#regretted it but damn that's the consequence of not living on the dorm and having to go back home | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spiltscribbles · 3 years

Note

Miss you and your marvelous writing!!!! Just a prompt if you’re up to it 😊 exes wolfstar staying friends but sirius gets into a new relationship and he brings his new boo to somewhere he took remus and remus gets sad 😭 but they get back together eventually

Notes: OMFG BABEY! this is so SO beyond precious of you! i adore you to bits! thank you for the sweetness and for this scrumptious angst🥺🥺 i really hope you like it😭😘😘💜

SEND ME A PROMPT | A Reblog means SO SO much! I ADORE YOU💜💜

“He can just be so… So” James pauses right then, takes off his cap with the hand that’s still clutching his baseball bat, and ruffles his hair with the other.

“Un-opinionated,” Remus offers half heartedly as they turn the block to the small coffee shop nearest school, both of them freshly showered after the required morning workouts for Tuesday and Thursdays. It’s the first semester in which Remus has actually joined in on the seven minute track, considering the fact that even despite their crazy contradictory schedules with all the sports and extra curriculars they each had, Sirius always made it a point to buy their ice coffees and drop it off to Remus, sometimes leaving them a quarter of an hour late for first period, or as just a quick drop and dash if one of them had an exam.

It was sweet, considerate. It was Sirius showing how much he cared because he’s never been one for words, even if he would frequently print off the little texts Remus would send him about how Sirius made him feel, and hang it up on the wall besides his bed, along with photos of them and Remus by himself and a few of their other friends too.

But yeah… None of that is really a thing anymore, not the coffees or the texts or the promises of being one another’s always. Not after calling it quits in early January because they knew by August they’d be working with thousands of miles between them and a three hour difference on top of that. It just wouldn’t have been feasible in the long run, and sure— Remus was the one to broach the topic and he knows that Sirius was hesitant about the logical side of it, but sometimes Remus wishes Sirius had fought harder, had argued louder, had wanted Remus more. But that’s a ridiculous expectation, and he had only admitted as much to Lily. And at the end of the day, it was the right choice, because it’s only early May now, and Remus can’t imagine how sick he’ll feel once catching his flight to Berkeley, and they’re steadfastly back in the best friends category of things. He can’t fathom how it would’ve been if they spent all these months and the ones after being together in all those intimate ways, knowing that they’ll be so far apart soon enough.

It was the right decision for the both of them and their friendship.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go with that,” James says, bringing Remus out of his gloomy contemplations while opening the glass door to Three Broomsticks, sporting a thin smile that he always has on when he’s trying to be kind even when he’s irritated as all get out.

Remus snorts at him, elbow checking his side as he walks past. “Well he’s sharing that dorm with you and Sirius in New Haven, so I guess you’ve got that to look forwards to.”

James’s face pulls into a grimace and their typical barista nods their way, already receiving their orders through the app and sparing them having to wait in the queue. “Maybe Pete’ll grow his own personality in university, yeah?”

“Sure Prongsie,” Remus says, noncommittal as he checks his phone and lies against the windowpane, already exhausted by the morning. “And if he doesn’t, I’m sure Sirius is about to blow his lid any day now.”

“It’s going to be funny as fuck, and you won’t even be there to see the debris,” James counters, sounding pleasant enough even though Remus knows that he’s nearly as pissed off as Sirius is about the decision for him to go back to his home state for undergrad.

“You’ll send pictures though.”

“Of course Moony my old friend,” James jokes, tossing him a wink as they straighten once spotting their coffees being rung up. But as Remus takes a step forwards, he notices that a familiarly tan pair of hands are reaching for them, and when Remus looks up he feels like an idiot for not noticing him sooner. Because there Sirius is, dashing as ever in their school’s maroon blazer and tan pants, and his hair is windblown and shining as it falls midway of the nape of his neck. But Remus doesn’t really have the chance to appreciate just how damn good looking his ex-boyfriend is, rather, he’s more distracted by how Sirius doesn’t even notice him or James as he pivots around and hands over the second cup to a beaming Gideon Prewett. Their heads incline while they exchange a few words that are absolutely impossible to pick up in the crowded cafe before they bump their shoulders together and walk out the opposite door.

And it feels like nothing else watching that exchange— like their was a hammer and pick chipping away at his stupid, weeping heart.

“I think they’re just doing a project together,” James says lowly in Remus’s ear, clapping him on the back in reassurance, and Remus loves him, but he’s not in the mood for false platitudes, feels like there is a ugly, burning fire festering deep in his stomach and making Remus want to hurl all over the wooden floors.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he replies instead, mild as he discretely picks up his phone again and opens up to the last conversation he had this morning.

R: need intel

L: Say more sexy things to me, lover

R: sirius and Gideon

R: what’s going on there

L: I’ll take a look, dw

Buoyed by Lily’s scary levels of detective skills, Remus returns his phone to his satchel and signals James to follow him to pick up their actual drinks. “C’mon, Flitwick hates it when we’re late.”

“Do you want the good news first, or the bad.” Lily asks Remus later that morning during their shared free period, dropping her bag on the tabletop that they typically commandeer towards the back of Hogwarts’s library, nearest the windows and tucked away by the shelves.

“Is there actually any good news? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better.” Remus asks, single brow cocked as he shuts his history book and tosses it to the side.

“Well your hair looks especially nice today,” she offers with a small smile, sitting besides him and ruffling his curls.

“Thanks, I suppose. But I’d rather just get to it. And don’t sigh at me like that! All long suffering and all.”

Rolling her eyes, Lily gathers her hair into a high pony before turning to Remus fully. “You’re my best friend, I love you more than just about anyone. You know that, right?” Lily asks him, stiff stance relaxing when he nods in turn. “Then understand that I’m saying this from a place of love, but you don��t get to be mad at him, okay. You’re the one who called it off Re, you’re the one who wanted you guys to go back to being friends to avoid that messiness in August. And you know I respect the decision, but also it wasn’t the only one to be had. I mean look at James and I—“

“You’re going to Columbia Lils,” Remus bristles, hates how defensive he’s getting all of a sudden. “That train ride is like two hours and some change at the very most. It’s not the same.”

“You guys could’ve made it work,” she insists, green eyes blazing in the dim light. “He’s crazy about you, and you’re in love with him— Like ass backwards in love. You can’t just cut that off like it’s nothing, damn it, Remus.”

He can feel his own ears reddening and Remus hates it, hates how today had started off so innocuous and now it’s an absolute shit show. Remus hates that Lily is always correct about everything, and hates how Sirius probably is regretting telling Remus he still fully intends to ask him out to prom, and hates how much he loves him— how whenever he looks at Sirius it’s just a deluge of wanting and adoring and regretting and needing to feel his lips against Sirius’s own again like a drug, how he’ll never forget how he tasted like coffee beans and cigarette smoke and the strawberries he ate every morning besides his breakfast. Remus hates it all and he can’t figure out how not to feel like suddenly everything is slipping out of his hands like sand drifting through his fingers.

“He’s probably not that crazy over me anymore considering he’s getting Gideon Prewett coffees now, so maybe it’s the right decision after all.” Is what Remus decides to tell Lily instead of that whirlwind of clashing feelings.

“Oh Christ,” Lily huffs, dropping her head back like she’s asking for strength from the heavens above. “Look, Dorcas tells me that they’ve only been out twice. And Marlene says that it’s nothing intense. Just a movie and then he went to go watch his nephew’s little league game.”

“Oh,” Remus intones, because, no. No he will not start crying like this is some fucking Nicholas Sparks novel, and he’s the wayward lead making all the worst decisions. He’s not going to cry damn it!

He is not a bird, and this is suppose to be happening, and none of this has any real consequence at the end of the day. He and Sirius broke up, and Sirius can go out with whoever he pleases— even if it’s good looking, ginger athletes.

Remus is fine.

“Remus,” Lily gently consoles, lacing her fingers into his own that’s resting on his lap, and squeezing for good measure. “Benjy told Mary, who told me during Calc that Gideon doesn’t expect anything. Sirius told him he’s not looking for anything long term.”

“That’s dumb,” Remus retorts, trying to hold everything in so that Lily doesn’t give him that concerned, doe eyed face of hers, like when he’s spent a week living off of protein bars and double shot espressos preparing for finals. “Gideon’s great, and there on the soccer team together, they would be perfect.”

“Remus, stop.”

“And he’s going to Dartmouth, so he’ll be super close for like weekend excursions and all of that.”

“Remus!”

“The more I think about it, Lils, the more it makes sense. They just fit.”

“Sure, those are all nice attributes,” Lily says, peering up at him disappointedly. “But he’s not you.”

Like a legion of angels singing in the distance, the bell begins to shrill for next period and Remus is spared from giving that statement any mind.

He spends the rest of the week acting as if he hadn’t even seen Sirius that morning whenever around him, and internally analyzing each and every exchange between them, and comparing to them to when he sees Sirius chatting with Gideon. And it’s not fun to say the least. It’s like a flashback to when he was trying to hide his crush on Sirius back in Freshman and most of sophomore year, but somehow worse. It’s worse because Remus had him, had Sirius in all the ways someone could ever want an other. He had Sirius’s languid morning kisses, and Sirius’s bark like laughter. Remus had Sirius being nervous the first time Lyall came for his typical Christmas visit, and Sirius had to try and impress him along with Remus’s mom as more than just the friend he hung around with at school. Remus had Sirius’s gruff voice when they were in bed and getting tangled into one another, and Sirius’s dopey looks in the middle of class when he’d be gazing over at Remus instead of the board. And if Remus is being honest, he knows he still has all those things, but it’s suddenly and searingly clear that some time— sooner rather than later— they’ll all leave, abruptly disappearing and shattering Remus’s world in their wake. Because eventually all of those different facets of Sirius’s won’t be Remus’s anymore— they’ll be Gideon’s or some other boy he meets in New Haven. And Remus can’t even be upset at it, he doesn’t have a claim to any of Sirius anymore, doesn’t get to call any part of him his.

And it’s probably the worst Remus has felt since that first night after their break up, because he’s eating every moment he has with Sirius like he’s famished and Sirius is the last meal he’ll ever know. He wants to memorize every part of him before he can’t have any of it. He wants to unravel every layer of Sirius, and kiss it for the final time, and it’s like saying goodbye a thousand times over, strangling his heart and splintering something desperate deep inside of him.

Like now.

It’s edging on midnight, and they drove up to the lake front near their suburb, with Sirius lying with his head on Remus’s lap and his long, muscled body lying against the tattered blanket beneath them. And his eyes are fluttered shut while the speaker they brought croons out the indie playlist they like most from Spotify.

And Remus can’t help but feel like this is one of their last nights like this, alone and quiet and together without any other specter of some other partner. So he watches him, watches the moonlight pacing over his nose and the high bones of his cheeks and across Sirius’s eyelids too. Remus watches his ink like lashes kissing his skin, and wants to touch the divot of his cupids bow like so many times before while his other hand cards through Sirius’s hair.

And Remus lets himself want Sirius and wonders if he’ll ever stop wanting, craving, loving him.

“I can hear you thinking Moons,” Sirius says, fluttering his eyes open and crunching up before Remus can even respond. “What’s going on?”

“Huh? What do you mean? I’m fine.” Remus all but sputters, folding his knees against his chest and wrapping his arms around them, feeling somehow vulnerable in blistering ways. “Nothing is going on.”

“Pff,” Sirius gives him a pointed look, settles down so that they’re side by side and tries to get Remus to look at him head on. “You’ve been strange all week, Moony.”

“That’s not—“

“And then tonight, you didn’t even tease your ma when she was telling us about that patient who puked all over her shoes.”

“Just tired is all.”

“But had enough energy to smoke half the joint I brought.” Sirius says with a snort, looking frustrated again when Remus didn’t even flinch a smile at the counter. “Remus, talk to me.”

“It’s fine Sirius,” Remus sighs, suddenly remembers how exhausting all their arguments were in the past. How Sirius tries getting him to speak everything in his mind, as if Remus could even put them into words.

“Okay, then tell me why you rejected my offer to go to that Frank Ocean concert. You’re obsessed with him.”

“’S in July,” Remus reminds him lightly, focusses on the way they can see the North star glimmering against the horizon instead.

“And, so?” Sirius asks, sounding more than a bit scathing. “You’re not leaving for another month after that, you trying to cut me off completely by the summer or something?”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“Don’t be condescending.”

“Sirius, just leave well enough alone. Holy shit.”

“I can leave it alone if you can actually tell me what the fuck is going on with you,” Sirius snaps, standing up now, probably because he always likes using his height advantage on most people whenever he gets all pissy.

“You can be such a prick sometimes, you know that?” Remus snarls at him, following suit and dipping his head back just slightly so that they’re eye to eye. “Not everything is on your schedule, you know that.”

“My schedule!” Sirius’s brows jump to his hairline, and he breaks into that manic laughter that springs up only when he’s so angry he can’t put his thoughts together. “I’m trying to do as much shit with you as possible before you leave, because for some stupid fucking reason I’m going to miss you when your across the fucking country! But yeah, whatever. If you’re actually just sick of me and my presence or what the fuck else, you can just—“

“I would’ve assumed you wanted to go with Gideon,” Remus blurts out, simply unable to hold it back any more, unable to pretend like he’s not suffering a thousand fresh paper cuts every time he even glances Sirius’s way these days. He can’t do this, can’t pretend to just be friends when they were— when they are— so much more than that. “To the concert I mean. I just assumed—“

“No,” Sirius says, seething as he storms up to Remus— close enough that the tips of their noses brush up against each other.

“No? Excuse me?”

“No Remus you don’t get to do this!” Sirius repeats, voice going frayed at the edges as their glances level. “You don’t get to pretend as if I want anyone more than I want— than I’ve always wanted you. And you don’t get to float around for the rest of your life pretending as if this’ll ever change for me. As if you can’t hit me up in fifteen years when I’m married with kids, and ask to get back together, and think that I wouldn’t drop it all for you.”

Remus’s heart begins to thud, loud and painful against his ribcage, and his lungs feel like they might collapse the instant Remus let’s the tears swimming in his eyes sprinkle out. “Sirius, I ca—“

“I’ve been in love with you since before we were suppose to mean what that meant, damn it, Remus! And you’re the one who called it off!”

“It was the right decision.” Remus croaks out, plunging his hands into his hoodie’s pockets, doesn’t want Sirius to see the way they’re shaking.

“”For you. The right decision for you.” Sirius presses, his gray eyes dark underneath the stars. “And you know I’d do anything you wanted of me, but you don’t get to be mad at the ways I cope. And you sure as fuck don’t get to be jealous of fucking Gideon Prewett, as if he can hold a match to you.”

“Oh.” Is all Remus can gather to say, peering back down at his shoes and pressing together his lips, feels the most lost he ever has while around Sirius. “I love you too, you know that. You know I love you so much that it hurts sometimes— That was never the problem.”

Sirius makes a strangled sound deep in his throat, and the next second, Remus can’t feel the warmth of his body besides him because Sirius is darting over to the cusp of the lake and kicking at a rock. “Fuck, Remus. You can’t just say that, all right! You can’t because none of this is fair, or okay. And I fucking hate it and I hate this and—“

“Maybe we can try,” Remus says, quiet but unshaken. And he watches as Sirius slowly turns back around, face scrunched up in utter confusion, but eyes glittering with something like hope. “I love you Sirius, and you love me. And Lily’s right, fucking hell she’s so right. I can’t just turn it off, okay. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I can’t. I can’t be around you and not want every part of you. But I also can’t let myself stay away from you. So let’s try, and it’s probably a stupid difficult decision, and we’re going to be frustrated and we’re going to miss one another but I know there’s going to be no one I want more and I think you migh— Oof.”

Remus can’t continue rattling off any of the reasons why they should get back together, because Sirius is somehow magically popping up in front of him— his large hands cupping against Remus’s jawline and his thin lips crashing against him, and Remus can only wrap his arms around Sirius’s torso and give him back all he’s pushing forwards.

And it might’ve been a minute or an hour that past, but Sirius is pulling back with a face that looks lighter in ways Remus hasn’t seen on him since the breakup all those months ago. “I’d literally agree to anything if it means we can stay together, Moony. Absolutely anything.”

Remus feels the strain against the apples of his cheeks as he beams at him at the sound of the oath. “Yeah, me too Padfoot. Always and forever, it’s you.”

My Other Wolfstar FIC💜

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #SIRIUSXREMUS #REMUSXSIRIUS #WOLFSTAR ANGST #WOLFSTAR FLUFF #THE HARRY POTTER SERIES #HARRY POTTER SERIES #MARAUDERS #SPILT INK #I AM A MESS #I HATE ME LMFAO

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senstia · 4 years

Text

~That one time when Andrew thought Neil cheated and it caused a bunch of unnecessary emotional distress~

*andreil

*angst with a happy ending

“A-Andrew?”

“Just go Neil.”

“I don’t understand. This is just over for good? After all this time?” Neil said, his voice breaking.

“This was never anything. And now it’s done. Get away from me.”

Andrew couldn’t bear to look at Neil for another second. His heart felt like it was in a vice grip and it was about to shatter into a million pieces. He’d never felt this level of pain before. And the one person he thought he could trust... No. He was done. Neil chose to cheat on him. Neil ended this. He had no right to look so heartbroken. He had no right to have tears streaming down his scarred cheeks. Andrew stormed out of the dorm before he hit Neil. Or took back every word he had just said. He couldn’t handle another second looking at those blue eyes. He couldn’t handle the way it felt like he’d lost a part of his soul.

Neil’s mind was a kaleidoscope of memories blinding him by the second. He couldn’t help but go over everything that had happened in the past month, trying to figure out where he went wrong. Trying to figure out why Andrew had shattered his heart and left him with no warning. He came up empty. They had had no fights, no arguments, nothing of consequence had occurred. He’d been blindsided. And now it felt like he was drowning and there was no way to the surface. To live without Andrew by his side. He would never see those hazel eyes sparkle again. He would never get to feel Andrew’s lips on his skin again. He would never get to have a lazy weekend with Andrew again. He couldn’t bear it, didn’t know how he would be able to survive this. Maybe it would be easier if he knew the reason, but Andrew gave no explanation. He was just done. He knew he would be haunted by this forever. Knew the loss of Andrew would be a scar that never faded. The pain was excruciating.

And there was nothing Neil could do but try to survive without his heart, for it would always belong to Andrew.

It was a Saturday night when Andrew had felt his world shatter before his eyes. He had been going to see his stupid junkie. Because he missed him. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Of course Andrew had assumed Neil would be alone. The first sign was the thong thrown haphazardly on the floor in the living room, and then the bra following soon after. Andrew had felt nausea roil in his gut at the sight. He knew for a fact no one else was here but Neil. No one else had been staying in the dorm for the past few days, all busy with different plans. And as he had walked closer to the closed door he heard a girlish voice, followed by Neil’s carefree laugh.

“Neil stop it,” the girl said playfully, giggling.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed.

“Damn Neil, you’re insanely sexy. This is perfect!” The girl exclaimed.

Neil giggled softly and Andrew could easily imagine the blush on Neil’s cheeks at the compliment.

“Do you have condoms?” The girl asked playfully.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry,” Neil said.

That was the point of the conversation when Andrew couldn’t stand to listen anymore. The familiar feeling of betrayal ripped through him like wildfire, surprising in its intensity. Neil didn’t want him anymore. Neil had chosen someone else, someone better.

His instinct was to go up to the roof, but he couldn’t bare it anymore. The roof was drowned in memories of Neil. He couldn’t go up there without feeling the echo of Neil’s lips on his skin.

So he started driving. He drove until he buried the heartbreak as far down as he could. Until he felt only numbness. He wiped away the few tears that had managed to escape him. And then he came back and Neil was alone again. He couldn’t bare to ask. Couldn’t bare to hear Neil either lie or confess. He just ended it. Ripped off the bandage. And then it was gone. This light in the darkness. Andrew had been in darkness his whole life, just surviving. And then Neil had come along and it was like he could finally see again, as much as he didn’t want to. And now the light was gone. The universe had proved him right once again. There was nothing good for him here. Neil was and had always been, a pipe dream, and Andrew had finally woken up. It was more painful than he had expected it to be. The pain would linger, he knew. He would never be able to escape it. Because part of his soul was missing now, shredded apart, taken by Neil’s scarred hands and ice blue eyes and silver tongue.

It was movie night with the foxes. It had been two days since Andrew and Neil’s breakup and none of the foxes knew. Neil felt nauseous at the thought of having to tell the foxes, of having to be in the same room as Andrew again. He hadn’t seen him since that day. He didn’t want to cry again. For two days he had dreamt of Andrew. Andrew next to him, Andrew loving him, and both times he had woken up to remember the truth. It shattered him every time. He hadn’t expected to cry. But the tears flowed and overflowed and never stopped. Just the thought of Andrew made his throat tighten painfully.

Andrew knew he looked like shit. He hadn’t slept one minute the past two days. He hadn’t been able to smoke either, it reminded him too much of Neil. The nicotine withdraw mixed with his grief caused headaches, lack of appetite, nausea. He had already vomited his guts up twice today. He had told Bee what happened, but her advice had just sounded like ringing in his ears, faraway, insignificant. He was drifting off to sea and there was no one to pull him back. And now he had to see him. He had to sit in the same goddamn room as Neil for hours, pretending to care about movie night, pretending to be some form of a capable human being. It was going to be agony to be at a party when he felt like an open wound, raw and bleeding out.

Neil wasn’t there yet when he got in. Andrew dragged his tired body to a beanbag and plopped down, not acknowledging anyone. Normally, he would have stopped to get ice cream first, but he knew he would vomit if he so much as smelled it. Normally he’d be sitting with Neil up against him, his warmth seeping into him like honey. Nothing was normal anymore.

Neil finally appeared in the doorway and it was a slight consolation to Andrew that Neil looked like shit too. His eyes were puffy, red, and bloodshot. He had deep dark circles under his eyes. His hair looked greasy and disheveled, like he hadn’t bothered to wash or brush it in days. His eyes were lifeless, like chips of ice so cold they could burn. Neil’s eyes caught Andrew’s for a moment and his entire body froze. Andrew felt nausea roil in his gut at the feel of Neil’s eyes on him. He looked away quickly.

“Hey... woah Neil. Are you okay? You look like shit,” Matt said.

Neil’s eyes barely flickered in recognition of Matt’s words. He didn’t even look at Matt, his lifeless eyes were glued to the floor.

“I’m fine,” Neil said, his voice cold, dead. Matt looked deeply concerned and he exchanged worried looks with Dan and Nicky. Neil just trudged over to his beanbag on the opposite side of the couch and plopped in it, staring at his hands like he was searching for something there.

“Neil? Can you tell us what’s wrong?” Allison asked, leaning over Neil.

Neil didn’t reply, just flicked his eyes to Andrew for a moment and then went back to staring at his hands.

All the foxes looked to Andrew then.

“Andrew?” Nicky said tentatively.

“We broke up.”

All the foxes froze at this. Eyes jumping between Neil and Andrew over and over, most likely cataloging how miserable they both looked.

“W-what happened?” Nicky asked looking to Neil.

Neil snapped his eyes to Andrew, fire flickering there once again, “He dumped me,” Neil said, his voice like steel. Andrew wanted to bury a knife in his gut in that moment. How dare Neil make him out to be the bad guy?

Andrew snorted, muttered under his breath, “You’re pathetic.”

Neil seemed to freeze at the words, and then deflate. He looked so broken and defeated in that moment that Andrew almost felt regret. No. Neil cheated. He deserved this.

Allison went over and sat next to Neil, wrapped her arm around his waist.

“Mind if I sit with you for the movie?” She asked kindly. Neil just smiled weakly and rested his head on Allison’s shoulder. Nicky gave Andrew a scathing look before flicking the lights off for the movie. By the end Andrew’s head was pounding and he felt one second away from vomiting all over the floor. Nicky, Allison, Matt, and Dan had all been fawning over Neil the entire movie. Bringing him food and drinks, hugging him, whispering words of kindness in his ears. Aaron and Kevin had been cautiously watching Andrew throughout the night but hadn’t said a word. They had looks of concern in their eyes though.

When Nicky flipped the lights on Andrew immediately got up to leave, but he swayed on his feet. He paused, closing his eyes, trying to gain equilibrium. Neil had trudged off to the bathroom so at least Andrew could leave the dorm in peace. Andrew almost didn’t say anything, but he felt their eyes on him, angry and accusing. Because how dare Andrew hurt their perfect little Neil. Andrew paused in the doorway on his way out, turned to look back at the foxes.

“You can stop treating Neil like a broken victim.”

“Why?” Nicky said sharply.

“Because he cheated on me,” Andrew said with a cold grin, saluting the foxes with a hand as he left the dorm.

Andrew felt Aaron on his heels as he was leaving the dorm. He turned around to face him. Aaron looked confused, distraught.

“He cheated on you?”

“That’s what I said isn’t it?” Andrew said, raising a brow.

“How do you know?”

“I heard them. I saw remnants of their clothing on the floor,” Andrew said honestly.

“Another guy?” Aaron asked, sounding afraid.

Andrew swallowed the tightness in his throat, “A girl.”

Anger and disgust flashed in Aaron’s eyes, “I’ll kill him. I’ll kill that bastard,” Aaron said venomously. Andrew just laughed coldly and walked away.

“Don’t follow me.”

Aaron stormed back into the dorm, ready to rip Neil’s throat out.

“Where’s Neil?” He demanded.

“He just left to go on a run... why do you look like you’re about to commit homicide?” Matt asked cautiously.

“Because that piece of shit cheated on Andrew.” Aaron said.

“I thought Andrew was kidding,” Nicky said.

“Holy shit... Neil actually...” Kevin muttered under his breath.

“Wait. Wait. Are you sure?” Dan asked, looking to Aaron.

“What? You think he’d lie about that?” Aaron asked scathingly.

None of the foxes had a reply to that. They were all standing in shocked silence. Morning practice tomorrow was going to be rough.

Andrew squeezed his eyes shut and gripped his hand against the goal, trying to fight against his nausea. He knew he was going to vomit again. He just didn’t know when.

Neil hadn’t shown up to practice yet. He was 30 minutes late. All the foxes had been silent throughout practice, only speaking when absolutely necessary. Wymack had asked what the hell was going on so Nicky went up and whispered something in his ear. Wymack stayed quiet after that.

Andrew walked over to the water jug, trying to blink the stars out of his eyes. And then Neil walked onto the court. Andrew physically gagged at the sight and had to swallow back his vomit. Neil looked even worse today, if that were possible. He didn’t look at anyone as he trudged towards the team. He looked dead inside, like a ghost of himself.

Before anyone could react Aaron had Neil slammed against the wall. Aaron punched Neil in the jaw and Neil’s head snapped to the side at the impact but his expression barely changed. He didn’t even fight back. Everyone was frozen, not knowing what to do.

Aaron slammed him harder against the wall, “I should kill you. I should rip your throat out right here.”

Neil just laughed, his expression dead, “I won’t stop you.”

Aaron seemed to pause at Neil’s tone. Because Neil meant it. If Aaron had actually tried to kill him, he wouldn’t have fought back. The lack of fire, the lack of care in Neil’s eyes, it was terrifying. And even though Neil had shattered Andrew, the thought of Neil dead, the thought of Neil wanting to be dead, made Andrew sick. And finally the vomit he’d been holding back all day came out. Everyone turned to Andrew in shock. Andrew was on his hands and knees on the ground now, dry heaving, choking and spitting. He had barely eaten in days, his stomach had nothing left to reject but the feeling of his heart shattering over again.

“Andrew,” Neil said breathlessly, breaking apart from Aaron to run to Andrew’s side. Andrew kept dry heaving, didn’t have enough energy to push Neil away when he settled next to him on the ground.

When Andrew finally stopped dry heaving he turned a scathing look to Neil, grabbed his shirt with a fist and pulled him closer.

“You piece of shit. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to give up. You don’t get to want to die. Don’t you fucking dare Abram.”

Neil’s eyes widened, he shook his head, over and over, “I can’t... I can’t do this Andrew. It hurts too much.”

And for some reason at those words Andrew paused, realized something. Neil had never once looked guilty. He had never once looked regretful. He had only looked heartbroken and confused. Either that meant that Neil was much more heartless than Andrew had thought, or... No. There’s no way Andrew was wrong. He knows what he heard. He knows what he saw. But some instinct inside of him made him pause. He knew Neil better than he knew anyone or anything, and if Neil had really cheated on him this wouldn’t have been his reaction. Andrew went over what he had seen and heard over and over in his head, and realized... there could be another explanation. The hope that flared in his chest pissed him off so much that he shoved Neil away as hard as he could. Neil just steadied himself and blinked at Andrew. He had noticed Andrew’s thoughts changing direction.

“Drew?”

Andrew glared at him, “Don’t. Don’t fucking call me that right now.”

Andrew’s thoughts were going a mile a minute, trying to discern the truth from what he had assumed. He knew he should just ask Neil, but he didn’t want an audience for that conversation. He looked in Neil’s blue eyes and only saw fear, confusion, hope, and such deep, unending sadness. No guilt. No regret. Had Andrew truly been wrong? Did he break up with Neil for a reason that didn’t exist?

“What is it?” Neil asked.

Andrew just shook his head and walked off the court.

Andrew went to the roof of fox tower. Smoked a cigarette, smoked 3. He called Bee. Told her his predicament. Of course she just said he needed to have an honest conversation with Neil. Andrew rolled his eyes at the thought. It had been a while and he was sure practice was almost over by now but he was tired of waiting. Andrew drove back to the court and waited in the parking lot. When the foxes saw Andrew waiting they all paused. Andrew just looked to Neil and gestured for him to come over. The foxes stayed back, watching, but just out of earshot.

Neil walked up to Andrew, he looked nervous.

“When I came to the dorm Saturday night there was woman’s undergarments thrown of the floor. I heard you with someone in the bedroom. She told you you were sexy and she asked if you had condoms.” Andrew said calmly. Neil blinked. Blinked again. He dropped his bag and racquet on the ground like he was in shock.

“You thought I cheated on you!?” Neil half-shouted.

“Didn’t you?” Andrew asked.

“No! Andrew I would never- I can’t believe-Oh my God.”

Now Neil was making Andrew feel stupid for ever thinking it, and that really pissed him off.

“Explain,” he bit out.

Neil rubbed a hand across his face, disbelief and frustration written all over his face.

“One of the girls in my math class. We were assigned a group project together so she came over a few times to work on it. Her clothes were on the floor because she spilled her coffee all over her on her way in. I let her borrow some of Allison’s leftover clothes while hers got washed,” Neil cringed, “While we were working on the project she said my hair looked long and I needed a haircut. I agreed and she trimmed my hair a little. She called me sexy because I guess she thought it looked good,” Neil’s cheeks flushed and he twisted his hands together, “She knew I was seeing you later that night, thats why she was talking about condoms. I’m sorry Drew.”

Andrew stared at Neil, took all this information in, repeated it in his head. He knew Neil wasn’t lying. Neil’s words were genuine, his expression was genuine. He felt like an idiot. Of course Neil wouldn’t cheat on him. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“Okay.”

Neil took a step closer to Andrew, looked at him with those big blue eyes.

“Does this mean we’re back together?”

Andrew scoffed and looked away. Neil just took another step towards Andrew and lifted his hand to Andrew’s cheek. Andrew nuzzled his head against Neil’s hand and sighed, his eyes fluttering shut. Andrew’s heart felt so happy, so light. The relief of having Neil back was almost enough to bring him to his knees. His Neil. The light was back brighter than ever before.

Neil stared and stared at Andrew. His Andrew. He understood now. He felt horrible, thinking of the way Andrew must have felt the last few days. He wish he would have known. If he had known Andrew had thought he was cheating, of all things... The thought of Neil ever cheating on Andrew was laughable. Neil would rather die than be with anyone else. All Neil wanted to do now was wrap Andrew in his arms and never let go.

“I thought i’d lost you,” Neil said softly, still caressing Andrew’s cheek.

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore,” Andrew whispered. The confession broke Neil’s heart.

“Yes or no?” Neil said and right when he saw Andrew’s nod he wrapped him in his arms, holding him tightly.

“I love you Drew. You’re all I will ever want. Every day for the rest of my life. I only want you. Always.”

Andrew had his head buried in Neil’s neck, breathing him in, soaking up the words Neil was saying.

“I love you too. And yes junkie we’re back together.”

Neil laughed lightly and pulled back, “Promise me if you ever think I cheated on you again you’ll talk to me about it first before dumping me?”

Andrew snorted but still saw the phantom pain lingering in Neil’s eyes, “I promise. But Neil? Why did you think I broke up with you?”

Neil frowned, “I didn’t know. I thought you just got bored of me like you said you would.”

“I never meant that. I want to be with you forever.”

Neil sighed and his lips quirked up, “That’s good.”

“Yes or no Neil?”

“Yes,” Neil said breathlessly and then they were kissing, slowly, languidly. Andrew pulled Neil closed and wrapped and arm around his waist, the other going to his hair. Neil tangled his hands in Andrew’s hair as they kissed and all the pain of the last few days disappeared.

When they broke apart Neil traced Andrew’s lips with a hand, “I love you Drew. Only you.”

Andrew kissed Neil once on the forehead and flicked his eyes to the foxes. They all looked thoroughly confused. Probably all wondering why Andrew was taking back Neil if he cheated on him. Neil glanced back at the foxes and then looked to Andrew, frowning.

“They all think I cheated on you don’t they?”

“Maybe,” Andrew said, his lips tugging up at the corners.

Neil snorted, “Well that explains why Aaron punched me.”

Andrew’s grin faltered, he examined Neil’s jaw but only saw a small bruise there. Neil’s eyes softened.

“I’m okay. And besides if I had cheated on you I definitely would have deserved it.”

Andrew snorted and gestured for the foxes to come over to them. They all cautiously walked up and waited for Andrew or Neil to speak.

“I didn’t cheat on Andrew. But I appreciate your defending him. If I had cheated on him I would have deserved much worse.”

“Oh thank god. So you two are back together now? Because it was really horrible having you both so unhappy.” Nicky rambled.

“Wait. Andrew you just assumed he cheated and dumped him without even asking him about it?” Kevin asked.

Andrew just shrugged, “Oops.”

Aaron narrowed his eyes at Neil, not fully believing him. Andrew caught his eye and nodded. Reassuring Aaron that he knew what he was doing.

“We’re leaving now. Bye,” Andrew said, taking Neil’s hand and dragging him to the car.

Once they were alone in the Maserati Neil smiled softly at Andrew. Andrew just stared back.

“What is it junkie?”

“I love you,” Neil said, grinning widely.

Andrew rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his mouth. He leaned in and kissed Neil softly on the lips, “I love you too.”

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h0neyjaehyun · 3 years

Text

☁︎ 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤 ☁︎

Summary // Tali decided maybe a little flirting won't hurt....oof.

Characters // Talia Flores + Jung Jaehyun(ft.Nct 127)

Era / Year // July 2017

Word Count //

Note // I would like to thank @woopetals for this🥰, ya girl was struggling anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY OUR VALENTINE BOY JUNG JAEHYUN❤❤❤

"Hey cutie." Jaehyun came into her room laying beside her. She looked up from her book then looked back down and shook her head.

"So you not gonna acknowledge me?" Jaehyun looked offended. Tali looked at him.

"Oh, were you talking to me, I thought you were talking to someone named Cutie." She put a hand on her chest and acting dramatic. Jaehyun rolled his eyes about to leave.

"Ohhh no no no, stayyyy." She whined grabbing on to his shirt.

"Will you respond to me then?" He raised an eyebrow at her and gave her a teasing smile. She slighty lowered her head and pouted.

"Fine, but come on and lets go the cafè handsome." She said getting off her bed, poking his cheek along the way. He loaded for a second but shook it off thinking, no she just playing no way she is gonna keep this up.....

Boy was he wrong.

They left the dorm, and she had a cute smile on her face. Then she suddenly hooked her pinky to his and and took him to the elevator. He was surprised at the sudden contact, he knew he was screwed.

She was humming all the way to the cafe still hooking pinkys. He was just admiring her honestly, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

They made it to the cafe and they got their drinks. They sat down at a table near the back to privacy.

"Whats with you, why you such in a good mood?" Jaehyun asked really curious what got her such in a good mood. She smiled at him and came closer to his face looking him up and down, as he slighty backed away from the sudden closeness. She giggle at his action, she then whispered.

"You."

She quickly went back to her seat sipping on her coffee smiling innocently like she didn't make the handsome man infront of her freeze from her act.

"I- I-"

"shhhh,come one lets go get food and have a picnic." She interrupted him grabbed his hand and dragging him to get some chicken.

Jaehyun's brain malfunction a bit he's not gonna lie, he wasn't expecting that. They got the food and went to the Han River instead to get more privacy.

"Here Cutie." He said smirking, trying to feed her but he is extra close. He was in competition mode, no way he is letting Talia win this.

Tali looked at him she took the bite confidently moved back and hummed.

"Im disappointed Jaehyun." She sighed shaking her head. She then resting her head on her hand looking at him with a mechivious look on her face only a couple people have seen.

"I was hoping you would use your mouth to give me my food how disappointing." She said slightly eyeing his lips then cutely poking his cheek with a pout.

He has never been this surprised, its not the first time Tali has flirted back but its only little comments not full on flirting. His soul left his body, he was a still statue. Tali noticed this and started poking him to get back to the real world.

"Jaehyun~ come back."

"Oh- uh-" he stumbled around his words now fully realizing what just happened. She started giggling when she noticed his ears were turning red.

"Aww, wait I'm sorry, now I feel like I went too far." She said trying to cool his ears down with her hand.

"Oh n-no no your fine I wasn't expecting that." Now replacing her hands with his. She giggle again at his embarrassment, she looked up to the sky noticing it was getting dark.

"Come on mi Bon bon lets go home." She sighed grabbing his hand to get him up. He smiled at the nickname and shook his head. He cleaned up while she was getting smoothies.

"Wow, I really dug a whole for myself." He whispered to himself. He catched up with her and hooked his arm with hers and gave her a cheeky smile.

"Now whats got you in a good mood?" She questioned him with a smirk. He had a cheeky smile on display.

"Because I get to brag."

"Brag?"

"Yeah.." He said now getting a closer to her, while eyed him.

"Cause I had a date and with the one and only Tali when she is usually busy. Dont you have to work the rest of the week and next?" He questioned her for some reason getting more happy.

"Uh yeah why?" She asked him little confused. He chuckled.

"Well it looks like no one can take you out on a date now can they? Not when you are busy." He said smugly.

Then it hit her.

This man took her on a date, flirted with her and with the addition of her flirting back, on her last day off. No one can take her on a date for the rest next couple weeks because she has a comeback with Blackpink so she can't even have a mini date with the members because she wont even be around them.

She looked at him so offended.

"You...you did this...for what?" She questioned him as they make it to their building. He laughed at her question.

"I have bragging rights now, your last day, you flirting back willingly and good at it too." He said chuckling too. She just had a blank face internally regretting the past what 3 hours maybe a couple more of her life. But she then didn't, since she had fun.

She shook her head at him now suppressing a smile from coming to her face.

"What am I going to do with you Bon bon?" She said putting in the pin code to the dorm. Knowing that she now has to face the consequences of today. He chuckled once again and had a smile on his face. He wrapped his arms around her waist and head on her shoulder.

"Love me more." He said slyly.

"Ha in your dreams." She retored back now opening the door. She saw the boys in the living room chilling.

"Hey guys we are back." She said smiling at them while Jaehyun straighted up with a smug smile on his face but still has a hand around her waist.

"Buuub~" Haechan whinned going up to her about to hug her but Jaehyun's hand was in the way.

"Ay hyung move your hand." Haechan said trying to swat off his hand from her waist so he can hug her the way he wants.

"Nope." Jaehyun said now hugging her fully, pulling her away from Haechan.

"Heyyy." Haechan whinned holding on to Tali's arm.

"Where did you guys go anyway?" Doyoung asked ignoring Haechan's whinning.

"We went to-

"Went on a date."

Everything was quiet, the boys were processing what Jaehyun just said.

"WHAT" Haechan screeched out, making Tali srunch up a bit to Jaehyun's chest now giving him to opportunity to hug her tighter.

"But, WE MADE A DEAL NOT TO SPEND ALONE TIME WITH HER TODAY!" Taeyong yelled out feeling betrayed.

Now Tali was even more confused."What?"

"So we made a deal not to hangout alone with you on you last day off because it would make be unfair...to the rest of us." Johnny explaines now kinda embarrassed.

"I didn't even suggest it Tali did." Jaehyun pointed out. Tali made an offened face but then thought about it.....she did, didn't she.

"Well you came into my room and I was bored what else was I supposed to do?" She defened herself.

"So flirting with me was one solution?" He pointed out.

"Nah don't put that on me you flirted first."

"You flirted Tali?" Taeyong asked surprised.

"Yeah a little."

"A LITTLE?" "YEAH A LITTLE."

"N-" "Shhhh I'm going to my room peace people I have a schedule tomorrow." She shushed Jaehyun from talking, she went to her shared room with Mark as she shared a room with him in 127 dorm when she stayed over.

Everyone saw her close the door and then they looked back at Jaehyun offended.

"So you went to her first?" Taeyong asked sassily.

"Yeah, it was nice for the mattera fact and she flirted back too which was the best part." He bragged then started sipping his smoothie.

"Ah Jaehyun whyyy." Taeyong whined knowing damn well he can't spend time with her for the next 2 weeks.

"She wanted to, and I gave her what she wanted." He defended himself.

Haechan huffed also wanting to have a date with her since he hasn't been able to properly hang out with her. Then he thought of something.

"TALI~ COME AND CUDDLE WITH ME TONIGHT!" He yelled out for her waddling to her and Mark's room.

"NO COME CUDDLE ME INSTEAD." Yuta yelled out shoving Haechan out of the way heading towards to door.

Then everyone else joined in.

Jaehyun was now smiling smugly sitting on the island chair looking at the chaos he had made sipping on his smoothie.

"You are proud of yourself aren't you." Johnny said sitting next to him.

"You have no idea."

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emerald-phoenix-dragon · 3 years

Text

oh the joy of pining (wolfstar oneshot)

Hi guys! So maybe this wasn’t really what anybody expected, but I wrote this in a whirlwind after seeing a tumblr post on Instagram (ironic huh) and had the sudden inspiration to write something wolfstar-inspired.

this is a non-magic AU. CW: alcohol use

Remus was going to miss his best friend so much.

Yes, Sirius was only going to the art school across the road from his own college (where he himself was learning to become a writer)

But he was still really going to miss Padfoot, however desperate and clingy that made him seem.

He was so proud of his Sirius. But he was salty because they would be staying in dorms of their own uni for a while

And this week was going to be busy for Siri, which meant Remus wouldn’t be able to see him at all until the start of the following one

This made him rather grumpy. He complained to Lily about it, and she were rather sympathetic, though she teased him for becoming all soft

She was nice about it though, knowing how Remus had been secretly in love with him since forever

Sirius knew his Rem would be sulking, so he took him out to the club to have a fun time

Where they promptly got wasted and smashed faces with many people

Or rather, that was what a slightly tipsy Moony was looking at for most of the night

By the end of the night, Remus was kind of grumpy and jealous because of how many guys who had been begging for Siri’s attention (girls too, he just wasn’t interested)

And it pissed him off. Despite how drunk Sirius was, he noticed this

And he didn’t know why. He kept on asking his Moony because he didn’t want him to be upset on the last night they’d have together until the week was over

Sirius bugged Remus to the point he had to pull over in the parking lot in between the campuses and get out of the car

He stalked to the side and pointedly avoided Siri who had come over and placed a head onto his shoulder

Until he couldn’t take in anymore, since Sirius had also managed to snake his arms around Rem’s waist

“Damn it, Pads, not now! Stop being so damn affectionate!” He exclaimed, now annoyed and extremely flustered

Sirius swivelled Remus around to face him, and let go of him. Immediately he regretted the loss of the taller boy’s contact, but he knew it was better to respect Moon’s boundaries

“What’s getting you so annoyed?! We were supposed to have a good time yet all night long you’ve been skulking around acting like your pet dog passed away!” He all but exclaimed, now pissed at his best friend.

Remus remained silent. He was fuming and jealous and the way Sirius was looking at him with only the distant streetlight shining onto him wasn’t making him feel any better

Because it made him see love in Padfoot’s eyes, the love that he knew he was imagining and wishing to be there

But what Remus didn’t know was that it was there, and it wasn’t his imagining at all.

Sirius was about to speak again when he saw the silhouette of a couple in the distance

Remus turned to follow his best friend’s gaze

And together, they watched a tall, beautiful dark-skinned woman lean in and kiss a slightly shorter, skinnier and pale blonde girl.

the blonde girl seemed to falter, and her stance which had been confident minutes before seemed to sag into relief the very minute her lips touched the other girl’s

Soon they were in a tight embrace, and were twirling each other around, laughing and giggling and crying

They looked so incredibly happy, that it made Sirius’s heart hurt and Remus’s stomach suspiciously fluttery.

They looked away, both flushing

Now, both of them were inwardly feeling awkward, after seemingly intruding on such a private and intimate moment

Moony’s eyes fixed onto Siri’s handsome face yet again.

And maybe it was the influence of the tiny bit of alcohol that was in his system

But suddenly he had the urge to kiss Padfoot’s face of like there was no tomorrow.

And he didn’t even bother to hide the hungry look in his gaze

And Sirius? He saw that look, he was familiar with it

He smirked a tiny bit, but inside, his stomach was filled with butterflies.

and as Remus stared at Sirius, he decided to be spontaneous for once, with no care for the consequences

next thing Sirius knew, Remus was swearing to himself

“Fuck it”

and Remus leaned in and grasped Sirius’s face sharply,

proceeding to snog the living daylights out of his best friend.

Next thing Remus knew, Sirius was kissing him back desperately

Moony brought his hands down to Padfoot’s waist, and lifted him up against himself, staggering only slightly

And Siri had brought his palms to the fucking beautiful face that was Remus Lupin’s

They were full on making out, flushed against one another, leaning against a stranger’s car

Soon enough, Sirius had grasped Rem’s hand and they had run as fast as they could to his empty dorm room

Where they continued kissing and touching one another, fully in their own world

They didn’t get any sleep that evening, and the next day they were both sore,

but they didn’t regret a thing.

~ fin

#sirius black #remus lupin #lily evans #wolfstar #wolfstar oneshot #mutual pining #non magical au #remus x sirius #remus and sirius #they’re in love no one can say otherwise #he’s remus fucking lupin #and he’s fucking remus lupin #well damn

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nonsensical-twistedriddles · 4 years

Note

Hiii, could I request the dorm leaders (if you don't accept many characters, could you do for Mallus, Leona and Vil?) saving their s/o (female) from other students (maybe they are bullying them or something like that)? I'm srry if it's difficult to understand, my English is not very good >

hello hello ! i’m sorry i took so long, dear anon ! this is probably one of the first asks i’ve gotten and started on but couldn’t properly finish until now (my siblings helped me a lot by giving me ideas) ! hope you enjoy (i have a surprise for you) ! the cutie with malleus is @evil-and-twisted‘s oc, astra ゜:(つд⊂):゜。i’m sorry i could only do four

leona kingscholar

You two only started dating recently and, though he knew that people probably heard about it from rumors, he wasn’t going to take any chances.

He has told you time and time again not to try and visit him in his dorm, even going out of his way to make schedules with designated meeting areas just to appease you (and that’s a lot considering it’s him)

If you asked him why he insisted on keeping you away from Savanaclaw, he’d reply with, “It’ll be troublesome.” or anything along the lines. This always seemed to make you mad though he brushes it off as ‘hot air’.

He should’ve figured that you’d get tired of being told to stay away and that one day, you’ll actually decide to show up in his dorm regardless of how much he has told you not to.

He was napping when you came by. Ruggie had to pull him out of bed just to get him up.

“Ruggie you damn basta-”

“Leona! Quick, Y/N is in trouble!”

His eyes widened in surprise. “What?” he jumps to his feet and, while Ruggie was trying to explain to him what happened, he hears you squeal. He rushes over to his balcony and looks out to see you being ganged up on by a couple of his dorm members just outside.

“You’re going to pay for entering our territory, girly!” one of them shouts, making you back away slowly with hands raised.

This idiot, he mentally groans. “Ruggie, I get that you wanted to tell me about this but why the hell didn’t you try to help her first?” Ruggie only shrugs at this, snickering. Leona shakes his head at him before jumping out of his window and landing in front of you and his fellow dorm members. “Stop,” he says as you all pause and stare at him wide-eyed. “Dorm Leader Leona!” As he was being enthusiastically greeted by his dorm members, he looks at you and checks to see if you’ve managed to get yourself hurt. When he finishes and concludes that there was nothing broken or scratched, he casually puts an arm around you and glares at his dorm members.

“Run along, all of you, or be prepared to face the consequences,”

There was a lot of protesting, so much that Leona almost regrets trying to listen to any of them, but finally, Ruggie appears to help out and they all disperse, leaving you alone with Leona. “I told you not to come here,” Leona says, as one hand covers the yawn that escapes his mouth after while the other intertwines itself with yours. “Hey, I could’ve taken them on!” you said with a confidence that makes him laugh.

“Come on, let’s take a nap together,”

vil schoenheit

You two were a well known couple, especially since Vil was a famous celebrity/model.

Though mostly supportive, there were still a handful of his fans that weren’t alright with you and him dating; nitpicking at every possible thing they saw wrong with you, him and your relationship with him: “You’re just using him to gain fame!” “He could do better.” “You’re not even that pretty!” “He doesn’t even care about what his fans think!” “You don’t even care about his work!”

If it bothered you or not, Vil would always be there to reassure you and keep you away from all the nasty people that “have nothing else to do besides hate on you or him”. He’ll protect you.

It was late in the afternoon, classes were over and he was coming over to your classroom to pick you up, when he saw you being surrounded by a group of his fans from school.

You were putting on a good front, though it was obvious enough with your troubled eyes that you wanted nothing more than to leave. “What an ugly sight,” his silky voice echoes all throughout the room, making you all turn to him in surprise. He walks over to you and places himself firmly between you and the group. “I’m sorry I made you wait, darling,” he says as he brushes the hair on your face to the back of your ear and checks to see if you were alright. He pauses when he sees your face shift; you were on the verge of tears.

Slowly, as if he was letting the anger build up inside him, he turns to the group of fans and smiles bitterly. “If I ever see any of you around her again,” he glares at each one, letting the threat sink in before continuing, “-well, let’s just say that it won’t be pretty for you, or for me.”

When he finishes, he turns back to you with a bright smile then places a hand on your back. Not even bothering to be polite enough to say goodbye, he guides you out of there and brings you back to his dorm to calm you down and let you rest.

malleus draconia

He was used to people talking about him in hushed voices.

Normally he wouldn’t care about what people talked about him behind his back and would leave the people to their gossip.

But you would always tell him about what you hear, all angered and frustrated at what the rumors had to say about him as if you were the one being talked about. “I’m your girlfriend,” you’d say in defense to this, pouting as if that would explain everything and he’d chuckle at your strange reasoning and kiss you on the top of your head, replying, “Ah yes, you most definitely are, aren’t you,”

He was heading over to the cafeteria to eat with you when he heard you yell in protest.

“That’s not true!” you exclaimed from across the room while slamming your hands on a cafeteria table where a group of students were chuckling about something. One of the students got up and sized you up, smirking, “Hm?”

“Stop spreading lies about Malleus!” you said, “You don’t even know who he is or at least tried to get to know him!” you looked up at the student, eyes flared and determined. He finds this amusing, seeing you defend him so he lets it play out for a while until the student raises their fist in the air and throws it back, as if readying to hit you— their fist never reaches you.

Instantaneously, he appears beside you and catches their fist “W-What the hell?” they stammered out as he looks down on them while tiny specks of green dust shimmer and fade all around him.

There was no need for words; Malleus’ eyes curled menacingly at the student as his hands protectively circle around you. The student apologizes on the spot and though he’d want nothing more than to make them regret ever thinking of trying to hurt you, he needed to get you away.

azul ashengrotto

He always had someone tailing you (usually Floyd or Jade) just in case you got into any sort of trouble.

“Just a safety precaution.” he said in a casual tone with hands raised, as if it was something that you shouldn’t bother yourself with when you brought it up to him.

At first it creeped you out; you’d constantly tell him that it wasn’t necessary and that you were perfectly capable of handling yourself,

But as time went on, you hadn’t really minded it as much as you used to, seeing this as one of his weird ways of showing how much he cares for you, though you did scold him for being “overly paranoid” and told him to not to overwork/ tire the people watching over you too much.

It happened when you were walking back to your dorm from school. Jade had informed him that a group of students he recognized were people who ended up not meeting contract requirements and had to give up some valuables to Azul in order to compensate, were quietly following you since you came out of your last class.

“That wicked bastard thinks he’s slick,” one of them says as they corner you into a wall, “I wonder what his face will look like when he realizes that he couldn’t protect his precious little girlfriend.” The others erupt in laughter as they slowly step closer and closer to you with smirks and fists raised, as if savouring the moment. Their enjoyment, however, is short-lived.

Hands suddenly pull away the one who was cornering you and, before you could even register what had happened, a hand tugs you out of where you were from the wall and onto a warm chest. “Unfortunately for you all,” Azul says, smiling smugly at the students who were now being played with by Floyd and Jade, “I don’t think you’ll have the chance to even see it.”

“Azul?” you call out to him, surprised.

His smile shifts into a more at ease and relieved one when he looks at you. “Still think I’m overly paranoid?” he asks. Seeing the light in his eyes, you laugh and reply, “Indubitably,”

After the incident, he made sure to add to every new contract that if a client, by any means, tries to hurt you, their magic and the rest of their possessions are automatically surrendered to Azul.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #vil schoenheit #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto

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crimsonthehobo · 3 years

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Battle Scars - (1/?)

[A/N:] Haven’t been on this account in months, am quite sleep-deprived and I haven’t eaten breakfast yet. Well, lunch now apparently. So before I lose the minimal courage I got, I’ll just drop this off here and hope it works! Don’t know when I might write the next part, might even not. Who knows. Mind’s wonky. This has been in my files for a long while, wrote it back when Guy Sebastian’s song Battle Scars got stuck in my head. Figured I might as well let it stop collecting dust. Also, considering I’ve never done this before, I don’t know how to properly tag.

If there’s tags I should put, ESPECIALLY if they’re tw tags, please do tell me. [Summary:] The child of a general, the only survivor of a (frankly) unethical experiment, and the old college roommate of one Alexandra Danvers. Somehow all three of those things correlate with one another, not that you can remember at this point. You just want to live in the forest, forgetting the reasons for the scars that litter your body. [Warning(s):] Reader’s thoughts get... dark. Somewhat. More depressing, I think. Some people horrifically mutate too, so there’s that. Again, if there should be warnings in the tags or here that I should put but didn’t, do tell me. What else... uh, this is approximately 11k words long? Maybe that deserves a warning all to itself. Is there a tag that explains “possibly turns you into a modern-day cave person living in forests to steal from humans and wrestle bears”? Possibly a spoiler, but hey, at least it means you read warnings, so congrats!

The first time you felt like you’d failed, was when you had to leave the first love of your life. It was the only scar that had no physical counterpart, but you’d felt the mind-numbing pain, nonetheless.

“You watch yourself, alright? I won’t be around to keep your head screwed on for you!”

“Yeah, yeah…”

You rolled your eyes, pointedly keeping your focus on shoving the remaining belongings you had into your duffle. You didn’t look at her. You couldn’t. You knew if you did, you’d break.

Silence fell over the room at your half-hearted response, the lack of noise almost making you regret not saying anything more in reply. And then…

“Do… Do you really have to go?”

‘Damn it.’

Alex’s words were shaky, barely louder than a whisper. The strained tinge in her voice urged you to look up from zipping up your bag, glancing over at the source.

Seated on your bed with her legs over the side, she sat hunched over as one of her legs anxiously shook up and down against the edge. Her hands were curled into fists between her knees, knuckles white as her forearms tensed from their placement on her thighs.

She looked so… small. Nervous. It wasn’t like her.

She was supposed to be Alex Danvers. A stubborn redhead that was tough-as-nails and was always up for drinking you under the table any day!

But you couldn’t blame her for not being herself. She was heartbroken, and so were you.

Though, it made you feel guilty that it was because of you that she looked so weak.

No, “weak” wasn’t the word.

Vulnerable…

Vulnerable seemed more fitting.

“I’m sorry.”

You looked away, but it didn’t last for long. You felt her tap your jaw; once, twice, then a third time. For you two, it was a universal sign that you needed to listen. That what would be said was important.

It was an action that would only take effect if done by the other, and no one else.

It could calm either of you from rage, or even help you fight the haze of drunkenness to be in some semblance of sober.

It was special. Meaningful.

Hence why your automatic reaction was to turn, to obey the silent request to face her.

“You’ll stay in touch, yeah?”

“…Yeah.”

Now you? You were weak. While the owner of your heart was devastated right in front of you, all you could offer for comfort was an unconvincing smile and a useless apology.

Her throat bobbed as she attempted to swallow back a sob, but the teary shine in her eyes gave her away.

Another surge of guilt struck your heart and made you avert your eyes elsewhere, anywhere, as long as they were not on her.

‘Look at what you’ve done.’

It was your fault. She didn’t even know why you were leaving so suddenly.

Your father had found out of your attraction to her, and needless to say, he didn’t take it lightly. A few strings pulled later, and you were being sent away to be “straightened out.” The thought almost made scoff during that particular conversation in his study, but you accepted the consequences anyway.

You should’ve been better.

You should’ve done better.

You didn’t protect her well enough.

The fault was none but yours… and the knife you felt in your heart would remind you for a long while to come.

~~~

The second time you felt like you’d failed, happened two years after that moment in your college dorm room.

It took months for that scar to start to heal, but you knew it would take years before it would even begin to fade.

You’d tried to keep in contact, but you had your life to live and so did she. Not to mention the day your father heard of the two of you still communicating, he pulled more strings to cut you off. It was too late, anyway. You’d already stopped talking by then.

But whether the silence was for the better or worse was up for debate.

Just the thought of her made your heart lurch, and actually interacting with her never failed to re-open that scar anew. The space, however agonizing, let the wound heal.

Yet that very same space was what let you drown yourself into your current occupation. In order to compensate for the agony, you let yourself fall deeper and deeper into your work. Though at this point, you were questioning if you should even call it that.

Unknown to her, a month into your time in the military, a general offered you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

You found it hard to believe. You weren’t stupid, you could read between the lines. You knew “opportunity” also meant “ulterior motive.”

He didn’t prove you wrong.

When you walked into the conference room you’d been instructed to enter, your eyes immediately fell to the only individual inside.

General Lane.

You knew three things about him. One, he had been your father’s best friend. Two, he had a palpable dislike for any and all alien life. Specifically, Superman. Three, whenever he began to rant, just smile, and nod.

It was only the two of you there, yet you couldn’t seem to find it in you to focus. Not after he uttered the words “military program.”

You already knew this wouldn’t end well.

Though you remained silent, your eyes having glazed over as the static in your ears prevented his words from reaching your brain, he continued to speak. You only managed to catch bits and pieces, but you got the gist.

They wanted to conduct an experiment and were looking for lab rats. They wanted you to be one.

You weren’t surprised they asked. To everyone else’s knowledge, you had no one left in your life but you. Your father made sure any links between you and Alex were cleanly severed, meaning any history between you two had been cleared. You had no family other than your parents, your mother having passed while you were still in your single digits, while your father had done the same just a week before this very meeting.

‘Tch… no love lost there.’

But, considering he was a respected figure and a close friend of the very same general right in front of you, you had to at least act as if his death affected you. Your father had always been one for appearances, so no one outside of the two of you (and Alex) knew just how estranged you’d been from the other. Because of this, luckily (or unluckily, depending on what way you view it), people took your indifferent poker face to be one of grief.

General Lane wanted to capitalize on that. On you.

You had military blood in you (because apparently that meant you were exactly like your father), you had a “reason” to go missing (grief, hah), and—as far as he was concerned—you had no close relations that would worry should you ever disappear (you… couldn’t really think of a quip to internalize there). You seemed like the perfect guinea pig.

“…We need heroes around here. Human heroes. Not those monsters who could fall to their instincts at the drop of a hat, or at the touch of some space rock—”

Again, it came with no surprise to you that extra-terrestrials were the main focus of said experiment.

You wanted to say no. Fuck, did you want to say no. You wanted no part in this blind hatred. But then…

“—They’re never here when we actually need them. A group of freaks like him are planning to go after National City to lure him out, and where is Superman? Frolicking off in space! The President had an entire clandestine organization made exactly for roach-connected situations like this, yet they don’t even know—”

Your blood ran cold, your hearing suddenly becoming clear as your eyes bore into his.

National City.

Of all the places, they had to go there. You didn’t give it a second thought. You didn’t have to.

“I’ll do it.”

You had no idea what CADMUS was, just that they were collaborating with the U.S. Military to make you and forty-nine others into the ones that would “exterminate the roaches infesting the planet.”

Sounded more like “short-sighted discrimination with an unhealthy dash of xenophobia” than “rational thought for the human race” to you; but as long as you could protect Alex, you didn’t care how much of the mindless drivel you had to sit through.

You didn’t count how many times you found yourself strapped to a metal bed, or how many times you found a needle being stuck into you. Rather, you couldn’t. More than half the time, whatever they put into your bloodstream always made you feel woozy. Enough to make you practically perpetually confused.

Any recollection of your experiences during the experimentation were impossible to stir, and after seeing that one woman’s all-too-amused smirk a few too many times, you were convinced that it had been on purpose.

Before you knew it, another month had passed. Not that you would’ve realized it yourself. Your best guess would’ve been a week, if it weren’t for the woman General Lane had assigned to you telling you otherwise.

She was about your age, maybe a month or so younger. Lucia was her name if you remembered correctly. She’d been left by him to keep an eye on you, or to “keep you sane” as she worded so eloquently.

She was the first person you saw the moment you could properly think again. Her calming presence was a breath of fresh air, and for a moment, everything felt… nice.

Until a soldier barged through the door of your allocated resting area, screaming about an attack.

Time seemed to blur once again, and the next thing you knew, you were in the middle of a war zone. A mile or two from some desert base in the middle of nowhere.

Only you and the rest of the fifty who had been volunteered for the Eradication Program had been deployed. You wished you hadn’t been. The others were bloodthirsty, tearing through the opposition the moment they were ordered to. You, however, chose to take a step back and analyse the enemy.

Most of the “opposing force” looked to be human, not alien. None of them seemed hostile, either. Well… until they were provoked, that is. The human-like members of their group—who you’re sure actually were human—were being protected by their definitely-alien comrades, clearly not trained for combat or any attack whatsoever. In fact, if their attire was anything to go by, they all worked in what could be considered “support” occupations. Engineers, researchers, varying members of medical staff… not one of them appeared to be soldiers.

What was General Lane not telling you?

Were you really protecting National City?

…Were you even in National City?

You felt your comms crackle in your ears, said general’s voice screeching, “What the HELL are you doing?! Move your ass, Six!”

Right. Soldier Six, your call sign. Simply because you were the sixth one to wake up.

How original.

You huffed, and in retaliation to the general’s orders, you tore the device out of your ear and threw it as far as you could over your shoulder.

Because frankly, you didn’t want to. Not when you’d been pit against wrongly identified “hostiles.”

Despite your stubbornness to keep your feet rooted to your spot, soon enough, you didn’t have the privilege of choosing to abstain.

The other “volunteers”—all forty-nine of them—began to stop and convulse. Their flesh rippled beneath their skin, muscles expanding and contracting in an obscene manner.

Something had gone wrong. Horribly wrong.

Each and every one of them mutated appallingly right before your very eyes, all of them attaining a different level of horrendous to another. Some grew limbs, some lost them. Others had extra eyes while a handful had one left or none at all. A few had their nails elongate into claws, others had a tailbone that whipped its way through the air. More than half had lost the colours of their irises—no, not just the colour. The pupils and irises themselves disappeared completely. It was a horrific spectacle to behold.

To call these things a shell of their former selves, would be insulting to the humans they used to be.

Was this going to happen to you?

You didn’t have much time for your thoughts. The one thing that didn’t change was the sheer amount of bloodthirst coursing through their veins. With the supposedly villainous aliens already exhausted, they wouldn’t last a second round against the other volunteer—

‘…No,’ You shook your head, fists clenched tight, ‘Those aren’t the volunteers anymore.’

From what you could see, those men and women died the moment the experiments started. All you could do for them, was help them rest in peace.

And you doubt they’d be getting any rest with their bodies wreaking havoc as these beasts.

Using the enhanced abilities you shared with the monstrosities, you slowly but surely took them out one by one.

They fought like animals.

Yet no matter how many times they slashed at your body, no matter how many times they lunged for your head, nor how many times they made you bleed, you continued to end every single one of them. You didn’t want any of them to suffer longer than they already have.

As with most things nowadays, in your eyes, the details were nothing but a blur. Everything felt… vague. Flashes of claws, bones, and agonizing pain run through your mind, yet no instance remained distinct for more than a second.

…Was this a symptom? Of the experiment, or the transformation?

Fear of the truth made you falter, and a skeletal tail surging straight through your right thigh forced your focus to return. But then so too would the questions, along with the subsequent terror, until another wound started the cycle another time. Again and again, until after what felt like an eternity, the last of them finally fell with an inhuman screech. It was done. But at what cost?

You surveyed your battleground, heart heavy and clenched in an icy grip. You couldn’t protect them, save them. Any of them.

A mighty hack then reverberated through the painfully silent air and caused you to flinch. Your head snapped up to turn to its direction, your feet already making their way over. You’d thoughtlessly skidded onto your knees, the coin-flip reaction bringing you to the survivor’s side. It was an alien.

Your eyes were wide in alarm, hands flittering around as your mind buzzed at what to do. There were so many injuries. Far too many for him to survive, alien or no. Your eyes met his, and your breath hitched in surprise. His irises didn’t scream anger or disgust like you expected. Instead, they were shining in wonder so innocent, it was almost childlike.

“You… Your body… did not… revolt?” the dying male grinned, placing a hand in yours to grip it in glee, “M-Miracle! It… I-It is m-miracle!”

For a moment, you were confused. Until you followed his gaze and watched as your body slowly stitched itself back together. One shallow cut in particular caught your attention, the damage slowly disappearing before your very eyes, leaving not a single blemish on your skin. You’d been so focused on fighting, that you didn’t even stop and wonder how you were still alive. After this day, there may not even be a single scar found.

At another bloody cough, newfound healing abilities were far from the forefront of your mind. Your vision blurred with tears, a sob escaping without your control. It was your fault. It was all your fault.

“Sorry…” You hadn’t spoken in so long, your voice harsh and throat sore, “I- I’m so sorry.”

He weakly shook his head, “B-Blame… not… on y-you. Deceived. We… We all… were…”

“W-What?”

With a wince, he forced his other arm to point to one of his fallen allies, a human researcher about a meter or so north of you.

“Necklace… take…” the light in his eyes was beginning to die, you could see it and he could feel it. Forcing a shaky smile, he murmured in his broken English, “Promise… y-you… not feel… guilty?”

“I…”

You knew you’d feel guilty.

You should, shouldn’t you? This was all your fault! You were careless and made a mistake once again. You didn’t see through the veil, you weren’t smart enough. You couldn’t stop the others, you weren’t quick enough.

You weren’t enough.

And just like before, people suffered because of it.

But… although he was on his last seconds of life, he looked at you so brightly. He was still so hopeful. How could you break such a wonderous being in his last moments?

You shook your head ‘no,’ lying, knowing this would be a wound that would last a long time to come. From the huff he gave, you felt like he knew that too.

Nonetheless, he coughed out, “P-Promise?”

You swallowed, feeling a fresh wave of hot tears cascading down your cheeks. With another lurch from your heavy heart, you gave him a nod and a shaky smile of your own, “I promise.”

His smile grew a fraction wider, “P… Pro… mise…”

His last breath left him, leaving the hand still in yours to fall, limp.

You were wrong earlier, there was a scar left behind.

The laceration you’d received from foolishly grabbing onto a tail, the one injury that had been obscured from your sight by his hold, had left a mark. You knew what it would be. A memento, of another time you’d failed. Of the first time your naivety took the life of another. You let a sob escape your control.

And another…

For hours you stayed on the blood-soaked sand, the coarse particles dyed red with the proof of the violent loss of life. By the time you heard a chopper land meters away to analyse the aftermath, your tears had long since dried and the last remnants of your rampant emotions were now trapped deep within, leaving only your now-signature emotionless mask. Thankfully, they understood enough that your mind was stuck elsewhere and didn’t bother to get a mission report out of you.

They did, however, cheer at the averted “crisis.”

All except Lucia. It was a small comfort, but a comfort, nonetheless. Rather than cheering, she sat next to you, a consoling hand on your shoulder as she murmured apologies for wrongs not her own.

For a brief moment, you wondered why she was here. What her role was in all of this mess, how she got caught up in it…

But when the others’ voices drowned out Lucia’s and all you could hear was their excitement and joy, your thoughts were immediately overrun by pure rage. Your stare morphed into a glare as your eyes kept themselves glued to the carnage below, hand clutching the unseen necklace concealed by your dog tags.

You were the only one who survived.

You were the only success.

You were now a monster.

~~~

It was two years later after that, that the third occurrence happened.

Although you held a great amount of distrust for the U.S. Military, you never left their command. Foolishly, you stayed and did whatever they said. You went to where they told you you’d been needed. You fought who they told you to fight. You killed who they told you to kill.

All because of your own fear.

What if you were already transforming? What if your body was just one second away from fighting whatever gave you your powers? What if, the moment you left… you went berserk?

One “what if” after another festered in your mind, leading to you to forcibly suppress your own self and play their perfect little soldier, if only to keep your own body at bay should it ever run amok.

After all, they created you. The only ones who would know how to stop you would be them, right?

Besides, what would you even do once you left? They’d written the end of your life for you the moment you agreed to be a lab experiment.

Who would you have turned to?

Alex?

You scoffed at the thought. You said “yes” to help protect her, not drag her into the damn problem.

For a year and a half, you’d justified your stay with those thoughts, and for more than half of that time you let yourself be used as a mere weapon. It took you a year until you accepted the truth of your situation, and it wasn’t until roughly three months prior to your third failure that you finally let yourself see reason.

You sat up on your bunk, eyes on your hands, staring at blood that none but you could see. Sweat dripped from your brow, faint screams echoing in your eardrums, audible just beneath the vigorous beating of your heart.

‘I can’t keep this up…’ You released a shuddering breath, ‘How long will I have to keep this up?!’

Ever since that day in the desert, your nights were never peaceful, your sleep never serene. You’d long since gotten used to the endless screams of terror, the unending stream of unfamiliar faces contorting in woe. But what you hadn’t prepared for—what you never thought you’d ever need to prepare for—was for those faces to suddenly become familiar.

Alex had been petrified, the alien terrified, and Lucia… Lucia lay on the bloodied, black dirt, prone. Her face perpetually mortified. Even after you lurched forward in your bed and had left the realm of dreams, their suffering still danced in the shadows of your surroundings, the remnants of their frightened faces flashing in your eyes like some ghastly slideshow.

Their misery was because of you. You’d stumbled too deep into the haze, and by the time you came out, you had become what you feared the most. The cause of their torment.

‘What am I doing with my life?’

It was on that night that you truly accepted the reality of your situation. You had let your mind wander and, without realizing, let yourself function on autopilot for too long. It wasn’t until now, on this night—when you were terrorized by their screams—that you accepted that fact. But you felt it was already too late.

By mindlessly putting your life on the line, you had saved hundreds of lives—or so you were told. Yet for every life you saved, you knew there had been at least one you’d taken in return.

Your comrades rejoiced at your feats, and even a few of the higher-ups praised your work.

And yet…

Why did you feel nothing? Why did you feel out of place?

Why did you feel like you were doing something you weren’t meant to?

You’d been confused, very much so. For over a year, in fact. Your body felt ironically alien. Different. As if you’d been sleepwalking the past two years. Your memories, too, felt foreign. They were more like dreams than anything else.

No… “dream” was far too nice of a word.

Nightmare—like vulnerable—seemed more fitting.

Your recollection of the past two years was a mess. There were only a handful of distinct memories you could recall, and all were of them. Alex… the alien… and Lucia. The rest were all a hazy blur, a fever dream that kept you jumping from one horrific scene to another.

You didn’t even know who you’d been fighting the entire time. No one ever gave you a clear picture, only stating where you were needed and what had to be done. You vaguely remember a mix of terrified faces, both alien and human. What did they even do wrong?

Did they even do wrong?

It was then that reality truly sunk in. You already knew that you were a weapon, one for them to use however and whenever they saw fit. What was hardest to swallow was the fact that the blood you’d let yourself spill—blood you could’ve chosen not to spill—could very well have been those of innocents.

You buried your face into your knees, fingers threading through your hair and gripping your pounding skull. You felt your nails dig into your scalp.

Luckily for your tattered mental state, Lucia had been there to help anchor you back to reality.

She murmured lowly as she gently pried your fingers from your head, and though her words went through one ear and out the other, her voice alone soothed you. You found that she knew exactly what to do, and even let you bury your face into her shoulder as she cooed at you softly, her hands tenderly drawing calming patterns on your back.

You’d been so happy that she was there. It wasn’t until hours later, after both of you had passed out in emotional exhaustion, that you woke up and realized that she had always been there. You’d just been too stuck in your own mind to see her.

When she woke up, her eyes meeting yours, neither of you spoke a word. Yet you both knew your dynamic had shifted, the air between you different. It simply went unsaid.

It didn’t go unseen, however. Everyone knew how dangerous you were, and after a rookie’s idiotic mistake, knew how equally dangerous it was to make Lucia unhappy in any way.

(His shoulder wouldn’t shove into others the same way again, nor would his ego inflate with the chasm you’d left.)

Stupidly, despite the revelations of that night—perhaps even because of said revelations—you continued living under the government’s employ.

In your mind, it was no longer just for your fear, it was also for her sake. If you left, you knew she would do whatever it took to stay by your side, regardless of the danger. Even if you were to be hunted, experimented, or executed, she would stay. And none of those fates were any you would allow to befall her.

No matter the gruesome sights that looped in your mind like a film at some grisly theatre, you jumped into the fray again, and again, and again. Still as reckless. Still as unrelenting. Still as guilty.

Not a single complaint ever left your lips. You felt you deserved it. But more importantly, you felt you were protecting her.

She didn’t agree.

The topic had been the spark of many arguments between the two of you, one such case being…

“You can’t keep doing this—you can’t keep living like this!”

‘Tell me something I don’t know.’

You stayed silent, sat on your bed in your designated quarters. Your eyes were trained on her pacing form as you fiddled with the fresh bandages on your arms, replies only said in mind.

At this point, this scene was common. You’d gotten injured, she’d gotten frustrated, and you had the decency to listen. You knew Lucia wasn’t mad at you. Annoyed? Maybe. But not mad. Her anger was always directed at the same people, and never to you. She just hated to see you hurt.

‘Unfortunately, it’s an occupational haza—'

“—And don’t you say it’s an occupational hazard!”

Or… not?

Lucia stopped in her tracks, eyes boring into your own, “There are always ways to complete your missions without you ending up a bloody mess, but they don’t care about that, do they? As long as the mission is completed as soon as possible, they don’t give a damn. What if you never healed? What if you actually found something that would actually get you killed?”

You had no response for that.

“They don’t even know of the full extent of your powers—none of us do! They started sending you out the day after that desert! Yet here we are again… I don’t understand why we don’t just leave.”

You opened your mouth to speak for the first time, to remind her of the dangers of such a plan just as you always had in the past, when you felt your hairs stand on end. Someone was eavesdropping. Your glare flashed to the door, spotting an eye widen at your stare before rushing off. You’d rush after them, but you knew nothing could be done without arousing suspicion. This base was full soldiers, and thus witnesses. Unfortunately, it was also full of snitches.

You stood abruptly, causing Lucia to jerk in surprise. Her brow furrowed when she spotted the grim frown you now wore.

“We’re leaving. Now.”

She could only blink in shock, “Now?”

“Now.”

The conversation would’ve been seen as treason. Or, at best, the start of it. You needed to run.

She followed your unwavering stare to the door, the sight of its slight opening making the cogs in her mind connect the dots. Someone had heard, and were no doubt reporting you. Her shock melted into determination, “I’ve already got a bag of necessities packed in case of an emergency escape. Let’s go.”

Next thing you knew, you were both dashing through corridors, unfamiliar alarms blaring the moment you had retrieved her bag. It seemed she wasn’t the only one who had prepared for this eventuality.

Squad after squad were sent after you both, all made up of people you’d seen as comrades and allies not even an hour before. Any fondness you held for each of them, however, immediately dissipated the moment they aimed a gun even a meter in Lucia’s direction. With a growl, you tore through every single one of them, unabashed by their betrayed yells so long as her safety was assured.

But you’d made a mistake. You were focused too much on those aiming for her, that you forgot there were others targeting yourself. Lucia didn’t. Which is why she spotted the soldier pulling out a weapon from a case before you did.

It looked like a gun, but she knew it was different. She could feel that it was. When they overlooked her completely and aimed for you, she knew she was right. Without a second thought, she shoved you out of the way, just as the soldier pulled the trigger.

A bang echoed in your ears, then a pained scream and a thud.

Your heart dropped. She’d pushed you away. Because of her, the bullet only grazed your torso… before tearing straight through her own.

You fell to your knees, not sparing a glance away from Lucia even as you put a bullet straight through the head of the soldier responsible.

“You IDIOT! Why would you do that?! You know I would’ve survived it!”

Your eyes were panicked, breathing growing more erratic by the second as you attempted to staunch the blood flowing from her wound. There was so much blood… why was there so much blood?!

“No…” she shook her head, “You… You wouldn’t’ve. N-Not… Not this one.”

You could hear footsteps and voices growing closer. You ignored them.

“I always survive, it’s my THING!” You gritted your teeth, ignoring the tears leaving tracks down your cheeks, “Stop talking, would you?! You need all your damn energy!”

Lucia simply smiled, even as more of the coppery liquid slid down the side of her mouth, “Promise me… promise me you w-won’t blame yourself f-for this?”

Déjà vu. Taunting, agonizing, déjà vu.

“I… I…” more tears, and a sob. What ever happened to control? “…I can’t.”

Her smile didn’t waver, as if she expected your response. Instead, she lifted a hand to your cheek, thumb gently wiping a tear away, “I know what you’re thinking, and I know it’s hard f-for you t-to think otherwise, love… but this isn’t your fault. I chose to do this. Y-You couldn’t’ve done anything to stop me.”

“…” You shook your head in disbelief, feeling more blood seep through your fingers.

Why wouldn’t the bleeding stop?!

“C’mon, love. P-Please, look at me?”

“…”

You didn’t want to. You didn’t want to see her so accepting of her fate.

Yet you couldn’t help the confused furrow of your brows at her tapping your jaw, your focus immediately swivelling to her. Not on instinct, but in question, confusion, and slight betrayal. You’d never regretted telling her of your first love, of admitting that there were some things you could never forget. Until now.

“Th-There you are. I know it hurts, but you have t-to p-promise me, then you need to leave me.”

The familiar action had increased your pain tenfold, but her words had the panic in your eyes grow more intense, blood freezing in your veins.

‘No. NO. NononoNO—’ You looked away as you felt your body quake, the chill caused by her words making your limbs feel like lead, ‘Not you… anybody but you!’

You felt her tap your jaw again, but you didn’t look to her, preferring to stubbornly keep your eyes on your hands. You wouldn’t- You couldn’t.

“Please…” Lucia’s voice sounded so small, distant. Just like with the alien, you knew she was on her last breaths, and so did she, “L-Listen to me… they… now want you… gone. I-I know… it’s a lot to ask, but you have to leave me. Please. T-That bullet was meant f-for you—”

You couldn’t help but snap, “What bullet isn’t when I’m out on the field?!”

“N-No, love. T-They made it for you. T-To kill you…” she weakly shook her head, “I… I… s-saw it… wasn’t… normal.”

“Shit—SHIT! Why can’t I stop the god damn bleeding?!”

You hated that there were so many things that you couldn’t do. Why can’t you just do something—anything—right for once?!

As always, she knew where your mind was headed, “N-No matter… how little… y-you… think of yourself… I know y-you were meant… to be amazing. F-From the moment I… I saw you… I knew you’d be… a… a-a hero.”

“What kind of fucking hero can’t even save the person she loves?!” head hung low, you pulled your hands away from her wound, reluctantly accepting that it was futile, “What kind of useless hero am I?”

You wrapped an arm around her shoulders, the other draping itself across her stomach. You shifted yourself closer, cautiously embracing the dying woman. Apology after apology left your mouth, your tears dripped down from your cheeks only to mix with her own.

“It’s not… your… fau…” her hand, now much weaker than it had been earlier, fell limply onto the arm you’d placed on her stomach. When her fingers lightly squeezed your forearm, you knew what she expected. You released your grip on her hip, linking your hand with hers, making her chuckle faintly, “I-It… theirs… y-y’hear me? N-Never fo… forget… ‘s wasn’t… fault…”

“I… I won’t…”

You knew you’d never forget this day… just as how you’d never forget where the fault would forever lay in your mind.

“L… Love you…” her eyes were fluttering shut, and at the tug of her hand, you knew what she wanted.

You leaned closer, your lips pressing on hers for the final time. Only a second later did her last breath leave her lungs, and with it, one more piece of your fragile heart.

You could only stare, hoping that she would open her eyes and fill the deafening silence. But she didn’t, and you had to accept that she never would. When your mind finally opened itself to the rest of the world, you could hear the soldiers. Their orders for you to back down… or, more specifically, his.

General Lane.

When you saw a glimpse of his face, everything turned red and screams replaced the buzzing in your ears. You could never remember much past their anguish.

All you knew was the gash on your torso healed, but the mark never faded.

~~~

Six months passed, and sleep was still a stranger. So were your mind and memories, but what else was new?

You had no idea where you were, you never did more than half the time. More often than not, you’d find yourself lost in thought, staring off at nothing as your finger lightly traced the scar hidden beneath your shirt. Sometimes you’d snap out of it, standing in the middle of an unfamiliar area. Occasionally, you’d stop yourself mid-step as you were walking or crossing the street.

Either way, people would be staring at you like you were insane. You couldn’t blame them, you felt like you were. That was fine, you never stayed in one area for long anyway.

For the past couple of months you’d been hopping from place to place, lingering only for three days at most. You didn’t have to do much to conceal your identity, considering the government already got rid of it for you. You did get yourself a new name, though.

Corazon.

Wasn’t exactly subtle to you, but it was better than Soldier Six and at least you could remember it.

How could you not, when your mistakes were always made by your soft heart?

You only wished that you had the ability to rid yourself of your emotions, then at least living would be somewhat bearable. You hated that even the smallest things could trigger your beating heart. It could’ve been a hair colour, a laugh, or just an oblivious pair holding hands, your heart wouldn’t fail to work with your fractured memories and remind you of what you’d lost.

You wished you could split the two, or at least rid yourself of one… maybe even both. You couldn’t think without feeling, nor feel without thinking. If you had no way to feel, no way to have a conscious thought, or both, then living a seemingly deathless life would be bearable. Sure, that sort of life isn’t one others would say is worth living, but neither is the one you are now.

The only thing keeping you away from finding a way to have that ‘plan’ to come into fruition, was the fact that—as far as you know—only the government could ‘help.’

You never wanted to make contact with those bastards again.

“Wha- HEY!”

At the indignant yell, you blinked yourself out of your stupor. Confused, you looked around.

You’d wandered into an alley. Huh.

Hearing a groan, you glanced down, spotting a boy who couldn’t’ve been any older than mid-teens. He was sat on the concrete, rubbing his forehead, having presumably fallen after colliding with you.

Then, you heard yelling.

You looked up and saw a group of men pointing and yelling unintelligibly at the boy at your feet. He sprang up and made a move to exit, only for your hand on his shoulder to stop him in his tracks. You felt his eyes on you, but yours never left the group stomping closer as they brandished their makeshift weapons in a supposedly threatening manner.

Hammers, nails in bats, metal pipes… generic, stereotypical, bad guy weapons. You saw a gun or two poking out from the waistbands of their pants, yet you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

When they stopped in front of you, they even puffed out their chests to make themselves look bigger. One of them stepped forward and grumbled with a voice made forcibly gruff, “You with this brat?”

“Pff,” You only shook your head in mirth. You’d heard of people like this in movies, but you never knew they actually existed.

His lips curled up into a snarl, “What’s so funny.”

“…” You smiled, tilted your head in faux innocence, and admitted clearly, “You.”

Predictably, your response infuriated him, and he launched himself towards you to attack.

Within a minute, him and his group were all unconscious, weapons—including their guns—left splintered and bent on the damp ground.

You grumbled, “Idiots.”

With another roll of your eyes, you spun on your heels and moved to leave the scene… only to face an overexcited fourteen-year-old.

“That was AWESOME!”

“!”

You blinked. You’d forgotten he was there. You watched, an eyebrow raised as he asked question after question, each going through one ear and out the other. Your mind didn’t register a single one, but from the rapid rate the words seemed to leave his lips, the number seemed endless.

Didn’t he need to breathe?

It was here that the boy lurched to a stop, his lungs lacking the air required to allow speech. You only blinked when he took in just a little too much oxygen. His overdramatic wheezing caused you to smirk and huff in mild amusement. His eyes darted to you at the noise, focusing on your mirth as he smacked a fist against his chest in an effort to abate his hacking.

“You…” he coughed again, “You don’t talk much, do you?”

You only offered a shrug in response. Considering past experience, human interaction wasn’t something you necessarily searched for. Generally, they all ended up morphing into some form of confrontation for you—or loss, but that was a thought hurriedly buried in the deepest recesses of your mind.

The boy wasn’t deterred by your silence. Instead, he seemed even more determined to fill the space with his own words. Again, most of them generally went through one ear and out the other.

“—I’m Lucas!”

Wait. Why was the kid telling you their name?

You still didn’t reply, but ‘Lucas’ didn’t seem fazed and continued, saying, “My friends call me Luke, though!”

He then scratched his head sheepishly, “Well… they would, if I had any.”

Head tilted in a questioning manner, your brow furrowed at his admission, movements that he managed to notice.

“Ah… well, nobody ever wants to be friends with the weird kid.”

You raised your eyebrow, and he pointed to the unconscious group at your feet as an explanation.

“Wouldn’t be the first time these guys went after me, and they don’t care whether I’m at school or not,” Lucas kicked away a stray can, giving the men an annoyed sneer, “Just that Dad ‘pays them back’ or something, I dunno. No one really wants to be caught up in a mess like this.”

You’d followed his gaze, staring at the people sprawled out on the dirty floor.

What were these guys, self-proclaimed tax collectors? Loan sharks? Wannabe gang members?

That last one seems to fit them to a T.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the loud growling of a stomach. And it wasn’t yours.

Shaking your head, you glanced back at Lucas, his face red in embarrassment. Without hesitation, you rooted through the pockets of a few of the men, forgoing their cards and instead pulled out handfuls of cash from their wallets.

You may already be considered a criminal by the U.S. Army, but you didn’t want more on your record than you already had. And you had standards.

You’d rather have “assault” and “pickpocketing” on that record over “not paying for fast food” any day. That last one just seems like a real shitty thing to be arrested over. Besides, you’d never steal from ordinary civilians… but you’d make exceptions for assholes.

You moved to leave the alley again, tousling Lucas’ hair as you went past. When you didn’t hear his footsteps following, you stopped at the entrance, sending another glance back towards his way you huffed at his stupefied expression before jerking your head in a gesture to follow. You couldn’t help but smile at his joyful expression, biting back a chuckle at his excited hopping at your side.

“Nice to meet you, Luke.”

Six more months passed, and after meeting Lucas, you haven’t left the town. You’d found out that he’d essentially raised himself. The kid’s mother was gone, and he didn’t know why. You met his father, and after that one meeting you knew he was useless. His debts weren’t even for necessities, just for his alcohol and gambling. Guy didn’t even seem to care that his son was the one suffering most from the consequences of his actions.

You were annoyed, but after witnessing him passed out in a bathtub, reaching over the edge to clutch at a toilet while a bottle of whiskey hung from his fingers, you knew he was a lost cause. Lucas knew it, too. Admitted that he’d known so for years.

You felt bad for the kid and did what you could to help. You kept those lackeys off his back. Got him clothes, food, school supplies if he needed them. You didn’t tell him where you got the money and he never asked, but considering how you’d initially met you assume he had a slight idea. You still didn’t talk much, and your attention span failed you at times, but he understood. He knew that you were at least trying.

At times he’d ask you for help with his homework, and you were convinced it caused you just as much grief as it did him. You could barely remember what happened months or a year before, let alone what you’d learnt over a decade ago.

You were a weapon, not a teacher. You could teach him how to kick ass with the best of them, but you didn’t know shit about literature or geography. Or whatever it was high schoolers learnt these days.

Even when you were working with the government, you didn’t have to know how to get around yourself. They just shipped you to the mission location and back, and that was that. You didn’t even know you got around now, considering how most of your time on the road was spent in your head.

You swear he only asked you to laugh at you. You’d try to intimidate him with a deadpan stare, but that only made the cheeky brat laugh louder. Your exasperation would fizzle out soon enough, his joy infectious. You found yourself feeling… happy. Normal. Like an average human. Something you never thought would be a near-unreachable standard.

But of course, as always, happiness in your life never lasted long.

You’d stopped moving. You stayed in one place for too long.

You’d focused too much on the present, that you forgot about the past you’d been running to escape. And so, it caught up.

You were running again. They were at your heels, this time. And you couldn’t just beat them into the ground.

Their weapons looked different. Their bullets hurt.

You didn’t want to believe that this was happening. Just this morning you’d been laughing with Lucas, pancake batter and syrup drizzled over your heads.

Now all you could hear were shouts and gunfire, blood dripping down a healing cut at your temple.

You wanted them to lose your tracks, but you knew how they worked. If you disappeared completely, they’d have to look for clues. Which would lead them to Lucas. Which was why you were leading them, herding them away like sheep to be as far away from the kid as possible. But it was not meant to be.

“Sis!”

The voice made electricity shoot up your spine, catching more than just your attention. You noticed a few soldiers turn to look his way as he ran towards you, even as you shook your head and urged him to turn back. He wouldn’t. You were family, how could he leave you behind?

“LUKE, RUN!”

…Was that your voice? Sometimes you’d forget what your voice sounded like, and not using it for weeks at a time definitely didn’t help your case.

He skidded meters away, eyeing the soldiers, his face conflicted, “But—”

You heard the crackling of their comms and spotted a few guns being pointed his way, one of them even pulled out a pin.

What the fuck was General Lane thinking?!

The kid was a civilian, not a criminal!

You sprinted over to Lucas, body shielding his within a second. You felt bullets pierce your back, easily tearing through the fabric of your clothing. You heard Lucas yelling for them to stop, but you knew they wouldn’t listen. You heard the tell-tale clinking of a grenade rolling on the concrete and you tightened your grip around him, eyes screwed shut. You heard the bellowed orders “TAKE COVER” and then…

Pain.

Searing, white-hot, pain was spreading on your back. You felt shrapnel enter your torso, the heat eating away at your skin. You forced yourself to endure the agony.

You were protecting him.

You repeated those four words in your mind like a mantra, mind clinging to them for a way to ground itself.

When you felt the dust settling, the ringing in your ears calming, you dared to open your eyes. And you wish you didn’t.

Despite your best efforts, Lucas had been hit. Twice. The projectiles had presumably ricocheted. Whether it was shrapnel or bullets, you didn’t know. All you knew was that he was wounded, and that you’ve failed once again.

“No…” You rasped out, tears obscuring your vision. Your throat hurt from disuse, but you continued to force the words out, “No… kid, not you too!”

“Hah,” Lucas laughed, not noticing the blood that came with the motion, “I’m… I… I didn’t e-expect to go like this. P-Pretty badass, huh?”

His eyes were beginning to flutter closed, the light in his eyes quickly dulling. Your breath hitched in your throat, and gritting your teeth, you muttered, “No, no… c’mon, eyes on me bud. Eyes on me!”

His head weakly flopped to the side as he grinned, teeth stained with blood, “S’okay… was meant t-to be gone in… in… that alley. Y’saved me… y’let me be happy… thank you.”

Lucas went limp. Just like that, he was gone. And so were you.

You didn’t flinch when the wounds on your back slowly stitched themselves back together, no doubt leaving a mark as every failure always did.

You didn’t resist when they forcefully yanked you away, uncaring that they had just taken the life of an innocent. The life of a child.

You felt someone forcefully lift your head, to which you muttered, “Kill me. Please.”

You didn’t speak any more after that, no matter how much they tried to get a reaction.

No… you wouldn’t do anything until you were either dead, or put face-to-face with the bastard you knew gave the order.

And as expected, they put him right where you wanted him.

You were back at the base, arid desert and all.

They’d seated you in a metal chair, one bolted down to the thick concrete beneath your feet. Your arms were forced to lie flush against its armrests, wrists cuffed into place.

You were in one of the interrogation rooms, metal walls to the front, back and the left. You weren’t fooled. You knew the wall to the right was a one-sided window. To know that there were people just watching you…

You felt like an animal.

It was only after General Lane stood across from you, after the only door leading in and out of the room clicked shut, that you even twitched. Your attention finally drifted up from the flimsy metal cuffs that they’d clamped around your wrists—not that they knew your strength had grown—and to the poor excuse of a man attempting to stand tall.

You glared at him, unabashedly showing the hatred burning within you. It made him swallow, despite the poker face he attempted to keep up. Your silent staring contest stretched on and on, his mouth repeatedly opening and closing in indecision. He wanted to speak, but had no idea what to say.

The people behind the window had plenty of words, though. You couldn’t catch all of them, but you managed to decipher a muffled few.

“Dad” was one. Which meant one of the people might’ve been his kid. Wouldn’t be implausible. Last time you paid attention to him, he had two. Girls, if your memory actually served you correct. And two of the voices you could hear were distinctly feminine.

“Our” was another, spoken with a lilt for emphasis before “Dad”, which meant both of his kids were there. If your first assumption was correct.

“Superman” was the last one you heard. It was the word that caused you the most grief. Why mention the “Man of Steel”? You remembered hearing someone rant about the Kryptonian, mentioning a possible relation between the hero and a journalist. One of General Lane’s kids was a journalist. That could pose a problem. If his kids really were on the other side of the glass, and Lucas’ info—

‘Luke.’

Any hesitation you had dissipated instantly. No matter what would become of you, you’d make this bastard pay. It was the least you could do.

Breaking away from the General’s stare, your eyes flashed to the window, cogs turning in your mind. Perhaps you could do worse than cause simple, physical, pain. You could expose him, have his children lose their faith in him. Even if they weren’t his children, they would be his soldiers. It could lead to questioning of his authority.

It was worth a shot. Besides, what did you have to lose?

“You killed him,” you snarled, “He was just a boy, but you killed him.”

You shot up from your seat. Rather, you shot up with your seat. The cuffs were still in place, but the bolts that held the seat down had lost their hold with a resounding crack.

General Lane jumped back in shock, the doorknob now jiggling as his soldiers desperately tried to come to his aid.

Without missing a beat, you tore your hands out of their restraints and pulled the long metal table that separated you two upwards, shoving it legs-first into where the door would be. The legs went right through the wall, the body of the table now blocking the entrance as well as the door itself.

‘That’s the front wall and entrance covered…’

With an audible growl, you turned back to the general, the man now scrambling back to push himself flat against a wall in fear. He was pointing a pistol at you, but you were undeterred.

You took a step, and he took a shot.

You took another, and he did the same.

You took a third, and the man emptied his gun into your torso.

You weren’t fazed, your fury burning too great for you to feel anything other than rage.

He looked like he was about to reply to your yell, but you cut him off before he could, snapping, “Your problem was with me. It always has been. There was no need for you to involve a civilian, let alone ordering your men to open fire!”

“I… I—”

“I wanted to live, so you tried to have me die. When I do want to die, you keep me alive. How much more do I have to suffer for you to be satisfied?! How much longer do I have to exist, for my wants to actually matter?!”

As you stomped closer towards him, you gripped the chair that had been meant for him and threw it across the room. The object formed a deep dent upon impact and rendered the back wall weak.

Releasing another growl, you lifted him up by the collar of his uniform, “How much lower are you going to fall, after murdering that poor boy? Is there even a bar lower for you to reach?!”

The general continued to ignore the futility of repeatedly pulling the trigger of his empty pistol, desperate for a way out. But without a miracle, he would never be able to escape.

Unfortunately, he got one. It came in the form of a Kryptonian, at that.

Superman broke through the dented wall, quick in separating you from the general. You felt your back smack against the one-sided window, the cool glass cracking beneath your flesh.

Oh, right. You hadn’t had the chance to change. Your shirt was still burnt at the back, the rest of your clothing tattered at the edges and your feet shoeless. Your state of dress seemed to come as a surprise to Superman, too. If the brief moment he took to observe his ‘opponent’ was any indication.

You glanced at the wall he’d used as an entrance. It wasn’t that much of a fall. It wouldn’t take much to heal if you got hurt. Ten seconds, at most.

Within a breath, you fearlessly leaped through the broken wall. You heard a choke of astonishment behind you as you did, but as much as you wanted to be amused by the alien, you recognized the threat he was to your freedom.

He was a goody-two-shoes. If he caught you, you’d just be locked up. And you’d be used as a lab rat or a weapon all over again. Never able to die.

You couldn’t let that happen.

You’d landed with a wince and a roll, a sickening crack shooting shocks up your left arm. You’d shaken off the pain, sprinting towards where you knew the weapons vault was. The rushing of wind reached your ears, indicating that the alien wasn’t far behind. Spotting the vault entrance straight ahead, you trusted your instincts and slid across the tile floor as if you were running a base. It worked.

Superman flew straight past you, and not expecting you to have sensed him coming, was going too fast to stop himself from crashing into the vault. Your eyes widened at the sight. You hadn’t predicted it either.

Hurriedly pushing yourself up to your feet, you’d rushed into the vault, mind flashing through the arsenal they had you use throughout the years. You’d known what they had in there, and one of them was definitely not good for a Super.

When you stepped foot into the vault, you were proven right. Superman was struggling to stand, green creeping its way through his veins.

“Shit…” without hesitation, you pulled him up. You wrapped his arm around your neck and dragged him out, uncaring of the guns pointed at you. You felt his questioning stare, and grumbled, “What.”

“Why?”

Such a simple question, made of only one word… yet the true nature of its complexity was beyond you. You shook your head. Not the time.

“Never wanted to kill anyone. Never wanted anyone dead, either…” You sighed, voice barely louder than a whisper, “Just wanted to be happy.”

Once you determined that he was at a safe enough distance, you promptly let him flop into the ground. You huffed at his comical “oof” before revealing the smoke grenade you had swiped from the vault. You pulled its pin, and as everyone’s vision began to be obscured, you muttered words only Superman could hear.

“Please, just leave me alone…”

~~~

You didn’t know if it was because of Superman’s influence, but you were. Left alone, that is. Then again, it might’ve been because you’d kept away from civilization as best as you could, staying in forests for as long as you were able.

For how long at this point? You weren’t sure. By the time you’d left him in the smoke, it had been five years since the dorm with Alex. Three since the experiment. One since Lucia. And... none since Luke.

With a shake of your head, their blurred faces and vague memories faded in an instant, the frown at the resurfacing thoughts of them quickly replaced with an easy-going smile.

The woods weren’t too bad.

The animals were surprisingly amicable, and you found an unfamiliar joy in jumping into lakes and rivers without any remorse. If you needed anything that couldn’t be provided naturally, the camp sites you’d managed to memorize the locations of were useful in that regard. Clothes, food, money…

You didn’t realize exactly how easy it was to steal from civilians until you weren’t one yourself.

Still... it should be troubling that you didn’t know how long you’d been living in the forests. Every day blurs together. You didn’t even know what forest you were living in. Or if you’d lived in more than one. Your memories continued to fracture, and due to lack of practice, you could feel your ability to speak and understand wavering.

Your memories…

Very few of them remained intact. You had a feeling that you had a part to play in it, intentional or not, considering that the ones you could remember seemed happy, and anything otherwise—anything that caused pain… either you got rid of them the second they came, or it made you retreat into the deepest recesses of your mind, never knowing how long you’d been in there the moment you returned to reality.

Could’ve been a few seconds, minutes, maybe even hours. It was partially why you’d lost track of how long you’d been living among the trees.

Every time you thought of your past, you were reminded of the burden that was carrying emotions. Of being human. It was roughly one month into living away from humans, that you accepted it was simpler to just ignore the fact that you had a life before this mess. That there had ever been happier times. If you couldn’t identify what was considered a ‘good’ memory, then you wouldn’t be sucked into the ‘bad’, right?

So you buried them. Even imagined little coffins for them and everything.

Part of you knows that it’s unhealthy. But that mindset is what led to those instances now being few and far in between—or, at least you hoped they were. Again, you didn’t really have a good sense of time.

But living was good. It was fun, not thinking of anything but what to do next. You could spend an entire day chasing after deer, or just climbing a tree. And do the same thing all over again tomorrow!

…It all sounds a bit boring now that you think about it. But oddly enough, the days were surprisingly fun. If you really wanted a thrill, all you had to do was start wrestling a bear! That was fun.

You were actually rushing away from one right now, teasingly dangling yourself from one branch of a tree to another, when you heard a scream. A female scream, and then… a crash. While the noise terrified the bear, it only intrigued you, drawing you closer. Almost like a siren’s call.

You dropped down to the forest floor, tackling the bear in the process. After absentmindedly hauling it over your shoulder, you dashed through the treeline within seconds. Once out of the forest, you coughed as you blinked at the wreckage before you.

Two vehicles had collided roughly thirty meters away, the smoke billowing from the smouldering wreck making your lungs burn. What startled you more was the armed man holding a gun up to an injured, blonde woman twenty meters away from the crash.

You blinked at the man, who seemed to be talking the woman’s ears off. Rather, what was the word… monologuing? Yeah. Monologuing.

His cocky grin made you roll your eyes, the action leading to you noticing the bear’s presence on your shoulder. An idea struck. Your eyes narrowed at the man, before glancing over to the bear. The man. The bear. The man…

“BEAR!”

You gleefully yelled, startling them both. But what brought complete horror upon both humans, was the fact that there was now a bear hurtling towards them. Correction, towards the man.

He dropped like a rock, him and the bear both did. Whereas the poor, unharmed-yet-traumatised fuzzy animal quickly scrambled to its feet before sprinting back into the woods, the effectively disarmed male stayed flat on the concrete, out cold.

Tilting your head to the side, you walked up to the unconscious human, your brows furrowing as you wondered why he wasn’t moving.

You sniffed and rubbed at your itching nose, wincing at the horrible stench of roasting rubber. You couldn’t tell if the blood you smelt came from the wounds after the crash, or after the bear.

You gave him a light tap of a foot, checking if he’d wake up anytime soon. When the man didn’t budge, you shrugged and turned to go back to the forest, only to freeze when you were startled by the female he’d been threatening. You’d forgotten she was there, and the woman was far closer than you remembered her to be.

She looked stunned.

Her hands were hovering by her cheeks, palms over her mouth, tears brimming in her eyes as she muttered… a name? It sounded familiar. You didn’t know why. You tilted your head, confused.

“You…” she sobbed, tears now flowing freely. She stammered out, “You don’t remember, do you?”

Who was this woman?

Cautiously, you shook your head. Your was body tense, knees bent and ready to escape if you needed to.

“Nothing? It’s me, Eliza,” another shake of your head. She sniffled, “Eliza Danvers? One of my daughters brought you over for Thanksgiving a few times, you were like a part of our family, before… before… you disappeared.”

Danvers.

You didn’t hear anything past that, the word—name?—had a tremor course through your skull. That was… worrying? It should be worrying, right?

Your hands flashed to your aching temples, gritting your teeth, you croaked out, “D-Dan… Danvers?”

You hadn’t said anything in months. Your throat was probably as painful to use as your voice was to hear.

Eliza’s eyes shined brighter in realization. You were remembering.

“Yes, Danvers! Do you… Do you remember my daughter? She’d been your closest friend. Alex, Alexandra Danvers—”

Static was all you could hear. You dropped to your knees, the pain growing more unbearable the more she spoke. You barely felt the gravel of the road digging into your knees.

Alex?

Alex.

Who was—

“No… Don’t!”

That was… you? Why was this hurting so much? What was going on?

Why didn’t you want to remember?

You felt hands on your shoulders, desperately trying to… to what? Snap you out? Of what? Pain? You didn’t even know why it came up, let alone how to stop it!

Then… then a chill. One you haven’t felt since you encountered… someone. You couldn’t remember them, either.

All you could hear were your instincts.

Instincts…

Your instincts were screaming, frantic in wanting you to leave. To escape.

So you followed them.

Shrugging Eliza’s hands off of your shoulders, you jumped to your feet and swiftly fled into the woods, not turning back once. Not even when you heard her scream a name—yours?—and especially not when you heard the tell-tale swoosh of… a cape? You didn’t know.

Your thoughts made no sense right now. All you wanted was to go back and forget. To go back into the woods and be happy.

Just… be happy.

#Alex Danvers #Reader #x Reader #F!Reader #x F!Reader #Alex Danvers x Reader #Supergirl #Supergirl Fanfic #Supergirl Fic #Eliza Danvers #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #tw depressive #tw depression #tw body horror #tw body modification #tw body parts #tw human experimentation

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ninak803 · 4 years

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So I wrote another thing! I try to write something happy the next time, I promise! But for now I just have this. Also this turned out much longer than I expected. I hope you enjoy it never the less!

A huge thank you to @heyitssmiller for helpin me through the weird english punctuation problem! And also for encouraging me to post it!

The Prank

“Re, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry…” Sirius said abashedly.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Remus shouted at Sirius.

“I wasn’t thinking, I just -”

“That’s damn right! You weren’t thinking at all!” Remus interrupted him, his voice still raised. “Sirius Fucking Black didn’t think about what he was going to do! He didn't think of the consequences his stupid idea might have! Because he never gives a damn about consequences! I trusted you! And you just abused my trust like that! I’m so done with all your shit! And I tell you what. I’m done with you. We’re done.”

Sirius looked up at him, his face full of concern and pain. Remus had never shouted at him before, but then he’d never been that angry with Sirius. Right now he was just so damn irate. It was the day after the full moon and he could still feel the wolf under his skin, trying to gain some control over him, feeding on his anger, pushing it further.

“I know, you have every right to be angry with me, just let me…” Sirius started to say, but Remus interrupted him again.

“Save it, Black. I don’t want to hear anymore of your sad excuses. Save it.”

Remus took a deep breath, then looked over Sirius' shoulder to James, who was standing in the background, his head low, looking to the ground, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“Thank you, for making him tell me. And for having my back.” Remus said directed at James.

He looked up from the ground as Remus spoke to him, and smiled a bit, then nodded.

They were standing in the middle of their dorm, Remus just came back from the hospital wing. The air was thick, filled with rage and regret.

Remus walked over to his bed and sat down.

“Come on now, Sirius.” James said.

Sirius gave Remus a desperate look again, Remus was sure he wanted to say something. Wanted to explain himself again. But then he left the dorm with James.

Remus exhaled.

How did this happen? Why did Sirius do this? How could Remus have been so stupid to tell them his darkest secret? He should’ve known that something bad would happen. Something like that. Sirius went to Snape and told him to go to the Shack. On a full moon. While Remus was in there, transforming into a damn werewolf. If James wouldn’t have stopped Snape, Remus would’ve killed him! And now Snape knew. He knew what Remus was. He really should’ve known better.

He clenched his hands and punched against his bedpost, trying to find an outlet for his anger. Then he stood up again, took off his pants and layed back on his bed. He closed the curtains around it.

He knew something was wrong, when he woke up all alone in the Shack that morning. He still felt the wolf inside him, who complained that he was all alone that night, all his friends missing, especially the large, black dog. And now both of them were angry, the wolf and Remus.

He took another deep breath, trying to calm himself down a bit. He had to sleep. Everything was hurting right now, every muscle, every bone inside his body were still aching from the transformation. And now his heart was also hurting after everything today.

He closed his eyes, trying to find some rest.

After a while the exhaustion overwhelmed him and he fell into a dark, dreamless sleep.

He didn’t know how long he had slept, but the feeling of betrayal came back a split second after he woke up. He heard footsteps coming closer to his bed, then they stopped right in front of it.

“Leave him be, Sirius.” James whispered in an admonishing tone. “You really did enough today. He needs to rest, you know that. Go to bed.”

Remus could hear a small sigh from Sirius, then he heard him walking over to his own bed. He heard the rustling of bedsheets, while both James and Sirius went to bed.

He couldn’t fall asleep again and he knew Sirius wasn’t sleeping either. He could hear Sirius’ breathing, not even enough to be asleep. Serves him just right.

Remus swallowed hard. The anger faded away a bit, just to leave more room for feeling betrayed, feeling the pain of a broken heart. He had trusted him, with his life. Remus wiped away the tears that appeared on his face.

He took out his wand and casted a silencing spell over his bed, just to make sure no one would hear him. It’s been a while since he felt the urge to cry himself back into sleep, but tonight was such a night. And after all that happened, who would judge him for that? So he cried over his broken heart, the broken trust, the friend he’d lost, his uncertain future.

He weeped until exhaustion swept over him and he fell asleep once again.

Remus woke up as a hand gently touched his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked into James’ face.

“Sorry, Re, but I thought you’d like some breakfast before classes.” James said with a small smile on his face.

Remus nodded.

“Thanks for waking me up…” Remus yawned and set up. He tried to look around James to see if the dorm was empty already. He really didn’t want to see Sirius.

James knew what he was looking for and said: “He’s not here, he left really early. I’m not sure if he slept at all.”

Remus stood up and shrugged.

“I really don’t care if he ever sleeps again. He better stays out of my way.”

And that was the problem. How do you stay out of someone's way if you’re literally living together? They shared a dorm, a bathroom, they had the same classes.

Remus went into the bathroom, brushed his teeth and changed into his clothes. Then he went into the Great Hall for breakfast with James.

Luckily Sirius wasn’t here. Remus just realised how hungry he really was. He skipped lunch and dinner yesterday, so he had to make it up now. He was really glad that James woke him, so he had enough time for a real breakfast.

Their first class today was Transfiguration. He went to the classroom with James and Peter, just to see Sirius was already sitting there. On his usual spot. Remus stopped, swallowed and looked at Peter.

“Let’s change seats today, Wormtail.” he said to Peter.

The other boy nodded, he knew what had happened of course. So Peter willingly took Remus’ seat next to Sirius and Remus took his seat. He was sitting now three places away from Sirius, which still wasn’t enough.

The anger he had pushed down so far, came back just as strong as it was yesterday. Is this how things are going to be now? Will his heart always break apart a bit more, when he sees Sirius? Remus took a mental note: Never fall in love with your roommate again, it’s going to end bad and you’ll suffer a lot.

He changed seats with Peter in all the other classes too and Sirius obviously didn’t like that.

Remus skipped lunch that day, he stayed in the library between classes to do some research for his History of Magic homework, so when he finally went to dinner that night he was starving. He delayed going back to the Great Hall as long as he could, because he really dreaded to see Sirius there, surrounded by all the other people. They somehow had to act normal, didn’t they? Otherwise there would be so many questions. Questions he would rather not answer.

When he entered the Hall, Sirius was still sitting there, next to him James and Peter. Remus went over to them and took a seat next to Lily, across from James.

“Sorry, I’m late. I’ve been working on some homework.” he said, taking some food.

“You must be hungry, I haven’t seen you during lunchtime” Lily said.

Remus nodded.

“Yeah, I had to catch up on the stuff I missed, when I was ill.” he smiled at Lily.

She smiled back at him genuinely.

He talked with Lily, James and Peter for the rest of dinner. Sirius didn’t say a single word. Remus didn’t look at Sirius once. Why should he have?

In the middle of the conversation about their potions homework, Sirius suddenly stood up and left the hall without a word.

Lily frowned.

“He’s acting weird today, isn’t he?” she asked.

James shrugged.

“He’s fine.”

Remus knew this was a lie, but he was relieved, that Sirius finally had left. He took a deep breath and finished his dinner.

Back in the common room, he told the others that he was tired and went up to their dorm. He didn’t know where Sirius was, he was neither in the common room nor in the dorm.

Remus sat down on his bed.

He’d felt Sirius’ looks on him all day. Remus had seen the desperation and the guilt on Sirius' face out of the corner of his eye. Remus didn’t look at him directly. He didn’t speak to him. Sirius didn’t deserve it.

So Remus finished some homework, then laid down in his bed, curtains closed. But he didn’t sleep.

He kept thinking about Sirius and how he just gave everything what they had away so easily. Sirius was furious with Snape, because of some stupid thing he said or did. He wanted to give Snape something to think about. Scare him a bit.

Remus shook his head. He knew Sirius was impulsive, but he’d never thought he would do something that stupid. But that’s how you can be mistaken in someone you trust.

He heard the others entering the dorm quietly, trying not to wake him.

He fell asleep shortly afterwards.

That’s how the next days and weeks went by. Sirius was already gone, when Remus got up. They didn’t meet until their first lesson. They didn’t talk, Remus didn’t even look at him. Sirius still gazed at him all the time, his pain becoming more visible every day. But Remus didn’t care. Sirius should suffer.

During lunch and dinner Remus stayed as far away from Sirius as possible. Remus talked a lot with Lily and Mary about homework and classes. They knew something was terribly wrong, but didn’t ask him questions. Maybe James told them roughly what happened, at least a version of it. He really liked the girls and they did a good job at distracting him from this whole mess.

Most of his free time Remus spent in the library, learning for his exams or doing his homework. He tried to occupy his mind as much as possible, so he didn’t have the time to think. Otherwise he would just start to think about Sirius, how he missed his laughs, his jokes, his touches, their late night conversations. And how things are never going to be the same again. And then his thoughts would just end up in a loop and he wouldn’t get any of his work done. And feel truly depressed.

Additionally he was really sorry for James. He knew James suffered a lot due to this situation. He wanted to be loyal to Remus, James was angry with Sirius too, but Sirius still was his best friend. And his best friend had a really hard time and also needed his help. So things were quite complicated between the marauders at the moment.

At nights, Remus was lying in his bed, thinking about all the things he denied himself to think about during daytime, the things that went all wrong. So unsurprisingly, he didn’t get much sleep, his thoughts kept him awake almost every night.

Remus was sitting in the library on a Saturday evening, working on his Transfiguration essay, when James sat down next to him.

“Hey.” he said, sounding concerned.

“What’s up?” Remus asked, putting his feather quill away.

James was chewing on his lip, before he said: “I know, it’s not your problem and I have no right to ask you that, but… I don’t know where Sirius is. He wasn’t at breakfast, lunch or dinner today. The last time I saw him was yesterday, before we went to bed. He took the cloak and the map with him… Do you have any idea where he might be?”

Remus looked at James' worried face, then sighed.

“I have an idea. I’ll check that for you, okay?”

“Thank you, Moony. Thank you.” James sounded relieved already.

Remus smiled a little, stood up and put his books and his quill back into his bag.

“I tell him to go to talk to you.”

Then he left the library.

Remus went to the lake. He and Sirius had spent a lot of summer days here, in the shadow of a large tree. Those were very joyful days, days he tried not to think about right now.

When he came closer to that tree, he could hear someone's heartbeat, but the place was supposedly empty. He sat down, next to where Sirius had to be.

“I know, you’re there Sirius.” Remus said, looking at the water.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sirius appear out of thin air. Remus kept looking at the water, while Sirius looked at him.

“Stop being such a dick. James is worried, you’re not fair to him.” Remus said, looking at Sirius finally.

He could see him swallow hard. His face was pale, the struggle of the last weeks clearly written all over his face. The look on his face broke Remus’ heart just a bit more, if that was even possible. Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but Remus held his hand up to stop him.

“Whatever you have to say, I still don’t want to hear it. I’m here, because James asked me to look for you. I’m not here because I want to talk to you. Go back and talk to James. Soon.” Remus stood up and left, he didn’t turn around for another look at Sirius. He had to take some deep breaths, that was harder than he’d thought it would be. He still loved him, after all.

He went into the Common room, where James was waiting.

“I found him. Told him to talk to you.” Remus said.

“Thank you, Remus.”

Remus just nodded and went straight to bed after that.

The next day, when he entered the dorm after dinner, there was a piece of parchment lying on his bed. He opened it and it showed Sirius neat and flawless handwriting. It said:

Dear Remus,

I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I beg you to read my letter. Please read what I have to say to you.

I am so incredibly sorry for what I did. You were right. I didn’t think about the consequences this might have. I should have just ignored what Snape said, like you told me so often to do. I know that now. I knew I made a mistake the moment I told him to go to the Shack. There was just no way to unsay what I said. So I went straight to James and told him what I’ve done. He ran off at once and saved Snape. James always knows what to do, you know how he is. He had to save my ass way too many times.

But what I did there was the biggest mistake I ever made. And I will forever regret it. There’s no way to tell you how sorry I am, Moony. I really am.

You’re not talking to me, you’re not even looking at me and it’s killing me. Every day. And I deserve it. Every time I hear your voice my heart breaks, because I know there is no way you’re ever talking to me again. Not because you want to talk to me, just when someone makes you talk to me.

I miss you. I miss us. I miss everything we had. And I hate myself for destroying everything, just because of my stupid pride.

I have no right to ask you for forgiveness, so I’m not asking for it. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not hoping for it. And I try to make it up to you, I know I can’t, but I try anyway. Every day for the rest of my life.

You’re the best person I know, Remus. You’re so loving, full of life, smart, funny, sarcastic (which is really sexy by the way) and you’re the most caring person I know. And you’re beautiful, Moony, just so damn beautiful. You’re gorgeous.

You’re the best thing I ever had in my life and I don’t know how I earned your trust in the first place.

I know you regret trusting me now. But I’ll do my best to show you that you can trust me. Something like that will never happen again. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place, I know. But I can’t undo it, so I have to show you how sorry I am. I’ll never stop trying.

I know I’m fighting against windmills here, because there just is no way you’re ever going to forgive me and that’s alright. I don’t deserve it any better. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I were you. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did.

This letter is a bit chaotic, because there’s so much I want to say and I just don’t know how. You’re the one who’s good with words, that’s another thing I love about you. You just always know how to express what you’re feeling, I wish I could do that right now.

I love you, Moony. I will love you forever, nothing’s going to change that. Nothing.

Once again, I’m so sorry for what I did.

Love,

Sirius

Remus swallowed hard after he read the letter for the first time. His head was spinning. He could see Sirius in his mind, bend over his desk, his feather quill in his hand, writing this letter. He could see him, chewing on his bottom lip while thinking about his phrasing, then write it down anyway.

Remus had to take some deep breaths to calm himself a little. He missed Sirius deeply. There’s no way to deny that. But he’s just so disappointed, he’s hurt.

Remus sat down on his bed, the letter still in his hand. He read it three more times, feeling more dissolved every time.

He looked up as the door to their dorm opened and Sirius stepped in. He stopped in the door, seeing Remus with his letter in his hand. Remus swallowed hard and saw Sirius doing the same. They looked at each other, the tension rising in the room.

Remus crawled into his bed, closing his curtains around it, the letter still clutched in his hand. He wasn’t ready for this encounter right now. He heard Sirius leaving the room without a word.

Remus was sitting in the Great Hall for breakfast. Sirius was sitting across from him. It’s been a week since Remus read the letter. Sirius showed up for the breakfasts since then.

“James, would you please hand me the butter?” Sirius asked.

Remus pushed the butter a bit further in Sirius' direction. He looked up at Sirius, to see a small glint in his eyes, a smile playing around his lips.

“Thanks, Moony” he said quietly.

Remus nodded, then looked back on his plate.

It was just a small gesture, but Sirius kept smiling the whole day. Maybe things are going to be okay, someday.

#harry potter #hp marauders #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #wolfstar #the prank #remus x sirius #Remus John Lupin #Sirius orion black #marauders era #hp fanfic

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cloudy-ocs · 4 years

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— happy mari day!

: it’s mari’s 20th birthday, the boys hold a small birthday between the nine of them, and a special guest?

— masterlist

2020

“happy birthday, mari!” felix hugs mari as the nine of them sit in the living room, sorting through the gifts the eight of them had bought for her.

“thanks felix, and thank you for the gift.” she lifts up the hamster plushie, shaking it for emphasis. the group continues on with their celebrations, ignoring any responsibilities they had for the next few hours, feeling free even just for an hour or two.

they weren’t really expecting any visitors, maybe a call or two from mari’s family members, but definitely not a knock on their door.

mari shot chan a look, who had also given her a side glance. he, too, was confused as to who would be visiting their dorms.

he hopped up and jogged over to the door, looking in the peephole before slowly twisting the knob, greeting whoever it was on the other side. the two talked for a moment before chan invited the guest in.

“it’s for you.” he glanced at mari, a certain look on his face as he stepped out of the way for yeonjun to walk in further.

“hello, i’m sorry for intrudin, but it’s important.” he apologised to mari and the others before turning back to her, nudging his head towards the hallway. “‘mari, can we talk for a second?”

mari gulped nervously, giving jisung an uncertain look, but sighing when she saw him give her a small nod. she agreed and got up, grabbing his hand before dragging him out.

“mari, i know now might not be the best time to tell you but, i choose you.”

“what?” she blinked in confusion, brain trying to process his words and what he was talking about.

“i choose you. when you told me you never wanted to put me in a position to choose between you and miyeon... i realised how right you were about how i treated you around her, and i am so sorry.”

“yeonjun, it’s okay-”

“but it isn’t. you’re hurt, i’m hurt, but i know it’s you. i choose you, and i promise you won’t regret it.”

“yeonjun,” mari sighed, removing her hands from yeonjun’s grasp, eyes flickering down to look t the floor. or the hallway as he stated intensely at her. “i don’t know, there’s so much at risk, and i- i don’t want to lose the boys or this company. i don’t want you to be thrown out of the group, i don’t want to worry about someone exposing us. maybe it was best we didn’t go too far into our relationship...”

yeonjun stared at her quietly, lips pursing and relaxing for a few seconds before he sighed and slowly nodded.

“okay okay, i get it. but i promise i won’t let any of that happen, i will do everything in my power to avoid those consequences.”

“there’s only so much love and freedom one couple can have in a situation like ours. we’re still rookies yeonjun, we shouldn’t even prioritise dating right now.”

“but-” mari cut him off with a sigh, arms crossing over her chest as she looked at yeonjun before giving him a small smile. “i’m sorry yeonjun, i’ll think about it, okay?”

“yeah, okay... happy birthday, mar.” he gave a forced smile back, leaving to make his way back to the door as she watched his retreating figure.

“thanks.” she quietly muttered to herself as he left,a strong pang was felt in her chest as she watched tthe elevator doors close on him, the two locking eyes just as the doors closed.

dating may not have been a priority to mari for now, but she sure was damn sad about the boy who got away.

#female kpop oc #female kpop additions #kpop oc #stray kids 9th member #stray kids addition #stray kids au #stray kids imagines #stray kids oc #stray kids scenario #kpop au #yeonjun au #stray kids #stray kids scenarios #kpop addition #kpop scenario

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cyanoscarlet · 3 years

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virgin of carmel

The Nuestra Señora Del Carmen Ward:

It was here that I realized I wasn't meant to become an internist. It's currently closed due to the pandemic situation. The somber sight reopens an old wound I didn't know I still nursed.

It was a Friday, three weeks into pre-residency. I didn't report to duty the day before, having taken ill and spending the entire day in bed and miserable in my dorm room.

Still, I tried to make it the next day. Pre-rounds at 4AM. I can do this.

At 6AM, I realized I couldn't.

I almost vomited in front of the nurses during shift change. Despair welled from deep in my gut, threatening to spill out from my parted lips and weakened limbs.

I called mom and gasped for air. Discussed plans, alternatives, consequences. Anything to get out.

At 9AM, I quit.

A year and a half later, I still don't know if I made the right choice. Seeing my former batchmates and hearing their stories still makes me ache with regret for the life I left behind because I was too weak to live it.

With each passing day however, the pain gets duller, better. Only time will probably tell. Or maybe not.

What's most important to me now is that I live this one well, past misgivings and insecurities be damned, and in that respect I'd like to think I'm doing well. I wouldn't be here otherwise.

#cyanospeaks #dani MD

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germgyuuu · 4 years

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CARNIVAL | l.jn

idol boyfriend!lee jeno x reader

genre: heavy fluff, heavy cringe, established relationship au.

warnings!: some swear words, slightly suggestive.

word count: 2.3k+

You and your boyfriend, Jeno spend time at the carnival, reminiscing your past, enjoying your present and planning your future.

All you ever wanted was for some time alone with Jeno. Even if it was just for a day. And luckily for you, NCT had been given a whole two weeks off. Jeno had planned for a vacation trip to Hawaii, just the two of you and you were more than excited. What better way to spend your summer vacation with your boyfriend?

As you arrived at your hotel, you were informed by the hotel staff that there was this huge carnival which would be held in the evening so you both decided to rest until then.

"Jeno, I feel bad", you pout, dumping your suitcase on the floor and lying down on the bed.

"Why? What's wrong?", a worried Jeno asks before laying down next you. You turn to face him and he brushes the hair that shifted and fell, covering your face.

"This is the first time you ever got a break after your debut but you have to spend it with me instead of the members or your family", you genuinely felt bad.

As much as you wanted to be with Jeno whenever he was free, you knew there were things you had to sacrifice once you realised you would be dating an idol.

You let out a frustrated groan and outstretched your arms as you lay on your side looking at Jeno. He chuckled before pulling you towards him as he held you close to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around you and resting his chin on your head. You sighed as his arms tightened around you.

"Baby, first of all, you are family and second of all, I need this vacation. I need this for us. I know how much you have to sacrifice to date me and I know this isn't much, but I really hoped this would make up for all the time I couldn't be with you. All the missed dates, all the times you had to get worried sick because I could sleep for only two hours a day, all the anniversaries and birthdays that were spent Face Timing and all the hoodies I had to give you so you wouldn't forget about me”, he sighed, running his hands through his soft hair. “You deserve this more than anyone. We deserve this. And I can always meet my family the next week. I've already sorted out my plans with them. And as for the members, I may or may not have used this vacation as an excuse to get away from them. You can live with them your whole life but no matter what, they'll still tire you out",

Jeno grimaced recalling the noisy dorm and the messy place. He was already tired just thinking about it.

"Let's get some sleep, we need to head to the carnival soon", Jeno lifted your head and smiled before placing a kiss on your lips. It felt nice to finally have Jeno to yourself for a whole week. He's right, you deserve this week with him. You grinned before snuggling deeper into his arms.

It was quite crowded by the time you two had got there. The carnival started about half an hour back but by the looks of it, it seemed like it had already been hours. You walked towards the entry, hand in hand, as a sudden feeling of nostalgia overwhelmed you. You had met Jeno at a carnival. You chuckled at the three year old memory and it seemed like Jeno did too.

He turned to you before extending his hand out,

"Shall we?", he asked, the cutest of a smile forming on his face.

"We shall", you chuckled before interlocking your hands and heading in.

"Jeno, you dumb piece of shit, how could you miss that?", you shrieked causing Jeno to flinch.

"How do you expect me to focus when you’re constantly shouting into my ear?", Jeno pointed out frustrated, as he tried aiming his hoop at one of the stuffed toys.

You were currently having a couples face off. The other couple seemed to be doing well but since you and Jeno have known to be competitive, shit got worse. You guys kept screaming at each other, cussing each other out and smacking the other's head. Yep, just a normal day for your two. Needless to say, you scared the crap out of the other couple and probably everyone else because nobody seemed to be coming near the booth you two were at.

Because of this you two were kicked out of the booth. This only pissed you off more.

"I didn't get a chance to play", you whined, glaring at Jeno who used up all the coupons.

Jeno, who had managed to return back to normal, laughed and placed an arm across your shoulder.

"It's alright babe, it's not like you could have done any better", he snorted. You stopped in your tracks, whipped his hand away from your shoulder and stomped on his foot. Jeno flinched and wrapped a hand around his foot before glaring at you.

"Oops, sorry, I seemed to have slipped. Say that once again and maybe I'll slip and hit someplace higher", you smiled sweetly at him before skipping off towards the food stands.

Upon reaching the food stands, you skimmed through everything in the stalls and it only made you a lot hungrier. You were about to place an order when you realised that you had left your purse back in the hotel room.

You turned around slowly only to come in contact with a smirking Jeno.

Damn it, he knows.

You sigh inwardly before putting on a big smile and jumping towards him.

"JENO! -"

"No"

"But I love you"

"I love you too"

"So will you buy me food?"

"Hahahaahhano"

"JenooooooOooo",

“Yyyyy/nnnnnnn”

You groaned before trying your best to act cute. You begged him with the cutest face you could muster up. You could see him breaking, but it wasn't enough. You sighed as you realised what you had to do next.

Ah, the things I do for food.

You inwardly facepalmed as you took a deep breath before singing the baby shark song but replacing the lyrics.

"Baby Jeno, do do do do.

Buy me food, do do do do do,

Ple-e-ease, do do do do do,

I love you", you shot him an arrow heart and he broke down in laughter. You didn't notice and you continued singing, regret taking all over your body as people continued to watch. You did a small dance with the song and when you turned back around, you saw Jeno with his phone, recording you.

A blush crept on your face as you blocked his camera with your hand. You whined and all Jeno could do was laugh. You looked at Jeno with the saddest face but that didn't stop him from laughing.

"Awe, my baby, you're so cute", Jeno cooed while squishing your cheeks.

"I love you so much", he spoke while placing a kiss on your lips after every word. He still held your face between his hands and kept squishing your cheeks.

"How are you so cute?", he cried before squishing them again.

"Ugh, whatever", you tried pushing him away, acting all annoyed by him. Although you hid it best, your heart's pace kept increasing with every word he said and it made you all gooey inside. You loved it. And he knew it too. No matter how much a front you put up, he would always know what goes on inside.

He was interrupted by a loud growl that came from none other than your stomach. He chuckled before letting his hands fall down and interlocking them with yours as he pulled you closer to him. You wrapped your arms around him and he kissed the top of your head.

"Let's go buy food for my baby, you can eat whatever you want you to princess", he smiled at you as you looked up at him with excitement.

"Let's go!", you pulled him along as you went from stall to stall to order whatever you could. You may or may not have made Jeno broke that day. But you had no regrets. Never hesitate to spend on food. Plus he told that he was buying, even after three years, he still hadn't learnt.

The food here was amazing and the two of you were more than satisfied with everything. You then began randomly walking around talking about random stuff here and there and also of the memories you had when you first met at the carnival.

"Hey babe, let's go there", you pointed at one of the attractions and looked at Jeno for his response. His eyes lit up and he smiled, he knew exactly what you were going for. You walked towards the love boat, nostalgia hitting hard again.

The tunnel was absolutely beautiful, it didn't have all those bright neon signs or those cliche ones you'd usually find here. Instead, they had those aesthetically pleasing dim lights with flowers covering the walls. Jeno picked a yellow one which matched with your outfit and placed it in your hair.

You looked into his eyes as he looked into yours. His eyes held so much love in them. You loved him and no matter how tough situations would get you wouldn't let him go. Jeno knew that and that was why he felt confident with you. That was why he could actually dream of a future with you without having to face any consequences.

As though you were able to read his thoughts, you rested your head on his shoulder and wrapped your arms around his bicep.

"Have you ever thought about a future?", you questioned. Although you knew Jeno loved you, you were still afraid of whether or not he needed you in his life. He could get any girl he wished for and though you never felt that Jeno payed attention to any other girl other than you, you couldn't help but feel this way. And that's why in order to not freak him out, you asked about the future. Not about your future with him.

Jeno chuckled as he finally voiced his thoughts.

"Of course I have, I've thought about winning a daesang with the members, making all of our fans proud of us, and then all of us members would take a long and nice vacation somewhere, and I, with you. And then I would propose to you, we would be on the beach under the moonlight. I would have fixed up a tent but knowing me, it would be all messed up so I would have asked the others for help. I would buy you the most beautiful dress and have you wear it as you walked down the path, though it would end up being ripped off of you later than night", he chuckled slightly and you shook your head.

"And then I would give you some of my handmade sandwiches which would be edible of course. Or maybe I'll just ask Taeyong to make it. And then once the mood sets in, I'll sing a song and play my guitar, which you absolutely love and then I'll get on my knees and propose to you. Seeing how amazing and cool I am, and with you being so infatuated with me, there's no way you'd say no", I hit his arm slightly before leaning my head back on his shoulders and finding comfort in his voice and the words he spoke.

"And then we'd have this simple wedding with just our families and close ones. We'd buy a house near the beach and make sure the members move somewhere nearby too and then have five kids-",

"FIVE?", you choked.

"Yep, five, imagine how much livelier the house and the world would be with smaller versions of us running around. They can always be close to their NCT uncles. I'm going to name one of them Nana but-", he spoke about every single detail and it made your heart beat faster. You liked the sound of it. No. You LOVED the sound of it. It was all just the ideal way you'd want to live your life, with him.

You chuckled, as you slowly lifted your head to look back at him.

"Y/n, I'm absolutely and completely in love with you and each and every part of you. Will you stay by my side and make this dream of mine come true?", he asked you and you smiled at him. Tears brimming your eyes as you slowly nodded your head. Jeno's eyes were shining too. You pulled him into your chest and the rhythm of your heartbeats coincided. You lifted his head and placed a heartwarming kiss on his lips. There was no force or pressure exerted on either of your lips and you both moved in harmony.

You parted for breath when you reached the end of the tunnel. He smiled as you placed your hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

He subtly placed an arm at the end of your dress which landed on your thigh and slowly pushed higher from there. You felt yourself heat up before he suggestively winked at you.

He leaned closer as you stayed still in your position. Cheeks turning pink due to the heat surging throughout your body.

His lips touched your ear and you felt a warm shock spread down your spine.

"How about we head back to the hotel? There's something I want you to try on", his hands stopped moving when they were dangerously too close to your sensitive area. He slightly bit your ear causing an involuntary moan to escape your lips. He chuckled, completely satisfied with how flustered he had you looking.

He chuckled at you once again, before grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the tunnel. You suddenly remembered something, this is the second time Jeno's got you all flustered after a love tunnel ride.

You smiled looking at the back of his head.

This man, you thought,

This man is the one I'm going to love till eternity.

#nct #nctdream #jeno #leejeno #nctjeno #nctfluff #jenofluff #fluff #softhours #kpop #kpopimagines #kpopscenarios #jeno soft hours #cringe #kpopfluff #jeno scenarios #jeno imagines #jeno fluff

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fifielady · 4 years

Text

Soulmates and Stairs? Disaster

Day 2 of @usukweek || Pining | Soulmate AU

Note/s: I always get lazy by the end of the story I’m writing (シ_ _)シ

"Good job, arsehole."

"Arthur, I... I'm really sorry." Alfred kept his eyes on the bland gray-blue (he'd asked a nurse which colors were which while waiting for Arthur) tiled hospital floor, he couldn't seem to at least muster up the courage to look at the other person in the eye and apologize for what seemed like the eleventh time after he accompanied Arthur to the hospital. It was both embarrassing and disheartening that he left such a terrible impression on his soulmate. A terrible and utterly painful physical impression as well.

An hour and a half ago, before they could finally see the blindingly beautiful colors and were sitting in the hospital with Arthur Kirkland's left arm in a cast and Alfred F. Jones regretting and savoring the good and the bad of the consequences of his actions, they were both in the student park in front of the male dormitories spending time on their weekends. Separately, that is. Arthur was sitting on the narrow cobble stairs that lead to the old but sturdy dorms while Alfred was sitting under the canopy of a tree admiring the view.

Alfred was finishing up his essay outside his dorm room because he left his key on his desk when he rushed to his one and only 9 a.m. Saturday class. He was lucky his laptop was fully charged before he headed out, bringing his charger would've been useless since most of the outlets in the common room were always occupied. Besides, the weather was nice enough, for a cloudy day, to spend outside while he worked on his homework. But while he waited for his roommate to come back from buying comics and manga (or was Kiku visiting his Greek soulmate's apartment?), he glimpsed the one and only Arthur Kirkland sitting on the steps furiously working his pencil on a sketchbook.

He thought while unknowingly pressing on the letter 's' on the keyboard, Ah, wow, he looks lovely as always. Though Alfred could only see the light gray shade of Arthur's hair and the dark gray shine in his eyes and even an almost white complexion, there's no way colors would even matter to the sheer handsomeness of Arthur Kirkland. He was very much lucky he could see him almost every day.

Arthur's room was directly across his and Kiku's and though he'd never even talked to him before, except for that acknowledging nod he got when he picked up the guy's Calc textbook, Alfred had developed a crush on him that seemed to grow into something more whenever Alfred was able to catch sight of Arthur. He punched his pillow to exhaustion that night for missing the opportunity to at least brush the skin of their fingers together when Arthur took the book from him. Alfred was guilty, even right now actually, that he'd liked someone who might not turn out to be his intended. It was kinda silly that he'd felt he was cheating on his soulmate when he knew that Arthur probably didn't even know his name.

Alfred forced himself to stop staring because he'd look creepy like that one girl who was always stalking his Russian classmate and that he really should carry on with his essay and other homework, so he graced himself one last look of longing to Arthur for the day and face his open word document only to look down and see that there were two pages filled with "s"s. Nothing a ctrl+z can't handle. Bless technology and Arthur Kirkland's adorably grumpy face of concentration while drawing. Well, not just his looks, he'd seen the guy helping other people without them noticing and it was so 'noble' of him and it made Alfred want to hug him and happy-cry.

Hm. He really should start on finishing his work. But all his pining made him hungry. His stomach grumbled as if to agree. Alfred pursed his lips and thought for a moment. If he were to pass by his crush on the narrow staircase, maybe he could say hi and stuff and invite him out for a snack, and voila!, their first conversation and, maybe, a date. It's a good start, at least.

Like a man on the most super important mission of his life, he'd quickly gathered his things and was basically skipping over to Arthur who was ever so focused on his illustration. Alfred put on his Gonna-Get-Me-Some Smile™ and waved when he was a few feet near the base of the stairs where Arthur was, "Hey Art--WaaAH!"

Something caught his right foot and it was moments before his social death on the ground when he felt a warm body barreling against him and breaking his fall, two bodies tumbling down beside the foot of the stairs. Someone groaned, or maybe they both did, Alfred something felt warm and soft and a bit bony under him. Funny, when was the ground ever bony? Or soft? A whimper caught his attention, oh that definitely wasn't him. Alfred opened his eyes as he stood up to see Arthur on his back wincing.

"AAH- I'm so sorry, are you okay?!"

Arthur only whimpered in response, his eyes were closed tight and there were droplets on his lashes beginning to form. His left arm was positioned weirdly, too. Uh-oh. Arms weren't supposed to bend like that. "Arthur? Arthur, you gotta stay with me," Alfred frantically and lightly tapped on Arthur's cheek. The man's thick brows furrowed into a grimace so Alfred changed tactics. He carded his fingers to brush Arthur's bangs away to clear his face and continued the hair-stroking to soothe him a little bit.

"It-it hurtss... Aaarghh..."

Alfred felt his heart clench. "It's alright, buddy. I'm gonna shout for someone to call for a nurse and we'll go to the hospital, 'kay?"

Arthur only moaned back, tears slowly falling down his face. "Art, hey, can you open your eyes for me? You gotta stay awake. Please stay awake."

He was squinting, and blinking to adjust to the light behind Alfred. The other realized this and shifted slightly to shade Arthur's face. Slowly, and very slowly, just like the slow-motion in the movies, Arthur fluttered his eyelids and all Alfred could see was a color so deep he could in forever hidden behind the long, long the dark and bright lashes of his. And immeasurable pain! Right!

"I'm really sorry about this but you've gotta hold on, soulmate, I'm gonna take you to the hospital and get you patched up."

And that was how he'd given his soulmate a temporary painful physical impression. Talk about his strange luck. Alfred scratched the back of his neck, this was just so nerve-wracking! "Right, um, at least it wasn't your right hand...?"

Arthur also kept his eyes glued on his lap, refusing to even look at him. "I'm left-handed, you fool."

"But... you were drawing with your right hand earlier?" He asked albeit hesitantly and a lot quieter than he usually was.

"I was scribbling out my anger. I'm useless with my right hand. And thanks to you unexpectedly trampling down, I won't be able to use my dominant hand to do anything competently." Arthur shifted his head to the opposite of Alfred, his cheeks and the tips of his ears were tinting 'red'. Crap, Alfred really messed this up. Of course Arthur would be angry. "Even your maddeningly daunting presence makes it difficult to breathe."

That made Alfred wince but he took it. It hurt but Arthur's broken arm was a lot worse. He took a deep breath, "Look, man, if you really hate me being around you that much then I'll leave you alone, okay? You don't have to insult someone who's supposedly your soulmate."

Arthur snapped his head back to face his faster than a cheetah with his eyes comically wide, "Wha-- That's not what I-- "

"It's nice meeting ya, soulmate. I'll get out of your way now." Alfred rose up from his seat, eyes misting. He really messed it all up. Just when he finally attempted to start something, he'd trip and had his soulmate break his arm while breaking his fall. Alfred suck-- "Ack--! Are you trying to choke me?! Seriously, getting even by strangling me to death?"

His shirt collar loosened up a bit. Damn, Arthur was strong! Enough to asphyxiate someone like his only soulmate. Alfred pulled back on the front of his collar to even out Arthur's intense pulling on the back of his collar. 'Useless with his right hand', his ass! Arthur could still probably lift a coin jar with that hand. "Are you as thick as a jar of peanut butter?" Arthur's English accent got thicker and thicker as he slowly let go of his grip on Alfred's collar to just playing with the hem of Al's wrinkled shirt. "Just... just let me continue and actually listen to what I say."

Alfred immediately resisted from running away in tears and stood silent in the hall with Arthur behind him. He could feel the other pinching and rubbing the cloth of his shirt. Softly, as if fearing Alfred would take off if he made himself louder, Arthur muttered, "I'm left-handed and we are soulmates. I, erm, I need another hand to help me around."

"Eh?" Alfred turned around to face Arthur. The guy's eyes were still focused on the ground but the increasing 'red' tint of his cheeks was, in two words, adorably delectable.

"Just until the cast comes off! It's your duty you know..."

Eeehh? What the--? Really?! How was this guy so--!

"As my soulmate, that is."

Alfred couldn't help himself and put his arms around the smaller frame of his soulmate. "Oh my God!" Alfred exclaimed, glee and relief quickly taking over his mind and heart, "You're so freakin' adorable! I can't--!"

He swayed their bodies to and fro, never faltering the strength he'd put in their embrace. Yes! Yesyesyesyesyeees! Alfred was so lucky!

"This arrangement is only until the cast comes off! Oomph, mind my arm, my arm!"

Suffice to say, the arrangement lasted for the rest of their lives. With Arthur also reciprocating more than the help he needed, of course

#usukweek #APH England #hws america #hws england #usuk #aph usuk #soulmate au #pining #aph america #day 2 #fi writes #hetalia #Hetalia Fanfiction #Axis Powers Hetalia #usuk fanfiction #fluff

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mellowmoonballoon · 3 years

Text

Building that Primer - BC!

Gonna go by age! (also, these are turning out to be super long so i’m gonna do team dynamics extra because ... i can’t... fit everything...)

Bang Chan best leader!

Important fandom facts:

Grew up in Australia. English name Chris. Speaks English, Korean and Japanese afaik.

Came to Korea when he was 13 and lived in the dorms for 7 years. All the other trainees left and he spent a significant amount of time living alone in what is basically a massive flat.

Afaik Han was the first one he met? And then IN? So I’m kinda confused as to when Changbin came in since 3racha was before SKZ?

But anyway at some point he, Han and Changbin formed a rap group 3racha which is now also the producing sub-unit of SKZ and they made a lot of amazing music and also WOW, the Stay National Anthem.

He was given the opportunity to build his own group which never happens, and he handpicked these guys. Some of them were already really good, some of them were like... not great, let’s be real. But he saw something in them and knew if they worked hard they could make it. (Bcs the company didn’t pick these guys they had to do a survival type program but despite some will they won’t they eliminations, in the end they all made it through. +WJ who eventually left on his own.)

He can rap, sing, dance and swim. He can’t play football or bowl but hey no one is perfect.

Is passionate about crop tops.

Has big feet but is pocket-sized. Loves Felix (the other Australian) like... so much. SO MUCH.

But is also really strict on Felix and has talked a lot about how much he regrets and doesn’t regret being on his case so much.

How Felix sees it:

How Chan sees it:

And then we all cried.

In general, Chan has spent a solid 2 years after their debut in absolute state of anxiety that it will all be taken away from him and has only started to unclench a bit recently.

But it’s ok, Changbin at least thinks it’s hot.

Consequently? I get the feeling that for all the kids do clown him sometimes, they still respect him way too much to really go after him. Only Han and Changbin (sometimes Minho) get on HIS case properly when they need to. Calling him out, asking the tough questions, hugging him freely and making fun of him as needed.

He takes really good care of them all though. Famous example for no particular reason, loosening IN’s choker because IN hates having shit around his neck and someone insisted on him having it.

He works SO DAMN HARD too. He makes his own music, writes, produces, plays instruments, keeps educating himself etc etc. Never sleeps. Has laptop full of tracks he teases fans with cruelly.

More on this in Minho’s part but surprisingly, with everything else, he’s not a control freak. Well... that’s not... ok let me put it this way :D he is ok delegating, and he doesn’t oppress others to make sure things are done his way. He allows people to express themselves and to go wild and have opinions. He is definitely a control freak in the sense that he watched the perfection that was that Kingdom-promo performance and said he felt he didn’t do well enough.

Also in the sense that he has to be at the back of the line when they go anywhere

But, back to how much they rely on him. When they want to make their own music they come to him and he helps them and makes music for them and whatever else they need. Composes music for the dancers.

Freelances as Felix’s therapist.

Etc etc etc etc Bang Chan best leader.

He also moonlights as everyone’s therapist in his weekly live where he plays music for the fandom (Stay), tells them they are awesome, gives hugs, encourages Stay to be who they are etc etc. Actually, there’s a lot of people who aren’t in the fandom who tune in for the comfort.

(pride month stuff)

Meanwhile, he feels bad when he’s not wearing makeup and he has done very few lives without it but he says that maybe sometimes it helps when we compliment him so YEAH :)

Did I forget something? Probably. Will I add more stuff? For Sure. This is all just stuff I’m storing in my head so as I release this info, new things will come up.

Bang Chan - Minho - Changbin - Hyunjin - Han - Felix and Felix2 - Seungmin - Jeongin

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mycandydrama · 5 years

Text

To leave you again

MCLUL Nathaniel x Kira Words: 2813 +16

I ran up the stairs. The food that I carried in my hand smelled so appetizing that my stomach started to grumble already halfway from the restaurant. However, this was not my greatest joy, but the prospect of the whole night spent with Nathaniel. We saw each other so rarely that every moment together was extremely valuable, especially knowing what he does every day.

At the simple thought of his clothes soaked in blood and face twisted with pain, fear gripped my heart again. It was so close, and this time I could have lost him forever.

I stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath, rejecting all negative thoughts on the back of my mind, so they wouldn't spoil the magical evening that was awaiting me just on the doorstep.

I pressed the door handle, unable to hold back a smile.

"I'm back! Did you miss me?" I put the food bag on the kitchen cabinet and turned to the sound of footsteps in the hall. "Let's eat while it's warm."

Nath stopped before me, silent. I looked up at his still pale, bruised face, which at that moment didn't express any emotions. I became serious immediately, feeling uneasy.

"Kira..." he began hesitantly, as if afraid to tell me something I didn't want to hear. I swallowed, looking at the large training bag he was holding in his hand. It seemed stuffed to the brim.

"You don't plan to go to the gym, right? You were just discharged from the hospital," I asked. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest, and the buzz in my ears almost drowned out the spoken words. Only then I did notice that he was wearing a jacket as if he were really going to leave. Maybe he wanted to do it while I was still away?

I reflexively clenched my hand on the sweater.

"I was hoping I could leave before you came back," he finally said, staring at me with regret.

"Why did you want to leave? We were supposed to spend the evening together. I brought a toothbrush and …," my voice broke. "Did they tell you to come again?!"

"No."

"Then explain to me, why you tried to slip behind my back?"

He sighed, running his hand through his hair in a gesture of helplessness.

"I didn't know how to tell you that..." He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, as if the next words would hurt him badly. "We have to part."

"You're kidding me, right?" I laughed briefly, but seeing that his face only looked sadder, I fell silent. I cleared my throat, then walked over to him, gently touching his hand with my fingers. He flinched, dropping the bag on the floor.

"Nathaniel, what's up? Why so suddenly? " I asked, almost whispering.

"I didn't tell you this before, but I got an ultimatum. Either I'll leave the city in three days, or next time they will hurt the people I love. I have no choice, Kira. I can't risk yours and Amber's life. You both mean too much to me."

"There is definitely a solution so you don't have to leave! And what with the policeman you were talking about?"

"It's not so simple. They know that I have been in touch with the police and now they're watching my every move. I can't just go to the police station without any consequences."

"So you prefer to throw us out of your life and leave? You really want it, Nath?" I asked angrily, tears coming to my eyes.

For four years I tried to cure my love for him and even pills didn't let me forget. I didn't want to go through all this pain again. Not now, when fate finaly gave us a second chance. I loved him so much that it hurt.

"You can't leave me, Nath. You can't ..." I sobbed, clenching my fists on his jacket.

After a while, tears started running down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, dipping his face into my hair. "It's my fault. I should have never come back to your life, but ..." His tense muscles trembled with emotion while he hugged me tightly. He tried so hard not to show how much he suffered in this moment, and this view only hurt my heart even more. I knew that he felt the same way I did.

"After all these years, I thought I was finally able to forget you," he said again after a moment. "Then you came back to the city and my new, relatively ordered life immediately callopsed under my feet. I wanted to have you in my arms again so badly. I wanted everything to be like it used to be, even knowing that it will never be possible. I tried to stay away from you, replace you with someone else or at least tell myself that you are no longer mine, that you have your own life, maybe someone..." Suddenly his voice broke slightly and he fell silent for a moment, while I stood still in his arms, holding back another wave of tears.

"Then, in the courtyard, you looked hurt. I explained to myself that it was nothing, that I only saw what I wanted to see and I should go back to that random girl. Forget about you once and for all and let you live a peaceful life. But I ran after you like an idiot. I couldn't help myself. Your glassy eyes and face full of regret gave me hope, which I grabbed like a drowning man. "He pulled away from me lightly and brushed my forehead with his lips. "I was a damn, weak egoist. I am really sorry for everything. For every tear you shed because of me."

"Do not say that! Nath, promise me that you will wait for me wherever you are! ”I said, having gathered enough strength to look into his eyes. "I'll come as soon as I get my diploma. I promise you that!”

"No. You deserve someone better than me."

"Fortunately, it's not you who decides that!” His statement upset me. " I don't want anyone else, Nath. Why can't you understand it? It's you that I loved for all these years and I will not stop now because it's bad.”

I put my hands on his cheeks, feeling the wet skin under my fingers.

"I don't want to live without you."

"And what about your future, friends, family? Will you give up all this for me, just like that?" he asked, frowning. "I can't even guarantee that they won't send someone to silence me for good. I don't want you to live in fear. I am not worth it."

"For me, you're worth even more."

I brushed my hair back from my face with a trembling hand. The excess of emotion gave me the impression that I am loosing my breath. I thought of the pills lying somewhere at the bottom of my wardrobe at the dorm and immediately felt my stomach clench. I wanted to be strong, like I used to, instead of feeling overwhelmed by the weight of sadness and helplessness, as if my life was running throught my fingers. I was losing control of everything that only this morning seemed stable. Everything was starting to lose its colors.

"Don't make me go through this again ... I ... I don't know if I will be able to gather myself up once again," I whispered. "I know you don't want this either. Let's do something about this mess together, I beg you...”

Nathaniel didn't answer, only after a moment he pulled me close to him, and when I pressed my body to his torso, he kissed me with such a feeling that I almost got dizzy. I closed my eyes, and he pulled back slightly to kiss the rest of my face, starting from the tip of my nose and ending on my closed eyelids, from under which flowed the last drops of tears. Then he leaned over my ear and I shuddered as his breath gently brushed my neck.

"I'll come up with something, I promise," he said softly. "I will do everything so that you don't have to cry again."

I raised my head and he looked at me with new energy, hope and determination.

I didn't know what made his eyes glow again, but I thanked all the gods I knew that Nath had finally chased away the black clouds hanging over our heads. Suddenly I felt that everything could be okay, that we could somehow get out of this awful situation and fix our lives. Nathaniel deserved happiness, after all he got from life, even if he thought otherwise.

"Don't you dare to forget it" I said, and my voice broke again under the influence of new emotions.

"Never." He didn't teased me, which I really appreciated. I put my arms around him, enjoying the scent of his skin that I knew and loved so much.

Now, even if he leaves, I can manage, because I will be aware that despite the distance and time, we are still together.

I put my hands under his shirt, accidentally brushing the bandage with my fingers. He flinched, but he didn't take a step away, so I slipped them forward, stroking his muscles, which tensed under my touch. I wanted to embrace him like this forever, feel the warmth of his body, steady breaths tickling my skin and hear heart beating under his shirt. This moment was my greatest happiness, my oasis.

"Can you stay with me only for this night?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"I will," he replied.

I raised my head and kissed him, savoring the texture of his soft, impatient lips. I felt his hands tenderly wandering through my hair and arms, as gently as if I were a fragile doll that would break into pieces from one stronger touch. I bent my fingers, sticking the tips of the nails into his skin on the back. He purred as his mouth greedily took mine and I moaned reflexively, which provoked him even more.

Suddenly he took me in his arms and carried me to the room.

"Are you crazy ?! Your wound will reopen!" I shouted.

"Do you really think I'm that soft?" he laughed briefly, and after a while I landed on the blue bedding.

"It's not funny, I'm really worried!" I replied, annoyed.

He took off his jacket, tossed it carelessly on the desk chair and went to the bed on which I sat in a reclining position.

"Then I will prove to you that you have nothing to worry about."

"In the afternoon you said your hips hurt and you move like a cripple," I murmured, frowning.

"I don't remember," he said, feigning surprise. "Someone here probably listened too much to Crowstorm and has hallucinations."

"I wonder who bought me their album," I said, looking at him significantly.

"Definitely some idiot."

I snorted, but immediately began to laugh at the absurdity of this conversation.

Nathaniel lay down next to me, resting his head on his arms and giving me such a tender look that I unknowingly held my breath.

"You don't even know how much one smile of yours give me strength."

"So you must always have me beside you," I noticed.

He paused for a long moment, wandering with a finger thoughtfully across my collarbone. I stared at him, trying to guess what he was thinking, but ultimately I didn't get anything. After a moment he looked up at me, and there was a shadow of sadness in his golden eyes that immediately chilled my blood.

"I'm sorry for earlier. I behaved like an egoist again," he said. "I wanted to protect you, but I didn't think about your feelings at all. I've always been alone in recent years and I'm probably used to it too much."

I wondered if it ever occurred to him that someone might be worried about him? Nathaniel seemed to be the arrogant and unmooved master of the world only from the outside, and in fact he was a lonely and buried up in worry guy, who considered any ask for help as a shameful sign of weakness. Just thinking about it broke my heart.

"You'll never be alone again." I pushed him on his back, stealing a fast kiss, but when I was going to pull away, he grabbed my arms and pulled me on top of him. I shivered in his embrace, feeling his hot lips wandering over my bare shoulder, all the way to my neck. He touched my ear with his tongue, and I moaned, clinging to him even harder. It was then that I realized how much I needed this closeness. I wanted him. I wanted so badly that I could barely stand it.

Nathaniel's muscles tensed under me, and his breathing fastened, catching up with mine. He bit slightly skin on my collarbone, sliding his hands along my back to my buttocks. For every next minute I thought I would go crazy. I got up, took off my blouse and threw it somewhere behind me. Then I reached for the bra, enjoying Nath's gaze, who studied every exposed piece of my body as if I was some precious treasure. But before I could take it off, he grabbed my arms and pushed me onto the mattress, taking a place above me.

"Nath ..." I started, but he quickly silenced me with a kiss. I closed my eyes, entangling my fingers in his blond hair. A voice of reason told me I shouldn't let him, because he had recently left the hospital and must rest to get well soon, but I couldn't gather strength to stop him. I wanted it, and the thought of the inevitable parting only intensified this feeling. I wanted him to feel the love I had for him, and that no matter where he went, he would always have someone to come back to.

I bit my lip, tears welling up again under my eyelids.

"I love you," he whispered suddenly and I held my breath.

You wanted to cross me out of your life, although you love me? Silly boy, I thought, smiling through the tears that, despite my strenuous attempts, finally ran down my cheeks. I've been waiting for these words for so many years, and now that I finally got them, he was going to leave me.

I wanted to answer, but my voice got stuck in my throat. Instead, I kissed him tenderly, feeling the salty taste of my tears on my lips. After a while he pulled away and took off his shirt, under which, apart from wound and old scars were many, still fresh, purple-yellow bruises.

"It's ok," he said, seeing my sudden hesitation. He leaned over me, covering my jaw line, neck and cleavage with kisses, to which my skin immediately reacted with chills. Then he went down. He slipped my bra skillfully, revealing my raised breasts, and in the next moment his tongue circled around my standing nipples. Suddenly I felt burning hot, and I was beginning to lose my mind.

With his free hand, he unhooked my jeans, then took them off smoothly, leaving me in my underwear. I should have felt embarrassed, because it's been many years since I lay naked in front of him, but his eyes denied any complexes that ever crossed my mind. I have never felt so beautiful and as desirable as then.

He slipped his hand under the thin fabric of my underwear, caressing my clitoris, and I writhed under him, scattering my hair oll over the pillows. I threw my arms around his neck, digging my nails into his skin. He kissed me again. First, gently, stroking my hot, thirsty lips, with his tongue and gradually harder, more aggressively, clinging into them like a wild, hungry animal.

I melted in his embrace with pleasure and excitement, like a wax doll - only he could release such a fire in me. I dreamed that this fire would never stop ... that it would burn forever.

I didn't even notice when he unbuttoned his jeans. He slipped my panties off my hips and entered me in a quick, sliding motion, igniting the rest of my senses. My cries of pleasure, mixed with his heavy breathing, rose throughout the room.

I knew that I would never forget this night, and this memory would help me break the painful separation that was waiting for me in a few hours. Despite the distance, our hearts have always been joined, just like our bodies were now.

The next morning, all that was left after Nathaniel, was his scent and a short letter left on blue, matted bedding.

"Wait for me."

#my candy love #mclul #mclul fanfic #nathaniel #fanfiction #episode 16 #amour sucre #corazon de melon #amor doce #dolce flirt

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yaboymercury · 5 years

Text

Ripping 9 to 5 - Doctor

(Re upload since the original was flagged for the pic)

Joe liked his usual doctor he was low energy, understanding and old which meant he was never usually stressed about going for appointment’s. But according to receptionist he’d retired and now he had no choice but ‘Dr Wright’ who had only just finished Med school and this was his first proper job.

It was only one of the last physio sessions for Joe’s recovery from his now-healed broken ankle but it was a pain it was with a new doctor.

His slightly anxious train of thought was interrupted by the receptionist saying that Dr Wright was ready for him.

Joe stood in front of the doctor’s door wondering if he should open it and if he did what he would say and generally overthinking the entire situation. But right as his hand grasped the door knob it was pulled forwards from the other side and with his still faulty angle he collapsed forwards through the entryway.

Fortunately for Joe he fell on something warm and quite quickly to momentarily break his fall. Unfortunately for both of them they both fell backwards onto the floor of the office on top of eachother.

“Shit, as if my first my first day couldn’t get any worse” Joe heard the stern voice mumbling as he blinked opening his eyes. Looking down the other man he couldn’t help but be stunned by him, his golden hair messed up by the fall still looked amazing, and his lips parted groaning in the pain from the fall seemed almost inviting.

But Joe had to get a grip. He was on top of the man who was supposed to be helping him. And with a jolt of pain from his ankle his moaned which unintentionally reminded the doctor of his presence.

“Oh crap sorry this is very unprofessional of me…” The doctor got out from under Joe and stood up brushing himself off and fixing his hair with one hand and offering the other to Joe on the floor “Let me help you up, especially since I probably just worsened your condition” He asked while bending down and giving Joe and apologetic smile.

How managed to get off the floor with the help of the man who introduced himself as Doctor Wright who when standing next to him he realised had an imposing physique standing a bit taller than him but his shoulders jutted out wider and his arms were massive.

Before they could get back into business a blast of freezing air came in through the wide open window making Joe shiver. It was the middle of winter and it was a cold day making Joe question the doctors sanity. His puzzled look at the window was noticed by the Doctor who again apologized explaining:

“Yeah it was getting quite stuffy in here and my last patient had some complaints so I had to open it, that didn’t stop him from leaving though”

“Why did he leave?” Joe asked a bit worried at the legitimacy of the doctor.

“Oh no nothing really that bad I think he just needed fresh air” He said with an embaressed smile scratching the back of his head. The doctor was so damn charming that it erased any doubt in Joe’s mind and just left him blushing.

After closing the windows Wright offered Joe a seat opposite him “Again sorry about all the informalities, let’s just help I can help your ankle”

“Don’t worry I’m sure you can do anything to help..” Joe trailed away not sure what he was saying and worried he was coming on too strong luckily the doctor ignored this.

He continued explaining all they had to do were a few stretches to help train the muscles. The bad news was that the stretches would be guided by the doctor, meaning a lot of physical contact, which Joe wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle.

“Okay so the first one is easy” He was standing in front of Joe but facing away, this was his first time noticing the doctor’s ass which was seemingly barely being held back by his work trousers which only helped emphasise the shape of his ass. One of his legs was now on the bed surface and he was stretching to his side, but all Joe could look at was how it contorted his ass and how amazing it looked when it moved.

“So do you get it?” Joe’s fantasy was interrupted and the doctor turned around to face the spaced out man. Joe had completely forgotten the stretch but instead of reprimanding him the Doctor only smiled and said “Okay that’s fine let me guide you through it”

Before Joe could even splutter out a response the doctor was behind him holding his waist in one hand and his inner thigh in the other. It was so intimate, Joe was practically being grinded on by how closer the doctor’s bulge was to his ass.

“Hah sorry about how close this is guess I should tell you I’m James by the way, always polite to at least tell them your name first” Oh god he was making sex jokes at a time like this, Joe was beginning to sweat as all he could do was force out a chuckle at the doctor who was practically groping him.

“Okay now I’m just going to raise your left leg onto the bed slowly and stabilise you with my other hand securely on your waist” Joe’s leg began to rise easily but as he did he realised a familiar feeling in his ass it was full of gas , shit shit shit, he couldn’t let it out now, not like this. His panic increased as his leg got onto the bed.

“Doc are you sure you need to show me all this I think my ankle is feeling fine actually?” Joe asked quickly.

“Hah yeah you’re funny, I like funny guys, but no I saw your x-rays your going to need all the stretches you can get” What the hell does he mean by he likes funny guys, is he gay as well? Joe knew he could worry about that now the James was pushing his waist so his upper body stretched towards his leg only straining Joe’s asshole more to try and hold it in.

But it couldn’t.

Prrrrrrrrrrrrt

It was an obvious clear sound followed quickly by the stink of the beans on toast Joe had eaten for breakfast. Joe actually enjoyed the smell of his own brew but he doubted the doctor felt the same was, especially when it’s right on his crotch.

He tried to find words to express apology, to make an excuse, to lighten the situation. But all he could do was splutter. Joe even tried to scuff his foot on the floor to make a similar sound but the carpet was incapable of this and the smell was undeniable.

Facing the consequences he turned his head a little to meet the face of the doctor who still held his waist.

“Wheeew guess that comes with the territory pretty stinking though I’d give it a strong 6 put of 10” he said grinning at Joe.

Joe was shocked. Why wasn’t this man disgusted surely this situation would be embaressing for both of them. So why was the only thing Joe could think to say…

“Only a six?” he got out as he turned around to face the other man who seemingly refused to take his hands of his waist, feeling the warmth radiating from him made Joe blush a little more.

“Not to brag..” James said shaking his ass with one of his hands behind his back which Joe wished he got a better view of “..but I’m pretty much a gas machine, back in my dorm at uni they used to call me 'Dr Stink’ and I kinda lived up to that name”

Momentarily regretting all he had said the Doctor’s voice became a little more coy finishing his explanation “So again not to brag but that burst of yours pales in comparison…”

Both of them were left in silence with Joe being stunned by the apparently stinky Doctor’s reveal.

Still surrounded in the smell of Joe’s emission James decided to break the tension with an awkward smile saying “So let’s continue with the stretches!”

Again standing facing away from Joe with his entrancing ass on show he made a wide stance with his feet apart and looked back at him.

“So this one’s a little easier just a basic forwards stretch, now copy my stance and we’ll do it together”

Joe stood the only place he could fit in the modest office, right behind him. James began to bend down until he reached the ground as he did so his ass began to almost break the seems of his trousers trying to escape with part of his crack showing at the top. Joe had to try not to stare but it was the only thing in his line of sight.

“Like what you see?” James was looking back at Joe from in between his legs, he caught him staring. He asked the question light-heartedly but Joe knew his answer would have been yes. “Well anyway you need to copy the stretch so come on”

Joe had nothing else to do except follow not wanting to be more awkward. It wasn’t until he began to bend forward that he realised how close his face was getting to the Doctor’s amazing ass. When his face got as close to the butt as it could from bending he couldn’t help but look up at it, he couldn’t resist.

The moment he looked up.

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPT

The air around his face shook, the force of the blast blew his hair since it was so close and he could feel the heat of it. Then the stink followed swiftly invading Joe’s senses with its rotten eggy stench.

“Ah I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist so I prepared a little punishment, oh and I also wanted to make sure you know that I live up to my title of 'Dr Stink’ after all.”

In his weak stance and so overpowered Joe’s legs gave out and he collapsed on the floor of the office coughing in the gas cloud which surrounded him.

Once again the doctor helped him off the ground and once again the doctor held his patient by the waist. James looked a little embaressed but mainly triumphant.

“I probably should have held back a bit more but at least you know what I can do” the doctor said winking at the patient in his hands.

Between coughs Joe managed to say “Yeah and it fucking reeks aren’t doctors supposed to make you healthier??” Joe managed to get out a smile with the last claim finding the humour in the situation.

Instead of laughing at the claim however he just smirked wrapping his hands around Joe’s wrists. “Well this doctor has noticed you staring at his ass and his ass had something to say about it” Smirking as he said the sentence he guided Joe’s hands to his ass so he could get a good feel.

Joe knew he should be more embaressed but all he could bring himself to do was grab at James’s ass. All room for rational thought had gone.

“I think by this point Joe we’ve moved past any pretence” in the middle of the sentence James let out a short fart on Joe’s hands which soon added to the stench surrounding the two. He pulled himself out of Joe’s arms and walked to the door locking it and then walked over to the window to shut the blinds. As he began to unbutton his shirt revealing his toned chest, he looked back to Joe and continued “You’ve been quite an unprofessional patient so I’m afraid this appointment will have to use some more extreme treatment”

Approaching closer to Joe who was getting more intimidated and aroused by the second he turned around in front of him and unzipped his trousers “It’s a treatment which I specifically specialise in and only I can cure your condition with”

He pulled his trousers slowly down letting his bare uncovered ass spill out in all it’s plentiful glory “That condition being the one barely held back by your underwear specifically”

Joe hadn’t even fully noticed the fact that his penis was completely stiff and easily visible in his jeans. He was lost for words and confused at what specifically about the situation was turning him on but before he could try and reason with him.

“So if we are going to continue with the procedure I’m going to need you to lie down on the bed so we can begin” Joe gulped at this knowing that whatever smelly treatment James gave him he wouldn’t be able to cope with it. He had a very sensitive nose and just one fart from the doctor nearly made him pass out. But he lost all rational thought when the barely clothed James grabbed his waist and began kissing his neck making his way up to his face and eventually on his mouth. It wasn’t the most romantic situation but the sensuality and intimacy overcame Joe as he gave in completely.

As they were kissing Joe managed to pull off his shirt and wriggle out of his trousers. Once he was only in his boxers James managed to lead him to the bed so he could fall back on it.

James bent over the bed so he could look down at the sprawled out man underneath him. Smiling down at Joe he teased him rubbing his bulge underneath the thin layer of fabric.

“I didn’t think I’d find a suitable sniffer on my first day so I’m shocked that a cute man like you would just stumble into my door and just let me start gassing him up.” In a quick flip of his leg James was straddling Joe with his ass over his chest and his erect dick pointing towards Joe’s underwear.

Backing his ass up closer to Joe’s face, Joe was getting more and more nauseated at the pure stench of his ass. The smell of stale farts drifted up his nostrils. Giving one last look back at him James winked “Hope you enjoy your prescription”

Then it smothered him James’s bare sweaty taint was on Joe’s face with his hole perfectly aligned with his nose.

FRRRRRRRRRRRRP

PPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRARP

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAP

The barrage seemed endless and the gas began intoxicating Joe’s brain clouding any sense he had leading him to mindlessly moan simultaneously for freedom but also for more.

Then Joe felt James start sucking on his dick getting him closer to the release he needed and also the stimulation of their bodies increased as James began writhing on top of him rubbing his cock on Joe’s chest for further stimulation for himself.

FRRRRRT

PRRRRRRRRT

BRRAAAAAAAPT

The farts became less long but more frequent and had more power behind them helped by the fact that with James’s thrusting his ass was now beating against Joe’s face.

PRAAAAAAAP

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPT

PHHHHHHHRT

The stink was becoming so overwhelming but the pleasure was as well. Joe’s thoughts were becoming clouded by the rotten stench of James’s gas.

PRRRRRRRRAPT

That last blast was enough to push him over the edge with its extra hot burst of sour smelling stench. He came in James’s mouth and moaned into his ass. Seconds after he felt warmth on his stomach and a muffled moan and triumphant laugh from above signalling that James had release as well.

He could barely hear it from under his ass but he could make out: “Just one more….”

Fsssssssssssssssssssssssh

It was worse than anything else Joe had experienced and it all went straight up his nose singing his nose hair and the toxic stink pushed him over the edge. Passing out he all he experienced was the powerful stink, the heat on his face and the muffled sound of proud laughter.

Joe came to on the same bed but under a blanket and suitably cleaned up. The sun was setting reminding Joe of how much of the day he had lost. The room still had the faint stale stink of James’s gas proving it wasn’t all some crazy fever dream.

On the table next to him was a business card with a phone number next to 'Dr. James Wright’ on one side and some writing on the other.

'Patient seemed to react well to treatment but is under threat of facing repeat symptoms. Must report back at least weekly for repeat treatment and specific therapy’

It seemed to Joe that he was going to have to get used to his new prescription.

#eproctophilia #fart #fart story #fartfiction #gay #gay fart #male fart #stink #flatulence #r9t5 #man fart #reupload

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boymeetsweevil · 6 years

Text

For Science 2/7

Grouping: Reader x Nerd!Jungkook

Word Count: ~8.6k lmao where is this going idek

Warnings/Themes: not much honestly just some good old fashioned heavy petting and dry humping :) because why not?

Summary: Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science.

part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

The next time you see Jungkook is a few days later when classes have started back up for the week. You spent a good 20 minutes that morning staring up at your ceiling wondering if today would be the day that the consequences of your drunken voyeurism party would come back to haunt you. Jungkook isn’t necessarily someone that can’t keep secrets, but given that he’s a bit of a novice when it comes to sex, you’re not sure whether he’ll keep his mouth shut. And as appealing as cutting class would have been, you can’t risk your grades in your junior year and with applications for jobs looming over your head with one year left.

When you emerge from the food court holding your lunch tray, you head to the patch of grass on the quad that you and the guys like to frequent. From the short distance away, you can see that Tae has just sat down to join Hoseok. Jungkook is nowhere to be found and you’re secretly glad you don’t have to deal with him watching you walk over. You give them a nod as you sit down, careful not to spill your food or the precious brownie wrapped up in the corner well of the tray.

“How was Friday night,” Tae asks over a mouthful of tuna sandwich.

“It was fine, why do you ask.” Your voice remains level as you unwrap your sandwich, but you don’t make eye contact.

“What do you mean ‘why’? Jungkook can’t handle his liquor and always throws up if he has more than one beer. Did he even make it to your apartment? No one heard anything from either of you for the whole weekend.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that after the uber left,” Hoseok nods sympathetically.

“Shut up,” you laugh, throwing a crumpled wad of plastic wrap at him. “You weren’t thinking about anything. You were knocked out like your BAC was .9.”

“At least I wasn’t…”

“At least you weren’t what? Because whatever you’re going to critique me for, I didn’t do.”

“Didn’t do what,” Jungkook asks as he approaches the area where you’re all seated on the grass.

“Didn’t do you,” Hoseok snorts.

Jungkook pauses with his chicken nugget in midair. “What exactly are we talking about?”

“You don’t remember asking her to deflower you so you’d be a better lay for Yoori? Man, you really are a lightweight. I don’t get it. You’re tall and muscly, it makes no sense.”

“You really don’t remember?” Tae leans over to look at Jungkook with concern.

“I remember what I remember,” is all he says before digging into his lunch without another word. Your relief is short lived because the topic switches only slightly when Taehyung asks about Yoori.

“When did you say she was coming back, again?”

Jungkook’s eyes crinkle with subdued excitement. “She said she was coming back in a month.”

“Well, you’d better start working on that v-card issue then.”

“I’m sure that I’ll come up with some sort of solution,” he shrugs and pushes up his glasses with his middle finger. “Can you go back in line and get me more chicken nuggets, Hoseok?”

“Why me?”

“You’re the only one who’s done eating.” When Hoseok refuses to budge, Jungkook brandishes his ID card like it’s a thick wad of cash. “You can buy whatever you want while you’re up there. On me.”

“Deal,” he snatches the card away before turning to Tae. “Come stand in line with me.”

You turn to watch the two of them go, snorting at how much they resemble tweedle dee and tweedle dum.

“You couldn’t stand in line yourself, hotshot?”

“I just wanted to talk with you privately,” he mumbles while playing with the grass.

“Oh. Is it about this weekend?”

“Yeah. I’ve been giving it some thought and honestly...”

Here comes the rejection, you think. But technically you weren’t even dating, much less together, so how could you be getting rejected? And it was his idea in the first place, so he definitely can’t reject you. The thoughts come at you all at once, inundating you until you’re staring above his head at nothing, trying not to shriek in frustration.

“Hello? Where are you right now, Mars?” Jungkook lays a hand on your shoulder, breaking your reverie.

“What?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Uh. No, sorry. What did you say?” You raise your shoulder so his hand slides off on its own, bracing yourself for his next words.

“I said I think we should make it a weekend thing instead of just one day a week.”

“Really? Why?”

“Think about the math for starters. We’d meet maybe four more times if Yoori’s actually coming back in a month. But that’s not nearly enough time to test for variables or come up with a formula. Much less master technique. And think of all the instruments I still don’t have a good familiarity with.”

“Jungkook--”

“I figure with weekends, we could triple the amount of raw time we have. And if we’re really being sticklers for detail, we could more than triple the amount of practice situations if we operate under the assumption that it will be mainly just you acting as the test subject.” His hands flutter as he talks until they land like birds in his hair and turn it into a deranged looking nest.

“Jungkook.”

“I read on Sunday that vaginal orgasms can occur in series and since most of the sessions will be focused on you, we don’t have to factor in the more singular penile orgasms or refractory periods and--”

“Are you really talking about your dick like it’s a limiting reagent right now?”

“Yes,” he stops his rambling to look at you through his lenses, the glass making his eyes appear even rounder and shinier. “Should I not do that?”

“You know what? It’s fine. Weekends are fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Are you sure? Your voice is starting to sound a little...hysterical.”

“No, it’s really fine. I’ll just stay over at your place this week after Fortnite.”

“Crap, I forgot about Fortnite. We were so close to being able to compete in the town tournament.”

“It’s fine, just move it to another day of the week.”

“But how will I explain that to Tae and Hoseok without raising suspicion?”

You gnaw on the corner of your lip until an idea comes to you. “Just tell them that my test scores went down a lot and you have to tutor me. Happens to Hoseok all the time.”

“But there’s no way your results would go down enough for you to need tutoring all weekend long for a month’s worth of weekends. You’re way too smart for that.”

“Y-you think so?” His words make your cheeks warm up and you smile up at him shyly.

His brow furrows. “Of course you’re smart. You know that.”

“Obviously I know, but I…didn’t know you thought that way too.”

“I’d be crazy not to,” he smiles softly at you.

“Here are your damn nuggets, you lazy baby.”

A tray piled high with nuggets and baked goods comes crashing down from Hoseok’s hands with a scary accuracy into Jungkook’s lap. Hoseok never ceases to amaze you with the speed at which he can ruin a nice mood. There’s no sense in mourning a one-sided moment, though, so you just scoop up a stray nugget and nibble. Hoseok sits down roughly onto the green with chocolate stains around his mouth, the cherry tart in his hand seems to be his next victim. Jungkook chokes on a lettuce leaf.

“Just how much did you troglodytes buy!?”

“Not that much,” Tae looks guilty as he peels the wrapper off a drumstick ice cream cone.

“Don’t act like you can’t just reload the missing funds,” Hoseok points a syrupy finger in Jungkook’s direction, “You have that programming money, asshole.”

You shake your head and gesture for Tae to grab what he can and leave them to it.

The most daunting thing about the whole arrangement is that during the rest of the week Jungkook manages to act like he’s hasn’t come over to your apartment to watch and help you get off for the sake of being better lover to Yoori. He’s completely nonchalant in the way that he sits next to you when you all get together to strategize for robotics competitions, his elbow brushing yours the entire time. When Hoseok uses Jungkook’s newfound virginity again to knock him down a peg during a study session where he keeps mock-grading Hoseok’s answers down, he doesn’t bat an eyelash. It’s not like Jungkook has suddenly become cool, though. He still eats like a 5-year-old weight lifter. And he still falls asleep on the floor of Tae’s room only to wake up with the shape of his glasses imprinted onto his face. He still looks across the room with lightning speed and holds out his hand like he did when you were kids because he wants you on his team when you guys stumble upon a spontaneous Super Smash Bros being hosted in Tae’s dorm lobby. Jungkook is still just as much himself as he was before you spread your legs for him and you can’t tell if that makes you happy or sad.

Friday rolls around and you spend 2 hours more than usual getting ready for Fortnite at Jungkook’s. The funny part is that you never ‘got ready’ before. But now you’re taking a 40 minute shower to shave basically every hair that grows below your eyelashes and using the previously unopened lotion your mother bought you from the Clinique store a birthday ago. You even put on a mud mask you bought on a whim once and sing a little song called ‘this isn’t a date’ the whole time it dries on your face. By the time you leave your apartment to head over, your whole body is moisturized, glowing, hairless, and fragrant. You empty out your backpack and fill it with the things you’ll need for the weekend so as not to raise suspicion with an overnight bag. Though it’s significantly lighter because its not filled with textbooks and toolkits, you still feel like you’re carrying a huge weight on your shoulders as you knock on Jungkook’s door.

Taehyung is the first to greet you because he’s the one who gets sent to open the door.

“Weird,” he blurts out. He quickly regrets saying anything when your mouth drops open.

“I look weird?”

“I don’t know,” he studies you as you both make your way to small set up of consoles in the middle of the dorm’s living area. “Guys, doesn’t she look weird?”

“Excuse me. I don’t want to do this right now. Nothing’s weird.”

“You do look weird,” Hoseok chimes in and puts down his controller to stalk forward. “But your hair is doing that same…shape it always does. And you’re not, like, wearing something nice for a change.”

All you can do is gape at their rude comments as they circle around you.

“Kook, come check this out. She look different to you?”

Jungkook approaches slowly and looks you over with the rest of them. When it was just Taehyung and Hoseok, you could at least make angry eye contact and flick them in the forehead when they got too close. But with Jungkook also looking at you, it feels like you’re glued by your feet to the floor, unable to move.

“You don’t really look all that different. You smell a little different, though.”

The other two sniff the air before letting out matching yells of agreement and crowding you further to guess the smell. You have to give Hoseok a purple nurple when his nose starts to tickle your neck but you’re too exhausted to shake Taehyung off and endure him linking arms with you as you walk to your seats to continue sniffing your hairline.

“What’d you do? Run out of that dollar store lotion you use,” Hoseok jokes as he tosses you a controller.

“Yes,” you deadpan just to get him off your back. Jungkook scoots his chair next to yours, getting into the normal team pairings. When he gets close enough, you lean over, sheepish, and ask, “Do I smell weird? Be honest.”

“No,” he pats your thigh reassuringly before redirecting his gaze at the TV. “You smell good.”

Although you’re relieved that no one really questioned your slight change in presentation, you can’t settle fully into the game night because you’re practically vibrating with excited nerves. You’ve stayed the night with hookups in the sense that you were too tired to leave directly after a one night stand so you crashed with them in their beds and snuck out at dawn. But this would be different. While it wasn’t a full-on sleepover with a main squeeze, it was still better than doing the walk of shame from a stranger’s apartment at 6 am. And it would be a weekend with Jungkook. After a few hours of trying to hide the childlike smile on your face and having your character nearly die every round, the gang calls it quits.

“Hey, what’s up with you,” Hoseok calls from across the room. “Why do you suck at playing tonight?”

“Just thought it might be interesting to play like you do for a change,” you snark. Taehyung and Jungkook both grimace for Hoseok, who opts for flipping you the bird instead.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say this is just misplaced passion between us.”

“Good thing you know better.”

Thinking of Hoseok as anything other than an annoying friend has your skin crawling, but you do give him a pat on the back as a silent ‘good game’.

“Should we go out for ice cream? The night is still young. And you’re out of ice cream,” Taehyung calls from where is head is practically buried inside the freezer.

“Sorry, guys. I’m video calling with RealiCorp tomorrow at 8am about some software updates and I have to get to bed so I can be sharp.”

“You don’t have to come. We can get ice cream just the three of us,” Taehyung says as he slips on his shoes.

“I think I’m gonna have to take a rain check as well,” you perch yourself on the armrest of the couch facing the consoles. “I’m on a diet, so I think I’ll just go home.”

“And the reason you’re not getting up go now is?” Hoseok eyes how comfortable you look in your spot and raises an eyebrow.

“It’s dark outside and it’s not safe for me to walk back. I’m calling an uber.”

“Lame, but safety first, I guess.” He wraps an arm around Taehyung and pulls the door open. “You gonna treat your senior to a snow cone?”

You wait for their figures to disappear down the road before turning to look at Jungkook.

“You don’t really have a RealiCorp meeting.”

He grins. “How’d you know?”

“Easy. RealiCorp offices are in New York and 7pm their time is way too late for a minor business call.”

“You caught me. Are you really on a diet?”

“What do you think?” He snorts and raises his palms in surrender.

“I’m gonna go shower, but I’ll see you in a bit.”

You watch him retreat to the bathroom and suddenly you’re glad he’s gone because there is very little time before he watches you get off again.

Quickly you bring your bag to his bedroom and settle on his mattress and wait. To kill time, you look around the room. The superhero movie posters that cover a generous amount of the wall space and the wall length bookshelf that is covered with stacks of comic books depicting the same stories the movies do all scream ‘nerd’. So does the giant monitor with a large terminal blinking on it and pair of laptops on his desk. The laundry basket has three different shirts with Big Bang Theory quotes on them. You shake your head and recall the day you’d bought them for him off Etsy. You weren’t a fan of the show yourself but he loved to watch it for the jokes and to poke holes in the scientific jargon the characters would spew.

“You notice anything new,” he asks as he walks in, shutting the door behind him while he scrubs at his wet hair with a towel.

“No. Did you add something?”

“Yeah,” he says, pointing to the wall that holds the room’s sole window. There’s a large felt flag with the RealiCorp logo embroidered onto it.

“Oh. Nice flag.”

“Not that, that’s old.” He walks over and gestures a hand underneath the flag. Beneath the flag are a handful of photos off you, Taehyung, and Hoseok from over the years. You remember each of the specific moments in which they were taken.

“You’re not in any of them,” you murmur.

“I know. But I don’t need a picture of myself. I know what I looked like and what I was feeling. Having a photo of you guys is the main thing.”

The softness of his tone makes your heart ache. Jungkook is a sentimental genius, a rare breed. With every fiber of your being you wish that he could be yours. You’ve spent around a decade of your life loving him from afar despite the fact that you’re best friends. But you’re prepared to spend another decade doing it if that’s the way you can stay in each other’s lives. The sooner you commit to that fate, the less cloudy this weird thing you have going on will make your brain and the less it will hurt when it’s over and you watch Yoori get to have him.

“Oh, I have something for you.”

He retrieves a brown paper bag from under his desk and dumps the contents on the bed while you strip off your loose joggers. From the bag fall a giant tube of lubricant and a few sex toys. Your peer down at the trinkets with an amused expression while he putters around his room. When he sits down again, you finally take note of his outfit.

Junkgkook is in his mottled and self-distressed hoodie and threadbare sweats that his dad bought him from the school co-op when he got his acceptance letter 4 years ago. It’s an outfit you’re very familiar with because he often wears it whenever you all are dealing with messy things. Like oil changes, painting the exterior of fighter bots, or baking with Hoseok. Now that his hair isn’t soaking wet, he has his bangs pushed away from his face with a thin headband and sleek goggles replace his chunky black frames. You weren’t going to say anything but then you saw the small notebook and pen clutched in his grasp.

“Okay. What the hell is that outfit?”

“You act like you’ve never seen me in my researching clothes before.”

“I have, but you’re not dissecting a drone you found in a dumpster, you’re looking at my vagina.”

“Proper lab attire is an integral part of any successful experiment,” he waves an admonishing finger at you.

“You’re calling sweatpants with cheese stains on them ‘proper lab attire’?”

“This isn’t an efficient use of our time,” he huffs.

“Oh my god, okay fine.” The energy in the room is a little more chaotic than it was before but it provides you with the push needed to get your panties down and trapped around an ankle and you clambering into a half prone position. “Let the experimentation begin.”

Jungkook waits for you to part your knees before shuffling into his spot between your legs. He ducks his head to peer at your exposed folds before scribbling down some notes.

“What are you writing?”

“Nothing much. Just making note of the initial appearance so I can compare towards the end. Can I touch you? My hands are clean, I promise.”

“Uh, yeah, go ahead.”

Clearly he remembered more than he let on from that first night because he goes straight for your clit like you mentioned before. Slowly, he reaches a pointer finger out to poke. The sudden pressure, though light, has you jumping.

“Sorry,” he looks up at you from behind his frames, “I forgot how sensitive it is.”

“It’s okay,” you tell him as you focus your gaze on the ceiling. You’re trying hard to maintain a semblance of professionalism.

When his finger stops skimming, he’s a little too far south and you tell him so. He adjusts and manages to find it the second time around. He looks at your face carefully to gauge the reaction and is a little disappointed to see that you look bored. He tries circling his fingertip around the little nub, but the pressure is too light and almost ticklish. You snicker quietly and he gives up.

“This isn’t working. You don’t look like you’re having any fun,” he pouts.

“Kook, this isn’t about me. And this is supposed to be educational, not fun.”

“But its only educational for me if you’re having fun. What else can I do?

“What do you mean, you’re doing fine.”

“I did the finger thing and it didn’t do anything. All you did was laugh.”

“No one is laughing at you, though.”

“What about this,” he asks and you have to look back down to see what he’s talking about.

You realize he’s talking about the small bullet vibrator that lay amongst the things he brought in the brown paper bag. He holds it up to your face so you can get a better view of what it is. You look away, already very familiar with it because you have a blue version in the shoebox under your bed.

“Some people do use those to get off, that’s true.”

“Then let’s put this in. It has a USB in it. Will it collect data?”

“Slow your roll. That thing is more for direct clit stimulation than insertion. It’s the same thing I used on myself last time, remember?”

You watch him inspect it. He finds the power button and turns it onto its lowest setting. The low buzz fills the room and reminds you just what type of activities you’re engaging in. Without a warning he lays the vibrating toy where he thinks remembers your clit is. He’s right and the sudden vibrations have one of your legs kicking out involuntarily. You let out a yelp and try to scramble backwards, but the headboard keeps you in your spot.

“Fuck!”

Jungkook throws back his head and laughs. It’s the type of laugh he does where its strong and high and rolling. In most situations its infectious, but here you’re mad that he’s taking advantage of your natural reactions.

“Your leg did that last time too,” he giggles before quickly writing down your reaction. “This is fun.”

He approaches you with the toy again, this time remembering to circle your clit like you had demonstrated before. You just barely keep a moan from escaping. This time your eyes roll into the back of your head at the feeling assaulting your clit.

“Wow,” he breathes.

Again, he hurries to jot everything down in quick script with his free hand. In the porn he’d watched, it seemed like all rubbing a woman’s clit would get you was a coy smile and a musical lilting moan. Your reaction was far more visceral than he had expected. The way your back arched upwards looked almost painful, but there was something graceful about the way your body just took over.

“Okay,” you say harshly. You can feel the pricks of sweat creeping along your hairline and spine. Your body thinks its getting sex soon, but its mistaken. “I think that’s enough learning for today.”

“Oh, come on. We only did one round,” he whines.

“Pfft. That wasn’t even one round. I didn’t cum.”

His nose scrunches in confusion as he jots that down. “You didn’t? Then what was all that flailing you did and the stuff with your face.”

“I’m just…responsive. That’s all.”

“Well, you can’t quit. We agreed to do this all weekend, remember?”

“I know,” you sigh, and cover your eyes with your hands, “Let’s…just move on, okay? What do you think the next step is?”

He frowns a little, the corners of his mouth turning down anxiously. He reaches for one of the toys he brought, a slightly larger than average size dildo, and clutches it in two hands before inching it towards your pelvis.

“No,” your hands come out quickly before he impales you. “Jungkook, think. What’s missing from this situation? Why might it be too early for that?”

“Hold on,” he asks picking up his pen and paper and pinning you with a quizzical look. “Say that again?”

“You can’t just jump to inserting foreign objects.”

He furrows his brows. You watch as his thinking face comes out: the cute scrunched nose, cute pursed lips, cute round eyes filled with confusion. After a few beats, he comes up with something, his fingers snapping with the small victory.

“If I were jerking off right now,” you fight to keep the image from surfacing in your head, “I would need to make sure the friction wouldn’t cause lacerations or inflammation. And I bought this.” He hands you the gaudy pink bottle of lube and you frown once you read the label. Upon further inspection, you can see that its actually just hand cream. Cherry scented.

“Partial credit,” you say, handing it back to him.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s not real lube and I don’t want a yeast infection.”

“But this is the only one I got,” he pouts.

His dejected face makes you want to wrap him up in the duvet. There is a solution he’s not thinking of, and you suppose there’s no better time than the present for someone to learn about foreplay. The possible complications that could arise are present in the back of your mind, but you figure since you’re doing this all for Yoori, you should go big or go home.

“Jungkook, are you forgetting the vaginas are self-lubricating? That’s a rookie move, even for you.”

His bright smile returns. “How could I forget. But how do we jumpstart the lubrication process? What’s the catalyst?”

“Well, you have to be,” you search for an elegant word but can’t find one, “You have to be turned on.”

“Well, what do I have to do to turn you on?”

The question is innocent in and of itself. But the way that Jungkook tilts his head like an eager puppy, lip trapped between his even, white teeth, smelling like soap and safety makes your stomach do flip flops. He looks up at you, and ponders what it would take to get your folds to become sticky with arousal like they were last time. His hands fidget with the pen and notebook, clearly at a loss for ideas about what the next step is.

“I-it’s different for every person. But foreplay is generally the best way to work someone up.”

His pen moves at an impressive speed as he writes down your words. “Fourplay? Like the number four?”

“Not really, no. I mean if you adhere to, like, the four bases, then sure.”

“What bases?”

“You know what I mean. The bases. The four F’s.” When he merely blinks up at you, no recognition suddenly lighting up his eyes, you realize he’s way more inexperienced than you thought. “French, feel, finger, fuck? Never heard of them?”

“Nope,” he says.

“Okay. Um, it’s a baseball metaphor for sex. Or, more accurately, the events that can lead up to it and then sex. The first one, French, refers to french kissing.”

“What’s Feel stand for?”

“Feel as in feeling someone up or groping them. Finger is pretty straight forward, it stands for fingering but really could be anything you do with the hands. And I guess oral falls into that category too.”

“Fuck is the whole sex, right?”

“Yes, it’s…the whole sex. But maybe just call it sex from now on?”

“Right,” he says. “Which ones would you need in order to lubricate?”

Your cheeks heat. “They’re all pretty much fine for me. I mean the order is pretty appropriate.”

His expression slowly morphs into one of intense thought before it contorts again into nervousness. “I’ve only ever kissed someone once. In middle school. I don’t remember it, but I don’t think I was very good at it.”

“Well, we don’t have to if you’re—”

“No, no, I wanna do it. It’ll be good if we do this now, so I can spend the rest of the time improving. You can help me. I’m sure Yoori likes to kiss people as well,” he says resolutely.

You shake your head to dislodge the idea of Yoori sitting on a throne and watching the evening’s events play out.

“Okay. Maybe we should just focus on one at a time, then.”

“Yeah.”

He tries to shuffle up next to you with his notebook and pen, but you make him leave them by the foot of the bed, explaining that he likely won’t be able to take notes anyway. Once he’s sitting next to you by the pillows, he awkwardly turns to you, neck craned at an uncomfortable angle. You sigh. He’s really not doing anything to help build an ambiance and you have to do it all yourself. You start by reaching out to take off his lab goggles, trying not to laugh at the pink lines they left on his face.

“I can’t see,” he pipes up as soon as you become a blurry shape in front of him.

“You weren’t wearing your contacts under those?”

“I don’t wear contacts. They’re too much of a hassle. And the goggles have prescription in them. It’s easier that way.”

“It’s fine. Most people close their eyes for this anyway.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s easier than trying to focus on someone’s face an inch in front of you. Plus, it feels nice so you just kind of…close them.”

He merely nods and you turn to face him fully. His eyes are squeezed shut and his shoulders are nearly brushing his ears with how tensely he’s holding them.

“Kook,” you whisper, “Why are you all hunched up?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I just got scared for a second. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. There’s no need to worry.”

“How do these things normally begin?”

“Honestly? You just feel it coming when the mood is right. For now though, either one of us could just start.”

“Maybe I can start,” you’re surprised to hear him volunteering, “And you can take over if I get stuck.”

“Okay,” you whisper as he inches towards you.

You relax your jaw and let your eyes fall closed. Clearly he’s close or else you wouldn’t be able to smell his clean shower gel scent, but a few moments pass and he hasn’t done anything. You’re about to open your mouth to ask him if he’s alright when he finally swoops in and plants a swift peck on your lips before backing away. It was too fast to really be anything close to a kiss. More just a dry bump of lips. You open your eyes again to find him peering at your nervously.

“I got stuck,” he mumbles. Even though he’s a few months older than you, the small way he sits after having had his second kiss makes you feel powerful. Not superior, just capable of taking care of him and showing him ‘the ropes’, whatever they may be.

“That’s okay.” You reach a hand out to glide across his cheek and settle in the hair at the nape of his neck and guide him forward. “You’ll get the flow in no time.”

The kiss starts out dry once again, Jungkooks lips are still closed a bit tightly due to his clenched jaw. But some gentle strokes of the shell of his ear with your thumb help coax him into following the way your lips caress his as best he can. It is, admittedly, a bit awkward at first because his rhythm is off, and you can tell he’s frustrated when you open an eye to peek at him and spy his hands scraping at his knees. He tilts his head, nose brushing yours softly, and then suddenly things slot into place. He manages to sync up with you when he pivots a bit and traps your bottom lip. A little surprised breath leaves you as the kiss stops feeling so one-sided and he pushes forward, emboldened by your response. You let the kiss carry on for a while now that the locomotion seems stable enough to be self-sustained. It’s not until his hands bump against your knee for the third time that you pull back minutely.

“You know, in a situation like this,” you bring one of his hands to rest at the curve of your neck, “It’s okay to consider touching her too.”

He can only nod at you, eyes hooded and a little cross eyed as he tries to focus on your silhouette without his glasses, before licking his lips and edging back in. This time he takes the lead. It starts softly, but you definitely don’t mind. His hair feels like silk in between your fingers and the hand you lay on his ribcage doesn’t scare him off. In fact, he seems to want to even the playing field now that you have both your hands on him and moves his free hand to your waist. The weight of his hand feels heavy and hot, and the area of his grasp as his fingers splay out over you reminds you just how big they are.

Jungkook, being as affectionate as he is, doesn’t need to be told he can wander and soon his hand starts to pet a path down your side and across the small of your back in a mindless, slightly oblong cycle. You can feel the butterflies you felt earlier in your belly getting replaced with a familiar pressure, a faithful precursor to the exact slickness between your thighs that started this heavy petting session. But you figure, there’s all weekend and you’re in no rush. If you had a little devil on your shoulder it would be telling you to draw things out, reminding you that learning is something that takes time, and Jungkook loves to learn more than anyone else you know.

Your pull away again slightly, opting for pressing small iterative kisses on his lips and he chases your mouth, not ready to stop. Pushing forward, you leave kisses like stepping stones until he gets the hint and allows you to guide him into lying propped up on his back.

“It’s easier like this. Easier than sitting up, I mean,” you mutter when you finally have him gazing up at you from the pillows. You lay a hand a few inches below his heart, feeling how it races as he lay under you. “It’s also easier for me too if I sit like this.”

“Right.”

He watches you intently as you swing a leg over so you can straddle him and sit yourself in his lap. As soon as do, his hands return to your waist and yours settle on his biceps. Neither of your keep your hands in your initial starting positions and soon your hands end up back in his hair again. A long while passes before you realize that you still haven’t quite reached the first F.

“Jungkook,” you breathe between kisses.

“Yes?”

“You know what French kissing is, right?”

“Y-yes.”

“Do you know how to do it? It might seem like a strange concept so if you want to skip—”

“No, I want to. I mean I want you to show me.”

“Okay.”

Keeping the mood is important, so you don’t jump into it right away. You’re very much aware that no one responds well to a tongue being shoved into their mouth. With that in mind, you kiss him like you did before, but sneak in a small swipe of the tip of your tongue against his bottom lip. He gasps and in the small moment of surprise, you probe a bit further. He gasps again when the muscle moves across his, but the movement is similar enough to how your lips molded against his earlier that it doesn’t take him too long to get the hang of it. When his tongue slides to edges of your teeth you can’t help but let out a tiny moan. Almost as if a switch was flipped, Jungkook’s arms come to wrap around you tightly, crashing you to his chest and he moves like he’s trying to devour you. At first, there’s a bit too much saliva, but with a well-placed hand on his jaw, you maneuver him into a pattern that’s a little less like a washing machine, but he gets too close-lipped. Another well-placed turn of his jaw puts him right on balance. It’s damn near perfect and, in truth, you’re certain that you could get off like this; with the slick sounds of your mouths working together and the sounds of his periodic gasps fill the room like a symphony underneath you. You dig your blunt nails into the muscle of his thigh and use all of your willpower not to beg him to let you pull down his pants and sink down on his length.

You plant a trail of kisses down his neck before pulling back, suffocating in your pullover. He blinks up slowly at you, about to ask if he overstepped his bounds, but then you grasp both his hands and bring them to where the hem of your baby tee ends. You’re about to take advantage of the whole ‘For Yoori’ situation, but you’re so desperate you don’t care that you’re being an ass.

“What is it?”

“Yoori might be the type of girl to want her boobs played with a little.” You reach behind yourself and under the shirt to unfasten the bra underneath. He squints and then his eyes grow wide as he watches you slide the bra off without ever lifting your shirt. “I mean, that always does the trick for me.”

With that, you lift his hands the last few inches until he’s cupping your breasts. He squeezes a little, tests the weight of them in each large hand. He’s fascinated at the way your nipples seem to appear from out of nowhere to push behind the fabric. He brushes his thumbs over the two peaks and smiles when you’re head drops forward and you scrabble to clutch at his shoulders.

“They’re soft,” his tone is dumbstruck and he squeezes again.

“Yeah, they are. Hey, if you pinch them, she might get really wet. Try--mmm--rolling them between your fingers.”

He heeds your suggestion and plays with your chest until you realize you’ve been grinding against his sweatpants covered leg, completely soaking the fabric with a growing dark spot.

“Looks like you’re ready,” he says softly, the wetness finally accumulating enough to be tangible. “Do we stop now?”

“Do you want to stop?”

He chews a bit on his lip and debates lying so he doesn’t seem needy before remembering it’s you he’s dealing with.

“No,” he finally says.

“We can keep going,” you pull him by his collar to help him sit up. “Are you comfortable like this?”

He nods before sitting up a little, dragging you with him as he moves. You settle back and then you’re pinning him with a look. Curiosity keeps you from immediately going back in to kiss him despite the fact that he just admitted to you that he wanted to continue. The air fills with challenge, the light experimental feeling replaced, and he senses it just like you do. He doesn’t try to steer things back to the way they were though, and instead he takes a moment to enter your space. His breath puffs against your cheek while he gathers his bearings.

“You said you can tell when the mood is the right one for a kiss.”

You hold your breath and think of what to say. Everything feels so fragile and you can practically see the way things are headed but you don’t want to break the tumultuous balance.

“Does right now seem like the right moment to you?”

“Yes.”

“Then do it.”

Jungkook is definitely a prodigy or something. Never in your life have you seen someone so good at picking up new skills as quickly as he does. This is something you’re familiar with and yet you still bury your hands in his shirt out of surprise when his own hand suddenly appears at the back of your neck to pull you in. He tilts his head and kisses you like he’s dehydrated and you’re a softly babbling stream. Each time his lips work over you, you feel as though he’s drinking, like he’s pulling something from you. Something you’ve been dying to have him accept from you for a long while. There’s something soft about the way his tongue slides over yours and it’s so tender and everything you want but its also not enough.

He’s solid underneath you and his skin feels almost feverish with how warm it is. There’s strength in the sinewy bundles that cord under your roaming touch and you want to see him put it to use on you so badly that it frustrates you and bleeds into your kiss. You forget where you are and nip at his lip harshly, though not enough to damage. You forget that you haven’t introduced Jungkook to the rougher parts of amorous activities until he tenses underneath you while letting out a low and guttural groan, hands clutching at your hips tightly and then releasing with a nervous flutter.

“Sorry,” he says shyly as his hands come to rest in the part of his lap that you’re not occupying.

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one that bit you.”

“I just meant sorry for…poking you” he can’t finish his sentence because his tongue is tied with embarrassment. You figure he’s talking about how he grabbed you when you bit him and brush it off. Then you feel him thick and hard, nudging your inner thigh.

“Oh. There’s no need to be sorry.”

“But this isn’t about me, this is about--”

“Jungkook,” you stop him with a light hand on his collarbone. “I know your main goal is to be able to please Yoori, but sex is a two-way street. You’re allowed to feel good too.”

“I—okay.” His shoulders are still rounded into himself in a way that makes it clear to you he’s still dwelling on his erection. On instinct you’re moving back in to plant soft kisses on his cheek. You know you’re blurring lines a little by doing so, but you want him to stop feeling so bad.

“Hey, it’s really not an issue. In fact,” you kiss your way to the plush corner of his pouting mouth, “We can really work with this. Let’s try something.”

“What are we going to—Oh!”

His breath leaves him in almost pained huff as you move to slot your dripping center over the bulge in his sweats. A moan sublimates between your mouths and you’re honestly not sure who it came from as you relish in the feel of the drag of the material against your clit. You press kisses to the line of his throat before sucking a bruise at the place where shoulder meets neck. The feeling of your tongue laving small cycles into his skin has his eyes fluttering shut.

After a certain age, Jungkook knew that despite having skipped a few grades, and never having an unweighted GPA of less than 4.46, there were things that some of his peers were becoming aware of but would remain mysterious to him. A few petty classmates had also reminded him on a regular basis that he may only ever know the feeling of relief when it was supplied by his own lubed up right hand. It didn’t worry him much because he assumed that was the fate all those who devoted their lives to science until he watched his peers begin to date as well. Suddenly he was monitoring the freshman night lab by himself on Friday nights because his shift partner was going on dates.nQuickly after that, he was convinced that he’d never get to feel the warmth of another body under his palms.

So as his hands move to stroke your up your sides to your ribs, over your breasts, and back down again while bucking up into your heat, he feels a swell of something towards you. It must be gratitude because you’re giving him a gift. The ability to feel and hold someone while they’re in the throes of an orgasm he produced. And because of this, he’ll be able to do it with Yoori, the girl of his dreams.

He opens his eyes to stare up at your face which is scrunched up in pleasure. It’s amazing, he notes, how easy it is to do all these new things with you. Even the initial fear of failure that he often gets with new subjects fades away in an instant when you put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

You’re warm above him and soft under his hands where he kneads at your chest. He flexes a thigh to give himself so leverage to hump up against you and you whine at the way he now presses firmly against your core. You bury your face in his neck and snap your hips forward. The abrupt onslaught of friction takes him by surprise and he’s coming in his pants after not ten minutes of dry humping with you in between his Thor sheets. The pleasure is so intense that his vision whites out as he cums and he throws all caution to wind as it rips through him. His arms wind around you and pull you closer, a whine leaving him as he slumps back into the pillows.

You fall back with him and let out a small ‘oof’. A quick glance at his sweat drenched and flushed face tells you he must have had a good time. Strong arms are still locked around your waist and the surprise of falling distracted you from chasing your own high, so you merely wriggle out of his grasp and sit back on your heels.

“Good?”

He gives you a wry smile that you usually only see when he’s been drinking. “Yeah.”

“Good,” you say as you hop of the bed and pull on your forgotten joggers before picking up your backpack.

“Wait! Where are you going?” His tone is open and clearly distressed. He fumbles for the prescription goggles that rest on the night table by the bed and shoves them onto his face roughly.

“To shower? My stuff is in my backpack.”

“Oh. Well…did you bring a sleeping bag?”

“No, but I brought a blanket and a pillow for the couch.”

“Don’t sleep on the couch,” you raise an incredulous brow and he backpedals. “We all spent 4 hours farting into that couch because no one wanted to pause the game.”

“Not me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” your face heats up. Whether or not you’re lying is none of his business and you’ll fart where you please without feeling shamed for it. “I’ll just sleep in here. I guess.”

Your time in the bathroom is stressful. Leaving his bedroom, you had a mean case of blue balls and you weren’t sure you could deal with them in his bathroom. It’s never something you imagined you’d have to do while you were at his place, though its not the first time you’ve spent the night or showered there. Game night can get long and you’ve spent many a night fighting Hoseok for hot water in Jungkook’s dorm. After some long and hard thinking about the long and hard thing in Jungkook’s pants, you decide he isn’t the only person who gets to do things for the first time and guide the detachable the shower head between your legs with a fist in your mouth to muffle your moans.

Jungkook is exactly where you left him when you return from the shower, but you can’t face him as you turn back the covers on your half of the bed.

“How was your shower?”

“It was a shower, it was fine.”

“Okay,” he says after a beat.

“I’ll try to be quiet when I leave for yoga. You can keep the light on if you’re not going to sleep right now.”

Up until you said that, Jungkook was tired, but he stays up until your breathing slows and deepens with sleep. It’s drastically different from the way your breath hitched loudly in the shower. He wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, he just wanted some water before bed. But there was something almost musical about the sounds of your choked off moans as you tried to be quiet in the bathroom. He’s proud to say that he didn’t linger once he realized what was going on. He went straight back to his room when his dick twitched in his pants.

Now that you’re asleep, he ventures out the clean himself up before returning. You’ve stolen his pillow to clutch over your face by the time he’s come back. Your pillow from home is still wedged safely under your head and he doesn’t want to wake you. He’s left with no other option than to rest his head on your stomach. If he doesn’t, he won’t sleep at all without a pillow and that’s no good. This is clearly the only solution. Clearly.

When you wake up the next morning 5 minutes before your alarm because you can’t breathe because there’s a giant weight on your chest. The weight is actually Jungkook and you’re not sure what to do.

Apparently, you spend 5 minutes not sure what to do because your alarm starts, waking Jungkook with more confidence than you ever could. You watch with fascination as his eyes open slowly, and wriggling out from under you to wipe at the corners. He turns, resting his chin near your belly button and blinks sleepily at you, gears turning slowly before registering where he is and what he’s doing. You chance a small smile at him.

“Morning.”

“Good morning,” he says. His stare is intense and you wonder if maybe you look haggard or messy.

“What is it?”

He doesn’t respond and instead inches forward with a look of determination. When he’s an inch in front of your face you realize what he’s doing, but its too late to complain about morning breath or being late to Saturday morning yoga.

It’s not long before he’s licking into your mouth slowly, giving you a chance to pull back, change the pace, tweak something. But there’s nothing to change. It doesn’t taste great but it feels amazing and your hands reach up to pull him down onto you without a thought. He groans and tentatively rubs his thumb over the swell of your breast that peeks through the side of your sleeveless sleep tank.

You miss yoga.

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