#remus with too much self hatred

[my-castles-crumbling]

Sirius Black proposing to Remus Lupin, because he would never do it himself- he has too much self-hatred and self-doubt.

Sirius Black getting down on one knee and asking if, maybe, Remus would be willing to love him for the rest of their lives, because he was absolutely sure that he would love Remus for the rest of his.

Remus Lupin tearing up and muttering in thrilled disbelief, “Are you serious?” Because he’s so happy and excited and he’s not thinking straight.

Sirius Black grinning tearfully and saying, “Yes, I’m Sirius. Sirius Lupin, hopefully.”

And Remus just fucking sobbing.

#marauders fan #hp marauders #the marauders era #marauder era #marauders headcanon #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #harry potter marauders #marauders era #the marauders #sirius black is gay #sirius black was gay #sirius loves remus #sirius being sirius #remus loves sirius #remus x sirius #sirius black #sirius orion black #sirius x remus #remus with too much self hatred #remus being remus #remus john lupin #remus lupin #wolfstar

[inlovewithquestionablecharacters]

Remus Lupin X Reader: The reunion (completed)

Alrighty here is the full version

Warnings: angst, self hatred, lost lovers, fluff, sadness, smut, nipple play, oral (f & m receiving) fingering, blowjob, rough sex, soft sex, penetration (p in v), making out, pet names, dirty talk, happy ending.

Word count: 5,5 K

It has been a long time since you’d last seen Remus but you remembered the day like it was yesterday. You remembered the feeling of his skin warm and barely out of reach. You remembered the strangled sound that had left your lips as you begged him to stay with you. And most of all you remembered the words he’d uttered before he’d turned around and walked away.

“I can’t.”

You had never fully understood what he meant. For years you’d racked your brain over his words, trying your hardest to understand what exactly was stopping him from staying. And then one day you stopped asking yourself what you’d done wrong. You couldn't change the past, you couldn’t make him stay and that was just how things were. 

You’d never expected to be back at Hogwarts. It had been years since you last stepped foot in the Great Hall and yet here you were, standing in front of the professores tables with a smile plastered on your face. You had a lot of fond memories in this place. Your eyes trailed over the table, snippets of your time as Hogwarts flashing through your head as you gazed around the empty hall. Your smile faltered for a moment when your eyes fell on a particular spot of the Gryffindor table. 

His spot. 

You could picture him sitting there with James and Sirius on either side of him, his eyes glued to the book in his hand. He’d raise his head from the pages, his eyes finding you in the crowd. The image of his smile was clear in your mind despite not having seen it for a long time. It almost felt like you were back in your eighth year. Back when things were good. Before it all went up in flames. 

You were sure you would have kept staring all day if a familiar voice hadn't brought you back to reality. You turned to look at Mcgonagall as she called out your name. She moved gracefully towards you showing the same professionalism she had back when you were in school. Before she could put out her hand for you to shake you’d pulled her into a hug. She let out a surprised gasp as your arms wrapped around her thin frame.

“Come on now Minnie, I think we're past the handshaking phase of our relationship.”

Mcgnagall stayed immobile for a split second before wrapping her arms around you. 

“Oh how I've missed you dear.” 

Many people saw the professor as a strict person who didn’t care much about connections but they would be wrong. You’d known Minnie for years. Even after you left school you’d kept in contact and you could confidently say that she considered you a friend. It had been her who had called you back to Hogwarts after all. You pulled away from the hug, smiling up at Mcgonagall.

“So what did you need me to come here for? Not that I'm complaining. I love an excuse to wonder around here but your letter was very well-”

“Ominous?”

“Yes. Ominous is a great term.”

“Well, you know how it is. Can’t risk information getting into the wrong people's hands.”

You knew about that all too well. Information getting into the wrong peoples hands had been what had caused you the loss of your friends. From then on you’d all become more careful with who you told things to. It was safer that way. Especially with the things that had started to happen in the last few years. Mcgonagall seemed to notice the way your eyes had started to gloss over, the memories creeping their way into your mind. 

“Don’t worry dear. It’s nothing bad. I actually think you’ll enjoy it quite a bit.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Walk with me.”

You followed Mcgonagall through the halls of Hogwarts watching the students stumble from one classroom to the other. You observed the groups of friends chatting about things. It all felt so very familiar. It felt like coming home. And then your eyes fell on a young boy. You’d recognize him instantly.

“Harry.”

There was no denying the similarity he had to his father. You and James had gotten into loads of trouble when you were younger and even though you weren’t the best of friends you’d been one of the first people to meet Harry. 

“He’s gotten so big.”

“Yes he has. He looks so much like his father.”

“He really does.”

“Do you want to say hello?”

Your head snapped in Mcgnagall's direction, teary eyes searching for any hesitancy but found none. She really meant it. You look back at the trio before you, observing the way they laugh with each other. He looked like his dad but laughed like his mom. You’d recognize Lily's laughter anywhere. Everything inside you begged for you to walk over and greet Harry but there was a small part of you, a sensible part, that didn’t want to. You were scared of how he’d react. There was no way he’d remember you anyway, you’d meet him when he was a baby. And you didn’t want to risk putting him in any more danger.  

“I shouldn’t. I can’t risk getting too close to him.”

“Well that might be a bit hard.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think it’s about time I told you why I called you here today.”

Mcgnagall started walking again, moving away from Harry and his friends. You glanced at the boy once more before following her.  After a little while you’d made it to the entrance of a classroom. Which you recognized as being the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. That is if they hadn’t changed things around since the last time you’d been here but you doubted they had. You looked at Mcgonagall questioningly. 

“What exactly are we doing here professor?”

“Well we’ll be needing to replace our current Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts for next year and it so happens that I think you’d be a great fit for the job.”

“What? Minnie, are you serious? You want me to work here, at Hogwarts?”

This didn’t seem real. Hogwarts had always been your favourite place to be and the chance of working here and being near Harry seemed too good to be true.

“I can’t promise anything but me and Dumbuldore think very highly of you dear. We think you’ll do a fine job here.”

“Godric's Minnie. You have no idea how much I've dreamed of this.”

“Oh I think I might have some idea.”

Mcgnagall looked into the classroom for a moment as if contemplating something before turning back to look at you.

“There is one thing I'll need you to do. It’s typical to do an interview with the Headmaster but seeing as Dumbledore is dealing with a lot at the moment and I too have many things to resolve. Your interview will have to be done by the current professor.”

You bit your lip nervously. You had never been great at interviews, especially with people you didn't know much.

“But don’t you worry. Me and Dumbuldore have the utmost faith in you and we are sure the professor will go out of his way to make you feel comfortable.”

“Okay Minnie if you say so.”

“Wonderful. Well then dear go on in. He should be waiting for you already.”

You took a deep breath in, closing your eyes for a moment before turning towards the classroom door.

“Okay, here we go.”

The classroom was just like you remembered it. The layout hadn’t changed at all. The only thing that was different were the objects inside the room which you knew changed according to the professor's class. You walked towards the back of the room going up the staircase that led to the professor's office and knocked at the door. You heard some shuffling behind the door followed by a “Just a moment”. You recognized that voice. Could it be? No way you had to be making things up. Being at Hogwarts made you nostalgic, that's all. There was no way it was him.  And yet when the door opened there he was. Standing directly in front of you was none other than Remus lupin. Your Remus.

The one that got away.

Remus had been nervous about the interview. He wondered if the professor would tell his replacement exactly why replacing him was needed. He knew Mcgnagall would never openly tell anyone about his condition but being that a vast majority of the school had already found out it was inevitable to keep it a secret from the new hire for a long time. He wondered who had been picked to take over his teachings. From the way Mcgnagall spoke of them they seemed like a very smart person. Just the type of person Hogwarts needed. Remus hated the idea of leaving Harry after everything that had happened but it was probably for the best, considering a small amount of the boy's issues had been a consequence of his condition. 

Remus had always loathed being a werewolf. It bothered him greatly. He blamed that part of himself for losing people, the fear of hurting someone dear to him making him push everyone away. It was what he had done to you all those years ago and despite hating the thought of hurting you it had been the best choice. He’d spent the months after he left you hating himself more than usual. He’d wake up in the middle of the night calling out your name only to remember you weren’t there. He’d hear your laughter as he made himself coffee in the morning and would be haunted by the way you called out for him the night he left as he got ready for bed. You meant everything to him and that was precisely why he’d pushed you away.

Over the years Remus had thought of writing to you many times, mostly when it was close to a full moon. He craved your sweet words the morning after his transformation. He missed the feeling of  your hands against the new scars that always seemed to find their way onto his skin as the animal within took over his body. But most of all he missed the way you looked at him. Always with pity but never with fear. You knew he would never hurt you on purpose and yet that was exactly what he’d done. The knowledge that he’d caused you pain was what kept him from reaching out to you. He knew he’d probably die before ever seeing you again but if that meant never hurting you like he had then that was a sacrifice he was willing to take. It was all working out like he had planned. That is, until he found you standing in front of his office door, your features mirroring the surprise he felt inside.

Remus froze in his spot, his eyes glued to the sight of your beautiful face. A face he thought he’d never see. A face that looked just as he remembered it. You too were stuck to your spot eyes moving over Remus’ features gaze catching at the new scars that were on his face. They hadn’t been there the last time and the thought of him being all alone after receiving them made your heart break. Remus longed to touch you, his hands twitching beside his body as he forced himself to keep his distance. You opened your mouth to call Remus’ name but before you could get it out he spoke.

“Come on in.”

The words felt odd coming out of his lips. A phrase far too professional for someone he’d known for years. But it made him remind himself that this was not a moment to catch up. You hadn't come here to see him, you'd come here for a job interview and that was what you were going to get. You walked into the office, eyes falling on Remus’ things. It was a familiar sight, one which you’d missed dearly. You watched as Remus made his way to the chair behind the desk, taking a seat before gesturing you to do the same. You did as he asked, sitting down on the chair opposite to him. You were only separated by a desk but it felt like such a great distance. Remus reached into his drawers pulling out a piece of paper and setting it down on the desk before him. You observed him in silence. He picked up a feather dipping it in ink before glancing up at you.

“Name and age please.”

“What?”

“Name and age.”

You furrowed your brows, staying silent for a moment before answering. 

“Great. So why do you want this job?”

“What’s going on?”

“Well, a job interview. As far as i know.”

He had to be fucking kidding. Here you were sitting in front of Remus, someone you haven't seen in years. Someone who had left you outside in the cold as he walked away. Someone who had ripped your heart out and stepped on it like it was nothing. And the first thing he does when he sees you is act like an arse? Like hell! You slammed your hands on the desk raising from your seat in fury.

“You have to be joking.”

“I don't know what you mean.”

He hated the way he was talking to you. He hated the way he was acting. But most of all he hated himself. He hated himself for pretending nothing had happened. He hated himself for making your face twist into the scowl you were now wearing. But it didn’t matter. It was better if you hated him. It would make watching you leave easier. But he should have known better. He should have known that you were the type of person who fought for what they wanted. And not the type of person who left when things got hard. That was what was different between you two. While Remus ran from love you fought for it. He had always loved that about you but right now he wished you’d just punch him in the face and leave. 

“Unbelievable.”

You let out  a pained kind of laugh. Your eyes moved over Remus' face as you shook your head in disbelief. 

“So that's how it is, hum? Rip me to shreds and just pretend it didn’t happen. Might as well just spit in my face Remus. ”

A frown found its way onto Remus’ face at your words. He knew he deserved your rage but it still hurt. 

“Fucking say something!”

Remus' eyes widened as you yelled at him. You never yelled at him. Not even he’d helped James sneak Veritaserum into your coffee. Or when he’d messed up your first date with a guy because he’d gotten too drunk. You hadn't even yelled at him when he left. No like this anyway. Not with such anger. Your chest rose and fell rapidly as you felt tears begin to well in your eyes, a combination of anger and sadness taking over your body. It made Remus jump into action. He got up from his chair, making his way to you. You put your hand out telling him to stop.

“Stay away.”

Remus called out your name, slowly moving closer to you. The tears were falling quickly now making your face glow. You closed your eyes, a sob leaving your lips as you kept your hands out in front of you. You opened your eyes when you felt something come in contact with your palm. Remus had made his way to you. You looked up at him, your face twisting in anger as your hands turned into fists. You hit Remus' chest once waiting for him to react. When he didn't you kept hitting him and he let you. He let you hurt him because he knew he deserved it. The energy your anger had given you seemed to run out, your palms coming up flat against Remus chest as your body heaved forward in a strangled sob. Remus took his chance, pulling you into him. You tried to push away from him but he didn’t let you. The familiar scent of chocolate entered your nose. Godric how you’d missed that smell. Remus' body warped around you, the warmth making you feel tired all of a sudden. You stopped fighting to get free. Instead you sink into Remus, letting him hold you. Remus relished in the feeling of your body near his. He'd forgotten what it felt to hold someone like this. Your breathing started to slow down as you stopped crying, your body finally draining itself of all the sadness that had consumed you for years. He was back in your arms. The man you’d loved so much was finally within your grasp and you weren’t going to let that go to waste. You didn’t know how long this would last after all. 

Remus felt you move against him forcing him to loosen his hold on you so that you could look up at him. Your eyes bore through his brown orbs a silent request hidden in your gaze. Remus knew what you were thinking because he was thinking the same thing. One of you just needed to do something about it. To your surprise Remus was the first to act. He leaned down, his nose bumping against yours before he crashed his lips into yours. The amount of desperation between you two was clear. Each one trying to grab onto any part of the other just to make sure this was real and not a figment of your imaginations. Remus kissed you with a fervour you hadn't felt in a long time. He kissed you like he was out of breath and you were the air he so desperately needed to survive. Your hands found their way into Remus' hair caressing his scalp with your nails, something you used to do to soothe him. He sighed into your mouth, tongue begging for entrance which you gave him. Your tongues danced around each other as Remus’ hands found their way to your thighs. He tugged you up off the ground making you wrap your legs around him. You both let out a moan as Remus hard on nudged against your clothed cunt. You were incredibly wet already, the years of longing making you needy. Remus wasn’t much better off. It had been so long since he’d last been with someone like this that he felt like a teenage boy all over again, trying his hardest not to cum in his pants. Remus sat you down on his desk, his hands moving against your pants as you tried to tug his vest over his head. You both laughed as each other's desperation got in the way of either one of you achieving what you wanted. 

“You first love.”

“Okay.”

You let Remus unbutton your pants. A moan left your lips as Remus shoved his hand into your underwear, his slender fingers moving to gather your slick.

“Bloody hell you’re wet.”

“You sound surprised.”

“Didn’t know if I still had that effect on you. After everything.”

You could tell Remus was starting to spiral into a feeling of self hatred so you grabbed his face in your hands. He looked at you with sadness in his eyes.

“I never stopped loving you, Rem.”

“I left you.”

“You did. And it hurt a lot but that's what love is.”

“What, pain?”

“No Rem.”

You pushed a piece of hair away from his forehead.

“To love is to forgive people for their mistakes.”

Remus’ shoulders sagged as he placed his forehead against yours.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“I don’t know. But what I do know is that being far from you is the worst pain I've ever felt so please don’t leave this time.”

“I could hurt you. I could put you in danger.”

“Nothing will be worse than not having you near Rem. Nothing will ever compare to that. Please don’t make me go through that again.”

“I promise I'm not going anywhere this time.”

Remus placed a hand on your cheek giving you a kiss.

“And I think I know how to start making up to you for last time.”

“Oh yeah?”

Remus moved away from you, his hand reaching to the edge of his vest. You watch him pull off the vest before beginning to unbutton his shirt. Your eyes traced over his scars, the need to go over to him and kiss each one taking over you. But as you tried to get off the desk Remus moved towards you, his hands latching onto your thigh to keep you in place. “What do you think you're doing?”

You traced your fingers over the scar directly above Remus' nipple making him take a deep breath in.

“I want to kiss them.”

“Later love. Right now you’re going to let me take care of you. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good. Take this off for me.”

You did as Remus asked, removing your shirt and tossing it near his discarded clothes. Remus’ hands found their way to your breast giving them a squeeze before caressing your nipples through your bra.

“Fucking gorgues.”

You moaned at Remus’ praise, head falling back as you did. Remus took his chance, his lips latching onto your neck as he moved to palm at your thighs.

“Lift your hips for me love.”

You did as he asked, helping him remove your pants. Remus took a step back, his eyes racking over your exposed skin.

“Just like I remember it.”

“I doubt that. It’s been a while.”

“You’re still as pretty as ever, love.”

You blushed at Remus’ words. He had a way of making you flustered with the simplest of words. Remus moved back to his original position, dropping to his knees before you. You brace yourself as he removes your underwear, his fingers bumping into your clit and making you whimper. In another life Remus would tease you before delving into your pussy but it had been so long and he missed you. He missed the taste of you. Missed the feeling of your thighs against his head as you came. Missed the way his name sounded coming from your lips. So instead of making you work for it Remus shoved his face into your dripping cunt. You grabbed onto Remus hair as he ate you out, a grutell sound leaving your lips as you rutted against his face. Remus ate pussy like a king. Anyone who’d been with him knew that but when he was with you he always seemed to go the extra mile. He knew what made you scream and he was set on reminding you just how good he could make you feel. Your thighs clamped around Remus’ head as he entered a finger into your cunt. It went in without any resistance causing him to enter two more digits. You wailed above him, the feeling of fullness making you scream.

“Shh love. There are students around. Need something to keep you quiet?”

You nodded as Remus’ question mouth opened for him. He understood your request, moving his free hand up to your lips. Your hands latched onto his arms, shoving his fingers into  your mouth. Remus moaned into your pussy as you sucked his fingers, the vibrations adding to the pleasure he was giving you. Before long your pussy started to clench around Remus fingers signalling to him you were close. He sped up his movements, sucking on your clit as his fingers ploughed into you. You came with a yelp of Remus name, your hands wrapping around his with a bone breaking grip. You collapsed onto Remus’ desk, your legs still placed around his shoulders as he continued to lap up your juices. He didn’t want any of your sweet nectar to go to waste so he kept eating you out until you groaned due to the overstimulation. You whimpered his name, making him raise his head from your cunt. The sight of Remus beneath you, face covered in your slick, made you want to rub your thighs. Lucky for you Remus sensed your need for a break, rising from his knees so that he could kiss you. He leaned his body against yours pulling you into a smearing kiss. You bit at his lower lip, making him groan and hump against your thigh. You felt his dick rub against your exposed skin, a hunger growing inside you.  Remus loved eating you out but you knew he also loved watching you suck his dick. You give Remus’ shoulder a push, signalling for him to get up. He did as you asked, raising to his full height before you. You climbed off of his desk dropping to your knees just as he had done. A shudder left Remus’ lips as he realised what you were about to do. You grinned up at his flustered face.

“Wanna fuck my face Rem?”

“Godric love.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes please.”

“That’s better. Take your pants off for me baby.”

Remus tugged his pants down eagerly, making you giggle. 

“Sorry. It’s been a while.”

“Better make it worth it then huh?”

You didn’t give Remus a chance to answer, your hands gripping his boxers and tugging them down quickly before guiding his dick into your mouth. The moment your warm mouth wrapped around his dick Remus knew it was over. He would have to marry you. He couldn’t bear the thought of someone getting the pleasure of feeling like this. Your tongue ran over the vein on the underside of his dick making him buck forward. You choked on him forcing  a growl to leave Remus' lips. There it was. You knew that sound anywhere. Remus had a tell, whenever he was about to become absolutely feral during sex he let out a growl. You’d become used to it, your jaw relaxing so that he could have his way with you. And that's what he did. Remus’ hand pulled your hair into a ponytail giving him a better grip. Once he was satisfied he started fucking into your mouth roughly. You placed your palms on the floor trying to keep your body steady as Remus used you to chase his high. 

“Mine all mine.”

He was babbling random words of praise, his hips moving widely signalling to you he was close to blowing his load. You moved your hands to remove your bra. Remus caught sight of your movements, mouth falling open as he caught a glimpse of your breasts. You moved your hands over your breasts playing with your nipples. The intention wasn’t to bring yourself pleasure, you were putting on a show for Remus. He’d always liked seeing you bring yourself pleasure as he fucked his fist. Some things never change. Remus came with a grunt, hips sputtering wildly as he spilled his seed into your mouth. You swallowed every bit, proudly showing him your tongue after he’d pulled his dick out of your mouth.

“You’ll be the death of me, love.”

“I see you still like seeing my tits.”

“Don’t think I'll ever stop liking that.”

“Good.”

You kissed your way up Remus body, making sure to give love to every scar within your reach. Remus smiled down at you once you made your way to your feet. You grinned up at him, placing a small kiss to his lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Rem.” 

“I’m so sorry I left.”

“Shh don’t think about that now. Just be here with me.”

You placed your head on Remus' chest, your arms wrapping around his torso in a loving hug. Remus kissed your temple as he stroked your hair. He could feel your nipples against his chest and you could feel the way his dick twitched against your stomach. You bodies longed for each other and who were you to deny them?

“You got a bed?”

“Yeah through that doorway.”

“Well what are you waiting for professor?”

Remus smiled at you, his arms reaching down so that he could pick you up. You laughed as Remus carried you over to his bedroom in bridal style. He placed you on the bed gently before going back to lock the door. He’d waited years to do this. He couldn’t risk anyone running the moment. When Remus turned back to look at you, you had already changed positions. You had your back pressed against the headboard, your legs spread in a way that let Remus see your pussy. 

“Wet already?”

“I can’t help it, Rem. I’ve been thinking of fucking you for a while.”

“Oh yeah? Lucky for you, so have i.”

“You gonna keep talking or are you gonna come over here and show me how much you want me.”

Remus practically lept on the bed. He grabbed your shins tugging you so that your body was laying flat on the bed. You wrapped your hands around Remus' neck, pulling him into a needy kiss. Remus ran his tongue against the inside of your mouth as he reached down to grab his dick. You spread your legs more allowing Remus to manoeuvre himself. 

“It might hurt a bit.”

“Can’t be worse than our first time.”

“Tell me if you want me to stop okay.”

“Okay.”

Remus inched himself into your core. You clenched your teeth at the feeling of him. You’d forgotten how thick he was.

“You okay?”

“Yeah-ugh-keep going Rem pleasee…”

“Fuck your sucking me in. So fucking wet. My pretty pussy.”

“All yours all yours.”

Remus bottomed out, his body stilling as he allowed you to become accustomed to the feeling of him inside you. It stung a bit but soon enough the pain turned into need.

“Move Rem please move.”

“Shit love. Feel so good.”

Remus rocked into you slowly. It was a tender kind of thing. He wasn’t fucking you, he was making love to you. There was still a desperation in his movements. You could tell he wanted to go harder but was afraid of hurting you.You called out his name causing him to move his gaze from the place where your bodies connected to your face.

“Yes love?”

“Please fuck me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes Rem go harder fuck me like you need me.”

He did need you. He needed you more than he needed anything else and he was ready to prove it. Remus lifted your legs over his shoulders allowing him to reach a new angel. You moaned at the feeling of Remus deeper inside of you, the sound spurring him on. Remus started pistoling into you. You placed a hand against his headboard for support. The entire bed creaked and groaned as Remus fucked you with vigor. You were both close to coming undone, your moans growing more and more constante. It didn’t take long before you  came around Remus dick, nails digging into the skin on his back as you yelled out his name. Remus came not long after his teeth sinking into your shoulder as he spilled his seed in you. 

You felt Remus sag into your body. Your hands caressed his scalp as he tried to catch his breath. He placed his chin on your chest, a hand coming to hold your cheek.

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

“I missed this. I missed you.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry for leaving. I thought I was protecting you but it turned out I was just making us both miserable.”

Remus sighed against your skin, his eyes watering.

“I’m tired of losing people.”

“I’m right here Rem. I’m not going anywhere.”

Remus furrowed his brows, his features contorting into what you knew was his thinking face.

“What is it?”

Remus got off of you moving to get off the bed. You raised your body leaning against your elbows as you watched him pace around. 

“Rem what-”

“I have something to ask you.”

“Okay…”

Remus stood before you with a smile before dropping onto one knee. Your hands moved to cover your mouth as Remus said your full name.

“Will you marry me? I don’t have a ring but I'll get one and I don't know exactly how it would work. Do I move in with you or do you move in with me? But we’ll figure it out.”

He looked up at you with loving eyes.

“So what do you say?”

You moved your hands, placing them over Remus' chest.

“I would love to marry you.”

Remus let out a delighted noise lifting you off the bed and twirling you around. You wrapped your legs around him, moulding your body into his. 

“I love you Remus Lupin.”

“And I will always love you my dear.” 

Mcgonagall looked out the window onto the grounds.

“I believe we’re going to have to find someone else for the Dark Arts job.”

Dumbledore looked up from his desk, glancing at the professor with a knowing smile.

“You were never going to hire her.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Love, professor.”

“What do you mean Dumbuldore?”

“Love always finds a way my dear Mcgnagall. And those two well…they’ve loved each other for a long time.”

Mcgnagall shared a smile with the Headmaster. He was right, the two of you had always loved each other. Anyone with eyes could see it. And something told the professor that her plan had worked out just fine. 

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[acewitch-writes]

I remember the first time I read a fic that had Sirius grovelling for Remus' forgiveness post-POA and I was SO CONFUSED??? And now that seems to be the popular take on the situation. The fandom consensus is that Remus was the ultimate victim and Sirius is the one that should feel guilty.

And I feel like this displays a fundamental misunderstanding of Remus as a character.

Remus doesn't hold grudges. He doesn't even feel that he deserves to be angry. About anything. He has too much self-hatred and internalized prejudice to ever be so entitled to his own emotions. In reality, Remus was probably wracked by self-loathsome guilt; for believing that Sirius could ever be guilty, for being directly responsible for Peter escaping after Sirius finally had him cornered, and for grievously wounding Sirius and putting students & everyone else at Hogwarts in mortal danger when he forgot to take his Wolfsbane.

Remus doesn't award himself the grace this fandom is determined to believe he does. He thought he deserved to be publicly outed and sacked, for fuck's sake. He was almost certainly the one down on his knees begging Sirius for forgiveness after the events in POA.

#and then they fucked and made up #and Sirius was even nice enough to invite Remus to hide in the tropics with him #since he had been recently outed and probably subjected to an endless stream of howlers and hate crimes #remus lupin #marauders #I love Remus so much #shriveled up damp napkin masquerading as a man #sirius black #wolfstar

[patrophthia]

say the word and i’m down | james potter

⇢ now playing ‘get up’: track 2

pairing: james potter x fem!reader

wc: 4.5k (finally a decent word count on my fics!)

genre: fluff, domestic fluff 🤢🤢, friends to lovers, best friend to lovers (?), mutual pining, james is so incredibly in love with reader, tiny bit of angst (so slight dw about it), reader has a love interest, mention of alcohol (reader drinking)

note: finally james part is done! sirius has a love interest in this (named meerkat), you can read about them in the first part for get up!

summary:

“I lied?” James asked, sounding disappointed in himself. “To you?”

“Yeah,” you tell him softly, so soft that he had to lean in just to hear you. “You told me you were already up when I called you. Why would you say that when I clearly woke you up?”

“Because there’s something’s that are more important than sleep,” he says as he helps you into the car, then with putting your seatbelt on —it’s more of him praying the seat belt from your clumsy grip and putting it on rather than you actively making an effort to do so but he finds your attempt cute nonetheless.

“There is?” You ask him.

“Mhmm.” There’s that hum again.

“What is it?” You ask, and Remus starts the car. The radio playing a familiar tune you couldn’t place a finger on. “Tell me.”

It’s dark in the car and though there’s enough space to accommodate you both; you still press yourself close to James, your thighs touching as you did so.

Smiling at you too brightly, James Potter confesses to your drunken state to remember self: “you.”

or your boyfriend is a dick but your best friend james always has your back so maybe, maybe it was time you ended things with him

James does not like your new boyfriend and —to be fair here, neither does Remus, Sirius, Peter, and Lily but he supposed that maybe their opinion on your new boyfriend (what was his name again? Joshua or something?) could be a little bit biassed seeing as they knew of his not so little crush on you. 

But he regresses, you're your own person who is more than just perfectly capable of dating whoever you wanted; even if the person who you were dating (Jake? Was that his name?) was wasting your precious time nor was he even deserving of it in the first place. 

He's not going to do anything about it though, he was your friend first —and someone who had fancied you for the longest time, second— so if you were to frown at him when he'd expressed his concern about Joey? (James truly can't remember, he just knew the guy's name began with a J) then he knew to just leave you be. 

Sirius thinks otherwise though. "Where are you going, sweetheart?" The gryffindor asks as you pass by their friend group, you're dressed up; that's what James noticed. You're too pretty for your own good and he hates it. 

"To see Jay," you answered and when you push your hair away from your face, James finds himself fiddling with the hair tie around his wrist. "I'll be back by dinner, though." 

Jay? That was his name, huh. If you liked guys with names beginning with J so much maybe you should add James to your radar. Godric knows he'll treat you better than Jay ever will. You could say anything, ask for anything and he'd get it for you. He was so sure that he'd be down for anything so long as you said the word. 

"Again?" Sirius asks. "You're still going out with that dickhead?" 

"He has a name, Pads," you murmur with a slight frown; their dislike towards your boyfriend wasn't new to you, you've known about their disdain towards him for a while now. "And I am, I like him. Can't we just leave it at that?" 

"I don't like him." Sirius offers his opinion, then he shrugs. "Merlin, none of us do, sweetheart. Surely, you ought to find someone better than him." 

The group —Remus, James, Peter, Lily, and even Marlene's eyes widen as large as saucers, not expecting to be dragged into the conversation. Peter's hands raise up defensively, as if he was afraid you'd do something about his hatred towards your boyfriend. "I— I like Jay." 

Widened eyes turn to glares; the group snickering at Peter's sudden change up. "I'm sure you do, Peter." You knew, of course you knew that the rat was lying. "Still, it doesn't matter if you lots like him or not, I do. And I'm the one dating him, so leave me alone. I don't go around judging you for who you date, do I?" 

You don't; James agrees. You really don't, you didn't judge James —nor did you Lily, when the two went out for a few months before deciding that it'd be better for them to stay as just friends. You didn't judge Sirius when he began dating his partner (Meerkat, that’s what he called them with reason being meerkats are shy animals, just like them) who was quite literally the opposite of him, they say opposite attracts and you were more than just supportive of them for it. 

You've never judged any of them for their past partners before so why should they judge you now? It's not fair for you, is it? 

The group relents, biting back any remarks they might have as you pat yourself down. Getting slightly frustrated when your hair falls in front of your face as you lean down to tie up your shoelace. 

You're frustrated, he can tell. You're frustrated by your straying hair, your judging friends, and your stupid stupid shoe laces. You push your hair back aggressively, scoffing to yourself as you let your thoughts consume you. 

What if your friends were right? Maybe Jay really wasn't worth your time. Should you just not go? This date —nay, meet up with Jay was not a date, sure he was your boyfriend but he never specifically said that this was a date. So if you were to ditch him and spend time with your friends instead, it wouldn't be that big of a deal right? 

But then again, if you were to not go then you've gotten dressed up; all nice and —maybe not so— pretty, for nothing. You'd only prove your friends right by wasting your time because of Jay once again. So maybe you should go, maybe you should go on this not date and try not to think about whether your friends were right about him all along. Maybe you should —Merlin, this piece of hair just won't fucking leave you alone. 

"Here." From the corner of your eyes, you spot a black rubber band. You take it with a small 'thanks', your hands moving away from your laces to tie at your hair instead. A hand swats at yours when they return to their place by your sneakers, it being replaced with ones belonging to certain glasses clad Quidditch players instead. "Here, let me." 

"I double knotted it," James says, tying up your left laces before moving to the right ones. "Just in case." He pats at your feet once he finishes, flashing a bright smile up at you. You can't help but return it, James' smiles had always been infectious. "Have fun with Jay, Yn."

Lily spares a glance at James once she was sure you were far enough to not overhear what they might say; she doesn't bother beating around the bush. "You never carried a hair tie when we were together," she says first; not unkindly —just merely stating an observation of hers. "When did you start doing that?" 

James knows where she wants this conversation to go, he's smart enough to understand the words left unsaid. But he, unlike Lily, quite enjoys beating around the bush. "When Pads decided to grow his hair out." 

Lily's green eyes turn to Sirius now, grey ones widening as if he was only now learning about this. "So it's for Pads?" 

"Technically," James says. "Pads, and anyone who might need it." James failed to mention that he was totally lying though. "Now, about that party?" 

Lily doesn't push for what she desperately wants to know; she's played matchmaker for Sirius once and though she wants to do it again for her ex boyfriend —she knew better than to push James on this. So she lets the four boys (and Marlene) go back to what the conversation was about before you passed by them; a party of sorts. She couldn't have cared less, not when it didn't really involve her. 

It might involve you though, maybe that's why she started listening into the conversation once more. 

James had it bad didn't he? Everyone could see it, even he himself could see just how down bad he was for you. It's as clear as days when it's in broad daylight and he just wouldn't tear his eyes away from you. And it's even clearer now, in the middle of the night, when Sirius was suddenly woken up by James —his glasses askew, groggily telling him about how you'd called him sounding distraught— that it's as clear as ever. 

It's summer, James' back home with Peter, Remus, and Sirius spending the summer with him. In another life time you'd also be spending this summer with them as well —which you technically are, seeing as you've been living a door down from the Potters his entire life time— but he'd hope that you'd be spending the summer with them in a different sense (a romantic sense, he wants to say).

He grabs his dad’s car keys, and extra pair of slippers while Sirius wakes up the other two of their friend group. He tries not to think about you too much as he makes his way over, though all attempts of doing so are to no avail when Remus asks him to recall what you said over the phone. 

It’s late into the night when you stumble out of the bathroom and out of the dance floor. Your words are slightly slurred from the alcohol you’ve had earlier tonight but you’re still sober enough to tell Jay where you’re headed. He only nodded at your words, not bothering to follow after you to make sure you’re okay. 

If you’re reminded of how James would always follow after you whenever you’re headed to the powder room, you don’t let yourself dwell over it. James is James, Jay is Jay. And you like Jay, not James; so it’s best if you didn’t compare the two of them to one another, right? 

You take a glance at a mirror, your blush has faded over the night, your lipstick the slightest tint of what it once was, your under eyes are darkened from the residue of your mascara, your feet are sore and you’re tired. But you’re here with your boyfriend, and Jay doesn’t seem like he wants to leave anytime so you touch up your make up and take a deep breath. 

You need to sacrifice some things if you want your relationship to work out, even if you were starting to doubt just how much you actually want things to work out with Jay. 

Taking a final breath in, you prepare yourself for blasting music just outside the door. You’ve gone partying before so clubbing shouldn’t be anything new to you —although, it’s different this time around. This time, unlike the other times you’ve been out this late at night, Lily isn’t with you —neither is Marlene, nor is James and if you were being quite honest, it’s less fun without James. 

Albeit it could be because James always had Sirius, Remus, and Peter with him so now that you’re without him, you’re also without them. Maybe it’s not fun because you miss your friends, or maybe, it’s not fun because you miss James. 

But you try not think about it, turning on your heels as you scan the club for Jay. He’s not where you left him on the dance floor, now finding himself by the bar with a Blond girl by his side. She’s pretty, you note; her hand presses against his chest as an advance at him and he makes no move in rejecting her, basking in her attention. 

You're hesitant when you move towards them, considering whether you should just leave him and them be or try to defend your own honour of being his girlfriend. You went with the latter, continuing slowly towards them; picking up their conversation little by little. 

“Should we get out of here?” She asks, twisting at the ends of her hair. The rhinestone on her cheeks glimmers under the club lighting —and if you’re being honest, you’d understand Jay if he decides to leave with her. 

Jay cranes his head backwards though, as if he was searching for something —someone, before he shakes his head. “Can’t,” he says with a disappointed sigh, “I came here with my friend. Maybe next time?” 

The blond pouts prettily, “next time? How will I find you next time?” 

“I’ll be here next Friday,” he tells her, his voice is louder now as you stand just a few steps behind them. “I’ll be here, same time.” He then leans in, his lips close to her ears as he makes an empty promise with her. 

He pulls back and she giggles, her hand dropping as she goes on her way, bumping into you slightly as you approach Jay. “Who was that?” You asked. 

Jay smiles at you brightly, expertly masking his surprise at your sudden appearance. “No one,” he tells you reassuringly, an arm finding its way onto your shoulders, “just a friend.” 

The thing about boys (you realise this now) is that, if given the chance they will lie. And although some are better liars than others, Jay was absolutely not one of them. You purse your lips; “really?” 

“Mhmm,” he hums at you. And when he places a wet kiss on your cheek, you decide that you’ve had enough as you shrug his arms off your shoulders. 

“I’m going home,” you say all too aggressively and you don’t miss the confusion —or maybe, the look of realisation that took over his expression. “Have fun with your friend.” 

He doesn’t follow you when you storm out and you’re too frustrated to care; digging into your purse for a few cents as you make your way towards the nearest telephone booth you could find. The line rings twice before a sleepy voice picks up. “Hello?” 

“Hey, Prongs,” you say first. “Are you up? Can you pick me up? I’m tired, and I just want to go home.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” There’s rustling on the other end of the phone. “I’m up, where are you?” 

“Outside the club by Sirius’ new flat,” you tell him vaguely but James is smart enough to figure it out on his own. “You know the one with the Pur—”

“Purple door?” James finishes, and the rustling finally stops; seemingly have put his coat on. “Let me grab the other and I’ll be there.” 

“You’ll be here?” 

“Mhmm,” he hums. And you know you can trust James to be here when you hear it, you know you can trust James because his tone is different from Jay’s, because James is different. “I’ll be there right now, if Jay’s with you then lose him.” 

A bitter laugh slips out of you, leaning against the booth wall. “He’s not,” you tell him. “Just be here okay?” 

“I will,” James promised. “Stay safe for me.” 

“I will.” 

When James arrives, fifteen minutes later with the other two Marauders in his dad’s car (Peter tried to be there, he really did —but fell back asleep with one leg through his pants; and honestly you don’t blame him for it, it’s one A.M in the morning for shit’s sake), his hair is a mess, round glasses slipping at the speed of which he’s turning to find you —did you realise that James had been totally lying. 

Remus waves at you as he gets out from the back and into the driver’s seat —Sirius smiling at you from the passenger side. There’s a pair of slippers in James hand, and when he finally gets to you, he hurriedly leans down as he eases your feet out of your heels and into his a-few-sizes-too-big-for-you slippers. “Why are you out here alone?”

Your explanation is simple, and your voice so slurred that it makes him laugh. “It stinks in there.” 

“Really?” He teases you, standing up with your purse and heels in one arm while the other finds its way around your waist as he helps you over to the car. “Then what have you been doing all night long?” 

“Wondering why boys always lie,” you tell him, taking in his Pyjamas under his coat, “even you.” 

“I lied?” James asked, sounding disappointed in himself. “To you?” 

“Yeah,” you tell him softly, so softly that he had to lean in just to hear you. “You told me you were already up when I called you. Why would you say that when I clearly woke you up?” 

“Because there’s something’s that are more important than sleep,” he says as he helps you into the car, then with putting your seatbelt on —it’s more of him prying the seat belt from your clumsy grip and putting it on rather than you actively making an effort to do so but he finds your attempt cute nonetheless. 

“There is?” You ask him. 

“Mhmm.” There’s that hum again. 

“What is it?” You ask, and Remus starts the car. The radio playing a familiar tune you couldn’t place a finger on. “Tell me.”

It’s dark in the car and though there’s enough space to accommodate you both; you still press yourself close to James, your thighs touching as you did so. 

Smiling at you too brightly, James Potter confesses to your too drunken state to remember self: “you.” 

It’s when you’re about to board the Hogwarts Express that you decided that you’ve had enough. Jay is dressed to nines, for what you didn’t know —well at least not at first you didn’t. Not until the Blond from the club you went to a few weeks back came to see him off did you know why. 

He’s put on extra cologne, hair styled in a way that you’ve always insisted looked good on him but just wasn’t his taste. He doesn’t see you when you spot them, she’s tucked into him; clutching onto him desperately with a frown on her face as she tries to see him off. He’s smiling down at her, a smile he’s never once shown you in the last few months you’ve been together. 

“Are you ready?” James asks, coming up behind you; your own baggage placed with his as he carried them besides him. Platform nine and three-quarters a few steps in front of you and your friend group. “We should go now if we want good seats.” 

“Yeah,” you say, nodding too distractedly for him to not notice. “Just give me a second.” 

James turns to Lily, his eyes wide as he looks at her confusingly. And when Lily flails her arm towards Jay’s direction, James follows it to find Jay and his new companion. 

He doesn’t say anything, letting you process this moment in yourself. And you think to yourself: 

Your friends don’t like Jay. You don’t like Jay —at least, not anymore. And James, James doesn’t like Jay. James doesn’t like Jay, and neither do you. 

You turn to your friends, softly telling them: “go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute.” They’re hesitant to do what they’re told and you understand them, you wouldn’t leave your friend if they were in your situation. “Just need a second to break up with someone.”

Sirius doesn’t bother to hide his smile, looking as proud of you as ever. “Take your time, sweetheart.” He tells you, canines peeking through his grin. “I’ll buy you a treat as a reward too.” 

You roll your eyes at him, a small smile present. “Do I really need to be rewarded for that?” 

“Not really.” Sirius shrugs. “I just really hate the guy so finally losing him is an event worth celebrating to me.” 

“Huh?” You sounded out. “Well aren’t you going to leave me to it?” 

“Like hell we are,” Lily murmurs, “go break up with him, we’ll wait for you here.” 

You do as you told, turning once, twice to look at the glazed look on James’ face and Peter’s encouraging thumbs up and awkward smile. You go through the motions then, approaching Jay with a smile as he scrambled to get the Blond off of his arms. 

There’s a gasp, then slap —not from you, or to you, but from the Blond and onto the ‘cheating scum’s’ (her words, not yours) face. The blond  apologises to you after you successfully end things with Jay, walking with you back to your friends. 

She tells you how she would’ve never even touched Jay with a three hundred meters pole if she had known he had a girlfriend and apologised again. And when her eyes land on Sirius, clearly interested; Sirius is quick enough to shut her down. 

“I’m married.” He tells her, and when his (normally) super shy of a partner, hits his arm playfully at his words; all he does is take them into his arms. 

On the train ride over —with James, Lily, and Remus on head boy, head girl, and prefect duties; you make a terrifying discovery on why you don’t feel sad (not even the slightest bit so) over your break up. 

And it was because, for the longest time, your heart has been preoccupied with another J name guy who lied to you just as much. Except where one J name guy ended his name at just three letters, the one who has been running through your mind way too often ended with five. 

And where one would lie about how he was flirting with another girl, the other would lie about how much sleep he’s gotten just so he could be by your side. 

You like James Potter. So fervently that it makes you feel sick. James was your friend for so many years that it feels almost wrong to like him as much as you do. Almost, that’s the keyword here. 

“I like James,” you muttered suddenly, so sudden that it startled Sirius’ partner who was slowly falling asleep to a story he was telling them. “Oh fuck, I like James.” 

Sirius turns his attention away from his lover and over to you, his smile as charming as ever. “Good news to you doll, James likes you too.” 

You look at him for a second, not believing him. Of course you don’t. Again, boys, when given the chance, will absolutely lie to you straight through their teeth, so you don’t believe him. And you don’t let yourself think about it, even if Meerkat also agrees with him. 

It’s after dinner, when Lily, Marlene, Meerkat —which you find out then, happened to be their Patronus as well— make their way towards the common room and Lily starts up the conversation, did you realise your feelings might just be requited. 

“You like James?” Lily says happily. And when you glance at Meerkat with a small frown, all they do is smile at you bashfully. You’re not upset at them for it, you too tell your best friend everything. “You know he fancies you too right?” 

And this time, unlike when you heard Sirius say it earlier this morning. You actually believe her. “Really?”

“Mhmm,” she hums. “Always did I think,” she tells you, there’s no hidden tone of bitterness in her voice, only girls to girls advice. “Even before we went out.” 

“She was secretly rooting for the two of you even when she had a crush on James,” Marlene interferes and Lily swats her for it. “We all were.” 

Meerkat nods in agreement. “We still are,” they say timidly. “Especially now with Jay gone,” they added. “You deserve better than him.” 

“And you three think that James is better than him?” 

Lily is slow, her tone is kind and warm when she asks you. “Is he not?” 

James Potter is better than Jay. By Kilometres, he is. But it’s hard having a crush on someone you’ve known your entire life. And no matter how much you try to convince yourself that he likes you back nothing actually makes you believe that he does. 

Even if he tucks your straying hair back behind your ear, or carries an extra jacket around just in case you need one, or sneaks into the kitchen to cook you your favourite meals in the middle of the night (“I learnt them from mum just for you!” He’d tell you excitedly once) or look for you after. every. quidditch. game he played, and your weekly hang outs starts feeling a little too much like dates —maybe that’s why he’s been bringing Remus and Peter to your one on one hangs out nowadays. 

Maybe he did like you back just as much as you did him. And if he did like you back, why hasn’t made the move to ask you out yet? 

“I know that look,” Remus says, sitting down beside you, staring up at the Gryffindor’s quidditch team practising just above us. “It’s because you just broke up with Jay. It’s wrong if he just asks you out right away.” 

You don’t question how Remus knew it straight away, Remus just knows things sometimes and at this point you don’t see the point in questioning him anymore. “But I broke up with Jay two months ago.”

“Okay,” Remus says, one eye closed as his hand goes up to shield his face, “would you ask me out if I ended things with someone just two months back?” 

“No,” you say, “I don’t like you like that.” 

Remus snickers with a small laugh, finding your attitude amusing. “Of course you don’t. You like Prongs like that.” 

“I like Prongs like that,” You repeated after him. “And I don’t know what to do about it.” 

He turns to you now, mousy brown hair turning blonde under the sunlight. “How about you take the initiative? Ask him out.” 

“You want me to ask James out?” 

“Why not?” Remus shrugs. “It’s not like he’d say no.” 

James had asked for you to wait for him by the stands after his practice, something about wanting your approval on an upcoming prank of theirs. And seeing as he was the captain of the team, he’d immediately taken off to get changed the second he spotted you. Even if his estimated time of arrival for you were dead wrong. 

James grins at you, then at Remus as he approaches you both by the stand, his gear in hand. “Hi,” he says. “Should we get going?” 

“Mhmm.” You hum before adding. “Actually Remus, would you give us a second?” 

Remus tucks his hands into his pockets, a sweet smile on his face as you leave you two. “ ‘course.” 

James’ eyes follow Remus' figure before it circled back to you. “Hi?” He says again, this time much more confused and hesitant. 

There’s no point in beating around the bush, you’ve never liked beating around the bush anyways. “Go out with me.” 

James' smile is sly. Unfortunately for you, James, unlike you, loves beating around the bush. “Why?” 

“I will throw you off this stand,” you say with a roll of your eyes, your tone is playful and he knows you’re feigning annoyance. “You know why, James.” 

“Is it because you like me?” You nod. “Like I Like you?” His smile brightens when you shut your eyes in embarrassment. “I do tend to have that effect on people.” 

“You know what,” you scoff, opening your eyes to look at him. “Never mind.” 

“Ahhh! no take backs.” He’s quick to grab onto your wrist when you turn to leave. “Doesn’t work that way unfortunately.” 

“Unfortunately,” you parrot him. 

“Unfortunately,” he repeats after himself with a small nod. “Now where should we go?” 

“Go?”

“For our first date,” he says, his voice as soft as ever. “Where else?” 

“I dunno,” you murmur, “where do you want to go?” 

“Anywhere,” he tells you. “I’ll be happy anywhere we go so long as I’m with you, just say the word and I’m down.” 

You doubt he’d be very happy going to an Orthodontist where his dentist was a clown but then again, all boys do is lie. And maybe you like this boy too much (and know him too well) to be bothered by his lies so you let it slide. At least for now.

“Okay,” you tell him. “Let’s just go anywhere.”

— from bee: whew! this is was so fun to write, it’s been a while since i wrote james and he’s so so lovely i love writing him so much, i hope you like this!!

#james potter x yn #james potter fanfiction #james potter fanfic #james potter scenarios #james potter fluff #james potter imagines #james potter x you #james potter x reader #james potter angst #marauders x you #marauders x reader #marauder scenarios #🧳: my writing #— series: get up

[lupinmoonlight]

Could you do smth like they meet again after years??? She's a professor and he too so she saw him at the first day in the great hall and after that they run into each other in the teachers' room. They were friends when they went to school and they were always attractedby each other.

Thank you and btw I love your writing:)

Lost and Found

Masterlist AO3

Summary - You and Remus Lupin had a crush on each other ever since you were students at Hogwarts but never had the courage to even speak. You spend the next 20 years living your separate lives, you as an Auror, and he, just surviving. Unable to live under the stress of your profession anymore, you retire and start teaching at Hogwarts, still hoping to fill the void Remus had left behind. In September 1993, everything changes. (3,190 words)

Warnings - Fluff, cheesy, angst, a bit of hurt/comfort, a bit of self-hatred, kissing, mention of wizarding war and lost of loved ones, my grammar (english is not my first language), not proof read.

Notes - I am almost ashamed of posting this considering I received this request over a month ago. I am so sorry anon, I have been traveling all of August. Thank you so much for your request and kind comment. I hope you like this one! (sorry if it's too cheesy I got carried away lol)

June 1978

One last glance, that's all you wanted. You pulled your hair back, looking discreetly across the Great Hall. As always, Remus was there, just a few seats away. He looked sad, just as sad as you, but it couldn't be for the same reason. The warm, golden rays of the sun reached through the windows and danced across his face, as if the sky itself was trying to comfort him. It graced his scars, making them glow a beautiful shade of gold. You were doomed. Absolutely doomed. And sad. And in love. And doomed. 

You would always sit close, steal glances, exchange the occasional smile in the library. You had become experts at unsaid conversations, your hearts screaming out words that your lips never uttered. 7 years of unspoken love, of quick glances, of butterflies in your stomach, of hoping he would sit next to you in potions, of worrying when he would disappear for a few days. You knew why, it was easy enough to figure out for anyone who paid close attention. But you didn't care. You loved him for 7 years. 7 years that were about to be ripped away from you. 

Remus felt your gaze and looked up. Your eyes met, and for a split second, time seemed to stop. You wanted to say something. I love you. But the lump in your throat held your words hostage. The weight of the impending silent goodbye threatened to shatter the fragile world you had created. 

As breakfast came to an end, you all began your journey towards Hogwarts Express. The station was alive with chatter, laughter, and tearful goodbyes. But amidst the chaos, there were two souls whose worlds had never been more silent. 

You found yourself in a compartment and gazed out the window, lost in thoughts, watching what had become your second home for 7 years slowly disappear in the distance. Every time the train jolted, you wished it would be Remus entering your compartment, as if he would be braver than you. Why didn't you go to his compartment? You were a coward that's why. Because being rejected would hurt more than saying goodbye. 

Remus sat a few compartments away, his heart pounding in his chest. Despite the presence of his three best friends, he felt alone. The knowledge that this journey might be his last with you was gnawing at his soul. 

The train finally pulled into King's Cross, and students disembarked, eagerly searching for their families. You made your way through the crowd, hoping, stupidly praying for one last moment with Remus. As you approached the barrier between the platform and the muggle world, you took a deep breath and looked back. And there he was, Remus, looking just as lost as you felt. Your eyes met across the platform, and everything went quiet, blurry. 

You crossed the barrier and found yourself on the muggle side of the platform and looked back once more, catching a fleeting glimpse of Remus, who seemed to be vanishing amidst the crowd. You felt a visceral ache. A lump formed in your throat, stubborn and solid, just as you had been during those 7 years, refusing to admit your feelings. You hated yourself. Coward, you kept telling yourself. But you loved him. Was teenage love supposed to be this painful? Because if yes, you were done with it. Never again, you thought. You wiped away the unshed tears from your eyes, put on your most determined face on, and went to your parents waiting in the crowd. You had a career to build, and Aurors were not made of lovesick teenagers. 

1981 - 1991

After graduating, the world outside Hogwarts proved to be colder and crueler than you had imagined. The First Wizarding War was a brutal, heart-wrenching time. As planned, you took the path of an Auror, but not for the same reasons you had wanted. Rather, it was in a desperate attempt to right the world's wrongs, to lose yourself, to numb yourself. It was your refuge, but it was also a painful reminder of the war's cost, a daily confrontation with terror and death. Was Remus alive? The question gnawed at you the moment you opened your eyes every morning. It consumed you. You had not seen each other in over 10 years, but the mere thought of him losing his life felt like someone was ripping you open with their bare hands, no magic. Maybe that's what drove you, in the end, to be an Auror. Stupid teenage love. 

The horrors of your profession haunted you every night. You had been dishonest with yourself. Sure, you wanted to "right the world's wrongs". But really, every time you were out on a mission, you were looking for him, the boy, now man, with sandy hair, with golden scars, with the softest voice, kindest eyes, shyest smile. But he was never there. So you gave up and did everything you could to bury every memory of him as deep as possible, unreachable, and decided to try and go teach other lovesick teenagers. At least then, you would feel at home. 

And home, you were. The old headmaster was still there, his blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles. Professor McGonagall, head of your house years ago, welcomed you back with the expression of a proud mother. In her eyes, you had made it. You had been successful. An Auror retiring to teach young witches and wizards. But you didn't feel successful, you felt broken, empty. And the only other colleague who seemed to reflect that void was Severus. You had been surprised to see him as a teacher. The man had always been isolated, grim-looking, sad. He reminded you of a dementor, and maybe that's why you enjoyed sharing a cup of tea with this old classmate in the staff room, to torture yourself and forget about your lost love. Had he really been a dementor, you don't even think you would have been affected because all that was left was nothing. Longing. Hurt. Despair. 

Yet, in your first term as a teacher, you had this stupid hope. Maybe. Maybe Remus would walk through the Great Hall. Of all four troublemakers, he was the prefect, after all. Of course he would be a teacher. You had been so obsessed with this idea that you started losing sleep months before the term started. You surveyed the staff table like a hawk, looking for him. You were going mad. Here you were, grown, accomplished, yet still obsessing over your teenage love, retracing your steps through the halls like you used to 20 years ago to catch only a glimpse of him. Except now you knew he wouldn't be there. 

September 1993

You sat at the long staff table, your eyes idly scanning the crowd of eager young faces gathered in the Great Hall. You were numb. Not even waiting for anything anymore. Just going through the motions. Professor McGonagall had just finished calling out the names of the first-year students when the staff entrance at the side of the Hall creaked open. 

You turned your head reflexively, expecting another late-arriving student or perhaps a staff member who'd lost track of time. What you did not expect was the sight that greeted you, freezing you in your seat. 

A man stepped into the Great Hall, pausing for a moment to soak in the ambiance as if he too were revisiting old memories. Older and more weathered than you remembered, his sandy hair was now tinged with grey, and his face bore scars that were definitely not there during your Hogwarts years. His robes, though neat, were faded and had seen better days. But it was his eyes- those gentle blue eyes, filled with a unique blend of sorrow and kindness- that told you everything you needed to know. 

Remus. 

Your heart was pounding so loud in your chest that you were sure the entire Hall could hear it. The moment his eyes met yours, he too froze in place, as if the mere sight of you had rooted him to the ground. A mixture of emotions swirled in his gaze- surprise, confusion, and something softer, more intimate, that you hadn't seen in anyone's eyes for a long time. 

Tears welled up in your eyes, unbidden but not unwelcome, as you shared a look so intense, it was as if no one else existed. A look that whispered of years lost, of what could have been, and- perhaps- of what still might be. Not a word was spoken, but in that moment, volumes were said, a dialogue only you could understand. 

The gravity of the moment was so strong that you barely registered Remus moving again, navigating his way through the Hall to join the staff at the table. As he sat down beside you, the familiar scent of him struck you like a freight train- parchment, coffee, and a hint of pine trees. It was intoxicating, transporting you back to a simpler time, back to late-night study sessions and furtive glances. Your cheeks flushed as you realized that the empty chair next to you would be his for the entire year. There you were, a lovesick teenager again. 

You found yourself struggling to maintain your composure as Dumbledore rose to his feet to introduce the new staff member. 

"Before we continue, I'm pleased to welcome Professor R.J Lupin, who's kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher," he announced, his eyes twinkling as he gestured towards Remus. 

The students erupted into applause as Remus stood up awkwardly, a sheepish smile on his face. You found yourself unable to clap, your hands trembling in your lap as you watched him. It was surreal to see him here, after all these years. 

As soon as the ceremony ended, before the feast even began, Remus got up from his seat and made his way out of the Great Hall almost immediately, without saying a word. He looked almost...flustered? Impossible, you thought. YOU were flustered. How could he be? 

For days after your wordless reunion, you and Remus moved in parallel orbits, close yet never intersecting. The tension between you was palpable; an emotional undercurrent that resonated through every stolen glance and momentary brush of your eyes. You would catch him staring at you across the Great Hall during meals, only for him to look away, flustered, when you met his gaze. He would spot you in the corridors, seemingly engrossed in conversation with Professor McGonagall, but he knew you were acutely aware of his presence. 

You both longed to talk, to share the feelings that had overwhelmed you during that first eye contact, yet you were both paralyzed by a mix of fear, vulnerability, and the weight of years that had gone by. Remus, scarred by the war, lost everyone he loved most, was terribly afraid of loving again. And you, scarred by years of void, searching, numbing, were terribly afraid of being rejected. 

The tension reached its peak one fateful evening when you found yourselves alone in the staff room. You had come to fetch some papers you had left behind, while Remus had sought the space for its quiet ambiance to prepare for his next lesson. As you entered, you were met by the aroma of ancient books, polished wood, and a hint of brewing tea. Remus was standing there, looking startled but then quickly regaining his composure. 

"Ah, good evening," he stuttered, his voice tinged with the nervousness he felt. It was the first time you heard his voice in 20 years. It was deeper, but just as rich, just as soft, making you feel just as weak. 

You felt your cheeks flush as you stepped further into the room. "Good evening," you responded, your voice a half-octave higher than you intended. 

It was awkward, the air was thick with unspoken sentiments and unanswered questions. Remus cleared his throat and offered a formal, almost painfully awkward introduction. 

"You might not remember me, I'm R-" 

Might not remember him? Was he dumb? Clueless? Blind? No. He was just a man, you thought. 

"I know," you cut him off gently, trying to act as if he had not consumed 99% of your brain capacity for the last 20 years. "I do know, Remus." 

The air lightened a little at your words, as if acknowledging your shared history made it easier to breathe. Almost easier. 

"I was just about to make myself a cup of tea. Would you like one?" he offered, trying to navigate the awkwardness that hung in the room. 

"Yes, thank you", you agreed, grateful for a way to break the emotional deadlock. 

As Remus moved to pour the boiling water into the cups, his hands were less steady than he'd have liked. You watched him, your heart pounding in your chest as if it wanted to leap out and bridge the gap that had opened up between you over the years. He handed you the cup, your fingers brushed ever so slightly. The contact, though fleeting, sent a rush of warmth surging through you both. 

From that day on, you became inseparable- or as inseparable as two Hogwarts professors could be. You found excuses to bump into each other in the hallways, 'accidentally' coinciding your evening strolls by the lake or the Forbidden Forest's edge. You began to steal moments wherever you could- sitting together at meals when you could manage it, pausing in empty classrooms for brief, whispered conversations. 

Yet, for all your newfound closeness, you both tiptoed around the deeper emotions and unspoken confessions that hovered in the background. You would catch yourself about to say something too revealing and would quickly pivot the conversation to safer topics. Remus, too, would often find himself on the verge of saying something he feared could ruin everything but would pull back at the last moment, as though treading on dangerous ground. 

The late-night strolls became your sanctuary, where the rest of the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you and your carefully guarded feelings. 

"You've changed the curriculum quite a bit," you would say, your eyes sparkling as you discussed his innovative teaching methods. 

"And you've managed to make Arithmancy popular. I've never seen so many students signing up for it," he would reply, his eyes lingering on your face as if trying to decipher the mysteries hidden behind your eyes. 

You would both laugh, the tension easing for a moment, yet neither of you would take that final, daunting step to acknowledge the flame that had been rekindled and now burned almost painfully. 

It was a dance you both had perfected, a dangerous game you played. And though you circled around your feelings, it was clear to you both that this delicate balance couldn't last forever. It was as if you were students again. Desperate, lovesick, terrified teenagers. 

And you couldn't take it anymore. You wouldn't. That night, the air was particularly cold, the air crisp, and the half-moon hung low in the sky, casting long shadows across the grounds. 

"It's been weeks, Remus. Weeks since you came back into my life," you began, your voice shaky. "We keep circling around each other like we're afraid of something." 

"Afraid?" Remus responded, trying to maintain his composure. "There's nothing to be afraid of." 

"Isn't there?" You looked up, your eyes meeting his. "Then why haven't you touched me? Why haven't we talked about what's really going on between us? Why haven't you invited me out for a coffee?" 

Remus looked away, visibly wrestling with himself. "I can't. I can't give you what you want." 

The raw pain in his voice struck you, and you felt your own eyes brimming with tears. "And what do you think I want, Remus? Is it so wrong to want to be with you? Or am I not good enough for you?" 

He took a deep breath, his voice tinged with bitterness. "You deserve someone better, someone who can be there for you in all the ways I can't."

That was it. The dam of emotions you'd been holding back for years finally burst. "Better? Do you have any idea how many nights I've lain awake wondering if you were even alive? Do you know how terrifying it is to love someone and not know if they're dead or alive, Remus?" 

Your words struck him to his core. Of course, he knew what it felt like. He had lived it for 20 years. 

Your voice had risen to almost a scream, your body shaking as you confronted him, assaulted him with your words. "All those years, I never had the courage to approach you, to tell you how I felt. We lost all that time, and now here you are, yet you've never felt so out of reach." 

Remus couldn't look at you. His gaze was fixed on the ground, and he seemed to be shrinking into himself. "You don't understand. I'm not good for you." 

"Why? Because you're a werewolf?" you snapped, the words tumbling out of you before you could stop them. 

Remus's head snapped up, his eyes wide with shock. 

"I've known since Hogwarts, Remus. And I never cared. Are you blind? All I've wanted for the past 20 years was to be with you, to even just see you, to-" 

Before you could say another word, Remus closed the distance between you in two quick strides, his hands gripping your waist as he pushed you against a tree. Your eyes met for a split second- a second filled with anger, surprise, confusion, but above all, an overwhelming love- and his lips crashed into yours in a desperate, hungry kiss. His hand snaked up to your neck, feeling your pulse, as if he was trying to convince himself that this was real. You pressed your body against him, the heat radiating from him was intoxicating, dizzying. 

But then the kiss slowed, its intensity giving way to a slow, loving gentleness, one that you associated with him so much. Remus's hands moved from your neck to cup your face, his thumbs wiping away the tears that had spilled onto your cheeks. Your hands found their way to his chest, gripping his robes like they were a lifeline, like he would vanish any second. 

Finally, you broke the kiss, a little out of breath, but remained close, your foreheads touching. "I'm sorry," Remus whispered, his voice tinged with regret. "I'm sorry for all the years we lost, for all the pain I've caused you." 

You shook your head, your eyes searching his. "We can't get back the years we've lost, but we have now, Remus. That has to count for something." 

He looked at you, really looked at you, and for the first time since the war, he allowed himself to believe in the possibility for a future- a future filled with love, warmth, and a happiness he had never thought he'd deserve. 

"Okay," he said softly, the word heavy with the weight of the promise it carried. 

"Okay," you repeated. 

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #professor remus lupin #professor remus lupin x reader #marauders #golden trio era #hp fic #sorry it's so cheesy idk what got into me

[controversialhpmemes]

being a hater in this fandom used to be fun i swear !! like, i was never a massive ron fan. when i read the books as a kid he reminded me too much of a boy i knew who i didn’t like. he just annoyed me, which is how it goes with books sometimes. that said, any analysis of hp as a narrative clearly shows that ron was the PERFECT friend for harry, an extremely realistic kid, a great demonstration of choosing loyalty even when we have doubts and insecurities, as well offering the average and well-meaning magical perspective, biases intact. you used to be able to be a hater while fully acknowledging this. now it’s like “um actually ron befriended harry for the money and ron and hermione’s relationship is abusive (she should have been with draco)” and it’s so annoying. remus and tonks were very well written, and through their relationship we get to see a lot of their strongest traits (remus’ cowardice and self-hatred for his condition, tonks’ spunk and resolve), as well as drawing a parallel of an orphan who grows up so loved. all of this understood, i didn’t love it. but not because fucking.. tonks morphs into sirius in bed (?????) and remus is a repressed tragic homosexual who would never touch a gross dirty w*man. like what on earth. where do y’all get this shit. it takes all of the fun out of being a bit of a hater because these people truly believe this stuff and cannot appreciate narrative value or cohesion when it gets in the way of their made up story. like girl no. stop. i thought we were just playing but you were fr..

Long ago you could tease characters, ships, tropes with nuance. Today it is black and white. Either it is evil or it is good. No middle ground. Your opinions = your morality.

I blame falling reading comprehension skills and illiteracy.

#asked #answered #anti marauders fandom #anti marauderstok #anti jegulus #anti wolfstar #fandom wank #fandom discourse #fandom problems #fandom culture #reading comprehension #illiteracy #critical thinking #critical reading

[funky-fairy]

Lily, Remus and Pandora Headcanons (ridiculously long list)

they're my blorbos i would give my life for them. i project a lot onto remus and lily, so if anything is wildly out of character it's probably that

Lily

very kindhearted but also sarcasm queen

burnt out

Academic validation > real sense of self worth

needs external validation (no this is not healthy she's working on it)

better at potions than snivellus and he hates it hehehe

average at „regular“ magic (spells etc) but exceptional at „scienc-y magic“ (potions, arithmancy, astronomy, herbology etc) bc she's just that cool

plant mom (also green plants > flowers)

actually a rulebreaker, she’s just too smart to get caught

struggles to feel like she belongs: witch in the muggle world, muggle in the wizard world

study buddies to best friends with Remus

fav colours sage green and lavender

sorting hat couldn’t decide between gryffindor and ravenclaw at first

never involved in any drama but knows all about it

everyone is very surprised whenever she swears but she actually swears a lot

tells Pandora about the greek pandora myth and thinks that that's flirting

lotssssss of freckles

curvy/chubby

she is so sleep deprived

sneaks into the library at night (oh wherever could the sleep deprivation come from i have no idea)

loves christmas season (decorating, baking, cheesy movies, music, buying gifts for friends etc., not the christian part)

stress-bakes but can't even cook spaghetti without burning down the kitchen (baking is just different than cooking for her)

constantly apologizes for everything

smokes occasionally and always swears it's the last time (it’s not)

actually not that short but looks very short next to remus and pandora

abba fan (unironically) and always tries to get sirius to dress up as abba with her, remus and pandora (she already coerced persuaded them) for halloween

soft but wouldn't hesitate to kill for the ppl she loves

would love penelope scott if she was a modern teen bc i say so

first one to notice remus has a crush on sirius and vice versa

last one to notice she has a crush on pandora and vice versa

reminds others to drink/eat/sleep/dress warm enough but often doesn't herself bc she feels like she 'doesn't deserve it' :((

kind of a people-pleaser but remus is helping her to stop

so afraid of failure she sometimes doesn’t even try

Remus

doesn't cry (not on purpose he just suppressed his emotions for so long he literally can't cry anymore unless he has a full on mental breakdown)

caffeine addiction

won’t drink anything that isn't hot (eg coffee and tea, but also just hot water)

covers up his intense self hatred with jokes (not self deprecating but like joking about being perfect and stuff, idk how to explain it it's mostly me projecting bc i do that lmao)

very sarcastic and can come off as harsh

actually very nice and non-judgmental

chocolate >>>>>

never involved in any drama but wants to know all about it (Lily is his main source of information)

swears a lot

teachers think he’s very responsible but he just doesn’t get caught being irresponsible

smokes too much

thought the sorting head made a mistake by sorting him into gryffindor at first and still feels insecure about it all through his hogwarts years

patronus is a big black dog(sdfghjk)

very very tall but like kind of lanky

lots of scars obv

Sirius had to ask him out (and later propose to him sdfghjdfs) bc he had too much self doubt/hatred and thought Sirius would never want to be with him :(( (He did. Sirius very much wanted to be with him. Very much.)

top tier insomniac (lily makes sleep droughts for him tho)

lily taught him how to bake and now he loves it and is getting quite good at it

corrects people's grammar

knows every single abba lyric bc of lily

david bowie fan

constantly third-wheeling pandora and lily

hits/breaks things when angry, sometimes hits himself but never others

so afraid of rejection he ends up pushing ppl away (they can’t leave you if you don’t let them close in the first place) (his only close friends still are James, Sirius, Peter and Lily, but it took so long for him to let especially Lily close. Pandora still isn’t quite there even tho they are def very good friends)

Pandora

very smart but only does anything at all if she likes the class/thinks it makes sense to have the class

only follows rules she thinks make sense and most teachers just gave up trying to do something about it

experiments with magic a lot

has scars from said experiments

also random bruises and scratches of unknown origin

wears large quantities of jewellery (piercings, earrings, necklaces, bracelets, beads etc in her butterfly locs)

homemade jewellery >>>>>

cannot flirt to save her life

eyeliner.

absolutely in love with lily’s brain

doesn’t drink caffeine

her maiden name is lovegood and both lily and her become lovegood-evans later bc in my brain they marry

just wanders around sometimes (excuses it with saying she sleepwalks if she gets caught past curfew)

t a l l

the sorting head barely touched her head before sorting her into ravenclaw

patronus is an octopus bc it's very intelligent but often seen as 'weird'

fav flower is the lily of the valley (sfdghjk)

knits (she knits sweaters and scarfs for lily <3)

is like the only one in this trio that actually feels pretty good about herself

although she does realize ppl tend to see her as 'weird' she just kind of accepted it? like, yeah, other ppl can be close-minded but she knows that and doesn't let it define her; as long as she's happy and doesn't hurt ppl it's all good for her

exclusively drinks sparkling water and jasmine tea

hates the feeling of brushing her teeth and is always working on spells/potions(with lily sdfghjdfs) that clean her teeth for her

would definitely also love penelope scott if she was a modern teen

loves pastries and other little baked goods

literally doesn't get cold

#marauders #marauders era #the marauders #marauders fandom #marauders headcanon #marauder headcanons #headcanons #headcanon #remus lupin #remus #lily evans #pandora lovegood #pandalily #pandora x lily #lily x pandora #remus lupin headcanon #remus lupin hc #pandora #pandora lovegood headcanons #lily evans headcanons #lily evans hc #pandora rosier #pandora lestrange #lily evans potter

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Gross

Fic Idea (no pressure obviously) Thomas struggling with his self image and ego, and in response Roman ends shapeshifting all the time, fluctuating between the masculine beauty standard (lean, muscular, hairless) and what society considers “ugly” (pudgy, hairy). And based on how he looks, Roman will interact with the others or hide away – anon

hihi!! had this random idea for a sanders sides fic- something along the lines of- a while after Remus and Roman split, Remus comes back (when the dark sides start to get more involved) and confesses that he hoped Roman was doing better after he joined the light sides? that all he wanted was for his brother to be happy, away from the darkness for once? angst sadness ykyk :)) – can-you-hear-me-axhilles

hi, so I just read your wings series and I was wondering if we could have something with Remus and his tentacles? Like maybe him thinking they are ugly or something, I’m not really sure. Maybe Roman has animal characteristics too and they’re “prettier” or “better” so he gets insecure? Mainly focused on these two but I don’t mind if it’s all of them together. No pressure to write this tho! – anon

I’ve been reading your Sanders Sides stuff for the longest time and I was wondering if I could get some Roman angst with a side of creativitwins? – meandmacats

Read on Ao3

Warnings: non-consensual body modification, self-esteem issues, self-hatred

Pairings: gen

Word Count: 5481

Or, five times Remus helped Roman out when Thomas's self-esteem issues change his nature, and one time Roman helps Remus.

 

”Remus?”

Remus looks up from his knitting to see Patton standing over him. “What’s good, Pat-Pat?”

“I’m, what’re you doing?”

“Oh, I’m knitting this patchwork sweater out of hair.”

“Oh…how cool.” Patton gives himself a shake. “Anyway, I was wondering if you’ve seen Roman? He was supposed to come down for lunch but he never showed.”

“Like, at all, at all?”

“Yeah. Neither hair nor hide! Or—well, I guess he did do the hide since he’s hiding from us, and you’re the hair!”

“Ah, Pat-Pat, never stop with the dad jokes. You’ll make all of us go into pun-withdrawal.” Remus carefully sets aside the needles and bounces to his feet. “I’ll go look for him, see if he needs to be pried out of the dragon’s gullet again.”

“Oh, thanks so much, Remus, I really—wait, ‘again?’”

“Gotta blast!”

Honestly, it’s not like Roro is known for missing deadlines, that’s Remus’s thing. Especially when it comes to things like meals and remembering to eat—well, Ro’s not exactly the pinnacle of healthy practices when he get absorbed in his work, but he’s better at it than some people give him credit for. Which means he’s either deep in the middle of something he’s keeping to himself, he’s asleep because the time zones in the Imagination are all kinds of wackadoo, or he really does need to be rescued.

Which isn’t Remus’s thing, come on, Ro, you’re ruining his reputation.

By the time he gets to the Imagination, he’s already pulling out his acid-proof gloves and sharpening his Morningstar. He stops dead, however, when he sees the doors are still locked from last night. That’s weird. Maybe Ro just used his personal gate instead of the main one? But that just takes him right to his little workshop area, that’s not anywhere near where the dragons are…

He’s about to go for his gateway when he hears a quiet noise coming from Roman’s door. Frowning, he turns. Roman’s door is only a few feet away. He glances up and down the hall to make sure none of the resident sneaks are nearby—Janus and Virgil—and knocks on the door.

“Uh, busy!”

“Ro, it’s me.”

“Oh. Did you, um, did you need something?”

“You weren’t at lunch. Pat-Pat’s getting worried.”

He hears a muffled curse and the door glimmers slightly. That’s Roman’s cue that he can sink in. He stows the acid gloves and the Morningstar and sinks in, expecting Roman at his desk or on the floor puzzling over some bit of a story he can’t quite get right, but instead he sees an empty room.

“Where are you?”

“Bathroom.”

Remus pops his head through the door and blinks. “Whoa.”

”Yeah, yeah,” Roman mumbles, already reaching for the bandages curled up on the counter, “you don’t have to say it.”

”That looks—“

“I said you don’t have to say it.”

Remus slams his mouth shut, but he can’t stop staring at the acne. Throbbing red pimples that look like they’re causing Roman pain every time he so much as breathes, bigger whiteheads that have already started to ooze, blackheads that litter every inch of skin that isn’t already covered, some of which look like they’re almost on top of each other…

Roman turns his back on him and hunches his shoulders. “What do you want, Re?”

“I, uh…well, now I want to help.”

Roman laughs. It’s not funny. “There isn’t any helping this. Not until Thomas feels better.”

“Whoa. Back up. What?”

“This.” He waves a hand at his face. “This is a thing, remember?”

“Oh. Oh, right, fuck.”

“Yeah.”

Remus scrubs a hand over his face. “Can I help make it less painful while it’s going on?”

There’s a pause. Then Roman’s head turns slightly. “Would you?”

“Shit, yeah,. Roro. You’ve helped me with stuff more times than I can count on my fingers and toes, let me help you.” He gets a small huff that might be an actual that-was-kind-of-funny-I’m-feeling-better laugh. “Yeah?”

“…yeah, okay.”

“Wonder-bats! Okay, I think I still have that stuff from when we had those sores from the poison experiments…where did I put that?”

“Did you leave it in your room or my room?”

”We cleaned up here, so it should be…aha!” He takes a big plastic case from under the sink. “Go sit your perky butt on the edge of the tub, I’ll be right there.”

“…thanks, Remus.”

“What’re brothers for?”

2.

The very first time it had happened, it had been well before Thomas had learned what it was to be attractive.

Remus had found Roman crying in his room, curled up under all the blankets he could find with tissues covering the floor.

“Ro-bro? What happened? Do I need to fight someone for you?”

“It won’t come off!”

“What won’t come off?”

Roman had peered out from under the blanket cocoon and Remus’s mouth had dropped open when he saw the words FREAK and LOSER written all across Roman’s face in permanent marker.

“Who did that? Was it Virgil? I’ll fight him!”

“No,” Roman had sniffled, “it wasn’t—wasn’t Virgil. It wasn’t any of them.”

“Did you do it? That’s more my kinda thing, isn’t it?”

“No!” Roman had wailed. “I didn’t do it! Someone—someone hurt Thomas!”

“Someone hurt Thomas? But nothing happened! We didn’t get into any fights!”

“Not like that! They were just mean. They were really mean and they said he looked ugly and they called him a f-freak and a loser and—and—“

Remus had scurried forward and wrapped his brother in a hug as he broke down in tears. “You’re not a freak or a loser, Roro. Neither is Thomas. They were wrong, you know that, right?”

”Then why won’t it come off?”

Sure enough, up close, Remus had seen the red and raw skin where Roman had scrubbed it with whatever he could find to make the words go away. Bits were even coming off on the blanket as Roman rubbed his cheek against it.

”Hey, hey, stop that. You’re hurting yourself.”

“I don’t care.”

“I care! I don’t like seeing my brother hurt!” Remus had given him a shake. “You don’t have to hurt yourself more on top of this, okay? Come on, come into the bathroom, I’ll help you.”

“Y-you will?”

“Yeah, Roro, come on.”

The twins had gone to the bathroom where towels and washcloths were still strewn around from Roman’s previous attempts. Remus had made Roman sit on the stool and reached for the soap, getting one of the washcloth more suds than cloth and trying to wipe off the words.

“That tastes so bad.”

“So keep your mouth shut.”

“But you keep wiping it over my mouth!”

“No, I’m wiping it over your cheek, which is next to your mouth. And you talking isn’t making it any better, so shush.”

Roman had grumbled silently until Remus accidentally went too roughly over one of the sore spots and Roman yelped.

“Ow!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry,. I didn’t mean to.”

“Wash it off! Wash it off!”

“Okay, okay! Come here!”

They had stumbled over to the sink and Remus practically shoved Roman’s head under the tap. He had spluttered and flailed out, splashing Remus.

”Hey! Don’t splash me!”

“I’ll splash you all I want!”

“No, you won’t!”

“Yeah, I will!”

It had…devolved from there.

The bathroom had been sopping wet by the end of it, not a towel nor tile had been spared from the twin’s water war. Their clothes were just as soaked, their hair dripping like they’d just walked through a hurricane. The sink and the bathtub still ran as if nothing were wrong and the detachable shower head in Remus’s hand sprayed as merrily as ever.

”Whoa, hey!”

“What?”

“It’s gone!”

Roman had run to the mirror, touching his face. Sure enough, the words had vanished.

”It is gone!”

”You’re welcome,” and he had taken a big bow with the shower head still spraying everywhere, “I think that means I win.”

“Whoa, wait, no, it doesn’t.”

“Yes, it does.”

”No!”

“Yes!”

It took a while longer for the war to end and even longer for the bathroom to dry.

3.

Someone says Thomas eats too much junk food and Roman can’t stop dripping oil.

Remus finds him sitting on his bathroom floor, the drain in the shower covered with a towel. He’s sitting on towels too, towels soaked and heavy with oil as Roman’s tears fight to get out from his eyes and through the slick covering his skin.

“The others are worried,” he says quietly, lingering in the doorway, “they want to know what’s wrong.”

Roman doesn’t say anything. Remus peers a little closer and sees the telltale sheen over his mouth too. Even just thinking about how it must feel to have that much oil on his lips makes Remus shudder. He summons a washcloth from his own stash and a bottle of soap.

“Just like old times,” he says as he crouches down in front of him, “I’m gonna wash off the oil on your face, okay?”

Roman manages a small nod and Remus gets to work. Normally when he’s washing oil off stuff, he scrubs at it like he’s trying to grind it with sandpaper and the soap foams up around his wrist. But this is Roman, not some metal piece of equipment, so he goes as gently as he can without suffocating him with soap or making no progress at all. He has to stop a few times when Roman lets out a pained noise or winces at the rasp of the cloth, just holding a blotting sheet there to soak up the oil as best he can while he waits for him to settle. He makes a note to work on the heavy duty blotters in case something like this ever happens again.

At last, when Roman looks like he’s about to cry for a very different reason, the space around his lips and nose is clear enough for him to gasp out a few words.

“Sorry, thank you, sorry—“

”Shh-shh, Roro, you don’t need to apologize. Just tell me what you need.”

”’S so gross.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m right here.”

Roman lets out a frustrated whine and Remus quickly pulls out his phone.

“If you tell me what Thomas needs to stop thinking about I can get Lolo on it.”

“No, then he’ll—“

“I’m not gonna tell him what’s wrong with you, okay? I’m just gonna prod them into getting Thomathy’s brain on the right track away from whatever-the-fuck-this-is-station.”

More oil starts to build up and he shoves his phone in his pocket, working on washing it away again. His presence seems to have calmed Roman down a bit; the oil comes in smaller waves this time, concentrated more around the naturally oily parts of his face rather than every inch of his skin. When he’s cleaned off the areas around his nose and mouth, he goes and starts moving to the rest of his head.

“Junk food,” Roman mumbles, as if saying it too loud would make the oil return with a vengeance, “saying bad stuff ‘bout Thomas…unhealthy…gross…”

Remus whips out his phone and sends a text to Logan about food not having a moral weight and how eating something was always better than eating nothing. He gets a text back a few seconds later that just says on it.

“Lolo cavalry is assembled, he’s going.” He tucks the phone away and keeps washing Roman off. “And I’m gonna stay right here until we get all this oil off you, okay? We can even do your thirteen-step skin care routine once it’s gone.”

“It’s not thirteen steps.”

“Whatever you wanna tell me, Roro, at least you’re not as bad as Snakey.”

It’s the first time Roman manages to laugh that day, and Remus makes sure it isn’t the last.

4.

When Patton and Logan have near simultaneous nervous breakdowns after someone calls Thomas lazy, Remus makes sure Virgil’s wrapped around the Mindscape’s padre and Janus has Logan in his little snake den before he goes off in search of Roman.

The Imagination door is covered in cobwebs that retreat as he approaches, a few spiders waving hello as they disappear. He runs his hand over the keyhole, checking to see if it’s just an affectation, or if Roman really hasn’t been using it. He knows he has, is the thing; Roman’s had more projects on the go this month than he’s ever had before and if it weren’t for Janus and Logan dragging him out of it to make sure he didn’t completely lose touch with the Mindscape, he bets his left barnacle that Roman would’ve been living there too just so he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to keep working. And sure enough, the keyhole glows red as soon as his fingers brush it and he carefully pushes the door open.

He walks into the most statistically average middle class sitcom home he’s ever seen. Needless to say, he hates it.

”Ro? Are you here?”

There’s a faint noise coming from what he guesses is the direction of the living room and listen, as little time as he has to spend in this painfully mediocre place, the better. Seriously, he can feel the whispers of white picket fences and PTA meetings lingering ominously over his shoulder with every second he walks through these beige walls. Snatches of TV dialogue becomes audible as he makes his way through the house.

He comes to a stop.

He tilts his head.

There’s certainly a person in the living room, but it doesn’t really look like Roman. They look like every Sunday cartoon about a husband and wife where it’s terribly misogynistic and heteronormative, recliner out, bag of chips in lap, staring vacantly at the TV. It’s only the fact that they’re crying at the paid advertising programs and that Remus would recognize his brother anywhere that he knows it’s Roman.

He sits down on the plastic covered couch and tries not to look at the soulless photos of smiling families perched on the dusty mantle. Roman doesn’t look away from the screen but the hand nearest Remus twitches slightly.

“Hey,” he calls, and Roman’s head turns a little, “hey, Roro. I’m here. It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

The TV blares something about a crockpot that cooks fancier meals than a normal crock pot.

“I know how shitty it is when people accuse you of being lazy. Especially when they’re just complaining that they haven’t seen anything from you.” He shuffles and the couch squeaks. “And we all know how hard you’re working. How hard Thomas is working.”

Roman’s eyes flick to his. Remus smiles and takes his hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze.

“Giving yourself a break isn’t being lazy. Having a hard time doing things isn’t lazy. Not being able to work on something because it’s just covered in the fucking ooze isn’t being lazy. You aren’t being lazy, okay? You wouldn’t even be lazy if you decided you didn’t want to work on any projects for the next year.”

The TV glitches out. Static fills the room and it actually feels like Remus can breathe. He squeezes Roman’s hand again and shifts closer. Roman stares at him with wide eyes.

”I mean it, Roro. You’re not—I know we’ve gone over this and I’ll keep giving you crowbars for as long as you need them—“

The smallest smile appears on Roman’s face.

“—but you’re not—your worth isn’t in what products or content you can make. You know i love you because you’re my brother, because you’re funny and clever and ridiculous and there’s no one I’d rather make stuff with. You could decide that you don’t want anything to do with Thomas’s career anymore—“

Roman makes a devastated noise.

“Calm down, calm down, I know that’s not true, I’m just spouting a wild hypothetical, okay? If you decided to do that and I made sure it was really you and you hadn’t lost some sort of bet, then yeah, I’d still want you to be my brother. We’d still do stuff. I don’t give a shit what everyone else thinks.”

”…promise?”

Remus could sob with relief at actually hearing Roman’s voice come out, and he grins so wide his cheeks start to hurt. “I promise, Roro, I promise. You’re not lazy, you’re resting, and even if you were, I wouldn’t care.”

‘’M not trying to be lazy. It’s—I’m just—“

“Shh, shh, Roro, it’s okay,” The bag of chips falls to the ground and catches fire as Remus tugs his brother into his arms. “I’m right here. You’re doing so good, okay? Thomas is too.”

Remus doesn’t burn the house down because he’s had too many lectures from Janus about that, but he does get a big cartoon wrecking ball to smash the whole thing into smithereens.

He does burn the recliner though. And the plastic-covered couch. They deserved it.

5.

The latex gloves snap on as Roman sits on the edge of the tub with a grunt. He picks up the rest of the kit and sets it on the stool.

”Do you know what it’s about this time?”

“Someone said something about how immature Thomas is being about criticism and how he can’t take care of things, something like that.”

“Why did it manifest as acne, then?”

”I don’t know, maybe something about how teenagers who are hormonal and don’t really know how to take care of their skin get acne?”

Remus snorts. “Do people still not understand that acne happens and can happen to anyone regardless of age?”

‘Apparently not.”

“Well, they can go lick the Kraken’s crack.”

“Ew, Remus.”

“Just trying to keep the mood light.” He picks up one of the cotton swabs and a paper towel and leans down. “I’m gonna try and clean up some of the wet stuff first, okay? Then we can actually get onto some relief.”

“You’re not gonna pop any of them, are you?”

“I don’t think so. At least not right now.”

”Because I really don’t want this to scar.”

Remus hums, carefully running the swab over a particularly inflamed part of his cheek. “Can you give me a pain rating?”

”Like a 6? It’s not that bad but it’s not a pain I’m used to it’s…freaking me out.”

“Understandable, have a nice day. If it ever gets too much, let me know and we’ll switch to a cool pack, okay?”

Roman hums as Remus goes to work. A pile of discarded swabs and other trash accumulates at Remus’s elbow as he works patiently around the various, uh, ‘zones.’ They have to stop a few times when it gets to a point where Roman’s whole face just aches, waiting for it to subside enough that Remus can keep going.

“There are a couple down here that look like they’re ready to go, do you want me to just get ‘em out?”

”Be careful.”

“Sure, yeah. If it starts to hurt lemme know and I’ll back off right away.”

He gets a few of them, a few more putting up too much of a fight so he leaves them be. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Roman heroically stop two or three whimpers before he lightly jabs him in the stomach and tells him to knock that posturing shit off, he doesn’t need it here.

“…thanks, Re.”

“I told you, it hurts too much, I stop.”

“I know.” He shifts on the tub. “I think it’s just…hard to remember.”

Remus frowns, glancing up at him. Roman fiddles with the hem of his prince costume.

“You know…with the others?”

”No. I don’t know, Ro.”

“They don’t—they’re—they want Princey, Prince Roman. Not…the rest of this.” He waves his hand to indicate the cotton carnage. “So it’s hard to…”

He trails off when he sees the expression on Remus’s face.

“What?”

”You mean they don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“That this—“ he waves at Roman— “happens to you. Any of it.”

“I mean, they know I’m the Ego and it makes sense that I get hurt when Thomas feels bad, but—“

”But not how much.” Roman won’t meet his gaze. “Fuck, Ro.”

“…it’s complicated.”

“Shit, no, I’m not—look at me, Ro. I’m not mad at you. I’m just—this wasn’t what I’d hoped.”

Roman frowns. “What do you mean, what you hoped?”

Remus sighs. This is turning into way more of a conversation than he’d ever anticipated. Glancing around, he picks up the cold pack and hands to to Roman before taking a seat on the counter. His legs swing and kick at the cabinets with a quiet thunk-thunk, thunk-thunk.

“When the Split happened, and we went to the Dark Sides, I…dunno, I guess I thought it would be…better.”

“Because we were separated?”

“What? No, no, because I had the stuff like Deceit and Anxiety with me, so they couldn’t make any of this stuff worse—not that they would,” he says when Roman opens his mouth to protest, and wow, have they come a long way, “but just ‘cause…well, yeah. You had Logic and Morality, who were—doesn’t that make sense? That they would be able to help?”

Roman sighs. He picks at the edge of the ice pack. “It’s not that simple.”

“Then explain it to me.”

“Logan’s thing is object impermanence, you know that.” Remus winces in sympathy. “But having someone tell you something isn’t real when you can feel it and it is real, to you, that’s not…that’s not helpful. It’s better if he just goes right to Thomas than coming to me.”

“And Patton?”

Roman lets out a humorless huff. “Thomas is feeling bad and Patton is Thomas’s feelings. How do you think that normally goes?”

…yeah, probably not great.

“It’s not all bad,” he continues, softer now, “they’re at least good when I tell them I don’t want to be disturbed. They don’t ask questions if I tell them I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That feels suspiciously like the bare minimum.” Roman shrugs. “I know I literally just said the opposite, but do Janus and Virgil…?”

“They’re both better at comforting the others. It’s okay, Re, I have you. I really only want you when it’s…bad like this.”

“Me? Why?”

“You get it.”

Remus chuckles, getting back up and picking up the next tool. “That simple, huh?”

“Sometimes it’s just that simple.”

”Aw, I love you too, Roro. You’re the specialist baby brother any Side could ever ask for.”

“You—what the hell do you mean, ‘baby brother?’”

“You’re the baby brother.”

“I am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too. Now hush so I don’t accidentally poke your eye out.”

“I’m gonna get you back for this.”

“Oh, I’m so scared about that. Now hold still, Roro, let’s get this out of the way so you can feel better.”

“…love you.”

“I love you too.”

+1.

The Imagination is upset. Roman feels it the second he steps foot through the door and forgoes his normal prince costume for a rougher tunic and boots, strapping his sword to his hip and an emergency pack to his back. The wind blows frigid and punishing over the grass as he starts down the trail, squinting through the dust clouds whipping up around him. The clouds frown around the edges of the tree line, darkening to a stormy black near the edge of the coast. As he nears the black cliffs, rocks crumble beneath him and tumble into a churning sea.

He edges carefully around the craggy rock face, keeping his movements light and careful. Spray whips him in the face as thunder rolls in the distance. The chill near rips his fingers from their precarious handholds. He grits his teeth and keeps going, even as the wind howl so loudly his ears near split from the pain.

There, a little ways down the cliff, is a small cove. He inches his way around the edge of the bluff and drops onto a larger path leading him along the coast. There isn’t any sand here, only rough and unyielding stone. Froth and foam given them gleaming white teeth as the waves churn furiously around the mouth of the sea. He follows the path down, down towards he massive cracks in the sheer rock face, one eye on the black water below him. Despite being so close to the shore, there’s no sign of a bottom and he doesn’t want to risk how deep it is. There’s no telling what current might rip him into the open ocean if he falls in.

The cove is shaped like a spear’s point, the crack in the cliff at its very point as though some massive weapon had shattered the rocks themselves. As Roman nears it, the shadow at the base of the path slowly grows more and more defined, until he realizes that it’s a path through the cliff. The cove is an inlet leading into a hidden sea cave with a vast black lake in its center. Roman peers up at the glistening wet walls, hand on the wall as the wind whistles angrily by.

The water moves. He looks down. Something massive slips just underneath the surface, sending ripples to the shore. He crouches down and sees a huge shape getting closer and closer to the surface. An eye the size of a dining table glares up at him through the water and long arms with rows and rows of hooks reach up toward him.

“Ollie, it’s me. It’s Roman.”

The Kraken pause. The hooked arms retreat and he pokes his head up, letting out a mournful burble. Roman reaches over and taps the water. One of his other arms comes up and Roman pets soothingly along the skin.

“What’s the matter, buddy? What’s going on?”

Ollie burbles again and Roman suddenly realizes why the hooked arms were the ones to reach for him. Beneath the surface, the Kraken’s arms form a cradle of sorts, holding something close to the Kraken’s massive body. As the water shifts and ripples, the thing comes closer and closer to surface, slowly moving to reveal its precious cargo.

And there, nestled in the Kraken’s grip, covered in his own writhing tentacles, is Remus.

“Oh, Re,” Roman murmurs as his brother twitches and whimpers, “what happened? Who did this?”

Ollie burbles again, holding him out, and Roman balances on the edge of the shoreline and stretches to hold on. The Kraken lifts him up and into the cradle too, letting him touch Remus’s frigid skin and shake him awake.

“Re? Re, wake up, it’s okay, I’m here to help.”

The tentacles writhe as Remus stirs, blinking through a pained haze up at Roman. “…Ro?”

“Hey, Re, it’s me. It’s okay, you’re gonna be okay. What happened?”

“Thoughts got too loud.” A tentacle leaves a thick trail of slime across his arm and he shudders. “Sorry.”

“What could you have to be sorry for?”

“‘S gross.”

“You stop that,” Roman chides gently, running his fingers through Remus’s wet hair, “I don’t care if something’s gross, I care if it’s hurting you.”

Remus whimpers, clutching at one of Ollie’s arms. The Kraken squeaks back, trying in vain to warm him up, but there’s only so much he can do in this freezing cave. Roman glances around and bites his lip.

“Does it feel better in the water? Is that why you came down here?”

“Yeah. Ollie came and f-found me.”

Roman pats the worried Kraken. “What do we need to do? Is it like caring for Ollie’s arms?”

“N-no. Like helping the jelly—jellyfish with the twisted—twisted ones.”

He’ll bet just about anything that this frigid water isn’t helping Remus do that, and it’s not like Ollie has opposable thumbs. He goes to slide into the water himself but Ollie chirps in alarm, hoisting them higher.

“What’re you doing?”

“I’m trying to help.“

Remus shakes his head, more slime trailing across his shivering body. “Too cold for you.”

“Well, then it’s definitely too cold for you. Can we get you somewhere warmer?” Remus curls up a little more. “What about that pool near the glowstone trees?”

“That’s all the way on your side.”

“Ollie can take you. I’ll meet you over there.” Remus stays quiet. Roman leans down and brushes the wet hair from his eyes. “What else is bothering you, Re?”

Two of the tentacles glob onto Roman and start leaving trails of slime across his tunic. Remus whimpers and reaches out a hand to yank them away. It’s no use; the roiling mass just keeps smearing slime onto Roman as they try to pull him closer, no matter how hard Remus shoves them away.

Oh.

Oh.

“Re, you’re not too gross. You’re not going to ruin anything. I want you to come with me so I can help you. I care about you. Let me help, please?”

It takes a painfully long moment for Remus to peek up at him and nod. Roman can’t stop the way his shoulders sag in relief and he sits up, patting Ollie’s arm as the Kraken burbles happily.

“You…you really wanna help?”

“Of course I wanna help you, Re, you’re my brother.”

“Okay.”

“Have Ollie take you over to the pool, okay? I’ll meet you there.”

“How are you gonna get there?”

“I have my ways.”

Remus grumbles and he sounds just enough like his normal self that Roman has to reach down and ruffle his hair, no matter how much Remus squawks about it. He climbs back off to the shore and watches Ollie sinks below the surface before he makes his way out to the ocean proper. Taking the charm from beneath his tunic, he closes his eyes and concentrates.

A screaming cry and the massive thudding of wings splits the wind.

Roman’s dragon lands just on the other side of the bluffs and he climbs on, taking off and soaring over the stormy sea. The dragon calls out over the waves and far beneath, he can see the shape of Ollie swimming through the depths. The clouds begin to part as they near the opposite coast, sun rays splitting the worst of the storm as the glowing trees appear on the horizon.

Roman’s dragon sets him down just on the edge of the shimmering pool. He pats its snout and it huffs, lying down on the sun-warmed grass and closing its eyes. As he walks toward the pool and begins to take off his boots, he spots Ollie’s shade moving through the inlet into the warmer water. He chuckles at the way the water vibrates with the Kraken’s pleased rumble.

Clad in just his boxers, he slips into the water and through the tangle of arms to draw Remus into the warmth. Remus immediately tuns and clings to him like a limpet, shivering from the temperature change.

“I know, I know,” Roman murmurs as he starts to work his hands patiently through the mass of tentacles, “just hold onto me. I can still kind of stand here, I’ve got you.”

”You gonna take care of me?”

“Yeah, Re, I’m gonna take care of you.”

He’s rewarded with a sleepy hum and Remus snuggles into him. “You’re the best.”

“No, you’re the best. The best baby brother anyone could ever ask for.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

Remus might mutter an am not back, but it’s muffled by his tired slump into Roman’s arms. Roman just chuckles. He’s sure it’ll come up again at some point.

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#sanders sides #fic #dragonbabbles #roman sanders #roman angst #roman sanders angst #remus sanders #sympathetic remus

[goldencherriess]

Just the way you are.

Pairing: Young! Remus Lupin x Fem! Reader

Word count: 2.7k

Request? Yes! And you can find it right here.

Summary: His secret might be just the one thing to drive them apart.

Warnings: self-hatred, angst, fluff. Could the werewolf transformation be a warning here, does it apply or not??

Masterlist

There were a few more days until the full moon. And Remus was growing restless. The only thing that kept his mind off of it was Y/N, who filled his evenings with warm cuddles on the couch, near the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room. Her perfumed always enveloped him in sweet comfort and he always basked in her halo.

She was slowly falling asleep in his arms, her chest rising and falling soundlessly when James jumped on the couch with a laugh. ''That Evans bird is such a fox. She's playing hard to get.''

''I think she just straight up hates you, mate.'' said Sirius, sitting on an an armchair. Peter lightly laughed, almost snorting as he did and lowering himself on the carpet in front of the fireplace.

''No, I'm telling you! This weekend I'm actually asking her out.''

''You mean again?''

Remus inhaled a breath through his nose. ''She's asleep! Be quiet, will you?'' he whisper shouted, while pointing with a sharp stab of a finger at Y/N's small figure in his arms.

But she wasn't asleep. She was very much awake, still drifting between the groggy realm of daydreams and the colorful, alive, almost pulsating world around her. She kept her eyes closed, but her attention wide open.

''When are you going to tell her?'' voiced Sirius.

Remus shook his head, his hand lightly on top of hers, just a touch of velvet. ''I'm not.''

''You should, Moony.'' added James, looking him in the eyes. ''She has the right to know.''

Peter just nodded his head, agreeing with his bestfriend.

''Right! You've been dating her for, what, a year now?'' said Sirius.

''Five months, Padfoot.'' sighed Remus.

''Same thing! You two have been doing the sweet, heart-shaped eyes at each other far longer than that. You were technically already dating!''

''Doesn't matter. I'm not telling her, it's too dangerous.'' He looked downwards at her, soft eyes and eyebrows crinkling. ''I want her to be safe.'' he added in a croaky whisper.

''She'll find out sooner or later, Moony. The girl is bloody Sherlock Holmes!''

''She won't.'' Remus replied, hugging her closer, oblivious to her heightened hearing.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Y/N sipped on her pumpkin juice as her eyes fleeted throughout the whole Great Hall. Students were milling around, some eating, others reading and catching up on school work (professor Slughorn always did raise expectations up).

''Are you going to Hogsmeade this weekend?'' a voice said near her.

Y/N turned her head next to her, a mop of red hair greeting her. ''Hm? What? No, I don't think so.''

Lily frowned, as her hands reached for some toast. ''Why not? Have a butter beer while you're at it. Snog Remus on a secluded street.'' she smirked.

''Lily!'' exclaimed Y/N, smacking her friend on the arm.

The redhead laughed, biting into the toast. A glint in her forest eyes.

''Remus didn't really invite me to Hogsmeade this weekend. So, I'm not going.'' she shrugged, feigning nonchalance. Her eyes drifted to her lap, her hands playing with the ring received from her grandmother. The pearls were still shining, despite the scraped gold and old age.

"Invite him yourself."

Before Y/N got to reply, laughs cut through the air. James, Sirius and Peter were just entering the Great Hall, swaying with their arms around each other. She noticed his absence. Remus' sandy air wasn't between them, shyly smiling like he used to.

They sat themselves down, James noticing Lily right from the start, his eyes lighting up and lips curling. "Morning, love. Good day today?"

"Until you came in." replied the redhead in a harsh tone, but Y/N knew better. She saw a glimpse of softness flashing in Lily's gaze, before disappearing as fast as it came.

"Where's Remus?" Y/N asked before James could embarrass himself further.

Silence fell over all of them, the boys not quite meeting her eyes. "Where is he?" she repeated firmly.

"He had to do some things." replied Sirius, turning to her slightly.

Y/N's eyebrows pinched together. "In the morning? He has the whole day ahead of him."

If she could squint enough she could see small droplets of sweat forming on Sirius' forehead. "It was urgent. He'll come down."

Except he didn't. And he wasn't in classes either. And Y/N was growing worried and suspicious, her mind remembering the conversation held between the boys in the Common Room. She couldn't help but feel lied to, her heart slowly shattering at the thought.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

She saw his shadow before she saw him. He was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, hunched over with his head in his hands. The Common Room was eerily quiet and the flames cast shadows on his face and on the walls. The whole room looked on fire, basked in bronze lightening.

Y/N silently made her way next to him, the couch betraying her presence by letting out a rusty whine.

His ears perked up and he turned to face her. Remus looked so tired. It broke her heart. The dark circles around his eyes wore him down and the lost look in his gaze looked almost glossy. Without a word, he reached out a hand and clasped hers in a tight embrace. "I missed you today." he said in a low whisper.

She brought herself closer to him, letting her head fall against his shoulder. "Where were you?"

And suddenly his whole body went stiff. Y/N frowned, taking a look at him. Remus' jaw tightened and his eyes closed. "Are you alright?" she asked, worry evident in her voice. "You know you can tell me anything, Remus-"

"I think we should break up."

It was like someone threw a bucket of ice cold water over her, leaving her drenched and miserable. "What?"

His hand slipped away from hers and he refused to meet her eyes, staring into the fire. "It's for the best." he replied in a broken whisper.

Y/N shook her head, feeling tears forming in the corner of her eyes. "I don't get it. It's for the best? How exactly? We were doing fine. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something? You have to tell me, Remus, because I-"

"You didn't do anything."

He was finally turning his head to look at her. His eyes were misty as well and Remus had to swallow some of his tears away. "You did nothing wrong. I just- I just can't do this, Y/N."

Her eyes mirrored his, her lips curled down. And then anger overtook her, boiling her blood and making her eyes flash. "Is this about the conversation from a few days ago? The one with the boys?"

Remus' mouth fell open in shock. "You heard that?"

"Was I not supposed to?" She was challenging him, meeting his gaze head on with a fire that almost burned his soul.

"I thought you were asleep." he said quietly.

"I was. Until James woke me out of it." she replied, crossing her arms.

Remus deeply sighed. "I'm really sorry."

"What for? For keeping me in the dark? For breaking up with me?" The look inside her eyes burned him. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down. He remained silent. "I thought you trusted me." A tear slipped down her cheek and it took everything in him to not kiss it away. Every fiber of his being ached for her. His hand twitched, almost touching hers.

Remus bit onto his lower lip, shaking his head and breaking eye contact. "I care for you too much, Y/N. I hope you know that. It's just- there's things I wish I could explain, things that I wish wouldn't keep us apart, but they do and I- I don't have the power to stop them. I'm crushing under them, love. And I don't want to bring you down with me."

The fire reflected in his chocolate eyes. They looked like those velvety coffee foams that stuck to your lips. She couldn't find the strength in her to look away. A final whisper travelled the length of the room before it reached Remus' ears. "You're breaking me."

And then she was gone, leaving him in the aftermath, with only flames and ash to keep him company.

His eyes fluttered shut, tears rolling down.

•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

It was hard to say when reality ended and daydreams began. They drove her in and out of focus, the corners of her eyes blurred. She saw him everywhere. She saw him on the hallways, in classes, in the library, in the Great Hall and the fact that they were housemates certainly didn't help. His eyes somehow always found hers across the room and they clouded and swirled in a sorrow she couldn't sooth. Because she felt it too.

She counted the days after he said goodbye. Today marked a month. A whole month in which she desperately grasped onto the remaining ends of what they once had. Sometimes, when they passed each other on the hallways, she saw a flicker of hope in his eyes, one that vanished way too quickly for her to ingrain into her mind. And sometimes, she avoided eye contact, choosing to pay her whole attention on Lily who always rambled about how James annoyed her to no extent.

Y/N couldn't actually stay mad at Remus, no matter how hard and often she tried to glare at his back. Her heart was still in his hands. And somehow that scared her.

The only place in which she could hide from his piercing gaze was the Common Room after curfew, the fire long died and the silver light from the full moon streaming in.

The book in her hands slowly slipped away, as her eyes fluttered closed, her mind drifting away into unconsciousness. Her breath evened, the dark enveloping her like a blanket.

Her eyes snapped open when she heard whispers and doors opening and closing. Her eyebrows furrowed and she tried listening in, her sleep already fading away.

''Come on, we're already running late! Moony's already there!'

Her ears recognized James' voice and Remus' nickname and suddenly she was wide awake, her senses acute and heart thumping. She waited a few beats of silence before the portrait closed after the boys and she sat up abruptly, her hair a mess. The moonlight blinded her for a moment. but then she was on her feet, tip toeing around Hogwarts, listening in for any sounds. She still heard the boys' steps ahead of her and Y/N had to stop to catch her breath.

Soon enough, she was outside, her bare feet touching the cold and dewed grass. The full moon painted the scenery in silver, her breath leaving her mouth in the form of white ghosts. From a distance she could decipher the silhouettes of her friends near the Shrieking Shack. Y/N took a step back, confusion overtaking her features.

And then she saw him. She saw Remus hiding in the shadows, leaning on a tree trunk. Butterflies fluttered in her chest, a grin breaking over her lips as she took a few steps towards him. But then it happened. Claws snapped, his figure hunching ever so slightly. Dread filled her stomach and she felt the air leaving her lungs. Y/N's eyes widened and she took a step back.

A branch snapping filled the still, tranquil air.

His eyes whipped towards and for a moment she didn't recognized the boy she had fallen in love with. There was no trance of warmth in them. A scared squeak escaped her lips when he brought himself closer to her, sniffling the air.

''Y/N?!''

This wasn't Remus' voice, but it was Sirius' who was running towards the scene unfolding in front of him. She thought her eyes might deceive her because he transformed into a black dog. A hand touched her shoulder and she met the kind, brown eyes of James Potter. ''Y/N, you have to get out of here. You understand?''

And with a weak nod of her head, her feet took off, sliding on the slippery dirt and through the thick trees, but not before she spared Remus a look of remorse, a pang in her heart.

•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The light filtering through the curtains in the infirmary danced around the room in hues of gold and some bird chirpings could be heard somewhere outside. A light breeze wafted in and woke Remus up, ruffling his hair. The sudden brightness momentarily blinded him and he had to shield his eyes from it. He suddenly acknowledged the voices speaking lowly besides him. ''Welcome back amongst the living, mate.''

His eyes came back into focus and the outlines of his bestfriends hovered above him, a mix of worry and amusement painting their faces. ''You had a rough night.'' James said, smiling softly.

Remus' head pounded and he had to squint against the light to peer up at him. ''What exactly happened?'' But he remembered when he saw her shyly looking at him from behind Sirius' shoulders. His throat went dry. It was as if he tasted sand. ''Oh.''

Peter's eyes drifted between Y/N and Remus and then he cleared his throat. ''Lads, I think we forgot to bring Remus something to read while he stays here for recovery.'' He was not-so-subtly pointing towards the door with his head.

The marauders shuffled after him, the door clinking after them with a bang that echoed throughout the whole room. For awhile, neither of them said anything, Remus found the threads that were coming out of his blanket interesting and Y/N was just staring at him, her eyebrows furrowing in sadness and worry.

''Good weather today.'' voiced Remus just to fill the awkward silence, even though he didn't know exactly how the weather was outside.

Y/N sighed, taking a seat on the chair next to his bed. ''I was there.''

Remus' eyes refused to meet hers, his fingers playing with the blanket draped over him. ''I know.''

''Why didn't you tell me?'' she whispered, trying to meet his gaze.

''Because- because it isn't normal. I mean, look at me, Y/N. I'm not some knight in shining armor.''

Y/N shook her head. ''I never asked you to be.'' Her hand reached over to touch his. She was warm, in ways a fire could never be. It lit his soul.

''Do you hate me now?'' he asked, a sob stuck in his voice.

''What? No, why would you say that?''

''Because of what I am. A monster.'' He whispered the last part, almost chocking.

Y/N's eyes blurred with tears and she shook her head, bringing herself closer to him. ''No, no, Remus, you're not. When I look at you I don't see a monster. I see a boy who loves books and chocolate and his friends. I see you just the way you are.''

''I could've hurt you, Y/N!''

''But you didn't. Hey, hey, look at me.'' Her fingers touched his chin, bringing his gaze on her. Remus was left breathless at the sight of her. She was looking at him like a sunflower would look at the sun. ''See? I'm alright, you didn't hurt me. You could never hurt me.''

''But I did. That night in the Common Room. You were just trying to help me and I pushed you away.'' His voice cracked.

She softly smiled at him, pushing a few strands of his sandy hair away from his eyes. ''I understand now why you did that. But, you could've just told me.''

''It was too dangerous. Still is. I can't-''

''I'm still here. And I'll always be, even if you'll have me or not.''

Sighing deeply, Remus spared a look at their lanced hands. ''I love you.'' he said without thinking it thoroughly. A blush dusted his cheeks when he slowly lifted his head to meet her eyes. She started grinning, leaning over the bed 'till her lips met his in a soft kiss. She was so warm, like the fire warming you up after a rainy day or like a mug of hot cocoa on the Christmas morning. She was the warm embrace of a lazy afternoon, the poetic words he read in all of those romantic books.

''I love you too.'' she whispered against him, her sweet scent getting him high.

Bonus:

''Did they just confess?'' exclaimed Sirius while trying to eavesdrop.

''I think they heard you too, you bloody wanker!''

•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

A/N: slowly working through the wips and it's been... a handful, to say the least. Why do I always have so many wips in the same time? It's something that always happens lmao

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this Remus fic! If you'd like to be added to the main tag list, just let me know by commenting under this post or by sending me an ask! Take care xx

Main tag list: @bohemianrhapsody86

#young remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x reader #the marauders x reader #the marauders #harry potter #harry potter x reader #fem!reader #remus lupin x fem!reader #reader insert #fanfic writing #writing #masterlist #my writing #laura writes

[marauders-peace]

Solar eclipse

Summary: It's the first day of school and the reader is ashamed of what happened in front of the train. They try to avoid remus but that isn't easy when he knows them so much...

Warnings: self hatred, bad communication (might get angry at the reader), self doubt, (unrequited love???)

I don't really like the pacing in this one, but I don't know how to do better. Hope you enjoy <333

Masterlist Part 1 part 2 - - part 5

The next day the school hours already started. First I had history of magic with Mr. Binns. My luck.

In the last years I always sat next to lily, but when I went into the classroom she was already sitting next to mary. She gave me an apologetic look.

Sirius grinned at me and pointed to the seat next to Remus. For a moment, I just wanted to sit there. Otherwise I would have to sit next to someone I didn't know.

But then I noticed a boy with black hair and brown eyes, which were directed at mine. He pointed to the empty seat next to him and looked at me questioningly.

And then I remembered the kiss.

And I sat down next to Luis.

"Hey. Nice to see you again." he smiled at me and I expected a warmth to flood through me or to feel something that would remind me of magic, but nothing.

Nothing. I felt nothing at all.

"I hope it's not a problem for your friends that I'm sitting here, but I don't know anyone else," I said, but he looked at me questioningly.

"What about pretty-scar boy over there? I thought you guys knew each other well?" it took me some time to realize he was talking about Remus.

"It's... Complicated."

He chuckled at that. "Yeah, that's what it looked like."

A silence filled the atmosphere in response.

Then he added, "do you want to talk about it?"

I looked at him for a while and managed to smile at him.

"Maybe some other time. Now, after all, classes are starting. "

He looked at me for a long time in response and smiled back.

"If you say so."

~~~

After class, lunch was in the big hall. I ignored the piercing looks from my friends and went to the library.

It was quiet there. I was alone. I showed the woman my ID and browsed through the books.

Soon I was in a corner where I had never been before. After 6 years, I still didn't know all the corners here. My fingers glided over the books and I could literally feel the stories already.

But then I stopped at a certain title.

The Sun and the Moon.

"I thought I would meet you here." his warm voice would have frightened me if I didn't constantly long for him.

I felt Remus Warm presence behind me and I caught myself feeling warmth rising inside me. My thoughts drifted to the kiss and his lips on my forehead. How would they feel on my lips?

I hated myself for that.

I could literally feel his eyes on me, but I kept quiet and stared at the book in front of me.

After a while, he laughed softly.

"Do you know what kind of book this is?" he asked me, his voice sounding expectant.

I didn't want to show him that I remembered our first meeting, but I couldn't lie to him either. That's why I just nodded.

And then he put his hand on mine and pulled the book from the shelf with my hand.

His hand wrapped around mine so gently that I forgot to pull it back. I didn't want to pull it back, it felt so nice. His fingers stroked over mine.

I looked up and our eyes met. I wanted to sink into his eyes and never come out. Just disappear.

I shook myself out of my stupor and pulled my hands away. I cleared my throat.

"You never told me what it was about, though."

For a few seconds, he just looked at me. He looked disappointed.

"It's a love story. I used to be ashamed to explain it to this nice girl, that asked me. What if she thought I was embarrassing? What if she would have ignored me then, too?"

He looked at me, waiting.

"I wouldn't have ignored you."

"And yet you do now."

I looked away. "That's different."

He didn't reply to that. Instead, he turned his attention to the book.

"It's about the sun falling in love with the moon. She confesses her love to the moon, but the moon does not respond. He doesn't want to hurt the sun because he thinks they can never be together. So the sun tries to forget her love and froze her heart. "

"A tragic story." I said, looking at the cover of the book where the sun and the moon were dancing around each other. But they never seemed to get close enough.

Remus looked at me for a long time.

"Mmm..."

I couldn't look at him. He was so close. Why was he so close?

Suddenly, his hand lifted my face so that I was looking at him.

"Sunny, do you hate me?"

His eyes looked at me desperately. As if hypnotized, I shook my head.

At that, he laughed bitterly. I didn't like that tone.

"You seem to be going out of your way to punish me."

I frowned in confusion. Punish him? I only wanted to protect myself.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my heart pounding.

His fingers slid over my lips.

"I mean that you're demonstratively sitting down next to this boy you've known for a few hours instead of me. I mean that you ignore me and run away from me like I'm the devil himself."

I turned my face away to escape his hands.

"You exposed me to the crowd."

His hands tightened.

"It was a kiss. To the forehead. Nothing to run away from."

His words burned into me like acid. He saw it all as nothing special. Nothing big.

"I should go." I needed to get out of here. Now. I hate myself, why, why, why

"And now you're running away from me again. Just talk to me!" his voice echoed in my head. He was desperate.

I was almost at the door when I heard something else from him.

"I'm sorry."

~~~

I ran away. To my room. Hiding under my covers, I waited for something. Something to happen. For my courage to talk to remus. But he did not come.

Later lily and mary came in. They were both quiet and I thought they thought I was asleep until Lily said something.

"Sunny, we talked to Sirius, Peter and James."

That got me out of my bed.

"What?!" I looked at the two of them waiting. "About what?"

Mary slowly shook her head and raised her hands.

"We just think we should spend more time together. In general. As a group."

I looked around between the two of them. "What does that mean?" I inquired.

"That we go to hogsmeade together every weekend. Lily, james, sirius, peter you, me and," she stopped for a moment. "Remus of course," I added.

She nodded.

I looked to lily. "And you're okay with that? I thought you and James had a conflict?"

She looked down. "I think the whole thing is a great idea, actually. And about James… I'm still pissed, yeah, but I'd be willing to go along with it anyway."

The question was like explosives in the air. Would you be willing?

I lay down on the bed and looked at the ceiling.

"Okay. " I finally said and closed my eyes.

What a first day.

And the moon approached the sun, hoping to catch its light, but the sun was not yet ready to turn toward the moon.

Taglist : @juleshadalittlelamb @fluffybunnyu @tendous-pretty-hair @helloitsmeeeeeee @valencia-rou @woohoney @mothermaryisdead

#marauders era #marauders #remus lupin #the marauders #dead gay wizards #harry potter #remus lupin x reader #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin angst #remus lupin x you #Spotify

[moonlightdancer26]

I know you like the Marauders and Snape and that's really reliving since I like them both too and I really do want to talk about the Marauders with someone but there's few people I feel comfortable talking about them because not everyone wants to talk about their complicated (not fluff) sides.

So some Marauders headcanons I have:

I don't believe the whole "Sirius was good inside and therefore he knew his family was wrong" stuff somehow, so I think it's more likely that Sirius originally wasn't opposed but then he got sorted into Gryffindor, ostracized, but then James took him under his wing.

Sirius and Remus seriously idealize James, because he did a lot of good for them and their lives started seriously sucking after he died.

Remus probably started being a people pleaser after the werewolf prank, because it was shown that the Marauders don't actually care about him and are willing to hurt him and they won't face consequences and Sirius didn't regret it, so he molded himself so that Sirius never felt motivated to do that again.

Sirius involved Remus in the prank as a form of punishment for something Remus did.

STOP THIS ASK WAS FROM FEBRUARY 8 OF LAST YEAR 😭 SO SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE

I don't believe the whole "Sirius was good inside and therefore he knew his family was wrong" stuff somehow, so I think it's more likely that Sirius originally wasn't opposed but then he got sorted into Gryffindor, ostracized, but then James took him under his wing.

I think when 11 year old Sirius first came to Hogwarts, his relationship with his fam wasn’t the greatest but he still loved them and felt sort of indebted to them (this might also explain the quote: [Sirius’s response to James insulting Slytherin] “Sirius did not smile. ‘My whole family have been in Slytherin’ he said”). But as the years went by and Sirius became more extreme in his hatred of Slytherin House and his family’s beliefs, the drift in his relationship with his brother and parents became much bigger.

Sirius and Remus seriously idealize James, because he did a lot of good for them and their lives started seriously sucking after he died.

Facts

Remus probably started being a people pleaser after the werewolf prank, because it was shown that the Marauders don't actually care about him and are willing to hurt him and they won't face consequences and Sirius didn't regret it, so he molded himself so that Sirius never felt motivated to do that again.

I disagree. He has always been a people pleaser, due to his self-hatred and his need to be accepted. He felt like he owed James and Sirius something, hence why he kept quiet about the pranks they pulled that he didn’t always agree with. Pottermore says this as well.

Sirius involved Remus in the prank as a form of punishment for something Remus did.

I disagree with this too. I think it was, to an extent, the total opposite of that. He completely dismissed Remus’s feelings and used Remus’s darkest secret for his own amusement, he put Remus in a terrifying position without considering how Remus might’ve felt if the prank had actually succeeded. I think that was what made the prank truly hurt — the fact that Sirius genuinely did not care about Remus’s wellbeing at all. I personally think that was possibly the most hurt Remus had ever been. It wasn’t just about Snape and Sirius wanting to pull a mean prank on him, it was about Remus. Not only did Sirius have no problem almost getting someone murdered (Snape), but he also didn’t even think twice to consider what he was putting Remus through and what would’ve happened to him if he actually killed Snape. And the fact that Sirius went on to say “I wish it was the full moon again” when he was bored (aka “I wish it was that night of the month where one of my best friends has to go through an extreme amount of pain just so I can run around in my little doggie form and have fun while my friend isn’t in his right mind and could kill anyone that crosses his path”) in front of Remus mere months after literally exploiting his condition further shows how little Sirius actually cared about what he had done. (I ain’t even gonna mention how adult!Sirius talked about the situation.)

I’m aware that I just wrote an entire paragraph bashing Sirius but I swear I love him 💀

#anti sirius black #? sure #also i’m literally so sorry for the late answer #😭 #i really hope u see this post 💀 #harry potter #hp #ask #asks

[my-castles-crumbling]

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, who are both touch-starved.

Remus because even his own parents were scared of him. He never had real friends before. People flinched away from him.

Sirius because Walburga and Orion are the worst parents on the planet and haven’t hugged him in years.

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black who are never not touching each other, even if it’s just barely pressed together knees or a hand on a shoulder. Who can only stand each other’s touch, because they’re afraid of everyone else’s.

#marauders #harry potter #marauders era #fanfic #sirius black kinnie #wolfstar #harry potter marauders #marauders fandom #marauders headcanon #marauders fanfiction #the marauders #remus with too much self hatred #sirius loves remus #remus being remus #remus loves sirius #sirius being sirius

[kay-elle-cee]

Hey. Congrats on your milestone. You are an amazing writer who contributes soo much to this fandom and I'm so glad you are a part of it. Could you do some hcs on I'll be fine, I'll be good. I love the happy ending and interpret J and L to have a good and healthy relationship, but how are they as an established couple? What is her relationship with Sirius and Remus like? What difference is dating and marriage compared to Gryffindor!Lily ? Love to see your takes on these

Oh my goodness, Anon, thank you so much for these kind words 🥺

And I am HAPPY to give hcs for i'll be fine, i'll be good! I've spent a lot of time thinking about Them.

(this got out of hand so I'm putting it below a cut)

Follower Milestone Celebration

I think in the beginning, there's a lot of late nights spent talking (at Lily's apartment, because the guys- especially Sirius- are still a little wary of this whole thing). I imagine these nights remind them of that first night they spent together in 7th year, after Christmas holidays when James told her about Fleamont and they just shared the history of themselves with each other. They catch each other up on the intervening two years and really open up to each other in a way they didn't when they were younger. They work on really understanding one another and trying to be as transparent as possible (which is hard for Lily, but dammit, she won't lose him again).

Their relationship definitely isn't a secret this time, not with that display after the raid in chapter 6, and people respond to this differently. It raises some eyebrows with the majority of the Order, but no one makes any sort of snide comments.

Sam is honestly their number one cheerleader, always talking about how gross they are but also shoving them together whenever there's a chance. She really clued in to Lily's loneliness when they met and is just really excited that she seems to be happy and that James just adores her.

Remus extends the hand to Lily first, of the boys. Inviting her to the bookstore on her lunch break, inviting her to tag along to things with the group of them, etc. Remus, more than the others, knows about self-hatred and self-persecution, and sees that as a commonality between them, so it's easier for him to understand why she did what she did back in Hogwarts.

Peter likes Lily, but doesn't really talk to her too much unless it's just the two of them, or maybe Lily and James and Peter. He's afraid of rocking the boat, and that boat is Sirius' temper. He doesn't really publicly interact with Lily until Sirius comes around.

Because of COURSE it takes Sirius the longest to come around. Yes they had some progress over the course of that final chapter of ibfibg but I don't think Sirius is one to just forgive and forget, and Lily and James both know this so they don't push it. There's no walking on eggshells around him or downplaying their relationship, but there's also no eyerolling "get over it/get used to it" exasperation, etc. Lily just becomes more of a fixture in their lives and Sirius accepts it but doesn't necessarily embrace it.

Until a few months into their relationship when James comes back hurt from a mission and she spends all night at Headquarters working to heal him. It takes a few hours to get James stable and when she does, Sirius brings her a cup of tea (the way she likes it, which he's apparently picked up on) without saying a word. They sit in mostly silence, watching James breathe, until Sirius starts asking the impatient questions of 'how did this happen, how long until he wakes up, is there anything to make the healing faster' etc and a very tired, very frazzled Lily snaps at him and they go back to sitting in silence.

A couple of hours after that when James gets the clearance to return to their flat, Sirius hoists him up (still very groggy) and begins to walk out. He looks back expectantly to where Lily is sitting with her head in her hands and asks "You coming, Evans?" and then it's more or less smooth sailing for them there. There's lots of verbal sparring between the two, but any animosity is more or less gone.

As mentioned above, communication is crucial to their relationship. And they do have their arguments—times where they don't really see eye-to-eye on things—but there's a love there that's been through hell and back that withstands it all.

I'm very firm in my belief that they wouldn't rush to get married. I think being in Slytherin and being very close to that pureblood zealously would really scare Lily at her core. Seven years of being surrounded by the "diluting the bloodline" shit, along with all the accompanying hate and anger, would stay with her, even though she knows it's all a lie (not to mention the fucking war they're literally in the middle of).

I think this would be one of their reoccurring arguments—James would press the issue, talk about how much he wants to marry her and she'd say things like "Isn't this enough?" or "I'm not going anywhere, I promise," and probably rejects at least one proposal before something* happens and they tie the knot.

*It's Harry. They accidentally get pregnant with Harry and the joy she feels overwhelms the terror of everything that had been subconsciously beaten into her and it's not a long engagement because James is so fucking ecstatic that it's happening it just happens. (And then I think Lily swings hard in the opposite direction and starts flaunting the fact that she's pregnant and married into the Potter line. Not like, in battle or anything, but when they go out to Diagon Alley, etc, she lets that bump be KNOWN).

And I can't in good conscious let this Harry be the subject of a prophecy so he's NOT.

*takes a deep breath* Sorry, that was a lot 😅 Hope you enjoyed, though, and thank you again so much for your lovely words!

#asked and answered #answers anonymous #ibfibg extras

[raisethestake]

Hatred?

Sirius Black x reader (NSFW)

18+ only please

If you want a THIRST story, here you go.

From a few years back, but may as well put it into the world for anyone simping for Sirius as hard as I do.

Warnings: dominance, light BDSM, full on sex, suggestions of abuse.

Character backstory here (not relevant to enjoy this story, but might provide more insight):

Hatred?

She heard footsteps, and instantly prepared herself for the worst.

A few moments later, Sirius appeared at the dining room door, where she was cleaning the stove. Her hair was tied back messily and her hands were covered in black muck. She returned her attention to scrubbing after brief acknowledgement of his presence, seemingly unwilling to begin a conversation, so Sirius took this liberty.

Bad idea.

"You realize the dirt has been made by magical creatures? You can't remove it permanently." Sirius was right. For the past few days, she had been so tense that any words exchanged between them had led to an argument. She seemed to have taken to rising and going to bed later and later just to avoid his presence, and frankly he'd had enough.

"Do you realize there's also a hell of a lot of plain dirt from the fact that since living here you've not even lifted a finger?" She didn't even have to look up to deliver such a retort, and its infuriated Sirius all the more.

He scaled the side of the long room, down to where she was, picked up her bucket of water and began to make his way to the back door, when he felt a burning sensation. She had her hand wrapped around his wrist, exuding so much energy it was scorching his skin. He tried to snatch his hand away but she held firm, her eyes finally meeting his. He'd got her attention.

"Give it back. I'm busy." Her voice seemed to come out as a menacing growl. Sirius fought back a strong urge to give her back the bucket. If he hasn't had so many years practice with Remus' wolf speech, he would've given in. Instead, he managed to use his free arm to open the closest window and toss the bucket out.

He expected her to attack him, but she simply let go of him and attempted to make her way to the kitchen to get another. He discreetly pointed his wand and whispered a barrier spell, smirking a little when she was unable to walk down the stairs. She stood on the first step and every inch of his skin burned as she looked at him with shining golden eyes.

"Why are you trying to stop me from being useful?"

"Because you’re only doing it to avoid me." Sirius stated confidently. He refused to let her get her way this time.

"So, I'm useless."

"I didn't say that. I said cleaning is useless"

"Why are you trying to control what I'm doing? I'm my own person not a fucking servant"

"A fucking servant would do a better job"

At this, she snapped. She took a step back from the stairs and advanced on him. "How am I supposed to do a better fucking job if you won't let me?!"

"You-"

"You offered me this house as my home! And you do nothing but act like a self-righteous brat who fucking owns the place!"

"I do own the-"

"Then treat the people in your home with some fucking respect!"

Sirius hated when she interrupted him. She seemed to be the only person who had the nerve to, which just fuelled his anger. "Look at you talking! If this is your home too, why don't you treat me with some fucking respect?"

"You don't deserve it!"

"Right, okay. I don't deserve respect but don't think you have a permanent place here.” Sirius instantly regretted his words as she finally broke her gaze away from his, a trace of hurt in her eyes.

"Yeah, sure. You can guarantee I'll be gone by the morning." She began to walk out of the room. He'd fucked it. He didn't mean that last comment. If she was to leave, things would go back to the way they were. Drawling days and lonely nights, just him and Kreacher. The rooms would no longer fill with music and geranium oils, but the same old dust mites and musty stench; his voice would crack when greeting someone after days on end of silence.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't go back to normal. The thought alone filled him with an aggression he couldn’t contain.

What he did next even surprised him. He moved before he had the chance to think, grabbed the back of her neck, and pulled her into a violent kiss. A few moments passed, and he could have sworn she started to kiss him back, when yet another sharp pain shot through his body. She had bitten his lip. Her neck still in his grasp, she pulled away by lowering her head onto his chest - the only way to separate their lips.

"Sirius, you can't do that." She said in a low, quiet voice.

"I can and I know you won't stop me." He felt like he had no control over his own body as he watched himself swallow down the taste of blood and pull her mouth back onto his. They continued to kiss - he was right. She was kissing him back. He dared to loosen his hold on her neck, and she didn't pull away. In fact, he wasn't sure she'd even noticed he'd practically let go. He used both of his now free hands to rub down the back of her thighs, pick her up and set her on the table with her legs spread.

"I could kill you right now." He heard her growl as he grabbed her hips and pulled her pelvis in to meet his.

He leaned over her, pushing her back, one hand keeping a firm hold on her backside, and said with a smirk "You definitely could but you don't want to."

"Oh, believe me, I want to."

As he pulled her in for another rough kiss, he ran his hand down her torso, down her pelvis and slid his fingers over her dripping pussy. "Oh, I can tell you want to." He said with a sly grin.

"I have a boyfriend, Sirius!"

Sirius grasped her jaw and pulled her gaze up to meet his. "Then tell me, right now, to stop."

Her eyes seemed to glaze over slightly, but she held his gaze firmly. "...I have a boyfriend, Sirius."

He held her gaze as he proceeded to slide his fingers inside her. He heard the smallest intake of breath as her whole body tensed. "Tell me you want me to stop."

She seemed to stare into his soul for a moment - her eyes filled with hatred. Sirius took the silence as a cue to kiss her again. He noticed her writhing unwillingly under his touch as his fingers moved inside her.

A few minutes passed, leaving them both panting and barely able to contain themselves - thirsty for more. His brutal side long having taken over, he pushed her further onto the table and climbed on top of her - using one hand to pin her wrists above her head, and pressed his hard cock into her body - letting out a low groan as he did so.

He kissed her again as he grinded against her. Their muscles seem to work in harmony. Her abs contracted with arousal and he noticed she had closed her eyes, seemingly in the moment. Overcome with greed, he released his grip on her to take off his shirt. She tried to bring her legs together to slide off the bench, but Sirius had his legs strategically placed so she was completely immobile from the waist down. He unzipped his pants and released his hard cock from his boxers. He leaned over her, breathing heavily into her neck as he pushed himself inside her. Hearing her sharp intake of breath, and he just made out the words "You fucking vile bastard" through a sigh of pleasure, causing him to scowl.

"Useless whore." Grunting in pain from a sharp nip on his neck, he grabbed her hair and fucked her as hard as he desired.

• • •

She had not expected this.

Since a few weeks back, when Sirius had offered her a home, he had had a few fits of anger. Mainly from people shutting down his ideas or playing it safe in meetings. She had been told to always keep her distance when this happened. Other people turned their backs, ignored him or became extremely interested in the closest book. They seemed convinced this was the best way to calm him down, and she had followed this tactic with the determination of becoming a good housemate. They were, of course, right, but she'd had enough of treating him like a child. Over the past few days, she'd begun to put him in his place, and he did not like it.

Whenever he made a snide comment, she pulled him up on it instead of letting it slide. She forced him to eat proper sized meals instead of picking at a block of cheese from the fridge, and made him carry a fully charged phone whenever he left the house without an explanation. It was probably the hardest challenge she has ever taken on, and she had been dragged into the underworld to make Hades his very own pet sun. All the same, she found herself compelled to see it through.

But this? I mean, a few minutes ago she had been cleaning as she did almost on the daily. Now she was lying under Sirius Black on the kitchen table getting fucked to oblivion. However, it's not as though she was complaining.

Wait. No. Of course she was complaining! Charlie was the most perfect boy you'd ever meet. He was outdoorsy, had the most charming grin and never failed to crack her up with his humour. She loved Charlie. She had always been certain. She loved his family, they worked well together and never really fought. It was perfect. So why was she suddenly questioning that whole relationship? The feeling right now was brand new. Something strange in her body. She was almost certain it was just plain old hate, but there was something different - she couldn't put her finger on what.

He had the strength of a berserker. He was able to hold her down even with one hand, his heavy hands grasping firmly. They owned her body so confidently she almost begged for more before stopping herself. She told herself she wouldn't let him get any satisfaction from this, but the more she resisted, the harder he seemed to get.

At one point she thought he'd had enough. He pushed himself off her and left her wrists go. Feeling a little let down at this early finish, she almost forgot to take this opportunity to get away. She tried to slide off the table, but Sirius had pushed his legs out into a certain position which meant she literally couldn't move at all. It was when she felt his cock enter her that she completely gave in.

"You fucking vile bastard." She heard herself say, and heard the response "Shut up you ugly, useless whore." She pushed her pelvis up, hoping she hit his balls for this comment. Sure enough, he let out a groan in pain, and pushed his cock in even deeper.

Thoughts were forgotten and instinct took over. It was only afterwards that she was able to process what happened.

She should have felt guilty. She was very much cheating on her boyfriend. But in that moment, all she could feel was bliss. She opened her eyes for a second and saw Sirius looked the exact same way. She didn't understand how she felt so good. There was nothing but tension and hatred between herself and Sirius. They could barely be in the same room most of the time. How had she ended up in this situation, and why did she like it?

Besides, Sirius was almost twice her age. Trivial things like age had never mattered in the demigod world, but she was in the wizarding world now. She had to get accustomed to the things that were different, and she was sure this would be looked down upon should anyone find out.

When Sirius started to slow a little, probably nearing climax, she pushed him off. He allowed her to sit all the way up, and, standing again, she pushed him over to the kitchen counter. She used one hand to cup his jaw, the other to caress his cock. Looking powerfully into his eyes, he got the message and started to sink to the floor. She straddled his lap and sat on him, letting him sink inside her again. She rode him deep ad she stripped off her cami and let him kiss between her tits.

When Sirius was too desperate to wait, he grabbed her waist, held her close to him and maneuvered them so he was on top of her, lying on the floor. Both were nearing climax and fucked until creamy white fluid dripped out of her vagina onto the cold slate floor. Sirius collapsed on top of her, panting into her neck for a few moments, before kissing all the way down her torso and finishing with a single lick of her vulva.

He knelt up and they stared at each other in silence, both still panting. Still lying on the floor, she crossed her legs defiantly, as if to say 'No more.' As Sirius set his back against the counter, She knelt up and began to get dressed. Wiping Sirius’ blood from her mouth, she picked up the blackened cloth that had been forgotten, wiped the fluid off the floor, and made her way down to the kitchen to wash. Sirius, aware that he was now covered in black dirt from her hands, grabbed his clothes and head up the stairs to shower.

#harry potter headcanon #harry potter fic #harry potter #harry potter smut #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black headcanon #sirius black smut #sirius black x reader #sirius black #sirius x reader #sirius black x you #sirius x you

[quillinhand]

It's very hard being a snape fan and a marauders fan. I love Severus and I love James, Sirius, Lupin(Peter is Peter and I think it's perfectly acceptable to dislike the little rat) I love how complicated all their characters are. How they not perfect people and they both have done horrible and good things. Part of the blame is on themselves but the school and the adults in their lives certainly didn't. The stupid feud didn't either. I'm of the opinion that you can love both. That James and Severus both did change as people. What's your take on it? Also I find it rather hilarious that Lily and James best friend and person they chose to watch over their son is a lot a like.

Hi!

It's very hard being a Snape fan and a marauders fan.

I definitely think so. So much of both communities; both the snapedom and the marauders fandom is defined by a hatred of another, and though you do get some people with a middle ground; they are few and far in between. as someone who LOVES the snapedom with all my heart, a part of me wants to say that we totally are open with any opinion towards the marauders, but then again I have seen hate comments on many neutral/pro marauder posts, so that would be completely false. and ofc, the marauder's fandom is very much hostile towards any opinion that doesn't fall into their cookie cutter version of perfect(i must admit I am very much biased on that side of the fandom, so).

Personally, I like to think I fall in the middle. I've liked Snape and the potential of his character for a long time, and I like individual members of the Marauders(Sirius and Remus are my blorbos and I will die on this hill). Peter, I really don't have an opinion other than pity. James, well, I'll get into that later on in the post.

How they not perfect people and they both have done horrible and good things. Part of the blame is on themselves but the school and the adults in their lives certainly didn't.

This, a million times. I think everybody, regardless of who you like, can agree that the prominent characters from Marauder's era were all set up to fail. James grew up around yes men, with parents who spoiled him and friends and teachers who adored him too much to nip his arrogance in the bud. Sirius grew up in an unstable home, withstanding abuse and no helpful assistance for his issues(again, the yes men problem). Remus was literally assaulted at age 5, and cursed to become a bloodthirsty monster once a month, with little to no rights and a very diminished sense of self worth(then feeling like he was beholden to dumbledore/marauders for a place at hogwarts and friendship, thus resulting in his cowardice.) Peter idolized friends who saw him as lesser and then was later fighting in a war he didn't have a hope of winning. Lily was a muggleborn with one significant friendship and little to no social status. Snape was an abused, socially disadvantaged boy who got into all the wrong things in the middle of a war. they've all made so many mistakes and done horrible things, but I think you can pinpoint each and every reason and cause for each thing they did.

The stupid feud didn't either.

and ofc, their hatred of each other just added to the shitshow.

I'm of the opinion that you can love both.

absolutely. same. :)

That James and Severus both did change as people. What's your take on it?

ooh, this is going to be fun. ok so:

let's start with snape. 19-20 year old snape is very different from 31 year old snape, and this snape is much different from 38 year old snape. In his teens and youth, he's very much edgy bad boy/kylo ren, with all of the boxes checked, sad backstory, interest in villainy, and that one person who believed in him. he's not as composed or as ... posh, let's say. he's emotional, very dramatic(this doesn't change) and character wise, he's very much evil/grey.

fast forward to late 20s, early thirties snape, this one actually has a life that isn't angst. he gets a kick out of being an abysmal teacher, he's a certified dick, he was batman in an other life, he's badass with an emphasis on ass. i believe this period in snape's life is the least dramatic. he's just living his life. he had all that redemption shit in his past- but no, wait

because harry potter is in town, and though we don't see it, snape's changing. gone is his 'i don't give a fuck' persona; now he's forced to give one by dumbledore and later, voldemort. he's got antihero shit to do, and he does it. he's the plot device now, the one that's evil but not actually. thats him in book one, in book two he's the comic relief/background character, in book three he's the kinda sorta villain- and this is the game changer book in terms of his character. til now, snape doesn't necessarily like dumbledore, but he trusted him. with dumbledore once again supporting the (remaining) marauders, that trust, however feeble it had been, is now gone. which puts him and dumbledore in a precarious position throughout GOF, and an even worse position when voldemort returns.

see, snape likes to think he's very good at pretending he doesn't care/doesn't show his emotions. and though he's right on a superficial level, it's almost comically easy to read him. basically, the angrier he is- the more emotional he is. and throughout the last three books, he's in this weird balance of being oddly guarded and absolutely furious. behind walls of hostility and mystery was a man who's furious, terrified, sad, resigned, and trying his damn hardest to stay alive. he's back to where and who he was at 21 years old, except he knows what he didn't know then, and this is the pivotal change in his morality. He used to be a guy who realized that the movement he supported was hurting people he cared about, but now he's becoming a person who doesn't want anyone to get hurt, because he's 37 years old and he's fucking exhausted of lying and killing and fighting for a world that truly doesn't give a fuck. 'lately, only those whom I could not save,' is an underrated line for this reason alone; severus snape wasn't a man redeemed on a hilltop pledging his alliance to Dumbledore to fix his wrongs, he was redeemed more than a decade later, fighting in a pointless war and realizing that if he can't fix his wrongs, at least he can fight against the causes of it.

now james, on the other hand is a totally different bean. I'm not saying he isn't a good guy, but I most definitely don't think he changed, and here's why.

see, james potter is and will always be a good guytm. his world is black and white; where the heroes are like him and the villains are less than. and for the most part, this was never directly challenged. but it was indirectly challenged many times, and i'll talk about the ones that affected him the most.

first: the train scene and Sirius. A boy from a dark family who's kinda uncomfortable with the painfully light ideas he's spewing, but still buying it because the alternative is so much worse to him. James adjusts with this one remarkably quickly, he's a quick thinker, and in his eyes, Sirius is good because he agrees with him. it doesn't challenge him significantly, and besides, he likes this boy, so it's fine. who cares if he's a black. he's sirius!

second: Remus and the werewolf thing. Again, much of the same thing happens, and James still takes it in stride, because it's his friend and he would've died rather than turn on his friend. this is the defining and redeeming quality of james potter's character; he's loyal to those whom he deems deserving of it. and sirius, remus, peter have joined that list. James is a good guy, and he thinks remus couldn't possibly be like the other werewolves, because he's remus!

third: Lily. Lily challenges him throughout their years at Hogwarts- about his opinions, about his character, about his actions. but at the end of the day, she falls in line with his opinions(she cuts snape off), she still is attracted to him pre-7th year, which was when he supposedly changed, his actions(even when they were together, she didn't know that he was still getting into fights with snape). at the end of the day, even Lily affirms James.

see the trend here? james potter doesn't change how he thinks. he just makes exceptions/he rejects the challenge. sirius can't be bad, because he's sirius and sirius is his friend. remus can't be bad because he's remus and remus is his friend. and the same logic applied to peter when he was offered as the choice for secret keeper. his opinions can't possibly wrong because- look, he's right!

this is not me saying james potter was a bad person. of course not! some of the best people I know have this mentality. but he started out a bully, and tbh, best case scenario, he became a judgmental person. that is the farthest I think he changed.

again, I don't think he's a bad guy. teenagers are dumb, cruel people. james potter did bad shit as a teenager, but so did Snape, and as much as we point to his abuse as a reason why, being spoiled and encouraged on despite everything is still abuse, just a different kind.

the only reason I don't like James Potter when I do like Snape is because nearly everything I mentioned was reading between the lines and other headcanons. And even then, though he had the potential to be, he wasn't a dynamic character. he doesn't change, despite every opportunity to do so, and his misbeliefs are affirmed again and again.

At the end of the day, James the character exists to push Snape's character forward. And that isn't a very attractive thing to like.

I find it rather hilarious that Lily and James best friend and person they chose to watch over their son is a lot a like.

Sirius and Severus are both two extremes of the same story, and that's something that's incredibly interesting to explore, but this post is too long already, so I'll stop now. Thanks again for the ask!

#all of this is my opinion #too long #messily explained #pro snape #severus snape #the marauders #anti james potter #just in case #from the ink well

[lupinmoonlight]

Can I get a Remus Lupin x reader please? Either him as a professor with professor reader or just adult Remus with adult reader. How they meet, how he falls for reader but is in denial that she could ever feel the same, reader being soft with him, confessing feelings and Remus finally giving in and accepting that he can be loved

Wait

Masterlist AO3

Summary - Y/N leaves her job at the Ministry of Magic to fill in the post of Arithmancy teacher at Hogwarts. On her first day, she bumps into her favourite professor, Remus Lupin. She realizes that the crush she used to have on him has grown into more serious feelings. She gathers her courage and asks him out for a coffee on a snowy day in Hogsmeade. Note - Thank you so much for your request! This is my first one. I'm sorry this is a lengthy (and slightly cheesy) one but I kind of got carried away. I hope you enjoy.

Warnings - some angst.

Professor Remus Lupin was strolling down the corridors of Hogwarts, lost in thought. The last full moon had been particularly difficult, and he couldn’t shake off the feeling of self-hatred he had. He was reminiscing about his past and how things could be different had he not been cursed with this disease, when he suddenly collided with someone. It was a young woman that he recognized as Y/N, a former student of his. He had not seen her in years, but he always had a soft spot for her. 

"Y/N, I'm sorry," he said, offering a hand to help her up. 

"Professor, it's so good to see you," she said softly, her cheeks turning pink. 

Remus couldn't help but notice how shy she was, and how she blushed at the slightest touch. He smiled to himself, remembering how she used to do the same thing when she was a student.

"Please, call me Remus. It's good to see you too," he said, his voice warm and friendly. "How have you been?"

"I've been well, thank you," she replied, still looking down at her feet. 

Remus chuckled. "You haven't changed a bit, have you? Still as shy as ever. What brings you to Hogwarts?"

Y/N looked up at him, a small smile playing on her lips. "I suppose I haven't. I'm actually filling the post of Arithmancy teacher this term." 

Remus grinned, a sense of warmth in his chest. "That's fantastic, Y/N!"

As they continued to chat, Remus found himself more and more drawn to Y/N. She was no longer the student he used to teach years ago. She had grown into this beautiful young woman. Her shy smile and sparkling eyes captivated him, and he couldn't help but want to spend more time with her. He couldn't help but wonder how could such an innocent soul full of joy want to be even near a monster like him? 

"Professor- I'm sorry. Remus?" Y/N asks, a hint of concern in her voice. 

"My apologies, Y/N. I was lost in my own thoughts." 

"I was just wondering if you might be free to meet up for a coffee sometime? We could catch up and continue to chat," she lets out, stumbling on a few words. 

Remus hesitated, his mind racing. He knew that he shouldn't go, that it would only make things harder for him. But he couldn't resist the thought of spending time with Y/N. She was too sweet and he couldn't stand the feeling of rejecting her. 

He smiles softly, his eyes just as Y/N remembered them. Kind, loving, and full of compassion. "I would love to," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Let us meet in front of the Three Broomsticks at noon. How does that sound?"

Y/N nodded, a blush creeping up her neck. She let ouf a relieved sigh, feeling a weight lifted off her shoulders as if she had just asked her school crush on a date. 

Remus watched her walk away, feeling a sense of joy he had never felt before. But he knew that he could never allow himself to act on those feeling. As a werewolf, he believed he was unworthy of love. 

~ 

Remus arrived in Hogmeade early. The atmosphere was lively, with students and teachers bustling about, enjoying the beautiful snowy scenery. He felt a surge of nervous excitement. He had always had a soft spot for Y/N and the thought of spending time with her made his heart race. He could feel his nerves starting to get the better of him when he suddenly felt a small tap on his shoulder. He turns back and there she was, looking up at him shyly, her cheeks pink from the cold. 

"Ah! There you are. I'm glad you came," Remus said softly. 

Y/N laughed. "Did you think I wouldn't? I invited you after all." 

Remus couldn't help but notice how beautiful Y/N looked. Her smile was infectious, and her laugh made his heart skip a beat. "Well, it is uncommon for a young lady like you to want to spend time with her old professor," he added with a laugh. 

Y/N blushed before giving him a mischievous look. "Says who?" she replied jokingly. 

As they walked into the cozy pub, Remus smiled at Y/N. "What you would like to drink?" he asked. 

"I'll have a cappuccino," she replied, looking around at the quaint decorations. 

Remus chuckled. "Ah, a classic choice. I'll have a black coffee." 

Y/N smiled, she had always associated the smell of coffee with Remus for some reason. Coffee, sandalwood, and fresh parchment. Her stomach fluttered at the though of it. 

They found a small table in the corner, away from the crowd. The atmosphere was warm and inviting, with the smell of pastries filling the air. 

"So, Y/N, what have you been up to since you left Hogwarts?" Remus asked, taking a sip of his coffee. 

Y/N blushed. "Well, I've worked at the Ministry of Magic for a while. I was in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. But it didn't take long for me to realize that I wouldn't want to do this for the rest of my life…" 

Remus nodded, impressed. He couldn't help but notice how shy she still was and he was surprised she had managed to gather up the courage to invite him for a coffee. She would occasionally glance down at her lap while she spoke or play with the sleeve of her sweater, but every time she looked up at him, he felt himself getting lost in her eyes. It was an odd feeling, like it was forbidden for him to feel this way. 

Despite her shyness, their connection felt so easy and natural. They continued to chat while sipping on their drinks, telling each other stories, laughing. He couldn't help but feel grateful that she seemed so eager to spend time with him. 

"Let's go on a walk," Y/N suggested excitingly as they finished their drinks. "I have not been in Hogsmeade in so long," she continued. Remus smiled at her excitement although he couldn't help but feel a surge of nervousness. He wasn't used to feeling so strongly about someone, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to face his feelings. 

But as they stepped outside into the crisp winter air, Remus felt a sense of peace wash over him. Without thinking, he offered his arm to Y/N, and she shyly held onto it.

They walked in a comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the peacefulness of the snow-covered village. Y/N felt herself getting lost in her thoughts. She had always struggled connecting with others, but for some reason, Remus had always made her feel comfortable and safe. She gathered up all the courage she had again and spoke up. "I really enjoyed spending time with you, Remus. I would love if we could do it again," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Remus felt his heart sink. He remained silent for a while, not knowing how to respond. 

"I'm sorry. Maybe it was too forward or inappropriate of me. I just thought that since I was not your student anymore-" Y/N blurted out, feeling embarrassed. 

Remus stopped walking and turned to face her, taking her hands in his. She looked up at him with a mix of vulnerability and confusion. He felt his heart racing. 

"No," he started softly. "That's not it. I-…I'm not who you think I am.  I can't allow myself to be close to you. I-" 

"I know," she interrupts. She looks at him, her eyes searching his. "I know who you are." 

Remus looks at her, confused. 

"I've known since I first had you as my professor," she continued. 

He averts his gaze from her and releases her hands. He feels ashamed. He hates himself. "How?" he asks, a hint of pain in his voice. 

"You didn't call me the brightest witch of my age for nothing back then. I just put two and two together. I just knew," she explained, taking his hands back. 

"We can't do this," he says firmly. "I'm scared. I'm scared of hurting you. How can someone like you want to be with me? I'm covered in scars, I'm a monster. I don't deserve-" 

"Nonsense!" she says, her eyes tearing up. "You believed in me when no one did. When I was with you, I felt like nothing could ever harm me. I felt safe, comforted, respected," she continued, her voice filled with determination. "When I accepted the post at Hogwarts, all I really wanted was to be close to you again, to feel like this again," she says as she lifts her hand up to his face, gently tracing one of his scars "I don't care about your scars. I don't care about anything. I just care about you." 

Remus was speechless. No one had ever shown him such love and kindness and he had no idea how to respond. He looked into her eyes searching for a hint of dishonesty, but all he saw was love and compassion. He wanted to take that chance, to see where this could go. But he knew it wouldn't be easy. 

"I need to learn how to love and be loved without letting my fears control me," he says softly. He felt a sense of gratitude and relief wash over him. He couldn't believe that he had found someone who accepted him for who he was, flaws and all. That someone was standing right there in front of him, her eyes full of hope. 

She smiled up at him, reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of his face. "I'm willing to wait for you."

The snow was starting to fall faster now, and Remus could sense that Y/N was getting cold. "Let's head back, shall we?" Y/N nodded in agreement. 

When they arrived back at the castle, they stopped at the gates. Remus turned to Y/N, feeling a sense of nervousness. 

"I would love to go out with you again," he said, referring to her earlier offer.

Y/N smiled up at him, blushing as she always did. Remus leaned in and gently pressed his lips to her forehead, feeling a warmth spread through his chest. He knew that he had a lot of work to do on himself, but he was ready to take that step. 

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