#sexuality is a spectrum

[byers-bowlcut]

Mike’s love for El being platonic, and not romantic, and realizing it over the course of season 3 reconciles nearly every contradiction with his behaviour.

He stands like a gay scarecrow as she kisses him in front of Will’s closet. That's him realizing that when he blurted out "I love her and I can't lose her again!" he meant it platonically. But her saying "ily too” WAS CLEARLY NOT PLATONIC, so now he’s left very confused (If he was simply shocked by the fact that she overheard him, he would’ve been surprised initially, and then kissed her back, and been all emotional and happy. But he wasnt.) 

In fact he probably realized his heart fluttered when Will said “not possible” to him in the scene literally 1 minute prior, but NOT when his gf was attempting to make out with him? That’s clearly a problem! lol

This leads flawlessly into season 4.

Mike has apparently been refusing to even write the word 'love’ in his letters for 6 whole months. Why? Cause he didn't want them to look like love letters.

Meanwhile, he’s jealous of Will painting something for a girl. So he argues with Will about growing apart.

El argues with him about not saying ily. In the fight, he deflects romantic connotations with words like “care” and superhero idolization that he seems suuuper into this season.

He NODS when Will says “What if they don’t like the truth?”. That’s him thinking “Yeah, El won’t like the truth that I don't return her romantic feelings.”

In the van, he says their meeting was dumb luck and anyone could've been there for her that night. That’s hinting that he was just being a decent human. Not that it was a fated love at first sight meeting.

Then Will says, “You’re afraid of losing her”. And THAT is the true issue here.

This whole concept of ‘losing El’ (be it in relationship/daily life, or in death), is scary to Mike, because of what he went through seasons 1-2. At 12 years old, he saw another kid that he developed a bond with, die right in front of his freaking eyes. But they didn’t have a body or anything. So Mike kept getting signs and intuitive feelings that she was still alive. So he questioned his own sanity. For a WHOLE YEAR. Can you imagine how traumatic that is? And then for a kid that age?? That’s exactly why he develops an unhealthy codependency with her in Season 3. And we see it have a negative impact on the unity of the party, and on Will.

But a traumatic response doesn’t change the fact that Season 3 transitions us through the party’s puberty and growth into teenage hood. 

And because of said puberty, Mike starts to realize what actual attraction towards someone is, or in this case… isnt.

Like if we think about the first two seasons, for a 12-13 year old living in that type of society, era, and a picture perfect white suburban American family, it would’ve been really really hard to figure it out back then! Like simply becoming very close friends with the opposite gender caused everyone (cough Nancy cough Lucas) to tell him that “ooooh you must like her”. So yeah, he thinks “I really must like her”. Because he does! He just can’t separate it from actual romantic attraction at that point due to age, and strong heteronormative standards, and no role models like Jonathan telling him “it’s okay to stray from the norm bro”. So of course he acts on it? That’s the NORM. He’s like, “You’re supposed to take a girl you like to the ball”, “We're supposed like girls now”, “This is what growing up means”, “This what old people do”. Like HELLO? Mike says stuff similar to that constantly. Dustin and Lucas do not. So yeah, it can be easily be read as heteronormativity. Not romantic attraction!

And so despite wanting to spend every day in the summer with El because of copious amounts of trauma from S1-2, he can’t continue believing its romantic attraction when his hormones say otherwise. 

Like just look at their kissing scenes S3-4:

Seasons 3 starts with him pulling her hands OFF of him when kissing. He’s voluntarily kissing her instead of spending time with his friends, cause he thinks that’s what he’s supposed to do as he’s “not a kid anymore!”, yet he’s evidently not even enjoying it if he’s taking her hands off lol. Then by the end of the season he doesn’t even kiss back, and has his eyes wide open. Then six months later, when he’s way more self aware of his own feelings, this dude wears SUNGLASSES to the airport. We (and all the characters there) can’t even see his true expression when kissing her. And what’s more, he puts the bouquet of flowers between their bodies, to SEPARATE FASTER. When he could’ve very easily put that hand/arm around her, not between them (that's what he does with his other hand holding the bags).  

And all of this: all this repression, the contradictions, the unsaid things... it all culminates to the monologue. Will told Mike in the van that El really needed him. And then Will reminds him of this again when El is in the piggyback, cause Will is annoying! (jokes lol). So of course, all rationality, all of Mike's realizations or progression, goes out the window. After all, he is THE HEART. He is needed by her. He can’t go through what he went through in season 1-2 again! It doesn’t matter if it’s not totally true. He needs to tell her what she wants to hear so she won’t DIE. The stakes are extremely high. So he delivers. He even takes all his knowledge of mediocre romance stories, and blurts out that it was love at first sight. It's silly to us the audience, cause if you actually go back and watch season 1 you can see that it's not even fucking true. 

So why would he lie? Well because he doesn’t KNOW when he fell in love with El. Because he never fell in love with her. So yeah. It’s PLATONIC with a capital P.

(And to add a cherry on top, he gives his sister’s ring to her jfc) 

#mike wheeler #gay mike wheeler #bi mike wheeler #btw im not trying to say 'mike isn't attracted to women period' #i'm just saying he sees EL platonically #my post can be interpreted as gay mike ofc #but i'm not trying to discount bi mike either #sexuality is a spectrum #bi kids can also confuse feelings due to heteronormativity #byler #will byers #elmike

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

I've let this ask sit in my inbox for a while, but I think it's time I answered it, though the answer will most certainly not be to your satisfaction, anon, I'm afraid.

First off, I'm a bisexual man, and so I definitely don't have any first hand experience of experiencing attraction to only one gender. And in these things, first hand experience is all that matters.

Secondly, as for other species, I have insufficient information about zoological studies in this field, but I don't think it's as simple as you make it sound (this isn't intended to be hostile, I'm just wondering)?

As for the last part, I certainly don't presume to define sexualities as fitting strictly into one of the boxes of culture, identity or inborn orientation. I'm sure that there are more perspectives on this than I can imagine, and I'm equally sure that the experiences of these queer people are valid.

Mainly, the reason I decided to answer this despite it being a non-answer, as you said, is because I do have something to say.

I'm not in the habit of forming opinions of subjects that I have insufficient information about. I know that being seen as neutral is often vilified. I've been in that position, being angry about people's neutrality regarding topics that to me seem obvious. I no longer agree with past-me on that stance.

I would rather not, in my ignorance, cause damage. I think that people with very strong uneducated opinions cause a good deal more harm than those who stay silent in a conflict they know nothing about. Of course this won't be true in all cases.

But personally, I prefer handing the mic over, as it were, to people with more experience, knowledge, sensitivity and perspective about the issue than I.

So, yes, I'll have to go with a very unambiguous lack of an answer here. I simply do not know enough about this, anon. Non-answers, I'm afraid, are going to be inevitable in deeply personal discussions such as these. These non-answers are invariably better than the divisive discourse, invalidation and gatekeeping that occurs a lot.

Let's all be a bit more okay with saying I don't know. I'm trying to be more okay with it every day. I cannot educate myself perfectly about every single relevant topic. I think that's alright. I hope it is.

#weirdly specific but ok #asmi #lgbtqia #queer #gay #lesbian #gender stuff #gender and sexuality #bisexuality #pansexuality #trans #gender presentation #gender fluidity #genderfluid #sexuality is a spectrum #gender is a spectrum #asexual #aromantic #let's stop gatekeeping and policing people's identities #they know themselves #better than anyone else #it's okay not to understand things #it's okay to not know things #be kind yeah?

[fruitdragon]

Gender is complicated before I add my sexuality.

Am I a women? No

Am I a man? No

Am I a girly? No? Maybe? Sometimes I'm baby girl in a masculine way

Am I a boy? Maybe? Ish? Like in a pretty boy kinda way

Do I want to be recognized as either? Not really

Is gender real? How do we divide things into masculine and feminine?

What are my pronouns today? I DON'T KNOW LET ME EENIE MEENIE MINIEE MOE ONE OFF MY JACKET

Am I masc? Fem? Both? Neither?

I'm Genderqueer? That works

I'm whatever the moment calls for.

But yes I am a dyke and a lesbian. That is non negotiable

Women (also non-binary people), but Women

#thoughts #genderqueer #gender critical #gender things #sexuality is a spectrum

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Oh for crying out-

Yall I'm so for real right now, if I have to see one more person say something like "a Lesbian can't date a Trans man, it's disrespectful to both identities!" I will lose my goddamn mind.

The problem here is that you are conflating "Lesbian" with "only likes girls" and Trans man with "guy who previously identified as a woman". And these are both true, however there is one very important aspect you forgot while piecing these together.

Sexuality and gender identity are both fluid.

You saw the labels and logically thought "well Lesbians like girls, therefore being interested in a Trans man would be invalidating to his gender identity". But you forgot that key factor. We don't choose who we are attracted to. It's what we've been saying this whole time while the hets tell us to choose straightness.

Nobody ever falls into labels perfectly. If they did, history would be much simpler. But nobody gets to choose the way they feel. This is how these labels were formed to begin with. You think there was always a word for Nonbinary? Nope. But people explored, they learned about themselves and realized they didn't fit the bubbles that were already made.

Hell, I've had a Lesbian friend confess she had feelings for me even while I was a guy. To look her in the eyes and tell her that she's not a Lesbian anymore, that she needs to find a new label because this one isn't for her? That is what's disrespectful to her identity, not her own feelings.

I'm not saying these words don't have meaning, they do. And the distinguishment between them is very important. But like all things, they are still fluid. There is a difference between man and woman but that doesn't stop yours truly from being here.

If the fluidity of these things did not exist, many of the labels you like to force people in would not either. And once we begin adding ridged borders to what dictates who people can be, we become the same as the people who would have us dead.

#like this is the same mindset that leads to telling Bisexuals to “just pick one” #or bringing back the “can Lesbians date a NB person” debate #take it from the Genderfluid person. this shit is not linear. and we don't have any control on it #what we can control is whether we treat each other as enemies or as a family #trans rights #trans #transgender #lgbtq community #and as usual this discussion just excludes intersex folks #and don't even get me started on how your perception of attraction falls apart once we start talking about polygamy #lgbtq #queer community #queer #gay #queer labels #gender identity #gender is a spectrum #sexuality is a spectrum #gender is fluid #sexuality is fluid #and i swear if ANY of you comment without reading the whole thing i will send you a cake with sardines on it ong

[bumpingbees]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

I'm probably too tired/stoned for this and I have absolutely no idea why you sent me this anon.

But first of all, I personally believe that 90% of the population is bi/pan/poly/omni etc. Because almost all of us have an exception if we say we're only straight or gay. And the fact is, nonbinary and trans people exist. It's very hard to say "I am not attracted to any person outside of one specific gender" when you might be a straight woman say and see a masc presenting person who identifies as nonbinary. Well, congrats, you're not just attracted to cis men anymore. There are so many people we just haven't seen that we could be attracted to or not.

But also this goes for allo people. There are, of course, asexual/aromantic people who just don't experience attraction at all. I'm one of those people. I'm not sex repulsed, but honestly, I don't understand primary attraction to begin with. I've never looked at someone and immediately found them sexually appealing (though I can appreciate aesthetic from a back burner view if that makes sense.)

Seriously, anon, why did you pick an autistic agender asexual guy to make this question out to? Also I think the best way to answer your original question, some people just prefer dicks or vaginas or butts or mouths or nothing (etc.)

As Princess Bubblegum once said:

#anon ask #i know a lot of people don't view this the same way #thats okay #sexuality is a spectrum #humans are weird #just let people enjoy things #i'm high #and tired #please ask for clarification before judging #and I'm open to hearing how other people view this question #princess bubblegum #adventure time

[daisiesonafield-blog]

#richard armitage #celebs coming out #sexuality is not fixed #how you identify is not fixed #sexuality is a spectrum #be open

[meowyjean]

not just straight, not just queer, but a third secret thing

(one of those het-queer identities)

#heteroromantic asexual #acehet #transhet #aspec #acespec #arospec #transgender #asexual #aromantic #lgbtqia #sexuality is a spectrum #gender is a spectrum #asexuality #straight AND queer #ok jean #aroallo #alloace

[rome-theeempire]

Hey let's start a new trend in 2023 where we stop forcing ppl to out themselves just because you think their sexuality is your business based on some stereotypical reason like: their past relationships, and their clothing

#lgbtq #queer pride #black queerness #genderqueer #nonbinary #transgender #black lgbtq #trans pride #transmasc #trans boy #lgbtq community #bipoc community #gender is a social construct #sexuality is a spectrum #queer culture #queer community

[milleeeeeee]

girl at my school: i’m straight but sometimes i see girls and all i can think is, “God if i was gay i would so fuck them and date them”

Me:

#u sure ur 100% straight #i mean #…. #sexuality is a spectrum #you don’t sound so straight saying that… #just so you know #lol #funny #lgbtq community #lgbtq+ #gay #biseuxal #lesbian #queer

[monarch-maelstrom]

Okay I’m going to be honest here I was dressing up for something and I had drawn a mustache on my face. Most people thought it was kind of funny but when I looked in the mirror…

I liked it???

Idk if you guys know this about me but I’ve always been a more feminine non binary.

But looking in the mirror with a mustache I feel good?? And confident??

I’ve always loved seeing AMAB’s wear dresses. I always looked at them and was like damn wish I was born male so I could wear dresses like that.

So in conclusion. Gender is a spectrum you’re not just one thing. I still dress a little more on the feminine side but want facial hair. Don’t assume gender is boxes. Because it’s not.

Thank you for listening to my Ted talk

#man this was longer then expected #sorry i havent been posting #I’m cooking I promise #got some good soup for y’all #non binary #nonbinary #trans pride #transgender #lgbtqia+ #gender and sexuality #gender is a spectrum #sexuality is a spectrum #facial hair #not mlb #rant #mustache

[elialys]

hi! i hope you're having a good day. is it okay to ask what you love about helen and dale? when i watched the newsreader, i always felt like something wasn't quite right. like, maybe dale was trying to avoid the rumors about being gay by being with a woman he respected but didn't actually love, and she'd find out after becoming emotionally reliant on him and be devastated. what am i not seeing :(

Hi Nonny!

To be fair/honest, I don't think you're "not" seeing anything, to me it's more a matter of interpretation? The beauty of a show like The Newsreader that is so well written/executed/acted is that there are a lot of nuances. Everything you said, about getting the feeling that Dale only became involved with Helen to try and avoid rumors all the while trying to prove himself that he is *not* gay is definitely the 'vibe' the show was going for, and they heavily played on that ambiguity throughout season 1.

I see all that, too, but watching the show, I also felt like Dale's feelings for Helen were genuine. That they had a very real, 'instant' connection, that they *get* each other, the way people with trauma and heavy baggage get each other. I do think Dale loves her, but he's very confused and conflicted about his identity, and that's bound to impact his feelings & behaviors. So even if my heart goes "he loves her", my brain also tells me "oh this is so messy and potentially heartbreaking for all involved".

As someone who is a SUCKER for real, meaty, complicated human dynamics and emotions, it presses all of my buttons, and that's why I love Helen and Dale. Not because I think they're going to have a happily ever after (😬), but because they feel like real, messed up humans to me, two 'disasters' who are trying, and I find it fascinating!

ALSO, Anna and Sam have crazy chemistry???

#i also love the idea of Dale being bisexual not 'just' homosexual #bi people need the representation #especially one that is well written #he can absolutely have a gay crisis yet still have feelings for this woman #sexuality is a spectrum #season 2 is gonna break my heart i know it #Dale Jennings #Helen Norville #Helen x Dale #anonymous

[quodekash]

Statistically, there are probably more people who are queer than studies show, even compared to recent studies. 

Sexuality is a spectrum. Gender is a spectrum. It’s often impossible to know precisely where you are on that spectrum, but you can find a place that feels like it’s probably right, and go with that until it doesn’t work anymore. 

There’s also the fact that there are people who are probably marked down “straight” on these surveys and stuff, despite that label not actually being the one that is true for them, possibly due to not being Out yet, or due to internalised homophobia and/or transphobia - whether intentional or unintentional - thence the results are rendered unreliable. 

And we don’t know what it’s like to be in someone else’s mind. We have no knowledge of what attraction feels like, of what gender feels like, outside of ourselves and the descriptions others can give to us (and those descriptions are often faulty, confusing, inaccurate, due to them not knowing precisely what it is that needs describing - because they’ve never been in anyone else’s mind). One person might consider themselves straight their whole life, not knowing that the feelings they feel for the same sex are beyond platonic. 

So the results of so many of these statistics could be wrong, and we’ll never know, because we don’t know what it’s like to be inside someone else’s mind, we can’t understand precisely how someone else works and functions and who they are, because it’s so intricate and it’s impossible to know from an outsider’s perspective. People could spend their entire lives not knowing that the label they have for themselves isn’t the one that describes who they are as a person. 

But that’s also what’s so wonderful about the gender and sexuality identity spectrums. We can put a label (or not, if we don’t want to) on what we think it is that we feel and identify with on the inside, whether we know how others with that label feel or not. Someone’s pronouns might fit the description of a particular label, yet they identify with a different label - and sometimes no label at all. Pronouns and gender identity, although often linked, are not the same thing. The way I see it - and this is not the same for everyone, this is merely my personal view on it - pronouns are how you refer to yourself and how you would like others to refer to you, whereas gender is who you are. And for a lot of people, those are the same thing. But for others, they’re completely different. And that’s okay. 

Humans are so complex and have so many layers and sides and pieces that it’s impossible to find that one word that describes us and our identity entirely, without it ever changing. But we can find something and say “I vibe with this. This is what I am.” And we can even find another thing, realise we vibe with that, too, and just add it to our identity. Or we can find another thing and realise we vibe with it more than the first thing, and what’s so amazing about that is we can just drop the first one. It might’ve left some permanent stains on who you are now, but you don’t have to stick with it forever, you can find something new and use that instead. 

And a lot of the time you might not know what you vibe with. You might keep picking one thing up, realise it’s not right, drop it, pick up a different thing, but that doesn’t feel right too. The beautiful thing is we can make our own things to pick up if we want to. We can decide we don’t vibe with anything already existing, and create our own thing. We can decide we don’t vibe with anything, but we don’t need to, so we just stop picking things up, and don’t have anything to label what’s inside us. 

It’s all so complex and complicated and there’s so much to everything, and there’s no way to know for sure if we have the “right” label. But that doesn’t matter. We can find what feels good, and stick with that. We can change it, we can drop it, we can add to it. There are no rules in any of this. We are people and people weren’t made to fit in boxes. 

(It’s like calling someone sporty because they play cricket. Although those are often two things linked with each other, there are a million and one cases where someone could play cricket and enjoy it, but not see themselves as a “sporty” person. But they also could see themselves as a sporty person, despite only playing one sport. Everyone has their own points of view and perspectives and ideas on who they are and what they can be, and that’s amazing) 

#I’m so sorry this is probably very incoherent #I was walking home and had a lot of thoughts and tried my best to put them into sentences #my thoughts always interconnect and I can never stick to one topic when I start monologuing to myself #anyway I hope this is interesting or was fun to read or something idk #queer #identity #lgbtq #lgbtqia+ #gay #lesbian #transgender #gender and pronouns #lgbt #lgbt+ #gender identity #queer culture #being queer #genderqueer #non binary #sexuality is a spectrum #gender is a spectrum

[oathbreaker-oathkeeper]

One of the fun things about getting older is realizing that you don’t have to fit into one of those nice neat sexuality labels.

#sexuality is a spectrum

[gravehags]

is it weird that i’m a lesbian but still want to tail a barrage of fictional/unattainable men? i don’t think so but that’s just me 😌

#sexuality is a spectrum #i just know cardinal copia would treat me right tho #i’m just saying #about me

[legendarydragonperson]

🛑🛑!!!!!YOUNG ROYALS SPOILER ALERT !!!!!!🛑🛑

Seson 2 pisode 4:

#sexuality is a spectrum #young royals #young royals season 2

[boneappletits]

i wish cishets AS WELL as people apart of the lgbtqia+ community would stop alienating asexuals and excluding them from the bdsm community ! asexuality is a spectrum like any other sexuality. we should be able to express ourselves sexually without being invalidated. all queers are valid. 🏳️‍🌈

#lesbian #asexual #wlw #saphic #queer pride #gay pride #nonbinary lesbian #nonbinary #they/she #femme lesbian #femme nonbinary #🏳️‍🌈equality #🏳️‍⚧️ #loveislove 🏳️‍🌈 #gay ally #sexuality is a spectrum #lgbtq #lgbtqplus #lgbtqia+ #queer community #lgbtq community #bdsmlife #bdsmcommun1ty