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toomuchofabastard · 3 years

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Heaven’s Final Betrayal (3/6)

[ << CHAPTER 1 ] [ < CHAPTER 2 ]

Fandom: Good Omens (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Aftermath of Rape/Non-Con, Denial, Drinking, Self-Blame

Word count: 3,228 (total 9,818)

Fic Summary: It was obvious that Heaven wouldn’t exactly be thrilled about Aziraphale’s role in preventing Armageddon. But neither the angel nor Crowley could have predicted how far they were willing to go to get revenge, and now Aziraphale needs him by his side more than ever.

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Crowley was stirred from the inky grasp of sleep by the rumble of the mattress and the sensation of shifting weight next to him. Reality slowly seeped its way back into his consciousness. Aziraphale. The angel was awake. His bed, his flat. Morning.

What happened yesterday.

Crowley grimaced as the memories resurfaced. Fuck. Images flickered unbidden in his mind, snippets and sounds of events like a highlights reel designed specifically to torment him. He rubbed his gluey eyes with the heel of his palm, and forced them open. The visions vanished.

Aziraphale was sat on the edge of the bed, still and silent. Crowley couldn’t see his face.

“Mornin’, angel,” he mumbled.

“Good morning,” Aziraphale replied quietly, but still facing away. Crowley cocked his head, trying to guess at what was going through the angel’s mind. After a long pause, Aziraphale turned to him.

“So-,” he began, with what Crowley could tell instantly was painfully-forced cheerfulness. He patted his thighs and gave a half-hearted wiggle.

“Breakfast at the Ritz?”

His voice was thin and brittle-sounding, higher than normal. The smile on his face didn’t reach to his eyes. The sight rekindled the ache deep in Crowley’s chest.

Crowley sighed. “Angel, it’s- …You don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Aziraphale replied quickly. Then he exhaled shakily and his eyes scrunched closed.

Crowley sat up next to him and encircled his arms gently around the angel’s waist, hugging his belly and resting his cheek against his shoulder. When Aziraphale’s eyes opened again, they were filled with the same despair and devastation from the night before. His chin started to pucker and he blinked rapidly. He wouldn’t look at Crowley as he spoke, instead staring down at his hands rested loosely in his lap. “I… I don’t want to think about it, Crowley. Please, just for today, can we please just pretend…” His voice wobbled and he trailed off with a gulp, turning away.

Crowley sighed unhappily and rubbed his hands over the angel’s stomach. Pretend what? Pretend like it had never happened? Like yesterday afternoon had just been a bad dream. Like they were still happy. Like he hadn’t been raped. Oh God, thought Crowley, as the weight of the word hit him fully. He’d been raped. They’d raped him.

He looked again at Aziraphale’s face. No matter how valiantly the angel was trying to bury it, he couldn’t just suppress all that hurt, all that trauma. He was visibly this close to breaking, barely holding himself together. Crowley was pretty sure one tiny thing would be enough to throw him over the edge. And stoically, stupidly trotting out that stiff upper lip and hiding behind denial would only make things worse, Crowley knew. Why did he do that to himself? He supposed Heaven had taught him to be that way. Some kind of self-defence mechanism against all their cruelty and control.

But he couldn’t ask Crowley to be party to it. Crowley couldn’t do that, it just hurt too much. Even if Aziraphale needed him to… ah, shit. He looked down, and ran his tongue despondently over the back of his teeth. Yeah. Aziraphale needed him. And wasn’t he always there when Aziraphale needed him. He knew this was never going to be sustainable in the long term. But, especially with how fragile Aziraphale seemed right now… maybe just for one day…

“Alright,” Crowley eventually conceded. He nuzzled sadly into the angel’s shoulder.

“Thank you, my dear,” Aziraphale whispered.

“So-,” Aziraphale took a deep breath and tried again, the artificial mask of cheerfulness returning. “The Ritz, for breakfast? We haven’t been there for a while. And their smoked salmon is simply delectable, and they do that fancy juice that you like, or at least you said that you did last time. Or-or we could do the Wolseley, if you prefer?” He was rambling, still smiling too wide and too emptily.

“Whatever you want, angel,” Crowley replied quietly. Just because he’d agreed, didn’t mean he had to encourage him. He was already hating every second of this.

Aziraphale flashed the fake smile again, and swallowed. “The Ritz it is.”

◥|⧗|◤

They took the Bentley. Crowley drove with less reckless abandon than usual, not wanting to rattle his angel in his current state. Aziraphale spent most of the drive looking vacantly out of the window as the busy London streets zipped by. Crowley shot him furtive glances, wanting to keep watch over him but hoping to avoid the usual chiding “eyes on the road, please dear”. Aziraphale either didn’t see or was choosing to ignore him. His hands in his lap were clasped tight, Crowley noticed. The little signs were still there, betraying what the angel must really be feeling inside.

A table for two for the breakfast sitting was miraculously available, and they were seated immediately. Crowley dismissed the waiter with a flick of his hand when he tried to pull out the chair for him, whereas Aziraphale smiled graciously at the man and accepted his help. He couldn’t hide the wince as he sat though, and even as he tried to smother it, Crowley could see the despair flicker again, ever so briefly, behind his eyes. Then it was gone, and the smile was back, though even less convincing than before. Aziraphale sat up ramrod straight and busied himself with his napkin. Crowley smirked vaguely back at him, heart heavy. He’d put on a new pair of sunglasses, and was very thankful for the camouflage they provided. He didn’t want Aziraphale (or any of the humans, for that matter) reading his expression at the moment.

They ordered quickly, and ate quietly. Aziraphale maintained the frozen smile throughout the meal, and tried a number of times to engage Crowley in pleasant small talk, but Crowley didn’t feel any more like talking than he did like eating, and the resulting silence hung dead and flat in the air around them. Aziraphale, likewise, wasn’t eating with his usual relish, instead picking at his food and batting it around the plate with a far-away look in his eyes. Nonetheless, the angel forced down every morsel and afterwards made a great show of wiping his lips with the napkin and complimenting the waitstaff. Crowley watched him carefully all the while, ready for the moment when the mask would finally crack, already preparing himself to pick up shattered pieces of angel in the aftermath.

But it didn’t come, and once they’d paid for the meal*, they headed to St. James’ Park at Aziraphale’s suggestion. The ducks were rowdy as usual, tearing the pieces of bread they threw to shreds, like vultures at a carcass. Crowley begrudgingly left the angel alone at the pond-side while he fetched them ice-creams from the kiosk, as had become their habit. Aziraphale accepted his with another flash of that god-awful broken smile, and linked his soft hand with Crowley’s purposefully. Crowley gave it a squeeze.

*Crowley, by force of habit, left a handful of pennies on the table for the waiter, but discreetly doubled the service charge on the bill.

They strolled around the edge of the water as they ate. Occasionally, Crowley felt a subtle tremor run through Aziraphale’s hand in his, but when he turned to check on him, the angel always looked away, suddenly remarking on the activity of the waterfowl or pointing out a worthy target for one of Crowley’s demonic wiles.

The deflection continued as they finished the ice-creams and headed back towards the bookshop, stopping at Piccadilly Market on the way. It was busy with people today, milling around between the red-and-white striped awnings, underneath which proprietors were hawking old books, antiques, and other sorts of tat that the angel loved. Aziraphale dragged Crowley from stall to stall, cheerily inspecting their wares. He seemed unable (or, Crowley guessed, unwilling) to pause for even a moment, presumably lest the façade he’d built up crumble without a constant distraction. But Crowley caught the mask slipping in a few moments when the angel thought his face was hidden. A shimmer of uncertainty in his eyes, a tiredness in the way he held himself. As the afternoon wore on, Crowley could swear Aziraphale began to limp when he walked, just imperceptibly.

Crowley was worried about him. It had been gnawing away at his stomach all day. But he couldn’t help but feel annoyed too. Aziraphale must realise how much it hurt whenever he turned that bloody fake cheerfulness act of his on him. Sure, hiding his feelings from Heaven or even from the humans was understandable, but they were supposed to be on the same side now. They were supposed to share these things. Did he think Crowley would judge him? That he wouldn’t see through it in an instant? They’d known each other too long for the latter, and Crowley prayed that Aziraphale didn’t believe the former. It just hurt, the way Aziraphale was shutting him out.

The sky was turning peach-coloured with the first omens of sunset when they eventually got back to the bookshop. Crowley held his breath as he opened the door. Aziraphale hung back behind him. Inside, everything was still, the air heavy with dust, and the books, papers and furniture exactly as where they’d left them the last time they’d been home. Before. Crowley sighed deeply. Nothing had changed. Even though it seemed everything else in their world had. A weight that he hadn’t realised was pressing down on him seemed to lift slightly from his shoulders.

He turned and motioned Aziraphale inside. The angel looked briefly hesitant, but then he swallowed, raised his chin, and entered. Crowley’s hand went automatically to brush his back as he passed. Finally, they were back where they belonged. He shut the door on the world behind them with a sense of conclusiveness. The hum of the streets melted away, and then it was just them, left in silence.

◥|⧗|◤

They were six bottles of wine down, and Aziraphale was clumsily opening a seventh, when the elephant in the room finally trumpeted its unwelcome presence. Crowley had only drunk one, maybe one-and-a-half, of the bottles. The edges of the room were just beginning to spin a little at the corner of his vision. Aziraphale, on the other hand, was so far beyond plastered that he was heading towards a decorative stucco with crown moulding.

“An-angel, I think you’vhad enough,” drawled Crowley, and then frowned at himself, surprised at how drunk he already sounded.

Aziraphale made a face like a petulant toddler. “Jus’ one more,” he muttered. He finished wrestling with the cork and tipped the bottle unsteadily, managing to get at least half of the liquid into the glass instead of onto the carpet. “Can’t… can’t do any harm.”

Crowley’s face creased in disagreement, but he said nothing.

Aziraphale grasped the glass and then necked the contents back in one gulp like a parched man in the desert. Crowley watched, slightly dumbfounded. Under the veil of inebriation, the worry bit again at his stomach.

“Hey, you r’member that thing at that wedding in Cana?” he asked abruptly. “Wine into water - no, wait-” He made a spinning motion with his hand. “-other way ‘round. You know what I mean.”

Aziraphale looked morosely up at him, cradling the glass close. “Bloody awful evening.”

“You’re just sssaying that ‘cos you weren’t allowed any,” said Crowley. The angel pouted.

“Anyway…” continued Crowley, feeling increasingly talkative as the alcohol permeated its way into his system. “Point is, you’re not s’pposed to drink it like it’s still water.” He jutted out his chin. “So s-stop drinking like a… a…” What was the phrase? Some kind of animal. Something aquatic?

“…a dolphin,” he finished, with a confidence he didn’t feel.

Aziraphale spluttered with laughter, making Crowley blink in surprise. “ ‘s fish, dear,” the angel slurred, and then collapsed into another giggle. “You and your dolphins!” He suddenly fell about laughing, bending double on the sofa, and inadvertently sloshing wine everywhere.

Crowley smirked uneasily. His unease built as the angel’s laughter grew gradually louder and louder, until it was almost hysterical. It hadn’t been that funny, he thought to himself. The noise sounded wrong to his ears, discordant and unsettling, as though the bottom had fallen out of reality. It actually made him feel a bit sick.

Aziraphale raised his glass-free hand to cover his face. Beneath it, Crowley heard the hysterical laughter slowly transmute into hysterical sobbing.

Aaand there it is, thought Crowley with pained resignation. The angel had finally reached his breaking point. Immediately, he miracled the alcohol out of his body and back into one of the bottles. “Angel?” He stepped closer and knelt down in front of Aziraphale, trying to peer up through the angel’s fingers at his face. Aziraphale’s hunched shoulders jerked fitfully up and down, muffled sobs and hiccups escaping from underneath his hand. Crowley gently removed the wine glass from his other hand, and then took hold of his wrist and rubbed soothingly at his pulse-point.

“Talk to me, angel,” Crowley said softly. “Please.”

He waited while Aziraphale continued to gasp for breath, eventually managed to stop sobbing, and swallowed heavily. Slowly, the angel peeped out at Crowley like a frightened child from underneath the hood of his hand. Half of his face remained hidden, but what Crowley could make out was contorted with anguish.

“How do you make it stop, Crowley?” he asked wretchedly, sniffling. “It just-… I just want it to stop hurting. I don’t know what to do.” He stared into Crowley’s eyes, looking desperately lost.

“Help me,” he pleaded.

And there was that terrible, stabbing ache in Crowley’s chest again. “Oh…c’mere,” Crowley replied with a sympathetic sigh. He clambered onto the sofa beside Aziraphale and drew him close. Aziraphale lent into his touch, burying his face into Crowley’s shoulder as another distressed whine escaped him.

“I can’t help you if you keep shutting me out,” Crowley explained gently, rocking him from side to side. Aziraphale nodded mutely against him. “C’mon,” he rubbed the angel’s back. “Sober up and let’s talk. It’ll help. I promise.”

Aziraphale nodded again and, gradually, he pulled away from Crowley and straightened up. A quick squint of exertion crossed his face, and the empty bottles on the table were suddenly filled again (well, all but one, Crowley noted, but that was forgivable given the circumstances). The angel wiped messily at his eyes with the back of his hand and took a deep, shuddering breath, and then turned to look uncertainly at Crowley.

“Just tell me what you’re feeling,” Crowley whispered. “Don’t keep bottling it all up.”

Resignation settled on Aziraphale’s tear-stained face and he sighed. He looked away at the floor, hugging at his own arms.

“I feel...” he began, his voice strained like it was a struggle to get the words out. “…humiliated.” He rocked back and forth on the sofa, digging his fingernails into the flesh of his upper arms. “…violated.” He shuddered. “A-And I know I shouldn’t but…” He glanced sideways at Crowley and then back down at the floor, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. “…ashamed,” he finished, voice almost a whisper. He covered his face again as another pained whimper slipped from his throat.

Crowley rubbed at Aziraphale’s knee. “You know it wasn’t your fault, right?” he said. “What they did to you, it was barbaric, a-and senseless, and cruel” - the litany of bastards bastards bastards returned to his head, but he tried not to let the rage carry him away - “and it was not your fault.” He punctuated each word with a gentle pat of the angel’s leg. “Not one bit of it.”

Aziraphale nodded quickly. “I know, I know. It’s not that.” He sniffled again.

Then what? Crowley raised an expectant eyebrow, and waited as Aziraphale gathered himself together again and shuffled on the sofa until he was facing towards him.

“You know, I really thought-” the angel began, and actually chuckled bitterly through the tears. “I really thought that we were the good guys.” He shook his head. “How naïve of me. All those years of loyalty to Heaven, and this is what I get for it. It seems I’ve been well and truly ‘played for a sucker’.”

He looked up at Crowley. “You could always see it, of course.” He sighed ruefully. “I just can’t believe I was ever so foolish as to have-…to have trusted them. I’m just a soft old idiot.”

“Aziraphale,” Crowley sighed with a hint of exasperation, squeezing the angel’s hand. “That’s not your fault either. You’re a good person.” He cracked a slight smile. “You are soft, and I love that about you. You see the best in people” - he lifted Aziraphale’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss into the tops of his knuckles - “like you did in me. Shame on them for taking advantage of your trust.”

Aziraphale looked unconvinced.

“Can you say it with me? ‘None of this was my fault’?” Crowley pressed.

The angel gulped and stared into Crowley’s eyes, a look on his face like he truly wanted to believe him. “…None of this was my fault,” he repeated quietly.

“And you believe that, yeah?”

Aziraphale nodded silently.

“Then…the shame will go away,” Crowley said. “You just gotta give it time.” It would always hurt, of course, but Crowley knew from his own experience that the pain did fade, eventually. He wasn’t about to remind Aziraphale right now that some of this would doubtlessly stay with him forever.

Aziraphale sighed again, deeply and wearily. He glanced over at the once-again-full bottles of wine on the table, but a hint of a frown from Crowley and he stopped reaching for one. “I just want to move on. Forget this ever happened,” he mumbled, waving a hand dismissively.

“…you can’t do that, angel,” Crowley responded, as patiently as he could manage. “It won’t work. We’ll just keep going round the same miserable circle.”

He shuffled closer to the angel again and pulled him into a hug. Aziraphale let him, and curled up close with his head resting heavily against Crowley’s chest. Crowley stroked a hand through his soft curls as he spoke.

“Look, I understand,” said Crowley. “You turn the pain inwards on yourself, because you don’t know how else to survive it. Trust me, I get it.” Aziraphale looked up at him in surprise. “But you have to stop trying to escape all this by suppressing it, angel,” Crowley continued. “If you don’t let yourself feel it, you’ll never be able to move past it.”

The angel looked down and sighed once more. “You’re quite right, of course,” he said quietly. Then his face twisted and another half-sniffle, half-sob left him.

“I’m sorry,” Aziraphale said, “for hurting you too. For shutting you out.” He pressed closer into Crowley’s embrace. “I’m a mess.”

“For Satan’s sake, angel, don’t worry about me,” Crowley scoffed softly. A pang of love and fondness joined the ache in his heart as he looked down at the angel. “In fact, don’t you worry about anything right now. I’m here, I’ll look after you.”

He brushed Aziraphale’s hair gently aside, and planted a tender kiss on his temple.

“We’ll get through this. Together.”

Aziraphale closed his eyes, and he smiled - weakly, but, this time, genuinely.

#my fanfiction #rape tw #noncon tw #whump #aziraphale!whump #good omens whump #nsfwhump

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bigdanteague3 · 3 years

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Caroline part 3

The big finale.....school started for everyone and we talked on the phone as much as possible. This was long distance and not free so it wasn’t daily. But a few times a week. I’d call and then she’d call to split the cost. Whatever. I remember thinking she’d probably find somebody and we would never get back together but then I remembered how good a girl she was in high school. Loyal to a boy who lived hours away. And she confessed her love to me. And she pursued me. I was kinda...conflicted. I didn’t blame her because I never stopped railing you...and still fucked Amber often but that was winding down because she still had a couple of years of high school. I guess I planned on fucking Amber as long as possible but knew I wouldn’t be around to bump into her anymore. So I wasn’t exactly “worried” that Caroline would find somebody else. But definitely didn’t want her to. Hypocritical, I am.

Anyway, she invites me to come down that weekend. There was the first football game and she wanted to know what kind of liquor I wanted. I didn’t care because I wasn’t a huge drinker. Just said whatever. The plan was for me to pick up her roommate who had to come home for something and take her back. Deal. Little did I know that I would end up in another girls bed (not like that) and she would end up in another boys bed (exactly like that)

I pick up the roommate and she rides with me down there. We were cool. She was hilarious and pretty and we had kissed a couple of times a long time before. But she had a steady and that was in the past. We were really good friends. But something was off on that car ride. She was throwing this weird vibe. Was she mad at me? Why would she be mad at me? We were very cool. Had the dynamic changed since I had started railing Caroline? Was it weird that I was going down there to fuck her? Did it change something in our circle of friends? She wasn’t mean at all. It was like something was troubling her. Maybe she had a fight with her boyfriend? I still don’t know. But I remember it being like a bad omen. It wasn’t terrible...just different.

So we get there and I can’t find Caroline. She gone. Lots of people coming and going and I’m hanging out with Becky from your class and her roommate from my class. They are cool. We have a good time. I don’t particularly want to drink but have a few sips to be polite. Caroline comes in from somewhere and we hug and its different. Hmmm.....but she invited me down right? She wants me here? Anyway, we’re talking and she seems distant. She doesn’t seem to want to be alone with me. I’m not pissed at all. Just kinda....weird feeling. I think I follow her into Becky’s room and we have a short kiss but she politely has to go do something in the other room. Hmmm. Night goes on...I see less of her and its mostly Becky and the other 2 girls and me and some other random people. I drink and drink and start getting semi-pissed. Nobody knows where she is...had to run to the store? The feeling gets stronger and I get drunker. Not used to hard liquor but there I was. I don’t remember anything else about the nighttime.

Daytime....I wake up in a bed with somebody curled up next to me. I see the back of her head. We aren’t cuddling...its just a tiny ass bed with 2 people passed out in it. I think its Becky? I look around the room and its definitely her bedroom. Pictures of her and her sister on the dresser. WTF? What time is it? I don’t remember getting here at all. Had I ever messed around with Becky? Maybe kissed twice? Three times? No groping, no second base, just a few kisses over the year. That didn’t cross my mind. Just some history. All I could think about was why we were here. I knew it wasn’t like the movies where people pass out and don’t remember sex and how this person got here. I knew nothing happened. I also wasn’t really hung over. I just went from the living room to the bed and no time had passed. But several hours had passed, apparently. Her ass was pressed against me but it was more of a lack of space than sexual. She had on sleep shorts and a tee shirt. I still had on yesterdays clothes. I slip out of bed trying not to wake her up...she was pretty out of it. But she woke up. I apologize. I ask her how this happened? Why we were sharing her little ass bed? She tells me she found me in her bathroom laying on the floor. Well, that’s embarassing. I ask her if I had thrown up and she says no. But they weren’t going to leave me there all night. She says her and somebody got my stupid ass in the bed and when she got in...she tried to sleep with her head at the bottom but the covers made that a problem. And she wasn’t going to sleep on the couch because I was an idiot so she just went to sleep next to me. I told her that made sense. And apologized for being an idiot. And thanked her for getting my stupid ass out of the floor.

Then I asked the obvious. She didn’t know. Promised she hadn’t seen her. I was tired of this shit and ready to go home but wanted to find her before I did. Went down to her apartment...knock knock...nobody home. Hmmm. Went back to Becky’s and told her I needed my keys and all the shit at Carolines. She couldn’t help and I knew she felt sorry for me. That and having her pick me up out of the floor was pretty humiliating. Anyway, Becky’s roommate was up by now and I was like WTF? And she told me she knew where Caroline was but I shouldn’t go down there. It was like 3 doors down. Was I pissed? Yeah, not that she was fucking somebody else...but that she called me down here. Anyway, the door was unlocked, some asshole is sitting on the couch. I tell him I need to get my keys from Caroline and he points to the back. I knock on the door and open it and she’s still asleep on some dude. Not like I slept with Becky. No shirt on, he had no shirt on. I assume they had nothing on. But I could only see the upper half. Both her titties with those big pink nipples exposed. She looked at me and just went pale. I played it off like I was just an acquaintance needing her apartment keys. She pointed at her purse. I thanked her, left and went home. She called later to apologize. Said she wanted to sleep with me that night but I had passed out. Which was untrue. She was unavailable all night. Anyway, I was pissed but not furious.

I even went back down there a few months later. Not alone and not because she personally asked me. It was a big group of us going to visit all of them. I even slept in her bed but she sat at the desk all night studying. Yeah, right. She had a pretty major medical emergency around Christmas of that year and spent several nights in hospital. I called her on New Year’s Eve to see how she was feeling. She was better. Her parents had gone out and she was home all alone and watching tv. I foolishly asked her if I could just come over and see her...maybe ring in the new year together. I don’t think I even meant to go over and fuck her senseless after what had happened health-wise. Pretty sure i just meant to kiss her at midnight and kinda clean the page. She said no. I knew she’d say no, but that was my last effort.

5 years later she was getting ready to marry somebody from our school. Not the first dude, not me but somebody else that was older. He’s a nice enough guy. I was leaving the store one day and she pulls in right behind me and blocks me in. She was still driving the same white car from high school. She comes up and I get out and she says I thought that was you. I confirm it was me. I sarcastically tell her thanks for the wedding invite. Other people got one, not me. She looks sad for a minute and said she didn’t think it would be fair to her fiance to invite me. Because of our history. I told her I understood. She looked really sad. I tell her I hope they are really happy together...she says they are. She just apologized again for the way things went down. Said it always bothered her. I told her it bothered me too but that I didn’t blame her. That situation was destined to blow up and I’m glad that summer happened. Not the fall...but the summer. She hugged me and told me she loved me and I said the same.

Didn’t see her for a while. Saw her at the 10 year reunion. Not going to say she flirted with me. But she may have flirted with me. Grabbed my arm when we talked. Didn’t see her for a while...facebook came along....our kids are similar ages and she’s involved in several things so I see her pretty often. She looks as good now as she did then. Same round ass....titties even bigger. She always smiles and its like the old days before the hookup. Saw her a couple of weeks ago in a school parking lot. She was there on official business. There were no kids around. She was carrying a bag. I roll down the window and pull up beside her and ask her if she’s still hanging out in school parking lots after hours. She turns and laughs and leans into my window and we talk for a while. Nothing flirtatious. About general random kid-related stuff. But I know she thinks about it and knows I still remember her big pink nipples and voluptuous ass and choking on my dick.

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watchingspn-blog · 5 years

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spn rewatch | wendigo

I’m gonna be real upfront right now. This episode scared the piss out of me when I first saw it. I’m sorry but a crazy fast, perfect hunter who can move faster than you can blink and eats human flesh to survive and can mimic a person’s voice to lure you to them?! I WAS TERRIFIED! It didn’t help that I had just moved into our new house, which is on five acres of land with about four of those acres being nothing but woods. But, for real, I know some of the effects aren’t as good as they could be by today’s standards but I actually loved and was terrified of this episode the first time I saw it, which kind of amped up the scary factor from the pilot for me.

Okay, here we go.

So as if we needed to further cement that this is taking place in glorious 2005, you’ve got two guys playing games on their Nintendo DS’s (RIP pre-Glee Cory Monteith, the only person who could’ve competed with Jared vertically) and then Tommy recording a video on his Blackberry, somehow magically having it perfectly level with his face despite not being able to see the screen as he records. Like seriously that’s the supernatural activity they should be investigating.

Okay but so some of the wendio effects later in the episode are not so great but in this first scene, I think they made some pretty solid choices of just relying on the whole concept of “less is more” and giving mostly scary sounds and rustling trees and making you more afraid of what could be in the forest than creating a scary visual to throw at you right off the bat. Solid scary intro scene.

The cemetery scene. Totally classic shoutout to Carrie. I had just gotten into Stephen King when I started watching Supernatural (honestly I was delving into all kinds of horror themed things at the time) and I’d seen Carrie for the first time not too long before this. Which means not only was I super scared by the jump scare (because I’m still jumpy as fuck to this day), I was also SUPER proud of myself for knowing what they were trying to reference there. I definitely thought I was cool for getting that one. Now, not so much. But the scene still makes me jump.

I really do like the ways they’re kind of trying to establish how the brothers care for each other. Like you know right off the bat in the pilot that their relationship is rough at best and that there’s some pretty obvious toxic masculinity on Dean’s part at least but like you can still see that Dean’s concerned. He’s got his own way of showing it but he’s worried about his little brother.

Side note: just remember that they both had a seriously messed up childhood and the fact that either of them are as close to normal as they are is impressive. Like I think all things considered, they’re pretty well adjusted. Kind of.

This episode is kind of outside the norm compared to future episodes with how Sam and Dean both handle the case when they first get to town. The fact that Sam just wants to go straight to the coordinates John left them while Dean’s the one saying “maybe we should do a little research first” is bizarro. But it also kind of helps show just where Sam’s mind is at at this point. He’s not coming to this as a hunter taking on a case, he’s a man with a vendetta and the next step he needs to take is finding John. He’s fueled by anger and grief and guilt and that kind of reflects when he seems less concerned about what’s going on in the woods and more interested in just getting out there ASAP.

Okay, just like they couldn’t pass as US Marshals, the guys seriously do not look like park rangers at all. Like you guys aren’t even trying come on. And good on Haley for being suspicious even if she did seem to buy into their story for a bit.

BABY HAN SOLO!

I totally did not realize that was Alden Ehrenreich playing Ben until I saw his name on screen at the beginning of the episode. He looks so so so young in this ohmygod. Also think I’ll need to keep a list of like all the crazy celeb cameos of people who got famous after being on the show. Or were already famous but I totally forgot popped up.

For our next super underrated guest star scene of the series, Shaw - the old man who’s parents were taken by a “grizzly” back when he was a kiddo in 1959.

Like seriously, it’s one scene but Donnelly Rhodes (RIP) does an amazing job with the scene and like it kind of leaves me with chills whenever he says that whatever it was didn’t break down the door but unlocked it. Like that’s still hella spooky to me. Also, I still don’t totally understand why the wendigo left him behind. Like you’d think for a monster that is going to have a big ass meal before hibernation would want as much meat as possible. Like yeah a little kid wouldn’t much but he’d be something right?

Also that’s a gnarly scar like how did he survive that.

So Dean talks about it being possibly a skinwalker or a black dog but like looking into what those both actually are I honestly don’t understand why he would think that based on what they know about the attacks. Like black dogs are death omens and skinwalkers wouldn’t be able to do the kind of damage that’s being done considering everyone’s just like “oh it’s a grizzly”. So like I dunno, I guess this might’ve been the writers tossing out references to other creatures to make it sound like Dean knows a bunch but like neither of those would be my first guesses for this case.

Kind of just like “early installment weirdness” but whatever. It’s not a big deal, just me nitpicking.

Okay so Roy is kind of a jackass but like he knows what he’s doing for the most part and he totally doesn’t buy the guys story about beng park rangers for one minute. So like I can respect that. And like if it would’ve been an actual animal attacking people, he might’ve survived but oh well.

I do like that Haley just goes ahead and calls bullshit on the park rangers story before they even go on their adventure but Dean’s whole “it's probably the most honest I've ever been with a woman...ever.” is just kind of cringey.

So all the traipsing through the woods and the “I’m smarter than you” staredown between Roy and Sam is not super interesting but I do like that 1 - we get to see Sam being angry and being emotional in a more volatile way because that’s not often the case as the show goes on - and 2 - we get our iconic line of “saving people, hunting things, the family business” and the whole idea that they’re not supposed to meet up with John but do the jobs he doesn’t have time for while he’s hunting for the demon that killed Mary.

I don’t think I really realized why John would leave them coordinates and the journal when he didn’t plan on actually meeting up with them when I watched this as a kid. I just kind of shrugged it off as like a necessary plot device for the show to progress, didn’t really see it as anything with a deeper meaning. And I think it’s fair that you can’t read too much into after an episode and a half because there’s so much that we don’t know yet about the boys and John and their story and all of that. But like looking at it with the knowledge of their lives and everything, it’s a lot heavier moment to me. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

Okay so the rest of the episode is just encounter monster, piss off monster, get kidnapped by monster, track monster, kill monster. Kind of standard, not super exciting like there’s not a lot to talk about. Dean with his molotov cocktails is kind of fantastic.

The trail of M&Ms is fun and yes better than breadcrumbs. Sam immediately becoming invested in killing the monster once Dean’s been taken gives me all kinds of feels because I love when these two go into protective brother mode. And Dean all banged up with bruises and cuts and dirt is a look I probably shouldn’t like as much as I do but that’s a conversation for another day.

The wendigo does look a little cheesy when you get better glimpses of it because early 00s special effects so it’s definitely for the best they keep things pretty shadowy for the end of the episode. Not the worst looking monster of season one and still scary enough, to me at least.

So this is the episode that seems to start the trend that if there’s a girl involved and her life gets saved by the Winchesters, one of them is going to flirt with her and get some kind of physical affection before they leave town. It doesn’t happen every episode but it happens enough that 26 year old me is rolling my eyes. 14 year old me had no issues with Sam and Dean getting smooches because look at them. But now I’m kind of like this seems a little unnecessary but whatever. It’s not the worst instance and all in all, I actually really liked Haley. I liked the whole Collins family. They were some solid guest characters and I feel like the scenes where Sam and Dean are interacting with them individually does a good job of kind of fleshing out their characters a bit more. It gives a chance for some necessary exposition without feeling too forced.

All in all, solid episode. Scary monster, intensified my fear of the woods, gave some good scenes, iconic lines. Does it have some cheesy moments? Yes. Is it the best episode of the series? No. Does it still scare me when I watch it? 100%.

BODY COUNT: 3 humans (Brad, Gary, Roy); 1 wendigo (our first corporeal monster - also like I’m curious about who the wendigo was before it changed, like how long has it been in the wilderness, how did it wind up at Blackwater Ridge, how it wound up this far west)

RATING: 7.5/10 - yep, I’ll say it. I think this episode is better than the pilot. Not by much but the characters feel a little closer to who they become throughout season one and I feel like you get a better feel for them than we did in the pilot. Also the wendigo scares me more than Sarah Shahi in a sexy nightgown I’m just saying.

#supernatural #supernatural rewatch #dean winchester #sam winchester #watchingspn #so i don't know if anyone's going to read this #i'm literally just rambling into a google doc and then sharing it #also idk if it's better or worse having screencaps in there #i'm figuring this out #idk what i'm doing #i hope someone enjoys my rambling #season one #1x02

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angelofrainfrogs · 5 years

Text

Serendipity (Part 2/3)

Fandom: Good Omens

Pairing: Aziraphale/Crowley (but not the main focus)

Other Characters: Warlock Dowling

Description: Seven years after Armageddidn’t, a boy wanders into A.Z. Fell and Co. and finds something more priceless than a first-edition novel- a reunion he (and his childhood caretakers) never thought possible.

Rating: G

Genre: General/Family/Mild Hurt/Comfort

Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20432192/chapters/48866999#workskin

Part 2

Aziraphale watched the scene in front of him with a look of adoration so blatant it made Crowley scrunch up his face in disgust and stick out his tongue when he noticed. The demon did not, however, loosen his grip on Warlock in the slightest.

The boy really was crying now- silently, but the tears staining Crowley’s jacket caused the demon to pat Warlock’s back and whisper words of reassurance until he quieted down. Eventually, Warlock stood back and fervently swiped at his eyes with the collar of his t-shirt, trying to clear the emotion from his face. Crowley took this moment of distraction to raise an eyebrow at Aziraphale.

What the hell is going on? Crowley's thoughts rang loud and clear; Aziraphale didn’t need to be a mind-reader to understand what his companion of 6,000 years was wondering.

I’ve got absolutely no idea, the angel’s shake of the head answered.

“Okay… okay, so,” Warlock began, fixing his gaze on Crowley, then on Aziraphale. A frown creased his face and he pursed his lips, putting one hand in his hip and using the other to point an accusatory finger at the angel. “So… you’re Brother Francis, but you’re really Mr. Fell.” He shifted to point at the demon. “And you’re Nanny Ashtoreth, but you’re really…?”

“Er… Crowley. The name’s Crowley,” the demon said. Warlock considered this for a moment, then shrugged.

“Weird name, but okay.”

“Hey, you're one to talk-"

“This is not our main concern!” Aziraphale interjected loudly, taking a few steps forward to grasp Crowley’s arm. The demon looked at him, eyes so wide they could almost be seen over his glasses. “Warlock is here, and we haven’t seen the dear boy in nearly a decade, and I think he would like some things explained.”

“Oh… right.” Crowley grimaced, coming to the same realization as Aziraphale: they hadn’t planned for this situation and therefore had no idea how to handle it.

“I have so much to ask you,” Warlock said, taking this as a cue to continue. Any trace of his previous burst of emotion had been replaced with a look of unbridled excitement. “So, where… I mean, how… God, there’s so much stuff! Um… okay.” The boy took a deep breath and Aziraphale and Crowley spared a glance at each other, wondering what in the world the boy was going to ask. “Okay, first question: are you two a thing?”

“…What?” the pair asked in unison. Warlock gestured to Aziraphale’s firm grip on Crowley’s forearm.

“Like, are you two together? There were always rumors- still are, actually, since some of the housekeepers remember you. But… is it true?”

Aziraphale merely blinked, not knowing what to say. Crowley, on the other hand, scoffed and gently removed his arm from the angel’s grip.

“That’s the first thing you’re worried about?!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air exasperatedly. “Really?! Seven years apart and all you want to know is whether your old gardener and nanny are an item?!”

“That’s not all I want to know,” Warlock replied testily. He could throw his former nanny’s attitude right back, as Crowley recalled a bit too late. “I really want to know why you sang me lullabies about taking over the world and crushing people under my heel. I want to know why Brother Francis told me to do the exact opposite and insisted I call animals ‘Brother’ and ‘Sister,’ which, by the way, is very weird to other people.” He gave Aziraphale a pointed look, to which the angel could only smile apologetically. “I also want to know why my scrapes always healed faster than other kids’- what, you think I didn’t notice that?”

Aziraphale had let out a small gasp, shooting another look at Crowley, but the demon was transfixed by the ranting boy in front of them. Warlock continued with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I didn’t notice the weird stuff at first, since I was so little. But when I started hanging out with other kids, I realized how things just seemed to… happen to me. If I fell and got a bruise on my leg, I’d show it to Nanny and it’d be gone in a day. If another kid had the same bruise, it took a week to disappear. I found four leaf clovers anytime I was looking for them with Brother Francis, even though they’re supposed to be super rare. When I went to the bakery with Nanny, they always found one of my favorite cookies in the back, even if they said they’d sold the last one for the day. Little things like that- they didn’t seem crazy at the time, but after you both left, they just… stopped.”

Warlock’s emotions were reemerging, and he clenched his fists by his side to try and control himself. Aziraphale touched Crowley’s arm again but the demon shook his head, knowing that the boy had to get this out of his system before they had even a vague chance of talking to him.

“I… I thought I was special,” Warlock said, more quietly. “I didn’t know if it was because I was supposed to bring about the end of the world or save it, like you both kept telling me-” His eyes flashed dangerously, as if this was a pinpoint of great strain on his mind. “-but I thought that’s why things happened to me like they did. That I was the one in control, unintentionally making my life better where I could. But, really, it was you two.” He crossed his arms pointedly. “Am I right?”

Crowley and Aziraphale said nothing for a long, long time. Just when Warlock began to grow frustrated, the demon took a step towards him.

“Yes,” he admitted, holding a hand out as if to grasp the boy’s shoulder. He paused before making contact, arm hanging awkwardly in the air. “Yes, hellspawn, you’re right.”

“Am I really a hellspawn?” Warlock asked. His eyes were dark and unreadable.

“…No,” Crowley said with a grimace.

“That’s part of why we had to leave,” Aziraphale added, moving next to Crowley. One more step, and they would both be close enough to pull Warlock into another embrace… but they didn’t dare. Not when the boy was in such as volatile state. “Actually, I suppose that is reason why we had to leave.”

“Because I’m not… what?” Confusion washed over Warlock’s face again. “A demon?”

Crowley let out a snort. “No. Because you’re not the antichrist.”

Warlock blinked at him.

“Really, Crowley, you just had to say it outright? You couldn’t have used a little more tact?” Aziraphale said testily, and Crowley gestured to the boy in front of them.

“He blatantly asked! What are we supposed to say? Come on, Angel, we can’t lie to him anymore; he doesn’t deserve it.”

“’Angel?’” Warlock repeated softly, forehead creased in utter bewilderment. Aziraphale sighed.

“Yes, alright, fine,” he said, voice full of resignation. “The angel would be… me.”

“…You’re an angel,” Warlock repeated. It was not a question, but a statement. Aziraphale nodded and the boy turned his gaze on Crowley. “I’m guessing you’re… not an angel, then.”

Crowley let out a mirthless laugh. “Haven’t been for over 6,000 years, kid. You’re looking at a genuine demon.”

Warlock could only stare, disbelief and acceptance fighting for control over his face. Eventually, the boy sunk onto the couch behind him, curling towards his knees and wrapping his hands around his head.

“That… makes so much sense, if it’s true,” he muttered, more to himself than anyone else. He glanced up at Crowley. “You’d better not be lying to me, Nanny Ash, or else I’ll-” The boy paused, then shook his head, as if correcting himself. “Er, I mean, I guess I should call you Crowley now?”

“I’ve been called too many names over the years to count; you can stick with what you know or try something new.” Crowley flashed what he hoped to be a reassuring grin. “Also, good job with the empty threat- though sitting up a bit straighter and not mumbling to the floor would give it more oomph.”

“Crowley!” Aziraphale exclaimed, so stressed that he actually stomped his foot. Crowley and Warlock both raised their eyebrows, surprised at the outburst. Aziraphale lowered his voice, an obvious strain in his normally calm tone. “This is not the time for that sort of…” He grabbed at the air, reaching for the word. “That sort of… lesson, if you can call it that.”

Crowley sighed. “Point taken. Warlock, we are telling you the truth. We didn’t when you were a kid because we were trying to… you know…”

Aziraphale knew what the demon struggled to say and jumped in. “We were trying to protect you, dear boy.”

“…That’s cool and all,” Warlock said slowly, trying to piece his scrambled thoughts into something that made a slight bit of sense. “But you still haven’t proven anything. About demons and angels and stuff, I mean.”

“You want proof?” Crowley asked, raising a hand to his sunglasses. “There’s a reason I never took these off.” He slid the glasses off his face, golden eyes blinking in the dim light of the bookshop, and Warlock gasped.

“Whoa,” the boy breathed, standing up to get a better look. Crowley cringed a bit at the scrutiny- not because he wasn’t used to people judging his eyes, but because this was Warlock. He’d made a point not to let the child see his true face for fear of what he might think.

After staring for an uncomfortable few more seconds, Warlock grinned, excitement finally creeping back into his expression. “Nanny Ash, those are awesome.”

Crowley chucked, hesitant to admit that he felt a bit relieved, and slipped his glasses back on. “Can’t say they’ve been described that way before, but I’ll take it.”

“You don’t secretly have weird eyes, do you, Brother Francis?” Warlock asked, turning his attention on Aziraphale. He scrunched up his nose questioningly. “Wait, your name’s really Mr. Fell, right? What’s your first name?”

“Actually, my true name is Aziraphale,” the angel replied with a smile, and Warlock silently repeated the name, testing how it sounded. “And no, my eyes are as they always have been. My angelic nature isn’t as obvious; I can manifest a halo, if I so choose.” He held up a hand as Warlock began to request to see this phenomenon. “But that’s for another time. Why don’t you two make yourselves comfortable, I’ll go put the kettle on, and then we can have a proper discussion about everything.”

Aziraphale gazed at Warlock expectantly, his request not up for debate. Warlock, whose current thoughts were a jumble of eyes, Nanny, demon, angel, antichrist, sat back against the plush cushions without question. Crowley automatically sprawled out next to him, as if he'd been itching for a chance to get off his feet, taking up the remaining two-thirds of the couch. Aziraphale rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers. Suddenly, a well-worn reading chair appeared perfectly centered on the other side of the coffee table. Warlock jumped, his mouth falling open.

“How’d you do that?!” he eventually managed to say, and Aziraphale smiled back at him.

“Just a little miracle, my dear,” the angel replied. Before Warlock could question him further, Aziraphale walked back towards the kitchen, brushing his hand fondly over the boy’s hair as he passed. Warlock watched him until he disappeared from sight, then turned to the demon dramatically splayed out next to him.

“Can you do that, too?” Warlock asked, sitting up a little straighter. It felt strange to see his former caretaker like this, so loose and (sort of) relaxed, laying on the couch as if the demon hadn’t a care in the world.

“Miracles? ‘Course I can,” Crowley responded. He waved a hand lazily. “Mine would technically be considered demonic, but they’d turn out the same. It’s all about thinking how you want things to happen- if you believe something will turn out a certain way, then it will.”

“Huh,” was all Warlock could think to say, and the pair lapsed into silence. Eventually, Crowley sat up and put a tentative hand on the boy's shoulder.

“Listen, Warlock, I…” The demon faltered, words never coming that easily to him. His grip on Warlock's shoulder tightened, wishing he could transfer his thoughts through touch and avoid the whole talking about emotions thing. "I never wanted... We didn't want to leave you, especially in that empty house with your shitty parents-" Crowley cut himself off with a wince. All the feelings about leaving the kid behind that he’d made a point not to acknowledge were bubbling at the surface of his mind; it was hard to sort out what he should and shouldn't say.

"No, you're right; they're really shitty," Warlock agreed. "They've gotten a little nicer, I guess, but we hardly see each other anymore so... I dunno." He shrugged, then glanced at his shoulder, where the demon's hand still rested. Crowley moved to take it away, but Warlock slapped his own hand on top of it, startling them both. "Sorry! Sorry, I just..."

"There's no need to apologize," Crowley said, voice automatically slipping into a soothing tone that brought Warlock right back to his childhood. Regardless of how the demon looked now, he'd still been Warlock's caretaker for eleven years, and that had quite the lasting effect. To Warlock's dismay, he felt his eyes beginning to water again.

"Oh, for Satan's sake- come here," Crowley responded instantly, using the hand on Warlock's shoulder to pull the boy into another hug. To Warlock's credit, he kept his tears at bay this time, though his grip around the demon was even tighter than before. Crowley returned the pressure, silently resting his chin atop Warlock's head as the boy buried his face in his shirt again.

Crowley was, by nature, not the biggest fan of physical affection. But in the Dowling household, the fact Nanny Ashtoreth filled a much bigger parental role than initially intended had a permanent effect on both Crowley and Warlock: the boy felt safest in his caretaker's arms, and Crowley secretly relished this fact. Usually, Warlock would come running for comfort when his parents had no time for the inquisitive questions of a child and shooed him away, and Crowley would be there to answer everything he could and encourage him to never stop asking about things. And, sometimes, Warlock simply needed to be held in silence- a strange thing for the demon to get used to at first, but over time it simply felt right.

And so it felt now, in the back of Aziraphale's bookshop, seven years after Armageddidn't. Crowley held Warlock close, not needing words to reassure the boy that, as he'd always said to soothe the boy's trembling nerves, everything would be alright. Aziraphale poked his head out from the back room, checking on the pair, and when Crowley met his partner's gaze, he was overcome with the sensation that yes, things really would be okay after all.

Aziraphale smiled and then ducked back into the kitchenette area to grab the tea. Soon after the angel disappeared, Warlock slowly unlocked his arms from their fierce grip around Crowley's waist and sat up straight.

"Feel better, hellspawn?" Crowley asked, raising an eyebrow and cracking a grin. Though his eyes were obscured by sunglasses, Warlock could feel the fondness from the demon's gaze.

"Yeah," the boy responded with a slightly embarrassed laugh. At that moment, Aziraphale reemerged carrying an ornate tray upon which rested three cups of tea and a plate full of assorted biscuits.

"You really shouldn't have, Angel," Crowley said, eyeing the teacup closest to him.

"Oh hush, dear; a hot cup of tea is good for the nerves," Aziraphale responded, demurely settling into the comfy armchair across from the couch. Warlock took a sip of tea and his face lit up.

"This is really good!" he exclaimed, reaching for a biscuit to nibble on. The angel was right- the warm cup in hands was grounding him firmly in the present and doing wonders for settling the remaining agitation in his mind.

"I'm so glad you enjoy it." Aziraphale beamed. "Now, I suppose we should start from the beginning... Many years ago-"

"Oh no, we're not starting from the beginning beginning!" Crowley interjected. "The kid doesn't have fifty years of his life to waste listening to a story."

"It does not take me fifty years to tell our history!" Aziraphale huffed. Crowley snickered, pleased with himself for ruffling some feathers, but quickly shrunk under the angel's glare.

"Anyway-" Aziraphale turned back to Warlock, his smile returning instantly. "I was going to start eighteen years ago, when the antichrist was born."

"Maybe I should take that part?" Crowley offered. "Seeing as I was the one who delivered him to the hospital and all?"

"Oh, yes, I suppose..."

"Right. So, eighteen years ago, the antichrist arrived on Earth, and-"

A high-pitched series of beeps interrupted Crowley's tale. The demon tilted his head questioningly as Warlock reached into his pocket and took out his phone- the newest and greatest model a rich politician could buy, of course.

"Ah, crap, sorry," he apologized, unlocking the phone and furiously beginning to type on the digital keypad. "My roommate's texting me, and I've gotta reply or he’ll just keep messaging me until I do; give me a sec."

"Roommate?" Aziraphale questioned, and Warlock nodded, still focused on the device in his hands.

"Yeah, my college roommate. I texted him when I got here and I guess he just got the message.” The phone’s keypad clicked a few more times and then Warlock locked the screen and slipped the phone back into his pocket, returning his attention to the supernatural beings in front of him. “Okay, sorry, keep going.”

“So, there’s this Great Plan, right?” Crowley said, making an all-encompassing gesture with his hands. “And as part of this Great Plan, there’s supposed to be a big war between Heaven and Hell, but that can’t happen unless Armageddon wipes out humanity, so-”

Warlock’s phone chimed again. The boy pulled it out of his pocket and automatically started typing. Aziraphale wrinkled his nose in annoyance.

“Warlock, dear, this is very important, and I think you ought to pay attention,” the angel suggested firmly.

“Sorry, I’m really interested, I promise!” Warlock replied, still typing. “I just promised my roommate I’d fill him in on the bookshop once I got here- he's actually the one that helped me figure out how to find it." Warlock glanced up for a moment to flash a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I'm not saying anything about you two, even though he'd would believe it. He's into all that supernatural, witchy stuff."

Aziraphale frowned. "I thought you said you found the shop through the internet."

"Well yeah," Warlock replied, refocusing on the phone to finish his message. "I found all the info and stuff online, but Adam gave me more detailed directions than Google Maps; he said he'd been here before, which is how he knew I'd like it. Obviously, he didn't know that my old gardener owned it, right?" Warlock snorted at the impossible coincidence, finally sending the reply and locking his phone again. He looked back up to find Aziraphale and Crowley staring at him with slack-jawed expressions of utter shock. Aziraphale's teacup was tilted at an obscure angle, though the liquid miraculously remained inside.

"Your roommate's name is Adam?" Aziraphale asked quietly. Warlock nodded, eyebrows creased in concern.

"Yeah; do you actually remember him?! Oh my god, he'd probably freak out if I told him; he seemed really into this place."

"What's his last name?" Crowley questioned, although it sounded as if he already knew the answer. Warlock tilted his head, even more confused, and responded:

"Young. His name’s Adam Young. Why?"

***

Read Part 1.

Read Part 2. (You are here.)

Read Part 3.

#good omens #fanfic #fanfiction #warlock dowling #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #found family #reunion #serendipity #ao3 #phantomhivemast3r #midna3452

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aha-my-villainous-thoughts · 4 years

Text

Please, keep me. (Good Omens)

I’m already a day behind. I wrote half yesterday and the rest today, but I didn’t post but I guess it still counts?

Having more fun now anyway. I still need a title!!

Part 1. Part 2.

Part 3

This time when Crowley woke he was flat on his back and his eyes snapped open, consciousness coming back to him like a flash of cold water. He didn’t know what had triggered the sudden awareness of his physical self but he was sitting up and rubbing at his face before parts of him were aware he was even awake.

Something was different, but he didn’t know what. It wasn’t wrong per say, just irregular. He brushed his hands across his arms, a light shiver moving through the scattering of freckles on his skin.

He pushed the covering away and reached for his robes, tugging them on carelessly as he left his room. As he walked the echoes of chattering voices confirmed his worry - the bell had already tolled, marking the end of the Day to Dusk shift. He was going to be too late to see the Keeper.

He quickened his pace a little, gathering up the longer part of his robes as to avoid tripping on them. Climbing the stairs upwards he kept his head down and moved upwards again, avoiding catching the attention of any of the Day shift already seated at the tables. Hiding behind a pillar in the upper mezzanine he finally looked, quickly scanning the hall for a sight of the cream robes and white hair. The uncomfortable tightness that had formed in his chest upon waking grew in strength as his eyes kept flickering from group to group looking for the angel. He wasn’t there. Crowley kept searching but he wasn’t there.

A noise trapped itself in Crowley’s throat, a mixture of disappointment and worry. The heartbeat fluttering in his chest matching the repetition of thoughts circling in his mind. Maybe the Keeper had moved through the hall and gone below before Crowley had arrived? Maybe he was tucked away in a different part of the hall and Crowley had simply missed him? Maybe he was late leaving his duties? All of these were sensible assumptions to make, but something niggled at him. A distracting little voice that refused to go away. What if he was in trouble somehow? Lost, maybe? Hurt? The library was enormous and there weren’t many Keepers who tended it, maybe he was unable to call for any kind of help. Maybe he was scared.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he told himself out loud in an attempt to quell the irrational thought. He turned away from the ledge, running one hand through uncombed red hair.

“He’s an angel, not some helpless creature,” he muttered. He looked up at the mural in front of him, his eyes meeting the gaze of an animal with large hazel eyes and a large golden mane of hair surrounding its peaceful face.

“He’s probably fine,” Crowley told the beast. The animal didn’t move, didn’t speak, but its eyes stayed connected to Crowley’s as if to make a point. Crowley made another frustrated noise in his throat, sighing heavily and brushing back his hair once again.

“Ok. Ok, I’ll check. But he’ll be fine.”

Mind made up Crowley turned back towards the grand hall. He would have to be subtle, to avoid any questions. Whilst his shift was coming up soon, it wouldn’t be easy to explain why a Starmaker was going down a set of stairs made for Keepers. Not without further questions possibly revealing more than he would want to address.

He moved easily to the far end of the hall along the mezzanine, descending the staircase closest to the doorway to the western doorway of Paradise. He emerged in shadow, glancing to the occupants of the nearest tables to see if anyone noticed him but thankfully they didn’t, and he quickly slipped into the doorway and away.

He had heard of the great library, like he had heard of all of the places in Paradise open to angels, but he had never visited it. Curiosity was not a virtue encouraged in angels, and, whilst Crowley had snuck his way into multiple studios and green houses, he had never ventured any closer to the Keeper and his charge than he dared in the great hall.

What would he even say if he saw the little angel? What if the angel was in a situation that actually required Crowley to intervene? Actually speak to him, maybe even touch him. To have those eyes aimed solely at himself.

Crowley stopped walking, a sudden urge to disappear rising up in him.

“Coward,” he muttered to himself, trying to shake the flare of panic in his chest. He moved forward again, keeping to the side of the corridor and trailing one finger along the wall to keep himself grounded. The corridors here narrowed and became darker, stone giving way to panelled wood and shelves. The shelves seemed to go up further than Crowley could see as they ascended into shadows, and the odd glow of light always seemed to be just out of reach around each twist and turn of the bookshelves. As he moved deeper the library seemed to get darker and quieter, small glowing lights held in suspension above him giving an odd eerie glow to the path. The books were innumerable, filling every single nook and cranny of space. Crowley stopped to run his finger along the spines, noting words on faded paper with gold picking out letters. Some in languages he recognised, others in new ones he had yet to learn. There were illustrations on some of them, curling leaves or filigree. Others were bound in heavy leather and only bore numerals in dark stained letters. There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to their positions on the shelves, at least not one Crowley could fathom. He pulled one free, a narrow book with a red leather cover and parchment yellowing with age. It trailed through the dust on the shelf as he eased it free, and the spine creaked gently as he opened it.

He turned the first page over, reading the name of the book and the author but they didn’t mean anything to him. Thumbing further into the book he glanced over the delicate drawing of a small child holding the hand of a little pot-bellied animal of some kind.

‘Christopher Robin was sitting outside his door, putting on his Big Boots. As soon as he saw the Big Boots, Pooh knew that an Adventure was going to happen’

Crowley read the words out loud to himself, having no idea what a Pooh was, or indeed a Christopher, but he had heard of a robin when overhearing a Maker in the grand hall. He turned another page and a piece of paper slipped free, sliding out for him to catch. It was a bit of parchment, not originally from the book but added as a kind of bookmark, with words written in scrawling black ink.

As soon as I saw you I knew an adventure was going to happen.

Crowley hesitated, holding the book in one hand and the little scrap of paper in the other. Something in him said he should keep it. He had never taken anything before. He carefully closed the book and slid it back into place, and then folded the paper and put it into his pocket. He decided not to think about it too hard, instead pushing on in search of the little Keeper.

The library was enormous, and endless somehow. It would be very easy to get lost, as the shelves branched out and took many twists and turns, forming crossroads and dead ends and row after row after row of books. It was so quiet. Not peaceful, not serene like the stars could be, but silent. It was more of a studied silence, like something sleeping and unaware of its existence. So far he hadn’t seen any signs of the Keeper, or any Keeper for that fact. No footprints or disturbed dust on the shelves, no rustling of robes or wings.

Crowley’s apprehension grew, he considered calling out but that was not going to happen.

Eventually, after what seemed like an hour of walking and turning and picking directions of nothing more than a hunch, he heard something ahead of him. He slowed to soften his footsteps, and peeked around the curve of the shelves.

The little Keeper was sitting on the floor of the library, his cream (and very dusty) robes forming a puddle over his feet. His wings were visible, one stretched along the row of books at his back and bending primaries against the row of leather books he rested up against. The other was cast across his lap like a blanket, feathers spanning in a graceful arch. Somehow he had managed to get his feathers dusty as well, the white feathers speckled with grey. The Keeper was engrossed. His head rested against the bookshelf holding his wing and he held a book in one hand, the other propping his head up in an attentive manner. In a small untidy pile in front of him there were more books, some with more bookmarks visible in-between the pages.

Crowley didn’t dare to breath, not that he particularly had to. Now that he was frozen in place looking at the Keeper he was suddenly exceptionally aware of where his feet were, the rustle of his blue robes against the bookshelves, the thudding inside his chest. He cautiously repositioned himself away, drawing back from the edge of the bookshelf.

Now that he was here, he cursed himself for doing before thinking. What exactly was he planning to do now? The angel clearly wasn’t in any trouble, foolish fantasties of saving him immediately banished until dreamt up again later in private. Crowley’s ear pricked as around the corner he heard a page being turned in the silence of the library. There was a soft sigh as the angel continued to read, and Crowley closed his eyes and internally cursed himself. He wanted to watch the little Keeper sigh, wanted to see that soft expression of rapt attention as he devoured line after line of the words. Now that he was he here, finally, what was he going to do?

Another noise behind the edge and Crowley bit his lip, indecision and curiosity warring inside of him to dare a little deeper, to look again. Despite everything, he edged forward gently, pressed up against the edge of the wooden bookcase and peering around the turn once again.

The angel was smiling at the book now, his hand loosely curled in front of his face in pleasure as something described obvious enthralled him. He made the noise again - almost a whimper of pleasure, and his expression titled sweetly, his eyebrows lifting in an imploring gesture.

“Oh!” he sighed, shoulders releasing in a wave of emotion. Crowley’s heart juddered painfully inside of him, seeing this outpouring of emotion. If such sweet emotion could be given over for just a book, apparently quite a good one, then how free and giving would this Keeper be for a fellow angel? A friend, perhaps. The concept of those soft eyes and little pleased whimpers were almost too much for Crowley to contemplate.

“Oh yes, finally,” he told the book quietly, a heaving sigh accompanying the praise, as if the book had just performed an action on request. Crowley knew then he was done for. No angel had ever spoken so softly and sweetly as the little Keeper had, the tone of his voice was so pleasing that Crowley knew he would never want to hear anyone else’s spoken to him unless it was this angel and this angel alone. To be worth the attention of that pleasure, to be given praise by that voice.

It was altogether too much.

Of course now was the moment that spoilt the moment for Crowley. The solemn chiming of the Dusk to Dawn bell rang through the library, sounding distantly muffled by the thousands of books but still unmistakable. The angel must have missed - or ignored - the call to end his day and now the evening was catching up with him. Crowley had pulled back as soon as the sound rang out, a jolt of surprise pulling him abruptly from his thoughts. He heard the angel gasp a little and suddenly a flurry of movement. Wings were rustled into appropriate places, trailing through dust and a fluffing of feathers. Robes rustled as the Keeper quickly got up, a mild noise of discomfort as he pulled his limbs from their position on the floor upright. The angel quickly put his latest book down and gathered the pile close to him, muttering under his breath. Crowley couldn’t hear what he was saying over the thudding in his ears, but very soon he heard the angel’s footsteps hurrying away in the opposite direction.

Crowley waited another moment before peering once more, confirming that the space that had previously been host to an angel was now vacant. Only a disturbance in the dust of the shelves and a scrap of paper dropped from the pile of books he had taken with him remained. Crowley moved further out into the row, listening carefully incase the angel came back and quickly leaned to pick up the scrap of paper.

More words, carefully written in ink.

I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.

Crowley smiled at the words and quickly retreated back into his hiding spot, although it really wasn’t much of a hiding spot now he was standing in another walkway of the library with no one to hide from.

He listened carefully again for the little Keeper to return, but heard nothing. To stay would yield nothing, and there was the risk that he may be discovered and that would inevitably lead to questions, which required answers and, even worse, explanations. Still unable to piece together a sensible thought outside of soft ‘Oh!’ from the angel, he pocketed the scrap of paper and slipped away, back the way he had come.

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cynthiaandsamus · 5 years

Text

Game Blondes Crystal Clear Nuzlocke Part 2: A Shining Chance!

“Hey I’m blonde!”

“…I’m also blonde.”

“AND WE’RE THE GAME BLONDES!!”

(Game Blondes Logo by @game-overture)

“Welcome back! So last time on Game Blondes we started our freeroam Crystal Clear Nuzlocke, our rat died in our first battle but we got a lot of other pokemon to replace it, fought a dude with a Shiny Ponyta and made our way halfway across Johto to fuck around. Now we’re gonna go check out Goldenrod since the dude with the Ponyta mentioned it and see if we can start nailing down some badges.”

“Okay so just a note about this game, seems like the trainer battles scale to your badges but the wild pokemon stay around the level they would be… considering the Hoothoot and Psyduck you caught last episode were in the early teens and you still have zero badges.” Cynthia pondered.

“So technically I could just run into a field way down the line and catch something super powerful and ram through the whole game?”

“Well theoretically, as long as you could manage to catch it and manage to live with yourself for cheesing the game that represents my life’s work and career.”

“…fine, fine. Spoilsport…” Samus huffed. “Anyway, I’m making my way down from Ecruteak to Goldenrod, getting a few levels on Danny that Gastly from this guy with four Voltorbs that can’t even touch him. Gonna see if we can find that restaurant the DOOM guy mentioned and if not I’ll see if I can get a gym badge or something. Got a few levels on everyone from all the trainers on this route and got the TM for Rollout, that’s a fun move.”

“You won’t think so later…” Cynthia snickered.

“Well we’re in Goldenrod… shit this is Whitney’s town!?”

“Yup, welcome to Rolloutville, population you.”

“Should we save this gym for last for the memes? I mean that’d be an epic final battle.”

“I’m game, anything to put off going against that crazy cow lady…” Samus grumbled as she searched the town. “Well the train’s here so I can get to Saffron and Kanto, it’d be funny if I got Sabrina for my first badge, bet it’d piss her off to get beaten by a level 10 Gastly.” She chuckled.

“I wouldn’t tease Sabrina too much, she can beat you up without touching you…”

“I’ll hold off on it for now if only because I already have a lot to explore that I’m skipping over and Saffron is ridiculously big. At least I got a bike to travel it a bit faster. Oh and an Eevee sitting on a table, lemme take that…”

“Hang on, lemme see that Eevee real quick…” Cynthia took the controls with a grin.

-10 Minutes Later-

“HOLY SHIT IT’S SHINY! How’d you do that!?” Samus gasped.

“Weren’t you paying attention to the tutorial? Shockslayer said Gift pokemon have a higher shiny rate and the game saves before you pick them up for soft resetting, so if you get a good rhymn down you can reset a lot real quick and get a shiny.”

“That is so cool! I love you Cynthia! I got a White Eevee!”

“This counts as part of your birthday present, I’m not helping you any further.”

“Fine fine.” Samus grinned, absolutely giddy with the white fluffball. “I’m gonna name you… Norman. Cause you’re Normal-type and a smart little white fluffball and we’ve been watching The Promised Neverland lately.”

“Hopefully that’s not an omen for this Nuzlocke…”

“Ah shit is this accidentally in bad taste?” Samus winced. “Well time to go Underground and explore some more of the shops and punch some of these trainers in the throat.”

“…no wonder the Pokemon League denied your application to become a trainer.”

“Well I got a coin case and it looks like this guy is blocking the path to the other hallway so I’ll leave him alone for now, I’ve been warned that some of these guys have huge teams that can wipe me out…”

“Yeah, I read there’s a level 100 Magikarp somewhere in Kanto’s early game, so be on the lookout for steamrollers…”

“Well since I got the Coin Case might as well check out the game corner…”

“Holy crap you can just buy a Master Ball if you have enough coins! And a Lucky Egg too! I definitely don’t have enough time for that but that’s really cool!”

“And you can get some pretty cool pokemon too… too bad you already have Eevee so you can’t get any more pokemon for this town…”

“That’s fine, I’m very content with my Shiny Eevee, lemme get some coins though…”

(Mun Note: Due to Standards and Practices we are not allowed to show Samus gambling in case you’re in a country that hates it)

-One Gambling Montage Later-

“Well I doubled my coins and officially hate gambling, so let’s go check out the Department store, I’m sure there’s some cool stuff there, only got that, the Radio Tower and the gym left so almost time to be on our way.”

“Yay! Shopping spree!”

“Oh sweet, here’s the Tradeback NPC, he can evolve my guys, I’ll have to keep that in mind when I get an Upgrade for Porygon.”

“Well there it is, you just need more money…”

“Well I’ll save up and come back, I’ll let Polly stay as she is for now, can’t have my baby growing up too fast. We don’t even have a single badge yet.”

“Damn that’s right, we’ve just been derping around for an episode and a half…”

“Well we found a bunch of TMs at the shop here, keep those in mind, damn I really am broke… Just gonna stock up on balls, check the radio tower and get out of here before Whitney crushes me for dawdling in her town…”

“Oh wow, an Event Move Tutor, you can learn all those weird moves they give out at events, give it a try and get your pokemon some broken moves~” Cynthia giggled.

“Well Polly learned Barrier, Norman learned Growth and Hooters learned Night Shade, so that’s all cool.” Samus grinned. “Got me some custom pokemon~ Making my way up the tower got a point for the Password radio game thing, got a Sunny Day TM and a Pink Bow, that’s perfect for Polly, now she can feel even more like a girl and power up her Normal-type moves.”

“Your Trans Porygon is really cute.”

“Give the Amulet Coin Polly was holding to Norman now and at the top of the tower is this CHAOS guy who says he’s the new director of the station and wants to battle… here goes nothing I guess.”

“He… just has a level four Delibird… that’s not very intimidating for a custom trainer for this mod.”

“You have literally no badges and have been picking up pokemon left and right, feel like you’re a bit OP for this early in the game…” Cynthia sighed.

“Well he has a Cleffa too and I got some good money from it, guess that was worth it. And I got a Nugget, so guess that was just a money pitstop. Well that’s it for Goldenrod, couldn’t find the restaurant but time to go to the next route and catch a new pokemon…”

-A bunch of pokemon Samus has already caught later-

“Oh wow a Ditto! And right next to the Daycare too! Guess I know what this guy was there for…” Cynthia chuckled.

“FUCK it took like all my balls but I got it… why did I want this thing again?”

“Breeding?”

“Breeding!? This is a children’s game I’m not gonna make my monsters have sex, what kind of sick fucks are you trainers?”

“Well you have it now so that’s good.”

“I’ll name it “Brothel” …for obvious reasons. I really need to get some badges so these trainers stop having level like six pokemon.”

“Then pick a gym already.”

“Fine, next town we go to I’ll fight the gym there. Just getting through this forest and catching this Oddish (nicknamed Oddball). Got the Headbutt TM so I can punch trees like this is Minecraft.”

“Ahhh a Dark Souls reference last time and Minecraft now, soon we’ll be a regular mainstream Let’s Play streamer.”

“Awww man, Bulbasaur pops up here! We could’ve caught the mun if they showed up first!”

(Sad Bulbamun noises)

“This girl says Kurt knows about the Forest Guardian, so better head into town to see what that’s about… oh neat, I don’t have to wait to get Apricorn balls, this guy in Kurt’s house sells them for money.”

“And Kurt passed you off onto Professor Oak about the Forest Guardian thing… sounds like a fetch quest to me…” Cynthia sighed.

“Might as well squash some bugs for my first gym, I mean Bugs seem like a fitting start to me.”

“I mean Bug-types aren’t the most powerful but Bugsy does the best with what he can…”

“Alright Hooters, you’re a bird, you’re in charge of the bug squishing duty.”

“Well he’s got a Scyther at least, that’s cool, but he’s still no match for Hooters!”

“Wow that was quick, you and your boob-themed owl are unstoppable.”

“Well he did poison Hooters and get her down a bit, so if I’m not careful she could faint on the way back to the gym, but I did get my first badge so hopefully stuff gets more challenging from here~ One badge down, seven to go.”

“Fifteen.”

“…what?”

“Crystal Clear has both Kanto and Johto gyms in it, there are sixteen badges, you have fifteen left.”

“…well shit, I better get cracking…”

“Looks like you got a call from the Pokemon League too, they say if you’re in Johto to visit Sprout Tower to get something cool, a “FLASHy” reward… subtle and to go pay your respects in Ilex Forest, that’s probably to do with the sidequest we stumbled on earlier.”

“Well I’m starting to move up in the world, they gotta start recognizing me! Well might as well go down to this Slowpoke Well and catch something. Ooooh there’s breakable rocks here, I’ll teach Dudette Rock Smash and break one to see if I find something cool~

“OH FUCKLE, A SHUCKLE!”

“CRAP! I killed it, it gave me an Encore so I couldn’t get out of the loop… ugh, oh well, guess there’s no use crying over spilled Shuckle. Guess that’s all I can do in the Well without Strength for now… Might as well work my way back up to Violet Town and go to Sprout Tower like the League said, even if I don’t want to go in order, getting that reward would probably be good and get me some more pokemon along the way.”

“Well you killed that Zubat too, so no new pokemon on this route either.”

“WHY DOES EVERYTHING I TOUCH DIE!?”

“At least you caught that Whooper (named Whoop) in Union Cave.”

“Well Whoop de doo. A few battles later and I’m back in Violet City. I didn’t wanna do these gyms in order but I guess doing Flying-types second would be fine since I’m here anyway and have the pokemon for it…I need to get more badges to increase trainer levels so I’m not too OP right away.”

“Dudette, you’re in charge, kill these birds with one stone.”

“Well you’re the same level so I guess you’re not too overleveled, you just have a serious type advantage.” Cynthia sighed.

“Well took down his Pidgey but damn, wasn’t expecting Pidgeotto to have Mud Slap, Dudette’s in the red and her accuracy has gone to shit, better switch out. Do your best Poly! Alright! Two Psybeams and Pidgeotto is down~”

“Another badge and another call from the Pokemon League.”

“This time a warning about not watering wiggling trees, so you can probably get the watering can from that girl we saw in Goldenrod, plus a message about getting Cut from the Charcoal guy in Azalea Town and a note that Professor Elm is very generous so we should probably go back to him too.”

“Okay so we’re doing pretty good for this little neck of Johto, lemme make a list real quick of our goals.

1. Go up Sprout Tower and get the reward

2. Go back to Professor Elm and get a reward

3. Get Cut from the Charcoal dude

4. Squirt Trees

5. Talk to Professor Oak about Ilex Forest shit

6. ???

7. Profit

“Sounds about right to me, looks like we have a lot to do… NEXT TIME ON GAME BLONDES!”

Samus’s Journey So Far:

(Color-coding the path by episode for now, may or may not continue to do this depending on if it’s a pain in the ass when it starts getting bigger)

Samus’s Current Team:

#Game Blondes #Pokemon #Crystal Clear #Let's Play #Pokemon Crystal Clear

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

Text

13x01 Watching Notes

The common pronunciation around these parts for “Nougat” is "Nugget" FYI

There's a secondary mission here to find out WHY DID DABB TWEET "BUTT SHAKE"?

Expectations: I'd say a good 95% new plot action nonsense to 5% mourning and we've seen all of it in fragments because they're spoiling the good stuff to lure us in; we're doing well as a season if Asmodeus isn't horrifically hammy and looks like he'll be able to carry all the Buckleming episodes they'll surely shove him in, and Jack is either not a pillock or is clearly *supposed* to be a pillock and the writing reassures us of that, although I did start to warm up to him in those tiny glimpses of promo stuff so we might be good there.

Aside from that I'm so superbly chill about this season (not worried about Cas, assuming Mary needs to get back as well, I'm just going on trust that Michael is well cast based on the actor's fanbase after scrolling his twitter the other day and the fact he seems cool in the promo stuff in a way that does not make me nervous unlike the other 2 new characters, and like no preconceptions about what I need this season to be) that I've actually achieved what scientists may have thought was unpossible... I made it through an entire hiatus embedded in the heart of a wanky fandom and I don't really have strong opinions or needs for about what's to come :P

FUCK ME UP, DABB.

OH THE TITLE CARD IS GOING TO BE GOOD THIS YEAR

I say after just seeing "the road so far" because that looks classic. I can't remember which other season it most looks like because I'm way too hype but it looks good.

Gah I have the Worst Song Comprehension in the entire world WHAT IS THIS? There's just a montage of TFW hugs of various types going on and

"I never opened myself this way" and Dean in 12x22 opening up Mary and then the FREAKING GRENADE LAUNCHER MOMENT okay so the recap definitely is telling us the meta theme of season 12 in case we missed is so we're all on the same footing for season 13. This family loves each other a lot and we're busting down walls.

I watched the rest of the "road so far" then said out loud, "No. NO." as it wound up nursery first, because "no" are they not even going to show - OH SHIT IT'S THE SAME VIDEO AS THE ONE IN THE SUMMER. NO. We're ending this thing on dead Cas and Dean.

If this is how they mean to play it, I think I wanna take back that "fuck me up Dabb" from the previous point.

OH NO I got tagged in a post like this last week about the bit in 8x19 where Sam goes into Hell and there's the woman there in one of the cages who is like "we've been waiting so long! You finally came!" and like... did I think she meant she was mistaking Sam for Lucifer, and I always think YES that is a GREAT reading for that scene and fuuuuuuck me I should have reblogged that post and gone looking for links to some of the other cool posts about that because that's like one of the small redeeming things about 8x19 to me, because that is just such a good creepy amazing Sam thing and also I am still so freakin bitter that Lucifer was Nick in the cage because he should have looked like Sam and 11x09 and 11x10 should have been Sam v Lucifer!Sam moments because where the FUCK did Nick come from...

Anyway you can probably guess exactly how far I've got into this episode aka 1 entire one word line but it's already completely fucked me up.

If you all don't remember my season 12 experience, yes I am the biggest Destiel shipper on the planet but I actually get super hype for good Sam plot stuff and I dug every moment of the season 12 Sam stuff about his powers and everything and this is a confrontation that *I* personally think was built up and due because of the evolving way it's going - they confronted his past, the parts he had no control over happening to him in season 12, and I surmised that season 13 ought to be about the parts that WERE in his control, and Sam coming to terms with some other old mytharc stuff that happened to him, the way he managed to fuck up the world on a cosmic scale that Jack will have to come to relate to and he can use to guide Jack...

So yeah, this is not the first time this has happened to Sam, but this is definitely the much much better, more potent way it's happened and I am DELIGHTED and we're 1 word into the season :D

*Dean stares at Cas* *stares at Cas* *stares at Cas* Yep I need to go shoot something.

YEAH GIANT FLOATING EYEBALL TITLE CARD I KNEW IT.

Sauron is the big bad, but where is the one ring.

More seriously fuck yeah that gives complete continuity between my watching notes from 12x23 to this one because I am pretty sure I stopped them (aside from final whimpering notes to wrap up) thinking about Sam and Jack with yellow eyes and how this all looped back to the start. And how that was the key visual imagery, the way that Jack had yellow eyes and Sam's whole legacy of that stuff - things I've been screaming about since 12x12 and how it all came back into the story. I mean the scream I made in 12x12 when Ramiel flashed his eyes is a noise I've sort of low-key been making right until this point and I'm just so delighted about this imagery being given such a central place because it's not JUST Jack's eyes, even though he obviously has the most terrifying yellow fire floating around in his eyeballs, the colour is a motif that takes us right back to the beginning in terms of the story...

HECK YEAH MARY -

wait

this isn't a recap going to a Mary scene

LOL SUBTLE DABB

This nursery, as we were saying after season 12 ended, is just *soaked* in the vibes of the original nursery from the show... I kinda think the bad energy in that place would probably have given Dean that nightmare ANYWAY but it's symbolically super relatable to everything that's going on, especially as he's got to deal with re-losing Mary, and Sam's dealing with the massive heap of themes about trauma from the Pilot onwards...

I'm sort of vibing with 6x01 re-doing the burning on the ceiling thing to re-start from the start (8x01 also re-started from the start but borrowed different imagery and also addressed Sam's arc through the Trials stuff hence the 8x19 thing and also him talking about how pure he was in 8x21) - obviously we have been saying this all seems like a season 1 re-do in a weird way, especially taking the Winchesters back to basics (but in an awful way), and I think for Sam, just meeting Jack under those circumstances we ended the season on were enough to loop him back to the start, because baby in nursery and yellow eyes blah blah, but for Dean his trauma in the Pilot was Mary specifically (and 1x01 separated out him and Sam that his trauma was Mary, Sam's was Jess - which 8x01 borrowed for Kevin and his girlfriend, because Kevin was always a Sam mirror and had glowing golden god power eyes when he was activated in 7x21)...

So yeah Dean just got a top up of Mary trauma because the fucking WEATHER around here is pilot mirrors.

I would assume also probably maybe that was a semi-magical nightmare but I would not fucking put it past them to just show us Dean having a bunch of nightmares and like 7x05 maybe where he woke up from a dead Cas dream, we get stuff like that to show his absolutely wrecked mental state so I'll hold out hope it was kind of just Dean's imagination tormenting him, because we've only seen his nightmares extremely rarely in the absolute worst situations.

Just as a "the show is about more than sam and dean" stance, fuck the shipping, it needs to be so obvious on screen that Dean is suffering from losing Mary AND Cas in a way where it's obvious the dynamic can not just be Sam and Dean any more.

OH NO SEAGULLS

(Uh, I mean, they are by a big lake, but yeah they are a bad bad omen. I think there was meta about them circa 10x14, to give an idea of how bad hearing seagulls is.)

Wow Sam and Dean are having a lot of bad sleeps now.

"Wait, was that -" "Lucifer's son." look, Sam knows how Jack started his life. That he has the concept of "father". That it's about all he's said and all he's motivated by right now apparently. Sam sounds pretty freaked out and putting a LOT of weight on that concept - not "Kelly's son" or "the nephilim" - the fact Jack was born, and asked about Lucifer, and then walked buck naked out of the room and now we ain't got jack on Jack, like... This is a Lucifer related PROBLEM.

I just say, because I am pretty sure Sam's gonna be defending the kid in a couple of minutes so I need to lay out all the thoughts on what Sam knows and his headspace I possibly can as I go.

Oh nooo Cas's truck.

And I tell you what, I wrote a meta after 12x23 about how it was impossible to work out where Cas's truck was parked in the entire final conflict, and there was no fucking WAY the Impala and the truck were within shot of each other. Well guess fucking what. They are easily contained within frame now. I know you could just say minor continuity error but that's not why I'm yelling :P

I'm yelling because I was writing about how the placement of their vehicles shows their closeness to each other or other metaphorical things (such as the no personal space parking job from 9x10 where Dean then pulled away and left the pimpmobile behind) and aside from the super dusty car, I am pretty sure I am saying that Cas's truck has appeared in visible shot because now it's not getting in the way of the action they can use it to symbolically show that Dean and Cas's vehicles are basically flanking the shot - but also they're so far apart and the house, representing Jack, and Kelly, and how Cas died, is between them.

(This meta business is like riding a bike :D)

Nakey Jack getting the same walk shot as Amara did.

Amara got it because creepy feet.

He's getting it because penis.

Hey there's the pirate place Dean's going to punch.

Holy shit I have never laughed so hard at the show in my entire life. I had a coughing fit that's scared the neighbour's dog.

(wait, good laugh - 10x15 still owes me a drink)

Salty Butt Combo sounds good anyway.

(this must be why Dabb said "butt shake", the fucker. The absolute fucker. I am going to kill him.)

I'm laughing on a meta level too (I mean, hysterically, out loud, but also meta) because especially in season 8 burgers were connected to humanity and Dean's return from Purgatory, and Dean has a history on the show of eating cheesebutts all the time for various reasons... I mean... This is liiiitterally turning Dean's favourite, metaphorically significant, food into butts.

I mean... do I just... run with it? I mean like... is this the new meta thing? We now have to associate Dean digging into a burger with eating ass? I mean what are you doing Dabb?

I actually have a headache now because I laughed too hard and too loud.

Please please tell me Jack comes into this place, accidentally kills these dudes, and leaves a trail of destruction that when their supervisor gets to the store to deal with it, the police are like... trying to deal with the bodies but also cracking up a little and finally she looks up and it's like... HIGH SEAS BUTT COMBO

I mean that's going to make it into the newspapers

Oh wait, the inventor of the Buttshake is the guy from the police station that was talking to Jack so he's going to at least make it out of this scene.

See, that picture of Jack with pants on was in the PR photos and I was like "naaah" and defended that Jack did not have pants on and people didn't believe - no one understood. I knew this was gonna happen and because I don't lay down too much spec and what good would "Jack wanders around buck naked for like the entire first quarter of the episode" have done anyway so I was just making fun of him for being fully grown and naked in the hope that the fact he was naked was a major character trait because it was one of like 2 we knew about him... Yeah I'm feeling vindicated on a crack spec I can't really prove, especially as I was joking that Sam shames him into manifesting pants but I mean... I knew. Guys, I knew.

This has gone from horror to stoner movie classic in about 2 minutes flat.

I fucking love this show.

ALL THE CREATIVE WAYS THEY HIDE JACK'S NAKEDNESS THOUGH.

I am gonna make a gifset if I can stop cry-laughing for long enough

"Hi baby! .... *How naked*?"

Yep.

I mean I think it's adorable that Jack wandered down to the nearest place with more people to make enquiries but this is also wigging me out a bit because I thought that the smart thing to do would be to give him like all the functioning knowledge for this world (I do remember a post going around Tumblr that babies learn like 6x Les Mis amounts of words in the womb) BUT start him from scratch but that it would be super hard to pull off, and essentially they've decided to do exactly what I thought was going to be the most intelligent handling of the situation but not exactly the easiest, and he seems to really have been born with a single motivation and the most basic understanding of the world that his little baby cosmic supercomputer brain is going to have to piece together the entire world from context cues and natural intellect to deal with the rest...

I'm all for it as long as they handle his progression well. And don't use him as the ... butt ... of the joke.

I assume we all know the butt thing was because Jack is naked and it was joking about the fact he's wandering about butt out but they can't show it so they're just like butt butt butt on the menu board instead.

Promo scene! Oh no! We're not thinking about it. Not over it from last night. Dean is piiiissed.

Sam saying he had it under control is interesting now we have seen the actual scene in question. Sam did not really have it under control. He was babbling uncertainly like, no I'm not your father and also btw that freaks me out because he HAS possessed me before and being mistaken for him is SUUUPER uncomfortable and he's the reason for like 100% of my trauma past and present, and you're freaking me out... And yeah, between scenes he's decided they can't hunt Jack, that even if he seems to be laser focused on finding his father there has to be hope for him. This context is important: That Sam knows Jack's motivation and what it MEANS on a deeply horribly personal level and is defending him anyway. (I mean that "anyway" in the context of what Sam might think or feel rather than from my perspective where I can see it all from space and obviously Jack is not just any of this and anyway he'll be hunting with them sooner or later and there's presumably hope for Jack in this world...) But yeah, Sam knows how it is, searching for your father, for one thing. Which, interestingly, costuming aside, I don't think there's been MAJOR John and Lucifer parallels (hilarious that Lucifer changed his clothes just in time) in the same way that like, God and John were paralleled at a major narrative level. But now Jack wants to find his dad, which is the season 1 motivation for Sam and Dean, and that makes Lucifer and John narratively paralleled.

I don't think Sam is necessarily defending that Jack came out the womb with a one track mind to find Lucifer (maybe he wants to kill him, we haven't asked the guy his opinion yet) but that of course he thinks Jack can be reasoned with, saved from himself, and Sam relates heavily to being given powers beyond your control, and that there's hope for Jack to have a normal-ish life etc. None of which can be accomplished by just killing him outright.

Dean's just mad because Cas is dead and none of this would have happened if not for Jack

There's literally NOTHING TO META over on the Destiel side of things

I am feeling the void that they just left Cas there while rushing out to deal with Jack but I guess he's such an urgent problem Cas can wait and the house is remote enough that the milkman isn't likely to come round and see Cas lying dead in the back garden.

"Before he hurts anyone else" - he barely hurt you guys, it's more like he banged you up a bit and it was obviously a terrifying display of power and you don't want him to do *even that* again but - I mean - Dean, honey.

those words are going to be my approach to him for a while I think :P

That sheriff car really pushing the Twin Peaks vibe just because of the mountains on it... Was comparing it last season... Watched Twin Peaks for the first time shortly before the finale and caught Dabb just outright stealing an entire line from one of its episodes.

Either the police station is super close or Jack has been unintentionally terrorising the guys in the pirate restaurant for like an hour while just staring at the sign. He's thinking really hard about ordering the salty butt combo.

So we're really pushing how creepy Jack is. I mean, duh, it's the first episode and the first like 5 minutes of his screen time so he'll smile scarily for us.

They definitely cast him well for looking like Kelly but also having a really evil looking smirk.

Oh no. Cas.

They said Dean put the sheet over him and he's indoors so I guess that scene just happened in between things although right now we have no context for that so unless the angels say they didn't move Cas inside and put a sheet over him we don't have anything but actor confirmation this was a thing that happened, which is, of course, meaningless currency but makes for good headcanons...

I mean I paused it on his dead face and went "waaaah" so I need to watch the rest of the scene but this is where I'm at going into it anywho.

Nope, one angel had to ask which means they are investigating the house which meeeeans that this was how Dean left Cas and it's implied by the subtext that this is what happened in one of those "the subtext isn't an ineffable cloud of possible happenstance, they just didn't show it on screen so this fills in the blank for us" ways and I am not okaaaaaaaaay

Also we have them as our straw man angels - one saying he deserved better (LOL I HOPE ALL THE CAS STANS ARE HAPPY THAT'S BEEN SAID IN THE STORY) and one who is saying he didn't. Representing that Heaven is conflicted about Cas's actions and that some still revered him and some still loathed him.

Also the one who hated Cas called Kelly a "Brood Mare" so he's a dick and I hope he gets stabbed pretty soon because we know there's angel stabbings in this episode, and I just was not paying any attention whatsoever to them in the spoilers.

So the clothes Jack ended up in were spares from the police station. The kid who worked at the pirate place has come along with them because fuck responsibility (he is so the bad influence cool guy and I hope Jack kinda gets a little puppy love crush on him although he's calling Jack weird still...)

That statement that no one is weird but normal in their own way was really nice though. Positive influences around Jack! Yeah!

Hahaha they literally said "Lost and Found" for where the clothes came from. Subtle. Jack's lost and found - he's a spare thing left behind, to be collected by the original owner or taken by someone who needs them more.

I used that phrase for a fic title back in season 12 about Mary about how she had been lost and found - died and came back - but also how she felt lost in the world now and then was found again when someone who related to her situation bonded with her and - okay it just turned into Charlie taking Mary back to her place and them making out but the point is that's the emotional tone I was using the title for. I assume it also applies to Jack's emotional state, but he hasn't been "found" yet and I'm assuming Sam will do that for him, but I don't think they'll go back to their place to play video games, drink a few beers and learn the ways of luuurve.

(I know some people were (crack?) shipping them but even though Jack's an adult now and technically only like... well, the actor would be within the window to have a thing with Sam and for it not to be weird age wise, but the whole framing of it... Jack acting like a grown up baby... yeah. We'll see how it goes but the dynamic wider fandom has built for them has been with Jack as a child. The way I see it is more the intern dynamic if he joins up with TFW, but the way they relate to him will have to be as a child by necessity at least until he's demonstrated emotional and intellectual maturity to them, and even then I think the impression will linger for a while...)

that was a weird side note... these notes are a disaster. Look it's been MONTHS and I didn't do rewatch notes for season 10 over hiatus like I meant so I am out of practice at this.

I also took a short break to chat with Mittens to confirm I wasn't going crazy, that WAS the same song as the other video they released in the hiatus, and yep we got the Nothing Else Matters destiel music video as the season opener. No I haven't processed it yet :D

Oh gosh Jack remembers his mom (HI KELLY, RIP) and he says she's in Heaven (can't recall his surname), and that memory was basically the footage from the USB stick, so he's internalised that somewhere without watching it. It's 2 influences, good and bad - a pure perfect dead mom (booo tropes the show was supposed to have ditched dramatically via Mary) and a literal satan father who "should have been there" but wasn't - ironically removed from the narrative by the reformed pure dead mom from last season, Mary. These are the two biological influences on him, anyway. The 2 sides of his nature he may struggle with and the way the conflict may be framed for him.

Buuut and here's a thing that might be contentious. So he knew Lucifer was supposed to be there when he was born and that he has to find him? He seems to have had that low level awareness of the world around him even in the womb, or at least was born with messages or some sort of communication from Lucifer lingering in his subconscious. Lucifer seemed linked to him while he was in the womb and I suppose this confirms it may have run both ways. Bleh.

The Jack As A Blank Slate characterisation is good because it excuses his actions from season 12 as done without knowing intent as he's still figuring it all out now, but these lines do implicate him in the actions, by giving him a sense of at least semi-awareness, of having a missive from before he was even born, knowing that he was supposed to find his father.

I think that also goes with Kelly leaving him the USB stick with the message on it - he has a missive from both his parents. Kelly's of course being so positive and hopeful for him, and Lucifer just kinda... being threatening to his goodness by wanting to be anywhere near him.

OH GOSH and he remembers burning Dagon. He did have an awareness of what was going on towards the end of the pregnancy!

"I remember the universe screamed" well that would be opening the AU I guess

yeah the thumbprinting thing isn't going to do much good :P Blank slate imagery again - he's not on the system, he's new!

Oh boy the stoner movie kid is going to have a wild ride explaining this.

Jack's getting better at full sentences though.

*blink blink*

And that was the Invention of Sarcasm.

Or he was telling the guy how stupid he was like... I have a superior intellect. I know this is a chair and this is a floor and this is the planet earth. Thank you, moronic human who keeps asking me the most obvious questions ever, it's really helping me collect my thoughts and begin to understand my environment. Are all humans as stupid as you?

Uhoh, the "I'm hungry" did not bode well with Amara. But is this going to be a fake out? He didn't seem about to attack the guy for his soul, so is he just going to have a whole ton of junk food when we get back and the guy is like yeah I knew he had the munchies so I raided my stash of M&Ms I keep here and it's all good.

I really can't tell how much of Jack's story is Ominous Nephilim Shit and how much is Stoner Bro Movie Lols

Here's the context about the curly butt fries line and destroying the world. People took it literally and it always seemed like this would be the context that Dean was putting fake words in Jack's mouth because he does it ALL the time. Like the line about getting bored of croquet so you know what's really fun? MURDER. I love it when he does this. I need to make him do it more when I write him.

Anyway Sam understands Jack, he can guess his location. Dean is doubtful and *specifically* mentions torching Chicago I think because of the 5x21 reference to his pizza date with Death. I think that is actually a good comparison because cosmic being but one who was a good ally in his own massive cosmic way. It's a nice omen. Dean is being wrong/right with his sarcasm. It's complicated :P

The fact he is letting Sam go in there also means he doesn't think that Jack is in there probably because the shack is still standing. Sam is going to go find clues! But while they're sitting in the car and Dean's sending Sam into a shack alone I can't help but remember 2x21 which was of course where Sam got snatched in a fast food shack and Dean asked for pie and it aaaaall began. I also wonder why Dean punches the sign and that makes me think that something might happen to Sam somehow although I can't guess how.

I have never related to anyone more than Drunk Fries Girl except I've done it in reverse, just missing the deadline on hashbrowns in McD's and stomping out of the store instead of just ordering fries :P

Sam deals with the awkwardness of asking for a tall naked guy with a level of composure Dean wouldn't manage in a million fucking years.

That's the entire meta.

You were right, Sam!

Sam's asking after Jack as the FBI and it's a way to not have him act as his father on the phone. But the thought occurred to me and I wonder if it passed Sam's mind or if he's judged Jack's age that they're not terribly far apart - less than 10 years.

I don't think they're really playing into this comparison right now anyway - like it was just for the opening scene, or the sheriff would have asked, "are you his father" and put Sam into the awkward position and THEN have him say that he's an agent.

This is literally the best exchange in the entire show because Sam is having to pretend to be FBI while talking about Jack, with Fries Girl and Over Enthusiastic Pirate Guy watching, and his eyes just went to the cheesebutt menu and he saw it and he did not laugh on the phone.

I think Sam is strong and brave and of pure heart and fuck the "trials" or whatever the fuck shows the measure of a man, he just passed through the fucking abyss and came out the other side because he didn't laugh at Cheesebutt.

And, look, I laughed at the cheesebutt thing and the way it reflects hiiiilariously on Dean and the burgers thing. We all laughed at it. But Sam just blinked off in short succession a gay accusation and the urge to laugh at cheesebutt like it didn't even fucking affect him and I am just

Dabb

what

At the end of 12x23 my only conclusion was "i have been mindfucked"

and I thought

maybe season 13 will be you know... normal

Dabb it has been 15 minutes and I am so fucked up about everything :P

And now we cut to Dean with his messed up knuckles. Did he just go punch something off-screen?

(You know, the pirate sign that he punched in the promo for a totally random out of nowhere example of punchable things in the vicinity)

I hope he's not coping so badly that we're getting it in angsty flashbacks because that blood was not there before. And angsty flashbacks basically mean Destiel is canon.

OH NO FRIES GIRL IS HERE.

The drunk are an open and friendly people... Is she going to get Dean to open up? She's literally infodumping her life story on him because she's been up all night and her feet hurt and no one will give her fries, and I think she's about to fucking put the moral of the season in Dean's head somehow I don't know yet because I have literally paused because I was contemplating removing the dash between me bitching at Dabb for the wonderful fucked up episode and this commentary on it :P

Yep she told him that she punched Becky's stupid Elsa poster (what is Dabb's deal with Elsa from Frozen? Does he have a small daughter we don't know about that inflicted Let It Go on him in a loop? :P) and lit all her stuff on fire and started rambling about just burning the world down in her rage.

And then called Dean sensitive to Sam and this is amazing because her drunk wisdom sees right through his shit. I love fries girl.

I LOVE Fries Girl, she wrote "bitch" on the car :D :D :D

was THIS why Baby is all dusty? People are writing rude words all over everything this episode. I mean it's like a theme. A theme of desecration and burning the world down around you and who gives a flying fuck about consequences - you can change all the menu items to Butt because your mom's the sheriff and banging the guy who owns the restaurant or whatever, and if your roommate is a bitch, burn down all her things.

I mean then she writes it on the car which is sort of ominous about all their stuff being burned up.

I mean Dean did have that dream about Mary

He's lost Cas, that's his world burning down around him.

It's... Look, it's weird they have put off whatever Dean did in the intervening time Sam was eyeing up the cheesebutt menu to show later because we know we see it later because there's a hanging "what happened to your knuckles" question and we saw the clip in the promo. It's a storytelling decision to delay this, and we just see Dean dealing with it by drinking, splashing some alcohol on the cuts, and that's that for now.

What a fucking mess. Dean. Honey.

I suppose to keep the action flowing we deal with Jack but Dean's emotional story is running alongside it and it's being put off, held back... but it's not being held back forever. It's going to be opened up to us. But for NOW we just see kinda what Sam and outsiders see - the same thing I was meta-ing about the promo scene, about how they kept us outside the car for that conversation, about how we're not being allowed into Dean's grief and not being able to name Cas is another thing, another delay, another inability to confront it, just... we're outside, we're watching Dean struggle from afar. From Drunk Fries Girl POV.

This episode is fucking magnificent.

Maybe Jack is eating Clark, which is the name apparently of the kid.

Or are they laughing?? I think I heard laughter?

LAUGHTER and the munchies fake out.

I love you Dabb.

This literally says EVERYTHING about Jack and I now trust him completely.

Jack's first part of the story has gone from ominous to what a fucking cutie. He might not actually be a stoner but he's adorably sort of mascot-y to this guy and it's just hilarious that he can be like fuck the system I want candy, let's misuse my powers to get more candy because I love nougat. I mean I was wrong that the world would be saved in 13x23 because of trousers because that was a joke but I am legit thinking that this Human Things redux arc for Jack is going to save us all because fucking nougat. And that's a serious spec you can hold me accountable for at the end of the season.

The fact they're sitting on the floor giggling together is just sweet. Jack is learning about friendship so I doubt he would hurt Clark intentionally now, so if Clark does get hurt by Jack it's going to be a tragedy. Maybe something to show Jack how dangerous his powers are and make him want to be more careful and respectful to human life. I think Clark maaay be in the firing line as an adorable toy that gets mangled because Jack doesn't know how rough he's playing >.>

Also Jack you should probably not eat so much candy, because you'll get sick.

OH NO JACK. Is angel radio messing with your head?

OH NO he hurt the sheriff!

OH NO this is how he does the lights blowing walk? IT's AWFUL. PROTECT MY CANDY LOVING GIANT MAN BABY.

SAM TASED HIM

I am so upset. I apparently am extremely protective of my Nougat and angel radio hurts him and they're yelling about him and want to kill him and he's sensitive too :<

(whatever wizardry Dabb wove with the stoner movie subplot worked.)

Sam and Dean are not hailed as heroes for stopping Nougat, they're arrested to and given the first ever proper search to confiscate all their guns and knives by a cop who knows what the fuck she is doing. Now Dean has to answer for themselves, using his real name and actual job. He's not got a fuck to give.

She asks him if he's a superhero and some part of Dean just crumbles away inside and he says no. In 9x07 especially there was a strong theme of Dean being a superhero and Thinman also had superhero comparisons to them and it was part of the shine of the job wearing off - one of the more subtly horrible Dean moments in season 9 is that superhero action figure melting on the hob yelling "I clobber evil!" into a horrifying mangled sound. I think I just saw his face convey the exact same symbolic awfulness just in his eyes. Fuck you Jensen.

Note to self: gif that if somehow or other someone else hasn't yet.

I mean it's all shattered because the illusion is gone, Dean has nothing left to live for, he's just a guy doing a job. There's no meaning, no personal glory, no one to do it FOR. He's just the tool that gets it done because it has to be done, because what fucking benefit does he get from any of it if the job is also just watching everyone he loves die. That doesn't make him feel like a superhero that makes him feel like total bleak nihilism where you might as well just be upfront and dead inside and tell the truth because what's even the point of lying.

This episode has a lot of nihilism but some of it is fun buttburger style and some is killing me inside :P

Also Dean had to confirm angels are real, and the look on his face when he does THAT is ALSO AWFUL. Because everything is awful.

All that baggage where confirming angels are real he knows what people think. He knows what HE thought. He knows how what he thought was different from what other people thought about angels (see: the entire conflict between him and Sam in 2x13) and what angels eventually became to him. That one angel WAS watching over him. That there was one who broke the pattern and was ... Cas.

Help.

I tell you what I thought while I was getting dinner... This is the first time I've felt like we're in a show run by the guy who helped create Plucky's.

This is the tone. This is the exact right mouthfeel for Dabb era. This is what it SHOULD be.

FINALLY the Sam and Jack confrontation we deserve!

Sam is getting through and chatting! Jack is talking about why he was scared which is nice and symbolic about sharing and caring feelings for better communication and understanding!

Sam's still scared of being in the same room as Jack, flinching when he moves, much like when he's around Lucifer. He's legit scared of a thing and Sam is the biggest badass hunter in the world (like, no offence Dean, you have an impressive and showy history but in terms of brute strength and raw badass mofo power it's Sam :P He's Sam Fucking Winchester and you have a much more personal, over-dramatic flair to the big kills and such)

Jack moves forward intently because he doesn't know that this much eagerness is a trait stamped out of adults, and sits cross-legged, childish, but still imposing. He's learned cross-legged is a fun way to sit and I'm really liking the choices here to make him both naive and powerful.

He's fucking sitting with the Mr Burns hands i knew it i knew this was going to be a trait of his, I called it from like 2 promo pics. God damn I'm good at reading body language from just a few stills :P He's exactly what I was expecting but in full 3D animation.

It's just... a cute weird trait. He doesn't know what to do with his hands so he just rests them where they are and lets them hang, because he doesn't have any tics or mannerisms. He's mannerismless. He's so new he hasn't got the faintest trace of social anxiety. This is a raw, undamaged soul.

I am going to weep when Nougat gets hurt in the bits that make him so sweet.

See now he's apologising for hurting people. He sounds so confused when he says "I'm sorry" like he's sounding out the concept but the great thing is he's learning 1000 miles an hour. Anna told Cas he doesn't know what it is to be sorry and Cas still struggled with it in season 7 in the "playing sorry" game and only in 9x11 expressed that he truly understood empathy and human emotion now. Jack tries on an emotion for size, discovers it, and now seems to be fairly earnest about it.

Sam: *blink blink*

Sam was RIGHT. <3

Hahahah he says Kelly is a part of him. Another point for me! That was one of my specs for how he got to learn English and concepts so fast - that the reason it's fatal to birth him is because he's going to not just absorb the basic baby stuff like nutrients and stuff but he's going to suck her dry of facts and concepts and that's what destroys her. It's like what Amara did but far more complex.

Damn, I'm sorry you had to die for this Kelly, this is a pretty terrible idea in some ways. I better not overthink it.

He just said that his powers are him but not him - he sees them as something other from himself. The whole deal that he needed to be born powers and all, that taking the grace was taking a part of him - yeah. The Cas argument about his grace too, that it can be removed from him and he'll still be Cas, the grace is just power... If Jack sees it as a separate part of himself, a "Not Me" part of himself... That's a huge thing.

Oh my fucking GOD He thinks Cas is his FATHER OH NO OH NO OH NO OOOH NOOO.

(Also thanks a LOT people reading along with me for not telling me. Look, the analysis about Sam thinking it was Lucifer and Dabb's BIG Nougat Fake Out build up were all like... how it was meant to be read :P I guess that's why they backed off the father thing for Sam immediately after using it in the one place it would hurt the most.)

I mean Cas did basically act as the co-parent with Kelly and I am pretty sure our Nougat has some lines crossed here and OH MY GOSH DABB YOU MAGNIFICENT FUCKER

See when I said they were making Jack look SUPER FUCKING CREEPY when he was naked at the drive in obviously that was a fake out because I knew he was gonna be hunting with them later but oh my fucking fuck de fuck I want to go back and watch Jack's bits all over again where he's wandering around naked (as Cas is wont to do) asking for his father because FUCK.

He's born as Cas and Kelly die and now he's wandering around asking for Cas and that whole opening, that whole build up where he seems sinister... He remembered Cas all along... Oh gosh I said some things about him back there... I should go back to that scene immediately.

...

I nearly cracked a fucking joke that Jack doesn't have a last name just like Cas and it turns out that scene was a joke about Jack not having a last name because Cas is his father and HE doesn't have a fucking last name.

I hate everything.

"I'm trying to find him. I have to find him" YEAH SO JACK IS ON THE "WHERE IS CAS" TEAM AND THERE'S ANGELS SAYING CAS DESERVED BETTER, I THINK DABB HAS BEEN READING THE BLOGS AGAIN.

Jack picked Cas to be there to be his parent and guide when Cas said that thing about being his guardian to show him the righteous path and Jack heard it from the womb and was like YES I CHOOSE YOU PIKACHU and that was that, Cas was his father now. Found family in the extreme. Who is the best family, the good family? I'll have that one please.

Oh gosh and now it's sadder that the sheriff was asking for a phone number or address because Cas HAS those. He has a HOME.

...

Anyway back to the Sam and Jack scene, which I already watched through but I want to watch AGAIN DAMMIT.

Gosh this is magnificent though because it puts Cas so squarely in the middle of everything - even though he's dead he's Jack's focus and he's Jack's moral centre and everything that is good about Cas is what Jack wants to beeeeeee and oh my gosh is he going to choose the Winchesters to be his new guardians because they were Cas's family? HELP ME.

I'm still kinda not over Jack completely becoming Kelly in the womb and being born by sucking her goodness out from the inside.

What a godawful parenting metaphor/commentary on the mother's sacrifice.

Oh and the door to the other world thing as the lead in to talking about his father? I was so sure it was going to be about Lucifer and then -

oh god I am in pain.

Because he diverts from talking about the portal to talking about needing to find his father to protect him and I was like A: well you need the portal for that and B: nooo, Nougat, you don't need that fucker in your life! and then -

oh.

Ow.

Anyway Sam's face while talking about Cas is just... ARGH. And Jack's so earnest and happy about Cas protecting him and how he had to grow up

And then poor Nougat's face when Sam tells him Cas is dead and he's SO ANGRY. And THAT, my dear Nougat, is how you get to the lovely position of being furiously vengeful against your birth father in order to avenge your chosen father and I am delighted.

Cas is Jack's Bobby.

OH NO Clark has gone out to smoke with headphones. He's so gonna get angel murdered if Jack's not gonna kill him (because he is a soft squishy nougat person) and then Jack's going to be even more hurt.

STOP HURTING JACK.

FRIES GIRL IS AN ANGEL.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING.

SAM, TELL DEAN ABOUT THE CAS'S SON THING.

HE SAID LUCIFER'S SON, THAT'S NOT HELPFUL.

I suppose Sam doesn't want to convey that to Dean because he knows how Dean is with concepts he hates because he's currently flippantly talking about killing "Damien" out back rather than engage with the subject matter, but tbh I think bringing up Cas would be such a knock to the feels that Sam might be able to get in the line that "this kid seems to have a Cas-guided morality" while Dean is still emotionally picking himself up.

AHAHAHA Dean said "that won't do jack against her" - he's still using "jack" as a phrase

Dean's Becky... what a surprise :P Maybe Fries Angel writing "Bitch" on the car wasn't subtle enough.

The angels find Dean an annoying roommate whose drama they're always having to deal with.

Mittens just reminded me I wept about 9x07 to her and the poor melting action figure and how the angels want to burn Dean down. I am not okaaaay.

OOOH we're getting angel radio now because Jack's our in!

I don't think their eyes normally light up to communicate with it but new season new rules and this must be a mechanic we're dealing with more than just this one example.

Poor Clark - Jack briefly had a friend, learned to sit cross legged and eat nougat from him, and now his friend who made him laugh is dead. It's a HARD LIFE being a Winchester.

Also the main Winchesters are getting smashed up

Wait Dean just got back up with STYLE. Nice fight

Hey Clark is still alive-ish... Maybe Jack can heal him.

OH NO BANISHING HURTS NOUGAT TOO.

That was some great quick thinking by Sam.

Guess walls affect it or Fries Angel was too far away.

Fries Angel needed to stick around to deliver some Destiel exposition that she knows Dean's first thought to "Jack can do anything" was not "I will use him to reopen that portal and get mom back" but "I will get him to resurrect my dead angel" and just immediately goes from that to crushing Dean about Cas's death

"Castiel, he's dead. All the way dead. Because of you."

That is.. the worst line

"Or what, Other One?" Jeeeze the angels really do have more of a beef with Dean about the whole Winchesters thing for some reason. That really means in a couple of lines of exposition that every time heaven has mocked Cas about The Winchesters they really have meant Dean... Just, you know.. remember who wrote the eeny meeny miney mo scene for a sec, back when he had to be subtle about Dean calling Cas but that just being a random happenstance to what the angels were talking about, essentially :P

Oh no she stabbed Nougat!

I assume he doesn't die because... you know.. spoilers.

He's got his own Cas-like pull the blade out moment, but... Wow.

HOLY SHIT SOMEONE SAID THE LINE "I'M FINE" ON THIS SHOW AND MEANT IT

IT IS A NEW ERA

NOUGAT IS THE HERALD OF BETTER TIMES

Poor guy is stunned and confused and a little hurt though.

Oh no Clark is fine but going to hospital. I mean I assume this means doctors will help him. His mom is telling him he'll be brave and so on.

Poor Nougat is so sad about how horrible this world is. Cas isn't here to protect him and Sam and Dean just did a moderately adequate job at fending off the angels while getting the shit kicked out of them because angels are scary and powerful again.

Sam tries to bring up the keeping Jack thing again and Dean's like yeah we can keep him but he's evil so I guess that means you clean up the mess a la taking a puppy home?

Dean's still convinced Jack is evil and brainwashed Kelly and Cas - it's kinda more terrifying that he BECAME Kelly and absorbed her, and I do think he chose Cas to be his father and none of it was malicious, and they gave him the love and promise of protection he needs to be good and all and it's a billion times more nuanced than Dean thinks... He's being protective of Cas, depressed about their life and their chances... I think he's going to be pretty wrong about Nougat because from 12x19 it was obvious he had chosen Cas BECAUSE Cas was good and would protect him. Even when he didn't think he could do it himself. So I think Jack, uh... motivated Cas... because he wanted him... Like, I still think Jack did shit to Cas because he did creepy shit to Kelly which we're apparently going to move on from because he is an adorable squishy guy who I want to follow with a blanket and a stick to beat off people who will wear him down. But yeah, 12x19 is super weird and I don't *like* the method Jack acquired his mom and dad, even if I do think that he's not evil and the end result seems extremely positive if he popped out the womb determined to find Cas, and has a Cas-centric morality. Loving Cas is obviously the good and best thing you can do on this show and it's vindicating in spades he's a nice guy because he loves Cas and considers him a father for the protection he offered.

(Still think if he was pure good to start with he'd have SAID "hey I plan to be born a full grown adult, you don't need these diapers" but that WAS what caused him to open the rift so maybe his attempt to warn Cas went astray... :P)

But yeah I still find Jack "choosing" Cas to be his father and to create that bond out of nothing, almost instantaneously, to be a little suspect in the happenstance of it, even if as I've been saying all along I have been completely open to him turning out to be, well... Nougat.

But Dean doesn't care, he wants to kill Jack. "At least the only people he can hurt there are you and me" WOW DEAN.

WWWWOOOOOOW.

OH NO OH NO OOOOH NOOOOOOOOO O OoOOOOooooOOOooo o Sam is saying "are you sure about this Dean? It's Cas" - I assume in reference to burning him rather than burying him and Dean's gonna be like, Fries Angel said he was dead as dead.

I don't wanna see it.

"You don't think I've tried that" OH NO

Here's the flashback! Told you it was coming! (You have all seen this episode no one is mad enough to wait 18 hours just to watch for the first time with my notes) But yeah as I was saying, sidelining Dean's emo stuff to focus on the action, to set it aside, to put us away from it, to keep it back for when it would hit most. To do some god damn STORYTELLING around here. Some fucking ardfgjhlsksdfhjklslhfdjqp storytelling. That when all the action is done, when Dean has been ground down into a fucking paste by this day, the day of having to come to terms with the loss of Cas, when we know he went off to have some private punching things time and Sam was being the least gay to possibly gay in the comic stoner movie side of the story, Dean was having a moment SO POWERFUL that it could ONLY be conveyed to us by not showing it happening until we were deeply, truly, in the context of Dean mourning Cas and where we could focus on that with nothing left to distract us that this is the Worst.

.... I have been sitting here not pressing play for over 10 minutes

OH NO

I have paused it immediately

because they used the camera angle from Baby

the Roadhouse one

and the one from the fight where Cas was on the phone

so uh

Add hysterical weeping to the things this show makes me do because I was one stoic snarky hahaha isn't this ridiculous Jack planned to adult all along so the diapers thing was a massive prank kinda person and then bam Dean went out back to pray and I was scream-crying and then he said Cas was his everything and I am never going to be chill again

Okay, Chuck… or god, or whatever. I need your help. See, you– you left us. You LEFT us. You went off. You said… You said the earth would be fine because it had me… and Sam, but it’s NOT, and we’re NOT.

We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back. Okay? You’re gonna bring back Cas, you’re gonna bring back Mom, you’re gonna bring ‘em all back. All of ‘em. Even Crowley.

’Cause after everything that you’ve done, you OWE us, you son of a bitch. So you get your ass down here and you make this right, right here and right now.

Please. Please help us.

Thanks Mittens.

So.

Uh.

First name basis with the guy upstairs: this is a personal appeal in case he ever actually cared. (Spoiler alert: I don't think Dean is going to come out of this with a better opinion of God)

*I* need your help. Not we, *I*. This is on Dean's behalf for Cas.

He brings up the line which we went into Dabb era on and I ripped to shreds critically at the time that Chuck ever put that burden onto Dean because he has some broad ass shoulders but they are not big enough for the world and his whole problem is he's always been carrying it in the first place so Chuck didn't do SHIT to make him feel better AND NOW DEAN IS CRITIQUING THE CARETAKERS OF THE EARTH IDEA. THAT IT SHOULD NOT BE HIS BURDEN. MAYBE NOT BECAUSE HE CAN'T DO IT BUT BECAUSE HE SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO DO IT. He was singled out as the firewall between light and dark but he doesn't feel like a superhero. He doesn't clobber evil. He's being STRIPPED DOWN AS A PERSON. WHO EVEN IS HE. WILL DEAN QUIT HUNTING? JESUS CHRIST, I SAID THAT LINE IN 11x23 WAS AWFUL FOR DEAN BUT I DIDN'T THINK DABB WAS GONNA GO *THERE*

And he says the world isn't fine - and they're not. Their emotional state reflects the world. The centre of the universe thing, in the storytelling, makes the world reflect Dean. His misery or happiness is on a cosmic scale. This tangledupness of him in the middle of it all is killing him because the world will be in danger and that can't all land on him. He can't be the Atlas of this world. But he is. OH how he is. But this isn't a world with superheroes. Just HUMAN GUYS DOING THEIR JOB.

And then the transition. The terms and conditions. The "you have given me a fucked up burden so pls unfuck it and here's how" swinging around from "everything" to "him". The implicitness of it all. The... The fact everyone knows it's about Cas. It's not about Mom. It's not about Crowley. He can say their names. He couldn't say that Cas was dead. Fries Angel immediately identified it. Cas is the answer to all the questions, where all roads lead. And they've come back to the house where he died, FOR Cas, and Sam asks about praying and Dean has already asked and got no answer, already been told Cas is permadead, and THIS is where we deliver the bombshell. Everything flows into "him".

Cas is Dean's everything.

And yeah he wants Mary back and fuck it fuck you God fuck everything just fucking include Crowley to because why the fuck not, you owe me. All that pointless stupid death and loss, it's enough to make me feel bad that Crowley is gone.

And oh the wank over the summer he would ask for Crowley back too (and I smacked the desk and hooted with laughter, with tears still in my eyes, reeling from the "everything" line because I called the way Dean would ask for him back. I knew it!), it just... Even Mary doesn't compare because she's tacked on in the repetition, the clarification that everything is him is Cas. And it's totally fine for Dean to ask for these others he's lost back, for them to be in the same sentence as Cas, because yes he lost them and it hurts and it's awful, but there is a very special awful reserved for Cas. The kind of awful where Sam has to pause and ask Dean if he's sure, if he doesn't want to find a way to bring him back. And we ALL know we're not supposed to bring people back because there's consequences. We're all adults in the room, they both have done it, seen and FELT the consequences for having it done TO them. But Sam knows. He just knows what happens when it's someone like Cas. And maybe we don't have any more bullshit, we just ask politely and carefully if this is going to be a "bring them back at any cost" situation, and how can I help?

And then at the end of the prayer Dean cracks out the exact look and angle of expression for his Plea To God face that he has used... once. In 5x14. When utterly at the end of his rope. This is what losing Cas has brought him to - the lowest point, the one back in season 5 that was a danger to the guardianship of the world lumped on Dean's shoulders, because it was where he was when he nearly said yes to Michael, the despair cycle he couldn't deny any more at the time... Yeah, this has kind of seen and waved at season 7 on the way to hurtling all the way back to the Worst Dean Has Ever Felt To Date.

Nice.

And Dean has given up all faith in God ever helping them or caring about them.

OH NO

NOUGAT

Sam has taken him to see his dead mom. :(

Time to grapple with the concept of loss.

*beeps her big toe*

Oh Nougat I truly feel bad for you now. Look at his big soft face. He consumed her to gain his life and powers and his intelligence and his GOODNESS and oh no that means he's gonna feel baaad about it.

But Dean is downstairs with Cas, alone. Can this episode get any fucking worse.

THOSE SERIES OF ACTIONS QUALIFY AS WORSE I AM WEEPING AGAIN.

Oh god Dean.

You should have told him.

You should have fucking told him.

Oh Nougat you... sweetie. He has no clue what to say. :(

Sam tells him to say thank you, because he devoured Kelly, and to say sorry.

Oh Sam, he's crying for Cas as well.

OH NO Dean's so defeated about Mary it's just... UGH.

I assume these are the first things he says today where he gets immediately proven wrong - I assume the last scene will be a hop across the universe lines.

"They're all gone"

This is simultaneously the best Sam stuff in 1000 miles of canon and the worst Dean episode ever and I am in agony.

Yep that billisecond of footage was completely right. Sam is sad, Jack, who we didn't see, is struggling sweetly with the concept of death and what it means and how to act and feel right now, and Dean... has checked the fuck out.

RUN, MARY

I LOVE HER.

FUCK YOU LUCIFER BTW

Ugh her face is like mine when he says he needs her. The shot looks like the fucking Titanic poster. I'm assuming they do not get very far before Michael gets involved, though.

I'm gonna go back to ugly-crying about the rest of this.

This is Dabb's best solo episode hands down. I laughed, I cried, I struggled with the complex philosophy of being human and if you should consume your mother from the inside out in order to be born as a full-grown man.

I think I'm keeping Nougat.

#13x01 #season 13 spoilers #I say fuck every 3 words #also fuck you dabb and your fucking nihilistic stoner comi-tragedy nightmare of a show #Dabb vs cars #my stuff

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