#playlists will be listened all time except when I initially titled them to be

[heart-wit-strength]

Bitches will name their playlists shit like "writing music" and "(au) music" and then none of that music will ever be listened to while writing. it's me I'm bitches

#playlists will be listened all time except when I initially titled them to be #i'm sorry i don't make the rules #text post #shitpost

[eomma-jpeg]

In The Meadow - Music Analysis

i said i was gonna post bc i love music analysis and i love my beloved characters, so if you too have an obsession, then this is for you.

The Playlist

I think I may just go down the line

The Meadow - Nickel Creek

This song was one that i just happened to be listening to when I started writing ‘in the meadow’ but i liked it and the kind of… building and dynamic of the relationship in the song that I decided to use the song as inspiration and where i get all the chapter titles lol

Ultimately the relationship in the song doesn’t go anywhere, but the narrator still hears that person they decided to fall in love with, and they use the echo of a voice in the meadow as their reminder and it just,,,, i liked it so much and i still listen to it multiple times a day lol

You and Me - Lifehouse

So this song is specifically on here because of this comic by faestorian

It just…. Yeah, there’s not much to say except its from Knives perspective… and I love him and how easily distracted he is by her.

Not Strong Enough - boygenius

This song,,, just has Knives written all over it. Specifically these lines

I don't know why I am

The way I am

Not strong enough to be your man

I tried, I can't

Stop staring at the ceiling fan and

Spinning out about things that haven't happened

Breathing in and out

I just think it shows Knives’ overthinking and eventual kind of decision that he thinks he’s not enough for her or could never be worthy of the kind of benevolence she gives him, and so he’s trapped in his own mind about stuff

The line ‘i don’t know why i am the way I am’ is repeated throughout the song and… i just felt like knives is always asking himself why he is this way even though he knows but at the same time he doesn’t know why he and vash reacted so differently to the same trauma and its just so frustrating for him.

Also the line ‘Always an angel, never a God’.... thats a good line, especially in the knives context

Liar - Paramore

So liar was on here initially as a millyons song, but has since undergone a vashmeryl transformation, so the song applies to the both of them

Its just a song about how you tried to hide things about yourself from the person you love to keep them safe, but ultimately you realize that the person who you wanted to keep safe was the one doing the protecting, and you don’t know why you ever needed to lie to them

I love this in a millyons context bc i think Knives at first tried to hide himself from Milly, and then ultimately realized ‘why am i doing that? She’s only trying to help me’ 

It takes a lot for the boy to accept help

In a vashmeryl context, its the both of them… but mostly vash

They just cant figure out why they tried to hide from one another, when its obvious they care so deeply

This second verse is so good for vashmeryl

I got too good at fighting chemicals

And dodging arrows I was asking for

Wading through the fog and then it disappeared

Naked when I'm here

And why should I deny what's all

At once, so crystal clear

And i just really like paramore a lot

The Bomb - Florence + the Machine

This song,,,, geez

I initially liked this song for knives and milly, but it works so much better as a song from meryl’s perspective about vash. 

It just is told from the pov of a person who has fallen for someone who never does any good for themselves, always getting hurt or hurting others in the process. The line 'unavailability is the only thing that turns you on’ is so raw and very good for meryl as a person who just thinks that vash lives in this constant of ‘i want so many things i can never have’ and thinks he can never have them

And yet meryl is always there to try and give him anything

And then the second half of the song it switches, the narrator is now explaining that that is what they have fallen for, the destruction and unavailability and the chaos

They just love to convince themselves that they love each other for the worst reasons.

Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers

So savior complex was added to accompany the idea that Milly herself has one, and this song is just one of my all time favorites and I needed it to be included

The relationship in the song is kind of implied to go poorly (as most one sided savior complex relationships do) but i love the lyrics to the build up

Crocodile tears, run the tap 'til it's clear

Drift off on the floor

I drag you to the shore

Sweating through the sheets

You're gonna drown in your sleep, for sure

I think,,, these lyrics relate quite well to how milly felt in the beginning of ‘in the meadow’, just desperate to help and seeing his own desperation for something different, a change, and Milly decides she going to do whatever it takes to help him through it

Crave - Paramore

I just love paramore. I’d put their entire new album on this playlist if i could

This song is uhhh from Knives’ perspective and his just desire to remember everything about Milly. Every moment of every day is just, he craves it. He wants to be near her even if he doesn’t quite understand why.

The song also delves into like, unhealthy practices and how you still crave those terrible times because of the familiarity,,,,,, and if that isn’t knives i don’t know what is

‘I romanticize even the worst of times’

(You) On My Arm - Leith Ross

This song is just a silly “I would do anything for you” song from Knives’ perspective.

It just talks about the most mundane things and being in love and im just a sap for knives becoming a sap for milly.

Apple Pie - Lizzy McAlpine

This song AHHHH for vashmeryl !!!!!! THE ONE SHOT T-T

It just is about a person who is your home away from home and how no place could be complete without this person and despite moving around and finding new adventures and new beginnings, you wouldn’t be able to do it without that one person

I think that vash is like that about meryl

The story is told from the perspective of a person who is constantly moving and changing, but they need that one consistent of the person they love, and vash is very much that way for me about meryl; he needs to return to her, or at least keep her nearby

Some day we can be in the same city

Some day we'll be grown and I'll be fine with packing up

Cardboard boxes filled and sad farewells

And I'll be fine we'll pack a bag

As long as I don't say goodbye to you as well

I think, eventually vash realizes that home is not a place, because he’s never really had a home except for the seeds ship, and meryl becomes that comfort for him

It’s Alright - Mother Mother

This song… is a doozy

So the main voice of the song is someone overcome with guilt, just unable to kind of forgive themselves for whatever mistakes they’ve made, which I really liked for knives, but the most important part is the second chorus !!!!!

The first chorus is from a first person perspective of the song’s author, but the second chorus is from an outside perspective !!! And I like to think of it as milly comforting knives during moments when he doubts he can be a good person

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay

You're not a monster, just a human

And you made a few mistakes

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay

You're not gruesome, just human

And you made a few mistakes

Please just,,, listen to the song and tell me the verses don’t just SCREAM knives

Eraser - Ricky Montgomery

So this song i haven’t had a lot of time to dissect this one, but i think its just kind of a perspective of milly trying to comfort knives despite his flaws and feelings of guilt. The first verse is just the narrator figuring out whats going on, and then it moves into the chorus which provides kind of a solution, stating that the “eraser” doesn’t have to ruin their life over something so small.

I just like the comforting aspect. The voice of the song is convincing their target that everything is okay, and even when its not they can work it out together, avoid anyone else and just breathe

Hate to See Your Heart Break - Paramore 

Soooo this song is just chapter 23,,,,, and the both of them (mostly milly) just aching inside because she can see his heart breaking over and over again and it kills her inside, so milly just provides solace and comfort in the fact that thats what being a human is. Sometimes it hurts so much, but she’s there to remind him that there is light and she wants to be that light T-T

For all the air that's in your lungs

For all the joy that is to come

For all the things that you're alive to feel

Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal

My heart hurts anytime i listen to this song cuz i can just see like,,, milly comforting knives in any given scenario, desperate to convince him of the good and hating the pain in his expression

A New Kind of Love - Frou Frou

I really like this song for Vashmeryl because its kind of a dance of the mundane, as well as finding the love within

Because the first verse of the song kind of dabbles in the way the love becomes a branded thing, just something you buy or is fleeting, but the voice of the song and whoever they are addressing find a love despite this new kind of love

I just like vash and meryl finding each other in that classic kind of love, and just eventually realize theyve both fallen hard for one another

I also like the verse that talks about how busy each person has become, and the kind of mundane act of disregarding the person you love because you’re afraid of the outcome…. Yeah

Agoraphobia - Autoheart

Yeah this song was put on there specifically for knives and his innate desire never to leave the house again,,, just kind of lock himself away from the scary aspects of the world and life.

Slow Dancing - Aly & Aj

I love this as a vashmeryl song, specifically them getting to know each other after years of knowing each other,,, y’know?

Just the heartfelt act of having been around one another and having fallen deeply in love, but now they have to relearn how to interact, how to behave when someone isn’t hunting you down or chasing you from town to town. 

And they both realize it doesn’t need to be fancy or extraordinary,,, it just needs to be real.

Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

Okay, this song is on everyone’s ship playlist, and it often ends up paired with vashwood, but I liked it as a song from Knives’ perspective for milly

Especially the chorus

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

Knives ultimately doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, they don’t have any say in what he does or doesn’t do, but he does care about milly and what she thinks and how she’ll react, and he knows he can always turn to her for comfort, because thats what milly is… pure comfort. 

And for the first time in his long life, he wants someone other than Vash to know everything about him

Make You Feel My Love - Adele

Milly and Meryl energy in this one !!!!

Initially i had it as a milly song, where she kind of wants knives to know that no matter what she’s going to be there for him to comfort and offer support whenever

But i do like the idea of Meryl being like,,,, im going to make you understand that i love you no matter the circumstances, rain or shine i will be there and you will accept it because I love you, you DUNCE

Never Ending Summer - Wes Reeve

Uhh i added this song mostly for vibes and because I liked the idea of Milly saying ‘kiss me hard, touch me soft on the weekends’

:D 

It’s just a lovely song about like,, love blindness and i think that milly and knives will suffer from that for a bit

Graceland Too - Phoebe Bridgers

So i added this song purely for the line ‘Whatever you want me to do, I will do’, and then the repetition of ‘whatever she wants’ because i like the idea of this song being from Knives’ perspective as he watches milly kind of… unravel ? in moments when she’s working too hard or needs a break from the world, he wants to be there for her. 

I just love the idea of unfailing love… and uhhh we won’t read to far into that.

#im about to post chapter 23 !!!! #millyons #millynai #trigun #vashmeryl #music analysis #music appreciation #milly thompson #millions knives #vash the stampede #meryl stryfe

[theangryjikooker]

Hey, TAJ!

How have you been?

I know the past several months have been crazy in all spaces (might be crazier now, if I'm being honest, and I'm talking about everyone), but I'm glad you're back to sharing your thoughts.

Have you had the chance to listen to Face and D-Day? May I know your thoughts about them?

Also, are you anticipating the release of JK's album? I'm wondering what kind of direction he's decided on.

I've been feeling that the timing for the release of the members' albums to be very tight, though, I understand that they have a timeline.

Thank you!

Hi! Everything is great with me, I can’t complain (outside of the Internet anyway lol). Hope all is the same for you. :)

So, disclaimer, my feelings are based on my musical preferences. I just know some people are going to take this personally because they’ve made it their mission that music is not a subjective art form at all.

For some background, my listening pattern tends to be that I loop things for an indeterminate amount of time upon initial release. Eventually, I no longer have the interest to loop things and start getting selective about tracks I really like and shove them into my shuffled BTS playlist. If I really love something, I also add it to my like tracks, which is more extensive and spans different genres. I often switch between my specific and liked playlists because my listening style makes it very easy to get bored.

“Just change it,” one might say.

If I could, I would, but I also don’t want to. I’ve been like this since I was a kid. It’s also very rare that I listen to whole albums and like every single song. I cannot stress this enough, though I can confirm that this has been achieved by several OT7 albums. Prior to these, however, I was raised on classical vinyl records, and I don’t quite count them as “albums” in the way we understand them today. Make of that what you will.

Anyway, point being, my listening style and ultimately how I organize songs after the initial novelty has worn off is definitely a reflection of my long-term interest.

And I should hope that many of you are adult enough to understand that not liking everything an artist puts out does not make someone any less of a fan. Purists are not invited in this house; if you have an issue with it, go to someone who’ll pander to you.

All this said, I’ve listened to both albums.

When FACE and D-Day were released, both followed the aforementioned pattern. I agreed with the sentiment that FACE didn’t sound like your typical Kpop genre. Jimin has always defied expectations in that regard. Visually and conceptually, FACE was excellent, but knowing what Jimin is capable of, I was also expecting something a bit more, musically. I’m not saying the album was bad, but it was different. I think, for that reason, I’ve mostly been undecided, even though I did add the majority of the album to my BTS playlist. Except for “Letter”—shipping aside, it’s very beautiful. It’s a shame it wasn’t released as a stand-alone because I probably would have given it near infinite plays, and it would’ve found a spot in my liked playlist as well.

If I were to take anything away from this, it’s that I’m more interested in what his sophomore album will look and sound like, now that he has a taste of the process and has the experience.

D-Day is a very strong album, but keep in mind that Yoongi (like the hyung line) has a lot of experience under his belt. That’s natural. But for a while, with the exception of “Daechwita” and “People” off D-2, I had a hard time connecting to the tracks released under Agust D. FOR SHAME, I know. It wasn’t until D-Day that I was able to listen to D-2 and the self-titled album with a different mindset, which also affected my renewed appreciation for them. D-Day, however, is the superior installment of the trilogy. Maybe it’s cheating, but I think it also helped immensely that I was given free passes for the Agust D tour, which I hadn’t anticipated on attending. But free is free, what can I say. There’s a reason why music and live performances are crucial to an artist and their art. Sometime ago, a lot of people here assumed Yoongi was my bias, despite how rarely I talked about him. He wasn’t, and over time I gradually accepted that I didn’t really have one. Now? I can say that statement probably resonates with me a lot more these days.

And of course I’m interested in what Jungkook’s cooking up. I maintain that his voice is appealing to big western production, so I’m thinking we might see something that fits that particular palate? But the thing with Jungkook is that he’s been exploring sound and allegedly having a hand in the instrumentals, which only serves to expand his range, so my previous assumptions on his album might already be outdated.

#TAJ asks #nauicheonsanauisesang #bts #park jimin #jimin #min yoongi #yoongi #jeon jungkook #jungkook

[thephantomessoftheopera]

Notes on Gaston Leroux’s “The Phantom of the Opera” - Chapter 13: “Apollo’s Lyre”

Image of the Apollo statue on the rooftop of the Palais Garnier from Wikimedia Commons

<< Previous Chapter

The chapter “Apollo’s Lyre” constitutes the basis for the “rooftop scene” between Raoul and Christine in the ALW version, but in the book, it is really all about Erik. It’s quite possibly the most important chapter in the novel because we meet our title hero face-to-face for the first time, and because Erik overhearing Christine‘s plan to escape provides a turning-point for the plot.

The symbol of Apollo's Lyre is not only present in the Apollo statue on the highest point of the rooftop (that Erik is supposedly clinging to here), but also adorns the chandelier both in the Palais Garnier and in the original production of the musical.

At the end of the preceding chapter, Raoul had vowed to take Christine away, but she is still at war with herself about the idea. She wants to leave because she is afraid, but at the same time, warns Raoul that he will probably need to force her to leave since she isn’t emotionally ready to let go:

““But if I refuse to go with you when the time comes for you to take me away, you must make me go!” [...] she spoke these words with a forcefulness that seemed to be directed against herself.”

Every time Raoul offers to take her away right then and there, Christine refuses with an excuse of why it’s not possible to leave just now. Yet she is afraid that the next time she goes to Erik, she may never leave again. Erik seems to make her feel very deeply - but too much feeling can be very terrifying, especially if it’s a wild ride on that emotional rollercoaster of ecstasy, horror, pity, despair and passion that he sends her on. It’s no wonder she rationally wants to get out before it consumes her, and yet is afraid of losing it.

While she begins telling Raoul the whole story from her perspective, they repeatedly think they hear sighs, but still remain in the same place. This is a bit odd, considering how they kept running around before, but now, Christine insists that they stay, which is a bit curious. It is possible that she thought they were safe - but considering her general unwillingness to leave, I think it is even possible that she might be subconsciously sabotaging her own escape plan.

When Christine speaks about how she first met Erik, it becomes clear that masquerading as the Angel of Music was not initially Erik‘s idea. When Christine heard Erik in her dressing-room for the first time three months ago, he sang and spoke to her like a real man, except that he had this beautiful angelic voice and was hiding in the passage behind her room, so that he could not be seen. The first person to suggest that he might indeed be the Angel of Music is Mama Valerius, who prompts Christine to ask Erik if he is the Angel her father had sent for her. Erik jumps at the opportunity presented to him and confirms that her assumption is correct, and asks if she will let him teach her. She consents, and together they make amazing progress, developing both Christine’s technique and her inspiration to hitherto unknown heights.

One day, Christine sees Raoul at the Opera, and eagerly tells Erik about it. I bet he bitterly cursed himself then for passing himself off as an Angel, leaving enough space in Christine’s heart for a real man. But his threats to leave cause her to despair and to try to ignore Raoul - also because a marriage to him would be out of her reach anyway. Now it’s Erik’s turn to whine and accuse Christine of being in love with Raoul in the same way we’ve seen Raoul do before. But just like with Raoul, she won’t have that and even challenges Erik that she will ask Raoul to accompany her to Perros. According to her, Erik’s jealous reaction made her realize that she loved Raoul. I wonder if madly jealous Raoul also made her realize that she might possibly be just a little bit in love with two very different men?

Subconsciously, she seems to kind of know already that Erik is not really an angel, because when the chandelier falls, she is half-mad with panic and terribly afraid that it may have killed “the Voice” (and it would be a bit difficult to kill a heavenly being even if you dropped a chandelier on it). She also admits that then, Raoul and Erik were both “the equal halves of her heart” (and I think they still are, beneath all the complications that have arisen in the meantime). She runs to her dressing-room because that is where she is most likely to find “the Voice”, and when she hears the sounds of Erik singing and playing the “Resurrection of Lazarus” on his violin, she follows his voice through the mirror without being able to say how exactly she disappeared through it. She suddenly finds herself being gripped by a man in a black cloak and a full-face mask and tries to fight back, but then faints. When she wakes, she is resting on the ground near a fountain, and Erik is gently tending to her, but doesn’t reply to her questions so as not to give himself away as “the Voice”. Christine recognizes César the horse, and realizes that even though she never believed in the ghost, she had heard the rumours about him stealing the horse.

Erik takes Christine to the house by the lake, first on César’s back (that’s what he needed the horse for, after all) and then in the famous boat (which is rowed in the novel). She is no longer terrified, but feels strangely peaceful - an effect which she attributes to the possibility of having been drugged, even though she admits that at the same time, she was still in full possession of her senses.

“Lake Averne”, the name of the lake under the Opera House, is a play on words as well as meaning. First, “lac averne” is almost the same as “la caverne”, which means “the cavern”. There is also a real lake named “Lago d’Averno” in Italy, and in Roman mythology, that lake is one of the entrances to the Underworld. This fits with the fact that Erik also bears characteristics of Charon, the ferryman to the Underworld, whose name can be literally translated as “with glowing eyes”. The iconic boat ride certainly resembles the passage into the Hades, which is even alluded to in the novel.

The water tank below the Palais Garnier. Image from atlasobscura.com

Let’s stay in the Underworld for a moment. “The Phantom of the Opera” can also be seen as a variation on the story of Hades and Persephone (Christine’s ship in “Love Never Dies” is not called “Persephone” for nothing). Hades, the god of the Underworld, fell in love with the young and beautiful Persephone and wanted to marry her, but as the goddess of spring, she wasn’t willing to abandon the world above and go to live in the Underworld. Therefore Hades abducted her, she finally consented to marry him and became queen of the Underworld. Due to the intervention of her infuriated mother Demeter, it was finally decided that she would divide her time between living on earth for some months every year and living in the Underworld for the rest of the time.

When they arrive, Erik sets a confused Christine down in his brightly lit drawing-room, which has been decorated with an enormous amount of golden baskets full of flowers. It is not quite clear where all the flowers come from, so I guess he bought them all for her. With a salary of 20,000 francs, he could probably afford the luxury of spending so much on flower decorations… He tells her that she is in no danger, as long as she doesn’t touch his mask. When Christine realizes that the Voice is not an angel, she starts crying. Erik then kneels down in front of her and proceeds to tell her without further ado who he is, begs her to forgive him, and lays his heart at her feet. He confesses how much he loves her, and how wrong his actions were, but that he did everything out of love for her. It seems that Erik was rather anxious to reveal the truth that he is not really the Angel of Music and end his deception, but at the same time, was waiting for an opportunity that would allow him to explain everything without the risk of her running away from him forever. Keep in mind that he took on the role of the Angel of Music for just a couple of months, not years as it is commonly assumed.

Christine then stands up to demand her freedom, and is taken aback when he actually concedes it to her, telling her that she is free to leave. But after all, she does not leave because he starts to play the harp and sing for her. The piece he is singing here is the “Canzone del Salice” from Rossini’s “Otello”, in which Desdemona laments the cruelty of love. It is often assumed that the „Otello“ Leroux is referencing here is the more famous “Otello” by Verdi, but that one didn’t premiere until 1887, while the story is definitely set before 1886. Furthermore, Rossini’s version of the “willow song” is the only one that starts with a harp solo. The song is included in the playlist, listen to it here:

https://open.spotify.com/track/25ILZhCIWIRjJVK8SqDWzn?si=U5EPiO_ySBOlIy5XvI1BGw&dl_branch=1

The next morning, Christine awakes on the couch in „her“ bedroom (aka the “Louis-Philippe room”) where Erik must have carried her after she had fallen asleep. When she can‘t get out, she suffers a fit of hysterics, although it seems that she has simply been unable to locate the door set within the wall. Erik has been out shopping for her, which is a rather cute scene when he comes back with all the boxes for her while she yells at him. He calmly tells her to get ready for lunch, and she slams the door in his face so she can take a bath in peace. She places a pair of scissors within reach so that she could kill herself if Erik “stopped behaving like an honourable man”. Her concern is understandable, being alone with the man who is madly in love with her, however it is important to note that Erik never physically forces himself on her throughout the story.

Remarkably, Erik’s house had both hot and cold running water, something that was still very rare then, which suggests that he actually lived in better hygienic conditions than most people at that time, and that he was a skilled engineer.

When she finally joins him, he tells her that she does not need to be afraid, and that all he asks for is that she will spend 5 days with him. After that, he hopes that she will come back to see “poor Erik” from time to time, shedding a few tears beneath his black mask as he speaks. He serves Christine lunch in the drawing-room, consisting of crayfish, chicken wings and Tokay wine, but he himself does again not eat or drink. From their conversation, we learn that Erik has taken on his name “by chance”, whatever that means. The meaning of the name is “sole ruler” which is quite fitting for him.

When Christine has finished eating, Erik invites her to see his room, and she doesn’t hesitate as she instinctively trusts him. Apparently Erik has a very gothic taste as far as room decorating goes, and all this also plays heavily into the death symbolism of his character. Erik sleeping in a coffin is reminiscent of vampire stories, especially because it seems to be a choice and not a necessity. There is also an organ with the score of “Don Juan Triumphant” on it, written in Erik’s customary red ink(?). Erik tells her that he started composing it 20 years ago. Christine asks him to play her something from his “Don Juan”, but Erik refuses because “some music is so formidable that it consumes everyone who approaches it”. It is quite significant that the “sing for me” motif is absent from the novel version, in contrast to the ALW version where it is very strong. Erik, in the novel, has no plans for Christine to sing any of his music. He wants her companionship and her love, and he wants to sing together with her and lose himself in their shared passion for music, but he definitely does not see her as an instrument of sorts. He did help advance her career, but not with the intention of having her perform his work.

Erik makes it clear that his own music is very different from Mozart’s „Don Giovanni“ and from “opera music” in general. “Don Juan Triumphant” can be seen as an allusion to Lord Byron’s epic poem “Don Juan” (in which, incidentally, Don Juan is sold as a slave to the sultana of Constantinople).

He sits down at the piano and starts singing the duet from “Otello” with Christine. There is of course more than one duet in “Otello”, but this one is most likely “Non arrestare il colpo/Notte per me funesta” from Act III (here: https://open.spotify.com/track/151M60b3qxzqKLDFwIVuUB?si=WX4TDWCeQVmIChqd6u7CyQ&dl_branch=1 and here: https://open.spotify.com/track/2Ep1OncGZCNR9yFevG6Pb6?si=QzG2JztuQ42MDoiVrLAaew&dl_branch=1 ) In this scene, Othello accuses Desdemona of betraying him, while she tries to convince him that she is innocent. She realizes that she has fallen victim to Iago’s plot, but Othello does not believe her and stabs her. This opera, for once, is in Italian, while most of the other pieces that appear in the “Phantom” are sung in French.  

The unmasking in the novel happens while Christine is swept up in the passion of her duet with Erik. She “stepped closer to him, attracted and fascinated, enticed by the idea of dying at the center of such passion. But before dying [she] wanted to see his face…”

It’s not like she is sneaking up to him out of pure curiosity, but rather reacting to an instinctive wish to pull away the barrier between them. The scene is even more tragic because with a normal face, the passionate mood that Christine was in would have potentially led to her kissing him. But sadly, his face is anything but normal, so Christine recoils in horror instead. Erik’s reaction to the unmasking is violent and horrific as he goes mad with rage at her, even hurting his own face with her fingernails - an expression of his self-loathing. Throughout the scene, Christine seems fixated on the horror of his face more than his behaviour, though. Ashamed of himself, Erik crawls out of the room and shuts himself up in his bedroom.

“Apollo’s Lyre” by Annie Stegg Gerard

Erik’s appearance as described in the novel is indeed bordering the realm of the fantastic and supernatural. He is so stuffed with death symbolism that it is hard to take everything literally. Christine’s description makes it rather hard to see him as “real” because he seems to look like something straight out of a nightmare.

It is important to note that Erik is not just run-of-the-mill ugly, but that he is very clearly associated with death in many ways - from sleeping in a coffin and having funeral-style decor in his room to actually looking like a „living corpse“. Erik and Christine can be seen as a literal expression of the artistic topos „death and the maiden“, which especially towards the end of the 19th century associated death very strongly with the erotic (see https://eclecticlight.co/2020/01/05/paintings-for-our-time-death-and-the-maiden/ for a very good overview of the motif). Death here is usually represented as either a skeleton or corpse, or as an angel - which is very much in line with Leroux’s Erik.

”Girl and Death” by Edvard Munch

Combined with the fact that Erik‘s music creates feelings of passion, rapture and ecstasy in Christine, it is not a big stretch to conclude that Erik is associated not only with death, but also with sexuality. The duality of sex as both a life-creating and life-threatening force was acutely perceived by the people of that period. Love and death are connected, and both are represented in Erik‘s character. ALW‘s musical adaptation recognized this strongly erotic undercurrent in the story and translated it very aptly into songs such as „Music of the night“ or „Point of no return“. The way in which Christine describes her lessons with Erik - that they “awakened an ardent, voracious, and sublime life” in her, and made her live in a “kind of ecstatic dream” can also be interpreted as her romantic awakening, with all the frightening emotional chaos attached to it.

Raoul, on the other hand, is more associated with purity and propriety - which is reflected in how he views Christine, and the standards that she must conform to in his opinion.

Before seeing Erik’s face, Christine admits that she *would* have come back, but that now, she would never return because “you don’t go back into a grave with a corpse that loves you”. Note how she switches from the first person to the impersonal “you” in this sentence - “you” might not do that, but we already know she did in fact go back more than once. And she is still able to see something of the angel in him because he does not take advantage of the situation, but leaves her alone, turning to his music again.

And then, “music has the power to abolish everything in the outside world except its sounds, which go straight to the heart”. Erik starts playing the finale of “Don Juan Triumphant” where “ugliness, lifted on the wings of love, had dared to look beauty in the face”. Through the music, Christine can glimpse into the depths of Erik’s heart and soul, feel his torment and suffering, and is overwhelmed with compassion.

Once again, she is the one to tear down the wall between them. She pushes open the door to Erik’s room and asks him to show his face, sincerely thinking that she can handle it - but it turns out, she really isn’t quite able to when there’s no music between them. But she manages to put on a brave facade and lie to him about being able to look at him without horror. She despises herself for her lies, but then she also does what she must in order to be set free. Erik takes her for walks along the shore of the underground lake, and for carriage rides to the Bois de Boulogne (that’s where they ran into Raoul in Chapter 9). After two weeks, Erik finally trusts her so much that he is willing to set her free (with conditions, of course). It’s really heartbreaking when she mentions how he dared to try to make her look at him even when he wasn’t singing, like a “timid dog”. At this point, he is in her power just as much as she is in his.

When she finally leaves, she is moved more by his tears than by his threats, and his pain is what gets her to come back in the first place: “Those sobs attached me to him more strongly than I thought when I said good-bye to him.” Part of why she is afraid to leave is that she fears it will kill him if she leaves him.

At the end of the chapter, Raoul asks the fateful question that sums up the tragedy of Erik and Christine:

“You’re afraid, but do you love me? If Erik were handsome, would you love me?” “Why tempt fate, Raoul? Why ask about things that I keep hidden at the back of my mind, like sins?”

Christine’s reply along the lines of “Don‘t ask” was cut from the de Mattos translation. It clearly evidences that Christine has conflicted feelings for Erik that go beyond only horror or pity, and that she prefers to suppress them so she doesn't have to deal with them. The statement also shows that if Erik had not been cursed with his face, then things might have looked very different for him and Christine. Attentive readers of de Mattos might nevertheless notice that her next line „If I did not love you, I would not give you my lips“ evades addressing the „what ifs“ Raoul posed, but it still makes her appear less conflicted than she really is. Christine’s heart is a pretty deep ocean of secrets, and at the back of her mind, there seem to be quite a few things that she is unwilling to admit to herself, as Raoul suspected before:

“You obviously love him, and your fear, your terror - all that is still love, of the most exciting kind! The kind you don’t admit to yourself.”

I haven‘t really counted, but this must be like the fifth time that Raoul insists on his suspicion that Christine is in love with Erik, and he just can‘t get a „no“ out of her. That “no” is given very directly though when he asks her if she hates him. She kisses Raoul to prove that she loves him, at the same time telling him that the kiss is just a one-time thing („for the first and last time“). Then “the night is torn apart”, and the last thing they see is a pair of glowing eyes looking down on them from Apollo’s lyre - which are clearly Erik’s, who has overheard the entire conversation…

Image from wikipedia

Next chapter >>

#phantom of the opera #leroux phantom #lerouxreadingguide #gaston leroux #erik x christine #erik the phantom #erik in love #christine daae #the phantom of the opera #opera ghost #apollo‘s lyre #leroux #the phantom #raoul de chagny #poto

[dandaelions]

aespa’s “savage” album thoughts! 🐍😈

from debuting in controversy to rivaling established groups in the span of a year, the meteoric rise of this group has been veeeeeery interesting to witness. though I was initially one of those people with serious doubts about their concept, there’s no denying the powerhouse talent and energy these ladies are bringing to the scene - and the gobs of $$$ SM is throwing at this social experiment. they've definitely got some of the best visual designers working on this and it shows! going into this mini. I'm not quite sure what to expect - everything they've put out has looked GORGEOUS but do they deliver on the music? let's find out...

aenergy - can't quite understand what they're saying (edit: looking at the lyrics...I'm think I'm gonna need a glossary lol) but this is a pretty epic intro...in case you had any doubt what this group is about, now you know! I've never been a huge fan of chant-y verses so not quite digging the "everydaaAAAYYY we get better" but that beat HITS. oh gosh what does this rhythm remind me of?? I swear there's another song with this beat but I can't remember...

savage - intro really reminds me of super m's one (monster & infinity), that's a great build-up going into the chorus which then...goes nowhere...ok...I'm a little confused tbh. I wish the chorus was stronger to match the fierce energy from the verses. man these girls are KILLING it though! YAS THIS INSTRUMENTAL BREAK THOUGH!!! oh wait ok was that a key change? hold on whoa ningning is blasting off and then...it ends?

i feel under- and overwhelmed at the same time with this...like there are elements that are really great but that chorus totally kills the vibe, and don't quite understand the decision to add a key change at the end. everything ends up sounding quite disjointed when put together :/ mv looks AMAZING though so this is where dftf budget went lol jk jk corporation is gonna do what corporations do also props to the members for bringing their all, this is def very unconventional and honestly they sell it. we'll see how this does in the long-term...

I'll make you cry - oh fck. hold up. there's something going on here. the skitzy synth with those staccato verses and drum machine...

ok but that empty beat drop then that EXPLOSION at 1:15!!! THIS HITS!!! YAS I'M JUST!!! love this trap/hip-hop interpretation of a cyberpunk-y video game! I WANNA RACE A CAR TO THIS!!! the girls sound positively dangerous and I can totally imagine them as the protagonists of a futuristic action movie! OH BUT THE BRIDGE!! oh it's so sparkling and WOW they sound so amazing with their lower registers. the mixing actually sounds really incredible in this song, there's a lot going on but it's all balanced really well and all the vocal flourishes and harmonies!! despite the intensity, there's plenty of space for all of the members to shine. OKAY DOKEY I was not expecting that but MAN I was vibing!!

edit: QUEEN KENZIE THANK YOU

yeppi yeppi - the beat is PRESENT. sounds almost like they took a red velvet song and synth-ified it...oh WHOA the section that starts at 1:20 the drum machine!! the beats!! wooooo what a roller coaster ride! actually you know what, this almost seems like something that might've been slated for f(x), this song just gets weirder and weirder the more it goes on...holy SHIZ how much did they cram in here?? I'm just sitting here like 😧 producers really had fun with this one lol. def not for everyone's taste but I think I like it! might have to give this a few more listens...

iconic - ohh all right spy movie-action sequence vibes...heavy rap verses with this one, I'm glad they get to show so many different sides. nice contrast with the pre-chorus there, letting the space expand for a bit before packing the beats right back in. I am half expecting taeyong to drop in for a few lines here lol, sounds very much in nct's alley. lyrically the chorus feels a bit juvenille but I can vibe to it, the chromatic descents add enough movement to keep it going. ahhh the bridge sounds so refreshing! hmm yeah I feel this one!

lucid dreams - just based off the title I'm expecting something a bit more laid-back, and it seems like I'm right! the sustained synths add more mood and atmosphere here...really like the background noise, that's a nice touch! oh it's so nice to hear their voices a little bit more stripped back :) the trap beats are back at it again, except a bit more relaxed here. tempo is still pretty fast though. OOOOHHHH YESSSSS THE CHORUS. YES. sometimes doing less is more, and that's exactly what's working out here. the harmonies really get a chance to shine and they're able to convey so much emotion, paradoxically, by not conveying much at all. nice transition from the layered chorus to the singular vocal line, sonically a very interesting moment. love the shooting star effects and little touches going on in the background! OH THIS BRIDGE! oh wow what a way to close out the album

overall - I AM SO PLEASANTLY SURPRISED!! wow this really delivered some amazing stuff and I am so happy that a lot of this is in the vein of what I like listening to, like trap, synthwave, and electronica. sm back at it again with the weak title tracks, but I am honestly so glad the ladies got some b-sides to show what they're really about. clearly they're got the vocals and the musicality to tackle whatever is thrown at them, and I've really been impressed by them so far. even in the saturated landscape of kpop, this sounds fresh and interesting and PROPS to the producing team!! they brought it!! my playlists grew a bit today, yayyyy :)

#album thoughts #is this the longest review I've ever written lol #no but there was so much more to these songs than what I wrote down #they seem to be taking a lot of what made their predecessors stand out and turning it into their own thing #I absolutely love their sound here and I can only hope for more!

[bopinion]

Album of the month / 2021 / 08 August

I love listening to music - gladly, all the time, everywhere. That's why I would like to share which music (or which album, after all I'm still from the vinyl generation ;-) I enjoy, accompanies me, slides up my playlists again and again...

The Beatles & George Martin

LOVE

Rock-Remix / 2006 / Parlophone, Apple, EMI (Universal Music Group)

When you hear the term "remix," it's usually a DJ putting a danceable techno beat under a pop or rock song. And often enough, this leaves the original performer or composer turning in his grave to the same frantic beat. But there are also exceptions. And one of them this time is my album of the month.

34 years ago in Québec I visited a kind of circus performance that was new to me. There were no animals, but excellent artistry. The whole thing was embedded in an almost psychedelic production of sounds and music and light effects and projections. Although individual acts, the whole was dramaturgically staged like an opera or a musical in one piece. The name of the circus was "Cirque du Soleil". A concept that in the following years and decades went from French Canada around the world and celebrated legendary successes everywhere - including artists in residence in Las Vegas. The visionary founder Guy Laliberté also became known worldwide as an impresario and, incidentally, a billionaire.

There are bands I really regret never having seen live. For example, The Queen with Freddie Mercury, although at least I met the latter once in a club in Munich - well, we were in the same room for a few hours. But there is also the opposite, for example The Beatles. As much as I appreciate these musical titans, a concert seems rather witless to me: film footage shows four musicians on stage, initially even dressed alike, operating their instruments without notable movements or show effects and trying to permanently drown out screaming young ladies. But maybe I only comfort myself with this assessment, because I was and am simply too young to be able to experience John, Paul, George and Ringo in their active time on stage. Anyway.

Guy Laliberté and George Harrison were friends. And at some point - I imagine the two of them over a cup of yogi tea after meditative yoga, one handing the other the joint "You, I have an idea..." - the idea was born to bring together the two cultural phenomena Cirque du Soleil and The Beatles. As a composition for all senses, new and timeless, ecstatic and colorful. After all, it was Harrison who was always eager to experiment. He converted to Hinduism in the 60s, gained experience with psychedelics and transcendental meditation and introduced oriental instruments, first and foremost the sitar, into Western music and is thus considered one of the most important pioneers of world music. A development that goes hand in hand with my personal taste: the longer their hair got, the more I liked their music.

It was only after Harrison's death that Laliberté was able to close the deal with the rights holders of the music (Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison), which can thus probably be considered a kind of Harrison's legacy. For the show was not to simply put together a soundtrack of the old familiar hits, nor were the compositions to be reinterpreted by other musicians. No, the original multi-track recordings were to be used to create new adaptations of the original songs. And who would be better qualified for this than George Martin, who had already produced groundbreaking albums with the Beatles themselves. In the process, he advanced from mere producer to arranger and idea generator, who also revolutionized recording technology by using overdubbing, for example. It's hardly surprising that he is often referred to as the "fifth Beatle".

In general, Sir George Henry Martin, Commander of the Order of the British Empire, is a man of musical superlatives. He is recorded as the producer of 4,836 titles, but one assumes considerably more. And that includes not only The Beatles, but also a wide variety of works for Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Gerry & the Pacemakers, Manfred Mann, Little River Band, Ultravox and many more. His 30th number one hit was "Candle in the Wind" by Elton John. Martin founded the Liverpool Institute for Performing Arts with McCartney, was one of a handful of producers inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and received the BRIT Award for "Best British Producer of the Past 25 Years" in 1977, among countless other honors.

So George Martin went into the studio with his son Giles Martin, who had produced INXS and Kate Bush, among others, following in his father's footsteps. And not just any studio - of course it had to be Abbey Road Studios (again). With the original recordings, the team not only created new variations of the original pieces, as they could have been created alternatively with the Beatles themselves. For example, they enriched the acoustic version of "While my Guitar gently weeps" with an orchestral accompaniment and combined the rhythm of "Tomorrow never knows" with the vocals of "Within You without You". Thus, a soundtrack project for a circus stage show ultimately became a new album by the Beatles. No wonder that Sir Paul himself described "Love" like this: "This album puts The Beatles back together again. It's kind of magical." And Ringo added "George and Giles did such a great job combining these tracks. It's really powerful for me and I even heard things I'd forgotten we'd recorded."

The documentary "All together now - A Documentary Film" by Adrian Wills (director) and Heidi Haines (screenplay), which won a Grammy in the category "Best long form Music Video", also fits the project's ambition. It tells the entire story of LOVE's creation, from the first meetings of the creative team around Martin and Laliberté to interviews with, among others, McCartney, Starr, Yoko Ono, John Lennon's widow, and Neil Aspinall, the Beatles' longtime road manager and event technician, to the first rehearsals of the stage show in Montréal.

LOVE is more than a medley of hits by the mushroom heads, but rather a kind of rock opera that is a first-class listening experience even without the accompanying show. Says George Martin: "The Beatles always looked for other ways of expressing themselves and this is another step forward for them." And father and son succeeded with remarkable creativity. The new version of "Because" is still directly harmless, since it uses the birdsong of "Across the Universe" as well as the final chord of "A Day in the Life" played backwards. "Glass Onion," on the other hand, became a grandiose collage with elements of the songs "Things We Said Today," "Hello, Goodbye" (background vocals), "I Am the Walrus" (background vocals), "Penny Lane" (flute), "A Day in the Life" (orchestra), "Magical Mystery Tour" (effects) and "Only a Northern Song" (effects). State-of-the-art technology in digitization, mixing and mastering also ensure the finest sound quality.

Speaking of sound quality: a show that relies so heavily on music must of course also rely on a perfect acoustic performance. Created by French designer Jean Rabasse, the LOVE theater at The Mirage / Las Vegas houses 2,013 seats set around a central stage. Each seat is fitted with three speakers, which sums up to a spectacular sound system with 6,351 speakers designed by Jonathan Deans. The stage includes 11 lifts, 4 traps, and 13 automated tracks and trolleys. The theater features 32 digital projectors creating very large high definition digital 100' wide panoramic images, even on four translucent screens that can be unfurled to divide the auditorium. That's what I call "being in the middle of the action".

Reportedly, the theater cost more than $100 million - which doesn't even include the development of the show. And unfortunately, it also means LOVE can never go on tour. So I won't be able to avoid traveling to Las Vegas one day for that reason alone. Which I trust will be on the event calendar for a few more years to recoup its costs. And so the circle closes: Decades later, I would once again enjoy Cirque du Soleil in North America - and thus also experience The Beatles live in a somewhat different way.

Here's a trailer for the Las Vegas Show LOVE from the Cirque du Soleil:

https://youtu.be/hIJZAfyRlD4

#music #album #album review #my music #the beatles #love #george harrison #paul mccartney #ringo starr #george martin #giles martin #abbey road studios #cirque du soleil #Guy Laliberté #las vegas #quebec #remix #the mirage #show #stage design #documentary #Youtube

[mostly-marvel-musings]

Guilty Pleasure

A/N: No real plot here, just a platonic imagine with the Asgardian Gods! Feedback’s appreciated as always! :))

Pairing: Platonic Loki x Platonic Thor x Reader

Warning: Strong language.

Word count: 1718

"Alright (Y/N), time to get out of there." Steve’s stern voice came in through your comms.

You looked around briefly before returning your gaze to the computer screen in front of you which was currently transferring all of it’s hidden files to your connected external drive.

"Nearly done Captain. I need two minutes." you replied, pleading that the security camera’s would stay deactivated for just a few more minutes.

"Your cover’s about to be blown up (Y/L/N). Get out. Now." Steve sounded worried, authoritative and gentle all at once.

"Look I’m almost done, it’ll be done in the next two min-"

"It’s an order (Y/N). If you’re not out in thirty seconds, we leave without you."

Steve concluded before cutting the line. There was no bargaining after that.

You grumbled a few curse words as the Captain was no longer on line, before pulling the drive out abruptly halting its file transfer midway, and made your way outside where the quinjet stood waiting.

As you made it inside, Clint took off immediately and Nat approached you, knowing you’d be pissed off.

"You were good (Y/N), don't beat yourself up. We’ll get the info by some other means." She reassured.

"Yeah well that wasn't the mission Nat. Couldn’t have just two fucking minutes could I? I swear I would’ve got it. Just-"

Your rant was interrupted by Steve walking in.

"You did what you could (Y/N). Not worth getting caught in the process. There’s always a next time." Steve said offering you a pat on the back and a smile. The eternal optimist.

"I’m sorry Cap." was all you managed to say as you walked past them, disappointed in yourself, and sat on the chair next to Clint, pulling the seat belt on while keeping your eyes out the window.

The rest of the journey back home was pretty silent. You tried your best not to punch something out of frustration and Nat tried her best to distract you.

It would’ve been so much easier if Cap would’ve allowed Loki to accompany you. His illusions would have made the job so much easier. But Captain being Captain, thought he was better off handling other worldly things with his brother.

Contrary to popular belief, you and Loki had always worked well together. He was starting to gel well with the team. You had a special connection with both the brothers.

The initial intimidation had worn off quickly when you found out how thoughtful and considerate they really were. They were super protective of you, but also knew you could hold your own.

Maybe the reason y’all were such great friends was the sheer dissimilarities of your lives that made for endless conversations.

You were supposed to hang out together tonight for your weekly “Midgard movie nights” as Thor called it, but they had Asgardian business to take care of.

Which meant you were free to do whatever the hell you wanted, however the hell you wanted. You didn't get days like these often, and when you did you’d either spend time with Loki, or Nat - your best mate in the team, or sparring with Steve in the gym, working on your combat skills. You figured you’d make the most of your alone time.

...

The brothers had made it back earlier than they thought, which gave Loki some time to prep for your designated movie night. He had dragged his brother along to help, who agreed immediately when Loki mentioned “movie treats”. They really wanted to do something special considering you were always the one hosting these nights, complete with delicious food and drinks.

“How about pop tarts?” Thor asked pointing to the box of strawberry pop tarts lying in your top shelf, you weren't much of a sweet tooth but you kept those for Thor as he loved them too much.

“We cannot eat those ridiculous sweets as a meal brother. We need something more substantial.” Loki was mildly irritated at this point as his brother wasn't being of any help.

“What if we cook something?”

“And light (Y/N)’s kitchen on fire in the process? Never. I would very much still like to be her friend Thor.”

Loki thought for a minute before he remembered you mentioning something about Italian cuisine being your favorite.

“What are those round breads with cheese and what not that your precious team keeps ordering? (Y/N) seems to love them right?” he asked; he wasn't always around to eat dinners with the team and do the whole bonding thing, but Thor was. And he had comparatively spent more time here.

“Pizzas!! Good thinking brother! We can get Friday to order them.”Thor bellowed patting Loki on his back enthusiastically.

...

The quinjet landed in the compound and you made your way out.

“Don't be too hard on yourself kid. Relax.” Clint said as he walked beside you before sprinting inside.

You were looking forward to unwinding and spending the night treating yourself.

As you stepped into the elevator, Loki heard Friday’s voice announcing your arrival.

“She’s here early. We need more time!”

Thor had opened the box of pop tarts and had already begun munching on it.

The pizza was on its way but it wouldn't be here for another twenty five minutes. Loki figured it was a good idea if he kept all of this as a surprise, so he worked his magic to hide both him and Thor from your view as you arrived on your floor and walked in.

You closed the bedroom door with a loud bang and began stripping as you made your way into the bathroom.

A long bubble bath was what you needed so you began filling the tub with hot water and picked out your favorite bath bomb that you kept away for special occasions.

Self pampering was a valid occasion right!

When the bath was ready, you instructed Friday to put on your ‘Guilty Pleasure’ playlist and to make sure no one would barge into your apartment.

...

Out in the kitchen, Loki and Thor hadn’t the faintest idea what to do next. You clearly looked like you needed to be with yourself tonight.

“Maybe we should just leave.” Thor suggested.

“And who’s to explain the four large pizzas that will get here any minute?” Loki said jeeringly, rolling his eyes.

“So we just stay hidden?”

“For now.”

…

The songs along with the bath water were working its magic and you were in a much better mood.

Your skin started to prune so you hopped out of the bath, wrapped a fluffy towel around you and walked out into your bedroom to find some comfortable clothes to slip into. You opened the packet of your foot exfoliating socks to put them on - you had been saving those for some other time as well.

By the time you made it outside, you were jamming out to Backstreet Boys. Now a few beers, junk food, trashy TV and you’d be set for the night.

Deciding on a big bowl of popcorn you put the bag in the microwave still sashaying to the music, you realized it had been forever since you let your hair down.

By the time the popcorn was done you were attempting to moonwalk towards the microwave while singing This is how we do it a bit off key but who the hell cares?

The Asgardian Gods were finding this too amusing and were enjoying seeing this carefree side of you way too much.

By the time Eminem’s Real Slim Shady came on, Loki was horrified at your choice of songs.

“This is barbaric! What sane person finds this music worthy of listening?” He hissed loudly knowing you couldn’t hear them even though they were just a few feet away.

You took the big bowl of butter popcorn and a couple of beers to the living area and plopped down on your sofa putting your socks covered feet up on the coffee table. With the bowl in your lap, you asked Friday to turn the music off as you surfed Netflix for a while but decided on Friends because that never disappointed and settled in.

You were singing the title track loudly when Friday’s voice came through.

“Your pizzas have arrived Mr Point Break.”

Thor looked visibly pissed off at the name which Tony had made the AI regard him with.

“It’s Thor. I’m gonna punch you Stark.” Thor's voice boomed loudly as he suddenly came into view, making you jump from your seat.

“What the fuck are you doing here Thor?” You shouted straightening up and sending the popcorn flying across the floor.

“In our defense- Loki started as he stepped out too, making your eyes widen further.

You were sure you were red with embarrassment at the point. How long have they been here?

“How..what the he..what are you guys doing here?” You were fumbling with words as you looked at them.

“Okay before you get mad, we wanted to do something nice for our movie night, so we thought we’d surprise you. But clearly we are the ones getting the surprise.” Loki tried to hide his smirk but failed as he spoke.

You covered your face with both your hands and uttered a muffled, “I am mortified.”

You figured there were two ways that this would go down, you could ask them to leave you alone and get mad at the two, or you could face the situation like a grown up. They did want to do a nice thing, and their intentions were innocent after all.

Deciding on the latter, you sat up and said, “Someone wanna get the door.”

“Are you not going to kick us out?” Loki asked, his eyebrows raised.

You stood up and walked into the kitchen nonchalantly, careful not to step over the fallen popcorn.

“You got pizza right? I’m famished, let's eat.”

Thor brought the boxes and you settled on the sofa once again. The events of the night hopefully forgotten at this point. You took a slice of the pepperoni pizza and sat back on the couch to resume the show when Thor spoke up.

“Lady (Y/N) you have exceptional dance moves. Maybe not the best voice though.” Thor said and soon was met with a flying pillow hitting his face.

...

#platonic loki imagine #platonic thor imagine #platonic imagine #platonic loki #platonic thor #marvel imagine #loki x reader #thor x reader #loki odinson fanfiction #thor odinson fanfiction #asgardian gods #mcu #mcu fanfiction #avengers x platonic reader #avengers imagine #no real plot here #thor odinson x reader #loki odinson x reader #my writing #mostly marvel musings #reblogs are cool #feedback is appreciated

[z-exo-l]

Favorite Kpop Songs of 2021

I won’t speak for others, but to me personally, this was a great year for kpop! Unlike 2020, when it was a struggle to fill a top 20 list, 2021 was a struggle to narrow it down to ONLY 20. Besides just having some time to seek out music again, there was an abundance of great albums released. Additionally, several of my faves had comebacks (AND DEBUTS!) this year! So unsurprisingly this is mostly another bombardment of SM artists; and the top 10 is pretty much made up of only three albums (😅) which is why there’s a very small top Album portion as well this year.

Okay, there’s not much to add. Unlike last year, I tried to rank all 20 this time. And even though this is very self-indulgent and mostly just for me, I’ll try my best to be succinct. One more note, I’m sorry for the lack of NCT. Their releases just didn’t interest me very much this year. 😕 So! Along with some surprises and several honorable mentions, let’s begin!

Top 3 Albums:

3. Empathy by D.O - Easy Listening is a misnomer to me most of the time, because I analyze and dissect simplistic songs. But Kyungsoo’s Empathy is the easiest Easy Listening album I’ve ever heard. It’s warm, soothing, and gentle. And even though it was a grower for me, it became a favorite because of how peaceful it is; if it came out when I was in school, this would have been some go-to study music. My only complaint is the same as my initial listen: IT’S TOO DAMN SHORT! 😭

2. BAEKHYUN by Baekhyun - Baek’s Japanese debut had me hooked all the way back in January, and it’s never come off the 2021 playlist. It’s such a fun, sexy album and it has that inherently flirtatious vibe that all his Korean albums have. Truthfully it’s still my favorite solo album from him so far.

1. Don’t Fight the Feeling by EXO - Even though the title track never fully won me over, the rest of the album is gold. It’s so cheery, and even the mellower songs are upbeat in their messages. It was an excellent listen for summer, and even afterwards the songs always made me happy. It was also so special hearing them sing together as a group again, AND WITH YIXING! The album was pretty much designed to brighten your day, and for me, it brightened my whole year.

Honorable Mention Tracks:

All I Got by Baekhyun - The best demonstration of Baek’s r&b vocal abilities he’s ever given us, bar none. 🙌🏻

Don’t Fight the Feeling by EXO - While it didn’t grow on me as much as I hoped, it is fun.

Flying Apsaras by Lay - Marvel at this man’s talent, creativity, musicality, AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WATCH THE DANCE PRACTICE!!!

To Be Honest + Vanilla by Kai - I’m sure if I had more time with these songs they’d be in the top 20; my favorite tracks from Peaches.

We Do by SuperM - Funky and a bit of an almost Motown sound, We Do made for a fun and groovy listen.

Zombie by Purple Kiss - From my favorite rookies of the year, an upbeat song with an inescapably catchy chorus.

And now, my official Top 20 Songs of 2021:

20. What’s Going on by Omega X: From another solid rookie group, What’s Going On has a lot of elements of the rock/rap songs that I was listening to as a teenager. Very cool. 🤘🏻

19. Rose by D.O: A preciously simplistic debut from Kyungsoo. I’m not very fond of the English version (despite his exceptional pronunciation) but this is short and sweet.

18. Bambi by Baekhyun: I could have done without the MJ look in the mv, but the song itself is luxuriously sensual, and I love the dip to his lower register on the chorus.

17. Gambler/Rush Hour by Monsta X: Both songs have specific parts that take me out of the experience and waver the immersion, but in general they’re really fun and catchy.

16. Atlantis by Shinee: This was far superior to Don’t Call Me, imho! Not only was the song much more my vibe, (the surf style bass and guitar!) but the aesthetic in the mv was FABULOUS!

15. My Love by D.O: It’s very fitting that Kyungsoo was driving to this song in the highlight medley. It’s got the perfectly relaxed rhythm for gently bobbing your head on the road; trust me, I was doing it a lot.

14. Runaway by EXO: This is the sort of song I need to be careful with, because if I hear it in the wrong frame of mind, it becomes too upsetting to listen to. Luckily, it was a perfect chore/cooking accompaniment, and omg Chanyeol KILLS the vocals in this song!

13. Just as Usual by EXO: This song has got the perfect balance of upbeat and slow; the pairing of members on the verses makes for SUCH an interesting listen, and their voices are wonderful!

12. Whippin’ by Baekhyun: I adore the whimsical instrumentation and lyrics in this song! Not only is it utterly precious, the name itself feels like an inside joke for exo-ls. 😆

11. Action Figure by WayV: This might be a controversial opinion, but WayV has some of the best harmonies among all the NCT units, damn! The confident energy in this song is so bewitching, and smooth; very befitting the title! 😎

10. I’m Fine by D.O: This one probably grew on me the most proportionately to how I originally felt about it. Not only is it the closest song thematically to Empathy, it felt the most characteristic of Kyungsoo lyrically. 😌 The sheer compassion and care present in the song makes it so heartwarming and lovely, and the melody is so soft and sweet that it’s almost always the one I randomly start singing around my house.

9. No Matter by EXO: With the sound effects and electric organ, this track reminds me so much of the songs from the 70’s that my parents would play on the radio! And tbh, I don’t think EXO and 70’s pop is a combination I’ve considered before, but omg they nailed it! With such a fun and bubbly sound, it’s no doubt the most cheerful song I’ve heard this year!

8. It’s Love/Si Fueras Mia by D.O: From Empathy, these tracks are the best display of Kyungsoo’s recognized talents as a vocalist: agility, foreign pronunciation, runs, and pure R&B tone. In fact they’re probably closest to what a lot of us had in mind when we heard about Kyungsoo getting a solo debut. And believe me, after hearing these songs I’m dreaming of a solo r&b album. They’re so heavenly and resonant that sometimes I’ll play them back to back and just swaaay.

7. Drown by Baekhyun: I loved this one from the jump; it was so deep and slow and sexy, the instrumentation is bold yet understated, and how he soars on the chorus is fantastic! It’s the perfect song you can “pretend you can carry a tune” sing to. The vocal layering is so satisfying, and the raunchy lyrics just made it that much better. I will always love how unabashedly Adult Baekhyun’s solo work is.

6. Get You Alone by Baekhyun: Fell in love with this one right away as well! I genuinely don’t understand where the hate comes from for Japanese releases. The funky retro sound, Baek’s voice, the catchy chorus; this is a BOP, okay! And none of that even addresses the awesome mv! It perfectly encapsulates Baekhyun’s duality in a clever Nerd Consults a Love Doctor concept, with suave choreo and endearing comedy.

5. Addicted by Baekhyun: Last Baekhyun entry, I promise! But what can I say, the man was determined to slay before he enlisted, and that’s just what happened. Anyway, this song started as my favorite on an album I was already loving, and it never changed. The jazzy intro is so unique, and there’s something on the instrumental that sounds like a steel drum that’s really cool, and the chorus is just that; addicting. This track is the best for dancing around in your pajamas too.

4. Ponzoña by Purple Kiss: I love when girl groups do darker concepts, and this mv is a muted violet gothic delight! The song itself is outstanding, with snippets of descending violins, excellent siren-esque vocals, and carefully punctuated drums. The outfits are amazing too; all the girls are striking and styled impeccably. It’s hard to believe this is a debut song because it’s so expertly packaged, and the members are clearly working their butts off. If you haven’t checked out Purple Kiss yet, I highly recommend them.

3. Skip Skip by Purple Kiss: If it weren’t obvious by now, I love me some whimsy. Add that to Purple Kiss’ darker edge, and you have Skip Skip. There are haunting vocalizations in the back, but in the forefront there’s a jaunty melody and something percussive that sounds like a clock ticking, with something like a recorder??? All tied together with stellar vocals. It doesn’t have an MV, but I recommend checking out the dance practice! It’s precise, but it has the the playful melancholy denoted in the lyrics. And I personally found Dosie particularly eye-catching. 😍

2. I’m Gonna Love You by D.O feat. Wonstein: Of all the kpop songs released this year, this was the one I was most anxious to learn the phonetics for so I could sing along! It’s certainly the most upbeat b-side on the album, and despite the acoustics, the chorus is groovy and surprisingly danceable! I almost always listen to it twice in a row, partly because it’s so short, but also because of its addicting melody, and how long Kyungsoo stretches those syllables! When Empathy first came out, I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d fall in love with it, but I’m so glad the tracks grew on me, especially this one. ❤️

1. Paradise by EXO: Bop of the year, hands down, full stop! What would probably be a simple catchy tune from any other group, is a three-and-a-half minute journey of musical joy thanks to exo’s vocal synergy. The boys sound better than ever, and HOLY SHIT SEHUN’S VERSE WAS GORGEOUS! Oh Sehun is a vocalist, PERIOD! And I love how the first verse and pre-chorus have something of an ‘underwater’ quality, and then the chorus has clarity like it burst out into the sun! (does that make sense?) Summary: In a year full of positive and happy songs, this one was the most infectious! You have to clap along and dance, every time. Plus an English chorus with a curse word in it??? Hell yes!!! I’m so happy that Exo made a song like this for their special album; it was just the balm I wanted for 2021. ❤️

#tag later #music appreciation #I probably didn’t make all the points I wanted to but this damn thing is already late 😖

[letterboxd]

Third Language.

With her debut film Farewell Amor out now following a successful journey on the festival circuit, Tanzanian-American writer and director Ekwa Msangi tells Selome Hailu about the third language of music, growing up on knockoffs of the Rambo franchise, and her favorite African filmmakers.

There’s a subtle musicality central to the way Ekwa Msangi carries herself. She finds melodies in her words: “You hum the ‘m’,” she says when asked how to pronounce her last name. “Mmm-sangi.” And perhaps to a more subconscious degree, she speaks with rhythm, too: “I do think, and I know, and I can see…” she trails off, ruminating on how much hope she feels for the future of Black filmmaking. Naturally, this musical quality meanders into her work.

Farewell Amor is a quiet film, except for when it isn’t. Three Angolan immigrants revolve around each other in an awkward orbit, each trying to make sense of their dynamic now that they’ve left their home behind. Kept apart for seventeen years by the bureaucratic intricacies of war and paperwork, Walter (Ntare Guma Mbaho Mwine) is finally joined by his wife Esther (Zainab Jah) and daughter Sylvia (Jayme Lawson—soon to be seen as Bella Reál in The Batman) in New York City. But they don’t know each other anymore and spend much of their time in silence, until music and dance burst forward as a chance at common ground.

Msangi’s screenplay never dwells on the technicalities of the family’s struggle against the American immigration system. Instead, it plunges into softer, more personal after-effects of dreams deferred. Walter’s walls bear a faded calendar with Barack Obama’s face on it, even though his empty apartment complicates the “hope” the president promised people like him. When his family arrives at long last, Esther wears a silver cross pendant, having made sense of these years as a married-yet-single mother by drawing closer—almost too close—to religion. Sylvia barely speaks at all, caught between a faith that isn’t hers and a home that isn’t either.

Ntare Guma Mbaho Mwine and Nana Mensah in ‘Farewell Amor’. / Photo courtesy IFC Films

The film’s triptych structure emerged after Msangi spent months grappling with how to create a feature-length screenplay out of her original short film. “Having just come off of the short, I was focusing on Walter’s story. But [I] didn’t think that was the most original story I could tell,” she says. “And then, out of indecision between whether I should make it Walter’s or Sylvia’s story, I decided to just do both. Initially it was two perspectives that I was looking at. But I realized that Esther’s story was really the linchpin for both of their stories, and it wouldn’t make sense not to have hers.”

Giving Walter, Esther and Sylvia their own chapters makes Farewell Amor a stronger film than if it had followed a singular, traditional protagonist. Extreme conservatism in one chapter is revealed as a desire to avoid pain in another; one character’s cramped living room is another’s space to dance freely. Writing on Letterboxd, Tabby points out how the three-part narrative structure grants meaningful subjectivity to characters who deserve it: “It’s so easy for Westernized perspectives to steamroll over films that deal in cultural disparities and thematics, but Farewell Amor takes important steps in showing all sides of the story,” she writes. “It was refreshing to see [the characters] each given the space to exist.”

This layering of voices happens in the camerawork, too. Each section of the narrative is marked with a visual language of its own, complete with specific color palettes and cinematographic techniques. Msangi thinks fondly about the work she put in with cinematographer Bruce Francis Cole to make the chapters distinct. “For Walter’s, it’s sort of a slow cinema, where there’s a lot of still framing. It’s almost like he’s stuck, you know? Stuck in the frame between two surfaces, two hard surfaces, a window frame, a door frame. And in Sylvia’s, we wanted to have it reflect her livelihood, her restlessness. All handheld cameras, all movement. And then for Esther, she’s very observant. She’s been taking everything in, almost in an investigative style, but also a little bit romantic. She’s romanticized this setup, so a lot of close shots, a lot of soft lighting.”

Jayme Lawson as Sylvia in ‘Farewell Amor’. / Photo courtesy IFC Films

Music gives Farewell Amor a cohesion across the different storylines. “Music is, for these characters in particular, and for me, kind of a third language,” Msangi says. “It gives you a glimpse under the covers, what’s under the sheets.” The soundtrack underscores strong performances from Mwine, Jah and Lawson, lending depth to their quietude and vibrance to their movement. Msangi also notes how sound became a cornerstone of her collaboration with the actors: “As I was writing from different perspectives, in order to help me get into each character’s skin, I would listen to the music that they would be interested in.” She later shared these playlists with the actors, using the songs to communicate what words couldn’t.

Msangi has a good laugh as she tries to think about the major films that inspired her to become a filmmaker. “You know, I don’t have that. Well, I do have that, but not for the reasons that most of my film peers have,” she says. Growing up in East Africa in the ’80s and ’90s, little to none of the programming on television was local. What did kids watch instead? “We watched Rambo for probably ten years straight, and then Rambo knockoffs for another ten years after that. I decided to become a filmmaker because of horrible Rambo knockoff films.”

“I grew up surrounded by such colorful and delightful and interesting and funny people,” Msangi says. “And none of that was reflected anywhere in the media.” As she grew older, she sought out African films she couldn’t access in her youth. Now, they’re some of her highest recommendations. Ousmane Sembène is the first African director whose filmography she ever got the chance to dive into. Sembène’s 50-year career has garnered him the affectionate title of ‘Father of African film’ among many critics and scholars, who laud him for his dramas, including Black Girl and Camp de Thiaroye. Msangi, however, finds herself taken with his unique sense of humor. She has also been inspired by Safi Faye, another Senegalese director, who became the first sub-Saharan African woman to attain commercial distribution in 1975—and whose film Mossane portrays sexual intimacy with an openness Msangi hadn’t seen elsewhere.

Writer-director Ekwa Msangi. / Photo courtesy IFC Films

In Farewell Amor, Sylvia’s chapter reads like a compacted coming-of-age film. Msangi points to South African director Darrell James Roodt’s Sarafina! as an influence in that regard. “It was showing for two weeks in Nairobi, and I lined up for four hours to watch,” she says about the film, a drama about youth involvement in the 1976 Soweto uprising. “Even though it’s from a different part of the continent, I’d never seen young African teenagers on a screen before.” More recently, she has loved 2011 TIFF breakout and Oscar contender Death for Sale by Moroccan director Faouzi Bensaïdi, and Radha Blank’s The Forty-Year-Old Version is her favorite film of 2020. She’s hopeful about the future of Black American cinema: Ava DuVernay and Ryan Coogler are two of her favorite working directors.

Msangi’s selections are wide in range, but there’s still one thing holding them together: themes of vulnerability, community and celebration of identity, across different decades and genres. In fact, her approach to watching movies isn’t far off from the way she made her own—Farewell Amor maps concurrent experiences of disparate people, and Msangi’s tastes seem driven by the same balance of vastness and specificity.

“I’m a filmmaker who really abhors working on the same kind of story over and over again, the same genre, the same kinds of characters,” she says. “So I’m not going to make my career just telling stories about immigrants or about, you know, their wretched troubles,” she laughs. “I don’t want to do that.”

Msangi’s next project will be an African-American period piece; beyond that, she hopes to make films in several locations: the Caribbean, Europe and all over the African continent. “I really would like to just have a lot of fun with my career. You know? Because it’s a fun and magical industry that we work in! The work that we do in creating these stories and hopes and dreams—we create magic, so it should be fun.”

Related content

Adam Davie’s Black Life on Film list

Shachar’s 20 Films by Black Directors 2021 Challenge

Screenpaige’s list of Black Women in Film

Follow Selome on Letterboxd

‘Farewell Amor’ is out now in select theaters and on demand through IFC.

#ekwa msangi #jayme lawson #farewell amor #african cinema #black filmmaker #black director #directed by women #52 films by women #female director #black woman director #american film #drama #romance #dance film #angolan cinema #angola #letterboxd

[katehuntington]

Title: Ride With Me (part seventeen) Fandom: Supernatural Timeline: 2008 Pairing: Dean x Reader Word count: ±4700 words Summary series: Y/N is a talented horse rider who is on her way to become a professional. In order to convince her father that she deserves the loan needed to start her own farm, she goes to Arizona for six months, to intern at a ranch owned by Bobby and Ellen Singer. Her future is set out, but then she meets a handsome horseman, who goes by the name of Dean Winchester. A heartwarming series about a cowboy who falls for the girl, letting go of the past and the importance of family.  Summary part seventeen: Unable to sleep, Y/N goes over last night’s events, until she gets an unexpected visitor. Warnings series: NSFW, 18+ only! Fluff, angst, eventually smut. Swearing, smoking, alcohol intoxication, alcohol abuse. Mutual pining, heartbreak. Crying, nightmares, childhood trauma. Description of animal abuse, domestic violence, mentions of addiction. Financial problems, stress, mental breakdown. Description of blood and injury, hospital scenes, character death, grief. Music: ‘After My Heart + Can’t Help Falling In Love’ - John Michael Howell. Follow ‘Kate Huntington’s Ride With Me playlist’ on Spotify! Please listen to this song during the scene, it’s so worth it! Author’s note: I’m excited for this one, y’all! Thank you @kittenofdoomage, @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish and @winchest09 for helping me. You girls are awesome betas and friends.

Ride With Me Masterlist

     The bunkhouse is silent after a festive night. All the lights out, except for the one on Y/N’s bedside table. Sleep might have come limited the past week, but she isn’t ready to close her eyes just yet. The adventurous trail, combined with the unexpected news about her qualification has her riled up with excitement. 

     Not sure what to do with this new found energy, she has taken out one of her notebooks, which is filled with scrabbles. She won State Championships with a relatively simple floorplan, not wanting to overshoot, but if she wants to leave an impression with the judges at Congress, she needs to step up her game. Combinations between exercises will push up her degree of difficulty, so she decided to change a few lines. Working on her freestyle tonight wasn’t entirely according to plan, but who knows, maybe the tequila and beer will add some creativity.

     She has changed into a comfortable tank top and a pair of shorts, the soft fabric a contrast to the sandy denim she’s been clad in the past days. The temperature is comfortably warm, early October in Arizona much more like summer compared to the autumn days she’s used to in Maine.

     Strangely, she hasn’t been homesick for Freeport at all. She misses her mom and dad, her brothers, but after her time living on campus, she’s used to being away from family. Her father travels a lot for work, and Jaime, her older brother by three years, moved to the other side of the country straight out of the Police Academy, fighting crime in Los Angeles these days. Middle kid Jackson bought a house in Boston and is busy with his real estate firm, while her oldest brother, Jeff and his wife are expecting their first child. Y/N wouldn’t say they have grown apart, but now that she and her siblings don’t share a house anymore, things have changed. They’ve spread their wings, built a life for themselves.

     She checks her phone when a message from Jaime pops up, sending her a selfie in which he shows off his muscles, holding up a fist. ‘Show them what you’re made of! You’re gonna ace that ride!’ he added in the caption. She closes the text, scrolling down the list of messages from family and friends, until she finds one from Jeffrey, which is a little more lengthy. ‘Mom said I had to wait until Dad reached you, so I hope you got the news by now, otherwise I’m in trouble. Congratulations, Sis. You worked so hard for this. I’m really proud of you, and I know Grandpa will be cheering you on from above. You’re already a champion.’ She smiles at the sweet words; she should really give him a call next week.

     Redirecting her attention to the notebook in her lap, she picks up her pen, sketches a new line, crosses it and bites on the pen cap, pondering. Marcel, her trainer at the Freeport Equestrian Center, helped her with the first version. She could get in touch with him tomorrow, she’s sure he will be willing to shed a light on what she has so far. Distance will be an issue, though, and with time being of the essence since it’s only fifteen days before they head towards Columbus, Ohio, where Congress is held, she has to take a different approach.

     What if she asks Dean to help her with the freestyle, or even to come with her to the show? He has helped her a couple of times during training and she appreciates his approach. His suggestions and tips paid off; his methods really seemed to work for both her and Meadow. The head wrangler knows Y/N and her horse well enough to offer advice in bringing out their best qualities, she just hopes he’s up for it. After some drinks, Dean didn’t stick around long. When she asked Jo where he went, she said Dean offered to do the final feeding round. Y/N thought about following him, but didn’t want to draw attention from the rest of the crew; them both gone would’ve raised suspicion and she doesn’t want to put him in the spot of having to explain himself.

     When Y/N noticed his absence, her stomach made an unpleasant flip. The uneasy sensation remained the rest of the evening, not evident, but brewing nonetheless, and it had nothing to do with the alcohol. She wonders if something has changed, maybe. That coming home to the ranch caused Dean to reconsider. Why else would he distance himself?

     Doubtful, she takes a breath, her mind going places she’d rather not be. Still missing a steady foundation for them to start building a relationship on, doubt surfaces again. Deep down she’s scared that the cowboy might back out, which would cause heartbreak she’s not sure she can handle. She cares too much already, she’s too far gone. Y/N is passing the station of just being in love with Dean; it’s growing into something even more.

     Before her thoughts can spiral further, there’s a soft knock on the door. The kind that is soft enough to not wake her had she been sleeping, but loud enough for her to hear if she wasn’t. She slides out of bed, rises to her bare feet, careful not to bump her head against the top bunk like she has so many times already, and crosses her room. When she opens the door, she finds the man who has been on her mind on the other side, locking his green eyes on her. She’s pleasantly surprised to see him with it being past 11 PM already; she expected him to be in bed long ago after the exhausting past few days.      “Hey, what are you doing u--”

     He doesn’t let her finish and bridges the few feet between them, cupping her face with both hands and pulling her into a kiss. After the initial shock, which only lasts a fraction of a second, he can feel her lashes brush against his skin as she closes her eyes and melts into him, allowing him to deepen the connection. Her response takes away the restlessness that weighed on his chest like a chunk of concrete, ever since the thought of her leaving arose.

     They step into her room far enough for Dean to kick the door shut, preventing possible eavesdroppers from tuning in, his mouth never leaving hers. Instinctively, her arms snake around his torso, tracing the lines of his strong back through the fabric of his shirt. There’s a desperation in his touch that’s new to her, the way he longs for this connection is different. Eventually, he breaks the kiss and she studies him when he rests his forehead against hers. His eyes stay closed for a little longer, holding on to the moment while his hands slip from her face. 

     He didn’t want to steal a few seconds while surrounded by the crew, he didn’t want to get in line to give her a quick hug or a peck on the cheek. No, he needed to be with her, just the two of them without restrictions.

     “What was that for?” she wonders.      “Just wanted to congratulate you.” He smiles, trying to mask his concern, and sweetly presses his lips on hers again. “Personally.” And again. “Privately.” And again.      She giggles, triggering him to chuckle as well. He moves his head back to take her in.      “Congratulations, Yankee,” he says, genuine. “You earned it.”      “Thank you,” she smiles, still slightly confused. “Where’d you go earlier?”      “Someone had to feed those poor starving animals,” he jokes. “And since Bobby already had a few whiskies, and Garth is an absolute light weight, I took one for the team.”

     He was quick to take the final feeding round, not just because he was the last man standing. Doing one last check, giving the horses their hay for the night, making sure the stables are shut properly, locking up the tackroom and the cafeteria and eventually the large barn doors after switching off the lights; it offers him peace of mind. It’s a daily routine, a recurring series of actions, done so 365 days a year. Ensuring everything is exactly the way it’s supposed to be in the place where he lives and works, grounds him when he’s feeling restless. It gives him a moment alone, the horses his only company, allowing him to think things over and collect himself again. Tonight was no different, because even though he was relieved Y/N’s father wasn’t the bearer of bad news, Dean felt disturbed with his initial response. For a good few minutes, he thought he was going to lose her, and the anxiety it surfaced was much more intense than he anticipated.

     Y/N keeps watching him as the cowboy is lost in thought. He’s trying to be funny and cute, but that’s not all there is to it; his eyes tell a different story. He kissed her a little too fierce, pulled her in a little too tight. Something is bothering him, and although she doesn’t want to force him to talk, she needs to know what it is before she loses her mind herself.      “What’s wrong, Dean?” she asks, softly, moving her hands up his chest.      “It’s nothin’,” he assures, shaking his head.

     But when the concern remains evident in her expression, he sighs. He doesn’t want her to worry, or think it’s something she’s done. If anything, she’s been absolutely perfect. God, she’s so patient. Even though she needs him, she offers him space. Expressing how he feels might be terrifying, it’s about time he’s fair with the woman who’s willing to wait.      “It’s just that, uh - when your dad called, he… he sounded pretty serious,” Dean admits, looking down. “I thought something might have happened with your folks or somethin’, and that you...”      He pauses, struggling, but Y/N knows enough.      “You thought Dad was going to tell me to come back,” she realizes.

     Suddenly his behavior makes so much more sense. His complete change of demeanor when he approached her table in the saloon after receiving the call, him seeming as nervous as she was when she picked up the phone. The sigh of relief when she told him and Jo the great news, his disappearance from the celebration at the saloon. Dean thought he was going to lose her, and apparently it scared him. Y/N is as stunned by the realization, as she is by the confirming nod he gives her.

     “Well - I mean - it could’ve been, right?” he says, shrugging his shoulders almost apologetically, like he’s not allowed to be worried about a presumption as such.      “I’m twenty-four, Dean. I’m not going anywhere unless I want to,” she reminds him, hoping to offer him some consolation.      “Glad to hear it,” he responds, his hands moving to her waist as he restores eye contact. “‘cause I’d hate to see you go.”

     Heartfelt, the beautiful girl in his arms smiles. She seems to understand the weight of his words, because she crosses her wrists behind his head and urges him to come closer. Dean’s heart swells in his chest when she brushes her lips against his, tentatively at first. His mind calms, the nerves subsiding. Not only is she staying, she also understands what’s going on in his head, and in a strange and unexpected way, it’s kind of liberating. Not having to pretend and put on a mask, not having to convince anyone that everything is fine. He’s gotten so used to telling people he’s okay, the words to express himself prove to be hard to grasp. Who knows, maybe one day he’ll get the hang of it.

     Dean’s mind goes blank when she deepens the kiss, swiping her tongue against his bottom lip. Her arms close around his neck a little tighter, holding him so close he can feel the warmth coming from her skin. She smells amazing, the scent of her shampoo still lingering in her hair, a sweet smell of a flower he can’t name. He presses his fingertips into her flesh, carefully shifting them under the hem of her tank top, even though he knows very well that he shouldn’t. It isn’t going to take long before he will not be able to stop himself.

     She feels him trace her sides, rolling up the fabric of her top as he does so. Normally she would be self-conscious about it, but when she parts from him when running out of air, all she sees in his eyes is adoration and want. Both seem to be waiting for each other, unsure if they should take this further. Afterall, considering what they agreed on, this would be a poor execution of taking things slow.

     Without breaking away from her gaze, his left hand travels down, following the curves of her hips. He adds pressure, gently pulling her against him. What she feels through the denim of his jeans has her eyes grow wide. A delightful tension starts to tangle up in her stomach, sinking deeper. Somewhat surprised that she apparently has this effect on him, she takes in a shuddering breath, gazing deep into his eyes. God, she wants to go there, but is he willing to as well?      “Are you sure?” she checks with him.      Dean doesn’t have to think twice and nods. To hell with it, he’s not going to waste another second.      “I want you,” he breathes, his voice husky.

     It’s all she’s ever wanted to hear him say. It might not be the confirmation of their relationship she’s been hoping to get eventually; it’s better. He wants her. He wants her.

     Free from restraints, she crashes her lips to his and Dean doesn’t hesitate to return the kiss with the same need. All the question marks, the doubt, the thoughts along the line of ‘what if it goes wrong?’ and ‘maybe we shouldn’t do this’ go right out the window.      It wouldn’t matter if they waited longer, because if that wake up call taught the cowboy anything, it’s that together or not, it would tear him to pieces if she were ever to leave the ranch. If he’s going to spend this time with her, he better make it worth her while, and maybe, just maybe, she’ll stay with him in the end.

     Eventually, his mouth leaves hers and begins to descend, his breath tickling her skin as he ghosts down her neck. Willingly, she rolls her head to her shoulder, offering him space to leave marks on her pulse point, then down her collarbone. The hint of delicious pain has her fighting back a moan, which proves to be challenging, especially when his hands roam down to cover her peach-shaped behind. Trying to distract herself and be useful at the same time, she begins to unbutton his plaid shirt, his touch momentarily interrupted until the piece of clothing falls to the floor in a puddle of blue, soon followed by his white undershirt.

     Before Dean urges her closer again, he drags the only chair in the room away from the small table by the window, sitting down and pulling her with him. The wood underneath them creaks when she settles in his lap, her bare knees on either side of the cowboy, holding herself up and leaning into his bare chest. The denim of his jeans stretches over his erection, rubbing against her core. The sheer thought of a few layers of fabric being the only barrier between him and her, sends a surge of heat to dampen her panties. Thank God she chose the lace ones earlier after her shower, the ones she can only wear whenever she’s not spending her day in the saddle. She wonders if he can tell how aroused she is already.

     Dean can. He can feel the warmth radiating towards him and he can feel himself growing even harder, too. His breath hitches and he stifles a groan when she rolls her hips, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Ho-ly shit. This might not be how he originally imagined their first time, in this tiny room with thin walls, this one chair and a bunk bed, but it feels so good. He has enveloped her in his arms, his hands roam her body, not leaving a square inch unattended. Without tearing the seams, he pulls the strap of her loosely fitted tank top over one shoulder, the material shifting down. His fingers then reposition to cup her breast, all while he presses kisses on top. When he moves his thumb over her stiff nipple, she pulls in an audible gasp.      “Sssh…” he hushes. “Wouldn’t want to wake the neighbors.”

     Y/N can’t help it, though. The friction she feels beneath her, combined with the touch of his mouth and his fingertips, is already beginning to build her up. She begins to pant, her lungs pushing out air in quivers. Dean doesn’t stop, however, and continues to knead her breast without hurting her, smothering the sounds she makes with another breathtaking kiss. His other hand has snaked around her waist again, splayed on the small of her back now, spurring her on to move against him. Good God, if he keeps this up, she might come undone without him even actually touching her down there.

     The chair creaks louder when she moves against him, triggering Dean to cringe. The old furniture is either going to break or wake everyone in the bunkhouse, and so he pulls Y/N flush against him and stands up. Without missing a beat or breaking the kiss, she folds her legs around his waist as he walks her to the bed. Laying her down and fitting himself on top turns out to be a little more difficult than he thought it would be, the bunk bed limiting his space, but after some shimmying, he manages.

      He hovers over the woman he’s about to be intimate with, mesmerized by the sight of her laying underneath him, her chest heaving, her eyes lustful. She’s the definition of gorgeous without even trying. Dude, how the hell did you manage to hold back this long?

     The trail of kisses he presses on her stomach has Y/N arching her back, her eyes closed in delight as he travels down. Gently, he opens her legs a little wider, feather light touches electrifying her skin, sending currents towards her center. His hands leave her then, teasingly letting her wait in suspense. She listens, trying to pick up on any sound of him breathing or moving, her senses operating on full capacity. He’s testing her patience like he has done for the past few days. A chill runs down her spine as seconds tick by, but then Dean palms her heat through the fabric of her shorts. She bites her bottom lip at the unexpected connection, her fists clenching the comforter and a moan escaping her throat. This is happening. This is really happening.

     Y/N feels him tracing the waistband of her shorts, before hooking his thumbs underneath the hem. He’s about to drag them down and move in, when they hear a door handle being pushed down. Her eyes shoot open in time to see Dean jerk back and sit up startled, hitting his head hard against the top bunk. The collision of his skull with the solid wood creates a loud bang, followed by a strangled groan. He curses through gritted teeth, trying to make as little noise as possible, while outside the room a door shuts. Horrified, they both stare at the other end of the room, not moving a muscle as shuffling footsteps cross the hall, opening another door and closing it again. A toilet seat is lifted up, the person whistling to himself softly. There can be only one person who needs encouragement to relieve himself: Garth.

     “For fuck’s sake,” Dean hisses.      Y/N is unable to stop a snort, sniggering silently, even though she tries not to.      “You okay?” she checks, trying to sound concerned. Not very convincing, apparently, because Dean shoots her a glare, while rubbing the sore spot on his head.      The toilet flushes loudly and obscenely, triggering the woman underneath him to giggle unstoppably. When he shushes her, frantically holding his finger to his lips, it achieves the opposite, causing him to break character as well. Doing their best to keep it down, she clasps her hand over her mouth while Dean presses his lips together, trying to compose himself.      “You need to be quiet,” he whispers.      “I c-can’t”, she hiccups, tears streaming down her cheeks.

     Garth heads back to his room, either sleep walking or he’s deaf, because he doesn’t pick up on any of the action happening on the other side of the hall. His door closes, the springs of his bed creak as he gets back in, and silence returns.      “Would you stop?” Dean chuckles, poking Y/N’s side when she fails to control her laughing fit.       “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” she returns, struggling to keep it down. “How’s your head?”      “It’s alright,” he claims, ignoring the slight bump when he runs his hand through his hair. “Moment’s gone, ain’t it?”

      She wipes the tears from her face, breathing in now that she’s capable again. Comforting, she reaches for his hand. As much as she would like to continue, the circumstances aren’t exactly ideal. Their first time together shouldn’t have to be clumsy and uncomfortable, in a bed that’s too small in a room with paper thin walls.       “Rain check?” she proposes.      Dean leans in to leave a kiss on her lips. “Rain check. ‘Sides, wouldn’t wanna have to hold back because you can’t keep it down.”      She pokes him in his stomach now. “Don’t get cocky.”

     Dean scoffs, sliding from the bed without hitting his head this time. Grinning mischievously, he turns around, pulling her to her feet as well. The cowboy takes a second to really look at her again, glad to notice the lack of insecurity in her composure. Her hair is messy, strands escaping the loose bun at the base of her neck, ready for bed in her pajama shorts and a comfortable top. She could have felt self-conscious in this situation, especially since their moment together came to an abrupt and slightly awkward end. But she isn’t, she feels at ease when she’s with him. A small smile forms on the cowboy’s lips.

     “You should get some sleep. We’ll skip the afternoon siestas, now that the temperatures are droppin’, so we’ll start an hour and a half later tomorrow. I figured you might wanna train Meadow first thing in the morning?” he suggests, picking up his shirts from the floor.      Y/N agrees, glad that she’s being given the space to focus on Congress. “Dean, about that…”      He glances back, patiently waiting for the follow up.      “I was wondering if you could maybe help me out with my freestyle?” she asks, a little shy.      “Yeah, of course,” the head wrangler responds without hesitation.       “Great,” she breathes, relieved. “And there’s this other thing.”      Dean steps closer, laying his shirt and flannel over his shoulder so that he has his hands free and can lace his fingers with hers. “What is it?”      “I was hoping you could coach me,” she says, looking up at him. “Not just at home, but when I have to compete in Columbus, too.”

     Humbled, he gazes back, the corners of his mouth curving up. Coaching such a skilled rider as Y/N would be an absolute privilege, and with the trainers he knows she’s had, he’s surprised she’s asking him. Sure, the connection they have personally is there on a much more professional level as well, but they are talking Congress here, the biggest show of the year, and possibly the most important one of her career. Apparently, she has as much faith in his abilities to guide her as he has faith in her talent.        “It’ll be my pleasure,” he states.      “Really?” Y/N responds, thrilled.       “Hell, yeah,” Dean says, excited. “I’ll have to check with management if I can get time off for Congress, but I have plenty of days left. Plus, I think Ellen is kinda rooting for us.”      She chuckles, but then does a double take. “Wait, what? Ellen knows we’re together? I - I mean, not together together, I get that we’re not an item--”      “-Ellen knows,” he grins, squeezing her hand when he interrupts her nervous train of words. “I think basically everyone knows by now, except Garth and Bobby.”

     A little uneasy Y/N glances from their hands up into his eyes. Wait… Is she reading too much into his words? He didn’t correct her when she used the term ‘together’. Why didn’t he? Is he worried he might upset her again? If anything, she doesn’t want to push him to oblige to something he’s not ready for.      “Dean, I know we just… I didn’t mean--” She pauzes, collects herself and starts over. “I know you’re not ready for a relationship and that’s fine, we had that conversation already. I’m not trying to rush you.”      “You’re not rushin’ me,” he assures, calmly. “I just needed a wake up call in order to pull my head out of my ass.”      The woman before him hesitates, “W-what do you mean?”

     The wrangler wets his lips, taking a second to choose his words carefully.       “When your old man called, for a minute I thought you were about to hop on a plane and that I was never gonna see you again,” he admits. “And - uh, it kinda freaked me out, to be honest.”      He huffs, barely able to believe what he’s about to say.      “I’m not gonna keep you waitin’ any longer, Yankee. I know I said I want you, earlier, but truth is…” 

     Y/N watches him glance down at their hands again, running his thumb over her knuckles. Nerves close off her throat, because she has a hunch that he’s about to break it to her; he doesn’t want the commitment. 

Tears begin to prick in her eyes, but not from laughter this time. She knew it was going to be difficult to get close to him. Dean keeps to himself, probably because he cared too much in the past and learned his lesson the hard way. The possibility of her leaving spooked him today, and now he’s done. He doesn’t want to risk that kind of heartbreak, he doesn’t want to rely on anyone. Dean Winchester would rather fill his world with a hundred shallow and meaningless flings than with one solid partner, and this is him setting her free, before things get out of --      “I wanna be with you.”

     Her racing mind, which was breaking the speed limit, hits a brick wall. Shocked, she pulls her eyes away from their entwined fingers, gazing at him almost dumbfoundedly. Did he just say he wants to be with me?      “W-what?” she stammers.      “I mean, if you’ll still have me,” Dean adds, a little unsettled by her response. “Look, I know I’m not exactly an open book and that I behave like a dick sometimes when you try to get through to me. I’m stubborn as hell and my communication skills need some work—”

     Now it’s Y/N who cuts him off for a change, closing the gap and kissing him passionately. He eases into her, smiling against her lips and leaves a peck on her hair when she embraces him and buries her face under his chin. Relieved, he allows the breath he was holding to leave his lungs.      “So, what do you say?” he asks, cocking his head back slightly to be able to look her in the eye again. “Up for a challenge?”      “Are we talking about us training together for Congress, or us as a couple?” she checks, regaining her footing again.      Dean frowns and chuckles at that. “Both.”      She doesn’t need time to think. She knew the answer to this question long before Dean was ready to ask.      “Yes,” she beams. “Hell, yes.”

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to like or reblog my work, shoot me a message or buy me coffee (Link to Kofi in bio at the top of the page).

Read part eighteen here

#Ride With Me #Dean x Reader #Dean Winchester #Cowboy!Dean #Cowboy!Dean x Reader #Cowboy!Dean series #Dean Winchester fanfiction #Dean Winchester x Reader #Dean x Y/N #Dean Winchester x Y/N #Dean Winchester fluff #Dean Winchester angst #Dean Winchester smut #Dean fluff #Dean angst #Dean smut #Supernatural AU #Cowboy!Dean AU #SPN AU #Dean x Reader AU #Ellen Harvelle #Jo Harvelle #Bobby Singer #Benny Lafitte #Garth Fitzgerald IV #Kate Huntington

[skottydawgblog]

Top 25 Albums of All Time

Scott Welsch

Criteria:

Every song on the album must be attractive for listening. No “skippers” on the album. No, “Eh, that song kinda sucks” on the album. *Greatest Hits albums ARE NOT acceptable for this list. (This rule devastates me, as it disqualifies Foo Fighters)

2. The album/music/lyrics should still be relevant (and listenable) today.

3. The artist can’t just be for a specific crowd or followers (e.g. Jimmy Buffet, Grateful Dead, Moody Blues, etc.).

4. There is no need for the album to have won any awards or previous recognition.

5. I could have easily made this a “Top 100”, but I have a life.

TOP TWENTY FIVE ALBUMS OF ALL TIME:

#25 Billy Joel — Glass Houses

I played this album at bedtime growing up. I listened to side one, flipped the album, then listened to side two until the needle lulled me to sleep by making the “click click” noise at the end of the record. The album features Billy Joel’s first song to reach #1 status on Billboard (Still Rock and Roll To Me).

#24 Guns n Roses — Appetite For Destruction

My best friend in the 80s said to me, “Have you heard of this new band?” and handed me a cassette tape (in 1987). I listened to the entire cassette from start to finish the first time, and thought to myself, “Oh, man. These guys are gonna be huge.” Sure enough, Guns n Roses became one of the best-known names in modern rock. Their debut album (Appetite) has a buffet of glorious songs to listen to. Repeatedly.

#23 Elton John — Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Elton John released this album as a two-disc set because he ended up writing and recording more songs than required by his recording company for the release. His creativity had kicked in full force (and then some). He recorded it in Jamaica (the country, not the neighborhood in Queens, NY).

#22 Red Hot Chili Peppers — Blood Sugar Sex Magik

The Chili Peppers’ fifth studio album, BSSM pushed them into mainstream. Prior to this album, the closest they had gotten was with a Stevie Wonder cover of Higher Ground on the Mother’s Milk album. No one has ever duplicated the variety of melodic undertones created by the combination of acid-rock, soul-funk, early alt-rock, and blues style on BSSM.

#21 Billy Idol — Billy Idol

Billy Idol’s debut album, released in 1982, was an absolute success after his breakup with the band Generation X. The song Dancing With Myself (track 11 on the 1983 reissue of the album) was actually a song originally recorded BY Generation X (with Billy Idol on lead vocals). It was a retail failure when released with Generation X, but when Billy Idol re-recorded and re-released it as a solo artist, it went mainstream.

#20 The Police — Zenyatta Mondotta

This was the last album The Police recorded by combining their reggae and punk music style before they switched to a more “popular” music style. Songs like Canary In A Coal Mine and Bombs Away had innuendos of political undertones, while Don’t Stand So Close To Me and De Do Do Do De Da Da Da were more lackadaisical and humorous.

#19 Van Halen — Van Halen

This album is an anomaly. Van Halen is a very well known band. They produced twelve albums. Yet, this is their debut album and has their legacy songs. The album has reached Diamond status by selling over ten million copies. It has one of the best-known guitar instrumental songs in history (eruption).

#18 Nirvana — Nevermind

This is my nod to the Foo Fighters, since they are not eligible for the list. Nevermind was the cork that popped and brought alternative rock (as a whole) into the mainstream. It basically created a whole new genre of both musicians and fans.

#17 Lynyrd Skynyrd — (Pronounced Lĕh-’nérd ‘Skin-’nérd)

Well…Free Bird, of course. I don’t need to write any about this album more than that.

#16 Pink Floyd — The Wall

I used to just listen to this album and watch the movie because it was the cool thing to do. Then, once I picked apart the meaning behind both (the music and the screenplay), it was totally eye opening. Pink Floyd was successful at concept before concept was cool.

#15 The Doors — The Doors

The Doors recorded this album in less than a month, yet it will inspire musicians for centuries. Critics often rate it the best album of all time.

#14 Rainmakers — Rainmakers

The Rainmakers self-titled album epitomizes my “100%” criterion. Every well written song tells a story, either historically or humorously. Also, The Rainmakers made rockabilly cool when no one knew what rockabilly was.

#13 Rush — Moving Pictures

With so many amazing Rush albums to choose from, it was difficult to pick just one. However, the rules of my list narrowed it down to Moving Pictures. I have spent countless nights in my life listening to this album from start to finish. Although Side B has no songs that ever received radio play, they are still AMAZING songs.

#12 Linkin Park — Hybrid Theory

This debut album launched Linkin Park into their river of greatness. Linkin Park was initially rejected by 42 recording agents before recording Hybrid Theory and becoming one of the all-time greatest alt rock bands.

#11 Beastie Boys — Licensed To Ill

Licensed To Ill is one of the fastest selling debut albums in history. It gained Diamond status (over 10 million copies). Some claim that Licensed To Ill is the best punk rap album ever released.

#10 Van Halen–5150

5150 was Van Halen’s debut album with Sammy Hagar as lead singer. Each song has crisp, clear instrumentals and incredibly well written music. Although the album received negative reviews from critics, each song creates different feelings and scenarios with the tempos and feelings. I know, I know. Van Halen is already on this list. However, as stated: this album is with Sammy Hagar as lead singer. The previous one was David Lee Roth.

#9 Violent Femmes — Violent Femmes

This was Violent Femmes debut album. It was the party album of the eighties. Every partygoer knew every lyric to every song. The Femmes had one of the most distinctive sounds of the times and remains an enduring classic. The minimalism and simplicity of their music created the attractiveness, and their lyrics are a drug.

#8 New Order — Substance

This is a compilation (2 disc) album. NOT a greatest hits album. It contains a ton of great New Order music. The only reason I made the exception (of “Greatest Hits”) is because it has a “B” sides disc included with many unreleased, 12-inch, and dub versions of the original songs. For New Order fans, this is a gold mine.

#7 The Who — Who’s Next

There are so many great tracks on here. The primary reason this one made the list is Baba O’Riley. This song (often mislabeled as Teenage Wasteland) was originally 30 minutes long. I would have had no problem with the song being that long.

#6 Prince — Purple Rain

Purple Rain had innovation that was unheard of in the early ’80s. For example, When Doves Cry does not have a bass line. The consolidation of R&B with rock was a new concept. Lastly, Prince’s guitar playing on this album was out of this world.

#5 U2 — Joshua Tree

Bono’s “great romance” and fascination with the United States served as the inspirations for The Joshua Tree. I wonder if Bono would have found today’s United States as inspirational? One of the BEST songs on this album- Running To Stand Still.

#4 AC/DC — Back In Black

This is one of the best-selling albums in history. It is AC/DC’s leanest, meanest album of all-time. It will always sound timeless and simple, yet savagely crafted.

#3 Led Zeppelin — IV

This album defined not only Led Zeppelin but the sound and style of 70s hard rock. It encompassed heavy metal, folk, pure rock-and-roll, and blues. This album not only served as a cornerstone but also a turning point for the future of music. Just don’t ask a guitar player to play Stairway (or Freebird).

#2 Nine Inch Nails — Downward Spiral

It’s no surprise that Trent Reznor collaborated with Jane’s Addiction drummer Stephen Perkins on this album. The instrumentation throughout the album is amazing. Every song leads into the next (it should, as it’s a concept album). Just don’t listen to the lyrics too closely. It could prove very, very depressing!

#1 Pearl Jam — Ten

Ten was the debut album from Pearl Jam in August 1991. Although most consider Pearl Jam a “Grunge” band, the album is more classic rock music. Most of the songs on the album began as simple instrumental band jam sessions that Eddie Vedder then wrote lyrics to go along with. The songs on Ten, despite their deep, dark lyrics, will remain on playlists for generations to come. Ten is powerful, insightful, deep, dark, thought provoking, and brilliant. “Why is the album named ‘Ten’?” you ask, when there are eleven tracks on it? Jeff Ament’s (the band’s bass player) love for NBA point guard Mookie Blaylock provided the inspiration. Blaylock’s involvement in a tragic car accident hit Pearl Jam like an injury to a family member. Blaylock’s jersey number was — you guessed it — Ten.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Steve Miller Band — Book of Dreams

This album has a few legendary songs on it: Jet Airliner, Swingtown, Jungle Love, and True Fine Love. The only reason it did not meet the cut is because it has some “eh” songs on it. However, a host can play this album straight through at a party or a get together, and no one will complain.

The Cars — The Cars

This is an amazing album. Clean, crisp guitar. Ric Ocasek’s vocals and lyrics are powerful. However, two songs (I’m In Touch With Your World and Dontcha Stop) prevent this album from meeting the “100%” criterion.

#rock music #music

[actuallyrandomperson]

My thoughts on the Sanders Sides Spotify playlists- Virgil Edition!

Note: this is Purely me saying whether or not I like the songs, not theorising about any deeper meanings. I’ve done them all, so just click on the names to see my reactions to the others: Patton, Roman, Logan, Janus

Impressions from looking through the playlist: I don’t specifically know most of the songs (I know more of the bands), but I feel like that’ll be a recurring theme as I tend to stick within my very specific music taste and only add songs to my playlists if I hear them while I’m out and about and like them enough to find them on Spotify, which means my horizons aren’t broadened very often. The ones I do know do not surprise me that much (neither do the bands, for that matter), as they feel very Virgil

1: ‘Sunrise, Sunset’, by Bright Eyes. I didn’t mind it at first? But the chorus was a bit too,,, shouty for me. Probably Definitely a song I’d skip if it came up on a playlist in the future, as much as I liked the tune(/melody?). Not surprised to find it on Virgil’s playlist though, it gives off Angst. Was very in my face as I tried to continue reading fics.

2: ‘Lets Kill Tonight’, by Panic! At The Disco. One that I have probably heard before, as while I myself didn’t have an emo music phase, an ex friend did. I liked it more, as I expected to as I tend to like p!atd’s songs. Not one that I’d go out of my way to listen to again, but has been added to my 32 hour long playlist on Spotify (not my slightly more curated 10 hour one tho, but I mostly play the 10 hour one while doing work or while others are around soo). Once again felt like it suited Virgil, (as I imagine all of them will, so I might just call out ones that feel Odd if any do.)

3: ‘Sally’s Song’, by Amy Lee. It might shock some of y’all, but not one I’ve really heard before! I live in Australia so Halloween’s not a massive thing and I actually don’t know that many people who’ve watched The Nightmare Before Christmas. Thomas is actually one of the main reasons I know that the movie exists. I really liked it, unsurprisingly, so it too made its way to my 32 hour playlist (not the ten hour one, but only because I try to keep mostly ‘normal’ songs on there so there’s not that many songs from movies in it)

4: ‘It Ends Tonight’, by The All-American Rejects. I recognised the band, but not the title. I think I’ve heard this before though- I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it. I wouldn’t skip it if it popped up in a playlist at some stage in the future, but I haven’t added it to either of my playlists.

5: ‘I’d Hate To Be You When Everyone Fonds Out What This Song Is About’, Mayday Parade. Very long title (ok, I know in emo song title standards it’s not even that long but as I said I didn’t really have an emo phase so these sorts of titles always shock me) that slightly confuses me (who’s you? why is what the songs about bad for them??), but I liked it! Is now on my 32 hour playlist. I suspect that at the end of listening to all of these it will be longer than 32 hours.

6: ‘A Decade Under The Influence’, Taking Back Sunday. Another one that I liked enough that I wouldn’t skip it in the future, but didn’t add to my playlist. I just didn’t vibe with it enough. Happened to line up with Roman having a Bad Feeling™ in the fic I was reading tho so that was entertaining

7: ‘Thks fr th mmrs’, by Fall Out Boy. This was the first song to invoke feelings of Nostalgia™ in me, and I’m kinda shocked it’s not already in my 32 hour playlist. That has been remedied. This song was played a fair bit in my childhood, both on the radio and by an older sister. I imagine a lotta people my age had a similar thing. Obviously one I Love. Got me to stop reading in favour of being a doofus by lip syncing and dancing around while lying in bed (and deafening my eardrums as I turned it up louder) during the chorus.

8: ‘Be Calm’, by Fun. This was the second song that I didn’t recognise either the title or the band for. I liked it, even though the initial warped carnival-esque tune thing made me think of Pennywise. Pretty much as soon as the singing started I added it to the 32 hour playlist. It might make its way to the shorter one one day, as I actually really like it. It’s just a bit odd, and as I said I try to keep that playlist to more ‘conventionally normal’ songs as it’s designed for me to be able to play around other people without getting weird looks.

9: ‘I’m Not Okay (I Promise)’, by My Chemical Romance. Let’s be real. I would’ve cried if this song wasn’t included in the playlist. You would’ve cried if this song was not included in this playlist. If all of their songs aren’t in their respective playlists I’ll be disappointed. This song being in the playlist prompted me to go back and rewatch that episode. so many jokes originate in that ep. also we only knew one name back then? and the dark sides were barely a blip on our radars??? how????? ok back to the song- not my favourite, but I wasn’t expecting it to be. Probably won’t skip it every time it comes up in the future, but it’s definitely not my cup of tea.

10: ‘Imaginary’, by Evanescence. I laughed when I realised this was next up, as rewatching the q&a reminded me that Virgil said they were his favourite band so I’d noted that I had to look out to see if any of their songs were on the playlist. I liked it enough to add it to the 32 hour playlist, but wouldn’t go out of my way to play it in the future.

11: ‘Soft Shock- Acoustic Version’, by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. When this started my first thought was ‘oh, I think I’m gonna really like this one!’ and my second was ‘I’m kinda surprised it’s on Virgils playlist, but it feels right somehow.’ (It made more sense as I listened to the lyrics, I think I was just massively caught off guard by it being acoustic). I hadn’t heard of either the song or the band before this, but my initial instinct was Correct and it has in fact.... made it onto the ten hour playlist!! Hell yeah!! I actually liked it enough to listen to the og version as well, which I still liked but slightly less. (Also I have heard some of their music before as I realised looking at the album this came from that my one of my sisters used to listen to them, which I’m not that surprised about as we have Similar tastes in music)

12: ‘The Good That Won’t Come Out’, by Rilo Kiley. I liked this enough to consider adding it to my 32 hour playlist, and the lyrics were interesting, I just didn’t vibe with it that much. 🤷‍♀️

13: ‘Sick Sad World’, by Nervus. The bands name feels very apt for Virgil. I liked the rhythm of this one, and it was also a Certified Mood tbh. Got added to the 32 hour playlist!! Also made me wanna hug Virgil.

14: ‘Ignorance’, by Paramore. I wasn’t expecting to love this, as I don’t remember really liking much of Paramore’s music in the past even though I know I must’ve heard some, but I didn’t hate it. Didn’t get added to either of my playlists, but I probably wouldn’t skip it in the future.

15: ‘The Ice Is Getting Thinner’, by Death Cab for Cutie. I was expecting to like this one, as one of my favourite youtuber’s fave songs is a death cab for cutie song and I really like it as well. I did like this one quite a bit, but it only made its way onto my 32 hour playlist.

16: ‘Overkill- Acoustic Version’, by Colin Hay. I didn’t mind this, but didn’t like it enough to put it on the 32 hour playlist. I possibly would like the original version more, but I can’t be bothered finding it especially given my first impression is just meh

17: ‘Under Pressure’, by My Chemical Romance. I didn’t love it as much as I love the original, but it did prompt me to check if I’d added the original to my two playlists. Apparently I didn’t, even though I was listening to a Lot of Queen when I was deeply entrenched in good omens.

18: ‘Everything is Alright’, Motion City Soundtrack. I liked this one! I think I might’ve heard It before, but it’s been a while. It got added to the 32 hour playlist.

19: ‘The Middle’, by Jimmy Eat World. I didn’t recognise the title b u t I did recognise the song. Obviously. Because I’m a gen z with older siblings. It was the second big nostalgia feels song, which was made even stronger by me not immediately recognising the title (unlike thks fr th mmrs). Was added to the 32 hour playlist as soon as I realised what song it was

20: ‘Vindicated’, by Dashboard Confessional. I knew this, but mostly from a music podcast called Punch up The Jam so hearing it in full was weird. Added it to the 32 hour playlist but wouldn’t go out of my way to listen to it again.

Final thoughts: I know I said I never had an emo phase in music, but I do actually like a lot of it even tho I was never That Kid, so I was kinda expecting to at least like a lot of these songs. My favourite song was definitely Be Calm, closely followed Soft Shock and Thks Fr Th Mmrs. 12/20 got added to my 32 hour playlist, and 2 (I eventually decided my love of Be Calm was strong enough for it to be an exception) to the 10 hour one!

@thatsthat24

#sanders sides #sanders sides playlist #virgil #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #sanders sides spotify #virgil's playlist #virgil’s playlist reaction #spotify #virgils playlist #virgils playlist reaction #virgil’s spotify #virgils spotify

[barbarasecretfiles]

Prison Playbook/Wise Prison Life

Park Hae Soo as Kim Jae Hyuk

Jung Kyung Ho as Lee Joon Ho

Choi Moo Sung as Kim Min Chul

Jung Hae In as Yoo Jung Woo or Captain Yoo

Krystal Jung as Kim Ji Ho

Jung Woong In as Paeng Se Yoon

Lee Kyu Hyung as Yoo Han Yang or Looney

Park Ho San as Kang Chul Doo or KAIST

Jung Min Sung as Dr. Go

Kim Sung Chul as Kim Young Chul

From the title itself, Prison Playbook, this kdrama revolves inside the prison. The story started when Kim Jae Hyuk, a famous baseball player, defended his sister from getting rape. Kim Jae Hyuk was sentenced one year in prison for assault. The first two episodes where he was spending his time in detention center was kinda boring. The fun of the story begins when Kim Jae Hyuk was transferred into a penitentiary. At first, you will thought that Kim jae Hyuk cellmates will caused trouble based on their initial actions (except for Jean Valjean ofc). But they are all warm hearted and have unique story to tell. Wing 2 Room 6 showcase different kinds of prisoners. Kim Jae Hyuk, our cutie baseball player. Although he was first shown as an idiot in the drama, he was actually smart in his own ways. He was just simple minded person. Although he was just defending his sister, he was jailed because of excessive used of force. He used a glass trophy to hit the rapist. In court, it was filed as excessive and exceeded justified self-defense. As he was spending his time in prison, he faced difficulties and some of it actually leads him into the decision of retiring in baseball. Kim Min Chul, the gangster. He did not actually directly killed someone but he started a gang fight where someone dies. His friend was sentenced to death penalty while he was sentenced of life imprisonment. After his friend died, he regretted that he became a thug. He spend his days in prison regretting, praying and supporting his cellmates(even tho he knows they will never visit him). It just sad that while he is in prison, he never knows about his daughter's identity until 22 years later. He spend most of his time in prison than in his supposedly family. Captain Yoo, he was actually defamed as a murderer. He was called demon captain way back then. Luckily, one of his troops decided to be the witness for retrial. The witness convince others to witness too. Two years after, justice serves. Better late than never. Tho, it was actually sad that money and power takes everything. Yoo Han Yang, the druggies. He took drugs just because he felt no one ever loves him honestly. His boyfriend cannot completely says he loves him and his mom was always thought of money. It was just sad that in the end, when we thought he will be better because finally his bf was proposing and his mom was being supportive now, he took drugs again and was caught again by the police. Dr Ko, an employee. He actually took the blamed/ cased against their company. It just sad that people will never admit that they are wrong. And they will used someone just to cover it up.

In short, this kdrama was superb. They were never dull moments with the squad! I also love Kyung Ho here. His character was very different from his character in Hospital Playlist. The only similarities is that they always yell! Furthermore, I commend the love story. Krystal's acting was so natural here and she have great chemistry with Park Hae Soo. The age gap of the two was actually cute tho. What bothers me is that when the two of them met, Ji Ho was still in grade school or junior high school. It was shown in the drama their huge age gap. Luckily, the directors confirmed in the drama itself that the two of them fell in love with each other when they are in legal age. Aside from the life inside the prison, they also showed as how difficult the life of an athlete and when he encounters the difficulties involving his health(mental or physical). Prison Playbook is a dark comedy. It all had its fun scenes but lowkey showing the injustices inside the prison. Real life prison was never this cute. It was all fun until you realized that in real life, being in prison was never this funny. And there are a lot of people who was actually just defamed. May the justice serves for them.

All in all, the drama was great! In fact, I actually developed a small crush on Park Hae Soo. He was cutesy cutie here. Definitely worth watching. Try to listen to their OSTs, too!

Until the next roll call!

#Prison playbook #kdrama #krystal jung #jung kyung ho #park hae soo #kim jae hyuk #kim ji ho #tvn #jung hae in #captain yoo #yoo jung woo #yoo han yang #looney #choi moo sung #Kim Sung Chul #Kim Young Chul #Jung Min Sung #prison #prison life #life spice #Park Ho San #Lee Kyu Hyung #Jung Woong In #shin won-ho #Jung Bo-hoon #Lee Woo-jung #kdrama recommendations #netflix recommendations #south korea #netflix

[mikkock]

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth” 

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks). 

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget. 

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,, 

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

#thats way less talk than i thought id do #prolly bc i wrote half of it when it was between midnight and one AM #wait no it was 2 am #but ye #sry if shit messy af #those two are my faves tho n talkin bout em on the spot is hard cuz my brain is screaming about everything bout em at once #if u wanna get more info on em do ask i love them so much n i feel i didnt do em justice here cuz speaking is a fraud words dont exist #im glad they caught ur interest tho #nothin more gratifyin than not being the only bitch who likes his own children

[ladyanatui]

Ultimate Daiken Playlist, Pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This is the abridged version of my Spotify playlist for all things Daiken, organized from the start of 02 to...eventually.

Part 2 specifically covers from Ken finding Wormmon’s Digi-Tama to just after XV-mon and Stingmon Jogress-evolve into Paildramon.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses depression, suicide, emotional abuse, and PTSD quite a lot. Take care of yourselves, folks!

Spotify Playlist

Click the song titles for YouTube links (apparently you can’t have more than five videos in a post), and otherwise, enjoy me rambling about Daiken.

One final note: Within the lyrics, I’ve emphasized meaningful words, such as night/nightmare, dark/darkness, miracle(s), kind/kindness, courage/bravery, friend/friendship, sun/star/light, fire/burn/ignite, angel(s), and words related to water/drowning.

“What If This Is All the Love You Ever Get?” by Snow Patrol

What if it hurts like hell? Then it'll hurt like hell Come on over, come on over here I'm in the ruins too I know the wreckage so well Come on over, come on over here What if this is all the love you ever get?

If “Tell Me Why” by Three Days Grace focuses on Wormmon’s death, this song focuses on Ken’s trip to the Village of Beginnings, where he finds Wormmon’s egg and brings him back. Because Ken is absolutely scared that he won’t be able to find Wormmon because, as far as he believes, he doesn’t deserve to have him back. Obviously, that’s not true, and the pair is reunited and Wormmon even evolves to Stingmon between episodes (unfortunately).

“Aftermath” by Adam Lambert

Wanna scream out, no more hiding Don't be afraid of what's inside Gonna tell ya you'll be alright In the aftermath

Alright, this song is probably pretty obvious. Ken has to deal with the aftermath of what happened to him/what he did, and so do the rest of the Chosen Children. The others are cleaning up the Digital World while he’s learning to be an eleven-year-old boy again and allowing his parents to get to know him for the first time, even while he still tries to figure out who he is.

“Demons” by The All-American Rejects

Am I even here? Is it still even me? Am I some of the man that I still claim to be? It's like losing a fight, I'm alone in the ring You come to fix me? Would you believe, could you believe you need me?

Obviously, it’s not that easy, though. And when we experience trauma the way Ken does, having his choices and very personality taken from him, there’s a long road of recovery.

“Sinking Man” by Of Monsters and Men

Cold, dark sea Wrapping its arms around me Pulling me down to the deep All eyes on me

I pushed you away Although I wished you could stay So many words left unsaid But I'm all out of breath

I associate this song especially with the scene Ken and Daisuke share by the canal, where Daisuke asks Ken to apologize and join the team. The moment apologizing is mentioned, Ken agrees--which, of course, has Daisuke over the moon--but then he asks if Daisuke thinks the others would forgive him, if a mere apology would make up for everything he did.

Although he’s certainly right about them not accepting an apology without action and follow-through to back it up, he’s also (surprise, surprise) self-sabotaging. And that’s even more apparent the moment Daisuke calls him their “partner.” Ken flips out and runs off pretty quickly.

“The Real You” by Three Days Grace

And it seems like I've known you forever I'll keep you safe for one more night Need you to know that it's all right I see the real you Even if you don't I do I do

And this is the other side of the coin. Daisuke’s perspective of that same scene/situation. Because Daisuke looked into the Digimental of Miracles and he knows that Ken is good. He knows it with all his freaking beautiful heart, and he’s willing to completely ignore the other Chosen Children when they outright tell him they don’t want Ken on the team. He doesn’t care what they say because he knows how wrong they are, and he knows how wrong Ken is about himself.

It’s pretty safe to say that Daisuke is the only person in all of 02 who sees Ken for who he really is, and he’s willing to put everything on the line, including the team morale and dynamics, to support Ken.

“Numb” by Linkin Park

Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow Every step that I take is another mistake to you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow And every second I waste is more than I can take

What playlist about a character with depression would be complete without this? “Numb” is an iconic depression song, made even more so by Chester Bennington’s death, though Linkin Park has so many songs related to depression and mental health.

**Okay, it’s pretty safe to say the next six songs have to do with the two-part episode (episodes 26 & 27) revolving around Daisuke and Ken’s initial Jogress evolution. It’s kind of a big deal, so it’s a big deal in the playlist as well. The event functions as 02′s midpoint and centerpiece, so it’s one of the most emotionally charged and important scenes in the whole season. It really can’t be summed up in a song or two.**

“This Is How I Disappear” by My Chemical Romance

Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost So I can't hurt you anymore

This song in particular is about Ken’s suicidal ideation, the technical term for suicidal thoughts. Ken is what is sometimes called “gray suicidal” (since people often think of suicide in black and white terms, which isn’t accurate) because he has no specific plan to kill him, he’s never attempted suicide, and he doesn’t want to actually die.

And yet, he thinks about death a lot and that he deserves to die and that his death would help fix things because he can’t hurt anyone if he’s dead. He wants to punish himself, and he wants to carry all of the burden because he thinks he deserves it. (Obviously, this isn’t true, as Ken’s story arc is more about overcoming trauma than about redeeming himself--but you’d have a hard time convincing Ken of that fact.)

“Friend, Please” by Twenty One Pilots

Would you let me know your plans tonight 'Cause I just won't let go till we both see the light And I have nothing else left to say But I will listen to you all day, yes, I will

So basically, these next couple songs sum up the argument Daisuke and Ken have before their digivices light up for the Jogress evolution. First, Daisuke tries to convince Ken to let them help, that they’ll work together, but...

“Save Yourself” by My Darkest Days

I’m the devil’s son straight out of hell And you’re an angel with a haunted heart If you’re smart you’d run and protect yourself From the demon living in the dark There’s nothing to be gained cause I can never change And you can never understand my sickness

Oh, look, Ken is being stubborn and frustrating and self-sabotaging yet again. He legitimately thinks the others will be better off if they leave him alone, and he means that both because if he’s the only one inside the base when it explodes, they’ll survive and because if they keep their distance from him in regards to friendship, he can’t hurt them emotionally. And worst of all, he’s roped Wormmon/Stingmon in on this suicidal atonement thing. *smh*

Ken: I won’t let people suffer anymore because of what I did...no more. ... I want to restore the Digital World with my own hands, but things just keep getting worse. I can’t stand it! Stingmon (to XV-mon): If there’s any way I can atone for the sins I’ve committed... Ken: It doesn’t matter what happens to me! Right now, I have to stop this reactor.

Bonus points for references to angels and hearts, though since this is from Ken’s perspective, Daisuke would be the “angel with a haunted heart.” Not sure that imagery works well, but the rest of it does.

“Die for You” by Starset

Some day when galaxies collide We'll be lost on different skies I will send my rocket ship to find you Because I know you're lost when you run away Into the same black holes and black mistakes Taking all my will just to run alone Until I bring you home

And what’s Daisuke’s reaction to Ken being stubborn and stupid? Bitch-slap him! He fucking needs it. (That’s everyone’s solution in this show, I swear.) And Daisuke isn’t going to let him get away with that shit. He yells and shouts and berates Ken until he finally looks at it from someone else’s perspective:

Daisuke: You idiot! *slap* How can you say that? Daisuke: Think of who would be sad if you were gone. If I let you go now and you never come back, I’ll regret it forever. So I won’t let you go! Daisuke: You may be okay with it, but I’m not. Ken: Motomiya... Daisuke: Live! Daisuke: If you die now, you won’t be able to accomplish anything. I don’t want that. Ken: I don’t want that either. There are still many things I must do. Ken: Besides, I don’t want to make my family sad anymore...

Note: I cut out XV-mon’s lines to Stingmon here because Daisuke’s words are the important part of this conversation, but I separated Daisuke’s lines where XV-mon spoke for clarity.

“Divide” by Bastille

Why would we divide when we could come together? Just bodies that collide, lost and found each other So don't, don't leave me alone Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone Why would we divide when we could come together?

It’s only after that, after they understand each other on a monumental level, that they are able to Jogress evolve. And boy is that an experience. No other Jogress partners (except maybe Taichi and Yamato) have this intense of an experience with Jogress evolution, none have their bond.

And quite frankly, this song is about as poorly veiled a hint at sex as Jogress evolution is. Just listen to it. You’ll see.

But this song also shows Ken’s hesitation when it comes to Jogress. They work so well together, they’re completely in sync, they understand each other, but he’s definitely not ready to join the team or be Daisuke’s partner.

“Heartlines” by Florence + The Machine

Your heart is the only place that I call home Can I be returned, you can You can, we can

Just keep following The heartlines on your hand

Okay, and last one about the Jogress evolution! This one should be pretty damn obvious too: When Daisuke and Ken have their initial Jogress, one of the most notable things that makes it different from all others’ Jogress experiences is the fact that they can feel/hear each other’s heartbeats.

Soul fucking mates.

“Pieces” by Sum 41

This place is so empty My thoughts are so tempting I don't know how it got so bad Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me But it's the only thing that I have

But when everything is over and Daisuke explains exactly how the experience was for him (“When our Digimon combined, our thoughts and feelings flowed through each of our bodies. Our hearts beating as one…it was an amazing feeling of unity! That’s when I knew we were partners.”), Ken panics and tells him, “I’m qualified to be your partner yet,” and walks away before Daisuke really has the chance to process what happened. Despite Daisuke’s words before they Jogress-evolved, Ken is still determined to redeem himself before allowing himself to join the team.

“Run” by Snow Patrol

Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, dear

Of course, that would require Daisuke to know how to take no for an answer. Even if Ken isn’t going to listen to him and join the team, he still includes him as much as he can, and he is determined to stick by Ken’s side even if he doesn’t want him there.

And it may look to an outsider like Daisuke isn’t respecting Ken’s wishes, which yeah, that’s technically true. But by this time, Daisuke understands Ken better than anyone, save Wormmon, and while Daisuke may not respect Ken’s wishes, he respects Ken more than Ken respects himself. More than anything, he wants to help Ken, and he will be there for Ken to lean on if he ever needs to.

“Not Today” by Twenty One Pilots

Heard you say, "Not today" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a sound Heard your voice, "There's no choice" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a noise

I'm, I'm out of my mind, I'm not seeing things right I waste all this time trying to run from you But I'm, I'm out of my mind

To an extent, it is because of Daisuke’s forwardness that Ken keeps running away, as Hikari says on multiple occasions. He keeps trying to run away from Daisuke, from the other Chosen Children, but for some reason (*cough* Daisuke *cough*), it doesn’t seem to stick.

“Arch Drive Goodbye” by Eve 6

Wanna keep you from breakin' Wanna keep you from shakin' Wanna keep you from keepin' You down Wanna keep you from sinkin' Wanna keep you from drinkin' Sometimes Wanna keep you from keepin' You down

Ringing in my head All the things you've said All the things you've done I wish I could compromise But there's only one way to go And I'm going alone I'm going alone

I see this song as a sort of duet. There are sections/lines that would be from Daisuke’s perspective (the first quote, though obviously ignore the line about drinking--they’re eleven) and sections that would be from Ken’s (the second quote). Daisuke wants to help him so badly, but Ken is still so determined not to need help and to go it alone.

“Someone to Save You” by OneRepublic

All right Sit down and spill your heart

Let’s start from the very start 'Cause I can see by your eyes You're wasted Your energy comes and goes You taking your time, you know Nothing can change what happened

Not that Daisuke will listen to that, right? No matter how much Ken insists he can go it alone, Daisuke is always there to be supportive. He’s just as determined to help Ken as Ken is to refuse help. Actually, no, Daisuke is way more determined. He will always, above all else, persevere.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

#daiken #daisuke motomiya #ken ichijouji #digimon #digimon 02 #playlist #trigger warning #suicide #depression #ptsd #emotional abuse #mental health #anatui

[leafenclaw]

OTP Playlist Tag

Tagged by @raeofalbion​ for any ship of mine. Thank you. ^^

Rules: create a five song playlist for one of your OTPs.

Tagging: Whoever wants to do it! =) @theteadetective​ and @sunnymentalist​ if you’re up for it? If not, it’s not a problem. ^^

So. Uhm. I’m sorry, I’m going to have to bend the rules a little because while I can certainly give you a list of five songs, they aren’t... well. I think we talked about how my hellbrain processes human voice as just another instrument (especially when it’s not in my native language), so I almost never bother with lyrics because I often cannot hear them?

Plus, songs to me are fluid, movement, so trying to make them fit a character (a static entity when on its own) makes no sense, unless we’re talking about how a character reacts. And then it’s not about the character anymore, it’s about how they react/interact with life, it becomes tied to the moment and events. 

Which means I don’t have ship playlists. Sorry. I’m just not wired that way.

What I do have is (extremely small) story playlists. But as pointed out above, I cannot pick them based on the lyrics, so instead I choose them based on the emotions they make me feel, and how well their colours match the story I’m trying to tell.

Good news is, I can show you. Sort of.

(First of all, necessary disclaimer: those pictures are composites made of several other pictures blended in Photoshop. I don’t own anything, and moreover I cannot credit anyone because I saved them years ago and didn’t keep the source, sorry. But they’re probably all very easy to find through a “fractal” search on google.)

So, ship! Sherlock and Jamie from Elementary, since they’re one of the two ships I have enough songs for to answer. Top picture is the colours they make together in my mind. On the left, Sherlock on his own, and on the right, Jamie. You can probably see a bit of what they bring to the ship colours individually. ^^

So, moving to the point of this post...

These are the colours I am trying to achieve on a story I started working on last summer. I gave it like five different temporary titles so even if I told you the one it has now, it probably wouldn’t tell you anything. XD But there’s bits and pieces of it scattered all over my “Six Sentences Sunday” tag if you're curious.

To pick songs that will fit a story, I hold all those colours together in my mind, and try to find songs that will match close enough both visually (with the colours) and emotionally (for the story’s overall mood <= based on how the song makes me feel rather than what it’s about, because very often what it’s about actually clashes with what I get from it).

For this story, so far I have:

“Paint it, Black”, cover by Ciara Dark purples and oranges on black background, with a few bright yellow... shooting stars? Fireworks? They move across the other colours quickly and leave a bit of a trail that fades eventually.

“Waves”, cover by We Are Sheppard Dark blue and purple, with flecks of yellowish white spiralling up and down the shapes, as if someone was moving a flashlight around and it caught on small patches of reflective fabric. (The original version of this song doesn’t have any yellow at all and a lot less purple, hence why I prefer this version for that story.)

“Someone You Loved”, instrumental cover by The Piano Guys White and very light yellow, with drops of red, blue, and green falling here and there, making concentric circles in the white/yellow shapes.

Unfortunately that would be all for that story, because I usually put a single song on repeat until I’m done. x) So, another one...

This is what I’m trying to get the PWP I’ve been working on to look like. I think I might have mentioned it before? It’s the one that accidentally grew a bit of plot (and waaaaay too many words) and is set between 7x12 and 7x13.

For this one I have:

“Lovestoned”, cover by Kaki King Grey-ish yellow thin/translucent shapes moving in an almost mechanical rhythm over a dark green fading to black background.

“Places Through Which We Move”, by R. Lacy and J.A. Thomas Starts bright yellow, slowly fades into a light green, then keeps evolving into a light blue that darkens to royal blue, and then back to dark teal until the song is over, with white sparkles coming and going like sunlight reflecting on water.

Bonus: “Final Conversation”, by The Butterfly Effect

I almost didn’t add this one because the lyrics actually fit too much for this story, except not in the way they seem at first glance (it has nothing to do with Sherlock’s bruised feelings re: Jamie’s behaviour), and also it’s 100% a coincidence because as usual I didn’t initially listen to the lyrics. But since I had already shared “Waves” with you last time we talked music, I sort of owed you one more.

Free yourself And cut away these ties You can go anywhere now Be anyone you want to be

Just stay tonight and never leave 'Cause in the morning we're going home Just stay here

The night could fall all over me And when it's over just let me go The night could fall all over me 'Cause in the morning we're going home

#meme #synaesthesia #ship: shading & penmanship #thank you for the tag! #sorry for being rubbish at this and for my terrible terrible music tastes! D: #hope you at least get some entertainment from the pictures lol #anyway #'Final Conversation' would be Jamie's mindset at the start of the story #and what she tells Sherlock after she realises he's still alive #she's a mess lol #completely unrelated #one day I'll find a story to match Praan by Gary Schyman #solely because that song makes me happy #and my ships deserve happiness