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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

Note

You probably have gone over it before but what are your opinions on Romione (Ron x Hermione)

I actually haven’t.

Well, probably not a surprise given the hints I’ve dropped, but I’m not a fan of this one either.

However, that said, ships are on a scale. Romione bores me but it’s not in the “this would never happen and fans are deluding themselves” area that some very popular ships end up in. I don’t argue with it being a possibility or that this is where canon ended up.

Now, that aside, what’s up with Ron/Hermione.

Well, it’s that quintessential 90′s romance. The pair bicker constantly, all they do is fight with one another, we later learn that they did this because they were secretly attracted to one another. Now they’re dating and they still bicker constantly.

It was a big trope for a while but I was rarely, if ever now that I think about it, sold on it.

It’s sort of “The Lady Doth Protest Too Much” except, No, the Lady really Doth Protest Too Much. All Hermione and Ron do is bicker and fight, they don’t even really seem to like each other at the end of the day, and I can’t see them ever really being happy together in the long term.

So, why can I see it happening? Well.

Why Does Hermione Go For Ron?

I’ve gone over this before, but part of it I think is that Harry’s off the table and Hermione has accepted that very early. Harry never shows any interest in Hermione as anything other than a friend and Hermione knows it.

Now, Ron never does either, at least for a while, but I think Ron is a safer option in a lot of ways. He’s a part of the golden trio but he’s not its heart, he’s important to the three of them, but Harry is the heart and soul of the group. If Hermione ruins things with Harry, then everything falls apart. If things don’t work out with Ron, well, the three of them have spats every now and then and Ron will probably come back if it goes wrong.

Basically, I think Hermione gravitates towards Ron because by being with Ron the golden trio remains as it is. They’re still Hermione, Harry, and Ron. If Hermione brings in an outsider, the entire dynamic gets thrown off, suddenly there’s a fourth there or Hermione has to split her time between Ron and Harry and New Guy.

Ultimately, I think Hermione values her friendship with Harry and Ron (the only friendships she’s ever had in her life) more than she does dating someone like, oh, Viktor Krum.

Hermione also seems to like dating guys she feels safely smarter than. Hermione places all her value in her intelligence, and frankly, when it comes to Harry and Ron she’s kind of right to. They clearly value her as a friend mostly because she’s the nerd research homework friend. They make it very clear that she’s really only tolerated at best and constantly walking on thin ice.

Everything in Hermione’s life confirms that, if she doesn’t have her intelligence and hard work to offer up, then she’ll be dropped like it’s hot. So, per the end of canon, and I think probably for the rest of her life given she marries Ron, Hermione will never pursue someone who threatens these qualities. Because if she introduces someone in her life who’s at least as smart as her (if not god forbid smarter), then what’s the point of Hermione Granger?

Ron’s dumber and far lazier than Hermione. Oh, Ron’s not necessarily as stupid as Harry (who is dumb as bricks), but he is fundamentally lazier and thanks to his worse grades will be a nice, safe, choice for Hermione who can be assured that Ron will always need her.

He might resent her for it now and then, but he does need her.

Why Does Ron Go For Hermione?

Surprisingly, I think Ron gets together with Hermione for similar reasons. For a very long time he shows -1 interest in Hermione. She’s the ugly girl friend who’s pretty much one of the dudes.

This changes when others start going after Hermione.

With Victor at the Yule Ball, suddenly, the golden trio is threatened. Hermione can clean up into an attractive young woman, people outside their tight knit friend circle can be interested, and suddenly Hermione can leave if she wants to.

For the longest time it was a long accepted truth that for better or worse Hermione was stuck with them. So Ron could rag on her, get pissed about the Firebolt fiasco, pretty much anything and Hermione would eventually be back because she has nowhere else to go.

I think the Yule Ball was the first wake-up call that this isn’t true. Hermione can leave, she just has to find the courage to do so.

Well, Ron brushes that off after Hermione’s relationship with Viktor pretty much goes nowhere. And then we get sixth year, Ron has a girlfriend (which is nice until she starts expecting things of him), but worse McLaggen starts showing interest in Hermione.

Essentially, I think Ron dates Hermione and convinces himself he’s attracted to her so that no one else can date Hermione.

He reasons that they fight all the time because they actually like each other. And if they date, nothing actually changes. (And as he becomes increasingly paranoid that Harry himself is into Hermione it all just starts sort of spiraling out of control.)

Basically, I think Ron and Hermione end up together to ensure that everything remains as it was. And it does, because Harry’s relationship with Ginny is practically non-existent (it’s very telling that Ginny does not join them on the horcrux hunt and is essentially left to be murdered or taken hostage by Voldemort).

So What Now?

The future for Hermione and Ron is, not necessarily bleak, but it’s not particularly good and ultimately quite dull.

They still fight constantly, Rose and Hugo watch their mother and father have daily screaming matches with each other over nothing. They assume this is normal and just what parents do.

Hermione’s the overbearing and very accomplished wife and bread winner that Ron secretly resents. They both know he resents her for it, neither says this out loud.

Ron’s laziness caught up with him and he just works in George’s very successful store. Ron doesn’t even really like pranks, George does most of the work, but Ron is too myopic to actually leave and do anything else. Just like all his life, he’s overshadowed by his older brothers, his wife, and his best friend. He is a pit of bitterness that he tries not to let show. His wife certainly knows.

They’re an extremely dysfunctional, bitter, couple who stays together thanks to inertia, expectations, nostalgia, and the desperate desire to keep things the same. Harry obliviously doesn’t notice and whenever the three get together (sans Ginny as she’s not invited) he notes how great it is that their amazing friendship has survived all these years.

They have shitty sex once a week. It’s probably circled on Hermione’s calendar in their bedroom, “Sunday, 9:00pm, Sex with Ron”.

Rinse and repeat for the rest of their lives.

Really Though, I Just Have 0 Interest in the Ship

I can’t tell you why it does but it bores me to tears. It just does. Every single aspect of it. Even the dysfunction is boring.

To quote a friend:

If ships had literal boat counterparts, this would be the dullest kind of ship, it would be a wooden motor boat with no exciting speeds, it just put-put-puts out to fish and then returns to port.

- @therealvinelle

#harry potter #harry potter meta #harry potter headcanon #ron weasley #hermione granger #anti ron weasley #anti hermione granger #anti harry potter #ginny weasley #anti ron/hermione #ron/hermione #harry potter shipping #anti harry/ginny #harry/ginny #meta #headcanon #opinion #vinelle #therealvinelle

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isabellitah · 4 years

Text

🤍 HARGREEVES FAMILY

————————————————-

Title : new normal

Pairing : none- this focuses on Five 🤍

Warning : none

Note : this is based on @klaus-is-the-real-number-1 ’s soft post apocalypse fluff ahh thank you so much for giving me permission to do this ! I love your work alskjdl oh! And you guys can read the HC here 🤍

Also I didn’t know if she/they’d be okay w me adding Number Eight sooo 👀 this contains no Number Eight or reader insert. And- I added my own tweaks to it. I hope you still enjoy tho 🤍

————————————————-

so…

the apocalypse is permanently over

everything-

everything’s… normal

so-

now what?

majority of Five’s life was dedicated in stopping the apocalypse

and now that he accomplished that and lived

he doesn’t know what to do

his siblings can go back to their everyday lives

but him?

he has to start from scratch

he has no formal education

or hobby

or job

i mean-

his whole life was the apocalypse

either that or killing

but neither are on option he wants in his future

so what is he to do?

what’s the new normal for the Hargreeves Siblings?

It was Klaus and Allison’s idea, really. For the entire family to move into their childhood home- permanently. To quote the excuse Allison used, “well we did the impossible with stopping the end of the world- why not make new and happy memories where most of our nightmares occured?” and just like that, the Hargreeves siblings were all under one roof once more.

Now- Five is technically older than every single one of them but does that stop them from treating him like the child he looks like? HA! nO-

But they do respect him because c’mon-

The boy guy is willing to go through puberty twice just to make sure they live a long ass life- of course they’d respect him. Not to mention that as their sibling- they love him- even if they show it in their own odd ways.

As a man that looks like a child, Allison basically mothers him- not really the smothering type of mother but rather the type that makes sure he eats healthily, sleeps enough, and overall just takes care of himself. And Five lets her because he knows that aside from showing she cares, it’s her way of coping that she still isn’t allowed to see her daughter. And let’s be real here- all the Hargreeves siblings long for positive and loving attention aimed towards them so you bet that no matter how much Five grumbles about Allison’s mothering, he secretly loves it- he loves that someone cares enough to look after him- actually show him that he still matters and is still a part of the family.

And another thing- due to the numerous traumas bestowed on him by both being in the apocalypse and in the commission, Five hates sleeping alone. In the apocalypse, he always fell asleep hoping that it was all a nightmare- that when he wakes up it’ll be to the bright morning light streaming into his room from the window. While working for the commission, he fell asleep with thoughts of how to travel back in time to stop the apocalypse- only to wake up due to the nightmares varying from seeing his siblings’ dead bodies or hearing siblings’ blame him for their deaths- that he couldn’t save them. And so, because of the fear that he’ll wake up and everyone will be gone or he’ll be back in the apocalypse or the commission, he developed a habit of sneaking into his any of his siblings’ rooms armed with a blanket and a pillow at night and proceed to sleep on the floor only to disappear minutes before they wake up. This worked well until Luther tripped over him one night and screamed like a lil girl shouted like a man. Luckily Five didn't wake up as it was one of those rare times that he was in a deep sleep. Upon noticing that it was his older younger brother, he lifted Five up and placed him on his bed before turning around to give him space. Not even two steps later, he felt a hand around his wrist before he heard Five mutter, “please don’t leave me alone…”.

Yeah- during breakfast that day, Luther told everyone, much to Five’s dismay but hey- at least Five never sleeps alone again- and he rarely has nightmares nowadays, and when he does- his siblings are there for him to comfort him and remind him that he’s home now and that he's safe with them.

And another thing- after finding out everything Five’s done for the family, you bet that they all became softer and more protective of him. But Diego? Oh Diego went to the next level- he literally became Five’s bodyguard slash guard dog. The man literally barked at some kid when he made fun of Five’s uniform I- the kid ran away crying. Diego looked pleased while Five just facepalmed- but he had a smirk on his face. It was amusing and worrying, to say the least, for passer-bys that day to see a grown man in all black looking like a full-blown assassin barking at a grade schooler.

Next scene- Klaus’ drug problem- they all band together to help him- don’t try to convince me otherwise- this is canon to me. And they struggled with it at first what with Klaus being stubborn but his siblings combined are even more so- but what actually made him start to put in more effort to be clean was when he heard Five mutter that he didn’t want to loose him again. You bet that that night, Klaus cuddled Five in Five’s own room.

Every Thursday night they always make time to all sit down on the floor in front of Vanya who stood in front of the fireplace. No matter how busy their schedule was that day- no matter how tired they are- hearing Vanya playing the violin always eased all their muscles enough to make the, all fall asleep then and there. After about three pieces, Vanya joins in on them- cuddling in between Five and Allison- right at the center of their cuddle pile. Between Allison and Luther is Diego, while Klaus is between Ben and Five. i refuse to have Ben dead fight me

Speaking of Ben- he’s a famous poet now! His most famous book of poetry is, as you guessed it, about his love for his family. And of course it was dedicated to said family. Five was the first one who bought it- Ben didn’t know that Five stayed up late to get the book because let’s be real here- some die hard fans probs stayed up late to try to get the first copy too. It was rumored that the first copy always had a polaroid copy from Ben’s personal album- none of the previous first buyers ever confirmed or denied it nor have they ever shared the picture- it was between them and Ben only. Anyway- when Five got it, it actually had a personal and handwritten note from the author, thanking him for being the first buyer of that book- and the two polaroids attached to it was one of his family, and one of him with Klaus and Five. In the polaroid of him, Klaus, and Ben, Ben was smiling widely at the camera while Klaus and Five jokingly kissed his cheeks. And underneath that polaroid was written, “nice try, Five- I saw the address and immediately knew it was you. Thanks though and I love you -Ben 🤍”

A new development- that everyone loves- is playing with Five’s hair. Even just brushing their hand through it can somehow feel so soothing to the siblings. Five would just be sat in his chair in the kitchens drinking his coffee or on the couch eating the sandwich Allison made him- and someone will just walk past and run their hand through his hair or actually sit next to him on the couch and just play with his hair. They’d never get any complaints. Heck- he once laid his head on Ben’s lap right after finishing his sandwich and whined when Ben teasingly stopped his petting then actually let out a purr when Ben continued the motion of combing his hand through his hair. In conclusion, Five acts like a cat sometimes.

A way to end the week right is to have a slumber party with your siblings. With that said- every Saturday night, to celebrate another successful week finished, they all have a slumber party where they have a movie marathon, pig out on takeaway, snack on various junk foods, and talk about nearly anything and everything under the sun all night long until they all fall sleep in one big pile. If one sibling is unable to make it- you bet that Five would jump to wherever they are so that they won’t miss their weekly slumber party. He’ll just jump them back in the morning if they had a meeting or something important to go to- he prefers them all to be complete under one roof so that he can make sure that they’re all safe.

So-

What is the new normal for the Hargreeves Siblings?

Well- therefore I conclude, that the Hargreeves Siblings turned from a chaotically stressful and dysfunctional family into a chaotically and stressfully loving and somewhat functional family.

And that, is their new normal.

#tua #tua x reader #the umbrella academy #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves

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lastsonlost · 5 years

Text

So I was half-right.

Instead of misogyny it's Nazis because of course it is.

If you spend a lot of time in certain Extremely Online corners of the internet ecosystem, you’ve likely stumbled onto #NoNutNovember, or just #NNN for short. An annual challenge encouraging men to refrain from masturbating (or even, for many, having any sex) for the month, No Nut November was initially created as a parody of internet-borne phenomena such as the Ice Bucket Challenge or Movember, skewering the silliness of viral internet challenges along with the more extreme claims made by proponents of NoFap, an anti-porn subreddit with half a million members. (According to one of the moderators of the NoNutNovember subreddit, /u/yeeval, the subreddit has no connection to NoFap, though the two are often conflated.)

For most participants, the challenge is essentially an excuse to shitpost, as well as tweet memes skewering some of the more exaggerated purported benefits of abstaining from masturbation. But there are many who take it seriously, with at least 52,000 people as of this writing diligently documenting their day-by-day progress (and setbacks) on the subreddit r/NoNutNovember. Per /u/yeeval, “I’d say 90% of the posts are from people actively participating and also there’s the occasional fallen member who stays on the subreddit for the community and laughs.”

On its surface, No Nut November is a fairly innocuous challenge: while it may seem silly to abstain from masturbation for virtually no reason, some of the memes are pretty funny, and a month of abstinence (whether it be from sex or masturbation) certainly isn’t going to kill anyone. u/yeeval says the goal isn’t to demonize porn or masturbation per se, but to prompt men to examine their own masturbation habits and whether or not they’re healthy. “In my opinion, most originally participate in NNN for the meme aspect of the challenge but as the days go on people begin to see how big their porn or masturbation dependency is,” he says.

"Neither of those things are bad or immoral in themselves but just like any outlet can become excessive in times of depression and loneliness.” Yet it would be naive to ignore that there’s significant overlap between the general anti-porn ideology behind NoFap — and, to a degree, No Nut November — and that of the far right, which has increasingly coopted the movement. (NoFap’s website states that, with the exception of a small number of users who may abstain for religious or moral reasons, they do not have an anti-masturbation stance.)

Because the challenge is associated with abstaining from porn, some people associated with the movement have taken the extra step of harassing adult performers on social media, giving it an additional layer of troubling implications. “In the past [No Nut November] has always been like, ‘Oh, look at this ridiculous thing some people are participating in,'” says adult performer and director Casey Calvert. “This year, people [in the industry] are talking about, ‘Oh, actually this is connected to the far right and maybe we shouldn’t just be saying hahaha, No Nut November.'”

A new meme brings these implications into sharp relief. Coomer is a reference to a meme of an unkempt, skeezy-looking bearded man in a white tank top with vaguely Semitic features, accompanied by descriptive text like “doesn’t even know anything about politics,” “extremely aesthetic right arm (huge muscle),” and “has never heard of NoFap"

It’s been circulating on 4chan for the past year, but Alex Hawkins, the vice president of the porn tube site xHamster, says he started seeing it in the replies on his company’s Twitter feed back in September, when presidential candidate Andrew Yang tweeted about limiting access to pornography. At first, “we didn’t really know what it meant and thought it was funny,” he tells Rolling Stone. Then, in late October, the coomer resurfaced thanks to a Twitter campaign led by a user named TeapotLad, in which users vowed to change their avatars to the coomer should they fail No Nut November. PewDiePie shouted out the campaign in a recent YouTube video, as did far-right YouTuber Paul Joseph Watson, who is perhaps best known for being one of the many extremist figures, including Milo Yiannopolous and Alex Jones, to be banned from Facebook. “No Nut November and the Coomer meme represent a deeper meaning,” he said in a tweet. “Porn is evil. It literally re-wires your brain and causes erectile dysfunction. Take the pledge. Don’t be a Coomer.”

The term has also been used in the context of “OK coomer,” a play on the “OK boomer” meme, in response to tweets critical of No Nut November or masturbation abstinence in general. “It’s positioned as this epic battle between the weak beta masturbators and the strong, alpha NoFappers,” says Hawkins.

Like most memes, “coomer” carries with it more than a tinge of irony, and it’s not always easy to determine whether it’s being used flippantly or to actually deride men who masturbate. But the implication is clear: masturbating is an urge that should be resisted at all costs. David Ley, PhD, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist who studies pornography and mental health, saw the meme after he tweeted his criticism of No Nut November, referring to it as “a creepy little smorgasbord of insecurity-driven hate with anti-Semitism, misogyny, and homophobia all rolled up in one,” he tells Rolling Stone. (Ley has partnered with the cam website Stripchat to do AMAs about sexual health, and plans to appear in one debunking some of the myths associated with No Nut November.)

The idea that there are significant health benefits from abstaining from masturbation is partially based on the (primarily internet-propagated) theory that semen retention is linked to an increase in testosterone and male virility, an idea that has been widely debunked. For the most part, however, the idea that masturbation is somehow feminizing is “rooted in extremely antiquated ideas of masculinity,” many of which are also promoted by far-right groups, says Ley. The Proud Boys, for instance, a far-right extremist group known for its propensity toward violence, has long advocated for its members to abstain from masturbation on the grounds that it boosts testosterone and makes them more appealing to women; indeed, founder Gavin McInnes gave a shoutout to NoFap in a 2015 article for the far-right publication Taki’s Magazine. (The organizers of NoFap have strongly refuted any connection to the Proud Boys.)

An even more extremist version of this far-right anti-masturbation philosophy has been promoted by David Duke, the former head of the Ku Klux Klan, who has propagated the conspiracy theory that Jews dominate the porn industry and use pornography as a way to control white men. On far-right threads on the encrypted messaging app Telegram, this sentiment is fairly widespread. “Jews not only control most of the pornography industry, they also rely on the goyim to maintain a routine of ejaculation in order to stay docile and non-violent,” one comment reads. Another shared a viral Pornhub tweet poking fun at viewers who’d failed No Nut November, writing, “the Jew mocks you as they poison the minds of millions.” (Pornhub is owned by the Canadian company MindGeek, the CEO of which, Feras Antoon, does not appear to be Jewish, even though there are numerous 4chan /pol/ threads speculating as such.)

This anti -Semitism is also often accompanied by healthy doses of homophobia and racism as well: on these threads, you’ll frequently see users deriding men who masturbate to heterosexual porn, on the grounds that being aroused by another man’s penis makes you gay (even if said penis is depicted going into a vagina). And because mainstream porn often features white women paired with black men, there’s also a virulently racist element to much of this discourse, such as the suggestion that interracial porn is intended to steer white women away from procreating with white men and toward men of color.

The irony of this strain of the anti-masturbation movement is that, while it’s ostensibly intended to fight the larger porn industry’s attempts to brainwash and emasculate white men, anti-masturbation ideology has historically been used as a tool by fascist figures to gain social control. Cultural stigma associated with masturbation, combined with the fact that pretty much everyone masturbates, invariably leads to a lot of men “developing a lot of internal shame,” says Ley. “And that makes them open to manipulation and social control.” As an example, he cited the National Socialist Party in 1930s Germany, which strongly discouraged Hitler Youth members from engaging in masturbation. Because anti-porn and anti-masturbation movements tend to be comprised of young heterosexual males, they could potentially be viewed by some on the far right as ideal recruitment grounds. The fact that something like No Nut November appears to be a joke on its face “appears to serve as this interesting front door recruiting kind of strategy to bring folks into this deeper, much more insidious and shaming movement,” says Ley.

Of course, it goes without saying that not everyone who participates in No Nut November or NoFap is a white supremacist or religious fundamentalist, and that the founders of these groups explicitly reject any suggestions of overlap between the two communities. u/yeeval says he has seen no hint of any anti-Semitic or misogynistic commentary on the subreddit, chalking any suggestions of Jewish porn conspiracy theories to “someone trying to make a bad / overtly offensive joke.” “NoNutNovember isn’t a political movement. We are not anti-porn. We are not anti-woman. We are not anti-masturbation or anti-sex,” he says. “In its most simple form NoNutNovember just a fun internet challenge that has grown in popularity due to many memes that circulate the internet…However, I also think that the reason that it has become so widespread is that it has given many the opportunity to look within themselves and realize that they might be relying on masturbation and porn for comfort.”

The coomer meme is also, at least inherently, apolitical, says Alice Vaughn, host of Two Girls One Mic, a podcast about porn tropes. “The concept surrounding ‘Coomer’ is neither right nor left politically. The urge to shame those with higher sex drives is nothing new, and is a subject many are uncomfortable with, especially adolescents (which is predominately 4Chan’s user base),” she says. But the rise of “coomer,” with its distinctly conservative implications about male sexuality, would seem to refute that the anti-masturbation movement is totally innocent or entirely intended in jest. The fact that it’s often used in the context of “OK coomer,” a play on a meme intended to skewer boomers’ criticism of Gen Z, also indicates that this is primarily a youth-driven phenomenon. When you consider how younger generations have typically adopted a more healthy, progressive view of sexuality than previous ones, this doesn’t make a lot of intuitive sense — but it actually tracks with current data, which indicates that younger generations are having less sex, Ley says.

Usually, this phenomenon is attributed to male millennials and zoomers (members of Gen Z) spending more time watching porn, and to an extent this may be true; when it comes to determining the effects of pornography viewing on male sex lives, research is somewhat mixed. But it’s also just as likely that sociocultural factors like economic unrest and fear-mongering abstinence-only education have also played a role in these declining sexual activity rates. “We’ve spent decades telling these young kids be afraid of sex, and that only hereto monogamous sex is OK and moral,” says Ley. “Now all of a sudden they are really conflicted about sex and their own sexuality.”

That said, there’s also an awful lot of men who are not participating in No Nut November in earnest, and many more who aren’t participating at all. In an email to Rolling Stone, Pornhub vice president Corey Price said that traffic is virtually unaffected by No Nut November, and few of the adult performers Rolling Stone spoke with said that they hadn’t seen their engagement go down considerably during the month either. Considering that annual Pornhub traffic numbers are in the tens of billions, if there is indeed a wider porn conspiracy to sap men of their virility, that conspiracy appears to be working pretty well. But for those who are participating in the challenge, and may have stumbled along the way, Calvert has a comforting message: “I personally think No Nut November is very silly,” she says. “Not masturbating for a month does not make you a better man or a stronger man.”

............

Let me see if I got this straight.

Porn is evil

And not fapping makes you a racist homophobic Nazi

Did I... Did I fucking miss something?

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 4 years

Note

For the dysfunctional pairing prompt: Dick/Kory?

s2!AU - SPOILERS until 2.11

“You’re good with the kids,” Kory tells Dick. It’s an absurd thing to say when one of those kids is beaten half to death, another is strutting around in a spandex costume like it’s his second skin and yet another… vanquished an interdimensional demon like it was nothing, but they’re all laughing, and Dick looks lighter than Kory has ever seen him.

Dick looks about as bemused as she feels. “You think?”

She smiles. “I do.”

“You’re pretty good with them, too.” He hesitates, then tilts his head at the car. “You know, this model seats five…”

Oh. Oh, no. She has only just come back to herself; there are so many decisions she has to make and so much to think about. Still, she’s curious about the light that’s animating Dick, about what it would feel like to cruise down stark and beautiful landscapes while knowing exactly who she is and where she is coming from and nothing about where she’s going. Only for a little while.

Just for–

“I’m in,” Kory says, and relishes the huge, delighted grin that breaks over Dick’s face.

When Jason falls from the balcony, Kory’s first instinct is to dive right after him. She hasn’t tried flying in so long–not since leaving Tamaran–but the way her power coils around her, lifting her, is so familiar that she lets conscious thought go and let it take her where–

“KORY, NO!”

A desperate grip on her hand jerks her out of the moment. She hangs, swaying, from Dick’s hands even as Jason plummets to his death.

“What have you done?!” she screams at Dick. He has nothing to say, but she sees the answer in his eyes: he has made his choice, and it is going to haunt them for the rest of their lives.

10.

After the whole truth has been told, punches thrown, and the dust settled, Dick and Kory are the only ones left in the room. The silence is absolute, like a crypt–and Dick looks like he might belong in one, pale, stooped, blood pouring down his face. Kory, for her part, sits curled on a couch, her phone in one white-knuckled hand, staring past Dick. He grabs a towel and presses it to his gushing nose.

A few moments pass before Dick ventures, “Kory, what’s wrong?”

There’s a picture of Faddei’s corpse on her phone, the name Blackfire burned into his skin in Tamaranean. Kory feels… brittle, anxiety and regret buzzing under skin that feels like paper. “There’s nothing you can do,” Kory tells Dick, and the words unstick themselves from her throat with visible effort. “You need to be here.”

“Please.” Dick’s face crumples with the kind of emotion he’d dared not show the others. “Please, let me help you.”

“Dick, I–”

“We’re in this together, right?” He takes her hands in his. “Whatever this is, you don’t have to deal with it alone.”

His touch is so very cold, but Kory doesn’t let go.

The first few months at the tower are wonderful.

Kory goes out as frequently as she can, soaking in the sights and sounds of a bustling city. She drags the others out with her often–riding roughshod over Dick’s protests. Rachel and Gar seem delighted that they are together, in peace, and with purpose; and although Jason is wary at first, he warms up to her soon enough.

At night, after the others have gone to sleep, Kory joins Dick in bed. There is a reverence to the way he touches her that turns boisterous without warning, which she finds delightful. Honestly, all of this is more than Kory could ask for.

(and if she finds Dick lying awake in bed well into early morning, or hears Rachel scream into her pillow, or sees Gar unable to look either of them in the eyes for more than a few minutes at a time, or runs into Jason nursing bruised knuckles in the training room in the dead of the night… well. They’re here to work through all of their problems together, and that’s exactly what they’re going to do.)

The devastation and betrayal in Jason’s voice is palpable when they confront him. Kory knows she should intervene, that without Dick there she needs to take control before things spiral further, but she stares at the pieces of her sawar bracelet in her hand and thinks for a single, vicious, shameful moment: Good.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having trouble with your powers before?”

Rachel’s huddled under a table in the control room, and flinches at the sound of Kory’s voice. “What’s the point,” she says. “I just killed Rose. Maybe I’m just born bad, Kory, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it now.”

Kory crouches in front of her and tentatively reaches out to touch her thigh. “You know that’s not true,” she says. “Me and Dick, we believe–”

“Please don’t tell Dick!” Rachel says suddenly, eyes wide, clutching Kory’s hand with both of hers. “Please, Kory–it’s why I didn’t say anything earlier. He can’t know.”

“He can help you, Rachel. All of us can.”

“He’ll only think he’s failed me, somehow. And then–” Rachel’s voice drops to a whisper, “he’ll leave. Again.”

Kory thinks of how wound up Dick has been since Deathstroke returned; how he flinches and mutters at thin air and refuses to tell her why. She thinks of his haphazard battle plans, and the reckless glint in his eye as he discussed how to rescue Jason from Deathstroke.

“Okay,” she sighs. “I won’t tell him.”

12.

“And worst of all, the idiot goes and gets himself arrested so he can feel better about his guilt.” She takes a healthy swig of her wine. “And I’m stuck. Lost–literally!–in space and time. We were supposed to help each other find ourselves, yet all we’ve managed to do is get lost even further.”

Her one night stand removes his briefs from around his neck and slips into them with no small measure of disappointment. “Seems to me,” he says, “that neither of you were particularly ready to enter into a relationship.”

She considers him critically over the rim of her glass. “Why, are you some kind of expert?”

“I am a psychiatrist,” he says mildly, brushing glitter off his pecs.

“Of course you are,” Kory mutters, rolling her eyes, and finishes the rest of her wine in one final swig.

Faddei keeps calling.

It’s not that Kory isn’t aware that she has responsibilities on Tamaran, or what would happen to Faddei if she didn’t return to him. It’s just–she has an obligation to the people here, and with Rose’s arrival, Deathstroke’s return, the older Titans coming back, she’s been putting out fires left and right. Dick stops sleeping altogether, pacing the hall in the middle of the night, muttering to himself. Kory can’t possibly leave things the way they are.

Tamaran can wait.

Dick stays long enough on the roof after a red-eyed Jason returns to the tower for Kory to get worried. He doesn’t react when she moves to sit beside him; only continues to stare out into the city, a kind of invisible weight stooping his shoulders. His arms are shaking, and Kory tenses, ready.

“I’m sorry,” Dick says at last. “None of this is fair to you.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

“All of this.” He gestures at the tower below him vaguely. “Kinda dragged you into the middle of a giant clusterfuck that was my fault. Figured the least I could do is apologise.”

“I’m here by choice,” Kory says. “And we’re going to get through this together.”

“Yeah,” Dick says, faintly.

“It’s wonderful that you two are together,” Dawn says. “Dick can be a difficult person to get close to, though.”

Kory frowns puzzled. “Sexually he’s both quite active and enthusiastic–”

Hank chokes on his lunch while Dawn smacks his back. “No I meant he’s a closed book emotionally. It’s just the way he was raised, I guess.”

Kory thinks of the warmth in his eyes and his smile when he thinks nobody is looking. “Yeah,” she says. “I guess.”

11.

Dick drives them to Nevada after they discover that every means of transportation that Kory had to her home planet has been destroyed for good, then disappears.

Kory leaves him a voice message and doesn’t bother to look.

Saving Conner with her powers is the most Kory has felt like herself since Trigon was defeated.

It’s a startling thought, and she doesn’t know what to make of it.

13.

“I see Dick dying,” Rachel says, her eyes wide and very white. “Please, Kory, he needs us.”

Kory breathes in the dust kicked up by Dawn’s car. “I know,” she says. “Let’s go get him together.”

( Give me a pairing and I’ll write you a way it could be spectacularly dysfunctional! )

#thank you anon!!#titans #my fic #dick grayson #koriand'r #a byronic cupcake #badass strawberry truffle #anon ask #dickkory #ugh this really spun out of control and took me aeons to finish

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theonewiththefanfics · 6 years

Text

Let Me Carry Your Burden (one-shot)

Synopsys: The Reader has just come back after being away for almost half a year on a mission. To her surprise (and delight) there is a new addition to the team- Loki. As the two get to know one another, they grow closer and closer until one day past comes knocking at the Reader’s door, making her choose between love and revenge.

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Genre: fluff/ angst

Word count: 5238

Loki Laufeyson had been living with the Avengers in the New York tower for around three months now. He had somewhat redeemed himself as the God had been a key part in defeating Thanos and reversing the effects of what had now become known as Infinity War. Of course, there was the majority who didn’t trust him, yet slowly, gradually the society started to warm up to the idea of him staying on Earth and being a part of their mightiest heroes. But the glint of mischief never vanished from his eyes. Right now, as the morning sun washed the city in yellows and pinks, the people who had become his little dysfunctional family started to pile into the kitchen. “Good morning, Natasha,” he said as his blue eyes scanned the pages of a Midgardian novel. Her only response was a tired grunt, but that was to be expected from most of them, as they had only just returned from a mission he himself had decided to stay out of, in favour of training with Wanda. Yes, she was incredibly powerful, but he had centuries of experience with magic and in the last mission Scarlet Witch had gone on, things had not ended the way they were supposed to. The smell of bitter coffee filled the air and he joined the ex-assassin pouring a cup himself. “That bad?” Loki questioned as he took a sip of the hot liquid. “Bucky and Sam wouldn’t stop bickering all the way back. I can usually tune those two children out quite well, but this time… it was like all the sounds were amplified up to the thousands. I threatened to set their beds on fire at night if they didn’t stop,” she looked at Loki,“not even that worked.” The Trickster was just about to offer a revenge plan, to play some jokes on the pair, but the noise of shuffling feet invaded the room. Or three pairs of them. Clint was dragging behind Cap and Tony, who looked practically dead. “I’m putting your kids up for adoption,” Nat stated.

“I only have one and I know Pete may be annoying sometimes, but no one’s touching my child,” Tony replied propping himself up next to Nat. “No, not him. I like having another spider in the family. I’m talking about your husband’s.” Steve sighed, hugging the Widow from behind. “ ‘M sorry, but it’s not my fault those two were acting like idiots.” He kissed her shoulder and went to make some oatmeal. “Still blaming you.” The captain could only chuckle as they all fell into a comfortable silence. Clint had fallen asleep on the counter and was drooling all over while Steve, having made his breakfast leaned his cheek on Nat’s shoulder, who hugged his side. Tony softly interrupted the early morning silence. “How is Wanda?” Loki cupped the coffee mug as he leaned against the counter. “She’s doing alright. Yesterday we did some mental exercises, so it is no surprise the Witch is still asleep. But she seems to be getting better.” “I’ll talk to her a bit later,” Steve chimed in and then groaned in pleasure as Natasha’s nails scraped his skull. “Maybe we could call up Pietro and allow them to talk. I don’t think they’ve been able to communicate since he took up that miss-“ “Guys, guys, guys!” Peter Parker’s voice suddenly jarred the people sitting in the kitchen, startling everyone so much Hawkeye fell off the chair. “You’ll never believe who I just found!” He was in his Spidey suit pulling the mask off while running from Tony’s landing strip into the living room. “Kid, it’s way too early for your level of excitement,” Stark replied looking down at the newspaper. “Not when you say ‘hi’ to this person.” Everyone’s eyes went to the woman standing behind the very happy teen. “Morning, everyone.” Her tone was soft as if speaking any louder would be a crime at 5 AM, but the cheers and yelps that escaped from the Avengers, one louder than the other, made it seem so out of place. “When did you get back?” Nat cupped her cheeks looking her friend over from top to bottom searching for any wounds or scrapes, “I thought the mission was going to last five more months. Oh, never mind. I’m just so fucking happy to have you back.” She had a death grip on the girl, but strong arms were peeling her away. “Mine, mine, mine,” Steve enveloped her in a giant hug, lifting her off the ground. “Please, don’t ever leave us ever again. Bucky was becoming insufferable.” The Y/H/C haired beauty chuckled and returned the hug just as tightly. “Not planning to. For at least a good while now. Not without at least one of you.” Loki was standing to the side watching the interactions. He didn’t know who she was, but his heart leapt at the thought that he would have the possibility to get to know her. How someone could enthral a person so instantly was beyond him, but he would be damned if he didn’t do his best to discover who she was. When Tony and Clint finally got to hug her as well, Loki stepped forward. “I don’t think we have met.” “Neither do I.” She extended a hand. “My name is Y/N.” “It’s an honour to meet you. I’m Loki.” A spark of recognition went through her eyes and it made him a bit uneasy. Who knows what kind of perception she would have of the man. “Oh, I think Thor has mentioned you before. You’re brothers, right? God of Mischief?” “Indeed.” “Huh…” she seemed like she was pondering over something before a wicked smile split her face as Y/N turned to look at her teammates. “I’m gonna have so much fun pranking you all, now that I have the expert in the house.” “Y/N, no, please, we talke-“ but Steve’s pleading was cut short by a high pitched squeal of delight. “Doll!” In an instant, she was taken down by 200 pounds of muscle and dishevelled brown hair, a bionic vibranium arm softening their fall. “When did you come back?” the question was muffled as Bucky hid his face in the crook of her neck. “Ten minutes ago. Peter saw me waking on the street and offered a lift. Literally. Like he swung us up here.” “And you didn’t come to my room first because?” There was an adorable pout on the super soldier’s face, making Y/N poke his bottom lip. “Blame everyone else. I couldn’t get out of the hug zone.” “Assholes,” Bucky mumbled, “not waking me up and telling me my best friend is here.” Steve gasped in fake horror. “Buck, I thought we had something.” “I’d take Y/N over any of you all day any day..” That made the girl shake with laughter as Bucky stood up and Y/N took the hands he was offering to help her off the ground. “You don’t have to be mean.” “Sorry, but you took all the nice with you when you left for half a year.” “Yes, well I’m back. Half a year early, might I add,” she poked his side and the ex-assassin couldn’t contain the grin. “We have a lot of shows to catch up on,” swinging an arm around the woman’s shoulders he led Y/N into the kitchen and set off to make her breakfast. “Heard ‘The Good Place’ has a new season. If you’ve watched even a single episode without me, I will strangle you in your sleep, Barnes,” she softly smiled as Natasha put a steaming cup of coffee in front of her. Bucky flipped a pancake and threw her a smirk. “Wouldn’t dream of it, doll.” Loki had slipped next to Y/N, sitting down on one of the long barstool chairs and placing the book on the counter. He was completely fascinated by the new woman and couldn’t help the want to be near her. “Oh my god,” the Y/E/C eyes which Loki had already fallen for were glued to the piece of literature. “Les Thanatonautes. That is one of my favourites!” Her irises glimmered in the early morning sun, allowing the god to observe tiny gold speckles shine through. Loki heard Tony groan from his other side and threw him a dirty glance, that had the underlying meaning of ‘how can you disrespect anything this beauty loves’. “Is that the one about the dead people?” the genius asked. “No,” Y/N stuck her tongue out at him. “Well, yes, but no. It’s about discovering the content of death.” Her attention turned back to Loki, eyes blazing with interest so much so it took the god’s breath away. “How are you liking it so far?” For a second there he was at a loss for words, which Thor, who had just entered the room, noticed and it made the other Asgardian chuckle, bringing Loki back to the present. “It’s… interesting. Even though we know what happens after death, the idea of this is fascinating.” “Well, you do. Us, normal mortals don’t,” Y/N shrugged, “it’s the last mystery everybody has to discover for themselves. And let’s just say- no one has ever come back to tell about it.” Muffled groans came from all across the room and Tony almost slammed his head against the marble counter, making the girl huff a laugh. “Why do you have to be so morbid all the time?” Natasha huffed, but a small smile was playing on her pink lips. “Oh you, drama queens,” Y/N jovially said while stepping off of the stool, “get your coffees in your systems while I go put my stuff away. Then we can just be lazy and watch movies all day.” “Paperwork,” Tony grumbled outright as the God of Thunder made his presence known. “Lady Y/N!” he exclaimed going over to the girl and sweeping her up in a hug. “It’s a pleasure to have you back. How was your mission?” “Good, Thor, good,” she patted his bicep and quietly thanked Bucky as he set a plate of fluffy pancakes before her. “Not as fun as it would’ve been with you there, but it was fine.” He nodded before looking over to Loki who had been uncharacteristically friendly. “Have you met my brother?” “Yeah,” Y/N nodded, giving the raven-haired man a minute smile. “We just did.” The look Loki gave the girl didn’t go unnoticed by Thor and a realisation went through his body as his brother’s interest remained solely on the stranger. “Lady Y/N, how would you feel about a sparring session? To get back into the routine of fighting opponents worthy of you?” Thor suggested, a hand on his hip while eyeing Loki and his reaction. “It’s five in the morning, Point Break,” Tony snickered, “give the girl a break. She’s been fighting bad guys non-stop for almost half a year.” Y/N pointed a finger at the Thunder God. “Tony’s sorta got a point, but I’ll take the challenge. You and me, twenty minutes, the gym.” Thor leaned in, their noses almost touching. “Get ready to go down Y/L/N.” “You wish.”

***

“My soul has left my body. Everything is turning dark. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Burn me like the ancient traditions demand and scatter my ashes over the ocean so I can become one with nature as we used to be.” Thor chuckled extending an arm for Y/N to grab. "It was not that bad Lady Y/N,” he easily pulled the girl up from the ground, as if she weighed nothing. “Dude you just body slammed me onto the ground. I think you broke a rib or two,” she rubbed across her torso and winced, “scratch that- you pulverised them.” “You big oaf!” there was an angry yell from the other side of the gym. Y/N’s head snapped to where the sound came from and to her own surprise just as much as Thor’s it was Loki. “Do you not realise not everybody is as strong as you or has metal armour? You could’ve hurt her!” “Brother, I would never harm Lady Y/N. I know how much she is capable of,” Thor interjected, but there was a gleam in his eyes when he saw true concern flash over the trickster’s face. Suddenly Loki felt a palm resting against his shoulder and when green eyes turned to the side it was Y/N’s warm touch that had brought him back from seeing nothing but red. “Hey, I’m okay. Thor got a bit too intense, but it’s nothing I can’t take.” And that’s when he knew- Loki was deeply in love with this girl after having spent less than a day in her presence. He was fucked. His green eyes could only see how her mouth moved, not hearing the actual words. It was only after she left and Thor had come to stand next to his brother, a smirk very much so present on his face, did the raven-haired man snap out of it. “You like her, don’t you?” “Shut it, brother,” Loki said, exiting the room, but he couldn’t deny the warm feeling that spread throughout his body.

***

A knock on the door woke Y/N up from her peaceful slumber. She hadn’t slept in her own bed for what felt like a decade, so the fact that someone was rudely interrupting her irritated the girl to no end. Her sore muscles from the sparring match with Thor didn’t help either. And seeing how it was probably their dear Captain America, already pulling her back into the routine of waking up at six and going for a two-hour run, didn’t better her mood. With a deep sigh, she untangled herself from the cocoon of blankets and sauntered over to the door. “Steve, I love you, but I swear to everything you hold dear, I’ll punch you back to the 40’s- oh” Y/N stopped her rambling as she saw that it wasn’t Steve waking her up in the unholy morning hours, but Loki with a steaming cup of coffee and a plate full of food. “Not Steve, darling. And I’m sorry for waking you, but you didn’t attend dinner, nor breakfast, so I thought you might want some lunch.” “Lunch?” Y/N furrowed her brows in confusion. “It’s 2:43... PM” she read the clock. “Is it the next day already?” “Have you truly been sleeping all this time?” The girl threw him a defensive look. “Try going out on a mission with constant danger on your toes and then have a God, might I add, pummel you into the ground.” Loki smiled, setting down a tray that had what looked like a slice of freshly cooked lasagna on her mantelpiece. Just the sight of familiar and home-made food made the girl’s stomach rumble and mouth water. “To be fair, you did accept his offer," he rebuffed the statement. “To be fair,” she mocked him, but there was no malice in her words, “I never say no to a challenge. Also, it was a very bad idea from my part because everything hurts and I should not have been that cocky. But oh well. At least I came out of it alive.” The trickster's smirk widened, eyes fluttering to the ground. “I could help. With the pain that is. I know some healing magic and it would alleviate the soreness. “ “That is very kind of you,” Y/N pulled on the hood of the hoodie she had snatched from Bucky before a long yawn escaped the girl. “But I think I’m just gonna sleep it off for now. Maybe it will serve me as a lesson. God knows I don’t take advice. But thank you for the food. I haven’t had a normal meal in what seems like forever.” “Well, then I expect to see you at dinner.” “You can count on that,” Y/N grabbed the plate and stuffed a piece of what she referred to as 'pasta cake' in her mouth. “Better yet, I’m making it, so I expect you,” she pointed a fork at him, “to be there.” He saw her plop down onto her bed and flick on the TV which Loki took as his cue to leave, a permanent grin present on his face.

***

A few hours later, the trickster made his way towards the living quarters when he saw Y/N’s back turned to him, her hips swaying to the soft music that played throughout the house as a sauce sizzled in a pot while the smell of boiling pasta invaded his nose. “No,” the little word made Loki stop dead in his tracks, the girl having not even turned her face to look at him. “You cannot come in here.” The god put up his hands in mock surrender. “And why is that? As an honorary member of this team, I can quite confidently say that this is my kitchen as well.” “Because I heard you today while I was getting ready to spar with Thor, refer to knives as 'sharp pointy things'.” Y/N’s face was split by a smirk as she directed her look at Loki. “So I ain’t letting you anywhere near the 'sharp pointy things' nor the 'hot orange waves'.” For the first time in what seemed like centuries the trickster laughed. A real, pure full-hearted laugh. It seeped into his bones making his insides feel warm and fuzzy, happiness ebbing out of every pore and consuming his mind. Y/N glanced over at Loki, seeing how his green eyes had gotten soft, and it made her shiver under his gaze. It was almost like he was caressing her skin with just a look and the girl hadn’t experienced such strong attraction to someone in a very long time. She cleared her throat returning back to cutting up the onions. "But uh, if you want you can help me with the pasta. It just needs to have salt added to the water.” Loki went over to the counter, his palm reaching for the little container when he couldn’t help himself and glanced at the girl. His eyes traced her profile, how little hairs stood unruly from the uniform of her eyebrows to where her cupid’s bow dipped and her lips plumped up. He was being insane, that much the god knew, but it was like his arms had a mind of their own when they cupped Y/N’s cheek. Confusion washed over the girl’s face when a cold palm settled on her skin, but it was when their eyes met, all the wind got knocked out of her. Loki’s green orbs were almost non-existent as his pupils had dilated so much. Slowly, tentatively she felt him move closer, noses brushing before freezing lips settled on her own. But contrary to what Y/N though her reaction would be, her whole body moulded to his, mouth parting to allow his tongue to sweep in and engage in a passionate dance. Her own boldness surprised the girl, even more, when she bit down onto Loki’s now kiss-swollen lips and dragged the bottom one between her teeth. The groan that escaped from him was borderline pornographic and Y/N felt instantly hot all over. “You know, I have never kissed anyone who, while reciprocating as you seemed to be, would not touch me,” Loki breathed, noting how while she was completely pressed against him, chest to chest, hips to hips, her arms were almost resting on his pectoral muscles, if not for the palms which were bent as far from the man as possible. “Then you clearly haven’t kissed anyone whose fingers sink of onions.” The god could only smile before leaning in for another kiss.

***

And their relationship blossomed from then on. People all around them noticed an incredible shift in their attitudes, mostly Loki’s. He was softer, more gentle and forgiving. Obviously being the God of Mischief and Lies he was going to retain the fun and snarky side of his persona, but around Y/N he never took it as far as he used to. She and her happiness always came first. Their time spent together was filled with hushed giggles and the feeling of content. Usually, they just curled up side by side and watched a movie or a show, Y/N trying to help the trickster catch up on what was trendy and beloved in the mortal world. Or they would listen to music from different time periods, with steaming cups of tea clutched between their palms, small conversations fluttering through the air. One time Thor walked in on them while in the living room. Y/N was fast asleep, head hidden in the crook of Loki’s neck as ‘Magnificent’ by Hurts played in the background. “You love her, don’t you?” Thor spoke quietly, but still, he had startled his brother who had lost himself while examining every little freckle and tiny scar on the girl’s face, while her soft snores reverberated in his chest. There was no point in lying because it had become so obvious a blind person could see it. “I didn’t think I was capable of love. But she proved me wrong,” a pale slender finger traced her cheekbone. “And I have never been happier to have someone show me how incorrect I was.” But then one day things changed. After returning from a small reconnaissance mission, Y/N got distant, her smile didn’t reach her eyes anymore and any time Loki proposed to have a what mortals called ‘date night’ she declined, saying there was paperwork to do or that she was simply tired. But then came a moment that broke the trickster completely. She disappeared in the dead of night leaving Loki’s bed perpetually cold. Not that he should’ve minded, with frost giant’s blood rushing through his veins he was used to the freezing sheets. But there was something about how he used to be able to just reach over and find her warmth, feel his fingers curl around the soft skin of her stomach and pull the girl closer to his own. He used to feel her shudder from the sudden intrusion until she would literally melt against him, moulding every atom to his. And now all of that was gone. There was no explanation, she didn’t leave any behind. Only a note with seven words- ‘I’m sorry. It had to be done.’ Those words have been haunting him for two months now. At first, it was terror that flushed through his veins. He knew how damaged Y/N truly was, how incredibly hard she had fought for a place in the world. Her own father had sold Y/N for less than a dime to HYDRA just so he could have enough for the next dose. Loki himself was an expert in daddy-issues, but what he wasn’t an expert in was how to deal with the trauma after such events. He didn’t know how to ease the pain the girl still went through. Fear was his first reaction because there had been a time where she had been gravely injured in a mission. But instead of being grateful of the chance she had been granted while cracking a joke like she used to, Y/N had just blankly looked at Loki and said that she would’ve been better off left for dead. That was the moment the god had known he would do anything to make the girl smile, to vanquish those dark thoughts, to make the sun appear behind the black clouds. And for two years he was able to. They grew closer, not only physically but mentally as well. Y/N opened up to him, spending nights crying her heart out on his cold shoulder. Loki’s fingers had woven through the Y/H/C locks and gently he would whisper sweet nothings into her ear, his voice would lull the woman to sleep until her body safely rested in his touch. Disbelief froze his veins next when his mind truly grasped onto the fact that Y/N had left. For a while, he just thought it was a sick joke, a prank by someone from the team who still despised the trickster, but when he saw Steve’s fallen face, the dark circles underneath Bucky’s eyes and Peter’s hollow gaze, Loki knew it had been her decision to leave and leave undetected. Even FRIDAY couldn’t tell what had happened nor could she track the girl as it seemed every piece of evidence, that Y/N had ever existed was wiped out of the universe. Anger came next. For two months now he had been seething, utilising Tony’s new gym equipment to shred it with knives and his powers of ice. He scolded himself for being so stupid, so idiotic. How could he have allowed to give away his heart like that? Of course, she wouldn’t have loved him. Not for real. His fingers skimmed the empty black satin sheets as his mind veered. With a huff, Loki got out of bed and padded to the kitchen. He was just about to go and find himself a glass to pour water in when a stranger’s form caught his eye right by the giant windows by Tony’s landing strip The silhouette overlooked the New York city skyline. The person wore black jeans, a leather jacket and white converse. So simple, so common, but unique for it was without a doubt Y/N’s form by the window. “Y/N?” he didn’t think he would ever get to see the woman again, so the little name was more an exclamation of surprise than a question. She turned around, obviously not having intended that anybody would know she had been here. “FRIDAY told me all of you were asleep, that you just came back from a mission.” “The Avengers did. I haven’t gone on a mission since you left.” “Oh,” her voice was small, shame and guilt clearly written across her features. “Why did you leave?” Loki’s question startled her. Y/N had expected yelling, screaming, not the calmness of his temper and that terrified her more than anything. “You didn’t give me anything and that little piece of paper you left is not the explanation I deserve.” “Y- you’re right,” the girl hung her head as if looking at the ground would give her the answers she so desperately searched for. Then she took a deep sigh and glanced back at the tall man standing a few feet away. “Honestly, I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about my dad or anything HYDRA did to me in years, I hadn’t given them a second of my time, because in truth- I thought I was over it. I had left it all behind, focusing on being an Avenger and doing good by the world. But then you came into my life. You made me feel safe, loved, you,” Y/N chuckled, wringing her fingers together, “you made me feel like I could have a future. A normal one. That maybe one day we could start a family and have a home. I was in heaven. But when I went on that mission, the last one before I left, I met somebody I never thought I would. It- uh- it was one of the scientists who experimented on me, the one who helped to ruin my childhood. He said something, that just… I didn’t know how to deal with…” Loki was cautiously moving closer to the woman, treading the waters carefully. “What did he say?” He heard her sniffle and wanted to reach out, to pull Y/N into his chest, but restrained himself. She turned her head to the side, Y/E/C orbs overlooking New York’s twinkling lights. “That my dad was alive and now… fully working for them. Working to get me back. That he knew about the Avengers, but most importantly he knew about me and you, about our relationship. I couldn’t let him destroy everything I had worked for, everything I had tried to build. So… I took revenge over simply telling someone, telling you what was going on. I tracked him down and for the past two months, I was on a hunt. And now I’m back.” Loki cleared his throat. “Why are you here?” “Because I love you and I was hoping we could start again,” he could hear the crack in Y/N’s voice even though she tried to mask it, there was no denying the break. “What makes you think I do?” Loki himself didn’t know where the words came from as the only thing he wished was to wrap his arms around Y/N’s body and bury his nose in the Y/H/C locks. “I-I don’t… I don’t know if you do,” she shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t expect you to. Not after how I left… without an explanation. I guess there was just this underlying hope that you would. I um… I thought I was doing the right thing, I was acting the right way. I was being selfish, not wanting to share or drag you into this mess. My mess. But throughout these eight weeks, I realised how idiotic that was of me. How if I had called for help people wouldn’t see it as a weakness, they wouldn’t think less of me. I just… I didn’t want to hurt you, but inadvertently I guess I hurt you more with doing what I did… so if you tell me to go, I will. I’ll leave and won’t come back.” Loki’s throat felt like it was being constricted, like a palm made up of all of the emotions swirling inside had clamped down onto his airways and was now squeezing it closed. “What about the team? Your friends? Don’t you think you owe them an apology?” “I know them. They’d try and make me stay, try and convince me that everything can go back to normal, to how it used to be. But it can’t.” “And why is that so?” “Because I hurt the one person who meant more to me than life itself. And I can’t even pretend to be okay with moving forward as if nothing happened. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself. That’s why right now it’s your call.” He stepped closer, eyes down onto the ground, deliberating every word that was about to come out of his mouth. “So if I tell you that I never wish to see you again?” Loki saw Y/N gulp, how her jaw clenched and eyes started to water, her voice wavering as she replied. “Then I’d go and you would never see me again.” “Okay,” he whispered, palms cradling her cheeks as tears slid down her soft skin. “Then remind me to ask Thor to punch me in the face if I ever do so. Because now that I have you back, I am never letting you go.” Hope instantly sparkled in her Y/E/C orbs as she gazed at Loki, eyes so full of love his own heart felt like it would combust. Y/N’s arms locked around the nape of his neck, pulling the god’s face closer to hers, until their mouths were almost touching, their breaths mixing together. And when they melted against one another, when every puzzle piece once again found its rightful place, there was no need for the starts in the sky when with a simple touch of his lips a galaxy exploded behind her lids.

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take, sorry): @marvels-queen-bee @julierousing98 @maggiesimps @horrorx570ximagines @luluthegreatandterrible @bambamwolf87 @drakesfiance @artbysteph87 @nerissa98 @happyseagrill @asguardiansoftheavengers @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @pizzarollpatrol @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger

A/N: this whole story started out as four-five different ideas, actually :D Feedback is always appreciated :)

P.S. if you wanna be tagged or have any requests, drop a message :)

P.S.S. please, don’t repost without credit :)

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krd530 · 5 years

Text

Bakugou and manga’s use of gag abuse

I love reading meta about all my favorite stories. But there’s recently been a weird wave going through the BNHA world that has left me frustrated. I love BNHA for how it addresses so many things that I have wanted addressed in manga since I started reading it, twenty years ago. Also its hero’s! As a major comic book nerd this was like a holy matrimony for me. There are many things I love about the comic (and some things I am a bit frustrated with, Give a girl an ARC!) Izuku being one of them.

He’s awesome and adorable and a good person. I love complicated heroes, but the ones who are simply good people are always my favorite. Coming back to complicated heroes though cough-bakugou-cough, BNHA has a good deal of them too. Bakugou isn’t my favorite character, in fact from a purely I-love-them stand point he’s not even top 5, but as someone obsessed with story structure and themes and tackling complicated subject matter he’s at the top of characters I love to analyze and watch develop.

He’s someone who has gone through life without any major hurtles or deficiencies. He’s handsome, charismatic, smart, athletic and he had been given a quirk that is meant for hero work. Yes, he had to train and use it well, but unlike Minato or Koichi, his quirk easily lead to hero like applications. He never had to struggle to find how to make it work. Like Todoroki, everyone always comments on how versatile, advantageous and powerful his quirk is. Also like Todoroki, there seems to be no down side or weakness associated with it. Sure his arms hurt, but considering Deku’s ability literally shatters his own, I think we’re supposed to take away that Bakugou’s quirk is close to perfect.

But where Todoroki’s own perfect quirk has caused him pain and hardship on every level of his life, Bakugou’s has only advanced and made his own easier. That’s the whole point of his character, to have it all. His one downside being that he has a pretty aggressive personality. Paired with all the ease of his life and that literally no-one who has seen him go too far say anything, his personality and belief in winning has lead him to believe he deserves all these things and that he’s above all the other extra’s to the point that he’s offended when others don’t agree.

In normal society that would probably make him some sort of bully, but more of a mean girl bully than anything else. But in this universe, violence is intertwined in everyday life. Villains are constantly popping up and hurting people and the most respected in society are super charged police. Not politicians, not figures like or Mother Theresa. Einstein? Take a hike.

Violent people, doing violence for good are the highest honored individuals that everyone looks up to. That’s bound to twist society towards violence and an acceptance of violence as an everyday occurrence. Though that doesn’t make it right and within the universe Bakugou’s violent actions are considered bad by the main protagonist (he says that telling someone to jump off a building is bad, that’s how you know we as readers are supposed to understand the weight of this transgression), but it does explain how Bakugou’s character was able to become so violent and abusive without receiving any consequences from teachers or those who have witnessed his abuse. And he is abusive, Izuku constantly looks scared of Bakugou when he’s being threatened, he verbally tells us when Katsuki goes over the line, theses are important cues and super relevant to what I say next.

Bakugou was not abused at home. He wasn’t. I know that many abuse victims see what happened with the teacher conference and then later with Katsuki saying that violence is how he grew up and think abuse and that’s fine. People can be offended and mad at the author or the material or the making light of a bad situation and have every right.

Narratively though those feelings don’t matter. In manga and anime casual violence like that is common and used as a gag. Just like boys getting nose bleeds at short skirts or low blouses. In real wold context, they are super offensive and not funny but animation often uses preset actions to symbolize something else. Nose bleeds can be the sign of a pervert, Mineta, or of a girl crazed boy that is harmless, Kaminari. It all depends on how you represent the action.

Violence is the same. If you read Bleach or Naruto or Soul Caliber or DBZ….to infinity, you would understand that when violence is used as a gag its used to show how characters interact when in conflict on a daily basis. When Ichigo’s dad attacks him every day it’s to show how he wants to make sure his son is prepared for the real world but ultimately fails due to his own Neanderthal tendencies, and the number of the teachers punching Naruto on the head due to something he said or did as to show their frustration and how they are vehemently upset and not ok with those actions, similarly when ChiChi hits Goku or one of her kids its meant to give a visual representation of her anger and lecture/punishment. Cartoon characters can’t show nuanced emotion very well and when you’re drawing every panel, being able to wrap up an everyday/non narrative interaction is clutch. These gags are meant to be short cuts for the reader, but if you don’t read a ton of manga or watch a ton of anime those short cuts can be missed or taken out of context. And I know that Bakugou’s treatment is taken out of context because the story tells us that.

Like I said with the nose bleed, different circumstances give different meaning to an action. If the character under abuse looks scared or heartbroken than it’s meant to be interpreted as actual abuse. If the character looks like they usually do, or bashful or angry its a gag meant to convey something else. When we meet Katsuki’s mom its in the middle of a 101 Dalmatian-esque sequence. How parents are like their kids. Mitsuki hitting on the head and harsh words are meant to signify where Bakugo got his personality from. He doesn’t look scared or heartbroken and his fucking teachers don’t say anything to his mother about the abuse. These are two hero’s, if they thought this was abuse they would have said something to her. This absence is another indication that there is nothing narratively wrong here and that the panel was meant to show you the two’s similarities. All Might says something about the warped relationship, but neither go further into it. An indication that its just one of those crazy families and not something more sinister. (My family has often been considered dysfunctional or crazy by others, but we’re just organized chaos, nothing more). If its intended as actual abuse, the character has to look effected in a seriously negative manner and it’s often blatantly called out by the characters or made a larger sequence with implications that something is wrong.

If its a short sequence like this, with a typical response and no call out as abuse by the characters or narrative than it falls into the category of a gag and the entire context of this encounter colors this as a gag use of abuse.

Now as for her words, Bakugou gets his gruff nature from somewhere, and she immediately after says that she is thankful that he’s back that that she was worried about him. This is the most Katsuki way to express worry that I have seen from another character and I would argue that this is one of the core personality traits that wont go away after he becomes a better person. I have never had a problem with Bakugou expressing his worry through harsh words followed by clear sentiment. The only issues I have with him is his use of force and his cruel words that hold no warmth or care for the person he’s talking to. So once again this panel shows us were Katsuki got his personality from, and unless you want him to become completely whitewashed, super sweet and respectful character, eliminating all of his personality by the end of this series, we should look at this use of language as something that is acceptable. Tactful and empathetic? No, but Katsuki is never that anyways, so the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

This use of that gag is meant to represent their relationship together. It quickly shows where his explosive personality and ways of emoting come from and hints that his mom is the root of some of his more aggressive world views, like looking at things in terms of winning and loosing and not being able to back down from a conflict, but there’s nothing that says that Katsuki’s more abusive and dark tendencies came from her example. She seemed like a more toned down and well centered Bakugou. And while maybe not the best role model, theres no evidence of an abusive relationship. The fighting and abuse aspect is meant to represent that they clash due to their similarities, but she obviously cares for him and understands him.

As for the part about how he was raised, I took it as him saying my mom’s a foulmouthed, fuck you, aggressive type of person and that’s how I was raised. No kiddie gloves just a straight forward; you fucked up and now you’re going to fix it or else. His wording is almost always far harsher than his actions. He routinely says I’m going to kill you and then doesn’t try to kill the person. He continuously talks about imparting violence and then doesn’t. So why when he says he’s going to physically abuse kids into listening should we take this seriously? He’s extra, but he’s not a complete pyscho, especially after his massive fight with Deku.

Usually when he says die! Or something to the effect its more of a exclamation than actual wish. So in what world are we all of a sudden taking him at his word? I’ve always taken his token dies and i’ll kill you as an indication of his fuck you personality and almost punk rock disregard.To him, there is no gear except full throttle, so when kids don’t listen you don’t coddle them and talk about it, you make them listen through authority. He says violence, because he always exaggerates his potential actions because he’s extra. And while not ideal, as long as your not physically hurting a kid, this is a way many people choose to parent. By groundings or taking away privileges or making them serve out punishment to reestablish authority. This is how me and my brothers were kept in line. Sitting us down and talking about how we should act and why we should act a certain way, rarely sunk in.

Katsuki recognizes himself in these kids and that was probably how a kid who thought he could do no wrong like him was corralled. Talking all day doesn’t fix shit if the kid refuses to listen. And at no point in this arc did I think Katsuki was going to actually physically harm them. In fact I can’t even find the panels that say that this is how he was raised, but from rereading the arch its obvious the whole way through that he was never going to hurt the kids or physically attack them.

He’s the one who first analyzed that the kids were acting out due to a lack of respect for authority and then came up with the plan for the kids to test themselves against their group without hurting them to reinstate that authority. In no way does he actually act abusive, which considering that his interactions with Deku prove he can, is a pretty big indicator that any learned behavior from his own up bringing wasn’t actually violent. So while he might be super brash abrasive and more inclined towards enforcement over talking, that’s not a sign that he was abused.

And before anyone says that’s not a good way to go about the world, remember that Deku was raised by a soft spoken and emotionally accepting mother and yet he grew up with crazy internalized self worth issues. Bakugou may be scared of failing, but he’s not afraid of valuing himself or standing up for himself. It takes all kinds and there’s no guaranteed way of raising a kid, is what I’m saying and no where in this arc did I pick up on cycle of abuse.

Now back to narrative evidence that the story doesn’t consider Bakugou abused. In addition to short cuts and how the interactions are drawn and framed, the story itself doesn’t lean to this interpretation. His character is meant to represent the one who had it all, but had to learn to be a good person. That’s the cleanest way to get the story that the author is giving us. He has everything, deck has nothing, society will always make excuses for Bakugou and hold Deku unfairly accountable. Look at the tournament, Bakugou won and show cased his awesome power, yet acted like a complete psycho and he got several offers. Deku proved he was smart and resourceful and used his quirk to the best of his ability, but the fact that his quirk was imperfect and flawed and that he was willing to hurt himself to achieve a goal gets him no offers what so ever. Not even an agency that highlights strategy.

More important to the core message though is that Deku struggles are external, proving to the world that he’s worth it, that he will be the greatest hero, where as Bakugous are internal. He has to realize completely by himself that despite his life and society telling him that he is great, that actually he needs to change. And it’s a brutal process, nothing about Bakugou struggling with this realization is easy or clean. He still mercilessly takes things out on Deku and is often still extremely abusive so it is often hard to see his progress from merely his actions, but it is there. This realization and self examination becomes muddied and cheapened if his reason for being abusive comes from anywhere else than society said it was ok.

His story isn’t a cycle of abuse story (that would be Todoroki and Dabi), its a story of how to learn to hold yourself to a standard that isn’t lauded or rewarded by others. Sure we love Deku and All Might escapes Sting’s kill list due to his values, but we are shown time and time again that in this universe morals aren’t considered vital or even very important to succeed. That’s the story, that’s the core of BNHA and the main struggle for the series.

So narratively him being a childhood abuse victim doesn’t fit or add to the story and every characters arc and background is meant to drive the story forward. Which brings me to my last point, the narrative of an abuse cycle within this world. This universes arc that discusses the dangers of a society that relies on violence when taken in context of family life is already being explored with Todoroki’s family. There is no reason to introduce this to another core character, especially when there are so many facets of this universe for the material to touch on.

Todoroki also gives an example of when the story takes abuse seriously. There is cannon material of child abuse (Todoroki looks scared and heartbroken in regards to his father) , characters talk about it, its a driving narrative any time his family is on screen, his entire arc revolves around not becoming his old man. Even if the abuse was subtle to everyone else, it’s made very apparent in his arc and in his thought process. Also notice that while Bakugou’s abuse was blatantly in front of his teachers, Todoroki’s abuse is kept carefully out of his teachers view. This because if All Might or Eraserhead saw abuse, they would do something.

This is how a comic talks about child abuse, there is no reason for child abuse to be inferred or hidden when it comes to a main character. If it occurs it becomes a main part of their arc. Abuse is horrifying and becomes a major factor in a victims life, there’s no glossing over that or saying that it’s not important enough to the person to be mentioned even in their own head. Katsuki never once mentions child abuse or overcoming any kind of issue at home and don’t tell me it’s because he repressed it or doesn’t understand it. If that were the case that there would be hints in his interior monologue that that told us that. But when we see into his head, he discusses where his issues with Deku come from, where his want to be hero comes from, where his realization that winning is the goal in life comes from and never once is his family mentioned. He got his foul mouth and assertive personality from his mom, also maybe his inclination towards being strong and striving to be the best, but his incessant need to win doesn’t come from home it comes from All Might. And his violent attack of Deku comes from his own superiority complex and insecurities of not doing it right. This is explicitly stated. No where does he state that his development as a bully was formed from an example of his parents.

And like I said his narrative purpose in no way deals with past trauma, there is nothing in his past that has gone wrong, he isn’t fighting against a singular point like a parent or legacy, he is fighting against a societal problem. If his mom was abusive, it would register as something that he was struggling against instead of the intangible nature of winning and succeeding that we see. There’s no point in hiding that part of his past if it’s there, no reason for it to be not blatantly addressed or shown. The author doesn’t do delayed reveals, if they talk about something a character is dealing with, then they talk about the whole thing. If they talk about why Bakugou is a bully than they freaking tell you why he is a bully, not some half assed discussion that’s meant to obscure the real reason. This is an ensemble cast story and yes Bakugou is obviously a main character, but the author said this isn’t going to be a crazy long series and that means he can’t spend tons of time on a character who isn’t the main one (and to be honest Deku hasn't had as much time dealing solely with his own issues as Bakugou has) There are plenty of characters that need time to show their projected character arc, so why would you waste your time discussing in length a characters issues, without doing a complete job of it. Especially since we’ve moved on from that point and we see Bakugou slowly evolving in other arcs.

Its dumb to frame it as “this is the root of the problem and now that he realizes it, this is how he’s adjusting”, for you to only be like, “jk that wasn’t the main problem and all the development you thought you understood, you really didn’t.”

This. Makes. No. Sense.

So on no level - from how manga/anime culturally expresses itself, to narrative contribution, to story structure, to the presence of a clear example of child abuse, to time usage and character development itself - does this interpretation fit.

Like I said though, you can see it as abuse, you can feel uncomfortable at it’s usage, you can get mad that something that you see as horrible is being used as a gag. I agree in many ways, but you can’t use this in meta to explain Bakugou and his actions. The story does not see that as an indicator of abuse, so regardless of how it seems to you, its not cannon.

And to clarify, this isn’t a mishandling by the author, or a framing issue - where he doesn’t want to discuss Bakugou’s trauma - nor is it trying to make light of abuse. The only shown “abuse” in the comic is a trope - it doesn’t mean what you think it means. When people say its a joke/funny they mean it’s a light hearted use that is routinely used as a way to convey relationships that have nothing to do with violence. That’s what people mean when they say its cultural. Not that culturally systematic violence is seen as funny, but that instances like this mean something different than what you, as a person not accustomed to cues and methods the Japanese community utilize, see. Its a colloquial metaphor that is universally understood by those in the know, but can be misinterpreted by those who can’t recognize it.

So if you feel frustrated that this abuse isn’t getting more attention, that frustration wont go away, because in the world of the series - it’s never happened. And considering how cool and unique Bakugou’s character arc is without an abuse storyline, it really bums me out when all I see people talking about is what this “abuse” means about his character.

If you want narratives that support past abuse, while only inferring it’s presence or only casually showing its there, I suggest Star Wars with Kylo Ren. Tons of shit implied about Snoke and child abandonment issues with Han and Leia for you to dig your teeth into and is supported by his character arc and inner musings. Also for an extremely subtle use with a hero character I suggest you read some of the pre crisis Wally West stuff. His short return recently also references it and the clear manifestation of his issues from abuse are through out his arc, be it his idealization of Barry and restraint his speed to go slower than him, or his fear of becoming a mentor of bart and therefore pawning him off on the first flash or his own issue with the twins and struggling to be a good dad. Or his relationship with his aunt and the angst of her forgetting him due to speed force timey-wimey stuff. Also how he’s the comedian of the group and constantly makes light of situations/ uses it to diffuse tension, most likely due to growing up with an abusive dad and a negligent mom. I’m getting way off subject, sorry. The point is that there are plenty of stories out there for abuse victims to project and empathize with (Todoroki/Dabi anyone?), but there is no narrative evidence or implication that Bakugo is one of them.

There are not enough stories that touch on privilege within society and how it can lead to villainous actions and thought processes if it’s not addressed or acknowledged. To properly tackle this issue, you can’t give the narrative representation a sympathetic reason for their views and actions. Leaving Bakugou as he was intended is the best way to show and discuss this struggle. We need this dialogue, so stop trying to explain away or give reason for his bad behavior beyond what is given to us. Focus on how he’s going to change instead of rationalizing how he came to be. There are plenty of kids out there who are just like him, bully’s without a reason other than society telling them to be and I want to discuss a story that doesn’t write them off as the villains, but as people who can come to their own realizations and change for the better, in contrast of what our world says will bring them success.

That’s my two cents, it might drag me from my comfortable lurking in the shadows, hopefully not, but I hadn’t come across an argument against abuse that made these points, so I felt the need voice these observations. Also as a kid who came from a family that’s chaotic at best, it really pisses me off when people dictate what kind of family and atmosphere is considered healthy and preach about how it’s absence is the explanation for bullies and abusers. I hate purity rhetoric and Bakugou’s abuse theory seems to stink of it.

#bnha #bnha bakugou #mitsuki bakugou #child abuse #colloquial metaphors #manga #my own two cents #not anti bakugou but no pro either #too much light ::hisses::#i'm gonna go back in my cave now #katsuki bakugou #mha #somehow star wars and the flash got in here #oops

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commodorecliche · 5 years

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I'll be honest I'm not into He Tian/ Mo since so much of it from early on has been very physically abusive and i get that most of the fandom disregards that as "boys will be boys" but for me personally it's not an appealing relationship. But honestly you do you @ the people who are into that. I'm just gonna stay 10 miles away from it.

like... my biggest issue isn’t even that it’s such a toxic relationship (and let’s be honest here, it is toxic and unhealthy as it stands right now). my real issue is how so many fans reacts to the ship and say that clearly unhealthy behavior is cute and romantic.

(buckle up kids, this post got long. i ramble a lot about them as characters and their relationship and their motivations) If you wanna skip all that, just read the last like... paragraph.

like there’s literally nothing wrong with shipping and enjoying a toxic ship. nothing at all wrong with that. we are allowed to like things that are less than pure. we all have things that we like that are wrong/dark/problematique/whatever. but at the same time, i think it’s important that we are able to recognize that toxicity and not romanticize it just because we personally like it. i think it’s important to go “hey, I like this ship. It’s not healthy right now, it’s pretty toxic, maybe it won’t be in the future, maybe it will improve. but I recognize right now that it is unhealthy, and I still like it. and that’s okay.”

again, there’s nothing wrong with that!! human beings like dark things. it’s just how we are. but just because someone likes horror movies doesn’t mean it’s okay to go out and murder people. it’s important to go “wow, i love this fictional murderer! but i know that murder is still wrong.” just like we, as a fandom should say “hey, i love this fictional ship! but i know that they’re dysfunctional, toxic, and very unhealthy right now!”

but this fandom doesn’t really do that. in fact, it would seem that many aggressively don’t do that. many in this fandom will be outright rude to anyone who dares to say that tia/nshan’s behavior isn’t cute/romantic, will argue aggressively with anyone who says that mo is obviously uncomfortable and not just blushing cause of ‘gay panic’ or whatever. and that’s really unfortunate. because like i said, just because something is unhealthy doesn’t mean you can’t like it??

every single unhealthy, toxic, abusive thing he tian does to mo is seen by many fans as “cute” and just he tian “showing how much he cares”. mo’s constant discomfort at the things he tian does is, at best, ignored, and at worst, misconstrued. for example: a while back someone posted a picture set of the times mo was “blushing” because of he tian - but really it was just a picture collage of all the times that he tian has done something weird/unwanted/creepy and has made mo aggressively uncomfortable.

and the things that are abusive (like the physical violence) just get swept under the rug by many fans. like, holy hell, he tian threw mo off of a bridge and into a creek. and the fandom just kind of ignores it and INSTEAD decides to focus on the panels after that scene in which he tian jumps down into the water and lifts mo out of the water as if it’s the cutest thing in the world he could’ve done. nevermind that he tian literally threw him off a bridge. he tian going down to ‘help’ mo doesn’t change the fact that he tian was the one who threw him off the bridge in the first place. (and let’s be clear of the reason why he tian threw mo off a bridge: it was because mo threw his phone and bag into the water. but the reason mo threw he tian’s phone and bag was because he tian had tons of creepy photos that he had secretly taken of mo. that’s not cute. that’s creepy and stalkerish. it’s a huge invasion of privacy to just take tons of secret photos of someone and mo is visibly unnerved by it. no wonder mo threw his phone and bag off the bridge! if it were a girl that he tian had done that to?? he would have been CRUCIFIED by fans. but because it’s two guys, somehow it’s cute now?

my point is that... he tian and mo have a lot of problems. a LOT. but the fandom just doesn’t want to acknowledge it, opting instead to pretend that this relationship is okay and good as it stands right now. and what really sucks about that is that because of the fact that they are so dysfunctional right now, that means that they, as characters, have a huge opportunity for growth. they’re in a pretty bad place right now, but that means that they can only really go up. but we need to recognize that we’re sitting at the bottom of the barrel right now with this ship. and this fandom needs to recognize that they have to grow out of what they currently are in order to ever progress into something better.

there’s nothing wrong with liking this ship. i want to emphasize that again. because seriously, i mean that. i like tia/nshan. i have high hopes for the ship (even though OX continues to disappoint me. always one step forward, ten steps back with their progress it seems. that gets extremely frustrating when you think some progress has been made in their relationship and it just reverts back to toxicity but i digress). but i recognize that just because i personally like this ship and want them to eventually be happy/normal, that doesn’t mean the ship is without problems. it’s got loads of problems. and i’m just not sure why so many fans elect to ignore that fact? it’s shocking to me what this fandom will call cute or romantic. and maybe that’s my age speaking. i know many fans of this manhua are younger and just might not realize that this unhealthy behavior and not “cute” and don’t realize that this behavior will eventually have to stop if he tian and mo are ever to become something healthy.

now for some character analysis that no one asked for but that i am gunna type up anyway:

right now, he tian and mo are 15-16 years old. they’re bratty, angry teenagers dealing with a lot of crap in their lives and neither of them have really had... great role models or easy lives that would lead to them being well-adjusted human beings. i think, given those circumstances, some of the unhealthy behavior they show makes sense. a lot of it can, i think, be chalked up to 1) their age and 2) their backgrounds.

he tian is aggressively (and i mean AGGRESSIVELY) possessive and protective and i think it stems from the fact that he grew up learning that if you wanted something and wanted to keep it safe, you had to physically demand it and cling to it. but at the same time, he tian also grew up rich. let’s be real here: he’s spoiled. and he’s very accustomed to getting what he wants. it’s not a stretch to see that mentality extend to people he wants. and what he wants right now is mo. and he just kind of... does whatever he wants and whatever he thinks is necessary in order to exert control over mo and keep him close by. because he wants him, he wants to “protect” him (in his own weird way). and so he goes about showing this heavy affection in an extremely unhealthy and abusive way, complete with unwanted sexual advances, stalker tendencies, physical aggression, and manipulative behavior. i think... he believes his motivations to be good (because in his head he definitely cares for mo and wants to help him), but the way he goes about it is literally awful. again, if this were a girl instead of mo, we’d all be telling her to RUN.

mo is a little harder to peg just because we still only know snippets of his past. but obviously, he’s had an absent father, he has had to become extremely self-reliant, has never wanted to depend on anyone or “owe” anyone anything. he was ostracized by his classmates when he was young: after going through an extremely traumatic experience (the restaurant scene, and then his father going to jail), his classmates branded him “bad” and not someone who could be trusted. mo then found friendship in the only place he could - with the other outcasts, and fell into the gang. every friendship mo has ever had has been toxic and physically aggressive and controlling. i mean, fuck, she li stuck dirty, dull thumbtacks into his earlobes as punishment for him standing up for another gang member. mo seems like he’s aching to have an actual sense of Self. he tian is... just another ‘friend’ who’s hurtful to him and is controlling over him. not to mention, we have no idea about mo’s sexuality. he obviously seems to have some deep rooted self-hatred and homophobia (the kid freaked out about getting a shot at the hospital in his buttcheek for god’s sake and then had a nightmare in which bullies at school said sexually aggressive things to him because he got a shot in his buttcheek). but at the same time he’s also obviously got some kind of... weird... i don’t know how to say it because it’s not affection, but... perhaps fascination with he tian. i’m not sure. because in his dream, he tian is the one that comforts him. and later on we see that mo even goes to help and ‘comfort’ he tian when he’s having nightmares too. but he’s also still aggressively uncomfortable with the things he tian does around him and the things he tian forces upon him.

it’s just... it’s complicated.

and because of that, right now you can’t say that their relationship and the things they do to each other are cute... or happy... or well-adjusted... or even a relationship. right now, really all we have is a deeply dysfunctional acquaintanceship that is being progressed by... control and manipulation. and yes, i have high hopes that... mo will find his sense of self and will discover what he feels and what he wants. and i have high hopes that he tian will realize how he’s behaving and will come to understand that the things he does are not... good or kind... especially to someone you supposedly like and want to protect. and i mean, maybe we’re seeing a little bit of that? i mean, in the last couple chapters, we saw mo willingly asking he tian for a pair of black studs, that’s a pretty big forward motion, and mo being willing to tag along with he tian to go get them. he tian didn’t force him to climb the wall and skip class (definitely a departure from his usually forcefulness), mo went willingly. so... maybe right now we’re seeing a little development. but... like i said, OX tends to go... one step forward and ten steps back with them, and i’m afraid that the next time we see them interacting it’s going to be something violent or forceful or insulting or stalkerish. so, i just don’t know.

but... really the long and short of it is that i wish more fans would look at tia/nshan and say “i like this ship but i recognize that it’s not healthy currently”. because that’s the truth.

#anyway #that was a long as fuck post #i'm not tagging this btw cause i don't want disk horse like this to show up in the tags #i'm mostly just venting right now #long post #lindsey talks #Anonymous

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3w-writer-with-wings · 5 years

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For the 40 Questions meme - 3, 4, 17, 31, and 35 for vrains.

3) What’s your current OTP?

Tbh I don’t know since I ship VRAINS characters more or less platonically. But if I have to pick one, it’s firestormshipping aka. Takeru X Yusaku. It’s a very wholesome relationship and whenever the two of them are together, I can’t help but feel warm inside (not because of Soulburner XD). From the start of VRAINS I wanted Yusaku to have a friend, not that anything was wrong with Kusanagi or anything - Kusanagi is more of a big brother figure to him (which makes the current episode that much worse), I just wanted him to have a relatable friend on which Yusaku can count. And boy is Takeru perfect for this job! He is like Crow of VRAINS, rushing to his friend’s aid at any given moment, not that bright but he always does his best and most of all, he wants to help Yusaku for the right reason. True it started only so Flame and Ai could meet, but Takeru brings out the best of Yusaku. And it shows! Every time he is with him, Yusaku appears to be more talkative and honest about his feelings. Even though Takeru has his own issues, he never brings them out on Yusaku and rather deals with them on his own. Their relationship is as pure as it can be and I have a feeling I’ll feel that much stronger once episode 94 is up (when he will literally be his knight). Also, this scene only made me ship them more from the start XD

(Ferris wheel???? seriously??? I saw enough shoujo to know where this is going!) To conclude, this ship is amazing and deserves all the love in the world.

4) What’s your current NOTP?

I might get hate for this, but I really dislike canon datastormshipping aka. Ryoken X Yusaku. I wrote canon because I don’t like how it is structured in VRAINS anime, though several fanfictions and comics can make it work - just not in canon way. I think I made a whole post why I don’t like that ship but I guess I could explain it again. Well to start off - it is dysfunctional as hell. The two of them hardly had any interaction throughout season 1 or even season 2. While they do fantasize about each other a lot, that’s really all that they do. Yusaku sees Ryoken as a desire, that one person that saved him years ago and that needs saving now. I’m sure Yusaku is willing to sacrifice himself for Ryoken just as much as Spectre (well not that much but you know what I mean). Ryoken on the other hand... he has tons of issues to deal with himself, from his daddy issues to his unwillingness to reconsider different alternative for his well-constructed plans. Both of them are broken people and whenever they interact with each other is never really for the two of them to get to know each other. Ryoken can also be manipulative and Yusaku is extremely forgiving - which is a big no-no for a serious relationship. I don’t really know why people ship them in a canon way (like I said I have no problem with non-canon way) but all I see is dysfunctional communication, lack of interaction and interest to know each other better (instead they both claim they know the other already) and they tend to bring out the worst of each other. In other words, I see it as dysfunctional if the toxic relationship and I really hope Ryoken gets necessary development and finally understands why Yusaku is trying to help him so much.

17) Talk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically.

I didn’t really stop shipping any ship romantically, so I’m not sure how to answer this. I guess Yusaku and Aoi looked cute at first, but it didn’t last long since neither of them looked interested in each other.

31) Talk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love.

I guess I love the idea of Takeru wanting to be that friend to Yusaku that he himself always needed while he was recovering from the Lost Incident. The “thug life” persona he was using during this time in a way reflects his inner turmoil - “Get away from me, I can’t be your friend, don’t get involved with me.” making him look almost like Yusaku. No one could understand his pain, not Kiku or his grandparents. But then he realizes there’s another person who went through the same ordeal and knowing how lonely he was feeling for the past 10 years, he decided to be there for Yusaku. He most likely has never been to Den City or big city at all, but he went anyway for Yusaku. Flame must’ve helped him find the school that Yusaku attends and the rest was up to Takeru. I imagine he spent weeks training speed duelling in VRAINS and building his avatar just to make a good first impression on Yusaku (I refuse to believe that fire tornado entrance was improvised). Also, he must’ve known where Yusaku goes to school before his first appearance, but still he waited for Yusaku to come to VRAINS on his own. He was patient and constructed the whole plan how to look cool and confident (and yet he still hid in the classroom once he finally got a chance XD). Also, I believe Takeru was singing that one line in the opening.

He’s been there, he knows first hand how painful it was, but still, he wants to take the very same pain from Yusaku and carry it for him. I don’t know why people keep addressing Ryoken as Yusaku’s knight in shining armour when he has his most trusted knight right by his side. Ryoken maybe made that new knight-like avatar and made a super-hero landing when Lightning kept Yusaku and Ai captive, but do you know who actually released Yusaku out of that cage? Takeru!!!

35) Recommend 1-5 shipper blogs.

I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I don’t know or follow any shipper blogs. I just randomly find them from time to time and reblog stuff that I like.

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overthinkingkdrama · 6 years

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Jona’s Year End Drama Round Up #5: Because This Is My First Life

Story: Ji Ho is an assistant drama writer who has been single all her life. She dreams of having love, but romance isn’t what she needs right now. She needs a place to live. Se Hee is a socially odd programmer has has the energy to deal with his job, his cat, his house payment and literally nothing else. Unfortunately, he’s buried under a mortgage he can barely afford and none of his previous roommates have been up to his high standards. When Ji Ho and Se Hee end up inadvertent roommates, they realize quickly that they’re personalities click and they fulfill each others immediate practical needs. They decide to live together, the only problem will be getting their friends and family, on board with this new arrangement.

First Female Lead: Ji Ho started out this drama, easily the most effervesent, interesting and beautiful drama heroine of my Kdrama year. This was my first time watching anything with Jung So Min, and I can sincerely say this was a case of love at first sight. She’s precisely my style, y’all. But somewhere in the process of watching the show I think her character lost her way. I wish she had been given a little more to do than moon over Se Hee and provide us with colorful narration. I would have liked to see her pursuing her writing dreams for a greater part of the drama. As it was, her dreams wound up playing second fiddle to her emotional turmoil and I can’t help feeling that was a missed opportunity. Additionally, the standard issue forced separation in the last two episodes just rubbed me the wrong way. Sorry. I understood Ji Ho’s motivations and reasoning--as it was explained in the endless narration--but I didn’t connect with her actions and characterization toward the end.

First Male Lead: Se Hee is such a unique romantic lead for this kind of drama. He consistently surprised me and warmed my soul. You would expect a set up like this, with a robotic male lead who doesn’t want any emotional connections, to be a prick who neither respects your feelings nor cares to understand them. The brilliant asshole. You would expect him to be a more typical tsundere. But Se Hee really ducks most of those tired tropes. He is emotionally closed off, but he isn’t disrespectful of other peoples feelings, even when he doesn’t understand them he tries to. Despite his traumas, he’s incredibly perceptive, emotionally intelligent and tender with others, especially our female lead. My greatest complaint about the character is that we didn’t get to explore his past and his internal life with more depth. Most of what you ever learn about Se Hee is learned second hand from the people around him. This is very much Ji Ho’s story from her perspective, but it’s a shame to feel like at the end she didn’t really understand Se Hee that well, and therefore neither did the audience.

Second Female Leads: Instead of the typical two lead and two second leads set up, BTIMFL is more of a ensemble drama with a heavy emphasis on one pairing. Our two second female leads are Ho Rang and Soo Ji, friends of our female lead since high school and each engulfed in their own complicated and contrasting love line. Ho Rang is cohabitating with her long term boyfriend and is ready for marriage, babies and a picket fence. She maybe hasn’t thought through exactly why she wants those things. She’s not good at expressing her desires directly, however, choosing instead a passive aggressive route. Ho Rang frustrated me, but I found her to be a very real and believable character. I would say out of the three heroines, she was the hardest for me to love. But I really liked the actress who played her and was satisfied with her arc by the end.

Soo Ji is basically the opposite of Ho Rang with the opposite ambitions and pitfalls. She’s a career woman who is continually the target misogyny and harassment from her male colleagues. She doesn’t want marriage or a serious relationship. She expresses her desires directly. She wants casual sex on her terms and she wants to run her own corporation. Falling for one of her meaningless hookups would really throw a wrench in her plans. Hey, Soo Ji is a through and through queen and I thoroughly loved her from beginning to end. You don’t often get sexually liberated and powerful women in dramas without the story telling them their wrong and punishing for it. I’m happy to report that doesn’t happen here.

Second Male Leads: Won Soek forms the other half of our dysfunctional on-again-off-again couple with Ho Rang, and damn does he accentuate everything wrong with their relationship. His flaws butterfly so perfectly with her. He responds to her lack of communication and tantrums with obliviousness and appeasement. But as you watch the two of them together you also get a lot of glimpses of the sweet core their love was originally built on, as well as genuine affection. It’s one of the reasons the relationship is so hard to watch, because you can see why it’s gone on so long and why it’s so hard for them to address their issues. I was overall really satisfied with his arc as well.

If you had told me that I would love CEO Ma as much as I do after the first couple of episodes I would have laughed in your face. Honestly, he came off like a bit of a creep or pushy and entitled like Soo Ji’s coworkers. But as he began to understand and appreciate her situation, be indignant at the way she was treated, and learned how to express himself to her better, I completely understood why she fell for him. He and Soo Ji formed one of the best secondary couples I’ve ever seen in a drama, and I can say that of all the couples in this drama they were my favorite.

Supporting Cast: It would be a crime, I think, not to add an extra category just to praise the supporting cast in this drama. Bom Mi and the fantastic Go Jung Min who broke all my expectations for an ex-girlfriend and really elevated the last episodes of the drama for me. Then of course the parents, specifically Kim Sun Young as Ji Ho’s mama. She made me cry so much and she had some of the best speeches in any drama this year.

Feels: I think everyone probably expected this drama to be one of my top dramas of the year. For the portion of the fandom that was willing to start this one despite understandable reservations regarding the male lead and his scandal, it was the break away favorite of the winter and with good reason. I’m as surprised as any of you that it’s as low as #5. There were a couple things that held it back from topping this list. First of all, as much as I want to review and appreciate a drama and a performance in a vacuum, that’s not possible. Lee Min Ki’s scandal somewhat tarnished the experience for me, that’s just true. And the fact that many of my favorite bloggers couldn’t watch the drama because of him pains me. Additionally, the ending left me feeling somewhat underwhelmed. This is the drawback of having such a strong beginning and, perhaps, not knowing how to conclude things with punch and moment. You open yourself up to a higher scale of criticism. But in the end, I’m really glad I watched it. And for me the pros far outweigh the cons.

Would I recommend Because This is My First Life? Absolutely. I think there’s a lot to be appreciated here. I think what you’re in for is something in slow, contemplative slice-of-life category (some have said Jdrama-esque). Beautifully scripted and acted, I may not see myself coming back to it immediately. But I can imagine coming back a few years from now, on some rainy day to see all these characters again.

#jona's 2017 kdrama round up #year end reviews #kdramas #because this is my first life

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