#my personality was stripped from me

[spirk-trek]

a very star trek birthday :)

#the eyeshadow is spock and jim themed :) #i took myself out antiquing and found so many star trek books! #the film strips are gifts from my mom #she got me a whooooole bunch #i'll upload them individually later!!! #misc me #personal post #star trek #trekkie #self love #happy birthday to me

[s0fter-sin]

i was making a “what has it got in its pocketses” joke and realised something very interesting. gollum only ever uses “he” as a pronoun for bilbo when he says, “he stole it. he stole it”. other than that, he exclusively uses “it” when referring to bilbo. it’s interesting that the only time he recognises his humanity is when he takes the ring from him​

he views bilbo as food for the first half of the scene so why would he use a gendered pronoun for something he’s about to eat and after he hates bilbo so much that he strips him of this momentary humanity

#its only through his relation to the ring #this thing that corrupts and epitomises human greed #that he recognises bilbo as a person #a person who covets the precious just like the last person who saw it #and then through his hatred he reduces him back to just a thing #‘curse it and crush it we hates it forever’ #no longer something to eat but something even less than that #hes acknowledged his humanity and now hes purposefully stripping it from him in his hatred #that is incredibly interesting and id love to know if im interpreting it right #its a type of emotional intelligence people dont really associate with gollum #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #far over the misty mountains cold #talk meta to me #the hobbit #lotr #lord of the rings #gollum #smeagol #bilbo baggins #an unexpected journey #riddles in the dark

[miyuecakes-moved]

old sketches of hk (top) and guangdong (bottom) because apparently not even my chineseness is secure enough to not be othered from me when i don't follow how outsiders think we should act )-)o

#hws hong kong #aph hong kong #hws guangdong #hetalia #hws #aph #hws chinese provinces #orz its a given that people constantly take my birthright as nikkeijin away from me but my chineseness too? damn #what im saying here is that every time ive acted out of line of what people think a japanese-descent or chinese person should act #i get reduced and labeled in a way that removes those core aspects of my identity -- typically by overemphasizing my chineseness as other #or recently -- as just vaguely east asian #yowch #whether or not op knew i was chinese i was still stripped of my chinese identity in order for op to smear my art as sinophobic #it doesn't matter if they didn't know. they had to make the assumption i wasn't chinese #“because what chinese person would do such a thing?” says the orientalist #orientalism only makes the orientalist's orient true to the audience #not to know the actual orient -- which doesn't exist outside of the occidental imaginary

[uncanny-tranny]

There's this idea I see sometimes that you can only like food insofar as you use it as a tool to satiate your hunger, but honestly? It's okay to like food not for how it serves you but for what it feels like and means.

It's okay to like food because it tastes good, because it reminds you of your childhood and your culture, because it reminds you of beautiful nostalgic memories. It's okay to like food. Food is such an integral part of the human experience. The more we minimize food as "solely a tool," the less connected we are to not only food but to ourselves because so often, people tie their bodies in with food and how it does or does not serve them.

#recovery #food #disordered eating tw #eating disorder tw #(just for the implication) #something i am trying to internalize while recovering #the idea that food is solely a tool personally harmed me because it stripped food down to something i must sufficiently earn #but right now i am cooking spaghetti because i want to taste it and because while i am not hungry i know i have not eaten enough to be okay #and i'm going to learn to be happy about it or hell at the very least indifferent and unafraid by it #i will have done more damage to my physical and mental wellbeing by ignoring my body than ever eating for the sake of tasting something good #insert that one jack black gif from school of rock where he says '...because i LIKE TO EAT' #making my italian ancestors happy by eating spaghetti but pissing them off to seeing red by snapping the spaghetti in half to cook it

[daisywords]

I will do my best but at the end of the day "good representation" is always going to be secondary to my quest to create the most specific Little Guys in the world sorry

#esp with regards to alt world fiction like sorry my characters' lived experiences wouldn't map 1:1 with a real person from the 21st century #and also! everyone that is alive right now is also the Most Specific Guy in the world and there is no one magic way to portray a trait #or identity and have it resonate with everyone who is/has that irl!!! #and sometimes I get very tired. I want my characters to be diverse because I want to write about people #and people are diverse #I am not trying to be anyone's spokesperson! especially for groups I am not a part of! #I don't want to be tempted to strip my characters of ''diverse'' traits so some hypothetical person won't be mad at me! #anyway please interpret this post in the way that will make you the least mad at me. that's what I meant. thank you

[girlfoxcock]

I’m just trying to put this year, 2023, in perspective.

I feel frustrated and angry. There were positives, but they don’t all feel like my positives. They don’t feel like my wins.

This is evident by talking to my dad about it. He says this was a massive year for me for getting through school.

School doesn’t feel like a win to me anymore. We’re going to see how this next semester goes but I’m pissed about it now. I feel like it has a chokehold on my life and it blows. This isn’t a post specifically about school, despite the only true accomplishments from this year being grades.

…that actually sucks insanely hard though. All I have to show for this year are some letters. I fucking hate that.

However, I got a cpap machine that restored quite a bit of energy! I built a computer that NASA would be jealous of! I even went on a trip to what felt like an entirely new planet(MFF)! I even made some extremely meaningful friends!!

WHAT DO I HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT THOUGH? I HAVEN’T MADE ANYTHING!

I’m realizing how shitty life is if I’m not creating! If I’m not making things from my soul! Every year before this I’ve made something I point to and say “that was the year encapsulated! I did that!” I’ve only been slowing. I’ve only been slowing.

I have almost nothing to show for this year.

I got an A in a sociology course.

I’m angry.

#personal #my main reason for living is being stripped from me dude #shoot me at this point

[socialc1imb]

I love art ! I’m not lying !

#cw heavy vent here #so feel free to ignore ! i have no one else to tell! #So upset because art has been *such* a struggle but I’ve finally started enjoying it again #and i was genuinely loving how my art looks #and then *one* person told me my art has gotten worse and it ‘looks better this way’ #and now everything I’ve managed to make seems like a waste and the worst thing ive ever drawn #even though i know its not true and i still love my art so much and i love creating #but the fact stands that now i cant look at my art without telling myself that ive *apparently* only gotten worse #people really stripping the last thing that makes me happy away from me and they dont even realize #the thought of my own hobbies that ive enjoyed my entire life makes me feel worse than before #now what’s left? #but its fine. whatever. #cw vent

[ramenwithbroccoli]

hey girl did it hurt? when he loved you so much he gave you immortality, but not enough to ask if you actually want it?

#maybe if he didn't insist on omitting the topic of death you could talk about it and realise how much of a coward he was. #but now he made you go from a creator to a creation and you don't even recognise yourself in a mirror #stripped of your body your past and your voice is it really still you anymore? #does he love you as the person you used to be or as a scientific miracle he created himself #why bother thinking about it? it's far too late for either of you to let go. #oc #original character #the artist #why did nobody tell me that creating an oc means i have to be the one to draw all the stuff #so yeah enjoy a collage of all the doodles of it on definitely not important papers that should not be cut up #i have no self control and I'm rotating it in my mind 24/7 #tales of the black cat

[mlekonya]

The struggle is real =,)

#I need a vacation from my brain #personal #personal art #oc #persona #sona #mini comic #comic #comic art #comic strip #webcomics #meme #artist on tumblr #artists on tumblr #art meme #me

[enigma-the-anomaly]

I hate when there is anger inside my body. I am very small and my feelings are very big :(

#it really just does not matter what I do huh #it’s spring break. I was up at 9:30 and happened to stay in bed for a bit and take my time showering and stuff #you know? cuz I’m on break? And can do whatever the Hell i want? #but apparently I was ‘sleeping all day’ according to my mom #and then she reminded me to wash my hair the next time I shower. which is code for ‘your hair looks like shit’ #it’s like that one bit from friends where they’re having a funeral for the geller’s grandmother #and Monica’s mom is like “can you imagine being criticized for every little thing you do? #it’s amazing that I grew up to be the life-affirming person I am” #the joke being that she criticizes everything Monica does and is constantly trying to “fix” her #always criticizing her outfit and hair and life choices #like. that’s exactly my mother. and guess what? I fucking hate her! #and—this is a horrible thing to say I know—sometimes I wish she would just hit me #because violence and bruises are easier to spot than the covert belittling and the slow chipping away at my self esteem #all while under the guise of helping me #as if she isn’t insulting me and treating me like a mini clone of her or a goddamn toy to entertain her #she never wanted me she wanted a dress up doll #she doesn’t want nano she never wanted nano she wants a perfect girl who marries a perfect guy #and has perfect grandbabies #she’s tried to strip me of my boricua heritage in unassuming little ways #she’s tried to strip me of my desires and interests and emotions #she’s tried to ignore my trauma and logic away my mental illness #she has tried to destroy every part of me everything that makes me what I am #and she is the victim. the one with the woefully annoying stupid disobedient daughter #because i have resisted her attempts to mold me into something that I’m not #vent #im just so tired of trying to be the person she wants me to be and never being good enough #I’m tired of feeling trapped #I’m tired of feeling like an awful person #I’m so sick of her

[alexa-crowe]

thank god i have the no equipment decay mod bc i'm literally so overwhelmed rn i tried looking up the quests on the fnv wiki to figure out how to navigate the quests on the strip but they just made me paranoid that i was missing stuff and i also keep getting turned around and the maps and quest markers aren't helping and it's stressing me out...

#i had to abandon the gomorrah/omerta questline bc it was pissing me off how i had no idea what to do after a certain point #and now the white glove society stuff is so overwhelming like i can't even keep it all straight despite checking my pip-boy like every #30 seconds to remind me what i'm doing and where i'm going #and on top of all that i keep losing karma for stealing stuff from these dickheads like. that's not fair!!! i'm a two person clean up crew #for the strip rn and I'M doing bad deeds by stealing fucking sarsparilla and caps??? #and i bungled the confrontation with benny so now i gotta chase him down #meeting yes man is the worst thing to happen to me in this game and you start off shot in the head kjsdhfjd #fallout #rambling #it's crazy that fnv is what's doing me in like bg3 doesn't overwhelm me and skyrim toes the line but i can take it #but new vegas? i can feel the tension in my body increasing while i play

[bitchesgate3]

mizora fans are the only safe side of the fandom for me

#from most safe to less safe #mizora tag i can enjoy evil woman and the occasional hate post #but she deserves that and it doesnt overrrun the tag #m*nthara tag is ok but some fans see her as more evil and more masc than i see her as #weird to me - cant relate #love Lae but the shadowzel hatef*cking ruined my engagement with other fans of hers #mystra tag i instafollow mystra-defenders #instablock mystra haters #literally on sight #because i read the whole post in the tag and i deserve compensation #mystra aint on the same level as c*zador #shes a pompous bitch who withholds blessings not a fcking p*mp/ tr*fficker #love shadowh*art but shes disrespected constantly and stripped of personality in the fandom to be: the woman #i dont follow the tags of the male characters anymore because the amount people will woobify them is legit unsafe #man puts a bomb in his chest because he couldnt take no for an answer #but people want to say “poor baby girl” the fuck? #man is just stupid and a tad scary #honestly sexy but i would be mystra 2.0 if i got with him #larian woobified ast*rion by removing the nuance on whether or not he deserved redemption #fandom performatively “likes” w*ll only when someone makes a big enough stink about him #i feel bad for actual fans because they love something that isnt actually there #his writing literally removes all agency for him #larian infantalized a grown ass black man to constantly be humiliated and removed the rightful anger he had in EA #i need people to admit that the writing is bad and IS racist and enables people to be racist in being dismissive with him #sometimes i do dip into the ast*rion tag tho because those artists know how to draw s*x with women #like those girlies have had s*x before and know what they want and they are so right for it #the wlw art in this fandom has no idea how s*x works #or its so male gazey and prnified it legit makes me squeemish

[lit-in-thy-heart]

love it when i'm in the middle of a task and realise i really can't be bothered to finish it

#was getting stressed out about needing to pack for uni in the autumn #so decided to combat that by reorganising stuff #but consider: i am far from a minimalist and have a small bedroom and wayyy too many books #so my floor is covered in books as i sort through them and i have more boxes to sort through outside my room #and it is half past four and i have had enough #i've been sorting through things for like two and a half hours #on the upside though i have got a box made up of books i will be taking with me #and it will just be the one. no more. i will have an entire library at my disposal. #and turns out i bought the same copy of wilfred owen's complete poems from two different secondhand places at least two years apart #would love to strip everything back and be brutal with things but alas i'm too emotionally attached to stuff for that #and also have a tendency to keep hold of books that i probably will never read bc of guilt for giving them away without reading them #ahhhhhh #fucking moving places you inhabit man #personal #lit talks

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

would it be weird to post character questionnaires on tumblr dot com. would that be a weird thing to do. would people get me with hammers for doing that.

#i've done solaris questionnaires a couple months ago just for ME to get a better feel for her character #and i want to post abt her more (as if i don't already post abt that freak enough) #but i'm trying to decide if it would be better to refactor the questions so they're not directly from her mouth or not. #if i had all the time in the world and knew where my creativity went i would make comic strips out of my favorite ones #idk... i feel like putting them in a third person perspective loses a lot of the charm that comes from a questionnaire #but also. cringe isn't dead. sadly. and if i post cringe i'll die. so #idk

[looselipssinkships-x]

sometimes i think what a time to be alive grates on me when im not in the right mood is because it hits just a *little* too close and i am sensitive and bitter and it hurts but not in the way that aches and heals at the same time, like a knife through a would that only just stopped bleeding and it's so goddamn upbeat and peppy and yes! when my brain is doing okay i l o v e digging into the lyrics and picking them apart and delighting in the juxtaposition of the lyrics and the music but on days when my brain is bad i don't want a peppy song about looking at 2019 and reflecting on how much things have changed and how it's all effecting our mental health because honestly, yeah, "sometimes you wonder if we're ever looking back" sometimes i feel like i can never stop looking back sometimes i feel like if i look back for a second everything will fall apart and it'll swallow me whole sometimes i feel like my life is split into before and after sometimes i feel like i haven't felt hope since 2019

#that deck of a sinking ship is my steadily declining mental health #fall out boy #fob #smfs #so much (for) stardust #don't mind me im just sad desperate angsty what have you #this isnt me saying it's a bad song or i don't like it because from an objective perspective wattba is an absolute banger a bop a gem #such a clever song and the juxtaposition is just *chefs kiss #im just so raw #which is stupid because like #none of my immediate family died #none of my close friends died #but it did take away all of the things id begun to love and enjoy and stripped me back down to a person reluctant to feel joy again

[catastrxblues]

good morning it is now 4 am and i have just finished watching atonement good night

#atonement #next tags are just going to be personal rants ignore that #i couldn’t sleep at all so i tried reading s&b and then fanfics and then the bell jar but it just didn’t hit #so then i tried writing but i just kept crying so i thought i’d watch a romance movie because yes #should’ve gone for four weddings and a funeral or pride and prejudice because what the hell is this #i didn’t know anything about this movie i just remember having it on my watchlist and saw ONE clip so i picked that help #and yes i ended up crying and the tears are still here but i’m also starting to think that that’s not entirely because of the movie at all #i stripped my bed off its sheets because the bright color annoyed me and it was already peeling off anyway and i was too lazy to put it rig #and when i pulled back from the screen after the movie finished and just look at how bare my bed is and how i’m in the middle of them #i just started crying again #and my legs are aching and i hate myself and i think i want to take a shower but maybe i’ll wait later on #i don’t think i’ll sleep at all honestly i’m not sleepy anymore #besides i’m thinking of going outside today just at the park i don’t know doing something #i always sleep really really late lately because my parents are out of country right now and no one is keeping me checked and i apparently #still can’t take care of myself. cried about that too it was something. why am the eldest daughter i’m so not fit for it #and then i always wake up at like 9 am and it’s already too late by then that i just never do anything productive #and it’s like i’ve been living in a simulation and i’m kinda going crazy and insane but it’s okay because today is going to be better #i hope because i’m not getting any sleep and i can finally go outside at 7 in the morning instead when it’s already way too hot #damn this is supposed to be one of the best years of my life??????? fuck off #also i can hear the azan subuh from the mosque by the neighborhood and i miss praying honestly #it’s so funny because i was happy to get my period because that meant i wouldn’t have to wake up so very early on in the morning #but i miss it now #hopefully my period will end soon #nadirants