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#people who encourage you to keep at stuff is where you find yourself most comfy
majorproblems77 · 2 months
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So I kept hearing about how art can be relaxing and stuff. Just messing with colours and such.
So blanket fort time today is art time and I found a water colour pallet to give it a go and god damn I wish my art teacher at school had actually encouraged me to keep going and trying cause this is fun.
I've just been swatching the paint but I'm enjoying it :)
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nightwishesworld · 3 years
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Food Poisoning
What’s that? I should be working on the 12+ asks in my inbox instead of doing my own stuff??? Whoopsie
In all fairness I’m not super proud of this anyway, so I guess it balances itself out
“It must have been quite the night for Daniela to be sleeping in this late,” you say over your morning coffee.
“Was it?” Cassandra, ever the lady, asked while a mouthful of breakfast. “I didn’t realize she went out to hunt.”
Bela nodded as she sipped her tea. “She looked a little worse for wear after dinner, don’t you think, Mother?”
“I noticed that as well, yes. I hope she’s not falling ill.”
“Wait, can vampires even get sick?”
“Not if they’re careful enough. But in short, yes, my dear, it is very possible. If our food is less than healthy when ingested we will get sick. Nothing major, rather similar to food poisoning in fact.”
“Ok, well should we go check your stocks? Maybe she ate something rancid.”
Alcina shook her head. “I’m sure she’s fine, y/n. It’s probably just one of those days for her. Besides, if she were ill that means all of us would be as well, and I don’t know about you girls, but I feel perfectly fine this morning.”
Both Cassandra and Bela nodded along.
“Unless she ate that weird guy she abducted from the bar. Maybe he wasn’t just drunk? He could have been sick. Also, I hate how blasé I’ve become to you guys eating people. You’ve officially numbed me.”
Alcina rolled her eyes at your dramatics while the girls giggled. “What are the odds of that, though? Consuming the only subject in the entire basement that hasn’t been thoroughly tested.”
You share a look with Bela and Cassandra. “You remember who we’re talking about, right Alcina?”
She exhales slowly, blowing tiny ripples on the surface of her wine. “Goddammit, I suppose I should go check on her.”
You already stood from your seat. “No, no you just sat down; I’ll go. What are the odds, anyway? Daniela is smarter than that.”
It was a short walk to Daniela’s chambers once you made it upstairs. You know you’re going to find her ill in bed, you just know it. The thrill of the kill makes her reckless even in the best of times. You know for a fact she devoured that weird old man the very night she dragged him home. Now your only hope is she’s not cursed with anything more than a stomach ache.
The putrid smell of stomach acid reeked even outside Daniela’s closed door. On instinct you wanted to rush in there and help her, but who’s to say she isn’t asleep? The smell could have been from last night and she was just too exhausted to clean it up before passing out. Not that that made you feel any better. Poor Daniela sicker than a dog all by herself with no one to hold her hair up or rub her back.
You steadied yourself enough to knock a couple of times before opening the door a crack. Just enough to be able to peek through.
“Daniela?” No answer.
It doesn’t look like she’s in bed either. Then you heard the retching. You wasted no time rushing in to find her hunched over a wastebasket on the floor. You gathered her hair away from her face, kneeled down next to her, and tried desperately to ignore the smell. The last thing needed is both of you throwing up.
“Are you alright, darling?”
It was a stupid question, but the words left your mouth before you could censor yourself. That didn’t stop the redhead from glaring up at you. Her eyes were glossy and red, probably from lack of sleep.
You waited a few minutes while her breathing steadied before letting go of her. “Will you be ok while I go get your mother?”
She gave a single nod.
You rush out of the room and head for the stairs. You consider rushing down and risk tripping over yourself but ultimately decide to tell for her.
“ALCINA!”
She was heading up the stairs almost immediately after you called like she was waiting for you to do so. “She’s retching on the floor.” Alcina sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I was really hoping you were wrong.” “Me too. What should we do?” Alcina opened the door to her daughter’s bedroom and immediately rushed to her side. “My poor darling, what happened?” All Daniela could bring herself to do was shake her head. Alcina kissed her temple. “I think that old drunk expired and no one told him.” That got a smile on Daniela’s lips. Alcina proceeded to wipe the dribbles of bile off her daughter’s lips with her dress. You entered the room but kept your distance from the pair. Both because you wanted to give them space and because the smell was making you nauseous. If it's making you feel sick then you can't imagine how crummy Daniela is feeling. "Why don't you bring her to our room and I'll clean this mess up."
"Don't worry about that, y/n. I'll deal with it later. Right now I need you to go tell Bela and Cassandra to ready themselves for a trip down to the village. I need the old witch to brew a few tonics for Daniela." You nodded quickly and start hurrying out of the room. "Make sure Bela brings her glass vials!"
The girls departed for the village with haste. They said it's been decades since any of them fell ill and any herbs or tonics they had laying around the castle would have lost their effect years ago. You panicked a bit when Cassandra asked what she should be asking the witch for cause you had absolutely no idea. Before you gave yourself a panic attack trig to figure it out, Bela reassured you she knew what to do. Some items could only be obtained from the witch's hut, which is where Cassandra was being sent, while others could be purchased in the village shops.
As soon as you saw them off you busied yourself with cleaning Daniela's room. It took a while, way longer than it should have, but it got done and that's all that matters. The smell was putrid enough standing in the doorway so being right in the middle of it made you really nauseous. Scrubbing the smell out of the wooden floorboards took up most of your morning, but making Daniela happy and comfortable was well worth the effort.
You rewarded yourself with a hot shower for your valiancy though. After you freshened up you found everyone curled up together in the library. Daniela was laying on her back, with her head resting on her mother's lap as she read a book. Bela was curled up in a ball next to Alcina while Cassandra laid stretched out on the floor with her chin resting on Alcina's knee. It was probably the cutest thing you've ever seen. Not wanting to ruin such a wholesome family interaction you quietly exited the library before any of them noticed you were there.
The next few days passed like this. Alcina was driving herself to exhaustion making sure Daniela was as comfortable as possible and you did the same to her in turn. The easiest way to get the matriarch to relax was by giving her a back massage. You straddled her bare back and slowly kneaded away at her aching muscles. Her occasional sounds of pleasure encourage your ministrations.
"How can one woman have so many knots?"
"I don't know; stress, work, lack of sleep, posture?"
You laugh. "Wasn't actually looking for an answer, Al. And don't try to tell me you haven't been sleeping. I haven't been sleeping because your snoring keeps waking me up."
Alcina turned to give you a look of disgust. "I do not snore."
"You do when you're stressed. Weirdest thing, by the way."
She opened her mouth to respond but only let out a pained hiss as you moved down to her shoulder blades.
"Too much?"
"No, just sore. You can keep going."
"Yeah, I can see that. I'm just trying to get your muscles to relax, nothing crazy."
Alcina sighs and relaxes back into the pillows.
"I'm gonna start going a little harder, ok? It's getting better, but try to not hold your breath if you can help it."
Alcina lets out a long exhale in submission. She hadn't even realized she was holding it in. The way you were moving your hands down her body made her cry out in a mixture of pain and pleasure.
"Sorry, Love."
"Don't worry about it, just keep going."
A comfortable silence passes between the two of you. Your mind wanders back to Daniela. It was surreal to see her moping around the castle.
"Do you think Daniela would like a backrub? I heard her say her body aches earlier."
"That's sweet though, my love, but let's just leave her be for now. I think she finally succumbed to the tonics."
"Ah, I understand. Is she feeling any better?"
Alcina shakes her head into the pillow. "Not yet, but the tonics are helping keep her stomach calm."
You feel the weight of an anvil release from your chest. "Thank the gods, I really don't want to clean up any more sick."
"No one told you to in the first place."
"I know. I just thought she would want to be comfy in her own room."
"I appreciate everything you're doing for her, y/n. Daniela does too, she's just not great at vocalizing it."
"She doesn't have to. I'll gladly take care of my family."
One night you come home from the village really late at night and come home to find Daniela snuggling with Alcina in bed. It’s the sweetest sight.
Alcina’s got an arm wrapped around Daniela’s middle, holding her close but not suffocatingly so. Daniela’s head is tucked under her mother’s chin, face buried in her neck.
You take in the sight before moving to give Alcina a kiss on the cheek (you would Daniela too but don’t want to wake her. She needs all the sleep she can get.) and move to leave for a guest bedroom just down the hall.
Alcina stirs and you apologize for waking her.
“I was only dozing,” she whispers.
“I’m sorry I’m so late. Mihaela was accepting drinks left and right, I had to make sure she got home safe.”
“How noble of you.” Alcina lets out a lion’s yawn.
“Go back to bed, Love. I’ll check on you both in the morning.”
“Daniela was waiting for you to come back, but fell asleep.” Alcina turned her attention back to her youngest daughter and kissed her sweaty temple.
“She feeling any better?”
“Her fever did go down a bit, so we’re on the road to recovery. A slow and winding road, but going in the right direction nonetheless.”
You sigh in relief. “Thank god. She was starting to really scare me. Do you think we should call that old bat up here to take a look at her? What if she doesn’t get better soon, then what?”
“But she is, darling. I just told you her fever is down. She still has a little bit of a fever, but progress is progress. In a few day's time, she will be much better.”
“You’re probably right,” you lean over Alcina and brush loose strands of hair out of Daniela’s face. “I just wish I could do more. I’d rather it be me instead of poor Daniela.”
“I’d rather it be neither of you,” Alcina mumbled.
“It’s just so scary to see her like this; so vulnerable and weak...”
“I’m not weak.” A groggy mumbling came from Alcina’s chest.
“Hey, Daniela, how are you feeling? Any better?”
The redhead nodded into her mother’s neck. “A little.”
“Good,” you smile. “You go back to sleep now, ok? I’ll come to check on you in the morning.”
“Wher’re you goin?”
“I’m gonna go sleep in a guest room so you can be with your mother.”
The hand wrapped around Alcina’s waist comes to grab your wrist. She said something but you couldn’t make it out. All you heard was muffled groaning.
“Don’t worry, Dani. This way you can have the whole side of the bed to yourself. I’ll come to check on you in the morning.”
She didn’t let go.
“Don’t you wanna be alone with your mother? I really don’t mind, Daniela, honestly.”
Daniela buried herself deeper under the covers. “You don’t understand. I-I want...both.”
“Both what?”
Daniela didn’t say anything. She only cuddled into Alcina’s chest.
Oh....OH!
You clamped a hand down on Alcina’s arm, unknowingly digging your nails into her skin.
“Are...are you sure, Dani?”
The redhead nodded into her mother, who then answered for her.
Your stomach fluttered with the wings of a thousand butterflies. Daniela never referred to you as a parental figure before, let alone call you her mother. “Alright then. If you’re sure that’s what you want.” You move to your side of the bed and crawled in, careful not to press against her too much.
Daniela lets put an irritated groan and reaches behind her to grab your arm and wrap it around herself. Yanking you against her along the way. She must be really sick. Since when did Daniela Dimitrescu demand cuddles? Especially from you. The only thing she ever demanded of you was to help her sharpen weapons or make up with Alcina after an argument.
She wriggled away from Alcina just enough to feel you behind her. She was still sandwiched pretty tight between the two of you, but if this is what she wants you aren’t complaining. She brought your hand up towards her chest so as to keep it away from her cramping stomach.
Her head was tucked in under your chin because you didn't want to breathe all over the back of her neck. Daniela was beyond glad you were still holding onto her, even though she would never say it out loud.
You made sure to tell her you would let go of her if cuddling got too hot, or cold, or stifling for her. The redhead groaned a response and nodded into Alcina’s chest.
Rather than having your arms wrapped around her, (that implied a certain amount of pressure) your arm was laying over her side and bent to her form without any sort of pressure so Daniela wouldn't feel trapped or constricted. Really more draped over her than wrapped around her.
But she was holding onto your forearm tight to keep you there even if she shifted somewhat frequently because she wanted you to stay.
“I’m sorry you have to feel like this, Daniela. I hope you start to feel better.” You threw caution to the wind and kissed the top of her head. To your surprise, Daniela cuddled further into you. It absolutely melted you.
You pepper her head with kisses. “My poor darling. I wish I could make it all go away.”
Alcina smiles warmly at the display as she repositions herself comfortably against the pillows. She leans forward to kiss the top of Daniela's head. "Promise me you'll wake us if you need anything?"
Daniela nods into her chest.
"Or if you can't fall asleep," you add.
Alcina leaned forward to kiss you goodnight, accidentally smothering her daughter in her chest. "Goodnight, my loves. Sleep well."
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blps · 3 years
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Are you having fun?
Pairing: Sakusa x reader
Genre: fluff! (And maybe also stranger to why am I stuck with you to oh nevermind I guess you are nice to hang out with to oh shit I think I caught feelings) anybody got a name for that trope??
Word count: ~2.6k
Summary: Your friend’s crush has four tickets to an amusment park, and so while your friend and her crush pratically abandons you with the none other than Sakusa Kiyomi
a/n: Wow thos is my longest fic, I think Sakusa is a bit ooc in this because of how fast he warms up to you but THIS IS FICTION SO WHO CARES haha ok anyways enjoy!
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You couldn’t believe you agreed to this. Currently in a car, hearing your friend besides you thanking you for tagging along and rambling about her perfect crush, you looked outside the window, thinking about how comfortable your bed was and how you wished you could have stayed in it.
But of course you had to agree to your friend’s offer. The pleading in their eyes made you feel guilty if you said no. She really liked him and you were pretty sure he did too. The both of them were just too shy to initiate the first move. So what could go wrong? Well the fact that you were going to arrive at 8am on a saturday morning was the problem.
And so with your little sleep hours you had, you encourage yourself to do this and make sure that your friend and her crush end up confessing by the end of the day.
One of your worries was the fourth person. Your friend informed you that you wouldn’t be third wheeling, another person would accompany you, wasn’t that wonderful? No. Doing first interactions with a new human being was nonexistent on your list of favourite things to do. Will you and them click off and could enjoy a day together? Or will it be awkward the whole time? What if you both will not get along? So many questions you weren’t so eager to find the answer.
Your friend parked the car, giving you a blinding smile as she got out of the car. You wanted to at least not ruin her first date so you switched your moody morning self to the ‘I totally want to socialise with you’ persona.
As you got out of the car, the sun warmed your skin from the fresh breeze of mornings. You walked behind your friend as you met with what would be the crush and your companion for the rest of the day.
Your partner for the day turned around, and you were just in awe of his beauty. He was tall, more than 6’. His dark hair curled nicely, perfectly framing his face. Well, the partial part you could see anyway as he was wearing a mask. But if that mask didn’t further accentuate his beauty then you didn’t know what else will. As you got closer, two beauty marks were more noticable and that was the last straw. He just took the prize for the most beautiful man effortlessly; it almost made you angry.
He introduced himself with the most soothing voice. You gathered yourself, not wanting to make him uncomfortable as you greeted him properly and his friend. The four of you then entered the amusement park, ready for a day of ups and downs.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You knew it would end up like this. As soon as your friend and her crush had a map of the place, they immediately left you and Sakusa alone.
It was silent between the two of you. Guess he wasn’t that much of a talker. You took a map for yourself. You were about to ask what he would like to do when his words cut the silence first.
“I’m not riding any roller coasters.”
Well, that was a really good start.
“May I ask why? Who would come to an amusement park and not try at least one rollercoaster?”, you replied.
“I hate germs and if you were aware, the seats are filled with strangers filth”, his eyes clearly judging you,” I’m sure you wouldn’t understand.”
Oh yeah his looks wouldn’t be able to save him now.
“Excuse me? Are you calling me unsanitary?”
“Considering how you touched the rotating metal bars with your bare hands at the entrance, I would agree. Do you even realise how many germs you just touched?”
His look of distaste was the only confirmation that he was in fact, a germaphobe. Great. Who would’ve guessed a germaphobe would be in an amusement park. You really hit the target for the least desirable person to spend a whole day with in your situation.
You sigh as you took your hand sanitiser from your bag and rubbed your hands vigorously, giving him the most infuriating glare you could do.
“Here”, you showed your hands to him,” there now should be 0.01% bacteria, if you don’t want to ride a rollercoaster, fine. At least let’s walk around and look for our friends since you wouldn’t gain more bacteria.”
You turned around, ready to do anything but be alone with the judging look all day. You should at least have a good time when you were forced out of your comfy bed to be here.
With your back turned to him and his face mask on, you wouldn’t have known of that tiny smirk on Sakusa’s lips.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Your plan didn’t go as well as you expected. You and Mr. Nofun were sitting as far away as you could from a bench. You were even surprised that he sat on it. Your friend ran along with your crush to who knows where and so you weren’t able to find her.
Silence once again ruled in the atmosphere. Only the faint sound of rollercoasters and people screaming were reaching your ears. You have texted your friend to meet up, you couldn’t handle being alone with him anytime longer. Maybe you should leave him. Why should you stay? You were fully capable of having a good time by yourself.
“I didn’t expect you to have a hand sanitizer with you.”
This was not the time.
“Why did you even come if you weren’t going to do anything? There really weren’t any more suitable candidates?”
You were both staring each other down, arguments ready to be unleashed when a new sound reached both of your ears.
The great rumbling of hungry stomachs.
Yours to be more precise.
Burying yourself deep in the ground was a very enticing idea right now, until Sakusa’s stomach joined in on the symphony of hunger.
With few words of agreement, you both went to find something to eat.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You were both eating, in silence once again. Sakusa finished his bite, and stared at you until your own eyes met his.
“No there weren’t any suitable candidates. No one wanted to spend a day with two lovers at an amusement park. And since I thought I would be alone, I planned to do nothing. I didn’t know you would be here.”
Your temper from earlier calmed down, you finished your bite as you answered back:
“Well fair enough but I still would like to enjoy myself you know? You're not the only one that is forced to be here. I didn’t even get to finnish my dream and next thing I know, I’m out of bed and onto one of the most social places you could be.”
Since his mask was off his face so he could eat, which was both a blessing and a curse, you were able to notice the small smirk forming.
“Well how about you do what you would like? Don’t bother about the others, enjoy your day.”
Well, maybe he wouldn’t be a pain after all.
“You have something stuck between your teeth.”
You spoke too soon.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Aside from his comments, it was actually going pretty well. You had participated in some mini activities and won some prizes. You had gained stuffed animals, a balloon, and more unnecessary gadgets. You wanted to at least try the haunted house but Sakusa refused to go in it.
You were currently in a ferris wheel for a little break, devouring a pink cotton candy while your now tolerable partner was doing his best in trying not to touch the metal security bar.
You let out a chuckle, the both of you arriving at the top.
“I’ll let you use my hand sanitizer. Just hold it if you want to feel secure”, your soft chuckle making his eyebrows furrow.
“It doesn’t work that way”
“Here take this”, you handed him your cotton candy as you searched your bag for your gloves,” here I had these gloves since we would stay to watch the fireworks and it would be pretty chilly at night.”
His eyes reflected surprise as you took your cotton candy back and handed him the gloves. You continued admiring the view and eating the sugar, oblivious to the man besides you who wanted to calm his heartbeat and the pink blossoming coloring his cheeks.
When you were back on the ground and walking around. You spotted one of your favourite activities yet so far. The prize was a living fish and you were just so excited to win one you grabbed Sakusa’s sleeve and dragged him eagerly to the stand.
Time flew by as well as your money. Your wallet couldn’t withstand another round. You just couldn’t beat the game and win the fish. Adding on to that, you felt Sakusa’s annoyance from your back facing him. He was probably tired of holding your stuff.
You accepted your defeat, ready to go, until you felt his presence besides you. His arm extended, cash on his hand.
“Another round please.” The host prepared the booth once again, happy with his earnings. Meanwhile, you prepared to not disappoint Sakusa, mentally forcing yourself to not screw this up. You looked over him, about to thank him. However, he only gave you your stuff back.
“You are so bad at this, let me just show you how it’s done”, his gentle eyes were locked with your surprised ones. It was different from the usual judgemental and disgusted look he had.
Before you knew it, he was facing you again, but this time, he held a plastic bag with a bright small orange fish swimming around.
“Shall we continue, the others are probably searching for us as well.” He kept on walking, not bothering to check if you were following him. Snapping out of your shocked state, you quickly catched up to him, thinking how to thank him.
“Um.. thanks, for winning the fish for me, I-“
“Oh I think you misunderstood,” he smirked, giving you a teasing look, “I won this fish. So I will be keeping it.”
Irritation washed over you. But before you could respond, your name was called out in the crowd. You saw your friend jogging towards you, hand in hand with her crush. At least this day was going well for one of you.
“I’m so glad we found you! We went to the randez-vous point you sent by text but you weren’t there-” She hugged you tight before whispering in your ear, “I’m sorry I didn’t see the text sooner,” before pulling away.
“We were going to our last roller coaster, if you guys want to join us. It’s getting dark anyways, better not be separated again.”
You glanced over at Sakusa, wondering if he was ok doing at least one. He reluctantly agreed, but made an effort nonetheless.
You were walking with your friend, a little behind the others so your conversation wouldn’t be heard.
“I hope you are at least enjoying yourself”, your friend looked at you with concerned eyes, waiting and searching for signs that you would like to leave, “I had a really good time so I wouldn’t mind if you would like to leave, I can drive you home.” You knew that if you felt uncomfortable in any way, she wouldn’t hesitate to take you home safely. However, you didn’t need to go home yet, you could continue a bit. 
You considered it. You really did. What was keeping you from leaving? Even if Sakusa was a pain, you somewhat enjoyed his company. No. That couldn’t be it. It must be something else. You convinced yourself that it must be the fireworks.
Ignoring your feelings, you reassured your friend that you were fine. You would enjoy the rest of the day for yourself, not letting anything, or anyone for that matter, to ruin it.
The four of you finally arrived at your final destination. Turns out that no feelings will be ignored. The roller coaster was a lover's tunnel. Guess who’s your partner.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
It was awkward. You and Sakusa were side by side on the swan shaped boat, not a word travelled between the two of you.
You were alone in the tunnel, the smooth warm lighting meant for couples not helping. If the situation couldn’t get more embarrassing, romantic music started to play and the both of you went stiff.
That was it. Better bicker about something else than being silent. Your heart beated frantically against your chest, a miracle it hasn’t bolted out and left you. You turned your face to face Sakusa, noticing the faint pink on his ears.
“So will you keep the fish?” You shouldn’t have talked, maybe it made matters worse. In this situation, perhaps it was better to keep silent and never speak of it again. But even if that was the case, you shouldn’t make a big deal out of it right?
You were certain you held no feelings for Sakusa. He was mean, teasing, insufferable, never having fun, a germ freak and handsome. Wait no, none of that attractiveness, when someone has an undesirable personality, they appear uglier. But was he really that unattractive or were you trying to convince yourself that even the idea of liking him was impossible. 
“I won it. Of course I’ll keep it”, he mumbled behind his mask. The atmosphere was falling once again in silence, besides the music playing.
You dug into your mind to find a new conversation. Or not. Maybe it was his way of wanting zero conversation. You hated this. Your mind was in total chaos and your heart was not stopping anytime soon, it only seemed to increase.
“I haven’t yet chosen a name though. If you want to help that is,” he was still averting his eyes, not completely facing your direction.
The rest of the ride continued with various propositions of names for the fish. And every single one of them ended either with a flat out ‘no’ or a mocking comment.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The sun was already setting, the night sky was ruling above as you sat besides Sakusa and your friend. You were waiting for the fireworks to begin, the final activity of the day. Finally this day seemed to stretch out forever. You were almost at your limit, the hours of sleep you skipped catching up on you.
Even at that, you couldn’t ignore that little sting in your heart at the realisation that this was probably the last day you would spend with Sakusa. He wasn’t the perfect choice, but he stayed by your side and let you have fun. The teasing was a bit annoying, but you enjoyed the insignificant bicker. Maybe if you had more time would you warm up to him. You wanted to continue spending time with him.
Your doubts were invading your mind. Perhaps Sakusa didn’t want to see you again. After all he was mean to you from the start. Did he enjoy your company? He did follow your lead all day. If he didn’t like you, wouldn’t he just go his seperate way?
“Did you have fun?” His question surprised you. You were captivated by his eyes. They didn’t hold the usual teasing look he gave you. You couldn’t quite decipher it, but they held something different this time. But you agreed. You did have fun today.
You knew he was smiling behind his mask. He looked like he wanted to say something,but your moment was interrupted by the loud noises in the sky.
In all but a few moments, Sakusa felt a weight drop on his shoulder. He stiffened, glancing down at your sleeping form. He was surprised you could sleep with all that noise. Your features were peaceful with the colored light illuminating your face.
He let you sleep, not wanting to disrupt your slumber. He had to admit to himself, he did have fun today too.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You woke up in your bed, your mind still urging you to continue to sleep. However you were distracted by the text you received from an unknown number. An image attached to it of an aquarium and a familiar looking fish in it.
Unknown number
We still haven’t found a name
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a/n: Thank you so much for reading until the end!
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cotccotc · 3 years
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SKZ REACT to...
 ✰ you coming out PART 2 !!
part of my eight as fate event !! ( requested by anon ♡ )
genre/s: ot8 reaction headcanon, gn reader, platonic, fluff & humor
wc: ~1.3k
warning/s: descriptions of coming out as non-binary, brief mentions of gender dysphoria, my dumb commentary once again (hehe), these are just my opinions and ideas !!
a/n: i reference the first version of this reaction a few times and i recommend reading it first !! i got some really sweet responses to the original so i hope y’all like this one too :) OH ALSO i should mention that i decided to make it platonic since i found that easier and more natural to write.
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✰ CHAN
i feel like even if he already knows a bunch about gender identity, non-binary and genderqueer people, dysphoria, pronouns, etc. he would definitely enjoy you giving him a full rundown on it !! and specifically what your interpretation is and how you identify
BEST LISTENER EVER !!!
do you remember that vlive where felix is talking and chan’s just sitting back and looking at felix with immense amounts of love in his eyes? yeah…
he’d be so. incredibly. proud. of you.
idk why the chan portions of these reactions have both been super sappy but anyways-
he’d be very dedicated to using your preferred pronouns and finding new ways to compliment you !!!
his google search history would most definitely include “genderless adjectives” and “enby dad jokes” and he’d keep a running list on his phone
chan: “what do you say when your non-binary friend is sad?”
you: [dead silence]
chan: “their, their....” [giggles]
KSDFJ
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✰ MINHO
my first thought is that he’d be the type to ask for your new pronouns and immediately use them in a sentence.
for instance, say your new pronouns were xe/xem. he’d immediately say, “well, i’m very proud of my y/n, and i love xem very much.”
so then i’d start crying in the background.. blah blah blah omniscient narrator struggles :’)
i can’t see him being anything but casual and accepting !!
if you want to talk about things, he’ll most definitely let you, but if you don’t want to he won’t push.
but regardless, he just wants you to know he supports you in whatever way he can.
would also politely correct people if they misgender you in public !!! he wants you to feel safe !!!!!
i saw him as a wingman in the other reaction but in this context he’d definitely serve as your personal information pamphlet for people who you might not know too well.
random person: “what exactly does that mean?”
you: “it-”
minho: “WELL ACTUALLY-”
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✰ CHANGBIN
just like in the first version, he’d get pretty emotional !!
i think he would really sympathize with you even though he can’t fully understand what you had to deal with externally or emotionally.
honestly that would probably make him even MORE emotional.
the fact that he can’t fully relate to those complex feelings would really tug at his heartstrings as he listens to you speak. he really wishes he could understand your struggles more, and maybe even take on the burden for you.
but let’s get less emo, shall we?
ok picture something with me bestie:
first, he casually refers to you using your new pronouns in a group conversation.
next, after the topic changes in the conversation, you look at him while the others continue talking.
this mf WINKS and flashes you the silliest smirk
you let out a little chuckle and you both continue on in the conversation
[end scene]
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH anyways-
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✰ HYUNJIN
i feel like he might question his own gender identity a little as well sometimes, especially due to what people say online (like calling him “pretty”, the edits some people make, praising him for breaking stereotypes, etc.)
so, he probably understands a bit deeper than some of the other members might.
in that same vein, i think it might make him a little bit emotional to hear your story !!
over the years, i think it’s plain to see that he’s become more comfortable with expressing his more feminine attributes, which has always comforted you as his friend.
he understands the feeling of being uncomfortable with the gender roles one is expected to follow, so he empathizes with you.
in terms of his actual first reaction, i think it would be pretty similar to what i suggested in the other version of this.
(my bias is showing but oH MY GOSH I STILL THINK THIS WOULD BE SO CUTE-)
“woo~” *insert little jazz hands here*
[cries] anyways-
you feel really comfortable coming to him with this, and you’re happy when you do !!
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✰ JISUNG
maybe it’s because i’ve seen tweets about it, but i feel like this dude knows everything there is to know about modern gender identity topics and neopronouns and stuff
after the initial awkwardness of the conversation (and a big supportive hug ofc) he’d be stoked to talk about it !!
would ask for your pronouns right away !!! he might also do the thing where he uses them in a sentence.
“y/n !!! ze’s so cool !!!!!!!”
i think if he saw someone misgender you (by accident) he wouldn’t correct them for you out of in-the-moment nerves, but he’d be very proud of you if you do it yourself !!
might buy you a snack afterward tbh
but if HE ever misgenders you OHHHHH goodness gracious
HE WOULD FEEL SOOO BAD AH
EVEN IF IT’S LIKE.. THE NEXT DAY
he’d get so very embarrassed and apologetic SDKFJ you’d have to really assure him that it’s not that big of a deal since he’s still adjusting to things, but he’d still feel like he has to make it up to you in some way
would probably buy you snacks again LMAO
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✰ FELIX
i think he would be really excited !!
we know felix really loves and is passionate about androgynous/genderless forms of expression, especially in regard to appearance, so he’d probably really enjoy talking about gender and stereotypes with you !!
(if you’re comfy with it, ofc)
honestly, felix would be really encouraging and would help you gain more confidence !!!!!
if you ever feel like trying out a new look, he’d be like “OK BESTIE LET’S GO SHOPPING”
tbh he’d probably try it out with you !! or if you hang out often, he’d probably subconsciously start finding inspiration in your style and adopt it a bit himself
on days where you feel a bit down for whatever reason, especially in regard to dysphoria, his first instinct would be to cheer you up by reminding you how unique and cool you are.
and it’s not just because you’re nonbinary but also because you’re just a super cool person !!!!!!!!!! and i think so too !!!!!!!!!!!! never forget it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so overall, i feel like felix wouldn’t be very hard to come out to once you get over your initial nerves, and the end result would be super fun :D
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✰ SEUNGMIN
i think his initial reaction would be pretty similar to chan’s !!
he also seems like the type to be super, super diligent with adjusting to whatever pronouns you feel comfortable using or words you’re okay with him using to refer to you.
(maybe it’s because we know he was a good student and he’s diligent with practicing his english. training his brain to correct itself would be like studying for him lol)
for example, instead of calling you “pretty” or “handsome,” he might even try simply pointing out a part of your appearance that he thinks looks especially great !! something like your eyes, your hair, your outfit, etc.
your hair looks great today, btw. anyways-
aside from that, i think he would just try to be as courteous as possible without making a big deal out of things.
and if he ever slips up with your pronouns, descriptors, etc, he’d be super quick to apologize and correct himself before keeping the conversation going like normal !!
there’s just generally a lot of mutual respect all around :)
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✰ JEONGIN
this is somewhat similar to my other version of this reaction, but i think he’d just be really intrigued and a little shocked
IDK WHY I KEEP THINKING HIS ABILITY TO GAUGE THESE THINGS IS SO BAD DKFJ every time i think about someone coming out to him i just can’t help but picture him being like “reaLLY??? since WHEN”
still, something deep within my soul is telling me that jeongin would truly think you’re the coolest person on the planet.
being as he can’t personally relate to this, jeongin would be pretty psyched to hear about your journey to finding out !! kinda the opposite reaction to changbin lol
honestly he’d be a super good listener !!!!
he’d hear you out for however long you explain things to him, and if you ever get a bit emotional, he might smile at you or reach out to hold your hand :’) or both :’’’’’)
then, when you tell him your preferred pronouns he’s like “oH okay !! coOL !!!” lmao
so, he understands the concept and is super happy for you but he just didn’t really expect it !!
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tags: @stayndays​, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino​, @freckledberries​,@kisskissbanggang​, @mr-jisung-main​, @childofthecosmos​,@kpopscape​, @skzwriternet​, @hyunsins​, @sleepylixie​, @sunshine-skz​, @vera-liscious​, @moonlit-lixie​, @thatrandomoneinthecorner​, @sunshine-skz​ ( join my tag list !! )
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Demon Brothers + Diavolo Doing Dance Workouts With S/O
Okay, so!  On my journey on getting slimmer, healthier and fitter, I’ve been doing Chloe Ting’s workout programs, all free, all really nice to get yourself started and feel a sense of accomplishment. However, I randomly found some pretty neat dance workouts, especially Pamela Reif’s, and I’m in love with the songs she uses, going as far as to make one with only 80s songs, and she included a-Ha’s Take me on, and ahhhh, resonates with my heart so much! Hope you’ll like this little piece of crack and cutesy stuff <3
Lucifer
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Lucifer, while yes, he has an amazing body, he seems rather insecure about it, going as far as to use a spell so nobody in his own family would remember how he looked at the beach, so it’s nothing shocking to know that he doesn’t like to exercise when others are around.
However, when he saw how excited you were finding an interesting routine that combined the fun of dancing with workout, he couldn’t refuse you, despite his fear of embarrassing himself or looking less than proper.
Seeing how much fun you’re having, not caring that your face is red, you’re sweating like crazy, and you’re dying of exhaustion, the fact that the songs are good and the workout is pretty refreshing, he feels himself unable to resist smiling at you, and little by little, allowing himself to let loose a bit.
He is a great dancer, we all know it, so he goes all in with all the moves, no matter how sexy or silly, and he LIVES for the way you cheer for him and say how amazing he his.
Poor Luci is going to blush, unable to contain how much you’re boosting his ego and self-confidence.
Clearly, he won’t do any of that around any of his brothers, and will be extra careful so that nobody, especially Diavolo, catched him while he’s dance-working out with you, in fear of them using it as black-mail, posting it on DevilGram or just keeping the content for the future.
Mammon
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Mammon frequently workouts because he wants to make sure his body looks good ( he is highly insecure about himself, so he thinks that at least his body should be good, if not him as a person, poor baby ), and he definitely loves having fun at the club, so if you can combine the two things he loves so much, he’s down for anything!
When you told him about your wish to start working out, while doing something fun, because the past routines became a little boring, he asked if you wanted to workout with him.
He was very shy and sweet about asking you that, because he knows that if you used to be sedentary and suddenly decided to workout, he believed it had something to do with insecurities, and he knew very well how anxious and nervous one could be when someone else is in the room with you.
When you accept the idea, he is over the moon with glee, and will find the most fun and cool workouts that the both of you can do together.
You will get tons of cheers and encouragements from Mammon, since he genuinely wants you to be the best version of yourself and learn how to love yourself and who you are, and if working out is going to do the trick, he is going to be a dancing clown for you without a single doubt.
The fact that you’re vibing so much, smiling, despite how difficult and tiring dancing could be, makes his heart melt, because you are so beautiful when you are happy, and he’s just...SO thrilled that he can help you in your journey of self-love.
Leviathan
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It’s pretty canon that Levi doesn’t really do anything physically exhausting, only working out when he feels like it, over DevilTube videos, but nothing too exhausting.
Well, unless he wants to learn a new idol or anime dance routine, which is where he goes all in with no regret, not giving a damn about how he can barely stand on his feet, or that he’s sweating a lake.
One day, Levi was playing video games on the console, and you were searching random videos on his Laptop’s DT, and you found some pretty fun dance-workout routines that you wanted to try out.
Realising that they were already viewed, and that Levi was playing a single-player game, you crawled over to him, telling him to stop the game for a second and asking him about them, then suggesting doing some together.
When he heard about you finding about about you wanting to workout out with him, he started blushing furiously, thinking of the worst, until he realised that it meant you would basically learnt he same idol dances he knows, and you could do fun cosplay skits and karaoke, and you would actually know what he’s ranting about, he was in his working out clothes in a beat!
He was so excited and eager to teach you everything he knows, imagining how awesome you would be as a performing duo on a stage, dressed up super flashy and having so much fun while the crowd was cheering wildly.
Levi did ask in the end, albeit veeeery timidly, if you wanted to perform an idol routine with him in his own room, as he has all the best high-tech stuff to make his room look like an idol concert club, and he has the cosplay-making skills, so when you accept, he’s gonna faint from happiness.
Satan
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He’s not too shy about working out - He knows he has to balance a working out, eating and studying to have a healthy life-style, so he does at least the bare minimum to keep himself fit.
Satan isn’t the type to tell you what to do, but somehow, the more you stay with him, the more his habits stick to you, so out of the blue, you find yourself doing random, low-maintenance exercises with him...Sometimes while he’s still reading, and you still can’t tell how he can do that.
From the many people he’s acquainted with, he hears about some succubi doing dance-workouts that are pretty entertaining and give you good vibes, so he asked you if you wanted to check out some routines, and choosing the songs you like together, you start doing dance-routines.
Surprise, surprise, it’s actually super fun, and the succubi are great dance teachers, so you and Satan try to sing some of the lyrics, when you’re not too exhausted and panting, or when the song is just too good.
It’s always been obvious that Satan is the domestic type, loving to do any sort of activity with you by your side, or just staying in the same room, or cuddling, doing completely separate things, and enjoying each other’s presence, so dancing together with you was real fun with him, especially because he didn’t have to be proper in any way or put appearances, as he does when outside of his room.
Satan would definitely ask to do more fun activities with you, including maybe supervised mountain climbing, horse-riding, swimming, painting, taking care of animals at the shelters and many other things you’re both into, or want to try new experiences.
Asmodeus
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I already believe that Asmo does some kind of yoga and pilates daily - Not for a long time, but just what’s necessary - to keep himself healthy and in a great, lean shape, because having a healthy lifestyle means your skin is going to be beautiful and have that natural glow, so of course he’s gonna do anything to keep that up with minimum sweat required.
If he has a gig up, like modeling on a catwalk, a photoshoot, or some kind of important event, he’s going to do a shit ton of Aerobics and Zumba, maybe even Kangoo Jump for as little as a week and as long as a month or so, because he has to be perfect - As if he isn’t already, but still!
Since we already know he’s the kind to love going to the club and dancing, when you go to him, telling him about the new workout routine you started, since you were a bit bored of Asmo’s chill yoga routines, he was excited to see you trying out new things out of your own volition.
He will try to fish for all your favourite songs and get some succubi to come up with lit dance workout videos so you could both to them together and have fun, because obviously, he wants you to enjoy your favourite songs, and will do anything in his power to make that happen!
Of course, before you start working out, he will drag you to all the best sports shops and try out tons of outfits, and you’ll get matching ones - Comfy and Practical, but make it Fashion!
I’m pretty sure he won’t take it 100% seriously, and he’ll be all party and fun, singing the song out loud, taking your hands and doing random moves that aren’t in the routine, like spinning you or dipping you low, and of course, the occasional kiss-steals won’t be lost in the party, and you’re too adorable to resist.
Beelzebub
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Well, this guy does heavy workouts, including weight-lifting and practices for his club activities, like Fangol, which is similar to American Football, which is very...Very Beel, to say the least.
He never pushes you to workout with him, but he did mention that if you ever want to use the gym and be alone, he will make sure nobody bothers you, but if you are in need of an instructor, he would volunteer to help you, despite going softer on you and giving you so many breaks, because you are a cute, little, frail human who doesn’t eat enough.
One day, he heard from Asmo about this super fun and accessible dance workouts, and he thought it would be nice to recommend to you, so he will ask all the details, along with some DevilTube links to such videos, and when you are next together, alone, he will tell you all about it.
As soon as he sees how enthusiastic you are about it, and you even asked him to join you, he will agree without a second thought.
Until he realises that he is so big and bulky that he basically has the grace of a wooden nightstand.
It doesn’t stop him from having fun and enjoying his time of bonding with you, obviously! He will do anything you want, as long as you’re having fun and smiling the way you’re doing now.
Not to mention, it’s pretty refreshing seeing you dance with no inhibitions, just throwing around your limbs and shaking your body like you’re free as a bird.
This is the type of life he wants to live - Fun, happy and chill with his loved ones.
Belphie
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No matter how much of a damn sloth he is, you just CAN’T tell me this guy doesn’t do something like Yoga, Pilates or freaking Ballet, considering the moves his busts during does damned dance battles!
He clearly won’t ever ask you to dance or workout with him, because he has a reputation to uphold, he is the Avatar of Sloth, after all, and he can sleep everywhere, as long as he has that fluffy cow-patterned pillow to sleep on.
But one day, you barge into his room, all excited to tell him the newest gossip...Only to see him with music at max volume and following some random choreography, and you just look at him with that meme pikachu shocked face.
Belphie glared at you as bad as the day he killed you, while also blushing like crazy, because damn it, only Beel was supposed to know his secret!
You then grin at him mischievously, hugging his neck and asking if he wants to do dance-workout routines together, and he refuses at first...And second and third and hundredth, but in the end, he will give in, and you will dance together.
Sometimes, he will suggest the dance workouts with a partner, just so he could have a reason to be closer to you, lazily peck your lips, cheeks or forehead, while also being able to do romantic moves...Even if the song is romantic or has seductive moves or not.
It could be some weird country song about how cute horses and cows are, and he would still do something super cute.
And of course, after a well-deserved shower, a loooong cuddle and sleep session together, in his bed, is going to happen.
Diavolo
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This is a bit of a spoiler for the lessons 26-29, but I believe Diavolo is feeling pretty lonely and cast out from the group, and he’s like a sad golden retriever who wants some attention and affection, so as soon as you realise that, you start going to him to talk about random things, send him cute messages, stickers, gossips, selfies, pics with things you found awesome or cool, and he super appreciates it, he’s so happy!
This made you start bonding and go out, spending time together, so you then explain to him about human habits, memes, vines, TikToks, fandoms, trends, fandoms, ideas and all the ape shit things you could come up with, like a grandpa trying to be hip with his grandkids, but he ends up so cringe and overly exaggerated that he’s super adorable.
And that includes the dabs and Egyptian dance moves he pulls in the dance battles.
Now, you don’t get those damned arms, abs and pecs (man boobs) without some effort, he clearly works out quite a lot, as often as he can, so one day, when he was searching around random things on YouTube, on his new human laptop, and he finds some women doing some super entertaining dancing workout routines, and he is so enthusiastic about it, that he called you over and showed you those vids.
Grinning at how excited and curious he is about your world, and since you already knew about them and did some in the past, you see that his eyes were wide and expecting, wanting to try it together...So you suggested it, and he was so cheerful!
Dia has Barbatos get you both some super cute matching workout outfits, and together, you start jamming in his huge room, not before you reminded him that this is more for fun, and he should just enjoy it and not take it too seriously, and he was over the moon, especially since you were there to share his enthusiasm.
Needless to say, neither of you had your cheerfulness and grins wiped from your faces for a long time, and Dia got to find out some lit human songs! 
Yay!
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woogyu · 3 years
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A World Tinted Gold | Mingyu; Chapter One
Kalon; beauty that is more than skin-deep
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streamer!y/n x werewolf!mingyu
notes; werewolf au, this is mostly just setting everything up, i’ve got BIG PLANS
word count; 1617
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summary; The only werewolves you encountered were the ones living inside your video games. They were nothing more to you than mythical creatures you often had to kill in order to complete objectives. You had a good thing going with your online gaming setup. Your supporters were kind and usually tipped well during streams. Sure it meant you had to deal with the occasional creep sliding into your DMs, but it was worth it. Playing games online was putting you through college. Little did you know your quiet life was about to be turned upside down at the hands of someone you didn’t think existed outside of the virtual world.
»»————- ♡ ————-««
** y/g/n = your gamer name
“Okay I’ve died like 18 times now, I think it’s time for me to give up” you said, looking in the monitor to see you friend, and fellow streamer, chucking softly. “C’mon, you’ve just been unlucky, let’s play a few more rounds” Ciri told you as she ran around completing tasks. You peaked down to take a look at the comments, smiling when you saw a lot of them were encouraging you to stay.
“Thanks everyone in the comments, and fine I’ll hang around for a few more” you said with a bright smile. This was the life of being an online gaming streamer. Smiling for the cameras and trying out different games. A lot of the time it was just trying to keep up with what was popular, right now it seemed to be Among Us. The game itself was fun enough, but you grew bored of it quick.
“Ciri, how is it that you’ve gotten imposter like 3 times in a row now” you groaned, shifting your headset a bit as you got ready for another game. “Life of a Witcher my dear y/g/n” she commented back in a fake accent. The two of you spent the next hour playing, it mostly consisted of Ciri whooping your ass. You made sure to thank new subscribers and people who donated as you went along.
“We had almost 20 thousand people tuned in for that one” Ciri told you after the steam had ended, the two of you having your normal video chat wrap up. You weren’t always the popular stream y/n, you started off making less than perfect videos for a handful of people and grew from there. Your channel grew a lot when you found the other girls. You, Ciri, Mimi, Cat and Maia were a group that the internet liked to call the ‘Gamer Gurlzz’. After the five of you started streaming together, viewership increased a lot. You comment section was often filled with a lot of higkey creepy dudes, but they were also the ones that tipped the best. You could handle some weird comments if it got you through college.
“Wow, that’s quite a big jump from last time” you commented with a low whistle, moving to put your gaming equipment away. “I’ll edit the stream so we can each upload it to the YouTube channel too” Ciri said, typing away one her keyboard. You smiled, it was Ciri’s idea to start the Gamer Gurlzz YouTube channel, a place for the five of you to upload edited streams and other extra content. “My dedicated little Witcher” you commented with a bright grin, earning a glare from the girl on the other side of the camera.
“We should start filming more vlog like content for the channel, people seemed to be really into it. They like the whole ‘getting to know us’ aspect of it I guess” Ciri explained, slipping her glasses on as she peered at the screen. You know that without Ciri both you and the other girls wouldn’t be nearly as popular as you are now. She was the brains of all of this, followed the numbers and helped guide your content. “Hmmm, of course they like that” you murmured, grabbing a make-up wipe and beginning to cleanse your face. You like streaming when it just involved gaming, when you just went by the fake name you created for your channel, y/g/n. You didn’t like the idea of random people on the internet knowing more about who you actually were, you wanted to keep some privacy.
“As long as we are careful about it, we should be okay” Ciri said slowly, understanding why you were worried. “I just don’t want people to start showing up where I shop and stuff. Remember how bad it was when someone leaked Maia’s hometown. She could barely leave her apartment without getting swarmed” you shivered, the memory not one you were eager to replicate. “I promise I’ll edit out or blur anything that could be revealing” Ciri said softly, not wanting to put any of her friends in danger.
“Thanks C, you’re really MVP of this team you know” you told her with a smile. Not only was she the most reliable co-worker you had, she was your best friend, you would trust her with anything. “Yeah yeah y/n, now isn’t it late there, go to bed” she urged you, rolling her eyes as she sat back in her chair. You hummed as you checked the clock, time zones made it difficult to set up streaming times with the other girls. “It’s 2am, I probably should head to bed” you said yawning, collecting your hair up in a ponytail. “Night babe, I’ll have it uploaded by the time you wake up” she said, blowing a kiss at the camera before hanging up. Ciri always had a way of making you feel better, like everything would actually be okay. You really trusted her to make sure that it was.
»»————- ♡ ————-««
The next morning you logged on to see that Ciri had uploaded the video and it had gained quite a few views in the short time it had been up. People were talking about it all over social media, which would be good publicity for your solo stream later today. Picking up your phone you quickly made a quick tweet about the stream to remind everyone:
Morning everyone! Thanks for all the support you showed me and @WithcherCiri last night. I have a solo stream later on today starting at 1pm, I’ll be playing some Genshin Impact and chatting with you all!
After pressing the send button, you set your phone down and hopped into the shower. You liked to alter your appearance a little bit for streams, mainly so that without the hair and make-up you could usually walk around without getting noticed. So far it had worked pretty well, which you were grateful for. After getting ready and slipping into something comfy, you slipped your headset on and began checking your equipment. Your tweet from earlier had gained a lot of positive attention, so you were eager to see how this stream would go.
»»————- ♡ ————-««
As it got closer to 1pm you began setting up, checking your lighting and getting ready. After pressing start you waited a few seconds before greeting the viewers with a bright smile and a small wave. “Hey everyone! Thanks for stopping by today” you said cheerfully, reading some of the comments before you started to play. There were a few usernames that always stood out to you, people who had been supporting you since the very beginning that were still around today. One of the ones that never missed a steam and was always active in the chat was someone who went by @gyu_97. You obviously didn’t know who they were, but you were always grateful for people who had been supporting you for a long time.
“Gyu_97 asked if I prefer cats or dogs? Definitely dogs” you said with a laugh, you couldn’t help but search for their comments sometimes. It was almost like seeing a familiar face in the crowd. “why? Oh well, I don’t know, I’ve always really loved big fluffy dogs. They are so warm and cuddly” you said with a giggle, answering a few other questions before turning to the game. You streamed for longer than you usually did, but you couldn’t help it, the crowd was really engaging today and fun to be around. You didn’t have any creeps commenting about your body or anyone talking trash, it was a really positive stream.
“I should probably go make something to eat” you told the camera as it neared 3pm, your stomach grumbling in protest of the lack of food. “I forgot to eat lunch this morning” you explained with a short laugh. “Don’t worry, the girls and I will be on tomorrow night for our regular weekly stream, so you’ll see me there. Thank you everyone for hanging out with me on this long stream today” you ended the video with a smile and a wave. Once the camera was off you collapsed back into your chair, rubbing your shoulders as you relaxed for the first time in two and a half hours.
“Right… food” you mumbled to yourself, standing up and heading toward the kitchen, you could deal with your equipment later on. A lot of people liked to tell you that being a stream online wasn’t a ‘real job’, but they didn’t know the amount of work that went into it. Each stream took up one to two hours of your time on average, and then there was all the time spent setting up and planning what you would play next. It was a full-time job that often had you working long days and sometimes even longer nights. You really didn’t mind, you enjoyed doing it and were thankful for the opportunity to do so. You just hated when people treated it like it was some easy hobby.
The rest of your night was spent editing your earlier stream so Ciri could upload it to YouTube and planning out the rest of your month. You email was a beat you weren’t quite ready to tackle after a long day; you were just eager to go get a bath and lie down for a while. Ever since you turned gaming into a form of income you never really played for pleasure anymore, it was something you really wished could change, but you could never find the energy to do so. Maybe someday you would rediscover the fun you used to have with playing games, but you didn’t see that happening any time soon.
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malereader-inserts · 4 years
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Weathering Our Feelings
Fandom: Avengers Pairing: Tony Stark & Male Reader Summary: You often describe what you’re feeling in terms of weathers. Word Count: 1,107 Warning: Anxiety, Depression, talks of suicide, shitty metaphors - no the reader is not colour blind. A/n: My heart is heavy, my shoulders are tired and I want the world to continue without me - Tony is really my safe character to write about sad stuff.
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There are days that a greyer than most. 
You feel like you’ve been living in a world of grey and there will be no sign of colour soon. The world continues to spin, the days shift to nights, it feels like you’ve been living life on autopilot. Most days you find yourself in bed, wrapped up in your duvet. Sometimes you check your social media, others you stare at the wall. 
A horrible feeling of not realising that you’re a human being. You forget to eat, or purposely don’t eat because that requires a lot of energy, and frankly, you don’t have enough. Showers are exhausting, the state of your room was to the point that you questioned if there was a floor, hoping that if you decided to leave you bed, the floor will engulf you whole and never spit you back into the land of the living.
Some days, there felt like hurricanes, the anxiety building up in you, escalating to tornadoes. The rapid feeling never washing away and the burning sensation of panic scarring your insides. There are days that feel like it’s hailing, the stones crashing against your skin - painful, reminding when your depression was at it’s worst. Then there’s the rainy days, those where you feel at most numb to the world.
So, disconnected. 
Tony is by your side. Whenever you decided to get up and shower, brush your teeth and change clothes - he’ll send you an uplifting smile. Nodding and praising you, “Nice one bud!”
He means well because you always seem to beam at his encouragement. Tony makes sure you eat, he delivers food at your door, leaving it on a tray at the base of your door. Knocking and leaving, you wait for a bit to retrieve it because you don’t want to be seen by anyone. You eat a bit, sometimes half, on better days more than a half, rarer days Tony finds an empty plate at the tray.
“Hey, glad you’re eating,” He would say at the door sometimes.
“Proud of you,” can be often uttered by him.
“You did the best today, you know?” 
It’s the little things that he said to you. Sometimes, you see or feel his presence at the other side of the door - and amidst the shades of grey in your life, he was a shining gold. You know that he make sure Friday checks up on you, every now and then, but that he would take minutes of his day just to come to your door was sweet.
“You’re amazing, (Y/n),” Tony says, “Absolutely brilliant.”
One day, Tony found your door slightly ajar. He didn’t know what to do, staying on the other side he was thinking of what to say, something to hopefully cheer you up. 
“Hi Tony,” You murmured, you had been waiting for him.
You sat next to your open door, a travelling pillow around your neck as you sat in your joggers and a hoodie. Tony looked down to see you slightly, he smiles to himself and sat himself down to get a better view of you. Getting comfy and leaving a good amount of space between you two so he didn’t feel like he was intruding your safe bubble.
“Hey, kid,” Tony answered, his back leaning against the wall, looking at you momentarily, “Any reason why you’re at the door?”
“Wanted to talk to you.”
Tony smiles softly, nodding, “What do you want to talk about?”
So, he listens, and he talks. Anything to keep you distracted from your sadness festering within you. He sees a garden of potential in you, but there are too many rainy days and storms that destroy the flowers within - destroyed and barely growing to be alive. But, there is one plant within the garden of yours, that Tony knows can endure all the hurt the weather can come to.
It’s that fraction of hope to other plants and flowers, hope that there will day that they have time to strive for the sun. Tony knows what you feel, he spent days, weeks, alone with his thoughts - he doesn’t want you to think you’re alone. His words might come out the wrong way but at least it’s a break from your thoughts.
It interrupts what you’re thinking when you hear his voice, bring you back to reality. Bringing back that you are just human, a human with power, but human nevertheless. 
“There will always be a battle between the man I am and the man I need to be,” You softly confessed, “There are days where I just want to give up, but other days, I hear your voice and think to myself. That is a man I want to see myself grow into.”
“I’m not-” Tony was taken back with your words, looking at you - a young adult man, lost in a cruel world, “Why me?”
“Because,” You shrugged your shoulders, “I grew up looking at a selfish prick of a billionaire. I became friends with a selfless man who put himself last on the list of priorities. You grew, you learnt, you became better, and for that - it’s admirable.”
“You’re pretty admirable too, (Y/n).”
You snorted, it’s been a while since Tony heard that from you as you looked at him unconvincingly, “How so?”
“You’re brave. You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before,” Tony looks at your tired eyes, “It’s admirable because every day you continue a fight.”
There was silence between you two.
“I don’t want to die, you know?” You continued after the beat of silence, “I just want to, I don’t know, feel better? Feel fine. I know life is so fucking precious, and I’m too much of a coward to even attempt-.”
“Is that how you really feel?” Tony asked, interrupting as you lock eyes before you sighed in defeat, casting your eyes to your lap.
“I once heard that there are people with cancer who doesn’t have the choice to live, and for me to take my life away seems so selfish when people cannot prevent themselves from dying. A new perspective.”
“You know we’re here for you,” Tony continues, nodding, understanding your reply, “I know there are days for you that get up to blizzards and hurricanes, but, when you’re ready - we’re here, and we aren’t going anywhere.”
“You really mean that?”
“Every word.”
“Every word?”
“Every word.”
You looked at Tony, there was gentleness behind his concern. There was something about him, and that his burst of gold really did stand out in a world of grey to you. 
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dbtskills · 5 years
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Psychiatric Hospitalization 101
So you’re about to save your own life by going to the hospital- here’s what you need to know:
~disclaimer: I am not a healthcare professional nor have I worked in a hospital. I am simply someone who has been hospitalized multiple times. This is about acute, short-term psych hospitalization. My word is not law~
The Truth
First off, let me tell you the truth. The truth is that being hospitalized is one of the bravest things you can do. You have chosen (or perhaps you haven’t) to save your own life. Not to beat the physical vs mental illness comparison to death, but conceptually this is like going to the hospital with a broken leg to get a cast. You’re treating an acute wound, going to get a tune up, going to a safe place to heal. Unfortunately there is a stigma involved. It’s been decreasing recently and I think you’ll find psych hospitalization is a lot more common than you imagine. But it still exists. You can be proud of taking this step. It will be hard, but you’ve made the right choice.
When to consider hospitalization
Being suicidal is one of the most common reasons for hospitalization. Psychosis, panic attacks, and substance abuse are others. The main factor for choosing to hospitalize is whether you think you can survive the episode you’re having. If you’re even questioning it, hospitalization is probably a good idea. If you’re choosing between your life and the hospital, the hospital is always the right answer even if it doesn’t seem that way at the time.
The process
There are two ways to be hospitalized: through the ER and straight to the unit. The ER is the most common way. Occasionally your therapist or psychiatrist or other healthcare provider will be able to bypass the ER for you and get you straight into a bed on a unit. If you have this opportunity, definitely take it.  
If you go the ER route, you arrive and explain why you’re there. You’ll then be taken back into a room- sometimes a private room, sometimes a communal psych room. Sometimes your phone will be taken. A guard will be stationed near you to ensure you do not hurt yourself or try to run away. You may wait for hours. You’ll see a psychiatrist who will determine whether to commit you to the psych unit or send you home. If they decide to commit you, you’ll be wheeled to the unit.
For me, the worst part of the process is the ER. You’re often helped by healthcare professionals who are judgmental of mental illness or are too busy to enact kindness. It can be a very dehumanizing experience. You may regret coming to the hospital, but you did the right thing. Saving your life is always the right thing. It’s okay to regret it for a bit as long as you follow through.
What to pack
Your belongings will be confiscated upon your arrival but if you have a chance to pack or if you have someone to bring you stuff, consider these:
A warm comfy outfit like sweats (but without a string at the waist!!!!!! take it out or they won’t let you have them!), SOCKS, pjs. Loungewear basically. The hospital provides basic toiletries, socks, and gowns/scrubs/paper pants. They can provide underwear and pads as necessary. Pack a hair brush if you’ve got tangly hair bc whatever they give you will NOT suffice.
You may want to bring your medications just in case the hospital doesn’t have them in their pharmacy but you will not have access to them, all your meds will come from the hospital itself.
Books! Some hospitals have a small library but you can bring your own if they’re deemed appropriate by the staff. They provide stuff like coloring pages, puzzles, games, etc but it can get p boring.
BRING A WRITTEN LIST OF IMPORTANT PHONE NUMBERS. YOUR PHONE WILL BE TAKEN.
You will have to ask to have items you arrived with brought to you from your belongings bag. Occasionally they will be reluctant, but you can self-advocate your way through it. 
On the unit
If you came to the hospital in the evening you may get little sleep that first night. You have to do the intake where they ask you all the questions and you sign a bunch of forms. You must be up for breakfast the next day. That first day you won’t get to choose your own meals but you will fill out a meal card for the next day. 
Most of your day will consist of shuffling between different mental health groups. Mental Health Professionals (often social work masters students) run groups on addiction, coping skills, community resources, gratitude etc etc in addition to your stereotypical group therapy. There are 3 meals a day, snacks available, and lots of downtime. There’s also activity hour where you do crafts or play games. During activity hour in my last hospitalization I painted a cackling coffin (it was October). 10/10. 
You will have a roommate. My experience is that you both mind your own business while being kind and it’s generally okay. 
They will take your blood pressure and vitals at least once a day. It’s annoying but necessary. They may do labs and draw your blood depending on your circumstances. If you have a physical illness as well, it may be a battle to make sure you are seen and treated for that too. All I can say is be your best advocate. 
You will not have your cell phone. This will be stressful at first but hopefully nice after a bit. You can call whomever you want using the hospital phones that are on during downtime. You may have to ask the staff to dial if it’s out of the hospital area code. People can also call you if they know where you are. Do what you need to do but also don’t be the Phone Hogger bc we all want to use it too. 
Visitors are allowed during certain hours. It’s not like a regular hospital visiting situation where they can just sit by your bed for hours. It’s like once a day for an hour you can get a visitor, no more than two at a time or whatever the rules are. No one can visit or call you without your permission. Visits by loved ones are so so nice and make you feel human again. I would encourage finding someone you trust who can visit you. It can make a world of difference. 
"How can I get out faster?”
This is a hack question tbh. I know everything sucks but you are there to heal first and foremost. Generally they release you when the psychiatrist thinks you’re ready to go. The average stay for something like an acute suicidal episode is 3-5 days. That’s enough time in the dr’s eyes for you to stabilize and receive any medication changes. If you are on the unit voluntarily, you can technically leave at any time. I’m not sure I’ve seen anyone insist on it though. Ask your doctors when they are considering releasing you so you can plan. They may change their answer so casually check in now and then.
Go to groups and participate in them. If you're hiding in your room all day the nurses will notice and they do write that down. There may be many people on the unit, but the nurses are keeping track and taking roll. If you can, be open, honest and compliant with your treatment team. Now there’s a part of me that goes “Fuck The System!!!! Fuck being compliant! I am my own woman and my illness is Me and not something to be stigmatized or hidden. Take me to Bitch Planet, bitch!!!” This is totally valid. You just have to decide what is more important to you- being noncompliant in the face of a judgmental system or getting back to the world. As much I want to rebel, my perfectionism and people pleasing tend to kick in by the second day on the unit. 
The aftermath & “what do I tell people?”
When you are being prepped for release, you must have appointments with your outpatient treatment team set up. If you don’t already, the hospital will schedule them for you. If there’s someone who can pick you up, utilize that. Otherwise they may set you up with a cab or something depending on the location. You will be given the bag containing your phone and other belongings upon release. 
It is up to you to decide what to tell people about your stay on the unit. You can be honest with whomever you choose, but you don’t have to be. You can say you were out of town or had a family emergency or whatever you want. It is not your responsibility to break the stigma. If you can and want to, go for it! We will all appreciate it. But you don’t have to advocate if you don’t feel comfortable. I tell many of my friends and family the full truth and then tell others that I was “in the hospital.” If they ask questions I say I don’t want to talk about it. This works better than you might think. (It surprised me how respectful people are when you say you don’t want to talk about something.) Most people won't even ask, tbh. 
It's not all garbage
It’s not all drugged up zombies and Dissociation Time: my last experience was pretty lit. We had morning “stretches” to ‘80s bops. We played Wii bowling. We discussed aliens and conspiracy theories.  In a place with such a heavy stigma on it, it was a surprisingly Shame-Free environment. It was comforting to be in a place where everyone Got It. At night we would get our meds and then drift off to bed one by one as the meds hit to goodnights of “ope, the Seroquel’s kicking in.” The variety of people on the unit proves that mental illness affects everyone, from the college student to the 75-year-old retired man to the soccer mom with 3 kids. And they each have different ways of coping, different perspectives on their situation. These other perspectives can be inspiring, even helpful and you may pick up as many tips from your peers as the actual professionals. Respect your peers, don’t be that person who’s like “why am I, Normal Person, locked up with all these Crazy People?” If you’re in there, you’re all in the same boat. Crazy is a slur and no one there is crazy unless they choose to reclaim the term.
The staff can be quite kind as well. I once had a nurse go down to the gift shop to get me a tiny hair brush for my waist-length tangled hair. He didn’t have to put in that effort but he did. This past time I had an MHP sit with me after a session and develop personalized affirmations that she wrote in my journal with her gorgeous, swooping handwriting. It’s small things like these that end up mattering most in an environment that can feel harsh. There can be great kindness there, under all the rules and regulations, you just have to be open to it.
I’ve made a wide range of friends in hospitals. Ones I’d never have even encountered in real life. Even though we haven’t kept in touch, I think of them often. My roommate with terminal kidney failure who got ECT twice a week but took the time to ask how I was. A recent immigrant from Nepal who didn’t speak any English but with whom I communicated anyway. Sandy, my homeless roommate who gave me all of her toiletries instead of taking them with her. Trevor, a young heroin addict who guarded my chocolate cake when I had a phone call. Curtis, a retired professor deep in psychosis whom we taught to Wii bowl. There are so many different lives that tangle with each other on the unit. In this way I consider it a gift, to have a window into all these different worlds that are connected by this one string. I’ll never see these people again, but I’ll never forget them either. I hope they’re all still out there, getting by.
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Getting hospitalized can be one of the scariest and hardest experiences but it is also one of the bravest. You saved your own life. Even if you didn’t bring yourself in, your participation saved it. It is a chance to reorient yourself to life, to recovery. It is a second, a third, a 15th chance. It’s like a terrible mini vacation. Responsibilities are lifted so you can focus on yourself. Utilize it if you can.
Again, my word is not law, it is based on my own experiences on the inside and outside of psych units. Please please reply or send asks with your own information. I know I’m not the only one on here who’s been hospitalized. We are legion. We survived. We survive. 
**Note from Kat: I am trying to learn graphic design (is my passion™) but the struggle is real and it does NOT come naturally so if anyone wants to help hmu!!!!! Can’t pay obvi but can link!**
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sea-side-scribbles · 3 years
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Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/70950861
Chapter 47
It was still nighttime when the stream of memories finally released him. The house was quiet, only his own breath blustered in his ears. His glass was empty, but his head was full of thoughts. Everthing he had revisited now demanded an appropriate reaction, but Nick had no idea what to do. He only felt a heavy weight on his chest. The night is ruined, he thought, and he felt tempted to silence his misery with another dose of Joy. But he didn't want to make it worse. He had wanted to make it better.
When he left the kitchen and made his way upstairs to his bedroom, he tried not to make a single noise. He wanted to keep the peaceful silence that made his surroundings look invulnerable, as if at least in this precious moment nothing bad could happen. In front of the bedroom door he stopped, listening in awe. Then he fetched a pen and paper from the side room and wrote a message to Morrie, that he shoved through under his door.
Some time later he sneaked through the dark and dank town, that was his second home by now. It still attracted him, even though the person he had been looking for was now sleeping in his bed. Perhaps he hadn't been looking for Morrie, he wondered. Perhaps he had been looking for his sense, his ability to make the right decisions. Or he had been trying to run from himself. He didn't know what he wanted now. He only believed that there was nowhere to run anymore. Instead, walking around aimlessly was exactly what he needed. He knew the routes where he was most likely safe from the patrols and drones. And just in case, he carried a bottle of brandy with him.
"Strolling around at night again?", asked the Bobby who was really hard to avoid. Fortunately, Nick got along with him. "I was hoping you'd feel better now, Mr. Lightbearer." "I'm alright, Constable", Nick replied. "I just thought you might miss me." Saying this, he pulled out the brandy and handed it to the man, who was visibly delighted. "Well, I can't deny that I miss attentive Wellies like you. One is so alone in these eventless nights." He opened the bottle. "But you're going home now, right?" "Of course", Nick said with a confident smile. Then the bobby surrendered himself to the brandy and forgot about the whole endeavour. Nick passed by him and walked into an alley that led into a small park. Scurrying through the meadow, his footsteps were much quieter. At a favourable spot he sat down in the grass and looked up to the starry sky. Why can't I do anything right?, Nick asked himself. A trickle of tears ran down his cheek.
He remained like this, with his hands clawing the grass, and trying to get rid of all the unnerving thoughts in his mind. Then he felt something. It was about time he took his next dose of Joy. Pulling out the package, he considered to take two pills. But after musing for a while, he only took one out and put the rest away. The pill was as black as the night. He popped it and soon he was given the pleasant, vitalizing feel of a new Joy-phase, while the stars twinkled in all colors. Slowly, he relaxed.
After sitting around like this, he again felt something different. As if someone was approaching him. Even though he didn't hear any sound. He dived deeper into the grass, searching the park with his eyes, but he didn't find anyone. Now certain that it had been an illusion, he sat back up and looked at the stars again. "You really have sharp ears", a quiet voice suddenly said. "Only your eyes fail you." Nick jumped and span around until he stared into a shiny silver mask. "James", he gasped. "My goodness...I didn't hear you. I only felt that someone was there." James smiled a secret smile. "In that case you have trustworthy feelings." Nick's hearbeat slowly calmed down. "And you are a trustworthy agent. As soon as the golden calf breaks the rules, you're on the scene. How did you find me?" "I simply followed the trail of alcohol." "Hey", Nick faintly protested, "It was only a present for a good friend. That's not a crime, isn't it?" "No. I figured you made him rather happy. That's a virtue." Nick smiled. He liked that agent who took liberties with the rules.
"Come here, join  me if you don't plan to snitch me. Unless sitting in the grass is too vulgar for a classy man like you." James didn't seem to mind because he promptly accepted the invitation. "Looks like you're in a good mood tonight, beacon of hope," he said as he sat down next to him. "Oh...", Nick sighed. "It's the end of my time. That's making things easier." James eyed him. "What gave you that idea?" "I remembered more of my past", Nick answered wistfully. "You are right, this stuff really helps." He tapped the package of Joy in his jacket. "I got my past back. And you know what? I didn't change one bit. I'm in the same shit as before. I made the same mistakes without knowing." He blinked. The tears wanted to come back. "This time it's even worse. I'm hurting  two wonderful people." He shook his head. "I'll end up all alone again. And this time I won't get a second chance." "You forgot something, Nicky", James said softly. Nick looked at him. "You're not alone. Not this time."
Nick gulped.  A storm was raging in his chest. He felt like he should give in to it. Carefully, he leaned sideways, into James' direction, and laid his head on the other man's shoulder. It was comfy, and when his cheek touched the fabric of his suit he felt a cozy warmth spreading inside his body. Tensely, he waited for James' reaction. First, the man didn't move, so Nick assumed it bothered him, and now there would be awkward silence between them. But then he felt how James leaned his head against his and relaxed. He gave him a sense of conversance he had thought he would never feel for another person again. Perhaps he was still able to find new friends. Perhaps his fate wasn't as set in stone as he had believed. He wasn't alone. And the stars twinkled at him.
"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?", James whispered. "Oh, yeah...I haven't seen such a clear sky in a long time", Nick affirmed quietly. "Would you like to have a walk?" "An illegal walk?", Nick giggled. "With you?" "The illegal ones are the best." "Huh...yeah, I'd like to", Nick said and slowly lifted his head. They got up and left the park. Soon, Nick's thoughts were wrapped into a pleasant, untroubled fog.
He was standing in a dark alley, motionless, watching closely how James finished his work. "Do you want to hold it, Nicky?", the other man suddenly asked and showed him his shining, sharp cleaver that was dripping with blood. Nick cautiously accepted it. He noticed it was heavier than he had imagined. The blood that was dropping on his hand was warm. "I think I held it before", he said to James, who eyed him. "Do you know how to use it?", the man asked and put an arm around him to lead him closer to the lifeless body on the ground. Nick followed, knelt down next to the body, just like James used to do it and inspected it. Asking, he looked back at James. "Go ahead," the man said and gave him an encouraging smile. Nick raised the cleaver and took aim.
Light was blinding him, yelling and the noise of applause were roaring in his ears. Nick blinked. He was standing on a stage, but the audience didn't look at him. A second later, Uncle Jack entered the stage from behind a heavy curtain, solemly smiling. "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to a new episode of 'Love Wins'! Today's candidate is no less a figure than Nick Lightbearer himself!" Now Jack gestured towards him, drawing the attention to him. Nick waved and blew kisses, trying to hide how confused he was. "I promise you, today's guests will give you a very thrilling episode," Jack announced happily. He made an expansive gesture towards a corner. "On the left side we have: Nick Lightbearer's great love, the light of his life, the title holder Morrie Memento!" The audience cheered when Morrie arrived on stage and walked towards Nick. Nick's heart missed a beat. He had a bad feeling, but Morrie didn't seem to mind. He confidently winked at him, with his head proudly raised, and looking gorgeous. "On the right side: the man who stole his heart, the king of his dreams, the challenger Arthur Hastings!" Now Nick's heart raced when Arthur walked on the stage, looking a bit shy amongst all the fuss, and awkwardly waving at him. Nick would've loved to jump up and yell at Jack to stop the show. He didn't like the way Morrie glared at Arthur. But something paralyzed him. "Oh, yeah, this is gonna be one hell of a fight!", Jack rejoiced. "But this wouldn't be 'Love Wins' without a special guest." Oh, no, Nick thought. Whos next, Virgil? "Let me introduce you to...you know what? Let's cut this short. See for yourself!" The man who walked through the curtain was wearing a black suit. His face was covered by a mask with sharp edges. His eyes blazed at Nick him from underneath it, glowing red like blood. Nick screamed now, but his voice was drowning in the cheers of the audience.
A second later he found himself in a room that looked familar, but before he could look around someone was pressing him down. "Stay down," that someone hissed, then they whooshed past him. Nick closed his eyes and tensed, waiting for the fight to break out. But it was quiet. So quiet that Nick dared to take a look again. He saw the man who had pressed him down, searching the room. Then the man turned around. "No one there," he said and sat down on the bed that Nick had apparently slept in. "We're alone. It was just a bad dream, Nick." His hand carefully touched Nick's back. "A...Arthur?", Nick stuttered. "Yes, it's me," the man said, looking tenderly at him. Nick jumped up again. "Where am I?" "Ssshhh...In your tunnel...Our tunnel...It's alright." "The tunnel...", Nick sighed, sinking back into the pillow. "Yes, you came back." "How long did I sleep?" "Not for long, you just had a nightmare after all", Arthur joked, then he furrowed his brows. "Aren't you happy to see me? Didn't you want to come here?" Nick froze. Arthur hung his head.
"I'm sorry. I thought...when I saw you lying in your bed...I thought you wanted to visit me. So I laid down next to you. I didn't mean to bother you." Nick now acted just as quickly as after the nightmare. He hugged Arthur tightly. "It's alright", now he sad, as if they had swapped their roles. Looking into the other man's eyes he tried his most charming smile. "I was just puzzled...It happens to me a lot. Please don't worry about it." He hugged him again. "You can join me whenever you see me lying somewhere. Except when you see me in a grave, then you don't have to follow me." It had slipped out of Nick's mouth. Arthur made a choked noise that sounded like the hint of a giggle. "You have quite a morbid sense of hurmor for a Wellie." "That's because of the crazy life I'm living...Sorry." Arthur didn't answer. He looked like he was hesitating and pondering. Then he pecked Nick's cheek. Nick was melting. Arthur was so shy. The kiss had felt like a question. Nick pulled him closer and kissed his black hair that was a bit tousled. Now that he was here, he couldn't just run off. Arthur was so happy to see him after all. Nick decided to spend time with him before he would start back.
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hannahstudyblrr · 4 years
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Online Schooling Advice
Hi all,
I have not been active on this platform in many moons, but I feel like as someone who has ample experience with online distance learning, hybrid learning, and reverse-the-classroom settings, I could give some advice to those who are not as accustomed to this type of school experience. Please be aware that I am NOT an aesthetic blog, its just never been my type of thing to upkeep, and I’m not perfect so these may seem a bit unconventional compared to what other studyblrs are out there saying, but these tips helped me graduate magna cum laude with my associates degree, so maybe they'll be helpful. 
1) Find your space. 
It can be any space, one that works for you. For myself, I have a desk in my bedroom but I mentally decided long ago that my bedroom would be for sleeping purposes only. My space is the living room couch and coffee table. Albeit not the most ergonomic especially in my career path, but it has worked for me for the past 5 years. Keep it as distraction free as possible. Even though you're at home, your lecturer still demands your 100%. 
2) Keep it comfy. 
Many people say that to put yourself in a productive mindset, you must not study in your PJ’s; Being in regular clothes will make it less likely that you'll just relax all day and get nothing done. *I think that’s BS* Because if you have the discipline, you can be productive in anything you wear. But if changing into better clothes works for you, by all means do it. But I don’t think sitting for 3 hours of oral pathology lecture in blue jeans made oral pathology any more enjoyable or gave me a heightened sense of focus, compared to when I just showed up to class braless, in a sweatshirt, and in leggings. 
3) Pomodoro. 
A pomodoro set to any time you want is how I took the last 5 years of college by storm. Some say to schedule your pomodoros for 30-45 minutes with a small break. That doesn't do it for me. If I am taking notes or studying, I’m in it for the long haul. I get really into taking my material at the 20 minute mark, if my pomodoros were 30-45 minutes, I wouldn't get anything done. I set those puppies up for 1 hour plus a 15 minute break. I can get much more done. 
4) To Do lists:
To do lists are basically how I kept myself sane when schooling online. I do my to-do lists Dave Ramsey style (a debt snowball style), meaning that you knock off the easiest activities first. For me, say last semester my Sunday to do list looked like this:
-Dental Materials: Vocab Crossword Puzzle(s) -Process of Care: Answer Learning Objectives for Exam 2 -Pre-clinic: Write reflection on how pre-clinic went.  -Radiology: Normal Radiographic Anatomy Study Guide
Then I would rearrange it to whatever was easiest first, and most lengthy down the list. 
1) Preclinic reflection. 2) Materials: CW puzzle(s) 3) Rad: Anatomy SG. 4) POC-Objectives. 
Do the easier stuff first because if you did it in reverse, you’d be too mentally burnt out to do the easy stuff. It was a good way for me to bang out multiple things in a few hours. 
5) Go outside.
This one is a little more risky business with quarantine mandates in place, but you dont need to go downtown for a coffee or hang out with friends, anything like sitting on the porch for a little bit or even going out for a drive in a nice part of town, or going for a walk at a place where not many people check out. I often compare myself to a dog because I need to go out for my daily walks, especially if it is a nice day. I have a visceral need to go out and do something or else no matter how academically productive I was that day, as far as I’m concerned it was a waste of a day. Doing something, anything non-school related to relax is good, it’s healthy, it’s encouraged. 
6) Music. 
Ironically at my school, the library is treated like a cafeteria. Everyone goes there to hang out, talk, screech, eat, and make a lot of noise. So Ive gotten into the idea of using background noise. Any noise will do if you feel like you can concentrate with it. Coffee shop jazz doesn’t do it for me, but here are a few that I’ve used and they do a great job at helping me focus. 
Piano Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XULUBg_ZcAU 
Brown Noise: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqzGzwTY-6w&t=14420s
Celtic Harp Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiqlZZddZEo&t=5112s
Binaural Beats: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1qQ5EAUt6s&list=LL19X2J0sMf8j8y7bLwGLc9Q&index=49&t=4042s
More Binaural Beats: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2RvqKCn7S4&list=RDu2RvqKCn7S4&start_radio=1&t=0
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boku-no-loveletters · 4 years
Note
Hello! Could I get a BNHA matchup please? Thanks! I’m female and would love to be matched with a male student. I’m 5’2, and love reading, crochet, drawing, and painting. I’m usually v quiet when you first meet me, but get louder as we get to know each other. I like to wear mostly comfy clothes in neutral colors. I don’t tend to say much unless I’m sure that I’m right because I hate being proven wrong. I love plants but always end up overwatering them bc I love them too much 😭Thanks so much!
Hey, there! What’s up?
Thanks for requesting! I hope you enjoyed who I matched you up with!
I thought you’d go well with…
Kirishima!
-I felt that Kirishima would be the one that would most likely coax you out of your shell easier than the majority of class 1-A’s boys. His socially positive demeanor and his encouraging atmosphere draws out the friendly in some most people!
-Once you ease into a friendship with him, he’d be happy that you have begun growing more comfortable with talking to him and taking the time to keep up with him due to his outgoing adventures with the rest of the bakusquad! He’d be even more ecstatic if you were willing to show him some of your creative skills.
-The first time you both met was probably somewhere in the Arts room, where you were busy making a banner for a school invested business and he was busy helping for the day as he volunteered to do so. But you didn’t know that.
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Everything hurts.
Your back was hunched over in a painful position and your fingers were itching to move away from the long piece of a colorful paper set before you. You were beyond exhausted But you needed to get this done by Friday, the banner was due at the end of the week and if you didn’t have it done by then they would submit the other projects without yours!
You were currently seated in the crafting room of the school's extra lounging places along with other students working on their separate projects. On one hand, was a paintbrush dipped in paint and the other was firmly holding the desk in agitation.
You would have thought that you’d have it done sooner, but ever since you ran into that brawny red-headed boy you’ve been distracted and pulled into a tunnel of thoughts all about him.
Who could blame you though, he was just so… Perfect! His muscularly toned body and his piercing crimson eyes matched his boisterous and positive attitude. And ever since he walked in on your classes’ art session, you were whipped.
You like to think that you'd been pining after him for a while, but you're pretty sure that he hasn't even noticed you yet. He was way out of your league and surely had other things to do than bother with you. If only he was interested in art, but he didn't seem like the kinda guy to go for this stuff.
You sighed heavily and released a deep breath to calm yourself, you needed to stay focus and get this done before-
WHAM
The door swung open and your eyes widened as you were met with the same captivating vermillion orbs you've dreamed about so many other times, his face was still lit up with the wonderfully euphoric expression you loved so dearly.
His body was still well built as it ever been and his grin...Oh, his grin was simply adorable. It matched the child-like glint in his eyes and mirrored his extraordinarily art-worthy enthusiasm. He was as lively as he could ever be!
He delightfully laughed and puffed out his chest, his hands laid on his hips as he stood straight and tall. You hadn't realized that you had been staring at him until he felt your gaze linger on his figure and turn to meet yours.
You blushed a bright red and quickly averted your eyes elsewhere. Praying to the gods above that he didn't catch you checking him out. That would be so, so uncomfortable! Imagine if he thought you were an idiot now, or worse, some kind of class creepo!
Your head fell to the desk and emitted a large thump noise. Now you were sure that you had ruined your chance with him.
But unbeknownst to you, Kirishima fixed his watch on you before he casually wheeled around and smiled to himself. That was so cute.
"Heh heh, that was so silly..." he chuckled to no one in particular.
-Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need criticism on your artwork! Kirishima will try his best to be an acceptable critic and point out some things you might need to tweak on. Other thank that, I’d think he’d find the activity noble and astounding! Will refer to it as a “Manly and amazing product of Awesomeness!”
-He might even suggest a certain color pallet if he feels that it’d be a wonderful thing to see in your paintings! He’ll easily choose a color scheme that goes on the red, orange and yellow on the warmer side of the color chart.
-I think that he would want to crochet with you, but he wouldn’t have the time and patience to sit and do that kind of thing so he’ll kind of just wrap his arms around you and just chill. It calms him down watching you go through each loop of yarn and creating a really beautiful piece, he’ll probably ask for things for mittens or a scarf.
-He’ll come over to your part of the dorms and help assist you in watering the plants and keeping them to a certain degree where they won’t drown. If you reassure him that you got the hang of it, he’ll insist that he come over to keep you company. How manly! ;)
Bakusquad!
I think the Bakusquad wouldn’t mind you tagging along! Mina and Kaminari would probably try to convince you to go out more with them and make sure you’re more comfortable around them while Sero and Bakugou wouldn’t really care about what you do much to Kirishima’s distastes.
Now, onto confessions. I always thought that Kirishima wasn’t one to catch onto the fact that his emotions for you have a deeper meaning to them fast enough. It would be a more immature affectionate drive towards you. Similar to puppy love, but more endearing then that.
-I like to think that he’d enjoy PDA, having you close in his arms or simply holding his hand would be enough for him not to go crazy. But making out in public would be a big no-no for him, he thinks that should be kept behind doors and totally not because it makes him very flustered afterwards.
-He’s very passionate, despite not having that many dates before. He tries his best to treat you right, regardless of his very low self esteem on how non-flashy his quirk is or if he’ll ever be enough for you…or even if he’s man enough for you.
-Please, I beg of you, don't make this boy jealous he has enough insecurity to begin with ;-;
-I mainly thought that you guys would be a rowdy fit together, because you and him were the first thing that came to my mind when you mentioned your shy yet comforting demeanor and he would be a perfect fit to the enthusiastic and zealous side!
Thanks for requesting, hope you like it!
@stargazerunlimited
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myforeverforlife · 5 years
Text
meet me in my office.
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For @ilovexiu​ Kyungsoo + 15. “No more!” - “Okay, fine, I won’t send you any more selfies.” + 25. “You can’t ride a bike?” - “Why are we whispering?” + 61. “Move!” - “Why would I move if I’m so comfy where I am?”
Masterlist
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Despite working for one of the top music magazines in the country, it wasn’t often that you worked with anyone outside of your office floor. You were much too busy keeping finances for The Exploration with the rest of the team on your floor to even think of mingling with the rest of the staff on the floors above and below you. The only times that you did run into someone outside of your department were during your lunch breaks.
Grateful that you had chosen to wear some comfortable loafers instead of your usual heels, you waited for the elevator doors to open on the third floor. It was on this floor of the building that employees were encouraged to rest during lunch or break time. While the third floor was mostly reserved for casual meetings between departments, there were also rooms set aside with the intent for employees to take a half-hour to eat their meals. The kitchen on this floor was also much larger than on the others, save for that of the editor-in-chief’s, and the refrigerator was often stuffed full with labeled bins of Tupperware containers.
As the elevator doors opened, you weren’t surprised to find the usual suspects already on their lunch breaks.
“Hey, Y/N!” Chanyeol, one of the journalists from the fifth floor called out to you. His head peeped out from a doorway, the rest of his body hidden behind the wall of the room he was in. “Come eat lunch with us!”
“Let me get my stuff from the kitchen first!” As much as you liked to eat out with your coworkers for lunch, it wasn’t practical to do it everyday. Plus, sometimes you genuinely missed eating home cooked leftovers.
After heating up your food in the microwave, you headed over to where Chanyeol and some of your other coworkers were. Upon looking inside, you were taken aback to see that the only other people in the room were Junmyeon, one of the assistants to the editor-in-chief, and Kyungsoo, another journalist like Chanyeol. Your stomach began to do somersaults upon seeing the wide-eyed man, a familiar giddiness rising in you once you laid eyes on him.
“Join the rest of us and our sad leftover lunches,” Chanyeol greeted, nodding towards an empty chair at the table. Sure enough, it was the one next to Kyungsoo.
“They’re not sad leftovers,” Kyungsoo argued as you silently slipped into the seat beside him. “Good food is good food, no matter if its been refrigerated and reheated all over again.”
“Alright, sorry. I should’ve known better than to insult food in front of a bona-fide foodie.” Chanyeol winced as Kyungsoo pretended to poke his arm with a fork.
Junmyeon just smiled fondly at his friends’ antics before turning his attention to you. “How’s your day going?”
“Well, aside from some calculations on how much it’ll cost to fly some of out journalists out to that music festival next month and some reviewing of the past week’s expenses, nothing too exciting has happened.” You speared a piece of chicken with your fork, popping it into your mouth as you thought. “Oh!” You hurried to chew and swallow your bite of food before speaking. “But I did hear through the grapevine that the spread on Kai’s new album is gonna be insane.”
“Insane? Like good insane, or...” Chanyeol trailed off, his large eyes watching you curiously.
“It sounds like it’s gonna be really good. They’re thinking of having it set in Milan, since he’ll already be there for a Gucci event.” You sighed dreamily, fork dangling from your hand and you rested your chin in your other hand. “I’m really jealous of whoever gets to go on that trip.”
Kyungsoo was all too immersed in his lunch, picking absentmindedly at his food with a hint of pink dusting his cheeks. Junmyeon cocked his head, studying the other man with interest. “You okay, Soo?”
With a cough, Kyungsoo straightened up. “Yeah. Uh, I’m actually going on that trip. I’m going to be holding the interview with him.”
“You’re what?!” both you and Chanyeol exclaimed at the same time.
“You’re so lucky!” you added, stars in your eyes. “Are you excited?”
Kyungsoo shrugged. “I guess, I mean, his music is good, but I’m just not sure I’m the right person to interview him. I’m not a fan like you and Chanyeol.”
“If you want me to go for you, just say the word,” Chanyeol offered. He broke into a wide grin when Kyungsoo glared at him, completely unfazed.
“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” you said. “And it’s probably better that we’re sending someone who’s not already a Kai fan. You know, being unbiased and all.” You laid your hand over one of Kyungsoo’s. “We’ll miss you though.”
Kyungsoo stammered, eyes flickering between your face and your hand on his repeatedly. Noticing his friend’s dilemma, Chanyeol smiled wickedly as he leaned back in his seat, arms crossed. “Yeah, we will. I guess we’ll have to send you pictures of us every day so you won’t forget what we look like.”
Easily distracted, Kyungsoo forgot all about the sensation of your hand on his as he was reminded of Chanyeol constantly sending him pictures of random things throughout the day. The worst this week had been one of a pile of chocolate wrappers with no explanation, sent at three in the morning. “No more! No more pictures from you unless it’s actually important. And no, finding a chip in the supposed shape of a celebrity isn’t important.”
Chanyeol pouted. “Okay, fine, I won’t send you any more selfies either.”
Kyungsoo bit back the comeback lingering on his tongue, not wanting to argue with Chanyeol in front of you. Granted, you had seen him and Chanyeol fight playfully before, but still, it was important to Kyungsoo that he keep up a perfect front in front of you. You were always so sweet and bubbly, to put any sort of damper on it seemed like a sin.
“When do you leave for Milan?” you asked, waiting eagerly for Kyungsoo’s response.
“By the end of this month. Our team’s just starting to plan things out with people on your end, so once all of the expenses are calculated and the reservations are made, we can head out.”
“I know you’ll have a great time!” You tapped your feet excitedly against the floor, knees bouncing up and down. “Gosh, you get paid to go to Europe.”
“I’ll bring you all back some souvenirs,” Kyungsoo promised.
“Don’t worry about it,” you said, even as Chanyeol shook his head in disagreement. “Save your money to do some fun things for yourself. You deserve this break.”
Kyungsoo’s cheeks turned rosy as he smiled, his eyes cast downwards. “Thanks.”
All talk of Milan was replaced with a story Junmyeon had about a missing story and the frantic 24 hours he just had. Kyungsoo watched admiringly as you laughed in all the right places, and sympathized with Junmyeon in the rest. You were so attuned to others’ emotions, he was surprised that you had chosen to work in what he considered the emotionless field of organization and computing with numbers. But what he didn’t know was that sometimes you needed the distraction that finances gave you.
Especially when it came to thoughts of him. 
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A few weeks later, in a fit of boredom, you wandered over to Kyungsoo’s office on the floor below you. Once you got there,you knocked on Kyungsoo’s open door, leaning against the frame. “Hi, can I come in?”
“Of course.” Kyungsoo took off his headphones, clumsily setting them down on his desk. “What brings you over here?”
“Nothing, I just got bored. Things have been slow today since we’ve completed almost everything for the next month’s spread. How are preparations going for your trip?”
Kyungsoo sat up, clearing his throat. “Pretty good. They told me that your team’s already cleared reservations at the hotel, and for the flights there and back. I’m just worried about traveling within the city — how expensive do you think it’ll be to take a taxi or a rental car everywhere?”
“Hmm, I’ll have to get back to you on that. It shouldn’t be too much though. Ooh, you can go biking through Milan! It’ll be like in Roman Holiday. Well,” you put a finger to your chin as you thought. “I guess not exactly like it, since you won’t be in Rome.”
Kyungsoo smiled to himself at your monologue. “I never learned how to ride a bike.”
“You can’t ride a bike?” your voice immediately dropped down into a whisper.
“No. Why are we whispering?”
“Oh, sorry. I was just surprised, I guess. I mean, you know how to ride motorcycles but not a bike?”
“I only know how to ride a motorcycle because Chanyeol practically begged me to learn with him. He said there wasn’t a point in having a license if he had no one to ride with,” Kyungsoo said, rolling his eyes with a smile.
“That’s sweet of you. You know, most people would have just ignored him or told him no straight-up. But then again, you’re not like most people.” You grinned back at him, brushing a piece of hair away from your face.
Kyungsoo stared blankly for a second, eyelashes nearly brushing against his glasses. “Are you flirting with me right now?”
Startled by his sudden bluntness, you stumbled over your words. “I-I guess? I’ve really been flirting with you for a while.” Kyungsoo continued to stare wide-eyed, completely motionless. “Sorry, I um... I’ll just go.” You turned to leave when Kyungsoo got up from his chair, his hand reaching out for your wrist.
“Wait,” he said. “Where are you going?”
“Back to my office. Can we uh, just forget this ever happened?”
“Why?” Kyungsoo’s brows crumpled up.
“Because it’s embarassing, and you obviously don’t feel the same way!” You wrenched your wrist out of his hold.
“What? When did I say that?”
Both of you were equally as confused, you on the verge of running out of the room and Kyungsoo still shell-shocked from your sudden confession.
“Well... you didn’t, really, I guess. I just assumed since you didn’t say anything...”
“I.. you caught me off guard,” Kyungsoo replied. “I’ve liked you for a while, Y/N.”
The two of you were locked in an staring contest, both sides processing the reality of what was going on.
“Really?” you finally spoke up. “You’re not just saying this to make me feel better, right?”
“I’m not,” Kyungsoo replied with a tiny shake of his head.
“How come you never said anything? I never would’ve confessed if you hadn’t called me out on it right now.” You laughed shyly, one hand coming to play with the hem of your sleeve.
Kyungsoo shrugged. “I don’t know. I was worried I was reading too much into it, that I was just imagining what I thought I saw.”
Both hands clasped behind your back, you moved closer until you were face to face with him. “Well, I’m here now. And this feels pretty real to me.”
His gaze dropped down to your lips, his tongue peeking out to run over his own lips briefly. Leaning in, your eyes began to close, Kyungsoo following your lead and doing the same. He was only a few inches away, you could feel the warmth of his body as you slowly, slowly closed the gap until —
“Hey, are you — oh. Uh...”
You and Kyungsoo both jumped back from each other in surprise, your hand on your heart to try and calm the frantic beating while Kyungsoo ran a hand over his hair. “Sehun,” Kyungsoo spoke up gruffly. “What is it?”
“Uh, the boss wants to see you in her office. You too, Y/N. The finance team is running over the final numbers for the Milan trip.”
“Coming!” you chirped up, looking much calmer than you had a second ago. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, was still trying to get over the surprise of Sehun bursting into his office.
With a quick nod, Sehun hurried away, his footfalls soft against the carpeted hallway.
“Well, I guess we’re needed right now.” Noticing Kyungsoo’s dejected expression, you reached up to smooth down his tie and dust off the shoulders of his button-up. “Don’t worry, we can finish this up later.” With a wink, you pulled on Kyungsoo’s hand, leading him to the editor-in-chief’s office.
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Lucky for you, your team was let out a bit earlier once the final numbers had been run through and all last-minute changes had been accounted for. You waved to Kyungsoo as you left, giggling to yourself as he looked after you longingly. Seeing as you didn’t have anything immediate to work on, you took another detour back to his office and waited until he came back. It was worth it to see Kyungsoo pause at the doorway when he saw you before beaming widely.
“Hey, what are you doing in my chair?” Kyungsoo asked, coming to lean against his desk.
“Well, seeing as it was empty and no one else was here, I thought I might as well take advantage of it. You know,” you relaxed against the back of the chair. “I think your office is a little bigger than mine.”
“Move! You have your own chair in your office,” Kyungsoo teased lightly.
“Why would I move if I’m so comfy where I am?”
Kyungsoo rolled his eyes with a smile. “Fine, you can sit there.”
“Thanks. I was hoping we could pick up where we left off.” You winked suggestively, bursting into laughter as Kyungsoo gaped open-mouthed at you. “Soo, I’m kidding. But on a similar note, are you free for dinner tonight?”
Kyungsoo was still reeling from your use of his nickname, a goofy grin on his face as he nodded. “Yeah, I’m off at six today.”
“Perfect. I’ll meet you downstairs in the lobby then." Rising from Kyungsoo's seat, you were about to walk past when you surprised him with a kiss to the cheek, your lips lingering for a bit before you continued on, out of his office and back to your own.
He stared after you, dropping into his chair with a hand to his cheek, as if he could still feel your lips there. Just at that moment, Chanyeol walked in, a sheaf of papers in his hand. He paused in his steps when he noticed the dazed expression on Kyungsoo's face, concern twisting his eyebrows upwards. "You okay, Soo?"
"Yeah," Kyungsoo sighed out happily. “Never been better."
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A/N: this started off as y/n and kyungsoo getting stranded during a road trip, but I kept coming back to it and nothing was working out, so I ended up trying out another trope i’ve always wanted to do: office romance haha
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Text
For the Love of Cacti! - Lee Seunghoon
A/N: I tried to make this gender neutral, so if you notice anything that’s gender specific please let me know and I’ll try to change it!! 
Word Count: 1900 
The first time it happened you were confused more than anything. Walking into the dance studio, you saw a small cactus sitting next to the computer. Next to it was a note: “Y/N, thanks for helping me with the choreo yesterday!” You weren’t sure who left it at first as, being one of the two best students, your dance teacher always encouraged you to help others when they needed it. The following week, though, when you were sure you’d only helped one other person and you found another cactus, it wasn’t too difficult to put two and two together to figure out who had left them. Lee Seunghoon. He was the other best student in your class. Although, as far as you were concerned he was the best dancer in the whole studio- including yourself- so why he had asked for your help was beyond you.
Of course, you weren’t just going to ask Seunghoon about his odd little gifts - that would to easy. Instead, you thought you’d play him at his own game. Checking the studio’s timetable, you saw that Seunghoon had booked a room to himself that afternoon. Perfect. Ten minutes before he was due to be there, you took the cactus he left you that morning and placed it on the desk in the corner and scribbled a quick note: “You know, most people would say thank with flowers or something. Or at least in person ;)”
There wasn’t much point in going home or anything seeing as though you had practice soon so you found an empty room and decided to warm up and go over some stuff you had learnt the day before. Just as you had finished stretching, you got a shock when you heard the door closing behind you. However, you couldn’t help but laugh at the sight before you when you turned around. There, on the floor, in front of the door was the cactus. A small blush crept onto your face when you red the note attached: “Talking to pretty people makes me nervous.”
You’d spoken to Seunghoon a thousand times before but, now you thought about it, there was always at least one other person present for the conversation and it was always dance related.
A couple of weeks past and the two of you continued passing the cactus around the studio with little notes to each other; often you would offer small smiles to each other as you passed in the halls or from across the practice rooms. After a month, Seunghoon finally got the courage to approach you face to face and start a conversation. He was a shy mess and, honestly, it was the most adorable thing. He would stutter over his words, fiddle with his hands; you couldn’t help but smile sweetly at his shy behaviour. Since that day, the two of you began speaking more, texting each other and hanging out outside of dance practice. You developed a close friendship with Seunghoon- so close in fact, that all your friends were convinced you would end up dating (if you weren’t already).
Seunghoon would find any excuse he could to gift you a cactus, or something cactus related:
“You looked stressed today so I bought you this to cheer you up!” He had said one day, handing you a giant cactus pillow with a cute smiley face.
“Congrats on winning the dance competition!” He gave you a cactus with a small first place ribbon he had found and stuck on it.
“The plant pot is your favourite colour…” he quickly continued when you frowned at him slightly, confused, “And it was the last one in the store. It was gonna be lonely!”
However, your personal favourite was when he confessed to you. As the months went by and your friendship grew, your friends began to tease more - insisting there was something more than friends between the two of you. While you weren’t completely sure how you felt, you couldn’t deny that Seunghoon was incredibly good looking and so sweet and kind and… well the more you listed things in your head the more you realised that perhaps you had a small, insignificant, maybe, kind of crush on your friend. That is to say: you were absolutely head over heels for him and the realisation hit you in the face like a brick.
You had the day off from practice so you were just sitting at home waiting for Seunghoon to come over to hang out. When you heard the doorbell you guessed it would be him and it was- sort of. When you opened the door, you didn’t see anyone. Assuming it was just kids messing around you were about to close the door when it caught your eye. A cactus. You let out a small laugh as you picked it up, looking for the note that always accompanied the plant when you didn’t see Seunghoon around. Sure enough, there it was. Tucked into the side on the plant pot. You took the piece of paper and unfolded it.
“Lee Seunghoon you are so cheesy!” You called loud enough for him to hear, knowing now that he was there somewhere. You laughed at the note, re-reading it as you waited for him to come out from his hiding spot: “Help me put the ‘us’ in cactus?”
He appeared from behind a tree with a smug smile, stating as he walked towards you, “I was going to spell it out with a bunch of little cacti but I didn’t think they would all fit outside your door.” You just laughed at his antics, putting the cactus down on the table just inside the door before going to hug him.
“If that’s a yes then I think you should go and get changed because I’m have a whole day of dates planned out!”
“This is comfy, though?!” You whined, looking down at your lounge shorts and oversize jumper (which actually belonged to Seunghoon, but, hey, he wasn’t complaining).
“You look like you just got out of bed, I’m not being seen with you like that!” He joked, poking your cheek.  You gently hit his arm before agreeing to his terms and running off to change.  When you came back you saw Seunghoon moving your cactus plants around.
“What are you doing?” You frowned.
“Moving them,” He replied simply.
“I can see that, but why?”
“Bad Feng Shui,” he laughed when he saw that you had no idea what he was going on about. “Although they have a nice symbolism- warmth, protection, endurance- cacti can bring negative energies in the wrong place. I’m moving them to the window so they act as a protective energy instead- the spikes ricochet negativity.”
You just kind of stared at him as he spoke, taking in every word. The sentiment was so sweet and unlike anything you’d ever heard; and for the first time you had a real insight into the way Seunghoon sees the world instead of what he wants the world to see of him. In the same moment you realised just how many cacti he’d given you over the last six months: there was at least seven that he’d just moved, then the one he bought you that day, another three in the kitchen and two in your bedroom.
“You might have to change up your gift ideas some time or I’m gonna run out of room to keep all these cacti,” you laughed, heading out of your house after he finished moving the plants.
“We’ll see about that,” he smiled brightly, taking the last cactus plant and placing it next to your door while you locked up. “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.” Seunghoon took your hand and you both began to walk down the street. You had no idea where you were going causing you to get more and more curious the longer you walked. Anytime you would try to ask Seunghoon where he was taking you, he would just shrug it off with a sweet smile and say “you’ll see.”
You walked for about another hour, whining every now and then about not knowing where you were going which earned little laughs from Seunghoon.
“You made me walk this far for a coffee shop?” you asked, staring blankly at the boy beside you.
“Not just any coffee shop. Look around!” Doing as he said, you realised why he had brought you here. There were small round tables dotted around and some booths lining the baby blue walls, a few paintings hung here and there of the seaside, the glass counter filled with an array of foods. The thing that caught your eye the most, however, were the small plants littered around the place. One on every table in different colour pots, some on the front windowsill, cartoon drawings of them around the menu. Cacti. You looked up at Seunghoon with a small frown, waiting for some kind of explanation. “My parents own the place. I helped them decorate it…” he shrugged simply as if that should’ve been easy to figure out. He took your hand and walked you through towards the back. He waved to the woman behind the counter as you walked past, mumbling something to her; you figured that must’ve been his mother.
“Now where are we-”
“Shh” you glared at him slightly while he held his finger to your lips but obliged to the request- wanted to appease your curiosity.
Needless to say, you were stunned at the sight before you. After walking up some stairs, Seunghoon opened the door to reveal a small rooftop garden. Either side of the gravel path in the middle, was a row of different plants. Cacti, bonsai trees, rose bushes, sunflowers; everywhere you looked there was some kind of plant, succulent or flower.
“Woah…” was the only thing you could manage to say.
“Welcome to my garden,” Seunghoon smiled proudly.
“You did all this?” You asked, a little shocked.
Still holding you hand, he walked you down the path to a small covered area at the other end. There was raised decking on the floor, a small step to help you up, fairy lights decorated the four corner posts that held up the make-do ‘roof’. On the decking was a swing bench- the frame made of dark wood with a black material covering the seat. As you both sat down, Seunghoon swinging the bench gently, you noticed the breathtaking view of the city that lay before you.
“It’s beautiful up here!”
“I always come up here when I need to think, or to get away… It’s just so quiet and peaceful.”
“Yeah, it’s really calming…” you said still taking in the view.
After a few moments of silence, passed before Seunghoon spoke again, “you know… you never actually answered my question…” When you frowned, he continued, “I can hardly take you on the rest of this date if we aren’t actually dating.”
His smug smile made you laugh, “I came here didn’t I?”
“Yeah but… you need to actually say it or else it’s not true.”
“Alright fine,” you smiled, “Yes, Lee Seunghoon I will date you.”
“Brilliant,” he grinned, standing up, “now lets go!” You had no idea where you were being pulled off to next but you knew that whatever happened, nothing would ever be boring so long as you were with Seunghoon.
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oathkeeper-of-tarth · 5 years
Text
Swordsmithing For Beginners And Experts
First of all, a big shoutout to the many folks who encouraged this with long convos, brainstorming sessions, comfy headcanon exchanges, and the like. In particular @fatalcookies and nagginggargoyle (whose tumblr is sadly gone) for kickstarting most of this. Then the long-suffering @ajora, @dr-jekyl, @elexuscal, @jeejyboard, and @meskime, true champs. Parts of this were fun, easy fluff, and parts of it felt like some of the toughest stuff I’ve written (looking at you, anything post-ASPR). I hope I’ve done it all justice, because I adore these two and they deserve the best. I’d love to hear what you all think, as this has really been a long time coming.
A series of looks into that shared history Pearl values so much; some sweet, some bitter, but most somewhere in between, and featuring several swords. Or, in traditional terms: Five times Bismuth and Pearl kissed, and one time they didn’t. Bismuth/Pearl, with mentions of others, most prominently Rose and Garnet. ~9700 words, no special warnings.
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Swordsmithing For Beginners And Experts
I. Smelt
“So, this is it, huh?”
Bismuth grunted as she came to lean against a half-wrecked pillar, legs weak and watery - a very far cry from what she’d seen lapis lazulis wield to carve up and shape the faces of entire worlds. Dust stung her eyes and filled the dim hallway, but she tried to catch a glimpse of her companion anyway.
“Could have… could have thought of worse ways to go, really. We gave as good as we got - better, even.” She squinted and tried to focus, but saw nothing but an outline, brief flashes fading in and out of clarity through the murky haze surrounding her - be it the debris, the crack in her gem, or both, it didn’t matter much anymore. “This entire base is definitely a loss, as is the mining operation. They’ll remember us yet.”
“Well, I’m not done just yet,” Pearl turned to face her and finally came close enough to be seen, glitching hand desperately clinging to her remaining unbroken sword, voice kept sharper than the blade. “And neither are you.”
“Oh yeah? How do you know that?” Bismuth gave a weak grin and cupped a hand protectively over her own cracked gem, fingers clenching painfully. Even the movement of sliding down to sit against the hewn stone behind her seemed to cause parts of her to grind achingly against one another.
It looked and felt like good, solid work, and it had been hard to bring down - not hers, but probably one of the bismuths she’d known before… Before. Who knew where any of them were now? Probably shipped off-planet, long gone, all construction suspended until the uprising was taken care of...
“Because,” Pearl breathed, but it was enough to bring Bismuth back to the present, aching yet real and as solid as the rock pressed against her, “I know you.”
“Look, Pearl, I’m flattered, but we’re both not doing too hot right now. Moss is… gone.” Bismuth swallowed painfully, trying not to think about the glint of dark green shards she’d only glimpsed. “A-and I don’t think reinforcements will know where to find us - not in time, anyway.”
Pearl harrumphed, free hand going to her forehead almost in reflex, brushing against her gem. “It’s just a little hairline crack. I’ve had far worse, and so have you, and it failed to stop us. Besides, what kind of defeatist talk is that? That’s not like you at all. And Moss... I-I didn’t get to know her very well, admittedly, but I’m certain she wouldn’t want the time she bought us to go to waste.”
Bismuth sighed. “I know! I know, okay. I’m just... tired.” She allowed her eyes to drift shut, and her head to fall back to rest against the cool stone. “It’s been a long while, you know? And we keep losing people, and Homeworld just keeps bringing more Gems in, and it all feels like it will never be over - well, except like this. And believe me, I don’t want this any more than you do, but I’m really having trouble seeing an out right now.”
“Listen to them!” Pearl hissed, making Bismuth jolt out of her increasingly gloomy reverie and back into full awareness once again. Despite her failing hold on her own physical form and the telling way the tip of her sword was drooping low enough to scrape against the ground, Pearl made an effort to encompass with one gesture the entire dusty ruin of the deliberately caved-in passage separating them from their pursuers and would-be captors - or executioners.
Bismuth frowned, and tried to pick out anything at all from among the muffled noises of Gems hard at work attempting to break through and finish off the last of the intruding rebels. Failed, with their ruckus melding painfully with the pounding in her head and the ache lodged as deep in her chest as was possible, almost rending her apart. But Pearl didn’t leave her waiting for too long. “They’re laughing at us! Well they’re wrong. They take one look at us and think they know everything there is to know about us, a pearl and a bismuth – how much could there possibly be to know, right? But they don’t know anything. And we can show them!”
Bismuth squinted up at her - hardly the angle she was used to viewing Pearl from, but she had to admit it was a flattering one. Pearl was a magnificent sight to behold when angry and so passionately defiant. A sight she wouldn’t mind calling inspirational, even. She’d made enough very fine swords while drawing from that particular well, after all. “You’re really working hard on the whole rousing speech thing, huh?”
Pearl blushed, the usually vibrant blue muted under the dust of the collapsed ceiling, and seemed to consider something for a few long moments.
Then she leaned down, and kissed Bismuth soundly.
“Woah,” Bismuth managed eloquently once they’d broken apart, dazed in a much more pleasant way than she’d been.
“You’re... always the one bolstering everyone else. I thought-” Pearl stammered to a pause, fingers splayed over her own lips. “Someone should be around to help when you need it. It’s only fair.”
“It’s only fair,” Bismuth agreed, focusing on the clarity and sharpness and focus Pearl’s form held, so close to her now.
“Yes. Well. And there’s more where that came from,” Pearl muttered, one hand alighting gently on Bismuth’s shoulder, the other still defiantly struggling to hold up her sword.
This time, Bismuth felt a smile pull at her, and let it crack through the tired layer of dust and grime. “Is that right?”
“Yes,” Pearl’s tone brooked no argument whatsoever. “And you’re going to get up, and we’re both walking right out of here. And once we’re back at the base-”
Another kiss, this one leaving them both grinning, pain and discomfort and encroaching, grasping hopelessness abandoned by the wayside in favour of a heady spark of determination.
“Well,” Bismuth had to quip, “that’s one way of offering encouragement.”
It wasn’t so hard, then, to get to her feet, and to stumble on out, together, leaning on each other.
II. Forge
The first thing Pearl felt when she reformed were two bulky arms wrapped around her tightly. This wasn’t exactly unprecedented, as she’d been the willing victim of a celebratory toss or two courtesy of the same set of wonderfully strong arms on several previous occasions. It was also far from what she’d term unpleasant, even if the hold was getting rather vise-like.
“You can let go now,” Pearl managed to squeak out, barely. “I can stand on my own, I promise.”
“Well, maybe I don’t want to,” Pearl felt Bismuth mumble where her face was buried into her neck, the slightest tickle of warm breath against her shoulder, and the arms around her squeezed a bit tighter. “Maybe I’m worried that the moment those quick little feet touch the ground, you’ll be off throwing yourself at a five-quartz fusion again. What were you thinking?”
The citrines had been cutting a swath through the Crystal Gem vanguard, and quickly making for the hilltop overlook - for Rose, who had been preoccupied with the right flank. The decision had been quite easy and clear in Pearl’s mind at the time. To muddle matters further, Bismuth often showed open appreciation for what she called Pearl’s “stunts”, so seeing her this upset was a bit odd - and really, there was hardly much reason for her to worry. Rose’s tears meant physical recovery, even after a thoroughly cracked gem, never took too long. The rest of it was, perhaps, a different matter, but Pearl, drained by the hasty regeneration and still getting her bearings, didn’t particularly feel like arguing. She breathed a relieved little sigh when Bismuth set her down and let go of her, seemingly giving up on demanding answers and justifications.
Pearl looked around properly for the first time since she’d reformed, taking in the tent they were in, peeking out at what little she could see of the camp through the opened flap - not much, as it was dark outside. “Is… is the battle still going on?”
“A bit of a lull at the moment, but yeah. We’re expecting them to hit us with fresh reinforcements soon. You’re just in time,” Bismuth sighed, then turned to grab something from behind her and present it to Pearl.
“Here, guess you’ll be needing this.” She held out a sword. Pearl’s sword - not in a state to qualify as good as new, perhaps, but a far cry from how Pearl had last seen it, snapped under a citrine’s boot - a boot which had then proceeded to come down, mercilessly, on the dazed, sprawled form of Pearl herself.
“Oh!” She rushed to take it, feel the familiar grip under her palm. It was one of her personal favourites, simple but sleek and delightfully well-balanced, and even briefly seeing it in pieces had been upsetting, to say the least. “You fixed it!”
There was an odd air that Pearl couldn’t quite parse around the look on Bismuth’s face again. “I patched it up as well as I could out here. Should do for another few battles, as long as you’re a bit careful and don’t go after any more armoured citrine fusions with it. After that, though, you’re gonna need a new one.”
Pearl gripped the sword to her chest with both hands, fidgeting in place. “Thank you. I should- I should go and catch up with Rose. See what the plans are, how everything is going...”
“And offer some of your suggestions and corrections, no doubt,” Bismuth chuckled, placing a hand on Pearl’s back. “There’s just no slowing you down, is there?”
“Never,” Pearl agreed, even as her legs still felt slightly wobbly and all the cocky, daring challenge wasn’t back in the tilt of her chin just yet.
The smile Bismuth gave her had an element to it that could almost be called resigned as they stepped outside together. The nearly full moon provided enough light for all to see the banner of the Crystal Gems flying above the encampment, fluttering in the light night breeze, showing a bit of wear but still unquestionably proud and defiant.
Sometimes, Pearl fancied she could feel a matching fluttering in her own chest at the sight. It was an odd conceit, perhaps, and rather human, but there was something profound about seeing the standard made real like that, crafted out of surprisingly sturdy Earth materials and so utterly and undeniably tangible, when it had started off as little more than a dream turned into a light blue flicker projected into the darkness of a moon base.
“The rebel flag is pink, of course - a light rose quartz pink with darker accents. The vines set in a cross- no, no, quartering diagonally might work better- yes, behind the petals, just like that. I’m not entirely sure I like the thorn distribution just yet. Symmetrical would look much better, wouldn’t you say, My Di-”
And there was Rose Quartz, of course, right underneath her banner, just as sturdy and Earth-made and battle-worn.
“Hey, Pearl,” Bismuth’s voice, warm and reverberating and grounding all at once, startled Pearl out of her reverie and stopped her in her tracks after a few steps she wasn’t entirely aware of having made. She seemed far more solemn all of a sudden, even as her smile was still there. “Stick around, okay?”
Pearl chuckled nervously. “What do you mean? I have no plans of going anywhere anytime soon, stars know-”
“No, I mean,” Bismuth allowed a bit of frustration to seep into her voice, and placed both her hands on Pearl’s shoulders, enveloping them completely. “I don’t want to have to fix that sword again in the next few days, you hear?”
She clearly caught Pearl’s quick little glance to the flag and its general, both overlooking the battlefield-to-be.
“Look at her over there: big, strong quartz, with a big, fancy shield and, not to sing my own praises, but a damn fancy sword - she’ll be fine. And I know you, and I know you’re a little daredevil at heart, and we all love seeing you pull off those amazing moves you have.” Pearl smiled at this, and Bismuth smiled back, just a bit more outwardly light-hearted. “But believe me, she needs you by her side more than she needs you in front of her, taking hits for her.”
She coaxed Pearl to look up at her. “And hey, I need you around too.”
Pearl squirmed, and choked out the beginnings of a nervous protest. “Bismuth, I… Why this concern all of a sudden?”
“Trust me, the concern is the furthest thing from sudden. I hate seeing you get hurt like that.”
She turned away for a moment, that bit of frustration showing once again as she ran a hand through her hair. Pearl’s eyes followed the always distracting colours, bright and buoying even at night, even in the murkiest fog of the most terrifying, overwhelming battlefield.
“Need some enticement? How about this - come find me after the battle. No rushed regenerations, no Rose crying over you, no being carried by Garnet. Just you on your own two feet. And I’ll make you the fanciest sword you’ve ever seen.” Bismuth held out a hand. “Deal?”
Pearl took it, passingly fascinated by the way her hand completely disappeared in Bismuth’s own, and nodded. “Deal.”
Then Bismuth pulled her in and hugged her tight, and Pearl could think of no better way to seal the arrangement then to rise to tiptoe and give Bismuth a quick kiss, ducking back into the embrace before she could even hope to respond.
“You and your pep talks,” she murmured. “You’ve become far too good at those, you know.”
“What can I say? Gotta grow that skillset, right? We won’t always be at war, and not everyone is a collector like you, so I figure the demand for swords and such is going to be pretty low. And a Gem has to,” Bismuth grinned, and Pearl groaned, burying her face in her broad chest, knowing exactly what was coming, “stay in bismuth somehow, right?”
Pearl’s cheek felt warm where it was pressed against Bismuth, right next to her gem. The deceptively simple statement rang in the negligible space between them still. We won’t always be at war.
It stretched out before them all, the battlefield, seemingly endless and glittering with shards of friends and companions they’d already lost, and those they were yet to lose, and a rough, rushing sea of those desperate to put a stop to them and their cause. But the thought that there would be an end, that there was something else on the other side of it, something bright, and better, and for all of them to share - that, Pearl had to admit, felt like something one could fight for. Something to stay alive for.
The perimeter warnings rang out, and all around them the temporary encampment burst into rushed activity.
“See you on the other side, eh?” The hope in Bismuth’s voice was almost tangible.
Pearl nodded, determined as ever but promising nothing, then dashed off into the night.
III. Temper
On long nights like these, Pearl was the only Gem with her in the Forge. Mostly perched on a variety of surfaces she knew Bismuth wouldn’t need too soon, keeping her company and keeping herself out of the way. It was something she was disconcertingly good at, and Bismuth hated to think where and how she’d had to hone that particular skill.
But Pearl had proven herself to be the ideal companion during all the long, repetitive, slow, and sometimes frustrating processes that went into Bismuth’s craft. She seemed to understand better than near anyone Bismuth had come to know the devotion to perfecting an art, and the satisfaction of a job well done.
Bismuth, in turn, had spent long days and nights watching Pearl train, run sword drills, strive - and struggle - to perfect a single move over and over and over again. She felt immensely honoured to have been trusted with this, with the bitter bite of frustration at hitting a wall, at having to work against everything you had been made for, in order to be able to do what you wanted to and what you felt was right. They’d both had to learn so much - all of them had. And she’d wanted to curse and rail against her own limitations and mourn the knowledge and skills she’d been denied, just as much as she suspected Pearl did with her own imposed fragility and conditioned subservience.
But there was the other side of it, too: the dedication paying off and then some, the thrill of finally overcoming, the joy of progress that was hard to match. That click of things falling into place after refusing to for so long, and seeing, at long last, the wonderful end product.
(And then, sometimes much later, sometimes after mere hours, seeing how it truly fared on the battlefield.)
This particular project hadn’t been one of the more arduous ones she’d undertaken, but it did come with a certain weight and meaning attached. And a good, sharp edge on a sword was important, but hardening it too much into brittleness would be disastrous, both as a risk in battle, and as a painful and somewhat ironic reminder of the fate of Pearl’s last sword. She wanted nothing but the very best for Pearl - as was absolutely deserved.
And besides, she’d promised.
“One last quick dip, aaaaaand… done. Here you go,” Bismuth flipped the sword over in her hands after one final inspection, and offered it hilt-first through the rapidly dispersing steam. “Freshly cooled and ready.”
Pearl grasped it expertly (and, to Bismuth’s not-so-secret delight, eagerly), hopping down from her anvil perch. She gave it a few quick trial swings before settling the blade to see-saw on one outstretched finger. “Lovely balance. Exquisite as always, Bismuth.”
Bismuth felt warm, a warmth that had nothing to do with the surrounding lava, but a lot to do with the way Pearl’s eyes gleamed in the red-orange light, awe-widened and appreciative and appraising and critical and knowledgeable all at once.
“What are you doing?” She asked, reverie interrupted as Pearl held the sword back out to her, both arms outstretched, expectant.
Pearl seemed genuinely confused. “I’m… giving it back…?”
“What would you do that for?” To underline her point, Bismuth wrapped Pearl’s hands around the sword more firmly, and pushed it gently back towards her. “It’s yours!”
Pearl’s eyes grew larger still, reflecting the forgelight in a noticeably more watery fashion. “For me?”
“I made it just for you! I promised, didn’t I? I’m a Gem of my word.”
It took a moment for Pearl to look back up from the sword now held tight against her chest. “It’s beautiful, Bismuth, thank you so much, I-”
“Hey, hey come here,” Bismuth would never get tired of the way her hands engulfed Pearl’s narrow shoulders. Such a tiny thing, seeming so deceptively fragile, always ready to spring into action and all but thrumming with nervous and defiant energy. She’d called her Rose’s once, and never again. Not anyone’s, Pearl had said with more steel than it had taken to make both of her first swords, not anyone’s, Bismuth had agreed, and that was that.
It was beautiful and Bismuth loved everything about it.
Do you, now? What else do you love?
Bismuth cleared her suddenly oddly gummy throat, and quashed that distracting little voice. “Really nice job out there yesterday. They had no idea what hit ‘em.”
Pearl hummed an absent-minded agreement, still busy tracing careful fingers over the intricate, winding design of the quillons.
Bismuth scoffed, and tried for a different approach. “So it looks pretty, I agree - which is nice enough, I guess. But I was wondering more along the lines of… is it any good in a fight? I was trying out a few new things, went about making the crossguard a bit differently, shifted the balance just a tad, as you’ve noticed...” Pearl was nodding along, the living embodiment of interested, inspecting every inch of the sword as if she was seeing it for the first time. “So what do you say? Wanna give it a test run?”
Pearl’s delight was palpable, and her grin was absolutely infectious. “Oh, do I.”
So Bismuth grinned right back. It didn’t take a lot to have the anvil move just a bit to the right and out of their way. “Come on then, show me what you got - I’m not going easy on you today.”
The new sword flashed with all the reds and oranges of the forge as it arced through the hot air. “You wouldn’t dare to.”
And Bismuth absolutely wasn’t planning to, firmly planting her feet and shifting one hand into an axe. She swatted away the first few testing and probing strikes Pearl aimed at her, and refused to fall for any of her provocations and blatantly deliberate openings, no matter how fancy her footwork or how elaborate her cuts.
“Come on, Pearl, we don’t need warmups. I know you can do better than that!”
Oh, but that quick, sneaky, tricky little Pearl-
A mere second of distraction as Pearl seemed to so utterly convincingly dash to her left was somehow more than enough. Bismuth was off her feet and sprawled on the floor, left with nothing to do but stare down - up? - the blade she had so recently been working on, all the way up to Pearl’s eyes, playfully crinkled in a delightfully familiar smirk.
The next moment, the sword was gone, replaced with Pearl leaning down and pressing a surprisingly soft kiss to Bismuth’s lips.
“It’s wonderful,” she murmured. “Thank you.”
The warmth was definitely well past the point of a gentle forge-glow now. “Wonderful yourself. Fancy new moves, huh? Haven’t seen that one before.”
“Oh, hush, your charm won’t work on me.” The way Pearl adjusted to lie against Bismuth’s shoulder and trace a finger around her collarbone seemed to suggest otherwise, however, and Bismuth chuckled.
“But swords will?”
“What can I say? You know me too well.”
IV. Sharpen
It had been such a close call.
Sometimes it felt to Pearl like she was just waiting for the drop, for that one awful moment that would bring the entire thing down and send it tumbling into nothing. One misstep on her part, or on Rose’s - or on Pink’s - just one, just a tad too badly timed to recover from, and it could all be over so easily. And this whole incident with White Diamond - White Diamond! - sending over Gems from her court had come far, far too close.
The Crystal Gems had built up such an incredible, sprawling dream of a thing - but Bismuth would certainly have something to say about building on, well, not even shaky, but entirely non-existent foundations. If they could ever talk about it, that was. Maybe, once it was all over - over with them having won, of course - they could all sit down, perhaps in the comfortable warmth of the Forge when Bismuth wasn’t working, and Pearl could-
“Pearl!”
Speaking of.
“Hello, Bism- oof!”
The ground was gone from under her feet, and the sight of their current base camp was rotating around her fairly rapidly. But Pearl found herself in a familiar and reliable pair of arms, and relaxed, resigned to waiting until Bismuth was done celebrating.
“Pearl, you were amazing,” she enthused, somewhere in the vicinity of Pearl’s stomach after the latest joyful bounce. “That was the most spectacular thing I’ve ever seen.”
The arena duel and ensuing scuffle had been an absolutely harrowing experience for a multitude of reasons, but Bismuth didn’t need to know that - at least, not right now. Maybe one day in that promised bright future Pearl would be able to tell her all about how there had been moments during the fight when she’d been so sure the White Court Gems knew exactly who she was and what was going on, and were only toying with her before destroying both her and everything she’d ever fought for.
But they couldn’t have known, could they? It had to have been her nervous imagination in the face of an incredibly dangerous challenge, and juggling demands for Pink Diamond to make incredibly inconvenient appearances. After all, they hadn’t said anything outside of the by now expected jibes related to Pearl being, well, a pearl. And those she’d had more than enough practice with.
“You sure showed them!”
“Yes,” Pearl agreed weakly, but Bismuth’s joy was so contagious she couldn’t stay glum and worried and contemplative for too long. “Yes, I suppose I did.”
“Suppose? You beat White Diamond’s fearsome Milky Quartz champion! Single-handedly!”
And it was true, it really was. There had been no careful ruse or advantage gleaned from access to both sides of the conflict, or plain lies. Just her and her opponent, and all of her hard-won skill.
“I did, didn’t I?” Pearl acknowledged, the last of her hesitation melting away slowly but surely.
“I’m so proud of you. And hey, you did it using swords that I made, in an arena I built. I’ve gotta take at least some credit, right?”
Pearl laughed right along, and threw her arms around whatever part of Bismuth she could reach. After a few more exclamations of joy and twirls so exuberant Pearl felt for a moment they might end up fusing, Bismuth put her back down, but didn’t let go of her fully. Instead, she bent down as if in a courtly bow - she, who’d never gotten near even a whiff of any court - and gently took hold of one of Pearl’s hands.
“I have yet to meet someone I’m more honoured to equip. I do so love these hands, so strong - the way they wield a good sword, like none other!” She took the time to place a kiss on each tiny, pale fingertip, and Pearl felt her entire face burn. “My favourite patron, if I was one to play favourites.”
Pearl giggled, then took a knee and with a deliberately over-the-top flourish drew Bismuth’s hand into her own, and planted a kiss on its back.
“And I like these,” Pearl supplied, turning over the much larger hand between her palms. “So gentle and careful and skilled. I’m honoured I get to watch them craft the finest and most detailed of etching on the most elegant of blades.”
A truly flustered Bismuth was a beautiful rarity, and Pearl carefully committed to memory every second. “Sweet-talker,” Bismuth mumbled, with noticeably dusky cheeks.
Pearl smirked. “Maybe you shouldn’t test me.”
“Well, you know I like this too, this clever, clever head,” Bismuth shot back and playfully poked at Pearl’s forehead, just underneath her gem. “Even if you do get stuck in there a bit. You always come back to us.”
It seemed to be Pearl’s turn to be flustered once again. “Need- ahem. I do need a bit of a hand with that sometimes.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with that!” Bismuth proclaimed, pulling Pearl back up to her feet and slinging a casual arm over her shoulders. “Oh, speaking of heads. You know, I’ve been wondering, thinking about some stuff…”
Pearl grinned up at her, comfortably ensconced between arm and chest and momentarily utterly without complaints. “Mm, dangerous.”
“I know, right?” Bismuth gleefully grinned back. “So, what I wanted to know is… How’d you feel about armour? Think about it - something light but durable. Elegant while sturdy and protective. Flexible in all the right places.”
Pearl raised a thoughtful hand to her mouth. It was a tempting thought, but... “Oh, I don’t know. I rely on speed and mobility so much, it might be counterproductive...”
“Let me try? I think I have some really good ideas about how to make it work with your strengths. I’ve been itching for a project like that, a good challenge. You don’t need to do much, I’ll only need you for a few fittings. Besides… we’re fairly well-prepared at the moment, so nothing better to do during a lull in the fighting, right?”
A thousand replies crowded Pearl’s thoughts immediately upon hearing that, endless courtly and colony-to-be related duties required for keeping up appearances. At least the war being in full swing and the rebellion being at its apparent peak meant the lack of Pink Diamond’s signature balls and parties wasn’t as suspicious as it could have been.
But Bismuth was so earnestly excited and curious in that way Pearl knew and loved so well. And the images suddenly flooding her mind were extremely tempting, visions of herself gleaming and imposing on the battlefield - iridescent, perhaps - facing down Gems who thought less of her than the grit under their feet with a bit more of a fair chance, leading a valiant charge, banner in hand, Garnet and Bismuth by her side, rushing to Rose’s rescue-
“I’ve, uh, actually been working on some things already,” came Bismuth’s voice again, slightly bashful at her own eagerness. “Some early prototypes for articulated joints, nothing much. Was hoping you’d be down to try them out.”
Pearl beamed. “I’d be honoured.”
-
Homeworld, however, decided not to be so lenient as to allow them much downtime for experimentation and creativity. Worst of all, the current batch of attacks were mostly Yellow Diamond’s doing, meaning there was very little deliberate stalling or misdirection available to easily increase the Crystal Gems’ chances.
Pearl had managed to make it to only a few initial armour fittings, all during lovely and impressively productive but sadly rare hours in the Forge, and growing rarer still. Today was particularly subdued, and Pearl found herself listlessly sitting on the anvil as Bismuth rummaged around her workshop.
She seemed distracted so much of the time recently. But then, so was Pearl. Losses were mounting, Yellow and Blue Diamond were demanding another formal meeting with Pink, and excuses both she and Rose kept coming up with were wearing thin…
“I know we don’t have long today, but I thought you might want to see how I’ve started on the pauldrons.”
Pearl hummed in vague agreement, preoccupied with the looming upcoming battle and the ambush they were setting up. The ziggurat was a key strategic point on the main front of their current highly vexing conflict with Yellow Diamond’s forces. If they triumphed decisively enough, it just might prove sufficient to make her take at least a temporary step back, reconsider her insistence on interfering, and leave Pink Diamond to her own devices and colony-related fumbling. For educational purposes, if nothing else.
At least for a little while.
As she felt more than saw Bismuth fiddling around with bits of metal plate and straps around her left shoulder, Pearl sighed, and tried her best to focus on the here and now. One of her eternal weaknesses. “How have you been, Bismuth? I feel like I’ve seen less of you than usual lately.”
“Miss seeing me around, huh?” Bismuth grinned teasingly, though even that felt like a shadow of its former self.
Pearl’s expression and voice both softened. “You know I always do.”
“Aw, Pearl. I’ve just been busy around the Forge. And you know me, I’m perfectly fine - love tearing down Homeworld values. It’s an invigorating start to every morning. And sometimes they go down faster than toppling worn pillars in an outdated arena scheduled for demolition.”
Pearl cracked a small smile at that, but didn’t seem too convinced. “Well, if you’re sure.”
“You know I always am when it comes to that. Hm,” Bismuth jostled the pauldron-to-be hanging precariously off Pearl’s shoulder. “Yeah, this won’t work, I’ll need to space the buckles differently.”
As Bismuth moved away, Pearl caught a glimpse of the darkening sky outside and jerked upright, fully alert. “Oh, it’s so late! I need to go help with the final plans and preparation.”
Taking the ziggurat just might prove key to holding the entire hotly contested area, so Pearl wasn’t about to take any chances. And maybe… maybe that nice time After would creep just a bit closer after this victory.
Bismuth seemed deep in thought, and didn’t react or reply until Pearl hopped down from the anvil and stood right in front of her.
“Sorry,” she chuckled, jolting out of her own reverie. “Just… have a lot on my mind right now. And with the big battle any moment now and everything… it gets...”
Bismuth trailed off again, staring at the slowly bubbling lava. Pearl put a hand on her shoulder, rubbing what she thought might be soothing circles into it, trying very hard to think only of the upcoming battle and not of the last few calls they’d received on the diamond communicator, or of how Blue Diamond’s proclaimed disappointment might mean she was planning to make another personal visit.
“It gets to be a bit too much, doesn’t it just?” Pearl murmured.
As her hand traced down Bismuth’s back and felt her nod, Pearl marvelled, too, at the always eye-catching contrast between their builds. How different she and Bismuth were at first glance, but how similar they could be, and how well they fit together. How well they understood one another.
“So what’s troubling you?” Bismuth broke the brief silence. “Pre-battle jitters got you?”
...When circumstances allowed.
“Yes, that’s probably it.”
“Knowing you, you’ll be right as rain as soon as the fighting actually starts.” Bismuth was only partially teasing - Pearl knew her to be absolutely right. There was nothing quite like the very immediate danger of a battle to help one focus on the present, after all. “Hey, could you do me a favour? When you see her, let Rose know I need to talk to her as soon as she has time.”
“Of course.”
“Thanks,” Bismuth smiled, small and simple, but it did seem to reach her eyes. “And I’ll see you at the battlefield, I guess, if you come check in with the left flank.”
Something made Pearl stop before leaving with just a casual wave of her hand, drove her to turn her back to the steep exit out the slope of the volcano and dash back to Bismuth’s side.
“Here,” she leaned over and gave her a soft, restrained, but still heartfelt kiss, and wished she could give so much more. “For luck, as the humans say, just in case I don’t see you until after the fight.”
Bismuth happily pulled her back in before she could rush off again and held her close, as wonderfully warm and sturdy as ever. Pearl allowed herself several moments of surprisingly calm contentment. Bismuth’s hand cupped the back of her head gently but reassuringly, her large palm ruffling Pearl’s hair. “I’m hoping that maybe we won’t need luck anymore, soon.”
Pearl hummed in agreement. “I’d like that. Relying on ourselves, our own skills and wits and capabilities, not odd extraneous factors beyond anyone’s control.”
“That’s right,” Bismuth continued softly, still toying with the ends of Pearl’s hair. “And all of us, who we are, what we can do... we sure are impressive enough. They’ll see.”
Pearl tilted her head up to receive another kiss, and it felt so easy to forget, and believe.
V. Polish
To say the familiar form cresting the hill by the Temple was a welcome surprise would be the understatement of the past several millennia.
“Bismuth?” Pearl managed to breathe out somehow, already up on her feet and scrambling to cover the distance between them, not even pausing to shake off the sand she’d been sitting in. “How-? But everyone was- you were- where-?”
“I’ll explain everything, just- woah!” Bismuth’s attempt at a placating gesture was interrupted when Pearl collided with her full force, almost sending them both sprawling into the grass, or tumbling down the slope and into the sea.
There would be time for explanations later. For now, Pearl had to soak in the familiar feeling of her, gripping her apron, a hand, an arm, any part of her she could reach. When the fluttering in her chest got too much, she buried her head in Bismuth’s shoulder and promptly burst into tears.
“Aw, Pearl, come on, you know you’ll have me- aw, look, there I go,” Bismuth sniffled loudly in return, patting her trembling back clumsily.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it… I can’t believe you’re here! I thought I’d never see you again. You missed so much…” Pearl’s grip around her arm tightened until she seemed to be determined to wrap her entire self around the limb.
“Hey,” Bismuth chuckled through the tears, “at least I’m lucky you like us big, sentimental types.”
“I think I’m the lucky one here,” Pearl shot back, a pale shade of their usual banter to her words. She squinted up through her tears, trying to take in everything about the Gem before her, feeling a growing determination to never let her out of her sight again.
Another thing suddenly felt incredibly important to let Bismuth know, even if words weren’t exactly cooperating with Pearl at the moment. “I’ve… I’ve taken good care of them. You’ll see. They’re in my room, the sabers, the matching rapiers, the kaskara, all of them… as sharp as the day you made them. Absolutely flawless, I made sure.”
“I knew you would, I knew they were in the best of hands,” came the reply, a soft rumble from just above, and Pearl felt her hand encased in a much larger one. “You know I trust you with way more than just swords, Pearl.”
You shouldn’t, you shouldn’t, oh, if you only knew...
Bismuth then cupped her face with her free hand, work-roughened as always, but, as always, so very gentle with everything that demanded it, be it delicate filigree work or wiping away tears. Just like Pearl remembered.
“Any of the others around? I should say hi.” That ever-charming grin was bright on Bismuth’s face. “Garnet and I should really go for a dip a bit later. Bet she’s missed having company, with only you cute little melty types around.”
“Uh, excuse me,” Pearl managed to sound indignant just fine, stray remnants of tears notwithstanding. “I am certainly not ‘melty’.”
Bismuth playfully poked her nose, then hugged her to her chest, where Pearl nestled in happily. And it didn’t seem to matter at all how she’d managed to suddenly and miraculously return after five thousand years, or where she’d been, or how she knew who was around to welcome her back.
“Dunno. Seemed pretty melty to me just now.”
To her endless consternation, Pearl started crying once again.
“Oh, Pearl, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
“No, no, it’s not that! It’s...” Pearl wiped at her eyes, to very little effect. “You’re back. I thought I’d lost you a-and… we’ve just… lost so much. So much. It’s not fair.”
“Hey, now, none of that,” Bismuth carefully pulled Pearl’s hands away from her face and held them between hers lightly, the very embodiment of tenderness. “I’m right here, and I’m not leaving you again. Not if I can help it.”
Then she leaned down just a bit, just enough to seal the promise with a kiss.
Pearl jolted out of the reverie just as their lips met, and found herself just as alone, sand-dusted, and forgotten as when she’d first sunk into it. The stone of the Temple’s hand was cold and rough and unwelcoming against her back, and traces of sea spray made the diaphanous shawl hang forlornly around her shoulders. Nothing at all like… like...
It wasn’t the first fantastical daydream she’d conjured up tonight, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. She knew how she could get, when left to her own devices like this, and it had only gotten worse since Rose had announced her grand plan to... disappear. This particular instance just seemed to have more of a sting than Pearl had been prepared for.
Could you imagine?
Oh, she could. Could she ever! She had grown to be so very, very good at it. Hardly a surprise, though, when it so often seemed like she had so precious little left that was real, and so much she’d lost that she could never, ever get back - except like this, pale imitation or no.
What an unbearable feeling, to feel like she had lost everything, and yet was still somehow about to lose even more.
Pearl lowered her head back into her arms and burst into bitter tears.
VI. Wield
The night was a clear one, a gentle sea breeze driving away the last straggling wisps of cloud and putting the stars on full, glorious display. Bismuth let herself enjoy both the view and the sensation of the wind toying with her hair and the ends of her apron. It carried new, unfamiliar scents and sounds to her, reminding her of just how much she had to catch up on.
It both was and wasn’t the same sky she’d sat under and gazed up at before, the same stars she’d been ferried among from assignment to assignment. Being stuffed down in the holds of the cargo ships with the other bismuths hadn’t exactly given her the best view, but she’d managed to sneak a few quick observation deck visits here and there. Some of her earliest little rebellions: insisting she’d been sent to fix non-existent structural damage and stealing glimpses of asteroid fields and star systems and nebulae meant for more important and more valuable Gems than her.
And the sights had been impressive, certainly, but there was something to be said for the feeling of being grounded and solid and anchored that only the Earth had so far provided her. It felt natural, to dig deep into it, to stay close to its molten heart. It felt comfortable and familiar, even when she’d been a newcomer to the planet. It felt like the closest thing to home she could imagine for herself.
She buried her fingers in the sand for that extra little bit of grounding – it wasn’t much, but it would do for now.
The door of the beach house squeaked open, and she could hear the porch and stairs creak in response (wood!), followed by the soft padding of steps behind her. And there- there was the other part of home, far more important than merely the place. A home was no good empty, after all.
Bismuth turned as if to see who it was, even though she had more than a fairly good idea - she knew those quiet, ever-careful steps well. But Pearl was far too easily given to fretting and might have turned back and retreated amidst a chorus of second thoughts if she thought she’d gone unnoticed. Their eyes met, and Bismuth’s deliberate acknowledgement of her presence seemed to have done its job. Pearl very slowly walked over and sat down.
The silence was… strange. Nothing like the comfortable, companionable ones they’d gotten used to sharing during long working nights at the Forge. Small wonder - it was the first time they found themselves alone together after everything that had happened and everything that had finally come to light, and even the air felt heavy.
So they sat, a conspicuous and wrong-feeling distance between them. At least the ocean provided a nice backdrop, and Bismuth had to admit the regular rhythm of the waves lapping at the shore just loud enough to be heard was soothing.
“It’s been such a long time,” Pearl sighed at long last, after drawing her fifth perfect circle in the sand.
“Not for me.” It was more sad than anything, decidedly melancholy, but judging by the way Pearl winced some bitterness had still seeped through.
“I know. I didn’t mean… I just- I’m really glad you’re back! I’m so glad you and Steven worked things out and we can...” Pearl trailed off feebly, leaving just what it was they could all now do up in the air.
“It’s ok, Pearl, listen- I shouldn’t have fought the poor kid. I mean, didn’t exactly mean to, I thought…” Bismuth stumbled. “I didn’t believe him, and... well. I’m just glad I didn’t hurt him. He certainly doesn’t need more on his plate, or me adding to the… mess.”
Pearl made a little noise of frustration, and obliterated all her carefully drawn circles with one sweep of her hand. “It’s all so… complicated!”
“Not everything, maybe.” Bismuth tried for a grin, and a change of pace. “I heard about you and Peridot. Still striking fear into the hearts of new recruits who think they don’t need to respect you, huh? Just like old times.”
Pearl’s smile was grateful, so Bismuth pressed on. “And your most recent apprentice may be human, but she’s as impressive and dedicated as any Gem I’ve seen you train. The way she handles that sword is incredible.”
She was rewarded with a hum of acknowledgement this time, with Pearl preening just a little bit, and Bismuth tried, a bit too late, not to start thinking too deeply about the sword in question. About how apparently she and Rose had both felt the bite of the same blade, of the weapon she’d proudly called her finest work, yet to be topped (but she vowed, in the same breath, to try her utmost to grow beyond and surpass her own pink-hued best under Rose Quartz - and she would now have the time and chance to do so, hopefully).
And there it was, a subject she didn’t particularly want to broach, but that she knew would hang over them forever unless they dealt with it. Like a particularly stubborn pink cloud that insisted on throwing a pall over everything.
“You know,” Bismuth started off slow, tentative, and ginger in a way she wasn’t used to when approaching much of anything, “I’ve always admired Sapphire, the way she gave it all up, for Ruby, for Garnet, and then for all of us.”
Pearl had to have known what she was going for, but she didn’t say a word.
“And...” Well, here goes nothing. “What Rose did, it could have been just like that, right? She could have-”
Bismuth stopped herself, sighed, and dragged a weary hand over her face. “She could have done a lot of things. But she didn’t. And could have is the most useless couple of words in the galaxy, isn’t it?”
Pearl nodded, and looked up at her, surprisingly calm, and seemed to study her intently for a few moments. “You know, it’s a bit… ironic. You are so many things she so desperately wanted to be, and, well, never really could be. So many of the things I wanted her to be. Pretended she was. Hoped she would become...”
By the end, her eyes had dropped to the sand beside her, fingers once again tracing elaborate patterns in it. It could have been decorative lacework or the lines laying out a new circuit board - it was impossible to tell sometimes, with Pearl, the unlikely but wonderful meeting of both those worlds and a constant balancing act somewhere in between. Even more so than any of them had ever suspected, apparently - Bismuth had no idea how she felt about so much of it yet.
But there was one thing standing out to her that stung in a very particular, personal way. Bismuth’s smile was a sad, wry one. “Is that why it was always so easy for me to charm you? If you couldn’t exactly have your dream soldier girl from Earth turned glorious rebel leader, you could at least have the rough-and-tumble bismuth radical?”
Pearl’s face was aflame within seconds, and she sputtered. “I- no! It’s not like that! At all! I like you, I like who you are, and… and you’ve always been a charmer, and a terrible, terrible flirt.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t much like being the next best thing, or a consolation prize.”
“I don’t want you to be!” Pearl’s voice had risen in pitch a bit concerningly. “I just want you.”
Bismuth didn’t even have time to reel at the remarkably forward admission she wasn’t sure Pearl was fully aware of blurting out, or to ponder all the implications, because Pearl was forging ahead breathlessly.
“Just you. And you, you feel it all, and you let yourself feel it all, so very effortlessly. I know that was always a struggle for her. And the speeches, the encouragement, the banter. You just… do it, and get it, and there’s no other layer there, no possible ulterior motive, nothing separating you from everyone else. She never could manage that, no matter how much she wanted to.”
Bismuth harrumphed. “She could have lied a bit less, for starters. One burdensome layer gone, bam, just like that. And then we could all level the playing field on our terms, together.”
“It’s… not that simple.” Pearl was staring off into some vague mid-distance, with a look in her eyes that could only be described as lost. Bismuth decided very quickly that she hated it.
“Maybe not. But it could have been a lot simpler than it ended up being.”
Pearl sighed. “As a wise Gem recently told me, could haves won’t accomplish much.”
“Wise, am I now?” Despite the weak smile she tried to sustain, the mood was tangibly subdued. “I guess… I guess I didn’t know you too well after all, did I? All those hours together in the Forge, all those times you were upset about things it turns out I couldn’t have begun to understand, but thought I was getting absolutely right… I thought I was helping.”
“You were!” Pearl was so quick in her attempts to refute all doubts, she almost jumped up from her seat in the sand. “Oh, Bismuth, so much, you have no idea. I don’t know what I would have done without you so many of the times, I really don’t.”
“Well, you seem to have made it just fine after I… after I was gone. And don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you did. I’d never want you of all Gems to be...” She trailed off.
Pearl barked out an uncomfortably sharp, high bit of utterly unamused laughter. “Bismuth, quite honestly, I have been an absolute mess. There’s a part of me that’s almost glad you weren’t around to see.”
Bismuth’s brow furrowed deeply. “Hey, listen. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do any of those horrible things. It was…” Her? Them? Who were they, the Diamonds, the elites, Homeworld as a whole? Assigning blame had sure gone up in difficulty too.
“Maybe,” Pearl replied, obviously not believing that at all. “I’ve certainly done my fair share of awful blundering. Stars, just ask poor Garnet, she has not had an easy time thanks to me. And I could have handled so many things so much more gracefully, I-”
“Could haves,” Bismuth murmured again.
Pearl sighed, and her voice was small when she continued, slowly, as if she was picking out word by word. “It’s still so hard to believe that anything I do actually matters. That what I say means something to someone, that someone is actually listening and being affected - by me of all Gems. That my actions have weight, that they… really can make a difference. And that this can be both good and bad.”
She burst out in an unhappy laugh again, and Bismuth knew better than to interrupt, even as she hated seeing Pearl like this. “Oh, listen to me! All those centuries trying to assert myself, all that posturing and the sparring and showing off and arguing with Gems who thought themselves above me just to prove a point... and I never really proved the point to myself.”
Pearl rubbed a hand over her face. “Ahah, there I go, and you’ve only been back, what, a day? Clearly I’ve missed late night Forge confessions more than I thought.”
Bismuth gave her best sympathetic and not at all casual shrug. “Well, I bet being forced to keep those heavy, heavy secrets sure didn’t help.”
“I wasn’t even forced, at first. Sometimes I wish I’d taken the chance to tell someone, anyone. And afterwards, I should have tried harder. Should haves, yes, yes I know- but I’m so relieved! I’ve never felt lighter in my life, gravity constants be damned! But… but there’s a part of me that hates it, too, that’s so scared. Because… oh, you’ll all look at me differently now,” Pearl shook her head. “Hah, as if it matters. Stars, I’m such a coward.”
I don’t think you’re the coward, Bismuth wanted to say, but stopped. It felt a bit too much like picking a pointless fight just now. “She really did us dirty, huh.”
“You kept her secrets, too,” Pearl pointed out, sounding, to Bismuth’s ears, mildly accusing. “You never told us why you were in that bubble, or what you’d tried to do, or that you’d fought like that! That she- that she lied to us. That she lied to me.”
Pearl’s voice was so small and hurt by the end - really, all of her was - Bismuth felt herself getting choked up, while at the same time anger flared up in her chest. But there was a particular brand of overprotectiveness she knew Pearl despised, anything that made her feel like she was being treated as fragile, and so she squashed it all down the best she could.
“I guess I was trying to… I don’t know.” Besides, it wasn’t like she needed help making her answer a struggle. “I don’t even know what I was trying to do, or preserve. I believed in her so much, I-” Bismuth’s voice hitched, despite her best efforts. “I guess I shouldn’t have bothered, huh? But whatever she did to me, whoever she turned out to be, she still...”
“I know.”
There was a brief moment of hesitation, then Pearl reached over and laid a gentle hand over Bismuth’s. It was nothing like the exuberant tackle of their reunion, but it felt surprisingly solid in all its tenderness, and far more befitting the mood.
Pearl hummed. “I’ve been thinking, lately-”
Bismuth cocked an eyebrow. “Sounds dangerous.”
It got her the smile she’d been going for, a sincere one at the old, old exchange. Pearl affected her most scandalised tone. “I know, isn’t it just? Imagine that, a pearl, getting ideas.”
“The way I’ve been told the story, that’s exactly what got us all into this mess. And you know what?” Bismuth turned her hand over, grasping Pearl’s. “I’m glad it did.”
Pearl blushed bright blue, but made no move to shift her hand. “M-maybe. But... ahem, but back to the point. With everything that’s happened, and with all of it coming to light, I’ve had to think about things. And I think in the end, yes, her encouragement was certainly important, as was being given that chance, but… you did so much of it yourself. It was you who acted on that encouragement. I just think you shouldn’t sell yourself short.”
Bismuth had to let out a small chuckle at the way Pearl had quickly resorted to something very much resembling her favourite lecturing tone. “Hey, I’m not the one here who’s a pro at that.”
“Yes. Well. I’m...” Pearl looked down at where their hands lay entwined in the sand. “It’s a work in progress.”
More than five thousand years, and despite everything, and in the face of frankly overwhelming setbacks, Pearl adamantly refused to stop trying. There was a lot to love about that, was one of Bismuth’s firmest beliefs. “In that case, I’m honoured I get to be around to see it.”
“Yes! You’re here.” Pearl almost shouted, a very sudden vivacity to her, and Bismuth had to stop herself from falling over backwards in the sand. “We can… try something. Now. Properly. You’re back! It still feels like a real wonder, and a gift. And I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so happy!”
She took Bismuth’s hands between both of her own and held them to her chest, looking up at her with the most heartbreakingly hopeful and only slightly teary look. “We can… build?”
Bismuth smiled back. “My area of expertise, isn’t it? Might know a thing or two about going slowly, laying a good foundation, planning and looking to the future, and just what heights could be reached…”
Her reward was a near-tackle and a proper Pearl cling, with a head laid against her shoulder. “Oh, that’s new. I’ve known you to be many things, but poet isn’t one I recall.”
“What can I say?” Bismuth raised a hand to ruffle the always downy hair, and marvel at the softness. “I’m in inspiring company.”
Pearl reached over and thwacked her arm lightly. “Oh, you.”
They sat together for a while longer, and Bismuth quietly enjoyed the tender, tentative touches to her shoulders, slender fingers running up almost to her neck, and the slightly ticklish feeling of Pearl toying with the apron ribbon tied at her back, as if she still needed reassurance that Bismuth was truly there.
The moon was high in the sky by the time Pearl spoke up again. “I do realise that this is only the beginning, that we have, oh, so much to talk about. But we’ve made a start, haven’t we? And we have time now.”
There were cruel diamond-shaped shadows still hanging over them, looming and heavy enough that even in her brief time back Bismuth had become keenly aware of them. But, tiny in number or no, they were still here, weren’t they, fearsome rebels all? And they were anything but done.
The look on Pearl’s face was irresistible, the silvery shine in them only highlighting her wide, hopeful, and almost pleading eyes. We have time.
“Yeah,” Bismuth murmured back, deciding to trust it. “All the time in the world.”
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Sheith playing monsters and mana with the gang
Disclaimer: Idk like anything about DnD so most of this is wikipedia and guessing with a little creative license thrown in
“So I just make stuff up and you guys react to it?”
“Sort of. We all play off each other, and Coran controls the rules and our level of skill for each activity,” Pidge explains.
They’re seated in a wide circle on pillows and beanbag chairs that they’d dragged to the roof of the Garrison, all wrapped tightly in blankets and comfy pajamas. Allura and Coran seem to have fully adopted the tradition of brightly colored fuzzy socks from the Holts, and Krolia has thrown on a pair of Garrison issued sweatpants only reaching mid-shin borrowed from Keith’s collection. The night is luckily not cold enough to drive them away, but the slight chill in the air calls for the comfort of thick cotton and the small fire they created in a makeshift fire pit in the middle of their circle.
Keith remembers the last time he’d been on this roof, back when he wasn’t allowed, when he was still just a student at the Garrison, when Shiro’s loss was still fresh. He liked to come up here to stare up at the stars and remind himself why he was there. Sharing it now with his extensive family felt better than anything he ever could have imagined. 
Keith glances at Krolia, who looks equally as confused as he, as Coran finishes explaining the rules and then Shiro, who gives him a small encouraging smile.
“It’s actually pretty fun,” Shiro says shrugging. Keith thinks he believes him, especially when Shiro looks at him like that.
“Yeah, but remember you’ve been banned from being a paladin,” Lance says with a hostile squint. Shiro’s resulting pout is so adorable that Keith forgets to ask why the ban had been placed.
“Oh, I’m so excited!” Romelle says with a clap of her hands. The mice sway dangerously on her shoulders with the movement though they seem content to stay where they are. “I haven’t played Monsters and Mana since I was young. It was one of my favorite games growing up.”
Hunk gives her a shoulder nudge along with a grin, which she returns.
“Okay it’s time to choose your character class everyone. Due to the number of players and to keep it easier for the newcomers, everyone will keep their actual names for their characters. Now remember to be as creative as possible here! Think outside the prism, as you humans say,” Coran says with a quick twist of his mustache.
Keith thinks to correct him but decides to stay silent on that one, noticing the rest of the humans present do the same. He and Shiro make eye contact and stifle chuckles behind their hands. 
“Alright, Number 1! You go first.”
“Okay,” Shiro says. He rubs at his chin like he’s thinking really hard on the topic. Keith enjoys the small flutter in his chest at the action. His fondness for Shiro’s idiosyncrasies seems to grow everyday. “I’m going to be a Monk who is the last surviving member of his monastery. Ever since the day my people were slain, I’ve vowed to protect others from the evils of the world, and my goal is to one day close the portal that leads to the Dark Ruins of Hades and prevent anything like what happened to him from happening again.”
“What is Hades?” Shay asks, raising her hand into the air a little.
“It’s an old Earth version of Hell,” Hunk explains.
“Oh, I see.” She pauses long enough for Coran to take a breath and then says, “What is Hell?”
“Um, let’s just call it the Dark Ruins of Evil,” Shiro says quickly. 
“Your character is basically the same as always,” Lance said.
“He’s technically not a paladin,” Pidge says. though she sounds resigned.
“Number 5! You’re next,” Coran says.
“I’m a rogue,” she says immediately. “I used to be an inventor until one day I was cheated of all my blueprints by a rich lord who sold them as his own. Now I spend my time screwing over the rich by stealing their most precious items and hoarding them simply just to annoy them and make their lives difficult. I sell stuff when I need money. I hope to eventually run all the rich freeloaders out of my village.”
Everyone absorbs that in quiet for a moment. “Geez, Pidge. You sound like you have a real grudge,” Keith mutters.
“She’s been watching a lot of documentaries to catch up on recent events on Earth, and her latest one was about the detrimental gaps in income between the economic classes,” Matt explains.
“It’s totally ridiculous! Haven’t they learned their lessons from back during the two-party era? Trickle down never works! People are suffering because our political leaders can’t get their heads out of their asses,” Pidge fumes. 
“I don’t know what most of that means, but moving on,” Coran says. Shiro gives Pidge’s shoulder a comforting pat. “Krolia, it’s your turn.”
“I think I will pass on this round,” she says. “I would like to observe first to better understand how the game is played.”
“Suit yourself,” Coran chirps. “Onward then. Lance!”
Lance smirks. “I’m an assassin.”
“You were an assassin last time,” Pidge complains.
“No, I was an assassin thief last time,” Lance corrects. Hunk snorts. “This time I’m a killer for hire, one of the best, if not the best in the business, going by the code name Dark Shadow.” He accentuates his words with broad gestures, and Krolia has to duck more than once to avoid being smacked in the face. “I’m known for getting the job done quickly without any witnesses. Nobody has ever seen me and made it out alive. Except for my latest job. I was sent into a trap by my last employer and barely made it out. The one I was supposed to kill saw my face, so now I’m trying to hunt them down and get rid of them before they can reveal anything about my identity to the world. But they are highly trained and difficult to catch.”
He spreads his hands and wiggles his fingers, slowly gazing around the circle. Keith lifts a brow at the action and takes note of Allura’s quiet giggle from his left.
“That’s actually pretty cool, dude,” Hunk says approvingly and offers a fist bump across Romelle’s lap that Lance gladly accepts.
“Alright, Romelle,” Coran says. “You’re up.”
“Oh, yay!” Keith can’t really figure out just exactly how her eyes seem to actually sparkle. Then suddenly they turn dangerous. “I am a barbarian known in my village as one with unparalleled strength. I’m the protector of my people, chosen through a long, strenuous set of trials. Any who have challenged me have been swiftly defeated. I specialize in brute force fighting and can use my strength to create trenches and break stone. I’ve been known to take out whole armies with just a few blows. Most run away scared as they know the stories of my power.”
“So, you’re just like really strong?” Pidge says.
“Well, yes.”
“Are you an orc or something?”
“I suppose I could be.”
“Do you have an objective?”
“Oh,” Romelle says frowning. “Well…I am…looking for love. Most fear me and it makes finding love quite difficult. I wish to find someone who will not be afraid, who respects my power and loves me for it without wanting to change me.”
“Awww,” Hunk coos. “She’s just lonely. Being the top of the food chain can be really tough.”
“Yes, it can,” Romelle says solemnly, slowly nodding.
“Number 2!” Coran exclaims. “It’s your turn.”
“Oh, okay. Let’s see… I’ll be a ranger,” Hunk says.
“What’s up!” Lance says with a grin. 
“I’m the apprentice of a master archer, but my master mysteriously disappeared before my teachings could be finished. Now I rely on the research he left behind to teach myself while I search for him in hopes of finding out what happened. Most signs seem to point to an evil force, but I don’t have a lot to go on. I’ve mostly been traveling around to try and find clues and learn all I can from other rangers and fighters to better my skills with archery and in knife handling.”
“Oh, that’s quite interesting, Hunk,” Allura says. “I’m curious to know what happened to your master.”
“Way to step away from your branches, Number 2!” Coran says.
Keith sighs but once again refrains from saying anything. He can hear Shiro snickering again, feels the soft shaking of his shoulders from where he’s pressed against Keith’s right arm.
“You’re up, Shay!” 
“I…” She hums quietly for a long moment. “I am a cook at the King’s palace! I work there to keep my family fed, but one day there is a fire at the castle and I am separated from them during the panic. Unsure where to go, I travel in hopes of finding where they’ve gone. Along the way I learn new recipes and make lots of friends with my meals!”
“Well, usually you want to choose one of the traditional classes,” Coran says uncertainly.
“I don’t know. That one sounded pretty good to me,” Hunk says. Shay beams at him.
“You could choose one of the magic-based classes, something a little less based in fighting ability,” Pidge suggests. “Maybe a cleric with healing abilities or a druid with nature magic.”
“A cleric! I can heal people with my special recipes,” Shay says with a satisfied smile. 
Hunk gives her a thumbs up of approval. 
“Well, that will be quite useful,” Allura compliments. Keith is inclined to agree. A healer seems a good idea for any group quest.
“And onto Matt,” Coran says.
“I’ll be a warlock,” Matt says. “I made a pact with a reaper demon to gain power, but only so I can get revenge against the sorcerer who killed my parents. The power has twisted me so sometimes I am consumed by dark urges though I fight against them. My powers are of the undead and necromancy.”
“That’s pretty dark,” Pidge says approvingly. 
“If you can bring the dead back to life, why not just revive your parents?” Krolia asks.
Matt sputters a moment. “It’s different,” he argues. “I can awaken the dead but not permanently. And the souls tend to be warped and darker than they were when they were alive. I would never put my parents through that!”
“If they are twisted and only half-there, then I would imagine they don’t feel much of anything,” Krolia says.
Matt narrows his eyes. “It makes sense,” is all he says.
“Alright, moving on,” Coran interrupts. “Let’s see, my turn. I will be the trusty in-keeper again, here to advise and guide you as you embark on your quest.”
“You’re not going to be evil again are you?” Lance asks, pointing a finger across the circle.
Keith grunts in surprise. He hadn’t heard about that part. He can see Shiro frown from his peripheral and almost laughs at his genuine displeasure.
“Yeah, that was totally uncalled for,” Hunk jumps in.
“It is all part of the game,” Allura tries, though she doesn’t sound like she agrees much with her own words.
“That was pretty harsh for our first time playing, though,” Pidge says.
“At least you guys didn’t die multiple times,” Shiro mumbles. 
Keith actually has to hold back a snort at that and runs a soothing thumb over Shiro’s knuckles where his hand is pressed to the floor behind them. Shiro interlocks their pinky fingers before he can pull away.
“You will just have to wait and see,” Coran says cryptically and the paladins all groan. “Allura, I believe it’s your turn.”
“I will be an assassin of Fae descent. I am Dark Shadow’s nemesis.” Lance gasps, face lighting up. “We’ve been hunting each other ever since he first attempted to kill me and failed. I was also sent into a trap, set to kill him, but he got to me first. There is a larger conspiracy going on which I will soon discover, one led by dark magic. I have only just discovered some of the true nature of the situation and now wish to team up with Dark Shadow though I must figure out a way to do so without him killing me first.” Lance looks on the verge of tears now, and Keith wonders how they have yet to simply confess to one another yet. “Oh and I go by the code name Blue Dragon.”
“Yeeeeesssss,” Lance whispers. 
“Nice, Princess,” Coran says. “And lastly it is your turn, Number 4…oh well I guess you’re Number 3 now aren’t you. You’ve grown a bit.”
“Wait, what?!” Lance exclaims. “No, I’m number 3! The numbers have already been decided. It doesn’t matter if he grew. Besides he got 2 free years. I bet I’ll end up taller anyways.”
He crosses his arms, glaring at Keith heatedly. Keith doesn’t much care who’s taller, but he can never resist riling Lance up.
“The numbers can change, Lance, and I’m taller now. Deal with it,” he says with a shrug.
He can practically see the steam roll off Lance’s head. Shiro interrupts before a full argument can start.
“I don’t think the number system was ever going to work long-term. Maybe we can think of something different, Coran?” he says with pleading eyes.
“Oh, of course! I love coming up with nicknames,” Coran says. “I’ll have to think on it a bit though. They’ve got to be really good. Besides we have more members on Team Voltron now. It’ll probably take a tick or two.”
“That’s fine,” Shiro breathes, shoulders relaxing as everyone in the circle visibly warms at the reminder, though Krolia turns a little green at the idea. He shoots Keith a chiding look who simply shrugs in return, though he gives Shiro’s fingers a squeeze.
“So what’ll it be, Keith?” Allura asks.
He can see his mom watching him with curiosity and knows she’s taking mental notes for the next round. 
“I’ll be a fighter who is half…elf,” Keith says slowly. “I am a master sword fighter with special skill in dual blade welding.” Krolia nods along. “I am searching to learn more about my human side since I grew up among my mother’s people in the…mountains. Mountain elves.” He looks at Shiro for confirmation and gets an approving nod. Keith maintains eye contact with him as he continues. “Along my travels I met Shiro. I immediately admired his goal to protect and decide to follow him. I travel with him and help him protect the weak and investigate the…Portal of Evil?” Shiro shrugs in a dismissive gesture, though he’s smiling softly. “In return, he helps me research my father’s family and learn more about humans. He’s the first human I trust.”
“Ugh!” Lance groans loudly.
Keith snaps out of whatever fog he’d fallen into. He snaps his gaze away from Shiro, trying to push away the heat he can feel crawling up his cheekbones.
“Can we just establish that they’re married already or something so they don’t spend the entire game trying to get in each other’s pants?” Lance continues.
Now Shiro’s cheeks light up, color blooming evenly across smooth skin and camouflaging the scar across his nose. Keith coughs awkwardly, attempting to think of a retort.
“Somehow I doubt that will stop them,” Pidge says dryly. 
“I second that idea,” Hunk says raising his hand with a finger pointed to the sky. “It’s better than letting them run completely wild.”
Shiro exhales forcefully.
“I think I have to agree,” Allura says with a wince.
“All those in favor of establishing a union between Shiro and Keith, raise your hand,” Coran commands.
Every hand in the circle goes up. Keith looks at Krolia in betrayal though she only gives him a knowingly raised brow. 
“Okay. Sorry Shiro, Keith. It looks like you’ve been voted into marriage,” Coran says shrugging.
Keith sighs but accepts it. He can’t say the idea doesn’t please him anyway. 
“I guess that means we’re married, then,” Shiro says.
Keith tries valiantly to ignore the way his stomach flips at that. He feels a little better when he notices the slightly constipated look on Shiro’s face that suggests he’s feeling the same way. That’s a conversation for much later with a lot more privacy though. 
“I guess so,” Keith says weakly.
“Time to roll for first play!” Coran says. 
Keith bites his lip and focuses back in on the moment. He and Shiro have all the time in the world now to think about that stuff. Right now, he wants to take advantage of this rare free time with his friends, even if he has to stumble along for the first hour of the game. 
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