#my life has been changing a lot recently and things like this blog have fallen by the wayside

[galoots]

yoo how've you been doin?? any cool projects lately?

No 😭 I've been busy with work, my new partner, getting a chronic pain diagnosis, and starting T. I am doing good though! Probably happier than I've been in a long time.

#i do miss writing #my life has been changing a lot recently and things like this blog have fallen by the wayside #good changes! but stressful ones

[ithebookhoarder]

Relationship A - Z: (Alfie Solomons x F!Reader)

A/N: I randomly ended up catching a friend rewatching an episode of Peaky Blinders recently, and may have fallen back in love with this man again. So, it felt only right to finish this, after it sitting in my pile of unfinished drafts for months XD...

Yet again, for anyone who wants to know, I’m using Dameronlogy’s list here for this prompt. You can find it on their blog, or here. Thanks for all your love and support recently. It means a lot.

Masterlist:

A - actions. what sort of things do they do to show they love their s.o? 

Alfie listens which makes you feel special and valued to no end - something he demonstrates over and over again in many different ways. 

For example, if you say something is your favourite then he is sure to order it and leave it on your desk, whether it’s flowers, perfume, or books by a certain author. 

You even catch him one night, reading your favourite book, and can’t believe it when he starts asking you about it at breakfast the next morning, clearly having absorbed every word with great interest. 

And conversely, if you say you don’t like something… well, then it is all but eliminated from your life. Mushrooms? He’ll never let them touch your plate again. A certain cologne makes your headache? NO one at the factory can wear it. You’re allergic to something? Then Alfie will add it to a never ending list of enemies that need vanquishing and god help it if someone dares try to bring it close to you. 

He also shows it by asking about things you’ve mentioned, remembering all your friends and family names, as well as all the drama too (something you know he thoroughly enjoys catching up on, as yes, whether Mindy’s second husband is cheating on her is more interesting than answering Tommy’s letters.) 

B - beginnings. how did the relationship begin? how has it changed? 

However you met, you can guarantee that it took a while for you both to get to a point where you realised how you felt about one another. Alfie would definitely try to woo you though, even from the start. Tipping his hat when he passes you, sending gifts with handwritten notes, and taking you on lavish dates that clearly took time and effort to plan - he is a gentleman in many ways and refuses to treat you as anything less than a lady, even if you continually insist it isn’t necessary. 

C - comfortable. how comfy are they with each other? peeing with the door open close, or would they rather keep the mystery? 

He’d try to keep a line drawn between his work and your home life, but I feel he’d surrender pretty quickly once you start wearing it down. He has walls that he’s built pretty high and it takes him a while to figure out that it’s ok to let someone in every now and then - especially you.  

Soon enough, he’s sharing everything with you, from the sales figures, to other confidential business information. He keeps nothing back and neither do you. It’s a partnership and that makes you both incredibly happy. 

D - dates. do they consider dates to be important? what kind do they prefer? 

Dates are incredibly important to Alfie. They’re his chance to escape the darkness that follows him in his day to day life and to savour your company. They’re also a chance to strengthen your relationship which is the most important thing in his world. 

As for the types of dates, well, Alfie enjoys mixing things up, alternating between quiet evenings at home with you and nights hitting the town. 

E - engagement. how would they propose? who would even pop the question? 

Alfie would propose to you for sure. In fact, he’s probably been planning on asking you since the moment you first agreed to let him take you to dinner. He can see it all in in his head, and has his mother’s ring on standby for the day he finally musters up the courage to ask.  

F - fundamental. for them, what is the most fundamental part of a relationship? 

Loyalty - which I know sounds ironic given Alfie’s history, but it’s different when it comes to your personal lives. You’re not like his business, so there are no muddy waters for you to have to navigate through when it comes to right and wrong. You’re a team and that’s that, first, last, and always. 

You have each other’s back and love each other for who you are, and that’s why Alfie loves you so much. As long as you trust one another then you can handle anything, whether it be business at the bakery, or even hosting a dinner for the local community in your home. 

G - gratitude. how do they show their appreciation for you?

By spoiling you rotten. This could be via services for you, such as foot rubs, making you fall apart over and over in bed, or baking for you. Or, this could also be via material gifts, such as glittering jewels he’s procured from ‘work’ or fine dresses that you know cost far too much for any one person to own. But that’s Alfie. He loves to gift you fine things and watch as you put them on, looking every bit as regal and expensive as a queen - which is just how Alfie sees you anyway. 

H - home. a random domestic headcanon. 

This man can actually bake, which is fitting given his business front. Still, despite his true business ventures, Alfie can actually bake pretty well and loves to find an excuse to break out his mother’s recipes in the kitchen for you. Most days off start with you waking to the smell of something sweet wafting up the stairs, and the sound of your husband whistling as he works. 

He also has a pair of fluffy slippers that he would keep hidden with his life, if it came to it, rather than let anyone other than you know about them. He really doesn’t look so threatening with them on, which isn’t exactly the look he’s going for.  

I - infinite. do they believe their love is endless, or is there something that could break it? 

Alfie is a realist. Let’s be honest. He’s seen too much of humanity and the world not to be. Just because he expects the worst out of everyone in the world, doesn’t mean he isn’t determined to make your relationship work anyway. If he wants something he goes for it and his happy ever after is one of those things. 

It takes a lot of patience and self-work to not always fly off the handle or let the little things blow up into massive issues. You’d have your bumps along the way, especially in the early days, but you’d both find your feet together. In fact, soon your marriage is the gold standard amongst your friends. 

The secret? It’s learning not to see love as something that is either there or not. It’s something you earn, you build, you tend to. You don’t give up on it, no matter what the world throws at you. 

J - jokes. who's the funny one? 

Alfie is funny and often makes you laugh, but I think you’d get your fair share of laughter out of him too. He’s a goofy one when you finally crack through that shell of his, but he can take banter as well as giving it. In fact, the first time he properly laughed whilst at work he made the entire factory floor grind to a halt in surprise. You’d have heard a pin drop everyone looked so scared and confused.

K - kiss. how do they kiss? favourite type?

Alfie may seem like a massive extrovert, and he can be in the right circumstances. But when it comes to you? I feel like this man is private and protective af. He doesn’t like making a massive spectacle of you or your attentions. So, it’s the little kisses that are his favourite. The ones you subtly press to his cheek or hand whenever you’re near him. When you’re sat in his office or in the car together. When you’re lying side by side in bed and fighting the urge to close your eyes and doze off in his arms. They’re a constant reminder of the love you have for him. 

L - longing. who's the clingy one? how are they with long distance? 

Interestingly, I feel Alfie would be the clingy one, even though he is the one most often away from home, travelling for work. He calls you when he can, though, and makes sure to spend a day with you when he returns. 

He also has men watching you to ‘keep you safe’, even if he knows it drives you mad. Still, you put up with it because it makes him happy, making sure to offer each poor sod a cup of tea for their efforts, and charming them each into compliance. 

M - marriage. do they wanna get married? 

Alfie would love to marry you, let’s be honest. The chance to have a fancy wedding with the local community, and everyone witnessing how lucky he is to call you his? He’d be in his element - and the luckiest bastard alive. To call you Mrs Solomons is something he fantasises about nightly, and the ring box sitting in his desk drawer suggests it won’t be long before he asks you either. He would prefer a traditional Jewish ceremony, but wouldn’t insist if you said otherwise. After all, he just wants you to be happy. 

N - nicknames. what ones do they like? 

Sweetheart, Darlin’, Love… he has a lot of nicknames for you, each one depending on his mood. You can often tell a lot about how he’s feeling by the nickname he chooses to greet you with. Like, if he calls you by your actual name, then he’s feeling serious about something. It can be good or bad but he doesn’t use it lightly… just as he keeps ‘Oytser’ and a few other Yiddish terms for special occasions, usually when you’re alone. 

O - over the top. are they ever ott? or are they more low-key? 

This is Alfie. He’s OTT to the extreme. This wouldn’t change when it comes to you. His personality is as big as his empire and you wouldn’t change it for the world. It keeps things interesting, for a start, and you fell in love with him for him, just as he did you. That doesn’t mean, however, that you don’t sometimes wish things were simpler and quieter - especially once Tommy Shelby comes into your lives. That man only eggs Alfie on and makes him all the worse. 

P - picture. what's their favourite picture of them and their s.o? 

It would be something simple yet intimate to be honest, like a wedding photo, or one of the pair of you taken at a company soiree. He loves it because you’re dressed to the nines, wrapped in each other’s arms, and grinning like a pair of love sick soppy bastards. 

Q - quintessential. what is one they would refuse to compromise in their relationship? what's a deal-breaker for them? 

As I said before. Loyalty is everything to him. Plain and simple. 

R - rage. who is the most likely to start an argument? 

… come on. Alfie. For sure. He probably wouldn’t mean to, unlike when he’s with people to do with the business. Oh no, this man would do his very best not to upset you, given that you’re the one person in all the world that means everything to him. However, he’s still him. He still has a temper and a short fuse that all too often blows up whether it’s about not being able to find his cane, or about the fact he may or may not have pissed off an Italian gangster and needs you to flee to some safehouse for a week. 

He’ll take whatever rage you give back to him and can grovel with the best of them. Expect many bouquets, kisses, and angry sex, followed by make up sex is all I can say. 

S - sickness. who gets sick most often? what are they like when they’re sick? 

Given what we’ve seen in the show, I think Alfie would get ill most often. This can be due to his inability to take a day off or get a decent night’s rest in him, but it can also be due to more serious factors like his war wounds. Still, you’re a great nurse and aren’t afraid of ‘Big bad Solomons’, even if he does his best to get out of taking medicines or staying in bed. 

You can be a spitfire when you need to be and when it comes to caring for your husband, then you turn into the most fearsome Solomons in the West End. Scarier men than him have blanched and run away after being screamed at, by you, for refusing to let your husband out of meetings. Even Tommy himself once actually apologised after a dressing down from you, and sent a bottle of whiskey by way of apology. 

T - tattoo. would they ever get matching tattoos with their s.o, or a tattoo for them? 

Alfie would definitely get one for you. He has a lot anyway, but one dedicated to you would be important to him, so that he carries you with him. He’d also probably get it done over his heart, so it is all the more special as he claims it’s a visual reminder of the mark you’ve left on him. 

You make sure to call him a softy, but kiss him anyway once he tells you. 

U - understanding. how understanding are they? or are they a little difficult? 

All things considered, I think Alfie would actually be rather understanding about most things. It isn’t like his world is black and white, and he knows the world can be a complicated and unfair place. Sure, he’s stubborn but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t try to at least see things from a different perspective before deciding he was right in the first place. 

If anything, you’d be the one who is less understanding. By that, I mean, you have patience - the patience of a god damn saint, according to most of your friends - but God help you if Alfie makes a promise and then breaks it. You’ll put up with almost anything but if he makes a promise then he knows he has to keep it, else face your wrath later. 

V - vases. do they buy flowers?

Alfie would buy you flowers all the time. True, he’d normally bark at Ollie to order them for him, especially if it’s for an occasion or if he’s in trouble… he knows exactly what kind of flowers are your favourites and isn’t afraid to send you fields worth if it would make you smile. After all, in a city as grey and metropolitan as London, you savour any bud of greenery or coloured petals. It’s why you’ve come home to the kitchen filled with Sunflowers once or twice, after mentioning that you’d had a bad day… only the best for you, Alfie always says - to brighten your day, just as you brighten his life by being in it. 

W - wandering. do they wanna travel? or immediately settle down? 

He may be known as ‘the wandering Jew’ but Alfie would want to settle down, to be honest. You, him, Cyril and whatever kids you two have in a cottage by the sea in Margate… that’s the dream. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy taking you to places though, spoiling you with trips abroad every now and then, like Paris on your honey moon, and Italy for an anniversary. 

X - ex. how many exes do they have? any horror stories? 

As king of Camden he would more than likely have a few, but none he’d deem significant enough to tell you about. He’s always been more of a casual fling, kind of guy, until you came along and tipped his world upside down. The only person you’d ever have to worry about rivalling you for his affection has a tail and answers to the name Cyril… and to be fair, you’re pretty in love with him too.  

But if you had exes? Well, it depends on how it ended as to whether or not he has some of his men have quiet words with them in the middle of the night… 

Y - you. favourite thing about their partner? 

Alfie calls you his salvation, and you think he honestly believes that. You accept him for who he is and aren’t afraid of him, which is a minor miracle in itself. You’re patient and kind and all this things Alfie claims he isn’t, which is why he loves you so much - you are the light in his life and he hopes even just being around you is enough to make him a slither less of a sinner. 

That, and your irritating, unwavering optimism… oh, it annoys him to no end how you always smile and find silver linings wherever you look. You also seem to know just about everyone, often whistling and waving as you make your way through the factory like a god damn Disney princess. Hell, even the Shelbys seem to like you which really gets on his wick… but why wouldn’t they? You’re amazing, so he can understand even if he doesn’t like it. 

Z - zeal. how excitable are they? who's the calm one?

It’s Alfie. Come on - this one is self explanatory, even if I like to think you’d balance each other out. He brings out your extroverted side and you help temper his when he gets a bit much (even if you secretly love how excitable he gets). 

#peaky blinders imagine #the peaky blinders #peaky blinders #peaky blinder headcanon #peaky blinders headcanon #masterlist #ithebookhoarder #thesilentmage #tom hardy #alfie solomons #alfie x reader #alfie solomons x you #alfie solomons x reader #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby

[icemankazansky]

Hi! So I have been stalking your blog lately (sorry for spamming of likes 🫣) because I have once again fallen into this rabbit hole that is Icemav and I'm loving your posts on them and the gifset you made for Iceman.

My question is, and I'm sorry if you have already answered something like this before: what are your fav Iceman HCs?

Hello! First of all, never apology for spamming me with likes and reblogs, because I love that shit. That is why the content is here.

I love this question! Let's see.

Ice is Russian and Jewish

This one came to me* pretty simply, because I got there by looking up the roots of Kazansky as a surname, mostly for a throwaway line in Lightning Strikes Twice. (If you're wondering why it takes me so long to finish a story, that is the reason. I spent two and a half hours writing yesterday, and a solid hour of it was research.) I've done a little bit with it, but @boasamishipper has really been the champion of this headcanon, and she's done a lot of work developing it.

It's difficult for me to believe that, given the political landscape when Top Gun OG was made and the way we're meant to see Ice initially, that giving him a Russian last name was not a purposeful decision. The year before, Rocky IV was a major success, breaking box office records worldwide. Rocky's opponent in the film is Russian Ivan Drago:

Does this look familiar to anybody?

Russia and Russians were bad guys a lot during this time period. The Cold War, which had started after World War II, was still going on. Maverick is our protagonist, and he embodies traits that have been considered uniquely American since the 18th century: Being the best, being a rebel who does things his own way no matter what The Establishment says, pulling one's self up by the bootstraps to become extraordinary, etc. And initially, Ice is positioned as Maverick's foil. He is self-disciplined, self-contained, and believes in collectivism and responsibility to the group over everything. To anyone bothered by the Red Scare, that could definitely be read as communist. I think that giving Ice a Russian last name and these qualities isn't to paint him as the bad guy, but rather to get the audience to feel unsure about him. Maverick asks, "What's your problem, Kazansky?" and the audience is meant to think, "Yeah, what is his problem?"

(I've gone a little off track, but I don't expect everyone who follows this blog to have a critical understanding of the political climate in America in the 1980s.) But what does this mean for Ice as a person? It means that he grew up in America during the Cold War as someone with a Russian last name, at the very least. It's conspicuous. He definitely got called a Commie at school. And if (as I like to believe) he is close to his heritage, especially if it's recent (like he's a third generation American rather than a twelfth), it creates an interesting ambivalence. Like, my last name is German, but it's so far removed from me that it doesn't mean anything to me as a person. It's not part of my culture or identity. I don't consider myself German. I don't have that ambivalence. If Ice considers himself Russian, if that's part of his life and identity, that is difficult during the time period in which he grew up, and it's going to change things about his character. People are going to talk shit about Russians, and there are people who are going to question his allegiances, and he's going to have to balance that while being proud of his identity and his culture. I like the world it creates for him. I like him mentally cursing in Russian whenever Maverick is especially Maverick-y. I like him being offered a beer and wrinkling his nose at that American piss water (@victimofthemusic I love you forever for writing that).

Okay, I've talked way too much about Russian Iceman without getting into Jewish Iceman, so I'm just going to say: Yes. Also. It just makes sense to me, and I love all the headcanons and work @boasamishipper especially has created (I would protect Rachel Kazansky with my life), and I want more of it. All of it. Gimme.

*I don't mean to imply that I originated the headcanon; I'm just saying that is how I, personally, first started thinking about it.

Ice Has (a) Sister(s)

I've seen only children ask questions about this, but yes, there are totally vibes that speak to whether you have siblings, what genders they are, what the birth order is, etc. Ice is way too patient, good at sharing, and willing to play a supporting role to be an only child. He also screams sisters to me because he is capable of emotional regulation, sensitive to other people's emotions (I want you to think of him watching Maverick storm off the tarmac after the hop with Sundown), and values the collective over the individual. In general, when boys have brothers, they spend at least the first 20 years of their lives in constant competition. Everything is a challenge. Everything is a target. Ice is certainly driven, and he likes to win, but the amount of emphasis he puts on working as a team and helping each other suggests that his own desire to succeed is not the most important thing to him. Brothers also do not talk to each other. Sisters value open communication and group cohesion. (They've done studies on this. I'm not just making this up.)

And I like the thought that he has support. Ice has kind of a hard road to walk, and the thought that he has (a) supportive sister(s) there to talk to and to help him and to make sure he doesn't get away with any shit is lovely.

Ice is Smart AF

This is not a huge leap from canon, because we already know he's the best of the best and that he got into a competitive university, and that you have to be able to understand a lot of math and science and do it in your head at Mach 2 to be a fighter pilot. But Ice strikes me as the smartest guy in the room. The scene I keep coming back to is the one in the TAC trailer. Here's Ice:

He's not really paying attention. And I don't think it's because he's apathetic. It looks to me (because this was me) that he's bored because he's already figured out the problem, he already understands what's being taught, and he just has to sit there until everyone else catches up. And he's relaxed about it; he's used to it. He's probably been in this situation hundreds of times before. I talk about this more in this post, but that's the gist.

Ice is an August Leo with Capricorn Rising

I know a lot of people use Val Kilmer's birthday for Ice, and that is fine. You're totally valid. I just cannot. He's too fiery and bold, too sunny and fiercely loyal (that lion has teeth, and they use them to protect the people they love the most) once that Iceman mask slips down. I can have my little zodiac headcanons, as a treat.

I think I've gone on long enough. Thank you for the question! I'm sorry it took me so long to answer it. I'm trying, ragazzi.

#asks answered #top gun og #iceman kazansky #top gun headcanons #long post

[wool-f]

30: WITHOUT THE FEAR AND SHAME

Hello friends,

I’m back for 2024, for the thirtieth year of my life, to continue sharing my thoughts, imaginings, hopes, dreams, goals and advice with you all (you all being whoever comes across this blog and reads it).

As always, I began the year making my list of 100 things I want to do/achieve/create in the next 12 months, and this year I’m feeling particularly positive about the list.

I know culturally, turning 30 is a scary moment, particularly for women. It symbolizes this weird juncture between adulthood and the checklist of things we should have achieved by this age – marriage, children, a career, home ownership and more. All the things we pressure women into doing perfectly and all at once, with very little grace granted when we don’t have at least two of these things.

I’m here to confess, I’m in the first job of my potential future career, I don’t have a boyfriend, let alone a husband or a child and I am definitely nowhere near home ownership as a solo buyer (in this economy? Please). Does any of this scare or bother me? No – not even a little bit.

While on paper, it looks as though I have been faffing around in my 20s having a great old time, behaving in a way that some people would consider “wasting my time”, I have enjoyed the past decade so much and I wouldn’t change it for anything.  

I have two degrees, I’ve studied abroad twice, completed an internship in Indonesia with an amazing organization out of Melbourne, I’ve travelled A LOT, I’ve been in love (silly by me but here we are), I’ve danced with my friends, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried and I’ve had one too many drinks on a number of occasions. I’ve lived with friends, I’ve moved back into my parent’s house. I’ve made life-long friends and lost friends who I thought would be with me forever. I’ve read hundreds of books, watched movies and heard so many songs for the first time. Most importantly, I’ve made memories with my loved ones and enjoyed my life.

I don’t regret any of my mistakes, I’ve had fun.

This life has so far been a privilege to live in more ways than one. I’m luckier than most people living and I am extremely cognisant of this fact, particularly at a time when the world is in such a dire state of affairs, to say the least.

I do however, think it’s important to say that I’ve loved it here. There are many things that make me wonder how the world can possibly keep turning but then I look at my grandparents, my friends, the moments we have spent together and laughed, and I know why.

A friend of mine posted a video recently, saying she was freaking out about turning 30 this year, and I can relate to the looming feeling of dread that often comes with a “big birthday” like this and truly up until recently I felt the same way.

All of the things I’ve already written about enjoying life and having gratitude for the beautiful moments in it are true, but I am not immune to feeling pressure or like I’ve somehow fallen behind because I haven’t achieved the things that I am expected to have done.

Over the last six months many things have happened that have given me pause to really reevaluate the importance of being present to enjoy the moment and focus on what kind of life I want to lead and the people I want around me.

I have come to the conclusion that I’m not scared of turning 30, or as media and beauty industry conglomerates would want me to be, of aging or getting older. These occurrences are privileges that many people are denied. I’m lucky to be here and have decided to fully commit to treating every single day in that fashion.  

Here’s to getting old and enjoying it (however I will still be colouring the greys out of my hair forever more xx)

May 2024 be the most free, successful and joyous that I have ever been, and if you’ve gotten to the end of this post, may yours be too.

As always, love you all and have a great week.

G xx

#2024 #2024 blog #manifestation #goals #blessings #life #lifestyle #melbourne blogger #australian blogger #discover #discover under 1k #change #motivation #morning mindfullness #turning 30 #30 blog #meditation #health #mental health #that girl #it girl #that girl aesthetic #clean girl #high value woman #high value #high value lifestyle #level up

[cookierunbases]

Update [OUTDATED, SEE PINNED POST]

Hello everyone!

As you all may have noticed, this account has been on hiatus for a long time, and unfortunately that is unlikely to change in the near future.

(More info below the cut)

The reason is simple, I've just fallen out of the cookie run fandom and have taken up interests in other things.

I love the idea of sweets and baked goods coming to life, it's what drew me to the fandom in the first place, but seeing it become so drama-ridden and polarized really turned me off to it, so I no longer play the game or interact with the fandom.

It was an escape from real life for me, but it ended up becoming like it a lot, just with a sugary pastel coating.

However!

I will be keeping this blog up, even if it isn't active! The fandom still holds a special place in my heart, so I'd like to keep this resource up for those who would like to use it.

That being said, if anyone would like to take over the operation, you're more than welcome to dm me for access to this account and/or permission to rehome and rebrand it.

Thank you for following me on this little journey of mine! If you'd like to see my more recent work, find me on Instagram @/fur.and.foiliage, or here @theclowntooth .

#cookie run #cookie run oc #cookie run art #cookie run base #cookie run sprite edit

[lonestatus]

hi! i'm doing a presentation on the impact and community of tumblr for my media studies final and i wanted to reach out to my mutuals and fav blogs with some questions that relate to my topic. i would so totally love and appreciate if you could answer some of these for me.

it would be so totally rock and roll and awesome and amazing and i'll literally love you forever and ever and ever! :)

thank you thank you thank you!!!!

the questions:

1. how is tumblr different from other social media platforms?

2. how has the tumblr community affected you as a person/online presence?

3. do you feel more inclined to post more personal or private aspects of your life and or opinions on tumblr rather than other apps? as in do you feel you are less likely to be judged on tumblr than other platforms?

4. what are your favorite aspects of tumblr?

5. what would you do if tumblr got shut down?

6. what are some things that only tumblr bloggers would know/understand?

or

7. are there certain traditions on tumblr that you think other media sites wouldn't understand?(an example being our site wide celebration of the ides of march)

8. what are some of the largest fandoms/inner communities on tumblr? are you apart of these fandoms/communities? if yes, what is that like for you?

9. do you find tumblr to be educational in terms of academics? among other things such as politics and general life experiences?

10. all in all, how has this app changed your perspective on social media, the world, your life, and so on.

please add anything else you find to be important!!

aww im honored!

To be truthful, I don't spend much time on any other social media, so I don't have much experience! But in comparison with insta and pinterest, there's far less reason to use the for you tab. Obviously staff has pushed it in recent updates, but it still holds true, at least for me. I think a big draw for me is the built-in customization in general, with tools for making personal blog themes and post tools.

Since I don't use anything but Tumblr, It can be a little hard to connect with my peers who use Twitter or Snapchat, as we don't really have many other ways to connect outside of e-mail or text, which I think have fallen off in popularity with the rise of social media.

I think Tumblr satisfies my parasocial needs pretty well! I think because of the customization you can accumulate a following that's pretty chill. And if there are weirdos, you can block them very easily.

I've prattled on and on about about how cool customizing most aspects of your experience here is, but to reassert my love for it: When customization goes; I go.

While I have some experience with HTML, I might not make my own website on Neocities or a similar platform. I would probably make a Pintrest again. But if they make it so you can register an e-mail to a Neocities domain I'd be down.

I think Tumblr users like to self-aggrandize so I think most of our traditions and mechanics could be understood by other platform's users... Though maybe a lack of algorithms? I hear a lot of people talking about for you pages on other social media. But again, Tumblr's pushed the for you tab instead of the dash, so I'm not sure that's going to be a distinction for much longer...

8. I don't participate in fandom so I wouldn't know! That's not to say that I don't ever see anything from fandom, but really I'm not sure if I'm missing out on anything. I'm content with the content I do see. I guess you could say I'm part of the "My friends" fandom ^-^.

9. While there's plenty of academic discussion on Tumblr, I don't think there's a replacement to more genuine methods of education. However, there have been things I've been informed of through Tumblr, such as posts summarizing and linking news articles, scientific journals, etc. and methods of accessing them (such as 12ft). In that regard, I suppose that Tumblr has been a fine source of education and keeping up-to-date, though it's far from perfect.

10. I think being able to curate my experience has helped make me less tolerant of ads, weird posts, and other distractions. But I think the greatest impact it's had on me has been all the friends I've made.

#hope this helps ^-^ ^-^ ^-^

[rubyleaf]

Went through my blog again for the funsies and discovered an old, old tag game from 2016. And boy, am I shaking my head at it. Not only is 17-year-old me hilariously and stubbornly convinced she's straight, she's also very self-deprecating and generally not in a good place.

So I thought: why not answer these questions again, over seven years later, just to see how things have changed?

So here goes. The update.

MOST RECENT:

Drink: Water! I have a glass next to me right now and I'm staying nice and hydrated :) Phone call: Mom, earlier this afternoon, to make sure I'm still healthy and haven't died from acute Moved Out And Living Unsupervised Disease. Shockingly, I'm alive and well. Text: Dad, joking about the Berlin lioness boar thing. I still refuse to believe it was a boar BTW. I don't know what it was, but those pictures do NOT look like a boar.

Song you listened to: Saosin – "You're Not Alone" Time you cried: You know, I genuinely don't remember. Might've been weeks ago. I barely cry anymore these days, except from laughter or the occasional tearing up over a heartwarming scene in a show.

Dated someone twice: No, and unless the circumstances were very special, I wouldn't. If the ship has sailed, it has sailed for a reason. Been cheated on: Single, thriving, in my lane, cannot be cheated on if I don't have a partner. Peace and love on Planet Earth. Lost someone special: Lost touch with many friends over the years. Staying in touch is still hard. But honestly, some of them turned out to not be that special after all in the first place and a lot have stayed too, so really, it's fine. Been depressed: Nah. Been drunk and thrown up: Still don't like alcohol, still don't drink ✌️ Your three favourite colours: Purple! And pink, and the third one…maybe red!

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: So many. So so many. Fallen out of love: Yep! Laughed until you cried: Just this week alone! Met someone who changed you: I think so! Found out who your true friends are: Yes. And to the people who turned out not to be—thanks for making it easier to watch you leave right now. Found out someone’s talking about you: In the "bringing up my existence" way? Yes. Badly? No—someone probably did, but not my problem.

EXTRAS

How many people from your fb list do you know irl: What Facebook? Do you have any pets: Not at the moment. Hard to keep any in a dorm room. I'd like to maybe get a small dog someday though! Do you want to change your name: Not anymore. When I was little I used to hate my name because everyone kept misspelling or mispronouncing it, but now I like it even if people still get it wrong all the time. Sometimes it still feels weird and othering, in an irrational sort of way, but I can't imagine myself being called anything else. What did you do for your last birthday: Had drinks with some people from my orientation group in one guy's dorm apartment. Casually came out as bi over a game of Never Have I Ever. Wound up at a party even though I had an 8:30 AM class the next morning. Zero regrets. What were you doing last night at midnight? Sitting on my bed and hitting play on the brand-new Meet Me @ the Altar song that dropped last night!!! Name something you can’t wait for: MM@TA EU tour in October! I've been obsessed with them for two years and finally they come here to play some shows and the first time I saw the announcement I legit busted a lip in my excitement. Unfortunately not a hyperbole.

Last time you saw your mum: Last time I visited home—early May I think? What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Better executive functions so I struggle less with getting stuff done, especially uni stuff and household chores. Currently trying to do something about that, actually! If I'm really lucky I might get an ADHD diagnosis in the foreseeable future and maybe meds…? What are you listening to rn: Fall Out Boy – "We Didn't Start the Fire" Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Often. It's quite a common name where I live! What’s getting on your nerves rn: One word: THESIS. Which I for some reason struggle to do anything about. Blood type: Still unknown! Nickname: Several shorter forms of my civilian name. On here, Ruby. Zodiac Sign: Aquarius Pronouns: she/her Favourite tv show: At the moment: ATLA (and Legend of Korra), Ted Lasso, Good Omens. Probably more I'm forgetting. High school: Graduated in 2016! College: In my Masters! I have an undergraduate degree in law now :D Long or short hair: Long, down to my hips. I used to have short hair as a kid, but I’ve always wanted long hair. Height: 159 cm or 5′2.5′’. Do you have a crush on someone: I try to tell myself that no, I'm just very fond of the person. Platonically. What do you like about yourself: I'm creative and adaptable! I'm good at winging it when the situation requires it, and I usually get things figured out one way or another. I'm a hype woman for my friends, and I like the way I can find joy and excitement in all corners of life. Also, not to toot my own horn but I'm really proud of my style right now! Right or left handed: Right-handed. First surgery: None. Piercing: None. First best friend: Probably Rebecca, in first grade. It’s a shame I moved away, I wonder what she’s doing now. First sport you joined: Ballet, when I was five or six. Kept doing it until early fifth grade, then changed to horseback riding. First vacation: Probably to my grandparents’ vacation home somewhere at the North Sea. Don’t remember a thing though, I was one or something.

RIGHT NOW:

Eating: Nothing. Drinking: Water, still! I’m about to: Hopefully write a bit more for the mystery project 👀 Listening to: Meet Me @ the Altar – "Give It Up"

WANT:

Kids: Yes, eventually. I'd like a stable partner first (although if push comes to shove I wouldn't mind raising my kids solo), and most importantly I'd like to be my own person for a couple of years and not be bound by duty to everyone else. Travel, explore the world and myself, get all that out of my system so I can truly go into motherhood with no regrets. Get married: Yes, if I find the right person to do it with. Career: Study law and work for the EU or an NGO.

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: Eyes. I don't pay much attention to lips outside of someone having a cute smile! Hugs or kisses: Kisses are nice, but I still prefer hugs! Taller or shorter: IDGAF. I still love my tall lanky noodle men, but I'm not picky. With women, even less so. Girl is taller than me? Awesome, great for being held. Shorter than me? CUTE. Older or younger: Around my age, rest doesn't matter. I'm at an age where anything between 20-30 is fair game, but any younger or older and it gets creepy. Romantic or spontaneous: A mixture of both. Nice stomach or nice arms: If the person is nice, their body will be nice too. It's an automatic process. I don't make the rules. Sensitive or loud: A combination of both! Troublemaker or hesitant: Secret third thing where they're chaotic but also too shy to really make a move.

HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: Does "someone I talked to all evening but didn't know before that and didn't meet again afterwards" count? Drank liquor: Tried a bit, same as everybody. Found it nasty. Didn't try again. Lost glasses/contacts: Don't have any to lose. (Given the way I've been treating my eyes: yet?) Had sex on the first date: I'm asexual and I refuse. Broke someone’s heart: Yes, and let's leave it at that. Turned someone down: I'm a woman existing in public. Having to turn down random men is a recurring part of my experience. Cried when someone died: Not really—I seem to shut down and go blank more than anything else. I used to feel guilty about it, but now I've learned that everyone processes grief and loss differently and it doesn't mean I care less. Fallen for a friend: Yes, repeatedly, it has yet to end well, and it will probably happen again.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

Yourself: Mostly yes. There are some things I need help with before I can unlock my full potential, but one thing I've learned is that I always manage in the end. And once I get proper help, I have no doubt I'll be just fine. Miracles: I don't like to rely on them, but I do believe that unlikely good things can and do happen. Love at first sight: Not for myself, I need to get to know a person before I fall for them. I do believe in attraction at first sight though. Heaven: It's a nice thought, but whether or not it exists doesn't matter to me. Our task in life is the same regardless: try to be kind and treat others well and hopefully leave the world a slightly better place. Santa Claus: No, and never really have. My parents never claimed he was real; my Christmas presents always came from the family that visited on Christmas Eve. Kissing on a first date: Did it once, it was okay. I think it's one of those "take it or leave it" things—if the chemistry is right, sure, go for it, but it's definitely not for everyone in every situation.

#warning: VERY long post behind the cut #but also: healing! improvement! look at her; she's okay now! #(mostly—getting there) #personal #I'm just sayin'

[my-strange-attraction]

I think the reason I’ve been so inactive on this blog recently, aside from being back at college and busy, has to do with the slow move away from aspec labels I’ve been doing over the years and how it feels much more like a betrayal now that I’ve finally put it out there and changed the labels on my bios and all that. I preach a lot about fluidity within labels and fluidity of labels, but when it comes to applying it to my own life I’ve had trouble. 

From the moment I identified as ace (pretty much a full four years ago at this point) and then aro (two and a half years ago) I’ve felt constricted. I’ve struggled, if you look back on this blog, several times with feeling like I need to let go of the idea that I will ever find romance or have a partner in that way, and though I think it’s healthy for everyone to consider that they might not find a life partner ever, I think viewing it as an objective truth really troubled me because, well, I do want it. 

I’m a romantic at heart, and for the longest time, even though I know all the aspec terminology for romance/sex favorability and I’m very well aware of how diverse the community is and I’ve actively helped to spread that information, I always had this idea in my head anyways that ace/aro people can’t want sex/romance even if they do enjoy it while it is happening. 

Obviously that’s not true and a label can’t stop you from wanting whatever you want or feeling however you feel, and I think many people who have the exact same feelings I do still enjoy the aroace label, but I needed a change. Not just for how I see myself, but for how others see me as well. I struggled against the ace label initially all those years ago because, even having never had a crush before in my life, I was still worried that if I labelled myself that way I would be telling others I’m not available, and cutting off my chances of ever dating at all.

I don’t think the label has actually done that. In fact, it saved me from a really awkward situation with someone I was friends with for a short time last year who ended up being really toxic for me, so it has helped me avoid bad situations that I might have fallen into due to my desire for a relationship. But I had to say goodbye to it, which was what my last post (that wasn’t a reblog or an answer to an ask) was about. 

God I’m rambling so much. Back to the original point of this post: I haven’t been posting so much on this blog, because leaving behind my aspec labels made me feel guilty. I started this blog and built up the community around being aspec. And I may have abandoned all the previous branding that connected it to being an aspec blog at this point, but it’s still the community. It’s still what I’m known for. And I don’t want to abandon my aspec content, but I also want to post about my other queer experiences that don’t have to do with being aspec specifically. And honestly posting about aspec things is still a bit uncomfy for me right now, just because I left behind the labels for a reason and I feel like posting about them associates me with them.

This is not to say I’ll never post about being aspec again or that I’ll only post about being generally queer. I don’t know honestly what this is saying, but I like to be very open and honest about my experiences relating to me being queer on this blog, and this is the explanation I felt the most need to make. 

Tl;dr I am queer now, not aspec. This does not mean I don’t still have aspec exeriences, but I’m feeling disconnected from them currently and felt the need to change my label. I will probably be posting less about being aspec rather than just generally queer from now on, but rest assured, I always will answer any advice asks like please still ask me about aspec things I am a fountain of information and advice! You can still think of me as an aspec blog, I just felt the need to post this explanation as a sort of announcement about why my blog might seem different going forward.

Sorry even my tl;dr was long. If you have a problem with it, you must be new here, hi I’m cloudy and my original post tag is cloudy rambles and that’s all you really need to know to understand my posting style. If you made it all the way here, thanks for sticking with me! If you didn’t, I understand, haha. I will try to post more from here on out now that I’ve explained myself, because I really do want to come back to this blog and this wonderful community. Some queer confusion/ struggles just have to be dealt with less publicly than others, I guess. Or just less in real time. But I’m back now, I hope!

#long post #queer #labelling #personal #cloudy rambles

[psychewritesbs]

hi!! i really love your blog, i love reading your posts, your analysis... after the most recent chapters, couldn't help but wonder how you would be feeling about megumi's fate. his character has also intrigued me so much, i find the implications of his paths and of his world view so interesting - even though i strongly disagree with most of it today, i really identify my past self with him, and sometimes also my present self - he makes me think and feel so much about life, my life, my relationships, identity, choices, traumas etc.... it's been rough with the last chapters.. anyway, i know the possibilities are not exactly on our side, regarding his fate/ending, but i can't help but wonder how fulfilling it would feel like to see more development from him. yes, a lot of development was made, but he has repeated some fateful mistakes, and i think, if he didn't die, that we would be yet to see him build for himself a new philosophy, a new fundamental understanding of the world and his place in all of it, making different choices and taking different paths. i also know a lot of characters don't get this chance (or don't take this chance) before ......dying, but this time, i would really like to see him changing and growing, learning even more from his mistakes.. what do you think about this? is there anything in particular you would like to see about his character development? if you have the time, i would love to hear your thoughts about it! really sorry for making this ask so long though!!! xx

HOLA!

So... first, thank you for sending Megumi love ♥, I love it when people share with me why they love the characters they love, ESPECIALLY if it's about Megumi.

Second, your ask gives me life in so many ways. Thank you for the kind words and taking the time to reach out.

So let's see... "how are you feeling about Megumi's fate?" you ask.

This is what I'll say above the cut.

I really hope there will be a moment of "poetic justice" that underscores and gives meaning to what happened to Megumi. I don't know that, of course, but I feel like it's consistent with how Gege writes... even if he flops the ending.

More word vomit under the cut...

After all... there's meaning in everything but if only we choose to create it in the face of the existential dread that is the chaos of the human experience.

After keeping up with this manga for the better part of nearly three years, I've fallen in love with Gege's writing style for several reasons.

The main reason is that JJK is very dark and gritty but not for the sake of dark and gritty per se. Rather, JJK is dark and gritty for the sake of characters exploring and giving meaning to the existential dread that comes from the circumstances of the world Gege has created.

So... to me... this alone tells me that even if Megumi were to die and even if the execution is lackluster (think chapter 208), it won't feel like an inconclusive ending once it's all been said and done.

Megumi isn't Aki after all, and Gege isn't Fujimoto.

As you say, "i know the possibilities are not exactly on our side, regarding his fate/ending" and what I'll say is that it's not that I don't trust that Megumi can do amazing #things like getting back control of his body. It's the cursed cat that I don't trust because he will kill any character off if the themes he is trying to depict call for it in the plot.

There IS good reason to think that, thematically, Megumi is getting out alive (for the sake of meaning-making) AND I STILL DON'T TRUST THE CAT AFTER WHAT HE DID IN CHAPTER 212!

Also...

Oops, I did it again, I typed a whole response to your ask, and then the chapter 214 leaks started dropping and I had to go back and delete what I had written.

So if you haven't seen the leaks/spoilers for chapter 214 you might want to wait until Sunday to read the rest of my response.

The thing is... I also wasn't sure how Jungian I wanted to get in my response to you.

So after much debate I decided to get Jungian af... After all, you bared your own soul to me. Why shouldn't I do the same? So... there will be personal rambling lol.

BASICALLY this is how I'm excusing myself for always taking forever to answer asks lol. In the end, I just want to give thoughtful and insight provoking answers if at all possible.

So thanks for your patience. You were never for a moment forgotten.

Anyways... as I like to say: without further ado...

You see, I have this condition...

You see, I have this condition... and I feel like you can relate.

But this condition--I call it character myopia, its main symptom is that when I love a character with my entire sense of self, I can't tell where a character begins and where I end.

his character has also intrigued me so much, i find the implications of his paths and of his world view so interesting - even though i strongly disagree with most of it today, i really identify my past self with him, and sometimes also my present self - he makes me think and feel so much about life, my life, my relationships, identity, choices, traumas etc

Everything you've said about how you relate to him, from his life, to his relationships, identity choices and traumas... yes. Thank you for sharing your Megumi love with me.

Honestly, since we're having this convo. idk about you, but it's not often that I love a character to the point of seeing myself in them.

I don't know that there is a whole lot more that I can add to this. I just love what you said so much.

This has got to be one of my favorite parts about experiencing works of fiction and deeply resonating with certain characters.

Fiction can be such a transformative experience and Megumi has been just that for me and it seems for you as well. I love that in Megumi, Gege has created a character that is a container for exploring ourselves creatively.

I agree with the sentiment of identifying with him.

I think for me, right now... I am going through a phase in my life where, like Megumi, I keep bumping my head up against my own self-inflicted limitations.

In addition, in Megumi I have found a reflection of my own darker instincts.

I don't know how to explain what Megumi has done to my psyche. Literally... it's like he's working behind the scenes in transforming how I see the world.

I've literally had dreams with Megumi in them that also include black and white dog symbolism. In retrospect, the dreams have felt archetypal, like a reflection of psychic processes I am unaware of that are working underneath the surface and transforming my consciousness.

With Megumi getting possessed came a new dream with clear satanic symbolism that I thought was really interesting. More specifically because I wasn't scared to face what I saw in myself.

i can't help but wonder how fulfilling it would feel like to see more development from him. yes, a lot of development was made, but he has repeated some fateful mistakes, and i think, if he didn't die, that we would be yet to see him build for himself a new philosophy, a new fundamental understanding of the world and his place in all of it, making different choices and taking different paths

Yes 🥺🙏🏼! This. All of this.

You made me realize I want to see him believe in himself again. When Megumi believes in himself, literal magic happens.

And going back to what is happening at the end of chapter 214, I cannot wait to see Megumi wreck Sukuna from the inside.

There's so much happening for Megumi right now, and he's told the audience before that he will do whatever it takes to protect the people he holds in high esteem.

That's my boy!!!!!!!!!!

So to your point... I love that he will not go down without putting up a fight as he re-negotiates this new philosophy about himself.

YES!

Again, it's not that I don't trust that Megumi has what it takes, it's the cat I don't trust!!!!

i would really like to see him changing and growing, learning even more from his mistakes.. what do you think about this? is there anything in particular you would like to see about his character development?

Yeah, for sure. This is a bit of a loaded question because there's so much about Megumi that still needs to unfold in terms of how he relates to the world around him.

I personally love how Gege has gone out of his way to show how immature Megumi is compared to other characters who share the same trope. Megumi is a flawed human after all.

And aren't we all?

In the end, Megumi has to grow in many different aspects like...

How he relates to his own power.

The limits of his own sense of self and how he uses his imagination to overcome how his sense of self can become unnecessarily bound by reason.

The much needed growth he needs to achieve in how he relates to others (more specifically Tsumiki and how that is a metaphor for how he relates to his own emotional world).

Bridging opposites together (good and evil).

Taking responsibility for himself and his actions...

I mean there's just so much!

If Megumi dies at this point... ok, yes, and "what meaning will Gege give his death?" is what I would like to know to feel like it was a satisfying end to his arc.

Honestly. I just want to see Megumi work his magic. I want to see him get pissed off, like really pissed off and fed up with his fate, and I want to see how that changes him and what he makes of it.

I want to see him say "fuck this fate, I still have things I need to do."

And then maybe perhaps come to realize, once again, that he can't manipulate others because they too have a free will of their own.

I may be projecting here but... Megumi's manipulative tendencies and the way he relates to others, it feels like it comes from a place in which his inner-child has not learned that it does not need to do anything to fulfill his need to be loved.

Megumi is beloved, and its a real tragedy that he hasn't figured that out about himself.

And... if that is not relatable, then I don't know what is.

AH but thank you so much again for reaching out! Thank you for your patience too.

I hope to hear from you again especially as we get to see what our Megumi does!

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl #megumi being relatable af #fushiguro megumi lovers unite

[defying-gravityfalls]

Here we are, 10 years later

Hey folks. It's been a while. I really wanted to have something to post in time for the anniversary but I've gotten held up and was unable to make anything in time for the date. We are however on 618 today! So I'll take what I can get lol.

You may have noticed this account has been pretty barren the last couple years, and it's not hard to guess that is because I had moved on, I have fallen into other hyperfixations, and I'm also an adult now with more responsibilities than I had when I was running this account as a teenager. I almost have some sort of guilt from leaving this behind and even wonder if anyone still cares about what's on here, which is part of the reason I haven't posted much. But I'm feeling nostalgic and I want to talk about Gravity Falls and this is the perfect place to do it! So I thought I'd give you all an update on what I have going on and how I've circled back here.

Let me just start off by saying I'm sorry for falling through on a giveaway I had promised right before I had left this account, I still feel bad about it, I was at a real low point in life and should have never promised something I felt I could not follow through on. I didn't know what else to do except run away from it. But I'm better now, and to anyone who is still upset at me over this I encourage you to contact me for a free commission of your choice, because I'm actually serious about art now! (Seriously you have no idea how bad I feel about this I am so so sorry yall)

I have had one major hyperfixation since my GF one faded, and that would be Hatchetfield. I guess I'm just drawn to small towns where weird things happen! In the same way GF changed my life, Hatchetfield also has, I would not be where I am today without either of them. And if you also like Hatchetfield I have side account if you wanna check it out! This is definitely where I'm most active these days. I actually have a fic for it with a premise which many times has been compared to Bipper, and yes I do think that is an accurate callout lol

I've also gotten into The Owl House quite a bit lately, I wasn't too into it when it first started airing like I was with GF but once season 2 hit I started watching pretty regularly, and I'm sure many of you also watch it because of Dana. I'm definitely not as into it as I was with GF but I'm having a good time! A thing doesn't have to take over my life to be good lol.

On a personal note I have moved back to Minnesota! I'm currently a waitress trying to save up enough money for an apartment, I haven't finished college yet but now instead of animation/writing I'm hoping to get/finish my degree in theatre with a focus on costuming and SFX makeup. While I still love animation and could see it as something I would like to be a part of, theatre just seems more realistic to me at this point, and I like it and am already kinda good at it! I've always done theatre, this makes sense for me.

Back to why I came here. With all the hype recently leading up to the 10th anniversary I have been missing Gravity Falls, and I have been missing the community, and I want to get involved again. I don't think I ever truly left Gravity Falls behind, it stayed with me one way or the other, having this presence in my life I couldn't deny, and I think I want to come back home to it. My life has changed a lot the past 10 years, i wanna look back on something that made me so happy.

So I'm gonna try to be more active on this blog! I'm gonna start a long overdue rewatch on the series and maybe liveblog some parts of it. I think that's a good starting point. I'm happy to be back, and I hope I maybe still have friends here after being absent for a few years, and I'm willing to make new ones too. Thank you everybody, for everything. Stay weird.

#sorry this is long and a bit of tangent this is a long overdue post dsvdfbgfb #i love yall if you are still here after all these years thank you <3

[agorejessstone]

How our favorite blogger met Teo - The SSUM (FANFIC) pt 1

Life has become a mundane struggle to make ends meet.

Sure, I've had some success as a "freelance" writer and VA, but not THAT much success. I've tested a few games here and there, worked on translation issues, and spent more hours than I care to count in front of my PC, pondering over this and that.

Something needs to change.

Last week, I found a small, black kitten on the side of the road, meowing like it's life depended on it. Turns out, it did. Seconds later, and large truck carrying goods to a local store, barreled in its direction. With only a few seconds to spare, I lunged into the street to save this tiny, helpless being. Did I do the right thing? Ask my four dogs. They might have varying answers depending on who's getting the most attention at the moment.

I've decided to name this little fella Kira, after a project I'm passionate about, and Death Note's famous character, Light Yagami's alter ego, or maybe it's who he was always destined to be?

I've lived most of my life online, and had various levels of relationships with those I've stumble across, but... nothing blossomed into anything worth while. There was that incident last year, with those kids in Duskwood. I say kids, but they were adults, just barely... I still don't know how I got involved with that. Maybe if I didn't find myself online as often... Or if I'd been more forward with Jake... Maybe we'd be somewhere by now, but I didn't. I still don't know where he is... or if he's safe, but it's time to move on, isn't it?

After that, I got roped into a group that was meant for studying, and lost my best friend, in what is now called "The Sign" incident. What a wild ride that was. Most recently, I was part of a group of strangers taking part in "The Healing" with this... mysterious Dr. Crow. That's how my blog took off. Documenting his activities, helping the group through their struggles. It was a LOT, so why is it, that while I lay here in bed, cuddling this tiny kitten, that I feel like something finally has to change?

Maybe I should have considered a more... stable, regular career after the whole Mint Eye Fiasco with the Mystic Messenger 6 years ago, but I didn't. I continued to stumble from one opportunity to the next, blindly, navigating the dark waters of the internet. Giving as much if not more than I took. I've fallen in love, countless times, but I've never been strong enough to... stay in love? Is that how it looks from the outside? I'm weak. I fall quickly, and then just land flat on my face...

As I ponder this post, my phone seems to be updating, but I never authorized that update? Is that something new to this specific device? I've only had it for a few weeks. It's possible, I suppose that you can no longer opt for the update to wait until you're ready. What an inconvenience...

Oh! It's done now! I guess I should take a look at the new features... Wait, what's this! The SSUM... that's not an app I've downloaded myself. Should I click it? I think so. I'll be back with more details once I've spent a little time researching the app and what it's meant for. Maybe this will be another exciting adventure. What do you think?

#the ssum #thessum #the ssum teo #cheritz ssum

[kickingupdust]

Virtual Diary Entry #9

Its been a while. I have been trying to clear my head. Typing all of my thoughts seemed like a good idea, maybe it’d help me organize them, but no… it did not do that. 

I broke up with B, he has bad news written all over him even though I really love him. Or, do I?

I have thought a lot about that, about if I have really loved these people I have fallen and tried so hard for. Did I really love them? Or did I just love the approval and validation they gave me? 

Its hard to know what real love is when you have never experienced it. Or when you have been experiencing it this whole time and just didn’t know. I have realized that real love sucks. Its extremely taxing and not rewarding. It's an ego game. How good can I feel about myself because I have made others feel better? 

Regardless, its only been about two days and I really miss him. I am sure it will subside with time but it does still suck. Its allowed to suck, just not for too long. No need to dwell on someone that only caused me pain. Well, no, let me stop being ungrateful and minimizing and be honest. 

He taught me more about myself in 3 months than I’d been able to realize through years and years of soul searching. 

He was definitely a lesson. 

I have realized I would love anything so long as it paid attention to me. I am just so sick and tired of being invalidated and minimized. I have been shown so little love that I’ll take it in any form it greets me in. Which is not good. Well, maybe to some. Probably to most. 

Boundaries are the single most important thing in life. Ok thats an overstatement but they are extremely important, and I am not good at them. I don’t yet know how to be truly nice and kind. I am trying my best to be benevolent, and remembering that benevolence sometimes must border on maleficence because sometimes doing the bad is the only way to achieve the good in the long run. 

I have a tendency to not give anything I say any merit. So much so that I just don’t say anything. 

Like with this blog, I started it with high hopes of understanding myself better and loving myself better, and organizing my thoughts. And really all it did was give me another reason to hate myself. No one even looks at this, and the simple fact that someone COULD unsettles me to my core. Yet, I still post. 

I have this relationship with myself where I know I must experience discomfort and do things that the rational me may think are bad ideas. They normally are bad ideas, but sometimes you have to have a couple bad ideas. I always forget that you have to fail first. And it shocks and rocks me every time. I know that things change. Yet I am still shaken by change, to an unhealthy degree.  A mindbending ego shattering degree. 

For a while I believe I was just my shadow. 

I wasnt even really here, and nobody cared that I wasn’t. Is it their responsibility to care? Would I have noticed were it someone else? 

I would like to think that I would have, but theres really no way to be sure. 

I just feel really alone. Like I am the only one of my kind, sometimes. Theres so much I do not understand. Things people do for love. Things people do for hate. 

I had been in excruciating mental pain up until recently. I am beginning to liberate myself from the standards society (and my parents) have set for me. It is just quite difficult when you still live with your father and he is one of your biggest haters. Virgos have this things where they cannot give constructive criticism, theyre just flat out hate on you or make you uncomfortable because something you did made them uncomfortable. Very entitled and angry people. Just like me. 

I have been getting more into Vedic astrology recently vs, western. I find I resonate with the traditional practice a bit more, though there are more facets to it. It's deeper and more complicated but I do not mind a challenge. 

I have been setting some arbitrary goals for material items that I want. Nothing else really matters to me. What the fuck am I going to do with achievements? Nobody is going to praise me for what I deserve anyway. They're going to say good job, I bet you could do even better. How about just a good job. I don't need to be any better. 

What I do need to be is less bitter. Because I am quite a lot of that. 

B made me realize how bitter I am. 

I think a large reason why I am so bitter is because of how intelligent I am. I am able to see all of my shortcomings, especially in comparison to others. And I am able to see others shortcomings, and mine in them, and it makes me not want to be around anyone. If something someone is doing or saying doesn’t align with my values I almost instantaneously devalue them in some way. They’ll lose points in empathy or something. Like if someone says something shitty about animals and how they should be treated or something like that, I am immediately inclined to think they don’t have respect for any life form lower than themselves and thus they have some sort of superiority complex, and don’t respect nature. When it is literally not that deep. Some people just do not understand the concept of animals not being objects because they have no experience with them. And I think that is kinda what its like putting myself out into the world. People don’t know how to deal with me because they have never had to deal with something quite like it before. But its like a bad thing. Not totally bad, because sometimes I can be fun or offer up something good. But the bad parts of me instill so much fear in people that it makes me feel like a freak and an outcast. Thats why I cant share my art, my closest friends and loved ones rarely have anything to say about it because it doesnt fit what they have decided I am.

But who cares, right? NO need to do that. B taught me that good. What I think doesn’t matter, and neither does what you think. 

Funnily enough, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be heard. I guess some people really do think the world revolves around them (ahem, me). I am not proud of it but it is important that I realize and accept that I live a very me-centric life, while constantly complaining that I dont get enough this or that. I will probably never be satisfied, and thats something i just need to accept. 

It says alot about me, though Im not really sure what. I wont settle and somehow its a bad thing. 

That attitude I have is exactly my problem though. I am a walking contradiction. And I have finally stopped thinking there is anything I can do about it. If I am not your cup of tea I am simply not your cup of tea. 

I dont like plenty of teas. Like peppermint. It seems like itd be so good but its just horrible. Maybe I thought that because my taste buds were all of out whack due to covid and then the long covid), but theres really no way of knowing. I wish people treated me how I treat peppermint tea. I absolutely hated it, spit it out, and immediately poured it down the sink drain after trying it, but I’d still try it again.

I'm just bad at first impressions.

#rant #infj #heartbreak #deep thoughts #diary #infjproblems #infj thoughts #letting go #journaling #self healing #asd

[userpoe]

you know, in the same vein as my post this morning, I do think I will be slightly taking a step back from fandom (and I’ll get into it a little more under the cut and it’ll prob be pretty messy stream of consciousness but heyo)

when i started focusing my free time on here in 2020, it was to take my mind off of a lot of things happening irl, it was a way to slowly start healing from autistic burnout and reclaim my spins and hobbies like giffing and fanfic writing. and yknow, it worked! i was having a blast and that didn’t change well into 2021. I kind of lurked to start with, besides making gifs, and had my fic library blog to put all my fics there until I opted to bring everything here so I had it all in one spot. 

And it was an excellent, excellent escape from my life. It was fun enjoying my hobbies again, fun to meet and connect with new people! But then fandom slowly starting shifting, the way it so often does, and it’s been really difficult for me since then. There’s a bigger focus on smut anymore (which i am by no means judging, btw, I love reading it, enjoy writing it, etc) but for someone who’s asexual (and more often than not, sex repulsed, tho that’s not really anyone’s business)...it does make the fandom experience a tad..odd to navigate.

That had me feeling out of sorts to start with, and obviously with mk coming out there’s been a lot of ableism that I’ve seen and read, and with it being marvel there’s a lot of noise every week when i log in after wednesday. I get very easily, easily overwhelmed so interacting even on the outskirts of the fanbase has been a sort of sensory overload each week for me...

and yknow. top of that my social anxiety has been Bad with a capital b ever since the start of the year, so knowing that i have people paying attention to me, my thoughts and special interests is uuuuuuuuuuh. nervewracking to say the least.

so...where’s that leave me? I’m not going to leave tumblr, because I enjoy seeing my friends’ posts, it’s nice and stimulating to my adhd brain, I like posting my thoughts where I can find them later. 

But...as for interacting with the fandom communities as a collective is where I think I need to slow my roll for a little bit. I’m still going to write fic of course, and I’ll probably gif every now and then because I have a hell of a lot of fun, but for the most part I just want to take a step back and just kind of...recenter myself for a while because I very much have fallen a little bit back into the headspace I was in when I bailed on fandom in 2019, and yeah. I don’t want this magic to go away again, you know? 

#tegan speaks #...maybe tbd #i don't know yet

[lyracasstuff]

!!!! could i please get hcs for naib and demi (separately) with a princess s/o (fem)? like her role is a princess and all that jazz :D (i recently made a main which is this one, im an idv blog myself i just like requesting things for other blogs :D)

I really really like this request..（・∀・）

Although, please excuse me if these headcannons are shorter for your taste,, I had been busy for quite a while,, and so my brain juices are a little drained...(⌒_⌒;)

Also,, hello fellow idv blogger!!（〜^∇^)〜

Naib and Demi x Fem! Princess! S/o👑✨

Naib Subedar🌛🌌

He would really be shocked and confused as to 1) HOW you got here? And 2) WHY are you here?

You, a ROYAL? Someone who's been sheltered and pampered ALL her LIFE, would PARTICIPATE in a gruesome game like THIS???

He really couldn't understand it..

Although he was very curious about you,, he *did* hold himself back from walking up to you and just bombard you with ALL sorts of questions..

So, it took the both of you some time to be acquainted with each other.. Naib started out small,, like greeting you with a rather stiff and rusty bow in an attempt to "match" with your own elegant courtesy whenever you two crossed paths..( ´ ▽ ` )

Or pulling your seat for you whenever you would sit down and prepare for a match..

To even lending you a hand in carrying your stuff when they were too heavy such as books, clothes, personal hygeine items, hair care, skin care, etc...

(Naib really wonders if you REALLY needed all of your 50 ballgowns and dresses...)

He just really wants you to feel at home despite being trapped in a manor..

On the topic of making you feel at home...

There's another thing aside from doing acts of service: protectiveness

He understands that you were most likely protected and guarded by knights before you went into the manor,, so you *probably* didn't know much about self defense...

So if anyone EVER tries to touch you, be it your hair, your face, your arm..

You can *BET* that Naib is going to be slapping said person's hand away while ushering you to get behind him..

He WILL do this to BOTH survivor OR hunter by the way...(｡･ω･｡)

You were very much pleased by Naib's protection and support,, he was just like your own personal butler and knight back home!!

Over time,, Naib's gestures had gotten bolder and bolder...

He went from doing acts of service, to teaching you how to kite, how to heal, how to rescue, how to vault windows, etc...

However,, you may or may not have teared up from the fact that you accidentally snagged a piece of your favorite dress from trying to put down a pallet...(^_^;)

Naib really panicked at that time.. He knows how to sew open wounds, not dresses and ballgowns!! (◎_◎;)

Nevertheless,, the both of you would still have fun by the end of the day..

Naib really couldn't help but be in love with you... How could he not though?? You were so sweet and elegant in everything that you do..

Even during the moments where you weren't the most elegant,, he still cherished it all the same..( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

Which is why he REALLY couldn't deny his jealousy and saltiness towards Wu chang, Joseph, heck,, even Mary sometimes.. Joseph and Mary are both nobles so OF COURSE you would relate to the aristocratic life,, and Wu chang were GUARDS before they got into the manor,, so OF COURSE they would serve as better protectors than he is..

Then, look at him,, he's nothing more than a man whose ENTIRE job revolves around killing targets that his clients propose.. Well,, at least that's what he thinks anyways..

Be that as it may,, Naib's mind would still be plagued by this thought.. So much so that He doesn't even notice that he's been distancing himself from you...

You aren't the same however... You KNOW that something's been disturbing him, you KNOW that something's upsetting him.. You can literally FEEL it..

And so,, in these times, you would decide to come visit him in his designated room,, all the while comforting him and telling him that while he may not be a noble or a guard,, you still love him regardless of his status and that you are grateful for everything that he's done for you..❤

Naib says nothing,, however, his body language and look of pure love and adoration on his face tells you everything you need to know..❤❤❤

That day has now marked an important event of your lives: the start of a new, blooming relationship..（⌒▽⌒）

First of all,, remember how I talked about his jealousy and protectiveness?? Well,, those just got amplified when you two are confirmed to be in a relationship now..

He sometimes does this thing where if someone wants to speak with you,, Naib would do either of these 2 things: either he asks you if you want to speak to them OR if he's feeling a little selfish with your time,, he just tells them to go "set up an appointment" with you...

He is really astonished at all the different kinds of spoons and forks, all the different etiquettes you follow, the amount of tiaras that you have...

And *especially* at how many relatives that you have.. Which was MUCH larger than the average family size...

((Fun fact: During the Victorian Era, the average family size was actually 6 children.. It had gone down by half by the end of said Era..))

I can't tell why,, but I have this headcannon in my mind that Naib actually prefers more simpler clothing on you.. He just doesn't like too much "eye clutter" per say...

That,, and there's just something so mesmerizing about your regal beauty meshing into the very simple clothing that Naib just finds so.. Heavenly..

All in all,, Naib is just dumbfounded and amazed as to how you had fallen in love with him and just how lucky he is at being with someone like you..

🌛💚🌛💚🌛💚🌛💚🌛💚🌛💚🌛💚🌛💚

Demi Bourbon🍺🍷

Much like Naib,, Demi over here is confused as to what a royal is doing here...

Unlike Naib, however, Demi is more upfront and straightforward and would just walk up to you and ask you directly..

"Woah!! Hey there!! What's a cute lil blueblood doin here??"

You get this question a LOT.. It stuck around for so long that it became an inside joke whenever Demi sees you in the same room as her...╮(─▽─)╭

Now,, she may be a girl,, but don't be fooled... She's surprisingly strong for her physique... So she'll DEFINITELY help you carry your stuff...

Just be prepared to be bombarded with ALL SORTS OF QUESTIONS about your stuff..

"Daaammnnn~ You royals really love your fancy schmancy stuff,, do you??"

"Ooooohhhh~~ A diamond encrusted necklace?? Hey, you wouldn't mind me borrowing it right??"

"This ball gown matches well with one of my costumes! Hey, how about we both dress up? We would REALLY look great together~❤"

You're going to have to get used to these questions someday...（・∀・）

She DOES teach you the basics,, but in all honesty, she never really lets you apply the things that you learned when you're actually in matches...

A hunter is right behind you?? You can bet that Demi will chug down her D.U.P.H.R.I.N, run as fast as she could and sweep you off your feet in a bridal carry..（＾ｖ＾）

"It is I, Your Knight in shining armor!!"

This happens all the time in matches

A hunter is preparing to take a swing on you?? Well,, not on Demi's watch!! Before the hunter can swing their weapon at you, Demi takes one of her bottles and smashes it onto their head...

She DID lose some morality points for that though....

Eventually,, you had to tell Demi that as much as you appreciate her "support", you still have to stand on your own,, ESPECIALLY when Demi is not in the same match as you are..

Demi would *reluctantly* agree and say that she just can't stand the thought of you being hurt, she doesn't want you to be in harm's way because she knows that some survivors *probably* just see you as dead weight,, considering you've been pampered your whole entire life..

Demi would then go on and tell you that she had been taking a liking towards you, and is interested in being in a relationship with you..

"Listen, your highness, I may not be an ACTUAL knight in shining armor, or a prince from some far away land.. But, I'd still want to take a chance at persuing you.. So, what do you say? Will you allow me to take a chance at wooing your heart??"

You of course say yes,, besides, you don't really care if she is of noble blood or not.. Her bold and daring personality is what made you like her..

And thus,, your relationship has started!!

Demi gets a *little* protective over you,, ESPECIALLY when someone's trying to flirt with you..

"Ah, ah, ah, she's mine~~"

"Oi, she's already taken, you idiot! How about go flirtin with someone who's NOT TAKEN???"

Demi over here doesn't really have any problem regarding jealousy,, if anything,, YOU might be the one having some jealousy problems here and there..

Because Demi practically flirts with anything and everything..

Never fear!! Demi would ALWAYS be there to give you reassurance that you're her one and only..( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

After that,, she'll tone down her flirty nature by a couple of notches so as to not worry you too much...

Demi would also serve you drinks!! For FREE!!(ノ^o^)ノ

The best part about this is that,, not only are you getting it for free, but you're also getting the FINEST quality...

And she serves your drink in the most dramatic way possible,, all accompanied by a cheeky wink at the end..😉

"Only the FINEST for your highness~❤"

Overall,, your relationship with Demi is surely an exciting and playful one! But don't let that make you think that Demi doesn't take you seriously..

Because she does!! And she will ALWAYS take your relationship seriously!!❤❤❤

🍺🍷🍺🍷🍺🍷🍺🍷🍺🍷🍺🍷🍺🍷🍺🍷

Author's note: I apologize if these headcannons are shorter and a bit "lackluster" for everyone's taste.. As stated before,, I had been busy as of late, so I wasn't able to regain much of my brain juices to write properly like usual..

Nevertheless,, I still hope that you enjoyed reading these headcannons!! (⌒_⌒;)(*´∀`*)

Until next time!! See you all in my next post!!ヾ(＠^∇^＠)ノ💚

#identity v #identity v imagines #identity v headcanons #identity v x reader #identity v mercenary #identity v naib #naib x reader #naib subedar #identity v barmaid #demi bourbon #idv headcanons #idv imagines #idv mercenary #idv naib #idv x reader #idv barmaid #idv demi

[hela-avenger]

To the Stars Who Listen- Part 14

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 1480

Summary: When Loki desires to never fall in love, he casts a spell to prevent such a thing from happening. Except, well, in the matters of love and magic, you never know the result it may have in the end. Loki x Reader

A/N: Once again, apologies for the delay! And more apologies for what’s to come. 

Tags are open! (Send me an ask/message/response.)

TTSWL Masterlist

It’s only Natasha, Steve, and you in the lab. Everyone else was told to stay away for the meeting with Doctor Strange. He should be seeing you any minute now but you had yet to hear word from FRIDAY of his arrival to the tower. His incoming tardiness only served to amplify the tense silence in the room. 

Natasha and Steve were under the impression that you had no idea of the secret they were keeping when in reality you knew the real truth for Doctor Strange’s involvement. You had yet to tell them that you knew and you had already resolved not to confess that to them knowing their guilt would be too much to bear at the moment. 

Late or not, you just hoped that this doctor would be able to reverse the damage done and allow you to go back to the life you had. 

You were over the random confessions you pulled out of your friends and the constant fear of this power potentially killing you. You just wanted to return to your life as an Avenger who only had the power of your own human body to face the world. 

You were content in being normal. 

Yes, people lied to you and spoke half-truths. Yes, they kept secrets and withheld information. None of that was new, but being a lie detector… being able to sense all of that now was taking its toll. 

You longed for the days in which you were blissfully ignorant of all that. 

The clock strikes twelve and Natasha lets out a sigh.

“For a highly awarded surgeon, I would have sure hoped he knew the importance of being punctual…”

As the last words left her mouth, a gold ring starts to appear at the end of the room and a figure steps out. 

The man is donned in a red cape, blue robes, and a glowing amulet laid on his chest. 

“Agent Romanoff,” he greets. “I’m Doctor Strange. I believe we spoke on the phone.” 

Natasha smiles politely swallowing back her recent words, “Yes. Thank you for coming. We have a special case and we’re hoping you’ll be able to help us.” 

Doctor Strange glances at Steve who offers a nod in greeting before turning to look at you. He takes a step closer and you straighten up on your seat. He looks at you from head to toe with a calculating gaze.

“May I look at your hands?”

You offer them to him and he takes them into his own. You notice the array of scars and the slight tremble of his palms. 

The question burns in your mind of the story untold on his skin and he takes notice. 

“Car accident and multiple surgeries,” he answers as if he read your mind. “A lot of nerve damage. Not much could be done on the medical side.” 

“But the mythical had a solution?” you ask. 

Doctor Strange stops his inspection and looks into your eyes. For the first time since he’s appeared, he dons a small smile. 

“Yes,” he answers. 

You wish you could smile back. Doctor Strange seemed like a closed off character that held a hidden warmth. The makings of a good friend and future ally if need be. Except, you weren’t in the best of moods since Loki’s revelations the prior night. 

Doctor Strange releases your hands soon after. 

“When was the last time you used your siphons?” 

“Yesterday morning.” 

“And the stones haven’t been overcharged yet?” 

You look down at the palm of your hands and frown when you realize that the stones were sitting normally. Loki had warned you that you had to use your siphons daily to avoid overcharging and breaking them. 

With everything running in your mind, you hadn’t realized that alarming detail that laid so blatantly in your hands. 

“I- I didn’t notice,” you stammer out. “They should be lit up by this point…” 

Doctor Strange frowns. 

“What does that mean?” Steve asks. “Is her power fading away?” 

“Not at all. In fact, I would say it's the opposite,” Doctor Strange answers. “You were right, Agent Romanoff. It seems like her body has evolved to the point in which it is able to retain the power of Veritas. The siphons are still helpful but they will no longer become necessary for her.”

A silence accompanies his statement as Natasha and Steve turn to look at you. The secret they were keeping is out and it was obvious from your tired expression that you already knew about it. 

“That’s uh… That’s great,” you mumble. “Any way I can reverse what’s been done?” 

Steve and Natasha call out your name.

“We should talk about this…” 

You ignore them. You didn’t need to hear their explanation. You just wanted to hear a solution from the local expert.  

“Doctor Strange,” you speak again. “Is there any way I can go back to how I was?” 

He hesitates and you knew then that the answer would be no. 

“Had I been consulted earlier, perhaps something could have been done or at least the risks would be minimal, but as your body has been impacted and changed by this power any kind of reversal would wind up killing you. The power of Veritas is ingrained in your DNA now and if I were to remove it, I would remove your life essence too.” 

You block out the rest of his explanation. Not as if it was directed at you anymore seeing as Steve and Natasha were still asking questions and attempting to find a cure elsewhere. 

They’re all so focused on scrapping up a solution that you’re able to slip out of the lab without them noticing. 

You don’t know where you’re going. You blackout for a few minutes until your mind clears up enough to find yourself on Thor’s residential floor. Specifically, right in front of Loki’s room. 

You knock and Loki is quick to answer. 

“Little mortal,” he greets. “Meeting cut short?” 

You look up at him and a burning anger starts to burn deep inside you. 

“Tell me you didn’t know.” 

His amusement falters. His true feelings revealed now that the mask has fallen. Concern laced his features but you don’t care about the truth anymore.

“Didn’t know what?” 

“Tell me you didn’t know that this could have been reversed,” you tell him. “That I could have been back to normal had we consulted other sources. Tell me you didn’t know.” 

Loki remains silent and the mask rises again. You are quick to tear it down as you push him back. 

“Tell me the truth!” you yell. “Did you or did you not know?!” 

Loki glares down at you but you weren’t afraid of him. Your body was evolved to the same kind of strength and power that he had. You were equals now as much as you hated it. 

“So what if I did?” he asks in return. “You were presented a gift and look how blessed you are now. Your skills as a warrior are amplified by strength. You are immune to illnesses and mortal weakness. You are a truth-seeker and can pull out secrets and confessions from anyone.” 

Loki peers down at you.

“Thanks to me, you are a Goddess among men.” 

Your anger turns to rage. 

You don’t know if it’s because of the credit he’s handing to himself or that he admits to turning your life around for his own amusement.

No, it takes a second to realize that it’s because he’s lying to you.

He’s lying about everything. 

Loki knows that he is and you can’t comprehend why he would still do it when he knows you’ll sense it.

“You’re selfish,” you tell him. “And you’re cruel.” 

Loki feigns indifference but you can tell the damage you’re inflicting. You’re better than this but Loki has damaged you enough and you are done playing his game. 

“You used my situation to broker a deal, but the deal is done,” you tell him. “My body has evolved to the point that I will no longer die from this power. I will no longer need the siphons nor your guidance. From this day forward, you and I… we are no longer friends.”

You think you see fear in his eyes but it’s quickly gone and it intensifies your fury. 

As much as you hoped, Loki could not release himself from the role he’s chosen to play. 

You wanted him to fight. You wanted him to rip off that mask he’s always donning. 

Loki had never been a villain to you. Not until recently. 

He had always been honest with you but he’s stopped. You had no idea what changed and why he started to lie to your face so blatantly. 

It hurt and with this pain, you decided to wield it against him too. 

“Forget my name. Forget everything. We’re strangers again.”

TTSWL Tag: @catsladen @manyfandoms-marvel @mejusttryintogetby @illogicalfangirl @islinglivesinshire @musicconversedance @missmadwoman @smaranshakthi @adaydreamingdragon @poetic-fiasco @like-a-wildfire @jasminecalia @ha-tep @charbokbok @setsuna-meiou31 @ms-blvck @country-cowgirl-101 @bepo-is-sorry @hufflautia @waitforthehurricanrose @fictionalhoomanofnowhere @sanniegirl1214 @telenari @anonymouscastiel12 @ddaeing @kanemilove @casualdreamerdreamer @dark-night-sky-99 @nickkie1129​ @mischiefmanaged71​ @help-i-need-a-social-life​ @moncheriemoony​ @citrineasguardian​​

Loki Tag: @unicorniorosacomefrutillas @thesilentbluesparrow-blog @oddly-drawn-muse @josiehosiedaninja @hp-hogwartsexpress @sadwaywardkid @wolf-lover74 @sizzlingbarbarianglitter @sigyn-nightshade @aoirohi @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @just-a-donut-who-reads @day-dreaming-fox @heykathchuu @is-it-madness​ @writingletterstothefire​ ​@nonsensicalobsessions​

All Works Tag: @jmb959 @astudyoftimeywimeystuff @hellocookiecutter @steve-rogers-personal-hell @buckybarnesyard @not-zari-tak @strangersstranger @thefridgeismybestie @moonlightprime @badhollandfluff @what-a-flammable-heart @fandoms-allovertheplace @polireader​ @hufflautia

#loki x reader #loki x you #loki x ofc #loki x oc #prince loki x reader #prince loki x ofc #prince loki x oc #prince loki x you #loki series #loki fanfic #loki fic #reader-insert #reader fic #you fic #prince loki #Prince Loki of Asgard #loki odinson #Loki Laufeyson #loki #ttswl #ttswl part 14 #ttswl masterlist #practical magic au #avengers au #marvel au #thor au #love spell #fluff #angst

[slashingdisneypasta]

Inkubus x Vampire!Fem!Reader || Oneshot

Title: Always There

Notes:

I think outta all Englund's characters on this blog, I like writing for Inkubus the most. Which is criminal seeing as I write for him the least. I need to change that haha.

Plot: You meet up with a very old friend of yours and you spend some time catching up. And he's so clearly in love with you, its unbelievable and torturous to him that no matter what he does, you don't notice.

Warnings: A very unreliable narrator (In terms of particular other peoples clear feelings for her), BLOOD, DRINKING BLOOD, DRAINING SOMEONE OF BLOOD (But in a sort of polite way? Hah), MENTIONS OF AN ABUSIVE EX PARTNER, vampires and incubus'.

The smell of iron and petrichor fills your nostrils, disgusting and refreshing and also, just... relieving... in equal measure filling you up as you kneel by the victim - the man you'd chosen, - for tonight; A needle and tube attached to a blood bag between your fingers and digging into the poor mans neck.

You hate doing this, knowing this guy will be weak and sick feeling for the next day - maybe two depending on how much you take from him, - without understanding why. But, its for sure better then the alternative- which is just digging in right here and now with your teeth. That's messy, and the marks you leave behind aren't easy to explain away as 'animal attacks' anymore.

You need the blood, but you aren't a savage, jeez. You always catch any new vampire movies or shows together with your daughter and watch those actors with blood all over their chins, and think... How old are these vamps supposed to be?? 300 hundred years old!?

And they don't know how to eat without getting it all over their face?

Pfft! Rolling your eyes, you gently shake your head at the memories of bloody Edward Cullen and Lestat and Damon Salvetore swimming around in your head as watch the man's breathing. To be fair, you love them all - Twilight, Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Diaries, Nosferatu, Vampires Vs the Bronx, etc, - but that's just because its more fiction then truth- and that's coming from an honest to goodness bloodsucker.

Finally deciding you've taken enough without truly hurting the man, you put pressure on his neck and pull out the needle, carefully wipe away any mess with a cotton ball from your bag and put a band aid on him.

"Now," You talk firmly, softly, as you look into his eyes - which are dull, almost sleeping. A nice touch to the docile state you put your victims, in so they can at least not feel any pain or fear while you're collecting your feed, - , hands on his shoulders. "You're not going to remember this, or me. You're going to get a taxi home," You tuck some money in his shirt pocket, a thank you for his service; Its the least you could do. "Then get into bed and have a wonderful sleep with lots of lovely dreams. Thank you so much."

After you watch the man get up, still in a bit of daze but shaking it off - and not even noticing your presence, crouched down by where he's standing, - and leave the alleyway, you carefully pack away the blood bag and the tube and needle (In a separate plastic bag, for you to clean and sanitise when you get home) in your satchel and finally get back up, wrapping the strap over your head and resting it on your shoulder.

Brushing a hand through your hair, you turn to leave the alleyway and go home- when a familiar voice speaks up from the very back of the alley- and immediately your hopes rise.

"You look even more beautiful every time I see you."

You smile, peering into the darkness. "Oh, that's very sweet... but you and I both know I look like trash. I haven't eaten for a week!" When he just chuckles back, you tilt your head and waive him over. "Come out here so I can see you!; When did you get into town?"

Gracefully - more so then even you can manage, being a goddamn vampire, - Inkubus slips out of the darkness and you're happy to see he looks well. Its been forever since you say him last - 40 years? 70? - and you always have it in the back of your head for some reason that next time you see your friend, it'll be the last time. So its always lovely when he turns up and looks just as healthy as he always does.

"Oh I just got here; Thought I would come see you immediately. Otherwise you might nag at me." This time you chuckle, rolling your eyes. His eyes flicker to your satchel. "Collecting our dinner our we?"

"Yep! Smells like A Negative, my favourite. When was the last time you ate?"

"Ohh, a couple weeks ago. I'm due for my next fill soon, though... any suggestions?"

"No," Scrunch up your nose, you put a lot of emphasis on your response; See, you don't subscribe to the notion that monsters like the two of you have to act all blasé and cocky about the terrible things they must do. Apart from these night time trips to find breathers to bleed, you live a... mostly... normal life! So no- you definitely don't know anyone he can make his next victim.

And Inkubus knows this, which is why he laughs and you roll your eyes again at him, fixing the satchel on your shoulder. "So- " Again his eyes flicker to your bag, this time with meaning. A cheeky grin flits across his lips. "Want to get a drink?"

Smiling, you turn on your heel, you loop your arm through his and lead the way. "So have you been?"

___TIME SKIP___

4 hours later and the two of you are still stewing at a 24-Hour-Diner you frequent - seeing as you don't really sleep that much, - and are onto your 9th drinks at this point. You two may not see each other too often since the 1400's and went your separate ways in the world, but you never go longer then a hundred years - preferably 80 maximum, - without seeing each other and when you do- you have a lot to say. Filling each other in on what you've missed in each others lives is always a... disorientating experience, at times, but you must do it. You couldn't survive in a world where you didn't know what was happening in your best friends life. That would just be too lonely.

See, Inkubus is the only one you know - still, to this day, - who knew you when you were human, aside from the man referred to very nearly exclusively as 'Dick for brains' - being your daughters father, - and while having human friends who can make you feel normal again, is wonderful... so is feeling normal, in what you actually are currently. And that's not human. That's thousands and thousands of years old and a mystery to scientists. And, seeing as he's a literal demon... that's a very easy service for him to provide.

A waitress walks by to pick up you empty glasses and looks oddly at your personal tumbler. You clearly weren't meant to notice, but you do of course, and unassumingly shrug. "Bloody Mary... don't tell." You give her a conspiratorial wink, and she chuckles, walking off.

When you look back to Inkubus, he looks ready to make a joke so you give him a timid shrug. "Well, there is vodka and Tobasco sauce in it!... " He smirks, but lets it go- seeing as your words were funny enough.

"And how is Bethany? Has she seen her father lately...?" Your eyebrows arch, hearing Inkubus ask about him; Dick for Brains, Beth's father and the bane of your long, long existence. Obviously, seeing as the bastard impregnated you with his literal spawn of hell causing you to die during childbirth at age 26 so he could then turn you into a vampire, made you raise your daughter alone- and then returned 20 years later just to turn Beth into a vampire as well and claim that you can all be a 'proper family now'... you aren't a huge fan of the guy. And talking about him you don't do often, as it causes a horrible clenching feeling in your stomach and heart. Luckily, Inkubus is one of the few people who is allowed to make you feel that way. Him, and Beth.

You sigh, taking a slow sip of your drink through the matching metal straw and metal tumbler set Beth got your last mothers day (So as to hide the fact that its blood inside), you wonder what to say... "Beth's great, as always... she's fallen in love with a human, though. That can only end brilliantly." Shaking your head, you look to Inkubus to see his reaction and catch him rolling his eyes, smirking. Yep. "Um, and... yes. There has been contact with Dick for Brains... He recently, like... 20 years ago? turned up at her place in Egypt, and wouldn't leave till I had to fly down there and shoo him away." You grit your teeth. There is so much wrong with that man- you do honestly with you had never met him sometimes. That's horrible, you know, as if you hadn't met him you wouldn't have had Beth and she's the light of your life, but... at times like that instance? When he troubles her?

Its hard to not wish his existence away.

"Do you want me to speak with him?... Again... ?" Your gaze returns to Inkubus again, feeling at ease the moment your minds back in the diner with him and not in your head with Dick for Brains; Eyes softening. The idea is tempting, unbelievably tempting... And it would keep your friend around awhile longer. "That always seems to win you a couple hundred years of reprieve."

Taking a deep, needless breath - an anxious habit, - you set down your tumbler and shake your head. "No, that's okay... thank you for the offer, though. He seems to be giving up, slowly, finally. But damn, its taken him long enough to get the hint, huh?"

"Far too long." Inkubus' voice is bitter and dark, talking about your ex- and his eyes are reading much different. You know if you let him, he would kill Derek... but you cant do that. If anyone's going to kill him, it would be you or Beth, and neither of you are there yet. Inkubus takes a deep breath, relaxing again like a chameleon changing its colours. "Anyway, love; Onto prettier business. How did that thing go, that you had with that Djinn half a century ago. You seemed quite optimistic about that one."

A fluttering of laughter immediately comes out of you and Inkubus' truly cheers up at the sight of it, and you just look at him and shake your head; An awkward toothless smile on your lips. Ha! No.

His brows arch, laughter in his eyes. "Didn't end well?"

"That ended up being the shortest affair I've ever had and that's saying something." Brushing hair back from your face, you chew on your bottom lip. "You'd think after nearly 10 centuries, I'd learn... Oh- wait- make that 10 and nearly a half, centuries... Boy, am I clueless."

"Clueless about what, love?" You're just breathing in to respond, when a cheeky look crosses Inkubus' familiar face. "I mean, you are quiet clueless- about plenty of things. But specifically, this time."

You scrunch up your nose at him in response, grinning, before once again chewing on your bottom lip. "... I'm just not the woman that gets proposed to." You shrug, as if its no big deal; Even though your heart bleeds saying it out loud for the first time, to someone that matters and not just your ex-therapist, Julie. Setting your drink on the table in front of you, you idlily twist it. "Obsessed over and stalked, yes." You grin, a tinge of sadness to it. "Fucked, yes. Dated even, yes. But married?... Ha, no... "

His eyebrows climb up his forehead even more, before he softly smiles and pats your hand. "I asked you to marry me, all those years ago, sweetheart. Remember?" He reminds you gently, and you cant help giving a soft smile back at your well-meaning friend.

"Oh, yes of course I do. That was very sweet, but... I mean for love, you know? Not because I'm pregnant and alone."

Inkubus sighs, slightly frustrated, and leans back in his seat. "Mhmmm... " Rubbing a finger under his nose, he quickly clears his throat. Then he reaches his hand further up your arm to lay it on your forearm, running his thumb comfortingly across your skin. "Love, I'm sure that you'll find someone. Perhaps multiple someone's. Or, maybe, you don't need to find anyone new."

A little smile twitches at your lips as you pick up his hands and hold it on the table in both of yours. "... Maybe." For a split millisecond, your friend smiles. Sighing wistfully, you shrug. "Maybe I can learn to be happy alone. I mean, I like my life. I like my daughter, I like my job, I like my patterns... Maybe I don't need a man." Immediately his smile disappears and he rolls his eyes.

"You definitely don't need a man." He sighs, frowning. "But one can be good for a few things, no?"

"Hey." You set him with a stern look. "I thought we were making me feel better, about not having one?"

"Oh, you're right. I rescind my comment."

"You better." A cheeky grin crosses your face.

He looks back at it, the cheeky grin of yours, and the smile returns to his face.

~

The sun is warming up when you're on your way home, Inkubus beside you with his arms folded carefully behind his his back and your hands stuffed in your leather jacket pockets; One arm linked affectionately through his. You're an odd sight, you're sure, to any early morning commuters. You, and your barely-out-of-college looking self walking so close - and so domestically. A fact that is lost on you but not on the smug demon walking beside you, - to a man that currently looks to be in his 60's-70's age-wise.

Not that either of you care.

"Well, this is my place! Whatdaya think?" You ask, letting him go in order to unlock the door or the townhouse apartment and push open the door. He walks on in past you, looking around and you watch a soft smile grace his handsome features. "You like it?"

"Much better then the hole in the wall you thought was a good idea to show me in Transylvania- took everything in me not to sweep you away somewhere safer... with fewer mould spores... " He turns to look at you over his shoulder, a mischievous smirk on his mouth as you scrunch up your nose at him, before smiling.

"Well then, Mr Judgmental... I guess you don't want to know, that I chose this wallpaper cuz of you."

That definitely catches his attention, more then anything else you've said. He turns around in a full 360, assessing the wallpaper before looking curiously at you. "You... you chose this wallpaper because of... me? How so?"

You shrug, still leaning back against the open front door- sunlight filtering through the doorway. "The colour is very you. Its got 'Inkubus' vibes. You know," Raising your brows at him, you smirk. "Eccentric, full of itself." At that cheeky remark, he says 'Ha ha', sarcastically. "And, I guess, I missed you. Sooo... yeah... wallpaper."

"Hm... " Looking really far too pleased about this, looking a lot more engrossed by the home then before- but mostly the wallpaper. "This place is looking better, suddenly... "

"Like I said- Full of itself." You roll your eyes, laughing. Then you push off the door, push it closed with your foot and then go to pass by Inkubus to hit the livingroom. "Oh! The book! The one we were talking about at the diner- I'll find it for you! Come on- "

"Y/N." A hand curls gently around your arm, at the perfect moment so that you don't get yanked back with the force of your travelling and instead you just coat to a careful halt at Inkubus' side.

Blinking up at him curiously, wondering what he needed you for so suddenly, you tilt your head to the side. "Yes?"

For a good moment, he just looks at you whilst you become worried. What is happening? Every second that passes by, more and more ridiculous ideas cross your mind.

Finally, the man tilts his head slightly in sincerity.

"Sweetheart, are you ever going to see how ridiculously in love with you I am?"

And... for all of the disastrous and ridiculous possibilities that came to mind when he was saying nothing, you had a response. To this, you just stand their dumbly, your shoulders dropping and just looking at him in total shock. "... wel- uh- um... a few more hundred years?" You feel like a ton of bricks has just been dropped on top of you. "Maybe?" You squeak. You actually squeak.

And of course, you squeaked. You'd be surprised if you had managed to keep your composure after a confession like that. Here's this beautiful man, who against all foreseeable odds understands you, and cares about your kid, and whom you love... and somehow he's telling you that he loves you? That, for some reason, he wants you?

Is there something wrong with him?

There must be. Something terribly, horrible, irreversibly offensive that you aren't already aware of.

But you rack your brain and theirs nothing. Nothing, at all, that you can figure that would make you turn away from him right now.

He smiles a little bit at your awkward reaction, and lets go of your wrist in favour of tucking some hair back behind your ear. "Do you quite mind if I kiss you now?"

Your breath hitches, it actually hitches, like a tiny shy anime girl who's giant crush just got down on his knees in front of her for whatever reason, and you have to fight to pull yourself together; Rolling your shoulders back, hands on your hips. Totally, and translucently fake confident. "Um- you know? I don't?"

God, you are a centuries old vampire; Your vernacular should be yards better then this.

And then kisses you.

Oh god- And then he kisses you.

Because you're suddenly struck hard in the face with a million words and phrases, from current to boomer-speak to old fashioned to forgotten, to describe it but mostly you're just wondering why in the world you hadn't been doing this the whole damn time. Your hands find the sides of his coat in order to steady yourself, and pull him closer as you carefully tilt your head into the kiss. It comes so naturally, the kissing does. Between you and him. Its like, despite the bounds of your relationship never having reached this level before, you know exactly how to kiss each other. There's no awkwardness or searching. You just fit.

When finally, you slowly end the kiss, you fail to open your eyes for a good moment, before cracking them open slightly, half lidded and flickering up to his eyes.

And you take a deep, unnecessary breath and step away, torturously out of Inkubus' personal space. "... holy shit." You have so many questions... None of which touch on how exactly you're feeling because you get that much, at least.

But you cant help but wonder why- and for how long this has been brewing and how long exactly that you missed it- and how the hell this is going to work-

He follows you, thank god, a roguish yet soft look on his face. "Maybe we should take this to the livingroom, love. I promise, I can explain everything to you."

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