#probably won't move on for the whole month until the next update

[janexromantic]

the betrayal lincoln and abel felt must be devastating. linc didn't like/trust his father and was this close to letting him in (most probably because of what connor said) but didn't know that matthias would go to this extent, to the point of using someone with the power again just like what he did to linc when he was young, and the attempt to kill his girlfriend. linc and abel fought countless of times just because of matthias. abel fought for him, defended him, believed that he was not as linc perceived him and actually think of him as his father but look where it all led to.

#i'm just sad #probably won't move on for the whole month until the next update #choices #playchoices #choices stories you play #it lives within #it lives anthology #it lives project #it lives within spoilers #lincoln mcquoid #abel flint #ilw

[miawstic]

oh hey!

it's me! I'm back!

lots of folks are flocking over from twitter right now, so now seems like a good time to start again for myself as well—though I've actually been thinking about starting again for a long time now. a lot has changed in my life and in return I've changed a lot about this blog, so I'll be talking about it all for a bit.

there'll be a tl;dr at the bottom if you don't feel like reading it all, but I'd appreciate if you did!

so, hey. I thought for a long time about what to do with this account. this place spawned and held a lot of memories of people who did me wrong and the mistakes I'd made, and it was bad enough for a while that I just didn't want to look at it at all.

it took a long time to accept what happened to me and that it shouldn't have happened, and that I shouldn't be protecting and supporting the people who were involved anymore. but, yeah, I think I was kinda groomed. that sucks, and I won't go into details about it. I'm thankful to have the clarity I have now as an adult to come to terms with it.

I considered wiping this account entirely and moving to a new account—both to try to erase what happened and to have a more appropriate place to house the new type of content I've moved onto. but, I've had this account since the day I turned 13. I'm 22 now. it's been my home and I'm not letting any assholes' influence taint it and take it away from me. also, I can post what I want, lol.

that all being said, though, I have updated the look of this this place to match my current tastes! I'd like to do even more, but I'll need to draw stuff to do that. so, while this blog has already been hugely overhauled, it'll continue to be a work in progress until I get the time to make some assets for it. I also wiped a large chunk of my old posts because, frankly, nobody needs to see all of that. and, y'know, memories of being groomed and all that, lol. I'd like to totally redo my about as well—maybe make a new one entirely somewhere else?

speaking of Blogs and Posting, I should probably let you all know that I'm not going to be posting anymore megaman content anymore—neither through my own posts nor reblogs. I've grown out of that fanbase, and I think it's time to move on for everyone's sake. if that disappoints you, I'm sorry, but also, I'm not sorry because this is the best thing for me. I don't need it anymore, but I'm grateful for all the growing I did while being into it. you're entirely welcome to leave if cookie run and my ocs aren't your jam—thanks for staying with me all this time! and to those who choose to stay regardless, you have my whole heart. thank you to both!

I can't say how often I'll be posting here, as I've gotten a lot of things in my life now that eat up my time (this is a good thing, in my teenage years I would've never imagined having the responsibilities I have now!). on top of two jobs, I also co-own the cookie run kingdom wiki now! managing and improving that place takes a LOT of my time, seriously. it's made me slow down significantly in making my art, but that's alright—I seriously love it there, and I've met so many amazing people and built a lot of other skills from being there. like coding! I can do that now! I'm responsible for coding and designing a very big portion of the templates and extra styling on there, and I'm very, very proud of it! being a representative of the wiki, you can always feel free to ask me about the site, its policies, etc. here. also, I'll probably be going back to school soon...

but anyways, oh yeah, art. I've got a pretty good backlog of completed drawings that I'll be posting to here. I'll be queuing the posts to come out at probably a rate of one a day until they're up, though. no more posting 7 pieces in one day and posting the next in 3 months (at least for now 🤔). like I said, I don't have a ton of time to draw constantly like I used to, but I'll do what I can in making more in the future. as for what I'll be drawing, I mean, probably cookie run. maybe some ocs though, because I've got a few ideas. maybe things from my other interests? we'll see! I've also been sculpting a lot, actually...

and yeah, don't let the seriousness of this post fool you; I'll certainly still be reblogging dumb, non-serious posts like I always did. fixing up the look of the blog itself is enough professionalism I think 😵‍ also! I'll be letting up on all the trigger warning tags I had used in the past—scopophobia, animals, food, that kind of thing—because I've literally never been asked to tag anything like that. I mean, feel free to let me know if you do need things like those tagged, but, starting now, I'm going to take it a little easier with the tags. very common triggers (blood, abuse, so on) will still be tagged, of course.

I think that's it? yeah. nice to be here again, it's much more relaxed and individualized than twitter! I think I almost felt intimidated by tumblr for a long time since it almost feels like posts need to have more "purpose" than tweeting on twitter. but, like, I'm older and give less of a shit now. my house, I post silly thing.

---

thanks for reading if you did! here's your tl;dr:

I've deleted the majority of my old posts and revamped the look and theming of my blog to have a fresh start, to cut rotten ties, and to have a place that suits my current self. also so I don't have to be embarrassed every time I post.

no more megaman! in terms of art, it'll be cookie run and maybe some ocs, or whatever else. art won't be frequent, though, because I'm always busy with work and the crk wiki.

I'll be posting my backlog of completed art over the next few days.

I'm no longer tagging the more specific trigger tags like scopophobia (unless you really want me to???).

you should commission dani.

#mad gab #grooming mention / #do we still use slashes in tags? maybe I'm just a grandpa

[jorvikzelda]

Haven't done a Star Stable prediction in a bit. My fingers are itching a little for it. Mild reference to leaks but not what the leaks are; some information that has not been officially posted but that has been figured out without filedigging and such. Below cut because it got long

Next week's update is the new magical horses, obviously. Also probably a new HoJ, since the one currently in session will be ending with that update.

I think the week after that is a new main quest. It would match up with the every-4-months rhythm they half-established with last year's final two main quests, and if they don't release it then it probably won't be until after the Equestrian Festival (May), an amount of time I do not think they are happy to wait.

Week after that probably some sort of filler (new race, probably; if i were SSE I wouldn't want to release a bunch of new clothes so close both to the whole championship business AND the spring festival). Another possibility would be the Horse Bonding Initiative... but honestly, with the amount of feedback they were given, I seriously doubt they'll be able to confidently release it so soon. No, give it until after the Equestrian festival - first Wednesday of May, quite possibly... though that might put it in the same roadmap as the Player Character 2.0, if they're still set on releasing that in the first half of the year. (I think not. It'll come out in July, after the summer festivities. I'll happily be proven wrong, though.)

4th roadmap week (March 28th) I think will probably be the Equestrian Festival. It's possible there'll be a 5 week roadmap and the Equestrian Festival will instead fall on April 4th, but I have a hard time seeing it being first on any rooadmap as that would leave us with only the "next week" teaser as an announcement, and any later would probably place it too close to the summer festivities (which I assume will be taking place around the usual time of the Rainbow Festival - I don't see them moving that away from Pride Month).

On whatever the second week of the Equestrian Festival ends up being (probably March 5th, which would put the new horse a reasonable and typical 8 weeks after the Morgan's release), there'll probably be a new horse - could be either Lippizaners or Swedish Warmbloods (the two breeds the stud farm they posted about visiting earlier this year focuses on) and based on tack leaks, the still very recent release of the BWP (Same Guy as the SWB, both Average Normal Horses), and the fact that the old festival Lippizaners were retired after last year's Equestrian Festival, I'm assuming it'll be Lippizaners.

#sso #ssoblr #z talks #sso theory #I'm trying to moon circle over here guys #dont mind me #actualyl DO mind me i wanna hear your thots on this

[neuroticdragon]

I'm so stressed out and overwhelmed that I've managed to corner myself into not doing anything at all. Everything feels pointless. I have been diligently spamming applications everywhere but it all feels so, utterly pointless. I'm hemorrhaging money, despite being on employment insurance, because they only pay half of my paycheque but half my paycheque no longer covers basic living expenses thanks to inflation and runaway interest rates.

We've ALREADY cut out so much. Take-out, most of our streaming services, monthly subscriptions. We've started eating cheaper meals. We don't go out. We've cut down on our snack consumption. We don't have a car. We barely spend any money at all yet the bills keep eating up whatever little savings I've managed to hang onto after last year. I've barely managed to save anything since we moved thanks to inflation and surprise bills that would randomly show up. So now that I'm earning nothing, my account has started hemorrhaging money. And it's one of those bullshit accounts that I need to keep at least $X just so they don't charge me $20 for being fucking poor.

I've ALWAYS managed to keep my account above that amount, even during these contract breaks, and I've always been very proud of that. But if I don't find a job soon, that won't be true anymore. And then I'll end up losing MORE money just because I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY???

I need to make a new commission sheet. I need to start finding SOMETHING to start making money just so I can fucking keep my accounts in the green. I need to earn an extra $600/month just to fucking LIVE. It all feels so utterly, fucking hopeless.

I need to earn a few extra hundred dollars PER WEEK on my next contract just to get up to where we were two years ago. Not even increasing my standard of living, literally just going back to living paycheque to paycheque instead of losing money just for existing in this fucking apartment and eating a $5 can of beans for the day.

I am trying so fucking hard to keep my chin up but they're saying new projects won't start until the spring at the EARLIEST. And I don't know if I'll be able to make it until then. But I also don't know what else I can get a job as that earns what I did at my last job.

I'm so fucking terrified. I've been breaking out into tears randomly. Spent the whole morning in bed instead of updating my portfolio and applying for jobs like I normally do but I just couldn't.

I don't want to go into credit card debt because I wanted to eat a fucking $5 sandwich that's now $7 because inflation won't stop. And it probably has fucking glass in it or some shit because they refuse to hire more people to make sure the food is actually fucking edible.

I don't know what to do. I'm so scared.

#shut up nero

[bijesperfahey]

A collection of life updates since I feel like I've been MIA as fuck and I just kind of need to unpack a lil bit

My workplace is officially, formally in the process of unionizing which on the one hand is great because I have been pro union my entire life since my mom loved hers but I'm also deeply, desperately concerned that we won't actually win our petition since I know a hell of a lot of people have questions and also voting is taking place on one [1] day and if the period isn't long enough people simply won't show up to vote like ????

I had bloodwork done at the beginning the month and my cholesterol is worse (boo, thanks genetics) and I am also finally diabetic. I am not like.... shocked it's finally hit me considering my literal entire family is diabetic but I am crabby about it I was really hoping I could hang on til I was like 40

The good news being I'm not like. Super, ragingly uncontrolled just yet, like my A1C was juuuust high enough to flag me, so I've been put on just metformin and not any insulin yet. My doctor also scripted me out a freestyle so I can have an idea of what foods are effecting me how much which I actually really appreciate even though it's an extra like. $70 a month. The metformin is free at least

I owe 350 for my fucking appointment to refill my HRT because my insurance is a bag of dicks. My HR department is reaching out to the company about it because I was openly like 'hello this is one of two whole reasons I even fucking have healthcare you fucking assholes' so like. Fingers crossed they change their fucking minds.

And they couldn't even check my T levels at that visit because they couldn't get my blood! It could have been so much worse!!!! Fuck !!!!

Speaking of, I'm now on gel testosterone which is. Like listen it's convenient I've been sticking with the dosings, which means even though it's kind of more work it's probably better for me than the shots I was skipping all the damn time.

But it's also like $125 a month until I reach my deductible so that's annoying even though at this rate I will in fact hit my deductible this year

Also I'm moving in almost exactly a month so this is the exact time that I didn't want to have to deal with all of these changes because like !!! I have to save for the move ! That's the big important thing in my life, not all of the rest of this!

And I'm so grateful that I can afford to just shell out. 200 dollars unexpectedly on meds. That I can, theoretically pay off this visit over the next 3 months, until the next time I need to go in to actually get my t levels checked and do it all over again. But !!!! I hate it !!! so much !!!!

#screaming into the void ignore me lol #long post

[blahandwhatever]

Spent much time these past few weeks working diligently on various assessments, sometimes job applications, sometimes actual work. Got offered a bit of work that pays fuck all and barely feels worth doing; still didn't get paid for the social media project I did a month ago due to excruciatingly slow processes - probably won't be until mid-December.

Decided I needed to add some credentials or something to my resume to make myself a bit more competitive - one or two for what I already do, since I don't have directly relevant education and some MFs do like to see that regardless of how much experience you have, and maybe more later for some additional skills to expand my range. So I signed up for a certificate program and thought I'd race through that in a couple of weeks but got interrupted by a big project from an old side job I hadn't heard from since January. Both the pay and the expected turnaround were unreasonable for the size of the project, but I badly needed the money, so I took it. Part of me resented the pay and expectations - of this job and so many new ones I've come across still offering wages that would've been abysmal even five years ago. Part of me felt like I was paying some penance for my previous hubris and carelessness and accepted my lot. Part of me thought about all the people who get worked to death on a regular basis and figured, even if I had to join their ranks for a week, all in all, I still didn't have it so bad. (Also, hello past self! Hello past self in your long-commute office job living-with-parents poor-mental-health years of hell.)

The first two days were a big adjustment to being Busy after months of being Not Busy, filled with resentment and distraction. The next two days - last weekend - I got in a zone with it, got a decent amount done while still making plenty of time for other things. Monday was a big marathon I hoped would leave me with a lighter load for Tuesday, maybe a little left over for Wednesday at worst. Tuesday, I didn't get through as much as I'd hoped to, and it was clear there was no way I'd finish that night, so I didn't push myself too hard. Wednesday. Wednesday, I'd hoped to have a chill day between the busy week and Thanksgiving. I still had a decent chunk of the project left, but it seemed manageable. At worst, at least I could relax at night. I got part of it done in the afternoon, went to Whole Foods, came back, had dinner. Client asked if I was close to done. I said 2-3 more hours. I got back to work, feeling pressured and efficient, but two hours in, it was clear I was still far from done. Updated the client that it might be another couple of hours on top of what I'd said. Then those hours passed, and by this point I was consumed by a stress I had not experienced at work in years. Client probably went to bed. I finished around 2:20 AM, desperate for wine I never seem to have when I actually need it. It was hard to wind down, my body tingling with electricity, but I got there eventually, still disappointed with my small sliver of free time.

And then there was Thanksgiving - an unusual one I didn't know what to expect from. My parents still live together but don't talk or see each other much - my mother's postponed the divorce process until January due to some kind of tax complication, and the drama has mostly simmered down (he opened a piece of her mail from an unclear addressee - her boss at work, it turned out - because he's still paranoid about her and men, albeit more quietly. she bit her tongue about it. he said he'd move out by November but didn't. apparently hasn't been working and spends most of his time out playing poker. travels occasionally. sent her pictures from a beach one time). I figured someone in my father's family would host Thanksgiving, but I never heard from anyone. I was going to spend most of it with my mother - who wouldn't be joining them even if invited - in any case.

I managed to get up at an okay time and found that, overnight, I'd developed The Bullshit again in my right eye - thank the relentlessness of yesterday and refusal (big mistake) to take a quick break to wash my eyes when they felt irritated. The redness subsided a bit over time but didn't fully go away. I wanted to get dressed up like always for the holidays, more to make things feel normal for my mother than anything, and spent the usual forever curling my hair. And I thought I'd timed and planned things pretty well, but there's always some things I didn't account for, always so many fucking things, and I ended up running 20 minutes late.

On the way, the world greeted me with so much beauty. Sunshine, big wispy clouds, a trace of a rainbow. Brilliant red trees still going strong, flocks of birds seconds too late to take a picture. I hoped it was a good omen - but it wasn't.

My mother, proudly punctual person that she is, probably resented my lateness a bit. She's used to it - but she goes back and forth between expecting and resenting it. Maybe it matters more on a day like this.

My father was gone - apparently had planned to stay until my mother told him she wasn't having it. Further sign his family probably wasn't doing Thanksgiving.

My brother was home - I, as always, happy to see him but never knowing what to expect. He'd been sick with the flu. He was on the more cranky and withdrawn side of his spectrum.

My mother started out a mix of cheerful and quieter than usual. My brother was unfriendly and a bit rude to her. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she sat in silence, and I felt her heartache - at her efforts never being appreciated, at her inability to connect with her child, at her dearth of family, at her joyless holidays, at her whole life. I wanted badly to think of more to say than I was able to, to liven things up somehow. It's not something I'm great at. I felt the inadequacy I'd felt with her all my life, at being too quiet. Sometimes it was something I was unfairly resented for, but sometimes being a better talker and socializer would genuinely be helpful. And I thought, if my brother and I are the only family she has left, holidays are going to be rough. This is the kind of thing she cares about. Even I felt something lacking. Even when we spent holidays alone, with our father, during COVID, it was a little different. Between him and my mother being talkative, and me somewhat trying, things didn't feel so dead even if my brother was quiet or cranky. Not that I would want my father to be a part now. But still, it's rough. Granted, my brother was sick and tired and maybe that affected things too. My mother had said he'd generally been friendlier with her lately. But he'd also refused her suggestions of medication and rest instead of going out, which made her feel bad too.

I remembered my mother mentioning she'd like to learn to play cards, or chess, and went searching for the cards or chessboard that had been in the house somewhere, asked my brother for help, couldn't find them anywhere. Desperate, I drove to Walgreens, bought a pack of cards, dragged over my tired reluctant brother, and played a game with them both. Then I played some more with my mother. I don't know that it made her happy per se, but at least it was a pleasant little distraction. Then she talked about her life and her health and how she was thinking of moving out because she couldn't keep living like this with my father.

My father came home at the same time as I did from Walgreens, his face stressed and weathered. We shared a cursory hug and Thanksgiving wishes. I felt kind of bad if he didn't get to have dinner with either family - he, like my mother, is the kind of person who needs that stuff. I don't really know how to feel about him now. His every transgression against my mother has made me feel intolerant toward him, but I feel sorry for him at the same time, and I don't know if being untethered from all meaningful relationships won't make him lose his mind more.

Anyway, he went to his room, and I didn't see him after that.

All in all, it was a pretty depressing affair, every person in that house unhappy, ever the cesspool of misery.

Afterward, I felt very tired and a bit sniffly for a couple of days. Friday, I had no energy and let myself do pretty much nothing. It was deserved after the past week. Yesterday, I managed to go to a store and do a few chores. Today I did a job application and a small work project, and was supposed to do more around the house at night but got sleepy. Overnight, it snowed, which I wasn't quite ready for, but after Thanksgiving, I can live with it.

Despite the unloading of heavy stuff here, there is so much more, and life is still largely good.

Now I'm hoping for a productive - but not stressful - end of November.

[shadowsong26fic]

Coming Attractions!

First Monday of the month, so here we go!

As per usual, this is also an Open Question Night--anything I've posted about here or on AO3 is fair game; my askbox is always open but tonight I'll be keeping an eye on it and responding. I do take prompts, but no guarantees on how quickly I fill them.

Not a whole lot to report this month--mostly because moving took up A Lot of time/energy/etc., so I didn't get as much writing done as I would have hoped, so just a quick blitz through:

OTP Meme fills-- I'm still super behind, haha. I caught up on June, but I need to do July, August, and September for all five ships this month, so that'll be fun.

PodTogether-- It got posted! It ended up being not quite all I'd hoped it would be (our plans were a lot more ambitious than our execution, haha), but the three bits that did get finished/posted I think turned out pretty well. I do enjoy doing this event a lot; next summer should be less busy for me, too, so hopefully it'll go a little smoother/I'll get a little closer to whatever my partner(s) and I end up planning (although I think I might take Leverage off my fandoms list next time; we'll see.)

Other SW-- No real updates here, other than we at SWBB got an ask about next year's event already (signups don't open til like December!!!), so I'm going to dig up what I started last year and hopefully actually finish it so I can participate. I've been involved with that event for so long that it felt weird to only do modding/betaing/podfic and not Write for it this time. (Precipice!verse has the same update it has for the past several months. It will not die until I leave this fandom, but it hasn't been getting much/any active focus lately.)

BSG-- Signups are still open for GBB! We could use a few more artists and betas. Story detail submissions are coming in, and I'm excited for what I'm seeing. I also want to get a little more into actively working on TOB over the next few weeks/by the end of the year. It's been floating around in the back of my head for so long and I thiiiiiink I've named all of the people and patched enough of the plotholes to get started...of course, now I need to figure out exactly when/where I need to start (especially since...you know, need to introduce a bunch of OCs plus explain why Baltar ends up in a different position...so yeah XD) I do still have various crossover snippets that might get worked on (like the one I reblogged the other day; there's also the Zeb and Helo one that I thought turned out pretty well); plus The Blood of Angry Men which I do genuinely plan to write at some point, but structuring it is a complicated question XD (Zarek character study/backstory piece; mostly focused on everything that initially sent him to prison, told through the lens of him looking back on it as he faces down his execution in S4; some stuff about charisma and followers he's lost/led to their deaths; the balance between him believing in his rhetoric and wanting power/using that rhetoric to gain it...a lot of really interesting things to think about here, lol)

Les Mis-- P&J will update soon; I'm also working on Acheron which I'm super excited for. I've written snippets of dialogue for Provenance (companion to P&J) but that won't get posted until the main fic is complete (because it's probably more fun to watch Ari solve as much of the puzzle as is possible given modern-day available records/evidence before filling in some of the gaps with a somewhat more traditional-style fic, lol)

Castlevania-- Not really much to say here other than at some point I will pick up Incinctus; also when Nocturne starts airing I will probably be Very Tempted to do a more active/actual crossover with Vampire Chronicles (bookverse) because. Like. The Theatre is right there lol (I know the vampire rules are very different in the two canons; which is part of why Marius existing in Incinctus is only a quick Easter Egg cameo; also Alucard and Armand would hate each other so much lol and I love them both so I'm not...suuuuuper interested in writing about that XD) Anyway, we'll see how much Nocturne actually draws me in, but at the moment I'm looking forward to it.

...I think that about covers it! Moving is exhausting and expensive but while unpacking/setup is still going on we are Fully Moved at this point, so...yay! Hopefully next month will pick up some.

#coming attractions #miscellania #open question night #shadowsong writes star wars #shadowsong writes bsg #shadowsong writes other fandoms

[twentymuleteamborax]

Steamdeck Update: fuck

I took the back off to reseat the battery with no luck. Which sucks because that is an incredible pain in the ass.

I've probably come to the conclusion that the power supply it had been plugged into for a month straight probably wasn't good.

Yesterday it would power on with the screen not working. Not when plugged in the light turns on for 45 seconds or so, tben shuts off for 45 over and over.

This behavior is apparently what it's supposed to do when you've reached full battery.

However, when I change power supplies, the light stays white the whole time. So now it's presumably charging... but still isn't turning on.

So perhaps I'll wait until it repeats the "full charge" behavior and try again. I don't think it'll work whatsoever.

My next move would be to tear apart my room looking for the original charger, testing that. After that, provided it still doesn't work. I do the same thing but looking for my original ssd.

Apparently if you replaced it, they may refuse to work on it but they also may replace the whole deck but for whatever fucking reason they won't send me back my ssd.. meaning I'd be out another 150

[caffeine-tanuki]

Hey there. Guess it took me a bit to come back here, but how's it going?

Things are getting a bit hectic around here for the moment. Lotta things happening real soon. On Sunday evening my mom gets into town, and the next morning I'm getting my nose worked on. I might finally be able to breathe normally, thank fuck. I'm also scrambling to deep-clean my entire apartment so I can avoid anxiety when my unit gets inspected on Tuesday. It shouldn't take me too long, but it's going to be a lot of work. I'll for sure have it done by the weekend, though.

I think I'm gonna use this as a springboard. Use the momentum off of this rush to fix my life once and for all. I've been wanting to get back in shape, and my sleep schedule has been shit. I mean hell, I woke up at 2 in the afternoon today. If I'm gonna move out in a few months, I gotta prove I can take care of myself correctly. Then my mom won't have to worry, and the whole process will be a lot smoother. I love her to bits, but she worries too much sometimes. She's worried I'm not going to work on putting down roots, but then again she doesn't know about my plan. I won't tell her until it's set in stone, though. She won't have anything to say about it then, other than maybe that she's happy that I found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Hopefully she's not skeptical, but I think moving in with her after a year of near-daily interaction through calls and texts and a 2-week-long visit isn't unreasonable. Not to mention I'd be just about as far away from a major airport up there as I am right here, and I won't be living alone with pets so I'd have some actual time to visit more often. Late July sounds like a nice time to move.

It's kinda funny how this all worked out. I'm the most functional I've ever been socially, but to get there I had to collapse, a few times might I add, as an adult. I'm finally living in my own skin and loving it, and now all these other problems have become so apparent to me. I still haven't finished unpacking everything here, so there's still boxes in several unhelpful places and I'm still working with maybe 15 shirts and 2 pairs of pants. That changes this week, though. Gonna work hard on it.

I think that's all I can throw at this one. My threads of thought usually aren't really strong, so if you hold it too long or too tight it breaks. I'll write something later on, probably something dumb and short.

See ya, -M

edit/update: apparently I'm not getting my nose fixed this week. they cant fit me into the schedule for quite a while.

#how in the fuck am i going to tell my mom im in a polycule

[rezilient-m3]

May 15

I got distracted the other night so didn't finish catching up. I just told a fast version of what happed with G. But nothing really to tell. Me and this guy met, the weeks I was here when we first moved into Alex's. I knew Alex and I were on the verge of breaking up, as we always did back then. And I knew that we were done, with the way things were going. Doesn't excuse me for inviting a random guy from the internet to come drink with me. But, that's how I met G. Since then, I've seen him once, a few months after that. Then, not until this weekend I spoke about. on April 29th, same day I finished my practicum. Anyways, we've kept in touch since over 4 years ago. Not really flirting too. Just about life. He was happy for me when I quit drinking, when I got back together with Alex, when I got my girls back, when I was going to and finishing school. And he confided in me about his life. His goals and reaching them. Girl dilemmas. Whatever it was, we were supportive lol. Then, when I showed up to his place, we hung out, until he got closed, and we had sex on his couch lol. This would be the first time I heard him swear. It didn't go long, and I thought that was totally about me. I felt really bad, wondering if I turned him off some how, especially of how self conscious I am about my body. AND BEING SOBER haha. After the next few times, I understood what was happening. He was just finishing a little fast lol. Anyways, besides the point. I had fun going to his place, then a random trip to the mountains, and spending that Saturday in a nice hotel. Sunday he really didn't want me to go, but I felt like I had to. I ended up getting a speeding ticket like 10 minutes out of his city, so that was a piss off lol. Need to figure out that shit later. (Cuz I'm still one ticket away from being suspended for 30 days) Last time we texted, I sent him a picture of me on my grad day (May 9th). Probably won't here from him for awhile now. Things went back to normal. lol. Hope he's good. There is another guy I want to talk about, but his story will take a whole post on its own. I don't think anybody else needs an update, as I've been curving these other ones for the guy I'm going to be writing about. The frustrating one. lol.

#allofme #thisisme #weekendadventure #bff

[whimsicallyreading]

“I just realized I’m desperately in love with you-“

Prompt Day One for Rowaelin Month

~

"Rowan, take a picture of that one. It's so cute." Aelin fawns quietly.

Rowan gives a long-suffering sigh. "There are a thousand of them here. Do you have to pester me into taking a picture of every seal pup we come across?"

"Her name is Fleetfoot, and yes. Isn't that the whole reason we are here?" Aelin looks at him equally annoyed, a strand of gold spun hair freeing itself from beneath her parka.

"I'm here to study the behavioral patterns of tiger seals and orcas in a rapidly shifting environment. You are here to keep our equipment functioning. If you keep talking, neither of us will finish our jobs and escape from this wasteland." Rowan switches the lens of his camera to focus on two male seals who were squaring up with each other in the distance.

Rowan nearly threw his camera over the boat and jumped off into the coastal waters of Argentina when he realized who had been assigned to assist him on this expedition.

He'd insisted that only he and one other make the trek across the Antarctic. Insisting a large group could impede the quality of his research. When they agreed, Rowan thought they would send him with Lorcan or Brullo. Both were accomplished survivalists and scholars—valuable additions to any team.

Instead, it was Aelin Ashryvver who waited for him at the dock. The most annoying newbie on his floor. Dorian insisted that her knowledge of mechanical engineering would make her invaluable.

So far, she was just a verifiable pain in his ass.

She sat around bored as Rowan spent the day writing notes and snapping photos. Occasionally she helped him set up microphones. On one instance, she fixed their ATV. It was the first and only time he'd found her truly useful.

Rowan couldn't wait to go home.

"Alright, we have the cameras positioned. We should head back to the base. The temps are dropping. We need to warm up and eat."

Aelin nods quietly, she would never admit it, but the severe temperatures are taking a toll on her. It was amazing how important something like fat is in a frigid environment. Rowan is naturally covered in layers of dense muscle. While Aelin is fit herself, she's still small and the first to feel the effects of persistent cold.

Watching the seals, she occasionally found herself jealous of their thick layers of blubber that kept them comfortable. She should have carb-loaded before they set sail.

They hop on the snow ski and traverse quickly over the powderlike substance.

~~~

When they reach the Terresen South Pole station and ditch their coats, they fall to the floor in a cascade of flurries. Rowan's spine straightens for the first time that day. Their coats were dense. With the additional weight of all of the equipment he carried, there was a perpetual bend in his spine.

It was a huge relief to be inside a climate-controlled building—light layers, freedom movement, and feeling in all of his extremities. Tossing that coat off was the pinnacle of his daily routine on this mission.

That is until he realized it was freezing.

Walking over to a light switch with urgency, he flicks it a few times. Nothing happens. Anxiety wells in his gut, and he hits the wall a couple of times before flipping the switch again.

"Shit," Rowan hisses.

"The power is out," Aelin's eyes widen with the realization. "That's not good."

"I thought I was the scientist, but look at you stating the obvious," Rowan growls as he shrugs his jacket back on. It wasn't nearly as frigid inside the insulated building as it was outside, but it was still bitterly cold. Keeping warm would be their first step in survival. Without heat, shit could hit the fan for them very quickly. Thankfully their satellite phones should still be functioning; he'd charged the battery the day before. There should be enough juice in the phones to send out a mayday call even without power.

Aelin doesn't put on her jacket. Instead, she heads in the direction of the lockers with a look of determination plastered on her face. It was a look he'd slowly begun to grow familiar with, mainly when Rowan was holding a ration packet she wanted. It made him uneasy.

"Where are you going?" Rowan calls after her, picking up her jacket. He wouldn't be held responsible for his younger, female partner freezing to death. HR at the University would have his head on a stick if she died on his watch.

He follows Aelin to her locker, where she's already sliding a grey jumpsuit over her clothes.

"I can fix the engines," Aelin pulls her zipper up. The jumpsuit covered head-to-toe, but they weren't nearly as warm as their snow gear. He could already see a slight blue-ish tint to her lips. "They probably just stalled. All I need to do is go down, diagnose the problem, and fix it. Easy as pie."

Ignoring the massive oversimplification of their situation, knowing it was a lost cause, he focuses on the immediate problem. "You need to keep your jacket on," Rowan thrusts the article of clothing at her. Her color was concerning him, and the longer she went without the thermal garment, the higher his stress became.

Aelin gives him a long-suffering look, all too similar to the one he gives her. "And get my hood or a sleeve caught in one of those beasts? Those machines are massive. Getting snagged could rip my arm off or kill me. It's like you don't even have a master's in engineering and a spotless safety record," she smiles at Rowan's scowling face. "Oh wait, that's me. Let me do my job, Dr. Whitethorn."

Before Rowan could argue, Aelin was gone down the stairwell towards the engines.

Dragging a frustrated hand through his hair, he tosses her jacket on the floor. His time is probably better spent getting through to their mission handlers on the satellite phones anyway.

~~~

Two hours later, Rowan has long finished his call with Dorian.

Their expedition leader had asked if they wanted a recovery team sent out to them, but Rowan hesitated. He was on the mission of a lifetime. He'd spent years waiting for approval to research at the southernmost tip of the world. It would be a devastating blow to his career and his pride for it to be cut short. The selfish part of him wanted to stay. The rationale, reasonable part of him was aching to stay the full duration of the expedition.

"You know, Dr. Whitethorn," Dorian spoke carefully. "There is a reason we chose Aelin to accompany you. She may be green and lacking a doctorate, but she's a miracle worker at what she does."

"Are you asking me to put my life in the newbie's hands?" Rowan asked without his standard vitriol. The situation and the cold had left him with no energy to be spiteful. He'd heard talk of her capabilities amongst the guys, and he'd seen a fraction of it when their snowmobile broke down. Rowan thinks back to the look on her face when she'd gone down the stairs. The steely determination of a warrior marching off to do battle.

Dorian laughs as if there was something funny about two of his most stubborn colleagues getting stranded in the south pole by themselves. "I'm not asking you to do anything. It's your call."

Rowan closes his eyes and contemplates their options. His head told him they should call the extraction team before they were nothing but frozen corpses. Yet, his heart didn't want to leave so soon. There was still so much work left to do.

Could he rely on Aelin?

"We will stay for now. Expect a call in twenty-four hours with a progress update." Rowan disconnected the transmission without any of the standard formalities.

After the fruitless call, he checks their food supply. Rowan scans the shelves, comfortable they wouldn't go hungry any time soon. Their only concern would be keeping all their shit from freezing, including their water. Rowan triple checks that everything is insulated, sealed, and stored away before moving on to other essentials, like batteries.

Another hour passes as he takes inventory, and Rowan is starting to feel the cold more than before. His nailbeds slowly shift from blue to white beneath his thick gloves, and he can't control the slight quaking spreading up his limbs.

When Rowan hears the doorway to the stairwell creak, he goes to check in with Aelin on her progress.

What he finds when he opens the locker room door sends his heart to his throat.

Aelin's hands loosely grip the zipper of her jumpsuit as she weakly attempts to free herself. Her face is a ghostly white, and her movements sluggish.

If she weren't moving, he'd have thought she was already frozen.

"Aelin, are you good? Talk to me." Rowan rushes to her and helps Aelin step out from the jumpsuit.

"I fixed the engine," Aelin coughs into the crook of her arm, her voice scratchy from the cool air. "It will be a couple of hours before they can catch up and heat the building."

Rowan rips off a glove and holds a bare hand to her cheek. Aelin's skin is freezing to the touch, even to his own icy hands. He notes that she isn't trembling the same way he is. It's not a good sign, the biologist in him notes. He knows it's her body growing too weak to keep itself warm.

"Sit down. You're freezing," Rowan helps her slide to the floor and looks at the discarded jacket that's still lying there. It won't warm her quick enough.

"Rowan?" Aelin speaks from her slightly slumped position.

Rowan is pacing, trying to think. They don't have a means of warming water for a bath. Laying next to the generators is too risky.

"Rowan," Aelin murmurs, her eyes drooping. "I can't feel my feet."

Rowan looks at her, and for a moment, she looks like an ice princess. Her blond hair is slipping from its braid and coiling across her colorless face. The cerulean blue of her eyes was the brightest color he now saw regularly beside the southern lights. They stood out even more starkly now.

It was all wrong.

"It's going to be alright, Aelin. You said the power is back on?" Rowan lifts her into his arms, her freezing nose burrowing into the crook of his neck.

"Yeah," she rasps against his shoulder. "But it will take a while for the building to heat."

"We don't need the whole building to heat. Do you trust me?" Rowan trots down the hall, careful not to bump her against the narrow doorframes.

She mumbles something incoherent into his shirt. "I trust you."

Rowan is thankful that the cold keeps the flush from his face. He reaches the desired room and fiddles with the control panel on the wall. A wave of relief hits him as the room behind the heavy door audibly hums to life.

"Okay, here we go." He says more to himself than Aelin. Rowan ditches the jacket and pulls his long-sleeved tee over his head. The buttons of his pants are next, leaving him in only his boxers.

Turning around, Aelin looks weary but not surprised. "Nice abs."

"Thanks," He says and kneels next to her, eyes searching her face for permission.

Aelin dips her head, "I'm not shy, Whitethorn. Don't fret."

Rowan helps Aelin maneuver her stiff limbs out of her garments until she is left in nothing but her bra and panties. Her face is pained as even more of her is exposed to the cold.

"Hurts," Aelin grits through her teeth, and Rowan gathers her up again. The icy room is like barbs against his exposed skin, but he's not in a position to complain.

The minute he carries her into the balmy air of the sauna, Aelin flinches. "Oh, that smarts."

"I know. It's going to suck for a bit while your blood recirculates." Rowan consoles softly, knowing he would also feel the cramping as they got their blood moving.

Drastic temperatures changes weren't the ideal way to warm up, but they'd spent far too long in the cold. He needed to get Aelin shivering again. It was the body's natural defense against the cold, and when a person could no longer shiver, it meant they were dipping into the realm of hypothermia.

The sauna was an added addition for the comfort of the researchers who visited the Southern base. It was a great tool to warm people after spending hours in the harsh climate. He'd heard tales of it from colleagues who'd visited the base before but hadn't yet saught to use it himself. Rowan was too focused on the mission. It hadn't carried any appeal for him until this moment, and now he was beyond grateful for its existence.

Rowan sits on the floor instead of the bench so that Aelin can curl up comfortably in his lap. Skin-to-skin contact was one of the best ways to help a person regulate their body temperature. He soothes a calloused hand over the length of her arm, trying to spread what remained of his warmth to her skin.

Aelin's cheek rests against his chest, and Rowan uses one hand to free her hair from its braid. The curtain of gold fans across her back, and he has to resist the urge to run his fingers through its waves.

He'd noticed how beautiful she was the day they first met at the university. Out of respect, he'd immediately repressed those thoughts. They were professionals, and Rowan wasn't about to ruin his reputation fawning over the new, young blonde on their floor.

But with her laying half-naked in his lap, it was hard to disregard how pretty she was. It wasn't even just her appearance. The girl was magnetic in every way. People paid attention when she walked in, and she claimed the lion's share of air in the room.

Fenrys and Conall flirted with her remorselessly. It secretly irked him. Rowan had long since memorized the way she laughed and how she'd smile as she shoed them away. It was all good-natured fun for them, but it always made Rowan irrationally angry. The time she'd showed up at the annual Christmas party in a green velvet dress with an open back nearly left his brain on the floor. His eyes had raked the smooth plains of skin, only turning away when she'd tried to catch his eye.

If he'd been paying attention, he would have seen her look of disappointment.

Rowan had written it off as an infatuation—a natural response to seeing an attractive woman. The scientist in him wanted to boil it down to chemistry and hormones. Cold facts that could diagnose the way he felt every time he laid eyes on her. Yet, as Rowan laid there with a hurting Aelin in his arms, he began to wonder if there was something more.

Her pain was making his chest physically ache.

A pair of arms snaked around his waist, and his body jerked. Aelin looks up at him sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm just really comfortable."

Rowan relaxes, "It's fine."

The steam in the room is slowly building. Rowan can feel the cramping beginning in his legs. Aelin's weight on his thighs was not helping the slightest, but there was no way in hell he'd move her.  

"My body is aching," Aelin says lightly, but he can hear the strain in her voice and feel a slight tremble running through her.

"That's good. Can you feel your feet?" Rowan can no longer resist, and her hair parts between his fingers like strands of gold silk.

Aelin tightens her arms around him, "Yeah. A bit. I didn't realize how numb they got until I took off my boots."

There's a slight tickle at his back, Aelin's finger tracing a pattern against his skin. A flush of warmth rushes through him, not from the sauna.

He's in unending deep shit.

"Aelin," his voice wavers uncharacteristically. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

The fingers on his back continue making their delicate patterns. "No."

"Aelin?" He asks again, but she cuts him off with a groan.

"Stop asking me questions and just kiss me," Aelin grips the back of his head and pulls his lips down to her's.

An inferno blooms inside his soul.

Aelin could never be a winter queen. She was the raging embodiment of summer. A burning ember he'd carried from the north into this land of ice. As his lips move against hers, he swears his body is lit ablaze, and when Rowan opens his eyes, he's delighted at the flush he finds unfurling across her cheeks.

"It's suddenly a lot warmer." Aelin laughs, looking more lively even as her body starts to quake from the warmth finally reaching her.

He kisses her cheek and tilts her ear towards his lips, "Aelin?"

"Another question?" Aelin's smile curls into something feline. "Is this that scientific curiosity the university is always going on about?"

"I just realized I'm desperately in love with you,"

Rowan lets the truth fall from his lips. It was just the two of them. They were the only human souls in this far corner of the earth. There was no one to stop him as he finally lets the emotions he'd been repressing until the moment Aelin was in danger wash over him.

"That's not a question," Aelin responds after a moment, her tone light and jovial.

Rowan smiles. "It's not."

Aelin curls back up against Rowan, enjoying the feel of his skin against hers. An embarrassing sound of contentment escapes her, which worsens her blush.

Not forgetting their original purpose in the sauna, Rowan grips her hands and massages them between his. "You have no response?"

"Not one that HR is going to like." Aelin winces as her hand spasms, and Rowan methodically works to ease the ache.

"Say it anyway," Rowan implores. Screw the university. He was tired of living for his work alone. Nothing outshined this moment, holding this woman in his arms. He could find a new job, but if Aelin reciprocated his feelings, he couldn't find another one of her.

"Well, I thought it was pretty obvious when I wore that dress to the Christmas party and then found a reason to walk past your office every day." Aelin huffs and looks up at him, "Don't tell me you didn't know?"

Rowan was speechless.

Aelin's eyes twinkle with amusement. "Rowan, Dorian, and I are friends. Did you know that?"

"What?" Rowan blinks confusedly. That was common knowledge, but he didn't understand why she was bringing that up now.

"Dorian and I go way back. He knew I had a thing for you, and I told him sending me on this trip was unethical when I'm such a new hire-" Aelin trails off, waiting for him to grasp her point.

"Wait," Rowan looks down at her, bemused. "Dorian was trying to set us up?"

"Human recourses won't like that very much either," Aelin grins. "But Dorian would keep our secret. He owes me a lot of favors."

The sauna's temperature had slowly been rising, and Rowan could see that his skin was returning to its usual color. Aelin still looked a bit pale, but it was probably residuals from being so close to freezing.

She'd risked herself to save the expedition and successfully fixed the engines. Rowan didn't believe for one second that Dorian only sent her in an elaborate attempt to set her up. She was bright and cunning. He was lucky to have her along with him.

"You got here on your merit," Rowan presses a soft peck to her lips as he soothes her unvoiced concern. He refused to let her doubt her level of skill. "But if the feelings are mutual, I would love to take you on a date when we get back home?"

"I would love that," Aelin crawls off his lap and holds a hand out. "Come on, now. We need to eat and sleep. We have seals to observe."

Rowan accepted her hand. Forget the seals. He would have a difficult time keeping his attention on them. His eyes were glued to her bare legs as they moved and the way her hair swung free of its constraints.

She smirked over his shoulder. Aelin knew precisely what she was doing to him.

Rowan had traversed to the end of the world to understand the natural universe a little better. While he hadn't unlocked any great mysteries, he couldn't help but think what he did find was better.

#rowaelin month #rowaelin #rowaelinscourt #rowan whitethorn #aelin galathynius #fanfic #prompts #cute #fluffy #southpole #throneofglass #tog #day one

[meditating-dog-lover]

Health and Fitness Updates (04/03/2021)

11 weeks into my health and fitness journey.

I have some great news - my family is buying a house! That's amazing given that we were never able to live in a permanent home before, and I haven't lived in an actual "cozy house"since 2009. I am definitely looking forward to this.

I've been working out every week, never skipping a workout and pushing myself as hard as I can (without injuring myself of course). I am doing HIIT and lifting weights, the usual.

I've gotten great results even after just 7 weeks. It's incredible. I am on week 11 into my health and fitness journey and I am waiting until week 16 to take more photos and compare my before and afters to assess my progress. I really hope to see more changes. I know it takes several months to reach a goal but I'm here eating healthy and working out for however long needed. I'll keep it up for the entire year (till December probably haha). For the next 5 weeks I'm going to be focusing on challenging myself with weight lifting. I want to push myself without hurting myself of course.

Outside of exercise, I have a very very very busy academic schedule. I am working several hours a day (feels like 6 hours or more a day). That is being combined with my fat loss and my intense workout routine. So of course, I'm getting pretty hungry!! I'm eating more than I did last month or 2 ago. I'm not binging or eating to the point of sickness. I don't have cravings and I am not eating unhealthy. I just have an increased appetite. I am eating more but I am trying to keep it healthy of course. I know I am naturally craving more food so I know that won't deter my progress. Keeping it clean and whole won't do that. If I ended up binging on junk food and lots of processed sugars and processed carbs, I know that will be stored as fat.

Good and healthy food is a source of fuel. So I should definitely eat if I'm hungry. I'm so busy with school and I graduate this year. I just want to get as much academic work done each day as I possibly can do.

I feel like my schedule will be lighter by next Friday. Really my schedule will be much much lighter by mid May. But April is a month where I have to keep working and keep pushing.

My mom and brother have been vaccinated. My dad is coming to visit us (after not seeing him for 2 years because of COVID) and he will get vaccinated. I am so happy I get to see him. We are all going to have a great time here together. I do plan on getting vaccinated in the future but I am skeptical of the vaccine because it is so new. No I'm not an anti-vaxxer, there's a difference. I want to do my research and see how it affects my family before I take it.

An old friend I knew since 2007 reached out to me recently, which was really nice. I never really had many close friends who I can speak to about anything about, but she was one of them. I definitely want to socialize more but there are people you can be good friends with. But not close best friends with. I don't have many close friends but I have a lot of acquaintances.

Eventually I will start driving again. I will have to if I want to go to work and get groceries when I move. I can drive and I am a good driver, but I don't drive much and I do have mild anxiety. But I'll get the hang of it.

Since January, I've been taking really good care of myself. I've been eating better, exercising more holistically, drinking lots of water and cutting out tea and coffee (I haven't had a cup of coffee since December), taking vitamins, taking care of my teeth, skin and hair. I feel healthy and I look very healthy. My hair is shiny, my teeth are super white, and my skin is rosy and glowing. I feel my multivitamin supplement really helped with this. Though my sleep schedule is a mess. But you can't blame me for that given that I have to work from home so my schedule is super messy. It will get better once I can work in person (hopefully by the summer and fall).

I'm in the process of achieving a lot of the goals I set for myself in December. Though to be honest I do want to be in a serious and committed long-term relationship soon. I'm intimidated by dating and men in general but I should be able to find a good person to be with. I don't appreciate being perved on and harassed frequently by creepy men so I hope to find someone good in the future. But I'll definitely stand up for myself whenever I have to (and I have before).

I stopped indulging in history, literature, and movies (sad face) because I really had to focus on my health (mental, emotional and physical) and my academics. I'll go back to that stuff this summer hopefully.

I hope everyone has a great week.

~HEALTH IS WEALTH~

#health is wealth #weekly update #healthy and fitness #fitblr #fat loss #exercise #healthy eating #healthy #busy schedule #college student #graduating #socializing #moving into a house #driving #relationships #work #self care #self respect

[hopeless-lovex0]

I HAVE A DREAM (PART 14)

Kim Hongjoong Fanfic

Warning: Angst. Cheating. Heartbreak. Cursing. Fluff.

Hello fellow atiny’s and kpop stans 👋🏼 Part 14 of I Have A Dream is here and it's a roller coaster. For anyone confused by the timestamps, I'll give a brief explanation.

(Y/N left for 3 months which would be 3 months into her pregnancy. Ateez moves into the small village for a month and by the time they leave Y/N is already on her 4th month. Throughout her 4th month all the way to the start of her 8th she stayed in the village till finally she moved back to Seoul with her brother to spend her 8th month there till she finally entered her 9th month.)

It's all a little confusing but I hope you guys are still able to understand. With that explained I hope you guys like this weeks update, and I promise next weeks is gonna be wild 😉 Without further ado here's part 14 of IHAD

5 months later...

Various colorful lights and music played all around the city of Seoul, groups of people gathering all over the place. Multiple banners hanged all over the streets, some promoting different idols others promoting food or drinks.

In the middle of the bustling city stood a very pregnant woman, her big belly covered by a light pink thick sweater and black jacket. She waddled her ways towards a small cafe located a couple of ways away from her brother's apartment.

Y/N felt too exposed, the amount of people around her was way more than the people back in the village. To her that small village miles away was considered home, the small brick house holding so many meaningful memories in such a short time.

After the guys and her brother had left, Y/N continued her life as normal or as normal a 4-month pregnant woman could get. She continued to go to work, Mrs. Park pestering her 10x as much since she didn't have someone to care for her like her brother. She could take care of herself, but once in a while she missed her brother massaging her ankles, or wooyoung and Jongho trying their hardest to make her laugh.

In the time that they were gone, Y/N had managed to make more friends. She meet Kyung Mi’s girlfriend, the two of them complementing each other perfectly. She also meet the rest of Mrs. Park's family, Mr. Park accepting her into their comfortable home with open arms. She felt so at home with them and she honestly doesn't know how she'll be able to be away from them while in Seoul.

During her 6th month, Y/N made her way to Seoul to visit the hospital she was planning on giving birth in. She only stayed for a week, and that week was the best one in her life.

She reunited with the guys again, swarming her in a group hug the minute they visited her in her brother's apartment. They took her out to eat that day, as if they were celebrating something enormous. Thinking back on it now, she laughs at the memory.

She talked to each one of them whenever they could, San calling and texting her almost every night. Sometimes they would talk about meaningless things, other nights they would talk about their future. He asked her if she considered having more children after the first one, to which she answered just one more. She asked him if he ever wanted children, to which he answered 2.

Every question they asked each other seemed to compliment each others answer. San wanted a small wedding in his home town, something that Y/N encouraged. Y/N wanted a honeymoon in Venice, wanting to visit the Rialto Bridge. San fully supported her, agreeing that it was a beautiful destination.

In whatever one of them desired, the other one would agree 100% or have the same in common. It's as if destiny desperately said they belonged together, and slowly they started to believe they did.

After her visit, she went back home to the little village far away. She continued to daily routine, going to work and occasionally going to her clinic appointments. From her 4th month leading towards her 8th month, she stayed in the village with Mrs. Park and Kyung Mi both of them doing their best to help their pregnant friend.

After her third trimester came, Y/N and Mrs. Park started to pack her hospital bag. Mrs. Park packing tons of baby clothing, pink and blue for when Y/N finally figured out the baby's gender. They keep the bag in Mrs. Park’s car for when they both traveled back to Seoul.

When she entered her 8th month, they packed Y/N’s suitcase and started their commute to her brother's apartment. That's where she spent her whole 8th month until she finally entered her 9th month.

That's where she was now, 9 months pregnant and standing in front of a little cafe. Entering the dimly light establishment, Y/N quickly scanned the place before she finally found who she was looking for.

Walking up to the older woman, her back towards her Y/N brings up her hands and covers her eyes. “ Guess who~~~~” she sings out, the older woman letting out a small laugh in return. “ I could be wrong but are you perhaps my annoying daughter?” she says, causing Y/N to gasp out in fake shock.

“ ANNOYING!? If anyone is annoying its Youngji!” Y/N yells out, crossing her arms and pouting like a little kid. “ You are right about that, Youngji does take after your father.” Her mother says as she gets up her seat and grabs Y/N by her shoulders.

“ Let me take a good look at you, I haven't seen you since you moved away darling.” She says, giving Y/N a once over before bringing her in for a hug. “ Oh how much I missed you, my princess.” She mumbles into Y/N’s shoulder, having shoved her whole face in the crook of her neck.

Returning the hug as much as she can with her big belly, they both relish in the comfort of their embrace. “ I missed you too mom.” Y/N says, getting emotional over not seeing her mother for such a long time. “ I missed you more.” her mother mumbles back.

Pulling away, her mother leads her towards the opposite seat from hers. They both sit together in silence just reading the menu and then placing their order to the waiter walking by. Her mother examines her, the sight of her only daughter about to have a child of her own causing her to get choked up. “ How have you been? How’s my grandchild treating you?” She asks, watching as Y/N rubs the bottom of her swollen stomach.

“ They've been super active recently, I guess it's because I'm already close to my due date. I've been good as well, other than the swollen boobs and not being able to see my feet anymore everything else is going well.” Y/N chuckles out, her mother snickering at her in return. “ Oh honey I know exactly how you feel. Youngji and you were so hyper during my last month, I swear I thought you guys would be great soccer players in the future with how hard you guys would kick me.” She laughs out, Y/N smiling at her mothers carefree behavior.

“ How's Youngji by the way? I called him the other day to see if he could join us today but he never answered back.” Her mother asks, playing around with the fork in front of her. “ Youngji has been really busy lately. The company he works at is growing fast and they are keeping him busy since he is the best worker there. He also asked me to tell you that he's sorry he couldn't answer, and that he loves you.” Y/N says, leaning forward and grasping one of her mother's hand.

“ Oh my poor baby, they are probably working him down to the bones. I hope he takes a break soon, his friends as well.” Her mother says, eyebrows furrowed in worry for her son and his friends. After their little conversation, their food gets to them causing them to eat in a comfortable silence.

Halfway through their meal, Y/N’s phone pings with a notification. Quickly picking it up, she checks her phone and starts to giggle to herself typing out a quick response then putting it down after. “ Who was that, darling?” Her mother questions, her curiosity peeked once she saw the big smile on her daughter's face.

“ It was San, he wanted to let me know that he'll be busy with his group's promotion today and that he'll call me later tonight.” Y/N carelessly says, missing the questioned eyes her mother gives her. “ Are you guys a thing?” She questions, causing Y/N to choke on her drink water snorting out of her nose from the question she was just asked.

Patting her chest, she shakes her head furiously while a bright red blush creeps up her face. “ OF COURSE NOT MOTHER!!! What makes you think that?!” Y/N exclaims, fanning and patting her face to get rid of the hot feeling covering her entire face. “ You got a glow in your eyes when you mentioned him. I know because your grandfather used to get the same look too when he talked about your grandmother.” She says, watching as her daughter avoids her stare by playing around with her food.

“ I don't know what you mean by that. I don't love him mother.” Y/N snaps back, feeling way to vulnerable for her liking. “ I never said you loved him. I just asked if you guys were together.” Her mother quickly defends herself, Y/N still refusing to meet her eyes. “ I- I won't date him mother... ever.” Y/N mumbles out, appetite completely gone by that point.

“ You won't date him? Or is it more like you can't date him ?” She questions again, receiving silence in return. “ Baby.. Are you scared that whatever happened with Hongjoong will happen with San?” Her mother asks, reaching forwards and taking her daughter's hands in hers.

Swallowing down a lump rising up her throat, Y/N clears it before finally speaking. “ It would be different this time if that happened. I'm scared to open up my heart like that again. What if he gets tired of me like how Hongjoong did? I'm about to have a child, what if he decides that he doesn't want my kid because it's hongjoong’s and leaves me for someone else. I can't go through that again mom, I can't put my child through something like.” Y/N says, watching as her mother rubs soothing circles on her hands.

“ Oh my poor baby, that will not happen with San. You want to know how I know that..? Because from that single smile and glow in your eyes I see that San makes you twice if not more times happier than Hongjoong ever did. Don't think that because that good for nothing ex wasn't able to keep his dick in his pants that San will do it as well. From what your brother has been telling me, San is trying his best to gain your attention. Knowing that you're pregnant, but still trying to gain your love I'll say that he's already better than Hongjoong will ever be.” Her mother rants on, voice hardening when she mentions Hongjoong’s name.

“ You really think so mom...That someone like him would even look at me that way..?” Y/N questions, voice small with insecurity. Her mother lifts up her head to look at her, giving her a heartwarming smile. “ I know so baby. You deserve so much more than Hongjoong and I can tell that San can give you that. You just need to open up your heart darling, you'll regret it if you don't. That child that your carrying might not be his, but he still stuck around to take care of you and my grandchild. To me that's a real man, and that's exactly what you my darling daughter need. An amazing man to love you and your baby unconditionally.” Her mother continues on, watching as her daughter breaks out in a small smile.

Y/N shakes her head, smile stretching out more as her mother comforts her. “ How do you know what to say every time I'm feeling down?” she chuckles out, bringing her mothers hand up to her lips and kissing them.

“ Oh darling it comes with being a mother! You'll know once that little bundle of pure joy is born.” she laughs out, tapping her pointer finger on her daughter's head.

They both continue to chat throughout their lunch date, laughing and reminiscing on old memories they had while still living together. Her mother talked to her about the time she spent taking care of her and her brother, giving her tips on how to take care of a new born as well.

Sooner than later, their little lunch date came to an end. They both stood right in front of the cafe, bidding their goodbyes’s as well as her mother giving Y/N’s stomach a kiss. Walking her mother up to her car, they both bid each other one final goodbye before her mother finally drives away.

Turning the opposite way, Y/N begins to make her way to her brothers apartment.

Halfway through her journey, she started to feel small sharp pains start up towards her lower back. Y/N stopped walking for a second, placing a shaky hand on her abdomen rubbing it slightly. “ You really are ready to come out huh?” She whispers to herself, standing there for a couple more seconds before finally continuing her way back home.

Standing in front of her brothers apartment building, she bids the front desk person a hello then makes her way towards the elevators. Getting in the small space, she begins to ascend towards the 6th floor continuing to rub her abdomen lightly as she still feels some discomfort creeping up.

Arriving to her floor, she walks out the elevator and quickly makes it into the apartment. Closing the door, she carefully leans against it as another sharp pain strikes against her back. Feeling short of breath, Y/N makes her way towards the sofa and drops her entire body on it. The pain last for a couple more seconds before finally going away, her back tingling from the previous pain.

“ It's probably because I'm so close to my due date already.” Y/N mumbles out, staying on the sofa as she caresses her stomach, feeling the rise of her flesh due to the baby kicking more and more.

Struggling to get up, she grabs her phone and checks for any missed calls or messages but is meet with nothing. Usually around that time her brother will call her to make sure she had eaten, and San will usually text her but she's meet with neither of those things. She figures that her brother must be backed up in the company and that San is currently busy with the rest of ateez.

Dropping her phone on the sofa, she makes her way towards the kitchen to grab something to eat. Before she can even make it there, she gets a sharp pain on her lower abdomen the pain so intense it causes her to double over. Huffing out, she walks up to the dining table and drags a chair out fumbling with it for a couple seconds then finally sitting down.

She stays there as the pain continues to increase quickly, coming and going a couple more times. There's no way I'm having this baby now! I still have two weeks before they get here! Y/N panics in her mind, wincing when the pain only seems to increase more and more.

Turning her head towards the clock hanging over the stove, she notices that her brother doesn't get out for another 4 hours. Debating whether she should call him, another pain (which she now begins to think are contractions) shots through her back and towards her stomach. Nodding to herself, she stands up with shaky legs and makes her way towards the living room where she left her phone.

Halfway through making her way to the living room, a sharp pain more stronger than the others causes her to cry out. Hunching over, she pants out multiple times before she eventually notices the small puddle under her feet. Staring at it in panic, she realizes the severity of the situation and as fast as she can makes her way towards the sofa and snatches her phone laying on it.

As fast as her fingers can type, she immediately dials her brother's number only to meet with the voicemail option. Cursing out she continues to dial her brother 4 more times before finally giving up and dialing San instead.

She prays that he'll answer right away, but is meet with the same results. She lets out a small sob from how scared she is, then takes a deep breath in order to calm down her racing heart and shaking hands. Redialling San’s number, she's once again meet with the monotone voice requesting her to leave a voicemail.

Finally breaking down, she sobs into her hand from how fast everything is happening and all without help from someone she knows and trust. Giving up on calling her brother and San, she turns to the only other person who she knows will help her without a second thought.

Trembling fingers hurriedly press a serious of numbers on the phone, bringing up to her ear when she's done typing in the phone number. The other line rings two times, before a shocked voice answers the call.

“ H-Hello..? Y/N is this you..?” the person questions, voice cracking when they call out her name.

Y/N can only cry out once another contraction hits her, body curling in with pain.

“ Y/N?!?? ARE YOU OKAY?!” they question, mind on high alert the second Y/N cried out.

“ H-Hongjoong.. Where's San.?” she hisses out through clenched teeth, trying to hold in the rest of her cries.

“ SAN? San’s with the rest of the guys in the practice room. The manager made them stay extra hours for slacking off and took their phones away.” Hongjoong explains, getting up from his work chair and making his way towards the door of the dorms.

Hearing that, Y/N sobs out again both from pain and knowing that she can't depend on him in that moment.

“ Y/N..? Hello? Please tell me your okay?! Did you just call me to ask from San..?” he questions, waiting for Y/N to answer back.

“ Hongjoong please listen to me. I need your help right now. Can you pick me up from my brother's apartment? You know where Youngji lives right?” Y/N fires questions left and right, not giving Hongjoong time to question her.

“ CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!? WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY ASKING ME TO PICK YOU UP?!” He screams out, mind all over the places from everything Y/N is throwing at him.

The line stays silent for a couple of seconds and Hongjoong is about to apologize in case Y/N got mad at him for screaming at her. Before he can even open his mouth, Y/N screams back at him. The words she utters out causing Hongjoong to freeze in shock.

“ MY WATER JUST BROKE ASSHOLE! NOW CAN YOU PLEASE PICK ME UP CUZ I REALLY DON’T WANT TO GIVE BIRTH ON A DIRTY OLD CARPET!” she screams out, wincing after when a contraction hits.

“ W-what...?” Hongjoong whisper out, soul completely leaving his body.

“ The baby is.. Coming..?”

#ateez #ateez angst #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop angst #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho

[onebangtanstan]

Power Style - Chapter Twelve : The group

I am in shock. Everyone is turning to me, following his gaze. They're starting to understand what is going on.

"KIM NAMJOON ARE YOU SERIOUS???" I'm yelling.

Yoongi tries to catch me as I start walking angrily towards Namjoon. As I'm arriving near him, I extend my arm and point my finger at him.

"You and me. Outside. Now."

He follows me out, and we're now facing each other once again. This is starting to become a habit. The cold doesn't even bother me at this point, my body is so hot from the rage.

I put a distance between us to be able to fully look at him while I spit my anger. He's standing as if nothing was wrong, with his hands still in his pockets, smirking at me.

I start scolding him.

"How could you do this?! You know how photoshoots work. And you just randomly decide to change your whole aesthetic?! As if it couldn't have waited until tomorrow?!" I am telling him off as if we was my child. I barely see the boys come out, I am too focused on him. "This is my job, and probably the biggest account I've ever done, and the only thing you seem interested in is how to fuck it up for me! What the fuck did I ever do to you?!" I can't see anything but his smirk at this point, which only enrages me more. I can't stop. "You are the most arrogant, annoying, disrespectful, ungrateful-" I vaguely hear someone call out my name "-cockiest piece of-"

"GINA!" I finally turn around to the sound of Jin calling me. He's standing right beside me. "Don't give into him." He whispers, looking deep into my eyes. He's right. I start to realize what I've just done.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No. What did I just do?" Jin takes me in his arms, which instantly heats me up. I didn't realize it but my body is numb from the cold.

"Breathe, Gina, breathe." Tae and Kook are beside us now too.

"Dude, even I wouldn't have went that far, and that's saying something." I hear Jimin talking to Namjoon.

Hobi is on the phone and soon hands his phone to Namjoon. Someone is obviously on the line, because I immediately hear a voice coming out of the device. Given the look on his face, he's probably being told off by someone above him, and he doesn't seem happy about it.

"Are you okay?" Hobi asks, arriving near our little crowd. "Do you need anything?"

I think of something. Something I haven't done in a very long time. But it's the only thing I can think of right now.

"Um.. I don't know.. I think I.." Why am I embarrassed? "To be honest I thinks I need a cigarette." I can tell that they weren't expecting this, but I see no judgement on their faces.

"Don't move." says Kook before running off to the parking lot.

He's back a few seconds later with a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.

"They're all yours. My drivers treat." I smile at him.

"Could I have some time alone guys?" They all nod, Jin takes me in his arms once again and proceeds to give me his coat.

As they walk back inside, I start looking for a place where I can sit down. Once that's done, I hold the packet in my hand and stare at it for a long time. Fuck it. I take one out and light it up, feeling the nicotine spread to my body.

I sit there and smoke my cigarette while staring ahead of me, contemplating what I just did. I hope this doesn't cost me the account, or even my job. I royally fucked up on this one, I never should have snapped that way at him. He's my fucking client.

I hear footsteps coming towards me, making my eyes focus again. I see Namjoon walking towards me.

"Please, just go." I tell him.

"I just want a light." What? He smokes? "Don't make that face, it's one cigarette here and there. Plus, I don't owe you anything. Give me the lighter."

"You do owe me this campaign." I start. "As for the rest, I agree. But it's not an excuse to treat my like shit."

"Please may I have your lighter?" He says ironically.

I simply lift my eyes up, handing him it. I can't get mad again.

I look up at him while he takes his first puff. Ok, he's hot. The hair colour really suits him, but it doesn't excuse the fact that he did it in the middle of shooting a campaign.

"Gina," The tone he's using startles me. I've never heard him talk to me like that, calmly, no anger in his voice. "I was just on the phone with my boss. I would like to apologize for what I did. I know it could have compromised all the work you've done." Sounds like a fake apology, but ok I'll take it.

"Look, Namjoon. We don't have to like each other. It's what I told you yesterday. But we are going to have to find a way to work together. We'll be seeing each other everyday for the next 6 months or so, and I can't be in this state of mind every time we see each other. And I most certainly can't fuck this account up, if I didn't already, it would jeopardize my entire career."

"Don't worry about that, the blame is on me." This feels weird. It's the first time we're talking without fighting. "As for work, I agree. What if we don't talk unless it's about Fila and the promotion? Would that work out?"

"Yeah I guess. We don't have a reason to talk other than that so yes." Wow. That was mature of him. "But it doesn't fix your hair problem."

"I'm an ass, I'm not stupid. I had a wig made exactly like how my hair looked yesterday."

That fucker. So it really was just to piss me off. He wanted to make a grand entrance, and he wanted that reaction of me. I swear t- Stop. Don't start again.

I simply stand up, finish my second cigarette -that I lit up unconsciously- and head back inside.

The atmosphere is tense when I walk in, and all heads turn to me. I sense a general relief when they see that I have calmed down.

"All right guys, we're shooting today. We've lost enough time, so let's speed everything up to finish in time." I direct to my staff.

The boys are almost done with makeup, while Namjoon is heading towards them, his wig in his hand.

"You are such an asshole." Jimin snarks

30 minutes go by, and we are all set to go. We start shooting, but we can still sense the tension in all of their faces.

"Guys, it's not working." I let them know. "Let's take a 15 minutes brake, have a coffee, some food, some air, I don't know, but let's all come back with a good energy, okay?"

Everyone scatters around the room. I sit down on my chair and just stare vaguely at the set up. A cup of coffee appears in my vision. The hand holding it is attached to Jin. He's standing beside me, Yoongi, Hoseok, Tae and Kook around him.

"Thank you" I smile at him as I grab the cup.

"What do you need Gina? We'll do anything to make your life easier." Jin is now kneeling down beside me.

I think for a bit but know exactly what has to be done. "Could you make us laugh?"

"WorldWide Handsome, at your service, you know?" I giggle. I knew this could lift my mood.

For the rest of the brake, I just watch Jin head over to each crew member, asking them if they know BTS. Kook is back to being the carefree boy he usually is, Tae and Hobi are having a dance battle with Yoongi as a judge.

From the side of my eye I can Jimin and Namjoon near the toilet, but don't pay too much attention to them. I focus on the others.

"All right people, let's get back into it!" Everyone takes their places, and we can already feel the mood has lifted up. Jin keeps telling jokes the whole time we shoot, making everyone relax as time goes by.

We take all the pictures we need before lunch. The company has ordered a bunch of food for us, and while we're waiting for it to arrive, I have a look at this mornings' shots. They are very good. I can see each of their personalities in them, but also their complicity. I stare at one particular pictures of them, and I think it will be the main visual for the campaign. I guess Jin had just made a joke, making Jungkook and himself laugh. The others all have a little smile on their faces. They look really cute.

"Hey, they're good looking men." Jin is looking over my shoulder. He points at himself. "Especially this guy."

"He's Jin from BTS, do you know them?" I smile at the sound of his laugh "He's known as WorldWide Handsome."

"I can see why." He answers.

The food finally arrives, and we all dig in. Well, almost all of us. I see Jimin roaming near the buffet, trying to decide what to go for. He ends up putting his plate back down and grabbing a apple and a bottle of water.

We finish eating and start cleaning up behind ourselves. I notice the apple on the table, half-eaten, and no Jimin. This is fucked up. He looks great, why does he do that to himself? I shouldn't say that, I know why he does that. Part of the reason I became an addict in the first place was because I thought I was fat. Nope, not going to think about that. I quickly clear my mind and focus on the filming part we have to do this afternoon.

The boys get changed while we arrange the set for the filming. I gather everyone around, staff and band, to give my directions.

"Okay everyone, we don't have much time to do this, and we will most likely have to do only one take per person. I'm gonna need everyone to put out their best work in order to make everyone else's lives easier. Do we all know what we have to do? Okay perfect, we can do this guys!"

Everyone rushes to their place, while I fill the boys in on what I'm going to need from them. They take place in front of the camera.

"Are we all ready? Aaand Action!"

We film all afternoon. Everything goes smoothly and I feel very relieved knowing we'll be done today. The only thing left will be the editing, and we'll be spending all weekend on that.

"We have everything we need guys! Thanks so much everyone, it's wrap!" I start clapping at my team, and everyone tags along.

I then head to the band.

"Thank you, you were brilliant today." Well almost. Thanks Namjoon. "I'll keep you updated during the weekend on how the editing is going. You can go now, thanks again."

As they head back to the dressing room, I start helping my team pack everything up. We have to empty the whole place since we won't be needing it anymore. I notice Namjoon and Jimin leave, but to my surprise, the others are helping out.

"Hey, no you don't have to do that."

"We said we wanted to make your life easier. This helps you all leave sooner." Jin says, as he picks up a cable.

"Yeah, and you and I have plans, so I'm staying until you're done. Might as well help out." Hobi tells me.

"Thank you guys, I really appreciate it."

We all get back to cleaning up, and we're done in about 30 minutes.

The crew leaves one by one with their respective equipment, but I have to stay until everyone is gone.

Jin comes up to me. "I have to go, but call me tonight?" He's holding my face in his hands. I nod and smile back at him, he answers with a kiss on my forehead. Yoongi leaves with him, and simply waves goodbye at me from afar.

Tae and Kook both give me a hug goodbye not long after Jin left. "Dinner at mine on Monday? To celebrate the launch." Tae asks.

"Absolutely!" I tell him.

Everyone is gone now, expect for Hobi who is just sitting on the floor. "Are we good to go?"

I check one last time if everything is in order, grab my stuff, and head out the door. I lock it behind me and turn to him, a smile on my face. "Let's go."

#bts #btsfanfic #fanfic #kpop #seoul #jin #tae #jin x oc #rm #rm x oc #hobi #hobi x oc #yoongi

[positivelypetty]

A REALLY long rant on the Joint Training Arc.

Okay, so since the Joint Training Arc is basically done, I thought I would share my various opinions and adress certain issues that A LOT of people had with this arc.

But, before we get into the actual rant, I think I should distinguish the difference between an opinion, criticism and just plain antagonism.

Here is an example of just misinformed toxicity:

This is just being TOXIC!!! You can’t shelter these horrible comments by saying “it’s just an opinion.” Please don’t act like after 4 years of really enthralling writing, he’s now the worst writer ever. Instead, explain why you don’t think this was the best story choice, instead of being clearly misinformed. It’s nothing absolutely terrible, but just a simple example on how people can be so demanding and completely inconsiderate to the creator.

“Forbidding” Horikoshi from writing is actually ridiculous. He WROTE AND CREATED your “precious sons” that you love so much. So, if you claim that the manga is now utter trash because it doesn’t personally cater to you, please abandon or take a long break from the manga/anime to maybe clear your head. Thank you.

We don’t need any more toxicity in this fandom than we already do.

Now with that said, let’s talk about the arc! (Also keep in mind that these ideas spurred from Reddit so, I decided to expand on it)

1-B vs 1-A situation:

I've been reading a ton of comments too, the good, and the bad and it's fine, everyone has their opinions and that's cool, but for me, it didn't seem it was about who won or lost, it was more about how each class was taught. And this boils down to both Vlad and Aizawa.

Vlad has obviously been pushing his students and their quirks to the max in regards to working in teams. This shines through in all of the fights they all work together very well and know the strengths and weaknesses of each other as well as their enemies. They go into a battle with a plan and are ready to execute the plan flawlessly.

Whereas Aizawa I believe has pushed for more individualist thinking style, and I think this comes from his basis of fighting villains. No one will come to save you, you have to be able to handle yourself whether escaping or defeating. He doesn't coddle his students, and he does push them to the brink as well. What's interesting is Class A has had more hands-on experience. With Aizawa’s teaching style I think they sometimes have a harder time working with one another and they can fall apart with their teamwork. HOWEVER their real-life experience has taught them that the best-laid out plans can not go as plan, and they are able to utilize their 'individual' thinking to fight regardless of a plan falling through.

I found it really interesting and I think there's value in both ways of thinking for Vlad and Aizawa. For Class B, they will have to learn how to abandon a plan that's not working and strategize on the fly, and Class A will have to hone their teamwork for long-running battles.

And let's be honest, these are just kids, pushing their bodies and minds to the limit, I don't find Class B to be 'trash' just because they lost, they still fought hard and worked better together in the long run then Class A. Class B didn't have any dead weight with their battles, everyone was utilized and contributed to all their fights. People are so set on who “won” or who “lost” the battle, that people overlook everyone’s overall individual quirks and techniques. I personally believe that many of the 1-B students were amazing and are forces to be reckoned with. It’s just that 1-A knows how to handle themselves when things don’t to go to plan rather than 1-B (as mentioned before) which gave 1-A the upper-hand in most of the battles, but I can definitely name a few fights where Class A's members were carried by their team.

Now to address the Shinsou thing:

To everyone who was PRESSED that Shinsou didn’t win....

What do you expect from Shinsou? I feel like people were overestimating him. Even with those cloth bindings and his quirk. All you need to do is shut your mouth, grab his cloth bindings (at best he has a few months training) keep focusing on him,restrain him, and boom you're done.(I obviously know it’s not that simple, but basically) I love Shinsou, I really do, but he’s basically Aizawa (I love Aizawa too don’t get me wrong). Aizawa mentioned that it took FIVE YEARS for him to truly master his quirk, and even though since this is the younger generation, so he’ll probably get the hang of it sooner, how long as he really been “training” his quirk under Aizawa? Definitely not long enough for him to go 1v1 with someone who is a close combat fighter. (It really isn’t that shocking that Deku won, he could probably win without Black Whip). Don't get me wrong Shinsou has improved MONUMENTALLY but not to the extent of 1-A who has direct experience in fighting villains. I just think people are mainly mad that 1-B lost is as because they think Shinsou won’t get into the Hero Course. Like chill. One of the main reasons 1-A won in the first match was because of Shinsou, so I think that proves that he is MORE than capable to get in to the Hero Course.

The whole OP Deku thing:

First off, I honestly don't expect him to ever match All Might at his prime in terms of consistent pure raw strength. Deku isn't a giant man of pure muscle, so I don't think he'd be able to go 100 and maintain it like All Might could. Deku is more of a person of different techniques and strategy, rather than brute force. Like, I don't know if Deku is going to be throwing punches that can blow away a city block.

That being said, each generation is getting stronger. Like, Endeavor will be surpassed by Todoroki by the time he graduates (if it even takes that long). Iida is already faster than Gran Torino. In the very beginning of the manga, they mentioned Deku will be the strongest holder of OFA, since it gets stronger each generation. Deku will have formidable rivals if the other strong students also reach their full potential. Hell, those rowdy kids we saw at the makeup exam already had really strong quirks at their young age. Generational power creep means that everybody around Deku will get way stronger than the current pros.

I understand the sentiment that Deku doesn't need more quirks, but Deku's quirk development was already approaching a plateau in terms of being able to fully control what power he could handle. He'd just work on his technique and slowly get stronger and stronger. Sure, he's gonna eventually be able to punch/kick hard enough to shoot himself around in the air, but we've already seen that stuff (plus Bakugo does that too). I know Horikoshi is creative and will develop some cool moves for Deku, but Deku's struggle to control OfA was mostly over. All he had to do wast master OFA steadily and he’ll be good. More quirks means that he may unlock more quirks when he's able to use more %. So instead of reaching 30% and just being X amount stronger physically, he may unlock a new tool to try and master/incorporate into his combat toolkit.

If this is a negative turn for the story, we won't even be able to tell until many, many more chapters are released. We may look back and decide that this was a bad move, but we shouldn't assume that's the case when it was literally introduced TWO WHOLE CHAPTERS AGO. (even though I don’t think it was a bad move AT ALL)

What I hope to see in future Arcs:

I think what fans would really enjoy and we could all use some real Deku character development. Deku’s my favorite character, but I feel like people can’t connect to him as much as someone like Todoroki, because his lack of emotional development. He’s indeed way more confident then he was in the beginning, I still feel like he has low self esteem. Someone needs to tell him that he’s worthy of this mega powerful quirk. ( he needs it 😭)We know so much about him, but rarely see him living his day to day life outside of training, costume updates and the occasional villain attack. Last time we got anything close to development in was only told through Aoyama's development.

These next few chapters will definitely give us something, but only as it relates to One for All. I'd honestly like to know Deku's thoughts about his situation, he seems determined that's for sure. Does he feel stressed, uninformed, unprepared, scared...resentful? We can infer a bunch, I'd just like to see him talk to All Might, Bakugo or his mom about it.

In Conclusion:

Honestly, to me,It never seemed to matter who won or lost any of these matches people were gonna complain regardless. When Class A wins they call it predictable and when class B won they say call it BS or plot amor. Even when it’s a draw people got upset saying Todoroki was disappointing. Some people wanted the matches to be fleshed out over a couple of chapters rather than rushed, then a few weeks later complained that it was taking to long. Bakugo wins his match quickly and those same people lose their minds about how they wanted the match to be longer. People complained about Horikoshi not letting the girls shine in battle after the second match, but conveniently forgets Tsuyu was the MVP of the first match and Kendo and Mushroom girl made 1-B win the second match. (AND WE’RE NOT GONNA FORGET HOW URARAKA AND MINA DOMINATED THE MATCH)Then you have the people who say all of 1-B is worthless and then Juzo and Tetsutetsu prove otherwise. Now we have people think Deku is OP but in this new chapter it seems that he much has a limit to using these other abilities but I’m sure that won’t stop the myriad of complaints. Every week the same people come to see the spoilers and complain based off of a fragmented non-contextualized summary of the chapter and wonder why they enjoy the chapter itself less. Maybe going into a chapter with a negative outlook will do that. The part that irks me is that virtually everyone whose binge-read this arc seems to enjoy it only seems to be us week to week readers with a issue. Either way I hope the discussion going into the next arc are far more level-headed constructive than they have been.

I think this will be one of the arcs that played out better once it was animated. Individual panels maybe favored over the anime, but overall pacing will surely favor the anime. Waiting week in and week out, over analyzing every short chapter has really done no favors for fans and Horikoshi.

#mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #deku #midoriya izuku #bnha #mha 213 #mha 214 #mha 215 #mha 200-215 #mha 216 #thanks for coming to my ted talk #yall are so annoying #i stg #rant #anime #manga #manga spoliers #bnha spoilers

[gnot-that-gender]

3rd February 2020

8 weeks on testosterone.

Hi all. Time for an update.

It's been 2 months now. I haven't posted anything because...well...not much has happened. I know progress with hormones is slow but fucking hell.

Content warning for body ickiness, menstruation, genital talk.

General Stuff

I mentioned in my 20th of December 2019 update that my weight and body fat measurements had changed. So here's an update.

Chart as before.

I have put on a lot of weight now and tbh I'm not sure why. My appetite has weakened a lot. I'm snacking a lot less and having more regular meals (which isn't to do with hormones and more to do with me recovering from eating disorder).

I am however drinking a LOT of water. Thorsty boy.

Talking of thirsty....

Sex Drive

Not sure how much people on here know about me, but I'm a sex favourable asexual guy. I have experienced sexual attraction but...rarely and not consistent to people so I dunno what's going on.

I also usually had a very low libido. In the past year my libido had been going up naturally, and as is typical with testosterone it now has had a boost as well. I don't feel necessarily any bigger drive to have sexual contact with others, but knowing it's easier to turn me on had had me curious as to if I could be more casual about sex, despite not having sexual attraction. I won't go into it but it's been interesting.

Genitals

Hi again! It felt like my growth had stopped but recently taken another look and I don't think you could look at it and think it belongs to a cis woman. The head now peeks out of the foreskin most of the time and I can pull it back to reveal the whole head which is very bright pink. I know a lot of guys complain about over sensitive genitals at this time but such hasn't been the case for me. But then I have quite a bit of fat and hair down there so that's probably keeping me protected. Though touching the head doesn't feel overwhelming like it used to before I was on T.

Menstruation wise, still regular as clockwork. Lasting longer than they did before (used to be 3 days, now 5 or 6) and now I get period pains which is!!! Not fucking nice considering I have been very lucky to miss them most of my life.

Skin

My skin is maybe getting a bit oily. I have regular spots on my face but nothing too dramatic. Eczema is in full force but again I keep forgetting to take my antihistamines so that is probably the culprit. I might invest in something to help.

Hair

My hair has definitely become more greasy. It used to cycle between feeling soft and fluffy when washed, then dry and easy to manage, and then flat and greasy. Now it seems to jump right to flat and greasy. Interestingly I've had less dandruff. But that makes sense if my scalp is more sticky. Hair isn't falling out. Hairline doesn't seem to have changed (it has always been kinda square as per the picture).

Mood and Attitude

Definitely not having angry outbursts as some people report. Haven't cried since my last update. But I've had no reason to and never been much of a crier anyway. I'm more confident for sure, but I've also moved home recently. Out of a stressful situation so that says a lot for my more positive outlook.

Face and Fat

My face is fatter because I've put on weight. I'd say on regard to fat distribution my face hasn't benefited. Actually none of me has. All my extra weight has gone to my hips and back and added to my muffin top/love handles. I hate it. It reminds me of when I was on the contraceptive pill. :/

Voice

Nope. No change yet. Actually I read up on it and apparently some guys never experience voice changes...especially older guys as our cartilidge is less inclined to grow. And some guys end up with a broken voice forever. So... I'm terrified of that. As a singer the thought kills me.

Body and Facial Hair

No change at all. Might try minoxidil for beard growth but chances are it won't do anything because nothing is growing at all yet.

Concerns

If I'm honest, I don't think the T is having a proper effect. It could be because I'm using testogel and have some sort of issue with absorbing it but my suspicion is my body is turning it back into oestrogen (hence the body fat stuff and heavier periods). I'm trying not to worry about it too much until my 6 month appointment. But it's frustrating.

Overall...

Very downhearted. Everything else in life is pretty good and this is the only real thing bothering me, which probably just makes it feel worse but I'm coping. Bought myself a packer as a treat to help with some dysphoria.

Until next time folks x

#gnot me #dysphoria #gender #transition #afab transition #testosterone #testogel #hormones #transgender #trans man