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drawnfamiliarfaces · 7 months

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what would they look like as villains? I know that some have canonical versions, but I would like to see your intropritation (let's be honest, for most - the evil alterego is an exact copy, but only with a slightly modified color palette and frowning eyebrows)

(I'm sorry for my English)

oh, this was a wonderful ask to get on the eve of spooky month ;D im not god at villain (re)design but it was a fun thinking exercise! (also im assuming you were asking about HoMies xD so)

I mean, there is only so much one can do to remake protagonists into villains and yet still have them remain recognizable, so no wonder evil!versions often are just recolor/frowny sort, but I tried my best to be creative ;D

(and your english is alright! no worries)

also while you can imagine them being as villanous as you want in these designs, there are some little blurbs/backstories i made up for myself as I tried to design them, if you are interested (they are various shades of dark, since you know, tragic backstory and all that lol):

Kim Possible - Hero for Hire turned Mercenary for Money - Kim is widely known for her profeciency in hand-to-hand and quick thinking when on the jobs, but one time something went terribly wrong. Maybe client info was unreliable, or a freak accident, but as the result both Kim and Ron got hurt, leaving Ron in a hospital permanently, and Kim with scars and trauma. After that the girl who worked on favors and rides lost her trust/belief in goodness of people, becoming jaded by reality of a job she accidently found herself in. Kim changed into someone very cold and calculated, someone who started taking jobs that required using serious weapons instead of gadgets, and more importantly getting paid, so she could support her best friend (who is in coma and thus unable to influence this downwards spiral Kim find herself in).

(in contrast to canon!Kim's free flowing hair, she ties it back in order to never be distracted in crucial moment. has a lot of new scars due to more dangerous jobs. i still cant decide if she kills with her weapons or not, but she certainly learned to hurt people. also a very complicated relationship with Shego, since Kim is also a mercenary now, but Shego still remembers that girl she was and is conflicted about this new Kim)

Danny Fenton/Phantom - Ghostly Hero turned Ice Prince - s3e6 Urban Jungle turned out differently, when in the end, defeating Undergrowth, meant also hurting everyone he had been connected to at that moment (level of hurt depends on your preference for angst i guess lol), but anyway, Danny horrified by what he have done (and with memory of Dan still haunting him), still technically unstable with his Ice Powers, flees back into the Ghost Zone to the one place he knows he won't be able to hurt anyone. Sequestering himself in the Far Frozen, he goes full Elsa, and become a remote Ice Prince, that even Far Frozen Yetis are still nervous around, with his only contact being Frostbite. Slowly he wastes away, freezing from his powers not only physically but also like emotionally.

(fun (?) tidbit: fur on his new snow cape/coat is from yetis, unfortunate to wander too close to ice prince. so there are a bunch of partially bald yetis in far frozen lol. Danny is constantly covered in bits of ice and frost, since his ice powers are unstable due to emotional damage. Danny's crown is not a conscious choice, but rather a manifestation of Far Frozen starting to bond with Danny's ice core to become his lair and also sort of recognizing Danny as future Ghost King.)

Jake Long - American Dragon Guardian turned Corrupted by Dark Magic Dragon - Series Finale The Hong Kong Longs, ended differently, when Dark Dragon left a parting shot before he was inprisoned for another Millennium. Since meeting Jake, Dark Dragon has been interested in aquiring him as minion/apprentice(?), and had been steadily trying to sway him to his side. But as he lost he made a last ditch attempt, infecting Jake with Dark Magic. As the result, Jake now cannot control his Dragon Form, being steadily consummed by the Darkness and turning more Draconic as time passes, until he will become full Dragon all the time and under the thrall of Darkness. The change is harsh and as the result Jake falls into violent moments during which he hurt his loved ones that fight to keep him from changing. In one of his more lucid moments, Jake flees to hide away in order not to hurt anyone.

(it seems an interesting thought to expand on the possiblity that the Dragon form can overwhelm the human part and that it would associate with dark magic to succumb to its baser instincts, and also would be a great opening to all those wonderful draconic fan headcanons fandom made about Jake lol)

Ben Tennyson - Hero Wielder of Omnitrix turned Corrupted/Hacked Ultimatrix Unstable User - During Alien Force Ben tried multiple times to hack/meddle with Omnitrix settings, and when he continuously tried the same with Ultimatrix in Ultimate Alien, something has gone wrong. Ultimatrix has bonded deep into Ben's DNA and body, and now every change is felt acutely, not to mention the alien perceptions are now unfiltered and Ben recieves the raw experience of being a different speices/state. It comes to a point when it start to mess with his mind, only made worse by Dagon's reemergence and all the enemies. In the final showdown of Ultimate Enemy goes differently, how? no idea (again depends on your preference level of angst lol). But as the result, Ben, unstable and a little crazy, is on the run with his corrupted Ultimatrix, his reputation in tatters and is considered dangerous by Plumbers.

(i had a little extra idea of Omniverse continuation, where new Plumber Rook Blonko, now has to hunt his hero turned crazy tragic villain Ben Tennyson. Very emotional and angsty (and a bit gay lol), where Rook continuously trying to unsuccessfully catch crazy Ben and convince him to let Azimuth and plumbers to help him.)

Juniper Lee - Youngest Te Xuan Zhe turned Corrupted/Fallen Te Xuan Zhe - in this case in Out of the Past, what Ah-Mah Jasmine feared about Fallen Te Xuan Zhe Kay Yee managing to corrupt Jun has sort of came to pass. After defeating Kai Yee, being touched by the overwhelming power of Magical Elders has left its mark on Jun, as well as Kai Yee's words and Jasmine's initial fear about/distrust in Jun (she is like 11-12 people, it would FUCK HER UP MENTALLY???). As Jun goes through her rebellious teen phase, the unfairness of her trapped position as protector and the demands of it, grates on her more and more, and she finds refuge in studying magic. As the result, her magical ability grows and as her desire for freedom, and the smallest seed of corruption from the events of Out of the Past grow too. So in the end, Jun learns magic to wield it , like Kai Yee, but unlike Kai Yee, not just for battle, but for personal goal of freeing herself and any future Te Xuan Zhe of her family line.

(fun tidbit, Jun doesn't continue to dye her hair pink, instead she uses blood from battle ;D morbid i know but i couldnt help it i like the imagery of her passing her bloody hands through the white part to paint it. she has lightning scars all over her body, that appear only when she uses magic - a manifestation of her brush with orb of magic elders.)

Rex Salazar - Last Hope Against EVO turned Contained and Controlled Weapon of Providence - Rex's return 6 months after Breach transported him and his introduction to Black Knight goes very differently. Instead of prolonged mind games, Black Knight just imprisons Rex pretty much right away while he is vulnerable, content to attempt to trigger Rex's amnesia ad use the mind-control collar, to turn him into her mindless weapon. She was sorta successful? But with Ceaser on the inside, he managed, with the help of Six and Holiday, to free Rex, even if it was too late to save his mind. As the result, whatever reeducation Rex suffered from Black Knights left him instinctively reacting with force and in defense. The whole last part of the season goes very differently in this state, and the finale also ends differently, with Rex, overwhelmed with power of Omega Nanite (God) but in no mind to actually control it. So in the end he is forced to be contained as his friends and family try to figure out how to save him.

(the angst of mind-controlled Rex is something I enjoy, but since he canonically is immune to it, the idea of an induced amnesiac episode seemed like a best bet for this one, but with like double the angst since Six&Holiday would have to struggle not only with Rex being turned into amind-controlled weapon but also him not knowing them)

Randy Cunningham - Chosen Norrisvile Ninja turned Disgraced/Fallen Ex-Ninja - relatively early in his career, after accidently releasing Tengu and Howard getting possesed by it, Randy makes an ultimate sacrifice by burning the Ninja Mask in order to defeat Tengu. However, he didn't expect that Tengu-possesed Howard to be sealed away together and the Ninja title being taken away from him for his reckless (even if noble) decision. Frantic, because he lost two important parts of his life, his best friend and heroic purpose, Randy tries to get the reborn mask back, but it, along with the Ninjanomicon were spirited away by the Messenger to pass on to another candidate. And thus starts Randy's panicked downward spiral and frantic attempts to get back the mask in order to free Howard. Since he still has his memories, Randy trains to become a better fighter. He knows he has to fight the new ninja for the mask, since he believes the Ninjanomicon would advice strongly against New Ninja helping Randy free Howard. In school He becomes known as resident outcast with bad reputation who lost his best friend under suspicious circumstances, and magical underbelly of Norrisville another antagonist for the Ninja to battle. However he still retains an odd sense of honor about Ninja (because he was one) so when opportunities to team up with Sorcerer, McFist, Sorcereress come up, he either ignores them or uses them for his own goal. The closest thing to hit home for him was when Mac Antfee also tried to get mask back, but for his own selfish purposes unlike Randy, well, lets just say Randy was pissed.

(i feel bad since i practically nipped Randy's career right on the bud, unlike others, but this one felt like a good turning villain opportunity unlike season finale. also! the idea of Randy beng an antagonist to the next ninja, while struggling with his own goodness and desire to save Howard is incredibly interesting to me lol. also he got scars from Tengu)

Zak Saturday - Heroic Fighter for Cryptids turned Cryptid Kur re-Reborn - the last episode, where Argost took powers of Kur and subsequently Zak died for about 3 minutes, Zak didn't reawaken unscathed. Kur is not only powers to control Cryptids, it was a person once, and after Zak died and was ressurected, a part of Kur has come forth, because some part of Zak has been lost in his death. A changed Zak Saturday worries his family, with him being quiet and introspective, not to mention pale/golden eyed and slightly zombie-like from his brush with death. Inside, parts of Zak the Kid and Kur the Olden Cryptid mesh and mix, leaving this new Zak struggling with who he is. As time passes however, Zak the Kid is slowly loosing the battle with a much more powerful older part of the soul of Kur (it wouldnt normally happen but Zak the Kid lost a significant part of his spirit when he died, which was filled with Kur) slowly regain his abilities (like in TGAS). At some point a change happens, and Zak retreats from his family, starting to wander the world as two parts of him struggle for dominance.

(fun tidbit! Zak's outfit is the same from his future vision of him overtaking the world as Kur, it seemed approrpiate lol. Also for some reason I kept thinking of Van Kleiss (from Generator Rex) when designing evil!Zak. they kinda have the same vibe)

Jenny XJ-9 Wakeman - Robotic Hero of Earth turned Robotic Overlord - this is a bit of mixed influences from different points: in season finale Dr. Locust turns Dr. Wakeman's creation against her; Jenny's Older Brother Armagedroid; Vexus attempt to sway Jenny to her fellow robots side; the whole year where Jenny was mind-controlled by a bratty kid and everyone feared her and even her mother planned to create a new XJ-10 in order to defeat her; and also a bit random but that one time Jenny pretended to be a villain Ruby Rocket (hence the red color scheme with bits of Armagedroid/Cluster designs). I have a bit less clear timeline for this, but lets just say its gradual and that at some point a lot of manipulations Jenny suffered turned her against humanity and their use of her robotic brethern. While she does not desire to destroy humanity like her brother, she certainly lost her trust in it, and after a manipulation one time too many, she snaps, turns into a leveled up version of Ruby Rocket/Anti-hero persona, she takes her sisters and leaves to Cluster, where Vega welcomes her. Jenny still protects Earth, but admittingly from afar and in a more evil way I guess?? She loves her mother, but she struggles with Dr Wakeman's previous disregard of her siblings and just callous regard to her creations (Wakeman can be cold/serious/to-the point, without Jenny constantly reminding her that she wants to be like a normal girl).

(Jenny was the hardest, because I couldnt find a clear point of turning in the series for her, so I decided to go with gradual change of mind about humanity sort of deal.)

oof this turned a bit long lol, thank you anyone who read through this clusterfuck! As you can see i sort of went with 'Were a Hero - tragically turned Anti-Hero due to circumstances' kind of vibe, since Im just unable to imagine these guys be like trully horrible evil villains (and this way is more angsty, since, like Fallen Heroes and all that). Im not that creative lol. Anyway, i hope you were as entertained as i was when creating this haha ;D

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coolprettyleo · 7 days

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my soul has changed? - will smith au

wc: 1.4k

tw: depression, suggestion of an ED, awkwardness? mean girl.

will smith x oc celebrini sister!

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april celebrini was in a point of her life where everything felt still. she was pretty sure she was suffering from depression and it was a cycle she didn't know how to get out of.

she would wake up, go to school, go to work, and then sleep. she was lucky if she fitted a meal in between that meant she had lost tons of weight.

she had been a pretty healthy teen, she played hockey up until high school alongside her brothers; but when the time came to play college hockey, she got no offers. contributing to her depression.

it was a sport she held so much love and dedication, she couldn't understand why she hadn't been good enough? I mean her brothers were good enough, they got college offers. macklin was even projected to go first overall, so why couldn't she?

those were thoughts that were constantly haunting her mind. if she found something to forget them they would flood back in, like if they wanted her to be a lifeless doll she had been feeling like.

her family had been really worried for her. she had finally seen her brothers after a year, at the NCCAA playoffs and it only caused them to worry more.

flashbacks

april knew that macklin and aiden were gonna bombard her with questions as soon as they were alone. they could hardly recognize her. growing up she was always a smiling person with a big personality and now she was about forty pounds lighter and was a ghost of the person she used to be.

"april what's going on" macklin said shutting the door behind him.

"what do you mean"

"cut the bullshit. I know your not okay, you barley answer my text anymore, what's wrong"

"it's nothing mack-"

"no it's not nothing, maybe I can fix it-

"you cant 'fix' it"

"and why not-"

"because I don't know what wrong with me!"

that had been about two weeks ago. she just didn't know what to tell her family. she really didn't understand why she had been feeling that way.

she was currently at work where she was a barista in a cute coffee shop. she honestly loved working there, she had got the job when she was in high school and had kept it till college. seeing as she didn’t move far away for college, choosing to stay close to her parents.

she often wondered if she might be happier if she moved away just like everyone else did, just like her brothers did. but it would always end in her telling herself; that it's not worth dwelling on.

it was currently six am and at this time of day there weren’t many customers. the cafe was always busy mid day when people were looking to find somewhere to study.

so she was surprised when she turned the open side around, to find a boy waiting outside to come in. a boy who looked a lot like will smith.

april wasn’t an idiot to hockey, she kept up with it a fairly good amount, so she would have to be living under a rock to not know the guy who dominated the ice at her brothers rivalry school.

that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to act like she didn’t know him.

he reached for the handle and took a look at her before turning as red as a tomato and blushing,

“hey, are you guys open?” he asked nervously, mentally slapping himself because he just saw her turn the sign around, to ‘open’

“uhm yeah I’ll be with you in a sec” she told him.

will couldn’t help but think her voice was cute. she had a rasp to it that made him want to give her everything she’s ever wanted.

april finished up, putting the coffee too brew and turned to the counter.

“okay! order when your ready”

“uhm. i actually never been here before… any recs?” he asked after a moment nervously scratching his neck.

“well I get a dirty chai, but considering my brothers hate it, you might hate it too… I guess you might like a frap?” she told him, a little too monotone.

“yeah okay” he told her again nervously. he found her to be breathtakingly beautiful.

he paid and stood back as she got to making the drink.

“you from here?” will asked hoping to make small talk.

“uhm kinda. I was born in Vancouver but moved here when my dad got a job”

will panicked. oh god was she still in highschool

april must of saw the worry on his face because she added,

“that was a couple years ago, im eighteen now” she said smiling at his face. something she didn’t do often anymore.

“oh, i’m eighteen too”

“oh yeah, what brings you to san jose, school?” she said innocently knowing very well he was drafted here and was most likely here to work on development.

“no. I”m came to meet with some people here. I go to boston college” he answered. april starting to not feel so bad because she saw he didn’t want to right away say he was a hockey player.

“far from home huh”

“yeah, i’m literally across the country from everything and everybody i’ve ever known” he told her wanting to slap himself. did she need to know that!?!

“i’m sorry. it’ll get easier” she said remembering her brother had been homesick too but utimatly started feeling better after some time-- as she handing him his drinks and gave him a sympathetic face.

“yeah i hope so, i should be moving here soon, if everything goes right” he said as he took a sip.

“hey this is good!” he said taking another sip as april smiled. something that will thought looked amazing on her.

april smiled at him remembering the fact her brothers liked that drink. boys were so typical

“i’m glad… and hey— if you ever need a friend in town my names april” she told him as she held her hand out to him to shake.

will starred at it for a moment before he quickly met her hand.

“will” he told the girl with a smile.

they were cut out of there moment when two customers walked in.

“I should get back to work. i’ll see you around will” she told him as he smiled a nodded and walked right out.

say something! ask for my number! do anything!

april felt really dumb after she basically just presented herself in a silver platter to the boy and he didn’t finish his part in asking for her number. he had definitely rejected her in the nicest way someone possibly could.

meanwhile will got into the Uber with a gitty feeling. she seemed really cool and having someone to hang out with other than his teammates was going to be so nice.

he was midway into the meeting with some general managers when he realized he didn’t even ask for her number.

“oh my god” he mumbled as he came to the realization

"i'm sorry?" one of the GM's said confused.

“uhh— I said I was excited to join the franchise!” he covered up, feeling like an idiot.

hopefully she was still there after the meeting.

the meeting had gone a little to long for his liking and as he raced down to the coffee shop he hoped she was working a long shift.

he opened the door to see a blonde girl who looked old but yet looked young, and a taller boy with curly hair working behind the counter.

“hi. is april working today?” he said breathlessly

the blonde eyed him for a moment before smirking,

“I don't recall an april ever working here...my name samantha though” she said with a face that will knew was a face of someone who was lying.

“yes there is, she helped me earlier-"

“if your here to file a complaint against her, I can totally help you then,” she said

“no she was great— wait, you said you didn’t know an april-“

“your looking for april” the other barista cut in

“yeah she was here earlier, i was hoping she was still here”

“she got off like two hours ago but i can give you her number!” the curly haired boy told will. he was one of aprils friends and he wasn’t going to ruin this opportunity for her.

“you totally can’t do that!” the blonde girl said in a nasally voice.

“shutup samantha. go take candy from a baby or something” he sassily told her.

she rolled her eyes before walking away to wipe a table down.

“sorry about her, here’s her number— good luck!”

“thankyou so much” he told him as he thought about what exactly to text the pretty girl.

both april and will not knowing the epic love story they were about embark on.

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hi guys! i hope this is kinda good, dont feel shy to send in ask and au thoughts… i like never get any but im so open to it!!

#nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey fic #will smith hockey #bc hockey #gabe perreault #ryan leonard #will smith hockey x reader #jacob fowler #bc eagles #will smith hockey x oc #will smith hockey imagine #april x will #gabe perreault x reader #nhl #hockey imagine

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rayroseu · 6 months

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This line is making me sad akjdkakdks its making me imagine that once Malleus sees that his overblot causes pain rather than making the people of his life happy... he'll realize that "he is no good as a king at all since he harmed his people"😭😭

"Seeing you all worry helped me calm down..." ARGHH IT MAKES ME THINK OF THE SCENE WHERE HE SAW HOW ANGUISHED SILVER WAS ABOUT LILIA'S DEPARTURE... Like... I CANT??😭😭 HE'S SO CARING ABOUT THE HAPPINESS OF OTHERS BECAUSE THATS AN EMOTION HE RARELY FELT SO HE VIEWS IT AS THE MOST PRECIOUS FEELING ??

but sadness and partings and goodbyes..."harms happiness", thats why he just created a world where it never exists... He's not just doing it for his own desires KSJAKDJWKD plus if "all dreams come true" none of the previous overblots wouldve occured and they'll live a peaceful life... but living that way would stagnate their growth... they'll be living the same life repeatedly without any improvements towards themselves

that's why even if Malleus' overblot stems from a good intention, his vision is not applicable to a human life as we all require growing up, overcoming hardships, admitting our mistakes and developing out from that... Those painful feelings are what makes a human life more meaningful and allows a person to give themselves a genuine good life. 🥲🥲🥲

But Malleus who's still in the state of "learning to be human", he cannot naturally perceive that kind of moral.

I just hope that after Book 7 there's no narrative implication that Malleus' coping was flat out purely wrong lol Bcs as Yuu said, everyone wishes they won't lose anyone important to them either...

Going back to the fact that he feels responsible for the happiness of others... I think Malleus lives his life very literally...

I think it was Lilia who said this...(?) That Malleus' power (or the Draconia's power in general) gives happiness to the people of Briar Valley (as their power can protect the dark faes) 🥲✨

Maybe this is the reason why he's "so desperate" in keeping the happiness of others and also giving them blessings that'll surely make them happy...

Okay separate theory... Maybe I'm just overthinking lol But the occurence of "falling" in TWST is so fascinating to me since thats a heavy reference to "Alice Falling In Wonderland" yk

Book 6 we already had Idia falling to the Underworld because he wants to follow Ortho, There's this implication that Overblots "falling to a deep sleep/darkness" thats why all overblotees "wakes up after their own overblot... I wonder if Overblot Malleus will take a fall as well??? His overblot title is "The King of Abyss" but I doubt that the "timeless Sage Island" is the abyss yk? What if we actually learn about the origin of Overblots through Malleus Overblot?

Because in the trailer we can see him snapping out in awareness(waking up) before he's trapped in thorns in what seems to be an Abyss--- So maybe, we won't defeat Malleus Overblot bcs he'll wake up from it (presumeably once he realizes that his overblot caused Lilia and the others pain???) but him breaking his overblot wont be possible bcs the "darkness" will engulf him of smth

I'm thinking of this because the existence of Overblot is so weird. General Lilia should've recognized the blot when it was taking Silver because of his despair since before Leona's overblot, he knew the vibes of whats occuring yk and same thing with Malleus with how he knew that he's planning to overblot, plus he knows the existence of STYX whos focused on overblot too

But strangely, the mages of the past (Meleanor and Knight of Dawn even Lilia and Baul) dont seem to possess any magic limitations concerning blot accumulation, additionally they dont even have magestones (that they use to gauge their blot consumption like NRC pens). Which makes me think that "blot or overblot" was not a "trait" that existed naturally in mages???

Since TWST world's history is implied to be changed... I wonder if blot existence was something that "a being" made up/cursed upon all mages lol

Idk where Im going with this tbhhhh ajsjaj but I just think its suspicious that only human magicians is heavily concerned with blot accumulation... whereas Malleus and Lilia never worries about using magic too much...

So wild guess, maybe Maleficia (since shes the only powerful person here lol) cursed "magic in general" so humans will never be on par with fae's magical abilities no matter how hard they develop it

Ig its to never repeat the "occurence of another Knight of Dawn" who's magic is even stronger than faes since he has no limitation so she created blot to curse humans to limit their magic else they'll fall into "darkness" idk

#twst #notes #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #lian notes #disney twst #twst disney #twst theory #twst glorious masquerade #twistedwonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland book 7 #twisted wonderland theory #BOY THIS GOT OUT OF HAND AJDHAJDJW

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melswifeasf · 10 months

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Hey, can I request a Shauna Shipmen 1996] x Fem Reader. Where the reader was injured during the crash and Shauna find reader and rescue reader from the plane and take care of the reader?

It's cool if you cant I was just wondering

Helpless

Fandom: Yellowjackets

Pairing: Shauna Shipman x Reader

Genre: Angst; fluff at the end

Words: 7.4k+

Summary: you’re badly injured in the plane accident and Shauna is there to take care of you. things get complicated when she realizes youre being cold and distant.

Notes: i hope it’s okay that i added more of a storyline, i got a little carried away. pls send in more yellowjackets requests!

there was smoke. so much of it. there were screams coming from all directions and you could hear flames near. you weren't sure where you were or how you even winded up there. you had previously been trying to help Van get the oxygen mask because the plane was falling and then all of the sudden you're on your back with a burning sensation coming from your leg and other parts of your body. it felt like you were dying. all you could do was stare at the sky, it was bright blue but the dark smoke was making it hard to see how beautiful it actually was.

you could hear screams, people calling for help and others trying to find their friends. you could hear her voice. you could hear your name being called out by her and your best friend. you knew they were looking for you but truthfully you weren't sure where you even were. you couldn't stand, couldn't even lift your head more than an inch without a scorching pain running through it. it was almost felt like you were paralyzed. you wished you were dead. if you were paralyzed you hoped someone would kill you, wished sleep would consume your body and take you away forever.

there was a lot to live for. you were well aware of that. you were only eighteen, you had a full scholarship waiting for you back home and two loving parents that would never be the same without you. could you live? was there a reason to? you weren't dumb, you knew you were in the middle of nowhere and if you were hurt you'd have no hope. there's be no hope to help your injuries. you'd be dead weight.

the sky was beautiful. you'd never been the one to pay much attention to it. you preferred the starry night rather than the bright blue but not then. not in that moment when all you could think about was the fact that you'd be leaving angry at her. how could she live with that? how could you die with that? there was no way.

the source of your thoughts was getting closer, you could hear them calling your name, their voices getting closer and closer. Jackie was with her. you recognized her voice and maybe Tai? you weren't sure. you were tempted to say you were there, to tell them you were alive but you couldn't get your mouth to move or any words to come out. you felt like you weren't in your body. you wished you weren't. the pain was excruciating.

Shauna on the other hand didnt have a single scratch. she woke up with Jackie, woke up immediately looking for you but she couldn't find you. not on the plane at least. she wanted to save Van but she couldn't, Jackie pulled her away whilst telling her they needed to get to safety. she was looking for you. they both were. none of them said it at first, as soon as they were off the plane they both took in their surroundings quickly. there was no sign of you.

Shauna had been the one to call for you first and Jackie followed quickly after. they helped couldn't find you anywhere near the plane so they knew they had to look further. Tai and Van were close to you as well so they shared Jackie and Shaunas need to find you but Van was angry with the best friends so she ignored them. they didn't get all that far from the plane. just a couple feet away there you were, bloody and unresponsive. you weren't screaming for help, you weren't even acknowledging that they were there.

the brunette felt tears brim in her eyes at the sight. her heart had previously been beating faster than ever but it only intensified when she had seen you. her hands immediately began to shake and her feet began to run toward you faster than she could process. Jackie and Taissa followed after her. Shauna fell to her knees beside you, her eyes first trained on your dazed state before they ran down your body to check for injuries. you were wearing jeans but there was a huge gash on your thigh that was bleeding uncontrollably to the point in which the piece of clothing was soaked in it. you had a cut on your right eyebrow and cheek but they looked like they'd just heal with a scar.

"y/n" Shauna said as she began to shake you, her voice was desperate and you could hear the way it cracked. you wanted to assure her that you were okay, or at least as okay as you could be but you couldn't open your mouth. suddenly you felt two other people near you and that's when you saw Tai and Jackie each sharing the same expression Shauna had. the brunette was the most distraught, tears full on streaming down her face at this point as she shook you. she wanted to get a reaction out of you, anything, other than your eyes moving.

"we need to get her back to the rest" Tai said looking at each girl. Jackie wiped away her tears and nodded before she grabbed Shaunas shoulder to try and snap her out of it.

"come on, Shauna" she said desperately. that seemed to be enough for the brunette to nod and wipe away her tears as best as she could.

"i've got her," Tai said. she was the tallest and possibly the strongest out of all of them. neither girl protested as Taissa grabbed you as carefully as she could before she slowly stood up fully. you let out a scream at the action, your leg and stomach bringing you more pain than you had ever experienced. somehow that made Shauna let out a silent sigh of relief, you were finally giving a reaction. that's all that mattered. you'd be okay, you had to be okay and she'd do anything to make sure of that.

the four of you reached the rest as fast as you could. Taissa was practically sprinting with you in her arms, there was so much blood gushing out of your injury and she needed to get you to Misty who was helping everyone out. she never expected that to happen, truthfully no one did. when you were finally there all of the other girls turned to see you, gasps escaped their lips at the sight.

Misty was quick to reach you, "put her down here" she said pointing at an empty space near Ben who was passed out. Taissa followed her instructions and slowly put you down onto the ground. your face scrunched in pain and you were biting your tongue to try and prevent any noises to come out of you. it hurt to talk.

"does someone have a knife? anything sharp?" she yelled loudly but no one moved. the blonde grabbed one of the pieces of clothing that they had been ripping into pieces and put it up to your cut before pressing hard. you couldn't control the loud scream that erupted from your throat. someone, you weren't sure who, bent down beside Misty and handed her something. you could finally lift your head now, it still hurt but the pain from your leg was far stronger. the only problem was that you were light headed, the edges of your vision were growing darker and darker. it was possibly the blood loss or maybe the concussion you were almost one hundred percent sure you had.

whatever was in Misty's hand was sharp and you could feel your jeans being cut off. there was talking, a lot of it and you could hear your name in some of the conversation but you couldn't focus on anything but all of the pain you were feeling. the breaking point was the stinging sensation you felt on your gash. then everything went black.

everyone thought that you had died. everyone including Shauna. while you were screaming in pain she was hugging herself with tears streaming down her face and soft sobs escaping her lips. when your eyes closed an immense panic washed over her. her body moved faster than her mind as she tried to grab onto you but Taissa was there to stop her. Misty was working on getting the cut to stop bleeding. she had ordered someone get her a belt which thankfully Lottie had and tied it just above the gash to prevent blood flow. once she was done she had reassured everyone that you were alive. you had just passed out from the blood loss and probably the pain.

it was dark by the time you had woken. the sky was dark, stars littered around with the moon shinning a shed of light on everyone below it. you missed the bright blue sky. it felt more comforting then the endless darkness around you. the pain was still there. you were still near Ben but not far enough so that you weren't uncomfortable. Misty was there as soon as you opened your eyes. she had told you to take some pills, you weren't sure what they were, all you knew was that you needed more of them. the pain had died down as soon as you had taken them and you didn't feel as alive as you did seconds ago.

Misty had told you about your injuries. you had bruised ribs which explained the pain in your stomach and a concussion. the bruise would heal on its own along with the concussion, she just wasn't sure one the exact time frame. the gash would take long to heal, without a way to stitch it there's no definite time frame. you wondered if it would have been easier if you had just died. wondered what would have happened if you had simply stayed buckled into your seat and not helped Van out. you'd probably be unharmed and sitting around the fire with the rest of the team almost as if you were camping.

most of all you wouldn't have Shauna glued to your side. she had been there from the moment your eyes opened. you were sure she had been there even before then. she didn't say a word. neither did you. none of you had anything to say.

you were cold. you wondered if that was how she felt too or if it was because of the state you were in. you wanted to tell her to leave you alone and go back with everyone else but you didn't. she'd probably ignore you anyway.

that first night you slept holding onto yourself. shivering. you were asleep when the flannel was thrown over your shivering body. you were asleep when Shauna held your hand softly and thanked god that you were alive.

joining the soccer team had never been part of your plan. you were pretty good at sports, sure, but you had never thought about actually joining any teams. you were on the track team and that was enough for you. but you were Jackie's best friend, since you were in kindergarten meaning you did almost everything together. when she joined the soccer team she practically begged you everyday to join with her. she had annoyed you into trying out. you were mildly surprised when you made the team. Jackie on the other hand was ecstatic. not only was Shauna on the team but you were too.

thus started your friendship with the rest of the girls. Shauna and you had been sort of friends before joining. Jackie and Shauna were joined at the hip throughout high school so you'd be around each other quite a lot. just not enough to the point in which you'd consider each other more than just your best friends, friend.

until your Junior year. there was a party that one of the guys on the football team was throwing. you had gone with the rest of your friends to get drunk and maybe find someone to makeout with. you weren't expecting much though, being a lesbian wasn't exactly common amongst the school. it was why you were closest to Tai and Van, they understood you better than anyone else could. that included Jackie. that night you had gotten far too intoxicated and ended up having to get a ride home from Shauna. you wanted to stay longer to hang out with the quarterback but Jackie knew you and she knew you'd regret it sober. she and Shauna were sober enough to help you into the car. she had dropped Jackie off first, like she always did then went to your house.

you didn't say anything throughout the whole ride. the two of you didn't exactly have anything to talk about. not because you had nothing in common but because there was always a sense of rivalry between the two of you. it wasn't easy, both of you being Jackie's best friend and although neither of you had said it out loud, you each wanted the other to step back. except you were drunk that night. so drunk that as soon as the car stopped you leaned over the console and pulled the brunette into a rough kiss. Shauna was shocked at first, her eyes wide and her mouth frozen as she processed it. you were kissing her? was she dreaming? was this even real? she had always though you were straight, she had seen you hanging out with all of the jocks so she figured you'd be into them. she was terribly wrong.

seconds later she kissed you back with as much force as you. her hands were clutching the console whilst yours were tangled in her hair. you'd wanted to take things further and she was well aware of that by the way you reached for her hand and began to move it toward your thighs. she had stopped you before you could get there. you were wasted and she wouldn't do that to you. at the time she wasn't sure if you were sure about even being with a girl so she instead helped you inside your house.

with a terrible hangover and the memories of the night before you had to hang out with Jackie the next day. you had already made plans a week ago and you felt bad for cancelling. it's not like she'd let you off without a reason and neither of you were ever good at lying to one another. so you tried your best to ignore Shauna that whole day. you were embarrassed. so fucking embarrassed that you had kissed a girl that you weren't even sure if she liked girls. what would you say? sorry? well, that probably sounded like a good idea. even though she kissed back you hadn't asked before hand and the last thing you'd ever want is to force anyone to do anything.

Shauna was doing the opposite. she had tried to catch your eye the whole time, even tried to get you alone but you made sure to always leave the room if Jackie did. by the end of the day she wasn't able to direct a single word toward you. until the moment you had to leave. your dad had said he'd pick you up but not for another two hours and Jeff was outside waiting for the both of you to leave. you had no choice but to accept Shaunas offer to drive you home.

the brunette was beautiful, you'd always been aware of that. from the moment you'd first met all you could focus on were her beautiful big brown eyes that could possibly let her get away with anything. at least if it was up to you. it wasn't just her eyes though, it was the way she always smelled like vanilla or the way you'd always catch her staring. at first you didn't think much of it, you were on a higher social class than her at school so you figured that was why. boy were you wrong. that had been proven to you when you were outside your home. unlike last night she had been the one to kiss you. her hands found the back of your neck and she had planted her soft addicting lips on yours.

that's how your relationship started. from then on everything changed. sometimes she'd pull you into the locker room to makeout before practice or sometimes she'd make you stay until everyone left, then she'd pull you down onto her lap and bring your lips into a hungry kiss. you never actually talked about what it meant, not only were you afraid of the answer but you also didn't want to tell Jackie. you weren't sure how she'd react. she could either be happy that both of her best friends were together or hate you for stealing Shauna from her. either way you felt it was easier to keep it between you and the brunette. well, Shauna you and Van and Taissa.

you had no one else to talk to other than them and besides, you knew they'd keep it a secret.

it was just kissing until a particular summer night. she had snuck into your room which had become routine for the both of you. sometimes she'd come through the sleepover and your parents always saw it as two friends having a sleepover but other times she'd sneak in through your window in the middle of the night because she missed your lips. the reality was that she missed you but she'd never admit that. that night your makeout session started to grow rougher and hungrier to the point in which you couldn't take it anymore. that was the first night you'd ever slept together.

it was amazing.

neither of you could get enough. simple makeout sessions turned into quickies in the locker room and celebration sex after games. you had become addicted to Shauna Shipman and you weren't ashamed. not one bit. you loved her. you'd known that since the first time you had sex but neither of you ever said it. in a way you both knew regardless of an actual verbal confirmation. maybe it was the way Shauna would always drop Jackie off first regardless on if she would request it so she could spend time with you. maybe it was the way her hand always landed on your thigh during those drives or how she'd let you rant about your day with a smile and listening ears. maybe it was the way she'd pick up a coffee for you every morning because you liked it or the way she would sometimes let you borrow her flannels because they smelled like her. maybe it was the way you're eyes always found hers first when you entered a room or the way you'd buy her small things that reminded you of her. maybe it was the way you'd watch her favorite movies even though you found them boring or the way you'd hold her when you slept because she liked being spooned. but most of all it was the way you'd both only let your walls down when you were alone with one another.

you never had to say the words because you both just knew.

until the day before you had to leave for nationals. you had both been so excited for winning, even celebrated accordingly once you were alone in your room. it was during the party the night before that everything changed. Shauna was screwing Jeff. what was supposed to be a fun night with your best friend and the girl you loved turned into you seeing her with your best friends boyfriend fucking in his car. you didn't want to ride with Jeff so you asked Lottie for a ride home instead. somehow you had seen the car from the road and asked Lottie to pull over in case they needed help. they didn't.

Shauna didn't sneak into your room that night like she had promised in the locker room when her lips were on yours and she had her hand down your pants. she had lied. she had lied and you wouldn't forgive her. you couldn't.

the brunette was surprised when you sat down near the back with Van and not beside Lottie who was closest to them. you didn't talk to her when arriving at the airport or even when you said hi to Jackie. at the time she figured you were just upset that she hadn't spent the night with you like she had promised. she thought about apologizing and doing all the things she knew you loved to earn your forgiveness once you landed.

none of those thoughts ever came to life.

three days later and everyone was trying to organize everything so they had enough food and water for as long as possible. you were sitting against some kind of cushion with your back against a tree as you stared at your leg deep in thought. it still hurt, just not as much considering Misty had been giving you some kind of pain pills. you had no idea where they came from or how she had them but you didn't care as long as you didn't have to feel all the pain in your body. Shauna hadn't left your side in those three days. she wouldn't talk much, neither would you. she'd mostly just give you food or water and check the cut to make sure it wasn't getting infected. she wanted to say something, her thoughts were practically being screamed at you but you didn't ask and she didn't speak.

the brunette had grabbed some food from the stash and brought it over to you. she moved it closer to you so you'd grab it but you shook your head. you weren't hungry. Shauna sighed, "you need to eat" she said a frustrated with you. she understood how you were feeling, not being able to walk or move without feeling excruciating pain was horrible but you were acting petty and she didn't like this side of you.

"im not hungry" you said. your voice was raspy from the little talking you had been doing and your throat was a bit dry from how long it had been since you had any water. by then you had gotten out of the jeans with Shaunas help and put a pair of shorts on to make it easier on your cut.

"y/n" Shauna sighed out. you didn't budge though and she knew there was only one way to make you listen. "you have to eat if you want to take the pills. Misty told you this yesterday" she said glancing at the blonde who was having the same problem with Ben. you finally gave in and grabbed the small piece of food.

Shauna was watching you intently as you ate when a sudden and frantic voice caught both of yours attention."guys!" Taissa said running toward the group, "guys, there's a lake. there's a lake" she said slightly out of breath. "i saw it from that hill" she said pointing in that direction. "it looks about four of five miles away."

Shauna stood up from her spot beside you to face Taissa. "do you think we could hike it?" she asked the brunette.

"it's pretty rocky, but yeah" Tai confirmed with an excited smile. the idea of finally getting the chance to rinse of and get clean water was enough to fill them with hope.

Jackie didn't seem to share the sentiment as she stood up from her spot, "uh, we, uh, we can't.. we can't just leave." she chuckled.

Tai looked at her a bit annoyed, "we've got two days of water, tops. and then what? just sit around and die?" she asked sarcastically.

"what if the rescue team comes?" Jackie rebutted. she had too much hope and you couldn't help but to chuckle at her words. she may be your best friend but even you knew how stupid that sounded. they weren't coming. it's time everyone accepted that.

"do you think they're taking their time on purpose?" Tai said and looked around the group. "if they knew where we were, they would be here already." she said her voice softening at the end of her sentence.

"you don't know that" Jackie responds.

Tai rolled her eyes before she turned toward the only adult with them. "what do you think, coach?" her words made everyone including you turn to look at the older man.

he shrugged, "i dont, i don't know." he shook his head, "i mean, you'd have to leave me behind, i guess, but whatever"

"we could make a stretcher" Taissa offered immediately earning a laugh from Jackie.

"oh, okay"

"seriously. if we take turns carrying it.."

"n-no" Jackie cut her off. "this-this is bullshit. i say no. okay? no way"

"let's put it to a vote" Taissa said. "all in favor of waiting here?" a couple girls beside Jackie raised their hand. you didnt have an opinion, truthfully either way would be just as painful for you. Shauna glanced at you motioning for you to vote but you ignored her and kept your eyes on your lap. "all in favor of the lake?" Taissa asked which seemed to get the most votes out of the two options. you sighed softly.

in the end everyone grabbed their things to go to the lake. Shauna wrote on the plane that everyone had gone to the lake whilst Van and Taissa helped you up from your spot. you didn't need a stretcher like coach and even if you did you weren't there was a way to have the teens carry two people. Shauna had offered to help but you quickly asked Van and Taissa if they could instead. it was hard to get into a rhythm, only being able to use one leg was harder than you thought. not to mention there were times you had to put your leg down because you were growing tired which caused a jolt of pain to run though it.

finding the lake was a lot harder than Taissa originally expected and at some point everyone was beginning to give up but Van had been the first person to see it. you weren't leaning on her anymore, instead Taissa and Shauna were helping you. at first you protested but Shauna wouldn't take no for an answer. you watched as Van ran toward the lake, taking her clothes off in the process. Taissa and Shauna felt the need to run too but they didn't, they were patient as you took it one step at a time.

when you were finally closer to the lake Tai and Shauna helped you sit down near the water. you watched as everyone splashed around, wishing you could be just as happy as they were. you felt annoying and bitter but you couldn't help it. it was as if you were useless and it pissed you off, instead of helping you were holding them back. not to mention the situation you were in with Shauna. you watched as the brunette was in the splashing Van and some of the girls with a smile on her face.

she looked beautiful. no surprise there. she always looked beautiful. no matter what. even when she woke up in the morning with messy hair or after practice when she was all sweaty. you always thought she looked breathtaking. you wished you could unlove her, wished there was a way to erase all the memories you shared so you wouldn't feel the pain in your chest. every time you thought about how she was using you, the way she was fucking someone else when she promised she wasn't. you felt stupid for ever believing her.

the brunette met your eye with a gentle smile. you didn't return it. she looked around before getting out of the water and approached you. "do you want to get in?" she asked softly. you didn't look up at her. "it could help" she said referring to the cut. she was right, it could help clean it and prevent an infection but you couldn't look at her. every time you did it was as if there was a knife through your heart and you couldn't take it.

"i'm fine" you said curtly, your eyes still not meeting hers. if you would've looked you would've seen the hurt flash through her eyes and the way her eyes began to tear up. she wasn't used to this. she was used to the warm and soft version of you, the you that would kiss her softly and tell her she was beautiful. the you that would hug her and tickle her to get a laugh out of her when she was having a bad day, the you that always made sure she felt loved and seen. she had never felt more invisible than in that moment. not even when she felt like she was in Jackie's shadow. being ignored by you was the most painful thing she'd ever endured.

Shauna looked around to see if anyone had heard only to be met with Jackie's confused gaze. she swallowed thickly and walked back to the water in an effort to distract herself from the pain in her chest.

later that same day they found a cabin. it was a miracle, it had a lot of things they needed but most of all it was a place they could be safe in. you spent most of your time inside the cabin or on the porch. it had been a couple of days since the lake and things were getting a bit better. Nat and Travis had been the only two that knew how to use a gun so they were officially the ones to go hunting. they ended up finding a wolf pretty quickly which everyone was thankful for considering how hungry everyone was. they had run out of food a couple days ago.

you were inside the cabin whilst everyone else was eating outside. you were too tired to move and all you wanted was to eat and go to sleep. your concussion had healed along with the bruises on you stomach, it was still sore but you could sit up without screaming in pain. your leg was okay, it still wasn't completely healed but Ben had made you a single crutch after he made his own so you didn't have to rely on others to move around.

the door opened but you didn't care to see who it was, you already knew it was Shauna. she was still doing everything for you, making sure you were okay and simply not leaving your side unless she had to. it was annoying. you couldn't even think with her near you at all times. the brunette bent down to your level with a plate of food in her hand. she put it on the floor in front of you and sat down fully as she watched you grab the plate and begin to eat.

she couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't take you ignoring her and icing her out completely. you weren't like this, never had she seen you so angry and resentful and she didn't think what she had done was as bad to get this reaction out of you. so she did what she thought was best.

"im sorry," she said softly. you froze at her words, did she know that you knew? you didn't think there was a way unless she had also seen you that night but you didn't think so. she seemed far too distracted to notice anyone else near. "i should've told you that i couldn't make it that night" she continued. her words made you laugh. the brunette seemed surprised by your reaction and truthfully it made her feel embarrassed.

"you seriously think i'm mad that you ditched me that night?" you asked with a laugh. you were far too amused by this. Shaunas eyes shifted down to her lap. she didn't respond to you, not knowing what else to say.

your condescending tone stuck with her for the rest of the week. she didn't understand what else she could've done to make you so upset. what could she have done to make you so cold and dry? she didn't understand it. after that talk she tried her best to give you space. she still helped you and took care of you as much as you allowed but she wasn't glued to your side like usual. she couldn't take the look of annoyance you'd have every single time she was near.

the two of you were at the lake washing clothes. Jackie was supposed to be there with the both of you but like she had been doing a lot lately, she was late. she didn't like the fact that she had to do chores like the rest of you and she made all types of excuses so she didn't have to help out. at first it annoyed you, specifically because you were always assigned with Shauna and her and considering Jackie never came around, you were left alone with the brunette.

you were standing near the brunette as you washed the clothes, you were slightly bent because of your leg. it felt good to be in the water, it made you feel clean. out of the corner of your eye you could see the brunette doing the same thing you were. she was quiet. you'd noticed that she wasn't as clingy as she had been before after the conversation you had in the cabin. she seemed distant and every time you'd catch her looking at you she would look away blinking rapidly and you knew it was her trying to prevent her tears from falling.

you felt like you had been punishing her enough, you needed to tell her the truth. you didn't owe her it but you couldn't go another day without knowing why. why she didn't have enough with you, why she had to sleep with Jackie's boyfriend and best friend. why she had to be so fucking selfish.

the sound of you clearing your throat made Shauna glance at you. with a deep sigh you opened your mouth to speak, "i saw you" you said softly. Shauna froze, her brows furrowed as she tries to process what you just said. you saw her? what did that mean? you sensed her confusion and decided to elaborate. "with Jeff. the night night before we came" you said.

it felt as if she had punched in the gut. the air in her lungs had been knocked out of her and the color had been drained from her face. "i-.." she said but the words had died in her throat. what could she say? what could possibly be said to make things better?

you shook your head softly, "why?" you asked your voice breaking slightly and your bottom lip began to quiver. you hadn't cried since the night you found out and it felt as if all the emotions that had been bottomed up were going to spill out of you. Shaunas heart rate quickened at the sight of you crying, endless tears falling down your face.

the brunette took a step closer to you, "please," she whispered, "i'm sorry" what else could be said but i'm sorry? what else could be said but how fucking sorry she was for breaking your heart, for hurting you. even though neither of you had ever said it, you were in love. you both knew it. it might've been silent but you both knew so she knew how much you were probably hurting and it was because of her. because she fell into temptation stupidly.

a scoff left your lips at her words, "no" you shook your head. "i want an answer. i want to know why" you said your breathing was starting to grow labored and it truthfully felt as if the oxygen wasn't reaching your lungs.

Shauna bit her lip as she cried. "i don't know" she whispered truthfully. the most fucked up part was that she probably didn't know why, probably only did it because she was a teenage girl who made mistakes and wanted everything her best friend had.

"bullshit" you said shaking your head. "having Jeff wasn't enough? you had to have me too?" you said bitterly. Shauna shook her head quickly and took more steps toward you until she was close enough to reach out and touch you.

"please y/n. it's not like that" she said shaking her head rapidly.

"fuck that. it is like that. it's exactly like that. did you want to be her so bad that you had to have her boyfriend and best friend? are you that fucking selfish?" you said raising your voice. you didn't seem to care that Jackie could be near and could be hearing everything you were saying. it didn't matter. not then. not when all you could feel was a blinding rage and pain that was making it impossible for you to breathe. for you to live.

Shauna felt helpless. there was nothing she could do to make the pain go away, it didn't matter how desperately she wanted to.

"is that why you kissed me back?" you asked, "why you fucked me again and again? why you couldn't say no because you finally had everything she did?" Shauna shook her head at your words. she grabbed your hands and squeezed them tightly, desperate to convey how sorry she was. you wanted to pull away but you didn't because you couldn't help but think that it would probably be the last time you allow her to get this close.

"of course not. i wanted you. it had nothing do with her, not when it was with you. i just wanted to be with you" she said, tears still full on streaming down her face. "please believe me" she begged.

"no" you said shaking your head, "fuck you Shauna" you practically spat and finally snatched your hands away from her hold. "fuck you for making me feel like we had something when all you cared about was yourself"

"please" Shauna begged once more, her brown eyes making you want to forgive her, made you want to hug her and tell her all would be okay but it wouldn't. you couldn't lie to her or yourself. not like that. you were slipping away and she could feel it, she could feel you slipping from her fingertips and she couldn't take it. it led to her confessing the words she had been wanting to say months ago. "i love you" she whispered, her eyes searching yours.

everything stopped in that moment. your heart, your breathing, the world. it all stopped for that one second as those words left her lips. she loved you.

she loved you.

she loved you and yet she still broke your heart so how could that ever really be love? you knew love was painful but it shouldn't be this painful. it shouldn't hurt this much. being loved shouldn't hurt like this.

"i ended things with Jeff as soon as things started between us but that night.. i just - i dont know why came over me but it was a mistake and i regretted it as soon as it happened. just please," she begged once more. she wasn't sure what she was even begging for any more. maybe your forgiveness or maybe your love. either way it didn't make a difference.

she was pregnant. Shauna was pregnant with Jeff's baby. you had overheard her and Taissa talking one night, everyone else was asleep and truthfully you were only awake because you couldn't shake off the last conversation you had with the brunette. you hadn't spoken since that day.

hearing her say that she was pregnant seemed to change everything. she would be having a baby with her best friends boyfriend. you wondered if she would get with Jeff, wondered if Jackie would break up with him or if she loved him enough to stay. did you love her enough to forgive her? of course you did. it didn't matter how hurt you were, all you could think about since that day was how much you missed her and how much you believed everything she said.

what if this was your last chance to tell her you wanted to work things out? what if you ending things completely resulted in her getting with Jeff. you couldn't allow that. you wouldn't. you loved Shauna and you wouldn't give her up. not like this. maybe finding out she would be having a baby was your wake up call. you weren't sure. the only thing you were one hundred percent sure of was the fact that you would do anything to make her happy. you would be a part of the baby's life if it meant you could be a part of Shaunas.

leaves crunched under your footsteps. everything had healed now. you didn't have to use a crutch when you walked although you did still had a limp. you weren't sure how long it would last but you hoped it wouldn't be forever. you could see Shauna from where you were. she was sitting near the lake with her diary in her lap as she wrote. you'd always known that she wrote in her diary quite frequently, you found it cute when you first found out. you always wondered if she ever wrote about you.

the brunette was so focused on her book that she hadn't heard you approaching her. your pace was slow, the limp not exactly helping you. it wasn't until you were five steps away that she finally looked in your direction, her eyes widening slightly in surprise. she looked speechless and you couldn't blame her. you were sure she thought you wouldn't talk to her again.

you took your time sitting down but Shauna was quick to help out of reflex. she thought you would push her hand away or ignore her but to her surprise you took her hand and shot her a thankful smile. "thanks." you said once you were finally sitting down. Shauna nodded in acknowledgment.

there was a silence between you that made Shauna nervous. were you going to tell her that it was officially over? that you wanted nothing do with her? if so, she could only hope that you'd make it quick so she could mourn her broken heart alone.

you cleared your throat as you looked at the water in front of you. Shauna looked at you out of the corner of her eye but didn't face you. afraid of what was next. there was so many ways you could start the conversation. tell her that you simply knew or that you'd overheard her and Tai talking. maybe you could even ask if there was something she wanted to tel you but that was just mean. you wouldn't make her tell you.

so you did what you thought was best. "you're pregnant" you said still looking out in front of you. Shaunas head snapped in your direction as she heard those words. her eyes immediately began to water and her heart was pulsing in her chest. you figured it was time you finally turn to look at her and as you did your heart broke. she looked terrified and that was the last thing you wanted. "hey," you whispered and brought your thumb up to her cheek to wipe the tears away. "it's okay" you reassured her. "it's okay" you repeated in hopes that she would stop crying.

"im sorry" Shauna cried but you shook your head.

"don't be sorry" you whispered and pulled her into a tight hug. she threw her arms around you and hugged you tightly as she nuzzled her face in the crook of your neck. she missed you so much but she hadn't realized just how much until then. until she finally felt your arms around her for the first time in weeks. "i love you, Shauna" you confessed against the crown of her neck as you kissed it softly.

the brunette pulled away from you instantly, her doe eyes looking at you in disbelief. she thought she'd never hear those words from you. not after your fight. you smiled gently at her and reached for her hands. "i'll be there for you and the baby. if that's what you want. even if it's just as your friend" you said softly.

Shauna matched your smile, her hands cupping your face lovingly before she leaned in to kiss you. her lips were soft against yours. you missed this so fucking much. you never wanted to let go of her. not again.

once you pulled away she placed her forehead against yours. "i love you too"

#shauna shipman imagines #shauna shipman x reader #shauna shipman #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #jackie taylor #taissa turner #vanessa palmer

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tinygarbage · 4 months

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Do I Wanna Know?

part one

pairing: simon “ghost” riley x f!reader (Cheese)

word count: 4.4k

summary: december is passing and you start to wonder what you mean to your lieutenant.

warnings: 18+, MINORS DNI, alcohol consumption (reader and ghost have 3 drinks), no use of y/n, reader is mentioned to have hair (no specific length), readers call name is “Cheese”, American reader, mutual pining, fluff, implication of severe anxiety, swearing, military inaccuracies, drunk soap and gaz, not really edited lol (let me know if i missed any)

au: this chapter is inspired by hozier’s cover of “do I wanna know” by the arctic monkeys 😚 i linked it in the title just in case y’all wanted to give it a listen! im thinking about one more part for this bad boy :)

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The pub is busy when you step in. Loud music and noisy chatter smacks you in the face as you shove your hands into your pockets. You feel your heart beating faster as your eyes search for the team's faces. The painfully familiar feeling of anxiety crawls through your brain as you walk through the crowded space. People are dressed in all sort of attire, a mix of casual and fancy outfits scatter across the dark pub. Party hats and sunglasses work of people heads. Cheap, plastic necklaces around peoples necks. They all chatter, drinks in their hands as they watch TV at the bar or cheer of the people on the karaoke machine. You recognize a Bon Jovi song being sung horribly by a middle aged woman. Her friends crowding the stage with their phones in hand, drunkenly recording her screeching performance.

Your heart races and your breathing quickens as your eyes continue to dart between the overwhelming amount of people. You were already late. Dreading coming since Simon gave you the invitation during training one day. Quietly mumbling about how the guys were carrying their tradition of going to Price's favorite pub. Inviting you to come along. Which you immediately accepted. Not stopping to think about the fact that crowded pubs make your head spin and stomach flip like the worlds most dangerous amusement park.

"Cheese!" You hear Soap's thick accent call out through the crowd. His voice immediately sending a soothing blanket over your jittery nerves.

Your head snaps in the direction you heard it from to see your team grouped up together at a large booth in the corner. They all sit tight together. Gaz and Soap clearly having indulged in their alcohol quickly. Soap's cheeks are rosy and his faux-hawk is tossled slightly. He's wearing a dark grey hoodie with some band graphic fading on it. Next to him sits Gaz. Who's wearing his worn baseball cap backwards. A navy hoodie with a grey and blue flannel over it. His eyes droop as he seems to be searching for where soap spots you. Across from them sits Simon and Price. Price wearing his typical beanie and a flannel. He's in the process of taking off his brown leather jacket. Next to him is Simon. Wearing a black hoodie. You cant see anything but his broad frame and the hood pulled up. But you can guess he's wearing his "civilian" balaclava or a black surgical mask.

As you approach, Soap is still waving his arm like a maniac and Simon slides out of the booth. Turning slowly to watch you approach. You don't even try to bite back a smile as you get closer. He's in his black surgical mask and a pair of dark denim. Thick leather boots on his feet. Jeans cuffed to reveal the lighter denim on the inside. Hiding the very top of his boot. His pale hand reveals itself, gesturing for you to slide into the booth. To sit right between him Price's broad frames.

You slip right in. Sitting close to Price. Your cardigan brushes against his flannel and he looks down at you. Giving you a sweet, genuine tight-lipped smile. "Hey, Cheese." He rasps, nudging your shoulder lightly.

You smile back in response. Glancing back over the busy pub as Simon squeezes in next to you. Both of your arms pressed against each other. "It's packed." You observe, adjusting between the two large men.

"Well, you did show up at 22:00." Gaz chuckled.

"How long have y'all been here?" You ask. Your American accent standing out in the pub full of Brits and Soap.

"Y'all!" Soap repeats in a southern accent. Surprisingly nailing it despite the fact that he's completely tossed.

The group ignores it, Gaz answers. "Soap and I got here around 19:00. Price and Ghost got here about an hour ago."

Before you can respond to Gaz, Simon speaks up from beside you. His gaze darting from you to the glass of whiskey sitting on the table in front of him. Pale fingers fidgeting with the wrapper of a straw. The straw from Price's coke. "How come you came so late?" His voice is quiet. Only being heard by you and maybe Price.

"Oh, I was calling my parents. And i got a little distracted."

It wasn't a lie. Not entirely. Just withholding the full truth. Not wanting to explain the fact that you had been doing every single chore and calling every single family member instead of getting ready to meet them at the pub. So you just wear a baggy, knitted cardigan over a grey cami. The lavender color of your cardigan and it's marble white buttons standing out amongst the men you were with. Who were wearing rather dull colors. A pair of light wash jeans on your bottom half and your trusty converse. The pair you've had since senior year. The fraying canvas and scuffed soles giving them character. And a sense of nostalgia. A birthday gift from your older brother. Who saved up all of his tips that he got working as a barista while attending college.

You shift awkwardly under his intense stare, waiting for any sort of response from him. Nothing comes. Instead, Soap leans over the table and speaks loudly. His accent thicker with the more he drinks, "Gaz and I have bets going on some pool games, you want to join?"

"I'll pass, I'm not very good at pool." You chuckle, speaking up so they could hear you over the crowded bar.

"That's better for us, means you'll lose!" Gaz chimes in, leaning against Soap.

"Maybe next time. What are you getting anyways?"

"Loser sings karaoke. Winner chooses which song." Soap answers with a drunken giggle, Gaz joking in. You've never seen either of them this drunk before.

"You're going to force an entire bar full of people to listen to your awful singing?" You laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

"Cant be as bad as the Cougar screaming on stage." Gaz nudges Soap as they laugh loudly. God, they were obliterated already.

Time passes and eventually Price has moved to the bar, leaving you and Simon to watch as Soap and Gaz play pool together. You cant tell who's winning, so Simon updates you with each play. You now had a vodka cranberry sitting in front of you. After Price begged you to let loose for once and stop being a "block of cheddar." Whatever that meant. But when he said it was on Shepherd, you couldn't refuse ordering a few drinks on the dreadful man's pocket. Price giving a big belly laugh as you make a remark about Shepherd's bald head.

With the drink and Simon's calming presence, you feel your anxiety starting to rinse away. A second drink comes and you and Simon are still pressed together despite having more room in the booth now that Price disappeared. The two of you watching Soap lose brutally in a game of pool. Most likely due to the fact that he can't even stand straight. You watch as him and Gaz stumble to the karaoke machine, which is vacant now that people are more focused on midnight approaching. Typing in the song Gaz had chosen as the pair giggle and try to read the screen. Their vision most likely blurred and spinning. The song starts playing once everything is set up, the microphone in Soap's hand as he leans on Gaz for support. Probably needing a glass of water more than a song. You cant help but giggle as Come on Eileen starts playing. Typical karaoke song.

You're still sat in the booth with Simon, watching as Soap curls his arm around Gaz. His singing getting louder and increasingly incoherent as he attempted to read the words on the screen. His accent thick with each word. You wish your hearing was non existent as you watch the shit show in front of you. Simon sitting silently at your side.

"We're going to have to roll that man out," You say with a grin. Soap's an idiot but he's the team's idiot.

"I say we leave him to Price." Ghost replies, glancing at you while you take a chug of your drink.

You glance over to Price, who has his arm loosely around a blonde. A charismatic smile as he leans against the bar, the pint of dark beer half empty and her flashy margarita with nothing but the salt around the rim and the flimsy umbrella laying. It's place as a decoration looking rather sad in the empty glass.

"It seems like Price is on his own mission," you say with a raised brow.

"At least the old man is getting out there," he grumbles. You watch subtly as he lifts his mask to finish off his whiskey. Catching a glimpse of a scar down his pink lips. The sight bringing a familiar pool of heat to your stomach. Your ribs squeezing from the desire building.

You swallow your alcohol infused thoughts, turning back to your drink when you notice his brown eyes shifting under your gaze. You weren't being nearly as subtle as you thought. He had felt the tension build between the two of you the moment your eyes landed on his lips. Clearing your throat you speak up, "Yeah, he's been getting irritable lately. Maybe some stress relief outta do him some good."

You hear a small huff of laughter next to you, watching as his shoulders shook slightly under his black hoodie. A small smile creeps on your lips. Not able to hide the giddiness you feel every time you manage to break his shell. Even if it was something as subtle as a huff of laughter or a sheepish expression.

"Can't remember the last time I've seen the poor bastard do anything for himself." He responds, a hint of a smile in his voice. It was light, airy. But it was everything to you. A moment worth a mental picture in your brain.

"Good for him," you conclude with a proud nod. Watching as the blonde places a hand on Price's bicep. Which looked like it was screaming to be let out of the flannel he wore.

Your eyes flick back to Simon, admiring the curve of his nose. The very top of it peaking out from the surgical mask. The mere sight of him drowns out Soap's awful singing. Drawing you in and letting your mind wander to all the places you wanted the talk, blonde man to take you. You couldn't help but imagine how his nose would feel against your skin. His breath fanning on the open landscape as his lips trace every inch of you. Breathing you in with each peck. You imagine how it's feel as he leaves a trail of kisses down your stomach. Or pressed against your sensitive bud as he buries his face in your dripping cunt. Jesus, Cheese. Slow down.

With that last thought in mind, you stare down at your drink. It's your third. And probably your last. Given the fact that midnight was approaching minute by minute and you needed to be sober to try and get Gaz and Soap out. Simon was on his fourth and final glass as well. Announcing he was cutting himself off before he would have to endure a nasty hangover the next morning. Soap was finished singing, gesturing to you and Simon that they were going for one more round. A round that would probably tie them over to midnight.

And it did. Leaving you and Simon to drag him and Gaz out of the bar and to the Uber you had ordered. Price having left swiftly after midnight with the blonde he was chatting up. Her dragging him out as they laughed like a couple of teenagers. Price giving you and Simon a smug smile and a wink as he passed. You waving goodbye and Simon glaring at him. Pissed at the fact you two were left to taking care of the drunken babies screaming in the karaoke machine. Especially when Soap turned into a runner after 3 pints.

You and Simon wrangle the drunken toddlers into the Escalade. Gaz sobering up quick once you had buckled him in and gave him a bottle of water that the bartenders were handing out. On the other hand, Soap was being a straight menace. Making Simon's life ten times more difficult than it needed to be. Acting like a toddler in the middle of a bloody, screaming tantrum. Trying to slip out if Simon's tight grasp to take off through the streets. You and Simon having to resort to scaring him into sitting still in the Uber. Leaving you in the middle of him and Gaz, holding onto Soap's hand as he babbles. His thick, slurring accent completely impossible to understand. He even asks you a question. One that Ghost has to translate for you.

"Why do they call ye Cheese?" He slurs, head turning to look at you.

"Grew up on a dairy farm in Wisconsin." You explain with a shrug. You had gotten used to people asking by now. But internally you were certain you had told him already.

"Oh," he pauses, his lips pressed into a small pout as he thought more about it. "Well, that's silly."

"Your name is Soap. What if I think that's stupid?" You say flatly, watching his pout grow.

Eventually, you're back to base. Gaz walking up on his own, but you stay next to him. Ready to catch him if he takes the wrong step or needs to puke. Simon practically carrying Soap behind him. Who's now singing old Scottish folk songs while Simon grumbles profanities. Your favorite being a threat to make him sleep in the bushes. Which causes infectious laughter from the Scot. Which you are quick to quiet as there's other people on base.

Once you're in the confines of your groups own little sector. You and Simon get Gaz into the respective rooms. Propping them on their sides in case there were any accidents. Leaving a water bottle and a couple tablets of Advil for their heads in the morning. Simon was partial to dumping them and heading to bed. But you made sure they were out of their jackets, in their beds, converse with blankets, and had water for the morning.

Soon, you find yourself in Simon’s room. Listening to him grumble endlessly about the behavior from the other three men you live with. You watch in the corner as he lazily unties his leather boots. Body hunched over completely as he sits at the edge of the bed. Kicking them off with a bit of a tipsy struggle. Letting them plop at the end of his bed with a large thunk!

Awkwardly, you shift in your place by the door. He had invited you to come in. But this side of him was so foreign to you that it still felt wrong. Like you were in forbidden territory. But you bury the anxiety. Reminding yourself that the flipping of your stomach could be blamed on the three mixed drinks you had indulged in.

He’s sat up now, stretching his back. A loud crack sounding through the room as his spine arches like a cat. You watch as his hand reaches for his surgical mask. You don’t think twice of the motion. You’re occupied with a fuzzy brain. Crossing the room with a shy stride, blinking a few times as your vision adjust to the dim lighting in his dorm. Your eyes flicking back up to catch his movements. And it isn’t until the mask is pulled completely off that you realize what is happening.

“Simon?” You ask quickly.

His eyes snap to you, head turning towards you ever so slightly. Revealing the rest of his face to you. And god, he’s fucking gorgeous. The curved bridge of his nose that you always noticed is paired with a straight, and narrow length. Slightly tipped downwards. The pale scar you noticed earlier seeming to glow in the dim lighting. Crossing through his pale pink lips. His jawline strong and the shape of his face a little longer than you’d ever noticed when he was wearing the mask.

“You take that thing off?” You ask without thinking. Voice laced in disbelief and shock.

He lets out a huff of laughter. A small, boyish grin tugging at his lip. “Of course I do.”

You stare at him for a moment longer, taking in his strong, prominent features. Trying to drink in every centimeter to engrave in the back of your brain. “Why are you taking it off now? I thought you were hell bent on hiding your face.” You question, frowning slightly.

“You’re the only one who hasn’t seen my face.” He says bluntly.

“What? That’s no fair!”

“Perfectly fair.” He responds. You find yourself speechless. Now you got to put a face to the snappy, dry comments he had an endless supply of. Seeing the full expression of his face when he’s giving an unimpressed stare. You adore it.

“Why haven’t I seen it?” You ask, faking offense with a dramatic gasp.

“Because you’re insufferable.” He answers dryly. But the crooked smile on his lips give his intentions away. You grin, moving your body from its place on the edge of the bed with him. Leaving over to snatch the balaclava that rests on the nightstand where he had tossed the surgical mask. His “civilian” balaclava. The one with the skull print. “What are you doing?”

“Trying it on.” You giggle.

“Don’t touch it.” He says sharply, moving to reach for it.

Your reflexes are heightened. Holding his mask out to the side with a giggle, trying to push his massive body back. But he's too big and overpowering. Not to mention the three drinks you had were still buzzing through your system. He grabs your hand on his chest, pulling you into him as the other arm snatches the skull mask. He tosses it to his nightstand before using both hands to pick you up from the edge and throw you down gently on the middle of his bed. The wooden bed frame creaking with age. "You're a brat," he says in deep voice. His dark, playful glare making your heart spike as you're pressed against the mattress.

"Am not!" You argue, laughing as you realize he's about to tickle you. Picking up the lower half of your body as he inserts his larger frame between your denim covered legs. You wonder if it's third grade again as his hands move from holding you down to your sides.

He then laughs and tickles your ribs, causing you to gasp out into a fit of giggles. Your hands shooting up to his wrists to stop him as you try and speak through the laughter erupting from your chest. He laughs mischievously. His hand moving down to your stomach and up your sides again. The action making you laugh even harder while begging him to stop. Words broken and squealed as you giggle. He finally stops the tickling but he keeps his hands on your sides, looking at you with a crooked grin on his face.

You try not to dwell on the fact that you've never seen him smile before. And have never ever imagined it would look this good. Or boyish. This felt completely out of character. And it was. All you could think to do was blame it on the glasses of whiskey he had downed just before midnight. But that wouldn't stop you from memorizing each inch of his face without the mask on. Taking in the sight of his blonde lashes that are just a little bit lighter than his thick eyebrows. Or the scar running down his cheek to his jaw. The line dark and uneven, a contrast to his pale skin. The other scar just below his nose and through the pale pink lips that spread thin with his smile. He was everything.

The veins in his pale hand popping against your hips as he keeps your ass in place on this thick thighs. "You are and you know it." He finally says, a bit breathless from laughing at you.

"You're so mean." You say breathlessly, giving him a playful pout.

"I know, that's why you love me...right?" He asks you, with that charming smile and a smug voice to match. His hands on your sides, leaning down towards your face.

You just giggle again, nodding slightly as you admire how he looks above you. Your breathing starts to calm as you two sit in the warming silence between each other. Your back is against his sheets, hair spread on his pillow. He's sitting between your legs. Your thighs pressed over his hips as his large body leans over you. As your giggling ceases, you notice him getting closer and closer. Your heart beats faster as his face leans a couple inches forward. Stopping for a second to look over your features. His breath was warm. The scent of a heavy mint mixed with a bit of whiskey. The slow exhales fanning your jaw slightly as his eyes flicker to your lips. His hands on your sides started to get lower the closer he got. Thumbs digging into your hips lightly. Like he was trying to imagine how your flesh would feel gripped beneath his bony fingers.

Suddenly, you realize what's happening. It hits you like a train coming full speed ahead. You feel your heart lurch as a fire erupts through your hips. His thumbs brush over the skin that is exposed. The cardigan you're wearing rides up to reveal more of your skin peeking between its hem and your jeans. Wires in your brain start to connect when you realize the severity of your situation and your rising feelings. This was Ghost. Simon fucking Riley. These thoughts weren't allowed. These feelings are forbidden. This isn't real. This isn't him.

You sit up, scooting back as you come to your senses."I...I should probably get back to my room." You clear your throat. Trying to even your breathing.

He moves back, sitting up completely as your close proximity starts to sink in to his senses. You hear him swallow slightly, shifting back more to allow you to move. Sitting up, you shift towards the edge of the bed. Your feet dangle as you try and calm down the screaming arousal pumping through your veins. As you sit there, you wonder what thoughts run through his brain. Was this all good fun? Was this something he wanted or thought about? Were you something he thought about?

"Right," his voice deepens and his dark eyes run cold, "you should probably go."

Fuckin' hell. The tension in the room grows thick. It's painfully obvious the affects of the alcohol have taken over their senses. Creating a false perception of each other in a close proximity. You internally calm yourself. Reminding yourself that you're human and a very large, brutally attractive man was hovering over you just second ago. Of course you'd be turned on. But he's your lieutenant. The second in command. The man who'd take over if Price left or retired. Your superior.

"Right." You repeat. Your voice just above a whisper.

Another consequence of drinking rears it's ugly head when you feel tears start to burn at the corners of your eyes. Why were you so upset? You scold yourself, repeating the fact that you were the one to stop things from progressing. And he's your superior. Not like it should happen anyways.

But your scolding only goes so far. Instead, a dark shadow of guilt and shame starts to crawl over your skin. You pull your cardigan tighter against yourself as you stand up from his bunk. Your converse tapping on the floor as you start to step away. Glancing at the way her shifts to sit on the bed. Long, large legs planted on the floor. His pale, striking face observing you.

This type of look wasn't different from the look he always gave you. But this time, you could see his entire face. You can see his thick brow knitting together as his dark eyes scan over you. His eyes stained with dark circles. You could see all of the flaws he so desperately wanted to hide from everyone. But you. The face he allowed you to see. The one with a crooked smile. The sheepish smile that he'd try to bite back. Or the way his nose was a little crooked at the end. And it scrunched up when he lets out a boisterous laugh.

But all you see is the dark wall that began to rebuild itself. The glaring eyes and the shadow from his thick brow. The rest of his face void of expression as the hand on his leg squeezes his thumb a few times. A nervous tic you had noticed. Something he does when he has so much more to say. When he has an overwhelming amount of feelings bubbling up in his throat. Threatening to spill out like when a toddler spills their milk. Accidental. Inevitable.

Slowly, you make your move. Spinning around and walking towards the door with your arms wrapped around your torso. Feeling the overwhelming urge to crawl into yourself like a little shell. Hiding from the reality of you being completely enamored by him. Hiding from all of the pining you shamelessly embraced. Shielding yourself from the fact that you want him to pull you back into his bed. Knowing that if he did, it would ruin this. All of the effort you made to get this close to him knocked over like Jenga blocks. Leaving him to be nothing but a stranger. This is for the better. You know it's for the better.

A choked breath stops you in your tracks. Your footsteps halt and you turn your head over you shoulder. His large frame still sat on the bed with hunched shoulders. His voice monotonous, speaking out your name into the dimmed room. "Happy New Year."

Your words come out fragile, on the verge of tears. "Happy New Year, Simon."

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moot tags: @annasinterests @pertinentpostmortem

#simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #cod x reader #ghost cod #ghost x reader

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iamjackstylerdurden · 10 months

Text

ok but dennis’s hands shaking late at night while texting mac as johnny and he tells himself its bc the room is cold or hes stressed but its actually bc its getting more and more difficult to know where dennis ends and johnny begins. when johnnys texting mac all the things he loves about him but its really everything dennis loves about mac. and when mac texts all the things he loves about johnny its all the things he loves about dennis. because dennis made johnny just like him. he wants to be caught by mac because he cant catch himself. he knew from the start it wasnt sustainable. that wasnt the flaw in his plan, it was the climax

when he sees mac texted “gn ily” and for a second he prays mac sent it to his number and not johnnys. but he knows mac didnt bc mac already confessed and dennis said no. so macs trying to move on. when mac texts that and for a brief second dennis debates texting mac “i love u too” from his real number. he knows mac is in his bedroom. he wonders, if he did, how long it would be before he hears footsteps making their way to his door. what would be the first thing mac says as he makes eye contact with johnny for the first time

or when he sends mac to the motel and he sits outside of what he knows for a fact to be macs room. johnny texting excuses as to why hes not there while dennis is just feet away from the door. maybe once or twice he gets his hand on the handle before pulling back. the cold metal burning his skin like holy water hitting a demon (despite nothing about this being holy). sitting in his car in front of the window begging mac to look out the window. to see him. to recognize him. to make the first move bc dennis sure as hell cant

but he never texts “i love you” from his real number and mac never looks out the window and dennis never opens the door. so hes left there knowing exactly where mac is and a pretty good idea of what hes doing but never getting to be as happy as mac. bc mac is texting a fake man hes convinced hes going to have while dennis is texting the very real man hes convinced hes never going to have

always telling himself tomorrow. tomorrow he’ll go to macs bedroom or motel room and confess. lay out his soul and affection. but he can never make tomorrow happen. then mac has to go and tell everyone about johnny. and suddenly its real. mac is in schrodingers box and unknowingly blows it open and the universes collide. text mac and irl mac are one and dennis cant handle it so he doesnt get his grand confession. he gets his exasperated “i am him” but theres people around. he could maybe get his soul out in front of one person (one specific person) but not here at the bar in front of an audience (even if that audience is only one or two people)

so it ends. johnny doesnt exist (at least physically) and now mac knows. everyone pushes it behind them as some scheme abruptly ended as usual. no one pokes or prods at it too much bc why would they. so now that johnnys gone mac isnt tethered to anyone anymore and dennis has to sit through as mac uses his own system against him. so he has to make another elaborate private tactic because being another person is the closest dennis has ever got to being true to himself and mac. dear god he couldnt get anyones help with this because again, his soul only has room for one person. if he doesnt start something else this feeling with sit and sit and fester then die. he already has enough dead things inside of him and one more might start having consequences. he wonders if this is how mac felt all those years. if macs feelings festered and died. maybe he’ll never know

#iasip #macdennis #macden #wow this got a lot angstier than i expected #sorry abt formatting this is my brain throwing out words #mightve gotten too abstract idk i think i have adhd and just wrote whatever i thought #frank vs russia #frank vs russia changed my brain chemistry #help im doing character analysis outside of class #at least i stopped before i started making hannibal and succession references #stream of consciousness

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natalievoncatte · 9 months

Text

"In the end, you can only count on blood."

Lena stood there in Lex's stronghold, staring him down as best she could, and it was still pathetic. He wanted to tell her, to see her face crumble as he explained to her in exquisite detail how weak and pathetic she was. Good God, the woman had given herself a glow-up before confronting him. Who goes to their supervillain brother's secret base, intent on challenging him, in heels? With that shade of makeup? She was still playing the sexpot, unthinkingly using her "advantages" the way that their father had trained her to, when he'd first used her to distract a rival at the negotiating table. At the time, Lex had been disgusted, and confronted the old man privately, earning himself a few bruises.

Over a decade later, he wondered how he hadn't seen it sooner. So desperate for belonging, for approval. Beneath the power suits and fuck me pumps, she was just a little girl crying for her teddy bear, endlessly searching for someone to pat her widdle head and tell her it was okay, and she'd latched onto the Kryptonian of all people. He understood her proclivities, even if he didn't share them, or much interest in the act generally, and on an aesthetic level he knew why Lena was drawn to Kara Danvers, but how could she be so dense?

No, he had to play this properly. He'd written this little drama piece by piece, laying out the steps for her to follow, just as he'd manipulated her so many times at the chess table. All he had to do was pick up the remote on the table beside him and show her the truth, watch her crumble, and when she was reduced to rubble on the floor, rebuild her properly. She'd be his apprentice yet, be worthy. For all her faults, his half-sister was the closest thing he'd ever to know an equal, a worthy partner.

So worthy was she, in fact, that she smoothly swept back her jacket, and in a practiced motion, drew the revolver she carried in a basket-weave, FBI-cant holster on her strong side. Lex recognized it; he gave it to her. A Smith and Wesson J-Frame Ladysmith with custom ebony wood grips. The very one that Lex had gifted Lena on her twenty-first birthday, having already taught her to shoot on the grounds of the family estate.

"This is no time for theatrics, dear sister," said Lex.

Lena responded by shooting him twice, missing his heart. The pain was towering, enormous, and he was on the ground before he realized he'd fallen. Nothing had ever hurt this much.

In his usual detached way, he assessed. Gurgling when he breathed and copper on his breath: she'd hit a lung. When he pulled his hand back from one of the wounds, the blood was a rich, earthy red. Gutshot, then, too. Sadistic, if it was intentional. From the way her hand was shaking it probably wasn't.

"The world will never be safe with you in it," Lena choked out, still holding the gun in front of her as if it might shield her from what she'd done.

"Pathetic," Lex choked out. "Just as I thought." The gurgling came harder now.

He was going to die; that was inevitable. But he'd still get his licks in. They probably thought the Harun-El, or Red Daughter, or the Lexosuit were his master-stroke, but no, it was more intimate. More subtle. He willed himself to draw breath, commanded by force of will that blood keep carrying oxygen to his brain. Despite the agony ripping through him at every breath, he carried on. This made it worth it.

Oh, yes, she'd killed Lex Luthor, but he'd destroy her.

"What will you be without me? You have no one, and nothing."

She seemed confused. How had Lex ever thought that this bovine, dull creature could be worthy of ruling the world beside him? She had some low cunning and a technician's aptitude for laboratory work, but she was no peer of his.

"Go back and cry to your friends," he croaked. "All of them have been mocking you. Alex and Jimmy, your boyfriend, and that little alien runt, and her most of all. The truth was right in front of your face."

He managed to reach the remote and activate the monitors, relief flooding through him, cooling the heat of his dying. Lex slumped back, watching Lena watch her world unravel.

"They've been lying to you all this time, her most of all. Kara Danvers." He pronounced the name carefully, adding the proper Kryptonian inflection to Kara's name.

This. This was the thrust that ended the duel, the cutting stroke, the killing blow. He watched her eyes widen.

"Even your own mother has been lying to you. It's been right there the whole time."

Lena looked at him, the gun drooping in her hand. She looked at the monitor, back to him. Her expression hardened, twisting into a scowl. Perfect. She might even still be able to save him. He knew she was worthless now, of course, but she would be easily to manipulate and once she followed his instructions and healed his wounds, the guilt would take over and-

She was still looking at him. He met her gaze.

"Kara Danvers is Supergirl," Lex croaked out.

Lena's voice was heavy with sadness.

"I know."

Fuck.

Lena pulled the trigger. Lex saw a flash but heard no sound, felt no pain. It was simply over.

It was, but he wasn't.

Somehow, he did not hear, but sensed Lena leaving, not by the clack of her heels on concrete or the explosive rush of pressure as she stole his damned portal watch, but by some other means he didn't understand.

This was odd.

Lex hadn't counted on there being an afterlife. Nor had he considered that it would be so pedestrian and mundane, and that he'd end up staring down at his own body from above. The tunnel of light was probably next; going into said light was most likely, at least for Lex Luthor, an amazingly terrible idea.

This was truly strange. He supposed he should have been in shock and awed at the entire situation, but all he could really feel was a kind of confusion. Looking at his body was like walking the halls of the first boarding school he'd attended, trying to reconcile the memories of a child with the physicality and perspective of an adult who felt too large for those spaces.

In other words, had he really been that short? Had no one had the fortitude to tell him how silly that beard looked?

Lex waited, and started to wonder. Now if this was the afterlife, staring at his own corpse, that would be oddly fitting, in an ironic Greek hell sort of way. He could appreciate the poetry.

Out of of the corner of his eye -or the fringes of his bodyless, formless perception- Lex spotted movement and turned towards it instinctively. A wisp of thick vapor was snaking under the door, curling through the gap. Tendrils of the mist slithered along the floor, spreading and flowing until it surrounded the corpse, which Lex was now more comfortable thinking of as the body rather than my body.

Said mist was filling the room, rising higher and higher. Lex felt a peculiar tug, a nonphysical pull, a kind of involuntary lunge back towards his fallen body. As the mist grew heavier, it reduced the looped footage of Kara using her powers at L-Corp to a glowing blur behind the swirling fog.

Had Lena set the bunker on fire before she left? Perhaps she'd meant to giving him a Viking funeral. He rather liked that.

What he did not like was the jarring sensation of gurgling, pain swelling in his lungs in a molten wave that climbed up his throat, burning its way into a ragged, wet cough that filled his nostrils with metallic stink as surely as if he'd shoved pennies up his nose. He took another breath, or tried to.

Pain rocketed through his body. It felt as if invisible fingers were crudely ripping his wounds closed, knitting the flesh not only carelessly but with deliberate, sadistic glee. Lex cried out and tasted blood on his tongue.

There was a cold floor, hard beneath him. He blinked a few times, the world coming into blurry existence before his now-functional eyes. When he took another breath, the pain had abated, but the memory of it was a non-physical ache, a drag on his lungs nevertheless. As his eyes focused, he realized he was staring up at a new ceiling, in unknown surroundings. The arched stone above his head made him think castle. Maybe he'd been somehow carried off to a bunker in Kaznia, and was about to be interrogated.

Lex sat up.

He was in a castle, indeed. There was a thick carpet under his backside, doing little to protect him from the bitter cold of a hard stone floor. Elaborate tapestries hung on the walls, and in front of them stood heavy, solid bookcases that showed deep age in the wood and craftsmanship, the shelves packed with a vast number of volumes, all of them finely bound. Lex took a few tentative steps and looked over the spines. Most were unmarked. One had a cover of a strange, pale leather that felt loathsome to the touch.

Scanning the room, Lex decided he need to figure out where he was, who brought him here, and attempt to deduce why. It was important, even vital, to project a constant air of control, even if he had no idea what the hell was going on. He'd feel out his captor and find the best posture to start influencing them and guiding them down paths he had already calculated, towards the inevitable goal of escape, and if possible, control. Master of circumstances was Lex's central drive. He didn't play his pieces, he played his opponent; the game itself was merely an exercise in satisfying his intellectual vanity by minimizing the number of moves between opening and checkmate.

So, he assessed.

Wealth. Power. Aristocracy. Those were his first thoughts. The person who owned this place had vast resources and considered themselves vastly important, and to some degree they were right. On the wall opposite the bookcases, Lex found an assortment of arms and armor, full suits of plate on arming racks and heavy longswords and axes, all lovingly cared for.

The room was dominated by a painting. Lex paused to study it; the faded oils depicted, as through a dark glass, a striking young woman of great beauty, dressed in rich regalia. The artist had given her a lively visage, with curious, expressive eyes that were somehow full of mute appeal. She seemed familiar, though the aging of the painting made it difficult for Lex to say how.

Lex heard a scuff of leather and realized he wasn't alone.

At the far end of the room stood a tall man in rich, elaborate, and very antiquated robes and a heavy cloak. Very pale, he had an aristocratic look about him, with jet black hair worn long, swept back from a pronounced windows peak. In one hand, he delicately held a fine golden goblet, and in the other, he regarded some kind of elaborately decorated card; Lex at first thought of the tarot, but it wasn't part of the major or minor arcana, and he didn't recognize the design at all.

He turned and met Lex's gaze.

Lex flinched back and immediately loathed himself for it. He hadn't reacted like this to anyone in years, not since the first time the Kryptonian had paid him a visit. He held the stranger's gaze firmly, though it felt like nails pulled across his skin.

There was an expectant pause. Lex remained still, schooling his features.

"You are Alexander Luthor," the stranger said, gently placing his cup on the broad desk in front of him, settling in a rare open space amongst books and papers.

"My friends call me Lex."

He looked up, considering Lex briefly.

"I have brought you here, and raised you from death at great expense, for a singular purpose, Master Luthor."

Lex spread his hands in a conciliatory gesture.

"What purpose is that?"

"You will tell me everything you know about this woman."

He held something out, clearly expecting Lex to cross the room and accept it. Lex briefly weighed which option was best- to appear obedient and begin his manipulations that way, or force the other man to move from his position of presumed authority and reframe the conversation between them as an exchange between equals.

The moment stretched too long. The stranger's expression darkened slightly. Lex crossed the gap and accepted what turned out to be an eight by ten photograph. He looked at the familiar face.

"Her name is Kara Danvers," said Lex. The photo was her headshot from the CatCo Media website.

God, had no one ever put a picture of Supergirl in Google and done a reverse image search? It was so obvious. She was even more careless than Kent!

"This I know," the man said, taking the picture back. He studied it, lovingly dragging one finger down the edge.

"You seem rather taken with her," said Lex.

The stranger looked up, and carefully slipped the photograph between the pages of one of his books.

"She is important to my plans. I must bring her here, safely and securely, to my home."

Lex couldn't help it, he really couldn't. He barked out a laugh.

"Do you have any idea what you're dealing with? Kara Danvers is Supergirl."

The stranger's eyes flashed with fury, and for a moment, there was something absolutely bestial in his face, his features flowing and changing, twisting into something monstrous and carnivorous.

"It is you who have no idea what you are dealing with, little man," he said.

This wasn't going well.

"I'd be glad to help you, if you help me. I'm sure we can work out a-"

The man moved as fast as a damned Super. He blurred around the desk, suddenly just there, and whipped his hand across Lex's throat. At first, he thought he'd been slapped, but the pain was too sharp, too vital. A hot gush followed it, and Lex realized he was about to die. Again. His throat had been cut.

His knees hit the stone floor and he clutched at his neck, desperate to staunch the flow, but it sluiced between his fingers and spattered on the floor.

The stranger murmured a word, and the air itself seemed to twist around him, bent and mangled by the sound he made as a faint light twisted around his fingers as he bent and curled them in impossible configurations.

The pain of the wound closing was worse than its making; that had been quick, the edge sharp. This felt like someone was grasping Lex's parted flesh with greasy fingers and reshaping it like so much clay.

The stranger looked at the blood splattered on his fingers and hand.

"It is unfortunate that the offal that pollutes your veins is too poor a vintage, Luthor. I would not soil my tongue with it, but perhaps there are others that might be sated by lesser stock."

A hand closed around his neck, and Lex was hauled up, his toes kicking six inches above the floor.

"I could crush you like an insect, remake you, and crush you again," he said, with a strange, mirthless joy in his voice. "You think yourself your world's smartest man. Next to me, you are nothing. Your world is nothing. I have ruled this land for a thousand years. I am beyond your comprehension."

He let go, and Lex fell, rolling with the impact, lucky not to pop something in his knee. He fell onto his side, gasping and struggling to breathe, unsure he still could.

"You will do as you are commanded. You will tell me everything you know of this woman, and hold nothing back. Her origins, her ways, her home, her family, everything you know, and if I am satisfied that you have been suitably forthcoming, I shall reward you by allowing you to live and serve me."

"Who are you?" Lex choked out.

The stranger stared down at him, smiling for the first time, a cold smile without a hint of anything human in it.

"I am the Ancient. I am the Land. I am Strahd."

#supergirl fanfiction #supergirl #kara danvers #supercorp fanfic #supercorp #curse of strahd #crossover au #muahahahahahahahahahaha #welcome to ravenloft miss danvers

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