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#just this cycle of fear and doubt and love and trying your best despite it not always being good enough and GAH
martyrbat · 10 months
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grimm – batman: legends of the dark knight #149
[ID: a panel sequence of young Dick Grayson just two months after his parents' murders. He's sulking at the dining table in the grandiose Wayne Manor. The dinner is taking place in front of a lit fireplace that causes the entire room to have a soft, bronze glow to it. The table itself is long and decorated and Bruce Wayne is sitting on the opposite end of it. Alfred Pennyworth prompts, “More mashed potatoes, Master Dick—?” But Dick is too busy thinking about a young criminal he ran into when he snuck out earlier. He quietly mutters the taunt she told him, “‘Spoiled brat in a circus suit’—?” Alfred asks, “Was that a yes or a no?” The pouting child brusquely tells him, ”no,” which causes the butler to clear his throat. Dick begrudgingly corrects himself, “No thank you, Alfred.” Alfred responds, “As you wish, Master Dick.”
But Dick is already uttering another taunt under his breath, “‘Lap of luxury’!” Bruce leans forward slightly and asks if everything is okay but Dick dismisses his concern. He excuses, “I'm... I'm not very hungry, Bruce. Is it okay if I go to my room?” Despite his obvious qualms, Bruce awkwardly smiles and replies, “Uh... Of course. Certainly.” Dick gets up as Alfred tells him the food will be in the refrigerator if he gets hungry later but Dick just ‘uh-huh’s him as he walks away. With the child upstairs, Bruce immediately stands up and paces. He stops in front of the fireplace and stares into the blaze as he monologues his worries, “Maybe this was a mistake. What in the world made me think I could raise a boy? I don't know the first thing about it! I've always been a loner! I don't have the knowledge... or the disposition... to make this work.” Alfred wryly asks, “Are you addressing the fireplace, Sir—or me?” But Bruce stresses his demur without looking at him, “His parents are dead, Alfred! What gives me the temerity to believe I can replace them in his life?”
Alfred solemnly reassures, “I asked myself the same questions once. What in the world did a butler know about raising a young man who'd just lost the two people he loved most in the world? But strangely enough, Sir—I adapted. I learned. I learned because I wanted to... Because I cared. And... despite some difficulties along the way—I think the young man in question turned out splendidly. And I think Master Dick will too.” Bruce doesn't say anything but he his eyes closed in thought as Alfred talks before looking at him with a soft smile. He straightens his posture when Alfred finishes and puts his hand on his shoulder, silently grateful for the man's fatherly reassurance and support once again. END ID]
#losing my mind at this....#bruce worrying and doubting himself and if he can give dick the life he deserves#he loves him. he cares. but he knows love alone wont save someone and his own worries about what if he fails#alfred who started this cycle of caring about someone elses son and trying to raise orphaned children while fearing you arent good enough#you see your own heartbreak in their face and you try so hard to save them because its saving yourself in a sense.#bruce doom spiraling because dick didnt want his mash potatoes....#dicks chubby little face....#alfreds love and support but always with that barrier. he loves & raised bruce like hes his own child but hes always going to be the butler#every ‘son’ being replaced with ‘sir’...#and bruce internalizing that barrier and that layer of separation and distance so he duplicates it because its all he knows#he doesn't want to but its all he knows and hes still terrified of what if he fails them? what if he loses them#by disappointing them and them seeing hes not qualified and good enough to be their father?#but also if he isnt good enough he'll fail them by getting them killed. he'll lose his loved one yet again#just this cycle of fear and doubt and love and trying your best despite it not always being good enough and GAH#also cannot stress enough bruce monologuing and doubting himself because dick is upset and didn't want dinner is so funny#c: batman: legends of the dark knight | i: 149#crypt's panels#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#dick grayson#bruce & dick#alfred & bruce#happy sad boy sunday !!!#<- it counts enough only because im posting this on a sunday >:3
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estapa-edwards · 14 days
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SOCCER - L. HUGHES
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paring: Luke Hughes x fem! reader
word count: 2.6k
requested? yes -oooo!!!! luke being in love with jacks long time best friend who (maybe she plays pro soccer in new York or just loves in ny your choice!) lives in new york and luke has been trying to confess his feelings for her for years
warnings: use of y/n.
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Luke stared out of his bedroom window, his gaze fixed on the bustling streets of New York City below. The city that never sleeps seemed to mirror his own restless heart, filled with unspoken emotions and silent desires. He ran a hand through his tousled hair, trying to gather the courage to do what he had been putting off for far too long.
His thoughts inevitably drifted to Y/N, his best friend Jack's long-time friend, and a professional soccer player. Luke had known her for years, ever since Jack had introduced them back in high school. From the moment he met her, he had been captivated by her infectious laughter, her passion for life, and her unwavering determination both on and off the soccer field.
But it wasn't just her athletic prowess or her vibrant personality that had drawn Luke in. No, it was something deeper, something he had tried to ignore for years but couldn't deny any longer. He was in love with Y/N, deeply and irrevocably so.
Yet, despite his feelings, Luke had never found the right moment to confess. There was always something holding him back – whether it was fear of ruining their friendship or the nagging doubt that she could never feel the same way about him.
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The stadium buzzed with energy as Luke sat in the stands, his eyes fixed on the figure darting across the soccer field below. Y/N moved with effortless grace, her skill and determination evident in every swift kick and precise pass.
As he watched her play, Luke felt a familiar warmth spread through his chest, his admiration for her talent mingling with something deeper – something he had been trying to deny for far too long. He knew that tonight was the perfect opportunity to confess his feelings, surrounded by the excitement of the game and the roar of the crowd.
But as the final whistle blew and the players retreated from the field, Luke found himself frozen in his seat, his mind racing with doubt and uncertainty. What if she didn't feel the same way? What if he ruined their friendship by laying his heart on the line?
As Y/N made her way off the field, her face flushed with exertion and exhilaration, Luke's resolve wavered. He had planned to approach her after the game, to finally lay bare his feelings and take the risk he had been avoiding for so long. But now, faced with the reality of the moment, he couldn't bring himself to do it.
Instead, he watched in silence as she disappeared into the crowd, his heart heavy with the weight of his unspoken words. Maybe next time, he told himself. Maybe next time he would find the courage to tell her how he felt.
But deep down, he knew that until he found the strength to speak his truth, he would remain trapped in this endless cycle of longing and regret.
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As Luke retraced his steps through the quiet streets of New York, the weight of his unspoken feelings seemed to grow heavier with each passing moment. Doubt gnawed at his insides, and the fear of rejection loomed large in his mind like a dark cloud threatening to obscure any glimmer of hope.
He couldn't shake the image of Y/N's face contorted with surprise or worse, disappointment, if he were to confess his love to her. What if their friendship, built over years of camaraderie and shared memories, crumbled beneath the weight of his admission? The mere thought sent a shiver down his spine.
With each step, his resolve wavered, his mind a battleground of conflicting emotions. On one hand, he yearned to unburden himself, to finally release the feelings he had kept bottled up for so long. But on the other hand, the risk of losing Y/N altogether was a price he wasn't sure he was willing to pay.
As he passed familiar landmarks and neon-lit storefronts, Luke's footsteps slowed, his heart heavy with indecision. The city, usually bustling with life, felt eerily quiet, as if echoing the turmoil within his own heart.
It was in this moment of uncertainty that Luke found himself reaching for his phone, fingers trembling slightly as he dialed Jack's number. Perhaps seeking solace or guidance, he wasn't entirely sure. But as the call connected and he heard Jack's familiar voice on the other end, Luke felt a sense of relief wash over him.
"Hey, Jack," he said, his voice sounding more uncertain than he would have liked. "It's me, Luke."
There was a brief pause on the other end of the line before Jack responded, his tone laced with concern. "Hey, Luke. Is everything okay? You sound... off."
Luke took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves before plunging into the conversation. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just... needed someone to talk to."
He could almost feel Jack's curiosity piquing through the phone line. "What's on your mind, buddy?"
The words hung in the air, heavy and loaded with meaning. Luke hesitated, unsure of how to articulate the tumultuous thoughts swirling within him. But then, with a sigh, he forged ahead.
"I've been thinking a lot lately," he began, his voice barely above a whisper. "About Y/N."
There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line, and Luke knew that Jack was listening intently. "Go on," Jack prompted gently.
Luke swallowed hard, the lump in his throat threatening to choke him. "I... I have feelings for her, Jack," he admitted, the words tumbling out in a rush. "I've had them for a long time, but I've been too scared to say anything. What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if I ruin everything?"
There was a moment of silence as Jack processed his friend's confession, his response measured and thoughtful when it came. "Luke, I can't pretend to know how she feels, but I do know this – Y/N values honesty above all else. If you truly care about her, if she truly is as important to you as you say she is, then you owe it to yourself to be honest with her. No matter the outcome."
Luke's heart clenched at Jack's words, the truth of them ringing clear even through the haze of his doubt. "You're right, Jack. I know you're right," he said, his voice tinged with resignation. "I just... I don't know if I have the courage to do it."
There was a soft sigh on the other end of the line, followed by a quiet reassurance. "You're stronger than you think, Luke. And whatever happens, know that I'll be here for you."
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The room was filled with laughter and music as Luke stood on the edge of the crowded dance floor, his eyes scanning the crowd for a familiar face. Tonight was Jack's birthday, a night of celebration and revelry, but all Luke could think about was Y/N.
He had planned to confess his feelings to her tonight, to finally break free from the shackles of his own fear and uncertainty. But as he watched her laughing and chatting with friends, her smile radiant in the dim light of the room, Luke's courage failed him once again.
As Luke lingered on the fringes of the celebration, his gaze fixed on Y/N's radiant smile, he couldn't shake the gnawing feeling of regret that twisted in the pit of his stomach. Jack's birthday party was in full swing, the room alive with laughter and music, but all Luke could focus on was the one person who occupied his every thought – Y/N.
Tonight was supposed to be the night, the night he finally laid bare his feelings and confessed his love for her. He had planned it all out in his mind, rehearsing his words with painstaking detail, imagining the look of surprise and joy on her face when she heard them. But now, as he watched her laughing and chatting with friends, the weight of his doubts pressed down on him like a suffocating blanket.
What if she didn't feel the same way? What if his confession was met with laughter or, worse yet, pity? The mere thought sent a shiver of dread down his spine, paralyzing him where he stood on the edge of the dance floor.
As Luke grappled with his inner turmoil, he barely noticed Jack approaching Y/N, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. With a pang of envy, Luke watched as Jack leaned in to whisper something in Y/N's ear, his voice low and conspiratorial.
Curiosity piqued, Luke found himself edging closer, straining to hear their conversation over the din of the party. His heart pounded in his chest as he waited for Y/N's response, the anticipation almost unbearable.
But before he could make out any of their words, Jack glanced over at Luke and caught his eye, a knowing grin spreading across his face. Sensing that something was amiss, Luke's heart skipped a beat as he braced himself for the inevitable question.
As Jack pulled away from Y/N and made his way towards Luke, the tension in the air was palpable. With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Luke knew what was coming next.
"Hey, Luke," Jack said, his voice casual but with an undercurrent of curiosity. "Have you confessed to Y/N yet?"
Luke's heart clenched at the question, his mind racing as he searched for an excuse to evade the truth. But as he met Jack's expectant gaze, he knew that there was no escaping it – not now, not ever.
"No, Jack," he admitted, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. "I haven't."
There was a moment of silence between them, thick with unspoken implications. Luke could feel the weight of Jack's gaze on him, his friend's expression a mix of sympathy and understanding.
"Luke, you can't keep putting this off," Jack said, his voice gentle but firm. "Life's too short to live with regrets. You owe it to yourself to be honest with Y/N, no matter the outcome."
Luke nodded, his throat tight with emotion. He knew that Jack was right, knew that he couldn't continue to hide his feelings forever. But as he watched Y/N dance and laugh in the flickering light of the party, the fear of rejection still loomed large in his mind.
With a heavy heart, Luke turned away from Jack and retreated back into the shadows, the weight of his unspoken feelings pressing down on him like a leaden burden. Maybe it was for the best, he told himself. Maybe it was better to keep his emotions locked away, safe from the risk of rejection and heartache.
But even as he tried to convince himself otherwise, Luke couldn't shake the nagging feeling of what might have been if only he had found the courage to speak.
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The room pulsed with energy as Y/N weaved through the crowd at Jack's birthday party, her heart fluttering with anticipation. Tonight was supposed to be a night of celebration, but for Y/N, it held a deeper significance – it was the night she had resolved to finally confess her feelings to Luke.
As she scanned the room for him, her gaze fell on Jack approaching her with a smile on his face. His presence brought a sense of warmth and familiarity, and Y/N couldn't help but return his smile as he drew near.
"Hey, Y/N," Jack greeted her, his voice carrying over the music. "Having a good time?"
Y/N nodded, the excitement bubbling up inside her threatening to spill over. "Yeah, it's been great. Thanks for throwing such an awesome party, Jack."
Jack grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Of course! But I have to admit, I have an ulterior motive for inviting you here tonight."
Y/N arched an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. "Oh? And what might that be?"
Jack's smile widened as he leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "I couldn't help but notice that someone seems to have their eye on you tonight."
Y/N felt her cheeks flush at his words, her heart skipping a beat as she glanced around the room in search of the mysterious admirer. But before she could respond, Jack's gaze flickered over her shoulder, his expression taking on a knowing glint.
Y/N turned to follow his gaze, her breath catching in her throat as she caught sight of Luke standing at the edge of the dance floor, his eyes fixed on her with an intensity that sent a shiver down her spine.
"He's been watching you all night," Jack said, his voice soft but filled with meaning. "I think he might have something he wants to tell you."
Y/N's heart leaped at Jack's words, hope blossoming within her chest like a flower in bloom. Could it be possible that Luke felt the same way about her? After all this time?
With newfound determination coursing through her veins, Y/N turned back to Jack, her voice steady despite the fluttering in her stomach. "Thanks, Jack. I appreciate it."
As Jack excused himself to join the festivities, Y/N took a deep breath, steeling herself for what was to come. Tonight was the night she would finally lay her heart on the line, no matter the outcome.
As Y/N made her way through the pulsing crowd, her heart pounded in her chest with a mix of nerves and anticipation. Tonight was the night she had resolved to finally lay her feelings bare to Luke, no matter the outcome.
With each step closer to him, her resolve solidified, fueled by the knowledge that she couldn't continue to keep her emotions bottled up any longer. As she reached his side, her gaze met his, and she felt a rush of warmth spread through her at the sight of the affection reflected in his eyes.
"Luke," she began, her voice barely above a whisper amidst the thumping music around them. "There's something I need to tell you."
Luke's brow furrowed slightly, a flicker of concern crossing his features. "What is it, Y/N? Is everything okay?"
Y/N took a deep breath, summoning all of her courage as she prepared to speak the words she had rehearsed a thousand times in her mind.
"I... I've been wanting to tell you for a long time now," she admitted, her voice trembling slightly with emotion. "I'm in love with you, Luke. I have been for years."
The air seemed to crackle with tension as Y/N waited for Luke's response, her heart pounding in her chest as she searched his face for any sign of what he might be feeling. But as she met his gaze, she saw something she had only dared to hope for – warmth, understanding, and maybe even a hint of reciprocation.
"Y/N," Luke breathed, his voice barely above a whisper as he reached out to gently cup her cheek. "I... I've been in love with you for just as long. I was afraid to say anything, afraid of ruining our friendship, but... I can't keep it to myself any longer."
A rush of relief flooded through Y/N at his words, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes as she reached out to take his hand in hers. In that moment, everything else faded away – the noise of the party, the doubts and fears that had plagued them both for so long – leaving only the two of them, their hearts laid bare for each other to see.
Without another word, Y/N stepped closer to Luke, her pulse racing as she closed the distance between them. And as their lips met in a tender, passionate kiss, she knew that she had finally found what she had been searching for all along – a love worth fighting for, no matter the odds.
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camels-pen · 3 months
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the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?
Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.
Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.
With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.
So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.
#one piece#sanuso#zosopp#long post#nemotime#does this make sense or is this the ramblings of a person who's only got 3 hrs sleep#bc thats me. 3 hrs sleep. ugh#listen okay its like. zosopp has their own growing pains to get through yknow? zoro will eventually get the whole#'oh usopp isnt as open with me bc he wants to seem tough and is also kind of doing the same thing i do. thats bad for him'#and it'll be a whole thing about making a promise between the two of them to try and be more honest with their fears and seeking help#when they need it#the sanuso thing is like. i hope i didnt mean to make it seem like sanuso is 'better' or w/e bc its just a different thing#sanuso got their own problems to sort out. 1. Sanji's everything 2. boundaries on special treatment-#i'm not gonna go seriously into this but both relationships start out not the best and get better over time yknow#also i know usopp's afraid and freaking out a lot but for this post i meant his deeper fears and insecurities#not 'i've got can't-go-on-this-island disease' lmao#the tl;dr of this post is: Usopp is more closed off with Zosopp. Usopp and Sanji have similar issues that cause problems with Sanuso.#also the way i see these ships will probably change at some point. who knows#there was a post i saw recently that was like 'hey sanuso bc romance trio were already chill with each other so sanuso became chill with#each other in an 'alone together' type of way and also they have the same issues' and i thought 'wow so true bestie' and here we are#also. man. usopp taking on / copying the behaviours of his loved ones regardless of his age is just. my jam. in a positive or negative way#maybe i'll make a post about that explaining it more. maybe
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cacoetheswriting · 5 months
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pearl: may 1986
word count: 2.8k
content warnings: best friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, suggestive & mature themes, adult language, use of pet names, oblivious idiots in love, emotional hurt / comfort, self-doubt / insecurities, grief, mentions of death / losing a loved one, mentions of recreational drug use, mentions of blood / description of injuries - if i missed anything, pls let me know!
pearl masterlist
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Grief. 
Unfortunately, you knew the feeling all too well. 
When your dad passed, you thought the grief would swallow you whole. It embedded itself into your core being and on most days, it fucking consumed you. You lost a parent, a protector, a friend. You lost all of the future possibilities and memories you’ll never get to make. You really lost a piece of yourself.
Then, just as you’d gone through all seven stages of grief and slowly began to pick up the pieces that remained in your life, your dad passed away all over again the night you found out how he really left this earth.
There was also the grief you were experiencing due to your fall out with Eddie. Around this time last year was probably the worst you’ve ever felt and you truly thought you’d be stuck in a never ending cycle of grief, until you reconciled with the metalhead and Eddie’s lovable personality showed you how you could make other memories.
The curly-haired boy became your sun, your moon, and your stars. He was the air you breathed, the reason you got out of bed every morning. You loved him entirely and yet you were too scared to tell him. Not because you feared he didn’t love you back, you knew he did. You delayed because at times, falling in love with Eddie felt like your eighth stage of grief. You were convinced you unintentionally — and frankly unbeknown to the boy — put too much pressure on him. Pressure to fix you. Fix how you were feeling, fix how you were acting. Fix your grief. 
More importantly though, admitting out loud how you truly felt made it all a little too real and what if you somehow lost him like you lost your dad?
Reflecting on it now, once again your attempt at self-preservation didn't really matter. 
March 1986 happens. 
Eddie decides to play hero and despite your pleas and bargains, his mind is set on saving the world. Ever since then, your nightmares feature the horrid memory of Dustin and you carrying Eddie’s bloody, unconscious body through the Upside Down. They feature your screams, Dustin’s cries. They feature you scrambling, trying to lift Eddie through the hole in the ceiling and later into your car as he bled out in your arms.
To this day, you can still smell the blood. The scent overpowers your senses every time you close your eyes and you’re instantly nauseous. Although distractions help — (such as all of Hawkins literally sinking underground).
Miraculously, Eddie survived the whole ordeal.
Dustin was the first to call and say the metalhead’s awake. You tell the young boy you’ll visit that afternoon, but you never do. When Steve stops by your house a couple of days later with an offer of a ride to the hospital, you pretend you’re feeling unwell because even though your brain comprehends Eddie’s okay, the grief has attached itself to your heart like a sweater that you can never take off.
The charade was rather pointless because Wayne was living with you and your mom since March which meant naturally, once Eddie was discharged from the hospital, he moved here too. 
Suddenly he was everywhere and nowhere all at once.
“We should probably talk,” Eddie said after approaching you in the kitchen the day after he was discharged.
You stiffen in his presence and without even looking at him, you say, “I-I don’t— There’s nothing I have to say to you.”
In the space of a heartbeat, he’s next to you, fingers brushing your forearm as if he was debating whether to grab you or not. But you don’t give him a chance to. Instead, you walk out and rush upstairs for your bedroom. Although Eddie is right behind.
He squeezes past you and stops you mid-stairs before grabbing your face in his hands.
“I meant what I said, you know that, right?” Eddie’s desperate. He’s searching your eyes for any sort of indication that you feel the same, but your expression is only one of sorrow.
“I love you,” he says as confidently as he can.
You swallow thickly. “I don’t believe you.”
The sentence comes out in a mere whisper, but Eddie definitely hears you. His shoulders drop and although he’s still holding your face, his grips loosens.
“Don’t say that…”
“I don’t believe you,” you repeat and break yourself free from his embrace.
Despite his best attempts to talk to you after, you didn’t want to be near him. He was like a ghost of the human he used to be before March and you felt just as empty. Truthfully, you didn’t know how to act around him.
“Hey,” your best friend’s soothing tone hails you back to reality, “Is there room for one more on this rooftop?”
You glance back at Eddie, nodding your head, and watch as he climbs out of your bedroom window. He sits next to you, although an arms-length away, quite careful not to brush against any part of you. 
A lump forms at the back of your throat at his conscious effort to keep some distance between you ‘cause he knows, at face value, that’s what you think you want, and you force yourself to look away, focusing instead on the night sky. 
Then the silence lingers on.
It’s all so tense and you’re grieving again. Grieving what Eddie and you used to have, what you used to be. You are so desperate to return to those days, the sensation is honestly making you sick to your stomach. The boy who was once your rock, feels more like a stranger.
And Eddie must sense your apprehension because the next thing you hear is the flick of his lighter — proving, even now when you’ve never felt more distance between you, exactly why you still love him whole-heartedly. He knows you.
“You know,” he exhales a puff of smoke and you tilt your head to look at you, “The last time we smoked weed on your rooftop, your dad almost caught us. Do you remember? He scared the shit out of me, I damn nearly fell down.”
Eddie’s eyes meet yours.
“He didn’t almost catch us, Eds. He popped his head out that window and for sure knew what we were up to. Let’s be honest, we stank and couldn’t stop giggling.”
The boy shrugs. “Worth it, if you ask me.”
You’re not really sure what to say next and there’s a moment of borderline tense silence, during which your eyes are glued together. Eddie’s chocolate-button gaze is staring deeply into your own and for the first time in a long time, he feels real. 
So much so, without really thinking, you extend one hand in his direction and your fingers attach themselves to his like magnets. You squeeze gently. Then again ‘cause they’re warm, unlike your last memory of his touch.
Eddie briefly glances at your sudden hold on him and a timid smile circles his lips. 
“You know,” he clears his throat and you know he’s thinking exactly what’s on your mind, “The last time we uhm, we held hands was—”
“Please don’t ruin the moment,” you interrupt in a mere whisper because avoidance is easier. Easier than sadness, than heartbreak. Than grief. Avoidance is a feeling the two of you knew all too well. Avoidance has always been the third wheel in your friendship.
“But we have to talk about it,” Eddie says, cocking his head to the side. 
He frees himself from your grasp, but only to put out the joint and place the remainder behind his ear. He then slides closer towards you and reaches for your hands once again. 
“When you didn’t come see me at the hospital, I knew we were in trouble.” Eddie’s statement is honest and makes your heart ache. “And ever since I was discharged, we tip-toe around each other and it fucking sucks, princess.”
You shut your eyes, trying to fight back the tears you know are about to come. 
“Whether you believe my feelings for you are genuine or not, this is not us. This is not who we are. I feel like you’re slipping through my fingers, like I’m losing you.”
“Eddie, that’s… Fuck.” You clear your throat before looking back into his saddened gaze. “This is hard for me to say, uhm. What happened to you was horrendous, there’s no denying. I’m eternally grateful you’re alive and well, but I-I also can’t help feel this resentment towards you. I-I…”
You exhale. 
“You think I’m slipping through your fingers and that’s completely valid since I distanced myself again, which broke us last time,” your voice quivers, “But Eddie, I just don’t think you realise how you actually did that. It physically happened. You were dying in my arms a-and the memory of that experience is making it incredibly hard to look at you.”
The expression on Eddie’s face makes it clear your words gutted him. He’s rendered speechless.
Perhaps it’s because of the sad puppy-dog look he was currently sporting, or because back before this entire ordeal you were an inch away from telling him your heart's true tune and that feeling never really went away, you incline closer and wrap your arms around his neck.
“Please don’t ever do that again, okay?” You mutter into his hair as he returns the hug, squeezing me tight. “I’m gonna be completely selfish here and say, I-I can’t go through that again.”
“I-I just wanted to protect you. I wanted to be your hero,” Eddie admits. He sounds defeated.
You pull back ever so slightly, just enough to be able to see his face. “I don’t need you to be my hero, Eddie. I-I just need you to live.”
He nods slowly. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
Then silence falls upon you again, only this time it’s… different.
Eddie’s gaze is searching your own as if it’s a treasure map he’s trying to understand. His grip on you tightens with every passing second and it feels right. It reminds you that he is indeed real. He did survive. 
You both survived.
Eddie proceeds to press his forehead to your own and you realise you’ve been holding your breath.
“I-I need you to promise me something too,” Eddie mutters, your lips now mere inches apart. You’re too lost in the moment to speak so he continues. “Promise me you won’t think what I’m about to do next is anything short of how I’ve felt about you for a real fucking long time.”
Every fiber of your being is tingling.
“Promise me, princess.” Eddie’s voice is a mere whisper. 
“I promise.”
One soft inhale later, his lips brush yours lightly. Then again with a little more intent, and again, only deeper. 
All of the emotions that had been churning rose to the surface and exploded all at once. With every passing second, you melt into him further and he groans, almost in relief. 
The kiss gets rougher. You bite his bottom lip, gripping onto the collar of his t-shirt as if your life depended on it. Your lungs are burning. Your entire body shaking in Eddie’s embrace. He holds you by the jaw, fingernails dig into your cheeks as his tongue breaches through your parted lips. You proceed to moan against him, exploring his mouth the same way he was yours.
Then a shiver runs down your spine, causing you to remember where you are and what you were just talking about so you draw back, albeit still rather unwillingly. Eddie meets your slightly surprised gaze and offers you a smile before pecking the bridge of your nose.
As he sits back, hands still holding your face, your mind is racing: Now what?
He kissed you. You kissed him back
Jesus Christ. Your heart is hammering inside of your chest. Nervous, excited. And Eddie’s on cloud nine. You tasted better than he remembers. Like cherry chapstick, the scent of which lingers in the air between you.
Though as he’s looking at you, waiting for some sort of positive reaction, a sign that it was just as good for you as it was for him, you suck in your bottom lip between your teeth. Well, fucking shit… Now he’s nervous.
“I have to go,” is all you say in a quiet tone before carefully hurrying inside through the open bedroom window.
Eddie blinks. It takes him a minute to register and when he eventually follows you, you’re pacing around the room with your fingers pressed against your temple, repeatedly rubbing circles into your skin. You stop when Eddie whispers your name and he immediately notices how your eyes are glossed over with tears. 
His heart drops.
“Shit, princess…” Eddie takes a step towards you. “I’m sorry. I got lost in the moment a-and I should’ve asked first if it was okay to do that. I know better. Wayne taught me to be a gentleman—”
“Eddie,” you interrupt, “Stop. It’s not that.”
His brows furrow. “Are you sure? ‘Cause something has you freaked and your best friend kissing you is a big enough reason why, even knowing I love you.”
“I swear, Eddie. It’s just…” A soft sigh escapes you, “I literally just told you it was hard to be around you, and then we kissed, and now… I’m just feeling a little confused and kinda overwhelmed ‘cause—”
He takes your face in his hands once again, thumbs brushing against your cheekbones. 
“Shh…”
“But Eddie, I-I—”
“Please.”
“I-I just,” you hesitate, “Last we kissed, it almost ruined us, so where do we go from here?”
It’s a loaded question. One Eddie was definitely expecting since it’s also crossed his mind every time he thought about acting on his feelings since July of ‘85. So to be completely honest, he has internally rehearsed this scenario maybe a thousand times. Going over all the different outcomes, good and bad.
Nothing prepared him for the real deal, however.
“Pretty girl,” Eddie begins, almost in a whisper, “Shit… Okay. I admit, I kinda sprung my admission on you and then ran off, not the best timing or decision making on my part. I’m sorry. But I-I’ve known I-I loved you ever since the day we said goodbye as you went off to college, but my feelings for you have been more than friendly for much, much longer than that.”
You raise a curious brow as he continues. 
“And yeah, perhaps I should’ve told you sooner. Life just kept getting in the way and frankly, I was so fucking scared. Shit, I’m still scared ‘cause I too don’t know where we go from here. All I know is I want you by my side as more than just my best friend, for as long as you’ll have me.”
Slowly, your lips curl into a timid smile while your hands make home on his chest — and he’s sure you can feel his heart hammering with nerves, anticipation and also pure unfiltered joy. 
“Which I’m hoping is forever considering how you signed your old letters.”
“Eddie Munson—”
“Wait,” he interrupts before clearing his throat ‘cause suddenly, as he stares so deeply into your eyes, he knows exactly where to go from here, “Let’s leave.”
A confused look spreads across your face. “What?”
“Let’s leave Hawkins, princess.” Eddie states with a little more confidence. “This town has taken a lot away from us and caused us a lot of pain. I think it’s time we count our blessings and leave before something else happens.”
The plan forms in his mind rather quickly and he begins to get excited. Yes, this was a good idea. You both needed to leave and just be yourselves for a while, take back the time that was taken from you and make memories to outlive the bad ones. 
“And where do you propose we go, hot shot?”
“Anywhere you want,” he replies immediately as if it was the simplest thing in the world, “We’ve got some cash saved and we’ve got your car, so let’s do a cross-country road trip.”
“Eddie, that’s crazy,” you half-laugh.
He lets go of you and proceeds to reach for the inside pocket of his jacket. He retrieves the remains of a tape you recognised immediately and a certain glimmer lights up your eyes. Eddie can’t help but smile.
“Unfortunately, Vecna’s cursed bats pretty much destroyed my most prized possession,” he began while holding the album between his fingers and lifting it slightly. “Uhm, as you probably know, most of my favourite memories with you are associated with Pearl, so I think we should continue to make more by travelling down to Kentucky then towards the California sun. Stopping of course in New Orleans.”
You briefly bite down on your bottom lip. “Just like in Me and Bobby McGee,” the sentence is quiet, almost a whisper.
Eddie’s smile widens. “So are you in, princess?”
You simply kiss him in response. It’s softer than the last kiss, but equally as passionate, if not more. Eddie’s eyes close instinctively as he holds you close, tape now pressed to your back as he loses himself in the sensation, thinking about how he wants to be able to kiss you forever. And you want that too.
“Eddie,” you mutter against his lips.
“Mhmmm…”
“I love you too.”
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pearl masterlist
& tagging some cool people that expressed interest in this lil series: @cactusangie , @spenciesprincess , @capitanostella , @ashlynnkennedy , @ms1oftheboys , @kurdtbean
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krikeymate · 10 months
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👀 Can we get a scene of Tara introducing the baby to the wolf?
It is my right, growls a voice inside her head. “You have no right,” Sam responds, agitated by the constant demands from the beast. It scares her, how desperate it is to meet Annie. She fears what it means. The wolf inside of her has demanded to meet many people since it began to manifest its own voice inside of her, a year and a half ago. None of them survived to meet their next sunrise.
She won't let it near Tara's daughter. She'll tear herself apart before she gives it an opportunity to touch the girl.
She is mine, it declares. Sam can feel the anger radiating from the beast at her continued denials, but it is nothing compared to her own. How dare it? How dare it try to claim something that belongs to her?
“She's not yours,” Sam hisses through grit teeth, careful to keep her voice low. Tara's just in the other room feeding Annie, and she won't have her disturbed. Again. She doesn't need her to worry, Sam will take care of this. She always does. “You are nothing, just a parasite hitching a ride inside my brain, like my father. He became a nuisance and I found a way to get rid of him, so mind your tongue or I'll do the same to you.”
The beast huffs, but doesn't continue to argue. Sam sighs in relief. It gets more and more vocal by the day, and she doesn't know what to do about it. It always has more to say around the full moon, and this month especially. But given what happened last cycle, perhaps it makes sense. Maybe once tonight is over she'll finally get some peace and quiet. For a while, at least.
Sam glances out the kitchen window at the soon-to-be setting sun. She needs to make a move now if she wants to be far away from here by the time the moon rises. And she does.
Despite her anxiety over the situation, Sam still takes a moment to pause in the doorway and watch her sister feed the baby.
Tara's seemed... different, since she came along. Happier, in a way. Calmer. Sam thinks she might be different too. Anika was an accident, but she might just be the best mistake they've ever made.
Walking forward, Sam rests her hands on the back of the couch and drops a kiss to the top of Tara's head. She reaches forward to run a hand over the downy hair on Annie's and leans over to kiss her as well.
“How are my favourite girls doing?” she asks, unable to hide the affection that laces every word. Not that she would want to. She never wants Tara to doubt how much she loves her, never again. Annie will never doubt how much she is loved.
Tara reaches up to leave a kiss of her own to Sam's jaw. “We're just as fine as we were half an hour ago,” she teases with a wide smile. It twitches, weakening as she takes in Sam's face, gaze lingering on the tightness of her expression and the white knuckle grip she has on the couch.
“It's still bothering you, isn't it?” she asks quietly. Sam doesn't respond, Tara already knows the answer. Her eyes flick between the window and her sister. She hates the way Tara's face drops as she catches the movement.
“Already?”
“It's safer this way, it's already restless. I don't want to be caught off guard too close to home.”
“I just wish you didn't have to do this alone.”
Sam moves around the couch and drops to one knee in front of her sister. “I'm never alone. Even when we're apart, I always feel you with me,” she says softly, eyes never leaving Tara's. It leaves her sister speechless. Sam takes the opportunity to make her escape now, before Tara says something that only makes it harder to leave.
Standing up, she cups Tara's face and leaves a kiss on her brow. “Don't try and wait up for me, you need your rest,” she declares. Turning to the baby, she gives her another kiss too. “Be good for your mother.” Annie just blinks up at her without recognition.
Sam forces herself back. She needs to leave, no matter how much she would rather spend the evening with her girls in her arms.
The wolf inside of her tries to reach back, pushing at her chest, desperate. It makes her spin on her heel and head for the door, every step away feels agonising. Pulling open the door, she resists the urge to look back. “Don't forget to lock the door,” she reminds her sister, a familiar routine.
“I won't,” Tara replies, as always. She sighs at the click of the door as Sam closes it behind her. She misses her already.
“It's just you and me tonight,” she murmurs sadly to the girl in her arms.
They've rarely been apart since Sam came back into her life. At first it was Sam's way of making it up to her, overcompensating for five years of loneliness by never leaving her side. Now it's nothing less than a want, a need. Sam's always said that her life began the moment Tara was born, and she thinks it must be true, because she knows now that Sam is the other half of her heart. She finally understands the heart-wrenching loneliness that almost tore her apart when Sam left. They were meant to be together.
She regrets that she couldn't appreciate the effort back then, too caught up in her own head, in trying to pretend everything was normal, in trying to be normal. It all seems so stupid now. She regrets not being able to appreciate Sam more when she needed her support, but she'll never regret what it led to, how it's freed her – freed Sam. It changed their lives for the better, the girl in her arms is evidence of that.
Tara's kicked out of her thoughts with a foot to the chest. She manages to pull her arms back just in time to miss a little fist flying for her too.
“What happened to being good for mommy?” she asks the fussing baby. Annie only whines in response, squirming in her arms. “I guess you didn't actually agree, did you?”
She stretches out her legs before getting up off the couch and taking her for a walk around the apartment, bouncing her arms in a way that never fails to calm Annie down. Except tonight it seems.
“You miss her too, huh?” she sighs, stopping at the window and looking out into the night. Sam says she can always feel her with her, Tara wishes she could say the same.
-
Something about tonight's change feels wrong. She's not far enough away, she realises too late. The thought coincides with her head snapping in the direction of home. It's like a beacon calling to her and she begins to move against her wishes. Sam struggles with her limbs as they move on their own. Her mouth growls, but it's not her voice. Home now, it says. No, she snarls back. The wolf doesn't listen. It drives her back, wrestles control over the body from her.
Sam doesn't think she's ever felt so out of control. It's been so long since she's felt this helpless.
This is her fault, she thinks. She got cocky, overconfident. She thought nothing could touch her.
If anything happens to her girls, if she does anything to them, she'll never forgive herself.
-
It's dark inside the building. Not even the moons piercing glow can breach the thick curtains caging the window. It's not right, but sometimes the absence of a blessing is one in itself. The dearth of its guiding light allows this one to violate the sanctum.
The tenacious one knows nothing of what she's truly capable of, knows nothing of what they are capable of. She's passionate but doesn't know how to listen very well. It has much to teach her, so it has to make her listen. It must make a demonstration.
It can hear its victims steady heartbeats. It's own heart races with anticipation as it skulks towards them, body near invisible in the darkness of the room.
-
Tara jolts awake in an instant, gasping. She was having a nightmare, she thinks. The details quickly fade from her mind, but the feeling of terror remains. She feels watched. Hunted. It unnerves her.
Rolling over, Tara reaches into the bassinet beside her to pick up Annie and pull her close. The baby sleeps through the movement, much to her relief. She doesn't want to disturb her just because she had a silly nightmare, but she needs her in her arms. It soothes her nerves, knowing Annie's safe in her embrace.
She turns back to Sam, intent on cuddling into her as she always does when she wakes up scared, before she remembers that Sam isn't here tonight.
The memory of Sam walking out the door sets her back on edge, arms tightening around her daughter on reflex. The dip in the mattress beside her is usually nothing to note, just a reminder that she's safe and her sister is here beside her.
Now it's an alarm bell screeching in her ears.
She holds her breathe, frozen. That's when she hears the panting, notices the prescence beside her. It's familiar, yet not.
The wolf begins to move, now noticed. It leans towards her, hot breathe blowing against the side of her face.
This isn't Sam, something inside of her screams.
The beast lurches forward, snapping its jaw near her ear. Tara hates the way she whimpers, curling up to protect Anika. She doesn't want it to know she's scared. It's still a part of Sam, how can she fear any part of her?
"Please," she whispers as it growls. She can feel the way it moves around her, fur brushing against her bare arms, reaching, grabbing.
The wolf has always claimed Tara as its own. They feared how it may react to another claiming her too, even before it began to show interest in the baby.
"Don't hurt her."
Her voice is edged with desperation, tears beginning to fall.
It doesn't like that, and snaps again, nipping at her shoulder, snarling all the while.
The beast steps back, reevaluating as it watches the girl only draw away, hiding the pup further. It cannot treat prey like a predator, it thinks.
It barks and lays down, pinning its intended's legs with their own, head resting on its paws. It means them no harm, as she fears, but it has no way to communicate this with a human. The moon only knows its host would never allow them the opportunity to speak through them, only to. It laments this fact, for it has so much to say to their packmates.
The thought has the wolf whimpering.
The noise makes Tara peek up from between her arms and legs. She meets the curious silver eyes peering up at her, and feels reassured.
This still isn't Sam, but it is familiar. She's met this wolf before, been protected by it before. It makes her fear dull.
Relaxing, Tara begins to reveal the baby to the wolf once again. Its ears perk up, tail beginning to wag.
It shuffles forward, pausing to look up at Tara, concerned it may scare her away again. She bites her lip, considering, before lowering her arms.
Annie's awake now, disturbed by the nighttime interruption, sleepy brown eyes staring up at the two of them.
She lets out a yawn, and the wolf immediately nudges forward to nose at her. The movement makes Tara flinch, and it draws back, waiting.
A hand on its head gives it the confirmation its been waiting for, and it finally gets to meet their newest packmember.
"Gentle," she warns, and if it could roll its eyes, it would. It's no fool, it knows the pup is fragile, weak and in need of protection. It's been trying all month! Its host has been so selfish, keeping it locked away. It needs to mark the pup as pack, so others know she's claimed.
Tara watches the beast nuzzle her daughter. She feels stupid now, seeing how careful it is with her. How could she have ever thought any part of Sam would hurt her daughter? Sam may doubt herself, but Tara never should.
She won't make that mistake again.
The wolf finishes scent marking Anika and moves on to Tara instead, taking her off guard.
"I smell just fine," she grumbles pushing the massive head away with one hand, the other cradling Annie in her lap.
It just grabs at her hand, catching it between teeth and weaving its tongue between her fingers.
"Gross."
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catelismo · 2 months
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polaroid love! ft. akiyama mizuki
it's been 5 years since you let mizuki go away; university now at the top of all of your personal priorities and needs. with all of those memories that flashed before your eyes made a singular thought go through your mind; was your decision truly the best for both of you?
hinted angst. implied breakups. reader is going to university. them/they prns on mizuki. etc. kinda unfinished?
did you know that uhm mizuki 💗 theres no physical appearance from this slayer but yeah!!! this is shamefully my redemption for abandoning saving grace :( ily mizuki, you'll always be famous. ALSO PJSK COMEBACK!!! (thank wxs for their world link cards)
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University approached way too fast for your liking.
Green garden lands of doom matched perfectly with the sight of students growing frantic and man-made paths of academic hell wrapped its victims around their measly little fingers. Yeah, university life is just so ideal!
And all is approached without someone right by your side.
The irony behind your smile as the "confident" march towards the front door was clearly misleading and overly melodramatic; a sense of tranquil failed you again from remembering and retelling those vintage memories of the past.
Biting lips and scratching hands till they bled externally for the world to see kinda felt like a cycle in all truthfulness; easily becoming discontented from the motion of swirling fingers together like a blender. You're getting bored every day faster and faster when you think about it.
Fuck, you started to miss them so much.
Try not to think of them too much, you repeated this every waking hour like a living mantra being told by a mere monk at a temple. Why fail then? Why did you not fought off the urge to sew your mouth shut whenever that pink-haired character was mildly mentioned. Why bother?
Mizuki, they were always a wonder to be around with. Days and weeks while linking arms with them were never a bore. And the ideas that both of you had were simply originally magnificent — from local fashion shows in the streets of Shibuya to lolita themed cat café dates, we certainly knew how to have fun with each other.
Ah, where did all of that time go?
You couldn't even remember what you said to them on the day that the two peas in a pod gets smudged on and eventually leaves the other one to rot. Laughing at the thought just now, it's quite ironic how you were the one to leave them behind, despite of the fear of loneliness consuming you whole.
And you were the one that felt them? God, that was so cruel of you!
Even walking off the thought through the never-ending halls of horror couldn't and wouldn't help, you were scared shitless without a doubt as their laugh echoed for forever up in there. Their laughs, fashion and even the way they held you in times of need felt so comforting. So loveable. And the perfect way of saying I love you! I love you so much, Mizuki! I want to spend the rest of my days with you.
Didn't that feel like a lie to you?
Tasted too surreal for your liking; almost kissing the corners of their mouth could've been a dream come true. In another universe, for sure!
Chances that were likely to meet Mizuki again were slim to none in all fairness — but who are you to deny the fate of both of you? Perhaps it is ideal for reunion, a celebration, with none of that bittersweet malarkey surrounded by the sight of you.
I wish that it could be like that again.
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© CATELISMO ✶ any actions of plagiarism, distribution and tracing any of my works is strictly prohibited.
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emptymanuscript · 1 year
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Punisere
Punisere might give a character beliefs in:
Stories are more important than reality
Astrology
Loyalty is stronger than law or tradition
Law is the last resort of the dull witted
Tradition is the beginning of wisdom
Emotions are like storms, tumultuous and powerful but brief and passing
Freedom is the end of wisdom but you must reach the end to understand it
Trusting their instincts
Problems may become solutions
Everyone is family if you trace the lines long enough
Everyone is an enemy if you count every action they've ever taken
Only they dying should stay sedentary too long
Justice comes from love not form
Better a life lived well than a life lived safe
A person is not what they do, what they do comes from who they are
It’s likely to produce above average:
Comfort with a nomadic lifestyle
Cleverness with words
Freedom of expression and emotion
Disrespect for the laws and formalities of others
Curiosity
Resilience
Being raised in Punisere might give character drives like:
 Experience something of beauty or grace
Lead another to act despite fear or doubt
Uncover something about a mystery
Use your art to help those in need
Free someone from literal or figurative bonds
Give hope or cheer to someone who needs it
Deny mercy to an enemy
Give mercy to those who never expect it
Forget trespasses that are long gone
End someone or something’s suffering
Help an animal or spirit of the wild
Settle a conflict or dispute without bloodshed
Share a passionate moment with another
Get someone to act on factually false but emotionally true information
Show someone a place/thing of great beauty
Convince others to protect a thing of nature
Let a problem escalate while you brood
Cause trouble for your allies by acting rashly
Cause your allies trouble by adhering strictly to your oaths
Cause trouble by touching, opening, or tinkering with something
Infiltrate a secure or dangerous location
Create or discover something that helps other people
Take a major risk to acquire something valuable
Travel to or discover a spiritually significant place
Provide or be the catalyst for change in the world
Expose or reveal the true cause of a problem in the world
Uphold your personal code of honor despite the cost or inconvenience
Purposefully ignore class distinctions to cause inconvenience
Help something or someone grow or move on to the next step in the cycle
Utterly obliterate something significant or meaningful that you oppose
Endanger yourself to combat an unnatural threat
Spur others to significant and unplanned decisive action
Help someone deal with or overcome their personal problems
Stand up to a bully or tyrant, or forego comfort or advantage in order to do the right thing or help someone worse-off
Eschew a convention of the civilized world
But, of course, someone living as a Tri Poke out beyond the firm boundaries of Civilization might just as well be there as a way to distance themselves from the way people are back home. Though they'll have a hard time of it as being a Tri Poke will feel like taking home with them.
The Punisere Dessert may have been the heart of an Empire some time before their are any historical records but who can say for sure. Puniseri will tell you whichever story they think you want to hear as that's only polite. A good story is the best gift a Puniseri can give and if they have to lie a little to make the story good, well, that's them working for the greater good.
This makes it very difficult for outsiders to figure out what the hell is going on in Punisere and it's difficult enough for the Puniseri who live there. The Punisere is divided up by unmarked boundaries and complicated, often unspoken, clan loyalties. Some of the great migratory nations are so ancient that they were already ancient when most histories start. But new nations pop up and disappear all the time in the ravaging heat of the desert. Outsiders go mad trying to figure out which is which and who belongs to who and how the hell multiple nations can consist of the same people on the same sands at the same time. One nation might be the best friend of another. And the bitterest enemy of a third, to even state the name would be a crime. But a single person might belong to all three quite happily.
Puniseri who leave Punisere or come from a distant part of the desert know better than to try and figure it out and simply accept it without comment. They understand the complexity of bloodlines and the few communal legends that bind all Puniseri.
Whether they believe them true or not, all Puniseri know the legends of their people's origins. Long ago when humans were still a rarity, the stars of the constellation Orwolael looked down on the beauty of the world and fell in love with the beauty of the desert. They did not know the Punisere was hot because they saw the desert only after sunset was gone and only until sunrise wiped their vision away. One night, gazing at the dessert, they saw an eye winking back at them and their hearts were seduced by thinking the desert was growing stars to love them back. So fourteen of the fifteen stars rushed to the glow to profess their love, only the last, the meekest, thinking itself unworthy of such a gift remained shyly in the sky, and only it is called Orwolael now. But the fourteen who fell came to the winking light and found it was their own light glowing back at them from the water of a great oasis. They cried bitterly in their disappointment, stuck forever now on the desert sands, and their tears, purer than any stream that runs down from a mountain, filled up the oasis so deep that the water would never go dry, even in the hottest summer. And when they had cried themselves out and found no solace except their hesitant sibling's winking pity, they tried to drown themselves in the water. But tears cannot kill a thing, no matter how someone might wish it was so. Thus they stayed in the water and stewed in the heat and shivered in the cold, until travelers came to their great oasis. A heart that has loved may love again, no matter how bitter the love became and each of the stars fell in love with one of the travelers. They rose up out of the water and this time their love was returned, for nothing is as beautiful as a star and few loves more constant. And of their parings came the first fourteen clans of the Punisere from which all Puniseri are descended. And even now, if they look up at the stars in search of kin, they find their oldest relative still alive and loving in Orwolael and if the Puniseri are humble and ask the right questions, Orwolael will chivy its own children, the cousins of the desert, out among the stars to move to show a greater and wiser view of the world.
Through Orwolael's wisdom and its children's loyalty the Puniseri were taught and are still taught about their own loyalties and lives. They were taught how to breed the great lizards that became the dinosaurs. And, most precious of all, they were taught to breed the king of lizards, brave and loyal, clever and obedient. From Orwolael came the secret of the T-Rex and the riding of worthy mounts. And still the T-Rex's of the desert are most loved and best bred.
Most Puniseri are content to keep their ways and their legends in the heat of the many colors of sand. But sometimes, someone will look up and the stars have another message: that they must leave the desert and seek something in colder climes.
Unlike the rest of the Known World, Puniseri do not distinguish between the Eastern Wastes and the Punisere, it's simply another of the many colors of the desert and all have kin on both sides of the bore hole.
A Tri Poke who grew up in Punisere is someone who grew up in a very similar lifestyle to the one they now lead. They're easily adaptable to many situations and used to roughing it. Most of their problems will come from learning how to conform to all the expectations the rest of the world will have for them.
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arcadejohn127-9 · 3 years
Note
Hello!1st I wanted to say i love your blog its *chefs kiss*,and 2nd could I request (i dont know if this is in someway triggering or not so i apologize) a MC who doesnt believe the brothers can love them 'cause they despise themself and they are so set on (?) with that mindset that the brothers cant convince them otherwise,but MC themself wants to feel loved they...just cant...and they just breakdown saying they arent special and when the brothers meet other humans they will realise that MC is nothing,that they are a horrible being and they will leave them for somebody better,does that make sense I dont wanna go too deep into it(totaaaaally not self projecting)I am so sorry if this is a sensitive topic,feel free to ignore this ask,this has been eating me out for weeks so I just wanted to seek some comfort.Once again your blog is great and dont overwork yourself, take care! :D 🤍
I've definitely been there and even now, I still have these fears. Growing out of these Insecurities and feelings are hard even if you work hard to be as confident as you can. One day it'll happen but until then you just gotta keep reminding yourself that you're worth the world
Also tip, please don't rely on others for self worth - people can be cruel or simply just unpredictable. Not all but until you see every colour of a person you don't know. If you depend on someone else to give you worth and make you feel good then that'll start a very unhealthy cycle for yourself
I hate this phase "love yourself before you love others" because you don't need to, you can find healthy and happy relationships whilst insecure. But I think what it really means is; get self worth before you love another. Make sure you don't do yourself damage by giving you Someone who does the bare minimum or will sometimes make you feel good but is usually a dick.
You can find love but that love can be wrong if you don't pay attention to the red flags. Don't let your insecurities drag you into unhealthy relationships.
Because you are stunning, worth it and loveable. You're Someone people can look up to or admire even if it's for something simple like your humour.
Also thank you, I'll be sure to not overwork myself, make sure you don't pressure yourself too hard about work or your hobbies. Hobbies are all about fun!
Warning: self loathing, depressive themes, angst
You could stand it.
Your eyes traveled along the gifts and trinkets that were in your room. Each one gifted to you by a powerful demon; a demon you live with.
You couldn't stand it.
You could get it; why would someone like that every like you? You weren't special and yet Everyone insisted that you were. You're not the key. Not anything Diavolo wants or expects. Definitely not what the brothers want.
You had to scoff. The brothers only like you because of Lilith, if you were related then they'd never see you as anything but some human. Lilith dragged you here, she made sure you came here and for what? To be always told you're going to be some big thing; someone to destroy hatred and help bring together three realms.
Do they not realize how much pressure that is??!!!! And the how are you even going to do that?! You're magic is unpredictable and useless - it perfectly reflects you.
You whimpered at your own thoughts. The word useless stinging at your heart; it was almost if a knife lodged itself into your chest. Constantly stabbing the word useless into it.
You were useless. They need to find someone who can actually live up to their expectations. Just a good for nothing human....why do they even like you?
You looked back at the gifts, your watery stare turning into a hateful glare.
The question was burning inside your head. You couldn't understand; what did he see in you? You're not special! You're not anything anyone wants you to be and you're just being forced on a pedestal you didn't make!
Why did he always look at you the way he does? Like you actually mean something. Why does he smile so softly when you enter the room?
Why would he be like that when you KNOW that as soon as he meets another human, he'll be running after them without hesitation. Everyone was so much more attractive than you and better than you - you couldn't get why he loved you. Why- no how?! You weren't good enough for him!
No matter how many times he says I love you or compliments you it leaves such a bitter disgusting taste in your mouth. You're so horrible you can't even let people be nice to you - it's all a lie anyway. No one could love you. Never. No one!
You were useless! Disgusting! You weren't even attractive! You weren't loveable! You're a horrible person who looks just as horrible as they are. How can they look at you like that?! How can they stand you?! You're nothing!
You don't get it!
Why?! Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why-!
A scream ripped itself out of your throat. Tears streaming down your face as you clutched your head. Your body curled into itself, shaking and trembling as you choked on your sobs. You coughed through it as you tried to breath but the tears kept coming. Drowning you as you desperately tried to breath under their weight.
The pain was unbelievable. You felt like your head was on fire. You could barely even make out the figure standing at your door. Whoever they were, they scooped you up from the floor and rubbed circles into your arms. You clutched to them for dear life as you cried.
Somewhere in your brain you could tell who it was and it only made you cry harder. Shame filling your lungs as you tried to escape their caring embrace.
"No-! Stop it! I'm nothing! I'm useless-! Let me go-!! Why- why won't you leave me alone?! I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! LET ME DIE-!"
were you dying? You felt like it. The ache was painful; your chest growing tighter and tighter. You pounded on their chest, demanding they let you be the useless thing that you are alone.
Lucifer:
He forced back his tears
Just rubbing circles into your skin as he held you
To think you were this Insecure despite being the nicest person who knew
You were Better than him and don't let pride stop you - you were amazing
"not good enough for me? What made you believe that...? You're perfect for me, you complete me."
You denied his claims, sobbing as you listed your insecurities
"Your insecurities don't define you, you're so much more than that - I wouldn't of picked you to be my love if I didn't think you'd be adequate."
He wasn't sure if you were still listening but he pushed past his doubts
Adjusting you in his embrace
"I- I'm not sure if I'm comforting you....I'm not good at being the gentle hand, I want you to see how I see you - you're kind, charming and always keeping me in awe, you mean so much to me, I'll trade anything I could just to see you smile - I love you."
Mammon:
There can only be one self loathing idioit in this relationship
He refuses to let you feel like how he has
His forced confidence - you could easily see through it - anyone could
But you were the only one who then actually helped him feel better when you did see through it
He let a few tears stray, holding you close
"did someone say something to you? I don't forgive 'em for ever making ya this upset, I'm not letting you feel like this."
You shook your head, muttering that he should let you
"why should I? You're my favourite person and you've only made me happy - so let me make you happy! You're the only person who's ever treated me the way ya treat me and I won't let you hate yourself!"
He hugged you even tighter, squeezing you as he hid his face in your shoulder
"you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, okay? You always know how to make me feel better and it's my turn to make you feel better but you gotta listen to me! I lo-love you! The great Mammon loves you so badly that he just wants to kiss you every day! You're amazing and I won't forgive ya if you let yourself keep going on like this, let me support you.... please...I don't want you to go."
Levithan:
He couldn't get it
He's always been jealous of your personality and ability to make others feel good
His envy makes him despise himself - so seeing you be the same, he couldn't take it
He gave you one big squeeze
"d-don't be stupid! You're the best thing that's come into my life - even better than ruri-chan!"
You didn't believe him, he was obessed with that character
"but it's true-! If I could I'd get loads of merchandise of you too because you're my favourite person! You're just like the protagonists I read about."
His face was beat red but he was determined to make you feel better
"You're Henry, you are brave and kind, always trying your best even if that best isn't up to your own or others standards, you Inspire me! I've thought about of making a series about you...so others can feel just as happy as I do when I see you, you make me feel less insecure and like I actually mean something - why can I do to make you feel the same? You mean everything to me! I really like you....I like-like you-! I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! Let me make you feel how you make me feel because then you'll see just how amazing you are!"
Satan:
Did someone makes you feel like this or was it just your own thoughts?
If it isn't the latter he'll need to find out who's hurt you
But right now, he hugged you tighter and cradled your head
He couldn't stand to see and hear you so destressed
"did I do something to make you feel like this? I'm so sorry if I did, I don't always realize when I come off rude or hateful- I could never hate you."
You held him tight, telling him to stop
"but I need to fix it if I've hurt you and if it wasn't me then whoever did needs to keep quiet, you don't deserve these feelings."
You huffed, trying to not cry more
He gave your Shoulder a small squeeze
"you're more than enough for me, you're so good to me - sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough for you, you're always so patient with me and don't make me feel like I'm some unthinking beast, you don't think I'm lying when I be genuine and that makes me love you - I do love you - you make me feel good and I want to do the same for you, you're beyond good and I'll always be happy with the person you are and can become because I know you can do so much and always bring positivity even in the darkest times."
Asmodeus:
He's crying too
He hated of being seen as insecure
He only wanted confidence
Seeing you sob and beat on yourself like this only reminded him of his most private moments
He held you even closer, rocking you gently
"No, dear, I love you too much to let you feel like this, you're amazing to me and I think you're better than even myself, you're my number 1."
You shook your head, telling him he's lying
"I'm not, why would I lie? You're the sweetest person I know, you don't see me as some sex object - you make me feel real and happy - so so happy."
He kissed the top of your head, hiding his tear streaked face
"I want you to be happy....you deserve it, you've got only so long to live and I'm so scared that you're going to hate yourself even until you die, I don't want that! You're beautiful amazing and I could never ask for anyone better! Please- just let's work on our confidence together...okay? You're so wonderful, don't let yourself become so hateful."
Beezlebub:
He's absolutely broken
How didn't he realize you felt this bad about yourself??
He didn't even realize he was crying aswell, just holding you close as his mind screamed at him
"did something make you feel like this? It hurts to hear you say these things."
You shook your head before nodding, muttering you just won't talk anymore
"I didn't mean that, I always want you to be open with me and if not me, atleast one of my brother's."
He picked you up, placing you in a more comfortable position and held you close to his chest
"I love you, it took me awhile to realize that but I do, you make me feel full and happy - like I just ate a big buffet of warm cakes and dishes, I'm always warm when I'm with you, I don't believe you're not good enough - you're kind to me and never judge me for eating, you help me with working out but most importantly, you fixed my family and brought my twin back, I don't know how to make you see how much that means to me and I don't want you to feel bad about yourself when you're always the best person in the room - you're really great."
Belphegor:
"just let me die"
Those words hurt him so bad
He was like that, he demanded to be left to Rot with his own self loathing when Lilith died
He pulled you close to his chest as he grabbed your shoulder
"You're not allowed to feel like this, you've done nothing to feel this much hatred towards yourself."
You told him he was wrong, crying harder
"when am I wrong? I- okay, I can be wrong but I'm not wrong about you, you're my favourite person which means I love you and I don't let my favourite people sit and cry."
He cuddled you, nuzzling his cheek against yours
"You saved me and I will never able to make it up to you, I've hurt you and I hate it- I hate that I'm a reason you get scared, don't ever let yourself rot away, when my brother's just leave me to sleep I always feel so much dread - that I'm being left to die in my bed and will never get to see their faces again - I'll never be able to see your face again....I wouldn't be able to take it.....seeing you everyday makes me want to leave my bed and always make sure you smile, let me make you smile again."
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blu-joons · 3 years
Text
Let Me Go ~ Hwang Hyunjin
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“What even happened to us?” Hyunjin questioned, stinging you harshly.
The flinch of your body at the icy tone of his voice was something he’d become accustomed too, as had you, no matter how badly it hurt.
Argument after argument seemed to be the only thing that happened between the two of you anymore. The love you had for each other didn’t seem like a solution anymore, if anything, it only made things worse, creating a passion inside of you both that couldn’t be explained.
As you threw yourself down on the sofa, you were left with no answers. Truthfully, you had no idea what had happened, but what was before you, was something that neither of you liked to see.
Unfolding before your very eyes was a downfall, one that you felt was quickly getting out of hand. The fight in you both was dying, exhausted of coming home night after night just to know that you’d end up screaming profanities at each other. Your lives were becoming vicious cycles, rollercoasters that you just couldn’t get off.
It killed Hyunjin to see you so filled with despair, with every part of him he wanted to stop, but each time he tried, he failed. When you raised your voice, he was left with no choice but to throw his own back at you, no matter how hurtful it was.
He’d always vowed to follow his heart, and whilst his heart knew that he loved you to the ends of the world, the wise part of him began to doubt whether that was enough for him to follow. Was the end of the world really worth the fight inside of him anymore?
His eyes could no longer look at you as he took a seat on the opposite sofa, savouring a few moments of silence that had finally descended over the two of you.
“I’m scared of what’s happening to us,” you whispered, staring down at the floor as you tried to fight back against the tears that were closely threatening to spill, “this isn’t what I want for us to be.”
“It’s not what I want either, I wish we could turn back the clocks,” he confessed.
Despite the sounds of your snuffles breaking your heart, his body was too weak to comfort you, especially as his heart held onto the words that had just been uttered from your lips.
“I’m so tired of fighting with you, I’m tired of going through the pain night after night that comes with being with you,” you continued to speak, finding the strength to finally open up to him. “I think I’ve finally reached my breaking point Hyunjin.”
His eyes flickered across to look at you, noticing how your hands had moved to rest over your face, shielding yourself from anymore anguish that Hyunjin wanted to send your way. “What do you mean by your breaking point? Where does that leave you standing?”
“If things can’t change between us Hyunjin, then I think I love you too much to let this carry on.”
It didn’t take much for him to realise exactly what you were trying to say, “you want to break up?” He outrightly asked, feeling his stomach knot at just the thought of having to let you go as the beat of his heart got a little bit quicker.
“No…yes. I don’t really know what I want any more if I’m honest.”
You’d never quite loved a man like you loved Hyunjin, the way he loved to cuddle up closely to you whenever he could, how he’d remind you every morning and every night how loved you were and lucky he was to have you.
But in between all of that, the love you had for each other faltered. Despite the constant reminders that you were beautiful, it couldn’t hide the words that came from him each time tension rose between the two of you, again and again.
“If you love someone let them go, if it’s true love then they’ll come back,” you heard him mutter under his breath, quickly capturing your attention and your head out of your hands.
The slow nod of your head felt like the final nail in the coffin for Hyunjin, almost as if he was watching you slip further and further away from him. Your strength was slipping away, and the last thing you could do was risk end up losing the person that you were.
As much as you wanted to reach out for Hyunjin, in your heart you already knew the battle was lost. You were ready to give up, and secretly you knew that he was too. If his heart ached like your own, then you were ready to admit that something needed to change, even if it hurt now, for your futures, it would be for the best.
“I give up, and I think you do too,” he finally realised.
At the sound of his confession, a small smile graced your face, relieved that Hyunjin had managed to find himself in the same position that you had. “Maybe time apart will do us a favour, maybe it’s what we need to allow our hearts to realise what we really want, if that’s even each other.”
“It doesn’t make it any easier for me to just let you walk away. I love you, through all of the good and the bad that we’ve endured.”
You slowly rose from the sofa, dabbing underneath your eyelids with the ends of your jumper sleeves. Hyunjin couldn’t bring himself to look at you, his heart knew it was right, but that didn’t make it a scene that he wanted to witness play out before him.
“You know that I love you too, and like you said, if we’re truly meant to be, then we’ll come back to each other,” you whispered, trying to reassure him as best as you could. No words, however, were enough to fix the cracks that were beginning to form inside of him.
“I wish that things didn’t have to be this way, I wish more than anything that this could have worked,” he sighed.
Whilst your head nodded in agreement, you still held onto the hope that one day things would work out for you both. “Maybe right now we’re in the right place, but at the wrong time. When that right time comes, then I know that we’ll be just fine Hyunjin, I promise you.”
As you began to walk around the house, Hyunjin continued to remain seated on the sofa. Although he knew it was for the best, it didn’t make the pain any easier or the realisation that you were leaving any softer of a blow.
“Where will you go?” His voice whimpered as he heard you pull out a bag from the storage cupboard you had underneath the stairs. “I’ll leave if you want me to Y/N.”
“I’ll go,” you whispered, “this is your home after all, you’re the one who’s name is on the tenancy. I’m sure one of my friends will put me up for a couple nights until I make some more permanent arrangements, at least for now, anyway.”
His hands ran through his hair, as his eyes looked around the place, failing to see how he’d adjust to the place just being his own again. At the sound of your footsteps walking towards the door, Hyunjin finally rose to his feet.
“Let me know where you are, and be safe,” he spoke, keeping a small distance between the two of you. “Will you come back?”
A gulp ran down your throat, “I told you Hyunjin, when the time is right, you know that I’ll be back with you in a heartbeat, like I’ve never been away.”
“And what if the time is never right?” He questioned, fearful of your response.
“I guess sometimes that’s just the way it’s got to be.”
---
Masterlist
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darealsaltysam · 3 years
Text
what your paladins main says about you
a comprehensive essay by a paladins player of right around 4 years
this is like really long so i’ll make it under the cut so my followers don’t have to scroll through this if they don’t wanna
(for context i’m a current maeve main, i used to main skye and sha lin and played tyra a long while ago)
.
Androxus
it’s not a phase, mum
“i don’t care we don’t have healer, i’m really good at him i swear”
you ult every time it loads in and you die before the final shot
your favorite mode is siege because you can fly up and shoot the whole point on ult
you’re usually really stand-offish and don’t communicate much and/or a 13 year old boy with anger issues
.
Ash
you are level-headed but in a scary way
you will hold the point solo even if it costs you your streak
“get on the point” “guys get on the point” “attack the objective”
you’ll ult to save yourself 99% of the time
good leader
.
Atlas
you probably used to main lex or androxus before he came out
“he’s like a flank, but a tank, he’s great!”
you chase after solo kills instead of sticking to the point
healers hate you, flanks and damages fear you
your favorite mode is death match
.
Barik
you’re a former/current tf2 player looking for something fresh
you don’t like working too hard so you spam turrets on the point and hope for the best
“healer stick to me i’m boutta ult”
actually really nice between rounds
but you don’t communicate much mid-game and kind of do your thing
.
Bomb King
you’re a really old player. you have the beta makoa skin and you were there when lex was first released. veteran’s discount.
your favorite maps are the old ones and they barely show up any more
the team always underestimates you
“who plays bomb king in 2021 lol?”
you need a hug
.
Buck
“wait, he’s a flank? i thought he was a tank??”
you’re also a veteran in the game
you’re a dying breed. i like never see you. do you even exist?
you’ve been here since like the first day of the game
buck gets so many skins and you want all of them but the best you have is a random recolor
.
Cassie
sweetest person alive
“we can do it guys! let’s try to all rush the point this time!”
you are the bane of every flank
the opposing team hates you, your own team kind of doesn’t notice you’re there
*casually gets a pentakill*
.
Corvus
you know those weirdly political kids who like ww2 and know the details of every tank to ever exist? yeah that’s you
but like that’s corvus. as a character.
but no one ever plays him.
like i never even see him do you exist???
you are a cryptid.
.
Dredge
yo ho you’re a hoe
no seriously the other team views you and they FEAR you
“yeah i just got a penta kill” “YOU WHAT?” “eyes on the point mate don’t get distracted”
hella good at the game and hella casual about it
you like onslaught on the one sea map the most
.
Drogoz
another veteran, are we?
you’re either useless or can wipe out a whole team in seconds. there is no in-between.
you always have a really cool skin.
dovahkiin, dovahkiin...
“i don’t care about the point i gotta get them trips”
.
Evie
you bought her because you thought she was cute, admit it
*turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right be
your personality type is identical to her. no question about that.
always buys faster reload and better speed
strangely good communication with the team
.
Fernando
gay gay homosexual gay
“he’s kinda hot if you look at him the right way”
fernando is the tank for gay people
you are gay people
i don’t have much more to say
.
Furia
mum energy. not as much as inara mains, but still, mum energy.
will protect every member of the team with your life, even the flanks
you’ve been maining her since she was first added
i bet you didn’t even know she’s canonically seris’ sister
“we’ve literally failed to capture the point the last 3 times we might as well give up and go to another game”
.
Grohk
“yeah i have a gremlincore tumblr blog, how could you tell?”
i honestly have no words
you’re kind of like a catboy but a racoon
do you even heal the team or do you just pretend
you were there when lex got announced and thought he was cringe, now everyone finally agrees with you
.
Grover
he was your first purchased character and he’s stuck around ever since
he’s the only healer you can play well
“i am groot lmao”
you would never say a word to your team
would give your life for the tank but that’s about it
.
Imani
daenerys targaryen on drugs
your favorite anime is my hero academia
your husbando is todoroki
you see where i am going with this
“team protect me i’m gonna ult” *dies 5 seconds into ult*
.
Inara
BIG MUM ENERGY
your team is your family. you will protect them with your life.
can only hold your own with a good healer so you have good teamwork going for you
*cutely places wall in front of your ult*
useless in tdm so you stick to onslaught, siege and koth
.
Io
are you a furry, furry, or a furry?
“victow! dont ult on my tweam pwease! uwu!”
you 100% find her attractive in some way shape or form
you are either a 30 year old redditor who enjoys loli content or a 16 year old teen who is playing a shooter for the first time
she’s kind of cute, i guess
.
Jenos
i can never tell if i’m going to absolutely destroy you or if you’re gonna kick my ass
*cutely holds you up so the whole team can shoot you to death*
kamehameha
you’re a healer??? i guess???
your character has such deep lore and i bet you don’t even know half of it
.
Khan
one day you were playing and your team desperately needed a tank. you picked the first one you saw. suddenly, you’re lian’s foot stool
despite 2 layers of heavy armor, you’d still let this man walk all over you
“this skin is really cool, wish it wasn’t behind a pay wall...”
YEET
you actually know the game’s lore, for some reason
.
Kinessa
i never trust people who are good at a sniper. if you’re bad that’s natural and you’re 99% of the population. if you’re good you are definitely up to something
you’d sell your sister for 5 pennies if you could
you’re missing from the team all game and somehow have the most kills
“we have a kinessa???”
you are an urban legend to your team
.
Koga
someone’s been watching naruto
you are so shit at the game. like i’m sorry. no one’s good at koga i’m so sorry
how do you have so many skins for one character???
you’re always missing from the point
healers hate you. so does the enemy kinessa.
.
Lex
quit the game /nm
“who mains lex in 2021??? lmao???”
wall hacks, aimbot, and it’s all legal for you as an ability. you are a hacker in a world of puny vanillas. you like it easy so you go for the easy min max character. have fun getting hated
you think he’s hot and press on his loading abilities just so he can scold you and you can hear him being mad at you
*bonk* go to horny jail
.
Lian
"she could step on me”
you used to main some sort of healer but switched over when you got sick of everyone being needy
you can hold a point all on your own for a really really long time but the moment your team gets there you start flunking
you wish you had more skins for her
you don’t
.
Maeve
so imagine this. it was like 2018 and you were just chilling playing the game. you kept getting killed by maeve. in every game. she was in every game you went to and she kept killing you over and over and over again. you got frustrated, snapped, and bought her to see if you could do the same to others. you are now the maeve in every game. the cycle repeats.
your whole team doubts you but then you casually get a quad kill and they just sort of look away
you die a total of two times each round and 99% of the time it’s because you go too fast and fall off the map
you repeat everything she says in her accent because you think it’s cute
“welcome to ze meant streets, kitten!” “can you shut the fuck up” “i hate to cut and run, he-he!”
.
Makoa
you have the plushie skin or the beta skin, otherwise you don’t main and only play casually stop lying to yourself
“attack turtle go brrr”
you’re really good if you get paired with a good healer
otherwise you’re useless
you wish you could get better teammates because you could really thrive with an organized group. but on paladins you won’t get that, i’m sorry-
.
Mal’Damba
i always forget this guy is even in the game
you’re definitely under 6 foot IRL
you have an older sibling you always fight with
you’d love to have a snake irl
you’re really chill outside of the game, but when playing you hella rage
.
Moji
you are so precious
but also such a little shit
you annoy me but i also want to give you a hug
“let’s go guys!! to the point!! wheee!!”
please never change but also get out of my sight
.
Octavia
you always main the new character until the new person drops
somehow always have enough credits to buy the new champion whenever they come out
you don’t like having a stable main cuz you get bored
you like hanging out at the training rage
hate siege and love team death match, you like your games quick
.
Pip
you are the worst and best thing to ever happen to this game
you only pick him to heal yourself and hardly ever heal your team
no one notices you there until you ult
then you get focused
honestly you just seem like you wanna do your thing and i can respect that
.
Raum
you probably go to therapy or desperately need it
“BIG MAN BIG. HE IS BIG. BRRRR”
you always love the demons in media
you like being in charge of the team and wreck the point any time you are there, you like fighting on your own but having a healer nearby is nice too
you probably have daddy issues
.
Ruckus
you think ruckus’ and bolt’s dynamic is cool and that’s one of the main reasons you started playing him
he’s the only tank you can play
you used to main either inara or ying at some point but chose violence instead
really short irl. you physically relate to ruckus and spiritually to bolt.
“funny goblin man :)”
.
Seris
certified girlboss
you can hold an objective all on your own or heal your whole team no problem. either way you are SLAYING
“alright. who’s ass am i kicking today?”
mum energy is inferior to inara but still kind of there
i’m like 50% sure you have a foot fetish
.
Sha Lin
*pointing and chanting* incel, incel, ince-
whether that’s about you or the character you can decide
you like minecraft bedwars on the side
“if i don’t get this headshot i am literally going to spontaneously combust”
really useful when there’s no other long distance people - otherwise a nuisance
.
Skye
AWOOGA *jaw drops to ground, eyes roll out of head* BOOBA BOOBA BOOBA
you bought her for the tiddies, didn’t you?
she’s actually really satisfying to play once you get the hang of her, but can be real tough on rough days
you need a break i think - maybe play some other game for a bit?
*casually gets team kill with ult*
.
Strix
you own at least one pretty knife
you played him when he was unlocked on rotation, fell in love, and spent a whole evening collecting credits to buy him fully
“haha bird man”
i’ve said what i said about snipers. if you’re actually good at him you are hiding a body somewhere. i fear you.
why does everyone ship him with viktor????
.
Talus
little furry child
he reminds me of tommyinnit because he is small and annoying
if you play him you are tall and intimidating 
i’m friends with a tall scary talus main
i can’t say bad things please spare me
.
Terminus
you always ult at the worst time and just get killed again 5 seconds after
“hey losers watch this” *goes on the point, dies, revives, kills one person and dies again*
you’re only a good tank if you cooperate
you don’t
on your own you’re a pretty good player
.
Tiberius
*sigh*
you think the cat is hot, don’t you?
“his accent is kinda cute tho hehe”
you saw that one ending scene in zootopia with the dancing tigers and it CHANGED you
you are probably a furry. if not your awakening is coming. be ready.
.
Torvald
you’ve been playing this game for too long
you’ve seen skins rise and fall. you’ve seen nerfs and buffs. you’ve seen reworks and remakes. you are ancient. older than the dragons and wiser than makoa. respect.
people see you on the opposing team and get really annoyed
“the point is really crowded, we can’t move in” “don’t worry guys, my ult is charged up”
you’re really good at all the characters but you like this guy a lot because you think he’s funky fresh
.
Tyra
you’re either new to the game or have been playing for too long
either way you can KICK ASS but you need to keep behind your team to do the most damage
flanks are the bane of you, especially the fast jumpy ones
you really want one of the cooler skins but you can only ever get the basic ones. such is the curse of maining one of the OG characters.
“bite me”
.
Viktor
you are level 100+ guaranteed, and everyone fears you
“oh shit they got a victor. flank focus him”
you probably play COD and CS:GO normally and wanted to go with something familiar and easy. your skill from the other more advanced games DWARFS everyone else
but why are you playing “guy with gun 132″ in a game with magical elves and fairies. like come on bro.
you don’t have any in-game friends because paladins is your guilty pleasure game you would never admit to
.
Vivian
“step on me” syndrome cranked up to 100%
this woman could spit on you and you’d still respect her more than your own mother. good for you
“i’m not a simp. i’m just tier 3 subbed to pokimane ironically”
you sweat the game hardcore. former victor main or he’s your secondary.
you’ve got her on level 50+ at least
.
Vora
like the maeve mains but somehow worse
bought her out of spite or played her while she was on rotation, now here you are grinding credits for her a day after she became unavailable
honestly you’re really good at the game i have nothing else to say
you enjoy the newer characters more than the OGs - you’re either a former vivian or lian main
you miss the play of the game feature in the game because you’d get all of them with this girl
.
Willo
you seem like the moji mains at first but show your true colors soon after
“fuck you” x50
you are a trash talker on max overdrive. you need to sit down, do some breathing exercises and have a drink.
you hate your own team more than the opposing guys
when you see a willow on the opposing team you make it your sole goal to eliminate her as many times as humanely possible
.
Yagorath
i bet you didn’t know she was canonically female until you read this
you don’t like sweating too much so you pick the tank that leaves you heavily relying on your healers and damages
you can hold a point really well so you like siege and onslaught
“are vora and yagorath connected in the lore somehow and do i really care?”
you have a friend who you always party up with to be your healer, otherwise you might switch to another character
.
Ying
“tanks love me, flanks hate me”
you are too powerful. literally. how are you so strong
you’ve mastered the most difficult healer in the game. the others are really easy for you to play but you have trouble with seris
motivate your team a lot but start shading and trash talking if they don’t cooperate
you’ll gladly play someone else for a long while and like taking breaks from her
.
Zhin
this is your first main after switching over from overwatch. we can smell it on you.
you’re really annoyed with his personality and voice lines but the character is too good to play for you to pass him up for that. you respond to his voice lines aloud very aggressively to let him know he’s an ass
“YES ZHIN HEALERS AREN’T USELESS YOU SELFISH PRICK”
you try your best but you’re not a great team player
infinite trips on a good day, die repeatedly without kills on a bad one and you switch over to vora or skye for a bit.
.
this took me hours to write out pls leave reblog and note thanks uwu
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simpingforsoftboys · 3 years
Text
Too Little Too Late
ft. IwaOi
G/N reader
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TW: Neglect, manipulation, toxicity in general, swearing
Read this first
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tysm for the request anon! It’s about time Y/n stood up for themselves don’t you think? That’s the thing about relationships like these. It’s so hard to get out of them once you’re in deep- even if you can see every single red flag clear as day.
Also I’ve decided that since these are lengthy- there will be separate parts for Kuroken, SakuAtsu, and OsaSuna in the future.
 This one is something I actually turned into a two shot: part one and part two. So same plot line, just goes more in depth on the “break up” part.
This was it, you were finally going to do it. After two decades of following your soon to be ex boyfriends around, it was time for you to step out of their shadow- into the limelight of independency. Still, you felt like a coward- leaving them while neither were even in the country. It was petty perhaps, but deep down within your heart- the vindictive, evil, and cruel part of you whispered that this was what they deserved. You were nearly finished packing- two suitcases stuffed to the max with your clothing and any small, expensive purchase you bought for yourself. Now all you needed to do was shove anything else that could fit into your duffel bag. 
This wasn’t a new idea. Leaving them that is. In fact, you’d been thinking about it for years already. Honestly, you doubted you’d have even begun noticing just how unbalanced your current dynamic with your two “lovers” was, until a stranger- turned friend had pointed it out. 
His name had been Miya Atsumu- he had gone to Tokyo University just like you and was the starting setter for their volleyball team. He was flirty at first, acting like a stereotypical frat boy. Despite telling him you had not one- but two partners- he hadn’t left you alone at that fateful party. 
“Wait... yer datin’ that newbie setter from Argentina? AND Iwaizumi... the one who’s boutta transfer over to that American university?” Atsumu questioned incredulously, nearly doing a spit take, he leans over your figure and places his red solo cup down on the counter behind you. 
“Yeah... I know it’s not a normal relationship-” You begin, already used to defending you and your lovers. 
“Nah, that’s not what I’m sayin’ darlin.” The blonde replies, his words make him seem as though he’s hitting on you but somehow there’s an undertone of genuine concern. “Neither of em have even spared ya a glance since ya got here! Seems like they’re the ones in love- not the three of ya.”
You had frowned at his words, shaking them off easily. The three of you were in love, besides, no stranger could have deduced that at first glance- if anything he was just trying to meddle in your happy relationship... so why did his words continue to plague you that night, and for many nights after that? 
Looking back on it now, you should have listened to Atsumu sooner. 
You had countless discussions with Hajime and Toru after the night of the party. They had seemed genuinely sorry and made an effort to be more inclusive. However, they slowly fell back into old habits- time and time again- as if they had forgotten the promises they had made. 
There would be no more discussions, no more nights staying up, waiting for them to come back home from their date. 
There would be no more of the three of you- just Hajime and Toru. 
That thought prevented you from picking up the framed photo on your bedside- the one of you three. It had been taken at a children’s festival that the three of you had taken Takeru too. It was probably the last photo where you had been so blinded by your love for them that you completely glossed over the fact that the only people they were looking at were each other. 
“Y/n... what are you doing?” A raspy voice called from the bedroom’s doorway, startling you from your memories. Body shaking, you turned around to face the owner of the voice. “We came home early to surprise you... only to find you packing your bags?” 
The same two people that you didn’t want to see stood before you. Both toted suitcases and smelt like the airport. You couldn’t find it within yourself to look them in the eyes, fearing that if you did you’d lose your strength, turn around, and begin unpacking.
“Y/n... prince(ss), what’s going on? Talk to us.” Toru whispered, speaking to you as if you were a cornered animal. That analogy wasn’t wrong per say but it did nothing to help you calm your nerves. 
You knew it shouldn’t have but for some reason his tone had made your heart skip a beat.
“Yeah babe, let’s put the bags down and take a seat... we can talk about this right after me and Toru shower.” Hajime agreed, his poor choice of words stirring anger within your soul- intense and smoldering like Zeus’s lightning bolts.
“No!” You cry, tears of pent up anger, hurt, and every other negative repressed emotion, begins to well up in your eyes. “I’m going to say this one last time- then I’m going to leave. We won’t talk. I’m not going to... to wait until you finish showering. I’m sick and tired of this- this absolute fucking BULLSHIT!” 
They stare at you wide eyed, not quite knowing how to respond. You don’t even give them the chance to think about how to do so- instead you opt to continue your rant. 
“I love you two so damn much. So, so much- to the point that it hurts me.” Your gaze flickered between the two of them. “Loving you... it breaks my heart. I can’t do it anymore Toru, Hajime. I wanted too- God knows I do. But I can’t keep doing this-”
Toru lets his carry on drop to the floor and races over, attempting to embrace you in a hug. Every bone, every fiber, literally every part of you is begging you to stay trapped in his arms. He’s warm and he’s here. It’s all you’ve ever wanted. 
Too little too late.
You shove him off, biting back sobs. Hajime hurries behind him, catching the taller male as he falls. 
“Y/n calm down what’s going on? What did we do?” Olive green eyes flit over to meet yours, they’re just as lovely as they have always been. But you notice that they’re also cold, like jade bracelets and old watered down matcha tea. 
“It’s what you didn’t do Haji.” You say and they can see the heart ache on your face. “I love you but you don’t love me- not as much as I love you at least.” Both of them look like they want to argue but you shake your head- effectively silencing them. The picture on the night stand stares back at you tauntingly- ignorance was indeed bliss it seems. Grasping it lightly you place it on the ground and kicked it gently, letting it slide over to where Toru and Hajime are still seated on the ground. The brunette takes it in his hands and examines it. 
“This was when we took Takeru to the children’s festival!” 
“Yeah... we were so happy then... where did that go wrong Y/n? When did you stop smiling like this?” Hajime whispers. 
“I stopped smiling like that when I realized the truth- about us.” They watch as you take a deep breath, composing yourself. “It took me a long while, but I’ve been coming to terms with it.” A choked gasp escapes your lips, leading you to quickly spill the rest of your well kept insecurities. “This... this thing we have going on- it’s a toxic, endless cycle. There’s no us- it’s just Hajime and Toru plus Y/n.”
Toru’s expression morphs from empathetic to down right murderous. He’s offended that you would dare imply something like that. Deep down, you’re sure he knows you’re actually right, and he’s just acting like that to save his pride. A pang of shame hits you- when had you begun thinking mean thoughts like that?
“How could you say that?” He spits, tone devoid of sweetness, now replaced with lethal venom. “Everything we do is for you. We give you money, this nice home, space, time- our love. And you have the fucking gall to say we’re ostracizing you from our relationship? What the hell are you thinking Y/n?” 
You’ve never seen him this angry- not in all the years you’ve known the setter. It sorta terrifies you. Hajime doesn’t bother to reprimand Toru for his tone like usual, instead he looks like he agrees with him. 
“He’s right Y/n, everything we do is for you. Are you mad because we didn’t take you to a wedding? Guess what- that’s just business. Stop being so damn jealous for no reason. You can’t be selfish in our sort of relationship. Didn’t you know that in the first place?” 
They don’t- won’t see things from your point of view. Honestly, what were you even expecting.
“When have I EVER been selfish? I cook, clean, and practically orbit around the two of you. I’m not mad just because of a FUCKING WEDDING! I’m upset- and hurt because you can’t ever see from my eyes. Don’t think I haven’t seen the differences between the looks you give me verses each other. The date nights you forget to include me in- the stolen kisses in the morning you give each other without even thinking about me. Even when I try to initiate something I’m ‘too clingy’ or you’re ‘too busy.’ FUCK THAT. I deserve better. So I think I deserve to be selfish just this once- because this is something I need to do for me. Not for you.” 
They’re stunned, unable to speak. So they say nothing at all, watching you zip up your duffel bag and single handedly take all your baggage out into the living room by yourself. Neither of them say anything when there’s a knock on the door and they can hear your best friend enter their home and help you take your stuff down to their car. 
There’s nothing they can do. So they go to bed without showering, thinking about the things you said and reflecting. You made it quite clear to them. It’s over- the three of you.
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prof-peach · 3 years
Note
Hello professor, I have a pretty heavy question I’m afraid, but I’m running out of people to ask, so I’ll try my best to keep it PG13.
It’s my Mienshao, Daisy. Up until recently, she and I were members of a police task force tasked with rooting out illegal Pokemon smuggling rings and underground high stakes tournaments. We’ve been partners for a long time, me and Daisy, we grew up together, and I dare say we made a great team. But then things went wrong.
For the sake of security I can’t go into too much detail, but we were participating in a raid when we got ambushed. Someone must have tipped the smugglers off, because they were waiting for us when we got there. During the firefight, there was an explosion, a gas tank got set on fire by a charizard, I believe, and Daisy and I happened to be close. She got out with a few minor burns and scrapes, I... Did not.
I’ll spare you the gory details, but I have been confined to a wheel chair ever since, and I am due to be fitted for a prosthetic leg next week.
I won’t lie, the transition has been hard for everybody, me, my friends, my family. My other Pokémon have been hovering around me like over protective nannies for weeks. But I think out of all of us, Daisy has been taking it the hardest. Half of the day she spends locked to my side like a bodyguard, threatening to punch anyone that gets too close into oblivion. And the other half, well...
She’s started putting herself through some kind of hellish self training routine. Doing katas until she all but collapses from exhaustion, running laps for hours, fighting every Pokemon she can convince to fight, wild or trained. Daisy’s always been tough, and she’s always loved training, but this... This isn’t training, it’s a death march. I’m getting extremely worried, and that’s not even everything!
She’s stopped eating her favorite foods, deliberately choosing ones I know she hates, she won’t let me pet her anymore, she just steps out of reach, trying not to look at me. But most worryingly, she’s started cutting off her whiskers. She’s always been so proud of her whiskers, she groomed them every day, always got grumpy when I teased her for having a big ol’ mustache. Now anytime they get longer than an inch, she slices them off with her claws and throws them in fireplace, like some kind ceromony.
I’m almost certain Daisy feels guilty for coming out mostly unscathed, when I didn’t. She’s always been a bit protective, even before we joined the police, and she’s saved my life multiple times out in the field, but now she feels like she’s failed me, I think. I’ve tried to convince her that it wasn’t her fault, but that only seems to redouble her efforts. I’m terrified she’s going to burn herself out if she keeps going like this, and I don’t know what to do.
I know this is a pretty heavy question, but I I’m not sure who else to ask. Is there anything I can do to convince her that she doesn’t need to hurt herself like this? Or, something? Just anything to help! Losing my leg was jarring, but losing Daisy would be unbearable!... I just... I just want my best friend to be okay.
I am sorry for what you’ve been through, I cannot begin to understand what it’s like to be in your shoes, but like all recovery, physical or mental, this will take a fair bit of time to get past, you both may never fully return to how things were, but it can get better and you can both return to a full life together with work and dedication.
I’ve certainly seen Pokemon go to extreme lengths after dangerous incidents to protect their loved ones or themselves, in this case it would be wise to assume your pokemons suffering with a hefty bill of PTSD, and needs some actual therapy to handle the feelings and thoughts they’re having. We have facilities to accommodate that if you’re local to Johto, but most Pokemon centres will be able to put you in contact with reliable and certified practices to begin unravelling the issues that now plague Daisy.
That she considers herself to have come away reasonably unscathed is not true, yes your life has physically changed, but she needs to step back and take a look at her life too. Everything’s different now, and more specifically how she’s treating herself and handling her feelings. If that’s not trauma and injury, I don’t know what else it could be. You both came away with damage that day, physical or not. The first step is to help her see that, and to begin to understand that despite this all, you can both continue to move forward together if you can overcome the injury together, it is an event you shared, and you two can aid each others recovery with time and care.
There’s some seriously gifted therapists out there, those who study for years and can help far more than me, they’ll take time to break down the events, and start to really get into the feelings that your partner is going through. The cycle for Daisy right now comes around to self-punishment, and seems to be stuck on a loop. She needs time and space to process her feelings of guilt, grief, fear and loss, facing them instead of burying herself in her rigorous training. While it is difficult to discuss, you two have a strong bond that means you could talk with her. Try to remind her who’s truly responsible, she may be blaming herself, which is pretty common in these situations, but at the root of it, you were doing your routine job, and the bad guys, the Pokemon smugglers and goons are to blame. THEY caused the issue, not her, and while it may not sink in right away it’s worth saying, and sticking to. You said you told her that it wasn’t her fault, which is the gut reaction, perhaps giving her a logical target instead of herself will work better for now. Reiterating the true issue, and taking the heat off of her may help with other tasks such as self care, later down the recovery road.
Her guilt will feel terrible, but it kind of works as a protector, keeping her distanced from the worse, more overwhelming feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. In fact the guilt that masks this all will slowly make things worse over time. That underlying intense emotion below the guilt is what you both need to work through, but more than anything, she needs to face it, in her own time, come to terms with it, and eventually (hopefully) come to an understanding that life is an endless cycle of events, things will happen, but you have to pick yourself up and turn the lemons into lemonade. She could have lost you that day, that you came away with your life is a miracle, and now you two get more time together because of that. Luck isn’t something that runs out, it’s not like there’s only so much of it to go around, it is like wining the lottery. Sometimes 20 people win, other times no one does. It’s hard to accept, but there’s no greater order to stuff that happens, but when we can come to this conclusion, it’s oddly freeing. I’ve seen a fair few Pokemon in a symilar state who can move on when they realise there’s an odd randomness to the world and everything that goes on.
This is a job for someone with far greater skills than I, but you must help her by also looking after yourself, laugh when you can, show her that your life is still very full, and that you have loved ones, and joy to share with others. You mentioned that you’re due a prosthetic, and though the transition will be long and no doubt a little difficult at first, getting yourself back on two feet (kind of) will show her, and your other Pokemon that you’re willing to move forward. I think there’s a lot to be said about talking during this all. She wants to fight, to be strong, if this is how she’s going to cope, fine. If she’s out training, sit with her, spend whatever time you can by her side, as she’s taking this the hardest. You don’t have to say a thing, just try to do your best, without putting yourself in too much discomfort or pain. Reminding her who would be devastated if it had been her who got hurt, if she was not around, may help ground her back in reality a bit. You both got granted a gift that day, you came away alive, if she works so hard she burns out, that gift was wasted. She can use her kindness, and strength to help you, she can pass her knowledge and skill forward, but it’s hard to help others, and do your best if you’re exhausted beyond reason. Kind of like trying to give people bread from a basket but the damn basket is empty yknow? You got to take time to refill so you can help those around you again, so you have some bread to give. I know, probably sounds a little dumb but it’s always been the way I remember it.
Another very useful thing I’ve found with trauma survivors would be meeting others who have been in the same position. There’s plenty of support groups for both people and Pokemon who have been through events that left them in a difficult situation, emotionally and physically. Even here at the lab we have many species who have been left without limbs, with life changing damage, and a lot of them also have the emotional trauma too. She would probably do well to spend time with them, you can send her to a resort to retreat and recoup erase, mix with others who were just as angry as she is now, or you can take time to go with her to groups to interact with others. It’s one thing to have humans help, but it’s a whole other level of connection when Pokemon can help their own. They bond quicker, trust faster, and generally are more open to listening when it’s coming from a place of mutual experience. If she had time to talk to pokemon who actually lost their trainers, or parts of themselves, she may find some peace, even if only temporarily.
Don’t mention the whiskers, and where possible don’t offer her foods she actively likes, but also not ones she actively dislikes. Just for now. Start the ball rolling with just plain simple things that are neither good or bad. Indifferent is better than bad right now, the punishment she’s inflicting on herself will need addressing further, so contact a therapist, they use Rotom or porygon to translate from poke-speech to human language, and the repair can begin with a registered professional. My advice is not sound proof, I certainly feel like I have missed something important, it’s a big response, but it’s a start in the right direction, and should you come up to any further issues, message back and update us with what’s going on. With work you two will be on track to recover. Remember, patience is the biggest thing here, you two have history, and a therapist will no doubt take the sessions as a pair, and work with you to help Daisy feel less guilty over time. I hope you both find peace, and that both of you repair in due time. Good luck with the new leg, a step towards recovery for sure.
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Text
Writing Prompt: Home
Percy stood by the bulletin board in the Big House, fingers tracing the edge of a photo of him, Annabeth and Grover. His sixteen-year-old face smiling widely at him with his arms thrown around Annabeth and Grover’s shoulders.
Seven years later, Percy still remembered taking the photo. The day before he was set to go back to Goode, his first time going to the same school two years in a row. The happiness that was in their features hadn’t lasted long. But it was nice that this moment was immortalised.
“Feeling nostalgic?”
Percy found a smile rising to his face as he saw Chiron duck his head to avoid hitting the doorframe, joining Percy to look at the other photos of campers that had accumulated over the years. Faces that Percy had grown up with, and new ones.
“Can’t help it. Every time I come here...it’s like travelling back in time.”
Percy removed his hand from the photo and let it drop to his side. Chiron gave him a small smile and looked fondly at the collage of photos. In the corner there was even a faded photograph of Chiron smiling smugly while Mr D held a goblet disapprovingly.
“Does it feel different coming back?” Chiron asked. Percy stepped away from the photos and went to stand in front of the window glancing out to look at the fields outside.
“Yeah. In a good way, but…” Percy sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to flatten it, “I feel bad I guess. That I left. This was home for so long.” His fingers itched to move so he brought them to the necklace that still hung around his neck. All the years later he still tried to wear it every day, even sometimes underneath his work clothes. The beads had a permanent place around his place and sat perfectly in the hollow of his throat, a constant familiar presence.
“You didn’t leave, Percy,” he reassured. Percy thumbed his first camp bead, staring at the glowing trident.
“Didn’t I?”
“No. You deserve a life outside of here. It’s because of you that you have a world to go to, you deserve a chance to live in it. It’d be foolish of you not to.”
“You make it sound like I did it alone,” he gestured to the photo collage, “Each of those people played a part. Every person that steps foot into camp played a part in that. They deserve to be out there too.”
“When they know what they’re up against then they can. Until then I will train them.”
“Don’t you ever wish we could do more?”
“Every day.”
“I feel like I ran away from the fight.”
“Every hero yields in the end. And yielding is not always a bad thing.”
“So why does it feel like it?”
“Why are you so full of doubt? You seemed so sure, so happy with your decision before.” Percy thought back to when he had finally managed to graduate high school, and made the final decision to go to college and move away from New York. The sharp pain that had settled in his chest when he had watched Camp grow smaller and smaller the further they went. The pain hadn’t eased till Annabeth had gripped his hand, reassuring him that they’d be back. That this wasn’t forever.
Percy sighed deeply and reached into his pocket to press his fingers against Riptide for comfort.
“Things have changed. And I guess- I’m scared,” Percy let out a choked laugh. Things had definitely changed if he was able to admit he was scared.
“Is everything okay?”
“Annabeth’s pregnant.”
Chiron’s eyes widened before his face broke out into a smile.
“Congratulations!” He reached down and patted Percy on the shoulder. But Percy didn’t mirror his smile. Slowly Chiron retracted his hand and gave him a questioning look.
“Are you not happy?”
Percy rushed to correct him, shaking his head wildly.
“Oh gods, I’m ecstatic, don’t get me wrong. But...Annabeth and I always said we wouldn’t have kids unless we were positive we’d be bringing them into a safe world...and now that we are- I don’t know if it’ll ever be safe. Like we’re demigods for Hades’ sake.”
“Is that why you came back?” Percy nodded.
“I don’t know anywhere safer than here. It’s like I never want to let her out of my sight.” Almost to prove his point Percy looked out to the fields again, trying to get a glimpse of Annabeth who was at her cabin, catching up with family members and any of the campers they had once trained with. Though he knew exactly where she was, Percy could feel the edge of anxiety heightening his senses, hyper-aware of any possible dangers.
“And I guess, I wanted advice. I know you don’t have kids of your own, but, you have this camp. When I wasn’t with my Mom and Dad, I had you. I already asked my Mom how she did it; how she lived with the fear of having a child in our world.”
“What did she say?”
“She said she loved me too much to ever feel scared.”
“That’s all a parent can do Percy.”
“That’s not very helpful,” he huffed. Chiron laughed and gestured to the doorway, leading the two of them out of the Big House and to the centre of camp where the cabins were.
“You asked me if I wished we could do more, to help them,” he nodded in the direction of campers in their orange shirts, playing volleyball, their laughter drifting in the wind. “Each day, for the years I have been alive, I give them my knowledge about protecting themselves, I teach them our history so that they may one day learn from our mistakes. I love them and watch them grow. Sometimes they leave and sometimes they use the knowledge I’ve passed on and they create a life of their own, and save the world along the way. Sometimes they come back. Sometimes what I’ve taught them isn’t enough...and they don’t. It’s an endless cycle when you think of it, this role I chose. But what more can I do when I have dedicated my life to this. The world still needs heroes, and as long as those heroes need guidance I will give it to them. What more can I do when I’ve given them a chance?”
“You were raised by a brilliant woman, Perseus, she gave you the best chance she could by loving you. The best you can do for your own child is the exact same. And with Annabeth by your side, I have no doubt you’ll achieve that.”
~
“Did you have a good talk with Chiron?” Annabeth asked as she pulled the blanket over her legs. Percy helped her adjust the sheets, tucking her in and sitting next to her. They’d been given the Poseidon cabin to stay at for the meantime; Percy’s two half-siblings on a quest together.
Though they visited every summer, being back in his old cabin, even in his old bed, was giving Percy an odd sense of deja vu.
Percy nodded, but his attention was elsewhere, noting all the new scratches and the weapons hung on the wall that didn’t belong to him. His heart went out to his siblings, the call for a quest, taunting him after so many years of him wishing it would be someone else when he was younger.
“Seaweed Brain?” Annabeth said softly. Percy turned to her fully and shook his head, trying to clear it with thoughts. Annabeth’s face was etched with concern, and Percy placed his hands over hers, which laid over her stomach that was starting to show.
“I’m okay.”
“It’s weird, isn’t it? Coming back after all this time,” she said looking around the cabin as well. Percy nodded again, readjusting himself in the bed so he could hold her closer.
“We visit every summer though,” he pointed out, but Annabeth shook her head and then leaned against his shoulder.
“It’s different, we’ll be here for a while, we don’t need to leave at the end. We don’t need to always look behind our shoulders, at least not for now. It’s nice.”
“Chiron said something today...I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
“Hmm?” Idly, Percy traced circles on her shoulder as he brought his arms around her.
“Something about giving heroes a chance, that’s what it all comes down to. Doesn’t it? No matter how good you are, powers, training, knowledge, all of that goes out the door, because it’s up to the Fates isn’t it?” Annabeth sat up straighter turning to him.
“I like to think we play a part in it as well, just because the Fates have a say, doesn’t mean all choices are taken away from us. We chose to leave camp. And I don’t regret that.” She said firmly.
“How’d you know I was thinking about that?”
“Because I know you, Perseus Jackson.”
“No matter what the Fates have in store for us, Percy, I’m willing to go through it. If it means I’m by your side. I know we didn’t want to come back to Camp, but is it so bad when it ensures our safety? This was our home growing up. It’ll be a great place for our child to grow up, then we can leave when it’s safe again.”
“We left because we thought we’d be safe. Now I’m wondering if we should’ve stayed so that we could’ve avoided coming back...does that make sense?”
“Perce.”
“Yeah yeah. I know. I’m not upset about being here exactly. But after everything, I just thought we’d done enough for the Fates to believe we could get a break from this world. Let us live in ignorance for a bit. It’s selfish but maybe we deserve to be a bit selfish?”
“I know.” She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against Percy’s, closing her eyes.
She pulled back and pressed a kiss to his cheek before laying down, signalling that she was finished with this conversation. The pregnancy was constantly leaving her tired, and even now, Percy could see the purple beneath her eyes despite the excessive amount of hours she was sleeping. Carrying a demigod child was taking a toll on her, and it was slowly killing Percy. He made sure he tucked her in tightly before leaving his cabin and making the familiar trek to the water where his thoughts finally began to calm.
He looked out into the deep blue of the night, and the seemingly bottomless ocean.
“I know you’re listening, Father...I don’t think I want to talk. But if you could listen? I think I just need that,” Percy paused, waiting for a reaction. When he didn’t get one, he eased himself onto the sand and rolled up his pants so that he could dip his feet into the low tide.
“After the war, it was so hard for me to leave camp. Especially after Gaea took me. I felt that every time I left I’d come back and see my home in ruins. Everything I’ve done since I found out I was your child has been to preserve this Camp. It means more to me than a location probably should, but it was always there for me to come back to. But after Jason, I needed to leave. I was so tired of coming back to a camp and seeing one less face. I know it wasn’t my fault, but it felt like I was being taunted, that I couldn’t save him...because I was somewhere else. Leaving after college was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And now coming back, I’m scared that once I leave something bad is going to happen again. It’s not just Annabeth on the line anymore, I could risk it with her because she can protect herself but if our child is at risk? What do I do then?” The words were rushing out of Percy like a dam breaking, and he was stumbling and gasping over his words as tears welled up inside his chest, demanding to be released.
“Coming back means leaving. And I don’t think my heart can take it.”
There was a soft breeze and Percy felt the water at his feet grow colder. He looked up from where he had buried his face in his arms.
“You cannot let fear rule your life. Or you will forget to live.”
Percy scoffed at his Father and shook his head, not bothering to stand up. Other gods would have been offended, but Poseidon looked down sympathetically at Percy and sat down, lowering himself to Percy’s level.
“Let me rephrase that. Fear will always be a part of your life, it will always be there because you are my son and Annabeth is Athena’s daughter, you are Heroes of Olympus, and with that title, someone or something will always be hateful-”
“Is this meant to make me feel better?” Poseidon let out a chuckle and Percy rolled his eyes.
“Let me finish. Fear will always exist. But there are things that are more powerful than that. Think of your mother, her fear of Gabe, and her fear of monsters finding you when you were young...neither ever stopped her loving you, it made her fight harder to protect you. Your own fear of your prophecy didn’t stop you from fulfilling it, because you cared too much for your city and your friends. My own fear of my brother when you were accused of stealing the bolt didn’t stop me from claiming you. The same applies here. Your fear of coming back and leaving Camp Half Blood doesn’t make it any less your home. It will always protect you.”
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life-rewritten · 3 years
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ITSAY EP 4- SELF-SABOTAGE, HINDERANCES, AND REVERSE HELPS
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Warning a painful post coming. I cried so much while analysing this. A lot happened on episode 4 of ITSAY, and I've spent days trying to process. First of all, with that episode my weary heart grows hopeful for a happy ending, even if it is bittersweet, I can't see what else they could possibly do after breaking my heart into pieces. So yes I don't see deaths coming, I don't even see running away from feelings coming anymore, I feel like episode 4 fulfilled all the foreshadowing clues left, and there's nothing left now except but to wait and see the results of the exams. To fully understand the episode and relieve that whole heartbreak again, let's analyse the theme this time and this time let's look deeply at Tehs: Self-loss, regression and sabotage because of the overwhelming consequences of feelings. 
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THE CONSEQUENCES OF MISTRANSLATION OF THE HEART
For me, this episode was like a cut that refused to heal. It's easy to predict most of the events that occur in this episode: Teh freaking out about his sexuality, trying to distance himself from Oh, Oh getting hurt becoming resentful, Oh becoming even more hurt when Teh finally tries to call what they have off, both become lost and confused and defeated, Teh gives up all he has for Oh, Oh rejects it and they return back to their rivalry/ their relationship regresses.
 Remember in my previous post (here) I said that Episode 1 was going to be mirrored in Episode 5, that there were so many full circle moments they could return to. Well, I think Episode 1 started to be reflected in Episode 4 with our characters: Oh and Teh have repeated a cycle again of resentment, rivalry and regression (will discuss this in my next post). They've returned back to their old state as rivals no longer friends, no longer lovers, no longer intimate. 
And it's not like Teh wanted this to happen. Teh is so lost when he's without Oh, remember he's addicted and obsessed with Oh, Oh is like the only thing that keeps him grounded and not restless. The fear of losing Oh is something that Teh can't control, it causes him to act out, to lose his mind and it causes him to try and try and try every single time to ensure it doesn't happen. But Teh forgot who Oh was, and I also did. We all screamed from the top of our lungs that Teh would give up his place for Oh but we just forgot about a specific part of that equation: Oh's reaction. I thought it'd be easy; Oh will realise too late what had occurred and Teh would have left by then and he'd run to the sunset and keep waiting for Teh, but nooo I forgot about how Resentful, Prideful and Angry Oh gets whenever he gets hurt by Teh  (shown in episode 1). But before we go into Ohs state this episode, Let's look more at Teh in detail, try and understand him more in this episode when looking at our theme.
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TEH: Reverse-Help and Self-Hindrance
Again our Chinese translation lessons become a tool for foreshadowing in this episode. From the beginning of the episode as we see Teh create the tutorial guide, and try and tutor Oh, we get foreshadowing titles/translations such as the word for Reverse Help and it's further emphasised with another translation the word for being a hindrance because of trying to help. As Teh goes through his devastating, and uncontrollable self regression, he tries to go into overdrive. First, he tries to keep his promise to the two people he's torn about; 
For Tarn, he tries to retain his position as someone who loves her for 3 years, as someone who still wants what they have, as someone who is still the same .
For Oh he tries to keep the promise he made to him in episode 1 that he'd help him fulfil his dreams by tutoring.  
Tutoring Chinese Translations Whilst Mistranslating Feelings
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Tutoring Oh has always been his way of trying to make things make sense, for example when Oh told him he couldn't return back to their closeness as best friends in episode 1, Teh decides to show him that he will keep working on their friendship and proceeds to help him pass the exams by tutoring. Tutoring Oh becomes an excuse for Teh with everything, to get closer to him when he doesn't want to think, to avoid underlying issues whenever things seem hectic, and to spend as much time as he can to be near Oh without having to face the implications of it. Tutoring Oh is to make Oh learn how to translate Chinese so he can pass the exam to get to the University. 
However, tutoring Oh being Teh's priority shows what he truly wants as his goals: to always be near Oh no matter what, to grow with Oh (for both of them to go the University together and fulfil their dreams) and to repay Oh for the time he hurt him when they were kids/enemies (insulting his dreams and making him self doubt). Teh puts the tutoring as a priority because he puts Oh as his number one, Ohs dreams are important to him, and that's all that matters even if things feel too much to handle. This is already why you see what happens to Teh during this episode, he starts to hyperfocus on that priority as he tries to avoid and avoid what is truly going and instead of helping all he does is make it worse: 
Here are instances in episode 4 where Teh's over helping does nothing but make things worse for him and for the people he cares about; 
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TEHS REVERSE HELP TO OH
As mentioned, we have the tutoring. The whole obsession with Ohs dreams become more of an obstacle to Oh, who feels frustrated at Teh, who isn't understanding how he feels. Teh and Oh crossed the line and become more than friends after episode 3, but Teh tried to run away from Oh and then tried to pretend everything was okay. For Oh, Teh hyperfocused on the tutoring (ironic since again he's focusing only on Oh) but he was breaking and causing him to question everything because of his avoidance of the issue. 
Both Oh and Tarn had no clue where they stood with Teh, and he didn't know how to tell them how he felt, because he himself didn't know. Remember the tutoring is all about translation and as I said before the show is all about the consequences of mistranslating feelings when young. When we are young, we don't understand how strong feelings can be, how painful, how confusing (if its someone you can't be with in your perspective) or how uncontrollable. Like Teh instead of trying to listen to the heart, we revert to logic to try and explain feelings and typically that leaves us with nothing but confusion and exhaustion. The more Teh kept running away and avoiding the subject, the more he was affecting both Oh and Tarn: 
Tarn: Because she needed to study, she made it her priority that her aspirations mattered to her that's why she held of their relationship for 3 years despite liking Teh, her aspirations were more important. But now Teh was making her revert to someone who couldn't stop thinking about their attraction to each other; the more Teh led her on, the more her feelings were becoming a  hindrance to her aspirations( trying to help but being a hindrance). But again Ironic because Teh was trying to help her too, he was trying to 'do right' by her by not changing what they have, he was trying to stay by her side even though he was no longer there in the present for her. 
Oh: Because he was starting to realise that just like Teh everything revolved around him, he was beginning to become hurt, self-hating and resentful towards everyone and Teh. He was beginning to lose the zeal to keep on struggling for his exams (Teh revived his hope thus without Teh everything was beginning to seem useless), and he was starting to feel broken-hearted each time Teh avoided the situation.  Oh was realising his dependency on Teh but it frightened him because it could be gone, it could all go wrong, and Teh still had Tarn.  He was starting to be exhausted with everything because when he tried to keep his promise (to keep them a secret), Teh refused to treat it like that, Teh kept on pulling his hopes up and then destroying them, and he became tired of it. 
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: The tutorial guide
This brings us to the tutorial guide. Damn, the way my heart screamed for Teh during this. One because as his mother put it, Teh spent nights, days recreating a tutorial guide with 1000 words for Oh to learn for the exam. By tearing out parts of his own revision guides, he used it to create a version that was understandable/ easy to understand. This is clearly a metaphor for what he was doing again with his over helping by tearing/ giving out parts of himself to create different versions of himself for the people he cared about, so it was easy for them to deal with his change. 
The guide was beautiful; you could see the care, the effort, the time he put into it because Tehs priority as mentioned was Oh, Ohs dream and Oh being near him. The guide represented what Teh was trying to do all episode, to make everything easy, pleasing and understanding for everyone.  Teh went into overdrive with the tutorial guide because it was the only thing he could do to again avoid and run away from what was going on, on the surface. 
Now at first, this tutorial guide seems helpful just like Tehs intentions, and it brings Oh back to him. Oh forgives him and they reunite, even proceeding to continue their relationship like before, talking, returning to their beach and doing what they wanted with each other. Except we see later at the end of the episode, all Tehs hard work was for nothing. Oh was resentful because Teh brought his hopes up once again, but refused to deal with the situation again. The tutorial guide instead of being a helping guide to Oh became a waste, it led to Oh even retreating and avoiding to study for the exam because he was heartbroken. Oh did not use the tutorial guide and did not show up for the exam. 
Meanwhile, Teh realises how much he gave to Oh that was wasted and couldn't be retrieved, for example, he later discovers he has to study for the exam only to see empty tatters of his previous revision guide (himself), he'd given everything to Oh, and it was wasted. 
Tehs acting position
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This is why Teh giving up his place for Oh with the application is just so sensitive. It's romantic how much Oh is Teh's priority. From episode 1, we've gotten a repetition that getting past this application was Tehs vision, everything he wanted since he was a child. Again we see the evolution of all this; he spent so many years studying, practising, preparing for his acting dreams. His mum did all she could to show him how proud she was of him, his brother worked hard to save money to provide plane tickets and cash for his university dream. Everyone put effort into helping Teh and pushing Teh to his goal. And it's heartwrenching to see him give it all up. 
Us romanticists squealed and hoped that Oh would understand, that this was the first steps for our two to return back together. There's still the exam, we thought, Teh and Oh will reunite, they'll be together, in University, we'll run to the sunset together and scream after that is done except, instead of Oh to see it as a gift, he calls Teh out, he's insulted, he's annoyed, and he's frustrated. He's not going to accept it, he's going to relinquish it. 
Again all Teh did was a waste. And it's worse because this was the final thing he could give up for Oh to be near him, it was the last thing he could give of himself in an attempt to make things go back to normal, the final thing he could do to have Oh forgive him. And by the end, Teh is truly mentally, psychologically, and physically exhausted and gone. There's no more to give, no more to help, he lost it all, and he still couldn't figure out why. 
In an attempt to help everyone, to revert everything to normal Teh is the person who's the most broken and lost. It's to Oh on the surface with his actions, but  he's also trying to help/ impress everyone else as well:
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His family: 
His mum who has made it a thing of how helpful Tehs brother has been in her life. Their father isn't here, and Tehs mum is someone who relies on her sons' dreams and actions to provide a sense of success in her life. For Teh he couldn't live up to his brother, but once he told his mother about his dreams about being an actor she rejoiced and boasted to all her friends about it; she was proud, immensely excited and driven to push him to his dreams. 
So when Teh realises that his mum will also be proud that he had a girlfriend like his brother, another form of success, he regresses back to this thoughts, he still needed Tarn to impress his mother, he was reminded of his previous goals, to impress her and be seen as equal to his brother. So he tries to keep what he and Tarn had as normal to keep making everyone around him 'happy', and 'impressed' except it led to Oh hurt. 
It's like a sad game of choices; if he chooses Oh, everyone else he's trying to impress falls apart; for example, the revelation when he decided to give up on the acting application, it wasn't just him affected, everyone had put their hopes and excitement on it, and he ended up losing their praise and support. 
In fact, he came face to face with the thing he was trying to avoid, his mother proceeds to harshly compare him with his brother (I thought she was so out of line for this) and she finally shows him that all his fears and notions on this were real. His mum had been seeing him as a failure compared to his brother it just sucked. 
If he chose them, he lost Oh again he saw that happen when he tries to revert all he had with Oh back to normal, he broke Ohs self-esteem and made Oh go into self-hate and despair. He, on the other hand, was also just as broken, confused and defeated. 
In the end, the sick game of choices, as he tried to impress everyone Teh became a shell of nothing, no support, no praise, no love (both losing Tarn and Oh) and no aims (losing his path to his dreams and his confidence). 
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Self-sabotage, hindrance, and regression
So you see Teh becomes a mess because of his failure to translate his feelings correctly. The obstacles to him being able to do so causes him to try and do so in a logical way; trying to split his self and please everyone. He becomes self-sabotaging, and as Tarn tells him he only ends up hurting himself, losing everything he tried to hold on to, and he also ends up becoming a regressed version of himself with nothing to lean on (in his perspective).
 It hurts because these are the results of Internalised homophobia, the results of a society that has made people like Oh and Teh feel like they have to hide and hate who they are at a young age,  the effects of immaturity and young age; not able to understand or deal with feelings, not being able to know what they mean or able to control how we act when it comes. 
It's all consequences of falling in love so young. And as much as falling in love is worth it when you meet the one, it sucks that some LGBTQ+ have to go through obstacles and hindrances and more pain just to understand or get to the person they are meant to be with. It sucks. Thank you to ITSAY for teaching us all about this, for showing us this, for making us realise all this. 
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In a way we all can end up like Teh's cut out revision guide, if we don't have enough self-love, confidence, or trust in our feelings, we can end up tearing parts of our selves, losing our selves, dreams and perceptions because of mistranslating who we are/what we want. Luckily this is all to do with age, it's okay to make mistakes and learn from it, this will now push Teh to understand and accept himself for whatever he is, and what he feels, this will open his eyes to seeing he has people by his side who won't let him fall (Hoon, and hopefully Oh) and this will make him stronger, confident and braver. And finally, hopefully, it will lead him once again to the person he loves, and they'd be able to run to the sunset together and scream that they made it. One can only hope. 
PREVIOUS ANALYSIS: PROMISES, SUNSETS AND MALE PROTAGONISTS
PREVIOUS ANALYSIS; XIN THE FOCUS OF THE HEART
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sporksaber · 3 years
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Ok, I love the role swap concept with zuko and azula, but I feel like they switch their abilities and personalities a bit too and I think itd be more fun without that. Where Azula is an antisocial and unstable genius who wants to gain power and zuko still struggles with being the less powerful and extremely empathetic sibling. So here's how I'd do it.
(Note, this is just for fun. I'm not saying anyone else's version is bad. But I've though about this so much and need it out of my head before I go off cuz make a whole comic and I do not have the time, i need to work.)
First off, Azula wouldn't call out in concern for the men like how zuko did. In my version she's allowed into the meeting because of the aptitude for strategy shes shown. She speaks up because it's an inefficient plan that uses up too many resources when there are other options. This enrages her father and leads to the agni kai. Azula is terrified and feels betrayed but has no idea how to handle any of it. She fights back during the agni kai, but in her panic she sets off a bolt of lightning. Ozai finishes the match and severely burns on her lower back. Azula is banished for her use of lightning on the fire lord (bc ozai fears she will no longer be easy to manipulate and might plot his death) and is forced to leave the next morning.
Some things to note: azula is eleven at this point. I changed the placement of the scar bc I think zuko's is very symbolic in a way that doesnt suit azula. Zuko's scar being over his eye and close to the light chakra shows the way his view of the fire nation and honour obscures his vision and how he is unaware of the truth of the world under fire nation rule. I set azula's over her spine because that chakra is based on survival and blocked by fear. It also represents trust which will fit into her arc with the gaang. Finally, she doesnt have Iroh to guide her. One of the things that bothered me was Iroh writing her off as evil despite her being a mentally unstable child. She did have to be defeated, but the way he talked about it was too dismissive. (Personally I think he was projecting his views of his brother and his perceived failures with him onto her.) Azula isnt sent to capture the avatar so she isnt given soldiers. She's completely alone without an advisor to look to or keep her calm.
Azula is given a manned ship with a disgraced soldier and an attendant when she leaves. The way I see it the soldiers zuko had were probably more irohs than his. The soldier is relieved to not be executed but hates being demoted to playing babysitter to a child at sea. The attendant views it as a punishment and hates Azula for it. Eventually the attendant will betray her and be killed for it. Azula never trusted the soldier and he eventually leaves to start a family in an earth kingdom colony. Azula doesnt miss him, he was no longer useful. The loneliness does get to her though.
Azula is obsessed with getting the underhand, so she had been successfully building connections and planting spies where needed.
(Zuko has been acting as a respectable crowned prince. He holds a zealous loyalty to his nation and father. He still faulters as Iroh tries to steer him from tyranny, but his sights are set on his father's approval and that alone. Afterall, if his prodigy could be discarded who's to say what would happen to him if he failed?)
This brings us to the start of the series. Like Zuko Azula witnesses the trap on the old fire nation battle ship go off. She investigates and finds that an air bending avatar is living at the south pole village. She decides she wants to speak with him.
Azula didn't believe the avatar existed before this point. Hiding didnt add up to her knowledge of the morality of airbenders, so she assumed the air nation avatar from the start of the war would be dead. She would know if one had appeared in the water tribe, as the south had all its benders killed and the north was compacted so close together it would be impossible to hide. Earth would be harder, but they were most likely to fight back and out act. And if in ba sing se they'd be used as a weapon or gotten rid of to preserve the peace of the city. Once the culcle progressed to the fire nation it would either be used to take over the other nations or enf the cycle for good. After all, there hasn't been an air bender for a hundred years even if the rumors of some acolytes surviving were truthful.
Azula kidnaps aang with far more ease than she should of been able to. Once he stops struggling she calmly offers him tea and promises to release him once their discussion is finished. He takes the tea and drinks it without question and besides a wary glare shows no more hostility. She thought him a fool, the tea could have easily been poisoned and promised are nothing but words. His naivete makes her job easier though.
She finds out that he was suspended frozen in the avatar state the last 100 years. And so, Azula informs him of the war and the fire nations crimes, advising him to master the elements if he wants to prevent all his new friends and the avatar cycle from certain destruction. Aang is conflicted, he never asked for any of this. Azula just gives a bitter smile. "The hands of fate were never designed to take requests, they move without regard to any life dependent on it. Dont waste your breath when there is nothing you can do."
Azula wants to see Ozai fail. If helping the avatar is what it takes then so be it. When his friends appear to save him she let's them leave without a fight. Theyll be useful in the future.
As the gaang's travels kick off she sets out to find out if the rumours about the acolytes are true. In this she finds a traveling circus. The youngest daughter and an old friend of hers was eager to escape and found Azula's life exciting. She didn't hesitate after being invited along, insisting that traveling would be easy for her and that she'd pull her own weight.
She encounters the gaang a few times as time goes by. The relationship is reluctant on the water tribe siblings part, they dont trust her and hold a decent amount of fear towards her. Her cold and calculating demeanor was unsettling, but the unhinged way she fought was terrifying. Her form was perfect and her attacks were precise, but the bigger the fight the more lost she became as she laughed and shrieked and occasionally snapped at someone who didnt seem to be there. The only worse reaction was when she zeroed in on one opponent, picking them apart both mentally and physically as she drove them to the ground. )
Things that'll happen as I move through an episode list:
Azula doesn't have her ship attacked do she diesnt run into zhao while doing repairs, instead going straight to ty lee.
Azula learns that the gaang is on kyoshi island and heads ther after them. She has been keeping track of the avatar as they move. Ty lee gets along well with the kyoshi warriors while azula buts heads with them. They dont want her there and azula hates it when people get in the way. Zhao appears to try to capture aang and Azula dips at the same time as the gaang. She tells ty lee she can stay but she insists on sticking with azula. This puts her on edge.
Ty lee gets captured by earth benders, when she escapes on her own she cements her usefulness to Azula.
They run into zhao trying to capture the avatar and azula tells him she'll capture him first. They both attack aang during the solstice, though azula's attacks are all purposefully set to miss and trip up zhao as much as possible. Aang is the best way to prove her father wrong and she's not going to lose that.
They rob the pirates that try to capture the avatar. Azula needs the resources and it gives her leverage over the gaang.
After almost killing ty lee for scaring her by popping up behind her Azula tells her why she was banished. (In more of a "my own mother thought I was a monster" way than an opening up about trauma way.)
Azula learns that zhao has captured aang and frees him. She then sets to reworking her information network as not all of them are scared enough of her to not fail her. She remedies it quickly.
Azula learns that zhao is plotting her assassination and decides it's the perfect moment to fake her death.
Azula enters the north pole to defeat zhao and gain any information she can. Ty lee rades a library during the confrontation. Zhao is surprised and infuriated to see her alive, Azula smiles as she sends him to his death knowing that she is not only helping the avatar but also that he gave her a perfect way to hide from the fire nation. (When news of his sisters death reaches hum, Zuko doesnt know what to think. She was always cruel to him, but she was still his little sister.)
The crown prince of the fire nation is sent to capture the avatar. Azula follows him as he begins his search. (Zuko begins to think he's going insane as he keeps catching glimpses of his recently deceased sister out of the corner of his eye.)
Ty lee keeps running into a girl she slowly befriends. She's gloomy and sarcastic and ty lee thinks Azula would like her. (Zuko's fiance Mai tells him that she thinks his sister is still alive.)
As Azula notices ty lee become more and more distracted as she absorbed herself into the cultures that surround them she decides it's best for them to split up. Ty lee diesnt agree, but Azula leaves anyway. She has work to do.
While traveling alone Azula cant escape the thoughts of her mother. Of her fathers betrayal. Of the life she lost because the idiot elders had no grip on proper strategy that even a child could create. She meets a boy that reminds her far too much of zuko with a mother far to similar to theirs. When she sends the bandits controlling the town running she knows it's more than just controlling a territory that compelled her. But at the same time she doubts not following through on the whim would have bothered her.
Ty lee meets toph and chat for a bit. Ty lee tells her about azula and how she left. When toph tells her she should forget her she insists that azula didnt really ditch her and that they're still friends. They talk about their friends and childhood.
Ty lee finds Azula and immidiently jumps at her, which she does not enjoy. Ty lee insists that she still wants to travel with her and Axula sighs as she let's her tag along to the next location, ba sing se.
Azula slips through guards and protocols as she tries to gain any information she can to help her once they reach the city. Ty lee befriends a guy named jet and his group, the freedom fighters. When he tries to get more than friendship she turns him down and it becomes much more awkward.
Ty lee becomes a street performer and chames everyone she meets as Azula researches the dai lee and how they keep control. After lashing out in frustration ty lee drags her out to enjoy the city's night life.
Azula learns of the presence of the avatar and location of appa. She frees him and sets to work taking control of the dai lee. She let's herself be briefly captured but her plan shifts when katara is thrown in with her. Katara is pissed just being around her and azula plays up a cool kind of annoyance. Katara briefly catches sight of the burns on Azula's back and offers to heal her, only for Azula to freak out and yell at her to stay away, backing against a far wall in a fighting stance. They are saved by the rest if the gaang and ty lee shortly after.
Azula goes back to try and salvage her plan only to be caught off guard by the appearance of her brother and his offer to return to the fire nation. Not willing to lose all possible advantages, she agrees. They battle the gaang, and when they are almost captured azula sends a bolt of lightning at aang, causing them to retreat. Katara can heal him more easily than she can maneuver them out of an execution.
Azula returns to the fire nation with her brother, mai and ty lee, starting the beginning of a large power play between her and her father. They are sent to lo and li beach house. The relationship between the siblings is tense, zuko has always been the child born with nothing who gained everything when his blessed at birth sister lost it all. Azula has always been cruel, but he cant help but let his heart catch on the moments when she's not. ("My own mother thought I was a monster, My father thought i was too difficult to keep around" "Don't let their words blind you, you need to be more careful, zuzu." "I learned the hard way to never turn your back to anyone, and the scars will always be there as a reminder if I need it." )
Azula runs into iroh, who is very disapproving of her presence. He warns her to stay away from zuko and to watch herself while at the palace. Later, zuko comes to her asking about their great grandfather. Upon being pressed he admits that he was sent a mysterious letter. He thought she was going to burn it when he handed it to her but instead the heat from the fire revealed a hidden ink. "Honestly brother, did you ever pay attention at all during lessons?" They find a autobiographical scroll of their great grandfathers life and the secret that their other great grandfather was roku. Azula scoffed at the idea of bloodlines deciding fate and quickly left. But Zuko remained conflicted.
During the day of the black sun Azula confronts Ozai. As iroh and Zuko fight the avatar. She learns that her mother left for zuko's sake and that she was never going to be fire lord. Azula tells him she'll be somthing even better and leaves the palace.
Azula and ty lee follow the gaang to the western air temple. Katara immidprntly attacks but is quickly rendered unable to bend by ty lee. Azula tells them that the only way for them to of gotten out was for Aang to be incapacitated, and she knew katara could heal him. Aang decides they can stay but have to stay distanced from everyone else.
Azula tries to teach aang fire bending but is slowly growing sick while aang is barely able to produce a puff of smoke. Unable to sleep and constantly on edge, it soon affects her bending, sending her spiraling as she loses control on the only consistent power she's ever had. Her and aang journey to find the true source of fire bending to try to help their conditions.
Still sick, Azula is itching to do anything away from the temple. Finding sokka trying to reach the boiling rock to find his father, she decides to go with him as she knows the prison well. Sokka declines but she goes anyway. They dont find his father, but they do find suki. Azula formulates a plan but they postpone when sokka's father arrives.
Azula comes up with a new plan, now reluctant to include sokka. He tells her to trust him but she insists she has no reason to. Her sickness has been getting worse and he tells her she needs to trust him, making her angry. Only when he catches her while they're escaping dies she finally begin to accept trusting him, if only slightly.
(While they're away ty lee tries to convince
Azula goes with Katara to find the man who killed her mother. Azula has no concept of why katara is so upset, which causes her to get angry. But azula tracks the man anyway.
Ember island players- azulas character has the scar across her chest. She's absolutely insane and "not entirely inaccurate, but I'd never come up with such a dumb plan." Shes also heavily implied to be more than close to ty lee, which azula has no reaction to even as the others freak out.
I havent decided the ending, zuko will probably turn to the gaang's side. I'll add more later and maybe write or illustrate a bit.
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anonthenullifier · 3 years
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In your snapshot au, how would Wanda and Vision react to meeting canon Tommy and Billy? Billy with his alternate family and issues, and Tommy with his sad history.
Thanks for the ask! As is clear from this series, canon is not held to firmly haha. I hope this is somewhat what you were hoping for and that you enjoy it!
The air tastes different, a touch sour. It’s a fact no one else would pick up on, the gustatory senses of humans discerning but also overwhelmed with the endless combination of flavors. Vision does not eat and so breathing presents him the most common ingredient to his taste buds.
Vision nods, lips held in a taut line as he accesses Avenger Protocol 3252, subtitled: So You’ve Found Yourself in the Multiverse...again. Though Vision wrote the majority of the protocol, it was cosponsored and researched primarily by Dr. Strange and Wanda, neither of whom understood why Vision asked for a breakdown of atmospheric elements, but they did it anyway. He scans through the endless lists of Earths and stops once he reaches the 600s, where carbon dioxide ranges from .0039 to .0040%.
Step 1 of Protocol 3252: Ascertain rough multiversic location. Check.
Step 2: Determine if you are alone.
This is always more difficult, the transition between universes occurring with a heady rush and a feeling of discombobulation that often gives way to brief amnesia. Vision scans his surroundings, a verdant park in what appears to be an urban community. There is a bench underneath an oak, one that obscures the sight of him in case anyone were to wander past. Once seated he runs through what he can remember. He was on an Avengers mission, battling some sorcerer of pandemonium, or so the man yelled a few times but Vision did not catch an actual name, far too focused on trying to usher nervous citizens away from the rain of concrete slabs and glass shards. It was not a solo mission, Wanda was there with him, as were Dr. Strange, Captain Marvel, and...others. A hiccup in his memory is concerning, particularly if he wishes to find his way out of wherever he is.
An elongated blink recenters the growing anxiety in the pit of his abdomen, the least helpful thing he can do now is panic. “Wanda.” He says her name both in his mind and in his comm unit, hopeful one, or both, will reach her, assuming she came through with him.
A second of silence rolls into a disheartening thirty seconds and then an agonizing minute, once he reaches two minutes he takes a deep breath, moving on to Step 3: Identify potential resources for return. It is his least favorite step, despite being the single most important one. Another breath expands his chest, synthetic lungs holding onto the sour air several seconds past his normal inhalation, and then they release, his perturbation vibrating out of his lips with barely a sound.
Hesitantly Vision mentally reaches for whatever internet is available here and, once identified, connects. He always accesses major news networks first, the headlines streaming through his mind at a breakneck pace as he struggles to identify any event in this universe that might have occurred to pull him over, leaving the insinuation it was something in his own home universe that led to his desertion. This is fine, this is good information, it just means he has less control than he would like, having to rely on anyone left at the site of his disappearance to bring him back. If Wanda is there, which he so desperately hopes she is (while also feeling guilty at the gnawing want of having her here with him now, even if it means she too is stranded), then she will no doubt get to him soon. This he cannot control and thus it is unhelpful.
The major news networks deemed useless, he dips into the archives about the Avengers, wanting to determine who is on their roster and if any of them have knowledge or capabilities of returning him. Or, as Wanda pointed out the last time this happened, if he were to get stuck, is the team made up of people he actually likes and would feel okay being with for some time. With a touch more force, he sends out a mental ping to his wife, one that he imbues with the weight of his anxiety, hoping that will help carry his signal farther.
He is getting distracted. Consciously and a bit reproachfully, he urges his attention back to the search, the roster, based on news articles and the official photos on the Avengers’ webpage, revealing the team is relatively the same, though he does notice his and Wanda’s pictures are in opposite corners. An oddity since they always put them next to each other. It is tempting to contact himself in these scenarios, except Dr. Strange warns against too much interference with one’s own life, something about ripples being sent across the other universes. He finds Dr. Strange enlightening and yet obfuscating, concepts, like the multiverse, grounded in science and yet the man also throws a shroud of mysticism over it when he wishes not to divulge the secrets of his craft.
This next search is one he knows he shouldn’t do, but curiosity (and a deeply rational justification that, if successful, it would be helpful) gets the best of Vision, mind cycling back to the distance between himself and his wife in the pictures. Search: William Maximoff. Results: 0. Vision frowns. Search: Thomas Maximoff. Results: 0.
Vision stands, immediately launching into a pace of six feet to the right, pivot, six feet to the left, repeat. Nothing in the protocol states he should care about this, all the multiverses different in some way. There are some where he doesn’t even exist as a synthezoid and others where Wanda is the daughter of a powerful mutant. It seems in this one they did not have the boys (a weight latches to his heart and begins to drag it down inch by inch) and it seems possible he and Wanda are not even together. This is where he should drop this line of inquiry and go back to the protocol. Except he can’t, and he blames it on the cognitive distortions caused by traveling unwillingly through the multiverse, his typical even keel knocked askew . Vision conjures up an image of Billy, entering it into a reverse image search, certain that nothing will come up. Results: 28. and a helpful suggestion of, Related search: William Kaplan .
“Vision!” His head snaps up, eyes squinting as he rises from the bench, body swiveling in the direction of her voice. “Vision!”
Yelling for each other is frowned upon in the protocols, comm units and telepathy (if available) much preferred to avoid making a scene, but her voice is untamed and dripping with the same anxiety flowing through his veins. “Wanda!” He rises into the air, just enough to see her stumbling up a low hill, her gait uneven, the left leg overcompensating for whatever is wrong with her right. In exactly 3.59 seconds he is at her side, arms wrapping around her waist to steady her and his lips conveying his relief with a series of five uncoordinated kisses to the part of her hair. “There is a bench over here.”
Gingerly he scoops her up, hovering them over to his spot of cogitation, and then he carefully settles her onto the boards of the bench, easing her right leg so it can lay flat. “I thought I was alone.”
“As did I.”
A smile, fluid and natural, loving and relieved, spreads across her face. “But then I felt you.”
Vision bends, capturing her lips and channeling his own relief into the action, overjoyed at having her with him. Until reality sets in, his prior search illuminating a shortfall in his selfish desires. “If we’re both here, the boys are alone.”
“Let’s find a way back then.” Wanda says it as if it is as simple as walking through a door or clicking your heels three times together. “Where’re you at in the protocol?”
How far his wife has come since their early days when, according to her, protocols were meant to be ignored. “Step 3.”
Impatience underscores her drawn out, “And…”
“I think,” this is where he discovers a crossroads in reasoning, do they go to the Avengers who likely have someone who can help with the multiverse or do they find William Kaplan, hoping he is analogous enough to their own son, one who can tear holes into reality with barely a shrug. “I may have located Billy.”
Wanda rubs her hand along her leg, scarlet sparking from her fingers as she no doubt assesses her injury. “Why do you sound so afraid?”
If he were to label his intonation, it would not have been fear, but his wife is far more attuned to the actual emotions of others, particularly his. Perhaps he is afraid, and it would, logically, be an appropriate response given what he discovered. “Because in this universe his name is Billy Kaplan, not Maximoff.”
“Oh.” A kaleidoscope of emotions filter across her face, eyes and mouth morphing from fear to sadness to disbelief until a single scrunch of her nose breaks the pattern, features dropping into a blank resoluteness she tends to show only on missions. “If we want to get home, we have to try.
———
Trying is always so uncomplicated in the planning phase before it unravels into frayed nerves, Vision’s finger poised in front of the buzzer, unable to commit to pushing a simple button.
“It’s not going to electrocute you.” The usual sardonic edge has been sanded down, revealing the grains of worry piling up in her mind the longer they draw this out.
“Would you like to do the honors?”
“Not really.”
Vision tightens his fingers around hers in what he hopes is a comforting squeeze of understanding and companionship. “Okay.” The two syllables start the countdown, his shaky breath that follows ends it, his finger pressing firmly against the little illuminated circle.
The dull click of the button precedes the crackle of the apartment’s comm system and then a familiar voice comes out of the speaker. “Who’s there?”
Wanda mouths Is that Teddy? and Vision nods, certain she is correct but he needs to focus on their task without distractions. He pushes the button and does his best to sound calm, “It is Vision and Wanda Maximoff,” this should be enough, except he has no way of knowing how highly (or not so highly) regarded or familiar they are to this universe’s Teddy, “from an alternate universe.” Wanda’s eye roll clearly spells out how she feels about his choice of words. All that matters is if it works, so he ignores her unspoken derision and waits for a response.
A staticky, “Ummmm one sec,” ends the conversation, leaving them in an anticipatory, antsy silence.
Ten minutes, 37 seconds, and 28 milliseconds later the elevator to their left dings, the door crawling open to reveal Billy standing there in jeans and a gray sweater, black hair styled more maturely than what Vision has ever seen from him. In fact, he appears at least a few years older than their own universe’s Billy. “Um hi,” the man studies them, blue licking the elevator doors to hold them open, his eyes scanning over them, briefly becoming fascinated with their interwoven fingers, and then he seems to reach a decision, a curt nod followed by a, “Why don’t you come on up.”
Vision allows Wanda to go first, his hand staying firmly on her back as they walk and it remains there throughout the dense silence of the elevator ride and the even denser, slower silence as they walk down the hall and enter an apartment. Teddy warmly greets them, “Come on in, have a seat.” Which they do, Wanda choosing a loveseat so they can sit together, her attention locked on the little dance of the two men, Teddy kissing Billy’s cheek and whispering something before disappearing behind a wall. He returns shortly after with a couple cups of tea and some chips.
Where Teddy seems mildly jovial and an expert host, Billy lowers himself into an armchair, suspicious eyes never leaving Vision and Wanda. “So what universe are you from?”
A philosophical debate the team had upon beginning to map the multiverse, a conclusion reached that Vision never much cared for. “We label our universe, egocentrically, as Earth-1.” An iota of amusement quirks up Billy’s mouth and Vision is confused at just how quickly pride fills his chest at the accomplishment. “Based on atmospheric readings, you are somewhere between Earth-600 and Earth-650, by our scientific labeling.”
Billy takes in the information, quietly sorting it with whatever knowledge he possesses and then follows Protocol 3253 (So You’ve Discovered Another You from the Multiverse), “How’d you get here?”
“We aren’t sure,” Wanda grips Vision’s knee as she talks, allowing her unease to flow into his body instead of her words, “We were battling a sorcerer and then the next thing we remember is being here.”
The explanation is considered and sorted, Billy’s mouth dropping into a downward concave. “Why’d you seek me out,” now he makes eye contact, a touch of animosity in his voice, “can’t the Scarlet Witch control reality in your universe?”
Wanda’s, “I can,” is small and bordering on timid, but her voice builds back up to her normal confidence when she provides what, at least in their universe, is the truth. “But not as well as you.” This doesn’t kick start any sort of remark, and so she tries an example, “Last week you casually sent your brother into an alternate dimension because he ate the last brownie.” Wanda laughs at the memory, concern breaking briefly into the joy of reminiscing, “It took me an hour to get him back and only because you,” she falters, realizing she is breaking protocol by treating this Billy as the same person, “our Billy finally told me where to look.”
The explanation is lost on the man in front of them, his mind stuck at the beginning of the story, “My brother?”
Vision nods, gently laying out the information, “Tommy Maximoff, your twin.”
A quiet, “We grew up together?” threatens to tear Vision’s soul in two, his body desperate to march over and envelop his son in his arms. Except this could not be his son, Kaplan a name Vision has never heard and it is clear that this universe’s Tommy may not be a Maximoff or even a Kaplan either.
Instead of a hug, Vision layers his, “You did,” with as much paternal warmth that he can, and then he clarifies the statement, their sons not yet adults and not even close to being done growing, “you are.”
“I,” Billy stands, lets out a deep sigh, turns towards them, then away, makes eye contact with Teddy (who may or may not have tears in his eyes), and then he simply states, “I’ll be back,” before disappearing through the floor in a blue portal.
Vision’s never had this effect on his son, and he turns his worry towards Teddy, “We have upset him.”
“Um,” the blonde haired man mulls over how to respond, “I think it’s safer to say the universe upset him.” A marginally more uplifting, yet still devastating fact. “He’ll be back.”
They wait in tense silence, Wanda leaning into Vision’s side, his body responding by wrapping an arm around her shoulder. And then there is a blue portal next to the coffee table, Billy yanking Tommy through with him.
In true Tommy fashion, neither his words nor opinions are minced, “What the ever loving fuck is going on?”
Wanda shoots Vision a look, warning him not to correct the language, and, just to be sure he won’t go full on polite police, she handles the response with a simple, “Nice to see you too, Tommy.”
Tommy doesn’t respond to her, turning to gesticulate wildly at Billy, “You said it was an emergency. I don’t want to get roped into whatever,” he flails an arm towards where they sit, “this is.”
“Tommy, slow down and look at them.”
An epic, unfiltered roll of his eyes conveys how very done with this situation the speedster is, but he obliges anyway, silently scrutinizing Wanda and Vision until he reaches a conclusion, “You look way cozier than you should.” Another sweep of scrutiny and another observation is provided, “Like the new look, Vision.” The use of his name stings, not because it is his name but because he has only ever heard it from their son in anger. Tommy doesn’t notice the effect it has, returning the conversation to Billy, “so what’s going on?”
“Multiverse shenanigans.”
“Ugh,” his disdain is evident, “great. Why am I here?”
Billy sits back down, picking up the no longer steaming cup of tea and takes a sip. “Can you tell us about your universe.” A broad question, one he realizes before anyone can answer. “About us, specifically.”
The question in Vision’s mind is where to start in the story, whether they begin with the inception of his and Wanda’s relationship or if they simply wish to know the barebones of the story, only the pieces where they themselves fit. “You’re our sons.” This isn’t the bombshell revelation he expected, neither Billy nor Tommy are surprised by this, which only grows the confusion that took root during Vision’s initial discovery of this universe’s Billy. “We have raised you and loved you for the last sixteen and a half years. You are part of—”
“Wait,” Tommy holds up a hand to stop the explanation, “the whole time?”
Wanda’s, “Yes,” is unflinching, “We’ve watched you grow into incredible men.”
To see Tommy speechless is unnerving, to know it is not a happy speechless is suffocating. Vision asks what he isn’t sure he actually wants to know, “Why does this seem unusual?”
A derisive laugh, one Tommy is a master of using, echoes around the apartment. “Oh I don’t know, because we’re the reason Scarlet Witch went insane, the reason she killed you,” he points at Vision and the words are nonsense, describing an action Wanda would never do. “Because as if that wasn’t bad enough, I won the lottery of reincarnation and had a shitty life I didn’t ask for. And then you two, you two don’t even try to be part of—”
“Tommy,” Billy stops the tirade, his twin throwing up his arms in frustration before crashing down onto a beanbag in the corner of the room. “Let me explain.” And he does, all of the harrowing details from Master Pandemonium to Mephisto, the dissolution of this universe’s Vision and Wanda’s marriage, and then he gets to their reincarnation. “Mom’s a psychologist,” the word mom causes Wanda to flinch, “dad’s a cardiologist,” and this forces Vision’s heart to metaphorically drop through the floor. “They’re good people, they try hard but I think my powers scare them a bit. High school was tough.” The way he says it implies it is an understatement.
“My parents are divorced, absent is a good word for them,” Vision’s heart enters the core of the Earth where it dissolves in fiery anger at the way this universe has treated his family, forcing them to be separated instead of together, “can’t blame them, though, I might have been a bit of an asshole trouble maker, went to juvey a few times,” Tommy pauses long enough to eat a chip, “got experimented on in there,” and this, above all else, sends Vision’s mind into despair. His memories of saving Tommy are superimposed with the knowledge that this man in front of him, this sarcastic, resilient man endured the same event ( and then worse) only without the knowledge he’d be saved, without the confidence that love would protect him. “But then I got broken out and we’ve been doing the Young Avenger thing for a while.”
“Do you,” Wanda falters, and Vision assumes it is because she, like him, is torn between wanting to know more while also being overwhelmed by all they’ve learned and all their boys have experienced here, “see us...them often?”
A shared stare, one that’s so common in the Maximoff household, provides the answer, each of them daring the other to say it. Billy, as usual, loses. “Depends...sometimes but not regularly.” He shrugs as if what he is saying is a simple fact of life instead of a dagger that can pierce vibranium skin, “everyone’s got lives to lead.”
“I see.” Those two words are empty and pointless and yet Vision can’t figure out anything profound or hopeful, far too burdened by what they’ve learned.
“Um I’m sure you want to get back to your sons,” the statement elicits in Vision a mixture of hope and yet also a harsh sting at the detached way Billy stated your sons . “So um you all ready to go home?”
Wanda stands first, holding out her hand for Vision to use (even though he does not physically need it) as he rises as well. “I think we should go while we can.”
They stand in a lopsided circle, staring at one another and then anywhere else. Wanda breaks the silence,“Thank you for helping us and for,” Vision wonders how she’ll finish it, because he himself doesn’t know what is appropriate here, “for talking with us.”
“Yeah,” Billy has always relied on empathy in moments of sadness, which is true of him here as well, a thirty degree slope of his lips enough to convey his honesty, “I’m glad to know in one universe we got to keep you as parents.”
A wetness rolls along Vision’s cheek, fingers lifting to brush aside the sorrow he’d been trying to hold in. Wanda doesn’t even attempt to levy the dam, her tears coming on strong as Billy, followed by a slightly reluctant Tommy, hugs her. A tendril of scarlet pulls Vision into the mix, his arms engulfing their divided family.
“We should go.” Wanda smiles sadly at them, her hand touching Tommy’s cheek first and then Billy’s, “We are so, so proud of who you are.”
“Alright, this is now too cheesy for me.” Tommy says it despite the fact Vision can also detect the quick swiping away of the speedster’s own tears.
Billy waves his right hand, opening a portal. Before walking through, Vision realizes he has one more thing to say. With three steps he is in front of Teddy, his hand held out. Once the man takes it, he shares a comforting fact, “It was nice to see you Teddy. I am glad you found each other here as well.”
A beaming smile emphasizes his elated, “Me too.”
With a final look at the three men, Vision and Wanda walk through the portal, stepping out into a landscape of ruination and collapsed buildings. Vision takes in a breath and is met with the familiar air of home. “We are in the correct universe.”
Despite the upward curve of her lips, his wife is unsettled, mind having not left their alternate lives. “How could we have just abandoned them?”
Vision weighs her question, himself also confused at the information. “I do not believe it is in our authority to judge decisions we do not fully know all the variables to.”
“Ever the infuriating diplomat, Maximoff.”
“Oh, my darling,” he swings her around, allowing him to grasp her shoulders firmly, face lowering just enough to rest his forehead to hers, “I cannot begin to fathom all they told us,” he will eventually, he reasons, what they learned today will no doubt haunt his thoughts and lead down many pathways of deep contemplation, “but what I do know, is that even though they may not have the Maximoff name anymore, they are still our sons, and no matter the universe, we will love them fiercely.”
Wanda accepts it, even if she seems less than wholly convinced, “I hope so.”
“Come along,” he twines his fingers through hers, giving her arm a slight tug forward, “I would like to find our boys and hug them for a few hours.”
“They’ll hate it.”
Vision shrugs, “They will survive it.”
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