#now to finish parks and recreation

[mcwexlerscigarette]

i finished 30 rock :(

#despite the show taking me months to finish amd despite me forgetting almost everything i watched i really do like the show #and im sad that i finished it #now to finish parks and recreation #and after that i will start the americans and rewatch house

[souptomatobasil]

[First] [Previous] [Next] [Asterales]

#smile for me #smile for me game #comic #asterales #pabit #Avalon #Nick #Zanna #very tonal whiplash in this update :-) #whats all this then? #colour symbolism is what #also a recreation of the raptors in the kitchen scene from jurassic park hehehe #anyway long update because this sequence has been finished for a while now :-)

[queers-gambit]

God's Plan

prompt: your boyfriend carries the worst parts of his job home, bringing to life one of your deepest-seeded insecurities. or when Carmy calls you clingy.

pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!reader pairing: Carmy x Peach

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

word count: 3.3k+

note: she's short. she's to the point. author doesn't want to hear a GODDAMN THING about "glorifying" toxic relationships. shut the fuck up, eat your cereal, read the fic or just scroll away.

warnings: cursing, small angst, short fic, author mildly gave up, hurt with no real comfort, allusion to toxic family relationship, insecurity, not edited.

part two: Two to Tango

browse Clingy Baby collection masterlist here

"Hey, what're you still doin' here?"

You glanced up from your computer, smiling at your coworker, "Just trying to get the study notes finished so they can be used for the analysis."

"Okay...? But you realize what time it is, right?"

You hummed, glancing at the analog clock, "Just about 7?"

"Yeah, so, go home," she chuckled. "Work's still gonna be here tomorrow."

"I'll see you then," you dismissed softly, watching her smile and turn away from your desk. You tried to get back into work, but the truth was, you felt overly burned out, but still wanted to work because it'd make you feel better being "good" at your job.

So, in reality, you didn't get home until 10:56 pm, yet still beat Carmy. You ate something simple, cleaned up, got a shower, and crashed into bed. You didn't know the time, but Carmy eventually came home; his arm heavy around you when settling for sleep.

You were the first up and out the door the next morning, just barely seeing Carmy when he got up for coffee. You managed a single kiss before rushing away, needing to get to work on time. When you got there, your entire morning was blocked for client meetings, then you took lunch, later, team meetings, and then the last hour or so of work was meant for individual recreation.

Another day of staying late, trying to finish work you thought was important. Another day of getting home late, missing your man, going to bed, and only seeing him the following morning.

However, this time at work, your boss told you that the analysis meetings were pushed back by a week... So, technically, you stayed late and busted your ass for no literal reason! And your coworker's entire cup of coffee spilled on you. And your Outlook email was under maintenance, so, you couldn't really work. And then, to top off a really shitty week, your car was hit in the parking lot and now had a huge fucking dent.

You were beat.

You were overwhelmed.

You were miserable, stressed, righteously confused.

You didn't stay late that night. Instead, you left at a normal hour and texted Carmy:

what time do you think you'll be off?

He replied when you got to your car:

maybe around 8?

You sniffled, nodding, answering:

okay, see you when you get home.

As you exited the parking lot, he replied:

what? you're off?

And you answered:

yeah, couldn't stand being there much longer. think you could get off a little early?

When you made three turns, he sent back:

i'll try, peach 💙

When you got home, you felt utterly defeated. Life felt like a never ending shitshow that refused to alleviate most of the stress you forced to endure. You were in tears by the time you got in the door, angrily stripping and getting a long, hot shower. You cried a little longer. When you got out, you got dressed in cozy shorts and one of Carmy's sweatshirts; going about a few household chores when you realized it was already past 9.

You didn't really want to, but you texted Carmy again,

hey, are you gonna be much later?

You made a simple meal, eating it in silence. When you were doing dishes, Carmy answered,

i don't know, going over menu items with syd. text you on my way home

You just went to bed, exhaustion from the week catching up to you.

Sometime later, you felt Carmy crawl into bed beside you. You were only half awake, but still turned over and nestled into his chest, hearing him sigh. "You're home late," you mumbled.

"Sorry f'wakin' you, Peach," he whispered, pecking your forehead. "You good, baby?"

"S'been a long fuckin' week," you squeezed him.

He sighed, "Sorry it was rough, Peach, but hey, hey, back up a little, 's kinda warm."

"But I haven't seen you."

"I know, but it's just warm. We'll cuddle in the morning, okay?" You only sighed and turned back over to face away from him. You resettled with your pillow, just settling when he asked in a hardened tone, "You mad?"

"No, Carmen, go to sleep."

"You sound mad."

"I'm not."

"I don't mean to piss you off, it's just been a long night f'me and I don't want to cuddle right now," he said in a sharp tone that made your stomach coil and churn.

"Shut up, I'm not mad, Carmen, go to sleep."

He scoffed, your irritation spiking. "You're really fucking mad 'cause I don't want you laying on me right now?"

"No, Carmen, Jesus - "

"Callin' me fuckin' Carmen doesn't help," he snapped.

You sat up and turned to him, "You want me to be mad? Maybe I'm a little pissed off that I've barely seen my boyfriend this week! Not like you've made an effort to speak to me, but I've had a pretty shitty time at work, too - so, excuse the fuck outta me for feeling disappointed!"

"Disappointed in fucking what, Peach? In not wanting t'cuddle right now?"

"Maybe, yeah! I'm upset, stressed out, maybe I just wanted some comfort, God! Now you're all up in arms, I just wanted to go to sleep - but no, you want to pick at me!"

"Oh, Jesus, fucking Christ! You couldn't just talk to me about you having a shitty week, you gotta be laid up on me? When the fuck did you get so Goddamn clingy and desperate for fucking attention? Huh? So fucking desperate for love? Sorry you had a shitty week, darling, but you're not alone in that. Sorry if it's fucking hot and I just want to sleep."

Feeling yourself fighting a losing battle because he wasn't listening, you just sighed, "Okay, Carmen."

He scoffed again, turning over to face away from you, "Know what? Fuck you, sweetheart."

You stared at his back for a long minute, feeling shocked by his words. "You can be such a fucking dick, you know that?" You snapped, standing from bed.

"And you can be a dramatic bitch."

"Yeah, that's me, the bitch you chose, huh!?" You rolled your eyes and nodded sarcastically; taking the blanket from the end of the bed, figuring he wouldn't miss it since he was so fucking hot. With only your phone and charger, you went out to the living room and crashed on the couch; covering up and crying quietly into a pillow from the overwhelming stress built in your chest. You felt guilt plunging your stomach, tearing it apart; feeling as if it were your fault for having physical touch as a love language.

Sleep evaded you that night. About an hour before your alarm, you called in sick and shut your phone off, resettling in misery as Carmy left the bedroom for work. You didn't move, never opened your eyes. However, they popped open in surprise when Carmen shoved your shoulder, "Hey."

"What?" You muttered.

"You're late for work."

"Called in."

He snorted, "Yeah, must be nice."

You didn't say anything else, feeling utterly defeated by his sharp words. The lack of response made Carmy pause and glance over at you from the kitchen, honest surprise coloring his system because he usually knew you to bite back. But you were quiet and still, the only indication you were even alive being the slow drag of your shoulders.

He let the door slam after he left for work, and you instantly sobbed. What you didn't know was that Carmy had come back, forgetting something mundane, and came to a halt outside the door when he heard you crying. He felt guilty, but Carmy wasn't usually one to confront problems; he instead ran away, like always.

After a night of exhaustion, you finally cry yourself to sleep.

When Carmy got home that night after work, he found you still huddled on the couch. After a look around, he realized you hadn't moved all day; nothing to eat, nothing to drink... He wanted to wake you but still felt so fucking irritated from his job that the idea of reconciling with you felt far fetched. So, he did what he did best and isolated himself by going to the gym for a few hours.

You still hadn't woken up when he got back.

So, he just went to bed; hating sleeping alone but hating his pride more because it refused to let him get up and go get you. Carry you to bed. Smother you in apologies. Beg for forgiveness. He was cold that night.

You were awake around 4 am.

The entire apartment felt as cold and aloof as your boyfriend. You felt so silly for still being there, knowing you paid for an apartment of your own, but liking that Carmy's place was closer to your work. And he never asked you to leave, in fact, the times you went home, he was calling you within hours to beg you to come back because he hated sleeping alone.

Whatever happened to that lad? The one who was so in-love with you that he would desperately ask you to come "home" to him? Who was this man now? Who called you clingy, desperate... A bitch.

You could only stand to make coffee, feeling powerless in this tension. You didn't want him to ignore you any longer, feeling like you'd drop to your knees for his forgiveness if it would end this feud; but you weren't so naïve. You spent several long minutes mentally prepping yourself for more anxiety, telling yourself you could handle the day if you just powered through it. Everything should be fine so long as you didn't do anything else to upset him, as long as you didn't do anything to warrant him yelling at you - again.

You finally decided on an emotion, since you could feel so many at any given point in time, and since this situation was one you've never encountered before. Carmy had brought forth one of your biggest insecurities and then smashed it in your face like punk-ass siblings did to your birthday cake. You decided you were hurt by his words, tone, and actions; you were hurt by the man you loved unconditionally, and that was a terrifying thought on its own. He was once a man you thought couldn't do any wrong, to now being a man you were unsure of how to even speak to; fearful, as you once were as a child, to upset him and create hostility directed at you.

Carmy often forgot he didn't have a monopoly on toxic, complicated family dynamics, but being that Mikey was still so fresh for him, you kept quiet about your own issues in an effort to be a loving, supportive girlfriend. Yet even while trying not to upset anyone, to create tension, you somehow managed to. You felt your heart and soul shrivel into a withered raisin when you remembered your family and how they constantly put you down; saying that nobody wanted a girl like you who tried, tried, and tried again only to fail. They thought you were damaged goods, treated you as such and always smeared your name in the mud whenever you thought you had found someone to love you and be loved by you.

All that trauma was rearing its ugly head now, making doubt sink into the cracks of your relationship. No matter how hard he tried, Carmy couldn't ever take those words back once they've been said, and he had to understand that going forward, this would strain your relationship. Taking anger and frustration out on you was inappropriate, putting a bad taste in your mouth; making you wonder how the hell you'd ever move past this when his words circled your head like water draining from the sink.

Sometime around 9 am, you were curled up on the couch with your coffee and a book; Saturday dragging by slowly to allow you the reprieve of being off work. The bedroom door opened and you held your breath; sweat breaking out on your brow; heart stammering in your chest. When he came out, Carmy didn't look at you, which allowed you to watch him. He made a to-go cup of coffee, then shouldered his backpack before heading for the door.

"Carmy?" You asked softly in confusion, "I thought you were off today?"

"I am," he replied stiffly, "but I gotta run errands."

You didn't have time to respond before he was storming out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. You blinked in shock, confusion plunging your heart to your feet as you realized he didn't ask you to join him, in fact, he didn't appear to want to tell you his plans until you had to ask directly when he was walking out the door. You felt terrible, more tears swelling in your eyes at the discord your boyfriend prolonged.

Something in your heart snapped and you stood from your seat. With anger coursing through your veins, you turned into a miniature tornado and quickly started gathering whatever you could get your hands on that belonged to you. You had enough, you felt hurt, yes, we established this, but then the disrespect started to overflow out of your heart to color your blood. Never linger where you're not wanted, you should never tear yourself down to that level. Never should have to second guess yourself, either - especially in a space where you're supposed to be safe.

You started to wonder: is it clingy if you made dinner and saved him a plate? Is it clingy if you did his laundry? What about cuddling? Is that clingy? Well, apparently! What else are you wrong about? If you texted him? Asked his opinion? What about if you held his hand - is that clingy, too? Probably!

Physical touch and quality time were your love languages, but after this reaction, you wondered if everything you'd do from now on would be judged? Would you be crucified for showing your love? For trying to participate in your relationship?

All day, you moved your stuff back to your apartment. All shoes, clothes, purses, make-up, haircare and skincare products - any and all period products, too. You left fucking nothing; going as far as to lay face-down the photo of your two on his bedside stand. You'd of taken it, too, but you felt sick at the thought so you left it for him. Sunday night, you didn't return to his apartment, and Carmy didn't call to say goodnight; both figuring the other was still pissed off. Your Monday was long and annoying, but once it was over, you had to admit, it was strange returning to an empty apartment, heat up leftovers, eat while watching some Netflix show, and then crashing into bed - moving mechanically.

Days passed uneventfully, albeit, a bit sluggishly. And then, Thursday arrived, and with it, the shit that would hit the fan.

You were enraptured in this book by Anne Tyler called "Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant," and couldn't stop reading it. You nursed a mug of tea, the outside darkening with an approaching thunderstorm that would talk to you in the silence and send bolts of lightning to illuminate the city. A shrill ringtone then played, making you jump slightly and glance at your phone only to see Carmy's contact name and photo.

You stare at your phone for a long moment, and then, after convincing yourself that ignoring him would only add fuel to the fire, answered quietly, "Hello?"

"Peach? Hey, uh... Are you, um, still at work?"

"No?"

"Where are you, then?"

"I'm home."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"I'm standing right here and you're not, baby, unless you got superpowers or something?" He chuckled nervously, hearing nothing on your end. "In fact, I, uh... I don't see any of your things. You move 'em?"

He'd never admit it, but your personal touch in his living space transformed it into a home; and now that they were all gone, he hated how cold, dreary, and grey the apartment felt.

"Carmy, I mean my home. You know? The apartment I still pay for?"

"Oh, well... Why're you there?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I had to bring my stuff back and leave it somewhere safe."

"It was safe here, Peach," he argued.

"Yeah, but it's your space and last thing I need is to be yelled at and insulted again for being clingy 'cause I left clothes at your apartment."

"Fuc'k's sake," You heard him hiss under his breath, bringing tears to your eyes. "You know I don't mind, I want you to leave shit here so it's easier on you to commute. Look, you know it's Thursday, right? Does our standing date night ring any bells?"

"Okay, but we haven't honored that in weeks? You know, 'cause you've been really busy."

"I thought we could get back into it tonight."

You sighed, turning the page in your book, "No, I don't think so, but thanks anyway."

He took a long pause, asking nervously, "What's wrong, Peach?"

"Nothing. Is there anything else, Carmen? I'm in the middle of shit."

"Oh, uh, n-no, I guess that's it. You comin' over tomorrow?"

"No. I told my brother I'd help him this weekend."

"But tomorrow's... Friday?"

"Yeah, that's how a calendar works. I have to travel to get to him," you scoffed.

"You didn't think to tell me?"

"Why would I?"

"You tell me everything! You don't think that's something I should know? That my girl's not even gonna be here this weekend?"

"Well, you're the one who said I was fucking clingy, remember!?" You finally snapped. "So, I'm giving you all that space you wanted!"

"Baby - "

"No, it's a great idea. We need space, Carmen; this isn't fair to either of us anymore," you spoke seriously, the line going quiet.

"What?"

"We need space from this relationship."

"I don't. I don't need space, Peach, baby, no, just listen, okay? I'm so sorry, I came home stressed out and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, I really am, this isn't what I want. Okay? I'm sorry. Just - come back home and we can - "

"No, you know what? I think I'm the one who needs this space," you snapped. "You said some pretty fucked up things, Carmen, that you can't ever take back, and now that I know, I can't un-know what you think about me. So, I need time to sort myself out."

"What're you saying? A-Are you breaking up with me?"

"Not yet, no."

"Baby, don't do this. C'mon, okay? I'm sorry, baby, I-I-I was wrong for what I said, I didn't - I didn't mean it! None of it, okay? Know I love you, baby, please, just come home, okay? I'm so sorry, I love that you wanna be close to me, I shouldn't've pushed you away. I'm sorry, okay? Please, baby, I'm so sorry. I need you, Peach, please. Just come home, we'll talk it through, I promise, no yelling - "

"I think you already said it all. Your words were 'clingy' and 'desperate'. Oh, and you also called me a 'bitch', so, I'd hate to be the bitch that makes your already stressful life all the harder."

"I didn't mean that - "

"I gotta go, Carmen, we'll talk later, okay? Goodnight."

He froze when he listened to those three distinct beeps that indicated you hung up on him. Confusion and hurt now seeped into the cracks of Carmy's heart; wondering when the hell he'd become so Goddamn self destructive to ruin the best thing he's ever had - you. The apartment might as well turned into ice with the way the light left, your departure suddenly haunting him.

When will these boys learn? The love of a good woman is rare, they'd only ever be so lucky as to think they deserve a woman like you. Nobody ever gets to guilt you for your love language(s) and then grovel for forgiveness. You deserve better, you deserve more; whether you could see that right now or not, you deserved to be loved in the best way for you. And sometimes, that means walking away from something you once thought was exactly what you wanted, but perhaps, never what you needed - call that God's Plan.

[ part two: ] Two to Tango

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

Clingy Baby collection masterlist

#carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #carmy x reader #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x you #carmy berzatto imagine #carmy berzatto angst #the bear #the bear fx #fx the bear #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto fic #carmen berzatto fanfiction

[jnnul]

ric flair drip

a/n: oh my god. it's finished. i've finally written all of her. i genuinely don't know how to explain the relief i feel right now. it feels strange writing this after writing and healing myself through writing this. i hope that anyone in college who's feeling the way y/n or jaehyun did knows that you can and will grow from it. heartbreak is inevitable and so is growth. quick note: feedback, comments, etc. GREATLY encourage writers! if you felt any sort of way (in a good or bad way!) about this fic, pls leave feedback!

word count: 20k

tags: college au!, frat boy!jaehyun x girlboss!y/n, honestly it just a dissertation about modern love and how people nowadays love each other, there's a lot of soul searching in this one, i poured my heart and soul into this please love her the way i do warnings: mentions of sex, underage drinking, and general college shenanigans! also explicit mentions of oral sex, uhhh foreplay and sex

HONESTLY, NOTHING ABOUT JUNG JAEHYUN IS REMOTELY APPEALING TO YOU. you hate the perfect boy act he puts on, you hate his need to impress everyone and everything, and you really fucking hated his dick.

because if it wasn't for his dick, which you were sure is just as perfect as the rest of his stupid self, you wouldn't be awake at inhumane hours, listening to your friend recount their sexcapades.

"oh my god, and then he did this thing with his tongue and i swear, i'm literally never going to be able to have oral again. he's fucking ruined me. i'm genuinely going to just make every guy i fuck put a jaehyun mask on from now onwards just to recreate it," sia yoo, unfortunately one of your best friends, quips dreamily. she yelps when roseanne park, your roommate and singular other voice of reason, throws a pillow at her.

"you sound like a fucking psycho. as in needs to be checked to a mental facility psycho. as in if i hadn't heard worse when you got with johnny suh, i'd be calling the cops right now psycho," roseanne says and easily ducks when sia winds up to throw the pillow back at her. fatima khan, sia's roommate and mother friend extraordinaire, pouts sympathetically with sia as the two of them turn to you as if you would fall on their side.

"sia, baby, honey, love and light of my life - i'm really sorry but i'm with rosie on this one," you say and sia puts on the most theatrical frown you she possibly could before she cocks her head curiously.

"rosie's got a reason for judging jaehyun since she doesn't even like men all that much. what's your excuse, y/n? you like men, judging by the way you were getting railed to next week by that freshie park seonghwa. you've never gotten dicked down by jaehyun."

you're half-tempted so tell sia that it's not fucking weird that you got with seonghwa, considering the fact that you're only a sophomore yourself but you're even more tempted to remind her that even though you were no stranger to a good time, you never recount your stories.

in fact, the only reason why the other three (well, you suppose rosie would know regardless given that you literally live with her) know about your sex life is because you choose to tell them whenever you felt like it. and usually, it was more than three days after the encounter.

you loved your friends, you really did - and sia was notorious for getting into one night stand rehash sessions at ungodly hours, so this was nothing new - but for some reason, every time jaehyun's name came up in the conversation, your skin would prickle with irritation.

maybe it was the fact that every single person around you seemed to be infatuated with him. or the fact that he was just so effortlessly good at capturing the attention of everyone in the room, no matter where he was.

or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that you knew that if you looked too closely into the deep end, you'd fall right in with no life jacket. and jaehyun was an endless ocean.

+++

maybe you had given jaehyun too much credit, you lament. maybe jung jaehyun's as deep as a fucking kiddie pool. you know you're wrong because you were in the same english literature class and the man had been published because the professor liked his prose so much, she had submitted it to a literary journal.

and they had accepted it.

but as you stare at him across the lecture hall, burning holes into the poor guy's skull, you sure think he's stupid. because there was no way in fresh hell that jung jaehyun was in an introduction to east asia class. as a south korean.

people begin settling into their seats as you mull over the possibility that jaehyun had fucked so much, his brain had fallen out through his dick. from the stories of his more than above average size, it was definitely not out of the realm of possibility.

just as you're send a very judgmental text to fatima, who was supposed to be taking the class with you but had had to switch last minute when one of her major required classes opened up, jaehyun gets out of his seat to stand at the front of the room, next to the professor.

you realize belatedly that the people jaehyun had been so animatedly speaking to were none other than bambam and ten - two people who most definitely were in this class. and of course, they had chosen this class over all the others because oh my god, jung jaehyun is the uta for this class.

in hindsight, it makes sense, given that jaehyun is a east asian studies minor and a stellar fucking student. but it doesn't make the text you were about to send fatima any less humiliating as you realize your attempts to undermine his character were desperately failing. you try to backtrack on your phone, deleting the winding paragraph you were about to send her when your thumb slips, accidentally sending a half written message.

you: jaehyun is fucking

you're sure the statement will be true within the next couple hours (the jung bed at the nct frat never seemed to stay empty for too long - and that was just from orientation week last week) but it felt almost blasphemous that you would send a text so crude to your friend when you insisted that you couldn't stand his guts.

or what lay between them, really.

three gray dots appear on your screen as you half-heartedly listen to your professor drone on about how he went to china, became a changed man, and now taught about the wonders of east asia and its exoticism. his name was paul but the class could refer to him by his 'enlightened name' - lao ma. even jaehyun rolls his eyes behind the professor's back as all of the asian kids in the classroom begin to eye each other warily.

if this class wasn't so easy, you're sure the population would've shrunk to a quarter its size based on the weirdness of the professor on its own. or maybe not, if it meant that people got to stare at jaehyun's gorgeous face for an hour and a half every monday morning.

mommy tima 🤍: honey, i think whatever sia's got going is contagious. mommy tima 🤍: aren't you the one who hates him? mommy tima 🤍: he really lives in your mind rent free, huh.

you scoff under your breath as you type furiously, vaguely registering that you definitely need to check the syllabus for this class later because you have not been listening to a word the professor has said this whole time.

you: first sia's got cooties or a raging std that's what she's got going you: second he's my fucking uta you: as in i am going to be forced to see his face for an entire semester mommy tima 🤍: drop the class then, babe. you: can't this is too good for my gpa & the prof's a freak you: it's a gpa cushion and a circus in one go

you tuck your phone away when you see that jaehyun is coming up the aisle on your side with a packet while the professor is on the other aisle on the other side with the same packet to hand out. jaehyun probably wouldn't care that you had your phone out during lecture (syllabus week was just an excuse for college kids to get drunk during school days anyway) but it was the principle of the thing.

"here you go - oh, it's stuck together," jaehyun says as he stops at where you're sitting. his tongue slips out as he thumbs at the packet to give you one instead of three and suddenly, your treacherous brain takes you back to sia's rambling the night before.

and then he did this thing with his tongue...

you're shaken back to reality when you realize that you're staring at a blank wall, with a pink packet in front of you, and jaehyun has already reached the back of the classroom.

fuck. shit. bitch.

jaehyun had seen you stare at his stupidly handsome face and then some. he was your ta. oh my god, what if he docked points on some test because he thought you were the creepy stalker type.

damn you, sia yoo, you curse in your head.

+++

"damn you, sia yoo!" you yell over the blaring music that's so loud, you can feel the vibrations in your skull. there absolutely no reason you should be caught dead in a frat on the friday of syllabus week but sia had made it her mission to make sure you had a going out rate of at least 80% this school year, given that you were prone to trying to skip out on weekends out last year.

not that you didn't like going out - you actually really liked going out with your friends. you just took a little more inertia to get to the energy levels of actually going on.

sia just nods at you lazily as she bounces to the beat of another shitty remix of 'what you came for' by calvin harris and rihanna. you never understood why frats always found the worst remixes of classic party bangers but anything flew after you had enough alcohol in your system so the music would recede to the depths of your mind in a couple cups of whatever the fuck this drink was.

especially since you were a full sunshine drunk; whenever you were drunk, you became the life of the party and would always be found in the center of the room, regardless of the music. sia was a flirty drunk and you really couldn't remember the last time sia actually spent the entire weekend in her own bed. props to her stamina, honestly.

rosie was a mix of you and sia in that she would become so much more bubbly but the second she found someone she wanted to spend the night with, she went after them with no hesitation.

fatima usually played the role of sober mommy when you all went out. although she was never one to miss out on a good time, when she did get drunk, she much preferred it to be within the confines of the four walls that she shared with her roommate and the people she trusted the most - you, rosie, and sia.

which is why when rosie abandons you for her on again, off again fuck buddy (miyeon cho) and her fuck buddy (yugyeom kim), you're not surprised at all.

"that's going to be an interesting story in the morning," you say, nodding to where rosie, miyeon, and yugyeom are all heading upstairs together. fatima nudges you to look at sia, where she's pressed up against none other than johnny suh (or the love of her life, prior to jaehyun, apparently).

"that's going to be an interesting story in the afternoon," fatima counters. you turn to her with furrowed eyebrows, as if to question the timing. "i don't think i've ever heard of a girl leaving johnny's bed before 3 o'clock the next afternoon."

your jaw hangs in shock as you watch your friend wrap her arms around the tall man's neck, whispering something into his ear when he bends down to kiss her collarbone.

"are all of the nct boys secretly porn stars or something? how can they all be that good in bed?" you gape, waving at sia when she turns around to wink at you and fatima as her and johnny are bustling out of the door, undoubtedly to the nct frat house.

"they test us as part of rushing," says a low, velvety voice behind you. a hot rush of shame runs up your spine for two reasons: a) you were able to recognize jung jaehyun just from his voice and b) he heard you gossiping about his frat brothers' sexual prowess.

you exchange a look with fatima before whipping around to meet jaehyun eye to eye. he's wearing a plain black t-shirt and lightwash distressed jeans but he might as well be wearing designer trash bags for all you care. what you do care about, unfortunately, is the almost slutty way his v-neck dips to show off the beginnings of the planes of his chest.

you feel no better than a victorian man and it takes fatima a poorly concealed cough to break you out of your thoughts. fuck, you'd done it again. you really needed to stop getting caught up in jung jaehyun's pretty face. and body. and that stupid smile.

"haha. very funny. sounds like something straight out of a cheesy porno sponsored by viagra or something," you say, rolling your eyes. smooth. very smooth. normally, you like to think that you're proficient in the witty banter department but something about this boy made you almost feel dumb about your comebacks.

jaehyun cocks an eyebrow, and you're distinctly made aware that even with platform sneakers on, jaehyun is a good head taller than you when you have to look upwards to notice the motion. "you seem to be well versed, y/n. you make it a habit to stay up to date?"

you flush at the thinly veiled euphemism at your x-rated movie watching habits before clearing your throat. "i'm more of a fan of practical study, really. i am a scientist, after all."

you're aware that fatima has slipped away from you to talk to another friend, park jeonghwa, and also the fact that you are slowly beginning your descent into drunkenness but you can't seem to bring yourself to find the caution in it all. it's just jaehyun, after all.

jaehyun hums, bringing the solo cup in his hand to his lips to take a swig. "you're a biomedical engineering major, aren't you?"

you balk at that. "wait, wait. you know my name and my major?"

jaehyun nods slowly, seemingly stumbling for a moment before he gains his self-confidence once more. "you don't know mine?"

"you're literally my ta. i know you're an east asian studies minor and your name because you told the class," you say, recovering quickly. it was a really good thing you were a quick thinker because you were lying through your teeth.

you knew jaehyun's name, minor, and even major (computer science) because of his notorious reputation, not because he was your ta. but the last thing you wanted was to give him the satisfaction of asserting his popularity on campus.

"anyway. what was that you were saying about 'practical study'?" jaehyun's eyes twinkle in the dim lighting of the cramped basement you were in and you had a feeling that if you were any more inebriated, you'd be diving headfirst into jung jaehyun's bed as long as he looked at you like that.

but fortunately (unfortunately?) you're sober enough to make mostly intelligent decisions - which just means that you're not going to jump headfirst. maybe feet first but not headfirst.

"wouldn't you like to know," you sing-song, leaning into jaehyun's body enough to smell the mix of woody pine, fresh water, and vodka that seems to emanate from him. jaehyun watches you as you lean over him to grab another solo cup from the assortment that some lower ranked frat brother had been forced into bartending.

you down the entire drink in two swigs, patting away the stray stream of alcohol that had dripped down onto your chest. you don't notice the way jaehyun's eyes follow your hand down its descent to your chest. but you finally feel like your element, and in a moment of sheer idiocy and liquid courage, you enter the growing throng of bodies behind you, beckoning jaehyun to follow you.

you're not 100% sure what you want from him, honestly. you want to have a good time, and you're sure you'll have one with or without him. but something about the way jaehyun follows you like a puppy into the mess of people makes you feel like a zap of electricity has hit your body.

and if you're being completely honest with yourself (as you usually only are with ethanol in your system), you really didn't hate jaehyun. you had no qualms with him as a person, even if you hated the consequences that came with a night with him.

it's when you're in the middle of the crowd, with jaehyun looking at you with those hooded eyes and hands tucked into his pockets when you realize what you want from jaehyun jung.

you want him to desire you the way that his mere presence makes people desire him.

so you do what you do best and just let go. it's ric flair drip by metro boomin that's playing - a song that's definitely not the one to get down to. but the bass fills you up in a way that never hits the same outside of a sweaty frat basement so you can't even bring yourself to care.

"i'm tryna fuck you and your bestie," you sing along with the near hundred people surrounding you. jaehyun is still looking at you with an eyebrow sitting higher and an appraising expression; something that somehow manages to get under your skin.

in a moment of passion, you manage to hook your fingers into one of jaehyun's belt loops, pulling him closer to you. you're aware that you've painted yourself to be jaehyun's next conquest if the way that the girls next to you look upset means anything, but you couldn't care less.

especially when you're this close to the bane of your existence. the song switches to something a little more what you need (under the influence by chris brown) and you look up at jaehyun through your lashes and in that moment, jaehyun knows what you're offering him through your gaze.

a challenge.

+++

jaehyun never really meant to take on the role of nct's resident whore. in fact, jaehyun had been planning on doing the exact opposite when he came to college.

although it was unbelievable now, jaehyun jung had originally just been a very strange, nerdy, and sweet boy. he never got up to much trouble, kept to himself most of the time, and was known for...nothing, really. he was sweet and bubbly but he wasn't exactly running with the popular crowd.

in fact, jaehyun was kinda forgotten all throughout his schooling. it was easy to forget about jaehyun, as though he were some visage in a dream that everyone shared.

it hurt.

so when jaehyun finally hit his growth spurt in senior year, started going to the gym, and his voice no longer cracked every other sentence, he felt like a whole new person. like he was finally the main character in his own life.

it felt so fucking good to look at the same girls who had smiled at him pitifully and have them melting under a single wink. the summer between high school and college had been wild, with more stories than jaehyun could really even care to keep track of.

but when college began, jaehyun was fully intending to return to flying under the radar with his new upgrade in personality, appearance, and wardrobe. with a face like his, however, doing so was about as easy as trying to pass professor yoon's intro to bio class - nearly impossible.

slowly but surely, jaehyun morphed back into the personality he had adopted that summer and surprisingly, it wasn't as foreign as he thought. he was still a good student and wasn't a stranger to having to skip out on hanging out with his friends to study.

but having a new girl in his bed every other day? that was definitely new. a new revelation, but a welcome one nonetheless.

and in that, jaehyun was used to people using all sorts of tactics to get with him. playing hard to get, with coy smiles and flirtatious winks. or the bold ones, who told him straight up that they wanted to spend the night with him. even the downright horrifying ones who tried to pretend like they were blackout drunk in hopes that that would 'attract' him. spoiler alert? it didn't.

jaehyun originally thought you were of the 'hard to get' caliber. the type of girl to say that she wasn't like other girls and that's why he should get with her instead. so initially, when he approached you at the party after seeing you in his class, he was mentally preparing himself for the whole pick me speech.

but it was something about the way you looked at him.

it was like two halves of your mind were battling against each other. on one hand, you looked like you wanted to fax jaehyun straight into the fiery pits of hell with high speed shipping. on the other, it also seemed like you wanted nothing more than to ride him until the sun came up. mixed with a little bit of curiosity, confusion, and downright anger with yourself for all the emotions, you looked like the perfect cocktail of firebrand that jaehyun couldn't help but become intrigued by.

so when you were laughingly talking to your best friend (jaehyun's frat brother kun was half in love with fatima, which meant that jaehyun was more than well acquainted with her) about him and frat brothers, he took it to be the opportunity he needed.

and when you're looking at him like this, daring him to make a move, almost as if to make your mind fall one way or another about drawing a conclusion on him, what is jaehyun to do but to make good on the challenge you've offered?

he watches you for a moment more, trying to commit the memory of what you look like when you're this carefree and happy, before taking the micro-step it takes to get so close he can smell the citrus and apple cider that you seem to always smell like.

"i promise you i can fuck you better than johnny," jaehyun says, a corner of his lips tilted up as your eyes flutter the closer he draws.

"johnny's your 'bestie'?" you say, and jaehyun can tell that the last threads of your resolve are starting to snap by the way that your hand is now pressed against his chest.

"that's what you're curious about right now? the dynamics of the nct frat brothers?" jaehyun asks but he knows that this back and forth is exactly you need right now; the time to decide if you can take the plunge. or if jaehyun's worth your time tonight.

"as i mentioned, i'm a scientist," you say, and even as your voice stays stable, your fingers seem to leave burning trails against jaehyun's skin as they dip and feed into crevices of jaehyun's body that he didn't even know existed.

"hmm," jaehyun manages to eke out when your fingers lace into his hair. he's not sure how you manage to find every single sensitive spot he has but he's fairly impressed by the way you catch his breath hitching as you work your other hand up as well.

"hmm? cat got your tongue, jaehyun?" you say, making sure that jaehyun looks straight into your eyes as you lean impossibly closer. "you know that sia's with johnny right now, right? girls talk - especially with your best friends. which means that if you can't make good on your promise, i will find out."

jaehyun feels like he's sweating like a pig but thankfully, you don't notice, too busy making him sweat. he clears his throat once, and then twice to make sure that his voice doesn't give out.

"that right?" he says, and you roll your eyes, letting go of him and stepping back. you seem to appraise him for a moment (and jaehyun is unnaturally nervous about what you will decide) before grabbing his hand and leading him to the door. you only pause to flag down fatima, who takes one look at your intertwined hands, and waves the two of you away.

jaehyun blushes like a schoolgirl at the way fatima flashes him a catty smile.

"i swear to god, jaehyun, if you're all talk and no game - or if you're gonna sit still and look pretty the whole time - i will literally blue ball you. i don't do pillow princes," you throw over your shoulder as the two of you make your way to the nct frat. jaehyun knows for a fact that the nct frat will not be a quiet place tonight by the number of dresses and pants he sees in the foyer and leading the way up the stairs.

he says nothing, even as you're quite nearly storming up the stairs with a certain level of urgency, almost as though if you were to slow down and think about just exactly what you're doing, you'd turn around and leave right now.

jaehyun definitely can't let that happen.

so the second that he gets you into his bedroom (he had to rock, paper, scissors with doyoung to get the room tonight), he shuts the door and locks it behind him. he turns around to see you looking between the two beds, as if trying to guess which one was jaehyun's.

he mentally pats himself on the back when he sees the fresh sheets on the bed. reaching where you stand in less than a stride, jaehyun turns you so that you're facing his bed, and you squirm to turn to meet his eyes even as his hands are on your waist.

"what is with your hands?" you ask harshly and jaehyun blinks as he looks down.

"what do you mean? they're on your waist," jaehyun says softly, and once again, he's hit with a wave of citrus and apple cider. you simper at him, grabbing his wrist and moving it incriminatingly downwards.

"what am i? a virgin? put them somewhere useful." you whisper the last part and it's as though jaehyun has just woken up.

"you know," jaehyun begins, sliding his other hand downwards to sit comfortably on the curve of your ass. "if i didn't know any better, i'd think you were trying to rile me up. i wonder..."

he doesn't finish his thought, instead pulling you close so that your hips are pressed against his. he can hear the gasp that you're desperately trying to conceal, coughing uselessly to the side. a devilish smirk grows on jaehyun's lips and for the first time in a long time, you're sure you're going to be up all night.

+++

you were, in fact, trying to rile him up. you had heard all the rumors about jaehyun and johnny, about how one night with them was like one night in heaven. hell, you'd had first hand accounts from sia yoo about exactly what it's like to be in bed with either of them - multiple times.

so when jaehyun had fronted with such a cautious attitude when he realized what you wanted, you were almost offended. if you wanted to take control and fuck a man's brains out, you could do that with anyone. why would you fight against your own mind this much to get with him?

but seonghwa park. changkyun im. even kun qian, before you discovered he was head over heels for fatima. jung jaehyun.

these were all people who put you in your place. the way you wanted to be. it just seemed as though jaehyun might've needed a little more persuasion to get there.

so yes, you were riling him up. was that such a crime?

by the way jaehyun's looking at you right now, his breath hot and heavy on your neck and his eyes dark with a feeling that you can't describe but resonates with you on a deeper, more primal level.

"you know, after you got with kun, he wouldn't shut up about it for a week," jaehyun says, pressing kisses down your neck, pausing when he reaches your breastbone. he eyes your corset top with a discerning eye before reaching behind you to pull the lace strings that were precariously holding your top for a week.

"yeah?" you ask, threading your fingers through jaehyun's thick hair as he makes quick work of your top, leaving it pooled on the floor as his lips find your chest as though he couldn't be physically parted from it.

"yeah. even after he met fatima, he said that you were the best he's ever had - that's a big reputation to live up to when you're in nct," jaehyun says, his voice breathy and deep as he walks you backwards so that the back of your knees hit the frame of his bed.

"hmm. what can i say? i know what i want and what i want is usually lots of fun," you say, letting jaehyun unzip your jeans, pulling them down and kicking them off when jaehyun moves too slowly.

"i know. god, after knowing that you and kun were going at it, i swear everyone was jerking off in their room for an hour. even winwin wanted to go for you today. you're an unpredictable woman; no one knows where and when you're going to show up to one of the parties so everyone has to take their chances when they get them," jaehyun says, tugging his shirt off and throwing it somewhere behind him carelessly.

you nearly melt when you see jaehyun's uncovered top, eyeing each and every hard ridge of his body, reaching out to touch him. his chest is almost soothingly warm as your fingers memorize each and every aspect of the planes of his chest, almost worried that they might disappear if you let go.

jaehyun looks at you amusingly as he lets your fingers dance across his body, focusing on tugging your panties off to discard them where he's sure he's going to have to search for them later on.

you pout when you see the difference in clothing but jaehyun just gently pushes you backwards so that your back is against his bed, leaving your pussy exposed in away that makes you feel absolutely mortified. you move to gain some level of privacy back but jaehyun is too fast, gripping onto your thighs incriminatingly as he raises an eyebrow.

"don't think that i'm soft just because i'm being nice to you now, pretty girl. i know you don't like to listen but don't hide from me. i will not let you have any fun if you try to hide from me," jaehyun says, his voice dropping a full octave. you suppress the shiver that runs through your body (and that simultaneously delights jaehyun) as you nod softly.

he seems satisfied by the way your body melts and rewards you for your submission by licking a wet strip up your pussy, one hand snaking up to touch your nipple while the other one keeps your thighs open.

jaehyun is slow at first, exploring each and every hidden crevice of your body but as he feels you get wetter and wetter, he can't seem to stay soft for too long. he continues to press his lips against yours but the moment you try to grind your hips against his lips, he pulls away, his tongue darting out to taste your essence on him.

you almost whine at the loss of his hot mouth on your pussy, and you're embarrassed to realize that in front of jaehyun jung, you are no better than your best friend in falling in love with the way he moves.

"you're not going to cum from my tongue, baby," jaehyun says, practically ripping the belt out from where it was caging his jeans. "especially when i know that your pussy is magic."

"you say that, jaehyun, but you're being so fucking soft. if i didn't know any better, i'd think you're in love with me," you snort, trying to catch your breath. jaehyun freezes from where his boxers are hanging so low on his hips, you can see the muscles in his pelvis tense angrily as he looks at you dangerously.

"my fucking bad for making sure you're wet enough to take me," jaehyun whispers, pulling close to you. his eyes turn even darker than usual and a small spark of excitement ignites in your chest when you realize that you've finally reached it - jaehyun's breaking point.

"sounds like you're scared, jaehyun. you know what? you know why kun was so good? because he wasn't scared. he wasn't scared to fuck me like he was trying to break the bed," you retort, and saying kun's name is when jaehyun finally snaps. he tears his boxers off as he pushes you so that you're further up on his bed.

"y/n, i'm not fucking joking around. if you want me to stop, say it now. just say the word, and i'll pretend like this never happened. because i swear to every god in existence, if you let me, i'll ruin every other man for you," jaehyun says and his knuckles turn white from how hard his clenching his fingers to keep himself from pouncing. the thought is almost cute if you weren't desperate to be fucked into next week.

"if i wanted you to stop, i wouldn't have said kun's name, would i?"

that's all it takes. no sooner do the words leave your mouth, jaehyun's on top of you, every inch of his body fighting to claim yours. he's not sure what it is about being with a bratty girl but every time a girl tries to challenge him, jaehyun can feel his excitement grow as his mind runs wild with ways to prove you wrong.

and with a girl as beautiful and sexy as you? he was going to have the time of his life.

time of his life he does.

+++

when jaehyun wakes up, he's almost happy. almost because he has bruises on his hips from how hard he had pounded into you, a litter of hickeys across his chest, and freshly washed hair from when you had enticed him into taking a shower with you.

inevitably, it led to another hour in the shower that jaehyun had spent having his soul sucked out from his dick, eating you out under the shower, and seeing you cum twice just from his tongue.

if only he had woken up with you still in his bed, jaehyun would've actually been happy.

realistically, jaehyun had no clue what he was expecting. after taking a shower, it had taken you a total of five minutes to fall asleep in his arms, wearing nothing but jaehyun's oversized t-shirt and your panties.

there was no pillowtalk, no heart to hearts, nothing. no discussions of having whatever happened last night happening again. no trying to get to know each other better.

not that you had ever been obligated to do so. if anything, jaehyun was far more obligated to do so, after practically declaring that he had wanted to get with you since last semester - which he had been completely serious about.

but with his reputation, regardless of what he had said last night, jaehyun's almost 100% sure that you would've disappeared by the morning.

he's so caught up in his thoughts that he almost misses the bright pink post-it note on his neatly folded shirt on his desk in the corner of the room.

9.5/10. if you see sia, tell her she was right about your tongue. see you in intro to east asia on monday.

jaehyun's half disappointed and half happy. disappointed because you'd never left your number or anything and happy because at least he knew that you weren't going to completely avoid him whenever you ran into each other next.

he shakes his head as he folds the post-it note and throws it in the trash can next to his desk.

jaehyun jung may not have started college with the intention of becoming the resident fuckboy but he still had a reputation to maintain. he had fucked countless women over his time at sm university and he had no intention of falling for any of them.

he was not about to get soft-hearted or soft-dicked by a girl he was with once.

even if she was really good in bed. like really really good. like good enough to make him think about the other boys she's been with and if they'd made you feel as good as he did.

fuck. her. which jaehyun had already done. which meant that he needed to move onto the next step of the day before his head exploded with all of the implications flying around in his mind about their relation to each other (nonexistent) and if you were thinking about him like he was thinking of you (you weren't).

he pads out of his room, passing doyoung on the way out, who claps him on the back and says, "you finally got with y/n?" jaehyun doesn't know how doyoung knows but it strikes him that neither of you are very subtle people and you had caused quite the scene leaving with him last night.

similar reactions are offered to him by everyone he passes. he's not really sure how many of the boys you've been with but jaehyun can feel his street cred go up by at least a decameter with the way some of these pledges are looking at him.

in fact, everyone is looking at him with a new look of respect in their eyes until he reaches the kitchen, where yoo sia and johnny are sitting, practically eye-fucking.

jaehyun was very used to seeing johnny's friends in the kitchen the next day, neither of them ready to really say goodbye each other yet but for some reason, knowing that sia was your best friend and seeing her with johnny sets jaehyun's stomach into a series of knots that he was sure he was going to have to unravel when he had his head on straight.

"she already left?" sia says, finally breaking her stare from johnny's. jaehyun shrugs, digging around the fridge to see if they had any coffee. they didn't (none that wasn't expired anyway) so he has to settle for a caprisun.

"she had somewhere to be," jaehyun says. he wants to ask sia if it's normal for you to leave that early. it can't be if sia seems surprised that you'd left before the clock struck ten. what did that mean? what does that say about jaehyun? oh god. what if you hated it. what if you hated it so much that you didn't want to spend a second longer with jaehyun.

he cringes as he locks eyes with another shiny eyed pledge (jaehyun thinks his name is jungwoo) and tries to shake his head to clear any and all thoughts of you. he was pussydrunk. that was the only explanation. he just needed to dick down someone else and then he would get over whatever little infatuation thing he had going on.

"really? hmm..." sia says finally. jaehyun turns to see her looking right at him and suddenly, he's transported back to the previous weekend, when sia had been wrapped up in his sheets.

+++

"why did you start fucking around like this?" sia had asked, her chest still heaving from their previous illicit activities as she wraps herself tighter in jaehyun's sheets. jaehyun pauses for a moment as he catches his breath, pulling on his boxers as he thinks. he throws the shirt that sia's grabbing at, still not sure how to piece together his thoughts.

or why he wants to tell sia the truth. maybe it's because no one's ever asked about it before, but jaehyun feels strangely vulnerable as sia watches as he clambers back into his bed, her expression pensive and uncharacteristically wise.

"i don't know," jaehyun says honestly, laying over the covers as he feels his face grow hotter under sia's unrelenting stare. "i think it's because i wanted to know what it felt like. to know what it felt like to be wanted for a night instead of just being in the sidelines as the guy with the potential. just the guy that people brought along as the friend of the hot guys that kept him around."

sia doesn't say anything, instead turning so that she was lying on her back. jaehyun turns to look at her, to see if he could decipher some level of understanding from her silence. really, he knows that he should feel embarrassed about confessing his insecurities to a girl that he's hooked up with two or three times but he can't bring himself to for some reason.

maybe it's because he knows that she wouldn't say anything about it to anyone. or because he knows that she's head over heels for johnny, whether she'd admit it or not. or maybe it's just because for the first time, someone had asked something about jaehyun just to get to know him as a person, rather than trying to get him in their bed.

not that he really minded that - it just made him feel like it was all a lot more transactional than he was used to. he had been a romantic once upon a time. when you grew up with the nickname of 'valentine boy', it would have been stranger if he didn't have some sense of romance.

but jaehyun's penchant for romance disappeared almost just as soon as he realized that no one else was yearning for a pure type of love like he was.

and yet, it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. turns out that jaehyun's a very adaptable man. if he wouldn't find love in this decade, then perhaps it would be lust that he would have to settle for.

"then again," he begins, gaze darting over to where sia had slipped on his t-shirt as she tiredly begins to settle down in his bed once more. "isn't that what everyone is doing nowadays? looking for a warm body for the night, instead of a genuine connection?"

sia snorts at that, turning so that she was facing jaehyun now. "don't tell me that you're one of the boomer types. the ones who always go around peacocking about how they were born in the wrong generation and that they're one of the 'good guys'. i might actually leave right now if you are."

"no, no i'm not. well. maybe a little bit. but i don't know why that's so bad to be honest," jaehyun acquiesces finally. sia rolls her eyes, but even she goes quiet for a moment. once again, jaehyun's reminded that this is sia yoo - a girl who routinely wakes up in someone else's sheets every saturday (although it was johnny's more often than not) and as sexist as it was, someone who carried a reputation for it. even jaehyun was surprised to find that she was such a deep conversationalist.

of course, he mentally berates himself soon after but he can't help the thought. for him, sia was just the girl he would get with a couple times. a good time. the fact that that's the only role she fulfilled in his mind made him feel disgusting inside out as he waits for her response, vowing that he would work to change his mindset. or maybe just change personalities altogether. ick.

"you know one of my best friends? y/n? the one who got with kun before he decided to go clean for fatima?" sia says with a careful tone. jaehyun nods, not trusting that he wouldn't say something dumb after his sudden realization of his flawed thinking.

"this is something she always says but it's honestly pretty simple: love is however you want to define it. humans spend so much trying to find labels and definitions for things that just might not have or need them. for such an advanced species, we spend so much time concerned about how to put a feeling into a box or how to classify a thought instead of rejoicing in the fact that we had such a beautiful feeling in the first place."

"for people in this generation, the old school love is hard to find because they've got so many other types of love that weren't allowed back when old school love was big. it's a different type of freedom to love someone on the weekends but never to fall in love with them. maybe we're just romanticizing hookup culture but who's to say that we can't? maybe we're all more romantic than we want to admit. maybe when we fall into the sheets with someone we barely know, we're looking for a fragment of love to satiate our heart in ways we didn't know it needed."

jaehyun doesn't know what to say to that so he just pulls her closer to him and she lets him, throwing her leg over his as they fall asleep, closer to each other than they had ever been.

+++

you're not sure what had compelled you to leave so quickly that morning. you usually like to get the boys who sleep with to at least cook you breakfast before you left (for compensation of being terrible in bed, if the situation so called for it) but for some reason, every instinct in your body had pulled you to leave.

you had waken up at nearly 5 in the morning, a mere two and a half hours after the two of you had fallen asleep, gathered your clothes, and were about to leave when you turn to look at jaehyun, still snoring away peacefully, his arm crossing his body to rest on the empty space next to him that you had occupied previously.

you had a feeling that you're going to lament leaving this early after psychoanalyzing why you were leaving so early later in the day but for now, if your gut was telling you to leave, you were going to heed the precautions.

but even as you're about to leave, you find yourself turning to jaehyun's desk, sparse but somehow still a little messy as you rummage for a post-it note and a pen to write with. you grin to yourself when you find yourself successful (and endearing somehow that jaehyun has bright pink post-it notes).

you pass a brother on the way out (undoubtedly a freshman who had received the short stick of the duties tonight) but you wave him off when he offers to walk you home. dangerous? most definitely. but you really needed the time and space to yourself and the short, almost ten minute walk back to your apartment would offer some enlightenment.

spoiler alert: it didn't. no matter how hard you wracked your brain to come up with some version of a logical explanation, you realized that there was just simply no way to do so.

and something about that frustrated you. you knew it wasn't a big deal. jaehyun was just a hook-up. a one night stand. and yet...something wasn't fitting right in your mind. so you start to think in the only way you know how, collecting all of the pieces of information you did have.

a) you just had sex - mind-blowing sex with jaehyun. he was everything you expected and more when it came to a sexual partner. b) you didn't develop feelings for him. sex comes fifth on the list of things you subconsciously (or now consciously, since you've spoken it into existence) have when looking for a potential boyfriend. first comes personality, then intelligence, then ambition, then looks, and then sex. you didn't even have a conversation long enough to figure out if jaehyun had more than three brain cells to piece together. c) jaehyun jung had confessed that he had wanted to get with you since last semester. did he mean with you-r body or with you?

you shake your head as if to physically shake the irrational thoughts in your mind out and press your id against the scanner at the entrance of your apartment building, rubbing your fingers against your temples as you get into the elevator to reach your apartment.

unlocking the door to your (empty) apartment, you decide to shelf the thoughts for some time when your head wasn't pounding and collapse on your bed, thanking the lords you'd had the sense to take a shower at jaehyun's.

and the last thing you remember is the smell of jaehyun's shampoo in your hair as you drift into blissful, dreamless sleep.

+++

you're not surprised to feel a weight on your bed when you wake up the next morning. you blearily open your eyes to make out sia's general figure, rosie and fatima undoubtedly chatting quietly in the kitchen.

you vaguely piece together something about fatima having kun over but him sleeping on the couch and you try to push down the guilt that creeps up into your brain as you realize that you had left fatima alone at the party. a party where all of you knew a lot of people (and the outcome was just as everyone had thought it would be) but the principle of the matter stung nonetheless.

you push aside the thought - along with the idea that you should probably apologize to fatima when the cottony feeling in your mouth started to subside - in favor of looking at sia, who is strangely quiet as she watches you gather yourself. for her boisterous personality, sia yoo could see through anyone to the extent of theorized telepathy so you don't even bother trying to hide anything from her.

although, it really is hard to take her seriously when she's got hickey's littered across her neck. well. you suppose you don't look much better at the moment.

"you left before 10 o'clock," sia says simply. you don't pretend to not understand what she means as you nod, pushing yourself up on your bed as fatima and rosie also enter, rosie handing you a glass of water.

"i know," you say softly. "but i want to hear about everyone else's nights right now. i just don't know that i'm in the right headspace to think about why i left so early - i'm not even sure i know why i left so early."

sia says nothing for a moment, watching your face, almost as if she were trying to read your very essence. but she relents, reaching out to hold your hand briefly before completely switching up, speaking animatedly about her very adventurous night, leaving you to simmer in your thoughts.

had sia always been this smart? probably. who's to say that she wasn't, after all?

turns out that sia and johnny were actually going to go on a date on wednesday, after realizing that their chemistry extended further out of the bedroom than either of them had expected. sia was through the roof, obviously, given that she had been thirsting over johnny (although more in a sexual sense than anything else) for so long.

rosie, miyeon, and yugyeom also worked a lot better than any of them had thought so you were sure that you were going to lose your roommate to the other '97 liners more often for the foreseeable future.

fatima was the only one who had a pg night, with kun coming over to her apartment and just chilling together the whole night, eventually having him sleep over since he was too tired to walk back to the apartment that he lived out (it was on the other side of campus, given that he moved out of the nct house pretty late into the semester last year).

"speaking of kun, when are you guys gonna make it official? i mean after this year, you guys are going to only have one year together before you guys graduate," you say, bunching your comforter before letting go. it felt weird saying that. especially in regards to your friends. theoretically, you had all the time in the world together.

but all the time in the world wasn't enough when it came to these girls.

fatima sighs before getting up, wringing her hands together as she thinks. "i don't know. i mean kun's graduating a year early so i really only have this year left. i - i know how much he likes me. i know that he wants to do this right way. go the whole nine yards."

"but...?" rosie says, elongating the syllables as you and sia look at her patiently. fatima shakes her head, getting up to walk around the room, six paces enough to take her from one side of your room to the other.

"i just don't know. kun's great and honestly, i really think that's the one. or at least one of the ones for me. but i just don't know if my parents would be okay with it. i mean my parents are great! they give me so much freedom and honestly, i'm really thankful that my parents allowed me to find religious and spiritual freedom on my own, without ever trying to shove it down my throat."

"but at the same time...how can i betray their trust in me by dating someone who is so far from my religion? like. kun is a great guy but he's not muslim. and sure, i don't follow a lot of the stricter things in islam but i - i have god in my heart. and i don't know that god would want me to start a family that doesn't follow islam. especially since i can see that in my future with kun and kun - i don't know that i could ask kun to convert to another religion for me."

the room is silent for a little bit after fatima finishes, with her collapsing in your bed next to you. rosie and sia exchange a look with each other, and then you, as they both decide to leave the room, leaving you to console fatima.

you were always the most philosophical one out of the bunch anyway.

"look, fatima, i can't pretend to know what it's like to have that kind of mental burden and i really can't understand what it's like to think about the future and be concerned about the impact on the world you might create. i read about something the other day though - did you know that kun means 'manifesting' or 'believing' in arabic?" fatima looks at you with disbelief written all over her face, shaking her head.

"how did you know that?" she asks and you just shrug, nodding at the 'islam for dummies' book you had bought in hopes of understanding a little bit more about one of your closest friend's religion.

"that's not the point. but fatima, you are the single kindest, most beautiful person i know. and i have faith that you will choose what's right for you, not what's right for the people around you because you know better than everyone that the only person who can judge you is god. and no one - no one - on this earth has the right to take that peace away from you."

fatima is silent before wrapping you in her arms, the soft material of her hoodie comforting you and lulling you back into a sleep that's dreamless and calm.

+++

jaehyun doesn't know what to expect when he walks into intro to east asia on monday. should he say hi? wave? start a conversation? should he acknowledge that he spent the better part of his weekend wondering if he would lose his fuckboy status if someone realized just how down bad he was for you?

probably anything but the last one was a good idea.

jaehyun was not in a good state of mind. he was a hot 19 year old man with a near perfect gpa (a whopping 3.98 only because he got a singular a-), a not so terrible set of dimples, and a killer body. and yet he was walking around like how he had been prior to his enlightening summer.

it's almost freeing but also humiliating to think that one night in bed was enough to make him start an entire philosophy but that was where jaehyun was at so who was he to question anything, really?

in fact, jaehyun is so caught up in what he would name his new branch of philosophy (loserism, with a lot of inspiration from zeno) that he doesn't even realize that you've already walked past him and taken your seat.

third row, first seat. you're putting your bag down next to your chair, pulling out your laptop, tossing your hair over your shoulder when it falls in your face. jaehyun tears his eyes away, knowing that this was not a good look for him.

if jaehyun really wanted to pursue you, which he was sure was where all of his jumbled emotions were eventually going to lead him anyway, he knew for a fact that you weren't going to be interested in having to take the lead. especially if jaehyun wasn't even sure that you were interested in the possibility.

but that's a struggle for another day. what was it that stephanie laurens said? that all women want sometimes is a little old-fashioned loving?

that was, in fact, the opposite of what sia had said you were really into but jaehyun had a sneaking suspicion that you wouldn't mind handing the reigns over in the decision making process portion of a relationship, or the courtship, if your time together this weekend alluded to anything.

jaehyun almost misses the beginning of the lecture, where professor ma (no one actually calls him that besides himself) was going into some of his favorite places to stay during his time in china. and while missing any portion of professor ma's lecture was of no crime, he also almost misses the way that you're looking straight at him, faking a yawn when jaehyun finally locks eyes with you.

professor ma was known for giving stellar recommendation letters (which was why johnny had coerced jaehyun into ta'ing for his class in the first place) but he was such a pain in the ass.

jaehyun has to keep from laughing out loud when he sees your exaggerated gestures to show how boring you were finding the professor's lecture to be, pulling himself together in time for him to finally be able to take a seat in the back of the classroom, professor ma having asked him to take attendance for the some two hundred students in the classroom. by hand.

he almost drops the piece of paper that you slide into his hand, subtly slipping it into the pocket of his basketball shorts as makes his way up the flight of stairs to the tenth row, dropping his backpack on the floor next to him, in a rush to open the delicate piece of paper in his hands.

there's only three words on the piece of paper and a series of dashes and yet jaehyun knows that this is all he needs. this is all the signal he needs to know that he wasn't imagining the chemistry or the tension between the two of you. and fuck what anyone said about his 'reputation'; it was jaehyun's turn - the old jaehyun's turn - to get the chance to experience the relationship he had always been dreaming of.

he rereads the little piece of paper before smiling and tucking it into his pocket again.

earn the rest. 9__-___-____.

+++

johnny suh is getting whiplash from his best friend's actions.

one day, he's asking sia yoo if her best friend usually leaves her one night stands by the time they wake up. then he's throwing said one night stand's notes into the trash can before leaving for some frat meeting or another.

the next day, he's carrying another note from the same one night stand he can't seem to get out of his head.

jaehyun doesn't tell johnny anything. he really doesn't need to at this point. johnny suh is a senior in college and he's pretty much seen it all. he's also the vice president of a frat - which means that even if he didn't have all the experience that he did just because of his seniority, he definitely seen it because of the sheer number of stupid decisions frat brothers will find themselves making when they think they're going to either a) get drunk b) get high c) get their dick wet.

johnny knows it's all in good fun (fun that he's definitely not opposed to) but jaehyun's always been a little bit of an enigma when it came to all of it. he was good at the drinking and alright at the getting high and absolutely fan-fucking-tastic at the getting his dick wet.

it was the goddamn dimples. everyone always fell for the dimples.

and sure, while jaehyun had had crushes before (johnny could read his little like no other), they'd always been fueled by the hormonal rush of adrenaline and testosterone pumping through his veins. in fact, johnny's not sure that jaehyun had had a proper crush on anyone at college after getting fucked over in high school, where johnny had also gone to with jaehyun.

not that johnny had really known jaehyun. he was quieter and kept to himself more then. didn't really hang out in the same crowd as johnny.

he knows that's not necessarily true. johnny had, truthfully, just completely overlooked jaehyun. like a lot of girls had until jaehyun had finally started to grow into his features.

but johnny knows jaehyun now and he also knows that if jaehyun had never met gianna lee, jaehyun wouldn't have ever dove headfirst into the deep end of shitfuckery and sleeping around with every breathing body in sight.

cliché story of course. college boy becomes a fuckboy after having his heart broken by a girl in high school. johnny's almost 100% positive that sia's shoved at least two or three novels like those in johnny's face, with the same exact plot.

but what is life but a series of clichés after all. and honestly, did it even matter? it was real. it happened to jaehyun. that was all. end of story.

so johnny doesn't even say a word when he sees the post-it note in jaehyun's trash can. he's silent as he watches sia and jaehyun talk and jaehyun fall into a period of overthinking (and jaehyun knows he's overthinking too because johnny can see him shake his head even as he continues to stare at the 'people' tab of intro to east asia).

and johnny finally decides to break his silence when he sees jaehyun with a new post-it note, although this time it was a much more tame blue post-it, and a pensive look.

jaehyun slips it to johnny to read as they're sitting at the local starbucks, with johnny filling out some paperwork for the job he was signed on for as soon as the school year ended and jaehyun studying for the organic chemistry exam he had coming up the next week.

he doesn't say anything when he passes the note but johnny can see him sideye-ing him to catch his reaction and it's all he can do to keep from letting a little smile slip through.

he hands the piece of paper back, watching as jaehyun immediately stuffs it into his backpack, and for some reason, he's really not sure what to say. if sia were here, she would know exactly what to say, and how to say it. she had a way of saying things that were a little too straightforward to feel good but also obviously coming from a generally good place.

it was one of the reasons why johnny had thought it would be a good idea to make it official with her. sia yoo was nothing like what johnny had thought - and the thought simultaneously frightens him and comforts him.

"you plan on asking her out on a date?" johnny says lightly, sliding his laptop over to pretend to look at his phone casually. in actuality, he's typing furiously to sia (one of the few people that johnny trusted or consulted when it came to advice giving) about what was happening.

johnny is not very surprised when sia's gray bubble appears, disappears, and then appears again only to say, "yeah, i know."

he waits for a more elaborate response. or even a more sia-like response but the more that he talks to her, the more johnny is learning that sia is more unpredictable than she really seems to be.

and sia yoo seems to be completely out of the box.

johnny shakes his head, as if to physically get rid of the thoughts of her from his head, unsure why he was thinking of her when he was supposed to be helping out one of his boys.

"yeah. i think so? i don't know. i mean we had a good time and we definitely have chemistry. but we literally just had one night in bed and that's it." jaehyun furrows his eyebrows as he realizes that's not just it. "well, there is the fact that kun was walking around singing her praises. and i know that fatima wouldn't be friends with kun or y/n if she wasn't sure they're both good people. not to mention the fact that i've always thought she's kinda hot. but it's always been superficial. even us spending the night together was really nothing more than finding each other hot or trying to figure out if the talk around town was real or not."

johnny takes a sip of his americano as he lets jaehyun's words sink into his own mind. jaehyun rests his heads on his arms crossed in front of him and johnny knows exactly the set of thoughts that's running through jaehyun's mind because they were the same as johnny's when he had decided to ask sia out on a date.

is it worth it? is it worth possibly getting my heart strung up on someone again just to face the possibility of breaking it again?

so johnny offers the only advice that he really has.

"talk to roseanne. girls' fiercest protectors are their friends and something tells me that talking to her will make you fall on one side or the other."

+++

the next time that jaehyun sees roseanne is a complete coincidence. he really only meant to say hi to one of his homies, yugyeom, on the way out of the library and hadn't expected to run into roseanne or miyeon at all. especially not a singular day after johnny had suggested that he seek her out in the first place.

he watches as yugyeom thumbs the rip in miyeon's jeans as he continues to talk to jaehyun about something jeongguk had done the previous weekend. and then he sees miyeon press a kiss to roseanne's cheek as she gets up to fill up her water bottle.

jaehyun didn't think he would understand that dynamic at all but whatever floated their boat. who was he to judge? he had watched the barbie movie and was still having a crisis about his masculinity and was actively searching out his one night stand's (were you still just his one night stand?) roommate and best friend to fix it. to be fair, he didn't really fully understand the barbie movie, to the chagrin of doyoung's girlfriend nairobi but that was besides the point.

yeah. jaehyun was really in no position to speak. wow he had a lot of things to work on internally. the more he talked to the women in his life, the more he was realizing this. again. not the point.

roseanne takes one look at his face and then exchanges a look with miyeon and then yugyeom before standing up and walking towards the exit, looking at jaehyun questioningly when she realizes that jaehyun hasn't moved an inch. jaehyun hurriedly bids yugyeom and miyeon goodbye as he rushes after her.

the two of them linger outside of the library and roseanne just raises an eyebrow as she appraises jaehyun. and for some reason, jaehyun stands up straighter, and she just sighs, a small smile playing on her lips.

"let me guess. 'who makes people work for their number? what is this? sprinkle sprinkle type of stuff?' or maybe 'this is kinda cringey, isn't it?' or just a sweet and simple 'what the actual fuck?'" roseanne says nonchalantly, listing out each possible question jaehyun could have come to ask.

"would it make me a bad man if i said yes to all of the above?" jaehyun asks, shoving his hands into his pockets. roseanne shrugs, crossing her arms across her chest.

"not really. i don't think so at least. it's a fair set of questions that even i asked her the first time a guy came up to me asking who the fuck my roommate thought she was," roseanne says. she takes sees the look of confusion on jaehyun's face as she continues, "you're definitely not the first person to ask me that but you are of a selective few. y/n usually doesn't let people get this far in the first place. and secondly, she doesn't really tell us much about people she's interested in until much later."

"she's a strange person, if i'm being honest with you. there's just something about her that makes her so captivating and invisible at the same time. she'll capture the attention of everyone in the room but if you talk to her, she'll make you feel like her best friend. she seems like an open book, and an even more open friend. and you feel so close to her within a conversation and then you end the conversation, you realize that even as she spoke, she revealed nothing about herself."

"i'm her best friend and i could tell you very confidently that i didn't know a single thing about her truly until recently. it made me frustrated at first. like i was a shitty friend or something. but the closer to her i got, the more i realized that she's always been a great friend but no one's been a great friend to her. she's very selective with the people she associates with - not just people she lets herself be seen with but people she confides in."

"this whole thing is a defense mechanism. she'd be caught dead before she'd ever admit it but she just hasn't been loved in the way that she's loved and now she's more guarded for it. i'll tell you this jaehyun, but if you want to give up, do it now. she says she's just going to give you her number if you earn it but once you get all 10 digits, know that she's gonna give you her heart."

"it seems like i'm violating girl code by telling you all this but like i said, even if you were to ask y/n, she would say the same thing. not in so many words but still. like i said. she's an open book and a closed heart. she knows you're gonna ask me and so she only tells me something that she would be okay with you hearing."

jaehyun, who had been listening quietly and patiently the whole time, cuts in with a quiet voice. "isn't it exhausting to live like that?"

roseanne looks at him strangely, as though she was truly seeing him for the first time. jaehyun doesn't know if he's offended or relieved that she'd done what he'd done to sia - made assumptions based on his appearance. he lands on neutral. it's human nature, to try and make proper guesses about who's gonna act like what.

the ancient art of preventing heartbreak, jaehyun supposes.

"maybe. i don't think so though. it's gotta be a different level of relief knowing that no one's gonna talk shit about you because a) no one knows you well enough to do that or b) because you're so careful with who you trust that you know they'd never betray you or even c) they can only talk about what you put out into the world. it's why censorship is so effective. people can only talk about what they know. there's few people who will ignore what they see to find what they can't see tangibly."

"are all of y/n's friends secretly poets or something? why the hell are you guys all speaking cryptically like you're all freemasons or some shit like that. i can't tell if i find it cringey or cool," jaehyun says, cocking his head.

roseanne lets out a real, full bellied laugh at that, clutching her stomach as chuckles escape her. jaehyun's not sure what he's said that's so funny but he knows for a fact that she's not laughing with him, but at him.

"why is it cringey, jaehyun? why would it be cool? it's just what it is. we're just girls. you'll see us at the party next weekend, drinking our weight in alcohol. we'll have the conversations about makeup and dresses and having fun and our future and our past. there's nothing like freemasonry, i promise. it's just so amusing to see men get alarmed by the thoughts that girls have been wrestling with since they've been twelve. the duality of man, i guess," roseanne says finally, once she's caught her breath.

jaehyun doesn't know how to respond to that so he elects to save the remaining tatters of his dignity by just not responding at all. if there's one thing he's learned about you, it's that you surround yourself by women who are not hesitant about putting him in his place. and he's oddly thankful for it.

"i have one last question. well, two last questions, actually," jaehyun says when he sees roseanne turning around to head back inside, still wiping the tears from her eyes from laughing too hard.

roseanne turns, a knowing glint in her eyes even before jaehyun asks his question.

"how many guys have talked to you? and what's the highest number anyone's ever gotten to?"

roseanne is silent and just as the silence begins to turn awkward, she promptly turns on her heel and begins to walk away. she opens the door to the library before she seemingly changes her mind and looks back at jaehyun.

"two guys have talked to me. you're gonna have to ask fatima about the second question though. and jaehyun? the next number is 6."

96_-___-____.

+++

jaehyun finds fatima not soon after his conversation with roseanne. he's sitting in the nct house, watching johnny pace back and forth in his room, trying to figure out if what he was wearing was too casual for a date to a bowling alley.

it was way too formal, in jaehyun's opinion. but he was just going to wait for johnny to finish panicking (even if he would never admit that he was, in fact, panicking) to figure that out on his own. seriously though, who wore a button down and slacks to a bowling alley?

then again, he was going on a date with sia yoo so really, anything was fairplay when it came to that girl. she was a whirlwind of literally everything that could possibly go into a human being. she was a maximalist to the fullest, seizing every opportunity she could to make good memories, pressing forward with a sense of perfect clarity and sobriety that most people would be scared of.

the type of girl who was the main character of any story that she would feature in. sia was the type of person that people who trip and fall over themselves trying to have a good time with that she practically promised. she walked around with fairy dust in her fingers and a strange sense of wisdom that felt like she could read you like a book within a singular meeting with her.

jaehyun knows that she's the most intimidating out of all of the girls. out of you, roseanne, fatima, and sia, she was hands down the most frightening because even though she could read everyone else, no one could really read her.

then there was roseanne. she was the wet dream of every girl alive - the reason why straight girls lamented that they were straight and still falling a little bit in love with her. she was hot, flirtatious to the extent of making everyone wonder what they were when she gave them even a split second of attention, and so incredibly full of life. it doesn't surprise jaehyun that she had become exclusive with miyeon and yugyeom. for some reason, he feels like she just wouldn't have been able to settle for liking one person at once.

she was a little too much for just one person to be able to handle. she was like the human personification of a leather jacket wearing, motorcycle driving, woody cologne smelling wattpad trope. jaehyun understands her appeal all too well.

and then there was fatima. she was kind, sweet, kept to herself, and always offered a helping hand to those around her. jaehyun understood why kun had fallen so hard for her within two minutes of meeting her. she had an air about her that made you feel like she was someone who truly cared about you, even if you didn't know her and she didn't know you all that well. she was the type of girl who was always forgotten in the novels about warriors and princesses. the girl who was often reduced to nothing more than the main character's best friend.

until you met a girl like her in real life. fatima was still a little forgotten, and jaehyun knew that. guys often overlooked her in favor of her 'hotter' or 'wilder' friends, which is admittedly what jaehyun had thought at first. but she was just so genuine and clearheaded. she protected her peace in a way that was so unusual for young, college-going students. not to say that sia, roseanne, or you weren't genuine or anything like that. but fatima was the type of girl that jaehyun knew was perfect for kun. the girl that he could go home and know that no matter what he had done in his past, she would love him all the same.

and there was you. smart, strangely private, and a series of contradictions housed within one heart. jaehyun wracks his brain, trying to gather everything that he knew about you and yet, he comes up empty.

frustratingly empty.

jaehyun vaguely registers the fact that johnny has finally changed and is getting ready to go. he knows that he should say something about how johnny should just be himself and that sia liking him is completely up to her, regardless of what johnny were to do. but when he locks eyes with johnny, he realizes that johnny already knows.

so jaehyun just claps him on the back as he heads back to his room, his mind spinning as he tries to think of everything that he knows about you. and he draws a blank every fucking time.

he knows superficial things about you. maybe it's because he doesn't know you like he knows your friends. he hasn't talked to you as much as he's talked to them. but how does he not know you? he's been wanting to get with you for so long. he wanted more than just your body. he wanted your charm and your appeal.

was it just your body? is that all it was? is that all jaehyun wanted? somehow, jaehyun doesn't want to believe that. he doesn't want that for himself. logically, he knows that gianna's impact on his life shouldn't be extending this far. he knows that he shouldn't want or have to fight himself this hard but you're not making it much easier for him.

when was the last time jaehyun wanted to get to know such an enigma of a girl? gianna lee. and he wants nothing to do with a girl like that ever again.

and yet, here he is. falling into the same trap all over again.

jaehyun's so caught up in his own thoughts, feeling himself starting to spiral when he bumps in fatima and kun, who are equally caught up in a conversation with each other.

"oh, my bad," jaehyun mumbles, ready for fatima to brush past him but she doesn't, looking at jaehyun and then kun.

"hey man, we're headed back to my place. why don't you come back with us?" kun offers, and jaehyun just nods blankly, as he starts to follow them out of the nct house. kun stops at the entrance where he picks up a textbook from yuta, who had been borrowing it for the last week, before the three of them make their way out.

"how are you, jaehyun?" fatima asks with a sweet smile as they pile into kun's car. somehow, jaehyun doesn't want to give her a generic, insincere answer.

"i'm...okay. i'm just okay. confused but okay," jaehyun says and fatima seems alright with this answer. kun pulls out of the 'driveway' of the frat house, exchanging in a quiet conversation with fatima about what they were planning on eating for the night, leaving jaehyun to simmer in his thoughts.

gianna lee. there was a name that he thought about almost every day and never all at the same time. the girl who had made him and broke him. the girl that jaehyun had trusted with his heart and made him regret ever doing that.

the girl who had been the first love of his life.

+++

gianna was a year younger than him. smart, so incredibly sweet, and yet someone that no one could confidently say that they knew. she was the type of girl who could slip under the radar as easily as her friends seemed to always stay on top of.

she ran in the same circle as jaehyun had in senior year, right when jaehyun was beginning to blossom into the man that he was today. she had always been kind to him, if not a little withdrawn, even when he was a skinny boy with proportions that absolutely did not seem to match each other.

jaehyun didn't even know her well enough for her to break his heart, honestly. jaehyun had liked her even before having a proper conversation with her. he knew how left out she felt in her own body. even though he couldn't imagine a more gorgeous girl, he knew that she didn't feel that way about herself.

he knew that she always compared herself to her friends. her well-accomplished, 'main character' best friends who were the talk of the school. and her. no matter how intelligent or kind or put together she was, no one really looked at her the way that jaehyun did. she knew it.

even jaehyun couldn't place why he liked her so much. maybe it was the fact that he was somehow comforted that a girl with so much beauty could feel the same way as him. maybe it was the fact that she had always held the same smile for him, regardless of what he looked like. or maybe it was even the fact that one time, she had held his hand as she pulled him across the street, running to catch up with their friends who had already crossed.

jaehyun just remembers looking at her dyed cherry red hair falling into her eyes as she laughs, pulling him forward to where the rest of their friends were standing. and as he breathes in the smoke in the air and the raspberry scent of her perfume, he just knows that he really, truly likes gianna lee.

gianna lee doesn't like him the way that he likes her. he knows that. logically, jaehyun knows that his feelings are truly unfounded. he really has no reason to like gianna the way that he does. and yet, there's a part of him that holds onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, she'll turn around with those big eyes and upturned lips and say that she likes him the way that he likes her.

so he continues to look at her first when he makes the friend group laugh. he always slips her a napkin when he's getting one for himself when they're out getting milkshakes. he offers to help her with apush when she's stressing about a test the next week.

the closer he gets to her, the more jaehyun realizes that really, she was nothing like the image of her he had conjured in his head. she was every bit sweet as he had thought but she was argumentative, competitive, and all too obsessed with perfection. she always needed to be right in an argument, always had to win, and always had to make sure that she looked flawless doing so.

jaehyun doesn't realize it, of course. he's so obsessed with his glazed over façade of her that he just continues to let her win the arguments even when he knows that she's wrong. and she lets him wrap his arms around her when she gets an 89% on her test.

he lets her walk all over him and she lets him act on his feelings.

it was a toxic, parasitic relationship that neither of them were truly happy in. when gianna asked him out, jaehyun hadn't felt like fireworks were going off in his stomach. he felt like he had won a prize at a marathon. like he'd won a medal.

gianna wasn't a medal. she was a flawed, beautiful human being - every bit gorgeous and horrible as jaehyun and every other human being was. but jaehyun had won, hadn't he?

he hadn't. and it took so long for him to realize that by the time he'd realized that gianna had really only taken to him out of pity, he was so far in his own head that he didn't know how to leave her.

eventually, the summer before college rolled around and gianna had taken it upon herself to do the nasty deed of breaking up with him. it had been an amicable split, as far as their friends were concerned.

but none of them had ever truly either of their friends. so what did they know?

what did they know about gianna finding comfort in her ex's arms? what did they know about her grades slipping at the end of the school year? what did they know about her having to excuse herself at a meeting for her internship to sob in the bathroom as she realized the true fallacy in the way she had acted? what did they know about the way she had to reconstruct herself bottom up? nothing.

what did they know about jaehyun spending every other night with a different girl, trying to ease the ache in his heart? what did they know about the obscene number of hours at the gym, not sure how to combat the sudden numbness after girl after girl? what did they know about the fact that jaehyun could not physically stand the smell of raspberries anymore? absolutely nothing.

no one knew anything until jaehyun had finally come to college. it was once he joined the frat and met guys who were so alike and different from him at the same time that he finally opened up about gianna.

only to doyoung, kun, and johnny but people nonetheless. everyone had gone through something similar - while for some it happened at college or back home, they all knew the pain. some of them were more in the fault than others but pain is pain and a paper cut bleeds the same red as a gunshot wound.

which is why when kun sits him down on the couch and fatima hands him a cup of iced tea to save them all from the sweltering heat as august makes a last stand against september's winds, jaehyun spills everything.

gianna. his past. his insecurities. everything. he knows he shouldn't. logically, fatima had nothing stopping her from going and telling everything that jaehyun had told her to you, but for some reason, jaehyun thinks that she won't.

she doesn't.

+++

fatima knows that jaehyun was going to talk to her about something like this. it seemed that all of the nct boys came with some level of trauma like this. she wasn't sure what it was about every single boy she had met in college (although, granted, they were either her friends' conquests or kun's friends - a very interesting group of very intertwined boys) having their hearts getting ripped to shreds. sometimes it was of their own volition but they all seemed to be some level of hurt either way.

so when jaehyun spills his heart out on kun's carpeted floors, she's ready with a well-rehearsed speech. he's one of six boys she'd already had this same exact conversation with (kun has a bad habit of picking up strays) but when he looks at her with such raw anguish in his eyes, she falters.

she looks to kun, who's looking at her with the same question that she knows jaehyun is asking.

"how do you know when to choose between your head and your heart? because my heart is so fucking scared of getting attached to someone again. but my head knows that i can't push everyone away because i'm scared."

fatima is quiet, searching for the right words. she's about to say something when kun speaks up, looking determinedly at fatima.

"you learn to choose you. instead of choosing between your head and your heart, just choose yourself. at the end of the day, you and y/n are good people who aren't trying to hurt each other. you're both trying not to get hurt. and honestly, maybe you'll realize that you both are better off as friends along the way. maybe you just realize that you don't want to be with someone right now. or maybe you find someone who makes you feel like you're safe and loved when you're around them, whether you're in love with them or not." fatima looks at kun with a soft smile, reaching out to hold his hand gently.

"you have to choose yourself, jaehyun. trust me. the more you start thinking about what is best for the people around you instead of thinking for yourself, you'll look back fifteen, twenty years down the road and see everyone but yourself in your life. don't do something because gianna and how she made you feel. don't let your past define your future," fatima says, and jaehyun can feel the tears prick his eyes. he blinks determinedly, trying to make them disappear but when kun sits on one side of him and fatima on the other, he starts losing his battle against his emotions, finally letting himself mourn the innocence he had once had.

he buries his head into fatima's shoulder and for some reason, he feels as though kun and fatima would be amazing parents. because jaehyun doesn't remember the last time that he had felt this safe in an embrace.

"and jaehyun? the furthest anyone has ever gotten is five numbers. you're at three. it's your call from here. do what you want, not what you think you need to do." fatima taps his shoulder gently and lets him cry for as long as he needs to.

963-___-____.

+++

jaehyun gets the next number from you. after his conversation with fatima, he's sure that if he wants to go any further than this, he needed to talk to you first.

it's strange. he's earning your number but it feels like jaehyun's somehow earning himself back. and when he finds you again, he knows that you can tell.

even johnny could tell. when he had come back from his (successful) date with sia, the first thing he had said was, "wow. you look so...light."

jaehyun hadn't said anything but 'thank you' but it was enough.

johnny had just smiled at him and recounted the date, stating that he was going to ask her to go on another date this saturday night. jaehyun doesn't mention the fact that nct is throwing that night because johnny already knows.

and honestly, sia is a junior and johnny is a senior. they've been to their fair share of parties. one party being missed wouldn't be life changing for them. but skipping a party as the vice president of a frat and a girl who was sought after as a sweetheart for six frats meant something nonetheless.

he hadn't expected that they were to get that serious that quickly but it was a refreshing change. even fatima and kun were starting about talking about talking to fatima's parents to get their blessing for their relationship. her dilemma was no secret and it seemed that the conversation between the three of them had served to help them through their own issues as well.

there was just something in the air, jaehyun had supposed. august turned to september in the week that jaehyun had wrestled with himself, eventually leading to seeking you out.

it had been at the nct party, actually. you were standing with some of your acquaintances, all of your friends having dispersed to do what they were going to do. jaehyun had been on the other side of the room, convincing bambam that it was most definitely not a good idea to try and pursue soyeon jeon if he wanted to make sure that he woke up with all his limbs intact the next morning.

you had met his eye, raising an eyebrow before continuing your conversation, all thoughts of him seemingly out of your mind. jaehyun looks between bambam (who has gone from trying to get with soyeon to jumping into the pool) (that pool had not been cleaned in a full six months) and you. he just finds jungwoo, one of the pledges, and hands him a very drunk bambam.

"do not let him do anything dumb. i'm counting on you pledge," jaehyun called out over his shoulder as he weaves through people to get to you.

"jaehyun! hey! long time no see," hailey whitfield says, throwing herself in jaehyun's arms. jaehyun looks at you, where you're staring straight at where hailey's body ends and his arms begin. jaehyun tries to push her off of him. once upon a time, jaehyun would've been behind happy about getting with her again - she was so good with her mouth. but now, he has no intentions of giving you the wrong impression.

at least until he has a proper conversation with you so that you knew where he stood with you. and where you stood with him.

"hey hailey, sorry i've gotta get to my friend," he says, not even looking at her as he pushes off of her, resuming his threading through the crowd to where you're standing. you look at him, unimpressed, but jaehyun knows you well enough to know that three numbers are enough to make you feel a certain way if jaehyun was fooling around with other girls.

which he hasn't been. not a single night. jaehyun jung's bed has been empty for an entire two weeks, something that doyoung and nairobi have been taking full advantage of.

even some of jaehyun's friends had started asking if he was having problems or something but he had brushed them off. he definitely wasn't having problems, if hailey whitfield was any indication. but he felt like it would be doing you dirty if he had someone in his bed while he was talking to your friends about you.

so he hadn't.

he knows you know. he knows that you know he's talked to sia, roseanne, and fatima. he'd figured that you'd find out either through them or just by him. he can tell by the look in your eyes that you've read him thoroughly.

so he really doesn't feel bad about pulling you away from your friends, taking you upstairs to his room. finally, doyoung had promised that they would go back to nairobi's place on the condition that jaehyun made sure that no one would try to fuck on his bed. he promised, knowing that the only person who'd be coming up here would be him. he needed to talk to you tonight. if he knew anything it was that.

but once you're sitting on his bed, watching him pace back and forward, he's lost everything he's been wanting to say. where does he even start? with gianna? with the questions he has for you? with the number? where does he begin?

jaehyun looks at you, where you're watching him with a small smile on your face and suddenly, it doesn't matter where he begins. you'll listen to it all. he knows that much.

"why do you want me to work for your number?" jaehyun asks. you look at him curiously, tilting your head as you piece together an answer.

"are you sure you don't know the answer to that question?" you say, folding your legs so that you're sitting criss cross on the navy covers.

"i do. but i want to hear it from you, y/n. you know what all your friends say about you? that they didn't properly know you until a full year of friendship with you. but they said that you never lie. so i want you to tell me," jaehyun says, chest heaving by the end of his ramble. his eyes turn soft as he watches you become more and more solemn and he steps forward, sitting down on his desk chair and swiveling it over so that he was sitting directly across from you.

you pause for a moment, searching for the words before saying anything. "i've never been in a relationship before. so i don't have the trauma that could come from something like that. but i know what it's like to lose your heart to someone. and i know that it hurts. i want to be loved in the way that i never thought i could be. so the number thing is just an excuse for me to get to the point where i won't feel guilty about liking someone."

you shrug, smiling but not allowing the smile to reach your eyes. "it's a good way to make sure that the guy knows what he's getting into either way."

jaehyun nods at that. he knew that much. it feels different hearing it from you though. when you're the one saying it, jaehyun knows that it's real. raw. not coming from people trying to protect you because they know that you're far too soft to truly come at him guns blazing.

somehow, he likes it. he likes that you're much softer than you seem. that you're a lot more vulnerable than you come off as. and for some reason, jaehyun hopes that you never perfect the art of becoming standoffish.

"hmm. you've never been in a relationship before?" jaehyun says finally and you nod, shrugging once more. a shadow of bittersweet nostalgia crosses your face before you're back to your soft smile and guarded yet curious eyes.

"nope. part of it was on me; i've got high standards, if you can't tell. and the other part was that i've always wanted someone who fascinates me. of course, i wasn't all that appealing to men because i spent so much time trying to beat them at the only thing they were good at - ego-boosting themselves but they weren't interesting. none of them were people i really wanted to get to know," you say, unfolding your legs.

jaehyun likes the fact that the tips of your toes are the only part of your feet that touch the ground from how far back you're sitting on the bed. in an act of boldness, jaehyun moves forward to sit next to you, right where you're sitting. his feet are flat on the floor, he realizes.

he doesn't know why he's noticing things like this but he is and something about that frustrates him, frightens him, and tugs at his heartstrings altogether.

"you're heartbroken, aren't you? boys like you always seem to be a little hurt," you say, tossing the words into the air like rose petals. they're recklessly thrown but they're somehow beautiful in the way that blackened roses are always beautiful.

"yeah. i was. i think i will always mourn who i was before that. i was so naïve. but i'm not him anymore. and i think i'm realizing that i'm actually okay with that." jaehyun says the words just as carelessly as you do but once they're out in the open, he realizes that he's being completely honest. he turns to you with a strange look though.

"boys like me?"

you smile and nod at him. "boys like you."

you stand up, walking to where jaehyun has a corkboard with a shitload of scraps and photos from the past two years. you don't mention the fact that none of the memories that he has on the board date from before senior year. you don't need to.

"boys like you who've never been loved completely. boys who think that they need to listen to what the world says about how they should be acting or thinking. boys who are hopeless romantics but what would the world say if they knew that these boys just wanted a little bit of love? what would they say if they were looking for warmth in an empty and cold bed?"

jaehyun hates that you're right. it's the college boy tragedy. condemned to never be able to completely heal from one bad experience and then always breaking hearts to collect enough pieces to build themselves a new one.

he didn't want to end like that. even if it wasn't with you, he was ready to grow past it. he didn't want to end as a heartbreaker.

"boys like me...and you like a boy like me?" jaehyun asks. he doesn't know why he does. this is the first proper conversation you've had with him when both of you are decidedly sober. you want to deflect the question but if he's being honest, that's a sign for you to be just as honest.

"i don't know. from what my friends say, and what i know about you as a person in class, i know you mean well. and honestly, i've always just been the type of person to like someone past things like the books they read or the way they dress," you say, still looking at the memories jaehyun's pieced together over the years on this board. "i feel something around you. and i don't know you well enough to know that i like you as someone more than a friend but i'd like to at least have the chance to get that far."

that's all jaehyun needs. he gets another number that night.

+++

jaehyun waits for you outside of intro to east asia, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he waits for you to make it out of the classroom. you're the last one to leave, knowing that technically, you and jaehyun weren't allowed to see each other while he was your ta.

jaehyun had never really pegged you as someone with so much respect for the rules but you had argued that it was mostly about the principle.

he'd learned a lot about you that last weekend. you and him had stayed up all night, talking about nothing and everything under the sun until the sun itself rose, eventually falling asleep in a tangled mess of limbs and conversations.

he learned that while you didn't like the rules, you often followed them as long as they followed your own moral code. that you would die for your friends and that had landed you in many bad friendships when people would use that to their advantage before you'd met your friends in college. he learned that you were super close with your family, and that they were quite literally the best friends that you could always rely on.

and he learned that you wanted to see him again. on a date. sometime soon. so with no real way of communicating with you outside of social media (and he somehow felt like sliding into your dm's was corny and somewhat of a copout), here he was. waiting outside of the classroom like he was ripped straight from a 1950's romance movie. he even had the letterman jacket on to boot.

"oh my god, you scared me," you say, pressing a hand to your chest as you quite nearly bump into jaehyun. he smiles, readjusting his backpack on his shoulders as the two of you start walking.

"you knew i was waiting for you outside, didn't you?" he says, pushing the side door open to walk towards the parking lot, where he's convinced kun to let him borrow his car for the day.

"yeah but i didn't think you would be literally outside the door," you murmur, checking your phone to see the rest of your day's schedule. you had purposefully blocked off three hours of your schedule to hang out with jaehyun, which you were sure to regret later on when your organic chemistry class kicked your ass. but that was a later issue.

"well, i couldn't text you where i was so i figured i'd wait in plain sight," jaehyun retorts, opening the passenger door for you without a word. huh. that was the first time a man has ever done that for you. and jaehyun did it as though it were second nature - like it was a given.

you don't know why something so small means so much to you but you're alright with it. you're alright with just appreciating it.

"that's fair," you say. another number's on the tip of your tongue as you watch him get into the driver's seat but jaehyun beats you to the punch.

"don't give me a number. not yet," jaehyun says. "not that i don't want one. but i just...me waiting outside your classroom or opening your door isn't enough for a number. even if i don't get all ten, you've got to up your standards."

you don't know what to say to that so you don't say anything, turning on the music and letting the melody of chemtrails under the country club by lana del ray fill the rainy september afternoon sky.

+++

when jaehyun pulls up to a run down diner, you're pleasantly surprised. although you're not much of a sucker for romantic places, the fact that jaehyun is somehow makes you happy. it makes you happy that he still sees the beauty in places like these. and when you look over at him, dimples threatening to show as he breathes in the air of misty fog and the smell of milkshakes and burgers, you're so tempted to kiss him.

so you lean over, looking at him with a twinkle in your eyes once jaehyun has parked.

"can i kiss you?" you ask, mere inches from his lips. jaehyun just looks at you, and from this close, you realize just how beautiful his eyes are. they're dark, darker than anyone else's that you know. and yet, it feels like you could fall in and never regret it.

"please."

it's all you need. and it's all he needs because as soon as word slips from his lips, he's pressing forward, his lips against yours. he's soft, you register vaguely. nothing like last time. nothing like how he'd kissed you like he could think of nothing but absolutely ruining you.

jaehyun is soft. like the feeling of slipping a cold hand into someone's warm jacket pocket. he kisses you like he's scared of ruining you. ruining this. and you're absolutely addicted to the feeling.

the feeling of knowing that he could just claim you instead of trying his best to claim your heart. no matter how fucked up it was that you were even thinking that someone could 'claim' you. he wasn't like that and you could work with that.

he pulls away from you, eyes still closed as he sits against the drivers seat, his head against the headrest. you watch him, a silly and childish smile on your face - although you're not really sure why it's there in the first place. but who are you to knock anything?

there aren't many words to exchange as the two of you make your way into the diner. jaehyun had opened your car door again. this time, you just offer him your hand and you're strangely alright with just how safe you feel with his hand locked in yours.

the diner seems as though time has frozen still here.

and everything about the date seems the same. it feels as though time has frozen still - almost as though the two of you are in a little bubble with no one but each other. it's a feeling you haven't experienced in a while. a feeling you don't think you've ever had because of a boy.

it feels...almost scarily comfortable. it doesn't feel as though there are fireworks exploding for every word that jaehyun says. but it does feel as though that there's a hot mug of cocoa that's been handed to you on a cold winter night. and that feeling, the feeling of warmth spreading through every corner of your body, is the feeling that you know is good for you.

so you listen to him, watch him speak animatedly about basketball or a book he read, chin resting in your palm as you find yourself falling deeper and deeper.

jaehyun gets two numbers that day.

+++

it doesn't take much longer for jaehyun to get the rest of the numbers. soon enough, you're more than happy just to spend time with him the way that you spend time with your friends. you feel as though you've made a good friend out of someone you'd thought that you wouldn't even be able to get along with.

"you know, when i first met you, even before i knew you, i really didn't like you," you say, taking a sip out of your latte. the seasons have changed, fall giving way to winter. the november air bites your skin every time someone opens the door to the tiny café the two of you were sitting in.

jaehyun smiles, nodding as he leans back in his chair. "i know. i could tell by the look in your eyes."

"the look in my eyes?"

"yeah. the one that said that you wanted to get to know me. to figure out my deal even if you didn't necessarily want to find out for sure. kind of like you wanted to be the one that said 'aha!' at the end of a movie, even though you weren't sure of the ending at all."

you look at jaehyun for a moment before laughing, shaking your head as you laugh. "you're even starting to talk like me now."

jaehyun pauses before he nods, smiling with you. "yeah, i know. you've rubbed off on me in a lot of ways."

"i've improved your music taste, that's for sure," you snort, taking another sip out of your latte. "i still can't believe you didn't like ric flair drip when we met."

"it's not that i didn't like it and it's still not that i like it now. but i guess i just have a good memory associated with it now so it's growing on me," jaehyun says. your eyebrows furrow as you try to recollect what good memory he could possibly be referring to.

"oh my god. the night that we met! i was trying to get in your pants with ric flair drip," you say incredulously, shivering when someone opens and closes the door once more. jaehyun hands you his hoodie, leaving his arm extended silently when you protest.

you don't know why you still bother trying to protest with him when you knew you were going to lose. you put the sweater on as jaehyun starts talking, letting the scent of clean water and pine trees swaddle you softly.

"honestly, i think i was more than you that night," jaehyun says, as he looks at you with an incriminating twinkle in his eyes. "that was around the time that even taeyong said that he wanted to see if kun's vivid descriptions were true or not. and i wasn't about to let him get the opportunity to get to you before i did. i don't know why. i felt almost protective over you. but not in a good way. in the type of way where i wanted to show you how good i could make you feel - more than anyone could even begin to think of making you feel."

the previously cold café begins to become a lot hotter than you were feeling before, clearing your throat as you try to let the moment pass.

"how did we even get here?" you say, fanning yourself delicately. the move only serves to work against you when you fan yourself so that the scent of his cologne on his hoodie only gets stronger in your mind.

jaehyun leans back, letting you switch the conversation. he'd bring it up to you later in the night, anyway. besides, for someone who puts on such a strong front, it's honestly a little fun to see you squirm at the slightest implications from jaehyun.

"but, uh, jaehyun. i've been meaning to ask you something for a while," you begin, fidgeting with the wrapper of the straw in front of you. jaehyun tilts his head as if to question what you have to say as he waits patiently.

"what are we?"

now jaehyun is truly confused. was the past month of going on dates not clear enough? jaehyun wasn't going on dates with anyone else. oh my god. were you going on dates with other men? is that why you're asking.

"i thought we were dating?" jaehyun says, phrasing his sentence more like a question than a statement. "i mean i'm not talking to anyone else and i kinda assumed that since i'd gotten all ten numbers, neither were you."

you hum, unable to stop the silly smile on your face.

"good. that's just what i was thinking too."

+++

honestly, everything about jaehyun jung is appealing to you. from the way that he engulfs you in a hug when you're up late studying. or the way that he convinces you that you have a virus on your laptop just so that he could spend more time with you 'fixing' your laptop for you. or the way that he sits with you and your friends, patiently listening and offering advice wherever he can (or honestly, is just allowed to speak).

you're so glad to see him like this. as your boyfriend of four and a half months (you hadn't let him make it official until he was no longer your ta), you've seen him grow in ways that you'd never thought. jaehyun was every inch the stupid, naïve fuckboy you'd thought him to be in the beginning. and he was also every inch the hopeless romantic with a little too much love to give for a scarred heart.

so you heal together. you help each other when you quite literally can't handle the pain and together, you grow. he's more confident. not just in the way that he looks - but the way that he speaks around people. the way that he educates himself. the way that he communicates how he feels.

and he helps you everyday. he shows you what it feels like to be loved the way you love others. he shows you that you are worth the princess treatment. and most importantly for you, he loves the people around you the way you love the people around you.

kun and fatima find their happy ending. fatima had spoken to her parents and while they took some time to warm up to kun, his soft demeanor and the way that he loved fatima so completely and sincerely eventually won them over. fatima even met kun's parents with equal success, although kun's mother kept asking when fatima and kun would get married.

(their wedding was already in the works by both fatima's mother and kun's mother. you were beyond elated to go to both the traditional muslim ceremony and the traditional chinese ceremonies.)

johnny and sia ended up going out on a couple more dates before realizing that they probably just weren't meant to be a couple. they loved each other as friends and were probably always going to hold a special place in each other's lives but it just wouldn't be as each other's significant others. johnny was already starting to retreat from the frat boy lifestyle after meeting a girl at the library one day. and sia had finally met someone who could handle her crazy personality with a sweet smile, bringing her back down to reality whenever she went a little...too lively. you're looking forward to meeting him over summer, where the four of you and your friends were going on a vacation together.

roseanne, yugyeom, and miyeon still haven't put a label on their relationship. but you've caught roseanne falling asleep in yugyeom's arms more than once (one too many times than rosie cares to admit) so you figure that it's a good thing that they've all found each other. as unconventional as their relationship might be, they all mesh together so well that you can't even find it in yourself to question it. all's fair in love and war.

jaehyun and you frequent the diner as a favorite date night spot to visit, although you're upset to hear that they're remodeling the entire establishment for favor of a new, more 'modern' atmosphere. although how modern a diner could get was a little bit of a strange notion. but as people change, so do the winds.

and when you walk into the diner the next semester, hand in hand with jaehyun, you're a little comforted to see that diner is now a speakeasy (in true 1970s fashion) with three words written in blinding rhinestones against the velvet background. of course.

ric flair drip.

#jnnul #nct fic #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fluff #nct fluff #jaehyun smut #nct smut #nct 127 fic #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 angst #jaehyun angst #nct angst #nct x reader #jaehyun x reader #nct 127 x reader #jaehyun imagines #nct imagines

[dcxdpdabbles]

Passion for Fashion Part 2

Danny glances around the room, initially supposed to be the living room, but Dan had quickly turned it into a studio. He had fabrics stacked everywhere, random clothes designs pinned to the walls, and various-sized mannequins scattered about with half-finished projects.

"It looks like Joann Craft's store exploded in here" he grumbles side-stepping into a half-finished gown dress and ducking under rows of fabric swatches that Dan just has to hang across the whole house by color because they help him visualize.

Or some nonsense like that.

Frankly, Danny was starting to suspect Dan had developed a new ghost Obsession now that grief no longer blinded him, and he knew Clockwork made it deliberately fashion design.

He is a bit unsettled that Dan's tunnel vision mirrors his parent's obsession with ghost hunting. Is it a ghost Obsession thing or a Fenton thing? Even Jazz can't get sucked into her physiology studies, so he had to remind her to sleep and eat. Eventually, Danny will find his own tunnel vision obsession. He just knows it.

Ducking two more times to avoid the shades of blue and green, Danny follows the barely visible pathway to where Dan is likely working on the first suit for the competition's first catwalk.

The first round of the competition was a mere selection round, where contestants were all brought into a large room and given a sketchbook, pencils, colors pencils, and reference books. After the surprise judge gave them the theme of household pets, they were to design two male and female outfits within an hour. Dan had entered the testing room like a man sent to the front lines.

Danny hadn't been needed for that round, so he explored Gotham, stopping to eat the famous Batburger. The food was far tastier than Nasty Burger, and he felt like he was betraying his city by how much he savored the Joker fries.

He did notice the way everyone was staring at him, much to his shame, just as he was licking his fingers clean. He scrambled to leave as a few teens whispered, gesturing to him.

He had been in Casper High to know that usually meant insults, so when a pretty blond girl stood up and started for him, he made haste to get out of there as quickly as possible.

He met up with Dan- with a carryout bag because he wasn't a monster- and found the other had blown the competition out of the water. His designs were first in the selection round, and Dan's head got three sizes bigger that day.

It's strange how used to living here he's gotten. It's been a month and a half, and yes, people still stare at him a lot, but it's not like Danny isn't used to being called a freak, so he ignores them all. Dan tried to stay inside the house as much as possible, rarely leaving his fabrics, but Danny felt restless being indoors all the time.

Amity Park is a small city, with most of it being open space and grass he felt strange being surrounded by a loud, crowded city like Gotham. He often wandered about trying to find something new and fun, though that was hard to do once the sun started setting.

He found being outside at night was a terrible idea the first time a trio of men attempted to shove him into a van.

Thankfully, Danny had been bored enough he recreated some of his parents' gadgets, and the three men had been stunned by his Fenton Tazzer wristband before they had opened the van door. Then there was that time a group of toddlers tried to mug him. He had been trying to find a park or something when seven kids- couldn't be older than twelve- all creeped out of the shadows holding knives and bats and demanded he gave them his wallet.

Danny hadn't meant to, but it was so bizarre he had bursted out laughing. He was so used to ghosts that the sight of little kids trying to be threatening was so historical that he couldn't stop laughing. He also forgot to breathe for a second since coming to this world. His body needed less sleep, less food, and got less tired, which was a plus on their wallets.

Danny laughed so hard he fell to his knees, shaking with jest.

The kids scattered at once, a few shouting, "Joker venom!" he was left chuckling to himself. After that, he got up and went home, the occasional snicker slipping from his lips.

Dan had thought it was hilarious, too.

Despite the time they have been here and Danny's many outings, they haven't really interacted with anyone else. Danny had never been one to have positive memories with socializing, and Dan frankly disliked humans too much to want to be around them.

With nothing to do but wander during the day and practice his model walk, Danny quickly got into the habit of tinkering with various machinery. At first, he needed to rebuild his parent's weapons and ghost gear- something he had been able to do since he was seven- then he shifted to building whatever popped into his head.

From robotic prosthetics to a TV projector, Danny filled the hours with some eclectic in his hands. Otherwise, he looked around Gotham and took pictures of the architect because it was Sam's entire aesthetic. How could he not try to capture this place for her?

Dan had been researching through the house internet- thank the ancients the house came with the service- and found various styles he liked experimenting with. Due to his ghost abilities, he worked faster than the sewing machines and was dishing out whole outfits in matters of days instead of the months they usually take.

He has even been walking around in whatever Dan chose to make for him since he thought it would get him used to being seen in something not his usual style. He can't afford to lose the fashion show simply because he got awkward. That would ruin his plans to help Batman and get home.

His wardrobe now varied from what Dan called "eboy", "skater" "K-pop" "casual chic" "haute" and "streetwear". Personally, Danny preferred the streetwear since it was more often than not baggy.

He had a lot of people staring at him when he walked around in Dan's clothes. Danny hopes he doesn't look as dumb as he feels.

"Danny, come try this on!" Dan shouts, snapping Danny out of his thoughts. He gestured to a black and navy blue three-piece suit that took Danny's breath away.

"Wow, Dan, it's gorgeous."

"Duh, I made it brat." He gestures to the vest, which Danny can see painfully embroidered swirls of black, purple, and a few white strips. It did not take him long to recognize the Magellanic cloud resting on the right side while the left is a mirror design in black, carefully blending into the blue. The pants, jacket, and shoes were a nearly jet-black cloth that somehow looked like a liquid even when standing still, but what tied it all together was the black cape draping over the right shoulder. It was pinned in place by a metal piece shaped like a Sirius Star. "The first round is space theme, and lucky for us, I was obsessed with NASA as a kid."

"No, but honestly, can I keep this afterward?" Danny asks, reaching out to rub his hands on the fabric. "Wow this is soft"

"It's satin, of course; it's soft," Dan snorts. "And sure, if we win, it's yours. I don't care what happens to the clothes after I make them."

"How long did this take you to make?" Danny asks, turning it around and sporting more accurately placed constellations of the satellite galaxy. It was like a picture made of fabric, curling from the right to the back of the vest. He'll have to take the jacket off at some point to show that part off.

"Three days. Without sleep."

"That's insane Dan"

"No, you know what's insane? This place has different beauty standards. It's all about the goth and emo kids here. A few Victorian lads, too. Or frankly, a straight-up twink is hot."

"What?" Danny's brain buffers "That can't be right. I was bullied and so were my friends for looking like that."

"Trust me, the ideal body kept coming up as I researched fashion trends and ideas. Nerds are in here. "

"W-what do I do with knowledge?"

Dan's eyes flashed a dangerous green. "You put it to use on the walkway. This suit is designed to show you off, and the best part? It's your natural body; no need to highlight beefed-up muscles or a wide chest like Dash."

"Oh my ancients....Am I hotter than Dash? Then the top A-lister?"

Dan grins. "We got this competition in the bag."

Across Gotham, Tim is scrolling through GothamLive- the favorite plate form of all Gotham, beating even Twitter- and he's surprised to see it covered by the target of their latest mission. He's back at the cave running coms since he got dosed in fear toxin on the last big fight. It was not too bad but Bruce didn't want him doing anything too adrenaline-inducing for a least a month.

He would argue, but even he knew his hands still sometimes shook when he trained. So he was on comm duty listening in to all his family as they moved about Gotham.

It was a quiet night with only three muggings and one car thief so far, but Bruce wanted everyone connected just in case.

Tim figured he could check in on the meta twins and found Danny everywhere on Gotham's online platform.

People have been spotting him strut around Gotham looking drop-dead gorgeous, and everyone near their age group who was attracted to men was losing their minds over Danny Fenton.

Tim found a few of him in skater clothes and felt his face get slightly warmer. Okay, they are right. Danny certainly paints a pretty picture, but that's worrying.

A pretty meta? He could be snatched up by the worst of Gotham soon.

Tim will have to get close to keep an eye on him. You know, for the target's safety.

Dan is his identical twin, which means there are two beautiful boys out there. Tim thinks, checking over the twin's house location. It's thankfully on the outskirts of Gotham, where it's not exactly safe, but it sure as hell isn't Crime Alley. They should be okay as long as no one finds their home.

He choked on his coffee when a picture of Danny dressed like a K-pop star casually lodging on a chair drinking a coffee appears on his dash. Yeah, he can see how the guy ended up in modeling if he could make poses like that naturally.

"Red Robbin to everyone, we may want to keep an eye on the Fenton's. Don't want them taken by traffickers."

"Danny Fenton already fought off a kidnapping:" Jason responds in seconds with a slight sneer. His elder brother has always hated traffickers and rapists the most. " Some idiots tried to escape me by going into the Outskirts and saw Danny. They took their chance only to be taken out by the guy's tazer disguised as a bracelet."

He sends the family a photo of the incident, and Danny's unimpressed look at the three screaming men makes Tim's lips twitch. Maybe Gotham wasn't so different from Santa Prisca. Only someone used to danger so often found would be kidnapers annoying, and that island wasn't exactly the safest place to be.

Their mother died to get them out, after all.

"That's not all. He's also fought off three different gangs, none of the big players but enough to raise some brows," Babs adds, displaying a gang of Crime Alley kids running from a laughing Danny, a group of men and women wearing the red scorpion marks running from a laughing Danny and a second group of kids- slightly older but not older than Danny- all backing away from the ice Danny had encased himself in. "The first two he tricked into thinking Joker was about, and the last one he just froze himself until they got tired of shooting and went away."

"What about the other one?" Bruce asks.

"He doesn't leave the house, but he's been very active online. Mostly, he's looking up fashion articles or trends. Recently, his search is nothing but "What are twinks, and why are they hot?". I can't tell if that's a culture difference or if Dan is just weird."

"They are not trained," Damian says, an undertone of curiosity in his voice. "But they can defend themselves well and truly know their craft. Dan's designs for my animal theme challenge were exquisite. I will be commissioning the black German Shepherd suit he made. Ace and I will look divine at the next gala."

"I kind of want the bird dress," Steph cuts in with a chirp. "I know it's not purple, but it looked cool in concept. What bird breed did he pick for it?"

"It was the Lovebird," Damian answers. "Somehow his design was both elegant and accurate without seemingly childish as the bird it was based on."

Tim wonders if Damian may start to develop an interest in fashion or if he just appreciates drawings as an artist. "So should we be worried?"

"No. Fenton has unwillingly gathered too much attention online. People will notice if he disappears. Traffickers don't go for people that are easy to recognize." Jason sighs. "For now, they're safe, but not if Danny keeps wandering around like an easy target in those tailor outfits. He looks rich, even if it's only lower first class. That will attract a lot more muggings."

"Someone will have to get close to them-"

"I can do it!" Tim shouts, cutting off Bruce, then shrinks into his chair in mortification as the family chat dies. Trying to sound less eager, he hastily adds, "You know, since I'm benched. Light work to befriend the Fentons."

"Smooth Tim." Cass laughs over the coms with his other siblings snickering in the background, and sinks into his chair.

After a moment, Bruce sighs, "Alright, Tim, you can befriend one of them, but not until your turn to judge goes by. I don't want people claiming a conflict of interest there."

Hell yeah! Tim got the job!

"Of course, Bruce."

"And no flirting."

"Spoilsport"

#dcxdpdabbles #dc x dp crossover #Passion for Fashion #Part 2 #Different world means different beauty standards #Think the early 2000s vs the 2020s beauty standards #Also Danny doesn't realize he's the ideal #He's just walking around in his own little world #Dan just wants to be a clothing making dragon hording fabrics alone #Damian does love the designs as a artist and as his personal taste #Dead tired

[comethead]

Wrong Number

MDNI // smutfic // Jason Todd x Reader

“You accidentally take an edible laced with sex pollen, and unbeknownst to you, you called Jason instead of Ivy. Smut ensues.”

(gender-neutral reader, no use of y/n, recreational drug use, sex pollen, missionary, creampie, aphrodisiacs)

Ao3 Link

[dedicated to @fcthots ]

Your breaths come out in short puffs, sweat beading on your forehead. Your skin is on fire, and there’s an undeniable ache between your legs you can’t ignore anymore. Stripped naked, you laid on your bed, legs squeezed together to try and alleviate your burning desire. Dammit. You reach out to your phone, sweeping your hand over your sheets until your fingers make contact with the smooth surface of your screen. Opening it, you scroll down your contacts. F, G, H, I, J. You hit Ivy’s contact, and close your eyes while you let it ring. Hearing it connect, you groan, “Ivyyyy, I don’t know what was in that damn edible you made but I feel- I don’t- ugh.” You smack your bed in frustration, tears welling up from the tension in your stomach. This was embarrassing. You were high, and then horny, but now the high has worn off and you’re still trying to get off. “You know what- never mind, I’ll talk to you later.” You clicked the end call button, and rolled onto your back. Okay, time to try and finish.

Jason stared at the phone in his hand, the screen on ‘call ended’. What the hell was that about? Shit, you weren’t in trouble were you? Edible, huh… He heard from you that Ivy was dabbling in making some after growing weed, which, whatever, she’s not destroying city blocks with her plants anymore so he’ll take that any day. But by your words, it seemed like she’s up to something, he’ll have to check on that later. Or…

“Hey, Oracle. Do me a favor and look into Ivy for me?”

“Sure, what for?” came her reply.

“Mmm, well my friend took one of her edibles and-”

“Wait. Edibles? You better not be doing some stupid prank Hood, or I swear-”

“No! No, it's-,” he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose,”She just sounded like she was in trouble, but whatever, I’ll deal with it.”

“Oh.” He could hear through the comm link the way her voice softened, which he’s not sure if he hates or is grateful for. “Alright, I’ll send someone over to Ivy’s location.”

“Thanks.”

He shut off the link and looked over to your fire escape. Parking his bike in the alley that ran next to your place, he scaled the wall and clambered onto the escape. It was dark in your room, but you left your window open. Pulling the screen aside, Jason stepped into the room and onto the little welcome mat you put there as a stupid joke. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped.

You were on your side, moans muffled by your pillow as you worked your fingers faster, the slick noises accompanying your voice. His eyes widened, heat shooting through his body as he felt his dick twitch in his combat pants. Fuck, oh how he’s thought of you like this for some nights now. But not now, he thought, must’ve been some of Ivy’s aphrodisiac in that edible. Clearing his throat, he stepped closer. You squeal, and bolt upright, looking at him with wide eyes. “Wha- Jay, what are you doing here?”

“You called me,” he shrugged, ”Wrong number, I guess.”

You stared at him, gears turning in your brain. Maybe, maybe not ‘wrong number’. He could help you, couldn’t he? He’s always been on your mind like that, you might’ve had some unholy thoughts about your best friend.

“Jay,” you whisper, crawling on your hands and knees toward him, “Please,” you’re reaching up to his face now, settling your hand on his mask, “fuck me”.

“Uhh.” It’s his turn to stare at you, eyes trailing over the slope of your chest. “I- I mean, no, you’ve been dosed with some aphrodisiac-” You’re taking his mask off now, sliding your other hand down his chest- “And- and I can’t-”, his breath catches as your hand is placed right on top of his tummy, “-you don’t know what you want,” he finished, glancing from your hands to your half-lidded eyes.

“I don’t?” You gaze back into his eyes, looking down to his lips as you move closer, ghosting your hands over his body and placing them on his shoulders. Your lips connect, and he deepens the kiss, placing his hands on your waist. You pull him closer to you, shifting back until you can bring him down to your level, lips still on each other as he runs a hand through your hair. Your hair catches on his fingers and it pulls, but it feels so good the way he’s bringing his hand through from your scalp and grabbing a fistful of your hair at the back. You moan into his mouth as your kisses get sloppier, as he releases your hair and his hands wander down over your nude body, caressing your thighs. You don’t know if you can take it anymore. Pulling back from his kiss, you breathe,”Jay, please, I need you so badly, I- I can’t-”. You gasp as he suddenly grips your thighs and curses.

Straightening, he starts to strip as you watch, flushing as you spot his happy trail and finally, as he pulls his pants down you can see the bump of his bulge in his boxers. You rub your thighs together, scooting back onto the bed to give him space to mount you. You can see him tracing the shape of your body with his eyes, finally locking onto the wetness between your legs. Jason pushes his boxers down, letting his cock spring free and you can see he’s already leaking precum, which threatens to snap that tight band in your stomach. Throwing your head back, you moan and spread your legs for him. “Yeah,” he breathes, “Yeah I’ll fuck you alright,” as he looms over your needy body. He kneels on the bed, lining his stiff cock with your entrance and begins to push in.

“Fuuuckk, baby you gotta relax,” he moans, pressing into you slowly as your mouth gapes from how he’s stretching you open. You swear you almost cum immediately from his intrusion, but your arousal heightens as he thrusts all the way in. You cry out in pleasure, gripping your sheets and squeezing your eyes shut as he starts to fuck you, slowly at first but quickening his pace as to seeing how desperate you are. You were practically rolling your hips onto his cock until he held them still and fucked you at a punishing pace. He groaned, his ear tickled with your pleading and moaning. It felt so good, the burning feeling turned into pleasure as Jason rocked his hips into yours, and you were sure you were going to finally cum.

“Fuck, you’re so good for me aren’t you?” he moans, the sounds of your sex filling the room.

“You’re close, aren’t you baby? C’mon then,” he lowers his face towards your ear, “Cum for me sweetheart,” he whispers, and finally that tension snaps and you cry out, your orgasm forcing your eyes shut as you cream around his cock that’s still pumping hard into you. You pant as he curses and thrusts into you faster, chasing his own high until he’s spilling his cum into you, the warmth making your belly tingle. He’s panting too, as he pulls out of you and stands up, reaching over to grab a towel from your dresser. He cleans you up and you stare up at him, eyes half-lidded and the only sounds that fill the room are of you two breathing hard. You don’t talk and neither does he, and you move over on the bed to give him room as he lays next to you. He moves onto his side, propping his head up with a hand as he smirks, “Not bad, huh?”

You snort, and snuggle closer to him.

“Not bad at all, Jay.”

#mdni #this is my first smut i wrote this in one go no beta readers #i think it’d be funny if harley and ivy were stoner girlfriends. they had weed and chilled out. #jason todd #red hood #jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd smut #dc smut #smut fic #sex pollen

[sits-bound]

Bound: Pucks and Recreation by @doggernaut

If you follow my main account, this might seem familiar. That’s because I released the podfic of this the other day. I felt bad for taking so long to finish it (it was for Fandom Trumps Hate) so I decided to send the author a bound copy of it as well. The USPS was uncommonly efficient and it made it to her in two days, so it’s a good thing I released the podfic when I did!

I’m really happy with how this came out. I have nothing to complain about. It definitely makes me want to stick to matte htv from now on, that’s for sure.

Body: Corundum Text

Titles: Franklin Gothic

Drop caps: Primot

Cover graphics: the Noun Project

Oh wait, I thought of one tiny thing I’d fix: when I initially printed it, I didn’t notice that the font I used for the section dividers (which were cute little hockey sticks) didn’t work for some reason, so I had to change to more generic section dividers. So if I could go back, I’d take the time to find a different hockey-related section divider instead.

So not a big deal AT ALL. Even I will concede that.

Anyway, if you’re a fan of Check Please or Parks and Rec (and especially if both!) read this delightful fic or give it a listen!

#parks and rec #check please #ficbinding #fanbinding #bookbinding #sits bound #fandom trumps hate #omgcheckplease #zimbits #check please podfic #omgcp

[respectthepetty]

Reading the (Visual) Rainbow Awards

Now that 2023 is officially wrapped up, I'm delivering awards to the QLs that gave the best visual narratives in 2023. In order to be considered for these awards, the series 1) had to air during 2023, and 2) had to finish airing by December 31, so out of the 108 BLs I watched this year, 14 are still ongoing and cannot be considered for these awards. Out of the remaining 94 QLs, 67 had some degree of consistent color coding.

*If a show is mentioned with an asterisk, it means the show was not considered in the nominations for not meeting the required criteria.

But before I begin the award ceremony, I must stay on brand and deliver one award for my namesake.

Petty Award: Only Friends & I Feel You Linger in the Air

This award goes to a show or shows that had great visual narratives but I refuse to write about it because I'm petty. Cinematographers Rath and Jim never fail, and they both delivered beautiful visuals in their shows, but these series know what they did to me, so now we got beef. Cutie Pie and Bad Buddy finally broke out of Petty Prison this year, so Only Friends and I Feel You Linger in the Air now join I Told Sunset About You behind bars for making me want to fight them in the parking lot of a Texas Chicken.

Now for the ceremony to begin!

Stats Awards [These awards are based solely on numbers]

Most Popular: Blue Boy

This award goes to the color that was most popular in a pair, number-wise. The stats: A Blue Boy was part of a color-coded pair 26 times this year. The next color-coded boy was a Black Brooder who was a part of 15 pairs.

The Best Blue Boy was Bed Friend's King. He is actually bi-colored with blue and black, so he represents both of the most popular color-coded boys well. He was loyal, dependable, sensitive, and a little arrogant, but always sincere, which made him a King among men, and he truly deserves the title of "Best Color-Coded Boy of the Year."

Most Popular Pair: Light x Dark

This award goes to the color-coded pair who were used the most in the year, number-wise. The stats: The Black x White dynamic was consistently used for 9 couples, and the Happy Human (Multicolored Menace) x Brooding Boy dynamic was used 3 times. A Yellow/Orange Oddity x Blue Boy pair was used for 7 couples, a Green Guy x Blue Boy were used for 6 couples, and Red Rascal x Blue Boy were used for 6 couples as well.

The Best Light x Dark Couple: Tew x Guy from My Dear Gangster Oppa perfectly represent what makes this color dynamic work. Tew was an actual gangster who murdered people and only wore black, while Guy was an innocent college student who only wore white, yet they both ended up owning a bar on a beach and wearing stripes of the other's color to show that everyone needs to find a balance within himself and his relationship.

The Outlier: Star Struck

This award goes to a series that delivered a colored-coded pair that no other series did. Korean drama Star Struck gave us the ONLY Black Brooder x Red Rascal pair of the year. The leads were color coded as children into adulthood, and the show included color-coded accessories and a color exchange.

Visual Rhetoric Awards

Best Boundary/Barrier/Bars - My School President

This award goes to a series that best displayed an internal conflict with a physical barrier between the two leads. My School President did this several times and each time was different, but throughout the sixth episode, as the boys recreated the music video for Tilly Birds' "Just Being Friendly," the line between friends and boyfriends was clearly represented. Both boys struggled with their feelings and the physical barriers were there as a reminder that one of them would have to cross the line in order to move forward. However, when Blue Boy Tinn finally did, it was after confirmation that Red Rascal Gun felt the same, and it was a gentle move which was true to his character and the high school context.

Best Balance - Between Us

This award goes to a series that best used the scene to outline the balanced dynamic between the leads. My Beautiful Man 2 did a fantastic job of slowly showing Hira and Kiyoi's evolving power dynamic by Hira going from laying down to kneeling in front of a sitting Kiyoi, but Between Us showed that Win and Team were a balanced pair from the very first episode during their sexual encounter. That scene stated that neither boy was being taken advantage of, and this visual continued throughout the show. Both boys were afraid of their feelings, yet both boys loved each other, equally.

Best Background (Noise) - Our Dating Sim

This award goes to a series that best used the background details to strongly reinforce the ongoing plot. Our Dating Sim's plot revolved around a company creating an interactive game that would serve as a dating simulation, and that basis played directly into the former friends-to-lovers' conflict. The very first scene involved Eddy inputting code into his computer to "FindProblem; ResetTime; BackToStage; RestartGame" then the company Ian was applying to and the one Eddy worked at was called RE:TRY with a controller that had a heart as one of the buttons. However, every episode had some degree of background noise speaking directly about the plot including additional game simulation scenes where an unidentified player would have to select future moves based on the boys' previous experiences.

Best Use of Clothing - Never Let Me Go

This award goes to the series that made the best use of clothing to show the evolving dynamic between the leads. Never Let Me Go wins because Nueng began the series in dark solid colors while Palm was in colorful patterns. As their relationship progressed, Nueng's colors became lighter, and patterns were introduced. Yet in the end, both boys stayed true to themselves and each maintained their style while incorporating components from the other. Palm's color darkened but remained patterned, and Nueng opted for neutral colors with patterned ties.

Colors Awards

Honorable Mention - Oh No! Here Comes Trouble

This award goes to a series that had a great visual narrative but could not be considered for these awards because it wasn't marketed as a QL (even though it's canon to me). If Oh No! Here Comes Trouble was marketed as QL, it would easily be nominated for the Best Overall Award. The use of the color red as a continuing reminder of the thin red thread of destiny, alone, would win it a spot on this list, but the show also included ample amounts of visual rhetoric, a "kiss of life," and color-coded matching outfits which deserve to be recognized.

Best Color Exchange - My Personal Weatherman

This award goes to a series where the leads were color coded and switching their colors demonstrated more than their love being mutual. My Personal Weatherman owned this category. The series was riddled with miscommunications between the leads regarding the love they felt for each other, but after Mizuki's possessiveness ramped up at the end of the seventh episode, the love was made clear, through bondage. Yoh, wearing Mizuki's blue, felt the love Mizuki had for him when he was tied up and being, essentially, held hostage by Mizuki. And yet by tying up Yoh, Mizuki could finally physically reinforce the way he felt for Yoh. He wanted Yoh. All of Yoh. To himself. And Yoh needed that to be made clear with a color-coded bonding moment (hehe).

Best Kiss - The Eighth Sense

This award goes to the series that best used a kiss to support the color narrative of the story. The Eighth Sense waited until the second-to-last episode to deliver this extraordinary color-coded kiss, but the wait was well worth it. Jae Won was color coded as a Brooding Boy (dark) and Ji Hyun was color coded as a Happy Human (light). After an accident involving the two, Jae Won was the darkest he had been, color-wise and mentally, so he isolated himself. But after several episodes apart, Jae Won walked out of the darkness, straight to Ji Hyun's, and kissed him on the street with all the colors of the rainbow pulsing around them perfectly showing that Ji Hyun was the color in his dark world, but that Jae Won also brought color to Ji Hyun's life and directly to his doorstep.

Best Pink - Be My Favorite

This award goes to the series that best used the color pink to demonstrate the love between the two leads. Normally, shows use pink lighting, pink clothing, or pink blankets to display this visual, but Be My Favorite used pink wisteria delicately hanging behind Pisaeng comforting Kawi. The flowering plant symbolizes friendship, love, and longevity and perfectly tied into the show's themes of valuing friendship and putting in the effort day-after-day to make any relationship last.

Best Heart - Love Tractor

This award goes to a series that best represented love by using a tangible item to symbolize a heart. Even before Yechan realized he loved Yol with the physical representation of Yechan's red gloves sprouting out from his left chest pocket in Love Tractor, Yechan let Yol know that he could be trusted with Yol's heart. During the third episode, Yechan taught Yol how to pick strawberries. He advised Yol to be gentle, to not use force, and to not put too much pressure on them or they would bruise or break. Yechan proceeded to use this method with Yol, and continued to give Yechan red fruits to enjoy as a means of encouraging Yol to experience things he had truly not before, like fresh strawberries, stolen fruit, and unconditional love.

Best Accessory - I Cannot Reach You

This award goes to a series that best used a color-coded accessory to support the ongoing plot. Usually, color-coded accessories are physical items such as a phone, a shirt, or a mug, but I Cannot Reach You instead color coded feelings via a bokeh effect. Blue Boy Yamato tried to deny his feelings for his best friend, Yellow/Orange Oddity Kakeru, but the colors don't lie, and the bokeh effect snitched on him each time. When Kakeru was tending Yamato's wound or when Yamato thought of kissing Kakeru, the bokeh effect would show both boys' colors to let the audience know that Kakeru was on Yamato's mind. But the biggest moment was when this phenomenon happened to Kakeru, which finally showed that he felt the same for Yamato. [GIF by @my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Best Blinding Light (of Love) - HIStory 5: Love in the Future

This award goes to the series that best used a blinding light to emphasize the overwhelming feeling of being in love. Taiwan and its long-standing HIStory series win this award because Taiwan showed everyone else why it's the expert. HIStory 5: Love in the Future waited until the last episode to use this with an established couple, which is why it deserves the win. Vincent had already quit his job and moved to the beach, where his boyfriend Wynn would visit, but in the last episode, Wynn quit his job as well and ran to the beach because he finally realized Vincent was the reason all his dreams came true. Vincent told Wynn he never planned to tell him because he didn't want Wynn to believe he owed Vincent, and Wynn told Vincent his love was genuine regardless of what Vincent had done for him. They kissed, and the blinding light hit as they solidified their love. Therefore, the light wasn't just for love, but for understanding what that love meant and where that love came from.

Best Lighting - Moonlight Chicken

This award goes to the series that best used lighting to support the story's narrative. Cinematographer Rath, who has regularly partnered with Director Jojo and Director Aof, never misses. Not once. And Moonlight Chicken is a flawless example of that. Warm and cool lighting were used to show the difference between neglect and care, isolation and warmth, and a house versus a home. The characters' development could be directly seen through the lighting surrounding them and projected on them. Heart's entire storyline is a beautiful progression through blues and oranges and reds, and we see that although Jim did not realize he was the heart of his community, the lighting made sure that the audience understood how important he was to each character he interacted with, even Alan.

Best Cinematographer: Nid Nidchaya - Dangerous Romance, Love in Translation, My Universe*

This award goes to the cinematographer who best supported the story through visuals without distracting from the ongoing plot. Thailand dominated this competition with Joy (The Promise, The Warp Effect*); Rath (Never Let Me Go, Moonlight Chicken, Our Skyy, Only Friends, Last Twilight*); Jim (Step by Step, Hidden Agenda, I Feel You Linger in the Air); and Suthipong (609 Bedtime Story, Our Skyy, Chains of Heart, My Dear Gangster Oppa), but only Nid deserves this win.

My Universe consists of twelve different stories, and each has had a slightly different visual presentation, but it's Nid's work in Dangerous Romance and Love in Translation that show off his true skill. When Red Rascal Sailom was drugged and attempted to call Blue Boy Kanghan, the bathroom was lit in blue as Sailom fell down from the purple, and when Kanghan cried while pinning down Sailom, they were surrounded by their colors. When Phumjai and Yan Feng kissed in their store, their colors enveloped them much like the colors would combine as they had sex in the same spot a few episodes later. The colors and the love were always present even if it was overlooked, which only reinforced the on-screen drama of failing to notice the ways love is always present, even when in conflict.

Best Rainbow - I Became the Lead in a BL Drama

This award goes to the series with the best use of a rainbow. There were many rainbows this year featured in opening credits and several more that were nominees of this award such as Our Dining Table's rainbow over the smiley face sucker, Dangerous Romance's rainbow over Kanghan's heart, Past-Senger's rainbow paper hearts in a jar, and Wen's office Pride flag in Moonlight Chicken, but I Became Lead in a BL Drama's rainbow in the opening credits of the first episode swooped in right before the clock struck midnight ending 2023. The reason it stole this award at the last minute is simple - it's queer. Regardless if a kiss happened or not, this series was still about two men falling in love, and that's pretty gay. But how the rainbow was used in the opening credits of the first episode with the Blinding Light of Love as the clapperboard hid the leads' kiss is what gave it the edge in this category. We only saw one practice kiss because the scripted one was never for us. That kiss was for the audience of the fictional BL drama, and the real kiss between the actors was just for them. It was gay. It was meta. It was Japanese BL.

Best Surprise - La Pluie

This award serves as a catch-all for a series that delivered a color-coded surprise while still incorporating it well within the plot. Several series offered color-coded surprises in 2023, but La Pluie, the show about soulmates, splendidly reinforced its plot through the two color-coded brothers at the center of the series. Tien was a Yellow/Orange Oddity who believed in the power of destiny, yet he ended up in blue with a person who wasn't his soulmate, and his brother, Blue Boy Tai, who never wanted a soulmate, ended up with his and embracing more yellow in his life. The story is more complicated, and so are the colors, but for a series about bucking fate, it resisted every common use of color-coding techniques in order to support that theme. Life is unpredictable, and so were the colors.

Best Group Effort - Destiny Seeker

This award goes to the series that best color coded a majority of its characters. Destiny Seeker had consistent color coding throughout the entire season, but it really excelled at color coding each of its three couples. The youngest couple color coordinated, the second pair were yellow x green, which is usually reserved for friends and not lovers and went well with their plot, and the main characters were the traditional Thai blue x red. The show gave three different color-coded pairs yet provided something new and fresh while still hitting each stop on the BL history tour, and no couple was wasted. Each one, and their colors, perfectly added to the story, and gave a nice depiction of the rainbow of colors that queer love can be.

Best Consistent Color Coding - Tie: What Did You Eat Yesterday? 2, My Beautiful Man 2, Naughty Babe

This award goes to the series that had the most consistent color coding throughout its run. However, this year we were blessed with sequels and additional outings from some of our favorite series and color-coded couples. Therefore, this award goes to THREE shows for not only having consistent color coding but for also openly using those colors as part of the plot:

Shiro x Kenji [What Did You Eat Yesterday?] - Shiro was always a Brooding Boy (dark colored) and Kenji brought color into his life, but the second season directly addressed this. Shiro wasn't ever going to be a colorful person, but he didn't need to be because the show repeatedly stated that relationships are about balance. Kenji loves Shiro because he is practical and saves for their future. Shiro loves Kenji because he is upbeat and optimistic. They have different colors, but they are the perfect match, just like their aprons.

Hira x Kiyoi [My Beautiful Man] - Hira was a loyal and reserved servant (blue) to his god Kiyoi (white). Yet the second season and movie continued to show that Kiyoi was not a god, but instead a man lacking love and color, and because of that, Hira had to learn to give his color to Kiyoi rather than mindless devotion. Both men shined the brightest when it was clear that Kiyoi loved Hira for his stalker tendencies, and Hira thrived knowing that the best way to show Kiyoi love was by being himself and doing exactly what he loved, which was taking care of Kiyoi with all his color.

Lian x Yi Kuea [Cutie Pie, Naughty Babe] - All polycule jokes aside, Lian and Kuea had a complete color-coded story in Cutie Pie, so Cutie Pie 2 U felt like a repeat of the first season, but then came Naughty Babe. The boys wore more of the other's color which proved they were very much still in love as husbands, and at their best friends' wedding, these husbands stood in red and took a serious moment in a season full of hijinks and shenanigans to look directly at the audience and state that "Love Always Win." Domundi has been beating this Marriage Equality drum the hardest, and it continues to use its characters to emphasize the importance of QUEER family and rights. The Next Prince and Love Upon a Time when?

Best Overall - Kiseki: Dear to Me

This award goes to the series that did it like nobody else to claim the ultimate prize, and no other show can even compete with Kiseki: Dear to Me. The promo material, as shown above, outlined the light versus dark dynamic the two couples would have in the show. The main couple would be the lighter love and the second couple would be the darker version. It also showcased that the main couple would be the loyal blues, and the second couple would be the defiant reds. Before the show even started, it told us there would be balance. One couple with their baked treats would be sugar and sweet, while the other couple with their torture tactics of chili peppers would be spice and everything-not-nice. It would be a group effort.

And once the fun got started, we got several color-coded cameos from couples in other well-known Taiwanese BLs, the Blinding Light of Love for both couples, and the pink light of love.

But it didn't stop there! The series gave the traditional color exchange between Blue Boy Zong Yi and his devoid-of-color future-husband Rui, but true to his word and actions, Zong Yi never took his color back. He was serious about his love and gave it ALL to Rui, which was also depicted by Zong Yi opening a bakery that specialized in strawberry goods, because in case it wasn't clear, strawberry =💗= love.

Even with all that, the second couple still stole the show for most viewers. Perhaps it was Eddie's rainbow cardigans and sweaters. It's possible it was Eddie's cat collars combined with Chen Yi's dog tags or the body pillows of each other that watched the other's back as they slept. Maybe it was the graffiti behind Chen Yi that stated he was "no good at goodbye" when he was lying to Eddie about needing him to help with business issues or that they continued to wear each other's clothing which WERE COLOR COORDINATED THE ENTIRE TIME!

Regardless of the exact reason people preferred one couple over the other, Kiseki: Dear to Me continued to serve a visual narrative that underlined the plot and provided additional context for both couples and the overall story. Color-coded boys in love get happy endings, and this series proved that.

Before the show even began.

#Reading the (Visual) Rainbow Awards 2023 #the colors mean things #the color exchange #color coded boys in love #barriers and boundaries #long post #best of qls 2023 #Reading the (Visual) Rainbow

[maxsimagination]

jessie fleming x reader being scared of heights

𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙗𝙞𝙖 - 𝙟.𝙛𝙡𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜

warnings: fear of heights

a/n: she short y’all sorry

------

it was the dream date, with my favourite person.

jessie and i had been dating for a year, so she surprised me with a recreation of our first date for our anniversary, all that time ago.

we had met through football, playing against each other at a national level, then i moved to portland thorns to play alongside her as a teammate. we hit it off and she’d taken me out for lunch at a local festival.

i was unaware of where we were going, jess didn’t tell me anything apart from how to dress.

when we did get there, however, i knew immediately what it was. the theme park was bigger than the one we went to a year ago, but it was still similar. the giant ferris wheel, slides and rides stuck up over the gates, and people were scattered everywhere.

we parked the car and walked up to the admissions desk. and by walk i mean jessie walked up, while i ran up in excitement.

finally we made it in and i immediately pulled jessie over to the dodgems. it had always been my favourite part of theme parks.

jessie took her time with me, letting me bounce around to each different ride or slide. then she walked us over to the ferris wheel.

i felt a bit nervy about the giant wheel, i was never a fan of heights or being high up in the air.

but i went on the ride anyway, i wanted to try for jessie.

we stepped into one of the carriers, then the door slid closed and we started to move. it was only slowly at first then sped up a bit. it wasn’t really going that fast at all, and it was actually pretty safe, but the irrational part of my brain had taken over. i was convinced that i was going to die if i stayed up here any longer.

jessie must’ve noticed that i wasn’t okay, placing her hand on my thigh with a little squeeze.

“yn, what’s wrong?”

“i- um. the, the height. i’m sacred.”

jessie understood immediately, turning me to look directly at her.

“just look at me. look into my eyes. deep breaths, in and out.”

i followed her instructions, breathing deeply, in and out. i could feel myself relax a little at her words.

when the ferris wheel had reached the bottom of the rotation again, somehow, jessie had managed to get the attention of the staff and they had stopped the ride to let us out.

i let out a sigh of relief when i stepped off the giant death trap, feeling slightly embarrassed now that i thought back on the situation.

jessie didn’t say anything, we just walked around the park for a bit before she brought me to a little green area where there were some other people having little picnics.

we sat down on the grass and jessie pulled out some containers from her backpack.

“i’m sorry jess. i didn’t mean to ruin the date.”

jessie paused what she was doing for a split second, finished unpacking everything then grabbed my hands.

“yn, don’t ever be sorry for something like that. it happens, we get scared of things. it’s completely understandable and you shouldn’t have to be ashamed of yourself.”

her words were too sweet they almost brought me to tears.

“god i love you jess. so much.”

#woso #woso x reader #woso community #jessie fleming #jessie fleming x reader #jessie fleming imagine

[marzipanandminutiae]

What was the deal with that Thomas cosplayer? Was she weird about Sharpecest?

Listen, my children, and you shall hear, etc.

so I've told this story before, but what the hell; it's on my mind. about two years ago when I finished my Lucille park dress cosplay, I posted the pics on Instagram and a makeup artist reached out to me. she'd done some genuinely cool ghost Thomas looks, and wanted to chat about CPeak cosplay. nice! she said some very kind things about my dress. excellent!

...and then immediately segued into bashing Lucille

now, you don't have to like any character. you don't even have to like them to compliment a cosplay! "oh that looks really cool" is fine even if you despise this character unto the flaming depths of Tartarus and back! but. you probably should not start harping on about how much you despise them to someone who just put in months of work to recreate their clothing

I kept trying to redirect the conversation. she kept dragging it back to Lucille Bad. the one exchange I remember distinctly was this:

Her: this is my rabbit! Me: oh, so cute! what's their name? Her: Lucille would never let Thomas have a rabbit. she probably hates it when he's happy :(

I just. no idea. not a single clue.

this went on for a while- "he should have just left her in the asylum! she's the absolute worst!" -before I finally tried to politely ask that she not do it anymore. I figured she might not know the etiquette, so I said it was generally not appropriate to bash a character to someone cosplaying them

wrong thing to say. this touched off a rant about how "female cosplayers" were the worst (cannot emphasize enough that she was a woman exclusively posting videos of Tom Hiddleston characters SFX makeup) and I was trying to force her to the character. cue blocking. The End

...sometimes I still think about the rabbit thing, though

#ask #anon #long post #cosplay #crimson peak #I think rabbits are quiet enough that her PTSD-ridden ass wouldn't mind them tbh #I always figured the issue with the dog was noise and sudden movement

[teabutmakeitazure]

Mistaken Friendship

>Yan! Modern! Childe x Fem! Reader

a/n: wanna ruffle those ginger locks so bad. I also hope I did the warnings properly

Warnings: manipulation, kidnapping, drugging, intimidation, threatening, coercion, mentioned stalker behaviour

Word count: 2.5k

Second part

*✧*｡*✧*｡*✧*｡*✧*｡*✧*｡*✧*｡*✧*｡*✧*｡*✧*

There's a picture of you on the wall. It's not even one you took, and it clearly looks like it was taken secretly in public.

Your stomach turns.

From what you can make out, this place seems like a penthouse. It's actually well furnished. Fancy, yes, but it's homey enough. Or at least it looks to be. All the floors are spotless and shining like newly polished marble. Everything looks pristine, way too out of your league.

A large painting with a cloth draped over it piques your interest. It's in the main living room, in a corner. Well, not exactly a corner but it's a few steps away from the glass wall that separates the terrace(?) from the living room. Is it some old, expensive painting? Probably is. He likes art but not the typical rich person having random expensive paintings on their walls kind of art. He only loved the art you made, even if you called it mediocre.

There's nothing more to this place. You don't want to boldly enter a room and see something you shouldn't or are better off not seeing. Even worse would be the scenario that you tick him off with that.

And besides, the only reason you even know that this is his place is because you've been here once. It was a brief visit considering that you decided to personally deliver his commission. He was surprised to see you at the door and pleaded you to come in, despite your efforts at insisting that you only came here for delivery. He made you coffee that evening. It was a pleasant atmosphere. One that you're certain cannot be recreated now.

The piece he commissioned was a bit intricate and detailed. Being a student, it took you a whole month to finish it: a canvas that's roughly the size of your torso. It even got you missing from or completely absent from your everyday park activities, something he questioned but didn't push you on.

However, you now feel as though he knew you were the artist and was just playing dumb. You had the client details so you knew it was him, especially with how he personally told you that he's in touch with an amazing artist who's making him a piece. Speaking of which, it's hung right there. The canvas is right next to the covered painting on the wall. Your signature on it would have made you feel proud if you didn't feel uneasy.

There's no sign of life here. Just eerie silence and the refrigerator buzzing. It's ominous and it makes you nauseous. There's regret in your heart. If you didn't ask him that day to pass the mechanical pencil you dropped, this would've never happened. You would be enjoying your summer vacation instead of being quite literally kidnapped just to wake up in the house of a supposed friend with a device attached to your ankle.

You rejected him. Maybe that's what drove him to this. Or maybe he isn't the one who did this. You don't know. There's no way you can know. You just woke up, the device could be something that someone put on you beforehand when you were unconscious and maybe he's the one who actually saved you with all his connections and-

The main door clicks. Panic settles in and you scramble back to the room you woke up in, hiding in the corner of the room that isn't visible because of the bed, with the lights turned off. It's pathetic but instinct nonetheless.

You hear the door shut and a sigh from the living room. The sound of a plastic or paper bag being set on a surface is followed by that of two feet padding on a marble floor. Keys clink, probably as they are set down, and you hear something being unzipped.

Something heavy and metal is put down, it's evident from the sound. Your heartbeat accelerates off the charts and you start counting backwards from 10,000 with differences of 7 with your ears covered.

10,000

This isn't happening.

9,993

You're safe.

9,986

You're okay.

9,979

You're not hurt.

9,972

Everything is fine.

9,965

Just relax.

9,958

You're not in danger.

9,951

This is all just a misunderstanding.

9,944

You're going to be home in a little whi-

He calls out your name.

You don't respond and pull at your hair with a stronger grip, counting faster.

He calls you again.

You start weeping, the fear sinking into your bones.

Luckily, it doesn't seem like he knows where you are. He had peeked into this room, you saw his shadow, but you weren't on the bed so he assumed that you weren't there.

Doors are being opened as he starts calling your name frantically. You go into full panic mode as you start quietly sobbing. He sounds angry and you're absolutely terrified.

A door slams shut and you jump, counting stopped. He mutters something about the bathroom to himself before you hear another door being opened. It closes soon after. Shrinking even more, you put your face in your hands as you curl up into a ball.

Everything and every sound around you is a blur as the only thing you can hear is your heartbeat. You don't even realise that there's a bathroom door near your spot, one that's being approached by him.

You start sobbing audibly now and in your position, did not notice him standing and looking at you.

Empty blue eyes watch with sorrow as he approaches the light switch, turning the light on. You notice and get startled once again.

It's over, he knows.

You don't dare lift your head up, bracing yourself for whatever's to come. It's a shame that this is what you've been reduced to. A small crying mess.

He rounds the corner of the bed and stands in front of you, watching, waiting. When you don't give a reaction, he kneels down in front of you and calls your name gently. Like a mantra, you keep counting backwards, and he frowns at the sight. You're scared; he doesn't want you to be afraid of him.

A hand reaches out to grab at yours and you flinch at the contact, head raising to look at him. Your bloodshot, puffy eyes meet his deep blue ones and he can't help but be mesmerised by the sight. You're beautiful, even when at your lowest.

The apartment is silent again as he drinks in the sight before him. You, however, don't know where to look. His face would be too intimate and given the situation, you want answers. Thus, answers you will get.

"Why and how am I here?"

He averts his gaze immediately at your question. The hand that was holding your wrist now moves to trace the device on your ankle mindlessly. You repeat the question and he gives a strained smile. "Do you really want to know?"

You nod, of course you want to know. He sighs and rests his head on the mattress beside him.

"I saved you.”

Saved?

Your confusion grows and at the sight of who you thought was your friend, you have an odd urge to grab him by the collar and demand him to be clear.

He continues at your silence. “I’ll explain everything but right now I need you to get up. Come on, I'll get you some water. You’re a mess, and I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“Childe.”

“Yes?”

“What’s going on? You’re not telling me anything!”

“Calm down. I’ll tell you everything, but first I want you to freshen up. You don’t look too good.”

You shake your head and protectively wrap your arms around yourself. “Not until you answer me first.”

With a defeated sigh, he asks you to sit on the bed and you oblige. Childe tries to sit a little close to you but seeing the look you sent him, he opts to sit in front of you. At a distance of course.

You rub your eyes. Everything is so confusing. Last you remember, you were in the backroom with a trash bag. As soon as you had put it out, you blacked out.

Then you woke up here. It’s either your two jobs taking a toll on you or something else.

“Childe, explain.”

“You passed out, and I took you home.”

“Not even to a hospital? And if I was going to pass out, I’ld know. A person just doesn’t suddenly pass out like that. I blacked out.”

He shrugs, “Believe it or not, you passed out.”

Damn rich kids and their ability to be casual in any situation. You rub your temples at the sudden pounding headache and point to the device on your ankle, “Then what’s this?”

“Oh, it’s for safety.”

“What kind of safety? And what exactly is it?”

You know what that is. It’s a tracking device that doubles as an alarm when it exits the designated premises. It’s frequently used on people under house arrest so how did he get his hands on one?

“It’s for me being able to know where you are!” The smile he has on his face is unsettling. Now you remember why you wanted to cut all ties with him.

“And… and why would you need to know that?”

Childe leans in, smiling, “So that I can keep my little birdie in its cage.”

Silence. You push away his chest and get up on wobbly legs, aiming to get out of this place. He watches with amused eyes, well knowing that he has your phone and your belongings that you were out with. Still, he decides to ask, just to give you some semblance of hope. “Where’re you going?”

“Home.” With that you're out of the bedroom and you start looking for your shoes. You can cut that ankle thing off later. What matters right now is going to a police station before you go home and hopefully get out of this mess.

“Ah ah, no you aren’t.” A hand grabs your arm from behind and you frantically pry it off. “What? You’re not going to stay for dinner?”

“Childe, it's 11 something pm. I need to get home.”

“Even better! It’s late, you should stay.”

“Out of the question.”

“It wasn’t a question to begin with.” The unsettling smile is back.

Ironically, he doesn’t say anything as you put on your shoes. He stands there, watching humorously like there’s a punchline that only he can deliver. You wrap your scarf around your neck, side-eying him and reach for the door.

It’s locked. There's nothing there to turn it to unlock the thing. It needs a key, you horrifyingly realise. When you turn your head to look at him, he looks like he’s barely holding back a laugh.

“I told you! You’re not going anywhere. The door’s locked.”

Shit.

“Childe, you don’t get it. I need to get back home! I… it’s very important that I do!”

“No one lives there. You live alone, so what could be so important?”

You wrack your brain for an answer as he watches you, amused. An idea pops into your head but following it is embarrassing.

“It’s uh, it’s a girl thing. I can’t stay here. I need to go right now.”

He laughs. The damned bastard laughs. "There’s a convenience store nearby. I can get you whatever you need, so there’s no need to leave at this hour, no? Or why don't you have a drink? I'm sure you'll sleep very well.”

Insufferable. Absolutely insufferable.

“What is up with you?”

Crossing his arms, he tilts his head amusedly. “I’m perfectly fine. You’re the one who’s sick. Come on, you should get some rest.” The way he’s so casual about it both infuriates and scares you.

“Childe, you’re my friend. Please, don’t do this.”

“Man, I never thought that word could sting like that,” he sighs. “You’re the reason I’m doing this so be good and just listen to me.”

“What did I do?!” this time, you couldn’t stop your eyes from watering.

“You existed.”

Those two words raised more questions than they answered. The nauseating feeling in your stomach got worse and now you have a hand on a nearby wall for support. Does this mean he wants you dead? Or are you a victim of something worse?

“Listen. You are… a lot to me, okay? I can’t have you out in the world like that. Not when I can easily have you to myself.”

“What… are you trying to say?”

“What I’m saying is that you behave and everything will go smoothly. I won’t hurt you and you’ll come around eventually. Y-you have to.” His gaze drops to the floor as his breathing becomes laboured and he paces around in his spot, hands running through his hair. “I-I can give you anything you want. All you have to do is behave. Even if you don’t love me r-right now, you will later. It’ll all work out, yes. It will.”

Childe lets out a shaky exhale, now locking eyes with you. You flinch at the sudden eye contact. With a smile, he continues. “This weekend, we’ll go to the city hall and get married. Then, we can enjoy the rest of the month alone. I’ll get to know your parents and you can get to meet my family. I’ll get you anything you want, and treat you with nothing less than love.”

With slow, menacing steps, he walks over, caging you between his chest and the wall. The way those dead blue eyes look into you has you weeping again. Mind fuzzy, you hardly register the way his hands cup your face and brush away the tears.

“I’ll clear out your apartment for you, so you don’t have to worry about that. Not even about your parents. They’ll understand. Even if they don’t, I can easily freeze all their assets with one phone call.”

You wish he would stop talking.

“We’ll be happy together. I’ll pleasure you every day till there’s no one in your head but me. All you have to do is behave.”

Windpipe closing up, you wish you skipped work today.

“I won’t kiss you right now,” his smile widens, “so you’ll have to wait till the weekend.”

“Childe. Please, don’t do this.” immediately, you feel your knees almost giving out, the fear and adrenaline too much for your body.

“I already am.”

“You don’t have to!” Hiccups start leaving your throat as your vision gets blurry, but his hold on your face doesn’t loosen. “If you l-like me that much, you should court me. That’s how it works.” If I can sweet talk him into letting me go, I could get to a police station. “I’ld like it, to be courted.”

“No need. We’ll be getting married soon.”

You cry harder, and he shushes you like a little kid.

“It’s okay. All you have to do is behave. I wouldn’t want to hurt you, now would I?”

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere x reader #childe x reader #yandere childe #yandere childe x reader #yandere genshin x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin childe #genshin fanfic #yandere genshin imagines #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin x you #yandere tartaglia #yandere tartaglia x reader

[theleakypen]

All right, friends, because I just reblogged another post reminding people about queer history, let me tell y'all a story.

When I was seventeen years old, I had the amazing opportunity to participate in a film class for queer youth and adults. I don't remember how I found out about this opportunity, but I'd just finished high school and had already decided to take a year off before going to college, and had just spent half a year immersing myself in poetry slams and slowly, slowly finding out about more and more queer community available to me in my city. I think I'd just started attending meetings at the polyamory org, too, hosted at the GLBT Center in the city. This was in the late aughts, btw. A little over a decade ago.

So I joined this class. The youngest member of the class was fourteen, the eldest was... I wanna say in their 40s? I never actually asked anybody their ages. And as I said, I was seventeen, fresh out of high school.

Our classroom was the computer lab in one of the recreation centers run by the city's Parks and Rec department.

For a month in the summer, we met at the picnic table outside this computer lab, unable to use the computers with the video editing software on them, because someone in the chain of command in the city had decided that it was inappropriate for adults and minors to be behind a closed door together.

(As an aside, the law that was passed in the St. Petersburg Oblast' the fall after I studied abroad there, was for "banning homosexual and pedophile propaganda". I'll let y'all draw your conclusions.)

Eventually, the organization behind the film class won and we were able to have a normal class. I learned so much! My film (and those of my classmates) got to be in a real actual film festival that people saw! (I am mildly embarrassed when I think about the film itself, because it's my old work and I have learned so much, about myself and about craft and politics and life, since then, but that's not important. What's important is that I had this opportunity.) The first nonbinary people I met who used "they" pronouns and neopronouns were in the class. I learned about the history and present of certain neighborhoods in my city because of my classmates and teachers. It took me years after that to grow better politics, tbh, but the seeds of so much of who I am now were planted that summer and fall.

And because someone decided that queer elders were a danger to us, it almost didn't happen.

So when I see young queer people on this site and others spitting on our history, spouting the same old lines about queer adults being predators, it makes me so mad I want to scream. We had to fight to be in the same room as our elders, those who lived. This is recent, this is now. Stop doing our oppressors' work for them.

#personal shit #long post #queer history #recent queer history tbh

[memoriesndew]

March Dump 🩰💭

It's the end of chapter 3 of 12 and we're moving into chapter 4, Last month wasn’t the best, and I could have definitely done better, — but I feel really fulfilled that I was able to do much better than last month I just pray to continue to grow. I still achieved a few things last month.

☆ last month’s small wins

● I hit an average of 6,880 steps. { This is a big deal for me}

● I completed the March quest on Duolingo

● I worked out for a good part of the month

● I drank enough water like actually much more water

● I feel motivated to do better

● did my skincare (mainly day this time but I also did it at night often)

● I made more sales - super grateful

● updated my notion consistently - I love tracking my progress it helps a whole lot

● I uploaded 4 notion templates - some free - some premium

● uploaded more blog posts

● I studied often

✿ and I went for Easter camp out it was amazing

☆ last month's self-care

● I finished watching The Office and I started Parks and recreation

● I got back on my miraculous and kpop grind - kinda

● listened to music - more gospel - feeling good

● spent time with friends - love my pookies

● read some fanfics

● read my Bible more often

☆ what I’m looking forward to this month

● my new goals for the next 3 months

● studying more

● being productive

● achieving my goals

● getting on my language study and kpop grind

● bringing more notion templates to life

I hope your month was awesome and I pray the next month will be so much better for you

bye for now my dew drops...

#monthly dump #aesthetic #pinterest #notion #girlblogging #reading #memoriesndew #clean girl #prompts #poetry #dream girl #productivitytips #girlblog #girlblogger #that girl #it girl #self care #self love #glow up #becoming that girl #self help #self improvement #self development #pink pilates princess aesthetic #pink pilates girl #pink pilates princess #green juice girl aesthetic #green juice girl #clean girl aesthetic #exercise

[bonebrokebuddy]

Okay, I just saw ur WIP challenge post, and cuz I'm addicted to DPxDC, could I ask about numbers 22 to 25? Cuz W H A T- all of those short-circuited my brain to think about consecutively

(If I can only ask about one per ask, could I ask about the Amity Park Nuclear Blast Zone one? Cuz omg that would explain so much if the timeline was lined up JUST the right way-)

Ty for all these suggestions because I now have the motivation to complete them. Most of 22-25 I have nearly completely done or have the beats planned out but need more research.

I'll make sure to tag you when each gets finished so you can see the ones you requested!

So far, you got me to finish up 22!  

A Summoning Going Dead Wrong (an ask by @sagaduwyrm I commandeered from @stealingyourbones that got stuck in WIP hell for the past month and is FINALLY done.)

The original ask: 

--------

stealingyourbones original intro section:

---------

Oh my god. 

I love this so much this is incredible.

Batman is grumpy, Flash is pissed, Superman is confused, all of the leaguers are frustrated because Madame Xanadu’s instructions weren’t working.

Go to the middle of bumfuck nowhere Illinois: check.

Recreate an insanely intricate summoning circle using a grocery list worth of extremely rare items: check.

Precisely at 3am start chanting the words from an ancient scroll that was written in a long forgotten dead language: check.

They followed Madame Xanadu’s instructions to the “T” and yet the ritual isn't working.

----------

Where I continued: 

-----------

It always starts the same. An icy wind tears out of the circle as a it begins to glow a viscous green hue.

 A metallic taste filling their mouths as the taste of ozone thicky permeates the air. The static almost reminiscent of touching your tongue to a 9V battery. 

 Oozing toxic green sludge begins to seep upward from the center of the circle, the color so bright it flickers out of human perception. The pile suddenly loses it’s viscosity and like popping a balloon of paint over someone, the goo splashes down, disappearing into the summoning circle, revealing, once again, the wrong damn person floating in the center. Danny Fenton.

Hal let out an annoyed groan as he sunk into the shitty lawn chair and let his head fall limp to the side as he watched Batman’s fifth attempt that week to summon The Ruler of Infinite Realms, yet again the wrong guy.

They knew Danny already, hell, he was a sweet kid who helped to set up the damn summoning circle on the first day of the JL’s arrival.

Danny and his Aunt Alicia were the ones who offered to let the League use a small section of her cornfield to do the ritual.

That same Danny, now out of his farm working clothes and in his pajamas, is currently floating above the summoning circle meant to bring The High Ghost King to earth. Hovering as if an invisible wire is holding his chest up while the rest of his body is slack for just a moment as Batman finishes the last incantation. 

The humid night summer air hits them with full force as the icy wind gets harshly sucked back into the portal leaving their ears and noses bitten with the rush of cold air, leaving their ears pop with the pressure drop, along with it disappears the eerie green glow. 

The only sign that the circle was active is the lingering taste of acid and the quickly dispersing feeling of static electricity. As last words are spoken Danny drops like a sack of potatoes from his position floating five feet in the air. 

The Flash zips over to and catches him before he hits the ground. The movement jarring Danny awake instantly, who quickly takes a glance around him at the cornfields and back at the Flash and relaxes. 

Then immediately tenses again as Flash zips him over to an empty lawn chair, the cornfield rustling his wake, and sets him down before heading back to his own lawnchair next to Hal’s. 

Bonelessly, Danny seeps into the lawnchair’s hold as he groans, looking exhausted, then glancing at his clunky neon green and white watch with his father’s face peering up at him from the end of the watch’s hands. 

“You guys know that I get up at 5 to milk the cows, right? Not at 3. Thanks for the wake up call but this is a little earlier than I’d like.” Danny said. 

Batman turned to face the pajama-clad farm boy and sighed, “We’ve had this discussion before, Fenton. The summoning must begin at the witching hour per the instructions or we risk summoning another entity instead.”  

“World’s greatest detective and he cant punch a hole through reality right,” Danny groaned as he limply flopped his head toward Batman who was heading to join the rest of the group around the fire, “At this point I should just stay up with you guys and wait if this keeps happening.”

Batman narrows his eyes and begins to open his mouth when Danny cuts him off, “If you say another word about me knowing what nights you try to summon the Ghost King on may interfere with the process and might decrease the odds of a successful summon, I am going to find the High Ghost myself and ask it to remove every gargoyle and grotesque perch in gotham and dump them into the sewer.” 

Flash scrubs his face in his hands and distantly looks over to Batman, “Give the kid a rest Bats. It’s been five times we’ve dumped him in this field without a warning. I can’t blame him for being at least a little displeased.” He turns to the yawning kid fighting off sleep next to him,  “Sorry man, we really thought it would work this time” 

“No, that's fine. Again, I really shouldn’t have tried to sleep if I knew you guys were going to keep up at it.”  Danny looked around at the other supers huddled around the campfire, sitting in lawn chairs that were all similar states of decay. 

“We still doing s’mores?” 

Hal grabbed the mostly empty bag of jumbo marshmallows next to his seat and tossed them to Danny, “Saved some just for you, kid.”  

Batman’s eyes narrowed from where he sits, now also sitting on the opposite side of the fire as Danny with Wonder Woman on his left and Superman on his right as he maintains direct eye contact with Hal.

The fire crackled inbetween them as Hal sighed and looked at Bruce, “No kidding, he’s pissed Bats. You're the one who keeps pressing that we need to summon this Ghost King. From what the kid says, if it’s still summoning him then it’s just finding the highest source of ectoplasm in the area and bringing it to the circle. Doesn’t help that the kid’s ecto-contaminated enough from his upbringing that it just pulls him in. I cannot imagine that he’s pleased at being awoken at ass-o-clock in the morning for the fifth time.”

“Hhm, you’re just mad you’re not getting your beauty sleep, Hal.”

“Oh trust me, I am. But we can’t just keep summoning this poor kid over and over.” 

“I’m 18!”

Ignoring the kid, Hal continued, “We need a way to fix this. Have we called Constantine yet?”

Batman sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose, “I’m aware this was another failure,” 

“You can say that again” Danny grumbles as he assembles his s’more with more force than necessary.

“It’s been a repeated mistake so far, I will admit that Daniel.” 

“Don’t call me that.” Danny snaps.

“Dan.”

“Don’t call me that either.”

“Danny, then. It is important that we keep trying. Constantine will be here in three days if this is not sorted out by then. However, I’d prefer to not interact with that man if I can help it so we will continue until then to do it with our own efforts.”

Danny, not Daniel and especially Not Dan, now gripes, roasting (or more accurately, burning the everloving shit out of) his smore over the fire, “I don’t even understand why it’s so important to summon him- oh shit!” 

The marshmallow melted off the stick and fell into the flames, already being a charred brick of carbon, it probably wouldn’t taste all that different from the cinders it fell on. 

Danny turned to Hal, “do we have more?” 

“Sure do, kid. Got a whole bag.” Hal grabbed and handed Danny a new marshmellow who viciously skewered the poor thing and shoved it mercilessly back into the flames. 

As his marshmallows immediately burst aflame, he turned back to Batman and repeats, “I don’t even understand why it's so important. He’s not even that cool of a guy, I swear.” Danny retrieved his newly made lump of coal from the fire and turned away to assemble the rest of his s’more, clearly not done with complaining but deciding to not test any more of Batman’s limit to dealing with half-dead children. —-- Clark sighed to Bruce’s right. His cape rustled lightly in the slight breeze that ran through the cornfield. That same breeze was also blowing the smoke from the fire directly in his face. He was told to be in this spot. Or more accurately, he was bullied to by Hal and Barry while Bruce, (who Clark just knew was getting a kick out of seeing Superman, The Man of Steel have to deal with directly inhaling campfire smoke for hours on end) stood watching from the shadows with a slight grin on his face because while Bruce didn’t admit it out loud, he was an asshole who liked seeing Clark in minor amounts of misery) who said that there wasn't enough spaces around the fire for someone to not be directly in the smoke’s path so he should sit there because technically didn't need to breathe.

The bane of his existence, the lot of them. Especially Bruce. At least tomorrow he’ll be able to watch Bruce struggle to milk a cow. The nerve of city boys these days. 

Clark took his eyes off the fire and turned to look at the asshole who’s made his days a little more bearable, “What do we do now Batman? This clearly isn’t working right.” He spoke quietly, turning his unnaturally sky blue eyes to observe Danny who was now making his second s’more while asking(interrogating) Hal again about the aliens he’s met while working for the Green Lantern Corps.

To his right he could hear the sound of heavy shifting fabric and quietly squeaking leather, the beat of Bruce's heart still as steady as ever as the white lenses of the cowl’s eyes stared at Clark’s back. 

Despite his frustration, Bruce hid it well, as he always did. But Clark could tell. “We did everything exactly as Madame Xanadu instructed. Either her instructions were wrong or we’re missing something,” Bruce spoke back in barely a whisper as he knew that Clark would be able to hear him no matter how quiet he attempted to be. 

After all, there was no need to talk louder on Bruce’s end. As long as Clark spoke loud enough for him to hear, they could converse partially in secret among the heroes around the fire.  

“Constantine is coming in three days.” Clark shifted his gaze back to Bruce who sat in his lawnchair with his typical guarded posture, the fire casting dramatic shadows across his face covered in the sculpted cowl, “You sure Captain Marvel is not available?” Clark asked.

“Marvel is currently dealing with matters at the Rock of Eternity.” Batman whispered. “It’s important that we continue to try to get incontact with the Ghost King with as least outside help as we can manage. Madame Xanadu said that he may be a powerful ally but could turn into a great threat if we’re not careful. The faster we establish contact, the faster we can determine whether this Ghost King can be trusted.”

“And be able to determine how to take him down if he goes rogue.” 

“The faster we get him on our side, the longer I have to-” Clark huffed and cut the Dark Knight of Gotham off. 

Leaning his arm back over the chair, he raised his eyebrows at his friend. All too used to Bruce’s need for contingency plans. “And the faster you’ll be able to find a way to take ghosts down? I know that you need us here in case something goes wrong because otherwise you would have done this yourself.” 

Clark continued, “But if this doesn’t work, Perry is going to threaten to fire me again if I don’t come back with a story about a peace treaty with the Ghost Realm.”

Bruce shifted his cape around himself, “He’s a powerful ghost with unknown abilities and is rumored to be able to take down entire cities with a massive skeletal army. I’m obviously out of my depth here, Clark.” 

“Hm.” 

They both fell into a comfortable silence for a moment. A light rustling breeze passed through the cornfield, making them wave softly as the sound of crickets in the distance and the crack of embers, pierced the humid night air. The sky overhead was filled with stars with the moon almost at its fullest. 

The silence was quickly broken by Hal who piped up from across the now dying fire, “Hey lovebirds! Now that you’ve stopped having one of your creepy one way conversations. I’d like to head inside for the night.”

Clark could hear Bruce just fine, it wasn’t his fault that Hal didn’t have the superhearing necessary to understand the other half of the conversation. It helped that the reactions it got were funny.

Hal continued, “it’s now 3:30 in the morning and Danny over here,” he nodded his head in Danny’s direction, “looks dead on his feet.” 

Danny, sure enough, looked absolutely exhausted.  

“Pfft, nah, only about half dead. I used to only get way less sleep in high school. Guess I’m just not used to it anymore.” Danny yawned and rubbed his eyes.

Hal patted Danny on the back and stood up, “Come on, kid. Let’s head back inside so you can catch up on your sleep.”

Danny waved him off, “It’s all good. I went to bed at eight so I got a good seven hours of sleep. Just not quite used to being magically summoned in the middle of a cornfield at 3am yet,” he said, brushing off his pajama pants and standing up.

“I better head inside and change so I can get a head start on cleaning the cow shed.” Clapping his hands on his legs, Danny hauled himself to his feet freeing himself from the ratty lawnchair’s grasp and headed down the gravel path to the farmhouse.

To the average human, the night sky just ever so barely illuminated the long path back. But to Clark, he could see the boy retreat as if it were day. Watching the boy reach the junction of the path then pause and think for a moment. Turning around he called out to the group of heros,

“By the way, who is Constantine?”

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #Danny Phantom #dc #dc comics #justice league #superman #clark kent #bruce wayne #batman #Flash #barry allen #hal jordan #green lantern #danny fenton #dp #hope yall enjoy #I thrive on dramatic irony and misunderstandings

[ughkat]

portrait | ashton irwin

requested

you and ashton have a picnic in the park. bringing your art supplies along with you, you decide to try and paint him and end up making a mess.

ashton x artist!reader

fluffy soft blurb

-

"Stay still." I giggled, peeking behind my canvas at the shifting boy in front of me. Ashton let out a chuckle as he reached for a strawberry on our arrangement of snacks beside us, quickly returning to position. I looked at his features closely, then back to my canvas, mixing colors carefully to perfect the shade of his hazel eyes. My eyebrows furrowed as I focused intensely on the portrait before me.

"You're so cute when you focus." He mumbled with smile, still eating the strawberry he grabbed. I peeked around my canvas again and glared at Ashton sarcastically. Our picnic was just perfect, we were surrounded by freshly cut green grass and oak trees, the grass topped with blossoming flowers of various species, releasing a calming scent to the air. The slow breeze mixed with the shining sun hit Ashton so beautifully, almost distracting me from my painting.

We arranged a generously sized blanket, along with various snacks, foods and beverages. I packed my art supplies with me, for Ashton told me he wanted to paint— which ended in me painting him instead. I obliged, for if I were given any reason to stare at and study him for any elongated period of time, I always took it. Though, his beauty was something a brush and a canvas was unable to recreate.

"Is it almost ready?" He tilted his head, doing his best to not sound impatient. I let out a small chuckle at his eagerness, glancing at him over my canvas.

"Not yet, be patient." I spoke softly, reaching to take a sip from my drink. As I closely inspected his finishing features, copying them onto my almost ready portrait, I glanced back up a final time to take a good look at my model.

He watched the scenery around us calmly, his soothing presence was like peaceful ocean waves

I added my final stroke to the canvas, beckoning Ashton to look my direction.

"Ready?" I chirped. He nodded with excitement, perking up in his criss cross position. I slowly turned the canvas, watching Ashton's face light up with a cheerful smile. He let out a giggle before moving the canvas closer to him.

"I love it, Y/n." He cheered, inspecting my work closely, "You never fail to amaze me with my own portraits, love.". He carefully scooted my canvas to the side, leaning in for a gentle kiss. Without me noticing, Ashton ran his index finger into a dollop of my paint, brushing it over my nose while my eyes were still closed and our lips were still connected. I let out a small gasp, dropping my jaw. He widened his eyes with a smug smile, knowing this was about to get messy. I quickly reciprocated the action with a giggle, rubbing a bright blue paint across his cheek. His reaction similar to mine, he pounced over me, supporting himself with his arms. He reached down and swiped a larger glob of paint, sliding it slowly across my cheek.

"Ash!" I exclaimed with a laugh, the leftover paint falling onto my shirt. Ashton wiped his hand onto his pants, leaning down for another kiss. I melted under his lips, our mouths dancing together in passionate rhythm. The paint on our faces mixed together and our kiss deepened, creating a series of new colors on our skin.

Our blanket, now covered in paint as well, wrinkled under our bodies as Ashton slowly brought his hand to my cheek, continuing our intimate make out.

He pulled away slowly, looking into my eyes adoringly.

"You're so beautiful." He spoke softly, using his thumb to wipe some paint from my cheek. I smiled back at him, then turned away, blushing.

"We made a big mess." I giggled softly, looking around at our paint covered blanket and clothes.

Ashton let out a chuckle.

"Let's make a bigger one."

#5sos #5sos fanfic #luke 5sos #calum 5sos #michael 5sos #ashton 5sos #ashton irwin #ashton 5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin blurb #ashton fluff #5sos fluff #5sos fics #5sos imagine #5sos edit #5sos calum #5 seconds of summer #5 second of summer imagines #ashton x reader #ashton irwin smut #ashton irwin x reader #5sos fanfiction #cth #calum hood #michael clifford #luke hemmings

[augustvandyne]

hi! could you write van x reader fic where reader braids van’s hair? & while they are vans getting goosebumps cause of her feelings for reader. with a confession & kiss? 🤍

hey! thank you for sending this in. this is my first time writing for van, so bare with me.

this is pre-crash

braids

You and Van have been playing together since recreational soccer.

The two of you were on the same recreational soccer team from the youngest age, to the eldest. You thought she was the most beautiful girl in the ugly red t-shirts.

Eventually you both had grown up, so you had to move on to middle school. But she was still the most beautiful girl in Wiskayok’s Middle School Girl’s Soccer jersey.

The redheaded girl was the star goal keeper, and you were the star defender. It had always been that way, and it always would be.

Van and you became close through soccer. Neither of your parents ever made efforts to come to your games or to pick you up from practices. So the two of you would sit together on the activity buses.

Now, both of you on the highschool soccer team, are the best of friends.

Although Van wished you were more.

The two of you sat on the bus together on the way to an away game. None of you were dreading it, because all of you knew you had this in the bag.

Van startles you when she taps your shoulder, making both of you burst into a fit of laughter which has eyes drawn to you.

She pulls your wired ear buds out of your ears, “Will you braid my hair?”

You roll your eyes, “You know I will.”

Earlier in the day, around lunchtime, you were teasing Van saying you wouldn’t do her hair today due to her withhold of answers on the health homework.

You’d become the person everyone came to to get their hair braided for games, events, or even just to have their hair done. You didn’t mind it, you loved that you were needed for something other than fetching beer for your father.

You pulled an earbud back into your ear and offered one to Van, since the two of you had similar music taste, you often listened together.

When your hand touches Van’s ear, she gets goosebumps. You don’t question it.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

You soon pulled into the opposing teams school parking lot.

It was a nice school, you had to admit, it was better than yours. But you wished their team was better than their school. You needed something to take your mind off everything going on at home.

When the team arrived, the team you were up against was still in class. Which meant you had about an hour and a half to two hours.

Jackie was the first to come up to you, almost as soon as you stepped foot off the bus.

Van rolled her eyes, which both you and Jackie caught. The latter smiled knowingly, because almost every single person on the Wiskayok soccer team, knew about Van’s feelings towards you. Except you, of course.

You nodded and Jackie grabbed your arm to lead you to the benches so you could start on her hair.

Jackie asked you some questions about you, school, home, and then about Van. She insisted she was just curious and that it was her job to be since she owned the title of captain.

You answered honestly, about all of it.

Once you were done with Jackie’s hair, Shauna insisted you do her next so she could spend as much time practicing as possible. She didn’t talk much, but she kept glancing at Van who now sat beside you once Jackie left.

After Shauna, Van immediately sat in front of you so you could finally do her hair. She needed to be ready as soon as possible, because they needed to warm up the star goalie.

You brush her hair out and part it. When your finger touches Van’s forehead she gets goosebumps again. This makes your eyebrows come together in concern.

“Are you good?” You leaned down to look at her face.

She hums and nods, eager to get out of this situation. The last thing she wanted to do today was her feelings towards you. Because if you were to reject her, she’d be in a mood, and she wouldn’t play her best.

When you finish the first braid you move to her other side to begin her next braid, trying to decide what to say to get the truth out of her.

She jumps slightly when you begin the next braid and that’s enough for you. Your hands leave her hair, making her turn to you in question.

“Why do you keep doing that?!” You freaked out.

“Doing what?” Van asked in a calmer voice than yours.

“Jumping and- and getting goosebumps. Is something wrong? Am I doing something wrong? Do you not like the braids? Do you want me to do something else? Or are you just nervous for the game? What’s wrong? Tell me,” You spit out questions at full speed.

“y/n,” Van smiled. “There’s something I should tell you.”

Even though she didn’t want to tell you, she did. She knew if she didn’t now you would just keep asking and you wouldn’t play your best because of your overthinking. And she’d rather it be her than you.

“I like you.”

“Oh. I like you too,” You tilt your head.

“No,” Van closes her eyes in frustration. “I like you as more than a friend.”

“Duh. That’s what I just said,” You roll your eyes.

“Oh,” Van chuckles, rubbing the back of her neck.

You lean down and give her a kiss. You don’t realize it, but now the whole team is watching as the two of you make out on the bench. Everyone’s grateful you guys finally admitted the feelings—even the coaches were. The tension was beginning to get unbearable.

“Finally!” Tai yells in your direction. You and Van both flip her off.

You laugh again and pull her in for another kiss.

#van palmer #van palmer x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader