#remus rambles

[forflightlessbirds]

TMAGP EPISODE 12 SPOILERS

oh my GOD what the fuck was that

ALICE IS JEALOUS?? sorry i love her she's so utterly me

mr bonzo is horrific

"unfolded the groom's head like a flower" OIUUYGHHH

also that bonzo suit is a disguise for something

WHY DID HIS HEAD SPLIT

by far the most terrifying episode i have to say

BUT I HAVE A THEORY

the equivalent of fears in tmagp are lies. the distortion in the episodes when someone lies or conceals the truth, a running theme of lying and mystery / concealing of the "truth" in the statements (1nk5oul's identity, needles' misdirection, etc)

but. this feels like a half-assed idea and doesn't make a lot of sense so don't take my word for it anyways love you bye

#remus rambles #tmagp #tmagp 12 #tmagp alice #tmagp mr bonzo #tmagp spoilers #tmagp speculation #horror tw #cw: gore

[aconstantmonologue]

sometimes a family is 4 queer dysfunctional rebels in a post apocalyptic future, the 10 year old kid they all coparent, and a run down pontiac firebird

#this is about danger days btw #mcr #my chemical romance #danger days #danger days the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #my post #my thoughts #remus rambles #gerard way #mikey way #frank iero #ray toro #jet star #kobra kid #party poison #fun ghoul

[nikki-smurfling]

These ads literally make me sick why do they exist

It's just enforcing that "girls have to be pretty" and "relationships are a competition" and that "someone who's bad at self care is disgusting and disgraceful"

All of it

I hate it. I want to politely stuff people who made these ads and the respective games in a bag and gently toss them into the river.

#remus rambles

[sof-ingtired]

Here we are...3 am...

I keep getting TikTok after TikTok about hEDS (Hyper-mobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) and they're all awareness and I'm just...

I'm tired. All of them are relatable, all of them make me sigh and want to cry because it's right.

I was diagnosed with hEDS, I have hEDS.

My joints are falling apart, my legs don't hold my own body up some days. I've called out sick for a week straight before because I was in so much pain.

I regularly collapse, my knees slip, my shoulder jerks out and in of socket, my wrist creaks and cracks, my fingers lock up, my back hurts.

I limit my hours at work to 6 max per shift, I remember exhaustedly telling my employer that I have hEDS and no it's not just being extra bendy, my joints slip and dislocate.

"Can you still grab carts tho?"

That was their concern and I just sighed and told them if I'm not having a flare then sure, I can grab a few.

I'm tired...I joke about how my sister can go to the doctor and get told to watch her cholesterol but other than that she's doing great !! I went and I walked out with a list of 6 various offices to call,,,all but two were physical. Pain Management, Physical Therapy, Rheumatology, and Nerve Conduction Studies.

Fun fact the first Rheumatologist my PCP wanted to send me to rejected me because I have Ehlers-Danlos. That was literally the reason...the new one specializes in patients with EDS so ....yay?

I've come to terms with a lot of things to be honest.

I know that I don't have much longer being able to walk without assistance 24/7, I know that within 10 years max I will use a wheelchair, I know I will start to need my braces on more joints more often. I've been looking at forearm crutches. I know this. I know I'm getting worse.

I can feel my body getting worse.

I'm angry about it. I hate it. It enrages me.

But I've come to terms with it at the same time. It's a weird feeling. Angry but being okay with it. Being content and angry at the same time is strange.

I'm gonna head to sleep now, I told my partner I was going to bed a few hours ago and it's 3 am now, so: I'm sorry Baby, I'm going to bed I promise but Ironically my back was hurting so I couldn't sleep.

This has been my 3 am vent but not a vent, idk who will read through it but I wish y'all the best in life.

#chronic pain #chronic fatigue #hEDS #hypermobile ehlers danlos #ehlers danlos syndrome #mobility aids #mobility #ventish #knowing you're getting worse but being content with it is strange #but i am content with jt #remus vents...kinda #remus rantsish #remus rambles

[remusmiro]

im making up for my fnv withdrawal (game brocken) by thinking whoreish thoughts about john wick

#remus rambles #not art #shitpost #keanu reeves #john wick #my post

[littlegremlinduke]

The cake 🎂 is:

Happy (early) birthday

GASP! RIGHT MY BIRTHDAY IS SOON! THAT MEANS ROMAN'S IS SOON TOO!

oh no- i need to make him a gift- I NEED JAN

#little remus #gremlin child #gremlin duke #remus rambles #rat king

[cavalrysystem]

When the depression depressions and you're genuinely so exhausted all of the fucking time but you still get out of bed you still take your medication you still shower

When the depression depressions but you aren't 13 anymore. The world doesn't feel as if it's ending, instead it feels as if the world and the people in it are moving forward before you.

When the depression fucking depressions but you aren't sure if it's even just depression anymore.

When you're wondering what you're going to do after senior year of highschool ends. When you're wondering what you're going to do with yourself When you get handed that diploma, when you realize you're about to officially legally be an adult and you thought at first that would make it easier to get started at really living your life

When everything is moving so fast, when everything is spinning and twirling. Everything is so loud so bright so intense so scary so much of every sensory ick you ever experience

When you aren't sure if you're depressed because you haven't been properly medicated or because the reality is setting in that time is passing and one day, sooner or later, everything will be different.

Good different, bad different...it doesn't matter. It will be different.

And then you hear it. "What if, that was okay?"

You wonder what it means.

"What if, everything being different was just that. Different."

We wonder what that could mean. Different can mean many things for us. For our partner. For everyone.

We are graduating soon.

We turn 18 soon.

It doesn't feel right.

We don't belong here.

#vent posting #venting #ranting #<- tagging just in case #posted by: remus (he/it) of the cavalry collective #remus rambles #depression mention #depression #depressive thoughts #cw depressive thoughts #mental illness #depression posting

[arianwyn-art]

joining the marauders fandom is so chaotic like it always starts off with jily or wolfstar

you learn about jily and then slowly you get immersed in wolfstar until suddenly you’re obsessed

and then it’s just like no i’ll stay here this is good and then you get into the fics

and then you get exposed to dorlene and bartylus and rosekiller and marylily/pandalily and all the ships and then slowly slowly you become a diehard jegulus shipper until somehow you’re here, obsessing over a ton of dead fictional men yet more lesbian than ever

it’s called maturity ig

#arianwyn rambles #it was one hell of a ride that’s for sure #moony wormtail padfoot and prongs #marauders #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #jily #jegulus #bartylus #rosekiller #dorlene #marauders fandom

[parrishpharb]

spent the last two weeks living w my bff and she’s gonna leave tomorrow i’m gonna be so sad 💔

#remus rambles #me

[sophsicle]

Dial Drunk

He's drunk.

"James--"

Sober enough to know he's drunk. But drunk enough not to care.

"James please--"

Sober enough to hear the crack in Remus's voice. But drunk enough not to stop.

"I want to call him," he says, defiant. Childish. It feels good to say those words. He doesn't know why he didn't do this before. It seems so simple now. "I want to call him."

Sirius is across the room. A few seconds ago he'd been on James's other side, holding his arm, helping Remus pull him to his feet. He isn't touching James anymore.

"Where's my phone?" his words are a little thick. A little slurred. The world around him blurry in a way that makes his stomach squirm.

"I don't know," Remus mutters, struggling to support James all on his own. "Here, will you just sit down please? Sirius, maybe get him some water?"

"Sirius where's my fucking phone?" because he knows Sirius knows. Because he wants Sirius to look at him. Because he wants Sirius to feel this too.

Predictably, Sirius doesn't answer either of them. All James can see is his best friend's back, his vision splitting him in two. Sirius has always been good at blocking out the things he doesn't want to hear. Which might be the most unkind thing James has ever thought about him.

"James please sit down," Remus tries to guide him towards the nearest chair but he's not going. They found him on the floor, and he'd been happy to stay there. But now. Now he has a mission.

"I want to call him, get me my phone!"

"Christ James," Remus hisses under his breath, pleading. He wants James to stop. But the whiskey in his blood has other plans. "What's going on with you tonight? I mean, should we be--should we be worried? Were you trying to hurt yourself or--"

"Oh fuck off!"

He sees the surprise on Remus's face, thinks about apologizing, but his thoughts are watery and hard to hold.

"I want to call him," he repeats instead. It's the one thing keeping him standing.

"Yeah we heard you," Sirius says finally, his voice is thin, cold. It's enough to get James's attention, even in his current state. "But you can't call him."

Something pointy and sharp pricksJames's chest but he shakes his head, ignoring it. "I know the number by heart," his drunken mind supplies helpfully.

"James," his name sounds so sad in Remus's voice.

"I'm sure you do," he thinks Sirius laughs. It's not a pleasant noise.

"Just give--give me my phone? He'll pick up. He always picks up when it's me. I want to call him. Let me c-call. I want--"

"You. Can't."

Sirius finally turns back around, he is so still and so stiff and James is so wobbly. He stumbles even though he's standing still, Remus fumbling to keep him upright.

"He'll pick up Sirius, he will. If it's me--"

"No."

"--he always--always--I need him. I need to tell him. I need to ta-talk. Please? Please I need--"

"You know why you can't call him."

"Sirius," Remus says warningly, but James doesn't think either of them are paying him any attention.

"I--don't have my phone." That makes Sirius frown harder but James doesn't care right now. "Just give me a phone. Any phone. I know his number. I--"

"You know why you can't call," Sirius repeats.

The pricking in his chest is getting worse. A stab. A slice. A tear. The sensation burns right through the alcohol. It demands to be felt. Demands to be heard.

"No," James repeats. "No I--no. No. no."

"He's--"

"Sirius!"

"--dead. He died."

"No!" James's voice is a terror. "I--no. I just need to call. Just let me have--the--cause I--and he'll pick up--he always--for me," he can't get them out, the words, the thoughts, his breath. He's choking on his own memories. His own grief. Shaking so bad he's surprised Remus is able to keep a hold of him.

"Regulus is dead. You can't call him. He won't pick up," Sirius sounds cold and distant. But then, he's always been like that about Regulus. James is on the ground again. The world in front of him blurry as Remus wraps his arms around him.

"You're a sloppy drunk James," is the last thing Sirius says before James hears the door closing.

The pain is deep and all consuming. It's been months. It's been years. It never stops. It never gets better. The minute the world gets still or quiet the grief is there. He feels like he spends every second of his life trying to outrun it. He's so tired. So fucking tired.

"I need to t-talk to him," he sobs, as Remus holds him tighter. "I can't never talk to him again. I can't. I have so much to say. I have so much--what am I supposed to do with this? What am I supposed to do with all this? I need to call him. Please. Please. I need him. I can't sleep. I can't eat. They're taking up all the space in me Remus. All these fucking--these fucking words. I need to call him. I need to. I need to. I can't bear this. I don't understand how I'm supposed to bear this?"

Remus kisses the top of his head. "Just breathe okay?" James doesn't think he's imagining the tremor in Remus's voice. "I just need you to breathe okay?"

But he can't.

He hasn't.

Not in months.

Not in years.

I'd die for you, he'd told Regulus once. And oh god did he mean it.

#welcome to another edition of #idk wtf this is #a scribble #pls enjoy #soph rambles #jegulus #james potter #regulus black #sirius black #remus lupin #tw alcohol

[calc1fers]

james & sirius would talk about the most inane shit once it was lights out in the gryffindor tower

james, sipping his empty divination teacup: wonder if i've ever seen a pigeon that has the same birthday as me

sirius: word, bro

remus & peter, at their wit's end: please, shut the fuck up and GO TO SLEEP

#marauders #marauders era #james & sirius #james potter #sirius black #sirius and james #peter pettigrew #remus lupin #they're all losers #incorrect marauders quotes #calc1fer rambles

[forflightlessbirds]

i had a dream about sleeping last night

is my life so boring that my brain really just can't provide good tv for my rest

it's like trying to watch on the documentaries channel but the only thing that's on is that weirdly edited true crime channel and i've watched that specific episode 3 times

#remus rambles

[aconstantmonologue]

Trying to draw redwall art and all of the references are so cute when in reality I’m drawing a brutal murderer

#redwall #cluny the scourge #remus rambles #remus entering their warrior cat phase 10 years late with mice instead of cats

[nikki-smurfling]

Sees ad on tumblr that makes me uncomfortable

Decides since there's not a "I'm not interested in this ad" option to report it and see if it goes away

It does not

If people have the option to block someone, they should have the option to control whether or not an ad they feel uncomfortable around can be hidden.

Fix it tumblr

#not smurfs #remus rambles #oscar talks #tumblr #ads #tumblr ads

[sof-ingtired]

I'm supposed to be asleep right now, I told my partner I was going to go to bed and hung up with it almost an hour ago. But I'm me and the moment I go to go to bed any exhaustion and tiredness I felt is gone.

This isn't about that tho...this is how I was watching some shorts and I saw one that really struck me and made me dissolve into quiet sobs at my desk and go into my text history and scroll down to find my Gammaw

The video was about losing someone...and how it's see you later, not goodbye and It made me sob,,I'm still crying to be honest, but the video made me think of my Gammaw, this strongheaded midwestern old woman who wanted nothing but her grandkids to be happy.

She didn't understand things, she was born in 1939 in Southwest Missouri, she was a carny, she dropped out of school at 14 and worked until she met my Papa, a man I don't have memories with because he passed when I was a year old, just before my sister was born.

She was a strong-willed woman, she was my Gammaw. She was sweet and called people ignorant. She was a bit old fashioned but didn't hold her tongue. She would call you out with no fear.

When i came out to her she told me all she wanted was for me to be Happy. She tried her best to use my name and pronouns but she slipped up, she was in her late 70s. She loved her grandkids with a fierce passion and had snacks and drinks in her closet for us and tutted at my Padre when he got a drink because "those are for the kids!"

She was a key part of my life growing up, I spent a lot of weekends with my Aunt and her, we'd go clean banks until she retired when I was 11.

She sat on the couch in a specific spot because it had the best view of the TV. She watched her 'soaps', General Hospital and The Bold and The Beautiful, I lost track of their plots long ago but she knew every little detail and loved to yell at the characters for their dumb choices

She watched football with my uncle and would scream at the players for doing something incredibly stupid and them fumbling the play. She loved football, it made her so mad but she loved it.

She was a whole foot shorter than me and the last time I was there with her it felt like she was even shorter as she hunched her back and used her walker to get around, her oxygen running loud but a noise I welcomed because I knew that it helped her.

When i was having horrible issues with my mental health and my mother didn't want me in her home she welcomed me with wide open arms and let me spend my days at her house, she made me get things off the high shelves because "You're just so tall"

I remember her softly talking to me and letting me curl up on her bed, my uncle gently moving my hands from my own arms as I dug into them while having a panic attack on her couch, my tutor was supposed to be coming over and my gammaw wanted me to rest

I hated the texture of that bedding but It was hers. Bedding I spent countless days sick on when I was little because I spend so so much time at her house and my aunts.

My Gammaw didn't know how texting really worked, I helped her countless times with her phone. She liked using emojis and didn't know text talk but she tried, using "lol" a horrendous amount.

My last text to her was when she was sick,,,not even a full month before she passed in 2021, it'll be 2 years in june. The last thing she ever texted me was that "I love you too". I will never be able to express how happy I am, even I sit here sobbing as I type, that the last things we said to each other were that we loved each other. I have it in solid writing, I can look back on it at any time and sniffle because I miss her.

I miss her so fucking much.

I don't even know why I'm telling you all this about her, all I know is that I need to tell people about her. How she was old and didn't get it but did her damn best.

My point...was that Grief is not kind. Grief stick around longer than you ever may think. Sometimes it makes you sob and want nothing but to bring them back, and I do, I want nothing but to hug my Gammaw, for her to call me ignorent. Sometimes it makes you sit there and sob and laugh at the times you had.

Grief is a funny thing, everyone grieves in their own ways. My padre makes dark jokes, my sister and I make dark jokes. Our older siblings can't handle those same jokes and that's okay.

You might think your grief is over until it smacks you in the face and makes itself known once again.

#grief #cw grief #tw implied death #im...very emotinal #my head hurts from crying #im actually going to go to bed now #i have work in the morning #remus rambles

[waxing-hiraethh]

remus doing taxes while Sirius transforms into padfoot and runs around knocking over plants and books and the lamp off their side table. all the while remus' magic is just fixing everything instantaneously and so sirius, upset by his lack of proper distraction, sets fire to the couch in the most unproportionate display of discontent known to man. remus staring at him until he transforms back into sirius and hes just sitting there pouting, as if he didn't just set fire to their couch because remus wouldn't pay attention to him

complaining as they stand outside in the cold with twenty of their tired, disgrunteled neighbours waiting for the fire crew to make sure the building is safe. remus not giving a fuck because sirius did that to himself but still feeling bad cause sirius is shivering and so he gives him his coat.

basically, i just love them

#wolfstar #the marauders #sirius black #remus lupin #remus x sirius #rambles