#mainly because he was choosing to ignore her... primarily because he was choosing to ignore her

[hoperays-song]

This Feels Illegal

Ash, as everyone's getting ready for the show in Sing 2: “Dad, I know we technically have permission to be doing what we’re doing since the keycards still work, but this all feels very illegal.” 

Buster, cheerfully: That’s half the fun of it!

Johnny, terrified in the background: I guarantee you it is not!!

#sing 2 #sing ash #sing johnny #sing buster #buster essentially just dragged them all into trespassing with him #marcus was probably less than pleased when he found that detail out #ash was trying to be buster's voice of reason all movie #it didn't work #mainly because he was choosing to ignore her... primarily because he was choosing to ignore her

[the-butch-of-blaviken]

ok, so. Long overdue Lambert post

I've been thinking about Lambert as a dad, or rather not exactly as a dad but responsible for a small child that primarily depends on him (as opposed to Ciri for whom he could be the fun uncle since Geralt was responsible for all the dad stuff)

I realize this may not be anyone's cup of tea, but what's fun about blorbos is you get to put them in situations they would never logically find themselves in and think hard about how that would work, right? So, why is it compelling to me personally:

as with most things, he can't avoid comparing himself to his brothers' respective experiences with fatherhood: Geralt as the ultimate dad of a princess/literal hero of a prophecy who literally travels across the world and an active war zone to rescue her, and Eskel as the brother who ignored his destiny for as long as he could until it came back to almost literally bite him in the ass

like i said before, he doesn't want anything to do with fatherhood; in fact, i believe he carefully avoids using the law of surprise to avoid finding himself in this very situation among other things. He doesn't believe in destiny (or at least, he doesn't believe in destiny having anything good in store for him) but after what happened to Geralt, who claimed he didn't believe in it either, you can't blame him for being paranoid

plus all of his available father figures range from shitty to extremely shitty, to the point where he's terrified that his very blood might be tainted and that he might be physically incapable of not reproducing what has been done to him

if he ends up caring for a child, it'd be in spite of himself; it would have to be an accident he would have no choice but to go along with, not primarily for the child's sake (that’ll come later) but mainly because he has no way out of it. So he has to be tricked into caring for the child (rubbing my little writer's hands together)

imagine the influence on his character development?? The healing process. The growth. This child embodies a sort of second chance by proxy: back when he was a kid, all of his choices were made for him, so he's going to make it so that this child can choose for themselves what they want (and, as a consequence, i believe he wouldn't tell anyone about them, especially not his brothers. He doesn't trust them not to get any ideas about feeding the child homegrown mushrooms like they did to Ciri)

also, i don't think he would consider himself to be the child's father, more like their caretaker or something equivalent. In fact, i believe being called "dad" is the best way of making him run away as fast as possible, being father is fundamentally associated to something negative in his mind. So he'd be there – he'd watch over the child and worry for them and teach them how to defend themselves, but he'd categorically object to being called anything close to "dad." (maybe it would also be an opportunity to establish a more horizontal relationship between him and his ward, as oppposed to the traditionally more vertical relationship between a parent and their child? Because he's so averse to authority, he'd probably hate representing that very notion in anyone's eyes, especially someone so vulnerable)

#idk what to make of this post tbh #i've been thinking about this for a while but i'm not sure if it's worth exploring through a fic. maybe when i'll have more time to write #if this somehow speaks to you and you have ideas about it pls pls pls i'd love to know #lambert #lambert meta #??? #my posts

[hauntedstarfishbanana]

15 Tips About producent skarpetek From Industry Experts

Africa is undergoing an unbelievable creative renaissance, it truly is mindblowing to witness. I not too long ago moved from the United kingdom to Ghana to knowledge Africa and its Inventive elevation mainly because it unfolds. In this post, I am intending to showcase a few of the most interesting Innovative makes to come out in the continent.™

Chale Socks

Chale Socks are an ground breaking, Ghanaian attire brand. Their bold, unique styles deal with utilising traditional Adinkra symbols and African designs and motifs to produce spectacular, inventive socks.

OhYesLord

OhYesLord is often a Johannesburg-primarily based streetwear brand. Their Main intention is to market African youth lifestyle. Their types are easy nevertheless eye-catching, capturing the totally free spirited nature of African youth.

Waffles N Cream

Wafflesncream is often a skateboard collective located in Lagos Nigeria. In addition to the collective, Additionally they operate a quirky streetwear apparel store. A hugely revolutionary brand, endorsing Resourceful self expression among the Nigerian youth.

Tongoro

Tongoro is owned and managed by productive media mogul Sarah Diouf. The Dakar-based mostly manner brand referred to as Tongoro studio presents bold, still easy layouts.

Selly Raby Kane

Selly Raby Kane is usually a Senegalese trend designer who makes highly creative pieces. Her brand name was born from a enthusiasm for city African influenced design and style. Her parts display an uninhibited design and grace. The manufacturer can be described as high fashion satisfies edgy, urban Afro stylish.

My Experience Working With African Creative Brand names

I've labored with quite a few African Resourceful brands. I observed the passion, commitment to their craft along with the willpower to succeed in a continent in which alternatives are straightforward to spot but difficult to capitalise on. The talent in Africa is outstanding, inspiring, motivating. Once i touch down on African soil, my 1st believed is to build, learn, make. Africa pushes you in a way that I would have not considered attainable.

African makes embody a uniqueness which is tricky to come across everywhere else on the planet. You will find there's Uncooked grit and fervour among African creatives. The fireplace burns strong, it is really survival on the fittest to choose from. The Blessed couple of who enable it to be to the very best can only but reminisce on wrestle, days passed by in which nothing looked hopeful, almost everything appeared hopeless but nonetheless they pushed on as a result of concern, obstacles and uncertainty. There is something definitely Exclusive taking place in Africa right this moment, I'm blessed for being here to witness all of it unfold in advance of my very eyes.

Some time again I wrote and posting on this subject matter. Even so, Letterman suggests his socks are not white. Effectively, They give the impression of being white on my tv set. They need to look white to Other folks much too or why would he make the remark. I assume These are grey or mild blue or such. Who cares? Don't They appear foolish on a person inside a darkish Brooks Brothers accommodate?

I don white socks daily. When I place them on Sunday to head to Church my spouse goes ballistic. I notify her not to fret. I will just producent skarpet pull on my cowboy boots.

Listed here are the initial prime 10 causes I gave for Letterman's white socks:

one. He has jungle rot from WW II.

2. He hates to look for matching socks at midnight.

three. He isn't going to would like to ignore his "Region Pumpkin" roots.

4. His brother can be a male nurse with a substantial clothing allowance.

5. It helps him conceal in the cotton field through the revenuers, besides he is a Chicago White Sox admirer.

six. He is undoubtedly an avid Whitetail Deer hunter.

seven. He operates an evening position in the bakery.

eight. He thinks he's Frosty the Snowman.

9. His excellent grandmother wore white socks and that is how he remembers her.

As well as the 10th explanation that David Letterman wears white sox is:

10. He hopes to Check out for another Mickey-Mouse-kind Disney Character.

Here i will discuss 10 additional major explanations David Letterman wears white socks but this time We'll use Letterman's reverse order:

Variety 10. He is recognizing the demise from the Polar Bear.

Number nine. He will probably Perform from the snow together with his boy and he isn't going to want the neighbors to determine him.

Amount eight. It ruins the photographs with the paparazzi.

Quantity 7. He can find matching socks at nighttime without waking his son.

Amount six. The healthcare facility suggests white socks for recurring crisis bypass operation.

Amount five. He read that Napoleon most popular white socks.

Number four. He will not want to be chosen as the most beneficial Dressed Man with the Calendar year by People Magazine.

Number three. He will Bermuda proper following the demonstrate and will be shifting into his white match.

Selection two. Paul said he looks excellent dressed like a geek--

plus the Primary motive that Dave Letterman wears white sox is:

Number one. It is an element of his Clown Go well with!

Fly Aged Glory!

#Youtube

[randomposterofstuff]

On the change of dynamics of Mikasa’s relationships with Eren and Levi

Author’s Note: Hi, all! I just wanted to share my personal analysis of two scenes that involve Eren, Mikasa, and Levi. The idea for the analysis just occurred to me randomly. And it made me think that these two scenes illustrate how much the dynamics of Mikasa’s relationships with Eren and Levi have changed over time. I don’t know if anyone has already made an analysis of this. But I just wanted to share my take on it. Haha. Fair Warning: This post is lengthy. Hahaha.

This is an analysis of two paralleling scenes involving Eren, Mikasa, and Levi. The first scene that will be discussed is the one where Levi beat Eren during the latter's military trial in Season 1. The second scene involves Levi striking Eren after the Raid on Liberio in Season 4. In the analysis of both scenes, I focused primarily on Mikasa's reactions. And at the end of the main analysis, I also posted my thoughts on what all of these could mean for Mikasa's relationship with Levi.

Also, SPOILER ALERT for those who haven't read Chapter 138 of the manga yet. While this post mainly analyzes the two scenes mentioned above, I also included some tidbits from Chapter 138 at the end to tie things up as neatly as possible. Hahaha.

So, anyway, here it goes:

-----

Season 1: The Trial

Back in Season 1, during Eren’s military trial, he was physically beaten by Levi. We all know that he did this to ensure that the Scouting Regiment/Survey Corps gets custody of him. The display was necessary to emphasize and prove that Levi, who is widely known as "Humanity's Strongest Soldier", is best suited to subdue Eren should he lose control of his abilities. Because of this, the Scouts were able to convince the Military Police and Premier Zackly that they should be given custody over Eren.

One of the most notable parts of this scene is how Mikasa was enraged by Levi's actions. Had Armin not stopped her, she would’ve probably lunged at Levi and struck him. At the time, Mikasa was gravely concerned about Eren’s well-being and was perhaps too furious at Levi to think about anything else. Because of this, she probably did not immediately realize that Levi had effectively secured Eren’s relative safety at the end of the day. 

During the trial, the MPs spoke of planning to dissect him, among others. Conversely, the Scouts proposed that he participate in an upcoming scouting expedition to determine whether he is a threat or not. They also suggested that Eren be placed under Levi’s direct supervision so that he could be subdued in the event of an incident. While the latter proposal still entailed some degree of violence, it was far less hostile and more beneficial to Eren than the MP’s proposal. 

Screenshots taken from Season 1, Episode 14 of the “Attack on Titan” anime

It is also worth noting that her primary concern during this time was Eren’s well-being. Mikasa is not cruel or heartless towards others. But it is worth noting that she was more concerned about Eren than the fact that he could have been a grave threat to so many innocent people. During this time, humanity inside the Walls was still ignorant of the truth, so the apprehension and fear directed towards Eren’s powers were justified and understandable. Yet, despite this, Mikasa was mainly singularly focused on Eren.

This is one of many instances which illustrate how she allows her affections for Eren to impair her judgment. She cares about him so much that sometimes her emotions get the better of her.

-----

Season 4: The Aftermath of the Raid on Liberio

Now, flash forward to Season 4 during the Raid on Liberio. When Eren was pulled onto the airship, Levi expressed his disgust and disappointment in Eren’s actions and behavior. He drove his points home by kicking Eren again. When he did so, Mikasa, probably out of habit and instinct, moved to intervene before Armin stopped her again. The difference here is that this time, she did not express anger towards Levi for beating Eren again. Instead, she had a sad and torn expression on her face.

Screenshots taken from Season 4, Episode 8 of the “Attack on Titan” anime

This is an indicator of growth and change on Mikasa’s part. While she still had the urge to protect Eren, she knew that because of what he did to the citizens of Liberio, Levi’s anger and disgust were justified. As a matter of fact, she herself was distraught when she saw the bodies of innocent civilians and children scattered on the battlefield. And what distressed her even more was the fact that Eren – her childhood friend, adoptive brother, and literal savior, was the cause of all the destruction.

Screenshots taken from Season 4, Episode 7 of the “Attack on Titan” anime

During this time, Mikasa had already begun to notice that the Eren she once knew was no longer with them. However, probably because of personal sentiment and their shared history, she still cared for him. It is likely that Mikasa still hoped that he would change for the better during this particular time. Even so, she is now wise and mature enough to not turn a blind eye to his terrible actions.

It can also be said that Mikasa is now better able to properly analyze the situation as a whole instead of just focusing on Eren. She understood the gravity of the problem and therefore acknowledged that Levi was in the right for feeling disgusted and disappointed. And maybe it can be said that she couldn’t blame him for kicking Eren again. (Lol.)

-----

What This Means for Levi and Mikasa's Relationship: Having Common Ground

As for what all of this means for Mikasa and Levi's relationship, I think that it can be said that Mikasa now has more common ground with Levi than Eren. 

The affection she has for Eren is rooted in a shared history and the kind of person he used to be before he became their ultimate enemy. Before the truth about the world and Eldians was revealed to the inhabitants of Paradis, Eren and Mikasa were long-time friends who worked hand-in-hand to achieve their common goals. The first was to keep humanity within the Walls safe from the threat of the Titans. And the second was to uncover the truth surrounding the mystery of the Titans. However, their relationship began to deteriorate when they finally learned of the truth, and when Eren gained access to his Attack Titan's ability to see the memories of its future and past inheritors. Over time, Eren began to slowly but surely drift away from her to the point that they had completely lost their common ground.

Conversely, her connection to Levi is based on trust and comradeship. Indeed, there aren't any explicitly romantic interactions between them (not yet, anyway. Lol.). However, it has already been established that Mikasa trusts Levi as a leader and as a fellow soldier. In the same vein, Levi also has faith in Mikasa's abilities. More importantly, it has been shown that Levi is capable of great empathy and that he has the best interests of humanity as a whole in both his mind and heart. This is another thing that he has in common with Mikasa. While she was heartbroken at the fact that killing Eren was the only way to stop him, she ultimately chose the rest of humanity over him and her feelings for him. She was even the one who dealt the final blow in Chapter 138. On this, I think that her act of choosing to kill Eren and actually seeing that choice through was her way of finally letting him go and choosing to move on from him. It's true that she said that she won't forget him, but then again, it's possible to move on from someone without forgetting them.

In relation to this, I think that it's symbolic (and perhaps even foreshadowing of events to come in Chapter 139) that Levi was the one to help her kill Eren. It's symbolic in the sense that by helping her kill Eren, Levi was the one to help Mikasa move on from him. It's also worth noting that when Mikasa declared her intention to kill Eren, Levi seemed to look awestruck and proud. He followed her lead - meaning that he trusted her resolve.

Images taken from Chapter 138 of the Shingeki no Kyojin manga.

This is particularly significant because, in the past, Levi (along with a few others) nearly always had to placate Mikasa whenever a dangerous situation involved Eren. Levi was completely aware of how reckless she could be whenever Eren's safety was in jeopardy. Even in the events leading up to the final battle, Mikasa still protested whenever anyone suggested that they kill Eren. However, when it came down to it, Mikasa decided that she would be the one to kill Eren. And when she asked for everyone’s help, he did not question her. Instead, he chose to trust her and believe her.

Perhaps this will lead to a deeper connection between them in the aftermath of the battle. Maybe this can be a foundation for the relationship that they will have in the future.

Anyway, that's all for now. I hope that this post makes sense. Haha. I'm sorry if it's a bit convoluted and messy. Lol. Let me know what you guys think!

#rivamika #levi ackerman #mikasa ackerman #mikasa x levi #levimika #levi x mikasa #aot #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan eren #eren jeager #eren yeager

[princeescaluswords]

Been thinking nonstop about what you said about the ways fandom chooses to include werewolf authorities and how it solely exists to maintain the status of quo with white men on top. But how interesting of a story could there be if they got involved during the Paige tragedy? They might already be in the vicinity due to tensions between hunters and packs, so when she's bitten and dies, Talia still tells Derek about his eyes being different but still beautiful like canon... but the mood shifts when the agents arrive, see him clutching a girl's body after her body clearly rejected the bite. What might they do with Derek in this situation? And Peter and Ennis and Talia (cuz she helped cover it up)? We *could* still have "Alive Hale Family" if they take them into custody and the Hales seemingly leave town. Mainly, I'd want attention be given to Paige's grieving parents, because dear God, their world has been devastated. Derek's storyline could be about actually taking accountability and learning about consequences.

Unfortunately, they probably wouldn't do anything to Derek nor would they do anything for Paige's grieving parents.

One of the lessons we can draw from the real world is that enforcement agencies are, by the act of their creation, designed to protect the interests of their constituencies. That's why police rectification is a necessity, whatever form it takes, because while police tout insuring order and safety, their organization and internal culture manifest these goals by protecting property and the status quo, to the point of valuing them over some human lives.

I see nothing in the Teen Wolf universe to think that it would be any different.

Given the attitude of all the non-McCall werewolves in the world of the production, any Werewolf Authority would be dedicated primarily to the security of werewolves and the supernatural, which means they would, by necessity, value secrecy and stability over full disclosure. Not a single traditional werewolf blinked twice over the concept of 'animal attacks' as a blanket explanation for wholesale murder.

Remember Peter's glib description of Paige's death as "another in a long line of Beacon Hills animal attacks." This was before the various Hale-inspired murder sprees on the show. So the Hales were familiar with the concept of passing off murder by werewolf as something else. Peter knew where to take the body and how to stage it. He made it sound like it was common knowledge. As if it were no big deal.

Any Werewolf Authority created and ran by werewolves would be created by people like the influential and rich Talia Hale, and we see her attitude toward the death of Paige Kraiskeva.

Yes, I've actually praised Talia's words as a gesture of love from a mother to a son, and it is a good thing when looking at it from this angle. But, on the other hand, covering up Paige's unlawful death as they did sets a terrible precedent that werewolf lives are more important than human lives.

If you don't believe me, let's ask the Boyd and Reyes families. Or the families of Peter's, Matt's, or Jennifer's victims.

And I don't think that an organization created by humans to supervise werewolves would eventually fare any better, because do you want Argents? That's how you get Argents. We saw that when first established, it was in reaction to one particular werewolf, the Beast, and his horrific murder spree, but 250 years later, the Argents had descended into seeing all werewolves as potential murderers. "Ever seen a rabid dog?"

Now, I know this may be a little deeper than the production intended (Cue Jeff Davis leading a choir in a stirring rendition of "I Didn't Want to be an Issues Show.") But it wasn't ignored either, because if we talk about the Hale's use of authority to protect their own asses, we have to talk about Noah Stilinski.

The ambivalence of Noah Stilinski towards ethical law enforcement has been well-documented, but when he does toss it out the window, it's always in favor of his own constituency. In any show like this with teenager heroes, adult authorities have to be more flexible simply so every episode doesn't have the same "how do we sneak past our parents" montage. Granted. But this production had certain scenes that either they didn't think through or they didn't care about the ramifications. The Sheriff interfered in the federal investigation of Katashi's murder to help his son. He watched Peter Hale murder the Mute. He got his son out of 17 parking tickets. He recruited a werewolf to hunt down a criminal who personally threatened him in one episode and then turned around the next episode and screamed about procedures he had to follow. He ordered the arrest of Kira on the flimsiest of evidences and then let Theo walk away after he confessed to involuntary manslaughter.

It could be bad writing, or it could be that Noah Stilinski is another in a long line of characters with authority on the show who use that to protect what they want to protect, and the devil take everyone else.

You know who doesn't? I'm sure you do.

For all that fandom moans and whines and bitches that Scott doesn't use his power to kill those in the wrong and protect only those in the right, it's a noticeable difference that he cares about those who aren't on his side, even if he fails to protect them from those who would kill them. After all, as he told Monroe. "Fine. Okay. I'll beg. I'll, I'll do whatever you want. Just tell me that we don't have to kill each other. That we can find a way to make peace."

Because Scott's goal is to protect everyone, even villains like Peter Hale ("You know, I bet you still think that there's something about him that can be saved." "Maybe."). That universalism, that belief that everyone has a right to live, is part of what elevates him. Maybe there's a bit of an issue show here, after all.

#scott mccall #scott mccall defense squad #teen wolf meta #cw: police

[emerald-amidst-gold]

OC Questionnaire

Thank you @1000generations and @rosella-writes for the tags! I love things such as this that allow me to flesh out Fane more! :D

I’ll tag: @oxygenforthewicked @the-dreadful-canine @varric-tethras-editor @noire-pandora @blueheaded and anyone else that’d like to give it a go! :3

----

THE BASICS:

Character’s name: Fane Lavellan/Aterian (The second name is one he’s rarely called until later on. Mainly post-Trespasser by those in his contingent of agents.)

Role in story: The Inquisitor (highly derogatory)

Physical description: Short, messy snow white hair and eyes that hold two colors instead of one (emerald and gold). Bears the vallaslin of Sylaise (full-face). Relatively angular face and holds features that are more indicative to ancient elves than the ones of today. Overall height is 6′1 and is far more muscular in build than other elves, but still slender enough that he isn’t mistaken for a Qunari. Entire body is littered with patch-work scars and has a singular, long scar upon his left cheek (inflicted by Solas) 

Age: Appears 24 (approximately 5,000 years old in actuality)

MBTI/Enneagram Personality Type: INTP-T (Logician). Fane is very much like me in the fact that he’s extremely analytical. He’s always questioning and trying to piece together ‘why’ or ‘how’. Sadly, social skills are lacking for him, and he comes across as proud or insensitive due to how he words things or his lack of understanding when it regards to why someone might be put off by his views.

INTERNAL LIFE:

What is their greatest fear? 

To be forgotten/Himself

Inner motivation: 

Rebirth. Fane wants to see the world restored to what he remembers (i.e. before the Veil was erected), and he wishes for his kin to thrive once more, to belong to no master but themselves. The birth of Yune (the last of Fane’s specific kin) awakens the ideal of ‘hope’ in his heart and allows him to believe that what he strives for is possible.

Kryptonite: 

Pride and Wrath. Fane has a volatile temper that tends to get him into trouble, on and off the battlefield. He is prone to bouts of proud behavior due to the fact that he’s lived for so long and believes he knows what the ‘absolute’ in the world is. 

What is their misbelief about the world? 

That everything terrible that has happened to him or that he has done thus far since awakening/being awakened is his fault, his choice. At the beginning of my story and in regards to the world as a whole, Fane believes he knows exactly how each person is (personality, motivations, ideals, etc.), even though he has no idea who he is.

Lesson they need to learn: 

That his existence is not a sin. That whoever or whatever he is doesn’t matter. He’s alive and he is loved, he is important. Labels do not need to define him.

What is the best thing in their life? 

Family (Solas, Mhairi, Cyfrin, Yune, etc.)

What is the worst thing in their life? 

That he had to betray family to support family. Fane will do whatever it takes to ensure Solas is never alone again and that his kin can be remembered for what they truly are, but in order to do that he has to make decisions, choices and those decisions carry a lot of pain and heart break. He’ll endure, however. He’ll always endure.

What do they most often look down on people for? 

Ignorance and faith. The faith aspect is mainly people wholly relying on that which they can’t see rather than the strength and independent thought that they possess. Fane despises those who use faith as a tool to manipulate or those who are willfully blind to the cries of the world and the suffering.

What makes his/her/their heart feel alive?

Primarily, Solas awakens the hidden or muted sides of Fane. Solas represents ‘the sky’ to him, and just a glimpses into the other’s eyes can make Fane feel as if he’s able to fly again. Having someone understand and know him for more than his rage and bluntness also makes Fane feel more alive when he’s used to feeling grey. 

What makes them feel loved, and who was the last person to make them feel that way? 

Intimacy of presence. Fane feels most loved when those he cares for is content to merely be around him, words or no words. Solas is the one that does this the most often, the two of them having had to use this level of communication in the past due to Fane being a dragon unable to talk or link up mentally with anyone other than spirits. However, Cole, Mhairi and Cyfrin also utilize this means of communication. Solas is merely the one that offers it the most. 

Top three things they value most in life? 

Devotion, Independent thought, and Support.

EXTERNAL LIFE:

Is there an object they can’t bear to part with and why? 

A crimson sash adorned with golden embroidery of halla and leafless trees. It was a gift from Mhairi, and it was given to Fane shortly after their father disappeared and the experiments upon his body ceased. Fane wears it either around his waist or as a scarf. He’s usually not one to accept gifts, family or not, but he kept this one because it offered a lot of comfort where it had been lacking for several years. Fane also adores his sister with all his heart, and to see that she chanced potential capture to gather the materials...how could he spit in the face of such love? He couldn’t, and that’s why he keeps it even Post-Trespasser. He rarely wears it as he used to during that time, but he keeps it safe and pulls it out when he’s alone to remember simpler days.

Describe a typical outfit for them from top to bottom.

Fane gravitates towards clothing that’s loose and practical. He refuses to wear any of the clothing that Josephine or Vivienne might choose for him. To start, Fane wraps his entire upper body in Elvhen wraps to cover the myriad of scars that litter his body. The wraps are usually dark brown, dark green, or black. Next, he opts for cotton tunics, short sleeved or long sleeves, but he’ll have tendency to roll them up to his elbow, and once again, they are either dark or neutral colors (black, grey, etc.). Plain trousers, somewhat form fitting, and most importantly; boots. Fane does not go barefoot unless he’s getting ready for bed or bathing. He also wears a small dagger that he keeps strapped to an upper thigh. Just in case. *winks*

What names or nicknames has they been called throughout their life?

Fae (generally by Cyfrin or Mhairi), ma’isenatha (’my dragon’ and is typically used by Solas), Blackened One (this is the translation of Fane’s ‘second’ name and is used both respectfully/derogatory), He Who Flew Above (used by the Elvhen agents in both Fane and Solas’ respective contingents), White One (Abelas generally refers to Fane as this once he drops the Inquisitor title, Wisdom also calls Fane this), vhenan or ma vhenan.

And last, but definitely not least, ‘Papae’ *whistles innocently* :3 

What is their method of manipulation?

Fane has draconic abilities that can warp emotions. In a way, he implements a form of psychological warfare, but he only uses it as a last resort whether the enemy is a piece of absolute trash or not. Fane has had his mind broken multiple times, died from it once even, and unless given no other choice, he will not break another like that.

Describe their daily routine. 

Fane wakes up at the crack of dawn. He doesn’t like to, but he usually has no control over it due to years upon years of waking up from nightmares and retching. If he manages to awaken without many issues, Fane strides right into his routine of training, with or without eating. Training helps quell his mind of lingering terrors, and establishes discipline to emotions that are volatile. Afterwards, Fane may eat on his own, but generally, Mhairi, Cyfrin or Solas have to acquire something for him and press him to eat. He always relents, even if he glowers and growls. Cole takes a more subtle approach and just leaves it where Fane can easily smell it, awakening the want. 

Mid-day Fane is usually doing his rounds, checking on companions, maybe entertaining a conversation or request, or begrudgingly diving into Inquisition business. (paperwork, letters, etc.) If he’s having a rough day, headaches, mental exhaustion, or physical pain, then Fane is less likely to get much done and that’s because Solas will demand that he take it easy. In those cases, Fane will fight and protest and declare that he’s fine, but a single look that says, ‘Enough’, and he crumbles, taking the offering of a pillowed lap and potentially sleeping for at least half the afternoon. When he wakes up, Fane lingers in the rotunda and with attempt some form of work until evening.

That’s when Fane indulges in more personal pursuits. He whittles wood, reads and writes poetry, tinkers with one of his gauntlets or plating, and lets himself want. He’ll sometimes go to the tavern to see Varric or the Chargers, even if being around Bull makes him a tad uneasy. Or he’ll seek out his sister and see if she wishes to do something with him. Fane doesn’t ask, of course, but that’s because Mhairi bombards him the moment he appears and he accepts and agrees without fuss. Sometimes Fane will visit Leliana in the rookery and go over what she’s heard or what he’s hear, or he’ll spend time with Cole until Solas comes to see where he’s gone off to.

Their go-to cure for a bad day? 

Usually, training or just outright destroying something. Fane has issues controlling some of his emotions, rage most of all, and the only way to get that specific emotion out is to physically take it out. Solas and Mhairi have attempted to help Fane diffuse in different ways, but the only one that seems to work the best is for a dragon to rampage. Thankfully, Fane retreats from Skyhold if that he feels his mind blackening. Solas or Cole will follow and keep an eye on him from a distance, but Solas will intervene if he feels Fane is close to spiraling beyond anger. Then, the go-to is words, soft, but firm.

GOALS:

How are they dissatisfied with their life? 

Fane’s life Pre-Inquisition and within Inquisition is...rough. Life with the clan was torture for him, literally being called a mistake and monster due to how he acted and how he looked. No one understood why and neither did Fane beyond knowing his father’s abuse had...awoken something in him. That lack of understanding infuriated Fane, to the point where he chose to just...ignore it, turn his back. Add that to the burden placed upon his shoulders unwillingly, and once again being labeled as every manner of being except what would make him feel complete...yeah, Fane was highly dissatisfied with his life. It isn’t until he and Solas reconcile and vow to never be apart again that Fane starts to find purpose and the will to try in his life. That satisfaction only grows Pre-Trespasser once Fane uncovers a lot of answers concerning himself and his kin after going on a little field trip to a place that shall not be name while Solas attends to the Qunari.

What would bring them true happiness or contentment?

Simply put? Fane wants Solas to be able to rest. That would bring Fane so much joy, to see his sky finally throw down the mantle and rest. All he wants is for them both to be able to be together and not have the world demanding their lives on a silver platter every second of every hour.

What definitive step could they take to turn their dream into a reality? 

Support. That is one of Fane’s guiding principles when it comes to Solas and what the mage has deemed he has to do. Fane helps to keep Solas on the path, but he knows when to step in if the fog rolls in. Fane doesn’t see right or wrong; he sees paths, choices. He supports what Solas wishes to do because he understands why the man feels the way that he does. Fane is Devotion and Tenacity, and he will die again and again and again before leaving Solas to walk this dark path alone, without support. Because that, all on its own, can change a person’s mind.

How has their fear kept them from taking this action already? 

Fane is only fearful that his support could be causing Solas grief, making him upset due to the fact that the mage feels as if Fane should condemn him. However, Fane presses on and doesn’t let fear shackle him in this. Fear is potent in Fane, that’s the truth, but it all washes away when Solas requires him. Devotion is stronger than Fear, Tenacity grinds Terror into dust, and a dragon will always guard the sky it calls home. 

How do they feel they can accomplish their goal while still steering clear of the thing they are afraid of? 

So, Fane’s main fears are being forgotten and himself. The supporting aspect is to combat the being forgotten aspect, partially, but when in regards to himself... That’s a whole other story. Fane grapples with madness coutnless times in my story and the allure of power, something dragons cannot yearn for lest they cause irreversible harm to the world, and he is fearful that eventually...the clock will strike, the hourglass will run out and that he didn’t do enough. For Solas, for his kin, and for the world. Furthermore, Fane is terrified that that madness will eventually harm those he cares for, those he’s vowed to protect and support. So, Fane does whatever he can to keep his spirit from warping, to keep himself from breaking beyond what can be repaired, and having Yune and Solas, and seeing the progress of their endeavors helps keep Fane on the cliff he teeters on.

#tagged #oc: fane lavellan #my son is ball of devotion~ #and loyalty~ #some may call him a simp but that's not the truth as to why he does what he does for solas #it's a SECRET! >:D #oc questionnaire #dragon age #we reject canon and support the wolf because sometimes support helps a person realize what's TRULY important :3

[number1villainstan]

Alright. This is probably going to make a lot of people mad, probably, and I said I wouldn’t be getting into politics, but you know what? I’m going to write this anyways, even if I’m going to delete it later.

Disclaimer: Those who have been following my writing have probably guessed that I explore and write Jet far more than I do Azula. The reasons for this are many and varied, with some probably being subconscious. This isn’t the time or place to dissect why these differences in my interest in one character over another; this disclaimer is only to highlight that I am not simply someone reacting out of a perception of a personal attack.

There are some in this fandom who try to ‘obligate’ some fans into liking one character who like another on the basis of in-show racial/international dynamics. Specifically, I’m talking about posts on my dash that say that if you sympathize with Azula you must sympathize with Jet. The biggest thing that’s wrong with this viewpoint isn’t even its racial fixatedness--though that is a serious problem both in fandom and in real-world politics--but the fact that, because of its racial fixatedness, it ignores very real and very relevant differences in their characterization.

Specifically, the differences I’d like to talk about here is agency, or the ability to choose, and freedom.

Azula was controlled and watched closely by her father, Ozai, who the show treats as simply the epitome of evil. (I have issues with his characterization, but this is not the time or place.) She was assigned missions and had seriously high expectations placed on her, with very real and painful consequences for failing either. Beyond that, her mindset and worldview were actively shaped and distorted by that same father of hers, and in a sense she was tricked into believing that good was evil and evil was good. When assessing guilt or assigning blame, one must take intention as well as consequence into account: in Azula’s case, the intention may have been to please her father or simply to survive, with the harm she caused as something like collateral damage. In addition, we see her on exactly one mission: to capture and bring down the Avatar and his friends, which are combatants and therefore acceptable targets in war, regardless of the overarching reasons for the war.

Jet, on the other hand, had no one pressuring him. We know very little of his upbringing, with the only information we’re given about his life before becoming a terrorist being the flashbacks in Season 2 of his home burning, with the Rough Rhinos implied to be the cause. By the age of sixteen, he’s amassed a large following, mainly made up of children and young teenagers, enough to have a huge treehouse complex built near Gaipan. The fact that he, a sixteen-year-old, has such an army made up specifically of impressionable, manipulatable kids tells us, as viewers, the ones who are sympathizing with the characters, that Jet has a lack of moral qualms about lying to, manipulating, and using children as weapons of war. This is in addition to his lack of moral qualms about citizens as collateral damage to get to Fire Nation people. Jet’s intentions, unlike Azula’s, are not simply to survive, or to please someone close--they are, first and foremost, to hurt and to kill, and he often targets civilians and noncombatants, unlike Azula. I must emphasize here that he has no external constraints compelling him in his crusade against the Fire Nation. We have no evidence that anyone directed him to start this crusade, and by the time we meet him in the show he’s the leader of a large force, made primarily of children, created specifically to carry out that crusade, which we have established is undiscriminating in regards to those the audience would consider deserving or undeserving.

Now, these characters have real similarities. Both are ruthless in pursuing their goals, and hold very little emotional guilt over harming other people in their pursuits. And both are skilled manipulators, though this essay focuses on Jet’s manipulations as Azula’s are far more obvious in the show. But at the end of the day, Azula is less of a free agent than Jet is, and thus, in a sense, is more deserving of sympathy than Jet. If we draw parallels between the FN royal family and Jet’s Freedom Fighters, then Jet is analogous to Ozai as the leader and organizer of the destructive force, and Azula would be closer to Smellerbee or Longshot. And, as the leaders, Jet and Ozai would take the brunt of the blame for the destructive actions of the ones they lead.

The argument of those I addressed in the introduction is that if you sympathize with Azula, you must sympathize with Jet, as they’re both traumatized children. However, I’d argue that its opposite is more logical: if you sympathize with Jet, the leader of what is effectively a terrorist group, who sees little difference between Fire Nation soldiers and Fire Nation civilians and actively dehumanizes the latter based solely on their race, and who is a free agent whose only motivation is to hurt and kill, then it is morally wrong not to sympathize with Azula, who is essentially a pawn in Ozai’s game and focuses solely on combatants, and whose intentions are to survive and please her father.

TLDR: Leave Azula sympathizers alone.

#jet #azula #discourse #atla #might delete later #if i get too much hate mail #i'm probably being paranoid but i've heard too much about the death threats and other shit on this site to not be at least a little paranoid

[atinyreaderfangirling]

I watched Midsommar (2019) last night and I have some thoughts.

There are some major spoilers ahead, so you’ve been aptly warned.

I watched the theatrical version first, and got high mid way, so you know it was a trip. I was convinced I made up the last half of the movie in my head, especially with the visual effects already included.

A couple things that I want to point out before I get into this

1. The Midsommar festival is not portrayed accurately. Ari Aster took his liberty to change some aspects to make it more interesting to the horror genre. And I’m okay with that.

2. This movie should not be held in high standards as some feminist movement. It’s a movie about a cult. If that doesn’t get into your head, you’ve missed the whole horror aspect of the film.

3. The movie does not, in any way, glorify cults. At least, I didn’t think it did. I did almost fall for it, which was unsettling. It’s not meant to be watched by impressionable teens, and the adults should be able to get the right message.

Anyway, with that out of the way let’s get started.

The movie starts of with Dany’s grief. She clearly has issues which leads her to be very dependent on her boyfriend, Christian, mainly because she feels like she has no one left. 

We see her talking to him on the phone but also not being able to open up about what’s bothering her. She explains her situation with her sister and her worries (all the while trying to keep her emotions in check), and he counters that her sister just wants the attention. We then see Dany fumbling and eventually agreeing, moving on to showering Christian with compliments.

Dany is constantly trying to make sure she doesn’t overwhelm him with her “problems”. We see her trying to explain to her friend that she doesn’t want to come off as too clingy even though they’ve been together for at least a year.

A few scenes over, Dany’s family is found dead and we see her heaving on Christian (stunning performance by Florence Pugh, my heart wrenched just listening to her). We know Christian was actually going to break up with her before she got the news. As the scene pans out, we see the current state of their relationship. Dany in grief and Christian helplessly stuck.

What do we get from this?

1. Christian is a twat. He can’t connect to Dany emotionally and he has the empathy of a doorknob. He gaslights her (something shown more clearly throughout the movie in the Director’s Cut) behind the facade of playing the good guy.

2. Christian’s friends are also twats. While Mark is the only one speaking openly about her like an object, the others haven’t exactly been trying to stop him. The simply don’t care. I don’t count Pelle into this group for obvious reasons.

3. Dany has no one else. The incident pushed her to completely surround herself with Christian and his friends, so now she’s even more afraid of being dumped.

Fast forward, the gang is going on a trip to Sweden. Pelle meets Dany and stares at her creepily, and you already know the gears are turning in his head.

Throughout the movie, we see Pelle’s personality contrast significantly from Christian, Dany, and Josh’s. Therefore, he naturally settles into the “good” category of characters, right?

Wrong. And this is exactly where the movie was able to deceive me.

Pelle is shown to be the good guy, especially regarding Dany’s grief. He doesn’t impose himself, and after the first blunder, is able to make Dany warm up to him. He empathizes but also not really making a move on her, which makes us relax regarding his ulterior motives.

Chris and the Dicks are seen to have no respect for the community. They’re just here to make money, have sex, and do drugs. They take part in the festival with the fascination of an outsider.

Pelle represented his family at Hårga, so they’d fall on the “good side” too. While the American boys alienated Dany, the awkwardness among them thick as a fog, she (and I) began to realize just how connected the community at Hårga is. She naturally gravitates towards them. She feels safe, like she belongs.

Wisecrack points out, in a video, how Dany picks up the rituals and their justifications from early on, even before she’s quite comfortable with it. Right after the two eldest members of the community jump off the cliff during the ättestupa, Dany blocks out all sounds until a woman explains the ritual to Connie.

Looking back, it did feel like she had already begun to take in information that justified the cults’ actions.

We really connect to Dany in the movie. So much that while we’re hating on Christian for being the worst boyfriend in the history of the world, we miss/ignore the fact that the cult blatantly manipulated the situation. Dany was clearly targeted from the very beginning, and Christian needed to be removed.

Danny is seen having a complete break down thrice in the movie, the first one with Christian and the second one alone. These two may as well have been interchangeable with the amount of presence Christian has comforting her.

The third time, we see a significant change. She’s grieving but it’s shared among the women. As she cries, we feel that she has finally begun to let it take over her then let it go.

By the time the moment came for Dany to choose a sacrifice, she was part of the “family”. Of course, she chose Christian.

The story feels like we just got a happy ending. But did we really?

A characteristic quirk Midsommar is that it all happens in never-ending daylight. The characters (other than Connie and Simon) aren’t trying to escape. The people of Hårga don’t seem to be pretending to be happy. It all just feels natural.

This really was unnerving and set us off balance because it conflicts to the norms of horror movies. With the spooky atmosphere absent, we don’t realize when the climax of the film has already begun.

The horror in the movie lies in the fact that I completely disregarded the abhorrent acts of the cult because we felt Dany was happier with them. I justified Dany’s final act because Christian was an asshole. I completely neglected Connie and Simon’s death. None of them were ever going to get out of the place.

As the movie primarily hangs on to Dany’s point of view, I don’t realize that she is the character who gets influenced to jump to the “evil side”. I was so entwined with her emotions, I miss the point when my morals have been compromised.

As much as I love the shock values that a movie has to give, whether a movie is good or not comes down to the basics. Is the story good?

Midsommar didn’t have any tasteless jump-scares. Instead, we get to see ritualistic senicides and crazy sex rituals. Add the hallucinogenic drugs and trippy shots, we’ve got a flick that will attract to crowd.

But when you separate that from the movie, is the rest still interesting? I believe it was. Ari Aster truly went into depth with the vulnerability of people when they’re grieving. It was because he was able to portray that grief properly that this movie made so much sense.

The “horror” behind the plot is just that. Human vulnerability.

#midsommar #midsommar 2019 #ari aster #horror flick #folk horror #psychological thriler #movie review #horror #horror movie #florence pugh #folktales #rituals #cults #sex rituals #movies about cults #happy endings #trippy

[ganderinggoosie]

Would you break down Kylo Ren, please?

Boy can I anon! :) Apologies as well for the late reply, i wanted to take my time for this one.

essentially the TL/DR version is: this character has been neglected and abused his entire life, believing he didn't belong anywhere with anyone. only after realizing his parents and Rey actually care about him does he gain the courage to “do the right thing.” He’s then written unceremoniously out of existence after saving and kissing Rey, only being happy for 10 seconds in hid entire life. Aint that dandy! :)

Idk how short of an explanation you want, but i also decided to list all of his major character arcs within his lifetime, simply because i care about this character A LOT. I haven’t written anything like an essay in a while, so i really couldn’t help myself haha. This list is also chronological, but ill keep it under a read-more for easy scrolling.

PRE-TFA

Literally been toyed with and corrupted SINCE BEFORE BEING BORN

A happy toddler who loved his parents and "uncles"

His parents loved him very much but didn’t treat him as a priority. Leia tended to focus on her political career and Han couldn’t shake his old nomadic ways. As a result, Ben ended up very isolated.

As he grew stronger and keener to the isolation, his parents feared him and his emotions. Leia sent him away to Luke’s academy, despite Han not wanting Ben to go.

Made friends in the academy, but still a loner. All the while the voices in his head (Snoke/palpatine) are growing louder and louder

Luke forcibly saw into his mind, intent on ending ben’s life until changing his mind. Naturally this upset Ben, seeing as he figured what was left of his family that cared about him wanted him dead. He then collapsed the building, trapping Luke inside.

While deciding to run away, a storm (inferably caused by Snoke/Palpatine) struck fire to the Jedi Temple, killing the students inside. Ben attempted to save a few, but failed.

Ran into the arms of the First Order and the Knights of Ren, since snoke gaslit him into believing it was the only place he could be.

Trained under The KOR and Snoke as a dark side force warrior. Mainly used asa spiritual tool to snuff out Jedi rather than a political tool for the FO.

Tasked with finding Luke Skywalker, sets the beginning of TFA in motion.

TFA

Demonstrates his capability in dark side tendencies by torturing Poe for information

Chooses not to acknowledge Finn’s deflection

immediately gets distracted from his mission of finding bb8 once learning there is a girl involved with this situation.

remains primarily on the defense while subduing rey, carries her away manually to his ship for interrogation. its notable to mention that Han was completely unworried for rey as she was being taken; he knew rey was strong enough to resist and he knew his son’s shortcomings. 

willingly unmasks to rey while interrogating her; this is to show the audience that not only is he making himself more vulnerable and relatable to rey, but also to show that he’s completely opposite to what rey was expecting.

Their connection is formed as they push into each other’s minds

snoke tells him to kill his father in order to complete the training. ben loves his father dearly but genuinely believes he’s too far gone to do anything contradictory to snoke’s orders.

senses it when han arrives at Starkiller, and ignores him. referential material implied that kylo wanted to give han the chance to escape, but when Han sought him out then he reacted.

kills han, the deed “splitting him to the bone” 

survived, but gravely injured by Chewbacca’s bowcaster blast (shown previously blowing up 6 troopers at once). Sees Finn and Rey, becoming enraged, and follows them.

intercepts rey and finn in the forrest. angrily taunts them while beating his wounds. sends rey back into a tree in self-defense. demands to take the legacy saber, fighting with finn in the process. its notable that his fighting style while on the offensive is extremely akin to a berserker method; precise and accurate but brutal and excessive. ends up slashing finn and rendering him unconscious.

is in awe of rey’s ability to call the saber to her, fights her less-aggressively in order to corner her and offer her guidance. naturally she refuses, and taps into the force to overpower him and leave him bleeding on Starkiller as her and Finn rejoin the resistance.

TLJ

approaches snoke in his throneroom, visibly injured and emotional as a result of his fight with rey and the death of his father. snoke mocks his “weak” emotional state and calls him a “child in a mask.”

is hurt by snoke’s remark, an destroys his mask in a rage.

leads an arial attack on the Resistance ships, demonstrating his skills as a pilot. When he has an opportunity to blow up his mother’s ship, he doesn’t; he loves her far too much and cant physically bring himself to repeat the horror of killing Han. Unfortunately, one of the TIE pilots do instead. (later he is relieved to still feel his mother through the force.)

while in a medbay getting treatment for his scar, the force connects him with rey for the first time. both are surprised by this turn of events, and Kylo is more curious as to the logistics of the connection rather than being angry at the sudden appearance of his enemy.

connects with rey again as she is in the rain, still fascinated by how exactly the bond works. rey is still enraged by his presence as he casually mentions that Luke isnt the saintly figure she sees him as. Agrees with her as she angrily calls him a monster; instead of a taunt its actually a display of self-loathing. he then wipes his face after their connection ends, demonstrating that the bond they share permeates a physical space (as well as being a metaphor of the palpable tension between him and rey).

connects with rey again, this time with him in a state of partial undress. rey asks him if he could put a shirt on and he doesn't, despite the fact his shirt is on the desk a few feet away. the narrative purpose of this introduction is to show that rey is physically attracted to him and he knows it.

tells rey his story of Luke attempting to kill him, then tells her his nihilistic outlook of “letting the past die.” they disconnect, but rey ends up following his advice and explores the darker part of the island (a metaphor for HER darker side).

Later connects with rey again as she tearfully tells how alone she felt while in the cave attempting to find herself. Him, visibly touched by her story and the fact she trusts him enough to confess something so personal, tearfully tells her that she’s not alone. they then touch hands, doing so granting them visions of the supposed future. Luke angrily blasts apart the cabin, forcefully ending their connection.

Rey flies to him on the Supremacy, and he cuffs her to take her to snoke. (It’s important to mention that in the novel adaptation of the movie, it’s more of a playful and flirtatious banter between the two instead of a prisoner/hostage situation.) While on the elevator rey begs him to join her, as he counters and says that she’ll eventually join him instead.

While in snoke’s throne room, Kylo submissively kneels as snoke tortures rey for information. he occassionally looks up woefully at her, and eventually turns the saber on snoke after saying “he knows what he has to do.” He and rey team up to fight the Praetorian Guards and end up defeating them together.

Pleads with Rey to join him in leading the darkside as rey pleads with him to save the resistance fleet. Kylo tells her that he saw who her parents were and that she was nothing to them and had no place in that particular story. he then clumsily adds “but not to me” and begs her to join him again. the two then fight over the legacy saber, only to have it explode and knock them both back.

passed out from both the blast of the saber and Holdo blasting through the ship, kylo awakens to find rey gone. heartbroken and furious at her supposed betrayal of his trust, he violently declares himself the new Supreme Leader and orders an attack on Crait.

on Crait, he shows that not only is he deeply impulsive, but also an ultimately poor leader. he’s fine until noticing the millenium falcon, then finally loses it in a fury of rage and heartbreak. Luke skywalker understands the irrational state his nephew is in, and takes advantage of his irrationality to aid the resistance. his fight with luke was simply a distraction and taunt, resulting in a massive tactical failure.

kneels in defeat while clutching his father’s lucky dice, only to be connected with rey one more time. she distainfully “shuts the door” on him, and he recoils sadly as the dice disappear.

PRE-TROS

featured in supplimental material as a ruthless leader, hellbent on finding the resistance and eliminating threats to the First Order.

is shown to take plenty of self-assigned solo missions, implying that he doesnt truthfully care about the governmental aspect of being supreme leader.

TROS 

Begins the film on Mustafar, fighting a band of cultists dedicated to Darth Vader, taking the wayfinder they were protecting. in earlier drafts of the movie (as well as probable deleted scenes) Kylo then sees a character known as the Oracle on Mustafar, who cryptically tells him about Palpatine, Rey’s heritage, as well as his affection for rey that he attempts to deny.

he flies to Exogol, where he discovers that it was actually palpatine whos been manipulating him his entire life. threatens to kill palpatine but humors him as palpatine offers promises of utter domination if kylo could kill rey. naturally he has no intention of doing so.

Later connects with rey as she is training. its unclear if hes the one making the training droid react negatively to her or if hes simply observing her and attempting to catch her off-guard.

unites with the knights to rebuild his mask (for some reason).

informs the First Order officials he knows one of them is a spy (for some reason). 

connects with rey as she’s on pasaana, taunting her and stealing her necklace in order to track her location.

arrives to pasaana and witnesses rey trying to drag a ship down. holds back the ship in order to see if she’d tap into the dark side to bring it down, which she does.

follows rey to kijimi as she boards his ship and steals the dagger he has. tells her the “true history” of her parentage while also stating that he’d never lie to her. they fight (him on defensive) and she destroys his room. they meet again in person, him unmasking to show hes being sincere in proposing to her again; saying they’re a dyad and they belong together. she denies, again, and flees. 

meets her again on the Death Star, remarking that neither of them could return to the light since the pair of them are too far ingrained into the dark. He destroys the wayfinder she found, believing they’ll only get to Exogol together. they fight, again, with him on the defensive, again.

towards the end of their fight its clear that rey is exhausted, so he backs away and lowers his weapon. however, at this exact instance, Leia chooses to call out to him via the force. (it is unclear if she does this to distract him or if she does this because she knows she’s ill and wants to see him before she passes.) While he is distracted, rey grabs his saber and fatally stabs him. he collapses, feeling his mother’s death and the resignation that the woman hes in love with ended him. However, rey immediately regrets hurting him and uses the force to heal him. she confesses that had he been Ben rather than Kylo, she would’ve taken his hand. 

While gazing out to sea alone, Kylo hears the voice of his father. He turns, and it met with a vision of Han. Han tells him to “come home” and that the light within Ben was always there. Han caresses his cheek like he did in TFA. Ben, crying, starts to say something but is so overcome with emotion that all he can manage is “dad.” Han smiles and says “i know,” a callback to his line to Leia in ESB.  With the forgiveness of his father and the newfound strength and motivation, ben throws his saber into the ocean, effectively cementing his persona Kylo Ren officially dead.

as rey is in danger on Exogol, Ben flies an abandoned TIE (inferably left in the Death Star wreckage) there and sprints, armed with only a blaster, and launches himself into danger to help rey.

their bond connects as she’s about to pledge to the sith and as the knights of ren are about to kill him. he wordlessly assures her that he’s there for her and that its ok to reveal that shes part of a dyad. she agrees, passing along her saber to him through their bond. Ben kills the Knights as rey kills the sith guardians.

the pair of them reunite, but only for palpatine to sap their life force, made more powerful due to them being a dyad. once significantly weakened, Palpatine launches Ben into a pit. 

After defeating palpatine, rey dies. Ben manages to climb out of the pit and crawls over to rey, severely injured. he then embraces her lifeless body and cries for her, knowing then what he needs to do.

Ben heals rey with the force, bringing her back to life. Rey, elated to see him, cups his face as he cries and smiles feebly. she kisses him and caresses his face again, him smiling and chucking for the first time the entire series. At peace and healed by the redemptive power of being in love and having that person love him back in return.

he then immediately falls over dead and disappears into the force, thereby ruining all semblance of a skywalker legacy and redemption arc. FOR. SOME. REASON.

#kylo ren #ben solo #reylo #rey #finn #han solo #leia organa #knights of ren #luke skywalker #supreme leader snoke #sheev #meta #star wars #answered #anon #yeah this got way too long lol

[mandarinastronaut]

Homoromantic subtext in ‘The Goldfinch’

The Goldfinch is a novel written by Donna Tartt, published in 2013. It follows the characters Theodore Decker and Boris Pavlikovsky. The relationship between the two is a bit controversial. Literary critics have completely ignored the implications of a romance.

Let’s start with Theo’s toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia. Since the Tumblr user @borispav has already made an excellent analysis regarding the subject, I’m going to quote them.  

”…Internalized homophobia is a fear and aversion toward homosexuality that is felt by a member of said sexuality. It’s an inclination toward projection, a way of securing confidence and self-image (two things which are threatened both systematically and socially) by registering one’s own sexual identity as a flaw in other people.

Toxic masculinity (or hegemonic masculinity) is a series of behaviors and traits found in men who have been molded by the ideologies of patriarchy. This mode of thinking presents a set of standards and conventions which men are expected to both adhere to and promote interpersonally.

When it comes to men, the ultimate goal—in both these cases— is to embody the widely advertised image of what is considered to be a ‘normal’ or ‘average’ man. This man is able-bodied and strong (both physically and mentally). This man fulfills the roles expected of his gender. He is ‘masculine’ in that he does not cry nor outwardly express any emotions outside of anger and lust. As a child he is sociable and sporty. He has many friends and does not struggle with fitting in. As a teen he is rowdy and full of life, armed to the teeth with a ‘healthy’ sex drive; the ultimate manifestation of the phrase “boys will be boys”. As an adult he is married and financially stable. He is on his way to achieving the American Dream: a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a wife that he feels responsible for protecting. He is straight and always has been.”

”Naturally interwoven amongst the pillars of toxic masculinity sits homophobia and its internalized counterpart. Heterosexuality, after all, is a core part of being a ‘normal’ male. Any other errant attraction is therefore meant to be deftly identified and expunged.

Given the sexual nature several of Theo’s fears toward masculinity take on, I believe it is more than safe to assume that he struggles with accepting and acknowledging his own sexuality (whether it be bisexuality or homosexuality, I don’t have a definite stance) as it is at odds with what has been presented as ‘normal’ male behavior.

Sexuality very nearly serves as an antagonist in this novel. It’s depicted as an emotionally draining entity, a wildness, a physical allure, tangible threat, and  elusive dream. Theo is almost always at war with it—a sort of subplot to the story that mainly reveals itself in behavior and attitude, rather than direct dialogue or thought.

Sometimes the terror Theo harbors toward homosexuality (and, at its core, his own sexuality) is visceral enough to manifest itself as a palpable real-life danger. For example, aside from being verbally and emotionally abused by kids at school, Theo is also able to recall an instance where several boys held him down and attempted to sodomize him with a stick of deodorant (615). This memory, like the other, is mentioned in a passing, blasé, way. However, the fact that Theo remembers it at all as an adult—and in enough detail to recall the exact names of his aggressors— speaks to the experience’s traumatic weight.

In a similar vein, we have Theo’s negative re-entry into New York: the two different adult men who were implied child molesters (who cornered Theo and physically chased him down the street) serving as more literal manifestations of his own homophobia (404-409). This is the fear, and false pretense, that gay men are ‘perverts’ or ‘child molesters’ brought to life. It’s Theo’s repressed sexuality taunting and confronting him in a brutal, nightmarish, form; an expected effect of having been taught that a part of his identity is inherently ‘bad’ and unremovable.

This, and the bullying incident, are two prime examples of a fairly common literary technique used in which a character’s strongest fears or desires are made physical, rather than just emotional. Such a device works to symbolize/convey their fervency, demonstrate just how pressing and real they are to the afflicted character.”

A few examples of Theo’s internalized homophobia:

He can’t tell his doormen he’s going to miss them, because he thinks it would sound ”gay”. (238)

He feels uncomfortable in the cab because the driver saw Boris kissing him. (396)

He’s embarrassed to be seen with Popper because the breed is seen as ”feminine ” or “gay”. (402)

He’s distraught when Boris asks if he’s Hobie’s partner. (615)

“As for the internalized homophobia, it’s as ever-present as ever in his adulthood. In fact, I think it actually might even be morepronounced and focused than it was in his youth, when his fears primarily manifested themselves in vague and ambiguous ways. As an adult, his aversion is blunt and easy to identify. He graduates from steering clear of things that might insinuate homosexuality, to steering clear of gay men almost altogether. He’s able to acknowledge that they tend to make him uncomfortable, but in terms of trying to understand or mediate on why this is so, little is done. Instead he deems it suffice to drop in a few cursory sentences here and there whilst on the subject of something else, leaving it at that. No bigger picture is addressed, and no critical issue is implied.

For example, what we get are brief and loaded anecdotes like the following:

“I’d inherited my mother’s light-colored eyes, which short of sunglasses at gallery openings made it pretty much impossible to hide pinned pupils—not that anybody in Hobie’s crowd seemed to notice, except (sometimes) a few of the younger, more with-it gay guys— ‘You’re a bad boy,’ the bodybuilder boyfriend of a client had whispered into my ear at a formal dinner, freaking me out thoroughly. And I dreaded going up to the Accounts department at one of the auction houses because one of the guys there—older, British, an addict himself—was always hitting on me.” (472)

The sheer weariness and disdain with which he views threats to his heterosexuality is palpable here. There’s something almost sinister and deceptive about the way he chooses to portray these scenarios, something nightmarish in the way both men seem to be implicitly taunting him, confronting or incriminating him with the knowledge of a secret he pretends not to know. Both cases are clearly sources of great distress to him, as he feels the need to bring them up in context of something that didn’t exactly need the reference. It’s all fine and good that he mentions the "younger gay guys” noticing his pinned pupils, since the topic of thought was drugs, but then to go off and suddenly engage in the quotation of very specific dialogue (“you’re a bad boy”), and the discussion of very specific fears (being hit on by a guy), suggests that there is some deeper trauma demanding acknowledgment at the root. Theo is bothered by this. He is tormented by this. He uses the word dread (dread!!) to try and convey just how much he does not want to be in the same vicinity as someone who may act upon the assumption that he’s gay. (He wants us to assume that’s only because he’s confidently straight and doesn’t want the attention, but we know, in truth, that it’s because he’s both afraid and enraged at someone knowing and confronting him with such an unbidden part of himself).

Either way, it’s clear that he’s aware of the irrational severity of these fears, otherwise he wouldn’t have brought them up of his own volition or chosen to detail the day-to-day effects of their disproportionally crippling nature (i.e. him now despairing a certain department of his work environment). So yes, at some subconscious level, he knows that this isn’t normal, that he is stunted, emotionally, in some way. However, as I said before, he doesn’t ever think about why this is. He doesn’t try to find the problem, or even allude to there possibly being some small discrepancy in the way he’s always perceived his sexual identity. His aversion toward gay men simply remains a ‘mystery issue’, something of obvious weight that Theo wants us to feel, but not know. (Though, we know what it is anyway.)

And as if all this wasn’t obvious enough, we also get the very particular way in which Boris is framed in reference to Kitsey. He reenters Theo’s life right as Theo’s in a crisis over her, the engagement, and the fact that he’s not in love. And I mean this literally; Theo runs into Boris at St. Marks because he’d been on a walk in efforts to find ease of mind, a refuge from the daunting prospect of upcoming marriage (525). What he does find is Boris. Boris, who then, briefly, assumes the role of a hero— the knight in shining armor who’s come to sweep Theo up and away from the worldly snares of expectation and social-rule. This image is only further enforced when Boris comes billowing into his life again at the engagement party, graciously saving him from what (to Theo) was a downright nightmarish scenario. “Let’s get out of here,” is what Boris implores of him, leading them both to the door excitedly (635). Theo’s immediate response is to recognize that this is what he’s been unknowingly hoping this entire time, that Boris’ plea to run away from the engagement party with him is the “only thing that has made sense” to him all night (635). This is the ever-warring sides of illusion and reality at direct confrontation with each other. Choosing to stay at the party would imply that he has an unwavering loyalty to Kitsey (as in to heterosexuality/convention), while choosing to leave would imply that there are other, more genuine, desires drawing him away to something else at heart (his love for Boris, his lust for that wild edge; life without restraint and rule).

Theo chooses to leave. Or, I should probably say, he has no choice but to leave. When given such an enchanting window of escape, at such a precise moment of emotional distress and internal turmoil, it is impossible to resist. Of course his instinct would be to leave with Boris, even without knowing the details of their destination or circumstance. There’s an innate trust and draw that has been built up inside him from their Vegas years; Boris knows the deepest parts of Theo inside and out, and there are little to no other people in his life that he is tied to like that, little to no people that would provide the same type of relief from social-performance and self-deception as Boris would. On instinct (on instinct) Theo is true to himself for once. He physically runs after the thing he prefers, the thing it is that he actually wants. However, I do emphasize ‘on instinct’ because this is certainly more of a one-time, impulsive, occurrence than it is anything else. In the end it’s still Kitsey who Theo deems worthy of a suicide-note, not Boris. It’s still Kitsey who, despite everything, he continues to remain on the fence about all the way through the end of the novel. So, yes, it’s evident that the instinct (to be honest with himself, to go after what he wants etc.) is there, that—even after all these years—it still remains strong enough to be acknowledged and acted upon. However, the pressures of compulsive heterosexuality and toxic masculinity have not lessened their grip either, and, in the end, they are the ones that win.”

(all of this was from the amazing @borispav  ‘s blog, thank you for letting me quote you!)

The story is told in retrospect and therefore is completely dependent on memory. Well memory, as we all know, isn’t very reliable. You forget, remember something incorrectly, manipulate and so forth. It is also sort of implied that Theo’s been using all sorts of substances, from hard drugs to alcohol. On the pages 622-623 we find out that Theo’s a ‘black-out’ drunk (he passes out and forgets things). Boris brings up the painting which baffles Theo since he himself has shown it to Boris but completely forgotten about it. Just the fact that he’s forgotten something so insanely important and significant, makes it more than possible that there are other important things he’s forgotten about. Theo tells us that he’s written the book for his mother, and in the hopes that Pippa would read it one day. This makes him quite biased and sets up an agenda for him, therefore implying that he’s willing to manipulate the story to fit his purposes. And because he’s trying to convince everyone (mostly himself, but also the reader) that he’s in love with Pippa, it wouldn’t make much sense for him to write about the true feelings he has for Boris. Though it’s very clear that he doesn’t actually love her. He even says this on page 570;

”Worse: my love for Pippa was muddied-up below the waterline with my mother, with my mother’s death, with losing my mother and not being able to get her back. All that blind, infantile hunger to save and be saved, to repeat the past and make it different, had somehow attached itself, ravenously, to her. There was an instability in it, a sickness. I was seeing things that weren’t there. I was only one step away from some trailer park loner stalking a girl he’d spotted in the mall. For the truth of it was: Pippa and I saw each other maybe twice a year; we e-mailed and texted, though with no great regularity; when she was in town we loaned each other books and went to the movies; we were friends; nothing more. My hopes for a relationship with her where wholly unreal, whereas my ongoing misery, and frustration, were an all-too-horrible reality. Was groundless, hopeless, unrequited obsession any way to waste the rest of my life?”

Even if you were to interpret it differently (Theo actually being in love with her, or at least being sexually attracted to her) it still doesn’t overrule Theo’s love for Boris (Theo could be bi-, pan-, or polysexual etc.).

Now when talking about Boris’ internalized homophobia, it’s not as severe as Theo’s. He’s a lot more accepting and openminded. On page 314. Boris brings up homosexuality;

”…Old poofter?” he asked. I was taken aback. ”No,” I said swiftly, and then; ”I don’t know.” ”Doesn’t matter,” said Boris, offering me the jar. ”I’ve known some sweet olf poofters.” ”I don’t think he is,” I said uncertainly. Boris shrugged. ”Who cares? if he is good to you? None of us ever find enough kindness in the world, do we?“

It’s very clear that by bringing up homosexuality casually like this, he wants to hear how Theo feels about it. This dialogue also tells us that Boris is a lot more accepting than Theo, who’s shocked and troubled by the idea of Hobie being gay.  

Boris doesn’t have trouble expressing his feelings, he often even exaggerates them.

Boris says he’s in love with Kotku even though he doesn’t know her (326)

Boris says that he ”loves” Kotku and that she’s ”the truestthing that has ever happened” to him (328).

Boris says that the 'fight’ he and Kotku had, was ”only out of love”, and that they realized ”how much they loved each other” (360).

Boris tells Theo how he and KT became ”so close” in one night, and how they ”opened up their hearts” for each other (602).

Boris says that Bobo was like a father to him (613).

Boris is telling Theo about his tattoo, and says this; ”…This is for Katya, love of my life. I loved her more than any woman I ever knew.” To which Theo responds with; ”You say that about everybody.”  Theo’s comment proves that this is something Boris does all the time.

But with Theo, he can express himself only through action, rather than words. It’s important to bear this in mind whenever interpreting his actions.

Quoting the Tumblr user @queer-deckovskij ;

”…Part II of The Goldfinch Book contains the chapters Badr al-Dine and Wind, Sand and Stars, in which Boris and Theo meet, go on adventures, live a pair of year together, fight, love each other, then say goodbye. These 200 pages are introduced by a quote Donna put right before chapter 5, that comes from the poet Arthur Rimbaud and says,

When we are very strong, - who draws back? very gay*, - who cares for ridicule? When we are very bad, - what would they do with us?

So where do I start? This quote accurately depicts Boris’ and Theo’s friendship in a way that takes my breath away. It contains all the force and stubbornness and courage of the angry youth they represent. She couldn’t have picked a better quote to represent them. But that’s not all. The small poem doesn’t end here - Donna cut the second part of it, which says,

Deck yourself, dance, laugh. I could never throw Love out of the window.

Yes, the poem used to represent Theo and Boris’ relationship is a love poem. I think it’s really important the notion of who Arthur Rimbaud was. He lived in France during the 19th century and while still very young he had a homosexual affair with another poet, named Paul Verlaine; they ran off together and for quite some time they shared a really unhealthy and irregular life, mostly based on drugs and alcohol and dangerous experiences. Les Poètes maudits, yes? They lived in the same house for a few years and ended up splitting up in quite a violent way (Verlaine shot Rimbaud twice). Does this experience remind you of someone? A couple of guys who drank beer and did drugs like it was a packet of chips and a bottle of pepsi? Inserting that quote, Donna Tartt literally compared Theo and Boris to Rimbaud and Verlaine. Which means that, officially, Theo and Boris’s love was not a platonic one.

*I do not know if Donna inserted this translation or a more neutral one, like cheerful or jolly; the original French poem uses the word gai, which literal translates as gay.”

When Boris starts dating Kotku, Theo is forced to think about what his and Boris’ relationship was for the first time. Though, it’s already been implied earlier that Theo might have a crush on Boris.

Subtext of Theo’s attraction toward Boris;

He’s staring at Boris’ stomach (272).

He’s staring at Boris’ neck (284).

He’s staring at Boris who’s wearing nothing but Theo’s underwear (307).

He’s staring at Boris’ shirtless chest (308).

He’s staring at Boris’ lower abdomen (383).

Theo is jealous of Kotku, he’s even depicted as a pissed ‘house-wife’.

Page 327; ”…But what did bother me -a lot- was how Kotku (I’ll continue to call her by the name Boris gave her, since I can’t now remember her real name) had stepped in overnight and virtually assumed ownership of Boris. First he was busy on Friday night. Then it was the whole weekend–not just the night, but the day too. Pretty soon, it was Kotku this and Kotku that, and the next thing I knew, Popper and I were eating dinner and watching movies by ourselves.”

(Theo’s been depicted as a ‘house-wife’ before on page 277.)

Even though he’s feeling jealous and left behind, he still tries to convince himself and the reader that their relationship was nothing but platonic, that he doesn’t really care whether Boris has a girlfriend or not. Still, it isn’t so simple. He can’t find a right word to describe their relationship.  

”…But who cared what crappy girl Boris liked? Weren’t we still friends? Best friends? Brothers practically? Then again: there was not exactly a word for Boris and me. Until Kotku came along, I had never thought too much about it.” (333)

If their relationship was really platonic, Boris having a girlfriend wouldn’t affect their “friendship” or “brotherhood” in the slightest.  

Theo’s projecting into Boris because of his internalized homophobia. We find out that Theo doesn’t mind Boris showing physical affection, and that he even enjoys it (it’s the only thing that calms him down from his nightly terrors). This is something that he doesn’t want to admit. He’s constantly trying to convince the reader that there aren’t any stronger, possibly romantic, feelings attached. It’s actually quite comedic.  

”The funny thing: I’d worried, if anything, that Boris was the one who was a little too affectionate, if affectionate is the right word. The first time he’d turned in bed and draped an arm over my waist, I lay there half-asleep for a moment, not knowing what to do: staring at my old socks on the floor, empty beer bottles, my paperbacked copy of The Red Badge of Courage. At last–embarrassed–I faked a yawn and tried to roll away, but instead he sighed and pulled me closer, with a sleepy, snuggling motion.  Shh, Potter, he whispered, into the back of my neck. Is only me. It was weird. Was it weird? It was; and it wasn’t. I’d fallen back to sleep shortly after, lulled by his bitter, beery unwashed smell and his breath easy in my ear. I was aware I couldn’t explain it without making it sound like more than it was. On nights when I woke strangled with fear there he was, catching me when I started up terrified from the bed, pulling me back in the covers beside him, muttering in nonsense Polish, his voice throaty and strange with sleep. We’d drowse off in each other’s arms, listening to music from my iPod (Thelonious Monk, The Velvet Underground, music my mother had liked) and sometimes wake clutching each other like castaways or much younger children.” (335)

In the end, we finally find out that they’ve even been sexually intimate. Since this is something they’ve done regularly, it’s more than safe to say that they’re at least sexually attracted to each other. Still, Theo keeps projecting into Boris, saying that he’s the one ”who might have the wrong idea”.

“…And yet (this was the murky part, this was what bothered me) there had also been other, way more confusing and fucked-up nights, grappling around half-dressed, weak light from the bathroom and  everything haloed and unstable without my glasses: hands on each other, rough and fast, kicked-over beers foaming on the carpet–fun and not that big of a deal when it as actually happening, more than worth it for the sharp gasp when my eyes rolled back and I forgot about everything; but when we woke the next morning stomach-down and groaning on opposite sides of the bed it receded into an incoherence of backlit flickers, choppy and poorly lit like some experimental film, theunfamiliar twist of Boris’s features fading from memory already and none of it with any more bearing on our actual lives than a dream. We never spoke of it; it wasn’t quite real; getting ready for school we threw shoes, splashed water at each other, chewed aspirin for our hangovers, laughed and joked around all the way to the bus stop. I knew people would think the wrong thing if they knew, I didn’t want anyone to find out and I knew Boris didn’t either, but all the same he seemed so completely untroubled by it that I was sure it was just a laugh, nothing to take too seriously or get worked up about. And yet, more than once, I had wondered if I should step up my nerve and say something: draw some kind of line, make things clear, just to make absolutely sure he didn’t have the wrong idea. But the moment had never come. Now there was no point in speaking up and being awkward about the whole thing, though I scarcely took comfort in the fact.” (335-336)

Boris feels troubled because his and Theo’s relationship has become so intimate. He’s not sure if Theo feels the same way about him, and that creates a lot of stress and confusion for him. He makes a subconscious decision to resolve the situation by jumping into an impulsive relationship with Kotku (there aren’t any strong feelings attached). The relationship is completely physical, (they’re sexually attracted to each other, that’s it) even though Boris tries to convince Theo it isn’t so. Soon after they start dating, they begin to argue like an old married couple. It even goes so far that Boris punches Kotku (in the face).  

Then Theo’s dad dies, and Theo has to leave Vegas in order to avoid his worst nightmare; social workers. Tartt depicts the 'goodbye’ scene quite dramatically, starting it with Boris humming a song by The Velvet Underground called After Hours. The song is about, you guessed it, unwilling goodbyes, love etc. By inserting this song to the very start, Tartt creates the perfect atmosphere for the whole scene, implying that there are strong romantic feelings between the two. They’ve listened to the song together, and so, Boris tries to manipulate Theo into staying by humming it.  

”…Boris, I realized, was looking up at the sky and humming to himself, a line from one of my mother’s Velvet Underground songs: but if you close the door… the night could last forever…” (392)

The certainty of the situation starts to sink in on Theo, and he starts expressing his true feelings for the first and last time in the novel, in fact, he’s lost all control over himself. Boris realizes that Theo’s expressing his real feelings (probably predicting a confession) and since Boris has stolen the painting (something Theo’s completely unaware of) he’s accepted that he’s completely ruined any chances of continuing the relationship, (knowing that Theo would hate him after finding out) and just can’t bear to hear any more of what Theo’s saying. So, he interrupts Theo by kissing him on the lips. Now, besides the suggestive placement of the kiss, (not only is it in the goodbye scene but its right before Theo’s confession as well) the way Theo reacts to it makes it very clear that this is unusual behavior, and not something Boris has done before, (Theo wouldn’t have missed a chance to make the whole situation seem as platonic as possible, he would have tried to pull some bullshit like ”oh yeah this is something Boris does all the time lmao doesn’t mean anything”. And they know each other so well that they can communicate without words, so I think it’s safe to say that Theo would’ve known about it if it was usual behavior for Boris.) the kiss is clearly more than platonic, to say the least.  

”…Really, you have to come. We can go to Brighton Beach—that’s where all the Russians hang out. Well, I’ve never been there. But the train goes there—it’s the last stop on the line. There’s a big Russian community, restaurants with smoked fish and sturgeon roe. My mother and I always talked about going out there to eat one day, this jeweler she worked with told her all the good places to go, but we never did. It’s supposed to be great. Also, I mean—I have money for school—you can go to my school. No—you totally can. I have a scholarship. Well, I did. But the guy said as long as the money in my fund was used for education—it could be anybody’s education. Not just mine. There’s more than enough for the both of us. Though, I mean, public school, the public schools are good in New York, I know people there, public school’s fine with me.” I was still babbling when Boris said: “Potter.” Before I could answer him he put both hands on my face and kissed me on the mouth. And while I stood blinking—it was over almost before I knew what had happened—he picked up Popper under the forelegs and kissed him too, in midair, smack on the tip of his nose. Then he handed him to me. ”Your car’s over there,” he said, giving him one last ruffle on the head. And—sure enough—when I turned, a town car was creeping up the other side of the street, surveying the addresses. We stood looking at each other—me breathing hard, completely stunned. ”Good luck,” said Boris. ”I won’t forget you.” then he patted Popper on the head. ”Bye, Popchyk. Look after him, will you?” he said to me.” (394-395)

When Theo gets in the cab, he acknowledges his feelings for Boris and confesses his love for him. This is the first and last time he does this (at least according to Theo’s narrative, which as we know, isn’t very reliable).

”Later—in the cab, and afterward—I would replay that moment, and marvel that I’d waved and walked away quite so casually. Why hadn’t I grabbed his arm and begged him one last time to get in the car, come on, fuck it Boris, just like skipping school, we’ll be eating breakfast over cornfields when the sun comes up? I knew him well enough to know that if you asked him the right way, at the right moment, he would do almost anything; and in the very act of turning away I knew he would have run after me and hopped in the car laughing if I’d asked one last time. But I didn’t. And, in truth, it was maybe better that I didn’t—I say that now, though it was something I regretted bitterly for a while. More than anything I was relieved that in my unfamiliar babbling-and-wanting-to-talk state I’d stopped myself from blurting the thing on the edge of my tongue, the thing I’d never said, even though it was something we both knew well enough without me saying it out loud to him in the street—which was, of course, I love you.” (395)

When they run into each other as adults, Theo starts commenting on Boris’ appearance almost immediately. This isn’t something Theo’s done before, his internalized homophobia won’t allow him to. Boris is the only male he depicts this way.  

”…There he was, sliding in across from me, slingin the hair from his face in a gesture that brought the past ringing back. “I was just about to leave.” “Sorry.” Same dirty, charming smile. “Had something to do. Didn’t Myriam explain?” “No she didn’t.” “Well. Is not like I work in accounting office. Look,” He said leaning forward, palms on the table, “don’t be mad! Was not expecting to run into you! I came as quick as I could! Ran, practically!” He reached across with cupped hands and slapped me gently on the cheek. “My God! Such a long time it is! Glad to see you! You’re not glad to see me too?” He’d grown up to be good-looking. Even at his gawkiest and most pinched he’d always had a likable shrewdness about him, lively eyes and quick intelligence, but he’d lost that half-starved rawness and everything else had come together the right way.” (596)

Then we find out that Boris has been embittered this whole time because he ruined his and Theo’s relationship (Thinking that Theo holds a grudge for him because of the painting). So, Boris projects onto Theo. He brings up their sexual intimacy, and offends him;

”…why do I feel like you’re trying to change the subject?” ”Not trying to judge! It’s just—we did crazy things back then. Things I think maybe you don’t remember. No, no!” he said quickly, shaking his head, when he saw the look on my face. ”Not that. Although I will say, you are the only boy I have ever been in bed with!” My laugh spluttered out angrily, as if I’d coughed or choked on something. ”With that—” Boris leaned back disdainfully in his chair, pinched his nostrils shut—”pfah. I think it happens at that age sometimes. We were young, and needed girls. I think maybe you thought it was something else. But, no, wait” he said quickly, his expression changing—I’d scraped back my chair to go— ”wait,” he said again, catching my sleeve, “don’t, please, listen to what I’m trying to tell you, you don’t at all remember the night when we were watching Dr. No?” I was getting my coat from the back of my chair…” (622)

Theo is clearly hurt by Boris’ words, even though he doesn’t admit it.

As if all of this wasn’t already obvious enough, Tartt’s sprinkled all sorts of subtext all over the novel;

Theo takes extraordinary notice of the sex books his therapist has. Tartt is already, this early into the book, implying that sexuality might be a theme for Theo.  (162)

During Theo’s and Boris’ first conversation, Theo asks Boris to say something in one of the multiple languages Boris speaks and he decides to say something quite suggestive, which is; ”fuck you up the ass”. (265)

Theo’s internalized homophobia is taunting him, he says he feels ”shameful”, ”worthless”, ”tainted” and ”wrong”, and that he doesn’t know the origin for these emotions. (440-441)

Theo thinks about Boris every day and everything reminds him of Boris. (465)

Theo still remembers Boris’ home phone number in Vegas and even uses the last digits of it for the combination padlock that’s securing the painting. (532)

Theo confesses that he has googled Boris in the past. (595)

”You know what I did in college?” I was telling him. ”I took Conversational Russian for a year. Totally because of you. I did really shitty in it, actually. Never got good enough to read it, you know, sit down with Eugene Onegin—you have to read it in Russian, they say, it doesn’t come through in translation. But—I thought of you so much! I used to remember little things you’d say—all sorts of things came back to me—oh, wow, listen, they’re playing 'Comfy in Nautica,’ do you remember that? Panda Bear! I totally forgot that album. Anyway. I wrote a term paper on The Idiot for my Russian Literature class—Russian Literature in translation—I mean, the whole time I was reading it I thought about you, up in my bedroom smoking my dad’s cigarettes. It was so much easier to keep track of the names if I imagined you saying them in my head … actually, it was like I heard the whole book in your voice! Back in Vegas you were reading The Idiot for like six months, remember? In Russian. For a long time it was all you did. Remember how for a long time you couldn’t go downstairs because of Xandra, I had to bring you food, it was like Anne Frank? Anyway, I read it in English, The Idiot, but I wanted to get there too, to that point, you know, where my Russian was good enough. But I never did.” (614-615)

Theo depicts Pippa by referring to Boris. (678)

Tartt has placed a character from one of her earlier novels The secret history, Francis Abernathy, a homosexual man who was forced by circumstance to marry a woman, in Theo’s engagement party as a parallel for him. (710)

”Only what is that thing? Why am I the way I am? Why do I care about all the wrong things, and nothing at all for the right ones? Or, to tip it another way: how can I see so clearly that everything I love or care about is illusion, and yet—for me, anyway—all that’s worth living for lies in that charm? A great sorrow, and one I am only beginning to understand: we don’t get to choose our own hearts. We can’t make ourselves want what’s good for us or what’s good for other people. We don’t get to choose the people we are. Because—isn’t it drilled into us constantly, from childhood on, an unquestioned platitude in the culture—? From Willian Blake to Lady Gaga, from Rousseau to Rumi to Tosca to Mister Rogers, it’s a curiously uniform message, accepted from high to low: when in doubt, what to do? How do we know what’s right for us? Every shrink every career counselor, every Disney princess knows the answer: ”Be yourself.” ”Follow your heart.” Only here’s what I really, really want someone to explain to me. What if one happens to be possessed of a heart that can’t be trusted—? What if the heart, for its own unfathomable reasons, leads one willfully and in a cloud of unspeakable radiance away from health, domesticity, civic responsibility and strong social connections and all the blandly-held common virtues and instead straight toward the bonfire, is it better to turn away? Stop your ears with wax? Ignore all the perverse glory your heart is screaming at you? Set yourself on the course that will lead you dutifully towards the norm, reasonable hours and regular medical check-ups, stable relationships and steady career advancement, the New York Times and brunch on Sunday, all with the promise of being somehow a better person? Or—like Boris—is it better to throw yourself head first and laughing into the holy rage calling your name? It’s not about outward appearances but inward significance. A grandeur in the world, but not of the world, a grandeur that the world doesn’t understand. That first glimpse of pure otherness, in whose presence you bloom out and out and out. A self one does not want. A heart one cannot help.” (852-853). Since the main themes of the novel are authenticity and unauthenticity (good and bad, right and wrong) it makes perfect sense to have sexuality be a subtheme.

Love restricts one’s personal life. Committing to something so uncertain and scary, as serious romantic relationships are, is impossible for Boris due to his traumatic childhood. This (aside from thinking he’s ruined their relatonship) is the reason why he’s stayed out of Theo’s life for all these years.  

”…Boris laughed. “And you love her, yes. But not too much.” “Why do you say that?” “Because you are not mad, or wild, or grieving! You are not roaring out to choke her with your own bare hands! Which means your soul is not too mixed up with hers. And that is good. Here is my experience. Stay away from the ones you love too much. Those are the ones who will kill you. What you want to live and be happy in the world is a woman who has her own life and lets you have yours.” (667)

Later, in Amsterdam, during the shootout, Boris physically follows this ideology and his true feelings- he’s ready to die for Theo. Theo confessed his love verbally, this is Boris confessing his love in the way most natural to him, through action;

”…Again Boris moaned, as the guy yanked his hair once more, and from across the car threw me an unmistakable look—which I understood just as plainly as if he’d spoken the words aloud, an urgent and very specific cut of the eyes straight from our shoplifting days: run for it, Potter, go.” (760)

Can a Pulitzer prize-winning author write this blatant subtext accidentally? Is this just another case of cheap queerbaiting? It’s up to you to decide.

———————————————————————————————————–

A look at internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity as presented in the character of Theodore Decker; https://borispav.tumblr.com/post/179768610308/a-look-at-internalized-homophobia-and-toxic

by https://borispav.tumblr.com/

Post on Arthur Rimbaud’s poem; http://queer-deckovskij.tumblr.com/post/171833208225/so-very-important-detail-i-dont-know-if-any-of

by http://queer-deckovskij.tumblr.com/

All page numbers are from my copy of the book, meaning that I’ve changed the ones in the quotations from the original ones to my own.

I received technical writing help from a friend of mine, as I am dyslexic and have trouble expressing myself sometimes, who wants to stay anonymous, thank you anonymous!

#the goldfinch #boreo #theo decker #boris pavlikovsky #donna tartt #theodore decker #tgf #rin's analysis

[in-tua-deep]

What animal do you think suits each of the umbrella kids the most?

okay what you don’t know is that i’m a sucker for a his dark materials au with daemons so i’m sorry if that’s not what you want but that’s what you’re getting lmao

forewarning: this is super self indulgent and i only have actual reasons for like maybe half of these 

Luther: a dog! If you want specifics probably an Anatolian Shepherd dog bc they’re big motherfuckers and muscular as fuck. I did toy with a big animal like a bear but ultimately I think a dog just because simply: Luther obeys Reginald without question and has incredibly loyalty to a man that never cared about his wellbeing. Plus, you know, the family would rib at him about being Reginald’s loyal dog and all that. Plus it’s a good set up for his rivalry with Diego that I’ll yell about in a minute. 

So yes, Luther’s daemon settles as a bigass dog. She’s pragmatic and can be cold and often tries to model herself after Reginald’s daemon. She can be somewhat self righteous and very blunt. She tends to say exactly what she’s thinking without sugar coating it and doesn’t care if Luther has to stumble to save face. “You think one of us killed dad.” Diego says. “No not ‘one of you’, specifically you, Diego. You have an alibi?” Luther’s daemon says in front of the family, god, and Five’s portrait on the mantle.

Diego: a wolf! This sets up a big rivalry between Diego and Luther as they have somewhat similar daemons except for the fact that Luther’s is a domesticated canine and Diego’s is a wild one. Luther often uses Diego’s daemon to say that Diego is too wild to lead the team and that’s why he’s in charge. It’s mainly because while Diego does his whole lone wolf act, he’s shown to be pretty protective of the people he considers his and really he does need a pack. Even though he tells Klaus no, he doesn’t bother enforcing it when Klaus insists on hopping in the car anyway. He wants to be leader of the pack, but is awkward when he tries to be in charge bless his heart.

Diego’s wolf daemon is a not-so-secret softie. She prompts Diego to interact more with his family and sends longing glances towards Detective Patch and her daemon. She doesn’t get along with Luther’s daemon and always bristles when she’s around, though Luther’s daemon tends to ignore Diego’s and act like she’s above it all which just makes the issue even worse tbh. Diego’s daemon doesn’t shy away from her instincts and refers to the family as her pack and is very vocal about both not killing Grace (though later she sits and whines when Diego does it) and letting Vanya out (Diego spits vitriol about Vanya but his daemon is suspiciously silent on the subject).

Allison: a burmese python! I will freely admit that i chose this 90% because of the feather boa in the beginning dance scene because I want Allison to have her daemon constantly draped around her neck and on her body, but snakes do tend to be associated with manipulation as well in some stories even though I can’t see it looking at their cute little faces?? But I mean Allison’s whole gig is manipulation so it fits even though I’m only justifying it after the fact lmao. 

Allison’s daemon is very laid back and rarely speaks up. Allison often accuses him of being lazy because she tends to carry him everywhere and he’s constantly on the hunt for warm places to curl up in. He used to ride on the back of Luther’s daemon a lot when Allison got fed up of carrying him. Uses the fact that he doesn’t have eyelids to stare people down when they’re being irritating. Generally does not appreciate the negative press that comes with being a snake daemon and secretly him and Allison both wonder if him being a snake was a factor in her not getting custody of Claire. (Allison didn’t appreciate what he settled as and they fought about it, there’s still some tension between them on occasion because of it)

Klaus: a black cat! I almost gave him a raven because reasons but I ended up with a cat for pretty simple reasons: Klaus is pretty much a stray cat in human form tbh just look at him. Also because cats stare off into corners like they can see the dead and damned so I thought it was somewhat appropriate, and black cats are considered both lucky and unlucky depending on where you like (which lemme tell you as a black cat owner who moved from a lucky to unlucky area was a wild thing to find out). 

Klaus’s daemon is very sarcastic and a lot less forgiving than Klaus himself is. They hold a grudge to say the least. While most daemons tend not to speak to people who aren’t their own, Klaus’s daemon doesn’t give a single shit and will talk to anyone they damn well please. Doesn’t get along with Luther’s daemon because they constantly talk shit about Reggie and Reggie’s daemon, but gets along very well with Diego’s daemon and has ridden on her shoulder more than once. Shares Klaus’s power in that they can see the dead but ignores them even harder than Klaus because they’re secretly freaked out that ghosts don’t have daemons. Klaus and his daemon also hang out with Ben’s daemon, who for reasons unknown didn’t burst into dust upon Ben’s death but she generally stays out of sight.

Five: one part of me says hare because of the cryptic value and eyes that look like they could kill you and also jumping jokes and another part of me says hummingbird for plenty of good reasons but an even larger part of me says that I don’t have to choose because I can just symbolically make his daemon unsettled. She wasn’t settled before the apocalypse and then he kind of… never really grew up. Part of a daemon settling is growing up and knowing yourself but Five didn’t have a chance to do that, he was too focused on his goal. They both dislike the fact that she’s unsettled because they think it’s childish, but it’s also very handy because it means she’s adaptable as fuck. Maybe she pretends she’s settled as a hare or something while they work for the Commission idk and it’s a little reveal when he’s back home. Maybe they’re also separated like a witch’s daemon due to the Commission?? unclear

Five’s daemon tends to fade into the background if you’ll let her. She tends to be standoffish but is exceptionally observant. She very rarely speaks to anyone outside of Five, even among the siblings, though she’s not above bluntly calling them out if Five isn’t around and she deems it necessary. She likes Vanya best, though she was also fond of Ben. She tends to be the voice of reason for Five and probably takes most of Dolores’s lines in telling him drinking is bad for him or that his equations are wrong. There’s probably a dramatic scene where she’s revealed to be unsettled where she turns into a big fuckoff animal and fucks up the Handler or something idk but otherwise she’s pretty content to remain a hare and do a good impression of the rabbit from monty python if people fuck with her.

Ben: something smaller and easily hidden. My heart says rat because they’re so fucking good and smart so that’s what I’m going to run with, and also because they’re often viewed negatively and Ben has a power that he also views negatively rip. Also I’m gonna be real the idea of Klaus and Ben’s daemons being absolute bros as a cat and a rat also amuses me so there’s that and this is my au i do what i want. 

Ben’s daemon was withdrawn before his death and even more so after. No one knows why she didn’t turn to dust when Ben died, but she didn’t. None of the other siblings knew that she survived because she asked Klaus not to tell, worried that Reginald would experiment on her to try and figure out why she didn’t vanish. She spent most of their time before Klaus left hiding in his room, and after she hides in his clothes a lot and likes when he wears items with hoods (like Ben used to) because she likes to curl up in them. Like Five’s daemon, she doesn’t talk much. 

Vanya: a spotted owl! I wanted to give Vanya a winged daemon that can’t fly for most of the duration of the plot despite having wings because of general symbolism reasons regarding Reginald “clipping her wings” by suppressing her powers with medication and all that. Honestly I mostly picked a spotted owl on a whim because I like owls (I was a guardians of gahoole kid) and I think that the hints of white on a spotted owl would be a cool allusion to her powers and also there’s some sick imagery in her powers activating and her daemons colors reversing so that he’s primarily white soooo i do what i want is the answer

Like I said above, Vanya’s daemon is a bird daemon who… doesn’t fly. He mostly spends his time on a perch that Vanya bought for him in her apartment. He doesn’t actually spend a lot of time physically on Vanya outside of when they’re travelling somewhere, and she usually puts him down immediately when she arrives at her destination. He usually just walks about the house but like a chicken can do a sort of jump/flap combo to get up to surfaces so he’s alright for the most part. I want to say part of Leonard’s manipulations was that he also has a bird daemon and they try and teach Vanya’s daemon to fly as well as for her to access her powers.

and outside of the main kids (these aren’t nearly as well thought out and are liable to change probably - 

Reginald: a fox. Cunning and intelligent and adaptable, she’s regal and stone cold, never speaking directly to any of the children and she often acts as if they don’t exist or are so far beneath her they might as well not. Her coat is always pristine, her dark eyes are always watching, and her teeth are dazzling and sharp and threatening even though the kids see her far more rarely than they do their father. She’s a ruthless pragmatist and often served as an observer during their training, after which she would whisper in Reginald’s ear and oftentimes there was a new and inventive torture waiting for them. Sometimes the kids feared her more than they feared their father. She’s only ever shown anything even approaching affection to Luther’s daemon, and even that was just brushing herself past the other daemon and allowing a brief touch.

Hazel: a big grizzly bear. They often both complain about the lack of accommodations for large daemons when she has to squeeze her ass into their tiny motel rooms or in diner booths and restaurant tables in general. Tends to just stay in the hotel room and allow people to assume Hazel has a small daemon since they’re separated and her bulk is often cumbersome for missions. Has 100% charged in as the cavalry and fucked people up though don’t mistake her whining for her not being very dangerous.

Cha-Cha: my heart says a mountain lion and so that’s what i’m going with. Large and can do a lot of damage given the opportunity with those claws, pretty sneaky and damn good at his job. Is probably the one who scruffs Klaus’s daemon when they kidnap him from the house. He has a wicked sense of humor that Cha-Cha doesn’t always appreciate and always goes with for missions because he genuinely enjoys their work, doesn’t understand why Hazel’s daemon would rather stay behind.

Grace: yes I understand that Grace is a robot and no that’s not going to stop me from saying that Reginald gave her a mechanical clockwork butterfly daemon because I say so and because I think his daemon would have insisted that it’s far too creepy to look and see a human without a daemon and he’s trying to make her as realistic as possible, right? The butterfly is technically an extension of Grace, however Reginald never gave her daemon a voicebox because he deemed it unnecessary. He usually just sits on Grace’s shoulder slowly opening and closing his wings. A plot point is Grace finally naming her daemon for herself because Reginald never bothered with a name for him either.

The Handler: The Handler doesn’t have a daemon. Five asks her where her daemon is in the flashback scene where she recruits him and she laughs and tells him that that’s a rude question and never answers him. The daemon never shows up and other people and their daemons are noticeably unsettled by this. Five’s daemon genuinely is frightened by the Handler and tends to hide behind him, which the Handler comments upon with a saccharine smile. They never do figure out what happened to her daemon (though one of the office workers shares a rumor with Five that the Handler killed her own daemon for questioning the commission).

Patch: a terrier! My heart says border terrier so that’s what I’m going with. Dogged and unwilling to let go when she feels like she’s on the scent of something, she’s a good police officer even if she has torn loyalty to Diego as well. He’s a hardy little thing and he encourages her to bend the rules so much so that it used to be a running joke that her daemon might as well be Diego’s. Her daemon doesn’t bother with the hostilities and is always pleased to see Diego’s daemon. For the most part they just watch their idiot humans snipe at one another and are content to chill until Patch makes Diego leave. Their daemons always cheerfully say bye to each other and that they’ll see the other again soon even

Dave: my heart says also a dog. Probably a farm dog. Australian Cattle Dog, maybe? because my heart also says that Dave was probably raised as a good honest farm boy or at the VERY LEAST his grandparents had a farm he spent his summers on as a child. Very loyal. She absolutely adores Klaus and his daemon and Klaus’s daemon curled up with her constantly. Touching another person’s daemon is a social booboo but out there in Vietnam both daemons saved the other’s human at least once. Dave’s daemon pretends that she’s more sensible than him and often would complain at Klaus’s daemon that the sexual tension was genuinely killing her and if they kept gazing into one another’s eyes on the disco floor she was gonna barf. Klaus’s daemon would just roll their eyes because it’s not like they as daemons weren’t all touchy feely. Klaus’s daemon could be constantly seen grooming Dave’s with their little cat sandpaper tongue and Dave’s daemon constantly rested her head on Klaus’s to go to sleep sO. The scene where Dave dies is doubly sad because you see her turning into dust as Klaus’s daemon howls.

Agnes: almost forgot Agnes whoops. But I choose… a canary! Why? Because they’re bright and pretty and sing nicely and she would forever be explaining that yes, her daemon is a canary but it isn’t a domestic canary so that’s why he has brown on him and isn’t pure yellow. That and I think it would be sort of cute if Hazel’s attention was caught by pretty birdsong initially so a songbird it is. Agnes’s daemon, when her and Hazel are together, likes to snuggle down into Hazel’s daemon’s fur and make a small attempt to preen her even though she’s like a million times his size. He’s absolutely fearless and doesn’t hesitate at Hazel’s large daemon like a lot of small daemons do which endears him to the assassin duo. Like genuinely I picked canary on an absolute whim but that same goes for most of these and no one can stop me.

is that everyone?? i think that’s everyone

EDIT: I FORGOT LEONARD which goes to show how much i repress his existence

Leonard: a great skua. Am I basing this on the fact that I wanted his daemon to be a bird for plot reasons and the first mean bird I could think of was that one dude who wanted to eat baby Mumble in Happy Feet? maybe. But yeah a generally normal looking bird with the capacity for great violence there we go that’s my reasoning thank you and good night. His daemon is unsettling to literally everyone except Vanya probably tbh and Vanya calls Allison out on daemon stereotyping because Allison has a SNAKE she should be BETTER THAN THAT. But yeah that’s all I got for tonight thanks for reading lads.

#ask me #anonymous #not what u asked for anon but you made me think of a daemon au sO #daemon au #tua #the umbrella academy #far tua long #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #Allison Hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #number five #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #reginald hargreeves #Grace Hargreeves #hazel #tua hazel #cha-cha #tua cha-cha #the handler #tua dave #dave katz #tua agnes #agnes rofa #eudora patch #detective patch #i think that's everyone #this was really self indulgent y'all

[lumilasi]

Random oc facts (updated)

Because I’m bored

and because lot of stuff in this was now inaccurate after having been using my characters more in my stories, so I wanted to update this. 

(Well, to be fair, Wasabi, Reidou and Rankure haven’t appeared in any, tho Wasabi might)

Kain

- his health slowly gets better over the years, so as an adult he suffers less from complications such as vertigo, migraines, nausea, etc. His vision however ends up getting impaired hence he wears glasses.

- He does regain a little bit of emotional range overtime, and initially it is actually dangerous, because he can’t quite handle it. Namely, he can’t handle anger which tends to be the first emotion coming through. Him getting angry can cause his quirk to go out of control and even harm allies. 

- He’s not really available for dating due to being Aro/Ace, but he’d take advantage of someone crushing on him probably, if it could lead to something interesting/help him with whatever he is doing at the time.

- His relationship with Ryuu is difficult to describe; it’s not romantic by any means, but there is a very strong companionship bond between the two that has pretty much majority of the elements romantic relationships have, except the whole romance and intimacy part. 

- That being said Kain is definitely the boss of their relationship, and he tends to be a bit “parenty”/mentoring towards Ryuu, rather than viewing him as his equal. He does always take Ryuu’s thoughts and feelings into accordance, but mostly is the one making decisions. 

- Kain has a bit of a fixation on keeping promises, to the point he has a compulsory need to fulfill them. As a result, he tries to be very careful when speaking and wording things, to make sure he can leave himself some leeway. When his emotions start to creep back however, he tends to be less careful about it which can be taken advantage of by someone. 

- When it comes to the other three, Kain has respect for Reidou due to her babysitting him/trying to help him as a child before she was forced away. He finds Wasabi amusing and is fond of the kid (not as much as Ryuu) and is mostly neutral/disinterested in Rankure.

Ryuu

- Ryuu initially found Wasabi really annoying, but grew pretty fond of the kid quickly and is nowadays almost as protective over him as he’s over Kain

- Ryuu is pretty dumb and not a tactician by any means, he more follows his instincts or Kain’s instructions. He has near unshakable trust towards Kain, and looks up to him a lot due to how smart he is, and how calm he can stay in tough situations - both traits Ryuu secretly wishes he had. 

- Ryuu doesn’t usually recognize if someone flirts with him, he’s bit of an airhead in that department. If he does find out someone has a crush on him, he usually doesn’t know how to react, mostly questioning the person’s taste. While he has a very close bond with Kain, he’s never felt any physical or romantic attraction towards him per say. For Ryuu, Kain is his family that accepts him for who he is, it’s as simple as that. 

- he mostly comes off as brash, reckless and wild bastard who doesn’t give a shit, but that’s not entirely true; when he worries over somebody, Ryuu tends to calm down remarkably and hold back a lot if the situation needs it. Some people who’ve only ever seen his “villain” face would probably not recognize him when he’s being genuinely concerned over somebody.

- He has a wacky horrible taste in fashion, and if he could he’d wear the most random colorful shit he could get his hands on. Mainly because of the tight dress code in the orphanage he grew up in, it’s another form of “Fuck you” to the people who ran it. 

Wasabi

- Often wants to go on a dimensional trip with Kain and Ryuu, his mums usually won’t let him for a good reason

- He was pretty much home-schooled as Rankure couldn’t really bring him to any school initially due to the gang-trouble she was having, and later with Kei they figured his current mind-set would not necessarily be able to handle the setting and could result in him getting hurt, or other kids getting hurt.

- Wasabi almost always carries around a stick or so as a weapon, and he gets really upset if it breaks, sulking over it four hours, or until he finds a better stick.

- Adult Wasabi’s fighting style resembles Ryuu’s a lot with how fast his reflexes are and how much it involves kicking. He’s a bit smarter than Ryuu though, able to think more tactically, though not to the same extent as Kain. 

Rankure

- She tends to still visit her brother Higure’s grave every now and then, though she has to disguise herself when going to the city given her criminal record and the fact some people still have beef with her

- Rankure tends to always jump and perch up to somewhere high if Ryuu catches her off-guard. Her first reaction to meeting him and recognizing him as the infamous villain ’Frostbite’ was pretty much the same - and hiding behind Kei.

- She’s even more afraid of Kain, and honestly thankful the ginger tends to ignore her for the most part. generally, Rankure is easy to startle and scare.

- She loves to floof Kei’s already floofy hair and plop her head/face in there. She also likes to do this with Wasabi.

Kei

- She’s fully aware of how dangerous Ryuu (and Kain) are, but given her distrust in the hero-system due to what happened when she was a teen, Kei has chosen not to make a fuss if they are around, as long as the two behave. Plus calling the cops could just get her GF arrested too. (The villagers of the place they live in don’t really know about Rankure’s background, let alone the two boys)

- She still carries guilt over not being able to save Kain all those years ago, both from his dad and himself, which is also probably why she chooses to sort of turn a blind eye to their presence and occasional actions. You could call her morally grey or ’morally exhausted’ as she likes to put it.

- Kei was primarily the one to teach Wasabi how to read and write, as well as other basic stuff. She was also willing to teach him about whatever caught his interest, be it explaining how rain works, or how sushi is made.

- Generally speaking, Kain and Ryuu tend to lay low around the place, as both respect Kei enough to not cause problems.

#random character facts #my bnha ocs #i was bored #akashiro kain #kain akashiro #katagiri ryuu #ryuu katagiri #saname wasabi #rankure hanekijo #kei reidou #shitpost

[shipsinks]

gri.shaverse / sildroher au verse notes because i’m incapable of not doing that and we all know it.    also taking some light inspiration from chinese jiaoren mythos  ,  information taken primarily from sou shen ji ( kindle translation ) and from here.    as usual, this comes from discussions with @oflegendaries and any mentions of sqx refers to her portrayal.

NB : sildroher = the gri.shaverse merfolk  ,  whose magic is manifested through song.  they can take on human forms through the use of a specially-made sykurn knife  ,  but if it touches anything of the mortal world its powers will be rendered null and they won’t be able to transform back—as such  ,  the blades are closely-guarded when sildroher visit land.  

though born to a poor family  ,  he xuan showed powerful magic from a young age.    he was clever  ,  hardworking  ,  and learned quickly  ,  hoping one day to be appointed to work at one of the noble or royal households in order to provide for his elderly parents and younger sister.

the same day he was turned down from a position at a lesser royal household  ,  he xuan caught the eye of one of the younger sildroher princes.    it didn’t take long to see that he xuan was talented and bright  ,  and the prince extended an invitation for him to spend the summer on shore at the royal residence of söndermane.

the palace at söndermane was where a human king and queen hosted guests every summer.    an eclectic mix of royalty, nobility, musicians, scholars, and so on, there was always a delegation of sildroher royalty  ,  accompanied by the most favoured noble children.    using sykurn blades crafted with sildroher magic to give themselves legs  ,  for three months they would pose as human royalty and sample the pleasures of the land.

of course, he xuan wasn’t being brought along out of sheer kindness  ,  something he was aware of when he accepted the invitation.    the prince had been quick in his judgement—too powerful and too clever to be ignored—and decided he xuan could be useful.    it wouldn’t hurt to have he xuan think well of them  ,  or better still, feel a sense of obligation  ,  should he be asked, in the future, to give a favour in return.

he xuan knew this.    but those going to shore were future kings and queens  ,  future heads of the old noble families  ,  who would one day choose their own households.    their healers and court singers  ,  their royal tutors and scholars  ,  their advisers.    if one of them should remember beautiful  ,  wickedly clever he xuan when that time came  ,  one summer was a more than worthwhile trade.

and so he xuan went to shore with the rest of them  ,  leaving his parents and sister behind.

soon after arriving  ,  he met shi qingxuan  ,  a gr.isha squaller visiting with their brother, a tidemaker.     ( he xuan didn’t find out until years later about the curse placed on qingxuan as a child  ,  one that required an object infused with sildroher magic to break  ,  nor did he suspect their older brother would be so adept at spotting sildroher disguised on land. )

sildroher tended to take lovers while on land  ,  sampling as much as they could of the humans themselves as well as their culture.    for he xuan, there was only shi qingxuan.    although they spent almost every day of the summer together  ,  he never told them the truth of being sildroher instead of human—qingxuan would find out nine months after leaving söndermane  ,  giving birth to a child with decidedly non-human features.

the shi siblings’ departure was sudden  ,  although with the sildroher delegation set to leave a few days after  ,  he didn’t think as much of it as he later realised he should have done.  

it was only on their last day in söndermane  ,  when he xuan was preparing to leave, that he realised his sykurn blade was missing.    without it  ,  he wouldn’t be able to transform back and return with the others  ;  even if it was found  ,  having come into contact with the human world would make it useless.  

although some of the other sildroher expressed sympathy  ,  in the end they left  ,  with he xuan unable to follow.  until meeting sqx again years later  ,  he was never able to confirm who had taken the knife.    he did correctly suspect one of the shi siblings was behind it  ,  however  ;  outside of the other sildroher  ,  they were the only ones he’d been remotely close to during the summer.

( back home, his family was told that he had died.    it was considered kinder than giving them false hope he might come back—they hadn’t the money to pay for a new sykurn blade to be taken to him on shore—and it was generally believed among the sildroher who came back from söndermane that he wouldn’t last long on land anyway. )

meanwhile  ,  he xuan moved into söndermane city and set up a small business as a merchant  ,  weaving and selling high-quality cloth infused with silroher magic.  

as in canon  ,  he did very well for himself until jealous rivals ganged up on him  ,  leaving him struggling and in debt.    he was still just able to make ends meet  ,  however  ,  until one of his rivals accused him of sleeping with his wife.  

with he xuan’s word against that of an esteemed local ( and that slightly ethereal grace and beauty so natural to sildroher in their human forms had never been a bad thing before ) he was arrested and thrown in jail without much question.

on his release  ,  he attempted to revive his business  ,  but few people were willing to buy from him.    his rival merchants weren’t shy about rubbing it in his face either  ,  and there were some who liked to provoke trouble for their own amusement.

one night, several of them came by his shop—arrogant, a little drunk, looking to amuse themselves and confident in the fact that he couldn’t afford to fight back against them and make more trouble for himself.    until one of them got right up in his face  ,  and he xuan snapped  ,  shoving them away.    that was all it took for a fight to break out  ,  with neither side holding back.

the fight ended with one dead  ,  and the rest ( including he xuan ) badly hurt.    rather than staying to be arrested a second time  ,  he xuan left the same night  ,  taking up residence in a shack at the edge of the beach several miles away from söndermane city.  

he still has people come to buy from him  ,  sometimes.    always in secret  ,  often at night  ,  mostly following word of mouth.    though mainly dealing in the high-quality cloth he weaves by day  ,  he also puts sildroher magic to good use crafting a variety of objects from materials washed up on the beach.  

second nb : i couldn’t work it in here but i also Love the idea in jiaoren mythology of tears turning to pearls  ,  so that’s 100% something i’m applying here

#&. filled with resentment and murderous intent . ❪ headcanons ❫ #&. first a chorus ; then a flood . ❪ sildroher au ❫ #long post //

[moonlitgleek]

What do you think about the idea that the unnamed Princess of Dorne shares some culpability for Elia's death because she forced Elia to marry a man Elia did not love for the sake of her obsession with besting Tywin and gaining influence in court? (Imagine how different Elia's life would have been if she had married Arthur Dayne, No humiliation at Harrenhal, no watching her children being murdered, no Elia herself being brutally raped and murdered.)

That’s quite a reach. This interpretation goes out of its way to place blame on the Princess of Dorne by deliberately misrepresenting the circumstances of Elia’s marriage and painting the Princess as a merely an obsessed power-hungry woman who sacrificed her daughter for the sake of power. Which I vehemently disagree with. She is not Tywin Lannister, anon.

First of all, for one to claim that the Princess of Dorne is culpable in Elia’s death assumes that she could have reasonably predicted Rhaegar’s actions, which she couldn’t have. There were no warning signs of what Rhaegar would do and no reason for anyone to think that the famously chivalric prince would screw up so badly or be so impolitic. Up until Rhaegar actually botched things at Harrenhal, he was a reputable man that many looked to as the hope for the future of House Targaryen. No one could have looked at him circa 279 and concluded that he’s behave so irrationally or so publicly, or that he’s fail his wife and children so profoundly. So if, to the best of the Princess of Dorne’s knowledge, Rhaegar was a trustworthy and honorable man, what are you blaming her for? Not being clairvoyant?It’s not reasonable to blame the her for not expecting the unexpected when she had absolutely no indication of it. She could not have known and I’m not about to blame her for failing to see the future.

Second, I take issue with how you made Elia’s betrothal and marriage to be primarily about settling a score with Tywin which I find extremely minimizing to the Princess of Dorne. This frames a huge political action - one that more or less defines her character in our eyes since it’s the only one we “saw” her take - as merely a reaction to a slight, one that you go on to imply that she put above the well-being of her daughter. It makes her actions to be mainly about Tywin rather than her own. While she definitely found satisfaction in “winning that tilt” as Tyrion puts it, that was just the icing on the cake imo. Our knowledge of the Princess of Dorne may be minimal but it’s quite clear that she was a deft political player in her own right with an eye towards the advancement of both her House and her principality, and an ear to the ground to catch changes in the political landscape which was turbulent in Aerys’ reign. She was adept at the type of personal politics that direct Westeros and extremely effective at utilizing her personal relationships as a prelude to marital and political alliances. That precedes Tywin’s insult. That she was looking for an alliance with a great house outside of Dorne also precedes Tywin’s insult as evidenced by the fact that the two suitors we heard of prior to Rhaegar were no less than the heir to the Hightower and the heir to Casterly Rock. Taking her personal connection to House Targaryen into account and the fact that it was known that Aerys was specifically looking for a Valyrian-blooded bride for Rhaegar that he sent Steffon Baratheon to Volantis to find one, it’s only natural that the Princess of Dorne took the chance to ally herself with the royal family, especially at a time where everyone was making great alliances. First and foremost, that was because the Princess was an active and smart political player in the game, not primarily because she wanted to inflame Tywin Lannister. That was just a welcome added bonus.

Lastly, describing the situation as the Princess of Dorne forcing Elia to marry a man she did not love is a misrepresentation since it completely ignores the context of the marriage, the nature of Westerosi society, and the sociopolitical considerations that directs marriage practices in it. Marriage is a tool of political alliance in feudal societies. Politics are what determine marriage because that’s how the power structure is maintained. Which of course does commodify individuals, especially women, as pawns to be used to gain alliances, political power, status, economic privileges, etc which in turn undermines consent. The sociopolitical environment of Westeros means that people rarely get to choose their spouses, they rarely get to marry for love, they rarely even get consulted. Most marriages are arranged through the heads of Houses, sometimes when the betrothed individuals are still children. That removes true agency from people.

Still, I’d still say that there is a huge difference between the average arranged marriage that might not have had the prior and explicit free consent of the two parties but wasn’t rejected or opposed to our knowledge, and between scenarios like that of Jon Arryn and Lysa Tully, or Robert Baratheon and Lyanna Stark where the woman unambiguously rejected the match and was forced into it. I find it hard to paint them all with the same brush as forced unions. In the same vein, while we don’t know much about the circumstances of Rhaegar and Elia’s marriage, and they certainly did not choose each other or were in love, we’ve gotten no indication that either of them was opposed to the match or that the Princess of Dorne forced Elia into an unwanted situation against her will. That may be a result of how little we know about Elia and the actual marriage to Rhaegar beyond somewhat pleasant if limited reflection from Barristan Selmy. But in the absence of as much as a hint that Elia rejected the match, I hesitate to assume that this was the case.

And yes, the Princess of Dorne did want political power and influence in court but again, it’s a feudal society. This is how the game is played. This doesn’t make her a blindly ambitious person who sacrificed her daughter for some power and a grudge. All the information she had indicated that she was marrying her daughter to a good man - a renowned knight known for his chivalry and opposition to his father. To the best of the Princess of Dorne’s knowledge, Rhaegar Targaryen was a perfect groom for her daughter whether politically or personally. Not only was he the future king and the wielder of unparalleled political power, but he was seemingly a decent man who many viewed as the hope for the future of the Targaryen dynasty - a famously chivalric knight that was the complete opposite of his selfish and mad father, a handsome well-read man with a penchant for singing, well-beloved by the smallfolk and respected by the nobles. No one could have looked at Rhaegar circa 279 and seen anything but a vision of a groom.

#asoiaf meta #asoiaf #the unnamed princess of dorne #elia martell #rhaegar targaryen #Anon asks #ask box #marriage practices in westeros

[thekrazykeke]

With the next chapter of When the Night Comes airing tomorrow, I decided to share a bit about my Hunter, Bem. Man, oh man, I wish I possessed the ability to draw, y’all don’t even know. Questions come from here.

Besadeliamon Suriz. I choose to call them Bem, obviously, because it rolls off the tongue easier. Admittedly my desire for a complicated name comes from the fact that Stiles’ name is never revealed (or was it?) at the end of Teen Wolf. That and I just wanted to be extra.

26 years old.

5′7″.

They/them.

Demiromantic demisexual.

Currently no one. They have an interest in both Finn and Ezra. Finn, the attraction was instant and mostly physical, however, after their rocky first meeting, it’s gotten harder to label Finn as just a pretty face. Ezra was the first person they met, and it was just this instant connection, he’s a balm to their soul, gentle and understanding without being patronizing about it. #SignThemUpYas

They had one serious relationship in the past; flings are easier and less messy in general.

Rezan (uncle), Kesiril (older sister), Laez (aunt). It’s a complicated situation overall, but to put it in simple terms, Bem has a distant relationship with their remaining family members. 

Bem had a pretty decent childhood overall until their eighth, almost ninth birthday. The family was definitely bigger, with four other siblings: Ter, Genvelm, and Sivl as the triplets and the youngest, Viviri being the eldest, with Kesi being the second born; Bem is -- was -- the middle child. The siblings were raised by their mother, Lamesa. Their father died years ago, before Kesi was born. I plan to type up the full story about that soon.

As an adult, Bem is...kind of adrift? Lost? They say that they’re fine with always being on the move, never settling down. However, it’s just a facade. The truth is that Bem is lonely and desperate to connect with someone, yet they’re too embarrassed to actually admit it aloud. So instead, there’s just constant jokes in every conversations, diversive topics to avoid talking about anything real and of substance. 

Bem’s childhood friend, Annj Yia, has always been ready and willing to wrekt shit for Bem. 

Someone kind. Understanding. Loyal. That’s the main thing that gets them hot, tbh. Indepent types are also good, since sometimes they can be gone on a Hunt for weeks, months, even. 

Bem is of average height with a swimmer’s build; not overly bulky as too much muscle would be a hindrance, but it’s clear that they work out. Their skin is a beautiful dark brown. Full lips that show off a wicked grin or amused smile and the dimples. Dark brown eyes that almost look black. Shoulder length black dreadlocks in a neat ponytail. 

There’s a scar right above their throat, it’s old, kind of jagged. Wide though, almost like a burn mark. 

Bem has a dragon tattoo that spans the entire left side of their body, which includes their shoulder, chest, back and stops at their left ankle. Something like this. 

I covered that in #14, which is the most obvious. Bem has a few other minor scars, bite marks, scratches, burns, etc. There are scars all over their body, but primarily the back and lower abdomen area. 

No prosthetics.

Bem likes to use a bow and arrow mainly, archaic certainly, however they’re also skilled with dual wielding, and carries a dagger and several knives on their person at all times. 

Tracking is their specialty. They’ve never had an issue with actually finding their target and devising a strategy to capture or subdue a creature with minimum risk and damage is absolutely important but usually a fading dream. 

Overthinking is their downfall. Bem is not a fan of pain and while they’re able to put up with this as it’s literally their job, pretty much, they really, really would like to avoid getting hurt too badly, thanks. Sometimes, while coming up with plans and strategies, they forget the most important part of the whole excursion, which is usually to kill the creature. Normally, this bad habit is offset by another Hunter, however, if they’re alone, Bem has to be their own minder, which wasn’t always successful in their younger years; they’ve gotten marginally better. 

Bem is generally very helpful to those they meet. On the flip side though, they can also be very petty and vindictive.

Little of Column A, little of Column B.

Bad pick up lines. Overall a positive environment, usually. 

Being lied to. Bem is slow to anger, honestly but if you lie to them, hoh boy, they go off. Minor instances don’t really matter, nor do white lies, but the big stuff? The important things? Yeah, that’ll get you on their bad side and you’ll probably never be off of it.

People reaching out to touch their hair without their explicit permission.

Outwardly, Bem looks to be the most chill person there is. Truthfully, they get worried and stressed out very quickly, often to the point of being sick with it.

Yes, please. 

Depending on the topic, yes. Mainly, no.

Depends.

For the most part.

Bem doesn’t really believe in luck, so they say. Yes, they’re confident in their abilities.

Y E S.

No.  

They like dogs, mainly. From a distance.

Unfortunately.

Annj usually can make them smile, whether it’s with an offbeat joke or whatever weird happenstance that went on in her day. 

Depends on the weather, the hotter or colder it is, the more layers they put on or discard.

Compertalization has been Bem’s friend for years. If they can ignore it and shove it down without ever addressing the issue, it’s A-okay with them. Usually, their nightmares consist of their family’s murder. 

They cried over missing Kesi’s wedding. Bem tends to cry when they’re alone, or think they’re alone. They’ve always put on a farce of being strong, they can’t stand being thought of as weak.

Annj has seen them at their lowest and worst, and accepted them regardless. 

Not often, but yes. 

If it’s well meaning criticism, absolutely.

Bem usually prefers to handle their problems indoors, in private. If there’s a problem you have with them, do not go shouting it to all passerby, pull them aside and demand that they speak, then they’ll go without issue. 

Being able to feel as if they’ve made a small difference in protecting those weaker than themself. 

Contradictory orders 

A better relationship with their remaining family members. Bem really does care about them, but feels as if they’re always in the way or being a general nuisance.

Prayer beads made into a bracelet that Annj made for them on their twentieth birthday; it's made with red and black beads, and they never take it off except to bathe. 

Goofing off with Annj most likely, probably sharing a drink or two with her.

I like that Bem can be perceived as unflappable and unreliable but they’re secretly a softie. 

Bem speaks slowly, in a drawling tone almost. It’s not on purpose, it’s just, they have an issue with stammering and tripping over their words sometimes, and after being teased for this verbal tic too many times to count, they adopted this habit. 

#when the night comes #hunter oc #wtnc hunter #wtnc questions

[we-pay-for-everything]

Happy International Women’s Day!

Despite identifying as a feminist since my teenage years, I’ve never actually cared about International Women’s Day. It was always just my grandma’s b-day! Today, however, I found myself wanting to celebrate it in some way. I can only imagine how many women in dozens of countries had to fight for years until this day was created for them, and for all women who came before and after them. I shamefully confess that I don’t know much about Women’s History (which I shall rectify!). I’m still finding out what being a feminist means, and how best to be one. It’s a very complex issue, with many perspectives to consider. So, I can’t write a post about feminism, not in the strictest sense. It would be ignorant of me. My opinions are both defined and vague, lacking in facts to support them.

Instead of adding something “substantial” to the feminist discussion, I want to talk a little bit about fictional women. Because this blog is primarily Buffyverse, I thought I’d share some thoughts on female characters in general, and how that relates to feminism, using Buffyverse women as examples.

We often talk about “strong” female characters. Sometimes we say “strong and complex”. But I believe every woman is strong; strength is hard to define, and I believe we are all as strong as we can be. People who are considered “weak” are often just people who don’t believe in something enough to fight for it, or are just struggling to survive. We are all strong; strength looks different in everyone. We don’t know what goes on in another person’s mind; what the circumstances and the reasoning behind their actions are; how their biology influences those actions. We don’t get to call someone “weak”. “Strong” people are often lucky enough to have achieved or overcome something that “weak” people were never given the chance to achieve or overcome in the first place.

But “strong” female characters aren’t just emotionally strong. Often, they are physically strong. They don’t cry much. They’re beautiful. Essentially, they are what society wants women to be. “Strong” means impossibly perfect, attractive, “badass”... It’s part of our mainstream feminism, this idea that “strong” women have to be successful in their careers, wear the perfect shade of lipstick, be the perfect combination of assertive and humble. In real life, women like Beyoncé or Ariana Grande are “strong” women; they’re successful, feminine, beautiful, and outspoken. And this is what us, women, want to be. It’s not enough to be strong, or beautiful, or successful. We need to have it all. Mainstream feminism is the kind of feminist that both men and women can stomach. It goes down easy. Who doesn’t like beautiful, successful women that don’t rock the boat? Capitalism  loves this feminism. It sells “women are the future” t-shirts made in sweatshops by underpaid women (woc, usually). Feminism in pop culture is about believing powerful, rich women are inherently more feminist than regular women because they rub elbows with rich, powerful men, in the capitalist men’s club. They made it! They are part of the problem now.

And how does this relate to the Buffyverse? Maybe it doesn’t. This is supposed to be a feminist post after all! But like many of you, I’m tired of “strong” female characters. It implies that not all women are strong, and leaves out the fact that “strong” usually means “hot”, “young”, and “badass”. Many Buffyverse female characters are “strong”. They’re young, gorgeous, badasses, who also happen to be emotionally resilient, assertive, passionate. I have nothing against beautiful women. But we can’t all be conventionally attractive. Women should be allowed to be ugly without feeling ugly, without being defined by our ugliness. Men have this privilege. We don’t. Let’s step away from this narrative of “strong” female characters and choose instead to talk about “complex” female characters, ie., women with full backstories, with tons of flaws and qualities, who don’t have to prove how strong they are because it’s assumed already. Unsurprisingly, most “strong” female characters aren’t all that complex.

The Buffyverse writers were always aware of their feminist credentials. They tried to write “strong” women who were also complex. To be honest, they mainly succeeded. Except “strong” women need to prove their strength. And so women in the Buffyverse are abused, humiliated, put through the wringer time and time again, to prove they are, indeed, strong. “Feminist” characters – strong female characters with important roles and lives outside of men – are created through an inherently sexist process. Men are always assumed to be strong. They don’t have to prove that they’re layered and that their lives don’t revolve around women. But female characters need to prove that they’re different from other female characters, that real women can look up to them.

Oh, how I long for ugly female characters! For women who don’t wear perfect makeup and clothing at all times! For women with ugly flaws, who are relatable nonetheless. If your character isn’t relatable in some way, then it’s not a good character! Us, human beings, share more similarities than differences. There’s always something that unites us. Why is it that “strong” female characters aren’t always relatable? Villains are often more relatable because they are allowed to be ugly on the inside. Villains are selfish, usually ambitious, manipulative. And so are we! We are all selfish. We all fail ourselves and others lots of times. Lilah Morgan will always be my favorite Buffyverse woman because she was allowed to be dark and ugly on the inside. She was selfish, intelligent, cruel. She didn’t live to please people. She was despicable and admirable. She was complex, and beautiful, and “strong”, but she was also a “bitch”. You know a female character is good when a man calls her a “bitch”. A “bitch” doesn’t care what men want or think. They’re dangerous to their egos.

I initially wanted to write a post to celebrate female characters. Buffy, Willow, Lilah, Faith, Kendra, Dawn, Fred, Anya, Tara, Cordelia, Anne, Jenny, Kate… even Justine, Eve, Harmony, etc. But these strong female characters were mainly written and created by men. And thus I couldn’t talk about how much I loved them without first mentioning how I wish they had been written differently...

I wished they hadn’t suffered so much. I wish they hadn’t been martyred. I wish they hadn’t been slut-shamed. I wish they’d been written by more women. I wish they’d been more diverse. I wish they’d had better endings. I wish I could see more of myself in them. I wish they could’ve been complex and engaging without having to be beautiful and “strong”. And I also wish Sarah Michelle Gellar hadn’t been forced to wear uncomfortable heels and clothing, even during challenging fight scenes, just because “strong” women are also conventionally feminine and stylish. I wish Joss Whedon hadn’t potentially taken advantage of what he called the “beautiful, needy, aggressive young women” on his set. I wish better for all women. I hope we can do better now.

#international women's day #btvs #ats #anti joss whedon #about me #this is the most personal and unusual post on this blog #I thought it was great when I first wrote it #and now it doesn't make any sense #I have often called my favorite female characters strong so I hope I don't come across as an hypocrite #it's a different kind of strong #this post makes no sense #sorry