#once again im super grateful for your support!!

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

╔══•.·.☆.·.♥︎.·.☆.·.•══╗

scum of the earth

╚══•.·.☆.·.♥︎.·.☆.·.•══╝

ʚ Naoya Zen'in x chubby fem reader ɞ

Part 1 ♥︎ Part 2 ♥︎ Part 3 ♥︎ Part 4 ♥︎ Part 5

❥ Word count: 12.9k

❥ CW: chubby fem reader, blatant fatphobia (i.e. name calling, insults, just all around horrible behavior), angst, mild violence (somebody gets punched), drinking (i.e. getting drunk), vomiting, mentions of suicide, lots of communication, smut, face sitting, somewhat dom reader near the end

❥ A/N: heyyyy bitchessssss aldklajfla hope yall're doing well 💕 welp! It's finally here! It's much longer than i thought it would be but im happy with how it turned out. I hope you all enjoy it as well :) thank you for being patient and sticking with me on this journey. I'm very grateful for all your support and kind words about this series 💕

You were tougher than you looked. 

Naoya thought you would crack pretty quick, forty minutes, an hour tops. But there you were across the room, laughing along with his aunts, his little cousins running around and stopping by your side every so often. He watched you lean down and let them whisper something in your ear, taking a long drink when you smiled and looked back at them, telling them something in response. The scene would've usually tugged at his heart strings, made him want to put a baby in you and start a family of your own, but right now it made him sick. You shouldn't be over there: you should be by his side, giggling at his jokes and leaning in when he'd whisper gossip to you. You should've been next to him so he could wrap his arm around you, pull your chair closer to his, maybe move his hand down to your ass and squeeze. He could practically hear you whine in protest, pushing on his chest and pouting, complaining about him being so handsy when people were around–

"Are you listening?"

Naoya sighed, tipping back his glass of whiskey before glancing at the woman beside him. She was the daughter of some big-wig his father had invited, blonde and thin, her spray tan a bit darker than it should be. He was pretty sure her tits were fake too, but he wasn't certain.

"No, not really. What did you say?" She scoffed, leaning towards him, her breasts pressing against the fabric of her chest. Wasn't her outfit a bit too revealing for a black tie event? You were dressed much better than her, more mature, stunning–

"I was saying that I was going to go to Belize next month but Daddy is telling me that I can't go until I act more 'responsible' but like I've already found a super cute bikini and I invited all my friends–"

God, he didn't care, he didn't fucking care. This was quite possibly the last thing he wanted to be doing, listening to some ditzy twig talk about her stupid vacation. He wanted to be beside you, wanted to talk to you. He was still staring at you, wondering if you had considered this a vacation before you got mad at him, if this was something you'd want to do again when you weren't so angry, once you'd forgiven him. Maybe he could take you on a trip to Bora Bora to apologize, lavish you with gifts and enough attention to make you sick. He'd love to see you in a slutty lil swimsuit, something small and tight that squeezed you just right. Maybe he could get a private beach so he could keep you away from the lingering gazes of other men. Plus, he could always take your swimsuit off himself on that isolated shore and–

"Oh my God, you're not listening!" Naoya sighed and rolled his eyes, standing up and giving the girl a fake smile.

"Sorry, hun. Gotta go take a piss. Go find somebody else to talk to."

She scoffed as he walked away, mouth hung open in shock, but he didn't care. He moved around the tables and crowd, barely paying attention to the busy dance floor. His eyes were on you, on the curve of your back as you leaned forward on the table, smiling brightly as you typed away on your phone. You were alone, Keiko and Keiya off doing who knows what, so Naoya took the opportunity to pull out the seat next to you and sit down. You glanced up, frowning once you saw him, tensing as you looked back at your phone.

"So… you gonna ignore me all night? Or are we gonna act like adults and talk through this?"

"I have nothing to say to you," you spoke flatly, not peeling your eyes from your phone. Naoya pushed down his frustration, stifling the urge to yell and demand your full attention.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think it would hurt you. I should've talked to you before introducing you to my dad." You didn't say anything, still typing on your phone, making him anxious. "I said I'm sorry."

"I heard you." He waited for you to continue, but when you didn't say anything else, he instinctively filled the space.

"Look, I'm sorry, I really am. Just let me make it up to you, okay? We can go away somewhere and just relax for a couple days, shit, we could leave for a couple weeks if you want, I don't care, just–"

"I don't want to be around you anymore, Naoya. I deserve better."

"Babe, please–"

"Please don't call me babe anymore. I don't wanna talk to you." You took a deep breath, grabbing your champagne glass and taking a sip. "I will be civil to you for the rest of this trip but I don't want anything to do with you once we get home." Oh, he didn't like that answer one bit. Desperate times.

"And what if I don't let you go home, huh? What if I just cancel your ticket and force you to stay?"

"Keiya said she would help me out if I needed anything." Shit.

"Oh, yeah? What else is Keiya gonna do for ya? She gonna take you shopping? Make you her sugar baby? Eat your pussy?"

"Y/N!!" Naoya stopped when his little cousins ran up to the other side of you, grabbing your dress and patting your leg. "They said they would do-do the chicken dance if-if-if enough people asked–"

"We wanna do the chicken dance with you!"

"Can you ask them pretty please? We wanna dance the chicken dance!" Your laugh was light and glittery, sweet as nectar, and Naoya found his anger melting at the sound. How could someone have him wrapped around their finger with just a giggle?

"Alright, alright, I'll go ask them. Are your mom and aunt gonna ask too?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Yep!"

"Okay, then let's all go ask together. I'm sure they'll play it if we ask nice enough." The twins cheered, bouncing as you stood up. Naoya quickly reached out, wrapping his hand around your wrist, making you look back at him confused.

"I'm not done talking." Your eyes darkened and you gave him a look he had never seen before: one of absolute indifference.

"I am." Your gaze did not falter as you shook him off, glaring at him before reaching for his cousins' hands, smiling down at them. "Let's go, ladies." You walked off without another word, not looking back, not giving any indication that he even existed to you. He felt his hands twitch as he watched you walk off. He bit at his lower lip, chewing it into oblivion as he looked down at his whiskey glass, mind racing.

Okay, she doesn't want to talk. That's fine. Two can play at that game. You can ignore her too. She'll be back at some point. But as his eyes trailed back up to you—as he saw how you smiled brightly at people you had just met—a small voice in his head arose.

She's not going to come back.

Okay, maybe she won't come back right away, but you can make it up to her. You've won plenty of women over after much worse actions. Maybe you could send her flowers or do one of those stupid grand gestures that they do in romance movies, show up to her job and get on your knees, beg her to forgive you. You can put on a show if it means getting her back.

As if that would make her forgive you. She's never shown interest in those things before; why would she start now? Naoya watched you across the reception room, leg bouncing as he saw his aunt Keiya lean towards you and whisper something in your ear. He felt his stomach churn when you tossed your head back and gave a heartfelt laugh. See? She doesn't need you. She never did. Why would she choose you over the dozens of other people who would treat her so much better?

She doesn't have dozens of people lining up to date her–

How do you know?

Oh, God. He didn't know. He didn't know at all. There was so much uncertainty around you—your past, your goals—did he even know what your favorite color was? What was your last name again? Did you even have parents? You two never talked about your families…

A large hand clapped onto Naoya's back, almost launching him into the table. He choked on his drink, stifling a cough as a boisterous laugh sounded beside him.

"Jeez, looks like somebody can't handle his liquor."

God damn it all.

"The fuck do you want, Naotake?" The elder Zen'in whistled, leaning down to get a better look at Naoya.

"Damn, who shit in your cereal this morning? Can't even give a polite 'hello' to your big brother?" Naoya gulped down his whiskey, sending his brother a glare.

"Maybe I would greet my brothers if they were worth my time."

"Just as cold as usual, I see. But seriously, how have you been? Haven't seen you since Ogi's wedding and that was years ago." Naoya kept quiet, staring at you from across the hall, watching you sway lazily with one of his little cousins in your arms, their cheek squished against your shoulder. His brother hummed, putting his hand on Naoya's shoulder. "Girl trouble?"

"Fuck off." Naotake gave a laugh, patting his shoulder.

"C'mon. Let's get you a refill." Naoya glanced down at his glass, sighing when he realized it was empty save for a bit of leftover ice. He begrudgingly stood up, pausing when his head spun for a moment, quickly recovering before walking to the bar with Naotake.

"Whiskey Sour or Old Fashioned?"

"Just straight."

"Shit, really? You must really be having a hard time." Naoya wanted to make a snide comment back, but his right temple pounded uncomfortably, leaving him mute. His brother didn't seem to care: he ordered a whiskey on the rocks for Naoya and a highball for himself, pushing a five dollar bill towards the bartender.

"So," he started, pushing the far-too-filled glass of whiskey to his brother, leaning against the bar, "what's her name?" Naoya stayed silent, contemplating his empty glass before pushing it away, grabbing the full one and tossing it back.

"Y/N."

"Pretty. How'd ya meet her?" Another chug, one that weighed heavy in the back of his throat, making his mouth sticky.

"She's my neighbor."

"Cute. So, you flirt with her by the mailboxes one day and make your move, or did it take time to ask her out?" Naoya's head felt heavy, like there were too many thoughts spinning around in his skull, weighing him down.

"We're not dating." The words came out without much thought, but the implication behind them left a hard pit in his stomach. Oh, God, is this how you felt when he had just called you his neighbor, indicating that you were nothing more? Did you feel just as sick and worthless as he did right now?

"Not dating? So why did you bring her?" Why did he bring you? Why did he whine and complain when you first said that you didn't want to come? Why did he insist that you spend time with him in a far away place?

"I… well, I wanted her to come."

"I understand that, but why?"

"Why are you interrogating me? Is it a crime to bring a plus one that you're not dating?" Naotake held up a hand in surrender.

"Hey, I didn't say anything like that. I'm just confused as to why you brought along a girl that you're not dating. Dating isn't really your style in the first place so I'm lost."

Dating really wasn't his style, for a multitude of reasons. Strict rules and a lack of a caring motherly figure in his childhood home: he just wasn't raised to love like that. Naoya had always considered himself a bachelor, going from woman to woman, enjoying them until he had his fill and then leaving them without any consideration for how they would feel waking up in an empty bed. He never liked the thought of dating, of being tied down to just one person, worried about the endless list of risks. He probably took that after his father, one of the many things he would inherit in his lifetime.

But then you came along, plump and beaming and filled to the brim with a sincerity he wasn't used to. He knew very well how fake people were in his world, singing his praises of how wonderful he was, the best Zen'in son, the clear heir to his father's empire. He was used to the exaggerations and the brown-nosing from strangers and friends in hopes that he would sprinkle a bit of his wealth onto them, blessing them with a fraction of his destined fortune. He knew how to sniff it out, how to play the game so he could trail people along as long as he liked until he grew bored and left them behind. He could taste the tracest amount of saccharine; he had grown accustomed to its flavor, to its artificial taste.

You, on the other hand, were pure sugarcane, sweet and honest and real despite how artificial the rest of the world was. It was refreshing, in a frightening way. Is that why he bullied you in the beginning, treating you like absolute garbage? Was he just so unused to genuine kindness that it made him build his walls even higher, turning him cruel and defensive and downright bitter?

"So, you're not dating but you brought your neighbor along with you anyways. Are yall fucking or something?" Naoya paused when his drink reached his lips, shrugging and downing the last of it, putting his glass on the counter and signaling for the bartender to refill it.

"I guess."

"Well, you are or you aren't, but if you brought her along then I assume you're at least fucking." Naoya pulled his newly filled glass back to him, swallowing down some phlegm building in the back of his throat. "Okay, then let me ask you this: does she matter to you?" 

What kind of question was that? Of course you did. You mattered more than people he knew since kindergarten, more than friends and family who only cared about him because his presence alone had benefits. And that didn't even scratch the surface of all the bullshit expectations he had to live up to.  You mattered so, so much; why couldn't you see that? Did one word really mean that much to you? Would being his girlfriend really have solved the inevitable downfall of your relationship? You would've left him sooner or later: either he would get bored or you would realize, just like today, that you deserved better. Why tie you down with a label when you would free yourself from it eventually? You both knew that he was trash; if it wasn't for his dad's money and influence, nobody would give him a second glance.

"To be honest, if you are fucking her, I'm surprised. She doesn't seem like she fits your standards."

"What?" he snapped at Naotake, glaring at him through the haze of booze coursing through him. Naoya's brother shrugged, staring straight ahead.

"I mean, she's kinda pretty, but not really hot. You always went after the hot girls so I'm just shocked that you went after a… big girl like her, ya know?"

No, he didn't know. What the fuck was his brother talking about? Not hot? Jesus, how blind could he be? You were absolutely radiant tonight; Naoya wasn't sure if he'd ever seen you so beautiful before. You looked like an angel, absolutely glowing under the hall's chandeliers, and this idiot had the audacity to say you weren't hot.

"If you don't see how hot she is then that's your problem."

"Ooo, someone's getting defensive. You sure you aren't dating?"

"Fuck off."

"Alright, alright," he mumbled, turning around to lean his back against the bar. "I'm just confused, I guess. I mean, you've always been an ass man so I can kind of see why you chose her—" how dare he look at you "—but I can't see the appeal of the rest of her."

"Naotake. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it."

"Sure, but you know me. I like to give my opinion regardless!" He let out a hearty laugh, but Naoya didn't see what was so funny. He didn't see why his pathetic elder brother would laugh about something like this. "But seriously, Naoya, a fat girl? I just… I don't know, man, she's not ugly but she'd look a hell of a lot better if she cut the carbs and worked out once in a while."

Oh, that made his blood boil, which was odd since Naoya would've said something similar not even a year ago. But it was different coming from a stranger, from a nobody that didn't know the first thing about you. He'd never know how soft the wide expanse of your skin was or how sweetly you keened when someone squeezed your tummy while pounding your perfect cunt or how your round cheeks felt when he cupped your face and you smiled. He was just spouting ignorance at this point. Regardless, it pissed Naoya off.

"Like her face is pretty and all, and sure her tits look good, but Jesus, you can see her belly pushing up against her dress and shit. It looks gross. If you are fucking her, you must do it from the back all the time so you don't have to see it."

God, is this how Naoya used to talk? Was it the booze making him realize how terrible this all sounded? Considering all the horrible things he once said about your body before he knew you, no wonder you were so willing to drop him the minute he fucked up.

"I mean, credit where credit is due, she's got a nice rack on her. Bet her areolas look like bologna slices, huh?"

Naoya downed the last of his drink, setting it on the counter with a thud. He was getting tired of this, getting sick of hearing his stupid, worthless brother go on and on about you, talking about you like you were nothing more than a toy to be used and discarded.

You have no right to complain. You treated her the exact same way.

"To be honest with you, if you're not dating then I may take her for a spin. At least then I could find out what all the fuss is about with a whale like her–"

It all happened so fast. The wind-up, the followthrough, his older brother falling to the floor and grabbing his cheek. Naoya hadn't even fully processed that he had punched Naotake until his hand started to throb, blood rushing to the point of contact. 

He was breathing heavily, eyes glazed as he stared at his brother, not blinking until one of his distant family members rushed over to help him up off the ground. Naoya inhaled sharply, head spinning as he looked up at the reception. Not many had noticed what just occurred, but it was enough to make him shrink in on himself. He could see his father's disapproving glare across the room, his bimbo of a receptionist sitting on his lap, clinging to him tightly. Naoya's eyes struggled to scan the attendees, eventually settling on you. You were staring right back, eyes wide in shock or fear, your hands holding his cousin's head towards your shoulder so she couldn't see the events that were unfolding. 

His stomach twisted horribly as he struggled to swallow. He turned his back on the crowd, looking up at the nervous bartender. He leaned against the bar, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket.

"Gimme the bottle."

"S-Sir… I'm not sure if —" Naoya reached out quickly, grabbing the poor man by the collar, pulling his face close.

"The bottle." The bartender gulped, grabbing the nearby bottle of whiskey and putting it up on the counter. Naoya released him, tossing him a bill of unknown value before snatching the bottle, rushing out of the reception.

Stupid stupid stupid, he repeated as he trudged to the elevators, pulling the cork lid off and drinking straight from the bottle. He hit the wrong floor at first, but corrected himself after focusing on the numbered buttons for far too long. The elevator made him woozy, but he made it out alive, wobbling down the hall as he gulped down too much whiskey. Hopefully he'd feel better after a short shower and some sleep. Maybe he wouldn't be so miserable in the morning.

No. Who was he kidding? He deserved to feel this shitty, to drown his sorrows in alcohol until he blacked out. What better punishment than misery for the scum of the Earth?

"Are you sure you wanna go alone, hun? We can send one of his uncles up with ya."

"No, I'll be fine."

"Alright… I'm just worried he'll get violent with you too." You paused, contemplating her words.

"I'll be alright. I can take care of myself." Keiya gave you a sympathetic smile, holding out her hands to take Mai. You transferred the sleeping girl to her aunt's shoulder, rubbing her back soothingly before smiling at her. "Thank you for looking out for me tonight. I really appreciate all of it."

"No problem, hun. If you need anything—anything at all—you've got my number, okay?" You nodded, giving the woman one more side hug before pulling away, waving at Keiko before leaving the reception. It was a short trip to the elevator and up to your floor: you didn't see Naoya anywhere along the way, assuming he would be in your shared room having a temper tantrum of sorts. A part of you didn't want to check on him, wanted to make him wallow in misery for a while, but you were better than that. You still cared about him despite it all. You'd made a strong emotional connection with him; you couldn't get rid of those feelings within a couple hours, despite how badly you wished you could.

You were shifting through your clutch to find your key card, looking up and slowing down once you reached your room. There was Naoya, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, head slumped to one side and eyes closed. There was an empty bottle of whiskey beside him, his jacket on the other side, bow tie unraveled and resting around his neck.

"You look like shit," you muttered mostly to yourself, shaking your head as you took in the pathetic display in front of you. Naoya peeked at you with one eye, soon closing it and slumping back.

"F'rgo ma card." You shook your head, snorting softly.

"And after all the nagging you did to make sure I had mine." You leaned down to pick up the empty bottle and his coat, shaking his shoulder. "C'mon, asshole. Let's get you in bed." He groaned, slouching even further towards the ground.

"Don' wanna."

"Although I would love to leave you out here as a way of revenge, I'd feel bad. Get up." Naoya huffed, giving a weak attempt at resisting your hand tugging at his upper arm. He got to his knees eventually, pausing for quite a while before getting up on his feet with your help. He wobbled and you struggled to steady him, but he found his footing and was able to stand while you unlocked the door. You pushed it open with your foot, keeping an arm around his waist as you guided him inside.

"Jesus, Naoya, what am I going to do with you?" He huffed, leaning too much of his weight onto you.

"Where's Y/N?" Oh, wonderful, he didn't realize who you were. You weren't sure if that made things better or worse.

"I don't know," you lied, dropping his coat and the empty glass bottle on the table near the door. He grumbled something incoherent, leaning further into you, making you groan. "Naoya! Come on, this is ridiculous, you gotta get up!"

"Wan' Y/N… where is she?"

"Jesus Christ," you lifted Naoya's chin, forcing his dazed expression to point to you. "I'm here, see? I'm right here." He blinked groggily, struggling to straighten up and stand on his own. Once he did, he cupped your face, squinting at you, pushing your chubby cheeks together.

"Y/N?" he slurred. You sighed, nodding into his hands. He sucked in a breath, his eyes softening considerably before he pulled you to him, burying his face into your hair. "Oh, baby, I missed you. Missed you so much."

You relaxed yourself as best you could in his grasp, letting him squeeze you tightly. It was better to let him do as he pleased while he was drunk; the last thing you wanted was for him to stumble and get hurt if you tried to push him away. You pat his shoulder, letting him breathe in your scent.

"Ma sweet baby, ma pretty girl. I missed you so much, beautiful." You braced yourself for his eventual wandering hands, expecting him to reach down and squeeze your ass as best he could in his drunken state, but his hands didn't move. His arms stayed wrapped around your shoulders, one hand bracing the back of your head, keeping you secure. You weren't sure how long you had stood there before he pulled back.

"My sweet girl," he muttered, leaning down to press a sloppy kiss on your lips. It was lazy and uncoordinated, wet and messy. You kept your mouth sealed shut, face twisting at the strong smell of alcohol suffocating your senses. Maybe you should just push him off, maybe call for somebody to come take care of him so you wouldn't have to deal with this—

You didn't have time to decide. Just a moment later, Naoya pulled away, staring blankly for a minute before releasing you and rushing into the bathroom. You heard the toilet seat open followed by the sound of him gagging, apparently throwing up. You cringed, grateful that he at least didn't release his stomach contents on you. You sighed, kicking off your heels, moving to your suitcase.

You entered the bathroom with a glass of water and a headband, cautiously moving to Naoya's side. He was keeled over the toilet, his head hanging over the bowl. He spit out some phlegm, heaving a bit and breathing heavily.

"Here," you cooed, gently stretching the headband over his skull, slowly pulling it so his hair was held back. "There. At least your hair is out of the way." He didn't respond when you pulled away. You moved to a shelf holding towels, grabbing a washcloth and going to the sink. You drowned it in cold water, wringing it out before going back to Naoya. You pressed the washcloth on the back of his neck, brushing aside a few hairs with your free hand.

"I wish I was dead," Naoya blubbered, his mouth covered in a layer of saliva, a string of spit leading into the toilet.

"No, you don't," you replied, moving the washcloth to his forehead, pressing the cool towel against him. "You're just drunk and you don't feel good."

"Nobody would care." He leaned further against the toilet, arms hugging the bowl. "Y/N wouldn't care. She'd be happier." Ah, so he forgot who you were again.

"No, she wouldn't." You wiped his mouth, cleaning off the spit, standing up and walking back to the sink.

"Yeah… she would. She hates me. Ev'rybody hates me."

"No, they don't." Where was this coming from? Naoya was the most narcissistic, egotistical jerk you had ever met. Suddenly he was depressed? It doesn't add up, you thought, going back to where he kneeled.

"Ev'rythin would be better if I was dead," he babbled, sighing when you laid the cool washcloth on the back of his neck. "Wanna jump off a buildin."

"Don't talk like that," you whispered, rubbing his back. He grew silent, suddenly hunching further over the bowl and throwing up some more. You winced, turning away slightly as he upchucked, spitting out the last of it.

"'m a piece a shit." Well, you couldn't argue with that. "I miss her sho, shooo much. I wanna kiss 'er." He leaned back on one hand, almost falling over as he reached for his phone in his back pocket. He fumbled with it, slowly pressing against the screen before lying down on the floor, letting the phone fall beside him. You could faintly hear your phone buzzing in the next room, vibrating in your clutch bag. Was he really calling you? You waited to find out.

You could hear your voicemail play on his phone, making him moan pathetically. He weakly kicked his foot, a sad attempt at a temper tantrum. The tone beeped and Naoya turned his head towards his phone.

"Y/N," he whined, drawing out your name. "'m sorry. Please don' hate me. I miss you, wantchu so bad. Please come back, I love you sho much. So shooooo much."

You felt your heart clench at the gloomy display in front of you. Why did this have to happen now when he was drunk and sad? Why couldn't he have declared his love for you when he was sober, when he was coherent, when he could look into your eyes and mean every word? He was only saying these things because he was upset and lonely and drowning in alcohol. It was disappointing, leaving your stomach in knots as he continued to babble on to his cell phone.

"I can't do this," you whispered, sluggishly leaving the room. You reached behind you to unzip your dress, tugging it off, letting it fall to the floor and stepping out of it. You crouched beside your luggage, grabbing your sleep shirt… the one Naoya had given you weeks ago. Your pride told you to toss it aside and choose something else, but it was soft and smelled good. It had made you feel safe and secure on the hard nights you spent alone, when Naoya wasn't around to hold you tight and make all those dumb insecurities disappear. You snuggled the fabric for a moment, breathing it in, heart aching.

"It's not fair…" you mumbled, feeling tears prick at your eyes. "Of all the assholes to fall for… why'd it have to be you?"

Naoya awoke with a pounding headache. He could feel his heartbeat behind his eyes, his stomach churning as he gained consciousness. Shit, he thought with a groan, bringing his hand to his head, squeezing the bridge of his nose. What happened last night? He hadn't drank like that in ages, the last time being a huge frat party celebrating some sport's team. He reached around, fumbling on the nightstand until he found his phone. He squinted as he looked at the time, groaning when he saw that it was barely past five am. He put his phone back down, reaching behind him, searching for you–

Wait. Naoya inhaled sharply, hurrying to turn on the nightstand lamp, turning around to see the empty space beside him. His heart beat faster as he grabbed his phone, swallowing when he didn't see any message from you. He dialed your number, sitting up as the phone started to ring. He heard a faint vibrating, making him furrow his brow. He looked at your side once again, seeing your phone on the nightstand. What the–

He heard the toilet flush. He waited, watching light shine out of the bathroom before flickering away. You walked around the corner, rubbing your eyes, squinting at him. The two of you stared at each other for a moment before Naoya realized he was still calling your phone. He hung up, setting his phone down and looking back at you.

"I… I didn't know where you were." You sniffed, shrugging and trudging tiredly to your side of the bed.

"'m here," you mumbled, pulling back the covers and plopping down on the bed, sighing as you snuggled into your pillow. He gazed at your back, his heart clenching terribly.

"Are you still mad at me?" He waited for a response, watching you all the while, swallowing when you didn't answer. "Look, I know I messed up and I'm so sorry, Y/N. Please let me make it up to you." 

Still nothing. The silence was consuming him, suffocating him, dragging him down into the abyss where he worried he could never crawl out. He cautiously laid down behind you, slowly inching closer to your back.

"Please, Y/N," he pleaded again, hesitantly reaching out to fiddle with your loose nightshirt. It was a gift from him yet you still chose to wear it: that meant something, right? If you really hated him, you wouldn't have bothered to put it on. You would've tossed it aside but you were wearing it. It had to be a good sign… right?

"Y/N," he whispered again, itching for a response, for some kind of acknowledgement. God, this was like when Toji visited all over again, when you ignored him as best you could for almost two weeks straight. He couldn't stand that silence, that distance from you. It was worse now that you were right here beside him, within his reach and yet miles away.

"Please talk to me." He could feel it now, that terrible bubbling in his throat, shooting towards his eyes and making them burn. Fuck fuck fuck–

"Please say something," it was barely a breath, so soft you could've mistaken it for a breeze, but there was a crack you heard that made your eyes open wide. You listened, confirming your suspicions before you sat up quickly, turning on the lamp beside you before looking back at Naoya.

"Are you crying?" He froze, his face flushed a brilliant scarlet as he sunk under the covers quickly. You didn't let him hide for long, tugging at the sheets and exposing him to your gaze, causing him to shrink and huddle into the t-shirt you helped him into last night. "Naoya," you called, putting a hand on his arm just for him to curl further into himself, trying his best to avoid your touch. "Naoya… Naoya, look at me."

"Mm-mm," he mumbled, shaking his head under his clothes. You sighed, feeling how his skin was burning, hands trembling slightly as they covered his face. You placed your hands on top of his, gently coaxing them away.

"Don't hide from me." He didn't move as you laid down beside him again, just a few inches away from him. His hands were twitching slightly, a result of him trying to control his involuntary shaking. You rubbed your thumbs against them, trying to soothe him. You stayed quiet as you reached for the hem of his shirt, tugging it down slowly. Naoya was tense as you moved, eyes squeezed shut as his face was exposed. You could see tears staining his rosy cheeks, his lower lip tugged between his teeth.

"Naoya… why are you crying?" He shook his head, turning onto his stomach to bury his face in his pillow.

"'m not." God, he was such a terrible liar. Even when you could clearly see the truth, he still insisted on putting up a front.

"Why are you crying, Naoya?"

"Fuck off, 'm not cryin'," he grumbled turning from his stomach to his other side, his back to you. Seriously?

"Why do you do this?" Naoya sniffled, glancing over his shoulder at you.

"...What?"

"This," you gestured towards him, pushing yourself up into a seated position. "Acting all sad and pretending you want me and then pushing me away." Naoya frowned, turning onto his back and wiping at his face.

"I'm not pretending to want you—"

"Seriously? That's the part you're worried about? Not the 'pushing me away' bit?" He huffed, propping himself up on his elbows to face you better, his depression morphing into rage.

"I'm not pushing you away—"

"You're so delusional—"

"What?" You scoffed, shaking your head and crossing your legs, leaning over to rest your elbows on your knees.

"Fine, well, regardless, you get all huffy and puffy when shit doesn't go your way but the minute I'm upset with something, suddenly it's 'you're overreacting' and 'why are you so upset', as if my feelings aren't as valid as yours."

Naoya paused, brow furrowed. Did he do that? He couldn't remember ever doing it, but he wasn't exactly reliable when it came to recollecting how he's hurt people. It really shouldn't have surprised him that he didn't remember anything you claimed he did. He slowly sat up, contemplating your accusations.

"I… I never said your feelings weren't valid."

"You didn't need to." Your voice was laced with venom, thick and wet and oh so sad. "It's how you act, Naoya. You're allowed to get angry or upset whenever you want, but when I do it…" You drifted off, letting the silence consume the two of you before shrugging hopelessly. "It feels like my feelings don't matter to you."

"What are you talking about?" he spoke softly, scooching closer to you. "Your feelings do matter—"

"Since when?" you snapped, whipping around to glare at him. "From the moment we met, you rarely considered my feelings on things." You held up your hand, hooking your index finger on your opposite pinky. "You insulted me for months, acting like the shittiest neighbor ever, making all kinds of noise. You basically forced yourself on me the first time we fucked, and after that you practically manipulated me into being friends with benefits." You lowered your hands as you turned away, picking at the skin around your nails as you continued. "Then once I finally think you're becoming a better person, you go back to being yourself once Toji shows up. And then you treat me like shit again and get upset when I don't want to be around you anymore. And then you force yourself onto me again. Do you see a pattern here?"

Yes, he did, but not because he wanted to. Have you always disapproved of his actions? Did you truly dislike how he's treated you? He knew he was crass and rude at times, but he thought you still accepted him at the end of the day. How blind he had been…

"I… I didn't…"

"Every time I think I'm done with you, you bring out the best in yourself and make me forgive you. You make me fall for you over and over again and it's making me nauseous." 

Now that… that caught his attention.

"You…" He paused, licking his lips. "You fell for me?" Silence again, absolutely deafening. 

"... Yeah. And I hate it." Fuck, that hurt to hear. You fiddled with your fingers, smoothing out the skin as you spoke. "I don't want to like you. You're such an asshole most of the time but then when we're alone you get all soft and sweet and make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world who matters. It's so fucking infuriating." Naoya scoffed, almost chuckling, moving to sit beside you as his knuckles brushed your arm. 

"Babe, you are the only girl in the world who matters to me—"

"See?" you snapped, yanking your arm out of his reach, making him flinch. "You're doing it again! Making me feel bad for ever disliking you and trying to win my favor…" Naoya opened his mouth to speak, soon closing it shut and biting his tongue. Silence settled over the two of you again, like a warm blanket, heavy and suffocating.

"I feel like," you started, wringing your hands, "like I'm the only one who's honest about their feelings. Like I'm the only one who says how they truly feel." He furrowed his brow, trying not to glare at you out of the corner of his eye.

"What are you implying?"  You huffed, turning back to him.

"Oh, come on, Naoya. You've hid your feelings long enough."

"What—"

He shut up when you grabbed your phone, watching curiously as you tapped away at it, increasing the volume. He blushed when he heard his voice ring out.

"Y/N! 'm sorry. Please don' hate me. I miss you, wantchu so bad. Please come back, I love you sho much. So shooo—"

"I—T-Turn that off!" he stuttered, reaching for your phone, attempting to pull it away and shut it off. You kept it out of his reach, getting up on your knees and holding your phone over his head.

"Why? This is how you really feel, right? Or were you lying last night to make me like you again—"

"I wasn't lying—"

"So you do like me?"

"I…"

Naoya curled in on himself, looking down at his hands. He rubbed his fingertips a bit, chewing his bottom lip incessantly. You waited patiently for him to continue, to give some kind of explanation for his behavior recently. Instead, he sighed loudly, mumbling a curse under his breath as he lowered himself to the bed, staring up at the ceiling. You relaxed, turning off the voicemail he sent you last night, sinking down to the bed with him. It felt oddly calming laying beside him like that. Despite your anger and frustration at his actions, it was still nice to be alone with him, to see him for who he truly was.

"You remember when you didn't talk to me for, like, two weeks? Back when Toji visited?" He glanced over at you, inhaling sharply when you nodded. He swallowed hard, tucking his chin to watch his hands fumble with each other. "Seeing you doing so well without me pissed me off. I wanted you to be miserable. I wanted you to be sad and angry. I wanted you to want me back, but… but you were fine." His hands squeezed each other hard, rubbing dangerously rough, almost cutting off circulation. "You didn't need me around. You didn't need me before we started fucking and you don't need me now. There's nothing keeping you with me. You're doing just fine on your own. I don't… I don't add anything to the relationship. I might as well be dead weight. You don't need me."

You scrunched your face up, propping your head up and resting your cheek against your palm.

"How long have you felt like this?" you whispered, feeling surprisingly tender considering who you were talking to.

"Since you ghosted me, when Toji was around." He clenched his jaw, looking back up at the ceiling. "And it… I mean, it hasn't gone away. I know you could ghost me again any day now. And I wouldn't blame you, I don't think. You'd be better off without me." You frowned. Where was this coming from? Was this really the narcissist that acted all lovey-dovey and then left you hanging so many times? It felt so unlike him, so raw and open. You weren't sure how you felt about it yet.

"Why do you say that?" you asked quietly.

"Oh, come on, Y/N," he practically groaned, looking at you before motioning towards himself. "Look at me. I'm a spoiled rich kid, I've never had to work a day in my life. My only redeeming quality is my money and even then that doesn't fix every situation… I know you feel the same."

"Naoya, I—"

"I don't blame you. I mean," he sighed loudly, running a hand over his face, "it fucking sucks, but it's not like you're wrong for thinking that. If I died today, it's not like it would change anything. The world would keep spinning, my family would be fine. You'd be fine. But just the thought of you not talking to me anymore makes me wish I was dead. If you were gone forever? Shit, I don't know what I'd do. Probably become an alcoholic like my dad. Who knows?"

You could feel your heart breaking, the sharp pang of sorrow flowing through you. This wasn't the Naoya you had met so many months ago, who had insulted you and made you feel worthless. You were hesitant to say that this was the real Naoya, the one whose walls were broken down and he was laid bare, unprotected and vulnerable. Raw, pure, honest.

"Naoya… I had no idea you felt this way…" He shrugged.

"You shouldn't have to. It's not your fault. I'm just stupid and selfish—"

"Hey—"

"—honestly, sometimes I think everyone would be better off without me—"

"Stop."

Your hand found his chest, pressing down, urging him to stop. He tensed under your touch, but he didn't try to push you away. He sniffed, clearing his throat, a single tear falling past his lashes and moving down his temple. If you hadn't been staring, you would've never noticed it. You laid down beside him again, your hand beginning to draw circles on his sternum. 

"Is this really how you feel?"

"... yeah…"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I… I don't know. I thought you might come to your senses and leave me sooner." You sighed, resting your cheek against his shoulder, frustrated in a dozen different ways.

"We could've talked about this, Naoya."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I just… I don't know." You gave a half smile at his awkward wording, tapping his chest lightly.

"You're not very good at communicating your feelings." Naoya scoffed, his arm slipping around you, gentle but secure. You didn't push him away, feeling strangely safe under his sturdy limb.

"Yeah, well, it's not like I got any practice as a kid." You hummed.

"Was your childhood really that bad?"

"No… I mean…" Naoya sighed, his hand beginning to rub circles on your back, soft and soothing. "I got everything I wanted. I didn't have to worry about the same shit as other kids, but I never had a mom and my dad was never around. I was pretty much raised by tutors and governesses and shit."

No mother? You propped yourself up just a bit, tucking your chin into his chest, gazing at him curiously.

"What happened to your mom?" He shrugged, the motion making you shift a bit, but his arm kept you securely against him. You were surprised that you found it comfortable.

"I don't know. She left when I was a baby, when I was less than a year old. She wasn't happy with her life and so she just got up and left one day. I don't remember anything about her. Apparently I have her eyes."

She must have had very pretty eyes, is what you instinctually wanted to say, but you kept your lips pursed together, absorbing his words.

"...I'm sorry you had to go through that, Naoya." Another shrug, a lopsided smile to try and ease your worries.

"Eh… it's whatever. I've been over it for years."

A lull fell over the two of you, weighing you down. It wasn't uncomfortable like it was before, at least not to you. Your mind was racing with the information Naoya had just disclosed to you. His past didn't excuse his actions, but it explained it a bit. It made sense that he was closed off and defensive, the fear of abandonment settled deep within his amygdala, dictating his actions before he could even process the situation he was in. It was a natural fight or flight response: he'd been so used to fighting that his normal response to anything was to act defensive. At least then he could try and avoid being hurt.

"Look… if you're gonna leave me, please just rip the bandaid off now and—"

"Shhhh." Your head found his chest, cheek squished against his bicep as you tried to think. Naoya hurt you, as he did many times, and he apologized just like he had all those other times in the past. You knew he could very well hurt you again—that's what his pattern of behavior was suggesting. You knew that he could very likely make you cry and feel miserable, treat you like shit, beat you down again and again until you were a shell of your former self.

You should break up with him for good. You should leave him. This is what he deserves. He deserves to be miserable. He deserves to feel like shit. He's an awful human being and he doesn't deserve to be happy. He doesn't deserve you.

And yet…

"Are you sorry for all the times you've ever hurt me?" you asked, breaking the silence between you.

"Yes," Naoya replied instantly, his arm holding you close, snuggling you to him. You lifted your head, staring at him intensely, making him wince under your gaze.

"Are you really sorry?"

"...Yes." Your eyes narrowed.

"You hesitated."

"Well, shit, I'm just trying to figure out where you're gonna go with this. Like, what's the point—"

"Shush." He quieted, watching you sit up beside him. You glanced at a random point in the room, looking back at him seriously.

"If you admit that you love me, I'll accept your apology."

Oh, that got his attention. Naoya perked up far more than you anticipated, his skeptical scowl disappearing as he propped himself on his elbows.

"Really? You mean it?" he asked, his voice light and hopeful. It made your stomach flip in the best way. Damn him for being so cute.

"Yeah, I do." Naoya paused, licking his lips as he silently weighed his options. He chewed his bottom lip for a moment, his face getting redder the longer time passed. He suddenly cleared his throat, lifting his gaze so he could look at you.

"I… I, um… I love you…" You leaned towards him, tilting your head.

"And you mean it?"

"Yes."

"With your whole heart?"

"Yes." Your heart started to pound, that familiar lightheadedness from the beginning of your relationship rearing its head.

"You're sure—" Naoya groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Jesus, yes! Yes, I mean it."

He was frustrated, clearly, but that blush was still there, pink cheeks glowing under the soft light of the bedside lamp. You let his words settle in the air, a hint of a smile playing at your lips as a thought developed in your brilliant brain.

"Hmm… say it again." He blinked owlishly.

"Huh?"

"Say you love me again." He blushed harder, his face turning scarlet, creeping down towards his neck and the tips of his ears.

"Jeez, seriously, Y/N?"

"Mm-hm." You leaned further towards him, foreheads almost touching, forcing him to look at you. "I won't accept your apology unless you do."

"Jeez…" His face was a beautiful crimson, reminding you of fresh strawberries. You would've bitten into him if you weren't trying to teach him a lesson. "I… I love you." The words came out soft, anxious, nervous that you would reject him anyways. You hummed, looking up at the ceiling, pretending to think for a moment.

"Alright. I accept your apology." Naoya exhaled loudly, body relaxing as he felt victory overcome him.

"Finally—"

"But!" you interrupted, raising your finger and tapping his nose. "That doesn't mean I forgive you." Shock, disbelief, then agitation.

"What?! Why not?"

"I just don't. I won't forgive you unless you tell me that you love me more." Naoya groaned, falling back onto the sheets.

"Jesus fucking Christ—"

"Come on, Naoya," you cooed, swinging your leg over his hips, straddling him. He watched with wide eyes as you pressed yourself into his chest, cutely pouting down at him. "Don't you love me, bubby? Don't you wanna make me happy?" The nickname was what really made him flustered, his cock stirring at the feeling of your body pushed into his. He swallowed his arousal, trying his best to scowl at you.

"You're insufferable—"

"But you love me—"

"Jeez, yes!" he practically shouted, hands cupping your cheeks and forcing the two of you to keep eye contact. "Yes, I love you. I love you, okay?" His words made you quiver, a shiver rolling down your back and through your limbs as his words settled in. He sighed as he let you go, slumping back into the bed. "Are we done? Are you happy?"

"Hmmm… I guess so… but—" You wiggled your hips against him, making him sputter as you rubbed against his growing erection. "—just because I forgive you doesn't mean I'll keep dating you."

"Y/N, I swear to God, if you keep—"

You cut him off with a kiss, soft lips pressing into him as his words died out. He moaned quietly, arms wrapping around you and holding you snuggly against him. You could feel any anger left inside you fizzling out, the only heat left behind emanating from your core. You pulled away when he licked at his lips, leaving him hazy and disappointed that he couldn't deepen the kiss. You cupped his face, stroking his cheeks with your thumbs.

"Tell me you love me one more time and I'll stay." You saw his eyes glimmer with hope, and it shouldn't have made you as happy as it did. His hand found yours, squeezing it tight, worried you would disappear.

"You mean it? You won't go?"

"No, I won't, but only if you say it—"

"I love you," he said without hesitation, eyes sincere as he pressed his forehead to yours, noses kissing. "I love you so much, Y/N… please don't go…" It felt good to see him like this, desperate for you and your love. You wanted to see more of him like this in the future; you wanted to break down those walls completely so that this was the only part of him left.

"Alright, I guess I'll stay," you teased, arms slipping around his neck, "but only because it's too hard starting a new relationship." Naoya rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hide the grateful smile on his face.

"You're the most annoying woman I've ever met." You giggled, brushing your nose against his.

"But you still love me." You heard a vague 'shut up' as he pressed his lips back into yours, kissing you tenderly, lovingly. He rarely gave these kinds of kisses, usually hungry or holding back just a bit, but you were glad to find that he was relaxing with you, as if he finally felt safe with you. You sucked his bottom lip lightly, making him sigh and pull back, brushing your cheek as he gazed deeply into your eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Y/N." You could hear the sorrow laced in his tone, not completely obvious but still there. You sighed, giving a small peck to the side of his mouth.

"I know." He huffed, squeezing your waist.

"I'm serious," he insisted, hugging you tighter. You hummed, pushing yourself up to get a better look at him.

"Yeah?" you chirped, hands running over his pecks. You ground your hips down on him, smiling when you heard the strangled groan he let out. "Then prove it. Show me how sorry you are."

You heard him sigh shakily before he sat up, capturing your lips with his. His hands found the pulp of your waist, squeezing a bit too hard. Maybe he didn't believe this was really happening, maybe he was trying to ground himself back to reality so he could accept that you were here with him. Whatever it was, it didn't faze him for long. His hands were already crawling up your nightshirt, palms flattening against your soft stomach.

"I missed you," he mumbled against your lips, kneading your flesh as he climbed up your torso. "Missed you so much."

"It was—ah—it wasn't even a whole day—"

"I don't care," he breathed, sighing shakily when he cupped your breasts and gave them a squeeze. "I thought—shit—thought I would never see you again. Thought you'd disappear on me and move away or somethin." You couldn't stop yourself from snickering, hands tangling in his hair.

"Oh my god, Naoya, it wasn't even a few hours—"

"You say that like it matters." He tugged up your shirt, tucking it over your breasts and cursing silently. "I get upset when you're gone for twenty minutes."

"Do you—ah!" He took a nipple in his mouth, sucking feverishly as he fondled the other, hurried and anxious. "Do… Do you really mean that?" you breathed.

"Yeah," he sighed, tongue swirling around your hardened nipple before taking it in his mouth again. He sucked it a moment longer before releasing it with a wet pop. "I hate how much I miss you. Makes me feel like a sissy."

"But it's cute," you whined, guiding him to the other nipple, gasping when he nibbled at the soft bud. "I like hearing you say those things. Wish you'd be more honest with me." He scoffed against your skin, pulling back to gaze up at you, a trail of spit left behind.

"You're just teasin' me—"

"I'm not," you insisted, grinding against him needily, panting already. "I wanna hear those things. I wanna know how much you like me. It makes me feel special." Naoya paused, licking at his lips as he mindlessly played with your tits.

"Yeah? You… you like when I talk about this stuff?"

"Mm-hm." You pulled away just to tug your shirt over your head and toss it aside, pressing your bare chest against him. You slipped a hand between the two of you, grinding your palm into his cock, making him hiss in a breath. "Tell me more."

"Shit." Naoya guided you to sit flush against his thigh, urging you to grind your hips against his leg. "I-I think about you all the time, ya know that? It feels like—oh God—like I'm going crazy."

"Yeah? Whaddya think about?"

"Fuck, I—I don't know. Anything, everything. You're so pretty I wanna throw up. Your eyes, your hair, your lips—fuck, I love your lips—" His hand snuck down into your shorts, breath hitching when he discovered that you weren't wearing underwear.

"That all? You only think about how I look?"

"No, I—fuck—I-I think about all of you. How smart you are, how you make me laugh—you're so nice, ya know that? Do you have any idea how sweet you are? God, I feel like I could get a fuckin cavity just thinkin bout you." He cursed when you whined, gawking at how your hips bucked into his hand, begging for more.

"More, t-tell me more, baby."

"Shit, uh—" Naoya struggled to come up with something to say, too focused on how this was getting you off, how just his words alone were making your cunt weep into his hand. "I-I hate when other people look at ya. I hate when they talk about you or eye you up, especially when I'm right there. Makes me wanna fuck you right in front of em, let em know that you're all mine, nobody else's—fuck, c'mere—" He grabbed the back of your neck, smashing his lips into yours and moaning loudly. You keened, arching your body into him, hopelessly humping his hand and grinding your clit against his palm. You could already feel your orgasm building, that delicious heat coursing through your veins coming straight from your cunt. You probably could cum from this alone, but Naoya pulled his hand away before you could attempt to do that. You whined when he let you go.

"Shh, don't worry, princess. I'm gonna take care of ya." He tugged roughly at your shorts, almost throwing you off of him trying to get them off. He squeezed your thighs once he tossed the shorts to the floor, falling back to the bed and pulling on your hips. "C'mon. Want you to sit on my face." You froze, blinking down at him.

"Your… your face?" Naoya hummed in confirmation, trying to guide you up his chest again, but you didn't budge. "I—w-wait, we've never—I-I've never—"

"Never what?" he almost snapped, clearly impatient to get you on top of him. He watched you sputter, hands wringing each other, eyes looking anywhere but at him. He blinked, staring at you for a moment before his eyes narrowed. "You've never—have you ever sat on someone's face, baby?" You felt your cheeks burn hot, body curling in on itself, desperate to hide.

"I… I mean…" You couldn't come up with an answer, and Naoya groaned after a moment.

"You've never sat on anyone's face, baby? Am I the first one?" You huffed, covering your face with your hands, struggling to hide your embarrassment. It felt worse when Naoya practically moaned at your flustered state, grabbing you and forcing you to move up his body. "Fuck, that's so hot, so fucking hot. Gonna be the first one to have you like this, the only one, shit—"

"Naoya, w-wait, hold on—"

"Don't make me wait, baby, I'm so fucking hard right now. Just wanna taste ya, just want you on my face, c'mon—" You tried to reason, to put some distance between you so you could talk about this, but all you could do was gasp as he kissed up your thighs and nosed your clit. Your breath hitched when he moaned beneath you, tongue darting out to lick you from entrance to clit, sucking the hardening bud into his mouth.

"Mmm, fuck, baby," he groaned, pulling back to gaze up at you. "Taste so good, ya know that?" You squeaked, covering your face with your hands.

"Shut up. You're embarrassing."

"C'mon, princess." He pressed a kiss to your upper pussy, nuzzling the fatty mass, smirking into your skin. "You were so eager about me talking earlier, but now you're actin all shy? What happened?"

"That—you weren't in this position before—"

"And? You look better from this angle, anyways—"

"Naoya—"

"—but it'd be a lot better if you weren't hovering." You tensed, glancing at him from between your fingers.

"I… I'm not hovering."

"Oh yeah? Then how come I gotta crane my neck just to taste you? Gonna have to go to the chiropractor if you keep this up."

"Naoya!"

"Aw, c'mon, baby." His hands ran up your sides, squeezing your tits momentarily before pulling your hands away from your face. "You know I'm only teasin' ya, but I'm serious. When I tell ya to sit on my face, I mean—" He tugged your hips down suddenly, making you lose balance and land flush against him. "—sit on my face."

The whine that left you was so pornagraphic, needy and lewd, making Naoya groan in response. He didn't waste any time, flattening his tongue against your chubby pussy lips, slipping past them to lap at your clit. You mewled, breath hitching, hips trembling, struggling not to dart away from his touch. It's not like you really could if you tried: Naoya had a death grip on your waist, forcing you to stay planted on his face.

"Tastiest—fuck—pussy ever," he groaned, his words mumbled into your cunt. His eyes bore into you, fierce and hungry. "Never gonna get over how good you taste. Don't wanna taste anybody's pussy for the rest of my life but my girl's."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Yeah." His tongue pushed into your entrance and wiggled around, strong hands keeping you from squirming out of his grasp. The slurping sounds he made were absolutely obscene—you'd be mortified if anyone could hear the two of you. It was all so overwhelming—his tongue, his strong grip, the way his nose kept bumping on your clit—that you couldn't take much more attention. You hiccupped as you grasped at his hair, tugging harshly so he released your clit from his swollen lips.

"Shit—what—"

"I need your dick," you interrupted, hoping he couldn't hear the waver in your voice. His pupils widened, but his brows were still furrowed as he licked his lips.

"I'm not done yet—"

"Pleeeeaase, Naoya," you whined, grazing your fingernails along his scalp, making him shiver. "I'm tired of waiting. Want it now." His cheeks turned scarlet, mouth quirking into a smile. You knew just what to say to get your way.

"Oh yeah? You want this fat cock, baby? Want me to stuff you full?"

"Mm-hm," you agreed in a high pitched tone, lip jutted out as you nodded. "Want you deep inside me, baby. Wanna feel you in my tummy."

"Fuck." Naoya dove back into your cunt, sucking your clit hard for a few more seconds before letting go, loosening his grip on you. "Lay down for me, baby. Gonna make you feel so good." You flopped onto the bed quickly, grateful that you wouldn't have to stay in such a compromising position any longer.

Naoya hurriedly pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor before moving onto his shorts. He struggled to shimmy them off, eventually kicking them to the floor before sighing with relief. He turned on his side, grabbing your hips and turning you to face him.

"Lay on your side, like this. And—" he grabbed your thigh, lifting your leg and draping it over his waist, "—keep your leg up here." You scoffed, surveying the position he had you in.

"What're you up to?"

"The fuck you mean?" He hooked your knee over his elbow, grabbing his cock and running the head through your folds, hissing at how warm you were compared to him.

"I mean… w-why are we like this? Like what's with this position?" 

"What's wrong? Can't a guy try new positions?" He aligned himself with your entrance, pushing in slowly, sighing shakily as he moved forward.

"I-I guess, but—ah—it's just so random, y'know?"

"It's not random, I—" His hips met yours and he huffed, his breath hitting your face, eyes unable to meet yours. "I just… I dunno, I just wanna do it like this, okay? Wanna be… romantic or whatever. Wanna make love to you." You could feel your heart pound in your chest, eyes searching his crimson face, waiting for the punchline. When none came, you cupped his cheeks, making him look at you.

"Then go on. Make love to me."

That was all he needed. He pulled back slowly, rocking his hips forward, trying to keep his breathing steady as he got used to the feel of you. In truth, he'd never get used to you. Your cunt was always so soft and inviting, warm and wet and molded to his shape. It was like putting on a glove that felt like a second skin, like it belonged there, like there was no reason for it to be removed ever again. He wished he could stay inside you like that forever, keeping himself warm in your perfect pussy. He didn't even need to cum, didn't even need to be hard: he just wanted to be connected to you like that, so close together that you could crawl into each other's skin.

God, he sounded like such a simp.

"Mmm." Your soft moan broke him out of his trance, eyes flickering over your face, taking you in. Eyes hooded, lip bitten between your teeth—you were a vision. "It feels good, Naoya."

"Y-Yeah?" he replied, suddenly nervous, eager to please. "You… You like when I go slow?"

"Mm-hmm," you moaned, leaning forward to capture his lips with yours. He sighed dreamily into the kiss, eyes crossing ever so slightly when you sucked on his bottom lip. He swallowed a groan, struggling to slip his hand between the two of you and keep thrusting languidly at the same time.

"Mmm—f-feel so good, princess," he hummed, searching for your clit. You keened when his thumb brushed over it and he slowed his movements, focusing on the sensitive spot. His thrusts turned shallow, the head of his cock dragging over that spongy mass inside you, hitting it with just the right amount of pressure over and over.

"Shit, Naoya! Fuck, j-just like that, baby. Just—oooh—just like that." Your hips twitched, soon grinding forward towards him, meeting his thrusts. Your gyrating only increased your pleasure, fingers carding through his hair, tugging at the base. You giggled when you earned a groan in response, gasping when he bucked into you hard, still slow but suddenly forceful.

"Fuck—n-need you to cum, baby. Need to feel you cum on my cock."

"Yeah? You close already?" you teased, prepared for him to bark something back at you. But he didn't do that: instead, he just bit down on his lip, eyebrows furrowed as his hand sped up, concentrating on getting you to cum first. "Ahh—o-oh my god, you are—"

"Sh-Shut up, okay? Can't—fuck—can't help it, alright?" You moaned louder, wrapping your arms around his neck and bucking your hips into him faster.

"Fuck, that's so hot, baby. You gonna cum in me? Hm? Wanna cum inside your girlfriend?" You felt his cock throb at that, Naoya's hips stuttering at your words.

"Shit—d-don't say that—"

"Why not, babe? Does hearing me say stuff like that make you wanna cum?"

"You can't just—oof!" You suddenly pushed him onto his back, following him and landing on his chest. He was still inside you as you sat up, eyes wide as you continued grinding into him without a care in the world.

"C'mon, Naoya. Cum for me. Wanna feel you fill me up when I cum." Naoya swallowed hard but nodded, fingers frantically rubbing your clit as you thrust your hips into his. Your movements allowed you to keep hitting your g-spot, sending sparks through you as you chased your high.

"Shit—babe—this was supposed to be about you—" Your moan cut him off, eyes flittering over your hunched frame. The sun was starting to rise, the bright rays beaming in through the curtains. You looked like an angel in the growing golden light, your sweaty skin glowing. You were panting above him, moans and gasps growing in pitch by the second, your hips moving faster, more desperately until—

"Oh fuck!" you whined, head tossed back as you came. Your cunt pulsated around him, squeezing him so tight he thought he would pass out. He was already close before, but feeling you cum around him was sending him straight for the edge. Just a few more thrusts and—

"Shit—I-I love you, Naoya."

It felt like he had been punched in the gut. His body caved in on itself as the air left his lungs. He gasped, desperate for air as his balls emptied inside you. He grabbed your hips, urging you to keep grinding yourself on his cock, helping him ride out his high.

"Jesus fuck—ohmygod, fuck, baby, love you, I love you, love youuu—"

You stared in awe as he shuddered beneath you, eyes squeezed shut, teeth gritted shut as he choked on his groans. You slowed your hips, your orgasm fading as he started coming down from his peak. He was panting heavily, lips bitten raw, body flushed from exertion. You smoothed your hands over his chest, coaxing him to breathe steadily and calm down.

"Holy—sh-shit—I—"

You shushed him, leaning down to kiss him tenderly. He returned your kiss happily, sighing as your lips melded together. His hands moved to cup your cheeks, large palms cradling your face as he kissed you. Your hearts began to settle as you peppered kisses over each other, soft chaste pecks that you thought only existed in movies. Naoya slumped back to the bed, sighing and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you down to your side with him.

"Jesus," he mumbled, nosing at your hair lovingly. "Don't think I've ever cum that hard before." You giggled, nuzzling into his neck.

"Or that fast—"

"Hey," he said sternly, giving your thigh a light slap as a warning. "Ain't my fault."

"Hmm. My pussy's just too good, huh?" Another slap, this time to your ass, making you jolt and laugh louder.

"You're such a smartass. You're lucky I love you or else I'd make you sleep on the floor." You let out an exaggerated gasp, pulling back, pretending to be shocked.

"Rude! I'm an angel and you know it." He merely rolled his eyes, kissing you for the thousandth time that morning. You welcomed it, legs wrapping around him, tangling themselves with his own limbs. Naoya released your lips, keeping his face close, breathing shallowly.

"Can you say it back?" You blinked.

"Say what back?" He huffed, squeezing his arms around you tighter.

"You know…" You stared at him as his cheeks turned a rosy pink, realization dawning on you with each passing moment. You kissed his nose, pressing your forehead to his, hands cradling his head and neck.

"I love you too, Naoya." He relaxed with that, sighing and burying himself into your chest. You pet his hair, chin tucked on top of his head, your breaths synchronizing as time passed.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled a little while later, barely a whisper. His voice was surprisingly fragile, as if he could fall apart at any moment, as if he still didn't believe you forgave him.

"I know," you whispered back, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. You didn't point out how he inhaled shakily or how his arms tightened their hold around you. You just laid there with him, warming his cock and combing your fingers through his hair. "I know."

"You got everything?" You hummed in acknowledgement, nodding your head. Naoya arched his brow, staring down at you. "You sure? Once we leave, we're not coming back."

"I'm sure, Naoya. Do you have everything?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?" Your tone made him pause, his brow furrowing as he glanced around the room. He couldn't find anything, so he pat his pockets, frowning after a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, closing it once you raised your hand and presented his phone.

"You minx," he snarled lightheartedly, snatching his phone from you and shoving it in his back pocket. "What else did you steal from me?"

"I didn't steal anything, bubby. I grabbed it so you wouldn't forget it."

"Yeah, whatever. You ready to go or what?" You giggled and nodded, taking his outstretched hand and following him out of the suite and down the hall. The elevator ride was fairly quiet, three other people joining you on the ride down. The two of you stayed at the back, hands intertwined, Naoya's thumb rubbing into you, grounding himself. He hesitated once you got to the lobby, but after a quick glance out of the elevator—confirming his father wasn't there—he walked out with you, hand in hand. You were almost at the exit when he slowed down, squeezing your hand to get your attention.

"I gotta do something real quick. Wait here."

"Wha—" Naoya put down his suitcase quickly, walking off to a nearby seating area in the lobby. You stared curiously as he walked up to someone sitting down. Once she turned around, you realized that it was Keiya. You watched as he bowed to her, staying still for a few moments. You couldn't see their expressions very well from where you were, and you definitely couldn't hear them, so your curiosity began to eat away at you. You waited patiently, only left alone for a minute or two before Naoya bowed again, walking back to you with his hands in his pockets. He reached you soon enough, grabbing his suitcase before taking your hand, guiding you out of the building.

"What was that all about?" you asked as soon as the doors behind you closed. He seemed to have not heard you so you shook his arm, grabbing his attention.

"Hm? Oh! It—um—it was nothing."

"Come on, Naoya," you huffed, pushing yourself into his side. "We need to start communicating better. How else are we gonna build a healthy relationship?" Naoya scoffed, rolling his eyes, but he couldn't say no when you pouted like that.

"Fine… I was…" He took a deep breath, avoiding your gaze. "I apologized for how I acted yesterday… and how I've acted in the past… That was all."

Something bloomed inside you—hope, perhaps?—and you grinned wide, hugging his arm tightly.

"Aww, Naoya! That's so mature of you! Who knew you could apologize without being forced to?"

"Oh, shut up—"

"No, I'm serious! I'm very proud of you, bub! So proud of my handsome boyfriend." He huffed but his face burned just a bit, his cheeks bright.

"Jeez, calm down. How do you have so much energy? We've been up since, like, five." You shrugged, releasing his arm just to take his hand again, swinging your arms lazily as you waited for a cab to pick you up to take you to the airport. Naoya stared at you from the corner of his eye for a bit, quietly bringing your hand to his mouth and kissing the back of it. You glanced at him, giving him a sweet smile, the kind that always made him melt.

"...I love you," he mumbled quietly, hesitantly, the words still a bit foreign on his tongue. Your smile grew and you leaned in towards him, kissing him on the cheek.

"Love you too, Naoya."

#naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #smut #chubby reader #chubby fem reader #naoya zenin x chubby reader #naoya zen'in x reader #naoya zenin x reader #fem reader #☀️ fics #☀️ scum of the earth au

[suchalonelysunflower]

You Are What You Love (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x Fem! Reader

Requested? Yes! (requests are currently closed)

Summary: Based on the song "Daylight" By Taylor Swift. Luke's thinking about his perspective of love while he reminisces about when he first met you

Warnings: Fluff, language, mentions of alcohol and toxic relationships. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, im sorry)

Word Count: 2.4 k

Author's Note: I just really wanted to write this one and give it my own lil twist. Remember that REBLOGS are super IMPORTANT and so are COMMENTS AND INTERACTIONS. PLEASE SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS. Hope you like it and Happy Reading

My masterlist // tag list in bio!

The day was getting to him and they’d practically just started. Doing promos all day is something they all got used to when they first started, but it has become repetitive and unhealthy after years of being in the spotlight.

It’s not like Luke isn’t grateful for the opportunity he has of making music with his best friends, he loves what he does and why he’s doing it. But he has to admit priorities have changed for him lately, and being away from home for too long was making him angsty.

“Dude, cheer up!” Ashton would say, giving him a big smile and patting him on the shoulder as they waited for the next interviewer.

Luke would give him a half-hearted, tired smile that mimicked his feelings on the inside. He would see how Michael, Ash, and Calum would joke with each other a little bit, already getting in the mood for another seven minutes of answering questions - although everyone knew Ashton would be speaking the most again, thank you very much. And for a moment it was nice to see them slip from the personas they present in front of the camera and just let them be.

He also took this moment to check his phone and take it out from “do not disturb” when a text message showed up. After reading it his smile was for real this time.

“Is it Y/N?” Michael asked, noticing the grin on Luke’s face.

“Yeah, she says hi”

Quickly, Luke texted you back, noticing the interviewer was already making their way to them. Still, he couldn’t shake the smile off of his face.

* A few years ago.

The party was a success - or a mess if you’re the one cleaning afterward, which is pretty much what Luke promised to do if Ashton threw a party that weekend. This time it took more than ten minutes to convince the eldest of 5sos to throw a party, which is more than anyone would’ve expected coming from him.

“Luke, I already hosted a party three days ago” Ashton sighed while doing the dishes, giving his back to the youngest of the band.

“But Aaaash,” Luke pouted even though Ashton couldn’t see him “It’s the weekend!”

“Don’t you think you like partying too much?”

“Funny you’re saying it,” Luke rolled his eyes, but when he noticed Ashton stare once he turned back, he knew he was serious “C’mon, dude”

“Luke, you’re deflecting” Ashton crossed his arms in front of his chest “Don’t think we don’t notice how you use parties as an excuse to avoid the elephant in the room”

“I’m fine,” He scoffed, and the eldest raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh? So you’re ready to tell me what happened the day you showed up at my house with your dog and a U-Haul filled with your things?” Ashton sighed again when noticing Luke’s eyes deflecting his gaze “Look, you know I love having you here, but it’s not fun to see you hurting, Luke. Whatever happened with her… you know we’ll support you, right?”

And Luke knew they would. Fuck, Luke loves his friends because of it, they will never leave him behind if the ship was sinking. But the ship was already at the bottom of the ocean and they were still looking for the remains of his broken heart, not knowing there was nothing left to save. Not even himself.

“Luke…”

“Fine, if you don’t want to have a party then forget it,” Luke said, turning around and going to his room.

Ashton groaned loudly and threw his head back before calling out “Okay! We’re having a stupid party! But you’re cleaning up the next day!”

And so came Saturday and the house was packed. Except for one lonely soul sitting outside against the wall, drinking a beer, and not being able to figure out what was so wrong with him. Ashton was right, he was deflecting. But what was wrong with wanting to have a little party to try and forget the past?

The lights were low, so no one could recognize him that easily as he slipped out. The loud noises of the party drowned the sounds of his mind telling him he was the one that fucked up and that he should go back to what he knew was an unhealthy environment. At least that’s a place familiar to him; the feeling of not being enough but still trying to make it up somehow; being the butt of the joke everyone and laughing along even though they never knew the struggle or the pain behind every word or comment he read on the internet.

He was in love, or at least he thought he was. Damn, there was his whole life ahead of him and he thought she’d be by his side through all of it. But love doesn’t have to be black and white, it doesn't have to make you doubt every single word or move or Instagram post. He never thought love could be so cruel… or maybe he didn’t know what love was after all.

What’s worst of it all is that he knew he hurt some people along the way. Fuck, he even made Ashton throw him a party every week to try and cheer him up even though everyone knew it was all a charade. After everything that he did wrong, his friends are still there for him when he least deserves it. All because he was too hung up to see the reality, or too scared to face it.

Still, at least he was sound of mind and heart and didn’t plan to go back to her, even if that meant waking up and facing the unknown future again.

“Cheers to that,” He mumbled as he brought the beer bottle he was nursing to his lips.

“Amen,” A voice said behind him, making him spill his drink all over his shirt “Oh shit! Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you”

Luke wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, counting to ten in his head so that he won’t curse this person out. But soon a hand was stretched out to him, offering some napkins to clean himself out.

Finally, his blue eyes were able to look at the person who so rudely interrupted his self-deprecating moment. And for a second there he was speechless.

“I’m truly sorry,” The girl gave him a shy, awkward smile, “I thought you heard me get out and- Well, that’s what I get for trying to be funny, I guess”

Luke blinked up at her, losing his train of thought when he noticed how cute she looked when blushing and the way her eyes sparkled before she looked down. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he accepted the napkins.

“It was funny,” He said, dabbing his shirt “I always hated this shirt anyways, so thank you for helping me get rid of her”

The girl smiled “I don’t know if you’re making fun of me… but, yeah, that shirt is very 2015”

Luke fake gasped in surprise “Are you saying I have bad taste?”

“I’m saying that maybe you did but are now repenting for your sins”

“So quick-witted”

“One of my many talents”

“What’s another one?”

“I can run faster than a wolf”

“Don’t you get tired?” He asked, scooting to his side so that she could sit beside him. She did.

“Maybe when I do I’ll finally find the place that makes me what to stay” She shrugged “Do you have a talent?”

“I can’t seem to differentiate heroes from villains”

She looked at him, resting her chin on her hand “What do you think I am, then?”

“I don’t know yet” He laughed, looking back at her and getting lost in her eyes for a second before asking “Should I be offended you'd rather be out here than at my party?”

“Should I be offended that the host of the party would rather sit outside in the cold than at his own party?” She challenged him “My friend dragged me here, but I’m not much of a social butterfly and I need a moment to charge my battery before she tries to set me up with another stranger”

“Ooff, tough crowd?”

“The toughest”

“Good.” Luke said, leaning back and looking up at the sky “Easiest way not to get hurt”

“Maybe,” She shrugged. “But if we don’t get hurt once in a while then why bother to feel anything at all?”

Luke turned to her, frowning as he examined her face. “Did Ashton send you here?”

The girl looked at him quizzically, “I literally have no idea who Ashton is, but if he’s like- I don’t know, your “guide” in the universe, then maybe?”

Luke laughed “He’s my co-host”

“Oh! The one singing “I will survive” in karaoke! Yeah, no, I haven’t talked to him. But if you want me to call him I could-”

“No!” Luke said way too quickly and she noticed that as well “I mean if he sees me he’ll know he’s right and I would rather eat another one of Calum’s veggie lasagnas than do that”

“Ouch, tough crowd?”

He groaned “You have no idea”

“I might, a little bit”

“Yeah?” He bumped her arm with his “What’s your story then?”

“Who wants to know?”

“Luke,” He said, extending a hand for her to shake.

“Y/N,” She took his hand in hers, shaking it firmly “Well, Luke, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours”

“And if we never want to see each other after we do?”

“Then that’s a risk we’ll both have to take”

*

The memory faded as he noticed all eyes were on him.

Shit.

At least there’ll be more elevator memes after this interview.

“Sorry, could you repeat the question, please?” Luke asked, ignoring Calum’s chuckle.

“Of course!” The interviewer smiled “I said that you were one of the main writers in almost every song of this album. What’s the inspiration behind it?”

“Oh,” It was an easy answer, of course, something he had rehearsed with the guys beforehand. But as the memory of your first encounter was still so fresh, another answer came to mind “Love,”

“Love?”

“Well, I guess that the right way to say it would be the feeling you get when you know you’re safe” He started, “When you feel safe around that special someone, no judgment nor fears or doubts. When that person means the world to you and you would do anything to give it to them just to see the smile on their face even for just a second. Or when you make a mistake and you’re willing to put everything on the line to try and make it right, just hoping the other one will forgive you when you think you least deserve it. “I had my doubts about love for quite some time. Thinking I was defined by it when we just create the context ourselves when we find the right person to share that love with. I always believed love would be…”

“Burning red?” Michael smiled, finding the words right out of Luke’s mouth.

“Yeah,” He smiled “But love is not supposed to burn or to hurt. Love is supposed to keep us warm and safe. Love is golden, like daylight”

“But not our old song Daylight,” Ashton said, making everyone laugh “That truly was a mistake”

“But it is part of our history,” Calum added.

“Like heartbreaks and hurt,” Luke chimed in, going back to the original question “But without them, is it even worth feeling anything at all? They’re just passing by until you find the place you want to stay, with the ones you love”

Luke watched with a smile as the other guys answered the rest of the questions, knowing full well that this is where he was meant to be. But there was someone missing.

*

The car dropped him off first, his friends all saying their goodbyes or see you tomorrow and saying I love you to him before he got out. He cracked his back before he grabbed his bag and made his way to the front door, waving one last time at the guys.

The moment he crossed the door he hung his keys and got rid of his boots. He was about to call your name when a faint mixture of sounds got to him. He frowned as he walked toward the living room, quickly finding you under a pile of blankets, wearing his hoodie and with an arm wrapped around a very sleepy Petunia whose snores were drowned out by the sounds on your phone.

Luke smiled as he shook his head, walking over to his two girls and sliding down next to you, wrapping you with his arms.

“What’ you doing?” He said, kissing you on the cheek “Are you- are you watching 5sos TikToks?”

“What can I say?” You said, turning into his embrace and facing him “You guys are very entertaining”

You ignored the rolling of his eyes as you leaned over to kiss him sweetly on the lips, feeling how he relaxed against you.

“Hi,” You mumbled once you pulled back just enough to have only your noses touching.

“Hi, darling” Luke smiled, kissing you briefly one more time.

“Long day?”

“The longest without you”

“Sap” You giggled, trying to scurry away before his hands found your waist and started to tickle it, but not being able to succeed.

This is what he meant about love. Coming home after a long day and having your laugh be music to his ears. Being able to touch you and kiss you like it was the first time every time. Just relaxing with you on the couch with your dog, watching hours and hours of tiktoks before any of your stomachs started to grumble. Talking about your respective days while you cook dinner together with Fleetwood Mac’s music surrounding the house, listening to all the good and the bad and the ugly, and just being there for each other.

The words “I love you” never made sense to him before you came along. But when you kiss him goodnight and whisper those words to him, he knows them to be true. And when he says them back, he knows he’s falling short. Because a love like that is impossible to describe.

A love like that is golden. A love like that is kind.

So every night he adds:

“Loving you is the best thing I have” * * tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @bubblegum183 @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @vtte @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @hfkait @savagejane1 @youneedtocalumdown @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @gracieboogirl @fastandtheformula1 @kingxnichole @wildflower98

#luke hemmings #5 seconds of summer #5sos #suchalonelysunflower #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings fanfic #luke hemmings fanfiction #Luke 5sos #luke 5 seconds of summer #5sos Luke #5 seconds of summer luke #5sos luke hemmings #5sos fic #5sos fanfiction #5 seconds of summer pic #5 seconds of summer fan fiction #luke hemmings one shot #Taylor swift #daylight

[honeytonedhottie]

Hello, tbh I am very open here because you give me big sister vibes so the question (if you don't have time to read through everything): How do I like (if this makes sense) factory reset my mind,body and soul (if you know what I mean) like start from scratch, let go of my past and how I missed all my childhood days. I don't mind the process I want to improve...self concept tips, I am super lost, how do I get my life together...where do I start? quick summary for clear understanding, the coming years in my life is huge because college and moving out of my home tbh the past few years I was and still am not up to the mark but I want to do better, like my mind is always racing and my body looks good (ik) but I am not that healthy. P.S. I am always grateful for your work, waiting for your reply, with love cam.

hi cam 💗 thanks for the question i'd love to help as much as i possibly can 💗💗💗

RESET ; to start off, understand that every minute, second, every time u BREATHE thats a clean state. a clean canvas for u to paint out whatever u want ur reality to look like. if u dont know ab loa i HIGHLY recommend understanding it bcuz your life WILL change, and my blog is a good source to get started on ur loa journey

so u can always start from scratch again as many times as u want 💗

LETTING GO OF THE PAST ;

mental - i noticed that u mentioned u missed childhood days, so if therapy is accessible to u, then invest in therapy. but if ur resources r limited rn that start journalling, shadow work, inner child work etc

i have shadow work prompts and self healing resources on my blog, so thats a place to start <3

once u take the time to explore the deepest depths of ur psyche and ur habits, ur trauma, and urself in general, we have ENDLESS sources online that can help u manage and deal with them.

physical - practice self care, start moving ur body in ways that feel good for you, take time to work on the big parts, and the little details of ur appearance bcuz it'll make u feel a lot better if u feel like u look good.

health - start consuming foods that are good for ur body. start small, little by little every day and eventually it'll snowball into completely different eating habits. make sure that ur seeing ur doctor when u should if ur having health problems but most health problems can be solved with the way that u eat, and the quality of food that u consume.

goals and focus - know what ur goal is. know what ur aiming for and then do actions that align with who u wanna be

goals and focus is the most important category bcuz since every individual is so different and unique and since we all have different goals and aspirations, u need to know where ur going. where u are right now, and where u wanna be. thats something for YOU to decide, but when u have a clear picture of where u wanna be then you'll know how to get started on it.

when u have a goal this creates passion, and when motivation isn't enough, we have discipline and passion. so becoming passionate about ur life and ur goals will help u stay on the right track.

some other things that help :

mentors - mentors dont have to be ppl that u know, they can simply be ppl who have similar goals and morals as u and that u admire

hobbies

practicing gratitude

journaling (im a huge advocate for journaling)

support from the ppl around u

#law of assumption #becoming that girl #advice

[welkinsky]

Hello! Im not the pimple request anon but can I ask for Neji and Shino too? I also go through periods where I get addicted to those videos, they are so satisfying 😂

Part 1

A/N: I know its been a long time but here it is. Part 1 (Kakashi, Itachi & Madara)

Naruto Characters & Reader Popping Their Pimples

Obito

Obito will be so surprised that you just don't let them be.

He'll be more excited than you to do all this. He will be asking a lot of questions and to your excitement, you will be happy to answer all of them.

Even if you make a mistake he'll take it down as a "don't" in the little mental list that he is creating.

The next time he'll do it will be when you'll be sitting right next to him. He'll want to show off to you how he paid attention to all of that and is basically an expert now.

But once you tell him that YOU like to do it he will let you know and may even let you in on a few tricks that he figured out himself!

Naruto

At first, he'll be excited about it as well. Just like Obito, he had no clue that this was a THING.

So he'll lie down, bring your all the things you'll need. But as soon as you apply rubbing alcohol to his pimple and it starts to sting he'll sit right up, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT IT WAS GONNA HURT."

You tried to laugh it off and said that this hurts because of the alcohol and only this step hurts.

The poor guy believed you but when you squeezed it, he was in the other corner of the room, "I think it is better if we let it be." with a "YOU LIED" face hahaha it'll be so funny that you won't be able to stop laughing.

Although your puppy face is all he needs to endure all the "Pain". Even though his training hurts like 100X times he'll be so sensitive which will be the funniest thing for you to watch.

Secretly you made a video that you showed to Sakura.

Sasuke

He'll be disgusted right from the start. First of all, he doesn't even touch it why would he let YOU touch it?

But after you gnaw at him for HOURS he will let you do it.

Still, be very disgusted the entire time.

Once it is all done and you asked him to take a look in the mirror he denied it and went on with the day to get rid of all the weird feelings that process gave him.

But when he'll see the mirror later he'll be a little impressed and might ask you to do it again depending on how bad it is. If it is too bad he'll NEVER in the world would let you touch it. Not because he is insecure or anything but he just hates the entire idea.

Neji

Just like Sasuke, he'll be against the whole idea.

But unline Sasuke he WILL BE insecure about it which is why he is insecure about it.

What if you came closer and realized how bad it actually is. Because let's be honest, Neji is the sort of guy who must be very hygienic and cautious about his looks even if he doesn't show it but I can imagine that he does a lot.

So the fact that you even noticed that he has a pimple made him a bit insecure.

But once you said, "What is wrong with it, you too have them and it is better to get rid of them rather than them leaving a mark later." He was a little convinced.

But was asking you to be very careful while doing everything.

Shino

He won't be against it but might feel a bit uncomfortable because after the whole process is done he cannot let his insects touch it.

He never stops them from anything but this was a bit odd for him.

He will be his quiet self as you start but just like Naruto, he'll jump out of his place as soon as it stings.

"You said it won't hurt." he'd say without sounding angry even though he is a bit caught off guard.

He'll still agree to do it since you want him to. But would complain a lot like a baby.

Part 1

_____________________________

Thanks For Reading and for the ask and for all the support! I'm super grateful to everyone <3

If you liked it you can check out the masterlist too!

A-Z Headcanon

#naruto series #naruto fanfiction #naruto anime #naruto #naruto uzumaki #naruto x y/n #naruto x you #naruto x oc #naruto x reader #naruto hcs #naruto headcanons #sasuke headcanons #sasuke x oc #sasuke fanfic #sasuke #uchiha sasuke #sasuke uchiha #team 7 #obito fanart #obito x reader #obito uchiha #obito x y/n #uchiha obito #neji x oc #neji icons #neji fanfiction #neji x reader #neji hyuga #shino x oc #shino x reader

[greenerteacups]

Hello! I wanted to let you know how amazing your fic is, it seems my life now revolves around Friday mornings. I think it may be one of my favorite series ever, not just fics, your stuff is better than most published works I have read. I really could go on and on. Suffice to say, thank you x1 million for just putting this out there for us.

I had a couple curiosities! Is it ever hard to restrain yourself and just post 1 time per week? Or is that necessary for your creative process?

Also, your fic is rapidly growing in popularity, do you ever get worried about how that might change your audience?

Thank you again for the amazing thing you've written, I feel super lucky to be reading it in real time because I know this is going to be one of those legendary classics.

Thank you so much! You're wonderfully kind, I really appreciate it, and I hope I can live up to your expectations!

Weekly posting: Posting once a week is actually something I started for my own sanity — posting it regularly/serially is better for audience response, so there's a natural incentive to do it, but it also gives me more time to write ahead. And having all of a book prewritten in advance is really important for me creatively, not only so as to avoid the possibility of cliffhangers, but also to feel immune from the pressure to change the story based on what audiences want.

Growing audiences: Oof, it's been wild. I've been sort of boggled by the response to my little fic; it was entirely unexpected and the most I can do is work hard to deserve it. For the most part, an increasing audience has been a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I've been so grateful for everyone who's been offering support and praise. I'm seriously insanely lucky. My only point of frustration is that, in general, as a fic grows, readers seem to perceive increasing distance between themselves and the author. For instance, people in my comments have increasingly started to address each other instead of me, or have left comments seemingly without the expectation that I'll read them. But when someone comments on the fic, they're still sending that message directly to the author, and I think that some people might... well, they either don't know that, or they don't care. Like, the audience/author distance might be greater than it is for a fic with only 300 hits, but it's not like I'm a showrunner, or some other media production bigwig who'll probably never see 99% of the feedback generated by fans; it's still my pet project that I read basically every scrap of feedback for.

And sometimes (rarely — most of my comments are just so wonderful, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but) people do say weird or unnecessary things. One comment for the last chapter read, "if krum dies im gonna drop this fic ngl," and that just irritated the hell out of me. Like, if that's your opinion, cool. Your reading habits are none of my business, and I sincerely encourage everyone who needs to take a break from Lionheart — or, hell, even loses interest — to go find something that sparks joy instead. Reading fic should bring you pleasure. No hard feelings, swear to God.

But my frustration with that comment, in particular, was: you do realize that you've sent that message directly to my inbox, right? You realize that was the first thing I read when I opened my comments section after a long afternoon of writing? Someone directly informing me, the author, that a narrative decision (which, either way, I already made about 4-5 months ago) will lose me a reader? And how does this person expect me to react? "Oh, no! I have to go back and rewrite 90,000 words of the story — God forbid I lose you, Single AO3 User Who Left No Other Comments! How can I live with myself if you're not here??"

It's just a bit frustrating. And, to the point — I say this politely, with respect — but if you seriously can't handle seeing characters die, then maybe don't read the fanfiction that's rewriting a series where very many characters die. Just a thought.

#someone left a similar comment after I posted Chapter 30 #which just made me roll my eyes #these clowns act like they're the author's personal muse #'unfortunately i am no longer enjoying your fic and i must stop reading' ok? have you mistaken me for your book club president? #anyway. thank you for a kind ask sorry it got salty at the end

[dayslynthesix]

hello, this it parte 1/3 of what im calling the lovers series, you can read the prologue of this serie right here and i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoy writing

as i said, this doesn't have any compromise with real life and despite the team that are mentioned during this serie exist they main character its not related to any of them or the players

let's consider thay in this reality covid never existed, I'm following the 2020 calendar just for chronological purposes also the Olympics still happened in 2021 again for logistical purposes

tw: volleyball injury, self doubt, Turkish GP because that's a sensitive topic for me, mention of intrusive thoughts

Delicate | Lewis Hamilton imagine

January, 2020, Brazil

It was a pretty nice night, after all, it was match night. Minas was winning 2x0 on the house, they were playing on their own court with all his fans, it was 17x14 on the board, Priya came from a back row attack, she remembered everything about that point. The ball was set, she gave three steps and jump, her hand hit the ball in the most incredible way, before the block could be put together the ball was already on the floor, also Priya. She jumped, she spiked that ball and once she landed on floor she felt an excruciating pain.

Priya PoV

I could feel every part of my body, i was super aware of everything, i heard people talking to me but i couldn't fully understand what they were saying, i got pieces like "injury" and "knee" and i was taken away from the court. I also remember my teammates look, they were terrified, no one saw that coming. During those first moments when the medical team take a look at me i knew something was really wrong. An injury on my knee, apparently was that, but i couldn't say the gravity of that injury.

"Someone call my mom, please." I remember saying that to no one in specific, all that night was a blurr, I remember the point, but after that it's all a blank space.

During the week I made multiple tests, x-rays and everything related, they told me I had a shattered knee, time of recovery: 6 to 8 months. They also told me it was better if I did the surgery back home, where I could have family support. My dad was in Brazil within 24 hours after the match, we were flying to Monaco within 72 hours, and in between a week I was with a surgery scheduled and full months of recovery to go.

It was that way my career would end?

The formula one seasons didn't have started yet, we were in January and the season was booked to start in March, so it wasn't much of a surprise when Lewis showed up at my appartment - temporarily mine. He looked incredible, as always, and the presence of his persona was something that always takes my breath away.

"Hi Priya."

"Hello Lewis." I was tired of people asking me how i was feeling, because I was feeling like shit, and I felt really grateful when Lewis didn't asked me that

"I saw the match, and the point, it was a pretty good one, you came from the back of the court and hit that ball, really impressive." he take the seat by your side

"Well, thank you, it was a pretty good point. I was feeling so good, you know? I was feeling all my body when I jumped... it didn't end well."

"Can I ask you how are you feeling?"

"I rather not, but I'm feeling terrible. No one says anything. They don't give one reassurance I'll be able to play the next tournaments, or my rehab time, or even if I'll be able to go to the Olympics... I'm exhaust, I'm frustrated and I'm sad, but yeah..." I let all out

"That's why I'm here. Your dad called me, he is worried about you, but he isn't an athlete so it's pretty hard from him to fully understand what are you feeling. I also talked to Angela, and she agreed to help you through the recovery process, all of it, if you want to, obviously." you could feel in love with that man, he was so gentle to me and I really need someone to be gentle with me without thinking I'm broken or something.

"Yeah, that would be nice, thank you Lewis, honestly." I reached for his hand, and he slowly came closer to me, I could feel his breath and his scent, that bring back memories

"Priya, I need you to be fine, and recover and I need you to play the Olympics, not because you're my favourite athlete, but because I know how much that means to you and how much the recovery process is painful, but as long as you want me here I'll be here with you."

"I just keep wondering, am I still good enough to be a high level athlete? I've seen injuries which was way less worst than mine that retired athletes, I shattered my knee, Lewis, I'm so scared that all I think about is if this is the end of my career, because if it is I don't know what to do, I don't know who am I without volleyball, I'm juts... its so much..." I was holding the tears, but at that point I let it all go, the gasp that came out of my throat was so awful that breake me all over again, Lewis held me closser, he take all the care with my leg and he kept me in his arms for long moments

"That's ok you are scared, I don't know what it feels like, but thats ok, you're gonna pass trough this, I'm with you, you're Priya you know, you are so much more than volleyball..."

"But volleyball is my life, I don't want to live in a world without volleyball. The worst part of the injury is not the pain, is the uncertainty, is the recovery, is all the doubts and that can break an athlete's mind in levels that the injury itself can't."

"I know that, i know how much you have put in volleyball and what it represents to you and your life, but you are more than an athlete, it might not look like, but you are. Ever since day one I met your dad he said he had a athlete daughter and his daughter wanted to go to an Olympics, you went once but next one its gonna be your show time, I've seen the incredible season you've made and how much you evolved all these years, you became an extraordinary player, Pietra, and this injury is not gonna take that away from you."

Lewis and I had talked before, countless times, but this time was the first time we were having a conversation that deep. I was never afraid to tell people what I was feeling, but the kind of vulnerability I was allowing myself to feel with him was different. And if you asked me where everything started I would answered it was the first day after the doctors cleared me up to physiotherapy.

It was middle May, it had been 4 months since the injury and I was cleared to started the rehab process. My knee hurt like a bitch and since I was out of any medications I was feeling like a bitch. I couldn't do much more than exercising my legs and some light stuff.

Lewis was out racing, the season started and he needed to go, Angela too, so I was pretty much on my own. I had my physio team, the people who has been with me since I started to play volleyball, but it was different.

Angela was one of the most sweet people I meet in my life, she talked to me during all the firsts session, she asked me how I was feeling physically and mentally, and she was walking with me, not just guiding me.

During the first days, Priya became distant, she wasn't talking to anyone, not even with her siblings, and everyone understood that, she was putting all she had left to heal and the healing process was painful, more painful than the bruises.

All the process Lewis was there, he got used to practice with Priya around and they could actually talk about different things. She became a continues presence on his days. Even if he was on some different country he would still call her so they could talk and work out together. Alan had called him multiple times to check on his daughter, even though she was staying with her dad, he couldn't reach his daughter the way Lewis and Angela could.

It had been a long time since she went to the paddock to watch a race from inside Mercedes Garage, but for the Austrian GP she was there, wearing a beautiful dress to cover her knee, she wasn't able to look at it, and she didn't want anyone looking either, not there was anything to see, outside it was pretty much healed, but yet; and looking all happy to see the drivers again, and meet the ones she hadn't yet. And even though she was still in pain she was smiling again, she was feeling better, 5 months was nothing to heal, but it was the start of the process, and she was confident with that.

It was really nice for Lewis to watch how she bonded with a couple of drivers who always had been really nice with him, even being a couple of years older than them, Priya became really closer to Charles, they shared more things than they could imagined and Priya became sort of a mentor to him, looking forward, Lewis think Priya was one of the main responsible to the mental strength himself and Charles had.

Even the RedBull people went to talk to her, Christian Horner itself went to the garage to say hi and talk to her, he asked how she was feeling, what the doctors had said; Max came latter that day, he was also very nice with her. Being a high level athlete, Priya was an inspiration to many of athletes in world, not just inside volleyball.

Priya watched the full race with the engineers and her dad, at some point her knee started to annoy her and someone inside the garage got her a bench so she could rest her legs. They were so involved with the Caspari family that at that point they were all family, and they wanted another champion on the team, more than that, they need Priya to be ok, they saw her grew up and became the athlete she is today, they need her to be that good because she wasn't putting much faith on the process, so they were keeping the faith alive. Once or twice someone came to her to ask her simple things about volleyball, her favourite athletes, where she wanted to play, what she was expecting from team USA, small things just to reassure her that she was still an athlete.

They watched how she started to feel better, GP after GP, how she was actually healing. How after long weeks she started to give interviews again, how she was walking around easily, how one by one her teammates started to show up at some Grand Prix.

Once the Italian GP arrived, Priya and Lewis were spotted running in Monza, at that point, there were already something happening between them. Lewis started to snitch out in the middle of the night to her room. Priya started to wear Mercedes jerseys with his number on it. Lewis showed up once in the paddock with one personal jersey from one of her teams with his name and number on it. They started to have lunch together, and dinner.

They were already something. It wasn't Priya the volleyball player. Lewis world champion. It was Priya and Lewis, always together.

Pierre Gasly won the GP, Lewis finished 7th place, not the result he wanted, but after everything that happened with the French driver, deep down everyone was happy for him, said that, Priya and Lewis went out to celebrate with him.

Things changed that night. After really long years sleeping around with each other, that night was the first night which the euphoria didn't take time with them. They were sleeping together because they had feeling for each other, it was beyond celebration sex. If there was any doubt the next morning erased all of them. They left the hotel together and went to her apartment back in Modena, where she could finally starting to hit again. They went to the closest court, some of her closest friends were there, Dahlia was part of the whole process and she wouldn't be anywhere else. One of the youngest players of the next generation of the Italian Volleyball was there too, and she was setting to Priya.

"You know, she was scared to run and jump, you being here make things easier, i couldn't thank you enough" Dahlia said to him while the other girl was busy

"She's doing so much progress, everyone is optimistic. Im here as long as she wants me here" Lewis answered back

"Trust me when I tell you, she doesn't want anyone else beside you here. You're pushing her to recovery in the best way possible, she doesn't want to stand behind a world champion and that competition is healthy for every athlete"

"She's an Olympian, I think we are even"

Priya spent the whole afternoon inside that court and seeing her so happy doing what she loved fulfill Lewis with a mix of emotions, he was happy, really happy, he was also proud, he was so proud that he couldn't contain the smile seeing her run, jump and hit.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked once the girl were gone

"I'm happy to be here with you and see the grandiosity of Pietra Caspari" she went red

"Don't make me blush, it's rude" but she was laughing, she was laughing and holding his hands, and they were hugging.

They didn't know back then, but Lewis heart was full of joy and Priya's soul was leaking happiness.

When the Turkish GP arrived, no one was expecting anything that happened that race. November 15th marked the day Lewis became a 7 times world champion. The garage was in completely silence after that last lap, for a couple of seconds you couldn't hear one single sound, and then everyone was celebrating.

"... And now he finds himself alongside Michael Schumacher as top in the records books, the world championship record is equals. Lewis Hamilton wins the Turkish Grand Prix and it's a seven times champion of the world." the narrator voice was all around, everything felt right in that moment, everyone was already leaving the garage to meet Lewis outside on the number 1 standing. Priya watched as he got out of the car and ran to his team, but most important, ran to her. He just won his 7th world championship and he went to her, he held her tightly and for what feels like ages for them were merely a couple of seconds to everyone, they hold each other gaze and they kissed, in front of everyone, all the cameras, the crowd, the public, they were all witnessing two of the most victorious careers in two different sports.

The podium ceremony was beautiful. Lewis was so happy that got everyone happy. Priya's sisters were there, her parents were there, her friends were there, they came all the way for her but at the end they were celebrating Lewis's victory like it was Priya's one, that's how much she cared for him and how much her friends care for her.

"You could've tell me you and Lewis were a thing." your mom started

"Yeah, instead we figured out with all the world." Samuel, your brother whispered to you

"Dad's not happy with that." that was Lauren

"If Dahlia knew and we didn't I'm seriously not considering you my sister anymore." Catherine ended

"Jesus Christ, all of you could be Oscar winners with all this drama. It's new ok? No one knew because there was nothing to know about it. Chill down. Let's celebrate his victory ok?" Priya put a final dot on the family drama

Your dad kept staring you from distance, and considering you were his first child and daddy little girl, you went to him.

"Dad?" you poked him "Don't be mad at me." the puppy eyes always worked

"Are you happy?"

"I am." he looked at you, deep into your eyes

"Ok. If you're happy I'm happy. And I'm really proud of you, soon as you think you're going to be playing again." you smiled, during that week you went to the medical team from VakifBank, you didn't tell anyone, but your dad deserved to know

"Vakif just offered me a 2 seasons contract, 2021 and 2022 I'll be playing for them again. It's a secret and I didn't signed yet because I want to see my doctors first and see the perspective of my knee, but I'm feeling fine, the pain is barely here anymore and Angela said I'm doing great, just wanted to tell you."

Your dad's eyes teared up.

"Oh my God, thank God. I couldn't stand you not playing anymore, I was in physical pain just to think about it. I'm so happy, Pia." your dad was the only one who called you Pia, you hugged him for long minutes, it was the place in the world where you felt more safe

As the podium ceremony ended you went to find Lewis, he was already back on his natural clothes, smiling like a child to his trophy. You smiled with the view.

"Hey you." you approached him and his smile got bigger

"Hello." he looked at you "I'm sorry about the kiss earlier..." he started

"Don't be. Im happy with this little bubble we have and I'm happier that you feel comfortable to tell the world."

"I like being with you, you inspires me." he got closer and held you face with both of his hands, his nose on yours as both of you smiled to each other.

"Thank you. For your support, for having my back, for holding me when I was falling. This year was brutal, but seeing you conquer this whole title makes me want to pursuit more, to be more."

"I'm the one to thank you, for all the kind words, all the time you put on me... I'm really happy to be with you right now, there's no one in world I would want to be with."

"I don't want to steal your spotlight but I need you to know... Vakif offered me a contract, two seasons, titular player, I didn't signed yet, but I'll, and you are the person who made me choose the yes, who make me say yes and didn't let me give up."

"Oh my God. You're playing for the biggest team in the world again. Priya, I'm so proud." he was hugging you after that.

The following days were full with news about you, the statements, even though there was still a couple of races left. You posted something on your social media congratulating Mercedes and Lewis, and people were nuts with it.

Later that week Priya and Lewis went to see a match between Vakif and some other team, Priya showed to him all the players and their positions, she let him know which one of them would play with her the next year, and they enjoyed that time there was left, because once the season ended, she would present herself to the national team back in California and the formula one season would have a break, Lewis and her spoke briefly about him flying with her to California, they agreed, but thay would be a brutar year.

When Abu Dhabi came you and Lewis went together to the paddock and the gala after. You were spotted together doing random things and people loved it.

January came with a call from team USA coach asking you to join the team in April to the VNL, the world competition and to let you know that the spot to the Olympics were still yours, even though you spent a year out.

2021 started amazing to you and Lewis, but no one was expecting the turn of the facts that your season was going to be amazing while his title would be steeled away from him.

New year, new obstacles.

that's part 1, hope you enjoy this as much as I, i love this idea, i love how this turned out.

see ya anytime

xx

#formula one imagine #formula 1 #formula one #f1 imagine #lewis hamilton one shot #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton x volleyball player

[girlfromplut0]

a short letter

hi friends ! wanted 2 share a couple thoughts nd ideas with u if thats alright . ive been finding it really hard to connect with people lately , everyone seems so far away . idk if its dissociation from ptsd or just growing apart but it feels like there is a lot of distance between me n a lot of ppl in my life . n idk thats a bit strange . i feel like a stranger in a lot of places where i used 2 feel like an important piece . i suppose thats what happens when u grow , some things make less sense but eventually things will make sense again . most things dont make sense anymore honestly . even typing this i dont really feel real . dissociation has been really hard for me . after getting out of an abusive relationship its been hard to feel how i think things used to feel (and even on tumblr im kind of scared of saying those words out loud, im really afraid of that person even though i dont want to let that fear control me). idk ptsd is really scary . its not like anything ive faced before in my life . people tell me it gets easier and i believe them but a part of me is scared that things just keep making less and less sense . but in another way , every problem you face u have the wisdom and growth of every problem u have faced before at ur back . i used to have an eating disorder but cooking has become a super important part of my life , and i think im really good at it and its been rewarding to share that with my mom and people i love . im the highest weight ive ever been in my entire life and ive for the most part overcome my disorder and eating related trauma . so even if im sad and disconnected from people , at least i am giving my body the fuel it needs to continue living . i haven't spoken about really any of this in public and i guess this kind of secret tumblr acc feels safe for me to be a bit more candid and long form for once . i can't really use twitter in that way anymore , mainly for boundaries and mental health reasons . but yeah i guess a lot of things have been strange lately . idc if nobody rly gets my music anymore . even if it doesnt appear to be , if u see it as jus being like flexing or some shit whatever , it is like a deep expression of a lot of emotions im feeling . n i dont feel the need to explain it 2 anyone i prefer 2 let my art speak for itself . my art is the only place i feel like i can be free and honest and genuine nd create something that is a true expression of myself and that matters more 2 me than anything else . a lot of ppl i kno wld be lost w/o seeing a bunch of numbers . but when u making music for someone else u have already lost , u have chosen to surrender your space to what u are guessing someone else wants . no truly meaningful art can come from a place like that . sharing a little song i made , was produced by maiden who is an incredibly talented and kind soul nd i will link their sc under this u should listen 2 their songs ! im not sure if this song will ever be a part of something larger but since u read my long rambling thing i wanted 2 share one of my favorite songs ive made , in case its never on anything else . thank u for caring about my art and supporting me. often the love i feel from all of you overpowers the discord in my mind. and even if my art is made for myself, seeing that this expression of myself connects with so many people is deeply deeply meaningful to me. im excited and incredibly grateful for the opportunity to connect with as many of you as i can during tour next month. if you see me around before or after the show feel free to say hi, your support means so so much. i love you - meadow (pluto)

[gojosattoru]

hi ana! ♡♡ i believe this is my first time sending you a message and im not really active on here besides to rb while i make gifs but i just wanted to say how elated i am to know we’re mutuals! i didn’t start taking making anime gifs that seriously until i started getting really into it recently and I’m SO happy and lucky that i found your amazing blog filled with so much of your talents. when i learned that you also do it for work with the cute story time you shared i was in awe?? it led me to look at your cute icons and your past themes and omg ur such a sweet and talented soul. i kept forgetting to send an ask and seeing your latest text post gave the biggest reminder to also tell you that slumps or times that can feel like one is creeping up on you are not forever! i know that feeling of being overwhelmed with so many ideas and projects coming while having a huge load to finish but i always try to remember to focus on whats happening now than the past and especially future! and i srsly second what hyu said, isn’t she the best!?! <3 and it really helps to ground yourself in the moment - even taking frequent breaks like solo dates at a cafe or walks to find that spark back again. idk how many times I’ve felt super overwhelmed with everyone and reminded myself to go back to basics that can be as simple as taking a walk :) ILYSM!! remind yourself that you’ll be okay, easier said than done but remember that your unfavorable thoughts will never be true - they are not you! the real you is strong, SO LOVED, and can get through anything unscathed. i adore you, your energy, and art. 🖤

awwww sweetheart this literally made me tear up! honestly you are so so sweet and i felt so speechless when i saw your message darling!! ; A ; gosh i'm overwhelmed!! thank you very much for coming and send me your support too darling!! like you said we are recently mutuals and seeing a message from you to give me some of your comfort and love made me burst in joy bby! i adore adore ADORE your gifs and i was so happy you used my tracking tag hehe that gave me the opportunity to know you, see your awesome content and have the pleasure to meet and speak with you bby! *hugs* i'm super grateful to know how you enjoy my edits and icons, it's super super delightful darling really appreciate your love for them!! ; u ; and don’t worry sweetie, you can always send me a message whenever you have time ^^ this made the end of my week so much enjoyable i really thank you for that bby! it’s been tough and i’ve been trying to focus on what i have been working but my boss is always saying to stop what i’m doing and start on the new ideas so that’s why it made me feel so stressed lately... i just hope she won’t do this so much right now cause i really want to finish everything so that i can work on the new stuff in the future!! to start to sell merchandise we need to have enough stuff to begin our business that’s why i want to work on the projects she gave to me in the beginning and then when we have enough of it done, we can do the new ones.. *sighs* that’s why i am bit overwhelmed with ideas and feeling a bit tired.. but like you said i will rest this weekend and try go outside and go for a walk and enjoy myself! hopefully on monday i will be completely recharged and keep on doing my work 100% ^^ thank you once again for hearing me out, for sending me your lovely message and for being so kind darling! hope we can talk more in the future to know each other better hehe ^^ really will take your words to my heart and think on them whenever i feel down bby! ilysm too sweetie!! this means a lot to me seriously!! *smooches you all over* wish you a wonderful weekned and can’t wait to see more of your works <333 hehe take care too my love thank you again! this was so precious ; U ;

#reply #lovely messages #friends #byuntoro

[chrvstenpress]

This will be long, but I want to get it out before you leave again 🥺 (excuse any grammatical errors) I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the amazing work you and your circle put in to make CP23 to LA a movement that brought her home. I don't think I can even express the gratitude I have for you and everyone that was involved. She's home! I live in Ventura County and made it out to all the games at CSUF and the atmosphere was great. I love football but grew up watching the men's game. I had never experienced such a good atmosphere for a football match the day ACFC played the first CC match against the 🌊, but our home opener was FUCKING INCREDIBLE!!!! Seeing people from all walks of life and ages being so excited to watch the team play is amazing. The game day experience is awesome. I have yet to get there with enough time to spare to check anything out (fuck traffic) but I always feel so happy seeing the supporter groups hanging out, the kids kicking balls around, and people getting their face tattoos. I love this club so much. I'm a STH in section 315 and I get goosebumps every time the supporter's section starts chanting and sets off the smoke! They are so loud and give off such amazing energy throughout the whole match. Someone correct me if I'm using the wrong term but the capos GO SO FUCKING HARD!!! Like they're so energetic and always moving and using so many hand gestures and sometimes I zone out of the game and watch them lead the chants instead! So much love and respect for the capos and all of the supporter group members. I don't follow them but am always checking the SG socials and I'm so amazed by all of them. The drummers go non stop and their hands bleed! The chants are amazing and I've started learning them. I am going to make it a goal of mine to join the supporter's section for a couple of games because the vibe is unmatched! Overall they keep such an amazing atmosphere throughout the whole game and I love you all so much. I'm super grateful that ACFC has created such an amazing environment for fans and players. As someone who isn't out to anyone yet, the Pride Night made me emotional seeing so many people loving each other and it made me hopeful that maybe next year I'll get to experience it! Things might not always be perfect, but my love for our crest will never waiver. To the solo anons, I'd be down to meet! Thank you for all the work that you do for our club! 🖤 (I hope you and your family are well! I hope Ita has made it out to a game and is doing well)

hahaha those are my people!!! im not going to lie, it hurts our bodies to go that hard but we do it for the love of the game and the club LOL. I totally agree though. the first game at Fullerton was one thing and I sort of knew that it would only get better at the Banc, but it didnt quite hit me until it happened and there were tears that were sheddd. also, yes pls!! come join us in the supporters section!! it's so so so much fun and you won't wanna leave once you try it lol. Ita hasn't been to a game yet and she's been okay, but we're hanging in there! I'll be sure to get her to a game at some point. I think she would love it. thank you for such kind words!!!!

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!! 

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist     Masterlist

--------------

Breathe in

Breathe out

In 

Out 

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over. 

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit. 

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad. 

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak. 

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse. 

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable. 

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved. 

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through. 

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise. 

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself. 

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you. 

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks. 

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them. 

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen. 

Your emotions came and went without your consent. 

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!” 

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again. 

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night. 

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words. 

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid. 

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?” 

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.” 

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.” 

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes comfort #comfort #fanfiction #MCU #MCU fanfiction #MCU fic #marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #writingrequests #bucky #james buchanan barnes #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barns x y/n #bucky barns x reader #bucky barnes imagine

[astronartists-writes]

Helloooo:)

May i request a Twice reaction to their Fem! s.o being protective of them?(like in a healthy way, not possessive)

Have a good day:3

a/n: i was so excited when you sent me this because it was super early that i got this from when i posted everything else.

hope this turned out okay!

Masterlist

TWICE with a protective s/o

TW: mentions of sasaengs, mentioned worries about toxicity

CW: none! :)

fem!reader, race unspecified :)

Park Jihyo

when you first showed her your protectiveness, she was a little worried that you might end up being overbearing

but as time went by, and you were super chill about her living her own life, she realized that you weren’t someone she should be concerned about.

you were perceptive to her feelings, so the second she seemed uncomfortable, you would shoot a nasty glare at whatever was making her feel so

usually it was sasaengs

sometimes it was her stage outfits

the glare was always the first warning

if the glare didn’t work on people, you’d wrap an arm around her as a second warning.

if those warnings didn’t work, you’d start responding in place of Jihyo, your tone flat and dismissive

she thought it was hilarious

it eased any anxiety she might feel

because The Glare can’t really work on an outfit,

you would usually offer her your jacket, or would carry a small blanket around to cover her legs with while she sits

you always made sure to ask if she wanted your jacket or the blanket, giving her a choice of rejection

she’s an independent adult, and you treated her as such

you’ve got her back, and she feels safe when you’re around.

Im Nayeon

i feel like nayeon would be protective of her s/o as well,

so you being protective wouldn’t faze her.

it’s just natural

you always asked her if she was feeling uncomfortable with something, and did everything you could to help her fix it if she was

you could honestly be her personal security guard, you were that effective.

you once practically threw a bitch that was getting a little too close, and she was scared at the time, but laughed a lot when the video surfaced

all of twice’s stage outfits are kind of ridiculous sometimes, and you often complained about the discomfort of not only nayeon, but the other members as well

you knew how uncomfortable clothing that showed a lot of skin could be — especially short skirts,

so you empathized, even going to managers to ask if it was really necessary for the members to wear certain things

she felt very loved when you showed her your protectiveness, and always made sure to make you feel loved, too

Yoo Jeongyeon

personally feeling very protective of jeongyeon right now, hope she’s feeling lots better

so you make sure to give her plenty of space, asking questions once, and not pressuring her for an answer if she couldn’t give you one.

you treated her the way you treated everyone else,

only really being protective of the way people spoke to and/or about her

if you felt something was uncalled for, you immediately told the person who said it off,

sometimes you ordered them to apologize,

sometimes you told them calmly that what they said wasn’t very nice, and gave them a disapproving stare

tbh, not many instances happened where you had to tell them off,

so you tried to express your care for her in other ways

like making her food, getting her tea, sharing your clothes

jeongyeon would tell you clearly if you were to cross a boundary, and you would immediately make sure to never cross it again in order to avoid being possessive

she felt comfortable with you

you never once made her feel bad for not liking something, or not wanting something to be done,

so she was able to openly communicate with you with little to no fears

Hirai Momo

momo liked the two of you doing your own thing for the most part

being independent together was nice

she liked being able to depend on each other for things as well, though

like emotional support, and someone to always have her back

one of her favorite things was seeing you get protective

it usually happened at the smaller things, not the bigger things because you couldn’t be around for many of the big things

like if a bee or a wasp got too close to her, you were right there to move her out of the way

if you saw her shoelace untied, you’d get down and tie it for her so she wouldn’t trip

if you saw someone look at her in a way you didn’t like, you would put an arm around her out of the need to make sure they didn’t try anything harmful

she wasn’t helpless, but it felt nice to show her she could rely on you if she needed to.

Minatozaki Sana

because of her cuteness, you often felt very protective of her

however, we all know that sana is not innocent

she’s an adult, y’know

anyway

at first, she was a little irritated at how protective you could be

you were far more obvious about it than subtle

after a while, she got used to it, and thought about how you didn’t question her choices

you didn’t even try to control her

she liked it a lot

you liked to latch onto her arm in public when there were a lot of people, and she enjoyed holding your waist, poking you in the side every once in a while to get a cute little giggle out of you

the display of protection she liked the most was you tugging down a skirt if you thought it was riding up too much

she liked that you didn’t want anyone to even see the safety shorts, especially when you explained that you just didn’t want her to feel embarrassed if someone posted pictures online

usually when you did something protective, you tried to make it playful.

every once in a while, you’d poke her butt when you pulled her dress down

Myoui Mina

you weren’t protective of her too often because she’s not a very social person,

but you took every opportunity you could

mostly on days she was on stage or doing other activities and you were with her

she stayed home the rest of the time, and while she used to be mostly alone, having you around was something much appreciated

because you were mostly in the safety of your own home, you usually were protective about comments on the internet

she would look through them for things she could improve on — some people left some pretty good constructive criticism

but there would always be hate comments

it’s something to expect from being in the industry

not everyone is going to like you, and the people who don’t can be very cruel

she had learned to mostly not take comments about her personally,

but if you happened to glance at what she was doing out of curiosity and found a comment you didn’t like,

you’d get a little peeved

you’d tell her that she should mute those comments so she wouldn’t see them anymore

this resulted in a very brief argument, where you quickly apologized for the misunderstanding

and explained that you just didn’t want her to feel bad

she thought about it a little and nodded, thanking you for the concern, but explaining that the comments didn’t really get to her

so you’d shyly request to read them with her, dragging the people that left mean comments through the dirt

it made her laugh

if someone dared to say something about her in front of you, though... all hell would break loose.

your protectiveness in public only occurred when the members were being mobbed

you’d hold her hand to make sure she didn’t get pulled away, shooting glares every which way.

your protectiveness made her laugh in private, and made her feel safe in public

Kim Dahyun

you only really protected dahyun when she was frightened or startled at first

which was quite frequent

but after a while, you found yourself saying you’d go before her in things she was nervous about

and then even in things she wasn’t nervous about

the urge to keep her safe was just really strong at that point

she was never actually bugged about it

she liked having a doting girlfriend to hide behind

she even stepped in a few times when you looked nervous, too, eager to keep you feeling safe

she would not be able to do much for you while at high places, though

so even if you were also scared, you’d just clutch her hand and shakily walk with her across area that seemed sketchy.

she gave you a kiss every time you stopped,

and that motivated you enough to keep going

after the hell of high places, she wouldn’t let go of you, trying to show you just how grateful she was by praising you and comforting you

you didn’t feel so scared at the end of it, though

she was grateful for your protectiveness, and was just as protective of you

Son Chaeyoung

she is tiny, so it would be easier to lose her in a crowd than others

she’s responsible enough to not get lost, but you liked to hold her hand just in case

our chaengie is playful,

and so sometimes she’s a little bit too focused on messing around with you to notice potential danger

like a car coming down the narrow road

so you’d tug her out of the way, continuing your conversation without another thought

she usually payed a lot of attention to her surroundings, so the fact that she didn’t realize there was a car was surprising.

you didn’t mention it because you were just keeping her safe, but she was very flustered

if the weather suddenly got colder than expected, you always had a hoodie and a jacket on you

as soon as you saw her shivering,

you’d shed your jacket and hoodie, handing the hoodie to her wordlessly before putting your jacket back on.

you didn’t want her to get sick

she never gave that hoodie back, but she always brought it with her after that.

when people had you on edge, you wouldn’t leave her side

if they were decidedly too much, you’d hold her hand,

and if you really didn’t like a person, you’d straight up just tug her away from them with you (if they followed, you’d totally bark at them)

Chaeyoung found your protectiveness romantic, and wouldn’t trade it for anything

Chou Tzuyu

Tzuyu can hold her own pretty well

she can be quiet, and intimidating, so you weren’t actually protective in a way that people other than her could see

you stayed next to her when you were together, keeping it normal looking if she seemed endangered by anyone

if she needed to get out of a situation, she’d tap your wrist two times and you would get her out of there by any means.

she wasn’t allowed to be mean because of her job, but you could be as mean as you felt needed

another way you were protective was reporting harmful comments and/or posts to JYP directly

always under an anonymous alias

sometimes the two of you would end up looking through rumors and laughing at the ridiculous ones

like a secret boyfriend

that one you screenshot and sent to Tzuyu, who sent it to the group chat for the TWICE members so you could all scoff at it

when you asked if she felt overwhelmed by anything you did, she denied it

she felt comfortable when she was around you. she found your protectiveness sweet.

#twice reactions #twice jihyo #twice nayeon #twice jeongyeon #twice momo #twice sana #twice mina #twice dahyun #twice chaeyoung #twice tzuyu #twice x reader #jihyo x reader #nayeon x reader #jeongyeon x reader #momo x reader #sana x reader #mina x reader #dahyun x reader #chaeyoung x reader #tzuyu x reader

[abandoned-ax]

I’m on the team - pt 3

Pt 1 pt 2 pt 4

Summery: the first day of training camp!!

Tw!!! scratching (self harm scratching), panic attack

It’s strange, over the week the team has been super busy, practicing and studying. I helped Tsuki with Hinata and Kageyama trying to make sure they pass there exams, Iv gotten pretty close with the two, there both really fun, and watching them both struggle with classes and Tsuki scolding them is super funny. Sadly the two didn’t pass their exams and are both super upset. I remember when we were getting our test scores back i rushed to their classroom with Yams hoping to see them both super excited only to see Hinata come out pouting, and Kageyama with this super dejected look like he was super disappointed in himself for his grades. They were assured tho that they would be able to get to the training camp just a bit late!

We’re headed to the training camp, me Tsuki and yams are all sitting together, me and Tsuki on one side and yams on the seat across the isle. I’m starting to get nervous, not knowing how other teams are going to react to me being there! They don’t even know who I am, or my situation!

“Tsuki!! What if their angry! Maybe I shouldn’t have come- or-or maybe I shouldn’t have even joined, we don’t know how people are going to react!”

“It’s going to be ok (Y/N) im sure their all nice.” Yams said with this super supportive smile

“Yeah and if anyone bothers you I’ll take care of them.” Tsuki says knocking shoulders with me giving me a small smile.

“Yeah (Y/N) don’t worry! You’ve got all of us, we won’t let anything happen!” Suga says turning around, seemingly having heard me freaking out.

I sigh starting to scratch my hands a nervous habit of mine. After a minute or two Tsuki notices grabbing my hand giving me a disapproving look. He reaches down into the backpack he brought on the bus looking for something, pulling out a stress ball and hands it to me.

The rest of the bus ride me Tsuki and Yams ended up falling asleep, I guess I tired myself out with all of my stressing.

We got to Tokyo faster then I thought, the bus ride felt way to quick! But I guess that happens when you sleep, it’s like time travel.

Getting off the bus we were greeted by some guy with crazy strange rooster hair, I quickly moved to hide behind Tsuki still scared about meeting the other guys. Daichi went over to talk to rooster head while the rest of us got our bags off the bus Tanaka and Noya pushing me and Tsuki and Yams to “walk faster” and “get more excited”.

I overhear The guy Daichi is talking to saying “ your missing a few aren’t you? Wait who’s the new kid” I move closer to Tsuki hoping his tallness will hide me, “why does the new kid look so scared of me.” all I can think about is what if they’re transphobic, what if they don’t want me here, what’s going to happen when they find out. “I’ll tell you about him in a bit.” Daichi responds giving me a concerned look. Tsuki makes a comment about annoying volleyball guys while nudging me to try and get my attention, he and Yams start bickering a little bit and Noya and Tanaka are practically bouncing off the walls and it keeps me distracted.

We were pointed towards the room we’d be staying in putting our bags down and changing. I started getting more nervous, Iv never met these people before and they don’t know my situation. What if I walk on the court and someone yells at me, what if people start asking questions, what if one of them gets super angry and starts yelling at me, what if the team decides they actually side with them! What if-

“(Y/N)” it’s Tsuki and Suga, the two are standing in front of me, Suga is holding my hands and Tsuki has a hand on my back.

“Come on let’s sit down yeah,” the two move me to go sit on a windowsill I look over their shoulders and see all the guys looking at me, I don’t know why I feel so small now, I know them all, I know their not judging me, but I still feel like the piercing stare I’m getting from them is too much. I see Asahi start moving and coming to stand next to Suga on the opposite side from Tsuki.

“Hey (Y/N) I need you to breath for me ok,” he gives me a really concerned look I hadn’t even realized I was hyperventilating, taking one of my hands from Suga and putting it on his chest taking big deep breaths so that I can feel it. “In and out, in and out.” The two words being repeated like a mantra.

Once I’m breathing slightly better Tsuki starts asking questions

“are you lightheaded?”

“Kinda”

“did you eat this morning”

“no”

“why?”

“Didn’t have time.”

“Can someone go grab a granola bar or something?” I see some movement and I think it was Noya who left to go grab something for me to eat. “Are you nervous about training camp?”

“Yes” I say quietly hoping that only he can hear

“Is it because you haven’t played a real game yet.”

I shake my head, I haven’t even thought about that fact that I’m going to be playing a real game for the first time, the only people Iv played against is the team.

“Is it because your afraid people are going to be mean about your gender?”

“I- yes,”

I see everyone look around, I guess they hadn’t thought this was really that big of a deal, but for me, this isn’t something that happens normally, while they all had the door to this space opened to them, I had to hike up a mountain to just get to the door, and I’m just scared that once I get into the space that they all see as a right, is a privilege that most people like me don’t have, it isn’t a space I’m normally supposed to be in, and once you realize my situation everyone knows it.

Suga pulls on my hands making me face him. “ it’s gunna be ok (Y/N), if anyone says anything we’ll deal with it. You’ve got the team! We’re going to make sure your ok.” Suga says with a reassuring smile.

Noya quickly gets back in the room with a granola bar and a water bottle sliding in front of me to hand them both to me. “Thanks Noya” it’s a couple more minutes that I sit there catching my breath before I give everyone a nod letting them know I’m ok, everyone starts to disperse to Finnish getting ready.

Tsuki went over to his bag giving me an extra shirt he had, just like when I first stopped wearing my binder while playing. It’s a reassuring gesture. I get changed and everyone starts leaving before Tsuki grabs my hand, holding me back for a second.

“Your gunna be ok. I promise. And if you get scared or anything just let me or Suga or Daichi know and we’ll get you off the court ok?”

“Thanks Tsuki.”

Tsuki speeds up a little bit to get to yams and Daichi slows down a bit to get back to me.

“Hey I wanted to let you know before we get in there, there might be a cupule people who know your situation, mainly Kuroo the captain of Nekoma, he’s the guy from when we first show up. And I think Kenma their setter might. Him and Kuroo are close and he’s friends with hinata, and we’ll you know hinata. Other then that I’m not sure, they might have told some others but still I can’t tell you what the rest know.”

“Thanks Daichi, um did Kuroo seem chill about it when you told him?”

“Yeah, yeah definitely, I mean he was for sure surprised but, he ended up just saying ‘oh! That’s cool’ so I don’t think you have anything to worry about there.”

“Thanks Daichi.”

“Of course kid.”

We finally all get into the gym moving to get warmed up before our first game!

—————————————————————

Let’s just say we haven’t been winning much, Coach put me into Hinatas spot so Iv been playing a lot. Honestly Iv been so stressed about my gender that I didn’t have time to stress about the fact that Iv never been in a game before. Iv gotten a few good spikes in and have been blocking a bit, but I’m by no means super good! We’ve been doing lots of flying laps.

After one of our practice games with nekoma everyone was taking a break to drink some water when some guy with bleached long hair came over to me.

“Hey.” He said kind of quietly, he seemed pretty awkward like he doesn’t do this often.

“Hey?”

“Um I just wanna let you know- i mean I’m friends with hinata and he’s told me about your situation.”

“Ah I see”

“I just wanted to let you know I’m chill with it, all of us on Nekoma are, so you’ve got nothing to worry about with us.”

“Thanks. It’s uh really reassuring to hear that. I’m (Y/N)”

“Kenma.”

“It’s nice to meet you Kenma”

“So uh how long have you been playing, it’s just we did a practice game with you guys not to long again and you weren’t there.”

“Oh yeah umm I just started playing only a few weeks ago.”

“Wow really. Your pretty good for someone who’s never played before.”

“Ha thanks, but I really have my team to thank, they got me playing and have been pretty good teachers”

“I hope one of those teachers hasn’t been Hinata I’m pretty sure most of what he says to explain volleyball is sound-effects.”

“I know right! It’s like he doesn’t know words sometimes.”

“Yeah it’s really strange but you get used to it.”

“Haha I guess eventually I’ll learn to speak his strange language!”

“Yeah!” Kind of out of nowhere the guy from this morning Kuroo I think his name was wrapped an arm around Kenmas shoulders.

“Well well what do we have here! Is Kenma actually talking to someone!”

“Shut up Kuroo”

“Hi I’m Kuroo, (Y/N) right?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s me.”

“Well it’s nice to meet the newest player.” He sends me a wink, “come on Kenma our games about to start, it was nice to meet you (Y/N)!” The two walk off headed back to the court.

It’s a little bit later in the day that Hinata and Kageyama show up! Hinata taking my spot in the game, and honestly I’m grateful, this day has been exhausting.

An: hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all liked this part!! I’m so excited to keel writing!! I take requests so if you have any please just message me!!!

#hinata shouyou #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x trans reader #haikyuu x me #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x male reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!! #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima x you #tsukishima fluff #tobio kagayama #kagayama x reader #sugawara x reader #kenma x reader #kuroo x y/n #asahi x you

[pwarkluv]

❝ crush on you - l.mk ❞

lee mark x reader | fluff | 1.4k words

WARNINGS | lowercase is intended, idol au, love at first sight au, mature language/cursing, westernartist!reader, mark is a shy bby, soft!mark, lowkey shy!reader bc lol, ANOTHER REQUEST YAY!!

REQUEST | “love your writing! do you mind taking a request of mine? it’s where mark sees a western artist at an award show or function and he has a crush on her and wants to get with her before nct goes back to korea… thank you” - anon <3

SUMMARY | his little heart has a crush on you :)

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “crush on you” by soul fro and dum di dum! IM SO EXCITED THIS IS ANOTHER REQUEST!! THANK YOU ANON ILY <3 hopefully this meets your expectations :) i actually don’t know how award shows in the states work even though i’m literally from america so this might be slightly inaccurate lol. anyways thank you for supporting me crappy writing ahfkjdh i love you <33

mark had no idea what it was about you that captured his fragile little heart. you, the tiny first time nominee at the ama’s.

nct 127 was once again nominated for an award at the western convention, the team touring around the area as well. the red carpet was flooded with cameras, flashes and intense yells for attention was the only thing mark could hear.

but the moment you started walking down the silk road, it was like all of the sound buzzed down to a silence.

❝ my heart has a little crush on you ❞

you were the only thing the boy could see.

your soft pink gown clashed with the intense red on the floor, the pretty floral print around the chest and waist of the dress all the more brought out your skin tone. your hair was left in pretty curls and mark could’ve sworn he saw a pink flower pin somewhere in there too.

the shy smile you let out the moment the paparazzi noticed you made mark’s heart race, hearing them ask you how you felt about your first ama’s since your debut.

so she’s a newbie, mark thought knowing that was the reason he’s never seen you before.

“how does it feel to be nominated for your first award?” a man asked, flashes all around you. your heart was racing with fear.

don’t fuck up now, you thought to yourself before smiling.

“if i’m being honest, i’m terrified.” you answered truthfully, watching as the group of people in front of you nodded in understanding. “but i’m super excited and grateful to be here, so the nerves don’t really matter.” you awkwardly continued as some cooed at your shyness.

“now i must say that’s a beautiful dress you have on.” a woman with a microphone said causing you to blush.

“ahh thank you!” you gushed, turning to her with warm cheeks. “i was scared it might be too much but my stylist insisted i wear it.”

“well you’re stunning.” the woman winked before a certain group of boys caught her eye. “good luck today y/n! hopefully this will be your first win.” she said before floating to the korean boys a couple feet away.

“thank you!” you called out, watching her go to the group of boys ahead of you.

curiosity struck you knowing you had no clue who they were. once you made it past the runway, you sneaked a look at the group only to have your breath taken away.

they were gorgeous, especially the one in the front.

his big brown doe eyes were shining under the lights and even though they were all wearing the same back suit and tie, this boy seemed to stand out to you.

❝ so immature but these butterflies they keep me laughing ❞

“hey lauren?” you nudge your manager. “who’s that?” you secretly point, not wanting to draw attention.

“oh that’s mark lee from nct 127. they’re the korean boy group that’s nominated for an award.” your manager replied.

she then pokes your sides as she smirks. “don’t tell me you have a thing for the canadian dude!” she says and you yelp from the impact.

“HE’S CANADIAN TOO?” you whispered-shouted to the girl, a little taken aback. so he’s handsome and most likely knows how to speak english?

“it’s always the damn canadians.” you grumbled under your breath as your manager laughed knowing this might be the start of something new.

-

“hyung remember that girl from the runway with the pink floral dress?” mark asks one of their managers. the man nods, a little confused by the question.

“how can you not?” the man jokes, mark nodding with a small smile.

“do you happen to know her name?” the boy asks as

his manager gives him a look. “where is this going mark?”

“no where i swear i just want to know who she is.” mark said, holding his hands up in surrender.

“hmm okay well i’m pretty sure her name is y/n.” his manager responds before being asked by another staff member for something.

“y/n.” mark said hazily, liking how your name sounds on his tongue.

-

mark was in love. there was no other way to describe this feeling. while waiting in their waiting rooms for the show to start, mark took the time to look up your music.

and god was he mad he didn’t know who you were before.

your songs were incredible and your voice held a certain fragility that made mark wanna give you a hug.

she better win, he thought to himself as they were ushered out of the waiting room and into the award show.

-

“oh my god oh my god oh my god.” you whispered to yourself as your heart raced. the award you were nominated in was about to be called and you wished you could hide in a hole and disappear from the crowd.

your manager sensed your nerves and squeezed your hand, silently letting you know she’d be there for you through anything. you softly smiled as you felt your nerves subside.

“and the winner is…” the man called out, purposefully slowing down a bit to create suspense.

mark knew this was the category you were nominated in, and the moment they were about to reveal the winner he held his breath.

please be y/n, he thought in his head as the announcer took another breath.

“y/n!” and if it wasn’t for his self-strength, mark could’ve sworn he would’ve jumped up in joy.

❝ my heart wrote a little song for you ❞

mark couldn’t keep his eyes off you throughout the entire award show. in fact, he was a little worried someone would notice because of how painfully obvious he was being.

but it’s not like you were any better. whenever mark would look away, you’d be looking at him.

“just talk to him.” your manager lauren complained, sick of the heart eyes you’d send to the boy.

so oblivious, she thought rolling her eyes. even she had seen the way he’d sneak glances at you as well.

“shhh.” you hushed her, looking around. it was nearing the end of the convention but you didn’t want to risk anyone over hearing her.

“i don’t know laur, he probably hasn’t even noticed me.” you quietly sighed feeling a bit down.

why would he? you’re just a newbie while he’s been in the industry for years.

“oh you’d be surprised.” the girl responded, shaking her head at your stupidity.

-

“are you y/n’s manager?” a man asked, stopping the woman. raising an eyebrow lauren motioned you too keep walking backstage to your dressing room.

how odd, you thought walking away.

“yes i am. why what’s going on.” lauren replied hesitantly.

the man let out a sigh of relief before continuing. “i’m one of the managers for nct 127 and let’s be honest,” he said letting the woman relax. she saw where this was heading.

“mark and y/n are head over heels for each other.” they both said at the same time.

“you noticed mark’s glances?” he asked in surprise.

“duh who wouldn’t?” she replied causing the man to laugh.

“y/n wouldn’t.” he said back causing them two to formulate a plan.

“y/n i have someone i’d like to introduce to you.” your manager said walking into your dressing room. you sat lazily on the couch still in your dress, your toes aching from being in those heels for hours.

“what’s up lauren?” you asked looking up from your phone.

“meet mark from nct 127.”

and just like that your heart jumped.

❝ won’t you take a listen ❞

the two of you stood awkwardly in front of each other not really knowing what to say. your managers had set you up, playing off the fact that they themselves have gotten along quite well and would like for their artists to meet.

“hey-“

“hi-“

you both started at the same time. you immediately flushed rushing to let him go first.

“uh you can go first.” you timidly responded.

“no you.” mark replied just as embarrassed.

“good grief just ask for each other’s numbers.” the two managers hollered in unison, cringing at the awkwardness in the air.

“y-you wanna get lunch sometime soon?” mark asked with sudden confidence.

❝ and dance with me to the rhythm ❞

you smiled causing him to smile back. “duh.”

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #mark lee #lee mark #nct mark #nct mark lee #nct lee mark #mark lee imagine #lee mark imagine #nct mark imagine #nct mark fanfic #nct mark imagines #lee mark imagines #mark lee imagines #lee mark fanfic #mark lee fanfic #neo culture technology #nct imagine #nct imagines #nct 127 imagine #nct 127 imagines #nct dream imagine #nct dream imagines #lee taeyong #moon taeil #seo johnny #kim doyoung #jung jaehyun #nakamoto yuta

[businessbois]

hello blue :D i would like to know everything you would like to tell me about your favourite fic you've written

lyssie shrugofgod weirdly-enough this is the kindest thing ever i hope you're ready for vaguely comprehensible ranting.

okay so i couldn't choose between two fics "once i called you brother" and "the art and (mine)craft of war" because i could talk forever about both, but im gonna talk about "once i called you brother" because its the less popular one

heres the link :)

so i basically wrote this fic because i thought that the song "the plagues" from prince of egypt (or at least the opening lines) were incredibly perfect for c!tommy and c!techno and it was a shame that no one did an animatic for it yet. i cannot draw so i just wrote a fic for it.

once i called you brother once i thought the chance to make you laugh was all i ever wanted

is that literally not tommy with techno though?

and then the rest of the song can read as like doomsday or november 16th, you know, them arguing about selfishness and betrayal and all that. the song fucking slaps.

but anyways the fic itself? the opening is inspired by how like, if you didn't know who technoblade was during the beginning of the smp, he would just be this mysterious figure of legend that tommy, wilbur, or dream occasionally talked about. it hit me during the dream v technoblade duel stuff that since techno had never been on the smp before, he was just this invisible dude with a huge reputation and that was so cool to me.

"Alrighty, I've been here before, right?"

"Listen, Techn—Dream..."

these are quotes from tommy that i quoted in the fic. i used to do this a lot, just stick quotes with no context into fics because i assumed everyone had the same precise memory of everything that went on the smp that i did. the first one is referring to tommy being surrounded by people outside the community house and "i've been here before" is him remembering a similar scenario on smpearth and therefore technoblade. the second is when he accidentally calls dream techno (about 30 seconds into this comp) again adding to techno's thing of being just this widely alluded to figure.

"Who do you think will win? My bets on our boy, Dream, but feel free to be wrong."

Niki stays quiet, a small frown on her face.

i feel bad for cutting niki absolutely owning dream with "well, techno's my friend" but it simply couldnt stay in for fic purposes

waking up to a frantic Bitzel muttering about hypothermia and something heavy and red covering his shivering frame.

smpearth is canon because i Want it to be canon and in my canon there's a moment where tommy passes out in the middle of a fight and techno brings him back to business bay wrapped up in his cape because he's technosoft and all their fighting is more like play fighting anyways

Tommy knows that love is earned. That if he does well in some Championships, then his place in the family is secured.

this is inspired by the bet that wilbur and tommy had in like mcc8 that if they placed fifth or higher tommy could be in sbi. in tommy's pov it becomes, "you have to earn your place in this family."

“Because I’m not the vice president.”

this is from one of his exile streams where he's talking to dream about why people won't visit him anymore

Tommy is 10 and too big for his boots.

this section is inspired by tommy's story of how he met techno as told in this storytime.

there is something that flickers at the back of his mind when the ratty zombie child calls him The Blade.

i think it's so incredibly special that everybody calls techno The Blade but like,, that's tommy's nickname for him. theres this moment where tommy's talking about giving techno a nickname and techno's like "you call me The Blade!' again, everybody calls techno The Blade, but he tells tommy "you call me The Blade." like i don't know how to articulate this but, that's tommy's nickname for him. they're brothers.

Tommy's been to war with soft, pale blues.

ae reference because again, smpearth is canon cuz i said

Tommy is 13 and standing over the remains of Business Bay's storage area.

this is an smpearth thing. wisp and vop did a whole grief of business bay, it was very dramatic very tragic. the thing with techno coming to business bay to talk to tommy is from this comic and i hold this headcanon close to my heart.

"Tommy, if anyone gives you trouble—and I mean serious trouble, not the kind we have—you tell me.”

Tommy hears an echo of similar words from the man who just burnt down everything he’s worked for.

"Tommy, anyone that touches you fucks with me... I will kill Techno if it takes me all of my life to prepare for it, you understand me?"

im so proud of this parallel between wisp and techno man you have no clue. okay, so like i said before, the ae versus bb thing in my head is very much like play fighting. sometimes it gets serious like the scenario which is happening in the fic where things actually get destroyed. that's because they're stubborn teenaged boys and conflicts can go from fun to actual trouble real quick. these "similar words" and the following quote are references to one of my favorite wisp moments ever. wisp, for anyone unclear on smpearth backstory, was a part of business bay before he betrayed them for the antarctic empire. he was also the one who burnt down the storage area which is why tommy's remembering this quote so bitterly.

Tommy rolls his eyes. "I pinky promise, Technoblade." He sticks out his little finger like a challenge.

the pinky promising is Canon from like the post-exile streams i think and i headcanon it as something tommy just does with people

and so this is to put context to the "using techno" thing. because i've always kinda viewed as like calling in a friend (or a big brot—[gunshot]) in for help so this part of the fic gives it the background to be like that

But then, Tommy is 16 and standing in a cataclysm, once again watching everything he’s worked for get destroyed by a man who swore to protect him.

this line solidifies that parallel to wisp where techno made a similar promise to protect tommy and now he's destroying everything tommy's worked for (business bay in wisp's case, lmanburg in techno's case) im very proud of this parallel.

His tall brown-haired friend from competitions past

wilbur of course, the competitions past being mcm

He collects titles like music discs

i asked my friend for things that people collect and they said "records" and i said "wait—"

Technoblade is 17 and he has no family. He has a friend who makes sure he sleeps. He has a friend who creates bridges and mischief. He has a bug that he still hasn't squashed.

i've always loved the idea of sbi becoming this little found family on smpearth. like they're not super lovely dovey "we're like brothers" but they're so fond of each other and they hang out when they're not pretending to be at war. and so theres still that room to say that they're not family, but like they totally are

Bright blue eyes beg him for some entertainment, so Techno sighs and grabs The Complete Works of William Shakespeare off the shelf.

this headcanon that techno used to read them shakespeare comes from wilbur's offhand comment asking techno to recite king lear to them

Wilbur's planted himself at Techno's side for the duration of the finale, something that he's grateful for. Wilbur's always been his person to lean on for things like this.

inspired by i think wilbur saying that he was techno's like designated extrovert during mcc's and i really love that aspect of their relationship. because techno is looked at as "the older brother" in so many ways, but like in this way, when wilbur's guiding him through social situations and supporting him, he gets to be wilbur soot's little brother.

Technoblade never says I love you, but he reads his baby brother The Twelfth Night instead of Hamlet and ends Theseus' tale after the Minotaur.

this was one of the first things i had written for this fic. so obviously hamlet is a tragedy while the twelfth night is a rocking good time. so like going back to that shakespeare headcanon but techno protecting tommy in the little ways. the theseus part is inspired by me not knowing the rest of theseus' story after he gets home and his dad jumps into the ocean. like the exile and death stuff i didn't hear about until the dsmp so that's where that came from. techno, even though it kind of goes against who he is, leaving theseus' story as a victory where the hero slays the monster, just to give his little brother something with a happy ending

"Do you want to be a hero, Tommy? THEN DIE LIKE ONE!"

i did always think this could be seen as like "well if you want to be a hero, then you can die like one" and leaving off the unspoken "but if you don't want to be--if you choose not to be, then you get to live. so don't be a hero. please don't be a hero." and theres like that little tragedy there that i really love in techno and tommy's relationship. like, i love you, you love me, all i ever wanted was to make you laugh, but we don't speak the same language. we don't understand each other. everything you are is against everything i stand for. so yeah bedrock bros feels. i wrote this long before exile and all that so its even more complicated now gosh.

#long post

[fatoujallovv]

a smooch on the forehead from me and lulu before we get started 😚

I'm so so happy that I finally decided to become active here over the summer because I have made amazing friends and being here has brought so so much positivity and joy to my life 🥺💛 without all the mutuals and followers I’ve gained this year, without learning to gif and experimenting with making all types of creations, I definitely wouldn’t have made it to the point now where I can confidently say that I am working towards being the happiest I’ve ever been. thank you all so so much, I love every last one of you endlessly 💛💛💛💛

my first thank you to @luxandobscurus and @lucasotteli for becoming my very best friends this year. I can’t imagine life without our insane late night chats and your endless support, im lov u both with my entire heart you deserve only amazing things always.

next thank you to all the lovely people I met through caro’s lil discord server, the ael server, and brocsquad for being amazing lovely groups of people who have been so so fun to talk to 🥺💛💛💛 I know I'm not the best at being active in big groups but I love you all even if I don’t interact much 🥺💗 

lets be friends server @dreamaur (I love you more than life itself ann never stop being your incredible self) @alwayskissmeatnight (you’re the most supportive and protective momma bear and I love being mutuals with you so so much) @kieunora (the most talented big brained queen here) @kritiquer @alterlovex @rosesunrise @demauryss @blanxkey @thegirlnooneknows5 @grey-mist-exist @saltyflowr @tawmlinsun 

ael server @kieumyvus​ (thank you for helping this novice giffer learn the ropes and being so welcoming and willing to offer advice and help to everyone 💛💛)  @womenstan​ (thank you for my birthday gifset I still can't believe you made it for me you’re the sweetest of all time!!) @veerledejaegers​ @noramachwtz​ @norangensft @lallemcnt @lolasluquette @lesbianfatous @soluxogobsc @bi-isa-keijser @lucakuloo 

brocsquad @lieverobbe (my very first tumblr friend ily em I hope the uni life is treating you well 💛💛💛) @jensrolt (the sweetest angel fairy lady in the world thank you for blessing us with your amazing bright spirit) @kingarthurpendragons (my soulmate I love and miss you so much 🥺💗) @to-enter-polaris (most talented gif maker and sweetest soul. sarah I love you forever thank you once again for my film posters in case you haven’t heard I love them) @sonderthroughthestreets (I'll always remember how lovely you were in my first few weeks on tumblr and how excited you were that ‘something like a sunflower ellie!!!’ joined brocsquad 🥺 ily) @gucciboner @sanabakkoushd @ayarambles @thenerd10  @franboos @theflowerisblue @earthling-isa @engelkeijsers @dagcutie @welcometo-saturn​

shoutout to @ffriluftslivv​​ (my angel I adore you to the ends of the earth) @isakyaqi​​ (I loved getting to know you better when we did our rewatch 🥺💛) @eliotts-eyes​​ (my fellow greekling name twin! ily so much!) @misunderstoododdity @katzen-kinder @evilhersxlf @nachtumringt @lololil @mailinrichter @alcxmcrcer @lifeisevak @sunflouwermoon @germericangirl @briallenko @awake-dreamer18 for being the sweetest kindest ever I love interacting with all of you and I consider you all good friends 🥺💛💗

more spectacular funny/super cool/kind/incredibly talented people I love to see on my dash!! @alexauriant @avaceleste @lepetitepeach @lallemanting @nyttvera @zoesrobbe @tsjernobyl @sander-klaas @cash-queens @howlingsaturn @vanillalipstick66 @lux-fleur @racoons-hedgehogs-and-pixiedust @ijzermanora @jebentnietalleen @polarisrodulv @bethisneckdeep @fatoujallow @perfectsilence22​

if I forgot you I'm so so sorry 🥺 I’m really dumb so if I went thru my following/followers list and saw your main but forgot that's you because I only know ur side blog or something I still love u and appreciate you so much 🥺💛 thank you all whether you made content that I loved, sent me an ask that made me smile, made me creations for my birthday, reblogged my gifsets, had a chaotic conversation with me late at night, or even if we’ve never interacted at all. I'm so so grateful to be here with you guys!!!! happy new year 💗💗💗💗💗

#whew im gettin emotional out here #I love you guys!!! sorry that some of you guys are already in 2021 I still have like ten hours and I forgot it would be too late for people #*eleven hours wow I can't even count #mutuals love #goodbye 2020 🥳

[wehatejulietsimms]

A/N: i'm gonna respond to this in sections bc it's quite long so bare with me.

Howdy y’all, 🤠 again. Yes, I didn’t in fact die. I’m sorry though that I kept getting sidetracked and couldn’t submit this until now, my boss decided to keep dumping her work into my lap. So I just wanna preface this by stating that I’m going to try and say what I want to as coherent as possible, but I have pretty severe ADHD so I’m not always as easy to understand as I think I am in my head, and I often go off on tangents, over explain things and circle back to topics randomly without realizing. Im basically going to go over their relationship over the years as I said previously (I’m not gonna go into detail about every single scandal and shitty thing Juliet did over the years, because we’d be here all year. so I figure I won’t cover them here, but rather let people ask specific questions if they want to. Remember, I was present for pretty much everything so feel free to ask.😊), but I’m also going to do kind of a mini deep dive into Andy’s behavior and actions (because although the snakes will hit you with every excuse in the book, and tell you that you’re looking too far into things and that it doesn’t matter, it does. The way a person acts in general and towards people around them is very relevant when talking about someone’s health, happiness, and well-being.) To start off, let’s take it all the way back to the time before Juliet’s reign of terror, when Andy and Scout were still together. In all honesty from what I saw of them together (and I saw pretty much everything they posted, I’m only a year younger than Andy, and I was quite into him when he was on MySpace and such, and I always watched anything with him and Scout together because they were fucking adorable lol) they had a really healthy relationship. Not once did I get weird vibes from them. The way Andy acted toward and with Scout, you could tell they really loved each other and were happy together. They had nothing to prove. It just was normal. (For any of you who are younger, or didn’t come into the picture until Andy was already post-scout and would like to see some videos of them together, you could generally search on YouTube for it, but also there’s a specific channel on there called like bring the milk tea or something that has videos of old Andy blogs and also Andy and scout on stickam and such. Worth a look if you’re curious) They weren’t constantly all over each other like possessive pack dogs *ahem Juliet ahem* and whenever Andy mentioned scout he didn’t need to shower her in compliments. They both seemed very secure in both themselves and the relationship. Super cute. Initially when they broke up it seemed quite odd. I didn’t really expect it. It got even weirder when he states that he and Juliet are together. It didn’t feel like they fit together at all (and no I’m not talking about from a fame or success perspective. At least not yet lol) As I’ve said I got bad vibes from Juliet right from the get go. Andy already seemed to be acting not like himself. (Also snakeys have argued that it’s just that he’s more mature now and that’s why he acts nervous and constantly looks Ike he wants to die. 🙄 maturity doesn’t mean losing your fucking personality and being unhappy most of the time. Jesus Christ.) it seemed like they got possessive of each other and constantly needed to show people how in love they were. Pictures, videos, and fucking public love paragraphs to show they are, in fact, in a super real relationship and they love each other. It also felt like Andy’s family was in on this whole weird charade.They (Chris honestly) started to defend her degenerate behavior and attack anyone who had even a whisper of negative things to say about her or their relationship. It was like watching a group of awkward, pretty mediocre actors put on a play about them being together. (I’ve hit the text limit now, but there will be more that I will write just after I submit this one though, fear not haha. N, you can either post this now or wait until I submit the rest, it’s up to you.) 1 / ? -🤠

A/N: i was here for a lot of it as well so i do remember some of this. although i did join the fandom shortly after him and juliet got together (i joined like around the time she was on the voice) i literally remember hoping that him and scout would get back together bc juliet just rubbed me the wrong way and i didn't know why at the time. & side note i actually do recommend people go look at old videos of andy and scout they were really adorable. there is this one video of them singing (i think a carrie underwood song lol) in the car and it's really cute. but yeah just bc he's older doesn't mean his whole entire personality changes. you can be any age and act however you want. i could even use jenna marbles & julien solomita (a youtube couple) as an example, they've been together for i think like 8 or 9 years and are about the same age as A&J (julien being around andy's age & jenna around juliet's age) & although they can have mature adult conversations and all of that, they still act like idiots and joke around together. neither of them look uncomfortable or are afraid of saying certain things like andy is around juliet. so andy aging doesn't mean shit in regards to his personality doing a 180.

🤠okay, so part two here we go. (Also I apologize if I get the chronological order of anything I talk about incorrect, I’m a bit scattered sometimes and the next ask I make will be the one where I talk about the domestic abuse and I tend to get quite heated, which only makes my brain function worse lol) so the point at which Andy was trying to get fans to go vote for/ support Juliet when she was on the voice seemed really fishy. I’m all for supporting the work of the people you love, but it’s kinda strange how hard Andy was pushing this at the time. Too hard in my opinion. I’m obviously aware that it was helpful in the end and he more or less got what he was asking for. But it was like he absolutely needed people to vote for her. As if he would get in trouble if they didn’t. So around 2012 or 2013 it felt like things really went down the shitter from there and just got progressively worse. (I never knew why for the longest time, but after they revealed that Vegas wedding that happened in about that time frame, it made a lot of sense.) Andy’s behavior began to change towards his fans. There are a lot of accounts of this happening from fans themselves and a lot of people said that 1. It was worse with Juliet around, and 2. a lot of the time it would happen towards females especially. ( I think more towards the “pretty” fans but don’t count me on that, I don’t know for sure.) This was completely night and day. Especially coming from the same man who used to always defend his fans and once stated something along the lines of he would never have a crazy or awkward fan story because he loves and is grateful for all of his fans and he won’t get upset if they’re just really excited. I would understand if these fans crossed the line in some way (like the later incident of fans finding his address and harassing them, which is unacceptable no matter who the people are) but from most if not all of the fan stories I’ve heard, they didn’t. They were being respectful and didn’t do anything to warrant this happening to them besides showing up. Which brings me to my next point, a lot of these negative experiences were caused by Juliet. Either she was the one being mean to people, she was causing Andy to be mean to people on her behalf, or her presence was upsetting Andy to the point that he was angry and started being rude and irritable. What scares me the most are the accounts of Andy having a whole Jekyll and Hyde thing, depending on weather or not Juliet was present. Happy when he’s free of her and miserable when he isn’t. In videos of him where Juliet is behind the camera he always seems nervous and strange. Like he’s afraid to mess up. That’s fucking alarming to say the least. You would think that the last thing one would want to do if another person brings them this much anger, stress, and anxiety, the LAST thing they would want to do is fucking marry them. Right? He literally started barely smiling at one point and really doesn’t anymore. I mean for Christ’s sake look at his wedding photos. What’s suppose to be one of the happiest moments of your life and to quote another anon with a different ask, he looks like he’s being dragged to the gallows. (And I get really fucking Angry honestly when snakeys tries to pass it off as “oh he’s awkward he doesn’t know how to smile” or “omg he’s being dramatic for the aesthetics” in some pictures, yes. But why the fuck would you look like that in pictures with the “love of your life” who you now regularly write cringy paragraphs publicly professing your love and complete adoration for? Andy knows how to smile genuinely. Ffs he used to. He smiled genuinely when he was a kid, he smiled genuinely with scout, and he smiled genuinely when Juliet wasn’t around. He doesn’t smile when she is there, and if he does, it is pretty much always visibly fake.) So I may backtrack a little later, but right now I want to talk about the fact that Juliet IS an abuser. More specifically, the plane incident. (Word limit. TBC.) 2 / ? -🤠

A/N: yes. 100%. when it comes to the wedding photos i will never understand people (specifically snakeys) writing off his behavior as him "just being dramatic for the aesthetics". is that something he would do in photoshoots? yeah. is it something he may do on stage? sure. something he would do in an interview? maybe. but candid shots of him on one of the "happiest days of his life"? wtf no. & idk why people think that.

🤠 Just before I start, again, with the pictures, I really don’t think that Andy is enough of a self absorbed egotistical dick that he would actually sit there and put on the whole “miserable tough guy” act in every fucking photo he takes. Ah yes, the infamous plane incident. So straight up, Juliet exposed herself as an abuser, and brought out every bullshit excuse in the book (and made Andy go along with them) to try to cover it up. 1. She was drunk. Honestly this is total bullshit. I say this same thing when people defend cheating or any other degenerate behavior with the excuse of intoxication and I will say it now. Being drunk does not make you a different fucking person. It does not change the thoughts in your head. What it does do is impair your ability to make decisions and judgement skills in general. It’s the same reason why people drive drunk. It’s routine. Its what they would normally do. And because they’re drunk, they can’t see any reason why they shouldn’t do that. Juliet gets drunk, she and Andy fight, she wants to hit him, and because she’s drunk she doesn’t think that she shouldn’t fucking put her hands on him. 2. She hit him in “self defense” and he broke her ribs.(There’s several points I have debunking this) first of all let’s get this out of the way, no one on that plane (including the very real witness who just so happened to be an adult film actress (I think?) who you so love to discount because of it) saw him strike her or even touch her at any time. Two, you are in fucking airplane seats sitting right the fuck next to each other with an armrest in between. It would be pretty fucking hard to break your ribs unless they were made of actual glass, or Andy’s real name is Bruce fucking banner. Bones are surprisingly strong and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’d be damn near impossible for him to do that to you, which brings me to three, if he had broken your ribs you would not be fucking standing up, thrashing around, whining like a little bitch, and oh by the way, continuing to abuse your husband for the second time on that flight. Four, you had a miscarriage. (When I was trying to conceive with my husband it was very difficult. I had two miscarriages before I finally had my son. I’m fully aware of how devastating having one is.) which is why if you are not lying (which I fully believe that Juliet would stoop that low just to get sympathy, especially with this big of a scandal. But I don’t actually have proof of this so I will say that it is just speculation on my part) I don’t fucking care. I am not unsympathetic to her if this did actually happen as I said, however, You do not get to make any excuse for putting your hands on another person out of anger. Ever. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what kind of stress you are under, I don’t care if you are inebriated in any way and I sure as hell don’t care what the fuck you have between your legs. You do not hurt anyone. Point blank period. Five. You are a woman, you can’t hurt him. This one, actually enrages me. We all know your crusty ass pulled this one out (and threw around trump supporters a few times for good measure) because you know damn well how society and the media views and deals with abusive women. Women can abuse. Women who are shorter or weaker than their target can abuse. The fact that there are people who either don’t know that or don’t agree with that is absolutely baffling. Six. The same (I believe) porn actress. Literally saw you beating your own face with the restraints you had to be put in (which by the way flight attendants only ever use restraints as an absolute last resort when someone becomes a danger to the others on board, so she had to be acting absolutely deranged) to give yourself a bloody nose to claim Andy hit you. Then you proceed to act like a child and tell Andy to call your fucking dad. (Which kinda proves that whole Scientology thing honestly) what in the hell. I stg as long as I am breathing I will never let this go. This is actual fucking domestic abuse. (Word limit TBC.) 3 / ? -🤠

A/N: yeah her hitting him "bc she was drunk" was never a good excuse not only for the reasons you mentioned but, also bc let's be real at no point are you ever going to get served enough alcohol on a plane to make you that drunk i don't care what anyone says. also when it comes to the excuse of him "breaking her ribs" does she forget that andy actually did break his ribs a while ago? i think she even visited him when he was recovering so she should know what kind of pain he was in. & if he actually broke her ribs, there's no way she would have even been able to stand bc i know andy sure wasn't able to. he said it was one of the most painful things he's experienced. (i don't think i need to comment on the rest of this. it would just be redundant. you hit the nail on the head with that.)

🤠 I don’t care if it happened just that one time ore more likely is an everyday occurrence. Abuse is abuse and should never be tolerated. Kind of getting away from the plane thing. Andy always seems, as it’s been said on here before, afraid to mess up. Like he might mess up, and make her mad. A common behavioral pattern in abuse victims. He also at this point and for a decent amount of time before, doesn’t seem like he loves her anymore. Like he keeps up appearances and pretends, but it’s like it’s a job he’s forced to do. He’s tired and burnt out but was probably manipulated into staying and juliet is probably clinging for dear life. Also I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this, but I swear, the veganism and sobering up was just a cover up, most likely formed by either Juliet herself or her fucked up family, after the plane incident to hide their tracks and regain some public favor (because you know, if you advocate for animal rights then you can’t abuse your husband 🙃) Andy never gave a shit before though. Even though it was unhealthy he loved to drink and smoke and was very outspoken about that. And he used to never give a fuck about eating meat or consuming animal products like leather. I mean they’re still selling leather goods ffs. I would get having minor fuck ups because you don’t know any better, but it’s fucking leather. And now Andy is unhealthy and miserable as ever, but the culprit is malnourishment and Juliet rather than cigs, alcohol, and Juliet. My final thoughts: I do definitely believe in the Scientology theory, but if not that than I definitely believe that Andy was and is being manipulated for his fame. On several occasions it really looked like they broke up, including the time when they did, and then said it was a joke. It really doesn’t feel normal. Also, Juliet doesn’t really care about Andy that much. She never wears her wedding ring, she sells all their shit, including sentimental items, and now that she’s gained more popularity from being with him, suddenly doesn’t want to put him in her bio or write him the same creepy ass paragraphs or anything. It’s fucked up how shes so keen to say she did it all herself when really she’s been riding dick for fame since before she even met Andy. It also always kinda seemed to me that Amy was kind of uncomfortable around Juliet. We all know that Chris loves to kiss her ass night and day (most likely to do with the Scientology thing “if” it’s true), but Juliet and Amy always seemed to have a weird relationship like it was tense and forced. Also I just want to mention the time that Juliet talked about screaming at the woman over what I believe was a game night and brushed it off as being competitive and no one gave damn. Fucked up. To finish off this already way too long little series, I think Andy is a very vulnerable insecure person who got manipulated by several people (not just Juliet) some of whom he probably really trusted, and they helped to get him in Juliet’s (equally if not more insecure) hands so she could hurt him as she pleases. I truly hope that even now both he, and his parents (even though Chris really grinds my gears) can get out of this whole shit show, relatively unscathed. I know this is probably pretty unlikely, but hope springs eternal I guess. As I said feel free to ask any questions you may have and I will try to answer them best I can. Thank you for reading. 4 / 4 -🤠

A/N: yet again you hit the nail on the head with this part so i don't need to comment too much. other than the fact that i do agree that juliet and amy's relationship does seem weird.

#submission #anonymous