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viridwns · 3 months

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How does each uppermoon see reader? like what do they see in her. Is she just a piece of meat? is she just nice too look at? do they actually care for her? I would really like to see more interaction with reader and akaza. he treats her so well.

also, I'm not sure if it's obvious but has the reader had sex with akaza and Kokushibo? I think it hinted that she's done it with muzan and Douma. but what about the other two?

Miscommunication

Let me clear some things up for you.

I try to write the characters in character, but if I would really stick to that, my story wouldn't exist. Muzan would've killed the reader on sight. If we're being realistic, none of the demons would 'fall in love' with a human.

I've not deep dived into how the demons see reader, but I'll try my best to explain. Warning: this can be ooc :)

As far as we have seen, our main moons and Muzan do have feelings, but they're all focused on aggression, anger, or jealousy. In exception for Douma, who doesn't feel anything.

But if we drag Nezuko and Tamayo into this, we can see that even demons are capable of caring and even loving.

Only the four mains are...well...red flags and very toxic, so I don't think they experience all those tender emtions the same way. As previously stated, they are driven by intense feelings. Instead of gentle loving and caring, they twist it into owning and having.

They do care for the reader, just not as a normal person would. They don't like it when she gets hurt and they have no control over it. When they do, they don't see the problem. They'll know she'll heal, and they know exactly what she can take. But if it's out of their hands, who knows what can happen to her. They really, really want her so she has to stay in perfect health for them.

Douma is just a whore for entertainment and reader was perfect for it. He didn't feel anything for her, just found her amusing and time killing while in the infinitycastle and later his cult. If he got bored of her, he would get rid of her. Sure, he thought she was good-looking and wouldn't mind killing some time in bed (he has his needs, just mindless sex), but nothing special. Until Douma just couldn't get enough of her. He found her so amusing. Every sound, movement, or any other reaction drove him crazy. He didn't understand this sort of excitement and the need to just be with her all the time. Douma wanted to feel like this all day, every day. He didn't even realize that maybe this is what having emotion is supposed to be like.

To Douma reader is like a thirst he can't quench. He needs more and more and more of her until he is satisfied, which is never.

Akaza, our only upper who is not just driven by strength but also by his make shift empathy, he seems to have. He felt bad for reader when he first met her. Nothing more, really. He just wanted her suffering to end already. And then it all sort of changed when he saved her from danger. His reality from now got mixed with the reality from his past. He got the sudden need to protect her at all costs and to care for her like he once did for someone else. Reader is a replacement to make happy ending come true that wad robbed of him so many decades ago. She is his second chance.

Kokushibo is focused on his rage, his jealousy. The plaything Douma brought a long did nothing for him. Although...seeing how his two colleagues treated the poor thing, he had to admit it got him a little intrigued. Her fighting them off was the beginning. Kokushibo didn't know why, but he somehow respected her bravery. He wanted to know just how brave she was. The actual 'romantic' feelings came much later, though.

In the beginning, Muzan didn't care for her. She was just a human Douma brought along. Not his concern. She would die eventually. He didn't have the time to waste his time on an inferior being that didn't contribute to his plans. Dear old Muzan did hear Douma's thoughts, though, and that of the rest. Peaking his interest is something not many can do. Now you've earned his time. Muzan doesn't develop real feelings until quite a while. He's just interested in what will happen to reader. But the more he hears the others and the more he spends time with her, the more he wants to keep her all to himself. She interests him, he wants to keep experimenting with her, and no one can say no. Douma can wait with eating her (if he was still planning on that), she needs to satisfy Muzan's curiosity first.

They mostly see her as a plaything, a pet to entertain them and to keep busy. She is there to fill a void all of them got when turning into a Demon/from their past life.

Now Akaza does treat reader the best, but that doesn't change the fact that he doesn't let her do anything, and I mean anything. She's human, she's fragile, everything can hurt her. He also thinks she can't decide anything on her own. Akaza tells reader what to wear, to eat, and to do. He helps her brush her teeth, grabs things for her, and even spoon feeds from time to time

He's very controlling because he is so scared of loosing her. When he's in control, he'll know exactly what will happen to reader.

Between chapter one and two of the story, they all did it with her. The first was Douma, but that was even before he really got obsessed with her, and the rest wanted her as well. It was only after they made the compromise to share her that the others went to bed with her. When Douma thought it was funny to fuck her brains out for everyone to see, just to show how lovely her reactions were. They couldn't really control themselves, it was like a primal urge hit them.

Kokushibo just...did it. No emotion or foreplay, just pure instinct. Akaza controled himself and talked her through it, slowly sushing her sobs and protests with praises and easing himself into her.

Muzan was the last. He had resisted for a long time because he wouldn't stoop so low and sleep with a human because he couldn't control himself. He wouldn't allow someone weaker than him to have so much control over him. But sometimes, he just snaps when it becomes too much. It's a nice way to forget about his anger and frustrations he found.

It was all noncon in the beginning, but it slowly turned into dubcon as the reader just gave up.

I hope this answers your questions!

As I said it might be a little ooc, but oh well.

#yandere kny x reader #yandere kimetsu no yaiba x reader #yandere kny #yandere kimetsu no yaiba #yandere muzan kibutsuji #yandere kokushibo #yandere douma #yandere akaza #viri can't help it

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ghoulsister1 · 8 months

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♡~♡Adoring Your Half-Devil♡~♡

Dante Sparda x Female Ninja!Reader. Reader is a Devil Hunter. Fluff. A little bit of angst. Reader crushes on Dante. Love confessions. Super sweet moments. Devil Hunting.

Requested by @xx-scene-queen-of-vampires-xx

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

You've been partners with Dante for a long time now and you've always looked up to him, admiring him and eventually having such a huge crush on the half-Devil, but you're too shy to confess to him. You can't hold it in forever, will you eventually confess to Dante?

You've been working with Dante in Devil May Cry ever since you two met one fateful night. You were tracking down a demon and bumped into the charismatic half-Devil who was tracking down the same demon.

There was some back and forth debate about who would bag this demon until Dante proposed you two take it down together and split the reward equally. You thought about, eventually agreeing to the deal. If he was willing to split the reward with you and help you fight this demon, why not?

And took it down you two did. The demon never stood a chance. It was slaughtered within minutes though it did put up a fight but ultimately, you two got it down in the end. And Dante was good on his promise, he split the reward money just as he promised and you were grateful for his help.

But Dante then proposed a question for you.

"You know, you've got some killer skills there with those blades. How about you join me at my business? If you want that is, just give it some thought if you are interested. Here's the number" Suggested Dante handing you a card with the number to the place.

"Devil May Cry?" You Reapeated the name, liking the way the name sounded, impressed. Dante smiled and with a handshake, you both went your separate ways.

That was until you arrived at Devil May Cry, surprising Dante who looked at you as you entered the building.

"I was thinking you wouldn't take the offer" Chuckled Dante, rubbing his neck awkwardly. You smirked warmly at Dante.

"I gave it some thought and came to the conclusion that it was a good idea. Besides, Devil Hunters work great when together. And I'd be happy and grateful if you accept me into your business" You Explained.

Dante chuckled and opened his arms out wide with a big smile.

"Welcome to Devil May Cry!" Declared Dante and you smiled, feeling excited to join up with this charming Devil Hunter.

Since that day, you've worked on many jobs as Dante's partner. You and him worked like a well oiled Devil killing machine, unleashing an array of moves and style to cut through hordes of hellspawn. Your Ninja reflexes and style you acquired while training in Japan, making you also very stealthy, even sneaking up on unsuspecting demons and attacking without alerting other demons, impressing Dante.

"Ninja Devil Hunter? Hell yeah!" Praised Dante. You couldn't help but chuckle along with him. On days when you two had no jobs, you'd just chill out, listen to the jukebox and order up some food.

You also got the opportunity to get to know the rest of the Devil Hunters at Devil May Cry. You were introduced to Trish and Lady, despite at first a little bit of tension you and the ladies quickly warmed up to one another and became very good friends with one another. You also met Nico who was obsessed with your swords and blades and you honestly found it cute.

"Wow! Real strong Japanese steel, forged from slain demons. What a work of art, truly a work of art" Remarked Nico and you smiled proudly.

"One of my most best swords in my arsenal currently" You Stated with pride.

You also learned about Dante's family and the tragic past surrounding the Sparda family. You met Vergil, Dante's twin brother and Nero, Vergil's son and Dante's nephew.

You liked Nero and Vergil, you could see there was a bit of strain between the two, but hopefully with time, it will heal and eventually grow stronger.

Throughout your experience with working with Dante, you did begin to have a crush on the half-Devil and it only grew more the longer you worked with him on missions and such. Everytime you looked at him, you felt your heart race and cheeks heat up, he was handsome I mean come on!

You adored his sense of humour, his witty jokes and comebacks, his smile and his confidence. He was also warm-hearted and even on bad days when Dante was down, you always would cheer him up to see that bright spark return to his blue eyes and that smile that made your heart melt.

But you were so shy, so very shy. How would confess to him? Would he been interested in a relationship? Did he view the same way you view him? All these questions ran through your mind and you were in conflict on what to do.

"I have to let him know how I feel! It's causing distractions during jobs! I have to just get it out of my system" You Thought. You shook your head.

"No. He probably looks at you as more of a close friend, like Lady and Trish. He probably isn't looking for a relationship" You Thought sadly. But again, you shook your head.

"But I still have to let him know how I feel! I can't keep it to myself forever. One way or another, I will have to confess to him at some point in time!" You Thought. With a sigh, you pinched the bridge of your nose.

"But if he doesn't return your feelings, what then? It will only hurt you in the end" You Thought with a sad sigh.

What will you do? Do you confess or hide it?

"Hey Y/N! What brings you here at this hour? We got no jobs tonight" Asked Dante as you entered Devil May Cry, dressed in some casual comfy wear. You chuckled a little and shrugged your shoulders.

"Thought maybe you wanna hang out here tonight? That's only if you don't have plans then we can leave it for another time" You Suggested, blushing a bit. Dante's eyes lit up and sat up in his office chair, a big grin on his face.

"Are you kidding? Of course I'll hang out with you! Hey we can catch up on the season of that show we like!" Suggested Dante excitedly. You blushed harder, seeing Dante so excited.

"Sure! Hey, do want something to eat?" You Asked. Dante grinned at you, sending your heart racing.

"You know my favourite" Dante Grinned, sending you a wink that made your heart go haywire. You chuckled and dialed up the number.

With pizza warm and ready, some drinks and your favourite show and your favourite Devil Hunter next to you, it was a perfect night in. Throughout the show, you steal quick glances up at Dante, just to admire him. You could gaze all day if you wanted to. If only he knew how you truly felt.

"See something you like?" Teased Dante's voice. You jumped at the sound of his voice and saw Dante staring at you, smirking and chuckling at having made you nearly jump out of the couch.

"Wha...?" You Stammered.

"Caught you staring at me. Is there something you wanna tell me?" Asked Dante, raising an eyebrow and smiling.

Your face turned red as a tomato and you felt embarrassed at having been caught staring at him like a lovestruck schoolgirl from an anime show. You quickly turned your head away, hiding your red face.

"I'm so sorry!" You Blurted out. Dante tilted his head, confused at you and then he frowned.

Dante reached over and gently turned your head to him. He smiled softly at you and you just melted, tears welling up a little.

"I....I like you Dante!" You Confessed.

Dante blinked at you, his head tilted.

"You like me?" Asked Dante, surprised.

"I mean, I like you. A lot. I like you a lot....a lot lot in fact. Like I REALLY like you a lot LOT....lot" You Stammered, blushing hard. You sighed.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is......Dante I love you. I know it's weird and if you don't love me back, just please say so and we can forget this ever happened and move on" You Confessed and braced yourself for the rejection that was surely coming your way.

Dante chuckled and you looked up at him, confused and little pissed at him chuckling.

"I thought I was the one with a crush here. I honestly thought you weren't into me that way" Admitted Dante.

Your eyes widened in shock.

"You....have a crush....on me?" You Asked.

"Sure have. For a while now. I just thought you didn't see me that way, so I was kinda holding off confessing. I probably should have admitted it sooner. Sorry" Apologised Dante.

"I was kinda holding it off too Dante, until well you caught me staring. You are attractive" You Admitted. Dante grinned at that and proudly flexed, causing you to giggle.

You two looked at each other and smiled.

"So, are we....." Dante Began.

"Officially in love?" You Asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I do love you. A lot. I love you a lot Y/N" Admitted Dante.

"And I love you a lot too Dante" You Admitted and you both shared a kiss together before breaking apart.

"So, pizza date sometime?" Asked Dante.

You giggled and caressed his scruffy face lovingly.

"It's a date Dante!" You Replied and you both snuggled up on the couch in each other's arms, happy to be together and happy you both confessed your feelings for one another.

A perfect end to a perfect night and the perfect beginning to you and Dante's relationship.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

#dante #dante sparda #dante son of sparda #dante x reader #devil may cry #devil+may+cry+x+reader #ninja reader #request #story requests #fluffy #scruffy devil #fanfiction #devil may cry fanfiction

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kardia-library-official · 5 days

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...Actually, come to think of it, I do want to talk about it! I've actually wanted to make a rambly introspective post about h/c and related things for quite some time.

Part of it is, like, predictable stuff, Blame My Upbringing, whatevs. You know this story already. Let me start off by saying that my mom is a decent person despite her issues, and I do not blame her. She's just not the person to have around when you're suffering physically or emotionally in any way. No one in her family knows how to care for people without infantilizing them, she's not good in any situation she can't directly control, and she's a hypochondriac who is inexplicably mistrustful of medicine.

So I learned pretty early in life that showing discomfort of any kind was like spinning some godawful roulette wheel. Would I be treated like a toddler? Would she arbitrarily decide I was dying or something? Would I be dismissed altogether because Fixing Problems Means Problems Exist? Either way, my problem would not be solved, and something unpleasant would happen. So I became a champion Dog Moder pretty early in childhood, and didn't have glasses or an inhaler until I was 23. Good times!

Now, I think a lot of this is actually innate in me, and I'm just a cagey mesopredator of a person who doesn't like a fuss, so I think a big part of the issue is that we were mismatched. But everyone still needs care to some extent, even though I just kind of... Forgot I did, I guess? Especially because I never had an experience of care coexisting with respect, and would choose respect any day.

So yeah, common daydream scenarios for me, for most of my life, tended to involve someone noticing a stoic character's pain, and striving to alleviate it while also Not Making A Big Fuss. Loving, but casual and easy, and taking the person's actual needs and personality into account. That was my big unrealistic ideal, I guess. :P

...Luckily, my partner and I met as teens, and holy shit, care and respect at the same time!? Just, like, being gentle, and making sure I have what I need? And noticing that something's wrong even though I don't show a lot of outward signs, and wanting to help me actually fix it? Even two decades on, it's a huge novelty, and feels like home! So even though my needs are better met now, I still want to celebrate that, because it's transcendent! And it's also just what I know.

So yeah, that's my best explanation for the comfort half, but when it comes to the hurt...

...I'm just a morbid little creep. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Okay, okay, I'll try to actually explain!

I just have kind of a fascination with pain/illness/injury, probably as an extension of a general fascination with bodily workings and matters. I've always liked biology, and one of the first books I remember reading/looking through on my own is my aunt's old anatomy textbook from when she was in nursing school. It's just one of my Themes, y'know? I don't know if it's in spite or because of my poor interoception, honestly. (What the hell is going on in there!? Mysteries abound!)

So yeah, I've always had an interest in this stuff. Actually, when I wrote more original fiction, a lot of it bordered on body horror! And wish there was more opportunity to flex those muscles in the RF world... I loved writing the nightmare sequences in ATNG, and am itching for a chance to use/create my interpretations of how healing potions work (or rather don't), what the various status effects do and feel like, etc. (Unfortunately, I don't write enough action!)

Also, I think they're important topics! As I've said before, something going wrong with the body is familiar to pretty much everyone to some degree. And it's a visceral topic that can inspire big feelings, which is catnip to me as a Romantic! Plus, it's a great way to explore a character. (Thinking of that passage that says something to the effect of how you don't really know a person until you've seen them ill or grieving.) And it's just cathartic, especially if you're like me and have spent a lot of your life processing pain and discomfort alone in your head.

And... idk! I'm just a weird freaky goth girl at heart! I'm Marian! It's Not That Deep. Or as deep as I want it to be! Either way, I've been being weird about gross stuff for most of my life, and I'm still having too much fun to stop.

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oleanderblume · 2 years

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A little rant on why the rise in puritan culturally christian views on sex is actively detrimental to people :)

Hi. I write books! I'm also trans and queer and a survivor of CSA. I write young adult fiction, it has gay, bi, lesbian characters, and it's about a trans boy and his journey of growth and healing from extensive childhood trauma, including and most pertinently, CSA.

The first book is all about this kid dealing with horrific things, learning to accept help, to ask for help after years of being taught that the abuse he experienced is something shameful and wrong. That no one should ever know about it.

The second one is about how that abuse left him naive, traumatized and incredibly vulnerable, easy to fallback into those toxic and terrible relationships with manipulative and cruel people. How his abuse affects his thought process, his actions.

The third is about the shame, the self loathing and deep-seated anger at that utterlack of control you feel when having experienced such things, about how that affects your other relationships, healthy, good relationships that you feel compelled to destroy because you are bad and don't deserve to feel good, to have good things.

The fourth is that realization that the type of person you have become because of those experiences, the traits you've developed after years of suffering in effort to protect yourself are ultimately not helpful, that you don't have to be that way.

The fifth? The effort to change, the great and almost daunting task of not only recognizing where you're vulnerable, where you have failed and making a point to grow past those toxic traits you've learned.

The sixth is about acceptance. Of the abuse, of who had caused it and all the ways of how it hurt you, and how all those previous feelings, previous actions, mistakes and ignorance are a result of that, but it is not who you are, and nor was what happened to you your fault. That you are allowed to be okay.

It's a young adult book. And depicts all kinds of abuse, manipulation, some with more detail than others, and it is like that for a reason.

Purity culture, those culturally Christian values that influence and sanitize our media, especially our queer media are the same values that censor and deride books like mine because "think of the children!" "They shouldn't be exposed to this!" Because it contains some level of sexual content.

The entire series is built on the precedent of sexual content because that sexual content is that of abuse and the victimization of vulnerable people. Because that victimization is a very real, horrifying thing to experience, long term or otherwise.

The entire premise is a lesson and a warning, an exploration of how horribly such things can affect people and yes, children. And to not talk about it is to allow the ignorance of the same tactics, used by the same kind of villains in my books, to be used against very real, very human people and yes, children.

But those puritanical values do not accept that. And they never will. Because when you cover up all the signs, you're covering up the warning signs too.

Children who haven't experienced abuse like this can read my books and see through the lens of that fictional character how detrimental it is to learn the lessons he learns, to see those warnings signs in their own lives. And children who have deserve to see themselves or someone they know in him, and to know that it does not have to be that way, they do not have to feel that way, or suffer. And most importantly, that it will be okay. They can heal too.

Today I shipped out 10 copies of my book across the US, to states like Tennessee, and Georgia, Florida, Texas. States that have passed anti trans and LGBT legislation, knowing that there's a chance that those who won my book will read it and see it with the same disdain that some people in my own community do. Because it has a trans lead and it contains sexual content. Because the topic of the book is about a marginalized person dealing with horrific abuse.

And honestly, it's heartbreaking to think that from both sides, I know there are people who would gleefully burn my book or commit actual and real crimes because of its topic of discussion and exploration. Despite how much that topic deserves discussion and exploration.

I wish I had my book series, or something like it as a kid. I wish I had a book designed for me, written on my level, telling me through its story how to avoid groomers, manipulation, how to accept help, to ask for help, to self analyze, to teach me the process of grieving for your own life, the process of healing.

I know some exist, I've read them, many of them, but never have I seen them end with healing. Or even explore the idea. It's always been "now the bad thing stopped and everything is okay."

But that's just not how it works. It doesn't stop after it's over, there is so much left to address, so much more to talk about, to learn how to handle in actually and genuinely healthy ways.

Catharsis doesn't happen once the thing is over. And healing hurts, it's hard and painful and long, grueling. Especially from stuff so terrible as that abuse, as any kind of abuse really.

So. Yeah. This idea that all sexual content is bad is severely overlooking the fact that the first act of preventing harm is through education. And the safest way to educate is through fiction.

A child with no understanding of the signs or severity of harm such abuse causes is far worse off than a child who is taught to recognize those warnings signs before harm can occur.

I'd rather teach them with a book series about space clowns than wait for them to be threatened, or already hurt.

#sad vibes sorry

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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hii this is the same adoptee anon from the adopted rant/post you answered a few days ago (similar tws I think?)

thanks for the detailed answer. It's rough 'cause I know that blood family isn't the only type of family, but growing up in the foster home I eventually was adopted into I have 8 foster siblings all who eventually were sent somewhere else where I've never seen or talked to them again.

My foster/adoptive parents are weird, like I know my history with my birth parents means that starting out in life my idea of being treated well was FAR below standard. But from what I've been figuring out and from the new information I've learnt from my foster/adoptive parents I am realizing that they're probably abusive and quite neglectful in their own ways.

I stayed with my adoptive aunt for a few months recently and that ended up with her starting off behaving decent before getting abusive and now I can't really spend time with anyone in my extended adoptive family because they've known her longer and trust her and she believes that I'm "a cursed devil child" and other stuff.

I wish I had more friends but I've never been good at making friends with school and with how things are now I don't really have chances to make friends, so idk I don't really have any sense of family there. (I think part of it was because I never really learnt how to be a kid. I was quite literally fighting for my life for years when I was younger so I've never had a sense of innocence and took things too serious out of self-preservation.)

I'm greatful for your response and it's very helpful, I guess I just feel that hey, at least my blood family would be obligated to be family right? but i know that that's not true. I'm just jealous of adoptees who ended up getting good parents and maybe found out their birth families weren't shit too. I wish there was some way to get a family now, or I wish at the very least my city did community events but it doesn't really do any. I've checked.

It sucks feeling so different compared to everyone else who had the chance to at least have a family, you know? Like idk.. I know there's nothing I can do about it now and it is what it is, but I hate seeing people with family and even friends and knowing that I've never really had that. idk I guess it's just something wrong with me, because I've tried getting help before and I've tried so much but idk i was born to not be liked.

sorry for being so negative but thank you for the help, I hope you all are doing well

Hi anon,

I'm glad I could help.

It's understandable to want that connection and support from your bio family. It's also understandable to envy adoptees with good parents or who were able to reconnect with their bio family. But it's important to remember that comparing your situations to those who have it better is not going to help you grow and heal. You are valid where you are. Also, you're welcome to be my friend if you want. My personal blog is linked in the "about the mods" in the pinned post. If anyone else would like to be friends, please feel free to comment.

I can understand how your experiences may lead you to believe that there's something wrong with you or that you were born unlikable. But neither of those things are actually true. You are worthy of love.

Please be gentile with yourself as you heal from everything you've been through. I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #abuse #emotional abuse #child abuse

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gggoldfinch · 8 months

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this is in regards to the neurodivergent post you made:

every point you made is so valid. i just had to make sure you knew that first and foremost. you should never feel the need to fit in someone else's box of who they think you are, even if that's your own parents. as a fellow undiagnosed neurodivergent, I think it's so interesting to see how we all just, like, know? that you're a little different from the others? and when you're growing up, knowing that can make life really fucking hard. you mentioned you were the subject of interest to a lot of malicious intent from other people (I'm assuming kids you grew up with/went to school with) because you were considered "weird". to that, I say you are very brave and I hope you were able to accept whatever weirdness they accused you of and learn to love it. growing up, my own mother was kind of obsessed with me fitting in with the other kids (it was mostly to make herself look good, I can see that now) and because I was that extremely quiet and obedient child, I locked away any "weirdness" that lingered within me in order to appease her (and i still do). my mother was also as hyperaware of this weirdness I was prone to and would actively stomp on it before it happened (taking an intrest in movies? nope. music? not happening. etc etc etc) it's a terrible feeling and I wish she would have just left me to it and had more of an open mind or something, even if it meant I was picked on (more than I already was) because of it. as I've entered adulthood though, that weirdness is coming back and it's scary as fuck to acknowledge but it also feels like coming back to your body after years of being absent from it. and! another thing I've learned! being neurodivergent (to whatever degree) can be so special, too. you obsess over things, big and small (me too!), and you are able to find so much joy from those things as a result. does everyone get to find that degree of joy? probs not. you mentioned your tendency to cycle through hobbies and interests fast, especially if you don't become a pro at them immediately. even still, it looks like you've managed to find a few hobbies/interests that you've found you have a knack for, like creating art and writing (both of which, I must say, you are pretty talented at. autism be damned, eh?). that is such a special thing to find out about yourself in life! and chances are, you probably found out you were good at both by doing neurodivergent-y things, right? my point is, embrace the weirdness, girly. own that shit. it can lead to many good things in life, too. maybe you don't need that as advice, but let it be a reminder, at the very least.

I want to end this by thanking you for your post, and I'm sorry if this got a little sappy. seeing someone else write about their experiences as an undiagnosed neurodivergent healed a part of me that I thought was doing it (life) all wrong. you know that feeling when you'll be surrounded by people just doing their regular mundane people-y things and you have this overwhelming notion that they all know something (something entirely inherent, that we should all just know) that you simply don't? they get it, but you don't. but also, in the same breath, there are things you understand with every brain cell that exsits in your noggin and every bone you have in your body, yet when you try to connect with the Normal Person™️ about it, they come up short and equivalate you to an alien? ya, that shit's confusing as fuck. HOWEVER, every once in a while you come across a person that DOES finally get it, and you feel a lot less like said alien. you, my friend (even though I don't know you really), have been this person for me. so thank you. I hope I didn't put you to sleep with all of that, and maybe some of it made sense (?)

to summarize: stay weird, you're cool as fuck. the childhood trauma you get from having to go through this stuff isn't ideal for your mental wellbeing, but if you can get through that, I'm sure you're pretty well-suited to get through anything from here on out (not the best advice ik but it's what I've found out so far). plus, you'll always have your special guys to help you along the way 🙈 (aka Copia and Aether and Starscream and your Rammstein guys and the insanely hot vampire priest you were posting about a lil while ago, and the list goes on) ok I'll stop now ILY!!

Anon I love you so much this made me feel so seen and loved and not crazy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I’m so happy my stupid shitpost rant resonated with you; us weird aliens gotta stick together in these Times Of Turmoil fr.

Thank you so much for this ask, I keep rereading it 🥺 idk what else to say aagghhhh ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#anon ask

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girlfrandletters · 2 years

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In Which I Give You Much Of The Same Pep Talk I Did Over Text, But Now I Can Type More

I've realized that since I've been here, I've typed you a letter almost every single day. I had planned on doing this from the very beginning of my idea, but haven't had the chance to. I think I've typed more today than I have since I started this thing.

Anyway.

You were just telling me about how you're paranoid about going to school because the last time you were in college, you drowned. That's why you've been studying so hard, and kicking yourself for not knowing everything you've studied immediately. And while I do not know exactly the feeling you're experiencing, I can empathize with you. Having a past of going to school and having to leave because for whatever reason you couldn't continue is very difficult, and I understand that it can be stressful to put yourself back in that situation. You didn't have a good support system back then, you were struggling for basic survival needs, like food, you had little money and no help.

This time around, you will never have to worry about money, or where you next meal will come from. You will have my support all the way, from the second you walk into that building to the moment you walk down a graduation aisle. And aside from me, you will have the support of your classmates while in school. I get the vibe that the students of Won won't be like the students of other colleges. They aren't out there to "do better" than you, they're out there to help people, and they know you're doing the same thing. The environment is not competitive, it's going to be uplifting, and supportive. When you are studying something that you don't understand, one of your classmates or teachers will be there to explain it to you. Just like you will jump over tables to help someone if you see that they are struggling.

You've been in environments where those around you who are supposed to have your back have not been supportive, so I understand if you are hesitant to believe that mutual support is real, that there are groups out there who want to help you do better and do good. But believe it. You're about to be a part of a field that depends solely on support. You're going to be recommended by your colleagues, just as you will be recommending colleagues. Your whole future will be based on mutual support.

I can promise you that as scary as it is to leave your job and start school again, it will be worth it. I swear that you will graduate, you will be a successful acupuncturist, and you will heal a whole bunch of people who would not be comfortable and happy without you. You are going to play such a crucial role in people's lives. One day, you will heal someone with this knowledge you are obtaining, and that experience will change them so much that they will get more interested in acupuncture and will go to school themselves. You will spark a whole new generation of acupuncturists.

You are such an incredibly smart human. You are kind and gentle, but inquisitive and interested. Your goal is to help others, but you also want to learn more and strive to better yourself every single day. I can think of no other combination of traits that would be more perfect for what you're about to go into. I trust that you will do amazing and you will BE amazing.

So trust yourself.

~Girlfrand

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3desiderium3 · 3 years

Text

For your love

chapter six - Spring day

[ series masterlist ]

previous chapter | next chapter

pairings : reader x damiano david

story summary : damiano and reader are in very loving relationship that sometimes almost too quickly becomes too toxic for anyone likings

chapter warning (s) : this is sad af i made myself sad once again , some strong language and violent behavior , mentions of alcoholism , suicide and depression

They say healing takes time .

For Y/N time felt cruel . It was cold and slow .

It felt like winter . Y/N hated winter . That cold cruel and monstrous time of the year always left deep cuts on her brain and her soul . Every year for her was separated in 2 parts .

One was surviving the winter and having to deal mentally with all the problems and abnormally painful experiences . Constantly drowning .

The other part was trying to swim out of that freezing lake of trauma before she suffocated .

She hated the winter cause that was the time Damiano and her met .

She was never going to erase that day from her head and she was never going to forget each individual pain she felt in that period .

The pain he caused .

She always felt so melancholic and dizzy in that time of the year . Lost . Alone . Fragile .

One and half month has passed since she left Damiano and that month felt exactly like winter.

' I miss you

Saying this only makes me miss all you more

Even though I'm looking at your photo

Time's so cruel , I hate us

It's all winter here , Even in August '

She didn't hear a word from him . From almost no one actually . She disconnected from the real world fully . Only keeping the contact with Thomas , her parents and Vic of course .

Ethan had a hard time figuring out on his own what was happening . But he remained silent .

He didn't wanted to pick up the bleeding wound .

Y/N spent that month in her room . Crying . Trying not to focus on the sharp pains in her chest each night as she would listen over and over again Damiano's voice messages and Måneskins songs . She restored all the deleted pictures . She stopped eating and drinking water . She was just smoking in her bed and sleeping next to an overfill ashtray . Her hair always greasy and tied up . Her eyelashes always soaked up in tears . She avoided human touch the best she could .

Thomas was trying so hard to get her out of that depressive state along with Victoria .

They failed each time . And every other .

So they stopped forcing what the couldn't get .

Måneskin wasn't having rehearsals yet . Well I mean they did sometimes . But without Damiano .. Not because they weren't in touch but because every time they schedule one he cancels it .

He never showed actually up . Always having some lame excuses behind him .

Y/N was constantly playing their shared memories in her head like a dusty retro movie .

It was all she was thinking about . Nothing else . Everything was black and non existing beside him .

Just him .

How is he ? Did he ate today ? Is he sleeping well ? Is he having fun without her ? Is he with someone else ?

She often found herself lost in thoughts filled with suspicion , such as was he ever cheating on her etc etc .

The more time she spent with Victoria the more she became obsessed with an idea that Damiano and her used to have thing .

Some of Damiano's stuff appearing in her apartment such as jewelry and clothes .

An idea of going through Victoria's messages with him was also on her mind all day .

Y/N was always one click away from sending him that ' Hey I miss you , how you've been ? ' message . But always deleting it and putting her phone away .

When she was not thinking of him she was dreaming him . She was dreaming of his apologizes . All the things she wanted him to say to her he only spoke in a dream .

' I miss you

How long do I have to wait

How many nights do I have to pass

To see you ? '

Every day passed so slow because every day was the same .

She would woke up , trying to memorize and analyze all the dreams she had about Damiano , cry because she misses him and his sweet praises , maybe eat something , go back to bed and cry , smoke and drink , vomit if she feels like it , shake from all that stress until her stomach aches , cry and sleep for the rest of the day and at the end she goes back to sleep while thinking of him and later on dreaming of him .

Very often she questioned if this was the best option . Was it a good thing that she just went ? Was it a good thing that she broke up ? Maybe she should've given him second chance .. Maybe she should've at least tell him she planned on leaving , or leave a not whatever .

But he gave up so easily ..

He gave up ...

He never bothered finding her or searching for her ..

' I try to exhale you

Like white smoke

I say that I'll erase you

But I can't let you go yet . '

Y/N felt confused and like her tongue was cut off . She craved for some answers and explanations feeling like she was left unfinished with her words .

Would her even consider responding to her call ?

It was easy for her to explain how she felt but it was hard to understand .

She felt like she had her lungs overfilled with air , like someone kept pouring hot gelatin water on her head , like her bones where heavy , she was exhausted , paranoid , lonely , scared ...

But healing takes time ..

Already two full months passed . Y/N felt like the winter inside of her slowly started to turn into spring .

She gathered some hope for her , she felt like she was able to bloom and breath again .

The final day came . The day she left the house . Well the day she left her room . She washed her hair , she dressed nicely and cleaned up her disgusting room .

Victoria was proud . She almost shaded tears of joy . Her friend started the healing process and she was there by her side .

Y/N went in town to buy some simple groceries .

The day was hot and sunny , people had smiles on their faces . She hasn't landed a thought on Damiano for the past 2 or more days .

She was almost done with shopping when she entered one larger store to buy one single thing she couldn't find anywhere .

And oh boy ... She had what to see ...

She saw him . For the first time she saw him . How didn't she manage to spot his car outside ? Why today ? ?

She felt overwhelmed . Lump in her throat as her clothes became tight on her . She tried pretending she didn't saw him .

But she did . And she memorized every detail from his head to toe .

He looked flawless . No sight of fatigue on his face , no sight of suffer or regret . No nothing . He looked fine . Like he hadn't spent a night without sleep or day without shower . He looked fresh , rested and glamorous .

It awoke rage in Y/N . She was so sure he was feeling at least a bit of the pain she felt . But she saw that he was wrong .

That one fucking ingredient she needed was in a row in front of him , there was no way that he didn't saw her ..

She kept walking , gaze straight ahead pretending she didn't spotted him . But with the edge of her eye she saw him looking at her and making his direction towards her .

Y/N panicked . She practically ran towards the cashier and out of the store felling like all the air she felt overfilling her lungs disappeared .

" Do you need a drive ? " That voice . That velvety sweet voice sent chills to her spine , she was mad . So god damn mad that he was fine doing just fine . Who knows ? Maybe he even moved one with someone else by his side .

' Is it you who changed?

Or is it me?

I hate even this moment that is passing by

I guess we are changed

Just like everyone you know '

" I gotta go to another store it is really close . " Y/N tried lying . " Oh no problem I can drop you off . " He sounded so normal and casual .

Like they where fucking acquaintances not ex lovers .

At this point she didn't felt like resisting . So she just simply went in his car praying that there indeed was some store near .

" How've you've been Y/N ? " " Good. " There was a certain moment of silence . " And you ? " "Just the casual you know . I went to see Ethan this morning and I stopped by to buy bear there is a game tonight . "

" It's here . Thanks for the drop out . "

Y/N said and almost ran out of the car slamming it hardly behind her.

She entered that store and pretended to search for something until she saw him leaving behind the block .

She sighed , tears running gently down her cheeks . She felt so ashamed and so betrayed . How dumb was she actually ? Thinking that he cared for her . ' If he wanted to call he would do it . If he wanted to see how I was he would do it . '

Somehow she dragged herself back to Victoria's . She didn't shared a word with her as she was making her way back to her bed .

Back to that cold room . The room that smelled like winter .

* meanwhile damiano's p.o.v *

Damiano was not doing well . He was sleeping in his stuff that still barely had any of Y/N's fragrance left . In 2 months since their break up nothing good happened to him . He moved back in in his and Y/N's house . Keeping it clean and in peace . He pretended as if they never broke up . He started talking to himself pretending like Y/N was listening . He had no one to yell at .

He slept on her side of the bed , ate on the same spot at the table she used to sit . Read her books on her chair in living room . Sleep in her t-shirts , walk around the house in socks and her hoodies . He cried every damn night . It was eating him alive .

How he let her slip through his fingers . How he made her run away .

When he wasn't sad he was mad . He was cursing her he was yelling and shouting in an empty room . Because he was simply broken and sad . Disappointed and unsatisfied . Mad at himself .

At first he was so determined to find her . There was not a person he asked where she lived , with who she was staying , did she changed her number . He searched for her everywhere . The other band members didn't wanted to tell him however . They knew but they pretended like they had no idea even if they where in touch with her every day . He was slowly losing hope for her .

Even in those toughest moments he tried not to come out as too soft or caring . He never dared to let anyone know how he truly felt . He always pretended like he was doing okay and like he was fine like he didn't care . He put extra effort in his personal looks so it appeared like he was glowing .

But it was eating him out alive every night .

Where is she , how is she , is she alive , is someone taking care of her and her needs ?

' Yeah, I hate you

You left me

But I never stopped thinking about you

Not even a day

Honestly, I miss you

But now I’ll erase you

Because it hurts less than to blame you '

He prayed he could just see her one more time .

And his prayers have been granted . He saw her . He finally did .

She seemed tinier than he remembered , dark circles under her eyes and her posture bended . He offered to give her ride just so he could see where she lives . He wanted to know if she was safe .

After she rejected him coldly he turned around the corner and waited in his car until she was back in his sight walking towards the very familiar path .

He was trying his best to remember how he knew this path .

And once he saw her entering Victoria's house he bit his tongue . He was gripping the wheel with such force his knuckles went white .

' So she was the one hiding you from me . '

Then it clicked inside of his brain .

Thomas knew , Victoria knew and Ethan knew .

They all knew where she was . And no one wanted to help him reach her . They made a fool our of him that day , letting him go in their house while knowing she wouldn't be there .. They made a fool out of him every day when they told him that they had no clue where she was .

He sat there and smoked at least 3 cigarettes before driving off to Thomas's place .

He was going to make a scene .

Måneskin gathered at Thomas's house for the game night .

Damiano silently went in . Prepared for the cold war . Three of them sat on a couch in living room across the huge TV , laughing . " Ay man did you bought the bear ? " Thomas asked still smiling .

Damiano huffed . He was so annoyed , he walked closer to Thomas almost towering him .

" I will fucking kill you . " Those words where followed by Damiano slapping his friend and Victoria letting out loud scream . Ethan gasped and tried separating them .

These two where on the floor wrestling with each others hands around their necks .

" Daminao stop what is wrong with you for fucks sake ! " Victoria yelled . Once they separated , she was rubbing Thomas's back , the golden boy was all red in his face and his eyes teary .

" YOU FUCKING KNEW ! ! ! ALL OF YOU FUCKING KNEW ! " The other members watched their friend in shock as he was exploding from rage . This type of behavior he didn't surfaced in months .

" ALL OF YOU ! FUCKING KNEW ! WHERE SHE WAS , HOW SHE'S BEEN AND YOU HELPED HER GET AWAY FROM ME ! ! ! "

Not only Damiano was shouting but he was also crying .

He was crying and sobbing with his lips visibly shaking , his hands in his hair . This was the first time he cried in front of them in 2 months .

" I WAS THE WORST ! I STILL AM ! SHE DESERVED BETTER ! BUT NONE OF YOU WANTED TO TELL ME IF SHE IS EVEN ALIVE ! "

" Dami - " " SHUT UP ! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS IS ! "

He was breathing very hard now . Not only his lips but his whole body was shaking now . " I need her .. I need Y/N ... I will rather die than not be in her arms again .. I - I want her back .. "

The only sound in the room was the background TV sound . Thomas , Victoria and Ethan watching Damiano cry in front of them and scream his pain out . They felt guilty .

" I need to call her .. "

A/N i used BTS song spring day in few references . Hope you like it and leave a heart on if you do <33

taglist : @ella-nordstrm3 , @urskaa , @lovelysaltyland , @littleachaos , @whoreforhenrycavill , @13journals , @onceuponparrilla , @21nell , @davedace101 , @vainbimbo , @aliyeaz , @vandafabryova , @miriampraez , @foggyhottubcandy , @daringovangel , @inr89 , @fanfictioncafe , @mrsllshhb , @ over-themoon , @theclavvofaraven , @annika0-o , @thxtsclxssified , @goddessofthem0on , @ellabeth , @vandafabryova , @olivera-gajic

#damiano david #ethan torchio #eurovision italy #fanfic #relationship #thomas raggi #damiano maneskin #eurosong #eurovision #maneskin #victoria de an #victoria de angelis #love #breakup

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matchstickdolly · 3 years

Text

Lucifer 5B: Cutting off Touch to Spite Your Fans

Spoiler warning: This post assumes you've watched all of Lucifer, season 5, part B.

CW: There's plenty I like about season 5, but this is a negative post. I know not everyone is up for negativity about the things they love. I also generally avoid it and (try to) keep my mouth shut about things I don’t like in most spaces. It’s good etiquette. But this is my space, and I have thoughts specifically about purity culture and the treatment of sexuality and trauma in fiction. You’ve been warned!

---

I'm a professional writer (not in TV). I've worked with enough bad clients, editors, and other writers to recognize some hallmark behaviors in how both Fox and Netflix gave Lucifer's writers incredibly difficult, unfair, and frankly weird situations to create through.

Fox did them dirty, interfering and ordering too many eps in S3. Netflix did them dirty, ordering 10 eps for S4 when it clearly needed ~13. Then Netflix ordered 10 "final" eps for S5—then, just kidding(!), 6 more after they'd done their writing for the 10. (What the fuck?) And then Netflix ordered 10 more for a "final-final" S6 after the writers had done their best to tell their whole story in S5. (MORE what the fuck.)

Talk about whiplash for creators, and half of those who consume content don't even care to understand such creative pain.

So, there are problems on multiple fronts. There's much I'll forgive writers, accordingly. I go into most shows expecting plotting/pacing issues. I look, instead, for characters and relationships that will triumph over those issues.

Heart is what the show Lucifer has always had in spades, both in its characters and in the immensely committed, wonderful ways the actors have tried to realize the characters' humor, love, trauma, and—most importantly—struggle to find healing. Yet, when given the opportunity to show health alongside another in a relationship, the writers/directors of 5B chose to remove most sexual humor and physical intimacy from their female lead and bi/pan characters to, I feel, sanitize them and troll fans. What happened?

Well, for one, say hi to showrunner Joe Henderson bragging about how the writers decided to be colossal dicks to the fans who helped secure their jobs:

From CBR's 'Lucifer Showrunner Joe Henderson Dissects Season 5B's Chaos'

Have we not suffered sidelined/repressed female characters, "bury your gays," and, oh, Chloe fucking a serial killer enough? Must we also say hello to neutered relationships once characters find stable love (whether same or opposite sex)? The result of withdrawing more sexual humor and physical intimacy from paired characters is an uncomfortable suggestion that they're reformed by "pure" love—more chaste and aloof, more acceptable in polite society. This is only done to end-game committed relationships.*

The writers seem to think they're edging the viewers, but the reality is they're taking traumatized minority characters who rejoiced in sexual freedom, but lacked and craved an emotional connection, and showing they can't have both, or, if they find both, it will never last. They've taken hypersexual characters and said, here, even they can have the love and commitment they desire, but some physical intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, is what they must trade for it.

There's always one more case, phone call, or coincidence interrupting intimacy. Traumas or deaths deserving emotional and physical comfort go on to receive none or only one aspect. Done sometimes, it's fine. Done always, it's sick. Dan dies, and there's no hugging? Really?†

Don't craft characters who crave a full range of emotional and physical intimacy, only to rob them of related scenes every chance you get. That's not complexity. That's bad writing. To even achieve this in 5B, they must squash banter and sideline their female lead yet again.

What a gift to purity culture, which tells us to be more palatable by bottling and buttoning up. That sex should be taboo, but violence glorified. That there is no heated desire among "Good Women," that sexual minorities of all genders shouldn't experience it much at all.

5A is so good. At the very least, it's on the right path (clearly, since the plot payoff from 5x01 to 5x16 is great). It shows a couple working through difficulties and trauma, toward each other emotionally and physically. It even pokes fun at people who think an established relationship means the death of romantic and sexual appeal (a tired and hugely sexist trope). And then... And then 5B reverses that, pretending established relationships are barely physical during emotional struggle and that the honeymoon phase doesn't exist. It robs characters of joy and comfort through physical intimacy when they need it to move through or push beyond trauma.

It's telling that so many fan wishes for Deckerstar are about healing touch and existing in each other's spaces: amending Chloe's spicy PDA history with Cain, Chloe caring for Lucifer's wings, soft family scenes a la Monopoly night and shared meals, morning-afters, etc. Reasonable fans aren't asking for porn; they're asking for connection and humanity. They're asking for writers not to forget characters (and, yes, including hypersexual characters) on their way from Point A to Point B.

That 5B lacks these things isn't a "tee-hee frustrating" slow burn or a cockblock. It is, in so many scenes, excising from characters a core part of what nearly every human and fictional monster craves. And it's a slap in the face to the "found family" trope. When you remove or tamp down a casual physical intimacy that was previously there, characters and their relationships fall flat, even if only partially. They become blunt weapons creators wield against watchers or readers begging for scraps of warmth.

Minorities shouldn't be killed off with ease, and they shouldn't be stifled with ease, either.‡ And maybe there shouldn't be deep trauma driving a wedge in a romantic relationship if you're not going to explore it through that relationship, too—physical intimacy included.

I'm still reserving some judgment. I loved the family drama and the end. (Although, again, where was the physical intimacy? No intimacy when Chloe or Lucifer return from the dead? Really?) I see where they could do awesome things, and could have done more if not for network BS.

But I no longer trust Lucifer's writers and directors. They thought S5 was the end. And what they gave us of Deckerstar, of the relationship that symbolizes health and healing in their fictional world, is this: cold distance. And they got a kick out of doing it, apparently.

If this is a "love letter" to me as a fan, I'm burning it. I can only hope S6 course corrects. If not, the writers who made these choices shouldn't write sexual minority and/or traumatized characters again. If you don't understand most of us, you should stop fucking using us.

---

* If you don't believe me about the differences between casual/short-term relationships and end-game relationships in Lucifer, go back and look at how Lucifer and Maze are with strangers in all the other seasons. Look at Chloe's sex dream, her propositioning of Lucifer in a library, her sex with Pierce in the evidence closet. Look at how much physical intimacy there is between Lucifer and Eve, and then between Eve and Maze (if only as a ploy). Across seasons, there are sex/kink jokes and scenes galore.

Compare this to how these same characters are portrayed when with their end-game loves. Notice the gentle pecks on the lips and the huge general drop in sexual humor between 5A and 5B. How boring. Where's the spice these characters had? Also, give me a damn break. Buttoning up in a relationship is contrary to four and a half seasons of emotional character work that's been communicating security in our relationships is personally freeing.

† I'm not just talking about sexual intimacy in this post, though that is a big part of it because of the characters. 5B lacked crucial found family scenes, too.

Chloe should have been at God's family dinner, but being so would have prevented more ham-fisted angst. Chloe never even has a one-on-one with God, probably because that would demand a straight answer about her miracle status, which I would guess will be used to drive yet another wedge between her and Lucifer next season, but we'll see.

In multiple before- and after-work scenes, there was no reason for Lucifer and Chloe to be apart more, even, than they were in S1 and S2. Monopoly night was in S3, for crying out loud. Most horrifying of all? No one touches Chloe after Dan's death, but Trixie. Meanwhile, Linda, Amenadiel, Ella, Maze, and Lucifer all receive physical comfort. No wonder Chloe's tired of being strong.

‡ If you don't think it's offensive that they stuffed all their wlw content for two hypersexual characters into a few clunky, irrational, and chaste scenes that rushed I love yous, a marriage-like proposal, and the mention of soulmates, I don't know what to tell you other than get off my lawn.

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ihatebnha · 3 years

Note

🦊hello! It's been while, so sorry! Life been busy. Hope everything is going well for you!

At anyrate. I just read your annoying Dilf Bakugou headcanons. And last night I read your pierced dick Bakugou posts. And idk, I might be crazy, or my weird adhd brain is at it again but hear me out.

Dilf kiri who, despite everything going for him and him not being THAT much older than you (I'm picturing like 12-15yrs. Roughly) is still a little insecure about dating and landing you! Like dating never was the easiest thing for him, probably cause the man is basically a golden retriever with shark teeth and so maybe he had a couple bad experiences with people who took advantage of him and his pro hero fame etc.

But things are going good with you, even Bakugou approves of you which is always a good sign when you can win the gremlin over! So anyway. One night he's out with you and your friends. Once again, a little bit of insecurity pops up. Just a little. Mostly cause he wonders why you aren't dating any of these guys your own age, even though you've assured him you are very very happy with him.

One way or another you and your friends and kiri end up at a piercing shop and in a small bout of alcohol fueled insecurity kiri gets his dick pierced. He wants to be fun and spontaneous with you and your friends (note, you probably walk away from this excursion with the same amount of holes and ink or lack thereof as you went into it with) so anyhow!

A few days later and poor man is horny! He loves his sexy girlfriend and he can't fuck you and getting hard hurts and it just is kinda shitty. You finally press him for why he got it in the first place and when he tells you you assure him he is fine just the way he is and doesn't need to do the stupid shit your friend do! There is a good chance that is part of the reason you do not wanna date any of them!

But you tell him he can just take it out and let it heal closed if it's so bad. But man are you happy when he decides to tough it out and keep it.

God I hope this sounds ok. I don't wanna make kiri sound like a huge bundle of insecurity but since he does have those past experiences and he'd be significantly older and stuff it seems ok. But like feel free to ignore! And don't feel like ya gotta write a bunch or anything. Just wanna share the thrist.

Mmmm Foxie, this scenario is so sweet🥺🥺🥺...

It’s also making me imagine like, dilf!Kiri who still has all his insecurities being with you, except that in this case, he actually used to be a kind of a partier... so when you end up at the piercing shop, he’s just like... “Yeah, I’ll get a piercing...” and doesn’t even flinch when thinking about OR getting it.

And when you get home and ask him about it, he’s definitely confessing he just did it not to seem like an old man, but at the same time, I can also see him pulling out a picture from his early Pro Hero (maybe with the Bakusquad 👀) days of him with nipple piercings LMAO...

But omg you’re right, he definitely regrets it a couple days in when it really hits him that keeping it means you can’t fuck (and when he complains to Bakugo, he has to laugh at him, having already been through it himself).

ON ANOTHER NOTE THO, this whole thing is making me kind of feral because now I’m thinking about dilf!Kiri being this big and strong and tough hero... who isn’t exactly insecure about himself, but definitely questions your relationship sometimes... so you really have to show him off and boss him around sometimes to get him back to his usual self.

Like whenever you go on double or triple dates with your friends, this means waving around his credit card and making him pay for everyone, or sitting on his lap very casually while you talk, arms around his neck... even making him pick you up from or drop you off at hangouts in his shiny red sportscar...

(He’s all shy when he waves to you, too.)

I don’t know, though... I just want to show him off until all my friends are jealous... and Kiri knows he’s worth it. BLEHHH.

Anyway, ily @katsukis-foxie6!!!

#kirishima x reader #kirishima #kirishima thoughts #ask #anon #caitie post #anon thoughts #🦊#sorry this took so long!!!!

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eryiss · 3 years

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Summary: Freed and Gajeel were total opposites in every way, only connected by the guild. When they were forced to train together under Makarov's orders, they expected antagonism and mistrust. Instead, they were given a lesson in how quickly opposition can turn to attraction. The issue: let the budding relationship simmer away, or let it explode. [Freed x Gajeel Multi-chapter]

Notes: Hey everyone. A bit of an emotional chapter this time, but Bickslow is involved so there’s also some relief. Hope you all enjoy it.

Links: FFN, Ao3, Chapter List

Chapter Nine - Some Time Later

One Week Later

Before the memories hit him, Freed felt a horrible sense of deja vu.

He was in the guildhall infirmary, with almost all of his energy sapped away from him, just as he had when he had first been taken to Fairy Tail. He had a feeling that there was something changed inside of him that would shape the rest of his life, just as he had after the demon had invaded his soul. He had a feeling of yearning, hoping to see someone who was destined to be a part of his life, only to be disappointed to see he was alone again. Everything was so reflective of how it had been when he'd first woken up after his first instance of possession, and it was horrible.

Of course, the memories did eventually come to him. The tournament. The twisted feeling of power that had slowly been seeping into him through the day. The lack of control that had overwhelmed him. The sudden inability to control his body. The feeling of trying to pour his magic into the demon to overwhelm it.

And then, there was Gajeel.

Gajeel had broken down every wall of defence that the demon had in place as if it were nothing. Even with the overwhelming power emanating from the fully unleashed demon, Gajeel had been able to walk towards him, and reach out to Freed. Like a light in the darkness, Gajeel had managed to drag him out of the demon's control and allowed him his autonomy again. He had managed to do something Freed had thought impossible.

The demon was gone. Gajeel had somehow burned the thing from his soul, removing it entirely. They had killed what remained of the demon together in a unison raid moments before Freed had passed out in his arms.

But, despite the importance of it all, that wasn't what Freed was thinking about.

I'm yours and yer mine.

That demon aint got a fucking claim on you.

Yer fuckin' mine.

It ain't ever hurtin' you again, y'hear me. Never

The words weren't subtle. They weren't something you could misunderstand. They weren't anything but a claim on Freed. Gajeel was stating loudly, in front of everybody in the guild - everyone that mattered to them both - that he and Freed belonged to one another.

Perhaps if it was coming from any other man than Gajeel, Freed might have felt fury. He might have felt some level of anger that Gajeel had proclaimed such a thing so publicly without so much as asking Freed, but he only felt a sense of rightness at what Gajeel had said. Of course he and Gajeel belonged to each other. How had that been in any doubt? The moment they had first laid eyes on each other, the motions were put in place to bring them into each other's arms. It was destiny.

Had Freed always been so romantic? Perhaps he had needed the right man to bring it out of him.

"Ah, you're awake," A grouchy, haggard voice cut through the silence. "You certainly took your time, didn't you?"

Freed looked towards the door of the infirmary, to see Porlyusica walking towards him. This too was how he remembered his first experience of living in Magnolia, with the impatient and impetuous woman acting as though his life was an inconvenience for her to deal with. That was something that was familiar, if nothing else.

"How long have I been unconscious?" Freed asked, and found his voice hoarse.

"Nine days," Porlyusica said, picking something up from the small table beside Freed's bed. He didn't know what it was, but it began to glow with healing magic. She turned to Freed and sighed. "Lower your covers and hold still."

Doing as instructed, Freed blushed a little when he realised he was without any clothing. The woman didn't seem bothered, and slowly began to lower the magical item over his body. It was scanning him, and he let out a gasp when the device passed over his heart. There was a sudden flood of warmth through his body, unlike anything he could ever remember feeling before. It was pleasant, but so foreign to him that he didn't know what to feel.

"Ah, good," Porlyusica said, placing the device down again.

"What was that," Freed demanded, pulling up the sheets to protect his modesty.

"I stimulated you, that magic was intended to induce a feeling of comfort and delight," She shrugged, picking up a small piece of paper that Freed assumed had his details on. "You've had that demon eating away at you from the inside for years, so you probably grew used to its influence. It has been slowly dulling your emotions for ten years. You just felt joy like the rest of us do for the first time since your possession."

What?

His emotions had been dulled?

Surely he would have noticed that. The ability to feel how he felt was something that he had always taken for granted, and he never expected it could leave him. Perhaps he had become jaded, but he had dismissed that as growing up and working in a profession where you often saw the worst of people. The demon had been responsible for that, too?

Fuck. Fuck his damn parents and the damn demon and the damn priest who had gotten him into this position. How the hell had he lost so much control of who he was without knowing it? Why had the people he loved allowed this to happen to him. His parents were meant to protect him, not to allow this.

Was this what anger felt like when not influenced by a demon? Uneducated and bitter?

"You'll acclimate," Porlyusica said, as if knowing what he was feeling. "Those friends of yours have wanted to see you since the incident. Annoying brats. I'm going to put you to sleep again, they'll no doubt be here before you wake."

"What?" Freed asked. "No, I don't intended to-"

"Quiet," Porlusica said firmly, and tapped her cane on the floor. "Sleep."

And Freed slipped away before he could protest.

——

"Hey baby," Bickslow's voice woke Freed up before his eyes were open. "Are you feeling okay?"

He didn't know how long it had been since Porlyuscia had put him to sleep, but he woke up in the same bed with the sun higher in the sky. He blinked away the light and saw that Bickslow, Evergreen and Laxus were all sitting around his bed, looking at him with expressions of mingled happiness and concern. He pushed himself off the mattress so he could sit up, wincing at the feeling of aching muscles.

With a quick glance around, he saw that Gajeel wasn't there. That didn't feel good.

"Erm, yes," Freed said in answer to Bickslow's question, his mind not working as fast as he would have liked. "I believe I am. Are you three unharmed?"

"We're not the priority, Freed," Evergreen scoffed a little at the thought, but her expression turned to one of sympathy. It was almost motherly, which was a concern coming from her. Even worse, she took his hand and squoze it as if he needed consoling. "We all saw what happened, now be honest and tell us how you're feeling."

Freed hadn't thought of that. Everyone had seen him weakened and out of control. On the brink of death…

Fairy Tail maged had seen a lot of bad things - it came with the job - but he knew that they always were more affected when it was one of their own being hurt. This could have been terrifying to watch, and he supposed that he owed them some honesty.

"I feel… drained," Freed admitted. "As if I got into the worst fight of my life. Everything is aching, my flesh feels like it's burning from the inside, but no more than normal after a difficult mission," He thought for a moment, moving his arm as if testing that he still could. Of course he could, and the feeling spread warmth though him. It reminded him of what Porlyusica said to him, and he smiled a little. "I'm lighter now. As if a burden has been lifted."

"Well that's good," Evergreen smiled. "And you're not hiding anything from us?"

"Not knowingly," Freed assured them.

"So we can start teasing you about the fact your demon ripped off your clothes and when you transformed back we all saw you naked," Bickslow grinned, and it was a clear attempt to lighten the mood. Evergreen whacked him on the arm, but he just laughed. "Because we all saw your dick, and I gotta say baby, I'm impressed with what you've got going on down there. Don't know how I went so long without seeing it."

Freed chuckled, slightly weakly. "I'd rather not be teased about it, if possible. And I was under the impression that you've started seeing someone."

"I am," Bickslow sighed dreamily, in an overly exaggerated sense of course. "And he's the most handsome man in the world. And he's better than you because he's always getting naked in public and I love it."

Freed laughed. It was good to have Bickslow in moments like this.

Evergreen and Bickslow, as they so often did, started to playfully squabble between themselves. Evergreen had said something about how the PDA between Bickslow and Gray was revolting and far too graphic for the guildhall, and Bickslow argued back saying that Ever only thought that because she didn't have the chance to do it with Elfman because they were still being secretive about their very obvious relationship. The arguments spiralled from there, and Freed watched with amusement.

His gaze drifted from the two squabbling idiots to Laxus, who was looking at him with a quiet expression of concern. When he noticed Freed looking, he curled an eyebrow as if asking if he really was feeling okay. Freed nodded, with a small smile, and Laxus seemed to deflate a little.

"Really gone, huh?" Laxus murmured.

"It seems so," Freed nodded, and that was all that needed to be said on the matter of the demon. For a moment, Freed remained quiet, but there was one thing he needed to know. "Where is he?"

Laxus sighed, ran a hand over his face, and spoke. "You not waking up was getting to him."

"That's not an answer to my question," Freed said firmly. "Where is he?"

"He needed some time away, to deal with everything," Laxus explained. "I'll find him, he'll wanna know you're okay."

"Thank you," Freed whispered, smiling a little.

"No problem," Laxus nodded, standing up.

He walked out of the infirmary without speaking to Bickslow or Evergreen, who clearly hadn't been following their conversation as they both looked perplexed. When Laxus was outside of the building, they could all see an explosion of lightning as Laxus shot off into the sky, apparently having a good idea as to where Gajeel was. Freed certainly hoped so, he needed to see Gajeel as soon as he could.

What was he going to say to him, though? Thank you for ridding me of my curse? Everything you said about belonging together I fully agree with? When you weren't here when I woke up, I realised I always want to wake up beside you?

"Wonder what that was about?" Evergreen commented, speaking about Laxus' departure and bringing Freed's focus back to the room.

"Maybe he's still pissy becuase he and Loke were the losers of the tournament," Bickslow grinned, again trying to keep the mood light. Freed looked at him with a raised eyebrow, because that was something that would certainly distract him. "Shit, you didn't know, huh? Yeah, they didn't work well together at all. It was funny. Lost by a landslide. Laxus wasn't happy about it when I reminded him he has to do a forfeit."

"I expect so," Freed smiled. "Who will be giving him the forfeit, might I ask. I assume you, since I passed out during the fight."

"Me and Gray were deemed the winners, after we were sure you were okay of course," Bickslow assured him. "But we felt it was kinda bullshit. So we thought you and Gajeel could take the money from the prize, and me and Gray get to have fun with the forfeit. That okay?"

"I suppose," Freed chuckled slightly, because almost any other person would want the money. "What have you planned for them?"

Maybe it wasn't the most relevant thing to think about at the time, but Freed wanted the distraction. The lightness of his soul, the revelation that he could truly feel his emotions to their fullness again, and the fact that Gajeel hadn't been there when he woke were all starting to pile up on top of him. A distraction, even a ridiculous one like this, was exactly what he needed. Bickslow seemed to sense this, as he spoke with gusto and joy.

"Well, I wanna have them dress up like old-timey jesters and perform shows every night of a week where they make total asses out of themselves in front of everyone," Bickslow grinned. "And my darling baby wants them to be our butlers for a week and then they have to do everything we say. We haven't decided yet."

"Surely, if you have them as your butlers, you could make them dress like jesters and perform shows as well as anything else you wish," Freed suggested, and Bickslow grinned.

"You're a genius," He exclaimed. "And instead of suits, I'll make sure they're only wearing really tight black briefs and bowties. Really give me something to look at."

Freed chuckled. This was normal, at least.

——

Gajeel needed to keep moving. He needed to keep himself moving and active and his mind away from Freed because the moment his mind did fall onto Freed it would inevitably linger on the fact that Freed wasn't awake and that Freed might not wake up and that something Gajeel had done might have ended up killing the man that had so quickly intertwined their lives together. That was a thought too awful to even consider, so Gajeel had to keep moving.

After three days of waiting for Freed to wake, Gajeel had left Magnolia. Maybe he was a coward to do so, but he didn't care. He found himself walking, and hours later he was in the forest where he trained. The same forest where he had first gotten to know Freed.

It hadn't been a good idea.

He'd been sleeping under the stars ever since. He had exercised and forced his body to the brink of exhaustion every night, because the idea of lying down and letting sleep overcome him was nauseating. He couldn't let his mind wonder because that would mean letting himself think about Freed and he couldn't do that.

Every day, his body ached. He had pushed himself further than he ever had before. He'd ran more laps of the forest than ever, swam across the lake faster and with more purpose than he could remember doing, and he had pushed the dead tree trunk further up the hill than he thought he ever could. It was all in vain, because even in the split seconds his mind might wander from the exercise to Freed, it felt as though he'd been punched in the gut, and horror flowed through him.

He couldn't take any more. Today, his body was beyond moving more than necessary, protesting against the slightest attempt to exercise. That was how he found himself sitting in the shallowest part of the river, cross legged, with his hand turned to a small blade as he whittled away at a piece of wood.

His intention had been to meditate, something he often did. But today, confronting his mind has not been possible, because they made him feel sick to his damn stomach. And so he'd reached for a nearby bit of wood, and started to carve away at it. First it had been to occupy his hands with something to stop himself from fidgeting, but the more he carved the more he got into the rhythm of it, and he quickly realised that he was carving it into something. Something for a very specific person.

A crown. A crown fit for a prince.

And fuck it, when Freed woke up - becuase he would wake up dammit - Gajeel was gonna treat him like a prince. Two weeks ago he'd given Freed shit for being pampered, but now Gajeel would give anything to be the person pampering his spoiled ass that moment. He'd bring him hot tea, make him dinner, massage his damn feet if he had to. Anything to get his prince back to him.

But for now, he had to make the crown. Because once the crown was complete, then Freed would be awake and everything would be fine. It just had to be fine. Yes, it was a ridiculous claim to make, but he had to cling onto something for hope.

He'd make Freed a real crown one day. Metal, infused with gemstones.

Freed would like that. He'd call Gajeel an idiot, but he'd enjoy it really.

Gods dammit, this was so stupid. Gajeel growled and stood up, but kept the half-made wooden crown in his hand. His body protested from the small amount of movement, but he stormed towards a nearby upturned tree that he had been resting on and slammed his fist into the bark. He did it again, and again, not turning his skin to iron so that he could feel the coarseness of the wood grazing his knuckles. He needed to feel something dammit!

"That helping you?" Laxus' voice came from behind him, and Gajeel nearly jumped at the sudden sound as he turned. Fuck, how had he missed the man approaching. "It doesn't look healthy."

"The hell are you doin' here?" Gajeel grunted. He wasn't in the mood for company. "Needed to think."

"I get that, I've been there," Laxus shrugged, leaning against the tree that Gajeel had punched and looking unwilling to move. "But he woke up, asked where you were. Thought you might get pissed off if someone didn't tell ya."

Gajeel paused.

Freed was awake.

Awake, and asking for him.

For a week, Gajeel hadn't allowed himself to think about Freed at all, and the few moments that resolve had slipped he had gone to the worst case scenario. Maybe it was some kind of bullshit defence mechanism, where if he thought only about the bad outcome then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much when it happened, but he suddenly realised that he hadn't entertained the possibility that it might be okay.

He wanted to storm back to Magnolia as quickly as he could, but stumbled a little under his feet. His legs were aching and his body objecting to any movement whatsoever. He tried to fight through it, because dammit he could make it through some pain if he got to see Freed, but he nearly fell to the ground. The only thing stopping him was Laxus.

"He's not gonna be happy if you nearly kill yourself getting to him," Laxus said, hooking Gajeel's arm over his shoulder. "The two of you are fucking idiots, you know that. You love each other to the point of self destruction."

"Love?" Gajeel muttered. "He said that?"

"He looked pretty damn heartbroken when he realised you weren't there," Laxus said, slowly walking while helping Gajeel. "It means he loves you."

"Y' think so?" Gajeel asked.

"Of course," Laxus scoffed, helping the aching man traverse the woodlands. "He's not gonna admit it yet, probably convinced himself it's too soon to say it, but it's pretty damn clear. He doesn't show his emotions very well, so the fact he's showing them about you is a big deal. And if any guy could affect him so much to make him fall in love within a week, it's you."

"Really?"

"In a week, you managed to turn hatred into a special bond, you managed to nail a unison raide, you got rid of the fucking demon that's been ruining his life," Laxus laughed. "You're it for Freed. You're the last guy he's ever gonna love because who the fuck could compare to that?"

Gajeel blushed a little. Was Sparky always this complimentary?

"Aint this the point where you say yer gonna kick my ass if I fuck around with him?" Gajeel asked, because he wasn't particularly good with his feelings and Laxus had just said a lot of things that could overwhelm Gajeel if he lingered on them for too long. "Give me the shovel talk or whatever?"

"Why the hell would I do that?" Laxus asked. "I saw how you look at him, I know you're not gonna be a dick or hurt him. And if you do, he'd deal with you himself."

Gajeel certainly agreed with that, his prince by no means needed anyone to fight his battles for him.

He found himself a little happy that he had gotten Laxus' blessing, even if he didn't think he particularly needed it. Laxus was an important part of Freed's life, and Gajeel didn't want to be the reason for any kind of rift between them. He also wouldn't have been surprised if Freed was firmly the type of man who might choose his friends over a new lover, and Gajeel respected that. So to have Laxus approve of them felt good.

"Just be good to him, okay?" Laxus said quietly, helping Gajeel pass over a branch that had fallen. "A lot of people have been shitty to him - more than he realsies - so be in his corner, okay?"

"Of course," Gajeel nodded, because he didn't need to be told that.

"But don't take any shit from him either," Laxus said with renewed volume, and apparently the seriousness of their conversation was over. "He's a cocky son of a bitch and he can pull some shit when you least expect it. If you're gonna be his boyfriend then it's your responsibility to knock him down a peg when he's being an ass."

"Kinda contradictory, don't y' think," Gajeel laughed a little.

"Trust me, you'll see just how much of an ass he can be, and you'll see what I mean," Laxus grinned at Gajeel, and Gajeel felt as though this was Laxus' way of offering Gajeel a way into his life, as well as Freed's. Gajeel grinned back, and they continued walking. After a little while, Laxus spoke again. "Now, you're gonna have to test how much you care for him now. We can either walk back like this, and get there past midnight, or go to the train station and risk a fucking train without his runes to settle our stomachs? It'll be faster, but feel shitty as hell."

"Train," Gajeel said immediately, despite his stomach groaning at the thought. "He's worth it."

——

When Gajeel saw Freed, he almost wanted to cry.

He stormed across the infirmary, and Freed looked towards him with an expression just as relieved as Gajeel was feeling. He didn't stop moving, and wrapped his arms around Freed as tightly as he could in a hug. Freed did the same, apparently his body recovered enough to deal with Gajeel's full strength. For a moment, they both clung to each other as tightly as they could, and Gajeel found solace in the scent of his lover's embrace.

Freed was alive, awake, and here. Everything was okay.

"I'm sorry," Gajeel mumbled into the crook of Freed's neck. "I should've been here when you woke up. I'm sorry."

"You're here now, that's all that matters," Freed whispered, and the hoarseness of his voice made Gajeel feel like shit. Freed seemed to notice, as he pulled away and cupped Gajeel's chin firmly. "I've been tortured by a demon for all of my adult life, and you have gotten rid of that. Not being at my side the moment I woke up is entirely forgivable."

"Should've been here," Gajeel argued, pressing his forehead against Freed's.

"I don't mind," Freed whispered again, leaning up and pressing his lips against Gajeel's in a chaste kiss. "So long as you're here now, I don't mind."

Gajeel leant down further, and pressed their lips together again. He pushed into Freed slightly to deepen the kiss, and his inner dragon purred at the feeling of Freed kissing him again. One night with the man had been enough for Gajeel to know that Freed was special, and that no kiss would be as good as a kiss from Freed. He had been wanting nothing but to feel the man against him again, and to have it finally happen was euphoria.

When they pulled apart, Freed was smiling at Gajeel with a lovestruck expression that looked so good on him. Gajeel would have loved to keep Freed in that moment, because such an expression could only be achieved when someone was feeling bliss. Freed was blissful looking at Gajeel!

"Lie with me," Freed requested. Gajeel didn't need to be told twice.

He maneuvered his tired body into the bed - resisting the urge to make a comment about Freed's nude state - and rested against the headboard. Freed shifted slightly, and leant against Gajeel, nuzzling into his chest with a yawn. So fucking cute.

For what seemed like forever, they stayed like this. Just the two of them, together again and breathing and alive and happy. Gajeel would happily live the rest of his life in that moment, with Freed in his arms and with comfort filling his soul. This was a level of contentment that Gajeel had never felt before, and he was unwilling to let it go. Freed was going to be his for as long as Gajeel could fight for him.

"I meant it, y'know," Gajeel murmured, pressing his lips to Freed's ear. "I wanna be yours. I want you to be mine. I meant everything I said."

"I know you did," Freed smiled, looking up. "I want to be yours too. I want to wake up beside you every morning, and kiss you goodnight every night."

Gajeel couldn't help but grin, lean forward and press their lips together again. Freed was his. He was Freed. In each other's arms, they fell asleep. Content, happy, and in love.

#Gajeed #Freedjeel #freed x gajeel #freed justine #gajeel redfox #fairy tail #fanfic #writing #multi chapter #chapter nine #word count: 4.4k

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blindbeta · 3 years

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Hi! First off, I'd like to say your blog has been an amazing resource and thank you for all the feedback you've given people. I'm writing a sci-fi/fantasy story and one of the protagonists is blind due to having no eyes. They are not human and the "no eyes" thing is not considered normal for their species. Their parents are well-meaning but horribly ableist to the point of funding a corrupt research facility in exchange for a possible "cure". I wanted to use this because I think it helps illustrate an aspect of their people's culture that needs to change as well as the desperation, misguided as it may be, to "help" a loved one, which is a theme that comes up later. However, looking at it again, I'm not sure how appropriate that is, given how damaging real life ableism is and how I am not disabled myself. I was also wondering what your thoughts are related to the kind of blind jokes where the joke has more to do with someone else forgetting the blind character can't see, like in Avatar

Blind Character With No Eyes, a Bit of Info on Prosthetic Eyes, Ableist Parents Who Want a Cure, and Possible Blind Jokes

Hi anon! Thanks for your question. I have helped someone with a similar question before, so I’ll use some of the same resources and if you need more help, feel free to ask.

I’m not sure how I feel about the no eyes thing. Personally I would prefer to see prosthetic eyes used in media more. If this character was born with no eyes, it might be okay, but generally the loss of eyes can affect the bone structure of the face. So, with that in mind, I assume this would also be a risk of being born with no eyes. Depending on the type of creature this character is, you might be able to deal with this if you account for it in the narrative. At the very least, they might have a ‘comforter’ put in to support the structure of their face.

Since this character is not human, it is up to you. If you go the prosthetic eyes route, you can make it more relatable for blind readers, especially because prosthetic eyes are uncommon in sci-fi creatures. I don’t have a prosthetic eye myself, but here is an FAQ about the process of getting a prosthetic eye. These fake eyes do cost a lot, but if the character’s parents fund a research facility, I don’t think it would be a problem. Joy Ross also has videos of her prosthetic eyes on YouTube. Her channel was suggested to me by a follower I helped with some prosthetic eye research.

As always, I suggest having at least one other blind character at minimum.

If you decide to continue with the no eyes thing, I would advise researching animals born with no eyes and seeing what happened with them. You might be able to research humans as well, but I don’t know how human-like your character is. You can also research how to write changes in bone structure due to a lack of eyes. If you don’t, the lack of changes should be explained somehow in the story. If you go this route, I would suggest adding more blind characters aside from the main character. My suggestion is at least two other blind characters with different kinds of blindness, but if you can add more, that would help.

As for the cure part, I like the focus on ableism and the ableism in wanting a cure for their blind child. I think it is a nice contrast to the prevalent cure narrative. It could also possibly help readers see how common and upsetting this can be, how wanting a cure when your child doesn’t tells them they aren’t accepted as they are and that their bodily autonomy is not respected as it should be. I will say that this is a very sensitive subject in real life and will require not only nuance, but also a few sensitivity readers. @sensitivityreaders should be useful.

This type of parenting is surprisingly common even if it takes different forms. It can be unwanted religious healing, discouraging blind kids from using a cane or reading Braille, assuming the child wants to be cured, limiting what the child is allowed to attempt, and surgeries. I have experience with many of these myself from different areas of my life, although not as much from my parents.

The sensitive part comes in with how you portray the parents. They should be relatable, but still portrayed as in the wrong. Because even loving their child does not mean they cannot be ableist, especially because their society, like ours, wouldn’t tell them they are wrong. The cure narrative is so prevalent that non-disabled people think it’s okay because they would want a cure for their disability if they had one. The reality is that, unless it causes them pain, many people with physical disabilities do not wish for a cure. A cure may even be impossible or painful for them and hoping for one might decrease their chances of getting aids they need or managing their disability or condition in a way that works best for them.

For example, would the parents discourage the character from using a cane while they wait for this cure? And is there even a cure for such a condition? There certainly isn’t one in real life.

As for if you should continue with the parental ableism plot, I’m not sure. Part of me thinks you could pull it off if you have a lot of sensitivity readers (with as many blind readers as possible). I also think having a few blind characters with supportive, accepting parents would be helpful. I also feel like it might be one of those stories I really like it if it is portrayed well. It isn’t that I think non-blind people shouldn’t write such a thing, but this is also one of those times where I don’t know what the wider community thinks either. And this could go badly if not handled well.

However, we also don’t see this type of story as often, with the cure being portrayed as obviously bad. With parents who are otherwise loving being portrayed as ableist because they want to cure their child. Something that is normally portrayed as a good thing by writers who don’t know what they’re doing.

I would suggest avoiding parents being otherwise abusive, forcing or coercing the character into surgeries, and otherwise taking away any of their bodily autonomy. This has real life consequences and I know I don’t want to read about it from the point of view of someone who has never experienced it. I also don’t want to see the character face unnecessarily physical altercations or violence or medical trauma.

I personally would feel better if this was just an emotional or mental thing. I don’t want to see the character get hurt or be forced into anything. It sounds like you aren’t planning on anything like that, but I wanted to share all my thoughts just in case they are helpful to you or anyone who is reading. I would also feel better if, after publishing this and being paid, you were able to donate a bit of your author rates to organizations for blind people in your country. Assuming you are going that route. If not, you could simply share some helpful links along with your story, both resources and educational links for people who aren’t disabled.

If you decide to write this plot, I’m going to say it should be fine for me personally as long as you also have sensitivity readers and have other blind characters (more than one extra) who has non-ableist parents.

In terms of the extra blind characters, here is my thinking so you have it all together. You need:

-at least 1 other blind character at minimum to avoid tokenism, if you don’t have 1 already.

-if you go with the no eyes thing, at least 2 other blind characters who have eyes.

-if you go with the prosthetic eyes, at least 1 other blind character.

-at least 2 other blind characters with accepting, supportive parents who aren’t ableist

That is the minimum. I always encourage as many blind characters as you would like to include.

Back to the parents plot. I wish I could give you a straight answer. Unfortunately I’m not sure myself. I would like to open this to any blind or otherwise disabled people who would like to share their thoughts on a non-disabled person writing a plot such as this. Should they write this or should it be more ownvoices? What might help you feel better about this if they decided to do it?

As for the jokes, I would proceed with caution. I thought they worked well in Avatar, but that was a specific situation and in real life those kinds of jokes can sometimes be cruel. To be fair, the characters always made it a point to apologize to Toph in the show. In real life, some of the jokes or reprimands I get are about how I should see something because it is right in front of my face. This can be embarrassing for me.

Can it be done well? Yes. Do I want to see everyone attempt it? No.

I wouldn’t mind if the blind character made some jokes themselves, but I would keep these to a minimum.

However, if you would really like to include a joke or two, you can always run them by a few sensitivity readers and see how they read. Some jokes might do well in specific situations and some might not. Jokes are pretty easy to edit in and out, so, as you write, I suggest making note of the joke and running it by sensitivity readers.

Here’s a post on blind jokes. It can be one of those things where if it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it can stand out in a bad way and even seem cruel or uninformed if it isn’t called out as such. I don’t know if this will help, but here is another post I made, although this is about strangers who haven’t met blind people or have and still don’t know much about them, but make jokes anyway.

So, to wrap this up, I’ll leave you with this. Some of the information here isn’t as concrete as you may have liked. I can’t give you an answer for some of it. But if you are open to listening, that will show. Having a lot of different blind characters can help with almost any trope with a few exceptions, and getting multiple sensitivity readers will also help.

Good luck on planning your project!

-BlindBeta

#blind #ableism #the cure trope #the cure narrative #blind jokes #prosthetic eyes #blind characters eye conditions #blind characters ; eyes #writeblr community #writing blind characters #blind sensitivity reader

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exclipssesss · 4 years

Text

You're perfect, no matter what he says about you. [x reader]

Headcanons of all my current fav characters from different fandoms. This was supposed to be something just to emotionally heal me. So this does kinda based off real life experience, except the part where the bois comfort me, man why can't i buy these guys in ebay as my legal husbands?

Characters involved: Alastor [Hazbin Hotel], Lafayette [Hamilton The Musical].

Would probabpy make part two with other characters uwu

Warnings: Cursing, Physical abuse, Parental abuse, The mention of Anxiety.

Summary: S/o never had a great relationship with their dad, and after another fight (which ended horribly wrong) someone decided to comfort them.

Alastor.

Hazbin Hotel.

You were in the Hotel, coolio. Basically you were chilling on the couch when suddenly you fell asleep, and after a few hours passed you woke up to find yourself in your room with blankets covering you, you were confused on how you get there.

You then get out of bed and noticed charlie calling you, probably a new demon that wanna check into the hotel.

You saw a demon that is kind of similar to you but wAy more big and looked kind of scary, he was holding a cigarette. At first you shrugged it off since having the same form of a demon can both mean you guys have made the same sin, or you are related.

You didn't really mind it at first until you asked him to sign in to the hotel, and he looked at you as if you're stupid. He laughed that everyone draws their attention to the both of you, you laughed with him to avoid being awkward.

"You do realize that i am nowhere wanting to go to this stupid ass hotel right? Pathetic, demons wanting to do some redemption just to go to heaven? They can't even take their own consequences of being a dick. Yeah no bitch, i ain't going to this hotel, especially if it filled with pussies"

You stumbled back, he was similar to you but is nothing like you. Yes you swore, a lot, but not this harsh. He basically scowls at you and you just gave him a light glare back. He didn't seem to notice it tho.

Then, it snapped inside your head. No wonder his voice was so familiar. You looked at him and took the chance to find out, if it is true, then you're probably double dead. But you convince yourself that even if he tries to hurt you, you were at the hotel, someone is bound to help you.

"Um, oh, i forgot to introduce myself.. I'm [Y/n] [L/n], nice to meet you.. Sir.."

And you were right. His eyes was wide for a second before it was replaced with disgust, he yanked your hand and you almost lost your balance.

"Of-fucking-course you are. Now wonder your voice reminds me of some bitch. No surprise seeing you here in hell tho, you were always nothing but a disappointment. Even god thinks so."

You basically trembled as eyes were sticking on both you and your "father". He then let's go of you harshly and you stumbled back before falling, demons around weren't helping either. Although some of them gave you pitiful looks, so you decided that maybe they just too scared to interfere. I mean, you would too.

"See? Pathetic. Even as a demon you're trash, and now you're trying to do this whole hotel thing? HahaA--"

Something pulled your dad back, and he was met by a pair of a sickeningly dark pair of eyes that you've known too well.

"Excuse me sir, but I'm pretty sure that that kind of behaviour is not allowed here."

Your "father" was surprised to see Hell's one of the most powerful demons defending you, he almost gives out a somewhat proud smirk, only for it to turn into a scoff. Thankfully, he was decent enough not to mess with Alastor, as he immediately got out the doors and hopefully not coming back.

"My dearest, are you alright?" oh and he comforts you throughout the day too, he almost swears to kill your dad (if that's even possible) but you immediately told him not to.

Either way, he is precious and would do anything for you. Would recommend getting yourself an Alastor, 10/10.

Marquis de Lafayette.

Hamilton: an American musical.

Hamiltime.

(I'm changing the writing style just becuz I'm in the mood)

You just got back from a long day hanging out with the Schuyler Sisters, and also the boys of course. Funnily enough, you and Peggy get along really well, and for the boys? Lafayette's definitely your favorite. Actually he's more than just your 'favorite', you're not even sure yourself, you just felt safe and nice inside when you're around him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

A familiar deep voice that you've been scared for so long spoke up, you stopped dead on your tracks, trying to look calm. You then turned around to be met with a pair of deadly sharp and dark eyes piercing through you, in which you quietly gulped in response.

"I'm sorry i came back late, dad. I was with the Schuyler Sisters and-"

"You really think I'll believe that lying mouth of yours?"

Those words caught you off guard since you are, for a fact, not lying. You really were with Angelica and the others, and so you gave him your 'what are you talking about?' face, and he did not like that. He approached you, and you slowly but surely walked backwards, in hopes of getting away from him. When he was only a few inches from you, he spoke up again.

"Don't you fucking lie to me, who was that man with you? Who the fuck was he?" His voice low with growl as he fixed his sight to yours. You took another gulp of your own spit as he was starting to push you into a corner.

"I wasn't lying! I really was with The Sisters, that boy is just one of ou-"

Slapped

You could feel the hot print on your left cheek as it was burning with pain from the sudden hit, you hold it with your arm. This time you had enough, it was enough living in a world where girls don't have any rights, and you were absolutely not gonna let this man use that against you. Even if he is your blood.

"I'll ask you again, and this time i want an answer, not a rambling about some nonsense you pulled out of your ass."

You looked at him dead in the eye before finally giving an answer.

"Marquis de Lafayette. There, you have it. May i go now?" You said with disgust and anger lacing in every word. This made your so called dad shut up, before forcefully yanked you away. You ran to your room and find yourself falling asleep while crying, at this point all you wanna do was die. With all the smell of cigarettes and alcohol, you basically almost puked, and you still can't believe your mom left you with him. When you woke up, you checked the time. 11:36. At this rate, you could barely sleep again, and you didn't want to be in a house with that jerk anyways, so a brilliant-yet-kinda-dumb idea came to mind. You got out of the house quietly, you didn't want to even try spending the night there anymore, and to be honest, you didn't know where to go.

You could visit the Schuyler Sisters, yes, but going to the Schuyler Mansion at this time of night? Maybe not. You couldn't go to one of the boys' house either, that's just weird. And you didn't want to look like slut. So your thoughts just came to that one place, the place you and the rest of the gang met. The place where you and Lafayette met. The bar. Plus it's open twenty/four hours so it's not like you'll be trespassing.

And so you did what you thought you did. You go there, at first you thought that you would probably be alone in the bar considering how late it is, and that's a good thing considering the red burning mark on your cheek haven't left yet. But nope. The bar was actually kinda noisy, you looked inside to see Alex and his friends there getting drunk, and so you tried to avoid eye contact and go back outside. Well that was your plan until a certain drunk frenchman called you out.

"Mon amie, (Y/n)! Why are you here at this time of night? A beautiful mademoiselle like you shouldn't do that~" Lafayette slurred almost every word as he is drunk. You stopped dead on your tracks and turned around to smile at them, using your hair to cover the bruises left on your cheek. As you looked closely, you could see that Alexander is probably the only sober one out of the group, and not actually drunk.

"Yeah (Y/n), why are you here? Oh, you can come join us if you want to." Alex, the only stable one at the moment continued.

"That's a great idea Al! Come, mon amie! I'll buy you a drink."

Lord tell me how to say no to this-- But seriously, you wanted to go so badly but you barely even could walk out the moment you saw that smile. And so you just had to walk back, which all the boys cheered on.

"What's wrong, (Y/n)? You're awfully quiet,"

"Yeah, most of the time you're basically the one who can't shut up."

"Yo, talk if you want a free booze."

And yet you kept silent, although a silent chuckle can be heard only by yourself did rang through your ears. The boys were starting to get worried, especially with your new hairdo that covered half of your face.

"Huh, someone's actually denying free booze, something is wrong" Hercules said as he rubbed his nonexistent beard, Laurens just tried to swipe your hair away but you quickly slapped his hands away as soon as it was near your face.

"Sheesh, no touching your new hair, i get it. No need to slap me for it." He said with almost looks like a pout, this time the frenchman was asking you questions, and you didn't want to answer. But in the same time, you don't have the heart to ignore him.

"(Y/n), please, tell me what's wrong.. Why are you covering your face?" and now, you also wanted to die. That face, that damned face, god why can't you just ignore it like anyone else's? You let out a sigh as you finally lets all those emotions loose. Tears were pouring down your face almost as fast as Hercules chugging down a beer, and you could barely took any control of them. You buried your face in Laff's shoulder, him petting your head as you realease all your burdens and tears at the same time. The others were stunned, but is confused on what to do, so they just wait for you to stop crying before saying anything that could make you more emotional, if that's even possible.

You wiped your tears, and when you go to wipe the remaining liquid on your left eyes, you unconsciously exposed the big red mark on your left cheek. Boy, little did you know that they'll immediately turn into interrogators in less than a minute.

"(Y/n). What is this?" Hercules' voice rang first with what seems like anger, second came Alex, with his voice that sounded way more than just 'worried'.

"Who the fuck did this?" He said as he tried to put your hair behind your ear, you avoided his touch and just sinks more into Lafayette's embrace, who's weirdly being quiet through this, although his gaze didn't seem to left you at all.

"(Y/n), Let us take a look. I can't believe someone actually did that to you." It's true, you never told anyone about your 'daddy issues', you didn't want to gain any pitty. Time went on and it's almost One AM now, Laff's gaze didn't seem to have left you, in fact, they were stern, it didn't helped the fact that he haven't said anything in the past hour.

You ended up getting cornered and so you told them, about everything that was happened last night. They. Were. Furious. It didn't surprise you though, if your friend were going through the same thing, you'd probably ready to murder someone too.

"(Y/n), does zis 'ave something to do with me?" You immediately flinched. The reason you were slapped was because you didn't want to tell your dad about Lafayette, and he basically could see it through you. He immediately cursed himself, blaming everything that he thought he did wrong. With a little explanation and help from Alex and the others, you got him to calm down and kissed him in his cheek. In which he responds with a blush acrossed his face.

In the end, Lafayette asked you to stay with him for a while and said it was "the least he could do." Basically you were treated like a princess, nothing major happened other than cuddles and venting, he would pat your head and hold you close when you started crying. Sometimes he would kiss your forehead and says sweet nothings to you. He insisted to sleep on the couch while you took the bed, and ever since, the guys would act like your brothers, especially Laurens and Mulligan, they would actually shower you with new dresses and act proud whenever you and Lafayette had "a step forward". (They became your personal wingmans too.)

Not long after, The schuylers took you in, or more like - dragged you in. Philip Schuyler had left the Mansion to his daughters, and so which give them the opportunity to make you their roommates. You four would just chill at night and trash talk your dad when wanted to. (courtesy of big sis Angie™).

Alex on the other hand, was determined to make your dad looked like a fool, even though you told him countless times that he didn't need to do that. He would write about your dad with headlines like "Man Treats Daughter Worse Than Slave" or something like that. In which you laughed about, somehow you still feel bad about the amount of hate your dad gives, but you also feel as if he deserves it for hitting you all those years.

The last but not least, Lafayette. The man asked you out after you moved with the Schuylers, he said he's lonely now that you're not with him and he missed you, he also said that was the time he realized he had feelings for you. You immediately said yes and have been courting with him ever since. Honestly he's just the embodiment of love and cuddles, and you love him for every support he gave you.

#Lafayette x reader #Hamilton x reader #Hamilton fics #Lafayette scenarios #Alastor x reader #Alastor imagines #Hazbin hotel x reader #Hazbin hotel imagines #The radio demon #Vivziepop #Lin-Manuel Miranda #Fics #X readers #Angst #Angsty x reader #Self insert

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atendersun-archived · 3 years

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"People don't love you 'now' because you've 'learned how to be good' or anything like that. You've just finally found people that appreciate you for the person you are and that you've always been. Are you still suffering from trauma and having a hard time really getting to find out who you TRULY are and the person you want to be? Sure. But so are the rest of us. Even if we get mad or frustrated it doesn't mean we're going to stop loving you, or want to hurt you. You are, and always were, deserving of love. Don't forget that."

After all the countless few second long videos he watched on the daily, the terms associated with healing were very familiar to him. Life was much simpler when he lived his everyday life endlessly hoping for the minimum only to accept less than that out of concern of being perceived as either toxic, or too much for not doing so. Being informed by those present in his adult life, or those he listened in on through his cellular device, however, forcibly taught him that he wrongfully tolerated more than he should have for so many years. It was very hurtful to have no choice but face the tragic reality that not only had he missed out on what he desperately wished for as a young man, but that all it should have been provided to him without having to meet other obligations.

For so long, he had just thought that maybe the reason he always seemed to feel like an onlooker of what he ached for instead of being surrounded it in himself was because he may have unknowingly exerted all his chances by crying too frequently as a teenager, or for seeking comfort far too often that there was no more left to give. That was the explanation he provided to himself as to why guilt sometimes lived where forgiveness and communication should have resided instead, and why that did not seem the case for those in his life who were showered in endless affection. Of why he often was left to overanalyze as to why his needs were not being met in the form of jotting down note after note in a notebook who's front cover was fully decorated with stickers, whereas friends of his in the same age bracket were beckoned into open arms for some of the same circumstances that he had to work through on his own.

Perhaps it was because he had been too immature by comparison to them for having a youthful face and interests that bordered on childish more than they did traditional hobbies. Or at least that had been what was told consistently when attempt to build close bonds with people that made it very clear that they didn't want him around nearly as much as he hoped they did. Numerous core memories had been implanted in his brain of instances where he observed from a distance people being treated with kindness by either those that ignored him, or were involved with them by some level of association. One, for example, was how absolutely hurtful the comments and actions directed him by an old friend seemed to be all he was worth receiving, meanwhile a friend who bore a striking resemblance to him had a far different experience with the same vampire. For them, they were fortunate enough to be welcomed into open arms, and presented with kisses to the head from lips he wished provided him with that same level of platonic kindness. Instead, all he received from them were some of the most devastating words that he still carried with him so many years later.

Another, though one that he knew he should have moved on from for having been even more years into the past than the previous, was how heart wrenching it was to be denied only touch, but even just a comforting gaze, when approaching the people he put on a pedestal back in his youth with a secret that he hoped they would have made better just as they did in general by just spending time with him. In a logical, more mature way of thinking, he knew that the emotions behind those he believed to be the closest to him would yell at him, or avoid holding him as if he were something disgusting, or bad, were done in the heat of the moment. The hurt child that still lingered with him, however, was still so deeply impacted by the fact that he seemed to be punished more than protected for something he swore he had not wanted to happen was so integrated into him that when similar attacks on his person were made years later, he no one just in case he gave those he wanted to see him as good more of a reason to think ill of him for continuing to be incapable of protecting himself.

What had only made those times worse for the male who wanted so horribly to be saved, was how even though so many of them had let him down, intentionally or otherwise, he played through the motions of calling out the names inside his head of those that he still held onto the belief would someday care about him the same way he cared about them just as long as he proved himself to be deserving of it. Maybe then, he thought, there could have been arms for him to reach out to when something was scary, or made him sad, and there would not have been any worry over how many times he may have been allowed to do so before those arms refused to open at all for him. By then, his dream of never having to endure something that made him feel alone wouldn't have been a possibility because finally people would have loved him enough to want him around.

Aching for what he wished had always been present for him as a young man who could have very seriously benefited from the stability and security offered by having more consistent people in his life to show him he was worth more than he had been made to believe he was, the man clung onto her and wept for a life he had been deserving of long before it finally arrived. To the best of his abilities, he tried to remain coherent through sobs already at risk of being muffled into fabric, the man attempted to work his way through his woes with her to aid him only with her company.

Caught between something akin to regression brought on by allowing the boy of himself he attempted to hide with little success the freedom to feel unseen, and a man made to feel what it was to merge with the sensations that came with mentally granting permission for it to occur with it in the first place, he tried to speak out the emotions brought on by the rapid movements going on inside his skin to the best of his abilities. To not over explain in the hopes of ensuring that his feelings were given enough reference to be accepted, but to also not become so caught in his throat that his frustrations over being misunderstood, or misinterpreted, would have just upset him even more. In few little words with so much weight riding on them, he asked to her, "The whole time, Neffie? No.. no matter what?"

#cosmicstardreamer #tw long post

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