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#should’ve gone for four weddings and a funeral or pride and prejudice because what the hell is this
catastrxblues
·
4 months
Text
good morning it is now 4 am and i have just finished watching atonement good night
#atonement
#next tags are just going to be personal rants ignore that
#i couldn’t sleep at all so i tried reading s&b and then fanfics and then the bell jar but it just didn’t hit
#so then i tried writing but i just kept crying so i thought i’d watch a romance movie because yes
#should’ve gone for four weddings and a funeral or pride and prejudice because what the hell is this
#i didn’t know anything about this movie i just remember having it on my watchlist and saw ONE clip so i picked that help
#and yes i ended up crying and the tears are still here but i’m also starting to think that that’s not entirely because of the movie at all
#i stripped my bed off its sheets because the bright color annoyed me and it was already peeling off anyway and i was too lazy to put it rig
#and when i pulled back from the screen after the movie finished and just look at how bare my bed is and how i’m in the middle of them
#i just started crying again
#and my legs are aching and i hate myself and i think i want to take a shower but maybe i’ll wait later on
#i don’t think i’ll sleep at all honestly i’m not sleepy anymore
#besides i’m thinking of going outside today just at the park i don’t know doing something
#i always sleep really really late lately because my parents are out of country right now and no one is keeping me checked and i apparently
#still can’t take care of myself. cried about that too it was something. why am the eldest daughter i’m so not fit for it
#and then i always wake up at like 9 am and it’s already too late by then that i just never do anything productive
#and it’s like i’ve been living in a simulation and i’m kinda going crazy and insane but it’s okay because today is going to be better
#i hope because i’m not getting any sleep and i can finally go outside at 7 in the morning instead when it’s already way too hot
#damn this is supposed to be one of the best years of my life??????? fuck off
#also i can hear the azan subuh from the mosque by the neighborhood and i miss praying honestly
#it’s so funny because i was happy to get my period because that meant i wouldn’t have to wake up so very early on in the morning
#but i miss it now
#hopefully my period will end soon
#nadirants
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