#seriously that's so cool i expected to be screaming into a void when i made that first post | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yanderecandystore · 4 years

Note

PLEASE i need more of your among us concept, it was so good!

Hi!! How are you doing? I saw a lot of people want more of these, so I wanted to gain some time to be able to come up with more stuff about Yandere Among Us.

So, I hope you didn't wait too long. How about we continue where we left off?

But this time with an proper begining.

TW/Tags: Everyone is fighting // more characters because I hate myself! // Shy boy is a really suspicious boy // not as much as yandere tendencies, but maybe the start of them?? // All characters have real names, but calling each other by colors is a formal military way in this universe, ya know? // Mentions of blood and possibly (just maybe) scent kink 👀 // It may low-key not be like the original game but I tried ;-;

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

"- You're pretty sus, not gonna lie." Ch - 1 [Yandere!Among Us x Reader - Short Fanfiction]:

(Ch - 2)

"- And then I told her:' Yo, your chicken is dry as hell!' And then she beat me with a stick." You were currently talking with your best pal, Cyan! You two were in the cafeteria taking a snack-break, while everyone was trying to repair the ship by doing their own assigned tasks.

"- H-Heh, that's so you [Y/N]." Cyan said, although their tone was extremely off, like they didn't know what to say. They haven't eaten anything since the day began, and you were starting to worry if they were okay or not.

"- Buddy, are you okay? You haven't touched any of the snacks I brought you, you haven't even eaten a single marshmallow yet, and I thought these were your favorites!" You told them while shoving more potato chips down your mouth.

To you, the situation was mildly confusing, but to "Cyan" it was an absolute nightmare! How are they supposed to keep this up?? You're going to end up blowing their cover, they just know it!

They started to consider making you their next meal, yet if they did it right now everyone would be suspicious of them, since "they" have been with you ever since you two went to do tasks.

Stars help them, because things can go wrong any minute now! They were sweating under the suit out of nervousness and because of how hot and wet the suit was.

They didn't have time to clean the blood inside of the suit, so it was basically really, really sticky inside it.

They were disassociating until you've put your hand on top of theirs.

"- Cyan, what's wrong?!" You sound so worried, so loud yet concerned. For someone that was floating through space using asteroids to move around, your voice is so- Different, from the empty void out there. They aren't accustomed to this feeling yet.

"- I-I am! Don't worry about it, I, I think I just had a really long day, that's all." They lied through their teeth hoping that you would fall for it. But of course, you're way too stubborn to fall for that.

"- Are you sure tho? I- I could call White to see if you're sick, or maybe-" You were interrupted by the Cyan's scream while they suddenly stood up.

"- No! No, please- You-" Stars, they're terrible at this, aren't they?? They just need to shush you for now, they can't let you call someone else! The more people around them the more anxious they'll be and they will obviously be exposed to-

"- Look, [Y/N]-" -They tried to calm themselves, everything is fine, they just need to think of a way to make your worries go away- "- I'm fine, I promise, okay?" They said while putting their hands on your cheeks forcing you to look at their space suit's helmet.

You feel flustered by the sudden movement. Not only were you caught off guard by their sudden reaction, but-

This- this little thing that they did? Was starting to blossom a lot of unwanted flowers inside your heart.

' God, take a grip [Y/N]! You can't be all flustered in a time like this!' You think to yourself while shaking your head to wipe the lovey-dovey thoughts out of your mind.

You just can't help it though! You guess that ever since your team has been stuck in space- No, ever since you first met Cyan in the facility on Earth and were introduced to your team as their new crewmate, you have found yourself having a crush on Cyan. You hate to admit this, but yeah, they were always kinda… Cute, to you.

Ah well, Cyan was always the rascal, the flirty over the top one. The one that was always playing around yet also keeping their head strong when facing a conflict. Always so radiant yet so down to earth. Oh well, here you go, simping again, oh geez...

You try to wake yourself from your fantasy world, this is not the time [Y/N]!

"- Okay-y then! I-I'm really sorry if I was bothering you!" You try to speak up yet you stutter all the way, making you feel embarrassed at how silly you're acting right now.

And while you're dealing with your inner struggles, Cyan is looking at you really confused (not that you would be able to see it because of their helmet). There is something really strange about the way you talk to them that is making them wonder what your previous relationship with this "Cyan" human was all about, and wondering if they can keep it up with this charade if they observe you and learn more about, well, "how to be themselves" around everyone else.

Actually, this may work perfectly! By getting small clues out of you, they'll be able to decipher how to properly imitate humans!

But, they're still oblivious to human emotions, so this may take more time than expected, luckily you two can spend a lot of time alone-

"- Yooooo, look over there y'all!" You two heard someone shouting while coming into the cafeteria. Oh God, really?-

Of course it was Red, who else would be making fun of you two?

Well, he is not mean, he is just- ARGH!! He keeps picking on you for liking them, and it frustrates you so much when he comes looking all smug-

If your face could, it would turn itself into a tomato and probably pop off of your body and roll away from the embarrassment.

Wow… Okay, that was a little exaggerated, but still!-

"- How is my favorite couple doing on this pleasant evening?" He said while coming forward. His words making you turn on your defensive mode instantly:

"- We're not dating you know! I told you this nineteen times, Geez, stop being an ass…" Yep, really subtle how your cheeks lighten up at the idea of being a couple with Cyan.

And while the rest of the crew is now appearing into vision and coming forward to the cafeteria, Cyan is losing their grip ever so slightly- They can't handle this! It's- It's literally too many of you!

They can't take out every single one of you at once! This is terrible!

They need- They need to calm down and take this suit off. The heat is starting to take over their head.

"- So, how's it been for you two? Ya know, beside all the smooching-" Red says as he looks directly at you awaiting your delicious response, which was a little pouty face, so it meant that his job was done for today "- Have you guys finished your tasks?"

"- Oh! Well, we didn't manage to complete everything, the lights turned off out of nowhere and we couldn't see anything!" You tell him honestly. You're still kinda sad about it, it sucks to finish the day without completing everything you needed to.

Everyone's gathering around and sitting at the main table, it's time for a dinner meeting and assignment of tasks for tomorrow before everyone goes to sleep. God, you already miss your bed so much!

"- Ha! I knew it wasn't just in one room!... But yeah honestly me too, I couldn't finish my task because of the blackout. All that I needed to do was to swipe the card though!" Red said, while stealing one of your snacks, which earned a little "hey" coming from you, he was only joking though, as he returns the snack back to you before he can eat any.

"- Well, don't worry, tomorrow we can finish it!" Said Yellow, trying to lighten up the mood by being positive.

"- I sure do hope so-" Orange was about to say when Blue came in and interrupted all of you.

"- But what if we can't do any of them tomorrow?" Their voice echoed through the cafeteria. Everyone was silent as Blue's words caused a new feeling to arise inside the crew's hearts. Despair.

As no one was saying anything, they continued-

"- You guys seriously haven't noticed our situation yet, have you? We're floating through space because or engines have been broken by the asteroids outside, we can't even navigate this spaceship-"

"- We're trying to fix this-" Pink started, but failed to continue.

"- And while we keep "trying" and not actually doing anything, we are all in danger! Even the facility has stopped communicating with us-"

"- Blue! That 's enough!" White had interrupted his rant. His yelling was starting to get hold of Yellow's feelings, she was always sensitive to yelling and loud noises in general. Truth is, that the most positive person in your group was truly the most negative one in this scenario, yet she wanted to keep everyone together, to keep bringing hope inside everyone, even though she herself didn't truly believed in that hope.

"- W-We-" Yellow tried to speak through her sobbing, trying to hold enough strength to control her bottled up emotions from spitting out.

"- Come on, take deep breaths, I know you can do this-" Black tried to comfort her, like he would to everyone aboard.

"- We-We are all going to die here-e." She whispered in between sobs. Her breathing became more frantic and more desperate for air.

It's the eight time this week someone had a breakdown while everyone was present.

"- Blue, seat down." White asked, yet her normally stern voice made it sounded more like a command, which Blue absolutely despised.

"- I'm-" Blue started, yet, stopped themselves. Wanting to say something towards their distressed crewmate yet deciding to go away and miss tonight's meeting. Again.

"- This is stupid." They said before leaving.

"- Blue come back this instant-" White tried to call them, they didn't even look back.

"- … Didn't even apologise…" Brown said, trying to keep his cool even though he couldn't stand Blue's antics ever since the ship was stuck in space.

"- D-Damnit!" Orange punched the table with her wrists. God, she hated every single second spent in this hellish place. She only retracted her anger when she noticed Yellow flinching from the sound.

"- I'm- I'm so sorry Yellow-"

"- It's fine! D-Don't worry about it!" She said while trying to keep her own little charade going on. But after a month, no one believes her at this point.

"- Yellow I can lead you back to your room! Do you want to company?" Said Pink, their voice sounding just as sweet and cute as their personality. The only one helping everyone stay sane by simply being there and saying "Hi!" every "morning".

"- I would like it." Yellow had calmed herself down enough so she could at least say a couple of words. She said her good nights and followed Pink back into her room.

"- It's another meeting wasted." Green said while packing their things.

"- Well, it could be worse, right? Good night everyone!" Said Purple not really caring about anything at this point.

"- Oh, come on everyone! Shouldn't we discuss our tasks for tomorrow?" Red asked, if not begged for them to come back. How has this happened? How has all your crew started to fall apart so easily?

"- Don't worry Red, we can do that tomorrow morning." Black said while comforting White who was having a headache because of the endless fights inside the spaceship.

This was the third time just this week that your meetings were interrupted by arguing. This is only the second time Blue has actually been the cause of it though.

"- Maybe they miss their family?" Lime asked while referring to Blue.

"- We all do." Brown said while standing up and going to his own bedroom. Muttering something through his teeth that no one could understand.

The whole situation happened so fast, you couldn't even understand what just happened!

"- Are, are we-"

"- Yes [Y/N], you're all dismissed." White answered already knowing what you were going to ask.

"- Oh…. Do you want some?" You asked motioning the snacks up to her, which surprised her yet she appreciated the gesture.

"- Thank you…." She whispered. You nod your head and decide to give her some space. You knew that you didn't need to worry too much about it, as Black was there to help her feel better.

If Black wasn't in this ship, she would have already fallen apart. All of you would.

"- Well, I guess dinner has ended sooner than expected!" Red tried to joke to lighten up your mood, to which you give a little chuckle. God, today is a really terrible day isn't it?

"- Uhn, hey, you're okay? You have been quiet throughout the whole meeting." Red asked Cyan.

Oh. Oh no, please no.

"- Uhn? Yeah? I… did?" They're so dead.

"- Yeah, it was… Pretty odd. Last time Blue yelled you had put them in their place, and it was pretty cool of you to stand for Yellow like that". Red said remembering that day. He didn't have anything against Blue, as he knew Blue is trying their best like everyone else. Yet he didn't like how Blue started to act like an ass lately, especially not even apologising towards Yellow or even the whole crew for that matter.

Cyan was sweating like crazy. They were panicking at the beginning of the meeting because of the amount of humans surrounding them, but when they noticed how easily humans let their distrust control them, they decided to let them speak and see what would happen. Seeing them argue with each other made them feel calmer and safer.

' I won't die!' They thought.

But now? They're raising suspicion again, by literally not doing anything??! How is this possible-

"- Well, it is true but, I don't know Red, Cyan has been pretty tired all day, and besides, Blue doesn't listen to us anymore, so it wouldn't matter anyway." You tried to reason. Yes, Cyan was acting a little different, being a little more shy than their normal self but come on now, everyone has their bad days! Maybe today they are not feeling really well….

You looked up at them, trying to show sympathy to your friend who you still thought was having some personal issues of their own.

"- Yeah! Exactly… Today has been pretty crazy! I think I just need some sleep.". Yeah, really crazy! Their body had hit an spaceship filled with free food, and then they had to disguise themselves as one of the humans inside so they could easily take one by one. But now? They're regretting each second of it! Stars, the anxiety eating them from inside is worse than being all alone in space.

Well, if they ever get out alive, they'll at least have some cool story to tell their own kind about…. If there is anyone waiting for them to return, that is.

"- Oh… That sucks buddy, but you got an point, I guess we all need to relax, and hey! Tomorrow is a new day right?" Red smiled at you two, offering a little bit of positive before you two went inside your rooms. Well, he offered a little bit of positive and a hug, to which you had gladly taken.

Although, Cyan was at first really confused about this gesture, so they stayed a little further away from the sign of affection.

"- Oh come on! Stop being a dork, come over here already!" Red said as he pulled Cyan into the tight hug. It was comforting but you couldn't lie that you felt sandwiched between the two, you tried to warn Red that you couldn't breathe, and Cyan was still panicking but now for a different reason.

Because of the helmet, their sense of smell has been limited considerably, yet by being so near to your bodies, they realized they could still take in your scent. Or maybe it was all the blood inside the suit? Who knows, they just knew that the idea of a next meal was absolutely mouthwatering, and they weren't even hungry! Maybe the idea of having a whole place filled with eleven people was starting to make them salivate uncontrollably, as a child having to wait until they can pick their next candy from the jar.

Maybe they could basket in your scent until they actually feel the need to consume another crewmate.

Red was the first to break the hug, but not before fussing your hair.

"- Well, that's my goodbye for today! I need to restore some energy before I can give you two more hugs!" He entered the door behind him, which lead to his room. An oddly well organized bedroom which was only a couple of steps before your own bedroom.

And after your bedroom, there was Cyan's bedroom.

He gave his last goodbyes before closing the door. You can't help but appreciate that dork, the endless bickering between you two was pretty fun in your opinion.

While turning your back you noticed that was Cyan looking straight at you this whole time, which caused you to squeak in surprise. God, they were way too close! And your hair is a mess!

"- Sooooo… I guess we're alone now, right?" You asked timidly, trying your best to make small talk which still came off pretty awkwardly. You avoided their gaze while trying to come up with what else to say.

"- Yes. Yes we are." Cyan said, their tone was unnaturally dark for their nature, yet when you noticed them approaching you closer, you realized what you said.

"- Oh! No, I didn't mean it like-" You tried to explain the the misunderstanding, thinking that Cyan was about to flirt back with you, even though your comment was purely without malice! You swear it!

"- No making out in the halls, ya love birds!" Red opened his door and screamed, with his smug little face.

"- Geez get a room you two!" Said Pink from the other side of the corridor, their voice being really faint because of the distance between you.

"- We were not, okay?!" You yelled hoping Pink would hear it.

"- Shhhh! Some of us are trying to sleep here!" Orange banged on her door while scolding all of you. Even though she herself was making a lot of noise.

"- S-Sorry!" You responded.

Cyan distanced themselves from you, fuck, every single one of them was hearing you two. Were they all listening to your whole conversation? How were they supposed to kill anyone if everyone is this spaceship is an gossip addict? Always listening for the next tea to be spilled.

While looking at your face they recognized that same hue popping off of your cheeks. Are you perhaps sick? Actually, now they have mentioned it- What would happen if they ate a sick human?

"- Your face is red." They mentioned nonchalantly.

"- Sigh… Yeah." You sigh defeated. What's the point of hiding something that is in your face?! Even if it's fainted, everyone can tell at this point. The only person you aren't sure if they know it yet is, well, Cyan themselves.

"- …"

"- …" An awkward silent start emerging from you two, until they ask:

"- Is it because of me?" Did they, I don't know, brought some sort of sickness aboard with them? Are you passing out? Should they be concerned that your meat could be possibly damaged because of this sickness?

Although their tone is really vague, you still interpreted the question as one of their flirtatious jokes. Truth is that Cyan loves going around flirting with everyone, even with you! And they know that this makes you flustered, so you can't tell if they do it because it's fun for them or if-

Or if they like you….. A little bit.

"- Oh no! You won't fool me this time, I know what you're up to!" You say dramatically, trying to change the conversation to have a more silly tone, yet your whole attempt was dismissed, because as soon as you said that, Cyan started shaking anxiously.

You knew? You knew?! Oh stars, they're done for! They're so dead now!

"- W-What?!" They scream, please don't hurt them, they were only hungry and trying to survive!

"- … Uhn, Cyan? I'm joking." You tell your really skittish friend. Geez they really were acting weird! Normally they would have returned your joke but they are acting so easily terrified!

Did something happen in electrical while you were away?

"- Cyan… Are you hurt? You never told me what happened when the blackout happened." You once again ask them if they were okay. What if… They are scared because of something that happened in electrical? What if… They saw something?

"- What? Oh, I'm- I'm sorry! I didn't mean to freak you out like that." They laugh realizing that you were only "joking" with them. Honestly, your jokes are going to be the death of them.

"- Are you okay tho-"

"- Yes, for the fifth time, I'm doing fine [Y/N]." They… Growled? What? Their sudden anger made you take some steps back, what just happened??

They didn't realize how their tone had come off, they needed to be more careful if they wanted to keep your trust. You… You look so distressed! Did they scared you that bad? If not, than why are you distancing yourself? Why are your eyes so… Watery?

"- I-I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to…." And why were they apologising? Why does your frightened face cause such an intense feeling inside them? They were supposed to harvest your fear as an way to easily control the situation, but instead they can't help but pity your current state.

"- I've been, really stressed out, I didn't mean to yell." They say, half true, half lie. I mean, their first day is already being so strange and stressful, anyone would've expected them to end up blowing up at some point.

"- No! No, don't worry about it, I, sigh… Honestly I'm pretty stressed out myself. I guess I was so worried about you that I ended up bothering you with my questions." You say while guilt starts to form inside you. You haven't given them enough space, maybe you been pestering them too much.

To be honest, everyone was so on edge that you should have expected something like this happening, even from someone as chill as Cyan. Before you even considered finding a way to comfort them so you two could talk about it, Cyan was faster than you and had managed to trap you in their arms.

"- Hey, it's fine. Don't worry too much, I'm glad you're worried but I can reassure you, everything is okay."

It's an little awkward long hug, but you don't really mind, it's not as suffocating as Red's was. Oddly enough, Cyan wasn't being dishonest, but that fact only brought more confusion inside their mind.

"- Well… Goodnight Cyan, I'll see you tomorrow, kay?"

"- Yeah, sure…"

After some time spent looking at the ceiling waiting to see if everyone else had gone to sleep, Cyan had gotten out of their bed and started to unzip the space suit frantically.

Putting it on wasn't so hard, but getting out of it feels ten times worse now that they're sweating and tainted with the blood from the suit's previous owner. They don't need oxygen, but the feeling of suffocation inside that thing was starting to get over their heads. They needed something to cool down, anything!

So that's when the ventilation came into mind. The cold air coming from it was pleasant but not nearly enough for them, so they opened the top and got inside.

The cold air mixed with the cool metal touching their skin felt amazing compared to the heat and blood inside the suit. They need to remember to not only clean the suit, but to clean themselves very soon.

Without the helmet, their senses are so much better. They can hear and smell better, the vibrations passing through the ship helping them understand where they are and where they're going, as technically, they're kinda blind.

But who needs a great sight when they can easily smell and hear their prey from kilometers away? Speaking of which, the vents sure do help them a lot in that regard, as they can hear the soft breathing of all of your crewmates sleeping.

The smell of flesh is absolutely incredible! Just the thought makes their mouth water, maybe they deserve a little "midnight snack".

"- Eeny. meeny. miney. You!" They were deciding which one of your group should be the next, and the answer seemed pretty obvious, why not go to the nearest person?

It could lead to some issues with the other crewmates, but when they smelled your scent the need to enter your bedroom was way more important than considering the dangers of acting without thinking.

While entering your room as quietly as possible, they took a look around until they found your sleeping body almost falling from the bed. This is their chance!

Coming near you, savoring in your heavenly smell and dreaming what your taste is like, they-!... They stopped themselves from doing anything.

Your face is going to hit the floor if you continue to slowly slip from your bed.

You speak in your sleep sometimes. Not actual phrases, just occasional words. It's funny actually.

They poked your face multiple times out of curiosity. Were you awake or just dreaming? It seems like it's the latter.

You're still falling in slow motion. There is both the need to see what will happen next, and help you get back into bed.

They could just watch and see what happens. Besides, it is too dark for you to see them anyway.

Hmm… What should they do? Maybe they're wasting too much time by being here. They need to make a decision, it's to either kill you or to go back to their room.

After a couple of minutes of observing, another option has appeared, and they chose that one over the other options. They helped you get back into bed, hopefully you won't slip out again.

Maybe they should stay, just to guarantee you don't fall.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#yandere #sheep stuff #sheep's stuff #yandere x reader #yandere among us #yandere among us x reader #yandere fanfics #yandere fanfic #yandere fanfiction #yandere short fanfiction #special delivery request #special delivery fanfiction #some danganronpa style of despair

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backtobackbakubabe · 3 years

Text

I am the Alpha Now Part 14

Bakugo X Reader

Words: 2194

Masterlist

Reader is from America and somewhat of a delinquent with an alpha quirk that allows her to turn into a wolf as well as bond with dogs. She is sent to UA to straighten out her attitude. She ends up in a power struggle with none other than our favorite hot head. Words in Italics are words said telepathically.

“Wait, wait, wait… Shigaraki? As in the leader of the League of Villains and YOUR BOSS! That Shigaraki?”

Dabi’s grip tightened on the wheel, “You know I’m starting to question how smart the kids at UA really are? YES! That Shigaraki.” His eyes shifted to his mirrors as if to check they weren’t being followed. “He’s been a pain in my ass lately… He’s always been twisted and ambitious. But now he’s… I don’t know he’s unhinged. He’s gotten sloppy and I’m tired of cleaning up after him.”

You could feel the panic bubbling in your stomach. You rolled your window down and took in a huge gulp of fresh air, trying to settle your nerves.

Dabi scoffed, “Hey where did the ‘I’ll go feral and kill you all’, crazy bitch go? You look like you’re ready to puke all over my car.”

You closed your eyes as you continued to breathe through your panic. “Why do you even need me? Don’t you have some badass cremation quirk? Just light the dude on fire and call it a day. I don’t see where I play into all of this.”

A tense silence fell over the car, but you could hear Dabi speeding up. “Look I wouldn’t expect you to understand right now, but I have a role to play just like everyone else. Believe me I would love nothing more than to watch as that dusty fuck turned into a pile of ash. Hell, I’d probably roast marshmallows over it. But for many reasons that are none of your fucking business… I can’t.”

You finally found the nerve to turn to look at him. “I still don’t see why you need me to do it. From what I understand, long distance attacks have the most success with him, and I specialize in close combat. How am I supposed to fight him if I can’t let him touch me?”

Dabi was whipping the car into a parking garage now, the shadows taking over his features. “You heal right? I saw it with my own eyes. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I tested it earlier in the alley after you passed out. I saw how quickly your head was healing so I tried to cremate one of your fingers.”

Your eyes almost bugged out of your sockets, which caused Dabi to roll his. “What? Don’t give me that look. I’m a villain… I beat you unconscious and kidnapped you and all that’s what makes you mad? You don’t even need all ten fingers!” He parked his car and grabbed your wrist and pulled your hand up to your face. “Look you’re fine. It regenerated almost as quickly as I could burn it.”

You ripped your wrist from his grasp. Rubbing the spot his fingers had just been. “Just because it worked with your quirk doesn’t mean it’ll work with his. I’m not invincible.” You shuddered as the memories of being tortured start to stir in your mind.

He could see the hesitation in your eyes. “I need to make something clear. While I don’t necessarily mean you any harm… I also don’t give a fuck about your well-being. So, this…” He gestured to your pained expression. “Needs to stop. Because I don’t care. You may not be invincible… but you are expendable. You bite the dust, we’ll just recruit someone else. Maybe even your boyfriend.”

You froze. What did he mean by we?

Dabi got out of the car and came around to your side and opened your door. You looked around the parking garage behind him, looking for an accomplice. “Are you going to get out on your own, or are you going to make me drag you?”

You couldn’t see, hear, or smell anyone besides Dabi. So, you slowly stepped out of the car, all the while flipping him off. “I’d love to see you try asshole. Lay a hand on me and I’ll pin you down and pull out every single one of those stupid staples one by one with my teeth.”

Dabi leaned forward so his eyes where level with yours, “Don’t tempt me with a good time.”

Before you could even say anything another presence suddenly filled your senses. One moment it was just you a Dabi and the next someone was there behind him.

“Easy you two. As much as I would love to watch, we kind of need to get somewhere private.” You looked at the familiar man with the red wings. He gave you a sad smile, “There are a lot of people looking for you kid.” He gestured towards the elevator and you and Dabi followed. The man looked over his shoulder at Dabi, “Including your dad. Apparently he was ready to give her a job. He’s not too thrilled.”

Dabi growled, “More reason for me to keep her.”

You kicked at the back of his knee making him fall as you stepped around him into the elevator. “I am not, and never will be your fucking pet. I am an Alpha.” Your eyes glowed as your fury of being treated like a plaything grew.

The man standing next to you whistled, “Damn, I knew you were intense but that was probably the best thing I’ve seen all month. But I guess you’d have to be a little aggressive to deal with Bakugo every day.”

You tried not to react to hearing your boyfriends name, but your heart pounded. He knew Katsuki? You wondered if he knew if he was okay…

You gave him a harsh glare, “Who the fuck are you and how do you know Bakugo?”

It was Dabi’s turn to chuckle now at the man’s shocked expression. “Just a ray of sunshine isn’t she bird brain?”

The blonde man made room for Dabi in the elevator before pushing a button. His attention returned to you, “You seriously don’t recognize me? I’m a pro hero. Number two to be exact.” You stared back blankly and shrugged. His eyes widened, “Oh come on! I’m Hawks…”

You maintained a bored expression, “Nice to meet you… what are you doing here with an LOV member number two pro hero Hawks…”

You watched him squirm a little, but he soon wore a dazzling smile, “We go way back. Best friends some people might say. Not him, but someone I’m sure.”

The doors to the elevator closed and you could feel your anxiety starting up again. You were trapped between two strange men, who could probably kill you if they really wanted to. Hawks could see your tension and made an effort to trade places with you, putting you closer to the door and away from Dabi.

As soon as the door opened you stepped out. Welcoming the cool air conditioning tethering you to reality and keeping your anxiety at bay. You’ve been kidnapped before. You were doing everything you could to keep those memories buried.

Hawks lead you to a room that needed a key card and a six digit code to get in. Once the door closed behind you, you stiffened. You could feel your nails grow out to claws and your teeth sharpen to a point. They may not be trying to hurt you right now. But that could change at any moment.

Dabi took one look at you clawed hand and sighed, “I need a drink if we’re going to be behaving like this. Be right back.” He gave you a curious glance, “You want anything?”

You shook your head, not trusting your voice not to give away your subtle anxiety.

As soon as Dabi was out of earshot you pulled Hawks to you, “You never told me how you know Katsuki…. Do you know if he’s okay? He hasn’t done anything stupid has he?”

Hawks groaned, “We had to send out a search party for him. Lucky for us it’s kind of hard to stay stealthy in the middle of downtown with a giant fucking wolf dog.”

Your eyes burned into his, “So he’s okay then? Someone keeping an eye on him?”

Hawks patted your tense shoulder, “Physically, yeah… he’s fine. But you leaving like you did really did a number on him. He wouldn’t come back to UA without kicking and screaming the whole way. Kept saying shit like, ‘I can’t feel her’ , ‘somethings wrong’ he wouldn’t even listen to his red headed friend. What his name, the hard guy?”

“Kirishima?”

“Yeah! Him. It wasn’t pretty. He’s a wreck.”

Your heart ached. Not only as his girlfriend, but as an Alpha. Your instincts are screaming at you right now. Your only job is to protect your pack. He’s hurting. Mercy is hurting. And you are the reason why.

You walked away before Hawks could see the tear spilling over your cheek. You stepped to the window trying to get a better idea of your surroundings. Even though you had absolutely no idea where you were. You took a deep breath and slowly opened up the bond.

*******Bakugo’s POV***********

“No you don’t understand she’s not just gone, she’s fucking GONE! I can’t feel her anymore.” Bakugo paced back and forth in his room. Mercy sat on his bed, his eyes following him but saying nothing besides the occasional whimper. “We’re literally bonded now. I’m supposed to be able to feel her Kiri. I’m supposed to be able to instinctively now that she’s okay. And now it’s gone. There’s just a fucking void. She’s gone… I can’t find her. Neither can Mercy.” He ran his hands through his hair for the hundredth time. Keeping his frantic hands busy. “He said she could have turned it off…. Or she… she could be… she could be fucking dead! None of you seem to care!”

Kiri put his hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down, “Hey man, we’re going to find her okay. We just need you to calm down first.”

“CALM DOWN?! How the hell am I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN?! Did you not just hear what I said?”

Bakugo slumped to the floor and leaned against the end of his bed, letting Mercy put his head next to his. “We have to believe she’s okay. If not it’s going to drive us crazy. Look on the plus side. We are bonded to each other through her. If she were dead, wouldn’t our bond have died as well. As long as you can hear me I have to assume she’s alive.”

Bakugo reached up and started petting Mercy, “I hope you’re right about that. What happened last time… when she you know…?”

Mercy gave Bakugo’s cheek a quick lick, “The last time she died… I could feel the stress her body was under and then it was gone. Right now it feels almost like a closed door. The bond is still there, we just can’t use it. Then it felt like a brick wall. It wasn’t just her presence that was gone, the whole bond disappeared too. It was terrifying.”

There was a ringing in Bakugo’s ears. Had it been there long? Was his hearing deteriorating without you there to take care of him. Was there something wrong with the bond? Was there something wrong with you? The ringing grew louder and louder until it consumed him. He clutched his hands in his hair and yelled for it to stop. Tears pricked at his eyes as his breathing got shorter. He was on the verge of one of the scariest panic attacks he had ever had and then all the sudden his chest burst open with warmth.

He was bombarded with soothing thoughts and a happy relaxed buzz. He tried to grip it for dear life. This was you. He knew it was. He reached out the way you taught him, and he tried to find you. He got a quick glimpse of a cityscape through what looked like a window. But before he could figure out where you were it was turned off again.

He felt like he had been sucker punched. Kiri was looking at him like he had lost his mind. “Hey… are you okay. I know you can like talk to Mercy and stuff. But it still freaks me out. Then one moment your raging, then the next your crying, and then out of nowhere you look completely blissed out…” Kirishima sat next to Bakugo looking concerned. “I’m worried about you. You seem a little… unstable.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever we can talk about it later in therapy.” Bakugo pushed Kiri to the side and looked at Mercy, “You felt that right? That’s a good sign, right?”

Mercy barked and jumped towards the door, “She’s alive alright, and she wanted us to know it. From what I could tell she was unharmed. A little stressed out, but otherwise healthy. I couldn’t figure out where she was though. How about you?”

Bakugo was grabbing his hero gear and rushing towards the door. “Not a one hundred percent sure. But I have a decent idea of the general area.” He looked at a shocked Kiri who was still on the floor. “You gonna come help me save my girl or what?”

*****************************************

Tags :

@tspice283 , @realityisoftendisapointing , @imbi-101 , @thoughtfulpandazine2 , @hotarumorikawa , @huh-iwasntpayingattention , @starfishlovingbnha , @weebnumber3622 , @mixedfeeelings , @munchmunch01 , @inumorph @xxoperatexx @runrabbitrun3

#bakugo #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #mha bakugou #bhna bakugou #mha #mha x reader #mha imagines #my hero academia

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laukora1030 · 3 years

Text

Captain America: The First Avenger pt. 2

First off, spoilers if you’ve never seen the movies and you want to. And, english IS NOT my first language, so excuse me if I make mistakes.

Y’all, this specific scene reminds me of that scene where Elastigirl is trapped in all those doors and she kicks the guys’ asses. Like, tell me you saw Steve hitting this guy’s head with the door and your mind didn’t immediately take you to Elastigirl. Or was it only me? Just me? Ok, let’s keep on going.

Nvm, I found out why it reminds me so much of that scene. They’re dressed the same way!

Can we acknowledge how awkward Steve’s interaction with the imprisoned soldiers is? Who told him it was a good idea to say “I’m Captain America” to these people? Although fair, he did get them out rather quickly and he is technically Captain America, but I don’t know, it’s weird. Steeb, you liar, you haven’t knocked Hitler out at all.

I love Steve’s loyalty to Bucky. It gets annoying in the next movies, but in this movie it just shows me how alone Steve was and how important Bucky was to him, because when you have very little people who care for you, your instincts will always be to protect them.

I love the soldiers just wrecking havoc outside. It’s a fun scene seeing them fight back and use HYDRA’s weapons. How much property do you think they destroyed? Because I keep on wondering, did this act of rebellion from Steeb help turn the tide just a little bit?

There is a similarity between Red Skull and future Steve, and that is that, when they believe there is something more important than anything else, they are willing to sacrifice everyone and everything else for that. In this case, Schmidt was ready to destroy the entire base when he realized he was not going to win, just to save the studies, and future Steve was ready to endanger thousands of people to end HYDRA (CATWS), and to save Bucky (CACW).

I feel sad for Bucky. He was tortured back in the 40s, then for 70 years, and then he died and came back to life, how does one survive that? He is one strong man, but I just, his entire life saddens me.

I wonder what Bucky thought after he heard Red Skull call Steve Captain America. I would find it hilarious, even in that situation, but that’s just my weird ass talking. Why did Schmidt think he was Erskine’s greatest success when he looks red and Steve looks like this:

America, explain.

Another note to self: Schmidt is a bitch, but I love his car and I would go back in time to the 40s to steal it.

Bucky is so brave, though. He was tortured, experimented on, completely weak, and still, he put on a brave face and crossed that thing (I have no idea what they’re called) at a steady face, knowing that it could have fallen way before it did. Thanks to the Russo’s I had forgotten how much I loved Bucky Barnes. He is a great character.

Let’s talk about how pure of heart, dumb of ass Steve is. He had no idea he was gonna survive his little stunt jump, yet he did it with little hesitation because “I have to get my friend out of here”. Pure of heart, dumb of ass.

I can’t begin to imagine Peggy’s pain when she heard Phillips say that Steve was dead. Especially because if he was dead it would most definitely mean she would have no protection against whatever punishment Phillips saw fit for her actions. And yet she just won’t back down, because she knew she did the right thing.

The scene where Steve gets back with the 107th is such a great scene, because it shows exactly what Steve is made of. He has a strong mindset, he will fight for what he believes in, and he would do anything for others. It’s a powerful scene.

I wonder if Steve unconsciously wanted the praise he got at that moment. He was the small guy his entire life, the one who was beat and punched on a daily basis, and for once in his life he was being praised for something he thought he deserved. I think that deep down this is exactly what he wanted: recognition.

I wonder if Bucky’s face when Steve stopped looking at him was because he thought he lost his friend, because he was jealous, or because he thought he wasn’t needed anymore. Bucky and Steve grew up together, and when you see a friend you’ve always helped become something better when you’re not with them, I think that can seriously mess you up, especially if you feel like they don’t need you anymore, because, after all, they thrived after you left. I don’t believe he was that jealous, though. Yeah, he used to be the strong guy girls would look at, and now he wasn’t, but I’m inclined to believe it’s my third option. He was so used to going around saving Steve from his death wish (that’s what I call it, because I’m still surprised he survived all those years getting punched), that now he sees Steve save him and save everyone else, and he knows that, were Steve asked to go alone to a fight, he would not be able to do anything.

Steeb, you lil’ bitch, I know you don’t like cameras and stages, but that’s a medal of valour, I think it’s very important.

Can we talk about how hot Steve Rogers looks with his army suit? Because he does. Also, as I’ve said before, he ain’t dumb, so, if everything got enhaced with the serum, he must definitely had his intelligence amplified, and I like to believe that he has photographic memory, that’s why he could remember the map he saw when he saved Bucky.

I’m sorry, but what the fuck Steve? Who gave you permission to look like this?

(You’re welcome)

I like his team. Steve was always a good leader (I’m not even gonna touch CACW), he knew who to trust and who to take with him. Besides, like I said before, he is a great strategist. I think that’s what makes him such a great leader.

I guess I get why y’all ship Stucky. I don’t ship them, I love their friendship (once again, I’m not even gonna touch CACW with a ten miles pole), and I think they’re sweet, so I guess I can understand the ship.

Peggy Carter in a red dress is all I never knew I needed. She looks like a queen that will definitely punch you in the face if you deserve it.

I love the bar scene. The music is lovely, Bucky’s awkwardness is hilarious, Steeb and Peggy flirting is sweet as heck, and Bucky’s “I’m invisible. I’m turning into you, it’s like a horrible dream” it’s the perfect dialogue.

Okay, how did Howard get all of that glass on his face and didn’t get more than one single cut? Is he stronger than he looks or is it just movie magic? I guess we’ll never know.

Awkward Steeb is lovely as heck. But I don’t like the blonde. I guess it’s because I am not a fan of stolen kisses, I feel they would make someone uncomfortable.

Note to self: finally, a movie in sepia tones that isn’t situated in Mexico!

Coming back to the movie: the whole scene with the blonde woman is so freaking awkward. It was totally unnecessary. Like yeah, I get it was to show a jealous Peggy, but ugh, I hate it. Steeb looks son out of his element, it gives me that je ne sais quoi.

Note to self, again: if I ever want to date a woman, make sure not to talk to them the way Steeb did when talking about Peggy and Stark. Steeb, you idiot.

Gotta go back on track.

Stark said

The scene where Peggy shoots Steve’s shield used to make me laugh so hard when I was younger. Now it makes me irrationally angry. Peggy more so than anyone should know that bullets ricochet, she was lucky she that the bullets didn’t hit someone else after hitting the shield and just fell to the floor.

Three things about the different scenes after this last one, the one where Steve and the Howling Commandos raid all HYDRA and Nazi bases they can: Steve looks so cool on his suit, I love Red Skull’s car, and the Howling Commandos are amazing.

This is still sweet:

Bucky Barnes with a rifle could kill me any day, thank you. Also, I love this scene, it’s such an emblematic CA scene:

Oh oh, the train scene’s coming up next. What do I do now? Do I watch it, do I cry, do I suffer in silence (evidently no)? I was not prepared for this. I regret all my decisions up till this moment.

I’m never gonna get tired of saying that Steve is an amazing strategist. Just so y’all know, if it was me over the train, I would’ve already fallen to my inevitable death. Is it already clear enough that I love James Barnes more than I probably should? No? Then excuse me while I scream into the void aout how much I love this man. Also, him with short hair? 100/10 would recommend again.

I love how battered (I think I used the right word) Steve’s shield is. It’s a representation of his battles and it’s, I don’t know, it’s calling me. I guess I love when something shows everything they’ve gone through.

Ahhhhhh, THAT part is coming and I’m not ready!!!!! James Barnes, if you read this, I love you. It’s a painful scene to watch, if I’m being honest. Steve loves this man, in my opinion, as a brother, and seeing him at death’s door, you can see the pain on their expressions, one knows they’re gonna die, and the other one knows they’re gonna lose their brother. I don’t think I’d be the same person if that happened to me. And Steve’s cries, bitch, my heart.

That killed me, sorry.

I still admire Zola’s intelligence, and his sneakiness with the whole SHIELDRA thing. Like, I hate that bitch and I hope he died a very painful death, but he is a great character and I enjoy his scenes.

Who eats steak with milk? I just wanna know, find me behind the Denny’s.

I like the whole Zola and phillips scene, it makes sense, because of course he’d want to live. But tell me how you look at someone in the eyes and expect them to believe some bullshit about gods and infinite power? At least Phillip took the whole “his goal is everything” comment, because I sure as hell wouldn’t’ve.

Red Skull’s little speech about the Valkyrie is okay, I guess, but he mentions something that reminded me strongly of CATWS. He said “If they shoot down one plane, hundreds more will rain fire upon them.” I’m just thinking about the Helicarriers that were supposed to just, ya know, kill everyone that posed a threat to HYDRA. I think it’s a good parallel.

Note to self, again: I’m not gonna get tired of asking who was the idiot who decided to name this division HYDRA, made their slogan “if they cut off one head, two more shall take its place” then had their logo be an octopus without two extremities. Who do I have to fight?

I love the scene where everyone is screaming Hail HYDRA, because it shows you that, like Steve, Schmidt has presence, and a powerful voice, and he knows how to make people share his ideals. I enjoy it very much.

I feel sorry for Steve. I, listening to him talk to Peggy when he clearly has been crying, telling her that he cannot get drunk, which means that he’s tried it already, it’s a painful scene to watch. Chris Evans is such an amazing actor. He can emulate feelings so easily. Seeing him cry and suffer, God, it pains my heart. I honestly didn’t remember this scene, and to watch it without warning, well, it made me sadder than Bucky’s actual death.

“I’m not gonna stop until ol of HYDRA is dead or captured.” Brings a new light to CATWS for me, what about you?

I will leave it here, mostly because this shit is getting longer than I expected it to be. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did. See you tomorrow.

#mcu #marvel cinematic universe #marvel #captain america #CATFA #steve rogers #the first avenger #character analysis #peggy carter #bucky barnes #i honestly thank you if you got here #love y'all #hope you enjoy this

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slasherkisss · 4 years

Note

Mind if I ask to elaborate on that Nsfw with slender 👀👀 uhhh tentacle babe please?

[ >B) I was hoping you would ask that nyoho-]

previous ask here

Loosen Up [Slenderman]

You aren’t quite sure how you got to the place you were now, hidden amongst the darkness and dangers of murdering monsters and immortal deities who transcended time itself, but you weren’t about to complain. Now when the events that had transpired to arrive at such a conclusion had placed you in the presence of a particular faceless being of fear and abduction. No matter how serious and unnerving it was to be in his presence, The Slenderman was a being of comfort to you rather than fear.

Still, you often wondered how much ‘fun’ he could have… If he could even have any. The seriousness of his nature was what drew you to him, certainly, but once in a while you wanted to more ‘human’ things and, while he would comply, there was always a sort of stiffness in his movements. A reluctance in his shape and a change of development in his form the likes of which you could not fully comprehend with your meager amount of years on the earth itself. Often you took it upon yourself to try and draw him from his shell. To talk or dance with you in the way lovers did on television or in musicals you so often enjoyed watching, yet nothing ever worked. It was a difficult job but you were a stubborn person, not easily swayed by the level of despair brought about by one thing or another.

Which was likely how you found yourself in the situation you were in.

“Slender,” You spoke with a casual cadence in your voice as you did your best to hide the shaking excitement of the idea you had gathered in your mind, “Can I see one of your tentacles very fast?”

The being standing at your side slowly looked down in your direction, faceless mask of his head tilting to the side as if asking ‘but why?’. Biting your lip, you hid the smile against them as you bounced on the tips of your feet.

“Because. Please?”

Not ever one to refuse a request from you (unless it put you in some form of danger, and even then it was more of a side thought) a single dark tentacle slithered from the void on his skin, its shaking and shadowy figure dancing momentarily in the moonlight of the forest before offering itself to you with a hesitation you might expect of a deer and not a monstrous entity. You kept such a comment to yourself, however.

Especially as you took the tentacle in your hands, dragging your palms and fingers along its strange and smooth surface. It had a slight moisture to it, like moss on the side of a rock on a foggy night. Like the landscape of trees against a gushing river. Just that hint of moistness was cool and refreshing despite the warmth that held itself underneath.

Your hand wrapped around it, pumping and fiddling with it between your fingers. Beside you, you could feel The Slenderman’s body shiver, actually shiver, with shock and pleasure. His form shook, from his head to his feet, and there was a sort of growl echoing in between his lips as the tentacle arched itself into your touch with greedy desire, spawning more from its origins to push and fight for your hand’s attentions. You smiled and opened your other hand, touching a second tentacle that had gotten close to you.

Slowly your mouth lowered down on one, your lips finding it in a demure kiss that he could feel the smile on. There was one last, deep growl before a new multitude of appendages lifted themselves to wrap around your thighs and hoist you up, a couple securing your waist so you were trapped against them with firm charisma.

The tentacle you had kissed now shoved itself into your mouth, swirling its way between your cheeks before inching itself down your throat, making you nearly gag as tears sprung in your eyes and your body arched into the suddenness of the pleasure it presented to you.

His face was level to yours now as he moved the tentacle with slow, methodical pumps in and out of your slowly swelling lips, tilting his head once again as the deepest echo of a growl reverberated in your chest. As a hand reached out to stroke at your head, moving down to your torso where it gripped with long, clawed fingers at your chest. His voice, as it normally did, filled your mind with an accompanying headache of static that you had since gotten used to when talking with him like this. When he needed to ask you something without movements, but with true words. So you could HEAR him, properly and truly.

“Little trickster, aren’t you? Is this truly what you want?”

He removed the tentacle so that you might be able to answer him and you couldn’t help but admire the string of saliva that connected you to it as you gasped for air, tears blinking away from your eyes as you smiled with a cheekiness that made him shiver:

“I just wanted to get you to loosen up. You think using me would help?”

Your insolence wasn’t unnoticed, judging by the fierce snarl that seemed to ripple inside of your mind before the tentacle found its way back into your mouth, followed by a second. They pumped in and out of you at different rates while more surrounded your body, bringing you close to the monster you called your lover. Letting his hands feel your body and trail across your skin as skilled appendages like extra fingers pulled and tugged at your clothes until you were bare beneath his (lack of) gaze.

One of the tentacles from your mouth pulled itself out, making you whine slightly before it moved down to your core, pushing itself inch by inch inside of you. Your body arched into the touch, moaning out and gripping at Slenderman’s suit with a white knuckled grip. He felt your entire body against his, your heartbeat pounding away in your chest as you writhed on top of him. The growls and clicks of pleasure from his mouthless face grew more and more frequent with your pleasure. As your orgasm built heavy in your chest and a few extra tentacles touched eagerly at your nipples, you could only give a warning cry of his name as you approached your end.

Slenderman only increased the pace of himself, shoving an extra tentacle inside your core and making you all but scream at the suddenness of the stretch. The grip on your stomach and thighs were so tight that you knew there would be bruises left etched into your bare skin. Marks to prove who you belonged to and what you truly were. Property. Something to satiate hunger.

His.

“Are you close?” His voice was nearly teasing as it grumbled in your mind, “Show me then.”

And his tentacles went as deep as they would into you, your mouth filled with him suddenly as well to muffle your screams as you orgasmed, spilling yourself down his appendages and your own thighs as you gagged and twitched in response, slumping and spent against his massive form as he held you up with a satisfied purr in his chest.

Perhaps this did get him to loosen up.. Just a bit, though.

#anonymous #ask #slenderman #slenderman imagine #slenderman x reader #creepypasta #creepypasta imagine #creepypasta x reader

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waywardfacegarden · 4 years

Note

What is your ult fav anime and ult fav otp? You can only choose one *evil grin*

First of all, thank you so much for the ask!!!! I love getting asks, it always makes me so happy when people are interested in me, haha🤣💜 Second of all, the answer will be under the cut because... it somehow got too long... but I mean. You can’t ask me about ships or anime and don’t expect that with how much I babble here all the time about those things specifically, LOL.

So, anon, I hope you don’t mind me giving you an almost-essay as an answer to this!!🤣

HAHA, anon, you are evil!!!! bUT. I actually have an answer to this!! Haha. I didn’t need to think about it, either! As much as I absolutely love and die for a lot of animes, I always tell people my favorite favorite anime is Erased/Boku Dake Ga Inai Machi. I read the manga later and well, the manga is even better!! The resolution of the conflict, the background of the villain, the story is much more developed/better explained in the manga, but even when the anime is not a super amazing adaptation, I still think it did an amazing job!! The reason(s) of why this is my favorite anime is(are) simple: I love every single character (except. you know. the evil ones, haha). I’m usually not that attracted to protagonists, but Satoru has my heart in his hands. I’m so attached to him. He’s selfless, smart, tries his very best and loves so deeply. I absolutely love how the author managed the women/girls in the story, too. I started watching it without knowing a single thing more than “oh, he’s trying to solve a murder” and OH BOY, did I was surprised with the very first episode!!! Never ever have screamed so much and lose my shit that much with a first ep, and that’s saying a lot asjdkasjd. Maybe it was because I didn’t know a single thing, but either way, I was obsessed since the very first seconds. I love the villain, even when people say it was “obvious, lazy or predictable” since the start. I love Satoru’s mom. I love how it is dark and sad but just the right amount. I love how much it made me feel. I sobbed, and screamed, and laughed, and almost wanted to break my laptop while watching, too, lol. It seriously is an amazing anime. The characters, dynamics, the plot, everything was so well-done! I would die for the kids, for Satoru’s mom, for Airi. Their dynamics make me melt. The writing is fantastic!! I feel like time-traveling and solving murders are delicate things that, if you don’t know how to handle, are gonna fail you. If you don’t know how to connect things, the story is not gonna feel rewarding, it’s going to feel confusing. But with Erased, everything made sense and connected until the end, which is something I’m obsessed with. Add that to the freaking stellar animation, the aesthetic of it (I still love the subtle change in colors/that black framing in the “past” asdkajf), and the fact that I’m so, so, sooo weak for thrillers + science fiction-ish and kids as protagonists, lol. So, yeah, anon, that’s my fave anime, even when I love, love, love, LOVE a lot of more. I could talk about like, maybe 30 animes with so much love it would amaze you, lol. And that’s just talking about anime, ohhh how many mangas do I love, too... But yeah!!! Even if I don’t talk about this anime enough on here, I think is criminally underrated, and I talk about it to everyone irl I know, lol.

About my favorite ship!!!! HAHA, the thing is. I have like 500 ships and I probably would die for like. 100 of them. Easily. I even have my top of faves, tbh, haha. But my ultimate favorite ship is sasunaru/narusasu. Maybe it’s a very “basic” answer, I don’t know, lol, but I seriously think they always will be. I won’t talk so much about them because then I’d never shut up and this answer is already so long ajsdkadj (I feel like that twitter thread that is like “okay, i’ll try to be brief (1/475)” LOL). But the reason why they are my fave is because I’ve never became this obsessed with a ship before. They were the first ship I felt so deeply for. They had me since the very first eps and continued to rip my heart out, to made me FEEL so much for both of them; for their longing, for their yearning, for their love for each other. The fact that they’re two broken boys who found the connection they so desperately craved for in each other? The fact that Sasuke taught Naruto, a boy who was hated all his goddamn childhood for something he didn’t even know about, what love was, what sacrificing yourself for someone was, what caring was? The fact that Shippuden is about Naruto so desperately trying to understand, trying to make Sasuke understand, and loving Sasuke so fiercely back (without giving a damn about what other people said, without giving up on him, saying that if being smart meant giving up on Sasuke than he rather being dumb all his life)? The fact that the first part of Naruto is about Sasuke doing all those little things and making Naruto feel validated, loved, cared for, seen? And then Shippuden is about Naruto screaming into a void, trying to tell Sasuke “I love you, too, I love you back, as deeply as you did, and I want you to know that even if I don’t understand, I want to understand, I want to be there for you, I care for you so much that just the very idea of you being dead or hurt gives me an attack; I want you to be okay, and I’m never giving up on you”?? The fact that I still sob like a baby every time I watch ONE minute of that last battle and the fact that Naruto answering Sasuke to “you’ve been saying that all the time, but what exactly... does that (being your friend) mean to you?” with “even if you ask me, I can’t exactly put it into words. I just... when I saw you hurting, it... kinda... hurt me, too. So much that I couldn’t stand it, that I couldn’t just leave you alone” STILL KILLS ME LIKE THE FIRST TIME EVERY SINGLE TIME I HEAR IT. LIKE GOD. MY HEART CANNOT. It’s just so emotionally rewarding seeing they make amends at the end and also discover how the other has been loving the other back just as deeply as they did. -- They’re also just a bunch of tropes I love piled up together, tbh, and the kind of characters I love having paired up. The tsundere-ish kid with a dark past, that’s so kind and so selfless and loves so deeply that it breaks him plus the kid with the tragic backstory that’s basically The Sun itself, a bit dumb but also so caring and so cool, and the one that makes the tsundere-ish boy’s heart go all doki doki. Idk, I just love my rivals trope, my “could have been childhood friends if they just had the courage to talk” trope, the “I care so deeply about you and love you with all my soul” trope, piled up with so many emotional layers and so deep emotional connection??? Oof. They’re just my very first ship and the one that practically owns my heart and soul. They have so many layers and they hurt me but also melt me and heal me and make me fall in love with their raw, pure love. They’re soulmates, your honor. Haha. They just... really make me feel so much, I can’t quite explain it. As much as I love, love, love, LOVE all my ships, they’re... different, I guess. They even made me write for them. My very first fics, my very first tryings/attempts to write was for them. And to be honest, I was obsessed with Naruto for such a long time... (maybe because it was my first anime LOL). Sasunaru/Narusasu and all their moments (that I kid you not, I remembered like every little thing in the 700+ eps, even with the NUMBER on which ep it happened, of them. The exact lines, too.) was like, everything I talked about for like. Half a year or more, LOL, and my mom wouldn’t let me lie, she knows. After school, I was in the car and was mentioning for the 50th time that moment Sasuke recognized it wasn’t Naruto in the Chuunin Exams bc Naruto used the kunai in his other leg. LOL. I was eating and I was talking about the battle of the Valley of the End. It was dinner and I was talking about that ending with the lyrics “please kiss me, please kiss me all night”. I just. They’re so important to me. They mean so much to me. And I know I said I was going to be brief so I better shut up now ajsdkajsd. But, yeah, they’re my favorite. :’)

#asks #about me #sns #boku dake ga inai machi #erased #thank you so much for this ask anon!!!!#it made me so happy!!!!#it also let me ramble a bit about my fave things so. thanks a lot #hope you're doing super amazing!!!#hope you have an amazing week too!!!!!!!!!!#love you!!!!#take care!!!!!!!!! stay safe!!!!!!#*sending positive and warm vibes your way*#(i think the answer of the ship was kinda expected LOL)

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strayvisitor · 3 years

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Let's talk about who lives, who dies, who tells the story

Winter and Ironwood. How are they still both alive in the end. Or I mean, are they? If Ironwood somehow survives, is he going to be relevant to the plot again someday? Or are they just going to leave his fate open with "yea, maybe he drowned or whatever".

Ace-ops and the birds. I guess to surprise of many, Marrow is still alive. But one of them has to go, right? There's no way we can have them all survive. I don't feel much for losing Vine, but he seemed like a good guy, sure will be missed. But man do I feel bad for Qrow, as they all witness the fall of Atlas and no one is reasponding to his communication. He didn't even need to be at the void to get to assume he lost his girls.

Team RWBY. They're all dead. Rename the show.

Team JNPR. It must have been fricking hard for Jaune and Nora to watch RWBY fight and fail, and yet they had to follow through with their plan and stick to their roles. I wonder what went through Nora's mind when she thought she's going to get some help from Vacuo and then stepped into the sandstorm and pure chaos that awaited her on the other side, also quickly finding out she can't go back. And unlike anyone else there, she knew exactly what was going on in the portals. But I'm more than glad all of them are still alive, I was starting to be genuinely concerned about them. I did not expect Jaune to end up on the detour with RWBY, but I like his add to the mix. I wonder how Ren and Nora are going to cope with this loss, cuz as far as they are concerned, they are the only ones left out of the Beacon squad now.

Team RWBY. I was kidding, okay? But damn, imagine being this long lasting friend of them, fighting side by side with them and then watching them fall one by one. Poor Nora and Jaune, poor Penny, poor Weiss (she was keeping her cool for so long and suddenly she stood there all alone damnit girl). And now they are all gone and Nora knows and Winter knows and just how are they going to pursue without the girls that started it all, with half the gang they were, before they entered the portals. This is going to be so much to take in for all these people they left behind when they fell.

Cinder. Cinder is frickin playing Salem like wow? Actual wow? She's either very self-conscious or hella crazy for trying to trick Salem and damn I'm sure it's both of these. But this is where she gets interesting for me. Does she really believe she can be more than Salem one day? Oh girl... well, at least you have something more to offer when you decided not to die today. Is she convinced Ruby and the rest are dead tho? Most likely so. Oh I can't wait to see her face when they return. xD

Neo. Did she really, truly, for even a split of a second, believed, that Cinder is gonna pull her up? I always thought she's the one least foolish of them all and here we are. It's not like she didn't know she couldn't count on the grimm lady from the start. But well, now she's in the void with RWBY, and I wonder how this is going to play out. My mind is screaming don't redeem her, don't redeem her, she's not redeemable character, but she doesn't need to be to still be able to pull a good fight for the good guys againts Cinder, who's probably very high on her kill-to list by now. Also, I just find it hard to imagine team RWBY forgiving her after she was about to kill Ruby without a blink of an eye and was the direct reason for Yang's "death". But whatever happens with her and the gang in the void is sure bound to be interesting and I'm here for it.

Penny. Fricking Penny. Remember, when people though she's the new P in JNPR? Good times. I'm sorry, but was this really necessary? I suppose it counts as a surprise move, cuz who would expect they would go though so much trouble to keep her around only to kill her anyway (AGAIN). I loved this girl, she grew on me. I was so pumped to see more of human Penny around, exploring what it really meant to be alive alive, and now we're not getting that and it just doesn't feel right, she deserved so much more. Personal feelings aside, I'm still not happy. She didn't just die, she sacrificed herself. And Jaune was the one who went though with it. Just imagine him having to tell Ruby. Penny is gone, and he was the one who made the final move. He went through with something Ruby refused to do a few hours ago. Seriously, this talk is not going to be pretty.

They lost a lot of people that day, and it's gonna get to them.

#rwby #rwby8 #rwby8 spoilers #rwby volume 8 #rwby 8x14 #just summing up some thoughs #it went better than i would ever hope for until it didnt #the P in JNPR is cursed #see you on the other side

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oureuphoria · 4 years

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Worst of You - JJK 04

You meet him under horrible circumstances but that doesn’t stop you from developing a very abnormal and completely unsolicited crush on your local hot police officer™. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. Oh, and he has a lifetime’s worth of emotional baggage at 23.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know that you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy

Pairing: officer!jungkook X collegestudent!reader

Word count: 2,067

Note: Admit it, we’ve all panicked over grades.

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

You were never this anxious over a grade before but that essay had to have been some of your worst work yet. You were distracted - so much so that you forgot to fill out a misadventure form - by not only the traumatic events of that solemn Saturday night but also a specific officer that rudely invaded your thoughts and a best friend who wanted nothing to do with them. So yes, you were completely and undeniably panicking.

Unfortunately, there were still 7 hours before you’d get your grade back and you had no idea how you were going to kill the time. You dwelled for a bit, which was a pretty great distraction for the 8 blissful minutes that it lasted, but to no avail. You had nothing to do. Your morning class was cancelled, you had no students to tutor and you’d just finished the only Netflix series that you’d actually enjoyed and with it left your hope.

Sure, you were a little dramatic but there was absolutely no way you were going to get through the day without crying if you didn’t find a distraction and fast. Your mind went to a lot of weird places like taking a walk, or cooking, all very normal everyday activities that you would frankly rather die than do voluntarily.

However, the worst place your mind went to was when it hovered over Jungkook’s contact for a moment too long. Your finger slipped. No, it literally slipped and you didn’t even realise you were calling until you heard his distant voice from your phone. “Shit! Shit! Shit!” “Hello, who’s this?” You panicked and your hands began to fumble with your phone like it was some foreign object. Eventually you grew the courage to just greet the poor confused man on the phone.

“Hi.” The line went silent and you looked to check if he’d just hung up but he was still there, you could hear his breathing. “Who’s this?” Right. He didn’t save your number, and therefore gave you a chance to hang up and pretend this entire ordeal never happened but you didn’t think that far and before you knew it you were telling him your name. “It’s Y/N…” You heard a sigh of relief and then a sound of realisation before Jungkook started using coherent words. “So, Y/N, what’s up?"

“Did you try your best?” You groaned in frustration at his very general and unhelpful comment. “Of course I tried my best but this isn’t kindergarten. I’m not being graded on effort.” You angrily poked at your burrito and Jungkook just blinked in astonishment. Comforting you was a challenge and now he was fighting it first hand. “When I invited you to lunch, I’d assumed you’d be eating it.” You stopped poking the poor burrito and looked at him with a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry, I’m just stressed.” He waved you off, mouth full with his now devoured burrito.

After he finished his mouthful, he was staring at your food obviously. “Are you gonna e-” “Just take it.” He smiled before taking a giant bite of your rather untouched burrito. “Chief has us working double shifts, spring break is approaching, kid’s are getting reckless, you know the drill.” You nervously laughed though in your current state everything you did was nervous.

“Jeon!” A man dressed in a similar uniform approached the desk you were both seated at. You gave him a small smile once you noticed the badge that read ‘CHIEF’. “I’m sorry to cut your break short but that stolen car you’ve been looking for has been traced. You should go check it out before it’s moved again.” Jungkook nodded and gave you an apologetic smile that you immediately waved off. “Go save a life or something.” Although your comment was entirely sarcastic, Jungkook gave you a playful salute in response with a smile that made your heart swell. “I’m sorry, let me know how that grade goes.” You nodded absentmindedly, you’d momentarily forgotten about the grade and the fleeting feeling made you sad in its absence.

You walked slowly back to your dormitory from the police station and allowed yourself to be distracted by anything and everything. You even followed a pigeon for hell of it but just like you, the pigeon was going in elongated circles. You needed to return to your dormitory eventually and face the sad truth that was your grade.

Eventually, the time for the results to be uploaded had come and you were patiently waiting for your grade. You needed a 90 to maintain your GPA but you braced yourself for the outcome. All you needed was to pass and yet even that seemed so out of reach.

89.9%. You tried to laugh but it lacked emotion. Your professor had to be kidding. He seriously couldn’t just round that 0.1% to the 90% that you were sure he knew you needed. “Asshole.” You muttered under your breath but you smiled nonetheless. You did a lot better than you expected and this incredibly frustrating score was still a miracle.

Before you could get a chance to scream into the void, your phone lit up and the quiet buzz caught your attention. You were just expecting a message from your classmates wondering what your grade was so you certainly didn’t approach your phone with enough preparation for what you were going to face.

Jungkook 👮‍♂️ Hey, how are your results? Read 7:28pm

You stared at the phone for far longer than normal trying to formulate a reply but it was like all the brain cells in your head had collectively decided to combust without prior notice.

You Not my best but way better than I expected!!! Delivered 7:31pm

There was no time to dwell over your excessive use of explanation marks because within 2 minutes he was already reading your message. When the typing bubble began to show up you nervously gnawed at your lips to distract yourself from the anxiety. You were just talking about a grade and yet your fear was almost tangible.

Jungkook 👮‍♂️ That’s great! We should celebrate. Cafe at 3 tmr? Read 7:36pm

You were definitely not expecting that. In fact you were so unsuspecting that you almost replied with a thumbs up emoji. You typed and deleted at least 10 times before you replied with, ‘yeah sure :)’. Unfortunately, you couldn’t throw your phone into the depths of the pacific ocean from shame so instead you turned it off and prayed the horrible, tacky smiley face would erase itself.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

#jungkook #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #bts #bts imagines #bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts fic

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forestdivinity · 4 years

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there’s nothing for me but the dying

You make mountains from molehills, Reginald had always been fond of telling him, you let your fear control you, instead of controlling it. You crave attention; you leave yourself deranged for want of it- The thing was, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Something inside of him was an ache, a great yawning mouth that throbbed like it was teething at all times. It was hungry and all it wanted was to feed, to consume, to fill that emptiness with the tender meat of the world around him. Maybe it was the death of small things inside of him, he was rotting in all the places people couldn’t see. All his life, Klaus had flirted with dangerous situations in an attempt to fill that void. Around him was reality, always twisting. It was a volatile thing, split across two realms. Or he was the distortion, body snapped around an emptiness, trying to exist in life and death at once. Humans weren’t meant for such things, and it terrified him. He had to choose one or the other.

And so the danger-

It was fights with his father that would end with a crack around the ear that always left his head spinning. There wasn’t pain, or there was pain, but it simply melded with the ache of his being, that rot beneath his skin. More impactful than the pain was the touch, the blood beneath Reginald’s fingers, the heat of his hand. Life. And then it was the mausoleum, the cold that seeped into his bones, the hollowness of his body mirroring the emptiness of the room; at least until it was full of spectres, visages of the undead, drawn like moths to a flame. Or one of those sparkling, electric lights, the same blue as the glow of his powers, the cracked lava lamp of his body. Some metaphor, some dream. They flocked to him, all ice and incorporeality. That was Death.

Somewhere between the two, Klaus began to know other dangers. The heat of MDMA and the cold of a comedown (life, death, repeat, start again. It was all cyclical; he was the cycle, something never ending) the touch of a body, the concrete of an alley. He flirted with men and women alike, anyone who caught his eye. Anyone who offered a bump or a hit.

Danger successfully courted and all that.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” Ben moaned at him. It was a familiar complaint, barely a question at the point they were at now.

“Don’t kid yourself into thinking I have an answer.” Klaus told him, waving his GOODBYE hand in his brother’s direction. Something in his soul ached. Maybe not his soul - did he even have one of those? Was he alive enough? Was he human enough? Maybe it was just his body that ached, that old familiar thing. Rot split open his veins, it flooded through him with every beat of his heart.

What was even the point of that thing? It worked overtime and Klaus didn’t even want it.

“You must have a reason-”

“Oh, you know darling Benny. Benerino. Ghost of my life-” people were looking at him funny now, it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, “I’m here for a good time, not a long time and all that.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Klaus.”

“Drop dead, Benzo. Oh, wait-” He was tetchy, somewhere between the high and the comedown. Ben had been tetchy since he’d died and realised he was stuck with the one brother he’d never been closest to.

Screw him. Screw all the ghosts. Klaus had better things to focus on, even if Ben was the only thing haunting him now, it didn’t mean he wanted to stay sober. Addictive personality, he’d been told once, no drive to help himself. Then again, that doctor had also thought him schizophrenic.

Klaus couldn’t really prove him wrong. Maybe his father had listened to the ramblings of a psychotic child and decided he must be seeing ghosts. Who knew what he should believe anymore, all Klaus wanted was the high. It was the floating that he craved, that heat that flooded his body, the freedom from the expectations of his own mind. Maybe he’d been fucked up since birth, always pushing for more, always looking for danger.

Trauma response, CPTSD, suicidal ideation, another rehab center had written on a chart after three mandatory weeks of group therapy. His fingers had itched then, even though it had been a relatively nice place. Clean, smelling faintly of antiseptic - one Allison had clearly paid for.

He’d only seen two ghosts in his time there, neither one of them screamers. They terrified him nonetheless. Klaus was always terrified: of himself, of the world, of the living and the dead. When sober he remembered his father’s hand, the sound of it cracking against his head. Ouch, what a bastard he’d been. Thinking about Reginald always made his cravings worse. It was hard not to think about Reginald when he was sober. The man lingered in his mind like a bad smell. Klaus wanted to claw at the soft underside of his belly, imagined opening up the fragile skin there and letting all his rotten organs spill out onto the dirt. The thought gave him nightmares for weeks. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill again, a voice echoed in his mind., somehow he couldn’t tell if it was his father’s or his own. “I really think you can do it this time.” Ben told him on the day before they were let out of rehab. His support was nice, if obviously fake, they’d been through this dance enough times. They both knew Klaus wasn’t the type to get better.

Addictive personality. Attention seeker.

“Nah.” He said. Ben sighed, a low, haunted sound. Like a ghost!

“You’re gonna kill yourself one of these days!” Diego seethes from across the hospital room, it’s a wonder the nice nurse from before hadn’t kicked him out yet. She’d been blonde, like their mother, and brought him jello with a wink like she wasn’t meant to be spoiling him.

Klaus had liked her.

“Pish.” He waved his hands at his brother - brothers, Ben was standing there too with a frown. “Lighten up, it was only one measly overdose.”

“Fuck you, Klaus! Your h-heart stopped, it took two minutes to revive you-”

“Impressive timing. Down to the wire there. Gotta admire our healthcare system- oh wait.” Klaus rolled his eyes. Diego’s teeth were grit, above his scar Klaus could see the little vein on his forehead threatening to pop like bubblegum. Inside of him, something ached and snapped. The emptiness was brittle, stale, like it had been left for too long.

“I can’t keep fucking doing this.” Diego sounded angry, but that wasn’t unusual. Strangely, there was a pleading to his face, like if he gave Klaus big enough puppy dog eyes then Klaus would get down on his knees and promise to never do drugs again.

Yeah, right.

“Then don’t, I’m not keeping you here Diego-”

“You’re such an ass! You really don’t care about anything other than your habit-” Also untrue. Harder to say though, Klaus thought of street corners and vomit and club lights. Danger, flirted with.

Couldn’t Diego see he was already dead, dying, dried out in the worst of ways? Existing in two places was exhausting. Sometimes all he wanted to do was sleep.

Klaus closed his eyes.

Danger, danger, danger, it rang like a klaxon in his head. His ears rang like someone had smacked him. He could practically hear his father’s disappointment - or maybe that was just Diego scoffing.

“Don’t contact me again unless you’re clean, Klaus. I’m not gonna sit here and watch you die.”

“Sure, whatever. I’ll see you at the funeral then, hm?” There was a crash and a stomp and a few hissed swear words. Klaus didn’t bother to open his eyes - it was easier to hide his tears that way. Not to mention he didn’t have to see Ben’s disappointed look or the otherwise empty room.

Another month of rehab was ordered by the court, probably only because his daddy was rich and Klaus was still somewhat famous, despite the homelessness and the drug addiction. Childhood fame had its perks, as did the lawyer kept on standby for their family. Reginald wouldn’t rent him an apartment, but so far he’d kept Klaus out of jail - he wasn’t sure whether to be happy about that or not.

Eventually he settled on not.

It wasn’t as nice as his last one. Klaus saw a ghost with her wrists split, thought of the danger of a knife, and then thought of his brother.

His stay got extended another month. The lack of drugs was disappointing, but the attention was fun - in the same way that bee stings and casts were fun for about five minutes until the novelty wore off. God, was he bored.

-drive yourself deranged for want of it, echoes, echoes. Klaus thought of his father often and wished he had a drink or a pill to drown them out. At night they locked him into his room, restraints and all due to the word suicidal in his file, and he had screaming nightmares of the mausoleum, that cool, deadly place.

He needed to get out; he realised. Before, rehab had just been a pain. Something to endure between bouts of danger and death. Klaus bounced between his highs and lows and occasionally thought of killing himself in how most people thought of buying coffee when they were broke. It was hard to take the impulse seriously when he knew (had always known) that he was born halfway to his grave already.

You couldn’t kill something that was already alive.

Now, though, something had snapped. Maybe it was the loss of his brother. Maybe it was the soft leather restraints that they’d clasped around his wrists (as if he hadn’t been trained to escape cuffs when he was eight, as if he wasn’t a child soldier superhero).

“You’re okay, Klaus. You’re not there, you need to calm down-” Ben was telling him. Klaus realised he was crying - screaming again, maybe. Something was cracking, and the sound echoed around the room, like it wasn’t just inside him this time. And then he had a dull realisation that it might be his wrist. That was fine, fun even.

More danger. More pain. God, was he acquainted with it by now, the rot inside of him was going to slip out if he wasn’t careful. Klaus was going to slip out too, right out of this godawful place and out of reality too if he was lucky. He needed a hit.

He’d do just about anything for it.

Surprisingly, no-one had noticed his yelling. Then again, this rehab facility wasn’t as nice as the last one. The one before that? They had all begun to blur together, Klaus didn’t remember what number he was on now. Addictive personality, he remembered, letting your fear control you.

Fuck it, maybe they were right about him - who even cared any longer.

“Klaus, come on, don’t do this- at least get some shoes, Klaus-” Ben was talking, his voice felt very far away. Klaus removed the bars on his window without really knowing how - training had made escaping places instinctive at this point. Klaus hadn’t used the skills since he was fourteen and had gotten kidnapped on a mission but, well, it was like riding a bike! That was how the saying went, wasn’t it?

He didn’t know. He’d never leant to ride a bike.

And then he was outside in the snow, and it was still so, so cold. He realised he wasn’t wearing shoes, socks. Not even a coat. Still, he’d gotten by on worse before, hadn’t he? Another danger to dance around. Only. this time, there was no Diego to fetch him. Fine. It was fine.

The ghosts were somewhat easier to deal with for once, while he slowly froze under the foundations of some cracking bridge. It was winter again, like it was every year. Weirdly, Klaus always felt more alive as everything around him rotten and died.

Well, usually he did. Now he just felt cold and exhausted and on the brink of death. Ben had convinced him to find clothes. He had a pair of boots two sizes too big and a thick fur coat on over his blue gown. Inside of his shoes, his toes curled and went numb - Klaus hoped they didn’t fall off. Sure, he was rotten inside, but he’d rather not be rotting outside too.

If he went to the hospital, they’d just send him back to rehab (or worse).

Everything hurt from the inside out. The cold made his vision swim. Around him was the familiar stench of mildew and wet earth, like he’d been born and crafted from mud. Sure, it was probably the sludge that had once been a river, but that didn’t mean he liked it.

Maybe it was Christmas already? Klaus hoped it was, he hadn’t been very good but hopefully Santa didn’t mind - the bastard had a few decades worth of presents to make up.

“I’ll take a bottle of vodka and a bag of cocaine, if you’re out there fat man.” He muttered, hands shoved up under his armpits. It did little to warm them up - for as long as he could remember his hands had been cold.

Poor circulation, dear, don’t forget your gloves, his mother had told him, but Klaus knew better. He was dead and rotten on the inside, and corpses didn’t get to be warm.

“I can’t believe you’re still thinking about drugs-” Ben hissed, as if he had to be quiet. It was ridiculous, Ben was a ghost, and he still insisted on whispering at times, as if anyone but Klaus could hear him.

“Drowns out the ghosties, Benny boy!” Usually, Klaus would throw his arms out to emphasise his point, but he’s a little focused on making sure his fingers don’t fall off.

Useful things, fingers.

“I’m the only one here!” Ben huffs and looks around pointedly.

“Exactly.”

“God, you need serious help. The drugs aren’t some magic medicine, Klaus, you’re just an addict.” Ben’s voice was a sneer. It’s funny, they’d had never gotten along in life and they’re only doing a fraction better in death.

Death, because they’re both dead. Klaus is just a bit alive too. Maybe. Some days it’s hard to tell.

He shoots a glare at Ben. It does very little. Inside him the void aches, it wants to take and take and fill itself up on anything it can get. Ben should understand that better than anyone else but Ben is dead and Ben was always too similar to him and Klaus understands, he’s always been too much-

-mountain out of a molehill the voice inside of him reminds and Klaus snaps again.

He’s lost count of how many times he’s snapped in his life. Sometimes it feels like all he ever does is break.

“An addict who’s tired of hearing your voice!” He hisses. Ben recoils back and stomps off to the other side of the river where he sits and ignores Klaus for the rest of the night.

Well, Klaus assumes it’s the rest of the night.

He passes out after their fight and can’t remember if it was minutes or hours between the silence and the darkness. There’s a blissfulness to being unconscious, but when he wakes up the void is hungry as ever.

That’s the cycle, after all. He fucks up; he does something dangerous, skirts between life and death, has a fun time of it all and then fucks up again. Life, death. Living, dying.

Klaus is an addictive personality stuck somewhere between worlds. Sometimes he wants to blame the cycle for his problems, but he thinks the addiction is just what he’s like on the inside. Nature versus nurture and all that shit.

Maybe its nature versus nature. Himself against his powers. Life against death. God, he hates the contrariness of it all; it makes him want to vomit. Klaus picks himself up, wraps his coat around himself, and wanders towards a shelter he knows gives out free clothes.

In his body there is a beat playing out, it sings drugs drugs drugs, it sings attention seeker, it sings addict, it sings deranged with want, it sings complex post traumatic stress disorder, it sings mountains and molehills and suicidal tendencies.

Through it all there is the ringing of a hand against his ear and the chill of old stones against his back. Klaus whistles a tune as he goes.

Everything is absolutely fine.

#klaus hargreeves #tua #ua #The Umbrella Academy #Umbrella Academy #drug use tw #suicide attempt tw #self harm tw #abuse tw #addiction tw #ben hargreeves #diego hargreeves #Reginald Hargreeves #fic #character study #writing #my writing #klaus tua #klaus hargreeves character study

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bitchin-beskar · 4 years

Text

Broken Promises

Chapter 1: I’m Not Alright

Rating: M

Warnings: Trigger warnings: Mentions of rape, and violence against a pregnant woman, brief mention of violence against an unborn infant.

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: I struggled a fair bit with writing this chapter, and I’m not 100% thrilled with it, but I needed to get it written and published. The rating for this chapter is MATURE, and not the fun kind of mature. Please read the warnings, and if anything there is triggering, or makes you uncomfortable, please do not read this chapter. That being said, I hope you guys end up liking this chapter, even though it doesn’t move the plot forward all that much. The next couple of chapters will see some action though, so get ready for that!

*Also, the Mando’a that Mando says to Cerliah is translated at the bottom of the chapter!*

When Cerliah woke, the first thing she noticed was the pain. It wasn’t a sharp, stabbing pain, but more of a slow, dull, throbbing pain, radiating out of the side of her neck and up into her skull. Groaning, she went to sit up, only for a firm hand to press against her shoulder, keeping her against the bed.

“Easy.”

Blinking, she tried to focus on the figure next to her, but the bright light made it almost impossible. Almost as soon as she realized this, the shadow next to her moved, and the lights dimmed. It still took her a moment to realize the figure next to her was the Mandalorian.

She raised her hand to prod at the pain in her neck, but a gloved hand wrapped around her wrist, stopping her. “W–What happened?” Her voice was scratchy and hoarse, and she winced at the way it pulled at her stitches.

The Mandalorian slowly lowered her arm so it laid across her stomach, but he didn’t remove his hand from around her wrist. “What do you remember?” His voice was steady, calm, and it brought her more relief than she would have expected, having only known him for a week or so.

“Kuiil–he took out the transmitter,” it hurt to move her head so she continued to look at the Mandalorian. “He–He had to stitch me up, a–and you held me still,” Cerliah blushed as she remembered the way he’d held her. She hadn’t thought about it at the time, too worried about the transmitter, but now that her mind was clear, she was embarrassed at how she’d acted. “I remember being tired…” Her voice trails off as she tries to remember anything after Kuiil had stitched her up, but the only thing her mind brings forth is a hazy memory of a sense of comfort and a gentle swaying sensation.

The Mandalorian speaks up beside her. “I brought you back to the ship to rest.” His words are short and to the point, but there is no harshness underlying his voice. “You’ve been asleep for roughly two days.”

Cerliah starts at that, and she would have sat up in bed, had the Mandalorian’s iron grip not prevented it. “T–Two days?” She hates how her voice shakes, but the idea of being unconscious that long, unaware of herself and her surroundings for that long is terrifying, even though she senses deep down that the Mandalorian would not harm her. No wonder her throat hurts so bad.

“You’ve been on the Crest the whole time. The kid’s been up here some, but that’s it.” She’s sure he’s just informing her of what’s been going on while she’d been asleep, but Cerliah couldn’t help but feel as if he’s trying to… comfort her? Keep her calm? She’s not exactly sure, but it doesn’t matter, as his words cause her heartbeat to return to normal, no matter their original intention.

“You should rest some more.”

Cerliah tries to shake her head, but the pain in her neck dissuades her. “No, I should get up,” she protests, even though she makes no move to rise, the Mandalorian’s hands still holding her firmly in place. “Seriously, I should at least eat something, right?” The blank helmet stares at her for a long while, and just as Cerliah’s about to apologize, or ask again, or just say something to fill the void, he speaks.

“You’re right.” His hand is no longer holding her shoulder down, but slowly sliding behind her neck while his other hand tugs her wrist forward, and he helps her to slowly sit up. As she swings her legs over the side of the bed–a bed? She didn’t know he had an honest-to-maker bed on the ship–a wave of nausea hits her, and her hand flys out to steady herself on the Mandalorian’s pauldron.

They sit for a moment, and Cerliah struggles to breathe deeply through the roiling of her stomach. It’s only once the nausea has faded that she attempts to stand. The Mandalorian keeps his hand behind her neck, supporting her head, and the other one lands gently on her waist to keep her steady as she rises. She’d feel embarrassed, but she’s too focused on making sure she doesn’t get sick all over him.

Her legs feel like liquid, and she tightens her fingers on his shoulder, desperately trying to keep her balance. She can remember the last time she felt this weak, and the memories bring tears to her eyes. The Mandalorian brings her forward, and she rests her forehead against the cool beskar cuirass. Tears roll down her cheeks as she fights against the physical and phantom pains, before finally allowing herself to break down in a way she never had before.

She isn’t sure how long he holds her, but as her tears finally stop, he gently pulls her back, encouraging her to sit once more on the bed. She tilts her head up to look at him, cheeks still wet from her tears. “I’ll bring something for you to eat, okay?” He waits for her to nod before he leaves, and she slowly lays back down as he leaves the room. She looks around for the first time, surprised at the space. She’d stayed on a cot the whole week they’d been traveling to Arvala-7, and she’d never once suspected there was an actual bedroom on the ship.

There wasn’t much to the room. Like the rest of the ship, there was no decoration or ornamentation. The walls were bare, and the only other piece of furniture in the room other than the bed was a small metal chest. The sheets on the bed weren’t particularly soft, but they were warm and decently comfortable. As Cerliah found herself drifting off once more, she wondered if the room was the Mandalorians’.

***

Mando left the Razor Crest and made his way towards Kuiil’s hut. As he walked, he thought back to the woman resting on the ship. His opinion of her had changed rather drastically since he’d found her on Markon-Vel. When he’d found her, he’d thought that she’d kidnapped his son. But the more time he spent around her, the more he’d watched her interact with his kid, the worse he felt about his initial coldness. She’d taken to being on the ship in stride, and he was rather relieved to see that she didn’t seem prone to idle chatter. He was a man of few words, and she understood that. It was… nice.

He ducked into his friend’s home, finding the Ugnaught standing over the stove, stirring a pot of stew. Kuiil didn’t turn at his entrance, so Mando waited patiently by the door for him to finish. Kuiil ladled out some of the stew into a small wooden bowl, turning to face Mando, holding it out. “How fares your associate?”

Mando shrugged. “She woke up, but she seemed nauseous. I told her I’d bring her food.” Kuiil nodded, handing the bowl over. “Should she be sleeping this much?” He tried to sound nonchalant, but he could hear the worry laced in his voice.

“The surgery was exceedingly painful, and the emotional toll would have only made the experience worse. I am not surprised she has been sleeping.” Mando sighed, nodding to his friend before leaving his hut, and walking back to the Crest. He placed the bowl down on one of the crates, and ascended the ladder to get Cerliah.

As he walked into the room, he saw Cerliah laying on the bed, but she wasn’t sleeping peacefully, like he’d gotten used to the past few days. Her body was thrashing on the bed, her arms moving about as though trying to ward off some attacker. He felt like he couldn’t move, but when she opened her mouth to let out a bloodcurdling scream, he darted forward.

“NO, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP! I’M SORRY, PLEASE, NO! DON’T HURT MY BABY!”

His blood ran cold, and he froze at the side of the bed, hands hovering above Cerliah’s shaking form. She’d told him that his kid hadn’t been hurt, at least when he’d been with her. Had she lied? He grasped Cerliah’s arms, trying to keep her still.

He wasn’t surprised when she began to thrash harder, her shrieks growing in volume as she tried to get away from him. He was worried however, from the violence of her movements, she was going to tear her stitches, and maybe worse.

He made a split second decision, hoping it was the right one. He used his grip on Cerliah’s arms to pick her up partially off the bed, quickly sliding underneath her. He wrestled her sideways on his lap, one arm clamped down around her knees to stop her from kicking him, the other wrapped around her back, both of her wrists clasped in his hand in front of her. He pulled her tight against his cuirass, trying to stop her movements.

“Cerliah, Cerliah please, it’s okay, you’re safe, I promise. Please mesh’la, stop moving, you’ll hurt yourself. It’s okay, you’re safe.”

He kept repeating the words over and over, and gradually, her body’s movements began to slow, her legs and arms no longer straining to get out of his hold. He could feel the moment she woke up, as her body tried to tense, but the pain she must have been feeling prevented it. And then, the trembling started. Her body was wracked with sobs, her shoulders heaving as she tried to breathe through the tears.

Slowly, Mando began to rock back and forth, somewhat awkwardly, but it always worked whenever his kid had a nightmare–he didn’t want to know what the nightmares were about, but he was sure he could guess based on how clingy the kid became after he woke up–and couldn’t stop crying. He continued to mutter reassurances and at some point he unconsciously slipped into Mando’a.

“K’uur mesh’la, gedet’ye. Udesiir, udesiir, gar morut’yc. Bic naasad veman, bic vercopa. Ori’jate, mesh’la, udesiir.”

***

They were trying to take her baby. She flinched as another kick landed against her arms, but she refused to remove them from where they were curled protectively against her stomach. She could hear them–the ensigns, lackeys no doubt trying to get into the Lieutenant Commander’s good graces–hurling abuse and vulgarities as she lay on the ground, beaten to a bloody pulp.

She tried so hard to protect her baby. But there were so many of them, too many of them. They held her down. They held her down. They cut her open. They held her down and cut her open and ripped her baby out–

Cerliah wakes with a gasp, her whole body shuddering, tears wet against her cheeks. She doesn’t recognize her surroundings, and for a moment all she can sense is that she’s being restrained, and she immediately panics, trying to break free of the hold on her.

She can barely move, and it only makes her thrash harder. It isn’t until she realizes that the hands holding her are not harsh and violent, but gentle and caring that she stops panicking enough to hear the words being spoken to her. She doesn’t recognize the language, but the tone, the sound of the voice, paired with the harshness of a vocoder, that she did recognize.

She stops moving completely, sagging against his chest, becoming aware of the pain radiating throughout her entire body. The incision Kuiil had made in her neck was throbbing, the pain rippling out in all directions, making it hard to move her head. The muscles in her arms and legs are sore, and she has even less strength than when she woke up the first time. She can hear the whimpers escaping from between her lips, but she can’t stop them, the images from her nightmare–from her memories–vivid and clear in her mind’s eye.

The Mandalorian holds her for a long time. Cerliah can’t remember the last time she’d been held like this, comforted, by someone who just… cared for her. He doesn’t try to get her to speak, doesn’t push for her to talk about her nightmares, he just… holds her.

The still silence of the room is broken by the hissing of the door sliding open. Cerliah doesn’t move, but she can feel as the Mandalorian turns his head towards the door. He doesn’t say anything, but one of his arms shifts around her, reaching down. Cerliah was about to turn and look at what he was doing when something was dropped into her lap. She looked down, blinking as she realized it was Little One, wrapped snugly in his brown robes, peering up at her. His little hands were clenched in the fabric of her dress, and he looked at her with concern in his big black eyes.

“He’s been worried about you.” The Mandalorian’s chest rumbled underneath her as he spoke. Cerliah didn’t speak, but raised one of her hands to rub at the soft skin of Little One’s ear. “He didn’t want to leave you, even while you were asleep.”

Cerliah could tell that she wanted to cry, but she had no tears left to give. She bit her lip as she looked at the little being in her lap, his innocence so similar to that of her own child. “Why are you telling me this?” Her voice was a quiet, raspy whisper, throat sore from her screams.

There was a poignant silence, and Cerliah was beginning to think that the Mandalorian wouldn’t answer her, but he finally spoke. “You care for him.” His words were slow and careful, and she waited patiently for him to finish. “If I hadn’t come for him on Markon-Vel, you would have raised him as your own.” There’s no question in his voice, but she answers him anyway.

“Yes.”

He sighs deeply, resting one of his hands against Little One’s back as he looks down at the child in her lap. “You were having a nightmare.” Again, there’s no question, but she nods regardless. “You kept crying out, asking someone to not hurt your baby.” She closes her eyes tightly, but nods again, knowing that she can’t hide from this. “Were you… Did they…” He trailed off, unsure of how to voice his concerns, but she knew.

“No, you son wasn’t harmed while he was with me.” She breathed deeply, smiling softly as Little One used his grip on her dress to pull himself further up her body, and she cradled him in her arms, grateful for his comforting presence. “And as far as I know, he wasn’t harmed before he came to me.”

“Then your nightmare–”

“I lost my son.”

Cerliah cut the Mandalorian off, and she could tell he was startled at her words. “It was a few years ago,” she began, unconsciously tightening her arms around Little One. “The Grand Moff had one of his underlings, Lieutenant Commander Karkoff, staying in the mansion for a week. He… took a liking to me.” She shuddered, her voice heavy with disgust. “The help weren’t allowed to interact with guests of the household, but he didn’t care.”

She took a deep breath before continuing, the story dredging up memories she’d much rather forget. “He accosted me one night near the end of his visit, in a hallway,” her voice was quiet, but the words seemed to ring out in the small room. “He beat me, raped me, and left me lying there. I likely would have bled out if the Matron hadn’t found me.” Her voice shook, but she didn’t stop her story. “I fell pregnant. I’d told my Mistress, and her and the Grand Moff graciously decided to let me keep the child, at least for the first few years, before they sold him off.”

The Mandalorian stayed silent, sensing that she wasn’t finished. “But when the Lieutenant Commander came back, and found out I was pregnant, he… snapped. He caused me to miscarry in my e–eighth month.” Her voice broke, her chin quivering as she tried to stop her tears. “He k–killed my son, my b–beautiful, innocent b–baby boy,” she sobbed, turning her face and burying it into the soft fabric of the Mandalorian’s cowl.

He stayed silent, allowing Cerliah to cry for the loss of her baby, but inside, he was furious. Children were revered in Mandalorian culture, raised by the entire clan. Women who fell pregnant wanted for nothing, and were aided throughout the entirety of their pregnancy, attended by some of the best medics in the galaxy. Orphans of war were taken in, raised in the coverts, given a place, taught not just how to fight, but how to live, taught trades and skills that would help them live their lives even if they left the covert. To hear that this Lieutenant Commander murdered an unborn baby, his own son no less, was despicable. He was disgusted.

He knew he was growing attached to this woman. She had somehow wormed her way into his and the kid’s lives in the short time he’d known her, and as more time passed, he found himself wondering more and more how he was supposed to let her go.

Mando’a Translation: “Hush beautiful, please. Relax, calm down, you’re safe. It’s not real, it’s a dream. Good, beautiful, just calm down.”

(It’s not exact, but that’s the gist of what Mando is saying.)

#fics #the mandalorian #din djarin #oc #din x oc #mando #baby yoda #lil bit of Kuiil #cause I love him #this chapter is sad #and kinda depressing #i'm sorry #but I had to get it out there #masterlist #I See Starlight Series

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daddystevee · 4 years

Text

Crashing Down

(eventual steve harrington x hopper!reader)

hola mi amigos, im back. i fell off the face of the earth and im sorry!! Life’s been crazy af. thanks for all the support and i hope you guys enjoy this chapter. i kinda feel like it sucks but ya know idk. feel free to let me know in the comments also lmk if you ever wanna be tagged love you guysXx

catch up here

Warnings: none really?? Cursing?

Part 8/9

Word count: 2k

Summary: Sometimes things just don’t go as planned and your world just come crashing down, but it’s a good thing that you have people in your life to be there to catch you when you fall.

You watched your sister walked into your room so she could try and track down your ex boyfriend, Ms. Drisccol, the Holloway’s and Bruce. The seven of you sat quietly and patiently, waiting for any sort of news.

Nancy was on the phone calling around asking for updates and trying to get a lead, Jonathan was drinking coffee and marking off phone numbers. You carried on a conversation with Will about his new campaign for D&D.

After a while Mike began to get angsty because she ‘shouldn't be in there for that long and that it’s not good for her’. Mike and Max’s conversation slowly turned into an unnecessary argument.

“Can you guys settle an argument for us?” Max asks walking up to you, “Who do you think should decide El’s limits? Mike, or Eleven?” As the two kept arguing you decided to put your two words in and are easily ignored.

While listening to the arguing teens, you hop up from your seat and walk over to the fridge to pull out something easy to snack on like a string cheese stick and some strawberries. But as you go to shut the door Mike says something crazy,

“...so can we please just come up with a new plan because I love her and I can’t lose her again.”

You shut the door and turn your head towards him with wide eyes, “Say what now?”

And almost as if on cue El comes walking out the door saying that she found Billy. With Nancy finally off of the phone you take the opportunity to try to call Steve. You called his house and then called ‘Scoops!’, and got no answer.

In the back of your mind you couldn’t help but hope that he was ignoring you and not somehow mixed up in all of this mess, but little did you know that he was being beat senseless in a secret Russian base underground.

After letting Eleven cool down from her last session it was time to get back into it. You turned on the television to an empty channel then took your place on the couch next in between Max and Will and watched her put her blindfold on as she went into the void.

This was honestly the last thing you wanted to be doing on the 4th of July, you thought you’d be at the police station begging your dad for some money to go get some cheap fireworks to shoot off into the night for the kids. Maybe even snooping around in your dad's liquor cabinet, to get some goods for you older kids. Yet here you were sitting in silence.

That silence was soon interrupted by Eleven breathing heavily and is obviously in some sort of distress.

“El, are you okay? Are you okay?” Mike finally asks

You don't realize that you're holding your breath until you hear her respond.

“I’m okay” you hear her say weakly

“What’s going on?” you ask

“On a beach.” you all listen as Eleven continues describing a memory of Billy and his mom on a beach in California.

You watch closely as her calm breaths begin to pick up slightly,

“I think I found it, the source.”

“Where El, where are you?” Max pipes up and asks

“Brimborn Steelworks.”

Jonathan runs over to the phone book and looks up the address, it's close by. You told El that she needed to come out of the void so you guys can go. But that’s not what was about to go down.

El put her hands up to her face as if she was going to take the blindfold off of her face, but as soon as she put them up she put them back down. Something was wrong.

“Mike? Y/N?”

Her breath started to pick up once again and that made you start to freak out. You walked back over behind her on the couch and grabbed her shoulders to let her know that you were there but it didn't seem to make a difference.

“No!” she shouted, “Get away!”

She then ripped her blindfold off of her face and screamed making everyone jump. You moved your hands away from her shoulders as she cried and turned to Mike as he reassured her that everything was okay and that she was okay, at least in that moment.

As you guys regrouped, you got El some water and pulled a granola bar out of the cabinet, to make sure she ate something to regain some energy, then sat down on the couch next to her. You listened to Mike and Lucas talk about the Mind Flayer and listen to what El has to say about what happened to her, but it’s hard for you to focus. There are so many things in your head that need to be processed, but the main thing you think about is Steve and his safety. The two of you had been through so much and you don’t know what you would do if something happened to him. One thing El says finally catches your attention,

“He also said, he was gonna kill all of you.”

“What? Who?” you ask with your thoughts still stuck on Steve.

“Billy?” Max says but in a ‘are you seriously not paying attention right now’ tone

“Oh. Yeah, well, that’s nice.”

You hear a screeching sound off in the distance, and you see that Nancy hears it too because she gets up and walks towards the window. You hear it again before Nancy asks if anyone else hears it.

“It’s just the fireworks” Jonathan says after a few moments of silence

“Billy,” Nancy says, turning around “When he told you this, it was here, in this room?”

Everyone turns to look at El for an answer hoping that she would say no, but that wasn’t the case.

“He knows we’re here.” Will says.

Jonathan leads you all out of the house and you get a glimpse of something far scarier than a Demogorgan. The next thing you know you’re suddenly preparing for a war that you weren’t expecting to fight in this very moment. You lead Nancy out to your dad’s gun shed behind the cabin to get the essentials. The two of you walk back in the house to see almost all of the windows boarded up or blocked off and all except one door blocked.

Nancy picks up one of the guns you got from the shed and points it at the front door as you all gather in the center of the living room, looking around at every sort of entrance. The next minutes went by in a flash. The Mind Flayer attacked, Nancy shot at it a bunch, until she ran out of ammo and El fought it almost single-handedly. Suddenly the thing grabbed hold of Eleven’s ankle and almost took her away, as it intended to. Luckily Lucas grabbed the ax and took its tentacle, arm thing off and it dropped El.

You saw that the part of the Mind Flayer was still attached to her leg so you took it upon yourself to rip it off causing El to scream out in pain. She took it like a champ and stood up to finish off the creature by splitting it in half. Upon doing so she fell back into Max’s arms, but while you had the chance you wrapped your arm around your sister and helped her run out to the car.

While you guys were in the convenience store you got in touch with Dustin on the walkie-talkie and there was a code red situation, most likely meaning that him and Steve had somehow gotten into this mess. Once you guys had gotten Eleven all cleaned up you piled back into the car and headed to the mall where Dustin said that they were from what you could understand.

You entered in through the upper level entrance with the help of Lucas’ slingshot, sending a rock to break through one of the doors. You quietly moved around the upper level with no sight of anyone, you then heard someone speaking Russian from the lower level. Walking away from the main group you walk towards the rail that would overlook onto the bottom floor to see where the talking was coming from. You see a bunch of guys walking around and it seemed like they were looking really hard for something. Will notices that you aren’t with the group anymore and they suddenly join you next to the railing.

All of the guards are now focused on one specific area and you can’t help but get this really bad gut feeling. El notices the worry on your face and grabs hold of your hand. You look at her and a look of relief washes over your face.

“I think they might be over there” you whisper to El while pointing at one of The Great Cookie

Eleven nods in acknowledgement, then takes a step forward. She sticks out her arm and focuses on the car next to the guards. The car alarm goes off and that causes all of the guards to turn their attention away from whoever was behind the counter and to the car. They look up to see what’s causing the car to move, but before anyone could do anything El sends the car flying towards them killing them all instantly.

You see not one, but four heads pop up from behind the counter. You’re relieved when you see that one of those four people is Steve.

“Thank fucking God.” you say to yourself but it doesn't go unnoticed. Max nudges you with her elbow cocking an eyebrow at you with her signature smirk. You just roll your eyes and look back down over the ledge.

You see everyone start to head for the non-moving escalators so you follow in pursuit. Once you make it to the bottom of the ‘stairs’ you run directly to Steve and cling onto him like it’s the last time you’d ever see him. He hugs you back with just as much force before you pull away,

“Steve, what happened to your eye?” you ask holding onto his face checking out his face for other injuries.

“You know, evil Russians and what not.”

“The Russians?! Like secret code Russians? Shit”

“Secret code?” you hear Max ask

The next couple of minutes consist of everyone catching up on what's been going on. Learning that Steve, Robin, Erica and Dustin had been stuck down in a Russian underground base for the last 2 days all while you dealt with Billy and the flayed. No wonder he hadn’t been answering the phone.

You all converse back and forth until El collapses to the ground, when asked what was wrong she says that it’s her leg that hurts. Jonathan pulls off the bandages from earlier and reveals her bloody shin, along with something moving inside it. You almost vomit at the sight and have to turn away, Steve reaches out and puts a hand on your shoulder and rubs slightly.

As they were trying to get whatever was in her leg out, El was screaming out in excruciating pain, you couldn’t bear to see her in so much pain.Tears started forming in your eyes, when Steve noticed he held out his arm to you and you bury your face into his chest so you don't have to watch.

Jonathan did as much as he could until it was unbearable for her and she said that she could do it herself. As she was screaming, you turned around to face Eleven after the glass wall from the store behind you shattered all over the floor. You watch as she removes the piece of the Mind Flayer from her leg and sends it flying across the floor. As it tries crawling away a foot comes down and squishes it. You all look up to see who the foot belongs too, and an exhausted smile creeps onto your face, it's none other than your dad, Jim Hopper.

Taglist:

@ughhhitsfan @eleventhdoctorsangel @chloe-skywalker

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #robin buckley #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley imagines #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #jim hopper #crashing down #kait writes #steve harrington x hopper!reader #hopper!reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fic

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figuringouthowtobehere · 3 years

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please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood.

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now.

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it.

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would.

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

#childhood abuse tw #tw #tw alone in the world #suicide tw #please dont reblog this #no rb #homelessness tw

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meltsyoutodeath · 4 years

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AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

I actually did this

Enjoy... I think?

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"F@ck you, mom!" - a voice screamed, followed by a strong, shiny black flash of light, apparently concentrated around something. The void was completely blank, so not noticing something so attractive was almost impossible. They ran in it's direction, sure that would find a strong opponent to fight and raise their abilities as a strong, undefeatable anime-like fighter. Each fight was an opportunity of having their own anime plot!

They approached the light, that got slightly less strong as with each step. They stopped when they saw the source of the light. A... girl? What? What the heck is that? They couldn't understand if it was a human or a skeleton. They saw a portal closing behind her, with angry human noises coming from it. They ignored the fact that they've never seen her before, and shouted:

- YOU! FIGHT MEH! NOW!

She stared at them, confused. The weird light disappeared as she started laughing, becoming a weak, yellow light. Turns out the light came from a ring on her finger.

- You- you wanna- f-fight me?! - she almost srceamed while saying that, laughing more harder each past second. Ignoring this, they continued:

- Yeah! I will show you the power of a true hero!

-Hahahaha! Gosh, you're funny! You almost act like a shounen protagonist! You know that, right?

- JUST FIGHT ME ALREADY!

They yelled, summoning two fount/ain pens and creating shurikens with their ink. They throw three of them at her, who easily dodged the attack. The weapons lost strenght, hitting the ground and stantly becoming ink again.

- I expected nothing else of such an opponent. OUR BATTLE WILL BE LEGENDARY!!!

They created more 10 shurikens, holding 8 of them between his fingers, and quickly throwing the other 2 at the girl. She jumped, and once more the shurikens hit the ground and became ink. With her eyes closed, she said, poiting a finger at them:

- Ok, so you really do want to fight me, uh? Very well, I will only dodge, if you are able to hit me, I will start taking this more seriously, k?

They nodded, mad at the fact that she wouldn’t take’em seriously.

- Hehe. This isn’t even a bit of my true power! I wil prove my worth to you, and in the end, the power of friendship shall prevail!!

They throw the remaining shurikens at her, who dodged again, with eyes closed. Even if they were getting irritated, they were really pumped, and determined to win.

They kept attacking, drawing more and more shurikens, kunais, anime-like swords, if you doubt he summoned a Kahehameha of pure ink. But it didn't matter, she would always keep dodging, until the moment she summoned a book. Yes, a book. And started reading, trying to make a reference to Kakashi in classic Naruto. Always saying their attacks were doing nothing, and he had to try harder or theh would never be taken seriuosly by anyone.

- Hehe. You underestimate me! I've been revising Naruto lately, and I'm becoming a genius!

They made a random hand sign, along with their best effort to make it look like a super cool thing, and it seemed to get them really excited.

- Go on, buddy. Give me your best shot then. - She winked with the... human eye? What... is she again? Anyway. Suddenly, she felt something moving behind her. Unsummoning her book, the girl sighed, right before jumping high up, to see that their hand movements (at least the ones they were doing NOW) weren’t useless, he was actually controling the ink from all the previously failed attacks againt the enemy.

Suprised with the fact that they could think, the girl carefully dodged his attacks, that finally, in a ‘last effort’, almost wrapped around her leg. Quickly, she teleported out of there, appearing behind the skeleton (the one that really is a skeleton).

-Hi. Are you with the idea of giving up already? This is getting kinda boring, ya know?

The ring on that thing’s finger stopped with the solid, normal moss green coloration it had the hole battle, becoming a pale, boring blue. Sadly, the skeleton couldn’t see colors, and even if they could, they wouldn’t notice something like a rings color.

They turned around, surprised by her sudden appearence behind them. By instinct, they summoned one of their fountain pens again, and slashed the enemy’s right side of the face. She laid the her bone hand over the new born scratch. The ring on her finger became fully blank, and suddenly it was a lively green.

- Did... did I hurt you? OH MY GOD, I’M SORRY, I DIDN’T MEAN TO-

- Hey, that’s fine! I know healing magic, don’t worry.

The hand over the scratch started to glow in the same color of the ring. Suddenly, her skull was clear as new, no scratches, no injuries, nothing.

- Hey, this last attack... I told ya to hit me so I would fight you seriously, right?

- Yes! And as I said, the power of friendship (and protagonism) always wins! With my friends by my side, I will achieve all my goals, and reach my dream!

- Okay then, congrats. But... - in the middle of the sentence, the opponent made a creepy, scary smile. Her ring turned reddish grey, and a kind of black, gross fluid started falling from her eyes and mouth, the right side of the head turned only bones too. Three red knives appeared between her left hand fingers, in an attempt to make it scarier . - DOES THAT MEANS YOU STILL WANNA PLAY, BUDDY?

She did a strong, mean voice, that scared the skeleton a little, but their shounen protagonist personality wouldn’t let them show it. Pulling theirself togheter, they shouted:

-No, I am not fighting you again today! I could hurt you!

The girl’s head went back to normal, just like her face. The ring turned into a lively orange.

- Aw, worried with the enemy? You should be fighting me, not giving me free mercy. - she replied, attempting to make them mad.

- Only because I’m sparing you this time, doesn’t mean our battle is over! My name is Domino, and you better remember it, beacause that’s the name of the one who will defeat you!

She left a grin out, that made Domino kinda mad. Truth be said, she was also a real weeb, and wanted her own anime cool story. That was the chance of a lifetime, who would waste that? She never had a rule about being the hero, has she. Even if she’s the kind of person who makes justice in a Death Note like way. Joining the show, she smartly replied.

- But- you were way too strong... during your battle, I was finally able to notice, I can’t reach my full potentail all alone! I don’t want to be your enemy anymore... instead, could we be... friends? We have more chances against the forces of evil if we are working togheter, right?

Actually... she will never admit it, but she really, really did a good choice by playing along. Proud that they had finally turned an enemy into an ally, like in almost all animes, Domino proudly accepted the request, using the opportunity to make another speech about the power of friendship.

Both talked for a while. They asked which kind of monster she was, so it was explained that she was the result of the love of a random Sans and a random Chara. And so she had the magic of both of them. After a good, long talk, the girl said she had to go, and got up from the ink chair she asked the new friend to make... poor soul, unaware that the ink still left stains...

The mid-mid oppened a portal, with a really unorganized room on the other side. With one foot already on the other side, Domino couldn’t help but intervein.

-Hey, before you go, I still don’t know your name, and that’s against all anime rules I know.

She turned around, staring at him.

- Oh, yeah, that. Actually... I forgot my name..

-What... wait, HOW? Are one of these guys who had a really traumatizing experience and doesn’t remember anything? Or maybe you fell from somewhere, and- NO, NO, it’s probably the crack on your skull that-

-Nah. - she stopped them, before the situation got out of control. - You wish it was something like this. Actually, no one ever called my name, only mom, but one day she just started calling me “daughter”, or “little demon”, things like that. My friends don’t know my name neither.

- So, how do your friends call you?

- As I have no name, I just gave me one. They call me Knia.

- UUU... weird name. IS IT JAPANESE?

- Sorry bud, but no. Well, gtg now.

She fully entered the portal, and Domino was leaving when a head appeared from it.

- By the way, it was really KNIfe to meet yA.

Domino smiled, He said bye again, and then the portal closed.

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OH GOSH I DID IT!

I DID IT IN ONLY A DAY! YESH!

GEEZ! I’m so happy right now!

Domino belongs to - @lollzida

Knia bleongs to - me

(post about Knia without her name because yes)

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BONUS

“It was a big day” - they tought, sitting on the voids ground. - But at least I made a friend! And had an amazing battle!

Suddenly, they heard a weird sound, followed by a strong, shiny dark blue colored light.

- Hey, Domi?

They turned around, surprised by the unexpected visit.

- Did you come for another round?!

- Not really...- she replied, with a sad look on her eyes.

- Are you okay?

Silence made it’s presence in the room. Finally, Knia managed to speak.

- Can I stay the night? Mom and dad are fighting with some weird guys of the government...

- Of course! - he replied, without hesitating - we are friends after all, right?

- Thanks, Domi...

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undertalethingies · 3 years

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Self Indulgent Self Insert Fanfic, Part One

I am sitting in my room, not doing much of anything, (as per usual) when I look up and notice that my mirror has apparently transformed into a solid wall of inky darkness as I’ve been spacing out.

And well- it’s not like I can not poke it, right? There’s a high chance I’ll seriously regret it, if my life has become the isekai it appears to be, but there’s a 100% chance I’ll regret it forever if I don’t touch it, you know?

Everyone always assumes I’m risk averse, that I like to play it safe, but the truth of the matter is I’ve just never found something I really want to take a risk with.

So, I push myself out of bed with a hand and go grab my shoes, because there’s no way in hell I’m touching something that might be a portal with no shoes on. Thankfully, I’m actually dressed for once, rather than being in my bathrobe like usual.

Once I’ve got my shoes on, I grab my coat from where it hangs by my dresser and walk straight into what used to be my mirror. I hope my parents aren’t too worried by my disappearance. Maybe I’ll be lucky and this will be the kind of isekai that retroactively erases me from existence? That would be kind of nice, to exist without tethers.

The portal (because that’s what it is, I’m pretty sure) feels cool, but not unpleasantly so. Like when you first put on a fleece sweater and it takes a moment to warm up.

If this were a stereotypical isekai story, things would quickly become very unpleasant in this dark void, and some godlike being would reach out to grant me power beyond my wildest imaginings.

I’ve never been one to cave to expectations, though. Not even my own.

The darkness remains cool and comforting, and I continue walking forward because there’s no chance I’m going to turn back now, with so much possibility awaiting me if I only continue long enough.

Eventually, I feel as if I’ve passed some threshold, and something definably changes within me. Can’t say what, though. I’ve always kinda sucked at interpreting what my body is trying to tell me, so I’ll probably have to figure it out on my own.

At some point the darkness and walking grows boring, and so I do what I often do when bored, and curl up to go to sleep. This place isn’t cold enough for me to need a blanket, and I’ve got my coat with me anyway, so I’m fine. Sleeping on hard surfaces isn’t unpleasant, in my opinion, merely a bit annoying, since if you pick the wrong position you’ll inevitably wake up sore.

As always, consciousness takes a while to fade, so I occupy myself with grand imaginings about all the wonderful (and terrible, I’ve got anxiety okay, I can’t help it) things that might await me.

When I wake, it’s immediately obvious that something is different. There’s light now, for one, and for two I can feel something soft and organic beneath me. Judging by smell alone… Flowers? Waking up on a bed of flowers in a lit room… Well, I’ve always wished I could live in Undertale, if only so I could chew out the characters for bottling up their feelings so damn much. Hey, maybe if I’m lucky, that one headcanon I have about Sans secretly being a teenager will be right and I’ll be able to flirt with him without it being creepy.

Oh come on, like everyone attracted to dudes and not overly hung up about species concerns doesn’t want to kiss that guy, are you kidding me? Plus, I love puns and I’m depressed, surely we’ll get along.

Oh boy, I’m definitely going to die, huh? Thank fuck for my high pain tolerance and ridiculous resistance to trauma, am I right?

Finally, I open my eyes, because I like to wake up slow and I see no reason to alter my existing routine simply because I’ve apparently been yeeted into my favorite video game. Hey, speaking of favorite video games, will I get to visit Hollow Knight next? No, wait, that would probably suck, wouldn’t it. Ah, well.

The cave is just as beautiful as I always imagined it would be. Though it looked lovely in the game art, there’s truly nothing that can compare to seeing the sight in person, those marble pillars in a half circle around me, that single spot of sunlight in the ceiling far (far, far) above. Not to mention the lovely flowers I’m laying on at this very moment and- there’s a dead body under me, isn’t there. Is Chara going to show up, or am I left to be alone in my head?

Though their narration doesn’t actually start until you meet Flowey, in the game, so I suppose I’ll just have to wait and see.

Wait.

Wait wait wait.

Which human soul am I taking the place of right now? Because I read a fic once where the protagonist wasn’t the seventh, even if it was a fakeout, and I very much do not want to be saddled with the fate of those poor bastards.

Though, maybe I’d be able to talk my way out? There’s no one who’d call me diplomatic, for sure, but I’m pretty great at knowing exactly where to aim an insult to utterly break someone’s spirit. (Unusual skill, I’m aware, but in my defense I was bullied growing up)(I say “growing up” like I’m not still doing it, like I’m not fourteen and trapped in a world where it’s an accepted fact that the protagonist will die, and several times over, too)

My first order of business is Flowey, before I can take the time to freak out, to hold myself tight and weather the sheer panic that Toto, I am not in Kansas anymore.

I get up. I give a last fond look to the beautiful cave I’ve “fallen” into, and I walk to the next room, hoping all the while that I’m not signing my own death sentence.

Once I’m a few feet in, there he is, in all his fucking glory.

Flowey the flower, the soulless remnant of prince Asriel Dreemurr, former hope of the underground, possibly still holder of the ability to control time itself.

Yeah, I’m definitely going to mess with him. Self preservation is for losers.

“You’re a flower with a face,” I say before he can start with his usual greeting. I have it memorized anyway, so it’s not like I’m missing out on anything.

He makes his T-T face, so I know this isn’t how he thought this would go.

“Wow, human! What gave you that impression?” Ooh, sassy. Literally his only positive trait.

“Well I have eyes, see,” I was planning to ask him probing questions, but honestly this is just as good. His expression doesn’t change as he says his next sentence, nor does his ever cheery tone, (and holy fuck his voice is just as vaguely creepy as I’d imagined, all that childlike innocence paired with the fact that he’s a mass murderer)

“Well howdy, human with eyes! I’m Flowey, flowey the flower!” He says. I don’t interject.

“You’re clearly new to the underground, and it looks like I’m the only one around to show you how things work around here! Are you ready?”

…

“I’m really not, to be honest. I’ve got no idea what’s going on,” So my plan here, basically, is to stall until Toriel gets here. Mostly because I’m hoping that if he doesn’t get the chance to do his betrayal, he’ll keep pretending to be nice, which will be hilarious since I’ll know he’s faking the whole time.

Admittedly, this significantly increases the likelihood that Toriel won’t come to save me when he inevitably finds a secluded place to murder me, but if I think too hard about the long term right now I’m going to scream, so.

“Well you see, human, you’ve fallen into the underground, a land inhabited by monsters! Don’t worry though, we’re quite nice,” Oh right, conversation. I wonder how much info I can get out of him…

“What’s a monster? Like, I know what it means on the surface, but that definition is pretty vague, and I don’t want to be accidentally racist,”

His face pops back to the usual smile. (Side note: his face looks like it was drawn on with sharpie and it’s totally messing me up)

“A monster is a being made of magic!” Ok, that’s… a bit vague, but not really inaccurate. I guess he doesn’t want to get into the science, which is a damn shame, since he probably knows it backwards and forwards due to all his reset shenanigans.

“Woah, cool. Magic is real? How does it work without breaking thermodynamics?” Finally, the question I’ve always wanted to ask. If energy can’t be created, how the fuck does Toriel shoot fireballs from her hands? What is she drawing on, what is the fire burning, how hot is it, how does it keep being on fire, etc. etc. repeat for every magical display in the game.

“Well, a lot of it isn’t super understood. Scientists have mostly been pinning it on ‘dark energy’ like they do with every other phenomenon they don’t totally understand,” I wonder why he’s so willingly entertaining my time wasting antics. I know, in game, he didn’t realize he’d lost control over the timeline until after his first talk with Frisk, so maybe he’s just waiting it out to see where it goes? And then of course he must be planning other things to do with me before he takes my soul and goes to the surface…

“God, I hate dark energy in science. I know they just call it that because not much is known about it, but I’m thirsty for knowledge, you know?” Actually ‘thirsty for knowledge’ describes my mood like 90% of the time. Huh, actually, I have that in common with Flowey, right? Even if his knowledge thirst is just due to boredom.

“Hey, human, me too! Learning new things is great!” There’s a loaded sentence if i’ve ever heard one. When was the last time he learned something new? He’s supposedly read every book in the underground, but how much information from that did he actually retain?

“Isn’t it? It’s why I love Youtube so much. Free information for anyone who cares to make a few clicks!” Wait, he probably doesn’t know what Youtube is, actually.

“What’s Youtube?” He asks, cocking his head.

“It’s a service where you can upload videos or watch videos other people have uploaded,” Not the most nuanced explanation, but it’ll do for now. Before Flowey has a chance to respond, a fireball manifests next to him.

I don’t smile because I’m pretending to be shocked, but I’m laughing my ass off on the inside. The face he makes is even more ridiculous in person.

Enter Toriel, queen of the monsters, mother of no living children.

#undertale #undertale fanfiction #undertale fanfic #self insert #i'm not tagging it reader insert because the insert is very specifically me #flowey #this is purely self indulgent so i'm making no effort for it to sound polished

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jawnjendes · 4 years

Text

can’t see in the stormy weather | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

NOTE: this is NOT the new series. this is a one shot that takes place during the early stages of their relationship... you’ll find it in the Season 1 section of the masterlist :)

goth gf playlist | masterlist

When Shawn asked me to make a playlist describing who I am, I almost threw myself back to California. I don't know what it is about people wanting to know things about me, but it's annoying. I detest it.

It's not like he made me a playlist full of sappy love songs. He just wanted to hear songs I identify with. That was borderline terrifying because Shawn is a musician. He lives and breathes music and analyzing lyrics and melodies. What's he going to think if he finds Halsey's "Without Me" or 5SOS's "Invisible?"

Oh yeah. I deeply project whatever bits of me I discover onto songs. Then I stick to those songs and keep them on repeat and I make sure no one knows about them because then people would know things about me. It's irrational and unrealistic but that's how my stupid brain works. Anyone who's ever known me needs to disappear! They can't have the luxury of knowing me and all my secrets! What the fuck would I do if Shawn and I broke up? I'd have to kill him, that's what.

"What, are you gonna kill me too if we stop being friends?" Stella asked. "Seriously, it's just a playlist. It doesn't have to be that deep."

"I told you what the prompt was, right?" I replied.

"Yeah. And that is because Shawn knows you don't verbally express yourself about… anything. So he gave you a different outlet."

Fuck, I thought I was the psychology major here.

Yes, it was easier to let Shawn in through ways where I didn't have to say things out loud and explicitly. I had to admit that. But he was still going to find out things I had yet to tell him. Important things apart from the anxiety and semi-regular therapy sessions.

"Why don't you just pick generic songs you like, and not the ones that reveal too much?" Stella suggested.

I scoffed. "I'm closed off, I'm not a liar."

"It's not lying. Everyone's favorite song means something. I was listening to Big Time Rush when I touched down on Toronto for the first time. Everytime I hear Boyfriend I think about how I successfully made it out of my parents' house."

As nice as that sentiment was, I couldn't bring myself to find ways around the prompt. I had to do what Shawn said: compile a bunch of songs that I feel represent who I am. Besides, making playlists is… really fucking fun.

It took an hour of adding, removing, and very specific placements, but I was happy about my playlist to the point where I was nervous. I sent the link to Shawn the next morning when I knew he was on the way to the gym. Figured he’d listen to it during his morning workout and get it overwith. But no.

No.

Basically, I’m a fool who forgets she’s dating a musician.

So here I was, thinking that Shawn would make of what he will about the songs I chose and we would never talk about it. Wow, was I fucking wrong. How did I not expect Shawn to want to know the why?

He was a little sneaky about it too. Shawn invited me over to his place after my classes, and why the fuck would I say no to that? Of course I went over, internally cursing myself for not shaving my legs the night before. He usually had the TV on and a steaming mug of chamomile ready for me whenever I came over no matter the circumstance. Today there was only tea, and a stupidly excited Shawn.

“We have music to listen to you today!” he said when he had me on his couch.

He knew I wouldn’t play dumb either. And because of the fact that I was looking at his stupid beautiful face, I couldn’t move away from this topic.

“Cool…” I said stiffly.

Jet Black Heart - Live

He pulled up the playlist, which I had titled with the black heart emoji, and hit shuffle. Completely going against the very intricate order I put each song in. He was surprised to hear an audience screaming at the first song, but he recognized the tune that came shortly after.

“Why’d you pick this one?” he asked, his arm going around the back of the couch, watching me with his stupid pretty eyes.

I chuckled. “It’s a goth joke! Everything about me is dark, even my heart!”

“And there’s a hurricane underneath it?” Shawn guessed. He really was going to pick apart the lyrics and apply them to me, huh? “Any reason why it’s the live version?”

The answer wasn’t anything too telling or cheesy. It was still hard to maintain eye contact as I explained. “Stella introduced me to this band. She dragged me to a 5SOS concert and now it’s our tradition to see them whenever they tour.”

“Is this your favorite song?”

“Live, yeah. It just reminds me of feeling so alive. Concerts are the only times I feel that way.”

Shawn grinned at the sentiment. He seemed happy with that answer and sang along to the rest of the song.

“And there’s your deep shit of the day,” I said when it ended.

“I want more.”

What I’m Made Of…

I felt a tiny pit in my stomach. I knew this song, and I knew that Shawn did not know this song. He was looking down at the album cover on his phone, thinking to himself. Then, he turned to me expectantly.

“So…?”

“Just enjoy the lyrics and the sick guitar solo.”

He was quiet for a minute. “Well, I do get your vibes from it. But you’re also reluctant to show me what you’re made of.”

I hesitated. “It’s uh, a battle song. I’ll fight someone for trying to forcibly take anything from me.”

“Like if somebody jumped you?”

“Physically, mentally, emotionally. Yeah.”

Again, silence. “You gonna fight me?”

I knew he was joking, and I cracked a grin. “Jury’s out.”

“Any reasoning behind this soundtrack?” He showed me the cover, and I internally tried not to panic.

I had plucked the song off the wrong album, and now Shawn knew I was a fan of a certain speedy blue creature.

So much for being cool and mysterious. I’m just a fucking nerd now.

“Nah, not at all,” I casually replied.

Honestly, I enjoyed this song. I love this song. Why else would it be on this playlist? But just this once, I wanted to skip to the next one.

And when the next one came, I wanted to skip again.

I Am… All of Me

“Do, do you kin a certain hedgehog?” Shawn asked, once again amused by the album cover.

“No…” I resisted rolling my eyes.

“This song definitely sounds like you. Tell me, am I dating a hedgehog?”

Suddenly, this felt less nerve wracking and more annoying. I sighed heavily.

“I thought you wanted to know more about me.”

He chuckled. “Hey, I’m trying. I’m interpreting all these songs in whatever way I can because you won’t explain them to me. Plus, this song is from a video game.”

“Did it occur to you that maybe I like the game this song came from? Maybe I casually like this whole franchise because-” I stopped myself upon seeing Shawn’s face light up, like he wanted me to go on.

But no, he made fun of me. This song is now void, and he will not get an answer.

“Because?” he coaxed.

“Because nothing.” I grabbed his phone out of his hand and skipped to the next song.

Without Me

“Oh, who hurt you?”

“You already know that story. Next!”

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)

I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.

Shawn looked at me for a moment, still trying to analyze the fuck out of my song choice. “I gotta say, I was expecting more goth music. You listen to a lot of mainstream artists.”

“There’s no rule saying I can’t. Mainstream artists are popular for a reason.”

“Touche. So why this song?”

“It’s what people think I am. Grumpy, bitter, always in black.”

"But that's not all you are." Shawn held his hand out to me, and I took it. He looked down at my chipped polish, running his fingers over my nails. "I mean, you are grumpy. Bitter? No, I'd say realistic. Always in black? Yeah, and you look beautiful all the time because you feel good in it."

That last part struck me. At least I didn't look odd to him. He didn't fall for the tough exterior I've built for myself. That little fact was both touching and terrifying.

"I know there's more to you than the way you dress yourself. It's why I like you so much." He grinned.

Cry With a Smile

"There's the goth metal you were looking for!" I exclaimed.

"Mm, your sense of belonging, as you put it. I know all about this already."

And he skipped to the next song.

A Little Too Much

Shawn perked up a little bit, a smile growing on his face. Then he looked at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Is that me?"

Now my cheeks burned. "Yeah. This song feels like a callout."

"Babe…" He was still smiling as he leaned in to cup my face and kiss my forehead.

"Yeah, can you believe? I get tired of being a hardass sometimes." I was only half joking.

Not a lot of people knew my deal with anxiety and depression, much less why they intensified over the last couple of years. The urge to tell Shawn everything was beginning to form in my throat but I kept pushing it down. He looked too happy, and I didn't want to bring that down.

"You don't have to be a hardass around me," he said sweetly. "Actually, please don't be a hardass around me, okay? Everyone has their limits."

Then, he skipped to the next song, because he was sick of his own voice.

Fist Bump

Shawn looked at me once again, a grin on his face. Here we go again.

“I’m noticing a trend here.”

“I like this franchise, okay?”

“Okay, kinnie.”

I rolled my eyes and sat back, scrolling on my phone to diffuse the frustration. What was the point if he was just going to make fun of me?

“Hey.” Shawn gently placed his hand over my phone, getting me to put it down. “I’m only kidding. You can laugh.”

My eyes narrowed.

“I’m serious! Look, maybe if you just tell me what these songs mean to you, I’ll understand better. Just give me a chance.”

His eyes didn’t show any bit of deceit… But that’s how they all are. And everytime, I’m always a fool. So I sighed and tried not to cringe at my own words.

“It’s lame… and stupid… and really stupid. But all those silly little video game songs? They…” I exhaled, and chipped at my nails. “You know I deal with… anxiety and everlasting sadness…”

“You mean depression?” Shawn corrected.

“Yeah, whatever,” I went on. “The world is full of some real shit, and, and the songs and the games…” I made a face and looked down. “They’re comforting.”

It was silent for a minute before a hand went and cupped my chin. I was met with Shawn’s eyes and glowing smile. But then he opened his mouth and the most baby baby voice came out.

“Does Sonic make yew feew bettew?”

I smacked his hand away. “I swear to-”

But I didn’t finish that statement because he tackled me in a hug.

“Kidding, kidding! I’m sorry, baby, that was the last one, I promise!” He kissed the side of my head before leaning back to look at me. “I think it’s really cute you like this series.”

“It’s not cute, it’s self care,” I mumbled.

Head Above Water

“Finally, a song I know!” Shawn exclaimed, and he dove into singing along.

I forgot I put that one on the playlist. I meant to take it off. It only made me more nervous that Shawn already knew this song. He was one step closer to unlocking the big one.

He sounded beautiful as he sang, lost in the melancholy melody. I watched him, trying not to give anything away through my face alone. It was getting harder to keep it together, just from the little things I had already told Shawn.

And so came the inevitable expectant look. “So? Depression? Religion?”

Part of me wanted to let him think that. Depression is common, it’s easier to explain than the real reason. Besides, it’s not a lie. I do have my dark days, and even darker periods. But depression isn’t the reason for this song.

“Nope,” I replied.

“You know, Avril Lavigne wrote this when she was really sick.”

Dammit, he does know what this song is about.

I sighed heavily. “How do I put this in a way that doesn’t sound scary or pathetic?”

“You’re sick,” Shawn guessed with a chuckle. But the look on my face changed the mood, and he went serious. “How bad are we talking?”

“I get sick… every so often,” I explained. “It’s nothing scary, it’s just… chronic IBS. I can manage it, I just have to be careful with what I eat.”

He nodded as he listened. “So it’s not that bad, but it’s enough for you to have a whole song about being sick?”

I hesitated. “There’s another song, actually.”

“Two?” Shawn shifted in his seat. “So that must mean it’s a bigger deal to you than you’re making it out to be.”

And he thinks he doesn’t know me well enough.

I didn’t like talking about my health problems, unless it was with my doctor. I didn’t talk about how annoying all this shit was outside my therapist’s office. Anytime I felt frustrated about food, I talked myself down because it could literally be worse. Why would I whine about something so mundane?

“You know you don’t have to tone it down for me,” Shawn added when I stayed quiet for too long. “And, if it helps… now I understand why you read restaurant menus so carefully.”

“Like I said, I have to be careful.” My voice went thick for a moment, so I coughed. “I eat the wrong thing, and I end up sleeping in the bathroom til the wrong thing is out.”

“So it’s frustrating to deal with this all the time?”

“Yeah… and I spent two and a half years not knowing what was wrong with me, two and a half years going to the doctor more times than a young adult should for their age… two and a half years thinking I might die…”

Shawn’s eyes widened. “Years?”

“We went to a doctor in Mexico, and he finally diagnosed me with IBS,” I explained. “But that was after the words ‘lymphoma’ and ‘tumor’ were thrown into the mix. It’s not really something you forget. Oh, and I hate vomiting. I hate it so much that I can’t be in the same room as someone who might be queasy. So that’s annoying.”

“Wow…”

I suddenly felt a little self conscious. “I know it’s stu-”

“If you say stupid one more time,” Shawn cut me off. “This is the least stupid thing you could be talking about right now.”

“My anxiety links back to food, too. Think that’s important to mention.”

“Is that why you always want to go back to your dorm after a dinner date?”

Oof, so he noticed. I stayed quiet, so Shawn continued.

“I can take care-”

“No,” I said immediately. The last thing I needed was my boyfriend seeing me have a meltdown because I ate something spicy. The last thing I needed was for anyone to see me have an anxiety attack after vomiting. “It’s not your job.”

Shawn reached over to cup my cheek. Only then did I realize I had been tearing up, and he was wiping it away.

I turned my head away, dabbing at my eyes with my sweater sleeves. I didn’t want to look pathetic and I failed.

“I have to ask,” he said after a moment, “have you gotten sick at all since we started dating?”

“It is a chronic illness that I have.”

“And you just… you just took care of yourself? While you were sleeping in the bathroom?”

“Like I’ve always done since I left home.”

“Impressive. I always call my mom when I feel sick, and she comes over every time.”

I was honestly surprised. I was expecting him to be upset because I never called him in my time of need. And that alone, made more tears well up in my eyes.

“Hey,” he said, scooting closer to me. “It’s okay. You probably went through a lot before you got diagnosed. It’s frustrating, I can see it weighing on your shoulders. Just tell me if there’s anything I can do for you.”

I could feel him looming over me, waiting for me to fall back in his arms. The song had long since ended, and it wasn’t about the playlist anymore. Shawn was just waiting for me to do something. I couldn’t bear to look at him, because his kindness and understanding would make me break even more. He really was too kind, far more than I expected.

Even when I said nothing, and he took out his phone. I thought he got bored, but his next prompt made me look up at him.

“Okay, so that barbeque restaurant we went to the other night, we had spicy buffalo wings for an appetizer, so we won’t have those again. Any other food that might make you sick?”

I stared for a moment before I caught another tear with my sleeve. “Um… can we skip that whole restaurant? Barbeque and my stomach don’t mix.”

Shawn typed, and the only sound in the room was his clicking keyboard. “Got it. No more barbeque. Any other place or food to avoid?”

“It’s a long list…”

“That’s why I’m writing it down.”

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @ruinhoney @calyumthomas @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x oc #shawn x goth gf #damn look at dis shit #xmas came a little late lmao #im a lil soft for shawn rn so yea

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