oleanderblume

[oleanderblume]

I just....I just learned that there's a word in the English language...for when you run into someone to hug them with all the enthusiasm and strength you have....I learned that it's called glomp.

My God, English has so many words to describe physical intimacy, I'm in love

[oleanderblume]

in the hour or so it took me to draw this op turned reblogs off

[oleanderblume]

No see results option, I'm forcing you to perceive yourself. rb for more results pls

#neither i am a dweeb

[oleanderblume]

[oleanderblume]

It makes me happy when they listen

[oleanderblume]

fucking crazy. mating ritual is just unwashed pussy and balls so potent you can smell it . we are freaks

[oleanderblume]

[oleanderblume]

If I got sent into the pre-cellphone past:

First get fabulously wealthy, Back To The Future Style

Create and sell a line of shampoos, lotions, and other similar products whose gimmick is specifically that every bottle has an entire sci-fi short story included on the label in very small print for people to read when they're stuck in the bathroom and bored (again: pre-cellphone. There was a lot of shampoo-bottle-reading)

Several short stories would include ridiculously outlandish little details-- the Tesla tunnel death trap, the Trump presidency, remote learning during the lockdown-- that are just written off as sci-fi silliness.

Time marches on. There's now a subreddit about people who collect vintage bottles from that one weird short story shampoo brand, who swear up and down that it's telling the future

[oleanderblume]

#depends on your family dynamics #i am simultaneously forgotten while also being the primary scapegoat of the family #i am..not well liked

[oleanderblume]

When my brothers and I were little, there was a tiny playground across our house, and at one point there was a wasp's nest right next to it. I remembered messing around and getting stung, but not the whole context. I brought it up with my mom and apparently this was the order of events:

My little brother got stung first because he was sitting too close. He comes home crying, and me and our other brother are like "those wasps STUNG our brother? We have to avenge him." So we get dressed up as warriors and bring plastic swords with us to the playground. Our mom warns us not to mess with the wasp's nest and we're like "we won't!"

So we leave and immediately start messing with the wasp's nest. It's down low, so after thwacking it we put rocks in the way of the entrance, and the wasps start to freak out. Of course we got stung and came home crying.

Our dad gets home around the same time, and our mom explains what happened. Instead of lecturing us on why you shouldn't mess with wasp's nests, he's like "those wasps STUNG my kids? I have to avenge them."

So he grabs a caulk gun and goes to leave, and our mom is like "PLEASE don't mess with the wasp's nest" and he's like "I won't."

5 mins later he comes back and is like "I got stung."

[oleanderblume]

one time i told a guy with a huge punisher decal on his car that i loved the punisher but that i'm too scared to have any of his merch because in the current political climate i wouldn't want people to think i support killing police and the man had. no response whatsoever. he was smiling and completely frozen in place. i'd never seen anyone bluescreen that hard

do with this information what you will

[oleanderblume]

[oleanderblume]

[oleanderblume]

comment on a video about boeing saying something more people should be aware of: corporations do a cost-benefit analysis on human life regularly. lack of serious consequence for corporate negligence will always result in that analysis determining the deaths are worth the profit.

[oleanderblume]

[oleanderblume]

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

[oleanderblume]