#mostly bc. i realized too late there was a pacing issue

[bonus-links]

RUINS, pt. 6

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#DOUBLE UPDATE #mostly bc. i realized too late there was a pacing issue #but i already made the pages so #have them #main comic #bonus links #bonuslinks #bonuslinksdotjpg #skyward sword #breath of the wild #botw #loz au #loz #tloz #the legend of zelda

[sigmashuffle]

I have a question!! So I’m a long-time BSD enjoyer but I haven’t read nearly as much of the manga as I would like. I’ve seen all of the anime though, most of it multiple times through. I didn’t realize until looking at the comments on Danny Motta’s video at how much people fucking hate Fukuchi and his sword. Up until this point I’ve thought it’s cool as hell and he, along with the sword, bring something kinda new and fun to the series.

HOWEVER, I know BSD is FAR from perfect and there’s a lot of dumb shit that faithful manga readers have a better perspective on. Would you mind explaining why Fukuchi and the sword are such a sore point? I hope this isn’t too much to ask. I just really want to know.

Hi anon! Its not too much to ask at all!

Unfortunately the answer to that is best explained in the context of ALL the issues I have with the manga/show so... this is going to be v long... and im done giving this show more credit than it deserves but don't take it that seriously lol I hesitate to even consider my pov to be on par with the average manga reader but ig we'll see how my opinions hold up after i post

And disclaimer: I don't mind answering this but ONLY with the context that this is 100% my opinion (as of late, bsd as a whole has just been REALLY bugging me so im just gonna take this opportunity to explain my gripes since most of them apply to or tie greatly into fukuchi's character/design/motivations/development)

I simply don't want anyone to come for my head bc of anything I say here tho, bc I feel like I may disagree with a large portion of the fanbase but WITH THAT SAID...

***from this point forward there will be a few spoilers from s5e11***

Here are my gripes with BSD...

1. BSD and its "magic system"?

bsd powers suffer from what i like to call a "lack of scope"

granted this could be due to the fact the story isnt complete HOWEVER im sure any anime fan can tell you this story doesnt feel like it is leading anywhere its just... going... (ill get to the awful pacing later)

for comparison sake im going to also talk about The Case Study of Vanitas since it is the world I have the most experience in

what does BSD not have that VNC does?

simply put, the magic system doesnt reinvent itself character to character

in VNC if you have an ability it is EXCLUSIVELY connected to "manipulations of the world formula" which is essentially elemental control (fire, ice, gravity, etc.) based on a sci fi version of chemistry (alchemy, if you will) and this rule applies to EVERY CHARACTER in VNC

its a structure that starts developing from the beginning

BSD however introduces a WHOLE NEW magic system for each character

some character abilities are similar, yes, and can be classified as such, but many cannot be classified

again a magic system doesnt NEED to have strict rules (its actually more boring that way if the rules are too simple) but it DOES need RULES... and solid ones

otherwise its tempting to use the MAGIC system to fill in PLOT RELATED gaps

and if that system isnt defined, well, to me that looks like lazy/sloppy/illogical writing

if you like the whiplash of not knowing whats gonna happen next, fine, (i did for awhile too!) up until the unpredictability started to come from powers that as a whole look like an authors way of trying to write themselves out of their own plot hole

ie: time travel

specifically time travel that isnt introduced FROM THE BEGINNING...

2. Fukuchi and his "deus ex machina" sword

time travel is NOTORIOUSLY difficult to pull off and especially by my standards

I have watched Doctor Who since 2008, before I even knew what tumblr was I was doing my own solo fandom stuff (basically just watching a LOT of youtube video essays) but basically I have high standards when it comes to time travel in stories

Amenogozen has the POTENTIAL to be a great weapon if used in a logical context... but theres one thing the sword (and BSD as a whole) does not follow

RULES

time travel is TRICKY mostly bc it has consequences... in BSD fukuchi gives nothing in exchange for his powers

lets even toss time travel aside for the moment

what is Fukuchi's innate special ability? Mirror Lion... (read below)

its essentially an attack multiplier of x100 at CLOSE RANGE

lets say your average untrained human punch is 150psi (pounds per square inch) which is the pressure equivalent of a point 100m below the surface of the ocean...

with Mirror Lion's multiplier you get 15,000psi which would be 10,000m or 10 kilometers

a pressure equivalent to the deepest part of the ocean (i dont need to remind you how powerful water is... we all know about oceangate)

MY POINT IS HE'S OVERPOWERED AS FUCK

dont even get me started on his motivations too

im glad we got backstory for him in ep 11 and im sure we are just supposed to sum up his motivations into "he was willing to pay the high price for world peace" but tbh royally fuck that

dont TELL me thats what he believes

PROVE to me how you made that conclusion

also the only reason he even dies is becasue he wants fukuzawa to kill him... we dont have any sense of accomplishment for stopping his scheme because NOW the scheme has been PLOPPED right into fukuzawa's lap which fukuchi intended to do from the start... apparently

and this seemingly retroactive decision-making is a problem A LOT of bsd characters have, especially the one and only character i hate THE MOST... *drumroll*

3. Osamu fucking Dazai

oh boy...

I have thought long and hard about Dazai... im not going to lie, after ch109 and ep10 I was about to admit Dazai might actually have grown on me BUT

this was all erased after 6 minutes into ep11 when he was confirmed to indeed NOT be dead

Dazai just *knows* everything thats gonna happen

Chuuya was never a vamp... he knew this... and somehow his ENTIRE escape plan was just hinging on that? bc yknow... hE kNeW fRoM tHe bEgiNniNg

OSAMU DAZAI IS A PLOT DEVICE USED *ONLY* TO FILL IN NARRATIVE HOLES

HE IS A WAY TO FORCE PROGRESS ON A STORY WITHOUT EVER GIVING A REAL EXPLANATION

HIS CHARACTER IS AN INSULT TO INTELLIGENCE

His character is paper thin, with motivations that do not translate to his actions

and frankly... im tired of it...

additionally... if sigma doesn't survive, all of Meursault was literally useless... so why pick him for nikolai's prison break game?

even if he does, it means the ONLY thing we get out of the arc is information about fyodor... as to WHAT information, who knows... but regardless, a villain arc that has been going on for TOO GODDAMN LONG (40 chapters?) should have a resolution that isnt "i knew what was gonna happen all along"

we spent the whole time being SHOWN that fyodor and dazai were of equal intelligence levels... or at least higher than what dazai was used to dealing with

if dazai could just predict shit like this from the beginning why was fyodor a villain for so long? makes ZERO sense, dazai would've defeated him AGES ago... what makes THIS time any different?

also... why is he even suicidal? yeah ok the author was... but like... why make it such a present character trait?... so we can fake kill him over and over? idk

can you tell i dislike him?

4. THEORY vs PRACTICE

I am a "show dont tell" girlie

ALL BSD DOES IS "TELL TELL TELL" ...its infuriating

almost every power/special ability has an element of "trust me bro" ok SOME OF THEM DONT but most of them do

ie: atsushi is a tiger (what does that even mean), kenji gets strong when he's angry (ok hulk?), and THIS JUST IN we STILL don't know how fyodor's ability works... and now he's DEAD?... we also dont know almost any detail about sigma's ability and he might ALSO be dead

but thats only regarding abilities...

when it comes to writing stories using people of high intelligence it is VERY difficult to not get into the aforementioned "trust me bro" mindset which BSD does REPEATEDLY

im not listing off every example but off the top of my head is one scene from s4...

ranpo explains his plan for saving yosano loosely involved "replacing the engine [of an armored vehicle] with an electric motor and playing engine sounds over the speakers so no one noticed" ...and only i can pick this claim to shreds lol (i engineer electric vehicles for a living) but this is so wrong on so many levels...

Internal combustion engines and Electric motors are IN NO WAY EQUIVALENT

ranpo would never be able to power a vehicle the size of an armored truck with a motor that he installed an hour before the truck was put to use... he just wouldnt... the vehicle is too big... ugh *facepalm*

and dont even get me started on batteries...

MY POINT IS

if you want to write some *genius move* at least TRY to do some research to make the action believable

thats like saying "oh yeah i ran out of gas so a threw a couple AA batteries into my gas tank until i could make it to the station"

BUT THAT WOULDNT FLY BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE KNOW THATS NOT HOW CARS WORK

*sigh*

5. Manga Readers' POV

the.chapters.are.too.short

especially for a monthly released manga

i am relatively new to anime and manga... like late 2020, so I am part of the "new gen" I guess you could say so i know i dont have any right to complain about pacing in comparison to like... the dressrosa arc of One Piece

with that said, not enough in bsd BUILDS on itself

it all feels like a self "one-up"

its been too long since any of my large questions have been answered

honestly its rare that any of my questions are ever answered because the narrative rarely follows logical progression anyway and any scenes thats ARE useful are cut from the anime

characters do not *develop* their powers, they just simply ARE

whatever ability you are born with limits what you can do and thats that... which leads me to...

6. Types of Ability Users

the most coherent thing i think i can speak on so this will be short lol

there are 3 types... i think (excluding lightnovels, i have not read 15, Stormbringer, or any others)

(1) natural abilities (ones that can be nullified by dazai or stolen like in Dead Apple)

(2) human/god fusions (chuuya) -> but this can ALSO be nullified???

(3) when an ability isnt an ability (it CANT be nullified) -> ie: whatever the fuck Lovecraft is

Sigma -> ??? (he could be part of the natural ability category but like... it feels weird to put him there)

but... there is never a comparison between these types so im not even sure of this "list" is exhaustive

this is just another way the story is leaving open ways to dig itself out of a plot hole... which isnt fun... bc now there are no stakes... there are no rules... its disorganized chaos where anything can happen

everyone will always be fine because there is a way out of everything

and thats BORING... and for me, downright infuriating

fukuchi likely falls into the first category... but then again he's also using a tool from another ancient ability user... so does he even fit there?

7. Anime Adaptation

rushed

rushed

RUSHED

and i know why...

BSD is so thin on STABLE plot the story would feel like its dragging if Bones wasn't animating at the pace they are (see Manga Readers' POV)

so to try and counteract the feeling that nothing is happening they are cutting "irrelevant" scenes BUT ALSO important portions relevant ones (ie: aku's death)

do all the plot points from the manga happen? by definition, yes... but the nuance the manga has is lost almost entirely

Atsushi doesn't physically throw an injured Aku's arm over his shoulders... Aku doesn't smile upon his demise... Aku doesn't reach out through the fog of the fire extinguisher (the adaptation of this scene was personally my last straw)

and then we have the new anime content...

why did we tack on an additional fight? zero context... didn't even tie up loose ends from fukuchi like...

is sigma alive?

are chuuya/dazai/nikoali still in france? europe?

is fyodor going to return in some way? (we know nothing of his motives, ability, or MOST importantly, what information did he learn from Sigma??? his ability is an EXCHANGE so why even have that happen if they are both dead anyway?) why would you fucking kill off a character like this

WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS ENTIRE ARC??? The mere reason I'm asking this question is, in and of itself, unacceptable

we MAY get an answer later... but its been 20 episodes... why the fuck dont we know anything about the arc we just completed? ...ludicrous

Final Thoughts

BSD does not have enough reliable rules in its magic system to form a solid foundation of... anything

Fukuchi is a disjointed character trying to do too many things at once, he doesn't have solid motivations, and his arc provides more questions than it answers

Osamu Dazai is not a character... he is a plot device used like a saving throw in DND

BSD frequently insults my intelligence to cover it's ass in its storytelling

being a manga reader is like taking 30 days to rip off a tiny band aid... the pacing is unbearable

even with the end of fukuchi's arc now known, there was no sense of accomplishment in defeating him bc technically we didnt… he gave himself up... so the sword was just to make him overpowered... it was pointless

the anime adaptation was rushed, scenes cherry picked, and plot narratively thinned into water... there was no depth this season

In my opinion...

There are very few redeeming characteristics about BSD now

The few meaningful scenes we do get in the manga are overwritten by later context that negates any emotion initially associated with the scene

even with the end of fukuchi's arc now known, there was no sense of accomplishment in defeating him bc technically we didnt... he gave himself up

Dazai is the worst written character I have ever read

It is very likely i drop this story entirely

If I seem salty/upset/etc. its because I am. However is NOT directed at you, it is simply a manifestation of my disappointment in this story.

...

And there you have my opinion... in way too many words... thanks for sticking around if you made it this far im impressed bc i am salty as hell lol

fin

#i hope this helps? #In all seriousness you have likely been following bsd for longer than I have (my first manga chap I had to wait for was ch101 #before then i was anime only #so like... early 2022? i think... this sideblog was born soon after) #long post #bsd discourse #asks #opinion #my post #bsd spoilers #god ok this was in my drafts for a bit #and this post likely got significantly out of hand #however i think i just needed a place to write down my thoughts #these arent even all of them by the way #i could write a whole post on dazai alone #...and not good things

[zonerz]

Answers Update

OKAY IK THIS IS A TEXT BLOCK BUT DONT PANIC! We are good JKSDKJL

So it’s been about a month since the last chapter update, my b 💀🙏BUT I have good reasons, and I realized that while I mentioned it in an A/N on the fic itself, I probably have people following me here who haven’t seen that 😭👍Better late than never tho! Putting it under a cut bc it’s a bit long my bad

I’ve had a good chunk of chapter 39 completed since I uploaded 38, but as I was writing and reviewing my stuff to ensure consistency and such, erm, well 😭I’ve hit a point where the problems I’ve had on the backburner are no longer avoidable. Additionally, by nature of how long I’ve been working on this story (4.5 years mama mia 💀💀💀) I’ve had time to think about and enhance some #Lore 😳!

Reflecting on all of this, I really think that in order for the upcoming bits to be at their best and most impactful, I need to revisit the much older chapters and make some revisions. Which I know can sound beyond frustrating, but I would rather do this and make the whole experience much more consistent and satisfying than shoehorn in a bunch of stuff late-game and feel like a rugpull yk???

The main thing that pushed me over the edge is Hiro because the track that I’ve been on regarding his background/power set up is gonna lead me into an unsatisfying and unfun corner, and that’s not what I want. So I’ve been rattling that man around for months tryna figure smth out AND I FINALLY GOT IT! His character and personality won’t be changing so no worries there! Nor will introductions or roles, but I’ve finally got something set up to explain his powers a lot more reasonably as well as being able to have a bit more classic HB callbacks :]

Essentially I’m gonna do what I did in 2021 where I have a little laundry list of things to tweak and add so that the story is at it’s best! My writing abilities have definitely improved and grown since I first started writing this fic, so I’m finally able to add or depict things I simply didn’t have the skill level for before which is SOOOOO SATISFYING !!!

Currently all chapters up to chapter 14 have been updated with new action sequences, conversations, and grammatical/pacing issues resolved to be much closer to how I always intended for them to be--also some fun little 1.20 snippets that just fit in a way I’ve always wanted! Those cherry trees were too good to not mention 💖

When I’m done I’ll be uploading the real chapter 39 in the place of the A/N one and will denote which chapters got the most notable changes :> They’ll mostly be the ones from about 8-15 I’d say tho solely because of Hiro 😭 Love that bastard but he has been a MIGRAINE to sort out for YEARS

Anyways that’s all I’ve got 😭🙏Thank you guys sm for reading and for your patience and apologies for the change-up, but I do think this is a good thing to do for the health of the story even if it takes a lot of extra effort and time. It’s worth doing. Very funny to feel like I’m adding patch notes to a fic tho KLJSJKLDJ Answers HD 1.5 Remix moment

anyways ty and have a good one !!!

#mcsm #minecraft storymode #answers mcsm #zone chats #sorry for the kingdom hearts joke it will happen again 💖 #pulling a Nomura with these retcons by going back and putting their fixes in like they were always there ooOOoo /lh

[yourmidnightlover]

never go back

Summary: spencer notices how your boyfriend takes advantage of you and finally does something about it.

TW: titty sucking, oral (female receiving), cheating, dom!spencer, scratching, slapping (only one), cursing, choking, spencer dirty talk lol, penetrative sex, creampie. *let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 3,724

A/N - i'm using noah as the 'other man' schtick in probably all of my future one shots bc i can't find it within myself to create a new character each and every time. so your douche of a bf will always be noah miller. if you ever get a nice bf i'll be sure to change his name but for now this is what we're working with. got it? got it.

masterlist

-------------------------------

there are many things that people should go back to. schooling, maybe an old job, an old vacation spot.

your boyfriend was not one of those things.

mostly because your boyfriend sucked.

it was now a fact that spencer reid himself had come to believe quite a while ago and now, well now he had reason.

he had always felt as though you were too good for noah, similar for practically anyone in existence (himself included). he was always a complete ass to you no matter the circumstance.

there was one time the entire team had been back really late from a case that took a toll on all of you. it was emotionally and physically draining. the flight back had been delayed because of weather issues in the state you had been in, meaning you couldn't leave until days after it was solved.

any time you had gone to answer the phone, spencer would be able to see your stance and body language through the glass window. you had been apologizing for something you couldn't even control. you would narrow your brows the way you only did when you were being yelled at. you bit your lip the way you did when you were being made to feel guilty.

he was guilt tripping you for something you couldn't even control.

when you had gotten back it wasn't any better. noah had been giving you the cold shoulder. he was defensive when you asked what was wrong.

and that was only 3 weeks into the relationship.

after being together for 2 months, you had gotten flowers delivered on your desk. you assumed they were from your boyfriend, reasonably so, and went to go thank him. spencer saw the shock in your eyes when you saw your boyfriend huddled in the corner with some new intern. spencer saw the look in your eye change from sadness to anger in the blink of his own.

you took a deep breath, and walked away from the situation, completely missing the way he tucked the intern's hair behind her ear as he leaned in to whisper something to make her giggle. when you got back to your desk you threw the flowers in the garbage can, not even bothering to read the note.

it was pretty indirect, but looking into it he realized it was an issue that should've been addressed. every time the team would go out together, everyone was clearly invited. you would always decline because 'noah wanted to take me out tonight' or 'noah said he needs me, so i'll have to rain check'.

it wasn't because you were a bad person, the opposite actually. it was because noah was taking advantage of your kindness.

because any time you needed him, 'noah's out with the boys' or 'noah had to work late' or, here's a kicker, 'noah had a hard time at work'. as if you don't have a hard time looking at dead bodies while he just has to write up reports.

even when you got injured during a case, shot in the shoulder, noah seemed as though he couldn't have cared less. he wouldn't even go to your apartment to visit you while you were in recovery because 'noah didn't have time to visit'.

spencer could even recall when you went out with the girls one night, spencer being the designated driver, that you had told them how 'noah didn't want you to dress too provocatively so you had to wear something more modest'.

now, spencer doesn't care all to much about what you wear because, frankly, it's none of his business. but now that he heard how noah cared oh-so-much, he decided to wrack his brain for the 'provocative' outfits you've worn. there was not a single one that anyone should make a comment about. you looked stunning no matter what you wore, so you'd grab any man's attention no matter the clothing on your body.

but spencer? he made sure to never be that much of an asshole to you. he made sure to make up for him being an asshole.

he would grab you some morning coffee like you always had before you had a boyfriend. he would make sure to tell you that you looked lovely when you were able to go out with the team. he would visit you when you injured yourself and were lonely, he even stayed back for a few days with you to help you get through it.

hell, he was the one to get you the flowers. you had been having a rough week and spencer thought it might cheer you up. he had gifted you a bouquet of 12, blue chiffon flowers because those were your favorite.

but this was his breaking point. you had come to his apartment, once again in the middle of the night, talking about noah fucking miller cheating on you.

he had done it once before when he was 'out with the boys' you decided to stop by when he said he'd be back, wanting to just be the amazing girlfriend that you are. so when you walk in and hear your boyfriend moaning along with another woman that isn't you, you immediately run back out. you run back out and drive all the way to spencer's.  

and here you are again. spencer wasn't mad at you, it was noah he was mad at. he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

spencer had always liked you, no, he's always loved you. everything about you. how could he not? you're perfect.

but loving you how he does and seeing you being used as a toy to fuck for a certain noah miller not only made his heart ache but also made his blood boil.

spencer wasn't an idiot. he had heard the way the old morgan had referred to women. the thing is, noah is way more of a fuckboy than the old morgan ever was. and that scared spencer to pieces. he knew that you would only be missing out on team outings just to get fucked by a douchebag. he knew that the only reason said douchebag wouldn't visit you was because you couldn't fuck. he knew that the reason said douchebag was cornering that intern was to fuck her, too.

so when you arrived at spencer's place, this time you weren't crying. you were furious. you were angry and upset, as was spencer.

"he did it again, spence," you breathed out as you paced across his living room floor. "i was supposed to meet him in a few hours but i was going to surprise him and i caught him with another tramp! i didn't even confront him. i just- i just left!"

"cheated? noah?" he asked as if he didn't believe it at first, not wanting to seem like as much of a dick as noah.

"yes! cheated. god! i am so ANGRY!" you ran your hand through your hair, a grunt leaving your mouth. "and... and frustrated! and... UGH!" you sighed aggressively.

"and what?" spencer asked as he stood up, slowly making his way to you. "what else?" he said, his hand now brushing that stubborn strand of hair behind your ear.

"i-i'm..." you trailed off, getting lost in his beautiful eyes.

if you were honest with yourself, you'd admit how much you loved spencer. but you thought he'd never love you like that. not since you helped him through jj getting married. he really thought she was it for him, at least that's what you'd come to think he believed. over the years you had grown so much closer and grown such an attraction for each other that the other person knew about. it was ironic, truly.

"say it, y/n," spencer leaned over you, his lips ghosting over yours. "i need to hear you say it."

"god, just kiss me," you said, your hands flying to the back of his hair to push his mouth to yours.

there was no hesitation from spencer to give you everything he had. his hand on the side of your face remained there as his other hand drifted to your waist to pull you closer to his body. your tongues met fervently with covetous, passion, and longing yet with just gentle firmness that felt protecting and as if it was how everything was supposed to be.

"please, spencer," you quietly whispered once you unlatched from one another.

"please what, princess," he asked, his hand running through your hair.

"i just... i need you," she pleaded with him, her hands still tugging gently on his hair. "please," you put your foreheads together, breathing in each others air as you silently begged him to help you in any way that he could.

"i'd do anything for you," he whispered so delicately as if the entire team were standing right beside you. "you know i'd do anything for you."

"then do something," you demanded.

spencer took action by kissing you just as intensely as before, this time his hands went to your ass. he grabbed your thighs to signal for you to jump, once you did you wrapped your legs around his torso as he carried you into his bedroom. he set you down just in front of the bed before you began to undo his shirt, him returning the favor by undoing yours.

"god, i've wanted you for so long," he growled, nipping gently at your earlobe as he laid you back on the bed. "lift your hips," he ordered, you obeyed his every command. you always would. "good girl," he praised as he ran his hands down your now bare waist.

"please," you begged, your hips bucking up to get any source of friction. "spencer..." you trailed off.

"i know, princess. i know," he said before climbing on top of you, connecting your lips with his once again, this time much more eager than before if that were possible.

as you arched your back, he took the opportunity to unclasp the hook on your bra. you shrugged it off your shoulders to allow him to throw the bra somewhere else in his room. he finally took a breath, removing his lips from yours to admire the view in front of him.

"god, you're so beautiful," he growled before placing gentle but eager kisses along the tops of your breasts, massaging the one his mouth wasn't on.

he pressed his knee between your legs, allowing you to buck your hips up to get that release you wanted so bad. you whined as he took your nipple in his mouth, his tongue flicking past it rapidly as he occasionally nibbled on it gently.

"spen-spencer," you ran your hands through his hair, tugging gently on the roots.

"mmm," he sat his head up, trailed kisses up your throat. "god, i love you so much."

"i-i love you," you moaned, pulling his head up to connect your lips together. "i love you so so much."

"i'm so glad to hear that," he huffed a sigh of relief. "because otherwise it'd be awkward when i did this," he began trailing kisses down your body, leading down towards your center. "i'll show you what it's like to be with a man that actually loves and respects you, yea? show you what it feels like to actually be pleased by a man? what it's like to be with a real man?" he teased.

his fingers trailed around your entrance, gathering your arousal that'd been building for what felt like ages. he pressed gentle kisses around your pussy before finally connecting his lips with your clit, a low groan emitting from your body because of the contact.

"yes, please," you shot your head back, relishing in the feeling of the direct skin contact.

"hey," spencer slapped your thigh, your head shot back up to see him between your legs, a truly beautiful sight that you'd never get tired of. "eyes on me," he demanded before going back down on you, not breaking eye contact as he brought out sounds from you that you weren't even sure you could make. "talk to me, princess. let me know how it feels."

"fe-feels so good," you sighed, taking your breasts in your hands and massaging them. "i-i can-can't even think," you stuttered out, too caught up in the pleasure to form a coherent sentence.

you had felt so good as he sucked on your clit, succeeding in bringing you closer to the edge than noah ever has, but when he inserted two fingers into your entrance...

"oh my fuck!" your hands shot down to grab onto his locks, pushing him further into your body, a low groan leaving him.

his fingers didn't stop their work. he curled them at just the right spot, sending you flying over the edge. spencer used his free hand to grab onto your thigh to keep them from closing in completely on his head, still working you through your high. he placed a kiss on your clit once more before he brought his head up to you, connecting your lips passionately.

"could noah ever make you come like that? huh? could he make you feel so good you could barely even think?" he grabbed your chin in his hands, holding it in place to look at him as you shook your head the best you could. "no?"

"mm-mm," you tried to shake your head 'no' once more.

"did you think of him while i was going down on you? were you thinking about how he fucked that little tramp?" he asked harshly, you shook your head 'no' again. "oh, what were you thinking, princess?" he finally released your face so you could speak.

"ab-about how well you know my body. about how, how good you looked between my legs. about how much i love you," you replied quickly, knowing exactly what to say.

"right answer," he connected your lips once more. "what do you want, love?" he asked, peppering soft kisses along your jaw where his hands once held your throat firmly.

"you. i-i want you in-inside me," you swallowed, your hand finding his and pulling it up to your lips to press a kiss to it, then another, then another, then another. "please, doctor?" you used your best puppy dog eyes you knew he couldn't resist.

"god, call me that again," he rasped lowly.

"what... doctor?" you took his hand and started sucking on his fingers, letting them slip in and out slowly and then moving onto the next.

"fuck, yes," he growled as he pressed another kiss to your lips before lining himself up at your center. "are you sure, princess?" he traced your jaw with the fingers you were previously sucking on.

"yes, sir," you nodded. "i'm sure."

you felt him slowly push inside of you slowly to allow you to adjust to his size. you had your suspicions of how big he was, but feeling him inside of you made it all much more real.

"fuck, you're so tight," he moaned into your ear quietly as he slowly pulled back out, going in just as slow.

"sp-spence-"

"wrong," he slapped your face gently, a whimper leaving your lips before he grasped your face to make you look him in the eyes.

"doc-doctor," you corrected yourself.

"good girl," he said, feeling your pussy clench from the praise. "oh you like that?" he felt it again. "maybe you just like hearing me talk, yea?" his pace began picking up slowly. "you like hearing how this pussy makes me feel? how tight... and warm... and wet it is?"

"u--uh huh," you nodded your head the best you could as he began thrusting much more rapid, hitting that special spot inside of you with each movement.

"it seems like you haven't felt this good in a long time huh? haven't had your pussy pounded like this in a while?" he asked as he was catching his breath.

"ne-never, doctor," you confirmed, hands reaching around his back and dragging your nails down, surely leaving scratch marks all down them.

"fuck," he growled. "noah never made you feel this good princess? never made you forget how to speak in sentences? never knew how to get you going like this?"

"n-no, no! never! god, never!" you cried as you pulled his body even closer to you. "i-i'm close, please!"

"you wanna come all over my dick, yea? you want to show me how much your pussy loves it when a real man fucks it?"

that was it to let that spring burst inside of you, parts flying everywhere. you cried his name as he worked you through your orgasm, holding onto his shoulders and hair to keep you grounded.

"cum inside me, please," you begged. "fi-fill me up."

"fuck, whatever you want, princess," he kept pounding into you at a rapid pace. "god, i'm gonna come inside you, and send you back to that scumbag of a boyfriend so he can see that you're mine now. so he can see what happens when his girlfriend is mistreated and fucked by someone who knows what they're doing, yea?"

"yea, yea!" you whined, nails digging back into his skin as he released his load into you, thrusting it gently back inside after.

"god, i love you so much," he moaned into your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek by your ear.

"i love you," you replied, stroking his hair to help him come down, him still inside of you. he began thrusting inside of you once again.

"don't want any of it to spill out before you get to him," he felt you clench around him one more time. "you're very responsive, princess. i like that about you."

"it-it's just you, spence. it's always been you," you pulled him in for another kiss.

this one was full of passion but not the kind of eagerness. it was full of desire and longing, pent up emotions flowing out into one another fluidly.

"now let me go see my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend," you huffed as he pulled out of you, wincing from the overstimulation. "i'll see you later?"

"i'll see you later," he pressed a kiss to your forehead before helping you gather your clothes.

driving back to his apartment, you felt rather giddy with yourself. should you have felt bad? absolutely not. he's a manipulative asshole who's used you for sex on numerous occasions, so he deserved the bittersweet irony of what was coming to him.

*get it, coming to him? lol i'm sorry i had to :)*

you knocked on the door softly, greeted by a rather chipper noah who grabbed your face as soon as he saw you, connecting your lips. his kiss was nothing like spencer's. his lips weren't as soft and tentative. they weren't plump and round, they were harsh and rough and unpleasant.

he quickly led you to the bedroom, not to your surprise. he sat down on the bed, you straddled his hips, acting as if it were spencer instead - which was pretty hard to do after knowing what he was like in the sack.

you felt his boner through his pants quickly after you got on top of him. then when he flipped you over and pulled your pants and underwear down, he was met with a surprise.

"someone's excited to see me," he chuckled before licking a thick stripe from your slit to clit, very aggressive to where it almost hurt to have the pressure. "god you taste so good, doll."

he continued at this for a while, inserting his tongue to your hole very once in a while and licking up yours and spencer's arousal with it. you faked your moans and whimpers as his ministrations became more eager, not really getting you anywhere.

after he was finished with your turn - no, he didn't even make you cum - he laid back on the bed as if he were waiting for you to get on top of him again.

"actually," you stood up from the bed, pulling up your clothes with you. "i'm done with this. we're over."

you watched his face as he took in the information just released to him. it changed from surprised and shocked, to confused, to disgusted, to angry and frustrated.

"what the fuck?" he sat up from the bed, a disgruntled look on his face. "you wait until after you cum to tell me this?" he walked over to you, arms flailing in the air.

"yea. i did. and by the way, i didn't cum," you informed him. "that's something you've never really been good at making me do. although i'm not sure how you've been able to convince me to do anything with the way you treat me."

"what do you mean? i'm a good gu-"

"shut up for one second, please," you rolled your eyes, running your hand through your hair. "i know you've cheated on me numerable times. i stayed because i thought that maybe there was a reason, but i've come to realize that i was just... settling with you," you shrugged.

"you've treated me like crap since this 'relationship' started and i'm tired of it. i know someone who not only treats me with respect and kindness, but can also actually make me cum. shocker," you chuckled.

"who is this asshole? what the hell-"

"i wasn't finished, sweetie," you spat out viciously. "he's not an asshole. you're the asshole. you're the one that's getting dumped. so this is goodbye," you turned around to walk out of his room before leaving him with one more thought. "how did his cum taste with mine?" you tilted your head innocently, smiling at his shocked face as he realized what you meant before walking out.

and you were never more glad that you didn't have to go back to him anymore.

taglist:

@muffin-cup​ @greenprisca​ @averyhotchner​ 

#dom!spencer #smut #spencer x you #spencer x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #cheating

[ginnyweasely]

ONLY GOOD THING [DRACO MALFOY X READER]

pairing: draco malfoy x reader (fem!) warnings: swearing, drinking (sort of), a bit angsty!!, but MOSTLY FLUFF!!, draco is a bit ooc but that’s how i like it bb! summary: draco seems to be super curious of the reader who has trust issues and has a hard time opening up. word count: 7.3k+

A/N: I know this is very loong but bare with me bc i sort of kinda love this one!! This is heavily inspired by one of my own very old imagine but i changed up many stuff,  ALSO!! i’m gonna start making my own gifs for my writings so if you do take them PLEASE please do not claim it as your own and feel free to give credit! happy reading :) also remember feedbacks are alwayss welcomed with luv and hugs!!

MASTERLIST   TAGLIST

Y/N groaned at the sound of her stupid alarm clock, her hand sluggishly and lazily trying to stop the stupid machine from making anymore loud noises, failing so, she groaned loudly as she opened one eye to stare at the clock, spotting the stopping button and pressing it more like crushing it. 

She groaned as she got out of her bed, realizing she had much time left before she actually had  to go to class, causing a feel of calmness in her. She liked being right on time or just being ready way head of time, otherwise being late made the girl filled with anxiety.

Sighing, she messily spread her bedsheet on her bed, not caring enough nor having the enough energy in her to make her bed cleanly.

She looked at her school clothes that were hung by the door, all ready for her to just slip on to her body.

Her head popped around the room as she searched for her roommates, a breath of relief left her mouth as she realized they were nowhere to be seen, she found it better to be just be on her own, getting ready while people were around made her feel weird and uncomfortable.

She got her clothes and slipped into her clothes quickly, admiring herself in the mirror as she put on her robe, her outfit now matching. She brushed her hair to make it look of a messy wave, quite liking having her hair like that, which made her feel a lot more confident.

Y/N was rather a quiet girl who kept most thing to herself, by quiet it’s not as if she was shy or self-conscious, she just liked being alone, didn’t trust people enough, in fact she knew nothing about anyone, as no one knew anything about her.

She liked keeping things that way, as it was easier for her to communicate with people, she was not anyone’s best friend, she was simply friends with everyone, she hung out with people from her house, maybe sometimes with a few of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws too, but mainly from Gryffindor, and she didn’t know why but she didn’t know anyone from Slytherin.

Mainly because she didn’t care to know, Slytherins always seemed too much for her, she barely knew anything about the students at Hogwarts, soon realizing that she preferred it that way, hell she barely knew anything about the “friends” she hung out with, Ron,Hermione and Harry.

She knew she didn’t used to be like this, but with each time more and more people seemed to be breaking her trust, the girl decided that she was better off to keep her things to herself.

She was more than happy to just be with herself, she liked being that way, the only one who couldn’t hurt her was herself, sure she felt lonely at times, but she liked it, she’d rather be lonely than be hurt.

Y/N looked at herself in the mirror, admiring her face, she sighed softly as she noticed how pale she had been looking, so she softly pinched her cheeks to rise some color into them, happy with the results she smiled to herself in the mirror.

She slowly got up as she quickly got her books, stuffing them into her bag, and sluggishly putting it around her shoulders and getting out of her dorm.

She was walking down the Hogwarts corridors, trying to make her way into the Transfiguration class, walking through the empty corridors gave her joy, she finally got where the Transfiguration class normally was, and entered the room but to her surprise the room looked a bit different, it wasn’t the transfiguration class. It was something else.

Confused and distracted she headed to the exit and as she did so, her body collided with a boy’s, books falling to the ground as the weak girl fell from a little bump.

Y/N groaned as her bum hit the ground and she didn’t know if her head or her bum hurted more. “Watch where you’re going!” The boy snarled as she chuckled in distaste.

“Me? Your stupid big head almost destroyed mine!” She protested against him as she rubbed her head. He scoffed at her response but as he looked around the empty classroom he had the same question in his mind as hers.

“Where is everyone?” The platinum headed boy turned his head to her as she was trying to fix her skirt. “That’s my question as well. Isn’t this the transfiguration class?” She said as confused as the platinum headed boy.

“Did they like move classes?” Y/N questioned as Draco shrugged he was as clueless as she was.

Y/N was about to open her mouth but was interrupted as someone else came into the class, looking at both of them weirdly as Y/N sighed “Let me guess, you’re here for the Transfiguration room, too?” She didn’t mean to sound annoyed but clearly to the girls response she was.

“Uh no? This is Defense Against The Dark Arts, Transfiguration moved next to the Potions yesterday, Dumbledore announced it at dinner.”

A simple ohh escaped from the both clueless Draco and Y/N’s mouths as they slowly exited the room, walking towards to the new room, which made Y/N groan because it was all the way over to the end of the castle, causing her to get anxious about being late.

Being so into her thoughts she totally forgot the boy that was walking next to her, she realized they had been awkwardly walking in silence, Y/N sighed as she hated situations like this and was mentally cursing until her thoughts were interrupted with Draco’s voice.

“What’s your name?” He asked as he tried to keep up to her fast walking pace, “I’m Y/N, Y/L/N.” she replied softly, then added “And you are?” The boy chuckled at the question as Y/N stared at him in confusion.

“You don’t know who I am?” He questioned shocked as he realized she was serious, “Was I supposed to know?” Y/N asked as sarcasm was dripping from her mouth.

“Well, of course. I’m Draco Malfoy, son of Lucious Malfoy and Narcissa Malfoy, the most respectable wizards in the wizard history.” Draco said proudly as Y/N just looked at him awkwardly.

“Uhm.. okay?” She replied in an uninterested voice which the boy took offense to and had a hard time not believing in how she didn’t have a clue of who he was.

Frustrated he spoke up again, “If you must know they call me the Slytherin Prince!” He added in order to impress her but in return she just cackled at the name, and even though she tried her best to brush off her cackle it just seemed to anger the boy.

“What’s so fucking funny!” He grunted, as the girl opened her mouth to speak “It’s just you Slytherins have so much confident in yourselves, and it makes you guys extremely cocky, it’s both a good and a bad thing, really.” She smiled and in return Draco smiled back.

“So I take it you’re a Gryffindor?” She nodded “How did you know?”    “Well, you stood up for me, that’s courage and well, your robe..” He pointed and she chuckled at her stupidity.

“Right..” She said still walking towards the corridors, but now they were enjoying their conversation so her pace was much more slower. “You could have been a great Slytherin with that sarcasm though..” She chuckled as she brushed off his comment.  

Y/N was about to make a joke about his “Slytherin Prince” title but she froze as her eyes met up with the light brown eyes of the guy in front of him, she mentally cursed herself, wanting nothing more than just to disappear at that moment.

Draco quickly noticed the change in her and was baffled at first, but he slowly eyed her movements and looked up, seeing the infamous “Golden Boy” of Hogwarts in front of him. Cedric Diggory was standing there as Y/N stood still.

He scoffed at the sight of him, his attention slowly turned back to Y/N who seemed to be stunned by Cedric, as the boy curiously wanted to know why the “Golden Boy” had such an effect on her.

Cedric smiled at Y/N softly as Draco saw her give him the weakest smile ever, as her face seemed to falling apart, her pace quickened by the sight.

“What was that?” Draco questioned curiously as a hint of worriedness could be heard in his tone. “Nothing, let’s just go to class.” Y/N said hurriedly as she brushed him off and their quickened pace arrived them quickly to the class,

“Uhh, do you wanna sit with me?” Draco murmured as he tried to sound confident but nervousness could be read from the boy’s face, “Yeah, sure!” Y/N replied rather quickly, washing away Draco’s worries as she smiled at him and they took their places in the class.

Draco seemed to be confused.. by many things, his mind quickly started to wander off. First of all, why was he sitting with a Gryffindor, that he specifically asked for?

Second of all why did Y/N froze at the sight of Cedric and lastly but the most important, why did he actually like spending time with Y/N? His mind went fuzzy with the stupid questions the entire class, trying his best to focus but unable to. Then he did the worst possible thing he could do, he gently turned  his head around to look at Y/N.

His distracted mind was now a mess, staring at the pretty girl next to him made him feel fucked up in his stomach, he closely eyed her movements, but sooner or later realized that staring this much at her could draw her attention so he tried his best to observe her by the corner of his eye.

He wanted to study her fully, he wanted answers to the questions in his mind, he certainly liked that she didn’t know about him, it was a greater change that he could finally meet with someone unaware of his reputation, because people either hated him for it or loved him for it, there was no in between.

Y/N didn’t seem to be the sort of person that cared a lot of what people were doing, at least that’s what Draco thought as the girl had no clue he even was. To him she seemed like a pretty normal person that stayed out of people’s business.

So the question of why she of all people would have a problem with someone like Diggory was a whole puzzle for him to figure out, meanwhile Y/N was lost in her own thoughts, trying to get the stupid Diggory boy out of his mind, feeling ever so stupid for even thinking about him.

Time passed as the pair sitting together were both in their own thoughts, minds fuzzy with questions, which caused the class to end abruptly.

A sigh of relief leaving Y/N’s mouth as it did so, causing her to act quick and packing her books even faster, getting up as soon as she got ready and muttering out a quick Bye! to Draco and quite literally vanishing.

Draco’s attempt at acting quick and trying to keep up with the girl simply failed as the girl was nowhere to be seen, causing an annoyed sigh come out of Draco’s lips because of her unreasonable stand off-ish personality, the hopes about hanging out with Y/N and maybe even being friends with her were instantly crushed.

Draco clearly needed a friend like her. But it seemed Y/N’s mind was more busy with other things. Her mind was fumbled in other classes too, not to put all the blame on the Diggory boy, she was just a distracted, messy girl is all.. She would write everything down and take notes of everything, but she couldn’t listen to the classes, her mind would be all off.

She got out of her classes and went to supper, her eyes searching for Hermione as she tended to sit with them on lunch, even though lately she felt weird sitting with them since their relationships where causing drama.

It was pretty messy, but all too simple in Y/N’s mind. It seemed that Harry was into Ginny, and Ginny was into Harry but they both didn’t know, and on the other hand Ron and Hermione were into each other but they were both dating other people, the whole drama thing was nice to watch from outside but Y/N didn’t want to get involved, she didn’t like being in people’s business, so she tried her best to stay away, but still sitting with them tended to create some awkward moments.

To be perfectly honest, she didn’t really care, she never was the person that was full of emotions and could open up easily, but after Diggory, she became more and more secretive,  more stand off-ish.

She felt emptier inside, she was less focused and more all over the place, even though it seemed they weren’t best of best friends, even the Golden Trio took notice of Y/N’s changed actions, they even tried to help her once or twice, but Y/N made it look like she was super strong and didn’t need anyone, that part wasn’t really true, but Y/N always hated seeming fragile or weak so they dropped it, leaving the girl alone as she liked it.

She didn’t like opening up to everyone. She couldn’t blame all of it on Diggory either, nor Potter for setting them up, she was also one to blame, she should’ve distanced herself from him, she should have known better but she just didn’t.

When she met Diggory, he wasn’t the “Golden Boy” of Hogwarts, he was just a kind lovely kid who had taken an interest in Y/N, and of course Y/N was stunned by the boy, he was gorgeous, kind and was overall lovely... or that’s what she perceived him as…

Their relationship wouldn’t exactly count as perfect, she could very well admit that, but she always thought they connected on a level that she felt she had never connected with anyone, and she truly cared for the boy and wanted to believe he felt the same for her, it was a huge disappointment to discover that her feelings were not mutual.  

Their relationship wasn’t as public as Y/N thought, a few of their friends knew, rest of the school didn’t care much about it, she never realized not being too much in public with him would be the cause of their break up. There wasn’t a particular problem in their relationship it was all sweet and lovely until the Triwizard tournament, Y/N never thought that Cedric joining the tournament would change him, she never thought that it would end their relationship, but it fucking did.

It all happened when the arguments started, when Cedric was becoming too cocky because of his “Golden Boy” title, he would constantly have girls throwing themselves at him left and right, and he would never do enough for Y/N to feel comfortable when those girls were all over him, making Y/N burst into tears as soon as she was left alone.

Too much tears shredded for a boy who didn’t deserved them. Sooner or later Y/N did suspect somethings about the boy and all the girls around him but she never wanted to believe or egg on her suspicions, she knew she was fooling herself but she was trying her best to not get hurt even more, but boy did that fail miserably.

It happened on the second task, she remembered the moment so vividly. Y/N was on her way to the second task, to support Cedric, she slowly took a place as she stood there cheering for his boyfriend.

Feeling an enormous joy filling her entire heart, only then for her heart to be crushed miserably in a matter of seconds. Y/N’s huge smile slowly faded as it took the form of a frown, her lips now formed in a shut line.

Tears threatened to leave her eyes at the sight in front of her, the realization of what the task was about and who Cedric was with hit her later than she ever realized.

The task was about them saving someone they cared about, and Cedric got out of the water with Cho, whom Y/N heard rumors about that Cho and Cedric hooked up a week ago, a rumor that Y/N now had no heart to ignore.

A soft sob escaped Y/N’s lips that day as she exited the arena, rushing over to her dorm as quickly as possible, she didn’t know whether to be mad at Cedric or herself for being this fucking gullible.

Soon enough though, when all the tasks were over, Y/N broke up with Cedric in the coldest way possible. She thought hiding her feelings from him would make her feel stronger, but it didn’t, she cried herself to sleep that night, and maybe even more nights following that night.

Y/N couldn’t believe she was fooled by his charm, she felt stupid. She hated Cedric because of that, and because of the fact that just today the arse smiled at her in the hallway, as if nothing had happened between them, as if he was smiling at her out of pity, she hated it.

And even more so she hated the fact that she returned it, she mentally cursed herself and groaned at her own actions as they replayed in her head.

She was snapped back to her senses when her horrible memory flashback was over, and her attention was back to the Gryffindor’s chatting at the table, she tried to join in once or twice but failed to look interested, she took one more bite of her food and excused herself, to get some fresh air and be alone with her thoughts, and her mind.

She got out of her chair and collected her books, slowly walking towards to the entrance of the castle, she quickly hurried over to a quiet place as she took a place on the grass her slowly laying out her books on the ground, as she picked one of the books to read it.

Her hands slowly gazed over the book as she started reading it quickly, wanting to off her mind. Y/N’s focus was fully on her book and was devouring the pages quickly, but a nudge on her shoulder startled her as a small squeak came out from her mouth.

“Blimey! Relax Y/L/N! It’s just me!” Draco said chuckling at the girls reaction, as Y/N softly gasped at him and playfully hit him in the arm with her book chuckling “I almost died you arse!”

He smiled as he kneeled down next to her, tilting his head so he could see what she was reading, “What in Merlin’s beard is that?” Draco asked confused.

“It’s a muggles mystery book, you git!” Y/N said smiling. Draco made a nauseous face. “Oh come on! Just read it and you’ll love it! This is the second part of the book series, I actually have the first part in hand, and you can read it and we can discuss!” She gushed as her hand reach out to her stack of books handing it out to Draco.

Draco would never admit this out loud but he found your gushing over a stupid muggle book so cute that he realized he could not refuse.

He groaned slowly “Fine, but in one condition!” he smirked “And what is that?” Y/N asked confused her eyebrows furrowed softly, he did his best to not find the pretty girl in front of her cute at all times but she made it impossible.

“You have to go to Hogsmeade with me!” Draco exclaimed as Y/N was even more confused now, not expecting an offer like this from the grey-eyed boy, she was silent for a second as that made Draco almost die from embarrassment, but seconds after she washed away Draco’s embarrassment as she happily agreed.

They spent the next day with each other, both didn’t know what the day was supposed to be like was it a date? Or just as friends?

It seemed though that Draco wanted it to be a date, and maybe even Y/N did too, but she didn’t know if she was ready for a relationship, she made a deal with herself, more like a promise, a promise that she wouldn’t date guys until she was sure of them, and it had to be nice guys, like the nicest of nice guys, that had no bad intention with her, just overall really great guys.

She didn’t know much about Draco, he seemed nice and he was quite gorgeous, but in order to trust him for even a little ounce, she needed to be sure he was a nice guy. She still seemed to be pretty scared about trusting anyone, she never thought about opening up to anyone ever again, and just the thought of it scared her.

They spend the entire day together, Y/N was surprised she could finally be close to someone, at least in a friendly way, of course there was some flirting going on because Draco did not stop complimenting her the whole day, making heat rise up to Y/N’s already rosy cheeks each time he did so, giggling like a flirty girl at his stupid jokes, Draco took her out to get some deserts as the two chatted up.

Making Y/N feel extremely comfortable around him while Draco felt so happy to be in the girl’s presence, even feeling comfortable enough with her that he opened up to her a bit about his life.

As Y/N listened to him cautiously and attentively while supporting him graciously, Draco felt extremely grateful for her, but he wanted her to feel the same, feel the same comfortableness he felt, so she would be more open with him.

It seemed impossible, he wanted to know about the “Diggory” incident, but also was scared that she would either get mad at him or she would brush it off and not hang out with him again, and he didn’t want that at all, he just wanted to get to know her.

The whole friendship/flirty relationship between Draco and Y/N continued for weeks as they enjoyed each others company more than ever, he liked having her around and so did she, giggles would always fill the room the pair was in, they were always complimenting and having fun with each other, it seemed that everyone else noticed them hanging out, even her friends.

So when she went to lunch one day and sat down, her friends looked at her as if they were about to have an intervention with her any moment, she felt as though she was pitied, “What?” She asked softly as she took a piece of her bread, chewing and then swallowing it happily.

“Y/N uhmm.. we noticed you hanging around with..” Hermione started nervously. “Draco.” Harry finished her sentence abruptly. “Soo..?” Y/N asked confused but wanting to know more, “He’s not a good guy Y/N.”  Harry announced as Y/N’s smile was now met with a frown.

Anyone could tell that her entire face fell at the information, but she wanted to know more. “He literally fucked all the girls in Slytherin and left them, he uses girls...” She furrowed eyebrows confused and her frown intensified as her eyes were filled with a dash of anger.

“Why the fuck should I care? I’m not his girlfriend.” Y/N snapped without meaning to as Harry and Hermione stared at the girl with guilt visible in their eyes.

Y/N sighed softly as she quickly muttered out a simple apology her heart breaking at the information, she slowly nodded for them to continue.

“He also is a bully.. well he was.. he bullied almost entirely everyone at one point Hermione too..” Y/N’s face was scrunched up with disgust as she gasped at the information, she looked down in disappointment as Harry continued.

“Look we just don’t want Cedric Diggory 2.0 to-” Just as those words left Harry’s mouth, Y/N’s disgusted face was now filled with anger and it was aimed at Potter.

“Don’t Potter, don’t fucking go there..” she said slowly as a tip of annoyance and anger could be heard in her voice.

“Look… I’m sorry but we are just saying watch out and be careful okay? Malfoy is bad news. We just don’t wanna see you hurt.” Y/N just nodded slowly as she sighed.

“It’s fine, I’m.. I’m sorry for snapping it’s just uhh.. didn’t expect this, but thank your for informing me, I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”

She said as she got out of her seat in anger, quickly grabbing her books, she started walking around as her eyes were vigorously searching for the particular Platinum Headed, grey eyed “Slytherin Prince.”

When Y/N got out of the Great Hall and started wandering out in the corridors, she finally spotted him and her eyes finally landed on the boy fully, who was chatting with his friends, and as he turned around he saw Y/N and smiled but his smile was quickly erased after he saw her disappointed expression.

His eyebrows arched up in confusion as  he slowly watched her storming over to him, “Can I talk to you?” Y/N said as her voice sounded firm as ever making Draco’s entire face wash with worry.

“What’s wrong?” Draco asked with a hint of worriedness in his voice. “I heard some things about you, Malfoy.”  Y/N said abruptly as she crossed her arms against her chest. “What things are you talking about, princess?” He said in a gentle voice concerned, “About you fucking every girl you see and leaving them? Using them and throwing them away as If they were fucking garbage?” Y/N scowled, making Draco taken a back little.

“So?” Draco said as Y/N could notice the change in his tone and expression. “So?” Y/N mimicked him as she chuckled sarcastically. “Is it true?” She questioned the boy, he nodded firmly, “Is it also true you bullied people?” He nodded again as she chuckled bitterly annoyed.

“Why do you even fucking care Y/N? It’s not like we’re fucking dating!” Draco now snarled at her out of anger.

Y/N shook her head as she chuckled bitterly, “I fucking care Draco, because you’re not a nice person! You’re not a nice guy! I don’t want to hang out with bad guys! I don’t want to be friends with bad guys!” She bitterly scoffed.

“And you know what the worst thing was? I actually thought you were a nice guy, I genuinely thought you were someone I could finally hang out with, share some stuff with, I thought you were different then all the stupid boys in the Hogwarts, but boy was I wrong.. you’re just like every other guy on Hogwarts.”

She added as she looked into his big grey eyes that were now washed over with sadness, as hers were filled with rage and sadness at the same time, Draco wanted to open his mouth to say something, anything, but no words came out as Y/N’s disappointed look in him was an image that was never going to leave his mind.

She scoffed as she quickly turned around, leaving the boy there all alone.

Draco never seemed to understand her, he thought of her as a very complicated person, mainly because he didn’t know too much about her, perhaps this “nice guy” thing was about Diggory. He wanted to uncomplicate her, get to know her, he seemed to be absolutely fascinated by the girl, she seemed to challenge him in ways he never was challenged, she didn’t know what his reputation was like, well until now…

He really seemed to have taking a liking to the girl, but it seemed that he ruined everything because of his stupid stubborn and angry self, and well partly because of his stupid past, too.

He had lost her, just like that. If he had maybe given her a some sort of explanation, maybe she would have understood, and he wouldn’t be feeling like he was sick to his stomach at the very moment.

Y/N was very understanding and a really great listener. But Draco didn’t have the guts and had too much of a pride to do something about her.

He wasn’t the person she perceived him as, yes he bullied people and he got with girls just for sexual activities, but it was before it was just in the past. He simply wasn’t like that anymore, it was just his act.

And it was not who he was anymore, he just wished instead of being stubborn with her, he would have just apologized and explained but he was too much of an arse to actually do that.

He went back to his common room as so did Y/N going to the Gryffindor common room, days went without neither talking to each other, they both felt empty, and they clearly craved each other very deeply.

The realization hit Draco that he was being extremely stupid, and Y/N just missed being with him, hanging out with him.

     ᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃                    ᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃                   ᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃      

It was a Friday morning as Y/N and Hermione got out of their class, Hermione was trying to force Y/N to a Ravenclaw party at the room of requirement, but Y/N was not having it, afraid he might see Cedric and Cho or maybe just Draco. But Hermione wasn’t letting go of it, forcing Y/N to say yes.

Eventually Hermione finally got a muttered out “Fine!” From Y/N and she got all excited, throwing her hands up in air as if she just won something and then kissing Y/N on the cheek, surprising Y/N as she did so, and then happily leaving to go to class as she finally achieved what she wanted.

Y/N huffed at the girl as she slowly walked down the corridor to go to her own class, her hand was securely wrapped around her books as she was walking her attention still on the floor as she did so.

Footsteps could be heard from the opposite side which caused Y/N’s head to pop up immediately, her eyes softly met with Draco’s grey eyes as he is walking towards her, she simply froze for a second as she didn’t know what to do.

Y/N soon enough kept her walking pace as she was trying her best to avoid him, she slowly felt him coming towards her and she mentally cursed herself for taking this way to her class.

Slowly but surely he made his way over to her, his hand falling heavy on her shoulders as he lightly pushed her against the nearest wall, causing Y/N to look up at him stunned as she was surprised by Draco’s sudden movements. A dash of glimmer was seen in his eyes, as Y/N just couldn’t bare to open her mouth to say anything.

“Are you going to the party?” Draco’s firm voice rings through her ears as his grip on her shoulders loosen up and gets closer to her, Y/N’s skin burning with tingles just as where Draco touched her.

Suddenly feeling a sort of pit in her stomach, filled with nervousness, she still managed to open her mouth to speak. “I.. What?” Y/N asks in a soft, shaky voice.

Draco’s eyes glimmer at the gentle girl in front of him once again, he softly clears his throat as he slowly lets go of his grip and slowly backs away from the girl.

Y/N’s mind is fuzzy at his movements and her brows furrow in confusion “Why do you care?” Y/N replied coldly, now feeling less stunned and more towards angry.

“Are you going to the stupid fucking party, Y/N?” Draco repeats his question more firmly as Y/N nods slowly, “Good, see you then.” Draco murmurs rigidly as Y/N takes a deep breath and rolls her eyes at him.

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The audacity of that boy had Y/N raging, her mind was racing about him as she was in her dorm trying to pick an outfit for the party, she knew she had to look her hottest tonight, so she picked out her red dress that she was sure of that would leave Draco with his mouth open, she applied some make up on her face too, enough to go with her red dress.

Y/N also helped Hermione too as she helped pick her a gorgeous dress and did her make up in a way that she probably otherwise would never do.

The two of them took a look at themselves at the mirror one last time as the girls couldn’t stop complimenting each other, Hermione thanked Y/N gently as the two finally head off to the party.

The dress Y/N wore was complimenting her body in every way possible and displaying her body for everyone to see, it looked absolutely gorgeous on her body.

As they arrived to the room of requirement, Y/N felt nauseous to see Draco and Cedric, but tried her best to shake it out of her mind, when they entered the room of requirement, Y/N still felt absolutely sick to her stomach, while Hermione was genuinely enjoying the attention from every guy and girl around them.

Y/N slowly took notice as a smirk played onto her lips as she turned to Hermione “See!” She giggled as Hermione wowed. Y/N immediately went to the drink stand, because she knew she couldn’t make it through the night if she was sober. She got herself some disgusting alcoholic liquid and downed it quickly.

“Hey Y/N” a voice caught her attention as she turned around smiling and she greeted the boy happily.

“Heyy Neville!” Y/N said kindly as Neville eyed her up and down “You look amazing! Super pretty and gorgeouss.” She giggled at the boy’s slurred words as it seemed that he had a bit much to drink.

“You wanna dance?” Neville asked sloppily as Y/N chuckled, nodding. Just as they were about to go to the dance floor, an angry voice interrupted the two.

“You have 5 fucking seconds to get the fuck away from her.” Draco basically growled as Y/N’s attention turned to him as she muttered out a simple “Fuck.” “But she just agreed to- ” Neville opened his mouth to speak but he was interrupted again by a jealous Draco.

“If you don’t fucking leave her right this second, I’m gonna hex the fuck out of you!” Draco almost yelled as his eyes were now filled with rage and jealousy, as he caused Neville to walk away quickly, “Sorry!” Y/N yelled out at the boy sympathetically as she angrily turned around to Draco.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Y/N scowled. “Me? You should see yourself, why the fuck were you flirting with that git?” Draco questioned angrily as jealousy was dripping from his mouth. “It’s not like we’re dating so why the fuck do you care, huh?” She mimicked the boy’s words as she chuckled bitterly.

Y/N was about to continue but was interrupted by someone bumping into her, “Watch where you’re fucking goi-” she stopped mid sentence as she saw Cedric, as Cho was stuck next to his side, his hand stuck on to her waist as if it was glued.

Y/N’s eyes widened quickly as she immediately stopped herself from saying anything else and simply walked away, Malfoy was bewildered again as he just followed behind her, calling out for her name as he picked up his pace, but it just caused for her to run faster away.

She ended up going to the Astronomy Tower, in which Draco was right behind her, she turned her back to him as choked out sobs were slowly escaping from her mouth.

Draco’s confusedness was now washed away with worry, Y/N didn’t seem to care that Draco was right there, as if she was comfortable enough around him, it brought some warmth to Draco but he still couldn’t handle seeing Y/N like this.

He could feel his entire body fill up with rage and also worriedness, because somehow and for whatever reason the stupid git Diggory was making you cry, and a little pissed because Neville was flirting with you.

Draco gently approached her as if he was scared to hurt the fragile girl in front of him.

“Y/N, love please talk to me..” Draco started softly as Y/N’s choked sobs were now mixed with her softly breathing, Draco took a. deep breath as he got closer to the girl. “Look princess, I’m here for you okay?” Draco said softly again as Y/N slowly tried to wipe her tears. “Let me help you..” Draco said delicately, turning her around to face him, taking her hands off her face to see her gorgeous face filled with tears.

His hands traced down her cheek, wiping away the girl’s tears. The two of them standing closer than ever to each other, a pit of nervousness both appearing at their stomachs as they were now inches away from each other. “Tell me about Diggory, okay? I… I just want to listen and I want to be there for you.” The boy said in the most genuine way possible and Y/N sighed.

“Uhh… god okay.” Y/N breathed once more as words slowly started pouring out of her mouth.

“When I met Cedric, he seemed like a nice guy, he had everything, he was gorgeous, he was kind, nice, he was amazing... He seemed perfect. We flirted for a while and he was great and all then we started dating, we weren’t really that public about it and I thought that we really worked out really great as a couple, but then the whole Triwizard Tournament happened and.. and..”

Y/N’s breath hitched as Draco gently put his hand on top of hers in reassurance, he held her hand as he stroked it softly with his thumb, telling her that it’s okay and wanting her to tell him more.

“Um you remember the second task?” Y/N asked as Draco nodded still attentively listening to the girl as Y/N softly took a breath.

“Yeah um the one where they have to save who they care about, well that day Cedric saved Cho, and that’s how I found out about him fucking cheating on me with Cho- god.” She said as her eyes filled up with tears again. And this time Draco couldn’t help but pull her into a tight hug.

His whole body relaxed as he hugged the broken girl in front of him, also feeling the tense girl relax up under her touch, his hands slowly travelled to her hair as he started stroking her hair delicately, “Baby, it’s okay, it’s fine...” He said softly as she pulled away from the hug.

“I trusted him and he fucking broke my heart.. I just hate him so so fucking much. God- Draco.. then… and then I met you, I met someone who I felt like I could trust again, I met someone who I wanted to hang out with, but then your reputation, I found out about your reputation, for the first time since Cedric I finally liked a boy, I genuinely liked a boy… and wanted to open up to him, but you broke my heart, you crushed it, I thought you were like Cedric, I really fucking liked you, Malfoy and you devastated me.”

She muttered out as her heart ached. And so did Draco’s but at the same time he was happy about her revelation “You- you fucking like me?” Draco stammered as Y/N nodded.

Draco’s grey eyes glimmered with happiness. “Fucking hell, Y/N I liked you from the moment I fucking met you.. You have been quite literally the only thing good thing in my life as soon as I bumped into you in that bloody class..” Draco exclaimed as Y/N chuckled softly.

“The whole reputation thing was in the past, I was too much of a dick in the past but I’m not like that anymore, I promise, I wanted to explain that to you but when you came in so angry, I got angry and acted like an arse, instead of being reasonable with you, I.. I’m sorry.”

He said as he pulled her into a hug again feeling comfortable holding her and as she felt safe under his touch.

Draco’s tight hold was released from the girl as the two pulled away from the hug, as they did so they finally realized how close they had been standing to each other, as they were both gazing into each other’s eyes, both waiting for the other to make a move.

Draco’s arms were still snaked around her neck, and his soft touch on her neck was bringing Y/N closer and closer to him, but it was so painfully slow that Y/N couldn’t take it anymore.

She huffed as a sigh came out of her pursed lips, she felt as though she could not spend any more minutes without having his lips on hers, so she groaned as she quickly but harshly smashed her soft lips onto Draco’s plump lips as a whimper of satisfaction finally escaping her lips as she did so.

Draco was absolutely stunned and shocked by the girl’s motions and as soon as the realization of what was happening washed over him, his mouth reacted very quickly to hers, a low groan coming out of his mouth.

He absolutely adored the feeling of her lips smashed against his, as her lips felt incredibly soft and plump. Draco deepened the kiss as Y/N slowly parted her mouth, and Draco’s tongue harshly and quickly entered her mouth without any resistance as she parted her mouth ever so willingly, a small hint of redness arose to her cheeks.

His tongue slowly but surely experienced her mouth, it evoke feelings and tinglings in Y/N’s stomach that she never felt before, Draco was in a euphoric state as he was happily exploring Y/N’s mouth, his hands slowly stroked her hair, then they travelled down to her face, slowly caressing her cheeks, then it finally landed on her waist, having a quite harsh grip on it, Y/N could feel the imaginary fireworks exploding around them as their kiss deepened even more, Draco slowly bit her bottom lip, earning a low groan from the girl.

Then after what seemed like a long time, Y/N pulled away as she earned a soft groan from Draco causing her to giggle shyly, “We can continue that later.” She exclaimed as a smirk played on her lips and in return Draco licked his lips seductively as his mouth quirked up into a smile.

“I do have one question for you though.” Draco said softly as a hint of firmness and seriousness could be heard from his tone, which caused Y/N’s eyebrows to furrow in confusion as he looked up to the boy’s grey eyes in confusion, her face washed away with a hint of obvious worry.

“When do I get to hex the fuck out of Diggory?” Draco said as Y/N playfully hit him on the shoulder and giggled at the jealous boy. The two spent the entire night talking to each other, joking around and maybe even making out a little more.  

But one thing was for sure, they both felt so lucky to have finally at last that they found each other. They finally both had what they needed, someone to talk to, someone to listen to, someone to hang out with and someone to love.

taglist: @abb-lan-5sos​ @dracosathenaeum​

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagines #draco malfoy fics #draco malfoy oneshot #draco malfoy smut #harry potter #harry potter imagines #txt

[teflonsos]

⌠ MIGUEL HERRAN, 21, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, RICARDO ‘RICKY’ ALONSO! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in DRIVER’S ED; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (5 a.m. cigarettes after a sleepless night, the smell of burning rubber after driving so fast you break the sound barrier, cheap vodka in an expensive shotglass, scraped knees and elbows from reckless parkour). when it’s the (scorpio)’s birthday on 11/04/98, they always request their CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ kati, 23, est, she/her ⍀ @gallagherintro

STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES

INSPIRATION.

fernando alonso – formula 1

james hunt – formula 1

jp – redline

peter quill – guardians of the galaxy 

emmett cullen – twilight

mercutio – romeo & juliet

han solo – star wars

charlie pace – lost

vert wheeler – acceleracers 

BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR FULL BIO.

when ricky is born, there are expectations as the firstborn male but they are expectations that ricky refuses to meet. he’s stubborn, insolent, and straight up annoying. his dad is mysteriously never around and his mother suffers from chronic illness, so he generally has free range of the house and...free range to harass and drive out nanny after nanny

his younger sister is the balancing force in his life, proper in all the ways that he’s a mess and polite in all the ways that he’s uncouth. however, they get along really well and she’s his best friend in an otherwise large, empty house.

as he gets older, his father’s comings and goings are more noticeable to ricky and he realizes that he doesn’t really understand what his dad’s job actually is? and his father won’t answer his questions about it either. one night, when ricky is about ten years old, he sneaks downstairs to find his father covered in blood. at first he screams until he realizes, that’s not his father’s blood – it’s someone else’s.

put the pieces together, his dad is a blackthorne alumn, assassin, and...brotherhood member. 

ricky doesn’t really get the chance to be close with his parents, but he is super close with his grandfather. his grandfather is a big man with a full laugh who used to race formula one like, back in the sixties. he’s a big name, and ricky wants to be like him, and his grandfather is the one that gets ricky really into the sport. racing. 

ricky starts off by racing t cars, and when he’s fourteen and sneaking out to the track with his sister, things go awry. they’re stopped and kidnapped by brotherhood members. from conversations by the kidnappers, he can surmise that his father has something to upset the brotherhood and the kidnapping is a move to keep his father in his place. ricky have to listen to his father tell the kidnappers he doesn’t give a fuck about him (likely a bluff, but still stings) over the phone.

ricky’s father’s move doesn’t work, and he doesn’t get to them in time. ricky has to beg on the phone for his life. a gunshot rings out. everything else is a blur.

ricky wakes up the next day with a million questions, but there’s one answer: his sister will never walk again. a gunshot has left her without the use of her legs, but otherwise she’ll make a full recovery. she encourages ricky to continue his racing and tells him how much she believes in him.

he takes home trophies year after year while t car racing and people start to learn ricky’s name, to see him as an up and comer as they associate him with his grandfather. the next four years are hard work, but he’s healing from trauma with a new passion and a great support system.

ate age 19, he’s on the podium after his third formula three race, and he wins the championship, raining champagne on his teammates and laughing. his nights are busy, filled with parties and clubs, pretty girls and people willing to give him whatever he wants. 

he awaits the next season and the rise into formula two, but he’s getting ahead of himself. late nights spent partying before the race take their toll on him, and his sister says it best. “you shouldn’t go out there,” she says. “i have to go out there. it’s fine, i’m just a little hungover. besides, it’s raining today. i have the advantage.” but he never learns.

ricky crashes hard, lucky to get off with a tbi and some broken ribs, but the drugs in his system render him a pariah and no one will really want to sponsor him after that. everyone had high hopes for him, but now he just looks like another stupid kid. he’ll never forget the disappointment in his grandfather’s eyes. 

he spends most of the year blowing previous winnings.

after all of that bullshit, his grandfather sits him down. “you’re going to apply to gallagher academy,” he says. and that’s when he tells ricky everything, about his father’s profession, just like his grandfather’s brother and father before him. the legacy, the brotherhood, blackthorne academy, and ricky’s both riveted and horrified. “that’s what my sister got shot for?” 

ricky passes the test while the brotherhood still has its claws clenched tightly around the reigns of gallagher academy somewhere. he’s a good driver, the fastest, and he might’ve been the best if he wasn’t so irrational and drunk on his own pride (among other things.) 

before he can gain the skills to stop his father himself, someone else does. the news comes on ricky’s very first day of school: “dad’s been arrested.” and it’s like his whole world stops, because he always knew his father was bad, just someone else got to him first. 

PERSONALITY.

ADVENTUROUS: ricky is not afraid of risks, and actually, this is usually in a good way. he pushes himself to want and pursue fulfilling life experiences, so while he’s made stupid decisions, he never lets fear stop him from taking chances and trying new things, so he’s pretty open-minded 

CHARISMATIC: pretty good at putting on a smile and making himself likable when he needs to be, he has a nice smile and a good-natured spirit even if he can be a bit MUCH at times ! the kind of asshole that you can’t help but like anyway, he means well 

FLEXIBLE: one of his great strengths is his ability to go with the flow, it doesn’t change him around or turn him inside out when things don’t go his way, he’s pretty adaptable and able to adjust when there’s a wrench in his plans

SELF-DESTRUCTIVE: ricky has a habit of ruining things when they’re going good for him, he’s notorious for self-sabotage and it probably comes from a mix of feeling like he’s invincible so he pushes limits and because he’s almost comfortable in the label of fuck-up at this point, not wanting to get his hopes up too high

ENTITLED: whether he likes it or not, he comes from a good family and a past where most things have just been handed to him. so, while he’s worked hard, he’s never had to work...that hard. he feels entitled to success and certain things in life and he can be a bit of a dick about it, even out of touch with other ways of life. he tends to feel like he deserves things, such as his gallagher education or another chance at racing

SELF-CENTERED: apart from his sister, ricky very much puts himself first and can be a bit selfish. it’s mostly out of self-preservation, but most of his thoughts revolve around him. he actually puts a lot of pressure on himself, which is why he turns to unhealthy coping mechanisms and doesn’t look at how his actions affect others in his life

HEADCANONS.

when it comes to his memory loss, it’s pretty manageable. he keeps up with medication and IF he gets a good night sleep/eats well...it’s good on his brain. but sometimes he’s not so great about it! his most common habits are: putting something down and forgetting where he just put it, asking you a question he’s already asked, and he’s bad with names

used to be good at fighting games but now he isn’t and he still tries and it’s sad :(

as you can guess, he’s really bad at card games but he likes to gamble so he’ll just bet on other stuff. always ready to put money on the results of a sports game or something, loves to do fantasy brackets

really likes anime movies! watches a lot, but his faves are obviously redline, akira, princess mononoke, perfect blue, and ghost in the shell. he watches anime too and tbh probably a lot of anime i’ve never seen like naruto, one piece, and cowboy bebop. for my sanity please don’t talk to much about them with him bc i won’t know what to write.

loves to skateboard and snowboard, and is pretty good at it because really the main thing is confidence and he has plenty of that! 

loves to play pranks in class or on people, he’s got a whole repertoire of tricks he used to play on his nannies growing up and has no issue with playing them on a teacher with a stick up their ass

his primary coping mechanisms are 1) hating his father 2) cocaine and 3) acting stupid 

is bisexual and honestly doesn’t give a fuck! guys, girls, whatever, sex is sex and he’s gonna like who he likes. has never come out to his parents but has never known them well enough for it to matter. 

had a steady long term girlfriend but she broke up with him when he started to tank his future and started partying more, probably as self-preservation for herself and ricky feels guilty about how he treated her, doesn’t want to put anyone else through that

really likes german cars so it’s a bummer that he missed out on the berlin trip, he’s going to geek out and cry any time someone mentions berlin to him, he’ll be so jealous of their semester

has wicked good eyesight, 20/20 vision which is great on the track but he also has really good aim on a shooting range, he’s a pretty observant person as well 

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

BROTHERHOOD CONNECTIONS. Someone who also had someone close to them (likely a family member) that was also arrested for being involved with the Brotherhood by the strike team. Both Ricky and your muse are dealing with the shock of this together. 

FAN? SOMEONE WHO FOLLOWS RACING? Someone who watched Ricky’s rise and fall from grace by being invested in F1. It would make sense if they were a big fan of Ricky’s grandfather...and Ricky is the disappointment. Idk someone with predisposed opinions on Ricky. 

PARTNER IN CRIME. The two of them just vibe like immediately they both have the same chaotic energy and encourage each other’s recklessness to take chances and do stupid shit, are probably hilarious and can’t take anything seriously when they’re in the same room together, the kind of friends that other people can’t stand to see them together.

WHOLESOME FWB. They get along really well as friends and mainly just need to scratch an itch sometimes. None of that toxic shit, they probably lay around and talk about their crushes and are actually friends.

CONFIDANT. Late night rooftop conversations, this person can get Ricky to open up, is probably someone who is really chatty and comfortable with their own emotions and they encourage Ricky to be open about his. 

INFATUATION. Ricky doesn’t know your muse at all, just sees them in the hallway and thinks they’re super hot, probably an older and unattainable student that wouldn’t give him a second glance but he’s like...this is my future spouse. They just don’t know I exist. Has never talked to them and they might not even vibe if they ever spoke lol. 

ENEMIES? They simply don’t! Get along? Hate at first sight? They see Ricky smoking a blunt on campus and think he’s stupid irresponsible? He doesn’t remember their name when he should have? He makes a stupid immature comment that rubs your muse the wrong way? Any of the above, ready to fight at any moment. 

RACING BUDDIES. Another driver’s ed student who is willing to race with him after hours or practice together, they both wanna fuck the cars, they both are super competitive and bring that out in each other. 

OLD FAMILY FRIENDS. Their parents knew one another, likely on his dad’s (Blackthorne/spy) side, and they grew up closely. After the kidnapping happened, your character’s parent stopped speaking to the Alonsos and distanced themselves. Your character is probably the only one who knows about that part of Ricky’s past in any detail. 

GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT. Ricky tried to flirt with your character but actually wound up pissing them off by seeming like an entitled white boy, which he is. He’s trying to prove to your character that he’s not so bad! This connection has nothing to do with feet I just had no better ideas for a name I hate feet. 

REALLY BAD SEX. your muse has ricky saved in their phone like [link]...prob a hookup that happens on one of the first days after he heard about his dad but...he’s fucked up and sad and he can’t get it up! It’s literally so embarrassing, maybe they’re both embarrassed, he wants to die when he sees ur muse around bc they saw his limp ass sad boy dick.

CAT AND MOUSE TYPE THING. essentially ricky has a bunch of attempts to flirt with your muse & your muse fucking hates it. Tom and jerry but like, if tom wanted to fuck jerry. I think of this gifset. 

#gallagher:intro

[bettsfic]

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on breaking bad if you feel like sharing!! You're done with it, right?

oh my god thank you for asking. you have no idea how much i want to talk about this show but i’m running in a decade late with starbucks and feel weird just cold posting about it. i just finished the whole series and i watched el camino twice, and i’ve also been catching up on bts stuff and digging through a bit of the meta commentary of the time. i haven’t started BCS but i plan to soon.

first off, when i started watching the show, i realized i actually had seen a bit of it. it turns out i saw the first 3 seasons back in 2011, but it was shortly after my dad had died of cancer, and my boyfriend insisted on watching it. i remember telling him that it made me uncomfortable because it was too close to home. my dad had cancer for 4 years, and mom was going through bankruptcy because of all the medical bills. my boyfriend didn’t care. he made me keep watching, and i guess we broke up before we got to s4. or maybe there were only 3 seasons out at the time. either way, i set it down in 2011 and vowed not to watch it. 

then a month or so ago, i finished westworld 3, got obsessed with aaron paul, and decided to give brba another go.

(this gets personal. so putting the rest under a cut!)

so s1 and 2 are solidly okay. the show seemed like it was finding its feet and didn’t know what it wanted to be, a comedy or a tragedy, but i know that feeling and sometimes i really like when stories toe that divide, so i didn’t mind. s1 and 2, i was mostly marveling over how utterly beautiful aaron paul is. my god.

s3 has some major pacing issues (monologues! so many monologues!!), but the show starts to really come into itself and figure out What It Is. i skipped over a lot of stuff after reading wiki summaries, mostly that just seemed like suffer porn and which i knew would dwell a lot in discomfort. then we get to the episode where jesse monologues at walt about how walt ruined his life, and i was just sobbing. i don’t think a tv show has ever made me cry like that. i was ruined.

even if the writing of those seasons isn’t the best, the direction and performances are some of the best i’ve ever seen in television. aaron paul and bryan cranston could read a phonebook at each other and make it compelling.

the entire time, i just wanted jesse and walt to get on each other’s sides and work together. i was in it for the loyalty kink. i had no idea there would be so much angst, and i was veering toward the point of giving up. but i was assured repeatedly by friends that it would get better.

and it did. walt saves jesse. walt fights for jesse. jesse fights for walt. THEY WORK TOGETHER. and more importantly, their relationship starts to get so fucked up, so codependent, so toxic. and not in the way shows usually portray fucked-up relationships, like totally oblivious to its own toxicity. this show leans in. it seems to know the entire time exactly the psychological connotations its evoking, and it does it intentionally. and i really value it for that. 

s4 is where the show went from “pretty good” to “holy shit.” i’ve never seen a more accurate and clear portrayal of a narcissist. my triggers are many, varied, and wildly inconsistent, but i was in a state of being mildly triggered for days, and i really appreciated that feeling, that a story could push me that far and make me reflect as deeply as it did. i tend to go wild over anything that can make me feel something, even if it’s bad. most stuff i read and watch just kind of numbs and distracts me. this show wasn’t an escape so much as an assault. and i loved it for that.

my dad was a narcissist, and every interaction between jesse and walt or skyler and walt brought up a thousand memories of things my dad said and did. at one point, when walt is really at his worst, i think around skyler telling him she’s waiting for his cancer to come back, i remember thinking, “if walt were a little bit meaner, he would be just like my dad.”

and oh boy, that thought fucked me up. my dad was worse than the most believably evil character in the history of television. i got diagnosed with ptsd in 2017 and have spent these past 3 years more or less fighting that diagnosis, thinking, “it wasn’t that bad!” because my dad wasn’t physically violent. at least not frequently. and i’ve never been able to articulate what exactly my dad did that was so bad, or how insidious his behavior was. he didn’t cook meth obviously, but he had that false disenfranchisement attitude, that resentfulness that walt has toward his family for taking his greatness from him, that regret at not being more than he was. 

but seeing my dad’s behavior playing out on screen, not just accurately but calling it out for exactly as fucked up and toxic as it was -- and how it affects, destroys, all the other characters -- it may have been hard to watch, but i’ve never felt so validated. i finally feel like i’m not faking it anymore or making it up or being dramatic. or, as my dad liked to say, “too sensitive.” i’ve only ever been able to write about my dad in sections, put pieces of him in different characters, because to put him fully into anything, fiction or non, feels like it would completely eject a reader from the story. brba showed me there’s a way to do it, and now i feel inspired to maybe tell that story finally. 

so i’m intensely grateful to vince gilligan for making a believable, empathetic (not sympathetic) narcissist, and writing his long and steady decline into evil. on a storytelling level, it was extremely satisfying to watch, because most writers don’t have the patience to stick with evil characters, or really get into their psychology. on a personal level, i feel like i’ve worked through a lot of stuff while watching it, and i feel like a major weight has been lifted. 

a lot of mass media is made by people who are just taking jobs and don’t really care about what they’re doing. it’s clear that everyone involved is just looking for a paycheck. but i got the sense the entire time i was watching brba that everyone really loved and believed in what they were doing. there was a carefulness to the story and a sensitivity in it that kept me glued the entire time. 

and i won’t even get started with el camino because that’s a whole different rant, involving how in absolute awe i am of aaron paul, but i loved it so so much, and i’m 10k into a post-EC fic that i’m hoping to post in a week or so. (unrelated but i just watched a table reading of a s5 brba episode and aaron paul just WRECKS himself during it. everyone else is kind of panning their lines, but he’s just sitting there SOBBING. i’m glad he won the emmys he deserved for his performance. if anyone wants to come talk to me about aaron paul, i am HERE)

we’ll see how i feel in a year, but as of right now, brba in my top 5 favorite (drama) shows of all time. it’s really rare that i both 1) think show/book/movie is extremely good and 2) get obsessed enough to write fic about it. usually i only write fic about stuff that has unmet potential, and i feel compelled to fix it or use the characters for something else. but in the case of brba, i’m more interested in expansion and homage.

anyway i’m probably going to watch el camino again tonight. happy to take more asks about brba!

#abuse cw #death cw #brba #my meta #Anonymous

[roominthecastle]

Thank you for taking the time and typing up your reply, @alma37.

Now I get where you were coming from. You are def much more attached to Zoe than I am. You don’t need to produce any other arguments and “I like it better this way” is a perfectly acceptable answer. And while I don’t believe Agatha’s return is completely at Zoe’s expense -- given that she would have died anyway --, I understand the pain of watching a favorite character used as fodder for another one’s story.

You’ve also raised some interesting points and the exact questions I’ve been pondering myself, so I’m gonna take this opportunity to just unload my thoughts here. Please don’t take this as me trying to talk you out of your opinion or preferences bc I don’t wanna do that.

This is mostly just me trying to explain my preferences to myself.

"after Blood Vessel, as much as Dracula liked her, I could not see him and Agatha together”

oh yes, theirs is an infinitely fucked up dynamic, there is no debating that. they are enemies, so murder attempts come w/ the territory, which is not every shipper’s cup of tea and that’s understandable. However, every relationship involving Dracula is fucked up this way by default since he automatically brings his "inclinations” into it. I guess one could write him already “tamed” and w/ less issues but then it wouldn’t really be him. This is a major thing I love about this show, how they are not afraid to portray him as a full-fledged monster who just keeps coming at you w/ a razor smile -- partly bc he literally can’t help himself. He is a predator who -- to once again quote the commentary -- operates w/ a “torturous sense of fairness” that, to me, echoes the amorality you can observe in the animal kingdom: there is no reasoning with a hungry lion once it’s spotted a zebra; it’s in its nature to hunt prey in order to survive. Empathy or morals don’t factor into this basic conduct.

Dracula has this hard-wired primal drive, too. And Agatha points it out early on when she calls him a beast who doesn’t understand the rules governing its behavior but simply follows them. Of course, he has a point, as well, when he claims he’s more than that. He is. Otherwise, he would just be absolved of all the killing he does, which would feel cheap and unjust and would rob his character of all the fun complexities. Underneath the veneer of a sophisticated nobleman there is a beast, and underneath that grotesque (protective) display are human remains and loads of festering mental health issues. But the only person who bothers to look at these layers and how they inform each other is Agatha. Her equally unyielding drive for knowledge & understanding is the power that allows her to counter him, exert control over him, and tap into his deformed human core in a way nobody else has ever been able to. She does this to save others from him but also to satisfy her own dark fascination, and in the process I think she also comes to feel for him. They reach a level of intimacy that makes this outcome inevitable, imo.

This, in my eyes, makes her pretty much the only person who has any chance at having a more meaningful relationship w/ him that lasts longer than his feeding time. This is also what comes across in Dracula’s indirect advice to Zoe: if she hopes to match him, she will need to conjure Agatha from his blood. He essentially gives her the key to his own destruction (which is also his way out), then retreats and waits. This has the same self-regulating vibe as him convincing himself that his immense supernatural power has ordinary loopholes like needing an invitation to enter or the sunlight. Shame is a control tactic and self-shaming is a form of self-control, albeit a very problematic one. He puts in checks and balances which you wouldn’t do unless deep down you knew you needed to be “checked and balanced” by someone who’s willing to take on the thankless task. He cannot do it, he can’t face himself (he literally smashes mirrors and turns from every reflective surface), but Agatha is willing and able to drag him back into the light.

This is why the parallel to Petruvio & his wife works so well. The design to Dracula’s mind (and therefore the way out) is scattered across time and many myths. Agatha collects these and uses them to lead him out of the prison he’s made for himself, which has its visual parallel in the maps being hidden inside the wife’s portrait.

In other words, I cannot see Dracula with anyone else long term since he sees everyone else as a toy and/or a prey -- a means to an end. That’s how he sees Agatha at first, too, and it takes some time for him to realize that he made a mistake. This delayed realization can also be attributed to his bestial drive that has subdued the rest of him for so long, he really cannot cut through its wiring on his own; he came to exist to continue his existence, and the pointless circularity of this is the biggest trap: despite leaving loopholes, he’s still a prisoner of his own hunger & shame. Feeling for others would make it infinitely more painful but shedding empathy only provides a temporary release. Still, life lived solely for oneself is never fulfilling no matter how long it stretches forward, and the insatiable hunger Dracula feels gels nicely w/ this.

It’s Agatha who breaks the circle when she makes him confront the human origin of all this mess. Once she gets through to him, once she makes him remember, we can witness what Mofftiss call the “beginning of morality” and empathy seeping back into Dracula, and his existence takes on meaning when he chooses to sacrifice his immortality to take away her mortal pain. To me this feels like a direct call-back to the scene where he asks her if she is willing to die to save that terrified child and she tells him she would die to save any terrified child bc “there is a nobler purpose to my life than simply prolonging it.” But Dracula only comes to feel this nobler purpose where Agatha is concerned (baby steps :). He still doesn’t care about anyone else but that could be a juicy problem to tackle next season if there is one. *crosses fingers*

“they needed Agatha to stay human until the end of TDC - but, in that case, why bring her so late in the episode?”

I’m afraid only the writers can answer this one. But my best guess is that there are other characters from the novel -- Lucy especially -- they wanted to play with a little. Since I like them, too, and like how they planted them into this modern setting, I have no problem w/ Agatha taking her sweet time resurrecting. This was also a nice way to show just how bored & lost Dracula is in her absence (side note: him using Tinder as a takeout menu + complaining that he has to exercise now that everything is delivered and doesn’t have to be hunted down will never not be hilarious AF). I have seen a few fans complain about the pacing of ep 3 but I think it provides a nice, strategic contrast to the more dynamic previous episode, again highlighting why Agatha’s presence in his life was so invigorating and how her absence is the opposite -- he is a 500-year old warlord yet his life is now somehow... banal bc he has no worthy match.

“If he really want Agatha so badly, and since Zoe doesn’t come after him (she has other things in mind, understandably), why does he not? To see if his little ply worked? If his dear Agatha is back? The only time Renfield talks about Zoe, Dracula doesn’t seem remotely interested.”

I think he is interested (his suggestion to use bats as surveillance cracks me up every time) and he is waiting. He keeps tabs on the Harker Foundation from a safe distance and, to me, looks rather crestfallen when Renfield tells him that his lady friend (aka Van Helsing aka his “Agatha incubator”) left and seems to have lost all interest in Dracula. I think he expected a different outcome. It’s speculation but I think he expected Zoe to drink his blood (bc it doesn’t come as a surprise later when he notices the changes in her) and expected it to have an effect sooner and time is running out since Zoe is dying. Zoe was supposed to act similarly to the bed of his own native soil (she is a “bed” of Agatha’s DNA) and regenerate Agatha even if it’s temporary. So he is both staying away (survival is still key) and wants her to come after him again -- a delicious contradiction he can’t untangle by himself.

Lack of (threatening) interest, however, is a clear sign that Agatha is not back. If she were, he def wouldn’t have to go and check. She would waste no time seeking him (and indeed she wants to go after him the second she manifests and, as Zoe remarks, Dracula isn’t surprised to find her at his doorstep -- another parallel to ep 1 where it’s Agatha who anticipated him coming for his bride). I think he was waiting for her return just like Agatha was waiting for his in ep 2 (another parallel). It’s Renfield‘s remarks that drive this point home for me as he has a front row seat to what Dracula is like during these 3 months: “I wonder what it is you actually want,” and “What are you doing with your time?” I think it’s no coincidence that both of these questions get answered only w/ Agatha’s return. Dracula basically idles in the meantime. And the fact that it takes Agatha 3 months to properly manifest, when Zoe is the weakest, is def a testament to Zoe’s strength of character. She is a Van Helsing, after all. And they vanquish the monster in the smartest, most elegant way: by making him feel something other than blinding hunger for the first time in centuries.

#alma37 #bbc dracula #dracula x agatha #musings

[rosykims]

better left unspoken

a lil thing for @trvelyans bc i love u so much <3 for maia’s fnv courier, isadora delcourt, and mine, winston grier. 2300 words. cw for anxiety, panic attacks and descriptions of minor injuries.

Winston's hands are stained with blood, and he only wishes it was his.

He holds his breath as he works on closing off the stitching of her shoulder; it's a bad habit, one his mother would surely disapprove of, but it's all he can do to bite back the rush of horror he can feel bubbling up steadily inside of him.

Isadora makes no move to meet his eye, though its the weighted silence hovering between them that concerns Winston the most. She doesn't speak – hasn't in the eight or so months he's known her, in any case – but he has come to view the air around her as a palpable thing, learnt to read the charge and vibration of it like book indented with braille. Even without the aid of her voice, there is a rich language in the way she carries its absence; a hundred different ways to say nothing and everything all at once.

This is not the type of quiet he’s used to; not the soft, unassuming ease she so often carries with her - inside her - but something else. This quiet runs deeper somehow – he can hear it not just in her lack of speech but in the stillness of her breathing, the way she holds herself rigid and tense in her seat as he works, idle enough that the old chair she sits on barely registers her weight at all. Even here in the Lucky 38, surrounded by a gentle buzzing of outdated machinery and the distant voices of the city's denizens, the air between them is so devoid of sound he almost jumps when he hears her pained intake of breath.

“I'm s-s-sorry,” he mumbles, wincing at the loudness of his own voice. “I'm almost d-done.”

Dora doesn't nod, doesn't shrug; just sets her jaw and keeps her eyes pointedly averted. Winston swallows hard, and turns his attention back to the issue at hand.

It isn't bad. Not really. He's seen far worse, he reminds himself, inflicted far worse, even. An unfortunate, albeit short lived encounter with some Freeside thugs had been her half hearted explanation as she stumbled into his room only an hour before, pale and clammy from blood loss.

Such is the nature of the Mojave, he knows. Isadora is more than capable of defending herself, he knows. But the slash across her shoulder is deeper than any injury of hers he has seen thus far, and the thought of anybody getting so close to her . . .

He finishes up the stitches with miraculously steady hands, and sets the tools down on the bedside table quietly, reaching now for the bowl of water and cloth beside it. His fingers are still slick with blood, and he works at them with the rag as best he can without appearing frantic, blinking back tears as the strange silence stretches on between then.

He can almost see the alley where it happened, the assailant's knife glinting in the dark. Can almost see it cut an inch deeper, half a inch, or just a little to the left –

“Thank you.”

Winston blinks. Morse code is still mostly a matter of trial and error for him, but the soft, hesitant way she taps her nails against the wooden table is enough of a clue as to her meaning, and it pulls him out of his spiraling just in time.

He shakes his head dismissively, focusing on keeping his eyes locked on his fingers. He doesn't think he can look at her, let alone speak. What can he even say to that? It’s okay? No problem?

It is a problem. Everything about tonight has been a problem, and absolutely nothing about it has been okay. So instead he keeps his head down, hopes against hope that she leaves it be.

She doesn't. Of course she doesn't. “I'm sorry,” comes her tapped out addition.

Winston sets the stained cloth down. There's a lump sitting rough in the back of his throat, as if talking weren't already enough of a challenge, but he swallows it down for her. “D-Don't be.” He says quietly. “It's n-n-not y-your fault.”

She doesn't seem to have an answer for this, and he jumps at an opportunity to remove himself for the situation entirely. “T-take your d-dress off?” He murmurs, more of a question than anything.

A beat passes before he realizes the absurdity of his request, and blushes. “I – I mean . . . t-take it off, so I c-can c-clean it. The b-b-blood. Before it's r-ruined.”

He knows it might be too late for this kind of optimism, judging by the red mess coating the entire right side of her otherwise pristine cream dress. An odd expression crosses her face – confusion, then surprise, and then something else, sadder, that he can't quite understand – but she lets out a small breath of resignation at his request, before standing up and unzipping herself carefully.

He looks away as she does. He always looks away, even when he knows he probably shouldn't. What they have is . . . well, it's something, but it's not that yet.

And that isn't a train of thought Winston can follow for more than thirty seconds without feeling as if the floor has given out from under his feet.

“There's a s-s-sweater in - in the t-top drawer.” He says, amazed that he can get the words out at all.

He hears the tell-tale sounds of her changing, and only a moment later her hand is on his shoulder, firm and gentle simultaneously. He turns around as she dots “done" against the fabric of his jacket.

He tries hard not to look at her as he takes the bundled fabric from her hands. He tries very hard not to focus on the way his sweater fits her like a dress, and how she is quite possibly the only person on Earth who could ever make his sweaters look good.

More than anything, he tries not to look at her eyes, staring freely at him now with that same inexplicable sadness that makes his heart stutter painfully in his chest.

She's so pretty. Too pretty, and too kind and too good for him to have spent the last hour stitching her shoulder back together.

He nods his thanks, too stiff and robotic to pass as casual, and leaves the room as quickly as he can without breaking into a sprint. He can't hear her pursuit behind him, mercifully, but it's only when he reaches the suite's small, fluorescent bathroom that he allows himself to release the gasping breath he’d been holding.

Right. Now his hands are shaking.

He fills the sink with water – it's not warm, but the Lucky 38 is luckier than most just to have a working plumbing system – and begins to scrub at the dress with a bar of soap. The water turns red almost instantly, and in the harsh light he realizes that his hands are still bloody, his nails still caked with the majority of it.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Winston presses his mouth against his shoulder to stifle a sob, and scrubs harder still at the fabric. He can't panic, not now, not here, not with her waiting for him just meters behind the door. Stop making this about you, sneers a callous voice in the back his mind. This is the last thing she should have to deal with right now.

The tears don't stop, but his breathing slows as he focus on the state of the dress. He will get the blood out, even if he has to stay up all night to do it.

Dora loves this dress. He has to get the blood out.

There's a light rap at the door, and he jumps, another small sob escaping him as he does. He shakes his head again, willing some degree of calm as Dora opens the door and lets herself inside.

Her hands are at his shoulder in an instant, rubbing comforting circles against tensed muscles as he hunches over the sink, avoiding her gaze in the mirror above.

His avoidance does little. There's a familiar, all-too-her sound of pen on paper before she slides her notebook onto the counter and into his peripheral.

I'm so sorry, Winston, the message reads. Her handwriting, usually so neat and put together, seems far shakier than usual. The last thing I wanted to do was scare you. I'm okay, I promise. I'm okay.

“I can't talk about this.” He signs the words to the mirror, hoping that will prove to her he means it.

Her reflection hesitates for a moment before she raises her own hands in turn. “Then don't talk.” She motions back.

Winston laughs, but it comes out more like a whimper, and the sound of it makes him shake his head again. “Not what I meant. I can't talk about this.” He taps talk into his chin with a little more force than needed for the emphasis, and Dora's palms press firmer against his shoulder, an instinctive, protective little thing that makes his heart skip a beat.

In the flickering bathroom light, she looks even paler than before, her soft red hair the only trace of colour he can find as she regards him now. She looks like a ghost, he thinks with a flash of horror.

“It's okay, I'm okay.” The words are a mantra repeated against his skin, and gradually the repetition seems to ease its way into his bloodstream, slowing his feverish pace and yielding a comfort that feels uniquely hers.

The blood is coming out. The realization makes him blink as he straightens up to view his progress. Bleach next. A little baking soda maybe . . .

Isadora catches his eye in the mirror, deeply concerned, but his focus shifts near instantly to his own features. He looks . . . unfamiliar. Thinner and gaunter than he was, with dark half moons stamped under glassy, bloodshot eyes. When did this person become me? When did I become this person?

It isn’t Isadora’s doing, though watching her now he can see her jump to that conclusion, clearer than any admission of guilt she could offer verbally. This steady decline isn't her, but she doesn't know that, and how could she not? How could she possibly think . . .

Winston sighs, and slowly turns around, abandoning the dress to soak as he looks at Dora directly for the first time. Her brow raises, subtle and minute, but he can tell she's relieved to have him look at her again, and that thought alone sends a pang of guilt through him. He doesn't want her to feel responsible. That's not what this is about.

“I wish I could keep you safe from this.” He signs. The tremor in his fingers is blatant, but he hopes the conviction is, too. “I know you don't need me to, but I wish I could help.”

“You are helping.” Her hands respond.

“Not like this. I don't ever want to see you hurt.”

Dora frowns, crooks her fingers in hesitation as she reads the worry in his face. “You might not have a choice. Look around.”

He doesn't need to, but his eyes flicker from hers anyway, blinking away fresh tears. He takes a deep, steadying breath.

“I c-can't st-stand the thought of anything h-happening to you, D-Dora.” He whispers, his voice thick and cracking with the weight of the meaning behind it. “I th-think about losing you and – and I c-c-can't b-breathe, and -"

Her face crumples as he chokes on his words, and she takes a shaky breath, biting her lip to cling to her restraint. She’s always been so good at that; being strong, being brave. But now she takes a tentative step forward, arms outstretched towards him like an offering. He takes her hands and guides her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair.

“I'm safe,” she taps against his chest, fingers curling into the cotton of his shirt. “You won't lose me.”

“You can't know that.” He presses back.

She looks up at him, gifts him a crinkled smile. “Neither can you.”

The absurd confidence in her non-answer makes him laugh, somehow in spite of everything. Another strange new silence permeates the space between them as he regards her, one more line of braille he hasn't quite yet decoded. This one is warmer, softer than before; full of uncertainty and questions, but perhaps not ones that require definitive answers. Not tonight, in any case. Tonight, he just wants to forget; discard the blood, and the fear, and the hopelessness that's hounded their every move since Goodsprings. He just wants to focus on the way the bathroom casts pleasant shadows over the angles of her cheeks, or how the fluorescence lights up the crown of her red hair like a halo.

The way she bites her lip when she smiles at him. Only at him.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, signing the words slow with a nervous smile of his own.

Dora replies by catching his fingers in hers, entwining them together and tugging him forwards gently. Her lips press soft against his, sweet and chaste and comforting like nothing else he's ever known. Winston sighs happily against her mouth and cranes his neck, his hands cupping her face to kiss her deeper still. Her lashes tickle against his cheeks, and then she shifts, pulling her mouth from his and migrating upwards, kissing away his tears.

He laughs, and she laughs too - a light, breathy thing. She peers at him through her lashes only for a moment before a spark of something flickers across her features, and she tugs him softly once more, leading him backwards out of the bathroom with a mischievous grin.

“You can kiss me all you want,” she signs, messy and languid in her movements. “But leave the dress. I think I'd like to make it up to you.”

She doesn't need to, not now or ever, but Winston doesn't protest.

#fallout new vegas #fnv #oc: winston #mine: writing #mine: all #hi yes i have not posted a full fic on here in like. .... literally 10 months #what of it #i literally have not stopped thinking abt winston x dora since yesterday nd i couldnt live until i wrote this fdjkfdkjfdkj #i hope i got her chara okay FGDKJHFDGKJFDGJK #also it's not explicitly stated but ! isadora is mute nd winston has stutter (and is selectively mute as well) #dora talks thru morse/writing and winston prefers sign language so. that was rly fun to write !

[heroesarelife]

I have just realized I have never posted it here. My first ever english fic/piece xD I only posted it on AO3 eons ago, much before I made this blog. Might as well leave it here.

Was originally written to train my english writing and as a self-comfort piece (bc I have panic syndrome) using one of my bnha oc’s (and then turned into a reader piece). I actually had a long fic planned with plot and stuff and actually did nothing less than 7 chapters for this - which are all in portuguese. I have it in mind to maybe make english versions of it at some point, but I’m not fully confident if there’s interest, so let me know. Either way enjoy the wee piece as it works well as a stand alone one.

It is written on a 3rd person narrative, as I don’t do 2nd person. Fem!Reader. Look at tags for warnings.

Title: Miles Away

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Reader Characters: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead Additional Tags: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Like panic syndrome, Panic Attacks, You Have Been Warned, just an excuse for more aizawa really, Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Female pronouns, Established Relationship Summary: Some nights can be pretty bad, especially if you are alone. But sometimes you can be helped, even if from a distance.

Read on AO3 or down below.

Miles Away

She woke up suddenly, a strangled cry lodged in her throat. Panting, she stared at the darkened ceiling, trying to situate herself, separate herself from the nightmare. Her heart was beating rapidly, she felt as if she was battling to breath and, for a desperate second, thought it possible that she would stop breathing altogether. No, no, don’t think that, nobody ever died from a nightmare before.

She closed her eyes, intentionally taking slow deep breaths, consciously relaxing each muscle of her body, ordering her heart to pick up a normal pace. It’s alright, I’m alright.

After what seemed an agonizing eternity, her heartbeat began to normalize. Not anymore trapped in panic, she was able to shift her focus to other sensations, looking to anchor herself. She moved her legs haltingly, trying to reconnect with the rest of her body. A gentle breeze caressed her sweat-covered skin, making her hairs prick out in silent protest against the thermic shock. Distant sounds came through the window: a car alarm, the soft ruffle of tree leaves, a lonely bird singing in the dark. The sounds of a city night. A voice, murmuring on her ear, making her hairs prick in fear “you think you can escape from me?”

No, no. It’s not real, I’m alone, I know I am. In defensive reflex she closed her eyes, feeling, with renewed anguish, her heart rate rising again, her muscles trembling; if from cold or fear, she couldn’t tell. A ghost sensation of a hand, holding her wrist. No, stop it, this is your mind, playing tricks. A soft whimper escaped her lips, mixed in with a car engine sound in the street outside. Shaking, she gripped the bed sheets with all her strength, looked towards the window, where some streetlights could be seen. She needed something, anything.

I’m in control, I can’t be hurt, everything is alright. She repeated mentally, in a desperate mantra. Focused back on her breaths. In, and out. In, and out. Slowly, surely. I’m alright, all is well. Her breath was shaking, bur her heartbeat was slowly normalising. Yes, that’s it. Suddenly, without warning, the peak of the panic took over and she found herself bolting from the bed, barely in time to be violently ill in the toilet.

With reflex tears from the pain running down her cheeks, she sat down on the cold tiles, hugging her legs, supporting her head back against the wall. Breathing, just breathing. It’s over, it’s fine, the worst is over. God, she was tired. Her muscles shook with the adrenaline hangover, her head pounding painfully.

After what seemed a rather long time, she slowly felt fit to get up, supporting her weight in the sink. Washing her mouth and face, she looked at her reddened eyes in the mirror, her tired reflection staring back. This sort of incident had become more spaced out through the years, but when it happened it was always much more intense and tiring. There weren’t many things that helped, mostly she just had to get through them.

It was easier when he was around. Supporting her weight against the bathroom doorstop, she looked at the empty bed. She needed rest badly, but didn’t think it possible after what happened. She still felt somehow disconnected from her limbs, numb. Resigned, she gathered the bed sheets and cocooned them around her body, as she was still shaking and the breeze – however gentle - felt cold against her skin. With a sigh, she sat by the window, looking out. The clock marked 4am and it was still dark outside, or as dark as a big city could be. She could see the streetlights, an overnight bus going about its business, darkened buildings. Saddening, you could never really see the night sky in the city.

When he was around, even when this happened, she always could go back to his arms, to his warmth. Snuggle against him, waiting for his breath and heartbeat to lull her back to sleep. But he was in Japan, some thousand miles away. Foolishly, she felt tears begin to form, and bravely fought them back. What was she, a child? She spent so many nights like these without him, she could survive another without lamenting his absence.

As if on cue, her phone vibrated against the wooded side table, the sudden and invasive sound startling her. It’s just the phone.

She sat back on the bed, getting the phone, a hand against her heart, trying to calm it back down. So jumpy. She felt in no state of mind to hold a conversation, but it could be something important about work.

Eraser

Her heart leapt. Was he a psychic? What time was it in Japan? Too tired to think, she answered the call instinctively; he would worry if she didn’t.

“…Hey”, she tried to clear her voice, hoping it didn’t sound as shaky as she felt.

“Hey. Did I wake you?” His deep voice came in, distracted. Just hearing his voice was like a balm to her soul, making her feel ridiculously close to weeping. “Shit, it’s the middle of the night for you, sorry”

As it seemed like he would hang up, she hurried to answer, “No, don’t worry, I was awake”, a sigh of relief from the other side. “Don’t hang up yet. It’s… really good. To hear your voice”, she managed to prevent her voice from trembling.

“Hmm? Well, it’s pretty late for you though. You sure it’s okay?”

“Yeah, it’s alright” gathering herself on the bed, she hugged her knees, smiling weakly. There it was, her anchor. She searched her mind for something to say, “do tell, how was Hizashi’s birthday? I’m that sorry I missed it”

“It was loud. You missed nothing, really. Just everyone getting loud and pissed.”

“Oh, are you drunk? You are a funny drunk,” she teased.

“No, as a matter of fact, I was the designated driver” he answered, dryly. “Just barely managed to prevent Nemuri from vomiting the whole car”

She made a sympathetic sound in her throat, appreciating that the conversation was beginning to distract her, “She never did hold her liquor very well”.

“Yeah, was just a mess, better to be home” he said in a tense tone, with a heavy sigh.

They fell into silence. She squeezed the bed sheet in her hand strongly, battling back her nausea. She felt like her mouth was trembling, but the night wasn’t cold. A small ‘meow’ came from the other end of the line. Miku, their kitty. Shouta made a sound for the cat, “are you hungry? Come here, Miku”

“Maybe she’s missing me,” she joked, rather feeling like she could use the cat’s soft fur against her skin, Miku being quite the cuddler as well.

“As if. She only wants food, the selfish wicked creature”, he said, though his tone was one of fondness. Shouta was a softie for cats. There was silence again, but she relaxed in the homely sounds of him serving the cat, talking to it absentmindedly, as he always did. Closing her eyes, she could almost feel as if they were both at home.

“…Maybe I am” she heard him say, almost inaudibly.

“Hmm? Sorry, what did you say?”

“…Missing you. Maybe I am missing you”, he repeated softly, “maybe Miku too” he added, for lack of something better.

Ah, there it was, the knot on her throat was back. Oh god, she wanted him close so badly. Not feeling equal to answering him without crying, she kept silent, trying to recover herself, taking in a deep breath. She didn’t want him to worry, to think she couldn’t handle herself.

“[Name]”

“…Yes?”

“What’s wrong?” he said very softly, worry merely hinted. The tone he used when he knew she was hiding something. Damn, she couldn’t get anything past that man.

She opened her mouth, closed it again, “I… I’m alright. Just tired” she stumbled on the last word, voice trembling. Shit.

He made a low throat sound, indicating he wasn’t buying it, “Talk to me”.

She bit her lower lip, feeling torn. Still suffering the hangover of the nightmare, she didn’t feel equal to revisit it. Maybe I’m going weak. I should be stronger than this.

“[Name], I’m here for you. Talk to me.” Shouta insisted gently, voice soothing.

Her emotions spilled down her eyes, the warm tears almost shocking against her cold skin. Sniffing discreetly, she wiped her tears. “It… it truly is good, to just hear your voice”, not wanting to let the sobs take over, she battled them down, voice shaking “Sometime is… hard for me, that’s all”.

“I know” he said, “I know.” he repeated, shuffling something, she could hear him changing positions wherever he was siting. “If I was there… no, no use in dwelling on that.” He said, resentfully. She laughed meekly through the tears, all but seeing him shuffling his fingers through his hair, as was his habit when thinking. “It’s late for you, [Name], do you want to sleep?”

“I do.” she said, quietly. She stopped, searching for the words, the strength to admit her own weakness. He waited patiently. “I’m scared to go to sleep. It’s silly” she added, forcing a nervous laugh, wiping the tears that resurfaced with a trembling hand. Suddenly drained, she let her forehead rest on her knees, as if trying to find security within herself. “it’s silly” she repeated, weakly.

“It’s not. It’s okay.” He murmured, understanding her mood. He grunted softly to himself, thinking. “Are you in bed?”

“Yeah” such an incongruent question “you?”

“Yeah” he sighed, stretching his body “I will make you company, so… You can sleep” he murmured, as if sharing a secret “I can’t be there, but I will stay here with you, until you can fall asleep, okay?”

Slowly she laid down on the bed, “You don’t need to, I can tell you are tired”, she said, hesitant to hold the offer, remembering how demanding his workload was. However, it was almost appalling how her body responded just to the idea, her muscles relaxing for the first time in the last hour.

“It’s alright. I’ll sleep after you.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, suddenly feeling guilty “but,” she interrupted what he was about to say “Thank you” she let out a sigh, “I’m happy you called”.

“Don’t worry.” He looked at the ceiling, feeling his dry eyes sting. Closing them, he tried to imagine her close “I also like hearing your voice”.

He kept talking to her, whispering about the day, Hiazashi’s birthday party, some bit of news he saw recently. She paid little attention to the content, soothed by the rhythm of his voice, the deepness of it, slowly relaxing into it like she would in his arms. Closing her eyes, she could imagine he was beside her. Without realizing it, she began to drift.

He went on about any events he could think of for some more minutes. Finally stopping, then, listening to her soft breathing, making sure she was asleep. “I love you,” he murmured, before letting sleep take over him as well.

#aizawa shouta #aizawa shota #bnha #bnha imagines #aizawa x reader #scenarios #original content #sfw #angst #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #amethyst #amethyst scenarios

[wanna-one-imagine]

Wanna-One Hwang Minhyun Friend to Boyfriend Scenario!

Another part of the Wanna-One Boyfriend scenarios, enjoy! (You + Minhyun)

Let’s say you and Minhyun were longtime friends, bffs

Right now in college together, Minhyun is senior to you though

A completely playful and platonic relationship no question about it

Not that Minhyun would appreciate yet anoTHER girl chasing after him, anyway

You saw while girls liked him, he was nice, attractive and clean

(yes you admitted he was the epitome of beauty it’s not a crime !)

he doesn’t have to know that though

All the ladiez were jealous that you two were so close

Even though you two were literally just friends and that’s it

You don’t even hug or hold hands do skinship or anything (but you did know everything about each other)

(fears, aspirations, every embarrassing moment, secrets)

You did exchange “love you”s with each other though, but it was a family/friend thing not the othER THING 😏

He didn’t really date much, claims to have “high standards”

Went out with pretty, elegant women that didn’t overtly fawn over him

Your close friendship, however bothered most of the people he dated, leading a large amount of his relationship attempts to go up in flames

He didn’t seem to care much though, and never blamed you for that (even though you always felt bad)

“If they can’t accept my best friend then it wouldn’t work for me anyway”

You always gave him love and life advice (that may or may not be unsolicited but who’s keeping track hohohoho)

You taught him cute moves that he could use on his girlfriend, like brushing her hair behind her ear or conversation starters

He practiced on you sometimes because he is awkward and sometimes he got little flutters from the small actions but he always just thought it was because he was pretending you were the girl he was dating LOL

Very protective of one another, wanting the best for each other

You didn’t date much, for no reason really 

Anyway coLLEGE

Lots of late night studying on your part

You would hang out in each other’s dorm rooms cause why not

friendship is beautiful

Minhyun was smart and always offered to help you, either by teaching you a concept or by making you a snack or coffee 

You had done the same for him when he was stressed out or preparing for exams

wow look at this beautiful symbiotic relationship, mutualism at its finest

Anyway winter break rolled around, and you decided you would stay at the college in order to continue working, while Minhyun would go visit home

You both didn’t text/chat online much, so while he was away you didn’t contact each other that much

Anyway over the break one of your friends offered to set you up on a blind date (probably bc Minhyun wasn’t always hanging out around you) and you had no reason to say no

You called Minhyun for the first time over that break, and you guys caught up a bit before you remembered to mention that you were going on a blind date

Minhyun was silent for a bit, and then curtly responded:

“Good for you.”

ummMMMMM

You felt some cold air from him, but you brushed it off and just continued the conversation normally but he said that he had to go soon after

You didn’t think too much of it

But Minhyun?

He was startled because he had suddenly got angry, for no reason (so he thought)

He briefly wondered if it was because you said you were dating now

But he told himself he didn’t care 

He paced around the house, muttering hypotheses and theories of why he was having this reaction

Literally convinced himself that he had a medical issue

weirdo

When he returned from his break, somehow you two seemed... different?

You started going on more blind dates, mostly to just meet new people

You thought it wasn’t causing you and Minhyun to drift apart, especially since you weren’t as bonded with the other guys, and it was just going on dates for you 

You didn’t see it as anything more than that, just getting to know people, so it was no big deal

But to Minhyun every second you were with another dude it was hell

Every time you said another guy’s name or asked Minhyun for some advice, Minhyun felt his heart sink

He found himself caring about what you wore or if you looked too pretty or if you were out late

He was deadly curious about what you were doing but simultaneously didn’t want to know

Took him literally a month before he figured himself out (and it took a lot of internet searching)

Liking you had never occurred to him really

Not because you were not attractive or charming or even because you were best friends were so long

But because he had told himself for some weird reason that his ideal type was strictly someone more... quiet and classy

Not you, who was very free and open and lively with Minhyun

But that’s why you were so special to him

Because you two were comfortable together, and that’s what mattered

And Minhyun didn’t want you to be that comfortable with someone else

Suddenly everything became very clear to him

That how much he treasured you crossed the bounds of friendship, he wanted you for himself and he wanted himself to be yours

For a couple days, he kept these feelings hidden up in himself, because he was stressing over how he should act with you and what he should do about his emotions

But that didn’t last long

You were hanging out with Minhyun, watching a tv show in your dorm room one day when you suddenly remembered that you had a meeting with someone, not even a blind date lol 

(but Minhyun didn’t know that)

You got up to go to your closet, about to get ready

When you suddenly felt arms snake around you, stopping you from moving

Shocked by the sudden contact that you had never felt before, you barely managed to sputter out “Minhyun? What... what are you doing”

Without thinking at all, Minhyun responded truthfully and bluntly

“I like you. Don’t go.”

Your heart sped up abnormally fast

For some reason, this confession of Minhyun “liking” you was impacting you more than all the times he had said that he “loves” you

You were shocked, but you prioritized Minhyun more than anything; you couldn’t just leave your best friend after that confession, that was just cruel

You quickly texted the people you had to meet that you couldn’t make it to the date, and just sat down with Minhyun while he clearly told you what had been on his mind for the past month and a half

How ever since you had told him you were going to start dating, he got sad and angry

How he thought he was sick but it was just jealousy (you laughed at that one)

How he couldn’t stand seeing you with other guys, but he felt as if he couldn’t do anything because you never bothered him in his previous relationships

And this was shocking to you, it really was

He was aware that you didn’t have feelings for him (yet) but he wanted you to objectively look at him and give him a chance

All this atmosphere made you somewhat awkward, a feeling that you barely got with him

It was like that for some time, for days he treated you normally as he did before but you were always self conscious now

But over time, you took notice of all the little things that he always did for you; from making you snacks and giving you massages to always knowing what mood you were in and knowing the right thing to say, all the time

And you started to realize of every time your skin brushed his, and how you would blush in response

Or how you would be talking to him and then just stop because he literally had the face of a god, making your heart speed up

And randomly one day you jusT HAD TO walk in on him changing in his room (hits self why are you writing about this illegal!)

You saw him changing out of a shirt (thats literally it you just saw his beautiful smooth back which you had seen before) but it made your mind turn into alphabet soup and you audibly gasped and dropped whatever shit you were carrying (because thats what happens right)

Minhyun turned around and that arroGANT FUCK smirked at you and freaking got all confident

“Like what you see? It’s yours if you want it”

Your mouth dropped open and you just blinked at him, making him genuinely smile

But that didn’t last long because you ran up to him and hit his bare skin asking if he was insane

“Could you be any more shameless Minhyun??? Seriously?”

Cue embarrassed “haha”s from Minhyun

Everything was pretty much back to normal in terms of awkwardness (except for the becoming-more-frequent heart flutters and butterflies and blushes)

And one day you two were just hanging in his dorm room and fell asleep on his bed while watching something

When you woke up in the morning, you were all snuggled together, his arms around you, who were facing his chest (im dead)

You were shocked and started getting up, but you realized that you really liked the feeling, thinking I could get used to this, as you laid back down on him

I like him, don’t I. (YES Y/N YOU DO JESUS CHRIST)

You giggled to yourself as silently as possible as to not wake Minhyun but surprise he had already been awake for an hour, unable to fall back asleep

And the fact that you had decided to stay there with him in that intimate position told Minhyun everything he needed to know

He signaled he was awake, opening his eyes, meeting yours

He raised his eyebrows at you, and thanks to the telepathy of best friends you know what he meant. Is this a yes from you?

And you nodded in response. Yeah, it is.

And that was that

Your relationship stayed pretty much the same, except some added cuteness and skinship ;)

You were obviously still best friends, but now you were best friends that liked kissing sometimes yaknow the usual

You both understood one another so well, and were already comfortable with another, already knew everything about the other person

Both of you thought you were very lucky to have been in this situation, to meet and be with the other person

hehehehehehehehe adorable

A/N: Holy shit I feel like this ended up being super long, hope that’s fine with y’all lmao.

also jesus christ he’s so beautiful this is ILLEGAL !

#wanna one #nuest #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagine #nu'est #wanna one imagines #hwang minhyun #wanna one au #nuest au #nu'est au #nuest imagines #nu'est imagine #minhyun #hwang minhyun imagines #hwang minhyun scenarios #minhyun scenarios #minhyun au #hwang minhyun au #nu'est scenarios #nuest scenarios #nu'est imagines #kim jonghyun #kang dongho #aron #choi minki #produce 101 #produce 101 season 2 #produce 101 au #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 imagines

[shiroe-is-my-baby]

A Bargain

Summary: Saeyoung is a little impatient and bored

W: self-insert, fluff

((This is one of the few times I’ve written him, so I hope I do him justice bc I love him. But here’s a change of pace with a fic with Saeyoung ^.^))

A yawn escaped my lips, muffled by my jacket sleeve. The words on my laptop screen started to mesh together, hardly making any sense. I had forgotten how long I sat here, staring at the brightness and absorbing its contents. I had a deadline soon, which meant lots of late nights for me. Which wasn’t a problem since my sleep schedule was already messed up.

Sitting back against the couch, I mulled over the last few sentences a few times. I felt like I’ve read them a million times by now, unable to finish my thoughts. I groaned, looking back to see if there was something I could edit instead. Usually rereading helps me collect my thoughts and retrace my steps a bit.

I became lost in my work, typing vigorously and changing things here and there. I ignored the burning of my eyelids, trying to focus for as long as possible. Right before my brain stopped working. Days like this make me wonder how my own boyfriend goes through this constantly. I only work myself like this during deadlines. Any other time I pace myself, making sure I don’t become this stressed and warn out.

“Ashiiieee!~”

I jumped, the sound of the voice breaking me from my inner thoughts. Saeyoung entered the room, his eyes falling on me as a gentle chuckle sounded. He knew that I would be working these next couple of days. I figured I’d never see him, so I was surprised when he came into the living room. My eyes met his own, before flicking back to the computer screen.

“Yes, Sae?”

“What’re you doin’?”

He raised his eyebrows in question, rounding the back of the couch. He looked exhausted, and I could only assume he had just finished his work by the bags underneath his eyes. Nursing a can of his favorite soda in one hand, he scanned the computer in front of me.

“I’m working, remember?”

I didn’t mean for that to come out as irritated as it did. I was just tired myself and very stressed out. Saeyoung knew how I got during my deadlines, and he’s the same way when I try to talk to him when he’s busy. But now that the tables have turned, he was bound and determined to get my attention.

He slipped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me back against the couch, squeezing me until I could barely breathe. Wheezing softly, I felt his arms relax only a bit and his chuckle sounded in my ear. “Doesn’t feel too good now, does it?” He asked in a teasing voice, the grin noticeable in his tone.

“You say that as if I’m bothering you all the time.”

“But, of course, my princess. You can barely keep your hands off me.”

He winked, nuzzling his nose against my cheek with another loud laugh. With a sigh, I gave up for a second to humor him, turning my face towards his own. My cheeks turned red at the realization of how close he was. “Can you really blame me?” I asked in a flirtatious tone.

“Hmm… I guess I can’t blame you. I mean, look at me?”

“You’re such a dork. Starting to sound like Zen.”

“I’m appalled that you would label me that way. I can only hope to be as narccisitic as him.”

I laughed at his mocking tone, seeing the grin on his face which only made me laugh harder. Saeyoung poked my cheek, leaning in to rub his own against it. A part of me almost thought he had started to purr.

“Okay, Sae, I love you,” I said as I slowly pushing him off, “But I have to get back to work.”

“I just want a few minutes of your time, Miss Ashley. What will I do when you become famous from this masterpiece?”

“It is by far a masterpiece. But thank you. I gotta focus, my deadline is in a week!”

“But what about me? What will I do while I wait for you? I finished early and hoped I could see you.”

There was a slight pout to his voice that I found adorable. Saeyoung acted like a total child sometimes. But I still loved him anyway. Even through all the pranks that sometimes go a little too far, and the countless nights I go to bed alone, and the days I go by without seeing him at all. I still wouldn’t be anywhere else.

Letting out a soft sigh, I readjusted my laptop in my lap and smiled gingerly at the redhead. I poked his nose playfully. “What about if I made you a deal? Hmm?” I asked, my finger lifting his chin a bit. He swallowed, hesitating a bit at my own teasing smile.

“I’ll do as much as I can for another hour. After that, I will be all yours.”

“That’s a tempting offer,” He said, counteracting my words with his own, “But I’ll need a little bit more. Something to satisfy me for now.”

“Like what? Will a few kisses suffice for now?”

I almost broke at the banter that we were throwing back and forth. Who knew that the two of us could speak about our affections like it was some kind of business deal? But it was still seductive and enticing. This was a scary game to play with Saeyoung, because he was better at it than I was. He knew how to play innocent and trick me at every turn.

I laughed as he rubbed his chin in thought, rolling my eyes a bit. “Is that a yes?” I asked, a little impatient. His eyes found my own, and he quickly dipped his head down to press his lips against mine. That was my answer, and it was definitely a good one.

He pecked my lips a couple of times, smiling in between them. “You’re so mean, Ashley,” He groaned, “You know how irresistible your lips are. They’re my weakness.” I winked playfully, leaning in to give him one last lingering kiss. It was mostly to tease him, but I knew that he wouldn’t sabotage my time to work.

Not right now anyway.

Saeyoung whined a bit, slowly sliding off the back of the couch. I readjusted back to my former position, resting my feet on the coffee table. Most people would be upset that I was doing such a thing, but Saeyoung does it as much as I do. Saeran, though, doesn’t care if he’s wearing shoes or not.

In that case, it becomes an issue.

Tilting my head, I listened to the footsteps of Saeyoung as he found something else to do in the meantime. I smiled, trying to focus on my work with my phone at my side. Knowing full well that he would be back once an hour past, I lost myself in my work, doing as much as I could for the time being.

Which didn’t seem like a lot.

Before I knew it, I heard loud footsteps and then a bolt of red in the corner of my eye. I yelped, feeling a force shove me down into the cushions and a body hovering over me. “It’s been an hour!” Saeyoung chimed, making me chuckle loudly. I knew he’d be here immediately. A part of me figured he’d hack my phone or computer and make it seem like an hour had passed. But he was a good boy.

“Okay, okay. I made a promise.”

“Yup!”

He leaned closer, his breath in my ear and causing shivers to cascade down my spine. Swallowing hard, I listened to his words as he slowly whispered.

“And don’t think I’m not gonna get you back for teasing me.”

#fanfic #fanfiction #fic #fluff #my writing #self insert #self insert writing #self ship #otp: hacked my heart

[jess-oh]

Reflection

so

it is monday and i missed my reflection for yesterday since i stayed up late last night but i got some things i want to discuss. this has been something that ive been noticing but today....was interesting. bc i was so casual about it

i say that ive been trying to stop cussing and yet, i still do it so freely in order to fit in with the culture here. the people from my work in the snapchat group i realize are super spoiled. it’s hard to even get a job and we should all be grateful to have one at all. and i understand it’s an on campus job but the fact that we even have the opportunity to work on homework at all is amazing and we should be grateful for that. we arent entitled to that right. it’s an opportunity(?). thats not the right word but im sure future jessica will know what im trying to get at. but yeah. ive been called to be more loving and affectionate and live out Christ who lives in me but I can’t do that if I’m living with the world. I have to be brave enough to go against it. I think that staff has become too chill with us and while I admit that I added into the chaos last semester after Natalie left, I do think things have gotten a lot better this year. And there are probably a bunch of people that really need a job and wouldn’t take them for granted like we are now. But we’ve developed a kind of culture where its power to the workers and not the staffers when they are just as miserable as we are. we need to be more understanding and forgiving and actually do our job instead of slacking off all the time. we really have become a place where we go to to have fun instead of to work and i feel like that’s gotta change. and i will admit that i am afraid of being rejected for standing up and raising awareness and trying to shift our habits. but i dont want to complain anymore. it makes me sound so spoiled. it makes me give into my more spoiled tendencies, moreso. it sucks and while i do feel empowered, i dont need to put other people down in order to make myself feel better. I know who I am and the good work that Christ is using me for. And I want to continue to do that. 

Tess mentioned how everyone loves me so no one can yell at me and honestly, I think that made my head blow up and have this need to please everyone bc I already am. But I didn’t care about being on gr9 terms with everyone before so why should that change anything now? If anything, it puts the power in my hands to actually make a cultural shift at my work.

I was going to listen to music earlier but I don’t have working earbuds at the moment and I just wasnt in the mood so I didnt and I did some thinking instead. And I realized that I’m losing sight of who I am because I’m starting to compromise my beliefs. Like in graphic design today, I talked about drinking and partying so casually and thats a huge 180 from how on fire I was to get involved with the church just yesterday. And I was very aware of it but I also did nothing to stop it. It was like my mind and my mouth were two different entities and were going at their own pace instead of working together. And I do want to be more vigilant and I do want to be more aware and outspoken. But at the same time, I do think this is a really hard battle to fight on my own. I do need accountability and I would reach out to Angela or Jason but I was really turned off by the things that she said at the tea party and Jason is just developing his faith and I want act more like a leader for him. But then I look at people like Johnathan who is by far the most in tune with God out of any of us and yet, he is so humble and doesn’t see himself in that light. He is truly a man of God and just cares about serving Him and His Kingdom. And I think that’s really admirable. I don’t know him super well yet but I am really looking forward to working with him this coming year along with next year. 

I like feeling happy and high off of life and just so fueled by the Spirit that I want to do better. I do miss the mission field and I do miss serving. But I’ve definitely slipped since then. I was always a little upset bc no one from Lakeview actually made an effort in trying to get me to come out. If I just said, “I’m not coming” they would leave it at that and I understand that theyre doing it out of respect for privacy but I feel like people need that push to come out sometimes. Angela can get super defensive and I don’t know if that’s a result of self esteem or something deeper but it really discourages me from getting involved or saying anything at all. And I know that I should tell her and be bold for Christ but it is pretty intimidating. And I really do believe my self esteem has gotten a lot better since high school but I still stumble and falter at times—especially when it comes to spending time at Sa-Rang which is why I almost don’t want to return. I do want to get to a place where I just don’t care about what they have to say or how they might judge me and I don’t think I’m there yet. I’m making progress but I’m not there yet. And I’m starting to be okay with not going home for the summer. Partly because there is a part of me that’s afraid of returning to place where no one cares about who I am but mostly because I’m not so afraid of missing anything anymore. If need be, I will fly in during the school year to be with my family. And I’m losing my attachments to Andrew and Sofia. The three of us have been talking daily and it’s been great getting to know them on a deeper level but they’re definitely not my closest friends anymore. Maybe that’s it. I’ve kind of lost my closest friends. Of course, I still feel comfortable coming to them with issues but it’s not the same. For a time it was Sharlene but then she got busy and I don’t blame her for that at all because it happens. It’s just that my current situation kind of sucks. And I think the right thing to do is to seek refuge in my friends who also follow Christ and be encouraged to really live out a life that is worthy of Him. I think He is an integral part of my life and I don’t think I am doing enough. I am starting to mention my personal belief system with Andrew and Sofia and I think they are actually curious about Christianity and I hope that God is moving within them and I hope that I can trust Him enough to just use me and bring them to Christ and share how great His love is for us. I was thinking about “Why” by Nicole Nordeman earlier and I think so often, we just pass over the weight of how much Christ sacrificed for our sins and our sake. Knowing full well that we would leave Him and spit in His face and pretend to not know Him. Jesus was literally betrayed by his closest peers and had to suffer such extreme physical and mental torment while still standing for God. And I think that’s a life we’re all called to live. Yesterday we learned about the Great Commission and honestly, I wasn’t paying a whole lot of attention because I already try and live out the Great Commission and have already come to an understanding how we are always on the mission field. I do want to back out there and I would love to go on a long term mission trip if God calls me to go but if I can’t even stand up for Him in the comfort of my own home then how will I even hope to live boldly for Him during extreme circumstances and in a land so foreign for so long? The reason change doesn’t happen is because no one calls attention to the problem but it’s something that definitely needs to be done. I’ve overcome my depression and I am still afraid of being judged but I am getting better. Something that I’m actually really curious about is whether or not committing suicide is a sin and if so, then why? And I think a part of me did want to ask this question on Friday but I was worried that they would think I’m feeling suicidal and see me in a totally different light but hey, I’ve been there and I want to help those around me that are there in the future. And honestly, I don’t know if this is just me assuming but if I was suicidal, I don’t think any of them would know how to help. I think they would just give me my space and leave it at that and hope that I would get better. I don’t know if they would really care. And that’s pretty disheartening but I was definitely called to serve here and that’s what I intend on doing. I will go out of my way to invest into the people around me and do what I can in the situation that God has placed me in. I will. 

#reflection

[kierawaffles]

it's late enough at night that i can say opinions, right?

okay, so

i honestly don't keep it that secret that the 6th gen pokemon games are my least favorite, hell i outright said i don't think about them that much a little bit ago

i do want to emphasize that i do mean least favorite and not the gen i hate or even dislike, since i like all the main series pokemon games and always enjoy playing them

i just have more issues with the 6th gen games (yes i mean xy AND oras) then any other gen

xy is the easiest one to list these issues off of, since most of it has to do with terrible pacing both in terms of story and gameplay.

-the first like three gyms are decently spaced apart and it seemed like this game was going to have a nice slow pace where it might take a while to get to each gym but it was consistent and you had bits of story in between so it never felt like it was taking *too* long to make progress and then suddenly everything starts speeding up, you get less main story in between which results in the need to shove a bunch in at the end which means the build up to the finale was short so the payoff is very little. i mean it doesn't help that lysandre is a pretty easy fight anyways given that pretty much no one in this gen uses more than four pokemon

-speaking of difficulty, first time playing through i used the exp all for about half the game then switched it off when i was one shotting my opponents' pokemon, but it didn't really matter bc i stayed over-levelled for the rest of the game which just compounded the disappointingly easy lysandre and diantha fights

-i will say though that not using the exp all from the beginning does lead to the game having more of an average difficulty for a pokemon game (so, not that hard, but not too easy anymore) though lysandre and diantha still aren't that tough which sucks.

-i'm pretty sure game freak realized after this game that they either need to stick to only a couple main characters or really need to step up the amount of story to be able to handle more characters bc your "friends" in this game have really weak characterization. i know they're supposed to represent the different types of pokemon players but they should have cut tierno and trevor and developed calem/serena and shauna more, since those two are the closest characters to actually have, well, a character. and make calem/serena a bit more competent, again even without the exp all and without using mega evolution i don't consider the fights against them to be difficult.

-really i feel like sun&moon just improved on everything i had issues with in xy. the characters in sm are great, the story is decently paced (comparatively), it's actually kinda difficult but not too much so, overall the first gen 7 games were really satisfying to go into after this.

"but wait, kiera!" you might be saying, "you mentioned oras was on your least favorites too! but why???"

well, there's actually only a few points for why

-main reason: it's WAAAAAYYYY too easy. it has been a while since i played rse but i remember rse having mostly balanced difficulty, but i go in to oras with the exp all turned off from the beginning, mega evos not used bc they're cheap, and it was the easiest pokemon game i have ever played. which again, since i remember rse being fairly balanced, was extremely disappointing

-that honestly is the main reason why i'd say i don't like oras as much as rse, but nostalgia+the updated story does help oras still stay liked. they definitely fixed issues rse's story and villain motivations had and i will give points for that

-however i don't really like the whole mega evolution universe vs no mega evolution universe thing, it was really sloppily introduced and not something i'd ever thought i'd like being officially in a pokemon game - and then we jump to now, where i am very excited for the new au of sm, but i think that's bc it's being clarified that this is an alt universe from the beginning and it's not something hastily thrown in at the end. i still don't like how it's done in oras.

anyways that's pretty much it, my opinion on my least favorite pokemon gen.

my second least favorite gen is gen 5, which i may get into at another time but it's too late tonight and i already spewed out a bunch of my opinions so that's all for now

again, i do like all the main series pokemon games and generally enjoy playing through them, i just find the gen 6 games to be... less enjoyable bc of the above stated issues

EDIT: also i just want to add that this is just my opinion. if gen 6 is your fave gen that's great and just bc it's my least favorite doesn't mean you can't love it. i still like these games, anyways, it's not like i hate them or anything.

#kiera speaks #kiera gives opinions on pokemon #also 2nd least fave is gen 5 bc of b2w2 just so you know #which does kind of color how i view the original bw but that's neither here nor there #i leave gen 1 out of my rankings partially bc i think it's unfair to compare the base to the other games that improved off of it #and also partially bc i haven't played the gen 1 games that much #i still love gen 2 and it set my standard for pokemon post-games that has only been met by its remake #and bc of platinum gen 4 is an easy 2nd fave for me #honestly if usum turns out as good as it seems it will bump gen 3 down to 4th fave and become the new 3rd fave #honestly sm already makes gen 7 3rd fave but if usum is somehow awful that will change things #also going back to leaving out gen 1 bc it's the base game all the others improve upon #it's the reason why i feel like i can't rank phantom blood in terms of jojo parts #it's the starter part that everything improves upon #still important but of course it's not gonna measure up to even the very next entry in the series #if i have any gen wunner followers theh probably wouldn't agree with that haha #long post