#more neurodiverse self acceptance

[emopirates]

I’ve been looking for other media that will resonate like ofmd does for me

I was thinking about what other media has hit me in such personal specific ways as ofmd. So maybe I can crack the code and find even more???

Predictably I’m not having a lot of luck but I DID come up with 1 example: Severance on apple tv.

If you haven’t watched both shows, it may seem like an odd pairing, because OFMD is (mostly) a comedy (wth dramatic bits) and Severance is (mostly) a drama/thriller (with comedic bits). But what can I say my brain sparked to them both in a similar way! And I think there are reasons.

~ the mildest spoilers for seasons 1 of severance and ofmd ~

Both shows have:

10/10 ensemble comedy gold. Original, weird, character-based, funny joke-ass jokes and flawless comedic performances and amazing riffing. (OK so OFMD is a comedy and has much more of this? But even though Severance is NOT a comedy, its comic relief pops up in every ep and is extremely well done.)

a similar … editorial lushness? That thing of, every frame has something juicy to notice, fun little details, little nuances in facial expressions, inside jokes, meaningful uses of color or light or whatever. Also maybe: that thing where every scene is tightly edited to be ~just the good parts~ so by the end of the ep you’re like, that was v satisfying but also I need to apply another coat of it to my consciousness immediately because I’m sure I missed something.

awakenings. ok this is going to be a nebulous half-baked description but. There is this similar theme of characters unmasking / awakening / discovering and trusting themselves / going for things that society doesn’t expect for them. This thing of realizing the truth is within. IMO this is such a healing and important trope and I want to see so much more of it. You could argue this is more blatant in the pirate show? but I think it’s an important part of severance too.

By the way! Those first two bullets just make these things “good,” and plenty of things are good. I think it’s the third one that really makes the difference.

A few more thoughts:

If you are a pirates fan but haven’t seen Severance:

You would like these goofballs riffing in their cubicles for sure.

If you love Black Pete, you will love Dylan.

A character writes a self-help book you will like a lot.

There’s a tooth-achingly sweet gentle delicate romance tucked away within this fairly dark show and it is SO GOOD.

Severance is a lot darker than ofmd but idk, there’s enough sunshine streaming in. it’s joyful too.

If you are a severance fan but haven’t seen Our Flag Means Death:

Underdogs. Underdogs who are pirates. Because lawful society does not welcome them. And they find their chosen family and. Sorry I need to cry I’ll brb.

If you love Ricken (and even if you don’t) (but who doesn’t?????), you will also love Stede.

If you love The You You Are, you will love talking it through as a crew.

If you love the plant room, you will love this one little well cared for plant?

If you love queer romance watch this show.

In summary my brain liked these things a similar amount thank you for coming to my seminar. 

#more examples pls i need more things #more weirdos loving weirdos #more neurodiverse self acceptance #more first romance #more queer romance #more triumphantly linking arms with your besties and wreaking havoc #seeking out books tv anything #i mean i guess i need to watch good omens 2 that seems obvious? #severance #ofmd #our flag means death #questing for media #look i fell harder for the pirates #but i also fell HARD for MDR & O&D ok

[cleanestkitty]

im been diagnosed since i was 6 but i still feel like im faking autism at times so like… dw its a universal thing

#i see a lot of autitic people #(esp newly or self diagnosed) #feeling like their faking for one reason or another #i wanted to add my 2p #autism stuff #actually autistic #i love u autistics #anti fakeclaiming #autism acceptance #tags tags tags #adds more tags because i want my 2p to be seen by every autistic ever?!?!?? #im sure smth like this has been posted b4 though #neurodiversity

[shepfax]

as things start gearing up for Autism Acceptance Month I am going to make an effort to share stuff from nonverbal, high support needs, and other words for "severely" autistic people (especially from marginalized groups like autistic people of color) and I think others should too. I chose to do this because I am very deeply opposed to the way low support people have gone about destigmatizing autism.

me, I am the epitome of the white "geeky" autistic that I read about in books from specialists and historians: I had no speech delay, I'm capable of many self-maintenance tasks like hygiene and food, but I still am not independent and I struggle greatly with social situations, show repetitive behavior, and have sensory integration problems.

by making it seem like autism is just a label for quirky people that get really into tv shows, prefer small silverware, and fidget sometimes, you've come all the way back around to encouraging ignorance. you've started to push people with more disabling autistic traits into the background of your activism or even tried to pretend your activism doesn't apply to them.

obviously it's important to acknowledge and share the ways that autistic people who can speak and maintain independence still struggle immensely in a neurotypical world, because that is something the vast majority of people still don't understand. but we need to do better at emphasizing the ways people's autism affects their lives, and advocating for the rights of people with different needs than our own.

this might seem harsh to say but it really seems like some of you are ashamed to be associated with people from different parts of the autism spectrum than you. why claim the label then?

when you see someone talk about an experience you didn't have, always make an effort to learn something from it.

come together with people from all points on the autism spectrum. make friends with them and listen to their voice, whether it's spoken or not.

it is called neurodiversity for a reason. our brains are extremely diverse, and that's why it's important to make sure you are not your only source.

if you look at one person on the spectrum, even if that person is you, that is one autistic person, and you can't make claims about autism based on that person alone.

#autism #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autistic #autism acceptance #autism awareness #neurodiversity #disability #this is very long because I like to break up paragraphs to make them easier for me to read lol sorry for stretching your dashboard

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

The beginner autistic guide to common terms in our community (with extra context!).

*Disclaimer, I’m not a professional. This is just knowledge from my experience as an autistic person. Please feel free to correct anything :)

These definitions will include some of my own opinions and thoughts, especially on the more controversial terms. This is simply to help better prepare new autistic community members for conversations they become engaged in. Having all the perspective and context you can have can be very helpful when moving into new social spaces.

Autism (Or Autistic Spectrum Disorder, ASD): A neurodevelopmental disorder that is present from very early childhood. It’s mostly recognised through difficulties with social interaction and restricted and/or repetitive behaviours. The way it is referred to as “Autism Spectrum Disorder” is specifically referring to the fact that autism presents in countless ways. There are common traits and patterns, but the severity and complexity of those traits and symptoms is infinite.

NOTE: This does not mean that ‘everyone is a little bit autistic’. You are either autistic or you are not. It just means that if you have autism, it may present very differently to other autistic people you know.

Asperger’s Syndrome: Asperger’s syndrome is usually considered an older term for a ‘subtype’ of autism. The term is considered outdated by the DSM-5 and no longer used in that document. However it is still used in a lot of other countries. Now it is becoming more socially known that ‘Asperger’s syndrome’ is just a specific presentation of autism. Many autistics don’t like the use of the word ‘Asperger’s’ because of a couple reasons:

The term has a long history with NAZI’s and eugenics.

The term seems to basically mean ‘high functioning’ autistic, which simplifies the condition.

Asperger’s Syndrome is defined in a very similar way to autism, however people with “Asperger’s’ may be described as ‘gifted’ or ‘intellectual’.

It’s important to note that many people still identify themselves with the term ‘Asperger’s’. While it is good to be educated and up to date with terminology, some people have identified with this term their whole life and it’s not wrong to use the term for one-self. But either way, I do encourage you to do more research if you are comfortable.

Neurotype: Can be basically defined as the type of brain function one has. Some people consider autism a neurotype, and then neurotypical as another neurotype. However, many people claim that autism is ‘just another neurotype’. This is a harmful way of thinking about autism because autism is a disability. Labelling it as a ‘neurotype’ belittles all the struggles autistic people have that make them disabled. Autism is a spectrum and so some autistic people may not really consider themselves disabled, but many do.

Neurotypical (NT): A non-autistic person with no other mental conditions.

Allistic: A non-autistic person who can still have other mental conditions, such as depression or ADHD.

Neurodivergent (ND): Traditionally ‘Neurodivergent’ has been used to mean either autistic or ADHD. However in some contexts it is used to mean someone with any mental condition, including personality disorders or mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety.

Neurodiversity: a term used to describe the fact that there are many neurotypes in the world. It is used to imply that differences in brain development and function should be accepted as relatively normal. I think this is a good sentiment, but that some neurotypes should still be considered disabilities as well as a neurotype, so as not to diminish the struggles specific neurotypes go through.

High functioning/Low functioning: The labels of functioning are terms used to describe how independent an autistic (or other kind of disabled) person is able to be. Many autistics do NOT like the use of these terms for a couple reasons:

It tends to focus on the way an autistics disability affects the allistic people around them.

It simplifies the experience of the individual with autism to how independent they are, and is also not very descriptive for anyone trying to help the said autistic person.

High needs/Low needs: These are labels used to describe how much assistance an autistic (or other kind of disabled) person may need. It is slightly preferred by autistic people as the language is more centred to what the autistic person needs, rather than how independent they can be.

NOTE, many autistic people would argue that these terms are basically the same as high functioning and low functioning. I personally consider it to be best to just state someones highest needs or difficulties. For example “Olivia is nonverbal and highly sensitive to light and noise.”.

Masking: Masking is the act of hiding ones autistic traits to appear to be neurotypical. Masking is often a survival strategy developed by autistics to evade bullying or isolation. Masking can include suppressing the urge to stim, forcing oneself to make eye contact, learning how to ‘properly’ execute facial expressions, studying body language, etc. Masking can be an extremely vital skill for autistic people, but when an autistic person has to mask for long periods of time it can lead to negative consequences such as burn out or meltdowns. Masking can also be used in the context of other disabilities, such as ADHD.

Scripting: Scripting is a form of masking, when an autistic person pre-plans or practices responses or entire conversations. You may have a script you unconsciously follow for questions like “how are you?” Or “how is work?”, etc. It may be inspired from TV shows, movies or observing other people interact.

Burn out: Burn out is when an autistic person reaches their limit and has decreased energy for an extended period of time. Burn out may last anywhere between a couple days or a few years. Burn out is often caused by excessive masking, but can also be caused by repeated rejection, bullying or other mental conditions. Burn out is not the same as depression, but it can co-exist with depression.

Meltdown: A meltdown is when an autistic person experiences what might look like a ‘tantrum’. The person may be very angry, yelling, punching or hitting things (or themselves). They may be aggressively stimming or humming to themselves. A meltdown, internally, feels as if you are completely filled with negative energy, as if you might burst. It can feel like extreme irritation, or anger, or shame. Meltdowns can be caused by any number of stressful situations. For an autistic person this can be having a lot of social events, their routine being disrupted, having to eat foods they don’t like, being overstimulated, or even just negative social interactions.

Shutdown: A shutdown is very similar to a meltdown, in how it can be caused. For me personally, I tend to have a shutdown if I am not in a safe place to have a meltdown. From the outside it looks very similar to dissociation, and it can co-exist with dissociation. It typically feels like you are shutting down, turning off. You emotions were about to burst and then you just went numb. You may be unable to move, or go non-verbal. You may be crying quietly or you may simply just very suddenly feel the need to go home.

NOTE: Meltdowns and shutdowns can appear to feel like a panic attack, but they are different. Panic attacks come from intense feelings of dread or doom. Meltdowns and shutdowns come from repeated, or intense, stressful situations for an autistic.

Hypersensitive: Hypersensitivity is when the brain processes sensory input (such as touch, taste and smell) as much more intense than a neurotypical person would. This can mean that a slight cold breeze may feel painfully cold. Or looking outside a window can hurt ones eyes because it feels too bright. Or having to wear specific textures to stay calm.

Hyposensitive: Hyposensitivity is the opposite of hypersensitivity. It is when your brain inteprets sensory input as much less intense than a neurotypical would. Ways this can present in an autistic person include not realising when they hurt themselves, having a high pain tolerance, being unaware of temperature changes, etc. You may also not recognise your bodies hunger cues, dehydration or need for sleep.

NOTE: An autistic person can experience both hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity. It can also fluctuate day-to-day.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD): SPD is basically the term for experiencing lots of variation in your sensory input. It is similar to Auditory processing disorder. Which is where your hearing is technically fine (you aren’t any form of deaf), but you have trouble distinguishing what specific sounds are, or listening to one, important sound, in an area with lots of different noises (for example, being unable to understand what someone is saying next to you, because the TV is on.)

Overstimulation: This is when an autistic person has been experiencing too many different sensations at once, or for an extended period of time. This may be caused by too many noises happening at once. Or even just one annoying sound repeating for a long time. It can also be triggered by touch, taste, sight and smell.

Executive function/dysfunction: Executive function is the term used to describe how the brain initiates tasks. For neurodivergent folk, our executive function is often dysfunctional. This means we can often find it difficult to start new tasks. A way you may experience it is when you are sitting down, you may be screaming internally that you need to go and get some food, but your body seems unwilling to co-operate. Having executive dysfunction does not mean you are lazy, or do not want to do the task, it means you may be unable  to do the task.

Autistic intertia: Autistic inertia is related to executive dysfunction, because it is a term that helps describe how autistic people struggle to switch or initiate tasks. “ An autistic at rest remains at rest, and an autistic in motion remains in motion”.

Special interest/Hyperfixation: A special interest is a extremely long term interest/obsession with a particular topic. An example might be being really into pokemon. Learning all the different types of pokemon, playing all the games and collecting heaps of merch. A hyperfixation is a more short-lived interest that can be destructive in it’s severity (for example, it might get so extreme that it’s the only thing you can think about, to the point where you neglect your needs). Special interests are less likely to be destructive. But hyperfixations can be healthy and normal too.

Stimming: Stimming or self stimulation is the act of doing repetitive movements to help self regulate. Stimming can look like spinning, chewing, flapping hands, dancing, foot tapping, pen clicking, touch soft fabrics, using weighted blankets, lighting candles, eating crunchy snacks, etc. All of these forms of movement or repetitive sensory input can help us regulate our emotions better, prevent a meltdown or shutdown, or focus on a task easier.

NOTE: Echolalia is another term you may hear. It is a form of stimming in which an autistic person repeats sounds/phrases over and over.

ADHD: Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is a neurodevelopmental disorder like autism, but it affects the brain in different ways. It often presents as having difficulties with paying attention, regulating emotions and hyperactivity (or, alternatively, it can present as being inattentive).

Savant or Savant syndrome: A condition when someone with some type of significant mental disability is an expert/’savant’ in a particular field, to the point of surpassing neurotypical experts. An example might be having photographic memory, or being able to learn languages extremely easily, or being an extraordinary mathematician. Autistic people often don’t like to hear the term ‘savant’ as we are often only valued by ‘society’ if we are savants. And if we are not, then we are often treated as lesser. This is kind of a form of eugenics.

Eugenics: Eugenics is a philosophy or belief that we can selectively breed humans to ‘improve’ humanity. Or create the ‘perfect race’. This was an idealogy practiced by Adolf Hitler during WWII, which lead to the holocaust. Eugenics is often a subtly underlying philosophy behind many statements that, on face value, seem relatively harmless. For example - “autism is the next step in evolution” is currently a popular statement. However, this implies that every other neurotype is not an improvement, which therefore implies that being autistic is superior. This would be considered a form of eugenics. Eugenics is considered a horrible philosophy because it encourages people to look down on others and dehumanise anyone not like themselves.

Co-morbidity: A co-morbidity is the term used for a condition that is regularly seen in conjunction with another condition. For example, autism and ADHD are often seen together. However, it can also be used to simply describe someone who has more than one condition (physical or mental).

AuDHDer: Someone with autism and ADHD. Just a shortened way to refer to people with both disabilities.

Selective mutism/Situational mutism: When an autistic person (or other neurotype) experiences periods of being unable to speak or communicate. This can often occur in stressful situations, like before tests or during doctors appointments. It is officially referred to as ‘selective mutism’ but many are trying to change it to ‘situational mutism’ as the individual does not willingly choose when they go non-verbal.

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is typically described as the inability to define and/or describe ones emotions. So you may often feel a type of discomfort, but not be able to label what it is. Not being able to distinguish between anger and irritability. Or not knowing if you feel sad or confused. It can make seeking professional help for many conditions really difficult, as you are unable to put your experience into words. It can also be similar to hyposensitivity in the way that it makes it difficult to understand what you body is feeling.

Dyspraxia: Dyspraxia is a disorder that affects co-ordination, movement and balance. It can make things such as sports, driving, cooking and writing difficult. It is fairly common in autistic people.

Prosopagnosia: The inability to recognise/remember faces. It is more common in autistic people.

Synesthesia: Synesthesia is when one form of sensory input is sometimes also experienced as another. For example, someone with this condition may see colours when they hear someones name. They may hear a song and get a taste in their mouth. This is also more common in autistic people.

FINAL NOTE: Autism is a spectrum and you may not experience all of these different terms, or you may not experience them in the way I described them. That does not mean you aren’t autistic. This is not a diagnostic tool. This is simply a guide to learning the terms you may often hear when discussing autism.

#autism guide #autism #ASD #autism spectrum disorder #terminology #autistic terms #definition #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #allistic #aspergers #alexithymia #prosopagnosia #dyspraxia #actually autistic #synesthesia #auDHD #ADHD #autistic inertia #situational mutism #selective mutism

[emeraldspiral]

A venn diagram of the queer/neurodiverse content depicted in Invader Zim. I've already talked about the inherent queerness of Zim and mentioned a few times that there’s a big overlap with autism/neurodiversity but I thought this would make a handy reference. Note that “neurodiversity” isn’t just autism/ADD/ADHD but also includes mental illness, personality disorders, mood disorders, learning disabilities, and anything else that isn’t “neurotypical”.

On the queer side there is actual canon queer rep in the show and comics:

Irkens are canonically aroace and intersex.

Groyna from the comics was confirmed by Eric Trueheart to be a lesbian.

Commander Poki from the comics may be trans, as she has eyelashes normally only seen on female Irkens, but lacks the curled antenna every other female Irken is shown to possess.

Recap Kid's gender is deliberately ambiguous.

There are also many instances of queer-coding that can be seen throughout the show such as:

The homoerotic rivalry between Zim and Dib.

Red and Purple basically being Zim's two gay dads.

Zim and several other characters having campy and dramatic mannerisms.

Zim using Keef and Tak as beards.

Zim and GIR wearing make-up/cross-dressing and generally not concerning themselves with or even being aware of gender conformity.

That time Dib's personality was copied into the body of a female ship which became very distressed at being told it wasn't really a boy and changed its physical appearance to match its brain.

Other queer elements featured in the show include:

Female characters who aren't love interests/show no interest in romance.

Most characters showing a general lack of visible interest in the opposite sex or romance.

The Membranes being a non-traditional family (single dad with no mom, later acquiring two more dads in the form of Foodio and Clembrane). Irken society not being structured around family units at all.

Satirical depictions of nuclear family units (Zim’s roboparents).

Transhumanism.

Kink/Fetish content including tentacles, bondage, domination, tongues, sadism, mind-control, body morphing, gore, food/eating, bodily fluids/fluids in general, Giger-esque designs, etc…

On the Neurodiverse side we have:

Zim’s food sensitivity.

Zim’s germophobia.

Zim’s dislike of being touched or hugged.

Zim seeming to suffer from sensory issues in general.

Zim getting overstimulated on the bus in Walk of Doom.

Zim and Dib infodumping.

Zim’s idiosyncratic speech mannerisms.

Characters having high intellect paired with poor social skills/low emotional intelligence.

Hyperfixations and special interests.

Zim’s struggles with multi-tasking and keeping his priorities straight.

GIR being easily distracted and unable to focus on anything that doesn’t immediately interest him.

Characters having poor volume control.

Characters having mood swings or trouble regulating their emotions.

Zim’s issues with memory.

Dib hyperfocusing to the point of neglecting hygiene.

Zim’s “problem with listening”.

And in the middle where they overlap there’s:

Zim and Dib being outcasts, misunderstood by everyone around them, and only able to connect with other misfits like Gaz, GIR, Keef, each other, and random hobos.

Zim masking his otherness and putting on performative displays of “normalcy” and having a well-founded fear of the consequences of being discovered.

Dib being open about his otherness and looking for respect and acceptance in the face of overwhelming ridicule and contempt.

Dib being pressured by his father to conform in order to please him.

Dib finding that the social benefits of conformity aren’t enough to outweigh the pain of not being his authentic self in Mopiness of Doom.

Dib’s experiences and perspectives being trivialized, dismissed and medicalized as indicators of mental illness.

Dib actually being mentally ill, but only as a result of not being accepted or supported for being different.

The eugenicist dystopia of the Irken Empire, where Zim is labeled “defective” and sentenced to death rather than treated for the mental health issues caused by the society that created him.

Daddy issues/familial rejection/non-acceptance.

Zim and Dib’s struggles with depression.

Zim and Dib’s need to prove themselves to gain validation and acceptance.

Zim and Dib being victims of bullying and in turn bullying others to feel a sense of power.

Dib’s self-loathing.

Zim’s default state being paranoia and anxiety.

Zim and Dib’s self-image issues.

And of course the one thing that binds us all: alternative fashion.

#invader zim #zadr #zadf #zim #dib #dib membrane #gaz #gaz membrane #tak #invader tak #professor membrane #keef #almighty tallest

[planefood]

Autism and Isolation, discussing my experience and my characters

I think i've said here before that my robot characters represent my experience growing up disabled where I live. My characters being robots specifically were made to represent feelings of being made to feel less human in some way due to it. While all my characters in that story are on the spectrum and represent different parts of my experience, I used Mikey as the cover of this post because he represents a certain part of myself that makes me incredibly attached to him (there's a reason I say I like writing him so much, despite him not being the main protagonist). He's the part of me that understands I need help with things but is too afraid to ask leaving me in horrible positions, he's the part of me who screams in public when I feel trapped, he's the part of me that could probably never live by myself, he's the part of me who's scared and vulnerable. Among other things. But also he's the part of me who, like many of my peers, feels isolated in everyday spaces and autistic spaces alike due to peoples perceptions of what autism "should" be, these same people welcome fidget toys and stimming with open arms turn around and think its okay to call me the r slur or infantalise me or make fun of until I cry. But I only cry because I thought i'd be welcomed in those spaces with my autistic peers and I cry because I told my younger self it would get better and people would be nicer to us once we were an adult with like minded people. These same people who, despite being open and proud about supporting neurodiversity still think its okay to use the word autistic as an insult against me. I feel like while people appear so much more accepting of disabled people with these small gestures than I was when I was growing up, I still feel like an outsider in these spaces but this time it feels like I've hit a wall. Like a, "who will support me if the people who are meant to don't?" it leads to a lot of insecurity and self loathing, it makes me feel like I'm not autistic in the "right way" and there's just something wrong with me as a person. I wrote these into Mikey, which makes him seem like he has a 'thin skin' to people like Tandy. Mikey, in my story, is often left behind or teased by other characters in my story even the ones who are also on the spectrum. They also struggle with their own battles with facing ableism and self hatred due to it but don't realise the first step to tackling that is unpacking how they treat others around them. You'll never be able to love your true authentic autistic self if you throw ableist rhetoric at people around you. That includes saying shit like "I'm autistic and I don't act like that guy does whats their excuse" or "I'm not making fun of them because they're autistic they just act weird" I'm low support needs autistic, I've seen how people treat high support needs autistic people and its even more sickening, other low support needs autistic people like to pretend they don't exist or throw them under the bus to make themselves more appealing to ableists: "See autistic people don't actually act like that, support me because I can mask" or even trying to say autism isn't a disability. My characters and writing while being a representation of myself being disabled is also a scathing criticism of the cruelty I see in the world at large, the cruelty I see in other people in ND and disabled communities and the cruelty I see within myself. I get scared about my future with how people treat me, but when I have characters I can write these struggles into it makes it a little easier. I know there's people who love me for who I am and there's people out there who love you guys for who you are too.

#art #robots #ocs #objectum #autism #ableism #oc: Mikey #sorry if this is a little scrambled its late at night

[thefiresofpompeii]

now that i’ve deferred because a uni degree is nothing but an entrance ticket into moderate financial security and not worth utterly obliterating my mental health over i am compiling my own curriculum. all the posts i’ve ever tagged with #ref because they contain essays articles and other texts that i want to read but have never gotten around to, all that goes on the list. around fifty academic articles and book chapters downloaded onto my laptop from jstor while i still have access to it, tailored to fit my personal interests.

rearranging my self-education. little mx autodidact. carving out a passage through the brambles with a freshly sharpened machete. make no mistake, the thorns are piercing and will continue to tear at my exposed limbs, but the pain is worth the fruits of knowledge at the end, real knowledge and not something superimposed from above. i know, i know, undergrads aren’t afforded that freedom of narrowing our study, it’s something earned with time and effort and only fully permitted at a “higher” level of education, but who determines these levels?

it sounds silly and rash, but it’s a long-deliberated decision. the university environment is not right for my weird brain despite my literary inclinations, and i prefer to select my own path towards learning while working a low paying job on the side. perhaps i’ll return in a year’s time after all, matured and mellowed, hardened or roughened with real-life experience and online self-teaching, to pursue liberal arts as the most, well, liberated pathway. maybe not.

maybe if i had gone to one of those colleges where they allow you to pick and choose your own modules for your degree entirely (like one of the people that i most admire on this website did in its time) things would have gone down differently, but alas. let the world keep turning and let everything that serves no purpose any longer decompose and compost into something new .

“what has this got to do with autism?” you may ask, “i’m autistic and i completed a normal bachelors’ degree just fine.” your answer: having been in a place of moderate autistic burnout for years that abruptly turned severe in the past few months, my bodymind has shifted into what is known rather disparagingly under the medical model as “autistic regression” or “regressive autism”: a gradual distancing further and further away from accepted neurotypical standards of moving through and navigating the world around me.

one of the ways in which this unmasking presents itself, apart from the more noticeable characteristics such as outwardly visible stimming and a complete absence of eye contact, is a total inability to focus on, be motivated by and/or engage in any (textual, literary, cinematic etc etc) materials that do not connect at least tangentially or superficially with my special interests (that being ghosts/hauntings, hauntology, folk horror, lovecraftiana/cosmic horror, horror in general, the gothic, neurodiversity, alternative music; narratives/storytelling, folklore/fairytales; queer theory; carceral abolition and liberation; and a few other subjects here unlisted). according to normative capitalist logic of usefulness and productivity, that makes me “severely disabled” by virtue of “restricted interests”. i would say it makes me a interesting person with tall twisted tales to tell, but nevermind that silly nonsense, it’s a mad person speaking.

at this present moment i have no motivation, wish nor desire to continue wasting time and energy attempting to study and remember things that do not connect with the key concepts that my mind is constantly orbiting around. if that makes me incurious or annoying or limited, so be it — this neurological difference affects every aspect of my personality and i do not wish to change it. if the world around us refuses to change, we must either alter it ourselves or construct our own pathways out of the shadows and into the moonlit garden.

#thank you cavar sarah for directly/indirectly inspiring me to make this (highly personal yet hopefully informative to some?) post!! #@librarycards on here #aer writing on transMadness and adjacent topics gives me life and constant material for thought and consideration #jamie.txt #uniposting #autism #actually autistic #neurodiversity #neuroqueer #autpunk #disability #autistic #autism acceptance #college dropout #autistic burnout

[sadiewayne]

are you more or less likely to like the percy jackson show if you have adhd?

TL;DR at the bottom

this whole idea came about because i was seeing people complain about the pacing of the show and i was so confused because i thought the pacing was perfect and then i thought maybe it's because i have adhd and so of course i would think the pacing was great and so i ran a poll to look at the results and here are those results

important things to note

a) i have adhd (diagnosed)

b) i study a stem degree

ok here we go

short answer

statistically no, but i disagree (i'll get to it)

longer answer

i did a poll comparing if you have adhd and if you like the show, these were the results (and here so you can see how i wanted people to answer)

(yes i voted, my opinion also counts)(and yes, there are flaws in the design but i only had 12 options and this was mainly about adhd)

and idk about you but looking at those numbers i can see a few things

number 1: most people like the show, 87.8% in fact

and if you take out the people that didn't care, it's 92.9% of people who did care aka a lot

quick stats rundown

for everyone with adhd (thats the first 6 options) 3% didn't like the show

for those with other neurodiversities and not adhd, it was 12%

yeah, thats 4 times higher (it works out at a whole 2 people but again, limits of the poll)

ANYWAY, i ran some statistical tests (don't stress, i don't understand them either, i will not be focussing on them)

first, chi squared (compares expected values for each option with the actual values i got)

yeah that number is small, like very small, like 2.8 quintillionths

but i ran it in R and got a very different number

and oh lookie here that's a p-value about 0.05 and so we must accept the null hypothesis (basically that yeah, that's expected)

which makes NO SENSE but whatever, the computer tells me it's that

enough of chi-squared, i also ran a z-test (i googled what to do and apparently this was the right test, idk what it does ngl)

i didn't run this one in R bc i have no idea how to do that

but the p-value is again, about 0.05 and so accept that there is no significant difference

BUT I DISAGREE

ok i don't disagree with the stats but i disagree that there isn't a difference

it doesn't take a genius to see the difference

3% of people with adhd didn't like the show but 12% of other nd's did like-

come on that has to mean something

so i ran a chi squared test on just the adhd data and...

1.9 octillionths

wha-

so did it in R and got a warning saying it probably wasn't accurate (it's probably the 0) so i ran fishers exact test (idk man thats what i was told to run by the internet) and got this...

so errrrrr yeah

apparently the same goes for the adhd data to which i can kind of get but also dont when

0.6% of people didn't like the show and were diagnosed as an adult but 1.2% didn't like the show and were self-diagnosed, with almost the same number of votes (it works out as a 1 person difference)

and no one who was diagnosed as a child disliked it like WHAT?!?!?!

also no neurotypicals disliked it, love y'all for that /gen

idk, i think the sample size is too small to run accurate tests, that or im doing it wrong which is a very high probability

so whilst statistically, the answer is no, i'm seeing a pattern emerge

but i am a scientist so i cannot say yes or no which SUCKS bc i see a pattern and i want to know MORE but tumblr doesn't have a great mechanism for polls so i can't ask all the questions i want to

TL;DR

the stats say there's no significant difference and so i must concur even if i don't want to

the show was amazing and i'm very excited for season 2 for reasons i don't want to spoil for people who haven't read the book (but go read the books they are just as good)

#i had too much fun with this #percy jackson #percy series #percy pjo #percyjackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo series #pjo fandom #pjo #pjo tv show #percy jackson show #adhd #neurodivergent #poll #polls #fandom polls #tumblr poll #tumblr polls #stats #poll stats #statistics #fandom #fandom things

[beannary]

Hi! Thank you for blessing us all with tlp :) it’s such a cool au and I like it a lot!! I have many thoughts about it so I’ll start writing them now:

With Donnie being raised by Big Mama, the change in dynamics with literally everyone is interesting to think about, so of course my brain has latched onto the concept of how Donnie’s dynamic with his own brain (his neurodiversity/autism) effects his relationships with himself and his family. 

(beannary note: putting everything under the cut so this doesn’t get too long)

Comparing Donnie’s relationship with his own neurodiversity in tlp to canon makes me so emotional you have no idea…..in canon he’s never had a need to mask, living in the sewers with a family who accepts him for who he is, so he has difficulties doing so when needed; we’ve seen him in situations where he is unable to mask/act “socially appropriate” (the mystic library episode comes to mind - he can’t control the volume of his voice when he gets excited. Also every single time he is put in a situation where he has to lie but he is comically bad at it. Also the many many instances in which he is shown being unable to ‘read the room’). But in tlp he seems to be masking a lot, either when he’s interacting with Big Mama’s guests or with Big Mama herself (your Masking is Hard comic comes to mind instantly - how Donnie has a hyperspecific role to play as Big Mama’s Son and the pressure to not only be sociable, but be sociable in a way that meets his mother’s expectations. Its a lot to handle, acting a way that doesn’t come naturally to you and no matter how many times you go through the motions you feel as if it doesn’t get any easier and you dont know why). Tlp Donnie can mask far more convincingly than canon Donnie, but only because he’s had to mask frequently throughout his life. It seems to me like he’s been taught at a young age that he needs to stop acting so “weird” (for example, stimming in obvious ways), because that kind of behavior loses its cuteness fast with Big Mama & most of the company she associates with. I imagine lots of his behaviors are discouraged as he grows up because they’re “not cute anymore” and he’s “not a little kid anymore” and he “needs to learn some manners/self-control” even though everything “weird” Donnie does feels like so natural to him, even as he gets older. Although I do think Donnie has instinctively coped with this by making his stims more subtle (this is where I get to be self-indulgent and imagine his stims - humming, tapping his feet, fiddling with any object he can get his hands on, blasting EDM in his headphones etc), and he only pulls out the big guns (aka big stims) when he’s in his own room with the door closed (or when he’s locked himself in a bathroom stall and physically cannot hold himself back anymore). 

Unfortunately for Donnie I also figure that this amount of masking makes him more susceptible to meltdowns. In canon Donnie has so much freedom and control over his own life that the only time I can remember him being even mildly close to Meltdown Territory is during the Todd Scouts episode when his tech was taken away. And even then, he immediately knows how to cope with the change by Creating with whatever tools he is able to find, his brothers just accepting his absence as he goes MIA to build the things he needs to make himself feel better (like the wooden battle shell). But in tlp au does he even know how to cope in healthy ways? Does he get to go MIA for long periods of time so he can pull himself together and prevent a meltdown from happening? Oouuggghh I just want him to be happy :( poor guy feels as if he has no control over his life to the point he develops an eating disorder, he absolutely has no idea what a healthy coping skill is. I’m torn in between concepts for how he processes his neurological differences - either he goes the “autism? don’t be ridiculous, everyone feels this way” route or the “I am astronomically Different from anyone else I know. surely this is just due to my superior intellect and not a developmental disability of any sorts”. Either way this dude is not connecting any dots nor processing any emotions in a healthy way. (Now that I think about it, while Donnie lives with Big Mama, his unique and different skillset are probably what he clings onto to feel needed and useful to his mother, so the latter makes sense for him during that time. But the former makes sense when the concept of Different scares him, when it’s not just intellect and fixations and tunnel vision but sensory issues and social awkwardness and repetitve movements, things that very clearly separate him from his family and make him less of the Perfect Son he is expected to be.) 

Another thing I’d like to ramble about is Donnie, his autism, and his relationship with his brothers and his dad….you mentioned in an ask that he doesn’t know he’s autistic but that may change when he starts living with the Hamatos. This made me think about how Donnie’s brothers react to his autistic traits in canon versus in tlp (assuming that no one knows that Donnie is autistic; they just know that his brain works Differently than the rest of theirs). In canon, Donnie has lived with his brothers for his entire life. His brothers know his habits, his preferences, his sensitivities, his moods, etc. He may be Different than the rest of them, but not so much that they think about it for more than 5 minutes. Donnie is their brother - any “weird” behavior is not too different from how how he usually acts. Donnie may be weird but they all are in their own ways and it’s not a big deal to them. His brothers are used to accommodating his needs and dealing with his moods. However, in tlp, Raph, Mikey, and Leo don’t know him very well yet. They’ve never lived with him before and when they do accept Donnie into their home as an Official Brother (a development I’m very excited for), they also can’t help but immediately recognize the stuff that makes him Different from the rest of them (if they’re the ones that recognize that it could be autism, than it’s Differences in a way that’s Familiar, if that makes sense). Differences that aren’t just unhealthy habits and mindsets from his previous shitty living situation. Obviously they can be accommodating but it would understandably take longer to adjust simply because they’re not used to Donnie’s specific quirks. They don’t know right away what makes him uncomfortable, or what textures he prefers, or why he moves and talks and acts the way he does. It’s a learning experience for everyone. 

As for Donnie and Splinter….they make me so emotional!!!! Your art of the two of them is so so good and captures that emotion. When Donnie lives with the Hamatos, everything changes. Anyone would have difficulties adjusting to this huge change, but I imagine for Donnie it’s a lot harder. How do you cope with leaving your mother, your only family member you’ve known your entire life? And now suddenly he has to stop being His Mother’s Son and become His Father’s Son, another role he has to create and adjust to (he doesn’t realize yet that his father doesn’t need Donnie to try to be someone he’s not - he loves Donnie unconditionally, just the way he is ;-;) because having a role to play is familiar to him, the only familiar thing he can cling onto during these huge changes in his life. Unfortunately though it just makes everything more exhausting, not only coping with the move into a literal sewer but trying to act like a perfect son for Splinter. Donnie doesn’t know yet that he doesn’t have to mask in front of a parent or meet impossible expectations to “earn” parental love and approval. Meanwhile Splinter sees how Donnie acts with his brothers (much more casual because Donnie doesn’t feel as if he has to “impress” his brothers the way he has to with a parental figure) versus how Donnie acts with him and thinks he’s doing something wrong, that he’s the one giving off an impression to his new son that he has to suppress his stims or say the “right” things or do stuff that makes him uncomfortable because he thinks it’ll make his parent happy…..but I have faith that this pressure eases with time, that they get more comfortable around each other the longer they live together. Eventually Donnie won’t be hesitant or embarrassed to take off the mask in front of his father. Maybe one day he’ll get rid of the mask around his family entirely!! Either way I’m excited to see tlp Donnie’s journey :) thanks for sharing your au with us!

HI THIS IS BEANNARY SPEAKING NOW wow this was so much and im sooooo glad that you are enjoying this au! And for real its so flattering that you like?? wrote all this about my silly au this has actually been the only thing that I could think about since you asked if you could send this in and yeah it’s just really nice to see that people like my comic and this little separated au that i dreamed up

One of the big differences between canon donnie and tlp donnie is tlp donnie’s ability to mask really well. When he was a kid, a lot of his stims were cute and adorable so Big Mama didn’t like encourage them? but let him you know stim freely since she thought it was cute, but as he got older and he kept on stimming in obvious ways she started really hounding him to stop. I do really like the idea of donnie starting to stim in more subtle ways, and im definitely going to try to incorporate that in some of the comics! He still needs to stim, because you know of the autism, and so he does tap his feet and play with whatever little object he can get in his hands when he’s in public. His room is his one safe space where he can really be himself, since its the one spot where he’s not being watched by anyone (his safe space isn’t his lab because what he does in his lab is highly controlled by Big Mama so while he does like being in there and getting to do his science, he’s still pretty on edge since he never knows if his mom is watching him or not). Donnie really loves spending time in his room, though he doesn’t really get a whole lot of time there by himself since Big Mama has filled his schedule with as many extra curriculars as possible so she can show him off all the time). But speaking of his room it sure would be bad if something happened to it! Sure would be bad if it was destroyed in some way thereby destroying his one safe space! Haha! ;)

And no! Donnie does not know how to cope in healthy ways! He is very good at figuring out when he is about to have a meltdown and at figuring out a way to subtly get out of a situation so he can go recuperate somewhere in private, but even then, he can never spend a whole lot of time to himself because if he ever disappeared for an abnormally long amount of time, it would draw attention to himself and more specifically to these meltdowns that he’s having and he really wants those to stay off of Big Mama’s radar since if she knows about them then that’s one more thing for her to criticize and then it’ll be even harder for him to deal with them with his mom now being aware of them. And yeah he does know about autism but he’s still like no it simply could not be me but in that way where he’s like 99% sure he’s autistic but is just refusing to acknowledge it so he can keep on pretending to be ‘normal’. if that makes sense alksdjfh

Living with the Hamatos is going to be very hectic and scary for Donnie just because of how different their home is from his current home. In tlp, Raph also is autistic im pretty sure idk I might change that as the comic progresses but at this point that is what im going with but just havent had a whole lot of time to develop, but that’s part of the reason why the hamatos are so accepting of Donnie, its because they’re already used to living with a sibling who is autistic so all of this is second nature to them, it’s just normal and that really throws donnie for a loop because he’s so used to walking on all these eggshells making sure to act as allistic as possible 24/7 only to be suddenly dumped into an environment where its completely normal and accepted for him to just be himself. And sure it’ll be a learning curve for the hamatos because like obviously not all autistic people are the same but it’ll also be a learning curve for donnie since he’ll finally be able to relax and figure out who he is without having to hide himself all the time. 

Donnie and splinter’s relationship is what im really the most excited to write about. I really want Donnie’s experience leaving Big Mama to mirror Splinter’s experience. And I really don’t want to spoil too much but Donnie is really not gonna like Splinter much at first, and it’s gonna take a while for Donnie to warm up to his dad, but also Splinter is going to be the most understanding of what Donnie is going through because well, Splinter also left an abusive relationship with Big Mama. I dont really want to say much more about their relationship because I dont want to spoil the good angst I have planned but I’m really excited to explore their relationship more!!!!

Also just for the record I have not like proofread any of this so there may be typos or maybe i said something dumb so just lmk and ill fix it aklsdjhf Im not autistic (or am I! I havent been to therapy in a while and I would not be surprised to find out that I am autistic or that I have adhd or something else) so lmk if i said something stupid or phrased something in a dumb way and I cannot emphasize how fast I will fix it 

Ok bye now!!! this was fun!!! and thank you for sending this in!!! Idk it just really warms my heart that someone out there is thinking about this silly au this much, makes it feel like all the work ive put into making this comic is worth it :)

#bean babbles #i guess this isnt an answered ask #answered asks #still gonna tag it as such though #tlp au #the little prince separated au #i might have more to say about this later but i think this is everything i have to say rn #i should really just ramble about tlp donnie more often because this was fun.

[gryficowa]

Thomas confirmed "Marinette's" diagnosis in the ADHD fandom just to keep the fadom from trashing his imaginary daughter

The proof are the words from the intro suggesting that "Marinette is a normal girl with a normal life", neurodivergent people are the opposite of "Normal", it is not without reason that many people with ASD and ADHD end up with low self-esteem (And they mask it, which unfortunately harms their condition mental)

Neurodivergent people see themselves as "Abnormal", especially if "Marinette" was supposed to be a scapegoat, such people withdraw from people and avoid them, so even Marinette shouldn't have friends (Luz Noceda only gained them in another world, and many of them 100% of them are neurodivergent people)

Such small things prove that Marinette was supposed to be able-bodied, and "ADHD behavior" was something that Thomas considered "Funny imperfections of the main character" and this context is worse, because if you mention that Chloe has symptoms of ASD, Thomas will probably not accept it and he will quarrel with you

Yes, Marinette points out that she was supposed to be able-bodied, but the fact that "ADHD" helped avoid many charges was Thomas using it

Chloe is closer to neurodiversity than Marinette, because with her it wasn't used as an excuse (And unfortunately, Thomas trashes her so much that many people from the fandom bought it) + She has almost no friends and does a lot of things that many are quite sus (Which is more fitting for a neurodivergent person than Marinette)

Seriously, as someone on the autism spectrum, I can spot things like this and it's disgusting that Thomas uses people with ADHD as characters who stalk and do a lot of things that sound like a crime story

Seriously, neurodivergent people? Have you stopped respecting each other and are happy with the worst representation because the creator said that this is what happens when the series suggests something different? You should have expectations, because the representation of disability is seriously terrible and without a fight it can get even worse, because you are rewarding the creator for not sanctioning you

Do you seriously want to be represented by a stalker and a person who builds a relationship on a fucking lie?

Honestly, Chloe wasn't a bad person, it was Thomas who was such a pain in the ass that he tried so hard to antagonize her (And it's sad that people bought it), this isn't Chloe from the first season or the second one, she's a caricature, which is something the creators do with little writing skills

Was Chloe good? Neither, she's best described as an anti-hero, but she's 100% not what Thomas did with her

So yes, Marinette's writing is fucked up, just like the fact that you want the guy who bans black people on Twitter (Because they pointed out the racism in his cartoon) to confirm something he has no fucking clue about

Seriously, neurodivergent people, do you have such low expectations for any representation?

#miracolous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous marinette #mlb marinette #marinette dupen chang #marinette cheng #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fandom #ml critical #ml fandom salt #ml ladybug #ml salt #ml writing salt #ml writers salt #thomas astruc #anti thomas astruc #adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #why?

[frozen10fanzine]

Frozen Through the Years

Yearly Spotlight: 2013 (Part 3 & Last)

Written by @toriofthetrees

In the wake of its massive success, Frozen had cultural impact that created fascinating (and sometimes intense) discussion. A fandom was quickly forming around Frozen, sprouting off of the long-established Disney fandom.

For many, Elsa and her story mattered. The film reverberated significantly with the LGBT community, in communities of mental health and neurodiversity, and generally with anyone who understood how it felt to live a life hiding who you are. Elsa's hugely popular number Let it Go would go on later to receive an Oscar, no doubt because it’s message of self-acceptance resonated with so many.

Let it Go is also remembered to be legendary at consuming the zeitgeist. It can be globally agreed that through all of Frozen's successes, the people who truly deserved an award were the parents who patiently sat through Elsa’s number over and over for love of their little Frozen fans.

Stay Tuned for More

👆🏻 Click above if you want to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of Frozen. The due date is April 12, 2024.

We look forward to seeing your memories ❄️

#frozen10 #frozen #frozen 2 #frohana #water has memory #sven #anna #olaf #elsa #olaf's frozen adventure #ofa #frozen fever #fandom #fandom projects #moodboard

[filthforfriends]

The Puzzle Piece Problem

We have to talk about it again. I started this conversation a year ago, when Damiano posted an image of his mom at the Run for Autism. Progetto Filippide is a highly respected organization that does meaningful work for autism and other disabilities. However this iconography is insulting as fuck and seeing Damiano rep it personally in 2023 makes me sick.

Previously, I also expressed concern about the language choices on Progetto Filippide's website. This post is going to focus on the puzzle piece iconography in general, but I do stand by those concerns.

"Ritardo mentale" (mental retardation) which I've since learned is also offensive in Italian when used in this context. "Riabilitativo" (rehabilitation) of autism is not possible. Referring to autism as "diagnosi certificata" (certified) or "conclamata sindrome autistica"(full blown autistic syndrome) excludes people who can't afford or can't access a diagnosis. Also autistics and allistics aren't "affrontando le stesse fatiche, condividendo le stesse emozioni" (facing the same hardships, sharing the same emotions) because one of us is neurodivergent. Sameness isn't the goal.

Here is a closer look at the graphic. As you can see, the text and the logo are made out of puzzle pieces. The majority of the autistic community find puzzle pieces as a symbol for autism offensive and many even find it hateful. We have proudly used our own emblem since 2005, a rainbow infinity symbol for neurodiversity.

"For many years adults have openly, publicly discussed their desires for autism awareness to shift to an approach aimed at creating acceptance for us in society. Continuing to ignore our wishes, to use symbols which may remind us of our discrimination in society or that people sometimes do kill us because of our autism, IS disrespectful."

Paula Jessop, All Together Autism (New Zealand)

The original puzzle piece logo was created by Gerald Gasson for the National Autism Society (U.K.) in 1963. The crying child represents the tragedy of autism and the shape represents how "puzzling" Gasson found our condition. To avoid the association, the NAS have since changed their name, scrapped the logo (in 1999), and the whole site is rainbow (like our emblem). That's how embarrassing it is to have used puzzle pieces for autism.

The depiction of autism as a tragedy and sickness resulted in decades of efforts to cure and prevent it. Horrific abuse was suffered at the hands of caregivers, therapists, and physicians who treated autism like a cancer. The puzzle piece itself represents the deficit lens through which autistic people are viewed. We have a piece of the puzzle. We are a fraction of of a person. So the implication is that not being autistic makes you whole. Not being autistic makes you normal. Therefore, autism is inherently inferior. When an autistic person's behavior is measured as good (allistic) or bad (autistic), it's just a measure of how well they can conceal themselves and traits allistics might find "puzzling."

While the NAS invented it, Autism Speaks (U.S.) made the puzzle piece a global symbol through giant, heinous campaigns that seek to silence and eradicate autistic people. Autism Speaks was founded to help families of autistics manage their child, rather than help the child manage their neurodivergence. The most infamous campaigns are Autism Every Day, (> 13 mins long so I've edited together a few clips) and I Am Autism.

Even worse than these campaigns is Autism Speaks' much beloved Applied Behavioral Analysis. It began with Dr. O. Ivaar Lovaas using electroshock on intellectually disabled patients to stop self harm. The issue with compliance training, is that non-verbal folks communicate through their behavior. Understanding should be the first thing you reach for, and ABA the last since the use of that therapy makes an autistic person 86% more likely to develop PTSD.

I could keep going, but we've established that Autism Speaks is a monster. Yet, the only puzzle pieces we see in their merchandise is their logo. The puzzle piece is their entire brand, their legacy, and Autism Speaks is limiting exposure. Two of the shittest autism organizations in the history of man (the creators of the puzzle piece!!) have very intentionally moved away from that iconography and towards our chosen emblem.

So what the fuck is this?? No, the fact that its a complete puzzle doesn't negate the insult. I am not a puzzle at all! The fact that they think that comparison is fitting says something about how Progetto Filippide view its clientele. Sorry, not sorry.

Autistic people look like puzzles because we're punished for being neurodivergent. We're forced to take ourselves apart, do some curating, and put ourselves back together in a way that appears allistic, but that is not who we are. My autism is not a puzzle. Your society is a puzzle.

This is what neurodivergence is: the potential for an infinite number of unique ways to process the world around us. If you want to support autism in particular, use the gold infinity sign, but either is great! Do you see the giant chasm between how the world views us vs. how we view ourselves?

"Neurodiversity describes the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in many different ways; there is no one "right" way of thinking, learning, and behaving, and differences are not viewed as deficits."

Dr. Nicole Braumer & Julia Frueh

When you say "well its a great organization" do you think this is what happens? "I'm sure he didn't mean it like that." "If he'd known, he wouldn't have worn it." No. they're still wearing puzzle piece shirts.

Autistics spend their childhoods and adolescence surrounded by people who’d like them to shut up. We’re called annoying, weird, unlikable. We are told nobody wants to be our friend, or likes us, or wants to hear what we have to say. Not only is it really hard for autistics to speak up for themselves because of this, but we’re also waiting in fear of an allistic person who says things the right way, coming along and usurping the conversation. So just listen please.

I won't be debating or defending anything. Feel free to be supportive or ask a question. Nicely.

#actually neurodivergent #actually autistic #actually autism #actuallyautistic #autism awareness #autism #TW: Autism Speaks/ablism

[copperbadge]

Sam, you’ve talked a bit about the anger that comes with going undiagnosed for so long, and with having parents that dismissed your struggles. I’m about your age and I recently told my mom that I am relatively sure I have ADHD and that I was looking into getting a diagnosis, and I was at least 60% expecting her to disagree. And instead she said. “Oh yeah, I always thought that.”

Like. ????? WHAT. WHY DID SHE NOT EVER SAY ANYTHING???? Also, she was a teacher for years, and she knows how much I struggled in school so I am just. I’m honestly not sure if this is better or worse than her trying to say I couldn’t possibly have it. Like, at least she acknowledges that I struggled I guess? :/ Anyways, how’s it going with you?

I mean, I'm a big fan of repression.

That's only partially a joke. I'm not a big fan of repression but I do believe in trying to correct negative/damaging thoughts when they can't lead anywhere productive. I'm not a "think positive" person per se, but...

Yes, I am angry I didn't get a diagnosis earlier, particularly since it's not like my family was ignorant about the issue. But meditating on that just makes me more upset, and discussing this with my mother is not going to be cathartic for me or productive for either one of us. Even if I just wanted to take out my anger on her, which is a childish but understandable impulse, it's not like she did it maliciously. She was doing the best she could alone with three kids to raise and she desperately needed at least one of them to be "normal", for reasons that have much more to do with her upbringing and mental health than anything to do with me or my siblings. 

And that's all a fucked up situation, but there's nothing to be done about the past. So when I feel annoyance or anger, I stop and think, okay, but there's no point in lingering. Get it out if you have to, but then let's move on to how you can repair that damage. Then I talk about it on here so other people will feel okay about it, and I try to practice compassion, to remember that my parents tried to give their kids a good life with the tools they had and with their own disabilities to deal with.

It sounds like you're in a different place than I am, so I don't know how helpful this is. Not that you really asked for help, it's sweet that you just asked me how I'm doing, but I like to be helpful anyway :) I think the anger you're feeling is normal; the "oh yeah I assumed you had a disability and DID NOTHING" situation is actually quite common, you're not the first person I've spoken to who's had that experience. But part of managing the anger is making a conscious decision about what to do when you feel it.

Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, wrote a book called Start Where You Are that I read about five years ago and which I've found useful in managing emotions about things I can't change. I think it gets overhyped as a self-help book, but that's not really how it functions; it's more about explicating a specific line of Buddhist reasoning and using Buddhist practice to accept the difficulty of the world without buying into helplessness over it. Part of that is learning to sit in the pain of unhappiness -- to acknowledge an emotion, experience it, and move into either using it for a productive purpose or letting it go. It's a practice that doesn't come easily, but it does seem to help, at least for me.

Funnily enough, I started writing the Shivadh novels before I had a diagnosis but I knew from the first novel that Jerry was neurodiverse. Writing him with ADHD, even as a supporting character, has been very helpful for me because like me he can't really talk to his parents about it, with a father who has passed and a mother who is in denial. But he's still a fundamentally likable person who gets to demonstrably mature over the course of the books, to achieve things he couldn’t before and be praised for it. It's very satisfying to write about someone who got a late diagnosis and that made his life measurably better. Because it has, for both of us! I would rather have this diagnosis at forty than never have had it at all.

So yeah I'm sad, and angry, and struggling, but crucially I'm not taking it out on myself or others, and I know that this is a temporary situation. These are feelings that will fade in time because they arise from grief for could-have-been, and it's worth the sadness and the anger to have the diagnosis and to finally have help. I can't help the failures and bad relationships and mistakes I made because I had a disability I didn't know about, but I didn't know about it -- and now that I do I can improve my life going forward. What I'm feeling now is passing; what caused those feelings is permanent, and from now on I'll understand myself better (and, at least in theory, have access to bomb-ass medication to help raise my quality of life).

#sam has adhd

[marshvlovestv]

I've been watching another playthrough of the whole Psychonauts series - not only are they an absolute blast, but I think they're a beautiful example of how people really CAN grow and change and how subconscious bigotry CAN be unlearned. As great as the first Psychonauts is, it stumbles in its depiction of neurodivergence in all its forms. It stumbles hard. From how it casually talks down about "insanity," to playing some of the campers' deep issues for laughs, to the heavily stereotyped and shallow depictions of the asylum patients (the ticking time bomb of a paranoid schizophrenic, the dramatic and self-absorbed manic-depressive, the callous straitjacket and padded cell imagery). At the end of the day the game does feel as though it has compassion for all of these characters, but that compassion is undermined by the need to be funny above all else, and a lack of any real understanding of the issues at play.

By the time Rhombus of Ruin and Psychonauts 2 come out, though, the amount of learning and reflecting that the developers have gone through is beautifully apparent. The language of the game is more careful, there are honest content warnings, the binary between sanity and insanity that the first game operated by is less rigid, and almost every mind Raz enters, no matter how damaged, is treated with respect and compassion. Nowhere is this more obvious than with how the latter two games handle Dr. Loboto, whose "insanity" was in the first game used as a shorthand for "evil." But the devs seem to have learned: someone as mentally ill as him is much more likely to be the victim than the villain. Loboto is recontextualized in Rhombus of Ruin as the victim of medical abuse (an actual lobotomy) that left him heavily damaged mentally. And Psychonauts 2's opening sequence goes even further to show that this left him vulnerable and easily manipulable - he's not a serial henchman because he loves it, it's because people with bad intentions see him as an easy target.

The sequel still isn't perfect, of course. For all it's triumphs it still makes me, as a person with a personality disorder, very uncomfortable that Gristol Malik, the only character depicted without compassion and as wholly irredeemable, is unsubtly supposed to be pop psych's version of a narcissist. Not that this surprises me - even the most supposedly open-minded and accepting of neurodiversity still refuse to show sympathy for people with PDs. But we've already seen that growth and learning are possible. This last tricky thorn in neurodivergent acceptance can be tackled just as anything else can.

I'm thinking about the asylum patients from 1 a lot (hey, as bad as I know it is I still latch onto messy neurodivergent representation like a tick). I hope they're doing well in the kinder world Psychonauts 2 created.

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #ableism tw #neurodivergence #mental health #mental illness

[autism-unfiltered]

How does an autistic person even begin to navigate having a crush on someone? Especially if they had been alone and have no friends and treated like an abomination against god and just idk don’t wanna complicate things and all that? Why is being a neurodivergent woman so hard?

Certainly, navigating romantic feelings can be particularly nuanced for someone with autism due to the specific ways that autism can affect social interaction and communication. Here’s a more autism-specific approach to handling a crush:

Understanding Your Autism: Recognize how your sensory preferences, need for routine, and social communication style might influence your romantic interactions. For instance, if you have sensory sensitivities, consider how this might affect physical closeness or dates.

Social Scripts and Scenarios: It may be helpful to use social scripts or rehearse scenarios in your mind about how to approach someone you have feelings for. This can reduce anxiety about unpredictable social interactions.

Direct Communication: People with autism often favor direct communication. When you're ready, being straightforward about your feelings can be a good strategy. This approach can sometimes be refreshing in a dating context where indirect cues are common.

Boundaries and Self-Advocacy: Understanding and communicating your boundaries is important. Practice ways to express your needs and limits, as this will be crucial in any romantic relationship.

Seeking Autism-Friendly Advice: Look for advice from autistic adults who've navigated dating and relationships. Their insights might resonate more with you than general dating advice.

Acceptance: Find someone who accepts and understands your neurodiversity. Autism is a part of you, and a partner who values you will value all parts of you.

Coping Strategies: Have strategies ready for potential stressors. This might include having a way to take a break during social situations or methods to calm yourself if you feel overwhelmed.

Building a Support Network: If you don’t have friends currently, consider joining autism-specific groups or forums where you can connect with others who share similar experiences and may offer support.

Remember that while being a neurodivergent woman comes with its challenges, it also comes with unique strengths and insights. Embracing your neurodiversity in the context of your personal relationships can lead to deeper connections built on mutual understanding and respect.

#neurodivergent #autistic #acutally autistic #autism spectrum condition #neurodiversity #feminism #self love #autism #actuallyautistic #autismunfiltered

[chipped-chimera]

So, I'm a Lesbian I guess.

So uh, life update. I came out to my Mum, so I figured I'd do so here too.

I've done a bunch of self reflection, healing. I reached out to my ex and we had a good conversation and I think that just made everything even clearer for me.

So yeah, this is me saying I'm not bisexual. I'm lesbian. And I probably always was.

More context below the cut if you want it (it's long). But anyway, here's to finally feeling like I'm finding the real 'me' in all this rubble.

❤️🧡🤍💖💜

I thought I was bisexual for ages. The fact I even got to think that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my ex, who identified that way and I felt in a safe enough environment to express it. In the past two months I went through some self reflection, and talked to my ex for the first time in 2 years. It was good, and it's too complicated to explain easily but at least on my end I was getting a double dosage of the comphet juice between just regular expectations and the undiagnosed autism (also jesus christ, being a teenager in 2005-2010 that environment was just fucked up for anyone who might be trying to come to terms with not being straight). Kids in my school were more accepting, but also in the same breath using 'Gay' as an insult).

We were both undiagnosed neurodiverse people and maybe it was just the first time we'd encountered someone who just actually understood for once. Who saw who we were and were okay with that. The 10 year relationship, put in that context makes a lot of sense. So I don't blame him for how it ended. If anything I thanked him for breaking it off, because I was in such a goddamn state after being used by the Australian government (see Robodebt) there was no way in hell I had the mental tools or even brain space to realise anything about myself because I was too busy just trying to fucking survive. I would have lived and died in that relationship simply because at least it was safe, and stable. But it wasn't genuine.

Past two years since that relationship ended were fucking rough. For most of this year I kind of just turned into myself I guess, but I was letting it happen because after finding out about the high comorbidity of chronic health conditions with Autism and how it's likely related to long-term compound stress from masking for so long, I really asked myself when was the last time I just let myself 'rest'? Didn't do anything I didn't want to do or feel compelled to do because of some social contract or guilt?

I couldn't come up with an answer.

So I rested. And I think that's basically given me the strength now to finally 'wake up'. I dunno. That's how it feels. I only recently noticed my thoughts about women were structurally very different than the ones about men (and yeah it's goddamn fuckin' embarassing to say but uh thanks Larian specifically for giving me a female love interest tailored to my exact preference which FINALLY connected some dusty neuron in the back of my head or something. It was Karlach. MY GODDAMN GAY AWAKENING WAS KARLACH, ffs) and the more I examined it, the more everything became clear. I was hesitant to remove the bi label from myself, wondering if this was just a really extreme 'bi-cycle' swing but the more and more I thought about it, went through memories in my life, how I could never see myself with someone else it was always characters together and really it was the relationship and intimacy between them, regardless of gender that I was appreciating.

I thought I was grey ace but after going 'huh these thoughts are kind of different' and realising that yeah, I could imagine myself with a woman - it wasn't some weird other shit I'd told myself like it was just visceral self hatred or something, placing myself with a guy it was literally I did not want to be with a guy - it became obvious. So fucking, embarrassingly obvious.

I'm not sure where things will go from here. I am incredibly socially isolated in real life. My best friend is my Mum. I don't have a social circle at all outside of online spaces. I'm 30 and that's a fucking weird age to be thrown out into the world essentially experiencing goddamn delayed idk mental puberty because you suppressed it that hard. I haven't used a dating app in my LIFE. I'm still kind of scared of being hurt by others and I'm aware it's not entirely logical, but I just feel fragile. I'm also still picking up the pieces of my life.

I've confirmed a C-PTSD diagnosis with my psychologist, which explains why all the CBT tools I'd learned over the years just stopped working (CBT doesn't always gel well with PTSD or Autism) so that's probably going to inform treatment going forward. My intense fatigue issues are probably caused by having to carry all this fucking trauma and suppression of myself. As I said to my Mum, it's like I'm just 'Tired from being alive' at this point. I'm really, really fucking hoping it's not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME. The new medication I'm on seems to be keeping me going past the 4hr mark though, so we might be onto the right medication mix (I do not appreciate the 7:30pm crash, like clockwork, where instead of feeling unfocused and tired like before I now feel jacked up as hell like I'm waiting for someone to punch me however :V)

I don't know where this is going. Or where I'm going. All I know is 'I'm going'. When the breakup first happened, when I hauled myself out of the Mental Health ward and back to my parents home where I had to figure out what the fuck to do after any kind of certainty of my future had been completely obliterated - I saw a lot of snakes. I'm kind of vaugely pagan, if I'm honest. I don't know how to put it. I am very scientific but I also don't think we know all the answers.

My ancestors were likely heavily Celtic, likely some Viking and Pictish influence as both family lines go back to Scotland and Ireland. I know through my reading that natural signs were important to them, so I start noticing when I see multiple occurrences, especially in odd places (I'll be real, I just remembered earlier in this relationship when I was more into pagan shit I saw a lot of Moths. Yeah. Yeah I feel like smashing my face into my desk about that. No I never figured it out then EITHER). I know quite a few things about snakes. Snakes are an animal that is both used as a symbol for medicine, but also classed as 'evil', especially in the modern christian context.

They are considered symbols of rejuvenation, of immortality, much like the Phoenix, they are constantly reborn through the shedding of their skin. Shedding is critical to a snake, because if it does not shed it's skin, it will die. This is a legitimate concern for zookeepers with snakes that have scars - they often struggle to shed completely, and they have to soak the snake's skin in water so they can cast off the skin.

So it's shed or die.

I have struggled to let go of things. Of everything that was done to me, but I knew it had to be let go. And today I have shed a lot of that shit. I am crying on and off but this is probably the first time it's easy. It's not physically painful, like knives in my throat, or something I have to shove down and keep contained for fear of being rejected. It's happy crying.

Because that skin being shed - it wasn't mine either. I needed rest, I needed to soak in that goddamn water dish so I could get through all the scar tissue. So it's probably the strongest image I have in my mind of everything. Of who I am. My entire life.

If you're going through difficult shit in life, all I can say is - you're strong. You're strong as fuck. Strength isn't being able to get into a physical fight, or being super confident around people - it's enduring life and the chaos thrown at you. It's being able to be broken down and rebuild, just like the snake casts off skin for their new selves. You will endure things and be stronger for it, than those who have lived all their lives without any pain whatsoever.

But it could be better, I know. It doesn't justify the pain. But please listen to yourself. Listen to your body. If you need to be selfish? Be fucking selfish! Don't want to do that thing? Don't do it! If you know it is costing you, if it is adding to that scar tissue - stop. Take the time you need to reset, to regain your breath. Ask yourself who you are doing this for. Ask what skin you are wearing and whether that is something you want to keep. Shed it. Let go.

It will hurt, but this is just the beginning. Change feels like a broken bone. But it will heal.

#kerytalk #lesbian #lgbtq+ #sorry this got real long and kind of spiritual at the end but yeah #this is I guess the culmination of 30 years of my life and a lot of pain #uh yeah that spn tattoo I provided was taken directly from that idea bank for my own tatt because I felt it fit #and it's a good message to carry I think