#oh the way I love you goes beyond love itself

[queersouthasian]

Since Pit Babe's end is knocking at the door, I am back in my CharlieBabe feels. I think no relationship will get to me the way they did. I will always be in awe about how human they are and how much humans can love if they want to.

I will never get over how pain shaped Charlie and Babe so differently. Pain shaped Charlie's kindness, his way of loving and caring, his want to give. He has grown up to be the exact person he wished he had growing up. A kind soul who cares so much, who loves so much. But Charlie isn't naive or stupid. Even though he is a natural caretaker he doesn't let people take advantage of him. He is careful and smart while being a giver. And there is Babe, who just wanted to be loved and wanted to love, but was wounded in the attempt to do so that it ruined the definition of love for him. He started believing that love can only bring him pain. This pain shaped his defense. Even though he had found a family of his own, he didn't let anyone venture into those parts of him which hurt the most. He was a desirable sexy alpha racer for everyone, the "Pit Babe", until he became someone's "Phi Babe",

Charlie's arrival was like a gentle knock, where he lets him in thinking he could kick him away anytime, until he could no longer do so, till he feared the idea of the latter's absence alone. It's the way Charlie buries his pain under his smile whereas Babe does it under his cockyness, smugness, so called ego. Charlie picked up babe's broken pieces, some being so sharp it cut through him, but he kept picking those up. And he caressed them. Whereas babe took Charlie's and made them his. They both shared each other's pain. Charlie is loud in love and silent in pain just like babe is the opposite.

But what makes them and their love so human is their flaws. It's the way babe wants to fight along side Charlie but Charlie pushes him away so that he doesn't even get a single scratch on him. But can you blame him? Babe himself wants to fight together but at the face of danger, covers Charlie with his whole body, pushes him back so he doesn't get hurt, so no one can touch him. They can't find equality to save their fucking lives 'cause they are each other's priority, at the face of danger, they would both die and kill for the other.

Their love brings pain and grief as well. Charlie lies and lies 'cause when it comes to his beloved being safe and happy, he would do anything. Anything. Babe may hate him but atleast he will be safe and in peace but Charlie can't fathom that. Charlie fears babe hating him, misunderstanding him. That's why instead of being happy after the "death" that babe is safe, everything assured, he is grieving and is in guilt. He has caused his lover pain again unintentionally. Whereas for babe this grief hits different. He thinks he deserved it, 'cause he didn't let Charlie know how much he meant to him, how much he loved him when he could. He lost Charlie, he lost that one thing he had which he didn't even dare to wish for before, a love, a genuine lover. It was like loosing something extremely valuable for him. He was supposed to keep him safe. But he lost him. He blames himself for not loving his beloved in the same volume. Whenever they locked eyes before, babe had this "I can't believe I have you, What did I do to deserve you" whereas Charlie has this "you deserve every piece of me and more" look on their faces, in their stares. Babe would look like he has found the most beautiful angel whereas Charlie would look like babe has hung stars in the sky. In the last ep, when Charlie comes in to save, even though still physically weak, driven by rage that people hurt babe, his face changes from anger to concern and love and guilt, "I am here for you" whereas for babe his eyes immediately turn red glistening with tears, bewilderment mixed with hope. A hope of finally finding that lost thing, a "finally you are here"

This relationship will last beyond generations and lifetimes, in which every version of them, will search for the other. A love so human it feels like a hope. A hope to love again.

#lgbtq #bl drama #pit babe the series #charlie x babe #I remember a quote which said #“I have never loved myself but you #oh the way I love you goes beyond love itself #this is so them

[beelmons]

Could you maybe write a blurb or fic where Spencer just goes completely feral over how loud reader is in bed 🥵

a/n: im almost certain this is not what you asked for but i got this plot idea and hjhhhhhhhdhf

They say good couples share bad habits. This had become true in the six months you and Spencer had been together. The bad habit in question was being reported to the police for excessive noise by his really bitter neighbors.

Now, what kind of noise could a quiet FBI agent and a simple person, such as yourself, make, you may ask? Well, that would be the obnoxiously loud moans and cries that you used to let out during sex.

"Fuck, fuck!" you would have said more, but the fact that your knees were touching your breasts as Spencer had you in a mating press had scrambled your brain beyond the skill to speak.

He himself could only smile at the fact that your moans had overpowered the sound of moist skin lapping together. He loved when you were so loud, nay, he loved when he fucked you so good you had no choice but to share it with the world.

You could feel his entire shaft bury itself within you, the sensation of his testicles against your ass just serving as confirmation of the fact.

His member was tinted a vague white, the thing with Spencer is that you never understood where he got such stamina from. The speed of his thrusts were proportional to the decibels of your whimpers, the louder you yelled, the more eager he used to get.

Smack! A loud banging noise distracted you a little, causing you to shut up for a second. Spencer, however, did not give in to the sound of the door being pounded, eyes still on your flushed face, cock still hitting the deepest ends of your pussy.

"Can you please shut the fuck up?!" a stranger yelled from outside his apartment door "Come on man, shut your whore up! it's been two hours!"

You brought your hands to your mouth, trying to fight back the noises that you were making out of embarrassment.

"No, no." Spencer lowered his speed to talk "What are you doing? I need to hear you."

"Your neighbors can hear everything!" you barely whispered.

"They should be thankful." he reached for your wrists to open the path for your mouth again, pressing a quick kiss to your lips "I bet he touches himself to your moans." he bucked his hips forward slowly, and a whimper escaped you "Yeah, those delicious little sounds you make. Takes a simple exhale to have me rock hard, couldn't blame him if the way you screamed made him cum in his pants."

His narrative had gotten so filthy, so unlike him, a facade that you only saw whenever he knew he had you at his mercy, the sort of information he could only get by the sounds of pleasure he loved so much. Without your permission, your walks ended up clenching around him, aching for his previous pace to take over again.

"Oh, you like that, don't you?" he smiled in your direction, his forehead touching yours "I would normally be jealous, but you feel so good I can barely think straight."

"Spencer..." you muttered in a begging tone, a much lower one compared to what he liked.

"What was that?" his hips began to pick up their pace once again "Speak up, baby, he can't hear you."

"Spencer!" your tone began to raise once more as the thrusts became faster.

"That's good." he praised "Let's show him what my little whore can do."

#spencer reid x reader smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #criminal minds #criminal minds smut

[saphirafoxgirlspost1]

(Open Rp) Helluvaboss X Hazbinhotel in "Suitors Delima"

(Warning, this contains NSFW, Muscle growth, transformation, Ect. If your a Minor please don't reply to this..Viewer disgression is advised)

On the Glorious day At the Kingdom of The Mystic Inferno Fox, The Last Suitor was Kicked Out from the Kingdom..as the guard told the bad Suitor that he's no longer set foot in this castle again…Saphira The True Ruler of hell was Standing there watching the Bad Suitor walks away all beat up and torn..Saphira was Quite Stern..the reason why he was beat it..He Dared to lay a horrible Hands On Her which is a Huge Mistake..But Luckily..He Kept his hands though..otherwise his hands will be chopped off Sooner.. Then Saphira goes back to her throne..rubbing her Forehead with fustration and growls…Knowing that She wouldn't allow Abuse In this hell..then Her Goetia Royal Advisor (which she is a Snowy Owl) Name "Eliza" Comes to her..and she said with a warm concerning tone,

Eliza: "Oh dear Friend, I knew This Suitors is nothing but trouble.. and I don't blame you for Banishing him For Daring to lay hands on you..Luckily He kept his hands as well."

Saphira: "Indeed, Other wise..he'll be left with no hands at all. heh"

Saphira Use her magic to spawn a wine glass full of greatest wine in hell and took a sip of it..but then Eliza said,

Eliza:"So..What Shall we do? You must find Someone who is worthy for your hands as well Your Majesty.."

Saph:" I know..but many suitors of Hell was not Worthy..they're Beyond redemtion as well…Maybe I should go Up to the Mortal World..luckily..I live in the Nice Mansion but I need to blend in So that way the Humans Doesn't Know That I'm the Kitsune that has the Royal Mistical Blood.."

Eliza: "I agree..this is the Only way To Find Someone To marry you and I meant Someone Who is Worthy For your Hand Your Majesty."

Saphira Nodded and Use Her Spells to transport herself and Eliza To the Mortal World..inside of her Beautiful Luxurious Mansion..Eliza in human Form..She has White hair and Yellow Diamond eyes..and Saphira in human form is White hair and Blue Sapphire eyes as she dressed so Lovely and elegant clothes. In the Mortal World, Saphira is Super famous that she OutShine Verosika for a famous concerts, Musics, Modeling, especially Movie and Tv star itself as well…and also She owns her company called "Fire Fox co."…So Now..saphira smiles and said,

Saph:"It is good to be back on top, Sighs best things ever.."

She smiles but faded and said,

Saph:"I pray to inari if I ever find someone, I hope He'll treat me Like a queen..or a goddess more or less.."

Eliza: "Of course Dear, Don't worry There's alot of good man out there waiting for you..you'll see"

So Saphira Nodded knowing that Eliza's Reassuring her, Knowing that There's a Hope that someone who would love her…But..There's someone Who is a Scientist and He Always..and Mean Always was Obsessed with her so much that he will Do anything to win her heart, So he Decided to make a Potion which will make him More Hotter and Seductive as ever But Little Does he Knows That the potion will cause him to have a Split Personality Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde…Meanwhile Saphira was Riding a Limo With Eliza who is now To humans It's Her Assistant Manager as She head to the Company For Modeling…So During the modeling..She hears the knocking and said," OH! Come in, come in…Lets see who was it?" Then the Door Opens When she sees Her Old good nerdy friend and she said"OH! My good Darling friend! How have you been!?" She got up and Hugs him and then he said…

#Open Rp #Romance #Drama #hazbin hotel #helluva boss

[deafsignifcantother]

if music be the food of love

♥ relationships: aroace Alastor x deaf female reader (queerplatonic) ♥ word count: 2.1k ♥ warnings: reader got hurt by someone they loved before death, reader is shorter than him, bickering, reader loves tea, lonesome reader, alastor invading space ♥ my idea is that reader has a small stereo on her chest that lets out classical music based on her mood. I imagine that it comes from both her chest (softly) and the outside of her manor (loud as fuck). matching pinterest board

Your manor is only visible to the town when the lights are on a tall hill and covered in trees. However, even if all the lights were off, people would at least know it's there.

There are two reasons: the tale and the music.

Tale, a story for the newcomers. They speak of a demon who plays music all day, doomed to play music forever. Oh, the music. The music can be heard from even miles away.

It's refined and dainty, and it reeks of misery. The classical music never seems to repeat itself; it goes on and on and on and on. The demons hear you only through your music. When you cry, the violins and cellos grow with a cruel crescendo. When you sleep, the music is soft, almost quiet. Everyone comes to an understanding, assumption, that if the music were to stop, you would be dead.

The demons who try to step closer to your manor will find themselves experiencing unfathomable sorrow and guilt. The sound of your music is the demonic ability you possess, and it's out of your control. Due to the sadness of your death, you are forced into misery in the afterlife. When you were alive, those you loved and devoted yourself to only broke your heart.

Everybody affected by your music feels that grief.

Alastor doesn't understand why people fear your manor. Your love-related pain doesn't affect him at all.

He starts up the hill, moving both on his feet and through the shadows. On his way to your manor, he focuses on the landscape. The landscape is beautiful; the forest below is so dense that the red sky disappears. Personally, he loves the music. He loves tuning in on you and hearing how you're doing. He sparsely gets to visit, so hearing the song of your heart is always so welcoming.

The worst thing to him is how long the damn walk is.

You're in your house, passing through the dining room, when the lights flicker. The people from the nearby town stutter when the usual sad music suddenly becomes upbeat.

Opening the door, you are greeted by Alastor's traditional smile. You're the one that initiates the hug. He gently wraps his hand around you, only for a short time before he pulls away and establishes his distance.

"Long time no see, my dear." He signs, his claws adding a flare to the simple signs. Truthfully, his sign for "my dear" translates directly to "sweetheart," which he's aware of, just putting faith into you understanding what he means.

"I'll start some tea." You sign, turning immediately to the kitchen.

He smiles at the jazz sneaking its way into your music. The people outside know what it means.

Alastor looks around at the new decor; the place is different every time he enters. It's all the things that you enjoyed when you were alive. That's what is most noticeable about you beyond the aura you possess and how stuck you are to the past; you refuse to acknowledge your situation, which is both a curse and a blessing.

From the kitchen counter, you look at him, seeing him behind you, his staff out of his hands.

He leans a bit forward. "I have news! Have you heard of the new buzz, the new project from the princess of hell?"

A small smile forms. "Charlie?" You remember many years ago when she appeared at your door, in tears due to your involuntary magic, begging you to teach her ASL. You politely declined, though you wrote her a long paper about Deaf Culture (often derailing to rant about your opinion on common debates/crazy events). You've never seen her again, but you're confident she's read it.

You continue, "Her projects are... sweet?"

"Sweet and quite peculiar. She believes that demons can be redeemed. How absurd!" His smile grows, his eyes squinting in interest. He knows you're devoted to being good and staying away from violence. He's here to convince you to join her cause.

"Fascinating," you can't help but show your pure astonishment. "She's on our side."

"Oh, how kind you are!"

The tea is ready. You turn entirely away from Alastor, and he lets you. Your thoughts are apparent; he has spent weeks excited about this conversation. He's absolutely fighting the urge to spill out every argument he has; he wants to mention that if you participate, you'll see each other daily. That hasn't even crossed your mind yet.

You pour the tea and take your time, a little nervous to continue the convo. Alastor's eyes remain on your frame, your casual clothing. The last time he saw you, you were dressed up despite spending your days alone.

You hand a cup to him. Neither sign; you stand still, staring at each other and drinking. Both of you already know what the other will try to say next. Your eyes are deep in thought while he is locked on you. The only reason you are doubting being involved with everything yourself is that you know your aura makes others depressed. It is not very good, isolating. On the opposite stance, Alastor always noticed how your music gets positive whenever he's around. He knows (guesses) that in the hotel, with his presence, your saddening demeanor would be no more.

He moves abruptly, you follow, and he sits on a heavily cushioned couch, dipping deeply, which makes him smile. Your soft smile grows—more piano.

"What are your thoughts?" He prompts with one hand. You take a very long sip of your tea before putting it down.

"I wouldn't make them feel comfortable," you explain. "That's all I think about."

"Ever so pessimistic, my dear. You never know unless you come to visit. What do you say?" He grabs his mic and jokingly reaches it to your face, "A simple visit?"

You put a hand to your temple. "My love," you sign without noticing how his lids droop in comfort, "do you really think I would belong?"

He puts his hand to his chin in faux thought. "Of course I do! The princess will approach you with open arms."

You let out a small, broken groan. You're not going to be winning this little debate. Alastor's going to be able to rebuttal everything you say. Knowing that, why is it still so hard to give in?

You put your hands in your lap before returning them to your temples. His smile grows, and the static radiating off him grows ever so prominent, tickling your skin. You look up at him when you notice the change in the air.

The way he looks at you gives away his intentions. He is standing tall in his usual formal way in his seat, but his eyes are ever so casual. He gazes at you more than anything. His smile is still wide and prideful.

You wiggle a finger at him. "Ah."

He squints.

You continue, "You want to see me more, don't you?"

"Who wouldn't?" He plays off, shrugging. "Your captivating presence has every demon in hell dropping their jaws agape."

"Youuuuuu," you smile mischievously, "you want to see me more."

He continues to wave his hands. "Your accusations are futile, go ahead and fill your pretty head with things such as affection," his shoulders bounce as he chuckles, "dreams about how I miss you."

A breathless laugh leaves your lips. Rather than continue the teasing, you let the positive atmosphere linger in the air. You lift your chin with confidence. "Practically admitting it."

"I know what you want me from me." He signs. You smile at how he interpreted it. You don't bother responding. Instead, you give him a sly smile and lift your cup, taking another long sip; his bottom eyelid is twitching.

The last time he saw you, he signed you many compliments and even danced with you to the rhythm of your music. He let you put your hand on his face as he leaned his forehead against yours.

Admittedly, you only started teasing him because you wanted him to tell you that he missed you. Obviously, he did. You didn't expect him to be so stubborn about it.

When you don't respond, he continues. "When I'm here, your heart sings in happiness."

You nod and sign with one hand. "Very true."

"Well, I find the sound lovely."

"Very appreciated."

You watch as he leans back and crosses his legs, lifting and finishing the teacup. You both spend a few seconds without conversation, just looking at each other. In an attempt to hide how flustered you are starting to look, you lean your head back and gulp down the tea to the point where the cup is hiding your face. But you can only keep it in that position for a short time. After finishing the drink, you place it back down, finding that Alastor is already sitting with his fingers intertwined and waiting for you. His eyes sparkle.

"My dear, I missed you very much." And as quickly as the affection comes, it disappears. "I must give the little lady what she wants. There, are you happy?"

"I missed you too, Alastor. Thank you for coming up again."

Sappy, sappy, sappy. Will you agree to return to the hotel with him now?

He straights his bowtie and stands. "My dear, I'm afraid our time here will be cut short; I have a hotel to show you, don't I?"

You stay seated, just eyeing him. Peer pressure, you sigh and try not to roll your eyes. A simple nose exhaling is enough to show him how you feel.

He leans his head to the side. "Is there anything I can do to convince you?"

You finally stand and meet his eyes. His eyes are gorgeous; you love the way he looks at you. He doesn't take his eyes off you when you step close to him. Your hands reach for his overcoat, and you adjust it fruitlessly, only wanting an excuse to touch him.

You smile. "I can cook you something for your long trip back."

"Our."

"Your."

You both lean in, smiles straining.

He tries again. "Our."

"Biscuits, I assume," you turn your heels and motion for him to follow you. The motion you make is beckoning, and when you flick your wrist, he grabs it and pulls you into him. He lets you go to see your response. Your heart is beating out of your chest. You fall for people too easily. His touch is demanding, yet his face is calm, and with how close he is, all you can do is stare up at him. Your feet stumble a bit to adjust to your new stance. He will fight tooth and nail to get you to follow him back; throughout his days, he always wonders what you're doing and your music might sound like. He'll close his eyes and try to imagine the melody in moments of silence at the hotel.

You can't find yourself stepping back. "I'm perfectly okay with where I am." A lie. "Nobody will bother me if I'm out here."

"And nobody will bother you when you're next to me, get it?" After he signs, both of his hands hold your cheeks. He tilts your head back and forth to try and lighten the mood that's getting a little serious.

You try to hold his wrists and pull his hands down, but he fights against you. He lifts your face so he can look at you head-on. The waist bends his body; he curls himself up to you. Your touch falls to his sleeves and then moves to his biceps, your fingers grazing him gently.

The music is fast-paced, like your heart. It sounds almost angelic, a new ethereal sound surrounding it.

"Okay," you fold but then immediately chew on the inside of your lip.

"Perfect!" He presses his forehead to yours quickly before pulling away. He's taking this win. He turns and eyes the room, motioning. "Packing anything?"

With a small sigh of defeat, you place your hands on your temples again. What would you even need? Like a spoiled child, you realize that if you did need something in particular, Alastor would get it for you. You smiled and shook your head to yourself. "I don't think I need anything at all."

"Spectacular!" Another dramatic sign. "Come along then." The fast twirling of his staff blows air onto you when you start to walk behind him, eyeing how his fingers twist. His head turns as he glances at you from the corner of his eye, his head dipping as his smile widens. The static in the air becomes thicker.

You take a deep breath. If you can say 'I told you so' to him, you will be bringing it up until the end of time. He knows that, so it's good that he's confident in himself and his deductions. He'll ensure you won't be leaving and isolating yourself any longer.

#x deaf reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor #alastor x reader #x reader

[cutielando]

friendship bracelets ~ oscar piastri

instagram au

synopsis: Oscar’s girlfriend takes over the paddock and the hearts of fans with her love for friendship bracelets.

my masterlist

♡♡♡♡♡

liked by oscarpiastri, lilymhe and 2,385,284 others

📍Melbourne, Australia

y/n.insta who's ready for the Aussie GP????

view all 473,684 comments

oscarpiastri i am !! 🧡🧡

y/n.insta baby you're racing, that doesn't count

oscarpiastri oh...

y/n.insta it's fine, you're too precious 🥹🥹🧡

user1 MOTHER AT THE GP ALERT ❗❗❗❗❗

user2 WE'RE GOING TO GET BRACELET OMGGGGG

user3 i live for Y/N's bracelets

francisca.cgomes are you bringing your bracelets?

y/n.insta of course i am

user3 we live for the bracelets

lewishamilton do you have my bracelet?

y/n.insta packed and ready !!

oscarpiastri why are you giving Lewis bracelets? 🤔

y/n.insta i gotta keep my customers happy

oscarpiastri you make money from this?

y/n.insta i do

oscarpiastri wanna make it a legit business?

y/n.insta let's do it

user4 did we just get confirmation that Y/N's starting a bracelet business?

user5 i think we did 🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢

user4 this is the best day of my life 😭😭😭

lilymhe i want one 🥹

y/n.insta of course babe !! 🥹

liked by francisca.cgomes, oscarpiastri and 2,485,273 others

y/n.insta watching my man do what he does best !!

view all 282,475 comments

oscarpiastri my lucky charm

y/n.insta i love you 🧡

user1 respectfully, don't you get bored during races?

y/n.insta to be honest, depends on the race. there really isn't that much going during the race itself, but i keep entertained by interacting with the fans around

user2 she is so precious for making time for fans

user1 omg y/n actually replied to me 😭😭😭😭

landonorris i barely see him when you're around

y/n.insta i'm more entertaining than you are 🤭

landonorris i need to spend time with him too

y/n.insta sucks to be you then

user3 not y/n and lando bickering like siblings

user4 are you from Aus as well?

y/n.insta i am !! mine and Oscar's parents were good friends growing up, we actually lived relatively close to each other

user5 the fact that Y/N actually makes time to respond to comments, make friendship bracelets for fans and talks to them during races just goes to show why she's the best WAG

user2 this is true, she's such a sweetheart and so down-to-earth, she definitely got used to being in the spotlight with Oscar

user5 and she really hasn't changed at all, the fame hasn't changed her at all as far as we can tell

user1 she's perfect for Oscar, she seems so extroverted and bring out his more sociable side

user3 the extrovert to his introvert 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

liked by y/n.insta, landonorris and 4,597,278 others

📍Melbourne, Australia

oscarpiastri PODIUM IN MY HOME RACE!!!! I can't believe we did it!!!! A massive thank you to the team, all the engineers who made this possible, the massive support the fans have showed me the entire weekend, but let's be honest that might be because of Y/N.

Y/N, I can't even begin to describe how much you being here with me means. You're always there for me, cheering me on and making sure I am doing okay. Your support means everything to me and I am so thankful I made you proud today. I love you 🧡

tagged: y/n.insta

view all 638,375 comments

y/n.insta i am proud of you beyond words, oz🧡 you make me the proudest girlfriend in the whole world and i can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us. i love you forever, my love 🫶🏻

oscarpiastri i am so grateful for you 🧡

landonorris proud of you, little aussie. you two are disgusting, by the way

oscarpiastri thanks mate 🙏🏻

y/n.insta says the single guy

landonorris no need to attack me like that…

oscarpiastri sucks to be you, Lando

logansargeant congrats mate!

oscarpiastri thanks 🙏🏻

yourmother we're proud of you, Oscar!! thank you for being you and taking care of our little girl! we love you!!!

oscarpiastri i love you all too!! can't wait to see you!! y/n.insta we love you too, mum!!!!

user1 Oscar with Y/N's mother I'M SOBBING 😭😭😭😭😭

user2 WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU OSCAAAAAAAAR

user3 i just know he drove so well because it's Australia and it's home for both him and Y/N

alex_albon good job, aussie

oscarpiastri thank youu

mclaren great job, Oscar! Papaya for the win!🧡 liked by y/n.insta and oscarpiastri

yoursister i've never heard y/n.insta scream so loudly in my life

y/n.insta why are you exposing me?

oscarpiastri don't worry babe, i think it's cute

y/n.insta i love you 🥹

yoursister ugh, why are you guys always like this

y/n.insta we're in love, leave us alone

user4 i need what they have

user5 i'm gonna go jump off a building now

liked by landonorris, alex_albon and 2,385,274 others

y/n.insta there are not enough words to convey just how proud I am of you and everything you're doing. your dedication is unlike anything I've seen before, your commitment and passion runs through your veins and pulsates every single moment. I love you, I am proud of you and I cannot wait for what the future holds for you. you're destined for great things, my love, and I will be there with you every step of the way. papaya for the win ! 🧡 tagged: oscarpiastri

view all 428,386 comments

oscarpiastri my life would mean nothing without you by my side. i love you beyond words 🧡

y/n.insta 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

landonorris why are you like this

y/n.insta i'm in love, something i'm sure is not all too familiar to you right now

landonorris you always have to bring that up, huh?

y/n.insta you attack, i attack back

oscarpiastri she's right

landonorris whose side are you on ????????

oscarpiastri hers

landonorris wow...the betrayal

user1 not Lando being unhinged in the comments hahahah

user2 they are so in love omg 🥹🥹🥹

user3 i need what they have🥹

lilymhe the love you two share is the purest thing ever

y/n.insta you're too sweet, lily 🥹

user4 i hate my life more than ever after reading this post

user4 why do i do this to myself

yourmother seeing you two warms my heart

y/n.insta we can't wait to see you tonight!!

oscarpiastri i'm looking forward to breaking all rules and eating your delicious meals

yourmother you deserve it!!

user5 i am in love with them

user6 her support of him makes me wanna crawl into a hole and die, she's so precious

landonorris why don't you support me like that too? i'm his big brother

y/n.insta i do

oscarpiastri she's only allowed to support me

y/n.insta don't listen to him

logansargeant you guys are so sweet, congrats mate !!

oscarpiastri thanks mate!

y/n.insta thanks logan 🥹

user7 i need what they have

user8 brb, gonna jump off a cliff real quick

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[whitecreekvalley-if]

[ Demo TBA ] • Character descriptions • Pinterest •

Genres: Slice of life, drama, mystery, romance

WCV is rated 18+ for explicit language, violence, alcohol and drug use, and explicit sexual content.

Life's taken a nosedive—no apartment, no job, no friends. Desperation pushes you to cling to a chance from a kindly stranger offering a ticket to a town hidden beyond mountains and plains, a place people don't seek but always seem to need.

Welcome to Whitecreek Valley, where the Brass Pine Ranch needs your unique skills to mend a crumbling homestead, and a crumbling family. As you tackle the decay of the ranch and the town alongside the rancher's son, deeper troubles emerge—livestock falling ill sparks fears of a town on the brink of extinction. Can you navigate this community, help them rejuvenate, or will it become another link in the list of ghost towns of America's Wikipedia page?

FEATURES

Customization: Appearance, personality, gender & sexuality, what job they had before, their hobbies, etc. Choose how they feel about being a farmhand, how they're adjusting to the rural life, and - with your choices - how the town as a whole sees them. Are they part of the community or an perpetual outsider?

Skills: Depending on your previous job, you'll have a unique set of skills to help the community. Choose to learn new skills, like woodworking, bronc riding, or sheep shearing, to mention a few.

Animal husbandry: The distances around Whitecreek Valley are hefty, so it's necessary to have at least a horse to get around. Choose your favorite out of a cast of individual equines, each with their own personalities. Also, help a calf into this world and realize how fun it is to raise a baby cow! As long as you're in good standing with the rest of the herd, of course.

Rebuilding: Try your best to rebuild the Brass Pine ranch, and the town adjacent. The better job you manage, the more opportunities (and challenges) come your way.

Community outreach: A dying town is still home, and there are stories to be heard, problems to solve. Lend a helping hand to your new community and see how one kindness can pay itself back.

Romance: Not everyone in town is adverse to strangers, and if your heart yearns romance, there is a chance for a spark along the way. Just be careful as to who you're trying to woo in front of whom. Small town gossips, we've all seen it.

Mystery: There's something hanging over the valley, like a rot in the air. Why are people moving out? Why are exports not moving out? And who's behind the animals getting sick? Don you detective hat and lend a hand to the entire four local police officers working the bizarre case.

THE LOCALS (RO'S)

THE RANCHER'S SON

Mason "Mace" Gannon - 27 - he/him

He used to be so much fun. I miss hanging out with him, out by the bonfires. He'd always make everyone feel so included and happy, and oh, that homemade cider he'd bring? Warmed us up on those chilly late fall nights, when we had nothing else to do. Did I tell you about the time he got us all to go skinny dipping? He was such a charmer, I wonder --

Imagine Mace as your human golden retriever – the guy who's a blast to be around, a bit mischievous, and the first to rush to your aid whenever you need it. After being gone for five years to live his rodeo dreams, he's back, now the sole caretaker of the family ranch in his hometown. He goes to great lengths to keep his personal issues personal, and it's the butt of many jokes how he's always there to help others but has the worst time asking for help himself.

He's you boss, and probably one of the best you'll ever get. Just don't pay mind to the spats between him and his dad.

THE BARTENDER

Alice Marks - 25 - she/her

Alice, she's a feisty one! Like her poppa, rest his soul. How I love the drinks she comes up with at the bar, and that horse of hers! She could go into rodeo, but I don't think after what happened with her pa... Oh, but she's a wonder! Always there with a quip, how they drive her suitors mad. Good thing she stopped with the talk about moving away, the town would be so dull without her!

Alice is the town's most known inhabitant, running the show from the only bar in town, which she just happens to own. Her mind is like a machine for fun, and she's the brain behind all the pop-up events and happenings around town. Sure, she can be a bit like a hurricane of enthusiasm, but hey, that's Alice for you. If the town had a social heartbeat, it'd be Alice – the vibrant, smartass soul making everyday life feel like a blessing.

THE DEPUTY

Word of the wise: Never challenge Alice to a drinking game. You will lose, spectacularly, and it'll all be on film.

Judge Gannon - 34 - he/him

Judge is a bit strange, don't you think? He just vanished as soon as he turned eighteen and popped back out of nowhere! That must've been, let's see... Five years ago? He doesn't spend much time with us commoners though, but I think I've seen him at the bar once or twice. I don't actually think he knows how to make nice with people, he always has that glower on. Gets it from his dad, let me tell you --

Bold and straight to the point, Judge isn't out here trying to be intimidating – it just kinda happens. If his brother is a golden retriever, he's definitely the doberman of the family. He's got this brash, no-nonsense vibe that some folks mistake for arrogance, especially when they try laying on the charm and he's not having it. He steers clear of small talk unless it involves his job, and when duty calls, he's more than ready to throw down to protect his town and county.

There's this local urban legend that he cracked a smile once, but it's like spotting a unicorn – not everyone's buying it.

THE LAWYER

Mercedes "Sadie" Diáz - 32 - she/her

The new girl, yes! Oh, a beauty! And so curious. I do love sitting down with her though, oh the stories she brings from the big city, so intriguing! I hear she finds our town intriguing too, the mayor once - don't tell anyone I told you this - the mayor once said he caught her breaking into the city hall archives! I know, scandalous, but good on her, maybe now someone will argue that my neighbors fence post --

Sadie, the big-shot lawyer from the city, doing her solo act in town. When she's not in court, folks are lining up just to get a piece of the urban tales she's got. A trailblazer and truth-seeker, she's got this knack for poking her nose where it probably shouldn't be, and surprise, she knows more local secrets than the town gossip. Sure, she's all passionate and calculated, a bit out of sync with the town's warmth, but hey, that logical mind of hers might just shake things up and get the town back on track.

It's a well known fact that she could get access to places with the right documents, but she herself has said it's more fun to pick locks. Go figure.

LIST OF MAJOR NPCs

LIST OF MINOR NPCs

#interactive fiction #wip #if wip #if: intro #cog #choice of games #interactive novel #choice script #or is it #choicescript #idk idk

[kittenintheden]

Since I adore the way you write I was thinking this might be up your alley:

Tav/named Tav or Ori (years after the Netherbrain or some such) challenging Astarion that they can make him cum with kisses alone. He's blindfolded and he cannot touch himself 👀

And maaaayyybee just to make it harder: pointy ears are off limits.

Well. How could I say no?

Rating: E Pairing: Astarion x AFAB F!Tav (3rd person) Word Count: 1.7k Content: 18+, established relationship, sexy kissing, sexually explicit talk, teasing, orgasm delay, analingus

***

They love to kiss.

A few years have passed, the greatest of their heroics nowhere near forgotten but just a bit distant. They've been together through it all and beyond. They've more adventures under their belts, more friends than they know what to do with, and memories enough to bring more joy than sorrow most days.

As they recline in one of their favorite armchairs, her draped across his lap crosswise with her arms wrapped around his neck, Astarion doesn't kiss her like the first time. That was stilted, acted, hollow. No, he kisses her like the first time he realized this was... something.

He remembers that kiss well. Softer, opening. The loosening of lip and tongue to let someone in. She meets him instantly, as she always has. Always up for anything if it involves him. It has the same effect on him now that it did then.

Astarion groans as he breaks their kiss, rolling his forehead against hers. "Gods, Tav, how do you do it? Sometimes, I think I could come from your kisses alone."

Her grin goes wide against his lips. "Is that a challenge?"

His eyelids feel heavy as he blinks them open to look at her. With effort, he raises an eyebrow. "Would love to see you try."

"Oh, you..." She leans in close and curls out her tongue to just barely touch his bottom lip before she sits back again. "... asked for it."

"Literally did, yes," he says. She pushes up to standing and gives him a gentle shove so he takes her place draped across the chair, legs hanging over one side and his head cushioned on the other. He folds his hands across his torso and smirks at her.

Tav matches his smarmy look as she reaches to her hips to untie the sash she has tied across them. She takes the cloth and begins folding it over itself before she says, "I don't think you're going to see me try, though." She winks and comes closer.

"Cheeky," he teases as she places the cloth over his eyes and moves around to tie it behind his head. "Fine. I get to lay ground rules, as well."

"Go ahead," she says as she gets the blindfold in place, amusement in her voice.

Astarion raises a finger in the air. "No ears. My ears are off limits."

She drops her hands with a huff. "What for?"

"You know exactly what for, you cheat," he says, mockingly shaking his raised finger as if scolding her. "This is kisses only. Kisses from your mouth."

He hears her tutting above him. "Tongue? Teeth?" she asks.

"Only as much as would reasonably be expected during an intimate but not... aggressive moment," he says. "No sucking."

"Hm," she hums. "I'll work with it. Now, my rules: no touching."

"What?" he huffs through his laugh.

She boops his nose. "No touching me, and no touching yourself. I'm steering, not you. Dear."

"Feisty tonight," he purrs. "I'll allow it. Because it's hot, mostly."

She chuckles as she pushes off the chair and takes a step back from the sound of it. "Challenge accepted. Clothes off."

He turns his head in her direction. "Why don't you do it?"

There's a pause, then she clears her throat and says "uh-uh" and he realizes she must have shook her head and then realized he can't see her. He huffs a laugh.

"I'm only allowed to kiss," she says. "You know I'm skilled, but undoing buttons and hooks via kiss is beyond even me."

"Oh, all right," he lilts through his grin as he begins to undo his buttons. "If you insist."

"This as much as you'll get to touch yourself for a bit, so enjoy it while you can," she says. She's closer now. Kneeling near his head by the sound of it.

He enjoys it. He enjoys it very much, teasing her mercilessly by plucking each button with intentional slowness, sliding his clothing off his skin bit by bit. Though he can't see her, he can hear her pulse quicken, smell the stirrings of her arousal. It's giving her a head start, he knows, but he can't help his body reacting to it.

She notices. "I haven't even touched you yet and you're already half-hard. The odds look to be in my favor."

"Long way to go before you can gl-" he starts, but he's cut off as he feels the weight of her hands on the arm of the chair by either side of his head and her mouth is on his. His last words melt into a pleased hum.

It's a sweet kiss. Tender, loving. Exactly the way she kisses him when she wants him to know he's precious to her, safe with her. It's a lover's sigh swirling down the length of his spine and he blooms instantly, just like she certainly knew he would. He tilts his chin up toward her, trying to get closer. More.

Tav lets him take comfort of her. Take love, take care. When he cracks open from it, when his lips fall open and pliant, she teases them open further with gentle laps from the tip of her tongue. They meet, warm and wet, tasting of one another.

He nearly catches her about to suck one of his lips but she stops herself, her mouth flickering into a quick smile before she gives him a light nip instead. It sends a shiver straight down the line between his abdominals and he feels his cock go fully hard and aching.

Astarion presses his hips deeper into the chair and arches his chest up, a low noise in his throat. He makes his hands into fists and his sides and feels Tav reach for the hand nearest her. She sits up and he lets her lift his hand to her face, gently loosening it until she can press her lips to the pad of one of his fingers. It's a relatively innocent gesture, which makes his soft moan sound all the more debauched in the quiet of the room. He bites his lip and turns his face away from her, desperate to pretend she's not having the effect she is as she presses kisses to each of his fingers, then his palm, then the inside of his wrist.

Then her tongue is warm and gentle against the thin skin of his wrist and his cock twitches hard. There's the smallest bit of tightening and he feels cool air more prominently against his skin. He realizes it's because he's leaking, the head of him going slightly damp.

"Ah ha, ha," he laughs breathily. "That's... made your point, I think."

She giggles and puts his hand back down. He feels her body heat as she leans over him. "I don't think it has, love."

"Oh, oh.... kay..." he manages before her lips land beside his windpipe and he instinctively bares his whole throat to her, head tilted back over the arm of the chair.

Tav giggles against his skin as she kisses down the length of his neck and back up again, paying special attention to the place where his pulse point would be if he had a pulse. He nearly gets it together enough to scold her for straying so close to his ear when she kisses down once more and continues over his collarbones, then between his pectorals.

Her mouth presses and lifts down, down, following the line of his abdomen all the way. She's always careful to keep her arms on either side of him, dutifully not touching in any way that could be considered cheating. Speaking of cheating, she's getting dangerously close to...

But she veers to the side, instead placing another open-mouthed kiss over his hip bone. Astarion rolls into it with a sigh, his neglected cock seeking stimulation of any kind. He's so achingly hard and sensitive that he's nearly to the point of mindlessly attempting to rut whatever's closest.

Tav's laughter ghosts her hot breath over the crease of his thighs. Her mouth leaves him and he bites down hard on the whine that tries to escape him. He can hear her breathing hard around her words.

"Lift up a bit more for me?" she says.

With a groan, he does so, lifting himself so his hips are angled better for her. He's at the point of doing whatever she asks because she's a balm, she's soothing relief and rolling pleasure. Just barely, he manages to say, "Kisses only."

"Yes, dear," she says as she uses the softest possible nudge to get him in place.

Her mouth is back at the crease of his thigh, then the other side, gentle kisses up and down, and it is so sweet but he's losing his mind, he needs more, always more.

Tav's parted lips are soft against the root of his cock and his balls pull in tighter to him. Close, but not quite there. Not yet.

"Darling, I... I can't take... please," he breathes. "I'm so close, please."

She kisses the base once more and moves up higher, just a breath, and he preemptively smiles, waiting for her to take him in her mouth, give him his final end, relieve the ache. But she doesn't keep going up.

Tav goes down.

Just as Astarion realizes what she's about to do, she does it. A warm, teasing, slow open-mouthed kiss to his arsehole, followed by circle, and circle, and circle, and-

The blackness behind his blindfold whites out as his body rolls through its orgasm, his spend spilling from him in bursts as he shivers through it. His groan stutters out of him in pieces.

When he can move his arms again, he raises a heavy hand to pull the blindfold off his head and glares down the length of his mussed body at his partner, who leans on one hand and grins up at him from between his legs.

"That was definitely cheating," he pants.

She shrugs. "You said ears were off limits. You didn't say anything about arse."

"You're... going to get it... later." He flops back onto the chair and goes boneless. "Once my limbs are answering requests from my brain again."

#astarion smut #astarion x tav #astarion x female tav #astarion x f!tav #astarion bg3 #bg3 smut #kitten writes #ask box #davenswitcher #that one didn't go where I expected it to but I'm not mad

[istoleyoursk1n]

How do you think the companions would be with a tiefling gn Reader who's insecure about their horns and tail / just in general being a tiefling? Idm which companions!

•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•

How would they react to a tiefling Tav who's insecure about being a tiefling?

(Little note, I personally love tieflings, I think they're so pretty)

.

.

: ̗̀➛ ASTARION

“Oh, poor thing, you’re gorgeous! Whoever told you weren’t? My, you’re simply the prettiest little tiefling I’ve ever had the pleasure to see, and trust me, darling, I have seen many.”

Baffled that this would be something you’d be ashamed about. I mean, he’d tell you to your face if you were hideous but he hasn't now has he?

He doesn't quite understand what's there to be insecure about, you look just fine in his eyes but if you need his honest opinion then he’ll give it to you.

He thinks tieflings are fascinating in their own right.

With long curled horns, rigid skin, and a gaze as intense as the fiery pits of hell, you’re not exactly the worst thing he's seen.

He’s not a poet but he’d show you how much he adores every inch of your body to prove just how stunning you are in his eyes.

Damn anyone who says otherwise, he’d reject the heavens in favor of a more hellish embrace that comes in your shape.

He really likes touching your horns/grabbing onto them, he’d never explain why but the texture of them under his cold fingertips is something he pleasantly enjoys.

: ̗̀➛WYLL

“Love, you are above the heavens itself. No angel could compare to the warmth I have found in your every touch. You’re someone I am proud to call my lover, horns and all.”

He gets it, I mean he was turned into some sort of devilish fiend by his wretched patron.

He understands how it could make anyone feel insecure. The horns feel heavy, your skin isn't as smooth as most, and there are cases in which people easily judge you for what you are.

Though, are those reasons to make him love you any less? Absolutely not.

You looked at his transformed self and still chose to love him, so of course he’d do the same for you. In fact, he loves you even more now.

He’d call you beautiful in every way he knows how, concealing each thought of you in words that all come to praise everything that you are and more.

Besides, there's something rather poetic about two devils dancing in the moonlight.

Would compliment every part of your body you feel the most insecure about on a daily basis so that perhaps someday you’d love yourself the same way he loves you.

He’d fall in love with you and those fiery eyes again and again if he could. You hold his heart.

: ̗̀➛GALE

“No magic can compare to the spell you’ve cast upon me. Akin to a moth drawn to a flame, I will gladly fall into your fiery embrace.”

Upset that you view yourself in such a way.

He understands that a bad light is often shed amongst tieflings but he didn't think it would affect you to this degree.

He’s completely in love with every bit of you, he can't bear seeing you hate yourself like this.

If anything, this gives him more of a reason to praise you more, going above and beyond to make you feel like the god/goddess he sees in his eyes.

He’d speak in loving whispers about each and every part of your body so that not an inch of you goes unloved.

He loves staring into your eyes, they dilate and pulse in a way that bewitches him to a point where he’d rather meet your gaze than look up at the stars.

You could describe yourself in the most downright horrendous way possible and he’d still look at you with the most smitten expression you've seen a man hold.

He’ll help you get over your insecurities little by little, doing everything he can to make you see yourself as the specialty you are.

: ̗̀➛KARLACH

“What?! Why would you be? You’re only the greatest thing that's ever happened to me! The hottest thing to come into my life! You’re amazing.”

I mean she gets it, there's a dark stigma around tieflings that she faced herself. For a long while, she was seen as this brutish devil who’d kill children!

But tieflings can be cool, she thinks tieflings can and are badass! There's nothing else like them.

Would constantly reassure you that there's nothing you should be ashamed about, you’re amazing as hell and she loves you for it.

Fuck anyone who tries to slander you for who you are, she’d gladly set them ablaze.

The constant heat she feels on a daily basis is nothing compared to the burning feeling you give her. It makes her go weak at the knees.

Very direct about how much she loves the way you look, it's impossible for anything she says to be a lie.

She’d scream it out loud for the hell of it, making sure all of Faerûn knew how gorgeous you were with all your devilish little features.

She thinks the tail and horns are hot, nothing you say can make her ever think otherwise.

She’ll love you until every part of her body burns into ash in the hopes that by then, you will have learned to love yourself.

: ̗̀➛SHADOWHEART

“Hm. Well, I suppose we all have our own insecurities… if it makes you feel any better, I think… no. I know you’re beautiful. You’re beyond every loving word I could ever use to describe you.”

Surprised by this but she doesn't take it against you. Instead, she’ll find her own little ways of helping you out of your insecurities.

The stigma around tieflings is bad but it is something she herself can relate to with once being a follower of the goddess Shar and the misconceptions that come with it.

Gentle reassurances of your appearance and her love for you would constantly come unprompted.

She’d notice you sadly staring at your horns in a reflection and she wouldn't hesitate to walk up to you and remind you about how pretty they are.

If she sees you scratching and your rigid skin, she’d come up to you and gently take your hand into hers, proudly confessing how much she adores your skin.

She wouldn't bombard you with compliment after compliment but she'd certainly be there if the self-hate gets too much.

She would carefully drag you out of that darkness just as you did for her.

She’d gently drag her fingertips across your horns and every rigid part of your skin, entangling her hand into your tail if not for a simple display of affection.

There's not a single part of you she hasn't come to adore and she’ll make sure that in time, you’ll come to adore those parts of you too.

: ̗̀➛LAE’ZEL

“Insecure? How could someone like you be ‘insecure’? Your mind has no place for such degrading thoughts. You’re better than that.”

She doesn't quite grasp the concept of being ‘insecure’ about something other than it being a sign of weakness hence her confusion at first.

She sees you as a brilliant warrior, someone she deeply admires, how do you find yourself hating anything about yourself?

She sees no reason for your self-loathing and may across as rudely direct such as telling you to simply move past it.

But soon enough she’ll realize how much these ‘insecurities’ of yours may be affecting you and go out of her way to try a different approach.

She’ll start off by saying how being a tiefling doesn't make you any weaker or lower than anybody else, in fact, you are more than worthy of praise and respect.

She believes every part of you is attractive, you’d never have to worry about her ever falling out of love for you.

Besides, aren't tiefling’s fire resistant? That's another thing you should be proud of, some do not have the privilege of being able to withstand strong flames.

It's mostly listing every advantage your body holds against others before ever so subtly squiggling in an actual sweet compliment that she sort of hopes you don't pick up on.

She couldn't have asked for a better partner, you are far better than anything she could have wished for and she wouldn't have you in any other way.

: ̗̀➛HALSIN

“Nature has built you in the shape of beauty, my heart, every part of you was intended to be loved. Even the prettiest of roses are put to shame in you’re presence.”

He looks more hurt than you by the newly found information.

He believed nature had made all its creatures perfect to every single degree, that includes you.

He could hardly bear hearing you degrade yourself in such a way, not when you’re the most precious thing he's ever laid his eyes upon.

He’d have to sit you down, and allow both of you to discuss your insecurities and where they could have possibly stemmed from.

After which he goes on an entire monologue about how deeply infatuated he is with you and everything that you are, horns and tail included.

If anything, he thinks your horns and tail are adorable. You’re the very peak of beauty in a world filled of glorious things.

He’ll compliment and praise every part of yourself you've come to hate until you’re a speechless, blushing mess.

Try convincing him otherwise and you might as well faint from the amount of sweet little whispers he’d be sending your way.

There is no way he's letting you get away from this without feeling like the most loved thing on this planet.

•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 headcanons #bg3 headcanon #bg3 astarion #bg3 karlach #bg3 halsin #bg3 lae’zel #bg3 wyll #bg3 gale #bg3 shadowheart #bg3 x reader #astarion #karlach #halsin #lae’zel #wyll #gale #shadowheart

[erwinsvow]

not to derail at all but i see your kook!reader (cause I love it, and how catty she is) at midsummers and raise you, pogue!reader having to choose between jj and rafe, when the gang decide to ditch the party. she’s there as kie’s +1 and when the whole thing goes tits up reader is stuck between the guy she’s been crushing on for years or the kook king who clearly has the hots for her which she not against.

also, you are genuinely one of my fave writers on this hellsite 😍😍😍 notifications on and every thing

baby i am gonna sob you are SOOO nice. notifs on? i am so beyond flattered. i love u <33 this idea is GOLDEN oh my god the brainrot im having rn. im gonna try to write a little for you but i cant even put it into words

kiara said you'd make the whole thing a lot more bearable. plus, out of your little pogue group, you were her parents' unspoken favorite, so it just seemed natural for you to tag along to midsummers as her plus one.

and as much you loved your best friend and thought the world of her for inviting you, your heart was pounding your chest while you got ready in kie's bedroom, applying make up and curling your hair and putting on your best (and one of your only nice clothes) dress.

dolled up like this, you even looked the part of the kook princess that you were sure was rafe cameron's type.

even the idea of thinking about him, and impressing him or him seeing you like this, felt guilty. it made a painfully acrid taste shoot into your mouth and run through your blood—there was no one your friends hated more than the boy you'd had a crush on for as long as you can remember.

it was stupid, ever even talking to him, getting involved and sneaking off for late night drives in his truck and meeting up in hidden corners where no one else could see. that's all it was though, secret encounters and a few kisses.

you hadn't let it progress further, knowing how your friends would react, knowing how rafe is. you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to tell you you're just like your pogue friends that he hates so much. he doesn't, though, that's what makes this so much harder.

out of all your friends, the idea of one in particular finding out there was or had been or was going to be something between you and rafe made you feel dizzy and uncomfortable all over. jj was always your closest friend, always the one you relied on for everything—he had helped you countless heartbreaks and emotions and moments of doubt.

a small part of you had always thought the two of you would end up together. everyone joked about it, pope and john digging into him for carrying you home when you get too drunk or lost your shoes on the beach, kiara teasing you when she finds out jj slept over your place again.

the idea of either finding out about your attachment for the other made you feel queasy. walking into midsummers with kie, the hem of your yellow dress rustling near your thighs, you thought you were safe since only rafe would be there tonight. you thought wrong.

rafe is talking to you when jj shows up.

"y'look nice." you stare up at him, unsure of what to say. "what? now i can't say somethin' nice?"

"when do you ever say something nice?" you ask, but your smile reveals itself before you can hold it back. rafe looks at you like he could get used to seeing you like this.

"m'always nice to you. i don't know, kid, this is nice. y'should come to the club with me some time." you laugh, looking down at your shoes.

"i don't know about all that-"

"hey, you. mandatory power hour at rixon's. c'mon, princess." you turn to see jj, face bruised and knuckles bleedng. you look back at rafe, and he looks smug, it's only then you notice his messed up hair.

"jayj? what's going on?"

"rafe, i mean this in the most disrespectful way possible, go away. tryna have a talk with my girl here, so-" your face burns.

"m'sorry, your girl?"

"apology not accepted. so if you could direct yourself over there to fuck off, that would be fantas-"

"j, wha- what's going on? how long have you been here?"

"long enough for cameron over here to set his little lap dogs on me. c'mon, i'm getting kie and pope and then we gotta go-"

"but, i, i-" you stop yourself, to think about what to say, when rafe cuts you off again.

"she's not going anywhere, we're having a conversation that you interrupted, fuckin' pogue."

"botherin' pretty girls, yeah, that sounds about right. get it through your thick skull, bud, she's not interested-"

"um, guys-" rafe shrugs, staring back at jj.

"that's not what she said last night. or the night before. so how about you do yourself a favor-"

"fuck's he talking about, princess?" jj looks at you, and you look at him, and then rafe, head spinning.

"yeah, kid, the fuck is he talkin' about?"

the glass in your hand drops and shatters when you faint and fall over.

#hahah she had to faint to get out of this mess yall !!! #this was so fun to write i adore u so much <3 #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #jj maybank

[demaparbat-hp]

Hi there. ^_^ ♥ First, LOVE your art!♥

2nd, for your Katara joins Zuko in hunting the Avatar AU idea, I have a question. :)

If originally Zuko was hunting him to restore his honor, but now he's part of the White Lotus, does this make the White lotus evil? (The kind that think they're doing it for good, but they're delusional, because their idea is clearly bad.)

Or, if they're not evil, what is Zuko's new reason for hunting the Avatar, if not for his honor? :)

Hello, and thank you for the question!

I hope you don't mind me making this a sort-of continuation to this post, but the replies are connected, in a way.

Now, it may come as no surprise that I love to play with canon divergences. So it stands to reason that one minor change to canon became the basis for Zuko's character in this AU. Mainly, that he stayed behind with Azula to eavesdrop the rest of Ozai's audience with Fire Lord Azulon, and thus was witness to the latter demanding his death in exchange for Ozai's right to the throne.

Zuko, unable to sleep that night, is wide awake when Ursa comes to see him. He delays her, deeply afraid of what's happening, and follows her silently through the dark halls of the palace when she leaves. But Ozai intercepts her. Ozai kills her, and Zuko watches.

It changes everything and nothing at all at the same time. Zuko's desire to be the Perfect Prince isn't because he wishes for his father's attention and love—instead, it comes from a place of grief. Zuko's is a simmering rage that drives him to one day take the throne (the very same throne that turned his mother to ashes and gave her no ceremony) from Ozai in revenge. But to do so he first needs to be ready for it.

Zuko learns to listen. Slithering through the shadows of the palace and pushing himself beyond his limits. But the Agni Kai happens. And when everything is lost, Zuko turns his misfortune into an advantage.

Uncle had started to introduce him to the White Lotus before his banishment, so Zuko becomes a member after he's fully healed. He makes the best out of what little he has—a crew full of agents, traitors and dissidents, and a position and name in the Fire Nation military that, while precarious in nature of his banishment, still allows him certain sway from within.

Time passes, and he grows. He goes to missions for the White Lotus, puts a stop to several plans for minor invasions and battles (nothing major, as to not cause suspicion) and works hard and subtle to better things wherever he goes.

He makes plans. Reckless, half-impossible plans to depose of his father. But they are useless and, most often than not, bloody.

The conditions of his banishment are clear. He is stripped of all titles and rights as Prince and can never set foot on the Mainland ever again. He's no longer the Crown Prince to the Fire Nation and has, by the Divine Law of Agni, no right to the throne. That is, of course, unless he does the impossible, captures the long-missing Avatar, and brings them to the Fire Lord. And that, for obvious reasons, is not an option. It hasn't been an option for the last one hundred years.

Until it is.

Capturing the Avatar is not something Zuko does to regain his honor or earn his father's respect (the first, because he had never lost it; the second, because he's never had it in the first place). It is a necessity. Something he must do if he wants to reclaim his title as Crown Prince, take the throne from his father and end the war once and for all.

But, let me tell you a secret. This AU? It was born because I woke up one day with a single phrase repeating itself in my head, over and over again:

The Prince refused to play Pai Sho, not because he was bad at it but, rather, out of boredom—he never lost a single game.

And that's just it. It's a game.

He can't take an untrained, childish fifteen year old Avatar to his father. But he can give the kid enough time to get ready. Chase him around, play the Bad Guy, push him away from the real dangers out there. Oh, he will deliver the Avatar to the Fire Lord—he just needs to keep his cover as loyal prince long enough for the boy to play his part and become a fully realized Master.

The Gambit is dangerous and double-edged, but all of Zuko's moves on the board are part of the same strategy. This, after all, is just another game of Pai Sho.

And he never loses.

#dema answers #atla #zutara #zuko #avatar the last airbender #katara #hunters au #Katara joins Zuko AU #zutara au #fire lord ozai #uncle iroh

[riminiscensce]

STAY BEAUTIFUL ִ ࣪𖤐 kazuha

SYNOPSIS … “you’re beautiful, every little piece love. and don’t you know? you’re really gonna be someone. and when you find everything you looked for, I hope your life will lead you back to my door.”

NOTES … stay beautiful is such a cute and innocent crush song— I really enjoyed overanalyzing it and making it so bittersweet 🙌

CONTENTS … fluff/sfw , angst/bittersweet , gender neutral reader , takes place before and during inazuma archon quest

Word count … 1711

Genshin Impact (Taylor’s Version) Masterlist

When meeting him for the first time, there was always one thing that stood out about him that you just can't seem to divert your attention from; his eyes.

Kazuha's eyes were filled with life, like a jungle— though instead of being a dangerous wonderland, his was more of a heavenly forest.

You begin to wonder how eyes so red and lively get to even exist. Eyes filled with so much bursting emotion and depth that it scares you how tempting it is to get lost within it.

Though in some sense, you are willing to get lost within his soft, scarlet gaze. Would it be worth the trouble? The temptation fills you to the brim of your entirety that you can't help but let out something you wished you would've thought twice about saying aloud.

"You're beautiful, d'you know that?"

Expectedly, he seems to be startled by your words that seemed to come out of nowhere.

The growing silence within the soft and grassy field of Narukami island grew louder and louder, giving you time to process what you had just said.

But for some reason, you don't find yourself dismayed at your sudden and abrupt (and half-baked) confession.

More so, you were wondering why you would say that now. You've known him for years, and you've long since admitted to yourself that he is beautiful. Perhaps even beauty incarnate itself.

So why say it aloud just now?

Instead of the growing silence that was meant to stay, Kazuha breaks you out of it with his melodic laugh.

"Really?"

Really.

If only he saw the way girls always trail their gaze to wherever he goes— to whatever he does.

If only he knows how they watch him find his way around the city, doing things that seem so effortlessly beautiful in everyone's eyes.

If only he knows how everyone's eyes are always directed at him.

It worries you by an amount of how unaware he is with the beauty he holds.

If only he knows how beautiful he is to you. Well, he kind of does now.

"I feel flattered by being seen as beautiful in your eyes." Oh, beyond beautiful. Not just you, possibly every living soul in the city if Inazuma knows how beautiful Kazuha is.

Would he also feel flustered knowing that hundreds of people's eyes find him beautiful too?

Or would he just feel flustered about your eyes on him?

"Although, I don't think being beautiful gets you so far in life." A melancholic expression finds its way up to his face, fitting in well with the warmth that the setting sun provides.

You've known him well enough to know that he wants to get far in life. So far into this world he lives in. Even beyond that.

He wants to get far in life, even reaching heaven's heed.

And he has already done that, with proof being the luminescent glow of the dangling Anemo vision that hangs behind his shoulder.

An existing proof that he has reached the heavens already.

What more would he want?

Maybe something more that extends beyond your understanding. He had always been so difficult to comprehend.

Maybe he would want more after the future occurs.

But now, it wasn't that.

"Maybe." He hums acknowledgingly at your response, "Even so, I'm certain you're going to reach far things. Something maybe even beyond what you have already accomplished."

Kazuha shows a short moment of astonishment, but soon masking it with a confused smile. "What makes you say something like that?"

"I don't know, but maybe you will, in the future. You'll be someone so great." You went on, not daring to look at how he's staring at you. "You're a wanderer, you'll always be out to discover everything there is in life, and you will find the ones that you've always been looking for— or will look for."

Silence, yet again.

"And when you do, I'd be more than happy to welcome you back."

When? Kazuha would have thought "and if you do", to suit more perfectly.

Or maybe he doesn't. Maybe you genuinely believe that he will, one day, be able to find something that he would be looking for.

He expresses his feelings through a vulnerable smile, completely assured after knowing that you will be there to accept him when he returns.

And you meant it. You deeply hope that his fate will lead him back to your door.

But if it doesn't, you just hope he will stay as he is; beautiful.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Every passing moment you spare to gaze at Kazuha leaves you awfully breathless that you begin to wonder if you have health issues.

But you start to accept that it was just him. Nothing else.

Even during times when the God of Eternity strikes down thunderstorms and bright lightning upon the land of Inazuma, you always picture his image in your mind.

You always want to remember every little thing he does. You never want to forget about it.

Moments when he would always drop his guard around you, nonchalantly muttering words that you don't seem to understand, right through your window.

He speaks in a manner in which nobody knows. When Kazuha wonders, nature responds. Something so obnoxiously amazing of him.

With every swing of his sword, gusts of wind bursts around him, appearing right at his command. No, he doesn't command the wind— he works with it.

And with every dangerous act he performs, you know it was solely for the protection of the people.

For the protection of you.

And whenever he does, you stifle in wonderment. He just keeps on amazing you over and over again. You don't know how he keeps on doing so.

Doesn't he get tired of it? Being so astonishing with every possible action.

On comfortless moments during your days, the simple thought of a memory with him in it would be enough to get you through the dark mist that clouds your thinking.

And it was always hard to keep up with how Kazuha speaks. It becomes increasingly more difficult when he keeps taking your breath away.

But right now, facing him in the dead of night, tired and lost eyes looking into yours, you find yourself knowing exactly what to say to him.

It had been days ever since Kazuha went against the Raiden Shogun's will. Defying her ceremony and interluding with the confiscation of visions— his friend's vision.

Now you both sit coldly on the floor of your home, holding his bandaged arm almost too delicately, the once burning vision, now lifeless and hollow, was found in cloth wraps beside him.

Those eyes of his, that always leave you lost in like an endless jungle, find themselves to be lost.

You only found him waiting at your door— despite it not being the way you wanted him to end up there.

Instead of ending up at your door brimming with the feeling of him, you find him at your door tired and bruised. Seemingly having lost himself.

But you know why he chose to come here.

"You have to leave, don't you?"

Another batch of silence insinuates. And it was the response you were looking for, and the one you expected.

"Then go. You need to go look for something that reaches beyond this place. And I don't have an inkling drop of doubt that you will find it."

You always knew things would soon come to this. That Kazuha would end up leaving the nation to explore the outside world. He is a wanderer after all.

Maybe you felt selfish in some sense that you thought you would forever bask in the warmth of his presence.

Perhaps you thought that you had a chance to fight against fate. For yours and his.

Now you find it useless and merely accept how things are headed.

His fate was to spread his warmth outside of your little nation, it was never to keep himself only for the sake of you.

He is supposed to keen his gaze and build a strong bond with life all around the world.

And your fate was never to have his beauty for you to solely drown in.

It's something deeper than that. And you accept it.

You accept yours, as much as you accept his.

The remaining moments of yours and Kazuha's shared time together was underneath the moonlight, the coldness of the evening air was left forgotten with his presence around you.

He needs to go now. The scent of danger exceedingly became apparent as he stayed put there.

When his departure was supposed to happen, he looked back at you. Looking for your assurance.

"I hope you find everything you're looking for." You smile, hurting as you experience the remaining time of what you have left to take in his entirety. "When you do, perhaps your life will lead you back here." To me.

You felt a sense of your own assurance with the notice of Kazuha's lost eyes to have found something. Something to cling onto as he leaves.

And with the remaining moment to spare, you both repose in each other's comfort. His trembling arms wrapping around you, the same way your weary ones were wrapped around him.

And your last few words to him were kept brief and hanging in the air: "Please stay as you are."

And with that, you feel every warmth that his existence provided, slowly dispersing.

Growing more and more distant the quicker he reaches the port.

Even when the both of you were never meant to stay with each other, you were still hoping to stumble on his path one day.

And even if you weren't meant for one another, he deserved to know how beautiful he is. And how you wish he would stay that way wherever the wind may lead him.

You'll be looking forward to when he finds his back to your door after he finds what he is seeking for. A reunion you're already longing for at the first few seconds of his departure.

A reunion you were willing to wait for. For him to come back to you.

But even if he doesn't, It's fine.

You only hope he stays just the way he is. Someone beautiful.

rimi's notes …

this felt actually really nice to write, kazuha really did feel like he was made off of this song. i originally would’ve put him for speak now (long live, timeless, or mine) but tbh he fit’s most of the ts songs. And rereading this made me realize i coulda put him in evermore with it’s time to go as his song. but that spot is for zhongli now hhh

Next in line would be Venti for Fearless!

hearts / reblogs / follows are very much appreciated ★

Genshin Impact (Taylor’s Version) ִ ࣪𖤐 Hey Stephen by Venti

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #kazuha x reader #kaedehara kazuha x reader #kazuha x reader fluff #genshin fluff #genshin angst #Genshin Impact TV 🫶🪽

[lonepantheress]

i really love you

☆ pairing: kim gyuvin x reader

☆ genre: angst mostly! rlly not as romantic as i hoped

☆ warnings: yunjin le sserafim cameo

☆ wc: 3.3k

☆ a/n: i feel like i owe 1000 apologies and then some. this is the first thing that i've written in awhile. i know i've been MIA but life has really been chaotic. still i wrote this a few weeks ago and decided just to post since i haven't. i miss this blog and the lovely messages i'd receive. i hope you all enjoy &lt;3.

You were often told that people envied your friendship with Gyuvin. You hadn’t known each other your whole lives, but it definitely felt like it. In fact, you considered yourself lucky to have a connection that goes so far beyond the surface level.

The depth of your bond presented itself in a way you considered unique. It was incredible to have someone who knew everything about you – who wanted to know everything about you. He was your shoulder to cry on and the most reliable person that you knew. You often found yourself with the fleeting thought of What if we were more than just best friends? But you brushed it off before you even gave yourself the chance to entertain it.

Still, it was no question to the people around you that you and Gyuvin were something more than best friends – even without that “Boyfriend-Girlfriend” label.

Which is how you found yourself in this position: You and Yunjin found yourselves in the same boat of “I-haven’t-know-you-my-whole-life-but-I-definetly-feel-like-I-have,” meaning you frequently spent your time with one another, and on a weekly basis you slept over at her apartment and vice versa.

You’d watch movies and do skin care and braid hair, but above all you exchanged secrets. Over months and months of sleepovers you found out about Yunjin’s secret spelling mishap of 8th grade, and she found out about your high school boyfriend who liked to call you “Sugar Plum” unironically. No matter how serious or ridiculous the secret, they came out naturally in the dead of night during almost every sleepover the two of you would have.

“I think, maybe, deep down inside, I am possibly harboring some feelings for Gyuvin.” The confession came out with the same pit in your stomach you get when you’re throwing up. 

You sat across from Yunjin on her apartment bedroom floor with green face masks adorning both of your faces. You couldn’t believe the words that had just left your mouth, your heart raced while you waited for Yunjin to give you some sort of response. When your eyes darted up at her, she looked at you wide-eyed and jaw-dropped. 

The room seemed to hold its breath, almost as if it were waiting with you for Yunjin to say something. You were having one of those heart-to-hearts that you only have in the dead of night, admitting all kinds of secrets that you had to look deep inside to find. Still, upon hearing yours, she blinked a few times as if she was trying to process what she’d just heard.

“Wow,” she said softly, breaking the silence, “I mean, I already knew that! I just wasn’t expecting you to say it!”

You managed a weak smile in return, the corners of your lips shaking with nerves, “Yeah. Me neither.”

“Well? You haven’t said anything to him about it?”

“What? No! Oh god, no. That hurts my head just thinking about it, no. I can’t.”

“You can’t?” 

“I can’t.”

She didn’t understand you, but she understood the weight of your words and decided not to bother you about it anymore. Yunjin reached over and gently put her hand over yours, the warmth of her touch grounded you in that moment. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. You know I’m here if you need anything, right?”

The confession occupied the air between the two of you like a fragile secret. Now, the green face masks seemed oddly out of place. As if the intimate exchange had transcended the triviality of their original purpose. 

Yunjin’s initial shock gave way to a soft smile, her eyes holding a mixture of empathy and understanding. The kind of understanding that could only be offered by close friends – knowing they may not comprehend the depth of your emotions, they will be there for you nonetheless.

You sighed heavily and turned your gaze to the ceiling, letting all those emotions you shoved down take their place in your heart. “I don’t even know what I’m feeling half the time,” you admitted, voice carrying a mix of frustration and self deprecation.

Yunjin chuckled, her eyes crinkled in the corners and the dry mask of her face cracked in sync. “Babe, feelings are messy! I don’t think mine ever follow a logical path.”

“God, tell me about it. It’s just… Gyuvin, you know? We’re just too good as friends. What if I ruin it?”

Your hand received a reassuring squeeze from Yunjin before she withdrew her touch, a pensive expression on her face. She leaned back on her arms, considering your words carefully.

“I mean – I personally don’t get where you’re coming from,” she began, voice gentle, “But think about it this way Y/n: if your friendship is as good as you believe it is, then it’s strong enough to handle some turbulence. Emotions aren’t always predictable, and that’s okay! What if some weird unspoken tension affects your friendship more than your harboring some secret feelings?”

You sighed again, staring at the tiles at the ceiling as if they’d give you the answer after a while. “I know. You’re right. It’s just scary…I don’t even care if he feels the same way, what if things get weird between us?”

Yunjin leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands. “Babe, look, I can’t predict the future. I do know that honesty is the best policy, though. He deserves to know the truth, but you deserve to express your feelings even more! Whether he reciprocates or not, it’s not in your control. What you can control is how you handle this moving forward.”

“You’re right,” you admitted, letting your head down to face her. “I can’t even tell you how long I’ve been avoiding this for. It isn’t fair to either of us.”

Yunjin smiled widely at you, mask cracking more and more. “Exactly! And you know what they say about regrets, right?”

“What do they say?”

“Well.. I don’t really know. But they have to say something about it! Look, if he truly values your friendship then he’ll appreciate your honesty.”

You smiled back at Yunjin, your own mask cracking from the movement in your face. Yunjin stood up and held her hand out for you to grab.

You reached out and took her hand, letting her help you up from the ground. The air in the room felt a little lighter now, as if the weight of your confession had been shared and the burden lessened.

“Come on,” Yunjin said, “Let’s wash these off and then go to bed. We can talk about this in the morning or something. And if things don’t work, I will happily accept a confession from you on his behalf!”

Despite the impact that your much needed heart-to-heart with Yunjin had on you, you still found yourself unable to take any immediate action (or any action at all, for that matter.) In fact, it was more like the opposite. Your behavior took an unexpected turn – one that puzzled those around you. To you, though, it all made perfect sense. You had finally sat down and confronted those feelings that you had long harbored, and you need some time and space to really process it. Particularly, time and space away from Gyuvin. 

You shifted to practically being inseparable from one another to being distant and withdrawn. Those who’d grown accustomed to seeing you two together nearly every day were now met with your fleeting glances and casual avoidance. It was you who’d placed the invisible barrier between you and Gyuvin, leaving him equally confused by your sudden change in behavior.

Though, he didn’t know what exactly caused this sudden shift with you, he wasn’t blind to the cues you were throwing his way. He noticed immediately your short responses (if he had received one at all), and your excuses to avoid making any plans. He saw you take the long way from one place to another and he could only assume it was so you could avoid crossing paths with him. And while the biggest part of him wanted to know why, his brain told him to just let you deal with whatever it was you were dealing with. 

This went on for three weeks before someone decided to mention it. 

“What’s going on with Y/n?”

“What’s going on with Y/n?” Gyuvin scoffed at Matthew’s question and deadpanned, “If I knew that, she’d probably be here right now.”

Matthew raised an eyebrow, “Man, don’t get mad at me. I’m just so used to seeing you guys together all the time. It’s weird to everyone to see you guys apart like this.” Matthew leaned against the table at the campus café that they both sat.

Gyuvin let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair, “You’re telling me? I’ve tried talking to her but she’s just… distant? I dunno. I can’t put a finger on why.”

“Did you guys have a fight?”

He shook his head, face full of frustration. “Is it bad if I say I wish we did? At least then I’d know what I did. She’s just been acting different. We used to spend hours talking about the dumbest shit and now it’s like pulling teeth to even get a few words out of her.”

Matthew took a sip from his coffee, gaze fixed on Gyuvin, “Maybe she’s going through something! Sometimes people start acting like that when they’re going through something personally. It could be something heavy, and she’s just not ready to talk about it yet.”

Gyuvin frowned at that idea, his mind was racing considering Matthew’s words. What could be so bad that you wouldn’t tell him? “You think so?”

Matthew nodded. 

“I mean.. I don’t know, man. We’re always there for each other. If that’s the case then I wish she’d just let me in.”

Matthew gave a wide, reassuring smile before replying, “Maybe she will, eventually. Just give her some time. Try not to let her push you away completely, keep reaching out. Even if it’s just a, ‘Hey. How’s your day?’ text or something.”

Gyuvin nodded, trying his best not to acknowledge the little pit in his stomach that was gnawing at him, “I’ll do that. But I get to blame you if your advice sucks.”

With the days passing, Gyuvin took Matthew’s advice to heart. He started sending you the occasional message asking about your day or giving you an anecdote out of his. He wasn’t expecting lengthy responses, but he wanted you to know that he was still there regardless of whatever it was you were dealing with.

You, on the other hand, were dealing with all kinds of complex sentiments about your situation. To no one’s surprise, honesty was a much easier concept to speak about than it was in practice. That confession to Yunjin that night had opened a floodgate of uncertainty and fear for you. Part of you had expected your feelings to be reciprocated or to at least be brushed aside as a passing thought, but the reality was much more complicated. You’d unintentionally thrown a wrench in your friendship with Gyuvin, and it was past the point of you knowing how you could fix it. 

You spent a lot of time thinking about it, your situation. You stared at your messages with Gyuvin and wondered if they’d be any different if you were honest. When you’d see him on campus laughing with his friends, your heart would ring itself out. Your close friends could notice the toll that it was taking on you, especially Yunjin. She was the only one who knew anything about what you were feeling, so she was the only one who could try to help.

She noticed how your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes anymore, or the heavy sighs that seemed to escape you involuntarily, or the way that you’d space out and think to yourself more often. 

One night, you were both sprawled across her living room couch with a movie playing in the background. The atmosphere was interrupted by the loud chime of your phone. It sat on the coffee table in the center and the screen was lit up with a text.

“Who’s that?”

You both knew who it was. “Oh, probably my mom or something. I’ll just reply later.” You could lie all you wanted, but you couldn’t pretend that your situation wasn’t getting to you. The message was short and sweet, but it made your stomach erupt with butterflies while simultaneously giving you the urge to throw up. Hi, I’m thinking of you. Just wanted to check in and ask you about your day.

“Y/n.” Yunjin spoke softly, but she sounded stern. She wanted you to take her seriously and to let your walls down again.

“Yunjin.” You responded, putting your phone back down and looking her in the eye.

“I can see how much this is bothering you. It’s eating you up inside, isn’t it?” She sat up and grabbed the remote from the coffee table, pausing the movie before facing you again. Neither of you need to clarify what “this,” was because the heavy toll it had taken on your heart was evident to anyone who knew about your feelings.

You couldn’t stop the tears before they began to fall. You could only nod in response, unable to put your feelings into words. 

“Babe, I think it’s time to face this head-on,” Yunjin suggested, maintaining a firm but gentle tone. “You can’t avoid him forever. It’s hurting the both of you.”

“But what if it makes things worse?” You whispered, voice trembling.

“I really, really, really don’t think you’d do that,” Yunjin sighed and faced you directly. “He asked me about you the other day.”

That only made you cry harder, feeling like your heart would just explode in your chest. “What’d he say?” You managed to ask through sobs.

“You know, he just wanted to see how you were. If everything was okay with you.”

“And what’d you tell him?”

“I told him that I couldn’t really say. That you’ll make the time soon to go talk to him.”

“Yunjin…” you trailed off and broke your eye contact with her, feeling embarrassed. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy,” she began, “But, this distance? This awkwardness? It’s not doing you any favors. At least if you talk to him you’ll know where you stand.”

All you could do was nod before Yunjin brought you into a deep embrace, comforting you while you cried on her shoulder.

Over the next few days, you continued to wrestle with the decision of finally facing Gyuvin. The inner turmoil was beginning to reach its peak, you knew that you couldn’t keep pretending like he didn’t exist. Yunjin’s words echoed in your mind as a constant reminder to confront your feelings and put an end to the growing distance between you and Gyuvin. 

One evening, as the sun began to set and cast a variety of golden hues over the city, you found yourself standing in front of Gyuvin’s favorite coffee shop. It was also your favorite, but you’d been avoiding it on the off chance that you’d see him there. Your heart raced as you took a deep breath, trying to summon the courage to go inside. The bell above the door tinkled as you entered, scanning the cozy interior until your gaze met Gyuvin.

He was sitting by the window, engrossed in whatever assignment he was working on, his brows furrowed in concentration. The sight of him sent a rush of emotions through you – familiarity, comfort, and a twinge of nervousness. You scolded yourself internally for being scared to talk to your best friend.

You approached his table, cringing at how loud your footsteps seemed to sound in the otherwise quiet café. He looked up, surprise registering on his face before morphing into a warm smile.

“Hi,” he greeted, closing the books that littered the table and setting them aside, “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“Hi,” you echoed, your voice a little shaky, “Is it okay if I sit with you?”

Gyuvin’s expression to a more confused one, but his smile never faltered. “Of course you can sit with me,” he gestured to the empty seat across from him, “I would actually really like it if you did.”

You settled into the seat, avoiding eye contact with him. The silence between the two of you hung for a moment before Gyuvin decided to speak up, “Is everything okay with you? I feel like I never hear from you lately.”

You took a deep breath, your heart still racing. “That’s actually why I came here. I was hoping you’d be here so that we could talk.”

His brows furrowed slightly and his expression dropped, concern evident in his eyes, “You can tell me anything. Please, talk to me.”

“I really love you Gyuvin.”

Gyuvin smiled earnestly at you, “I love you too. You know that you can tell me anything, right?”

You sighed and looked him in the eye before repeating yourself, “No, I mean, I love you.”

Gyuvin's eyes widened, and he seemed momentarily taken aback by your confession. He opened his mouth to say something but hesitated, as if choosing his words carefully. 

You cut him off before he could speak, “I just – I sort of realized it one night and I couldn’t figure out how to face you? I didn’t know how, so I just didn’t. And I know it was wrong and I know I should’ve just been honest with you and I just….” you trailed off and looked for some sign of understanding in his eyes.

There was a passing moment of silence where your eye contact was never broken, but you could feel your heart drumming against your chest while the lights in the café began turning on to account for the lack of the sun.

“I love you too.”

Your eyes widened and you waited to respond out of fear that the butterflies in your stomach would fly out if you opened your mouth. “You love me?”

“I really love you,” he mimicked your earlier statement.

You laughed a bit and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, reaching a hand out to intertwine with Gyuvin’s. “I was so scared. That by telling you I’d ruin our friendship. That scared me more than anything.”

"Y/n, you have to understand that our friendship is incredibly precious to me, like a guiding light in my life. But you… you're more than that. And now, it's as if our bond is being woven even tighter, stronger, because we're entrusting each other with the most vulnerable parts of ourselves." Gyuvin's voice softened, his eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. "It's a kind of feeling that I never want to lose."

You felt a sense of relief wash over you at his words, tears welling up in your eyes and rolling down your cheeks, “I should’ve talked to you sooner. I’m sorry, I really am.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said softly, wiping the tears from your cheeks with his free hand. “You’re here now. We’re here now and that’s what matters.”

You chuckled through your tears, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. “Yunjin was right, you know. She told me I needed to face this head-on.”

“I never thought I’d say this about her, but you have a pretty smart friend,” Gyuvin teased, his smile widening.

You both laughed, the tension in the air dissipating. It felt like a heavy fog had been lifted for the both of you, leaving a clarity that neither of you had seen before. The café seemed to fade into the background as you focused on each other.

“So…” you began, “What do we do now?”

Gyuvin leaned in a little closer, his eyes locked onto yours. “I think you owe me, at the very least, a date for what I had to put up with this past month.”

You nodded, stifling your giggles from him before responding, “I think I can make that happen.”

#zerobaseone x reader #zb1 x reader #zb1 imagines #zerobaseone #zerobaseone headcanons #zerobaseone scenarios #zerobaseone oneshot #zerobaseone angst #zb1 angst #zb1 fics #zerobaseone fics #kim gyuvin #gyuvin x reader #zb1 gyuvin #gyuvin imagines

[merakiui]

Y-yandere tsum tsums..? /j

I am so relieved to know someone else is on the same brain cell as me because this was my first thought when I saw the tsums with the characters LOL;;;;;; just the idea that the tsums have more rizz than the students because they're cute and can get away with anything because they're just having harmless fun. Floyd's tsum could shove itself into your chest or crotch and, though it's very embarrassing, you'll laugh it off because the tsum is just being silly and exploring, albeit exploring in very awkward places. Floyd is going to tear his tsum apart for being so bold and skipping bases he hasn't even arrived at yet.

Or Riddle's tsum making itself oh-so-comfortable in your laundry, specifically amidst your undergarments. Riddle is beyond infuriated and flustered when he learns of what his tsum has done. He apologizes so stiffly to you, all while strictly admonishing his tsum in the same breath. Of course this indecent behavior will not be tolerated and must be swiftly reprimanded! But it would be nice if his tsum happened to snatch a pair of your underwear for reasons that will remain undisclosed.

Or Leona's tsum watching you bathe, sitting so comfortably on the edge of the bath, admiring your figure. You let it do this because it's just so cute and there's no way such a cute thing would have any ulterior motives. Leona's tsum is bold, so Leona can't exactly fault it because he'd do the same thing if he was in the tsum's place. Or the tsum sleeping alongside you, curling up on your pillow or in your arms and resting so soundly. It glares so viciously when Ruggie tries to collect it the next morning on account of Leona's orders to retrieve it. To think it would gravitate to someone besides Leona...

Or perhaps Jack's tsum actually plays the role of a helpful wingman and tries to set you and Jack up together. Maybe it knows Jack likes you so much, so it attempts to get closer to you to prompt Jack to muster the courage to tell you of his feelings. Of course when the tsum goes about it in very roundabout ways (i.e. following you everywhere to the point where it's invasive and embarrassing), Jack's going to mistake its intentions... ^^;;

Or Cater's tsum getting you to pose in very,,,, compromising ways so it can take good pictures. You might think it's weird, but the tsum is bouncing up and down and it appears so happy. Naturally, you just want to ensure it remains pleased so it isn't compelled to misbehave. Cater never thought he could be jealous of a plushie, yet here he is, gripping his phone in an iron-tight fist and smiling so forcibly while his tsum is so obviously flirting with you.

Or Epel's tsum essentially making Epel become immensely clumsy for the day. He's always chasing after his tsum, only to run into you every time and end up in very awkward positions. His tsum trips him and he falls right into you, or the tsum trips you and you fall on top of him. The tsum probably knocks into Epel's head so the two of you kiss by complete accident. It's a very troublesome tsum, but Epel isn't going to complain. As annoying as it is chasing the tsum around campus, it's allowed him to fall into your chest, to kiss you, to feel you up under the guise of making sure you're okay... :)

Or Sebek's tsum taking the opportunity to be held by you. It looks so happy in your arms. Sebek is distraught. How dare his tsum act so unbecoming and bothersome towards someone he admires! More importantly, how come he isn't the one being held? :( Sebek's tsum loves to follow you around just as much as it enjoys trailing after Malleus. The tsum will even want to follow you all the way to your bedroom, at which Sebek sharply draws the line. If he can't reach that place with you yet, then his tsum certainly won't! >:(

All of the tsums definitely get lots of kisses from you because they're too adorable. You'll fawn over them. Meanwhile, the students are suffering because they want to be kissed and hugged, too. T_T

#twisted chit chat #the image of a tsum holding you captive is so silly to imagine #omg imagine floyd's tsum sitting there and watching while jade rails the life out of you...... 😵‍💫 #it's like when you are doing anything private and you want to turn the plushies away so they won't see #you try to turn tsum floyd and he just turns right back around to watch LOL #he definitely tries to report it to floyd so he'll know his brother is laying more pipe than him orz #jade's in for a very painful kick in his dick #how dare he sleep with you while floyd's busy babysitting his pesky tsum!!! >:( not fair at all

[thegreatestsandwich]

Aiming for Cupid (Dream of Endless x Cupid!Reader)

Pairing: Morpheus x Cupid!Reader

Word count: 12.8k

Summary: There are a few things you and Morpheus have in common, you both get obssessed with love, you are to fowards with love and you have your heart broken in the name of love. Maybe it would be a good idea if you ended up together? Maybe? No?

Warning: Obssessive love, reader does not shut up, cuestionably outfits, Dream being a stubburn man who falls in love quite easily, awkwarness everywhere, bad greek mythology knowledge 

A/N: I had this idea stuck on my head since sunday and this was suppose to be a small little cute thing around 500 words :’) 

Coments, Reblogs and Asks are happily received!

Masterlist

Part 2

“ My life before you was a mess

Couldn't win one round of this chess”

- TOMORROW X TOGETHER

There is a saying that goes “Valentine’s Day wouldn’t be complete without Cupid.” You hated that saying because it was false, no life would be complete without you, as you took pride in your work to speak for itself. Being the definition of love, the Goddess of Love (in this century, you tend to change each 100 years to keep it exciting) has its perks. You know love at the very deepest core, you treasure it, you would kill and die for love. That’s how you are. You just love love.

But today, you wanted to kill in the name of love. Archie Bodycomb was getting on your nerves. He was a sweet kid, you really love him and you even went beyond yourself to try and help his confidence with love. You managed to ‘accidentally’ introduce him to the love of his life Rachel Cobbledick. Both were awkward on their own ways and on their first date, they just sat there, one in front of the other watching intently at the forks on the table. Yes, you really wanted them to be together, perhaps they were just perfect for each other, but in reality, you loved their last names and decided to play a little with their love life.

They managed to flourish in a beautiful friendship that later transformed in love. It wasn’t easy as everybody was against them to be together, specially his mother, but the more negative responses they got, more obsessed you became to get them together.

And when Cupid gets something on her head, there is no way in heaven or hell, there is no God, who could stop her.

That’s how many relationships last a long time. But the ones that die along the way were because there was no spark that interested her to keep them together. A good example is all the marriages the Gods had along history. Yeah, you were really bored on that period of time.

You began following Archie since he woke up, you watched him get dressed and do really awkward poses in front of his mirror, of course you were cheering him, even though he couldn’t see you, you were helping him get the confidence.

That’s why you were currently behind a bush, a pair of bright pastel pink binoculars glued to your eyes, a bag of candies on your right and a big notebook displayed perfectly to the curious eyes, it had the whole plan of Archie written there, with corrections by your hand so this moment would be perfect and you would made sure of it.

“Come on, come on, come on.” You held tightly the binoculars against your eyes. “Just like we practice Archie, one knee on the ground, yes, yes, perfect.” You gasped horrified. “No! that’s the wrong knee!”

“Having fun today?”

You turned your head to the side, binoculars still pressed against your eyes. “Hey Death!” You loopily smiled.

“Hey Cupid, is there a reason why are you behind a bush?” She kneeled at your side, her fingers tapped the binoculars. “Nice glasses.”

“Oh! I’m on the job, you know, Cupid’s never rest and all…Thank you very much by the way, got them at a sale somewhere in the world. Love your outfit, it’s really gothic!” You turned your attention back to the couple, apparently Archie wasn’t doing so good, he managed to lose the ring. “Damn it Archie.”

“Friends of yours?” Death asked you, now completely absorbed at the couple as well.

“Friends? No, no, but Archie over there was planning his proposal for the last 7 years and today was the lucky day, not for him, he completely sucks at preparing things but that’s why I am here, to watch and to laugh.”

“Ah.” Death nodded understanding, “So this is the reason you are behind a bush?”

“Well, of course! Thank you for asking, by the way, she’s going to say yes anyway, she loves him to much, even though they both are a disaster on these things.” You sighed tiredly. “One would think that my presence would help but sadly that’s not true, I mean, yeah, it’s running smoothly but not perfect, I blame his mother, she wanted to come. Crazy lady.”

You both sat comfortably on the grass, the bush still hiding you from the sight of the others, not really helping as you were invisible to the eyes of the humans, but you love the theatrics of these situations.

“Come on Archie, you got this man, you already had years of practice.” You silently encourage. Your hand grabbed a bag from your right, you gave it to Death. “Here! I got these, they were on sale, they’re lemon, really good.”

“Thank you! What are they?”

You hummed. “Don’t know, the nice old man just wanted them gone, probably they are expired but still good.”

Death watched the bag, slowly putting it on the floor. “I’ll have some…later.”

“Suit yourself.” You grabbed a few and popped it on your mouth. “So! Is there a reason you are here? Are you here for Archie and Rachel? Please don’t. They took me too much time to get them to tie the knot.”

Death laughed softly at your devastating face, her eyes glancing at the couple, they were now on the ground, both looking for the ring. Thankfully it wasn’t raining. “Don’t worry, not here for them…Actually I wanted to come see you, you know I miss you, you need to visit more often.”

“How sweet! I miss you too always, and I love talking with you, but you are here for something specifically, sooo…come tell Cupid how can I help you, is it love? Do you need a spark? I can do that easily, but shh, shh, shh, Archie finally found the ring!” Your smiled widened, “Come on man! Just say the phrase!���

“It’s about my brother.” Death said, ignoring your grunting, clearly you weren’t paying attention to her.

“Maybe he just needs me there, would it be so bad if I go there and asked her to marry him? I mean, what’s more romantic than having Cupid asking your hand in matrimony?”

Death turned her head to the now disastrous situation. Apparently Archie hit their foreheads hard enough to knock them back to the ground, you began standing up, ready to intervene but she stopped you. You turned at her confused.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to intervene in this situations Cupid.”

“Yeah, yeah, semantics. But, if we are speaking in terms of rules…I am not breaking anything, besides, those are my rules, I ruled them so hard, and he needs help! That pains me so much Death!.” You pouted at her.

“Maybe you just need to take a deep breath and wait…look.” You turned towards the couple.

In your crisis, Archie managed to propose successfully to Rachel and now they were kissing on the grass.

“Gross.” You gagged in disgust. “Even for Cupid, there is too much tongue. You were saying?”

Death sighed, she knew how distracted you could get with love and she was trying to find a soft way to ask for your help and not get offended.

“I wanted to talk about my brother.”

“Huh, you do have a lot of brothers Death, and sisters, you have a lot of those two.” You begin counting her siblings on your hand. “There’s you and Desire and the other one, the one with the thing that does stuff, the one with a book, also that other one and the other other one.”

“You don’t remember our names, do you?”

You bit your lip smiling, shrugging. “Well, I have to remember millions of names my sweet, sweet Death, of course I tend to forget things, it would be kind of you if you tell me what brother are you talking about.”

Death stood up, offering a hand at you, you gladly took it. “It’s about Dream.”

You interlaced your fingers together and making your hands swing back and forth, you began humming, your mind trying to remember who this Dream guy was, to be honest, probably he wasn’t interesting as his face wasn’t in your memory. “Dream…Dream…Dreeeaaam…I do know Desire, we went for tea last week, so that sibling is out of the question, Dream…okey I don’t know who is he.”

Death laughed at your words, you amused her. “You know Dream, he’s tall, always serious, his face is always pouting in pain, you could even say he is the definition of moodiness”

“Mmmh,” You hummed, still lost in thought. “Not ringing a bell, sorry friend.”

“He has more heartbreaks than love stories.”

“Oh! Yeah! Of course I know Dream! Aww, I love him to pieces, always have a blast when he’s in love.” You turned to her excited, grabbing her other hand and beginning to jump happily. “He’s such a cutie pie when he is in love.”

“Yeah,” Death said uncertainly, “About that…”

Your head tilted to the side, “Mmh? Does he need my help again? He could just ask, I’m always opened to help him find love, you should tell him to ask me for some advice, he sucks at love and that’s coming from me.”

“Cupid,” Death sighed tiredly, forcing a smile. “How about we go for something to eat? My treat.”

Your eyes opened wide, a big smile breaking in your face. “Oh! Yes! I was craving cake! Come on, I know a place, there’s this girl I helped find love, you will love the story, it began with a cucumber, a sex shop and crickets…”

You dragged Death across town, talking about everything and nothing, the way was fun at your side, you always have a story to tell, on your way to this particular bakery that you described as ‘the perfect place you would stuff your face and not be upset later’ was full of chatting, mostly on your side, Death tended to simply nod here and there, offer a few comments. You handed her your notebook and the bag of candy you were eating earlier. Claiming that you now were on a break and that notebook was work.  

The bakery was cute, it was a single floor place with pastel colors surrounding you, the smell of fresh lemon cookies flooded the air, making you salivate, you entered the store still dragging your friend and sat her on the booth that always were reserved to you.

“I’m going to order, want something in particular? Forget it, I know what you would like, I know you say that it was your treat but now it’s my treat because I haven’t seen you in forever and I won’t accept a no for an answer.” You walked away ignoring the protests of your friend.

Death sighed, her hands rubbing her eyes tiredly, she knew your mood was about to change from happiness to hateful and resentful, that’s how you were and that’s how history never portrayed you, they always thought you were the most charismatic and happiest chubby child with wings, but in reality, you were far off that description.

She shrugged, any wrong words and she would face your wrath, Death thought of Psyche and now she was afraid, she knew your marriage with the Goddess of the Soul, she remembered how disastrous your divorce was and all because of a single petty fight of the two of you. Those were really dark times for love.

You returned happily, little hops accompanied your steps, your pink and yellow dress moving in a poetic way, you really captivated the eyes of everybody there, even Death was captivated by your presence. You sat in front of here and continued your story of how crazy yesterday’s couple were.

“I’m telling you Death, those were the craziest ones, they got married on a field of corn and then begun to make out with the corn.”

“Cupid…” Death tried to interrupt you.

“Okey, yes, it was my fault, they met on ‘the corniest love festival’ from Iowa, but you would think they had another interest besides corn! But no! I think they plan to name their kids Corneshia and Corny, we should totally be there when the kids are born.”

“Cupid.” She tried again with a bit more force. You shut up quickly, your cheeks puffing in embarrassment. “So…What I was saying, Dream.”

“Yes, your moody brother who doesn’t understand relationships, how can I help him, my arrows doesn’t work with you Endless perfections.” You winked at her.

“I need you to stop, Cupid.” Death decided to just be direct and began praying to not offend you.

You blinked confused at her. “St..op?”

Death sighed again, you were really a child. “Yes…Look, I know you love love and you love helping at whatever cost when it comes to finding love.”

You nodded proudly, “Well, yeah. That’s my job.”

Death hands rested on the table, her fingers intertwining tightly, your eyes went to them in an instant. “Well, Dream is known for not having durable relationships, as you probably already know.”

“I know,” You sighed, your hands covered your face in a dramatic way. “It breaks my heart whenever his relationships ends!”

“I know, honey, I do know, but…You need to stop, Cupid, please stop.”

“I don’t understand.” You muttered against your hands. “You don’t want him to find love? Does he don’t want to find love?”

Death took your hands away from your face and hold them softly. “Dream doesn’t understand romance like you do honey, he goes all in, in an obsessive way and then he has his heart broken because he just exposed it.”

“I don’t see the problem.” Your took your hands away from hers, “Love is obsessive, and he going all in it’s romantic. I don’t understand what you want me to do.”

“I want you to stop trying to make Dream fall in love…” Death finally said, it was so quiet you almost missed it.

The room got quiet, Death noticed. She saw your eyes darkened quickly, one of your brows twitching in annoyance, she could tell she fucked up really bad.

“Are you questioning my methods, Death?” You stood up, your presence towered her and for the first time in existence, Death felt tiny in comparison to you. “Are you questioning my work?”

“What?” Death whispered fearfully. “No, no. Of course not! I know how perfect your methods are.” You watched her intently, from the corner of her eye, she could see the other humans lowered their heads in submission. “I’m just hoping you would take a break from helping my brother.”

Your lip twitched angrily. “A…break?” Your voice was serious and demanded submission at your persona, Death quickly averted her eyes, trying to placate your anger in anyway. You were now a very pissed and angry God.

She cleared her throat. “Yes…a break.” Death paused for a second, the room was now silent, even the outside was silent and the eyes of everyone were on both of you, specifically on her, trying to see the mistake she would soon regret. “Look, when Dream falls in love and has his heart broken, it pains me so much because I don’t know what to do.”

“You are saying that I do not do a good job.” You spatted your words with venom. Death nervously swallow.

“You always do a perfect job, Cupid.”

“Eros.” You forced the name out. “One who criticizes my job does not deserve to call me by that name, and that goes for you, Death of Endless, and I suggest you think carefully of your next words before you speak them to me.”

Death got quiet the moment she saw your arch materialized on your hand, a dark arrow ready to be fired. A tremble ran through her back before finally meeting your dangerous glare. Deciding it might be reasonable to let you know about Dream’s imprisonment. “The past one hundred years my little brother Dream disappeared, he tried to catch a rogue nightmare but in the end, he was caught by an evil man.”

You slowly sat down, your full attention on her persona, you put your arch on the table, the arrow still pointing at the Endless.

“He spend one hundred years trapped by this man, he demanded things Dream could not give, so he just trapped him on a glass sphere, alone and believe me that I am not questioning your job, I would never do that, I just need you to understand that what Dream really needs is a break from love so he can heal, he really needs to heal, Eros. Please, as a friend, take a break from him.”

You watched her carefully, your eyes moving across her face, trying to look for the lie, but you only found a tired being, a sister who was looking for her brother. You nodded tightly.

“You want me to take a break…alright.” You muttered, your voice completely different from the moment you entered the store, it was unnatural and weird on your persona.

“I hope it not too much to ask.” Death said, her tone trying to soothe your anger.

“It is not too much to ask.” You responded, still tightly. Your face moved to the left as a waitress slowly made your way to your table, her eyes were glued to the tray she was carrying, not meeting any of your eyes.

“Umm.” She nervously began. “Would…would you like…a few…more minutes?”

“Put the plates on the table and leave.” You answered with no emotion, your eyes returned to Death, who was trying to placate her heart at the feeling of your stare.

The waitress quickly set the plates, this amount of food was way too much for both of you, but she didn’t said anything, she finished fast and leave without turning, her eyes on the ground. A sing of submission.

Your hand grabbed a fork and stabbed it on one of the cakes, the first bite of the sweetness placate some of your anger, the soft satisfied hum you let out was a sign of your mood finally going to a happy one. Death almost got up and kissed the waitress in gratefulness.

“Is it good?” She tried asking. Your eyes opened quickly and a huge smile broke on your face.

“Good? Are you joking?! This is the best cake ever!” You happily exclaimed. The room (and Death) almost sighed in relief at your smile.

Death smiled, grabbing a fork as well. “Can I…?” She motioned at the cake you were happily eating.

You laughed, your cheeks full of dessert. You pushed the plate to her side and she ate a bit, let’s just say her reaction was almost the same as yours.

“So, would it be alright?” Death asked you, trying to reference the topic without setting off your mood again.

“Yeah, sure I’ll take a break.” You shrugged, “Sounds fun.”

Death watched you curiously, she felt your words meant something different but she wasn’t quite sure what they could mean. “Thank you so much Cupid,” She grabbed your hand, you squeezed in response. “This will help Dream so much.”

“No,” You smile widened. “Thank you for this.”

 ‘THE DIVORCE RATE HAS GROWN BY AN ALARMING 47% EXPERTS SAY THE GOVERNMENT IT AT FAULT’

‘EXPERTS SAY LOVE IS FALSE, CHECK THE INFORMATION BELOW.’

‘DO YOU WISH TO BE MARRIED? COME TO MADAM LOVE, SHE WILL HELP YOU MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE’

‘BRIDE KILLS GROOM BECAUSE HE CANCELS WEDDING’

‘ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO SEE IF YOU’LL BE THE LUCKY ONE TO TIE THE KNOT!’

 The first few days of your vacation were hard, you didn’t know what to do as the only thing you were good at was your job. So you spend a few days just sitting on a bench at a park with a bag of tiny donuts and began feeding the pigeons. One donut for them, one for you. Equity.

One afternoon a lady sat by your side, you were currently throwing pieces of brownies to the pigeons, a pile of crumbs were on your lap, but your concentration was full on the birds.

“You shouldn’t feed chocolate to the birds, my dear, that caused them to have heartburn.” She smiled at your dedication, quietly absorbing the outrageous outfit you had on. Orange sundress, purple tights, cowboy boots and two huge bows at each side of your space buns.

“Really? I thought they liked them.” You sadly responded, the five remining ones you decided to shove them on your mouth, you turned to the old lady, your cheeks puffed. You looked like a squirrel.

“Try a baguette next time, a guy usually loves feeding them with that and they seem to love it.” She smiled at your puffy cheeks, she handed you a tissue. “You have a few crumbs on your face, honey.”

You swallowed the brownies, almost choking in the process. “Thank you miss.” You sighed.

“Something wrong, sweetheart?”

You turned to the lady, your legs quickly thrown at her lap, your head on her shoulder, and your arms hugging tightly at one of hers. “I just…I don’t know what to do, this is the first time I’m taking a vacation and I don’t know what to do.” You sobbed. “My life is my work, what am I without it?”

The lady was shook at your forwardness but patted your head softly. “Oh, sweetheart, maybe you just need to go out there, perhaps if you see the world, you might have what you are looking for.”

“You really believe so?” Your teary eyes met hers, and the lady softened at your sad face. She nodded. “But where should I go? Should I really go alone? That sounds sad.”

“Well, my niece really love this place, it’s a huge park and there is this mouse that it’s the mascot of that place…she always comes back happy when she goes there.”

“Park? Mouse?” You scooted closer to her. “Can I go there?”

The lady nodded, “Of course you can honey, perhaps you need that kind of distraction.”

You nodded along her words, your arms hugged her neck and squeeze it. You got off of her and began jumping in delight. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You and your niece now have my blessing, love will always be on your family till the day I die!” You turned away and began running, now with a plan to enjoy your vacation.

You ended up buying a camera, it was so ugly you fell in love with it. The park was better than how the lady described it, it had a huge castle and lots of princesses, but your mission was finding the mouse, you wanted a picture with it, as the lady describe him as her niece’s favorite.

The mouse was better than you expected, his little red pants was something appealing and he even compliment your mismatched outfit.

“Wow! That’s a cool outfit! Minnie! Minnie! Come look at her outfit!” The Mouse quickly called his friend over. You were overjoyed, happily showing off your aqua leggings, cowboy boots and yellow dress, your hair was cascading on your back, and the big mouse diadem was bigger than your head.

“Oh! How beautiful she looks Mickey! She even has our ears, maybe she’s our family?” Minnie turned to Mickey, you were a few seconds of dying with happiness.

You thanked Death with all your heart for this vacation.

 “Mister Waiter!” You called loudly, the bar was busy, a few people were pushing around, one even touched you and your hard stare was enough for him to piss his pants. The waiter came to your side, his face was tired, you knew why, his wife left him for his best friend. “I would like another one of this purpulish drinks!” You softly shake the glass on the air. “Could you add an umbrella to it? And…And…And glitter! Thank you.”

You began eating the peanuts they gave you hours ago, a part of you were actually surprise the park had a bar, but it made sense, the parents of the chaotic children needed to vent their frustrations with drinks, you couldn’t complain as they serve glittery drinks.

The waiter came back with your drink and left without a word, you shrugged and went back to your boot, you were playing with one of the bracelets one of the princesses gave you, it was yellow, perfectly in combination with your purple dress and green tights, you loved it.

You kept drinking even when a shadow towered you. Your eyes moved upwards and saw a guy, he was quite an interesting character, black pants, black sweater, black coat, black unruly hair. His face was seriously looking at you. You swore you saw him from somewhere but you weren’t quite sure from where.

“Eros.” He sat down in front of you, his movements where quiet and you wonder if he was part of a show or something.

You loudly swallow from the straw, “Mystery Guy.” You tried greeting him with the same tone, but you ended up laughing at how ridiculous you sounded.

He looked at you waiting for an answer to whatever question he tried to ask without words.

“Mhm? Have we met before? I think I have seen you from somewhere…Oh! Are you the guy that Elvis tried to officiate the wedding on Vegas? It was so amazing how you ran off with him instead of the girl. Love it.”

The guy closed his eyes for a second, trying his hardest to not say something harsh. “My sister has spoken to you.”

Your head tilted to a side in confusion, the straw still hanging you’re your mouth. “Sister...sister…sister…mmmh…I know a lot of sisters, there are these triplets that wanted to be married with one single guy! Imagine his surprise when they began fighting on their wedding night to be the first to be fuc…”

“My sister, Death has spoken to you.” He interrupted you quickly, not wanting to hear the rest of the story.

Your straw fell, your smile widened. “Oh! Death, I love her so much, such a cutie pie, great taste on shoes…wait a second…you are her brother!” You happily exclaimed. “You are not Desire, obviously, we went shopping last month so you are not them…and that’s it, I don’t really remember the others.”

He said nothing, watching you carefully, his eyes stopping at the mouse ears from the top of your head. You smiled at that and shake your head softly so you could show off your new favorite accessory.

“You should probably say your name,” Your head rested on your hand, hair cascading on your side, the other hand began tapping at the sound of whatever was playing from the speakers. “It is courtesy to introduce yourself before sitting at someone’s table and you know my name so…”

“I have many names.” He said instead, you groaned.

“So do I, believe me, people tend to call me whatever, you want to know the worst one?” You began climbing across the table, your face inches from his, your nose touching his. “Dolphin rider, I don’t even like dolphins!” You sat on top of the table facing him. “Now your turn stranger.”

“Morpheus.” His eyes never leaving yours.

“Mmmmh,” You tapped your mouth thinking. “Doesn’t ring a bell, sorry.”

Morpheus sighed, he knew of your antics, all of the Gods knew of them, that’s why the just let you do whatever you wanted, you mostly tired them with your energy.

“Dream of Endless.” He corrected, trying his hardest to stop your hands from placing your diadem on his head. He knew better than stopping you, so he let you just go for it.

“Dream…Dream…Dream…oh! Dream! How lovely to see you, have you done something to your hair? Looking quite delicious…Wait, you need a drink, hold that pretty thought.” You threw your legs at the side of the table, quickly going off. “Mister waiter! Please another one of this purpulish drinks for my friend! Add a little umbrella please, he looks depressed!” You turned towards him, pointing at your diadem. “You take care of that, I will murder you in cold blood if you loose that!”

Morpheus saw you ran off to the bar, you were bouncing excitingly at each step, clearly overjoyed he join you on your drinking time. He never got the chance to properly meet you, only knew of your existence from your attempts on his love life and the words from his siblings, Death and Desire. You were quite energetic, it was proven on how talked and how you moved, you moved like poetry. Like a poet best verse, you were graceful on how you walked, your arms and hips controlled within the rhythm of your feet.

He understood why you were the Goddess of Love, you demanded attention, your whole presence was a delight to the eyes, the way you moved, the way you speak, the way you dressed, you acted purely by love and in the name of love. He was captivated by your whole presence, he wanted you to touch him, he wanted to kneeled for you, to act at your words, he needed that.

Morpheus shook his head, trying to remembered why he was here, he knew that spending to much time at your side was an indicator on why he wanted those forbidden things. He remembered your story, he remembered what would happened if he messed up. Your story with Psyche was wildly unknown to the others, but to the Endless, to the Gods and Goddesses, your story was a warning on what would happened if they offended you.

His blue eyes watched you try to carry a full tray of food, his drink securely on your hand, you slowly put the tray on the table, quickly placing all the plates around him. “Thought you might be hungry.” You smiled at him, he almost returned.

“Eros.” He began, his eyes moving alongside your movements, you sat down in front of him, your hands quickly grabbing one fry and throwing it at your mouth.

“Oh please, you can call me Cupid,” Your head moving happily at the flavor of the food. “We are not there for you to call me love.” You winked.

“Why have you stop doing your duties?” Morpheus ignored your intent of seduction, his voice turning this conversation in a serious tone. You frown at the tone.

“Stop? I haven’t stop silly.” Your arm traveled across the table, one finger booping his nose. He frown. “I’m taking a break, a lovely recommendation from your dearest sister, have I told you how much I adore her? That cutie pie came to me really worried for my well being that demanded me to take a break, love her to bits, you should eat by the way, too skinny.” You pushed a plate of wings to him.

“You must return, the world is in complete chaos because of your absence.” He pushed away the plate of food, he watched how your mouth twitched angrily.

“I. Said. Eat.” You pushed the plate again towards him, your eyes darkening. Morpheus sighed and grabbed a wing, frowning at the sticky feeling on his fingers. You smiled in victory. “But yeaahh, no can do sexy, I am quite enjoying my free time, did you know that you can take cute photos with that happy mouse and his wife?! He even owns this park! We should totally go take a picture with him, you would love him.”

Morpheus took one tiny bite before putting the wing back to the plate, he hated it. “I believe you have no realice the severity of your absence Eros.” -It’s Cupid- “Cupid, the world is…”

“Completely boring I know, but your sister did make a great point Dream.” You sighed, grabbing the wing he didn’t eat.

“Which is?” He asked curiously.

“I’m not good at my job.” Your voice cracked, Morpheus eyes widened, he clearly didn’t know how to treat you, now imagine his stress when he saw tears forming on your face. He was screwed. He should have brought Matthew for help. “I have failed you Dream of Endless” You grabbed his hand, tugging him to your form. “I have not found love for you and you are depressed because of my failure.”

“What?” He let himself be tugged, his body moved across the booth, now sitting at your side. You throw your legs at his lap and hide your face at his neck. He could feel your breathing.

“I know! I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I’m such a disgrace to the name of love and I don’t know how to fix it, how to fix your love life!” You sobbed on his neck. His hands were harshly pressed on the table, his fingers twitching to touch you.

“Cupid, we do not have time for…”

Your face left his neck, your hands squishing both sides of his face, forcing him to look at your teary face, your eyes were bloodshot and your nose was red, but he found you endearing.

“I promise you, Morpheus.” His body shivered at the sound of your voice pronouncing his name. “I will find the way for you to fall in love and not be heart broken.” You place your forehead on his lips. You really love touching. “I Cupid, swear on my name that I will find the perfect love for you…after my vacation. There still a few places I want to see before returning to the job…You should come with me, you could use a vacation, I’m not accepting a no for an answer.”

“I have no time for…”

You hugged him, “Fine, but you should still have your drink, it’s fruty and has lemon on it.”

“Cupid…”

“I said that you are drinking Dream of Endless or I swear to my name I will haunt your love life and trust me, I can be annoying if I want.”

Morpheus sighed and grabbed the drink, he swallow it on one go. “So good! Right?” His hand softly cradle one side of your face, carefully turning it to his face. “Please, you must retorn to your duties Eros. The world is in complete chaos, the world needs love back.”

You bit your lip, your nose nuzzling his, his eyes closed in content. “It’s Cupid and I know, I know, I would totally love to return, really do, I love the job, I love the people and everything.” You sighed, separating yourself from his grasp. “I am tired Morpheus, when your sister came to me, offended my job and my performance, then tried to sweet talk to me again, I knew I was working way too hard and forcing love when it wasn’t needed to be force. I’m one of the few Goddesses to still working hard enough to make the human lives happy. You know what Zeus is doing right know?” He shook his head. “He’s running a strip club on Canada. And me? I’m working my ass off to make people fall in love. But not for me…”

“I do not…”

“I have failed myself Morpheus, I have failed us.” You grabbed another fry and began playing with it. “We are painfully single, do you have any idea what the humans imagine us to be? To them, I am an obese mythical child with wings and a diaper. You are no different, they even put you on a child’s film, you are yellow and look like the personification of the sun, your sand even looks like cookie dust.” You threw the fry away and looked at him. “We are supposed to be hot Morpheus.”

“You are rambling, Cupid.”

“Do you find me attractive?” You asked him suddenly. Your attention full on his person.

Morpheus didn’t know how to answer that, whatever his answer would be could determinate the direction of your way, if he says no, he and the world would have to face your wrath, but if he says yes, he doesn’t truly know what would happen.

“Have faith to know you are attractive.”

You timidly smiled. “You really think so?”

“If you were not, you would have never become the Goddess of Love.” The way he spoke those words left you speechless, those words were full of adoration, you could see it on his eyes, you were his whole focus, you loved it.

You nodded, the smile was still on your face. You stood up and grabbed his hands. The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, you knew he was smiling.

“Very well, I will return to my duties this night…”

“Thank you.” Morpheus stood up as well, his face slightly turned downsides, looking softly at you, he knew how you felt, he felt the same the moment he got out of his imprisonment, when he got his tools back and deal with Rose Walker. He understood you completely.

“I’ll be waiting patiently for Friday night.” You excitedly said.

“Friday night?” He whispered.

“For our date silly, I’ll be the one on black!” You giggled before disappearing on a blink of an eye, leaving a starstruck lord of dreams and nightmares there, still wearing pair of mouse ears.

 Morpheus knew he was on a delicate predicament. His meeting with you went without any problem and he ended up with a compromise he couldn’t break. When his sister came for his aid, he at first refused to it, saying there would be no force he could possess that could change your mind. The story never fully described how you were, and his limited knowledge of you was something that provoke fear on his persona.

He sat on the endless stairs, his cape thrown behind him carelessly, a book with your name on his hands, his eyes completely focusing on the words written on those pages, a few moments ago, Matthew even tried to distract him with something banal but wasn’t successful as his boss was absorbed on your history.

The doors opened harsh, hitting the walls in the process, it startled Matthew, who was also curiously absorbed on your history, he turned his head towards the doors, annoyingly watching how Lucienne was running behind Morpheus’s sister.

“I apologize, my Lord, your sister came unannounced and didn’t want to wait.” Lucienne announced, short breaths leaving her form after chasing his sister.

Morpheus’s eyes didn’t stop reading the book, clearly not seeing how distress his sister was. “Do not worry Lucienne, you can leave us.”

Lucienne watched him for a few seconds before nodding, “Of course, my Lord.” She hesitated before leaving them (and Matthew how was now comfortably sitting on his boss head.)

“I am surprised to have you here, sister.” He greeted her, “It is unusual of yourself to come unannounced, everything alright?”

“You have a date with Cupid.” She simply stated, watching how he turned the page around and continue reading it, no paying attention to her and the urgency of that sentence.

“Yes, I believe I do.” Morpheus simply stated. Clearly not seeing the problem at hand.

Death incredulously laughed and Morpheus’s eyes finally turned to her, clearly now having his full attention. “You must be joking, little brother.”

His face tilted in question, “Joking? When have I ever joke, my sister?”

They stared at each other.

“I believe you don’t understand how incredible ridiculous this is, Dream!” She began climbing the stairs. “This is complete madness, Dream, even for you.”

“Explain your reasonings.”

“Oh my…you are really serious.” Death’s mouth opened in shock. “Dream…little brother, you need to cancel it, you must cancel it! You have no idea what are you going into.”

Morpheus closed your book and placed it on the ground with care before appearing in front of his sister, saying nothing. “What are your reasonings, sister.”

“She’s the Goddess of Love! You have any idea how bad this is going to end? Do you?” Death grabbed his shoulders, shaking him a little. “You have to cancel it.”

“Nothing you have said told me why should I cancel it.”

Death gasped incredulously, beginning to pace around the room, her hands grabbing her hair, tugging at it. “I knew you were an idiot but this is beyond madness Dream, she’s Cupid, she’s what helps the world go peaceful when she is happy, you’ve seen her angry, you’ve seen how everything collapses when she gets her heart broken…She took a two months’ vacation and the world was in complete chaos! That should be good enough reasons to cancel the date!”

“No.”

“No?”

“I do believe I have said that sister.” Morpheus pushed past her towards the doors, he felt her following to the outside. Some dreams and nightmares left quickly after seeing how mad his sister was.

“Cancel it.” She demanded with force.

“Why should I?” Morpheus asked again, Death grabbed his arm and turned him to face her.

“She is the personification of obsessive and madness love, Dream. If she becomes obsessed with you, there would be no power from anyone that could help you. Not even any of our other siblings could help you.”

Morpheus hummed quietly, his eyes meeting hers, for a moment, a quick moment, Death hoped he would accept and move on. “The answer is no, sister.”

“Dream, no, I’m not asking you again, I’m now demanding you to cancel this date. Cupid is not forgiving little brother and if you continue with this…this…with whatever this is, then story will repeat itself and you will become the new Psyche.”

“Do not compare me…”

“Well it looks like you are willingly happy to go there Dream!”  Death was now mad, she hit his shoulder with force. Morpheus said nothing in return, not wanting to escalate this beyond what it already was. “I guess you really want that Cupid-Psyche story to happened again!”

“I do not want…”

“It appears you do Dream! You should have said no! When Cupid asks you something, the answer it’s always no!”

“What would be so outrageous if I accept her advances?” He simply asked, wanting nothing more than for her to leave the Dreaming.

“Yes it would, don’t get me wrong, I am happy you that you want to try again to find love but going out with Cupid is accepting a nightmare, brother. She will demand your attention, your love, everything you have, to her you will become everything and she will hope the same.”

“Why should I look other way besides her sister?”

Death groaned in annoyance. “I forgot how stubborn you were with this, I’m going to put it simply so you can get it on that thick skull of yours. This is what you are going to do, okey? You are going to nicely cancel your date with her, if Cupid decides to be angry, then I’ll come in and help defuse her anger.”

“I believe I have not made myself clear sister, I will not cancel my meeting with cupid, and I would be grateful if you keep these comments within yourself.”

“Dream.” Death tiredly said.

“It is time for you to leave dear sister, I hate fighting with you but I will if I must, this is my domain and you come here to defy me?” Morpheus was now annoyed and angry. Their surroundings became darker and before his sister opened her mouth she disappeared from the Dreaming.

Matthew landed at his feet, watching him curiously, “Oh wow, you really vanish her didn’t you boss?”

“Do not test me Matthew, I am not calm for your sarcastic comments.”

“Yeah, I can see that, but maybe your sister is a bit right.” Matthew softly caw, beginning to fly around him.

“Matthew.” Morpheus warned.

“No, listen boss,” Matthew ignored his anger. “You are indeed going with the Goddess of Love, she’s the definition of love, you know how many movies are made thanks to her and her ideas with love?” He asked and received no answer from Morpheus so he continued. “You need to put a bit more into it boss, woo her boss.”

“Explain yourself, Matthew.” Morpheus’s attention was completely on his companion.

“She’s love right?” Morpheus slightly nodded. “And probably she’s seen everything that the others do to romance someone, right?” Matthew didn’t let him answer. “I would say do something more exciting but that might be a problem because well, you are not a chatty person boss.”

Morpheus closed his eyes exhausted.

“I know! If you want to impress her boss, then you have to go out of your comfort zone, so I would say, take her to a nice place for a nice dinner and force yourself to say more than two words and a few sounds!” Matthew said excitingly. “That would sure conquer her heart!”

  And that is why Morpheus was sitting on an uncomfortable booth waiting for your arrival, he was completely annoyed at how many times the waiter came to ask for his order, it was painfully clear how his attempts of flirting with him was.

“It’s been a few minutes love, I don’t think she is coming.” The waiter told him for the seventeenth time. His fingers graced against his coat and Morpheus was trying to not get angry at his advances and angry at you for making him for his lost time.

“Well, it was only ten minutes that I was late and you are annoying my date…Luke.” You grabbed his shoulder, making him turn to you.

Luke’s eyes scanned you and laughed at your choice of clothes, yeah, you came in with a black dress with yellow ducks and yellow tights, so what? You were happy with your choices and you dressed for yourself and for Morpheus.

“Something funny, Luke?” You tightly smiled, “Are you laughing at my face?”

“Oh honey.” He shook his head before turning away, you didn’t let him, your hand grabbing his arm with force, he tried to shook you off but couldn’t.

“It’s sad that you have the guts to flirt on my face.” Your other hand grabbed the side of his face, forcing him close to yours, your noses touched and he saw something on your eyes. “I’m going to tell you what would I do if I were you, I would make sure that this specifically date goes smooth, that everything goes within his plan.” Your hand force his head to look at Morpheus who was sitting watching you curiously. “And then, I would make sure that I was happy all the duration of this date.” You force him to look at you again. “I want a sprite with strawberries, few ice. Thank you.”

You pushed him and watched with a happy smile how he quickly made his way to the back of the place, your hands smoothen your dress before sitting at his side, you rested your head on your hand, smiling at him.

“Sorry for being late,” You sighed tiredly, “I was on my way here, I was almost two hours early! I swear! But there is this couple that are planning their wedding and both of them are disasters and needed my help so badly and I got distracted and I’m so so sorry Morpheus.” You grabbed his hand, squeezing it softly.

“Do not worry Eros.” Morpheus squeeze your hand in return, your smile widened and he took a mental note to thank Matthew for his tips on flirting. “And if you wish to speak about the reasons for your lateness, I will gladly listen.”

You laughed, playfully pushing his shoulder with yours. “It’s Cupid silly and if you really want to know I’ll tell you.”

And you began talking, you told him about Archie Bodycomb and Rachel Cobbledick, two people who were born with two left feet and bad luck at their sides, you told him about how they decided to just go on a date without planning and that resulted in Archie getting stuck on a child’s swing. You laughed at how Rachel tried to help by running towards a store and buying some butter and rubbing it on top of his jeans, ruining them in the process.

Morpheus wasn’t paying so much attention at your rambling, focusing on other things, like your movements, your laugh, how your hands hit him softly when you got excited on one of your stories, he saw how you got quieter when the waiter came with your drink, not meeting any of your eyes. He let you order for both of you, saying that you knew what he would like and he nodded in response when the waiter looked at him, his eyes were hopeful for him to shut you up.

“That would be all Luke! Remember the order, that’s how we want it to start.” You handed him the menu. “And I would be happy if you didn’t look at him, he’s mine for tonight, you hear me?”

Luke didn’t responded, opting for just leaving you two alone, on his mind, he was still hoping for Morpheus to leave you there alone. You were crazy.

“He is so thirsting over you so bad,” You gagged, “You wouldn’t believe what he was thinking about.”

Morpheus became curious, “Can you read his mind?” He asked curiously.

“Well yeah.” You nodded, blinking in amusement at his question. “It comes with the job, when you are the definition of love then you need to see and hear everything around them, it becomes annoying sometimes but amazing on other times.”

“Fascinating.”

“You think so?” You grabbed his hands, holding them closer to your chest, “I can do a lot of stuff, you know? Like going everywhere around the world in a blink of an eye, and I know every single human and other amazing stuff that I will happily tell you if you want me to.”

“I would like to know them.”

“No! No, I talk long enough, you should tell me about yourself, I feel the only things I know about you are because of Death and Desire, also all your relationships, again, sorry about them.”

“There is not much to know.” Morpheus stated, this time he was not meeting your gaze.

“What? Morpheus,” Your hands softly turned his face to yours, “if I didn’t find you interesting, I would never asked you for this date, come on! Tell me something.”

Morpheus stared at you before telling you about his life, he started from the very beginning, he told you about his failed romances, even though you already knew them, he told you about his imprisonment, about his quest for the missing tools. He told you that he felt something was missing even though he acquired his power back, and you listened. Your eyes completely absorbed on his words and he felt a pressure he didn’t know he had lift off his shoulders.

The food arrived quickly and neither of you glanced at the waiter, you were to absorbed on each other to notice his leave.

“You know why I always love eating sweet things?” You asked him, munching on a grape. He nodded without words. “There was a time, really long before this, when the Gods ruled the world. I had this small group of believers who truly trusted me, they often let me little altars with sweet stuff…I missed them.

Morpheus offered you another grape and you let him feed you. “What is it like now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Not having the same number of believers?”

You frowned, “Well.” You paused, nodding when you had your answer. “I would say is hard but to be honest I am grateful, it could be worse.” You shrugged. “I heard that there are some Gods and Goddess that ended up worse. I do have a lot of job though, people love to be in romantic relationships, but trust me, I do enjoy my work…Do you?”

“Do I?” Morpheus repeated.

“Do you enjoy doing your job?” You asked curiously. “I love my job and I have so many stories that always brightened my day yet sometimes is just too much to handle.”

Morpheus stayed quiet.

“So, do you enjoy your job?” You asked again.

“I do…but…” He didn’t ended his sentence but you nodded anyway. Grabbing his hand once again.

“I know.” You whispered. You glanced at the table, still full-on food. “Do you want to walk a for a bit? We could asked for everything to go, there’s a park near, we could go there…maybe make out a bit, who knows.” You shrugged.

“Do you wish to?”

“Hm?” You turned to him.

“Do you wish to…make out with me?”

“Fuck yeah.” You stood up. “Waiter! Waiter, put everything to go quickly!” You turned to Morpheus. “I’m making out with you so hard you have no idea.”

 “Sooo…I heard something quite interesting today sweet, sweet Cupid.” Desire took a sip of his tea. “I heard a tiny, little comment from my sister.”

You hummed, completely absorbed in putting sugar on your tea, at this point it was more sugar than liquid. “You have a lot of sisters, Desire, you have the one with the shoes, the other one, the one with the cute hair, but you also have a lot of brothers! There is the one that does that thing, and the other one that does the other thing, also the other other one!”

Desire looked unimpressed, “Sometimes I wonder if you are faking that or you truly don’t remember us.”

You shrugged, taking a sip of your tea, making a disgusted face, “Needs more sugar, miss waitress!” You motioned to come closer when she looked at your direction. “Hi, hello, could we get more sugar? Thank you!”

“Babe, that is more sugar than tea.”

“Well, it still taste sour and that is disgusting. But yeah, I really don’t remember your siblings, I remember you because we are almost always together.” You smiled, grabbing a few cookies. “So, what did you hear?”

Desire teasingly smiled, “Well, Death told me…you remember Death, right?”

“Death…Death…Death…” Your finger tapped your lips, “Nope, doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Really?” You nodded, Desire sighed. “Curly hair? Black pants? Black shirt?”

“Nope.”

“Curly hair?”

“Nope.”

“You are unbelievable.” Desire took their phone out, furiously searching through the photographs, they smiled in victory, giving you the phone. “Now you remember?”

You took the phone, looking at the girl on the picture. You laughed in delight. “Oh! Yeah! I so know her! She does have great taste in shoes.”

“Huh, she does have great taste in shoes.”

“What about her? You were clearly saying she told you something, is it gossip? Oh, it is! About whom?!”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Desire smiled cheekily.

“Yes, I would like to know, that’s why I’m asking?” You told him confused, taking the sugar packets the waitress handed you. Starting to pour all of them to your cup.

“You will die with a sugar overdose one of these days babe.”

“Meh.” You taste your tea again, moaning in happiness with the flavor. “You would miss me too much if I die silly, you probably cry and you don’t look sexy crying.”

Desire gasped offended, grabbing your hand and slapping it softly. “I do take offense with that sentence, everything I do is sexy.”

“Meh.”

“You are doing this in purpose, aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

“You ass.”

“Yep.”

“Stop trying to change the subject!” Desire grabbed your cup, “Death told me that you went out on a date with that pathetic brother of mine, and before you are going to say ‘Desire, you have a lot of siblings’ once again, it’s Morpheus,” You opened your mouth. “Nope! Morpheus, Dream of Endless, king of dreams and nightmares, the pessimist ass of this family.”

“Yeah, we went on a date, doesn’t talk much but he’s cute.”

“Baby, I love you so much and I would never die for you, but really?” Desire looked disgusted. “You deserve someone better than him.”

“Like…”

“I don’t know, I’m always questioning your type, but look, I don’t think you should go on a second date with him?”

You frowned, trying to take back your tea, “Why?” You asked, “Did Death say something about that? And don’t you dare lie to me, we are friends, don’t push that.”

Desire sighed, “Yeah, she did mention something about that.”

You stood up angrily, “What did she said?”

“I’m not looking to start drama…”

You looked at him quietly before nodding to yourself, you walked towards the waitress, whispering on her ear before she began everyone to leave, the people were angry but one look at you and decided that it wasn’t worth watching whatever you will do. You walked towards the door, closing it softly, putting the close sign on.

“I will only ask once again, Desire of Endless.” Desire jaw tensed, there was only one time he watched your anger in full display. “What did your sister said?”

“Well…”

“I am not longer in the mood.”

“Fine, she told me she thought you were a tiny bit obsessed when it comes with loving someone and well, she was quite worried about our stupid brother.”

“I see, it would be better if both of whom are we speaking of are present, don’t you think?” You didn’t wait for Desire to answer, your fingers snaping loudly.

The lights flickered wildly, Desire sighed once again, clearly annoyed with your mood changing. Death appeared sitting next to Desire, Morpheus sitting in front of them, both clearly confused at the action, they saw you glancing the door.

“Wha…? Cupid?” Death stood up, not noticing how Desire’s eye where glued to the table. Morpheus sat there quietly, looking around the empty café. You were angry.

“Eros.” You corrected her, finally turning to face them. “I believed we were friends, Death of Endless, I believed I treated you with kindness and you dare to speak ill of me?” Your eyes were flickering with a bright pink.

“Cupid.” Morpheus joined his sister side, not moving fast to not provoke you. “What is the meaning of this?”

Your eyes turned to Morpheus, your anger not appeasing. “Tell him what you told Desire.” You commanded Death, “Tell him the truth.”

“Cupid, that is enough.” Morpheus firmly told you, taking a step towards you.

“No, tell him, Death of Endless, tell your brother what you said before.”

Death sighed, “He already knows what I told Desire.”

“He…knew?” You blink in confusion. “And he did not told me?”

Morpheus grabbed your hands. “It was not necessary as my intentions were always to continue seeing you.”

“Why did they tell you that?” Your focus was on him, “Why are they so afraid of a relationship that hasn’t had happened.”

“Look Cupid.” You turned towards Death angrily, she backtracked a bit, correcting how she addressed you, Desire standing by her side. “Eros, we really care about Dream.”

“No, we don’t.” Death hit Desired harshly.

“As I said, we do care about him and we didn’t want him to be…you know…”

“No, I do not know.” You answered tightly, taking away your hands from Morpheus’s grasp, you walked towards Death and her eyes glued to the ground. “What are you trying to say?”

“Sweetie, we didn’t want another Psyche story to happen, I love you too much but when she divorced you, you became quite annoying.” Desired answered for Death.

Perhaps it was the crudest way to tell you why they were so against of you going out with their brother. Perhaps it was the way that Morpheus couldn’t look at your eyes, maybe he was also thinking that, maybe he didn’t want to be the new Psyche, but why did he accepted your invite? But that was when you remember, you invited him yet you didn’t let him answer you.

“You think…” You began, your voice cracking, Morpheus took a step to you but you took one back. “You think I would hurt him?”

“Yes.” Death softly replied. Morpheus looked at her, his face was hard.

“You don’t even know the story.” You quietly said, your arms hugged your form. “Nobody knows the true story.”

“But that doesn’t mean anything sweetie,” Desire said, their eyes turning soft at your broken form. “Yes, Dream is an idiot and he proudly shows it, but dating you, that would just be mad even for him.”

“Do not speak for…”

“It is true though.” Death interrupted her brother, grabbing his arm and dragging him between her and Desire’s side. “We love you, but you don’t have a great track record with this stuff.”

“Let’s call her then,” You said, your eyes watching them with hate, your fingers snap once again.

A beautiful woman appeared, her body and hair covered with flour and frosting, clearly she was in the middle of something, her eyes looked quickly at the ones at the store, taking a step back when they landed on you.

“Hello Psyche, it’s been a while.” You greeted her, your voice without emotion. “Let me introduce you to them. Meet the Endless, Death, Desire and Dream, your fans, apparently the are on your side even without hearing the complete story.”

“Eros.” Psyche greeted you, her head nodding at the direction of the other three. “You always had a bad time with our meetings.”

You sarcastically laughed, “Yeah, guess I do, you are here for only one reason, take it seriously or you will face a worst faith than my wrath.”

“I see you never changed, what can I do for you?”

“Tell them our story and don’t look for sympathy, you deserve nothing.”

“Always the charmer.” Psyche told you with sarcasm, she turned to the other three. “Well, she met me a long time ago, when she was a man, we fell in love and then we had a fight and we are trying to move forward with our relationship. But Eros is still a bit adamant in not going to therapy. And that’s it.”

You threw a table across the room, the Endless looked at you in shock at your violence, they saw your anger but you never acted on it. Psyche just sighed and decided to sat down, she knew this would take more than a few minutes as your tantrum was just about to begin.

“You are forgetting a key part, my dear ex-wife.” You stood in front of her, your eyes were completely pink, Psyche swallowed, she now remembers what would happened if someone did something completely different on what you asked. “You forgot how you begged me to let you be close to Zeus, you forgot how you became pregnant with his seed and not mine, how you lied to my face, saying they were mine, how you let me held my children, you forgot to said how Zeus came to our home and demanded what was his, that you willingly went at his side, even when I beg for your stay, and when you returned broken how he left you for another one. I needed you by my side, you were my heart, you were my air and you still left me there.”

“Eros.” Psyche whispered.

“You forgot your lies, my dear ex-wife, you forgot how you took my love for granted, you forgot how you had me on my knees for you, I would have given up my life and my immortality at your wish, you forgot how you had me my love, I would have gone to Hades realm at your wish, I would have enter war at your command, I would had made for you a realm only for you to be a queen. You had me Psyche and you threw me away for the highest power.”

“I never wanted Zeus, I was blind my love, I was at my youth and was foolishly thinking nonsense…I always wanted you Eros.” Psyche stood up, her hands cradling your face with tenderness. Morpheus took a step forward, Death and Desire grabbed his arms and force him to stay still. “My heart was yours and it still is, my love.”

“Lies.” You whispered against her lips, not daring to break the space. “You are a liar, you are not to be trusted.”

“Yes I can, I love you Eros,” She kissed your cheek. “This has been too long, I miss your touch but I am willingly wait for you to accept me back.”

You swallowed painfully, “Ask Zeus for it.” You snap your fingers and she disappeared in a pink blink. “You now know the truth.” You turned to them, ignoring how Morpheus was trying to break free. “You are like her, liars. Liars do not deserve my love. Do not look for me, as now you will face her punishment. You will never see me again.” And you disappear.

“Well, that was something.” Death hit Desire once again.

 ‘IS LOVE REALLY DEATH?’

‘THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER A BREAK-UP, ACCORDING TO A PSYCHOLOGIST.’

‘HAVING TROUBLE MOVING ON? KIM KARDASHIAN’S 6 STEPS TO HELP YOU TO BE YOU AGAIN AFTER FILING FOR DIVORCE’

‘BREAKUP BOOT CAMP IS NOW OPEN FOR BUISNESS.’

‘HOW TO GET OVER A BREAK-UP ACCORDING TO NEW, SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH.’

‘DID CUPID REALLY GAVE UP ON US? DON’T FORGET TO TUNE THIS FRIDAY’S PODCAST, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AND ELIZABETH OSLEN SPECIAL GUESTS!

 “Rachel, you totally deserve someone better than Archie, he’s an idiot and her mother is crazy.” You were sitting on her couch, softly patting her back as she was ugly-crying looking at her phone, she didn’t knew you were there but you were giving her some support. “And breaking someone over a text? He sucks.”

Rachel truly believed that Archie was the one, and to be honest it was kinda your fault that the world was going into fire for a second time this year. But you had an excuse, you were truly believing that you and Morpheus would had something special and he was willingly accepting your pace. But siblings suck and you could help to think that one day he would just simply lie like Psyche did.

You sighed, moving the tissues closer to a broken Rachel, still telling her that Archie was a mistake, hoping that she would hear your words and take them as if you were her conscious.

The sound of a raven’s caw distracted you, your eyes watching the tiny window, you swore that the raven was looking at you intently and motion you to go outside. You were beginning to go crazy.

You closer your eyes, trying to ignore the immense curiosity of what the raven wanted to show you, you hated yourself as you gave a last pat on Rachel’s back and went out looking for your possible new friend.

“Raven? New friend?” You called out for the raven, your voice not so energetic as before.

Everything about you was dull, it was like you didn’t believed in love anymore. This wasn’t like the Psyche situation, this was new, you were not angry, you were sad and depressed, even your clothes has lost your sense, you were wearing a simple pair of jeans and a hoodie, you were so sad that you couldn’t take the time to dress.

“Raven, where are you? If you don’t come here, well I will go inside, Rachel is starting her sad movie marathon and I want to be there when she starts cursing at the hot actor.”

Two pair of hands grabbed your shoulders, you screamed and it wasn’t your proudest moment, you turned and there he was, beautiful and perfect, like the last time you saw him.

“Morpheus?!” You almost hit him on the face, “Don’t do that! I almost killed you!”

“Cupid.”

“It’s Eros, you stop having access to my other name after what happened.” You tried to shake off his hands, but he was putting enough pressure to having you trapped under his grasp. “Would you mind? I am quite busy.”

“You stopped doing your duties, Cupid.” He ignored your offended face, “You stopped me from seeing you.”

“Well, I was just granting your sister’s wish you know, so your welcome, now let me go, I want to stuff my face with popcorn, Rachel is an eater so I have to be fast.”

“My sister has no right to ask on my name.” He snarled, his hands cradling your face, they held if softly and with a quick movement, you could be free but you let him touch you. “You forbidden me to let me see you.”

“Well, you’re welcome, now stop flirting with me with your sexy deep voice, I have things to do…”

“For example?”

You grabbed his wrists, just holding them, not moving them. “Eat, I’m depressed if you hadn’t…”

“I notice, you are not wearing your colorful clothing.” He told you softly.

“You noticed that?” You whispered.

“I always notice, even if you did not let me see you.”

You bit your lip, shaking your head you pushed his hands away from your face and began walking away from him. “It’s better if you leave, your family doesn’t like me, and they’re right, I will demand too much from you, and I don’t think you are ready for that.”

Morpheus appeared at your front, making you crash on his chest, he held you again, his arms tightening around your form. “Do not speak for myself.”

“Well, do what I ask then.” You tried to break from his grasp once again. “Plus, you didn’t said a thing or looked for me, your interest didn’t show up.”

“I was respecting your wishes, stop moving, you will hurt yourself.” He grunted.

“Well, I like the pain and I like to be free so shoo, let me go, you are making a scene!” You exclaimed, your eyes finally finding the raven, “Bird, help me!”

“Matthew only responds to my command.” Morpheus whispered on your ear.

“You told him to spy me!”

“Well, I’m sorry miss, but orders are orders.” Matthew hopped closer to you, at this point you let your body go lack, hoping that Morpheus would get tired and drop you. He didn’t, Matthew was trying so hard not to laugh at both of your faces. “But if I were you, I would listen to boss, he became really mopey and depressed when you guys broke off.”

“We didn’t break off!”

“We do not broke off.”

Both of you exclaimed at the same time, you paused when you realized what you screamed, you didn’t break off but you weren’t together. Your eyes glanced at his face, he was looking at you, you could see the pouting on his mouth, his brows furrowed and the sadness on his eyes.

“Think about this for a second Morpheus.” He almost purred at the sound of his name, Matthew would have so much material to gossip around that he decided to stay quiet. “I am Cupid, I will demand your love for me and only me, are you okey with that?”

“I would like nothing more.” He brought your faces closer, his lips caressing yours, not fully touching, “Give me an opportunity to prove it to you.”

You stared at his eyes, you could see the tiny stars that they held. Your hands rested on his chest and you felt his heart. “It beats for you.” He whispered once again.

“Really?” You tried to close the gap but he didn’t let you.

“Yes.”

Morpheus pushed his lips against yours, your kiss was desperate, you grabbing everything you could, his hair, his face, his neck. He held you closer to his body, humming at your warm touch, he missed you even if your relationship wasn’t even started, his thoughts were filled by you and even the dreams were a prove to that.

He let you go softly, you trying to kissed him again but he only have you a final peck full of love and admiration. “I believe we should marry.”

You stared at him surprised.

Matthew began hopping rapidly towards you, his voice full of shock. “Boss?! That’s too soon! We talked about this!”

“Oh silly, we do not need a wedding.” You laughed at his heartbroken face and Matthews cry. “I am the Goddess of Love, if you want, we could just start saying we are married!”

Morpheus smiled, kissing you again.

“That’s not how it works!” Matthew exclaimed.

“Where is he?!” You entered the library in hurry. “We are so late!”

Lucienne was startled at your presence, the book at her hands dropped to the floor. “It’s good to see you, my lady, are you looking for the dream lord?”

“Yes!” You stressed, “We are so late, Lucienne! There is late and fashionable late, and we are the first one!”

Lucienne watched you pace around the library, she saw your attired and knew that this was important to you, you were wearing a formal attire, completely different from your usual outfits. Your hair was also stylized different, opting for a simple ponytail that was moving wildly at your crazy steps.

“Hey Cupid, looking fancy, going somewhere?” Matthew landed on a table, he watching your dress. “Love the dress, are those stars?”

You stopped, turning to the raven, you smiled with nervousness but still turning around to let him see your dress. “Yes! Morpheus wanted to match but didn’t tell me to what! I had to take a wild guess and now here I am, completely nicely dress, looking so good and he’s nowhere in sight! We are so late Matthew! I’m this close to leaving his ass and going to this wedding on my own…You hear me Morpheus! I’m going alone! I’m going to drink my ass off and flirt with all the single best men!”

Lucienne averted her eyes when she saw an angry dream lord, turning away quickly.

You turned when you felt his hands on your back, your arms crossed and a glare on your face. “We are so late mister. We are so late that probably they have already said yes and we missed it.”

“Apologies.” He offered you his arm. “We are still hours earlier, my love.”

“For you is early, but for me? Morpheus, I am Cupid, I need to be at this wedding.” He kissed your cheek softly, guiding you through the palace with ease. “You think only with one kiss you can win me over?”

“I have already won you over, my dear.” He cheekily smiled. You punch his shoulder.

“Oh, you might have won me over, but making me late for a wedding? It would take more than one kiss to appease my anger.”

“Yes?” Morpheus began pushing you towards a wall, “What should I do then?”

“Stop flirting with me! We are so late!” You dragged him to the door, he happily following you without a word.

 The wedding was a disaster and you were beyond stressed, Archie was late, Rachel broke her heels walking down the aisle, the paster dropped the bible. Someone’s phone rang. But they managed to say yes, even though the sound of the mics were off a good chunk of the wedding.

Morpheus didn’t wanted to dance but you force him, threatening him to disappear if he didn’t dance with you.

“It was not a disaster.” He muttered on your hair. “They look happy.”

Your eyes turned to the now-married couple who was dancing on the center of the floor. Archie was smiling so hard even with the dark eye he was wearing. Rachel was the same, she had a bruise on her cheek after she tried to take the mic from her new mother-in-law.

“It could be better.”

“It could, but for them, it already is.” He kissed your hair softly. You hummed in delight.

“Thank you for coming with me.” You whispered on his neck, leaving a quick kiss on it. “And I’m sorry I was such a sucker for weddings.”

He hummed, kissing the side of your head. “I would have come even if you never asked.”

“There’s something on your mind, you are quieter than usual and you are grasping quite hard at my waist.”

“Apologies.”

“Why? You know your hands does things to me, babe, manhandle me, it’s such a turn on.” You smiled at the shook on his face. He frowned.

“You are right.” He quietly said. “There is something on my mind.”

“Hm? What is it…Come on! Tell Cupid what can she do to help you, you hotshot.” You playfully winked at him. Morpheus tried to suppressed his smile.

“I want a wedding. I want a reminder that you became mine, I want to be able to a day for us.”

“Morpheus.”

“Choose a day.” He kissed you softly. “Choose a day so you can be mine and I can be yours.”

You nodded, “Alright, I’ll choose a day.”

“Thank you.” He kissed you.

“You know what we should do?”

“What?” He whispered against your lips, his eyes closing in content.

“We should totally have a celebratory-fuck on the bathroom.”

#morpheus x reader #morpheus x you #morpheus imagine #dream of the endless #dream of the endless x reader #dream x reader #dream x you #the sandman #the sandman x you #the sandman fanfic #the sandman x reader #imagine #tom sturridge #sandman x you #sandman x reader

[insaniquariumfish]

Some people have love for humanity, but no compassion for it, no real empathy for human beings that goes beyond the surface level and superficial. Being a misanthropist with compassion is better than being a philanthropist who thinks that there is ultimately nothing fundamentally wrong with the world, who thinks it's okay if all the horrors that humans are subjected to continue to persist, because they think "everything balances out in the end" or because "everything happens for a reason" or some shit. Like I'm sorry, but we definitely tolerate toxic positivity and allow it to masquerade as healthy optimism out of a fear of ever validating anything that seems "too edgy" way, way too much. At some point a desire to only think normal thoughts that aren't cringe turns into intellectual cowardice and moral laziness, and you've definitely reached that point if your attitude towards the abundance of heinous suffering in this world is just, "oh gee well that sure is unfortunate, but you know, ultimately life is beautiful and everything is okay, and none of that stuff really matters in the grand scheme of things, life is still inherently good, etc. etc."

If there is no form of suffering so heinous to you that you would rather vaporize the planet than allow it to continue for one more day, then I'm sorry but you are someone with a hollow and performative affection for your species. Valuing the mere presence of human minds over the actual experiential quality of the lived realities of real humans will always be oonga boonga brain shit to me, I'm sorry. Like your primal drive to support the species' survival is dampening your higher moral functioning. I would rather live in a world where there's just three clones named Sally who are immortal and always happy, than live in a world where millions of people are enduring unspeakable horrors every single day, sorry. "The beauty of life" and "the wonderful tenacity of the human spirit" mean nothing to me when there are people living their entire lives in slavery and little girls are getting gangraped to death. The fact that people regularly take their own lives because their pain is so unbearable that they'd prefer to just cease existing should tell us all we need to know about the value of quantity vs. quality on this issue. Life itself is not inherently good any more than anything else is, and more life does not automatically equal more value and goodness. If you see nothing wrong with throwing new people into this world despite knowing what it could have in store for them, what potential fates they, or their children, could endure, then you only love humanity in the way you love coffee or a good book. You love the idea of humanity. The ideal of humanity. What humanity represents to you. You love humanity as a concept, not as a collection of individual human beings with thoughts and feelings.

#ramble #rant #vent #random thoughts #empathy #compassion #misanthropy #philanthropy #toxic positivity #antinatalism

[petalsofyouth]

limerence; and it goes both ways | ran haitani x reader

tw: unestablished relationship, smoking, mentions of usage of weed, sexual activity (it's not really detailed, but it is, haha) /i think that's it, but i probably missed something as i usually do, so please do tell me if you think i forgot something/

wc: 28 128

author's note: ran was supposed to be extremely toxic in this, but he isn't. we'll meet the version of ran i initially intend in another story. oh, and they all are in universities, so it's uni au, no usual gangs activities.

i.

Aoki Ogura is perfect, or so Ran thinks.

She says her first name is spelled with kanji that mean 'a little love,' and her last name means 'tiny' and 'blue.' She giggles as she says it, staring with her beautiful eyes at Ran. She might like him, and he might like her too.

Or even more.

Ran thinks he is in love with the girl in front of him, and it doesn't really matter that he has only seen her twice in his life: once when Rindou was picking him up from rehearsals for dinner and Ran happened to tag along, and today, for the second time, at someone's party in Kamakura.

He doesn't dare to say it aloud yet, but he already calls it fate. Ran is quick to assume.

He chats up this pretty, perfect girl, leaning down to her so she can hear him over 'Cherry Girl' by Black Cherry, which is playing too loudly for Ran's taste. But today he won't complain and whine about it as he usually would've, because this works exactly in his favor, creating the much-desired proximity between his body and Aoki's. They are really really close.

Her body is nice too. She's wearing a white summer dress that hugs her shoulders and waist so tightly that Ran doesn't need much imagination to have her undressed before him. Besides, he knows that Aoki is a dance major. A nice body is a given. He has hooked up with girls from the dance department before. He has never been disappointed once.

Right now, though, he feels like the happiest person at this party in the house that is too small for so many people. His chest is burning, and a smile blooms by itself. Aoki is telling him about her white cat, and Ran, who has never before been very enthusiastic about animals, nods at her, agreeing that cats are the best pets to have.

By the end of their conversation, Ran forgets that he always wanted to have a dog and that his favorite color was never blue, but white and purple.

ii.

Rindou doesn't share his brother's enthusiasm about Aoki.

He doesn't think she's cute, beautiful, or even talented. He has spoken to her before numerous times, and the only thing he remembers is the deep irritation he felt as she spoke in that high-pitched voice of hers that every J-idol claims to have. If she weren't your friend - of a sort - he would never entertain her with his company.

But you are classmates, and you are Rindou's best friend, and he loves you too much to ruin your somewhat good relationship with Aoki.

So when he spots his brother's face with the softest expression he has ever had while he talks to Aoki, Rindou is beyond disgusted. Blame it on alcohol or real physical disturbance from the unfolding scene, but Rindou gets nauseous and, closing his mouth with his hand, retreats to the back of the house in the direction of the beach. All the toilets are occupied anyway.

It's not long after he is done, and the rusty taste fills his mouth, that you appear with a bottle of sparkling water and mints in the pocket of your leather pants. He can see the outline of the box there, and he shoots you a half-smile, knowing well that you stole those from the cupboard in the hall of Ryou's house.

"Are you good?" you ask, squatting down near him. You pass him a bottle of water and watch him as he drinks it to the end.

"Yeah. I am okay," he hums appreciatively and takes a candy from the box. They aren't minty. They are strawberry flavoured. He likes these. "Thank you. You are a real-life angel."

You don't reply. Just nod at him and peer in front of you at the vast darkness where the sea and the sky are one black hole; your eyes are the same.

The music from the house is distant, and it feels as if you and Rindou are somewhere far away from this place, only the two of you in your own little world where no one and nothing can touch you. However, this is not true, and Ran is the one to prove it. If there's someone more worthy of this role for shattering illusions than Ran, Rindou doesn't know them yet.

"I've told you not to mix weed and alcohol," Ran sighs, standing behind you both. He doesn't sit down or come closer, and yet his presence is suffocating.

You turn your head, disappointment written all over your face, and Rindou wonders why it is that you are disappointed. Is it because instead of words of consolation, Ran is quick to assume? Or maybe because you just don't want him here? Or perhaps it's for your own reason that you hide deep in your chest, unknown to him?

You and Ran aren't really friends, but you aren't on bad terms either, nor could your relationship be called neutral. It is whatever it is - the mess, the chaos, and the calm understanding.

"We weren't smoking, Ran." Your lower lip quivers, and your eyes are squinted. Finally, you are disgusted with him, but out of habit, you call him by his name. There's something Rindou knows you won't admit, but you like Ran's name a lot. Otherwise, why would you say it so often? "Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be entertaining your bimbos?"

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be with your red-haired celebrity?" Ran shoots back, taking a step closer in your direction, and if he wants to be intimidating, it doesn't work on you.

"First of all, Haru's hair is pink. Secondly, he isn't even here. And lastly, are you colourblind, by any chance, Ran? That would explain this atrocious outfit…"

The sentence is never finished because Ran yanks you by the elbow and pinches your arm. Hard. You yelp and barely stand on your wobbly legs that hurt from squatting for too long. Ran steadies you, helping you not to fall down on your ass as he holds each of your arms in his hands. Your eyes meet. Yours furious and his calm but curious.

You open your mouth to say something, probably unpleasant, but Rindou cuts in. "Stop pinching her."

"Okay. I am sorry." Ran still holds you by your arms, his hands warming your cold skin where he touches you. When you scoff and attempt to break free, he doesn't let go. He tugs you closer. "I really am. See."

Fatigue from emptying his stomach only a few minutes earlier returns when Rindou stands up. His vision goes blurry for a second. The world spins around him, and the music and you and Ran are a beautiful smudged carousel. He grounds himself, breathing in and out. In and out. More than anything, he doesn't want to puke again.

But when the world clears, and he sees Ran rubbing soothing gentle circles on the place on your arm where he pinched you, he wishes he puked. It's even worse looking at him being tender with you than dumbstruck by Aoki. With you, it's gut-wrenching.

"You know, Ran, I prefer it more when you are rude to me than whatever this was," you exclaim, but if you were angry before, you aren't now. You break free from him and come to Rindou's side. You take a good look at his face and cupping it, brush long blonde hair away from his eyes, spreading them all the way to the back of his head. "Do you want to go eat something? Maybe ramen? Hm? No. Actually, you should eat ochazuke now, and then we'll get you that vitamin thing from 7-Eleven. Okay? So you won't have a hangover tomorrow."

Rindou is not that drunk. He only had two cans of beer and a shot of vodka. But he doesn't argue with you. After all, he is used to you babying him from time to time. He hated it at first, but hate is nothing more than love that you can't untangle just yet. He nods at you and steals a box of strawberry candies from your pocket, popping one into his mouth. They are indeed nice.

As you leave the party, your arms linked, Ran follows behind you both. He wasn't invited to your little late dinner or early breakfast, but he assumes he is coming because he is the one with the car.

Well, if anything, Ran is quick to assume. iii.

Inside the diner, it's warm, and the air is rich with the smell of delicious food.

You sit beside Rindou on red cushions and watch him eat ochazuke with unagi and nori. Ran is sitting across from you, his plate of shoyu ramen untouched. He's waiting for it to cool down a bit. He claims that hot food never sits well in his stomach. For one reason or another, you don't believe it's true; it's probably another white lie.

In your opinion, Ran is woven with lies—innocent and not. As long as those lies don't harm you, you're fine with them.

The diner you're in is the usual one you always stop by after Ryou's parties. It's small, cheap, and the food is always fresh and tasty. It's in Kanagawa, near Shirahataike Park. If Ran weren't with you and Rindou didn't throw up earlier, you would've asked Rindou to go there and lie down on the grass near the pond, maybe smoke one or two of your specially reserved "Seven Stars" until dawn found you there and it got too cold. He, of course, would have agreed. He always does. It's more of a habit now. A little custom that's only yours.

Out of the blue, Ran asks, "On what days does the dance department practice?"

With a spoon between your lips, you frown. You shoot a quick glance at Rindou and catch how quickly his eyes harden, his mouth becoming a thin line. Oh, so Rindou knows the reason for the question, and while you might not, you have your suspicions.

"So? Who's your next victim, Ran?" you ask and put the spoon down in the bowl with the thick brown broth. You and Ran ordered the same.

"Why victim?" His eyes widen in surprise, and he looks quite comical.

You tilt your head to the side and laugh. Rindou near you is smiling too, but for a different reason than you suppose. "Just tell me who you want to hook up with, and maybe I'll give you her number."

"Actually, you know what? I can just ask myself."

"You sure can," you reply, shrugging your shoulders and in the next minute, you forget all about Ran's question as you turn to Rindou and ask him if he finished that music assignment he was working on. You say that today you talked to Ryou, and he had almost finished his.

The conversation between you and Rindou flows as effortlessly as ever. You discuss your classes, assignments, and even gossip about your mutual friends and people you don't even know the names of. You laugh a lot, and a couple of times, you get too serious, needing a pause before picking up the conversation again. You enjoy these two hours spent at the diner more than you enjoyed the party itself.

When the sky is flushed with pink and blue, you decide to call it a night. Rindou excuses himself to the restroom, and you find yourself with Ran standing on the porch of the ramen shop. It's raining a little, but the air is fresh, smelling of grass and soil. It smells like new beginnings and the meaning of life. You catch yourself thinking that for the first time in a long while, you're truly happy.

Sometimes, life is worth it all.

"Do you like the color blue?"

"What?" You stop swaying on your tiptoes and tuck your hands into the pockets of your jacket. It's mid-April, but still a bit chilly. "Do I like the color blue?"

"Yeah. Do you?"

"Depends on the shade of blue. It can be the happiest or the saddest color in the world. I need to know which shade of blue you mean, Ran." You contemplate it for a moment and then shake your head, quickly adding, "No. I don't think I actually like any color at all. Maybe just white and black."

"Aren't those two colors too?"

Your lips curve into a smile, and you look down at your tabi boots, thrifted from a vintage shop in Nakano. The shop owner told you, it once was his wife’s boots and she got them in Belgium in 1994. It was her favourite pair of shoes, but she died recently and he can’t bring himself to keep them around. He said that he wanted these stupid tabi boots to continue living on and bring happiness to other people even if his own wife was beyond the point of any human emotion.

"No, they aren't, really," you whisper, more to yourself than to Ran. "It's the absence of color that I like. It's like none of them exist."

The rain continues to pour until the afternoon, and then it suddenly stops, as if it was never there.

iv.

Ran had never longed for a girl before.

The feeling is new, and it is unpleasant. He doesn't understand why he keeps thinking about her and why he wants to hear her voice again. The fact that he couldn't remember what they were talking about at the party doesn't matter. Ran never remembers conversations he had with girls. He only remembers Aoki's plump, pink lips and her sweet, pretty eyes.

He needs to see her now. Today.

But unfortunately for him, he doesn't study at your university, and tagging along with Rindou to pick you up after your classes might be suspicious. Besides, Aoki might not even be there.

He doesn't want to ask you about Aoki either. It's stupid, really. He has asked you about multiple girls from your class before, but right now, he feels that asking about precious Aoki might spoil everything. Ran wants everything to be perfect because he thinks he was in love.

Having you as a connection to Aoki is like having no connection at all.

So, he tries the only remedy he knows—sex. And when that only blows off steam for a couple of days, a week at best, he does something he has never done before: he studies.

That's how you found him one day as you stop by their apartment to pick Rindou up so you can have your lunch together. Ran guesses he looks ridiculous in his grey sweatpants and old, loose T-shirt, surrounded by piles of books and handouts. Otherwise, why would you smile at him?

"Didn't know you were such a fan of studying, Ran," you say, dragging his name out and he rolls his eyes at you. If you want to mock him, you need to try harder. "Why don't you join us for lunch? Have you eaten already?"

"Not interested," he replies, not tearing his eyes away from the handouts with case-study before him.

"Oh, really? Too bad. I thought you might want to see Aoki Ogura again."

As Ran lifts his eyes to take a look at your face, to see if you were being serious or messing with him, you aren't there anymore. He catches a glimpse of your back disappearing through Rindou's door and hears his brother cursing at you for scaring him.

You close the door as you get in.

v.

Of course, Ran tails for the lunch with you, and of course, it annoys Rindou.

It's not that he doesn't enjoy hanging out with his brother—he pretty much does, and yet, he prefers having his own circle of friends to himself. You and Haruchiyo were his sacred zone. Only his to enjoy and spend time together with.

With Ran and Aiko and Aiko’s new boyfriend Takeshi, lunch gets awkward. Not because Ran is upset or mad or anything of the sort, but because Aoki gets flustered when she sees Ran and despite bragging to you before that she is so in love with Takeshi - you have told that to Rindou over another lunch on another Sunday - she sits between you and Haruchiyo, leaving Rindou to sit next to her stupid boyfriend.

"How did you two get together?" Ran asks Aoki, his voice dripping with sweetness. He chews on a yellow plastic straw that smells of fresh orange juice. "The last time we saw each other, you were single, or am I wrong?"

Aoki giggles, and her doll-like face turns pink. "We met at the party a week after Ryou's. I thought you would have come. That's why I went."

"Me?" Ran raises his eyebrows and takes a big sip of juice from the glass, ignoring the forgotten straw on the marble table. "Why would I?"

"Probably because I was invited, but I didn't end up going. I heard that party was a huge flop. What happened?" Already tired of the meaningless and obviously flirtatious exchange, Rindou cuts in, shifting Aoki's attention from Ran to him.

The girl sighs and, before replying, cuts a small piece of her vanilla cheesecake and puts it in her mouth, chewing. Pretentious little bitch. "You probably don't know them, but Shota from the second-year oil painting class got into a fight with Rintaro from the first-year dance class. They say Shota's girl cheated on him. Wasn't much of a fight, though."

"Bullshit. I know Rintaro pretty well, and he never laid a finger on that girl."

"Oh, really? I heard they made a tape with her."

"Like a sex tape?"

"Yes. I haven't seen it, but they say it was..."

"Cut the bullshit, Ogura." Haruchiyo is too loud as he defends his friend for the second time. A couple seated nearby turns their heads toward your table, intrigued by the sudden commotion. "It wasn't him in the video."

"You talk like you're familiar with his dick," the smirk on Takeshi’s full lips is not meant to be perceived as a mocking one, Rindou really wants to think it’s not, but before he or either anyone else reacts, you laugh and your laugh is cruel and cold.

"If Haru says it wasn't Rintaro, then it wasn't Rintaro. Why the dick comment?"

"Just joking. Right, baby?" Takeshi shoots a toothy smile at Aoki, who sheepishly nods. Rindou wishes you hadn't invited her to lunch. It should've been just you, him, and Haruchiyo. "But I still find it strange that he's so sure it wasn't him in the video. It was just a guy's dick sliding in and out."

"I've never seen the video."

"So you believe whatever he says?" “Oh, God. It’s annoying.” You whine. You lick your lips and stare straight at Takeshi who is right in front of you. Your eyes are black and endless, bottomless, reminiscent of that party where Rindou threw up, where Ran saw Aoki for the second time, and where this mess began. “So, say, your friend comes to you and says he didn’t do it, but everyone else says he did it. Who do you believe? Your friend or them?

Takeshi doesn't hesitate in his response. "A lot of people can't be wrong, right?"

A small little cloud of air escapes your mouth, and your body that has been strained like a tightrope, is now limp in the chair. You look tired. Rindou wants to ask if you're okay, but he refrains. Besides, you start speaking again, this time not looking at Takeshi but at the blue summer sky above you. "Nah. I think they can be wrong. If Rindou or Haru tell me they didn't do it, that's all I need to know. No one can convince me they did it if they say they didn't. So if Haru says it wasn't Rintaro, then it wasn't fucking Rintaro in the video."

For the rest of the lunch, you don't speak much, and Rindou is concerned. He doesn't like it when you get quiet, as it usually means you're sad. More than anything in this world, Rindou hates it when you crawl inside the small room in your heart and lock the door from the inside. It’s the one place he can never reach.

He will never be there for you. Sure, you love each other, but there are places in you that he won’t ever have an access to. He is not the only one who notices the change in your mood. There’s Haruchiyo who brings you into conversation every chance he gets and smiles at you so brightly you totally find it annoying and then there’s Ran, who hasn't taken his eyes off you, since your little quarrel with Takeshi. It's a Ran, Rindou has never seen before - calm, defenceless, and so very curious. He too isn’t participating in the conversation as much as he was before. Only occasionally when he is directly addressed to would he say something, but other than that he remains silent, vigilant over you. It's as if he's afraid that if he looks away, even for a second, you might slip away from him. The sun is close enough to jump behind the horizon to wake up another part of the world when you stand up from the table. The chair screeches against the pavement as you drag it. The sound is jarring, but the entire street is bathed in gentle golden glow, and to Rindou, you look the most beautiful in this moment, even with sadness resting inside you.

"I think I'll head out. I wanted to practice for the showcase," you say, picking up your bag from the floor. Before Rindou or Haruchiyo can say anything, you wave at them. "No need to walk with me. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Neither of them protests. Both know it won't lead to anything. They give you space when you need it. Around midnight both of them will call you anyway to check if you are still at the campus studio, and if you are, they'll come to pick you up and take you home.  They'll both call you around midnight to check if you're still at the campus studio, and if you are, they'll come to pick you up and take you home.

So you bid everyone farewell, leave money on the table, and head on your way.

As Rindou watches you walk down the street, he wishes he could fall in love with you and you with him. Then, everything would be simple, and you wouldn't be sad, and tears wouldn't mar your pretty face.

But this dream will remain just that—a dream, a mere thought in his mind that will never fully bloom.

His little sacred wish.

vi.

No one is at the university, and it's not surprising. It's Sunday, and it's almost summer. Everyone has better things to do.

Even you. You could have stayed with your friends and then invited yourself over to Haru's place and watched a movie with him or maybe read a book in solemn silence, eating homemade sandwiches without cheese. There is never any cheese at his house since he is intolerant, but it doesn't bother you. Not even a little.

Or, you could have gone with Rindou to the cinema and stayed over at his apartment. He would let you take his bed and then complain about a backache the next morning. He'd promise to make Ran buy a more comfortable couch, but the next time you'll visit, it will still be that white sofa they bought at a discount from some local shop in Roppongi. You'll point it out - you always do - and Rindou will say that it's actually quite okay and he just wanted to get your attention. You'll pinch him then.

And, of course, the three of you could've crashed at your place or gone together to the studio where you would've taught them some choreography. Haruchiyo would give up first; he is really stiff when it comes to dancing. But Rindou would surprisingly be good, and you would praise him, making him really happy about it.

But you made your choice, and now you are all alone in the studio, and the sun has already set. You dwell a little bit on what made you so upset earlier, but these thoughts - ugly worms - crack open old, forgotten scars, and they bleed. You don't know how to stop them, so you blast music at full volume and dance.

Dance is your sanity, your method of salvation, and your coping strategy. You dance and dance, and you don't stop until it hurts to breathe, and only then do you collapse onto the floor. The hundreds of you in the ceiling-to-floor mirrors do the same. They smile at you and they were smiling as you were dancing, and you suppose you did too, but unfortunately you can’t remember it, and therefore, it never happened.

The door cracks open while you're lying on the floor. You don't turn around to see who it is. Somehow, you know it's him.

It's Ran.

"Is purin daifuku your favorite, or did I mess up, and you won't let me stay?"

Food as a bargain is a bit outdated. For Ran it’s even quite a bit lame. You don't buy it, not for a single second. Because Ran himself is a white lie, a spider web of confusion [in which he pulls you in].

The heavy iron door doesn't make a sound as he shuts it behind him, and you gently close your eyes. Your eyelids fall as they would if you had fallen asleep in your tiny rented apartment in Nippori. It's an act of surrender, almost as if you're giving him the reins, but you doubt he understands it, and so it's alright.

The bags in his hands rustle, and you catch a slight smell of tuna. What has he brought? And why? The second question is the most important, so that's what you ask.

"What do you want? Aoki won't come today or ever. She doesn't practice much."

"Who said I came for her?" Ran counters, and you hear him settling down next to you. You hear the bag being ripped open and try to predict his moves. It's a silly game, but you let yourself indulge in it. You imagine him taking out the food and sitting in a lotus pose to your left. Does he glance at you? Only briefly. There's nothing new or exciting for him to see.

You'll never know if you're right in your guessing game, and you're not very interested. There's no prize to it, anyway.

"You didn't?"

"No. I came to see you."

You sigh, and his indirect lie makes you take a deep breath before opening your eyes and rolling your head to the side, so you can have a good look at him. "Don't lie to me, Ran. There's no point. Just tell me what you want."

He stops whatever he was doing, and his face, so uncharacteristically gentle in this moment, shows surprise. "What would I want from you? There's literally nothing I need from you. I just came here to see you. That's all."

His words are both hurtful and pleasant. Ran Haitani is a duality of a man. He is both white and black. The absence and richness in one body.

You sigh again, this time more disappointed, and leaning your body on your palms, you sit in the same pose as Ran. He still looks at you, his gaze unwavering and searching. A question seems to be on the tip of his tongue, but his lips pressed into a thin line keep it at bay. Only when you look down, your mouth falling open, your eyes widening in awe, does he continue the task of taking the food out of the bag.

"You clearly want something. It's my favorite food. Everything here is what I like."

"So you do like purin daifuku?"

"I do." You nod, reaching out for the bag of caramel corn chips. The flavour is almond caramel, your favourite. "Did Rindou tell you to come here?"

"No. He doesn't even know I came to see you. He's staying over at Akashi's today." He takes out a pair of wooden chopsticks and shoves them your way. A plate of the finest sashimi sits between the two of you. "Stop acting like that. You make me regret coming here. Doesn't my brother spoil you?"

"It's Rindou. Of course, he does." You fall silent as you break the glued-together chopsticks into two pieces. Ran does the same. "It's just different when you do it. Until last year, I thought you didn't even know my name."

"You're being stupid, you know? Of course, I always knew your name." He shakes his head and laughs, and the insult he directed at you a moment ago doesn't feel like an insult at all. Just a little teasing, nothing more. And that’s why you don’t bite back.

Silence envelops you as you eat. No one comes to the studio, and you hear nothing other than the sound of you and Ran chewing. He doesn't speak much, only praising the food he brought and mentioning that he got the sashimi from his favourite restaurant in Roppongi. He promises to tell Rindou to take you there, and he promises to come along. You tell him that you hope he's good with promises because the sashimi is really good, and you wouldn't mind having it again.

But when, after some time, you ask him again why he's here, he merely hums and ignores the question.

"Aoki asked me about you a few weeks ago. We don't share many classes, and we aren't friends, but she knows Rindou is my best friend. So she asked me about you when she saw me." It's another silly guessing game. This time, you try to pinpoint the reason for him being there with you, and if it's not about Aoki, then you're lost. Gladly, there won't be any retributions; just as there won't be any prizes. "She told me she spoke to you at Ryou's party and that she thought you might have liked her, so she asked me to link you two because she liked you too. I told her she should come for lunch with us. She never mentioned she had a boyfriend, though. And then..."

"I liked what you said to him back at the cafe."

"Didn't you hear what I just said, Ran?"

"I did. Did you hear what I said?" On his lips is a playful smile, but his eyes are relaxed and drowsy, and he is looking at you as if seeing you for the very first time. It might be it, but you won’t ask why he saw you only now and he won’t ever say it.

"Yeah, I did. We need to clean everything up here and get going. It's probably around ten now."

He agrees, and together you collect the trash and leftover food. The unfinished snacks and greasy chopsticks go into the paper bag with the restaurant's name on it. For some reason, you fixate on it, trying to commit the name to memory, repeating it over and over in your head.

Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi.

Retreating into your thoughts won't help you, just as it never had before, and certainly not now, not with Ran, who can access every sacred part of you.

You can't hide from him. He'll find you.

"Can I come to your place? I don't want to go home to an empty apartment just yet. It's completely fine if you say no. I'll understand."

"Don't be silly, Ran. Why not? I'd be bored at home alone too."

You're always before him.

vii.

It's his first time in your apartment, yet it feels like he's been here before.

Even though he knows very well that he hasn't.

There's no recollection of your old worn-out black leather couch, mahogany table, or the floor-to-ceiling bookshelf that stands half-empty, most of the books lying on the floor near it instead of being placed on the shelves. He can't remember the two bar stools near the kitchen island, and he definitely shouldn't recognise your bedroom, the only separate room in your apartment.

And yet, he does.

The sound of water splashing across the tiles doesn't drown out your singing, and as Ran traces his fingers across every single object in your house, he listens to your voice, which somehow feels familiar to him too. Maybe it's what they call deja-vu, or perhaps it's a sense of belonging. It's peculiar and it's strange, and too difficult for him to comprehend, so he locks it in the back of his mind.

While waiting for you to come out from the shower, he occupies himself with a book that was lying on the kitchen island. It has a bookmark inside - a polaroid picture of his brother's smiling face. Rindou is being hugged from behind by you, your body looming over him. Your head is tilted down, so he can't make out your expression, but he has a hunch you were both smiling. You always smile around Rindou.

Ran has always wondered why the two of you aren't dating. He asks you just that as you're making cherry tea for both of you in the kitchen.

Before answering, you roll your eyes at him. "We don't see each other in that way. I mean… No. I can imagine dating him, but I don't see it leading us anywhere. I love Rindou too much to risk losing him, and I don't really love him in that romantic way. You know what I mean."

Love is a foreign concept to Ran, and even now that he thinks he might be in love with Aoki, he doesn't believe he understands what you mean. To him, love is love. It either exists in you or it doesn’t. You either feel it for someone or you don't. With all these ways and methods, you're just overcomplicating something that shouldn't be difficult in the first place. "What about Haru then?"

"Haru?" You place a white mug with tea in front of him. It smells really good - sweet and pleasant, somehow just like you. "We kissed once, but we were really drunk, and it was a bet. It didn't feel like anything. I doubt Haru even remembers it."

"Have you kissed Rindou then too?"

"No." As if deeply offended, you frown at Ran, then hop onto a bar stool and look to your right at the dark window, its reflection showing the compact room you're in. He might be imagining things, but he swears you're looking at him through the reflection. "I would never. Anyway, don't you want to know what else Aoki said to me about you?"

Ran licks his lips, not responding immediately. He watches you, observing your gaze fixed on the room's reflection, and takes a sip of the tea. The tea is hot and a big gulp he takes burns his throat. "This tea is delicious. Where did you get it from?" When you turn your head, and he meets your eyes - empty, sad, and meaningful - it startles him. He adds, "No, I don't want to talk about her at all."

"I'm sorry. I thought you might want to know what else she said to me." You tilt your head, offering him a smile. In this moment, you remind him of something he once lost. It's a huge relief knowing he won't ever need to search for it again. "You can stay the night if you want. You look really sleepy, Ran. It probably won't be safe for you to drive."

"Can I take a shower then?"

"Yes, and I probably have some of Rindou's sweats lying around. You can sleep in them if you'd like."

Ran chuckles, standing up. The tea is nearly finished, and his throat, still tingling from the burn, makes him aware of its warmth. "Do you have a lot of Rindou's clothes here?"

"A couple of sweatpants, t-shirts, and his contact lenses."

He nods, more to himself than to you, making a mental note  to ask his brother why he doesn't date you.

You seem like a really nice girl.

The sky is black when Ran wakes up in your bed, his arms and legs tangled in your sheets. Your scent, sweet and fresh, envelops him, and he takes a deep breath, letting the air stay in his lungs for as long as he can. He prefers his own bed with its silky appearance and soft mattress, but yours isn’t half as bad. He doesn’t regret staying.

You aren't beside him as you promised you'd be in a few hours after reading your book. You said you didn't mind sharing the same bed. You said you and Rindou always shared the bed when necessary.

You said, you said, you said.

To him, it doesn't matter much where you'd sleep – in your bed or on that monstrosity of a sofa. What matters, and stings, is that you said you would come, and you still aren't here. His eyes barely open as he shifts and turns to the right, spotting a small patch of light coming from the living room [which isn't just a living room but also a kitchen and a hallway].

Peeling the creamy comforter off himself, Ran yawns and gets up. His body, still warm from sleep, stiffens immediately when met with the cool air. The window in the room is open, and he swears under his breath, not recalling whether it was him who didn't close it or you who opened it after he fell asleep.

His feet on the wooden floor, he takes one step and then another, and soon you are before him. You stir a bit, as if annoyed by his presence, your fingers clutching the book tighter as if afraid it might be snatched away from you. Your sudden hostility doesn't deter him, and he rubs his eyes as he mumbles, his voice deep and groggy, "What time is it?"

The night is deep and dark when he notices your glossy eyes and wet cheeks. The reflection on the window, one he got used to, isn't there anymore. Only an eternal void, an absence of everything. You once told him you like black and white because they aren't really colours, because it was like they don’t even exist. He didn't retort back then, but now he knows better than that.

Black and white are the brightest, and you exist in them.

"What's wrong?" Ran suppresses another yawn. Sleep still lingers on the tip of his tongue, in the corners of his mind.

As expected, you don't say anything. You're like a statue of melted ugly wax, yet to Ran, you're incredibly beautiful.

He needs to know what upset you. [So it won’t ever again].

"Is the book sad?" he asks, sitting on the floor next to your bare legs.

"No, it's not," you whisper, closing your eyes. More tears escape, and Ran catches them with his outstretched palm. Your quivering lips and salty cheeks make you look too innocent between his hands. "I think I made it sad."

"You made it sad? How?"

"Because it's a nice book about people living their lives and being happy. But all I could think about was how mundane and ordinary it was, and I couldn't understand why they were so happy. Then I thought that I, too, lead the same life. It's a never-ending cycle of the same things." A sob tears away from your chest and comes alive. Ran's heart breaks a little. He doesn't know why. He doesn't have time to ponder why. "Ran. Am I thinking too much into it?"

"I don't think so. No." He shakes his head and, with the last wipe of his fingers across your cheeks, stands up. "Not really. But I don't think your life is all that ordinary."

"You don't think so?" You sound expectant and hopeful. His heart cracks a bit more.

"I don't think so." Gently, he takes the book from you and slips his hand into yours. Your hand is cold. "You're studying to be a professional dancer, Rin is your best friend, and that 'red guy' is almost a celebrity. And now you're going to sleep in the same bed with your best friend's brother. Now, tell me, how is this an ordinary life?"

This makes you laugh. The ice is melting, and the darkness recedes.

Soon, it will be dawn.

He helps you stand up, holding you by your hands, and together you return to the bedroom. He lets you take the side of the bed closest to the wall. You hesitate for a moment, but then you slip under the creamy blanket, your head and body disappearing beneath it. Now it's his turn to laugh. You remind him of Rindou. He used to do the same thing when he was little, back when they were poor and lived in their old apartment, sharing a bed because that and the broken table was all they had.

The memory itself isn't bad, but it's sad, and the nostalgia it carries isn't to Ran's taste. Your sheets still hold his warmth, providing a welcoming feeling. He tugs at the comforter and lifts it off you. "Don't hide. Wanna see you."

"Do you often sleep with girls?" Your cheeks are tear stained and they shine under the forgotten light of the lamp still on in the living room.

Ran turns, lying on his side to face you. Your hot breath grazes his mouth, carrying scents of cherry tea and summer and something salty. "Are you asking about sleeping as in sex, or sleeping as in just sharing a bed?"

"Sleeping as in just sharing a bed. Like what we're doing now."

He doesn't notice you reaching out to undo his braids and when he finally does, he stops breathing, taken aback by the unexpected yet pleasant sensation. He lets you continue, because, contrary to what he might expect, it feels good – almost caring – like someone finally cared enough to untie his long hair so his head wouldn't hurt in the morning.

"You'll be the first," he breathes out, his eyes half-closed as he watches your fingers dance through his hair. If not for the complete silence that reigns in your apartment, you probably wouldn't hear his words at all.

But he's mistaken, and you prove him wrong. "In moments like this, doesn't it feel like we're the only people in the world? Like it's just us and this apartment, and nothing more?"

"It does." He easily agrees.

You hum in response and he can sense that you are far far away from him, already hopping on to your next thought, pondering over something that he doesn’t understand or maybe doesn’t want to. He wants to bring you back to him, so he nuzzles into the crook of your neck, his nose grazing your sensitive skin, and your goosebumps become his. He smiles, leaving traces of his happiness – ordinary or not – on you, and you return to the real world, freed from the constraints of your mind.

"Good night, Ran. I'll make us breakfast in the morning."

"And I'll take you out for coffee after breakfast."

"Thank you."

He wants to ask what for, but the sky will soon turn blue and he doesn’t want that. He wants this night to carry on forever.

With his arms around your waist, he falls asleep.

viii.

"Hey, Rin, I've got a question, but promise me you won't get mad."

The black sports bag sitting on the unmade bed contains sneakers, two t-shirts, sweats, and a large white towel. In fifteen minutes, he should be out of the house to catch the bus to the gym and meet up with Kakucho on time. Missing the bus would mean being half an hour late. Kakucho, of course, will wait for him, but then later today he promised you he’ll take you out for ice-cream.

Unlike Kakucho, however, you wouldn't wait, and to pick you up from the dance studio on campus without delay, he couldn't afford to miss the bus that would take him to the gym.

Ten more minutes. He needs to put on his shoes.

"So?"

In the doorway to his room, leaning against the doorframe, stands Ran. He's not wearing a t-shirt, and his hair is disheveled, with a sleepy look on his annoyingly handsome face. He probably just woke up.

"What do you want?" Rindou doesn't mean to be rude, but he's in a rush, and Ran has a tendency to take his sweet time with everything.

"I told you. I have a question for you."

"Yeah? I'm listening."

Rindou zips up the bag and strides over to his brother, heading straight for the door. He grabs a pair of blue Adidas and sits on the floor to put them on. Ran follows closely behind him.

"It's about your best friend."

"What about her?" The bus, the gym, and Kakucho are forgotten. Rindou tenses up. Everything that comes out of Ran's mouth is tainted. He stares at the laces on his sneakers, hands momentarily frozen. "What do you want to know?" “Do you like her?” “Why?” Finally, Rindou raises his head up. Ran towers over him. Hands locked on his chest. Not an ounce of usual laziness in his curious waiting eyes.

"Just curious. You seem close, and she's a really nice girl. Why haven't you two started dating?"

Five more minutes. If he’d be late, you’ll mask your sadness by your anger, and the world will turn bitter.

The best option right now would be to lie to Ran. To say, I'm sorry, I'll be late. We'll talk about it later. To come up with some nonsensical excuse and make him believe it. To protect you.

Rindou does nothing of that. He sees his brother's expectant face and takes a deep breath, knowing that he'll tell the truth. He holds out his hand, and Ran reaches out to him, allowing Rindou to steady himself, pulling him to his feet.

"I wish I liked her, but I love her. And love is never simple, is it? We're better off as friends. I care about her too much to risk spoiling our friendship."

"Oh, I see." An appreciative, contented hum escapes Ran's thin lips. "Maybe you're just… Anyway, forget I asked anything. Are you going to the gym? Tell Kaku I said hello."

Maybe you just... what? But Rindou doesn't ask. He nods, waves at his brother, and with his gym bag in hand, rushes out of the house. Down the stairs and onto the street.

He watches the bus pass by a few meters away from the bus stop.

ix.

The cigarette between your fingers carries the scent of tobacco and vanilla.

You hate smoking and yet you bring the cigarette to your lips and inhale the bitter sweetness into your lungs. It awakens your cloudy mind and burns your body from the inside. You are a room full of pale smoke and hate it all you want, there’s nothing you can really do about this nasty habit of yours.

You hate dancing too and yet you dance every single day. That’s the irony of it all, you think. Being doomed to doing what you hate for the rest of your life. Making it your legacy and descending into the abyss of eternity with it.

You despise dancing at parties, yet you find yourself dancing every single day anyway. The irony isn't lost on you. Being trapped in doing something you detest for the rest of your life. Making it your legacy and descending into the abyss of eternity with it.

The music has turned down, but your head still throbs with every thought. It's painful, but this particular hurt feels borderline nice and relaxing. Almost like returning home after a long day of dance practice – utterly exhausted, yet content. You hum along to the rhythm, shifting in the corner of a bright red velvet sofa. You can't recall whose house you're in right now; it was one of Haruchiyo's friends, but he has too many for you to remember them all.

"Care to explain why the eldest Haitani can't take his eyes off you today?" Talk of the devil, and he is sure to appear. Even though Haruchiyo is more like an angel. With his sweet pink hair and easy smile, he settles on the back of the sofa, leaning against you. His voice sounds as soothing as a cat's purr. "Girls are furious with you. Overheard a few of them calling you names."

You don’t need to turn around and see his bloodshot eyes to know that he is high. Rindou, who's not in sight, is probably stoned as well. They often smoke together, and if you hadn't been late today, you might have joined them. But you're not, and it leaves you feeling incredibly sad. You hate being sober when they are not.

"Don't be silly, Haru." You extinguish the cigarette in a handcrafted clay ashtray, the color an unappealing cheap purple. Oddly, you want to take it home.

"I'm not being silly!" He whines, making an irrational turn before finally settling on the sofa next to you. Under his weight it sinks down. Suddenly, the apartment feels aged. "He's been staring at you since you arrived, and I actually spotted you two on campus the other day. What's happening between you?"

"Nothing. What could be happening between me and Ran?"

In the adjacent room – the kitchen – a bottle crashes to the ground and shatters, followed by a cacophony of loud noises. A few girls scream, their high-pitched voices drowning out the electronic music. Haruchiyo pays no attention to this minor disturbance. He slips his hand into yours, intertwining your fingers, and rests his head on your shoulder. Despite his inebriation from weed and alcohol, he smells pleasant.

"Dunno. I just wanted to warn ya to be careful, and Rin's been suspicious too.  Says Ran’s been weird about you lately."

"Oh."

People come and go, and you follow them with weary eyes, attempting to deduce how much they've had to drink or their field of study based on their attire. A silly little game to distract yourself.

You want to go home, but you can't bring yourself to leave.

"He's just hung out at my place a few times. Maybe more. And we've been hanging out, spending some time alone together. Just the two of us." You finally admit, and when Haruchiyo doesn't stop playing with your fingers, nor does he falter, you know he won't judge you.

He is your safe haven.

"Did you fuck?"

"Oh my god, Haru! No." You exclaim, and he erupts in laughter. His joyful chuckles spread happiness throughout your being.

"Rin's older brother is quite the catch. I wouldn't blame you if you did fuck him. If I were you, I definitely would've." Haruchiyo yelps when you pinch him, but then he grabs the hand you attacked him with and edges closer to you. His gray eyes soften as they meet yours. "I won't tell Rin. Don't worry."

Moments like this make you forget all the hatred, and you come to appreciate cigarettes, smoking, dancing, plum cakes, ironies, hot days, and the bitter aftermath. Most of all, you love Haru and his gentle nature. You kiss him on the nose, a small peck, an offering of lost affection. His face lights up with smiles, his cheeks flushed with either alcohol, humidity, or simply your presence.

"You're the best, Haru," you whisper to him, and he nods in response. He never accepts compliments easily. Then you add, "Let's go find Rindou. I miss him."

In the end, you don't get up from the sofa, and it's Rindou who eventually discovers you both in each other's arms.

x.

The air in the small ramen shop near Waseda University is heavy with the scent of pork broth, and Ran wrinkles his nose in disgust.

"Don't make such a face. This place has the best ramen in Shinjuku."  The machine with different water stained stickers makes a loud noise and the automat lady says something incomprehensible. Shion turns around and with a happy face shoves tickets into Ran’s chest. "I’ve gotta go take a leak or I’m pissing myself right here.”

Before Shion disappears behind a grey curtain that Ran thinks was originally white, he turns back briefly. "Kakucho should be here in about five minutes. Let him know I've already paid."

Generosity isn't exactly Shion's strong suit, but today he'd received a perfect score on one of his projects and wanted to celebrate with his favourite ramen and favourite people – or so he claimed. Ran doubted this particular ramen shop was truly Shion's favourite, but since he had said it was the best in Shinjuku and Ran was too tired to drive somewhere else, they'd settled on staying nearby. As for the sentiment, it probably wasn't genuine either.

The interior isn't crowded. A few waitresses – pretty young girls around Ran's age – and an elderly man engrossed in his newspaper occupy the space. There's a half-empty glass on his table with cloudy yellow liquid; obviously sake. Ran ponders whether he's ever drunk this early in the day, but he can't recall such a memory. He's chosen to keep a clear mind since he and Rindou have been on their own.

You never know what might happen next. And that's something Ran dislikes about life. He prefers to be in control, but with how things flow you can never be. Nothing depends solely on you.

So when the door opens, and you enter the ramen shop with Kakucho and a short girl who strongly resembles your best friend – yours and Rindou's red-haired companion – Ran's throat tightens. Conflicting emotions surge within him. On one hand, he's genuinely thrilled to see you here. When you both woke up in your apartment this morning – where he had stayed the night, once again – he hadn't had the time to take you out for coffee, and this deviation from your usual post-sleepover routine had left an aching void in his chest. [Rindou would probably say he's being overly dramatic, but fortunately, Rindou will never be privy to this particular struggle.] On the other hand, he wishes you weren't here, in this damned cramped space, where everything smells a little bit too much.

He can already envision loving stares Shion will cast upon you, and he hates it so much he wishes you'd disappear. And he wants you to stay. He wants you to consciously choose a seat next to him and he wants you to talk only to him and don’t spare a glance for anyone else.

He wants you.

The revelation dawns on him suddenly, and his eyes widen. He's surprised, and there's sadness and anger swirling within him. His heart is tender, though, as you lift your head and grace him with a small smile. He nearly forgets where he is.

"You didn't tell me Ran was here. You said we were coming to see your friends." If not for the playful undertone in your voice, someone might think you were chastising Kakucho.

"You two know each other?"

You scoff, offering Ran an amused glance. "Of course we do."

"How would she know you but not me? I should be the one surprised that you two know each other."

An unexpected edge tinges Kakucho, and he frowns, subsiding. The girl beside him bites her lip, a reproachful look in her eyes, and mumbles something Ran thankfully can't hear. But you, you smile broadly and settle into the seat next to him [just as he wanted you to]. You toss your bag at your feet and place your hand on his thigh. "I actually agree with Ran. It'd be strange for me to know you and not him. Do you know how much Rindou complains to me about him?"

Your teasing stings, and Ran rolls his eyes, playfully pinching you on the soft skin near your thumb. You squint, gritting your teeth, and he quickly presses his fingers over the irritated area, soothing the discomfort he caused. "Sorry. Didn't mean to be so harsh."

"You're insufferable. If I'd known you were here, I would've turned down Kakucho's invitation to come."

This hurts. Even as a joke it does and Ran releases your hand with a flick. "You're such a liar, ba…" A sudden cough interrupts him from adding a pet name and he frowns, turning his head to its source. It turns out to be the short blonde girl – the one he momentarily forgot was present.

"Akashi Senju," she says, offering him a small hand. "I'm her friend and Haruchiyo's sister."

"Senju also studies at Waseda, just like you. She's a first-year student," you add, grinning at your friend. "Anyway, aren't you hungry? You said you were starving."

The second you stand from your chair, Ran's mood darkens. He stares at your back, noting that you've changed since the morning, now wearing different jeans. He prefers the ones you had on earlier. These are a bit too low-rise for his taste, and the color doesn't sit right with him either. Did you practice at the studio and change into a new outfit? Or perhaps you came back home after your morning class and specifically changed for your meeting with Akashi?

"Don't bother asking me anything. I'm not in the mood," Ran says, noticing Kakucho's smug expression. "Oh, and Shion has paid for your ramen. Don't order anything."

"I wasn't planning to."

To what Kakucho is referring is a mystery Ran won’t entertain himself solving. For now, he has another thing to settle and that thing is his own melting heart.

He knocks on your door that same evening after dropping you out just hours before. The ride home from the ramen shop was silent for most part and your home was the first stop. He didn’t say goodbye as you silently closed the door wishing to see everyone soon again. And he didn't allow himself a pleasure of a biting remark – one that had been simmering on his tongue since Shion let out an unnecessary whistle upon meeting you – to slip and pierce through his friend. 

Both boys and the Akashi girl had asked to be dropped off at Nakano Station, which was relatively close to your apartment. Ran hadn't argued and hadn't offered anything in response. He is a mess and all he needs to calm down is you and your annoyingly good cherry tea. You made it every single time he was over.

So when he knocks on your door carrying two bags with a chicken logo – from a small restaurant he spotted on his way back that claimed to serve the best karaage – and a box full of glazed donuts from an American coffeehouse chain, he hopes you'll allow him another cup of tea.

"I knew you'd come," you say, stepping aside to let him in. "What did you bring? Oh! I love that place! Give me that, and go sit down. I'll grab the plates and everything."

But he doesn't sit. He follows you into the kitchen, observing as you tear into the bags, too impatient to untie knots. He smiles at your little quirks and habits. By now, he believes he knows you well. All the small details, bumps and preferences that are arranged in such a way, they make you. You are a thousand myriads of memories, of happiness and of never ending dark night and he wants to conquer every single one.

He wants you.

When you reach for two plates, he steps closer and wraps his arms around you, his hands over yours, he guides them to your chest. In this close proximity, he can smell the lingering fragrance of your shower gel and soap on your skin. He traces his lips over the damp skin of your neck, planting a soft kiss just under your ear.

"Were you planning on going out today?" he asks, not moving a single centimetre away. "You smell so good."

"No. I told you I knew you'd drop by, so I took a shower earlier. You always look so bored when I leave you alone while I'm showering."

He smiles into your skin and playfully nips it, licking the pain away immediately. He wants you, and he wants you to know it. He wants everyone else to know that you're wanted by him too. A purple mark blooms on your skin, and you tremble, your hands gripping his arms.

"Why are you so good to me? For me," he leans his head on yours and kisses the crown of your head, pulling you even closer to him. 

"Ran."

"Tell me."

You wait a second. Two. Three. More. Your breath quickens and he feels your heart pounding against his own, and he closes his eyes in an attempt to steady himself, to find some stability amidst the chaos that is you.

Somehow, he senses that whatever you're about to say won't be pleasant, which is perhaps why he doesn't rush you or urge you to continue. Instead, he litters your head and neck with kisses, communicating his love.

"You don't really like me, Ran, do you? You like Aoki."

Your  fingers are entwined with his, and he can't recall who initiated it. You or him.

"Bullshit. I barely remember her most days until you bring her up. Just what did she tell you? We never had anything going on."

"Maybe. But you don't like me. You like her, and that's why we shouldn't."

His kisses come to a halt. He gently turns you around to face him, searching your face. You don't appear sad or disappointed or disheartened. Maybe a little flustered and your eyes shine a different way. He cups your face in his hands, his thumbs caressing your cheeks.

"Bullshit."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You're a terrible liar, Ran."

He scoffs. "I'm not. I am a good liar, but I am not lying to you when I say I want you. I need you. You are the one for me." "Then can we agree on one thing, Ran?" You take the hair ties out of his braids, your fingers deftly working to undo them.

"Anything you want."

"If we do this, can we agree not to kiss? At least until you figure out how you truly feel about me."

"That's ridiculous. What else? Should I take you from behind so we don't have to see each other's faces?" He is irritated, but not mad. Yet.

"Don't be crude. No, I just don't want to kiss you when you have feelings for someone else. I don't want to get too attached. I don’t kiss people without feelings." Your hands run through his hair, and he melts into the sensation. You're his solace, his sanctuary. He can't understand how you fail to see that.

"Please, Ran. It's more for me than for you, and I'm sorry."

He sighs, his thumb brushing over your lips. He had been looking forward to kissing you. Ran loves to kiss. But patience is often rewarded, right? Or something along those lines. It doesn't matter.

One day, he's sure he'll get to kiss you. He knows it.

"It's stupid, but alright. I'll kiss you when I'm certain I love you," he says, pressing his lips to the soft skin of your forehead. "I don't understand why I can't kiss you now, though, but anything for you. If it will make you feel better then okay.”

I'll do anything for you.

Damp beige sheets are scattered in the corner of the room near the door. The entire space is filled with the scent of sex and the nighttime city, and Ran never wants to leave. He feels at home.

His grey t-shirt you are wearing stands out on the clean black sheets you spread out a little before. You're lying on the bed with your limbs stretched out, your body still sensitive and trembling. The pose reminds him of starfish, and he bites back a laugh, his eyes twinkling with delight.

"Ran!" You roll your head to the side, propping yourself up and adjusting the pillow on the headboard to make yourself comfortable. You do the same for him, and his heart swells, yet again, for what feels like the millionth time and beyond this evening. "Are you laughing at me?"

"No. Why would I?" He places two bowls of karaage and rice – one for each of you – on the bed and slides under the blanket. Your bare thigh brushes against his hip. He isn’t wearing much. Just his boxers. And if he isn’t mistaken you too aren’t wearing anything except for his t-shirt.

“Don't know. You were just all smiles when I turned my head.”

He doesn’t grace you with a response, because just for this once he wants you to find the answer yourself. He wants you to read it in the depths of his eyes, in the creases that form beneath them, and in the glow of his lips. Lips you didn't get to kiss today. The chicken and rice are cold, but the food is still good and he has been starving ever since he got up from the bed and took you to the shower. You had been hazy and sensitive, his cum on your thighs and belly, and when the water was hitting your body it seemed like it was hurting you more than bringing you relief. He asked you if it was true, but you just nudged him closer, holding him close with your arms tightly wrapped around his waist. He'd carefully washed you clean.

"What's on your mind, Ran?" you ask, your chopsticks poised between your fingers. "Oh, wait, don't tell me. Let me guess."

As you contemplate your guess, your eyes scrutinize his face, and he notices  every small change it makes.. How your lips quiver after you lick them clean. How your eyes narrow as you attempt to focus on him. How you fidget with the wooden chopsticks, transferring them from one hand to the other. How you look flushed and innocent and so incredibly young and beautiful. How you now forever have him as a part of you. 

You sigh, your shoulders rising and falling gently. Your bowl is only half-empty, and he guesses that you probably aren’t the type to get hungry after sex. "Are you thinking about sex? Or maybe Rindou? Oh, no, wait! Maybe you're craving that dessert you love. What was it called? Rindou once made me get it for you because he said you were mad at him and it was the only thing that could save his life."

"How do Rin, sex, and my favorite dessert all fit together?" Ran sets his now-empty bowl aside and takes yours, which you kindly offer him to finish. "It doesn't really make sense."

"Your expression. You looked like you were thinking about something you really eally love."

So fucking innocently curious. So naively observant. So so so. Ran tries to grab what arises in his chest and what burns his throat, but he can’t, so he swallows and reaches out for you instead. Nestled in his arms, you fit perfectly, and he nuzzles his nose in your neck, which now carries the scent of him. He's never shared this level of intimacy with the girls he's been with before, but with you, it's different. With you, he can sense his imprints all over your body, just as he knows you've marked yourself onto him.

"Could you make me some of that cherry tea in the morning?" he murmurs into your skin. He senses a slight flinch as you're tickled, and to make amends, he places a soft little kiss there.

Your embrace tightens around him. "Were you thinking about my cherry tea?"

"Well, if you put it that way... yeah, I guess I was. Will you make it for me when we wake up?"

In this moment, in your bed, bodies entwined under warm blankets, Ran lies to you for the first time. And you both understand he's doing so. You both know he wasn't really thinking about cherry tea, but rather you.

And yet, no matter how terrifying it is, you comply, you choose to believe him and say, "Yeah, I will. Of course I will."

xi.

Rindou has a suspicion you are hiding something from him and he is determined to find out what. He is all in for secrets and mysteries, but not from you. When it comes to you he is greedy and he wants to know everything. So if you get hurt he will know whom to punch and what words to say to make the wound they inflicted upon you sting less.

Rindou, who has always been protected by Ran, loves to be protective of you. It’s a self-assigned role of a big brother he never was to anyone that he cherishes too much. But no matter how many times he has hinted - too bluntly - for you to pour your heart out to him, you simply don’t say what he wants to hear. He gets desperate and when one day he is high with Sanzu in his apartment, he asks him if he noticed it too. Your strange behaviour and how lately you’ve been smelling different. Like something too familiar and close to him.

In his typical manner, Sanzu laughs it off. He promises Rindou that there’s nothing to worry about, cause if you’d wanted to tell them you would’ve. And if not, then you will tell them later. You all are best friends and you will be so until the end of your days. A little trust, Rin, never hurt anybody.

There’s nothing left for him, but to agree, and yet the smell on your skin stays and in the next days all Rindou can is to get familiar with it since now it’s part of you.

The rumours that you slept with a college professor for the main stage in the showcase spreads around not so long after.

Rindou punches a guy who he overhears saying it in the cafeteria and almost gets detention for breaking university’s principles. But it doesn’t stop him from beating that guy up again. This time he is smarter. He does it outside of the school.

Knuckles bloody and torn he feels alive.

He isn’t that much surprised when he finds out it was Aoki who started this nasty lie about you.

After all, you’ve always been rivals.

“That was stupid, Rin.” You murmur sitting on the floor of their apartment. His hand rests in yours, a warm dead weight. The cotton ball soaked with vodka - they didn’t have any first aid kit at home - glides across his scraped skin. Despite you speaking gently, your movements are precise and harsh. You obviously are a bit mad or maybe sad and worried. “You know I don’t care what they say.” The alcohol stings his skin more than your words. He closes his eyes. “But I do. I can’t just brush it off if they call my best friend a whore right to my face.” 

“He didn’t see you,” you observe, quickly glancing at him, before returning to your task. 

“What a pity.” “Will he live?” you tear the gauze in two and wrap it around Rindou’s knuckles tying in with a pretty bow. He thinks it’s a bit excessive and he doesn’t really need something to cover up the wound, but he lets you tend to him. He likes it a bit too much to deny it. 

The water in the bathroom stops running and for a second it’s eerily quiet in the apartment. The only noise comes from honking cars - might be someone parking for too long - and people loudly laughing right under their building - might be a student couple that rents a flat above Haitani’s. Life never stops even when it stills for you. The world is wheeling around and around and around.

"What's with the hospital? What happened?" Veiled by his thoughts Rindou doesn’t notice his brother coming out of the bathroom. With Ran beside you looking at his hands, the world speeds up; Rindou subconsciousness suffers. “Hey, Rin! What happened?”

Without your permission he can’t tell the truth. He won’t dare to spill that ugly rumour about you and he won’t - everything inside him riot against this nasty lie - even say it outloud if you don’t want him to. Even to his brother. 

Rindou’s loyalty is his doom. “Rindou fought the guy who he caught saying I slept with mister Okamoto for the main role in the showcase.” There’s not a hinge of bitterness or resentment in you as you answer Ran’s question. 

Rindou wants to smack you.  He wants you to be more serious about yourself. He hates that you aren’t and he is surprised when Ran is. 

“Why would someone say that about you?” 

“Jealousy, I guess. It’s going to be the second year I am the lead.” You stand up from the floor and take the open bottle of vodka along with the remaining gauze and cotton balls to the kitchen. “Honestly, Ran, it’s just a stupid rumour. Why even bother? People are gonna talk anyway.”

“No. If we’ll make them, they won’t,” Ran retorts, going after you and Rindou can’t help, but turn around and peek out from the corner to get a better view. “Don’t roll your eyes at me. I am being serious. Don’t let them come at you for something you didn’t do.”

“Yeah. You worked hard to be the lead. Don’t let them take it away from you.”

The simple truth is the hardest to swallow, and you almost crumble under its pressure. It's obvious to Rindou that you didn't like what the wind was carrying around the university's halls. Maybe it really didn't bother you that much, but it still soured your sweet success. He wished he could've helped before blood needed to be spilled. Because now, Rindou isn't sure if his warmth and care can make you feel better. What is left for you is to wrap his hands in gauzes and share the warmth of your existence.

And so he raises to his feet, to catch you one more time, to not let tears stain your cheeks and your heart.

“Oh, no, no.” It’s Ran. He reaches for your face and cups your cheeks between his palms, his big fingers erasing fat tears from your skin. He coos at you, eyes searching for you. “You know what? I don’t want to see you cry, and I bet Rin doesn’t want to see you cry either. But it’s okay if you want to. I won’t stop you. So cry all you want, and then I’ll take you to that restaurant I told you about. Alright? I am going to blow dry my hair, and we are good to go. Okay?”

Frozen, near the kitchen countertop stands Rindou. He takes his glasses off and wipes them with the hem of his shirt. He doesn’t dare to look at you, and besides, he isn’t even sure if he will see you. Your presence isn’t for him, and maybe it never was. Maybe he was never that important in your life; only a connecting chain to something bigger than him.

He can’t find you.

“I am sorry,” you whisper when Ran is gone to his room and your eyes are almost dry.

Rindou frowns. There’s no reason for you to apologize to him, and yet he leans into you, his forehead burrowing at your shoulder. “Whatever you say or do is okay. Remember? We accept each other as we are. You don’t have to pretend to be someone else around me.”

“I love you, Rindou.” Again, it’s a whisper, a small meaningful promise. “I love you so so much.”

“I know.” He laughs, suddenly uncomfortable and very shy. That new foreign smell of yours hits his nose and Rindou inhales it fully, filling his lungs with it and a realisation comes at him so simple, he thinks he knew it from the beginning. The shock he imagined he would go through isn’t here. Nothing is. Just acceptance and your detachedness in which he loses himself. You smell like his brother. Like Ran. You’ve been for a while. He wraps his arms around your waist and holds you closer. His hands don't hurt him anymore. 

xii.

His fingers are warm on the gentle skin of your hips, and every little caress feels like millions of kisses planted straight to your heart.

Girls in your university and mutual friends through Rindou who slept with Ran had the tendency to discuss him in bed, and besides claiming that he always knew what he was doing and how he should do it, they always mentioned him being exceptionally rough. He never stayed at your place for a night, never brought you to his apartment in Roppongi (everyone assumed it was their mutual agreement with Rindou), and never slept with the same girl twice. Never. Never. Never. There were too many rules and details for you to remember. Laying under him on his bed in his room you would swear they all were liars.

Running your fingers through his long hair and combing them behind his ears so they won’t tickle you falling onto your face, you moan from the burning pleasure that never left you from the moment Ran declared he wanted you.

Slow, but powerful rolls of his hips catch you off guard - they always do - and you tug at his hair a bit too harshly. His face comes closer to yours and your naked chest touches his, he brushes against your hard nipples, and with pure curiosity and pleasure watches you close your eyes, back detaching your body from the damp sheets. It’s like you want to be closer to him. Like you run into his arms; into him.

[He accepts you.] He welcomes you.

The exposed marked skin of your neck comes into his vision and he leans down to kiss you there. Mark it again. Purple on purple. More purple. You and him are the same colour. 

His breathy whispers burn like holy oil. Something sacred that was never meant to be shared with anyone else. “So good for me, baby. Always good. It’s you. Only you for me. Right, baby? I am yours. Oh God, I am yours, baby.”

More confessions. More promises. More spilled love.

With you Ran is always tender. He always eats you out - despite you not wanting to, since you say it’s like a kiss, too intimate - and he always stretches you before he puts his cock inside you so it won’t hurt you. He always listens to your needs, without you voicing them out even once. And after you are done you both eat and talk and laugh, and then go at it again. 

After the fifth time you are sure that Ran Haitani never fucked you, but made love to you. And it was not in the tempo or poses he had you in or where you had sex or if he initiated it or you or how many times you both finished or many other stupid reasons. No. It was in his touches, his words, his smiles, his laughs, his gestures, his eyes and how soft they were right after or sometimes in the moment.

It was in his being and how you both felt around each other. 

Today, when Ran cums, your lower part warm with it, he crushes you with his body. You stroke his toned shoulders and back. It’s not just his hair that gets your attention. It’s every part of his body. You love to please him too. His breath is hot against your ear shell, and you squirm, grazing your nails against his tattooed skin. He winces, but laughs, detaching himself from you.

“I am so spent,” he confesses, yawning and you giggle at this natural confirmation from his body. “Do you wanna take a nap? We can order something later or go out. I wouldn’t mind having shabu-shabu. Whatcha think?”

You bite your lip, pretending to consider his offer, when in reality you already know you’ll agree and now you are just taking him in. Ran is very beautiful. Womanly pretty.

"Yeah, okay. Sounds good."

Before Ran rolls to his side, he kisses you in the corner of your lips and then up your face to your brows. Never on your lips. Because you asked and he promised. Genuine content smile brightens up your drown in pleasure face.

"You know," he muses, "I like your red-haired friend more now."

You laugh, immediately understanding what he meant by that and as if the sound of your laugh is an alarm for his need to be close to you, Ran shifts closer to you, bringing you too, flash against his naked body. Skin to skin.

"His hair is pink, and his name is Haruchiyo. But you always say his hair is red. It's kind of funny," you murmur, closing your eyes. Your body is too sensitive for you to move much without feeling the never ending hunger for Ran, but you still do and you gasp, your palms gripping onto his shoulders. 

He smirks and lets you nuzzle your head in the crook of his neck. You kiss him there.

"Yeah, Haruchiyo. Next time, I'll pay him myself to take Rin to Hakone. For a whole week. Anyway, let's sleep. I want to make you feel good again when we wake up. Do you want me to wake you up with my fingers or my mouth? You seem like you need it. You are so fucking sensitive everytime we have sex. It’s like I am your first and you never had decent co…”

"Rude, Haitani," you slap his back. Gently. "So rude."

Silence settles over the room and your breaths even out. You think he has fallen asleep. His chest rising up and down. His body is warm and solid and heavy next to yours. Your fingers continue their dance across his nape.

"But you still like me, right? Rude or not?" He asks, his voice a bit clearer than before, and you know that he has been thinking about this all this time.

Without a delay or hesitation, you speak. "Yes, I do. Rude or not."

Again, he doesn’t reply back and after an unknown amount of lost time, you understand that he indeed has fallen asleep. You follow him right after, thinking that maybe his question was more serious than you initially thought it was.

xiii.

The plans for Rindou’s surprise birthday party were made in advance in the kitchen of your apartment.

For the first time in four years that you’ve become a part of Rindou’s life, Ran lets you both - you and Haruchiyo - to play a part in the arranging of the birthday party for his brother. He does it because of you, of course. Another reason is knowing that Rindou will be very pleased and happy. Unlike Ran, Rindou likes surprises. It was your idea to veil every little preparation, location and guest list with exciting secrecy. Both boys [under an insane amount of pressure] promised you to not even speak of the upcoming birthday to Rindou. Let alone spill any details or hints about the party. 

Just a few days before it Haruchiyo however sitting in the cafeteria accidentally mentioned to Rindou that the colour of banana milk reminded him of kitchen countertops in the house Ran rented for the surprise party. He was saying it with a huge smile on his face that quickly faded when he realised what he said. You - who obviously had a huge soft stop for Haruchiyo - didn’t even get mad at him. You all laughed it off and Rindou asked no questions, appreciating your efforts. 

"Can you believe it?" Happy Birthday Rindou garland shimmers in your hands. You tape the second end of it to the wall and lean back, looking at it, trying to see if it’s even. It’s the fifth time now and Ran slowly loses his patience. He doubts Rindou would notice if it declines for one degree. “I thought you would be the one who would uncover us.”

The ladder echoes a clunking sound as you come down. You fall right into Ran’s arms who were steading it for you the whole time, hands gripping the metal so you didn’t fall. He is surprised. “Me? Why? You know I am actually good at keeping secrets.”

“I know you are.” Hands on your chest, you squint at the wall, overlooking the garland. Your expression is hard and serious and no matter how much Ran tries to decipher it he can’t. Silently, he prays you won’t readjust it yet again. He is getting tired and he still needs to fill the fridge with beers and what else alcohol he bought. There were also snacks and fairy lights to be taken care of. At least, all the vases and unnecessary fragile decorations were already sitting in the storage. 

“Does it look good?” Ran asks, hopefully. “To me it seems fine. From where I stand. But it seemed fine the second time too. Maybe you just should draw a huge line with a pencil on the wall so you could see where you should hang it. Or you know what? Rindou will be fine without garland. He’ll live. It’s not like he knows we were gonna hang it.”

The silence on your end is scaring him. Is this stupid garland really so uneven? He steps in front of you and scrutinizes the wall. Everything is perfect. The colorful "Happy Birthday Rindou" written on the beige wall looks fine; the tape is not visible and every letter is as neat as it could be. When the silence stretches, he groans and grabs hold of the ladder. The metal is warm under his palms from how long he has been holding it.

“Ran.” He feels your lovely hands and you pressed to him before he registers you calling his name. All frustration and tiredness are exterminated from him, thrown out of the window the second you open your mouth.

"Mhm?"

The softness of your body melts into his existence and he cranes his neck at the angle where he can see you.

Your eyes are already waiting for him and he is met with so much tenderness and endearment and fondness he resists the urge to kiss you and it’s the worst fight he’s ever been into.

His body is bruised and ugly. He is losing.

“The garland is fine.”

“Is it?” The sudden eagerness in his voice makes you giggle. He giggles with you. “I expect the same garland for my birthday. You’ve got to put Rin through the same shit as me.”

“Do you want us to rent you a house too?”

He hums, thinking of an answer. His fingers slip between yours. “Yeah. Two floors, and I want the backyard facing the ocean. A pool is a must, too. Oh! And the guest list? I’ll make it myself. Rin would invite people I dislike just to annoy me.”

“Deal.” A wet touch of your lips encourages shivers. His eyelids tremble as he closes his eyes, losing himself in your affection. You press another kiss under his ear and then on his jaw, only to move to his cheeks, and then to the corner of his lips.

His only instinct is to follow you, lean into you, reach out to you and for a second his lips are on yours, but you move away and he curses. Turning around, Ran pushes you towards the huge oak table and you comply, jumping on it. Your legs are spread for him and yet you push him away when he grabs the hem of your shirt. 

Your palm on his chest he hopes you can feel how his heart reacts to you. And as if you do - or maybe it’s something else, Ran hopes it’s something else, something sweet and precious where you can’t deny him - your open palm turns into fist and you bring him closer. You pepper his face with small kisses and it’s embarrassing for him to think how happy he gets, how you can ask of him anything now and he will do it. Be it steading the ladder for you or bringing you hot gazing stars from outer space. 

“You are so lovely, Ran.” 

Oh God. 

“Anything for you. Lovely, gentle, harsh, rude… yours. However, you'll want me.”

There’s a known firefly in your eyes and he holds your face. At this point you are just staring at each other, searching for answers or commuting without words. Or maybe both. “Yeah. I like it all. Remember? I’ve told you before.” “Say it again, then. I like hearing it.” And you do. I like you. I like you. I accept you, Ran. I like you. I like you. I like you. 

Pink looks pretty on you and Ran knows it. 

You sway with his younger brother in the middle of the huge living room of the rented house for which Ran paid a bit too much [but you were so adamant it was perfect and Rindou would absolutely love it so he couldn’t say no] and laugh. Your head thrown back, you hold hands with Rindou as he swirls you around, careful to not let go of you. 

You are the centre of this party and Ran’s attention. 

The beer in his cup is still cold and he sips on it watching you having the time of your life celebrating the existence of his little brother. The fact that you so dearly love and care for Rindou touches Ran’s heart more than it should, but it does and it warms the world around him. He tries to remember if someone from his own friends has this much love for him as you do for Rindou and suddenly he can’t name a single one. It’s a moment of loneliness and fear. Ran can deal with both, because he will always have Rin and Rin will always have you. So it’s fine. Everything is fine and the party goes smoothly just like you planned it. There’s enough food and alcohol and people who are here are the ones Rindou is happy to see. All his previous birthdays - and Ran’s too - they celebrated at clubs. Tones of booz, weed and girls never made Rindou smile as brightly as he did through the whole evening and well into the night. There was something alluring in intimacy that Ran never felt or noticed before and that he waited all his life to learn through you. 

So he drinks a bit more and watches you dance in your pink croco trousers and he knows you look unbelievably good. So good all he wants now is to get you in his car and drive you far far far away where no one could take you from him. For good measure he’ll lock you in the house [of his heart]. The keys will be thrown away with eyes closed so even he wouldn’t know where to look for them. No escape from this dream land of his. Forever imprisoned the two of you. 

It gets hard to breathe as if Ran is the one to dance and laugh. Leaving his unfinished beer on the table, Ran goes outside. He catches Kakucho’s questioning gaze on him, but mouths a simple ‘i am fine’ and then he is all alone again.

It’s chilly outside. The night sky is clouded and no stars can be seen from the porch. Two houses down there’s another party. Music travels this short distance, but as if there’s an invisible divider, it stops exactly in the middle and never touches their own music. Ran can clearly hear both songs and this alone creates a peculiar sense of detachment. It’s like he is here and then it’s like he never was and never would be.  Much to his displeasure it’s not you who finds him there. He didn’t even know he was waiting for you until viscous regret filled his lungs and the disappointment rested in his chest. He might have been scowling because the girl before him looked, if not scared, confused for sure. 

“Don’t say you don’t remember me.” The girl is beautiful, and Ran thinks he saw her at your university. She steps closer and brings her face right to his, her brown eyes waiting for recognition, but when even proximity doesn’t ring a bell, she pouts. “What they say about you is right. You never called me back.”

Oh. That’s why she looked familiar. Ran has slept with her. He gives her a dead stare, not in the mood to make a joke out of it. He turns his back on her. “Well, I never call anyone back. It’s always a one-time thing.”

He expects the girl to be offended or for the poison of humiliation to spread through her veins, but obviously, none of it happens. Instead, she pulls out a pack of cigarettes and leans on the wooden rails, overlooking the empty night street. “It’s stupid, but I thought I might be good enough for you to change your mind,” the girl giggles. She lights a cigarette for herself and doesn’t offer one to Ran. “But you don’t even remember me. You don’t, do you?”

“No. I don’t.” There’s no point in lying, and Ran doesn’t care if he hurts her. She’s been hurt before and she will be after this insignificant encounter.

“Do you wanna fuck now?” The answer is immediate and it’s the same as before. “No. I don’t.” 

“Not with me?” Lit cigarette between her fingers stands out on a stormy night sky. 

“No. Not with you.” 

The cloud of smoke escapes the girl's mouth and Ran stares at it for a bit, trying to remember how it tasted when he kissed her. But he can’t. It’s not her mouth that he sees, but an empty place. It’s scary. 

You and your crucifying rule that broke his bones everytime he was with you made kisses mean a lot and dissolved those that he shared before into drivel. They didn’t mean anything. 

Ran never remembered his first kiss. 

He guesses it happened when he was thirteen with a girl that was much older. It probably was a bet. 

The butt of the cigarette with dark stains from the girl’s lipstick is pressed against the wooden floor. The light dies. “You look awfully sick with love, Ran Haitani. It does suit you, though. Your eyes look more alive. Usually, they were like you just murdered someone. It’s scary.”

Fat raindrops hit the pavement and soon the world around is speaking. Ran can’t tell what it’s trying to say, but his heart tells him it is a premonition. A little prophecy, because what is born meaningless has a tendency to die as the most important thing. 

But of course, there are exceptions. 

There are memories, people and webs that were and always would have the dearest place in Ran’s heart. There is you and there was Aoki Ogura and now next to him is the girl he had slept with once and doesn’t even remember. There is the smell of rain and a few seconds ago there was a lit cigarette, the fire of it now dead. It’s a birthday party of his little brother, his only family, and it’s a day when Ran realises some things aren’t our choices, but are chosen for us. 

No matter how much we want, we can't change them, because just for once it didn’t happen because of us, but because of who we are.  The rain intensifies. Chills creep under Ran’s thin grey blouse. Are your pink trousers and white tee keeping you warm enough? He desperately needs to know. Now. 

“What’s your name?” Ran is at the door. His hand lies on the handle.

The girl raises her hands in the air, gasping. She pretends to be offended. In reality, she isn’t. There’s not a tinge of sadness in her. “It’s Hatsu Ikazuchi.”

The beginning of thunder. How fortunate. How coincidentally amusing and pretty. Life is full of wonders. The door behind Ran softly closes. Rain and storms stay on the other side.

xiv.

The second Rindou accidentally learns about the party, he knows it was your idea. 

When he steps out of the car and sees the prettiest house he knows it was you who chose it. The small hidden alley where it stands and green pots with pink flowers are definitely what made the cut for you. And then, when he enters the house and everyone screams happy birthday Rindou, and he shushes them so he can greet every single person there, he knows it was you who decided who should be invited.

It’s the same with the cake that you bring out to the living room singing-whispering his favourite song, instead of the classical happy birthday one. He knows it was you who ordered it and decided on the fillings. You hold it before him, a huge happy smile on your pretty face, and he closes his eyes to make a wish before he blows off the candles. Ran stands behind you, his chin on your shoulder watching his brother, but Rindou barely notices this unusual proximity. He only sees the fairy lights and decorations.

He knows it was all your doings too.

He is happy and he is loved and he drowns in your love the whole evening and well into the night.

He only loses you right after the clock strikes two when Haruchiyo finds him and urges him to smoke. They share a joint on the second floor in the bathroom. And even in the state Rindou is in now, he thinks about you. How you’d be mad if you were to find them smoking in this enclosed space without a window. How you’d scold them like you always do and say that weed smells disgusting. How you’d still slide down the door and sit on cold tiles with them, breathing smoke from it into your lungs, intoxicating yourself to the maximum. You’d laugh and smile looking at them both, your best friends, and in those moments everything in the world would be right. 

High as kite - because it’s a special birthday joint, claims Haruchiyo - from half of the cigarette and drunk on God knows how many beers and two cocktails with an unknowing mix of alcohol in each, Rindou stumbles down the stairs. Haruchiyo follows suit. With mouths dry as parchment they go into the kitchen where they gulp down two bottles of water, one and a half litre each. 

The thirst subsides and they giggle, finding the situation funny. The party carries on and so does the fun. Behind the veil of smoke and fog and fun everything [and everyone] seems brighter - happier - than they really are. Weed is better than alcohol, but both of it mixed together is a devastating cocktail of unknown feelings and emotions, so bright and positive, Rindou wants to stay in this superficial land forever. 

But the effect will wear out with time and nothing but sadness and regret will stay. And when Rindou will wake up in the morning, he will be grumpy and untalkative and borderline aggressive, angry thoughts swarming inside his pounding head. He might throw up or he might not and when this state too will pass, for there is nothing permanent, he will wonder if sadness and hostility is all he has. This eats Rindou alive. 

But there is still time till this terrifying clarity. 

For now everything is blurry. And he is happy. He allows himself to be. 

A very gracious birthday present. 

Together, with Haruchiyo they find you in the company of Senju, Ran and his friends. In the midst of loud music and the smell of alcohol, your small circle gives the impression of a cold calm island, warm to its habitants and cold to intruders. There’s an effortless conversation that flows between you all. He has no idea what it is you are talking about, but it must be something very interesting to each of you, because your eyes sparkle and everyone speaks almost at the same time, contributing to the discussion. 

A deep gut feeling of being unwanted washes over him and Rindou’s body is sticky, clothes too close to skin. Blood pumps loudly in his head and for a second or two all he hears is a stretching white noise. It calls out for him, forms a message, something so important and crucial, but it disappears before Rindou can decipher the meaning behind its static nature. And then, his brain overwhelmed and tired, his being happy and loved, he thinks that maybe some things aren’t worth reading into. Maybe it all happens just because and maybe nothing has any sacred meaning. 

Maybe living in the absence of all is easier and maybe that’s what Rindou chooses in the moment Senju spots them and waves her hand urging them to join your company.  

“My favorite birthday boy!” You exclaim, stretching your hands toward him. He accepts your invitation and dives into your arms, stumbling over his unstable feet. He falls face down onto the sofa, and Senju, who had been sitting next to you, groans and moves to the floor. But she doesn’t say anything to him because today is his birthday, and he is allowed a little more than he usually is.

“Am I really your favourite?” Rindou asks, his tongue loose from the effects of alcohol. His head rests on your shoulder, and he tilts his head to take a good look at you. You are a bit drunk yourself. Your eyes are only half-opened, and you look undeniably sexy and warm. “Tell me the truth.”

You squint your eyes, pretending to think, and he whines at you, causing you to laugh. He is happy with himself because of that. He is even happier when you ruffle his hair and whisper to him, "You are. Even when you reek of weed and beer." You lick your lips before you continue, a bit more serious than before. "Even if you find yourself a pretty girl and dump me because she's going to be jealous of us."

"No one's gonna date us with you in the picture, baby. Honestly?" Haruchiyo chimes in. He sits on the floor next to Kakucho, opposite you. Only when you and Rindou turn your heads his way, your attention fully on him, does he continue speaking. "Even I feel jealous of you, and I'm a part of our threesome."

The interrogation on Rindou’s behalf falls short at that and you slump into scolding Haruchiyo for his poor choice of words to describe your friendship. You argue, as you usually do, because obviously to Haruchiyo the threesome sounds okay and he even claims he heard someone at university refer to your trio using it and he in fact is not the one who came up with it. At that you gasp and a sound too similar to a sad wolf howl comes out of your throat. 

"Actually, you know what I always wanted to ask?" Interrupts Shion. He is taking the first long drag from his cigarette. The smell of smoke that hits Rindou’s nostrils almost immediately indicates that they are cherry-flavored. It's quite a strange choice on Shion's side, if you were to ask Rindou. "How did you all meet? You are super close. I’ve been looking at you today, and if Ran hadn’t told me before that you are seeing someone, I would’ve thought you are dating our birthday boy."

All attention has you as the centre and for a split moment Rindou is sober. All haze and blurriness swept away leaving the palace for stunning clarity. But he feels how tense your limp body gets and he sees his brother who sits at your feet with your left leg thrown over his shoulder, laying his head on your thigh. Ran smirks as he waits for your answer, but he knows his brother the best, so the sweet tender expectancy doesn’t go unnoticed. Nor does the gentle caressing of his fingers around your ankle. 

“We actually met through Haru, who I knew because I am friends with Senju. We went to the same high school.”

Shion nods. He brings a bottle of sui-umeshu to his lips and, not taking his eyes away from you, takes a large sip. When he is done, the sweet liquor swallowed, he asks you, "Why is your boyfriend not here?"

"He isn't my boyfriend yet. We are still figuring it all out," you retort. You tilt your head to the side and playfully smile at Shion. "And just why are you so interested in him?"

“I am not interested in him. I am interested in you.” 

"Oh," the smile is gone from your face and you stare at Shion as if you are seeing him for the very first time. "Thank you."

The rest of the night is spent almost quietly. You dance some more. You drink and Haruchiyo smokes again. This time with Senju on the damp porch. The rain that Rindou never acknowledged has stopped. The air now is cold and crispy. It finally feels like winter is just around the corner. 

The golden light of sunrise adorns the living room, building an illusion of it being way more spacious and bigger than it really is. Rindou can barely stand on his own feet. He so desperately needs to go to bed and sleep until it’s well after noon. And yet, he comes to a halt when he hears your quiet laughing and Ran’s murmuring. Through the buzzing in his head he can’t hear what you are talking about, and even if he wants to eavesdrop, he won’t. He respects you and he respects his brother. He respects his loving touches and he respects your choice. So, he goes straight into the kitchen and the first thing he sees is not your blood splashed across your white t-shirt in bright stains, but Ran’s gentle moves when he wipes your face. Come to think of it, his brother was always like that around you. Curious and tender even in anger. The softness doesn’t evaporate from Ran when he looks up and sees his brother standing in the arc that connects the living room and kitchen. 

"Did you get the nosebleed again?" The house is silent, so Rindou’s voice echoes through it like a bell in the middle of a field.

Somehow, Rindou imagines it’s sunny there in that field of his despite dark heavy clouds hanging low in the sky. It’s going to rain, but before it will, there will be a thunderstorm. This time Rindou is going to be there to see it. 

“Yeah. Don’t worry though. I am just tired. That’s all.” 

Contradiction arises in him and guilt fills his throat to the brim. He can’t say anything so he just stares at the white wet towel  in Ran’s hands. Its twisted tip all red and pulpy. Behind you, on the beige plain wall, is a garland. It says “Happy Birthday Rindou”. He wants to take it home with him and put it under his bed, in his heart, to store it there forever as a reminder that someone cares for him. [Always will]. 

There are so many words and confessions he desires to share with you, but instead, he says, “I am going to sleep. Can we go for yakitori when I wake up? I just know I am gonna be starving.”

“Nankotsu or tebasaki?” Suddenly excited, you turn your head toward him.

“Both?” “Fuck, I love you so much, Rindou! You are the best!” “I know. I know. I love me too.” 

“Okay you all enough with love. Let’s take your makeup off too, while I am at it. Now, look at me.” Without anything to say Rindou leaves. He goes upstairs and without taking a shower goes straight to his makeshift bed for today. He is sharing a room with Kakucho who is already asleep. His light snores break the solemnity of the room.

Undressed, in his boxers, Rindou comes up to the window that overlooks the neighbour's patio. Classic Japanese garden stares back at Rindou and he tries hard to remember when was the last time he saw one. He can’t. It’s a bit sad. He finds himself liking the moss, the rocks and those pretty wooden lanterns. Beauty is simple; he appreciates it. 

At last, he closes the window, shutting curtains tight. Today was a good day. He felt loved and needed and cared for. 

Rindou wishes every day was like this one, but then wouldn’t its significance be lost on him? Life is a contradiction and Rindou loves it too. Just for today he allows himself to. 

xv.

Flowers bloom inside you when Ran’s hips meet yours and you moan into his shoulder, your teeth drawing blood from his skin there. 

Arms limp around his neck, your body violently quivers and he, too vulnerable and high on his own orgasm, spreads his palms across your naked back, running them up and down. Mouth hungry on your skin he leaves open sloppy kisses across your neck. It does little to calm you down. It does nothing at all to subside the hunger and emotions you have for him in this moment [and always]. 

"Shit, I bit you. I am sorry," you say, your breath still hitched. You run a finger across the mark, wiping the blood that stains Ran’s perfectly smooth skin. "Didn't want anyone to hear us. Does it hurt?"

Tilting his head to the side, his palms on the small of your back, Ran inspects the damage. He winces, and in your blissfully tired state, you don’t pay attention to how fake that wince sounds or how unnaturally he grimaces when you touch the wound again. "It…"

He doesn’t have a chance to finish, because you run your fingers around the mark and bring your lips closer to it, pecking the red irritated skin there in an attempt to soothe the pain. Ran freezes. All jokes and teasing he intended to voice die. 

He dies with them.

“Ran are you okay? Does it hurt that much? I kissed it because I thought it might lessen the pain. I probably only irritated it more. I am sorry. Let me go take a look if they have band aids in the bathroom.” You are still sitting on his lap with him inside of you and your legs still tremble, but now only lightly and you think you can stand up and walk the short distance to the en-suite bathroom. But when you lift yourself off him, Ran grips your hips so harshly you yelp. 

You are confused. Lines on your forehead you look at him with a question in your eyes. Did you do something wrong? Was he repulsed by your spontaneous biting? Love is about questions and you drown in them. It’s fortunate that Ran holds you just where you should be held. “Don’t go. It doesn’t hurt at all. I haven’t even noticed you bit me until you said. I was just teasing you.” 

In the silence that follows, each of you think of some distant places that never correlate with each other and yet even there you are together. In the comfortable familiarity and warmth of his body you doze off. Ran’s huge tattoo fades away with every drop of your eyelids; little butterflies landing on ink orchids. You swear you can smell their faint flowery aroma, but that simply can’t be true. 

A lot of things can’t be true and yet you choose to believe in them. 

"A girl today asked me to have sex with her, and I refused," Ran says after a while.

Sleepy, you place your chin on his chest, locking a gaze with him. Ran does have the prettiest eyes, you think. But instead, you ask him, "Was it Ikazuchi?"

His blonde brows coming together, he tries really hard to remember. So hard a deep wrinkle appears on his forehead. You raise your head and smoothe it, waiting for it to disappear. You don’t like seeing him troubled and now he looks like that whole encounter was unpleasant for him. 

"I can’t remember," he says honestly, catching your hand when it wipes at his eyebrows. He brings it to his mouth and kisses your knuckles.

"Oh, it was her. I know," you giggle, a stray ray of bleak mid-autumn sun pecking at your face, causing you to squint as you squirm on top of Ran. He whines, and you press a hand over his mouth, whispering, "Ran, don’t do that! You’ll wake someone up."

You see him roll his eyes, and then it’s you who is screaming, because he holds you by your waist and flips you over, so that you are under him. "So much for 'Ran, don’t!'" He mimics your voice and intonation a bit too perfectly, and then he stops, and you can only imagine what makes him shut up. But he stares at you, his half-closed eyes forever young and full of longing. You can only guess what’s going on in his mind.

Bathed in morning sun and your love Ran looks exceptionally beautiful. 

“What is it?” 

There’s no hesitation in his reply. "You are pretty."

And there’s no hesitation when he brushes his lips against yours. His breath is warm and sweet and he is your new source of air, because altogether you stop to breathe and it’s him who inhales life in you. Like a little lamb before sacrifice you stare at him with wide eyes. So full of questions. So full of don’t you remember I told you not to kiss me before you feel something for me. If you ever feel something for me. 

It’s a plea. It’s an incantation. It’s his chance; his doom and forgiveness. 

“I should’ve done it before,” he mumbles. Lips on lips. He has been inside you a few moments ago and numerous times before that, but you swear he has never been this close. “Should’ve kissed you when I’ve seen you cry that day. Should’ve kissed you when you undid my hair before we went to sleep that very first night. Should’ve fucking known I liked you all this time.”

Salty sad tears draw pretty patterns on your face and you choke on sobs, too overwhelmed, too shocked and so desperately confused. All the thinking process in you comes to a halt - blame it on your tipsiness, tiredness or early hours of the morning - and you shake your head, hands reaching out to Ran, clutching onto him. 

You are contradicting yourself and you know that. But you can’t think what’s more disappointing: that you are uncontrollable or that you don’t believe that Ran likes you. He is made of white lies. Always have been and yet you choose want need to trust him. 

In the clouds of white sheets and duvets he rolls to his side and brings you closer. With one swift strong motion he throws your leg over his hip so even air can’t come between your bodies. He wipes at your face and the uncharacteristic patience and understanding he shows you, are enough for you to peck his lips. He smiles against them, into the kiss, and it’s sincere. 

“Don’t want you to cry,” he whispers. “Especially over me. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

Hand on your waist, Ran nuzzles up to you, his nose brushing over yours and you surrender. 

You fall to pieces. 

“Only wanted to say how I feel. Would’ve done it before if it wasn’t so hard to understand. Why when it’s real it’s so hard to realise you are in love with someone?” 

Leaning your forehead on his, you sniffle, but you aren’t sad anymore and you don’t cry. It’s a light grey feeling that envelopes you and if it means that this is what Ran Haitani’s love feels like you are okay with it. You accept it. 

"It wasn’t hard for me," you say, and Ran reclines back, taking you in, his head and heart full of you.

“What?” “I said it wasn’t hard for me to understand how I feel about you.” He grins then and he looks so boyish, so happy, so content your heart explodes, its broken fragments piercing through his chest to fill up cracks in him where nothing could before. 

This time, when Ran kisses you, his fingers caressing your jaw, you respond to him. It’s shy and testing at first, but soon it gets sloppy and it’s wet and messy and lots of tongue. It’s so so so good you don’t need him to get you ready and you don’t need a lot of time to come undone again. 

Again and again and again. 

xvi.

It’s been weeks since Rindou’s birthday party and by the mouth pressed into thin line and grumpy hooded eyes that Rindou only has with Ran, he can tell that his brother has a lot of questions that burn him on the inside. 

However Rindou doesn’t ask them and Ran would never feed his brother’s pride by responding to them before he was even interrogated. That it’s going to be an interrogation he doesn’t doubt for a split second. Glares and muttering Rindou provides Ran every time they are in the same room are enough to guess. It’s late November when Rindou finally snaps. 

Ran is putting on his black boots he bought a few days ago in Harajuku after getting his hair done when the burning sensation on the back of his head intensifies. It’s a little after eight and he is worried he is going to be late to pick you up from the practice. Earlier today, you agreed to meet at nine thirty. If Rindou holds him for more than three minutes he won’t be there on time and while Ran is always late he hates to be late to you. 

Dressed in all black - black hakama, black button up and black socks - Rindou reminds Ran of a kid who pretends he is into fashion, but can only mix and match black clothes and even that isn't given since Ran can clearly see that Rindou’s hakama is slightly darker than his t-shirt. He bites a smile, averting his eyes from Rindou so he won’t notice the playfulness that spills from him. Of course, Rindou does notice. 

Of course, he groans and Ran can only imagine what names his little brother has called him inside his head. 

"What don’t you like about my outfit this time?” Rindou spreads his hands across his freshly ironed clothes and places them on his hips. He looks down at himself, but Ran is sure that no matter how much he tries, he'll never understand. Finally, he raises his now angry eyes and looks at the smiling Ran. “Is it my pants?”

“No.” 

“Then what is it? I can tell you think there’s something wrong with it.” 

Orange sun paints their apartment in a pretty peach colour. It licks at Rindou’s blonde hair and he is even more handsome than he usually is. Ran looks at him, while he stands before him frustrated, angry and lost, and in this moment he knows he won’t ever forgive himself if he wrongs his younger brother. He doesn’t remember when Rindou became so big and how his shoulders are even broader than Ran’s are and he for sure missed a moment when Rindou started dating, but he will never forget this particular moment. 

When Rindou is twenty and sunset kisses his existence. 

“The hakama colour doesn’t match with the button up.” 

“Oh.” Rindou's fingers circle around the collar of the blouse, and now he isn’t just lost, angry, and frustrated, but also self-conscious and lonely.

As an older brother Ran has - always had and always will - many responsibilities. To provide, to keep safe, to care and to love. To spare from the misery of unknowingness. Never to betray. 

And that’s why, this time, Ran gives in. He kneels down to tie his left boot and answers a question that wasn’t asked but was thought. “Yes, I am going to see her, and then I’ll take her to eat whatever she wants today. We might take a walk right after dinner or go straight to 7-Eleven and buy her favorite pudding and that stupid pizza-flavored snack she likes so much. I’ve grown to like it too by now. It isn’t too bad. Anyway, when we are inside her apartment, I’ll start kissing her the second I close the door behind us, and we’ll probably take it to the shower, and after the shower, to her bed. If she doesn’t fall asleep immediately, we’ll eat, and in the morning…”

“Does she let you eat on her bed?” 

Done with his laces, Ran raises up, he blinks at his brother, and a shit-eating grin spreads on his face. “Well, yes, she does. Always. Why?”

“Really?!” Under the circled tinted glasses, Rindou blinks a couple of times. “She gave me and Haruchiyo a lecture about how we can’t eat in bed. How are you supposed to sleep with crumbs under your asses? You absolutely shouldn’t eat in bed. Especially you, Rindou. You always spill the sauce.”

The imitation of your voice is pretty accurate. Down to the intonation and pauses you do when you are speaking and Ran can’t help, but laugh. His brother does know you well. It’s a pang in his heart. He can’t translate it into words. 

“I guess she just likes you more than us,” concludes Rindou. He adjusts his glasses and points at the pile of shoes by the door, leaving no room for Ran to contradict. Rindou blurts out almost immediately, “YSL or Yamamoto boots? What do you think?”

They settle on the Japanese designer, because Ran claims the European vibe doesn’t really suit Rindou. He also doesn’t change the button-up and it’s been more than three minutes. 

The sky is a deep blue, borderline black, when they enter Itabashi area. The roads are unusually empty for this time of the day and a few stars appear each time it darkens one shade more. Today the world is very beautiful and Ran hopes on his way back it still will be so you can see it yourself too. These floating lights, rich colours and street lamps with their alien light. 

“I don’t think she likes me more, Rin,” Ran's voice breaks the absolute silence that reigns within the car. The engine of Ran’s Honda continues its song, undisturbed and infinite. “Our significance for her is different. And not on the scale of lesser to greater.”

Beside him in the passenger seat, Rindou stretches, his palms hitting the roof of the car. “Honestly? I could kinda tell you were always into each other. All this bickering, sneak glances, accidental touches. And you never once forgot her birthday in three years. Don’t know why I was so surprised she started to smell like you in the summer.”

“Smell like me?” Despite them being on the road Ran turns his head to the left and stares at his brother. “What does it even mean?” To that Rindou never responds. He shrugs as if he never said what he just said and Ran’s curiosity remains a hungry fox. 

In less than twenty minutes they’ll reach you. They both wonder if you will wait for them outside and if not, who of them should come pick you up from the studio. 

“Can we stay at our place today? We can invite Haru, Kaku and maybe Senju over? Would be nice to watch something and eat. I think the DVD rental next to us should be still open.” 

Loneliness, myriads of sparkling little fireflies, illuminate the space between Ran and Rindou, and Ran bumps his brother on the shoulder with his fist, playfully but not too strongly. He communicates to him, "I am always here. I always will be." Then he suggests, “Of course. Shoot them a message. Say the food is on us, but if they want to drink something, they should bring it themselves.”

A huge toothy smile appears on Rindou’s face and that’s how Ran knows his brother understands that love is never divided between people. It’s shared and fed in equal amounts. Just differently. 

“Oh. And mention that if anyone is to crash at our place they might be ready to hear a few whimpers here and there.” 

With his eyes already on the phone, fingers typing away messages to their friends, Rindou raises his head and gives his brother a disgusted look. "What?"

“Your friend is awfully loud in bed. That’s what I am saying.” 

“Gross. Stop the car.” Ran laughs and when he catches Rindou’s smiling, shaking his head in a what-a-bastard way, he laughs some more. The firefly of loneliness is dead by now.

More cars pass them on the highway and nothing feels real. 

xvii.

The park near their house is not that grand as the park you always stop by after Ryou’s parties, but it has a small square playground and that’s all you need. 

Three bags with snacks and cup noodles are forgotten on the bench. Half of the goods lay scattered on the ground, but neither you or Rindou pay much attention to it. You probably haven’t even noticed it yet. Too busy laughing and enjoying yourself. 

It was - of course - your idea to stop by and play. Just for a little, you said, tugging Rindou by the sleeve of his black puffer. Inside the park it’s dark. The lit lamps here and there are the bonbori ones and while they already aren’t the brightest, the shadows of trees absorb whatever lights they illuminate. If Rindou wasn’t Rindou he would find this place creepy. The desertness of it due to the hour only intensifies the feeling. 

But you are happy before him as you sit on the swings swaying back and forth. You laugh loudly and when he drugs you by your waist to the roundabout you scream at him to set you free so loud people in houses nearby might think he wants to murder you. None calls the police though or comes outside so in your wail they might have heard merriness, the same Rindou did. They probably think it’s teenagers in love fooling around.

But you are not teenagers and you aren’t in love.  And that’s what you tell Rindou when you push him into the huge metal circle with holes in it. He does his best to imagine what child game this surrealistic installation serves, but nothing comes to mind. 

"Rindou, I am sorry," your whisper echoes inside the metal walls like an arrow. "I should have told you from the beginning."

"It's alright," he murmurs back instantly. It should be the other way around, you comforting him, but it is not.

"I just think I really, really, really love Ran, and that's why I couldn't tell you."

The confession sits heavy on both of you and the tension made of substantial marine ropes hangs around your necks. In the dark Rindou can’t see you, but he can imagine you playing with your fingers or biting your cheek. Too full of emotions and pregnant with spilled secrets. He knows you too well and you know him well too, so when he outstretches his arm and his hand falls into your, you both giggle. 

“Like I feel bad for not telling you, but I couldn’t help it. He is your brother. I was too shy to tell you. I still am.” 

"You aren't making any sense," he puffs, suddenly sounding a bit angry or maybe tired. Perhaps both. "One second you are declaring you love my brother, and then you say you are bashful about it. It doesn't make any sense." Your hold around his fingers tightens, and he throws his head back, leaning against the cold metal. It would be good to feel its bitter licks against his naked skin, to sober up, jolt back to you, away from his illusions and disappointments. But then, he thinks, even if you threw him into cold Antarctic waters, with your gentle hand in his, he could never be cold. That's why he softly adds, "And I've already told you. It's alright. No matter how I feel about it."

"And how do you feel about it, Rindou?" Instead of sounding bitter or disappointed or angry, you sound mellow and kind. You sound like everything you shouldn't. "I want to know."

When he speaks, it's not what you wanted to hear, but that's all he could say to you now. Or ever. "Ran is my brother, and if something happens, it's him I am going to choose. I want you to know that."

The last sentence is a regretful hum. Barely audible, but still evident. He clutches his eyes shut and holds his breath. What he said to you hurts him badly enough to have them closed forever and he supposes it’s painful for you too. He hopes it doesn’t hurt you as much as it does him. And he is glad it’s really dark in here so you can’t see his shattered heart. 

In an ideal world you’d run away from him or at least be angry. You really should be. He gave you all the reasons too. He desperately wishes for your fury so it eases his turmoils - so he can be mad at you too -  but it never comes. Instead, you fall in his arms and wrap your hands around his shoulders. You breathe him in and smile into his neck. This world, this version of you and him, and everything you are are too far from ideal.  He loves it too.  He loves you. 

“I know that. And I know that you know that it’s okay. I’ll never blame you for choosing Ran and I’ll never leave your side. It’s not even a choice, Rindou. He is literally your brother. Your other half and your only family.” 

“You feel like family too.” 

The walk back to their apartment is mostly silent. Hand in hand, you stroll through the dark alleys of Roppongi that you both know so well, each of you thinking about each other. But thoughts can’t hurt anymore. Not after that small significant moment in the kids playground. Rindou can’t exactly pinpoint what happened, but something did. Was it what you said? Was it what he said? Or perhaps it’s the hug or clasped hands that took the weight from his heart away and glued its torn pieces back together. 

And by the time you are actually inside the apartment, when everyone is already there and waiting for you, Rindou is calm and the part that constantly worried and kept him high on his toes is gone, he doesn’t even remember what it was like to live with it. It’s like he is another person, reborn and better. Still the same Rindou just maybe a tiny bit freer and the sparks in his eyes are shining with new light, new colour, not the absence of it. 

So, when you enter the apartment and you take your shoes off and Ran who meets you by the door notices blood stains on your white socks [a never ending battle between new shoes and dancers] and he scolds you for not telling him earlier that your feet hurt while scooping you away, Rindou doesn’t worry. Nor for your feet. Nor for the ease with which you follow his older brother to the bathroom. Instead, he joins Haruchiyo and Senju who are already there in the living room. Together, they sort out the food you got in the 7-Eleven. For the most part, it’s silent, the TV is off and the door to the bathroom remains open. Rindou can’t see you and neither can Haru or Senju, but they hear you just fine. They hear the water running down and how patiently Ran instructs you to put your feet with socks on in the warm water. He then explains you how they mother and later he himself used to do the same to Rindou when he was little and his new pair of shoes would hurt him so bad, blisters became bloody mess that stuck to fabric of his socks and unless you wanted little Rindou to scream and cry and tear the skin and meat off him, you’d need to soak his feet in the warm water. This way it won’t hurt at all and Ran, assures you, he never wants you to hurt at all. 

In the middle of this conversation Ran also points out that when Rindou was really small he always had socks with Super Mario print on them and if they were ruined for good, he would cry so hard, you’d think someone had died. To that Rindou rolls his eyes and Haru openly laughs, mouthing a silent really? And when Rindou nods, Haru laughs some more and shakes his head in pure amusement. If he or Senju catch on to something they don’t show it or maybe they knew all along, reading into sudden tenderness between you and Ran quicker than Rindou had. At this point, it’s all in the past. He doesn’t care. 

The indifference remains when Ran makes you take a shower and dresses you in his clothes. His brother stays the same and you despite looking too adorable in Ran’s old loose black t-shirt, too are the same you were before. You still bite your cheek and you still sit between Rindou and Haruchiyo, leaning your head against Haru’s shoulder. 

And yet, the stoic callousness Rindou has been experiencing through the whole evening, evaporates when Ran finds you sitting on the floor by the ceiling to floor window. The white letters that form actors and crew names flow inside the screen of their Panasonic Viera and the light in the room hasn’t been turned on yet. The boxes of instant ramen are left on the floor around the sofa and armchair. The air still smells like chicken and miso. Next to him Haru stretches in his place and yawns. Rindou is too exhausted - mentally and physically equally - but he doesn’t want to go to sleep yet. Today was different, but pleasant all the same. He doesn’t want this day to end. That’s why when Shion, who came along with Kakucho just after you were done with your shower, starts his usual post-movie banter about the hidden philosophy behind the story you just watched, Rindou happily joins, effortlessly lurking into the conversation. It’s then, in the middle of the heated argument that Rindou tries to justify his judging of the poor choice that the main character made in favour of her lover other than her career that he finally takes in consideration the vacant place to his left. He wanted to ask you what you think, what would’ve you done if you were to choose between your dream job and your boyfriend. 

But you aren’t beside him and Rindou hadn’t noticed when you disappeared or why. 

The confusion on his face must be evident because Kakucho who sits opposite him grins and with his chin points at something behind Rindou’s back. He doesn’t really need to turn his head and see for himself what’s going on. Kakucho’s happy mischievous eyes tell him all there’s to know. 

But he does turn and he does see you and Ran talking in low voices in front of the dark night and myriads of small lights of someone else’s lives. The whole room falls silent then and in this short pause Rindou remembers how you once told him that those windows are your favourite place to be in their apartment. 

It’s like you are alone in this wild wild world, but never lonely. Just how many people live in Tokyo. Isn’t it crazy we are part of them? Do you think they think about us too sometimes? 

You must be telling Ran exactly the same thing or something along those lines you shared with Rindou years ago. His eyes shift into two slits and he smiles at you. Softly. Fondly. Lovingly. His hand rises to your face, caressing it gently, thumbs ghosting over your jaw. The closing credits end and the TV blazes with white colour so bright it lights up the whole living room and bits of kitchen. But no one seems to care. Everyone watches Ran leaning into you and planting a kiss to your lips. It’s sweet and familiar. It holds something sacred that no one in the room even after witnessing it would understand. It’s beyond everyone. 

"You mean to tell me that when I asked for her number and Ran told me she’s seeing someone, that someone was him?" Fully confused, a cloud settles over Shion’s scrunched face. "What a fucking bastard. He should have just told me she was his."

At that, Kakucho laughs and shoves his elbow between Shion’s ribs, then winks at Rindou whose cheeks are now burning red. “Some things aren’t that easy to voice, Shi. Especially when it comes to love. It’s not like Ran would’ve come up to us for love advice. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Shion hums in agreement, still seemingly perplexed at the sudden revelation. It’s not clear whether he even understood Kakucho’s comment.

“And besides, you'd be a moron to think that Ran wasn’t seeing someone,” Kakucho adds, resting his head against the back of the love seat armchair. He closes his sly eyes and bites his lower lip to hide a smile.

“Why is that?” Shion asks, obviously believing that "the moron" comment was directed at him. He turns his head to the left, looking at Kakucho, who cracks his right eye open. The playful smirk is still on Kakucho's lips.

“Because when that little bimbo girl that Ran was going crazy about made a move on him in the club, he rejected her.”

“Which girl? When?” It's clear that Shion doesn't remember the incident, and neither do Rindou, Haruchiyo, or Senju. They all eagerly wait for Kakucho's explanation, but he remains silent.

The tease that he is, he only opens his mouth after finishing his can of Coca-Cola.

“I don’t remember her name, but I think it was written with the kanji for 'blue.' She kept mentioning it to Ran. Like, 'Don’t you think it’s pretty? Don’t you like it? You said you liked it before,'” it's evident that reminiscing about this is quite painful for Kakucho, and Rindou genuinely pities him. He hates Ran's fickleness. He hates Aoki Ogura even more, even if she was never one of the girls he slept with.

That it’s her Kakucho is  speaking about Rindou has no doubts whatsoever. 

“Oh, well. It’s not like Ran had ever liked a decent girl. They were always so fucking annoying. Remember the one that barged into the classroom for him to talk things out?” 

Down the memory lane they go, and Rindou barely listens to them anymore. There’s nothing new for him to hear. He too became a victim of Ran’s romantic encounters. [If you can call them as such, because besides sleeping once and never again, Ran and those girls had literally nothing going on]. 

“Our baby isn’t annoying,” eyes lidded from tiredness Haruchiyo whines, invisibly tugging Rindou by the hair out from his thoughts. Kakucho and Shion too turn at him, slight surprise on their face and Haruchiyo groans seemingly disturbed that he would need to elaborate. “My baby isn’t annoying or something. She is the best and Ran actually really really really likes her. So don’t say he never liked a decent girl, cause my baby is the best and Ran loves her very much.” 

The trip in Haruchiyo words is intentional and that’s how everyone knows he is being sincere. No one argues and Rindou pats his shoulder, agreeing. 

You are the very best. 

And, yes, his brother likes you a lot. Loves, even. 

xviii.

This January is awfully rainy and Haruchiyo thinks it fucking sucks. 

Not because of the dampness and the cold, but because he can’t light a cigarette outside on the campus and instead needs to smoke in the clamped smelly toilets. Observing the rain, he actually likes it since he’s been a little kid, from the circled window adds little to the pleasure of inhaling the fog into his lungs. 

At this point he might as well give up on smoking. 

In slow deliberate motions he pulls the pack out of his trousers and cracks it open counting the cigarettes. He places a bet that if it’s more than seven he won’t give up and if it’s less than that then maybe his smoker habit will end now. 

Eleven cigarettes look back at him and he smiles, kisses the pack and slips it back into the pocket. 

Today is his lucky day. 

“Knew I’d find you in here.” Across the bathroom scrawls a harsh slap of the door and Rindou barges in. His blonde hair disheveled and wet from the rain. He doesn’t need to tell him that he’s been outside a mere second ago. There’s a grave coldness from his damp coat and his heart. Haruchiyo squints his eyes and decides, almost certain, that you two haven’t talked yet. 

“I assume you haven’t talked yet,” as always straightforward Haruchiyo doesn’t wait for Rindou to bring up the topic. 

He dives in without a single pint of hesitation. He cocks his head and laughs when Rindou shakes his head an affirmative ‘no’. 

In between those two weeks you haven’t spoken with one another, it seems like nothing much really changed. When it comes to you Rindou still loses his ability to speak coherently. He still lowers his head down and looks at the floor. This time he also steals a cigarette from Haruchiyo’s “Hope”. The irony in seeing Rindou clutching to a literal hope in his hands would be funny, if this irony wasn’t a suffocating pool of your tears and sour expression.  

So he doesn’t laugh. Haruchiyo suffocates. 

For just a little while he needs to talk about something else and that’s why he recites to Rindou who now sits on the low windowsill about the bet he had earlier with the cigarettes. Any other day, they would laugh at it so hard and Rindou would tease him so badly, the back of their throats would hurt them from saying too much and talking too loudly. But not now. 

Now Rindou just cracks a smirk and crashes the cigarette between his fingers. The white paper snapping in two. 

Then, he is back to you. [Like always.]

“Is she alright?” Is all he asks. 

Any other day Haruchiyo would tease him, but not today. Not now when his best friend is grayer than the clouds outside in the sky. 

“Caught her crying yesterday while she was making us tonkatsu. Said she’s fine and it’s just onion.” 

“There wasn’t any onion?” 

“Bingo,” Haruchiyo puts the cigarette out, pressing its flame against the white wall. There’s quite a few fading black spots of the same size around the surface indicating he’s been here before. 

“I miss her,” the confession slips out of Rindou’s mouth effortlessly and easily, but the dead weight in his chest doesn’t lessen. It hurts all the same. “I can’t talk to her though. I mean I am totally on Ran’s side. How could she believe her out of all people? I swear if that little bitch told me she fucked Ran I would’ve never believer her.” 

And that’s a lie and they both know it. 

“She haven’t told her she fucked Ran. She’s been whispering about it with Misa when my baby was there practising. She made sure she heard that and then she added he called her little love while he was balls deep inside her. Of course it hurt. Fictional or not.” 

Rindou sighs, banging his head against the window, drops of rain chaotically sliding down. “No doubt, but Ran told me nothing of the sort happened. Besides, he hasn't seen Aoki in a while. Ran might be Ran, but this is not a thing he would do.” “Then, he should’ve explained himself properly,” Haruchiyo retorts, his smart eyes peering into Rindou. “One text and no visits screams to me as a lack of interest.” “He is just too prideful and it’s not like it’s easy on him too. All he does is sleep, eating and beating the shit out of me. Yesterday he snapped because I put soya sauce in the fridge and apparently you don’t store it there. There’s a cupboard for it,” the mocking comes out perfectly and Haruchiyo cracks a smile. He spots a light purple colour he hasn’t noticed before on Rindou's cheek and presses his lip into the thin line. Smile evaporating from his face. Again, it’s gloomy. “You know, Haru, I might try to talk to her on the day of the showcase. I am quite positive Ran might come around by then too. We can go celebrate it at Shabuan then. Yeah. That’s what we do.” Your showcase is five days from now and Haruchiyo doubts much will change and yet he hopes. And so he nods, gathers his things from the floor and hugging Rindou by the shoulders leads him to the dining hall. After smoking he is always hungry. 

Just a day before your grand performance Haruchiyo stops by your apartment and spends the night. 

All you do is talk and it’s light and enjoyable and for the first time this month his heart stings a pretty pain. And that’s why, desping knowing, it’s wrong and the time is not right [but when is it right?] he mentions that Rindou is coming tomorrow to see you. 

The brief glint of joy that lights up your eyes doesn’t escape him. But it’s there for a mere second and then you are you again. Without Rindou or Ran in your life. 

“Tell him to stay in the back then. He would distract me with his stupid face and I want everything to go smoothly tomorrow,” he knows you are only half joking and he makes a point to actually hold Rindou at the back. But then it won’t do any good, because you’ll stumble upon him in the crowd anyway. You two could never escape each other and Haruchiyo feels slightly jealous. Then, you add, in a whisper. “It might be my last year at the university after all.” 

It’s a slip up on your side because your eyes go wide and you stare at him and then hurriedly you sprint to the bathroom and stay there for seventeen minutes and when you come out you say you are going to sleep. Tomorrow is a big day after all. 

Patient and sweet, Haruchiyo nods and takes a step forward, lurching you into a big hug. He kisses the crown of your head and feels you tremble in his arms. You might think he is someone else, but he is not, and he leans back, looking at you with a genuine kind smile that screams at you you are home and whatever you do I’m right here. 

He knows he doesn’t need to say anything and yet he does. “Whatever you do or say it’s right to me. If you want to drop out then be it. If you want to switch majors or change universities be it. Mhm? Now, go rest and do your best tomorrow. I'll be right there and so will be Rin.” 

You nod at him and disappear to your bedroom. Back in time, you would always share the bed, but today there’s a pillow and a blanket on the sofa and it’s been almost three weeks since you’ve been with Ran and yet you still have his claim over you. 

Hands on his tummy Haruchiyo lies on your sofa. Green plant with wide leaves tickles his feet and he stands up to move it aside. He wonders if even one night Ran spent on his couch and he laughs to himself at this absurd thought. 

Of course not. Ran’s place is by your side. Body is made of muscles, flesh and skin, Haruchiyo thinks, blood and bones. Hair and nails. 

But not yours. 

Yours is made of Ran touches and his presence. His sweet words and loving stares. 

It probably eats you alive on the nights when he is not with you. On those days you are restless and tired and lonely and your body is burning and your mind is tortured. On those days you think, you think, you think and there’s no end to it. No salvation and no easiness. No ice pressed to the wound. Nothing. Just you and black absence of Ran and what he is. 

Today is such a day and it hurts you and Haruchiyo drowns in your pain as nothing more exists in your small apartment in Nippori. 

On the day of the showcase it’s snowing. The world is white and very beautiful. 

Despite it being awfully cold Haruchiyo is only wearing a thin leather jacket Senju got him for his eighteenth birthday years ago. It’s his favourite. Under it is a thick navy sweater. This too is a gift, but from you. A spontaneous one. You said to him you got it because it reminded you of him. How and why you associated it with him is a mystery. He never asked you. But he likes it no less than the leather jacket. 

He is wearing them both today. 

When Rindou comes in, cheeks red from cold and hair messy from running down the hall, he is afraid he missed your performance. 

“The road was so fucking slippery and Ran wasn’t home so I used my Kawasaki to get here,” Rindou explains in a hushed whisper. 

“Does Ran know today is the showcase day?” 

Before replying, Rindou rolls his eyes. The question is a bit stupid, Haruchiyo agrees. Ran knows everything about you. “Of course he does. And I told him about the dinner too, but he hasn’t said a thing back which is a good sign. He might actually come. I was hoping he would be here already, but I guess you haven’t seen him.” 

Haruchiyo shakes his head. He hasn’t seen Ran here and when he parked his own Kawasaki - a model just below Rindou’s -  he didn't see Ran’s car everywhere. Not that he looked specifically for it so it might be that he just hadn’t noticed it. 

The conversation between them is cut short, because you appear on the stage. There’s no music yet. Just a red draped curtain behind you and a circle of light in which you stand. All eyes are on you, but it seems like no one notices the slight shaking of your right hand that is raised in the air. Nor do they see your wobbly legs. 

The music plays and you start to dance. This time, unlike last year, you don’t have a costume on. It’s your usual practising attire that you wear. A leotard and shorts. And Haruchiyo wonders if it’s meant to be that way. He squints his eyes and tries to convey what your dance is about, but he can’t understand a thing. It confuses him because never before did that ever happen. 

Haruchiyo blinks and turns to Rindou. [He believes Rindou always understood you better. Which isn’t true at all. He just tries harder.]

“What the fuck is going on?” Is all he says. 

“She’s hurting. Physically. Something is hurting her, but… It’s her feet. Shit! Haru, we need to stop it. She’s hurting herself.” 

The broken clock inside Haruchiyo clicks and all the gears fall into their right place. For once he gets it. The strange outfit, the mannerism, the simplicity of it all and the absence of everything. The blood on your feet and wet stains you leave after yourself. 

In the second row someone is sick. The small girlish voice shouts something that couldn't be heard under the weight of your performance. No one can tear their eyes away from you and even Rindou who was so eager to help you stays frozen to the place. 

Cruelty and violence are always marvelling. It’s in their ugly beauty that people find themselves. 

It ends as quickly as it started. 

The girl from the second row marshes through the open door to the safety of the halls and Haruchiyo recognizes in her Aoki Ogura. He notices her crying red face, but does nothing to stop her. There’s guilt evident in her scared eyes and Haruchiyo hopes she suffocates in it. The last thing he hears from her is her throwing up somewhere down the corridor. He wonders if she’s embarrassed. For what she did to you and for the pool of acid that somebody will clear up for her lately. 

The light is on and the music is off when you take your dance shoes off and shake them in the air. The broken glass and razors waterfall to the floor and you smile widely. Almost insanely. Your mouth quivers as if you want to say something, but at last you don’t. You place your shoes soaked with blood in the middle of the stage and bow. Then you leave. Then Rindou takes off and latches himself onto the dean of the Univercity. His beige coat covers them both as he strikes the old man in the face. Once. Twice. Thrice. No one is stopping him. 

Everyone is still staring at your shoes. 

The night is dark and the snow is still falling when Haruchiyo finds you splayed out on the asphalt in the middle of the parking lot. 

For a mere moment he stops and he feels like the whole world stops too. It’s silent as he paints the image of you laying on the ground with a thin white veil hugging your body that reminds him too much of cerements. 

The image is sorrowful and it’s beautiful. Like you, this night and bloody snow. 

Your wounds are still open and bleeding. 

“What on Earth were you thinking?” As always Haruchiyo isn’t harsh or reprimanding you.

He isn’t Rindou to scold you for your stupidities and he isn’t Ran to worry about you more than he needs to just because you are you. Haruchiyo loves you in a special way where he doesn’t try much, but gives you everything anyway. 

“I just wanted them to see what I am,” you utter, cracking your eyes open. “Just wanted them to know I am enough. No glass or razors can stop me.” There’s something else you aren’t saying, but Haruchiyo knows what it is already. He kneels down to you and a smile on his face matches yours. Tired, but triumphant. 

“Art is a beautiful form of expression, isn’t it?” The question is rhetoric and he isn’t expecting you to answer him so he takes a deep breath and takes your hand in his. A mere reassurance and everything beyond it. “Now, let’s get you to the hospital. Gotta make sure you are okay.” ‘Thank you, Haru.” 

“Anytime, love.” The night is dark and beautiful and full of light that shines right through you and those you care about. 

Since early childhood Haruchiyo hated hospitals. 

He hated the lethargic smell, the richness of white colour everywhere and apologetic gazes of the stuff. Blunt himself he couldn’t stand the half-said truth and insincere apologies. He avoided hospitals like plague. And maybe if Rindou wasn’t so occupied with getting his anger out on the dean, he wouldn’t have taken you there himself, instead handing this task to Rindou. 

But here he is. An hour later with you submitted and Rindou in the emergency care getting his broken nose checked. Doctors said he might need a cast. Haruchiyo can barely picture Rindou with a white cast across his face, but he laughs nonetheless. He doubts it will cut the girls off Rindou though. The last time he got into a fight - on your behalf again - and had bruises all over his face, every single girl at university had fallen in love with him. Thus, if they weren’t in love with him before. 

Haitani curse. 

So, Haruchiyo really really really doubts the cast will scare anyone. 

More time passes and then Rindou joins him in the waiting area. Without cast, but with a plaster across his handsome face. Haruchiyo grins at the sight and Rindou elbows him between his ribs. Not hard. Playfully. 

All the anger gone from his being. 

As they wait for the news on your condition they stay silent. Each thinking of you, but probably in very different contexts. It’s only fair as you were never the same for them. Stagnancy and constancy were never your forte. You are the best at evolving, moving and… dancing. 

The doctor leads them both to your appointed room. He is a handsome male in his early thirties and he is very to the point when he says that you will be okay and that they cleaned your wounds and bandaged them and that you will need to do the same procedure for at least two weeks until you are fully healed. Some cuts were too deep, he mentions, if they weren’t it wouldn’t take so long. He mentions that you also needed stitches on your left sole, but it’s too nothing to worry about and you don’t need to get them taken off at the hospital, they will dissolve with time. 

He tells all that under three minutes that it takes him to guide boys to your room. He opens the door and hastily adds that today you will need to stay here, but tomorrow you can probably go home. Probably. If the blood that they drew from you is good and there’s no infections. 

The chances for that are low. Don’t worry. And with that he is gone. 

On the huge medical bed with both your bandaged feet poking out of the thick duvet you look almost comical. Haruchiyo wants to say just that, but notices how your eyes widen and mouth hangs open and then your arms are open, inviting Rindou for a hug. In his hold you cry. 

“I am so sorry,” you repeat again and again. 

It’s a loud mantra, a plea, and Haruchiyo isn’t that sure it’s intended solely to Rindou.

“You shouldn’t be. It’s okay. I am glad you are okay. I am so fucking glad you are fine.” But Rindou can’t peel himself off you and Haruchiyo understands why. He understands why your fingers are in his blonde hair and why your tears salten his cheek; why you can’t pull yourself away from his comfort.  

He doesn’t interrupt. He lets you soak in Rindou and lets Rindou enjoy the feeling of your warm skin. The sight is quite usual to him - you and Rindou, and Haruchiyo to have always been very touchy among each other - but there’s something new, something raw and therefore incredibly sincere between your bodies that attracts his attention. 

He feels like he is intruding so he turns away and walks to the window. The snow is still falling and the night is quite dark, but in the parking lot he can see Ran’s white Honda that stands proudly under the light of the streetlamp and his mouth stretches into a knowing smile. Haruchiyo closes his eyes thinking that what were the odds of your windows facing the fucking parking lot.

Life, it seems, is full of sweet coincidences and their outcomes.

“Honestly, I was half expecting my brother to get expelled at one point, but you, love? Never.” 

Ran’s voice is sweet with just a tinge of mocking to it. Only he can speak like that. Haruchiyo is a firm believer no one in the whole world can insult you and charm you at the same time as well as Ran can. 

And then it’s you and Haruchiyo doesn’t need to turn around and open his eyes to see how you slowly pull away from Rindou. How you close off for a second, eyes going wide as if you witnessed the most vile horror. How your lips tremble and how your whole body melts. How you pick yourself up and notice the soft gaze that Ran reserves only for those he loves. How he looks at you and no one else. 

How you understand once again what it means and how you fall into Ran again. How you love him and how he loves you. 

Love is yet a foreign concept to Haruchiyo and he hates hospitals, but he thinks he understands. 

He doesn’t need to see to feel it all. 

“I was dropping out anyway,” you confess. “What’s in the bag?” 

“Purin daifuku, those pizza chips, Pocky and soda.” 

“You didn’t bring anything for us?” If Rindou tries to hide the fact that he is a bit offended, he does it poorly. 

“No, I didn’t. You can’t stay here for the night anyway.” Ran says in his usual calm tone. Then he addresses you. “I asked if I could take you home today, but they told me we need to wait for the results till morning. Stupid if you’d ask me. But I’ll keep you company. You both can go now.” 

Under different circumstances Haruchiyo would have argued with Ran. Just for the sake of it. But right now, when he turns around and sees Ran sitting on your bed, his long hair down, head resting against yours as he holds both of your hands in his, all the words die in his throat. 

But not Rindou’s. His best friend seems agitated. “What do you mean? Why can’t we stay and you can?” “Only close family and such can stay with a patient overnight. If I were you I wouldn’t be worried about that, but about an ugly bruise that’s gonna appear on your face tomorrow. You better go home and apply that Kobayashi cream we have. Works like a miracle.” 

“Since when are you her close family?” Deliberately Rindou ignores Ran’s warnings, latching onto what he wants to know. “Okay. Let’s go, Rin.” Haruchiyo grabs Rindou by his elbow and pulls him towards the door. “We’ll see you both tomorrow.”

When Haruchiyo closes the door behind him he catches the last glimpse of you and Ran. For a split moment that will forever float between those walls of the patient room, he sees Ran leaning closer to you. He watches as his fingers brush across your jaw and your breath hitch. Ran smiles at you and his smile is so gentle, so loving, so comforting and reassuring. Haruchiyo understands why you were hurting so much when Ran wasn’t with you. He finally understands the longing. 

And yet, the smile is nothing compared to the way he looks at you. The pure raw affection he reserves just for you, that was never and will never be spent on anybody else, excludes Haruchiyo fastly and sharply. He is not needed there. No one is. 

He closes the door and sighs. Maybe hospitals aren't that awful after all. 

The thin paper doesn’t do much to prevent their asses from freezing. It was Rindou’s idea - a bad one - to lay down a thick layer of newspaper he spotted in the reception room on the parapet so they could sit on it and share a cigarette before deciding what to do next. Now it got all soggy from the snow and brought more wetness. It was like sitting in a dirty puddle. 

But the view from here was quite serene and a cigarette pleasantly burnt their throats so none of them moved. Before them was a highway and each passing car passed so fast from where they were it looked like it flew in the air. Their tires high in the sky, the lights guiding beacons. It reminded Haruchiyo of a sci-fi movie Takeomi once rented at a DVD store near their old flat. Title and plot of it was completely forgotten, but finding himself in a similar scenery brought back the unusual feeling of childish excitement. Something new was before them and Haruchiyo couldn’t wait for it. 

“Don’t you feel a bit sad?” Asked Rindou breaking the silence. 

Haruchiyo expected this question and even though he was thinking of the perfect answer for it for a while nothing right came to his head. Maybe there’s questions and problems that will never be solved and maybe that’s okay. Maybe not everything needs to be perfectly in order. 

“Don’t we always feel a bit sad?” The cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth Haruchiyo turned around and looked at his best friend. “Wouldn’t it be a boring plain world if we were happy all the time?” Rindou shrugs. Between the snowflakes and lights from the hospital windows he looks exceptionally beautiful. “I wouldn’t mind being happy all the time.”

“You only think so, Rin. And anyway it’s not like she’s gone. She’s still our best friend and will always be this. You were stupid to not talk to her. Now that you finally made up I can finally tell you that.” 

Haruchiyo laughs. His laugh is dry, but sincere. The bark he produces would suit a gangster way more than it suits him now, but maybe under the layer of time and all possible varieties that is our life somewhere out there he is one. 

Everything is possible and nothing is sure. 

“And don’t you think Ran always kinda liked her? I thought that it might be because she’s your best friend that he is attentive to her, but now that I am thinking about it I am not really sure.” 

Rindou takes off his fogged up glasses and reaches Haruchiyo to wipe them with the sweater you bought. He sighs. “Well, yeah. I mean Ran isn't a douchebag to other girls, but he was extra nice with her. I wonder when he understood it. She told me they spent a lot of time together during summer. So it probably happened then.”

“Probably.” Not that it matters now, Haruchiyo wants to add, but doesn’t. Instead, he asks. “What are you gonna do now that you got expelled?” 

“I am going to run a nightclub. Make my fucking dream come true. Ran said we have enough money to rent a decent place in Roppongi. In a couple of years if everything goes alright we can buy it and make it truly ours. What do you think she’s gonna do?” The wind blows south and snow stops falling. Everything seems still. Somewhere behind in the building is you and Ran. Probably talking or kissing. It doesn’t matter since you have each other. And Haruchiyo has Rindou. And to be honest, you are never truly alone. There’s always someone with you or within you. Present now or in the past. 

Wickedly Haruchiyo smiles and stands up from the parapet. His pants are thoroughly soaked, but he is warm. Despite everything, today is a good day. “Don’t you know? She’s gonna look out for the kid her and Ran made a couple of months ago.” Haruchiyo watches Rindou’s face fall and he laughs, licking his lips. “I am kidding. Or not really. Saw a test in her bathroom when I stayed over and she mentioned dropping out to me. Said she was sick of dancing. Don’t make such a face, Rin!” Haruchiyo laughs again and again and then Rindou laughs too. “We can think about this in the morning… Now don’t you want to eat something? I am fucking starving.” “Ramen or soba?” “Soba.” “Well, soba it is then. Let’s go.” Their motorcycles roar a long time after they are gone, but the smell of youth they carried never fades away. 

It stays forever. 

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