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meddlecine · 6 months

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Broken arm, mended heart?

I protested my alarm for the 4th time that morning. I'm not made for these hours, I grumbled as I rolled over, promising myself that just a few more minutes would make all the difference (not that it ever has, but it never stops me from trying). I hadn't been to rounds all week, my 'morning brain' easily convincing me that I needed more sleep, and my being easily deterred for the team's lack of enthusiasm for having med students following them around. Still, I knew that I learned best (and at least learned something) when I turned up. "We should go, right?" I text the other med student on the team. "Yeah... probably," he replied. Accountability. I looked at the time... 5:40am. Shoot, I was going to be late.

I pulled into the carpark with 2 minutes to spare before rounds kicked off. I'd been late enough times to know that there was no way I could park, make my way through the corridors and up the elevator in time to reach the office before everyone left, so I decided to hedge my bets at running into them on the wards. Trauma rounds were the Goldilocks of rounds: not as fast as surgery (where we zipped from patient to patient with barely enough time to read the notes), but not nearly as slow as general medicine, a specialty infamous for its 4+ hour rounds. I raced over to the 5th floor ward, and figured the least I could do would be to print off the handover sheet which listed out a brief summary of each patient we'd be seeing that morning. Weary eyed and still waking up, I plopped myself on the chair in the area reserved for the doctors and logged on. My eyes began to glaze down the list of names when I suddenly inhaled sharply and my eyes widened in panic. I know that name. Oh my god, I know that name. I hesitantly hovered the mouse over his name. 'Cyclist versus vehicle, broken arm' the note read. My heart was racing. Is that him? Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just someone with the same name. I looked at the date of birth. December. He always held his birthday parties in December... it must be him. I printed the list and anxiously waited for the trauma team.

After finally catching the team, I nervously made my way from room to room. We'd been rounding for over an hour and still hadn't made our way to the guy I knew. I confided in the other med student that I knew someone on the list—what was I meant to do? Was I meant to hang back? It wasn't a sensitive reason for admission. We agreed it should be okay for me to say hi, but after, I'd step out of the room for the consult. Of course, both times we went to his room, he was in the shower. We made our way up to the 7th floor, and I clocked that we were on our way to the café to get coffee, a ritual signalling the end of the round. Normally this was my favourite part of the morning. But this time, I felt a pang in my stomach and realised that what I was feeling was disappointment.

I left the post-rounds coffee chat as soon as I could and hurriedly made my way down the flights of stairs to his room. I knocked on the door, "Coucou!" I sang a little French greeting as I walked in. My warm welcome was met with a look of confusion. He had no idea who I was, and I felt myself panic as I realised that maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. Sitting on a chair with his arm held up by a black sling, he was suddenly being spoken to in his native language by someone in an N95 mask and bright purple hospital scrubs. Of course, I'd be the last person he'd be expecting to see. We hadn't spoken in months, and I hadn't seen him in maybe two or even three years, except for once briefly bumping into him on the street. He didn't even know that I was at this hospital, let alone on the team looking after him. I pulled down my mask for a second and smiled, hoping that recognising me would bring some comfort. His face lit up in response. "No way!" he beamed back at me. I sat down on his bed opposite him, and we began chatting as if no time had passed at all.

René and I first met seven years ago, when he and his girlfriend had moved from Paris to my city to complete the final six months of their Masters degrees. I'd been put in touch with his girlfriend through a friend of a friend, and had promised to show her around and welcome her. She and I quickly hit it off, staying in touch even after she moved back home at the end of their stay. Her and René's return to France culminated in the end of their relationship, and within a year, René had moved back to Australia. Not expecting to stay in touch, I surprisingly learned of his return to the land down under after receiving an invitation to a house party he was hosting. He was the only person I knew, but I figured it would be a great way to meet new people. It was the first of several of his parties that I'd attend, with me always excited to meet new French people. I'd never catch René for more than a minute or so (just a hello and an introduction to some of his friends) which never surprised me. He was the host, and an elusive one at that. He would either be welcoming guests, tearing it up on the dance floor, or mixing up a concoction of drinks behind the bar. My time at his parties were spent mixing and mingling with his friends, which never troubled me. Now he was sitting topless in front of me in a hospital room, our first proper one-on-one conversation, and it felt like I was seeing him properly for the first time. He had kind eyes and a certain charm about him that only French men seem to possess, and I knew at that moment that I was in trouble.

"Can I get you anything? What about a coffee?" I offered him. He insisted he was OK and that he was simply happy to have my company. I felt guilty. René had been sitting without a shirt on this entire time, and I noticed straight away that he was very toned, and very tanned. I remembered him as being good looking, but I'd forgotten just how handsome he was. His dark hair was disheveled and his face framed perfectly with his glasses. He had a book on his bedside table with a jug of water, his belongings scattered out in a blue plastic emergency bag on the floor. I felt myself being uncharacteristically shy, like I was caught off guard by a high school crush. In a bid to maintain some sort of professionalism, I kept our conversation going with the strictest eye contact I'd ever maintained in my entire life—a true challenge for me, given that my eyes tend to wander around the room and up into the sky with my thoughts. To make matters worse, a few minutes into our conversation, I realised with a deep sense of horror that I didn't know if he even had shorts on. He could've just been sitting in his underwear. I was mortified. Finally, he asked if I knew whether he was allowed to go downstairs to the cafeteria at some point. I leapt into action and said I'd check with his nurse, knowing that I could use this as an opportunity to check just how clothed he was when I came back in. (He was in shorts, thank goodness.) He'd put his jumper on, and I offered to help him with his sling. After one workshop on putting on slings, it turns out I'd retained close to nothing. I tried to put it on backwards, and handed responsibility over to René who'd been shown the previous day how to use the sling. Any expectations he had about me being a good med student were surely dissolved by now.

"So when do you think you'll be going home?" I asked, wanting to shift the focus away from my dismal attempt of helping him put on his sling.

"Well, I think today... I'm just waiting to get one more X-ray to check everything," he replied with his perfect French accent. "When I'm out though, we should finally get that coffee we've always been talking about."

To be continued...

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linastudyblrsblog · 18 days

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POV : you find the best spot in the library ( I can see these beautiful trees from the windows and that’s the definition of best spot for me) 🌲

Also dermatology is giving a hard time these days 🙂‍↕️

#studyblr #med life #medicine #studyspo #studygram #study motivation #dermatology #med student #medical studyblr #med student community #medblr #library #examstress #exam preparation #college studyblr #medschool #100 days of productivity #linastudyblrsblog

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the-remaining-half · 2 months

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9th March 2024 | Saturday

Day 1 of 100 Days of Productivity 🪴

Here is my day at a glance:

Started my new skin care regime

Ate a health bowl of fruits for breakfast

Studied my least favourite subject all day because mom picked that finger

Had study sessions with my bff

Used pretty study background

Ate all meals of the day

Did my night time skin care

Just doing all of this on day one made me feel motivated to do it the next day. Good luck to me! I hope I can complete this challenge and come out with better habits. 🍓

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i-cant-sing · 1 year

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My life before uni:

Me: I wanna major in medicine

Every doctor I ever met or knew : don't u dare

Yes exactly 100%

#one of the biggest reasons i got in medschool was so that people wouldn't say i was dumb and compare me to my bro who is a doc #i dont even like studying #now i'm gonna do that for life :')

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fencingthings · 1 year

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How to know if a textbook is british (apart from it being called the Oxford Handbook of Obstetrics and Gynaecology) :

"tea-coloured urine"

#never in my life would I have thought to describe pee as tea coloured #Apparently it's supposed to be brownish #med school #medicine #med student #studying #exams #medical student #medschool #medical school #medblr

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yibo-wang · 11 months

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Venting: medschool // please ignore I just don't wanna bother my friends or family with this

I dont think I've faced misery like I'm facing rn in general surgery like my consultant is the most meanest and rudest fucking bitch I've ever met. He's a grade A asshole and doesn't have the decency to talk to a student. Like ik med students are considered the most bottom tier in the hierarchy but goddamnit we're humans too.

I am literally so overworked and exhausted and it's killing me cause I haven't gotten the time to sit down and study properly cause I'm so busy with everything else. Really contemplating every decision that led me to this.

It's just that his ego is on the line rn and he's being such a man about it all.

#fucking dickhead i hope he gets diarrhea when he goes home today #⛅ rambles: medschool #i can't wait till im done with this place #sucked the life and soul out of me

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coveredinsweetpea · 8 months

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I am this 🤏 close to giving up medicine and my dream to practice neurology, just so I can go into IT, get a remote job and move somewhere in the mountains where a 4 bedroom house with a big ass yard costs just about as much as a one bedroom apartment in the city I currently live in. Fuck it. Give me 5 dogs, clean air and no fucking traffic. No neighbours?? Fuck it, I want it NOW 😠

#god i fucking hate big cities #everything's expensive #the traffic sucks like you can't get anywhere #the medical system is fucked and corrupt literally nepotism at its finest #none of my friends that finished their residency have found a job bc guess what someone's son is 3rd year in medschool and they're saving #the spot for him #the air isn't breathable 5 months a year #i live in the capital and half the time there's no hot water or heating #my parents can't stand each other #my roommate is intrusive and abusive and if i try to defend myself she plays the anxiety card #my best friend moved to a different country #god #fuck #i don't think I've ever felt this bad #i just wanna leave #like i dont have anyone to talk to no one to count on bc everyone has their own problems #and i literally just can't take it anymore #I WANNA LEAVE #i sacrificed 6 years of my life for that medical degree but I'd throw it out the window if i knew i could make it somehow without it #im sorry #i just have no one to talk to #just ignore me #if you read this far and you're one of the anons that sent in a request pls know im not ignoring you #im just 🥴🥴 not ok rn

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medstudblrr · 1 year

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lena-oleanderson · 16 days

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sort of a companion to this poem.

#lately i try to abstain from explaining my poems #i think they should be self-contained #i think they should speak for themselves #and you the reader can take away what you like after all #but with these in particular i do just want to say that the urges i describe are not truly ones of wanting to die #i haven't struggled with that kind of ideation in a really long time.#but i do just in my nature have an intense urge to self-destruct #(to stop eating. to go on a bender. to cease all life-preserving measures.)#and medicine - as much as it takes. and it takes. - it's meaning right? and it requires me to stay Stable enough #it's a higher purpose that needs me to stay relatively stable and turns out that i value it more than i crave self-destruction #so that's what i mean when i say it's good for me because i'm bad enough for myself #lena's poetry archives #poetry #medschool

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abbaddonadvocate · 9 months

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Long lunch break to catch up on some studying. Goal….. finish this book by the EOD tomorrow.

#StudyBlog #studying #personal #life #college #study hard #medicine #MedSchool #goals

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messyliferip · 1 year

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i feel like such a fraud when professors or family say stuff like “all of you will be incredible doctors” or “you are the the next generation of GREAT doctors” and i’m just there like a mole like an imposter….

#studyblr #medschool diaries #studying #medschool #academia #uni life #finals #exam season

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fightingdamonkebrain · 1 year

Photo

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linastudyblrsblog · 9 months

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endocrinology rotation check :

I don’t know about you guys ( med students) but I fall in love with every module I study , like how everything in human body is fascinating, studying every part of it might be challenging but definitely interesting and worth it

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the-remaining-half · 2 months

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14th March 2024 | Thursday

Day 6 of 100 Days of Productivity 🪴

It was a bit of a bummer today… Couldn’t get a lot of studying done but I did get one major thing crossed off of my to-do list. 🍓

Here is how the day went:

morning skin care and breakfast

PSM posting (which surprisingly went really well)

Pharmacology lecture

Lunch break but my friend lost his phone so we were looking for that

Microbiology practical (damn the prof was so good looking I was awake the whole time 😋)

evening study session

night skin care routine

good day ☺️

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silkylious · 2 years

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hello

#look at her.. writing something 😱😱😱#pls medschool is eating my entire life i am literally writing this in the middle of a lecture AJSKSK #silky talks

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missshame · 6 months

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I hate studying I just wanna create stuff and see the world I hate how little control I have over my life

#Let's make it clear I know I'm lucky to get higher education and I'm grateful for it + knowledge can be the greatest tool #It's just that medschool is killing me and there's just too much stuff to learn and I'm struggling so badly with it that at the end of the #day it feels like I'm not learning anything and I'm completely dumb and uneducated #I'm not even a good student but it takes all my energy and even when I'm not studying I rarely have the energy to do anything #The only thing I sorta do consistently is working out because it makes my brain shut up for a while and it helps the muscle pain I got from #All the stress and sitting at my desk/working long days at the hospital #Anyway I love complaining sorry #I just feel like I had /have a very creative artsy nature and I'm really suffering from the lack of it like not in a I don't have enough #time for my hobbies and to relax #Which is already bad enough btw I don't think it should be considered normal for anyone to be too exhausted to do anything outside of work #But I really feel it in a I'm not myself anymore it's hard to move forward and build confidence and a sense of self while having a life so #far away from what you love and feel like you need + denying yourself what you desire the most can't be good to your brain let's face it #Anyway long story short first thing I'm gonna do when I finally get my degree is by me some drums learn the guitar and paint on the walls #And in the meanwhile Idk do I keep living this way? If I do will I go completely insane?#Or do gift myself the right to give up on the idea of being a slightly less bad student and do I say fuck it and start living my life now ?#Idk! Idddkkk !!!#Oh my god

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