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wrongplacerighttime · 6 months

Text

right where you left me

hi!! this one was…..a lot. it’s heartbreaking and angsty and sad…however (!!!) has a happy ending and i had the BEST time writing it. i think i went through 8,000 emotions in the process.

tw: smut!!!, mentions of alcohol use, sad harry, sad fmc, post-break up, mentions death of parent(s), the very taboo subject of cheating (please if this is not something you're comfortable with don't read this. i write for me and others who like these things, however I apologize if it makes you uncomfortable, but i enjoyed writing this and I hope others do too!!), (as always lemme know if i missed any)

wc: ………..13k.......IM SORRY. I thought about splitting it up into two or three parts but couldn't find a good place to split it up. so instead you just get one loonnnngggg fic lmaooo

this is my first time attempting to write something from third person POV. please let me know what you think and if you read this entire self indulgent story then i love youuuu so much. 🩷

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · 𖥸· ─────── · ·

BRYAR

The silence of the apartment rings through Bryar’s ears. She wipes the tears staining her cheeks and stands from the bed, padding through the hallway to the bathroom. Flicking on the light, squinting as she does, her gaze travels to meet her own eyes in the mirror. Her eyes are sensitive from laying in the dark, and the crying she's been doing for the past four days doesn't help her appearance either. Sighing, her breath feeling heavy in her lungs, she tosses around the idea of finally taking a shower while staring at her disheveled hair.

The memory of checking the time is already gone from her mind but she remembers that it’s late. She looks at herself in the mirror for a moment longer. Eyes trailing from the circles under them up to her messy hair on top of her head. Part of her mind is contemplating whether or not she should’ve left the only man she’s ever loved. The other part of her mind knows she needed to because he never changed, nothing ever changed like he promised it would. However, she knew she would never love anyone that intensely ever again. Her eyes meet her own once more, and she lets her mind wander to the moment it all came to its tumultuous end

—

Bryar is standing in the middle of Harry’s apartment, her bag packed and hanging from her shoulder. She was dressed in the same outfit she waited all night for him in, the one she had carefully planned out for this day, the day he promised that he would be entirely hers, no interruptions. It was her birthday, after all. They were supposed to go to dinner. She waited all day for him at his place. He never showed. Never texted. Never called. She knew it would happen. It happened a lot recently. Things used to be so different. It never used to be this way. She never had to beg him for his attention before.

She knew he’d be coming home any second. It was late… a few minutes after midnight, the usual time he would come home from the bar he went to with his friends. The reservation they had at a restaurant in town was long forgotten. She called to cancel it after he didn’t come home. She didn’t move from her spot in front of the door. Not even when she heard the keys jingling in the lock. He swung the door open, his phone to his ear and laughing loudly at whoever he was speaking to on the other end. He was looking towards the floor, but when he noticed her there, with the bag hanging from her shoulder and the animosity behind her eyes, he stopped talking. Stopped everything. He didn’t even say goodbye to his friend, just hung up and put his phone away into his pocket.

“Bry, what are you doing?” He asked, confused. She scoffs, shaking her head and looking away from him into the apartment she knew she would be seeing for the last time.

“You forgot. Again.” she crosses her arms over her chest, biting the inside of her lip to keep herself from crying. Her chest was moving up and down rapidly. He looks at her for a moment…taking in her appearance, the way she was dressed…then he realizes. His eyes grow wide and he shakes his head slightly.

“Baby…I am so sorry. We were supposed to go out tonight. It must have slipped my mind, I’ve been so—” She cuts him off.

“You’ve been so busy. Yeah, I know. That’s what you say every fucking time, Harry.” She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I can’t keep doing this. I’m sorry. I just need to leave.” She puts her hands out in front of her, not wanting him to come closer to her.

“Okay…I understand." He says, not necessarily wanting to let her go when she feels this way. However, he understands that she's upset and doesn't want to be around him. "Do you want to do something tomorrow instead, it’s Saturday and—” Again, she doesn’t let him finish.

“No, Harry. I’m leaving you.” She sneers and he visibly flinches at her words. He shakes his head again.

“W-what?” He stutters, his eyes growing wider as he takes a step towards her. She ducks around him to the door, and he grabs her arm, forcing her to spin around and face him. Her eyes are angry and filled with tears, hating how her body betrays her like this when she’s upset.

“I can’t keep doing this. It’s been this way for a while, H. We make plans and you forget. I don’t know what’s more important than me but—” It’s his turn to interrupt her now.

“Nothing is more important to me than you.” His tone was firm, and he meant it. To him, he was telling nothing but the truth. He looks down at her, searching her eyes. He grabs her chin between his thumb and index finger and she jerks away from his touch. A look of hurt crosses his features as she steps back, putting distance between them. He had never intended for this to happen. He doesn’t even know how he allowed something this important to slip his mind. She had never shied away from him like this, never dodged his touch like it would burn her if he got too close.

“It doesn’t seem like it.” she whispers. “It’s my birthday, and you forgot.” Her voice trembles with the words.

“Bryar. Baby, please. Don’t do this. I’m sorry, so unbelievably sorry.” He falls to his knees in front of her, capturing her hands between his own. “Don’t leave. I know this is unforgivable, but please don’t leave.” he begs, literally on his knees for her, his voice quieter and full of more pain than she’s ever heard. She resists the urge to pull her hands away from him, wanting nothing more than for his touch to be comforting like it used to be, but now it just feels dirty.

“Harry…please.” She whispers, begging him to let her go. He looks up at her, his eyes flit around her face. He brings her hands to his mouth and kisses her knuckles, shaking his head once, eyes brimming with tears.

“I’ll change. I can change.” He stammers, and she shakes her head, swallowing the knot forming in her throat.

“I want to believe you…but I can’t sit around and wait for you to change anymore.” She gives him a somber look, the tears threatening to spill from her eyes as well. “I really wanted this to work. I just don’t think it’s going to.” She turns her back to him, walking towards the door of his apartment. She doesn’t look back. If she looks back she knows she’ll run to him and apologize for even thinking about leaving him.

Once in the hallway, she leans against the door, sobbing quietly into her hands, knowing this was for the best…but realizing that doesn’t make it hurt any less. On the other side of the door, Harry leans his forehead against the wood, his shoulders shaking from the sobs wracking his body. He stood from the floor and ran towards her as she left, but the door slamming in his face kept him from running after her. It all ended so quickly. He didn’t expect any of it, didn’t expect his entire future to collapse with the slam of the door.

—

Bryar shakes her head as if the memory will crumble and the pieces will become lost in the corners of her mind. She shoves it behind the metaphorical door, the one she reserved for the memories of him. She sniffles once and walks to the shower, turning the knob to a temperature that will hopefully wash away the bad memory. Standing under the shower head, she lets the water run over her face, closing her eyes and leaning against the wall. The amount of energy it sucks from her is tenfold. Quickly washing her hair and body, she rinses the suds away and steps out, wrapping the towel tightly as the cold air comes rushing in and creates goosebumps on her skin. She wishes that the memories of him could be washed away that easily, down the drain with the tears she shed for him.

Standing at the sink again, she glances up at the mirror. Her appearance is…better. Still, her cheeks are hollow and the bags under her eyes are a deep shade of purple. She brushes her hair, her teeth, and throws a t-shirt over her head, one that smells like him, making her way back to her room. The bed still has a lingering heat from her body, the sheets soft on her clean skin. She pulls the comforter up to her nose and pulls her knees to her chest. Sighing, her eyes feel heavy, and she drifts to sleep, knowing her dreams will be filled with the memory of him, the future she always imagined with Harry nothing more than a failed plan.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better, though she had a feeling this pain would last a lifetime.

—

Four Years Later

It’s been nearly four years. Bryar has moved on…or so she likes to believe. She never thought trying to forget him would be this hard. She tells herself she doesn’t think about Harry all that much anymore...but that’s the biggest lie of the century. She still sees his face on every passerby on the street, she’s convinced she smells his cologne everywhere. She plays pretend, pushing the memories of him away, locking them up behind a wall in her mind. If she continues to tell herself that she’s moved on, that she’s happy…maybe one day it’ll be the truth. The truth is that he fucked her up forever. Every corner of her apartment still reminds her of him, even after she tucked all the memories in a box and shoved it in the back of her closet.

“Baby, have you seen my tie?” Sam, her boyfriend, comes striding into the room. She sucks in a breath, his voice pulling her from her mind. She half smiles, and he pulls her to his chest in a tight hug. “You look stunning.” He whispers into her hair and she smiles. Sam has been there for her for the past two years, giving her a hope she didn’t realize she needed. They met at work, and from there the rest is really history.

“Sorry, no. I haven’t seen it.” She wraps her arms around his waist, squeezing and breathing in his cologne. She turns back towards the mirror, pushing an earring into her ear and smoothing her dress with her hands. “I’m pretty much ready though, I can help you look.” She leans her back against his chest, staring at him through the mirror as he runs his hands down her arms. They have an invitation to attend the wedding of a couple of Bryar’s friends. It’s been awhile, and she hadn’t seen Celia since right after Christmas a couple of years ago when she brought Derek home to meet her friends and family. Life got busy, Bryar got a new job, Celia moved across the country, and things just never seemed to work out when they came to town. Luckily, Derek agreed on a wedding close to Celia’s hometown, and when Bryar got the invitation she was over the moon.

Bryar walked out of the bedroom and through the hallway and to the living room, searching every surface in between for Sam’s tie, her eyebrows knitting together when she can’t find it, either. She swore she had seen it on the coffee table. She kneels on the floor, peeking under the couch. Perhaps it fell onto the floor and got kicked under there. She spots the shade of maroon that matches her dress, reaching under, saving it from the dust bunnies living under there. The light catches something when she moves the tie and she squints, only able to make out the shape of a square. She reaches under again, feeling around for the object and when her fingers graze the cool surface, she slides it out. The back of a polaroid picture stares back at her, and she’s not really sure where it came from.

She flips it over, her breath catching in her throat. Looking back at her from the little square, is Harry. He’s laughing and sticking his tongue out, and she is in the picture too. Laughing with her eyes squeezed shut, head leaned over on Harry’s shoulder. They looked so happy. She brings her hand to her mouth in surprise and she just stares at the picture. The memory of the night it was taken comes flooding back to her, hitting her like a sucker punch that steals the breath from her lungs.

—

SIX YEARS AGO

The cheap bottle of white wine on the table had just a sliver left in it. Bryar’s glass was nearing empty and Harry’s was still half full from the first pour. He had abandoned it about an hour ago for something stronger, he said.

They were sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, a vinyl spinning quietly on the record player across the room. Harry stands, making his way towards the shelf to switch it out for something different. Bryar watches as he crosses the room, bringing his glass to her lips and claiming it as hers.

“Why are we even sitting on the floor?” She asks, slightly slurring her words while a laugh escapes into her glass. She looks around, the room spinning slightly, effects of the entire bottle of wine she drank hitting her almost all at once. Harry looks at her over his shoulder, smirking.

“I don’t know. I think we were going to do a puzzle or something and then we started talking and forgot.” He mutters, looking through the old records to play trying to choose one he thought she would be in the mood to listen to. Bryar had pulled out an old photo album, the one that somehow survived the fire that her parents did not. She told him memories from her childhood, ones that were clear and the ones that were a bit fuzzy around the edges. She was beginning to forget the way her mother’s voice sounded and the way her dad’s hand felt in hers, his scars she would run her fingers over while her little brain would ask how he got them. Harry finally chooses a record and smiles to himself, carefully putting it on the turntable and setting the needle to the eighth song on the track list. He saw the longing in her eyes when she spoke of them, wishing he could take her pain and wrap it in barbed wire so it couldn’t escape and hurt her any longer. Bryar hears the opening notes of the song from the guitar playing through the speakers. She smiles at him and narrows her eyes.

“Really?” She asks as he saunters back over to her.

“What? Don’t wanna listen to Dan Fogelberg?” He teases and she shakes her head.

“Not that. Just funny that you picked this song.” She states as he sits down next to her again on the floor. She listens as the lyrics of the song Longer play through the speakers. He tilts his head, his eyes sparkling in the dim lighting of her apartment. He waits for her to tell him more. “It was my parents' wedding song, that’s all.” she shrugs and he pulls her into his side. She sighs, leaning over on his shoulder and he kisses the top of her head.

“Maybe it could be our wedding song one day, too.” He mumbles against her hair and she smiles. “I wish I could’ve met them.” He whispers to her.

“Maybe.” she whispers back. “I wish you could have met them, too.” She says, her mind beginning to go down the road of “what-ifs”.

Harry reaches forward, opening the drawer of the coffee table and rummaging through her things that have collected in the drawer over time, little trinkets and pens and post-it notes. Bryar giggles while watching him, and he reaches further into the drawer and pulls out her old polaroid camera.

“Wanna take a picture?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows and she laughs.

“I’d love to but that thing is probably dead and the film probably isn’t any good.” She grumbles. “I couldn’t tell you the last time I used it.”

“Well let’s see…” He mutters, flipping the switch on the top. The light turns green and he glances up at her, smirking. He brings it up to his face, looking through the viewfinder. “Smile.” He says in a singsong tone. Bryar gives him a cheesy smile, and the flash goes off with a click of the button. The camera spits out a square film and Harry pulls it out and sets it on the table. She leans her head on his shoulder again, sighing. He holds the camera out in front of them, and starts singing the lyrics to the song playing in a silky voice, trying to imitate Dan Fogelberg and this makes her laugh. She falls into a fit of giggles from his singing and the amount of alcohol she’s consumed, and he smiles, sticking his tongue out and snaps another picture, the moment they’re in right now permanently etched into time. Once her laughing subsides she looks up at him through her lashes. He brings his face down and touches his forehead to hers.

“I love you.” She whispers.

“I love you more.” He whispers back, kissing her softly.

—

“Bryar, did you find my tie?” Sam yells down the hall, pulling her from her memory. She wipes the single tear that fell down her cheek quickly before standing and tucking the picture into the coffee table drawer. She makes her way back to the bedroom, tie in hand. Sam is standing in front of the full length mirror, buttoning his white shirt. She holds it out, wiggling it in his face, his icy blue eyes narrow at her and he smirks.

“You’re amazing. Where was it?” He asks, plucking it from her hand and situating it around his neck.

“Under the couch. Must have fallen and gotten kicked under there.” She states while making her way to her closet to retrieve her shoes. Carrying them by the straps to the bed, she sits, crossing her leg to slip on the first and fasten it. She repeats the action with the other at the same moment Sam finishes tying his tie. She stands, walking across the room and grabbing his jacket. She stands behind him, holding it out for him to slide his arms in the sleeves. He smiles softly at her through the mirror.

“Ready?” he asks, spinning around on his heel and pulling her into him. She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling his face down to meet hers. He kisses her softly, lightly ghosting his lips over hers. She smiles against his mouth, her nose brushing against his. She nods, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the room before they don’t make it out the door.

The drive to the wedding venue isn’t long, but it’s not short either. She sits in the passenger seat of Sam’s car, his hand resting comfortably on her thigh that’s exposed from the slit in her dress. The radio is playing quietly, the silence between them comfortable. She watches the scenery out the window, thinking of her parents and admiring the beginning of the leaves changing colors. Autumn was always her mothers favorite season. Celia picked the perfect time to get married, like Bryar knew she would. Celia was a bit of a perfectionist, in the best way. Bryar was sure she must have researched when the trees would be at their peak vibrancy for the most perfect fall wedding, and autumn has had always held significance to Bryar since losing her mom, feeling her presence with her the most during this time of year.

“Bry?” Sam says her name while clearing his throat, pulling her from her thoughts for the second time today. She turns her head towards him, watching as he keeps his eyes on the road. Her heart squeezes a little every time he calls her by the same nickname that Harry always did. She never had the heart to ask him to call her anything else. It is just a nickname, after all. However, it never sounds quite right coming from between Sam’s lips.

“Hm?” She hums, grabbing his hand and squeezing. He squeezes her thigh in response.

“I love you.” He says, tilting his head towards her and glancing at her for a quick second. He smiles, and she smiles back, dropping her gaze to their hands together. She hadn’t told him about her parent’s yet, the timing never felt right. She makes a mental note to talk to him about it soon.

“I love you.” She says quietly, returning her gaze to the window. Does she? If she loved him her mind wouldn't keep drifting to her past and comparing him to Harry. She would open up to him more, right? It's not that she doesn't trust him, he just seems to brush her off sometimes. She feels guilty.

“Something on your mind? You’re awfully quiet.” He teases her, she shakes her head.

“No. Just admiring the view.” She reassures him.

The rest of the drive is quiet. They pull down a long gravel road towards the extravagant wedding venue. Bryar’s mouth drops open and her eyes widen when she realizes how big the building actually is. She looked up pictures, of course. However, the pictures didn’t do this place justice. The windows are tall, glass, floor-to-ceiling and framed in black. The bright white walls stand out against the red and orange and yellow trees surrounding it. It’s evening, the sun setting in the distance creating a perfect golden hue over the property. Sam pulls the car into a parking spot and quickly steps out, striding to Bryar’s side and opening her door for her. He reaches his hand down for her to take for balance as her heels meet the uneven gravel. She grabs it, swinging her legs out of the car and standing, smoothing the wrinkles of her dress down. They walk into the venue, arms linked together. The ceremony doesn’t start for another thirty minutes, but they’re serving champagne. Bryar and Sam make their way to the bar, grabbing two glasses, she looks upward taking in the high vaulted ceilings along the way. After they secure two glasses in their hands, she spots a group of people she knows across the room and they make their way over to them.

They mingle with her friends, ones she hasn’t seen in quite some time. She introduces Sam to them, and the men fall into conversations of sports teams and work while the women are talking about the books they’re reading recently or the shows they’ve been watching. Some talk of work, what the next fiscal year will bring their companies and how successful they were throughout this year. Bryar smiles, sipping from her glass while watching Sam get along with the people she used all to spend all of her time with.

Out of no where, the air in the room shifts, making Bryar feel uneasy. She’s not quite sure why this feeling suddenly hit her, maybe the open doors are bringing in a chill. She looks around, eyes flitting across the room at the groups of people mingling, spotting Celia’s mother and they lock eyes. Bryar gives her a smile and a small wave, making plans to go and speak to her. Glancing around again, she quickly catches what appears to be a head of brown curls that she’s all too familiar with and her stomach drops. Before she can confirm if it really is who she thinks it is, they disappear around a corner and are out of her sight.

It couldn’t be him, right? These were her friends, not his. He didn’t really know Celia that well, right? Celia wouldn't have invited him knowing Bryar's history with him, would she?

She feels a hand on the small of her back, snapping her from her panic. She turns her head to see Sam standing beside her. Her eyes soften and she forces a smile onto her face, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Two lines form between his eyebrows as he pulls them together, concerned.

“Hey, are you okay? You look pale, like you saw a ghost.” He asks, leaning down to whisper into her ear. She pulls back, looking him in the eyes again and nodding once.

“Yeah…I’m fine.” She lies. She would know Harry anywhere. Even out of all the people she’s mistaken for him on the street, she figured out quickly it was never him. But she knew that was him. She had memorized the way his hair laid on his head and the way he moved through a room ten times over. It was etched into her memory. Her eyes flit across the room once more, feeling the anxiety and dread creeping into the pit of her stomach. Sam’s voice pulls her back down to earth for the second time in less than five minutes. She has got to get it together.

“I think it’s time for us to find our seats.” Sam mutters under his breath and Bryar nods again, tipping her glass up and downing the rest of her champagne. Her eyes scan the crowd, looking for Harry again, just to be sure...but there’s so many people and she’s not any taller than Sam, who can see over most of the crowd himself. She chews on the inside of her lip, the metallic taste of her own blood touching her tongue. She mentally curses herself, tearing the skin from between her teeth and trying to remind herself to not do it again.

Sam finds a seat right in the middle of the row of chairs a little further back, they could see the altar from here and not have to worry about being in anyone’s way. Bryar’s heart beats quickly in her chest, feeling her body temperature rise as she searches the room.

It wasn’t this hot before, was it?

Her heart stops, her breathing stops, her vision goes blurry. It’s as if her chest has caved in on her. Because there, across the room with someone that’s the complete opposite of her, is Harry.

She can’t tear her gaze away. It's a cruel form of self sabotage, wanting to look away but forcing herself to watch the way he leans into her and whispers in her ear. The woman's head turns to look at him and she’s smiling, and it gives away the one thing she didn’t want to accept, because Bryar used to look at him exactly the same way. They aren’t just friends, he brought her with him as his date. Bryar tears her eyes from the unknown girl and her breath catches in her throat when she looks at Harry. He’s changed. His face is broader, more defined with a hint of stubble growing. He’s grinning down at his date, before planting a small kiss to her temple and Bryar feels her heart breaking. The room is too hot. She feels dizzy. She stands abruptly, looking down at Sam, who’s looking up at her with confusion for what feels like the hundredth time since they left the apartment.

She has to get out of here, preferably before her lunch ends up on the floor in front of her.

“I’m sorry. I have to…I need to…” She can’t seem to get the words out. “Bathroom.” Is all she successfully says. She doesn’t wait for him to reply. She steps around other people in the row, and when she’s free from the confines of the chairs, she practically breaks out into a sprint. She quickly covers her mouth, feeling the nausea setting in before she’s thrown into another memory of Harry.

—

SIX YEARS AGO

The streetlights cast shadows around the darkened room, the rain pattering on the window. Harry’s hand trails down Bryar’s exposed back, leaving goosebumps in its wake. She sighs with content, her eyes drifting closed. She would stay like this forever if she could…she’d give up everything to be here with him always. He was her forever. She knew that. He knew that, too. He never wanted to be anywhere else.

“Hey…” he whispers, trying to get her attention. Her eyes flutter open, the exhaustion showing on her face, but the good kind. She smiles tiredly at him. He brings his hand up, brushing the strands of auburn hair out of her face and running the backs of his fingers down her cheek. Her heart feels like it’s bursting with love for him and can’t hold any more than it already does. However, every day, he does something to prove that she somehow can love him more than the day before. He smiles, tracing over every feature of her face with his gaze. There was nothing that could make her stop loving him, she knows that.

“I really love you, you know?” She says, and his grin widens. Trailing his hand to the back of her neck, he pulls her closer to him, their bodies meshing together like they were made only for each other. He fists her hair at the nape of her neck, pulling slightly to tilt her head upwards to him. He captures her lips with his, kissing her in a way that makes her belly do somersaults, the butterflies feeling more like a stampede. She could never get used to the way he kisses her. Always like it’ll be the last. He pulls away and brings his forehead to hers, nudging his nose against hers.

“I love you.” He says, looking into her eyes the best he can being so close. “You’re it for me, Bry. You’ll always be.” She blushes, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. He turns his head slightly, kissing her temple with such gentleness it makes her heart flutter. “My sweet girl.” He mutters against her skin. His hand runs down her hair flowing behind her on the bed, twisting a strand around his finger before she feels herself slipping into sleep.

“Stay with me forever?” She whispers, so quietly she’s not even sure he heard, not even sure she spoke it...maybe she only thought it in her tired mind. Her consciousness drifting slowly, sleep threatening to pull her under.

And for a moment, he pauses. He wanted nothing more than to spend forever with her. He would cross every ocean if it meant he had her always. He feels her muscles relax, her breathing beginning to steady. He’s sure she’s asleep. He’s careful not to wake her. He closes his eyes, preparing to fall asleep as well as he squeezes her against him, trying somehow to get her closer. She feels him, all of him, his warmth consumes her. Somewhere in the distance she hears him, just barely.

“Forever.” he whispers back to her.

—

Bryar shoves her way into the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind her. She grasps the marble countertop, the cold surface stinging her hands and bringing her back to reality. Her breathing is sharp, stinging her lungs with every breath. She quickly makes her way into a stall, bracing against the wall for support, convinced she was going to empty her stomach contents in a matter of seconds. She still feels dizzy. It wasn’t Bryar beside him, and it never would be her again. She leans against the wall of the bathroom, the cool tile soothing her rising body temperature. She feels clammy, sweat forming at her hairline.

This was the worst possible outcome. She wasn’t expecting him to be here at all, not even a warning from Celia. She can’t go back out there. She can’t watch him dote on the girl he brought. Can’t watch him kiss her temple like he used to do with her, the one gesture he reserved for her and only her, the one that used to make her heart soar, the one smallest gesture just happened to be the one that Bryar has felt homesick for since the day she left. She only has a few minutes before the ceremony starts. She can’t miss Celia walking down the aisle or she’ll never forgive herself.

She straightens, taking in a long breath before drawing it back out. She goes back out to the mirror, staring at herself. Her chest is blotchy from the anxiety she’s feeling. The nervousness takes over, but she pushes through it. Her hands are shaky as she reaches for the door handle.

Bryar makes her way back to her seat by Sam. He cocks an eyebrow at her and she smiles nervously. As she sits he turns his body towards her.

“Seriously Bry, what is going on?” He asks, concern lacing his question. She waves her hand at him, dismissing him.

“Just the champagne hitting me I think.” She lies and Sam doesn’t believe her for a second. Something is going on, something he doesn’t know about. His eyes search the room but he doesn’t see anyone familiar. He watches her, she keeps her gaze towards the floor, picking nervously at her nails and his eyes narrow. She glances up and across the room. He discreetly follows her eyes, looking the same direction and seeing a man sitting with his girlfriend. He doesn’t recognize them, but it’s obvious to him that Bryar does. He makes a mental note to ask her about it later.

Bryar is having what can only be described as an existential crisis. But there’s no time for that. The large doors in front of the aisle open, and the wedding party starts to make their way to the front of the room. The chatter around the room dies down, withering to nothing as the music begins to play. Bryar turns her head to watch as they walk, thankful that she doesn’t have to look forward and watch Harry anymore.

—

HARRY

Harry and Xena make their way to find seats to watch the ceremony. He decided at the last minute to ask her to attend this wedding with him. They had only been on a few dates. They met at the bar he frequents with his friends. The same friends that encouraged him to ask her out. Encouraged him to finally move on. Bryar wasn’t coming back.

He and Xena have got on quite well so far. He enjoyed her company, more than he liked to admit. She wasn’t Bryar though, and he knows it’s unfair to compare them. She didn’t deserve that. So he tries his hardest to push Bryar to the back of his mind.

“I’m so nervous to meet your friends.” Xena leans in, whispering in his ear. He pulls back and smiles at her. She looks up at him through her lashes and it kills him, the way she looks at him like that. His grin grows wider and he wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

“You’ll do great.” He whispers encouraging words in her ear, pressing his lips to her temple as his eyes close. He does it out of habit, a small gesture to ease her nerves. For a brief moment, his mind flashes to her, his Bryar. His eyes open and he’s pulled right back into reality when he sees Xena’s blonde hair. A reality he’s forced to accept. He sighs, running his free hand down his own face.

After a few moments, he hears the doors open signaling that the bridal party would be making their way in any second. He turns his head to watch behind him as the wedding party makes their way to the altar. His eyes search around the room, eager to place familiar faces to introduce Xena to after the ceremony. He catches the movement of all too familiar auburn hair. He barely catches a look at the side of her face before he can’t see anything but the back of her head. His breath catches in his throat and he coughs under his breath.

He can’t believe she’s here. In the same room as him for the first time in four long years. Of course, in the back of his mind he knew she would be. Celia is one of her best friends. Harry’s eyes widen slightly when he realizes she’s not alone. Her head turns a little and he can see more of her face again. She perches her fingers under her chin, gazing at the man beside her and smiling. His heart drops to his stomach. He remembers that look all too well. She used to look at him that way. He tries to look away but he can’t, his memories catching up to him.

—

EIGHT YEARS AGO

Harry was nervous for a date, and this was the first time he ever recalled feeling this way. He had just met this girl, Bryar, at a coffee shop a couple of days ago and she was absolutely stunning and she captivated him with her words from the moment she spoke to him. He would’ve been a fool to not ask her out after the conversation they had. He was surprised she had even agreed. They exchanged numbers, and agreed to meet at a sushi restaurant downtown.

He admired the way she spoke. The way she got a little too excited about something in their short conversation, they way her cheeks flush in embarrassment when she realized she was rambling to a stranger. He asked her out right then. No way he was going to pass up the opportunity.

The walk to the restaurant is short, but it feels eternal because he’s so nervous. When the sign comes into view, he sees her standing there. Hugging her body for warmth in the cold winter air. He picks up his pace, speed walking towards her so she doesn't have to wait any longer for him. When he approaches, their eyes meet and she smiles widely.

“Hi!” She says almost like she didn’t believe he was standing in front of her.

“You didn’t have to wait outside for me.” He states, a small laugh escaping between his words. She shrugs.

“It’s okay. It’s just a little chilly.” She reassures and he smiles at her, walking towards the door side by side. He holds it open for her, and he hears her hum when the warm air inside envelopes them. They were seated and once the first date awkwardness subsided, they stayed there most of the night. Talking about anything they could think of.

He talked about his job, she talked about her dreams and ambitions, she was in her final year of college and how excited she was to be finished with her Master’s degree. What childhood pets they had. Where he was originally from (hence the accent) and why he moved to the States. They shared childhood stories of friends and siblings and parents. Everything laid out on the table, figuratively speaking. The more she spoke the more he admired her. She had her hand under her chin and watched him speak, a smile creeping up on her face at the way he articulated his words and thoughts.

The waiter approached the table and informed them the restaurant would be closing soon, and both of them looked at each other with wide eyes, Bryar bursting out into a fit of laughter. It was the most beautiful sound he had heard in such a long time.

“I don’t really want this to end.” She admitted, catching him by surprise with her honesty. He was thinking the same, too nervous to say it.

“It doesn’t have to.” He says, his eyes meeting hers. She tucked her lips into their mouth, suppressing a smile. He signed the check and they stood, walking towards the door.

He wasn’t expecting it, the way she grabbed his hand and laced her fingers between his. He hesitates for a moment before closing his hand around hers and he feels his heart already swelling for this girl. Bryar. He knew, in that moment, that she was going to fuck him up forever. Having just met, his heart already belonged to her, and that was dangerous...and for some reason, he didn’t care.

They were inseparable after that.

—

Harry feels a hand slide into his, snapping him out of his memory. Xena has her head tilted to the side, worried.

“Where did you go just now?” She whispers, and he shakes his head.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” He reassures her. But was he fine? Bryar was right there. He’d been dreaming for another chance to speak to her. His breathing picks up, and he turns away. He can’t keep looking in that direction because all he was doing was staring at her. He had to get out of here, fast. He fists the material of his dress pants, turning to face the front of the room instead. He couldn’t leave yet even though he wanted to. He couldn't run off and steal the moment away from Celia. The attention would be on him and the last thing he wanted was for Bryar to see him, if she hadn’t already.

So he faces the front, breathing rapidly through his nose. Hoping to not draw attention to himself. Xena places her hand on his knee, and he closes his eyes.

He was so fucked.

—

BRYAR

She looks over at Sam with adoration, trying to keep her breathing at an even pace. She knew if she glanced to the left she would see Harry, and that made her anxious. The flower girl was walking down the aisle shyly, and everyone was cooing and smiling at her. Bryar kept her eyes trained on the doors as they shut, preparing for Celia to walk through them for her grand entrance.

The doors open and everybody stands. There Celia stands with her dad by her side. She looks ethereal. Bryar feels tears brimming her eyes and she swipes at them before they can fall down her cheeks.

But now she has to turn and face him again and she’s not sure what will happen when she does. Her mind races, ultimately unable to avoid turning around. She looks up at where Derek stands, and sees that he’s swiping at his own eyes, seeing the love of his life walking towards him filling him with unspeakable emotion.

Bryar’s eyes flit over to Harry. His back is facing her, but his plus one is still turned to watch Celia. Bryar’s eyes meet hers for a brief moment and she holds her breath. Surely Harry has told her about Bryar, the girl who broke his world. His heart. The girl smiles at Bryar and Bryar forces herself to smile back, a passive smile. Of course, this girl never did anything to her. She didn’t even know who she was, never seeing her before this moment.

The officiant speaking causes their gaze to break, Bryar averting her eyes forward. She tried to focus on the words, but her mind is still racing. Sam rests his hand on her thigh, squeezing gently. She peeks over at him, and he leans in to whisper in her ear.

“I can’t wait for this to be us one day.” He says, nudging her once with his nose and kissing right beside her ear. She smiles, but her heart constricts behind her ribs. They had talked about their future together before, briefly. Bryar preferred to live in the moment after Harry. With Harry she was always looking forward instead of in moment, and she realizes that’s where most of her disappointments lie. In the future. The future is not predictable.

The ceremony lasts all of 30 minutes, and then the guests are dismissed to the ballroom for cocktail hour while the newlyweds and their wedding party take pictures together. Sam guides Bryar through the doors, a hand on her back so she knows he’s right behind her. The ballroom is decorated from floor to ceiling, flowers hanging out of vases and spilling into the table in beautiful arrangements. Bryar finds hers and Sam’s names at a table with the same friends they spoke to at the beginning of the evening. Sam leaves her to go to the bar and get drinks for the table.

Bryar engages in conversation as best as she can. They are talking about something that’s out of her realm and only adds when she feels it’s appropriate. Sam is walking towards them, carrying six drinks somehow and she finds herself giggling at how he’s able to carry three cups in one hand. He raises his eyebrows at her, blowing out a breath. He hands them out, holding them until the respective person takes it and then sits Bryar’s in front of her last.

“Thank you.” She says and he leans down, pecking her lips.

—

HARRY

Harry grabs Xena's hand, his fingers lacing with hers as they make their way into the ballroom, the lights from the ceiling twinkling and reflecting on the windows. They find their table, seated with a few people Harry knows and he pulls Xena’s chair out for her to sit.

“Drink?” He asks, running a hand through his hair and she nods.

“Just something light for now.” She requests and he nods, his hand lingering on her chair as he walks away. He waits in line behind a slightly taller man with dark black hair. The man turns to look over his shoulder and Harry recognizes him as the one that Bryar is here with. His eyes narrow, a bit of jealousy fueling his mind, but he shakes it away. Someone comes up behind Harry, navigating around him and getting the attention of the man in front of him.

“Sam! Hey man. I didn’t know you knew Celia and Derek.” The man takes Sam’s hand in his, shaking it, obviously someone he knew as an acquaintance. Sam smiles a little.

“Oh, I don’t really. I’m here with my girlfriend. They’re more her friends than mine.” Sam informs the stranger and he nods.

“Oh right, Bryar. Tell her I said hello.” The man responds and Sam nods. Harry looks down at the floor, kicking the toe of his shoe against the hardwood. He bites his cheek hearing her name. Sam and the unnamed man part ways after a bit of conversation, promising to catch up later in the evening after the ceremony. The line moves forward and Harry listens as Sam orders drinks for what seems to be his entire table.

“…and then I need vodka cranberry.” He finishes the order on Bryar’s drink. Harry would know, he’d ordered that for her at least a hundred times, the only other drink she enjoyed besides the cheap white wine from the grocery store. He looks to the side, his eyes narrowing, the jealousy bubbling up in his chest.

“Forgot to make it a double.” Harry mutters under his breath, and to his surprise Sam turns around. She never orders a single shot. Ever.

“What?” Sam asks, cocking his eyebrow and Harry looks over at him, shrugging.

“Didn’t say anything.” He shakes his head once, denying that he said anything. Sam looks at him for another moment, like he’s trying to place where he’s seen him before, before turning back around to the bartender. A second later, Sam is juggling all six drinks in his hand and nodding once at Harry before finding a path to his table. Harry orders for himself and then for Xena, dropping a tip in the jar and winding around chairs and tables back to her.

He slides into his chair, sipping on his beer and his mind slips into a memory.

—

SEVEN YEARS AGO

Bryar leans over the table, pool stick in hand and aiming at the cue ball directing it to the eight ball on the table. If she sinks it she wins. Harry stands behind her, a hand protectively resting on her back. Last thing he needs is someone looking at his girl with their drunken eyes trailing up her body. Not that he would blame them for looking, but his jealousy doesn’t let them get away with it if he catches them. Her hips shift slightly against his hand and he smirks.

Watching her intently, he admires the way her hair falls over her shoulder and tucked behind her ear, the tip of her tongue sticking out a little in concentration. She takes the shot, and sinks the eight ball, winning the game with ease. She straightens, jumping a little and turning to face him. The excitement in her eyes makes them twinkle and she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling his face down to hers to kiss him.

“I won.” She grins, giggling a little and he pecks her lips again.

“You won, baby.” He mutters against her lips, pulling her a little closer to him.

“Get a room, you two.” Celia groans beside them and Bryar snickers, turning her head to face Celia and sticking her tongue out. Her temple touches against Harry’s chin and he dips a little lower to plant a small kiss there.

“Want a drink?” Harry asks, lips still pressed lightly to her skin and she nods.

“Vodka cranberry, remember to make it a do—” She starts to say, but Harry cuts her off.

“A double. I know. How you always want it.” He smirks, backing away from her before he turns away and makes his way towards the bar. He orders, looking over his shoulder at her while the bartender prepares their drinks. She’s already taking on her next victim in a game of pool, probably going to wipe the floor with them like the last unfortunate soul. There’s only one thought in his mind as he watches her, bent over the table to break.

He would marry her one day.

—

“Right, Harry?” his friend, Zack, asks from across the table. Harry blinks once, Zack raises an eyebrow waiting for an answer.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t really paying attention. Something on my mind.” He mutters, looking anywhere but at anyone at the table.

“Um…okay.” Zack says, turning back to the conversation.

The reception starts and the speeches and toasts to the bride and groom are all a blur. Harry doesn’t even get up to eat. He hasn’t really spoken to Xena and she hasn’t prodded him for answers either. The only thoughts racing through his mind were of Bryar. He just wanted to speak to her, he’d give up everything right now to be able to talk to her.

—

BRYAR & HARRY

Bryar and Sam are standing at a cocktail table outside of the reception area. Sam has been talking to them all night and Bryar tunes most of the conversation out, standing with one arm crossed over her middle and holding a plastic cup to her lips, chewing on the lip of it lightly. She’s leaning her head against Sam, eyes growing tired.

She turns her head for a brief moment, glancing around the room. Her eyes find Harry across the room, and it’s just become a habit as the night goes on. Her heart develops an ache that is so strong, she can’t believe how much seeing him has affected her. She lets her eyes linger on him a moment longer…what a mistake that was.

His eyes shift towards her, and their eyes meet.

She sucks in a breath, and she sees him swallow. It’s as if the entire world stops, everything and everyone in the room fades into the background, and it’s as if the only two in the room are Bryar and Harry. She wants nothing more than to run to him, throw her arms around him and sob into his shoulder, apologizing for leaving, for hurting him the way she did…but her feet are cemented to the floor. She knows she can’t. She loves Sam, and Sam loves her. As fucked up as it sounds, she feels like it doesn’t even matter because the only person she wants to love is Harry.

Her heart longs for him. She craves the way he used to say her name, the way he used to kiss her temple to calm her and remind her that he was right at her side, always. He stays where he is, his arm wrapped loosely around Xena’s waist and it pulls at her heart, constricting it in her ribcage. Harry can’t tear his eyes away and neither can Bryar.

He just wants to storm over to her and kiss her in front of the entire room. He doesn’t care about the consequences. He wants to grab her and tell her he doesn’t blame her for any of it. He wants to tell her that she’s still it for him, and he doesn’t expect her to come running back and give him another chance but he’ll always be waiting for her anyway. Seeing her tonight has only reminded him how much he's longed for her. But for whatever reason, he can’t bring himself to take that first step..

—

Four Years Ago

“...I just don’t think it’s going to.” Bryar says, her voice trembling on the words, she turns to walk away, and Harry brings himself to his feet, preparing to stop her from walking out the door. He doesn’t make it in time though, the breeze from the door slamming blowing back in his face. He feels the pang in his chest, the closing of the door making him accept quickly that this was real and she was gone. He leans his head against the hard wood of the door, allowing the tears to flow freely down his cheeks. They don’t stop, not even when the sobs take over his body, shaking and unable to breathe.

He’s not sure how long he’s been there. He doesn’t remember what time he even came home. At some point he turned his back to the door and slid down to the floor, staring at nothing. He finally blinks, turning his head and catching the time on the clock in the kitchen. Five A.M.

She had to come back, right? They were good together, she didn’t mean it. She was just upset. He would let her cool off for a couple days, and then he would try to talk to her. He pushes his body off the floor, muscles aching and screaming from leaning against the door all night.

He trudged down the hallway to his bed. It's unnervingly cold, the source of its usual warmth not present. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept without her. How could he sleep if she wasn’t there running her fingers down the expanse of his back, bringing her body closer to him for him to hold.

He tries to sleep, tossing and turning relentlessly for over an hour. When he’s had enough, he rises from the bed and decides to make a cup of coffee. The pang in his chest never goes away. His eyes feel sandy and he can’t fully open them. He stirs a little bit of milk into the mug, his motions slow and lethargic.

He turns memories over in his mind, combing through them to find the moment when everything started going south. Obviously, missing Bryars birthday was the straw that broke the camel’s back, the final nail in the coffin. He didn’t realize that she’d been unhappy, it seems, for a while. She never gave him any hint, they hadn’t really had a fight in what feels like so long. But isn’t that when he should have noticed? Was she tired of fighting him? Fighting for him?

He needs to see her. Needs to apologize. He’ll never stop apologizing, if that’s what it takes. He throws on his jacket and grabs his keys, leaving his apartment without a second thought. He doesn’t think of anything but Bryar on the way over to hers. She’ll answer the door. She has to, right? She was just upset, maybe she’s having second thoughts this morning.

He pulls up, throwing the car in park and practically jumping out before it stops moving. He sprints to her door, bringing his fist up to knock, but he pauses. He doesn’t hear her moving around inside. It’s silent. Was her car even in the parking lot? He steps back, looking around the wall to the lot and spots her car in its usual spot. Was she still sleeping? He finally knocks, waiting a few seconds for the sound of her footsteps coming to the door, except they don’t. He has a key, he could just go in. He fumbles his keyring around, mindlessly searching for the familiar blue key she had made for him not long after they started seeing each other, but it's not there. He doesn’t remember removing it, but maybe he did. He knocks again.

“Bry, baby please open the door.” He says, not yelling but loud enough for her to hear. There’s no answer back. No sound of her coming to him. Not the familiar turn of the deadbolt.

Nothing.

They can’t be over.

He was supposed to marry her. She was supposed to be forever.

He didn’t think forever was supposed to end this way.

—

Bryar is sure that someone has noticed them staring at each other by now, whether it be his date or Sam, yet she can’t seem to pull her gaze away. He nods his head to the side once, and it feels almost as if her heart was pulling towards him, trying to break free from the confines of her chest. His eyes flit across the room, and her gaze follows. She notices a hallway in his direct line of sight. When she looks back at him, he’s looking at her. Waiting.

Now she has the biggest dilemma. Does she stay at Sam’s side or does she finally after four long years get to hear Harry’s voice again? She’s frozen in place. Harry watches her, his eyes pleading with her to go and he’ll meet her there. He sees her apprehension. He knows what this would mean for her if she chanced being caught with him in the hallway.

She turns to Sam, looking up at him as he’s deep in conversation and it’s hard to make out the topic when her heart is beating so loudly it fills her ears. She watches him for a moment, thinking of every moment he was there for her, pulling her out of the darkness and giving her light whenever he couldn’t. She loves him.

But not in the way she loves Harry. Harry’s the only person who sees her for her. She doesn’t have to pretend around him. She doesn’t have to be something that she’s not. Never had to conform to please him, and she felt alive with Harry. She looks back across the room at him, he hasn't moved, his expression is one of longing. Pleading.

“Please.” She sees him mouth the word so clearly, begging her to give him any of her time. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath for the first time this evening, the air filling her lungs.

That was all it took.

Everything that happens next is a blur. She excuses herself to the restroom, slinking further away from the group. Her heart is racing, the closer that she gets to the hallway her palms start to sweat from the fists she has them clenched in. Once she’s behind the cover of the walls, she runs. Her dress is flowing behind her as she sprints, but it feels like she’s moving in slow motion, like she can’t get to him quickly enough. She rounds the corner and there he is, standing at the end and her vision betrays her from the tears brimming her lashes.

She doesn’t stop running, not until she reaches him. She flings her arms around his neck, burying her face between his collar and jaw. His arms wrap tightly around her waist and she breathes him in, the scent that’s lingered in her dreams every night since the last, and his arms feel like she’s finally home. He’s there, every part of him taking over her senses and it’s like she can finally breathe after drowning for so long. He lifts her feet off the floor, pushing her into a darkened room and closing the door behind them. She pulls away, looking at him…really looking at him for what feels like the first time, and she’s unable to stop the tears from running down her cheeks. He grabs her face, his eyes searching hers. He’s so close and it almost feels like she’s dreaming. She feels weightless, the room around her spinning.

“Bry…” Harry whispers, and it sounds so beautiful coming from him. She doesn’t waste any time. She grips the lapels of his jacket, forcefully bringing his mouth to hers and she melts. His hands find their way to her hips, gripping and pulling her closer to him. His body melds into hers, pushing her against the wall. His tongue brushes against her bottom lip, begging to let him in and she does without pause. They need each other. He pulls away, their breaths ragged and shaking, from the kiss or from just being in the other’s presence. His forehead rests on hers, and he’s just taking her in. All of her.

“I’m not going to be able to leave without you after this.” He admits without remorse, kissing the tip of her nose delicately.

“I don’t want you to.” She says in a hushed tone. She pauses for a moment, looking up at him and studying his features. “But H, I think we need to have a serious conversation. It’s been so long, we never talked about anything and I take full responsibility for that. I left you, and I never intended to. Never. I’ve regretted it every day since.” Her voice trembles, admitting how vulnerable she’s been. Her gaze falls to the floor, shaking her head. "I didn't think you wanted me anymore."

“Baby, it’s not your fault. I promise. I will always want you. I said you were it for me, and I meant it.” He grabs her face again, forcing her to look up at him. “I am so sorry, I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you, if you’ll let me.” He cards his fingers through her hair, the tips of his fingers ghosting down her spine making her shiver. “I love you, Bry, I always have. I never stopped.” His eyes trace over every feature of her face, soaking in everything he’s been missing.

“I don’t deserve for you to forgive me so easily.” She whispers, and he shakes his head.

“No. None of that.” He kisses her again, unable to control the desire to feel her mouth on his. She sighs into the kiss, and he feels his heart pulling itself back together. “If anyone should be asking for forgiveness, it’s me. Whatever you want, it’s yours. I’ll give you anything…anything you ask for. Please just don’t make me leave without you.” He says against her lips. She grabs his wrists, bringing his hands to her mouth and kisses his knuckles.

“Take me home.” she whispers and he grins, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the room and down the hall, away from all of the people. Somehow Harry finds a backdoor and they sneak away into the night, laughing and running through the wet grass with their hands intertwined while Bryar’s shoes are in his other hand. Her head is spinning from adrenaline and nervousness. They find Harry’s car and she jumps into the passenger seat, Harry in the driver’s seat. He leans over the console and pulls her face to his once more, kissing her with everything he has. They drive away from the venue, her stomach in knots. Then she feels Harry’s hand snake over to her thigh, drawing small circles on her skin with his finger.

The drive to his apartment feels shorter than the drive to the wedding earlier in the day. They waste no time, practically sprinting into the building and up the stairs. He fumbles his keys and once the door is open, he pulls her inside. She doesn’t get a chance to take it in before he’s pushing her against the wall and kissing her again and again and again. The kiss is sloppy and wet, his tongue dancing with hers and teeth clashing together. He lifts her by her thighs, her legs instinctively wrapping around his torso. He forces himself away from the kiss, both of them breathing heavily and fast.

“Need you Bry.” He mumbles, dropping his lips to her collarbone and kissing lightly. “Always fucking need you.” Her eyes flutter closed and she hums. He knew how to make her melt with just his words, never forgetting what brings her to her knees.

“My girl. My sweet girl.” His lips travel to her shoulder, light touches leaving goosebumps on her skin, her body reacting like it’s never forgotten him. His tongue darts out, licking a stripe up to her ear and his breathing becomes heavy against her skin.

“Taste as sweet as I remember.” His voice drops an octave and Bryar audibly moans, forgetting that his words have always had such an effect on her. He pulls back, giving her a mischievous grin. His eyes have darkened and she down at him still holding her against the wall, her appetite for him becoming insatiable. She unhooks her legs, signaling for him to let her back down. Once her feet touch the floor she’s pushing his jacket off, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. Her movements are frantic and shaky, fingers slipping over the buttons struggling to open them.

“Fuck it.” She says, fisting his shirt and ripping it open, buttons scattering around the floor. Her mouth waters at the sight of him. She pushes him further into his apartment, he smirks down at her, walking backwards until his legs meet the edge of the couch and he sits. She climbs on top of him, knees straddling either side of his waist and her dress rides up and around her hips. His hands find her hips, grabbing and forcing her all the way down in his lap. She groans when she feels his hardened length pressed against her center. He moves her hips for her, creating a friction so sweet she can barely hold herself up.

“Been waiting so long for this.” He murmurs, running his hands from her thighs up the expanse of her body. He pulls at the string on the back of her dress, making it unravel and it falls off her shoulders exposing her breasts to him. He dips his head forward and flicks his tongue against her nipple, causing Bryar to throw her head back, a quiet whimper escaping her lips while grinding her hips against him still. She lifts her hips, dropping her hands to the button on his pants. He lifts his hips slightly, allowing her space to pull his pants down just enough. She palms him through the thin material still covering him and he drops his head back with a loud groan.

“Need you so bad Har.” She whines, and that sets him off. He wraps an arm around her, picking her up and standing in one swift motion, carrying her to his bedroom. He lays her down gently, climbing on the bed to hover over her, his knee spreading her legs apart.

“Where do you need me, sweet girl?” He teases her by running a hand lightly up her thigh, trailing it back down. She sighs, grabbing his hand and putting him right where she wants him.

“Right fucking here.” she says through gritted teeth. His smirk grows wider, knowing she didn’t want to be teased. She’d gone without his touch for so long she felt starved. He pushes the lace covering her to the side, his finger swirling around her hole and the arousal that was already pooled there. Her eyes flutter closed and he watches her, studying her face as he slides his finger up, tracing small circles on her clit. She gasps, mouth dropping open, he inserts his finger to the knuckle and has her writhing beneath him. He thrusts his finger, hooking and finding just the right spot with ease. Her hips thrust upwards and he pushes in another, stretching her out and making her squirm under him.

“Being such a good girl for me, Bry. Always my good girl.” His voice is deep and he’s practically drooling watching her come undone from something as simple as this.

“Need more.” she begs between breaths.

“More?” His voice is low and gravelly as he kneels down, but he never takes his eyes off her. His fingers work her open slowly, her hips moving at a rhythm that matches his thrusts. She whines and cries and begs for more. “He never touched you like this, did he? So needy for something so simple.” he teases her, but she doesn’t want to think about Sam. Not right now. Even though he’s right, Sam never made her feel this way and she knows it. Harry can tell, the way her body is reacting to him makes it obvious she’s needed this for quite some time. He takes his fingers away from her and her breath leaves her lungs. She feels empty and the burning in her belly only heightens. The emptiness doesn’t last long, he brings his tongue to her dripping hole and licking all the way to her clit, flicking when he gets there. Her fingers tangle in his hair and he works his tongue on her clit while he brings his fingers back into play, pushing them into her. She feels the coil in her belly tighten, knowing that she’s about to let go.

“Shit, H. If you don’t stop, I’m gonna—” she stutters out, her sentence breaking with a strained moan, and he works his fingers faster, lapping at her swollen bud. He shifts and stands over her, watching her unravel from just his fingers. He bends over, bringing his mouth to her ear and his warm breath tickling her skin.

“Cum for me. Wanna feel you on my fingers, sweet girl.” he coos in her ear, his soft words are all it takes for the coil to snap and she’s clenching around his fingers, the ecstasy flowing through her.

“So pretty.” he murmurs as he watches her face contort into an expression of pleasure from above her. He brings his fingers up to her mouth, instructing her to open, and she does without question, tasting herself on him. He strips the rest of his clothes off, her mouth drooling at the sight of his cock finally springing free. A sight she’s been so desperate to see. He positions himself over her, tugging himself a few times before lining up with her.

He drags the tip of his cock down her folds once, collecting her arousal before he finally pushes into her, and its bliss. His chin drops to meet his chest, watching the way she takes him before throwing his head back again as he slowly works his entire length into her.

“Fuck, Bryar. Missed this. Missed you so much.” He grunts as he bottoms out and she writhes under him, her mouth hanging open from the overwhelming pleasure taking over her body. “S’like you were fucking made for me.” He stills for a moment, lowering himself so he can kiss her. She whimpers and whines into his mouth, grabbing his face with her hands not allowing him to pull away from her. She grinds her hips up, pressing their bodies together to try and create some movement.

“Go, Har. Need you to move.” she begs against his mouth and he pecks her lips again, shaking his head.

“Wanna savor it. Wanna go slow, feel all of you, baby. Missed you so much. Need to remember this.” She throws her arm around the back of his neck, holding him close to her as he drops his mouth to her neck, biting and sucking and lapping at her skin. He pulls his cock all the way out to the tip before he slowly pushes back in, setting a slow, torturous pace. So slow that it’s almost cruel. Bryar stifles a needy moan trying not to make him rush, but she needs him. Needs the way he used to be with her. She wants it to feel like they never missed a beat.

“Harry, please.” she gasps out as his hips meet hers again. His lips brush against her ear.

“Thought you were my good girl?” He nipped at her ear, and she was growing frantic.

“A-am.” she stutters, tears pooling in her eyes. “Being so good, just missed you. Need you.” she says breathlessly. She feels herself finally slipping. Slipping into that headspace she had only ever been in with him, only one she ever felt comfortable enough with when she was with him. The tip of his nose runs against her jawline, too gentle with her. He knows what he’s doing, riling her up and making her needy. He knows what she wants…he wants it too, finding it hard to resist falling into the familiarity with her, like not a single second has passed since the last time.

“Har, this isn’t fair. You’re being mean.” she cries between shaky breaths, feeling the tears starting to run. He pulls back, looking at her face once and seeing her expression, hearing her say he was being unfair flips a switch in him. He takes her by surprise and slams his hips into hers, causing her vision to go white and her mouth falls open again. He’s going hard, harder than he ever has with her and her thighs tighten around his hips and he feels her clenching around him.

“This what you want? Huh?” He says through a snarl, his teeth clenched together behind his lips. “This fucking mean enough for you?” He curses under his breath, bringing his hands to her thighs and pushing her knees to her chest, creating a new angle that somehow gets him deeper. She moans and writhes and her thighs shake in his hands, but she hasn’t said another word.

“That’s what I thought.” he mutters, looking down and watching himself disappear inside her, his head tipped to the ceiling and his eyes rolling back. She wraps her hands around his biceps, digging her nails into his skin. He shifts his weight, bringing her thighs flush with his torso and her ankles by his head, he kisses her skin there, and his movements never falter.

“Look so pretty taking my cock like this, Bry.” He grunts, and she’s falling apart. She can’t hold in any longer and she comes undone, the pleasure pulsing through her veins. She goes limp under him and her legs falling from his shoulders, her body exhausted from being worked this way. Her arms fall over her eyes and quiet moans fall from her lips. Harry grabs her wrists, pulling her arms above her head and keeping them captive there. He holds them together in one hand as he bends to kiss her, snaking his other hand down her body that shakes beneath him. He just needs one more. Needs her to cum one more time. His fingers dance over her hip, tracing lightly to her sensitive clit. He pushes his thumb against it and her body jolts and she cries out.

“H-Harry, no. Can’t. Can’t do it. Hurts." She can barely get the words out as he draws small circles around the bud. She looks up at him with wide eyes, shaking her head and pleading with him.

“You can. Know you can.” he encourages her, feeling his resolve coming quickly. If he could just get one more from her, he’d let her be finished. He was just so desperate to feel her clenching around him one more time, he longed for the feeling for so long. He finally had her where he wants her and he’s not letting her be finished that easily. “You take me so well, just one more. Need to feel you one more time.” He kisses her temple as her head falls to the side…and her third comes not long after that, his fingers slowly petting over her clit makes it so easy and she cums hard. The moment he feels her tightening around him he lets go, his hips stuttering and her name falls from his lips over and over, his head dropping to her shoulder with heavy breaths.

They lay there like that for a moment, his weight on top of her as she lazily wraps her arms around the back of his neck. Their heartbeats are thundering in both of their chests, and he hums as her fingernails run over his shoulder. They’re both silent for what feels like too long, but finally Harry stands and he walks off to the bathroom, bringing back essentials to help her clean up. He goes to his closet, pulling out an old shirt for her to wear, one he’s seen her in countless times before. They settle in the bed, and he pulls her to his chest, breathing her in, and he feels complete. She feels at home. Their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces.

Bryar’s phone rings incessantly until it dies, and she can’t find it in her heart to care. The adrenaline that was coursing through her veins for the past few hours was finally fading, growing sleepy while wrapped up in Harry’s arms, and that’s all she ever really wanted. It was fate, seeing him tonight, and maybe she always knew in the back of her mind that they would find their way back to each other. She lifts her tired eyes to his face, from his tousled hair to the stubble growing over his chin. Smiling, she brings her hand up to his cheek. He opens one eye, peeking at her. She smiles shyly at him, and he smirks back.

“Hi.” She whispers and the smile on her face grows.

“Hi.” He whispers back, trailing his hand down her arm. He moves closer, kissing her forehead, then the tip of her nose, then her lips. She closes her eyes, nuzzling closer to him and breathes out deep through her nose.

“I love you.” She mumbles.

“I love you, Bry.” He says into her hair, the familiar scent of strawberry filling his senses.

“Forever?” She asks for reassurance, even though she already knew the answer, her eyes falling closed, sleep consuming her mind.

“Forever.” She hears him say quietly before she falls asleep with his hand drawing shapes along her spine, the scene identical to ones they used to share countless times, many years ago. She feels comfort. She feels safe. And if you wanted to make the long story of their love short…for her, it was always going to be him, and for him, it would always be her.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · 𖥸· ─────── · ·

taglist: @indierockgirrl (tagging you because you said you wanted to be tagged in everything and i just love you so much for that <3)

#harry styles #harry #styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x fmc #fic #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles x oc #smut #right where you left me #wrongplacerighttime #exes to lovers #normal!harry #normal!fmc #harry fic #harry styles fic #harry styles au

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mxlfoydraco · 2 years

Note

What are your favourite fics with Draco in them?

This is a bit broad though isn’t it? I can name a few with varying degrees of Draco focus.

I’m gonna cheat and name Here's Looking at You Kid by @little-shit-soph first, which is a George/Blaise fic but the latest chapter was Draco POV with Drarry and it was brilliant! Also reccing the fic as a whole, I love it.

The Man Who Lived by @e-sebastian (253k)

Draco breaks a cup, and one thing leads to another. A story of redemption, tattoos, dreams, mistakes, green eyes, long conversations, and copious amounts of coffee.

Set in New York twelve years after the war.

Heal Thyself by @astolat (46k)

"Are you going for the course?" Lovegood asked. "You have the NEWTs.”

“What course?” Draco said, then, “No, don’t be ridiculous,” when he realized she meant the notice pinned up on the board he’d been staring at: Applicants To The Introductory Mediwizard Course For The Coming Term Shall Present Themselves In The Chief Mediwizard’s Office By August 24th.

“Oh, I thought you might,” she said. “Well, goodbye.” And off she wandered again in her addled way.

Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered (153k)

Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him.

There Is Always the Moon by @firethesound (159k)

Draco's life after the war is everything he wanted it to be: it's simple, and quiet, and predictable, and safe. But when a mysterious curse shatters the peace he'd worked so hard to build, there's only one person he can trust to help him. After all, Harry Potter has saved his life before. Now Draco has to believe that Potter will be able to do it one more time. (A remix of If the Sun Goes Black by pasdexcuses)

Nor All That Glisters by @sweet-s0rr0w (110k)

Lonely and frustrated on house arrest, with no prospects for the future, Draco begins brewing Felix Felicis in an attempt to improve his lot. Just in the short term, of course. He isn’t a total idiot.

But before long he finds himself with a thriving business, a nice flat, some actual (albeit irritatingly Gryffindor) friends, and a very satisfying sex life. What’s more, no-one is hexing him in the street. And Harry Potter is single, and gorgeous, and giving Draco decidedly interested looks.

Stop taking the Felix? You must be joking…l

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (114k)

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

A Big Black Sky by alexmeg (90k)

Draco shifts his head as he turns to look at Scorpius, his cheek touching the pillow. "Did you know that…" He pauses, his throat convulsing, and it sounds audible in the silence, besides Michael's steady, even breathing from the other bedroom.

Scorpius is staring back at him, in wait of something new to learn, a beautiful and intelligent child. He has Draco's mind. He has Draco's eyes and nose and mouth and hair. He is his. All his. All he has of Michael are his wild curls and the green of his eyes, and sometimes he looks into them and imagines that they aren't Michael's, but someone else's.

Draco leans his head closer, biting the quiver out of his lips before he breathes a laden and shuddering exhale, and he whispers, "You are my star in a big black sky."

Sourdough by @academicdisasterfic (17k)

Draco writes romance novels and doesn't leave his apartment much. Harry bakes bread and sells it to Draco. Draco is quite weird. Harry might like that.

Waiting By An Open Door by @femmequixotic and @noeeon (29k)

Draco starts following Potterwatch secretly during the War. He wishes Potter would come save him too. But that sort of thing only happens in fairy tales, and Malfoys don't get fairy tale endings, do they?

Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by @norelationtoatticus (104k)

Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

you've got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass (20k)

When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want.

He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try.

Kept in Cages by @sweet-s0rr0w (76k)

Deep in the heart of the Ministry lies the Beast Division: a hidden room where ancient beasts roam, and winged creatures soar, and grumpy giant ferrets eat all your biscuits unless you keep them well hidden. Draco Malfoy would know – he’s been working there for five years now, after all.

Meanwhile, on Level One, ex-Golden Boy Harry Potter is stuck in another interminable policy meeting, completely unaware of the mysterious comings and goings just three floors below. But when a giant snake emergency requires the assistance of a Parselmouth, Harry finds himself thrust, unprepared, into Draco’s weird and wonderful world – and naturally, he can’t keep away…

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (61k)

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.

And it really doesn’t seem fair that Draco Malfoy is back in Harry’s life, all of a sudden, and even though he’s wandless, and living with Muggles, and making his mother cry with his lifestyle choices, he’s happy. So what's he doing right, that Harry isn’t?

Because things don’t really change, do they? And if Harry can’t be happy, he’ll settle for a good night’s sleep, some posh antiques, and the opportunity to find out what Malfoy has been up to for all these years.

And that’s what starts it all.

Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by @6balls (49k)

Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

Burn the Witch by @lettersbyelise (95k)

When Harry Potter is sent in to investigate Draco Malfoy’s successful potions company, posing as Draco’s bodyguard, he doesn’t know the case will launch a series of events that will change his life — and Draco’s.

A story about choices, scars, Chopin piano pieces, and finding all kinds of love in the most unexpected places.

Who we are in the shadows by @quicksilvermaid (99k)

What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise?

Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life. When he comes across Draco Malfoy in the criminal underbelly of Wizarding London and in need of protection, Harry figures bringing him in to face the Ministry's justice is his ticket back to everything he's lost.

But nothing is exactly as it seems. Not even Harry himself. And as he gets drawn further and further into Malfoy's world of honour and deception he finds himself questioning everything he thought he knew—about his childhood nemesis, the Ministry job he misses so much, and most of all, about himself.

What happens when you’re forced to see that you were wrong?

Changing Tides by @carpemermaidtales (109k)

Draco has spent half of his life spouting the things his father has taught him without much thought about how he feels about what he says. When he unexpectedly comes face to face with the Dark Lord, he grapples with the harsh realities of the world and struggles with his changing views on life. Instead of doing what’s expected of him fifth year, he joins Dumbledore’s Army and learns how to defend himself, how to make his own choices, and how he can be something greater than his father’s example as he grows into his own man rather than his father’s shadow. The choices he makes change both his and Harry’s fates, intertwining their paths until they converge.

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fic rec #drarry fic recs #draco malfoy #harry potter #fic recs #@me please remember to update your goddamn masterlist💀

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dronarryfest · 2 months

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Well everyone, it's been a bumper final week for Dronarry fest! Here's your chance to catch up on everything you've missed before we post the masterlist. Thank you all to everyone who has been reading along - keep your comments and kudos coming!

[FIC] Snowdrift || E || 8k || by @wolfpants

London is drowning in snow, and Draco and Ron get more than they bargain for when they comfort Harry after - another - bad break up.

💭 Joining in the love for your established Dron here - oh my god. I loved seeing Draco through Ron's eyes, the way they were so in tune throughout all of this. You write atmosphere so well - I felt like I could see this unfolding. - dahlliances

💭 Absolutely brilliant, fantastic dynamic between the three of them, with poor old unlucky-in-love Harry (it wasn't serious 😭) and long-suffering Dron, loved the snippets about them getting together and the late night vibes, and the sex was just gorgeous, really soft and tender but scorching hot (also, let him show you what a real Weasley can do??? HELLO) <3 <3 - sweet_sorrow

[FIC] Stuck In The Middle With You || E || 18k || by @peachydreamxx

“You want a job here?” Ron finally asks, “Taking orders from us?” Malfoy nods shortly. “You want to be beneath Harry and me?” Amusement flashes across Malfoy’s face. “You could say that.” ~ The one where Draco Malfoy walks into Weasley's Wizard Wheezes in need of a job, and Ron, and his co-partner Harry, decide they can show Draco the perks of working there.

💭 HELP MEEEE I FEAR I WONT RECOVER. Gorgeously hot, the POV switches were so fluid and well-done, I loved getting to be in each of their heads. Absolutely incredible! - citrusses

💭 wow wow wow what a stunning take on their relationship. i love the harshness of it at first, and the way they had to work through all of their feelings via sex therapy to get to the love they were all too afraid to give. the sex scenes were SO well thought out, and really didn't hold back on the Dom/sub. i loved seeing draco in a truly subby role, and following ron's journey, and then harry's compassion… really well thought out on all accounts. thank you so much for sharing this with us!

[PODFIC] Silhouettes by sweet_sorrow || E || read by @cailynwrites

Draco's trying to fix the Burrow, Ron's trying to grieve, and Harry... well, just what is Harry actually doing, anyway? A tale of grief, gardening, and ghouls, bad memories, bad puns, and bad flirting, and nudity both accidental and very, very deliberate.

💭 This is one of my FAVORITE Dronarry fics from last year, I'm so glad you decided to record it! Your voice is magnificent and the quality is amazing. I love how you did the voices, too! Thanks so much for sharing it, I have all the feels now 🥰 - Schmem_14

💭 This is top tier Dronarry for me. Thank you so much for recording it and reading a beautiful story so beautifully. - wolfpants

[FIC] Borrowed Time || E || 8k || by @the-starryknight

Harry woke in someone else's bed, sleeping beside someone else's lover. Leaning in is the worst possible solution, right?

💭 oh starry, this is simply gorgeous. I love harry's sensitivity, and his tender feelings towards them, like a bruise, not wanting to hurt them and instead hurting himself in the process. romantic and stunning and hot (and funny, too, esp. the roleplay near the beginning). I don't think you've forgotten anything <3 - thehoneybeet

💭 Gosh, this was such a wonderful and sexy read. I love the way you characterised all three of them, the way they’re so gentle with each other, the way they’re all so clearly smitten. “ I don’t think,” Harry started, “I could survive that.” - this is such a great line!!! I could not put this down once I started this. It was SO good. Thank you for writing this for us ❤️ - sleepstxtic

[FIC] All This On Display Like That || M || 4k || by @elskanellis

Draco is good at: hosting; drinking; drinking games; duelling; controlling himself when Harry Potter is around; earning a chance to ask undeniably fit Ron Weasley on a date.

💭 This is sexy, funny, beautifully paced DELIGHT. Thank you for that. Can’t possibly say how much I enjoyed it in sort of an evil, chin in my hands sort of way. 😈 - shealynn88

💭 Good golly gosh! You can’t see but I’m gleefully kicking my feet with how delightful this was to read. I remembered your snippet of Draco’s declaiming and I’m so delighted to finally read it in situ! This was so fun, so sweet, so descriptive, so sharply narrated - an absolute delight AND a triumph. Thank you! - rainstormradish

[FIC] Bike Dream || E || 27k || by @dodgerkedavra

Draco’s going to learn to ride a bike if it’s the last thing he does.

💭 god i love your writing. your worlds are so FULL. so much love and struggle and support and HAPPINESS!! i laughed at so many different points in this fic but i also absolutely cried, and those are my favorite kind of fics. thank you so much for sharing this!!! - pocket-lin

💭 Your characterizations are incredible- as always, such a treat to read your writing. Thank you for sharing!

#dronarry fest 24 #dronarryfest #dronarry #draco malfoy #ron weasley #harry potter #week 3 roundup

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nodirectionhome-ao3 · 3 months

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WIP Tag

Thanks for the tag @kay-elle-cee, @alittlebitofeverything23, and @isahorcrux !!! This is such a fun one. :)

List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing

Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!

Then tag 10 writer friends

Titles

Kindly Stopped for Me: Chapter 33. Lily lives AU, where Lily falls into a coma on Halloween 1981 and wakes up at the end of GoF. Lots of angst and family feels.

The Joker and The Queen: Chapter 3. A Jily fake-dating fic. Shenanigans abound. An "Idiots in Love" kind of story.

James Lives AU (Title TBA): Outline & Chapter 1. Basically a James version of Kindly Stopped for Me. James survives Halloween 1981 in a way that I will not spoil for you, and wakes up later on when Harry is a teenager.

Forever is the Sweetest Con: Short multi-chapter. Jily as con artists who fall in love while trying to con each other.

Fragile Little Flame: A post-war Hinny fic! Most likely a one-shot, but we'll see what happens.

(I’m not including the KSFM Missing Moments that I’m working on in this, since I don’t post them on AO3, but just know that I haven’t forgotten them!!!)

Upcoming Scenes, Events, Details

I've been making some minor changes to my outline for KSFM, so the exact numbers may change, but looking at it from a birds-eye view—Chapters 35 and 39 are two of the angstiest chapters in the entire fic😅 So...in preparation for that...I'm giving you all a slight break from the heaviness of this fic with chapters 33 and 34. I'm hoping it won't feel like a crazy tone switch after the previous two chapters, but I'm excited! Chapter 33 is a bit of a transition chapter (setting up some important things!) so maybe won't be the most exciting thing to read. But it will include Lily watching Harry in a Gryffindor Quidditch match for the first time and the gang celebrating Sirius’s 36th birthday!🎂🎂🎂 So hopefully you all will enjoy that!! And then Chapter 34 will be a Harry POV and will feature some good old-fashioned teenage romance drama😅

Chapter 3 of The Joker and The Queen has taken soooo long to write because it's something I sort of have to be in the right mindset for. (I still don't have a full outline for it because I posted the first chapter impulsively before I really thought about the plot very much lol) But I'm hoping it will be worth the wait!! The chapter will feature Lily meeting Fleamont and Euphemia (and possibly some Potter extended family members too) for the first time. I've never written James's parents before, so I'm excited!

Oh man, oh man. What can I say about the James lives au?? I'm currently drafting multiple vague outline ideas as I work through the timeline that I want it to take place in. But, despite what I've said previously, I'm finding myself starting to lean towards setting it in the OotP universe after all. (but no promises yet!) I'm staying kind of vague about the plot of this since it's still very much under consideration, but I'll just say that Peter's betrayal and its ramifications will be a major focus. The betrayal will happen slightly differently than it does in canon (as some of you have already guessed!), and I expect it to be devastating😈

Forever is the Sweetest Con is a fic that has been percolating in my brain for a WHILE now. I haven't officially outlined it yet, but I already made the banner so it's officially happening! It will be canon divergent, and I'm excited to explore the cat-and-mouse dynamic that I envision when I think about this one.

Fragile Little Flame is a fic inspired by Taylor Swift's "I Know Places" and is also one that I already have a banner and title for, but no outline. It'll be a post-war Hinny fic (I've been wanting to return to writing them!) and will take place in the 19 years between the end of DH and the epilogue. I haven't really thought about the plot in detail yet, but it probably won't be epilogue-compliant. Harry will (probably) be a Quidditch player rather than an Auror, and the fic will explore Harry and Ginny recovering from the war and rebuilding their relationship amongst the chaos of both grief and fame.

Apologies if you've already been tagged! But here's a no-pressure tag to: @suzyq31 @nena-96 @uncertainwallflower @turanga4 @takearisk-ao3 @annasghosts @practicecourts

#wip game #cam writes #wip tag #was tagged

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biggestxsimps · 1 year

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I Forgive You

Draco Malfoy x Male Reader (Part 2)

A/N: I haven't watched Harry Potter in a while, like I said in Part 1 of this, I’m not aware of everything in the HP universe so let me know if I’ve messed something up and I’ll try to fix it. I haven't written in first-person POV in a while so I hope it’s alright 😭

Part 1: I’m Sorry

Y/N’s POV:

The last couple of months felt like something out of a nightmare, never in a hundred years did I think Death-Eaters would storm into our school. Though I was in danger, I couldn’t help but watch as Draco stood on their side, I still think about it now. How he looked so terrified, so worried as Hagrid brought Harry’s limp body to the crowd. I shake my head. I can’t continue to overthink that evening, I’m in safe hands now, I just hope Draco is too.

I walk into the kitchen, deciding to finally grab something to eat. My eyes fall on the leftovers from last night’s dinner. As I grab the container, I hear a ‘swoosh’ as an envelope falls beside me on the counter. The food now left my mind as I reached for the envelope, something about it seemed familiar. I slowly pull the letter out, quickly scanning the writing, I feel my heart sink at the realization. Why would he be writing to me? I prepared myself before properly reading the words.

Y/N L/N,

I’m aware that I’m, no doubt, the last person you would’ve wished this letter was from, but I urgently need to speak to you.

I don’t wish for your forgiveness; just for you to let me explain everything to you. I feel terrible for leaving you with no reason.

I’ll be at The Three Broomsticks tomorrow evening, if you feel comfortable, please come and see me.

Draco Malfoy.

I felt my heart skip a few beats, no matter the pain that boy had put me through, I still missed him dearly. Now I have a chance to see him again, to talk to him again. My mind wanders back to our previous year, I can’t help but smile at the bittersweet memories, flashes of sharing laughs in the halls to quiet cuddles in our dormitory.

I couldn’t help but toss and turn that night, thinking about talking to the blond boy after what felt like so long.

Timeskip

The day had surprisingly gone by fast, 5pm only an hour away now. I decided to start getting ready, I didn't want it to seem like I dressed up for him, but I still wanted to look presentable. I started with a pair of black dress pants, then slipped on a vest over a white button-up and completed the look with a (Colour) tie.

I walk over to the full-length mirror in the corner of my room, flattening the wrinkled pieces of cloth before taking a few minutes to fix my hair. I glance down at my wrist, only 10 minutes left, I let out a deep breath.

Draco’s POV:

This was a stupid idea, I doubt he’ll show up. My eyes look up at the darkening sky, if he were to show up, he’d be here very soon. I look back at the crowding tavern before taking a second to take a breath. I was ready to talk to him, I had to. I look at the (f/c) rose in my hand, it’s not much, but I hope he’ll like it.

Y/N’s POV:

I can’t help but stare at all the colorful lights and buildings, it had been a while since I walked the Hogsmeade streets. Often coming here with Draco for a butterbeer in the colder months. I sadly smile at that, it feels like a lifetime ago.

I take a longer route to The Three Broomsticks, wanting to soak in the views before seeing the blond boy. A wide grin found place on my lips as I looked at all the parts of Hogsmeade I used to hang out with friends in, small memories passing through my mind at the sights.

I stopped my ogling and checked my watch, I didn’t mean to take as long as I was, time seemed to just fly as I walked around. I shake my head, in the back of my head, I knew that I was just trying to prolong seeing him again, I couldn’t bear the thought of falling back in love with him just as I was starting to move on.

I rushed over to the tavern, not wanting him to wait any longer than he already had. I sigh as The Three Broomsticks make its way into my view, my eyes search around the entrance, stopping on a well-known head of blond hair. I take a second to look over him, his shaking hands holding a (f/c) rose. I feel my heart beat a little faster and my lips tugging up as I start to approach him, his pale eyes lighting up as they see me. Merlin, he was beautiful.

Draco’s POV:

The sound of a familiar pair of footsteps starts to grow louder, I gaze up at the sound, my eyes locking with his. ‘Wow’ The grin on his face making my cheeks flush. He was somehow even more handsome than I remember him being.

Y/N’s POV:

“Good evening, Draco'' I nodded my head towards him, his face reddening. He looks me up and down before opening his mouth, a mix of incomprehensible words tumbling out. “Pardon?” I quietly chuckled. “I-I’msosorrythatIleftyouthewayIdid-” “Woah, woah, slow down.” I smile at the nervous boy in front of me, taking his hand and rubbing my thumb over his fingers like I used to when we were together. “Take it slow, alright?” His body starts to loosen. “I’m here to listen.”

The color on his cheeks starts to deepen as he nods, quickly looking away as he takes a few breaths. He turns back towards me and starts.

Draco’s POV:

I feel my stomach flutter and my knees weaken at his touch, Merlin, I can't focus on anything but his trailing fingers. My head shoots to the side. How am I supposed to talk to him when I can feel my heart beating in my throat? My lungs let out shaky breaths before I ready myself to talk to him.

“I know I should’ve told you back then, and it was foolish of me not to,” I start. “I just didn’t know how to tell you everything and how you would’ve reacted to hearing it. I trusted you dearly, but I was still afraid you’d hate me and see me as a monster for what I had been forced into.” I feel my voice waver and pause for a second, continuing after I collect myself. My eyes quickly glanced into his own, watching as they pinched in understanding.

“I knew that if we were close, you wouldn’t be safe. Not with everything going on, not with all the eyes on me. I meant it when I said I did it for your safety, I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you forever because I was too selfish to let you go first.” A long sigh leaves my lungs. “I- I just wanted to keep you out of everything, avoid putting you through the terrors I had seen.”

“I’m so sorry I hadn’t told you back then, I truly wanted to, I hope you can forgive me.”

I stop, a deep breath bringing my speech to an end. I yelped as I was pulled into an embrace, Y/N’s coarse hands rubbing circles against my back. My eyes start to water ‘Merlin, how I missed this, him.’ I dug my head into his shoulder, the cloth soaking up my tears as his cologne filled my mind.

Y/N’s POV:

I couldn’t stand to see him like that, so conflicted, like he was last year. His eyes started to well with tears, and I just couldn’t resist pulling him into me, holding him like I always used to. My hands rubbed along his back as his face fell onto my shoulder, I loved holding him like this. My hand reaches for his cheek, pulling it up to see his face, his eyes hazily glancing back up at me.

“Of course I forgive you, Draco; there’s nothing you could ever do to make me feel even the slightest bit of hatred for you.”

“I- Really? You forgive me after all that happened.”

“Yes, if I’m being honest, there is not a waking moment when you are not on my mind; you haunt my every thought and dream. I couldn’t stand the idea of losing you now that I have you again.”

“Y/N”

“Yes, Draco?”

“Do you think we could try this again? Us? I won’t let anything come between us now.”

“I’d love to, Dear.”

Draco’s POV:

I can’t help but swoon at the name, I’m so lucky to have him back. All those months of planning and fear were worth it in the end; I was in his arms, and he had no intent on letting go. As I now become more aware of my surroundings, I feel the rose I had paid so little attention to in my hands, the couple stray thorns pricking me.

I carefully back away from his chest, instead standing half-an-arm's length apart from him. His hands now resting on my lower as I bring the rose up to his view. His smile widens impossibly larger at the flower, freeing his hand and grabbing the (f/c) rose before placing a small kiss against my forehead “You remembered” I meekly nod “You haven't left my mind either.”

“Since we’re already here, what do you say we make the most of it and hang out like we used to?” My eyes light up as I look up at that. “You asking me out on a date?” I giggle. “You said it, not me.” I accept the offer, and he takes my hand and brings me into the tavern we were standing in front of. “Butterbeers on me.” He grins before opening the doors.

Y/N’s POV:

It had been a couple hours, but it felt so much longer. Being able to talk to him like this again, treat him like my lover again, I couldn’t stop the smile that forced its way onto my face. My eyes wandered his frame, I took in everything I had been missing for the past few months. His silky blond locks to his inviting grey eyes, to the dust of red on his pale cheeks, to the unique marks littered amongst his skin, and finally landing on his plump lips. He was truly gorgeous.

He must’ve noticed me staring, because his ears also start to blush, I place a hand on his thigh, moving my face towards his. His eyes flutter closed as we share a long awaited kiss.

Draco’s POV:

My heart nearly beats out of my chest at the connection; it was everything I hoped for, the kiss just as loving as it used to be. I snaked my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands grabbed my waist before breaking away. “It’s getting late; would you like to come home with me?” His hand reaches for my own, fingers dancing upon my palms.

“I’d love to.”

A/N: This somehow ended up being 3x the length of Part 1, idk how I did it. I hope it’s comprehensible, I haven't proof-read it. Thank you to @sotvs-luv for requesting the part 2 to this. (I’m unsure if you wanted to be tagged so if not, let me know and I’ll take it out!)

Masterlist

- Written by Owner 1

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swiftieblyth · 2 months

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The Nightshade Sisters: Professor Snape

Warnings- dead mom, abusive dad, raised by aunt uncles and godparents, death eaters, Voldemort, violence and murder, Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, all other Harry Potter stuff

Let me know if there’s anything else!

ROSIE’S POV:

The next morning Draco and Rosie walked down to the great hall to get some breakfast. Draco sat next to Rosie, across from Crabb and Goyle. Draco was talking to them as Rosie was writing a letter.

Dear Moony, I miss you so, so, so much! I didn't get put in Hufflepuff with Ceddie or Lacy, nor did I get put in Gryffindor like you. However I did get put into Slytherin like Aunt Joyce and Uncle Tim. I already made a friend! His name is Draco Malfoy, he’s in my house as well. I don’t like that I won’t get to be with you on full moons now. Harry Potter was put in Gryffindor just like you said he would be. I had a panic attack as the train stopped in front of Hogwarts yesterday, but Lace and Ceddie helped me through it. Today’s the first day of classes, I’ll write to you tomorrow to let you know how it goes. I’m really nervous, but I don’t think much attention will be on me if Harry Potter is in my class. I miss and love you, Uncle Moony. Love, Cub

“What are you doing?” Draco asked, looking at Rosie.

“I’m writing to my uncle. I miss him, so I decided to write to him. Do you want to go with me to ask my siblings if I could borrow one of their owls?”

“Sure.” Draco replied, he got up and grabbed Rosie’s hand, to help her up.

“This way.” Rosie stated, taking the lead and dragging him behind her. “Lace, Ceddie!”

“Rosie!” Lacy replied, wrapping her arms around Rosie in a big hug.

“Lace… I… Can’t… Breathe.”

“Sorry.” Lacy let out, letting go of her, as she saw Draco. “Hi. Who are you?”

“I’m Draco, Rosie’s best friend.” Draco explained, sticking out his hand to Lacy. Rosie smiled and a small blush came to her cheeks. Cedric saw and smirked.

“I’m Lacy,” Lacy replied, shaking Draco’s hand. “I’m Rosie’s older sister, and this is our brother, Cedric.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Draco,” Cedric smiled, shaking Draco’s hand.

“Could I borrow one of your owls to send a letter to Uncle Remus?”

“Yeah, of course, Little Rose. Sugar’s in the owlery. Just call her and she’ll come to you.”

“Thanks, Ceddie.” Rosie replied, hugging him. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too, Little Rose.”

“So much.” Lacy added.

Later that morning Rosie and Draco went off to Potions class. Rosie sat next to Draco in between the big boys, as if they were their bodyguards.

“Professor Snape is the head of Slytherin so he should like us.” Draco explained to Rosie. “Actually I know he likes me, I’ve known him since I was a baby. He’s my godfather, so just stay with me, and stay on his good side, and you’ll be set for all seven years.”

“Thanks, Draco.”

All of a sudden the doors opened and Professor Snape came storming in. He stopped in front of his desk and looked at the class. Draco sat up straighter with a small smile on his face, his eyes filled with admiration.

“There will be no foolish wand waving or silly incantations in this class.” Snape explained. “As such, I don’t expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion making. However for the select few,” Snape glanced over at Draco and Rosie. “Who possesses the predisposition, I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensure the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death. Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to…not pay attention.”

Everyone glanced over to where Snape was looking, Hermione nudged Harry, and he looked up to see Snape glaring down at him. Draco and the big boys snickered, but Draco stopped when Rosie nudged him and gave him a look.

“Potter!” Snape called. “What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"I don't know, sir," Harry said.

Snape's lips curled into a sneer. "Tut, tut -- fame clearly isn't everything." He ignored Hermione's hand. "Let's try again. Potter, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?"

“I don’t know, sir.” Harry said again, as Hermione’s hand stayed in the air.

Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, who were shaking with laughter as Rosie tried to shut them up, feeling sorry for Harry.

“What’s the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?”

“I don’t know. I think Hermione does, though, why don’t you ask her?”

“Miss. Nightshade,” Snape called, turning around to look at her. “Perhaps you would like to explain the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane? I do believe this is something you would know.”

Rosie stared at him a little wondering how he knew. “There’s no difference Professor. They are the same plant known as aconite.”

“Yes. I thought you would know that. Very nice, Miss. Nightshade, ten points to Slytherin.” The Slytherins started cheering and Draco smiled at Rosie. “And I’d like to see you after class, Miss. Nightshade.”

After class finished Draco got up and looked at her. “Are you going to be okay? Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No, I’ll be okay, Draco. But I wouldn’t mind if you waited outside.”

“Okay,” Draco sighed and walked out of the class behind everyone else.

“You wanted to see me, Professor,” Rosie let out.

“I think you should know that I went to school with your aunt, uncles, and parents before they got expelled and banned from the wizarding world.”

“What does this have to do with anything?”

“I was in Slytherin with your aunt and uncle. I was on good terms with them. However your uncle, Remus, was someone I despised.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir.”

“I do hope you aren't like him.”

“I’m not a werewolf if that’s what you’re implying.”

“Good to know. Judging by the fact that you are in my house, I do hope that you behave more like your aunt and uncle, rather than your uncle and sister.”

“I’ll do my best, sir. May I go now.”

“Yes.”

“Hey, everything okay?” Draco asked, when Rosie walked out of the room.

“Yeah, Snape just wanted to talk to me about my family. Apparently my sister’s not the best student, and he wanted to make sure I’ll be better than her.”

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romaine2424 · 8 months

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Last Daily Blog September 19, 2023

Well, it was worth a try, but this didn't turn out like I hoped. For one, I couldn't keep up with a Daily blog or Weekly. My priority has always been on getting my writing done first, and since I've gone to a scheduled posting of once a week for my WIP, I haven't found the time. And since the goal of this was for more fandom interaction, I kind of failed there, too, so I lost the inclination.

I'm also going to stop posting my weekly WIP fic updates. My last post last Tuesday, and Reblog the next day got one Like. There could be a variety of reasons, but this is consistent. If I post a rec for someone else's fic or reblog something, I'll get a fair amount of Likes and Reblogs. If it is my own work....... So, since I have less than 200 followers, it's not a productive way to promote my own work. In other words, my fandom ego gets embarrassed. I do understand that I tend to write niche or on-the-edge Drarry fics. From politics to trans-female!Draco with Harry during the 2-year transition, and this one where we have bi-sexual!Harry (Draco's is in Azkaban for 30 years, and Harry has to marry to uphold the family bloodline). I get it. LOL

So, one last time: Chapter 15 of The Azkaban Letters is up. Next week Harry enters the Portrait Room to meet all of his ancestors.

Okay, enough about my personal issues. BTW I will continue reccing fics and watchout, @hd-fan-fair is coming up in October!

What I've Been Reading:

I'm thoroughly enjoying @oflights The Star Splitter. This is a Drarry Chapter fic that is updated regularly.

Summary:

On a routine time travel assignment to the past, Draco stumbles upon 7-year-old Harry Potter and witnesses his neglect and mistreatment by the Dursleys. In the moment, there is only one solution, even if it goes against all his training as a Time Agent: he has to bring Harry back to the future with him. In which Draco burns his life down for the sake of his former school rival.

@oflights is such an amazing plotter. Currently, there are seven chapters posted (34.5K), and Draco is in so much trouble that I haven't a clue how it can get resolved. It's truly delicious reading about Draco taking care of 7-year-old Harry but knowing he shouldn't be.

The Star Splitter on AO3

more recs and then fandom resources under the cut

@squintclover is a new author for me. She's got a very sweet 2 chapter fic going on where the first chapter has been posted. Twirling Cords (like in the muggle movies). I liked it so much that I perused her other fics posted and found this amazing gem. For anyone who loves Matilda and Ms Honey, Harry Potter; Miss Drew's Class; Y4 (2K) is a must read.

Summary:

A look at Harry Potter's life from the POV of his year 4 teacher, Miss Drew.

Snippit:

These are the last two lines of the opening scene:

We all go into teaching wanting to be Miss Honey. But none of us want to meet our Matilda. Harry Potter is my Matilda.

I don't tear up often, but in only 2K, I most certainly did.

Harry Potter; Miss Drew's Class; Y4 On AO3

Please give lots of love and comments to both fics!

Tumblr Resources:

How could I not do this section without mentioning thee amazing @sitp-recs. Reccer Extraordinaire! I'm guessing every one of my followers is a follower of Liv. Her pinned post is so nice and simple, but OMG there is so much under all of those links.

I was in complete awe this past Spring/Summer when she did the Rapid Fire Rec series. I mean come on, how did she do that? Someone gives her a prompt, and she turns around and gives 3 stories dealing with that prompt.

Liv doesn't do Fic Finds; she doesn't tolerate hate or neg comments. What she does is spread Drarry (fic and art) love in every way you can imagine. Tons of love and respect for @sitp-recs for all she does to keep Drarry and some of those rare pairs alive in hp fandom.

One last resource. I've had this on my list to post, but I couldn't track down the author. For those who write about Harry's childhood abuse, this is for you. If you know who compiled this list, please let me know, and I'll give the credit! It's well deserved.

HP Abuse

Okay, that's a wrap. It was fun!

As mentioned above, I'll still be doing recs and other commentary.

Cheers,

Rom

#romaine2424 daily blog #romaine2424 fics #drarry fic rec #resources #last daily type blog #sitp recs #oflights fic #squintclover fic

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rae-pottah · 8 months

Text

Don't Trust a Malfoy (pt. 2)

Fandom: Take a guess (Harry Potter)

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Malfoy!Reader

Y/n = your name

Warnings: they/them pronouns, trauma, bad parenting, (your probably used to both if you're reading this) ( that was a joke don't take offense), events are taken out of order from the story, shitty writing. Some People Live (Lemme know if I missed anything)

------------------------------------------

*Y/n POV*

As terrified as I was I grabbed on to the portkey, We spun and spun until we fell to the ground with a harsh thud. We looked around to find a large, short man with a walking stick in front of a dirty bricked part of a building with a rusted balcony.

"Get up, lets go" the man says and I realize I recognize him when I look at his face,

"That's-"

"yep-" Harry exhales, walking around me, I walk as slow as i can into the building and to the kitchen, behind everyone else. They know they, they love them, they're a family. I'm not part of that.

Walking into the kitchen they all hug Mrs. and Mr. Weasley. I stand straight in the door frame, hands to my sides.

"It's inappropriate to pick your fingers when you meet someone" my mother's voice rang in my head

"And this must be your friend, whats our name dear, Dumbledore left that part out" Sirius asked

"That's Y/N, That is. Isn't it?" Mr. Weasley looks at the twins

"Yes sir, its a pleasure to meet you all" I say shakily with a nervous smile, surprised and scared he knew who I was

"well, let's eat." Sirius patted my shoulder, I felt I knew Sirius from how much the little fourth year had talked about him, I wished to be like him, to have the courage to leave my family, there was one mistake he made though I knew I never could.

We all talked and talked, me and the twins kept pushing each other around and eventually Fred let out a

"I'll get you back for that Malfoy" I laughed because I thought everything was fine until the room stopped

"What about a Malfoy?" Mr. Weasley asked seeming confused

"M-me, I- I'm Y/n Malfoy" I said nearly with tears in my eyes, hoping they wouldn't hate me too

"ah- um, what- what house are you in?" Mr. Weasley asked, Sirius just looked at me with a Serious and scared face, the fact that a Malfoy knew where he was.

"G-Gryffindor, sir" I said quietly

"And your family? What would you te-" Sirius starts

"That's. enough." Fred stopped Sirius's words "Their family isn't a subject we touch." He stopped the conversation and grabbed my hand under the table, as I looked down a tear fell straight into my lap.

--------------------------------------------------

After we were all done eating, it was time for some important information exchange.

"Darling, um would you mind stepping out while we- talk about some things"

"Of course, apologies, I'm sure I'll find something to look at" I laugh quietly all of the adults giving me a small smile

"Y/n stays." Fred and George say at the same time

"This is a family matter" Sirius stares at them plainly

"That's why they stay." Harry let's out loudly, Sirius turns to him in shock while I look at him in amazement another tear finds it's way down my face

"I-its quite alright I can-" I get cut off by Sirius

"If he feels that strongly about it, I trust his judgement. If you have anything you're willing to add we will take it into account" while looking at me

I gave them all the information I had and they let me listen to what they were planning, the trust they put in me making my heart swell

But as time went by, we had to go back to hogwarts.

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Part 3

#harry potter #weasley family #ginny weasley #ron weasley #george weasley #fred weasley #weasley twins #hogwarts #slytherin #weasley wednesday

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mixedstyles · 2 years

Text

As Long as You Are Part 4

ALaYA Masterlist | Main Masterlist | send me things!

Author's Note: Hi! I’m posting Part 4, Part 5, AND a social media blurb all within a day of each other. The social media blurb that goes with Part 4/5 very much goes with them. You'll notice connections between comments/photos and what goes on in this part and the next! Which I think is pretty fun. The reason I’m posting 2 parts one after the other is because I split one gigantic section into 2. I was planning on uploading 4 and 5 at the same time but I’m wanting to get at least one part out ASAP. 5 will be posted within the next day (7/22-23) Big thank you to @tati813 for continuously supporting this story and my work AND all of you others. I would not be writing this without your support. This has not been proofread for mistakes. THERE’S A MINI SOCIAL MEDIA POST AT THE END 😌

Pronouns Used: She/Her (use of y/n) POV: Third Person. Warnings: swearing, mention of anxiety Word Count: 2740

Harry x musician!reader: The Concert

The time between Harry asking if he could stop by the studio and the day of Y/N’s show was a blur. Y/N and Auden had decided to not attend Harry’s concert for two reasons: they didn’t want to seem like stalkers, and they couldn’t get tickets. At one point Auden had tried to convince Y/N to just give in and ask him if there was any way for them to get tickets.

“Just ask him,” Auden had said, “say you were wondering if you could meet earlier.”

Y/N told Auden that she wanted to go just as bad but figured it probably wasn’t the best way to go about becoming friends with him.

“Y/N, honey, he’s been talking to you for like… a week or something. I’d say you guys are friends, or at the very least almost friends.”

Y/N, of course, had ignored the comment, saying she would believe it when he said it himself. Auden cursed her friend for being so stubborn before dropping the subject altogether, realizing that pushing further would be futile.

And as fast as those days had gone, the day of Y/N’s gig went excruciatingly slow. Y/N had hoped that the day of her gig would go by just as fast as the other days, however that was not the case. It went by excruciatingly slowly. She was behind the stage curtain trying to calm her nerves in the ten minutes before the show started, knowing that going on when her anxiety levels were high wouldn’t make for a good performance.

Thank god I’m not meeting Harry until tomorrow, she thought. Because meeting him now would be an absolute mess.

“Hey, girl.” A voice called from behind Y/N, who was still clinging to the curtain. Y/N looked in the direction the comment came from and smiled when she realized it was Auden.

“Hi,” she said back. Y/N let go of the curtain and headed towards Auden who had opened her arms waiting for her friend to walk into them. “I’m not sure why I’m so nervous.” Y/N murmured into Auden’s shoulder when she reached her.

“Well, I know that you’re going to do great. You always do,” Auden pulled away and placed her hands on either side of Y/N’s face. “I know you’ll probably say ‘you’re just telling me that because you’re my friend… blah blah blah’ but I’m telling you this because I believe in you. And everyone here believes in you too.”

“If I get famous can you travel with me and be my personal hype-lady?”

“Ugh, you still don’t know how to accept compliments do you?”

“I do too!” Y/N argued. “I just did!”

“Say ‘thanks Auden, I know I’m going to do well, my anxiety is just being a lil bitch’.” Y/N said nothing. “Say ittt.” she dragged out.

“Thank you Auden, I know I’m going to do well, my anxiety is just being a lil bitch.” Y/N said mockingly.

Auden threw her head back and screamed, “FUCK ANXIETY!”

“Auden stop! Shhh.” Y/N lurched forward to cover Auden’s mouth, worried people were going to hear. Auden stepped further away just in time to just miss Y/N’s hand.

“Nope, say it. Say it and I’ll quiet down. Fuck. Anxiety.”

“Aud, come on. I’m 25 and you’re 23, we’re not children.” Auden only responded by yelling once more and running away. “You’re causing me more anxiety now.”

“Sure, but you forgot that you were waiting for the show to start because you were too focused on your wonderful, amazing, genius of a friend.”

Y/N looked towards the large clock above the backstage entrance and read that there was only two minutes until the show began. She would have never admitted it to her, but Auden’s little fiasco did indeed help.

“Hmph. I’ll see you after,” and Y/N headed off back to where she had started: behind the curtain, preparing to enter.

“How did you even get tickets?” Mitch asked.

“I saw her Instagram post earlier in the week and bought them.” Harry answered. “I knew we would be in New York so I figured we could come over.” Mitched looked at Harry curiously, wondering why exactly he wanted to come. But Mitch didn’t want to press any further about why Harry really wanted to go.

“How are we going to get in there unseen?”

“Yeah… I thought about that but didn’t get very far.”

“So you bought tickets and then didn’t think about any of the logistics?” Mitch was confused. Sure Harry would occasionally do things without thinking them all the way through, but he normally thought out most things that were in public. Just because of who he was.

“Well when you put it like that… no, no I didn’t.” Harry answered.

“Are we just going to wait for the crowd to get smaller and then go in?”

“Hmm, actually maybe I have an idea.” Harry pulled out his phone and began looking through the various apps before he got to the one he wanted.

“I’d like to know before you do it because you didn’t fully think-out this one. So I’m unsure whatever you’re doing now is going to be any better.”

“Y/N’s best friend Auden is probably going to be there, so I figured maybe I’ll message her on Instagram and see if she has a back entrance for us to get in through. Sound good?” Mitch nodded in agreement and let Harry go on with his plan.

━━━━

Direct Message: auden.png

Hey! This is Harry, I was wondering if you’re at Y/N’s show tonight?

Oh my gosh! Hi! I knew it was you, it says whose account messages you lol And I am! Why?

Well, I got tickets to the show and my friend Mitch and I are here but we’re worried about creating a scene We’d rather not do that at her own concert We were wondering if there was any way for you to let us in through the back door? Sorry, Mitch wants me to clarify that it was ME who was wanting to know If it’s not possible please do not worry I’m guessing you’re here to support your friend so I don’t want us distracting you

Okay wow That’s a lot to take in It’s so sweet you bought tickets 🥺😭 Please don’t tell her I told you this, but she will freak when she hears you were at her concert But to answer your question I can indeed sneak you guys in I don’t think you’ll be able to stay backstage though but there’s a more secluded area that some security can be posted at (I feel like I’m making plans for some sort of military operation)

My lips are sealed I didn’t even tell her I was worried she would find it weird And thank you SO much. Where should we meet you?

This will probably sound like I’m luring you guys into a trap but I swear I’m not If you go down the alley between baby’s all right and the dermatologists office (yeah idk why it’s next to a venue either) and then turn right, there will be a door that says “WORKERS ONLY” knock on it and I’ll be right there to open it for you! If someone tries to stop you, tell them that Auden Otieno sent you that way!! :)

We’ll be right over!

ALSO we didn’t go to ONO because we were worried that YOU would find it weird 😭

You guys were gonna go? You should have!

The other issue was that there were no more tickets Which came first, us finding out there were no more tickets or thinking it would be weird? You decide

Y/N should have messaged me! I could have gotten you guys in I always try to make exceptions for friends and family And it wouldn’t have been weird

I told her to message you!! She’s really gonna hate me (again) for saying this But she doesn’t think you guys are friends yet 😭 She doesn’t want to seem desperate which is also why she didn’t ask about the tickets

Hmmm Just based on the limited time that we’ve talked that sounds about right for her And we’re here!

Just heard the knock be right there!

━━━━

Harry assumed that Auden was extremely close to the door because the instant he read the message the door swung open.

“You must be Auden,” Harry said smiling.

“I am indeed Auden. And you must be… Harry?” She joked. “And you’re Mitch Rowland! Y/N is a huge fan. She thinks you’re the coolest. Now follow me.” Auden waved her hand in a sweeping motion and started walking in front of them. “We’ll go around the crowd so most people won’t see you.” She said, turning towards them so they could hear, “Some people might see but we were able to find extra security to make sure you guys aren’t disturbed.”

Auden led them around the outside edge of the room, making sure that there were as few people as possible that they had to pass. As they were making their way, Harry realized that there were actually quite a few people packed in the venue to see her perform. He began to feel the buzz of excitement through the crowd.

“Okay,” Auden said, “this is you guys, enjoy the show.” She started walking to her spot but back-tracked and turned to Harry, “Hi, Y/N would never ask you, and wouldn’t believe me if I told her, can I take a photo?”

“Of course!”

The concert started and all that could be heard was the shuffling of feet and the occasional small conversation going on somewhere else in the room. It was a surreal experience for Harry, as he had never been to a show that quiet. At first he was nervous that something was wrong, but then she came on stage.

There was applause, hoots, and hollers, but the moment Y/N picked up her guitar, the same silence from before fell over the crowd. It wasn’t a silence that was lacking anything, it was a silence filled with anticipation. The anticipation of that first note, that first strum, that first breath followed by her voice.

Harry hadn’t even considered the difference between the vibe of his show and that of Y/N’s, and boy was there one. Maybe it was because it was a smaller venue or that she wasn’t as well known. But there was a part of Harry that felt even when she started playing in larger venues the audience would still be quiet. Maybe it was because her music and her voice was so captivating that one couldn’t help but become entranced. He took a look around and people were swaying to the music, lip syncing with her, some had tears in their eyes, some were doing all three; but the one constant was that everyone seemed to be under some sort of spell.

Harry turned back to Y/N and let himself be taken by the spell too. And before he even knew it, the final song was played and the concert had ended.

━━━━

Direct Message: harrystyles

Nice show.

wait what? were videos already posted?

Nope Mitch and I are here Made a little pitstop

━━━━

With shaky hands Y/N set down her phone and stood up from her chair, trying to look for Auden.

“Hey Y/N?”

“Auden, thank goodness.” Y/N breathed out. She rushed over to her friend who was holding up her arms, phone in hand. Y/N grabbed onto Auden’s wrists and looked her dead in the eyes before she said, “Did you see Harry Styles here? Because I got a message from him that made me worried. And I will freak—” Auden nodded her head towards the phone in her right hand.

“Look.”

“What?” Y/N said as she let go of Auden’s wrists and grabbed the phone from her hand. Y/N stared at the photo on the screen, it was of Auden’s Instagram story. And there he was, talking to Mitch. Y/N’s head shot up, eyes wide. “Was this tonight?” Auden nodded.

“You know I love you right?” Y/N’s heart fell.

“What did you do?”

“I invited them backstage?” Auden’s voice pitched up at the last couple words and stepped aside, letting her friend see the two men who were twenty feet away.

“Auden…”

“Y/N, I’d like to introduce you to Mitch Rowland and Harry Styles. Boys, take it away.” And then Auden seemingly vanished. Leaving Y/N alone with one of her idols and Harry Styles.

“Um hi, I’m Y/N, thank you for coming to my show. I hope you guys enjoyed it?”

“You play on a Double Agent W?” Mitch asked. And just like that, Y/N’s shyness evaporated.

“I do! I saved up for a while and finally splurged. Honestly one of the most difficult decisions was what color I wanted it in.” Y/N walked over to the guitar case and opened it, waiting for them to follow. “Not a Gibson Les Paul like you play on, but she’s mine and I love her.” Mitch knelt down beside Y/N to get a better view of the guitar and gingerly touched the body.

“Reverend makes amazing guitars, no need to compare. And you’re still a student?” Mitch asked before standing back up.

“Grad student actually, but yeah, I’m still a student.”

“It’s an impressive instrument for a student. And in general. She’s a beauty, the guitar. I love the blue you picked.” Y/N smiled and rolled back on her feet like a little kid might do.

“Guys,” Harry cut in, “I’m literally right here.” Mitch and Y/N stopped their guitar conversation and looked at Harry.

“And?” Mitch questioned.

“Hey! I’m the reason we’re here, she should be talking to me, not you.” Harry said defensively. He reached out and grabbed Y/N’s arm, tugging her towards him and away from Mitch.

Y/N pulled away from Harry once she saw what was in his hand. It was a tote, but not just any tote. Her tote. The ones that were being sold at the show.

“Is that my merch?” She asked incredulously.

“Oh this little thing?” Harry said, moving the bag into view. “I’m not sure where I got it. I think at some fair maybe…”

“Don’t let him fool you,” Mitch cut in, “he was adamant about getting some merch.”

“I also got a sweatshirt!”

“This feels fake. Are you sure you guys are real?” Y/N looked between the two men, disbelief had finally set in.

“I’m pretty sure we’re real.” Harry once again took Y/N’s hand and poked his arm with hers. “Yep, I’m real.”

“I’m not sure if this is weird, and you can totally say no, but can I hug you? Just to make sure you’re real of course.”

A small laugh came from Harry, a smile staying on his face while he answered her question, “Of course you can.” And he pulled Y/N in for a hug

Y/N, Harry, and Mitch ended up staying backstage and talking for the rest of the night with Auden mysteriously reappearing at some point. She thought that meeting Mitch would have been more nerve wracking but it ended up being Harry who she was more nervous to speak to.

It was easy with Mitch because the two of them talked shop most of the time, but when it came to Harry, Y/N wasn’t sure what to say. She felt that they had spoken about most things via messages and her mind came up blank every time she spoke to him. Y/N was fairly certain she said, “thank you for coming, it really means a lot” around 10 times. Meeting Harry felt like hanging out with a classmate that you only talked to during class and never outside of it.

Thankfully Auden was able to help with the awkwardness that Y/N felt, and the conversation eventually became smoother. The four of them ended up talking until sometime around 1:30 A.M. which meant Y/N dragged herself back to her apartment around 2. She was so tired that her eyes were drooping and she had to consciously think about keeping them open. Y/N sped through her nighttime routine before she collapsed onto her bed and fell asleep immediately.

FAN CONCERT POST:

Liked by areyoulistening and 3,457 others

Y/NFan GUYS i finally saw Y/N live 🥹🥹 it was such a magical experience that I’ll never forget. @areyoulistening thank you for such a wonderful night.

areyoulistening ahhh devon!!! thank you so much for coming. I’m so glad I finally got to meet you in person!! 🤍🤍

↳ fannn STOP SHE KNOWS YOU BY NAME??

↳ Y/NFan She does 😭😭 she’s followed me since the beginning @fannn

fanpage04 I WAS THERE TOO!! I SWEAR I saw Harry on the lower level.

↳ y/nisbae WAIT HOW TF WERE WE ALL THERE 💀 I saw him buying merch 😭😭

↳ fanpage04 we love a supportive king 🤴😩 @y/nisbae

━━━━

tag list: @theekyliepage @tati813 @reveriehs @thomaslefteyebrow (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!)

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles x oc #harry styles headcanon #harry styles imagines #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x student!reader #harry styles x famous!reader #harry styles x musician!reader #harry styles fake social media #harry styles fake instagram #harry styles x you #harry styles fic rec

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seriouslysam8 · 10 months

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You portray Sirius’s struggles so well, and I think they’re so in line with his canon character. I feel like most authors either ignore and hand wave away his struggles, or they lean so far in the other direction that he’s completely incompetent and nothing like his canon character. It is so refreshing to be able to read about a Sirius who is clever and intelligent and protective and trying so hard while also struggling with his demons and spiraling downwards. Brumous is everything I’ve ever wanted in a Harry & Sirius fic.

🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

I cannot tell you how much that means to me that you love the Harry and Sirius relationship in this story - especially the characterization of Sirius.

I feel like Sirius’ character is often butchered in fanfiction. His childhood trauma is often ignored, even his trauma from Halloween/Azkaban is ignored. I find that a lot of people portray him as this… goofball dramatic person who makes serious/Sirius puns nonstop. Or he’s a thirty-five year old man having prank wars with the twins at Grimmauld Place. His drinking problem in OOTP is always overlooked. Sirius giving Harry pet names like pup or Prongslet or Bambi or whatever is just… not very Sirius. Or the overuse of Moony and Padfoot in post-Azkaban stories. Like… did they ever call each other their childhood nicknames in canon?? I don’t think they did, but I could be wrong so correct me if I’m wrong. I feel like those names wouldn’t be uttered ever again because of the pain that James’ death and Peter’s betrayal brings them. In GOF, Sirius is displayed as a very intelligent man who understands the complexities of wizarding politics and has extensive knowledge of wizarding families - no doubt a byproduct of his childhood being in that pureblood culture growing up.

Even when I write him as a teenager in Bête Noire, he’s a troubled teen who has been severely scarred by his upbringing. He worries incessantly about a threat from Walburga, closing himself off and isolating from his friends. At this point, he’s already drinking and smoking cigarettes as a coping mechanism at 15/16 years old.

Sirius is a very complicated character who has such an interesting backstory. To me, he’s the most interesting character in the entire series. Sorry, Harry. I know it’s your birthday today and I’m not shitting on you, but even you can’t stop thinking about how hot and tall your godfather is. You’re as obsessed as the rest of us.

That’s another thing, speaking of tall Sirius, that shits me about fanon Sirius. He’s tall, okay?!? Harry states it like every single time he sees his godfather. Sirius is tall!! He’s the tallest of all the Marauders. It’s Sirius, then James, then Remus, and then Peter is small. It’s facts, okay? It’s written in black and white. I nope right out of a story as soon as I read Remus or James is taller. The entire Black family is described as tall.

I digress.

I normally write heavy Hinny stories. I love them. They’re my favorite couple. But Brumous isn’t about Hinny. They are the main couple, but this isn’t a story about them. This is a story about Sirius and Harry becoming family and overcoming their childhood traumas. They are the main POVs. They are the main characters. Some of you may hate chapter 35 because it legit only has their POVs. Nobody elses. (Though @prewettpotter asked about a Ginny POV dealing with finding Sirius nearly dead in a pool of vomit and alcohol with Harry so I may have to add that to my list of missing moments.) Sirius finally getting help for all his deep-rooted issues is a major part of this story too. Because you all know it’s Harry, Sirius, Remus, and Tonks who go on the Horcrux hunt next story, you also know Sirius really needs to work on himself in order to really help Harry succeed. He needs to be in a better place mentally. Finally, after 34 chapters, Sirius is getting the help he desperately needs. He officially hit rock bottom and it took nearly dying and having Harry find him to make him realize just how damaged he truly was.

If you’ve read my stories before, you know I love to really dive in deep into very real and painful everyday problems people have.

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pebblysand · 11 months

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Omggg pebbles! That mia pov fic🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I'm so in love with how you've portrayed her. She's heart broken but she's gonna get better, I hope she does. It's so sad that she was so hurt because of harry especially when harry didn't mean to do so at any point. I wonder if harry actually thinks about her and regrets their relationship for actually hurting her. Also pebbles, how do you think ginny feels about mia at this point? Are ginny and harry sorry that they kissed when harry was in a relationship with mia?

Also at some point do you think harry and miss could ever be in touch? And what about her father? Will that dickhead ever come back to his senses and treat his gem of a daughter the way she deserves? Will they ever be in touch?

Istg i have soooo many questions about mia. Thanks for writing about her, I see so much of myself in her and i can't help but root for her ❤❤❤

aww thanks ❤️. you have a lot of questions about mia? that's good - i have a lot of thoughts, lol 😆 (for reference and for anyone who hasn't read it - Mia fic is here)

it's funny, i recently had a similar discussion with folks on discord about mia getting to her own version of the epilogue. i think people generally want me to say that she's okay in the same way that people want(ed) JKR (obv. pre-JKR becoming awful) to tell them that george was "okay." this sort of comfort of: we know they've been through a lot but they're okay, please-tell-me-they're-okay, you know? and i remember JKR was always a bit like "😬 is he, though?" realistically speaking? i think that's how i feel about mia too.

on discord, about her epilogue, i said:

i think her epilogue in my head is maybe a bit more… bittersweet than other people's epilogues. cause i think (and this is totally my headcanon, you can see it differently), she has a lot of good things coming out of this. she’s able to establish boundaries with her parents in a much healthier way, she learns to trust herself and stops being such a people pleaser, she learns that she doesn’t have to do everything alone, she has an amazing career - all those things made possible by her character evolution while she was with harry. but there’s this bittersweet aspect of: i think to her, he is and will always be the one that got away. and the kind of love story they had, at the age she was (20/21), those are the things that just stick with you, you know? and i don’t think she regrets anything she did/decisions she made, but there’s this aspect of: he’s the one she fell in love with, and he’ll probably always be the one she will compare other people she dates to. and that’s just… it, you know? and i don’t think she’s sad forever, i think she has fun and has a good life and maybe even finds another partner if she wants to, but harry is the one she's always going be talking to her therapist about. again, that’s okay, and i feel for her So Much, but i think it does sort of have this impact on her that never truly goes away.

i think to me, when it came to shaping mia's character, it was very important for her to have her own arc, too. of course, she existed in reaction to harry's storyline, and was going to help him realise some things about himself, but i also wanted her to be a person, and to grow in her own way.

at her core, mia is someone who is very lonely. when we meet her, she's in her last year of uni. she's away from home, in an environment that is not her own, and basically has no one who really cares about her. her mother is having a new family (new husband, new baby) and while she loves her, she's also replacing her. this is a detail in chapter 13 but mia doesn't even have a bed in their new house. her father is an absolute arsehole who tries to control her life after being absent for 17 years, and she doesn't really have friends. harry always says she has a lot of people around her, but they're school friends, acquaintances, going-out friends, not people she'd ever actually confide in. when she's starving herself trying to survive, no one notices. she says so herself in chapter 14:

‘You know no one else [cares], right?’ she says, then. Looks up to cross his gaze and takes his breath away. ‘Not my dad, not my mum, not my friends in school where I’m like,’ she speaks quick, rolling her eyes, ‘the token black girl with the funny accent from up North when their parents all know people - bloody Vivienne Westwood or something,’ she sighs. Her voice breaks. For the first time that morning, he hears tears in her words. ‘And, I don’t even hold it against them. They’ve all got objectively more important things than me to worry about. It’s just so fucking lonely sometimes.’

i think when i was building her character, i kept thinking about how lonely i felt during my first years in uni. mia isn't a self-insert in the way that i think we're very different people (god, i would have dumped his arse so much quicker), but that's definitely something i wanted to address in castles. in popular culture, we tend to romanticise our early twenties and uni years as the "best time of our lives," but the more i think back, and the more i talk to my friends now, as a grown-up, the more i realise that many of us have this very similar experience of deep loneliness and this feeling of being "lost" in the wild world of early adulthood. it's not just about mia's family, or her friends, or her doomed romantic relationship with harry. what makes her relatable, i think, is this general feeling of loneliness and inadequacy that we've all felt at some point in that time period of our lives. you're in uni, you're sitting there stressing about finding a job, a partner, what life is going to be like once you graduate. add to that that this period of your life is often where you get your first real relationships and heartbreaks, and it makes for a very hard time. and, it's terribly lonely because it's so romanticised that you can't even say it's hard, or that you're lonely, because This Is The Best Time of Your Life and #yolo.

and, with mia, you add to that the fact that she's broke af. like: she doesn't have money for food. in an environment where everyone around her has money. so, she doesn't want to admit how broke she is, doesn't want to ask for help because there is literally no one who would help her, but the financial stress is killing her. and, i think it's very important to consider that the money harry gives her isn't much to him, but to her - she later owes him her life and her career. the thing about financial precarity is, you can tell people to "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" all you want, the staple of financial precarity is that you're one major expense away from a catastrophe. people are maintained in poverty because what is a small expense to someone with financial security (say: having to fix the lights on your car for instance) can throw someone else in a cycle of debt that they'll never get out of. the money harry gives her is just enough that she's able to get her head above water, and while he always says it's not about the money - to her, that makes a huge difference. because, she's not only one major expense away from a catastrophe, she's also one minor donation away from being able to live the life she dreams of. she - quite literally - owes him paris. she owes her career to him choosing to believe in her in that moment when it mattered. could she have done it without it? maybe. but there is a high chance that if he hadn't given her the money, she'd probably have drowned, given up and gone back to manchester and had a shit job she hated for the rest of her life. that is terribly important. she'll always be grateful to him for helping her out when no one else did.

and, i think the loneliness is also why she and harry connect on such a deep level, because when they meet, he is incredibly lonely too. not in the same relatable, muggle uni ways but: ginny's left, the "buzz" and the elation of the first couple of post-war months have lifted, the press is saying he's gone insane, it's winter, it's dark, wet. he says it himself when they first sleep together in chapter 5:

Mia dances close; Harry mostly watches, but at around three in the morning, they share another taxi home. The fact that they live in the same building could have been a good excuse, Harry thinks, except that by that point, they don’t really need one. He’s already kissed her, trailed his fingers up her thighs in the club (loud music, smoke; he managed to just smile and not think) so it’s not exactly a surprise when he follows her down the stairs to her flat instead of going up to his. He kind of hates himself for the thought but to be honest, it’s been over two months since he’s last had sex and well, she’s offering.

it's kind of tragic but being "there" and "offering" is most of her appeal, at that point in time. and, it's in reaction to those who aren't there and offering. and so, in those months, they bring each other so much. and of course, it grows into something that is much more than loneliness-bonding. again, to mia, harry is the one who shows her her father is an arsehole. he's the one who believes in her when no one else does. he shows her she can trust people. i think the fact that he insists he cares about her, and will always care about her, even when they're not together, means the world to her. she's never had anyone like that in her life. and, in a strange way, by being an - objectively - shitty boyfriend, he teaches her to stand up for herself. because, not only is she terribly lonely, she's also such a people-pleaser that she never pulls anyone up on their shitty behaviour. she doesn't resent her friends (see above), or her dad, or her mum. when harry says this in chapter 15, it really matters:

‘You’re brilliant,’ he just said, instead. His voice cracked and he felt tears clouding his vision, closed his eyes for a moment. ‘You deserve so much better than this.’ She looked down to her lap, then back up to him. ‘Better than him or better than you?’

the question is rhetorical here and they both know it. harry is important to her development as a character because at the end, he allows her to be like: yeah, i fucking deserve better than you people. for her, that's huge.

but then, in a strange way, i do think she's rather nostalgic about it. because i think she really did love him and just wishes things had gone differently. because again, he's the one person who cared about her when no one else did and that's hard to let go of. i think she - again - has very conflicted feelings about it, which do filter through in the paris fic.

that said, to answer your question (I wonder if harry actually thinks about her and regrets their relationship for actually hurting her): yes, he does. i think that's part of his character evolution too. he knows he Fucked Up and it sucks. he feels very guilty about it. that's why he agrees to be the 'bad guy' in the end, when she basically asks him to break up with her because she can't, and then does it in the most godawful way. he takes responsibility for his behaviour, which is also very important to his character arc. it's very hard to navigate your late teens/early twenties without hurting someone without meaning to. what matters is how you react and own up to it. he struggles, acts like a complete douchebag, but in the end, he owns it. he gives her the story she needs to move on and be like: yes, he cared about me, but he was also an arsehole. he gives her that:

She met a boy who slept with her on and off for eight months and broke her heart, dumped her after sex and punched her father in the face. It's not a lie.

in a very strange way, that's an act of love and care too. it might not be enough for her to completely get over him or forget him, but it does allow her to have mixed feelings and hang onto the fact that she deserves better, which is already a lot.

but yeah, of course he feels guilty. he even says so himself in 15 & 16:

(xv) They talk about Mia, that night. Not that he brings it up, but in light of what Gwenog Jones said, he actually asks if she regrets the dating and the going out. There is no judgement in his voice, he’s just curious, and she says: ‘I don’t know, it’s complicated.’ She asks if he regrets Mia and he wants to laugh - same, yeah. He wonders if perhaps, these were the mistakes they needed to make.

(xvi) It’s a fair question, of course. How he feels about Mia. A couple months have passed. Water, bridges and all that. ‘Still a bit guilty, I think,’ he admits. Winces. ‘You?’ ‘Still a bit jealous, I think.’

so, yeah, regarding how ginny feels: of course, she feels a bit jealous. because she knows that he loved mia and cared about her. and, ginny herself slept around, sure, but love wasn't part of the equation. if you remember, she tried to date someone (early on - from october to january of '98) who she did like (but not yet love) and even told harry about, but then that blew up in her face so spectacularly that feelings never really crystallised. (sidenote: i actually think the matt incident probably had even more of an impact on her than sleeping around because this was the first person she ever put her trust in that wasn't harry (post-amycus) and he dumped her in an extraordinarily dickish way (blamed her for the press, which she couldn't control) and that is also what triggered her to be like: fuck this, they say i'm a slut, might as well be one sort of attitude --- but i digress).

it was really important for me that they both have pasts and insecurities about their respective pasts because -- well, that's part of any relationship, isn't it? like, you should never let it eat you up, but it's normal to feel a bit awkward and insecure about your partner's past at the start of the relationship. and, also about yourself. you really want this to work and not fuck it up. so, like: harry feels shitty about treating mia like shit because he didn't mean to. he feels a bit insecure about the fact that ginny's been with a lot of people before him, and doesn't want to admit it. he feels insecure about whether or not she loves him because she's dumped him once before and, well. she feels insecure because everyone thinks she's a slut and she worries he does too. she feels insecure about the fact that he used to love someone else.

but, the important part is: they talk about it. and, that's how they grow and act adult, and that is what matters. the insecurities are obviously there, but they chat and reassure each other and that's what grown-ups do. it even comes up during the sex in 16 and i love how they deal with it:

‘Merlin, that was -’ she laughs. He laughs, too. ‘Much better than last summer,’ she adds. He’s got this stupid, self-satisfied, Cheshire cat smile across his face when she finally turns to look at him, so large it’s probably rather obscene, and a stupid (stupidstupid) thought suddenly hits his brain: I’ve had time to practice. He doesn’t say it, but she must bloody read it in his eyes because suddenly, a flash of recognition washes over and he wants to say something - anything - to take back that cringey, gauche thing he hasn’t even fucking said, and he wants to disappear deep - far - into the ground. He thinks back to their conversation at the restaurant, and: ‘Still a bit jealous, I think,’ - it makes his skin crawl. Now, though, Ginny laughs. At him, mostly. ‘Harry,’ she says. ‘Harry, look at me.’ Reluctantly, he does. ‘It’s fine,’ she whispers. ‘Just kiss me.’

there's acceptance there, and love, and trust, and that's what matters.

to anwer your other question: Are ginny and harry sorry that they kissed when harry was in a relationship with mia?

honestly, no, i don't think so, though. i think the kiss is the least of it. it's not about one kiss. it's about Everything Else, really.

regarding mia herself, she might make a cameo at a later date. not saying more. but i don't think she'll come back regularly. she needs to be away from him. she says so herself but this isn't the kind of break up where they can stay friends. it would kill her.

lastly, regarding her father (And what about her father? Will that dickhead ever come back to his senses and treat his gem of a daughter the way she deserves?): i headcanon she goes no-contact with him. you can of course hc different things but imo, that's one toxic relationship she lets go of. she knows harry was right there, and i think she's thankful to him for showing that to her, too.

so, in sum: i think mia moves on. i think she has a great life. i also think her love story and harry are always somewhere in her mind. like everything in castles, it's complicated.

#castles #asked and answered #this turned into a massive meta about mia i'm sorry lol

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