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karlynmaness · 2 years

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In all of my hope, there is a dark cloud of doubt. I fear that you have given up on me, given up on the fact that I’m real and trying my best to find you. How many soulmates have given up on true love because they grew tired of waiting, grew tired of being alone? The morning dew touches my skin as I stand on the balcony of now, drinking my coffee with the sunrise, and think of what it must be like to wake up in your embrace, what it must be like to know you, to feel you stir in an apartment we call home, to see a city riddled with memories of us shining out the window. My love, this is me trying everyday for you, for me, for us. Please don’t give up. I’m out here. I promise. I’ll find you.

Missed Connections // Karlyn Maness

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karlynmaness · 2 years

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It happened again today, the heartstring tying you to me pulled across space and time. The sun kissed the sea as I felt the flutter touch my soul. I wonder how you do it, how you reach across the void to find me at the most opportune times. The universe knows we haven’t met yet, your gravity is something I would know, something I would recognize, but you find me nonetheless. You find me on the darkest nights as my heartbeat slows, when I can’t reason with life for one more second, one more breath. You find me when the voices in my head trap me in their cage, and I fear these chains will be the last thing I’ll ever know. You find me when the first snow has fallen, and all I can think about is what’s been lost when the path ahead becomes nothing more than an eternal frost. Then, there’s your warmth pulling the string to keep me from letting go, to keep me from succumbing to my own cold. You hold me in a way no one else can, embracing my spirit, guiding me forward with a steady beat. Maybe it’s not that hard to believe that you’re out there after all, unraveling the string that leads from you all the way to me. And I wonder and I wonder and I wonder if you feel me too. Do I have the same effect on you?

Heartstrings // Karlyn Maness

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karlynmaness · 2 years

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I look in the mirror, and all I see are the women lost to time. We share a familiar gaze with eyes of ocean blue lost in a current so deep we’ve forgotten how to breathe, but oh, how we scream. Her life was forgotten along the way, erased for a role she was obliged to play, a contract bound from breath to stone. Rattling cages and rattling bones, she begs and begs for what we’re owed, for what she gave so that I might have a fraction of the hunger that drove her mad. With her soul passed on, she haunts my every want. What more could this world give: a lover and a husband she bled red. How they love to tell the tale of the murderess they hung for being female. No trial could save her now, but alas justice prevails. Her brunette locks run down my spine, staking her claim at what’s mine. With each gaze, she speaks to me, defying the confines of history. Hidden in her demise of deep blue siren eyes, I know the truth. They burned the witch for heresy, insisting she brought men to their knees, out of bitter pride, Lilith in disguise, but we all know that’s a lie because freedom only comes at a price, so she paid them her due, and they killed her without the proof, and without knowing what her descendants could do when they stumbled upon their crimes. We’ll burn down the world in her name, for filled in all of our rage are the women lost to time, united are the daughters of the night.

Women Lost to Time, Daughters of the Night // Karlyn Maness

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karlynmaness · 2 years

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The first snow fell today. The last of the leaves have yet to go, but even that couldn’t stop the frost. The pain burdens my bones, aching with the looming cold, as I gather what’s left of the firewood on the porch. Surely, if you were going to burn us down, you would’ve left more kindling than this.

It’s temporary, I remind myself. Temporary, until you return the warmth to our hearth. Temporary, until you find whatever calls to you in the wild isn’t worth our love. It’s all temporary. You wouldn’t leave me with just this, a few dozen logs and a box of matches, as winter presses on. Devastation. You wouldn’t lead me to my own devastation. I’m worth more than that. And you know it too.

The fire crackles inside, a blaze illuminating the darkness. It shines for you, my love. A beacon in the night, I keep it alight to guide you. For when you return, you will need the warmth too. How cold must it be where you are? How lonely was autumn with flaming reminders of me? Are you lost, my dear? Are you lost in a sea of concrete and a mirage of freedom? Does my fire not burn bright enough for you to see? That must be why you’re not here, why you have yet to arrive. You’ve lost your way.

Follow the wilting meadows, for they all lead to our cabin in the woods. Follow the weeping willows, for our tears have forged the path home. Follow the weathered trail, for my footprints in the fresh snow will show you where I am. I’m here in the enchanted forest that dies to bloom again. I never left us, and I wait for you.

I pace the creaking wood floors. Along the walls, all I see are reminders of you. I’ve painted every crevice of this house. I’ve painted the space between me and you with a colorful future, full of hope, full of memories, it’s all still ours. How beautiful our canvas is as it bleeds for reality, as it craves your flesh and blood to give it life. I wait for you to breathe your essence into our dreams. I wait for you to tell me it was me you wanted all along, not some Godforsaken fantasy I could never compete with. Me. I’m the dream you desire so wholly your ego fights against our fate. I wait for you to defeat whatever you must to be here, present and unwavering in our truth.

And I wait. And I wait. And I wait.

The lake has frozen over, and the snow continues to fall as I trek the path each morning. Three logs and two matches, that’s all that’s left of my salvation. There’s been no sign of you for months, the ache now a radiant wound, tearing at my hope. I’ve grieved for the living, but never quite like this, never for someone so close to my heart I can feel us beating in time. I used to close my eyes to see your face as clear as day, but now your image only brings me pain. You haunt these walls with the promises I cling to. The life I wanted is painted on these walls, a ghost in the night that tears at my sanity. You left me to my demise.

A nightmare, my love, you’ve turned us into a nightmare. I can’t wait any longer for you to come back. It’s time. It’s time to end the pain you’ve caused and take back what is mine.

Reminders of us remain frozen in this place as I call to you in the void, as I clasp the idea of peace between thawing hands. A siren song fills the silence as I wait once more. How much time you have given me to think, my love. And I think. And I think. And I think about how your burning sun left me to die. You took my warmth and left me to freeze for eternity. You stole my youth and ran away into the wild when it was convenient too. You were our undoing, over and over and over again. I tended to our flame until the ash stole each breath like it was my last.

Maybe it will be, and now it’ll be yours too.

Reminders of Me. Reminders of You. Reminders of Us. // Karlyn Maness

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karlynmaness · 2 years

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We Scream in Silence // Karlyn Maness

For women, non-binary people, and trans people fighting for their right to choose. For all who have to fight for the right to their bodies and may share in the same frustrations as I, we scream in silence.

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karlynmaness · 2 years

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These veins are filled with words, a thousand sentences left unspoken. They beat through each chamber, echoes of who I am and who I was all coursing through every part of my being. Love comes along like a blade, asking us to cut upon ourselves and endure the pain of vulnerability. I fear the story that pours from these ink veins will be too much for you. I can see those hazel eyes begging to know me, know these words, and I will bleed out before I could ever sew myself back together again if I pick up that knife now. Some cuts span mere inches, but they go deeper than you could ever imagine. You, you’d be the undoing of me.

A Story Written in Crimson // Karlyn Maness

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karlynmaness · 2 years

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I have never been one to show my love through gentle means. As a child, I’d run through fields of milkweeds and primrose, searching for something that could hold my attention longer than anything had before, something everlasting. I’d pick flowers of blue and flowers of gold, until I found the flowers of pink beyond where I was supposed to go. Then, I’d watch them die and wonder why my love and adoration couldn’t keep them alive.

As the sun began to fall into the trees, my last hope for something that could survive even me laid between dirty knuckles, like claws daring death to find us once more. I tiptoed around the pond towards the house I called home that summer. With each step, I watched as tiny sparks erupted from the ground. Was it the sun’s last stand to preserve her dying light, break herself into a thousand pieces so she can still shine?

The primrose fell from my hands as I reached and reached for my eternity. I had never seen a day without the sun, surely she wouldn’t leave me too. With a single piece buried in my fist, I ran as fast as I could. My forever, I couldn’t let her go, not until she was safe inside, in a place that could be ours. I locked the door and turned down the lights, just enough to see the firefly burn for me one last time. I was so scared to lose her, I held her too tight.

When death touches your life at a young age, mortality is what you know, and forever is what you dream. The older I got, the more I could see people are like fireflies on a Kansas night. We are a million delicate lights shining among the darkness, and all it takes is one person holding on too tight in the name of love to extinguish our flame.

Fireflies in Kansas // Karlyn Maness

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