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#now here i am like ok lets make this happen
starberry-cupcake · 2 days
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I'm back! Thank you kindly for your patience, we're done with Act III! It was probably a terrible idea to wait because this is so long, I'm so sorry.
previously, in harrowhark! a vagrant the ninth:
this happened
also a couple previews that will show up in this but are in the tag
currently, chapters 24-31 (END OF ACT III!!!):
harrow wakes up after sleeping a sensible amount of hours in yandere twin's room
yandere twin, who's into chomping cavaliers, complains about having had some harrow soup
they have a sort of tender moment, I guess
they have a complicated dynamic
harrow falls asleep again
she's in the bed and yandere twin is sleeping on the floor
and harrow is woken by the sound of self inflicted pain and torture
harrow gets tired of this and decides to just rip yandere twin's arm off
@lady-harrowhark reminded me that I called this (!!!) in this recap
I had absolutely 100000% forgot I said that but congrats past me!!!
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so, there's this scene in which harrow rips yandere twin's arm off and puts a new bone-y one in there, remade with her own parts
like this
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some people have told me in the replies that it's a sessual sort of scene, and I get that, I suppose it was the vibe it was going for
total respect to that
but I'm gonna be honest here
it felt like I was witnessing a birth and harrow was the midwife
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so harrow lets yandere twin know that she's been improving her necro powers via studying and practicing to try to make up for her being "lyctor lite"
harrow and alleged gideon aka ortus are the only people here that seem to be getting any work done tbh
so now, with the new arm, inner chad can use the sword again
and yandere twin is happy because she's now a proper lyctor and has senior chad aka augustine's approval
harrow is proud of herself for doing nice necro things like chopping and reconstructing arms
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as a thanks, yandere twin agrees to help harrow to kill alleged gideon the first aka ortus
nobody asked you, but ok
I actually have no qualms with alleged gideon aka ortus
because he's at least direct and honest about it
everyone here has an agenda, at least this guy's like directly trying to physically kill harrow
at this point, I respect the direct approach
augustine and emperor reverend professor john can go fu—
WELL, ACTUALLY, WE'LL GET THERE LATER
CHAPTER 28
we're back at gideon-less canaan house
canaan house isn't safe in any universe, all the trails lead to death
everyone who's alive or accounted for is having a sleepover
there's a bunch of people unaccounted for, actually
the kiddos from the fourth are allegedly hidden elsewhere
who knows, at this point
I don't trust anyone
there's a fog and rain and water rising still
which reminds me of the movie identity, in which they all were trapped in that motel because it wasn't actually a motel and they weren't actually alive per-se
magnus and abby say that protozoa should have decked mayonnaise uncle
which is one of the reasons why the gideon universe is superior
aside from the presence of gideon and camilla
I miss them so much I'm gonna start biting cavaliers
anyway, where in the hell is duracell bunny nephew???
he wasn't with mayonnaise uncle when he yeeted himself
his soul, which got detached from his body in the gideon universe, is still flying like a balloon across universes and dimensions, I guess
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abby didn't expect regina george twin to die, apparently, and says "if she's gone, then perhaps that means..." but doesn't elaborate
nobody ever elaborates
abby also makes harrowbean read another one of the "harrow texts"
I can't keep adding them all together in recaps because this will end up being super long but here goes the new one
"I will remember the first time you kissed me —you apologized— you said, I am sorry, destroy me as I am, but I want to kiss you before I am killed, and I said to you why, and you said, because I have only once met someone so utterly willing to burn for what they believed in, and I loved him on sight, and the first time I died I asked of him what I now ask of you. I kissed you and later I would kiss him too before I understood what you were, and all three of us lived to regret it—but when I am in heaven I will remember your mouth, and when you roast down in hell I think you will remember mine"
so yeah, we've got a triangular situation, I suppose
I need to put all of them together to continue to draw connections
my though was that this could be ice cube barbie aka annabel lee, because of the long-lost sun, but I'm unsure still
I don't think the timing fits the other side of the 3d model that's the gideon's mom and rebel leader situation
inconclusive still
abby suggests harrowbean she might be haunted
which might also fit with ice cube barbie??? maybe??? idk
CHAPTER 29
harrow says she doesn't remember shit about chad
get perpetually owned, chad
mercygirl asks harrow things about her necro process for the arm reconstructing and the last thing she asks is "what is the name of the saint of duty?" to which harrow says "ortus the first" and mercygirl goes
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me and my "alleged gideon" theory are very happy about this
the hill I will die on
mercygirl continues to use onomatopoeias to express herself
I do not want to think about what that would imply in a later situation I don't want to dig into
"you read unholy omens in the way people say good morning" that's what these recaps are, thank you very much harrow
that's our tagline over here, that's our brand
"how you loathed any sentence beginning with augustine says" SAME, BESTIE
I HATE THAT MAN
he can go fu— ANYWAY
harrow and yandere twin are having sleepovers so that harrow isn't murdered in her sleep
apparently the nudes are cyrus and his cavalier and yandere twin likes that energy
they gifted them to others as souvenirs too
it's like if you had a university classmate who sent nudes to the groupchat every birthday
yandere twin says augustine the asshole has agreed to help kill alleged gideon aka ortus the first
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I don't trust any of these lyctors if they're willing to kill each other this easily
how do I know they've got my back in combat if they don't have each other's backs—
I CAN'T EVEN ARTICULATE MY THOUGHTS AND NOT SOUND TERRIBLE NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS LATER IN THE PARTY
ANYWAY
yandere twin reminisces about not having been apart from regina george twin much in their lives and hoping she's sleeping well wherever she is
I also don't know where she is
yandere twin tells harrow that she was more farsighted than her
which I'm sure she was, but she doesn't seem to remember shit about it, and the letters remain unopened
harrow thinks it's kinda gross that the cyrus lyctor murdered his cavalier to become a lyctor and then took all of their nudes to the emperor's bolthole
none of these lyctors are operating from a place of common sense, harrow
"you were lucky that the memory of your own cavalier did not hurt you—except sometimes in the form of a sick headache in your temples, or in words stuck on repeat in your head"
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so, augustine's plan involves dinner
harrow, hearing that, is like this
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they look for clothes in the cavalier's things
yandere twin says "valancy trinit was my height, weighed more than both of us put together, and —judging by her portraits— had a body that did not quit"
I sure hope she's a thick girl, because I've had enough disappointment with the gideon cover not letting her have the arms she deserves
I hope valancy trinit looks kinda like this
ANYWAY, here's the makeover vibes, as previously shared
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apparently chad could embroider, which I have to admit is a good quality
hate giving him any props, but I must be fair
harrow painted the less cute skull in her repertoire and we respect that
they went to augustine's room and he's still an asshat
I don't like how he treats yandere twin tbh
I feel like yandere twin has a thing with validation because of how her life has been and he uses that
augustine justifies his betrayal to his fellow lyctor saying that he "caused more pain over these last scant forty years than I dare to admit"
mercygirl is also here for the party, all dressed up
SO HERE'S THE THING
I am so embarrassed I didn't pick it up on the fly and it took me the whole chapter to put it together
augustine tells her "dios apate, minor"
at the time, I didn't remember what it meant, and when I finished reading the thing, I was like "oh, it's exactly like the deception of zeus"
I forgot that's what it was called
I mean, I got the "dios" part, obviously, but forgot the "apate"
my ancient greek professor is going to come back into my life to shoot me at my doorstep
to be fair to myself, it was a long while ago that I took ancient greek
AT LEAST I PICKED THE REFERENCE UP AFTER, OK????
god, I'm so embarrassed
palmolive, I'm so sorry, I promise I figured it out eventually
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mercygirl punches augustine in the face, which is great
he insists on it being "minor", which idk where the line is there and I'm not gonna ask
idk which things are or aren't...involved in a minor form of zeus's deception
mercygirl says she's not wearing the right dress, I don't think it matters, it worked just fine
CHAPTER 30
everyone gets drunk except for alleged gideon aka ortus and harrow, because they're the only people in this group project who are doing the work
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augustine and mercygirl start fighting about something their cavaliers did back in the day
they start toasting for cavaliers and talking about how "hot pyrrha was"
there is no respect for the dead in the emperor's bolthole
there's about to be something else in the emperor's bolthole in a minute though
I was excited about them drinking, though, because that's when people start spilling some truths
the lost commander of BOE is a "she", her name is/was Commander Wake, she almost killed alleged gideon aka ortus
I'm still spinning with the gideon's mom theory
and the background telenovela I've got going on
BOE found a Herald, killed it and turned it into weapons against these clowns
good for them, tbh, kill these drunk irresponsible bastards
emperor reverend professor doctor john thinks it's narcissistic of him to toast to himself
I want to murder him in cold blood
I hate this man so viscerally I want to rip him apart with my hands
the twist in this book is that I'm gonna reach to his murder and it's gonna be me
it's like bastian reading the neverending story but it's me killing this man
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his full name is john gaius but I had been spoiled of his name by people not tagging their posts
he also does a "your mama" joke because he's my villain origin story
"part of your brain temporarily calcified into atheism" I'M GLAD, HARROW
so, they start to make out, all three of them
I finally caught up about zeus's deception and all about here
emperor awful is sandwiched between mercygirl on a table and augustine behind him and they forget there are children in the room
well, not children, but same difference, they're a million years old
harrow and yandere twin get the hell out of that display
CHAPTER 31
yandere twin wants to kiss harrowbean before she leaves to kill alleged gideon aka ortus, but harrow doesn't let her
harrow says "my affections lie buried in the Locked Tomb" to which yandere twin responds "Somebody might even exhume them for you"
when harrow mentioned not wanting to be touched while sleeping beside yandere twin, I remembered the pool hug and all that, that was a nice time
people were being killed left and right but it was a nice time
ANYWAY
harrow has a whole plan and has it all figured out, it's a really good plan, it works very nicely, but alleged gideon aka ortus isn't where they told her he was
sometimes, life works that way
the man you plan to kill isn't in the training room and all
she goes to look for him in not!dulcinea's crypt or whatever
and she sees this
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and the spear
she follows the children's hospital trail of blood to the incinerator
alleged gideon aka ortus is inside the fire thingy and not!dulcinea is operating the controls
I wonder who could have predicted that this woman could still be an issue even after death
me, it was me
anyway, no time for I-told-you-so's because harrowbean decides to help him out of there
I'm very happy because I need him alive
he knows things and he's less bad than everyone else around here
because he's upfront about the killing
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he tells her some things while he's kind of out of it
like to use blood wards instead of bone ones
that it will make her safe from "us"
"I know you're there. Kill me all you like. I would know you in the blindness of my eyes" he says and, among other things "Just tell me—back then—why you brought along the ba—"
WAS HE GONNA SAY BABY???? WHAT IF HE WANTED TO SAY BABY???
I'm still on my gideon agenda, sorry if it's embarrassing to read
of course emperor dickhead stops him before he can finish it
alleged gideon aka ortus says he doesn't remember shit afterwards and harrow sees her own mental state reflected in his
they can't find not!dulcinea, apparently
she's probably operating heavy machinery elsewhere
harrow is putting up her blood wards when she hears augustine and mercygirl argue about the whole zeus situation
the incinerator alarm apparently interrupted their plan of letting this happen
whether or not they had a hand on the not!dulcinea thing idk
mercygirl says she didn't move her
we end this act with ice cube barbie maybe annabel lee saying "The water is risen. So is the sun. We will endure."
obligatory yearning for camilla moment
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That is the end of Act III and of my commentary because this was way too long and I need to make less chapters at a time istg
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marikosenwrites · 1 day
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karasuno boys - dating headcanons (pt. 1)!
a/n: sen here!! heyy obsessing over our haikyuu boys are we <3 yes i am i'm only on season two right now though, almost season three!! i'll be doing aoba jousai, nekoma, and fukuroudani gakuen! enjoy!
characters: hinata shouyou, kageyama tobio, tanaka ryuunosuke, sawamura daichi, sugawara koushi (suga-san🥹), tsukishima kei (TSUKKI🥹) [pt. 1], yamaguchi tadashi, takeda ittetsu (just me and one of my favorites), ukai keishin [and in that order] {pt.2}
pt. 1 || pt. 2
notes: in this au, kiyoko can't be married to tanaka...yeah. they're still in highschool, btw
gn!reader
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↳ ❝ [ 日向翔陽 HINATA SHOUYOU ] ¡! ❞
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-this cutie omg
-probably the first to confess
-gets all blushy when you're around at the start of the relationship
-you love ruffling his hair
-if you watch him practice until the end, he treats you to meat buns!! if he doesn't have enough money, he'll just share one with you
-kageyama is jealous omg and tsukishima is just like "the chibi got a girlfriend??"
-loves you so very much
-his love language HAS to be words of affirmation and physical affection
-you just can't help but return the affection
-if you don't know how to play volleyball, he's gonna teach you!!
-if you know- he's going to ask you to talk to him
-dates will be chaotic and affectionate
-often cooking dates!
-you love his family especially natsu
-also love them amusement park dates with him
-he's so fun loving and all
-kisses are very innocent, close to no spice at all except when he's feeling super annoyed or something
-loves cuddling with you when it's bedtime <33
-does NOT have a specific schedule rest assured
-calls you his dove (aww)
-you love calling him sunshine <333
-HE'S JUST SO BRIGHT
-I SWEAR
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↳ ❝ [ 影山飛雄 KAGEYAMA TOBIO ] ¡! ❞
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-a sweetheart actually
-he's so cold on the outside but lights up when you're there
-kisses have a little bit of spice
-he's too prideful to confess first ig so you make the move
-loves it when you come to his practice to support him
-at some point he has requested you to become a manager because sometimes ukai thinks you're a distraction for him so asks you to walk out for a bit to let kageyama concentrate
-you bet he has worried over it because he didn't know where you went
-ok onto the main shit
-dates are always somehow sport related (HOW DOES HE KEEP FINDING THEM)
-sometimes an outing or two when he's actually free and not busy with volleyball stuff
-you'd think he isn't clingy...WELL IT'S THE OPPOSITE ALRIGHT.
-he actually craves YOUR attention and YOURS ONLY
-i think you two would have a cat together (named it NOTHING after the other volleyball players you know :/)
-loves your cuddles too
-WAIT WAIT HEAR ME OUT
-YOU KNOW HE BUYS THEM DRINKS RIGHT
-HE WOULD BUY LIKE HUNDREDS FOR YOU IF YOU WANT
-aww the little (wait he's tall) guy
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↳ ❝ [ 田中龍之介 TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE ] ¡! ❞
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-the hot-headed guy just can't get enough of you
-you sometimes make fun of him for being almost bald-
-but he's okay with it because he loves you (as long as you dont do it that often)
-okay so firstly like kiyoko WHEN HE SEES YOU HE CONFESSES TO YOU ALMOST IMMEDIATELY
-one second he's dumbfounded by your beauty, the other he's confessing to you already
-like you reject him first few times
-AND THEN AND THEN YOU START TO FALL FOR HIM
-THEREFORE YOU ACCEPT WOOOOO
-it's uh "Y/N-SAN! I LIKE YOU CAN YOU GO OUT WITH ME?!!!" and then you're just like "ah- yeah. mhm."
-he's just like :o WHAT
-okay that's it for the confession
-dates are always what you want
-if it happens you want to make cake, go for an ice cream shop, an amusement park- whatever, you name it and he can afford it? YOU'RE GOING
-they're all so sweet...
-he's also needy at some point when you're dating
-so...MORE IN MY NSFW LATER
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↳ ❝ [ 菅原孝史 SUGAWARA KOUSHI ] ¡! ❞
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-i'm gonna bet 100 dollars that he's the one confessing
-STEP ONE: get you as his girlfriend
-firstly he's going to ask you to meet him during lunch in the morning
-second when you're both there he confesses
-to his surprise you accept to go out with him and one date turns into two, into three and ON
-STEP TWO: MORE DATES TO COMEEE
-always ice cream dates and baking dates
-always appears to get flour in his fluffy hair
-ALSO ALSO YOU LOVE PATTING HIS HAIR AT ALL TIMES IT'S LIKE COMFORTING YOURSELF
-sometimes picnics too <333
-STEP THREE: there is none for now but THERE WILL BE SOON. SOON ENOUGH.
-his way of giving you affection is by kissing you, cuddling, and giving you praises...
-do you have a praise kink (nvm forget i asked that)
-cuddling in bed is one of his favorite ways to go to sleep
-you stroking his back is too
-you guys are always the talk of the karasuno vb boys group when you guys get together for gatherings (the perfect couple?!?!?!?!)
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↳ ❝ [ 澤村大地 SAWAMURA DAICHI ] ¡! ❞
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-he's definitely the one to confess first being the big boy man he is <3
-literally will kiss you when you accept
-so taken aback you felt like you were going to faint
-his kisses are so gentle help
-ok maybe not sometimes but we all know when that is
-love playing with his ears mayybe?? i know there's nothing different with the rest, but i just feel like it's with daichi
-your first date is an amusement park one ✨✨
-p.s. you shared the cotton candy lmao-
-he literally walked you home and your parents invited him in for dinner
-they like him very much thank you
-relationship has been approved now your parents are urging him to marry you even though it's only one week into the relationship-
-now HE'S the one that pats your head every time he passes you in the hallway or whatsoever
-when you move in together LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS YOUR CHOICE NOW
-you can choose the flat, the decorations, the vibes, the furniture- EVERYTHING
-loves you that much yes
-the sweetest guy ever NO DEBATE
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↳ ❝ [ 月島蛍 TSUKISHIMA KEI ] ¡! ❞
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-SALTY SHIMA. THIS MAN IS SO SALTY
-i swear bro
-he has rizz though that's for sure
-he confesses to you first (it was during lunch you remember the day like it was yesterday)
-his kisses are half spicy (igg since tsukishima is that kinda person)
-the mean to the public and only kind to you kind of person <3
-dates are usually home dates (he's an introvert (i headcanon))
-perhaps if you can persuade him (it's a 50/50)
-first date was a movie date
-then you went home with him (you went to his house)
-and met his parents
-they liked you very much <33 now treat you like their daughter
-the next time you went on a date, you brought him to yours and he made a good impression but they don't love him as much as his parents do to you
-i will write the time skip arc for this because i am biased and you literally can't stop me (but tell me if you want more i'll reblog it with more hcs)
-you were so happy for him when he joined the sendai frogs
-cheered for him on every game (LIKE THE SHIRT AND THE SIGNS AND STUFF)
-facepalmed himself out of spite ya bet he got a scolding for that
-"KEI KEI KEI GANABTTE," that was you, screaming at the top of your lungs at your HUSBAND.
-"oi, tsukki, who's that?"
-tsukishima facepalmed himself, earning a glare from you, "my wife."
-"EHH?? TSUKKI HAS A WIFE??"
-lmao the most normal occurrence
-after that koganegawa would often come to you and ask for dirt on kei (screw him for facepalming)
-saltyshima (in the public) → sweetieshima (in front of you only)
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©marikosenwrites 2024-25 all banners, dividers, and work. please do not steal. i own none of the HAIKYUU!!/ハイキュー!! characters mentioned. reblogs, likes, and comments are welcomed. <3
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raphael-angele · 1 day
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Nico is a Baby, Bianca is Alive (The Separation)
Before the cabins decided they'll take turns watching over Nico while Bianca is away, Percy and Annabeth were the only ones Bianca trusted to look after him.
Bianca: And make sure he eats his vegetables.
Percy: We know, Bianca.
Bianca: If he eats sweets, make sure that he drinks water after.
Percy: *repeats what she's saying* Yeah, yeah. We know. You already told us like 15 times
Bianca: *sigh* Sorry. I never left him for so long.
Percy: He'll be fine with us. We promise. Annabeth will give him a one-on-one teaching, I'll make sure he wont get hurt during training.
Bianca: *narrows her eyes*
Percy: And we'll both see to it that he eats healthy and gets enough sleep.
Bianca: ...Uh huh
Nico, running to them: PERCY! PERCY! C'MON! You promised to play Mythomagic wirh me *drags him off*
Percy: *dragged off* Ok, ok
Annabeth, walking up to Bianca:
Bianca: Hope he wont be too much work.
Annabeth: Eh, he's been a delight so far. He's kinda like a mini Percy
Bianca: Now that kinda worries me
Annabeth: *chuckles*
Bianca: Maybe I shouldn't go. I'll just tell Lady Artemis that I'll go next solstice.
Annabeth: Are you kidding me? Bianca, you get to travel the whole entire world. You shouldn't miss out on that, especially after spending 70 years in that hotel
Bianca: I know. It's just...I'm starting to think that maybe I rushed into the decision.
Annabeth: Hey, you have every right to be join out of interest. And Nico's happy for you. Sure it took some time but he is. Sone time apart will do you two some good.
Bianca: You really think I'm doing the right thing here?
Annabeth: I think you deserve to find out who you really are. And that's not gonna happen if you're always gonna be concerned with the well being of other people over your own.
Thalia, entering: Bianca. Ready to go?
Bianca: *looks at Annabeth*
Annabeth: *smiles*
Bianca: ...Nico!
Nico: *goes over to her then sees Thalia* You have to go now?
Bianca: Yeah.
Nico: *hugs her tightly*
Bianca: *hugs back*
Nico: Is there anything I can do to make you stay?
Bianca: ... *slowly pulls away* Nico. You know that I can't always be by your side, right? I can't always look after you.
Nico: Yeah, but-
Bianca: You need to be a big boy, now. You need to learn how to do things without me.
Nico: B-but, I don't know how to be a big boy.
Bianca: That's why people here will help you. People like Annabeth and Percy will help you.
Nico: But why can't you teach me?
Bianca: ...because I need to grow up, too.
Nico: *hugs her again* You'll come and visit me right?
Bianca: Of course I will. Every chance I get.
Nico: And you'll send me post cards?
Bianca: I'll try to send you one every week to tell you where I am and what I did.
Thalia, putting her hand on her shoulder: It's time to go.
Bianca:
Nico: *lets her go*
Bianca: Tell you what? How 'bout I let the trainers teach you how to shoot an arrow?
Nico, sparkle in his eyes: REALLY?!
Bianca: Yeah, it'll be good on you to know how to fight monsters. And if you guys beat us in Capture the Flag next time, I'll let them teach you how to use a sword.
Nico, sparkles in his eyes: *gaaasssp* Percy! Annie! You heard that? I get to use a sword!
Bianca: *soft smile then looks at Thalia*
Thalia: Let's go.
Bianca:
Nico:
Bianca: *kisses his forehead* Arrivederci, soldatino.
Nico: Arrivederci, amata sorella
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xxchaosjojoxx · 2 days
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Just a little flirt - Penguin x Reader Part 2
A/N i was asked to write a second part so here it is. Thank you again for being nice on my first english fanfic ❤️ more love for our penguin boy Also i wanna try writing more and improve my english skills. So if you have any request or ideas, tell me if you want :3
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You ran into your shared bedroom with Ikkaku and slammed the door behind you. Heavenly breathing because of your little escape sprint.
“The fuck are you doing?” Ikkaku asked.
“N-Nothing.” You said and you began to move towards the ground for you to sit.
“Will you avoid Penguin for the rest of your life? Just talk to him.”
“I can’t ok?” You sighed and hid your face in your hands.
Ikkaku stand up and hugged you. “Y/N come on. It was an awkward situation for both of you. You guys should talk about it. “
“He hates me.” You sniffed. “He doesn’t hate you. He adores you. Everytime he looks at you, he is so cheerful and happy. It is nearly disgusting how your presence can turn him into a  giggling idiot.”
You looked up at Ikkaku. “He doesn’t adore me. He was just teasing me. And now he knows that I am interested in him and he is disgusted by it. I feel like a stupid little girl with a stupid little crush”
“Are you delusional? Maybe he ran away because he saw that you are interested in him and he couldn’t proceed with it.”
“We can never be friends again. I ruined our dynamic.”
Ikkaku groaned and shaked my shoulders. “Listen girl. Stop it. He has a crush on you. He won’t ever hate you, or despise you or anything else. Just tell him that you have feelings for him. And also a little crush? Your crush on him is huge. Although I always thought you would go for our captain. You two seem pretty close sometimes”
“Wait what? I mean, yeah the captain is quite handsome and smart. I could be interested in him...” You looked shyly away. “But Penguin is the one who got my heart. He is so cute and attractive. Very funny and still he is like a gentleman sometimes and tries to protect me from any harm. How could I not be interested in him? How could I be interested in anyone else?” You started smiling like Ikkaku.
“Everyone knows of your crush on Penguin. Except him…and maybe Shachi. So go to him. Tell him. I am sure he feels the same way about you and doesn’t wanna ruin your friendship by making a move.”
Ikkaku stood up and helped me to get on my feet. With encouraging words I was on my way to Penguin.
Penguin fell on his bed and groaned. “What happened? I thought you wanted to go to y/n.”
Penguin groaned even more. "Yeah, I was."
Shachi puts his comic away and looked at Penguin. “Did she reject you?”
“Nah,  I didn’t get the chance. Before I could knock I heard her and Ikkaku talking.”
Penguin moved his head to look at Shachi, who would give him a ‘Tell me about it’ look.
“Y/N has a crush on Captain Law.”
Shachi jumped off of his bed. “She what? Y’sure?”
Penguin changed his position so he could sit on his bed while hugging his pillow. “She said that Captain is quite handsome and smart and she could be interested in him. I left.”
“He IS pretty attractive and smart.”
Penguin threw a pillow against Shachi. “Not helpful.”
“Come on, Pen. That doesn’t mean that y/n isn’t crushing on you.”
“Are you nuts?” Pen’s voice got louder. “I was a total idiot. I made her uncomfortable. I was planning to make her blush and see her cute little smile. And not her being afraid and probably disgusted by me and avoiding me whenever she can.”
Penguin groaned even more.
“I don’t think y/n is afraid or disgusted. Maybe it was too much for her to handle. Maybe she couldn’t comprehend your high flirting skill.”
Penguin looked defeated. He stood up and sighed heavenly.
“It doesn’t matter anymore. Even if we talk about it and work it out, she isn’t interested in me. I should let her go.”
“Pen..” Penguin opened the door. “I have night watch. See ya later.” And with that, he was gone.
The submarine was chilly and it was past midnight. You went looking for Penguin and Shachi informed you that he was on night watch tonight. You couldn’t wait any longer. You have to talk to him and embarrass yourself. Even if he didn’t accept your feelings for him, you want the two of you to stay friends at least. As you made your way towards Penguin you felt nervous.  There he was. Sitting on the ground, sighing and focusing.
You sat quietly beside him. ‘Great, he ignores me.’ You took a deep breath. With a tap on his shoulder and a quiet “Pen?” he nearly jumped away from me.
“Oh gosh y/n. Do you wanna kill me?”
“I’m sorry. I…ehh..maybe I should go.” You looked away and wanted to stand up.
“Wait please. I was just startled by it. My mind was blank.”
You both looked away.
“I am sorry.” You both said in union. As you looked at each other and said it at the same time, both of you had to laugh.
“Pen, I am sorry. If I had know that you would react like that, I wouldn’t even flirt back with you in the first place.”
Penguin stopped laughing and looked at you. His expression was sad.
“I shouldn’t have disturbed you like that. I am sorry.”
You sat there in silence. Unknown what to say. Can we just forget that this morning happened?” You asked nervously and Penguin felt hurt. ‘I knew she wasn’t interested in me at all’
“I should've never flirted with you to begin with. Sorry y/n.”
You felt a sting in your heart and you were about to cry.
“I didn’t mind it, you know? I just didn’t think that I grossed you out with me flirting back.”
Penguin looked at you, but your gaze was on the ground. Hiding from him
“I wasn’t grossed out. I just don’t understand why you flirt back if you have a crush on our captain.”
This was it. You looked up at him confused. “I don’t have a crush on Law. What are you talking about? I flirted back, because I thought that I can show you, that I mean it. But I now know that it was just a prank of you. I mean you tease me all the time. I interpret too much.”
You were blushing but couldn’t look away from Penguin. He was stunned. “You meant it? But what about Law? Are you toying with me right now?”
He wasn’t sure if it was a nightmare, a prank or whatever.
You took his hand in yours and he was looking at you with a blush on his face as well.
“I have no idea why you think I would be interested in Law.”
He gulped. Your hand was so warm and you looked pretty cute right now.
“I wanted to apologize. You talked with Ikkaku about Captain and I didn’t wanna interrupt you two.” Penguin looked away, while he scratched his neck with his free hand.
Realization hit you.
“You didn’t hear all of it?” You asked and he shrugged his shoulders.
With a deep breath to calm your nerves, you drew circles on his hand and he looked at you again.
“It’s true that I think highly of our captain. Yeah he is handsome, but he isn’t you.”
You blushed heavenly and  now cupped his face. He tried to hide his face with his hat even more. “Wh-What are you d-doing, y- y/n?”
“I’m telling you, that I have a huge crush on you. Captain Law is handsome and smart, but so are you. You are funny. I love your jokes. I adore you for so many things. You are brave and protective and-” You couldn’t talk anymore, because Penguin shut your mouth with his lips.
He was kissing you softly. After a few seconds, it was way too short, he was looking at you sheepishly. “Sorry for not being respectful. I know it’s not nice to interrupt someone who talks, but I couldn’t handle all those things you said to me.”
“Pen, are you embarrassed?”
Pen blushed even more. His red head was shining in this darkness.
“Of course I am embarrassed. How could I not?” Penguin looked at you and smiled. “You told me so many nice things to describe me, I have no idea why you said it.  And you also told me you have a crush on me.”
It was your turn to look away and hid your face behind your hands.
Penguin softly took your hands so he could face you again.
“I also have a huge crush on you. You are wonderful and cute. Your bright smile makes my day. This morning, I ran away because I thought you hated me. I wanted to kiss you so bad back there, but you looked so afraid and yet like you wanted it to happen. I was confused.”
You smiled a little. “It was like a novel I read. I love those actions in a story. But experiencing this in real life was exciting and intense. Especially if it happens with a very cute and handsome man.” I giggled and winked at him.
He hid his red face again under his hat and laughed as well. “Oh shut up you”
“Make me”
As soon as I spoke the words, I felt a pair of lips on mine again.
The kiss was like him. Sweet and gentle.
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strawberrybyers · 3 hours
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okay so after that video was posted of the screams at the radio station, i remembered i wanted to look up info on what these episode titles mean and i think it gives some insight as to what the hell is going on at that radio station. so yeah let’s get into it 👇
first things first: the episode titles of the first 6 episodes has been released via jeff sneider. apparently sneider is an award-winning film critic so idk i imagine this would be legit considering he wouldn’t want to lose his credibility considering his status?? but who knows
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episode 1: the crawl ( i wrote about this episode when they first announced the title)
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episode 2: the vanishing of ***** wheeler (personally i think it’s karen going missing. it just makes so much sense to me. she had her own poster for s4. she has had contact with the mindflayer when she tried to have an affair with billy when he was a host. there’s interesting parallels between karen and the creel family. like karen is going missing i just know it. and nancy also said in s4 that something happened to her mom in one of the visions vecna showed her!)
episode 3: the turbow trap (ok so apparently a turbo trap is an acoustic tool?? so my assumption after reading up on it, is that a turbo trap basically absorbs the bass through the tube of it because there is a hole on the top of it and depending on the size of hole, dictates the air flow which then puts out a certain frequency. basically, the more air a turbo trap can “trap”, the lower the frequency it can reach. i imagine they are going to be creating a big turbo trap involving music and/or sound since that is a deterrent for vecna and it also attracts the demo bats?? and they’re also filming at the radio station a lot and radio stations are frequencies (think FM and AM radio stations you go to to listen to music or the news or whatever))
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episode 4: the sorcerer (i mean my immediate thoughts went to el, but then after reading some D&D lore about the connection a sorcerer has with dragons (imagery/mentions of dragons throughout the seasons and the painting was of the party up against a dragon), a possible touch of a demon (vecna/mindflayer), and the mention of how they’re competitive to the usefulness of wizards (will the wise) in a party… i’m like holy shit is the sorcerer potentially WILL????? like will finally evolves to becoming a sorcerer in s5?? or the sorcerer is el and will remains the wizard and we get the super duo willel???)
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episode 5: shock jock (this is the definition of a shock jock. i’m thinking which character would fit this description and i say it’s murray. that would also make sense as to why he’s filmed there at the radio station. remember murray’s character was introduced as someone who was investigating the russians and the lab and all that, so for him to start a radio station being the “humorous, controversial guy” in all this mess makes 100% of sense to me lmao)
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episode 6: escape from camazotz (i feel like this title gives some insight as to what the hell was going on in the new footage of screaming at the radio station. a camazotz is basically a death bat. i assume it’s the demo bats making a comeback from s4. but here’s the thing: a camazotz is described in one description from some computer game to have a very specific screech. if this screech, hits an enemy god then the sound wave will echo. just think back to the explanation of the turbo trap and what that does. so yeah, i think camazotz are at the radio station and the screeching was THEM. the screams sounded so chilling thinking it was steve or someone else, but i don’t think it was human screams! i think they were demo bat screeches 😎 also, steve was attacked by one of these things so idk does he have some connection with them now and that’s why they’re after him???)
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devilishmango · 5 hours
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The Story of Sin [UPDATE 4/27/2024]
Find the demo here. Link to the main post here.
Hey guys! 
Welp, I finished the chapter just in time for this month’s update. 😅 I really liked this chapter, though… Things are starting to not be ok for Sin, mentally, and I always love writing things like that 
In this chapter, you…
Pick up that small creature! [And NOT hurt it!! Good job!! 👏]
Hang out with Murmur for a bit and learn a bit more about yourself
Hurt Murmur’s feelings :( [It’s ok, you can apologize!]
Have another strange dream
Upset Will. :( [It’s ok again! You can apologize… Eventually.]
Hang out with Murmur and Anya for a bit. 
Some things- I’m slowly changing the look of the whole game. Now that some ✨THEMES✨ are settling in, I’m able to actually make the IF look a little prettier. I have some other art I will be adding later, when something in particular happens in the story, so get ready for that as well! [Also, this is random, but I realize that I’ve never mentioned this… The beautiful hand/forehead model for the SoS banner is my lovely little sister. Just wanted to throw that out there! 😂] I am also introducing a secret stat 👀 I’m not entirely sure how I want it to look on the stat page, so right now it’s just a number that will either go up or down depending on some of your choices. So, until I figure out how I want it to look…… Enjoy just a random number on the stats page. 😂
Also! If you are interested in being a beta-tester/proofreader, please send me a message on tumblr. Or, if you don’t have a tumblr, just send me an email. [email protected] Please only message me if you are serious in beta-testing or being a proofreader. I’m not really picky about how much experience you have, but I do want people who would actively be helping me correct things like grammar, bugs, coding errors, etc. Oh! Also, you will need a discord account to be a beta-tester or proofreader. That’s the only requirement!! 
And, since it’s been a hot second and I have a lot more followers now… If you are able to, and like my art/works to the point that you would like extra content, please consider becoming a patron, or buying me a kofi! I know times are tough right now, so it’s totally fine if you can’t donate anything. But even just sharing/liking/commenting/etc. Are other ways you can help support me. But, if you do have a few dollars you can spare a month, I have tiers on patreon ranging from $1-$5- you get extra content that you can request, and early access to updates and whatnot! 
One more thing! I was just able to get this month’s update done, but I definitely think May’s update might not happen. 🥺 Midterms are next week, AND I’ll be going on a small vacation to Portland, OR. for about a week at the start of May… So I may not have enough time to put together the update for next month! I’ll let you guys for sure when the time comes, but I just wanted to let you know now in case it ends up happening! Thank you for being patient and understanding. ☺️
See you all next update! 
CURRENT WORD COUNT: 45,725 52,969 [+7,244]
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venus-celestial · 3 days
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Pushing my Nesquin agenda with the prompt for day 3 of @nestaarcheronweek Self-care
So I hope you all enjoy it
Sweet Sea
Nesta's breath catches in her throat and she clutches harder to the male at her side and she stares with deadly fear she can't do this no way
"Your alright it's alright Nesta breath" Tarquin says one hand coming up to stroke the back of her head the other gently holding her arm
"You've been doing so wonderful and I'm so proud of you Little Pearl" He says gently still stroking her head "I'll be right here holding onto you as usual I promise" Nesta shakes her head a little frantic
"I can't i- I can't" She says her voice almost a whisper as she clings more tightly to him Tarquin wraps his arm around her back and gently pulls her into him
"Oh my darling brave girl I promise I won't let go" he starts"you are so strong and so brave I know you can do It I'll be right here and I won't let anything happen" he promises
Nesta looks out into the pool it would only up to half her chest and her feet would still touch the ground but gods was she terrified
"I won't let you go sweet girl" Tarquin said hands gripping her firmly as if to prove his words true "I swear it on my life I won't let anything bad happen to you" be promised
Nesta took a deep breath and held on tighter to him "Ok" She said voice soft with a hint of determination "Let's go" She looked at Tarquin and he nodded
Slowly they started making their into the water Nesta holding on to Tarquin the deeper they got as promised he didn't let her go
As they got deeper Nesta held unto Tarquin tighter to the point she had to wonder how she hadn't ripped his shirt at all
Once they made it to the deepest part of the pool Nesta had to remind herself to breathe the water was warm this wasn't the cauldron she was alive
Tarquin started pulling away slowly and Nesta panicked gripping his shirt tight and crying out in prue Alarm "No please" She cried
Tarquin Started stroking her hair again gently shushing her 'It's alright lovely it's alright I'm going anywhere" he said "I'm just putting a little space between us so you can look at me but I'm not letting go" He soothed
Nesta took a few deep breaths and took both her hands in his and gently backed away not to much but just enough that should could look up at him without hurting her neck
"Hi" She breathed softly Still taking deep breaths to clam herself he chuckled lightly "Hi Pretty" he said back gently letting go of one of her hands so he could stroke her head lovingly
Nesta Leaned into the soft touch enjoying the way his fingers played the honey- Brown locks They strayed like that for a few minutes before Nesta pulled herself into his chest
"I want out now please" She murmured Tarquin let out a soft laugh at the adorableness his lady displayed "Alright Lovely let's get you out" he said as gently hoisted her up into his arms and Bridal carrying her
Nesta buries her head into his neck and closes her eyes as he makes his way through the palace and towards their bedroom
it doesn't take him long to reach it using his magic he opens the door stepping inside and then closing it with his foot as he makes his way over to the bed
He sets her down gently before summoning an attendant and whispering something to them eyes still closed Nesta listens to the sounds being made around her
Nesta only opens her eyes again when she feels Tarquin pull her into lap and putting her head on chest when her eyes slowly open she takes in her surroundings
Their in the middle of their bed pillows and blankets surround them the balcony doors open letting in the nice summer air and their canop has been tied open
Nesta Has just finished looking around when Tarquin holds a spoon up to her lips
"Here" He says "Eat lovely" Nesta does without hesitation taking the spoon in her mouth
the coolness am flavor of chocolate and strawberries has her delighted immediately Tarquin chuckles and removes the spoon quickly replacing it with another spoonful of ice cream
He keeps feeding her until the bowl has been emptied and then proceeds to wrap his arms around her and lay them both down onto the bed
"I love you my lovely girl" He says pulling a blanket over the two of them "I'm so proud of you and how far you've gotten and I'm so lucky you're mine" He finishes beginning to stroke Nesta's hair
Nesta let's out a sigh of contentment as he gently messages her scalp She feels so loved and cherished and she knows as long as they both live he won't let her forget that feeling
That's all folks hope you liked it
God I need more content for Nesquin they are so cute and I just love them anyway as always please forgive any spelling mistakes
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sluttyhenley · 1 year
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You’re a good man, Cage.
EDGE OF TOMORROW (2014)
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oatbugs · 1 month
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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nyxofdemons · 3 months
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four years for this show...
#IM SORRY. ITS JUST. IM SO. HHHHHRGN#its fine. its good. its entertaining to say the least#but from a writing perspective......#im not an anti i am the worlds biggest helluva boss enjoyer the hellaverse is SO SPECIAL TO ME#but.. the more i see about hazbin s1......#how in over four years was this what you came up with. how is the pacing this insane. how is this character treatment ok.... PLEASE#my sorta toxic trait is that as someone obsessed with media analysis; narrative devices; and story structure -#as well as just. someone who is an aspiring showrunner/creator working on my own huge projects -#is that every time i come across a movie or show that i think is done in a really lacking way. all i can think about is how i would#have done it instead#(this happens in a non-critical way too tbf if i really enjoy a book or game i'll be like they should let me make a based on film)#but hazbin. hazbin. all i have right now is 'i could fix her' in my head#I WOULD TREAT THESE CHARACTERS RIGHT I WOULD GIVE THEM THE NARRATIVE THEY DESERVE#there is. so much potential here. how is the execution so lacking#mine#good ideas!!!! good moments!!!!!!!! THE OVERALL CONSISTENT NARRATIVE IS NOT DOING SO HOT#as a side note though i really think this is why helluva is doing so much better in terms of pacing and writing. the structure of that show#is so much more accommodating to a long intricate story WHILE weaving in a billion different character stories#8 episodes for hazbin is insane season 1 needed twice as much#nyx crit tag
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trying to assign instruments to gerudo characters for thralls' soundtrack. Nabooru is getting the sitar so far, as I think she's good at representing the gerudo side that's closer to the Wild Era in terms of long-term vision for gerudo prosperity, not to mention that it works great for a more laid-back character; though Iftaah could also get that aspect, even though her perspective is a little bit more desperate and a little less actually strategizing about diplomacy and commerce in the way that Nabooru's is... not sure I have nailed down the perfect instrument for her yet though? Maybe a duduk, for its plaintive quality and capacity for softness? But I don't know, I feel like there could be something better out there. Saeruk and flamenco guitar seem pretty great fit for the versatility of the instrument, both harsh and defiant, playful at times, but also extremely sad if needs be, and the fact that she represents more the "older" kind of gerudo works well with more hispanic/romany inspirations. And then there's Aveil, who I feel represent the best the connection of the gerudos to their land, and I'd love an instrument that really represents that. Still looking for that one.
There's a bunch of fun things for Ganondorf that can be done, but I think he'll get... bigger instruments, in general. And church organs are quite versatile too it turns out. :) I like the marimba from his first phase boss battle, but it's a little too... I don't know, I feel like it lacks the roundness and depth and imposing quality that we could get with other picks. But Ganondorf so far has about *eight billion* leitmotifs going on with what I have selected for him (him and Ganon's, as they are... not exactly separate entities in the story, but sort of, it's kind of weird), so it might be more a case of actual melody rather than instruments, or maybe on top of instruments that swap in and out depending on what we want to invoke...
Sorry, rambling, but I would really love to compensate for my lack of voice actors with a pretty meaningful stab at the soundtrack. I feel like I kind of have to honestly. ;;
#thoughts#thralls of power#animatic project#gerudos#nabooru#ganondorf#I need to upgrade my music software and stop using Logic 5.5 that came out in 2002 ;;#and gives me between 30mn to 2h before subjecting me to a coinflip about whether or not it corrups my savefile#never really had the material for a proper upgrade but I really want to make one and that seems the perfect opportunity for that#also yeah nabooru has kind of a big role in thralls!#she wasn't there at all in descant or just in passing#but she becomes kind of an important player in this version of the events#her antagonism with ganondorf is. definitively there let's say.#it's funny I actually kind of used descant as a brainstorming ground for thralls in many ways#as every single character arc is just whatever I began to sketch out in unhallowed vespers#but like More and More Deliberate and more focused too#there's a bunch of threads I completely cut out#so it won't be a perfect 1:1#which is for the best I think I just hadn't spent enough time with some characters to truly get them#I'm much more confident now#Iftaah is perhaps the one that needs the most work at the moment? she has a Bad Fucking Time so I need to make sure#it goes to places that not only serve other people's arcs but also her own --and that she ends the story in a meaningful place narratively#Serielle also needs work but more in the sense that's there's so much happening in her brain. and it's pretty difficult to convey.#but I fully know what's going on in there at least even if it's wildly convoluted#anyway!! rambling rambling sorry sorry#I am frustrated that I can't actually work on it so here I am rambling#ok back to work now
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savrenim · 1 year
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gods nov 5th is the gift that keeps giving
#I recently have been dragged into I guess sort of the boku no hero academia fandom in the funniest of ways#which is to say I read a crossover fic went 'huh that's good' and decided to read more fic while also deciding to never watch the show#which I've only done for one fandom before and tbh it might legit be a more fun fanfiction reading experience than the normal one#it is WILD trying to reverse-engineer what is simply well-accepted fan theory and what is actual canon#I've definitely gotten a few guesses wrong but the osmosis process is really fun#(esp bc if you want to be a good detective you have to check dates; even people writing very carefully close to canon#might have written a fic before canon came out)#BUT ANYWAYS I guess I read BNHA fic now it's actually pretty good#probably bc there are multiple characters that fit my standard..... not even 'blorbo' preferences#my 'you have a backstory and/or situation that means fanfic written about you is most likely going to hit the spot' preferences#1 defs being Eraserhead bc let's be real 'I am a very tired gruff teacher working two jobs at once who does not get any sleep and has#against my own will adopted all of you why is this happening to me I'm so tired' is The Most Relatable#Hawks bc Crafted Into A Weapon From Childhood is The Weapons Feels^TM#and then Dabi bc that was the crossover that I read that was fun ok it was a silly jjk crossover of 'what if Gojo is reincarnated as Dabi'#that just transferred all my 'HELLO FAVORITE CHARACTER' emotions onto Dabi who then I go and look up and has also the sort of backstory#that makes him fave character material#SO here I am sitting here just generally happy with all of this watching my annual Nov 5th meme compilation#and LO AND BEHOLD there is strong arm 'trending during the us election: destiel/ BNHA' meme#and I'm going 'what the fuuuuuuuck my new favorite fandom aLSO TRENDED IN THE NOV 5TH CHAOS????'#so obviously I had to look up why#WELL THE WHY WAS DABI BACKSTORY REVEAL#anyways my housemate had to check on me as to why I was screaming and it turns out that indeed nov 5th#is the gift that keeps on giving#if you have read this far down in my tags I feel like you now know uncomfortably personal things about me#esp if you know enough about BNHA to understand all of that#so if you have any fic recs About My Favs I'm taking them I esp enjoy canon retellings bc it's REALLY fun to try to figure out#which bits of those are actually canon
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batfossil-fr · 1 year
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I have another skin I've been wanting to get some progress on and then I remembered that I haven’t streamed in one million billion years. if people are interested in a jank little ipad stream (oh god I’ll have to figure out if that’s even possible) maybe I’ll try my hand again at streaming my art. no promises I’m still trying to crawl my way out of Only Making 2 Pieces of Art Per Year so I cannot guarantee when the mood will strike me
#unfortunately it has been a Bad Time. i had all these hopes to start up a non FR blog and was going to!!! but I'm so dead.#I hope I'll be able to do it soon because I really want to! it just requires energy of which I have none right now#I have an insane amount of worldbuilding shoved in my head and it would be fun to share#like I will go insane with worldbuilding if I'm left to my own devices. I was trying to make a new chromosome system the other day.#I once tried to figure out orbital mechanics to make a planet system. I am an evolutionary biologist. I know fuck all about orbital mechanic#s#god help me because I started thinking about weather patterns recently#anyways#really the most part is I just gotta get over the mental hurdle of ahhhhh sharing scary#sharing stuff here has me sweating sometimes LOL#just because Ahhhhhhh People Can Perceive Me and My Art#plus streaming is like Get Perceived Idiot and I think that I need to practice that#anyways welcome to my TED talk.#who cares!!!!!!!!!! @ ME Get This Through Your Head.#also I know I'm the king of ok I will try my best to make this happen! and then not making it happen but I did not forget.#I have ALWAYS wanted to make an art blog since I was like 12 and learned what those are. but 11 years later I'm still too chicken to do it#SO. I'm working on it#I am biting the bullet and forcing myself to start posting shit. eventually. soon#if you want to get the jump on it my tumblr is actually already made I'm just sitting on it and letting it haunt my brain#it's rewormer. just rewormer#because I will be posting about worms. many many worms. I love them. they are my brain rolled out into a worm shape.#MY brainworms. no dewormer allowed <3#my interest in worms went from 'I love looking at sandworm concepts I should make one sometime' to#'ok I finally made my own sandworm and they are so incredibly self indulgent that I can think of nothing else now.'#speculative biology my beloved at this point I do my little biology thing and then come home and immediately try to apply all of those ideas#anyways holy shit if you read all of this. I give you a sticker#but I just wish I had the energy to do all this. I'm hoping it changes soon because I do really want it! very badly! I just am not there yet#unfortunately things have been Bad and I have not been doing Well and life kinda derailed and then the train fell into a lake.#and I am still sitting in the water being like aww shit my train. but I'm hoping to call Train AAA soon#holy shit I hit the tag limit okay bye for real
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#hmm its been an interesting week i suppose#very busy in a good way. but that is always how it starts. i make myself so busy and it feels good and then i wobble and fall out of my body#so im feeling wary. also bc ive been under sleeping more than ususal but im not really tired but im also not boiling out of my skin with#energy. i just feel ok. so thats good. but also a demon in the back of my head is always like: then stay up all night. lets see how far we#can push this. which is not good. and in fact ive been proscribed like basically emergency mood stablizers to knock me out if i start like#losing my mind and not sleeping lol. bc i dont wanna b getting ready for something big and like completely unavailable to control my#ability to think. and ive also been proscribed birth control to get a handke on my fucked up hormones. so we'll see if that makes things#less all over the place. hopefully it works bc im so busy i kinda dont have time to like freak thr fuck out#but i am a lil apprehensive bc like i can count on my hormones to make me feel things when a lot of the time i dont have much emotional#range. so its like fuck finally i can cry abt this. or like fuck this is so beautiful. but then i also cant function sometimes#so i guess i just gotta see what happens. sigh. also the typical frustrating in having to read so much. like ppl hear im dyslexic and r like#oh do u want accommodation? like literally wtf r u gonna do to help me as a grad student? it just takes an agonizing amount of time to#understand thing. i have my computer read to me and i suffer. theres literally nothing else to b done abt it. and fucking next week i have#to teach a fucking lab abt reading scientific papers. they have to read a paper in class. fuck off. those r the types of exercises that make#me feel so fucking stupid. like do this thing right now. read it right here and answer questions abt it. and i fucking read it and retain#fucking nothing. im fucking 26 and literally in my grant writing class i have to apologize to every person before i give them feedback like#lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes#me mad i have to teach a class that would have made me cry as an undergrad. so ill prob hold their hands thru it more than the other TAs#will. bc fuck u im not making them read a whole fucking paper in class. fuck u#plus the frustration of not being able to express myself well in thr moments. like theres a delay in my brain so i feel so dumb when im#trying to convey myself off the top of my head. like give me time and ill write it all out for u i just cant actually process wtf ur saying#to me. also i probably spaced out for a sec so i missed part of the convo lol. frustrating but at this point its just how it is. it makes me#more empathetic when i have to teach i guess. like listen ive got all kinds of fucking learning probs i just wanna help u learn something#how can i help? fucking dyslexia. god. i dont wanna prep for class this weekend. ive gotta show up like yea i kno reading papers is hard at#first but it gets easier! fuck u. its worth the suffering if i enjoy to topic but its always suffering. but thats what i get for going into#academia. thr dr who proscribed me stuff was like well sounds like u have a stress trigger and ur a phd student where life is stress... u#gotta figure out whats gonna work for u. sometimes thats a career change. not in like a pushy way just like: if what u do makes u suffer#then wtf r u doing? and hes got a point. but in contrast to what i was doing this is a massive improvement#well see if its manageable. ugh. i just wanna draw#unrelated
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peapod20001 · 1 year
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Haha don’t pay me any mind oho
#vent#ok. so#I was! fine for the most part today! but then! idk what happened!#I’m like sad now! depressed? like. I kinda don’t feel real#I think I was giving myself anxiety over thoughts. got really clammy. literally shoveled goldfish crackers into my face#now don’t judge me but#I’ve been looking at things that make me feel bad for like. at least 4 hours now haha..#I dunno man it’s the adhd I got one thought about thing that made me upset and now I’m hours in and my emotions are fried#and. shh don’t tell anyone I feel things but I know have a fantasy of someone I can cry around#whehe how pathetic is that. scraping the bottom of the barrel here looking for another human just let me cry @ you#hmm. how did I go from thinking up poems for valentines only to. feel so cold and alone#I’m not crying. but. I definitely need to later haha maybe this all kickstarted from my two whole hours of sleep last night 😎#mhm so uh. if your reading this with the most cold unfeeling monotone voice then you are exceptionally accurate!i am currently not all here#can’t sleep now tho gotta. do other shit I guess#I’m laying in bed for a second though. my legs were very cold to the touch. unfeeling unhuman#oh and I might be balding potentially but that’s still just a theory. my dad noticed and pointed it out#haha what would I be withought my hair? another germ just populating this Earth?#oho ahh. hm. I’m just a trying to say I don’t fell right now if that makes sense. anyways
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elytrafemme · 1 year
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hand over mouth you guys there’s something afoot here 
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