#not really a vent but just me rambling

[providnce]

is it cool if I start posting Foals stuff on here?

#instead of just. reblogs #not really a vent but just me rambling #this is gonna sound so dumb but #i feel like i’d be annoying my catb mutuals on here #especially bc i’ve been a catb blog for a little over a year and a half #and people who want foals content wouldn’t wanna see it along with catb content #and i don't wanna make a sideblog #so i’d be in a weird place #and like. the foals mutuals i have i’m too scared to message LMFAOOO #and idk man there’s not many people really posting foals stuff i’ll feel super alone #and it’d be like being a part of TWO tiny fandoms #BUUUT at the same time their tag is so fucking empty #either that or it's just horses #and i need to scream about foals and yannis #bc hyperfixation #personal

[thunderc1an]

2 comic wips

#mod rambles #tw eating disorder #tw: eating issues #tw eating issues #tw: eating problems #tw eating problems #The crookedpaw comic is very much so a personal vent art #just spent a week of vacation with my mom #vacation was fun but man can she really affect me #Meeting my therapist on Wednesday! #yay! #highly recommend therapy #anyways hope you have a good rest of your day!

[coreaflame]

so ssorry to anyone i promised art to . my msm hyperfixation has unfortunately ended , which took a toll on my motivation to draw . i still really like the game , but it just does not make me as happy as it used to

above is an artistic representation of what ive been doing for the past month or so . resting . and i will continue to rest for a bit more .sorry

#this is unnecessarily dramatic im trying to say that my autism just doesnt vare abt msm anymord while i genuinely want to be interested in i #one does not simply force a hyperfixation #as you could tell this blog will be taking a break and possibly start posting more about non msm related things . i sincerely apologise #i really hope the hyperfixation comes back . i really do . it has brought me insane amounts of comfort for a year now #sorry for rambling its just made me a Little Upset haha overall im mentally doing the greatest i have in a bit #miss these melodious critters tho . #my singing monsters #blarret #tw vent #? idk

[suburbanlegnd]

the sexual tension between me and relapse

#venting in the tags so be careful #being bipolar and bpd at the same time feels like the worst nightmare #the slightest inconvenience will send me into a fucking spiral #people have always been telling me either to “cheer up” or “go to a mental hospital because I'm fucked in the head” #i perfectly know I'm incapable and unworthy of love #I'm starting to doubt if I'm able to love the right way at all #but I'm so sick of toxic positivity #not everything's going to be alright #sometimes bad things happen #and not everyone is supposed to be cheerful and grateful all the fucking time #it's just so tiring and exhausting #they really dont realize how much toxic positivity is damaging and so naive #tw depressing thoughts #idk how to tag this lol #rambles #actually bpd #bpd vent

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Ngl some days I'm like writing crackships and ships and rarepairs is so silly goofy and fun and then OTHER days I'm like wow I wish I'd never written or drawn a ship ever in my life how do I erase this and OTHER days I just go about forgetting ships exist entirely and I swing WILDLY between those three options with no chill whatsoever

#knox rambles #is this part of my aroaceness??? #not really a vent im just thinking #today its the second one #saw somebody comment they were looking away from one of my fics and i got really self-concious its wild #cause low-key most if not all my fics could just be platonic dynamics #usually id only add the more shippy stuff because i felt like i needed to so i fullfilled some sorta checklist to make it romantic or somth #hmhm thinking i dunno #one of those nights folks o7 #its a weird like... thats not me dont think thats me i feel the need to explain or excuse it?? #weird! #hope y'alls night is going good!

[forflightlessbirds]

"late for dinner, late, late, late, late! whizzer's supposed to make the dinner, make the dinner, love to screw! that's what pretty boys should do! make the dinner and love me!"

what if whizzer wants you to make the dinner for once. what if whizzer's afraid of being seen as the woman in the relationship because he isn't perceived as a man, not like you are. what if whizzer only conforms to the expectations that are set on him as the "woman" of the relationship because he doesn't know how else society will accept him because of who he is. what if deep down whizzer is afraid that no one sees him as a man. what if whizzer wants to be handsome instead of pretty. what if whizzer wants to be loved like you do rather than sexualised. what if this post isn't about whizzer at all. what if. crazy thought.

that song makes me feel things i blame a specific tiktok for it that i can no longer find anyways sorry for being sad on main i am just Feeling because of exams

#vent? #not really #falsettos #whizzer brown #this is not me complaining about my boyfriend i promise #i'm just a whizzer kin #and trans #trans vent #remus writes #remus rambles

[adrift-in-thyme]

Note to self: never again let it slip to an irl person that I write whump

#told two of my classmates today #I’m exhausted so it just kinda slipped out #plus I assumed they’d be at least a little ok about it #given that they’re into fandom stuff #but no #they definitely thought I was some kind of freak #and I wasn’t about to try and defend myself #‘writing this stuff is a kind of therapy for me I promise I’m not sadistic or creepy!’ #yeah that would’ve gone over wonderfully #*sighs* #figures that one of the only personal things I shared this whole semester gets this reaction #why do I even try #I never talk about myself #I let everyone else vent and tell me everything #and when I try to open up I screw myself #trin rambles #vent #ignore me I’ll be fine #it’s just a really yucky day today #I’m not in a great place mentally and that did nothing good for me #hopefully sleep will help #…if I manage to get any sleep that is #ugh #delete later

[noodles-in-the-sink]

The struggle of finding decent system friendly Discord servers to be in…

The majority of the ones I’ve seen either allow endos, use TONS of fonts & closed symbols (and usually also allow individuals to use closed names from cultures they are not from), have an insanely restrictive blacklist, or believe the R slur is reclaimable (and thus allow their members to throw it around however they please)

Then of course, there is the heavenly mix of all of the above

#Not a vent nor rant #It’s just me rambling about syscord!! #Anyways if anyone know any decent servers FEEL FREE TO LET ME KNOW!! #I really need to be more social… #syscord #sysblr #endos dni #system host #actually did #did #system #cdid system #did osdd #did system #osdd system #osddid #actually osdd #osdd #traumagenic did #traumagenic system #system things #system stuff

[sketchy-tour]

Happy Easter if yall celebrate it!!!!! Otherwise I hope yall have an absolutely fantastic Sunday!!!!

Aaaa I feel like I'm not as chatty as I once was on here. Been a bit all over the place! Also feel silly making a ton of text posts with no art so I try and limit how often I blab on here.

But just know I still appreciate all of you who follow and like my art! Every bit of interaction I still see and it still baffles me to see such kind words. It means the absolute world to me!!!! 💖💖🌻

#plus Ive been drawing other things between wh art #but I know no one here would wanna see my original character art. Which is so okay im not lamenting that! #this blog was always meant for fandom stuff! but ya know. if im drawing other stuff it means my fandom art slows down slightly #still need to get back in the groove with drawing Dandy #really hard not to feel discourage ever since dealing with them being used without my permission (Which has already been long since handled) #but I havent shaken off that upset I felt. Made me all tol hesitant to even post Dandy anymore. #course also kinda put a damper on my fun #OH IM RAMBLING! venting??? this isnt about that #shaking my head and clearing clouds!!! anyway! needless to say im trying. i hope you guys dont mind being patient with me #happy easter! #or uh happy sunday!!!! if you dont celebrate! #OH AND HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY!!!!!! #Wow my tag rambles are all OVER THE PLACE #text post #just rambling #ill shut up now 💖

[soap-ify]

.

#the depression is kicking in again (it never left) its so over for me AGAIN #oh my god #i am so tired i can't get anything done and my moods have been horribly unstable lately #i just wanna be normal and happy?? #anyways... i'll get the reqs done soon i swear :( #i am just going to assume that this is happening because my period is soon... #i really do use this place as some venting diary sometimes IM SORRY :( #i'm just gonna sleep #ruru rambles

[snowflake-sage]

I want to speak, I want to scream, but all that comes out is blood, and it will stain your clothes and your hands and everything will be stained and dirty and tainted and you'll never look at me the same for I would have turned your pure white into an angry  crimson

You will look at me and you'll see me cut open and bare and you'll see how much pain this heavy heart carries and you won't be surprised by the crimson that pours out my mouth instead of screams but it would have still turned your clothes and hands the color of pain and I don't know if you could forgive me for existing in this way

I don't want to exist in this way

In the way where everything I touch stains red

#posting my shitty vent here bc my close friends dont have tumblr and its easier shouting my awful feelings intonthe void bc my friends #wont worry about me #i still cant bring myself to really say all yhe awful things on my mind #its so bad #it would just concern anyone i told #i dont feel okay #im fine #but this is such a heavy feeling to carry #heavy feelings #im so disappointed in life #in how everything turned out #i hate it here #vent #tw vent #mae rambles #tw depressing thoughts #tw mention of violence #tw mention of depression

[zootopiathingz]

I’m sorry but why am I always the one who has to make the plans when it comes to hanging out with friends? Not to sound like a bitch but I’m literally the only one who makes any effort to reach out and plan something with my friends and lately it’s been kinda draining and lonely. Why am I always the one who has to put in the effort? Why am I the one who has to suggest that we hang out? Like I’m always the one who texts first and asks to see them and it’s never the other way around, ever. If I don’t ask for us to hang out then we don’t hang out.

I know I’m nobody’s first choice, but is it too much to ask to be a choice at all?

#it doesn’t help that my long distance friend stopped talking to me altogether bc he got a girlfriend #and therefor doesn’t need me to talk to anymore #and when I tried to plan for my friends to come over for thanksgiving they just. didn’t really cooperate??? #like they said ‘yeah you can come over’ and I said ‘well I kinda meant for you guys to come to my house’ and the conversation ended there #I love my friends but I’m sick of being the only one putting in any effort #I’m so lonely all the time I just want one person who actually enjoys my company and wants me around #maybe im just being dramatic #idk I just want. to feel loved..in any way #vent #lady luxo rambles

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[sehtoast]

me: MY HAIRLINE IS RECEDING OH NO OH FUCK

also me: full time student (worth noting i wrote stupid here at first without realizing), 20-30 hours in customer service every week, teaching myself 3/4 classes, teaching myself advanced algebra with a teacher (basically just a proctor) who shuts down any/all asks for help, juggling college financial woes, navigating dying relationships/people abandoning and/or attacking me bc i don't have time for things i used to anymore, none of my hobbies are making me happy when and if i have time for them,, i have no time for myself, i'm on my second all-nighter this week, i'm perpetually exhausted in a way sleep isn't fixing, my body aches because i'm so tired, and i'm barely able to stay asleep when i do get the chance bc the anxiety wakes me up

my hairline: two hops this time!

#i'm so stressed man #sehtoast rambles #sehtoast vents? fuck if i know #i just feel like i can't get ahead #i used to be able to get all my shit done by friday and have the bulk of the weekend to myself #but that's not doable at all this term #i just had a whole ass mental breakdown over fucking homework #like i'm almost grateful T made it near impossible for me to cry bc like #i was going to have a whole sobbing crying breakdown and at least i only had to feel the mental and physical anguish of it instead #it's 3am and i just made coffee so i can do the rest of my work #luckily the last two are super little in comparison but #i can't keep doing 30 pages of notes with 10 pages of homework and a 40 question 'quiz' for math #on top of making like 7 excel spreadsheets a week #not including the 50 page readings for management plus the 50 questions that follow and the writing assignments #i'm so glad my ids class is easy. dr s is my personal jesus christ for being so gentle with her students #idk i'm just... really not doin well rn #at all #idk if anyone read this far in #if you did ily and appreciate you

[soppsop]

i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((

#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless #ok gonna start rambling here a bit #vent? -> #i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society #in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw. #but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing #drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful #i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard #sadge 😔😔 #ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames #oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school #i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor #what is up with these neurologists man #i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here. #im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome #don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually #and i'm fucking amazing at drawing

[angelpuns]

Me: living the dream masking again, life is good ( I am in denial lmao)

My body when I read something sad, funny, etc. That makes me feel a v strong emotion: oh I hope you're ready for all this physical sensation :)

#i dont think this post makes sense #but since ive been back at my parents house #aka v heavy masking again #whenever i read somethinf sad it physically hurts :/ #and just now i was reading smthb funny but instrad of laughing i went straight to #' oh im gonna throw up now' #I DIDN'T BUT I REALLY THOUGHT I MIGHT #anyway #rambles #not a vent #me saying inside jokes that no one really gets :/