothing. It was only a small nick in one of the lobes. It wouldn't impair his hearing at all when he woke up. It wasn't an obvious scar that would get him stared at or questioned when he was uncomfortable with it. It was a small piece that was missing, barely noticeable; he could've been born that way and no one would know the difference. 
No one except James. He would know.
He knew Sirius inside and out, from the very top of his head all the way down to the soles of his feet. They were close. Closer than anyone else their age. He knew this for a fact, based on the reactions of- well, everyone. Moony never hesitated to tell them how weird he thought it was that the two of them had seen each other naked on a fairly regular basis, no matter how many times James tried to tell him that it wasn't a big deal. They saw each other in the showers all the time from Quidditch, and there was a massive tub in Potter Manor that they sometimes shared, making funny shapes in the bubbles and roughhousing in the water.
He supposed there would be new things to learn about Sirius now. 
The new shapes of his skin as they healed his wounds into scars.
Wounds that had bled so much James had worried he wouldn’t live. 
His hands tightened into fists.
He hated this. Seeing Sirius injured was horrible. The last time it had happened, he'd shown up on James's doorstep in the middle of the night, crying from his parent's abuse. This felt worse, if only because his parents hadn't been trying to kill him. The Death Eaters had been.
As tears welled up in James's eyes, he realized-- all at once-- that he wasn't angry. He was scared.
He was buggering terrified, because Sirius had nearly died, and then what would James do? He couldn't live without Sirius. He couldn't. Every time James thought about his future, Sirius was there. No matter the location, the career, or the age, he was there. It was never James alone, or even James with Lily. Lily showed up sometimes, when he thought about having kids or being straight out of Hogwarts, but Sirius was constant.
He was the center of James's universe, and he'd nearly died. Nearly died because of James. Because he'd asked out Lily again, and when she said no, he'd been feeling dramatic and wanted a pint. He had thought about waiting for Sirius, but he figured that they'd meet up in a little bit, so it didn't matter if James went ahead on his own. For that matter, why was he so sodding upset about Lily rejecting him? He barely knew her! She was pretty and witty and kind, yes, all of that was true, but had he really put Sirius at risk because of it? He had potential with Lily, not a relationship. Sirius had gotten hurt, because he'd been on his own chasing after James like he always did when James acted like a self-centered pillock, and it had nearly killed him.
"I'm sorry," he choked out. He knew that Sirius couldn't hear him, but he needed to say it. One of his hands fumbled for Sirius's on the bed, and he wrapped his fingers around his wrist. He could feel the slight b-bmp of Sirius's pulse. It felt so weak, but he didn't know if that was real or his imagination; Madam Pomfrey had assured him that Sirius would make a full recovery, that he was fine, just finishing up healing after all the potions she'd had to administer.
"I love you so much and you-" James stopped and blew out a breath. 
He hadn't realised it. 
He felt like such a bloody idiot, but yeah, he knew now that he was in love with Sirius. That what he thought about him wasn't how most people thought about their best mates.
With his free hand, he pulled off his glasses and cried into his palm.
"I'm such a sodding idiot," he said, and he really felt like it. Hell, Wormtail and Moony probably knew how he felt and thought he knew it too. "I'm in love with you, and I didn't know it. I'm so bloody stupid, Merlin."
"You're not stupid," Sirius muttered.
James jerked his head up to look at him, then realized he could only make out his blurry shape-- and it wasn't just from the tears. He pulled his hand back to himself and wiped at his eyes, then shoved his glasses on. "You're awake," he said, even though that was obvious. He got to his feet. "How do you feel?"
"Like you're not stupid." He hit James weakly with the back of his hand. "Agree with me."
"Yes, fine, you're right, now how do you feel?" He peered at Sirius's face, but there was as little colour in it now as there'd been when he was still unconscious.
Sirius swallowed. "Mm. Tired. Stomach hurts a little."
"Should I get Madam Pomfrey?"
"No," he said immediately. "C'mon, sit down." He smiled, still weak, but genuinely happy. "Tell me more about how you fancy me. Does this mean you're finally going to pay more attention to me than Lily?"
"I've always paid more attention to you than Lily," James said, offended at the accusation.
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"Mate, you definitely started ignoring me when you got interested in snogging her face off."
"I never ignored you," he insisted.
"You started paying less attention to me."
"Less attention does not mean ignoring you."
"A little less attention was bad enough," Sirius said with a small sniff. "Tell me more about how much you love me. I'm injured, I need comfort."
"Er, right. You heard that." He was helpless to the blush rising in his cheeks. He'd been so happy that Sirius was awake, he sort of forgot he'd heard that.
"James..." he said softly. There was a wealth of emotion in the way he said his name, and when James met his eyes again, there was no doubting what he meant.
All at once, the tension left James's shoulders, and he smiled. "I'm never sneaking into Hogsmeade without you again."
"Damn right you're not," Sirius said, and James heard what he meant. I love you too.
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Can you do something like.. Muggleborn James who was raised in a abusive orphanage, comes to hogwarts and he is all jumpy and flinching whenever someone touches him and Sirius is his friend (Love interest) notices it and asks him about him and he is all nervous and something like that...? May be with Walburga and Orion as nice parents? LOL I know that wont happen but still.. And with getting together fic or pre-relationship? Thank You!! They are like 15 years old.. 💖💖
((A/N: In keeping with the prompt, there are references to child abuse, though there is no real discussion of it.))
Strictly speaking, Sirius didn't have friends. 
He didn't care for his dormmates all that much. At first it was because they were weird, and then it was because they were dumb. He didn't really mean it as a judgment, but it was true. They couldn't keep up with him in any of their classes, and when he was younger, he didn't know why they didn't understand it because it was so simple, and by the time he figured out that his pre-Hogwarts education was more extensive than virtually everyone else's in his year, he'd already ostracized all of them.
It got better as the years went by. They were all stuck in the same room after all, and it was easier to feign pleasantries than hold a grudge for the remaining years of their schooling.
They were friendly, but they weren't friends. 
That suited Sirius just fine, as the only company he could stand was that of his family. One of his cousins was set to graduate this year, and his little brother was finally at Hogwarts.
Sirius figured it would be a good year with two people he could talk to. Next year, there was no telling, but for fifth year, he would take having two family members and tolerable dormmates.
All of that changed when someone new transferred to Hogwarts. 
James Potter, muggleborn, Gryffindor, and fifth year.
Sirius had never believed in love at first sight before, but the moment he laid eyes on that wide smile and his sparkling brown eyes, he knew he was lost.
"D'you want to sit with me?" Sirius asked. He'd already sat at the Gryffindor table, so he looked up at James as he asked it. Was there any angle James didn't look wonderful from? This position better let Sirius see the dimple in his cheek when he smiled, and Sirius's heart skipped a beat.
"Sure. Thanks."
They sat through the Sorting, and Regulus gave Sirius a wave once he was sat further down at the table after being Sorted into Gryffindor.
"You know him?" James whispered.
"My brother. Can't you see the family resemblance?" Sirius asked with a smirk, elbowing James playfully.
James flinched at the touch, and Sirius pulled his arm back to himself quickly. "Er-" James glanced down the table at Regulus again, then gave Sirius a small, awkward smile. "Guess so."
That was a strange reaction, but Sirius wasn't going to call attention to it when their friendship was so new and the Sorting was still happening.
*
As time went on, Sirius noticed that James always did that. Flinched at unexpected touches. Flinched at anything that was a gentled version of a hit. Slaps to the shoulder, a poke to the ribs, hell, even hugging him got that reaction if he didn't see it coming.
Sirius didn't know the cause of James's behaviour, but he did know that he didn't like it.
James was amazing. He was a drop of sunshine bound in human form. He laughed so freely and loved so much. He didn't deserve so much as a hangnail, much less whatever happened to him to make him flinch all the time.
Sirius, as the wonderful best mate (and potential boyfriend) that he was, did his best. 
He made sure that James could always see him coming before he put an arm over his shoulders, he only ruffled James's hair when he was already touching him, and he'd stopped hugging him from behind entirely, even though he loved to lace his fingers across James's stomach and press his forehead against the back of his neck. Mild sacrifices had to be made for the greater good, sad but true. And James's happiness was the greater good, as far as Sirius was concerned.
James wasn't solely his first real friend, he was his best friend. Sirius could be friends with every other person in Hogwarts, and James would still be flying ahead of them all as first. They did everything together, because a moment apart was a moment wasted. They never got tired of each other, and it was a miracle, because even Regulus, as much as Sirius loved him, grated on his nerves if they were around each other for too long. That didn't happen with James. All Sirius did was crave more of his time, more of his attention, more of his laughter, more of his touch, just more. 
And yes, Sirius fancied him, but that wasn't all this was. If he stopped fancying him tomorrow, he'd still want more in a way he couldn't describe in a few words.
After a few months, Sirius felt they had been friends for long enough that he could ask James straight out what was going on.
Unfortunately, when Sirius asked, "Why do you flinch when people touch you?" he didn't get a real answer.
Not unless he considered, "What? I don't," a real answer. 
Which he didn't. 
It was certainly not a real answer, it was a denial of it existing at all, and Sirius was sure that it did. He was obsessed with James; he was sure that he was right about its existence. But if James didn't want to talk about it, then Sirius wasn't going to push it.
*
"Have you got plans for Winter Hols?" Sirius asked.
"Other than staying here?" James asked with an ever-present smile as he tossed himself on Sirius's bed.
"You're staying at Hogwarts over break?"
"That's what I said." James raised a hand and traced over the constellations Sirius had charmed to the roof of his four poster. He did this near every time he laid in Sirius's bed, and it made Sirius warm to witness.
"What about your family?"
"Haven't got any," James said, a feigned casualness to his voice-- as if Sirius couldn't see through that in a second. "I was in a muggle orphanage before the Headmaster tracked me down."
"How's that possible? Did you- did you not know about magic until this term?"
"No, my parents raised me until I was eleven. Apparently they told Professor Dumbledore they were going to homeschool me, so no one thought anything of it when I didn't show for first year." He rolled his head to the side to grin at Sirius. "Imagine what we could've been getting up to if I'd been here the whole time."
"Hogwarts would no longer be standing," Sirius said with a mirrored grin. 
There was a pit in his stomach at James's words, though. His parents raised him until he was eleven but then he'd been in a muggle orphanage? He was leaving important details out, and while Sirius wanted to press him until he got answers-- until he knew every single thing that was possible to know about James-- he knew that he didn't want to talk about it. James had changed the subject to happier topics-- their friendship-- so he would let it go.
For now.
He was not, however, going to let James spend the Winter Hols alone in Hogwarts when Sirius had a home more than big enough to host him, and plenty of events that could entertain the both of them. Although he would like to think that James would be more than happy with just Sirius for entertainment, there were parties and such Sirius had to attend, and they would be so much more fun with James at his side. And with James out of the magical world for however long, maybe he would find it fun to attend the Black's Winter Ball.
Sirius wasted no time in writing a letter to his parents and sending it off-- asking for a prompt answer, of course. Usually he let them answer his letters in their own time, but he needed to lock James in for break as soon as he could.
Luckily, over breakfast the next morning, the family owl dropped him a response. Sirius tore the letter open and offered Starry-- this is what came from letting a five year old Regulus choose the name-- a piece of bacon absently. Starry took the food, gave Sirius's fingers an affectionate nip, then took off.
"What's that?" James asked, accustomed to Sirius sharing every little detail of the day with him.
Sirius's eyes scanned the letter quickly. He picked up the words 'of course' and 'always welcome', and he grinned victoriously. He looked over at James. "Care to spend Winter Hols with me?"
"What?" He looked blind-sided by the offer, as if it had never occurred to him that Sirius might go this route. It was quite strange, considering there were times when Sirius could swear James had read his mind.
"I asked my parents and they said it was fine. So?"
James hesitated.
Sirius needed to act fast, or James would come up with a suitable excuse and he would feel like a pillock for forcing him to agree-- even though he did truly believe James would enjoy his break more with Sirius than in Hogwarts. "I'm only asking to be nice. You're coming with me whether you like it or not. No way am I standing through another family ball while Mrs. Huntington tells me how well I'm growing up." Sirius was adept at avoiding her, but she creeped him out and standing by Regulus (now that he was old enough to attend) wasn't a good deterrent for her. "You can't possibly leave me alone with all those people. I see them every year."
"I- I don't have anything to wear to a ball."
"You can wear something of mine," Sirius said with a shrug. He stole James's cup of pumpkin juice and took a drink before returning it. "We're pretty much the same size, so it'll only take a few alterations to make it presentable on you. Any other ways you want to try and get out of this?" Sirius asked with a smirk.
James sighed as if he was put upon, but there was a hint of a smile playing at his mouth. "Fine. I suppose spending Winter Hols with you won't be all bad. I'll get to see your house. You've talked about it so much I feel as though I know the layout already."
Sirius had only talked about it so much to try and get James interested in visiting. "Good, then you'll be right at home."
*
When James met Sirius's parents, they embraced him as if they'd known him for years-- as if Sirius had been bringing him to visit every year that he'd been gone at Hogwarts.
Sirius didn't see it coming in time to stop it from happening, but he did see the usual twitch to James's shoulders at the unexpected touch. He also saw the way his parents noticed James's reaction. His father met his eyes over James's head, and understanding passed between them. Sirius gave a small shake of his head; he didn't know why, only that it was.
"Nice to finally meet you, James," Mum said as they pulled back. "Sirius talks about you so much, it's nice to put a face to the name."
"Mum," Sirius groaned as heat rose in his cheeks.
"Oh hush up, you finally have a friend I can tease you about. It's well within my motherly right to take advantage of such an opportunity."
That did not help his blush lessen.
"Leave off the poor boy, Walburga. Regulus, how was your first term at Hogwarts?"
"It was amazing," Regulus said, and then he was off, filling in their parents on every little thing he enjoyed (and didn't) about school.
"Sorry about them," Sirius muttered.
"Don't be, I think it's sweet," James said, a soft smile on his face.
"Sweet? How so?"
"I dunno," James said, shrugging one shoulder. "I guess I like that you like me as much as I like you, y'know? Sometimes it feels like you put up with me."
"Put up with you?" Sirius repeated incredulously. Since James was already looking at him, he lifted an arm and put it around James's shoulders, pulling him a little closer as they walked behind the rest of his family. "Mate, I put up with the rest of the blokes in our year. I haven't had any problem ignoring them for the last four years. You are my best friend, and it would do you well to remember it."
"I suppose I can do that," James said, ducking his head shyly.
Sirius wanted to coo over how buggering cute he was, but he managed to restrain himself. Barely.
*
Sirius showed off a bit when they got home, wanting for James to be impressed by him. Normally, all he had to do was be himself and James was impressed, but now that they were away from Hogwarts, he felt like he had something to prove.
He showed him the family tree and the portraits that lined the hallways, the heavy dining room table, and the most comfortable couch in the world that sat in front of their fireplace.
It was only after Sirius dragged James to his room and asked if he thought the bed would be big enough, that he noticed how awestruck James looked by everything. Sirius stopped speaking abruptly as colour filled James's cheeks when he glanced at Sirius's bed.
"You alright?" Sirius asked.
"We're going to share?"
"We don't have to," Sirius said slowly, trying to puzzle out why James was blushing. "Another can be brought in. Or," he added, not wanting to suggest it but knowing that he should, "you can sleep in a guest room. I just thought- you know, that it wouldn't be a big deal if we shared. We've done it before at Hogwarts, and those beds are a lot smaller."
"Smaller, yeah, but that was different."
"How?" Sirius asked. He hadn't felt this confused by James since the first week of term when they barely knew each other.
James shifted his weight awkwardly. Awkwardness didn't suit him. It sat wrong on his shoulders, like it had been placed there by accident. "Er, I dunno. It was just- different."
"Okay," Sirius said, drawing out the word for several seconds as he tried to parse out what was going on in James's head.
All at once the answer came to him, and his shoulders slumped.
James must've realised that Sirius fancied him, and he thought it was too awkward to bring up! He must've figured it out recently, since there's no way he would've agreed to spend the entire break with Sirius if he'd known the whole time.
"Look, I didn't know you'd be this bent out of shape over how I felt, but it's not a problem, yeah? We have like, twenty guest rooms in this place. It won't be a problem to clean one up for you."
James blinked at him. It looked like he'd gotten caught up in something Sirius had said at the very beginning, which didn't make sense.
It didn't make sense until, that is, James said, "How you feel?"
"Well, yeah. Isn't that why you thought it would be weird for us to both stay in my bed?" Sirius didn't know what to do with the way this conversation was going. He'd been sure that he figured out why James was being weird, only now it looked like maybe that wasn't the case. If he was wrong, then what had been the reason? And, almost as importantly, how was it only the first day of break and he'd already managed to bugger this up? 
This was the real reason he didn't have friends; he couldn't maintain a relationship with anyone he wasn't related to.
"I- what feelings?"
"I fancy you?" Sirius ventured, less sure of himself than ever.
James's eyes went wide behind his glasses. "You do?"
"Something tells me you didn't already know, like I thought you did," Sirius said. His heart fell, but he refused to be embarrassed about it. Clearly, James wasn't going to run away screaming, so he was fine.
"Why did you think I knew?"
"Because you didn't want us to stay in the same room! It made sense ten seconds ago. Alright fine, that wasn't it," Sirius said, waving his hand through the air dismissively like he could physically remove that from the conversation. "What was bothering you, then?"
"I wouldn't say bother," James hedged, but it was weak. He sighed a second later and crossed his arms over his chest. "I didn't say we should have separate rooms because you fancy me, I was saying it because I fancy you."
Sirius laughed, loud and bright. "That's hilarious. We're not too good at this feeling business."
He didn't respond for a second, and Sirius worried that maybe it was funnier to him than it was to James and he'd just cocked this up. But that second passed, and he was laughing along. "Maybe in the future we should leave each other notes when we need to talk."
“Sounds good to me.” 
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