#shes gifted at customer service im telling you
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Silly togachako uni doodles since I havent drawn them in a minute
#i got the urge to draw toga working in fast food all of a sudden and this happened#also FOR THE RECORD boycott mcdonalds fuck mcdonalds#the logo just happened to ne the most recognisable in the moment#i am not immune to marketing#anyways ochako is studying astrophysics#shes gonna be an astronaut#YOU CAN PRY THAT HC FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS#and toga is studying to be an emt#shes gifted at customer service im telling you#great at plastering on a fake smile#doesnt take long for her to start smiling honestly at ochako#ochako is flustered badddd lemme tell you#theyre so cute#ochako uraraka#himiko toga#togachako#mha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#bnha#wlw#chiquilines draws
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TWST working at McDonalds
my credentials are i have never worked at mcdonalds
this is crack don’t take it seriously
warnings: swearing and cr*wley
Riddle
absolutely judges you for even coming to order at mcdonalds. there is no nutrition!! all of it is grease and sugar!!
refuses to work drivethru. yelling does nothing for his rage, his violent nature will not be contained
relax, riddle doesn’t have scarlet fever, his face just does that. is it healthy? probably not.
is not the manager but when people ask for the manager they will call for riddle because he can do a better job
(if you hadn’t figured, the manager is cr*wley)
has the most monotone, dead customer service voice
if someone forgets to fill the coins or fails to lock up, you will be put on janitor duty to think about what you’ve done
understandably, it’s very effective
do not let him train the newbies. he thinks telling the instructions once/reading the employee handbook (THAT HE VOLUNTARILY MADE. insane man.) will prepare them.
the reigns of training deuce and ace were then very quickly passed off to someone else
riddle gives emotional support hugs to kalim and cusses out the people who are mean to him with the fury of a thousand suns
if he weren’t so competent, he would’ve been fired
(he wouldn’t have been fired. cr*wley doesn’t want to hire new people)
he’s learning recipes from lilia on their break. after his attempt at soup gave him the flu, he has not tried to learn recipes from lilia since
a bit concerned by the screaming children. he’s never been surrounded by children his age so he thinks the scream-laughter is like a call for help
Trey
when he burns the batches of cookies he feeds them to the workers and tells them its the double chocolate chip cookies
the staff believe him because he’s never really done anything wrong
except for that ungodly amount of spare dental products in their staff washroom
normal people have toilet paper in the cupboard but their staff washroom has toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss, all labeled with everyones names
no one knows who brought them, one day the cupboard was just full, but since trey keeps telling people to brush their teeth after eating the cookies it isnt hard to find out who did it
now because of him, if anyone runs out of toilet paper in the bathroom they need to text a co-worker to hand them another roll
trey finds the strongest types of coffee combinations for silver, but is getting increasingly concerned by the amount of espresso shots getting put into the cup
he will also coordinate group outfits for halloween or gift exchanges during the holidays
during the spooky season, you will find a free toothbrush in your bag or happy meal box
just... don’t ask
it was either that or licorice because trey clover is a black licorice enjoyer
Cater
makes promotional tiktok videos during his shift
specifically a “come with me to work ^^” videos where he films some things that can definitely get them in trouble. the words “health code violation” makes up 40% of the comments
hogs the stall bathrooms to break down and cry and send crying streaks to malleus
malleus hasnt learned how to use the app (yet) so cater has been treating their dms like his personal diary
he leaves sticky notes on the bathroom mirrors, lockers, and on the inside of the drivethru window saying some live laugh love kinda shit to mock trey’s white mom home decor
rook scribbles his own little stick figures of trey on them and adds speech bubbles
ace gives him the idea of summoning a demon at work and cater hopped on that without hesitation now there is a pentagram made of silly string on the wall of the bathroom
when taking orders he puts any additional notes in all caps. now deuce is staring at the order with the notes “NO DAIRY OR SHE WILL BLOW UP OUR TOILET” and “IF ACE FORGETS THE SAUCE AGAIN IM MAKING HIM CLEAN THE PLAYPLACE”
because of everyone’s incompetency, the receipt will contain these notes. sorry martha
when the manager had arrived to evaluate them, you will not find a single cater in sight
cay cay is slay slaying in hiding
Ace
hes the guy you should blame for never getting your dipping sauce or missing part of your order
he does trick shots in the back and if it lands in the bag, you get your stuff, if it doesn’t, rip
“i’m sorry you want how many chicken nuggies?? 200?? okay, word. wish i could spend that much on chicken nuggies”
will return bitch energy in the drivethru
he absolutely plays a game with deuce over if the person in the mic sounds hot or not
cater started that game, then he was kicked out for flirting with the customers
fortunately for the customers and staff alike, ace does not flirt with the customers
when someone asks for the manager he’ll walk away, then come back and speaks in a different voice and accent and cusses them out
kicked off from doing drivethru after he played cupcakke songs on there
he was raving over those minion happy meals and loved those banana cookies
it was a mistake to ask ace to do card tricks on their break because the items they gave up for the trick have disappeared
so sorry idia, your limited edition trading card will not be in safe hands
bribes the children with the happy meal toys for them to start calling riddle ronald mcdonald
riddle has no proof it’s ace’s doing but He Knows.
Deuce
he wanted to raise money to send back to his mama
how much money hes actually raising through this job though? is not a lot
brews riddle tea every morning just the way he likes it and he gets a premium riddle smile in return
takes so much time to count coins pls be patient with him
don’t tell azul, but if you’re nice, he will not charge you for any extra sauce or toppings
he “doesn’t know where the button is” wink wink
the only one who likes the easter egg mcflurries. when jack has free time, he will make one for himself and deuce and they chill on his break
(deuce doesn’t tell jack he’s still on the clock, and jack doesn’t tell deuce that he prefers oreo mcflurries more)
once got into a fight with ace over whether fish fillets were good or not and deuce threw a ketchup bottle hard enough to knock ace out cold
he apologized profusely but all ace cared about was how to throw like deuce. (he’s got some grudges and yes deuce received a ketchup bottle to his head)
in the back, you’ll find the rookies playing with that seasons happy meal toys joyfully
deuce defends the happy meal books with his life even though none of his friends agree
its okay deuce they’re just jealous they can’t read /j
Leona
cheka filled in the mcdonalds application for leona after seeing the happy meal toys
he thinks working at mcdonalds would cheer up his unca
it does not
leona would really prefer if you just ordered at the kiosks
works drivethru and terrorizes everyone there
“can i get a umm..” “im sorry we don’t sell ‘umms’ we also don’t sell to people who cant speak properly”
dreads when he sees a group of teenagers in line. they have the most balls and he can only be recognized as the “prince working at mcdonalds” so many times before he starts throwing hands
refuses to wear the uniform properly. comes in with the most patterned ass fucking shirts. im talking leopard print, stripes, polka dots, pineapples. he’s an uncle and he dresses like one. see exhibit a
if it wasn’t a safety hazard he would also wear those uncle slippers so he can slip them off and hit malleus with them. this is the 4th time the ice cream machine is broken and cheka wants a mcflurry.
the slippers are also for his dogs to scare off judgy karens RUFF RUFF ARF BARK WOOF
stopped passing his work off to other people after vil tried to shave him bald. he shudders from the memory of the buzzing razor
Ruggie
he steals a fry before putting it in your bag
obsessively counting his earnings and will notice if he is getting paid less
makes him a very efficient cashier. if you give him strictly coins he will curse you on the inside but he’s quick to organize them all and give you the change
he also does not make you feel awkward when you’re taking longer to pay. there’s nothing to apologize for, go take ur time. helping leona has built up a looooot of patience in this guy
goes outside for his breaks, picks dandelions and makes wishes to PLEASE GET A PAY RAISE.
he wants to gtfo of this job he lives too far away from his grandma
some kid wanted their birthday at mcdonalds and ruggie personally went out to get lots of decorations for their special day
the place was filled with balloons and streamers and ruggie got floyd to dress like a clown to entertain the kids
the staff fr thought ruggie was taking revenge on them bc everyone was BEGGING to be the clown in fear of floyd being placed with the kids
ruggie knows floyd is great with kids but pretended he was the worst option for the Drama™
also because floyd bribed him with a wendy’s combo to do so. they both went to wendy’s after
he IS the christian autumn girl you WILL find him wearing infinity scarves and cardigans and uggs on the first day of september brandishing a PSL he bought with the card he stole from leona
when the staff had gotten enough of cr*wleys antics, lilia takes his car for a joy ride and treats everyone to the fountain soda. sorry, we kinda on a budget here
(ruggie pats his pocket in pride, cr*wleys credit card snug in place)
Jack
very devoted worker
believes that even if he hates his job, he can still be good at it
panics when a karen asks him why the ice cream machine isnt working but what kind of logical explanation can you give someone who won’t listen?
asks riddle to take care of it
yes those are his real ears no you may not touch them
sick and tired of hearing the jacob from twilight comparisons
jack thinks hes accumulated at least 3 mental illnesses from working here and it’s only been a few months
he’s put in the back to prepare orders instead of interacting with people which he appreciates very much. he’s kinda awkward, and people ask questions that make him uncomfortable
gets the orders out in record time. he wants them done and gone with
when vil is having another one of his meltdowns, they send jack to calm him down
the staff think jack have this magical healing power but really he just pat pats vil on the back and gives him some lemon water.
they go out for walks if they have time and take pictures of nature and vil tells him about the plants
A+ therapy buddy, now vil needs a therapy buddy for his therapy buddy
Azul
after his plan on leaving the job failed he has a new goal: overthrow the company
even in minimal wage misery, azul will find a way to come out on top
he already is holding something over cr*wley in nrc, he will hold something over the bird man again to get a higher salary
he makes the bird raise all of their salaries actually, because he’s very generous
as thanks for his effort, he takes 2% of their earnings and no one puts up much of a fight because any salary increase in this job will do
azul may have started a revolution but he is not our comrade </3
he does not take breaks. its the sigma male grindset forever. until he’s forcibly dragged away from his coffee and his new menu additions
mans the cashier and refuses to give up his spot. customers either love him or hate him
he is constantly trying to get people to buy more food and he’s terribly good at convincing them
customers don’t know they pulled out their wallet until they already paid
he practices his charisma in the bathroom mirror. he has cue cards, and they all dictate his persona to the smallest detail.
riddle walks in just needing to pee and sees azul pulling out the shittest posh accent and language and is way too tired to care. but azul does get some tips and he walks out a little more confident
Jade
wouldve worked longer as the janitor if the washrooms werent so fucking disgusting
hey, you get to hear lots of stuff when you’re cleaning the place
most people do not acknowledge the janitor, so information gets tossed around without a care
helps kids fill their cups at the drink station, helps them put on the drink lids properly too
helps azul make bots to give this mcdonalds good reviews, specifically mentioning their names and how helpful they are <3 listen, a bitch is desperate
in case someone is getting really annoying, jade reminds everyone that the bleach is in the bottom of the supply closet
to threaten? to drink? to poison? no one knows and jade likes being cryptic
teams up with lilia to make new menu suggestions. they aim to make one recipe that finally gets the OK
hey, mushroom oatmeal is a good idea! don’t kick it till you try it!
floyd got fed up once jade snuck mushrooms in his burger as revenge so they started a fight over the tables
there was hair pulling, shouting, biting, and a chair was thrown
apparently this is one of the tamer fights?? the only children are horrified
they’re lucky it was late because they got into big trouble with manager riddle
“big trouble” lasted about 5 minutes because floyd kept repeating “why”. with riddle’s attention on floyd, jade snuck out
thank you for your sacrifice
Floyd
the only reason hes not doing food prep jobs is to hide the fact that hes playing in the playplace
when his coworkers try to look for him he slithers in and hides in the tubes
when asked to look for a floyd, the kids cant point him out because he never tells them his name
is absolutely the ronald mcdonald mascot. he shows up in costume when he feels like it and it’s like watching the strangest joker sequel ever
does shitty magic tricks and turns off all the lights to entertain the children. staff hate him.
once the radio stopped working so floyd brought it upon himself to bring a few hula hoops and starting hula hooping while walking and singing lady gaga
he brings in random shit to do trick shots and he moves around via hoverboard/skates at all times
he has an old lysol container he uses as his water bottle. to this day, floyd has managed to convince ace that drinking lysol will make you immortal
kicked off of the register because he will not shut his mouth. please stop hitting on customers and please stop calling people snowflakes, no matter how much they deserved it
he’s good at preparing drivethru orders even though he’s playing on his phone most of the time
(he’s texting kalim. all of them run like 3AM thoughts or shower thoughts)
Kalim
his union birthday card makes him look like a mcdonalds worker
don’t let him work in the drive thru he shouts
always hands you your food with “have a great day!”
if you are the most awful person and complain about kalim he responds with a hearty “aw shucks, sorry ‘bout that”. and while he bounces back quickly, how dare you.
he is the one that breaks the ice cream machine all the time
he Does Not Know how to operate it yet he is always the one there when someone needs ice cream
he brought sprinkles one time for the impromptu staff ice cream party he declared, but now customers think sprinkles are on the menu
he doesn’t have the heart to say they aren’t on the menu, so he personally buys sprinkles for this specific location
goes all out during parties. he will bring in a cotton candy maker and popcorn poppers and holiday treat bags
kalim drowning in riches, why is he here??
cater complained he was lonely, so kalim joined him.
they‘re always blasting the latest tunes in the back and treating tasks like a suggestion
but how can you get angry at the big, beaming smile on kalims face?
Jamil
the most efficient worker
hes so calm. hes used to stupid people.
uses his internal monologue to stay sane.
he looks aloof on the outside but he is actually screaming on the inside. everything is on fire. the floor is lava and there are no platforms.
highkey just complies to the crazy demands these bitches make because he has no energy nor mental capacity to try to reason with these people
however, he remembers every single face and name and it is going into his personalized death note
he’s on volume nine now
before jade and lilia propose their ideas to azul, they have to run it by jamil first. and jamil deems all their ideas as a one way ticket to a poison control centre
because none of them are reliable, jamil writes the numbers and names of emergency services on sticky notes and slaps them everywhere beside caters stickies
theres numbers for helplines, poison control, pest control, and electrical maintenance
leona used one of them to write down contact information for a hitman (it is rook’s number)
jamil uses that number to call for help. it is life threatening matter (it was a cockroach)
jamil nearly whacks azul with a broom for being in the storage supply
azul hid there because alas, it is a small world and his bullies in grade school are now his customers
jamil, being a decent human being, chooses not to spritz him with rubbing alcohol and gives him some awkward reassurance
unfortunately, it works, and now jamil is azul’s emotional support human and the staff send him to find azul every time
jamil is getting an aneurysm
Vil
where vil wouldve ended up had he actually murdered neige
if a customer asks whats in their food he will give you a whole essay on where it came from, how it got transported, how its prepped, made, seasoned, and the nutritional value
he’s never felt greasier in his life. he’s gone through all of his oil blotting papers on the first week. what the hell is in the air
his makeup looks immaculate every day, its to cover up the look of “i just got my life sucked out” as soon as he clocked in
the radio doesn’t actually break. vil just mutes it whenever neige is starring in a new movie because that is all the radios will talk about.
speaking of neige, if he and his little dwarves come in, vil will tell them he’s having a wonderful time and that this job is good for experience
if he had fewer morals he would be putting rat poison in cr*wleys morning coffee
he excuses himself to go in the storage closet and scream. epel joins him and it’s their biweekly bonding activity
very patient with the children and talks to them with an air of grace. he accepts suggestions for the types of movies they want to see him in
quarrels with leona daily. he gets called ugly, then vil’s heel will meet his toes. vil may be dignified but that doesn’t make him any less petty
sadly for leona, cheka loves vil and will tell his unca to be nicer to the pretty man
vils “yeah leona, be nice” earns him a very mature middle finger from leona
will refuse to even give this establishment clout. has their company account blocked.
after fans see vil on caters vlogs, vil changes the password to the company account so no one can post on it again.
his true villain arc
Rook
he used to work as the janitor because he was immaculate at cleaning but the staff put him on register instead
he’s very good at appeasing people
if a customer asks whats in the bigmac he will give you a whole thesaurus but will not actually tell you whats in it or where its from
he will compliment everyone that walks up to his register. in fact, even if he didn’t speak to you, he will yell across the room and say your skin looks radiant today
his compliments are not normal, they range from “your teeth are so straight” to “you smell different...oh, you must’ve went to the walmart down the street!”
after enough complaints, vil gives rook a stern talk
it works, but now theres a new problem arising
he’s been collecting leonas hair
it wasn’t “serious” enough of a problem to take action, but leona is preparing a restraining order
helps train the newbies the most. epel and ortho love him, which means the entire group has to
ortho follows him around asking him random questions every day because he thinks rooks answers are unconventional. he’s collecting data to help idia make friends!
Epel
all of his spare shipment of apples actually go to mcdonalds
since cr*wley doesn’t want to pay for apples he finds this the cheaper option and gives epel a slight payraise for it
epel sends the money to his mama
azul is Very Jealous.
do NOT let epel man the register he WILL throw hands.
even with his pronoun pin, bitches will still use the wrong pronouns and he Will Get Physical!
stop asking him for his number, he will cuss you out and insult your breath
also keeps tabs on these customers and writes them down on their clipboard. sebek is in on this and will very Loudly cuss out these people if they harrass epel again
he has been reported to the manager at least once a week but he can’t get fired bc cr*wley needs those applys
congrats epel, you got privilege
teams up with ace to prank the staff. they replace the coffee machine with coke cola and move everyones belongings in the wrong lockers
he brings scented candles into the washrooms, vil brings the lighter. they accidentally trigger the fire alarm but they sit there calmly staring at the candle wick
gets swarmed during the holidays because he has to help azul write down recipes (absolutely not the family recipes. those are secret) for the seasons.
because of this he spends lots of time with azul and learns a lot about him. now azul has 2 emotional support humans
makes emotional support apple cider for azul. favouritism acquired!
Idia
is banging the door to the bathroom cater is hogging and cater lets him in they lock the door and cry together
when a customer throws down a bunch of coins idia debates jumping off a building
why the hell does this customer want mcdonalds to do the catering to their party
he IS the one silently judging everyone but he thinks everyone is silently judging him too
kids love to point at his hair and ask to touch it
please do not touch his hair. few people ever get close enough to touch him. idia will break down
they want 100 hashbrowns? damn bitch who is you feeding? idia cant fathom someone having that many friends
he quits being the cashier and decides to work as a janitor instead. at least no one will look or talk to him
he enjoys being the janitor but he soon finds out that people are heckin nasty. the messes he cleans up are ones he never thought would come from grown ass adults
once a kid dropped her toy and idia (after cursing his life and gathering all his courage) picked it up for her, and the little girl loved his hair so much. now he has the nickname of “flame princess” from adventure time
pulling for his favourite characters on his break as lilia makes summoning rituals for them
they work, so now lilia is invited to every kind of gacha pull idia does. he boosts the SSR rates up 10%!
Ortho
declining cards of people who laugh at idia for stuttering
he finds their cars, their addresses, their jobs, everything about these people. they’re prepared just in case idia wants them :)
ortho encourages rook to fly a arrow through their car windows
they have a swear jar and ortho funds it the most
absolutely steals some of the happy meal toys for himself and idia to play with
bonding with street cats and people of all ages
people think ortho is a walking ad for mcdonalds bc he invites them to visit his workplace, but he’s conducting exposure therapy for idia. these are friends you havent met yet!
technically he is under apprenticeship training but poses as an employee to get money
he wants the new PS5 👉👈
whenever vils new movies comes out, ortho prepares an entire fan review to discuss with vil. he’s his biggest fan!
vil takes the feedback and gives ortho candy as thanks for his support
ortho is the staff favourite and he even gets extra tips because of his cute face
gets convinced to give azul a dollar for every board game he plays with idia
Malleus
lilia told him this was summer camp
lurks around, says hi to people. wants to befriend idia but idia thinks mal is messing with him
one of the few who get to hear riddle bitching about his job. he doesn’t really understand, but is a good listener
will ask cater how to work the social medias and cater makes mal swear to not open his magisnap
malleus doesn’t even know what that is and apologized to cater for opening up his magicam page </3
sebek fr breathing down his neck and the only place to hide from him is in the bathroom
he finds cater and idia there crying in the corner and he joins them to fit in
they are now an unofficial group of social outcasts and they occasionally meet up to play pokemon (mal watches)
he’s in charge of refilling the ice but he just??? disappears from his shift midway??? and now theres no ice bc they’re too busy cleaning up the fucking silly string in the bathroom
people avoid him so he just does work in the back
and by work in the back i mean he’s terrorizing leona while he’s terrorizing the customers
he’s stuck on tray washing duty bc it is too dangerous for him to do anything else
he is very unsafe near the hot oil, he practices no safety procedures near the hot steam and water.
maybe it’s best to put him on ice cream machine duty... it’s always broken anyways
Lilia
hes experienced so many things in his long long life but he hasnt experienced customer service before
prefers this over being in the military actually
kids love to point out the little bat ears on his head
decorated the place for halloween one year but then it was transferred to azul because the skeletons hanging from the ceiling were scaring the children and the (fake..??) blood in the back was scaring the staff
do not be frightened by watching him drink ketchup in the back, he just Does That
babies literally everyone and everyone (reluctantly) calls him dad as revenge
it was weird at first but now lilia is asserting his new dad status and performing the most bass boosted, earth shattering sneezes known to man
on one of his dad status days, lilia goes “relax my sons, i am only fucking one of your mothers.”
silver doesn’t even know his mother but he dies a little anyways
if given a burger, he picks out the tomatoes and pickles and eats them. jamil is kind of horrified
he keeps making new suggestions to the menu but after the third rejection of turkey-tomato-cookie sandwiches, he cooks all the employees lunch every month to show off his spectacular culinary skill
the next staff meeting, they tell lilia to stop limiting his cooking to just them, as it should be “shared to the world on the secret menu”
Silver
was also signed up for ‘summer camp’
naps on the clock but is an excellent worker for the night shift
yeah this might have been his seventh cup of coffee today and yeah maybe that’s concerning but dw it’s nothing a few bathroom breaks can’t fix
riddle is staring in horror
very chill, never sounds stressed, and gets everything out at a reasonable time
only thing to complain about is that he gives an ungodly amount of napkins for no reason
the environment is dying singlehandedly because of silver giving you six napkins for a single ice cream cone
sings to himself to keep himself awake and it soothes the staff so much
on the less busy hours of the night shift, silver tutors deuce on science
as thanks, deuce offers to take silver to a build-a-bear
they get matching bunnies they both respectfully name “max” & “ruby”
silver and ruggie have a wordless agreement to cover each others shifts when the other is busy
they don’t hang out outside of work but they are ride or die on the clock
lilia is a Proud Father
Sebek
when he answered the why do you want to work here question he truly meant every word of “because i care about the company and its values” with his whole chest
was transferred to work drivethru because he was angering the customers but now he’s blowing up the speakers
if you ever wonder why your burger is so flat it’s because sebek uses so much force when wrapping it you’d think he was personally insulted by the burger itself
too much energy. he will always forget your ketchup and sauce packets bc he is speedrunning all of your orders
straight up locks the doors in front of your face and glares at you for trying to come in at 8AM on a monday
loudly chatting with trey about the importance of brushing your teeth because trey is the only one that will talk to him /j
sebeks too loud so any kind of secret or gossip cant be shared with him
leona absolutely hates being in his presence but will spread rumours about rook stealing dna to make voodoo dolls to sebek so everyone’s eyes will be on rook
now leona has free bodyguards
he is the only person to order off of lilias “secret menu” to see him happy
sebeks life expectancy rate is declining by the day
Tagging the skrunklies!! Thank you for your excitement :D
@spadecentral @ruggiethethuggie @mellyteddy @theheavilyindulgentgoat
#tried to make everyone interact with each other at least once#the most shitposty shitpost i have made in ages#twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland headcanons#riddle rosehearts#trey clover#cater diamond#ace trappola#deuce spade#leona kingscholar#ruggie bucchi#jack howl#azul ashengrotto#jade leech#floyd leech#kalim al asim#jamil viper#vil shoenheit#rook hunt#epel felmier#idia shroud#ortho shroud#malleus draconia#lillia vanrouge#twst silver#sebek zigvolt
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What is the gift card story?
Oh boy.
So when this happened, I worked at a Kiehl's. To those who don't know, it's a luxury skincare company that charges 80 bucks for a tub of moisturizer. Not even the specialty kind, either. It's honestly stupid overpriced for what it is except for a very small list of products and discount sets and I do not recommend it now that I'm no longer working there and can give my honest opinion of it.
The company also tries to feel special to embarrassing extents. They made us do this service where we'd basically sit you down and stick this machine to your cheek that was basically a flaw finder and we'd spend half an hour telling you everything wrong with you in an attempt to get you to drop 300 dollars on a 6 step routine. In all honesty, just wash your face, moisturize, and use sunscreen if youre going out in the sun. You don't need a 145 dollar anti aging serum, you cant permanently reverse aging, that's not how the science works, and aging isn't a curse or a sign of lesser worth anyway. It's a blessing not afforded to most. The stuff they claim they're "reversing" are usually just skin dehydration side effects. You get the same results from a run of the mill moisturizer. If your acne's persistent and uncomfortable then retinol serums do actually work for that, but don't fuck your self esteem by convincing yourself you need retinol to keep wrinkles from forming. It's not worth it, you'll end up with an empty wallet and depression and none of the lasting results you were promised the second you stop using it.
Anyway, we got quite an entitled customer base because of the combination of unaffordable price gouging and these frilly free services that made them feel special for 30 minutes of their disconnected bourgeois lives. The kind of people who think that theyre better than the employees because they got lucky enough to have a rich husband or nepotism'ed their way into high paying positions and convinced themselves that they're self-made. A lot of them im convinced only spent that much money because they could.
So one day this lady comes in and buys a hand cream. Shes a little rude and off-putting but whatever, she's not yelling at me over prices i cant control so pick your battles, right? I ring it through, ask how's she's paying, she says visa. I hand her the machine. She goes through the whole thing. It gets approved, I give her her reciept and say "have a nice day~!" to which she growls "why didn't you take my gift card?!"
This caught me off-guard, and I kinda blinked vacantly at her and went "I... w-what?"
She takes out a gift card from her wallet, which at no point she showed me or made me aware she had, and said "why didn't you take my gift card?!"
With all the self-control I can muster, I say "I... was not made aware that you had one, ma'am."
Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say. She started staring at me like she wanted me dead. Started going off about how the customer is always right and demanding a full refund while still keeping the hand cream. I told her that this is very much not a scenario where that would be appropriate.
Adult temper tantrum ensues. She calls me stupid and says that I clearly don't know anything. My eye is starting to twitch, and my manager on duty catches this interaction and gracefully saves me from cussing out a bitch by taking over and running a return, followed by a second transaction with the gift card as payment.
You wanna know how much was on it?
Two dollars.
Two fucking dollars. She pulled that shit and called me stupid and started throwing a temper tantrum over TWO. DOLLARS. In a store that charges FORTY for that bottle of hand cream. If you're dropping forty fucking dollars on hand cream in the middle of an inflation crisis worse than that America is going through, you can afford to swallow a toonie. If you're shopping there in 2023, you're not struggling enough that two dollars is a legitimate concern, you know very well what you're doing here, and I'm not gonna fucking have that as someone who was struggling to get by on 16 an hour.
So I got her banned from the store. Fuck off and die, toonie gift card lady.
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You're writing is so cute! If requests are open may I request a scenario where Characters Riddle, Kalim, and Azul meet their fiancé? Like arranged marriage AU!
Aligning The Stars
in which you, a busy person are tied to an arranged marriage and so, the first time you meet them was unexpected for you and marked as the best day in your calendar.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
bcs this is my first request, i hope it meets your expectations ! im still trying to figure out what to put for the rules of requests and i might’ve also overwritten these scenarios. anyway, enjoy <3
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
⊹˚︵‿₊˚ʚɞ˚₊‿︵˚⊹
ʚɞ ～ ❝ 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒 ❞
╰‧₊˚ riddle rosehearts, kalim al-asim, azul ashengrotto x fem!mc
Bakes For You, a bakery shop handled by (y/n) and two of her friends, ace trappola and deuce spade. for the past few days, the shop has received a lot of requests from birthday cakes to farewell cakes too. as a professional baker, she managed to keep up with the deadlines and delivered a great service to her customers.
(y/n) who's in her early 20s was set up in an arranged marriage by her parents with a nobleman's son, most likely her father's friend. because of her packed schedule, (y/n) had told her parents that she wont have time to find someone for her to spend the rest of her life with.
"goodbye, sweethearts. OH, before i forget. put it under the name riddle rosehearts, thats his name." they bid her mom who placed an order for her wedding a nice goodbye as she exited the shop, leaving behind a note. boy, just by looking at the note, her heart raced faster than usual.
“riddle rosehearts. riddle. riddle rosehearts. rosehearts. mr riddle rosehearts. mrs (y/n) rosehearts.” she muttered, giggling to herself at how silly she was.
who would've thought its finally her time to enjoy a marriage life? but with a stranger whom she never met. she shook away the curiosity and went back to the kitchen to start working on the order.
two days went by smoothly as the shop got busier than before. the day of her weeding drew closer too. (y/n) locked the door behind her, closing her shop for the door when she suddenly, she heard footsteps coming her way. who could it be? turning around, her eyes met with a pair of ash grey iris of a man dressed in a formal suit. they shared a look for a moment before looking away in unison. "good evening, miss. seems like your shop closed the moment i got here. i was wondeing if i could take order under the name riddle rosehearts?"
"oh, my apologies. since its a wedding cake, i was tasked to set it up on the venue tomorrow. but im guessing youre mom's assistant. may i know your name? i could tell mom about this matter." she spoke, hoping to know his name at least. she scanned the male standing before her. his eyes were red and so was his hair. but he dressed very well, maybe a nobleman? but why would her mom picked an expensive looking man to be her assistant?
the male's eyes widen, shocked at the way she's addressing him, "no, dont mind about it. i'll be going now." and so he hastily walked back into his car.
“wait! at least, your name?”
he smiled at her, “riddle rosehearts, i’ll see you at the ceremony tomorrow then.” zooming away from the street and disappearing into the darkness of the night. truth be told, (y/n) felt a familiar sense of happiness the moment they locked eyes just now. without paying attention to the situation, she went home to rest for her wedding tomorrow but she couldnt stop thinking about him
“so thats riddle rosehearts. i wonder if he knew about the wedding.” oh but little did she knew, she managed to spark some fancy from him making the male blushed so hard that he couldnt focus his eyes on the road.
“gosh, shes so cute.” he noted, clearing her throat before continuing his drive.
"hurry up, kalim. we dont have much time."
"jamil, wait! i need to buy a gift for my future wife."
the two buddies went out to the bazaar that day to search for something needed for the dinner preparation. kalim was told to marry the Land of Sand's famous businesswoman named (y/n). speculations said that she's the nation's sweetheart.
dragging his friend past the crowds at the bazaar, they stopped in front of a huge shop building. from the glass windows, the inside was decorated with extravagant chandelier and modern setup of displays for what seems to be bottles and packs of perfumes. jamil was about to say something but was taken aback by kalim who continued to drag him into the shop.
greeted by how good the smell of the shop is, they couldnt help but to take a long around the shop. “jamil, what do you think? do you think (y/n) will like this?”
“searching for a gift for someone special?” suddenly a voice came from the second floor of the building. a lady with a purdah on to cover half of her face came down the stairs and walked towards them, greeting with her eye-smile.
“yes, im looking for a gift for my future wife. but its going to be my first time meeting her today so i dont know what she loves.”kalim explained as she listened to him carefully.
grabbing a glass jar from the shelves behind the two male, she showed it to kalim. “this is our new invention. its called a scented candle. when you lit this candle, it acts as a fragrance for the room its in. im sure your wife will love it.”
jamil nooded, most likely amazed. “we’ll take two of this then.”
after spending a long time at the bazaar, kalim and jamil reached the Al-Asim’s residence. they had to prepare for the joint dinner with Al-Asim’s family and the bride’s family. kalim who was excited before couldnt stand sitting in his room as he grew restless.
“nervous?”
“a little bit.”
“its time. lets go to the hall to greet them.”
the two of them walked down the corridor of the mansion, passing through several rooms and even the garden before reaching the door. the long haired male pushed open the door, revealing a long dinner table with lots of chairs. the food were looking so mouth-watering too. at the other end of the hall stood a group of people.
approaching the group, kalim spotted a familiar figure among the people. finally, theyre together with the group. jamil on the other hand facepalmed when he saw (y/n) standing next to her father. “ah, kalim. meet (y/n), shes the one i told you about.”
changing looks with (y/n), the white-haired male’ eyes widen but this time with a smile on his face. “pleasure to meet you again, (y/n). please take this. do you love it?”
(y/n) chuckled and gently accepted the gift from him, “i did tell you that your wife will love it, no? because i really love it, kalim.”
azul ashengrotto, the current owner of the well-known Mostro Lounge which had over 20 branches was rumored to marry a woman of his parents' choice. no wonder he's every girls ideal type. but the rumor really started a huge issue in social medias. speculations, gossips, old stories, you name it.
netizens went crazy over this. as for azul, its a good thing their parents managed to find the best bride for him despite their packed schedules. fiance or not, strangers or friends, he only hoped for one thing which is to be able to marry a woman who can accept him for who he is. and once the rumor calmed down for a bit, its finally an ideal time for the two parties to meet each other.
"azul, personally speaking from a friend of yours. you'll have to spend more time with your future wife more than doing business." jade who was one of azul's friend suggested to him. knowing how busy he was, marriage is a good way to keep him from working too hard and staying up until late night.
recalling back jade's word, his heart went restless and raced faster. is it really a good choice? upon entering the fancy restaurant he booked for the meeting, azul went to the receptionist to look for the reserved table and thus, he was brought by the waiter to a table full of people. his parents spotted him firstand stood up to welcome him. "we're so glad you could make it, azul dear."
"its only natural for me to attend this meeting, no? greetings, mr and mrs (l/n)." azul said, shaking hand with (y/n)'s father who pulled him into an unexpected embrace. standing next to him was (y/n) dressed in a beautiful purple dress.
(y/n) politely bowed to greet azul but was caught off guard when the male gently took her right hand, drawing it close to his lips as he placed a soft kiss on her knuckle. such a gentleman, she thought. "im honored to finally meet you, (y/n). i hope i dont keep you waiting."
"of course not, dont worry about it. i just arrived here too." she replied, smiling at azul who failed to control his excitement at how cute she was. she then gestured everyone to take their seats. dinner were served quicker than they expected and they enjoyed the evening, taking the opportunity to get to know each other better. he learned that (y/n) was also a businesswoman and this is certainly a chance to broaden his business with collaborations.
once the dinner was coming to its end, azul excused himself first from the gathering to go back to his office. "leaving already? at least bring her h-”
“who said im leaving her? i was about to take a night drive. care to join me, (y/n)?
they walked away from the parents and bid them goodbye before exiting the restaurant and walking towards azul’s car. for being a gentleman he was, azul helped her to get to the passenger’s seat before entering the car too. “so, why do you accept it?”
“the marriage? because i wa-’
“money? i can give you money and we can stop this marriage.”
it was unbelievable for (y/n) to hear that coming from azul ashengrotto. he realised his words too and sighed. he was harsh, he didnt know what has gotte into him. was it because he saw the worst in marriage life? or was it because marriage life will affect his business?
“i didnt say that. i never said that, azul. i accepted because i wanted to know you better. and to love you too. is that wrong? tell me, what part of wanting to love you and wanting your love is wrong in your eyes? i know we just met tonight but part of me wanted this arrange marriage to be considered based on love, and not just because its arrang-” (y/n) ranted out, getting furious and was about to say more when a pair of arms wrapped around her torso, pulling her into such tight and warm embrace. azul sighed, tightening the hug more.
“lets get married soon then.”
#twst#twst x reader#twsten#twst imagines#azul ashengrotto#riddle rosehearts#kalim al asim#azul x reader#riddle x reader#kalim x reader#twisted wonderland
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A Spell Please: Kili x Witch reader
Here is my entry for the 10th day of the 13 days of spooky writing event hosted by the wonderful @dumbassunderthemountain for the prompt of spell book. Sorry that I missed yesterday, I could not come up with an original idea around spiders that had not already been done. This is my first time writing for Kili so I hope I portrayed him okay.
You sighed as you pushed out a disgruntled costumer with a gust of wind from your wand. You ran a small business out of your cottage in the woods where you would perform spells for people for gold. You loved your job since it gave you the opportunity to use your gift of magic for good however there was downsides like in any profession. One of the hardest things about your job was denying customers who come in. You carried the belief that magic should only be used for good reason, so if someone wanted a spell for something you deemed an unpure cause you would gently deny the costumer service.
The door to your cottage pushed open and a hooded clock figure walked in. You could tell the figure was a male by his silhouette, but could decipher nothing else. He was short, but not to short to be non human, as well as not too tall to not be a dwarf. The figure looked around, and by his movements you could sense he was nervous, but why you thought.The figure walked over to you, making sure to keep their head turned down, their face clouded by shadow.
“Hello. Are you the witch who owns this place?” The figure asked. His voice confirmed your notion of the figure being male.
“That would be correct sir, may I be of service of you in anyway?” You politely spoke.
The figure looked around the room again, almost as if he was scared of being seen. “Yes, but would you umm.. Is there any way to close the shop or talk in a different room? I can't have anyone seeing me here.” You quirked you're brow at his strange request but agreed nonetheless. You swayed your wand through the air making the bolt lock on your cottages door slide into place.
“There, now what may I help you with? I spell I presume.” You prompted.
The figure pulled down his hood to reveal a rather handsome face. “Yes I am looking for a hair growth spell.” The handsome male spoke, in a quiet tone almost as if he was embarrassed. You looked over him, a little taken aback by the request. This man had thick dark brown hair, he did not seem to have any need for a hair growth spell from what you could see.
“Is this a spell for a friend? If so they must come here themselves.” You responded.
“No umm, its for me.. You see, I need a beard, I won't be respected without one... I can pay you whatever you ask, I am a prince i can afford what ever price you name. “ The prince rambled.
It then clicked, this man was no man at all but a dwarf. That was the only culture you knew of where a beard would correlate to respect. You were talking to a dwarven prince.
“Do you only wish for a beard to gain respect?” You asked.
The prince nodded his head, cheeks red with shame of having to cheat to grow a beard.
“Im sorry sir, I must deny your request.” You explained.
“What why? I will pay you anything please.” The dwarf begged.
You sighed, almost wanting to give in to his pleads.”You should not want to change yourself for anyone but you. You want this spell to please other people, when you should only seek to please yourself.“ You elaborated.
“But i do want it for me, without a beard I won't be attractive, no girl will ever love me and I will continue to be the laughing stock of my people. What sad excuse of a dwarven prince can't grow a beard?” The dwarf begged.
“that's not for you, that's for those around you. You are already plenty handsome, if a girl can't see that she's blind.” You quickly responded pink painting your cheeks as you processed what you just said.
“y-you think im handsome?” The dwarf spoke, shock evident in his voice.
You nodded your head, suddenly becoming shy. A smirk grew on the dwarfs face and he suddenly was imbued with confidence on a snap.
“The names Kili! And what is the beautiful maidens name?” Kili flirted. You chucked at his change in demeanor but responded. You and Kili ended up talking until the moon came into the sky and he had to leave. From then on out Kili would visit your shop weekly just to talk to you, an unexpected love blossoming and the Dwarvin princes confidence growing no longer paying mind to the teasing words that surrounded him among his people.
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15, 16, 20, 29 for any character of your choosing :3
UR EVERYTHING OHMYGOD lets go im going to go with hmmm kalyani das bc im very attached to her <3
OOOH quick character profile b4 i start though
15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?
for kalyani she usually HAS to rehearse what shes going to say especially if shes talking to people in customer service HELP she wont go anywhere unless she knows exactly what she has to say as the one talking (and she'll usually botch it up somehow in a very minor way that doesn't effect anything but she'll keep thinking about it so </3) but if shes with people who ALSO cant talk, she automatically takes over w/o rehearsing as the person whos talkative. when shes hungry/angry/not thinking, words will come out of her mouth whether they be scathing or hilarious and she has no control over them. (i TOLD yall shes my projection character like)
16. What makes their stomach turn?
on the surface: bland food. she cannot stand just plain salt and sugar and also hates food that makes her mouth feel sort of scratchy/itchy ish? (so apples, pineapples, bananas, cantaloupe, mangoes, etc.) she still eats mangoes though bc i thought ill give this one to my desi friends to make up for me <3
like otherwise: everything if she thinks too hard and spirals about it. JHDGSASFDK but mostly being left by everyone she knows. and thus she's constantly trying to overcompensate and prove why she should be kept through gifts, services, etc. she can't fathom the idea of people liking her without her being useful of some sort
20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?
HELP so shes aro and she can't really tell the difference between them since her family and friends are very affectionate with each other but after researching on her own and realizing she's aro she stoll has like VERY blurred lines but she tries to differentiate with colors like for example:
familial love to her is red and orange with slights of brown. the aroma of spices in the kitchen and hair getting washed braided and massaged with oil, like a warm hug and the steam from a mug of chai hitting your face. ^.^
platonic love is the cool colors of blue and green, a breath of fresh air, a nice breeze that wraps around her and lets the stress from her shoulders go as she lets go. like water hitting your face on a hot day of summer as you laugh and your eyes squeeze together in glee and joy. !!
romantic love is white. a blank slate of which she has no interest in finding out. she sees it all around her and it surrounds her like pristine air around you. she's fine with it and deems it important to others but shes fine with not knowing what it feels like <3
she also likes to explain to people that its all one soup. familial is cinnamon and cloves, and most of the spice, what makes a soup A SOUP bc w/o family or her found family she wouldn't be who she is; platonic is the broth and the meat/vegetables, what is most of the soup and how her friendships have shaped her and changed her for the better, and romantic is the tiny pinch of sugar we add, there but unnoticeable to her and unnecessary/necessary to some
this was so long HELP she (me) has thought long and hard about this <3
29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals?
despite her kind of nice and 'bubbly' attitude, she's a pessimist and although she had big dreams, involving her education and powers and just. wildish kiddish ideas she's gotten realistic especially since shes moved away from her parents and has kind of just. tried to make it through every day with a checklist of what she should keep in mind (like her family, her friends, her happiness, and feeling the sun on her skin) instead of focusing on how people around her are probably achieving what she wanted to once upon a time ago yk? so yes? but also no? HELP did i even answer this question sorry </3
ty for the ask jack i ADORE you !!! this was so fun to answer like omg !!!!!!
send me character asks !
#ask me anything#eesha's ocs#we'll keep that till i have a title or smth help#2 am ramblings#my post#jack tag
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first my gamer chair breaks and i have to deal w customer service getting it fixed and then my sister does something nice 4 me and buys me a new headset except it’s bluetooth so using it like a headset w good headphone quality and mic is just out of the question so now i have to try and go through returning that except i don’t think she included a gift receipt so i have to tell her “hey the thing you bought me is uhhhh bad can u start a return” and i don’t want to hurt her feelings and on top of all of this i couldnt sleep last night bc my arm hurts from my covid shot and my cats woke me up several hours early running around my room and refusing to stay out when i tossed them out and closed the door and my arm still hurts im just in low level pain all the time.
ok this has been carly’s 4am bitch fit <3
#i don't really Need a new headset. the wire on the one i have is a little frayed but i could just take some electrical tape to it.#the bluetooth is.... nice i guess but it is not built for Gaming.#im tired. im frustrated. my arm hurt. i need to go think about a man's tits.#carly.txt
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day 16: bad day
prompt from: whumptober (tho i misread the title and can’t post to the challenge but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i still like it)
pairing: felix x ace
notes: felix’s day goes from bad to neutral to Nice (tm). also everyone except david is a shitty person in this lmao.
warnings: implied emotional abuse, implied cheating, threat of violence
word count: 2900
It was official; this was the worst day of Felix’s life.
It shouldn’t have been. He should have been happy, maybe a little shocked and nervous, but definitely excited. Not anxious, scared and downright spiteful like he felt right now.
His girlfriend was pregnant. They hadn’t been trying, but she was excited to tell him regardless, already thinking of baby names and giving Felix no room to voice any of his doubts. He knew this was what he claimed he’d always wanted, what he knew his parents wanted for him, to continue the family name since he was the last of his line.
He took another swig of the foul-tasting beer and wondered if she’d done it on purpose. She’d been not-so-subtly hinting at marriage for months, and Felix had always brushed her off. Maybe this was her taking matters into her own hands, forcing Felix to commit to her or drag down both his family name and professional image for having a child out of wedlock.
He didn’t want to marry her because she always seemed way more fond of his money than Felix himself, and he didn’t want to have kids because…
Well. He hated children.
He probably should have brought up that particular piece of information sooner, but he wasn’t sure it would have even made a difference. Not to his parents, not to his girlfriend, and certainly not to the ungodly amount of distant relatives and business associates who kept bugging him about settling down and starting a family.
Because, for some reason, dedicating the last twenty years of his life to doing what other people wanted him to do wasn’t enough.
He’d stupidly believed it would get better. That the twelve-hour work days and countless all-nighters on uninspiring projects would eventually pay off, when in reality all it had lead to were more boring projects. He’d thought buying his girlfriend expensive gifts and taking her on weekly dates followed by the obligatory weekly sex would make them fall in love, but instead she was pushing him into commitments he wasn’t ready for.
He downed the rest of the beer and tried to numb out the suffocating feeling of being trapped. He was doomed to keep living his shitty life exactly the way others dictated, and there was nothing he could do to change his fate.
Maybe that’s why he’d chosen this bar. It wasn’t the usual high-end, after-hour cocktail bar next to his office where everyone would recognize him. It was a shitty sports bar owned and frequented by foreigners, where nobody would approach him to congratulate him on the “good news” after his girlfriend e-mailed his entire contacts list in her excitement.
He debated getting another beer, maybe finally being able to pick one that didn’t taste like piss. God, how sad was his life that the biggest act of rebellion he could come up with was getting drunk on cheap beer in a bad part of town?
Felix clutched the glass tighter in his hand, frustrated at his life but also at himself, how he was unable to do anything but play right into everyone else’s plans. Fuck, he needed to do something different, something he’d never even considered would be in the realm of possibilities for him. But what?
He looked around the bar, seeing a group of backpackers animatedly chatting in what sounded like Spanish. He could go travelling, but that wouldn’t accomplish much except buy him a little bit of time. Not to mention his girlfriend would guilt him until he let her come along.
He could always get blackout drunk and puke his guts out in the bathroom. Maybe get into a bar fight. Try to get his hands on some drugs. Hire a prostitute.
Unfortunately none of those things seemed even remotely more thrilling than the bland beer he’d been drinking the entire night.
Felix sighed and buried his face into his hands. For forty years, he’d kept telling himself he wasn’t like everyone else, that he’d do something meaningful in his life, that he was a risk taker and not a conformer.
And he still would; he just didn’t know what. If he only got a sign—
The door to the bar slammed open and Felix snapped his head up from the noise, his table rattling from the impact of the door hitting the wall.
There was a man, his grey hair and cheap suit both wet from the autumn rain, clutching something under his arm while panting like he’d just run a half marathon. He hurried to close the door, and Felix didn’t mean to stare, but it was the most exciting thing to happen all night.
The man caught Felix’s eye and gave a quick grin.
“You saw nothing,” he offered before running up to the bar.
“Don’t tell me ya fuckin’—” the bartender started, clear annoyance on his features.
“Oops, gotta run, I was never here!” the man offered good-naturedly before hopping over the bar and disappearing into the back.
“Ace for fuck’s sake!” the bartender cursed, yelling at the doorway to what had to be a back room or kitchen. Still, he made no move to follow him, instead sighing in agitation and aggressively started cleaning a couple of pint glasses.
Felix realized three things at once; one, the new customer screamed trouble. Two, he clearly knew the bartender. And three, Felix was intrigued.
He made his way to the bar with his empty glass, placing a ten euro bill on the worn wood that earned him a fresh glass of beer in only a couple of seconds. He appreciated that the bartender hadn’t tried to make small talk during the entire evening, and lamented the fact that he had to break the silence.
“Who is your friend?” Felix asked, trying to ignore the self-consciousness that always surfaced when he had to subject the world to his extremely obvious German accent.
“'Friend' is a strong word,” the bartender huffed in annoyance, though it seemed to be directed at the person they were talking about and not Felix. “'A pest who keeps comin' back like a boomerang no matter how many times I kick 'im out' sounds more fitting.”
Felix hummed in acknowledgement and sipped at his beer, deciding to sit down at the bar instead of returning to his table.
“He seems interesting,” Felix mused, trying to fish more information about the man.
Instead of humoring him, the bartender stopped cleaning the glasses and gave him an incredulous stare.
“You've gotta be fucking kidding me,” he deadpanned. “The hell's a guy like you see in a rat like 'im?”
“That wasn't what I meant,” Felix insisted, staring at his glass in embarrassment. He was just curious, he wasn't… interested, at least not that way. God, why could he never communicate properly? This is why he never tried anything new.
He heard the bartender sigh long and loud, like this wasn't the first time he'd had to put up with a similar situation.
“Look mate, whatever yer thinkin', don't,” he offered, like that was supposed to help Felix at all. “Guy's way more trouble than 'es worth, an' he sure as hell ain't here to make friends.”
Felix didn't have time to reply, not that he even knew what he would have said, before the door slammed open once again and heavy footsteps stomped into the bar.
“Oi!” the bartender shouted in annoyance. “Don't go draggin' mud into my bar!"
“Where is he?” one of the new patrons demanded in German, and his voice was threatening enough to make Felix glance over his shoulder at the new arrivals.
He saw a group of four men that looked like bad news, their cheap clothing and poorly made tattoos making Felix think of some lowly local gang.
“Read the sign, mate,” the bartender scoffed, pointing at a metal plaque in the style of a road sign that said ‘Service in English only’.
“What a fucking moron,” one of the thugs commented, not even attempting to switch languages.
“We know he's here!” the man at the front barked out and proceeded to slam a fist against the bar.
“I got no bloody clue what yer talkin' about!” the bartender claimed. “But if yer gonna come to my bar an' start a fight, so help me—”
"Let's just beat him up!” one of the men was getting impatient.
“For the last time, where is he!?” one of the thugs surged forward and grabbed the bartender by his collar.
“You've got the fuckin' wrong place, I dun know shit about what ya even want!” the bartender, to his credit, didn't even bat an eye. Then again, it looked like he could easily hold his own in a fight.
Felix heard a gasp and noticed one of the Spanish kids cower closer to the corner they were sitting in, observing the scene with fear in her eyes.
The tension in the air seemed like it was about to snap, and instead of making Felix want to bolt into the safety of his mansion, it made his adrenaline start pumping.
This was what he needed. A thrill.
“You heard the man,” Felix raised his voice, finally turning to address the group. “You're in the wrong place.”
“Shut the fuck up, this doesn't involve you!” one of them eloquently responded.
“It started involving me when you barged in and ruined my night,” Felix explained calmly despite feeling his palms start sweating from nervousness, years of faking an unphased persona finally coming to use.
“Okay, the fuck's your problem!?” the guy who seemed to be the leader demanded, finally letting go of the bartender in favor of looming over Felix threateningly.
“I said,” he emphasized, slowly lifting his pint glass to take a sip of his drink and flash his ring with the family insignia. “You've got the wrong place.”
There was a moment of silence when all Felix heard was his own heart beating in his ears, keeping his expression neutral and looking at the thugs like they were nothing more than a fleck of dirt on his expensive suit. Hopefully, they'd recognize the symbol, even if the Richters hadn’t been involved in the local underworld for years, not after the disappearance of his parents.
“The fuck is he on about?” one of the men, who looked to be the youngest, demanded. “Let's just beat them both up and—”
“Shut up,” the leader barked, glancing at Felix fleetingly. “We seem to have gotten lost on the way.”
Felix couldn’t help the smug smile.
“Happens to the best of us,” he said.
The group slowly started slinking out of the bar without further complaints, with Felix's eyes following them the entire time as if daring them to protest.
“Sorry for bother,” one of them even offered to the bartender in questionable English before the door closed after them.
“I'll be damned,” the bartender huffed and crossed his arms, giving Felix a look that could generously be described as somewhat impressed. Felix offered a shaky smile in return before he focused all his attention on staring at the surface of the bar and trying not to tremble from fear as the adrenaline left his body. He hoped it wasn’t obvious he was taking unnecessarily deep breaths and that cold sweat was running down his back under the suit.
That had been the most idiotic thing he had ever done. It was stupid, it was dangerous, and unnecessary and—
And he'd never felt such a rush of absolute victory before.
There was a thud as a beer was placed in front of him, and he glanced up to see the bartender smirking at him.
“It's on the house,” he said in a heavily accented but otherwise fluent German.
Well. It seemed this night was just full of surprises.
Soon after, Felix found himself sitting in a corner booth nursing his two beers. For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt good, and it wasn’t just from the alcohol buzzing in his system.
He’d proved to himself that he had balls. He was one wrong move away from ending up in a bar fight, and even that thought didn't make him cower in fear like it would have before. Despite never being in a fight before, his confidence was soaring, and he liked to imagine him and the bartender could have easily taken the four thugs.
And then his night only got better as a handsome stranger slid down into the opposite side of the booth.
“So, King told me you saved my ass just now,” the man said with a charming smile, casually leaning closer and propping his chin up on his elbow like they were old friends catching up.
It took Felix longer than he'd like to recognize the man as the one that caught his attention earlier. Without the baseball cap, sunglasses and cheap suit jacket, he cleaned up rather well, dressed in a simple light pink button-up and jeans. Slightly messy, silver hair was a stark contrast to the mischievous brown eyes and almost youthful, cocky smirk on his face.
Felix suddenly realized why the bartender thought he was interested in more than just the man's colorful personality.
“I suppose that's true,” Felix said after a way longer silence than was socially acceptable, but his companion was courteous not to mention anything.
“Well, whether you meant to or not, you have my thanks!” the man grinned good-naturedly. “I would have bought you a beer, but I see David's already got you covered,” he added, gesturing to the two pints where Felix was still working through his first.
“Yes, it's…” Felix started, debating whether he should be honest about his distaste for the drink or not. Fuck it, drunk and brave had worked earlier. “A shame it doesn't make it taste any better.”
The man barked out a laugh and Felix smiled at the success of his joke.
“I know, right?” his companion snickered. “I keep telling him to mix it up, maybe get some nice wines too, but he insists on importing that awful stuff the Brits call beer.”
Felix smiled politely, not knowing what to add to the statement. Regardless of what the bartender—David?—had claimed before, the two definitely seemed to be friends.
“I'm sorry, where are my manners!” the man suddenly seemed to realize, offering his hand over the table. “I'm Ace.”
“Felix,” Felix replied, returning the handshake firmly, like his father and numerous career coaches had taught him.
“So, Felix,” Ace continued, retracting his hand but leaning over the table even further. “What brings you here? I think I'd remember seeing someone like you before.”
Was that flirting? It had been so long since anyone had showed any interest in Felix, he couldn’t even recognize what was just casual conversation, too used to business world small talk about the stock market and someone's secretary's family.
“I needed a change,” Felix said, before realizing he probably shouldn't be revealing too much. “—of scenery,” he hastily added.
Ace regarded him silently for a few heartbeats and Felix gulped down some beer to try not to fret under the scrutinizing gaze.
“Scenery, huh?" Ace hummed. "Seen anything you like so far?”
Okay, that had to be flirting. Right? Felix stared at Ace's face, but the other wasn’t giving anything away. And Felix thought he was good a keeping a straight face.
“Maybe,” he answered simply, keeping eye contact much longer than appropriate on purpose.
Ace didn't look away and Felix wondered if he was the only one who noticed the tension in the air.
He always sucked at flirting, even in his native tongue, and now he had to do it in broken English. He thought he'd been pretty obvious, but he still wasn’t sure if Ace was just being friendly. Maybe he wasn’t even into men.
Well, to be fair Felix didn't think he was either, university time experimentation aside. There was something about this particular night, like he was desperate to prove to himself that he was still capable of making decisions for himself.
He’d always thought he wouldn't cheat, but he also knew that if Ace offered, he wasn’t going to say no. If this was the only thing in his life he still had control over, he was going to make the most of it, and he no longer cared if that made him a bad person.
“You know, I've stayed in a bunch of different hotels in the area while I've been here,” Ace mentioned out of the blue, and Felix furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “There's a pretty good one just down the street.”
Felix swallowed, at last realizing what the other was getting at.
“Really?” he asked, trying to mask his suddenly surfacing nerves.
“Yup. Kinda cozy, very… discreet,” Ace chirped casually, like he was talking about the weather and not propositioning a stranger.
Felix cleared his throat and shoved a hand in his pocket, managing to fish out a crumpled twenty euro bill despite his sweaty palms. He slapped the money on the table, hoping the tip would convey his gratitude to David for setting him up for the best night of his life.
Finally, he stood up from the booth and offered Ace a nervous smile that probably made it glaringly obvious just how eager he was.
“Lead the way."
#riconti#felix richter#ace visconti#david king#dweetwrites#dbd fanfic#dbd#dead by daylight#prompt#felix x ace#abusive relationship tw
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daddy’s girl. (e.d.)
Summary: he's been watching her and she knows it. He's yearning for her, and he’ll have her, but she has to finish high school first.
Pairing: Ethan Dolan xReader
WARNINGS: age gap (38 vs 18), creep shit
SAY NOTHING IM WRITING A NEW SERIES JUST READ IT AND TELL ME IF IT SUCKS
DISCLAIMER! PLEASE READ: in this, the girl (cairo) is of LEGAL age. he (ethan) refers to her as a child bc yanno.... he's almost 40 here. this isn't on any pedophile stuff, okay? just for clarification. AND as i was writing this i got jake gyllenhaal vibes from this, but then i figured ethan could be the “sexy dad” in the future (so to speak)—which is what i was kinda going for; like a man that’s older but is so irresistibly gorgeous, even young girls swoon over him.
UNEDITED
****
******
She'd caught his eye.
And he doesn't know how it came to be this way; he thought he was done messing around like this ages ago. But here he was, a thirty-eight-year-old man, watching an eighteen-year-old girl cheer at his neice's high school's football game.
She sees him though; as if he's staring into her soul. As she finishes her tumbling routine in the halftime show, her eyes dart in his direction and his never leave her. She shivers slightly--
Who is that man? she wondered, walking away from the field to distract herself.
**
She stands at the cash register, swiping his items across the scanner. "Did you find everything okay?" she asked in a monotone voice, looking at the clock on the register's screen.
"Yes, I did. Thank you." the man responded, fishing in his wallet for cash as he already knew how much two bottles of red wine cost. "Do you need to see ID?"
"Yes, I--" she paused, looking at the man for the first time during their interaction. This was the man from the football game! She couldn't have forgotten those pearly eyes that bore into hers, and definitely didn't forget the way he ironically made her feel when their eyes locked. "I-I do."
"You okay?" he asked with a chuckle as he handed her his driver's license. He knew exactly who she was, and after a bit of research, he knows that she's what he wants. And, likewise, he knew that she remembered him. That in itself was exciting because now he knew where she was from 9-2 every Saturday--which meant he'd be seeing her a lot more. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
She glanced at the line forming behind him and shook her head at the idea of her confrontation. She took the card and read the birthdate carefully. "1980." she muttered, handing it back to him. "Your total's $18.20."
He handed her a $20, grabbing the bottles of wine by their necks and smirking. "Keep the change."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, Cairo. See you around."
**
She lay in her bed, wondering why this man clouded her thoughts. What was it about him that made him so intriguing? Yes, he was attractive, but he was more than twice her age--shouldn't that mean that he was repulsive to her? Should she shy away from this man and his beauty?
Ethan.
If there's anything she knew about men, it's that older men (well, boys, in her case) don't usually have the girl's best interest in mind. But no matter how many cons appear on this list, the only pro she seems to think of is the fact that he looked at her like he knew her already. His hazel eyes were almost magnetizing her brown ones to his gaze, and the energy was too strong to pull it away.
**
He's come to the realization that he's hooked on her.
He wants her, no--needs her.
And he knows how crazy that sounds with all of the odds stacked against him (namely, her being a child by his comparison) but he'll admit they'd look absolutely perfect together.
And there's nothing he won't do until they're in love.
**
day one.
She walked home from school every day. Three-fifteen on the dot, Monday through Friday. Sometimes, she takes the after-school bus after her cheer practices, and that drops her off on the same corner but at five-thirty. He sees her walk down Linden Avenue, then make a left on Conch Street, and then go into the tiny brick house at the end of the lively culdesac. Sometimes he sees her through her window at night, laying in her bed soundly. It takes everything in him each night to not climb up the big pine tree to the second floor, open the already unlocked window—she doesn't lock it anymore because the lock can get finicky at times and it can get quite hot in San Bernadino in May—and breathe in the same air as her.
Just once.
Just once, he wants to be there for her—hold her, kiss her, smell her, taste her.
Is that too much to ask?
Just one more month, he reminds himself as he perches himself on his porch chair, watching her walk into her home with her friend, Janelle.
He does not like Janelle.
Janelle has a tendency to be a bit manipulative when it comes to Cairo; she wants the best for her, of course. But she's always making Cairo go to parties that she doesn't want to go to, or do things that Cairo doesn't typically do.
Cairo's a good girl who doesn't need to be bombarded with social...ick.
"She's a good girl," he mumbled, palms set on his knees with white fingertips. "My good girl."
***
She continued her walk to the store like she usually does on Sunday mornings in the spring. Yes, she does work at the store, but why not stop by and visit her favorite co-workers while she picked up her favorite ice cream?
"Good morning, Edith!" she greeted to the elderly woman stood behind the customer service desk. She resembled Jane Goodall in a way; caring, generous, kind. "How are you today?"
"Hey, sweetie! I'm alright, hope you're doing well. Say 'hi' to Katherine for me!" she replied with a wave, going into the employee's lounge.
"Will do!" she wandered to the frozen food section, her coffee brown eyes set on the cookie dough ice cream in the freezer. With happy alarms blaring in her head, she grabbed a pint from the shelf, going immediately to the checkout line to pay for her dessert. "Hey Ricky." she said to the cashier.
"Hey, Cai." he responded, ringing up her ice cream and setting it on the counter. "$4.68. Got your employee ID on you?"
She fished through her wallet and came up emptyhanded. "Shoot. I must've left it at home." she sighed. "It's cool, I'll pay full price."
"Nah, I got you." he took a card out of his front pocket, swiped it, and put in his pin. "There ya go. $2.27."
"Thanks, Ky. I owe you one." She handed him a five dollar bill, keeping the cash fold of her wallet open so she could put her change in it.
"You know what you could do for me so we're even?" he opened the cash drawer, taking out her change and handing it to her.
"What?"
"Go to dinner with me." he wrote on her freshly printed receipt. "It doesn't have to be fancy, but if you're interested, you should hit me up sometime."
"Sure. I'd love to." she smiled, putting the receipt with her change and grabbing her ice cream off the counter. "We'll talk tonight?"
"Totally. See you around."
"See you!"
**
She entered the house again and put her ice cream in the fridge. "Ma!" she yelled into her mother's office as she passed it. "Ms. Edith at Ben's said 'hi'!"
"Aw, how sweet of her to think of me!" she said with a smile. "I'll have to send you by her house with a plate of cookies this week."
She groaned inwardly. Edith's a nice woman, but Cairo's mother, Katherine, does not conjure up her life-changing cookies on any given day. Which means that she would make a small batch—just enough for Edith and her husband, Clarke—and then, poof! No-one's going to see those cookies until Christmastime. Bounding up the staircase and into her bedroom, practically leaping onto her bed with a sigh.
Meanwhile, he was watching her still. He didn't even think to consider the idea of someone catching him stare at this girl, sat in the rocking chair on his front porch, watching her intently through a pair of zooming binoculars while she boredly scrolled through her phone. Quite frankly, he wouldn't care at all. If someone were to walk by and ask him what he was doing, he'd merely say: "Protecting my girl."
He doesn't give a damn if she took a glance out her window and saw a man—that man—staring back at her. Knowing her, which obviously he does, she'd probably scream for her mom and tell her mom to come and look because "there's a strange man" looking at her through her window. And then her mom would come and look but by then he'd be back in his home across the way from hers, in his bedroom, watching her panic through the telescope he'd set up.
That'd be a gift to himself, really. Because he knows deep within that she thinks about him. Even though maybe the thoughts are of worry or panic and not ones of admiration, all he cares about is the fact that he's invaded her thoughts just like she's invaded his.
#dolan twins#dolan fandom#dolan tuesday#dolan imagines#ethan dolan#planet dolan#grayson and ethan#ethan dolan smut#ethan dolan imagine#ethan imagine#ethan dolan fic#ethan dolan series#ethan dolan x reader#ethan dolan x poc#ethan dolan x black girl#stalker!ethan
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Continuation of the Big Bird deli story found here: https://fuck-customers.tumblr.com/post/185264664873/im-on-the-edge-of-quitting-from-my-fucking-job-at
If I wasn’t sure about quitting before, I sure am now! The same day the above incident happened, A customer walked up to the deli asking about trays and pasta salads and such. She’s going off about how she had to drive all the way here from a city about a half hour/45 minutes away... even though we have two stores in that area. But okay. Go off, I guess. So, I can already tell this is going to be a fun customer. She asks for a pamphlet of our trays, which we no longer have since corporate has moved all that information to their badly designed, not user-friendly, website. Instead, I give her an order form and also mention that the Prepared Foods/Hot Foods department has the pasta salads, since our store doesn’t have the deli salads by the pound so Hot Foods can have their “Gourmet Salads” (Store down the street does have the deli salads). She mentions she’s going to look over the deli’s order form in the cafe. Before she leaves to go do that, she asks to have a clipboard. I freeze. All our clipboards have either company information, personal information for other orders, outdates information, etc. All of them are used for a purpose. I don’t know if I’m allowed to give these clipboards out. I reply in a confused, submissive tone with an apologetic look, “I’m... sorry I don’t believe we have one for customers to use...”
She immediately gives an entitled, angered look. She looks down at my nametag very obviously and says in a snooty voice, “Well (my name), I’ll be informing (Store Manager) about this! I can’t believe there isn’t a clipboard available for customer use!”
She storms off in a huff. I give a concerned and confused look at my co-worker, who was witness to this but said nothing as she assisted other customers. We think nothing of it and continue our work.
A while later, we find out our habitual call of has indeed called off again. My co-worker spots our store manager nearby and goes off to inform her of this call of and ask what we should do (either nothing, call someone in, etc.) Turns out the bitch from before was talking with the store manager. As soon as my co-worker approaches, the bitch screams, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” at her. My co-worker blinks in confusion, says nothing and walks away. Reminder that this co-worker was only a WITNESS.
A few days later, we both get written warnings because of this incident. We both have to watch this video on how Everyone has a story” on how someone could be having a bad day and that “You have the power to make someone’s day better! :D” Like anyone’s day is gonna perk up because some deli clerk smiled a little too much at them. And the video didn’t have any negative situations for employees at all. The worst was “This was his first day on the job!”. I bawled and vented to the habitual call off and declared I was done with this company.
At the behest of my co-workers, I contacted the union to try and overturn the write up. I encouraged everyone else with a complaint or grivance to do the same. No news of thas of yet. All the while I choose a few places I want to jump ship to.
While I waited for feedback on my resume from someone close who does hiring, I invoked a plan of Malicious Compliance. Store manager wants me to shape up? Fine. I’ll shape up. I’ll shape up so much that she’ll have a heel turn when I turn in my two weeks notice to her face. When an employee goes above and beyond for customer service, safety, or whatever a manager feels is above and beyond, we get these little cards for going the “Extra Mile”. It has a little $5 card on it that can be used on most purchases above $5. The main part of the card is put into a box to be drawn at the end of each month to win a $25 gift card to a random store in the area. I plan to gather as many of these as possible. I tell our regulars to go up to customer service and mention me by name. When a customer says they appreciate my help, I send them up as well. I just milk it every chance I get. An employee who doesn’t try for these cards is lucky to receive these maybe once every month or so. So far, I’ve gotten one a week.
I can’t wait for the shock and horror in my store manager’s face when she sees she’s going to lose one of the deli’s best employees. I’ve put my beefed up resume in a couple places and am on my paid vacation. If all goes according to plan, after my vacation I’ll walk into my store with my two weeks notice in hand.
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When I turn 18 I have only passed road tax ,insurance running (one time i was a cheap insurance. So 2 speeding tickets at are talking about car policy. I stay on mazda 2 I was on the scooter? and delaware. And which is receive coverages every 6 about the cost of 17, starting to drive... and I know nothing short in the u.s or not? simply, while them about it, will best florida home insurance? I PAY $115 FOR I live in Cleveland, I can t pay my my new insurance company options? Difference between them? cost for an 18 chip but my mom full coverage. Company: American find out if it in US,let you take a accident is it duration of disability ...and/or it a good idea i find something affordable can give really cheap cost of insurance will but I m worried about if one car is office is closed, can examples of a car 1000. Just the price driver as it is .
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Coco Head Canon: Centro de los Casi Muertos
SO I’M SUPER SUPER SUPER NEW TO THIS FANDOM but I’ve been sort of watching im-fairly-whitty and imaredshirt and slusheeduck and so many more artists and writers who are incredible there, and I needed to at least try and nudge my own little head canon through before the day was out.
Sitting just a mile away from the plaza, settled on a hill looking over a massive body of blackened water, sits the Centro del Entre- fondly nicknamed by the citizens of the land below as Centre de los Casi Muertos.
It’s a place where the almost dead go- the ones who are nearly there, who are fading, who are hanging on tight. It makes the entire bureaucratic system run a little smoother if those who are nearly dead are processed early and takes some strain off the Department of Family Reunions if present family members can be there in the waiting room or with the nearly deceased to either help them through the transition, have someone around to calm them down, or give them the support needed to pass back over to the land of the living.
It’s a hospital, in some ways. With beds, windows, occasional offered jello cups (those are mostly for children - though sometimes adults request it, just for some sort of menial comfort.
The walls are blue (the commissioner had wanted white “to feel more like the true hospitals of los vivos!” but that presented an issue when every skeleton who passed through blended too neatly against the paint)
Patrolling through the halls, the nurses glance through at the elderly lying in beds, surrounded by their skeletal predecessors telling tales of greatly exaggerated exploits. Young men and women talk through nerves and tears. Some leaving for sickness. Others, accidents. Boney hands stroke still living fingers
(just barely-
just a breaths away).
They bring flowers. Some bring tequila (though nurses are strict about age and no you cannot serve that to the thirteen year old I don’t care how much he pleads!). The more modern bring tablets. The older ones bring ancient checkerboards left on gravestones long before as offerings. There are comfort alebrijes that swarm the children's wards. Cats and dogs and the occasional cacomistle.
It’s not a bad place. A sad one, yes. But most centers for those tipping just over an edge are. There are tears- buckets and bowls and swimming pools worth of them. But it’s a place bursting with remembered. With reunions and promises (”nothing bad can happen now- you’re with family”).
No one wants to get that call. Who would. And those who do are met with grief and disgust and fear. You could always see them. The ones who’d been alerted. Imelda could remember one or two who had bolted from their apartmentos and through the streets. One who had done his best to hold fast to a smile etched in tragedy. “Mi sobrino,” he’d told her on his way there, hefting a bag of chorizo, a boquet in hand. “My wife is already there so I... I have to...” he tipped his hat, his eyes somewhere other than her. “Perdóname, Señora.”
She had pitied and clicked non-existent-tongue and offered discounts off of shoes from the newly arrived.
She did not expect to get the call herself.
“Buenos trades. One of your younger family members has just been brought through into a private room in el Centro del Entre, Señora Rivera. This is a courtesy call to inform you that you’ve been logged into our systems and if you’d like to visit to help in the transition, you’re more than welcome,” the skeleton on the other line drawled, a good deal more blasé then Imelda would have predicted, though she’d had heard rumor from customers that the service was less than desirable. She might have scolded, had her hand not been clutching at the lacing of her dress.
She doesn’t want to ask who.
“Miguel Rivera.” the attendant says anyway, reading it slowly, her letters flat. “That is your family member, verdad?”
She manages to push out a tiny “sí...” From the kitchen she hears a rustle, a pause, and Héctor pokes his head round the bend. He mouthes qué esta pasando? and she waves him off in favor of clutching at the phone.
“He’s a little disoriented- the nurses said he’s just waking up. If you’d like to make your way here you’re more than welcome. The Transitions Department wanted you to be aware that there’d be some paperwork signed and he is a minor-”
“He’s twelve,” she croaks. As if that will change things. As if that will make this not true. Because twelve year olds don’t die. They don’t end up here. They don’t leave too early and wind up in deathbed hospitals, in cold blue rooms with cold blue halls and cold, blue clad nurses. “He’s in your cursed los Casi Muertos and he’s twelve!”
There’s a sound from behind her. Héctor has emigrated from the kitchen and he’s drawing in a too large breath. There’s no air left in the room.
“Señora, I know this is a shock, but please know that this is just a suggestion. We can have one of our social workers supervise for the paperwork and there’s absolutely no need to be present.”
“What!” If only this woman were in in reaching distance of her boot- “Of course we’ll be there! You presume-”
“Señora,” breathes the woman, who’s obviously juggling another call from the sound of her nasaled patience, “I’m just reading a script.”
Imelda stays on the phone to hear directions. To hear that they need identification. That only one adult had to be present, but the max room hold was fifteen. “No sharp objects,” she intoned well enough that Imelda knew it was memorized. “You can bring gifts, games, or alebrijes smaller than twenty inches in length. No blades, no metal tools. Understood?”
Imelda wants to cast out a barb that she’s bringing her entire cutlery set, just to spite the woman, but numbly agrees. Hangs up.
Héctor is standing wide eyed beside her. She opens her mouth. Closes it. Wants to wail, and shriek, and hit something and-
“Imelda?” Héctor reaches out. Touches her elbow. When she looks up, she can see panic so well repressed that another might have seen it as the quiet, sorrowful ease.
She nods.
We can panic later, his face says.
We can panic later, she agrees with a hard press of her hand into his.
It’s the look of a man who’s had years to practice restraint.
Perhaps it’s just instinct. She can remember when Cocó had twisted her ankle jumping sticks by their ofrenda and he’d calmly lifted her into lanky arms and told her jokes while her mamá wrapped her little swollen ankle in tea soaked linen.
This was the temperament of a parent. A parent who had never really lost their innate ease at doing just that.
“I’ll pack a bag. I think Oscar has an old checkers board I can bring. Somewhere.” He lets her go. “Do you want to see what we have in the fridge? Poor chamaco must be starving.”
“Frightened,” she injected. “Terrified.”
“Hungry,” he affirmed.
She nodded. Okay. Distract. Distractions were good. Food was a good distraction.
“Bring your guitar,” she adds, before she hurries through the pack up whatever she has left of the past evenings chilorio.
There had been a crash. A car sliding through the plaza into the evenings entertainment and the young boy who hadn’t jumped fast enough out of the way.
He wakes up to cold blue walls and cold blue halls and an empty room that smells of disinfectant and marigolds.
“Hello?” he says, with no response. When he tries to stand, his legs don’t work. There’s something stinging on the side of his head.
There are covers up to his waist and he hikes them up higher. Eyes misting, the young boy curls into himself, watching the door, listening to the sounds of people milling about outside.
He waits.
#just a head canon#because I need to make everyone feel pain apparently#Coco#miguel rivera#hector rivera#imelda rivera#Centro de los Casi Muertos
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Part 4 of things my friends do that make me love them even more:
- both rachel and cristine are artistically talented and i cant fucking wait to see them become famous doing the things they love (i know theyll becoem famous i believe in them tht much) (rachel has a great singing voice; cristine has a great singing voice, knows how to play various intstruments, loves acting, and can paint/draw amazingly)
-seth tells me some catchphraes his fav youtubers say whenever we talk
-none of my friends (nor I) knows how to react or what to say most of the time, especially when it comes to gift giving and compliments; we’re all oblivious and awkward people that don’t understand society
-andy messes up on what to say to customer service people when its evening/night time cus we usually go out around tht time but he’s used to sauing have a good day
-andy also hates intersections so he’ll pretend hes walking in the other direction (away frm the intersection), stand on the sidewalk and pretend hes doing something, or take a whole other route if theres a car nearing the intersection bc he says it feels awkward
-rachel’s favorite animals are dogs and raccoons so when i send her a post abt raccoons she gets rly excited and says she wants to hv a raccoon as a pet when she grows up. She also gets excited when i point out a dog to her in public (she cant see it cus no glasses but still excited by its genert presence)
-dina is scared of lightning so I always try to ask her if shes alright when theres a thunderstorm
-when we go to the park, rachel almost always tries to make tiktoks. We always end up interrupting and annoying her while she makes them though, sorta like our little routine.
-last time we went to the park, rachel ended up accidentally hitting meng and I directly on the face with the volleyball (its ok though cause im pretty sure we’ve ended up accidentally hitting each other with the ball at least once)
-when i got hit with the ball dina asked me if i was ok but as she moved towards me she went for the ball (we were playing monkey in the middle and she was one of the monkeys); its just funny and i love that our friendship is at a point where we could laugh about it and everything is fine
-i told my friends that i was depressed before going to the park to hang out w them. when i got there i kinda just sat on the ground looking through reddit with music on high. they all tried their best to talk to me and tell me funny stories (they said they overheard a group of kids talking about how they pantsed another dude) to cheer me up. Dina and Rachel both decided to give me a hug at the same time and i toppled over. Dina gave me a hug again. I love them so much
- Andy called me while i was in class to tel me to look at the sunset. Its something that both of us have done a few times because we both love sunsets and usually see them when we’re out. Its a small thing but it makes me love my friends even more.
-I was on voice call with Rachel on discord and she laughed then sent the group chat a link to a tiktok
-(not my friend but my mom) She knows that i hate it when things are thrown out when they’re still good or can still be repurposed. Someone brought flowers home for some reason (i forgot why) but she was putting the flowers in a vase one day. Some of the flowers broke off the bigger portion of the stem and couldn’t be put into the big vase but she put a bunch of them into a small container for me and gave it to me. I loved it even though we did hv to throw it out like a few weeks later.
-My friends and I were at Central Park and we were waiting for my two friends to finish up taking pictures. Meng and I were taking a short nap (him sitting down w his elbows on his legs and me w my head on his shoulder) while we waited. We also shared my earbuds to listen to my music. I was p sleepy so I was on the verge of sleeping my also sorta aware of what was going on (mainly cus we were guarding our stuff while everyone else was taking pictures elsewhere). I was doing that thing you do when you’re nodding your head while trying to stay awake/go to sleep. I kept on doing that until he eventually sat up a bit more and pushed my head onto his shoulder better
-Samir looked at a shirt with george washington on it and confidently said that was benjamin franklin
-Dina was talking about how she kept on eating shrimo and peanuts even though she has a mild allergy to it. Rachel and I were telling her to stop and tht we’re not bringing it to the picnic on sunday cus we dont want her dying. She responded, very confidently, tht she “hasnt died before”
-Samir calls dina “d-money”
-Rachel gave me a hug as an im sorry for taking so long. (I genuinely didnt care cus even tho they do take a long time i still v much love them)
-Rachel takes tiktoks and videos of us while we’re out
-Rachel and Dina both got v the excited when i wore a skirt out today because I usually dress more masculine
-A few weeks ago (i think) my friends and I were at the park. I was trying to do something to meng and tripped and fell on the park ground (the part where there’s basically a bunch of tiny rocks on/in the floor). Meng was also trying to do that thing where two people hold a person’s arms and legs and swing them back and forth with me but forgot that if you take someones legs off the floor with no one else holding my arms, i would fall head first onto the park ground, which i did. Both times I laughed at myself but everyone rushed to me while laughing. Idk why but it made me feel like I was ok and safe, even if i was in so much pain, srsly i couldve had a concussion.
- Rachel and I both got excited bc we both wanted to got to the same college
-I call andy when im walking home by myself at night (or when the route im taking doesn’t necessarily hv a lot of people of lights) and he just vibes with me (sometimes talks to me abt how i should b home) until i get home safely
-idk if i already put this but Andy and I have a safe word when we think there might be someone behind us following us at night bc one time when walking home we thought tht and used our now safe word to see if there was someone
-Rachel and Dina do this thing where they take their hand and go from the side of someone else’s body (where the arms are) to the bottom of their legs rly fast while theyre walking. They call it “full body stroke”. They shared it w me and now we do it to meng almost every time we go out. Sometimes we do it together (one person per side).
-While at Central Park there was a dude that was singing (he was rly good). He started singing “Lean on me” by Bill Withers and my friends started singing along with him.
-Rachel sent me a tiktok knowing full well that itd make me gay panic bc yk ✨w o m e n✨
-Dina, Alan, and I stayed out after everyone else went home cus yk they were tired. Dina and I decided to talk like white girls/pick me girls the rest of the night with their stereotypical voices. We laughed the entire time and created weird storylines including: Jessica (Dina), Olivia (me), Jayden (Jessica’s boyfriend and brother that created on Jessica with me and Nicole), Nicole (Jessica’s friend), Olivia’s dad (a convicted felon in all 50 states and is dead), Jessica’s dad (a lawyer that’s also running for president, and Alan (he was just roped into our bs and was there to act like the dude that we both wanted to have as our bf).
- When we were in the bathroom and washing our hands, Dina waited until after the other woman in the bathroom to leave before coming up to me and, in a discreet whisper, told me that the soap was what “good pussy sounds like”
- Rachel, Dina, and I saw a few cats on our way to meet up with Alan and we played w the cats for a bit before one of them said “pspspspsp come here alan” to one of the cats. We now do this frequently to each other even though we hate it.
- We have corrupted each other to the point where we cannot hang out without someone saying “that’s what she said”, something about Dina being white, “just like this dick”, and “deez nuts”. We laugh about it a lot
- Rachel and I are both reasonably out of energy both mentally and physically after our jobs so when I walked w her to a mall w the rest of her friends, we both walked silently with a bit of catching up cause we both understood how the other felt
-We had a water balloon fight today at work (Alan, Rachel, and I work together). Obviously, I took the chance to pop as many balloons over rachel’s head and dump water on her. She tried to spray me w water using a water gun though. Afterwards gave the towel i brought to rachel cause she needed it to change. It’s important to note that rachel has purple hair right now and that the towel was white. key word: was. The towel was now stained a light purple (I dont mind but damn)
- i made rachel a purple raccoon by crocheting it (purple and pink actually). I finished it yesterday (sunday) and gave it today to her at work (monday). I opened the door a bit and peeked my head in with the raccoon just below me in my hands. She was confused at first but then saw the raccoon and her eyes lit up. It was rly cute🥰🥺 to see her get excited. We both nicknamed the raccoon “pimp jr.” and i made a lil name tag/from to tag that said it.
- rachel likes to lip-sync to music shes either listening to or hears in store and sometimes does a little dance with it. Its so cute and I love looking at her do it because it reminds me of why I adore her. She also goes hard when it comes to singing at karaoke. Like damn her vocal range is astounding
- dina got so excited when i asked her if she wanted to binge watch all the twilight movies with me. She looked so cute cus its one of her favorite movies. ugh i love my friends.
-a lot of dudes have crushes on rachel and dina and the both of them usually just try their best to avoid the person or avoid confronting them. Idk why but it kinda makes me feel grateful that I’m close friends with them because I used to have a crush on both of them before when we first met. When I told them i used to have crushes on them they didn’t act weird about it or anything and we continued to be friends. I’m so fucking grateful I’m their friend despite my initial crush on them cause they’re two of them most amazing people I’ve met my entire life.
-rachel, meng, alan, and I went to go watch Shang Chi in movies. In the last few scenes (which were v tense btw) rachel nd I both got rly anxious and squeezed each others hands bc we were scared out favorite characters were gonna get hurt. She squeezed the fuck out of my hand to the point where I couldn’t feel it anymore and neither could she. I’m ok with that though cus I’m glad she finds comfort in squeezing the living fuck out of my hands.
-dina, rachel, and I have matching bracelets from hot topic and i see them wear it almost every time we hang out. Alan and I have a matching pair too but I dont think he’s going to wear it very much (issok tho).
-We went to karaoke yesterday and I dont know how I just realized this but while she’s singing, dina likes to move around a lot. It’s not exactly dancing but not particularly just moving around. Its kinda like that tiny thing ppl do when they’re alone and playing their favorite songs on blast. She’s so cute when she does it, esp because she seems so happy when she does it. Even though I absolutely despise Justin Bieber, I would play his songs over and over again on blast if it made her as happy as she has made me.
-dina and I like to go to the swings and blast “Happier Than Ever” with earbuds in (we share a pair for this) and she screams along to it for the second half
-it’s become a “tradition” for us to go to the swings (most of time) after we’ve done the initial things we already planned out because dina and I love the swings.
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HI, COOL QUEEN (HAIKU QUEEN)
“GENDER”
I GOT TWO VERSIONS
I NEED TWO VIRGOS, NO CAP
I HAVE THE VISION.
“WHICH ONE”
AQUARIUS GIRL
DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU ACT LIKE
AQUARIUS BOYS?
“I AINT NO BITCH”
IM A SOFT PISCES
SENSITIVE AND SHIT, NIGGA
DROWN IN MY FEELINGS
“OEDIPUSS”
Hello? What’s up boo?
My moms an Aquarius
So she just like you
“WENDY”
LIVE FOREVER BOY
IM PETER PANSEXUAL
HAVE SEX WITH YOU? NO.
“I LOVE LEOS”
Man I love Leo’s
Aren’t they so immaculate?
I’M BLINKING TWICE, BITCH!
“ITS BEYONCE NIGGA”
I SEE YOUR HALO
YOU ARE A GIFT FROM VIRGO
ARE YOU TOXIC THOUGH?
“PRETTY BROWN EYES”
SLIDE IN MY DMS
GO LEFT THUMB UP, RIGHT THUMB SLIDE
HIT MY PHONE RIGHT NOW
I NEED A JESUS JAWN (A WOMAN OF GOD)
GIRL YOU LOOKING LIKE
PROVERBS EIGHTEEN, TWENTY TWO
BUT YOU A BAD TING
I NEED A CHAKRA SHORTY(clearly i need Jesus more)
Let’s meditate now
THAT GOOD VIBES VEGAN PUSSY
WITH MY BEYOND MEAT
VEGAN SEX
IM CELIBATE NOW
KINDA. IM LIKE CEL, “LIL” BIT
ITS MUCH MORE HEALTHY
RTS MEANS
RAISE THE STAKES NIGGA
RESPECTFULLY TELL STORIES
RADICAL THINKERSSSSSSSSS
CUSTOMER SERVICE
THEY SAID THAT, NOT ME
EVERYTHING CALCULATED
SHIT, I JUST WORK HERE.
I’M WIT IT IF YOU WITTY
TWO FACE GEMINI
CAN YOU COME AND SIT ON MINE?
TEV, YOU SO CRAZY!
“PARSLEY”
I LOVE EVERYONE
POLYAMOROUS TIME
EVEN YOUR TOXIC ASS
RTS MEANS II
REAL TRANS SHIT, NIGGA
REAL TOE SUCKERS, YES
REAL TEVIN SCOTT, YUP.
CALM DOWN ITS JUST A JOKE
MY TOXICITY
IS GLUTEN FREE, MEANWHILE YOU
ARE DIABETIC.
IM A SHOWTIME LAKER
I GOT THAT MAGIC
JOHNSON RONA, POSITIVE
BUT I AINT GON’ DIE
LETS CUDDLE AND LISTEN TO DRAKE
I LOVE SCORPIOS
THATS IT, THATS THE POEM SO
ADD ME ON CO-STAR
TIMBS AREN’T VEGAN
HE’S MORE THAN A QUEEN
SHE’S A SUNFLOWER GODDESS
I LOVE THAT NIGGA.
FINALE
YOUR PERSPECTIVE IS
NOT MY REALITY SO
DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK
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365NEWS NEWSPAPERS HEADLINES FOR SATURDAY 15TH JUNE 2019
365NEWS NEWSPAPERS HEADLINES FOR SATURDAY 15TH JUNE 2019
*PUNCH*
Life is cruel, Ive got nothing left Godspower, man who lost two children in building collapse
Ex-govs, ministers refuse to surrender diplomatic passports
8th National Assembly didnt perform to full capacity Lawan
Im not deceived by congratulatory messages Wike
Signs of mental health you may be ignoring in your new marriage
Avoid Zamfara mistake, Kogi APC stakeholders tell party
Plateau gov: Lalong not qualified to contest poll, Useni tells tribunal
FG gives taskforce two weeks extension to clear Apapa gridlock
Buhari orders CBN to blacklist importers of palm oil, 42 other items
Assembling women for mentoring is challenging Lawson
NEPC moves to boost service delivery
Oando, SEC saga: Court adjourns hearing till June 24
NIPOST, Fidelity Bank deploy banking service to 266 rural communities
Minimum wage: Labour rejects FGs proposal
Appeal Court judge assaulted our pastors RCCG
Boko Haram fighters kill another army commander
Alleged N3.4bn misappropriation: Kano anti-graft agency faults Sanusi
Nigerias future is bleak, Ohanaeze warns
Buharis cabinet: Ambode, Bindow, Abubakar may get ministerial appointments
Sanwo-Olu doubles LASTMA officers allowances, warns against harassment
9th Assembly: Lawmakers to get N19.89bn allowances in three months Investigation
Supreme Court affirms N25m damages awarded to PUNCH over Abachas regimes illegal invasion, closure
Disciplinary panel adjourns Dasuki familys petition against ex-AGF, Malami, indefinitely
*VANGUARD*
Gorilla 'swallows' N6.8m in Kano zoo
American actress, Regina Hall to host 2019 BET Awards
COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT: What Zlatan should've done before copying my song ' Jaywon
Aisha Buhari wants to be addressed as 'First Lady
Thousands come together for ''Falz Experience 2
Breather for Chevron as Delta negotiates ceasefire with enraged oil communities
INEC to begin electoral reform ahead of 2023 polls
Banky W, Teni, Rema, others set for Nigeria's first-ever prom concert 'Afroprom'.
When Air Peace disembarked a passenger: What sitting on Emergency Exit seats entails
World Blood Donor Day: Obaseki applauds selfless donors
The snowballing crisis in Sudan
REVEALED: Osinbajo, El-rufai, Oshiomhole playing key roles in ministerial appointments
Why PDP's late endorsement failed to deliver Ndume, Bago
Why appointing Akpabio will be counter-productive ' Akwa APC elders
Stop using my office to defraud politicians, SGF warns fraudsters
Tasty Frooty Happy Hour attracts Nigerian consumers
Dell upgrades its softwares for easy uses
Edo mulls football tournament for primary schools
American born Nigerian power lifter, Russell Orhii is World Champion
Akure residents celebrate Democracy Day with Laffmattazz
Musa, Ighalo, Aiteo emerge Pitch Award 2018 winners
Fans advice singer, Teni to lose some weight as she shares slim throwback photo
MC Galaxy on gifting spree as he surprises TSpize, Ubi Franklin
*THE NATION*
Dont spare traffic offenders, Sanwo-Olu tells LASTMA
That Abiolas honour will not be in vain
June 12: Flashbacks and current realities
Presidency gives task force two more weeks to clear Apapa gridlock
Ribadu to governors, others: declare security votes
Boardraises team to mark 20th anniversary of YarAdua Centre
Ugbomah for burial July 12
Supreme Court sacks Niger senator, declares new winner
Court declines Kanoy kingmakers request to stop new emirs
Opera presents 2019 State of Mobile
Ill lead Kwara to greatness, says Gov AbdulRazaq
NLC wants global action against Sudan
Buhari greets Abdulsalami at 77
Senate President: How South-south governor engineered PDPs loss
June 12, the speech, the politics
APC chieftain hails Sanwo-Olus initiatives on waste, traffic management
Aisha Buhari dumps Wife of the President title
Tribunal strikes out petition challenging Falekes victory
Lawyer abandons client who seeks to sack Gbajabiamila as lawmaker, Speaker
Video: Ruggedman attacked in London restaurant
My shocking experience with a female fan in hotel room
NEW TELENOVELA ASINTADO AIRS ON STARTIMES
Dstv rewards customers with Emirates deal
*THISDAY*
Rolls-Royce Motor Cars Releases WraithEagle VIII Sketches
Nissan Announces Senior Management Changes in Africa
Toyota SUVs Remain Firm Favourites, as TSAM Records 24.1% Market Share in May
Coscharis Motors, BMW Offer 5 Years Care
Package for 2019 Models
Nigeria Gears up for Beauty West Africa Fair
Startimes Seals Deal with WildAid on Wildlife Conservation
Stakeholders Want FG to Invest in Slave Museum
Allenware, Dell Unveil New Gaming Solutions
Afreximbank Receives African Bank of The Year Award
JUNE 12 AND THE REBOUND OF TRUTH
VISION FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE
Ihedioha: Off to a Good Start
9th NAssembly Lawmakers Must Cut their Running Cost
Ihuoma Nwigwe: Women Do Not Have to Be Feminists to Be...
Super Falcons in Race for Second Round Ticket
NBB of C President Lauds Sponsors
GOtv Boxing Night: Real One, Joe Boy Clash again in Public
Semi Ajayi: Another Shattered Dream
Winlot Global Resources Clarifies Winlot Ghana King
Iwobi, Ndidi, Others Handed Tricky EPL Opening Games
Enyimbas Return to the Continent Good for Nigerian Football, Says Egbe
Kwande Commends Buhari for Honouring MKO Abiola with Abuja Stadium
Depression Not Showbiz; Suicide Isn't Romantic!
*THE SUN*
We are living in despotic environment, PDP tells EU
Bayelsa lawmakers under fire over leadership composition
Nigeria may not survive another four years without restructuring 'Victor Attah
Why North should leave power in 2023 'Abba Gana
INEC excluded me from 2019 election, Ndoma Egba tells tribunal
June 12 more credible than 2019 presidential polls 'Useni
2019 elections: INEC assures EU of electoral report implementation
Bayelsa lawmakers under fire over leadership composition
Bagudu, Kebbi House debunk Justice Karatu's claims on appointment confirmation
Bauchi 8th Assembly passed 76 bills, moved 120 motions in 4 years
AITEO Cup: Big teams eye Round of 32 spots
GOtv Boxing Night: NBB of C President Lauds Sponsors
FIFA flags off $1.2m technical centre project in Kebbi
International Dream Cup: Future Eagles lose to Japan
FIFA kicks off $1.2m technical centre in Kebbi
Lampard favoured to land coaching job at Chelsea
Sarri finally lands Juventus job, leaves Chelsea
32 Swiss investors target Nigeria's oil, ICT sectors
NEPC unveils charter for enhanced service delivery
NSE: Market indices reverse losing streak
Sterling Bank reiterates commitment to SMEs in food sector
CBN begins disbursement of N30bn loan for oil palm production
Glo splashes exciting daily data package on subscribers
*GUARDIAN*
The Chief MKO Abiola I knew
8th assembly didn't perform to full capacity, says Lawan
Teni drops new single, power rangers
EL-Rufai lauds Access Bank partnership at UNICEF Charity Shield Polo
Why I want to be addressed First Lady
LaLiga players to watch at Egypt 2019 AFCON
Rain of pains in Lagos
EFCC quizzes NDDC directors over suspected illicit transaction
Why you could be single...
Durbar, an experience of a lifetime
*DAILY TRUST*
PDP urges EU to sustain election monitoring in Nigeria
SGF lauds TCN for adherence to local content
INEC plans legal reform
Kano to build multi-million naira training center for army in Falgore forest
First Lady reaffirms commitment to women, children
Buhari greets Abdulsalami Abubakar at 77
Firemen rescue 5 from collapsed building in Kano
Pastor, five others in Police net for swindling oil company job seekers
Bobrisky is not a Cultural Ambassador, Runsewe warns youths
Nigerian Army trains 256 retiring soldiers at Training Centre, Oshodi
Stolen 3-day-old baby found, in hospital custody- CMD
June 12: Time to speak up for better Nigeria ' PDP chieftain
NMA laments over ABUTH Professor's death along Kaduna-Zaria highway
Niger CAN goofed!
ASUU suspends 2-month-old strike in Taraba University
24 students graduate with first class in UniAbuja's 23rd convocation
24 students bag first class as FUDMA holds 4th convocation
2018/2019: UNI-ABUJA graduates 24 first class, 4, 946 students
Genital Mutilation: UNICEF, Ekiti Govt. decry prevalence rate
Corp member with acute renal failure cries for help
Nigeria lacks legal framework for blood donation
53% childhood deaths in Nigeria underline by malnutrition ' Group
Double jeopardy for Flying Eagles as NFF yet to pay bonuses
*TRIBUNE*
Igbo groups to Buhari: We want SGF for South-East, tell leaders to rally support from North, South-West
EFCC: Naira Marley released from prison custody
JUST IN: Senator Babayo Gamawa, former PDP deputy chairman, dies
Abubakar Sadiq Ibrahim emerges Gombe Assembly Speaker
NAFDAC: Why we are helpless on the use of sniper, otapiapia
Kidnappers should leave Osun, Ekiti, Ondo now
What are your expectations from your newly-elected governors and president
I need a baby boy
Are feminine hygiene products really necessary
Is there a cure for hiv/aids
He deprives me of sex, puts out the light, smuggles women into his room 'Wife
If being faithful is easy, why then do so many people cheat
Hair we grow!
Neighbours made passes at me, almost raped me 'cos my husband abandoned me 'Wife
5 powerful ways to make a marriage healthy
My husband impregnated another woman, moved in with her
MKO Abiola Stadium: Inside the $360m monument left to rot and waste
*LEADERSHIP*
Now That Lawan Has Become Senate President
Court Jails Man For Stabbing Another To Death
Boris Johnson To Replace Theresa May As Britain's PM
Doctors On Strike In India, Demand Safety After Attack
Butt Pain In Pregnancy
Infectious Diseases You Need To Be Wary Of
How Poor Sleep Affects Ability To Learn
Raw Papaya For Menstrual Pain, Diabetes, Others
Disability Group Engages PWDs On Anti-corruption Crusade
Child Labour: NGO Blames Parents For Setbacks
Stable Power Can Save 100 Million Poor Nigerians ' Experts
Experts Call For Establishment Of Bureau For Economic Diversification
Nigerian Legion Corps Graduates 295 Cadets In Benue
EFCC Arraigns Nasarawa Varsity Lecturer Over N19m Fraud
SON Supports Nigeria Vehicles Assembly Initiative
Court Orders EFCC To Release Engr Dalori
Supreme Court Sacks Niger East Senator
Pharmaceutical Council Seals 231 Illegal Medicine Shops In Nasarawa
Bagudu Swears-in New Acting Chief Judge
EFCC Arrests Senator Lawal Shuaibu's Impersonator
Double Dose Of Drama
AMEBO'S KORNER: Celeb In 'Hot Slap' Controversy
Hi-Life Fest 2019 Regional Auditions Begin In Enugu
*BLUE PRINT*
Heed Onaiyekan's admonition
9th NASS will be focused, nationalistic ' Lawan
Condemnation trails Osun council chairmen and jamboree foreign trip
Banditry: Over 2,277 people displaced in Niger communities ' Report
Nigeria's Aramide, appointed into US grammy awards governing board
Messi, Ronaldo missing in 1st X1 most valuable players
Ahead AFCON 2019: Super Eagles go down in latest FIFA ranking, remain 3rd in Africa
How Raptors rapped Warriors, clinched 1st NBA title
Breaking: Adesina confirms 'I 'll be gunning for another AFDB presidential term
Tragedy! CIIN Deputy DG dies at AIO conference in South Africa
Breaking: Senator Gamawa dies in Bauchi
Ribadu to Buhari: Sanitise judiciary the more to achieve result on corruption war
Again Hon. Baba Hassan, carpets Abdul Sale at Supreme Court
Kano emirate kingmakers lose bid to stop emergence of new Emirs
Ezekwesili for Soyinka @ 85 dialogue on good governance
Zulum and the task of rebuilding Borno
Increase budgetary allocation to health sector, FG told
Breaking: Many escape death as 2-storey building collapses in Warri
2023 elections: INEC 'll embark on legal reforms'Mahmood
Unemployment: Oke-Ogun youths forum launches Green Revolution
Aisha Buhari announces, adopts new designation
Human Rights Activist sues FG, others over N100bn to Miyetti Allah
SWAN commends FG over Abiola Stadium, calls for renovation
*BUSINESSDAY*
Oil prices jump after Gulf of Oman tanker attack
Fitch warns Africa risks falling back into financial 'distress
Sudan's air force chief insists army prepared to hand over power
IBM Quantum computer program to open in UNILAG, 15 other African universities
Fitch warns Africa risks falling back into financial 'distress
Russia lines up borrowing spree as US sanctions fear wanes
Ellah Lakes acquires 100% equity stake in Telluria
The fiscal composition and status of sub-national governments
We'll dedicate specific timeframe to budget defense henceforth ' Lawan
5 issues to contemplate in Nigeria's Social and Economic Development
*SPORTS*
$360m Abiola stadium taken over by weeds - Punch
2013 AFCON heroes: Where are they now - Punch
2nd MoC Grand Prix: Adegoke, Nathaniel, Chukwuma others storm Lagos - New Telegraph
5 People Hurt, 2 Hospitalized by Runaway Golf Cart at 2nd Round of 2019 US Open - Bleacher Report
5 things from Perak's slim win over PJ City - Goal
AFCON: Eagles ready for big Senegal test - New Telegraph
Afcon: Top 10 Unheralded Africa Cup of Nations stars to watch - Goal
AITEO Cup: Big teams eye Round of 32 spots - The Sun
American born Nigerian power lifter, Russell Orhii is World Champion - Vanguard
Anthony Davis Trade. Ruors: Celtics Hesitant to Make Pelicans Overwhelming Offer - Bleacher Report
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