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honeytonedhottie · 2 months

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starting ur fitness girlie era⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🌷

starting ur fitness girlie era is actually super easy! its consistency and discipline where most ppl struggle. i hope this post can help make the sustenance of ur fitness girlie era super easy and fun + some fun working out resources to start ✨

FOR CLARITY ;

when starting anything, the most important thing, although cliche is starting from a place of love rather then hate. it feels better and is more sustainable in the long run.

be clear on your goals for ur fitness girlie era. is this something that u wanna maintain in ur day to day life for general health? do you wanna gain/lose some weight? do you just wanna be stronger?

knowing what ur trying to achieve makes finding workouts that target your goal specifically more easy (the more specific the better)

WHERE DOES NUTRITION COME INTO PLAY ;

you should be fueling ur body properly in order for ur body to function well when ur in ur fitness girlie era. if ur goal for example is to gain weight but u notice that u have a habit to eat very little, make a log.

WIEIAD LOG (NUTRITION CONTINUED) ;

i started a what i eat in a day log for a couple reasons. one bcuz i love lists and documenting things about myself, and two bcuz i wanted to make sure that i was eating well and eating good quality foods. bcuz i notice that when i eat well -> i feel well.

eat to fuel your body, dont eat just to eat

include fresh foods

make sure that you eat healthy portions (calling four almonds a meal is NOT healthy, and calling six pizza pies a meal is NOT healthy)

overall just be mindful of what u decide to fuel your body with. an easy drink that helps to be mindful with what u fuel ur body with is with SMOOTHIES.

im so sick of ppl sleeping on smoothies cuz if u dont like to directly eat vegetables or if u want an easy way to intake fresh fruits and veggies smoothies are the way to GO.

ROMANTICIZATION ;

the fun part of the whole journey, romanticization. made a pinterest board for ur fitness journey aesthetic and make it super pretty. invest in cute workout clothes to motivate urself to workout.

formulate a playlist for ur workout, something that gives u energy and motivates you. find a workout class or a youtube channel that you love. dont make working out BORING. get a workout buddy, make some video diary entries about working out/ur workout for the day.

make a blog that records whatever workout that u did. find fun ways to work out, like dancing or going on hot girl walks. create an atmosphere where u can work out and treat the time that u spend working out as a time to nurture and nourish your body.

PATIENCE AND PERSISTENCE ;

motivation isnt going to get u through a sustainable fitness girl journey, motivation can only get you so far. its DISCIPLINE that gets you the results that you want and consistency.

be patient with yourself even if u fall off ur routine and grind, ur only human so let yourself live. as long as you dont make falling off a habit, you'll be okay.

make sure that u emphasize the mind -> body connection bcuz thats super important. working out is not just about working up a sweat; it's about connecting with your body and embracing the mind-body connection.

FUN AND EFFECTIVE WAYS TO WORKOUT ;

le sserafim workout - i've done the le sserafim workout once or twice and it absolutely destroyed me 💀 but in a good way. its challenging but its also rly effective so i recommend.

dancing - if ur into dancing, find a way of dancing that u enjoy to do. some examples include ; ballet, kpop dances, jazz etc

join a sport - join a sport with a friend to make it more fun! but theres lots of different sports that u can play and not only is it good for ur health, but its also super fun

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cumulo-stratus · 6 months

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Protector

Pairing: spencer reid x male!reader

Summary: after an unsub tries to hurt y/n, spencer steps in.

Warnings: cannon typical violence, talk of not being able to breath, Lemme know if theres anything else!

flufftober day 17: protective

A/N: were gonna ignore the fact that im skipping day 16 (im a touch avoid et autistic and the idea of a massage makes me so uncomfortable and i just couldnt write guys im sorry 😭) also ik i kinda ghosted yall on fics for like a couple weeks buuttttt (haha butt) i just got super busy with school, but its started to calm down again, i got all the presentations and tests out of the way so ill have more time to write after school. thx for being understanding <3!

Y/n fit the unsubs victims almost to a T- and y/n knew that. He knew that with no other options at this point, he would have to go undercover to bait her. And Spencer knew this- but it didn't mean he was happy about it. Y/n knew Spencer had abandonment issues- and tried his best to comfort Spencer, reminding him that both, and the rest of the team would be waiting close by incase anything happens.

"Spence- I'll be okay, I'll have Morgan, Rossi, and prentiss in there with me- and I'm sure we can convince Hotch to let you go undercover in the bar so you can be nearby."

"Good- I need to be there incase something happens."

Y/n sighed and looked at Spencer- his eyes full of care for his boyfriend, nad gave him one last reassuring kiss before leaving spencer on his own for. a minute and rejoining the team to go over the plan one more time, just to be safe. And to ease spencers mind.

y/n was sat in front of the bar in the extremely crowded pub, wearing fancy clothes, giving the appearance of wealth. The woman they were trying to catch believed that men didn’t deserve money, and she was punishing them for having it by torturing and killing them. Y/n was hoping they would be able to arrest her before she gets to the torturing part of her routine. He zoned back into the present when he heard someone approach him. She was dressed in a skin tight red dress that hugged her curves, and had a flirty look on her face.

"So- what's a man like you doing at such a 'working class' place like this?"

Her sickeningly sweet tone made y/b want to vomit, but he hid it well, glancing over at Emily who was across the bar, keeping a close eye on the situation.

"Well, sometimes I don't mind getting my shoes a little dirty with the 'average person'"

Y/ns voice was flirty, causing him to internally cringe at his own words, hating that he sounded like a yuppie. But hid it and let the unsub continue trying to seduce him.

"Wel I'd be perfectly happy to help you rub a little mud on those jimmy choos if you like..."

Y/n almost grimaced, but held back. He threw a glance across the bar to spencer, hoping to reassure him that he was okay. And when they met eyes for a second, y/n could tell that spencer still wasn’t happy about him being there. Y/n did the best he could to reassure him with his eyes from the other end of the bar, before returning to the conversation with the unsub. She was now starting to get hands y with, and y/n knew she had decided he was going to be her next victim. Eventually she invited him to walk her to her car.

“after all, i’m a petite woman by myself at night…”

All y/n could think about was the major pick me girl energy radiating off her, but outwardly he just smirked and extended his arm for her to take.

“of course, i could never turn a lady like you down.”

And as the pair made their way to the front door, spencer was the first to lift himself from his seat, following discreetly as if he had received a phone, and needed to leave the bar. Almost immediately after the door swung closed she start feeling y/n up, and spencer could feel a green jealousy boiling in the back of his mind. And. he couldnt help himself from walking slightly closer so he could hear what she was saying to his boyfriend.

“you know- i dont know if its safe for me to drive, maybe you should drive me back to your place, and we could continue this…”

Y/n smirks, which makes spencer even more jealous, but hold holds back for the good of the case. As the pair approach the unsubs car, she pushes him against the car, kissing him- no, actually it was more like she was eating his face. Now it wasn’t only jealousy coursing through him, but also anger. Not anger like the bright red, passionate, kind, more like a dark maroon simmering in the pit of his stomach, ready to boil over kind. But a warning glance from Rossi and Morgan, who had now joined him in the parking lot while Prentiss updated Hotch, told him to back off. And he did, but he wasn’t sure how long he could hold himself back. Now y/n wasnt enjoying it either, but he just closed his eyes and sucked it up, practically counting the seconds till it would be appropriate to stop kissing having his face eaten, and get in the car. But y/n lost count of the where he was when he felt a hand grasp his neck. He knew later that this is how she had been subduing her victims, as they would already be out of breath from making out with her, and she would have the upper hand. But y/n couldn’t possibly process that. The only words that had been going through his mind as his entire life flashed in front of him were ‘Air. Need air.’

And thankfully his wishes were granted when the feeling of hands around his neck vanished, and over the sound of blood rushing in his ears he could hear shouts resembling “FBI Amy Brockett your under the arrest for the murders of James leason, Christian Lanery, and Gregory Poultan!”

But what grabbed his attention more was when a blurry face with the outline of a mop of brown, curly hair filled his vision- it was spencer. And he himself was now on the ground, coughing.

As soon as spencer had seen the woman’s hand wrap around y/n’s neck, he bolted across the semi large parking lot with his gun raised. When he arrived he pulled the unsub off y/n with more strength then he knew he had, and threw her onto the ground, looking her dead in the eyes and saying “You ever touch him again, i wont hesitate to shoot you” in a low, almost growl. But what stopped him from turning and tending to his boyfriend who was now crumpled on the pavement, coughing to regain his breath, was a scoff from the woman who was now being handcuffed and read her rights by Morgan. But spencer didn’t care enough about the unsub to send more than a dirty look her way before turning his attention to his boyfriend at the sound of another violent cough. Spencer knelt down, taking y/n’s face in his hand, while the other one dragged lazily up and down his back, coaching him through the coughing fit. And it was only then that spencer noticed the tears staining y/n’s cheeks.

“Oh angel its ok, im here, you’re ok.”

Y/n released a small hiccup, falling easily into spencers arms. Spencers eyes searched his boyfriends body for any other injuries other then the marks on his neck that were already becoming a maroon-ish purple hue. spencers eyebrows were creased in concern at the marks on his partners necks and when y/n noticed this he tried to reassure him.

“spence- baby im fine, i just needed to catch my breath..”

even though y/n’s breathing he evened out it was still sounding a little weezy as harshly tried to rub away the tears in his eyes. spencer caught y/n’s in his own, preventing the harsh red skin y/n was leaving behind from rubbing his skin so strongly.

“angel, come on lets go have a paramedic check you out..”

spencer helped y/n up, and only then did he notice how many police cars and ambulances had filled the parking lot with screaming sirens and blaring lights. The couples faces were basked in blue and red light as spencer lead y/n to a paramedic to get checked out. And as y/n sat there, the paramedic poking and prodding- spencer stayed planted next to him, hand in his.

The End

#spencer reid #criminal minds #bau #bau team #fluff #spencer reid x reader #gay #flufftober #spencer reid x male reader #spencer reid fluff #comfort #criminal minds fan fic #spencer reid imagine #flufftober 2023 #flufftober day 17 #flufftober prompt

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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months

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CAN YOU ZOOBLE AND POMNI X INTROVERTED READER PLZ

Pomni and Zooble x introverted reader!

no need to yell/lh sorry it took me a while to get to this, ive been busy lately and generally just not been feeling like myself lately </3 waiting on the oven to preheat so i think i might try to write in between baking... hmm typos may be more noticeable since i got a bandaid on my finger, accidentally sliced it open </3 idk what to do for the gif uuuuuuh based off the admin themselves being an introvert

POMNI:

i think she might be an introvert too. i think it should be relevant to remind everyone that not all introverts are shy and closed off, and not all shy and closed off people are introverts; being an introvert just means you like being able to do stuff by yourself + having a lower social battery.. and i think that fits pomni really well, at least based off of the pilot alone. you guys both understand your needs in regards to outside stimulation and socialization, and you both work to make sure your needs are met! often times, activites between the two of you are calmer and more down to earth rather than something high energy and spontaneous... i think you guys do a lot of planning and routine with stuff and try to stick to it

ZOOBLE:

hands down zooble is also an introvert + i just think they dont like most people. i dont want to say cynical.... but they definitely arent always trying to see the best in everyone at all times... a lot of the times, when you two are hanging out, its just you two quietly existing in the same room. there isnt much conversation, though when there is one you guys can talk for a while on the topic.. i think zooble might have a lower social battery than most, so sometimes theyre going to need their alone time.. though i do think they would communicate that youre not annoying or bothering them, that they just need a minute. they would respect you if you ever needed the same!

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #pomni x reader #pomni x you #pomni imagine #zooble x reader #zooble x you #zooble imagine

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batmanshole · 4 months

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ylfvaaa do you have any makeup and skincare recs 😭 im trying to get into skincare but i have no idea where to start, i see a lot of people hyping up korean skincare but idk what products live up to the hype. and i need new makeup badly but im scared of ordering a primer and then it sucks yknow. you seem really knowledgeable so if you can help me out it’d be much appreciated <3

hi anon. before i get into this i love you. i love when people ask me about this kinda stuff. makes me so happy. cosmetic chemistry autism.

ALSO to get your primer thing out of the way: i dont rlly use it but ive heard good things about the ELF one and my sister swears by the NYX one and her base is rlly good. so.

also i'd look on the following websites / stores:

sephora for western brands / mainstream kbeauty yesstyle for korean and japanese stuff chic decent or individual websites for chinese beauty (i usually get mine in person tho)

under the cut cause its long af. also i linked to some products but none of this is sponsored or affiliate or anything im just linking cause i like em 👍

OK FIRST OF ALLL. starting w skincare.

i would break down your routine into three main parts: -cleansing -moisturizing / hydrating -SPF

if you wanna get fancy, you can do exfoliation between cleansing and hydrating. but you really dont have to do that if u dont want to

first: cleansing

if you wanna wear makeup you should have a good way to take it off. no. no put the makeup wipes down. they aren't efficient and u will go through SO many of them. and they're a pain and can irritate ur skin w all the wiping (trust me on this one LOL)

i would recommend using an oil based product for this!! melts ur makeup OFFFF like crazy + even if you don't use makeup it will leave ur skin super clean ^__^ ALSO you should apply this to DRY SKIN and wash it off with lukewarm water (the oil emulsifies w water and also very cold water can make it harder to remove)

if you want an oil-based makeup remover for quick removal w a cotton pad: clinique take the day off (47cad ) this one is expensive tbh and isn't as effective as the others BUT. it takes a lot less energy to use + can be done quickly. if you want a cleanser that will take off your makeup incredibly well while washing ur face: kose softymo speedy cleanser (18cad) this is my absolute FAV. i use it allll the time it works so so well and ive reccomended it to tons of ppl before and theyve all liked it. if you want a cleansing balm for heavier makeup: clean-it zero cleansing balm original (30cad) i haven't tried this one myself, but i've heard VERY good things about it.

next i would follow that up with a water based cleanser (so foaming or gel). this will help to wash away all the stuff that the oil cleanser has loosened up and will wash away leftover oil cleanser.

my FAVOURITE is the senka perfect whip cleanser (14.50cad) i adore this stuff!! ive heard some people find it very drying but i havent had that issue? idk i've also heard good things about this beauty of joseon green plum gel cleanser (14.70 cad) but i haven't used it myself. huge fan of BOJ tho!!

(this is the part where you would exfoliate if you wanted to. for a chemical exfoliant i use the giant bottle of clinique stuff my aunt got me but its not worth the price tbh. u could also try the beauty of joseon apricot peeling gel (14.70cad) IF your skin can handle it. its a physical exfoliant tho so be careful. i also enjoy the pixi glow tonic. u can get this at like shoppers or cvs or somethign idk)

second: hydrating and moisturizing

okay so. this is super important if you do a lot of makeup and thus have to wash it away thoroughly.

i start with a hydrating toner. this helps to add water to your skin and smooth it (adding water before moisturizer is a good idea bc the moisturizers will both add moisture and lock in hydration from any prev products)

i use the the I'm from rice toner (38 cad but on sale rn) which is my absolute absolute FAAAV toner. super hydrating super perfect and beautiful. stunning. (you've probably seen people talk about the cosrx snail mucin, and it is nice i will admit. but do NOT use it if you are allergic to shellfish or dust, apparently. also apply it right after your hydrating toner, it needs to be on wet skin)

then i go in with a moisturizer!! i like to use ones with niacinimide or other humectants.

my go-to is the innisfree jeuju cherry blossom dewey glow jelly (35cad) she's so important to meee <3 love her. all time fav. it is SCENTED tho, so if you don't like that, try: beauty of joseon red bean water gel (17.80cad) super lightweight and has no noticeable scent. ive heard very good things and my friend is trying it soon ^__^

finally: SPF

this is THE most important step. sunscreen. wear sunscreen.

apply your sunscreen under your makeup in the morning, and throughout the day. if you wanna reapply using a sun stick, that's great!!! but don't use a sun stick as your ONLY protection.

also i'd avoid pure mineral sunscreens unless you have a legit allergy to chemical ones. mineral sunscreens are not as good and a lot of the marketing is iffy. also they leave a white cast which is esp noticeable on darker skin. mineral + chemical ones are usually fine tho :-)

my fav sunscreen is the biore UV aqua rich watery gel / watery essence (26cad) legit the best feeling sunscreen i have EVER used. my friends who hate sunscreen like this one. there's also the beauty of joseon rice probiotic releif sun cream (24cad) which is very nice too!! not my fav but a lot of people swear by it for reapplying throughout the day, i would use the beauty of joseon matte sun stick (24cad). ive heard super good things but ihavent tried it cause im finishing my other sun stick rn lol

this is all fairly basic stuff since u said you were new to it, but i can also go thru some less necessary, more fancy products if you ever need.

as for makeup, my favourite brands are:

-flower knows -rom&nd (romand) -daisique -etude -lilybyred

and i've heard really good things about / want to try:

-colorgram -judydoll -flortte -amuse -clio -peripera -into you

ok sorry this is so long but um. lmk if you have any further questions but my arms hurt so im gonna stop typing now. MWAH love you

#skincare #ask #anon

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swearingcactus · 3 months

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Inspired by @mail-me-a-snail's silvervance playlist, i wanted to yell about lil v's playlist!

yelling about most of these songs continue below

First up we have: Sleeping On The Ceiling - Friday Pilots Club

there's a lot of lines from this song that fits really well with lil V's outlook, his manic energy, his willingness to crash and burn and his tendency to cut people off for it. he's even trying to convince others it's better to just leave him to his own devices ("Don't you feel just like you're floating now? When you cut me off and let me go.") it's an effort to feel okay about his situation that works 90% of the time. the song's also insanely short, like his lifespan!

Steal from the Rich, Give to Myself - Simon Viklund // Destruction - Joywave

Lil V's a merc and he doesn't mind all the blood on his hands or his career choice in general. He does, however, mind it when people try to guilt him about it and say he could 'be better'. Takemura, Hellman and Arasaka's attempts of trying to steer him--be it to give his life up to restore some so-called honor or to give his head full of data up for so-called science-- were met with his knee-jerk reaction of 'FUCK CORPOS!' so naturally by the end when he realized Hanako can't do jackshit for him either, he's pretty down with torching Arasaka Tower. Then again, this might be because he's already influenced by Johnny which brings us to the next section:

Chippin' In - SAMURAI, Refused // Red Right Hand - Arctic Monkeys // Sigh on a Hurricane - HIMALAYAS // Brianstorm - Arctic Monkeys

There was a point where Lil V's not sure about what Johnny's trying to do, what to think of him (ghost? man? terrorist? friend? enemy??). there's the obvious instinctual fear that Johnny's just puppeteering him from the inside out. Eventually Lil V decides that even if Johnny is influencing him to do stuff it doesn't count as Johnny manipulating him if he agreed to it. Johnny might be a storm but V's the sigh on a hurricane etc etc. Chippin' In is there cus out of all the SAMURAI songs we get to listen to, that's Lil V's favorite.

Used to be My Girl - TLSP

this, to me, is THE song to describe Johnny and V. Two way mirror, one-way street? Good cop, bad cop routine? Johnny being a liar and a leech, V who cheated death and is a thief? Alt mentioning that for all of Johnny's bark, he's just code as an engram and therefore 'nothing underneath'? The way if you do dont fear the reaper, V gives up his chances at love and does a spite-fueled-solo attack that Johnny wholeheartedly endorse?? The way both of them are dead already? woowee!

Mr. Sunshine - Ynxgxr1 // mr. sunshine - Arden Jones

inside you are two wolves moment. sometimes being everyone's ray of sunshine doesn't work out for lil v. "All jokes til' I start feeling like the punchline." is the key line here (and also in his personality in general)

Cha Cha Cha (Electronic Metal Remix) - Elxctro Drxgon, Käärijä

i made this playlist around the same time this song was makin the rounds. I liked the whole fast-paced sort of edgy facade fading away on the bridge for a bit when the 'narrator' starts getting drunk and becomes himself, which I think is a lot like how after his first death by Dexter DeShawn, Lil V was much more comfortable in his own skin. Also, metal remix version cus I think it fits his vibes more than the original one. Lil V's a pop-punk sort of guy!

Miracle Aligner - TLSP // Dangerous - Big Data, Joywave

i call this part 'Little V is inherently kind and gets a little scared of being loved, but doubles down and loves people harder about it'. Johnny is his best victim, considering even in canon Johnny's said how he's surprised with how V's stuck with him for 24/7 and he's still a friend.

Baby Boy - Mother Mother // Johnny - American Murder Song // Pumped Up Kicks - Foster The People

this part is more Johnny than lil V, but it does work as how lil V views him. sure ol' Robert John's got some issues, but wouldn't you be upset too if you died angry and alone, and nobody even bothered to dig a grave for you? lil V genuinely thinks Johnny's fun to be around with, just got to power through his cigs and his shittalking is all. it's why he lets johnny get away with A Lot.

Rome Falls - Panicland // All I Have is My Smile - LIL DUSTY G

by the end of their run, lil v has accepted that he'd be dead trying to do the solo raid and he's made peace with it which makes the next part a big Yikes

A Kiss - THE DRIVER ERA // The Edge - Panicland

he dug himself a too perfect of a grave with Johnny, one that he can't use once he climbed out of Mikoshi alone. and nobody gets why he's upset that he didn't get his ending that night because isn't it great that you're alive, V? that Johnny's gone now? that you have a second chance again? eventually he just cuts his ties and distances himself, basically surviving for the sake of it while hoping he'll actually find a better lead that changes his mind

This Must Be the Place - Talking Heads

lil v at his core's just a streetkid desperate for a home, one that he keeps finding and losing in certain intervals. i like to think that even though he doesn't survive for very long after Mikoshi, he'll find something that change his mind and he finds his way back home in the end :)

There's a couple songs i didn't put in this essay, mainly there on the playlist for the cyberpunk-ish lyric vibes or because they were part of the OST that i imagine lil v actually listens to on the radio. (or also cus i made a fic/edit with them in mind) In Cold Blood's opening with binary for example, feels very cyberpunk-y so i stuck it in. other songs like Jealous Guy is put in as a SilverV-ish song cus even though Johnny and lil V aren't romantic, Johnny still hates sharing. but anw ive rambled enough so woe. OC LORE ESSAY BE UPON YE.

#this took forever to draft and post adldsf #lil guy v #woe lore be upon ye #if you wanna ask about the other songs i didnt put in i would Gladly Yell Again #'why is all i have is my smile in every single playlist you have' dont worry bout it

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rocksandboulders · 3 months

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hey guys :) are you looking for more ways to manifest in your life and/or do you not have time to set aside for manifestations? even if you are not spiritual, these are great ways to build a healthier headspace for yourself.

my BIGGEST tip, which i use on a daily basis, is to turn your everyday tasks into a ritual. here are some examples to use or to find inspiration from:

1- CLEANING RITUALS (showering, bathing, brushing teeth, brushing hair, sweeping, dishes, etc.)

firstly, this is one of the easiest to come up with, and it makes large strides towards positivity, especially when it's something you dread doing. rather than thinking about how badly you want to be done with x task, take a breath and think about how you are doing x thing for y outcome. this can be something as simple as cleansing the space, both physically and energetically, but you can also get more complex with it if there's something with more steps irking you.

when i shower, for example, i use shampoo, conditioner, face wash, and body wash, and i use each item twice. this gets really tedious sometimes, but if i give a reason for why i am doing each thing, talking myself through the process, it slows my brain down, grounds me, and leaves me feeling much more fulfilled by the end. (ex: "i am washing my face to rid myself of any masks i put on that i dont wish to keep." "i am washing my hands to wash off any unsteadiness." "i am washing my chest to relieve my heart of stress.")

if you're interested in my very intricate shower routine, im absolutely happy to give a full outline of products, the intentions i use, the order in which i use them, etc.

2- FOOD AND BEVERAGE (herbs, teas, instant meals, restaurant meals, coffee, etc)

by preparing, ordering, or even grocery shopping, you create many, many different opportunities in which to manifest. in my personal life, i find it easiest to do when i prepare food or drinks for myself.

this can be something as simple as a singular ingredient, and as complicated as every ingredient and technique used! i think, most often, i use this when i make myself tea, because i can just think to myself a singular intention for the cup. "this tea is being made to comfort me." "this tea will slow down my racing thoughts." "this tea will make me sleep easier." etc.

i also like to ask my friends what they would like their intentions to be when i make them food or drinks. you can also set intentions if youre reheating something, re-seasoning something, or even just changing the plate or bowl it's served with.

3-ACTIVITIES (classes, friends, arts and crafts, music, sports, etc)

this is one that i think i overlook a lot, but im trying to make more space to manifest with in my life now. when in regards to activities, i personally spend a lot of time dreading the fact that i have to do anything (bc i would so love to just sit in my bed all day) (and im sure most of us would love that as well), but letting ourselves look at our opportunities negatively in the ways we do means that we push negative energy onto our experiences before they even happen. i, for one, have had my most fulfilling experiences when i have gone in with an intention of what it is for.

this does NOT mean the intention stays the same, or even stays at all. flexibility is key.

but i digress. if you friends are having a beach day and you spend the time leading up to it just dreading that it's going to happen, it's not going to go as well for you compared to if you spent your time being excited and happy. the flexibility comes in when your beach day is suddenly rained out. if youve been a party pooper, youre going to continue to complain, but if youve been optimistic and positive, youre going to work to find an alternative that is just as, if not even more fun.

this is also important in keeping you moving in classes. ("today i learn x." "i am going to x class because y." "my goal for today is to stay fully focused.")

CONCLUSION

this is so fun to me and if anyone wants to talk about it MESSAGE ME this is SO INTERESTING and i have SO MUCH MORE IWANT TO SAY

#manifesting #witchcraft #witches #witchblr #intention

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transdib · 4 months

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i feel like this year has been a huge bust mentally

i didnt wanna be like this still by christmas, let alone the new year

i dont want it to become march and im still like this, a whole year since moving by then.

but i can feel myself improving, funny enough.

ive spent a lot of this time in despair and grief, and i was giving myself a time limit on those feelings. which made me unable to meet my own expectations, which made me recede and become unable to challenge myself, because i wsa constantly setting myself up for failure to begin with. it feels impossible to do a challenge youre already failing before you begin.

and i have been self aware this whole time too, having that logical part of me talk me through it all. i can look back at myself almost in a third person, as ive always done, and see all the connections as to why im feeling and therefore behaving this way.

so instead of sitting around punishing myself, ive been /trying/ to tell myself theres no time limit on adjustment, and that i am strong enough to pull through. even if i come out of this being disliked. ive put so much energy into being anxious about what people think of me, that ive caused my own cycle of not being able to face it.

i have been acutely aware this whole time that others can only do so much for me, and in the end the only person who can change my situation is me. for me to find that inner strength to do that.

i feel like a lot of the noise has quietened down now. because i had to suddenly grapple with not only accepting my old life was changing, but that i had to suddenly build up a brand new life from scratch with very little support. but the life building in england is finally feeling...like i can do it. things feel less confusing and daunting, the roads feel less scary to navigate, i know where to go for what i need now, and ive been falling into daily routines again. which i didnt have when i first arrived. it's like my roots are finally burying in. and thats making incorporating my aussie roots back into my life feel a bit more doable.

i WANT to have voice chats with friends, or have a casual hello. i dont want to be like this. having a twisted tummy and palpitating heart every time i see a new notification on my phone. i havent even cleared my notif bar on my phone for months, out of fear of seeing a message i havent checked from so long ago. there is so much literal and mental clutter. and i want to be free of all of these notifs and emails etc. its not anyones fault but mine. i WANT to be more engaged, i feel homesick and miss everyone. and i HATE that those feelings dominate my behaviour, and how EASY it is to fall into a self fulfilling prophecy. i hate how it makes me a neglectful friend and family member.

but, with therapy, and settling into my life here. i think i can slowly work my way up to getting over all of this. i really. really. REALLY. fucking want to. i want to draw again, i want to learn how to sculpt, i want to be involved in peoples lives again. because right now, im finding it hard to even humour the idea of making friends here in the uk, because of how guilty that would make me feel, and how not ready i am to make new connections, especially cuz i would rather reinforce connection with existing people in my life.

again. self fulfilling. all that does is make me continue to be lonely.

but as i said, it's slowly getting better. i feel bad about how negative ive been all this time. i just want people to know that, in regards to my relationship, i AM happy. and i know that 10 years from now im going to look back on all of this with evren and go "fuck man that was a lot huh"

you cant hate yourself into loving yourself, and thats something that has kept my spark going, even when it's been one bad thought away from fizzling out.

im trying to be easier on myself. i know that all of this can exist at the same time as me having negative effects on others (which i guess is just an assumption to begin with) and i am not immune to causing that damage. but honestly? right now in this moment, im trying to give myself some compassion and lenience. because ive spent years and years feeling anxious and being hyper vigilant about my behaviour and how i affect others, that i have barely taken the time to consider myself and be healthy and strong in my core self. as they say, assume the best unless told otherwise. thats going to be a goal of mine. i always assume good intentions from people, even to a detriment, so i hope to take that view and shape it into a healthier outlook. maybe not everyone has their best intentions or insight, but i think overall people are just trying. god, in this goddamn fucked up world, all we can do is try.

and thats why i need to be more lenient.

sorry for all the tangents and sloppy execution. im probably in the acceptance stage of grief atm lmao, and im tired of being like this.

#life of doge #negative but also positive idk

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tonberry-yoda · 1 year

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Heyo! Hope you're having a great day! Tysm for opening your match-ups! Anyway here's mine(Romantic please):

I'm a straight woman that uses she/her pronouns, I'd like to be matched up with the MHA fandom! (Excluding all of the villans, Endeavor, All Might and Mineta please!)

I'm a pretty energetic type of person when I have a good night's rest 😅 Especially if I get a good breakfast, I'll be running around a bunch. I consider myself confident and extroverted, mashallah. But on the flip side, staying up at night has a huuuge effect on my personality. I become very tired, grumpy and I start hating people💀💀.

I like to be as straightforward as I can, because what's the point in softening the truth when we could be struck by reality any second? Being truthfull is a very important thing to me, since it is one of the things that helps me pick my close ones!

My favorite past time is video games!! I absolutely love them!!! Especially Genshin Impact, Overwatch, and The Escapists 2.

I love staying up playing, I know I shouldn't buuutt.....Who cares am I right?🤨💀

It's very important that there is balance in any relationships I have, I absolutely hate it when a relationship is one sided. Either we both contribute or we just don't have a relationship. Contributing can be doing things like work to help us, cleaning around the house, making dinner, being nice and respectful to relatives, etc...

I like a guy who is able to match my type of energy, a guy who can stay up and binge watch/play games but at the same time have a stable job. For the guy to be tall or short isn't of any concern, but not shorter than 150 cm...

Some people find this odd, but I don't listen to music. I find it pretty distracting and a temporary solution to boredom. My love language is a mix of Word of Affirmation and Quality Time!

Tysm for reading all of this, and have a great day/night to you and all that read this!❤️‍🔥

omg hi!!!! i am so so so so glad i can do a matchup for you!!! i have the absolute perfect man, so let's get right to it shall we???

the character I chose for you is...

PRESENT MIC!!!

not only because you simp for him but think about it

you want a man to match your energy, well here you go! this man is nothing but energy HOWEVER when he's not working he's usually exhausted, but still able to have that high energy with you

when you're staying up late playing videogames, expect him to be asleep on your lap

stable job you say??? well this man has 3 LMFAOOOO and he still manages to have time to give you all the love you need

you both have a run around morning routine and it's super cute because one of you are bound to forget something, so the other has to run up to them and give it back, placing a little goodbye kiss on the other's nose

he will cuddle you so it's easier for you to fall asleep so you arent grumpy the next day lmao

teach him how to play videogames and then realize it's a bad idea because he gets REALLY GOOD

like one minute your absolutely knocking him out and the next, you lose. that one's on you lmao

he is such a nice and respectful guy, it's adorable

your family loves him

when you have to work late and he finally has a day off expect to come home to a nice clean house and food on the table

he will spoil you with how he treats you: kisses, cuddles, gifts every now and then, a clean house, food, etc.

and when you do the same, he will love you forever

he loves a two sided relationship just as much as you

HE IS SO OFFENDED THAT YOU DONT LISTEN TO MUSIC

like he understands why, but he will get you to try to love it

and because of that, you actually like music a little more (only if he's the one who made it lmaoooo)

he will take you on the most fun dates. like totally random places: bowling, amusement parks, arcades, etc. they're cheesy, but fun

this man will tell you every day how much he loves you

the voice hero is not lacking of those words of affirmation, so expect a lot of it

he is full of unconditional love and that makes you appreciate him so much

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

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lucy-fake · 9 months

Text

thoughts on LSD

tw mental health and discussion of drugs

i have a tendency to fall back into habit. when im the one holding the reins for my life, it's so much easier to just do the same things everyday rather than to perpetually be planning out new things to do. this is problematic for a few reasons. for one, at the end of my life i don't want to look back and realize it was all a monotonous blur. but also, while my autism values having a daily routine, my adhd hates it. if i do the same thing everyday i eventually get bored and cannot bring myself to keep up with it. these two fight a war with each other, and the end result of that war is that i usually end up doing nothing at all.

every time i try to get into a healthy routine i slowly strip away all the little steps in it, one by one. one day i dont want to get up early, because im so fucking tired of getting up early, so i sleep in that day, and then one day becomes two, and then getting up at a set time is no longer part of my routine. i don't have time to take a walk one day, because i slept in late, so i stop doing it for one day, and then one day becomes two, and then taking a walk is no longer part of my routine. this also happens with brushing my teeth, eating a proper breakfast, taking a shower, doing my remote work, etc (i still do these things but irregularly). soon it collapses and all that's left is, i wake up at whatever time i wake up, and then i get on the computer, and when i get too tired to stay awake i go to bed. i eat when i cant go any longer without eating and i shower when i cant go any longer without showering, but those are more hindrances that get in the way of wasting time on the computer. i recognize this pattern but it's difficult to stop it, because it requires no energy to continue wasting time on the computer, and doing anything other than wasting time on the computer would be a devation from the routine i've now settled into. what a mess - even writing this right now is more than i usually do.

when i say wasting time on the computer i do mean wasting time. scrolling social media, chatting on discord, and sometimes watching youtube videos, but rarely anything else. there are lots of productive things i could use a computer for - i could do my work, i could look for other jobs, i could make videos, i could make mashups, i could write stories or scripts, i could learn the new skills i've been wanting to gain. but i don't. i could even do things not typically thought of as productive like watching tv shows and movies i've been meaning to, playing games i've been meaning to, listening to music i've been meaning to, but i'm usually not doing those either. those require commitment, and that commitment to doing something other than nothing doesn't vibe with the routine i've fallen into. besides, if i started a big project and it took longer than a few days to complete, i'd probably get tired of doing that too.

this all makes it out to sound like i'm depressed, and i'm not going to dismiss that as a factor - i have been depressed at points. but while my tone in describing this rut isn't particularly excited for obvious reasons, i'm really feeling fine at the moment. i had the motivation to write all this, didn't i? i think ultimately tho, when you've been alive for long enough to be an adult, it can just become more difficult to find novelty in the same things you've seen everyday for your entire life. there's a massive beautiful world outside but it's a constant unchanging presence so i eventually learn to tune it out. having community helps, but my irl friends are too far away to hang out with more than once a week at most, and all it takes is a few days of not messaging them for it to turn into months of not messaging them. and because this is my own life, i don't have anyone in charge of me who can make sure i do the things that will make me feel better.

…..at this point, if you're still reading, you might be wondering why this post is titled "thoughts on LSD". let's get to that now!! LSD and psychedelics in general are characterized in pop culture mainly as causing you lose touch with reality and get lost in a world of trippy kaleidoscopic hallucinations. that is something that they can do, if you take particularly high doses, and maybe some people take them just for that. but the visuals have always been the most boring aspect of them for me. i'm more interested in the less literal way that they can change how i see things.

i'm writing primarily about acid because while i think mushrooms are great too, i haven't taken a full dose of them in a while, typically just smaller doses while out dancing with friends (which can also do positive things for my mental health, but that's another story). what i like about acid is that it strips away all those feelings of habit. it makes everything seem new to me again. sure, it makes stuff look kinda Weird too, but to me there's a greater sense of appreciating things for what they actually are. there are so many little details to everything you've been conditioned to stop taking notice of. the cracked paint in my room is beautiful, the rustling of trees outside is beautiful, the whole earth is beautiful - this is all still true without the acid, but when i've fallen back into habit, i can forget to pay enough attention to notice it.

on acid those feelings of "i can't do _ because i never do that" are gone too. i'd been meaning to put up the posters in my room for ages but was always paralyzed thinking about how to start it. on acid, i want to put the posters up, so i take them out and start putting them up!! i want to clean my room, so i just get up and start cleaning - it's kinda fun, even!! i want to try out my camera at the park, so i grab my camera and take a walk there and take so many pictures because everything around me is so beautiful !! i don't come up with reasons for why i can't do these things, i just think "why don't i just do it?" and then i do it. and when i think that, i'm right - there's no real reason why i can't do any of these things normally. i just forget that sometimes when i get out of the habit of doing them.

this next bit is something that truly stunned me!! i've been on-and-off practicing my voice training for years and made some amount of progress but never fully got the hang of it. i understood what i needed to be doing to get it to sound better, but it was difficult to actually do it because it's such a departure from the way i've spoken for my entire life. one time on acid though, i forgot the habit of how i usually talk. i was feeling a lot of gender euphoria, and i felt feminine in my head, so i just went to talk and…. it was a perfect feminine voice. the one i had never been able to do. all of a sudden it was coming almost completely effortlessly because i had a chance to start from zero. NOW GRANTED, though i was doing the voice great for the rest of that day and in the next few days while i was in the afterglow from it, that ease did eventually wear off. since then i've been back to on-and-off struggling with being able to get it into the right place. but i'm definitely better off with my voice than i was before, and just the fact that that happened at all renewed my hope for voice training and gave me the push to keep at it.

i mentioned the afterglow in that last paragraph. i'm lucky enough to have not had a bad trip yet, partly because i take set and setting seriously and partly because i've never had a desire to push the dosage too high. so if all goes well during the trip i usually continue to feel good after the lsd wears off - most noticeably for the rest of the same day, but more subtly i'll be feeling rejuvenated for at least a few days afterward and have an easier time bypassing my usual mental blocks. one time i was even feeling wonderful and at peace for weeks after i took it!! but sometimes the next day is just a regular old monday. the afterglow isn't something to bet on, and if you take it often it'll probably begin to feel less and less magical. physically there's not much risk associated with taking acid too often, you can't overdose on it or anything, but liiiiikeee it just generally isn't great to become dependent on a substance to feel normal. plus the fact that it costs money.

in case it needed to be said, acid is not a cure-all!! as my weird transphobic plug once said, you can have the most profound revelations on psychedelics and it won't make a difference if you don't continue to work on yourself when you're sober. that's something i'm still struggling with of course, but i try to keep it in mind. and also this whole post was mainly focused on mental health since that's what's been on my mind recently, but i need to say it - psychedelics are fun!! it's fun to dance on them and watch movies and stuff on them (be careful with what u watch tho) and while you're on them it can just feel like everything is fun!! like, they are recreational drugs, i'm def not in denial about that. but people are already aware of that, and at least for me, they can be really helpful too.

the last thing i want to say is. while i usually try to avoid looking into the mirror on acid (a good rule of thumb, certainly don't try it if u dont know what ur doing), there was one time where i wanted to face myself and i did it. i was looking at my reflection, and at first i thought i looked nice, and my face started to morph to look prettier in response to that. but then the self doubt and dysphoria came in, and my reflection started to look weirder and more masculine. and as i was standing there i asked myself an honest question - "Yes or no, do you believe it that you're a girl?". i thought about it. and the answer was yes. then i asked myself another question - "In spite of all your flaws, do you love yourself?". i thought some more, and the answer was also yes. and in that moment, not only did my reflection become easier to look at, but i felt so much joy and relief. and while i still doubt myself from time to time, when it happens i try to just think back to that and remember. i am a girl, and i love myself.

soooo why am i writing this? um. i dunno!! i wanted to get my thoughts out, share my experiences, thought maybe at least one other person would find it helpful (sorry if you didn't!). tho i do want to make clear that these are just my experiences. if reading this makes anyone want to try lsd, please dont just rush into it with no further research. i've had great experiences on it, but some people have absolutely terrible experiences on it. even if you don't have a bad trip some people just might experience the drug completely differently than i do and wonder what the hell i'm talking about. it depends on so many personal factors. if you want to learn more, here is a good place to start:

#ramble

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creativebrainrot · 5 months

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I dont think i have many insecurities. Not much of my own experience with myself or like any of my own traits, are things im ashamed of or feel disdain for or any negative emotion about honestly.

but the one thing that i havent gotten past yet is my insecurity about my issues with communication.

i grew up with good faith treatment being a "treat" some kind of fucking theoretical "reward" never to actually be earned. i felt like i wasnt allowed to fuck up ever at all when speaking. and that didnt come from nowhere if there was any even slight discrepancy in my sentences or sentiments themselves even, i would get interrogated for it. normal simple sentences. my abuser could find a way to make me feel awful for saying i didnt like a food yesterday that today i asked to eat. you know. his child. children, who are routinely indecisive. anyway. i grew up with every fucking conversation being a minefield. we had regular conversations maybe once or twice every other month.

i identify or selfdiagnose with the labels for autism and dyslexia because their symptoms match my experience of my life and im american so good fucking luck affording a diagnosis if you even want one.

I am disabled when it comes to talking. I have times where I go nonverbal. Sometimes I cant think of anything to say. Sometimes i just cant make myself say what i have thought of, it takes too much energy/spoons. I've always been like this. I sometimes fuck a sentence up so bad that the version that comes out of my mouth sounds more like an insult than the compliment i meant to say. I lose my own train of thought, i cant spell with ease, I get distracted from my original points in my infodumping, I will say a word I just read while talking instead of the actual planned next word, i'll think a word but skip typing it, i will sort of speak "in reverse order" saying the end of the sentence then going back to the beginning. i will forget to give full context. i will say a sentence with naked intent not a single undertone or insinuation to be found i meant EXACTLY what i just said. sometimes paired with the last one it will be a turn of phrase that doesnt work and i realize in hindsight Aw Fuck the sentence probably sounded like this other intent didnt it. etc etc. it happens over text as well. I need vocal intonation to know whats up better. i cant read tone over text well. when im low energy i speak more deadpan than usual.

and since i didnt grow up with any benefit of the doubt, since i grew up with someone who would pick One Single Thing and make it my whole personality in his dumbfuck fantasy of what our lives were like, ive ended up insecure that at some point the good faith will run out. ill "do words bad" too many times and friends will "give up on me"

It got buried so deep in my head. everytime i fucked up my abusive cunt father would act like i MEANT the fucked up version. hed also pretend to misunderstand me CONSTANTLY like he wasnt actually confused but hed try to fuck with me by gaslighting me GENUINELY gaslighting me by acting like he couldnt understand what i meant when i said something because i phrased it MILDLY ATYPICALLY. he was never that stupid. The insecurity that i am operating on borrowed time with other people no matter what because of how difficult communication through text and verbal words are is so loud still and i really hate it.

But. I'm an adult now. If someone would rather be a dickhead to me about something that i genuinely cannot control, am insecure about, and try to correct mistakes caused by said disability the exact second after the mistake happens, I can tell them to fuck off.

Beauty of adulthood; no fucking ableist nonsense in my friend groups.

#rotthoughts #open journal

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doxiedreg · 9 months

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Ask game: 2, 7, 22? :]

2. what's your favorite thing about your style I absolutely love the way I render things and how colorful and vibrant my art is! And! How I try to make the background a real environment for the character featured in it, even if abstract. I know that's 3 things but I think i deserve a lil confidence boost for myself 7. show us a WIP

god I have so many abandoned art pieces and also just concept sketches to visualise ideas. I'll throw in a few here, this is a question that can be asked multiple times

old thorn sketches im still very fond off, especially that big headshot

attempt number 300 to create a behemoth form for thorn that im satisfied with, i dont know why it's so fucking hard. I am not 100 percent happy with this one either. I just want him to feel unique, massive and heavy with some bull and big cat influence. I also want to include tusks since in mythology the behemoth is often elephant like

Vampire demon lord Thorn AU because i love putting my favorite boy in different constumes. again not satisfied with this design. Also haven't rped it in a while so my muse for it is gone at the moment but maybe it will come back some day. This thorn is so fucking angsty and bitter you have no idea. Has so many huge walls around his heart If you want to see more wips/unfinished graveyard pieces you guys will just have to send ask number 7 again 22. what inspires you? In my childhood, the dragonology books were a huge passion and creative influence for me. Especially the illustrations by douglas carrel. Another book illustrator that i was kinda obsessed with was chriss riddell, just love how detailed their illustrations are Ghibli studio's style I always love. Just watching their movies is such a treat, I always feel so full of inspiration. As for current inspirations? Honestly the artists I follow and the music i listen to. I always draw the best art when my spotify shuffle liked songs playlist has just the right flow and it fuels me! And when I see other artists share info on their characters or glimpses into their oc projects it makes me want to work on my characters!! And when my fav artists upload an art piece with such good shapes and colors and compositions?? Augh it makes me want to draw. Oh an animatics! I love watching animatics! Especially for musicals they are so fucking good and so many talented artists it fills me with joy. just gives me straight up shivers!! Another thing that fuels me is the reactions of you guys and my friends! I want to share my characters and art and use them to engage with people. Get them interested in my world, inspire them, just engage with the community, get talking! So yeah art is very important to me haha. Normally I get really mad when im in a dryspell like this but seeing how i drew 18 art pieces last month im cutting myself some slack haha, i deserve some rest after that, especially since my routine and energy levels are extremely wack right now, i need to recover. Heck that turned out way longer and more passionate than i expected, I hope you didnt mind the ramble! Feel free to send more questions owo

#ardate #answered ask

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luciusspriggss · 1 year

Text

i am writing this because i lit dont feel comfortable with talking to anyone with what is going on with me right now, so this is just a vent post to get off my chest

I just wrote like 10 paragraphs detailing the last year with, and ultimate reasons why my ex, Jes, and I broke up two days ago. It was a lot. Nobody needs to hear that shit. Yeah, Jes was awful to me, (unintentionally) gaslit me for a year (it wasn't their fault), neglected me, was mean to me while they were drunk, and overall a shitty selfish person for the past couple months, but I get it. I know why. Doesnt excuse their behavior. I told them what they were doing and who they were becoming so it wouldn't happen again. I just, don't want to deal with that right now.

We have grown since getting together 3 1/2 years ago. Jes is now able to trust people, process their emotions, and be there for people (except for me lol). Jes has finally discovered who they are, what they want, and how they want to continue growing. We still love each other, but neither of us are the people we fell in love with.

I am unmasking and realizing just how much I mask and put other peoples needs above mine. I still want to be a good person and do good. I am realizing though that I keep ending up in relationships (romantic, platonic, whatever) where people get mad at me for things I can't control. I am willing to do things I am uncomfortable with, given I have enough time to mentally prepare. But I also deserve to have someone who wants to do things I want to do too.

I like staying at home. I like doing my own thing. I like to binge watch tv/movies/media, read, create, relax, and have a routine. I also like to occasionally go out to the woods to make sure I can still properly identify trees, go to bookstores, craft stores, go out to fuck off no where and try to identify as many flowers as I can using my Jepson, and if able (which i am not right now) do yardwork. I love cutting logs with an axe and then splitting the wood for firewood/kindling. I love creating/rehabilitating existing trails. I love weed-eating. I love ensuring a property is wildfire safe by making proper buffers and removing ladder fuels. I don't need someone to do all those things with me (I actually kind of prefer to do yard work alone but am open to help), but it would be nice to meet someone who is down to do SOMETHING with me that I enjoy.

I need to figure out what I want and allow myself to do those things without caring what people think of me. The only place I am truly myself is on Tumblr, and that makes me very sad. I mean, I am happy for tumblr. I hate that I chose to focus on a relationship instead of doing something that actually makes me feel better.

I'm so happy now that there is no pressure me to do things that are an actual nightmare for me (like going out to bars all the time). I felt so frustrated because I would TRY. I put so much energy into being able to not have a meltdown, and tried my best to be as social as I could, and it wasn't enough. When I would try to do what I wanted to do in a bar (sit in a corner and people watch or play pool) I would still get told that I make them "uncomfortable" because they know "I don't actually want to be there". I am trying 😭. It was a no-win for me. I stay home and I am "unsocial and not doing the things they want to do". I do go and try to have fun and am told "you dont really want to be here. you arent social enough. i am uncomfortable when I am around you. I don't want to have to worry if you are okay or not when I am not around you". ))))): I don't understand. The worst is when I am told "you were more fun when you would get drunk before". I was EXACTLY the same way, they just couldn't read me before. I was quiet then and I am quiet now (unless a fun interesting conversation comes up I feel I can take part of). They even agreed to let me leave if I started getting over stimulated. If Jes and my roommate were having a party or bbq, I was told that I could go to my room when my battery was out. They told me they were happy I was trying to hang out with them. And then later get mad at me for not being social enough.

Okay this is turning into a rant, I'm sorry. Point is, I want to be with someone who actually is okay with me being the person I am. Stop trying to change me all the time. I need to figure out how to put my foot down and ensure my needs and desires are not neglected (i suppose i sort of did when Jes and I broke up).

I LIKE believing in more fantastical things, having a positive outlook, seeing the good in people, having fun, being the person I actually am. I'm tired of people giving me "reality checks". If I want to learn about werewolves, vampires, and pirates, let me! It's fun! Stop telling me it is all bullshit and there is no point in trying to learn about it 😭. I love the idea that people can find true love with others (any kind of love for any kind of relationship) and people constantly keep telling me there is no point, people are people, "true love" doesnt exist. I think it exists! Stop making me feel bad because we don't see things the same way. I don't care if others view something differently from me! Life is joyous and I want to know how other people think and function. I think it is fascinating. There is nothing wrong with me seeing the world the way I do ):

It is going to be tough mourning the relationship, that was the most healthy relationship I have ever had, but I am excited and hopeful. I get to find out who I truly am now. Unmasked. I am grateful for that. And I am talking to my therapist later today so I get to do some serious processing and reflecting (:

Life is good (I mean it is god awful, i hate myself and i am struggling in almost every aspect of my life). But it IS good. I WILL be okay.

#😤

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safieblue · 2 years

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Hello! I am someone with ADHD that is interested in spirituality - Wicca, Paganism, the works. I specify ADHD because due to it, I have extreme struggle in committing to anything, or even getting the motivation for it as much as I want to. Is there any advice to be given? Or small habits that may be easier to try and incorporate? Thank you

Hello love ❤

Firstly I want to tell you that all conditions we have and therefore its limitations are not permanent contrarily to what most western medicine affirms. Therefore this means that you can change it. By affirming and repeatedly say to yourself " I am cured of my ADHD.", "I am free from ADHD.", "I dont struggle with ADHD anymore." and all more that you can think of that emphasises the general idea of being free from diseases works. You have the power to heal ADHD! Its not impossible, much on the contrary. It is a self discovery and healing journey, in which you start to be pinpointed and gain downloads and insights on how to do it. Trust! It is like working on yourself, stopping to feed limiting beliefs - as ADHD can be one.

So, in regards to your question and while you still struggle with it. Not only people with ADHD struggle with commitment and motivation, we all do, including myself. But in specific towards ADHD, I feel that the things that you like give you a rush in dopamine and being that ADHD brains have low levels of dopamine when you start to focus you have it easier with activities of low dopamine levels. I feel like for you what could be helpful is the environment that you are in when you dedicate time to studying your craft and structure. Set up your environment in a cozy manner with low lights and fluffy stuff, it can be on a bed, desk or floor with a carpet, blankets or a puff. You can use even candles and even have like a teddy bear to hug from time to time. The colors around you are also important: light colours, white, beige, low light, warm. All that can have a soothing, cozy, low stress, nurturing effect. I feel also that structure, planning and organisation can help you, in a realistic manner. Like structure the amount of time you give to your craft - make like a school schedule, the sources (list them, save them as your favourites in your pc, choose and list your books, organise your accounts,....), organise your materials, what you use for writing. And even on energetic levels organise, structure your intention and energy. And see that all of the commitment you give to organising that can be the most used time are only going to benefit you in the long run as it is easier to follow. In the end, create your own space, your own portal, your own bubble.

For the commitment - envision your end result and you can even journal the whys of how much you want it. See the in between, the hows you are getting as external of you means to get what you want. Though dont forget, see your bodily and brain needs, respect it, dont go against what it is that is telling you - our bodies are smart.

For the motivation - associate certain things of your practice with things of high dopamine levels, may it be music, movement (even yoga actually), dance, graphics of publications, social interactions with other members of the community. Things that by repetition make your brain associate your practice with high dopamine levels.

For the small habits I think you really benefit of structure. Like use your journal or a well designed piece of paper and make your pleasant ideal routine including the practices you like. And change it (to give new meanings, new motivation to it) to whatever whenever you like.

Remember this is a journey, be gentle and patient with yourself.

I would love to hear your feedback 💕

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imeverywoman420 · 2 years

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all that stuff the anon was talking about sounds so fucking exhausting i can barely keep my head above water and all i do is work, cook the food i want to cook, try to stay on top of my chores, and the onlny hobby i have any energy for at the end of all that is lying on the beach and listening to the waves so i dont have to think.

Honestly i love being a neet and think its better for my mental health i know i wont be able to be a neet forever so im trying to make the most of it right now

But when im working and like. Trying to be “that girl” its like. I get burnt out within a month. I lose my ability to think and be creative. I lose myself. Like really truly i cannot do all that shit i hate routine like that ! I need 4-5 hours a day to chill and gather my thoughts and journal/!Blog or do something like walk around my room listening to music.

Like i willllllll start experiencing MAJOR SYMPTOMSSSSS if i cant chill. Its either i can be super productive like That Girl because im smoking a metric fuck ton of weed. Or im try g to conserve weed but that means i have to Chill 3c as hard.

#ask

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ed-recovery-affirmations · 2 years

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Thank you for replying to my ask and having this blog! I didn't want to tell any detail about my ed I thought that would be very triggering for some people cause it's about losing and gaining weight and dieting so trigger warning!!

But I guess I have always had since high school disturbed body image because diet culture starts affecting you very early on.

In college when I have had depressive episodes one way to cope was restricting my eating and then when I lost the weight I gained when depressed I started to feel better and it was like this yo-yo ish many years.

But oh god last year I had so many things that caused me stress I was living in a survival mode the whole 2021 and maybe still am, and idk why I gained weight guickly maybe it was many things combined. Then when things were bad my bf left me and my friends didn't help me and I was left kinda alone and the only way to cope again was thinking of losing weight. So this is such a classic but my ed was the symptom of my hard life situation and way to cope with the anxiety and stress.

But restricting my eating didnt 'work 'like it used to in the past, I havent been able to lose the gained weight and so my energy and time is still focused on losing that weight even now when im my life situation has improved a bit.

I have talk about my issues with doctors and I feel they haven't been taking my symptoms seriously or have focused just on my depression and anxiety (which are caused by ed so this is a fun cycle). Yesterday I talked to a nutritionist for the first time since applying help and she just said what I already know that even tho ed is a mental health problem the only way to cure is by eating. And that I should stop thinking about losing weight cause that only worsens everything (yeah no shit). And that she can't help me cope with the anxiety it's the other healthcare system that should (have) do(ne) that.

The thing is I have triedddd so much this whole time to take care of my eating but if I had succeeded I wouldn't be having any problems with it still u know?

It's kinda ironic how much I know about ed without being able to do anything. First I need to fix my nutritional status I think that's where everyone starts. And after that maybe intuition eating. I need to learn dbt skill to cope with anxiety and depression. And stop stressing about everything everywhere qll the time. Buying new clothes that fit so looking at my too small clothes wouldn't be so triggering. I need to learn self compassion and find a therapist but they are in high demand so that's really hard. I need to find things that I like about myself and repeat those. But everytime when I fail at trying to fix my daily routine and fix my eating routine I think of it as a setback and its a cycle very hard to get off (I need to wake up early to eat breakfast and lunch early so I wouldn't be so hungry at evening and night cause then I can't sleep properly and then I sleep in and then I eat late and then im hungry at evening and night cause I don't wanna eat too much in the evening and then I sleep in cause my blood sugar is so low from not eating enough in the evening does this make any sense at all) and I think I have ibs from so much stress and I think that's actually the reason I have gained weight like I'm bloated all the time. And i dont have any support cause my depression/ ed made me also isolate from my friends and/or they kinda left me also so yeah. Ummmmm this became a lot longer than i thought. if you read this all thank you and also sorry for dumping all my problems here

Sorry that it took me so long to respond to this - my own life situation is kind of taking a toll on me rn, and I've been slow to respond to people. That will continue to be the case, most likely.

But I'm sorry you've found the system so unhelpful! I really think a competent nutritionist should at least be a little understanding of mental health problems, especially when a lot of people coming to them with additional health needs will probably be coping with a lot and might need a little empathy. I mean, yeah, that's not her main job, but healthcare requires a multipronged approach, especially since her "just eat" directive won't be helpful without someone assisting with the mental health aspect simultaneously. I mean, if she frequently works with ED clients she should know that - "just eat" is such an ineffective directive. I hope you find a therapist or a team of therapists that are capable of helping you.

My advice, though? Break it down for yourself. All of these things are a cycle that feed into one another, so making progress in ANY of these areas you struggle in is still progress. And if you let yourself focus on one thing at once, it might not seem so overwhelming. Also remember that everyone struggles with hard days/moments, so if you slip, it doesn't mean you've lost all your progress. It seems an all-or-nothing approach can be really self-defeating. I get it, though - that's definitely something I still find myself struggling with!

I really hope you find more social support! I don't know if you have any online support groups. I also hope it's okay that I published this ask - I tend to do it unless otherwise specified so that people on here don't feel alone in their struggles. I bet there have been lots of ED sufferers who struggled during the pandemic, who have been feeling a lot of overwhelm and who struggle with finding adequate support and on trying to accept their bodies as-is and who are triggered by things like buying new clothes. I'm wondering if anyone else would like to share their experiences.

#weight mention #restriction cw #ask vent

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